i need tommy to take down all his videos with drista and dreams mom :((

I need him to take down his youtube channel entirely

Vent/rant

There is so much bad shit going on in the world, every day things get worse and no matter what people do nothing gets better

Humans are dumb and selfish and refuse to learn half the time, and a part of me is just sick of living in a world where I can’t scroll social media for five seconds without seeing some drama, or being reminded of the terrible stuff happening all around the world in which the only thing I can do to even try to help is spread the word, or I just get reminded of terrible people who exist and have hurt others

I hate this, people are stupid, the internet was a mistake. Being kind to each other is so much easier than being cruel and always gets better results, but even those in their adult years need to keep bitching and whining about things because they want something and them having that something hurts so many other people

I’m not above other humans, in fact I’d say I’m the bottom of the barrel when it comes to importance of people, but I am so disappointed that the human race never fucking learns because they never want to learn, they don’t want to try and be reasonable or charitable or even kind, and the younger generations are learning from that. They think that being an asshole is the best thing to do in certain situations because no one’s ever cared to try and teach them right from wrong, or how to properly communicate with people, mainly online. And even the generation too young to have their own social media is affected.

Everyone knows about iPad kids, and those children will grow up to be spoiled rotten because they’re used to getting what they want and I know they’ll refuse to do anything in terms of work. And then there’s the fact that younger and younger kids are getting those accounts, which exposes them to adults who want go hurt them, and also to conversations and drama that happens in adult conversations where they spout bullshit because they read half a post and jumped to conclusions because they never learned how to analyze texts because everyone older than them constantly talks about how much school sucks, so they don’t pay attention in class and just never learn how to properly handle arguments, and those kids will grow into lonely adults because they refuse to listen to anyone.

This is a cycle that will only get worse and worse because that is what we keep teaching our youth, that they can be as entitled as they want, that they don’t need to do anything and can sit online all day arguing with others and giving other kids their age death threats, developing every mental disorder in existence because being exposed to so much in such little time and at such a young age is traumatizing, and all of that being so normalized

Meanwhile, they look at the struggling adults of the world and all the shit happening that they cannot stop, and the best thing they can do is keep talking about it and hoping that the government figureheads old enough to have late-stage dementia but are still somehow in positions of power eventually die just so a slightly younger out of touch politician can take their place and continue this downward spiral

I want to stay positive, I try so hard to stay positive because I’ve had to talk multiple people out of thinking these exact same thoughts, but it’s as if everything keeps conspiring against the universe in order to make things worse for humanity, not just as a whole but also on an individual level

Humans are selfish, they’re stupid, rarely do seeds of good sprout from groups, and those sprouts of good are probably the only reason I’m alive right now

I enjoy seeing positive things come from people. I want to see stray animals getting rescued, I want to see people donate money to help someone afford a life-saving surgery, and to get personal I want to come home and hug my parents and kiss them on the cheek every day, I want to annoy my sibling while they play video games and pat them on the head, I want to hear my grandma call me her darling child, but at the same time I don’t want to live in a world where these happy little things are either rare or simply overlooked. I don’t want to live in a world where we as a species can’t go one day without something bad happening in every community. I don’t want to live in a world where people are selfish to the point where they do not care for the pain of others, and feel no guilt for telling their peers that they don’t deserve to live

I don’t think I’m the only one that thinks this way, and that just makes this a bigger problem

Living in this world is exhausting, and if it weren’t for those little things I would have given up on it a long, long time ago

AURORA

Interview by Stuart Williams for Euphoria Magazine (July 9th, 2021).

Norwegian songstress AURORA returns with brand new single “Cure for Me,” a glistening, message-driven piece that looks to set summer 2021 alight. “The ‘Cure for Me’ single was actually born two years ago,” she tells EUPHORIA in an exclusive interview. “I was in Australia on tour and then instead of having a day off in between the gigs, I asked my drummer and co-producer Magnus if we could rent a studio for a day and have some fun. I had this theme I wanted to get out of my head [hums melody]. I just really wanted to make a song with this ugly theme and we made it — my team kind of discovered it a few years later and said, ‘Ah, this is lovely, we should make it a single.’”

Speaking about the synth-laden track, AURORA finds herself reflecting on a controversial practice evident around the world. “It was originally inspired by those countries in the world that still forbid being gay and also the countries where conversion therapy is still allowed,” she says. “I think even in Norway it’s allowed — that’s the main reason I wrote this song. I was like, ‘I want to make a fun, celebration song about I don’t need a cure for me, I don’t need it, I’m perfectly fine.’ It’s absurd how the world can ever think that people will ever need a cure for love. Then I also know that it can mean a few different things, which I’m excited about, but it’s mainly the fact that it’s very easy to make people believe that there is something wrong with them. People tend to go to that fact so quickly — it takes so little before we’re like, ‘Oh, something is really wrong with me. I didn’t react the same way that they did, I must be fucked up.’ Or, ‘I don’t look like them; OK something is wrong.’ You know, we think something is wrong with us all the time and the media is telling us we’re not good enough. Everything all the time is trying to make us think that we’re insane. That’s kind of sad isn’t it? So it is kind of an opposite thing.”

With “Cure for Me” evoking a deepened understanding of an important subject to the artist, AURORA finds herself looking inward. “I am very lucky because I’ve never been that affected,” she shares. “I’ve been told many times in my life that, ‘You’re a bit [makes cuckoo bird sound].’ I’m very little Norwegian in many areas; I’m very Norwegian in some. It’s a very strange culture here and if you are very open, emotional, impulsive, and if you have a bit of a different brain, [it] doesn’t take much before you get aware even as a child that, ‘Oh, I am a bit different’ and it messes with your head a bit. It messed a bit with my mind in the beginning when I first started noticing it. I’ve never really cared and I don’t care now — I find so much joy and liberation in simply existing in the way that fits me the most. That’s a joy I find hard to let go of. We’re so diverse and that’s the whole point. That’s the foundation in our species that we are all different and we still manage to twist it around and make people feel bad about it.”

With the pandemic pushing live music events back further and further, the singer is eager to explore the track in a live setting. Speaking about her feelings from the release of the new single, AURORA says, “I wish I was nervous because I love being nervous, it’s like being in love isn’t it? But I am not nervous, I rarely am — it seems like a waste to me to be nervous about something I can’t control. But when I’m done with it, I need to just release it and it’s out of my hands, out of mind and out of sight — it belongs to the world. So no, I’m not nervous at all, but I am very excited. It’s always interesting and a fun experiment to see how people react when you do something a little different. It varies a lot what people think about it, so that’s very interesting to watch.”

Describing the process of creating the track, she says, “I like experimenting with the people you have around you. I like using the people I love and I like working with close people, you know. I feel like you don’t need to look out and search for the big names out there when you have talented friends, and you can just make music with them instead. Magnus is very good — I love working with him because he doesn’t write lyrics and interfere too much. I can’t write with anyone because I don’t like it so much, so it’s nice for me to be able to write and do what I want. When we produce the music we are sometimes very on the same page and sometimes we disagree. It’s fun to either fight for your opinion or learn that you were wrong, and I love that. We just have fun.”

Six years ago saw singer-songwriter AURORA release “Runaway,” the opener to All My Demons Greeting Me as a Friend, an album that saw her career catapulted into the stratosphere. Today “Runaway” has 275 million streams on Spotify, 140 million views on YouTube, and is rising week over week in the Official Singles Chart Top 100. Not only this, the track has also been given new life on social media app TikTok and is being streamed 2 million times daily. The roots of “Runaway” emerged at 11 years old, AURORA says. “I often think about that — of course our mind I guess perceives the past like, ‘Oh my God, it went so quick’ and I can remember things from when I wrote the song when I was 11 and now I’m over 10 years older than that. It is weird but I guess I remember the times, I’ve been really depressed two times in my life and then time moves so slowly that it’s exhausting and suffocating, so I feel like it’s a very good sign when you feel like time has gone past.”

It’s hard to believe that in 2015 the track found its way to the ears of a then-12-year-old Billie Eilish. It arguably led to Eilish starting her music journey — a career that has made her a global phenomenon. The track, AURORA says, has found a brand new life out in the world. “It has lived its life and therefore the success ‘Runaway’ is achieving I don’t manage to take it personally because it’s not me anymore, you know?” she says. “It’s sort of like, it’s a baby and every song is a child when you make them and it’s best part: making the child. It’s the most fun in every way, I think, in all possible metaphors. But I think when you raise the song, it’s a teenager or an adult and you just have to let them go and let them live their best life out there.”

Reflecting further on a younger version of herself, AURORA explores a very different mindset from that age and then now. “I remember when I first started writing I was really aware and had this epiphany that, ‘Oh my God, music can help with so much and music can speak about the unspoken. It can explain the unexplainable and put words into these impossible emotions,’” she says. “It has to do with being human. I took music very seriously, music was always very serious for me — very emotional and very explosive. Like a medicine, but I took it really seriously and I have so many sad songs. They all have a little light in them, I don’t manage to bring out sadness unless there is light to complement it I guess. I have so many sad songs and with time I kind of learnt that, ‘Oh my God, there is a whole world out there and people also need to dance and have fun in this life.’ I kind of learnt as I grew older that I can write songs that are fun and I can address things in the world that I love and hate, and I can speak up. Music can be much now: it can be a political force, it can be an emotional force and a release. Now I’m just enjoying all the signs of it. But it’s changed a lot, I’m more open now to what music can be, which is delightful.”

The human experience is a theme AURORA touches on throughout her musical output, however the physical act of producing art has been a huge outlet for the artist during this time. “I am very comfortable with this staying-inside-being-anti-social situation,” she shares. “It’s very good for me and I’m actually enjoying it quite a lot. Even though I can feel it in the people that [there is] this itch under the skin. I can feel the itch for things to change and go back to normal, but I’m also really enjoying things as they are now. I’ve been painting quite a lot. I always find it very intimidating to paint big pictures, obviously you know, it’s very easy to make a small piece of art, for me at least. I’ve been trying to make a really big one so it’s really big, and it’s very scary; but it’s very soothing. Painting to me is like the same as music but the opposite, because it’s an outlet for the art and it’s quiet and serene. While music is very explosive for me so it’s a very nice thing to have in my life. I feel very balanced.”

Some words on KumiRei since I’m in another Hibike renaissance and can give time to how I feel I don’t agree 100% with any major camps on how its perceived in the anime though I do consider it romantic 

First off I believe KumiRei is not only romantic as a WLW, but both characters are aware of this romantic nature they don’t show anyone else, they are not in full denial nor are they just friends- instead its a complex weave of the two, and they act accordingly

Neither do I believe either is heterosexual but rather Bisexual (Reina) and questioning Lesbian (Kumiko)

I’m drawing from deeply personal experience on it which is part of why I think this way regarding them so in saying that I think the issue is people are too used to formulas when viewing media, if A is seen as true then it must lead to B then C and maybe D and so on, but while I’ve been guilty of the same I think that’s a limiting way to view/engage with art, love doesn’t have to follow the old They confess, Everything is fine in the end, They get married, They have babies etc. path

There’s nothing wrong with liking that concept but when you fixate on holding something to a rigid standard of expectations, then you’re missing other perspectives and bigger pictures, you’re kinda locking yourself away from accepting life is made of lives not just your own, experiences not just your own, and how you choose to deal with those lives and yours (See only the tree, miss the forest and so on)

Hibike! is a show dedicated to human interpretation and expression in all of its characters and their intricate relationships so applying formulas to it to me is inherently missing the point to paint it as something its not trying to be (and reading it as strictly heterosexual is ignorance of an lgbt perspective)

All of that out the way and being said, every Kumiko and Reina interaction is a progression of romance that has the complication of being between two girls in a contemporary setting; every word, every silence, every touch or look is framed as openness for two people who’s entire foundation is struggling to find a place among humanity and peers and even initially toward each other, they have a defined separation between how they see themselves as together, as one, with a completeness they show others only in shades, so that every gesture they make as people with others has consideration they practiced and established first between each other, they are the genesis for a measure of each other’s overall humanity

Kumiko shoots higher because she sees Reina live it; Reina humbles her pride for empathy because she saw Kumiko try it, the list goes on and has been said by many- Kumiko is Kumiko near Reina and Reina is Reina near Kumiko, no gimmicks no tricks no hung up reservations on trust like there is with others, they simply are together and that is so hard to achieve, to be understood

People get caught up on Reina’s unreciprocated (thank god jsdifsj Edit: i rewatched the scene where Kumiko tells Reina she's rooting for her after learning Taki's wife died and I love the sentiment but that's still fuckin gross and I'd really like the entire Taki crush situation squashed completely in S3 whatever form it takes- I get they're teenagers so they don't know better and that kinda thing does happen (I know from personal experience even) but it's still wrong) feelings for Taki-sensei as they do the Shūichi + Kumiko situation then think that means KyoAni has no concept of homosexuality for not depicting the expected formula cishet couples (and Yuri as an exploitative genre) depict rather than remember that for now and for most including myself lgbt relationships are not part of the accepted normal and so can't be compared nor should they be expected to integrate in the exact same way to be valid- and Kumiko and Reina themselves seem to operate on knowing this which lends them an air of sadness to a degree because they can't (for Kumiko and her CompHet/Side that dislikes upsetting people which I feel lead her to accept then leave Shūichi's romantic interest even more so because in the end being in love with him isn't who she is and walking away there is growth on her part) be their entire selves and act in more intimate ways on their homosexuality than they already are

They know their closeness is special to them, their attraction is special, they know it's not how they treat other friends, and they know by how they keep treating each other that it's a level of romance especially in the way they say This is a confession of love not just in having said such a thing, they're not in denial enough to stop being as they are together but they are struggling to reconcile and build on how they see their other relationships which includes the men in their life and social expectation given their lgbt sides in their identities, not just because the series treats them as people but because they're teenagers (I feel like people forget they're kids all the time), and no teenager ever has all of themselves sorted out at their age even more than most adults, teens should be allowed to safely explore what the hell the world and other people mean for them to discover themselves and that's what I think is happening

When I was their age I didn't consciously realize my best friend was the love of my life since we were 11 in my eyes because of denial and fear to act on it or take a chance on my intensity being reciprocated, instead I loved her more than I loved myself while still having crushes and being in love with other girls all the time- even as she and I had what I felt was the same level of intimacy, love, and openness, we even entertained the idea of growing up to live together and it was only as an adult that I finally looked back and saw what she told me she already knew about me being in love

Reina and Kumiko canonically mull over the idea that they'd be separated as time goes on, and I think the observation shouldn't be When will they be a couple but rather They're too scared of going all the way as a couple for life to pull the rug from under them, they are for now in love and guarding it, preserving it with the last bit of distance they possess in themselves, and the question is when will they be comfortable enough to not need that fear

Human relationships are complicated and multilayered and can never be fully defined by set order and if the show accepts that then it's how I want to see it

GLAMOUR’s November coverstar Lili Reinhart: A powerful interview on anxiety, depression, therapy and body image.

“Depression has affected me in so many ways. It’s something that never goes away,” Lili Reinhart confides to me over the phone. She’s in Vancouver, I’m in LA, but the distance doesn’t stop us having one of the most open and honest interviews of my career.

