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male-reader-haven · 10 months

Text

~That Horrible,, Wonderful Feeling~

Author note:

Chapter 2 wholesomeness ahead!! Idk if any of you caught it in my last upload before I edited it but I left my name in place of one of the Y/N placeholders... Oops. Needless to say I write these with myself in mind first lmao. Anyways, enjoy a relaxing date with Namjoon!!!

Chapter 2: New is Scary

Namjoon's POV as Y/N takes him to a museum. They share tons of moments, learn some more, and get closer to each other. A bit closer than intended... While his mind should be focused on the artwork and history on display, Namjoon can't help but find himself distracted by Y/N's adorable charm. What's happening to him?

ALSO INCLUDING: Y/N's perspective as his best friend helps him through gay panic

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x male idol Y/N (who has the same birthday as Jimin)

TW: Internalized homophobia, awkward moments, guilt, 18+

Word count: 3,648

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After another 15 minutes Y/N and Namjoon arrive at the museum and park. They had called ahead to let the museum know they were coming so they could bring their own security, but when they arrived they realized they wouldn't need it since the museum is basically empty, save for an elderly couple walking in together from off the bus. Y/N parks the car and looks at Namjoon excitedly.

“We got the place to ourselves! Let's go!” He hops out of the car, Namjoon smiles and puts up his black mask and gets out of the passenger side. Y/N slips up his own mask and locks the car with a short “beep.” He goes over to Namjoon and grabs his hand.

“C’mon, let's go!” Namjoon smiles under his mask as Y/N practically drags him into the museum.

They walk in the building together and check in at the front desk. The lady is very polite and shows them a small sign.

“If you scan this QR code with your phone it sends you to the audio guide for our exhibits so you can listen along.”

“That’s new.” Namjoon remarks. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his airpods and phone. He frowns slightly and turns to Y/N. “I usually bring these to listen to music as I look, but I also want to listen to the guide.”

“Here, I have an idea!” Y/N reaches into his own pocket and pulls out his own airpods. “Here, you play your music with your airpods and I will play the audio guide and we can each share one earbud.” He scans the sign and holds out an earbud in his hand towards Namjoon.

“Perfect!” Namjoon smiles and trades earbuds with Y/N. They walk away from admission and put their earbuds in.

“Now it’s my turn to judge your music taste!” Y/N laughs. Namjoon smiles, somewhat nervously. After a second too long of scrolling through his playlists Namjoon finally decides to play “Gymnopedie No. 1,” looking up to see if Y/N approves. Y/N smiles.

“Perfect.” He then turns to his phone and taps the play icon for the audio guide, only to make both of them jump with a blast of sound.

“Ah! Sorry, volume.” After he frantically lowers the volume to a good level, they both chuckle.

“Listen to loud music, huh?” Namjoon laughs.

“On occasion…” Y/N looks away, slightly shy from embarrassment. They begin walking and observing pieces in the national designated culture assets collection. The audio guide’s soft voice and the lull of the music provide a great combination of background noise as they admire the art. Namjoon notices that Y/N tends to walk and sway along with the music subconsciously, his head rocking back and forth gently as he bends down to read captions. He walks gracefully, nearly dancing as he makes his way to the next piece. Namjoon has a tight feeling in his stomach. They stop to admire “Sin-gubeop cheonmundo,” an old astronomical chart. Namjoon looks at Y/N, who is staring wide-eyed at the constellations and markings. His lips are slightly parted as his eyes graze over the parchment, slightly sparkling. Namjoon is enamored by Y/N’s thoughtful expressions, and the soothing music in the back of his mind doesn’t help how fluttery he feels looking at him.

He is beautiful.

Y/N turns and meets Namjoon’s eyes for a split second and Namjoon snaps his head back to the chart as if nothing happened. Out of the corner of his eye Namjoon sees Y/N turn his head also. They move on in comfortable silence and spend an hour looking at more historical pieces. Namjoon stays at the rear, watching as Y/N explores in adorable wonder. His mind is drifting away from the audio guide and he gets lost in watching him move from piece to piece. Y/N himself looks like he should be a work of art, put behind protective glass to shield him from the cruel outside world. He dances around the empty hallways and by dimly lit artworks. As far as Namjoon is concerned, the whole museum was built just for him. Y/N turns around and meets Namjoon’s gaze. Namjoon doesn’t look away this time, enamored by Y/N’s warm smile.

