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wheresarizona · 7 months

Text

Old Habits

pairing: Joel Miller/f!former sex worker reader

summary: Back in Boston, Joel Miller was your favorite client who frequented your services, exchanging ration cards and other items deemed illegal for sex with you until he just disappeared one day. It’s years later, and now, by a stroke of dumb luck on your journey out west, you’ve found yourself in the town of Jackson and in close proximity to Joel once again, the two of you immediately falling back into old habits.

rating: E (18+!! This is smut. No y/n, porn without plot, reader’s age is unspecified but she was born before the outbreak, can be read as age gap, Gruff Joel Miller, Joel manhandling you, Joel ordering you around, rough sex, unprotected p in v (wrap it up!), oral sex (m & f receiving), come eating, deepthroating, vaginal fingering, spanking, dirty talk (a lot), praise kink, light choking, squirting, breast play, spit mention, first kiss, talks of sex work (we are respectful in this house), a hint of Possessive Joel, some feelings as a treat, smidge of Soft Joel at the end, a special appearance by Ellie who doesn’t know where Joel is (spoiler: he’s hiding in your bathroom naked))

word count: 3.9k+

a/n: This was a horny thot I wrote in one night because it wouldn’t leave me alone, and now I’m sharing it with you. Thank you to @senorabond for betaing!

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs feed me. I’d love to know what you thought!

Masterlist

It’s happenstance you find yourself in Jackson—honest to god, dumb luck, and a series of fortunate and unfortunate events.

The plan was to cross the continent to Vancouver, B.C., where whispers talked about the QZ being a safe haven and not a complete hell hole like Boston. A group of you made the journey, and by the time scouts from Jackson found you getting close to their territory, only a few remained, and you all decided to stay in the quaint town.

That brings you to where you are now, not even twenty-four hours after arriving, and barely settled into your little apartment in a converted garage, naked and on your knees with Joel Miller’s hard cock filling the tight space in your throat. Drool drips down your chin, and tears fall from the corners of your eyes as you suppress your gag reflex.

It shocked you when he showed up at your door, having known him for years back in Boston since he used your services frequently, exchanging ration cards and other illegal items for sex with you. He loved that he could use you however he wanted, and you happily took it. He was your favorite client; then one day, he just disappeared—and in less than ten minutes of being reunited, he had you completely naked and on your knees for him.

Did you mention he was your favorite?

He’s still fully clothed, with only his pants down enough to free himself. His big hand is on the back of your head, keeping you on him while he watches from above. You can’t even take him to the hilt, your jaw pried open wide. He’s heavy on your tongue, smelling the clean scent of the soap he must’ve scrubbed with before he came over.

“Fuckin’ missed you chokin’ on my dick,” he groans. “So fuckin’ pretty takin’ it down your throat.”

Your fingers are digging into his jean-clad thighs, your eyes rolled back in your head, moaning around him, barely able to breathe. He finally lets you up, and you come off him, gasping for breath. With saliva gathered on your tongue, you let it drip on the tip of him, your hand taking the place of your mouth, slickly stroking him while looking up at him through your lashes.

“I missed this cock,” your words come out rough, tapping him on your tongue.

He’s smirking. “Yeah, baby?”

“Yes.” You nod. “It’s so fucking big and always filled me so perfectly.”

“I missed how your tight little pussy squeezed me—haunted my fuckin’ dreams. I can’t tell you how many times I fucked my hand thinkin’ about bein’ inside you again.”

What he says has you feeling hot, arousal pooling in your belly, your cunt throbbing in the same beat as your heart, wanting him so badly.

Continuing to jerk him in your palm, you dip your head down, licking at the thin skin of his sack before sucking a ball into your mouth, teasing it with your tongue.

“Fuck,” he moans.

You give the other one the same treatment, letting it go to lick a hot stripe up his shaft, the tip steadily leaking precum.

“On the bed,” he orders, roughly tugging you up by the arms to stand. “I’m not comin’ in your mouth.”

“Yeah?” you purr. The bed is behind you, and you walk backward until your legs hit the edge. “Where do you wanna come?” you ask. “My stomach? On my pussy? My ass? My tits?”

His dark eyes are half-lidded and burning with desire as he moves toward you with purpose, saying, “You know damn well I’m gonna come all over your gorgeous tits.” It’s his favorite place to finish. He’s in front of you, his large palms taking them in hand. “Fuckin’ missed these, too.” To end the sentence, he bends, sucking your pebbled nipple between his lips. You moan at the shock of pleasure that shoots straight to your cunt, pushing your fingers into his slicked-back, slightly damp hair.

The reason Joel was your favorite is he always made sure you came at least once—doing things he knew you enjoyed because he wanted to make you feel good. That was rare in your previous profession. Usually, it was all about the client, and your pleasure didn’t matter.

Joel’s a gentleman, though.

A hot, grumpy gentleman.

His mouth moves to your other tit, flicking his tongue over the hard bud; you feel your need for him dripping from your pussy to coat your inner thighs.

Suddenly, he’s straightening and pushing you back onto the mattress, pulling your ass to the edge of the bed. You spread your legs for him as you sit up on your elbows.

The tips of two of his thick fingers touch your lips.

“Open,” he orders, and you do, sucking them into your mouth with a moan. “Get them nice and wet for me, baby.” You massage your tongue against them, his lust-filled gaze watching intently. He shoves them further back into your throat, and you easily take them. “Good girl,” he rasps.

His hand leaves you, his focus locking on your glistening center. Dipping his head, he works his jaw to get saliva in the front of his mouth, spitting it onto your clit, and it drips all hot and wet down toward your hole that’s drooling arousal.

“Pretty fuckin’ pussy,” he mumbles, staring at it. The press of his wet digits between the lips of your cunt sends an electric shock through you that has you throwing your head back. He wastes no time, gathering the mix of his saliva and your juices on his two fingers, pressing them inside you.

A loud moan leaves you at how his fingers slightly stretch your tight walls. He’s pumping them in and out fast, crooking them to slide against that magical spot that blurs your vision.

“Yeah, you fuckin’ missed me, didn’t ya?” he asks.

“Yes,” you gasp.

It sounds wet between your legs, hearing the slide of his digits fucking into you, his thumb rubbing against your swollen clit.

“Nobody else made you come like me. And why’s that, baby?” he rasps, low.

The muscles in your belly have begun tightening, his free hand grabbing at your breasts and teasing your nipples, the sensations ramping up your pleasure.

“‘Cause it’s yours!”

“That’s fuckin’ right,” he growls. “This pussy is mine.”

He doesn’t stop his ministrations when he leans over you, his hand on your chest moving up to wrap his fingers around your throat, squeezing lightly to make you see stars.

“You gonna come for me?” he asks. “Gonna be my good girl and come all over my fingers? Let me have it.”

Everything comes to a head, and you’re falling over the edge, your back arching, body tensing, coming with a moan of his name. Waves of euphoria erupt from your center, spreading out to your fingers and toes as he continues working you through your high to help you ride it out.

“There it is,” he says. “My good fuckin’ girl.”

Your mind is hazy, thoughts feeling slow and syrupy thick, almost positive you haven’t come that hard since the last time Joel paid you a visit.

“You’re still my favorite,” you slur. He lets go of your throat as you lie back on the bed, blissed out.

“I better fuckin’ be,” he replies, removing his hand from between your legs. “You haven’t even been here a damn day.”

“I’m not doing that here,” you offhandedly comment.

It’s silent for a second.

“If this is your last time, can I pay for the entire night?” he asks. “They don’t have ration cards here, but I can trade for things you might need or do work around here. I can find some way to pay you.”

Your eyes open, squinting as you sit back up. “I’m not charging you for this, Joel. You’re not my customer here. I’m having sex with you because I missed you and want to have sex with you.”

His eyebrows lift. “Oh. Well, fuck, in that case, is this a one-time thing, or…?”

Raising your brow, you answer, “Depends on if you fuck as good as I remember.”

His eyes narrow. “I’ll fuckin’ remind you why you always made time for me,” he says, working open the buttons on his flannel shirt.

It’s off in seconds, getting a glimpse of his torso before he’s bending down to untie his boots that he kicks off when he stands back up.

Usually, he kept his clothes on, so there weren’t many times that Joel got fully naked when you were together in the past. With all the skin on display, your eyes take in the scars littering the parts of his body he bares—there’s a new one on his lower abdomen that someone clearly had to suture, the skin puckered.

He’s so broad, his chest so wide, seeing the strength and loving how his belly is a little soft. Your eyes follow the trail of coarse hair below his navel, leading to his hard cock, bobbing between his legs as he pushes down his jeans and gets them off.

He’s incredibly attractive, and yet you have no idea his age, never asking because it wasn’t any of your business, but now he’s no longer your paying client.

“How old are you?” you ask.

Standing at his full height, you watch him spit onto his fingers, using them to languidly stroke over his cock.

“Fifty-eight.”

“You look fantastic for your age.”

“Thanks.” His eyes meet yours, and he’s moving forward to drag himself through your wet slit. “How old are you?”

“Not fifty-eight.” You wink. “I’ll tell you if you buy me a drink.”

“Deal.”

Apparently, he’s done talking, notching himself at your entrance and snapping his hips forward to bury himself inside you in one smooth thrust. Moaning in unison, your hands claw at the bedding from how he fills you, falling back against the mattress.

He’s big.

He’s the biggest man you’ve ever been with, feeling the delicious burn at how he’s stretching you and so full it’s brimming on too much.

“So tight,” he groans. “Fuck, I missed bein’ inside you.” He’s got your legs over his arms to keep you open for him.

His hips bump into yours, giving you a second to get used to him, and you can’t get over how good it feels to have him inside you again; how right. Once you’re relaxed, he’s pulling almost all the way out and pushing back in hard. With how wet you are, he moves with ease, setting up a hard, steady pace that has your head spinning.

“Miss bein’ split open on my cock?” His voice is deeper, the words slipping through gritted teeth.

“Yes,” you gasp.

Looking up at him, his eyes are dark pools stuck on the jiggle of your chest, his eyebrows creased, and teeth bared. Sweat is shining on his skin, a flush working its way from his chest up his neck to his cheeks, grey strands of his hair sticking wetly to his forehead.

You press your tits together with your hands, tweaking your stiff nipples while he watches with rapt attention, licking his lips.

“You fuck me so good, Joel,” you moan. “I missed this. I missed you. You feel so good inside me.”

