#what ill do with the degree in the subjects im doing
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sick of everyone in my life thinking I'm this lazy, useless, incompetent human being !!!
I am trying my hardest to make beneficial changes and improvements to my life and everyone brings up how relaxed and irresponsible I used to be !!!!
in my first year of uni I left everything til the last minute, maxxed out my overdraft twice, went on nights out with no way home or anyone to stay with when I was too tired to wait for the first train of the next day, got so obsessed with the beatles that I didn't do any work, didn't do my washing or shopping til it was absolutely urgent - basically I had no routine so just never got anything done ever.
this year, however, I've gotten myself into a routine and it's working well for me!
...but people are still expecting me to not be able to resist getting myself into debt, people are still expecting me to not take my uni work seriously, people are still expecting me to be silly enough to go on nights out with no plan to get home, but that's not what I'm doing this year!
but noone believes me !!!
I have been keeping on top of notes for uni, I have plans to start some assignments soon when they're not due until december, I have been living on a strict budget and am saving at the same time (which I'm hugely proud of myself for considering I maxxed out my overdraft twice last year, I didn't think I would be able to come back from that), if I haven't slept well and I think I can't stay out for the first train home the next day I don't go out (as heartbreaking as that is when I really wanna go out), I now have a healthy being obsessed with the beatles/life balance, and I have set days of the week for doing necessary things like my washing and shopping - but it feels like those things don't matter when everyone still expects me to be careless and lazy :(
I'm trying hard to prove people wrong but it feels pointless :/ although I'm proud of myself for getting into a routine and doing better in general than I was doing last year :)
#not beatles sorry#please someone be proud of me#my parents dont think im in uni for the right reasons#they think im only here for the freedom and the 'going out all the time'#im not!#im here for the degree ill get at the end (hopefully)#(fingers crossed)#what ill do with the degree in the subjects im doing#i dont know#the course im doing is pretty niche#i have friends on courses in different unis where theyre guaranteed a job at the end#i have no idea what ill do with mine#probably work in my customer service job forever#lol#although there is that beatles music through time masters degree#that gets more appealing as time goes on
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what do you plan to do with your degree after uni?
FUCK NASTY!!!
#if i ever touch economics again it's a cry for help like i cannot stress enough how fucking pointless this degree is gonna be#okay deep breath im only being so negative bc im balls deep in exam season. it's a GOOD degree i DONT REGRET MY DEGREE#this will be EXCEPTIONALLY helpful when i go into the working world i am EMPLOYABLE bc of my DEGREE#like economics is a VERY versatile subject there arent many areas of work that econ doesnt apply to in some way#so i KNOW it's a really good degree to have and i can kinda do what i want afterwards#but oh my fucking god. jesus christ. bloody fucking hell#i do however know that in the immediate year after my degree im gonna move back home and waitress full time#bc i just need to like. take some time off education and recover LMAO and i want a space to just tick some boxes i never got round to#like learning how to drive and stuff. and living without having rent to pay in a place im very familiar with will be good#even if i do think it's gonna have it's own struggles. oh hometown blues we're really in it now#but yeah after that year im thinking about maybe doing a masters? but ill have to proper blag it bc you typically have to do#masters in subjects relevant to your degree and i dont want to go within a radiation exclusion zone of economics#so. there's that. do u think if i say please somewhere will let me do a classics masters be honest. if i say pretty please#ask#hella goes to uni
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was so caught up in the euphoria of completing my first full page illustration since febuary after 10 months of work that i completely forgot im getting kicked from my dream major
#i got an email about it for the first time in 2ish months and god fucking damn its emotional whiplash#is it even worth getting a degree in a subject i did not apply for and do not want to make my career#ive never felt how im feeling before. this is probably a normal feeling. doesnt mean i like it though#theyre not going to let me back into my major. theyre not. waste of money waste of time i dont know. i liked learning i had such a nice year#and this is the outcome. god#and even if i switch to my backup major ill already be behind in the material and context. i dont know i dont know#im so tired of this. i dont know#i dont know i dont know i dont even feel proud of my work anymore#i need space i need time i need company i need support i dont know#what a year. hm#also please no unsolicited advice on this specific post i am not in the mind for it rn
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switch to history major yes/no
#cons: spent money on bio stuff already so thats a waste -_- uhm sunk cost fallacy. uhm idk ill teach hs history or work in#an office i just cannot do stem im sorry i was made to write non-research essays and present stuff. sigh#evil stem students etc like. whatever im stressed its week four. i should kms#just like. i love bio but only the bio classws not like physics and chem and calc etc. i have to take ochem in a year or so. idk what#dipoles are or how to read a lewis chart#so like im passionate abt the subject but only the surface level stuff yknow now mechanisms beyond that. genetics was hell evil course#and i dont want an environmental science degree cause then youre locked into mostly consulting or gis stuff which#no way. augh let me teach hs historyand then get a phd in some hyper specifically field and then get some tenor job in fourty years idk#like i do think history is an easy subject literature too. to me like the same way i never needed to study ecology cause#you dont actually learn anything yiu just know facts and concepts not like equations. like fake learning.#augh whateverrr i will simply rot i dont think id be able to finish this degree between working and taking more than 12 hours a semester#like. its a lot -_- i feel bad complanjng cause my dad graduated taking twenty hours and working over full time 😭 but also#it was like thr 90s so not much else to do if#ig*.#el oh el whateverrrr ill figure it iut mwah. for rn i gotta finish my chem hw then shower
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Hi! Just so you know, that pic of skeletons in plate armor with maidens links back to an AI art page! I don't know where you stand on AI but given the post you reblogged right before was a "support human artists" one, figured I'd let you know! Hope you have a nice day!