“Hungry?” Y/N asks after a moment. As if on cue, Namjoon’s stomach makes a gurgling sound.

“Guess so.” They laugh and head to the museum cafe.

Y/N orders a hot chai tea latte with oat milk and a rice cake and Namjoon orders an iced americano with egg bread. They sit down on bar stools next to the glass wall that shows the outside garden.

“I need to go to museums more often, I really love it here!” Y/N remarks, taking a sip of his tea. “It’s so peaceful compared to the rest of the city.”

“Yeah, whenever I have even just 30 minutes of free time from working I try to go to museums. They calm me down and help me clear my mind. It’s part of why I love art so much.” He looks at Y/N. “What do you like about art?”

“Wow, loaded question.” Y/N laughs. “Well, I like thinking about what made the artist create their pieces. What time period it was, what was going on at the time, how they felt, what prompted them to create, etcetera. I like the personality behind it.” He looks out the window, resting his head in his hand. “It’s like taking a glimpse into a stranger’s mind and seeing what it’s like. It's intimate.” Namjoon nods. He takes note of how the setting sun’s golden glow shines on Y/N’s hair, making it a warm color. There’s that funny feeling in his chest again.

This is new… Since when do I notice things like that about him?...

Namjoon fidgets in his seat and looks down at his coffee.

“I missed hanging out with you, Joon. It’s been forever since you've been working so hard for the last few months. It’s like we never see you.” Namjoon feels a twinge of guilt after hearing him say that.

“I’m sorry, I get stuck up in my head sometimes. Yoongi too. When we start the process, it's hard to stop.” He sips his coffee. “I need to remember to take more breaks before I burn out.”

“Seriously. You know if you ever need to wind down or want to go to a museum, I'd be happy to come with. We don’t even really have to talk if it takes too much energy.” He crosses his arms. “Plus, somebody’s gotta make sure you don’t break down completely.”

Namjoon chuckles.

“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.”

After some time chatting at the cafe, Namjoon and Y/N decide to head back home and chill with takeout and movies until the rest of the band gets back. Y/N orders chinese (sesame chicken, orange chicken, wontons and crab rangoons) while Namjoon flips through Netflix.

“Any recommendations?” Namjoon says over his shoulder.

“Shhh, on the phone, one sec.” Y/N responds. Namjoon just nods and continues flipping, making note of all 8 member’s profile images on Netflix. Taehyung has a strange cartoon slug, Jimin is Queen Elizabeth from “The Crown,” Jungkook is the chicken from “Lost in Space,” Yoongi is a leopard from some nature documentary, J-hope is a default orange smiley icon, Jin is Aggretsuko, Y/N is a penguin and Namjoon’s is a koala. He wonders to himself if everyone chose their own or if somebody assigned all their icons. He scrolls down his account and realizes there is so much that he hasn’t seen, let alone heard of. Y/N hangs up his phone and joins Namjoon on the sofa.

“Should be around 30 minutes.” He gets comfortable and grabs a large blanket to settle under. He offers Namjoon the blanket as well, and he accepts, getting comfortable.

“What do you want to watch?” He asks Y/N. He pauses a second. “What genres do you like?”

“Ooh, I love horror and comedy. I’m always down for a classic supernatural horror or a rom com. OH, but I have a huge soft spot for action movies with huge robots or monsters.” Y/N turns to Namjoon. “What about you?”

“I like dramas and science fiction. That's interesting, I never knew you were a horror fan. Wouldn’t quite peg you for someone who likes that stuff.” He tilts his head. Y/N laughs.

“Yeah? Well surprise, this pretty boy listens to heavy metal and screamo, likes horror, and listens to true crime podcasts.” He winks. “I’m not as innocent as I look, you know.”

The two of them end up finding a science fiction/horror movie about astronauts going into space with a dangerous alien on board. About 20 minutes into the movie, Namjoon notices how quiet it has gotten and looks over to find Y/N falling asleep.

Geez, must still be feeling the effects of yesterday.

He smiles as he watches him slowly nod his head, repeatedly catching himself just to nod off again. He leans forward and gently grabs Y/N’s shoulders, helping him lean back into the sofa rather than leaning forward and nearly falling off. Y/N lets him and ends up leaning back on Namjoon’s shoulder, making himself comfortable. Namjoon can feel his breaths as Y/N basically falls into his lap asleep. Namjoon is startled but doesn't want to move him, so he just puts his left arm around him and tries to focus on the movie. He can’t stop his eyes from being drawn to Y/N’s head in his lap, however, and he finds himself subconsciously bringing his right hand to Y/N’s head and stroking his hair. The funny feeling is in his chest again.

