#wish that this site would not let me post without doing so first
Text
i keep forgetting to add ID onto my posts before before i post them. genuinely very sorry about that
#wish that this site would not let me post without doing so first#gonna work on that real soon (manifesting this manifesting this)
0 notes
Text
Untimely - Joel Miller x F!Reader/OFC (AFAB).
Summary: Joel might have a little crush on his business partner, but it’s no big deal - really.
This can be read as either pre-canon or AU. Reader has a nickname, but physical description is a blank slate
Rating: E (18+ no minors)
Warnings/Tags: Joel’s POV, readers dad used to be Joel’s boss, discussion of absent parents (not reader), very minor discussion of parental death (again not reader), Joel is kinda awkward when it comes to dating, workplace relationship but without power dynamics, squint and you’ll find an age gap (no exact age is stated but she does have a college degree), pining and lots of it, denial of feelings and all that good stuff, and smut in general. I’m not gonna tag everything or this would get way too long but consent is clearly stated and does not have any major triggers (to my knowledge, but let me know if you catch something).
Word Count: 23,000. This was supposed to be a short one-shot, but got out of control. Oops. This is separated into two parts on AO3
Note: I’m back!! I know it’s been a hot minute, but I’m very very excited and very very nervous to share what I’ve been working on in my absence. But here it is!
---
The first full week of September, and Austin was deadlocked in a nasty heatwave.
Days like this made Joel wish he’d chosen a job that involved a roof over his head – or maybe just a little shade. Anything would be better than being crushed under the weight of the cruel Texas sun as it poured down through the bare-bone house. Still, Joel hammered his way through it. Even as the sun baked his scalp and covered every inch of his skin in sweat.
Joel flapped his shirt to dry the cotton sticking to his chest like silicone glue. His walk was more so a waddle, which was honestly his fault for wearing jeans. The denim chafed against his thighs while combing the work site for any loose supplies. All he wanted to do was hop into his work truck, blast the air conditioning and leave, but instead he diligently checked between every wooden beam and around every corner. Despite the lack of drywall leaving barely any hiding spots, it was insane how often Tommy forgot a power drill behind a tub of paint or cement.
Or somewhere else incredibly stupid.
Nothing major today, though. Just a few nails that jingled around in his tool belt as he stepped out onto the future front porch, immediately spotting Tommy. Kinda hard to miss with his big ass head poking out the driver side window while puffing on his daily post-work Marlboro.
“The engine was making that funny noise again,” Tommy claimed, his voice echoing across the dirt lawns and unpaved driveways of the brand new subdivision.
Joel walked past the rusty-white hood, but heard nothing other than the usual ancient roar. There was the radio in the cab playing Foolish Games by Jewel – a favorite of Sarah’s.
“Funny noise, huh?” He eyed Tommy with blatant skepticism before slumping into the dusty cloth seat with a thunk. “Well, sounds like it’s fixed now.”
“Oh yeah good as new.” Tommy burned the soul from his cigarette, then chucked the butt out the window. “This thing’s gotta be what - 10? 15 years old?”
“Something like that.” Joel didn’t know off the top of his head. The truck had been a part of the company even longer than him, meaning it had to be somewhere closer to 15 than 10. From what he could recall it’d been a few years off mint condition even when Danny first hired him.
“Then, how the hell is it still running?”
“Danny’s a smart man who didn’t buy a shitty Chevy,” Joel lightheartedly jabbed at his little brother – a self-proclaimed Chevrolet man, but only because of his buddies. “He knew that Ford was better - built tough.”
“Well, ain’t lookin’ too tough now,” Tommy pointed out and Joel shrugged.
As long as the truck got him from one place to the next, he didn’t care if it was taped together by spit and gorilla glue. He knew for a fact Tommy wouldn’t complain either if a new one was coming out of his wallet instead.
Tommy threw the truck into reverse. “I’m telling you now, you’re gonna regret not buying a new one sooner.”
“What are you gonna do?” Joel snorted. “Put some sugar in the gas tank?”
“I don’t have to sabotage this piece of shit - it’ll crap out on its own soon enough,” Tommy said. “Hell, it could even happen today.”
“Better not,” Joel grumbled, but otherwise went quiet. He didn’t know why Tommy had to put that idea in his head. Sarah was waiting for him at the shop. He couldn’t imagine a worse day for the truck to break down.
For a mile or so, Joel sat on the edge of his seat, carefully listening to the bumps and groans – typical for a truck around Sarah’s age. The engine rattled as Tommy merged onto Highway 183, but it always did when accelerating. He swore it did.
Whatever – enough.
There was paperwork to do. Today’s timesheets were in the glovebox, only halfway complete. So, he pulled out the folder and set to work. At least it offered a distraction from the brakes screeching like a horde of bats during rush hour traffic.
“Did you ever hear from the concrete guys?” Tommy turned down an obnoxiously loud ad for a car dealership in town.
Grunting, he curtly nodded. His pen found Harry’s Concrete at the bottom of the sheet and promptly scratched it out with scathing red ink. Just seeing their name triggered a sour taste in his mouth.
He was used to the concrete guys being flaky, but not like this. These last couple months had been like dandruff in the winter. Brutal. Today, the bastards didn’t even have the balls to call until after lunch. No excuse, either.
“Third day in a row,” Tommy just had to say, as if he needed a nudge. “In my opinion - I think it’s time to hire somebody else.”
“Well, you know who to share that opinion with, and it ain’t me,” Joel chided – annoyed. It drove him crazy how often Tommy needed to be reminded of simple things, like what Joel’s role in the business entailed. For God sake – it’d been over a year now since he became a partner in the company.
Joel could initially understand the confusion. After all, Danny had run the business as a one-man show and everyone, including Joel, thought his daughter would fully take over once he retired. Danny had always said that was the plan anyway, and even named the place: Teddy’s Company.
Originally, Joel had thought Teddy was her real name until three years ago when he finally got the chance to meet her. But how was he supposed to know when Danny never called her by anything else? It wasn’t like Joel had known much about her back then either, and what little he did came from Danny’s vague and blue-moon updates.
College is going well.
Her new job’s treating her good.
She moved into a new place, seems to like it.
Short – brief. Some people probably thought Danny was being crusty but that wasn’t the case. No, Danny was never rude or mean, just quiet. A man of few words who on his more mute days could even make Joel look chatty.
Before meeting her, Joel used to wonder what she’d be like. His future boss. There was a mystery around her that made her seem almost mythical, an enigma. She was like Willy Wonka with her name plastered all over the place: on his shirts, the side of the truck, front and center of the shop. But Joel had no idea who she was.
Even with a gun to his head, he couldn’t have picked her out of a crowd. Or even a line-up. The only picture he’d seen of her was in a popsicle frame on Danny’s otherwise bare desk: The two of them at a petting zoo where she couldn’t be older than six.
Without much to go by, Joel had simply assumed that she would look and act, at least somewhat similar to her dad. He’d built Teddy up in his mind as a strong, burly woman who was gruff around the edges. Someone with a sailor’s mouth and stubby fingernails embedded with dirt and grit and grout.
Instead, they were fake and baby pink. She looked like she had never changed a tire in her whole life.
She probably hadn’t, but she was without a doubt smarter than Tommy and him combined. A graduate from some fancy university in California with an equally fancy business degree. Charming with a nice, smooth voice perfect for sales. If she went to a random street corner to sell bags of cow manure she could sucker anyone, even him, into waiting in line to buy one.
She was down-right impressive. Finances, pitches, and permits, she could do it all. However, the other side of the business – the manual labor, a little more dirty.
Joel had not a doubt in his mind that she had the ability to learn it, but did she want to?
Hell no.
For one, she had this irrational fear over being electrocuted. Back before Danny retired and she first started working at the front desk, Joel had walked in on her changing out a lightbulb, and you would’ve thought a snake had popped out of the ceiling. He’d mistaken it for a fear of heights until a few months back when Sarah refused to let him shower during a rainstorm. Sarah had looked hysterical using her lanky-arms to body-block the stairs, warning him that he’d get fried if he went up there.
“Don’t you know dad, lightning can travel through plumbing? Teddy was telling me all about it today.”
Joel didn’t have a clue where that particular fear stemmed from, but her vendetta against attics, now that he could understand. After all, she’d probably still be in California if not for her dad’s accident.
It was never Danny’s plan to retire so early. Despite the appointments and constant physical therapy, it’d still caught Joel by surprise, though not as much as Teddy’s offer to run the business alongside her. Together. 50/50. Sure, it came with this boring paperwork, but a bigger paycheck as well. Only a fool would’ve turned that down.
Besides, promotion or not – he would’ve stayed and worked for her, regardless.
—
Back at the shop, Joel would usually help Tommy unload the truck, but not today.
Instead, Joel tucked the file under his arm, hung his tool belt on the rack, then made his way through the garage. He entered through the back door, letting it slam behind him. The cool air greeted him, tingling his tacky skin and he shivered.
The vents rumbled inside the white hallway walls, echoing around the shop. Along with two voices coming from the lobby. When he heard Teddy’s laugh, he ran a quick hand through his hair, fixing the damp strands away from his forehead.
He rounded the corner and Teddy was at her desk. Everything from her neck down was cut-off by the high-glass counter, making her look like a floating head. A very nice-looking floating head or a nice head to look at or -
Whatever.
She was smiling at him – that same honey-golden smile that welcomed him every morning. The same smile he wished was here to welcome him every evening, as well. But with how late he worked most days, it was a hit or miss. He could never guarantee she would still be here, except on the days with Sarah.
“You’re late,” Sarah said before he could even say hi.
Joel glanced at the clock above the front door. 5:45. 15 minutes.
“Barely.” Anything less than thirty was a win in his book. It didn’t matter that Teddy chose to stick around and keep Sarah company, he wouldn’t push it. She was his business partner – not a babysitter.
“Still late.” Sarah stepped away from Teddy’s desk with her arms crossed menacingly over her chest. If not for the twitch of her lips, she would’ve appeared deadly serious. The girl never could keep a straight face though for more than a second.
“Let me guess, you’ll forgive me if we can get McDonald’s on the way home?”
Bingo. Sarah tapped on the tip of her nose and Joel huffed a laugh.
“Well, Uncle Tommy drove, but we can ask-”
“We?” Sarah looked at him like he was crazy before shaking her head. “I think I’ll handle this one on my own.”
“What’re you trying to say?” He asked and her lips curved into a half-cocky, half-play smirk that screamed teenage girl. A stage of life he felt rather unprepared for, even more so than diapers and potty training and 6th grade math. The teenage years were bound to be harder than statistics and exponents and long division.
“Come on, dad. When has Uncle Tommy ever said no to this?” She showed off her best puppy dog eyes and alright – yeah, poor Tommy didn’t stand a chance.
But Joel didn’t tell her that. He couldn’t. He was too stunned that the little girl who used to hide behind his legs at the grocery store was the same one who was strutting down the hallway now without even glancing back.
He shook his head in disbelief and looked over at Teddy. “I don’t know where all this confidence of hers has come from recently,” he said, jabbing his thumb in the direction of the now-shut door. “But I’m guessing it has something to do with you.”
“Me?” She fluttered her lashes like she was clueless – definitely something she wasn’t.
“That’s right,” he replied as he approached her desk. Her area always smelled clean and homey like fresh laundry in a field of wildflowers. The last thing he wanted to do was invade her perfumed bubble with the stench of his sweat and that specific twang that came from being outside all day. So, when he caught a strong whiff of her perfume, he stopped and propped his hip against the desk before saying, “I think you’re rubbing off on her.”
“And is that such a bad thing?” She squinted at him and unlike Sarah, she could actually keep a straight face.
“No.” He firmly shook his head. “In fact, I meant that as a compliment.”
In an instant, her flat-line lips split into a wide grin. He smiled in return, stupidly pleased with himself for making her light up like that. His gaze momentarily dropped from her lips to the single button left undone on her shirt. The charcoal gray fabric shined in a way that reminded him of moonlight over Travis Lake. It looked soft and smooth as butter. And not to mention expensive. Joel bet if he touched it, even so carefully, the material would immediately snag under his callouses.
Teddy motioned for the file and when he handed it over, he felt a draft under his armpit from the hole in his shirt. He glanced down at his jeans, covered in dirt and mud and sawdust. Filthy. He felt a twinge of self-consciousness. It was hard not to feel like a mess next to her sometimes when she was always dressed so goddamn professional with her pressed slacks and tucked in shirts. Anyone who saw her would think she worked for some big corpo with a koi pond in the lobby. Not a Morton building with more garage than office space.
“They didn’t show?”
Teddy’s voice jolted his attention back to her face. Her lips were pinched, her cherry red fingernail was bleeding into his own pissed-off pen marks. He mentally cursed himself for being too wrapped up in his own stupid head to warn her about the concrete guys. Good going, idiot.
There was nothing he could do about it now, except frown and shake his head. “They called and said-”
“Let me guess, they’ll be there first thing tomorrow?” She bitterly scoffed, clipping the folder shut. The manila spine crunched under her grip before she abruptly turned away from him to face the wall of cabinets behind her. She never said it out loud that it bothered her, but clearly it did and rightfully so.
Working here this long Joel had witnessed these same people treat her dad with respect only to now try and walk all over her. He found it complete and utter bullshit, but was it a surprise? Sadly, not really. Enough years around construction sites and his tinnitus resembled cat-calls more than a compressor.
Still, he fucking hated it. His left eye flinched watching her file away the folder in silence. The protective lobe in his brain flared as his fingers curled and burned into a fist at his side. God – he wanted to go to Harry’s Concrete and give that bald loser a piece of his mind and maybe a black eye, but he didn’t.
He wouldn’t.
No – instead, he continued to bite his tongue until his mouth flooded with the taste of pennies. He’d become used to the tang of copper in his mouth after the roofers, the plumbers, even the electricians that tried her in the past. The only reason he held himself back was because of her. Because she asked him to let her deal with it, and she was perfectly capable of handling things herself. Better than him at it, in fact.
Teddy slammed the drawer shut, rattling the entire cabinet. “I’m not gonna fire them.”
“Okay,” he said without having to think twice. He didn’t expect her to fire them, honestly. She’d explained to him before that she’d never burn bridges prematurely. The grass was not always greener on the other side, especially not in Texas. Especially not in this line of work.
“Or - I should say I’m not going to fire them yet, anyway.” Her voice was steady – determined. “But one more and it’s over. I’m gonna let Harry know that he’s on his last strike when I call him tomorrow.”
“Give ‘em hell,” he encouraged her. Whatever she said in those calls had, so far, been enough to whip everyone who crossed her into shape. Just once, he wished he could be a fly on the wall to witness her in action. She didn’t look particularly tough, but he imagined her being like an asp caterpillar, fuzzy and harmless until poked.
She didn’t linger on the topic, and instead asked about his day. He did the same. Neither had much to report outside the usual.
“So, how was Sarah today? Did she talk your ear off about the homecoming dance coming up?”
She giggled, gathering up the papers on her desk and stacking them into a neat pile in the corner. “How did you know?”
“Cause she found out Monday, and hasn’t talked about anything else since.”
“Oh and it’s only just begun,” she said with a smirk. “Welcome to your life for the next few weeks, Joel.”
Joel scratched at the spot where his temple was already beginning to throb. Why did they have to announce it so early? It was great seeing Sarah so excited, but she kept asking him about his own first homecoming. He hated lying to her, but he couldn’t very well tell her the only thing he remembered was Rachel Borthwick and how she let him feel her up – the first boobs he ever touched – underneath the gymnasium bleachers. The thought of Sarah being that same age made him want to throw up.
He swallowed the thought before it came out all over her desk. “Were you the same way at her age?”
“Oh yeah. I’m sure if you asked my dad, he’d tell you I was worse.” She snorted, almost seeming embarrassed by her younger self. “For some odd reason, I had it built up in my mind that it’d be like that prom scene from Grease. Minus the broadcast and all that-”
“Wait, your dance wasn’t on the news?” He tried to keep a straight face, but he was just as bad as his daughter.
“Shut up.” She playfully shoved his arm and he rubbed it like it hurt. She rolled her eyes, but continued anyway. “My dad didn’t have the heart to tell me, so it was a pretty huge letdown when they didn’t even play Born to Hand Jive. I think I even requested it.”
“How did you survive?”
“It’s a miracle,” she said, and he huffed out a laugh. Three years later, and she still surprised him with every new story she chose to reveal.
There was a split-second where the only sound in the room came from the buzzy-white fluorescent lights above him. Teddy stole a quick glance towards the hallway, as if checking if Sarah was back. She had still not reappeared and he wondered if Tommy had baited her into helping him unload the truck or maybe just sticking around to talk.
Teddy clicked her fingernails on the counter in front of him. “Real quick, I wanted to ask,” she said before clearing her throat. “Have you and Sarah talked at all about dress shopping?”
Joel shifted back a step, his boots scratching against the cheap, gray carpet. “Dress shopping?” He forced the words from his throat, then shook his head. He looked away, feeling a pit in his stomach that reminded him of Muffins for Mother’s Day in elementary school – Mommy & Me at the daycare.
Again – dress shopping was another one of those things girls usually did with their mom’s, but Lisa wasn’t meant to be a mom. She’d even said so herself in the note she left next to her engagement ring on the day she vanished with their dog. Joel wished his own mom was still around to help fill in when the gaps felt too big for him, but sadly, she had passed away before Sarah turned 4. Since then, it’d only been just Tommy and him.
“The only reason I ask is because,” Teddy started, clutching at the dainty gold chain around her neck, “Well, she sorta asked me to take her.”
“Oh.” Joel didn’t know what else to say. Not that it offended him or anything petty like that. God no – he wasn’t delusional enough to think that he would be Sarah’s first choice when it came to fashion. After all, his idea of dressing up was a flannel and whatever jeans were clean. Teddy made a lot more sense than him.
“I didn’t give her an answer, just so you know. I wanted to check with you first.” Her voice was rushed, slightly pitchy, and he realized this was the first time he’d ever seen her even remotely nervous. She must be just as cautious as him about crossing whatever line was supposed to exist in this…relationship? Dynamic?
Joel smiled at her, softly, hoping to ease her anxiety. “Well, thank you,” he said and she appeared to relax at his calm tone. “I have no problems with you taking her, as long as you wanna do it.”
“Of course, I want to, but are you - are you sure? I mean, you could always come with us if you want. We could all go together?”
The offer was tempting, but he declined. He knew Sarah would enjoy it being just the two of them. It could be girl time or whatever.
Teddy pulled out her planner to check on what dates would work best when Sarah came back in. Once she heard the good news, the victorious grin on her face somehow grew even bigger. The last time he saw her that excited was when he surprised her with tickets to Six Flags for her 11th birthday.
Teddy and her started to discuss which stores to hit and what mall would be best, basically a foreign language to him. He should’ve started on closing duties, but instead he found his gaze drawn to Teddy. How she appeared equally as thrilled as Sarah. He always could tell when she was excited by the way she talked with her hands. That smile was downright infectious and –
He noticed Sarah watching him. Her quizzical eyes were glued to his face. Shit. He was staring. Quick. Joel forced a smile at Sarah that hopefully said nothing-to-see-here. He didn’t stick around to wait for her reaction and instead, fled into his office.
For a few minutes, he pretended to check over files and went down the list of closing duties, completely avoiding them until the only thing left was setting the alarm. Finally, he dared to look in their direction again. When he saw Sarah’s focus was entirely on Teddy, the tension drained from his shoulders.
He thought he was in the clear.
—-
“Dad, do you think Teddy’s pretty?”
Joel’s head whipped up and a sharp, pointy fry was lodged into the back of his throat. It burned and stabbed its way down to his esophagus. For a second, he thought he was going to choke and die at his own dining room table from a McDonald’s fry.
“What?” His voice crackled like sandpaper from holding in a cough.
“She asked if you thought Teddy was pretty?” Tommy repeated, loud and clear with a smug grin that he didn’t even try to hide behind his Big Mac.
Joel’s gaze flickered from one set of brown eyes to the next. He was cornered, his back against the bay window. No way out and no one to blame but himself for this mess. He was, after all, the dummy who got caught.
Joel held up a waiting finger, then slowly sipped on his coke to calm his burning throat. He wiped his mouth with a napkin as he wrapped his head around what to say. Lying was out of the question. It seemed more damning than the truth.
The thing was – there was nothing wrong with finding her attractive. It didn’t have to mean anything. It wasn’t like she was asking if he liked her. Not that he did like her. Well, maybe just a little. Just a teeny, tiny crush but it was nothing really. Stupid, honestly. For the most part, he could ignore it.
Joel cleared his throat and gave a casual shrug. “Uh yeah, she’s uh - she’s pretty.”
Despite his best attempt at cool, Sarah’s lips still flickered. Only the corners, as she continued to bathe her fries in a pool of ketchup.
“Have you ever thought about - maybe asking her out?”
A deep laugh barked in his ears and bounced around the tile floor like spiky ping pong balls. “Come on, Teddy’s way out of his league.” Tommy’s hand collided against his shoulder with a hard thwack. It slightly stung.
But Joel didn’t take it too seriously. Tommy hassling him over Teddy was nothing new. Ever since she started working the front desk, it’d been Tommy’s favorite gag. In a weird way, Joel considered it a good thing that he saw it as one big joke. If Tommy had any idea about his silly crush, he would’ve kept his mouth shut instead of teasing him. Tommy might’ve been a lot of things, but he wasn’t cruel.
Sarah didn’t seem to care whether it was a joke or not and scolded her uncle from across the table. She gave him a hard glare before turning back to Joel. She blinked expectantly, not letting him out of this.
Joel sighed. “Sorry, kiddo, but I don’t think so.”
“Why not?”
“Because.” He licked his teeth and sucked a stuck piece of meat from between his molars. There was a laundry list of reasons, but he went with the least complicated. “We work together.”
“So? Two teachers at my school are dating, and it’s no big deal. They didn’t even get in trouble.”
“Wait,” Tommy piped in with a mouthful of bun and sauce. “Isn’t she dating someone?”
Joel swallowed down the salty taste in his mouth, bitter like vinegar. He nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”
“You think so?” Sarah looked at him with clear suspicion. “So, she didn’t tell you that.”
“Well…no. But-”
“Then, how do you know?”
Joel crinkled the empty wrapper into a tight ball, then tossed it into the paper bag. “Somebody sent her flowers at work. Nice ones too.” Too grand to fit in her car, so instead they lived and died in the tiny break room directly across from his office.
“When?”
Three months. “I don’t know, not that long ago.”
“Well, how do you know they weren’t from her dad?” Sarah asked, not backing down. “Or maybe her friends sent them?”
Joel shook his head, recalling the stupid plastic holder that had poked out at him like a giant weed among the long stem roses. “The card said Happy Anniversary.”
At that, Sarah sank into the chair like a deflated balloon. She shoved a whole chicken nugget into her mouth – no sauce. Each dry crunch-crunch grated against the silence.
This recent interest in his love life was new. He wondered if it had something to do with her age or maybe all those rom-coms she watched. She’d never cared about him dating or – she did try to set him up once, a few months ago, with her best friend’s recently divorced mom, but when he shot it down she had quickly moved on.
But she didn’t even finish her chicken nuggets. He noticed a faraway look in her eyes – his eyes, one of the only things she inherited from him. She was somewhere deep in her head, in that big brain of hers that definitely didn’t come from him.
She did eventually perk up when Tommy brought up the new season of the Bachelor, but still wasn’t her usual self. So after Tommy left, Joel settled in beside her on the couch to watch Friends. This show was like her pacifier. Sick or just a bad day, one of Joey’s jokes could cheer her up instantly.
Not today, though. A whole episode later, and she’d barely said a word. Barely laughed, which had him really concerned. He got the sense that whatever was bothering her was something bigger than just Teddy.
