#with her personal emotions about it and what it meant for her as a person
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Character Study - The chilling warmth of Haein
Haein is a really misunderstood character. She has dark humour. She cares immensely but doesn't show it very openly. She hides her feelings cause she doesn't like to be vulnerable. She's very quick to say things that protect her emotions and she bites with her words just to protect herself. But all of this assertive feistiness comes at a cost. People tend to misunderstand and write Hong Haein off as mean, rude, cold and difficult to live/work with.
Her personality and tendency to appear uncaring has a lot to do with the lack of warmth she received by her family especially her mother. When she meets Hyunwoo she's no different, she puts on no pretences. Over time she warms up to him and shows him her softer more vulnerable side - all of which I'm sure aided in him falling for her deeply. But then that damned chasm occurs, and Hyunwoo much like the rest of the world forgets Haein's soft heart and soul that live underneath the iron clad armour she wears. It hurts me when I think about the pain she experienced realising she's misunderstood even from the man who once showered her with unyielding love and warmth.
Some incidents of Hyunwoo misunderstanding her are so interesting:
- The scene where Haein requests/orders Hyunwoo to accompany her to the hospital.
I love that it was shot from both perspectives. In her mind she sounds extremely soft and worried. It was a request meant to be delivered that way. I'm sure Haein couldn't register what her tone was because her intention were so soft. Why would he reject my request, He's free I'm just asking him to accompany me? But Hyunwoo had just heard about the will. That paired up with the continuous blows he's received the past two years were too much for him to take a moment and understand that this is how she's always spoken.
-The rain scene after their Yongduri night stay (I hold the belief that Haein did indeed often wait up for him).
Haein says: 'I really wasn't waiting for you.' to which Hyunwoo replies 'I know better than anyone, you're not the kind of person who would wait up for me.' In the scene you can see Haein slightly taken aback and offended by that. Because she is the kind of person who waits up for him. Her offence seems so justified. Because why can't Hyunwoo of all people see the real her. When did he forget to understand her? It must be so hurtful for her to think Hyunwoo's forgotten how warm she was with him. I imagine she used to wait up for him before the miscarriage but here she's listening to her husband say she's not that kind of person. (That little scene where Haein sits on the sofa waiting but Hyunwoo chose not to ask her if she was okay is my evidence! There was a post on this as well a while ago!)
It's also evident in her desire to run a hand over his shoulder to remove the dampness there. Her screaming at him to hold the umbrella properly. But he's so oblivious and deaf to her love that it hurts to witness.
- The bar after their day at the Lavender field in Germany at their honeymoon
Haein smiles and says, she wasn't angry after he told her that he had noticed no one else and that his eyes were only on her. But Hyunwoo remembers her being angry for another two hours. This scene was such a small example of it. What if Haein's anger did immediately dissipate but Hyunwoo just interpreted it as her still being angry. I can't offer any evidence as we don't see this scene but their different accounts make me think what if she was just feeling down but he assumed it was a continuation of her anger.
There are so many other examples sprinkled throughout the show as well. I started off really disliking her character but I've grown to really appreciate it. Because once you see how warm Hong Haein is in love, you'll see just how fierce, loyal and undying her conviction and mind is. She'll show and tell you in the most beautiful ways just how much she cares without ever telling you she loves you. She's not cold, she's just misunderstood.
Unfortunately though, life isn't a drama. So when people like this do exist, they tend to be written off as cold, harsh, unlovable. Humans have the potential to be infinitely complex creatures which is why it's been so interesting to see Haein's multi faceated character these past 8 weeks.
Just an additional thought: I also love the difference between Haein and Hyunwoo's business ideologies. Haein is sharp, to the point, efficiency, money and loyalty oriented. While Hyunwoo is soft, caring, warm and people oriented.
We see Hyunwoo's ideology against his father in law. When the FIL wanted to stab his long serving employee it was unfathomable for Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo's ties with the past employees of Queens got him so much information and support. His logical request to the manager of maintenance to make it snow comes after a long, good relationship - it's pretty evident in that scene. I loved how the show displayed Hyunwoo's ability to make deep and good relationships and how it ended up helping them to get Queens back. It's a hugeee contrast to how things run in the Hong Family. It was very fresh to see him show from his actions 'You can be nice and still get the job done'.
But even Hae-in's contacts, though acquired differently, are just as instrumental. The employee she took a stand for, the juice guy and Secretary Na. None of them would call her warm or soft but they would sing her praises if you ever ask them. It's such an interesting parallel between their characters. It also goes to show Haein is a good person, she just tends to show it very selectively and rarely. I do think the 1 Trillion club made her think of only money and efficiency for a while, but I still do believe she had been doing good away from public eyes, changing people's lives - it's just that no one was there to witness or publicize them.
#i relate with Haein in some ways#she's a very interesting character#the show gives such an interesting contract between both of them#queen of tears#baek hyun woo#hong hae in#kdrama#kim soo hyun#kim ji won#baek hyunwoo#hong haein#baekhong#character study
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Very rare HSR post from me, but idea that I don’t feel like writing
(ALSO BOOTHILL BACKSTORY LEAKS!!!)