Suddenly, the movie has a jumpscare, and Y/N jolts up from his slumber, looking at the screen. He is still on his side, but now has his arms on Namjoon’s lap and is turned over. He stays like this for a moment before realizing that he is indeed on Namjoon’s lap. He turns to Namjoon and quickly sits up.

“Ah, sorry haha. I can’t believe I fell asleep.” Namjoon swears he can see him blushing.

“No worries. You looked adorable. Uh, comfortable! You looked comfortable.” Namjoon catches himself, hoping Y/N won’t think anything of it. Y/N just smiles. They sit in silence, just looking at each other. Namjoon doesn’t know if it is him or Y/N or both of them, but they seem to be a lot closer now than their faces were five minutes ago. They draw closer to each other in what feels like slow motion. Heat rises up in Namjoon’s chest.

They are interrupted by the ring of the doorbell. They both blink, seemingly snapping out of whatever trance they were just in.

“I uh, I'll go get that.” Y/N hurriedly stands up to get the door.

What was just about to happen?? Namjoon’s thoughts raced. His stomach felt like butterflies had invaded and his head was a balloon. Did he and Y/N just, almost kiss? Did he want them to kiss? He shook his head, trying to clear his head as Y/N walks over with a brown paper bag.

“Food has arrived! Almost 20 minutes late, that is.” He sighs and places the food on the table. “We might finish the movie before we finish our food.” He laughs. They silently agree to act like the situation previously never happened and dig into the food. The night goes on and they start another movie, and eventually the other boys arrive and everyone re-unites to talk about their days.

“Yoongi almost fell in the water. He fell asleep with the pole and got a huge bite, it almost pulled him in!” Jin laughs, retelling the scene.

“It ended up taking my bait.” Yoongi smiles. They obviously had fun.

“Taehyung and Jungkook had an argument and almost got us all lost hiking.” Jimin tattles on the two youngest members.

“I don’t want to start the argument all over again, but I’m just saying, I knew where I was going!” Jungkook whined.

“Yeah, that’s why you had to keep asking where we were on the map.” Taehyung gives him a playful punch on the shoulder.

“We got out safely though. We saw a lot of deer and wildlife.” Hoseok chimes in.

“We had a good time too! The museum was practically empty, so we had the whole place to ourselves.” Y/N explains their time at the museum. “It was really great!”

“Hey, let’s all do something tomorrow. It’s been forever since all 8 of us hung out.” Hoseok chimes in. “We could go to a club and get drinks.”

“I hope you’re thinking about the evening then, not the day.” Yoongi laughs. “Let’s not be day drinkers and end up smashed again.”

“We could all go to karaoke and dinner, then go to the club. That way we have food in our stomachs first.” Taehyung suggests.

“Sure. I’m always down to see rapper Jin show us up.” Namjoon laughs, referencing the last time they did group karaoke.

“Better watch out, i’ll be in the rapline soon enough!” Jin widens his eyes at Namjoon. They all laugh.

“Cool, we will meet at the arcade around 4 then?” Y/N asks. The other 7 members all agree.

Namjoon yawns.

“I’m gonna turn in guys, still tired from yesterday.” He glances at Y/N. “You were practically sleeping through the movie, so I suggest you go to bed too.” He laughs, then suddenly remembers the strange moment that happened earlier between him and Y/N. He thinks he remembers too because he sees him turn away.

“Haha, yeah, I'm pretty tired too. I had fun today, and I’m glad we all have this weekend off to spend together. Get some rest y'all.”

“Get out of here with your english slang.” Jungkook jokes with Y/N and stands up too. He gets up and makes his way to his room. The other members each respectively say their goodnights and head to their own rooms as well.

Namjoon lies in bed for a while, unable to sleep. The day keeps on replaying in his head like clips from a movie. Seeing Y/N walk around the museum and how pretty he was, him staring out the window at the cafe and his face so close to Namjoon’s on the couch. Namjoon brings his hands to his face.

What is happening to me?

Never before has he had these feelings for another man, let alone someone he has known for most of his life already.

Is it really okay to think about him like that?