“You’re quiet tonight.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and snugged her closer. She collapsed into him like a domino. Full cheeks squished against his shirt. She didn’t respond, and he didn’t press. Only can-laughter existed in the space between them.
Laying like this reminded him of when she was a baby. So tiny, a full head of hair even then. She would fall asleep on his bare chest while waiting for Lisa to return home from work. Looking back, the signs had always been there that one day she would run. She’d practically lived at her job after her maternity leave was done. Hell, she didn’t even take the full 6 weeks. Post-partum, the doctor called it, it’ll get better in time. But it didn’t. There was no medication cocktail that could make her want this life – that could make her want to stay.
“Can I ask you something?” Sarah’s eyes didn’t leave Phoebe and Monica.
“Anything,” he murmured against her hair before placing a light kiss to the top of her head. She no longer smelled of Johnson & Johnson or desitin, but coconuts and lime.
“Are you lonely?”
Even with her feathery-soft tone, the words hit him like a sucker punch, square in the jaw. Where the hell did that come from?
“Do I seem lonely?” The words left him like a reflex, automatic. It was the second time tonight she’d caught him off-guard.
“I don’t know.” She shrugged, her shoulders sliding along his t-shirt. “Are you?”
Slowly Sarah lifted her head – her big eyes bore into him and when he could trace every concerned line on her young face, the guilt smothered him like wet mineral wool. It was his job to worry, not hers.
He urgently shook his head. “No. Of course not.”
She silently stared at him, squinting as if somehow it would give her Professor X’s ability to read his mind. Clearly, he did not convince her and so he tried again. Harder.
“Sarah, listen. I am perfectly fine, alright?” He brushed a curly strand of hair from her face, firmly holding her gaze. “If I was lonely, I’d go do something with Uncle Tommy. He’s always asking me to do things after work-”
“Why don’t you?”
Joel couldn’t help but chuckle at her confusion. Of course, she wouldn’t understand. Teenagers always wanted to be out somewhere, doing something with their friends.
“Cause I’m old. And I’m tired. And honestly, I’d rather be home.” With you. The last part never slipped through the gap in his bottom teeth. He never wanted to make Sarah feel guilty for leaving him and living her life.
“You’re such a hermit.” She nudged at his chest, a smile sweeping across her face. Exactly what he’d been missing.
“I prefer homebody,” he corrected, making her burst into a giggling fit. He waited until she went quiet to say, “Either way - you ain’t gotta worry about me, alright?”
Once again, her expression turned very serious. Her eyes darted once, twice, across his face. “Swear?”
“On my life.”
—
Later that night, Joel laid awake in bed fighting to find a comfortable position. Even sprawling out in the middle didn’t work. The sheets were tangled around his legs, his feet – his thoughts equally twisted up from Sarah’s question earlier.
Are you lonely? Was he?
Joel had never considered himself to be lonely. Not really. Or not all the time, at least. For the most part, Sarah and work kept him busy enough that he never gave it much thought.
If he did think about it though, he supposed crawling into bed alone every night could get a little depressing. He was still human, after all. Intimacy was a basic human need. It was just simple biology when he occasionally craved a soft touch or someone to talk with before drifting off to sleep. It’d been a long damn time since he experienced either of those things.
Maybe Sarah was onto something. Maybe it was time for him to get back out there, but oh God. Just thinking about it made him light-headed.
Where would he even start?
His last serious relationship was his only serious relationship. After Lisa left, there was hardly any time for that. Being a single dad, dating wasn’t his top priority.
Sure, he’d managed to squeeze in a few first dates over the years, even less second ones, and he couldn’t for the life of him recall a third. If so, it’d been nothing worth remembering.
Honestly, the only person he’d considered asking out recently was Teddy. It was just a dumb idea that crossed his mind sometime in late spring when too much tree pollen and dust mites must’ve gotten into his head. He’d luckily come to his senses and fast. A few short weeks later, those damn flowers showed up.
If he was being honest, no one else really interested him.
And how could they?
It wasn’t even just about her looks, she was sweet and smart and surprisingly funny. Joking or not, Tommy was right – she was way out of his league and why was he thinking about this right now? Joel cleared his mind with a hard shake of his head. He needed to stop, get some sleep. He didn’t want to know what time it was already. Without looking at the clock, he flipped onto his side, fluffed his pillow, then shut his eyes.
Within seconds, Teddy slithered back into his mind with her perfect smile, the delicious scent of her soap, and those jeans she would undoubtedly wear tomorrow. Casual Friday might actually be the death of him. Denim on her hips was seriously a sin.
Just thinking of her fully-clothed ass made his cock twitch inside his boxers. Somehow that was enough to get him half-hard, the tip snagging over the soft-cotton.
Joel groaned in unison with the bed springs as he flopped onto his back. His palms itched to reach down and squeeze at his cock for a little relief. But he resisted, and forced his mind to somewhere far less pleasant. Broken wires. Wrong-size headers. Clogged drains. A memory of her gripping a PVC pipe invaded his brain and suddenly, it was her small hands wrapped around him instead. How would she look on her knees for him? Would she be able to fit him all in her two hands? If not, would she use her –
“Fuck.” Joel gritted his teeth and fisted at the comforter. Get a grip.
He felt like he was going crazy. Probably from the lack of action outside of his own fist. It was finally catching up with him. Tommy did warn him this would happen and fuck – he hated when Tommy was right.
Joel thought back to the last time he had sex and cringed. Two years ago, but the memory was tattooed in his brain just like the monarch butterfly on the random woman’s lower back. It happened at a sleazy bar where everyone knew Tommy by name. He’d taken too many shots of Wild Turkey, then found himself fucking the woman in a one staller, quick and sloppy, right next to a clogged toilet. Not his proudest moment. He’d go to the grave blaming the whole thing on Tommy, who treated their rare nights out like the bachelor party he was still pissed off that he didn’t get to throw.
The truth was though, even before Joel’s current involuntary celibacy, his sex life had been relatively non-existent.
He hadn’t had sex on a semi-consistent basis since his 20’s. A casual hookup with a lady named Amy, who lived in the same apartment complex as him. No-strings attached. An arrangement born out of pure convenience rather than desire or intense lust. She lived in the apartment below him, and once a week came up after Sarah went to sleep and left before the condom hit the trash can. No surprise it ended once he moved out, and ever since then, it’d been random hookups and one-night stands whenever Tommy and him went out for a night.
Joel sighed and stared up at the moon-stain ceiling of his bedroom, careful not to make any sudden movements in hopes to fight down his erection. While still and quiet might’ve worked to spook a black bear, his boner was sadly proving more resilient.
With every passing minute, the warm tingly feeling in his belly spread like weeds through his body. His fingertips down to his toes. Fully hard, now. It became clear ignoring it was useless. He would just have to get this over with, so he could get some sleep tonight.
Joel forcibly kicked off his blankets, then shoved down his boxers. His cock thwacked against his stomach and the tip was already shiny. He preferred to do this in the shower to avoid a mess, the steady stream of water helping to cover up his dry, cracked hands better than saliva. But something was better than nothing. He spit into his hand until his mouth was dry, then wrapped it around his cock.
Whether in the shower or in his bed, it didn’t matter, Joel always jerked off like it was a chore. Hard and fast strokes where he could barely catch his breath. No need for soft and sensual, just a tight fist to take the edge off. This way, he found it easier to keep his less than friendly thoughts of Teddy at bay.
He tried his best not to think about Teddy while doing this because friends don’t imagine their friends while fucking their fist. And that was all she was, all she would ever be – a friend. If he could he wouldn’t have thought of anyone at all, but he needed someone to imagine to get off.
Instead of Teddy, he pictured a cover model from a 90’s Penthouse Magazine that he’d found in the guest room after Tommy moved out. A pretty brunette with big natural tits, who he didn’t have to work with tomorrow.
His room steadily filled with the wet slap of his hand, the low thrum of the oscillating fan as he pretended the nameless woman was riding him. He was brutally fucking his fist when the woman shape-shifted into Teddy. So abruptly that he could barely register that it was her taking him down to the hilt. Her rolling her hips. Her fingernails scratching over his ribs, his shoulders, his chest with a little smirk even more sinful than her tight jeans.
“Shit,” Joel hissed when he realized, but too late – his hips surged forward as he came. So sudden, so fast, it almost gave him whiplash.
Joel was not usually loud during sex, more of a grunter than anything else, but it had never been so vivid. So real. He could practically feel the wet-heat of her cunt clenching around him. He had to snag his bottom lip between his teeth to keep every needy and desperate sound from bleeding out of his mouth as his cock pulsed and throbbed against his palm. He wouldn’t let himself find out what her name tasted like when he moaned.
Clearly, this was not the first time she’d popped into his mind and he doubted it would be the last. He wouldn’t feel nearly as bad about it either, but there was a fuck-ton of cum on his stomach. Even a little on his chest. Fuck – he came so hard it made him lightheaded.
He let the shame simmer down and once he caught his breath, he carefully dug out a travel-pack of Kleenex from his nightstand. He didn’t even wanna count how many tissues it took to wipe the syrupy-hot evidence from his skin.
He’d be sticking to the shower from now until forever.
—
The days had come and went and over a week later, Joel had not jacked off again. Not in the shower, and definitely not in his bed. But that had nothing to do with Teddy. Seriously. It was just a coincidence.
Work had picked up. The heat wave had died out, giving way to more 80 degree days. Fall was fast approaching, by far their busiest season. There was a brand new neighborhood of bland cookie-cutter slab houses that had him working doubles everyday and judging by today, this week would be the exact same way.
The streets were dark and mainly deserted by the time Joel dropped Tommy off at his apartment complex. Joel glanced at his phone – once again – for any missed calls before heading home. Still nothing. No new voicemails – 0 messages.
The first and last time he heard from Sarah was after Teddy picked her up from school, right before heading into the mall. He’d told Sarah to call him once Teddy dropped her off, but she must’ve forgot. The same way she always forgot to lock the front door. He would be home in less than 5 minutes or else he would’ve called. But he would rather give her a talking-to in person.
For a second, he wondered if she and Teddy were still at the mall, but it was late. Nearly 9.
No one could spend 5 hours there. Hell, he could barely spend more than 2 without going stir-crazy.
The last thing he expected when pulling onto his street was to see Teddy’s car parked in front of his house. The pearly white shell was perfectly lit up underneath a street light.
What was she doing here?
He thought she would drop Sarah off and dip after their shopping trip, but obviously not. Dear God, he hoped she wasn’t waiting on him. Joel whipped into his driveway and hopped out without bothering to grab his tool box in the back.
Inside, the living room was lit up with every lamp turned on, but otherwise empty. It was still tidy from the cleaning he did on Sunday, thankfully. He threw his keys on the console table, shutting the front door with his foot. He heard movement upstairs and headed that way.
“Sarah,” he called out, mainly to give a heads-up and not scare them. “I’m home.”
“Finally,” Sarah said as he stepped into her room. It smelled like that Body Works store at Barton Creek that Sarah loved, but always had him leaving with a headache.
He stayed close to the fresh air and leaned against the door frame. Sarah was perched at her vanity, the counter in front of her completely buried under make-up, nail polish, and a bunch of other crap.
“Teddy’s helping me decide what to wear with my dress.” Sarah swiveled around in her stool to face him.
“Yeah, I see that.” Joel looked over at Teddy, who was standing behind Sarah with an earring pinched in each hand. The smile on her face was genuine. If she was in any real hurry to leave she didn’t show it. “When did y’all get back?”
“I don’t know. 8:15? 8:20? Somewhere around there.” Sarah shared a shrug with Teddy. A little over thirty minutes, not bad. With the mess, he would’ve thought closer to an hour.
“Dinner took a bit longer than I thought it would,” Teddy explained and his brows furrowed.
“Busy night at the food court or something?”
He noticed Sarah and Teddy share a secretive glance, and of course, they didn’t eat at the food court. He should’ve known better than to think Teddy would just take her to Sbarro. But out of every chain restaurant – did she have to pick the damn Cheesecake Factory?
Sarah was raving over the Mac & Cheese balls that definitely cost more than the 10 dollars he sent for baked ziti. Judging by the amount of shopping bags in the corner, Sarah had used her extra spending money on clothes instead of Chicken Costoletta.
He waited until Sarah turned her back to nail Teddy with a knowing look. She swatted it away like a bothersome fly. She could be so damn stubborn sometimes.
Later, he would deal with it. Money was not a topic he liked to discuss in front of Sarah. Besides, there were more important things at the moment.
“So, are you gonna show me this dress of yours?”
Sarah eagerly nodded and bounced over to her bed, picking up the black garment bag. It didn’t even allow him a peek at the color, not even when she hugged it tightly to her chest.
“Well, come on - don’t leave me hanging. I’ve been waiting all night.”
“Dad, you gotta see it on me or else you won’t get the full-effect,” she sassed, a duh implied in her tone. “Go downstairs, you and Teddy can wait-”
“Now, hold on there Sarah. It’s - it’s getting pretty late,” he pointed out, and Sarah’s fraying smile told him that she knew what he was trying to say. He hated disappointing her, but this was the right thing to do. “So Teddy, if you need to go home, don’t feel like you gotta stay.”
Selfishly, Joel wanted her to stay, but why would she? She had already seen the dress, already given up her entire evening for Sarah. This was a free out, and he expected her to take it.
Instead, She crossed her arms over her chest like a defiant child. “No way you’re getting rid of me that easily, Joel,” she said. “I’m sticking around to see your reaction.”
Without giving him a chance to respond, she slid past him, her chest brushing against his arm. She motioned him to follow and he did without question.
She led the way downstairs as if she’d been here before. But the few times she’d come by before to drop off paperwork she never made it past the front porch.
His pulse slightly hiked up seeing her in his living room for the first time. Her gaze scanning the camel-colored walls, the pictures of Sarah throughout the years, his guitar that he rarely found time to play. Above the DVD and CD rack was the only real piece of art in the room – if that’s what people would call the painting of waves he’d found at a garage sale, the same one where he got the mismatched pillows on the couch.
Interior design wasn’t his strong suit, but he was still proud of his home. Proud of himself for buying it on his own, for being able to prove this kind of place for his kid. All of this, from the rug to every decoration and lamp. It was best attempts to make this space feel homey – lived in for Sarah’s sake. She would not be the only kid in class growing up in a bachelor pad.
“So, this is Joel Miller’s house?” Teddy spun around to face him and he found that she looked really good next to his coffee table. “It’s nice. I like it.”
“Yeah?” Joel rubbed the back of his neck, toeing the tile-carpet line that separated the kitchen from the living room.
“Especially the Cowboys decor.” She pointed her thumb at the framed blue star logo that was hung up by the stairs. “Did you know I used to wanna be a cheerleader for them?”
Joel’s mouth went drier than when eating pretzels. He rapidly shook his head, mainly to erase the mental image of her in that skimpy little outfit. It would probably haunt him in his dreams for the rest of his life.
He cleared his throat and took a seat on the couch. “I’m surprised Sarah didn’t give you a tour.”
“Oh, she did.” Teddy plopped down on the couch with him, keeping a friendly distance of a cushion. “But don’t worry, the grand tour didn’t include your bedroom. She said that was off limits.” She puckered her bottom lip, pouting as if actually disappointed.
“Trust me, you’re not missing much.”
“But isn’t that where the magic happens?”
Joel accidentally let out a snort. Magic. Nothing close to magic had ever happened in that room, unless what he did last week counted. “I think you’ve been watching too much Cribs.”
Her lips parted, her eyes lit up with a wild look of amusement. “Does Joel Miller secretly watch MTV?”
“Only against my will.” He jerked his chin towards the stairs. “She loves all that shit.”
“Yeah. She did talk a lot about True Life while at din…ner.” Teddy clipped her lips together, catching her slip.
“Trust me, I didn’t forget.” His tone carried a smug edge, making her huff in annoyance. “So, how ‘bout you tell me how much I owe you for it?”
“You don’t owe me anything.”
“Teddy,” he warned. Still, she insistently shook her head, refusing to make things easy for him.
“Sorry, but I can’t let you pay me back,” she said. “It wouldn’t be right.”
“Really? How come?”
She straightened her posture, the brown leather groaning underneath her. “Well, for one - it was my decision to take her there, wasn’t it?”
“So?”
“So, it doesn’t make sense for you to have to pay for something I decided, now does it?”
Joel licked his teeth at her loop-hole logic. She was eyeing him with a very serious expression, as if this wasn’t over 30? 35 bucks? Hell, there was probably enough in his wallet right now to cover it.
If this were anyone else, Joel would’ve already said fuck this and drained his wallet of every nickel and dime, just to be safe. He wouldn’t accept no for an answer because he didn’t need anyone’s help or handout. He made enough money to support not only himself, but his daughter perfectly fine. Thank you.
But this wasn’t just anyone – this was Teddy. Whether it was because she did his payroll or because she was so bullheaded, he didn’t know, but she had a funny way of making him fold.
“Secondly.” She lifted a second finger before he could raise the white flag. “It wouldn’t be right for you to pay me back for your own gift.”
Huh? “Gift?”
She hummed in response. “There might be a little early birthday present waiting for you in the fridge.”
He couldn’t remember the last time someone, other than Sarah, got him a birthday present. Most of the time, not even Tommy did; his presence was the present or whatever bullshit he said. But she’d thought of him. Him. The idea made his chest begin to swell like metal on a blazing summer day. He ducked his head to hide the heat rising in his cheeks.
“You didn’t need to get me any-”
Teddy grasped his arm, instantly turning the rest of his sentence into sawdust. His gaze flickered from her hand on his forearm, to her eyes. She really was beautiful, especially in the warm pool of lamp light in his living room.
“I wanted to,” she assured him with a voice as soft as her touch. Her thumb gently skimmed over his arm hair and he held back a shiver with the clench of his teeth. “It’s just Classic Vanilla Bean Cheesecake. A little boring, but Sarah said that’s your favorite.”
“It is.” His voice cracked like a pre-teen and embaressed, he averted his eyes. How ridiculous. He needed to get a grip. Pull himself together. He was acting like a fucking virgin. Joel swallowed and stiffly nodded. “Thank you.”
She gave his arm a small squeeze before pulling away. The spot where she touched him still tingled, still burned.
“It’s the least I could do, since I’ll be missing it.”
Joel brushed her off with an easy wave of his hand. Other than work, he didn’t have any plans, so she really wasn’t missing anything. “I think you’ll have more fun in Phoenix, anyway.”
“Just don’t let Tommy set the place on fire while I’m gone.”
“Do you have that little faith in me?” he asked – teased. It was only a few days. Leaving Thursday, back in the office by the following.
She lightly nudged his arm, just as a door opened.
“Are you ready?” Sarah called out, and his focus shifted to the bottom of the stairs.
“I was born ready, kiddo. So, come on, let’s see it.” Joel drummed his hands excitedly against his thighs.
Waiting there reminded him of the fashion shows she used to put on for him. She’d wait at the top of the stairs until he popped in the Whitney Houston CD. For the big finale, they would dance around the living room to I Wanna Dance With Somebody.
But Sarah didn’t appear in a bright-pink princess costume, but instead a pretty little purple dress. Her heels were real, not made out of cheap plastic or from the Dollar Tree. His little girl looked so grown up. The realization that she was grown up made the back of his eyes burn.
Joel scrubbed a hand down his slack, scruffy jaw, watching Sarah twist from side-to-side. The shiny material swished around her knees.
“Baby girl, you look - beautiful,” he said without trying to hide the crackle in his voice. “The prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”
Sarah giggled, almost bashfully. “That’s exactly what Teddy said.”
“Well, that’s because it’s the truth,” Teddy stated earnestly. Sarah’s entire face lit up and God – she had such a killer smile. He would never get tired of seeing it.
When Sarah pulled back her hair to show Teddy two different pairs of earrings, she immediately went over to get a closer look.
Discussing jewelry and lip gloss, Sarah’s shiny wide eyes clung to her every word as if it was wrapped in gold, as if it held some infinite wisdom. It suddenly hit him that he’d never seen Sarah look at anyone like that. Not her favorite teacher. Not her best friend’s mom. Not even Mrs. Adler who lived next door and used to babysit her after school.
Poor Mrs. Adler, she meant well but Sarah and her could not have been more different. Thinking about it, Teddy was the first woman that Sarah shared anything in common with, who she didn’t have to share with the rest of the class or came second to a friend.
For once, Sarah had some special bond for herself.
His breath caught in his throat watching Teddy fuss with Sarah’s dress. Her eyes barely leaving Sarah’s bright face as she untwisted a strap and smoothed out a few spots in the back. For a second, he imagined her here with them every night – thought about how seamlessly she would fit into their lives.
Holy shit - what the fuck is he doing? Stop it.
Joel forced himself to look away, pruning those thoughts before they grew. The light, liquid warmth in his chest ran cold. It turned into mercury when it settled in his belly.
Luckily, Sarah and Teddy were too preoccupied with finishing details to notice him obsessively picking at his fingernails. He didn’t know what got a hold of him.
This was insane. She was his friend, his business partner, and whatever she was to Sarah that was more important than a stupid crush. No – he would not complicate a good thing with his feelings. Feelings she didn’t reciprocate. For God sake, she was dating someone else. Get over it.
Joel thought it might be a good thing that Teddy would be gone for a few days. More than ever, he needed some distance. Some time to help screw his head back on straight.
—
Too early on Tuesday morning, Joel sleepily fought the coffee machine until dark liquid gurgled and spewed into the pot.
“Have you heard from Teddy at all?” Tommy asked as Joel filled up a to-go cup.
“Oh yeah, hear from her every night before going to sleep.”
“Really?”
Joel shoved the coffee pot back inside its home, and blinked at Tommy. “Of course not. She’s on vacation. Why would she call me?”
He figured she’d brought whoever she was dating on the trip with her. They were probably going to her cousin’s wedding, meeting her college roommates new baby while he was here - in Texas. Alone. When he thought about it like that, it put everything into some much needed perspective.
Joel didn’t give Tommy a chance to respond before barging out and heading to the garage. He still was not used to seeing her empty desk instead of her warm smile, telling him to have a good day.
“So, do you miss her, yet?” Tommy asked while loading up the truck.
“She’s only been gone a few days,” Joel snorted, as if it was a ridiculous question to ask. “Why? Do you miss her?”
“Miss her coffee, that’s for damn sure.” He grimaced at the cup before taking a tentative sip. “Shit sucks. You add too much water.”
“I’d like to see you do any better.” Joel obnoxiously slurped on his drink, then winced. It did kinda taste like dirt. “She does make it better,” he conceded. “It’ll be nice to have her back.”
The distance had been a good thing for him, though. It was much easier for him to think without her dizzying perfume. What happened in his living room had been just a moment of weakness, of panic. Blown completely out of proportion.
The thing was – he’d always had a crush on her. It was nothing new, and he was perfectly happy with just this. With never being anything more than friends – her in his life, that was enough for him.
It had to be.
“Well, speaking of Thursday.” Tommy spoke in a tone that almost always meant he wanted something. “I’ve been meaning to tell you, I gotta leave work early that day.”
“Why? Got an appointment or something?”
Tommy shook his head, then spewed a sob story that lasted nearly the entire drive to the site. His buddy Aaron had just broken up with his cheating girlfriend, and needed help moving out of their apartment. Too bad it wasn’t a different one of Tommy's military buddies or Joel would’ve immediately said no, but Aaron actually wasn’t a douchebag.
“Well, what time would you leave? Cause we gotta finish that block by Friday-”
“She works the night shift, so not until like 3 or 4,” he said, swaying him further. “And Aaron said he’ll pick me up from the site, so you ain’t gotta do anything.”
Joel shrugged, whatever. Fine. They would just have to work late tonight and tomorrow.
—-
So far, Thursday had not gone at all like Joel had anticipated. His reunion with Teddy this morning was disappointingly quick. It wasn’t like he expected her to run into his arms and hug him or anything dramatic like that, but he did think it would be more than just a few minutes of small talk where Tommy dominated most of the conversation with his plans for later.
