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minami-ff · 5 months

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Forbidden Tension

Captain Levi x Reader

Levi tried very hard to dismiss his intrusive thoughts and behaviour. He struggled whenever you were around - from feeling instinctively drawn to stealing glances at you, to the way his heart inexplicably freezes when you’d face minor attacks from titans.

The more time he spent around you, the more he grew to admire you. He noticed the way you’d express your intellectual opinion in an authoritative yet gentle manner. Your swift and delicate hands when you sewed his wounds close. Not to mention how fast you picked up combat skills with a rare talent for it.

Levi felt an emotional connection growing strongly as well. Sometimes in the quiet moments after missions when it was just the two of you, casual conversations lingered. Your laughter resonating in the air, and Levi finding himself captivated by the genuine warmth in your smile. It frustrated his righteousness and responsibility as a captain when he realised how much he looked forward to having these conversations with you. He was never one to care about what anyone thought of him, except when it came to you. He’d sometimes wonder how you perceived him… not as a captain, but as a person.

As weeks passed, training sessions became a stage for unspoken tension. When you two spar, it’s always a walk in the park for his physical strength that surpasses that of anyone else. Levi’s movements were usually steadfast and precise, but this time his eyes held a fleeting vulnerability when they suddenly met your soft gaze. You instantly realised, using the opportunity to lock his knee and throw him to the ground. With your forearm pressing against his chest and thigh pinning his down, two pairs of nervous yet eager eyes locked for perhaps a reality of 3 seconds, which felt like an hour.

Oftentimes, when his eyes would make contact with yours, his would linger... longer than necessary. Everyone knew the stoic captain’s stare to hold a chill that cuts through the warmth of any gaze. But to you, when he’d look at you, it was like a subtle dance between the fading daylight and the impending night. Truth be told, you fancied him from the moment you joined his team. But aware of the implications, you always masked your burgeoning feelings behind a façade of professionalism.

Though the captain sensed an underlying tension between the two of you, he was determined to keep the thoughts he had about you hidden. Duty remained an ever-present shadow over the internal struggle of yearning for more. So he spoke to you, and about you, only when he had to.

By your second year on the team, it became significantly noticeable to the rest of the team and a popular hearsay. One night, you entered Levi’s dimly lit quarters upon his request, eager to share your mission discoveries. As you jumped straight into discussing battle strategies, his typically rigid demeanour softened for a moment, looking downwards as he said, "Your ideas are very valuable, y/n.” An uncomfortable pause filled the air, “but I called you here today to initiate a different conversation. One that I have been wrong to keep avoiding." His eyes shifting back to yours, “one about us.”

Your eyes widened, not ready for this conversation that inevitably had to occur. The weight of unexpressed emotions hung in the air. A flicker of something more bounced off the walls in this quiet corner. Levi hesitated, fingers tracing the edge of a map as he sought the right words. Then admitted, "This life is unpredictable. We can't afford distractions." You understood the weight of his words, but your heart still dropped, knowing that the moments you yearned for were forbidden.

#Levi #levi aot #levi attack on titan #captain levi #levi ackerman #levi x reader #levi x you #levi heichou #levi x y/n #aot #aot x reader #aot fanfiction #attack on titan #forbidden love #tension #slow burn

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starastrologyy · 2 years

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Astrology Observations♟

Please do not repost any of my work on other social media platforms 🤍

Edit: please note that I’m attempting to be very neutral and I have not stated my personal opinions on her. However, Nicki Minaj is the PERFECT example of the effects of having a Scorpio Midheaven! People are obsessed with her. For better or for worse. The ‘Barbz’ have literally stabbed people, and beat up someone’s mother over her. Whilst, many musicians, and people in general cannot stand her, because they feel like she’s a bully. She is someone who is extremely polarizing. People become unhinged trying to defend her , whilst others enjoy the fact that there are large groups of people who strongly dislike her. This is the result of having a Scorpio Midheaven in a nutshell.

Whilst having Venus conjunct the Ascendant is often associated with “good looks” I actually think that it really helps with your reputation, and how people perceive you. I will use celebrity examples! Selena Gomez has an Aries Moon (this isn’t shade to Aries moons) and her mercury makes very difficult aspects (squares Pluto/ opposes Saturn) Thus, one would assume she’d be controversial or well known for her temper/outbursts & tendency to attract conflict. But the opposite is actually true, anyone who is perceived to be “shading” her immediately gets attacked, as most people think she’s very kind and genuine. Whilst she has admitted that her relationship with Justin was mutually toxic, most people just can’t seem to see her as the aggressor. Her Venus makes a conjunction to her Ascendant. Beyoncé, Rihanna, Anna Nicole Smith,Angelina Jolie are more celebrities with this placement. What I’m essentially trying to say is, people tend to give you more grace when your Venus makes a conjunction to your natal Ascendant.

It’s common to see people who have the ruler of their 5th house placed in the 10th monetize a creative hobby. Their career often involves making use of one of their creative/artistic skills. Working in the entertainment industries is very common with this placement. Working with children in some way, is also a possibility.

Libra on the 9th house cusp can suggest you studied law, political science, or anything that involves diplomacy at college. Alternatively, you could have trained to become an esthetician or a cosmetologist.

Chiron, Pluto, Mars & Saturn in the 11th house culture is rarely feeling as if your ‘friends’ have your best interests at heart. Having any of these planets in the 11th house can be extremely isolating! It can cause you to feel alone, or perhaps as if you struggle to find a group of people that you resonate with (on a friendship level).

A solar return year in which you have many 8th house placements, will be a year in which you experience many “life changing” moments. Most people fear having planets in the 8th house in their solar return, so they opt to travel to a different location on their birthday. However, I feel like this isn’t necessary! Change and transformation doesn’t always have to be viewed as bad! Sometimes we need change to elevate us in life.

A while ago, an Astrologer on YouTube stated that whenever she sees a Gemini rising, or Gemini placements in a composite chart, she automatically thinks there is cheating involved. I don’t know how I feel about this sentiment. She explained that because of the Dual nature of of the Sign Gemini; it more often than not represents a third party, or external influences that are influencing the relationship. I see where she’s coming from, but I don’t necessarily think it’s wise to always interpret it like that. I personally believe the aspects that are being made in the composite chart will tell you a lot more about what it’s likely to occur in the relationship. If there are tons of squares to Mercury, Venus, Neptune, Saturn & the chart ruler, I’m more inclined to believe that there is the potential for deception.

People with Juno in the 12th or a Pisces Descendent, often have a subconscious “savior complex”. They are usually highly compassionate, and might find that they have a tendency to attract people who have been wounded by life or those who lack boundaries.

A solar return year, in which you have planets in the 2nd,8th, & 11th houses, also known as the “money houses” can suggest that you will earn or receive a large amount of money that year. Alternatively, you may experience a significant change in your financial situation. You want to look at the aspects of course! (Trines & sextiles are more likely to manifest positively, whereas the conjunction can go either way).

When transit Uranus makes a square to your Natal Ascendant or Midheaven, those around you may view your newfound behavior as being strange or erratic. You are likely to go through many unpredictable changes during this transit consequently, you will start to experience changes in your personality, which will impact your relationships. You may find that you no longer resonate with the people around you, and abruptly decide to move, or make a change in your friendship circle. This is a very unpredictable time in your life, and your behavior will reflect this.

Trigger Warning: Eating Disorders (please don’t continue reading if topics like this make you uncomfortable. My intention is never to harm anyone or make anyone feel uncomfortable 🤍)

I’ve noticed that any kind of Saturnian influence over the 1st, 2nd & 6th house can bring about poor body image or restrictive tendencies when it comes to food. For example, having Saturn in the 1st, 2nd or 6th house! Or perhaps Saturn is negatively aspecting planets in those houses. Capricorn over these houses can also bring about a food complex. Obviously not everyone with Saturn in these houses will have a restrictive eating disorder, it’s just an observation so please don’t make it apply if it doesn’t 🤍

On the other hand, a Jupiterian influence on the 1st. 2nd, and 6th house can manifest as binge eating or turning to food as a coping mechanism. This can be having Jupiter in the 1st, 2nd, or 6th house. Alternatively, this dynamic can also occur when Sagittarius is over one of those houses.

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cure-icy-writes · 7 months

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Regarding the transgender and autistic coding of Octodad: Dadliest Catch.

To preface: this essay will be in two parts. One with spoilers, and one without. The spoilers will be hidden under a cut, and optional.

youtube

Octodad: Dadliest Catch is a 2014 action/adventure game in which the protagonist, known only as “Octodad”, is an octopus masquerading as a human man. If it sounds ridiculously goofy, that’s because it is. Octodad rarely takes itself seriously, and that works to its credit.

Now, before going any further, I want to take a moment to lay some groundwork for the premise of the game and how it relates to otherness. Octodad, being an octopus, is fundamentally Other. He is a nonhuman in disguise, he is living a lie, et cetera. The concept of beings that disguise themselves as human is an old one, from Greek gods seeking hospitality to changelings left behind as supernatural brood parasites. They are shapeshifters and deceivers, whose stories are born from the fear of Otherness. And more often than not, these beings have malicious intent.

But Octodad, fundamentally, does not. He is a loving father and husband who hides his identity out of fear. He is Other, and this otherness isn’t portrayed as predatory or evil in any way. And viewing this story through the lens of Octodad, controlling his actions, the player gets to know a little bit about him.

Back to the trailer— Octodad’s gameplay is showcased, and it’s immediately obvious that the control scheme isn’t exactly typical. Players must control each limb individually, resulting in sloppy, uncoordinated movements. Octodad stumbles through the grocery store, across a play set, leaving destruction in his wake. He isn’t trying to make a mess, unlike a certain goose, but rather, this is the natural result of what he is. He’s literally a fish out of water— and yes, he is a fish if you’re pedantic enough about cladistics, which I am going to be for the sake of this metaphor.

The control scheme is deliberately messy, a stylistic choice that forces the player to constantly remember that Octodad is something Other, and the resulting mistakes have consequences. The levels are designed in such a way that even an experienced player will have to make a mess at times, and it comes with a sense of shame— after all, a normal protagonist could do this. Mario could platform his way through this grocery store with no problem! But Octodad can’t. He slips on banana peels and breaks open crates and spills fruit all over the linoleum. And the UI forces you to be constantly aware of when others are watching, furthering that sense of shame.