He shakes his head, catching himself. It’s not like he was doing anything wrong. To be fair, if anyone looked at Y/N and tried to say he wasn’t a cute boy, they'd be lying. It’s only natural. Plus, it’s not like anything actually happened between them today. Namjoon feels a twinge of guilt.

Why do I feel guilty for having these feelings?

Namjoon rolls over, head full of thoughts. Eventually, he drifts off to sleep, thinking of rays of sunshine reflecting off silky hair and sparkling eyes.

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(Meanwhile, in Y/N's room...)

Y/N is lying down on his carpet floor when Jimin walks into his room and sits next to him.

“So, what’s up with you?” He pokes Y/N in the side. “You’re ‘tired,’ huh?”

Y/N frowns, not looking at Jimin yet.

“Yes. I’m allowed to be tired.” He rolls over and pokes Jimin back. “Are you here to lecture me about something?”

Jimin sighs.

“Look, Y/N, we basically share one brain cell. I can tell when something is up with you. You always help me when I come to you. Now spill.”

Y/N groans and sits up reluctantly.

“Is Namjoon acting differently lately?” He poses the question that has been on his mind all day. “When we were hanging out he seemed off, lost in thought or something. I’m worried about what happened during that interview.”

Jimin tsks at Y/N.

“Of course, you aren’t worried about yourself, but someone else. Look, if you are that concerned, maybe you should go ask him. I’m sure he would appreciate it.” He pats Y/N’s knees. “He did seem off. I gotta admit, I’m a bit concerned too. I think it’s best you ask though, you’re good at these things.” Y/N nods, looking at the ground. Jimin tilts his head. “Aaaand you still have shit on your mind. What else is up?”

Y/N smiles.

“You just can’t cut me a break, huh?”

“Absolutely not. Come on, lay it on me. I’m a secure secret keeper, I swear by our twinship.”

“More like we just happen to have the same birthday and year, not exactly twins.” Y/N laughs. “Plus, I'm older by like, 2 hours.”

“Ah, you're stalling! Hurry up and tell me what's wrong before I use twin telepathy on you.” They both laugh.

“I don’t know. It’s just…” Y/N looks at the wall for a moment, searching for the right words. “Hanging out with Namjoon today felt so different. I mean, we are around each other every day. We all are. But something changed.”

“Could it be you are finally realizing your super mega gay crush on him?” Jimin smirks.

“Whaaaaaaaat?” Y/N’s head snaps to meet Jimin’s with a taken aback look.

“Oh my fucking god Y/N, you have been crushing on him since we debuted, you CANNOT be this stupid.” He puts his hands on Y/N’s shoulders. “You wrote about him in all your letters home for crying out loud.”

Y/N blushes and stutters.

“W-well, I wrote about all of you-”

“Yeah, but not like you wrote about Namjoon. And how about all the times you would fall after he did in practice so he didn’t feel bad? All the times you’d fix things right after he broke them so people don’t find out? Don’t act like you don’t!” Jimin is satisfied when Y/N cups his hands to his face.

“Oh god, was it always that obvious?” He says through his hands.

“Not to Namjoon. The man has an IQ of 148 but is somehow thick as a brick.” He smiles at Y/N. “Honestly, I think he may not be as straight as you think he is.”

Y/N looks up, betraying his curious face.

“Huh? What makes you say that?”

“Well if you also weren’t so absolutely in your own head, you would notice how you make him smile so much. He thinks you are adorable.” Jimin teases Y/N, who blushes and hides into his hands again.

“You don’t know that, you are just making assumptions to tease me.”

“Somewhat, but I also believe that man is not straight.”

“Come ON, he is such a simp for Megan The Stallion.”

“Oh, so you’re promoting bi erasure now?” Jimin lightly punches Y/N in the side. “Plus, he basically worships Anderson Paak. And you have to admit, he treats you a bit differently. There could be something there, you never know.”

“How would that even work? Two members of BTS getting together, the fans would lose their shit. Plus, I don’t think it's even allowed.”

“Who says? The company is literally ours. Plus, you wouldn't have to be public about it. Fans will make assumptions anyways. You yourself have seen the ao3 pages and wattpad fanfictions. At this point there is a fanfic for each and every one of us together.” He shudders as if recalling a memory. “I will never forget some of those… I should have left my curiosity to rot.”

Y/N laughs.

“Holy fucking shit do they love putting you and JK in the omegaverse.”

