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lululawrence · 3 years

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Wordplay 5.0 Reflections

I dunno what else to call it lmao it doesn't sound right to call this a meme, but whatever it is, here we are! lol @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed came up with these questions after @wordplayfics wrapped up last year and I love them so i'm gonna use them for this year as well.

I'm going to start out with listing the prompts and linking the fics i wrote for each one for everyone's reference, though I'll be linking them again through the answers as well. I'm also putting all the questions and answers beneath a read more because, as usual, I rambled lmao Alright! Here we go!

Struggle: I Said It Wrong, But I Meant It Right Reduce: I Love This Feeling (But I Hate This Part) Divide: He Carries The Key Rise: Thou, Sun, Art Half As Happy Sketch: I Heard You Talking

How did you come up with your ideas for the fics? Can you take us through your process after first receiving the prompt?

I don't know that I have a set way I come up with my fic ideas for Wordplay. It all depends on the prompt and what fic ideas I've got on my "to write list" that might fit that prompt. If nothing on my to write list fits or can be tweaked for a prompt, then I just go through my prompts tag until something strikes me for it, or I just ruminate on the different ways the word can be used and see if something comes up.

So, when I did the random word generator for the first prompt and "struggle" was the word that came up, I immediately thought of "struggle bus". lolllll and when I went looking through my to write list, I saw the girl Payneshaw fic I wanted to write and I was like omgggggg Nick ABSOLUTELY is riding the struggle bus the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME and I knew that was my fic for the week. lmaoooo and there you have it.

What is your favorite fic you wrote for Wordplay this year?

oooohhhh this one is HARD AND MEAN lmaoooo i forgot this was a question asked. okay legitimately i cannot choose a favorite because i'm actually stupidly proud and happy with all of the fics i wrote this year.

If you’ve participated in previous years of Wordplay, what has been your favorite prompt from all years you participated in?

WELP. as the creator of this challenge, i've participated in all 5 years which means there've been 25 prompts i've written. lolllll and honestly i think my favorite prompt is STILL from the first year. it was "bloodsucker". like, how great of a prompt is that???

What was the shortest fic you wrote this year? The longest?

the shortest one this year was... I Said It Wrong, But I Meant It Right at 4381 words.

the longest one was... I Heard You Talking at 10580 words.

What fic of yours surprised you?

i think all of them surprised me in some way. that's part of the joy of writing fics, isn't it? lollll but i think the one that surprised me the most was Thou, Sun, Art Half As Happy. it was a last minute change (i'll elaborate in the answer to the next question haha) and it was a VERY different direction than i had planned. it was all based off of a photo i saw on tumblr, and there was no prompt with the photo. i got to just take in the basic idea of the sticker being placed on a bridge overlooking the city and what might make that spot a good kissing spot.

now, as an ace who doesn't actually ENJOY kissing, i... didn't think about the fact that i would be writing a lot of it. lollll i actually have a super hard time writing kisses and trying to make them varied while also relaying the emotional intimacy of the moment, and then add on top of that the fact that once i started writing the fic, both harry and louis let me know pretty much as soon as words started getting written that they were both genderqueer and that worked differently for each of them, so harry would use they/them pronouns and louis would use he/him still, it just made things more interesting. and the way the fic developed??? like, i had a very vague idea of what would happen in the fic. so the way it actually came about all surprised me.

long answer short, from the very start, this fic surprised me and i was just along for the ride. it was a BLAST and i sure do love it, even if it does have the second lowest hits of all the fics i wrote this year haha

Were there any prompts you struggled to find an idea for?

STRUGGLED HAHAHA sorry. just funny since struggle was a prompt this year. ANYWAY. the prompt i had the hardest time with was defo rise. i've had this fic idea ever since greg james tweeted with shawn mendes months ago about how shawn basically forgot his interview with greg on the breakfast show, so greg had to last minute wing a LOT OF AIR TIME AND SHOW CONTENT and he did a great job, but it brought about some funny content... anyway. that made me wanna write a triad a/b/o fic where greg is louis and harry's beta. rise was going to be used in a lot of different ways through the fic, as well. because breakfast show requires greg to rise from bed early, he gets a rise out of harry and louis with his behavior and overt flirtations with shawn, they have to rise above their jealousy, etc etc etc. i was VERY EXCITED.

except i only had three days i was able to write every week this summer, and those were really really difficult to get. if i wanted to write on tuesday or thursday, i was often curling up with my laptop in a dark room with some caffeine and candles burning to soothe me after the insanity that is my life atm, and write for as long as i could before my brain stopped functioning, which was often only around 30 min. but see, that particularly week was the worst part of my son's 18 month sleep regression, which meant instead of him sleeping and letting me write, i was driving him around or trying to rock him back to sleep or letting him play in an attempt to tire him out etc etc etc and by friday morning i had to admit to myself there was no way i could write that a/b/o fic in my one guaranteed evening to write every week (saturday, btw). so i was suddenly left with around 36 hours to find a new fic idea and develop it enough to be able to write it in one evening.

as i said in the answer to the first question, i usually go to my prompts tag to see what might inspire me with this prompt word in mind, but for this one that wasn't the first place i went. i tried looking at more definitions even though i'd done that earlier and nothing was inspiring me. so i then spoke to several friends and was still having a hard time finding any ideas that felt like something i would enjoy writing and could do so quickly.

by saturday morning, knowing i had less than 12 hours to figure out what i was writing so i could actually WRITE IT in only like 2-3 hours of writing time, i finally sat down and scrolled through my prompts tag. once i did, i saw the photo for the "good kissing spot", and i immediately thought of sunrise. so i ran with it. but i wanted to make it stylinshaw, so how would i work that in, etc etc etc. it was just very fast and very difficult trying to figure out how i would structure it so it could be a fun meet cute kind of fic, but also work into them actually building a meaningful connection etc and... well. it was a lot. haha so yeah, it was just a hard time overall that week, but i'm super proud of it in the end.

Were there any prompts you had an idea for but ended up writing something different? If so, what made you choose to change what you wrote? Do you think you’ll ever write your original idea at a later date?

HA okay well i already answered most of this above, but for the last part of this question, yes i will absolutely write my original idea at a later date. the whole reason i decided not to do it wasn't because i couldn't turn it into a fic that could be written in that one writing session, but because i had hopes for what that fic would be, and i didn't want to shorten and condense it enough to do that. i didn't want to have to lessen the dreams i have for that fic in my head, so i decided i would just put it back on my to write list and save it for later. who knows when, but that fic will absolutely get written.

What do you think was the most difficult as well as the easiest part about the Wordplay Challenge?

most difficult was 100% finding the time to write. that was insanely hard for me all summer, but by the time wordplay was going, things at home had ramped up to being very overwhelming regarding the demands on me and my time, and what i had been doing to carve out some time for myself and writing wasn't working anymore, so i had to adjust even more with the understanding that i was working on a really strict timeline too. so yeah. just finding the time was absolutely the hardest part for me.

easiest part was the actual writing. these fics really flowed from me, outside of the pack fic, that one was actually pretty difficult to make sure i was getting the dynamics exactly the way i wanted to have them turn out, but even with that aspect, it still was like it flowed from me most of the time. these fics really just took over and i was along for the ride. it was a blast.

If you participate again next year, is there anything you’ll do differently? If so, what?

lmao well assuming people still want wordplay to happen again, i'll run it again and very likely will take part. so... with the difficulty i had in finding any time to do anything this summer, i was actually ridiculously stressed when it came to the writing part, but also the modding aspect of it. so i am not sure that i'll run it during the summer again next year. i might have it go during the early fall once school is back in session so i at least have only one child at home instead of three to battle lol so that's one thing i'll hopefully be doing differently.

as for the writing aspect, i don't think so actually. i've done 5 years of this, and i'm having fun with it. haha if i ever find a fic idea i think could work for it, i would consider doing a series for it next year, but it all depends on if there's something i'd like to write that could work for that kind of set up with this challenge.

if you made it this far, thank you for reading!!! xxx

#wordplay 5.0 #writing stuff #my fics #mine

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peaches-writes · 4 years

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how to appease your asian aunties ch. 3 - spring break

* icym: this was prev. a guide to social gatherings but i changed the title bc i still think i’m funny that way

description: in the immortal words of blood-related aunts and aunts you’re not even related to but forced to call your aunt at reunion parties, “do you have a boyfriend?” member: jisung / han genre: fluff, fake dating au, implied rich kids au, eventual childhood / best friends to lovers au, college au, implied fem reader (but i still used they/them pronouns) word count: 5.4k chapter warning: food, a conversation calling out toxic asian family culture oops note: i’m not confident with this one bc i had to re-write this two times (?) with diff. plot directions + srsly idk what happened here what was the point am i ok + i didn’t post this accidentally this time !!!!

ch. 1 // ch. 2 // series masterlist

After seeing you and Jisung interact during your trip to the mall, your mom has started loving this new idea of you dating one of her close friends’ sons so much that she has not-so-discreetly started conspiring with Mrs. Han in order to see the two of you together as much as possible. From invitations for snacks and drinks at one’s house every day after school to whole-day activities on the weekends (usually to the mall or the cinema), it didn’t take long before you and your own best friend put two and two together and conclude that your respective moms have somewhat developed an auntie type of obsession over your fake relationship.

This idea that your moms would love you and Jisung together so much to this extent initially flew past your head when you started this fake relationship last Christmas. You were only thinking of casually fake dating your best friend, after all; such arrangement ideally confined only in social gatherings where invasive relatives and family friends ask about your love life endlessly. You genuinely did not expect that that Jisung would start tagging along to you and your parents’ Sunday movie dates and side with your dad every time you disagree on your selected movie’s ending; or that you would not be parting ways with Jisung after school anymore when you reach your house and he has to drive another block to get to his.

But for the most part, you’ve decided as the weeks fly by with this new added twist in your everyday, it’s fun and, even at times, cute. Though Mrs. Han dotes on you more now, like you’re her own child, and your mom is starting to be more talkative around Jisung since they now have you to talk about, you still get to eat snacks either your mom or Mrs. Han made, hog the extraordinarily fast wifi at Jisung’s house, and get free movie tickets and shopping bags from when you’re going out with the other’s family on the weekends. Plus, it’s made your workaholic mom come home earlier just to see you and Jisung lounging in your living room and Mrs. Han’s worries lessen now that Jisung’s busy with something else that isn’t academics or whatever it is he does with his Bumble and Tinder apps.

At times, it’s tiring having to hang out with your best friend under the guise of a couple, especially when you didn’t really plan for it to be this way, but you can’t deny that there are perks to it.

So, you wait more patiently for Jisung every day after your classes now even when he usually takes a lot of detours to see his friends before driving over to you on the other side of campus. You still hang out with your friends, Ryujin and Chaeryeong, after classes, of course, but you part ways with them just a little bit earlier now to anticipate Jisung’s Convertible pulling up in front of your building and unnecessarily yelling at you to get in even when he’s the one awfully late.

Because if you were to choose between your other best friends and a free expensive snacks, you’d always choose the latter without fail.

“You know,” Chaeryeong comments next to you on this particular Friday, stretching her legs down to the steps below you three while you scroll through your phone and Ryujin naps on your shoulder with her earphones still plugged in. “if I didn’t know that you’re ditching us earlier for free fake dating food, I would’ve thought that you and squirrel boy were seriously dating.”

“You always think we’re dating either way.” You roll your eyes, not even sparing a glance at the smug grin on her features. “Anyway, aren’t you happy we’re ‘dating’ now? It’s what you’ve always hoped for but, you know, fake.”

Only then do you turn to Chaeryeong over your shoulder, also scrolling through her social media on her phone. She meets your gaze after with a scrunched up nose and furrowed eyebrows. “Hm,” She pretends to contemplate, placing her index finger up to her chin. “I don’t know. I think I’ll have to wait until someone caves and you actually develop feelings for each other—like in books!”

“Seriously?” You deadpan with pursed lips, only making her laugh. “Of all things you could bring up.”

Chaeryeong shrugs in response with a knowing smile, chuckling when your expression doesn’t change. “You never know!” She replies in her defense, laughing all the way. “You did say after break that you’re just going to fake date if there’s an event but it’s Spring Break tomorrow already and you’ve been fake dating every day since classes started again.”

“Sounds like a romantic trope to me.” She comments last teasingly before you can even interject, swiftly dodging your hand when you reach up to try and smack her. Literature majors, really.

“For one, I don’t want to date Jisung, I’ve seen enough of him my whole life for that and I don��t think I’m in the mood to date in general. And besides, we’re only a ‘couple’ at home when someone’s mom is watching.” You counter as you retract your free hand back to your side, alternating your gaze between her and your other hand with your phone. Jisung’s last message is that of him informing you that he’s making a quick stop at the International Relations department today to hand Hyunjin his books ten minutes ago. Knowing him, if he didn’t get lost or got distracted by a kiosk selling coffee, he’s probably on his way now. “And you know I love free stuff, it just happens to come only if I hang out with Jisung these days.”

“So what happens when you ‘break up’? And I don’t mean the cute perks from the aunties.” Chaeryeong asks next, leaning back on her propped elbows now that the stairs going up to your college building have started to cool down from being exposed to the sun the entire day. “I mean, it’s back to normal for us as your friends—I do miss not having to remind my parents that you’re a couple now—but your moms are going to think it’s weird that you suddenly broke up and went back to being friends like nothing happened.”

“I already told you and everyone else, we’ll think about that when it happens.” You shrug both at her and the nagging thought in your mind that she has a point.

“And when exactly will that happen?” She prods on, smiling smugly at knowing that you and Jisung never talked about this certain part of your current predicament clearly. “‘Dating until everyone doesn’t think of Jisung as a fuckboy or when aunties stop offering blind dates’ sounds vague to me.”

You see Chaeryeong’s smile grow bigger when you don’t answer immediately, accidentally letting time pass until Jisung’s gray Convertible pulls up steps below you with an obnoxious honk.

“Y/N, my mom bought gelato today!” Jisung yells at you from his roofless car, his radio blasting Bermuda Triangle at an embarrassingly loud volume. “Let’s go!”

You then quickly shake Ryujin awake in response, gently moving her to Chaeryeong’s legs when her eyes open, before standing up and waving goodbye at your two friends. “Like I said, I’ll let you know when it happens.” You hurriedly conclude your conversation with Chaeryeong with a triumphant smile, making her roll her eyes. “See you after the break!”

Chaeryeong only shakes her head in disbelief, easily letting you go from her interrogation with a wave goodbye. “You be careful now, hm? Have fun with your ice cream, then!”

You chuckle as you run down the stairs, waving your hand up for her as you move away without sparing a last glance. “Don’t worry, I’ll take pictures!” At this, you open the front passenger seat to Jisung’s car and smoothly slide in, haphazardly discarding your backpack next to his at the back before closing the door next to you. “Hey, ugly. Glad you didn’t get lost on campus.”

“Speak for yourself, ugly.” Jisung teases back, shifting the car’s gear back to ‘Drive.’ “How was your day? You three look so bored out of your mind there.”

"Better now that we’re going to eat ice cream at home.” You put your seatbelt on as Jisung now drives the car home, reaching over to the radio in between the two of you after and lowering the volume. “Classes were tiring as usual. What flavors did auntie get, by the way?”

Jisung almost makes the wrong turn with your choice of words, quickly gathering his thoughts and shaking his head. “Fu—u-um, Ferrero, strawberry, and mint choco, that’s what she texted me.” He shrugs, making the correct turn to the nearest campus gate this time.

From the corner of his eyes, you nod with a hum as you sink back in your seat, completely missing the way you unconsciously caught him off-guard even with the screech of the car tires. “Oh, cool—no pun intended there.” You chuckle to yourself, leaning to the opposite side now to watch the college buildings pass by. “We’re watching The Conjuring 2, right?”

“Yeah.” Jisung scoffs, brushing off what remains of his sudden nervous feeling with the comment. “Tch, cool.”

Like every Wednesday and Friday that Mrs. Han prepares you after school snacks and drinks, you and Jisung go through tubs of ice cream and tumblers of water while a horror film is projected on the television of the Han’s ground floor living room. Mrs. Han, who has her office day off on Fridays, would occasionally drop by and either ask if the two of you need anything or comment on her distaste for horror under her breath.

“Oh, oh, dear.” She clutches her pearls dramatically, much like her son would, as she passes by for the sixth time to go to the kitchen and catches another glimpse of The Conjuring in the process. She then turns to you and Jisung after to calm her nerves, catching you still sprawled across the sofa with your legs lazily piled on top of Jisung’s.

Of course she’s seen you in the same position before in the few times you came over as one of Jisung’s friends but the sight now seems different under the guise that you and her son are a couple. Typical mom.

“Hi, auntie!” You greet her when you catch her from the corner of your eye also for the sixth time, waving your empty spoon in greeting with one hand while the other blindly reaches for Jisung’s laptop on the coffee table to pause the movie. Jisung hides his face under a throw pillow at this, already having enough of his mom snooping around for today and you giving her the time of day. Since when did you get comfy with his mom, anyway? “Do you need anything?”

Mrs. Han immediately shakes her head with a dismissive wave and smile. “Ah, nothing, I was just checking up on you two!” She clarifies again. “Do you need anything? Extra pillows? More water?”

You shake your head politely, holding up the water tumblers on your other side reassuringly. “We’re good but thank you!”

At this, Mrs. Han clasps her hands together in satisfaction. “Alright, if you need anything, I’ll be in the kitchen, then!” She concludes, taking a step back from the door frame. “You’re staying for dinner, right, Y/N?”

You glance over at Jisung, prying the throw pillow away from his face enough to see him shaking his head and making you feign a teasing frown for his mom. “You don’t want me to stay over dinner, babe?” You taunt with a smile, chuckling when he pushes the pillow back onto his face. Turning to Mrs. Han, you add, “I think Sung doesn’t want me staying for dinner, auntie, but I’ll gladly stay over if you want me to; anyway, my parents are coming home late today.”

“What? Oh, he’s just being shy!” Mrs. Han dismisses with another wave of her hand. “Please do stay for dinner. I’ll text your mom for you too.”

“Alright, if you say so.” You nod, giving her your sweetest smile now. “Thank you so much!”

With that, Mrs. Han then bids you goodbye and proceeds to the kitchen. When the sound of her stilettos fades outside the living room, Jisung removes the throw pillow in front of his face with a groan, scooting closer to you until his shoulders bumped into yours. “My mom, seriously.” He then smacks you on the shoulder with the throw pillow as you press ‘play’ on his laptop again. “Ya, are you seriously dining with us tonight?”

You kick his legs under yours in response. “I think it’s cute, it’s not like she caught us doing something weird.” You shrug in his mom’s defense. “And yes, I’m staying over because your mom is clearly cooking tonight and I can’t say no to an offer and free food.”

“I’ll have to get back at you when we’re back at your house on Monday.” He counters back, shamelessly dipping his spoon on the mint chocolate ice cream in your hands. As he bites on the small chocolate drops on the ice cream, a thought then crosses his mind and he asks, “Wait, are we still hanging out on Spring Break?”

You turn to him, swatting his hand belatedly before taking a big chunk of his strawberry ice cream. “I don’t know, my mom hasn’t mentioned anything and I don’t think my parents have any plans of going on vacation this break.” You answer truthfully before eating the spoonful of ice cream. “What about auntie?”

“Nothing from her too.” He shakes his head. “Though we’re definitely going on vacation this Break—my dad really wants to check out the new Jeju hotel.”

“When are you coming home?”

“Friday night, I think? We leave on Sunday.” He answers, taking a sip of water now that the taste of ice cream is now making his mouth feel sticky. He takes note of how you used the same word again, recovering quicker this time before he could even choke. “So we’re definitely not hanging out on those days.”

You hum against another spoonful of ice cream, this time from the Ferrero ice cream in the small gap between the two of you. “I mean, it’d be nice to be away from you for once—we’ve literally been joined to the hip after classes and most weekends since the New Year—but that would mean no free food which would be a shame; I really like your mom’s cooking.”

“Ouch, I didn’t know you don’t like spending more time with me just for me.” He clutches his chest dramatically, hugging the throw pillow again. “I thought you’d like this since I was away for a year.”

“We barely hung out before you even left.” You chuckle in amusement, grabbing the pillow from him again and this time lazily discarding it to the other end of the sofa. “I already thought you’re annoying the rare times we hung out before. Now, you’re just the bane of my existence.”

Next to you, Jisung laughs along belatedly, holding his ice cream tub away when you try and take another spoonful of strawberry from him. “Yeah but I’m the bane of your existence that you’re ‘dating’ in front of the aunties for free stuff and them leaving you alone.” He points out, giving in to you after when you almost topple over the Ferrero ice cream and handing you his strawberry ice cream. “So you can’t really complain.”

You roll your eyes as you exchange tubs of ice cream. In front of you, a jump scare goes unnoticed as you pay more attention to Jisung anticipating what your next words would be. “I’m grateful,” You clarify in a mumble as you chew on the ice cream. “But you’re still annoying as hell.”

“Not like you’re any better.” He rolls his eyes with another playful laugh, shifting in his seat. “Yeah, I think we shouldn’t hang out on Spring Break: we’re going to ‘break up’ if we keep meeting too much at this point.”

This time, it’s you who gets another thought at this comment. Shifting in your seat as well so you’re now facing Jisung, you ask in a change of topic, “Right, I meant to ask: when exactly are we ‘breaking up’?” You raise an eyebrow at him when his eyes widen in confusion. “It’s just that Chaeryeong and I were talking about it a while back and it had me thinking.”

“Hm? I thought we’ll do it a little after Chan and Miyoung’s wedding.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “There aren’t many events after that and I’m sure the aunties won’t bother you for a while since you’ll start working.”

“And if they do?” You ask back curiously. “Starting work at your own parents’ company while going through a ‘break-up’ doesn’t exactly guarantee a free pass from blind dates—remember the last time Yeji had a relationship the aunties knew about?”

“Right, that was quite chaotic.” Jisung replies, keeping his spoon in his mouth now instead of eating more ice cream as the unexpected question actually catches him off-guard. “But, I don’t know. I guess we can keep going a little longer after the wedding, until the aunties have someone else to bother or, you know—if you end up liking someone else.”

You then catch Jisung’s eyes light up at this idea and you hear him quickly add, “Hey, how about that?” He then removes the spoon from his mouth, placing his ice cream down in between the two of you. “You don’t have to worry about your elders and we don’t have to fake date anymore.”

“Actual dating?” You furrow your eyebrows. Jisung nods at this. “You know how I feel about that. I don’t think I want that for myself right now given the changes that are going to happen after we graduate.” You wave your hands around now, setting your ice cream and spoon down before sinking back in your seat. “And I especially don’t want that just for the sake of getting people to mind their own business; it’d be like giving in to the pressure in a way.”

You glance over at Jisung to see him nodding thoughtfully now, an unfamiliar look crossing his features before he meets your gaze and comments, “Okay, that’s fair—but we both know it’d be too troublesome to fake date for a long time.” He then sighs, sinking into his own spot and leveling with your gaze.

Suddenly, you feel a shift in the air around you as Jisung sets his ice cream down on his other side. “Aish, don’t you just wish you can talk back to older people?”

“Yeah.” You nod in agreement this time, pursing your lips. The air suddenly felt sincere now, a bit comical since the people keep screaming on the television in front of you but, for some reason, you don’t feel like laughing because Jisung isn’t despite obviously having the same thoughts. “I mean, we all know that the talks about dating and career and everything else are often in good-nature but a lot of times they’re just invasive and a bit rude.”

When Jisung doesn’t reply as quickly, you nudge his shoulder and add, “I especially think of the time you told some of the parents during Yeji’s birthday about your plans to study in Malaysia and how negatively they received it because they think you won’t graduate on time and that you should just finish college quickly and work.” Jisung’s eyes widen in surprise this time. “They don’t know how hard you work in your studies or how you really wanted to go abroad and explore and I really wanted to scold them for it.”

“Y-You still remember that?” He asks in disbelief, earning him a casual nod from you.

“Of course,” You confirm, your free hand unconsciously balling into fists on your lap at the memory. “I’ve never wanted to yell at my mom’s friends until that point even when you tried laughing it off so I’m glad you proved them wrong when you came back during Christmas and impressed them when they asked about it again.”

You see Jisung chuckle under his breath shyly, tearing his gaze at you for a moment. “You mentioned that night that you were annoyed. I never knew you were this annoyed.” He muses out loud. “Thanks.”

“Thinking about it now, I feel a bit bad,” You point out after, heaving a frustrated sigh. “You’re keeping up with fake dating me even though it just started as a little joke last Christmas to protect me in a way but I couldn’t stand up to you two years ago.”

Looking up at Jisung, he grins at you reassuringly and shakes his head, effectively easing the atmosphere back into being more lighthearted. “No, it’s okay.” He dismisses your frown. “Just knowing what you really thought then is fine already.”

“And,” He shifts in his seat after, transferring the tubs of ice cream in between the two of you now to his other side so he can scoot closer. “I get free food every other day from your mom because we’re ‘dating’ so it’s nothing, really.”

You scoff when he breaks out into laughter. “Right, of course.” You deadpan before breaking out into genuine laughs yourself. “What was I even thinking, talking about sincere things with you?”