The game won’t punish you for slipping up sometimes. But the mess you’ve made, the judgmental gazes of the NPCs, will. You are an imposter, facing a constant uphill battle to perform difficult and unnatural tasks that are effortless for the humans around you. They cannot see that you’re an octopus. They do not know that you’re an octopus. So long as you are wearing your suit, no one can tell, even with the tentacles and bulbous head and suckers on your limbs. But they can see your mistakes, and your failures.

How does that relate to autism and transgenderism? Well, let’s start with autism, since the transgender coding is mostly in story spoiler territory, while the autism is largely in the gameplay mechanics. Autism is a pretty broad spectrum, and it’s difficult to point at something and definitively call it autistic-coded when the autistic experience varies so drastically from person to person. But Octodad and his Otherness, even as a silly octopus, strongly parallels autistic masking.

Octodad’s enforced sense of shame strongly resonates with the autistic experience— constantly aware of eyes on you, always messing up because no one explained the rules to you properly, or struggling with sensory issues or executive dysfunction when everyone is trying to convince you that your experiences are normal and you’re just being dramatic. And in that sense, it’s cathartic to see Octodad, because he is unmistakably and undeniably Other. You cannot say “Oh, honey, everyone’s a little octopus, you’re just not trying hard enough,” to an octopus the way that neurotypicals often do with autistic people. You cannot deny him his Otherness which causes his struggles.

Remember the changeling story I mentioned earlier? Changeling myths and autism are inextricably connected, and far too often, they demonize autism. The problem with trying to define humanity in a way that excludes imposters that pretend to be human is that you will inevitably end up excluding and hurting people, particularly those who are neurodivergent, queer, disabled, or otherwise in a minority. So, if you cannot define humanity without excluding humans from the definition, then it serves to reason that broadening your scope will include non-humans. And this is portrayed as an unambiguously good thing, to acknowledge the humanity of an octopus.

Real life isn’t like Among Us, where the imposters are murderous freaks who unhinge their jaws and chomp off the top half of their fellow crewmates before hopping into the vents. Sometimes, they’re scared people who go through life hurting because they tried to be normal until they forgot who they were.

And now, let’s examine the story and talk about the further coding it contains. The first thing that catches my attention is Octodad’s morning routine— coffee. It seems innocuous at first, but it’s later revealed that this is the only reason Octodad has the ability to walk upright, because he’s constantly self-medicating with caffeine.

There’s a very domestic portion of the game where you see just how much Octodad adores his family, he does the chores for his wife whom he loves a lot, and then— he survives a couple murder attempts. His neighbor knows he’s an octopus, is a chef at the local grocery store, and is the main antagonist of the game. He breaks down the fence between their yards with some sort of nightmarish combine-harvester machine that nearly sucks in Octodad, but the situation is resolved quickly enough. Then, just a little later in the day, he goes out to the grocery store, where the chef finds him and chases him with a knife, threatening to turn him into moderately priced sushi. Interestingly, though, is the fact that Octodad seems more worried about his wife finding out than the fact that he’s an octopus than the threats on his life. We don’t know how often these happen, but he just brushes this off and hopes to keep up the masquerade a little longer. He has to be human, he has to be normal in order to be loved, and nearly dying alone to his murderous neighbor is a small price to pay. And… it’s sad, honestly.

The real meat of the game, though, is at the aquarium. Octodad is frankly terrified of this place, but he can’t tell his wife why. There was a scene that stuck with me— it’s meant to introduce you to the fact that the Biologist enemies are a threat who will recognize and out you, but it made me think about TERFs. They always claim they can spot trans people, as if there’s some secret sense for it, as if a world in which women are subject to random and invasive genital inspections is somehow better than a world where the lady in the bathroom stall next to you is standing up to pee.

After getting through the first part of the museum, Octodad has to find each member of his family and do some minigame puzzles. The kids are absolutely adorable, but what struck me was the conversation with Scarlet, as she grows frustrated with Octodad’s secrecy. He sleeps downstairs, he somehow “made more” when the printer ran out of ink, he lost a limb in a plumbing accident but it somehow grew back, and he’s keeping things from her. He won’t have an honest conversation, and she’s getting frustrated.

Take a moment to imagine the veneer of metaphor peeled away. Imagine you have been married to a man you love for ten years, but you know he’s hiding something from you. He doesn’t sleep in the same bed as you, never wanted to consummate things, and you’ve respected his privacy and consent, but he won’t explain why. He’s ecstatic about raising kids together, but he doesn’t want biological ones. There are these instances you can’t explain, like his sudden insistence on buying a shark plushie from IKEA, or the time you caught him mailing a tank top (was it a tank top, really, because you never got a good look at it) to someone and he looked guilty. You find a list of names, some of them crossed out, and wonder who these women are. He never wants to look in the mirror or have pictures taken. You love him and you want to respect his privacy, but the secrets are driving a rift between you.

Imagine it from the other side, now. You have been married to the woman you love for ten years. She doesn’t know you’re trans, and you’re terrified she’ll leave you if she finds out.. She didn’t seem to mind when you told her you didn’t want to get horizontal, but she doesn’t know it’s because sex in this body makes you dysphoric. You love your children so much, they’re the light and joy of your life, but you can’t help but wonder if your wife wanted to have them the old-fashioned way. You try to escape what you are but it’s getting harder to repress. You know she suspects something. You ended up with a binder, and sent it to someone you met online. You bought yourself a Blåhaj and you don’t know why it was that desperation had seized up in your chest when you saw it. You spent ages on name websites, looking for the perfect one, writing them down to see how they felt. You have the most amazing wife in the world and she is slipping away because you couldn’t keep pretending.

Scarlet asks Octodad to meet her at the shark tank when he’s ready to have a real conversation. And the shark tank is where things get interesting— the chef is there, waiting. He cuts off Octodad’s clothes with a cleaver, and tosses him into the tank, yelling, “Go back where you belong!”

The thing about the coding of Octodad is that it’s never a consistent one-to-one. That particular line? Could be read as immigrant coding, out of context. But then, looking at how easily he moves in the water compared to the flopping rag doll movements on land. He no longer has to mask, he no longer has to hide himself and navigate a world that is hostile and judgmental to him.

And he’s miserable. He misses his family. And he’s determined to find them, and save them from the chef. So he sets off to do exactly that.

There’s a series of objectives to complete to get there, but the one that stuck with me? Sneaking into the women’s bathroom. Granted, it’s for the purpose of going through the vents and causing a diversion in the break room, but it still strikes me that Octodad, who presents as a male human, has to sneak into the women’s restroom. And this is presented not as some scandalous affair of a peeping Tom, not a forbidden thing, but just an objective. That’s where the proper vents are, after all.

On a sillier note? You walk into the aquarium in a shark suit, and you have to cause a diversion. So now, rather than Octodad’s clumsiness being a source of shame, it’s his strength, and it’s a point of pride. He’s an octopus! He’s excellent at making messes!

And then there’s the grand finale— it’s corny and dramatic and there’s a cafeteria on fire, and the truth is out. He’s an octopus.

And Scarlet? She says she was expecting so much worse. She loves her octopus husband exactly as he is, and no matter what adjustments she has to make, she knows her family will be stronger for it. Because now, she has the chance to love her husband in his entirety, in his Otherness, and she takes it.

Octodad is a story about an octopus walking around in a suit and pretending to be a normal human man, but it’s also a story about being closeted, masking, living in fear, and finally realizing that the love remains. That there are people who will love you as you are, genuinely and truly, tentacles and all.

#octodad dadliest catch #meta analysis #video games #Youtube

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tizzypizza · 2 months

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Top 7 idol list?

I was saving this so I could draw it at some point but oh my god I am SWAMPED and can't see myself with time to do it so top list umm.

1- Shiver. I think this is self-explanatory. I love Asian women so much (I'm Asian before anyone starts raising any eyebrows) and her personality is so funny. She's incredibly theatrical and dramatic and has this big persona that she puts on that falls apart SO quickly when it comes to her friends but otherwise she is fierce!! A force to be reckoned with!! But also a sopping wet little guy.

2- Marina. I love women in STEM I LOVE women in STEM so much. My two immediate draws are like... Traditional-looking Asian woman and Smart Woman so. Marina is such a fascinating character and it's always a shame to see her so heavily uwu-ified, she's super smart and she has a lot going on besides just her attachment to Pearl!! But TBH her attachment to Pearl is part of what endeared her to me. Girl who has experienced The Horrors and is kind of a living supercomputer becomes sappy mush when Girlfriend Flashbang. She was also the one who lowkey got me into Splatoon simply by being the prettiest Nintendo character I'd ever seen as a kid.

3- Pearl. I hesitate to put Pearl above Frye because really they're super tight in my head but the only thing that knocks her up a peg is that her dialogue is a lot more fun for me to write in English (Frye talks really interestingly too! She genuinely speaks like an old man in the Japanese but that's just not reflected in the English). I love her so much because at so many moments where she could choose to be snarky or witty with Marina or anyone else, she always chooses kindness and she's always so supportive in her own spunky little way. She's so genuine and fun and silly and self assured and confident and she's so COOL. I hate drawing her hair though. I actually used to kinda hate Pearl as a kid because I fell for the forehead propaganda but I know better now.

4- Frye. LIKE I SAID in my head Frye and Pearl are tied. I love Frye she's such a sweetheart and she has such a fun fierceness about her. She cares deeply for her friends and she keeps her cool the best out of all of her friends in Deep Cut and she DANCES!! Her character design is one of the most interesting designs I've had the pleasure of drawing a shit ton of times and despite being team Shiver nearly every time I get really sad whenever she doesn't win Splatfests :( She deserves it (and tbh I think she deserved to be the leader of Deep Cut but don't @ me on that)

5- Marie. I wish I had more opinions on Marie but given that my earliest hands-on exposure to Splatoon was Sp2 when my friend used to let me walk around as her Octoling and play a little bit of Salmon Run (lost outpost my beloved wherefore art thou) and I've never played Sp1 or 2's campaign I can't really say anything about her other than I think she's really pretty. I think she's often characterized as the more flippant and low-energy one which is a cool thing to see in an idol (who are typically meant to be all smiles) but she's also really silly! She cracks a lot of jokes in the Sp3 campaign!! She's also just really cool and really pretty and white is one of my favorite colors

6- Big Man. LISTEN!!!! I LOVE HIM I REALLY DO BUT Frye-Pearl are soooo close together in my head and I feel only a little less strongly about him than Pearl but I really really love him. He's a blast to draw and honestly he's a lot more fun in the Japanese since Frye and Shiver have extremely thick accents and he's the only one who talks like Just Some Guy. He helps reign them in but he can rarely control them. He's such a lovable little dude.