Heat is coiling in your tummy, winding tighter with every push and pull of his hips.

He leans forward, his pace speeding up while he bats away your hands to roughly palm at your breasts, pinching your nipples.

“Fuck,” he groans, seeing his throat work as he swallows hard, and you can tell he’s close.

All of a sudden, he’s standing back up with a grunt. “Hands and knees,” he orders, smacking your hip. “I’m gonna give you what you want.”

What he says makes you throb, excited for what’s about to happen. He pulls out, and enthusiastically, you’re flipping over and getting up into position with your knees at the end of the bed, sticking your ass out, presenting it to him.

His palm slides along your spine as he sheathes himself back inside, making you whimper at how much deeper he is like this.

Gripping your hips tightly, he fucks into you, slowly building up to a punishing pace, pounding into you like he’s finally letting go of all his pent-up frustration and anger he’s bottled up since the last time he was with you. Using you to relieve his stress just like before, allowing him to take it all out on you. His thrusts are knocking the wind from your lungs and stuttering your moans, hearing the slap of his flesh meeting yours and the squelching of his cock working in and out of your slippery cunt.

Perspiration builds on your temples, his body colliding with yours, and you’re in heaven. Your eyes are closed, taking what he’s giving you, pleasure cutting through you at the slick slide of his dick spearing into you over and over again.

A hand comes down on your ass in a loud slap, the sting making you clench and gasp at the heady rush you get, pushing back for more.

“Is this what you wanted?” he grits out, his pace never waning. His hand lands again. “You like this? You want more?”

“Yes!” you sob.

His other hand makes contact with your plump flesh, going back and forth until you’re mewling.

His fingers are digging into your waist, the heat at the base of your spine is growing rapidly. Your arms give out, and you lay your head on them, drooling from the onslaught—your heated skin is buzzing with every nerve alight in bliss, red-hot pleasure scorching in your belly, knowing you’re not going to last much longer.

Words are spilling from your lips incoherently, Joel grunting behind you, your entire body trembling, something big building inside you, thinking you might explode.

No one has ever wrecked you like Joel does.

You’re a mess.

A puddle of a person.

He’s so deep it feels like he’s reaching nirvana inside you with every hard stroke. Pleasure has taken over your senses as it grows and expands inside you til you hit your breaking point, shattering around him with a cry of his name, coming so hard, he gets pushed out of you with a wet gush that splatters onto his thighs.

A long, low guttural “Fuck,” sounds from behind you, hot ropes of his come landing on your fluttering hole and the puffy lips of your sex.

You feel wrung out, and there’s a possibility you might actually pass out.

Hands spread your asscheeks, humming in the back of your throat when Joel’s tongue licks through his mess, feeling the vibrations of him groaning and the scratch of his beard against your sensitive skin. He makes another pass and another, not stopping until he’s gotten every last drop of his spend.

He smacks your ass when he’s finished, the mattress springs complaining, and you jostle when he falls onto it beside you.

In the past, once Joel came on his place of choice, he’d take a minute to collect himself, then pay and leave.

What you don’t expect is him pulling you into his arms and spooning you from behind with his nose buried in your hair while hugging you close.

The latter is better.

Much better.

And simply nice.

It didn’t matter you both were drenched in sweat and other bodily fluids—you've been grosser.

Minutes pass where the only sounds are your labored breathing—ten, twenty, twenty-five.

“Wanna spend the night?” your voice is hoarse when you ask.

He nuzzles into you, squeezing you tighter.

“Yeah, but I have to be up early to meet my kid for breakfast.”

His answer has your brain screeching to a halt, wondering if you heard him right.

“What did you say?” you ask.

He turns his head to speak more clearly.

“I’m gonna stay the night, but I’ll have to leave in the mornin’ to meet my kid for breakfast.”

He didn’t have any children in Boston…

“How old are they?”

There’s a smile in his voice when he answers, “She turned sixteen last month.”

The math isn’t adding up…

“Joel?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you secretly have a kid in Boston I didn’t know about?”

You’d been to the apartment he shared with Tess a few times when she was away, and there were no signs of children.

“No. Ellie came into my life a couple of years ago or so.”

Around the time he disappeared from yours.

“Oh, she’s adopted.”

“And a pain in my ass,” he says in a fond tone.

“So, you’ve got a daughter now. Probably should’ve asked before I started sucking your dick, but are you seeing anyone?”

“No.”

For some odd reason you can’t explain, the answer relieves you.

“Single dad. That’s very sexy.”

“I’m glad you think so. What about you? Are you seein’ anyone?”

“Me? No. Been too busy trying to stay alive.”

“I know what that’s like. Do I still fuck as good as you remember?”

A huff of air leaves your nose. “Yes.”

“Wanna get that drink with me tomorrow night?”

Smiling, you answer, “I’d love to.”

There’s knocking on the door, and you’re wondering who would stop by after seven p.m., thinking maybe it’s one of your friends you traveled with or a neighbor welcoming you to the community.

Joel groans as he gets up, heading toward your bathroom while you grab a blanket off the bed to cover yourself.

Unlocking the front door, you hide your body behind it so all they can see is your face as you crack it open, finding a teenage girl on the other side.

“Hi, can I help you?” you ask.

“Hi! I’m sorry for bothering you, but I live in the house—” She points behind her with her thumb at the home you share the property with, “—and I didn’t know you moved in until Tommy told me at dinner and I wanted to make sure you knew who I was so you don’t try to kill me or some shit when I sneak out of the house in the middle of the night when the guy I live with is asleep.”

She said a lot of things, but what you’re stuck on is—

“The guy you live with…? Is he your boyfriend or something?”

The girl makes a disgusted face and gags.

“Gross!” she exclaims. “No! He’s basically my dad, but I don’t call him that ‘cause it’d be fucking weird.”

Your eyes widen, closing the door a little more so she can’t see past you.

“What’s your name?” you ask.

“Ellie.” Oh, fuck. “What’s yours?”

After introducing yourself, you ask her, “What’s your adopted dad’s name?”

“Oh, yeah, you should know that. I’m surprised he hasn’t come by to talk to you yet.” She looks around like she thinks she’ll spot him in the backyard. “I actually have no fucking idea where he is. Probably the bar,” she says with a shrug. “His name’s Joel.”

“What does he look like?” She’s entertaining, and you want to hear her description.

“Oh, he’s old as fuck and big—” She spread her arms wide, and you smile. “—but not in a fat way, like in a big, strong man way?” That’s accurate. “He always looks fucking grumpy or like someone pissed in his coffee.” Also true. “So, if you see an old, grumpy man who barely talks to you, it’s most likely Joel. Wait, come have breakfast with us in the morning and you can meet him! We meet at the mess hall at eight!”

“No, no, Joel doesn’t sound like a people person. I don’t want to bother him.”

“Everyone bothers him. You should still come. I’ll save you a seat.”

“Maybe. Well, it’s been nice meeting you, Ellie. Hopefully, I’ll come across this elusive Joel.”

“He’s a grumpy asshole, but he’s still polite and will definitely stop by at some point to introduce himself, which you should tell him I stopped by like a good, responsible neighbor.”

“A good, responsible neighbor who wants to make sure I don’t try to kill them when they sneak out of their house.”

“Yeah! You get it.” She gives you a double thumbs up. “Alright, it was nice meeting you!” She walks backward, saluting you. “I hope you’ll come to breakfast tomorrow!”

“We’ll see!”

With that, you close the door and lock it.

Turning around, you glare at the man who peeks his head out of the bathroom.

“Is she gone?” he asks quietly.

“I live in your backyard?”

“Yeah, I woulda told you, but we didn’t do much talkin’. Did she leave?” he asks again.

“Yes,” you answer, walking over to the bed and tossing the blanket onto it. You’re in desperate need of a shower even though you took one earlier, heading towards Joel.

“I can’t believe she sneaks out when I’m sleepin’,” he sounds genuinely betrayed, and you think it’s adorable.

“She’s a teenager, Joel. It’s what teenagers do.” Slipping past him, you turn on the shower, the sound of roaring water filling the air.

A long sigh leaves him.

“Are you comin’ to breakfast?” He’s still naked, his arms crossed over his chest, resting his hip against the bathroom sink.

Your head snaps toward him. “Do you want me at breakfast?”

There’s the tiniest smile on his face. “I want you for breakfast, but don’t mind if you eat with us. Just, uh—” He scratches at his mustache. “—don’t mention how we know each other…”

“No shit, Joel. We’re just old friends.”

“Yeah, old friends…”

“There you go.”

There’s a curious expression on his face.

“You really enjoy fuckin’ me for free?”

You snort, getting in under the warm spray and closing the shower curtain behind you—bless Jackson and heated plumbing. “Yes, Joel.”

It’s a bathtub/shower combination, and he follows you in.

Your face is under the water, feeling lips press to your shoulder from behind, blazing a path to the side of your neck, goosebumps rising on your skin.

Turning to wash your back, there’s an odd look on his face, his eyes a little bigger, not knowing what’s going on when his hands gently cradle your jaw.

A surprised sound leaves you when his mouth claims yours in a searing kiss—something he’s never done before and refused in the past. His lips are plush, melting into him as he kisses the air straight from your lungs.

It feels like there’s been a shift, the walls he always kept up with you crumbling from showing genuine interest in him without a payment.

There comes a point when you’re aching for air and break away with a gasp while his lips streak across your jaw and down your neck, sucking on your pulse point.

“Joel?” you pant.

His head comes up to meet your eyes, his chest rising and falling hard.

“I’ve always liked you,” you tell him. “If I wasn’t desperate in Boston, I never would’ve charged you for your time—that’s how much I enjoy fucking you. Add in you making it all the way here alive, and how cute you are when you talk about your kid; I like you even more. I’ve always liked you, Joel.”

He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the edges.

“I’ve always liked you, too, baby.” His mouth descends on yours once more.

Masterlist

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#pedro pascal #joel miller #joel miller/reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #wheresarizona writes

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fairysluna · 3 months

Note

I have a request 🙄🤭 threesome cregan Jace and reader no plot just smut maybe? Either modern or not

MASTERLIST

Hope you like this story made especially for you!! please enjoy it and thank you for sending this request🤍 This is the first threesome I've ever written, so this is complete new territory for me, I hope I did good tho.💀

Reblogs, comments and feedback are highly appreciated!