Which turned out to be total bullshit by the way. 3 to 4 ended up being more like 1:30, ruining his chance to see Teddy this evening. The inspectors would be here tomorrow morning, so the frame had to be finished tonight with or without an extra set of hands.
Now, at 6:30, Joel was just leaving the site. He picked up Wendy’s to make up for his crummy day, only for the burger to be loaded with pickles and onions when he specifically asked for ketchup only. He still scarfed it down, along with a medium dry on the drive back to shop where the only thing that would be waiting for him was an empty office and a fat-ass stack of paperwork. Some supply sheets that could hopefully be knocked out before Sarah needed to be picked up later.
He pulled in through the back entrance and was taking his sweet time unloading the truck. Lowly humming Wedding Bells by the great Hank Williams when the door opened with a screech. The sound echoed around the steel walls of the garage and he jerked, nearly dropping a nail gun on his foot. Somehow, he managed to catch it just before it slid off the rack.
He turned around and - “Teddy?”
“I was wondering what was taking you so long,” she said in a sweet drawl that made his pulse race for an entirely different reason.
He stared at her dumbly, blinking rapidly to make sure this was not just his imagination. She was still here. He wet his throat with a hard swallow. “You surprised me.”
“I can tell.” She giggled and embarrassment swarmed his neck like fire ants. He couldn’t believe she just witnessed him flail around like an idiot. He promptly went back to gathering up the last of the wooden boards and stacking them in the corner. “Did you not see my car out front?”
“I came in off 77th,” he explained, brushing the dust from his hands onto his jeans.
“I could’ve helped.” She leaned against the door, opening it wider as he walked over.
“Nah, I got it,” he said with a casual shake of his head. “Wouldn’t want you to ruin that shirt, anyway.” His eyes dipped over the satiny material, this time a deep maroon.
“It is a great shirt.” She playfully bumped into his side with her shoulder when he stepped inside. The delicious scent of her soap sent an electric jolt up his spine. He matched her steps down the hallway. “What’re you still doing here anyway?”
“Well, there’s the Fox Ridge pitch tomorrow and there’s two more next week. And I have been gone for like a week.” She tucked herself back behind her desk. “Remember?”
Oh yeah, he remembered.
For a few minutes, they caught up on work and talked about homecoming, which was Saturday, and Sarah, who was currently at her friend’s house making posters or whatever for the big game tomorrow. He asked if she enjoyed her trip, which she obviously did from the glow around her. He almost asked about the wedding until he noticed all the files on her desk, the neat stacks of paper labeled with post-it notes that clearly showed she was busy.
He decided not to be selfish and take up anymore of her time and instead went into his office.
“Let me know if you need anything,” she told him before he closed the door. He left it slightly cracked in a way that seemed inviting before taking a seat at his desk. He would’ve just left it wide open if he thought it would be possible to focus. But even the back of her head could be enough to distract him.
Just like the rest of the shop, his office had been recorated by Teddy when Danny retired. He’d actually offered her the office, multiple times, but she refused. She preferred the natural light in the front, and he couldn’t blame her when the one window in here was puny and overlooked the trash cans.
Without her, Joel would’ve left the walls as blank and as white as Danny, the bookshelves just as bare and dusty, and there wouldn’t be a single lamp, let alone two. But he definitely appreciated the lamps this late in the day when the overhead light would burn too loud and bright.
Supposedly, she’d gotten them for free from a friend that was moving. He’d believed the story, at first, until one day she showed up with a giant picture of Yellowstone River, two more of different landscapes. A Golden forest. A mountain range. She’d just stumbled upon them at a Goodwill for the same price as a pizza. And then she’d filled the bookcases that framed his desk with architectural books that would likely never be read and tiny fake plants, which he couldn’t kill. Those she’d claimed were found at a garage sale for the magical price of a gift card to her favorite nearby lunch spot.
She would’ve decorated the office for her dad if he would’ve let her. Danny didn’t care though if she found the space so depressing when it came down to money. But Joel could not find it in him to tell her no when she looked so damn pleased with herself afterwards. She’d done such a nice job that he wished he could use the office more. One day he probably would when Sarah moved out. He had a love-hate relationship with being home alone. The quiet could be peaceful, then other times forlorn.
After finishing up two supply lists for upcoming projects, Joel went to start on a third when his door jarred open with a soft knock. Teddy was hovering around the threshold with a file in one hand.
“Are you busy?”
Joel shook his head, shoving the folder aside then signaling her to come in. She stepped inside, nudging the door shut with her hip. It didn’t latch. No one else was here, otherwise he would’ve pointed it out. But he didn’t know why she shut it in the first place, honestly.
“Sorry to bother you-”
“You’re not bothering me,” he interrupted. “What can I do for you?”
“It’s the Fox Ridge pitch.” She sauntered over to his desk, hips swaying and squeezed into a pair of black jeans. Her shirt was gaping open in the front from the top two buttons being left undone and wasn’t it just one earlier? It was always one, right?
He realized it would’ve been easy to catch a peek of her bra when she bent over to hand him the file, but like a good person – like a good friend – he looked away. His gaze remained firmly fused to her face until she sat down in the chair across from him.
She wanted his thoughts on the pitch, and he agreed to take a look. Based on the first page it looked perfect, and even if it wasn’t, he wouldn’t be much help. After all, she was the brains of the operation where he was just the muscle.
“So, how was the wedding?” Joel flipped onto the next page without looking up. “Your cousin’s right?”
“Good memory.” She hummed, sounding pleasantly surprised. Her nails clicked along the steel arm of the chair. “But yeah, the wedding was… it was nice.”
“Was it?” Joel glanced up at her with a suspiciously quirked brow. “Cause, you ain’t gotta lie to me. I won’t tell.”
She clicked her tongue as if her reluctant tone wasn’t what led him to such a conclusion.
“I’m not lying, it was really nice. A lot of family that I haven’t seen in a while was there. And my cousin has amazing taste, so the wedding was gorgeous. It was small and intimate, but.” She let out a big breath. “It’s just everyone except my dad and I had dates.”
“Did you not bring your-” Too late, the words had poured out before he could think twice and he cursed his stupid, overly curious mind. He had no idea what to say to cover up his lapse, so he just didn’t. It just hung in the air and he turned to the next page without reading the last.
“Bring my what, Joel?” Her voice made it sound more like a challenge than a question. He peered up at her and she looked him directly in the eyes. It was as if she knew what he was going to say. It was as if she wanted him to ask.
Joel screwed the blue pen into his grip. “I thought - I thought you had a boyfriend.”
At that, she reclined back in the chair. She crossed her legs and tilted her head as if to study him. “What made you think I have a boyfriend?” she asked with such wild amusement that it confused him.
Didn’t she? Tommy had seen the card, the flowers as well, so it wasn’t something he just made up in his head. She was or used to be dating someone. Oh – maybe it wasn’t a boyfriend, but a girlfriend. Not that he was about to ask. God no. He’d butted into her personal life enough for one night.
“Well, you know.” Joel scratched the back of his head, then pointed in the direction of the break room. “There were those flowers, remember?”
Her eyes widened – her lips parted. “Yeah, I remember. I just, I guess I didn’t think you would.”
“Well, it ain’t everyday someone gets a garden delivered here.” He meant it as a joke, but it came off rather jealous. He tacked on a chuckle for good measure. She snorted, so it must’ve worked.
“Okay fair. I was dating someone, but that’s over. Been over. We broke up like 4 months ago? So, not long after that, actually.”
Joel grimaced. He could barely focus on her being single when he felt like shit. No one wanted to be reminded of their ex. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She brushed off like it was no big deal.
Still, he remained silent as the grave because what the hell was he supposed to say now?
“I was the one who ended things, just in case that makes you feel better.” Of course she was. No one in their right mind would break up with someone as amazing as her. “But since we’re on the topic and all - what about you, Joel?”
“What about me?” Joel finally met her eyes and her lips twisted into a mischievous smirk that made his stomach swoop.
“Do you have anyone special in your life?”
Joel stiffly shook his head. “Can’t say I do.”
“Anyone not special?” she nudged him, suggestively wiggling her brows.
Again – a shake of his head. “I don’t really date.”
“What a shame.” Her voice was almost husky, breathy. She leaned forward slightly. “I’m sure all the single mom’s at Sarah’s school are devastated.”
Joel batted his hand in the air with an ugly snort.
“What? I’m serious,” she said without twitching. Her eyes momentarily flickered towards his lips, and suddenly, his throat felt like the mostly burnt bagel he had for breakfast. “I bet you have all of them wrapped around your finger.”
“You’re just - you’re just saying that.”
“Am I?” Her voice was silky, even silkier than her shirt. There was a cool confidence radiating from her as her fingernails galloped in a slow rhythm along the arm rest.
She was staring at him, pinning him against his seat. The hair on his thighs lifted and tickled the denim. The energy in the room had shifted, the air between them had bent and blurred into something that Joel could not quite describe. But he could feel it, sense it when it surged and rippled between them and sent an electric shiver up his spine.
She licked her lips and rolled them together until they were shiny with her spit. His heart pounded against his chest like an animal trapped and he wanted to pounce over the desk and taste her spit. He nearly did until he felt a stirring in his jeans.
What the hell was going on? What was he thinking? He needed to get his head screwed back on straight before he did something incredibly stupid.
Joel shot from his chair like a firework. Abrupt and loud and white-hot. He turned away and towards the filing cabinets on the back wall. He didn’t have a plan, but there had to be something in there that he could pretend to need.
She was quicker than his flustered brain and rose to her feet before he could make it past the edge of his desk.
“Joel.”
It stopped him, his feet stuck to the floor like wet cement. She approached him like a frightened deer. Steady. So quiet. Her steps barely scratched against the cheap carpet.
Joel realized now, right now was the time to speak. To say something. Anything. Find an excuse. Stop standing here like a dumb-struck baboon. But there was only one word that managed to leave his lips, a breath -
“Teddy.”
“It’s okay,” she whispered into the shrinking space between them. “I know.”
I know? He had no clue what that was supposed to mean, but before he could ask – she cradled the back of his neck and pressed her lips against his. Joel’s eyes widened and all he could see was the soft planes of her face, her fluttering eyelids, the fan of her raven-stroke lashes.
She was kissing him. Holy shit. She was actually kissing him. When he finally registered that, he closed his eyes and was overcome by the taste of her spit and a hint of Burt’s Bees chapstick, which he found oddly arousing.
For a moment, he was too damn stunned to do anything but move his mouth along hers. Then, he realized his arms were hanging like spaghetti noodles at his side and reached out and clutched onto her waist. His thumbs delicately swirled the fabric of her shirt. So damn smooth, just as he expected.
Joel gulped when she drew back, just far enough to meet his eyes. He had no idea what the fuck this was – let along if it was anything at all. Perhaps, this was it. Just a stolen kiss, late one night in his office.
Joel braced himself for her to yank away, to tell him it was a mistake, that she didn’t know what she was thinking. Let’s forget the whole thing.
But she didn’t.
She just continued to toy with the curly ends of his hair, twirling them around her fingers as her other hand fisted the loose collar of his shirt. He was wedged between her warm-heaving body and his desk. The edge was slightly burrowing into his lower back, but currently he couldn’t care less.
Her gaze dipped to where his jeans were painfully tented. A hot burst of shame ignited behind his earlobes. The flex of his fingers bit into the hollow below her ribs.
“It’s - it’s been a while,” he found himself explaining because there was no good reason, at his age, to be this turned on from just kissing.
“Do you want me to stop?” She slid up against him, sealing herself against his chest. It appeared she knew the answer before he could dumbly shake his head.
This time – his lips met hers somewhere in the middle. Where the first kiss was gentle, testing the waters like the first sip of fresh coffee, this one was deeper. More intense – a whole gulp. Her urgent lips captured his starstruck mouth and right then he knew nothing, no one, would ever compare to this. Not even close.
The way she kissed was like some special art form that only she could master. It felt so damn good to have her fingers molding through his hair with baby scratches over his scalp and the scent of her soap flooding his chest with heat. It consumed him, his body, his mind. The rapid pulse in his ears muted his every coherent thought.
When she gently nibbled on his bottom lip, he moaned – Teddy. She licked her name from his lips, then eagerly tasted it on his tongue as if she couldn’t get enough.
And oh God – her tongue was equally as impressive as her other skills. The tip of it dragged over his top palate, making it tingle like a buzz off tequila. She stroked and swirled and twisted around his tongue as if knotting a cherry stem. No one had ever taken the time to explore him so thoroughly. Frankly, he didn’t know there was that much of his mouth to explore.
Despite her exploration, Joel’s hands were burning into her waist, still holding her at 10 and 2 like a student driver. Like this was a chaperoned middle school dance. Slowly he roamed them down to grip her hips, but no further. He didn’t want to push it. He didn’t want to scare her. He didn’t want to spoil this moment from something stupid like getting too greedy.
Joel was fully okay with her in the driver seat. Even though he was usually in charge, he was happily letting her lead. Well, actually, he didn’t know if he was really letting her or if she just was. He didn’t care either way when she was touching him.
She broke the kiss and her lips swerved to his cheek. His jaw, paying extra attention to the patch in his beard where no hair could grow. His head tipped back when she buried her nose into the crook of his neck and deeply inhaled. After a hard-days work he likely smelled of sweat instead of his soap, but she groaned anyway.
“Have you ever thought about this before?” She breathed against his neck.
“I mean, I-” He choked on his words as her tongue slicked over the thick vein beneath his jaw. “I - I tried not to.”
“But you did.” He could feel her lips split into a grin before she sucked on a spot below his ear. He hoped it would leave a mark. The idea of seeing it tomorrow in the mirror made his cock twitch and throb and it ached.
“Uh-huh,” he whimpered, rather pathetically. It actually sounded like it fucking hurt.
“You know what?” She playfully nipped at the spot that would soon sadly fade. She then met his gaze with a coy grin. I thought about you too.”
“You did?” he croaked.
She hummed in response, her fingers trailing down his chest. His stomach quivered, his breath catching before she stopped just above the band of his jeans and whispered, “But unlike you - I didn’t try to stop.”
Joel growled, unable to form a coherent thought. His brain was too preoccupied trying to process how any of this was happening. It had to be a dream or an optical illusion or some shit. No way it could be real. But her small hand cupped his cock and that certainly felt real.
“Fuck - you feel even bigger than I imagined.” She palmed at his bulge with a light pressure. His knees nearly buckled despite the thick, denim barrier.
Now, he was really wishing he jerked off last night – or anytime in the past week or so. God – he was pent up. It wouldn’t take much for him to break.
“Can I see it?”
Joel’s mouth went half-slack and she blinked at him without flinching.
“Yeah,” he managed to squeak out. Not great, but at least coherent.
She sank to her knees, her eyes never leaving his. Pretty. Pretty. So damn pretty. Those two undone buttons exposed the tops of her breasts, the peek of a plain white bra that he found sexier than he should’ve.
His restless hands found solid ground on the desk behind him. Just in time as she balled the hem of his shirt in her tiny fists and bunched it towards his waist. The office air blew cool over his newly bare skin.
Joel wondered how he compared to the type of guy she usually dated. Did she like meatheads with six packs? Or guys with scrawny arms? Or did she like them somewhere in the middle; someone more like him? His body used to be more solid in his 20’s, but softened with age. He was still strong though, still firm in most spots aside from his stomach.
He caught himself sucking in as her wild eyes wandered over his husk-tan skin and across the dark scatter of hair around his navel. Then, she devoured it, mapping every inch with her wet, hot mouth.
It was a miracle that he managed to stay upright under her attention. Any attention was new. He was not used to any teasing or foreplay or whatever delicious torture this was called.
No.
Joel was used to his own calloused hands. Quick, rough fucks with women who called him Joe or Jack or something else entirely because why did it matter if it meant nothing.
But did this mean anything? To him, yes. To her – he had no clue. Dear God – he hoped so, though.
With a smirk she unzipped his jeans and shoved them down by his knees. The wet spot on his boxers was impossible to miss. Of course, he’d worn light gray today instead of something discreet like black.
“It’s been awhile,” he sheepishly reminded her. He didn’t want her to think he was always this big of a mess. Because he wasn’t. Seriously, he really wasn’t.
“It’s alright, just relax.” She leaned forward and mouthed at the stain.
But it was impossible to relax when her nose nudged the underside of his cock, her mouth was so close to the tip that every muscle in his body tightened. He gritted his teeth, his nostrils flaring with the remnants of his dwindling self-control.
She must’ve realized she was ruining him because she pulled back with a wicked grin. She hooked her fingers into the elastic waistband and tugged. His freed cock nearly smacked her in the face. The flush red tip was weeping.
“Shit, you’re thick,” she gasped. Women had told him that before, but he much preferred hearing it from her. The sweet honesty in her voice, the clear surprise. It stroked his ego and filled him with a strange sense of pride as if he’d actually accomplished anything profound, and not just good genetics.
She licked and spit into her palm before stroking his cock with a loose fist from root to tip. Her thumb swiped over the blunt head, smearing his pre-come and making his hips jerk and involuntary spasm.
Joel opened his mouth to apologize, but was quickly silenced by her tongue: warm, wet, the slightly rough texture tracing over the thick vein that ran down his length.
He gripped the desk until his knuckles bleached. She placed her free hand on his hip as if to help steady him before guiding him between her perfect, plush lips. Just the tip, at first. But it still was nearly enough to finish him. He didn’t remember the last time someone put their mouth on him.
Joel desperately wished to witness this moment. He wanted to memorize the glossy gleam in her eyes, the way she looked in front of him and on her knees and how her mouth stretched perfectly around his cock. But it was too much. The weight between his thighs was becoming oppressive. If he watched, he’d shatter. And he’d be horrified if he finished that fast.
So, he focused on the ceiling tiles instead. On the black specks that formed different shapes as she took another inch of him into her feverish mouth.
Already, she had him panting like a dog. Unable to fully catch his breath even when she released his cock with a loud pop. She continued to pleasure him with long strokes of her fist. Her tongue dipped into his leaking slit, lighting up nerve endings that he didn’t know existed. It ripped an ungodly sound from his mouth.
“Oh, you liked that?” she asked, very smug. Then repeated the movement once, twice, before eagerly swallowing his cock again.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” His hand flew to her shoulder and squeezed as she took him deeper – deeper. Holy shit. Where did she learn to do this? This was like pornstar level good.
She had taken him halfway down her throat when he felt a shock run across his spine, a familiar tugging in his balls. His release was building and brewing in his lower belly like a thunderstorm.
But Joel clenched his teeth. No – he could not come. Not yet. He needed to get himself under control before he finished in less than five minutes.
He shut his eyes, but not even the rumble of his eardrums could drown out the loud, lewd squelch of her mouth. It was fucking filthy. The swirl of her expert tongue around his shaft had him unraveling fast like a loose spool of thread.
“Teddy,” he moaned her name as he got close – too damn close.
He tried to tell her to slow down, but the words stuck in his throat. Nothing came out except grunts. Just short groans. Her lips kissed the cusp of her fist, completely engulfing him in her honey-slobber and the softness of her hand.
His hips instinctively bucked, the head of his cock bumping the back of her throat and she gagged. The walls of her inner mouth shuddered and pulsed around him and –
“Shit.” His eyes flew open but before he could warn her – she hollowed her cheeks and sucked.
He groaned her name, low and unrestrained, as the pleasure electrified his spine. It arced down his thighs before he could push her off. For a moment, he lost himself in the high, in the tide of her mouth. His cock twitched and throbbed on her tongue as he came.
Hard.
As if he hadn’t come in months – years.
In a daze, he blinked down at her and saw his cum dripping down her chin, leaking from the corners of her mouth as she continued to twist her fist and suck down the aftershocks. It would’ve been easily the most erotic sight, if it didn’t suddenly hit him how fast he came.
The light-headed euphoria quickly morphed into vertigo. He was horrified, mortified, staring down at her.
He didn’t know what to say, and for once, it seemed like neither did she. She released his cock from her mouth, but otherwise didn’t move. Not even to wipe the come off her face.
She swallowed, and opened her mouth. But a familiar ding tore through the thick, sticky air. The bell above the front door.
“Joel? Teddy?”
No way. It was motherfucking Tommy.
—-
The idiot had forgotten his house keys in Joel’s truck. In the cupholder, nonetheless.
Joel had somehow managed to button his jeans, and hand her a tissue before Tommy busted into his office. She’d pretend to blow her nose to clean the come off her face, riddling him with another level of shame. So embarrassed that he could barely look at her without feeling like he swallowed a handful of nails.
He threw Tommy the car keys to get rid of him, but found out that Aaron had left. Tommy had told him that Joel could just drive him home without even asking. And usually it wouldn’t be a big deal.
But Tommy was so goddamn clueless. He just swung around the door frame, blabbering about how the girlfriend showed up and there was a big blow up in the parking lot and Joel was just waiting for him to notice the smell of sex and sweat or even the cloying embarrassment. Or Teddy’s swollen and suck-plump lips and surely Joel looked like a flushed-beet wreck.
So how did Tommy seem to remain completely oblivious?
When Sarah called a few minutes later, Joel left. Well, first he made sure everything was locked up and she was safely in her car, but otherwise fled like a coward.
The shop had officially disappeared from his rear view mirror and now Joel couldn’t remember if he even told her goodbye. She just gave him the best blow job of his life, and he couldn’t even wave?
“Are you gonna get Sarah or drop me off first?” Tommy asked and Joel snapped at him like a venus fly trap.
“Doesn’t really make sense to go out of my way just to drop you off first, now does it?”
Tommy threw up his hands. “Well, fuck. How am I supposed to know where Sarah’s friend lives?” He hurled himself against the passenger seat and mumbled under his breath, “Asshole.”
Joel winced. He was kinda being an asshole, taking out his anger on Tommy. He wasn’t even mad at Tommy. Annoyed, yes, but not mad. The only person Joel was mad at here was himself.
He was mad at himself for cumming too fast, and even more so for running away afterwards like a scared hound with his soft, spent cock tucked between his legs. Recalling the complete shit show, Joel’s grip coiled around the steering wheel until the leather squealed in protest. He could still feel the ring of her spit drying around him.
Joel sighed and stared out the windshield at the night sky, the truck bouncing along the uneven back road full of potholes. Why did it feel like he just fucked everything up?
“Hey, are you alright?” Tommy’s voice was lower, quiet – concerned.
Joel scratched at his jaw, at the bald patch she’d kissed, before nodding his head.
“Yeah, sorry - I’m just tired.” He’d rather die and be reincarnated into a gnat than tell Tommy about how he just prematurely ejaculated. He’d had enough embarrassment for one night.
“Did I-” Tommy paused and for a moment it seemed like he decided to keep his mouth shut. Until he sighed. “I don’t know, but did I interrupt something between you and Teddy?”
A little too late to start being observant, Tommy.
Joel approached a red light, the truck crawling to a complete stop.
“Come on. What would be going on between us that you could interrupt?” Joel looked over at Tommy and his brows were furrowed. In the pool of orange light from the street lamps that speckled the cab, Joel saw the realization flash across Tommy’s face. The moment everything clicked into place.
Joel abruptly turned away, not in the mood for pity. After what felt like forever, the light finally turned green.
“Joel, I didn’t realize that you-”
“Don’t.” His voice was quiet, stern without being rude. “Just don’t.”
For once, Tommy didn’t demand to have the last word. Instead, he slowly and silently fell back into the seat as if to fade into the shadows. She still had a boyfriend as far as Tommy knew, and Joel would not be informing him otherwise. This way was easier.
The rest of the drive was filled with Willie Nelson’s album Always on My Mind, the rumble of the engine, and the buzzing of Joel’s thoughts.