7- Callie. Love the girl but I've never once resonated with her. I don't do well in the way of happy-go-lucky fun types but I don't hate her! I think she's got a lot of room to be interesting. My friend characterizes her with some flaws relating to like. Octarian prejudice which I think is pretty dope. And I'm not a huge pink fan... But I WILL say she is one of the most fun to draw.

#tiz's inbox #a loooong one #i just finished a huge assignment and i have another one i have to do which is why i am biding my time doing. irrelevant things #tiz talks

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fdelopera · 2 years

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Judaism in Moon Knight (or, How Steven Is Marc’s Emotional and Spiritual Protector)

Sooo I've been thinking a lot about Marc Spector's relationship to Judaism in the Disney+ show. This week in particular (in light of Jeremy Slater’s recent comments), I’ve been thinking about the ways that Marc has put walls between himself and his Jewishness. This is a trauma response, of course. And those of us who experience trauma have walls for a reason. As a Jewish person, I have high trauma walls in relation to my Jewishness, which is why Marc’s arc in Moon Knight resonates with me so strongly.

Marc has been disenfranchised from his Jewishness in three key ways. These are actually the pillars of Jewish identity: Believing, Behaving, and Belonging. I’ll bring more clarity to this later on.

The one thread that ties both Marc and Steven to their Judaism is the Magen David necklace that they share. And indeed, we can chart the course of Marc’s relationship to his Jewishness by following the appearances of the necklace.

When we meet Marc, he has distanced himself from most sources of connection in his life, and he states repeatedly that he wishes he could disappear. He tells Steven, “Look, when I am done, when I have repaid my debt, I swear to you, you will never see me or hear from me again.”

Jeremy Slater has spoken about how he wrote Marc as Steven's protector, but I want to challenge that as well. And that’s certainly not how Oscar was playing him.

You see, I keep coming back to a moment in Episode 2. It’s the scene where Steven stands up to Harrow and his cult.

I think this is the moment where we first witness Steven as Marc’s emotional protector, which becomes more and more evident throughout the course of the series, until Episodes 5 and 6, where Oscar makes this alter dynamic clear.

However, I believe that this scene is where we see Steven become Marc’s spiritual protector, as well. Because Steven appears to have the closest connection to their Judaism.

At the end of Episode 1, Marc presents himself to Steven (and to us) as a protector of the system. “You’re not going to die. Let me save us.”

But as we learn throughout the course of the series, Marc is really more of a trauma holder. Yes, he has military training (as well as a healing factor and a nearly indestructible suit from Khonshu), but that doesn’t necessarily equate to him having a protector role within the system.

By the end of Episode 4, we start to see the actual dynamic emerge between Marc and Steven, where Steven is Marc’s protector. Jake is a protector as well — both physical and emotional. He defends the system when Marc and Steven are in physical danger, and he also fronts when Marc is at emotional risk or in danger of self-destructing.

In Episode 2, we learn from Layla that she and Marc have been searching for Ammit’s ushabti for several years. Marc knows that what Harrow is doing is potentially world-ending. If Ammit is released, she will consume much of the earth’s population. It’s Thanos 2.0.

But Steven sees beyond the Avengers-level threat that Ammit poses. He senses the deeper nature of her existential and spiritual threat.

Ammit represents a doctrine of deterministic prejudgment. According to her philosophy, everything good or evil can be known about us from the moment that we are born. And if the bad outweighs the good, Ammit holds that we should be destroyed. She believes that we have no ability to grow or improve. We are stuck on a fixed path with no possibility for change.

This runs contrary to the concept of free will, in which we all have the capacity for change and growth. Even if we do something wrong, we can make amends. We can choose differently next time. Our lives are not represented as a fixed line; rather, they are a series of branching decisions. And we can always choose to do the next right thing.

In the final battle between Khonshu and Ammit in Episode 6, Ammit asks, “Why fight, knowing you will fail?” To which Khonshu replies, “Because it is my choice! The very thing you take away.”

Free will is a primary concept in Judaism. There is no afterlife (at least, not in terms of heaven and hell), and so LIFE is for living. We can always change. We can choose differently next time. There is room to learn from our mistakes.

But Marc has already bought into Ammit’s philosophy. His mother taught him that. Wendy was the human embodiment of Ammit’s form of prejudgment. It is absolute, inflexible, and with no possibility for change. If you are good, you are good; and if you are bad, there is no hope for you. After Randall’s death, Wendy says to Marc, “I should have known you’d do something like this.” She places all the blame for Randall’s drowning on Marc’s shoulders, even though he was just a child.

And so, Marc believes that he is bad, and that nothing can change that. He sees no possibility for his own redemption. He fights against Ammit and Harrow to protect the world, but on some level, he believes that for him, she might be right.

It is up to Steven, the emotional and spiritual protector of the system, to challenge Ammit’s philosophy. And why Steven? I believe it is because Steven has a greater connection to their shared Jewishness.

In the “lentil soup” scene at the cult compound in Episode 2, Steven converses with Harrow to figure out more about what is going on. It’s clear to him that Harrow has information about the experiences he’s been having with Khonshu. But as he and Harrow talk, he begins to understand the true implications of Ammit’s philosophy.

There is a specific moment in the scene. A specific point where Steven shifts. Up until this point, he has been terrified. He’s terrified of what is happening to him, he’s scared of Marc, he is positively quaking at being trapped by this cult.

So what changes? Steven looks in the reflective surface of the soup bowl, and he sees Marc retreating to get away from Harrow’s words.

Harrow tells Marc (through Steven) that Khonshu is weak and ineffective. That his punishments come too late. However, this is the nature of free will. We are given the choice to do good or bad. The punishment cannot come before the crime. As painful as it may be, we must allow people to make mistakes. And we must allow them to grow and change and redeem themselves when they fail.

Then Harrow reminds Marc that he will never be free of Khonshu, because there is always one last thing. One last mission. One last evildoer for Marc Spector to punish, when the problem could be solved so efficiently and with so much less mess if Ammit were just allowed to rule.

Marc starts to withdraw at these words, and Steven watches him. Then Steven has a moment of choice. He chooses to defend Marc. Even though he still believes that Marc (and therefore the body) may be dangerous, he knows that Harrow has no right to judge Marc or anyone else for what they might do in the future.

Steven says, “If Ammit judges people pre-evil, like, before the fact, then, isn't she judging an innocent person? I mean, a thought can't be evil, can it?”

Then, instead of placating Harrow or trying to find the nearest exit, Steven looks at the cult in disgust and says, “You're all into that? Killing children? Maybe it's just me, but I draw a line at child murder.” He doesn’t run, even when Harrow starts to threaten him with Ammit’s staff. He has seen how uncomfortable Marc is at Harrow’s deterministic zealotry, and he knows that he has to take a stand.

But why is this important from the standpoint of Marc’s and Steven’s respective experience of their Jewishness? And why is Steven able to be Marc’s spiritual protector? Why can’t Marc do this himself?

The Moon Knight show gives an incredibly realistic depiction of how a person becomes disenfranchised from their own Jewishness. Being Jewish consists of three pillars: Believing, Behaving, and Belonging. If any one of these pillars is knocked down, the ceiling will start to collapse. But if all three are knocked down, the person's connection to their Jewishness can be destroyed, or at least deeply damaged.

In the show, we see that these three pillars of Marc's faith have been knocked down in an unfortunately common way: he has experienced abuse and rejection from his family, specifically his mother. This abuse has a spiritual nature, because in Jewish families who actively practice their faith, the mother is often the one to maintain the traditions of the Jewish home, which is what is necessary for a child to participate as a Jew in the community. Without that Jewish home life, it is easy for a child to be cut adrift, even if they go to Hebrew school and attend their Temple or Synagogue.

In the time and place that Marc was growing up (in the American Midwest of the 1990s and early 2000s) the fastest way for someone to be disenfranchised from their Jewishness was to sever their connections to Judaism in the home.

Steven is the one who maintains a connection to their Judaism. He is vegan, which is a common strategy that Jewish people use to keep kosher outside of the house. He also has a mezuzah on his door, which serves as an indicator of a Jewish home. He belongs to the Jewish community in London, and speaks with the cadence of a regional London Jewish accent (Oscar said that Steven’s accent was based on Jewish people he met in the Borough of Enfield). The pillars of Steven’s Jewishness haven’t been knocked down. He still Believes, Behaves, and Belongs, at least to some degree.

But it is the Magen David necklace that gives us the metaphorical throughline of Steven’s role as spiritual protector.

We first see the Magen David around Steven’s neck at the end of Episode 2. We can see it clearly as Steven “looks out” from the mirror. A beam of light hits the necklace, and it shines. It is right in the middle of Steven’s chest. At the center of his heart.

As the camera pans over to Marc, we see the necklace chain, but the Magen David is obscured by the direction of the light and the angle of Marc’s body.

Both Marc and Steven wear it — it is actually the single item that they both consistently share — but we don’t see it VISIBLY on Marc until Episode 6.

In Episode 3, we catch a glimpse of the necklace when Marc is changing his shirt in Layla’s car. But we only see the chain. We don’t see the Magen David. It is cut off.

When Marc is shot at the end of Episode 4, both the necklace chain and the Magen David are obscured. We cannot see them at all, even though at other times throughout the show, we can see at least the chain of the necklace peaking out from Marc’s shirt.

BUT!!! After Marc has connected with Steven in the Duat, after he has gone through this part of his hero’s journey, after he has finally allowed Steven to come into his life, the Magen David finally appears on Marc’s chest.

As you can see, it was NOT THERE before, when Marc fell into the water in Episode 4. Nothing physically has changed at the beginning of Episode 6. In fact, only minutes have passed in the upper world since Marc was shot. But because of Marc’s journey with Steven, he can finally begin to cross the chasm and reconnect with his Jewishness. The Magen David may not shine like it did on Steven’s chest, it may only glimmer, but it is a start.

I believe that it is through Steven that Marc is able to reconnect with his faith. At the end of Episode 6, Marc finally expresses his free will. He will not kill on Khonshu’s orders, even though it would mean ending Ammit as a threat. He has a choice, and he chooses LIFE. In Judaism, life is for living. In death, there can be no change. Without reconnecting to Steven, to his Jewishness, I don’t think Marc would have been able to make this choice.