at this point im pretty ambivalent--we should definitely be prioritizing real artists who make their own work and need money to keep being alive. and ai art SHOULD be labeled and identified as such so it can be discussed on its own merits.
on the other hand ai generators do produce some pretty interesting and enjoyable images that i often like a lot and the field is really fascinating in the amount and depth of issues we can discuss. is it art? what makes something art? is it theft? when is it theft? what kinds of theft make something not be art? in what ways is this different from photography? are we free? are we fucked? how much is this costing which of us?
none of those questions have easy answers but it's a lot of fun to ask them. i got an art degree and failed to make a living as an illustrator--i know this technology is shaking things up in a pretty bad way for a lot of folks. and i don't think much of people who want all the glory of being a skilled artist with none of the actual work that goes into developing any skill.
but this is a big complicated situation and i feel a lot of different ways about it. i definitely don't like any sort of witch-hunts or shunning behavior, and it's concerning to see the usual tumblr pattern of declaring a thing to be Anathema and then getting mad at anyone who interacts with it.
so ill probably keep intermittently reblogging real artists, calls to financially support real artists, and interesting ai work, all at the same time. if i don't have one coherent single stance on the subject, i figure people who follow this blog can make up their own minds themselves.
#long post#'hey you have an inconsistent opinion on--' yeah i do that#also i mean they're REALLY cool skeletons
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been awhile
Alright, I'm not lying when I say I definitely got too busy with school and trying different things. Changed my degree then moved then had 4 different family things pop up.....
Yes, im awful for the questions and stuff and my lord is it a lot to answer. Yes, I'm a whats it called some word I'm too tired to say.
Now nobody gets angry because I have been writing that slowly, of course, has anyone ever screamed at your computer? no just me.
anywho back to the subject
Untitled Hero's next chapter is like a quarter done. and the other stories are just so close to being ready, I decided to make those intros shorter since I still need to do some learning on a few things.
Once those demos are up I'll share them but I'm a perfectionist sometimes not that last update Hero anyone says anything ill bear hug you... sorry not sorry.
ill start on the questions today and try to get them out this week that's my goal at least.
and aham the ones who asked the prompts i don't know who you are but they are fabulous. (bet you forgot that song hehehe.)
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the random antisemitism on my dash from you fucking blew, that post literally has someone saying death to jews in the notes
Im guessing this is the post ur talking about and that this is the comment u mean
(if not, and someone somewhere in the tags said word for word "death to jews", then i didnt spot it. But more importantly, you understand that i am not responsible for that person writing those words, right? and that i may have reblogged that post not because of what some rando said in the tags that i didnt check beforehand, but because of what the post is actually about? which is the state of Isr*el's continued atrocities against palestinians, and more specifically the morbid humor in some random isr*elian on the internet being blind to the real extent of their nations descent into despotism and violence? Just so we're clear about the subject matter of the post)
Anyway. so if that is indeed the comment ur saying meant to say death to jews, then it would seem ur confused about something. Namely zionism *isn't* the same thing as judaism. let's start with the fucking dictionary:
So merriam-webster agrees with me that being a zionist is not the same as being jewish. And quite frankly, it can't be, since unless if we want to posit that gentiles have an inherent and innate opposition to the jewish people having a nation of their own, then it must be possible and true that gentiles can also support a nation of Isr*el, and therefore, can be zionists. And I don't personally believe that not being jewish inherently makes you hateful of jews and opposed to a peaceful existence alongside and together with them. I doubt you do either, considering.
So, we've basically already established that being a zionist does not automatically make one jewish, which means that calling for the death of all zionists does not mean you are calling for the death of all jews.