PAIRING — Cregan Stark x Fem!Reader x Jacaerys Velaryon.

TAGS — canon!time, targcest (brother/sister), porn w/o plot, smut (threesome, F/M/M, oral sex - both receiving, face fucking, p in v, slight degrading, breeding, praising, spit, pussy slapping, belly buldge, overstimulation, aftercare), cursing, a tiny bit of cregan x jace, cregan and reader are betrothed, dom!cregan/switch!jace/sub!reader. If something is missing let me know!!

WORD COUNT — 2k.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤenglish is not my first language.

Cregan loved to hear how overstimulated you were. His hands were gripping your thighs - keeping your legs spreaded. He saw how Jacaerys was eagerly lapping at your throbbing clit, moaning and whimpering against your flesh. You were crying already, tears of raw pleasure streaming down your face as your entire body trembled between his arms. You were barely able to hold it together anymore, laying against Cregan's chest - eyelids closing by themselves.

Jacaerys, your sweet brother, had no intention to stop. His tongue doing wonders as he dived it inside of you - his nose rubbing against your clit. His face was red and sweaty, covered in your slick after stealing three orgasm from you - yet it seemed he hadn't had enough. Your hips would twitch, trying to squirm away from his hungry mouth without success.

“Please, stop! It's- it's too much… I can't!” you mumbled, digging your nails in Cregan's arm. “Jace- Jace, please…”

The youngest man looked up from his position, his tongue still attached to your folds, slowly circling around your swollen pearl while his deep, brown eyes stared at you through a layer of lust. He searched for Cregan's approval, and he denied it.

“Don't listen to her,” he huskily said. His hot breath against your neck caused shivers down your spine. “She's a tough girl, right? I bet she can handle another one.”

“M-my lord… please…”

“What kind of host would I be if I don't make sure my guests are satisfied?” A deep laugh followed his words, a simple sound that almost pushed you over the edge. “Your dear brother hasn't finished his meal yet, be a good princess and keep your legs open for him, okay? He’ll know when it's enough.”

Jacaerys followed Lord Stark's words, indulging further in your taste until you were nothing but a mess between their arms. He would use his fingers to tease your entrance, pushing them in and then pulling them out to lick you off. He repeated this action multiple times, until you were cumming on his face once again and coating his long fingers with your slick. He hummed, delighted to drink from you, enjoying the sweetness of your release and devouring every single drop that came out of you.

Once he finally decided to pull away, you sighed - relieved that he had finally stopped and gave you time to rest. Cregan cooed against your ear, praising you with soft words as his thumbs wiped the tears that had fallen down your warm cheeks.

“Such a good job,” he murmured. “Taking everything we give you, huh?.”

“I'll never get tired of her taste,” Jacaerys added- almost in a whine, caressing your thighs. “So sweet, and so addictive.”

“Oh. Do you hear how greatly your brother speaks of you? He's so sweet, so nice to you- to us…” he added, looking at the Prince who was kneeling in bed in front of the both of you. “I think you should reward him for what he has done to you.”

Jacaerys whimpered, thrilled with the idea.

“Look at him, princess,” Cregan added, stretching his arm and holding Jace's cheek. His thumb brushed against his plump lips. “Our poor Prince has his lips sore after eating your sweet little cunt for too long ”

You observed in awe how your brother parted his lips to receive Cregan's thumb inside his mouth - his tongue twirling around his digit as his brown eyes glint with lust. A moan escaped from you, feeling the arousal pooling on your soaked flesh. The neediness inside your body only increased once you saw your lordship bringing his thumb to his own mouth, and tasting the mixture of your juices and Jace's drool. Your mouth parted, bewitched by the scene.

“Mhm…” he groaned in approval, “it still tastes like you.” He let out a throaty chuckle. “I suppose now it's time for you to give your dear brother a reward for what he did to you. He deserves it after being such a good boy, isn't that right?”

“Yes,” you breathed out, agreeing with him.

“What if… you suck his cock while I fuck you with mine? Doesn't that sound good?” Cregan proposed with a smile.

“Please,” your brother replied before you did.

Cregan looked at you for your consent and you effusively nodded - a satisfied smile appeared on his face.

You sighed tiredly once you felt his arms wrapping around your body and moving you around as if you were his doll. He did it so effortlessly, positioning you on your back with your head almost hanging from the edge of the bed and with a pillow below your hips. You noticed how he signed to your brother and he immediately moved until he was standing in front of your face - his leaking tip just mere inches away from your drooling mouth.

“Spread your legs for me,” Cregan commanded, and you immediately obeyed. Your exposed flesh was burning red, drenching with all the stimulation it had before, glistening under the dim lights of the candles and the fireplace. “So pretty…” he murmured, using his thumb to play with your clit, slowly drawing circles on it - you mewled. “I understand why your brother is so obsessed with you, my princess. You have the prettiest cunt in the whole fucking realm.”

He pulled away, enough to stand up from the bed and get rid of his pants. Seconds later, his hardness stood proudly as he crawled back at you, bouncing with every movement he made until he was towering your smaller frame. Cregan gathered his drool on his mouth to then let it fall right on top of your folds - he spreaded it with the head of his cock and, before you knew it, he was slowly stretching your tightness. Your walls would clamp around him, involuntarily trying to push him out as he struggled to sink deeper into you.

“Seven hells,” he grunted, “you're still struggling to take me, huh? Guess I'll have to fuck you more often then.”

As you felt the air leaving your legs with each thrust, you saw Jacaerys grabbing his cock and giving a few strokes at it. With his tip, he tapped on your swollen lips and you opened wide to receive him too. “There you go…” you heard him saying, before he let you wrap your mouth against him. “Mhm… so good,” he praised you.

The whine that escaped you once Cregan was fully sheathed on you was muffled due to your stuffed mouth. Both men moaned at the same time, looking at your body laying there, ready to be used as they pleased.

Gods, they truly loved their little princess.

Cregan was not being very patient as other times, and he quickly started to pound roughly against you, holding your hips to keep you in place as the movement made you take Jace deeper in your mouth. The youngest man started to move his hips too, unable to be still and longing for more - obsessed with the sight of your breasts bouncing in your chest with each thrust.

The main room in the Winterfell castle soon was filled with desperate panting and moaning. The sound of Cregan's body slamming against yours was buzzing in your ears while he managed to hit every right place inside your soft walls, abusing that sweet spot that would make you see stars behind your eyelids. All while you were choking around Jacaerys' cock, who was moving himself deeper with each passing second.

Both of your brother's hands wrapped around your throat to find some stability, this gesture made you cry out in pleasure - loving the way you felt with his hands around your neck.

“Come on, little one,” he grunted as he looked down at your drooling mouth, receiving him so eagerly while you gagged and gulped around him. “I know you can take me deeper… Go on- oh fuck, just like that… shit.”

“Who would've thought that our Princess was such a good slut?” Cregan added, breathless as dig his nails on your hips. “Can't wait to marry our little whore and fill her with my seed until she's round with my pups…” The way your walls squeezed him so tightly made him know that you loved the idea too. “Perhaps I'll let your brother fill this cunny too, mhm? Bet you would love it- fuck… ”

Jacaerys hands involuntarily tightened his grip around your throat, and you knew he was getting closer. “Fuck- M’so close…” he whined. “Fuuck…”

“Imagine it, my prince,” Cregan teased him, smirking as he locked eyes with him. “Her pretty cunny leaking with your seed, her belly filled and round. Isn't that such a pretty sight?”

“Y-yes…” he mumbled, struggling to keep his movements steady. “Oh, fuck… yes.”

His eyes closed as he leaned his head back, and suddenly his length escaped from your lips - you gasped. He peaked right there, letting a few drops of his seed spurt on your breasts before he would put his cock back into your mouth so you could swallow the rest. You eagerly licked it all, cleaning him as felt his legs getting weak with the subtle overstimulation you were providing him - yet, it felt too delicious to stop.

“What a piece of art,” Cregan mumbled, seeing your skin being tainted by pearly drops. “So fucking pretty.”

Jacaerys fell on his knees next to you, you felt his hand slipping down your body as Lord Stark pounded against you like a savage. Your brother's fingers found your swollen pearl, slowly stroking it while you were being filled. Cregan groaned in approval, fastening his pace.

The creamy sound of your juices covering his cock was so obscene, bringing a slight embarrassment to you - Gods, you were so wet. With the overstimulation you were receiving once again, you felt closer to edge faster than you thought.

“Come on, my pretty girl,” Jace cooed in your ear as he peppered soft kisses around it. “I know you're so close… you were so good to us, letting us use you as we pleased. You deserve to cum.”

His fingers stopped tracing figures on your clit, only to replace it with soft taps against your sensitive flesh. You mewled.

“Look how deep Cregan is,” he mentioned with a smirk. “I can see it in your tummy…”

“M’so close…” you mumbled. “Gods! Please, I need it so bad…”

Jace removed his hand from your core, taking it to your mouth where he slipped in two fingers. You receive them eagerly, twirling your tongue around it and sucking them off as you taste yourself. Meanwhile, Cregan grabbed the back of your legs, pressing your thighs against your body and going deeper and harder against you. You tried to keep up with the intensity of it all, but it was too much - tears were falling down your face as you were fucked against the mattress, barely able to move.

“Come on, let me feel you, princess,” he grunted as he buried his face on your neck. “Want you to fall apart in my arms…”

Your skin was burning and you were gasping, trying to fill your lungs with the air they needed - Cregan would grunt against your skin, being loud and shameless as he was about to reach his peak. You suddenly felt the waves of an intense orgasm washing over you as you released your pleasure in spurs, soaking the sheets beneath you and your Cregan's hair trail. That sight must have been the limit for him, who immediately filled you up with his seed, covering your insides with his pearly drops until it started to leak out of you.

His body pressed against yours as he tried to calm down. His length would twitch inside you each time you clenched around him, until he was absolutely dried and spent.

Jacaerys went to look for something to clean you up, almost moaning when he saw Cregan pulling out of you and his seed oozing from your entrance. Such an obscene view had both men drooling.

You were too tired to even move, so after they made sure to wipe out the sticky mess between your legs, they grabbed your body and took you to the center of the bed - laying between them. Right in that moment, you felt like you were in heaven, being pampered by the two men you loved the most and receiving all the attention you desired.

The fact that this was your future brought a smile on your face.

follow @by-fairysluna for updates!