Little agrenthill thing!!
Boothill’s told Argenti about his daughter and what happened, so he already knows that part, but late Boothill’s feeling kinda down one day, and off-handedly mentions it’s his daughter’s birthday (well, the day she was found), and how he kinda just wants some space (you know to be sad and broody and stuff)
Now imagine Argenti taking the time to make a small cake or something for her, nothing special, and he couldn’t make it personal to her since she wasn’t even old enough to form her own interests yet, but he still wants to do something for her, even if she’s long gone and they had never met before, she was someone important to his beloved.
Boothill walks in on him icing the cake, asking what it’s about, and Argenti tells him his thought process, how even if she’s no longer with us, and even if he had only known her for a short amount of time, she deserves to be celebrated.
Boothill was silent, Argenti asked if he’d overstepped and apologized if he did, but Boothill just starts crying, tears silently falling down his face. He hadn’t cried for her, or anyone in his family, for years now. He’s cried for them enough, days huddled out in those reserves just crying, barely eating, unable to do anything just yet while he processed what had happened, but here he was, casual clothes, no gunslinging that day, meant to just be spending his time with his boyfriend, the perfect time to finally crack the jar bottling up his emotions just enough to breathe.
His life, whatever was left of it, was so focused on revenge, tearing away his own humanity just to tear down the bastards who took away not only his home, but the home of so SO many others.
For a moment, he was not a machine built for destruction, but a man who missed his family.
He missed his parents, his siblings, his daughter, his horse and the farm dogs they kept around, even the asshole neighbors that likes to steal eggs from them. None of them survived.
Argenti went to comfort him, apologizing, but no, Boothill wasn’t upset about the cake, in fact he was glad that Argenti cared enough to make a cake for a long dead child. He thanked Argenti for the effort, and for doing this in the first place, and tells him that she would’ve loved it.
Boothill spent the next couple hour telling stories about his family. How his daughter loved sweets, or any food really. The stories his parents would tell, funny stories of mishaps on the farm, with Argenti giving him his full attention.
While enjoying the cake, Boothill spent the rest of the day keeping the memory of those he was fighting for alive, even if he himself was a dead man walking.
#honkai star rail leaks#hsr leaks#honkai star rail#hsr#argenthill#hsr argenti#hsr boothill#boothill leaks
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it hurts me. the chaggie hurts me s o good
Vaggie having been such a great murder soldier (one of the best exorcists) (battalions worth of dead souls piled under her lost wings)
but Protect Charlie and Support Charlie became so important to her (the revelation of reaching out to strangers to heal hurts instead of causing them) she for real got out of practice with actual physical fighting bc she was busy helping Charlie with the emotional battles instead-
it feels so good.
it's such a big and happy difference, from vaggie the exorcist
she's fighting for her girl every time she holds Charlie's hand and it's NOT what she's trained for or is always good at, solving people problems without just stabbing anyone who hurts Charlie or gets in Charlie's way- soldier life bleeding through even when Vaggie tries so hard- (a life lived with the kind of people who would use cutting out someone's eye and ripping off their wings as a solution to a problem)
but she says herself she wants to be Charlie's ARMOR. she could have said spear, could have said she wants to be the blade that cuts through all Charlie's problems-
she doesn't want that. Amor, something that stays close, something not meant to hurt, something that isn't a weapon. not anymore
even if it (she) isn't used to that yet
and you know what. maybe that's what getting saved by Charlie actually meant.
Charlie didn't pull her down from heaven- she wasn't the reason that Vaggie looked at a kid in hell and couldn't go through with sticking a spear in them
but without Charlie, Vaggie could still have been a spear raised and redirected towards heaven. even after years in a peaceful life Vaggie still reaches for her spear so quick, how fast on the draw would she've been if Charlie wasn't there? hadn't been there?
(if kindness hadn't pulled her out of that alleyway, would the chance for revenge at the next extermination day have gotten Vaggie moving instead? would the first dead angel have been found years earlier- or would it have been her- a loose end that didn't unravel quietly getting neatly cut away?)
that didn't happen. Charlie was out looking to help people on extermination day. she did find Vaggie
and with Charlie, the spear is a prop more than anything else. part of Vaggie yes, probably forever- not a NEEDED one though. an old instinct always at the ready while not having to be used much anymore.
life with Charlie is Vaggie carrying a spear, sure.... and also growing out her hair. not being used to fighting with it long, because she hasn't had to be fighting
she's still been able to fight for girlfriend anyway
Charlie isn't asking power or wins from her. that's not what the princess of hells needs.