Many interviews with Lili seek to get the lowdown on her relationship with her Riverdale co-star, Cole Sprouse, who she’s been officially dating since 2018. Indeed, after much talk of a break-up over the summer, Lili notably uploaded a series of photobooth PDA shots with Cole, leading to an internet meltdown and more than seven million Instagram likes. But it’s the conversation around her other, more long-term relationship – with anxiety and depression – that she wants to talk about today.

“I’ve experienced depression and anxiety. Not constantly, but I’m still experiencing it,” she shares. “I have spells of time where I feel completely unmotivated, I don’t want to do anything and I question myself. I don’t know how to handle stress very well. I find that talking about it and sharing my experience with other people, and reminding myself that I’m not alone has been incredibly therapeutic.” At 23 years old, she has found an open and honest voice on social media, sharing everything from body image to her acne with her 20.8 million Instagram followers. It’s an outlet that has no doubt empowered others, but has also helped herself -no wonder Lili was just named as one of Time Magazine's 100.

Speaking openly is something Lili believes strongly in, since attending therapy in her teens. “When I first started going to therapy, it was out of my incredible social anxiety. I was having trouble going to school every day. I was crying before school. I would fake being sick so my mom would let me stay home. When you hear the term ‘crippling anxiety’, that’s what I had when I was 14 years old.

“Seeing the therapist allowed me to be understood. The goal for me has been to always leave therapy feeling a couple of inches taller. Feeling like I’ve alleviated myself of a problem by learning how to solve it. Not everything has a straight answer – it’s not just going to take one session – but I start to think, ‘I’ve grown, I’ve done this, I’ve figured this out, now can I go off into the world and try to put what I’ve learned into action.’ That’s how I look at therapy. I am not crazy, and I am not problematic. I am just a human who’s feeling something in a different way than some other people would.”

Having battled with anxiety for nearly a decade and actively seeking help for it, I wonder what Lili’s relationship with anxiety is like now? “Frustrating. It’s something that I’ve accepted, but I don’t understand it,” she sighs.

“Sometimes I wake up and I’m like, ‘OK, I have anxiety today.’ I’m not really sure why, I’m more irritable than usual. It’s like an undercurrent that lives within me, and certain social situations can obviously trigger my anxiety. I work a lot of hours, sometimes I don’t get a lot of sleep, and that makes me anxious. I’ve found a way to talk myself down when I’m getting super anxious.”

The small act of writing a list to help rationalise her big issues has helped. “I will take a pen to paper and write out a list of everything that I’m feeling anxious about, then when I step back and look at my list of things I’m like, ‘That’s really not that much to be worried about and there’s really no need for it to be causing you this much turmoil.’ That’s how I’ve learned to put things into perspective.”

When Lili isn’t hustling to deal with her mental health, she’s negotiating the greasy pole of Hollywood, which is apt given her recent big screen role in strip club drama Hustlers, alongside Jennifer Lopez. Jenny from the Block herself has taught Lili a lot about the power of hustling. “Jennifer Lopez has said about herself, ‘I’m always the hardest worker in the room and I never stop,’” says Lili. “I admire that and that’s what I’ve been doing. At least this past year has been trying to take advantage of where I am in my life. I don’t have kids, I’m young, in my 20s – I can take the time and energy to put into my career.”

Lili is booked and busy. Aside from Riverdale, she has just landed a coveted CoverGirl beauty campaign, finished her first producing role on the Amazon movie Chemical Hearts, and recently put the final touches to her book of poetry, Swimming Lessons, both of which will drop in 2020.

She says poetry has helped her to understand herself. “It’s therapeutic,” she adds. “I would rather feel too much, than feel nothing at all. Poetry gives me that feeling that my feelings are normal, justified. That other people have felt heartache and grief. I know that the things I’ve written are what 99% of human beings have felt, when they read my book.”

It’s this knowledge of struggle that meant playing strip club worker Annabelle in Hustlers really spoke to her. “I love how Annabelle doesn’t have her sh*t together, because that’s very real. There’s been a large amount of times in my life – like when I first moved to LA, away from my parents’ house and living on my own for the first time, I almost felt like a baby bird jumping out of a nest. You’re just told to fly, without being taught how to fly. You can learn how to balance your cheque book in school, learn how to pay taxes, but no one teaches you how to live on your own, how to take care of yourself, and how to be an adult. It’s very much a trial by fire.”

Meanwhile, alongside her rise to fame, Lili was managing her well documented issue with body dysmorphia – something Lili attributes to acne and to social media, which both contributed to it, but also helped her to manage it by connecting her to a like-minded community of people.

“Even today, I see myself in the mirror and think, this doesn’t look the way the world tells me it should. I don’t have a cinched, minuscule waist. I do have curves, I have cellulite, my arms aren't stick thin,” she says. “This is my body and we’re told that it should fit certain proportions. There’s such a disgusting problem right now with people photoshopping their bodies. Obviously, there’s a reason why people do it, they’re insecure, they feel like they’re not good enough, and that’s incredibly sad. When I see someone who’s authentically themselves, like models Charli Howard or Ashley Graham, who promote healthy, real body images, I think that is so refreshing and important. Our community values need to reflect that.”

She adds: “Charli’s messaging talks to me on social media. She makes me feel like my body doesn’t need to fit these impossible standards, and she’s a model, my body will never look like that. It just won’t, and 90% of women’s bodies will never look like that, but we are still only used to seeing one body on the runway and in magazines. It’s an incredibly stupid and confusing thing for that to be shoved down young men and women’s throats. Being told: ‘This is what beautiful is.’ And it’s often unachievable to regular people.”

Lili has equally been very vocal about airbrushing – having once taken a magazine to task after they photoshopped her waist. “I would love to see a world where people who are already thin don’t need to photoshop their waist even more, to make young girls, like me, when I was 14 or 16 years old go, ‘I thought I was skinny, but maybe I’m not. Maybe I need to have an eating disorder to make my body look like that.’ Life is not a FaceTune app.” Can we get an amen up in here?

One body insecurity Lili has been conditioned into dealing with and won’t tolerate any longer is “this idea of cellulite”, as she angrily put it. “It really pisses me off. It’s this weird thing where people think that it’s unnatural or a symbol of being fat. It’s so f*cked up because cellulite is just a part of the human body. It’s just genetic, it’s like having freckles on your face. It’s something that is there, you’re born with it, and it’s become this disgusting thing. We’re told: ‘We need to laser this away, no one wants to see that.’ There's nothing more beautiful than when I see stretch marks, or cellulite, and people’s real skin.”

Taking a new healthy mindset into the gym has also helped Lili overcome her body insecurities. “I’ve started to go to the gym out of the want to feel strong. I’m not going into the gym thinking, ‘I want to be skinny, or I need to lose 10 pounds, or I need to not have cellulite, or my arms need to be thinner.’ There’s so much power in feeling strong and physically healthy. It’s badass to be strong.”

Having overcome so many self-confidence issues while simultaneously rising to fame, I wonder what message she would want to give to that insecure girl who was sleeping on a mattress only three years ago. Without hesitating, Lili replies, “You’ve done good! But also, the struggle that you’re going through right now only makes your success so much more profound. There are people who have been given fame and fortune on a silver platter, but I don’t think there’s anything inspirational about those people.

“I was from a small town in Ohio, from a middle-class family, I knew no one in the acting business. I didn’t have a baton passed down to me from an actor in my family. I did it on my own from sheer passion and knowing that this is what I was good at, and this is what I wanted to do. There truly is a lot of power in struggle and survival, and that’s what makes you a strong person,” she finishes, defiantly.

People don’t come much stronger or more honest than Lili Reinhart. As we hang up the phone so she can fly to LA – the place where, she says, “I want to settle down and have a home” – I only hope she finds a happy ever after with her own mind.

Source: Glamour

Thoughts on Steven Universe Future 3-13-2020

Together Forever: This episode was a lot less about Steven and Connie, and more about just Steven than expected.

Connie has some plans for college, but we don’t quite get to know what her career goals are exactly. She’s planning on getting into politics, but I’m not sure at what level or what branch. Not that that matters to the episode too much or anything. The University of Jayhawk is all the across the country from Delmarva. This is a distance that Steven cannot emotionally handle right now. Upon this realization, he sinks down into his bed, part of his “floating” powers.

It is good to see that he and Connie keep in touch at least over video calls. On a slightly more concerning note, Steven has memorized Connie’s schedule down to the minute.

Garnet says at the end of the episode, that there was no future in which Steven wouldn’t propose to Connie. I’m guessing had he talked to Garnet instead, he would have proposed to her out of spite or in an effort to prove Garnet wrong.

Instead of Garnet, we do get Ruby and Sapphire this episode. Steven doesn’t seem too surprised by their appearance in this episode, so I imagine that they have been teaching these classes for a while. Ruby is doing some kind of nature scout class, did she make those badges herself, or are they part of a nationally recognized scout organization? Either way she’s teaching some gems and Onion about the beauty of nature. Steven tells her about how Connie seems to really have her life together and knows what she is doing.

I can see a parallel here with Ruby and Sapphire, and Steven and Connie. In this particular case, Steven is Ruby. He doesn’t have the foresight that Connie does right now. He, in a way, lacks future vision.

Ruby, either lacking the knowledge of what might be socially acceptable or being too excited about prospect of Steven expressing his love, tells Steven that he should propose to her. Ruby’s logic here is that it worked for her. She ignores the fact that she and Sapphire had been together for over 5000 years and that they are adults.

Steven visits Sapphire as well, she is teaching a class on alternate timelines. I wonder what that entails exactly. I suppose that they do all of those equations that she explained to Steven, but with the understanding that the future still isn’t as predictable as one might think. She also encourages Steven to propose to Connie despite the fact that she is aware of the sociological implications of this, but she’s a hopeless romantic about it anyways.

Steven declare to the gems, that this will be his last day as Steven Cutie-Pie Demayo Diamond Quartz Universe. Interesting that that interaction with Garnet from almost 4 years ago left that impression on him. That is the same day that he learned about future vision, so I suppose that just stuck in his mind. Also, was he planning to take Connie’s last name or add Maheswaran to his plethora of middle names (that he thinks belongs on official documents for some reason).

He makes his plan. He gets jam, glow sticks and cake. On top of the world, he dresses his best and asks her out from outside her window. He says they’ll be back in 15 minutes (this reminds of an episode of How I Met Your Mother, but the season and name escape me).

At the beach, in the same place they first met, Steven has a picnic set up. Had this just be a romantic gesture or a proposal to date, not marriage, things probably would have gone a lot better for him. Connie responds well to all this. She has been shown to have romantic feelings for Steven in the past, she attempted to kiss him in An Indirect Kiss and she successfully kissed him on the cheek in the movie. Steven sings his song with the sentiment of “I want to be me with you”. The lyrics of which, like many love songs in my opinion, have a codependent quality to them. Steven doesn’t know his future, so he wants someone else to be his future, to be someone else.

Connie, very sensibly, says no. They are young, have never discussed this, and I’m pretty sure they aren’t even an item. She also tells him, “It’s a not now” because there is plenty of time. Steven is in his unending quest for stability, and he still hasn’t found it.  Throughout this conversation Connie and Steven occupy opposite spaces on screen. They are in different places in their lives right now, sure and unsure, stable and unstable.

I think if Steven were around more teens his age, he might not be feeling this way, so much at least. He would realize how many people don’t have their lives figured out at this age. Many people his age just want to graduate high school. He really needs to talk to Greg about this. Greg wanted to be a musician, but he was also a community college drop out. He didn’t have everything figured out. (I’m pretty sure this will be part of next week’s episodes in some way)

Connie is willing to stick around when her alarm goes off. Steven tells her to go, probably because he doesn’t want to burden her and because he won’t be holding it together for long. As soon as she leaves, he lies back and creates a crater. The shockwaves ruining the picnic. He lies there until dark.

When he gets up, Garnet is there. She explains to him the inevitability of this situation. She tells him that the hole he is trying to fill won’t be filled by Connie or Stevonnie. Connie is not his “missing piece”. In this scene, Garnet is towering and Steven feels almost as small as his younger self. I think this accentuates how young and foolish Steven was this episode. He holds a frustrated look during this conversation. He says he blames Garnet for making this all look so easy. Reminds me of Cry for Help/Friendship. Pearl had felt the same way about Ruby and Sapphire/Garnet. Steven and Pearl craved that perceived perfection.

Steven then eats his feelings.

Growing Pains: I was wrong in my prediction that Steven would either be stuck in pink mode or have a human ailment.

The episode opens with a scene from the newest instalment of dogcopter. In the movie, Dogcopter proposes to a dog named Drew. Steven laments the fact that “everyone else is getting married”. He continues to eat his feelings like at the ending of last episode, and then his body starts getting out of control. He keeps growing sporadically. He mostly ignores it because it doesn’t hurt him physically.

He wants to reach out to someone who isn’t Connie right now. He can’t reach the gems, so he calls Greg, who is on tour with Sadie and Shep right now. Greg is having a great time, and Steven won’t rain on that parade, even when Greg offers to call him back. He almost wants to call Connie, but she calls him instead. His shapeshifting forces him to answer her call.

He can no longer hide what’s going on with him, since it is manifesting physically. Connie suggests that he should see a doctor. He doesn’t want to bother anyone even when he is physically unwell. He even describes it as a waste of time. Connie persuades him.

Steven pays Doctor Maheswaran a visit, Connie escorts him in. As soon as Connie leaves the room for them to conduct tests, she calls Greg.

This episode really explores how both human and gem Steven really is. He has a human body and it is effected like a human body is. But he is also a gem, it makes his body react unusually and if he’s fractured skeleton is any indication, it is keeping him alive.

Dr. Maheswaran finds out about Steven’s physical traumas through his x-ray. She asks him if he had any particularly traumatic experiences. Steven basically recalls the entire show. Dr. Maheswaran goes on to describe the physical aspects of trauma and the way the body reacts in a way I don’t think I’ve ever seen in any piece of fictional media. Steven’s body is trying to protect him from danger that isn’t there anymore. Minor stress to him is now the equivalent to major stress. To make things worse, he feels as though his support system is gone.

When he thinks back to the proposal, things go haywire. As his body continues to grow in size, he takes up more and more of the room. He is almost too big to fit. There is nowhere left for him to hide. He yells “I can’t be around you right now” much in the way he yelled “I just want to fix it” back in Volleyball. His yell shatters the windows.

Greg finally arrives, revealing that Connie had called him. Connie still very much cares about Steven. He explains to Greg that everything feels like the end of the world to him now.

Receiving understanding and support from Greg is what gets Steven to go back to his normal size. At home he continues to explain his fears and worries. All of which, as Greg explains, are normal. Steven now knows what his problem is, or at least one aspect of it, but I don’t think his problems are solved just yet. From the way he “swells up” in response to stress in this episode, I think something big is about to happen in the show. Something so big, that for his body to protect him from it, he will grow into the giant monster from the opening theme song.

Predictions for next week:

Discussion of leaks ahead

Mr. Universe: Still no episode description for this one, but I imagine this is where Steven crashes the van. Steven is still not in a great place right now, and while he seems more willing to talk about things, his body is still reacting in a way that is unsafe for him and others. I believe that this will lead to the van crashing. As others have pointed out, this episode may involve Pearl because she played a big part in the episode Mr. Greg. I still somehow think this episode will be the story of how Rose decided to have Steven, if not it will be about how Greg made the decision to drop out of college and take on the rockstar persona Mr. Universe.