#cregan stark #jacaerys velaryon #house of the dragon #cregan stark x reader #jacaerys velaryon x reader #cregan stark x jacaerys velaryon x reader #f/m/m #hotd fanfic #hotd smut

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trcpicoz · 3 months

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/trcpicoz/740049969906647040/send-in-some-ideas-preferably-smut?source=share

Here me out!

Dom!Pedri x Sub!Reader, where she's riding pedri and he's just cooing and mocking hear moans and she just kind of get piss off so in order to make up to her he gave her the most desiring rough sex

(sorry 😔 just that man makes me so horny)

𝐃𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

author’s note: sorry this took longer than expected i hope you like it <3

masterlist

warnings: smut 18+, dom!pedri, sub!reader, rough sex, neck grabbing, oral m receiving, creampie

“ay papi fuck” you moaned as you rid his shaft satisfying your walls covering his length in your arousal.

pedri laughed at your moans “it’s so easy to make you moan and cum for me i don’t even have to try i just let you bounce on my dick”

“shut the fuck up pedri” you climbed off of him and sat on the bed facing away from him. his words bothered you. pedri was much more experienced than you, in fact, you lost your virginity to pedri. he always lasted longer than you in bed, always overstimulating your clit and fucking you through the night with multiple rounds edging himself.

“oh so you��re mad princesa?” pedri whispers into your ear making you weak and vulnerable. “i’m sorry i didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” pedri began to kiss your neck licking it and leaving hickeys to mark his territory. “i know you’ve been wanting it rough and if you want i can make it up to you with that but the last time we did that i wasn’t as strong as i am now i don’t want to hurt that sweet tight pussy of yours” pedri built up so much muscle and you had to admit he was so much stronger even his gentle thrusts feel more powerful and you loved it, you loved how weak and submissive you felt when he thrusted between your folds.

"you wont hurt me baby i trust you please just fuck me and treat me like your princess" you leaned your head back to talk to him kissing his lips while he fondled your breasts moaning into your mouth.

pedri grabbed your neck tight enough to feel his strength and dominance over you but careful enough not to hurt his princess. “be a good girl, get on both knees and service me”.

you followed his orders and sat on your knees. pedri stood in front of you “i know you’ve never gotten face fucked have you?”

“what’s tha-”

before you could finish the question pedri had grabbed you hair to move it out of the way and also get a good grip on you. “open your mouth and find out”. pedri spit in your mouth and stuck his throbbing shaft down your throat. the gagging noises were music to his ears “sí amor you follow instructions so well always obeying my every command”. pedri fucked the hell out of your throat beginning to make it sore from his heavy thrusts.

“baby fuck me”

pedri hated when you told him what to do. “good girls ask nicely”

“pedri please papi please fuck me”

pedri picked you and layed you on the bed. he threw your legs over his shoulders and spit on your folds letting his tip glide on your entrance teasing your clit. “will you be able to take me?”

“yes” you started rubbing your clit desperate for pleasure coating your fingers with your wetness. pedri gently removed your hand from your folds and sucked the arousal off your fingertips.

“let me fuck you baby” pedri entered your folds and stroked slow but rough making you moan with every thrust inside you. pedri grabbed your neck from behind and increased his speed. the sounds of your wetness were music to his ears, every stroke sending shocks of passion through your veins.

“i wanna look at you when you fuck me” you whined barely able to talk from the stimulation and of cock.

pedri turned you over grabbing both sides of your waist as he fucked you hard and fast making you moan his name until he got closer to climaxing.

“are you almost there baby?” you could feel your clit pulsating at the same rhythm of his shaft feeling more connected to his body than ever before. pedri spat on your clit and rubbed it until you came for him shaking from the intense orgasm he gave you.

“where should i cum?”

“inside me”

he finished in your folds. his arousal leaked out of you dripping down your legs.

“you did so well baby. let’s get cleaned up and i’ll get you whatever you want to eat. i need to make sure you get the princess treatment you deserve”

#footballer x reader #footballer smut #footballer x you #footballer x y/n #pedri #pedri gonzalez x reader #pedri fanfic #pedri one shot #pedri x y/n #pedri x you #pedri smut #pedri x reader #pedri imagine #pedri gonzalez

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corpsebasil · 1 year

Text

Quit Staring

ethan brainrot dont talk to me this got me like 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

The Halloween party was loud. Extremely loud, and you could barely hear yourself think, let alone the guy that was attempting to hit on you.

“So like, I’ve got this cool new game upstairs. It’s called a Ouija Board and you talk like, to the dead and shit. Wanna try it out?”

What.

“Ouija? The game literally everyone knows about?” You took a long sip of your watered down vodka red-bull and looked the frat boy up and down. “You know there’s a movie right?”

“Ah whatever.” He seemed to be slurring a bit, blinking lazily at you. “Nice dress by the way. What are you, an angel?”

You only stared, wondering if barking at him would make him go away, when an arm slid around your waist and pulled you into their chest. You tensed before realizing it was just Ethan; he’d lost his helmet at some point in the night and his dark hair was a tad bit sweaty.

“She’s Juliet.” He told the guy, gesturing to his knight costume and your angel wings. “I’m Romeo.”

“Is that, like, a movie?” The frat boy asked, peering at you in confusion. You almost gawked.

“Dude are you serious?” Ethan’s eyebrow raised. The frat boy, looking suddenly a bit embarrassed, found himself somewhere else to be. “Jesus, what an idiot.”

You snorted and pulled away, turning to face him. He seemed a little tipsy but not too bad, his expression warm and eyes soft as they stared down at you.

“Thanks for saving me.” You said, reaching out to adjust his costume a bit. “I thought I was actually losing brain cells.”

“Yeah he—”

“Ohmygoood.” A girl cooed, pausing in front of the two of you. You raised your brows and took a sip from your rapidly emptying cup. “I love that movie.” The side eye Ethan gave you was so astronomical you almost spit out your drink. “Wow. And Leo is so hot, right?” She continued, oblivious to the both of you’s disinterest.

But when she laid her hand on his shoulder, smiling flirtatiously, you felt something strangely territorial run over you. If knives could be magically produced by your vision this sorority sister’s hand would fall off.

“You don’t really look like Leo, though.” She said and you moved forward, wrapping your arm around Ethan’s waist. Her eyes widened and she immediately moved back, to her credit. You almost admired her rapid retreat. “Oh shit. I’m sorry. I’m drunk. Are two you a couple?”

“Yeah—” Ethan said, at the same time as you said, “Couple of besties.”

Ethan turned his head to look at you and you avoided his stare, sure you would laugh if you saw what would most likely be his amused expression as well. The girl whistled under her breath and nodded, mumbling ‘okayyy’ under her breath as she moved away.

The second she was gone you laughed, pulling Ethan closer to you and glancing up at him. He was looking down at you with a quizzical expression on his face, his brows knit. You shook him a little, an awkward laugh leaving your mouth.

“Quit staring at me, E.” You teased. You tousled his curls and grabbed his hand, dragging him along with you. “Come on. I say we get super drunk, go to my place, and order takeout. I would massacre a small town for a Caesar salad and a Diet Coke—what?”

He’d tugged you to a stop, those brown eyes of his on your face.

“Do you—” he started, seeming hesitant, and you smiled.

“Do I what?” When he didn’t speak you took his face in your hands, ignoring the stunned expression he now wore. Lord, you must’ve been tipsier than you’d thought. “Spit it out E.”

He swallowed.

“Do you like me?”

Your eyes narrowed, thinking, before you let out a laugh. He tensed, mouth forming into a frown, but you only giggled, running your thumbs across his cheeks, not allowing him to pull back from your grip.

“Of course, E, what the fuck?” You tugged him forward and his breath hitched, but he let out a cry of protest, batting you away when you placed an extremely wet, extremely loud kiss to the side of his face.

“Jesus, Y/N.” He wiped at his cheek, glaring, but you could tell he was holding back a laugh. “That was awful.”

“I could try again.”

“I’m extremely seduced, thank you. Good god.” He wiped at his face a couple more times, cringing, before allowing you to yank him towards the drink tables.

An hour or so later the two of you sat bundled up in your bed, eyes glued to the screen as you watch Girl vs. Monster.

You had insisted on watching a classic horror movie and, when Ethan had asked if you wanted to see Stab 1 or Halloween or something, you’d opened up Disney Plus. Of course Ethan, being Ethan, only pretended to protest before he’d gotten into the film.

“These outfits are questionable.” He said, taking a long sip from your Diet Coke. He had his arm wrapped around you, you snuggled up into his side. “I mean, extremely.”

“This is peak Disney Channel fashion.” You argued, glancing up at him, he pressed his lips together in a smile that made him look so boyish, so adorable, that your stomach dropped. “They um—” You looked away, your face warming. “If you think this is bad you should’ve seen Shake It Up.”

“Wait, do you know that scene in Camp Rock where the girl’s playing the keyboard thingy and it’s awful and everyone pretends it’s great?”

“She’s really good.” You gasped, and Ethan’s laugh made you grin.

He tugged you further up onto to him and propped his chin on your head, his free arm looping over your waist so that he held you completely in his grasp. You felt his fingers twitch against your stomach, him getting adjusted and comfortable, and when he’d finally settled he began running his fingers lazily back and forth over your stomach.

You swallowed.

You weren’t sure why you felt like your skin was buzzing, your heartbeat quickening as you felt his chest rise and fall against your back.

“E?” You whispered, and heard the vibration of his hmmm? run through you. “When you uh,” you took in a slow breath when his arms tightened a fraction around you. “when you asked me if I liked you, what did you mean?”

His movements stilled and he sighed, shrugging. You turned in his grip to face him, your eyes searching his own.

“What did you mean?” You pressed, your cheeks flushed as you stared at your friend. He seemed to take in your expression with a hint of surprise, then with encouragement, as he reached out ran his fingers through your hair.

“I think you know what I meant.” He said, those doe eyes finding your own, and he’d barely opened his mouth to say something—you didn’t know what—before you lunged forward and kissed him.

He let out a noise of surprise that quickly turned into a sigh as you pressed your mouth against his own, clutching his shirt in your hands as his arms slid further around your back. You moved away a fraction to look at him as he pulled you to straddle his lap, and the smile he gave you was so gorgeous you screamed internally.

You felt like you needed to take a lap, to run around, to call Ethan and tell him what just— You wanted to tell Ethan about himself. Good god, this was what you got for kissing your friends.