The two of you laugh for a while, even more when Jisung pretends to complain that you just 'wasted’ the last act of the movie talking about ‘mushy stuff.’

“Stop complaining, dummy,” You smack his elbow, sitting up properly now as the credits begin to roll. “you entertained my rants instead of stopping me so it’s your fault too.”

“Because you brought up something of mine from two years ago!” He protests before moving away to gather all your scattered snacks to the coffee table, laughing in disbelief all throughout. “I had to respond or it’d be rude!”

You only roll your eyes at him, making the two of you laugh even harder. You then lean back on the sofa, stretching your hands above your head and removing your legs off of Jisung while he disconnects his laptop from the television and closes both electronic gadgets.

Turning to you, after, you see his laughs turn into a small sincere smile once again. “But seriously,” He says, glancing back at you from his shoulder. “Thanks.”

“For?” You prod him teasingly, earning you a groan of frustration from him.

“For almost getting mad at the elders?” He jokes back with a raised eyebrow before going back to being sincere again. “Nah, for being understanding with me and my choices.”

“Of course,” You reply casually. “even if we joke around a lot, you’re one of my best friends—well, as if I had a choice in that, you know me too well and too long.”

“Way to ruin the moment.” He frowns at you in feigned disappointment, making you chuckle, until another thought crosses his mind. “And, Y/N?”

“Hm?” You look up expectantly at him.

“We have to break up some time after the wedding but I’ll still try and protect you,” He clears his throat awkwardly. “from the ‘rude’ and ‘invasive’ comments after, I mean. You should do whatever you want to do freely and date seriously when you want, not when older people pressure you into it.”

At this, your gaze softens at him visibly, even more when he doesn’t make other hints that he’s joking. “Thank you.” You mumble, just loud enough for only him to hear when you see Mrs. Han pass by the hallway again. “You should too, you know, do whatever you want and date whenever you want to.”

Jisung opens his mouth to speak but, behind him, you catch a glimpse of Mrs. Han suddenly returning to the hallway and stopping by the living room entrance again, waving at you and unintentionally cutting her son off. “Y/N, Sungie, dinner’s ready!” She informs you before Jisung could even get a single syllable out, making him purse his lips in annoyance with his face hidden from his own mom’s view. “Y/N, I already texted your mom, by the way, and she said it’s fine that you stay over for dinner.”

You turn to the side and nod at Mrs. Han, chuckling when you see Jisung hiding his hands on his lap and exaggeratedly curling his fingers up in frustration. “Thank you, auntie! We’ll be right there!” You assure her, smiling up at her until she disappears back to the opposite direction of the kitchen.

Turning back to Jisung, you swat his finger tips back into relaxing with a laugh. “Guess we have to go back to adhering to the system and fake dating for now, though.” You conclude with a giggle, standing up from the sofa and fixing your clothes. “What were you going to say before your mom barged in?”

After a moment of silent contemplating, Jisung ends up shaking his head and following you, gathering the tubs of ice cream in his hands. “It was nothing.”

“Really?” You ask, elbowing him gently before picking up your water tumblers from the sofa. “Come on, tell me.”

“It’s nothing, seriously.” Jisung assures you with a laugh, walking ahead of you out of the living room and turning around to see you catch up. “Come on, leech, dinner time.”

You bump his shoulder with a laugh when you manage to catch up with him, “Shut up, you’re also a leech.”

“But not on this day, you’re in my house.” He corrects.

Dinner with the Hans regrettably passes too soon even with all of Mrs. Han’s questions on your school life and post-college plans; and Mr. Han bringing up embarrassing and, at times, even exaggerated stories from when you and Jisung were children. When Mr. Han is suddenly forced to retreat back into his home office to attend to a minor emergency (hastily bidding you and Jisung goodnight) and Mrs. Han managed to win in your argument over you helping her and the house helpers to do the dishes, the old grandfather clock at the house entrance strikes quarter to 9 PM which prompts Jisung to offer you company in walking back home.

“Yes, how thoughtful of you, Sungie! Do walk Y/N home!” His mom comments with a proud grin as she shoos you out of the kitchen. “I’ll see you after Spring Break, Y/N, okay?”

You nod, giving her one last side hug, careful of the dish washing liquid bubbling up on her pink gloves. “Have fun on your trip to Jeju, auntie!”

“I’d ask you to come along if it didn’t turn out so last minute, I did mention it on New Year” She jokes, much to Jisung’s horrified face. “Oh, Sungie, what’s that look for? Don’t you want Y/N to go on a trip with us next time?”

You giggle nervously, pulling away from the hug after and taking a step back to Jisung’s side. “Maybe next time, auntie? I have lots of deadlines this break, anyway.”

“Ya!” Jisung hisses at you discreetly, pouting again that you’re entertaining his mom’s antics. You only elbow him in response.

In front of you, Mrs. Han seriously contemplates on the idea before waving her drier glove. “Yes, it is quite last-minute right now since we leave on Monday.” She smiles fondly. “Next time, it is, then!”

“Okay, that’s enough planning for a future trip!” Jisung quickly interjects before you can humor his mom longer, placing an arm over your shoulder and turning you around to face the open door leading outside. “It’s getting late and I have to walk back here on my own after!”

You wave back at Mrs. Han, laughing when she rolls her eyes at her son before bidding you one last goodnight. “Goodnight, auntie!”

With that, Jisung gently pushes you into a run out of his house, haphazardly closing the door behind him and directing you across the front lawn, to their gates, then, finally, to the dimly-lit streets of your subdivision. You’re only pulled to a stop when Jisung almost pushes you to a car parked on the house across his, making you laugh.

“Ya, we didn’t have to run out so fast!” You protest, clutching your stomach with one hand while the other hits his side. “My stomach hurts.”

“You keep entertaining my mom’s ideas!” He playfully whines back in between tired pants, catching his breath quickly before throwing an arm over your shoulder. “If you’ll keep going like this, you might actually become best friends!”

You scoff, keeping his arm on your shoulder anyway as the two of you now walk to the direction of your house. “Watch your words, Han Jisung, or it might actually happen.” You warn him teasingly, adjusting your backpack on your shoulder. “Besides, I was just doing what you were doing on New Year—how did you call it?—’earning points.’”

“I also told you then that my mom already likes you so much,” He pouts, easily pulling you flush against him when a lone car passes by. Instinctively, he then moves you to his other side so he’s walking closer to the road. “You’re just going to be more annoying at this point.”

“Well, I like your mom, too, so I’m going to be extra annoying from now on,” You grin mischievously. “maybe until we ‘break up’ then everything’s going to be awkward for a while.”

Glancing over at Jisung from your side, you see him genuinely frown momentarily before sighing in feigned defeat. “Fine, do whatever you want.”

You want to ask him about the sudden frown but you end up shrugging it off as you cross the street to get to the right turn at the intersection. With the new direction you’re walking into, Jisung shifts you to his other side again.

“You know, it’s not like some car’s going to crash into us,” You move to his other side anyway and swiftly dodging another offer of him slinging his arm over your shoulder. “We’re inside the village? Where the speed limit is 20 kph?”

Jisung scoffs, dropping his arm back to his side “Your house is on your side of the street, dumbass, that’s why I moved you there.” And, as if on cue, you see your own house slowly coming into view among the towering gates and trees. “That little heart-to-heart talk we had must be getting to you, huh?”

“As if.” You elbow his side in retaliation, your backpack hitting his back slightly in the process which only fuels his teasing more.

“Aren’t you glad I’m here to walk you home?” He asks with a grin, just as you reach your gates. “Imagine if you got lost when we’re literally a block apart.”

“I hope the dog next door escapes and chases you back home,” You groan, walking a few steps ahead to open the smaller entrance on your gate with your key.

Behind you, Jisung only laughs, unfazed, before walking over to your side again and extending his arms out for a hug. “Okay, sorry,” He grins halfheartedly. “Come here, goodbye hug.”

You raise an eyebrow at him, swinging your gate open with one hand and stepping one foot on the other side. “What do you mean? My mom’s inside.”

“Yeah, but I haven’t hugged you alone in a while.” He points out while tilting his head sideways, earning him a genuine look of confusion from you.

“Ya, it’s not like we don’t hug platonically before all this.” He adds with a shaky snicker before pouting. “I’m going to get s—”

“Okay, fine.” You scoff with a small smile, stepping outside again to hug him. “Look who’s getting all mushy now.”

“Yeah, yeah,” He shakes his head against your neck, reluctantly pulling away from you after a while. Rubbing the nape of his neck bashfully, he adds, “It’s just that—everything’s been a bit different now since I got home.”

“It’s mostly your fault—”

“—I know and I don’t regret it,” He interjects quickly, wiping the smug smile of your face. “since I’m doing it to get you away from creepy guys but it’s just us now and I sort of...miss being casual.”

Your frown tugs upwards into a sincere smile as you lean back against the gates. “We are casual. It’s just that people are looking now.”

“Can we hang out sometime?” He suggests with hopeful eyes. “just us, like old times.”

“You call it old times like it wasn’t just two years ago,” You point out, chuckling now. “But—sure.”

Jisung nods with a big grin now, excitedly shifting his weight on his feet. “So, see you after the Break?”

“Buy me something nice from Jeju then we can talk.” You conclude, stepping inside now completely. “Night, Sungie.”

“Hm, goodnight.”

When you accompany one of the Han’s family drivers to fetch Jisung and his parents at Incheon International Airport exactly a week later, you only expected to see the box of imported chocolate snacks Jisung promised to buy you as the only unfamiliar thing that you’ll see, maybe even an entirely new carrier with Mrs. Han’s vacation haul if she did actually spent more time shopping than working.

What you genuinely did not expect, upon finally spotting your best friend and his parents waiting for you at crowded Seattle’s Best, is him holding more than just your box of chocolates.

“Hey?” You wave at Jisung in confusion as you stop right in front of him. To your right, you catch a glimpse of the family driver, Mr. Yoo, greeting Mr. and Mrs. Han on the next table before obligingly taking their luggage cart. “Who’s this little angel?”

Only then do you notice the two other unfamiliar people with Jisung’s parents, eyeing you curiously and whispering to Mrs. Han, probably to ask who you are.

Jisung waves his hand at you once before transferring the same hand over the nape of his neck, “Y-Yeah, um, this is—”

But before he could even finish and maybe even explain, the little girl on his lap shifts in her place and jumps to stand in front of you. “Hello!” She grins sweetly in slightly broken Korean, waving one hand at you while the other clutches Jisung’s bear plushie. “I’m Kitty!”

“Oh, hi, Kitty!” You bend your knees slightly to level with her gaze hidden behind round eyeglasses, briefly sparing a glance at Jisung after and raising an eyebrow at him before smiling again at the little girl. “I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you!”

“It’s nice to...m-meet you!” She politely returns the gesture, hugging Jisung’s bear plushie shyly after and making your heart skip a beat. “Will you also live with us?”

“At home?” Your furrow your eyebrows deeply now, standing up properly and turning to Jisung who you then belatedly notice has stood up as well and slung his backpack and Kitty’s over his shoulder. “Sung?”

Jisung stands next to Kitty and places a hand behind her back, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Kitty’s going to live with us for a while.”

ch. 4 // series masterlist

tags: @t-toodumbtocare @sandaigdigan-reads @pwarkhans @ruellelix @malai-barfi @mahalau @milkywayfelix @qweens-stuff @tenclouds @crscendoforsung @verobibble

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pixiegrl · 3 years

Text

I’m Back in My Body

Luke has a conversation with KayKay that pushes him to re-consider his own gender identity.

Hello all. This was born out of @daydadahlias and I chatting about KayKay in their latest fic and Jess reminded me of part of this series, where I had KayKay come out as non-binary and in turn, it helped Luke come out as non-binary. KayKay uses she/they pronouns and Luke uses he/they pronouns. So thank Jess for pushing me to finish this part of the series. I’ve been thinking about Luke’s gender in this series for a while and Jess gave me the push i needed to explore it.

Big thanks to @tigerteeff for many things: the original push to write this series, to keep going with this series, for the encouragement of having Luke and KayKay be non-binary. Heath has inspired many parts of this series and I love them for it. Also thanks to @lifewasradical, for the help on this doc and the constant love and support I really wouldn't be half the writer I am without you I love you thanks for putting up with me. And to Mandie, Molly, Brooke and Meg for reminding me to do what I love and listening to me while I ranted about writing. Love you guys.

on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29793279

As far as days go, it’s a pretty average Tuesday. Ashton’s out doing some music things with his friend Matt and Michael and Calum are doing their own weird MikeyandCal things that had sounded vaguely close to sexual. Luke had pouted about being left until Ashton had kissed him and told him it was healthy to spend time apart. Luke doubts it, but it also gives him some free time to go hang out with (harass) Sierra and KayKay at the store.

Luke shows up close to noon, blowing through the door in a floral sundress and heeled gold boots. It had been one of those mornings, when Luke had looked at all of his pants and felt uncomfortable at the thought of anything masculine. The weather’s nice enough for sundresses now, a relief to Luke’s scratchy brain when he’d put it on. It’s a dress Sierra recommended once, all soft pinks and bright flowers and he wants Sierra to see it.

Sierra’s standing at the counter, clicking around on her laptop. She grins when she spots Luke, waving him over.

“Luke! Just the person I was hoping to see. I’m putting the final touches on those photos you wanted for Ashton’s gift. Come look!” She waves him over. Luke grins, crossing the store to lean over the counter and look at her computer.

Luke looks good in them, propped up and posed on the couch they’d used, in his bed (which had taken some convincing to get Ashton out of the house long enough without him suspecting what was going on). Luke looks soft and delicate, pink lips and soft curls and wrapped in lace and bows.

“They look so good, Si. How’d you manage to make me look so good?”

“Thank KayKay. Without them taking the photos, they wouldn’t look so good. I can only do so much in editing. You’re easy to photograph and KayKay took such good photos of you.”

“I’m not a particularly good model. KayKay’s just really good.”

“Give yourself some credit Luke,” Sierra says, smacking Luke on the arm. He blushes.

“Where is KayKay anyway?”

“In the back. Why don’t you go see them?” Sierra says, going back to the laptop. Luke nods, rounding the counter and going behind the curtain. KayKay’s sitting at the table in the back on a computer. KayKay glances up at Luke and that’s when he notices the name badge. It has KayKay’s name on it, but under that is listed they/them. Luke stops.

“Hey Luke,” they say smiling, holding their hand out to Luke. Luke sits down next to them, looking down at the name badge.

“Hey KayKay. Sierra was just showing me the photos. Are the pronouns new?” Luke blurts out, questions running through his mind.

“No. Some days are just more they days and today is one of them, so I put my pronouns on my nametag. No confusion that way.”

“What do you mean they days?”

“I’m non-binary Luke. Sometimes I have days where I feel comfortable being a woman and some days I don’t feel gender connected at all.”

“I...I didn’t know about that,” Luke says, quietly. The words stick with him, something about the feeling about them sitting heavy in his chest. He can’t place what it is about what KayKay’s said that’s sticking with him, but he’s just on the edge of it as he stares at their face.

“Did you really not know I was non-binary?”

“I guess I just never paid attention to some of the cues or the pronouns you two used or whatever. I feel so stupid now.”

“If you had misgendered me, I would have said something.”

“What does it mean?”

“What does what mean?”

“Being non-binary. What does it mean for you?”

KayKay shrugs, pushing a strand of hair behind their ear. Luke tracks the movement, trying to focus on it, to stop the panic in his own chest that he can’t place.

“I just don’t always feel right in my own body. Sometimes I wake up and I feel okay. I feel like this is who I am. That I’m a woman and it’s okay. That that’s how I want to present myself and be seen by the world as on those days. Some days I wake up and I know it’s not one of those days. I know it’s not going to be a day where I feel right with myself. I feel a disconnect from the person I am. Sometimes feeling right with myself means I don’t feel like a woman. I just feel like me, no gender attached. It changes how I present myself, how I want the world to see me. Sometimes I don’t want to be seen at all. I just want to exist without anyone labeling me or who I am. Some days I don’t mind the labels. Some days I’m indifferent. Some days it feels like I can’t handle it if someone gives me a gendered label and I have to correct them. Everyone’s different but that’s how I feel,” they say, smiling over at Luke, soft and slow. Luke swallows, feels his chest tighten a little bit.

“Oh,” Luke whispers, wrinkling up his nose. A lot of what they’re saying feels a little too close to home for Luke. The feeling of unrest in their body, of not feeling connected to the image they’re putting on. How the idea of how other people’s perception was wrong to how they were feeling. It all feels too close to how Luke feels. The sense of unease on some days when interviewers would call them all boys. The fact that the lingerie and dresses blur the lines of who Luke is. That no matter how nice it is, seeing the look of want and desire on Ashton’s face when he sees what Luke’s wearing, it was never about that. It was always about Luke’s ability to breathe, the warmth in his chest, the feeling of security he got whenever he put it all on. It was always about how he felt like it was coming home, getting to see himself in the mirrors, see the delicate lines and soft angles, crying the illusion of softness and femininity to his body, the tightness easing when he sees himself in the mirrors. Luke thinks he might be crying, feels the pressure at the back of his eyes.

“Luke, have you really never thought about this before?” KayKay asks, voice soft. Luke turns to face them, sees the look of concern on their face. Luke just shakes his head, pressing his face into his crossed arms. He’s trying so hard not to cry, doesn’t want KayKay to see him like this, even if they’re his friend. He hates when anyone who isn’t Ashton sees him at his lowest.

“I guess I didn’t want to. I had one teenage panic about my sexuality. I already had the crisis about wearing lingerie and the dresses and everything else. I have had so many fucking crisises. I’m supposed to be happy now, why can’t I just be happy with who I am,” Luke mumbles. He sniffs, trying to stop the tears from flowing. KayKay sighs, scooting closer till they’re pressed against Luke’s side. They wrap their arms around him in a pseudo hug, resting their head on top of his.

“Luke, honey, describe to me again how you feel when you wear everything?”

“Happy. I feel so happy. I put the first pair of panties on and it just felt right. I haven’t fit right in my own body since I had my growth spurt when I got all broad and tall. I used to hate looking at myself because I felt too big and masculine and I just miss feeling delicate and it did that. It made me feel delicate and lovely and I felt like I could breath. And I have some days where just wearing them underneath my shirts and trousers are enough, where I feel masculine and that’s okay. But I have some days, where I have to wear it all. I have to put on the dress and the heels and I go out in all of it, where I want to deck myself out, I want to be as feminine as possible. I had someone call me Miss in the store once,” Luke says. KayKay hums.

“How did you feel?”

“About?”

“Her perception of you.”

Luke pauses, considering it. He hasn’t thought about the incident in months. It was one of the few days where he’s gotten dressed up and gone out in public without any of the guys and without going to Sierra and KayKay’s store. He’d woken up feeling itchy in his own skin, kept pulling on layers, the bra and panties not doing anything on their own. He’d had to put on a whole thing, long flowing summer dress and wedges, makeup to match, until he’d felt comfortable enough to look in the mirror. He’d gone to Ulta and ended up poking around the makeup until a sales associate had come over, called him Miss, asked if he needed anything. She’d asked for his name and without thinking he’d said Liz. He doesn’t know what made him say it, knows that even if he had said Luke no one would have cared, but something in the moment made him want to be feminine. He’s never told anyone this before, took the memory home with him. He never even told Ashton about it, the way the feeling of it had settled in his chest, having someone look at him and see feminine.

“It felt okay. Having someone see me and see feminine it just felt so good. I have to be Stage Luke all the time, that it just felt nice to have someone see me and not wonder. But I don’t feel female enough either, ” Luke says.

“Maybe that’s what it means for you. For me, being non-binary means I have some days where I feel like a woman, like that’s who I am and some days where I just feel like I’m not, where I don’t feel connected to my gender at all. For you, maybe it means some days you feel more masculine and comfortable being a man and sometimes you don’t feel that way at all. Maybe some days you feel more feminine.”

“Is that allowed?”

“Luke sweetie, it’s you. It’s all about how you perceive yourself, what you think of yourself as. There’s no right way or wrong way to be non-binary. That’s the beauty of it. It’s all up to you,” Kaykay says. Luke rolls the words around in his head, thinking about them. Thinks about what it means to have a word to describe how he’s feeling, the sense of who he is. Luke’s never felt all the way “female” exactly, but he does have days where that feels closer to who he is than “male” does.

“Is it?”

“It is. It’s all a personal experience. That’s the wonderful thing about personal gender experiences. They’re unique to each person,” KayKay says, smiling at Luke, squeezing his arm. Luke smiles at them, pressing his face into their shoulder.

“I think today is one of those days for me. I woke up and I thought about what I wanted to wear today and the idea of anything masculine made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t feel comfortable until I went through my whole routine.”

“So maybe today is a they day,” KayKay says softly. Luke rolls the words around in his head.

“I think maybe it is. I think today I want to try it,” Luke says softly. KayKay nods. It’s different to think about, trying to wrap their head around it, but it feels good. Thinking about themselves like that, removing the idea of being one or the other and just existing.

“I’m proud of you Lu. I’m here if you need anything,” KayKay says, kissing them on the temple. Luke smiles, turning to face KayKay.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime. Now, I heard there were photos to show you. Come on, let’s gush about how pretty you are,” KayKay says, pulling Luke to their feet. Luke grins. It feels right, something about it just feels right.

***

When Luke gets home, Ashton’s car is already in the driveway. Luke sits in the car for a bit, tapping their fingers against the steering wheel. They’ve been thinking about the conversation since talking to KayKay, how to talk to Ashton about it. Luke doesn’t know if it’s too soon or whatever to talk to Ashton about how they’re feeling, but Luke wants Ashton to know. They want Ashton to know they’re exploring themselves and what it means to Luke. Luke’s nervous about how Ashton’s going to respond to it, but it’s Ashton. Luke’s pretty sure there’s nothing they could really do to upset Ashton at this point, easy-going, loving Ashton.

Luke turns off the car engine, leaving the car and heading up the steps to their front door.

“Hey Ash,” Luke calls, coming through the front door. They hear the sounds of Petunia’s nails on the floor, rushing to the door to demand attention from Luke. Luke gladly gives it to her, dropping to their knees and cooing at her.

“In the kitchen darling,” Ashton calls. Luke scoops up Petunia, making their way through the house, finding Ashton at the kitchen table. He’s clicking around on his laptop, frowning.

“What’s up Ash?”

“Looking for tickets to Australia. Fucking complicated to find anything on short notice.”

“Not expensive?”

“We’re rockstars baby,” Ashton teases, looking up at Luke. He’s wearing his glasses, smiling enough that his dimples are showing. Luke giggles, setting Petunia down so that they can climb into Ash’s lap, press a kiss to his lips. Ashton returns the kiss happily, squeezing Luke’s hips, letting Luke sling their arms around Ashton’s shoulders.

“You look nice,” Ashton says.

“Thanks. Felt like a good day for it. Went to see Sierra and KayKay.”

“How was it?”

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Luke says, figuring it’s better to get it over with. Ashton furrows his brow, letting Luke settle into his lap before turning away from his computer to face him.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?”

“KayKay was talking to me about how they’re non-binary and I think I might be too. They were describing it and I just...I felt so connected to that. I don’t always feel right in my body. Sometimes I feel like Luke, like I’m okay in my own body, and sometimes I just don’t. I don’t feel quite female, but sometimes I just feel more feminine and that’s how I want the world to see me. I’m not sure what it all means, but I want to explore it.”

“Oh Luke sweetie, of course you can. Whatever you need darling, I’m right here for you. Is today one of those days?”

“Yeah. I think it is. It just feels like it,” Luke says. Ashton nods, face open and understanding. Luke doesn’t have the words to keep describing how they’re feeling over and over again today, but Ashton’s easy acceptance and love feels good. It reminds Luke that they don’t have to figure everything out today, that they have time. They have time and they have the words to describe how they’re feeling and they have Ashton. Everything else will fall into place after that.

***

Luke waits a couple weeks before sitting down with Michael and Calum to talk about it. Luke spends the time between their revelation and sitting down to talk to the guys. It gives Luke some time to explore what their gender means for them, wrap their head around the words. KayKay is sweet about it, giving Luke answers and resources where they fail to have the answer. Between KayKay’s support and Ashton’s easy acceptance, it’s helped Luke figure out what they want to do. Luke’s still not sure how to come out to their family or even to their fans, but Luke knows that the only way to do that is to talk to Michael and Calum. Luke hasn’t come out to anyone except for Ashton yet. It feels right though, taking the first leap and telling the guys. Luke’s hoping that telling their closest friends will ease some of the tension and uncertainty of having to tell everyone else.

Ashton and Luke set up lunch with Michael and Calum, invited them over. It felt better, doing it in their own home, in a place of comfort. Luke’s nervous though, has been since they got up that morning, got dressed. Luke’s put on another sundress for the day, opting to blur their gender lines again, on a day where it feels the most appropriate.

Michael and Calum showed up about an hour again, bringing some fruit salad with them to lunch. Luke’s been trying to work up the courage throughout all of lunch, find a way to work it naturally into the conversation. There hasn’t been a time yet and the longer Luke waits, the more nervous they get. Ashton’s been wonderful, pressed close to Luke and squeezing their thigh to comfort them. It’s just about the end of lunch when Luke finally finds a natural place in the conversation to finally bring it up.