“I still can’t believe Tae got us to read those. I have never been the same man since.” He laughs and then regains his train of thought. “Anyways my point is, don’t worry so much. Things will work out. Just keep being yourself and if something happens, great! If not, oh well. We will survive.” He opens his arms and beckons Y/N to hug him.

“Thanks Jimin. You always know how to help me organize my brain.”

“I know, I know, you can praise me later.” They hug for a second. “No matter what, we will always be a family. All eight of us.”

“I know. I’m so grateful.”

“Even if one of us is fucking the leader.”

“Ugh, you perv!!” Y/N punches Jimin.

“Ouchh, don't take out your frustration on me, save that for Joon! Ack-” He is cut off when Y/N punches him again.

“And now you have overstayed your welcome. I don’t approve of perverts in my room, get out before I pepper spray you!” Y/N stands up and drags Jimin to his feet, pushing him to the door.

“Haha okay okay, i'll leave. You know you love me.” Jimin peeks his head from behind the door, trying to act cute.

“Less and less by the second. Now goodnight.” Y/N closes the door slowly, forcing Jimin to move his head.

“G’night hyung!!” He is heard jogging to his own room.

“Night Jimin.” Y/N sighs and falls on his bed. He stares at the ceiling, thinking about the day and what to do next.

Nothing has changed, so I shouldn’t change. Just keep doing your thing.

Y/N reassures himself. He then thinks of Namjoon.

I should check on him tomorrow. I’ll keep an eye on him while we hang out, just to make sure he is all right.

He sighs and turns to his side. Eventually, he drifts to sleep.

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Stay tuned, Jae loves you <3

51 notes · View notes

spotsupstuff · 5 months

Text

Iterators, of course, aren't made capable of resting. They are here to work.

Even if biological to a degree, the components of the Hiveminds either take careful turns for a shut eye or they work themselves to death from exhaustion. Terrifying-, is Three Sparrows' opinion on that, -but they can't live any differently. Just like moths without mouths or crazed fish fighting against the streams of oceans, that's just how their Cycles are predetermined.

But there's these few rare days... Especially with the newer Iterators- those that are still chugging through life like newborn rain deer fawns, unsure in their existence, a little too vulnerable- when they slow down for a thorough, long debug session.

For the citizens this means a little dimmer day. A little bit of detoxification from screens as nonessential devices shut down or receive far too little power from the hearts of the Iterator. As those beats slow down and the energy that does get generated from them is more focused internally.

For her, as his Mechanic, this means an especially busy couple of days. Anxiety inducing ones, too.

First thing in the morning of the first day, Sparrows sends her charge a question- "how did the debug start up go?"- then remembers that the drama queen that is Caper of Euros does not wish to be bothered to formulate as horrendous things as whole words at this stage, because, in his words: "You don't understand just how *draining* it is to put together syllables in such a state!". So she adds a little unprofessional "doin good?" supplement message right after.

It takes unnaturally long for him to respond (twenty whole seconds!!!) with a singular checkmark. She breathes a sigh of relief and allows herself to go about her day now.

The city of Ales keeps relatively quiet. The typical churn of energy, cogs and thoughts of a behemoth beneath her feet is near silent even in the depths of the inner subway system. The traffic lights blink a little slower, the fake birds overhead sing just that tad bit louder. The children freed from school thanks to the low current bump into her by accident as they chase each other through the city square. Three Sparrows clutches her breakfast, gives the little rascals some mock chase with her fist waving in the air and then she sits down to finally scorf that food down.

First day is the hardest. This one is dedicated to check ups of the hearts, gravity generators and the memory arrays. All of that is functioning at its bare minimum right now and she better make use of that! Less thunderous beats for her body to weather even through the suit specialized for this, less frustrating fights against complete antigravity and less train of thoughts for her to derail by accidentally bumping into the softer bits of his mind.

She won't get to really interact with Euros today- or well... at least he won't be able to respond much to her day's worth of effort like he'd usually do. It's still strange to think of that. Running all around someone's body yet not actually properly interacting. This job forces a person through so many paradigm shifts... It gets exhausting to change one's understanding of simply *being* so many times.

So today she ensures his hearts are without a single scratch. That the Void Fluid trapped inside of the water is still spinning right (that part is always needlessly scary. the Void stuff can't be trusted, no matter how holy the preachers say it is, Three Sparrows on a Wire doesn't give a damn). She checks all the cables and tubes surrounding them, the antigravity generators solely dedicated to only this giant chamber all the while trying to keep her own little heart from panicking at the loud noise.