“So I’m assuming you do like me?” He teased, biting nervously on his bottom lip, and you leaned in to kiss him again. This time it was slower, your mouth parting his own as you licked into him, and he groaned. “You have no idea,” he whispered, moving his hands to touch your face, “how long I’ve had a crush on you for.”

The butterflies you felt were insane. Especially when he asked, kissing you softly, “will you please be my girlfriend already?”

You laughed and nodded, slipping your fingers into his hair.

this shit got my kicking my FEET

#ethan landry #ethan landry x reader #fluff #just pure fluff #friends to lovers #scream six #scream 6 #ethan landry fanfiction

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dolldefiler · 25 days

Text

I’d love to go on dates with a girl as horny as I am.

We’d go to the movies and she’d gag on my cock amidst the sounds of guns blazing and swelling music. She’d spit and drool all over my shaft, leaving a pool of fluids from her worship. She’d sit up just as the movie would finish, and I’d dab a little cum away from the corner of her mouth, watching as she licks it off my finger.

We’d go to the library, where I’d eat her out while she sits on a book trolley. She’d try so hard to keep quiet in the silence of that forest of books. My tongue would flick against her clit as she’d cover her mouth and struggle to hold her moan. I’m sure some nosy librarian would check on us. We’d stand up and pretend to look around at the books, my hand busily fingering her under that short, slutty skirt of hers.

We’d mark every inch of the town with our cum and spit, fucking in secret until we get caught. Even then, we’d return and mark that territory with our fluids. It’d be a terrible amount of fun.

#fluff

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xveenusx · 1 year

Text

Three Seconds

Paring(s): jj maybank x fem!reader

Summary: three seconds is all it takes for things to fall apart

Side note: A lot of my writing is going to be either smut or heavy on the heartbreak lol, very few happy endings

Part 2: And Yet...

———————————————-

One. Two. Three

Three seconds.

One. Two. Three.

Three seconds of silence was all it took for him to completely shut me out. His blonde hair striking against the hue of the sky while his piercing blue eyes stare at me, pleading me to agree.

I opened my mouth to speak yet nothing came out. Instead, a wave of panic spread throughout my body causing an intense feeling of suffocation. My thoughts raced as I realized how serious the situation was.

“We’re sick of your shit.”

“Oh, my shit?” JJ let’s put a humorless laugh before shaking his head.

Kie’s eyes dart to mine before she takes a step towards him, looking at him with such disappointment. “You’re pulling guns on people shit.”

I can tell they’re all waiting for me to jump in, to talk some sense into JJ but for some reason my feet are glued to the floor and my throat is tight and no words are coming out.

Instead, my gaze is locked on the grey duffel bag set at his feet, filled with cash.

Cash that he stole from a drug dealer who had a gun to my head an hour ago.

Anxiety coursed through my veins as my stomach swayed with nausea. I wring my hands together trying to create some type of grounding.

“You need to tell him. Tell him this isn’t what we’re doing.” Pope steps in front of me, his hands gripping my shoulders.

JJ’s gaze was burning a whole right through my head and it took every bit of strength I had to meet his stare head on.

I understood him. Everything he’s ever done, as rash and reckless as he was, there was always a reason. That was something our friends never understood about him, they just played it off as JJ being JJ. This money, as stupid as it was, he needed. It could give him every bit a freedom JJ needed away from his dad.

Luke was cruel and uncaring. Consistently spitting venom at him, reminding of how disappointing and useless JJ is. So, I understand. I would have taken the money too if it gave me some peace away from home.

Sarah and Kie, as sweet and loving as they are, will never understand. They were born Kooks, had homes on figure 8 with parents who love them. They didn’t need this money, but we did. And yet, I knew he couldn’t take the money. We were entering entirely knew territory with gold and guns and there was no certainty that we would be safe.

Barry knew exactly who we were. The moment he pulled the gun, the nuzzle pointed directly at JJ, the boy I’ve been in love with since I was 14, all color drained from my face. My body trembled in fear as I let out a shout and reached for him but Barry switched positions. Suddenly, the gun was pressed against my temple as he shouted demands. But for a brief moment, there was a sense of relief because it was no longer on JJ and I could breathe again. This feeling, this sickening choking panic, I don’t ever want to feel again.

The cut was a small place and if not taking the money meant JJ would be safe then it was a small price to pay. But, I know him. I know he’s not going to understand how I see it but rather take it as a betrayal.

One. Two. Three.

JJ says nothing as his eyes rake over every inch of my face. Three seconds was all it took for him to completely close off.

That choking panic I mentioned earlier? Came back tenth-fold as it finally clicked.

“Jayj…” I reached out to touch his arm, the bracelets I gave him mockingly dangling from his wrist as he jerks away from me.

“Don’t.”

My chest tightened as I drew my hand back, fumbling with my fingers nervously.

JJ ripped his hat off his head before roughly running his hand through his hair. He started to pace, twisting the hat in his hands before stopping in front of all of us.

My heart ached at his obvious distress but I knew my input was the last he wanted now. As far as he was concerned, I didn’t care about him.

Pope let out an exasperated sigh. “You’re acting like a maniac-“

“Pope, I took the fall for you man. Do you know how much money I owe because of you?”

“I’m going to pay you back. I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“I just did. I just did pay it back. “ JJ takes a step forward, pressing his palms on Pope’s chest, shoving him back. “Right here, right now, by myself.”

“Let’s just calm-“ JJ’s glare stopped me in my tracks. He regarded me coldly, his face giving nothing away to the storm that raged in his ice blue orbs.

“Oh what? You suddenly decide you have something to say? Where were you five fucking minutes ago?”

I swallowed hard. “Can I please just explain-“

“Explain what? The fact that you know I need this money and you’re going to act like this is some big moral issue, ” JJ kept his hard set gaze on me, drilling holes into me, daring me to move. “How did you like having a gun pointed at you, huh?”

“You mean the same gun that I stepped in front of because seeing it pointed at you nearly made me sick to my stomach?” I spat, shaking my head at him.

This wasn’t fair. He didn’t get to do this to me. Not now.

He said nothing to me, instead he turned his gaze to the Twinkie, twisting his ring around his finger anxiously.

“JJ, you take this money, you open the door for a whole lot of other shit. You think Barry’s just going to let you take it?”

“Listen to your girlfriend, man.” John B stepped up, clapping JJ on the back.

JJ shrugged him off as he took three quick steps towards me, forcing me to tilt my head up at him.

“What girlfriend?” He spat, his eyes darting in between mine, before settling into a sick satisfaction at my sharp in take of breath.

“JJ-“

“You know what?” He stated, bending down to grab the duffel. “I’m going to go off by myself.”

“You don’t get to do this shit.” I snapped as I reached for the duffel and tugged it towards me. “You want to treat me like shit? Fine, I dont care as long as I don’t find you dead in a ditch.”

JJ blinked at me and said nothing. The only thing giving away his emotion is the tightened grip on the bag.

“Go, then. Since you’re so eager to leave, but you’re not taking the money.” My breath came out short as the anger pounds through my blood.

“Or what? You’re gonna stop me? Last time I checked, I didn't need a god damn hang on.” I wince at the anger in his voice and fight the urge to shut down.

"Stop acting like you don't care , JJ. "

“I expected this from them, but never you.” His ring covered fingers danced along my chin, before he gripped it tightly forcing my eyes on him. “You were supposed to have my back. You told me that you got me, that you understand me. All I know now is that you a fucking liar.”

“I’m trying to protect you.” I plead, “Why can’t you see that?”

JJ scoffs, “Protect me? What do you think is gonna happen if I don’t pay back the restitution?”

“We can find another way-“

“I DONT have anything else.” He shouted in my face, his façade finally cracking under the pressure. “What don’t you understand? This is all I fucking have.”

I felt my grip on the bag weaken as I processed his words. It was normal for JJ to lash out when he felt cornered, but it was never directed at me.

My body trembled as I stared at him with a look I can only describe as broken. “You have me.”

I spoke the words softly knowing if I spoke any louder, the shake in my voice would give me away.

One. Two. Three.

Three seconds was all it took for him to completely and utterly break me.

“That’s not enough.”

Whatever fight I had left, fled from my body as my fingers let go of the duffel. I bit the inside of my cheek, fighting back the tears that threaten to escape.

“You win, JJ.”

My eyes slowly traced every part of his face. From the sun grazed blonde strands that laid in a messy heap on his head, to the bronze tan arms from spending hours out on the waves that complimented his bright blue eyes.

I waited for what felt like hours, but was a mere moment, for JJ to take it back. For him to apologize and pull me into his arms. Instead, we just stared at each other, no one saying a word.

Then, he tilted his head turned around and left, leaving what felt like a blazing trail of carnage in his wake.

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of my body. Small hands wrap themselves around me as my legs suddenly feel like they’ve been kicked out from under me. The familiar sweet scent of Sarah filled my nose, as she pulled me into her arms, physically holding me up.

#jj maybank #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank smut #rudy pankow #rudy pankow smut #obx #obx fanfiction #obx smut #outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks smut #jj maybank angst #outerbanks imagine #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank masterlist #obx3 #outerbanks imagines

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seresinhangmanjake · 1 year

Text

Jealous Jake and the Biting Problem

Jake "Hangman" Seresin x fem!Reader

Summary: Jake Seresin is your friend with benefits, but he doesn’t appreciate finding the evidence of your other sleepover buddy on your body.

Warnings: talk of and almost oral (f receiving), cursing, um…that might be it. That said, it’s still 18+

Note: I wrote this in about a half hour so don’t judge. I’m sure there are mistakes.

Words: 989

Jealous Jake Masterlist

------

You lay with your back flat against your mattress. He pushes your skirt up around your waist, kissing every bare piece of skin as he makes his way down between your legs. With a firm hand he spreads your thighs further and you shiver from his breath softly caressing your pussy.

But then he pauses.

“Wh–” he begins, and you hear the question in his tone before he asks it. “What is this?”

Supported by your elbows, you lean up and peer past your skirt to see his eyes glued to a specific spot on your inner thigh. He runs his finger over the sensitive skin.

“Oh,” you say, “A, uh…bite, I think.” You rub at your temple, trying to gather the foggy drunken memories from the night before. “Yea, definitely a bite.”

His eyes meet yours, anger swirling in mossy-green irises. “Some other guy bit you?”

“Once or twice.”