On the other hand, it would make sense for a lot of zionists to *be* jewish, thus meaning that you are calling for the death of, if not all, then at a least a lot of jews. Now i hate pedophiles. IF we were to imagine a world where 60% of pedophiles were jewish, and i said i think pedophiles should die, i do not believe it would be antisemitic, because i would arguing for the death of pedophiles *regardless* of a majority of them being jewish. Similiarly, the person calling for the death of all zionists is probably doing so independantly of a lot of zionists being jews (maybe, i didnt check to see if there are any statistics on that and im not about to, because this is mostly hypothetical anyway).
"But 'zionist' is just a dogwhistle for jewish, so they do mean death to all jews!"
Then let's take a look at the first part of their comment: "death to the illegal settler colonial state of Isr*el"
now im no expert. but i do believe they may be referring to the aforementioned atrocities and the current apartheid that palestinians endure under the rule of Isr*el. Personally i find it reasonable and to some degree expected of people to condemn these acts. Maybe calling for the death of living people is extreme, but either way, i dont think this person is calling for the death of jews, specifically.
Or maybe they are. Maybe the person in the notes is a big antisemite. I dont know. I dont feel like digging through their blog to check. What I do feel more strongly about is the fact that you worded your ask in a way that suggests you know me, since you expect better from me. Whether ur a follower or a mutual, it makes me incredibly sad that you felt the need to send this through anon instead of a dm. maybe its intimidating or something, but getting this ask doesnt feel like a dialogue, it just feels rude. u didnt even greet me first
i'll make it clear: i have no ill will towards jews. at all. i very much want for all jews across the world and especially in my country to be able to live their lives free from the prejudice, hatred and trauma that they may suffer as a result of antisemitism at the hands of people like myself. i dont know how to make this clearer
i do not support the nation of isr*el. i dont like its actions, i dont like its leaders. i am a firm believer in the fact that until the nakba ends, there will never be a worthy argument for the nation's continued existence. and i do not like how people intentionally misconstrue criticisms of it as antisemitic to condemn the critic, such as what you are doing.
The fact that you seem to be familiar with me annoys me. i despise letting people down. i always do my best not to do so, and always wish to be reliable. but you're annoying. so either dm me if you want to have a real discussion, or block me. read this before you go though, its somewhat interesting. now fuck off
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✦ 𝒊 , the student file . rowan im , graduate student , masters in business studies , with bird scooter by krooked kings blasting through the doors , can be charming yet elusive , member of the debate team , and swimming team. wanted connections , wc tag.
✦ 𝒊𝒊 , the statistics .
full name : rowan im , nickname : row , or dumbass to many , age : twenty - five , date of birth : 23rd of may , zodiac sign : gemini , hometown : greenwich , connecticut , gender : cis man , pronouns : he / him , orientation : heterosexual ??? , languages : english , korean , conversational french , chinese , major : business studies , sibling / s : one older sister ,
positive traits : affable , spirited , ingenious , witty , sanguine , negative traits : theatrical , evasive , defensive , patronizing , indolent , aesthetics : sleeping in class , hot chocolate in winter time , unremembered names behind coy smile , a legacy , computer screen left on throughout the night , broken promises of getting shit together , always a glint of something mischievous , nonchalance of the youngest sibling , character inspo : david larrabee from sabrina , stiles stilinksi from teen wolf , logan huntzberger from gilmore girls , nick miller from new girl , seth cohen from the oc , theo engler from you ,
✦ 𝒊𝒊𝒊. , the backstory .
being the youngest son of the conglomerate im industries , rowan believes he had dodged a bullet. being the youngest meant lesser responsibilities , freer choices , and a wider array of possibilities — and for the most part of his childhood , though he still was subjected to intense private lessons , he'd never felt the pressure weigh on his shoulders as opposed to how it hampered on his older sister's.
rowan never took his life seriously. lessons begrudgingly attended in the mornings , sports in the afternoon , sneaking off in between doing god knows what , parties at night , and never coming back home until a week later to repeat the process. he was a nuisance as a teen , even more so as a young adult as he began to show signs of not growing out of his teenage mischief. his parents had thought that if they had just allowed rowan to do whatever he wanted at the beginning , he'd grow tired of it and become considerate , but they thought wrong.
after high school , rowan got into yale for sports science. though it was never in his agenda to go to college , his father stroke him a deal of consenting him to study any degree he wanted just as long as he finishes it , and of course , with a few calls to his esteemed yale colleagues were made. his grades weren't the best , but he's a talented swimmer. and for a few months , everyone swore he'd finally stick with it , that is until he suddenly dropped out , went backpacking around the world doing god knows what - a running theme - and called it taking a gap year ... or two.
he had cut all means of communication with his family for almost two years. although his mother became a consistent bearer of news during that time , it was also how he knew his sister had gotten seriously ill , and that coming home was of grave matter.
rowan's relationship with his father was strained , and with his sister's inability to continue working in the company , frustratingly agreeable had only become rowan's response to his father's demands.