How was he supposed to face her tomorrow?
—-
On Friday morning, Joel drove to the shop with a terrible pit in his stomach. His eyes felt gritty, and there was a dark shadow of gray underneath from a restless night sleep. He ate a bland piece of toast for breakfast, and even that made him feel sick. When he turned onto the street, he thought it might reappear all over the windshield.
But Teddy was not there. Just a pink post-it note on the full, freshly brewed coffee pot.
Fox Ridge pitch - Wish me luck.
He’d forgotten that it was this early. Joel supposed he’d have to get here on time this evening to see her.
Joel spent the day trying not to go insane. Despite the pounding of his hammer, memories of last night beat against his skull. Anytime he touched his lips, or the spot behind his ear, he could practically feel the ghost of her kisses. They had been desperate, heated. Hadn’t they? It had seemed she’d wanted him, just as much as he’d always wanted her. She’d even admitted to imagining him in some sexual way.
But what about now?
He didn’t have a clue.
Eight hours later, and halfway from a complete tailspin, the truck decided not to start. The engine clicked and clicked and clicked, but never went. Even though he begged for it to start. The concrete guys had tried to jump it with no success. It’d taken everything in him not to sock Tommy in the jaw when he gave him that told-you-so look while calling a tow truck.
The concrete guys were still on their best behavior and gave them a ride to the mechanic shop. It was run by one of Tommy’s highschool friends, Zach, who was nice enough to stick around past 5 on a Friday night.
5:25 and this was a fucking nightmare. He couldn’t imagine a worse day for the truck to die. As if he hadn’t fucked up enough last night when he bolted, the last thing Joel wanted as her thinking that he was avoiding her. The least he could do was extend the same courtesy she had this morning.
So midway through Tommy and Zach examining what was under the hood, he broke away to call her.
Joel slapped his cellphone against the flat of his palm as he headed outside the entrance. With a deep breath he dialed the shop’s number. The ring-ring-ring in his ears made his chest feel like it was about to explode.
“Teddy’s Company, how can I help you?”
“Hey Teddy.” He cleared his throat. “Hey, it’s Joel,” he said, very awkwardly.
“Hey! Hi. What’s up?”
Joel kicked at the loose rocks by his feet. “Well, the truck - uh the truck’s acting up. We had to get a tow, and Tommy and I are - the mechanic’s checking it over right now.”
“Oh shit.”
“Yeah, so I just wanted you to know - I don’t know when we’ll get back to the shop.” Joel lightly hit the center of his head with the circle of his clenched fist. He sounded like an idiot.
“No - yeah. That makes sense.” Silence crackled on the other line and it was unbearable.
Joel scratched his temple, unsure what to say next. He wanted to talk about last night, just to get it over with, but it wasn’t the right time. That was not a conversation to have over the phone. Not like at work was much better, but still.
“Well,” Teddy broke the silence. There was a rustling of something on the other line – papers? Her bag? “Do you need-”
There was a massive boom behind him – Tommy pounded on the glass door and motioned him inside.
“What was that?” she asked and Joel mouthed at Tommy to give him a second.
“Sorry, it’s Tommy. I think the mechanic’s done with the inspection.”
“Okay - well, I was just gonna ask if you guys-”
Tommy banged again – harder. It was Friday, so he probably had a date with his favorite dive bar. Joel glared at him and flipped him off.
“It sounds like you need to go,” she said.
“Sorry.” Joel rubbed the back of his neck and he was gonna kill Tommy. “But uh - have a nice weekend, alright?”
“Yeah, yeah, you too, Joel.”
Once Joel found out the battery just needed to be replaced, Tommy’s pissy mood made a lot more sense. It would be a decently fast and easy fix – at most an hour.
Joel plopped down in a chair in the lobby and mindlessly flipped through a car magazine. He didn’t even register the pictures that swished by, too busy reeling from that awkward phone call.
Had he really told her to have a nice weekend? He wanted to melt into the cracks and scuffs in the black-and-white tiles. Real smooth, Joel. He sucked at this shit.
What was going to happen next?
He couldn’t tell where her head was at from the phone call that somehow didn’t even last as long as him last night. God – she probably thought he had some type of erectile dysfunction and he couldn’t even blame her. There was no excuse for a man at his age to cum that fast from a blow job, nonetheless. He was not a fucking teenager.
The longer he sat there in the empty lobby with the melancholy of Johnny Cash’s voice, the more he began to doubt. It spread and swelled in his lower abdomen like a virus. Syphilis. If it festered for too long, he felt like it might turn him insane.
He didn’t know how he would survive the weekend like this.
—
Saturday was usually his day for relaxing. All his responsibilities could wait until Sunday, but he couldn’t sit still.
Up early, he and Sarah went to the Farmer’s Market and ran errands until lunch time. He deep cleaned the house in the afternoon. The entire main floor was vacuumed and swept, the kitchen counters looked brand new, and even his bed was freshly made with dryer warm sheets. He was determined to keep busy instead of wallowing in his looming conversation with Teddy.
It might’ve worked if Sarah didn’t innocently keep bringing her up. With homecoming tonight, she was apparently in the mood to reminisce, especially after she’d gotten all dolled up.
They were halfway to her friend Ashley’s house and the drive had been filled with Teddy. Their mall trip – the dress – the tiny details Teddy helped pick out.
“I brought my polaroid camera.” Sarah pointed at her overnight bag in the backseat of his truck. “So, you can take a photo of me and show Teddy on Monday.”
“Oh, yeah. She’ll like that.” Joel forced a smile as the hand of his knee flexed, biting into denim.
He couldn’t help but feel a stab of guilt every time Sarah mentioned her. Teddy would never cut Sarah out, he knew that, but things were bound to be different now. It couldn’t go back to what it used to be, not after she’d seen his cock and swallowed his come. The relationship would inevitably change between them.
He just hoped their friendship could be somewhat salvaged. For Sarah’s sake, especially.
Joel was able to push that out of his mind when they arrived at Ashley’s house. The Murphy’s had been nice enough to invite the entire group, including parents, to come over and take photos. He couldn’t imagine fitting 14 teenagers and their moms in his puny backyard where he could barely fit a playset. Luckily, the Murphy’s lived on a big, well-landscaped lot that backed up against a man-made lake, and not directly into a neighbor’s house.
The few other dad’s who showed up were all huddled together under the covered patio with their eyes transfixed on the TV screen. The Longhorns were taking on the Wildcats. Still in the first quarter, so it wasn’t even a good game yet.
Instead of cracking open a beer, Joel joined the mom’s by the rose bushes.
“Oh my God, Joel. Sarah looks beautiful.”
“She’s gorgeous.”
“Stunning.”
They all complimented Joel as if his genes actually put up a fight. Sarah was Lisa’s exact twin. Even more so when her gorgeous thick curls were pulled back into a loose bun with a few loose strands framing her face. The mom’s were right though – Sarah did look beautiful. But then again, she always did; with or without all the glitter and make-up.
Sarah’s date was a scrawny, soccer player with red hair who was her best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend. Eric. Joel could hardly believe his daughter was at an age to even have a date, even if it was just a set up. It made him feel incredibly old when the kid called him sir.
Based on first impressions, Eric seemed nice enough. The kid took a few photos of Joel and Sarah together in front of the Mexican bush sage. The purple flowers were almost an exact match to Sarah’s dress. Joel had hoped that somebody would offer when he’d changed out of his dusty clothes earlier and into a different, slightly nicer white t-shirt and a pair of his best dark wash jeans.
Still, while Joel wouldn’t threaten the kid with a fist or scare the shit out of him with a war story like Tommy would, Joel did give Eric the look – Don’t try anything, bud. When Joel shook his hand, it felt like wet paint.
Good.
Joel thanked the minivan moms for driving, Ashley’s mom for hosting the sleepover afterwards, while snapping enough pictures to fill up two of Sarah’s bulletin boards.
“You look beautiful, baby girl,” he told Sarah one more time before hugging her goodbye.
She promised to be good and handed him the developed Polaroid, specifically for Teddy. He stashed it safely away in the middle console of his truck then drove away.
At home, an empty living room quietly greeted him. Not yet 6 P.M. – the sun continued to shine and slice through the curtains onto the beige carpet. Joel had no idea what to do with the rest of his evening. Football, he supposed. Maybe rent a movie – Ocean’s Eleven or Training Day, something Sarah had no interest in ever seeing.
He whipped up a ham and cheese sandwich and cracked open a beer. Rather than eating alone at the dining room table, he set up on the couch and ate in the company of Longhorn football.
It didn’t take long, not even halfway finished with his sandwich, before a Folgers commercial came on and he thought about Teddy. She never even used Folgers, but just coffee in general made him think of her. At this point, it was actually pathetic how everything reminded him of her.
For a few minutes, Joel debated on calling her and figuring this shit out already. This limbo was killing him. He even pulled out his phone from his back pocket, found her name in his contact list and let it taunt him, his thumb hovering over the call button for longer than he’d like to admit.
But what would he say if she answered?
It had been two days and he still had no clue. He was still trying to figure out how to navigate this whole situation. He wanted to handle it with care but it felt like holding a dandelion puff in his rough calloused hands. Inevitably, it would break and fall apart with something as simple as a gust of wind. Joel carelessly tossed his phone on the coffee table and groaned.
At halftime, he went and cleaned off his empty plate in the sink. Using his hands always helped distract him. Maybe he needed a hobby. He could always play his guitar, finally learn Never Going Back Again. He’d always wanted to try out woodworking since it used to be his dad’s favorite pastime.
Joel was drying off the dish when the doorbell rang.
“Hold on,” he yelled, wiping off his hands with the rag. He didn’t know who that could be, but he’d bet everything in his wallet right now it was Tommy. He knew Sarah would be gone all night, and probably wanted to drag Joel to some bar across town for a wild night out.
Joel was coming around to the idea of spending his night in a smoky, loud bar instead of cooped up in his house when he opened the door. It was definitely not his brother, not even close.
“Teddy.”
She was on his front porch in a pale blue sundress that instantly made his mouth water. The buttery light from the budding sunset sky behind her framed her silhouette.
“Sorry to just stop by.” She smoothed down her dress and tugged at the hem. “But can I come in?”
—-
She didn’t say why she was here when he let her inside, but he supposed she didn’t have to.
It was actually Joel who broke the silence. “Do you want anything to drink?” he asked. His mom would lurch from her grave if he didn’t act like a good host.
“Water,” she said with a small smile. “Tap’s fine.”
It was a good thing she didn’t follow him into the kitchen. His hands were shaking so bad that he nearly dropped the glass on the tile floor.
When he came back into the living room, she was sitting on the couch. He handed her the glass, his fingertips brushing over hers. She politely thanked him before taking a tentative sip. The cushion whined under his weight when he sat. These were the exact same spots from the night she was here with Sarah. This time, however, the empty cushion felt less like a safety net and more like a boulder about to crush him.
He turned off the TV, the newfound silence giving further evidence of what happened the other night.
She clinked the glass onto the coffee table, then clasped her hands stiffly in her lap. On the very edge of her seat, she looked ready to bolt at any moment. “I knew Sarah would be at the dance or, at least dinner.”
“Yeah, dinner. I think the dance starts around 8,” he said and she nodded. He wished he would’ve remembered to bring the Polaroid inside. Maybe it would’ve helped ease the tension.
But no – he needed to quit procrastinating and apologize for how he reacted the other night.
Buck up – do it.
For a moment, Joel searched for what to say, scratching the skin around his neck where it felt thickest.
“Joel,” Teddy said before he could speak. She shifted in her seat and when she opened her mouth, he braced himself for her to call it nothing but a mistake. “I wanted to come by and apologize about the other night.”
His brows furrowed.
“Apologize?”
“Yes, Joel,” she answered, very sternly. He noticed a pained look in her eyes before she stared down at her stark white tennis shoes.
“What? I - what?” He sounded like a bumbling drunk and for once, he wished the right words would just come naturally to him.
She sighed.
“After our phone call yesterday,” she started, only stopping for a split-second to clasp her gold necklace between her fingers. “I feel like I might’ve pushed things too far the other night. I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable-”
“Uncomfortable? No. Shit.” Joel insistently shook his head. He would personally damn himself to hell if he sat here any longer and let her take any blame for this. Exhaling, he scruffed a hand over his jaw. “Look, I’ll admit - I panicked, but that ain’t on you.”
“How is it not?”
“Cause you did nothing wrong. Fuck. I’m the one who should be apologizing, alright? I acted like a goddamn idiot, Teddy. It’s just-” Joel let out a self-deprecating laugh, bashfully tucking his chin towards his chest. “I don’t usually, ya know - that fast. Just got embarrassed, that's all.”
He absently rubbed at a patch of distressed leather on the arm of the couch.
“Well, I never wanted to make you feel embarrassed.” She scooted closer – closer. Slowly. For what felt like the first time since the night in his office, Joel properly met her eyes. “All I wanted was to make you feel good, Joel.” Her voice was husky, almost seductive. She smirked and his heart banged inside his chest like a caged feral cat.
“You did make me feel good,” he admitted, rather shyly. “Just wish I could’ve made you feel good, too.”
“Who says you can’t?” Her eyes darted across his face, to his lips, to the rise and fall of his chest. She gripped his shoulders for balance before swinging her legs over him. Her knee lightly bumped into the arm of the couch and his hands instantly went to her hips, helping to steady her on his lap.
Joel stared up at her dumbly for a moment before shaking his head in disbelief. His thumbs toyed with the hem of her dress, bunching it up further until he could brush over the bare flesh of her thighs. Goddamn, she was so soft. So pretty.
“What do you want, Joel?”
Everything. “Whatever you’ll give me.”
“No, Joel. What do you want?”
The last two days – hell, the last two years bulldozed into him. Every feeling and thought he’d suppressed and ignored crashing into him like a wrecking ball. He’d spent so long convincing himself this would never happen, but now – everything he ever wanted and never thought he would have was right here. Right in his lap.
And something inside him suddenly snapped.
“You gotta know by now, Teddy. You gotta know.” The words spilled out of his mouth and he hated how it sounded. It didn’t make any sense. Joel shook his head and ran his hands down her thighs to lightly squeeze at the spot above her knees for stability. “Fuck, I ain’t any good at this shit,” he said, in a rare moment of vulnerability.
She cupped his face so delicately like he was made of porcelain. With a small nudge, he met her gaze.
“This is gonna sound very middle school, but do you like me, Joel?” she asked and he snorted.
It did sound juvenile, but he instinctively tugged her closer and nodded his head.
“Good. Cause I like you and I want you, Joel. Only you,” she said. “So what do you say? Wanna give this a shot?”
“You fucking know I do.” His hand slid behind her neck, his thumb traced over the perfect curve of her hair line. “Now, come here.”
When his lips met hers – it was desperate and sweet like cream soda. His mouth crashed against hers with every bottled up dream and fantasy of her mouth, her lips, her tongue. It surged hot and bright through him.
His hand was a firm weight on the small of her back as he pulled her in as close as humanly possible, until only denim and a dainty sundress could separate him from her.
She clutched onto his shirt collar before gently rocking her hips against his growing bulge. He tensed his thigh, catching on her panties. She whimpered, already so sensitive, and he couldn’t wait to learn all the sounds she made.
He couldn’t fuck her on the couch, though. Not properly, at least. Definitely not like he wanted to or how she deserved. Still, he let himself enjoy this for a few minutes. Dry humping like teenagers in her parent’s basement before breaking the kiss with a soft peck to her top lip.
“Would you wanna go upstairs?” He dragged the back of his hand over her thigh, his knuckles hiking up her dress to reveal a little more skin.
“Oooh. Am I finally gonna see Joel Miller’s room?” She gave the tip of his nose a quick kiss before crawling off of him.
She held his hands the entire way upstairs until he led her into his room. “Told you, you weren’t missing much.”
“I don’t know about that.” She glanced at the navy blue walls, at the painting of a grazing deer in what appeared to be somewhere in Montana. It hung above his golden oak headboard. She pointed at the basic beige comforter, three pillows lined up against the frame. “I’m gonna be honest, though, I didn’t take you for the type to make your bed.”
“I did a little cleaning today.” Joel shrugged as she kicked off her shoes by his laundry basket.
“Well, isn’t that convenient?”
Joel managed to only kiss her twice before getting on the bed. He scooted into the middle, using two pillows to prop and cushion his aging lower back. Again, she eagerly climbed over him. She yanked her dress over her head, leaving her in only a lacy black bra with a pair of matching panties that cut high on her hips. The tiny, pink flower on the waistband was just the cherry on top.
She must’ve noticed the look on his face because she giggled as if she was completely innocent. “Do you like it? I wore it for you.”
“Fuck me,” he murmured. “Look at you, you’re gonna fucking kill me.” His hands roamed from her ribs up to paw at her bra and he squeezed just hard enough to watch them pour out over the top. He growled from deep in his chest before shoving his face in between her breasts. He traced the lacy material with his tongue before kissing along his slick trail. “Can I take it off?”
Smirking, she reached behind her and unclipped it for him. The bra joined her dress on the carpet in seconds. He licked his lips and admired her bare skin – the curves of her body in the coppery-golden glow from the sunset spilling in from the window. When he cupped her breasts, he swore they were made for his hands. His thumbs slid across her sensitive peaks, feather-light, but her breath still hitched – her head tip back and even the column of her neck was gorgeous.
He replaced one of his thumbs with his tongue, flicking the tip of it over her nub again and again. Kitten licks that made her clutch the back of his head. The way her fingers rooted into his hair was almost possessive and she held him flush against her chest as he sucked her nipple into his needy mouth.
Her breathing grew ragged and she tried to find friction. She rutted against him, but his hands captured her hips, holding her still before she could graze his cock. Too much dry humping and he’d be actually come in his pants like a teenager.
“Be patient, sweetheart,” he murmured and she whined. He didn’t allow her another chance to complain before his mouth switched to her other breast and adored it with equal attention. It’d been ages since he took his time like this and he lost himself in the feeling of her soft, scented skin on his face.
“Joel,” she moaned. It was desperate and raw and hands down the most erotic sound he’d ever heard in his life. It snapped him from his reverie and he grazed his teeth once more over her spit-swollen bud.
“I know.” He petted her hips before cupping her sex. The lace was soaked and sticky around her cunt.
Her hips bucked into the flat edge of his palm and for a moment, he watched her shamelessly ride his hand. Her brows furrowed – her fingers clutching his shirt for support. He was suddenly aware that he was completely dressed, and he found it strangely erotic. A part of him enjoyed it, maybe a little too much.
“Let me take care of you.” He patted her on the hip before ordering her to lay back. She didn’t need to be told twice.
Joel moved, so she could take his spot in the center of the bed. He tore off his t-shirt and threw it with her clothes. She watched him with glossy, moon eyes as he crawled between her spread open thighs. He captured her lips in a tender kiss before swerving to the swell of her cheek and down the slope of her neck. Gently, he nipped at her collarbone and she wiggled impatiently.
But he still went slow when dragging the tip of his nose from her breasts and along her stomach where he placed a soft kiss above her belly button.
When he settled back on his knees, he saw her chest rising and falling. Her bottom lip was stuck between her teeth and she was fisting the comforter. It was hard to believe she was really here, even as his fingers stroked her thigh. She was actually in his bed in nothing but soaked black panties.
Joel laid down on his stomach, spreading her thighs even wider to make room for his broad shoulders. Face-to-face with her lace covered cunt, he could smell the sweet, primal musk.
He sucked in a breath, suddenly feeling nervous. He enjoyed going down on women, but it had been awhile since he did anything more than just enough to get someone wet enough to take him. And he really wanted this to be good.
It felt like it had to be good, after his last fuck up.
“Joel? Are you okay?” She brushed back a tuft of hair that had fallen flat on his face.
He shut his eyes but there was no hiding when his face was mere inches from her pussy. “It’s just been awhile.”
“Well, we don’t-”
“No. God - I want to.” Joel groaned and dejectedly dropped his head against her thigh. He kissed at a mark above her knee. Her skin felt so warm against the stubble of his cheek. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted this?”
A moan dripped from her lips as he mouthed his way to the dip where her thighs met her hips. His nose nudging along the elastic seam.
“I’m not usually like this, but fuck - I wanna make you feel good.” He sucked at the spot directly above that damn tiny pink rose and her hips lifted off the bed, almost chasing his mouth. “Want you to know I can take care of you.”
“You can - you can,” she practically chanted. “Just God. Please, Joel.”
“Okay, I got you. It’s okay,” he whispered before peeling off her panties. He lifted the flimsy to his nose and inhaled without thinking. She smelled so delicious, musky, like sea salt and jasmine. He lost himself in her womanly scent and stuffed the fabric into his mouth and oh God – the taste. Dully sweet, a citrusy-tang that tingled his tongue. He devoured it.
It wasn’t until her panties were licked clean that he came up for air. His eyes opened to find her staring at him. Her mouth gaping – pupils carbon-black.
With a shy smile, he tossed the panties, now soaked with his spit, behind him. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she panted. “Fuck, that was hot.”
He snorted.
“Well, you taste damn good, sweetheart,” he said, situating himself comfortably between her thighs. Now, there was nothing, not even skimpy lace separating them. She was completely hairless, which was actually a first for him. Joel didn’t have a personal preference, though he did like how easily he could see how turned on she was. Her entire sex was swollen and glossy and perfect. Licking his lips, he peered up at her. “I wanna make you feel good, so let me know if you don’t like something, alright?”
She quickly nodded, her chest hitching with anticipation. She wanted this. She did.
He kissed the top of her mound then experimentally licked her slit, keeping his tongue soft and flat. He deliberately stopped just before her clit, avoiding it. For now. He planned to build her up slowly, steady. Words had never come easy to him, so instead he’d show her what he could not articulate.
Despite his own painful desire, his focus remained solely on her as he lapped at her cunt: He teased and nibbled and sucked on her folds. Letting her little sounds and sighs guide him to find her most sensitive spots. He didn’t know what he’d been so worried about before. Eating pussy was just like riding a bike.
“More,” she pleaded, and how could he deny her after she’d been so patient?
Her back arched when the tip of his nose grazed her clit. He smirked against her cunt, the pit in his belly stoked by how worked up she was. It fueled his confidence and his tongue swiped over her clit. She wound her fingers through his hair and tugged.
Hard.
And Oh – that did something to him. His cock twitched, or at least, tried to. Pack so tightly against the seam of his jeans. Again – he swallowed the urge to hump the sheets for some relief, snubbing his own arousal for hers.
As he toyed with her clit, his fingertips skimmed over her slick, hot-heated sex. The thick bulb of his pointer finger caught on her entrance and she immediately clenched, as if trying to capture him. Greedy little thing.
Still, he peered up at her for permission that she happily granted. He started out with one finger and inched inside her until he could not physically go any further. He cursed under his breath. She was warm and soaked and so tight.
When finally he squeezed in a second finger, her knees slightly bowed. Even though she was wet enough for him to slip in without any resistance, he rocked into her slowly, mindful to let her adjust. He curled his fingers, trying a few different angles before finding that spongy spot.
Immediately, she jerked with a deep, filthy moan.
Got it.
His fingers worked just as relentlessly as his tongue that was circling and swirling and flicking her clit. So responsive. Her walls spasmed around him as he thrusted into her a little harder. A little faster.
“Oh my God.” Her voice was as shaky as her thighs. He could feel her starting to swell under his tongue.
Joel didn’t want to stop, but he needed to see her come apart. When he leaned back on his knees, her hand shot out. She latched onto his forearm with a death grip.
“Wait! Wait! Joel!” Her voice was high-pitched. Frantic. Her cunt clenched furiously around his fingers as if she could not bear to let them go. “I’m almost there. I swear, I’m close.”
She bore down, attempting to fuck his hand as if she needed to prove she was telling the truth. Like he could do nothing but sit here, and she could get herself off. Joel felt something ugly and bitter twinge in his chest. It made him wonder how often she was left high and dry and unsatisfied by the people she fucked.