Fragments: This is where that first leak came from, the “leave me alone I need space one”. I’m still not 100% sure what “fragments” is in reference to. Others I have discussed with have suggested memories. I am not entirely sure the direction of this.

                                              Mirabile Visue

Summary: Sister Agatha Van Helsing discovers she’s in over her head when a competitive game of chess ultimately results in her becoming pregnant with the child of her worst enemy, Count Dracula. Now tied by a bond deeper than blood, the two must learn to coexist and adapt in a world that could be potentially hostile towards their offspring. Parenthood has never looked so batty.

Characters: Dracula/Sister Agatha Van Helsing

Chapters: 7/?

Read on FFN and AO3

A/N: You guys are simply amazing! Thank you so much for your feedback! Sorry for the delay, I have a few new Dracula stories so I’m trying to balance out updates for all of them! Also, my current avatar/icon was designed by the marvelous mitsukatsu! It's an adult Sorina. Any artwork you’ve seen related to this story has been created by them! Also the photograph in the chapter is done by her also! Go check out their tumblr! You won’t regret it! Here is the next chapter, as promised! -Jen

                                            Chapter Seven

                                      Zoe Van Helsings's Residence

                                                    Present Time

"What kept you?"

Sorina was never one for the spotlight. Besides her relationship with Jack and their occasional outings, she held to her privacy. No social media-mostly because Zoe had insisted she avoid it, attention was something she never sought. So now, the three pairs of eyes who stared her down with immense concentration left her feeling more or less uncomfortable. Especially, since they belonged to none other than her own parents and aunt.

"Why are they here?" Sorina asked, her mouth still dry from the shock of it all.

"Why were you out?" Zoe countered, arms folded. "You know the rules. How many times do I have to drill it into your mind. The world is a dangerous place, Sorina. You can't just go prancing about without asking-"

"I shouldn't have to ask, I'm one hundred and twenty three years old," she spat back. "Were you tracking my phone?! And again, why are they here?! How did they even get…"

"She invited us in," Agatha interrupted. "Your father can be very...persuasive," she through a disapproving look towards her husband.

"I offered to go find you myself," Dracula shrugged, the corner of his lips curving into a smirk. "Had a feeling where you were, father's intuition, but decided to give Zoe the choice. I walk into a club full of human feeling rather parched, or she could allow us both inside to wait for your return. I think she made the right call, wouldn't you say, Doctor?"

"Just come inside, Sorina," Zoe exhaled, pinching the brim of her nose. "If we keep arguing, it'll be dawn before we stop."

"Don't have to ask me twice," the young woman grumbled, pushing past the other adults. "All I wanted was one night! One night to feel the least bit normal. And with Jack! I'm sick of being stuck at the Foundation, mulling over this sorry excuse of an existence!"

"This Jack character," Dracula ventured. "I'm rather keen on learning more about him."

"I'm going to my room now," his daughter growled, ignoring his statement. "All of this has made me tired. Just stay out of my way," her eyes flashed to her parents. "I don't care what you do, I don't care if you stay here, just give me space. That's the least you can do!"

"Sorina," Agatha began. "We…"

But the halfling had already climbed the steps, reaching the second level. The parents exchanged looks and Dracula offered his wife a small smile. But Agatha didn't return the gesture. Sighing, she ran her fingers through her hair. One minute her daughter was a happy, lively three year old, and now, what seemed like moments but had actually been years, she had developed a hatred for them. Who could blame her? She couldn't begin to imagine what it must've felt like to believe she'd been abandoned.

"She'll come around," her husband said, taking her hand. "Give her a chance."

"I'm starting to question that," she admitted, her attention shifting to Zoe. "I hate to impose on you, but could we burden you with staying the night-or, day rather? Our apartment is still being fitted to meet our needs. I understand if you don't-"

"Basement," Zoe mumbled. "I can't offer you much else. I'm doing this for Sorina. Not you. Even if she is upset," she gazed up towards the stairs. "If you met your true death, I think she's suffered enough hurt to last her lifetime."

"Thank you," the vampire smiled. "We won't stay longer than necessary."

"Oh I know," Zoe replied simply. "I'll just rescind your invitation if you do."

Dracula opened his mouth, clearly about to make a snarky reply when Agatha grabbed his wrist tightly. "Enough," she said firmly, eyes boring into his. "Be gracious and let's go. I'm feeling rather off. I think a nice rest would help."

The doctor watched closely as the two vampires made their way to the basement door. Grasping the handle, the count twisted it open. When Agatha wasn't paying attention, he threw Zoe a dirty look before disappearing into the darkness. When they were finally gone, the woman sighed, leaning tiredly against the wall. As she debated whether or not to go and confront Sorina, her cell phone began to buzz from within her pocket.

"Dr. Zoe Van Helsing, who's this I'm speaking to?"

"Dr. Van Helsing? I'm one of the researchers at the Harker Foundation? We ran some tests on the blood samples you collected? You're going to want to hear this…"

                                                        XXX

"I love you more than words can wield the matter, Dearer than eyesight, space and liberty. Do you know what that's from, Sorina?"

The little girl looked up curiously from where she sat in her father's lap. It was late and her mother had already gone to bed. Sorina, however, could not find the will to sleep. Instead, she curled up close to her father, relaxed by the warmth of the flames in the fireplace.

"No, Papa," she admitted.

"It's from William Shakespeare's play, King Lear. It means, my little one, that I, and your mother, love you more than anything else in this world," he murmured, stroking her head. "More than the moon and the stars. The sun. More than everything. You are our most valued treasure. Nothing will take away our love for you," he smiled. "Even if we aren't there."

"Aren't there?" Sorina asked, straightening up. "Where are you going, Papa?"

"Nowhere, Micul mea liliac," he assured her. "I just want you to know, that no matter what, no matter the distance, the time, the place, you are always in our hearts as we are in yours. You can remember that, yes?"

"Yes, Papa," she promised, smiling. "I love you."

"I love you too, my darling Sorina," he murmured, touching his forehead to hers. "Forever and always."

Forever and always.

Sorina woke with a start, sitting up abruptly in bed to find Agatha standing at one of her dressers. The woman looked just as surprised, something held in her grasp. Before her daughter could utter a word, the vampire spoke up.

"Sorry, I thought you were fast asleep," she gave a small smile. In her hands, Sorina could make out a picture frame. "Is this you? Well, of course it is, but when was it taken?"

Slowly, the girl rose from underneath her covers. Why she had not snapped and demanded the woman leave, she was unsure. Walking to her side, Sorina took the picture carefully from her mother and examined it. It was faded, black and white, but she remembered the outfit so well. A blue hat that complimented her curls, a matching mid length dress that fell just below her knees, and a pair of oxford shoes she'd been given as a Christmas present.

"1934," she said, brushing her fingers against the frame. "We were holding a dinner party-well, Uncle Abraham was. I was allowed to attend. One of those rare occasions. There was a photographer and everything. I felt free that night, normal. I was passed off as a distant relative, it was exciting really…" Sorina sighed, the nostalgia of it all bringing both comfort and sadness. "That was before the war really struck England. Before life became...much harder."

"I'm sorry I was there," Agatha replied, hesitantly reaching out to place a hand on Sorina's shoulder. She didn't flinch away. "I cannot begin to imagine what it must've been like."

"No," the girl whispered, tears beginning to cloud her vision. "No you can't. You don't know what it's like to watch those you love die time and time again. To witness such horrors, forced to hide like some prisoner. To believe that after all this time...after everything…"

The picture clattered back onto the dresser as the former nun wrapped her arms around her daughter. Sorina's cries turned into sobs as she buried her face into her mother's shoulder. Agatha held her tight, almost as tight as she did their last night together on the Demeter. Sorrow. Pain. It ran from the girl's body onto hers. So many years. So much agony built up.

"It's okay now," she murmured. "Everything is going to be alright."

"Mum," Sorina whimpered. "Mum, I missed you so much!"

The two held each other tightly, finally finding the comfort both had sought so hard for.

                                                      XXX

"Pregnant? There's absolutely no way that's possible!"

"The results don't lie, Dr. Van Helsing," the researcher responded on the phone. "Agatha is indeed pregnant. The only explanation we can gather is that she conceived prior to being turned. Then in that comatose state-vampire sleep, whatever terminology you wish to use, the fetus too became dormant, its growth only restarting when its mother was awakened. I've...well, we've never seen anything like it."

"Can you tell how far along she is?" Zoe breathed, glancing behind her at her closed bedroom door.

"A few weeks," he replied. "A month at most. Do you think they're aware?"

"If they were, I'm sure we would've known by now," the doctor said quietly. "So this...anomaly, is it dangerous? Is it like Sorina?"

"It's too early to tell," the researcher responded. "But we need to keep her monitored. Something this unpredictable can't be ignored. She needs to come back to the Foundation. By any means necessary. If she won't come willingly…"

"I know," Zoe interrupted, resting her head on her palm. "I'll handle this...let me see what I can do."

"Keep up posted," the man said before the phone clicked off.

The doctor stared down at the floor, her mind racing. So much had happened in so little time. And now this. A pregnant vampire. Sorina's mother. A sibling. Hadn't she been given enough on her plate. She inhaled deeply through her nose and closed her eyes. God forgive her.

                                                            XXX

Jack Seward sat at his desk, casually enjoying a bag of crisps as he clicked through online videos. Despite being wide awake for so long, he didn't feel nearly tired enough to call it a night. As he moved his hand to click to the next viral sensation, his phone buzzed.

"Hello, Jack."

The young man's brow furrowed. It was odd, a number he didn't recognize. Perhaps one of his friends got a new phone? He pushed the chips aside and paused the video, his fingers moving against the keys.

"Hi, who's this?"

He watched as the typing icon blinked. The moment the message appeared, his blood ran cold.

"Count Dracula. Or, you may better know me as Sorina's father. I think it's about time we became acquainted."

Until that moment, Jack thought it was just a saying when people claimed to wet their pants when they were scared. Good thing for modern society. It was about time he put that washer and dryer to good use.

love or fear of cold

summary: killua can’t sleep. it’s the problem with getting used to a storm who can’t shut up and can’t stop moving. when it’s quiet, it’s hard to tell where he went. 

notes:  okay yeah I didn’t write anything for several weeks but look over here, a fluff! for that au I have where gon’s a summer storm and killua and alluka are stormchasers. also happy saint’s day for the patron saint of beekeepers and the plague. G, aged-up killugon (killua’s ~23 or 24, gon’s a storm so.), thunderstruck au, 2000 words. (title’s from mumford and sons)

----

Killua can’t sleep.

Once, it wouldn’t have made sense that some place can be too quiet. His parents’ homes are either too far away or too high above the world, the barest wisps of clouds or the distant hum of traffic the only white noise to break through the thick walls of metal and glass. Even Gramps’s place, the old mansion an hour outside of town, doesn’t so much make noise as echo with nothing, the butlers’ footsteps silent. The world was quiet, and Killua had slept easy knowing that was how it was made for him.

But that was a long time ago.

When he and Alluka had first stayed at Palm’s house, pressed into clean clothes and warm food by a cranky Palm and an apologetic Ikalgo, neither of them had slept well. The whole place creaks with a threat that it’s about to fall down even in the lightest breeze, as though the warmth built steadily in an ancient heater will leak out the cracks. The house isn’t too far from her restaurant, but it’s been around since before the storms can remember, a weathered old monster not nearly large enough to hold three (mostly) humans, a doctor, an octopus, and a storm.

Now, Killua’s used to the aches of old timber, the sighing winds of open plains, even the chill of winter creeping around the mantle. It reminds him that he’s not where he was. But more importantly, it reminds him that Gon’s around. The storm has trouble staying in one spot for very long, let alone trying to sleep like a normal person. So he roams the fields and the forests, and the winds howl after him. Maybe they chase him, but knowing Gon, he’s leading them around, exploring the nooks and crannies of the world. He might not be staying with Killua at night, but he won’t leave either. They’ve only known each other since summer, and Killua already can’t imagine a week going by without seeing his friend, without hearing his laughter or smelling the static of wet fields and thunder. It’s a strange comfort, hearing the creaking of the world at night and knowing it’s Gon. Strange, and new, and exciting in ways Killua isn’t sure he wants to explore yet.

Tonight, though. Tonight is silent, and Gon’s not around. So Killua can’t sleep.

At least Alluka can. His sister sighs softly, buried under a stack of quilts Palm dug out of the closet. The forecast said it was going to get cold, but neither Zoldyck was prepared for just how cold. Not this early in the season. Killua’s own pile is even thicker, but it’s not the cold he’s having a problem with.

His whole body shivers when his feet hit the icy wooden floor, and he wraps himself up in at least two of his blankets. The whole house is quiet, the only sound the creaking of the floorboards as he tiptoes out of the room. If he can’t sleep, he can at least borrow Palm’s cocoa tin while she’s not awake to chastise him about how much sugar he puts in his hot chocolate. He’s an adult, with a paying job and a solid following on social media. He can drink as much sugar as he likes.

Killua gets halfway down the stairs when a familiar frizz of static settles over his skin. He spins and nearly catches the hem of his quilts, hissing a curse as he struggles to not tumble down the stairs. Maybe it’s the magic his family buried in his blood, or maybe it’s being around the storm for too long, but Killua knows exactly where Gon is.

Worry drains out of his shoulders before he realizes he was carrying it. Not like Gon would leave. It’s silly to think that the house was quiet because Gon left. Gon would have said something first, because he’s loud and energetic and bleeds with his emotions. Killua never had anything to worry about.

...Hot cocoa comes first.

A pot of boiled water later, Killua follows the gentle static through the chilly air up to the roof. As the panel drops back to the shingles, the storm jolts up, smile bright enough to see even in the moonless night. “Killua!” he says, voice too loud for the silence.

Killua smiles despite himself. “Hey Gon. Can you give me a hand?”

A warm wind stirs around them both warningly. But this time Gon decides to not use a small tornado to lift Killua, instead taking both mugs of hot cocoa to let Killua scramble onto the tiles. “Why are you still awake?”

Killua shrugs, carefully rearranging the blankets around his shoulders so he can sit comfortably. “Couldn’t sleep. Why are you here tonight and not running off? And gimme my cocoa.”

“Didn’t feel like it,” Gon says, and hands over one of the mugs before taking a sip of his own. “This is a lot of sugar, Killua.”

“I can have as much sugar as I want. Not like I’m going to sleep anytime soon.” He takes a long slurp, ignoring how Gon snickers. “You don’t even try to sleep. I know storms don’t sleep, but you’re in a human body. Do you not want to try?”

“Maybe someday.” He leans against Killua, and his skin is unnaturally warm through his favorite jacket. “You seem to like it.”

“I don’t like it, but I have to. Sleep deprivation sucks.”

Gon hums, and the cold night air vibrates. “I could sleep with you?”

Killua spits out his cocoa. “That’s--Gon, there’s sleeping, and then there’s sleeping, and you don’t know… What are you--?”

Gon is laughing openly now, and a warm breeze wraps around both of them like an extra blanket. Killua decides storms are assholes. Or at least this one is. So he swipes the second mug of hot cocoa and downs it in a single go, glaring at Gon all the while.

The storm pouts. Killua does not notice how cute it is. Storms aren’t cute. At least, not this one. Kirk was cute, in a Tropical Storm funny postings from the national weather service sort of way. Anthropomorphic storms with constellations of freckles and big brown eyes and a laugh that makes Killua’s heart pound--those aren’t cute.

