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#which is honestly the best part
FINALLY
Finally I open tumblr and our madness has a purpose
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lgbtlunaverse · 1 year
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"I can fix him" says man who is worse
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dragonpropaganda · 7 months
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you should talk about your thoughts on rw fanon (looking with huge eyes)
Oh god, there's a lot of major misconceptions have concreted into fanon, mostly around ancient society and ascension.
First things first! Ascension is not death! They are entirely separate things treated entirely separately by the text of the game. I can see where the interpretation is coming from, but it doesn't really align with how the text treats either subject. Five Pebbles may want to remove the self destruction taboo, but from his reaction to the rot it's clear that he doesn't want to die. Conflation of ascension and death only comes up as an offhand possibility that pebbs makes on iterator 4chan, when he's going into the possibilities of scenarios that even the other sliverists are doubtful of! (let me make clear that I am not a sliverist by any means)
Ascension is more of talked about as a form of transcendence, yeah? A Bell, Eighteen Amber Beads talks about their sitution as being "To have grasped at the boundless infinites of the cosmic void…", not as them seeking an end to life.
The beta dialogue goes into more detail, mentioning the "infinities of time and space" and the "boundless fractal planes of spirit and reality...", though this dialogue was cut and it's hard to tell how much it reflects the concept as in the released game.
As for the cultural misconceptions... there's A Lot to talk about, but the first that comes to mind is the common conflation of the five natural urges and the christian concept of sin.
It is true that the negation of urges is mentioned by moon as an alternative method of ascension, but much of what we know about the culture of the people who the fandom calls the ancients (which makes discussion of the depths a mess but that's something for another post entirely) points towards the urges not being seen as shameful.
Even the first urge does not seem to be particularly scorned! Being a warrior is presented as a cause for bragging in the Shaded Citadel pearl, being comparable with being an artist and a fashion legend. The second urge, also does not seem to be suppressed. Multiple sources attribute some level of honour to parenthood! The aforementioned pearl also mentions Seventeen Axes, Fifteen Spoked Wheel as being a "Mother, Father and Spouse" without any hint of shamefulness. Nineteen Spades, Endless Reflections expresses pride about having progeny, mentioning it alongside their owned land and esteem among their peers.
After some peer review, an esteemed friend has told me to add a section on purposed organisms as well! This is not so much my area, so I might be a bit off on some things.
As moon says, the majority of purposed organisms were tubes in boxes, and that the primal fauna of the world are almost entirely extinct. A lot of the fandom seems to ignore the first part, and i can't say I blame them, but the evolution of the creatures is so much weirder than people think.
Concept art for the creatures has this interesting quality to it, where the organic parts of the creatures have an almost... melty quality to them.
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In the concept art, the flesh appears as if it's almost defying the machinery to form an animal shape. It's as if it's conquering its own artificiality the way the foliage grows over the (stone, brick and concrete, not mostly metal as some think!) ruins.
Of course, it's hard to really tell how much of this reflects the finalised concept, most of the integration is much smoother in the game, in line with a seamless kind of biomechanical design. There was always an intention of biomechanical strangeness, as shown in this screenshot of the devlog before the term "slugcat" even existed!
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That said, the melty nature of the concept art shows a level of wild change inherent the biomechanical nature of the creatures, as if they truly are the result of these "tubes in boxes" almost revolting against their own boxes.
and considering centipedes... some tubes may not have had boxes in the first place!
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a-s-levynn · 4 months
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A new era
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theaxolotlkween · 2 months
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Silly little comic I made.