“I have something to tell you guys,” Luke says when the conversation dies down.

“You’re leaving Ashton for Troye Sivan,” Michael says, tone teasing.

“I’m not...what is that the first person you think of?” Luke asks. Michael shrugs.

“You’ve decided to leave the band to become a mime,” Calum chimes in, grinning.

“Okay, I’m never letting either of you guess ever again,” Luke says, swatting at Ashton as he continues to laugh with Michael and Calum.

“Alright, alright what did you want to tell us?” Michael asks, when he finally stops. Luke frowns, lump in their throat. Ashton reaches over, squeezing their hand.

“I’m non-binary. Everyone’s gender expression for identifying is different, but for me it means that someday I feel masculine and comfortable being Luke and being male. Somedays, I feel more feminine. I don’t want to be a woman necessarily, but I want to be seen as more feminine. I want to be less gendered,” Luke says, swallowing, chest tight. Michael reaches across the table, holding his hand out palm up, signaling for Luke to take his hand. Luke reaches out, letting Michael grab their hand and squeeze.

“What can we do for you?” Calum asks.

“Some days I want to use he/him pronouns and some days I want to use they/them pronouns. I’ll start telling you guys in the morning how I feel, especially if we’re doing interviews or public appearances, so I don’t get misgendered or have anyone refer to me with gendered words. I don’t want to change my name, I like Luke. I just want to adjust how the world perceives me. And I don’t know how to come out online or what to say to our management,” Luke says.

“Fuck management. You gotta do what’s important for you. Say whatever you want online, we’ll back you up,” Michael says, all determination and indignation.

“But what about our fans? Or the online response? I still have to worry about that,” Luke points out.

“Fuck them if they don’t want to respect you. I don’t need those fans,” Calum says. Luke swallows trying to blink back their tears. Michael and Calum leave their seats, wrapping Luke up in a hug and pressing soft kisses to their head. Luke knows it’s not that simple, can’t just say fuck it to what management will think or how their fanbase will respond. Luke knows it can’t be simple, coming out, expressing their gender publicly. Maybe the first step is for Luke to change their pronouns on their twitter and instagram bios, letting the world find out as they check their page. Getting to see the fan reaction that way would be incredible, pouring out support for them and letting them know how valid they are without having to make a big declaration about it. Luke knows it’s going to be interviews and explanations, trying to talk to people about who they are, but it’s nice. The easy love and acceptance from their friends, knowing that no matter what, they have Ashton and Michael and Calum on their side. The world’s a little brighter for Luke, getting to be themselves, getting to be happy, getting to do it all with their friends. Right here, wrapped up in the guys and their hug, the world feels brighter and full of love and possibilities.

#5 seconds of summer #lashton #luke hemmings #ashton irwin #kaykay blaisdell #non-binary character #nb kaykay #non binary luke #its just gender exploration and soft love #both platonic and romantic #luke deserves to be loved wholly and completely and have people accept them #my writing

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blue-bird-on-a-wire · 3 years

Text

Mav (Free)

Part 3 of the Gar Cuyir Yaim series

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 3,340

Pairing: Paz Vizsla x (Y/n) with she/her pronouns

Warnings: Jabba’s slave culture, mentioned kidnapping/child kidnapping, insecure (Y/n), hinted/implied abuse of (Y/n)

Summary: (Y/n) represses memories from her past after Paz explains how he knows her.

Updates: Every Tuesday at 5:30 pm MT

A/N: Hello! You can also find this fic on Ao3 under B1ue_Bird_0n_A_Wire. Please feel free to give me feedback, as I don’t have a beta reader and often miss spelling mistakes. If you feel there need to be more warnings/other warnings, feel free to DM me! I don’t bite 😊. Enjoy!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Masterlist

“What?” I asked, not sure I heard Paz correctly.

You were a foundling.

I was not a foundling. Foundlings were the adoptive children of the Mandalorians, raised to be strong warriors. I was not strong nor a warrior, let alone raised by Paz’s kind. He must have been mistranslating.

Paz continued to stare at me like he was frozen in carbonite.

“That can’t be right. I’ve never met a Mandalorian before you,” I whispered.

He just kept looking at me, and it started to make my skin crawl. Was he mad at me? Was he considering taking me back? What did this all mean for him? I wasn’t a foundling and never had been. He needed to look again.

“...That’s why I recognized you,” Paz muttered, more to himself than to me. “You disappeared after the Shereshir be Ade.”

“...the...the what?”

Paz quickly stood up, taking a step toward me. “The Kidnapping of Children,” he said, as though that would explain everything. “I never thought I would see you again.”

I took a hesitant step back. He was mistaken. If he took a look at the holo again, he would see I wasn’t a foundling. I never was.

I couldn't bring myself to believe I could have been one of him. The Mandalorians were just stories to me until a few days ago.

“I-I... I don’t know who you are, Paz,” I said. “I-I’m sorry.”

Paz’s steps abruptly stopped. His shoulders tensed and I could hear his breath hitch through the modulator.

“I’ve belonged to Jabba for as long as I can remember,” I continued. “I don’t even know what planet I was born on, or who brought me to him.”

A pause. This silence from him was making me more and more nervous.

“...I’ve only heard of Mandalorians through stories from bounty hunters. You must be mistaking me for someone else, and I’m so sorry I mislead you-”

“We were playing in the covert. You wanted to play some hiding game, and I was looking for you… You couldn't stop laughing,” Paz’s shoulders deflated. “Then there was a loud boom - an explosion - and we were running through the tunnels. But you were so small. I didn’t-” Paz’s helmet tilted to the side, away from me. “I hadn't even noticed how far behind you were-”

“Y-you’re think- thinking of someone else. I-I wasn’t-” I could feel the tears building behind my eyes.

This was freaking me out. He said he knew me? Or at least he thought he knew me. I didn’t know anyone. I had grown up alone - raised by other slaves and taught two things. There are the rulers and the ruled. You are determined for either destiny and are good for nothing else.

This was turning my whole galaxy around.

“Our covert was attacked and in the aftermath, we couldn't find several of our children,” Paz explained, looking back at me and taking another step forward. “I couldn't find you.”

My breathing was shallow as I struggled to keep from crying. This couldn't have been happening. I wasn’t who he said I was. There wasn’t any other path I could have lived. My slavery was inevitable. I wasn’t once the very thing I had longed to be since I was younger. I hadn't… I couldn't of-

“(Y/n),” said Paz. “Ni ceta.”

“I-I don’t know wha- what that means,” I whimpered. “I-I’m just- just a slave. You-you’re thinking of- of the wrong per-person,” I choked out. “But I-I can’t eve-even read to show you it-it’s no-not true,” I gestured to my collar.

I wasn’t. I wasn’t. I wasn’t.

I didn’t know this man. He was wrong about me. He thought I was someone I wasn’t. Someone he mistook for a childhood friend.

Everything was crashing down around me because I do remember feeling cold. I remember feeling afraid, and lost, and alone. I could never picture any of it but I always remembered how it felt. It felt abandoned.

Being forced to leave wherever I came from, only to be thrown into the grubby hands of Jabba felt… like I had been ripped from whatever home had come before.

But I couldn't remember, and my experience must have been different from whoever this Mandalorian was talking about. No matter how similar it might have been.

Paz reached behind him for the collar with its holo still displaying. He thrust it toward me, pointing at things with his gloved fingers.

“Right here,” Paz explained, “It says you were gifted, not bought. You were proof of eradication of a Mandalorian covert. That’s why you were given to Jabba. You were the false proof of a job well done.”

I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks, or the whimpers that left my mouth. I couldn't remember these things. He wanted me to remember, and I couldn't do that.

“... I-I can’t read, Paz…”

I must have looked even more pathetic to him if he thought I was once a foundling. Balling my eyes out like I wasn’t in the presence of a Mandalorian.

My back finally hit the wall behind me, and I hadn't realized till that moment just how far I had moved away from him.

“I-I’m sorry that I-I’m not who- who you think I am…”

Paz remained silent.

“I’m sor-sorry you have the wrong per-person.”

He continued to stare at me. I could see his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides.

He was going to hit me soon, I was sure of it.

But he never did.

Maybe I was supposed to play along. Maybe he wanted me to pretend to be this other person because I looked vaguely like them.

All of a sudden, Paz lurched forward and stormed up the ladder to the cockpit.

I held my breath at the sound of his boots, only taking in air once I heard the door to the cockpit close.

I was left alone, with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.

Nothing but my thoughts to drown in.

~ ~ ~

The more I dwelled on it, the more I felt these vague images and feelings bubbling to the surface.

I remember bars.

And it was dark.

I remember being yelled at. Being told to quiet down and stop squirming.

But I don’t recall any faces. Just noise and feelings.

There had been a smell of something metallic.

I didn’t want to think about these things. I didn’t like to acknowledge these things. They implied that somewhere in my lifetime I had not been a slave. That I was taken or abducted from somewhere. I did not like to think that if something had changed - maybe I ate something else that morning or slept in a little later - then I might not have ever been a slave.

False memories. That’s what I decided to chalk these things up to, even though these things had existed in the back of my mind long before Paz entered Jabba’s Palace.

Yes, false memories was all that they were. I had simply made them up.

But I was not dreaming. My neck still throbbed with pain, even as the bacta gel absorbed into my skin. It had been a few hours, I assumed. Maybe the pain would go away in a few more.

I lifted my head from my arms, which rested on my folded-up knees.

Corners were nice. I liked corners. They made me feel secure and safe. All I had to worry about was what was in front of me, not behind.

Jabba’s Palace was sort of like a corner. I knew what to expect. I knew what to look out for.

Paz was like sitting in the middle of an open room with doors on every wall… Maybe the room was even a circle, and the doors were identical just to make it more confusing. I felt like being here with Paz was so full of uncertainty. Any door might open at any second, and who knew what would lie behind it.

Maybe a Rancor. Maybe a Jawa.

Or maybe it would be stars.

Having raised my head, I took a puffy-eyed glance around the hull. The first thing that caught my attention was the round window from before.

I had never seen anything so breathtaking. What was this? Why were there streaks of light - blues and whites - flying past us.

I couldn't help myself.

Rising up on sore muscles and blistered feet, I shuffled my way to the window’s ledge. I lifted a hand and placed a few fingers on the lip, the cool glass feeling nice on my warm skin.

It was truly mesmerizing. Was this space? Was that truly what the galaxy looked like? Just a blur of little stars and planets, flying by so fast they looked like thin threads.

I would make something keen to a blanket from those threads. It would be blue, white, and black. It would look just as beautiful as the scenery beyond the glass. I would sleep under it - under thousands of stars. No one would touch me under my little blanket. I would be too lost in the galaxy for them to find me anyhow.

“Clothes.”

I jumped, spun on my feet and pulled my hands to my chest.

Paz stood at the bottom of the ladder. I hadn't even heard him come down.

He held a bundle of clothes in one hand, and in the other was my collar which no longer displayed the holo.

“You’ll get cold in what you’re wearing, so I thought you might like to change,” Paz said.

He had brought me clothes? From the looks of it, they were big and made from thick looking wool. They must have been his.

Of course! This whole time he had been dressed from head to toe in armor, while I was still clad in that skimpy dancer’s outfit. I must have been making him uncomfortable.

“... Um. I can set them in the ��fresher for you.”

Oh. I should say something. “That’s ok,” I said, taking a few steps toward him. “You don’t have to do that.”

My eyes must have been puffy. I wanted to rub at them.

Paz handed me the clothes.

“Thank you,” I said. I took one last glance at him before I started walking away. I tried my best not to let on to my hurt feet. I had already been given more care from him than I ever had from anyone else before. I didn’t want to bother him.

Stepping into the refresher, I didn’t quite know what to do with myself.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I had good hygiene habits and was always keeping myself clean - I had just never used a shower with water before. Sonic showers were all that was allowed at Jabba’s. Tatooine was a planet with so little water it had to be carefully extracted from the air. Water showers were considered wasteful luxuries very few could afford.

Should I ask Paz how this worked? Maybe not, he must have been busy. I could just skip the shower all together, but I would still be covered in a layer of sweat and sand. Then again, what if I started to fiddle with something and ended up breaking his nice shower? That didn’t sound too great either. Hmm…

Welp… I suppose the worst that could happen was a bruised cheek and unanswered question.

Clutching his clothes tightly to my chest, I turned around and poked my head out from the doorway.

Sitting on a crate on the other end of the hull was the big blue Mandalorian. He was fiddling with my collar, taking it apart and organizing the parts.

I wondered what that red blinking thing was.

“Paz?” I called, my voice feeling small and unsure.

His head shot up and he immediately stopped what he was doing. “Yes, Sarad?”

I would ask what that meant another time.

“Um, I-I don’t know how to use your shower,” I weakly admitted.

Paz stood up and slowly walked over to me.

I flinched as he passed, not having expected him to actually enter the small room. He must not have thought my question was that dumb after all.

Paz gestured to a few knobs and switches on the wall.

“This one,” he pointed. “Turns the water on while this other one controls the temperature.”

“Temperature?” I muttered, more to myself than to him.

Paz turned his head to look at me. “The hot water doesn't last very long though, but I wouldn't worry about it too much.”

“Oh…” Then I wouldn't waste his hot water.

What would a hot shower feel like? Sonic showers were the same temperature as the air in the rooms they were in. They had no temperature control. Could I make this shower have cold water?

“These other switches are for the lights, but you don’t have to worry about those for now either,” Paz explained.

“Thank you,” I said, setting his clothes onto the small counter.

I felt something brush against my shoulder, and I tensed.

“I hope this won’t scar,” whispered Paz, running a gloved finger just under the skin of my irritated neck. “Though it would be a show of your strength. Resilience.”

My strength?

“...Paz?”

“Hmm.”

“...Have...Have you ever had a slave before? Owned one, I mean.”

Paz’s hand immediately retreated to his side. “No.”

A curt answer. Short and to the point. I supposed I should have elaborated.

“Well, I don’t mean to be-” Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. “-Overbearing, or anything. But, what would a Mandalorian want with a slave?”

“... Excuse me?”

Yep, this wasn’t a good idea. I shouldn’t have asked. I should have kept my mouth shut and-

“Is that what you still think you are? Do you think you’re my slave?” Paz asked, though I don’t think I was supposed to answer. Was it malice in his voice or disappointment?

Maybe I wasn’t his slave, but rather he was taking me to someone else. Perhaps he didn’t like that word - slave - and wanted to call me something different. Or maybe-

Oh. That’s right. He thought I was someone from his childhood. Someone he had lost.

“You, (Y/n), are not a slave. You never will be again, do you understand?”

I weakly nodded my head.

“I need you to say it. You are not a slave.”

“...I’m not a slave,” I said, though I didn’t actually believe those words. There must have been a catch to this.

“You can go wherever you want and do whatever you want. If you want me to drop you off on the closest planet, just tell me. If you want to say what’s on your mind, say it. You are not in chains anymore, and you certainly don’t belong to anyone. You are free,” Paz said, his voice was firm.

I’m not a slave. I can do what I want. I can say what I want… I-

“I am free,” I whispered. I felt a lump forming in my throat.

I did not belong to Paz. He had freed me. He was giving me this opportunity to start over.

All I could do was nod my head while my throat closed up and I tried to keep the waterworks from starting. I could feel my lip starting to quiver and I hoped the big blue Mandalorian would leave before the dam broke.

Paz nodded his head, “Good. No one can tell you what to do ever again.” He then brushed past me and into the hull. The door closed behind him.

I stood there for a moment, focused on my breathing and not my racing heart.

I turned on the water like Paz showed me and started taking off my- Oola’s clothes.

I stepped into the shower, muscles tensing at the cold temperature. I intentionally set it that way so I wouldn't waste any warm water.

I felt the droplets cascade down my face. It soon became difficult to tell what water was from the shower and what came from my silent crying.

I felt so overwhelmed with happiness and fear. I was ecstatic at the prospect of no longer being a slave. Paz said no one could tell me what to do anymore. I liked that. I didn’t want to be forced into anything ever again.

However, this brought forth so many new questions. What was I going to do with myself? Where would I go? Would Paz want me around? Did I even want to stay with Paz? I didn’t even know how to survive on my own. If Paz dropped me off on some foreign planet, I would have no idea how to make a life for myself.

Damn the maker, I couldn't even read!

Stepping out of the shower and turning it off, I took a look at myself in the mirror.

Who was that? I had never seen myself all wet before. My hair looked a shade darker and was weighed down by all the water it had soaked up. Was this what people normally looked like after getting wet?

I had never felt so clean. I was refreshed and much calmer than I had been before. I decided I would never use a sonic shower again if I could avoid it.

Water showers were much nicer.

I took the clothes Paz had given me and put them on. They were far too big. The black long-sleeved shirt was more like a dress on me. The sleeves hung past my fingers in a way that made me feel like I could gently slap something with them. The pants, on the other hand, were gray loose-fitting sweats, likely meant more for lounging than for bounty hunter work. They were also much too long, so I rolled them up till I could see my feet.

These must have been clothes that Paz slept in.

I had to reuse the undergarments that came with Oola’s outfit. Maybe I could ask Paz to take me someplace where I could get my own.

Maybe… Or I could just rewash these and not bother him with it. What would be worse, asking for new clothes or asking for a place to wash these? Hmm… I didn’t know what would be less trouble for him.

Walking out of the ‘fresher, I saw Paz had once again been working on my collar. I wondered what he was doing with it.

I had my- Oola’s clothes folded and clutched to my chest. I stood there awkwardly.

What would I do now?

“Um, thank you,” I said.

Paz looked up from where he sat.

“For everything, I mean… I’ve never taken a shower with water before. It’s really nice.”

Paz nodded his head. “You should get some rest. It’s been a long day and I’m sure you're tired.”

I was. My feet still hurt and so did my neck. Would this Mandalorian go to sleep as well?

“Ok,” I said.

I remember Paz saying I could sleep in his bed, so I made my way to his quarters.

Opening the door and walking it, the room was much smaller than I imagined it would be for such a big Mandalorian.

In fact, it wasn’t even really a room. It was only a bed and took up the whole space.

I crawled inside and shuffled around to pull back the sheets. I layed down on the only pillow, leaving the door up as to not feel boxed in.

Then I realized my damp hair was making the pillow wet so I pushed the pillow aside and layed down without it.

How did Paz fit in here? There was no way I could imagine him sleeping comfortably in such a tight space.

Regardless, this was the best thing I had ever laid on. It was much nicer than a soiled mattress with only a thin blanket.

It was warm too. Much warmer than what I was used to. Everything was soft and cozy. I felt safe here.

Safe enough to fall asleep.

(Part 4 coming soon!)

Mandoa Translations:

“Shereshir be Ade” - “Kidnapping of Children”

“Ni ceta” - an apology (rare)

“Sarad” - “Flower”

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#the mandalorian #the mandalorian fanfiction #paz viszla #paz vizsla x reader #paz vizsla x y/n #paz vizsla x you #reader insert #fanfic #fanfiction #also on ao3

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fanficflaneuse · 4 years

Text

One Day - Part 4

A/N: Hello magical tumblr friends, this chapter is long and has a little bit of everything. I hope you like it. Thanks for all of your love and support. It really means the world to me. This doesn’t feature a poem, but rather a very real problem of mine and my writing. I hope you like this!

Disclaimers: One or two curse words. Mentions of making out and stripping - just in passing - (not smut)

Details:

Draco x reader (she/her pronouns)

Word count: 2563 (I’m sorry, I really don’t know how this happened)

Summary: One day AU. Post-war. Since The Battle of Hogwarts, Draco and y/n meet one day a year.

Masterlist

3 May, 2001

(Y/N) and Draco apparated in the kitchen of a beach house in Playa del Carmen, México. Even though their abode was protected by a fidelius charm, they arrived at the break of dawn to avoid any sort of attention. (Y/N) walked through the airy living room and stood just in front of the wall sized window that lead to the beach. She stared in awe at the clear sand and the crystalline waters that stretched to infinity. This was their own private paradise for a week. Draco hugged her from behind and rested his chin on her head.

“It’s impressive, isn’t it?” he asked, absolutely taken by the view.

“It is, Dray,” she answered as she put her hands softly over his.

They had chosen a tropical destination mainly because Draco wanted to prove to her that he could tan. Upon hearing this, Blaise offered them his house in that vibrant Caribbean town. It had belonged to one of his – many – late stepfathers and nobody had used it in years, but it was well kept, modern and safe from noisy muggles and nosy wizards and witches. Blaise thought he was playing cupid by giving them the keys and Draco was both flustered and annoyed as he wiggled his eyebrows at them. (Y/N) had laughed it off, which confused Draco immensely.

He fell on a loop, overthinking for the thousandth time what could her laugh possibly mean. Was it meant to be playful? Did it mean she thought the possibility of them together was outrageous? What if it wasn’t, though? He definitely fancied her. He had fancied her even before holding her in his arms was a possibility. But he had blown up so many things in his life before. Everything he touched turned to dust. He was convinced he wasn’t good enough for her and he loved her too much to lose her friendship. If (Y/N) told him she was willing to start a relationship with him, he wouldn’t know what to do. Had been stuck in this hypothetical dilemma for the longest time and it was frustrating. He was pulled out of his thoughts by (Y/N), who shuffled in his embrace. She turned around so carefully his arms never left her waist. Her hands wrapped around his neck. Her fingers played with the little strands of hair on the nape of his neck.

Draco’s grey hues met (Y/N)’s mesmerizing (eye colour) ones. He smiled softly. She smiled back, but he noticed her features were dampened with concern.

“What’s wrong, Dray?”

He tightened the grip around her and offered her a smirk. “It’s nothing, (Y/N/N). I was just thinking.”

“Alright, then,” she answered, not very convinced, “why don’t we go to the beach?”

...

Draco discarded his turtleneck and trousers. Standing in his boxers in the middle of the room, he held at arm length the swimming trunks Harry had taken him to buy. They were just a looser version of his briefs, made of a dreadful material Draco had never even heard of. What, in Merlin’s name, was polyester? He scrunched his nose in disgust, but quickly scrambled into them as he heard (Y/N) knocking at the door.

They had tacitly agreed to sleep in the same room. She had barricaded herself in the bathroom to put on her own swimming suit. He wondered what she’d wear. At the muggle store he went with Harry, Draco had seen a bunch of items for women. He had gotten flustered, imagining (Y/N) in one of those. And he was getting hot and bothered again. He let himself fall, face down, onto the bed. “I’m ready,” he said, his voice muffled.

He heard the door opening and her footsteps as she came back into the room. She chuckled lightly as she saw him on his stomach, his face hidden in his hands. (Y/N) did a double take on him before he stood up. His arse looked amazing and his back was incredibly toned. The black trunks made a nice contrast with his incredibly pale skin. She bit her lower lip and looked away, trying to dissipate those thoughts and the tingling in her stomach. As her gaze settled out of the window, at some point in the horizon, Draco decided to move. His eyes rested on (Y/N)’s figure.

Nothing, not even his wildest dreams, would’ve prepared him for the sight of (Y/N) on an emerald green swimming suit. It was the least clothes he had ever seen on her and he just couldn’t tear his eyes away. Salazar, coming here alone with her could either be the best or worst idea ever.

(Y/N) felt his eyes glued on her and blushed profusely. She then faced him. For a minute there neither of them knew what to do. (Y/N) took a deep breath, walked forward and intertwined her fingers with his. Then she practically dragged him out of the house and into the sea.

They spent all day under the sun. They swam, splashed each other and walked by the seashore. They sat under the sun for a while, enjoying the salt on their skins until it turned too hot and overwhelming. Then they moved to the porch, staring at the sea and checking each other out when they thought the other was distracted.

Throughout the day, (Y/N) noticed how Draco would stare at his left forearm for the longest time. At first, she would bring his attention to something else and they would goof around or talk. At lunchtime, though, Draco put on a sweater with sleeves so long they reached his fingertips. It was a horrible sweater, so out of character for Draco, and it looked even more outrageous given the weather that had her bones sweating.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Dray.”

He hung his head, defeated. “I…”

“No need to explain, love. I know it’s hard. But this,” she pushed the left sleeve up and Draco winced, but she continued, “this is part of your story. This is part of what has brought you here. And you have to accept it. Just like every other wonderful little bit of you. You need to live with this and forgive yourself, Dray”

Draco nodded, fighting off tears. (Y/N) took his face in her hands and give him a kiss on both cheeks. He smiled softly and took the sweater off. They cooked lunch together. Draco had been trying to learn how to cook for himself. So far he had managed to master a decent number of recipes and techniques. Cooking and baking reminded him of potions class and he loved it.

After lunch, they sat down on the sofa. There was a lot of space in the living room and yet, (Y/N) sat in between Draco’s legs, her back pressed to his chest, her head on his shoulder…a position much too familiar for them.

“I want to stay like this forever,” he said quietly, bringing her closer to him.

“Me too. I really don’t want to go back,” she answered, closing her eyes.

“We don’t have to,” he offered.

“I do. I have work to do.”

Draco sighed in response. “What is it that you do at the Ministry? What’s so important that you can’t enjoy more than one week of vacations?”

“A copious amount of paperwork,” she groaned. The Ministry was going through a series of reforms that took a lot of time and effort to put in practice. Hermione was ecstatic. (Y/N) knew it was all worth it, but she would be lying if she said her work hadn’t turned monotonous over the last few months.