“Twice?” he snaps, eyebrows shooting up his forehead. “Some other guy bit you twice. Where’s the other one?”

You chuckle when he starts to scan over all visually accessible pieces of your body for similar bruises. “I don’t know, somewhere. I didn’t really keep track, Jake.”

His stare clashes with yours. “So there could be more?”

“I–I guess,” you say, unable to process the rapidity of his questions with your brain still in its aroused haze. “Can we stop talking about this, please? Are you going to eat me out or what?”

Jake stands and you get the full view of his belt buckle hanging open, likely undone when he’d settled between your thighs so he could stroke himself as he licked you–before he got distracted, that is.

He runs long fingers through his hair and chuckles dryly, looking like he’s trying to tamp down a panic attack. “No, I can’t focus now.”

“What!”

His eyes are wild as his hand gestures up and down the length of your body. “You’ve got marks on you that I didn’t make! That’s all I'm going to be able to think about.”

“Jake, are you serious?”

Those hands land on his hips; chest rising and falling at an unusual pace, especially for Jake, who’s rarely anything other than calm, cool, and collected, occasionally even in the midst of absolutely wrecking one another.

“Yes!”

Shrugging as best you can in your position, you say, “Ok, I’ll tell him to back off with the biting. No big deal.”

“Yea, tell him to keep his biters to himself,” he grumbles, “and then he needs to move a hundred miles away.”

At this point, you’re well aware that your dripping pussy is unlikely to be satisfied, so you sit up and let your skirt fall to bunch at the tops of your thighs. “You sound like such a child.”

He releases a scoff and, arm fully extended, points a finger at the door of your bedroom as if the other man is just outside, hanging out in your living room and making himself at home in Jake’s territory. “He’s the one with the biting habit of an annoying toddler!”

“You’ve bitten me too.”

“That is completely different!”

“Because it was you?”

“Exactly!”

You nod and wait for him to take a few breaths to allow for his voice to drop to its usual octave. When he looks calm enough, with a snort you ask, “Should I just get a tattoo below my belly button that says ‘No biting unless you’re Jake Seresin?’.”

“More like ‘No fucking unless you’re Jake Seresin’,” he mumbles under his breath, but you hear it so clearly he might as well have whispered it in your ear.

“Excuse me?”

By the look on his face, he knows he’s been caught. His brow is knitted, lips folded in though it’s way too late to keep his mouth shut. He groans, spits out a curse, shifts his weight to his other foot. “I’m not seeing other women,” he says, calmly for the first time in the night. “I don’t want to, because I only want you, and I want you to only want me.”

If not for the faint pink shade making its way over his cheeks, you’d have thought yourself crazy for hearing those words. Jake Seresin and relationships did not go hand-in-hand as far as you knew. But then again, the two of you started sleeping together about three hours after Phoenix introduced you at the Hard Deck, and relationships never came up. She had joked that he was trouble, but he never actually told you himself that he wasn’t willing to sign his name in the Big Book of Monogamous Men. And you’d be kidding yourself to say you haven’t thought of it. You have a chemistry with him you’ve never known with another man, and when you go out together you always have fun. And you do like him. Plain and simple.

You smirk, but he still looks nervous. “Well, you could’ve just said so.”

“What?”

Rising to your knees, you inch towards him until you’re at the edge of the mattress, your chest flush against his. He’s still frozen as a statue when you wrap your arms around his neck. “Jake, I don’t feel anything for him.” You press a kiss to the line of his jaw, and then another before you pull back. “It’s not like how it is with you. So if you want me, I’m yours.”

His eyes go wide and his lips part from his slackening jaw, then he swallows, adam’s apple bobbing harshly in his throat. “Really? Just like that?”

“I know. Crazy, huh?”

He finally loosens his stiff limbs. His hands fall to their natural place on your waist, fingers pressing into your skin and tugging you impossibly closer. “Fucking insane,” he whispers as he leans in, “But I’m not about to argue with my girl,” and his lips meet yours.

------

tags (if you’re crossed out, it didn’t work for some reason. If I spelled it wrong, let me know) @marvel-ousnesss @thespeeder @nobody7102 @marrianena @fangirlingoverfangirls @blue-aconite @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @dempy @chaoticassidy @alana4610 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @dracosluvbot @smoothdogsgirl @smit41 @wkndwlff @rileyloves5 @gigisimsonmars @hangmanbrainrot @withakindheartx @izzzzy-the-amazing @topguncultleader

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calumfmu · 26 days

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prompt list-39. you are a terrible influence????? eddie please, continuation if you can of youre eddie fic you made where you met at the show and he took you home. pretty please and thank you with a cherry on top

Hiiii !!!

Eddie x reader 18+ (mdni) continuation of this fic based on this prompt list <3

Tangled in your fingers, his hair was nearly matted—being pulled at his scalp, urging moans out of the older boy’s mouth. His lips were pressed to yours, urgent kisses made behind locked doors. It was a prep rally you had snuck out of, Eddie being forced to attend as his graduation status was on the line, and you being you… Hawkins royalty as he called it.

“Eddie…” you dragged out, laughing in between his tongue trying to make stand in your mouth. You welcomed it, leg hitching higher up on his thigh as he began to rut into you.

He hoisted you up on the bathroom sink, sinking to his knees as he began to pull on your skirt. It hadn’t been leather this time, the short chiffon material scratched at your thighs.

“Gotta be quiet, we have, like…” he checked his watch, quickly returning his touch to removing your bottoms. They pulled down quickly, you hissing at the cold air hitting your skin. “Six minutes.”

While boys were familiar to you, sneaking off to bathrooms with the ostracized kid from town was a completely different territory. You had an image to upkeep, and Eddie was always seconds away from ruining it. Sneaking glances at you in the hallway that lingered too long, whispering baby to you in classes where you were supposed to pretend he didn’t exist.

Your protest was cut off with a moan, his lips pressing to your cunt sloppily. His eyes fluttered shut, tongue sticking out to run along the slit. Your grip on his hair tightened, pushing him further into you, your head hitting the scratched mirror behind you.

He sucked at you, loud smacks filling the air as you grinded down onto him, whimpers falling out of your mouth. A finger slipped in as your knee came up to snake onto his shoulder, curling at his neck.

Pulling away, slightly, he glanced down at his wrist again, briefly looking up to you before returning, “Four minutes.”

You laughed, the vibrations of it urging a moan, a complete ricochet that had you whining.

“You are a bad influence, Eddie Munson,” you gasped, arching up as his tongue flicked at you, two fingers now being sucked into your greedy pussy. They curled inside of you, squelching sounds filling the air. Looking down at the mess he was making of you, you were met with Eddie’s eye, the black of his irises narrowing at you.

“I’m the one on my knees here, princess,” he laughed, spitting on your clit, the other hand coming up to rub circles onto it. Mewling, you threw your head back, bucking up into him as you melted, coming undone at his filthiness.

You didn’t know how much longer you were going to last—at the expense of Eddie or his words.

masterlist !

#my writing #prompts #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie Munson blurb #smut #eddie munson smut

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doumadono · 6 months

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sinful sunday - can we have a biker Bakugo with smth like semi-public sex?

Warnings: aged-up Bakugo, biker!Bakugo

SINFUL SUNDAY

Katsuki Bakugo was notorious as a member of one of the most dangerous motorcycle gangs in the city. Their deeds were the stuff of urban legends, and their reputation struck fear into the hearts of both law enforcement and rival gangs.

The gang was known for organizing high-stakes motorcycle races on the dark, winding streets of the city. These races were not only thrilling but also incredibly dangerous, often leading to accidents and clashes with the police. They fiercely defended their territory and expanded it through ruthless confrontations with other motorcycle gangs. These territorial disputes often escalated into violent clashes that left their mark on the city's criminal history. The gang dabbled in various criminal activities, including smuggling, drug trafficking, and theft. Their reputation for being ruthless and efficient at these endeavors meant they often outperformed their rivals.

Katsuki Bakugo's reputation as a member of this dangerous motorcycle gang made him a force to be reckoned with, and he carried that same fiery spirit into his every endeavor.

One fateful day, you found yourself on your knees in a dimly lit alley behind the bistro where you worked. It was a place that he frequented all too often, and his presence not only scared away customers but also made unwelcome advances towards you. This unwanted attention was something you despised, and as you knelt in that narrow alley, you knew you needed a way to put an end to it. Regrettably, the switchblade he brandished in his hand was enough to compel your compliance.

As he slowly unfastened the thick, leather belt and unzipped his fly, a sense of dread washed over you. Soon, he pulled out his dick, pumping the shaft a few lazy times.

You were thankful that he mercifully positioned both of you behind a trash container, shielding you from the view of anyone passing by on the street.

He leaned down, firmly gripping your throat and tilted your head back. "Open your mouth, stick out your tongue," he instructed before spitting into your mouth. Uncomfortable with the humiliation, you began to close your mouth in protest, but Bakugo responded with a sharp, punishing slap aimed to her cheek. "Keep your mouth open, slut."

However, you were reluctant to perform oral sex on him, especially given the circumstances where you felt coerced into it.

The next moment, his now not-so-flaccid dick was right in front of you, and you leaned in, starting to use your tongue to glide along the entire length of the shaft. You took each of his testicles into your mouth, gently sucking on them before finally enveloping your lips around his head. You could hear the pleasure in his exhale, reassuring you that your skills were being appreciated.

You gradually increased the pace, but then Bakugo held your head still and began thrusting forcefully, pushing his dick deep into the back of your throat. You had to carefully time your breaths between each of his thrusts, striving to stay composed and prevent any gagging. At times, he would pause, leaving you breathless, and gaze down into your eyes, gently caressing your face as he waited to see how long yu could hold the breath. Then, he'd return to his rapid, unrelenting rhythm. Finally, he reached his climax deep within your mouth - warm, thick spurts of his thick cum filled your mouth, and you gasped as he withdrew, shooting some of his semen on your face. "That's it, my dear, wasn't that a challenge?" he mused, gently wiping the tip of his member against your cheek before tucking it back into his leather pants, adjusting them. "You can be sure, princess, that we will surely do that again."