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biblicalhorror · 3 months
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Aroace Riz real but also Fabian is SO clearly in love with him and Riz has no idea
#honestly fabian might not even fully know yet#a core part of fabians character is that he is so deeply afraid of rejection that he is never going to pursue the people he actually wants#i do think he likes Maezy a lot but i think he only knows how to pursue hot toxic women that will discard him at a moments notice#which in a way protects him from ever actually dealing with heartbreak#is he a gay man dealing with comphet? ehh maybe#i could see that#but I think the vibe i get is more about how he has these platonic friends he completely adores and is fully devoted to#and then in another category he has the people that he does not have any actual attachment to that he will allow himself to pursue#and crossing the boundaries in between those two categories or allowing himself to pursue someone he really cares for#would require a level of vulnerability he is in no way prepared for#in his home life he has an emotionally detached mother who is well liked but kind of floats through interactions on a surface level#and a father who is extremely concerned with fame and glory and attention but doesnt seem to have ever stopped moving in his life#genuinely fabian does not know what a safe loving partnership would look like#and we see him constantly oscillating between emulating his mother and his father in relationships#but just beneath the surface is a little boy who wants so badly to cling to his loved ones so tight and be squeezed right back#with no way of knowing how to even ask for that if he wanted#and riz is his best friend in the world and he knows on some level that riz is simply not interested in having that kind of relationship#not on the level fabian needs#but that also makes riz a safe target for these feelings of devotion#theyre just friends! just besties! fabian never has to reckon with his own loneliness or harmful patterns#if he channels all of his yearning for closeness onto his best friend#anyway! this boy needs therapy#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fabriz
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foldingfittedsheets · 11 months
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One of the highlights of the trip has been the Philadelphia zoo. I’m extremely biased to my local zoo but I think they have some incredible enrichment at the Philly zoo and might go on record as saying it has some legs up on mine.
We happened to catch the end of the Galapagos tortoise time. The trainer would place her target down and they’d amble eagerly toward it for a bite of delicious watermelon.
But the best bit was two who were munching together.
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They ran out of watermelon and slowly both their necks rose as they simultaneously decided to fight each other for more delicious sticky treats (which neither of them had any longer).
The trainer huffed in exasperation and marched over, ramming her stick down and ordering like a drill sergeant, “Girls! Target!”
Both feisty ladies immediately desisted their display and turned obediently to the magic yellow circle of watermelon.
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do you think that what the doctor usually feels for companions, rather than romantic or sexual attraction, might just be idolisation?
#just thinknig abt how 13 calls river 'on eof the best people ive ever known'#which might just be her echoing yazs words bc that seems to be the only way she knows how to communicate#but it's also like the most open i can think of the doctor ever being wrt how they feel abt river#and thinking of 10 in the satan pit going i dont believe in god i believe in rose instead#and how much of an influence rose had on the doctor#maybe its less the companion does a doctor arc and more the doctor and the companion will inevitably grow toward each other#clara and the doctor matched in specific ways that just like maybe amplified them#they didnt like balance out they become More Them#did everything the way the other wouldve done who wouldve done it the way they wouldve done#feedback loop#13 mightve worried for the same with yaz honestly#they wouldve become something very different to 12 and clara i think but no less powerful#terrifying in different ways#maybe less 'i'll kill the world to get you back' and more 'i'll kill myself to get you back'#more inward-focused in that part of it while more outward focused in the like adventure parts#Helping People rather than 12claras adrenaline junkie adventure seeking#not that thasmin arent also adrenaline junkie adventure seeking and 12clara dont want to help#just like a slightly shifted focus#i think thasmin want to feel....important. useful. helpful. more than 12clara. i think 12clara are just looking for a good time in each oth#rs company more#but idk#anyway do you think the doctor idolised yaz back as much as yaz idolised her?#DO you think yaz idolised her?#i have a really hard time getting int he doctors head abt companions. like how they feel abt them Really#but like. idolisation would be a really fun one to add into 13s head i think#what if she wants to impress yaz just as much as yaz wants to impress her oh my god#('tell me youre impressed')
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buttercupshands · 2 months
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Chapter 419 Analysis or "How to make allies not pawns" a helpful guide from League of Villains (part 2)
This is now a second part of Tomura character analysis.
With chapter 419 being probably our last time seeing Tomura for a while, since we need to learn what happened with Aizawa now is time to remember that not only bad things exist it Tomura's life.