Manually she visits all the major generators sprinkled through the facility and runs diagnostics on the lesser ones through her watch. She amputates and treats the biological parts of the arrays that need it, tells hi to a sleepy yet determined Inspector that came to check it out, pries neuron flies out of weird places they somehow managed to wedge themselves into and takes a peek into Euros' mental state as per regulations.

She already knows his priority list won't make the demanded norms. Her own name shines at her from the first spot, forcing all too familiar self-blame to bloom in her chest. With a swipe of a finger, the screen disappears. Her final report will have lies in it again, then. Nobody can know.

At 23:11, fifteen hours since the beginning of the work day, Three Sparrows stumbles out of the stuffy biomechanical guts of her boyfriend without popping into the puppet chamber once absolutely destroyed.

"Oh, I always forget how sweet the evening air is. Void below, wow," she says, taking a deep breath before dragging herself home.

Aching limbs force her to skip normal dinner for easier-to-prepare and consume nutritional supplements, but they don't manage to stop her from making it to the daily family call. Or from quietly hacking into Euros' systems afterwards.

There's a spike of panic in the entire Hivemind, according to the live diagnostic program running on her watch and she looks on as his systems reach for the firewalls he unconsciously dropped alongside his damn heart rate (most likely, she has yet to catch the moment when he actually drops them). Three Sparrows can't help but grin to herself a little as she turns off her computer's cloaking *just* before the firewalls reactivate. The recognition of her IP address is instantaneous- telling by the sudden stop of Euros' frantic efforts at self-defense.

At least for a few seconds. Then he's rapidly purging her out and slamming the firewalls back into their place behind her. She barely manages to burst into laughter and her watch already pings with a new message. Message in question? Only reads a singular period.

But oh, those few pixels somehow manage to obtain all the dramatic affront, anger and disbelief a typical Euros rant would have. It only makes her laugh harder.

When she finally wills herself to stop, lest she gets a headache, she replies: "when will you finally remember to *not* become a sitting mouse for hackers during your debugging. you dumbass you!"

Euros replies with another period.

"watch out for yourself, ok? just bc im tots willing to break a guys face in the name of keeping your giant eight legged box butt safe doesnt mean im exactly itching for that kinda situation" "now good luck during the night. i gotta go take a five everything hurts"

Two periods and a second later, a heart.

Sparrows smiles at the screen a little, turns off her computer and climbs into the soft bed sheets.

The next day flies by a little easier. This one is dedicated to check ups of technologies related to production of the biological Hivemind members. There's quite a lot of those scattered through the whole body of Caper of Euros, but at least the hearts are beating a little faster today which means the gravity generators everywhere are stronger and that again means Sparrows gets to call upon an Inspector to hitch a ride with it for the whole day. No solo swimming in 0g this time!

All the production centres end up being more or less perfectly fine. Any damage caused by use is miniscule enough to not matter and be fixed naturally in a matter of days. As it should be with all Iterators out of their test run phases.

A small feeling of pride settles warmly behind her ribs. Another thing she can be almost certain to check off the long long list of her duties as a Mechanic, another Euros' step towards being completely self-dependent and, for the lack of biomechanical term on an Iterator scale, fully mature.

He's progressing despite small hiccups here and there and she couldn't be happier.

Though, one thing she will admit.

As she gives her goodbye to today's guide, Sparrows just can't wait for this day to be over. It won't be admitted aloud, especially where Euros could hear her, but she's starting to painfully miss their usual interactions.

Sure, today her interactions with him were... "closer" than yesterday, but it still wasn't it.

Another dissonance. Even being near something more closer to her level than the entirety of his physical body is not exactly a direct mutual interaction. The Inspector nuzzled to her, held her, clicked at her in some attempts at communication. And it was Euros, but... also just such a small piece of him.

So small, that it almost borders on meaningless. But it hurts to think of anything with such personality and role in the grand scheme of him as meaningless so she quickly shakes that thought out of her head.

It is strange. But she doesn't mind calling the *puppet* meaningless. That thing is what her heart yearns for now, whose embrace she's currently missing- its carmine coloration and big dark lenses are what her eyes are searching for. And still, the cynical and rational part of her dubs that piece useless without an issue.

Because the puppets are useful with their emptiness. The uselessness makes them precious, paradoxically enough.

She's even writing a paper on this subject, questioning if the existence of these masks or decoys- essentially inherent lies- are really so important. So naturally, her thoughts spiral further as she's walking back into his facilities during the third day.