And of course, that does leave Jake, as Marc’s emotional and physical protector, to make sure that Ammit and Harrow never hurt the MK system again. Because I believe that of the three alters, Jake buys into Ammit’s philosophy the least. Jake knows that Ammit is a threat, and he knows that she has to be destroyed, but he never entertains that she might be right in the way that Marc does. Marc is still wrestling with Ammit’s ideology of prejudgment (as we would have likely seen at the end of the Diab cut), and Steven is still challenging it, but Jake just rejects it outright. “Hoy te toca perder.” And that’s why Jake has to be the one to kill Harrow and Ammit, because they still pose an existential danger to Marc and Steven. Jake protects Marc against self-destruction, and he knows that in a rematch against Ammit, Marc might be tempted once again in that direction. And since Khonshu knows that Jake does not entertain the notion that Ammit could be right, he uses the “legal loophole” he put in place in his bargain with Steven to enlist Jake to take Ammit out.

But none of this diminishes the fact that Marc has expressed his free will. Or that Steven, as his emotional and spiritual protector, has helped him reach a point in his life where he can see himself as more than a killer.

And I think it started in the moment when Steven first stood up to Harrow. When Steven asserted that people can always change and grow, because they can always make a different choice.

This is why I say that Moon Knight is a Jewish show. It deals extensively with Jewish themes. And it does so in a real way, even though it is set against a superhero backdrop. This Marc isn't cut off from his Judaism by a serial killer Nazi posing as a Rabbi. Nor is he disenfranchised because of an esoteric rejection of God and his father for being too weak. No, he is separated from his Jewishness in the most realistic and common of ways — because of family trauma. And his path back is through the connection and understanding that he now shares with Steven.

#moon knight #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #oscar isaac

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derekscorner · 12 days

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Reloaded Rambling: Persona 3

Broken Fulfillment

I finished Persona 3 Reloaded last night and ever since I've been torn between rambling about it and sobbing because the ending never fails to wound me.

I'm not exaggerating for narrative emphasis nor am I joking, I cried. I am a grown man and I cried just as much last night as I did when I beat Persona 3 Fes in the late 2000s to early 2010s.

I can not express in words to you just how much the ending hurts me nor can I express how much I love it. That's why I am broken but find fulfillment...which is as on point with the death theme as anything else.

I even delayed finishing the game because I could feel the emotions and tears welling up as soon as the final month started. I even took a moment to note how ironic it was that the color palette literally grows gray throughout the month.

As 'The Fall' draws near and apathy syndrome grows the very world itself begins to white out yet I feel the story the strongest as it does.

Every interaction with Aigis is emotional pain because I knew what was coming. As she grew as a person, understood love, and found a reason in life I knew that she was about to have that ripped from her.

It wasn't just her either. P3 already had a lot of little moments in the final month as the cast finds their resolve and as you finish what social links you've started, everyone is finding a resolution, they're preparing for a battle they believe they may not win.

In fact, Reload improved on this more with it's link episodes. Everyone playing in the park, Ken's silly combat and coffee practice, the movies with Koromaru, Akihiko and Yukari, everything.

Several of these mini stories wrap up toward the end and it's only when you know about P3's ending that you realize why.

Constant Improvement

I'd even argue that Persona 3 is one of the few stories to properly be remade in recent years. They only added small things to make the story better, updated gameplay, and just overall refined the package.

That's the kind of treatment a remake should be given rather than the laziness you see in movies today or the bait & switch SE pulled with FF7.

And it was only upon typing this that I realized that P3 has had this treatment from the start. P3 Fes only ever expanded the original hit game. Even though many fans didn't like 'The Answer' they at least loved everything added to the Journey.

P3 was then made a classic for a third time with P3 Portable. The PSP limited some things but it is loved for it's female MC and the story changes.

Persona 3 has always been given a positive treatment each time it's tackled and it's so rare.

That cycles back into Reload. We fans had to beg and complain for years but they tackled the remake with every bit of love that you could've hoped for.

The only things they did to earn ere was not including 'The Answer' or the FeMC and as of the time I type this 'The Answer' will at least be added as DLC.

I don't intend to downplay the feelings of those who strongly desired the FeMC either, I am playing through P3P so I get it, I just want to point out that having so few complaints about a remake is so rare.

I went on this whole side tangent to emphasize how impressed I was with the things added. The episodes, a few scenes, it made the feelings that P3Fes gives me just as potent years later.

I'm an indifferent man, I rarely feel emotion let alone genuinely show it, but for years one thing that always broke me was P3's story. To see it remade so well meant a lot to me.

Memento Mori

When I first played P3 I was actually looking for P4. A friend on a KH forum had suggested it as a fan but I couldn't find it on sale. P4 was at the height of its popularity so I couldn't find it at all.

Instead, I found P3 and bought it. My friend was a bit annoyed and said P4 was better but I played it anyway and by God it broke me.

At that time I had a depression problem. I have had one since 8th grade at that point in my life so P3's theme of death resonated with my core.

I had no spoilers for this story then, I thought we were defying fate like any other RPG and looking back I should've expected something. People died often in P3, even main cast, and the story put time into seeing the cast process that.

The single dungeon of the game is Tartarus but no, nothing clipped for me till that final scene.

That final scene caused a whirlwind of emotion to hit me because I could sense something was wrong and your MC only gets weaker as Aigis affirms her feelings and goal in life and the music doesn't stop.

Just when the other SEES remember and rush to find you they arrive only to find you gone. That.Fucking.Broke.Me.

The credits then has the audacity to play an upbeat song as the credits roll. That was it, you died and the entire game clicked in my brain.

The entire game just hits me all at once. The MC's persona is Orpheus, you literally climb through Tartarus towards Nyx, death itself, and you do not come out of it unscathed.

The characters each dealt with death and found a reason to keep living while Aigis found humanity, in those tears I understood that the games message.

Death is not avoidable, even for your MC. His miracle came at a cost, his ultimate persona is the Messiah for a reason but that's not what truly important.

It's the journey to that ending. The MC helped everyone he had a bond with find a reason to live, the games story is a positive one not a sad one.

I felt my brain rewire that day, aside from truly depressing events in my life, I have never truly been depressed again. Not permanently.

Even if I live a life like a hermit I'll never just give up on everything because this story broke me and rewired how I see things.

More importantly for this post, my initial breakdown of emotion always resurfaces when I play P3. I find myself attached to Aigis in particular due to her specific journey and her role in 'The Answer'.

So when I say this remake only added to the positive I meant it. (you probably thought I forgot about that and went on a seperate tangent didn't you~)

Every little scene new or expanded they put in this game makes it stronger. I did not want January to end but I was already a few days in and the game was breaking me.

Koromaru's new linked stories, Shinji, and Aigis in particular were wonderfully done. Everything just ties together in a way that I can't explain to you in a singular post.

These things I've stated not only apply to added content but old as well. A complaint you'll see at times is how some Persona social links seem to contradict the casts main story progression or how some are weaker than others.

Persona 3, any version of Persona 3, does not have that issue. Whether you personally like them all my vary but they are all remarkably consistent with the Death theme, the theme of finding new direction or meaning in life, or they're harmless at worst.

A key part of the reason why is because the Fool & Judgement Social Links are tied to main story progression. The whole reason linked episodes were added was because the main SEES cast have character growth alongside those two arcana as the story progresses.

In P3Fes or P3Portable you could have friend/romance with some SEES based on MC chosen but their actual growth as a character is tied to the story. They grow with you.

And what you do learn on those friend/romance links doesn't contradict with that main story progression. You won't have a situation like in P5 where Ryugi feels like two different people between his personal social link and the main story.

No game is flawless mind you, all I mean to say is that P3 meshes better with it's links and main story. All those lives you help along the way just hit harder during the finale for it.

You can feel like it meant something.

I can't wait for 'The Answer'

I have no decent transition here nor am I sure I conveyed my feelings/meaning as well as I had hoped above. So before these P3 images and OST make me cry again I'll talk about 'The Answer'.

If nothing else, I do hope I have explained how important the main story is to me and I hope that it makes sense to you that I do not consider P3 complete without this story addition.

It had issues in P3Fes, there is no way around that, but given how well they handled this remake I hope they can give 'The Answer' that same love.

Because it's very important to Aigis as a character as well as to the overall themes of life & death. If you have not seen the scenes of The Answer or played P3Fes yourself you may want to skip from here on out btw.

You still there? Good because I need anyone reading to understand that 'The Answer' is key. It's key because it's about grief.

Many of the main cast had to deal with loss and grief in the main story so people find their relapse odd here but you have to remember that no one death is the same. You do not just become okay with important people dying.

You can always fall back on your sadness and that's what happens here. Aigis literally loses the will to live and becomes more machine like, Yukari quite frankly becomes bitchy, and the overall crew is somber.

They thought they had won, your MC lived till graduation. They had their best and worst times with him and he died for reasons that they do not understand.

'The Answer' is quite literally that answer. They learn why he died, Aigis finds her own answer to life, and I wish I could elaborate more but I'm torn between telling you and just hoping you play it.

It's an epilogue and one that I feel P3 needs to have to feel right. It makes your MC's sacrifice feel more worth while to know the cast will use his memory to live better rather than fall back into grief.

It does my soul better to know that Aigis won't give up on life.

I'm spent

There's more I could've said but I'm quite frankly to emotional to add more. I struggled to even be coherent with this and I'm not sure I was.

I consider this the best Persona game yet and I'll always love 3 more than the others. I simply didn't feel attached to the scooby doo gang from P4 and I'm too old to care about the teen rebellion in P5...plus their mascot characters literally agitate me.

I hope you play this game or already have and I hope you're willing to give 'The Answer' a shot. Bye now~

#persona 3 reload #persona #persona 3 #persona 3 portable #ramblings #aigis #aigis persona 3

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jupitersdescendant · 2 years

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hi guys and welcome to my second pac reading on here, yay!!

today’s topic: who are you at your core?

this time there are four piles you can choose from. here’s how it works: close you eyes and meditate on the question for a while. if you feel ready, open your eyes and choose the pile you feel the most drawn to. it’s possible, that you fell drawn to more than one pile. please remember that this is a general reading so only take what resonates. this is for entertainment purposes only. lastly, tarot is only a guide, nothing is set in stone and in the end its you who has the power over your own life.

none of the pictures belong to me, the artist is Derek Penix.