Warning of spoilers to the whole manga to the point of chapter 419! All of the warnings from My Villain Academy side of manga are applicable
So like... mentions of death, killing other people, manipulation, emotional abuse and many more!
This is Part 2 - See here for Part 1 of this depressing mess
With AFO being so sure that he knows better and actually controlled every single part of Tenko's life creating a Symbol of Fear without any redeeming qualities or even hope for saving after he destroys him. There's one thing that AFO still doesn't understand about Tomura and never did - and that's his allies, or the League of Villains that he created.
Even Kurogiri, being a Nomu who's views do not stray from what AFO thought was important didn't exactly understand what did Tomura think about his allies quick to assume that he thought of them as pawns all the was back in the Training Camp arc. With Tomura making game examples to explain the situation, he still didn't think of LoV as just pawns on a desk, like AFO does.
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At the time of USJ arc there weren't many people Tomura called this, which could make you wonder how much it was just AFO's plan rather than Tomura's with him never worrying about those other villains yet getting so worked up over losing Nomu not only because he was strong enough to defend him from All-Might, but treating his defeat as something that must be avenged.
And that was long before Stain even entered the picture, the first of three people who greatly affected Tomura's view of his own motives alongside AFO's manipulation of literally everything else.
Tomura was terrified of fighting All-Might seconds before this and yet as this goes on it's becoming more noticeable - Tomura doesn't care for his own fear or worries as long as he's fighting for someone else's good. Not so different from how Izuku is ready to disregard himself for the sake of others, resulting in many injuries and being so close to dying so many times.
It never was a secret that Tomura is highly dependent on others to keep himself from losing confidence, or even will to fight, getting either too anxious to continue without anyone's reassurance.
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And while AFO's "help" was mostly given only with some kind of lesson as we saw in "Tomura Shigaraki: Origin", with AFO literally sitting there, saying how Tenko is weak for not killing but showing some restrain instead suffering himself, never actually helping or comforting him. Only offering what he deemed nessesary for his own plan of making Tenko kill those thugs not caring that he's feeling sick from those hands.
But in USJ it's not AFO who's there with Tomura, it's Kurogiri, who was shown to still have some care that Shirakumo had that even Aizawa and Mic couldn't argue that it's similar to how Shirakumo couldn't just leave a kitten in the rain. No matter the responsibility that it would bring with taking a little one in.
A helpless little kitten that didn't get the help it needs from anyone else. Sounds way too familiar.
This never was a direct order from AFO other than he needs to "tend and protect" for Tomura, which can mean anything from just looking out when Tomura's sick, or protect him from any tread like someone trying to kill him.
Not helping him getting over his anxiety to fight or helping him and guiding him to do better as a leader of the League calming him if it got out of control. Which is somewhat opposite to the way AFO deals with Decay and Tomura's temper - letting him destroy anything even the hands that he gave him, just offering new ones when he succeedes and never really caring for his pawns, he can always get new ones.
And surely not asking if Tomura's well the first thing while talking to Heroes.
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Which then leads us back to how Tomura never viewed anyone that he chose as pawns calling them his allies, with the word '仲間' which can even be translated as friends in needed context, but usually used as comrade or ally when Tomura says it. And the same thing is usually translated as "friend" when used by Twice.
In any case Tomura never once doubted his allies since he saw them as reliable, even if his first meeting with Toga and Dabi went so wrong that Kurogiri had to stop them from killing each other.
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Up to the point of Training Camp AFO describes as him teaching Tomura to be independent which was at that point too far from the truth than he thought. If Tomura begging for AFO to leave with them is any indicator he actually was even less independent after All-Might almost caught them, making him doubt his own worth as a leader. Even if AFO's defeat finally let him think and wonder about himself and his past.
AFO believed that Tomura just knowing how to recruit people would suddenly make him great at using those new "pawns" which was proven wrong by Overhaul no so long after that. Showing how Tomura believed the same thing AFO did as well, fully trusting his judgement of anything including himself, all the while parroting what AFO says without fully understanding what it means.