Vengeance exacted and hot cocoa gone, Killua settles back into his cocoon of blankets, and Gon returns to his spot at Killua’s side, head leaning against the quilts approximately around Killua’s shoulder. “I didn’t want to go to the forest tonight because the stars were talking,” Gon says.

Killua blinks. “I didn’t hear anything.”

“Exactly! They speak in silence, and sometimes you can figure out what they’re talking about. Listen.” Gon points up at the night sky. Stretched out above them is a canopy of stars, unblemished and bright against inky darkness. Some are brilliant, massive orbs of burning gas lightyears away but sparkling like gemstones. Others are scattered like dust, too far away to gather together. All of them are so far away. But above Killua, they almost seem close enough to touch.

He wonders what Gon hears in them.

“I can’t hear anything,” Killua finally whispers.

Gon nods. “That’s okay. I didn’t figure out how to listen to them for a long time, either.”

“Oh.”

They’re quiet awhile longer, Gon listening to the stars and Killua listening to the breeze. Up here, it’s easier to hear the gentle patterns of wind swirling around Gon, the storm’s summery warmth pulling at the evening chill. Occasionally, the shingles will tremble, or the half-plowed fields will rustle below. The night’s quiet, but not silent. Not with Gon around.

Killua is starting to doze when the storm laughs, a weirdly rueful noise that echoes through the roof, vibrating the shingles beneath them. “I’m awake,” he mutters.

“Oh, sorry, Killua.” There’s a strange look in Gon’s eyes, and not the sort of look where his sclera are bright gold. This look is practically human, piercing and patient and just a dash of nerves.

So Killua pokes him in the side, firmly. “Out with it,” he says. “You didn’t wake me up for nothing.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Gon says. He’s still staring at Killua with that weird look. His hands start to reach for something, but stop halfway there and tangle in the quilts. Killua can taste the static in the air, getting denser by the second. “Killua, can I kiss you?”

Whatever Killua had been expecting, that isn’t it. Gon’s always full of surprises--that he’s a storm, that he loves the world around him and always wants more out of it. He makes everyone around him look at the world differently, because Gon can’t help but see things sideways, or from far away, or from much too close. Gon is interesting. Has been since the day they met. It’s why their friendship became so strong so fast, and Killua’s been happy with it. But Killua never even considered that Gon might want more from Killua.

Not least because Killua wants to kiss Gon.

He wants to kiss Gon.

“Why?” he blurts, and immediately wishes he’d said anything else.

Gon shrugs, a small smile on his face. “I want to.”

Killua’s mouth opens and shuts without letting out any sound. Maybe he’s curious, one more human thing for the storm to learn. Has Gon even kissed anyone before? He must have, if he’s a storm, and he looks like he does, and at least he’s seen people kissing before. And Killua doesn’t want to just think about what it would be like, kissing someone made of wind and lightning and summer.

Would kissing Gon call down a storm? Would Killua even care if he’s struck by lightning again? He can handle it, magic channeling electricity through him like a battery. And if he can handle that, he can handle...

Gon’s smile wanes a little. “If you don’t want to, that’s okay,” he says. “I’m not--”

“Okay.”

Gon blinks, and his grin is back in full force. “Really?”

Killua shoves aside as much of his blankets as he can afford to, and covers the storm’s hands with his own. Almost immediately, a current runs between them, and the hair on the back of Killua’s neck stands straight up. “Yes, you idiot. Have you even done this before?”

As a response, Gon kisses him.

It’s incredibly chaste, barely the press of skin on skin. But Killua’s breath catches in his throat, unable to escape as their lips move gently against each other. Even if Gon’s never kissed anyone before, or has kissed as many people as Killua has, this is theirs. No one else could kiss a storm and fill their lungs with electricity, no one else would be stupid enough or brave enough or wanting enough. Killua wants to be the only one. A sudden wind curls around them, tugging at the blankets and sending Killua’s hair into immediate disarray. Like everything else about him, Gon’s kiss is warm, and his fingers tangle with Killua’s, grounding them to each other, a promise that he won’t go anywhere, at least for now.

They pull apart slowly. When Killua leans his forehead against Gon’s, a spark of static jumping from his skin to Gon’s and making the storm’s hair stand up even more than usual. And brighter than the starlight, Gon’s brown eyes are shot through with a burning, brilliant gold.

Small clouds drift and coil overhead, and Gon whispers, “Thanks, Killua.”

Killua coughs a broken laugh, his cheeks on fire. “Only you would thank someone for that. It’s just a kiss.”

“It’s not just a kiss!” Gon says.

Killua flops onto his back, using his quilts to soften the fall. Gon curls up against him, spiky hair tickling Killua’s chin and gold fading away from his eyes. But Killua can’t look away. “Then what’s it supposed to be?” he asks.

The storm turns back to the sky, a smile on his face and a chill in the air. “It’s a kiss from you, Killua.”

And Killua can hear the stars singing.

WWNRD?  Or, What Would Nurse Ratched Do?  Ft. Nurse Ratched 

Cannabis Refugee, Esq. Advertising / Media / Cultural Conversation, Alternative Treatment, Capitalistic Patriarchal Medicine, Family / Friends, Marijuana / Cannabis, Other Autoimmune Diseases, Radical Feminism

October 31, 2019

Nurse Ratched was a sadistic, evil bitch at the time and would be that and a dangerously out of touch political dinosaur now.  Please do not do what she would do.  If anything, ask yourself WWNRD and then do the opposite.

Speaking with my mother recently made me sympathize with young smartasses and activists who are just waiting for the elder generation — the out of touch Baby Boomers and the Baby Boomers’ parents and kids by this point — to give up the ghost and die.  A “dinosaur” or political dinosaur is someone whose philosophy and worldview are obsolete and rooted in problematic values and circumstances of the distant past.  For example, as a young activist in my teens and 20s I remember thinking and saying that the world would be a better place once those who grew up with unregulated environmental pollution and legal institutionalized racism, sexism etc. died off because their environmental unconcern, racism and sexism were so entrenched that they either didn’t realize, agree or care what they were doing and being was wrong.

Welp.  After being sick my entire fucking life with an undiagnosed autoimmune disease, and going on 8 years with a diagnosed one, I am having these same thoughts now about the older generation of Western medical practitioners and others who were born, grew up and/or progenated in a low-population, relatively unpolluted pre-nuclear world where lifelong serious, untreatable, incurable and progressive disease existed only in very small numbers and therefore where older people seem to believe and act as if chronic illness did not and does not exist at all.

To be clear, chronic illness obviously did exist in our recent and distant past, for example, natural uranium deposits are known to cause acute and chronic radiation sickness to those who spend time around it. And humans have likely always been struck down with genetic and congenital maladies that might not have outright killed them.  But old/er people seem to have lived their entire lives without chronic illness, including autoimmune and immune-mediated disease, front and center in their consciousness or as a part of their lived experience and this does make sense: before, say, the 1940s and 50s the worst industrial (man-made ionizing nuclear) pollutants had yet to be widely dispersed and contemporary Western medicine did not, because it could not, routinely pluck seriously ill and/or nonviable neonates, infants and others from the brink of merciful, natural deaths.  Today, seriously ill children and others are rather forced to live for years, decades and lifetimes with serious illnesses that do not outright kill them, because Western medicine will not allow it, but which Western medicine has yet to figure out how to treat, relieve, or cure.

Having researched chronic illness, primarily autoimmune and immune-mediated disease for going on 8 years now, it seems to me that, in stark contrast to the life experience and worldview of older people, young people today generally are very aware that incurable and progressive chronic illness exists.  Over and over I see that young people today, at least young Western people, well understand and accept the reality of chronic illness much more freely than older people, and the implications of that are extremely dark.  From what I can discern, this difference in worldview likely exists because young people are increasingly becoming seriously chronically ill themselves.  Young people understand and accept the material reality of chronic illness because experiencing it personally as individuals and in their peer group they have no choice but to accept it.

And over and over I see that older people are generally ignorant about issues of chronic illness and that they have not experienced it either individually or in their peer group.  Frighteningly, instead of recognizing their blessed ignorance and trying to remedy it, older people think that their personal opinion based on outdated and second- and third-hand pseudo-knowledge about chronic illness matters or affects the outcome.  It doesn’t, but unfortunately many medical professionals, healthcare policymakers, paid and unpaid caretakers and the like embrace an outdated worldview that no longer applies in our post-nuclear, Western world, and thus do not or cannot fully believe the self-reports of, or even contemporary peer-reviewed medical research addressing, the experiences and needs of seriously chronically ill.

A few weeks ago, a day and a half into a migraine (I’m getting 4 day migraines now, yay!) I panicked over my migraine-related inability to work on my small business, pursue benefits, or do virtually anything as I was completely and totally incapacitated.  In what I can only describe as a misguided and ultimately futile cry for help, bedridden, I called my mother to update her about the situation, whereupon she made some statements of position that were so ignorant they verily shocked me.  Laying in the dark with a sleep mask over my eyes, and a puke bucket near my bed, what I heard uttered from my mother’s lips was so egregiously out of touch with accepted thinking that it frankly terrified me.

Attempting to explain to her how and why she was wrong exhausted me. Knowing that she was moved not an inch by my description of my plight — instead smugly maintaining her “position” throughout as if she were engaging in a political debate rather than considering an emergency communique — enraged me.

For example, when I told my mom that I had a new diagnosis of High Functioning Autism, or HFA, she seemed unsurprised but said I wasn’t autistic as a child because I was always “bright.”  Okay.   In her mind, my HFA-consistent and completely obvious lifelong deficits in executive function — think literal and figurative “housekeeping” — and social competency (including feminine roleplaying which also includes both literal and figurative housekeeping, fuck me sideways) had nothing to do with autism and instead were just me being a lifelong asshole, lazy, and a bitch.  She always believed that about me and she never hesitated to tell me about it.  But at least I was bright.  But now, because I’m no longer a practicing attorney and a “success” and instead am struggling to maintain any quality of life as a seriously ill person with limitations, and I can’t maintain an illusion of physical health anymore if I ever could, I’m a lifelong lazy asshole bitch and a freshly minted unbright/retard on top of it.  Also, there is apparently such a thing as adult-onset autism. Because she says so. 

Of course, my mother’s opinion about HFA is irrelevant and obsolete where HFA-literate people today know that high-functioning autism — the bright, non-retarded kind —  is a bona fide thing, that particularly HFA females are often not diagnosed until late/r in life, and that “brightness” or intelligence is often a symptom/feature of HFA and not the antithesis of it.       Autistic Tumblr — or any young autism or chronic illness related social media site — would tear that political dinosaur a new egg-hole if she dared say something so ignorant patently false about autistics on that platform.  And so they probably should if they wanted to expend the energy and if they thought it would help.

Yes, I recently discovered the dark corner of the internet known as Autistic Tumblr: young people creating content, commentary and community from the shared perspective and lived experience that autism and autism spectrum disorders (ASD) including HFA is real and has real, material effects on people’s lives.  Often, those effects have nothing to do with being low-functioning, or unbright.  Which is not to say that I find Autistic or Chronic Illness Tumblr a particularly sane or comforting place to be.  As I recently learned myself, Autistic Tumblr is an upsetting, dystopian place where young autistics put great effort into and emphasis on “normalizing” and “validating” terrible things that rightfully should never exist at all: autistic and chronic illness related things like melting down, stimming and managing chronic fatigue, chronic pain, chronic gut issues and the like, because although most of them are much younger than me, due to their autism and (likely) related physical and mental issues they are extremely ill and can barely get through their day.  

In fact, upon hearing and considering these self-reports, one might even speculate that physical and mental pain is what likely drives autistics’ trademark weird, antisocial and self-absorbed behavior, where they are in fact “bright” enough to communicate online at the very least (and often have work, school and social commitments) but are exhausted from insomnia, chronic pain and ME/CFS; anorexic because they can’t eat anything; are having infantile hand-flapping meltdowns in public or breaking into inopportune episodes of “stimming” behavior to soothe themselves and they can’t deal with people giving them the side-eye at school and work on top of it.  Autistic young people are living in hell, utter hell, judging from their self-reports.  Considering that vast and increasing numbers of young people are autistic, it seems likely that extreme physical and mental distress is normal for many young people now.  Young people much more than old people seem to know this.  People who care to put in a modicum of research know this.

To further illustrate, when I was attempting to describe my current limitations to my mother she completely dismissed me and said that when it comes to disability, one is either totally disabled or not disabled at all.  Lest I misunderstand what she meant by that, she spontaneously clarified her statement to mean that if I have limitations I should be in a “home” and if I don’t need to be in a “home” then there is no reason I can’t act as if I’m not disabled at all.  In other words, despite being demonstrably, seriously ill, I “should” be able to act/function as if I’m perfectly fine.  Because she says so.  

Of course, as I understand it, invalid “homes” are largely a thing of the past, at least in this country, having literally gone the way of the dinosaur.  And many sick and injured people are, in fact, demonstrably partially disabled, where they are able to perform some activities of daily living and perhaps some higher level activities like bookkeeping and such but not all; accessing “services” to help partially and even very disabled people to live as independently as possible — and not institutionalized — is the way it works now.  Partially disabled does not equal totally disabled, you sadistic Nurse Ratched, you decrepit fossil, nor does partially disabled mean not disabled at all.  She then proceeded to disagree with me — and contemporary peer reviewed medical research corroborating thousands of years of human history and shared experience — that cannabis is an effective anti-inflammatory and is particularly useful in inflammatory bowel disease including Crohn’s.  According to her, and based on nothing, pot isn’t an effective or necessary medicine for any condition, and it’s “merely” an effective pain reliever (!) and therefore is not actually medicine at all.  Because she said so.

This ignorant, sadistic ideological fossil maintains her nursing license and continues to “care for” actual patients including sick infants and children.   Whatever “caring” means to her, and people like her: assholes who rely on frighteningly outdated material on which to form and support their opinions on contemporary medical and social issues, including contemporary chronic illness that for whatever reason is increasing in incidence and prevalence.  And particularly in our post-nuclear, radioactively contaminated environment, including the toxic, autoimmune uterine environment in which many of us spend our first 3/4 of a year and which is known to cause autism.  While information on Crohn’s, HFA, medical marijuana etc. is easily Googleable, and appears to be widely known by young people, apparently my 67 year old nurse mother is waiting for the news to break via Teletype or otherwise didn’t get the memo.  

Of course, if I was a partially disabled man and had a wife (or mother) to perform all my executive function tasks (including bookkeeping services for my small business) for me, no one would even notice I was disabled.  If I were male instead of female perhaps my life wouldn’t be falling apart at all, and certainly the prospect of committing me to a nonexistent/extinct 1940s era invalid home because I can’t wait in line or consistently do my business and personal taxes anymore would have never been raised at all.

Comments Open.

                  MASHU ARCHAMAN || SUBSISTENCE

— picking up where her original 2019 and 2021 renewal runs left off. — 100% natural human, Romani’s Archaman’s daughter and Goetia’s little sister. — bubbly and self-assured, she was a flower who attracted the attention of an online following on her Stargram account, and received similar attention at school. — looked at to her father as a shining example of what a person should be and took after him in many respects, including accepting of the non-humans. — due to the demanding paths of her family, she would routinely be housekeeper and go the extra mile to see they could be comfortable and healthy. — worked part-time at Hope au Lait to save up for university and cosplay materials. — gacha gamer with her father, she kept tabs to make sure he wouldn’t whale. the rule was only during the special lucky bag banners do they dip into paying. — deeply disturbed after learning the truth about Chaldea and the need for the subversions to be sealed, she’s had time to process it all and doesn’t hold negative feelings towards Shielder or Ritsuka, recognising how much they’ve been through and take no pleasure in it. — she still struggles with what the sealing is supposed to insinuate she and the city really are, but has never reached an answer, and decided to live on normally under the belief that’s what they would want and what they can no longer do themselves.