✦ 𝒊𝐯. , the character notes .
radcliffe is his mother's alma mater , and it was also with her encouragement that rowan decided to pursue a bachelor's and a master's degree there. a legacy — as they called him , but rowan tends to hide the minor detail behind his facetious charm and outgoing demeanor.
he rarely discusses anything regarding his family's business , and if asked regarding his relations to the im industries , he reasons that most korean-americans have identical surnames anyway.
despite finally adhering to a singular spot for nearly four years , rowan can still be quite the man that he was years ago : a fool who runs his mouth , thoughts leaving his mind without slightest bit of consideration , increasingly dramatic over even the most minute account , and overly troublesome. anyone that do not wish to be in trouble ought to avoid this pest.
surprised everyone by continuing education after earning his bachelor's degree , but those close to him knew it's an arduous and impulsive way to avoid first - hand responsibilities for the family's company.
#radcliffeintro#hiiii !!!!#im so excited to plot and write with u all <3333#i'll be sending dms to plot !!
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✦ (SONG KANG, CIS MAN, HE/HIM) - is ROWAN IM late to class again? how does the 24 year old SENIOR expect to get their degree in FINANCE? professors say that they are CHARMING but i heard that they are INDOLENT. hopefully they’ll make it to graduation!
life is perpetual freshness , in permanent movement , as such , we need to be the same way; a childlike innocence is requested by existence , every time , in every circumstance – a priceless purity.
✦ 𝒊 , the stastistics .
name : rowan im , nickname : row , or dumbass to many , age : twenty - four , date of birth : 23rd of may , zodiac sign : gemini , hometown : east hampton , new york , gender : cis man , pronouns : he / him , orientation : heterosexual ??? , languages : english , korean , conversational french , major : finance , sibling / s : one older sister ,
positive traits : affable , spirited , ingenious , witty , sanguine , negative traits : theatrical , evasive , defensive , patronizing , indolent , aesthetics : sleeping in class , hot chocolate in winter time , unremembered names behind coy smile , a legacy , computer screen left on throughout the night , broken promises of getting shit together , always a glint of something mischievous , nonchalance of the youngest sibling , character inspo : david larrabee from sabrina , stiles stilinksi from teen wolf , logan huntzberger from gilmore girls , nick miller from new girl , seth cohen from the oc , theo engler from you ,
✦ 𝒊𝒊. , the backstory .
being the youngest son of the conglomerate im industries , rowan believes he had dodged a bullet. being the youngest meant lesser responsibilities , freer choices , and a wider array of possibilities — and for the most part of his childhood , though he still was subjected to intense private lessons , he'd never felt the pressure weigh on his shoulders as opposed to how it was with his older sister.
rowan never took his life seriously. lessons begrudgingly attended in the mornings , sports in the afternoon , sneaking off in between doing god knows what , parties at night , and never coming back home until a week later to repeat the process. he was a nuisance as a teen , even more so as a young adult as he began to show signs of not growing out of his teenage mischief. his parents had thought that if they had just allowed rowan to do whatever he wanted at the beginning , he'd grow tired of it and become considerate , but they thought wrong.
after high school , rowan got into princeton for sports science. though it was never in his agenda to go to college , his father stroke him a deal of consenting him to study any degree just as long as he finishes it , and of course , a few calls to his esteemed princeton colleagues were made. his grades weren't the best , but he's a talented swimmer. and for a few months , everyone swore he'd finally stick with it , that is until he suddenly dropped out , went backpacking around the world doing god knows what - a running theme - and called it taking a gap year ... or two.
he had cut all means of communication with his family for almost two years. although his mother became a consistent bearer of news during that time , it was also how he knew his sister had gotten seriously ill , and that coming home was of grave matter.
rowan's relationship with his father was strained , and with his sister's inability to continue working in the company , frustratingly agreeable had only become rowan's response to his father's demands.
✦ 𝒊𝒊𝒊. , the character notes .
timber creek university is his mother's alma mater , and it was also with her encouragement that rowan decided to pursue a bachelor's degree there. a legacy — as they called him , but rowan tends to hide the minor detail behind his facetious charm and outgoing demeanor.
he rarely discusses anything regarding his family's business , and if asked regarding his relations to the im industries , he reasons that most korean-americans have identical surnames anyway.
despite finally adhering to a singular spot for nearly four years , rowan can still be quite the man that he was two years ago : a fool who runs his mouth , thoughts leaving his mind without slightest bit of consideration , increasingly dramatic over even the most minute account , and overly troublesome. anyone that do not wish to have business with him ought to avoid this pest.
✦ 𝒊𝐯. , the connections .
a list of wanted and established connections can be found here.