Cards: eight of wands, death (rx), ace kf swords, seven of pentacles (rx), three of pentacles. back of the deck: king of swords (rx).

hi everyone! so my first impression is, that you’re a free spirit. you love excitement and trying new things. you could be prone to rush into things without thinking of the consequences or outcomes. you march to the beat of your own drum and don’t care what anyone else thinks (or at least you’re faking it very well). you probably already had some kind of spiritual awakening, that could’ve felt more like a tower moment, but helped you see through all the bs, that is out society ruled by greedy and selfish men. some of you may be strongly religious, while others of you are the polar opposite and might actually stay clear from anything related to that topic. either way, at your core you’re someone who values communication and always speaking ones truth. you especially adore intellectually stimulating conversations with your friends, since they are an important part of your life. you could have the tendency to give to much, so please stay aware of who you give your energy to and set some healthy boundaries. you don’t give much importance to money and/or material wealth. for a few of you, that is because you always had someone too provide for you, but for others it’s exactly the opposite, again. it’s interesting, that there are two such different sides coming through in the same pile. but yeah, some of you didn’t grew up under the best circumstances and without a lot of comfort or even safety at home. you all learned to find joy and appreciate the smaller things in life. you’re someone hardworking, who loves or literally hates teamwork (there’s those two sides again) and solving problems. you could also be very creative. i feel like you have a special talent, that you’re unaware of or that you’re afraid of exploring more. you might doubt your talents and work a lot, never really feeling like what you’re doing is good enough. i don’t mean to sound harsh but you really need to get over yourself, because you’re doing amazing sweetie! don’t worry if something isn’t perfect at the first try or the second or the third. if you’re giving your best, then that is all that matters and you can be proud of that. you are someone who tends to give their all to the people and things they’re passionate about. i see, that you still carry a lot of sadness in you, it’s easy for you to fall into a depressive state. but from the looks of it, you have worked on bettering yourself, so this doesn’t to happen too often anymore or you’re just able to deal with it easier. you have such an authentic vibe and energy which i love.

additional messarges: there’s a lot of air and earth energy coming through, you could have these placements in your astrological birth chart but you certainly don’t need to. this could simply be the vibe that best represents your core. air and earth are opposing elements, which i had to note, because we had those opposing sides in your pile. flying insects, especially butterflies and dragonflies could be of importance to you. they could be a sign from spirit, as well as angel number 1111. always trust your own judgment, guidance and intuition and stop overthinking every little detail. stay focused and don’t be afraid to walk your own path, but don’t feel the need to rush and simply move at your own pace.

let me know if it resonates! have a great day/night 🖤

Pile 2

Cards: knight of wands (rx), knight of pentacles (rx), the pladain (rx), ten of cups, judgement. back of the deck: six of wands (rx).

just wanted to note, that the paladin is an additional card in the deck i was using, it’s called the botanica oculta tarot.

hello, everyone in pile 2!

i’m seeing, that transformation plays a huge role in your life. i know we’re talking about core qualities here, but constantly transforming is one of the biggest parts of you. always changing and growing and getting more sure of yourself through every transformation, no matter how hard it was. for a couple of you there was a time where you were desperately trying to find a partner so they could fill the void in you and give you the love you haven’t been giving to yourself. you definitely grew out if this energy though. pile 2, you definitely carry knight in shining armour energy, with multiple knights and the paladin coming out, the paladin being an upper class knight who has a very strong devotion to a cause. you have a special mission on this planet, of that i’m sure and it’s obviously a biiig part of who you are. you fight for what is right and are here to improve humanity. for a few that could mean on a bigger scale, like worldwide or something, but for the majority it will be in your own community. i see you bringing change and transformation, especially through your speech so be careful how you use your words since they carry a great power. you value peace and harmony a lot so it makes sense, that you want to fight for a bigger and better cause. you’re a very spiritual person with a strong intuition, some of you may even be psychic. many of you already know, that you have a bigger mission to fulfill on this planet, but you’re not quite there yet. there’s still some things, that need your attention and solving. your ego could be one of the most prominent blockages. you could also have a negative mindset, talk down on yourself too much and lack self worth. you’re afraid to fail so you won’t even try something new. my dears, all of that just won’t do if you want to be the change you want to see in the world (lol just quoting spirit here). you really need to work on your relationship with yourself and show yourself some more love. i’m seeing, that you’re a very guarded and cautious person, you barely let anyone come close enough to you. you carry a lot of depth which makes you intriguing and somewhat mysterious to others. i want you to show more of that depth though, since you’re a very wise person with important things to say. share your light. you are blessed with great strength and abundance.

additional messages: 222 might be a significant angel number to you. major arcana cards were generally more prominent, especially when i clarified and all this talk about a mission for sure gives me starseed vibes for a couple of you. try and establish a deeper connection to yourself and your personal truths, meditation might be helpful. in general, try looking at things from a different perspective than usual to help you find solutions to your problems. be willing to keep moving forward with purpose and draw on your divine energy for help.

let me know if it resonates! have a great day/night 🖤

Pile 3

Cards: strength, five of cups, the lovers (rx), page of swords, six of cups. back of the deck: eight of wands (rx).

hi, pile 3!

the first thing i’m seeing is, that you’re truly a very strong person who can probably take on anything, though i still feel like you may lack confidence often. this strength didn’t come from nothing though, you’ve been through many hardships and especially your family life wasn’t the easiest. you’re very aware of all that is going on wrong in the world and feel a lot of sadness and hopelessness because of that (me too bro). this also causes you to feel lonely quite often. you have such a pure heart and dream of a better world. this is a little random, but you could be very cautious when it comes to romance and your love life might be kind of non existent. you’re somehow hopeless when it comes to love, not in the hopeless romantic way (i’m sure that still fits), but more in the way, that you think it’ll never find you, maybe even, that you don’t deserve it. this only stems from you not loving yourself enough! and how in the hell do you want to love somebody else if you can’t love yourself? self love is so very important, i know how hard it is, but you’ll feel so much better when you give yourself the love you deserve. pile 3, you’re so smart, a very intellectual person with a quick and active mind. you’re a great listener as well. people could come to you for guidance often, because you always know what to say and offer great advice. since you have such an active mind, you could tend to overthink a lot and experience anxiety quite often. you might enjoy reading a lot. it looks like you’re the type to use materialistic stuff to make you feel “better” about yourself, online shopping might be your thing. that usually happens when you feel stuck or when you’re plagued by negative thoughts. try to find some new coping mechanisms. online shopping isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but just be sure, that you’re not just wasting your money on things, that bring you happiness for a minute and that you never look at/use again. you love deeply and enjoy your peace a lot. you’re also quite nostalgic and like to reminisce about the good old times. you crave deep and soulful connections and i feel like you’ll be blessed with them in this life, wether platonic or romantic.

additional messages: you might feel more at home at night and are the type to stay up very late. theres a big possibility, that you have prophetic dreams so i’d definitely start to pay more attention to them. number 8 seems to be significant for you, if you see this number it could very well be a sign from spirit. spirit wants you to be more comfortable in your vulnerability and to always evaluate how something makes you feel, because if something’s the cause of bad feelings, then you need to find out why so that you can release these negative emotions. try to view situations, that are bothering you from every side and listen to your head and heart. balance is the key.

let me know if it resonates! have a great day/night 🖤

Pile 4

Cards: the hanged man, page of wands (rx), nine of pentacles (rx), nine of cups, two of wands (rx). back of the deck: page of swords.

hello pile 4! you’re someone pretty special right? and people notice it, believe me. we’re talking about core qualities here, but you’re literally shining from the inside out. you have a very strong but welcoming and bright energy. reminds me of sunlight. you’re a very thoughtful person even though you might not always show that. i feel like you were on the “wrong path” for a while and invested your time and energy in things and people, that weren’t healthy for you. there’s currently been a lot of change in your life so it looks like you’re doing a lot better for that matter. you have a very free and childlike vibe and love to be active and go on adventures. you also tend to rush head first into things so please just be careful lol. spending time with your friends/people who truly get you is very important and energising for you. financial security seems to be very important to you and for a while, that was pretty much all you could think about. you could be a secret workaholic, though most of you probably know that. yk the type to work until they can barely function anymore, which you especially love to do when theres something weighing heavy on your mind, that you want to avoid. you’re definitely a person who gives their all to the people and things they care about. like fr, if you’d be a king/queen of narnia, then your name would be something like Pile 4: the Generous or maybe hero or some sh*t like that. please just don’t give too much of yourself and neglect your own needs. helping other people out gives you a very satisfying feeling and you probably don’t even think twice about doing it. you could very well be interested in any job where you can help people and make the world a better place, very similar vibes to pile 2 here. you’re most likely a little afraid of the unknown and sudden change and that’s why you often stayed in situations, that weren’t good for you. you were stuck for a long time, but there has been a rebirth or some kind of awakening for you and you’re quickly changing out of that old energy. your head might sometimes be too much for and can be a challenging place, so i beg you to be a bit more kinder to your thoughts and yourself. i still have noticed, that your mind is also a very curios and engaging place. you’re analytical and very witty as well.

additional messages: there’s such a divine and heavenly energy coming through and it kinda scares me, are you an angel for satan’s sake?? the angel number 999 carry’s a special meaning for you and idk but 13/31 as well. try to keep an open heart and mind as you move through life, gather more information and make your choices purposefully. meditation might be very helpful to you. strive to be more thoughtful and kinder to yourself.

let me know if it resonates! have a great day/night 🖤

🔮 thanks a lot for reading 🔮

#tarot reading #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot card reading #pac reading #pac tarot #divination #spirituality

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ineffably-effable · 9 months

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While there was a lot to enjoy about season 2 of good omens, episode 6 left a bad taste in my mouth so if focusing on that isn't your cup of tea please feel free to skip this.

I think they could have arrived at the same outcome, with a few tweaks, and not had it feel like a major regression of Aziraphale's character at the end of season 1.

Assuming Aziraphale wasn’t coerced or compelled, there should have been breadcrumbs of him being nostalgic for his old side (muriel could have been an opportunity for this, for him to look at her and see that there was still "good" in heaven, or long for his previous state of certainty and idealism). Or there could have been signs of him seeming unmoored by no longer having the power or authority to do the right thing - for example if this season had involved Heaven placing limitations on his miracles - the appeal of getting that power back would have seemed stronger. There was also never any sense that Aziraphale felt like being in a position of leadership would change things. While it was clear he thought Gabriel was wrong, there was never a moment of "If I could just speak to Her she'd understand" from Aziraphale. Instead it was established very strongly that only Crowley thought she could be reasoned with (and we saw how that worked out for him).