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egotisticalmachine · 9 months

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saw a post that was essentially like "actually the concepts of [cluster B disorder] abuse arent ableist because we do have abusive behaviors that we need to unlearn and so thats why our disorders are stigmatized" mf ive BEEN unlearning them. ive been teaching myself how to be less manipulative since i was in high school, and im still putting in the effort to improve but ive changed a whole damn lot from the kid i used to be. and just because someone exhibits some unhealthy behaviors does not mean theyre abusive. there is a difference between causing harm to others sometimes and being outright abusive. everyone hurts others on occasion. everyone has unhealthy and toxic behavior patterns they need to unlearn. thats not fucking unique to cluster B disorders.

i am not excusing people who ARE abusive and whose abuse DOES tie in with their cluster B symptoms, but im also not putting up with the fucking idea that its somehow all of our fault that other people want to assume were all heartless shitty irredeemable monsters. personality disorders are chronic and incurable but people with them can still improve and be kind, even if they make occasional mistakes just like how everyone else makes mistakes.

it is not ableism to call out abusive behavior and make the person responsible face consequences, thats entirely correct. it is not ableism to say that people need to put in effort to overcome harmful behavior patterns, also completely correct.

what IS ableism is assuming that everyone who struggles with cluster B symptoms is automatically a full blown abuser, and sweeping aside the progress that so many of us have worked so damn hard to make, just because YOU dont think that progress is good enough. i dont care if you also have a cluster B disorder, its still ableism. some of us have worked hard to be good people and dont fucking appreciate having that effort spit on. and if you feel that your toxic behaviors tread into the territory of being abusive, that is not my fucking problem just because we have the same or similar disorders.

and what ELSE is ableism is the fucking fact that people with cluster B disorders struggle so much to find any resources to improve our toxic behaviors because psych professionals see us as inherently horrible and everything written about our disorders revolves around how others can cope with being around us, how to heal from us, how to spot us, how to manipulate us before we can manipulate them. THAT is fucking ableism. a lack of resources because others are so hellbent on hating and blaming and hurting us. how are we supposed to even be expected to improve when nobody is willing to help us? and yet we do. despite everything there are those of us who improve. and its not fucking acknowledged.

because i value my blood pressure, im blocking anyone who wants to try arguing with me or putting words in my mouth.

#ableism cw #abuse cw #cluster b #actually cluster b #bpd #actually bpd #npd #actually npd #aspd #actually aspd #hpd #actually hpd #actually borderline #actually narcissistic #actually antisocial #actually histrionic

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teyamsatan · 1 year

Text

Illicit Affairs | Chapter VIII: My Tears Ricochet

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: All secrets are revealed and both you and Neteyam have to live with the consequences of your actions.

Warnings: pure angst, mentions of death, mental illness, addiction, self-injury, limited mentions of Y/N, did i mention angst, angst and more angst?

Word Count: 10,3k words (the first couple chapters were 3k, how did we get here??!)

A/N: This chapter killed me a little inside. I cried multiple times writing it, so I guess fair warning. I wanted really badly to build strong, round characters who had flaws and strengths and strong reasoning for acting a certain way/doing certain things. I wanted to write this story from both character's perspective, so it is clear that in life, each person will think they are right, that their reasoning was the correct one, when in reality, we are all a little right and a little wrong in everything we do, and it is always worth trying to see things from the other's perspective. We are coming towards the end of this first series, so I hope you enjoy this chapter and the rest of this journey. As always, thank you so much for everyone who engaged with it, I loved reading ALL of your comments and replies, they really make my day.

(Also, I feel like I am playing my own little game of "how many Taylor Swift and OG Avatar lyrics/quotes/references I can reasonably fit in a story without it being obnoxious" and I can't tell if I'm winning or not.)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet

You registered the girl asking you if you were alright, but you couldn’t see in front of you, the entire room spinning like the inside of a mirrorball. You felt your body rise from where it was sat next to Neteyam’s, and shakily made your way out. Neteyam’s mate. Neteyam’s mate was next to you, asking you if you need help. It all got too much, and you lunged your body forwards and threw up on the ground next to your tent. You were panting, trying to somehow get a grasp on your mind and push the hurt aside, enough so you can see and hear the world around you.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” you manage to blurt out weakly.

You heard more commotion, and faintly made out Jake’s voice and his arm on your shoulder, trying to bring you back to them.

“Neteyam, what the hell happened?”

You didn’t hear Neteyam speak. He was quiet and you were glad. You didn’t want to hear his voice, not now, and not for the rest of your life.

The world came back to focus eventually, and you spit aggressively trying to get rid of the taste of acid in your mouth. You removed Jake’s hand from your back, and left. The thought of speaking or even looking at any of them was too much to bear. You ran, harder than you ever had before, back to where you just came from, the Ikran nest in the village. You immediately recognised your own, beautiful, gold and white, pure, unlike the rest of this world. Neyn (light colours, shades of white)… fitting name, you thought. You made the tsaheylu quickly, and without a second thought, took off.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE III: DEPRESSION

You had no thoughts as you flew above the forest and made your way towards the general direction of the Hallelujah mountains. You realised you didn’t know where you were going, you didn’t know how you were going to find your way back, but it didn’t matter. Were you even going to ever return? There were no tears, no sadness, just emptiness. The pieces of your heart broke so finely they turned into dust, blown away in the wind of the night. Eventually you found the mountains, easy enough to spot, even in the darkness, the fluorescent flora marking the territory with an easy-to-see glow. You flew like this, for enough time that your lungs were running out of breath and your skin felt battered by the wind, but you kept going. You felt so free, so weightless. There was a calmness to your thoughts that you haven’t felt in years, probably since your mother died.

You saw a distant mountain that looked brighter than the others, and you made your way to it and were amazed to find a little cave in it, bright and colourful, a little piece of heaven on a planet that was heaven in and of itself. Neyn landed softly on the edge of the mountain and you dismounted effortlessly and approached her head, giving her pets on her neck, to which she cooed gently. She was the only friend you had, you realise. You were all alone.

“Neteyam, what happened?”

Neteyam was dragged in the tent by his dad, who was fuming. No matter what feelings his dad was feeling, they couldn’t compare to Neteyam’s anguish and terror. Why the hell was she there? She just had to wait another couple of hours and this would have never happened.

“She was patching my wound up when Tiongli came in the tent, announcing to the world she is my mate. Said mother told her about my injury.”

“Don’t you dare blame this on your mother, boy.” the Sully patriarch’s nose was flared, eyes looking at him intensely with anger and disappointment. Neteyam’s eyes filled with tears, and he felt his heart hurting so much like the gash was there instead of his arm.

“I was going to tell her tonight, dad. After dinner. I was going to tell her everything, and I was going to ask her to be my mate. I was going to come to you both and ask you to undo the engagement. I understand that a year and a half ago I gave up on her, I did it for a reason, I thought there was no future for us, and that we were hurting each other. But things have changed. She has changed. She’s going to be one of the people soon and I want her to be mine.”

“Neteyam, you can’t undo the engagement. You have known Tiongli your whole life, her family’s been expecting this since you were both young. You gave your word before Eywa, son.”

“I love her, dad. Do you understand that? I have loved her all of my life. It killed me having to leave, it killed me knowing there was no future, because she was human. But she’s not just human anymore. I was willing to go through with this for the sake of the village, for the sake of the family and the future, but if there is any chance I can have the love of my life by my side, instead, I will cling on to it for dear life. Mother was betrothed to uncle Tsu’tey, and she gave that up for you. It was done before Eywa, and she didn’t care. Because she loved you and she knew that was enough. She gave up being Tsahik, her birth right, so she can have you. I will not give up on her, dad. Mother wouldn’t have given up on you.”

“I have to find her. I have to make this right.”

You were sprawled on your back, feeling goosebumps form along your limbs from the cold grass. You were staring at the sky, noticing the bright stars you now knew were actually bright death sentences, each of them beautiful and devastating. Will you even still be alive when they come? Will everything you have gone through these few months matter? Will everything you have gone through in this life matter? All the pain, and the hurt, and the grief, just so you can die at 18 from a virus. The universe was cruel, you thought. It was a fitting end, though. Meaningless and daft, like your entire life was. Born on a planet you were not made to be able to survive on, your real planet a long-forsaken dream you will never experience for yourself, surrounded by nature that could kill you in an instant. Alone, never fitting anywhere, orphaned by human diseases: cancer and greed. Left to fend for yourself when you were just ten, learning to navigate a life that only seemed to want to clobber you to the ground whenever you thought you finally could stand up again.

There was no light at the end of the tunnel, not anymore. You wanted to fight for something, for the chance at life, or at retribution, or at love. You were dying and Neteyam killed whatever hope remained in you. They all did. Norm, Max, Jake, Neytiri, Lo’ak, Kiri, Spider, all accomplices, all aware, all willing to lie to your face for weeks with no remorse. You thought you were good at spotting liars, now you just knew how little you knew about everything.

The pain in your soul mirrored the one in your body, as you felt the morphine wearing off and your human body struggling to keep the mind steady for the link. You had to bear it, because this pain was more manageable than the one you knew waited for you in your human form, when you would be alone in a dark room with only your nightmares to keep you company.

With a sigh and a peer up at the sky, you hoped whatever comes after death was better than the hell you’ve lived in the majority of this life.

Neteyam waited the whole night in your tent, waited for you to come back, becoming increasingly worried as the hours passed and you didn’t show. He wanted to go and look for you, but knew that as soon as you got on your ikran, the chances of finding you were thin. He would go to the lab as soon as dawn broke, but for now, he was praying that you would just burst through the tent opening so he can talk you down.

He fucked up, badly. He cringed at the thought of how much he seemed to not be able to get anything right when it comes to you. Everything he did or didn’t do ended up hurting you more, the only thing he didn’t want, the only thing in the world he continuously tried to avoid.

He was consoled by the fact that he would have a lifetime to make it up to you. He will not give up trying, no matter how long, no matter how hard, he was determined to win you back and keep you, forever.

As you made it back to your human body in the early hours of the morning, you regretted waiting so long, as your body was in indescribable agony, the likes with which you didn’t know was possible for the human body to ever experience. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, you were sweating bullets and every bone and muscle in your body throbbed with enough intensity to make it almost impossible for you to get up from the pod. Everyone must be asleep at this hour, you thought. You had to make it to your bed, you had to get at least a couple of hours of rest if you were going to live to see another day. As if you were taking the Iknimaya again, you made your way form the lab to the medical ward and injected another dose of the morphine in your system. There was no going back now, you were too far down the rabbit hole to stop and why put yourself through more unnecessary pain when this will all be over in a few days anyway?