Charlie needs the hand that holds hers during a hard call with her dad, the hug waiting for her when she comes back after a bad day, the soft smile not judging her for telling herself stories when she's sad- likes that side of her, actually-
the woman who knows every embarrassing personal thing about Charlie because Charlie trusted her not to make fun of it, trusted that Vaggie loved her
Charlie needs the push of Vaggie's words telling her it's time to make that hard call to her dad in the first place, the later unshakable reassurance from Vaggie when Charlie breaks down crying before the battle (breaking down over not being able give Angel Dust the better life she promised, everyone in even more danger now instead)
and Vaggie (pragmatic, realistic, honest Vaggie) does not tell her that things will be okay and they'll win their upcoming fight- but that Charlie has already done so much.
if for no one else, then at the very least for Vaggie
Charlie really has, hasn't she. 'just' by seeing Vaggie as a person she saved her from being nothing but a soldier, a weapon, the hair trigger response of someone who learned trust on a battle field and had her body torn and scarred by the people she trusted-
but now Vaggie does the worst damage to the people who hurt her when she holds her girlfriend's hand. she grumbles but gives people chances, often stressed but just as often smiling in her new life with Charlie. she goes back up to HEAVEN (even though she really really doesn't want to) because her girlfriend takes her hand and askes her with big soft eyes and says they're partners- it's such a change from being a soldier following orders.
partnership is all Charlie's asking for
and fucking HELL if Vaggie hasn't answered by being there in the darkest moments, tugging Charlie gently back into the light of their shared dreams and the reality of having someone there to share them with
and uh, also getting charlie to call her dad
....and.... yeeting random lit bombs out the nearest new hole in their hotel, when someone hands it to her gf and charlie gets sidetracked trying to politely juggle the thing...
.....
how DID charlie manage before she equipped the smol spear gf??
#habin hotel#vaggie#charlie morningstar#chaggie#hmmmm gay thoughts hmm#deep down vaggie will probably always kinda wanna stab ppl#BUT#holding the gf's hand is more fun~
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'Please don't say that this is the end of us...'
Pairings: Husband!Hoon x fem!reader
Warnings: swearing (you're gonna be on a rollercoaster of emotions darling) and a suggestive at hoon's part (if u squint 🤭)
Feat. Jay, Heeseung and Jake of Enhypen, Yeji (Sunghoon's sister), Jin Ae (Y/n and Sunghoon's child)
Tagging my moots who wanted to read: @pockettwinzz @diorsyun @rinbowaman @heeslomll @heeslut4life @hoonieshoneymain @sungvrhs
A/n: THE REACTIONS ARE REALLY INTERESTING LMAOOO, I'M CURIOUS IF IT'LL CHANGE WHEN I FINISH THIS FIC (I have no idea when 💀) BUT HOPEFULLY YOU'LL ENJOY MY DEBUT
Not proofread 😅
Likes, reblogs and/or following me will be much appreciated!!
Part 4:
'...'
The silence was so loud.
But I mean, it was expected. How would you have reacted given that information and the current situation you were in? Even I, too, wouldn't know, despite living it.
'Y/n,' Jay breaks the awkward atmosphere,
'take your damn child before it has a concussion from it falling from my arms, because I feel so fricking weak right now.'
Glady, you took Jin Ae, since she was like a comforter. And, gosh, she was SO 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 CUTE.
Finally, you felt a little light-hearted, but that could only last for long...
'I...damn. I never knew my bro would be like that... He's not the type to do that...'
'Y/n...have you ever suspected that Jake dude? Because right now, he seems like he's the problem.'
'I agree, Jay. Hoon would never hurt you, but it may be he's worried that Jake guy would take you. You're everything to him, Y/n, and he's just as similar to you when it comes to love.'
Hearing the different views of the story did give you an insight of what might be going on in his head.
'Try being Hoon,' suggested Jay, 'because you need to know what's his version of this mess.
Thoughtfully, you scrape out every detail of Jake you could get from your memory, and tried to piece it together to get a clear answer.
Jake was a flirty boy, so his actions could rub off people in the wrong way, especially if it was Hoon.
When he hangs out with you, he would definitely initiate the physical contact, snaking an arm around your waist or putting an arm on your shoulder.
The way he would look at you...it...it was different, now that you're gaining a third person view. Those eyes...it was so dark when it came to you, unlike when they have a charming gleam to others. Could it be lust? The thought made you sick, you hated liking another man when you were happily in love.
Even the nicknames...he would call me things Sunghoon does, like 'Love' or 'Darling'.
Ah, so he wasn't trying to be my best friend,
He took 'bf' to a whole new level.
No wonder why Hoon got so agitated at the thought of him.
But...at the same time, these are just reasonable guesses. I would need to discuss with Sunghoon to actually know the answer.
'So, what's your verdict, 𝐌𝐫𝐬. 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤?'
'I think Jake tried to change it to Mrs. Sim.'
'I thought so too, ngl.'
'Me three!' Yeji chimes in.
'Well, at least now you should have Sunghoon's view.'
And I think we talked for too long that Jin Ae started crying, hungry for milk.
'Shoot, Jin Ae hasn't drank yet.'
'We'll leave you two to be, call us when you're done.' Says the modest Jay, who you really thought deserved to be the older Park.
'I'll be waiting nearby, ok bro?'
'Cheers Hee, for letting me hang about your place and all that.'
'My job as the eldest, is it not?' He chuckles.
'I know you love Y/n, but right now, you're not really taking your role as the husband, aren't you? Remember, you haven't heard her side of the story, so take it easy.'
'I'll try to, I really will.'