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intro post bc ppl do those
hi my name scarlet lovelace (if u want the etymology of my full name ask @rhinozzryan)
i am trans fem lesbian bee, i use she/her, bee/bees, and 🐝/🐝 pronouns
i speak english natively and norwegian to an alright degree, currently studying latin and akkadian, and im learning german
i code things sometimes, my most confident languages are java python and html, but i also know js and c, c++ and c#
oh i also write things, i do poetry sometimes, and ive started a pretty long book writing journey. im attempting to catalogue the entirety of roman history while also not being a white supremacist (never understood why that was so hard for people) bc i think roman history is politically and culturally fascinating, but modern discourse on the subject is kinda (see: very) problematic in a lot of cases
ive also just started music :D ive got no idea what im doing and by the time im at a point that ill be comfortable sharing anything i might jsut keel over and die, but im making it and thats fun
WAIT I ALSO DO ARCHERY, i had this sitting in my drafts for like two days bc i knew i forgor something, but im like pretty decent at competitive target archery
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im being so serious besties i am not cut out for academia
#like yes i know ive had a very uniquely shit experience in doing a degree i actively not only hate but also am BAD AT#but also i just. cannot hack it#'but hella you go mental and pessimistic every single exam period' i know that but. im right also#like the other day i said to my mum how much ive just been enjoying my job recently#and how huge a deal that is bc i HATE my hometown and ive never ever considered my time here as possibly being good#and my 20s will hopefully be a lot of travelling but in between that to save easier im gonna live at home#so i dont have to worry about rent so alas that means when im saving up for my next trip I WILL BE IN MY HOMETOWN#and as excited as i am for my twenties that is one huge downside to me but i was really cheerfully saying to my mum#that literally for the first time ever ive considered it might not be too bad bc lately i have just enjoyed my job#like i enjoy the people and the work and the lifestyle of it and while it's never gonna be ideal as a means to an end it's actually good#and instead of focussing on that she went OFF on one about how she wants me to stay in education and keep getting qualifications#and she was like 'you could do an english degree you've always wanted to do english or how about open university-'#and i was just sat there blinking at her like girl.... no#like i could FEEL myself shutting down like the terror of having to return to this environment when ive got my sight so set#on that 'one more year and im done one more year and im done' mindset like that has been the only thing getting my through#is that im halfway through the course now so im closer to the other end than i am the beginning and if i can just push through#ill be free from it for the rest of my life. so the thought of immediately returning to academia even for a subject i adore? i felt ILL#and my mum apologised the next day without me even having to say anything bc she realised she kinda bulldozed me there#but i just know whether it's the adhd or ive actually been traumatised by this econ degree#(<- and im being serious there like ik 'traumatised' is a big loaded word but idk what else to use#and this degree has done so so much damage to me like it has convinced me that i am fundamentally a stupid person#to the point i refuse to add up bills when with friends or do answer any sort of intellectual question even if i KNOW i know the answer#bc ive just gone so so long of being bad at the only subject im studying like just SURROUNDED by it and being bad at it relentlessly#and i dont think people realise how damaging it is to very simply just... feel stupid all the time. but oh my god i used to be so confident#and bright and now i wont even do basic addition in front of people)#i really truly dont think i can do this again in any capacity. like the constant exams and studying and assignments#i just cant do it. maybe i just need a year or two away from it after this degree but my goddddd rn i cant see it#yes it's exam time for me can u tell. it always makes me existential and on the verge of vomiting at any given moment#i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here i dont care about iterated deletion of strictly dominated strategies shut the fuck up#hella goes to uni
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15 questions, 15 mutuals
tagged by @woodswit 💌
whose blog ive been lurking on for a bit now and whose book is near the top of my tbr so i will hopefully get to talk about soon!
1. are you named after anyone?
first name not really (tis a common noun so kinda?), but middle name is feminized version of my mum's dad
2. when was the last time you cried?
the other day from a book i think?
out of the crying everyday phase now that we're a couple weeks out from breakup so thats a yay
3. do you have kids?
i'm pretty young so no. but, i have always wanted them (got called maternal from a very young age, we don't have to talk about what that did to my psyche)
4. what sports do you play/have played?
did very minimal karate, ballet, gymnastics as a kid and then played soccer into highschool until i was too concussed <3
5. do you use sarcasm?
actually something im trying to lean on less - i try to be a kind person and find i lean on sarcasm as a defense mechanism even when its not how i want to be interacting with people
6. what's the first thing you notice about people?
probably something cliché like eyes but also the energy they are giving off and if they have humour about them, if that makes sense? not sure how to explain it other than some people are just heavier or lighter beings
7. what’s your eye colour?
dark brown, i used to not really like them but got this insane text from a guy friend™️ once so there's that
8. scary movies or happy endings?
firmly happy endings, im an absolute p*ssy with a pension for nightmares so keep scary shit away from me
9. any talents?