Today is deep puppet chamber maintenance day. A whole day dedicated to the bullshit.

In her paper, Three Sparrows argues that puppets are installed more for the sake of the Anemon population more than the Iterators themselves. In the grand scheme of things, can it be said that these priorities will pay out?

Yes, certainly, there are aspects to puppets that are helpful for the Iterators themselves too. Mainly that the relatively little things are the central focus point of the Hivemind- a means for the entirety of the scattered person to come together and form an Individuality seamlessly.

'But,' she asks, 'isn't That a condition Created by The Puppet's Existence? If We direct Our Attention to the Iterator Inconvenient Sporadic Change, she was known to exist Outside of her Individuality Without Complications! Research shows that she performed just as well if not better in Her Duties than the other Iterators of Her Time Period- which, if I May remind The Reader Kindly, are some Monumental Names. Better output than that of Boreas' Blessing, Orion's Pathway and even The Dedicated Aftertaste of Disdain.

Her Processes proved to be Seamless, Direct, Quicker. Reports are Also Kind Enough to mention the Need for Maintenance- Be it Physical, Psychological or Emotional- was at a sweet Minimum.

If a Puppet of an Iterator Should not be Given, is it Possible that the Hivemind would find a Different, Healthier Way of Coming Together? Of My educated Opinion, I'd dare to Say Yes.

The Consciousness would have the Free Choice of expanding Outwards, to the Limits of the Superstructure, rather than Claustrophobically Inwards. This Change of Procedure would Potentially Result in Absence of These known Disorders that Plague Your Great Gifts to the World:'

Then there is also of course the benefit of pearl reading and printing, but really? Her computer doesn't need a whole person just to burn her a picture, song or some text into the surface of a pearl and then also read it back. This function of the puppets is a weakness if anything. Why not exchange the entire chamber setup for something like a series of pearl readers so they might as well multitask in this, too?

Euros certainly could be reading twenty pearls at once and burning information onto thirty other, for sure. Maybe that would sate his programmed hyperactivity at least a little before he gains access to his predetermined role as a Phone Operator Chief of the Eo group.

The puppets are just a ginormous fumble at optimization of the Iterator blueprint and that's that.

And still...

Three Sparrows climbs through the pipe into Caper of Euros' puppet chamber. This place is like another heart, despite its function being nothing like a real one. A hub of his mind, maybe. An important, precious piece of him, even if those epithets are forced onto it by circumstance.

Her feet hit the floor and the chamber brightens up just that bit to signal at least a piece of his attention is now dedicated to the happenings within the room, but stays deep carmine instead of turning light pink. That signals he's still working, just as she instructed him.

Overseers come and go to take a look at her, some stay to watch her. Understandable, since the puppet is slumped over in the middle of the floor, sitting with its eyes half closed- for once, he is the one frustratingly limited in his ability to interact with her properly even though she's right here.

"Good morning, Caps!" Sparrows cheerfully calls into the more or less empty room, giving the Overseers a quick salute in greeting. They reply with quick spins of their tendrils, the room itself greets her back with a pleased purr. One that she can feel shaking her legs even through the metal soles of her boots as she walks over to today's main point of interest.

Kneeling next to it, she rests a hand over its chest in support. "Alright. As always, we'll get through the detachment sequence and you can go fully back to finishing off the debugging. How close are you to being done?"

Something whirrs and then a projection appears on the wall in front of her of a progress bar. 87%.

"Nice! You are getting faster. Come on now, then."

During a deep maintenance of the puppet, it is advised to nearly fully disconnect it from the rest of the structure. The purpose of that is to give the systems some rest, but also to avoid stressing out or making the Hivemind uncomfortable by sticking a hand into what it perceives as its very personal very own chest.

The first step is for the Hivemind to pull back from the body, to avoid the shock of forceful extraction. Once that is done, the Iterator disconnects the umbilical arm from the back and allows the Mechanic to slowly push it away. Carefulness is needed during this- the arm contains cables and tubes, acting like an umbilical cord for an unborn offspring in some animals.

The baby analogy never fails to make her skin crawl. While Anemons conceive children without such things, it's still so... personal. It stirs unwanted feelings inherent to intelligent organic beings, the need to look after a child. These puppets are like stillborns. Stuck within the womb for the "mother" to use as an extension of its being.

That is not a matter easily pondered.