I head on over to the backyard of our house, decorated by my lovely Y/n. She took so much time renovating it into the piece of art it is today. That was what she was good at: creating masterpieces. She's probably best at it because she is one, and if I was to ever be hurtful to her, I would never have meant it; I never deserved such a woman ever, such luck I had to create my family with her as my wife.
I start appreciating everything more, taking a look around and observing the way she places the plant pots, and the strokes she did when painting the fence. There was something else she was better at stroking at, but we'll save that for another time.
When approaching the bench where we would always sit when it was a beautiful sunset, I noticed engravings on it. I thought someone may have vandilised it, until I took a closer look.
'Y/n Park ♥︎ Park Sunghoon'
'He's my forever!!'
'I'm so happy my child was made with him.'
'𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝑺𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒉𝒐𝒐𝒏, 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖.
-𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒀/𝒏.'
All this made him feel ashamed of himself. He deserves to, he was pretty much destroying his sunshine.
He wanted to talk things out, but you weren't there.
*Buzz*
'Who is it?' Enquires Yeji
'Ooolalaaa, it's Mr. Park Sunghoon.'
'Interesting...'
*Otp* 'What.'
'Where's Y/n?'
'Jin Ae was hungry, so she's breastfeeding her right now.'
(She's such a good mother... Oh, Y/n, if only I could prove my love to you better...)
'Oh...ok.' *Ends call*
...
*Jay and Yeji monster shrieks*
'OMG, OPPA, SHOULDN'T WE TELL H/N?'
'YEAH, WE SHOULD. HURRY, OPEN UP THE GROUP CHAT!!'
#en-geneisaxx#enhypen#enhypen sunghoon#engene#fyp#kpop#enha#fanfic#sunghoon x y/n#love#enhablr#park sunghoon ff#park sunghoon#sunghoon enhypen#sunghoon x reader#story#writer
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Hi! Please feel free to ignore this, I am not trying to hate at all! Just curious!/gen
Why do you tak care of Rhea but not other vent littles?/lh /gen /curious
I know your mental health isn't the best, so I now that could be reason, I just thought that if it was, you would take a step back form Rhea too.
Again no hate what so ever!/gen
sending lots of love
Sorry if this came off as rude or offensive!/gen
Dear Anon
I am Mod E, I dont normally answer asks in anyway on Vaggie's blog. Im just here to monitor the inbox, make special announcements, and block problematic blogs, however, Mod Ocean (aka Vaggie) and I agreed that its probably best that I handle your ask in particular in order to allow you to help you get a better understanding of what actually is going on here.
We know you meant nothing offensive in your ask and that you are genuinely concerned about Mod Ocean and her mental health. However 'stepping back' from Rhea is not possible. This is because Mod Ocean and Rhea are the same person.
Now its a little hard for me to explain. Im going to be using terms generally used by systems (I myself am part of a system) but I want to make it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR:
MOD OCEAN DOES NOT HAVE DID AND IS NOT A SYSTEM NOR IS SHE CLAIMING TO BE A SYSTEM!
IT IS JUST EASIER FOR MYSELF (MOD E, A MEDICALLY RECOGNIZED SYSTEM) TO EXPLAIN THIS USING SYSTEM TERMINOLOGIES!
Mod Ocean has a diagnosis of BPD. One of the effects of BPD is (quote taken from the NHS website) "disturbed patterns of thinking or perception – "cognitive distortions" or "perceptual distortions" " I personally dont like the use of the term 'disturbed' here but that is straight from this website: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms/
There isnt a lot of research into BPD and how these distortions manifest in individuals but for Mod Ocean, it manifests in almost alter-like personalities that have taken on an appearance and have histories all their own. They tend to 'come to front' to help Mod Ocean process the extreme emotional disregulation that comes with BPD.
Mod Ocean is my best friend, she has been a massive support in my own journey of discovering that im part of a system and encouraging me to speak to a therapist. Rhea is real. She has her own thoughts and feelings that can be hurt. I can always tell there is a massive difference when im talking to Ocean vs when Im talking to Rhea or Jadie vs when im talking to Vaggie.
So your ask was sent with good intentions, yes. But you also sent it under an incorrect assumption. Vaggie cannot take a step back from Rhea.
This is also part of the reason why Mod Ocean isnt always comfortable handling other vent regressors. They are always welcome to reach out to her, vent and cry and that but when they start getting violent/aggressive towards themselves or her is when she has to step back.
I hope this makes sense and helps explain the situation a bit better. If you have any further questions please reach out to me on my blog @the-hellion-collective and ill answer any questions you may have to the best of my ability.
~Mod E 👾
#hazbin hotel age regression#hazbin hotel agere#hazbin hotel roleplay#hazbin hotel rp#sfw age regression#caregiver vaggie#hazbin hotel#sfw age dreamer#hazbin hotel vaggie#vaggie#Mod E#important
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Love this season Fig and Riz are really interacting one on one and being shown narratively as parallel characters. Both prioritize their friendships over their own personal wellness. Both so willing to support and not focus too hard on their own identities as people. And Sklonda and Sandra Lynn should get some coffee and chat.