“That sounds absolutely inspiring,” he said, sarcasm seeping through his every word. (Y/N) chuckled and hit his arm playfully.

“I thought you wanted to become a writer,” he added as an afterthought. (Y/N) blushed, feeling a bit exposed. She kept writing and Draco knew that. There was something painful about her writing, though. It was much too raw and took her back to pain and suffering. At times, whenever she sat down to write, the whole ordeal would leave her in tears. She couldn’t bring herself to be as consistent as before. She didn’t even want to contemplate the possibility of making a living out of it.

“It’s still an idea…” the vagueness in her voice made Draco regard her seriously. He pushed her just slightly so they could – kind of – face each other. (Y/N) tried to divert her gaze, but he put his hand on her cheek and made her look at him. Draco had expressive eyes. This time they were full of concern.

“(Y/N/N), is this because of money? Because I can –“

(Y/N) shook her head. She wouldn’t even let him finish. “I don’t need your money, Dray. You know that’s not the issue.” She wanted to turn the page, change topics as soon as possible, but Draco was not having any of it. They talked about his issues. He opened up to her and she would always offer words of comfort, support and cuddles. He wanted to do the same for her. He noticed how sometimes she would just close up, isolate herself. She’d try to brush her problems off. But he wouldn’t let her do that, not this time, not again.

“Then what’s the issue, (Y/N)?” he kept his hand on her cheek, knowing very well (Y/N) would try to escape, shrug it off and distract him. He then saw her eyes filling with tears. It was his moment to inch forward and shower her in affection.

“I’ve been involved in dangerous situations since I’m a toddler, Draco. My life at school consisted in avoiding death year after year. I can’t stay put. I need to feel like I’m doing something that’s bigger than myself. I need that rush.”

Draco’s fingers caressed her cheek. She was indecipherable at times. He knew there was much more than what she led on, but he didn’t want to push her.

“Besides, I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts more than what’s necessary,” (Y/N) muttered to herself, avoiding his gaze once again.

Draco was so close he heard clearly. He felt his heart tearing, just like that night, three years ago, when she had whispered to him and only him that she was broken. He made her face him again and, without a second thought, Draco leaned in. They both closed their eyes as their lips touched. It was a ghost of a kiss, tender and soft. It was everything they wished for and so much more; it felt natural and so, so good.

...

By the time (Y/N) and Draco reached the bedroom, they had left a trail of clothing behind them. They kissed and giggled and caressed each other. Her legs were wrapped around his torso, fingers laced in his blond locks. His own hands made their way through her back, trying to unclasp her bra.

After their kiss, they had cuddled all afternoon. They hadn’t mentioned it again and they were both determined to leave it at that. That was, of course, before they decided to go to a muggle bar and get tipsy with margaritas. When they came back, their drunken laughter filled the whole house. As the alcohol pumped through their veins they both felt bolder and uninhibited. The rush clouded their minds and ridded them of any sort of judgement.

(Y/N) stole their first drunken kiss. They were sprawled on the floor playing a game of strip wizard chess. Every time one of them lost a piece, they had to take an item of clothing off. As Draco slid his shirt off, (Y/N) crawled to him and kissed him. He growled lowly as his best friend bit his lower lip and they both felt the heat raising in the pit of their stomachs. He wanted her then and there, even more when she was being such a tease. As she laughed and tried to go back to her side, Draco caught her by the waist and pulled her back to him.

Draco tried to place (Y/N) in bed, but he was so woozy he fell with her. After laughing for their clumsiness, they laid on their sides, facing each other. Draco put a strand of hair behind (Y/N)’s ear. She traced his features with her fingertips. As she did so, he closed his eyes, enjoying her caresses as always.

(Y/N) found Draco absolutely beautiful. She was nothing short of in love with him. As that thought downed on her, (Y/N)’s desire stopped burning her. She lost momentum and withdrew her hand. She didn’t want this to be a spurt of the moment, drunken mistake. She wanted to be with Draco. Circe! She wanted to be with Draco. She was in love with him. (Y/N) sat up. How would this realization change their dynamic?

Draco opened his eyes immediately. The loss of contact had sobered him up. Had she realized he was a tosser who wasn’t worth her affection? Was it because of the mark? He sat up as well, searching for her eyes. The look he gave her was so full of mortification that she enveloped him in a hug.

“Dray…” she said after a few minutes of a deafening silence, “I don’t want this to be a one-night type of thing. I want to…be with you. I’d love to be with you. But it would break my heart if tomorrow we wake up and we realize that’s not what you…”

Draco’s gears were turning in his head. He felt as though he would combust right then and there. He took her face in his hands for the second time that day and looked at her in the eyes.

“(Y/N/N), what we have is way too pure, too good to be true. It’s the best thing I have going on for me, the best friendship I’ve ever had. I don’t want to ruin it as I tend to do with everything. I prefer to be your friend forever than your boyfriend for a couple of months. I want to think of you as my soulmate destined to be my best friend than a girlfriend I’ll end up hurting.”

(Y/N) fought back tears. “But I love –“

“I wouldn’t be able to handle it, love. If we broke up…if I fucked this up…if we didn’t want to see each other again”

They were both crying now. The silence was unbearable. (Y/N) kissed Draco on both cheeks before giving him a peck on the lips. Then she stood up, determined to not share a bed with him anymore.

…

(Y/N) closed her eyes. She decided to sleep on the farthest room she could find. Luckily enough, Blaise’s house was huge, so she had plenty to choose from. She had been trying to fall asleep for about an hour now, but she just couldn’t. The weight of her realization was drowning her. Then there was Draco’s rejection. She didn’t even want to begin addressing that issue.

A knock on the door interrupted her train of thoughts.

“Can I come in?” Draco’s voice was hoarse and a bit unsure.

No response.

“(Y/N), can I come in?” he almost pleaded.

“Yes,” she breathed out.

Draco rushed into the room. In three strides he was looming over her form, eyes imploring for forgiveness. (Y/N) sighed. She lifted up the covers. Draco slithered in the bed and pressed his body to hers. They were soon cuddling again.

“You don’t ruin things, Dray.”

(Y/N) wanted to add that he would never hurt her, but kept quiet.

“I love you, (Y/N/N).”

“Love you, Dray.”

tags: @fandomscombine @okaydraco @naomi02hook @iliketoast23

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badatusernames · 4 years

Note

CHOJI, SHIKAMARU, LEE, GAARA & HINATA!! ITS A LOT IM SORRY

THANK U FOR THIS...admittedly some answers may be a lil short just so i can like. Get to them all.

EDIT: IDK WHY IT LOOKS LIKE THIS. IM SO TIRED. IM SORRY ITS JUST A LONGASS NARUTO POST ON YOUR DASH I TRIED MY FUCKIN BEST YALL

SEND ME A CHARACTER AND I’LL DO THIS;

Chouji (man i’ve seen it spelled both ways and i’m just used to typing Chouji at this point sorry)

Sexuality Headcanon: Pansexual!! Gender Headcanon: Cis male A ship I have with said character: SHIKAMARU. SHIKAMARU. SHIKAMARU. SHIKAMARUUUU, my god...just, everything about their dynamic makes my heart melt, the way they’re both people who are easily dismissed by others and how they have such UNFALTERING FAITH in each other. chouji knows how much of a genius shikamaru is, knows very well the fact that despite his laziness, once he commits to something he’s in it for the LONG HAUL, the way shikamaru just believes so steadfastly in chouji, considering him stronger than NEJI FOR FUCKS SAKE...they like. get one another, the kind of relationship where you can be yakking away one minute and then just sitting in contented silence the next. they can just laze around. maybe play video games and snack. and sometimes...kiss. and it’s so chill even with that latent tenderness their later relationship develops and they both just feel so safe and KNOWN and familiar like. love your best friend. anyway everyone slept on shikacho and y’all should be ashamed the naruto fandom is enormous and finding pretty much ANY content for it is almost impossible aside from the small (if lovely and amazing) tag and i’m pretty hyperfixated on it if you couldn’t tell holy SHIT. A BROTP I have with said character: i’m really not a fan of ino taking potshots at him for his weight and outright shaming him, but once she grows out of that i absolutely love their friendship. listen, you know that post thats like--hold on

thats just them, thanks. A NOTP I have with said character: i have nothing against karui but canon is fucking dead to me and my opinions on p much all the “endgame” ships range from utterly neutral to absolute loathing. their relationship is on neither end of the spectrum, but. eh. definitely not into it. A random headcanon: he keeps nursing injured animals back to health because he’s just that fucking sweet and bringing them back to his house to keep them warm and safe while they recover and his team knows vaguely about this and ino and shikamaru like to poke fun at him for it but since they don’t tend to encounter said animals, it’s not really a huge deal.

of course they stop by his house one day bc he hadn’t shown up for training which is annoying and frankly a little concerning and finding the house mostly empty ino just bursts on into chouji’s room only to immediately have the opossum he’s been caring for latch its little paws on her face and cling.

it’s a bad morning. General Opinion over said character: literally one of my absolute favorites of all time and it really breaks my heart how overlooked he is in the fandom (seriously y’all...). i think kishimoto is kind of a stupid hack and the Fat Jokes are really grating and it sucks to see that so intrinsically tied to his character (like. just let him be fat. jesus christ) but his kindness and overall relaxed, loyal and lovable nature has me just melting. i adore him.

Shikamaru

Sexuality Headcanon: He’s gay, scoob. (I could also talk a lot about how his earlier misogyny is both a product of being a whiny tween and also some internalized frustration of like WHATS SO GREAT ABOUT GIRLS. UGH. I DONT. STOP TELLING ME IM GONNA FALL IN LOVE WITH ONE ONE DAY DAD JESUS. and let’s be real, thats frustrating, even if it aint an excuse) Gender Headcanon: he uses he/him pronouns because it’s just what he’s used to and comfortable with but man gender is such a drag... A ship I have with said character: SEE ABOVE SHIKACHO RANT A BROTP I have with said character: naruto! he and naruto have a really adorable friendship and i love love LOVE that he and chouji were shown to be kind and accepting of him even when most people were shunning him. also he’s so fucking dumb i love seeing shikamaru meticulously plan out something only to have naruto shriek into battle and ruin all of it. love those guys. stupid bros. A NOTP I have with said character: ok. im sorry i just. loathe sh*katema i really do. i haaaate the way kishimoto writes this whole “ew a GIRL” “ew a MAN” vibe with the like OOOH BUT THEYRE GONNA LIKE EACH OTHER vibe like.

don’t get me wrong i adore them as friends, i think they’re fantastic scathing and witty pals who bitch about anything and everything including each other

but they’re also both gay and kishimoto can suck my nuts byeeee A random headcanon: sometimes pakkun just fucking Shows up and chills with him. shikamaru wants absolutely no part of this but is way too lazy to like. do anything about it so it’s just this guy and a dog sitting in a field chillin and occasionally him piping up like ‘hey kid. remember when i bit your hand? yeah? haha, man time sure does fly.” while shikamaru is just. go aWAY. General Opinion over said character: if you told 9 year old me watching naruto for the first time my favs were gonna be a three way tie of lee, shikamaru and chouji i never would have fucking believed you but here we are. i love him. i absolutely love him. he’s such a whiny bastard and a really good depiction of burnout genius who doesnt want to do ANYTHING, but his intellect is an absolute DELIGHT to watch. i love him very much.

Lee

Sexuality Headcanon: he’s pan!! this is a boy that crushes easily and crushes hard on just about anyone!!!! Gender Headcanon: cis male A ship I have with said character: ok i ship him a lot with neji actually? what with how neji grows during the course of the series to regard lee with the respect he deserves is really sweet and there’s just something so infinitely adorable about him going around being the hammiest, most ridiculously earnest, kind and enthusiastic person and neji, now that he isn’t constantly bitter and angry at the world can finally really see that? lee is always happily dropkicking his way into his life, like he wouldn’t have it any other way, and i think that’s just...so sweet A BROTP I have with said character: SAKURAAAAA. oh my GOD do i adore their relationship. ever since lee saved her and basically just gave her a glimpse of his...lee-ness, the fact her negative opinion of him IMMEDIATELY flipped and gave her such a strong admiration and fondness for him kills me DEAD. she always treats him with so much respect and the fact she’s quick to rag on anyone making fun of him melts my HEART!! and on lee’s side, his little crush on her is adorable of course, but the sheer strength of the friendship that comes from it is more than infatuation could ever offer him. i want them to hang out together and talk about their troubles...i want them to make each other laugh and be so very kind to each other...i want sakura to storm over and throw him over her shoulder to TAKE A BREAK ALREADY when he’s been training too hard for too long. god. A NOTP I have with said character: honestly i’m pretty happy with a lot of lee ships! the only ones i view with obvious disdain are the ones with creepy age gaps honestly. A random headcanon: out of everyone in the leaf genin, he’s probably the closest anyone’s ever come to someone who EVERYONE is at least distantly friendly towards. like god have you SEEN how warm and inviting and concerned he is the SECOND he sees that naruto is feeling down? i get the sense he’s immediately inclined to provide that kind of support to any of his comrades, even the ones that Resist it.

you think sasuke is the most popular among the leaf genin? puh-LEASE. everyone looks on rock lee with at least a LITTLE bit of warmth. thats just fact. General Opinion over said character: since my first viewing of naruto he has been my Absolute fav, and while chouji and shikamaru are veeery close to stealing that spot, one look at him and i feel he’s gonna be on top forever. probably the best written character kishimoto’s ever produced that’s remained in the main cast (tho i dont speak for shipudden onwards who fucking knows, but the truth of it is is i adore rock lee)

Gaara

Sexuality Headcanon: Panromantic Asexual Gender Headcanon: kind of like shikamaru, i feel like he uses he/him pronouns but also doesn’t particularly....Care? A ship I have with said character: ok so it wasnt until my naruto rewatch that i really started falling into this but i think him and naruto are super cute? while i loathe kishimoto for ruining so much abt this show he really is good at creating good foils to naruto, and gaara is no exception--and the way naruto changes his life by just kicking his ass (and proving he’s not just a Simp or smth) and then just, extending genuine empathy and a REAL sense of truly relating to where he’s coming from re:his upbringing? the EFFECT it has on him, bro!!!! my god!!! i feel like they’re that opposites attract ship that don’t clash constantly but instead fall into this adorable synergy and understanding? and i think thats so sweet A BROTP I have with said character: ...is it cheating to just put temari and kankuro here? bc they are literally his siblings but my GOD do i love their relationship. there’s something so deeply sad about their initial situation??? like having siblings that either are deeply fucking afraid of you or clearly don’t care for your well being whatsoever, it’s such a tragic scenario, and the times where they really do show legitimate care for gaara just breaks my heart...but the GROWTH. THE DEVELOPMENT. THE HEALING. i love the sand siblings so much, i am a STRONG advocate of seeing the development from estranged family to loving, occasionally bickering siblings who absolutely Love Each Other A NOTP I have with said character: uhhhh same with lee in that i don’t really mind most of the ships i’ve seen him in? while i don’t particularly ship gaalee i think its also Very Cute, and really it all just seems pretty valid as long as people aren’t being creepy? A random headcanon: i’ve been wracking my brain for one for a good 20 minutes and i just don’t have one he’s such a mystery to me/????? i love him but he is an enigma?? General Opinion over said character: oh my god he’s such an edgelord in the beginning. i’ve been doing a lot of this naruto rewatch with my friend @drashseed (a simply phenomenal fella 10/10 follow him) and every single time he talked the only valid response just became “ok gaara”

but his backstory? utterly HEARTWRENCHING. and his growth is just. absolutely divine, i adore him. thank you mister sandman for doing so much for us all.

Hinata

Sexuality Headcanon: Bisexual Gender Headcanon: cis woman A ship I have with said character: listen. i think kibahina is........Really Really cute. he cares about her so MUCH??? and there’s a certain tenderness to his interactions with her that’s just really evident whenever you see em together? i really love that you get the sense hinata is COMFORTABLE around him!!! like! i feel like hinata really deserves to have a partner who sees her when she ISN’T blushing and stammering? when she’s like? legitimately comfortable and being HERSELF? (dgmw the blushing is adorable i fucking love her but its one of the gripes i have with naruhina that so much of it is just naruto being oblivious and her having a small panic attack) the comfort she and kiba have make for a chill, adorable relationship i just cry over constantly A BROTP I have with said character: so i was GONNA put naruto here, but technically i already put him there for shikamaru’s so i’m gonna say neji!!! uhhh OBVIOUSLY they got off to a. very rough start but the way their dynamic changed (or perhaps in a way reverted back to the times they interacted before neji’s father died and temporarily killed his Human Decency) into this respect and fondness that’s just...such a delight to watch? i’m a SUCKER for slow and mutual reconciliation and there are just so many sweet moments between them. they are FAMILY, BRO!!! THEY CARE FOR EACH OTHER, BRO!!!!!!!!!! A NOTP I have with said character: ...at the risk of sounding like a broken record, i think a lot of hinata ships are quite cute? i guess i’m gonna have to say sasuke. because like.

has. he ever even looked at her. please. jesus christ. she deserves so much better. A random headcanon: she is a LOT physically stronger than she looks!! a lot of her combat techniques rely on taijustu after all so it’d make sense that she puts a lot of effort into physical training alongside chakra control.

i’m trying to say she’s strong. not as strong as sakura but. she can lift her bf up over her head (he’s dying hes dying he’s dYING he lOVES HER SO MUCH). it’s pretty fuckign badass

General Opinion over said character: i LOVE her??? honest to god i really really do--honestly while i dislike the direction they went in canon with her, i really loved seeing her be motivated to grow and change the parts of herself she hated to become a stronger person.

that and she’s so fucking cute and sweet and i just??????? bless her honestly.

#naruto #shikacho #narugaa #nejilee #kibahina #they speak #i cant tag everyone fuck #is this formatting fucked up? i can't tell it wouldnt post before #long post

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afterspark-podcast · 3 years

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My Little Pony/Transformers: Friendship in Disguise, Part 1 Transcript

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

O: So I'm like, “No, I'm just fine with pretending this never happened, honestly.”

[Intro Music]

O: Welcome to our April Fool’s Special!

S: The Transformers/My Little Pony: Friendship in Disguise crossover.

O: Specifically, issues 1 and 2 here. An episode covering issues 3 and 4 will be released in a few weeks. Um, so obviously our podcast doesn't normally talk about ponies.

S: For all that it too was a popular Hasbro franchise in the 80’s- I mean, still is.

O: Yes. I will attempt to give a short blip about My Little Pony characters that show up, but we're gonna kind of assume that you know the mane six. Which is Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie. Ah, Specs has seen some of the My Little Pony episodes, whereas I have seen... all of it at this point. Um, so I'm reasonably familiar with most of the characters. And uh, for the record, Twilight Sparkle is my favorite, but that's because she's basically me. [laughs]

S: This was a crossover comic that was released in 2020 (for your information).

O: Uh, most of the Transformers characters in here are part of kind of the regular G1 cast that you're all probably used to seeing in various things. Most of them we've talked about. There's a few we haven't um, because they just haven't popped up in the series yet. [Like Arcee.] The exceptions being Gauge who's from IDW2, and Windblade who's from IDW1, Cyberverse, and several other things.

S: Mm-hm. They did some fun things with the fonts and some of the other visuals in this.

O: Such as using the Transformers font for ‘Equestria’ and the My Little Pony font for ‘Cybertron’.

S: Mm-hm. And the character’s speech bubbles use the fonts from their respective series.

O: Some of the issues are done by who I think is the current artist for the My Little Pony comic series. While the rest are done by Transformers comic artists- like, plural, several of them.

S: And with that we begin.

O: Part 1: Transformation Is Magic!

S: In Equestria, a pony by the name of Quibble Pants is standing in front of a newsstand complaining about some very applicable meta issues.

O: Quibble's a side character. His whole shtick is that he picks apart plot and whatnot.

S: He's a bit of a nitpicker.

O: The newsstand pony tells Quibble (and by extension us) that this is all for fun. So don't worry too much about continuity here, guys.

S: Mm-hm, a loud clap of thunder transitions us to a nearby mountaintop where Queen Chrysalis is up to nefarious plots

O: She [Chrysalis] is villain. She is the queen of the changelings. She can transform into different creatures, basically, or different ponies. I think, judging by some of the background characters in some scenes later, that this is after she's lost control of most of the other changelings? Though she does have a small group working with her here.

S: She plans to bring forth other changelings from other worlds to take over Equestria.

O: I'm sure you can see where- where this is going. [laughs]

S: Mm-hm, and now, on cybertron.

O: The Autobots and Decepticons are fighting, shocker.

S: The Decepticons are clearly trying to take control of a malfunctioning space bridge.

O: A space bridge that Shockwave is convinced is breaching other dimensions.

S: Suddenly, all of the Autobots and Decepticons are zapped away through a portal.

O: Leaving only poor Grimlock to smash into view a few seconds later... thinking they have all ditched him.

S: Poor Grimlock.

O: Poor Grimlock. [laughs]

S: Back in Equestria, Twilight shows up with several royal guards to stop Chrysalis but it's too late and a portal opens, sending the Cybertronians zooming past through the air.

O: Twilight is horrified to see that Chrysalis has summoned living things that are about to go ‘splat’ onto the ground, or more likely ‘crunch’! [laughs]

S: Or possibly clank, if someone slows them down-

O: [laughs]

S: But I mean, who knows? Twilight speeds off to try and save the newly arrived Cybertronians. While Chrysalis stays behind to acquaint herself with Megatron.

O: Bee is both surprised and resigned to see himself falling to a colorful death.

S: But Optimus grabs Bee's hand, and intends to break his fall with his own body.

O: Optimus, are you okay? Do you need to talk? I feel like you need to talk. We need- we need to get you into therapy, dude.

S: It's all the self-sacrificing, but yes.

O: [laughs]

S: Yes, he needs some therapy. The two are saved by Twilight’s a very timely arrival and magical powers.

O: The Cybertronians are just as surprised by the ponies, as the ponies are of them.

S: Bee attempts to blend in by transforming into vehicle mode, to Twilight's consternation. But Twilight says that doesn't really help him blend in, but it's okay if they're different!

O: She comments on their ‘shape-shifting magic’ and that Chrysalis will be disappointed that they're friendly.

S: To which Optimus says... unfortunately, they are not all friendly.

O: And then we are given the most amazing image. [laughs]

S: Queen Chrysalis, as happy as a kid in a candy store, on top of a tank, aka Megatron.

O: Seriously, it's one of the best images in the comic. [dissolves into laughter] And one that was shared I think, pretty frequently after the comic came out? So it's very funny.

S: Mm-hm.

O: And we begin part 2 of issue 1: Shine Like A Diamond.

S: Rarity and her staff at her Manehattan boutique have been volun-told to get Starscream all dolled up for his coronation.

O: You know, the outfit he's in in the G1 movie, the purple cape and the crown get up.

S: Rarity attempts to calm him down, because he is being a snippy asshole during all of this.

O: Yes, with vague, implied threats throughout.

S: Mm-hm, so Rarity says, “Happy, healthy subjects show just how good their king is, don't they?”

O: A car is heard in the distance, much to Starscream's surprise, as he didn't think the ponies had cars. Which, he is correct!

S: Mm-hm, Arcee barrels into him with a flying kick.

O: And Starscream retreats.

S: Leaving Arcee and Rarity to introduce themselves.

O: They seem to become fast friends as Rarity thanks Arcee, and Arcee tries to help clean up the mess Starscream has made.

S: Unfortunately, Starscream returns with the rest of his trine in tow.

O: Arcee intends to fight them alone, but Rarity generates a magic shield to help protect Arcee while she fires on the jets.

S: Thundercracker takes a direct hit, while Starscream and Skywarp are herded closer together by Arcee's fire.

O: Once they're close enough, Rarity uses her magic to wrap the fabric from Starscream's cape, that she was helping make earlier, around the two of them.

S: Skywarp says, “This is stupid! I'm out,” and teleports away.

O: Leaving Starscream to nosedive to the ground with a boom.

S: Arcee compliments an exhausted Rarity on her help.

O: While they both agree they would do anything for their friends, and for each other! Now, you may notice that none of the My Little Pony characters have been shown in the Transformers universe, but that is about to change.

S: In issue 2, part 1: Inspiring.

O: It would seem that Twilight's assistant, Spike (the dragon) is wandering around the Ark writing a letter to Twilight.

S: Of course, with Grimlock being the only one left behind, he's presumably found Spike and brought him to the Ark.

O: Spike is of course very enamored with the big old Dinobot.

S: And Grimlock seems to like Spike quite a bit too. Even holding him in his open palm while they get an alert from Teletraan about an attack.

O: Said attack, by way of the Constructicons, who have come to destroy the Ark while everyone else is away.

S: Grimlock transforms into dino mode and meets them.

O: Grimlock makes the mistake of saying, “Puny Decepticons, even together you no match for Grimlock!”

S: To which, they respond by forming Devastator, and stomping the absolute crap out of him. “Grimlock and Grimlock's big mouth.”

O: Spike shouts words of encouragement to Grimlock, but quickly sees that the Dinobot is losing.

S: So he thinks, looks at the Ark, comes to a realization, and then runs inside to make his realization happen.