I'm a good talker, always could improv a speech or articulate my point well which has come in pretty handy in academic writing
i also can solo the shit out of a canoe so
10. where were you born?
born and raised in the same canadian city
i like to leave breadcrumbs of mystery
11. what are your hobbies?
reading and talking about books generally, watch quite a few sports with varying degrees of intensity (love hockey but have had a harder time with it over the past few years with how bad the culture is), a lot of time looking at/talking about politics but thats also my degree
also not sure if it counts but i really do love being a part of fandom/internet spaces
12. do you have any pets?
a family dog back home with my parents!
13. how tall are you?
about 5'9 which i think is pretty tall and i am very self conscious about
14. favourite subject in school?
oo it shifted a lot over time. i loved math early on because i picked it up really easily but that was a really hard subject to maintain when i was in and out of school for health reasons. so it moved to the humanities/lib arts
always enjoyed english and I'm a Politics, Philosophy, and Economics(bleh) major so do with that information what you will
15. dream job?
aha thinking about the future is terrifying. i'd really like to teach in the polisci field just because i have so many thoughts about the importance of education there but every now and then i consider being a librarian
or the younger wife of a rich man who wants to give me his money for books and philanthropy would work too
absolutely zero pressure tags of those i love and/or would love to get to know better: @chai-isms @ceilidho @ohbo-ohno @heatherdewhoney @ghosts-cyphera @winterrose527 @thegoodbutter @bluemoonjeans
and anyone else who would like to but im shy and terrified of annoying people (ill bring it up to my therapist)
#tag games!#guy friends amiright#i find learning about the little people in my phone's majors or degrees so interesting#like yes slay the queens with crazy stem backgrounds who also have time to write incredible smut#i am a humble social science girly in awe of you
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Heey just wanted to tell you that I adore your art, especially the way you draw Barok. You humanised him in a way I've never seen an artist do. All your characters, but especially him, look like real, soft, approachable people. I can almost see their chests expanding, I can imagine them laughing and breathing, I can tell how in love your ships are, which is very special and very rare
Your art makes me extremely emotional
(also where did you study, what books did u read, how long did it take you to learn to draw like that??)
AH thank you for the sweet ask! it really made my day to hear this TTuTT
As for your other asks, ill put them undercut with some photos and links to stuff!!
I've been drawing for about ahhhh 16 years( 8 of which are actually like serious school stuff than just a hobby) but tbh its only really been in the last 3 where i feel like ive been making actual progress in improving my stuff. but thats my personal path in art and its always gonna be different for you or anyone else.
anyways 3 years ago i made some changes to my drawing habits and study methods that were like. real specific to where i wanted my art to go (cleaner lines, better foundations, gesture, etc etc). I worked on thing one at a time tho!! it can get overwhelming real quick if youre not careful. So the stuff im gonna give you is geared towards....well, me? both in content im searching for and just the classes that resonate how i like learning
OK BOOKS:
CLEANER LINES. I use to have a habit of making like EXTREMELY sketchy and unconfident lines. This is a landscape book that i literally just copied every single thumbnail. Helped me get into the habit of both using only a few strokes to get an idea across and breaking down complicated subjects into shapes
ANATOMY. Morpho series. Its not a how-to-book tho its just a compilation of an artists break downs. This one is my fav tho. And helped a lot when i was struggling to understand like ALL BODY PARTS
CLOTHING. This is probably my fav clothing book. Very short and published in the 1940s. Its helpful specifically to ME cause its clothing is closer to TGAA outfits(mens) than more modern books LOL
And now CLASSES. I do actually have an art degree from a university and let me tell you. I was left SEVERELY lacking any skills i needed to go into the industry I was interested in 👍 (not cause of the professors but cause the school itself was actively killing its art department :p) So i was kinda just left looking into online stuff on my own (AND COMMUNITY COLLEGE!!!! MY BELOVED AFFORABLE CLASSES )
NEW MASTERS ACADEMY. Its a subscription-have access to all the videos for a month to a year- kind of thing. cheapest is about $40 a month. REALLY REALLY helped my anatomy and foundations. Steve Huston: Good for entire step by step anatomy break downs. Micheal Mattesi & Karl Gnass: Gesture. I've watched a handful of other videos but these instructors were the most helpful to me
DRAWING AMERICA. A lot more pricey. Around $100-$300. but youre basically paying to own the recorded classes and keep them forever. I've only really taken Will Westons classes cause he focuses on BGS and props. But he also has some nice composition stuff thrown in there too.