#I do love having Brennan as parent npc going ‘yes I *love* that my child is putting their whole self into Kristen’s presidential campaign’#Fig’s convo with her mom struck me like finally theyre talking about how Fig’s whole identity was wrecked at age 14 and she never dealt#with her personal emotions about it and what it meant for her as a person#fhjy#fig faeth#riz gukgak
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Pan-Pan, Boléro, and Minkowski's different responses to loss
I want to compare two key lines of Minkowski's which indicate very different responses to grief:
In Ep29 Pan-Pan, Minkowski breaks down and says "Doug Eiffel is gone! There was nothing we could do to save him. It wasn't anyone's fault. It's horrible, and pointless, and it just happened."
In contrast, after arriving at the funeral in Ep46 Boléro, she says "[Lovelace, Hilbert and Maxwell are dead] to make the fact that we're not gone yet important. They're gone... so that we never forget how important it is that we're still here."
TL;DR: In Pan-Pan, Minkowski expresses her unprocessed grief through despair and hopelessness. Whereas in Boléro, she is able to find hope in the loss and lead her crew in trying to move forward. I suggest a significant reason of the difference is the presence of Eiffel to force Minkowski to confront and process the sense of loss.
Pan-Pan: "It's horrible, and pointless, and it just happened"
In Pan-Pan, the whole episode is full of anger and despair, but Minkowski speaking about the horrible pointlessness of losing Eiffel is one of the most painful and hopeless moments. It doesn't feel like she's really speaking to the others. She's focused on her internal despair (as suggested by the fact that she goes on to talk about the cracks, which Lovelace and Hilbert aren't supposed to know about).
The only potentially positive thing Minkowski says here is her recognition that "it wasn't anyone's fault". When Hera and Hilbert have been blaming Lovelace, and Minkowski has been blaming herself, it's significant that she acknowledges that sometimes a horrible thing just happens without there being anyone to blame.
But in this context, and in the tone of voice Minkowski uses, even the lack of blame doesn't really feel like a positive thing. If Eiffel becoming stranded was just pointless and random, if there was nothing any of them could have done to save him, then the next tragedy might be just as unpredictable and unpreventable. Minkowski strikes me as the kind of person who can sometimes fall into the trap of subconsciously wishing that the awful thing is her fault because then at least she'd have control over something. In her train of thought here, the lack of blame is followed by focusing on how horrible and pointless what happened to Eiffel was. The only conclusion she can draw is "it just happened". There's no sense of hope in those lines. Eiffel being stranded just happened, and so do the cracks, and the crew are at the whims of brutal fortune with no meaning to any of it.
Boléro: "They're gone... so that we never forget how important it is that we're still here"
In Boléro, Minkowski can't even say that the tragedy wasn't anyone's fault. For each of the deaths, someone pulled a trigger. There is blame, and some of it lies at her feet. She didn't want to come to the funeral because at first she didn't know what she could say about the deaths she feels responsible for.
Yet even so, this time she finds something reassuring she can say to her crew, a grain of hope she can provide without attempting to diminish the loss: "[they're gone] to make the fact that we're not gone yet important. They're gone... so that we never forget how important it is that we're still here."
In another show, or another context, this kind of line might have had an 'everything happens for a reason' tone, which is something I deeply dislike as a response to other people's loss. But it doesn't feel like that's what Minkowski is saying here at all. She isn't trying to make any grand philosophical statement about the ultimate beneficence of the universe, or about how mortality gives meaning to human life. What she says here is working on a much more personal level. It's more about finding something other than despair that the crew can take from what has happened. This tragedy may still be horrible, but it provides a reminder that they are still alive in a context where that's far from guaranteed. Minkowski emphasises that the fact the survivors are alive matters - her crew matters. I'd argue that this contrasts with the 'it just happened' outlook discussed above.
I don't know how much Minkowski fully feels the importance of them still being there in the moment, but it's something that she can offer her crew, something that she can say in a situation that words can't grasp. I think the moment when she joins the funeral is such a key moment of her leadership. In the end, despite her doubts and struggles, she's there for her crew. Eiffel brought them together for a funeral, but he doesn't know what to say when Hera asks why they have to be gone. Minkowski enters just at the right moment to support her crew and she provides an answer to Hera's question. It's not a perfect answer, but it allows the funeral to move forward. It allows the crew to move forward (even if that emotional movement is somewhat thrown off by a dramatic change in the circumstances). Minkowski starts off the eulogies; she leads her crew in the acknowledgement of what's been lost.
Why such a difference in responses?
There's lots of ways you could interpret the difference between the outlook of these two moments, and there's probably more to say about it though the lens of Minkowski's character development than I'm going to say here. But for me, the main difference between these moments is that, in Pan-Pan, it feels like no processing or recognition of grief has really occurred. When Minkowski says "Doug Eiffel is gone!", it almost feels like the first time that Minkowski has fully confronted and acknowledged the loss. Eiffel has been lost in space for 116 days, but it's only at the end of this episode that Minkowski brings herself to say in her distress calls that he is "presumed dead". Whereas in Boléro, she's already eulogising the dead and thinking about what can be learned from the loss, not even a full day after the mutiny.