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Only after losing both Magne and Mr. Compress arm does Tomura slowly start making progress in becoming someone more than AFO tells him to do. Even if as we see in part 1 it used Decay as the ground to make it stable since he believed it was his quirk. And yet.
Even if Tomura didn't simply instruct his allies how to choose who to recruit, he never blamed them for it. On the opposite, when Twice was hard on himself after bringing Overhaul to them Tomura just looked at them for the first time without a hand on his face, or even on himself at all, showing how he trusts them as much as he would trust himself and believes that they can do it.
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Taking off hands of his family would mean not relying on the conflicting feelings that they bring into the picture, something AFO would very much dissaprove, since he was now like an equal to everyone in LoV instead of being above them. He
And with this instead of making them blindly trust his decisions and following him from fear or adoration like people had been following AFO or Overhaul, he instead was an equal to them both in failure and victory that wasn't even all that guaranteed yet.
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Each one of them had their own somewhat selfish goal that just seemed like they were just using each other without any worry being each other's pawns. Or maybe that's just how AFO would see them.
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Yet it doesn't explain why did Toga care for Twice's trauma response of not having his mask on, since he already did his part and all that they both needed to do was done. But LoV was never about following orders or giving them, expecting for the pawns to follow without question. It was about a leader of the group that would stand up for his allies while allowing them full freedom, except when they needed to also accept that something is needed to be done for their own sake.
Like following Overhaul for a while all for cutting off his hands leaving him with nothing. Did that sound like something reasonable to do? No! They literally lost their chance at having sushi instead of just living at some abadoned building all the while occasionally searching for money or food, stealing and killing just to survive all while Tomura was just... waiting.
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Nothing was really stable at the start of what we call My Villain Academia and yet no one from the LoV left while their state was... bad at the very least. No matter how AFO was teaching Tomura he was still left mostly waiting for something to happen rather than doing something to change the situation himself.
Sure, Tomura now was a famous leader of League of Villains that suddenly needed to be stopped rather that underestimated like before. But that was in the future, now LoV was laying low on funds and slowly Tomura showing his face became the norm, with him usually never wearing hands around LoV.
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And with Tomura becoming more and more comfortable around LoV, the LoV itself was becoming more like a place that had one core value that accepted anything else added without anyone wondering about the past of others, like Compress said. Just some selfish people, who still followed their own needs first.
And yet somehow Toga, who joined just because she loved Stain and disliked how life was too hard found her place in the LoV alongside Twice who just needed to be trusted and trust in return. If Tomura only followed what AFO deemed to be the best way to lead no one would actually feel like they're accepted in the LoV as much as they were.
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Goal or no goal Tomura succeeded even without having the whole world at the palm of his hands by just never pressing anyone to actually follow him - if they wanted to they could've just left here and there, but since they chose to follow he did what he thought was the obvious best - let his allies do what they wanted.
Which was okay for someone like Toga or Dabi who were either already comfortable by just being allowed to be themselves or being free to plan their own things for their own goals.
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But not exactly that for Spinner. Who was instead literally searching for someone to show him what to do, not so different from Tomura, who still only followed whatever 'his Sensei' deemed worthy for him to look into, like letting Kurogiri go find unknown "power" that AFO left along with contact with Doctor.
And while Spinner was not fine with still being hollow even while following Tomura pretending that it's the same thing as following Stain... all it took for him to look differently at how exactly was Tomura thinking was the last real "barrier" that there was - Tomura basically spilling his whole backstory and motivations mostly for LoV to listen to, since Doctor was just testing Tomura's will all according to AFO's plan.
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And after that it didn't took too long for Spinner to now follow Tomura, even if it was still not the time to really see the 'warped horizon that was waiting for them'. And yet in times where Tomura still showed some doubt over his decisions - that one old trait of his showing up like it was always at the back of his head not so different from USJ, only thing changing that Tomura got better and better at not letting his emotions control him so easily.
Since the price of that would literally be lifes of his allies.