Well, not anymore. Not with him.
Once his hand lightly pressed on her abdomen, she stopped. Her gaze found his. Her eyes glossy and wild and fucked out. It looked like the only thought in her head was how badly she needed to come.
“Don’t worry, I ain’t done with you, sweetheart,” he assured her as his hand on her stomach moved lower and lower. “Just wanna see you when I make you come for the first time.”
A filthy moan split her lips when he circled her clit with his thumb. The panic on her face was instantly replaced with relief. Pleasure. She looked gorgeous on the verge of an orgasm.
“Does this pretty little pussy feel good?”
“Yes - yes - don’t stop,” she cried out. “I’m so close.”
“I know, sweetheart. I can feel it.” And he could. “I got you.”
She moaned his name as she came undone underneath him. Her arousal was dripping down his knuckles and onto his sheets. He caught himself grinding into the air, desperately wishing it was his cock instead of his fingers making her come.
Her clit pulsed under the pad of his thumb like a beating heart. Insatiable, he sucked the taste of her off his fingers then wiped his mouth.
She drew him down into a sloppy, wet kiss. The painful bulge in his jeans catching on her bare flesh. By some miracle, though he didn’t burst right then and there.
She pawed at his bare shoulders. “I need you,” she murmured against his lips that were still buzzing with her wetness. “Please Joel, I want you.”
“Greedy,” he mumbled, grinning against her cheek. He gave her hip a playful pinch before jumping onto his feet.
Quickly, he shed his jeans along with his pre-come stained boxer briefs. His cock was heavy. The head swollen into a furious shade of red, closer to purple than pink.
The light outside was starting to fade into gauzy, gray dusk. So, Joel flipped on the bedside lamp before pulling out a fresh box of condoms from the nightstand. He tore through the plastic wrapping with his teeth, but slowed down when opening the tin-foil packet.
“How do you want me?” She asked as he securely rolled on the condom.
Up? Down? He didn’t care. “Surprise me.”
She shot him a mischievous smirk before flipping onto her stomach. Rising onto all fours. This woman. He had no idea what she would pick, but his first guess never would’ve been doggy.
He admired the dream-like curve of her spine and she invitingly wiggled her ass. Seemed she was trying to give him a heart attack. Did she know how sexy she was to him? She had to. She had to know what she did to him.
“Is this okay?” she asked, and Joel growled his approval. He climbed in behind her and palmed at the plump flesh of her ass.
She opened herself wider until he could see everything. “Shit, sweetheart,” he hissed, marveling at where her sex glistened with his spit and her orgasm.
Joel had to squeeze at the base of his cock before dragging the tip through her slick folds, all the way up to her puckered hole. Even that felt good. Almost too good. And he wasn’t even inside her, yet.
Once Joel was lined up with her entrance, he noticed how small her cunt looked next to him and didn’t even try to push in. He questioned whether or not he could fit. It was just a fact that he was thick. Even though she was soaked, this would be a tight squeeze.
Fuck. Now, he was really regretting only using two fingers instead of three.
“Joel” she whined, but he still didn’t move.
“I don’t wanna hurt you.”
“No, I can take it - I promise,” she whimpered. “Joel, please.” She tilted back against him, making it impossible to say no.
“Okay. Alright,” he said soothingly, calmly rubbing the arc of her hip. “I’ll go slow.”
And he did. For both his and her sake, he inched into the heat of her cunt. His gaze was welded to the painted deer above the headboard. Watching himself disappear inside her would’ve been too much. The feeling of her pulsing around him was already almost too much for him to handle. Without the condom, this would’ve been over before it could even begin.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck. You’re big,” she choked out, her walls fluttering around him. “I need - I need a second.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Yeah – he needed one too.
There was a long minute where the only sounds in the room were of his harsh breaths, her suppressed whimpers. Then, a slight creak of the bed.
He leaned forward, his chest lightly pressed against her back. His arms caged in around hers, palms flat on the bed to help support his own weight as he draped over her body.
“You feel so good.” His lips brushed over the top of her spine and she shivered. “I know it’s a lot. I want you to know it’s a lot for me too.”
“Oh, Joel,” she mewled as he buried his face into her neck. She smelled and tasted just like salted caramel.
“You’re perfect, sweetheart. So good.” He kissed behind her ear, along the back of her neck. “I’m gonna move now, alright?”
“Please.” The word dripped from her lips – the only answer he needed.
He stayed close to her, his breath puffing against her neck as he fucked into her. Nice and slow and tender, at first. She met his thrusts in perfect sync. Each one allowing him deeper and deeper inside her and he didn’t even know how that was possible. It was as if her pussy was molding to fit him, to take even more of him. It felt very intimate and overwhelming.
He thought if he was staring into her eyes that he might’ve cried. Sex had never felt like this before. Not with Lisa, not even when they accidentally made Sarah. If he was being honest, sex had always felt somewhat impersonal; stilted, distant, like a glory hole in a gas station, just minus the sketchy bathroom wall.
But here, right now with her – this felt sacred. He had no clue how he ever managed to live without this.
“Do you know how long I’ve wanted you?” Joel laid his damp forehead between her shoulder blades and picked up the pace.
“Joel.” She gasped. His name seemed to be the only word she could say. It was as if he had completely consumed her. Her mind. Her body. Her every neuron. He kissed each vertebrae within reach, claiming more of her.
More.
“So damn long,” he answered. “And so fucking bad. Prettiest thing I’ve ever seen and look at you now, sweetheart. Just taking it. So good, just like I knew you would.”
“Oh God, Joel.”
He felt her shake, her arms appeared ready to give out and collapse. He wouldn’t let that happen. So, he widened his stance, the comforter bunching up around his knees. Carefully, but without warning, he fully pulled out and she wailed like it physically hurt.
“I got you.” He shushed her, wrapping his arm around her waist and sealing her to his chest. “Come on, come here.” He guided her upright along with him and she groaned once the weight was off her arms.
She sank back down on his cock instantly, her ass flush against his thighs. He felt even closer to her, somehow, in this position. Her skin was on fire, the sweat making her back stick to him like gum. Her pussy was drenched and dripping down his balls.
He could feel her all over him. Everywhere. It amazed him how he managed to last this long.
Joel gripped her hip, his other hand went to cup her breast. When he gently rocked forward at the perfect angle, she clenched.
“Goddamn.” He squeezed her breast, continuing to hit that same spot. “How are you so tight?”
“It’s you, Joel.” She gasped. “No one - no one has ever been this deep.”
The dormant, possessive part of his brain lit up and he growled. Joel buried himself to the hilt, until he could not claim another inch. No one but him had ever touched her here.
Just him.
Just him.
Only him.
His.
She was soaking wet, white-hot, and he could feel himself throbbing inside her. Joel wanted to come so badly. The spicy-musk of her skin was swirling in his lower belly with a powerful, burning heat. On the brink of bursting.
“Fuck, I’m not gonna last much longer.” He pinched her nipple as his other hand went down to play with her clit. “I wanna make you come.”
Her only response came in a whine, a frantic nod.
Joel thrusted into her with long, deep strokes that made the bed shake. The headboard hit the wall in a dull, rhythmic thud that filled the room. Just like her trembling, needy moans, his own low groans, and the heady-salt scent of sex.
She threaded her fingers into his hair and haled his mouth toward hers. She kissed him, or more so, tried to. It was more of just lips devouring whatever was within reach: cheeks and chin and the curve of mouths. It wasn’t the best angle, but it didn’t matter.
In this moment, nothing else mattered to him but her.
Despite the tightness in his balls, Joel somehow held back his release. He gritted his teeth, burrowed his face into her neck, and quickly rubbed her clit. The high-pitched sound of his name lingered on her swollen lips as her walls squeezed around him like a fist.
It wasn’t until her cunt was spasming around him that he finally drove forward. He was buried so deep inside her that he practically snarled when he came.
He spilled into the condom, but pretended to be filling her up instead. He would watch his cum drool out of her, only to stuff it all back in with his fingers.
Joel clutched her against him as his hips gave a few final jerks. He would have liked to stay inside her until he went completely soft, but the condom was overflowing. Cum or her slick or more likely a mix of both was soaking into the hair between his thighs. He decided not to test the durability of this specific condom brand. The last time he did that, well – it was obvious how that turned out.
Holding the condom at the base, he slipped out of her and dropped onto his ass with a few pops and cracks. Damn, he really should stretch more.
His eyes fell to where her legs were spread and her sex was still gaping from him – for him. His mouth went dry. He wanted to lean over and quench his thirst, fill her with his tongu-
“What’re you lookin’ at there?” The sound of her lilted voice made his gaze abruptly snap to her face.
He must’ve been blushing because her lips split into a smug grin. Clearly, she knew what caught his attention. But even after two orgasms, she was still a little sassy. Still too damn perceptive for her own good, meanwhile he could barely form a coherent sentence.
She straddled his thighs, careful to avoid his semi-soft cock.
“It’s okay, you can look. I mean, it’s yours now, isn’t it?” Her soft, small voice cut through the post-sex fog in his brain. She was looking so vulnerable, so exposed, completely naked in his lap. Even he was more covered up than her, and all he had covering him was a flimsy, full condom that he had not yet found the energy to get up and throw away.
Isn’t it? Joel got the sense it was not a genuine question, but more of a reiteration – a confirmation. Are we on the same page?
Whatever she meant, he nodded his head.
“It is.” He cradled her cheek. “But only if it comes with the rest of you. I’m a greedy man, sweetheart. I want it all.”
She beamed at him.
“Well, that makes two of us,” she declared while brushing a sweaty tuft of his hair out of his face. “I want everything you come with, Joel. And when I say everything - I mean everything. The whole package.”
She might’ve not said Sarah’s name, but he knew that’s what she meant.
His lips parted, amazed by how easily the words came out of her mouth. That was the first time a woman had ever acknowledged that he came as a two-for-one deal without even a hint of cynicism in their tone. Obviously, Joel realized a kid was a lot to take on. Especially since Lisa wasn’t in the picture at all, but there were some women who made it sound like Sarah was baggage, which was insane. Sarah was the best part of him.
Speechless, Joel kissed her firmly on the mouth. It was warm and sweet and surging through his chest like an electric current. This is what it was supposed to be like. He could feel her lips break into a smile before he pulled away.
“Stay here. Let me get you cleaned up.”
She laid back on the bed without argument, and he disappeared into the bathroom. Joel stuffed the condom into the tin-foil wrapper, then buried it under wads of tissues and empty toilet paper rolls at the bottom of the trash can, just in case Sarah used his bathroom. He didn’t want her to see that.
After cleaning himself up, he returned with a warm, damp washcloth. She looked pleasantly surprised, a little shocked. Wordlessly, she parted her legs with enough space for him to fit.
“Such a gentleman,” she finally said after he gently wiped down her thighs.
“Maybe.” He moved over her tender, swollen folders with even more caution. “Or maybe I just wanted to get a closer look.”
He winked and she giggled.
“You had your face buried down there like twenty minutes ago - don’t think you can get much closer than that.”
True. Joel snorted and tossed the washcloth into his laundry hamper. He went over to his dresser and dug out an old, oversized t-shirt from the bottom of his drawer.
“Caught this at a Longhorns game from one of those t-shirt cannons,” he said when handing her the folded shirt with her panties on top.
“Ooooooh impressive.” She playfully wiggled her brows, just slightly taunting him. He didn’t expect anything less.
His boxers from earlier were still damp, so he put on a fresh pair.
“So, what time are you picking Sarah up?” she asked, seemingly waiting to bring up his kid until he wasn't butt-ass naked.
“Actually, she’s staying at her friend’s house tonight.”
“Well, that’s interesting.”
Joel hummed his response. He was grabbing a pair of sweatpants from the closet when suddenly the home phone on the nightstand lit up, ringing. Only solicitors called that phone, anymore – shit, his cellphone was downstairs.
He would’ve ignored it, but what if it was Sarah?
Joel raced to the phone with his pants still clutched in his hand. Once he saw the caller ID, he groaned.
“It’s Tommy.”
She nodded for him to answer, and so he did. Very reluctantly. “Hello?” Joel swore if Tommy was in jail again, he was going to let him rot there until next week.
“Hey there, Joel.” Definitely not jail – too happy. “What’s going on?”
“Uh,” Joel paused and looked at his bed where Teddy was laying in only his t-shirt and a pair of panties. What a beautiful sight. He couldn’t help but laugh to himself; Tommy wouldn’t believe him even if he told the truth. Joel tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder, so he could put on his pants. “Nothing.”
Teddy grinned at him like they were teenagers lying to their parents.
“Nothing? Huh?” Tommy snorted. “Then what’s Teddy’s car doing in your driveway?”
Oh no.
Joel nearly tripped over his pant leg on his way to the window. The street lights were on, but the sky was still a light enough blue where he could clearly see Tommy standing in the driveway, waving with a classic little brother grin on his face. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I was coming by to drag your ass out and wait - are you fucking shirtless?”
Joel cursed, backing away from the window like it burned him. The cover was blown and he hoped Teddy didn’t mind, but it wasn’t his fault that his brother came over uninvited. He looked at her and she was just smiling, appearing wildly amused.
She shrugged, then yelled. “Hi Tommy.”
Tommy howled in his ear, loud enough that he could hear it through the glass. She immediately burst out laughing, no longer having to hide. Joel shook his head, but he couldn’t even be annoyed or mad. Not right now.
“You dirty dog.”
Fucking Tommy.
#pedro pascal fanfiction#joel miller x f!reader#joel miler x reader#joel miller fanfiction#last of us fanfiction#joel the last of us#joel x reader#joel miller
228 notes
·
View notes
Text
THE 'ENLIGHTENED SCRIPT'
Warning: This will end up becoming a VERY LONG post. Also it turned out to be vaguely academically phrased — so warning for language too formal for how not-normal I am about this
Disclaimer:
This isn't for the 'actual' Enlightened Language — only to write stuff out in English with a different set of symbols in art (or, let's be honest, just for fun).
I have no proper knowledge of how to make scripts (such as if there are any common conventions to follow). If anything here offends you in terms of its accuracy or correctness, please don't come at me with pitchforks :)
I've done my best to make this explanation simple and thorough, but obviously there may be things that I have forgotten to mention (or things that I've perhaps not even considered). If you want clarification on anything or just have questions about the script, asks are welcome! (any discussion of the script will be tagged '#the enlightened script')
If you wish to use this script, feel free to do so! (I only request that you credit me (@/worldsunlikemyown) if you do). I would prefer it that you do not repost this to other social media sites, but if you do, please credit me clearly.
Introduction
The term 'Enlightened Script' (ES from now on) is technically a misnomer, because we know nothing about the Enlightened Language (EL from now on) and thus cannot make a script 'for' it. This script is, however, built upon the little we know about the aesthetic appearance of the actual script of EL, and contains the same twenty-six letters as the Latin Alphabet. It is made primarily for use in writing Modern English (it contains no diacritics, and will thus have little utility for writing in many other languages that use the Latin Alphabet). ES can be used to simulate the actual writing of EL, and represent this simulation in art and inscriptions where desired.
The Enlightened Script
This script has been designed with a view to the aesthetic of the actual script for EL, modelled somewhat from the unreliable example of Vespera's signature. It features heavy use of curls for this reason in the alphabet, with numerals and punctuation marked out by their relative lack of curls and embellishments. Note that symbols may vary from example to example in some small ways, as they are hand-written. If you wish to write ES in any of its forms, follow the general form of symbols from the three examples below).
**Click for a better resolution**
LETTERS
PUNCTUATION
(yes, I'll explain the square-bracketed symbols later)
NUMERALS
Modern ES
'Modern' ES refers to the version of ES that would be used in the modern day by elves and the other Intelligent Species in their daily writing — what we might call the 'normal' version. It is written with the same writing conventions as English, keeping the same spelling and orientation (left to right, then top to bottom). For example:
Here in the top-right of the image, the word 'suldreen' (chosen because it is the only real EL word we know) has been transcribed into Modern ES. It can be seen that the letters have been written out without joining or cursive elements in the manner of an English word. In the bottom half of the page is a quote: 'No reason to worry' (yes I used an Alden quote — it'll be easier to remember and was the first typical Keeper thing I thought of). This has also been written out in keeping with the conventions of writing in English.
NOTE ON PUNCTUATION: You will notice that in the PUNCTUATION section, some forms have been given in red square brackets. These are to be used for Modern ES (such as the colon represented in the image above, as well as the dash in the example). The version of the form outside of the red square brackets is to be used for Traditional ES. Symbols with no variant form remain the same in both versions of ES.
Traditional ES
Traditional ES is the oldest version of ES currently in use. It is the 'old' writing of the elves, which is used in the modern day mostly for adding a sense of grandeur to the atmosphere through its use on signboards, meaning that only its display version, which will be in the next section, is still well-known. I shall explain the proper form of Traditional ES first, however, because it is commonly used by the Ancients and as a basis for many of the codes and ciphers of the Elven world.
You may have noticed in the LETTERS section that the vowels (a, e, i, o, u) of ES are represented by symbols that open to the left, while the consonants are represented by symbols that open to the right. This is a 'remnant' (hush I don't know how to model change in writing systems and besides this is a simulation) of the system of Traditional ES, shown below.
Here is the word 'suldreen' again, transcribed in Traditional ES. The change in orientation is at once apparent, for Traditional ES, unlike Modern ES, is written from top to bottom, then from right to left. As seen in this example, letters branch out from a trunk that forms the word, with each letter's connection to the trunk referred to as a branch. Consonants are written on the right of the trunk, and vowels are written on the left, resulting in all symbols opening outwards. The topmost branch on a trunk is to be read first.
An example of longer text in Traditional ES:
Note that the punctuation orientation for the quotation marks has changed, and now uses the symbols given outside the red brackets. The question-mark remains unchanged, and is written in the same way in both Modern ES and Traditional ES (along with the comma, full-stop/period and exclamation-mark symbols). The sentence starts on the right, and the second line is the next one to the left, which is to be read from the top again.
Signboards in ES
The use of Traditional ES in the modern day remains mostly limited to signboards. To write on a signboard, a line of Traditional ES is, so to speak, rotated 90 degrees anti-clockwise, with the vowels now written on the bottom of a horizontal trunk, and the consonants written on top. It is read from left to right, then top to bottom if applicable (perhaps this may have influenced the left to right orientation of Modern ES). An example below:
The word written in the examples above is 'Everglen', first given in standard Traditional ES, then in the signboard version. In terms of the appearance of this 'signboard version' to elves, it would be read by Ancients as a vertical sign in English is read by us (see the right of the image). To most modern elves, it would simply register as an archaic version of their script, with no particular orientation difference observed.
Numerals and Mathematical Operations in ES
In-universe, the base-ten place-value system was (in my HEADCANON, and I cannot stress this enough) brought to the humans by elves. The writing of their numerals, as may be noted, has some similarities with Roman numerals (which in-universe, the Romans would have learned — again, only as a plausible headcanon — from elves). I have created the numerals to be written somewhat like Roman numerals (with the combination of symbols — I'm not sure of the right term for it). Operations are conducted in the same was as in the base-ten place-value system we use. For example:
In the example on the left (which reads 'Book 9.5'), it can be seen that numerals in Modern ES are written with the same orientation as the letters, with an un-filled dot representing the decimal point. The same applies to Traditional ES, but there is no trunk for numerals (just as there is no trunk for punctuation).
Operations have always been done with a horizontal orientation. Addition, subtraction and multiplication operations are done as shown in the middle-right of the image. The only thing drastically different from our own method of carrying out these operations is that the operation symbol is always to be put in a circle. The same applies to division, which is shown on the far-right. Fractions are written as shown bottom-right. (I don't know about special numbers and stuff okay let's pretend elves can't do math or just use the human symbols and say we got them from elves)
Handwritten examples (for a better understanding of sizing and possibly nicer-looking symbols) have been given under the cut, along with explanations and some interesting notes.
MODERN
TRADITIONAL
Note that the trunks for Traditional ES have been marked on each line. For numerals and punctuation, the portion of a line on which they are written will not be 'dashed through'.
Notes:
It is possible to 'reverse' Traditional ES to read from left to right by using mirror-forms of the letters, resulting in the vowels written on and opening to the right, and the consonants written on and opening to the left. Punctuation may or may not be used.
Modern ES could be 'reversed' in any of the many ways things written in the Latin Alphabet can be 'reversed' (one of these was likely used by Jolie for her mirror-written diary. Do with that as you will).
Taglist (tagging anyone who has interacted with the original post): @mee-op, @im56bithc, @lgbtqforeverything, @bookwyrminspiration, @camelspit, @strs-rndrps, @thefoxysnake, @kingkrakie, @keeperofthelostswiftie, @fintan-pyren, @brontekotlcyan, @vesperas-mirrors, and also @acanieve and @theefrenchcroissant, whom I can't seem to be able to tag properly)
#kotlc#kotlc elves#keeper of the lost cities#the enlightened script#the enlightened language#sorry this turned out so long ahskshdjidk I just couldn't think of a way to split it into multiple parts (or even reblogs)#I might post just the examples later to simplify it#well here you go#hope you like it <3
178 notes
·
View notes
Text
Summary: Joel Miller comes back into your life unexpectedly after a gap of thirty years, and stirs up all kinds of memories and longing. Now, as you're stationed on an outpost for five days alone with the man you stupidly let go of all those years ago, you have a chance to confront him about your past life together and all the things you wished you’d said and done.
But Joel’s different now, and you know you need to tread carefully. Joel Miller is not the same man you once knew in another life.
A slow burn romance set in the post apocalyptic world, approx. twenty or so years after the initial Cordyceps outbreak.
Pairing: Post-Outbreak Joel Miller x MatureF!Reader (No name or physical description of reader. However reader is of a similar age range as Joel; in her late forties/early fifties. Joel is slightly older at 56.)
Chapter word count: 2.7k
Series Masterlist
☝🏻See Series Masterlist for full smut warnings & triggers in this story. Chapters that contain smut or triggers will be highlighted in the chapter notes below. 👇🏻
Chapter notes: Mentions and descriptions of smut.
It's here, the final chapter. What an emotional rollercoaster we've been on in this series! Thank you so much to everyone who has read, commented, re-blogged and enjoyed this journey with Joel with and Reader. Love you all! 🖤
Enjoy! 🖤
Previous Chapter
1988...
C’mon, ya bein’ stupid. M’tryin’ to watch the game.
Don’t call me stupid, Joel.
Hey! I was watchin’ that!
I’m not stupid!
Well, ya sure acting like it, ain’t ya?
You’re such an asshole!
Real original, darlin’. Gimme the remote.
Look, just because I want better for myself doesn’t mean that-
What d’fuck ya mean ya want better?
That's not what I meant-
That’s what ya fuckin’ said, ain’t it?
Joel. You’re twisting my words.
No. You fuckin’ said ‘em.
I can’t talk to you when you’re like this!
Ya think you're better than me ‘cause you got a fuckin’ college education?
What? Why would you even say that?
M’fuckin’ workin my ass off on the site n’ it ain’t good enough for ya? M’not good enough for ya anymore, is that it?
Joel. Don’t-
You'd rather be off gallivantin’ ‘bout with your stupid friends without me?
I wanna see the world, Joel. What’s wrong with that?
Fine. Go fuckin’ see it. I’ve never stopped ya. See if I fuckin’ care.
Joel, stop it. I’m trying to talk to you.
No, ya talkin’ to me like I’m dumb. I ain't dumb. Get offa me.
Joel!
I said get offa me! Ya wanna leave, then leave. M’tried of fightin’ ‘bout it. Far be it for an uneducated fuckwit to stand in your way, darlin’.
Joel…
M’goin’ to bed.
You didn’t know it then, but that was the last argument you’d have with Joel.