Obviously there is much less ambiguity to a body bag (or least there would be, if not for alien interference). But I can't help thinking that the difference between the attitudes towards loss which Minkowski displays in these two quotes is less about the difference in the kind of loss, and more about a situation that prompted and enabled the processing of emotions in Boléro: namely, the funeral. After Eiffel was stranded in space, I think Minkowski probably went months without looking her grief in the eye. But after the deaths of Lovelace, Hilbert, and Maxwell, Eiffel's suggestion of a funeral forces Minkowski to confront her complicated emotions and provides a space in which she can offer direction to her grieving crew.
This is a good illustration of how I think Minkowski and Eiffel complement and support each other in a really valuable way. On his own, Eiffel couldn't provide the leadership that the crew needed for the funeral to work. But without Eiffel, and his determination to recognise the emotional weight of the three deaths, the funeral would never have happened and Minkowski would never have been in a position to provide hope and direction to her crew. When Eiffel was the one the Hephaestus crew were grieving, Minkowski couldn't offer much emotional direction to her crew beyond despair. But when Eiffel is beside her in the grief, saying that the grief deserves to be felt, then Minkowski can find a way for them to move forward emotionally. It's not the deaths that remind them how important it is that they are still here. It's the grief. It's the ability to confront that grief together.
#Wolf 359#w359#Renée Minkowski#Renee Minkowski#Doug Eiffel#I know that this is a lot to say about two short-ish quotes but I think they are symbolic / indicative of broader patterns#Also some of this probably contradicts things that I've said at other points#about how Minkowski dealt with Eiffel being stranded in space#But it's complicated. okay?#Sometimes I want to think about her grieving him and what that would look like#And sometimes I want to think about how in his absence she's much less able to process her emotions at all#Either way I'm emotional about them#This wasn't even initially meant to be a Minkowski & Eiffel post tbh#I just had this thought as I was writing this#It also wasn't meant to be 1000 words but these things just happen#Btw when I say I dislike the idea 'everything happens for a reason'#I fully respect if people find that a useful approach for their own personal misfortunes#but as soon as you start saying it to anyone else who is suffering#it feels distasteful to me#Maybe everything happens for a reason but sometimes the reason is shit etc#Eiffel & Minkowski#w359 spoilers#Wolf 359 spoilers#the empty man posteth#tw death#tw grief
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Actually love that they called the parallel universe Pete's World :) they could've named it after something related to how it differentiates from their universe. Something related to Lumic or Cybus industries, but no, they named it Pete's World, something that is only relevant to Rose and the Doctor by extension. What separates this universe from their one? The fact that cybermen started on earth by an ailing inventor rather than mondas? No. It's the fact that Rose Tyler's father lived in this one without any world ending paradoxes :) that's what the Doctor decided was relevant to differentiate them :)
#dw posting#Doomsday#Tenth Doctor#Rose Tyler#Peter Tyler#Pete's World#idk i was just thinking about it#how pete being alive in that universe is more personally relevant to the three of them than the cybermen#mickeys never met cybermen he doesnt care what the villian is but he knows about roses dad and what happened to him#rose has only seen the cybermen as a head in a museum but her only request was to ses her father to comfort him to try to save him#and split that world in half and lost the doctor to the reapers in the process#the doctor has seen what pete meant to rose has met the man himself has seen how defensive rose is of jackie#has spent afternoons in their flat and knows what it means to both rose and jackie that in another universe pete lived#its just so quintessentially the doctor to choose an emotional and arguably sentimental option rather than a logical or scientific one#to do something so human despite always insisting that theyre a timelord despite what gallifreyan society might suggest
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(Going insane boinkinh one AU in my head)
Hey hey hey
May I interest you in
(Slowly slides my FaaF AU towards you but void just Disappears without a trace one day before the accolade)
Teehee
#thylacines can talk#faaf au#i love this au very yummy. a very fun twist on how Flower's dynamic with their parents would progress afterwards#the vessels live but the void exits their bodies in quite a violent manner (extreme pain and literally throwing up an entire person worth of#void). Flower was on guard duty and theyre found barely conscious in a pool of rapidly evaporating void. passes out seconds later#PK also had the displeasure of experiencing extene pain and burning as void forced its way out through his skin <3 And his moulds all melted#and evaporated. after the initial shock wears off theyre hit with “Oh No#the vessel“ and rush to find them. Well somebody else was already looking for the royal pair about this#Flower wakes up dazed and in pain in their father's workshop. their stomach hurts their throat burns and they feel lightheaded. the entire#place is considerably brighter than they remember and in they can hear two faint voices in the background but theyre too preoccupied with#examining their now pure white hand in shock to focus on anything else. until they hear their mother say “My wyrm they're awake” and#suddenly their parents are by their side. Now the two have no idea what void leaving their body might have done to them. Are they still#hollow? are they still dead? do they understand anything are they sentient? or was what was done pernament even without the void? do they#have the mind of a child if their sentience was restored? or do they remember anything? So WL stays by their side and helps them sit up#while their father goes to grab his tools. She's trying to keep them calm and comfort them but theyre still too disoriented to pay her much#attention. Until their father checks their breathing and they yelp audibly from the cool metal contacting their skin and suddenly they seem#much more alert. theyve never experienced true coldness before. PK quickly apologises and tries to be gentler with them. Theyre breathing#properly and they have a heartbeat. And he just pauses for a long while just. listening to their heart beating. Many emotions to be had#after the exam's over he asks them point blank how theyre feeling. And Flower looks up at him still seeming a little disoriented. and then#they lower their hand to their stomach and mutter 'My tummy hurts...a-and my throat burns'. It's to be expected after the way the void#left their body. so he goes to grab them some water and meds and they also ask for food and a mirror. And after he returns they just stare#at themself in the mirror and pull on their bangs for a while then blurt out 'I have your eyes' when PK asks if everything's okay. And he#and he almost chokes up as he replies 'Yeah...Yeah you do'. Flower eventually spins a lie that they remember everything but its all distant#and blurry. Like they were not aware until now. They figured it'd be better to not break their hearts#And now the three have to figure out how to be a family while PK is also scrambling to find a new solution to the infection#oops i meant to only give a brief rundown in the tags which is why it was in the tags. but i got too invested KDHDKFB
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🖤❤️💚🤍 🥹🥹🥹 you know?????