              POST-SUBVERSION TIMELINE — 26 years old, 168cm, physically aged to match. — her hair has grown a little longer. when loose, it touches her shoulders, though she has a habit of wearing it up just like her father’s, using a scrunchie Gudako gave her. — true to her childhood ambition, she attended Spirale’s university to study and follow in Roman’s footsteps to work at his clinic. — she uses her education as an excuse to drag her older brother in for routine appointments. — fallen into the family’s habit of sleeping too little and overworking herself just a little, the coffee’s good though. — continuing with her social medias, though with its prevalence and the rise of other platforms, she hasn’t branched out as maybe she should have, though has her dedicated following still, they’re pleasantly patient with her slower content, given school and adulting. — still cosplays too, she’s been invited to a handful of events, her roster had to shrink as university expenses became priority, but she makes do. — has quite a few friends she met through the online space, and catches up with them in person as regularly as possible. — still stops by Hope au Lait to help when time affords, otherwise she’s a regular customer (though sometimes, she plays the part of both). — deep down, she remains incredibly troubled about what brought the subversions into this city; she feels sorrow for Chaldea and what they’ve endured, though finds herself unable to truly accept where she is now, given the events preceding it. — the experience made her all the more conscious about valuing what she has and notably more assertive with letting those around her know they’re appreciated. — now and then, she has vague nightmares about the lostbelts, feeding into her uncertainty about the city as it is now.

curious to hear your thoughts bc i think they're sharp, as a person still figuring out fandom. what do you think of the moral okayness of thorki (the ship)? they're brothers, but gods.... godly incest? at what point does "ship what you want" stop applying?

It’s not so much about where it stops applying. Understand that I actually never have said what people should or shouldn’t read- only that what a person chooses to focus on in general (and therefore including what you write, watch, or read) is indicative of something and in many cases of certain taboo* or violent material my heavy suggestion is that that something is ultimately meaningful.

It’s not ‘just’ fiction.

So like, me personally? I often don’t actually care what someone is into (with some logical exceptions), I care whether or not they’re aware of why, because often people would rather not inspect the why so they can keep enjoying problematic media (and also my actual Big Thing is I don’t approve of situations where someone engages in activity they are not fully aware of, because to me if you aren’t aware of the consequences or origins of your actions, you haven’t fully consented to what you’re doing and that makes me sad. Example: Do you smoke cigarettes? Fine! It’s your body; as long as you aren’t exposing non-smokers to second hand smoke, no one should have shit to say. But if you start smoking bc you believe that cigarettes aren’t actually bad for you and there’s no downsides, you haven’t fully consented and now I wish you either a) inspected your motives and actions or b) stopped).

Overall I suspect that many of the most vociferous defenders of ‘fiction is just fiction!’ are people whose interests often veer into what we often call taboo (I think that word is so ineffective) who don’t want to ask themselves why. My other general rule is that people are most doggedly defensive about what they get off to. There’s also the issue of people having already brought to question their fictive interests and instead of wanting to find out the answer, deciding There’s Nothing To See Here, Fiction Is Just Fiction! Or, on the cusp of identifying a maladaptive interest and feeling as if that’s an action of self-judgment, they identify with their fictive interest because to them judging it means judging themselves.

Ideally neither is necessary. You can just understand that you got into something at a previous time but you’ve grown past it, learned from it, and can walk away from it without shame. After all, it’s ideally just your business. All I’m saying is that you know what the fuck your business is, pardon my french, because people who don’t know themselves are….well, it’s an issue.So to answer your question, here’s another question: If Thor and Loki were not brothers, would you care as much? Imagine a situation in which Thor and Loki are not related, but still share a lusty rivalry. Is something missing? What is it? What about them being gods absolves, in your mind, the impact of their siblinghood?Often, something like sibling incest (which to me is, honestly, not my bag but obviously way less awful than parent/child due to a whole slew of issues with imbalance there) is exciting to people simply because either a) the incest is the barrier to love and in general barriers to love make ‘good’ stories because two people overcoming the bounds of a romantic limitation is a more moving story than two people who can love freely (bc we love suffering and strife! it seasons things, I guess lol) and the incest is just an easy yet huge barrier b) because we have a hard time working through something without sexualizing it and who could write or would want to read about two brothers’ having a heartfelt love/hate brotherhood? Very few people, apparently, because that’s not a valued interaction. Thus, add some fucking into the story and Thor and Loki can work out their antagonistic feelings without getting to the bottom of them because we imagine sex is an equalizer and a balm (it’s not, but I understand the idea has a huge place in erotic fiction and absolutely use it myself when I write for fun).That speaks, to me, of an issue (and I’m going to be specific here) with not really having the language or familiarity with the social concept of brotherly love to make a story about it and its struggles interesting. We don’t have the language and thus cannot conceive of brother/brother reconciliation without sex. And this again speaks of a larger issue our society has with sex and the huge void of emotionality between strangers and lovers (friendships, loyalty. non-sexual bonding? What’s that?). We cannot conceive of a way to intensify, for the sake of adult (in age, not nature) entertainment, something like siblinghood without using sex.

It’s just cheap writing.

On the other hand, the very real ramifications of this easy-route conflict writing is that it sexualizes and normalizes sibling incest (or other things in the case of other stories) and I think it’s incredibly callous to want to ignore the voices of SA victims in this regard. People like to retort that ‘well YOU might not be able to tell fiction from reality, but I can’ but here’s the thing: Your subconscious mind can’t. If your brain wholly knew that the fiction you were reading was Not-Reality the information would be irrelevant and would fail to produce an emotional response. The reason we are excited, aroused, sad, scared, angry, tense, etc during movies and books is because while we are focused on them our mind is interpreting the happenings as actual happenings. To the extent (!) that media ‘pulls you in’, your  subconscious believes it, validates it, and signals responses accordingly. That’s why it’s entertaining.

I say this because something many fans of certain content don’t want to face is that the consumption and support of, and proximity to certain types of violent or taboo content starts to lessen your reaction to them. I’m not speaking as an outsider, here, and so I caution you and anyone else to second-guess the awareness of anyone who says ‘there’s no way that’s true!’. What you repeatedly experience becomes normal for you. This doesn’t apply as heavily with Thorki or similar ships bc of the conceptual complexity (it’s pretty far-removed) but there are certainly fetishes/ships  where repeated exposure lessens your reaction to that concept in general. As if that doesn’t seem to be problem enough, since this is an issue of entertainment, this also means that a person seeks more of the content. After all, what fic fan reads just one story about their scandalous OTP? You need more, or more extreme versions. And I’m not talking out of my ass here- people for some reason love incest- it’s one of the top-searched terms on any adult media site for general consumption. On sites that it’s not, that’s only because the term itself is blacklisted and users use some other coded term. In the absence of pearl-clutching, we must recognize that smutty fiction and tube sites’ activities are largely the same. b/b m/s and f/d incest continue to draw attention and I honestly don’t know why. 

And this is why I pay no mind to people who say that fiction has no effect on reality. Even if it didn’t, it arises from our reality. The real minds of real writers in the real world. And I’ve seen the results. I work with sex and fetishes- it’s my job. I know what people as a whole are into and I’m begging y’all: UNPACK THIS BAGGAGE. Soooo many fetishes are just maladaptive coping mechanisms, so talk of ‘fiction being just fiction’ are literally bullshit. Fetish, and the relative psychology of it, is my job, to the point that it’s also what I have to navigate to try and ensure my safety (by avoiding volatile fetishists) and income (my first job, for instance, was a porn artist, and by now I’m an adult content producer and prodomme). And again, many fetishes are the back end of intense or subconsciously formative moments in our lives. The attraction is not ‘the thing’, it is a thread us leading back to that moment, to learn from our experiences, to resolve past issues with the wiser perspective of our older selves.Again, there’s not much going on in terms of Thor/Loki here but on a wider scale there is. Often in fandom, for instance, it’s not really about the ship so much as the fetish. It’s disguised in the language of fandom, but people who have a bunch of incest ships are incest fetishists, full stop. There’s no difference in motive between them and the ~gross pervert guys~ reblogging porn gifs and adding incest prose to them. If geeks could more often find porn gifs that looked like their taboo OTP rest assured they’d do the same damn thing, most of them. Ficlovers like to act like their position is somehow more morally acceptable because there are no ‘real’ people involved like in porn, but whether or not a physical body is used to represent the characters/roles is a pedantic and nebulous distinction at best. Your interest is still your interest. And people are going to hate this, but it sounds so much like pedophiles on 4chan  who say that their ‘fetish’ is okay because the characters aren’t real. Furries into cubs (not the gay dude kind but the baby animal kind) feel justified the same way because the figures are fantasy creatures. But they’re still expressly coded as the infantile versions of adult characters, and again, the motive is the same. I’m not saying ALL of these things are one to one, I’m saying it’s a similar logic: “This is a fantasy and as such it says nothing about me. It would only matter if I physically did it.” Which is dishonest and illogical bc one’s fantasies  and interests arise out of their own minds. Porn consumption is a night map of the human social psyche. It’s not ‘nothing’.

Sure, most of those people would probably never touch a child, but that’s because the real world provides consequences the fantasy world doesn’t- not because they’re not interested. I know bc I’ve seen them say that themselves, many times. I was a 4chan teen. What was normal there would make a well-adjusted person puke. But I was maladaptive, impressionable and young at the time and it became normal for me. So many forms of incest, rape, pedophilia, bestiality etc became normal in the ‘shock makes things acceptable’ speed-posting culture of neverending offensiveness there. And that’s not just a 4chan thing. It’s a group anonymity thing. Any imageboard vet can tell you that. When you’re in the anonymous group, what the group does is what you do, and you go along with it, continuously being desensitized until you suddenly go WTF or…keep going. And having seen these arguments before, I’m wary of those who go to battle on the idea of all erotic fiction being totally beyond judgement, because often what is going on is that people whose interests should be judged, at the very least by themselves, argue against that so that there are other people who feel the same way who don’t realize they’ve been manipulated to cloak the offenders in their community.

But I digress.

Since my feelings on Killmonger fans* started this, I’ll offer an example of my own: I think AoU Ultron is hot. But I don’t actually want to fuck him. I wouldn’t be interested in any ‘reader x Ultron’ narratives. Why? Because despite my love for and identification with  many villains (usually bc of their victim’s rage and queer coding which always leaves them far cooler and better dressed than the hero) and my love for robots, I can’t ignore that Ultron is a heartless, people-hating, death-machine. He has no interest in love, doesn’t care about anyone, and if he bothered to fuck a person (I fucking doubt it) he’d gladly fuck them apart. And since I love myself, I don’t find that appealing. If I found the idea of being fucked to death by a robot arousing, that says something about how I feel about my existence. I know bc I am strangely fascinated by the idea of armageddon (another reason Ultron appealed to me). Spoilers: it’s just easier to feel like you want the whole world to end when you’re so certain there’s no other solution and you yourself are afraid of the emotional responsibility of weathering the world and social interactions. When you love yourself and other people, the idea of seeing the world burn stops being so entrancing. So sure it’s an enthralling literary concept. Is it something I dedicate my blog to or obsess over?

No.

Other things I’ve examined- my love for robots. Do I find myself attracted to robots because they are humanoids you can objectify free of moral conflict? No, and that sucks for me bc that’s why most people like them and that affects the kind of adult media made about them (can you tell im bitter), it’s because I find humanoid robots to be something I can identify with, I see them as symbolically human, and relating to them is, to me, acknowledging that a human is also a construct with both programming and a will of its own it uses to explore and often fight that programming. My attraction to the concept of an automaton stems from my early realization that my own body is but a fantastic collection of parts, electric signals, programmed genetic data, pulleys and fuel. Amazing! Now that I know that, have I stopped consuming robot fetish media? Well yes but only because I can’t find any I like…but in general, no. I’m not ashamed of my attraction, I’ve unpacked it, faced it, and go on about  my life. It actually did lessen the obsession, though.

So, to stay on point, sibling incest as a concept is IMO not ‘wrong’ to write/read about objectively but it is questionable to perpetuate, romanticize, fawn over, collect, celebrate, etc.  Most problematic to me is the issue of how these ships are identified. Generally any time there are 2 handsome brothers in a piece of media, some not-small-enough contingency of the fandom assumes they’re fucking, and sees all forms of affection or antagonism between them as evidence of their lust.

What does this say about your ability to recognize sibling love? What does it say about the social value (or lack thereof) of the same? When ‘all feelings lead to sex’ is the overarching theme of our entire society, I can’t really say I am uncritical of concepts like hatesex and incest being so intensely attractive to people over, say, romantic love between two people who are not related by blood. A bit of a tangent but similarly while I get the chemistry appeal, the fact that ‘hatesex’ as a concept (two people who often express aggression, hatred, intolerance etc of each other being interpreted as actually masking feelings of attraction) is so popular is ripe for questioning. How far removed is it from “He picks on you  because he likes you” and other maladaptive forms of “loving someone means hurting them…a lot” which are real actual problems people suffer for right now?

Plus, it begins to suggest as I said before that all forms of affection/relationship end in sex. Even if sex never happens, sex must logically be the apex of love if two characters who have any kind of affection, even if that affection is also seen in the presence of aggression (!) or a moral barrier (family bond), are easily assumed to be sexually compatible to the extent that fandom perpetuates.

So back to your point, this is again not really an issue (as far as where I’m coming from) with what’s right and wrong. It’s an issue of people needing to take responsibility for themselves and being curious about their own issues and interests. I’m not advocating for censorship- I’m advocating for people to enlighten themselves about themselves in which case a lot of ‘taboo’ media would be produced in a lessened capacity.

I find it interesting that when I ask “Why are you into ____?” people don’t answer that question, or seem unwilling to, since their first reaction is to flip out and cry censorship. No one seems to notice that that’s not what I’m actually saying lol.

I don’t care what people do, if it’s not hurting someone. I care that people know why they do what they do. I am critical of things and of myself. I think people should just dare to be critical. It’s a great tool for self-healing that doesn’t involve perpetuating damage.*I dislike the term taboo because it and the moral judgment it applies is a nebulous term that is used far too broadly. Incestuous pedophiles soften their interest by calling it ‘taboo’, but interracial relationships are also classed as ‘taboo’, thereby suggesting that the term is as loose as ‘whatever many people think is wrong’, which is clearly far too transient and easily-influenced. Often, I find, it’s used as ‘something that is morally objectionable for reasons we’re not going to explore, we’re just going to lump all this shit together indiscriminately as taboo’.

*Again, I don’t care about people who mainly think MBJ is hot as Killmonger, that’s totally logical. I question people whose fantasies specifically extend to Killmonger THE CHARACTER being seen as sexually attractive **because** of/specifically on the grounds of his general character (i.e. radicalized, violent, murderous, apathetic) and what kind of person would fantasize about being subject to a man like that.