You climbed into bed beside him later on and he was rolled over, back facing you and unbeknownst to you, still awake. The anger wouldn’t let him sleep.
He’d wanted so desperately to turn over and pull you into his arms, to whisper that he still loved you, but he didn’t. He held strong. He was tired of being the one that always caved first, apologised first for arguments he hadn’t instigated.
He wasn't going to apologise for not having a college education and working as soon as he left high school anymore.
He was tired of being compared and judged by your snarky friends, who, Joel thought, didn’t really respect you much either by the way they’d treated you on occasions. He’d been the one who held you when you cried over them.
But you were easily led and influenced by them, and it was almost as if the person you had become was partly due to their subtle moulding of you. You wanted more, they had more. It wasn't easy to see that and do the maths.
They were turning you against him and there was nothing he could do to prove to you anymore that he loved you so fucking much. It wasn’t enough anymore.
All he could do was throw himself into work that morning to forget about the anger as he ground down on his teeth all day.
He was at work when you’d packed your things, and he’d returned home to an empty apartment that he could barely afford on the shitty side of town. But he’d rented it for you; the both of you, so you could start a wonderful life together like you’d spoken about so many times before.
But you’d gone.
Every part of you had vanished. And you didn’t come back, not this time. And Joel hadn’t really known how to deal with it when you didn’t return his frantic calls.
He went out, got shitfaced drunk, slept all weekend in his piss and vomit, and then went to work again on the Monday, hungover and gravely irritable.
That was how it went on a cycle until days passed into months in a vacant blur. Then he met a girl who smiled at him when he stopped in for a coffee on his lunch break.
She was new at the coffee shop and complimented him on his eyes, even though they were sad. He took her out for pizza and she made him laugh again, and she ended up staying at his place.
She slept on your side of the bed.
Over time, she pushed you towards the back of Joel’s mind. Nine months later and she was pushing Sarah out of her, and Joel was holding his tiny daughter inside his arms covered in gooey placenta chunks and beaming at her, feeling that he finally made sense in the world, despite being innately terrified.
He’d called Tommy and told him he was an uncle. He’d called his parents. He’d wanted to call you and tell you. So fucking badly.
A year or so after Sarah’s first word - which to his pride was dada - Joel was a single parent after her mom upped and left one day out of the blue.
He woke to find a note left by the coffee maker informing him they were on their own, and Joel’s heart fell out of his ass for the second time.
Another one who had left without warning or explanation; it was hard to not develop a small complex about that as he grew in age and height, and put dating on the permanent back bench.
He had to do this alone now; raise Sarah all by himself and the thought fucking paralysed him.
He was convinced he would be a failure. A deadbeat. That he would fuck her up in some way. But he didn’t. If you were to ask Joel now, he’d say that she took care of him more than he probably did with her.
He worked every hour God sent so he could provide for her, so she could have everything she needed. He couldn’t have been more proud of her, and the night she gifted him back his watch fixed on his birthday, was probably the best gift he’s ever been given.
Aside from her, of course. His baby girl.
And then in 2003, on that fateful day and ironically, Joel's birthday, the world went to shit, and Joel lost Sarah. His baby girl.
He lost his sole reason for being, and he glanced down at his wrist, at that watch reminding him of that loss, as he raised the gun to his temple.
I'll see you real soon, baby girl.
Joel pulled the trigger.
Present day...
Joel glances at his watch now, forever frozen at the time of Sarah’s death; cracked glass with the bullet that ricocheted off of it and killed her on that fateful night that took everything from him.
An icon forever strapped around his wrist that reminds him of everything he’s lost when he glances at it thinking it still works sometimes; an unconscious action that circles round foolishness.
He realises his mistake and drops his wrist listlessly. It’s hot out, the warmth of the summer licking at the back of his neck and turning it evermore pink before it tans.
He rubs sawdust from his hands down his jeans, reaching for the wood plank.
“Hey you,” your voice chirps to him, interrupting his dark recall, and he turns around, squinting in the sun.
You hold out a brown paper bag that you push into his hands. “Brought you a sandwich,” you beam.
“Shouldn’ta done that.” Joel blushes as he leans in for a kiss. The feel of your lips brushing gently against his makes his fingertips buzz and he moans gently into your mouth. A sound that you will never tire of.
“Y’want some lemonade? C’mon, get outta this sun for a bit,” Joel leads you by the hand under the canopy of his workshop in the commune a few weeks later after you’ve both returned from the outpost.
Your return was an emotional one, one that you both approached with tentative footsteps. The moment you were reunited with Max, Sal and Guthrie, sharing in your devastation for the loss of Kelper, Joel was resolute in giving you the space to let you grieve with them.
But you pulled him back and instructed him in no uncertain terms that him being away from you was the last thing you wanted or needed.
I need you, Joel.
M’right here, darlin’. Ain’t goin’ nowhere. He’d assured you.
Joel was true to his word, clutching on tightly to your hand at the memorial for Kelper and all those that had fallen with him that day. A small ceremony with wild flowers and hand carved stones that were laid to rest in the chapel’s garden.
A peaceful, contemplative space that you visited daily, regaling Kepler’s stone with your thoughts from the day, things that had happened. Tending to and keeping the space trimmed and neat. And Joel always let you have that time alone with him.
He cradled you in his arms as you finally fell asleep after the tears had stopped falling. That night, unable to sleep, you went for a walk around the commune whilst Joel was dead to the world.
"I don't know if I can do this."
Of course you can, Goose. Kelper walked beside you, or at least that's where he told you he'd always be now.
Besides, you just got him back, are you gonna let him go again?
You shake your head. "I'm scared, Kelper."
I know. Wouldn't be right if you weren't. Trust me.
"I miss you." You sniffled.
I'm always here when you need me. Kelper smiled.
Joel stirred, reaching his arms out as you climbed back into the sheets, skin cooler and clammy.
"Ya okay, darlin?" He murmured into your hair.
You settled into the crook of his neck, safe inside his big, strong arms.
"I will be," you smiled into the silver of his chest hair.
And he held you tight as you slept. Held you even tighter when he sank his cock inside you almost every night since you’d both come back to the commune; unable to be parted from one another's skin for too long.
It was like you were both making up for lost time. Thirty years or so of pining and neither one of you ready to relinquish that closeness now that you'd got it back.
You sit on a stool as he pours out some lemonade for you that's sweetly tart and unwraps his sandwich. He smiles down at it, stuffed so full of filling that it’s spilling out the sides sloppily, but it’s his favourite. He offers you half like he always does when you bring him one.
You always shake your head smiling, and insist that he eats it all, but you find he’s left the other half for you regardless, and somewhat obstinately, as he stands to do some more work.
You sit and watch him work for a bit, as he measures and saws the wood and the others on the site come to collect the planks for the housing frames.
You observe him take charge, giving direction and even getting his hands roughed up as he sands the wood down, talking you through the process as you watch keenly.
Sometimes you bring a book from the library and are content to spend the day under the shade of the canopy breathing in sawdust and losing yourself into a make-believe world, until Joel nudges your cheek with a scruffy kiss and takes you with him back to his house - your new shared home together.
He leads you inside and the moment the door shuts, shuts out the rest of the commune, the rest of the world, you’re all over each other.
His hands are in your hair and yours are round his thick waist. His tongue licks into your mouth and you whine around it, feeling him press into you and crush you against the door.
“Been thinkin’ ‘bout eating ya out all day,” he husks against your face, skin sweaty and hot. Gritted with sawdust. You flare as his words are your undoing. “All. Fuckin’. Day.”
“So then do it, big guy,” you challenge back and his eyes blaze.
Your stomach simmers as he throws you over his broad shoulder, despite his groan when his back pulls; you’re giggling as he tosses you down on the bed and tugs down your jeans.
You’re a sanguine vision, naked from the waist down as he parts your thighs and kisses up them gently. You moan as the silk of his scruff feels good against your skin.
“Look at ya, all spread open for me, darlin’.” Joel croons at you. “So fuckin’ beautiful.”
You watch as he dips his head down and you feel his breath against the wet heat of your cunt already clenching and throbbing in anticipation.
Joel flattens his tongue against your slit and licks an agonising stripe upwards, slowly; tasting your slick and humming out in sweet, abandoned relief. He gently pulls on your labia, sucking and popping it out of his mouth in wet squelches.
Your fingers are scratching in his hair and he whines, taking a moment to enjoy the prickles that burst all over his scalp in only that way you can massage, before he dives back in.
“Fuck, Joel…” You groan; your body warming and your eyes fluttering closed.
He stops licking and sucking, and slips his fingers into you; index and middle right up to the base of his knuckle as he thrusts indomitably with them. With his other hand, he splays your wet lips and flicks his tongue over your clit relentlessly as he fucks you with his fingers, curling inside of you.
It feels so good, that deep winding and pulling as he furrows deep against your spot and the noises are obscene, coming from you and your pussy in equal measure.
Joel’s hard cock is pressing into the mattress and he can’t help but wind his hips into it with need.
“Joel, fuck… I’m gonna come,” you gasp; your body stiffening, back arching and starting that tight shake as the fire boils and travels through your veins.
“Come for me, darlin’,” Joel husks and he licks you harder, curls quicker and watches as you completely fall into oblivion. “Give it all to me.”
You try to shut your legs, crushing his chin and cheeks into your thigh meat, but he keeps you anchored to him, kisses all around your pussy and licks up your stomach until your mouths meet and you taste the sweet tang of yourself.
You reach down to unclasp his belt with his hands pressed either side of your head, you push his jeans down his thighs as far as they’ll go until you can’t reach anymore.
You take his head in your hands and kiss him deeply, you draw back; your eyes are lost inside of him and you tell him that you love him. Because you really do. You always have.
You never fucking stopped. Not once, in thirty years.
And Joel takes a beat, right as his cock is lined up with your dripping seam and is about to sink his throbbing head in slowly to that warm, wet crevice that welcomes him inside every time with a clench and a gasp rolling off your lips.
He looks down at you, mesmerised by the way you look at him. The way you used to look up at him all those years ago. He smiles softly.
“Marry me.” He says without hesitation, without a slur or stutter.
He watches as your mouth contorts open, the feel of him pushing into you slowly, deliberately for you to feel him. “Want ya to marry me.”
You nod, eyes swelling with tears. “You want to make me your little woman, Joel?” You chuckle with a groan as he breaks through.
“Yeah. I do. I love ya, darlin’.” He smiles earnestly, as he pushes his hips forward gently and sinks inside of you with a heady grunt. “So fuckin’ much. Goddamn.”
“Joel!” You grasp at his shoulders pulling him closer into you as he fills you whole.
“Say it, say you will.” He pants, his forehead rolling over yours. “Be my wife.”
“Yes.” You sigh out, elated. “Yes, yes, yes…” Your heart swells, bigger than your chest can contain. Helium and glitter filling you up as he furrows deeper inside of you, makes you scratch at the back of his neck.
And it’s at that moment right here, and every night and day with you thereafter, that Joel Miller knows that no matter what happens next in this altered and rotten world - whatever it is that comes snapping its sharp jaws towards him relentlessly - he’ll always be able to endure and survive.��
With you by his side, as his lover, his friend. His wife. The absolute love of his life who he found again, after all this time. And he fell back in love with you, all over again in just five days.
Because five days was all it took, to lead you back to him.
The End??
Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Prev Chapter
Thank you for taking the time to read my story; it really means so much to me. I'd love to know your thoughts, and I'd really appreciate a re-blog so others can enjoy this story too. Thank you so much 🖤
MAIN MASTERLIST
TAGLIST: If you'd like to be removed, please let me know.
Tagging everyone who asked to be tagged & who re-blogged my teaser.
@secretelephanttattoo @morgaussy @darkheartgatita @sp00kymulderr @survivingandenduring @sin-djarin @lilmizmoz @yazsos @ryangoslingstanktop @barbellpedro @givemeth @anavatazes @alwaysmicado @the-blind-assassin-12 @kirsteng42 @missredherring @gasolinerainbowpuddles @millennial-teenybopper @maggiemayhemnj @harriedandharassed @stevie75 @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @chaoticfestninja @reddedmiller @doughmonkey @sonderosa @magpiepillsjunior @chronically-ghosted @pedroswife69 @regalwhovianbrowncoat774 @marisemonteiroo @everythingiwanttoread @jjhayhay20 @nerdieforpedro @perennialdoll247 @casa-boiardi @joeldjarin @sscorpiiio @untamedheart81 @srmacaroni @violinchick @orcasoul @lucyeyelesbarrow @mandrillusphinx @loveisacowboyyy @suzmagine @disassociation-daydreams @anoverwhelmingdin @within-the-depths
#joel miller x reader#pedro pascal x reader#joel miller#pedro pascal#joel miller tlou#joel miller x you#joel miller smut#joel miller fluff#joel miller angst#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller fic#the last of us#the last of us fic#pedro pascal characters#five days#five days series#jett's writing
183 notes
·
View notes
Text
Computer Virus - Vo/x, Ha/zbin Ho/tel
I couldn't not post this eventually. Been rattling around in my drafts for a while so I figured it was time it see's more than just the light of a few people's gazes. Also idk great details about computers/television besides google so uh, yeah lol. (Contains illness and minor mentions of mess) Summary: Vo/x is reminded why he never lets his co-workers use his private tech. AKA Vale/ntino you asshole.
“Fug’ck’s sake…”
Vox swallowed hard - then immediately wished he hadn’t. The action brought a pronounced, throbbing ache along the swollen, tender flesh of his throat. What had started as a barely there tickle and a slight stiffness in his joints steadily morphed into a definite virus - one that decided to bring family and friends, because it felt like his entire being was bogged down with congestion, discomfort and malaise.
In short: It fucking sucked, and he could only blame fucking Valentino.
Every time the asshole had an issue with his laptop, he always, always used Vox’s personal one - seriously, he was gonna need to triple encrypt it at this point to keep him out - and managed to download a fucking nasty malware via some kind of porn site. By the time Vox had connected his own system to the device, it was already too late, and by the time he’d found the source, it had already been transferred to him.
Part of him couldn’t be pissed at Valentino. Like, truly couldn’t. Valentino would just start cussing him out; How should I know what the fuck a computer virus looks like? What the hell is malware, anyway? On and on and on, until finally Vox would grow weary and just ban him from using any of his devices EVER again.
A sigh ghosted past Vox’s lips, followed by a sniffle - the sound so thick, sodden and heavy that it nearly had his skin crawling. To know that he didn’t even have a nose, let alone sinuses to get swollen and yet he felt so unbearably full to the brim with congestion… It was disgusting.
He almost wanted to sneeze, if to have a brief moment where his head didn’t feel so full to bursting. Almost.
Maybe if he could call it one-and-done, but nooo. He could never sneeze just once. They came in bursts, itchy expulsions that seemed to tumble out on top of each other, so damned excited to finally be let loose. And they left Vox panting, sniveling and mortified as he tried to mop the fluid that seeped from his vents and lips. Fuck, it was so gross.
Groaning, he shifted onto his side and tugged the duvet tighter over his shoulders - he hadn’t left bed for a good few hours but fuck it. The day was a wash the moment he’d slept through his alarm. Velvette and Valentino (the virus-peddling-moth-fucker) could manage without him for one damn day.
His eyes were close to shutting completely, once again allowing the haze of sleep to take over - until he felt it. Just there, right behind his eyes; an inkling of prickling irritation.
He whined, squinting and uselessly screwing his expression up as though he did have a nose to wriggle and twitch. Please, just let me sleep for a minute…
As if infuriated at the mere idea that Vox wouldn’t allow himself the pleasure of sneezing, the sensation all but exploded, and a sharp hitch flew past his lips.
“Fuhhhck m’be, plhhheease…!” Okay, maybe that was a little weird to be gasping out in bed - alone but, he simply didn’t care. In the moment, all Vox could do was gasp and sputter, a few more lewd-leaning sounds spilling past trembling lips before the television demon’s system couldn’t stand to have the intense irritation linger a moment longer.
“heh’IISSCHHH’HIEW!”
The first sneeze always managed to take him by surprise, if nothing else than because he was still stunned he could even sneeze so hard without a fucking nose. He cringed, feeling the pillowcase beneath his head grow a bit damp - ughhh, fucking gross - but he had all of two seconds to dwell on the mess factor before a shiver rippled down his spine.
“hHHZZSCHH’hiew! hHHZZ’NGSHHh! Hehh!! Ehhh’IZZSCHH’OOoo! Unnghh… fu’huuugck…”
A pitiful whine trailed after the last exhausting sneeze. It felt like someone had just sucked whatever was left of his damned soul out of his ailing body. And the congestion somehow seemed worse, sluggishly dripping onto his already soiled pillowcase. It plugged his ears and made his head spin even while laying down.
Despite how Vox wanted to immediately throw himself into the pits of hell itself, he settled on nuzzling deeper into his covers and tugging the comforter forcefully over his head.
Fuck a day off. At this rate, the other Vee’s were lucky if they managed to get him back in a week.
#greywrites;#//i literally have so much more filth in my brain for this man but for now#hope y'all enjoy~
78 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’ll Be Home For Christmas
Summary: Holidays can be rough
Warnings: Angst ish
Word Count: 722
A/N: hi! this is the first thing i’ve ever written. my best friend asked for an imagine and this is what started it all. there will be punctuation errors. it’s not really proof read i wrote it on my phone. hope y’all enjoy! thanks for reading. p.s. I do NOT consent to have my work posted, translated or published to any third party site or app.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
You’re standing by the window watching the snow fall outside. There’s a fire crackling in the fire place and soft christmas musicq playing. everything is in place to get you in the christmas spirit. presents under the tree, the house is full of decorations, but something’s missing. Or rather someone. Chan had called you earlier in the week, JYP had booked them a performance for New Year’s. He told you that him and the kids would be practicing until christmas eve in preparation. He encouraged you to head home to ohio without him, assuring you that he’d be there the day after christmas. As you’re standing by the window Hannah approaches, two mugs in her hand. “Hey honey, I know you wish he was here. We all do. I can’t fly him here myself, but I have some hot chocolate. That always makes things a little better” She smiles at you sympathetically as she hands you one of the mugs. You take a moment to appreciate your sister in law. She and Chan have the same eyes. You take a sip of the hot chocolate letting it warm you from the inside,out. “Thanks Hannah, as much as i wish he were here, I get it. I knew who I was marrying, and I know he probably wishes he were here more than i do.” Hannah breaks into a full blown grin, “You know he does, my brother would watch the world burn to see you crack a smile. That’s how much he loves you.” She doesn’t know just how much you need those words in that moment. As you feel your eyes fill with tears you see her start to panic. You chuckle through your tears, “Sorry i’m a mess, give me a second to get myself together then i’ll come join everyone downstairs.” She turns to leave but stops in her tracks, “We ordered some food it should be here by the time you come downstairs” she spares you one last glance before closing the door behind her. Left alone, you take a deep grounding breath. You hear the doorbell ring and take that as your que to head downstairs and wash up before lunch. As you descend the stairs you see Bangchan’s dad paying the pizza man, he wishes the man a merry christmas and closes the door. He turns around and sees you on the stairs. There’s a twinkle in his eye, much like the one Chan gets when’s he’s hiding something. “Hey Cierra, you can head into the guest bathroom to wash up before lunch” He smiles warmly at you. Once you reach the bottom floor Berry approaches you and runs around your feet. You bend down and give the sweet girl some affection before heading to the bathroom. as you approach the door it opens. You bump into the person leaving the bathroom. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry” you exclaim with your eyes cast down in embarrassment. The person chuckles and you’d know that tone anywhere. Your head shoots up, eyes glossy as you look at your husband. “Chan?” you say breathily in disbelief jumping into his arms. “Hi gorgeous, you didn’t really think I’d miss christmas with my baby did you?” he says as he catches you. He gently sets you on your feet cradling your face in his hands, and gives you a kiss. He wipes a stray tear from your eyes. “I thought you had rehearsals” You say, staring at him astonished. “Well, me and the boys told JYP there was no way we would practice through Christmas Eve and risk not being home in time for Christmas.” He takes your hand and kisses your palm. “I didn’t say anything, because I wanted to surprise you.” He keeps your hand and begins leading you both towards the table, all thoughts of washing up forgotten. As you both walk into the dining room his mother calls out to you both, “Hold it you two, i think you’re forgetting something” She points to the space above your heads. You look up and see a piece of mistletoe. You catch Chan’s eye and he smirks at you. Leaning in he gives you a long kiss on the mouth, he pulls back grinning at you ear to ear. “I’ll always come home to you, Merry Christmas baby”
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
The White Rabbit - Chapter 1: Persephone
Finding a needle in a haystack. A diamond in the rough. A four-leaf clover. A unicorn. Waldo.
Whatever idiom or cliche you’d like to use, none of them can accurately portray how difficult it is to find a good, competent online dominatrix.
Let me rephrase.
It is damn near impossible to find an online domme that doesn’t want to drain you of every cent in your bank account, and if you do? It’s a bot…that also wants to drain you of every cent in your bank account.
That didn’t stop me from trying, though.
I traipsed every site I could think of. Fetlife, Reddit, Twitter, 4chan. Begging, pleading for someone to “use this sissy in any way you see fit.” I commented “wish this was me” under every single Tumblr post about sissies getting humiliated in hopes that it would somehow yield a strong, dominant, willing woman to my inbox. I even put an ad on Craigslist.
In all my attempts, the only thing I got was creepy messages from dudes, and bots. LOTS of bots.
The only thing I’d had even moderate success on was Kik. I wouldn’t even call it success, really. More like a handful of messages every now and then from girls interested in seeing me in panties. My cock would be so hard, the g-string I was wearing looked more like a slingshot. But things rarely took off from there.
They either wanted too little from me, outrighted ghosted me, or wanted too much from me.
I know, I sound hypocritical. What do I mean, ‘too much’? Right? Turns out, I’m not willing to spoon feed myself my own shit for someone else’s amusement. Everyone has their limits.
But then, just when I’d abandoned all hope, along came Persephone.
“Hello,” her first message said, what everyone said when they first messaged. Could anything be more boring and uninspiring to a conversation?
But she wasn’t done.
“I found your *adorable* blog on Tumblr and just had to message you.”
Okay, so it’s a bot. Or a findom. One of the two. But usually phishers will have a stereotypical profile picture of some bimbo or a MILF that they ripped from the internet. Persephone’s, however, was a hand drawn image of, well, Persephone. Or at least what I thought was Persephone, I hadn’t really brushed up on my Greek Mythology. Or was it Norse Mythology? Whatever it was, the picture was of a bronze-skinned woman with leaves and flowers going through her auburn hair. She was clutching skulls in her left hand, and eating what looked like a pomegranate in the other.
“Just tell me how much your tribute is.” I shot back coldly.
It took several seconds for her to reply. Usually bots had an automated response that would give their list of demands (in poorly written english) as well as a price tag.
“Tribute? What’s a tribute?” she eventually said. “I just want to see you in panties.”
I was skeptical, but let’s be honest, any submissive sissy would already be intrigued by the prospect at this point.
I quickly found my lacy pair of pink ones, my favorite.
“Cute!” she replied after I sent her a picture of the panties just beneath my shirt. “But now take the rest of your clothes off so that you’re only wearing those.”
Again, I still had my reservations, but that didn’t stop me. I positioned my phone on the dresser. Trying to get just the right angle and distance to show off my body, without showing my face. I definitely didn’t trust whatever this was enough to put even a modicum of my identity out there.
I wasn’t in great shape by any means, but I wasn’t overweight either. ‘Flabby’ would probably describe it best. It occurred to me just then that I should start going to the gym. It took me several attempts to get a shot I was happy with. I quickly uploaded it to the chat and hit send. A part of me was worried that if I didn’t go fast enough, I would end up losing her.