I also could have understood if Aziraphale had presented the position, and his ability to appoint Crowley as an angel, as less of a selling point and more of a means to an end (i.e. "I know it's heaven, but it would also be us, we could fix it together"). If he had been trying to convince Crowley to work with him, it wouldn't have felt like such a betrayal. Instead it felt like Aziraphale had drunk the kool-aid and was back to viewing them as being on opposite sides ("but obviously you said no to hell, you're the bad guys .... heaven, well it's the side of truth, of light, of good") as if he'd never acknowledged the hypocrisy/fallibility of heaven, or the fact that Crowley often did more good as a demon. (A version of the conversation where Aziraphale positioned himself as trying to do good in a failed/corrupted system would also have resonated far better with the resurrectionist plotline.)

On the other hand, if Aziraphale had been compelled in some way (i.e. the poisoned latte theory), I wish it would have been shown explicitly. By letting the audience in on it, the scene still would have been devastating (arguably more so) without feeling like it undid Aziraphale’s character development of Season 1. (Especially given that all of Crowley's dialogue felt incredibly authentic to his character.)

Anyway... on a much brighter note, there's always fanfic and I'm looking forward to seeing how others reinterpret these scenes :)

#good omens spoilers #good omens season 2 spoilers #spoilers #good omens

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v-67 · 4 months

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6:35 7th January, 2024

Completed watching Fruits basket

And I'm all🥹❤️❤️❤️

I'm also all😭😭😭😭

Yesterday when I saw the episode and I stopped at there to go to sleep

I woke up feeling like I never should've watched this anime, because of the way it made me feel, it made me feel so much and I worried about Kyo being in any way related to Kyoko's death

I didn't want that, and so I worried, and I woke up feeling too much, I thought, yes maybe I should've never watched this, it makes me feel too much

But I did, I continued watching it

And I'm glad I did

And in a way, isn't this show exactly about it?

Don't stop halfway, don't give up, whatever the outcome is, we are ourselves, and we have to accept it

A bad situation is a bad situation, but we can accept it, we can look for the good within it, we can hug our fears, we can choose to do something about everything and do it

Locking away our feelings is the same as locking away a part of you, you might feel trapped, because you trapped a part of yourself away from you

So shouldn't we welcome all of ourselves, and embrace the parts which we want to lock away, because everything needs love, and all of you. Each and every inch of you is deserving of this love.

I love myself, and I accept myself. And I hope that everyone and everything finds themselves and the happiness that awaits them.

I'll make a note of all the words from the show that I hold dear to me, and post them.

I want to remember how this show made me feel

The feelings I feel may fade into the background

But I'll always remember feeling so strongly

I'm happy for everyone

For all of my fictional characters, for the real ones too

And everyday, I'll strive to be a better person, to others and to myself.

Thankyou❤️

....

One more thing

I always decline when someone talks shit about themselves, but I've realised that me doing that isn't a good thing, it's my way of keeping a positive approach, but sometimes people want to hear about things as they are, and maybe I should do that and listen and understand and still be able to say, "It's okay if it's this way, but it's in your hands to do something about it, I'll be here to help, but you're the one who has to take a step further"

I've also realised from this anime, that I'm always scared or embarrassed to say the word lonely, it feels wrong, I feel ashamed even, it feels pathetic. But it's a feeling and it's okay to feel this way. At times like this, I've to reach out and everything will start feeling okay

I will hold on to these words, the poetic beauty, this anime, this feeling it made me feel, for as much time as I can🫶

....

When I found out Tohru was hurting as well, when she spoke about how she's not pure too

When she was lonely, when she went through things too, how she shut away parts from herself

I felt, something. Frustration maybe? More of sadness, a feeling of misery, a feeling of why. Why did she feel all of this, why. But not in a way of feeling sad for Tohru, but a way of madness, of feeling like, You can't feel this way.

And I wondered about myself. a lot at that moment.

Tohru to me looked like a happy person, a person who cares about everyone, is a friend, a mother, a family member. And resonating back on what I felt, I feel like I looked at Tohru as a character in that way. And when she broke, it felt like something that should've never happened. Because that is how I see the elder people in my family, the ones I love. So much. I can never imagine how I'd feel if I ever saw them crying, hurt, heartbroken. I don't ever want to see them feel this way. But if ever, such a thing happens, I want to be there, to repair such feelings.

I once saw my uncle almost cry, and I don't ever want to see him like that again. It stays within my mind and my heart clenches, because to me he is a strong mountain.

When she spoke about her feelings, and when she told Akito if she's pure then so Is Akito, I understood a little better of the way I felt

of the things she felt

Of how all of us are human

And how all of us feel lonely

How all of us need love

And how all of us, are all of us

....

I wasn't planning on writing this much

But, I'm glad I did

Thank you, for creating such a beautiful anime, such wonderful characters.

I'll always be grateful.

One of my most favourite lines from this anime amongst many is 'She reacts to my emotions with hers.'

I react to your emotions with mine, you may feel different, we may not agree, but you still react to my emotions with yours, ...

I'm writing this from memory, it may be worded differently

But Thankyou, for letting me react with my emotions, for making me feel them

I'm grateful.

.....

Tohru Honda

Kyo Sohma

Yuki Sohma

Momiji Sohma

Arisa Uotani

Saki Hanajima

Kyoko san

Kazuma Sohma (shisho)

Hatsuharu Sohma

Rin Sohma

Kisa Sohma

Hiro Sohma

Ritsu Sohma

Kagura sohma

Ayame sohma

Hatori sohma

Kureno sohma

Shigure Sohma

Akito Sohma

Natsuki Takaya

Fruits basket🌻🫶

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didalexiabreakupwitholgayet · 25 days

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do you think that el classico is more political for barca fans? idk exactly how to phrase this, but like do you think barca fans resonate more with the political aspects of the rivalry?

haha, i am probably too biased to answer this question fairly. but, i do think real madrid fans feed into the political aspects as well because their own freaking club pours gasoline onto the political flames of the rivalry pretty strongly.

i don't know if you remember the real madrid/franco video controversy from last year, but basically real madrid put together a video that alleged barça was the football team of choice of the franco regime. this came directly after laporta made some comments about the opposite being true. (come on, we all know the truth!) the catalan govt even got involved and demanded that rm apologize and remove the video.

well, misa waded into the controversy by RT'ing it with the following emojis and that set off a firestorm of fan wars back and forth.

even though misa is super close with barça players like alexia and irene, there's a segment of fandom that won't forgive so easily.

anyway, the matches are always super heated and you get classic moments like the infamous aitana snub:

so yeah, it's my opinion that even though barça has been smashing real madrid as of late, there's so much deep seated rivalry and political tensions with which fans of both teams still resonate.

#fcb femení #barca femeni #barca women #real madrid femenino #misa rodriguez #futfem #woso

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mysunandmoon98 · 6 months

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Sending waves to wave to earth as we grow alongside each other across the ocean 🌊

(rambings from a while back, edited to be coherent, please share this time of love with me)

I am someone who often questions things about myself, especially the things I am into and enjoy. I like to figure about exaclty what it is that captivates me. Wave to earth have been on my mind a lot recently with their US tour kicking off. Subsequently I started to wonder a little, what is it about this band that I am so captivated by and feel so connected to? To put it simply, music is art, and I honestly live day to day examening and thinking about art. What draws me into art is typically one of two things: admiration to anothers dedication/view of life or its relatability and how I see myself in that art, how it fits with my daily life and thoughts. Wave to earth's music is one of those gems that fulfils both categories. What captured me was their specific nestling into a blur of genres, and their appreciation and dedication to art, as well as their lyrics about life and love.

The first live performance of theirs that I watched was purple lake. It was just daniel and donkgyu in a little room, I vividly remember the purple glow of the room, and the multi coloured lights dancing across the walls. Dongkyu had a pair of sunglasses hanging from his shirt. Watching that performance, when the camera pans to dongkyu on the drums, it felt like the whole universe had singled into this one person, fulfilling their passion and translating feelings into sound. I had never been so captivated in this way before.

I started getting more into the lyrics too. I had been a fan of Daniel for a little while before I heard wave to earth so was familiar with his voice and lyrical style from the little snippets of what I understood before. I vividly remember one day, sat at the kitchen table listening to seasons, just recently after its release. I sat there with the lyrics in front of me, and I felt my heart warm a little. A delicate hum of pain and nostalgia which stuck with, and resonated with me so strongly. "I'd give you all my life, my seasons" Listening to songs like light, wave, ride and surf made me fall more in love with life. The link of love and life with the sea and nature fit hand in hand so beautifully. It gives a sense of connection, a grounding feeling, whilst also somehow making me feel like i'm floating in the clouds, my mind completely at peace, even in the middle of a hectic day.

Then as the autumn and winter come, I grativiate to songs such as bonfire and bird. A couple years ago, on my journeys back home from college, I would listen to these songs as the sun set. I shut the door on a difficult day listening to music that made life feel beautiful again. "Bird, how does it feel to fly. Hey bird, do you look down or forward?" These lyrics stuck in my mind, as I felt stuck in the sickening routine my life had back then. Do I look down to my heart, do I look to myself, to this moment, or do I look into the future? How is everyone around me living, how do you see? I felt confused, life was a blur of one day to the next. I would listen so intently, every lyric, every chord. One listen for the lyrics, one for Daniel's voice, one for the drums, one for the bass, one for the harmonies, one for it all together. It was moments of peace in during a messy time. From this, I found one of my big happinesses in life: bass guitar. I was drawn into John Cha's bass lines. I always pondered on which was a favourite. For autumn, I like bonfire, the bass gives a rich yet fluttering feeling, like fireflies dancing in the night. There is a certain part in gold which I adore it's like velvet, so smooth, so deep but also powerful. Then in daisy, in this one break- where often the guitar gets centre stage, there is just this epic breakdown, giving that depth, that almost tangible grip on the song, all the desire and the love just bursts out, and I think its incredible. I came to realise how beatiful bass guitar is. I love the melodic charm of John's playing, the variations during live performances too (I remember learning the term 'bass fills' from his youtube, which I know I probably use incorrectly haha, but just that little extra something special, I love it). I'm not too educated on music, I really only write from the heart, but I feel like John's playing, it really feels like another voice, another vocal, another expression of the lyrics. I never understood music in this way before, so deeply, so interconnected, so beautifully.