O: Inside, Spike flips through two large books. ‘Modern Cybertronian For Everyday Conversations’ and ‘Teletraan I For Dummies’.

S: He then climbs onto Teletraan’s console and starts the main engine cycle countdown.

O: Spike yells at Grimlock to get down.

S: Which is, you know, not that hard as Devastator is still stomping on him.

O: Devastator is then blasted by the bit of the Ark that's still sticking out of the ground, causing Devastator to fall to pieces.

S: The Constructicons flee, and Spike checks on Grimlock. Spike still feels pretty down about himself, because all he did was press some buttons. But Grimlock says Spike did even more than he did.

O: “Spike learned new language, and operations system in short time! Spike think of using busted engine as canon! Spike use pronouns!”

S: Grimlock tells Spike that Spike inspires him, and that he's full of potential.

O: Spike collapses into a happy little puddle of dragon that Grimlock called him, “Inspiring.” Their friendship is so cute! [laughs]

S: And now it's time for part 2 of issue 2: They Eat Ponies, Don't They?

O: We are brought onto the stage of a cooking show, “Prepping With Pinkie,” hosted by Pinkie Pie.

S: And a special guest, Gauge!

O: And all I can think is- Arcee she still one of her parents in this continuity? Is Arcee worried about her child!? [laugh]

S: And in the spirit of cultural exchange, Pinkie and Gauge will be sharing some of their favorite recipes in today's program. I never thought about giant robots having recipes before this, and I didn't want to think about it.

O: [laughs] Pinkie is, of course, making cupcakes. While Gauge has brought iron filing casserole.

S: Poor Pinkie and ah, several audience members are questioning their decision based on their facial expressions.

O: Pinkie goes to start her cupcakes, but suddenly everything starts shaking.

S: [singing] Dun, dun, dunnnn!

O: [snorts]

S: A space bridge appears with Shockwave stepping out of it.

O: He has, by his own admission, come to ‘spice things up.’

S: Ah, time for some puns. Unfortunately, his recipes require a bit more audience participation.

O: Shockwave’s apparently come to discover how much pony it takes to fuel one Decepticon.

S: [sighs]

O: [laughs]

S: He transforms his hands into a grater and a whisk, respectively.

O: Pinkie and Gauge evade him, causing him to demand that they stay still so he can finish his experiments.

S: Oh god, by attempting to whisk them!?

O: [laughs] I know, I know! I'm not saying it's sane!

S: I know, I mean, I read it too.

O: [laughs]

S: It’s just, now I have vivid mental images of this being attempted and everyone being very…

O: Confused? [laughs]

S: Yes. Gauge whacks him in the head with a cookie sheet, completely bending it out of shape, and tries to get Pinkie to flee.

O: Pinkie refuses, but in the background the show's audience is running through the exit door- at least part of their audience is running through the exit- exit door.

S: Mm-hm. Shockwave transforms his hands again, this time to a spork and spatula. Sporking them to death is not gonna work, dude!

O: Tell him that! [laughs]

S: Mm-hm, again, with the mental images. Gauge rips off the spork and spatula, sending Shockwave falling backwards, where Pinkie trips him.

O: Pinkie and Gauge grab some frying pans and bean Shockwave's face in between them.

S: Shockwave, thoroughly beaten by a small Cybertronian child and a pony, is kicked back into the space bridge and disappears.

O: The remaining audience claps.

S: And 47 minutes later, the duo tries the other's culinary... contributions.

O: Pinkie declares it as success, though her face implies she didn't enjoy the iron filing casserole.

S: In the background, Gauge is clearly trying to politely spit out the cupcake in a towel. [laughs]

O: And that ends issue 2. So, join us next time for issues 3 and 4 where we will finish this mini-series.

S: And that just about wraps it up for us today. Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned. You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod (all one word), and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast, such as AO3, iTunes, Spotify, and Youtube, just to name a few. And feel free to send us questions on Tumblr, Youtube, or AO3. Till next time, I’m Specs.

O: And I’m Owls!

S: Toodles.

[Outro Music Plays]

#transcript #afterspark #afterspark podcast #friendship in disguise 1 #friendship in disguise 2

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artificialqueens · 4 years

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Nostalgia, Part 4 (Rujubee) - Dartmouth420

nostalgia is a series that follows the re-ignition of raven/jujubee’s friendship (with benefits) while jujubee competes on all stars five and raven is working on set. there will be one chapter for every episode of AS5 where jujubee appears. drag names used with male pronouns.

summary: Jujubee is not going to be in the bottom this week due to a damn curse, thank you very much. But messing with other people’s feelings is never a good idea… because his own tend to get caught up in it too.

a/n: i had writers block but then i recovered by listening to hit the back by king princess like twenty times in a row lmao. enjoy the side mizbee (crackjubee?) also this is not how negotiating a dom/sub relationship should go in real life my friends, this is one hundred percent pure fantasy.

tw: dom/sub dynamics, mild daddy kink, mild choking, jealousy, smut

The day wasn’t going particularly well.

Jujubee was very much not appreciating the ‘challenge winner one week, bottom two the next’ curse that loomed over him. The challenge was improv and while Jujubee was confident in his improv skills he was feeling a little chagrined at the production’s decision to group together the queens with the most conflict. But whatever, this wasn’t RuPaul’s Best Friend’s Race, after all. Ha.

But Cracker decided that once again he needed to make a speech about however the hell he was feeling towards Blair. Blair took it in stride and Jujubee watched the whole thing like a tennis match. These little white boys needed to get their damn selves under control. Jujubee re-focused on the task at hand.

Luckily they broke from filming for lunch soon afterwards. Everyone ate and bitched and complained.

Movement caught Jujubee’s eye, and of course, there was Raven sauntering into the break room like he owned the place. He made a beeline to Jujubee, who nodded and opened his mouth to say hello. But with an extra little swing of his hips, Raven changed direction at the last moment and went over to Mayhem, whom he gave a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“I’ve been missing you bitch, it’s been too long!” said Raven, an arm around Mayhem, radiating charm.

The two of them were friends, considered Jujubee, shutting his mouth and taking in the surprised and pleased look on Mayhem’s face. They chatted back and forth for a couple minutes until Raven glanced over his shoulder at Jujubee, and then went over to speak to Shea.

“What you’re doing on the runway is everything,” complimented Raven, with a flirtatious little shake of his shoulders.

Jujubee raised an eyebrow. Raven was laying it on a bit thick.

“Thanks?” responded Shea, slightly confused, flashing Raven a smile, “Can I expect good reviews on FPR?”

“I’ll see how I feel in eight months, honey.” That stupid little tilt of Raven’s head. Shea’s wonderful laugh.

Raven gave Jujubee a knowing side-eyed look and then went over to Blair. Mayhem and Shea, Jujubee could understand, but he knew that Raven did not have an established rapport with Blair. Blair seemed surprised and vaguely taken aback by Raven, who asked him how filming was going and nodded understandingly to his answer and delicately touched the younger man’s back.

Well, now Jujubee was disgruntled. And pissed off about being disgruntled, because Jujubee did not lose his gruntle easily, thank you very much.

But two could play at this game. Jujubee glanced over to Cracker and India.

“… I just don’t know, I’m feeling fucking weird-” continued Cracker to India, who was nodding. Jujubee had to do something about this because he was not going to lose the challenge. Cracker needed to calm the fuck down, stat, and Jujubee could certainly manage that if he played his cards right. Succeeding in the competition was way more important than whatever the hell Raven was playing at.

“Hey,” said Jujubee, going over to Cracker, who was anxiously running his hands through his already-greasy hair again, “Come here for a minute, I need to talk to you.”

Jujubee glanced over at Raven who was watching him, a slight frown on his face as he half-nodded to what Blair was saying. Then Jujubee turned and left, Cracker in tow, feeling Raven’s eyes on his back all the way out.

Jujubee quickly made his way through the backstage area to the hallway where Raven had led him during that first week of filming. A PA stopped him and asked what he was doing but Jujubee waved her off with the excuse that they were heading outside for a smoke break. Cracker followed him silently.

“You need to calm the fuck down,” said Jujubee, opening the door to the disused equipment room where he and Raven had had such a lovely time, and motioned with his head. Cracker went in ahead of him, a suspicious look on his face. Jujubee flicked the light and shut the door.

Cracker looked around, “I’m trying, alright? I don’t know why I have all this drama out of the blue, but the challenge-”

“Look I’ve been doing this for a long time, it’s not that complicated,” stated Jujubee, “You’re funny. I’m funny. Blair’s a baby with a billion Instagram followers. We’re professionals, we can do this, and at the end of the day it’s just a damn TV show, so relax.”

“Yeah, I- okay,” said Cracker, nodding to him, gritting his teeth, “I can relax.”

That was just about the least relaxed statement Jujubee had ever heard in his life.

But perhaps words weren’t the best way to go about this. Perhaps Cracker just needed someone else to take charge. Bizarrely deciding to trust Raven’s statement from the other night in his hotel room, Jujubee went for it.

“That doesn’t sound very relaxed, girl!” laughed Jujubee, comfortable, “But maybe I can help you out with that…”

Now Cracker looked confused, and glanced around the room again, before his brown eyes landed back on Jujubee’s. And there was a little bit of intrigue, wasn’t there?

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying…?” said Cracker, inclining his chin.

“Stay quiet and don’t be a little bitch about it,” said Jujubee, allowing the dominant tone to slip into his voice. Clear, expectant, authoritative.

Cracker quirked an eyebrow in response, an interested smile growing.

Very pleased that things were going his way, Jujubee stepped forward and knelt in front of Cracker. Cracker took in a breath and gave Jujubee a quick nod of confirmation and Jujubee unbuckled Cracker’s belt, pulling his pants them down around his thighs and made straight for the rapidly hardening cock in his briefs. Interesting.

Aiming for efficiency, Jujubee got Cracker’s cock out, gave it an appreciative look and swirled his tongue around the tip, earning a very aroused noise from Cracker. Jujubee took it in his mouth and went to work.

“Oh, fuck,” muttered Cracker, the muscles in his thighs tensing. He didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands. Jujubee didn’t particularly like being touched while he gave head, but Cracker didn’t seem like the type to touch without asking, and he refrained from doing so, keeping his hands to himself.

Jujubee worked Cracker’s cock enthusiastically, and gripped his ass with his left hand and a little thrill grew in his gut. This was fun, quick and dirty and hopefully it would lead him to his end goal, which was getting Cracker to chill the fuck out so they could win this challenge together.

It wasn’t quite as much fun as face-fucking Raven in drag, but he really shouldn’t be comparing…

Soon enough Cracker’s breath was ragged, and he whispered, “I’m gonna come-”

Jujubee briefly considered the fact that he hadn’t properly prepared for this, and there weren’t any great options other than to just swallow. It wasn’t his favourite thing, but it would have to do for today.

Cracker let out a filthy groan, and Jujubee took it and swallowed, and then he moved back, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stood. Cracker was still recovering, tucking his cock back into his briefs, and re-buckling his belt with a shaking hand.

“Woah,” said Cracker, with a quick shake of his head, “That was good.”

“You feeling more relaxed, baby?” teased Jujubee.

“Yeah, actually,” murmured Cracker, “Maybe I was just pent up…”

Jujubee gave him an affectionate pat on the shoulder and then opened the door and glanced outside. There was no one in the hallway, so they left together.

That had been pretty fun, considered Jujubee as he followed Cracker back down the hallway to their break area, and he’d heard rumours of Cracker’s other talents in the bedroom. This could become a sensible arrangement. It wasn’t like Jujubee needed Raven, after all. Raven was chaotic, and he wasn’t even on the show this season. He was in an entirely different headspace than Jujubee and his fellow contestants.

Just as they were rounding the corner back to the break room, movement caught Jujubee’s eye again. He glanced through an open doorway into the makeup studio to see Raven look up, and give him a very pointed glare before returning to furiously brushing out a big blonde wig.

Jujubee didn’t say anything, nor did he stop. Raven’s feelings were his own problem, and Jujubee couldn’t let this nonsense get to him. But he did feel sorry for that poor wig.

Jujubee’s team performed excellently in the challenge and Jujubee felt pretty damn good about it. Almost having a little in-drag make out session with Cracker was pretty fun too, and Jujubee found he liked Cracker a lot better when his confidence was up.

The next day was the runway. Jujubee realized while watching everyone else get ready that perhaps his outfit was a bit minimal in comparison. Nonetheless, he thought it looked sleek and expensive, and the matching nails, clutch and shoes were a nice touch. But whatever.

Cracker won the challenge. Jujubee placed high as well and privately allowed himself a sigh of relief. He’d broken the curse, at least for tonight.

After the critiques they all trooped off the runway, and Jujubee affectionately touched Cracker’s back on the way out.

“Congratulations on the win, bitch,” whispered Jujubee into Cracker’s ear.

“Thanks,” he replied, “I think you’re owed it too.”

“Ah, I barely did anything.”

Cracker snorted, “You got me to relax, do you know how hard that is? I’ve led several doctors to burnout.”

“Looks like all you needed to be prescribed was a decent blowjob.”

Cracker chuckled and Jujubee followed him, last in line. The queens moved through to the backstage, going past where they filmed Untucked for the regular season into the area with the moveable walls that made up the hallway. There was a stretch where the crew was sparse, the cameras guys going ahead. A gap between two walls was ahead on Jujubee’s left. The PA behind him turned, pressing his headset, summoned back to the runway area.

A hand closed around Jujubee’s wrist and yanked him into the gap between the walls. Jujubee yelped in shock and then recovered his balance as he saw Raven before him in the dark alcove, six feet of petulant anger.

“Why are you flirting with him?” demanded Raven.

“The fuck?” managed Jujubee, yanking his wrist out of Raven’s grip, “Why are you pulling me out of the end of the line like some girl who’s the first to die in a horror movie?”

Raven ignored his question and asked another, “What was that, yesterday?”

Jujubee took a moment before answering. This seemed to be developing in a way that wasn’t ideal. First of all, he was in the middle of filming. Second of all, Raven’s behaviour had impulsive, chaotic, bratty bitch written all over it.

“You’re acting crazy,” stated Jujubee.

“Cracker’s the most annoying one of the lot-”

“I’m not gonna dignify this bullshit with an answer-” replied Jujubee, making to head back between the halls into the hallway. Usually there’d be a camera person or somebody in this little alcove, but-

“No, wait,” said Raven, and his tone had changed. No longer whiny and entitled, but serious.

“What?” demanded Jujubee, turning back to him, irritated. Just when Jujubee was fed up with Raven’s bullshit, he would change his tune. And it worked every time. He should really just leave-

“If we’re going to do this then I don’t want you fucking around with anybody else like, here,” stated Raven, crossing his arms, expression serious.

“What do you mean, this?”

“You know what I mean, this, this thing that always happens between us.”

Jujubee straightened and gazed at Raven imperiously, “You’re the one who suggested I fuck around with Cracker in the first place, and now you’re jealous?”

Raven rolled his eyes.

“Because I remember yesterday,” continued Jujubee, “When you were all over everybody at the lunch break, glancing over your shoulder making sure I was noticing you. You were trying to make me jealous, or some nonsense?”

“Well, it obviously backfired…” said Raven, giving Jujubee a self-deprecating half-smile, “I just wanted to get you riled up. You know why.”

Ah, of course that had been Raven’s angle. To be behave badly, to make Jujubee jealous and riled up so that he’d want to punish him the next time they interacted. Oh, it had worked on All Stars One, that’s for sure, and even way back on Season Two. They’d both been exhausted, stressed out messes, but still, Raven had always wanted to play. They were repeating some very old patterns here, Jujubee couldn’t do anything but shake his head.

“Bitch, you could’ve just said that.”

“Well-”

“No, seriously,” said Jujubee, gesticulating with frustration at the ridiculousness of it all, “Why the fuck are we standing in this hole in the hall talking about it? We’ve been doing this on and off for years, just admit that you want it. You want me to get dominant and possessive over you, and I want to punish you and fuck you silly. It’s not that complicated!”

Raven paused for a moment. Then he nodded and shrugged, leaning back against the wall and looking at Jujubee with a lazy, inviting expression, “Yes ma'am, you’re right. That’s exactly what I want.”

A thrill went down Jujubee’s spine, cutting through his irritation. Here they were, right in the middle of filming, between some fucking movable walls, sliding back into this dynamic. It was so easy, every time. Fuck, he should really just go, but-

Instead of leaving like a sensible human, Jujubee stepped froward and traced his long red nails down the side of Raven’s face. Raven practically shivered under his touch. Jujubee traced his jaw and then caressed Raven’s neck. A little sweat under his fingers, some stubble just beginning to grow back in.

Jujubee dug his sharp nails into Raven’s throat. Raven flinched, and let out an absolutely shameless moan under his breath.

“You have to give me respect,” ordered Jujubee, standing straight, holding eye contact, gaze steady, “When we’re in the same room you don’t even so much as look at anyone else.”

“Yes ma'am.”

“When I’m around you’re mine. You’re my bitch.”

“Yes, daddy,” replied Raven, running his tongue over his teeth.

“That’s right.”

Jujubee tightened his grip for a split second and then stepped back with a laugh and the moment was broken. Raven blinked a couple times, and stepped forward, picking a speck of fluff off Jujubee’s wig.

“Right, okay,” said Raven, smoothing out Jujubee’s camo-lined cape on his shoulders and looking him over approvingly, “Mmm, you look sleek. I love doing this when you’re in drag.”

“Why do I put up with you?” asked Jujubee, raising an eyebrow.

Raven leaned forward and whispered into Jujubee’s ear, with a tickle of warm breath, “Because I’m the best you’ve ever had, Cracker doesn’t hold up and you know it.”

“He has a real nice ass, actually-”

“Ugh, stop it!” replied Raven, bratty demeanour returning as he pulled back. The pink marks from Jujubee’s nails were apparent on his neck, but Jujubee hadn’t pressed hard enough to actually hurt him, let alone break the skin. It was satisfying to see them there nonetheless. They had a tendency to leave marks on each other, both visible and invisible.

“Get over yourself.”

Raven whined in response, and then he laughed, “Fuck. It’s always like this, isn’t it? Who was it I was trying to make you jealous with last time around? Manila?”

Jujubee laughed and the nostalgia tugged at him, but he held off indulging in the memory. There had been many petty disagreements all those years ago, but they were either jokes or water under the bridge now. They’d have time to reminisce later, if it came up.

“Come up to my hotel room in a couple days.”

“I’d love that.”

A voice from the hallway, “Anybody got eyes on Jujubee?”

It must be a producer. Uh oh. Jujubee craned his neck, glancing into the hallway.

“Ah shit, sorry-” murmured Raven, finally seeming embarrassed.

“I’ve gotta get back out there now, before they notice us,” whispered Jujubee.

Raven gently pushed Jujubee’s arm, “Go. I’ll hide out for a minute.”

Jujubee slipped back out into the hallway and made himself known, and was hustled away by some stressed-out crew member. Raven stayed hidden, presumably until the hallway was empty, and Jujubee didn’t bother looking back. Instead he reflected on what they’d both just admitted to, and seemed to have established between them.

Later on Morgan wiped the floor with Cracker during the lip-sync, and somehow they both won (that would have to be made up later in the editing, considered Jujubee) and Mayhem was sent home. Jujubee would miss him. The queens were dropping like flies, but he fully intended to be the last one standing.

The special little arrangement he had with Raven on the side would only add to his fun.

#rpdr fanfiction #rujubee #jujubee #raven #miz cracker #smut #canon compliant #jealousy #nostalgia #dartmouth420 #tw dom/sub dynamics #tw mild daddy kink #tw mild choking #submission #on set fic #as5 #s2

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matildainmotion · 3 years

Text

My Cure for the Blues, thanks to my Daughter who Loves Pink: What Might Yours Be?

I am blue. I don’t know why. There are many blatant reasons for blueness in the world right now - more than there have ever been in my lifetime - yet still I don’t know why. If I did I wouldn’t be blue. I would be sad with purpose. Or angry. Or upset. But what I have is a slightly pointless feeling. Being blue is vague. Vaguely low. A big wash of a dark colour, devoid of detail.

Meanwhile my four year old daughter is definitely not blue - she’s pink. “What’s your favourite colour today?” She asks, everyday. I find it a hard question to answer with accuracy, perhaps because of my vague blue feeling. She does not: “What’s yours?” I say. “Pink,” she replies with absolute certainty, “And gold.” Another favourite question of hers, that she poses most evenings at supper: “What are you the fairy of?” The grown-ups round the table come up with various quips in answer: Daddy is the fairy of mashed potato; Granny is the fairy of hearing aids; Mummy is the fairy of tiredness.

“And you, Tenar?”

“I’m the fairy of beauty, sparkly things and everything I like,” she replies, while skipping up and down beside the dinner table, because the fairy of beauty is much too busy to pay any heed to the fairy of meal time manners. Her favourite Christmas present was a gold princess gown, which she dons daily, and Snow White-like, checks in the mirror to see if she looks suitably fair. She wants to grow her hair down to just above her bottom.

This all comes as rather a shock to me because I was not a pink girl - my favourite colour as a child was navy blue, no pastels please. I refused to wear dresses. I had a party boiler suit- dark blue - for birthdays. I climbed trees, ran along garden walls and lived in trousers. I was inconsolable when my father once brought me back a kilt as a present from a trip to Scotland - imagine being given a skirt! Despite being told this was a skirt meant for men, despite the photos in the family photo drawer of my father, a proud soldier in a Black Watch regiment kilt, I remained unconvinced. I have stayed relatively consistent in my tom-boyness into adult life. As a mother my children rarely see me in dresses, hardly ever in make up. Mummy has long hair under her armpits and on her legs but often shaves her head.

Given the version of womanhood I have presented to my daughter, I assumed her predilection for pink princesses was a result of the vicious marketing to which children, especially girls, are subjected - the bright pink magazines with plastic toy lipsticks and hair curlers sellotaped onto the front, placed at just her height on the wracks near the supermarket check out. This is just one example of the many things about the world that make me blue so, when her pink princess phase began, I set to work.

I had already consistently switched pronouns around in books - mostly from he to she - or had discussions with my daughter about the absence of active female heroines. More recently, her questions such as “Why is it girls that have long hair?” Or, “Which one of these princesses is the most beautiful?” lead to long discussions about the history of fashion, gender as a colourful spectrum, and how peacocks are just one example of a species in which it is the boy that gets to wear the gorgeous feathers. None of this seems to make the slightest difference to my daughter’s commitment to pink, but two developments recently have eased my concerns and made me think that there is more than 21st Century patriarchal capitalism at work in her choices, and that the pink thing - or the thing for pink -that is sustaining her spirits through this hard time might actually contain within it a clue to the medicine I need for my blues.

Firstly, last weekend, after a day on which I had had to work and so had resorted to letting Tenar watch Disney’s Cinderella (the 1950 animation) she ran back and forth during supper and told us her version of the story. In her rendition, she played the part of the fairy godmother, and having magically rustled up a stunning dress for Cinderella, she thought she should be the one who got to enjoy it. So it was she, the fairy godmother, who danced the night away with Cinders. And what of the prince? No princess for him - he was left with a slice of pizza. After three nights of dancing together, Cinderella married Tenar, the fairy godmother, and they lived together happily ever after, with an ever-expanding wardrobe of fabulous dresses. The prince married the pizza, and was, apparently, content with his lot.

I was reassured by this that my daughter is in no way either a passive consumer of pink-ness or likely to become an easy victim of social norms. Soon after marrying Cinderella, she came up with the second thing which allayed my concerns, and made me question my fast feminist assumptions as to what is at work in her psyche. She announced, seemingly out of the blue (that colour again), that one day she wants to acquire a white, calm, mare.

We have some chickens, but on the whole we are not an animal-focussed family. No cats. No dogs. Certainly nothing as large and demanding as a horse. My daughter accepts the fact that owning a horse is a big deal - you need a stable, a meadow, and various other bits of kit, so she is going to be patient - not a quality that comes to her easily - and wait, but it is important that she gets the mare when she is still young, she says, by the time she is twelve. By then her hair should have grown to her full desired length and both she and the white mare can ride over the fields with their locks streaming behind them. She is also keen on a cart to go with it, which will, she says, make shopping much easier and less boring. She will look after it very well: she will dress it in garlands of flowers, feed it hay and apples and exercise it daily. Its stable will be right beside the pink, gold and violet-painted bedroom of her own, into which she will also have moved by the time she turns twelve.

I am not entirely sure from where this horse has ridden into her mind. She has a sticker book of white unicorns, but much of the dream seems to be of her own invention. I am not about to surrender to an essentialist narrative and suggest that all little girls harbour a horsey dream - how could I when I myself never have?- but it has touched me, this sudden passion for a white horse, the oddly mature way in which she discusses the details of it, and it makes me think there is more than magazine marketing at work in her.