#ra speaks#personal#ignore my diary but like 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#one of my neighbors is a hijabi here for grad school. I saw her at the first protest we held back in November but not really since#until last night which was like oh nice (this was before 🐷 showed up)#anyways she caught me in the kitchen just now and explained that she’s /from/ Palestine and can’t get too involved w what we do bc she can’t#risk getting deported (obviously) but she just wanted to thank me personally and it’s like 🥹#I’ve been feeling so shitty and defeated the last 24 hours I really needed to hear that all our work yesterday wasn’t for nothing#that it meant something to someone#anyways blah blah blah beans is a selfish idiot making it all about himself <- cannot permit myself to express and articulate my emotions
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You ever read a fanfic that stays in your head for years and you can never find it again?
#I want to know if it was as good as I remember#I think I was about 12 when I read it so < 8 years old#Okay let me describe it a little bit so that you can understand exactly WHY I need to find this and verify that my standards sucked#it was on Quotiv#big red flag right there#but i remember it being so well written and engaging!#and it was a TFP soundwave x OC#or reader maybe#but pretty sure OC#and the MC had alexandria's genesis#and her and soundwave both bonded over having purple eyes#there was like a whole scene in a cave or something and it was a really tender moment of him removing the visor and showing his face#at one point he asks her parents for permission to court their daughter#it was the first time I'd heard the word in that context#and i assumed it was a transformers thing#needless to say i was baffled when the parents immediately knew what the word meant without an explanation#this fic as well as one called Purple Heart and another called Its The Great Pumpkin Sam Witwiki shaped me as a person#I need a TFA fic and a g1 fic to blow me away so that I can add some variation to my list of fics that have put me on my ass with emotions
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whenever i see the most common critique of thh chapter 4 be “um actually hina’s plan was dumb because she said everyone wanted sakura dead but that includes makoto and kyoko who clearly didn’t” it’s like. girl just found out her best friend committed suicide i do NOT think she was thinking logically in the slightest…
#also the fact that byakuya fell hook like and sinker for her obviously fake evidence is still SOOOO#incredible how hard she pulled him by the strings and she wasn’t even trying that hard#honestly i understand the interpretation that she never actually forgives byakuya for what he said and did#but i personally just like to think after the emotional crash she thought back to how bad he embarrassed himself#and is like ‘lmao okay we can be chill now’#this was not meant to be a post about hina byakuya friendship oops#danganronpa#aoi asahina#dr1#trigger happy havoc
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.
#military surplus store trip 2 days ago#I got a very pink cowboy hat despite questioning everything about how I present myself. it was Calling to me#multiple people loved it and when I got home and put it on my 3 yo sister stopped in her tracks and said 'wow... you're soo pretty'#that has never happened before#so I Guess the pink cowboy hat will be a Special Fashion Thing#despite the little existential crisis it gives me every time I think about being a pink cowboy hat girl#which is a bit ridiculous but there you go.#I was so secretly dedicated to looking either vaguely emo (<333) or cuttingly defensively professional for a long time#that the idea of being COWBOY-aligned (CONSERVATIVE IDOLS UGH) and not only that but PINK (feminine??? >:O) really did not appeal#but it looks GOOD on me and... sigh. I don't have to make people know my personality by my clothes. I can just wear what I WANT to#and I really do LIKE the pink cowboy hat!! it's silly and awesome and goes clink and it's a COWBOY HAT man!!!#I get to be BOTH pink cowboy AND every other thing I am. I can still be CoolTM. I can still be completely myself.#those who love me will understand me. those who don't... don't have to understand me.#goodness gracious that was a lot of soul-searching over a HAT#I also got very very tough Army jungle combat boots#I am expecting them last well >:D and they make me feel SO POWERFUL#Robin processes emotions on main#I Guess XD#I only meant to tell y'all about my cool new items I swear
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"The old McDonough family estate. So many childhood memories. After you would beat me, or humiliate me, or psychologically torture Mom, I'd visit this well - I'd toss a penny inside and wish you'd drop dead."