(I've taken a LOT of online courses and the thing about a majority of them is that they arent really taught by professors or teachers so they tend to be more like a giant Tip video than an actual lesson plan. And if u haven't taken an art class before the difference is HUGE)
and i think thats it? i guess if theres anything else i can give u its this tip:
you mentioned my art is humanizing. Thats a comment ive heard a few times and i guess its odd to say but i dont really know what youre seeing? Like i understand the "ships in love" but cause i did go out of my way to draw sappy love faces 10 bajillion times until i was satisfied. But alive? hmmmmmm like THINK i might know what you may be responding to. Its a combo of the gesture and my effort in trying not to loose the energy of the original sketch when i go to clean it up. And what ive figured out is this. Youre not outlining or tracing your under sketch youre REDRAWING it .
i put the under sketch and clean up next to each other so hopefully this makes sense but like. when i do an under sketch im only really focused on building the figure. When u build a figure youre drawing out bigger shapes and breaking them down into smaller and smaller ones. Lines feel like they have more energy at this stage because the circles and cylinders are fully drawn out, making them have a continuous momentum. So then when it comes to the clean up stage. im not looking to trace the exact lines i drew out (if u notice my final isnt a 1 to 1 copy of the og) im trying to follow the flow of the original lines. thats why youll see lines go thru the figure sometimes, its me trying to keep the energy in that line even if its not suppose to be very long.
idk if this makes any sense at all.....and maybe i should have recorded me actually drawing this out but [shrug emoji] i could do it later if anyone is interesting in wtf is happening here. CAUSE I SWEAR ever since i started cleaning my sketches like this i started to get those comments. but also i could be wrong too.....then i REALLY dont know what im doing ahahahah
Anyways, i hope something in here ends up helping you anon!!! GOOD LUCK ARTING I BELIEVE IN YOU :O
#asks#art reference#the art of a lemon wedge#ALSO :D#ahaha barok is one of my favs to draw so im like extra happy you like him
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i graduated high school in 2020. (part 2)
which means if the stars aligned i would be graduating college with a bachelors degree right now.
i see all the posts of my old classmates with their cap and gown and paragraph of appreciation
(and by old classmates i mean the two that i still follow on instagram)
(haven’t spoken to them in years).
everyone else i unfollowed
probably because they unfollowed me first.
i don’t need a cap and gown to be successful!
i don’t need a cap and gown to make money!
i don’t need a cap and gown to be happy!
at one point in time i really did want a cap and gown going through that classic four year college experience.
but college got put on hold when i was diagnosed with DID.
college damaged me.
school didn’t,
but college did.
i love to learn i love school i love the routine
i always did.
school used to be about spending time with classmates and friends, switching between classes every hour or so, learning as many subjects as you can to find out what you want to do for the rest of your life.
college is about focusing all of your time and energy into one subject and sitting through hours of lecture multiple times a week in hopes that you like the subject you chose, want to pursue it after college, and can find a stable income with it.
do you know what its like to have your parents save up college money for you to be mentally ill and not be able to complete it?
not be able to complete their dreams for you?
do you know what it’s like to live with the guilt that your parents could’ve used that money for other more important and immediate costs while you’re sitting in lecture knowing that you’re wasting it.
because i have DID.
because i was put through a few traumatic experiences while growing up that my brain had to protect itself from the world when nobody else would.
because having a flight or fight response toward college is unacceptable when planning your future.
because flying away from college prevents you from getting a degree.
because the emails of fighting and defending your case for accommodations and special help never get a response.
so, i fawn.
i fawned my way through college just to collapse on myself and end up in the hospital.
i fought to get a refund or even a partial refund from my tuition because i didn’t make it through the semester and they denied it.
i fly to another university to try and “start over” but fawning is all i know.
and im back to failing classes.
and im back to dissociating during lecture.
and i’m back to feeling guilt.
and i fear that ill never get out of this.
that i’ll never go to college and get a degree and get my cap and gown moment.
i don’t even want it anymore if this is what is costs me.
#actually did#did#did osdd#did system#dissociative system#mental health#actually bpd#borderline personality disorder#plural system#poem#writers on tumblr#writing#writeblr#school#college
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you say that and then say terms such as "adult sexuality" and "inappropriate adult emotional needs" but you want to get rid of the concept of "adulthood" entirely. you seem like you haven't really escaped that line of thinking entirely, which i can't really blame you for. I liked what you said about our shared responsibility, and it reminds me a lot about how women at any age above 18 are still given standards that re-create how they looked at a prepubescent age and that we should still feel responsible to point out the possible ulterior motives of that sorta push of "beauty" it's all extremely interesting what you're saying.
i'm not sure what this is in reference to but yeah i am an inhabitant of my current reality and time and life context and do show the signs of that by using words that refer to commonly held cultural concepts that are, admittedly, really full of holes, such as "adulthood" and "inappropriate" and stuff like that. i really dont aim for perfection especially with language but im happy to kinda probe the issues with these phrases because i agree with you philosophically about them not really making sense.