The next step, after the bundle of crucial cords safely rests on the ground, is to disconnect the umbilical cables from the back of the puppet's head.

One by one, Sparrows disconnects them. And with the last, Euros' puppet goes slack against her hand. Quite unnerving, that. It always makes her heart jump even though she knows better than to worry.

She secures the umbilical cables to the arm and pulls back to take a look at him, both arms supporting his shoulders. The head lolls, eyes still open a little yet unseeing. Something whispers that's not right, so she guides his eyelids closed for him.

...Iterators can't sleep. But the useless piece of Euros looks like he does and suddenly she can't help but feel like this is the most important thing in existence.

The something in her shifts, the something that is yearning, loving, that wants to take care of another and keep him safe from the sharp world outside.

Sparrows caves. Gathers the puppet into her arms, rests his head against her shoulder. The chamber lowly, but sharply whirrs. He's probably annoyed that she has decided to be all cuddly and sweet now when he can't be fully present for it. What little consciousness he can still muster in the puppet presents itself in the tiniest nuzzle of his face into her neck.

Such a small gesture, yet it steals her breath away. She hugs him... it.. closer, cheek presses against his forehead, a hand moves to caress the side of his face.

She marvels at the feeling of holding him. Questions why she is left stumped by an almost empty thing.

He's sleeping, face buried against her neck, says the something- he is awake, just a little drowsy, staring at her with seven eyes across the room, replies reason.

She cradles him in her lap… he's so thin and light, the feeling begs her to keep him safe until he wakes up again, he wouldn't be able to defend himself against a predator-! He holds her in his center, so small and insignificant compared to his mind breaking vastness.. her life span so minute compared to what he is yet to live through. Someone of his caliber wouldn't find a challenge in simply deleting her like a line of code.

'The only thing keeping me truly safe are the taboos woven in their genes,' says the cynical piece of mind, jaded by decades of unkind life and all tired, entertaining the absolute worst of scenarios for the sake of a warning. 'I couldn't be in a safer place than here, at his mercy, in this artificial world where he might as well be a true god,' says the lovesick heart backed up by years of experience, making her arms tighten in a hug.

She caresses his arm, taking a note of the bit too dry skin, created similarly enough to her own to bring comfort of familiarity, only to be snatched away again when there's no softness of flesh beneath.

'That's just a Generation 2 thing,' the knowledgeable mind shrugs it off.

And the more primal worrywart of a heart panics about it as it applies organic understanding of things to it. Remembering the few times Sparrows was allowed to touch Boreas' puppet, the many times Zephyr pulled her against her side for the night. Those are his family members! They are padded with something pliable-

Cushioning of Generation 1 to combat possible gravity generator outages. There's more certainty in the Iterator engineering now, Euros has no need for those. He's better off than either of them. He's safer and, terrifyingly, many times more loved than them.

She sighs, concerned and-

"Sparrows?"

Ah, that seems to be the limit for how long Euros is willing to take the actionless silence. The voice is relatively quiet considering it always echoes through the little room from the speakers seated in the corners of the ceiling. It's kind of sluggish. Not entirely out of the concentration of debugging. The Overseers have come closer.

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

"Sure you were. Your face went on quite the journey there. Why were you frowning so much?"

She considers. "...dissension of... wants and reality, I guess."

"Well then don't go doing that when I can't feasibly help out. Same with the cuddles I want in on that."

Three Sparrows only rolls her eyes in amusement at that and goes back to work, this time with the Overseers watching her a bit more intently. It's a little uncomfortable, but she can't blame him for worrying when she does so constantly.

Later that day, when the sun hides away, her gaze lingers in random places.

In the kitchen at the table with one chair, one plate and one cup of tea. She stares at the too much space on the couch in the little living room, one toothbrush waiting at the sink, the empty place beside her in the bed.

Perhaps an Iterator puppet isn't the only empty thing in her life.

#rw #oc: three sparrows #oc: caper of euros #oc tag #philosophy sessions au #my writing #inspired by the need to have sparrows cradle a sleepy caper puppet despite her opinions on puppets #the fight of mind's opinions and heart's instinctual opinions.... oh the inner discord #mind: puppets are basically appendixes. Useless. | heart: That Is My Fuckin Boy!!! my LOVERBOY. i protect partner... get awae from him...#kinda a sad ending but what can you do. rw is tragedy adjacent and iterators are actual literal tragedies. their existence Sucks

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