Skyline {III}

Warnings: Blood

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Word Count: 3.2k

A/N: You guys!!!!  I can’t believe you are all so nice honestly!!!!  I hit 500 followers today so as a thank you, here is pt. 3 a day earlier than expected!!  Forgive me if there are any mistakes, as I stayed up late to finish it (I have to be up in six hours for work oh lord) and I really hope you guys like it.  There most definitely will be a pt. 4, and possibly pt. 5, as this scene became longer than expected, and I decided to split it between two chapters.  Again, thank you so much, guys.  All my love.

{part I} {part II}

As the end of August neared, you began to fear the return of school.  Not because you hated it—in fact, you were fond of school.  You liked learning, you liked seeing your friends from certain classes, and you even missed some of your teachers. However, with the return of your school came the return of Spider-Man’s school.  He had explained to you how difficult it was to balance the responsibilities of his civilian life with the responsibilities of being a superhero. Between those tightropes of time management, you doubted there would be any hours allotted to visiting you.

You knew that you had no right to be sad about your predicament.  The right thing to do would be to not think selfishly, and just be happy with the time you were given with someone who doesn’t normally share their world. But, no matter how many times you had a talk with yourself, you still couldn’t bring yourself out of your melancholy thoughts.

It didn’t help that Spider-Man had already begun frequenting your fire escape less and less. Ever since the night he reached out to fix your hair, he hadn’t shown up for your midnight talks at all.  Granted, it had only been two weeks, and since there had been no strenuous fights or big explosions, you weren’t particularly worried. You were, however, particularly lonely. You missed him.  Sitting out on your fire escape alone was different than it had been before you had met the masked hero.  Before, you were content with just you and a book, some soft music in the background with city sounds around you.  Now, you felt isolated, and the quiet music and city sounds weren’t nearly loud enough to ease the loss of Spider-Man’s chatter.

Still, you tried to move on.  You played music louder, you talked out loud to yourself, you doodled the skyline more, you hung out with friends more often, and you filled your time with things that had made you happy before.  Today, for example, you were accompanying your friend Alex to the bank. While it was not the most exciting task in the world, it was the act of a responsible adult that wasn’t hung up on a superhero, and therefore something that needed to be accomplished.  Being a responsible adult also meant holding Alex back and not letting her attack the teller who needed to brush up on their customer service skills.

 “I’m sorry, miss, could you please explain to me what exactly the problem is, again?” The teller said in a monotone voice.  

Alex took a deep breath and calmly replied, “Whenever I use my debit card, it’s taking the money from my savings account, instead of my chequing account.  As you can imagine, that setup doesn’t work for me.”

“Are you sure you’re pressing ‘chequing’ on debit machines, and not savings?” The teller asked, not even looking up from his computer screen.

“Am I—” Alex took another breath. “Yes.  I am sure.”

“Are you? Because there is nothing showing up on your account that explains how your savings and chequing could be switched. Maybe you’re just mixing it up?” The teller still hadn’t looked up from his computer screen, which was a poor choice on his part; if he had, he would have seen the warning signs that a teenage girl was about to tear him apart.

“Listen, you ignoramus—”

“Oh, boy,” You sighed, gently grabbing your friends arm. “Alex—”

“—do you really think that I work a minimum wage job in retail to save up money for university, just so that my savings can slowly be drained without my knowledge?  Do you really think I would want that?  Do you?  Why would I take the time each month to split up my earnings into a savings account just so that I could spend them?”

You had to hand it to the bank teller—even with a venomous teen ready to rip out his throat, he managed to look unfazed.  You felt a little bad for him, but you guessed that’s just what working in customer service does to a guy.  Despite his nonchalance, everyone else in the bank from the mom in the corner with two kids to the man in the leather jacket by the door was staring at the scene you were unwillingly apart of.

“I’m very sorry, miss,” The teller sighed. “What would you like me to do to help you?”

“What would I—” Alex’s eyes widened, then narrowed dangerously. “I would like you to fix it, you—”

 You knew that Alex had quite the mouth on her, and you were ready to step in and cut her off. Before you could, however, someone else cut her off for you.  From behind you, a woman screamed, and you turned around to see the mother in the corner clutching her children closer to her as the man in the leather jacket pulled out a gun from his shoulder bag, which he dropped to the ground.  

The gun was unlike anything you had ever seen before.  It was definitely mechanical, but something about it didn’t look right.  It emitted a soft blue light, like there was something glowing, almost living, inside of it.  Something that wasn’t entirely human.

The man grabbed his bag and pulled out some sort of cube, which he stuck to the door.  You heard the sound of not only the front door’s mechanics locking, but also the windows around you.  Instinctively, you grabbed Alex’s hand and pulled her close to you, not even allowing the chance for her to be taken from you.

“Everyone, listen up!” The man yelled, lifting the gun into the air. “I have some business that I need to attend to, and a partner I need to do that business with.  The only way I can get him here is by causing a scene and taking hostages, so I need you all to sit down on the ground.” No one reacted for a moment, still shocked, and the man fired the gun into the air.  A blast of blue light emerged, piercing through the high bank ceiling.  Everyone screamed as rubble fell, and you instinctively covered your head. “Do you think I’m kidding? Ground!  Now!”

You and Alex did as he said, dropping to the ground as quick as you could.  There was no doubt in your mind that the person he wanted to show up was Spider-Man, but why?  Who would rob a bank and want the hero to show up?

“Who here has a phone with access to wifi?” The man looked around, pointing his gun at everyone in the bank. “Raise your hands!”

With shaking arms, both you and Alex raised your hands, along with a twenty-something man by the counter and a bank teller who was crouching beside a desk.

“Good.  Pull them out and send out a distress on social media.  Twitter, or whatever, I don’t care, just as long as people see it and know where I am.” The man walked around, watching everyone do as he said.  You could already hear the sirens get closer. “Make sure you say that I am armed, I have—” The man glanced around the room. “Hell, let’s round up—thirty hostages, and for every half hour that Spidey doesn’t show, I’m killing a civilian.”

You typed what he said, quickly pressing tweet and turning your phone off.  You wished you had Spider-Man’s number, or some way of getting into contact with him.  As much as you didn’t want him here, you didn’t doubt the armed man’s actions, and neither did anyone else.  The mother with two kids seemed to be choking back tears as she tried to keep her toddler and older child quiet.

Once everyone had finished, the armed man made everyone throw their phones into the center of the room, and then he went back to his bag and pulled out multiple metal cuffs. He tossed two to everyone in the room, instructing them to slip them on and tap them together.  You did as he said, and once the two bangles touched, they tightened around your wrists and locked together, leaving you handcuffed.

There was no doubt in your mind now that this was alien tech, and you wondered how this man had come into possession of this much machinery.  It was then that it hit you—this must have been the third weapons dealer from the Queensboro Bridge crash, the one whose body was never recovered.  All the pieces fell into place: why he wanted an audience, why he had all these weapons, why he demanded Spider-Man show up. He didn’t care about the bank or the money; he wanted a foolproof way to get the masked hero to come to him, so that he could get his revenge.  He wanted to kill Spider-Man.

Your pulse quickened and you began to sweat more than you already were.  You tried your best to shuffle over closer to Alex, who you could tell was also terrified.  She was blinking her eyes a lot and biting her lip, eyeing the big gun their captor was holding.  You reached over with your restrained hands and took her cuffed hands in yours, squeezing tight.

 Through the glass doors and windows, you could see a crowd gathered outside.  Police had put up barricades, there were numerous cars parked outside, with everyone screaming, crying, calling out for loved ones—literal chaos.  Inside, the mood wasn’t much better.  All the phones in the center of the room had been buzzing and ringing for the last fifteen minutes, and everyone was tense.  All eyes seemed to be on the clock above a desk to your right, which looked as if it was speeding up with every passing second.  It had been twenty-two minutes since the armed man had announced his plan of killing a hostage every half hour, and you wondered if he was as aware of it as you all were.  Presently, he was standing in the middle of the room, glancing around at everyone every few seconds, but mostly keeping a watch out for the masked hero.  It was clear that he didn’t think he would have to wait this long for Spider-Man to show up.

You didn’t think you would have to wait this long, either.  The Spider-Man you knew was always rushing into dangerous situations—much to your displeasure—and the one time you actually wanted him to run head on into an enemy’s grasp, he decided to take his sweet time? You didn’t want Spider-Man to get hurt, but you also knew that he was way better equipped to deal with this guy than anyone else in the room.  

You sized up your fellow hostages, wondering who your captor would grab.  Surely, he would leave the mother and her children.  You hoped to God he would leave the mother and her children.  And Alex. You couldn’t bear the thought of losing your friend, much less watching her be executed right in front of you.  With those four separated, you looked back at the remaining civilians, all twenty-four, not including you.  There was a couple in the corner that you hadn’t had a chance to look at before, two women holding hands like you and Alex. The taller one of the two moved her hands to her partner’s stomach, and, as she kissed her forehead, you realized the partner was pregnant.  You took them out of the equation.

Who else?  The twenty-something man who had used his phone to send out a distress call.  He was praying to himself in a corner.  A group of three teenagers, all crouched together by a chair, huddled together like there was safety in numbers.  Two businessmen leaning against the wall, each closing their eyes as if they could imagine they were somewhere else.  A woman sitting on her knees, fiddling with her engagement ring as much as her cuffs allowed her.  A gray-haired woman tugging on the cross around her neck as her husband leaned against her arm.  A teen boy in the corner, twisting his fingers together over and over.  Two girls in NYU sweatshirts, student loan brochures still clutched tightly in their hands.  Three women in pantsuits, their lunchtime coffees dropped onto the floor beside them.  The four bank tellers and their three branch managers, sitting in a group behind the counter, all with shiny, wet cheeks.  As you looked around the room, one of the tellers caught your eye, and you looked away with shame.

No one here deserved to die.  You felt your face flush and bile rise in your throat, disgusted that you had even entertained the thought that you could figure out who should be the first to go. Tears began filling your eyes, blurring your vision, and you squeezed your eyes shut, willing the tears to go away.

 “Damn,” The armed man sighed.  You opened your eyes to see him staring at the clock. “I really thought Spidey would show. Oh, well.  Guess he’s not so super after all.”

The armed man looked around at his hostages, taking stock. “Didn’t want it to come to this, really, but if I don’t go through with my promise, then I’ll never get him to show up. Apologies.”

He continued pacing the room, looking from face to face.  Finally, he stopped in front of you.  But it wasn’t you.

With a sigh, he grabbed Alex roughly by the arm and pulled her away from you.  You screamed loudly, and she yelled your name back to you, tears falling freely from the both of you.  Trying to save your friend, you grabbed at the man’s arm, but he hit you in the head with the gun.  Instantly, red hot pain flashed across the right side of your forehead, and you knew the skin had split open.

“Y/N!” Alex screamed, trying to crawl back to where you had fallen back to the ground.  But the man kept his hold on her.

“Please,” Alex pleaded with the armed man, but he showed no mercy.  He pushed her down into the center of the room and pointed the gun at her head.

You stared in horror, your head throbbing.  You could feel the blood running down the side of your face, and you tried to wipe it off with your hands. The room was spinning and you could barely focus on anything, but you tried to make eye contact with Alex.  It was the only thing you could do.

“Sorry, kid, I am,” The armed man shrugged. “Really thought Spidey would’ve shown up by now.”

 Suddenly, the sound of shattering glass filled the bank, and you felt shards of what you assumed was once a window raining down around you.  The hostages screamed, and you felt the thump of the ground as someone jumped through the hole.  Turning your head, you saw Spider-Man, the Spider-Man, your Spider-man, crouched on the ground to your left.  Looking up, you could see one of the skylights in the ceiling broken, the remnant of a web drifting in the breeze that blew through.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Spider-Man stood up. “Traffic was horrible, and the Bridge is still out of commission.”

The armed man growled and pushed Alex away.  She crawled over to your and you grabbed her with your cuffed hands, pulling her closer. Frantically, she untied the shirt knotted around her waist as best she could handcuffed, and shimmied it off, before grabbing it and pressing it to your head wound.

You felt so woozy, but you tried your best to keep your eyes open.  You couldn’t imagine actually watching Spider-Man fight the bad guy, but you couldn’t imagine not watching it, either.

The armed man shot first, but Spider-Man dodged his blast.  Instead, it hit the wall to your right, narrowly avoiding the group of bank employees.  A whole about three feet wide and four feet tall was left in result, and Spider-Man noticed.

“Everyone, out!” He shouted, continuing to dodge blasts from the gun.  He swung around, shooting webs at the armed man, trying to disable him. “Everybody—”

It was at that moment that the two of you made eye contact.  You, lying on the ground, struggling to stay conscious as Alex tried to stop your wound from bleeding.  

“Y/N?” You heard Spider-Man yell.  He stopped moving and stared at you uncomprehendingly, until he narrowly missed being hit by a blast from the armed man’s gun.  It hit the ceiling, and another blast hit the wall.  Rubble began to rain down on you.

The hostages began running for the hole in the wall, crawling out.  You tried to get up but it quickly became apparent that moving was impossible, as you felt more and more light headed with every passing second. Alex smoothed your hair.

“Y/N,” She whispered. “Y/N, I can’t carry you, I’m not strong enough.”

“Go,” You whispered back, weakly pushing her away. “Please, Alex, go.”

“I’m not leaving you!” Alex said determinedly, looking around for a way to get you off the ground.

There was none, and more rubble was falling from the ceiling as more blasts missed Spider-Man. It was becoming apparent that the building was on the verge of collapse.  Through the holes in the walls, you could see the crowds evacuating, ambulances and cop cars being the only vehicles around the area.

You heard a growl, and turned back to the fight around you.  Spider-Man had aimed a web over the barrel of the gun, succeeding in blocking it. With his borrowed time, he raced over to you and Alex.

“Go,” He told Alex, pointing towards the exit. “Go, I’ll get her.”

Alex nodded, moving quickly to the hole, glancing back at you as she did so.

Spider-Man scooped you up into his arms and ran you outside as fast as he could, leaving you at the first ambulance he found.

“I’m sorry,” He muttered the entire time he carried you. “I’m so sorry, Y/N, oh my god…”

As he laid you down on the gurney an EMT had waiting for you, you tried to grab his suit.

“Please don’t go back in there,” You pleaded, your eyes beginning to flutter shut.

“If I don’t, he’ll come out here,” Spider-Man turned back towards the building. “I have to go. I’m sorry.”

With those words as his goodbye, the masked hero ran back inside.  Less than ten seconds later, there was a scream, a blast of light, and the sound of more glass breaking.  You watched, helpless, as the building began to crumble.  Your EMT wheeled your gurney into the back of the ambulance, with the intent of getting everyone away from the crashing building as quick as possible.

Before the doors closed, before your eyes shut, the last thing you saw was a flash of red amidst the collapsing grey concrete.

{part IV}

Modifying the world normally takes heart.