My husband plays Tenar the theme tune to White Horses, the 1960s TV series, whilst I remember all the stories I know that feature a woman and a horse. One of my favourite Ted Hughes’ tales concerns the first woman complaining to God that she is bored - she wants a playmate. After trying out various creations and getting it horribly wrong, God finally gets it right when, out of the crests of the waves, he conjures a horse, who rides ashore to greet the waiting woman. Going further back in time, there are the tales of Epona and Rhiannon, Celtic horse goddesses which I know of thanks to mother-maker, Jackie Singer, who made a brilliant show about them that explored women’s power and sexuality - both its repression and liberation. Rhiannon in particular, who can outride any man with ease, is no passive princess. Whilst the image of a girl dressed in pink is no more than eighty years old, the image of a woman riding a horse is clearly a good deal older. However, irrespective of age (simply using the fact that something has been around for a long time is a highly dubious reason for justifying it - patriarchy, for example, is ancient!) it seems to me, listening to Tenar, that she has somehow tapped into an image-geyser - it has sprung up mysteriously, and with tremendous energy. It feeds her. Life is tough, we are confined in a tiny house, while we try to stay well, stay sane, shield Granny, but my daughter is buoyant, not blue, because she is dreaming of horses- I need some of what she’s got.

But I never dreamt of horses. They don’t do it for me. I think back to when I loved navy blue and try to recall what else I was dreaming of then. What made me run around the kitchen table with delight like my daughter does? And then the answer comes: I wanted a meadow too, but not for a horse. I wanted a cabin in one corner - I was going to run across the meadow, barefoot, marvel at the wonder of the world and then head into my cabin and write. I didn’t want to be a princess, I wanted to be a poet. With the same passion, the same weird mix of realism and fantasy as I see in my daughter and her horse ambitions, I made plans for my poetry cabin. I remembered this when I watched the amazing Amanda Gorman, not dressed in pink or blue but brightest yellow, reciting at Biden’s inauguration - a young poet woman warrior. I can feel it does me good to summon up this archetype, this image. It starts, slowly, to dispel the blue. It’s a dose of a meaning-of-life medicine, the first iteration of it that I ever brewed for myself and so, because of this, it still holds a certain potency. As Victor Frankl argues in his classic Man’s Search for Meaning a sense of purpose, of meaning, is what we (man, woman, or betwixt and between) need to survive the hardest times - a holocaust, a global pandemic, or, closer to home, just a tough day of schooling with the kids.

So, here are your questions for the month - actually a mix of my daughter’s questions and mine:

What is your favourite colour today? What are you the fairy of? What do or did your children, if you have them, dream of? And what were your own childhood dreams? And can your answers to these questions change the colour of your days?

As I type this, Tenar is sitting on my lap, and she has asked for the last word. I have said she can dictate and I will type. Over to Tenar, then, to finish this off:

“I ask my mum so many questions that I feel in my body and I say my heart is the thing that controls my feelings. I ask every night to my mum, why she was a tom boy? And I say that I love you as much as I am going to love everything around me, and I love my heart, and my horse. And I am a girlie girl, not like my mummy. I love princesses, I say, every night.”

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idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf · 4 years

Note

Do you have any headcanons to share about trans girl Gumball?

Ahh, okay, I think about trans girl Gumball a lot (especially since the fanfiction series i’m planning out is gonna feature trans Gumball)

- She’s actually one of those people who know they’re trans from a pretty young age. I mean, obviously Gumball didn’t have the exact word for it for most of her life but always was aware that it’d be better if she was a girl. I mean, she always played princesses when she was little and couldn’t imagine not playing the role of a female character during these make-believe games. And Gumball always felt really nice in feminine clothing, more comfortable than in her own clothes, even, and took every excuse to dress up in girly clothes. And it just kinda felt better to use female labels and pronouns. Despite this, though, it took her a while to realize she was actually trans. I mean, literally, she had no idea she was actually a girl, she just thought how she felt was normal. Even after hearing the word transgender it took a while before Gumball associated it with herself.

- The first person (other than Gumball) to know about Gumball being a girl is actually Rob. She accidentally lets it slip during a fight and proceeds to have a panic attack right there mid fight behind a Denny’s. Rob is shockingly cool with it (though he seemed to think Gumball being trans was a ‘diversity grab’ by the writers of the show and not a fundamental part of who she is that was always there, but she’s pretty sure that’s just because Rob’s deeply convinced that they didn’t matter and had no free will and that kind of thing so she wasn’t offended). Rob adjusted to new pronouns pretty easily. Neither of them really worried about other people hearing Rob use female pronouns for Gumball cause the universe decided having a trans character wasn’t okay and censored it, meaning that somehow nobody ever noticed. Having the support of someone else- especially someone who legitimately hated her- really gave Gumball a boost of confidence. I mean, Rob despises Gumball, right? That means he wasn’t just being nice and calling her a girl to spare her feelings, which absolutely made her happy.

- Nobody else figures it out until after the show ends. I mean, the universe hides things from people. Even if Gumball told anyone they’d probably forget all about it right after. And uh..maybe she was a little scared to tell anyone. I mean the first person she’d have to tell was Darwin, but if he rejected her that meant nobody would ever accept her because Darwin was literally the best person Gumball knows and of course her brother and best friend. If anyone in the world would accept her, it’s Darwin, but if Darwin of all people was unaccepting, then she couldn’t imagine anyone else would support her. At first she kinda didn’t want to tell him at all, and she knew he’d never notice something was up. I mean, Darwin knew Gumball better than anyone in the entire universe and could read her. He knew her brain, her heart, everything she thought or felt. He could predict her every move and every word that came out of her mouth. But the universe didn’t want anyone to know and Darwin Watterson was hopelessly under it’s spell..........as one may expect, the moment the show ended, Darwin figured it out. Literally the next day he confronted Gumball about how something was wrong. Within that conversation he managed to figure out she was trans. When the show was over Gumball couldn’t really hide behind the universe’s censorship anymore. Luckily Darwin was supportive. Of course he was. When would Darwin and Gumball Watterson not support one another?!? Sure Darwin could be mean sometimes- who wasn’t mean to Gumball sometimes?- but they were in sync in every sense of the word and nothing was gonna change that.

- Immediately after, Gumball was desperate to hide her identity from other people. When Darwin had her back she felt like it would be okay to tell everyone else eventually, but she wanted to do it on her terms. Basically, Gumball didn’t want anyone else to figure it out on their own. Yeah, nobody knew her as well as Darwin and wouldn’t be able to read her like he did, but what if she let something slip like she did with Rob? What if they just saw how she acted and put it together the same way she had? There were too many variables. And, well...Gumball figured they needed someone with brains to help her hide it until she was ready. And that’s why she ended up telling Anais. Or, well, she had Darwin tell Anais, Gumball herself was too afraid to (He said she was a coward but did it anyway when he realized just how freaked out Gumball was). She basically told them that nobody else would figure it out. She herself hadn’t even been close and she was a genius who’d lived with Gumball their whole life. Besides, there wasn’t really any way to...hide it more than she already had been.

- The last person Gumball tells at the time is Penny. That one was the most dramatic. She hadn’t felt bad about hiding it from Rob so there wasn’t any guilt when he found out, Darwin figured it out on his own so she didn’t need to worry about telling him, and she’d been certain Anais would accept Gumball when they told her. However Penny was more daunting. Gumball had no doubt that Penny would acknowlege her as a girl and use the right pronouns and all that (Gumball looked at Penny like she hung the stars on the sky, as if there was any chance she’d be transphobic), but she was still scared. I mean, the thing is, Gumball didn’t even know if she liked girls. And if she didn’t, then they’d have to break up. And what’s more, if Penny didn’t like girls, did that mean Gumball coerced Penny into the relationship without consent? I mean, lying about your gender was pretty serious. And the longer she went without telling her girlfriend the more horrendously guilty she became for lying about something like that. When Gumball confided in her siblings about her feelings, Darwin agreed that lying to her girlfriend about it was a bad thing to do, and that was basically the breaking point. Gumball basically went to Penny crying and insisted she had to break up with her. At first Penny thought that meant Gumball didn’t love her anymore or that she did something wrong. Then when she was told that it was because Gumball ‘betrayed’ her she assumed Gumball cheated on her or something. And after a few misunderstandings, each worse than the last, you can imagine how relieved Penny was to hear that this terrible betrayal was just...the fact that she was dating a pretty girl, which she quickly assured Gumball that she was very happy about.

- After that Gumball didn’t really tell anyone for a while. Her siblings and girlfriend were enough. And they were very supportive. Yeah sometimes Gumball wanted to strangle Darwin, who was very prone to slipping up. Calling her by female pronouns around people who didn’t know, talking to people about Gumball as her sister, telling people he had two sisters, or telling people that he had an older sister. Calling Gumball ‘sis’ in public once. Literally flinching every single time someone who didn’t know the truth used the wrong pronouns. I mean, Gumball wanted to slap her brother for being so obvious but she almost cried from joy over the fact that Darwin always thought of her as a girl, even when he was talking to other people, and she really loved her brother, so she held off on murdering him over it. Meanwhile Anais was surprisingly good for helping with dysphoria. I mean, she wasn’t particularly good with emotional support, but she had all the facts on the psychology behind the things Gumball felt and she knew how to help her deal with it. It was a mental health thing, which made it a psychology thing, which Anais reasoned kinda made it a science thing, and that was her department. And she was good at giving Gumball ways to cope with the whole thing. Meanwhile Penny was just always telling Gumball how happy she was to have such a pretty girlfriend, and she bought Gumball feminine clothes because Penny’s parents didn’t really question it if she asked for dresses and skirts and stuff like that (she was a girl after all, even if she never wore clothes out).

- Surprisingly (or not depending on how you think about things), the least supportive reaction she got was from her parents. Nicole, at first, didn’t actually believe her. Gumball’s mom was convinced that she wasn’t actually trans because he refused to believe that she didn’t know something like that about her kid. I mean, Nicole is obsessed with being in control of and knowing what was going on with her family, of course she rejected the idea that she had missed such a key part of her own child’s identity. She refused to acknowledge the possibility that she hadn’t known she had a daughter. Nicole did, however, know that Gumball had a tendency for attention seeking. So...at first she kinda assumed Gumball was faking it. But uh...after Anais and Darwin vaguely disproving of Nicole (they both crave her love so deeply that they didn’t outright condemn her but they also definately didn’t support her and make some passive aggressive remarks, and the whole thing was kinda new, because usually when Gumball did something she deemed wrong- weather it was actually bad or not- the other’s didn’t even acknowledge it), and Gumball having a huge depressive episode, Nicole kinda realized that maybe Gumball was telling the truth and not lying for attention, and accepted that Gumball was a girl. After that, though, she kinda went in the opposite direction. Every woman wants a super girly daughter- it was why she had Anais wearing dresses and encouraged her playing with dolls- but Anais was a genius and probably gonna go to college and be a scientist someday. With a second daughter Nicole suddenly saw an opportunity to have an ideal super girly typically feminine daughter. As a result she kinda tried to push Gumball into coming out to the general public way before Gumball was ready, which really freaked her out. Nicole’s parenting is as questionable as ever, basically, but she’s not like...a terrible person. Gumball just ends up not feeling comfortable with confiding much in her about the subject. Meanwhile Richard kinda has a hard time with pronouns cause he doesn’t try very hard to do anything, really. He doesn’t remember precisely what his kids look or sound like, so sometimes he forgets Gumball’s a girl, but he like...does accept it. He has a hard time remembering but it’s not like he actually rejects the idea.

- Literally everyone is okay with Gumball being a girl. I mean, aside from Nicole not believing her at first most people immediately accepted her identity. People like Carrie, Teri, Alan, and Carmen were aware of what it meant to be transgender and were fine with it. Meanwhile Tobias, Idaho, Ocho, and Anton were a bit more confused but basically thought Gumball becoming a girl was some weird transformation like that time Penny went from being a peanut to being a magic fairy shapeshifter thing. Everyone accepted it though.

- The school staff still kinda sucks. All of them accept that Gumball is a girl as fact but uh...Lucy Simian is a horrible awful person and ‘accidentally’ (on purpose) uses the wrong pronouns for her specifically to hurt her sometimes. Steve Small decided to poke and prod and pry into Gumball’s emotions cause he’s got a complex or something and likes to dig into people’s feelings where he doesn’t belong. The whole thing kinda just serves to make Gumball hate school more

- Gumball highkey ends up being like super feminine. All the time. What are normal pants, she now exclusively wears skirts, sorry. Partially cause she’s insecure about how other people see her and wants to make sure everyone realizes she’s a girl, partially because she knows she’s pretty in them and likes being popular so it’s a win for her that she’s more popular when she’s pretty, and partially because sometimes she just needs to feel girly, okay? It’s an Anais approved method for dealing with dysphoria, doubling up on feminine clothing- and makeup (for whatever god forsaken reason Gumball doesn’t have a therapist so she relies on Anais and the internet for helping her deal with mental health stuff)

- As happy as Gumball is in general with the fact that most people around her are accepting and that new people tend to automatically read her as female (a combination of being pre pubescent and dressing very feminine she suspects), dysphoria still exists and it hits her incredibly hard because it tends to tag team her with her other mental illnesses. Like dysphoria will hit her hard and it’ll bring her anxiety or her bipolar disorder with it and she literally hates it. Like she will skip school for days because it gets super bad. Like bad to the point where people genuinely worry about her. Gumball is good at hiding her issues but not good enough to not freak people out when all her mental issues hit her at once.

- Okay like everyone is accepting of Gumball but then there’s Harold Wilson. Who is embarrassingly transphobic. And got sucker punched by Darwin Watterson for it. Same thing happened to Felicity Parham. That may be one of the reasons nobody else has ever given Gumball much trouble, tbh.

- Gumball being a girl actually brings her and Anais a lot closer. Like, Anais isn’t the only girl anymore, she has an older sister now. And the relationship between sisters is very different than the relationship between a brother and sister, and Anais really likes having another girl to look up to. Darwin ends up becoming even more protective over Gumball than he was before, if that’s even possible (because Gumball is a pretty girl entering puberty and there are creepy guys out there and Darwin literally has tried to strangle a few). Gumball finds it hilarious.

- Once someone on the internet accused Gumball of faking being trans because her name is so abnormal. Of course she had her name before she realized she was trans, but she didn’t get the chance to explain that before she had a meltdown over it. Accusing people of faking their gender identity isn’t cool. It hurt a lot. She stuck a little closer to her siblings for the rest of the day and was a little quieter than usual at dinner that night and wore heavier makeup the next day (her mom lets her wear light makeup but today she was definitely pushing the limits of what their mother would allow her not even teenage daughter to wear)

- She actually genuinely becomes a happier person after coming out as trans. Partially cause she actually gets to be herself, partially because people just generally like her better as a pretty girl (she the episode the dress, lol), partially because her mom now seems to approve of her more often (Nicole appreciates Darwin for being well behaved and Anais for being smart, and believe it or not but since ‘pretty feminine girl’ is seen as a positive trait by society, Nicole has decided Gumball isn’t a complete waste of space after all). Overall things are just...a lot better after everyone knows she’s a girl.

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ais-n · 4 years

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How do you create your characters? (anon ask)

Another question from the same anon I mentioned in the other post:

In general, how do you create your characters, especially their psychology/thought process/ flaws?

haha I have two answers to this - and they depend on the level of ridiculous I’m being.

MORE THOROUGH - CHARACTER BIO TEMPLATE:

I actually have a character bio template I made so it was easier for me to track multiple aspects of characters in complex stories. You can download and adjust/use however you’d like - more info at http://aisylum.com/give-and-take/resources/ or download directly as .odt, .doc, or .rtf.

I made that for my fantasy series but you can just change whatever you want to fit better for your particular situation.

In the thorough cases like this, I will usually start with some sort of idea of the character, whatever that may be, put that into the character bio, and build out from there. Sometimes the vague idea is the gender and/or orientation, sometimes it’s their past, sometimes it’s just a snippet of dialogue I think of someone saying and I have to figure out who would say that thing in that way and why.

I also try to think about what leads to what.

Like, Boyd was starved of consistent love and stability as a child, so he came to fully believe he didn’t deserve it while also desperately and subconsciously seeking it out. But because he also had low self-esteem and other issues including a number of tragedies in his past, he became self-destructive at times in his quest for feeling loved or needed. He was willing to put the needs of others above the health of himself, if it meant he wouldn’t be abandoned. Which meant he would be reckless at times, and it meant his emotions would vary hugely when it came to relationships; he would do really stupid things out of fear of losing love or acceptance because he had wished so dearly for it for so long - but that can also backlash and lead to the very thing he feared because he was doing things at times for the wrong reasons or was too willing to compromise when it would be healthier for everyone to stand his ground.

Or, looking at my LGBTQIA+ sci-fi/fantasy/cop/murder mystery-type story Incarnations for other examples - Cypress is a type of Mage (magic-user) who is maligned by pretty much the whole world, especially by other Mages. His kind was all killed in a genocide centuries ago. For various reasons that also pertain to his past (and which would be a spoiler to dictate right now but come up later in the book), he has a huge distrust for other people, to the point at times of rage and hatred and violence. He has almost no one who has been on his side and stayed on his side from the start, except his twin brother. But that comes with its own set of fears, of what would happen if something happened to his brother?, and because he equates emotions to weakness, and he loathes weakness, he can be very aggressive and cynical and sarcastic when interacting with other people. But at the same time, precisely because he’s the type of Mage who gets hunted down and killed or detained by others, and because of how he grew up, he’s learned how to stay under the radar and how to blend in when needed. For all his rage inside, he’s very good at playing a part if he has to, and those two pieces of him may feel at direct odds to one another but they’re just two sides of the same coin. He has the rage because of who he is, and because of who he is he had to learn to not be seen. He is volatile at best when he’s being his own ‘normal’ and yet he can act totally ‘normal’ according to the rest of the world at the drop of a hat if needed. You could meet him in the middle of a grift and have no clue he’s anything other than a regular Joe Schmoe kind of dude who wouldn’t hurt a fly, when in fact he wouldn’t hesitate to brutally kill you if circumstances made it in his best interest.

Basically, I often try to think of what makes sense for how people would react to things they’ve been through (both good and bad), and then how that might affect their behavior going forward, and what would positively or negatively affect that.

One very short, truncated example I’ll give is Sloane, another Mage from Incarnations; because of an event in her past that she survived and others didn’t think she should have, she’s seen as a monster by much of the local community. She became inured to random death from a young age, so she doesn’t question things the way you might expect someone to in the same circumstances, but she also became resentful of others because of how she was treated. She was a troubled child who acted out a lot, but then she had one person who decided to keep reaching out to her, again and again, despite how often she lashed out. And that person became a sense of stability for her, that led to her doing a 180. She went from a kid who was constantly in juvie to being a cop (in this world’s equivalents). There’s a lot more to her story but that’s just a quick way of showing her past and the way people treated her affected her negatively until she had enough of a positive impact on her life from someone else that she ended up changing her trajectory.

I work through a lot of those sorts of things when filling out the character bio so I get a good idea of their past, their tendencies, their biases, etc. And then there’s a section that asks questions like what would build them up, what would bring them down, what is needed for them to progress, etc. I answer those questions as much as I can, and oftentimes get some revelations about the character along the way. And then I look at the plot of the story as a whole and see if it makes sense to include pieces along the way that will provide character progression (or regression) for the character.

That can be a good way of not only making sure characters don’t stagnate in a story, while also providing layers to the plot itself so that it’s not just about one single thing - there are multiple things happening along the way that provide something potentially interesting or fun or whatever as well.

I personally like to write stories where you can enjoy it as much or more on the second, fourth, tenth read as you did on the first... I want to try to add little things, if possible, that you may glance over the first time without enough context but later can go back and say OHHH when you know more. I find that doing that is particularly fun and enjoyable and easy when you have character progression or little character quirks you can include along the way, because it doesn’t have to be some big dramatic thing for the plot of the world or overall story. It can be something as simple as a character with long hair deciding to cut their hair off, or someone who always wears shoes and makes fun of another person who goes barefoot, now trying to go barefoot and thinking “oh crap, I get why they liked this all along.” It can be totally inconsequential things for the series as a whole that have some sort of meaning for the character or reader, big or small.

I get bored easily both as a reader and a writer so I guess to me that brings in a level of entertainment.

So essentially, I start with something that either I feel I know about the character or makes sense to me about the character, then I try to think about how they would view this thing, and then I try to think about logically what would follow based on their worldview. And that often will lead to flaws, psychology, thought processes, etc. You could think of it like “What would I do if I were them?” but try to not put your personal values in place of their own.

Like, I would never murder the fuck out of people so callously as Cypress does, but I want readers to understand why he does, and for that I need to understand too as the writer or else that’s asking way too much for the readers to understand something I don’t.

QUICKER, LESS RIDICULOUS WAY

I don’t always want to fill out a whole ass memoir/biography on a character to write or create them - sometimes I just want something simple.

In those cases, I don’t write everything down like that bio template, and I don’t go into such specific and detailed questions about every part of their past and their relationships and what they do or don’t need to get better or etc. Instead, I’ll just go with the vibe of someone - what’s the information that’s of import for them as a person and their particular story? Sometimes that’s gender, orientation, race, etc, or sometimes it’s things they like (like spooky things) or things they hate (like restrictive rules).

I try to do more of an overview of why they are how they are, and therefore how they may react to certain things, but I don’t worry myself about going deep into their thought process and psychology to know every detail of how and why. Because depending on the story, I don’t even need to know that information.

I tend to do more of a ‘surface-level’ view of characters for my short stories, because going super in depth would work against what I’m trying to do when I write those - which is develop SOME sense of brevity in my life. Somewhere lol

A good example of that mentality is probably my short story Five Star Review which is about a god and a spiritual being having a conversation in a closed restaurant. In that story, both main characters are they/them, because that’s the pronouns that worked, and they are very briefly described but barely at all. That story is more about philosophy and the way spirituality/religion interacts with humanity, so that’s what more of the focus is on. I didn’t need to know every single thing Deity (the god) has ever thought, because it’s irrelevant; I just needed to know how they would feel about the particular topics brought up in this particular story. And then, if the dialogue, plot, or otherwise leads to it, I could figure out their flaws or merits as needed, based on the sort of “person” they had already shown themself to be in the previous scene(s).

I don’t know if that helps or if all of that is more confusing. But I basically just start with something I feel I know about the character, then build on that in the context of the world or environment they would have developed in, and then just kind of follow the logic along.

Also, if that doesn’t lead to flaws or any depth of the character, I will go back and look at something central to them, and try to see if there is anything seemingly directly opposed that could be introduced as a flaw or aspect of them. Because I feel that humans are rarely one-sided, and oftentimes the complexity of us is because of juxtapositions within ourselves we have or haven’t come to terms with. So to make a character feel more “real,” I think it’s important for them to have at least two things about them that don’t, at first glance, seem like it makes sense - but it doesn when you think about them as a person growing up where they did, or how they did, or where they are now, or whatever other piece of them. Not only does that feel more nuanced as a character and more realistic, but it also introduces some internal conflict that can be used as character progression or, at the very least, something interesting to bring in when the plot is in a lull and you don’t know where to go next.

For me, the most important thing is being willing to change my presumption of the character as the writer, if the character naturally develops in a different direction. And therefore also being willing to change the plot to accommodate, instead of forcing the character to follow the plot.

Sorry this post was a million miles long..... hopefully it helps, like, at all, and isn’t just massively confusing.

#ask ais #icos #icosbooks #in the company of shadows #writing #incarnations #wildwood rising

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storywriting · 4 years

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[ Bc yall have foolishly greenlit my Nirvash Headcanon production, here is a general discussion of who I think Nirvash is and I’ll thank you to give me excuses to be more specific. ]

First things first. The Nirvash is the first creature Eureka ever had a conversation with or considered her friend. While Eureka had to learn to speak to people, the ability to communicate with her own kind is one of the few things she was born knowing, so she took to Nirvash right away. The Nirvash is unfortunately one of the main factors that ended up landing her as an emotionally stunted military dog instead of having a normal life where she is nurtured and fully educated by humans. I honestly think if the folks in the lab hadn’t realized her piloting potential, Eureka would have been raised as a completely different person. Since science had never been able to crack the Nirvash typeZERO, she was very valuable to have. They didn’t waste their budget on anything else once they knew that.

I also think the Nirvash had never been called Nirvash by people prior to the discovery of Eureka. Nirvash was exclusively called the typeZERO until Eureka was able to communicate enough to tell humans the name.

Vaguely related, Eureka’s name is also not human given because she is named after an event experienced by the scub coral and it doesn’t make sense to me that humans in 11005 or whatever would think to name her after something that happened in like 2005. Eureka’s name comes from the very first time Scub Coral entered Earth’s atmosphere, where it crashed into a satellite and was forced to make a home in the Earth’s oceans. Based on what Sakuya says, it’s likely that the whole of the coralian system became aware when it was decided Eureka would be born. Nirvash likely told Eureka her own name if she didn’t already know it herself.

Archetypes are sexless, so as one might expect, Nirvash doesn’t have a particular concept or interest in gender identity. Eureka calls Nirvash “he” in the original series dub and “she” in all future adaptations. I suspect that using “he” might have originally been a mistake by the localization team since Nirvash isn’t voiced until the very end and the Japanese language doesn't really ever require a speaker to designate a gendered pronoun. Whether it was a mistake or on purpose, I tend to explain this by just saying that Eureka copied the words other people used whenever she would personify the Nirvash to them. That would be in line with her character.