“You’re such a pretty sissy!” She replied shortly after. It was oddly comforting. I felt validated. “Do you have anything in black?
This was really happening, not only was someone showing interest in me, but they haven’t even asked for money yet.
I got out my black g-string. In my angst to get it on I pulled up a little too far and flossed my crack a bit. It singed from the friction, but I ignored it. Tucking my erection into the waistband so it was held upwards.
“Hahaha! That one makes you look super slutty! And look how happy your clitty is! What other colors do you have?”
I spent the next half an hour going through the various pairs of panties I’d accrued over the years, modeling each and every one of them for her. Persephone was just the right amount of encouraging, dominating, and wicked.
“Your tushy looks great in that one.”
“I bet I could make your cheeks that same shade of red.”
“Wiggle that butt and tell me you’re a sissy slut!”
My body was shaking. No, more like shivering. It had to be because I was naked and cold. Or was it? There was an icy chill flowing through my veins. A pressing weight from the intensity of the thrill. Like when you ride a roller coaster. You know you’re probably safe, but that doesn’t stop you from getting paranoid, panicky, and excited all at the same time. I could feel my heart thumping through my chest.
“Are you ready to wet your panties?” She eventually asked.
There it was. For some reason things always had to escalate into toilet stuff. I know beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to getting dominated, but I really wish I wasn’t so picky.
“I’d rather not piss myself 😔” I told her.
I hoped she’d understand, I hoped she’d be lenient, I hoped I didn’t scare her away.
It took a long time for her to respond, or maybe it just felt like it did. But eventually my phone pinged.
“Not piss yourself, silly. I was asking if you wanted to wet them with cummies. Even though it looks like you’re already halfway there with your pre-leakies 😏”
My face flushed in embarrassment even though she wasn’t even there. It was just words, but it still had an effect on me. How could someone without a face and a voice still make me feel so small? It was intoxicating.
“Touch your itty bitty clitty for me, sissy.”
She was so poignant, so forward without sounding demanding, like I was comforted but under her thumb all at the same time.
I reached into my panties. I’d be lying if I said it was the first time since we started chatting. My cock had been screaming to be touched since the first or second message. I obliged it several times while being careful not to go too far. I didn’t want this scene to end. But now I had permission.
I reached into my panties and wrapped my hand around my cock. It wasn’t the biggest, maybe 4 and a half inches, 5 on a good day. Right now it felt like I was pushing 6. I had to stop because I was getting too excited. I sent her the video, doing my best not to touch myself again and cum too soon.
“I’m sorry…” she said after I sent her a 30 second video of me slowly stroking. I was confused, until she said “is that how someone in panties is supposed to be touching themselves??”
Ok. I was still confused.
“How should I do it, Miss?”
“Call me Goddess.” She replied. “And you should do it like most girls do when they play with themselves: one finger, on the sensitive part of your clitty. Do NOT stroke.”
I flushed again. This was so humiliating, but I was achingly erect. I propped my clit—err—cock up into my waistband again. It was enough for the head to stick up just above it. I dipped my finger into my mouth and wet it with saliva to lubricate it. Not that I needed to. As soon as I touched the frenulum at the bottom part of my penis, I noticed it was covered with precum.
I aimed my phone at myself, seeing how pathetic I looked on the screen as I started swirling my finger back and forth along the tiny, sensitive line.
I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding. I heard a pitiful, high-pitched sigh escape my lips. It wasn’t a lot of stimulation, but apparently I didn’t need much. I felt the urge to cum again.
I had to stop myself. I didn’t want to go yet. I wanted to stay in this headspace forever. I scanned through the video real fast to make sure I didn’t accidentally show my face, then hit send.
“God you’re so fucking pathetic! Lol. Such a horny sissy! I can hear you making little girly moans! But I want them to be louder. I want you moaning like a fucking whore while you beg me to let you cum in your sissy panties!”
I didn’t have to embellish much, just had to stop suppressing the sounds I wanted to make, and bring them up an octave so they were a higher pitch.
“You’re doing so good, baby girl!” She teased after I sent her another 30 seconds of me moaning and whimpering. Normally I would be a bit put off by being called a baby, but nothing could stop me now.
“Please let me cum, Goddess! Please!” I squeaked. I had two fingers rubbing my clitty as I anxiously awaited her reply.
“You can cum. But I want you repeating ‘I'm a sissy making stickies in my panties’ the whole time. And I want to see your face while you do it.”
I gulped. My cock retreated a bit at that last sentence. I hardly knew this girl. I couldn’t even be sure she was a girl. And what would she do with a video like that? What I'm doing is far from illegal, but it’s still not something I would like being spread around.
“Do I have to show my face?” I asked.
“Yes.” She replied, “but only if you’re comfortable… and only if you want to cum 😉”
‘Only if you’re comfortable.’ For some reason, that made me feel better, like she had my best interest at heart, but still maintained a firm grip on my psyche.
I did want to cum. Probably more than ever. But I didn’t want to put my face out there. I never had before, was this the time to start?
Yes. The horny devil on my shoulder told me instantly. I didn’t even hear the angel, no idea where that guy was right now.
I sighed as I opened my camera again. Pulling my arm back a little further than normal so as to allow my face to join the rest of my splayed out body on the floor. My cheeks were a bright red, whether from embarrassment or being more horny than I've probably ever been in my life, I couldn’t be sure.
“I’m a sissy making stickies in my panties” I said as I fingered my clitty. It was weird saying something out loud, basically to yourself, in an empty apartment.
“I’m a sissy making stickies in my panties!” I had to close my eyes because I didn’t want to see how pathetic I looked on the screen. Unfortunately, there was no way for me to stop myself from hearing it.
“I’m a s-sissy,” my legs were shaking, I could feel the pressure building like a volcano about to erupt, “m-making st-stickies in my…my…PANTIES!!”
I practically shouted the last word as my clit erupted into the soft, silky material. It just kept going. Spurt after hot, sticky spurt of jizz into my red panties. They were now a darker shade of crimson as the wetness spread through them. It was probably one of the biggest loads I’ve ever made, but the fabric itself was terrible at absorbing any excess. It was all sloshy and gushy inside, and the creamy load made its way all the way down the thin line to my taint and crack.
My libido evaporated and was replaced by a bit of shame. But even with my post-nut clarity, I was blinded by the power Persephone held over me. I wanted to impress her. I wanted to please her.
“Thank you for letting me make cummies in my panties, Goddess” I said before hitting stop on the video.
If there was ever a time to go back on my word about showing my face, it would be now. I didn’t have to send it. I could just move right on and she would never be the wiser. She would probably forget about me and move on to some other sissy to play with.
But that realization hit with a pang of jealousy. I wanted to be the one she played with. I wanted to be the one she called a slut and even a ‘baby girl’.
Women like this didn’t come around often, or like…ever. I didn’t want to lose my chance with her.
The angel on my shoulder finally appeared. “You just met her an hour ago.” it said, “you actually haven’t even met her yet. Who knows what she could do? Who knows if she’s even a ‘she’?”
Valid points, all of them. But even without my horniness intact, the devil was winning.
“What’s the worst that could happen?” he said. “Opportunities like this don’t come often. If you let her get away, you’ll be kicking yourself.”
After several seconds of deliberation, I made my decision:
I hit send.
I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?
It was the waiting game that was torture. The message indicated that it had been read. She was probably watching it now. But after several minutes, the length of the video had passed. If she was watching it, she had to have finished by now. What was she doing?
Then the screen changed. Persephone is typing…
“Good job, sissy slut! You sure made quite the mess! Now it’s time for me to upload it everywhere and send it to all your friends!”
Fuck!
God damn it!
Oh god oh god oh god…
How could I be so stupid??
I knew. I knew she would do this! I should have fucking listened to myself. That little inkling of doubt and reason. The one you realize was there only after you fuck something up.
What will my friends think when they see me gushing into panties? What will my Mom think??
My phone pinged again.
“Just kidding!” it read, “Oh how I WISH I could have seen your face!! 😂”
The gravity was turned off in the building. All the crushing weight had been lifted. I didn’t even know what to say, I was just happy I could breathe again.
“You got me…haha 😅”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if I made you do something *else* in your panties too 😉”
I didn’t exactly know what she meant by that. But I didn’t question it. I was just happy to have her still talking to me.
“Well I’m off to bed, sissy. And in case you haven’t guessed: You will be sleeping in your gushy panties all night. Sweet dreams!”
To be continued…
I just released Chapter 5 of this story over on Subscribestar. Things are starting to pick up if you'd like to continue reading!
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
W.I.P. as We Wait for AO3
I wasn’t planning on sharing anything this week from the Power Swap fic I’ve been working on recently, but AO3 is down, so I wanted to put out something as we all wait for its return and support the volunteers defending the site from a malicious attack. (Tagged by @ejunkiet today and @persephotea a few days ago. Thank you, friends!)
This in-progress fic has surpassed 60K and the end is coming soon, but I’ve still got more to write. Until then, please enjoy this snippet and others I’ve posted, which you can find here, here, here, here, here, and here, if you are interested.
Open tag to all writers to share whatever you’ve got during AO3′s defense. Open tag to all readers to send authors asks about their works/writing/process/anything. No reason that our wait for AO3 has to be a silent one!
“Asher…” Babe quivered, realizing their fangs had dropped. Sam had told Babe that, as an experienced vampire, he had gained enough discipline and self-control. That meant that Babe didn’t have to worry about accidentally losing control, but he had also warned them that hunger wasn’t something a vampire could ignore forever. “I…” Babe wiped the back of their hand across their cheek. “I’m hungry.”
Asher took their hand to sandwich it between his. “Okay, Babe,” he soothed. He had presumed this would happen; the beta just hadn’t known exactly when. Although it was a relief Babe didn’t have to contend with a newborn’s impulses, Asher knew just how traumatic a vampire’s first feeding could be. “Let’s wake up Sam.” He threw off the covers, ready to spring into action.
“No!” Babe yanked Asher back to the bed, their vampire strength making it easy to keep Asher in bed. “No, I don’t… I can’t…”
“You can,” Asher answered firmly. “You can’t starve yourself, Babe. I know it’s hard, but it’ll be alright.
Babe shook their head. “The thought of the blood bag makes me want to vomit,” they admitted, utterly embarrassed. “And I don’t want to feed on some stranger. Sam said I’d know how to do it without hurting them, because it’s so ingrained, but I’m scared. And grossed out. And I just want to be back in my own body, with my own eyes, with my own puny little human strength and speed, and be normal!”
Asher gathered them close, letting Babe tip their head into his scarred chest. “Shhh, it’s okay,” he repeated a few times, gently bringing his hand to their back. “Alright, Babe, I’m here. Here with you. It’s okay.” The sight of his mate crumbling and lamenting their vampiric hunger broke Asher’s heart in two. As much as he wanted to wave his hand and grant his mate’s wish to be human again, he simply didn’t have that capability. Asher didn’t want to force Babe into feeding from a bag or donor, but he knew that it was vital that they fed, lest they risk real illness, if their hunger didn’t eventually drive them insane so that they accidentally hurt someone. He held them tighter, trying to think about what he could do to ease their terrible burden.
It was like a horrific puzzle. Babe was a vampire, and they needed to consume blood. They didn’t want to consume blood via a bag. They didn’t want to drink from a stranger willing to consent to a live feeding. So how else could they consume the blood they needed? What other option was there?
“You don’t want the bag or a stranger,” Asher repeated once Babe quieted. They reluctantly brought their face up out of his chest to stare into their mate’s face. “That’s fine. You don’t need either.” Asher yanked at the collar of his big, baby-blue T-Shirt to reveal his neck. “Feed on me.”
57 notes
·
View notes
Note
Do you think fictionjunction could do the ending or opening for the new madoka movie? I feel like since kalafina doesn't exist anymore, the more logical option to me is fictionjunction, Keiko is still there after all :( I would love so much if they get at least an insert song or something like that, it would give them huge exposure as a band, I feel like I'm the only one but I wish FJ could be like the continuation of kalafina in some way T_T
Hello there!
This feels like such a throw-back to 2021 when "Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Walpurgisnacht – Rising" was first announced. I made a post about it here =>
Everyone was super hyped and hoped that this would be Kalafina's best chance for a reunion. I think they even trended on Twitter for a while thanks to everyone's speculations. Who would have thought that it would take the creators another two years to get to a point where they could finally make some proper announcements and reveal a tentative release date. However, we still don't know who is going to be in charge of the OP/ED...*sighs* Just a couple of days after I had made the above post, I received an ask about whether or not I thought that Kalafina would be involved in the project.
Not much has changed about my opinion since then. As long as Wakana is with Space Craft, I don't see a reunion happening so it is very unlikely that Kalafina will be singing any of the tie-ins. As for other options, I still feel like a solo gig for Hikaru (maybe as FictionJunction feat. Hikaru?) would be the best idea. This way, the work is paying tribute to the original Kalafina songs but there's no weird sense of replacement. And let's be real here, no one needs a proper breakthrough more than Hikaru. I hope that she will eventually be able to sign up with Highway Star. In her current state as freelance artist, I'm afraid the Madoka Magica creators won't even consider hiring her (connection to YK notwithstanding). Having the support of a solid agency could probably restore some of the credit she has undoubtedly lost as artist during the last year.
Re: FictionJunction => Maybe it's just me but I am not particularly eager to see FictionJunction or even Hikaru and Keiko be in charge of a song because it would feel like they are trying too hard to be Kalafina 2.0. Yeah sure, Joelle or LINO can take up Wakana's role but for me, Kalafina is not Kalafina without Wakana.
I see your point of course and for many this option would probably be better than nothing but I wonder if huge exposure for FictionJunction is even something Yuki Kajiura would want...I don't think it has ever been her goal to gain mainstream success with her FictionJunction project. But who knows...
#kalafina#reply#wakana#keiko#hikaru#mahou shoujo madoka magica#puella magi madoka magica#madoka magica#magia#kimi no gin no niwa#hikari furu
32 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi there!
I just wanted to let you know that I'd never heard of Saya no Uta until I saw you talking about it on my dash and I was like hey I'll look into that!! I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and it was definitely an experience. I've only played the route of choosing Saya and choosing to call Ryoko, so I still have to make the other choices to view all of the game's content, but I just wanted to come say thank you for giving me the second controversial piece of media I've been able to consume without my ocd throwing a bitchfit, because the whole story is fascinating from a psychological standpoint and that definitely drew me in.
I just wish the story was a little more 3D, I guess? Like the writing is overly descriptive of things it doesn't need to be descriptive of and underwhelming with the actual voiced dialogue. It's an extremely bizarre contrast. And from what little Japanese I've learn over the years out of SpInterest there are some translation points that aren't entirely accurate.
A big one is the fact that Saya speaks in third person which is a common cutesy mannerism for small children in Japanese media. In fact, she speaks super similarly to Maria Ushiromiya from Umineko ( complete with using 'uu!' for emphasis too ) which caused me to attach quickly to her for it. While it's true that this doesn't translate well into English, it does lose in translation just how young Saya really sounds while speaking. Because in Japanese she's saying things like 'Saya did this for Fuminori because Saya wants to be with Fuminori forever!' and it's getting translated as like 'I did this to make you happy. So you'll stay with me forever, right, Fuminori?' and those are two completely different tones. In fact, it's so overlooked from the English translation that this trope of hers isn't even mentioned on the The Song of Saya tvtropes page and that's wild to me.
Sorry, I didn't meant to turn this into a rant in your inbox asjklhd. Thank you for bringing this intriguing piece of media to my attention. 💖
Hiii, I'm so sorry for taking so long to reply to this ask but it was lovely getting it, so please don't apologize! We love getting long asks, and talking about our interests <3 And I'm really happy me basically screaming into the void about it, got you into it! That's great, that's exactly why I post about the things I like.
This was very interesting to read so thank you for sending it.
Side Thought: TV Troupes actually really really sucks for this kinda thing, it is widely innacurate with big media, and incredibly lacking for small media. So personally, I would not chuck TV Tropes lacking this as much to the (very bad, like super bad) official translation, as much as I would to the site just kinda sucking.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh, the website is fun, like any other wiki is, I just have personal beef against it, do not mind me, old man yells at cloud.
The first route I finished was also the one with Ryouko, and tbh, in my opinion that's the best one, but obviously seeing the other endings gives a lot of extra information, and character depth, so I hope you play through them and enjoy them too.
And yeah, I feel you, I wish it was more 3D and that I could have cared more about the characters, the writing definetly feels too much like purple prose, and way too descriptive about meaningless things sometimes, while also compeltley glazing over others.
Also big big same about the translation, I already posted my long rant about it, but it's really such a shame, because Nitro+ is actually so good at conveying character through dialogue, like actually reading some of the VNs in Japanese is a whole new experience on its own
And exactly as you said, it would have been far easier to understand Saya is a literally preubecent child if the translation had shown how childishly she actually speaks, or another big one, we would have gotten to see more of just how badly Fuminori wants to show off in front of Saya and Yoh, if the translation had actually shown him avoiding being fully honest with Saya.
Like there's so so many moments in Japanese of him just going, Well, about that, you know... to Saya when she's asking him about their plans together, and he's very reluctant to ask her for help, even when he really needs it, until she blatantly offers it, and he takes it.
In the Official English version he literally just goes "Well, the thing, Saya is that I failed to kill Koji, any ideas about that?"
So much character missed there, I feel like also missing the honorifics isn't helpful or good, like Yoh calling Oumi, Oumi-chan makes them feel way way closer, than just college friends who hang out between classes. And it gives you a better sense that they care for each other.
My hot take about translations is that they shouldn't just accomodate to what's most familiar to the target audience, in this case USA people, it should just make the media more accesible. It isn't a failure of art if it is a bit of a struggle to engage with it, it's good to make an effort to try to understand foreign art, even when the way the text is presented, isn't super familiar or relatable to you.
This is basically what everybody who isn't from an English speaking country already does lol
#The first few people I met who had played tcoaal way back in the day got into it from me posting about it on a different sideblog and it#means so much to me to this day I wanna keep sharing what I like so maybe other people will like it too#I apply the same mentality to reblogging art and fics#I have actually never read Umineko I need to get in on that either way it's always lovely to see you around and I'm always up for#chatting about my silly little vns :)#soleil asks#saya no uta#longer answer to long ask
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
having some Weird Thoughts currently about tumblr's place in the modern internet ecosystem, vis a vis twitter melting down, macebook/feta losing its shit, and a bunch of folks joining up here either for the first time in years or the first time at all.
namely, I really do believe that automattic/tumblr's current leadership is very very slowly and very very carefully implementing a bunch of changes in preparation to bring back adult content in its entirety, as part of a larger scheme to try to monetize without resorting to data scraping (which is basically impossible to do here the way it is on other sites anyway). it certainly seems like that's what they're doing, between post+, the tip jar, community labels, and the ability to make posts non-rebloggable. obviously these features have plenty of use outside of adult content (except maybe post+, which makes literally no sense outside of sex work), but what they seem to be doing is building up a logistical means by which to allow adult content, and allow it to be monetizable.
and like, no, I don't think tumblr the company is Our Best Friend; yes it is a company that needs to profit under capitalism to survive, but so is everything, and there is genuinely something funny and weird (in a very stupid, ironic way) about tumblr as a social media site operating in the 2020s. It just legitimately doesn't have the capacity to scrape data and sell targeted ads the way the giants of the modern internet do, both because it is a product of an earlier age when that wasn't yet a standard profit mechanism, and also just 'cause like. tumblr's fucking code is shit. I'm sure it's a lot better than it was circa 2012, but jokes about tumblr's legendary goof goof dildo spaghetti code used to be really common, and anyone who's been here longer than a couple months either remembers or at least has heard of just how weird and fucked up and bad the site's basic functionality used to be. Legitimately, the reason why tumblr feels so nice rn compared to the heyday is as much because it's just so genuinely more functional than it was ten years ago as it is because there's so comparatively few people.
but point being: if tumblr under yahoo had been handled with any semblance of basic competence, they might've seen which way the wind was blowing w/r/t targeted ads and data sales and we might have an entirely different, much worse hellsite than we actually have. or it probably would've died because yahoo would've actually fully ran it into the ground, more likely. but also it probably wouldn't have worked because the assumption of anonymity is so much more baked into the incredibly weird, broken, decade and half's worth of layered bullshit code that even if anyone previously could've realized that the smartest way to make money would be to scrape and sell data, they'd never have been able to implement it.
and so we have the tumblr of today: weird, unmarketable, ungovernable, proudly cringe, and deeply resistant to the mainstream. so not actually that much different to tumblr circa 2012, if a lot smaller and more battle-hardened.
but like. by the standards of what's available on the modern internet, tumblr is honestly one of the best, most versatile spaces still standing with any amount of a userbase? straight up, the dominance of twitter and instagram has made a lot of people really oddly perplexed by the concept of being able to write detailed essays in the body of a post, let alone the idea of dozens of images per post, or audio like, at all. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things about tumblr that I wish were different or better that just aren't compatible with how tumblr is set up at a base level as an LJ user every day I miss threaded comments and LJ-style cuts I LAMENT them I tell you, but of the options out there, tumblr is fucking wild in what it can offer. but I don't just mean for artists and fandom and weird little gremlins like those of us who've been here this whole time, I mean like. fuck. like.
watching the White House's twitter account try to lay out complex policy initiatives in 280-characters is fucking painful sometimes, and yet we've all gotten used to it in the past decade plus. leaving aside the fact that it's bonkers and deeply unsettling and generally bad that world leaders are beholden to usamerican for-profit corporations to communicate in general, of all of the socmed sites out there, it's kind of insane that twitter is the one that got big in the official political scene. (don't get me wrong: twitter is genuinely quite useful for disseminating quick bursts of information in crisis, and it's been fucking brilliant for coordinating in both natural disasters and evolving political/social disruption. but it's terrible at detailed, nuanced information sharing)
I don't know where I'm going with all of this necessarily, and I think twitter eating shit and going down in flames is pretty terrible for global democracy even as it is also on a surface level funny as shit. I don't want tumblr to replace twitter, or facebook, or insta, or tiktok, in being the place where everyone lives online. I want tumblr to stay as the little gremlin art ho fandom clown car, and lbr, it probably will. It'll probably never be what twitter is, for better or for worse. who knows if it'll ever be what it was in 2012 again. I like the ecosystem the way it is these days, with way fewer users, most of whom have been around the block more times than we can count, and are too jaded to start shit anymore. but tumblr needs money to survive, and as much as we're all enjoying posting cringe, tumblr's twitter is pulling off a masterwork balancing act luring twitter users over here, and it's working.
tumblr needs to do what it can to survive. we still don't know if all of this effort staff has been putting in these past ~10 months or so will be enough; the writing has been on the wall for years now that if tumblr doesn't find a way to financially justify itself, it won't survive another sale. automattic took a maybe unprecedented (and extremely positive, imo) risk this past year, and has been trusting current staff to listen to user input and implement positive changes, including finding ways to monetize without invading users' privacy, which who knows if the site even has the capability of doing anyway, even now. if we are all very lucky, and are willing to pitch in and treat this place like our community, we might even collectively succeed, and prove to the wider internet that it is possible to run a popular, high-traffic website without compromising user security. if tumblr is doing what I think they're doing, and very carefully building up a secure, socially, financially, and legally defensible way to support adult content on a site with american servers and a place on the app store in the 2020s, then we're off to the races and who knows where we'll go. if twitter does actually implode beyond salvaging, a huge chunk of the world will feel its loss, and many people, including all the normies and politicians and your mom, could very well cast their gaze to the website people wrote off as in its death throes four years ago. they probably won't, but as I was just vividly reminded earlier today, the White House did, in fact, have a tumblr once upon a time. who knows what the future holds.
but John Green deserves an apology, you weeaboo shits.