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And neither that or using their emotions to his own benefit was ever in his plans, contrast to AFO manipulating Tomura to do just that. Letting his emotions consume him completely just for his own goal and for his own sake. But as a person who was so familiar with this Tomura still was adamant at NOT allowing something like this to happen to his friends allies.
Effectively creating a bond between all six of them, including Toya that in the end kept them together until the very final arc, with Spinner keeping what Tomura would've thought and with him waking up and calling Machia to get LoV first and foremost Spinner did understand their's leader wishes, as well as Twice's who literally died for his friends.
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With all that happening in the War arc the moment AFO returned with both being in control of Tomura's body and just abadoned anything that Tomura would care for like leaving Mr. Compress and Machia behind just to punish him for not getting OFA or not even caring to show any actual respect for Tomura's wishes. Instead showing how little he actually cared for anything but his own good.
But while AFO made so many pawns that he could change like gloves at any given moment, threating them and manipulating them with his power and quirks, Tomura only had 6 allies who stayed after AFO was caught and who were willing to die just to live the life they wanted.
And AFO couldn't give them that.
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Even if Decay isn't Tenko's quirk and even if he has so much guilt for killing without it being a little bit justified by it...
LoV still followed him as a person who allowed them to live as they please and so what they want, not some all-powerfull overlord but an ally and a leader who had his flaws and fallings.
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daily-hanamura · 6 months
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seaweedstarshine · 5 days
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Late to the game as I’ve kinda been kinda non-here for a minute but I scrolled through the Dot and Bubble tag, and thought I wanted to write this post into existence.
There's this part in Doctor Who Unleashed where RTD says this:
“What we can’t tell is how many people will have worked that out before the ending. Because they’ve seen white person after white person after white person, and television these days is very diverse. I wonder, will you be ten minutes into it, will you be fifteen, will you be twenty, before you start to think, everyone in this community is white. And if you don’t think that — why didn’t you? So, that’s gonna be interesting. I hope it’s one of those pieces of television you see, and always remember.”
And I'm like. Yeah. But the reason this works even as well as it does is largely thanks to the work of the previous showrunner with the previous creative team, which was notably the first era to have any writers of color (amongst other firsts in terms of inclusivity in directors, composer, actors). While Chibnall fumbled whenever he tried to write about race himself, he did have the self-awareness to have Black and South Asian writers writing the episodes where race is the focus (and a female writer for the episode where sexism is a focus; my point is, he seemed to know his shortcomings).
I wonder what the current creative team looks like? (not really, but I wasn't 100% sure for all of them)
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To quote RTD:
“...before you start to think, everyone in this community is white.”
This is pretty non-self-aware, right? It's pretty “It is said, and I understand this, there was a history of racism with the original Toymaker, the Celestial Toymaker, who had ‘celestial,’ and I did not know this, but ‘celestial’ can mean of Chinese origin, but in a derogatory way,” right? (from The Giggle Unleashed) It's pretty “and I had problems with that, and a lot of us on the production team had problems with that: associating disability with evil,” right? (from Destination Skaro Unleashed)
—none of which are issues that should be overlooked, but think how much exponentially better they might’ve been addressed if he’d consulted with Chinese writers and wheelchair-using writers before going straight to giving the Toymaker weird fake accents and making Davros walk?
How many Black or non-white people do we think saw the Dot and Bubble script before it landed in Ncuti’s hands?
And this just keeps happening.
And like, from some of the shocked responses I've seen from white viewers to the ending of Dot and Bubble, maybe the episode's unsubtlety was needed? From the way RTD talks about it in Unleashed, the episode was written with a white audience in mind, Baby's First Microaggressions (where of course the microaggressions come from people who are pretty self-admittedly white supremacists). Ricky September, a more seemingly normal depiction of someone in the racist bubble of Finetime, seemed like an interesting element, up until the way he died.
The ending worked for me, because I do think the Doctor's reaction is true to how the Doctor would react. I just keep thinking of how much better the core themes could've been handled by someone with actual lived experience on the subject matter.