adult sexuality is for sure not a helpful framing, i cant remember where i said that but ill state on the record here that it isn't a term that really makes sense. people use "adult sexuality" or "healthy adult sexuality" the way they use "consensual" in phrases like "consensual non mongamy" is if to indicate that what they are referring to is the Cool Okay Kind, Dont Worry Guys, and it's all really unnecessary and it's also a handwave. like calling something adult or consensual doesnt ensure that it actually was okay or always is or whatever.
so like, i get your point. people not legally recognized as adults, who have no rights in our current society, also are sexual beings and while this is uncomfortable to grapple with and is used as an excuse to abuse children, i think denying that they are beings with attraction, libidos, questions, interests, sexual habits etc is to their detriment and is just factually incorrect.
inappropriate is trickier. i do think a lot of parents do place wrongheaded expectations onto their kids, emotionally speaking, and idk how to better refer to that other than like inappropriate, badly boundaried, emotionally immature (not my term, using that one because thats how lindsay gibson refers to it etc).
but like, yes, you are absolutely right that calling a thing inappropriate lacks specificity and confers a moral judgement, and when i say a phrase like that, im usually making a deliberate emotional appeal to the reader. when i openly call something inappropriate or wrong i'm implying that reader can see as easily as i can that an expectation was "wrong". im basically inviting them into my point of view about a subjective value judgement. and so to some degree the lack of objectivity in such statement is the point. if that makes sense.
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okay. apparently ranting on tumblr is the way to go so here i am. on a rant about my bitchass college life.
first of all. my classmates. GOD. the people in my group would be fine if the guy that i considered a potential friend didn’t stop talking to me after i rejected him at a party. he was genuinely interested in me as a person and my interests and then he had to go and ruin it by taking rejection like a little bitch. i would’ve been fine with it IF HE IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIDNT START TALKING WITH ANOTHER GIRL THAT I GET ALONG WITH. AND STOPPED ANY FORM OF CONTACT WITH ME. motherfucker i’ll hunt you down for sport if you ignore me for the year and a half i’m going to be in that class.
then there’s the bitch in my group. OH MY GOD. you’re TWENTY YEARS OLD. TWENTY ONE I DONT CARE. and yet you behave like an edgy sixteen year old that just got tumblr?? “ooooh i’m so edgy all i do is complain and bitch and give people dirty looks.” i’m surprised you have friends, let alone roommates that didn’t let the carbon monoxide leak when they spent the night out and you slept alone. i hope you know i fucking hate you and the way you monopolize people is elementary school shit. which you seem to think you’re in anyways?? kids like you shouldn’t be reading the shitty ass tiktok books you keep recommending because of how hard the main characters fuck.
and the rest of my group keeps ignoring me lol. none of them wait for me to finish packing my shit and none of them talk with me out of college. oh wait they do. to ask me about homework. EVEN IF I DONT KNOW SHIT BECAUSE I KEEP SKIPPING CLASS. PAY ATTENTION IN THE LECTURES INSTEAD OF PLAYING SUDOKU.
and these people are the ones i spend most of my time with. because among the 20-something other students in my goddamned degree (yes. there’s 20-something of us in an entire undergrad. we used to be in the 30s but people kept dropping out for reasons ill touch on later). there’s one that keeps throwing ALUMINIUM WRAP BALLED UP. AT EIGHTEEN YEARS OF AGE. i can’t stand that bitch GOD i hope she drops out too.
my degree is a completely different subject. first off we have eight subjects this semester. EIGHT. we have more than any other degree in this fuckass university, and the workload is frankly ridiculous. i hope my professors aren’t aware that their subject isn’t the only one in the world because if they know the shit we have to do for other subjects and they keep sending us all the shit they do im killing them all and then myself. what the fuck do you mean the business professor keeps making us work as much as in development biology? ITS WORTH HALF THE CREDITS.
and my degree supervisor certainly doesn’t help. maam what do you mean we “can’t afford to have compromises and extracurriculars outside of college work”? kill yourself oh my god i’m paying 500€ a month (with my scholarship included!) to get an education not worked to the ground. i spend over ten hours in college when we have labs because for some reason we can’t have them just after classes to let us go home early like EVERYONE ELSE IN A SCIENCE DEGREE.
the worst part is that the people who organize the mandatory stuff for all students ignore the existence of labs. listen. i’m cool with having to do volunteer stuff. but don’t make me do 50 hours like everyone else because they don’t spend as much time IN THIS UGLY ASS UNIVERSITY. also can we at least have more smoking-allowed points in campus if you’re going to keep exploiting us? i’d like to be able to cope unhealthily with everything else in my life like the adult i am please and thank you.
and this is as far as i’m going because it’s getting long. i’d be surprised if anyone read as far as this so if you did thank you please like comment n subscribe for more rage-fueled content
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