From this, music became such a bigger part of my life. I started listening to more instrumental songs, and I gained a whole new outlook on music and instruments. Side B of flaws and all... it really is my everything, that lofi jazz sound they have.. it is everything to me, and sparked my love for a new kind of music. I listen to side A when its sunny and bright out, as well as when my gloomy days need some sunshine. "I'm broken, so take me to the evening glow, and lay me down on the sun, the tender sun" This song, their music, is like a warm ray of sunshine.

So I think about this a lot, as time passes and things change. I feel I have changed and grown, and I look and see their success as a band and see how they have changed and grown and I feel immense happiness. I adore how wave to earth craft their music, their performances, their albums covers. It is always a big creative inspiration in my life. So I just wanted to talk about it, I'm a little bit lost for words, but these days I find myself tearing up thinking about these things so I just wanted to try and express how my heart has been feeling :')

#wave to earth #seasons 100 mil streams?!#i love john cha #kim daniel #shin dongkyu #korean indie #live love music #웨이브투어스

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crookedcrowclub · 5 months

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Review for A Conjuring of Light by V .E. Schwab

5/5 ⭐️

WOW.

reading this felt like reading a crossover novel of all my favourite characters from the previous two books because each of them were so incredibly fleshed out that this could’ve been anyone’s story. it feels as if i’ve met these characters and had conversations with them because they seemed so tangible.

Plot & Pacing

what book 2 lacked in terms of plot and pacing, book 3 more than made up for it. the story picks up right where book 2 left off and the momentum doesn’t slow down one bit. it only kept getting better with surprises and twists at every turn. if you know me, you know that books are my sole sustenance when it comes to escaping the horrors of reality and ACOL swept me off my feet from the very first chapter!

Characters

the character dynamics were much more nuanced and their interactions were TO DIE FOR (!!!) not to mention, they all had insane chemistry with each other and some wholesome moments thrown in as well. kell, lila, and holland have cemented themselves as my ultimate disaster trio and i just couldn’t get enough of them.

the flashback scenes gave a deeper insight into each of the characters’ backstory and i ended up caring more about them than i imagined. holland’s especially packed a punch. his chapters were agonizing to read, emotionally charged and tugged at my heartstrings. i saw him as the villain at the beginning of this trilogy but it turns out, he’s an anti-hero who deserves to be happy after everything he’s been through. his chapters alone were a solid 5/5 stars for me, and he has earned a top ten spot in my Most Favourite Fucked Up Characters of All Time 😌.

as for lila, she had it all: beauty, brains and brawn! but besides that, we also see her come to terms with her attachment and abandonment issues that she’s struggled with since book 1. her arc was moving yet powerful. most of it strongly resonated with me because it hit too close to home. delilah bard is basically me but in different font and i adore my knife wife so much 🫶🏼.

kell’s daring persona that i sorely missed in book 2 made a sweeping comeback and his character was even more striking than before! unlike in the previous book, he was very level-headed in this one and took on the fitting role of a natural leader who guided his team in their quest to defeat evil. he kinda reminded me of kaz with the easy way he almost always got the final word. his chapters were poignant with direction and focus, which was refreshing to read.

i was thrilled that we finally got alucard’s POV (!!!!) i like his character but sadly, he didn’t really stand out in the book for me. it felt as if he was merely a plot piece to keep the story going. things were happening and he was just kinda there. either way, i enjoyed being in his head and learning more about his past.

rhy was less annoying and bratty (thank goodness) which i think had a lot to do with alucard’s presence at the beginning. he also had lesser chapters in this book but he started growing on me around the 70% mark. i liked how resilient he was in never giving up or cowering in face of adversity and how much he cared for his people. towards the end, he proved to be a well rounded character with a satisfying arc.

side mention: the minor characters (hastra, lenos, tieren, maris, ned, maxim, emira, even cora!) were amazingly well developed and despite their limited page time, they stole the show all the same! i would deadass be down to read each of their spinoff stories if the author ever decided to write them.

Conclusion

overall, ACOL struck a perfect balance between character-driven and plot-driven storyline to the point where the characters ceased to be fictional and started seeming like actual people in my head. not only that, this trilogy felt like getting a warm hug from an old friend because it reminded me of six of crows and a couple other YA novels which i loved during that time. it was nostalgic reading it even though i’d never read it before.

as for the ending, it was satisfying but the suspense was over quick. i wanted to see more action in the final fight scene after all that buildup but either way, it was fulfilling to see my beloved characters find closure after everything that happened. i can see where the continuation trilogy is headed and im beyond excited to read it!

ANOSHE✨

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actuallyfallen · 10 months

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Fractured Pieces - On Kintypes vs Synpaths

I don't quite recall who, but I remember once seeing 'synpaths' being described as 'kin for fun, but for people who are already kin'. Which I suppose is true. However, for me, and my personal experience, that doesn't feel quite right. In KFF circles, 'kin' seems to be a synonym for the word 'stan'. And my synpaths definitely aren't the characters that I stan. I've also seen synpaths be referred to as one's personal set of 'blorbos', but that doesn't feel quite right either. Again, this implies that one views their synpaths through a very fannish lens, even if it does feel as if it implies more permanence. (At least, to me, it does.)

The coiner of the term describes it as follows: "Synpath is a tidy name for something you identify with on several levels, which could be a concept that resonates really strongly with you, an animal or mythological creature you feel you act like, or a person or character you share a lot of common behaviors with, among other things." This description has always felt more personal than KFF's "kins", or fandomgoer's blorbos. To me, my synpaths are things which I identify with, as well as things that are very important to me, how I view myself, and/or my life. Because of this, I've always felt that my synpaths have always been more telling to me, as a person, than my kintypes. My kintypes are not something I choose, after all. They're my past lives; they hold no bearings on who I am now. My synpaths, though, are entirely based off of who I am today, my experiences, and my interests.

On top of this, my synpaths are fewer in number than my kintypes. I currently have a total of seven synpaths, and, of those, four are fictional characters, two are animals, and one is a non-living thing. I am currently questioning two other synpaths, at the moment. Over the years, I've gotten quite good at recognizing a past life, but synpaths? I'm able to pick and choose those. I carefully curate exactly what things are important enough to me to label as a synpath, selecting only that which is closest to my heart, for the longest amount of time. A few times, I've seen something that I thought might be a synpath, but I made myself wait on it, to make sure it didn't fade away. Which, while I occasionally do for kintypes, I don't do for nearly as long or as often, because, again, I'm quite good at narrowing down the sensation of a past self.

My reasons for synpaths vary greatly from case to case. For example, Badeline from Celeste was the first synpath that I labeled as such, due to her story's incredibly intense effect on my life and how I view my mental health. The moon is the non-living synpath I mentioned earlier, because of the otherworldly connection with which I feel to it; she's important to me, because I identify with her and the stories about her, and have since a young age. Regarding animals, hyenas feel like family. I know so much about hyenas, and they feel familiar, in a way. Rounding things back with another fictional synpath, Lain from Serial Experiments Lain is one of my most recent synpath confirmations, by my memory. But she's so much like me, and I see myself in so much of both of her stories (the PS game and the anime). Her trauma and plights are unspeakably relatable, her rage cathartic, and there's just something about her that sticks in my mind. Like a sticker that you can keep picking at, but it doesn't peel off neatly. If you tried, you'd just be left with those torn, white bits of it, where you tried to take it off, still leaving their mark on your mind.

But I am not any of these things. Badeline helped me with how I treat myself, but I am not her. I see the moon as a friend, but I cannot say that I identify as her. Hyenas are familiar beings, but I could not say that I am one in a human's body. And my relationship to Lain is like that of a warped reflection (the same, but different). But the mirror is not one which shows my past lives. Just my current one.

So, no, I don't quite think that my synpaths are like KFF, or like my blorbos. More like fractured, cracked pieces of my current self, which I have found scattered across the world. I am not them. They are not me. But that is not the only way that something can be important to you.

#synpath #alterhuman #fictionkin #fictionkind #alterhuman essay #essay #📋 i'd show you my halo if only i knew where i had put it

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frozen-fountain · 6 months

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youtube

It's ten years today since I made a pilgrimage down to Brighton to see Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds live in concert. My purpose today isn't to get into the circumstances that preceded this or the specific reasons why being there meant so very much to me; maybe some day I'll do that under this name as well. For now, suffice to say it was the best show I've been to, and one I doubt will ever be surpassed. I think the Bad Seeds were on stage for the better part of three hours, with two encores and everyone clearly having a great time, reflected just as strongly in the audience. I really hope I get to go again eventually, though it'll be a more sombre affair now. And that's fine. I've always looked on his music as a big congregation that plumbs the depths of human existence without ever denying or shutting out the light, and it's this that's struck such a resonant chord with me across the years and made him one of the most key pillars in my musical journey.

One of my most vivid memories of the night doesn't even concern what was happening on stage. The whole time, I was fascinated by the two ageing punks sitting in front of us. I love ageing punks; I was raised by one, and they're my favourite people at shows because of their sheer enthusiasm for the music and utter disregard for what's generally considered age-appropriate dress and behaviour. Deeply inspiring stuff. But I remember one of them lifting both fists in a cheer when this song (from 1986) started playing – and he did the same for Higgs Boson Blues, a track from the contemporaneous album. And I was struck by what a gift it must have been to watch this wonderful group evolve and shift over the years, to meet new songs at different stages in life, and to remain no less excited for their new creations even decades later.

It was many things, but to me, it was a thick, bold line under what I'd spent the previous year working to convince myself of as I left my youth behind me, and that this band's congregational music helped so much in drilling through my obstinate, oblivion-seeking skull: there are and always will be things worth sticking around for.

I don't know anything about this man besides what the back of his head looks like and his enthusiasm for Bad Seeds old and new. He never even turned around to look at me in turn. I highly doubt we'll ever meet again, and if we do, I'll have no way of knowing it. But I still smile every now and then when I listen to Sad Waters, or simply when my mind wanders back to the show from time to time. When I need to remember the future is unwritten and the world has a capacity for many things, and one is endless surprise. Regular readers of whatever it is I'm doing here will know my young life was not the happiest, and I expended a lot of time and energy wrestling with the desire to end it. As I write this I'm closing in on the eight-year anniversary of the last time I seriously contemplated suicide – which is something I couldn't have even dreamed about saying back in 2013. It's these experiences, these moments of connection between strangers through the shared appreciation of another stranger's artistic expression, that go along way to making this so, and I'll never forget it.