#I'm finally writing my big well-symbolism essay that I've been threatening to write for like year or so#and I swear I'm getting more annoying by the word#izombie#blaine debeers#cw abuse mention#fandom#one thing I changed my stance on is the 'psychological torture Mom' part bc I always thought he specifically meant emotional abuse#but he very specifically named that when talking about his own experienced '(humiliate me) - so the fact that he uses this term for what#Angus did to his mother actually make think whether other factors were at play on top of that (like gaslighting)#bc if Angus drove her insane deliberately...I feel like that adds some undertones the whole story#(especially bc every single person in that family ends up losing their mind)
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Maybe this doesn’t need to be said, but Im feeling awful about it, so -- to any mutuals that might notice Im not following them anymore, I'm sorry about that. I've just seen too many posts on my dash that I have no way of blocking because they're not tagged in any way and they're distressing enough it's turning one of the only places I considered a safe space not safe for me anymore. So for my own mental health, I had to unfollow. I Will refollow in the future and I still love y'all, but I just-- I can’t. Ive been noticing some very worrying stuff about my mental and emotional state and it's just too much currently. I hope it's at least an understandable decision, and I wish y'all are having a good day out there 💗
#personal#I know its important to keep up with current events#but life overall's been a bit too much for me lately#I should prob go back to my therapist#I haven’t seen her since I went back to uni#for one because I didn’t know my schedule when we last meet and we both thought this should balance me#finally having purpose again and doing what I actually enjoy#but I also don’t have a job now so its costs and... I don’t know#but I probably should now that Im thinking maybe its time to actually get medicated for real#tho first maybe I should just visit my family doc and ask for those vit d supplements my therapists talked about#see if thats gonna be enough#autumn (and winter) has always been an awful time for me in terms of mental and emotional health#but it feels even worse these days#like Im battling against depression every day recently and rarely anything works to distract me#which is why its been hard to get back to peels in dms and such too#I was meant to meet with a friend now that Im studying in a city she lives in but I have yet to get back to her#and it feels like I have not only Zero but like Negative energy and motivation#+ Ive been dealing with an upset stomach for Weeks now#no matter what I eat it feels weird and achy and barely anything tastes good for me already so now its even worse#anyway this turned into such a rant Im sorry#I just didn’t want the lovely peeps Ive been mutuals with for a long time to think I stopped liking them or smth#its just certain untagged posts that I would otherwise block if I could#and I dont wanna impose onto anyone like a 'rule' to tag them or whatever#so yeah this is just temporary#hopefully at some point I get better enough to survive the couple distressing posts heh...
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I'm not enough of a book purist to not being able to enjoy headcanons, crackships etc (as a matter of fact I do love them). But seeing newbies unironically and completely serious considering aemond to "trying to be the perfect son", or "heleana is the people's princess" or "rhaenyra is calm, collected and strategic", "Daemon is the family's clown, the agent of chaos" legit gives me a headache because they are nothing like that.
And I'm not talking about ppl writing fanfics with this type of characterization, but ppl legit having takes based on the terrible portrayal of the show. And even when they go to read f&b they still have the image the show gave them because they don't seem capable of letting go.
it just feels like Jon Snow/Daenerys Targaryen character assassination all of again.
There are so many people who consider Jon to be basically ned 2.0 and Dany a mad queen-girlboss-slay
I just wish we could seperate books from adaptations. That's all
#don't be a jerk i'm just venting ✌️#anti hotd#I know the greens had 2% of actual characterization so fans are now making their own hcs but#my issue is they slowly legit believe them to be canon#rhaenyra was not chill. She was emotional. thought first with her heart. could be immature and had temper#aegon was not a loser crybaby. he was spoiled. had freedom to do as he wished and was simply lazy and unmotivated#aemond was already a psycho before his eye loss. and was obsessed with proving himself. he gave 0 shit about his fam#helaena only had 1 line in f&b and even that gives her more personality than the cringe show version#alicent was not a child bride. she was an ambitious woman. a big hypocrite who was obsessed w Rhaenyra and had beef with her since rhaenyra#Viserys was a girl dad and loved rhaenyra and heleana. he also loved alicent very much. aegon and aemond were simply red flags#daemon was not a deadbeat dad. he was ruthless and he wanted the throne and power. his marriage with Laena softened him a lot#and he became dedicated to his fam to the point he killed himself to take out Rhaenyra's biggest threat aka vhagar (not aemond)#otto was not a warm grandfather. he only cared about gaining power and he gave 0 shit about what his grandkids could be going through#grrm does write grey characters but he also writes ones who are meant to be interpreted as good/evil#and the greens are very obvious the antagonists of the dance#I'm not saying you shouldn't like them but fandom should stop trying to rewrite f&b with their hcs#people enjoy joffrey and ramsey but no soul says they were victims#f&b meta#hotd meta#anti ryan condal#Ryan will pay for his crimes
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