Eureka also speaks about Nirvash like a child quite often even though Nirvash is most certainly an older life form than she is. I suspect this is to do with a difference in experience and the higher barriers of understanding for a creature like Nirvash. Put simply, Nirvash is a less developed creature than Eureka is.

In the AU movie archetypes arent the same type of creature as in the main series--they were made or evolved differently. In the film, the Larval Nirvash is somewhat intelligent. Larval Nirvash pays attention to people and tries to participate in conversations despite being unable speak. 10/10 very tiny and cute and runs around, always doing their best.

I honestly believe that main series Nirvash has a similar temperament and level of intelligence to this AU iteration. Also, the way Eureka speaks about Nirvash, like a child, in my mind supports the idea that the Nirvash is capable only of very simple thoughts and ideas early on. Nirvash isn't enlightened, per se. At least not at the beginning. Nirvash is a failed attempt at making a person. It makes sense that Nirvash would be less advanced. If we could hear Nirvash's early conversations with Eureka, I suspect Nirvash's interests and concerns would sound pretty simplistic. I hesitate to compare Nirvash to any stage of human development tbh, mostly because it seems like Nirvash is very intelligent about certain things (like in battle, Nirvash makes very strategic choices), but probably couldn't even match a toddler on other things. Emotional intelligence, for example, is probably something that takes a while for Nirvash to pick up even the tiniest shred of. Still, Nirvash's wants and feelings do seem to become slightly less simplistic over time. Still simple compared to a person, but the feedback Eureka gives originally is like "nirvash is happy" and by the end it's more like "nirvash feels x complex way because of what they did when x happened and how it turned out". Put simply, Nirvash knows what Nirvash knows, but not much else. Nirvash is maybe like Eureka in that regard. They're in their own weird stage of development where some of their stats are maxed and some of them are like...what are you even doing. I also pretty strongly headcanon that, like Eureka, Nirvash's understanding of the world and of humans is growing as the series progresses, which I think is fairly substantiated but rarely addressed directly.

As the audience we don't get to see the way Nirvash communicates very often, especially not in any direct easy-to-be-understood-by-people fashion. If you want to learn anything about Nirvash as a viewer you have to speculate based on the few times Nirvash displays some will of her own, or go by the very little information Eureka gives about what Nirvash is thinking. Eureka is somewhat private about her relationship with Nirvash at times, which I find interesting, but that’s a topic for another post.

I pretty strongly headcanon that Nirvash sort of dislikes people, or at the very least, mistrusts the ones she doesn’t know. I believe this because Nirvash outright refuses to be piloted, even by people with compac drives. Compac drives are the "keys" humans use to communicate with LFOs, but LFOs cant really communicate back. We know that Nirvash for whatever reason really didnt want to be piloted, but then Nirvash met Eureka and felt willing to activate for her because they could converse and agree on things. No compac drive required for that. Nirvash will fly for Eureka because they can have a relationship that is a two way street. It doesn’t require the kind of faith Nirvash would need to let a human do whatever they wanted.

I suspect when Eureka is piloting there is a lot of give and take. They're discussing what they should do. They compromise on a course of action by combining their understanding. The trouble any time there is something going on between the Nirvash and Eureka is that it's not a conversation the audience gets to hear. We just have to watch and do our best to interpret

I think that over time Nirvash comes to appreciate and even like some humans and seeks methods of communication with ones she vibes with. Ultimately the Nirvash does become more able to understand and commune with people because Eureka acts as a cultural bridge between them. I really like the idea that Nirvash becomes interested in communicating with humans in the limited ways available to her, but only after spending a lot of time with Eureka and taking a shine to Renton. I also know the show gives Nirvash a clear human sounding voice that makes understandable words but I honestly hc that Nirvash sounds more abstract than that in most situation. Like idk, machine noises, Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites™ or something like that. I think if a human was able to hear Nirvash in any passive sort of way, it probably wouldn’t really sound like language. Eureka can always understand Nirvash but if you're Renton or maybe Ao just hanging around and are somehow catching bits and pieces of that consciousness floating in the air it's gonna feel weird and garbled in your brain unless you're able to make that more direct connection with the Nirvash somehow. It's just not natural to humans, it's not their first language.

On the subject of Nirvash getting on with humans, there is eventually a situation where Renton has to pilot the Nirvash himself. This is on the tail end of Eureka being really down and not really explaining why. Sometimes when she touches the Nirvash she starts to bleed and it becomes clear that The Girls Are Fighting™️. When Eureka sees Renton piloting she is taken aback by the fact that Nirvash would allow somebody other than her to pilot alone. Also, she comments on how that's 'not Nirvash's style'. It's left ambiguous what exactly her meaning is there, but she becomes pretty upset. There are a few ways I've interpreted it, though it's hard to pin down exactly. One possibility is that she’s upset because Renton and Nirvash Did A Violence. Alternatively it could be because the fighting Eureka saw from them was obviously more of Renton's own will than the give and take she prefers with the Nirvash. Another option is that Renton is not imposing his will, but rather bringing out something in Nirvash Eureka doesn't recognize and isn't comfortable with being a stranger to. Eureka is at this point very stressed that the Nirvash wont talk to her. She seems to go from very excited that Renton makes the Nirvash happy to very distressed that Renton is changing her relationship with the Nirvash. Nirvash is probably one of the only relationships Eureka has where she is comfortable and feels she is on the same page nearly all the time, so it's jarring for that to be challenged or changed.

A lot of the conflict with nirvash is never clarified in stone, but we know for sure that Renton causes Eureka to change and that's a big deal for everybody involved. Nirvash and Eureka don't really know change before this. In terms of Nirvash’s opinion, we know mostly about the parts Eureka reacts to, but if you think about it we dont really find out why Nirvash likes Renton in the first place or what initially caused Nirvash to becomes less open with Eureka. It's hard to place exactly what the conflict is. Just that it involves Renton and it involves this change. Despite Eureka being the best creature humanty has for communicating with Archetypes there are still certain barriers between them. They are the same creature, but theyre vastly different versions of the same creature with vastly different capabilities and experiences. Nirvash and Eureka will inevitably end up in situations where they don’t see eye to eye if for no other reason than their mental and sensory experience is vastly different from one another. I suspect that Nirvash is at times jealous of Eureka going off and having experiences and relationships with others, in the same way Eureka gets jealous when Nirvash seems to prefer Renton over her.

That all said, I do think Nirvash does have some sense of right and wrong even without Eureka’s guidance, but Eureka shows evidence of chiding or suggesting morality to the Nirvash throughout. Things like compassion and a moral compass seem to be way more pronounced for Nirvash later on in the series, after like 40 episodes of bonding and getting into and out of trouble together. Again, we can’t know all the details because the audience doesn’t get any unfiltered version of Nirvash’s perspective, but we know for sure that Eureka (and eventually Renton) is very very important to her even when the they are in conflict. In turn, Eureka regularly demonstrates that she trusts Nirvash implicitly and seems to respect Nirvash's judgement in many kinds of situations. The Nirvash is a member of the family through and through. She’s always down to help the cause, and she appreciates the great privilege involved in having a front row seat to Eureka’s experience. The Nivash has had an unprecedented opportunity to become enlightened about other creatures in ways the rest of the Scub Coral could not. In another life Nirvash could have had any number of destinies, possibly even safer ones with less strife and less change. She was never essential to the plan of putting yet another humanoid coralian into the world and could have moved for anybody else and had a completely different life. Maybe in times of conflict Nirvash thinks about that, but if there’s one thing that’s canon as hell I know that Nirvash would never trade away being loved by the Storywriter.

We stan a queen.

#∘⡊ ☾ ˚⊹Tabula Rasa⊹ — 「 Headcanon 」#∘⡊ ☾ ˚⊹To Be Continued⊹ — 「 OOC 」#∘⡊ ☾ ˚⊹Little One⊹ — 「 Nirvash 」#cut bc #long post

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samscns-blog · 5 years

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* 𝖎𝖋 ur ready to two step into some absolute BULLSHIT tomfoolery , ya girl 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 is ready for u with my lil firecrotch son , 𝖘𝖆𝖒𝖘𝖔𝖓 . strong silent type , ABSOLUTE buffoon , barely keeping it together so hopefully by the time we’re done w him he’s still in something resembling one piece :’) all my love to u and u cute asses ! i’m so excited to get this all poppin !

⋆ ╰ another year at hollingsworth , another year of the big six rivalry . i hear that SAMSON MAILOTO is ensuring SIGMA ALPHA NU gets a solid pledge class and stays at the top of the ranks . oh , you’re not familiar with HIM ? SAM is the KJ APA look alike from THE BRONX , NEW YORK . a part of PC ‘16 , he is majoring in KINESIOLOGY and has plans to ENTER THE MMA AND ESCAPE FROM THE PUBLIC EYE after undergrad . it makes sense they pledged their house , their PHLEGMATIC & SOLICITOUS attributes make them perfect matches . however , their TREPIDATIOUS & AUSTERE attributes keep their name alive on greek rank . if you don’t catch them dancing to BLEACH - BROCKHAMPTON at a fraternity band party this year , you’ll be sure to catch them nursing their morning hangover at THE SNU HOUSE . cheers to another wild semester !

⋆ ╰ 𝑺 𝑻 𝑨 𝑻 𝑰 𝑺 𝑻 𝑰 𝑪 𝑺 .

𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 : samson ioaleki mailoto

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 : sam , sammy

𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆 / 𝒂𝒈𝒆 : february 4 , twenty

𝒛𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄 : aquarius

𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚 / 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔 : cismale identifying with he / him / his pronouns

𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 : heteroflexible and pansexual ; he’s never actively considered himself as lgbtq+ but has also never given it much thought ddjdjdjdkjdk

𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 : kinesiology major at hu , aspiring welterweight mma fighter , us olympic representitive for men’s boxing in the 2020 olympics

𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 : gryffindor

𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 : eliot alder from mr robot , kylo ren from the new star wars series , detective elliot stabler from law and order svu , steve rogers from the mcu

𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒔 : - trepidatious , austere , apprehensive , hesitant , antisocial , hostile , bellicose .

+ phlegmatic , solicitous , benevolent , rational , stalwart , loyal , reliable , optimistic .

𝑃𝐼𝑁𝑇𝐸𝑅𝐸𝑆𝑇 located here !

⋆ ╰ 𝑨 𝑵 𝑻 𝑬 𝑪 𝑬 𝑫 𝑬 𝑵 𝑻 .

bullet points for the win bc who has time for all the tomfoolery i could spew from my ass !

sammy’s mom was a housekeeper in upper manhattan for some fancy dancy homes who needed their gold toilet seat covers sanitized 3x a day , u know the type 🙄

samson grew up in a run down apartment in a small samoan community in the bronx and has always been a lil antisocial weirdo since those warm dark eyes came into the light . he rlly minded his own business n wasn’t really curious about literally anything besides running and wrestling w his cousins . his mom struggled to keep him fed and housed and dressed and worked relentless hours but never left sam needing anything , a literal fucking legend of a woman and he’s proud to carry her last name !

sammy always felt the weight of never wanting to be an extra burden to his mother and learned to really be self-sufficient , likely explaining his satisfaction with being so alone

he vaguely remembers the night his life changed in middle school , the hushed strained whisper from the living room , he’s your god damned son too , think about him for once in your fucking life . it hit like a fucking train once the story picked up , 5 time nfl superbowl champ father to secret love child . think arnold schwarznegger’s secret son level scandal ! suddenly his shithead of a dead is trying to salvage his image , fighting for split custody arrangements , telling the press how much in child support he payed , anything to save his ass

this is the first time samson remembers being fueled by rage in his life , as a relatively well-tempered child , the injustice of having this near-stranger try to be a “ DAD ” to him while shitting all over his mother’s name made his fucking blood boil and becomes a theme for his future

he spends the next chapters of his life going to the fancy private schools in new york his dad picks for him and tearing his tie off on the ratty bus ride into the bronx to go home to his mom . he hates having to haul ass back and forth , wishing he could stay with the only family he’s actually given a shit about , but bears it for the sake of not causing his mom any more torment . his father is as awful as could be imagined , and samson hates every second of existing with him , the snarky little comments at school and in the ritzy wealthy circles that make him feel more of a black sheep than he ever asked to be

this becomes the root of his anxiety , bearing the weight of the world’s expectations on his young shoulders and repressing his own needs and desires as a result . he goes into every sport imaginable , his father’s DNA being increasingly difficult to deny , but finds a particular talent with fighting and takes on as many fighting styles as he’s able to master

turning 18 should mean freedom for sam , but nothing is ever as simple as he could ask in his life . in order to keep the child support payments that admittedly help keep his mother afloat , his father asks one more thing of samson : hold off on his pro mma dreams for just a little longer in order to attend his alma matter , hollingsworth university , as a publicity move and then he’ll be out of sam’s life in every way except financially . with the dream of completing college like his mom always aspired for him , sam agreed and went on to appease the man one last time , joining his former fraternity to sweeten the deal ( and secure a lovely brownstone in his childhood neighborhood signed in his mother’s name ) and is a year out from graduating and letting mma be the only reason his name would ever appear in the tabloids .

⋆ ╰ 𝑨 𝑵 𝑨 𝑳 𝒀 𝑺 𝑰 𝑺 .

personality wise , i describe sam as the stupid bitch w big npc energy , if u want him to talk u gotta talk to him first and even then he might just give u that hostile stare and just .. . . remain silent KSDFSDF

he’s about as NOT a people person as physically possible , would really be content just sticking to his inner circle for like the rest of his life without concern . he seems like this rude stand-offish dick but the truth is he’s PAINFULLY SHY and has a p severe case of generalized anxiety disorder so interactions ? w new ppl ? are a HARD pass

did i mention he’s on steriods bc that def adds to his anxiety and hostility ! lmao ! he started juicing in high school when his dad kept pressuring him for football and how he was “ twice your size ” at that age , n he HATES the dude but he’s also lowkey insecure abt his lack of a father figure so ? used daddy’s money to start his first cycle and pay off to test clean and now he’s been hooked on and off . he’s currently starting a new cycle to bulk up for the new season and prep for the 2020 olympics but swears he wont be on them forever :/

they make him SUPER aggressive when set off , it’s a decent thing that sam’s so monotone and shy that he’s also pretty laid back and kinda hard to rile up . he really doesn’t take much personally and won’t do a huge “ chest pumped bro lets do this ” show bc he ? thinks all those guys who do that are tools LMAO but find the right button to push n he’ll become the very thing he despises !

if u can get past the literal awkward silence and resting bitch face , sammy is actually really well known for being just a generally decent guy . the perception is often that he’s a dick bc he think’s he’s better than a lot of ppl , but the truth is he’s just too nervous to start conversations n most ppl assume its an ego thing vs a “ i’m about to piss myself thinking abt all the ways this convo can go wrong so i’ll just not talk and glare @ u instead ” thing

if he had his shit together he would definitely qualify as a dad type , but since he doesn’t , he won’t SSHSHSHSH but he’s really just a softie deep down , he has a stupid as HELL sense of humor and is really objective and level headed . the gryffindor in him is DEEPLY loyal , like to the death , but he’s got lots of hufflepuff in the sense that he’s really willing to get his hands dirty to help those in need . u need help moving ? someone to keep u company while u babysit ? feel nervous walking alone after class at night ? sammy might leave u on read if u text him bc he’s a Dumb Bitch like that but he’ll show up on the dot , hands in pockets , exactly where u asked him to be ready to do what u asked him to do . the mans is a super hard worker

he def still feels kinda weird at uni ? he’s p smart but some of the classes unrelated to athletics and anatomy have given him a REALLY tough time ( dance appreciation for his fine arts credit almost tanked his gpa LMAO ) and he’s not top of his class or anything but ppl still try to talk to him bc of the whole “ famous dad , future olympian ” thing , which he can pick up from a mile a way and makes him super uncomfortable . even being in a frat w a bunch of old money rich boys makes him DEF feel like the odd one out , and he’s just counting down the days until he’s OUT OF HERE

in conclusion : i love u all . lets suffer together . :~)

#rank:intro #love u all sm :' (#i'll have emmy's done tomorrow i hope !

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jjbablocklistcallouts · 5 years

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The Blocklist: A essay (this is very long)

I know everyones sick of it at this point but I got shit to say so feel free to not read this absolute unit of a poorly written essay. The jjbablocklist divided their list into two different list now. One for creators and one for consumers/rebloggers and I cannot stress enough about how dumb that is since it shouldve been done since the beggining. Also, following alot of these artist and “consumers” of these medias, I noticed some of them are falsely accused, others while being minors. here’s why:

1. A lot of teens and young adults in the community like ships like GioMis, FuMis, NaraGio, MisTrish and plenty more and I know your singular shared braincell cannot handle the idea of 2-3 year age gaps not being pedophilia, but uh, newsflash for ya, THEY AINT. Legally, it is not a crime and that in america where the age of consent is 18, not in Italy where its 15 and not in Japan where its even less. Under the general United States Law, which is where I assume the list makers/defenders are mostly from, these ships are not classified as pedophilia or should be problematic and the ages of consent change to lower ages depending on state. The only way you can add these shippers for their “crimes” is if they promoted or created the interactions of these characters in a sexual or intimate manner whether they are aged up or not, which is still wack if their age is above that of the age of consent in writing/art and the fact that minors, in this case teenagers with the VA cast, are allowed to express themselves with people of their own age group in a sexual manner, real life kids do it all the time amongst themselves so why shouldnt people be able to create it, the whole ordeal is ridiculous imo BUT I can see how it makes a lot of people uncomfortable, a lot of it makes me uncomfortable too so we gotta make compromises somehow so absolutely no lewding the mafia lolis/ jojo lolis in general and if you do, tag it properly so it doesnt spread onto the basic hastags of characters and the show. If you dont you on the list.

2. Claim genderswapping/r63 is transphobic all you want but until I see clear and definitive proof of it being purposely made for that purpose then it’s absolutely ok. If someone makes it to offend someone then its wrong and they should be called out for it (which has never been the case in this fanbase as far as I cant tell) It’s creative, it allows people create new desings for characters or adjust current ones for cosplayers or other artist. Im sure one of your mods can relate, since the do the exact same thing as we do while not addressing a certaint character properly by their canon pronouns. Genderbending does not promote the attack or harrasement of the trans community and that is a fact unless its done by actual problematic artist like Sh*dbase and others, which is still a stretch because I dont think they’ve done it to target people or make fun of them but they are the popular problem icons. So get the actual transphobes on the list, aka those who created the content specifically to harras a specific person, or remove the catergory entirely. Its unnecessary and hypocritical.

— The rest of these are just things that bother a lot of people in the community so if you only cared about minors being on the list then you dont have to continue reading. —

Tumblr is infamously known to be a shitshow of a site where all you can find is problematic content. If you dont like this kind of content, why the hell are you here in the first place? There’s a lot of safer websites to use where like instagram, twitter, amino, facebook, and more. They have actual filters unlike tumblr and finding content you dont like is a lot harder unless you are purposefully looking for it, and even then it could be a challenge due to shadow bans or privatized accounts. Tumblr has none of that, everyone knows it, all of those who dont like it try to stay away from it or use it very scarcely. Why do you think that most of these “problematic” artist/creators/consumers are here? Tumblr has always been its own weird realm, trying to make it anything else goes against what it stand for.

You’re crimes make are literal nonsense sometimes because you include such obvious personal attacks like “Made a literal essay defending GioMis” and “All kinds of awful stuff” as crimes. You added a few account because they message you about how ridiculous the whole ordeal is and you take to findind the slightest bit of “evidence” that can aid you into making them look bad. You know thats not a good reason right?? Even if it were, yall are even more guilty for committing acts of Liable and Defamation and you are choosing to for those you incorrectly put on the list, invluding the minors! Let alone hypocrisy but yall are tired of hearing that one.

Dont add other fandoms into this mess. The Hetalia fandom has been dead for more than 5 years and it aint none of your buisness. It has nothing to do with Jojo. Unless you plan on making more blocklist for ALL fandoms then, goodluck, though make em better.

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure is a wonderful and yet problematic series, guess who’s fault it is... its Araki’s. Created a hilarious nazi character, nah its the fanbases fault for roleplaying such a funny character. Pedophilia and rape represented in Jojo and not treated seriously, nah its the fandoms fault for romanticizing it. Homophobia as character traits and degradation of women in Jojo, pfft nah f a n d o m s f a u l t for painting such “false” representations of the characters. Ah, but yall wont drop Jojo cuz that kid your trying to control media for wont drop it either. It is not your responsibility to create a childproof community when the show already has heavy themes. Its their caretakers/parents or the childs own responsibility.

I despise the argument “well Jojo is a 17+ only show so no kids allowed!” you might be right, but has that really ever stopped kids from doing anything?? It does the opposite, it creates a sense of overwhelming curiosity which leads to venturing unkown territory which they may or may not end up enjoying. The problem lies wether young teens are mature enough to watch it or not and judging by this whole fiasco, alot of the people, teens and adults, involved are not.

YOU ARE NOT JUDGE JURY AND EXECUTIONER AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO POLICE A MEDIA YOU DO NOT OWN OR TAKE RESPONSIBILITY INTO DOING IT FOR SOMEONE ELSE

I will give you this guys this, theres a few artist and creators that do belong there, very few as far as I could see and read into and some are missing since they are mostly on twitter instead of tumblr. But hey, I managed to find like 12 accounts that I probably wouldn’t like seeing the content of, and I found a lot of good accounts too. A hell of a lot more.

I know Im harsh and a total loser but y’all really gotta do some damage control and think ahead. Merely ignoring the fact that your movement cause a floodwave of hatred, deaththreats and suicide baiting is disgusting, adress it properly, dont condone it. Cuz Im yall wouldnt like 200+ messages of “Kill yourself you of lowlife degenerate. I dont like your the disgusting trash you like so I hope you rot in hell for the rest of your life” It isnt fun, a lot of people have received these, some are even worse and a lot dont even deserve it.

Run the list correctly, its a good idea, it could’ve been handled way better than this and you guys know it. This would’ve been great for 14 year old me not stumbling onto a lot of problematic ships when I first looked up Jojo and it can help many children in the community in the future, but you are ruiling out a majority of the fanbase with such vague and pointless rules as regular shipping and creative freedom. You are demonizing people who like basic shipping and different character desings, and that’ll scare them because they dont want tobe hated for something they like. Because a few biased opinions decided to rule out that what the kids liked is morally wrong and irredeemable. Cuz thats all I can see on the list with the exception of maybe a 12 people on the list. Thats all the rest of the JJBA community sees.

#jjbablocklist #probably getting added to the list now but I hope they read this fully #I cant believe I had to talk to a lawyer and judge just to see if shipping crimes were valid #of course they werent #I probably wasted my time but I needed to get this out

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arcane-sync · 6 years

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Sander Sides and Dissociative Identity Disorder

This is a topic that wanders in and out of the sphere of focus amongst the Thomas Sanders and Sanders Sides fandoms (the Fanders). I feel inclined to give our input as well as a thorough explanation, because I’m long winded like that.

For the purposes of credibility and clarity, we are officially and unofficially diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (which used to be called multiple personality disorder). By this, I mean more than one therapist and a psychiatric nurse have told us it’s highly likely we have this disorder. However, our various institutions of mental treatment do not provide the primary diagnostic tools used to diagnose DID. We are having a hard time finding someone who can administer either the Structured Clinical Interview for Dissociative Disorders (the SCID-D) for either the DSM IV or the DSM V, or the Multidimensional Inventory for Dissociation (the MID) who also accepts our insurance. So according to medical professionals, we’re diagnosed. However, there are people in the community who will say you can’t be diagnosed without one of those two tools. My sibling is also diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Since I plan on tagging multiple tags outside of the Fanders, I will very briefly summarize Sanders Sides. This is a youtube series starring a singlet by the name of Thomas (Thomas Sanders being the owner of the channel and actor, but he has made it clear that the Thomas in the series is a character and not himself). In it, he talks to different “sides” of his personality, exploring all sorts of issues while doing so. These sides are logic, creativity and morality with a fourth side of anxiety being added later (for those in the fandom, I know I’m leaving information out. Shhhhh. I am specifically doing so in case anyone outside the Fanders decides to go watch it). Later on, these four sides reveal their names of Logan, Roman, Patton and Virgil respectively. For those amongst multiplicity cultures, you should already be able to see why this might cause controversy.

Dissociative Identity Disorder is an extreme on a spectrum of multiplicity. For the purposes of this discussion, let’s give a quick run down of the typical names and types of multiplicity across this spectrum. (Using gender neutral pronouns because I cannot be bothered to type himself/herself/themself repeatedly)

1. Singleton

This is the average individual you will run into. This type of person is whole in and of themselves. They might have different ways of behaving with friends versus family versus work versus alone, but that is typically accepted behavior for a singleton.

2. Median System

This is someone who’s behavior implies more than one person. They may or may not consciously recognize this vague division with themselves, or they might have consciously or unconsciously created more extreme modalities of behaving for the purposes of getting things done. They are neither singlet nor multiple.

3. Tulpamancy

Originally a monk practice, this is when someone consciously personifies different aspects themselves. This can be either to sharpen skills or to learn about themself. An example would be someone who pushes their sadness into a box and talks to it in an attempt to understand their sadness. Eventually, this box is supposed to evolve into an independent being inside their head. Once fully developed, they are officially called a Tulpa, thus tulpamancy being the practice of creating them. They may or may not have a name or gender. They are neither singlet nor multiple.