#tumblr#twitter#important blue checkmark#tumblr crabs#twitpocalypse#our cyberpunk future#megan whines into the empty abyss of cyberspace
224 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Best Day
Dustin Henderson x F!Harrington!Reader
Season 2
warning(s); afab reader. cuteness. fluff.
━━━━━ © hxlyhoax 2022 do not steal, post on third party sites or translate my work. I do not own the rights to Stranger Things or any of the canon characters mentioned.
You smiled softly, looking around the Hawkins Middle School gym. Will Byers had found himself someone to dance with, Max had pulled Lucas onto the dance floor, Mike and Eleven had also found themselves a place in the crowd. Then there was Dustin who was left looking around like a lost puppy.
You frowned at the sight, Watching as he got rejected by everyone he asked. You poured a last cup of punch, passing it off to a random kid you didn't know before looking over to Nancy, smiling as you watched both her and Jonathan joke around.
You looked around the room once again, eyes landing on Mike and Eleven. You smiled, waving at the young girl when you made eye contact. She smiled back waving before her attention went back to Mike. You continued looking around, remembering the first time you attended the snow ball. You were much like Dustin, left without a date, You even remember and cringe at the fact you had to awkwardly dance with Steve due to your parents not wanting you anywhere near boys.
"Yn"
"Hey"
"Hello"
"Yn"
The young boy sighed, staring at you zoned out, he pulled lightly at your dress, watching you jump. "Huh?" you questioned, looking down, relaxing, seeing Dustin holding a playful annoyed expression. "Sorry, Henderson." you pouted, going to pour him a cup. "No, I don't want a drink."
You stopped, tilting your head. "Then what would you like?"
He took a breath, looking over to where Jonathan and Nancy stood, then back to you. "To dance" he mumbled, looking down to the floor. "What?" you questioned, not hearing what he had said.
"Would you like to dance with me?" he asked, looking up to you with hopeful eyes. "I'd love to, Dustin." you smiled, taking his outstretched hand, following him to the dance floor.
You both began swaying back and forth. It was a peaceful quietness between you two for a few moments, before you spoke up. "Wanna hear something embarrassing?"
"What?" the young boy questioned, tilting his head. A small smile came to your face. "The first time I attended this. My parents made me dance with Steve. I was the loser dancing with her brother."
"You're lying," Dustin's eyes widened. "You're lying, That has to be a joke, It's a joke right?"
"I wish it was.' You pouted, chuckling softly as Dustin twirled himself around your arm. "Well now you're the cool cheerleader dancing with the loser middle schooler." he frowned, leaning into you. "Hey, Girls this age are dumb, But give them a few years, and they'll wise up." you smiled, looking down at him. "You'll have them pawning over you in no time."
"You really think so?" he asked, smiling widely. "I know so."
He smiled even wider if that was even possible, pulling you into a hug. You hugged back, rubbing his back, Looking over to your friends who were smiling just as wide. "You're the best dance date ever." Dustin mumbled, pulling away, taking your arm. "Now let's go take a photo."
#dustin henderson#dustin henderson imagine#dustin henderson x reader#dustin henderson x you#stranger things x reader#stranger things x you#harrington!reader#hxlyhoax#hxlyhoax stranger things
221 notes
·
View notes
Text
December update
Happy holidays everyone!
I'm going to change up this monthly update a little, since cost is very much not an issue anymore. I'll still give a quick overview, but it's mostly going to be just a status update of how the re-work is progressing.
You have likely already seen the Tumblr becoming more active again this month, with flash sales being posted as well as dominance results. Work is slowly progressing on getting stuff back up and running.
Below the cut is a bunch of information, but give it a quick read!
The total cost in December was €8.22 post VAT. Essentially, the singular €10 patreon I have covers this entire cost and then some. The cost will likely go up again, a little bit, once the database and storage gets used more as I add stuff. But the major money sink of the website itself is gone now, so there's that!
On that note, I had said that I would stop accepting patreon payments 1st of january, but now that the toolset has made a re-start I'll let the decision fall down to the person that is currently part of it if they wish to continue supporting me.
The new way of hosting the tools using Azure Functions is proving to be very valuable, even though nothing I had made was inherently compatible. So I've been slowly working on completely rewriting the entire toolset, which has come with many challenges and many learning opportunities to say the least.
Tumblr
On the Tumblr side of announcements everything is up and running, it's basically back to how it was. It's also the place where I've had the most interaction with users so it was a semi-priority to get this back up first.
Site/Skin Tester
This entire toolset started its life as a simple skin previewer for my girlfriend so she could sell her skins easier without spending hours providing manual previews to interested folks. Strangely enough, this has now become a much lower priority. The nature of the idea behind a previewer however is something I can definitely build into the ecosystem of Azure Functions.
What I will likely end up doing first though is add a barebones 'site' that will allow things such as the code snippets to be used (the little scripts that allowed things such as coverage checker, color wheel, etc).
Discord
The Discord side however is my next target, some of you might have already noticed either because I have been sharing stuff or you just keep an eye on the source code behind FRTools on GitHub.
My goal with Discord is to make everything work the way it was, to some extend. There are things I cannot do with my new planned setup. The 'Bot' is no longer a 'Bot' that is ever present, instead I am leveraging Discord's /slash command system. This allows me to build a bot that functions as a bot but is not online 24/7. It just gets spun up to handle a command and goes afk again.
Just now I've finally finished the first command to be fully functional, it allows looking up the information of a dragon either by URL (pictured below) or simply by ID.
So there you have it!
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
How did this happen (2)
Okay here is Part 2 of this request! Part 1 is linked. I don’t know how to write short stories apparently 😅😅
Summary: Your secret is finally out, and Billy knows you more than you ever thought you’d let him
Paring: Billy Hargrove x Female reader
TW: mentions of abuse, smoking, cursing
This is my work and I don’t give anyone permission to post it on other sites or claim it as their own
“Get in the DAMN CAR Y/N.”
Billy had pulled out in-front of you. He got out and slammed his fist on the hood of his car, enough that Max flinched in the car. Your body reacted by raising your hands to protect yourself.
“Okay. Okay. I’m sorry.”
You rushed into the back seat and you could feel Billy’s eyes on you. The hurt expression on his face was only visible to Max as he got in. You hunkered down in the backseat, softly crying.
“Y/N…Why are you fucking hiding from me? Why did you run away? What the hell is wrong with you??”
“Because you’re scaring the SHIT out of me Billy!”
Max touched his arm softly trying to tell him now was not the time to have this conversation. She didn’t want to be here for this. He sighed and drove back towards your house, but you spoke up. Tears thick in your throat.
“Please don’t take me home. I’ll go anywhere else.”
Billy knew that plea, hell Max even knew it. Without a word he drove towards the Byers house, knowing he could drop off Max there. The two of you needed to talk. Eventually the red haired girl jumped out of the car and whispered a soft goodbye to you. You’d warmed up significantly and felt almost back to normal. A simple nod at her made Max smile. Billy just started driving, and you had no idea where he was going. You ended up passing out in the backseat, a much more calm rest taking you over.
When you woke, it was dusk, and you were still in Billy’s car. He was outside smoking when you called to him.
“Billy? Where are we?”
He put out the cigarette and hopped in the back with you.
“Dunno. I just drove until there was nothing but field.”
The air was extremely awkward between you two.
“…I stopped at a pay phone. Let Hopper know you’re safe and with me. He called off the search so…ya know. You’re good or whatever.”
“…am I safe with you?”
You flashed back to him slamming the door in your face, to him yelling at you to get in the car and the way he brushed you off. Your voice was so so small when you asked but you needed to know. Billy sighed heavily. He reached for your hands and you pulled back. He deflated.
“I’m sorry about the other day. Neil was drunk as fuck and he was behind the door. I didn’t want you to come in but I couldn’t leave Max at home while he was like that. I…I didn’t know what to do so I just yelled at you.”
That made sense, but you wish he would’ve been nice; but you got it. Still, you remained silent.
“Baby… I’m sorry. I promise you’re safe with me. I’d never hurt you. Please…I said a lot of things I didn’t mean. I just…I didn’t want Neil to come out.”
The Billy you fell for showed up, the honest, vulnerable and scared kid that trusted you. He sat in the back of the car begging for your forgiveness.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be gone for so long. I just…I can’t go home sometimes and I didn’t know where else to go.”
You shifted and leaned on Billy. You felt him relax as he wrapped his arms around you.
“How long?”
“Hmm?”
“How long have you been beaten?”
The question hung in the air, it felt like a funeral. You took a deep breath.
“Pretty much my whole life. I know how to hide it and he knows how to hit where it doesn’t show. I’ve just got one more year and then I’m out of here. I just…he’s going to be so mad after tonight.”
Billy gently pet your head.
“You should have told me.”
“Billy…I couldn’t. Why do you think no one knows anything about me? When we first started dating you couldn’t get any information on me. Why do you think we never go to my house or why I never let you pick me up? If anyone knew…”
“What? People would try to help you? Is that so bad?”
“Why don’t you tell anyone about Neil? It’s the same thing!”
“No it’s not! I can help you!”
“How?? You can’t save me from him!”
“You haven’t given me the option to fucking try!”
“BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU!”
“YOU FUCKING WON’T. GOD DAMN IT Y/N IM IN LOVE WITH YOU JUST FUCKING TRUST ME!”
“I DON’T DESERVE IT!!”
The silence hung in the air. He admitted he was in love with you and you finally said the words you’ve fought back for years. You didn’t deserve love, you weren’t good enough. He sat against the passenger side window and you sat against the drivers side. The space between you two felt like the Grand Canyon. You were crying again and Billy was staring at you wide eyed. You knew what was coming, he didn’t know how to handle this so he was going to just leave you.
“Stop that.”
You tilted your head, confused at what he was telling you to stop.
“I can see you shutting down. I do it every damn day, I know what it looks like.”
Shit. He was right. You were turning everything off, but you needed to. He wasn’t gonna be around for much longer so you needed to prep—
Your thoughts were quieted with a desperate kiss. Billy’s hands on your cheeks, gently pulling your face into his as he locked his lips with yours.
“Never around me. Don’t shut off with me. I can take it. You take my shit, I’ll take yours. Don’t. Shut. Me. Out.”
You rested your forehead against his.
“I don’t know how to let you in Billy.”
“We will figure it out together. I know you want me around. You know I love you. We will get there. God damn it I’ll figure something out.”
He said it again. This time you adjusted your body so you were looking directly at him.
“Why?”
“Fuck if I know Babe. You give me headaches and sometimes I wanna punch a wall, but I know I can’t be without you. When shit goes down I always want you. When I’m on top of the world, I want you. Nothing feels…I don’t know, right I guess? Nothing feels right unless it’s with you. For fucks sake I’m trying to be emotional with you. Six months ago I would have kicked the shit out of a kid at school who acted how I am right now. You just, fuck I don’t know man. You just get me and I love you for it Princess.”
He wasn’t expecting you to say it back, and that was a relief. You didn’t know what love really was, but you wanted Billy to show you.
“Thank you.”
“Stop it. Don’t be weird. Let’s get you back, we need to deal with your dad.”
You chuckled and inhaled deeply.
“Stay with me?”
“Always Y/N….you’ve got me whipped like a bitch.”
He smiled and climbed into the front seat as you laughed. Maybe everything was going to be okay, and if it wasn’t; at least you weren’t alone.
—————————————
That’s the End! As always, constructive criticism is welcome!! Like, comment, reblog! ❤️🖤❤️
Part 1
#billy hargrove#billy hargrove x reader#billy stranger things#billy x reader#stranger things#billy could have been saved#billy x you#billy deserved better#billy hargrove x female reader#billy hargrove x you
374 notes
·
View notes
Text
Unspeakable Love
A Playlist for Obiyuki Do-Si-Do 2023 by @snowwhite-andtheknight
This playlist went through many edits over the year as I discovered new bands (The Beths) and remembered old ones (Mae) but the theme of hiding feelings stayed consistent. The title lyric comes from "The Maze," and I’ve been waiting all year to share these perfect Obiyuki songs! Also looking forward to reading the final companion piece by @jhalya!
Unspeakable Love
Knees Deep- The Beths
My Answer- The Natural Lines
The Maze- Manchester Orchestra
A Scene That Will Never Die- The Natural Lines
Giving It Away- Mae
Do You Want Me Now- The Beths
Alex Bell- The Natural Lines
Telepath- Manchester Orchestra
True Blue- Boygenius
Summary lyrics are posted under the cut:
Knees Deep- The Beths
Watching light through water
I want to bend the way it bends
You slice like a knife through the surface
But what a thrill to see it mend
With no scar, no memory
I'm envious, why pretend I'm not
Wading in up to the ankles
The cold speaks straight to my bones
Whole body and soul hesitation
I am a coward turned to stone
I stay there for centuries
So all of history knows about it
The shame, I wish that I was
Bravе enough to dive in
But I nevеr have been and never will be
I'm coming in hot then freezing completely
The shame, I wish that I could
Say what I've been thinking
But I never have done and never will do
Still only knees deep, I'll never be brave like you
My Answer- The Natural Lines
My answer to the night is maybe
A little danger on the side of a mountain
The flame lit face reveals what’s obvious
We will be strange
We will be perfectly out of place
Maybe we’ll lock eyes
Maybe we’ll meet
Nothing has to happen
Creatures inconceivable
The Maze- Manchester Orchestra
I notice you when you're noticing me
Breaking the habit, you're watching me sleep, oh
Give me some time, let me learn how to speak
I'm a maze to you
First of a thousand to write on the wall
It's only beginning, it's swallowing us
Somebody said it's unspeakable love
It's amazing
You lift that burden off of me
A Scene That Will Never Die- The Natural Lines
Starting at the summer’s end
When the nights get loud
We were searching for the words
The lines that don’t feel like they’ve ever been said before
Sometimes we lose it
Sometimes we don’t end where we meet
The ghosts keep flying overhead
Changes are permanent
Because the chemistry connects
Because you sit in the passenger side
A scene that will never die
Sometimes we lose it
Sometimes we don’t land where we mean
Giving It Away- Mae
By the way you brought me here
It makes me believe that the best is yet to come and I don't want to leave
Forgive my hesitation but I'm learning to trust in you
Help me to dream these dreams because I don't have a clue
If you'd be honest and say what you mean
You know I would promise I'd do anything
Because I know that without you I'm giving it away
You've introduced me to the moment
But I'm looking to stay for good
Do You Want Me Now- The Beths
Just a question that keeps me fast awake
In the dead of night
I'm a condemned site with light on
Tell me what you decide on
Do you want me now?
Or do you wanna leave it out
We can talk about it
I wanna tell you something but I don't know how
Being patient's never been my forte
And your waiting room is hard on my esteem
Alex Bell- The Natural Lines
You were here, you always seem so far away
You’ve become someone out of reach
The seasons keep me running away with myself
I want to get an answer from Alex Bell tonight
I loved your laughter when life seemed impossible
No one wants to hear my silent speech
I’ve become someone out of reach
Telepath- Manchester Orchestra
Told her I don't have a lot, babe, but you can have my soul
Baby, do you want me?
No, no, no
Everyone I know is slowly falling in the ocean
I don't want to be the next to row, I never learned to swim
Baby, do you love me?
No, no, no
In my mind, you are the road I chose to travel
Might as well have been the very last thing I decide
Half the time I'm lost, afraid that you're just borrowed
It don't matter much to me, man, I'm not afraid to die
You're the one I wanted, want now, want when I am old
When I'm falling
True Blue- Boygenius
You say you're a winter bitch, but summer's in your blood
You can't help but become the sun
When you don't know who you are, you fuck around and find out
When you called me from the train, water freezing in your eyes
You were happy and I wasn't surprised
You already hurt my feelings three times
In the way only you could
But it feels good to be known so well
I can't hide from you like I hide from myself
I remember who I am when I'm with you
Your love is tough, your love is tried and true blue
#obiyuki#playlist#snow white with the red hair#akagami no shirayukihime#the beths#the natural lines#matt pond pa#mae#mae band#manchester orchestra#boygenius#had to figure out the natural lines lyrics by myself lol#oops I already used the top part of this panel for obiyuki week#this playlist is kinda a continuation of those feels tho
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Of Skyfall, Sigma, Ian Fleming & James Bond
A personal theory add-on for Skelechuuchuu’s incredible Ian Fleming theory. Please read and give love and support to that original theory here if you have the time!
Hello everyone! At the time of posting this, I’m extremely sick and kinda sleep-deprived right now, so I will probably not be terribly active until I feel better. :’)
Nevertheless, after having a small chat (with a lot of breaks in between :’)) with some cool people in a BSD server, I still wanted to come and drop this little add-on to the recent (and extremely compelling) theory that dropped about Sigma being Ian Fleming (and James Bond-inspired).
As I tend to do best, I wanted to analyze and explain why Skyfall is not only a perfect and crucial choice for the episode name in S4 as OP describes above due to the inseverable tie to James Bond, but also how the lyrics to the tie-in Bond song by this name themselves relate perfectly to Sigma and the events of BSD involving him so far.
I’ll place it below the cut for both S4 spoilers and manga spoilers up to Chapter 106-107 or so! Proceed with caution if you’re worried about spoilers!
Now, without further ado, let’s get to lyric analyzing!
Before we get into the nitty-gritty of analyzing the song lyric by lyric, allow me to start with a more generalized observation:
The overarching theme of the song Skyfall, apart from being obviously intrinsically linked to Bond (given it was made for it), is about bravely facing down the end with those you love, come what may; this is a perfect fit for Sigma, whose whole character is wrapped up in the concept of needing to belong and protect those he loves. In the episode of the same name, he even fights, despite knowing he is “just an ordinary man”, with his whole life to protect his beloved people in the Casino, unafraid of dying because living without them would be meaningless.
(I would also like to note here that at first glance, it might seem to be written almost like a love song, but I feel it’s important to distinguish — especially in the context of this theory — that this is not necessarily the case, and there is one line that upon listening to it, especially seems to almost completely confirm otherwise to me; in the song, it sounds like Adele is saying “all your loving arms”, despite many lyric sites and such claiming otherwise (it is really not uncommon for artists to differ from the original written lyrics from time to time in certain recordings, so I find this rather plausible). Nevertheless, whether or not this is actually correct, the song is ambiguous enough that it can still be taken however one wishes, and I believe that if we apply it to Sigma, the song is not directed towards one person, but towards a group of them.)
I’ll get on to the more intricate stuff of analyzing lyric by lyric in a moment, but before I do I would just like to make one little key statement here before we start, and that is that despite how it seems, I don’t actually believe most of this song was meant to be applied to the casino or the people there; rather, I believe it largely reflects and is about his feelings towards Dazai, Atsushi, and the ADA as a whole.
(Again, I’ll explain this more in a bit, but…there is one particular set of lyrics that truly sets this up for me: “Skyfall is where we start”; obviously, Sigma has had his casino and known the people in it for awhile, from his perspective, but do you know who he does meet in the episode Skyfall, and first starts to find some small measure of hope/consolation in? Atsushi. The ADA.)
Okay, with that in mind, now let’s on to the main bit!
This is the end
Hold your breath and count to ten
In the most recent chapters, Dazai and Sigma are trapped underwater, and literally have to hold their breath to survive. As he runs out of air, Sigma is counting the moments until he can resurface, but fears it may not happen because Dazai seems determined to stop him (for good reason, it turns out)
Feel the Earth move and then
Hear my heart burst again
Being with Dazai and having hope of joining the ADA has shifted Sigma’s world around him, changing his worldview and making his heart explode with genuine hope at all of the kind deeds they’ve performed for him — especially when he realizes Dazai is not trying to kill him by keeping him underwater but protect him.
For this is the end
I've drowned and dreamt this moment
As they’re staying under the water and near out of air to share, Sigma almost fully accepts his fate, thinking to himself that he may die this way, but at least he was able to dream of a beautiful life for once in those few precious moments he shared with the ADA.
So overdue, I owe them
Sigma has waited a long time to have a place to permanently belong and feel loved and cared for, and he feels indebted to the Agency for all they’ve done for him — all their acts of kindness.
Swept away, I'm stolen
When Dazai was given a chance to pick something to take with him in Mersault, he stole Sigma from the DOA completely, and this action also sweeps Sigma away with surprise, hope, and gratitude inside.
Let the sky fall
When it crumbles
We will stand tall
Face it all together
This one is probably pretty self-explanatory; Sigma isn’t afraid of death, as long as he stands with the ADA in hope of a good life, though this attitude also perfectly fits his attitude towards the Casino in the Skyfall ep and how he stood with his people against the Hunting Dogs, unafraid to die for them.
Skyfall is where we start
I already went over this one a bit, but Skyfall is the ep where he and Atsushi (and by extension the ADA) meet for the first time; it’s his start with knowing the ADA — the time when he first experiences true hope that doesn’t involve him being used and discarded in the end.
A thousand miles and poles apart
I think this part is kinda metaphorical to how he at first thinks he and the ADA are on opposite sides, and that they care nothing for him besides forcing him to use his ability; in his eyes, they are worlds apart and he could never even get close to their world of light.
Where worlds collide and days are dark
Yet, in that moment of Atsu trying to save him, Sigma begins to feel they’re not so far apart, after all.
Their worlds collided in that brief moment, on one of his darkest days, and he felt grateful for that, even though he still felt his fate was sealed and that he had to let go of Atsu’s hand to prevent him from tumbling to his death with him.
You may have my number, you can take my name
But you'll never have my heart
I believe this would be directed at everyone else whom had used and abused him up until this point, and, from his perspective, took his memory from him; they can take everything from him, own him, rob him of his true identity, etc., but he will never be one of them. He’ll never truly be a terrorist. His heart belongs in the light — with the ADA; he realizes that now.
Where you go, I go
What you see, I see
As a member of the server we were in, Cloudii, pointed out, I think this could be a reference to how similar Sigma sees himself to Atsushi and vice versa, but I think it could also be a reference to his willingness to follow the ADA (both literally and metaphorically) and with the last line, his ability to gain knowledge of someone else’s knowledge (and thereby in a limited way experiences) through touch.
I know I'd never be me
Without the security
[Of] All your loving arms
Keeping me from harm
Put your hand in my hand
And we'll stand
The lines about “put your hand in my hand, and we’ll stand” in particular strongly remind me of the moment when Atsu tries to save Sigma by holding his hand when he dangled off the casino, and reflects both Atsu’s desire to have him keep holding on and pull him to solid ground, and Sigma’s desire to stand by the ADA and repay them for kindness by using his ability for them right before what he believes will be his death.
That being said, I also think this whole set of lyrics above matches Sigma’s attitude towards the ADA and his determination to stand by them now in general, even in the most dire of times.
He knows that he’ll never get to be who he wants to be and live the life he wants to live, having a place of belonging, an identity, people who love him genuinely, if he doesn’t learn to put his faith in them and trust that they are different from the rest of those who had him before. The ADA seems to love and protect him and so he’ll do his best, ordinary as he feels he is, to stand by them, too, until his last breath — using his ability and whatever else he may have as necessary, as they face down the end of the world as they know it and those who would bring it about together.
Anyway, yeah, that’s my analysis for today! Thank you for reading! Love y’all. 🥺💖
#linklethehistorian#Thoughts#my thoughts#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd spoilers#spoilers#bsd manga#bsd anime#bsd s4 spoilers#bsd s4#Season 4#chapter 71#chapter 106#chapter 107#sigma#Dazai Osamu#sigma bsd#ian fleming#james bond#skyfall#adele#lyrics analysis#theory#bsd theory#i love this theory so much y’all have no idea#i have read a lot of theories on sigma#but this is the one I find truly compelling and likely#whether or not it ever gets revealed in full I will hold this dear for forever#I should review s4 someday
50 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
abscessedanxiety
pus-dripping anxiety
sam-avocado
sup
the-pyooster
Wowzers!!!
j-uurikuran
vampire knight
the-god-of-sun
Phoebus Apollon