This last decade has intensified a cultural shift that was gathering steam around the time of the concert. And one of many reasons I feel conversation can be so divisive and contentious is that we're rapidly becoming more aware to how badly we can hurt one another through simply existing as we are. Whether it's the descendants of colonisers reckoning with the ways we continue to benefit from that bloody history, or men being pushed to evaluate the allowances they are granted to take up space persistently denied women, or any of us learning the benefits of initiating awkward conversations about boundaries in our interpersonal lives, what is bit by bit rising to the surface of our awareness is how easy it is to become a bad story in someone's life just by being people. It's a very difficult thing to come to terms with no matter who you are.

And I wanted to write this memory down and share it because, at least to me, it's a reminder that we can help one another, too, and often without trying or knowing. You don't know what you might have done for a stranger you had no idea was watching. A simple, unguarded gesture that I doubt this man thought about for so much of a second has stayed with me, cheered me, and reminded me of several crucial lessons when I most needed them. If I've learned anything in the years since it's that, simply by being you and being open with your joys, I can guarantee you're someone's good story, too. Even if you'll never know about it.

In the meantime, if you're so inclined... maybe tell me a story about a time a stranger helped you in a similar way?

#froze tunes #froze thoughts #suicide mention #Youtube

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the-one-where-casey-watches-tv · 6 months

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Friends episode 1.11 "The One With Mrs. Bing"

A quality I’ve been noticing a lot lately in content that I enjoy is an intimacy between artist and audience. The illusion that we really truly know these people with a certain amount of depth is what hooks us. It’s the thing that creates fandoms and births groupies, but it’s also the reason we buy concert tickets and make a standing appointment with our favorite shows. And I’d even go so far as to say that that intimacy isn’t an illusion. If someone really is pouring themselves into their work, and they’re good at it, I think anyone who’s there to see it will probably have an important understanding of that person. So, your favorite artists may not know you, but you do know them.

I think that’s why Chandler resonated with people so strongly. I may be biased, but I also spent a lot of time in the Friends fandom, and he really was the fan favorite. The entire cast was of course a strong ensemble who made their characters their own, but I don’t think any of them identified with their role as much as Matthew Perry. He says in his memoir that he was Chandler and Chandler was him, but I think we knew that already. Everything from his clothes to the cadence of his speech is instantly identifiable, funny, endearing, and real.

Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc in "The One With Mrs. Bing".

My favorite episodes of Friends (and of most comedies) are the ones that get as close to drama as a sitcom can get, and I’ve noticed that Chandler is almost always at the center of the show’s most emotional moments. When Chandler kisses Joey’s sister, his repentance is so sincere. When Chandler finally admits his love for Monica, tears of laughter turn to tears of endearment in a literal split second; Ross and Rachel make you say, “oh my God”, Monica and Chandler make you say “awwww”.

And as early as season one, a sole episode featuring Chandler’s mom carries more depth and character development than a decade with the Gellers. Chandler’s mother, Nora Bing, is a bestselling erotica novelist. She’s introduced in this episode as the gang forces a begrudging Chandler to watch Nora’s appearance on Jay Leno. Two episodes prior, we heard Chandler’s first recounting of his Thanksgiving horrors (we’ll come to be very familiar with the tale): at nine years old, Chandler’s parents sat him down at the end of Thanksgiving dinner and told him they were getting a divorce- his father is having an affair with the pool boy.

Right after admitting on national TV that sex makes her crave Kung Pao Chicken, Nora excitedly tells Leno that she’s heading to New York tomorrow and will get to see her son. Chandler declares, without surprise, “And this is how I find out. Most moms use the phone.” Seconds later, Nora is explaining the depths of her love for her son by stating that she bought him his first condoms. Summing up how every parent makes their kid feel, though probably not to this extent, Chandler says: “And then he burst into flames.”

Matthew Perry, Courteney Cox, David Schwimmer, Lisa Kudrow, and Jennifer Aniston in "The One With Mrs. Bing".

In one short, funny scene we understand a surprising number of layers to Chandler’s character. Nora was sincere when stating her love and excitement about seeing her son. Ross- the only one who knows her- declared that he loves Chandler’s mom. Rachel gushed that she is a huge fan of Nora’s books. Despite their bizarre dynamic, Chandler has to endure everyone else loving his mom and telling him to relax, something he really does try to do.

He brings the whole gang out to dinner with his mom- including Paolo, which is generous of Nora.

NORA: I am famished… what do I want?

CHANDLER: Please God don’t let it be Kung Pao Chicken.

NORA: Oh, you watched the show! What’d you think?

CHANDLER: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell juuuust a little.

But he says it all with a smile, dropping a kiss on his mom’s cheek. And then hops right on board as she orders tequila shots for the whole table. It’s a strange dynamic, and a comical one, but also one that now feels real. Matthew Perry’s performance turns this punchline of a premise into something more: what would a person with this upbringing really be like?

Matthew Perry and Morgan Fairchild in "The One With Mrs. Bing".

Towards the end of dinner, Ross has gotten good and drunk on Nora’s tab. Rachel and Paolo are driving him up the wall. He runs into Nora after coming out of the bathroom- the women’s bathroom, he realizes, when a woman steps out a few seconds after him. He’s down, out of it, and Nora knows it’s about Rachel. She comforts him, promising that Paolo isn’t the kind of character that sticks around. Rachel will be turning to him in no time.

This seems to help, but suddenly the two are leaning into each other, kissing a real kiss. And who’s headed for the bathroom now but Joey, who sees them and stammers in shock that he’s gonna go pee in the street. Ross and Nora separate and sigh that sigh that’s old sitcom speak for “fuck”.

David Schwimmer and Morgan Fairchild in "The One With Mrs. Bing".

The next day, Ross tries to get away with never telling Chandler what happened. Joey hasn’t told him, but he tells Ross that he has to- and takes offense to the suggestion that his own mom isn’t as tempting as Nora Bing (“I’ll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a very handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it’s easy giving birth to seven children?”).

Ross at first tries to claim that Paolo kissed his mom, which has Chandler in enough shock already, but finally Ross exclaims that it was him, getting real anger out of Chandler. “You know, of all my friends, no one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.” Ross tries to apologize, but Chandler leaves, slamming the door.

Later, at Central Perk, Ross tries again:

ROSS: Chandler, can I just say something? I know you’re still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips.

CHANDLER: Yes, well, I expect this from her. She’s always been a Freudian nightmare.

ROSS: Okay, well, if she always behaves like this, why don’t you say something?

CHANDLER: Because it’s complicated. It’s complex- hey, you kissed my mom!

Other coffee drinkers turn to look. Ross declares to the coffee house that they’re rehearsing a Greek play. Typically the kind of joke Chandler himself would make, he doesn’t even crack a smile.

CHANDLER: That’s very funny. We done now?

ROSS: No! You mean you’re not gonna talk to her? You’re not gonna tell her how you feel?

CHANDLER: That would be a no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn’t mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can’t talk to her.

Chandler then comes close to breaking Ross’s finger, but even if he’s not admitting it now, Ross has said something significant. While it’s the biggest betrayal coming from Ross, this isn’t an isolated incident on Nora’s part. It’s a not-so-funny symptom of the overarching mother/son dynamic that has been comically displayed until now.

Matthew Perry and David Schwimmer in "The One With Mrs. Bing".

Back up at the apartment, Chandler is saying his goodbyes to Nora. She brought copies of her book for the rest of the gang and asks if Chandler wants anything from Lisbon. On the surface, they have a playful banter, and he takes things in stride. But finally, as she’s walking out the door, he stops holding it in: “You kissed my best Ross! … or something to that effect.”

She knows it’s not good. She steps back inside and gently closes the door. She apologizes, they agree that it was stupid, and she promises it’ll never happen again. And when she asks if they’re okay now, he starts to say yes… but then he says no. The kiss got his attention, but it’s the tip of the iceberg.

In the hallway, Ross approaches to find Joey listening at the door. We can hear Chandler and Nora’s muted yelling. Excitedly, Joey says “He did it! He told her off, and not just about the kiss, about everything!” They’re good friends, honestly. They give him grief and find Nora fun, but clearly Ross isn’t the only one who knows there’s more to the story.

Then, the screaming match is over and Chandler walks Nora down the hall. She asks if he’s okay and he says yes. She kisses his cheek, and after a formal “Mrs. Bing”, “Mr. Geller” between her and Ross, she’s gone. And Chandler and Ross are alone.

CHANDLER: Hey.

ROSS: You mean that?

CHANDLER: Yeah, why not. I told her.

ROSS: Yeah? How’d it go?

CHANDLER: Awful. Awful. Couldn’t have gone worse.

ROSS: Well, how do you feel?

CHANDLER: Pretty good! I told her.

The two shake hands, and Chandler smiles big, throwing an arm over Ross’s shoulder.

Chandler has the zaniest backstory of the group (except for maybe Phoebe), yet he’s somehow the most whole, the most down to earth. You can connect the dots between the life story that exists off screen and the choices he makes in front of us. And could you even fathom anyone else playing Chandler Bing?

Matthew Perry in "The One With Mrs. Bing".

There was just something special there. Matthew Perry had that “x factor”, as they say, although I think that x factor really is the ability to make strangers feel like they know you. He did it everywhere, and I think we all really liked the guy we got to know. If, like me, you’re looking to watch the best of Chandler Bing in the wake of Matthew’s passing, here are some others to add to your queue: episode 2.03 “The One Where Heckles Dies”, episode 4.08 “The One With Chandler in a Box”, and episode 5.14 “The One Where Everybody Finds Out”.

Among many other things, I also highly recommend his book Friends, Lovers, and the Big, Terrible Thing, his movie The Whole Nine Yards, and his show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, which I’ll be back here with sometime soon. And if you’re having any Matthew Perry related thoughts or feelings, I’d love to hear about them! This one is very close to my heart.

#matthew perry #chandler bing #friends #ross geller #david schwimmer #monica geller #courteney cox #joey tribbiani #matt leblanc #phoebe buffay #lisa kudrow #jennifer aniston #rachel green #nora bing #morgan fairchild #tv review #tv criticism #tv

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