#dot and bubble#fifteenth doctor#rtd critical#anti rtd#ricky september#lindy pepper bean#dw negativity#racism#antiblackness#words by seaweed#not to be anti rtd. im just very critical. Anti RTD is just a tag which people use or block#every showrunner has their flaws but RTD is the only one self-righteously virtu signling over NOTHING. which is why im more critical.#plus the on-set sxual hrassment and what happened with Chris Eccleston etc. it vindicates me. idk. not tryna be a hater#ALSO dot and bubble is leaps and bounds better than any racism commentary I expected from Russell T Davies. so theres that.#can you tell I'm shy abt making long posts that someone is likely gonna be not happy about-#I usually search tumblr for posts to rb and talk in tags. but I couldnt find any posts about this this morning! tho I think ppl have since#etc its fine to critically appreciate imperfect media etc I do it all the time (as a Black fan) (who also thinks Rosa has Flaws) etc#I did see someone on twitter pointing out the hypocrisy of all white writers but twitter does not have space to talk about things#also love that The Church on Ruby Road has Mark Tonderai who became the first black director w The Ghost Monument. I love his directing#but that's the Christmas special. it is not part of this season. and honestly fr it's not close to enough#love the inclusivity in front of the camera. lets get some of that in the writing team NOW. it's hurting for it.#bring back Charlene James. can you hear me? was the best episode of Season 12.#the ep felt like a commentary on the “RIP Doctor Who” ppl under every official Doctor Who post? hence social media?#it does work best that way!! it just felt a little off of that way in rtd talking#idk im rambling. I did enjoy it tho. I just wish. but well.
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malbenita-old · 2 years
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Forgers and sunflowers 🌻
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spearxwind · 1 year
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I've been thinking about how you've made Talas' physique even MORE powerful lately. And now I'm just imagining him, one-armed, chucking Graves like the world's angriest javelin at their common enemies.
That's genuinely so in character that I had to draw it. Average hunting tactic... and Graves would be all too excited for it, honestly
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the thing about chilshi is that i see it as super one-sided on chilchuck's part and that's some shit he's bringing to the grave with him
#random thoughts#dungeon meshi#if (somehow) senshi became aware i think he'd be flattered#in like an 'aw thanks man' way#this goes for marcille too btw but in like reverse#i could see marcille having a fledgling crush on chilchuck after he reveals his age#but before she fully internalizes he's An Adult. like an adult adult#like how she infantilizes falin? like that#and like she's honestly chilchuck's type yknow? being blonde and all#but i don't think he would date someone who views him like that#he might tolerate it from senshi for like 4.5 seconds in his fleeting daydreams#but in reality? noooo thank you#this is why i ship laios and chilchuck tbh. he's the party member who chilchuck thinks knows him the best#and he trusts him the most to lead!!!#also because i think it'd be funny if laios (26) started dating izutsumi's (17) surrogate father figure#also because i really like that comic where chilchuck's children judge him for dating someone so YOUNG. cradlerobber#this is quickly devolving into me providing my Opinion on dungeon meshi ships#might as well get into kabru and laios#i don't see it? it might be because i've only read the manga and im bad at fully comprehending those the first time through#but like. first of all kabru is a VERY minor character in my eyes#he mostly becomes relevant during the latter half which is my least favorite part#and ive seen people tote the 'i want to be your friend!!!' panel as like. fodder for the ship?#and honestly when i read that part i read it as kabru desperately grasping at straws to keep laios from going to marcille#his brain to mouth line fully shut down and he was just spouting gibberish#laios even calls him out on it#i see kabru and shuro as being in the same boat? seeing laios as insufferable but it's not his fault#marcille and falin are in lesbians with each other. gay as hell to revive someone with forbidden magicks#they are LESS gay than i was expecting though. which is a hell of a thing to say about two women who bathe together
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dykeinthedark · 2 months
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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)
#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me#like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes#and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style#like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting#like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to#which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own#it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch#but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way#what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian#like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me#i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively#people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation#but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc#(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either#bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme#idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance#even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do#that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes#like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16#because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem
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