The following three years as hentai games's unique launch, I have considered it nearly daily. Its luxurious style religiously captures its own spirit of rebellion and breathes life to its own dynamic combat system. The evocative, slamming soundtrack perfectly encapsulates the emotion of every minute. The down-time spent in Tokyo together with your pals delivers you nearer into each of these, and invigorating your fight for what's right. All those properties feed right into a bold story that unapologetically sets down its foot from the injustices that reflect our personal culture. Even the drawn-out version, hentai games, brings all around. But over and above a plethora of exceptional gameplay refinements and functions that strengthen an already-rich RPG comes a momentous fresh story arc hammered within the first narrative and paid down in full at the ending. It delivers some thing truly astonishing, resulting in awe-inspiring moments and emotional conclusions that recontextualize exactly what I believed that the game had been. Through its lengthy 120-hour runtime, hentai games reveals it self since the authoritative model of today's traditional. Even the instant you begin P5R, you're awarded the incredible media res debut that brightly showcases the trip you are in for--also provides a glimpse at the Royal-exclusive personality Kasumi. Next teaser, you are brought for the following beginning of the story that then walks you through the occasions that emphasized the flame in our protagonist (aka Joker) and kicked his travel since being a virtuous trickster. The opening hours may take some time to choose the speed back up, but by easing you in to the match's systems, you're setup for that remainder of its stream. P5R expertly intertwines the daily structure of living life being a high school student and a supernatural-powered vigilante battling bad in a different dimension. Because the social sim aspects and RPG dungeon crawling are stitched together effortlessly, you expand attached to the world you are battling to shift. It has a format that is that the series base since Persona 3, and it is at its most effective here in P5R having a scope of new and possibilities small UI components which will help convey your options. Vigilantly deciding how to spend your own precious days and nights by simply balancing faculty existence, customs, and also your own duties like a Phantom Thief through this calendar year also makes the mundane exciting. You'll spend time together with characters to learn about that which pushes them and witness their own growth since they internalize and over come their traumatic pasts. Among the relations will be kind-hearted adults tired by means of a system that has neglected adolescents and them chased by their own earlier and dreading their future. These are very human stories which often hit near home and also inspire inside their very own tiny way (although some are inherently awkward). Along with these connections along with your Confidants bestow powers you carry into conflict. P5R makes the Confidant process less difficult with fresh scenes, in the kind of calls, to help rank up them quicker, effortlessly granting the ability to determine more of these stories that are appealing. It truly is important because there really are a few new Confidants to bond with as effectively. The key new opportunities are with Goro Akechi, who is now somebody you opt to spend some time together with, which finally leads to a deeper understanding and advancement of this time approximately. Kasumi Yoshizawa was touted since the major addition to this roster; she fits in very well and you're going to realize her appetite to become a elite competitive gymnast originates in the darker, complicated location. Although her screen time is limited from the first 1 / 2 the match, she becomes vital to the delivery of this newest story beats and also a welcome ally to resist along side the rest of the gang you know and love. Most importantly, the school counselor Takuto Maruki, an enormous character who elevates P5R's story. He's an exceptional thematic fit, offering perspectives on emotional wellbeing that had not been touched at the original. His narrative was integrated into the heart story, also he's also key for unlocking what's beyond hentai games's authentic narrative and some of P5R's very best minutes. Associations are what drive you, however, also the hard-fought struggles happen within the Metaverse, a physical manifestation of tainted cognition. Demonic shadows lurk as you work to metaphysically conquer the distorted wants of those who've uttered your pals and several others--and also you do this using a hyper-stylized, certain swagger. With most Palaces comes with a brand new party member and story thread about what led them to combine the cause. These aren't solely tragic back-stories to the sake to be striking, however --it really is the best way to are to know their battling spirit till they turned into a beloved comrade. Accepting those story-critical Palaces never loses its allure, as their trippy, ingenious enemies and designs appeal you into the wild conflicts throughout. Sometimes, the first assumption of Palaces is subverted to great effect; some-times evildoers are not the only ones who need a change of heartdisease. It farther compels you to search that which goes ahead. Beyond plenty of excellent gameplay refinements and capabilities that enhance an already-rich RPG includes a brand new narrative arc seeded over the unique narrative and paid in full at the ending. Palaces comprise some tiny but bright variations in P5R, too. Re-arranged dungeon designs accommodate Joker's brand new grappling hook, so enabling you to swing into fresh locations. They often lead to Will Seeds, a collectible that divides SP and mildew to accessories that are useful. Returning players may even see that a few dungeon designs are compact, making exploration simpler. Mementos, the Metaverse's collection of procedurally generated floors, also has some much-needed overhauls. Driving about to advancement within those twisted subway depths because the Morgana bus was book, but grew insistent from the game. P5R yells in new mechanics like collecting flowers and stamps to money in for things that are useful and advantages to enhance battle rewards. And probably the most welcome change is the fact that, as an alternative of the exact same song throughout, new songs play at deeper degrees. Apart from jelqing browsing these surreal dungeons, you're going to be investing a huge amount of time participated in P5R's dynamic turn-based combat. It's fast and fashionable, and builds on the sturdy base of Shin Megami Tensei, that has you emphasizing exploiting elemental weaknesses and bringing extra turns. Typical enemies might also be fodder once their affinities are exposed, however rougher kinds, minibosses, and supervisors tap to battle intricacies. P5R levels more onto conflicts, like the ridiculous Showtime attacks which possess twoparty members associate to get a high-damage combo which initiates clutch situations. Even the powered-up Baton move mechanic is even more essential because it can certainly promote damage and replenish HP and SP. And supervisor battles finally have various stages that present new, ambitious troubles that require you to think more intelligently, analyzing your control of the combat method. The dripping swagger of it extends into the smooth and effective UI that helps keep combat up's speed that is fast. Everything unfolds such a quick and stylish manner that you can't help but fall in love to it along with the Phantom Thieves who pull all these flashy moves. Even in a second version of the match, implementing onscreen attacks and watching them unfold hasn't lost a single bit of its own charm. Never has a turn-based overcome system been this thrilling. hentai games is many things: some selection of little motivational tales, an ambitious harrowing travel with some good buddies, a stunning visual and auditory experience, a resounding call to action. However, P5R isn't here to just look rather much. Beneath the mask of its own unrelenting style and enchanting silliness are the friendships you naturally form and motivate one to stick to the struggle through to the first conclusion. From their persona awakenings to this minute you view them completely comprehend their objectives, your fellow Phantom Thieves become your trip die in this heavy-hitting narrative. In concentrating on perpetrators of sexual attack, employee misuse, and filthy authoritarianism,'' hentai games brings a very clear line from the sand--people like this have no place in our society and deserve no winner. There is no middle ground, no compromise to be made, so no more both sides-ism. Your crew's individual drama sometimes seeps to the wider message, however maybe not without demonstrating why you're battling so tricky to shift matters. Even if uncertainty about their vigilante ways begins to creep into characters work , stay glued for their beliefs, also realize there was not a choice in the situation.

Ironically, P5R is often subtle like a brick. It is simple to nitpick where its writing falls right into being overly simplistic or perhaps a bit rote--although it has improved in several instances it may still be crude sometimes. It's not especially pithy in its storytelling, however it does not need to function as. In currently being evident as day in its own narrative, the messages along with characterizations are unmistakable. It's also so wild to me that the match's almost-caricature villains have been significantly less and less far-fetched in only the three years since the initial launch --that the blatant abuse of power, their wrong doings set bare, and the masses shrouded in seeing them face consequences. In end to this original narrative arc simply hits differently now, and the game's dramatic battles have become increasingly more laborious. Transitioning into the Royal-exclusive third semester, there's a tonal change that's effortlessly executed. Stranger things start to take place, at a strangely unsettling manner, especially throughout the seemingly relaxing winter. Here, P5R takes a twist toward genuine moral quandaries. Within this semester, there is somewhat longer to learn about your buddies, and there is one last Palace to infiltrate. And it can be, without a doubtthe very best one in the entire game. These brand new events have been attractively captured with brand new Royal-exclusive songs that amplify what was already an iconic, yet genre-bending sound-track. The puzzles in will shock you, and intriguing revelations about personalities propel them nicely beyond that they introduced themselves to really be. The pace at which it has educated and by what method the set of events have been framed paint hentai games in a new, attractive light while keeping true to the original spirit. This new narrative arc achieves a grand sense of scale and finality, nonetheless captures a more intimate, private tone. And it all builds as much as what is also the greatest boss combat all the game, pushing your battle abilities with their limits. P5R efficiently simplifies among the initial shortcomings: its somewhat surprising ending. From the vanilla version, even after around 100 hours, it felt like there is still a lost slice; P5R has that missing bit. There is 15 to 20 hrs worth of excellent content that accepts hentai games at an alternative way while moving all on its very best traits. It supplies a stunning, stunning finish despite the initial bombastic, over-the-top finish. These brand new events have been beautifully captured with brand new Royal-exclusive tunes that shorten the thing that was already an iconic, genre-bending sound track. Without exception I realized"living Will transform" and"Rivers From The Universe" as perfect examples of the way hentai games works by using its own songs to portray precise thoughts of the moment--tunes which exude the infectious optimism of this Phantom Thieves going in to have a corrupt heart. In the instance with our old favorites, then the new evocative jams eventually become a potent story device. "I Think" stands as a bold recollection of the lengthy, hard fought travel that dissipates into one last conflict, while"Throw Away Your Mask" carries the sign of jealousy between a clash of ideals. The brand new Tower's theme includes a wistfulness that illuminates the situations that unfold. Songs is inseparable from the Persona experience--that the show thrives for this --and somehow, some way P5R produces again to produce an even more profound affect. Thus, just like in the initial, the track"Sun Set Bridge" brought my moment together with P5R to some closefriend. This is a bittersweet tune which is used across the game to signify an instant of significance of its characters. But since the final background track before having to abandon the sport supporting, it became my own personal instant of emotion, understanding how much I've treasured my time , and now for all-new explanations. Since P5R comes to an in depth, it tries to facilitate you to the end together with heartfelt scenes, some fresh and a few recognizable. But in doing this, it simply makes it more difficult to say goodbye again. hentai games is many things: a selection of little inspirational stories, an ambitious harrowing journey with a few decent friends, a magnificent visual and auditory experience, a resounding call to actions. By optimizing exactly what was already great and building on its best qualities with a dazzling new narrative arc, hentai games asserts as a memorable and empowering RPG which should be named one among the greatest matches of our time.

How To Prevent Dog Bites

#Poop4U

The post How To Prevent Dog Bites by Victoria Stilwell appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren't considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

The act of aggressing is often reinforced by positive consequences for the aggressor because the threat frequently moves away and leaves the aggressor alone. Threat displays range from a subtle lip lift to a full bite, and while aggressive behavior is important for survival, it is an extremely worrying behavior for dog lovers to live with.

If your dog has bitten a person or another dog, it is vital that you find what caused the bite and control future situations so your dog is never in a position where he can bite again. Whether your dog has bitten once or has a multiple bite history, your No. 1 priority is to keep your dog comfortable, and other people and animals safe by managing your dog’s environment at all times.

Management means that your dog is safely contained behind a door, baby gate or crate when visitors come over or that he is never let off the leash when walking outside. These simple safety steps will help until you find a certified positive trainer to work with you and your dog to minimize the chance of a bite happening again. Some of the best positive trainers can be found at positively.com/trainers, or you can take your dog to a board- certified veterinary behaviorist.

Stress leads to biting

Stress has a profound influence on aggressive behavior and a significant impact on even the calmest of dogs. While some dogs might shut down when they feel threatened, others will express their discomfort by showing fear-based aggression, which is why many bites happen. Dogs might look like they’re being “nasty” when they aggress, but a bite always serves some kind of important function for the dog at that time. Physically punishing a biting dog or using old school confrontational methods or equipment to “fix” aggressive behavior rarely leads to positive results, and in many cases increases the dog’s stress levels and insecurity, which leads to more bites in the future.

Stopping the bite

So how can you stop aggressive behavior? Positive training techniques and methods are very effective in helping dogs cope with domestic life. Once you understand why the behavior is happening, your trainer will create a management plan for safety and a behavior modification plan designed to increase your dog’s confidence and guide him into making better choices. These protocols are much more effective than punishment-based training, both for short- and long-term success, because they give dogs coping skills in different situations and environments, promoting emotional stability.

Preventing bites in the first place

One of the most important ways to prevent your dog from biting is to ensure he has a good canine education as well as a positive social foundation. I teach all my puppy clients to accept “rude” human greeting behavior, because it is virtually impossible to prevent people from invading their personal space to say hello. We are a dog-loving nation and are naturally drawn to touch these incredible animals even when we know we shouldn’t. Children are particularly vulnerable to being bitten and often imitate the behavior of their parents, caregivers and guardians.

Dog bite prevention therefore puts the focus on human education. Every child and adult needs to know what body language to look for, how to greet a new dog appropriately and some important points to remember:

Avoid kissing a dog on the nose

Watch out for signals that a dog is uncomfortable such as avoidance, lip licking and yawning

Do not hug a strange dog or a dog that you do not know very well

Do not reach out to touch a dog uninvited

And, if you are told it is OK to pet a dog, allow him to come into your personal space rather than invading his. Building a general awareness helps keep everyone safe and comfortable.

High or low threshold

Most dogs can be helped with a behavior modification plan, but if your dog has a long bite history and a very low threshold for aggressive response, or if bite incidents have become more severe and frequent, a positive outcome might be harder to achieve. If the aggressive behavior cannot be successfully redirected or has become more unpredictable and is occurring in many different environments or situations, there is less likelihood of success.

If bite injuries have caused slight bruising or minimal wounds, the behavior has only recently begun and your dog has a higher stress threshold, which makes an aggressive response more predictable, manageable and avoidable, the prognosis is much better.

Make sure that your dog has a full medical checkup to ensure that aggressive behavior is not linked to pain or some other medical problem. Teaching your dog appropriate life skills and allowing your dog positive social experiences will help build his confidence and emotional stability.

Every dog’s well-being should be taken into account, especially when out in public. Every handler needs to be aware of and advocate for their dog’s unique needs. This will not only help prevent dog bites but will also help guardians successfully manage their dog’s future if a bite has already occurred.

Using a muzzle

Muzzles are vital safety tools. However, they can also cause untold amounts of stress for dogs that are not used to wearing them. The sudden restriction of facial movement and confinement of the mouth can cause panic in the calmest of dogs, as their primary method of defense is taken away. Not only that, certain muzzles can restrict breathing, making it hard for dogs to breathe normally and to cool themselves down.

Teaching any dog to wear a muzzle should be a slow, careful process, as it is especially important to do things right, particularly with dogs who are nervous or do not like being handled around the mouth or face. Don’t make the common mistake of only putting the muzzle on when your dog is in a situation or environment that makes him uncomfortable — in the presence of strangers or when there are loud noises, for example. The key to successful acclimation is to pair the muzzle with good things and fun experiences, rather than the muzzle becoming a predictor of “bad” or “scary” experiences. Once that is done, the muzzle can be worn when needed.

Thumbnail: ©alexei_tm | Getty Images

About the author:

Victoria Stilwell, dog trainer, TV personality, author and public speaker, is best known as the star of the TV series It’s Me or the Dog, through which she reaches audiences in more than 100 countries. Appearing frequently in the media, she’s widely recognized as a leader in the field of animal behavior, is editor-in-chief of positively.com, CEO of the VSPDT network of licensed trainers and the founder of the Victoria Stilwell Academy for Dog Training & Behavior — the leader in dog trainer education. Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter at @victorias.