4. Borderline Personality Disorder

I hesitantly place this on this list, but I feel it’s worth discussing for the purposes of this discussion. On the spectrum, BPD could arguably be placed anywhere on the spectrum below OSDD. There are 9 symptoms to diagnose this illness, and there are entire books written on it. I am not going to dig into that here, but suffice it to say that BPD could be argued to be on this spectrum. This is someone who is characterized by a distinct instability of self. They may or may not go by multiple names, but what defines them as a person swings wildly around. They feel or act unstable. They might change behavior, clothing style, or friend groups rapidly. This is a MENTAL ILLNESS and not something to be pursued. If you think you might have BPD, please seek professional help. They are typically considered an extremely unstable singlet or perhaps median at most. However, it is not uncommon for someone with BPD to pursue tulpamancy to help understand themselves or become an endogenic system to help define their unstable state of being. (However, if this person developed BPD as a result of trauma, they could arguably be placed within the traumagenic area of this spectrum)

5. Endogenic System

This is a broad term. Technically speaking, an endogenic system is strictly a system that came to exist naturally (essentially, trauma did not cause their identity split). As a result, this could include Median, Tulpamancy, BPD splitting their different ways of behaving to understand themself, or anything and everything in between. Some claim they just grew up this way. Due to the broad nature of the definition of endogenic, there is a lot of controversy surrounding it. I’ll touch a bit on that controversy later. Within endogenic culture, they are considered multiple.

6. Quiogenic System

This is a system who has no idea why they’re multiple. They don’t know if they’re traumagenic or endogenic, if its caused by childhood trauma, if they grew up this way, if they accidentally created their multiplicity, or any combination of the above. They might be singleton, they might be endogenic, or they might be traumagenic (Worth noting is a lot of traumagenic systems are amnesiac of their trauma. Something could have traumatically happened, but they have no recollection of what happened. Some are even amnesiac of their own amnesia. Meaning, they don’t know what memories they don’t know, and/or they don’t even realize they’re missing significant portions of their life where trauma occurred. This naturally causes a lot of concern and confusion). If you don’t know why you’re multiple, you deserve professional psychiatric help if it is something you struggle with.

7. Imitative Dissociative Identity Disorder

This is where we lean into the multiplicity debate heavily. Imitative DID is not an officially DSM recognized illness (DSM stands for the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and is the accepted standard for diagnosing mental illnesses). However, it is gaining recognition within professional psychiatric fields and multiple articles have been written on it. This is someone who either deliberately or unconsciously created their multiplicity. Believers in Imitative DID would argue everything discussed thus far would be Imitative. You can easily see how this causes strife, as this essentially states anyone who isn’t traumagenic is making up their multiplicity for whatever reason. Since multiplicity is so closely tied to how someone understands themself or themselves, this is like a slap to the face. It is not uncommon for traumagenic systems to call anyone else fake and incapable of understanding true multiplicity. Which traumagenic multiplicity comes with a LOT of problems that makes life terribly difficult or hellish. They get angry because they feel like endogenic systems are encroaching on their clinical terminology and stealing/redefining it. This in turn is considered to be devaluing their mental illness and struggles, ruining the official credibility of a set of illnesses that is already extremely stigmatized culturally and professionally. They also feel like endogenics are stealing/overwhelming/corrupting their admittedly few areas of clinical support. Knowing all this, it should be pretty obvious why there’s so much controversy here and why it can get so vicious.

8. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

This is not yet a DSM recognized mental illness. This is a form of PTSD created for the purposes of better encompassing chronic abuse symptoms such as childhood abuse. However, this could also include trauma caused later in life such as war. There are other examples, but these are the most common cases. In that case, C-PTSD would be diagnosed instead of PTSD if it presents with what appears to be multiplicity, such as severe emotional dysregulation (inability to control emotions) and emotional black outs. This person can present with one or two other supposedly different identities. The difference in personality is usually very obvious, and the individual does not typically remember what happened in this alternate state. It is unclear if they are truly multiple or not, although most will argue not. If you think you have PTSD or C-PTSD, you deserve help and should seek it out as best you can.

9. Traumagenic System

These are systems that are created due to trauma. Clinically speaking, the large majority of professionals state this can only be caused by chronic childhood physical, sexual or emotional abuse. PTSD is almost always diagnosed comorbidly (comorbid illnesses simply meaning illnesses that are frequently diagnosed together on the same person). All traumagenic symptoms are defined by two or more distinct personalities/personality states/alternate personalities/or simply put: alters. These alters can be completely different ages, genders, or even ethnicities. Alter don’t even have to be human, presenting as animals, fairies or even rocks. This becomes terribly difficult to live with when say… a 5 year old, a wolf, or a rock alter ends up taking control (the clinical term being “fronting”) around family, friends, or even at work. Functioning independently can easily become impossible, although plenty of people manage it with treatment. If you think you might have DID or OSDD, you deserve professional help and should seek it out as best you can.

9a. Other Specified Dissociative Disorder

There are several different types of OSDD, but for the purposes of multiplicity only type 1 applies. Subtype 1a includes alters without clear boundaries between each personality. Subtype 1b is essentially DID without “lost time” (time during which the body was doing something but one or more alters do not remember what).

- I will add the caveat that OSDD 2 might apply depending on your POV. This is someone who has become convinced they are multiple via severe coercion/abuse.

9b. Dissociative Identity Disorder

This is a single body with two or more alters. In some cases, none of the alters will remember what anyone else has done. They might only be able to communicate via leaving each other letters. Other times, some alters might share memories and others might not. In order for DID to be diagnosed, there has to be lost time somewhere between the alters (as in, alter 1 might remember what alter 2 did but alter 3 might not). Whether or not this lost time has to be something that occurs in recent times or only something that occurred in childhood is a decision left to individual professionals.

Now back to Sander Sides. Knowing all of the information above, it should become obvious why there might be controversy surrounding the Sanders Sides. If you watch the series, it quickly becomes obvious that Thomas is a tulpamancer. Outside of the show, people have argued that Thomas Sanders himself might be median. Thomas Sanders himself has strictly denied any similarities between Sander Sides and Dissociative Identity Disorder.

This obviously puts Sander Sides dead center of the Imitative DID debate (endogenic versus traumagenic). Aside from that, there is the fact that tumblr in general has a gatekeeping culture inside it especially concerning any and all mental illnesses.

As for our personal opinion?

By all means, promote Sander Sides. We don’t even care if you present or consider Sander Sides to be representative of multiplicity, although I would generally discourage saying it is DID specifically, only similar in some ways. In the face of movies like Split and Sybil, multiplicity and DID especially needs better cultural representation. The fact that DID only ever makes the news when a criminal has revealed themselves (Like Billy Milligan, Billy Joe Harris, and Dwayne Wilson) makes this representation particularly important. As someone with DID, I would die for more media presenting DID as something other than dangerous. In fact, someone with DID or OSDD is far more likely to be victims than to create victims.

-On a side note: If you’re curious about multiplicity and how this may or may not apply to singletons in general, I highly recommend reading The Myth of Sanity: Divided Consciousness and the Promise of Awareness by Martha Stout. The DSM V is also a great resource for obvious reasons. For DID specifically, I recommend did-research.org . If more resources are desired, I can add them. I’d also encourage someone to reblog this with resources for these various mental illnesses, but I’m a bit too spent to attach that right now after typing all this.

Aside from all the debates, Sander Sides has helped multiple people come to accept their DID or OSDD. For some, it’s brought awareness to those mental illnesses. I know for multiple people with DID or OSDD, Sander Sides has been a huge relief. Finally, we get to see something that shows debates similar to the arguments that happen in our heads every single day. It’s a breath of fresh air.

Is Sander Sides DID? No.

Do I promote it anyway? Yes.

Do I think comparing it can do more good than harm? Yes.

Do I think it’s possible for it to cause harm? Certainly, but there is far more good that can come out of it. It’s worth the risk.

Editing real quick to say that I'm more than willing to answer any questions, related or no. Comment, reblog, Ask, PM or whatever else you can think of.

(tagging @aromantic-asshole cause he asked)

(Also tagging a few big name Fander blogs, because we would really like this to make the rounds)

@tinysidestrashcaptain @treblesanders @randomslasher @sanders-sides-thuri @princelogical @milomeepit @theonlyjelly-iwillput-inmybelly @2queer2deer @ironwoman359 I know for a fact I’m forgetting people, I’m so sorry. I also don’t personally know over half of you and if this is unwanted, I apologize for that too. This just means a great deal to us, and we finally worked up the courage to say something. Also screw it, let’s tag @thatsthat24 and @thejoanglebook

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iamnotbrianmay · 5 years

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(English is not my native language so umm sorry for any occurring mistakes? > <)

*shuffles awkwardly* Hi dear I come bearing writing prompts? *nervous laughter* I swear initially they were meant to be short descriptions BUT EVERYTHING GOT TOTALLY OUT OF HAND BY THE END. MY GOD THEY’RE SO DAMN LONG NOW. YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO (you could take all of them, some of them, one of them or NONE OF THEM ok? Totally fine!) so please don’t feel pressured? :) And you’re welcome to put your own spin on the prompts, pass them onto other writers if they’re interested or to collab with someone else! :D

But seriously though you can also just treat them as littles “stories” from me (aka. your humble little anon fan) to you, intended for your amusement instead of writing requests alright? Sorry to bombard you so suddenly with all this LOL. BTW you’ll see mostly they’re Brian’s POV because that’s just how my brain is wired lol it’s been like that since day 1 I CAN’T HELP IT.

BTW the “His Majesty, KING!” series by chateauofmyheart (I think she’s most known for the Queen + Rare Words series and her Tumblr blog is chateauofmymind) is THE fic that completely changed my perspective on gender swap themes. After reading that I was fascinated by how good it can be in the hands of brilliant writers. Hence all you’re reading right now ahahahaha it’s like a floodgate been opened LOL.

Alright? Here we go with the first one - Modern day!AU, Poly!Fem!Queen(King) with supernatural elements? (I’m still gonna use male names and pronouns here to avoid confusion but at the same time it’s also because of I wanna see what female names you’d bestow upon them! Surprise me then? :D) Brian always has a connection with the “spiritual side” since he was a kid, sometimes he sees auras, energies, spirits and even on very rare occasions, deities. But it’s not as glamour as it sounds and he has learned the hard way to keep this solely to himself since no one will believe him. And to pretend to be “normal” is very important since not everything he sees is harmless, he has to find ways to avoid being haunted by evil beings, but it doesn’t always work; More often than not his health or mood is affected or he’s chased and stalked and has terrible nightmares hence the insomnia. By the time he got to college, though things still got really bad every once in a while but it felt like he has finally beginning to have situations under some semblance of control. Strangely, all these seemed to largely improved right after he became friends with Roger, Freddie and John, BUT inconveniently started pining after them real quick. His usual tactics were to keep his distance from the people around him but this time he’s drawn to them, feeling oddly alone when they’re not together; How sad is that? Falling in love for the first time in his life yet knowing there’s just no way it’s gonna end happily, but they don’t need to know that it’s fine he’s used to being the outcast. Although his first meetings with each of them does feel a little unusual? They sure are a weird bunch for example, who would own so many of candles? And why so many talismans as well? (Very beautiful though all seems to be handmade perhaps they’re just into DIY stuffs and craftsmanship?) Also the look they gave him? Gleam in their eyes akin to excitement and awe, almost predatory in a sense? Not to mention all those cryptic sentences and meaningful glances shared between the three. It sounds crazy but sometimes they gave off such strong “witchy” vibes as if they’re actual witches like the ones in the movies or something (NOT the Harry Potter kind but more like, The Craft? But in a good way?), that being said Brian does have this distinct feeling that they’re in on some kind of secret which he’s not a part of and it makes him feel a bit sad and left out, but he hides his feelings well(me: or so he thinks haha we’re all familiar with this trope yeah? MOVING ON LOL). These three are lovely together, but Brian’s afraid of screwing things up so he kept his mouth shut and just took whatever he can get. Plot twist LOL one night after a horrible near-death incident (caused by a horrendous curse aimed directly at him and much later on he learned that somehow it was powerful enough to break through the “protection ring” which Roger, Freddie and John had cast around him, WTH?!), he’s eventually saved by the other three and now he really wants some answers and perhaps the truth. It turns out that they’re all actual witches with different abilities and incredible powers including the oblivious Brian, Roger, Freddie and John had known this their entire life and all had proper training except for Brian who isn’t from a witchcraft family. Basically the other three have being protecting and guarding him ever since they’ve met (even though he doesn’t know a damn thing about his own gifts, they were very adamant that he belongs to them and their own “coven”). The four of them actually formed one of the most powerful witch coven ever and the curse was cast by another malicious one that’s jealous and afraid of how powerful they’re going to be once Brian realizes his own gifts, so they tried to get rid of him first. Cue a happy Poly!Fem!OT4 ending and a love confession + getting together yeah? :D And they all work on helping Brian to develop and harness his own powers. Love youuuu. (BTW I’m “obsessed” with Gothic aesthetics and vibes. This seems to be the perfect universe for this type of element to shine right? :D Literally everything ranging from character styles to witchcraft tools could be incorporate with it but I don’t think I did a good job in describing. Orz)

And off to the second prompt now! Shall we? :) Modern day!AU, Poly!Fem!Queen(King)? (Or no gender swap is fine too! Again I’m still using male names and pronouns here same reasons as above), It’s around 20:00 when Brian exited his plane. This past one month period of astronomy conference had been an opportunity of a life time and literally one of his biggest dreams. It’s a huge honor for him to be able to participate but after being away from his three lovers for so long, he does miss them terribly; The schedule of the conference is quite hectic and irregular with very little down time though the four of them do try to facetime or skype each other as often as they can, it still is nothing like being with each other in person, not to mention they’re all busy and more often than not had to resort to just texting in their group chat. His heart now flutters happily thinking about home and them. Just as when he’s about to call for a taxi someone’s hand came up around his waist – it’s John! And apparently John had arranged in advance for some people to come and take care of Brian’s luggage, Him however, remains firmly tucked by Brian’s side. Though they’re both not too keen on PDA Brian finds the urge to kiss him incredibly strong right now. John seems to be the same considering the heat in his eyes and if his smirk is anything to go by - “Wanna go for a ride? Our new car’s pretty neat.” “The one that Roger picked?” “Yeah.” “He agreed that you can drive it?” “Well he’s going to have to since the car keys’ being nicked.” “Oh my god John you stole Roger’s car keys?!” “It’s OUR car so technically it’s not stealing.” TBH John’s expression right now is kinda turning him on okay calm down deep breath they’re still in public god damn it. John proceed to guided Brian towards their ride and it is indeed a beautiful car. While John drove Brian asked Roger and Freddie’s whereabouts and got a mysterious smile and a vague “you’ll see” instead. It’s getting quite late and there’s not much traffic on the road so John might be speeding up a bit to enjoy the thrill. Normally Brian would fret over this but now he’s just happy, content and relaxed after coming home and reuniting with his lovers. He even let out an excited little shout and rolled down the window a bit to enjoy the night breeze when John sped up, which John beamed at him. “This isn’t our way home?” “We’re not going home yet.” “And are you gonna tell me where we’re heading?” “You’ll see.” Again with that cryptic-John-smile. They continue to drive up and deep into the mountains and eventually stoping at a lovely camping site with an elegant looking villa, John explained that they’ve booked this whole area exclusively for the next couple of days; They’ve missed him and all wanted to spend some alone time with each other. The weather is nice so it’s a clear starry night sky above and there’s a small bonfire crackling along with Roger and Freddie’s laughter, who are currently sitting beside it. Brian leaned over to John, planting a chaste kiss on his lips and whispered his thanks but apparently John had something else in mind. As soon as Brian began to pull back John shot out his hands and tugged on Brian’s hair just the way he knows how he likes it, that forced a surprised whimper out of Brian’s mouth and John took the opportunity to practically devour him with hungry kisses and tongue. Things heat up fast and Brian’s soft moans quickly became louder as John wasted no time opening up his shirt, caressing all over his chest and pinching his nipples. Brian let out a high-pitched yelp as John bit on his earlobe suddenly and at the same time dipped his hand into his underwear. Then Freddie showed up knocking disapprovingly on the car door window: “Tsk tsk starting without us already? That’s rude darling!.” Hearing this John let go of Brian’s lips, beamed at Freddie and opened the car door but didn’t retrieve his hand. Brian, now flushed and disheveled, looked up and gave Freddie a sheepish smile but abruptly let out another whimper as John started moving his fingers. He bit his lips in embarrassment, trying to contain his noise but quickly released them as John growled, demanding to hear his voice. Seeing this Freddie smirked and quickly bent down, grabbing Brian’s face and pulling him into another round of passionate and possessive kisses, full of teeth and tongue. “Oi! Stealing my car now John?! Wanker.” Roger appeared scowling but John just laughed and so does Freddie, letting go of Brian’s lips. Brian blinked a few times, willing his now distracted brain to focus on locating Roger and wordlessly held out his hands, beckoning him closer. Roger moved nearer and hummed his appreciation at the current sight on display, taking hold of both of Brian’s wrists with one hand, ran his other one over Brian’s exposed chest and suddenly pinched his nipple perfectly in time with John, who’s fingers just did something amazing inside Brian’s underwear. Brian moaned loudly and arched his back, feeling his orgasm approaching embarrassingly fast but soon let out a confused whimper when he felt John retrieving his touches. Roger laughed, nuzzled behind his ears and growled, “Only if you beg prettily enough.” Then he tugged him up and gestured towards the villa. “Let’s go and make good use of that giant bed.” Freddie nodded, agreeing with Roger, eyes drinking in the sight in front of him and licked his lips. “I’ll put out the bonfire then. Don’t start anything fun without me!” He kissed Brian once more, heatedly and full of promises of more to come, bit his lips playfully and quickly head towards the fire. “I was gonna make him come once before we go inside but your idea is quite tempting.” John smirked at Roger. “Will you do as Roger says love? Beg prettily for us? Should we allow you to come at all?” “Pleasepleaseplease.” Brian could only whimper, already feeling the familiar heavenly float that could only come from being cared for by his lovers. “Good boy. We’re gonna take such good care of you now, you can let go.” Roger began running his hand through Brian’s hair alongside with John, waiting for Freddie to return. Cue a steamy, sexy and loving Poly!Fem!(or not fem)OT4 night yeah? And there may or may not be a huge jacuzzi in the villa that they all made good use of. <3333

Okay now prompt number 3 is the standard type that one usually gets in their askbox if a writer is open for requests - Your take on in the Poly!Queen universe how would Freddie persuaded/convinced/forced?(XD) Brian to play harp for Love of My Life (and why Brian specifically? Besides all the rational reasons for him to be that person, you might be able to come up with something that’s outside the box? :D) and how the whole “Brian eventually constructed the song from piano onto acoustic guitar for live performances” business came about? Do you ever wonder why it’s not Freddie on the piano playing and singing like what he’s done with other songs? Or why not Brian on the piano while Freddie sings like the beginning of their live performances for Save Me? (AGAIN besides all the rational reasons behind it I’m still interested in your take. :P Have you read that Brian’s interview in which he says he thinks Freddie sees him as his own personal Jimi Hendrix and basically said that they’re gonna do this together? And those early year interviews regarding their album A Night at the Opera in which Freddie said he’s gonna make Brian play the harp until his hands drop off LOL and how Freddie describe the harp as the big thingy that angels play? Yeah Freddie we know that Brian’s your angel and SOUL BROTHER ahhhh I’m making myself emotional now QQ)

Ready for prompt number 4? Last one for now haha I think my brain is drying up lol. It just shows how amazing writers are! I salute you! You are wonderful. <333 Poly!Queen? Hot Space!Era (AUish)?, starting with them having a really rough time in the studio and it had been going on for quite a while (Prenter’s presence and words definitely didn’t help. It only gets worse and for some reason Brian has this feeling that he’s been singled out as target) and a particularly nasty fight broke out one day and even more unfortunate is that the fight got personal. And of course it has something to do with the infamous diss track: Back Chat (the fandom seems to think this song is aimed at Brian? though we will never know the truth ummm), Brian left the studio in the end (bitterly he denies the voices in his head calling him a coward for running away. He just wanted some fresh air, and maybe some alcohol in a bar that his bandmates do not frequent so he wouldn’t be found). Somehow, a band that’s also on the rise of fame managed to track him down while he was trying to numb himself quickly by getting plastered. They then offered a pretty sweet deal of him leaving Queen (“Since they don’t seem to love you anymore.” One of them murmured softly to him and hearing this is like been stabbed through the heart.) and joining them instead, not just as the song writer and lead guitarist but also as the lead vocalist of the band, basically saying that he could have everything; Strangely, it turns out that they actually had some “inside information” regarding of what’s been going on in Queen and had been following for a while, all of them keen on taking Brian’s side. Through the drunken fog in his brain his heart sank. Queen has already established the reputation of being a tight unit especially after their success, generally people respect their close bond with each other so there hasn’t been any “headhunting” propositions for a VERY long time; The fact of it appearing again now out of all times only brought out senses of dread, thoughts immediately heading to a dark place in which all the worst-case scenarios resides: is this actually his bandmates asking him to leave through a third party? Are they so fed up with him that they couldn’t even stand to break the news in person? Is this them breaking up with him? He’s suddenly so cold and dizzy that he started swaying unsteadily, the band then quickly offered to bring him back to their own brand-new recording studio for a tour and maybe some rest. Feeling drunk and resigned Brian just watched silently with half lidded eyes as they maneuvered him out of his seat. As they were about to usher him out of the bar suddenly all motion stopped as the band abruptly came face to face with Roger (eyes narrowed and fists balled, obviously fuming), Freddie (seemingly nonchalant with raised eyebrow but his coiled muscles as if ready for a fight totally says otherwise) and John (his face somehow even more unreadable than usual, eyes glinting ominously). Sensing the atmosphere shift, those who were around Brian all collectively took a step back and for some unknown reason, a few guilty looks appeared on some of their faces. Brian started swaying again without the support and Freddie quickly appeared besides Brian, wrapping tightly around him and helped carrying his weight. However, still feeling angry and devasted Brian tried to wriggle out of his embrace but found himself drunk and too slow and did not have the strength at to pry open Freddie’s “iron grip” at all (yeah how could he forget that Freddie is in fact a damn good athlete and a boxer, John also joined him in the gym these days these two often had great fun together). Sensing Brian’s struggle Freddie only wordlessly tightens his hold; Brian eventually gave up trying to get free after a few attempts instead just bit his lips (nervous habit kicking in now) and looked away, unwilling to face his three bandmates and lovers. “Where the hell do you think you’re taking OUR guitarist to?” Roger snarled, also coming up besides Freddie to help supporting Brian. After a quick check up on him, he frowned when he found that Brian’s skin is cold and clammy. “It’s great that you guys want to look out for OUR Brimi, but we’ll take it from here now.” There’s a storm brewing behind Freddie’s eyes, dismissal clear in his voice. Yet in the same time he’s very mindful of the drunk Brian now stiffly resides in his and Roger’s arms, careful to not cause him anymore physical discomfort. “It seems that a certain rat has been feeding you all kinds of information on us? Things that he’s not supposed to pry and definitely not supposed to blab about?” With a dark edge to his voice, John stepped forward, staring down at the few guilty faces in front of him, smiling cold and sharp. “Well he’s not around anymore, make of that what you will.” Slowly Brian blinked up at John through his drunken haze in surprise, it has to be Prenter that they’re talking about, right? But how— “Let’s get back to the hotel, Bri’s not feeling so well.” Roger grunted, tugging the other three out of the bar impatiently, his hold on Brian is steadfast and unwavering. “Come on guys, get in the car.” “Please come back with us Brimi? We know that you’re still hurting but I promise you, we’re gonna get through this together, alright?” Well now that’s just unfair, Freddie’s bringing out his nickname now in that soft tone AND looking at him like he’s something precious, really not fair at all. Brian could only nod, not trusting his voice yet but Freddie beamed brightly at him. “I’m sorry, baby. We’ll all have a long talk and fill you in on the details of Prenter after you get some rest okay?.” Now that’s just cheating. They’re in the car now and John’s petting his hair oh so gently, expertly lulling him to sleep. Cue the OT4!boys have a long hard talk about EVERYTHING and their relationship that involves lots of shouting, bitching, bickering, crying, apologizing and making up! HAPPY ENDINGS HELL YEAH and the other three explained how the whole Prenter thing came to light and with evidence, they fired him immediately. Also John may or may not have “convinced” (“I’d say threatened is more like it.” Roger snickered.) the other band’s manager to give up the location of the bar that they had sooo enthusiastically called him from, exclaiming Brian May’s about to quit Queen and join them and that they were trying to bring him back to the studio now.

I hope these brightened your day? Maybe if I’m lucky enough they could inspire you a bit? Perhaps they could be accepted as your writing prompts? :P Anyway I love you! Have a beautiful day and life hon. <333

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Gosh thank you so much for submitting this anon! I really like them and I feel like we could add a lot to them if you wanted to speak to me about your ideas, so shoot me a private dm, yeah?

Also, you have a surprise coming for you in the next few days so stay vigilant of that!

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