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Poop4U Blog via www.Poop4U.com Victoria Stilwell, Khareem Sudlow

How do I write an autistic villain without demonizing autism by accident? ;-;

I’m not really sure why you’re messaging this to me. I’m really sorry but I’m not an expert on like.. political stuff about autism stereotyping, just because I’m autistic. And it depends on which country you live in, I know that america has a far more visible sort of cultural presence for stereotypes, due to the whole Autism $peaks controversies. I dont live in america and I’m not super smart or anything, so yeah this is a disclaimer that this is just my opinion and you should probably research answers given by other people too. And maybe ask people about the specific circumstances of what you’re writing, like the context of the setting of the story and what the villain is like, etc. I’d be happy to chat to you about that if you need help! (but again, im no expert, lol)

ANYWAY!

My opinion on the subject is that having an autistic villain is perfectly fine, as long as you’re not villainizing autism. Like...* Don’t make the autism the reason theyre a villain.* Don’t make people scared of them because of the autism, rather than because they’re a villain.* Don’t treat their autistic traits as scary or inherantly villainous.* Don’t make anyone insult them for their autism and act like its justified because they’re evil.

And similarly its bad form to do any of that stuff in regard to any sort of minority really. An example that always bugged me is how Excellus from Fire Emblem Awakening is scary and evil because he’s a murderous monster, yet everyone in the game constantly insults him for the fact he acts ambiguously gay/transgender/effeminate. Like, there’s way too many jokes about people finding him ‘disgusting’ because of some random thing he can’t change, like a sexuality, race or mental illness which plenty of non-evil people have too! It also lessens his impact as a villain because the characters barely even address the actual villainous things he does, and he doesnt seem to have any motive at all. They just ride on the whole ‘the audience will find him gross’ thing as a crutch and forgot to bother writing a good villain.

Oh, and your concerns are indeed valid, yo! Sometimes it is important to think about the context you created a character in, even if you didnt intentionally create any negative messages within your writing.It’s just that the case where a character will be seen as villainizing [minority trait] for being a villain... that’s kind of only in a very specific circumstance? its just that this specific circumstance is very very common in mass media nowadays.It’s ‘The Smurfette Principle’.If you only have one character of a minority in your cast, its easy for an uninformed audience to pick up messages that you’re saying ALL members of that minority are the same as them.If you only have one autistic character and he’s the villain, then you might accidentally be villainizing him. In a world where autistic characters being villainized for their autism is already very common, people could just assume you made them autistic for the same reason all those other writers did- because they think it’s ‘scary’. It feeds the stereotype even if you didn’t conciously intend it that way.

So a very very easy way to fix this problem is just to add multiple characters of a minority into your story, filling various roles from villain to hero to helpful npc. or anything you can think of!

Another good quick fix is to have your villain be autistic, but portray their autistic traits as sympathetic/relateable/a humanizing aspect of them. Not just portraying it as something neutral that doesnt make them scary, but going out of your way to add some scenes showing how they’re just like anybody else. Or even making it one of their redeeming traits!It doesn’t have to outright be something like ‘yo being autistic makes me inherantly good and childlike’, which is a stereotype all to itself, lol. But you could show them experiencing predjudice from another character, in a way that makes the audience sympathise. Honestly having a character attack them for being autistic instead of being a villain would be a good way to do this, as long as that character is actually shown as being wrong for what they’re doing. Or simply showing the villain having common autistic traits, facing common problems, doing common everyday things... that can be enough to portray autism positively. Have them shown doing this stuff outside of the situation of them being villainous. It makes them feel more human and less of an abstract symbol of evil. And because these small glimpses of normality are lightening the mood, they become seen as a positive aspect!

KIND OF AN OFFTOPIC TANGEANT SORRYJust my personal experience as an autistic kid experiencing this story... I personally headcanoned Cyrus from pokemon as autistic. Not because he’s ‘scary and emotionless’, but because his backstory was relateable to me as an autistic person. It’s said that his parents were emotionally abusive, and that he had nobody to turn to because everyone thought he was ‘a creepy kid’. And he was able to find solace by obsessing over repairing machines in his bedroom, and apparantly has trouble understanding people because they can’t be fixed as easily. Stuff like maths and science are kind of a stereotypical Special Interest for autistic children to be given in fiction, I guess because it makes you seem more intelligent when you obsess about that instead of video games, norse mythology, or collecting tiny novelty spoons from around the world XD (Yeah i was a weird kid.)So yeah sorry I went a little offtopic there, but the point is that it might have been by accident instead of intention but that villain has a lot of traits that read as autistic. And when i first played Diamond and Pearl I actually disliked him a lot because of that, I felt like they were villainizing someone who seemed relateable and potentially redeemable. I mean, he seemed pretty depressed too! Give that man some therapy! But when I played Platinum and got to learn his backstory I started to feel like the writers actually did want us to feel sympathetic to him, because of how all those ‘scary’ traits were presented so sympathetically. Like.. the backstory isn’t that he became evil because he was an autistic kid who did creepy things like obsess about machinery and suck at social contact. No, he became a villain because he was abused by his parents, him being ‘weird’ is just intended to make it clear here that he didnt deserve it. It makes him pitiable, it makes him relateable, it makes you feel so much more frustrated that nobody listened to him and saved him from that hell, and nobody even seems to remember him fondly, just because he was ‘weird’. And hell, even his ‘emotion is evil’ philosophy seems very relateable to me as an autistic child. It seems like he learned to seclude himself to avoid angering his parents. That’s the impression I got from his final scene in Platinum, where he finally acts angry at you for beating him, then gets angry at himself for expressing emotion and forces himself to go back to how he usually talks. I get a bit pissed off whenever I see fans of the series claim he actually IS emotionless, lol! This scene made it clear to me that this is just a guy who WISHES he was emotionless, somehow seeing it as the only way to be free of pain. Someone who struggles to deal with his own emotions, or feels like he’s disgusting when he expresses them. And this is VERY relateable specifically to an autistic kid who suffered from an abusive parent! “Quiet Hands” is a kind of common concept that autistic kids might experience, that’s the name for a popular ‘parenting technique’ that really fucks people up. Focusing on making your kid never ‘act autistic’, rather than actually helping them understand things. ‘Quiet Hands’ is specifically about slapping or smacking your kid whenever they show stimming behaviour. (Hand flapping being a common way this symptom can manifest.) We’re taught never to be too loud, and to always always have to restrain ourselves to avoid embarassing our parents. We have to try and learn how to act like ‘normal people’ and become scared of harmless parts of our own brain just because theyre ‘embarassing’, leading to even worse emotional problems as an adult. i mean seriously how is it logical to tell a kid who has troubles with social interaction that they shouldnt even practise it?? Plus its a huge mess to teach these kids to do way more emotional labour than neurotypical kids are expected to do, and then treat them like they’re below average intelligence for not being able to do twice as much as everyone else...

ANYWAY! That’s a thinG! Sorry I went rambling off there about how a particular fictional character touched my heart, lol!I just kinda wish he could be canonically autistic, or if I had similar canonically autistic characters to relate to, instead. So i think having more autistic villains can’t be bad, we’re so badly in need of more autistic characters in general! And villains have a unique perspective of being able to hit our emotions the hardest. I think its easier to cry over someone who has a sad backstory of how they became evil, compared to anything else!So yeah what I was trying to say before I went offtopic is that if the backstory is ‘became evil because autism’, then people will complain. But if the backstory is ‘became evil because someone mistreated them because autism’ then that’s a good way to make people sympathise with autism. Aaaaand I’m bad at explaining this, because autism XD Well, i mean, my personal symptoms and lack of diagnosis til I was an adult means that I’m still working on learning how to communicate correctly, I don’t mean every autistic person writes terrible tl;dr advice posts that degrade into pokemon XDOh man i feel embarassed now, you asked me such a polite question and I didnt know how to answer it very well...I just hope maybe I inspired you to go out and do more research, rather than putting you off with my nonsense!

Phil the Fixer and Sally the Saboteur

This is the all too classic story of Phil the Fixer and Sally the Saboteur.  This couple also has a pretty similar story to the classic Disney movie “Cinderella” without the fairy tale ending of course.  (Like we need to be reminded that life isn’t a fairy tale right?)  I decided to pair these two because they often times find each other in the game of love as they are one in the same person with different reactions to similar experiences in life.  Prince Charming and Phil are similar in the sense that they are both fixers.  He hunted, fought and bribed his way to find Cinderella and even when he found her and saw her for who she really was (a peasant) he still wanted to “save” her from not only herself but also save her from the endless amounts of self pity and the inability to get herself out of her situational hell she was living in.  Cinderella and Sally are similar in the sense that Cinderella is a runner.  Yes Cinderella has the deadline of midnight, but why never tell him her name?  Why make it near impossible for him to find her?  Why run?  Why does she have to make her perfect man work so hard for her.  The biggest difference between these two stories is at the end of this fairy tale, she runs him into the ground, crushes his spirit and leaves him feeling empty and alone. 

First I think we should identify if you, yourself happen to fall into one of these categories. 

Lets start with the Fixer.  I feel like you boys know if you’re the typical fixer as you normally end up in relationships where the woman is a massive train wreck and you stay far too fucking long.  She seems normal but once comfortable you are introduced to the exorcist like, spinning head and soon you will meet her alternate personality.  For fun you might call her Bridgett, however I recommend not telling her that you have come up with a name for this fun second personality as you have just now had the pleasure of meeting and lucky for you, it’s been just long enough for you to become completely emotionally attached. 

Knowing where the typical fixer started is key to knowing if you have landed yourself this dime piece of a man, because his childhood has a lot to do with his fixing tendencies.  Most fixers learned to fix early on in life.  They usually carried the huge responsibility within their family such as taking care of the younger siblings and sometimes taking care of their parents.  Really anytime a child is forced to almost switch spots with a parent and do things kids don’t normally do, they are at risk for becoming the typical fixer.  When becoming an adult after taking on such responsibility as a child they are left feeling a bit empty when being faced with the reality that there is no one left to be fixed. The younger siblings have left home to take care of themselves and become adults, and at this point hopefully the parents have realized the error of their ways as well or the fixer has left home and is not forced to watch their destructive ways any longer on a daily basis as they use to.  They are left only responsible for themselves.  They make it a mission subconsciously to find someone in need.  Let me make this clear, I don’t think they intend to find crazy train wreck type women I think they are drawn to these women and then feel like they can help and are turned on by the challenge this girl presents.  The one thing this type definitely won’t do is be turned off by your issues and abandon you.  They are born fighters, and will undoubtedly work hard for your love.  We will get to where the fixer goes wrong later.  Now lets move onto identifying the Sally the Saboteur.  

You can tell who Sally is almost immediately because while easy and almost eager to commit to all the wrong guys, when faced with someone who might actually be good for her and nurture her the way she needs, she becomes engulfed with the fear of reality that suggests if she were really truly happy in a relationship she could have that snatched away just as fast as it was given to her.  So instead she goes for men she knows it could never possibly work long term with because she is already prepared for the heart break that is patiently waiting behind that stop sign up ahead.  Men are drawn to Sally because she is extraverted, and can make friends with just about everyone. She straddles lines, finds the boundaries and makes sure she touches just about every button she can with a man.  

Typically just like the fixer she has a child hood that is probably to thank for these ways.  She was most likely abandoned by one parent or both.  She might have daddy issues or just plain issues with men she developed after a bad relationship or ten.  Sally might also possess a parent who seems disappointed with her no matter how much she accomplishes. Again it all results back to feeling alone, and abandoned by someone who was put on this earth to love and care for you no matter what you did or accomplished in life.  This type is famous for being one of the most caring individuals you will ever have the fine pleasure of meeting if you were the wrong man for her and if you were the right man you probably witnessed her running as fast as she could from you almost cursing the fact she decided to wear heels that day because running shoes would have been ten times faster and less painful.  It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care for you.  In fact, it’s quite the opposite.  She cares for you so much that she worries that she will hurt you, or vice versa you will hurt her.  So instead she takes the cowards way out and runs away. 

I haven’t quite divulged into why or how I gained knowledge or insight into these two particular types.  I have had moments in my life that I am not proud of.  Moments that taught me what not to do, and what living and being a good person doesn’t look like. One particular moment that I replay most in my mind when thinking of these type of mistakes I have made is the moment I became Sally the Saboteur and Phil the Fixer was a man I called my best friend and someone I massively cared for.  I am not too proud to say I messed up, and big.  Not only did I lose a potential good, caring, nurturing and most certainly loving boyfriend.  But I lost a friend.  We as humans have to always keep in mind that to every thing we do in life has consequences.  This was mine, and only mine to pay.  

I was just coming down from the Angler, hurt and confused.  I had shut out my friends during the duration of the relationship and had barely any of my identity left.  I had crazy hours doing 911 dispatch that a life outside of working and being a single mom was nearly impossible.  I have no excuses for my actions, I am only explaining the situation and the mindset I was coming off of.  I felt alone, and like a mind numbing worker bee.  During this painful transition into the single world I reconnected with an acquaintance who was also going through a similar situation.   He trusted me with his secrets, made himself vulnerable and was an unwavering friend.  He was that lending ear I needed, and the person I texted when having a good or bad night, really just the person I texted every night.  We talked about everything, even other guys I was actively dating and he gave me sound advice on each.  He didn’t judge me, he only loved me for who I was. I could for once just be me and he not only mirrored my humor perfectly, and never even cringed at my vulgar and less than lady like jokes.  He just added to the hilarity, and that was us. Just a simple Phil and Sally situation about to go extremely wrong, or for the sake of this story about to go exactly as planned, playing into these two types and fitting into their roles perfectly.   

So just as our roles would suggest, he actively pursued me and I rejected him, and continued to wallow in my self pity and be broken, except this time I was back to being alone. When realizing the error in my ways, I apologized, I expected anger.  But was shell shocked when greeted with forgiveness, kindness  and acceptance he also even went on to tell me that I was a good person and that everyone makes mistakes.  

However my price to pay is that Phil and I will never be the same, he will never trust me with his secrets and being vulnerable with me is a thing in the past. I don’t blame him, and if the roles were reversed I might have even chosen the low road.  Like writing a comedy dating blog using only nicknames utilizing examples from my private relationships to my advantage? Maybe, I might have even told him to kick rocks, or say nothing at all.  

At the end of the day the typical fixer is an amazing man.  He is husband, father and best friend material.  He fights for you.  To lose this man is truly only your loss at the end of the day, because sadly for you and I, he will undoubtedly go on to find another.  He is the long term relationship type of man. He will find a woman who not only appreciates and sees his value and the amazing qualities he brings to the table but she will cherish him and make him feel full and loved.  She will do everything you failed to do and more.  He deserves this for his life, and you will only be invited to the viewing party that is social media.  Please don’t try and hurt this man again.  Wish him well, and let him move on with his life.  He deserves the best, and even though he so badly wanted it to be you, you were incapable of holding the heart he wanted to put in your hands.  If any woman finds one of these men, please capture him and replicate him.  We need more fixers and less Anglers and Three-Petes in this world.  It’s time we appreciate these men for the non game playing, amazing men they are.

I leave you with this for the Phil’s reading this.  If you are in love with a Sally currently, you should cancel the subscription to her issues and move on.  You deserve better.  If you’re a Sally reading this, do what Cinderella and I did with our lives.  Change your shoes (metaphorically of course) it can change your whole life and your outlook on how you should be treated and maybe even open up your eyes to really see who your real Prince Charming is. Sally you deserve happiness in your life too.  But you have got to peel yourself from your situation and get your shit together. You’re not ready for this man right now. Let him go.

XOXO JESS