You crashed in your room for a few hours and quickly made your way back to the pod before anyone else was there to talk to. You started the linkpod by yourself and got in without hesitation.

Waking up in your Avatar body was a strange experience, as you were still in the Hallelujah mountains where you fell asleep last night. Neyn did not leave you, you noted, and she was peacefully resting next to you, cooing softly in her sleep.

“Hey, beautiful girl. Time to go back. It would be useful if you knew the way.” you pet her gently, trying not to disturb her. She woke up and pushed her snoot in your chest, and you felt it swell for this animal that you had an unbreakable bond with; you were grateful you had done the Iknimaya and at least gained a life companion from that horrible day.

As suspected, Neyn knew where to take you, and in about an hour you made it back to the village. You dreaded it, dreaded the inevitable interaction, but you knew you had to go back at some point and inform them of your whereabouts.

It was still early, so the village wasn’t quite bustling with energy yet. You quietly made it back to your tent, which you found empty. You grabbed your bow and arrows, knife and gun and a couple extra magazines. You didn’t know if you were going to be back. As you were making your way out, your head bumped into a large, muscular chest.

Fuck.

“Where the hell were you all night, kid? None of us slept a wink last night worrying.”

“Out.”

“What the hell do you mean out? Out where? You leave without telling, you don’t come back the whole night, do you have a fucking death wish?”

You laughed at the irony of his words. He caught your arm as you were walking away and pulled you back forcefully so you can face him.

“You are not going anywhere.”

“Let go.” Jake raised a brow at your words. He was not used to being spoken this way, you realise.

“How long?”

His grasp on you loosened, and his gaze softened when you peered up at him through eyelashes to which tears clung.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Kid…”

“How fucking long, Jake?”

He let go of your arm at your curse, which had never been directed at him before.

“Watch your tone, kid.”

“You made me feel like shit for learning to shoot guns without you. It made you feel bad, right? Knowing I purposefully left you out of something you could have been useful at, something we could have bonded over? I hurt you, by pushing you and Neytiri away for so many years, and I am sorry for that, but you have never, in your life, tried to understand me. So you gave me shit about something you didn’t understand, and I hurt so much inside at the thought of all I gave away by my reluctance to trust, to love, to let people in. So I changed. I let you in. I was here, everyday, acting like a perfect little daughter for you, the daughter I knew you wanted. Strong, capable, skilled. I let Neytiri in. I started calling her mum in my dreams, and although the guilt for my own mother gnawed at my insides silently, I was also relived, to finally have a family again, or for the first time.

You made me love you and break down these carefully constructed walls so you can be comfortable and sleep well at night for not breaking your promise my mum, and then you fucking stabbed me in the back.

I trusted you, Jake. You fucking lied to my face for months. Every time I asked where Neteyam was at dinners and you told me he was practicing, every day you plotted to get me out of the village as early morning as humanly possible and get me back after everyone else was fast asleep, I knew it in my heart you were lying, but you were all so good at it, I thought I was going crazy. But no, it was all a carefully planned ruse to not find out you made me come here and be part of the people just to watch the man I love belong to someone else without even a chance to decide for myself how to feel about it.”

The fight brought out the rest of the Sully family out of their tent, and they were all watching you now, concern and sadness displayed across their beautiful faces.

“You all lied to me. Looked me in the fucking eyes and lied to me, every day, multiple times a day. You were supposed to be my family.

The humans are coming. I will be here. I will stand and fight, you know I will. I will be your little soldier, and be who you made me into.

But I want to make this perfectly clear. As far as I am concerned, you and I, we are done. I am done.” You looked at every Sully one last time, and left.

You were no longer delightfully numb, but burning with anger and earth-shattering sorrow as you stalked away from the village, leaving everything behind. Your eyes were blurry with endless tears, mourning this life and this family that you managed to gain and lose within the span of a few weeks, reeling from the wounds within your heart that never had a chance to mend before being opened again, over and over. You didn’t want to go back to the lab, knowing Neteyam was most likely looking for you there. You couldn’t go to the clearing for the same reason. You had no home anymore, no place in this world, once again. You could only think of one place to go, one place where no one would ever look for you.

Your knees were shaking furiously as you walked, and you were scared of another flashback that you would have to ride out by yourself, but it never came. You just walked, crying and panting from all the pain the last 24 hours brought, and eventually you made it to a place you never thought you would ever see again. The clearing looked peaceful, with rays of light penetrating through tree branches, creating Mandalas on the ground that you found yourself tracing with your eyes.

In the corner, lay a decrepit exo suit, and you made your way to it, settling on the ground next to it. You knew now this exo suit belonged to your dad, and you removed some vines that grew on top of his name, Gideon Barlowe. A beautiful name, you thought, and your mind wandered to the past, a past way before you were even born, and wondered what your grandparents did back on Earth. Did they encourage their son to leave his own planet in pursuit of planetary colonisation, monetary gain and murderous acts? Did they know? Did he know? Was he like that his whole life, or did he start off fighting the good fight, and was corrupted by the jagged and monstrous lifestyle? You wondered if this was what he has always dreamt of doing, or he had secret dreams of being a painter, or a gardener. Did he play guitar, too? You snored sometimes, did you get that from him? You had so many questions for this man you shared half your DNA with, but have never met. For the man that died on a planet far away from home, alone, with no one to mourn him.

Was that going to be you? Would Neteyam remember you in 20 years, when he would tell stories about his childhood to his kids, when he remembered the good old times? Would you get a Na’vi send off? Or were you going to be buried somewhere in the forest, for someone to stumble upon in a distant future you would no longer be a part of?

Sobbing uncontrollably, you heard yourself speak in between wails. “Why am I here? Great Mother, please tell me there is more to this life, there is more to life than this, because I cannot do this anymore. I am so tired. I have tried to keep going my whole life, even when I wanted nothing more than to cease to exist, blissfully collapse in an ether where I didn’t have to feel anything anymore. I kept going because I wanted to make my mum proud, I wanted to honour the body and life she has given me. I am trying so hard, but I am really fucking tired.”

A little past eclipse, you arrived at the lab, and used the keycard you remembered to bring with you. You hoped Neteyam would be gone by now, in case he was trying to find you here. You made your way through the hub and into your bedroom, which looked tiny in your Avatar body. You realise how uncomfortable it must have been for him to be here so often, then cursed your brain for making you think about such things. Your Avatar body needed a bed, so you walked slowly to where the other Avatar bodies usually were laid to rest for the night. There should be an empty space where your mum or Grace used to sleep. It didn’t take long for you to wake up back in the linkpod, as with most nights recently, you were barely able to maintain the neurolink by the time evening came.

Max was waiting for you. “Neteyam came by. He’s been looking for you, said you left the village yesterday and didn’t come back. He was worried sick.”

You didn’t answer him, as you slowly got out of the pod and tried to steady your feet on the ground, harder than it seemed when the entire room was spinning around you.

“What happened?”

“The mate you all hid from me for weeks came announcing herself in my tent as we were just about to kiss.”

“Any other questions?”

You didn’t wait for a response before you made your way out of the room, stalking towards the medical ward.

As you retired to your room for the night, you noted the morphine was not working as well as used to anymore. You sat on the bed, looking at the arm that was getting blue at the amount of needle holes it had, and you knew then you didn’t have much time left. Maybe a couple of days. A couple more days of this. And then it would finally be over. You gave it a fair shot, this life thing. You couldn’t say you felt particularly sad at the thought of it ending. You pressed play on your vintage record player and let yourself sleep.

“Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you, til my dying day”

You spent the next 2 days in a haze, drugged out of your mind, waking up before eclipse and leaving to your dad’s grave and sleeping in the woods until the night, barely able to make it on your own two feet. Even in your human body, Neyn recognised you, and stood by you, which gave you some peace of mind. You made sure to bring her fruits from the lab, and she cooed warmly as she settled next to you.

When you made your way back that night, Norm was waiting.

“Where the hell have you been? Everyone’s been looking for you for 3 fucking days.”

You removed your oxygen mask and made your way to the room, where he followed you. You were in so much pain you couldn’t see straight.

“I am talking to you!” he took you by your arm and spun you around. The motion made you instantly sick, and you struggled to keep down the fruits you shared with your ikran.

“Let go of me, Norm.” you had no strength in your body anymore, so it took you awhile to shake him off.

“You look like shit. What did you do?”

You managed to make it to the bathroom, where you shut the door behind you and got in the shower. Fortunately, for you or him, you couldn’t tell, Norm was gone when you came out.

The next morning, you woke up desperately searching for pain relief and didn’t know if you were going to be able to make it to the ward before your knees would collapse on themselves. You were shaking and dizzy, out of your mind with agony and walking to the bathroom felt like the most intensive workout you have ever done. You peered up at yourself in the mirror and were scared at the eyes watching you, rabid and wild, like an injured animal waiting to lash out. It was too much for you to bear, and before you could even think or rationalise, you felt your fingers curl into a fist and make contact with the cold glass of the mirror, shattering in dozens of pieces, and it made you weirdly happy to have a visual representation of how your soul felt. The instant pain of the all the wounds the smash caused also gave you a weird sense of euphoria, and you realised it was taking away from the pain in the rest of the body, which was only able to focus on one agonising sensation at a time. This felt like a kiss by comparison, and you knew then you could go on a little longer, you could continue with the rest of the day.

Norm came bursting through the door at the loud crash.

“What the hell happened? Are you okay?”

You came out of your bathroom, blood dripping all over the floor as you made your way to the bed, sitting down on it.

“Leave, Norm.”

“What?”

“Leave.”

“What the hell has gotten into you recently. you are rude and brash, and you hurt people’s feelings with no remorse. This isn’t you.”

“What the hell do you know about me, Norm?” you say, laughing bitterly.

“Ace, stop.”

“You don’t know anything, Norm.” you kept going, the fury and hurt getting the best of you, once again, your need to destroy everything in your path as a way to cope with your own heartbreak winning by a landslide.

“Did you know I have needed pills to sleep and to live a normal day-to-day life since I was 13? I have been slowly depleting our sleeping pill and benzodiazepines inventory and replacing it with multivitamin pills I found in one of the drawers. I mean thank God none of you suffer from anxiety or panic disorder or need help sleeping cause I would have been busted so long ago.”

You laughed mockingly at his shocked face, jaw so close the floor now you could trip on it on your way out.

“Did you know I am about a week and a half away from dying after I accidentally smashed a vial of infected blood and got it in my mouth?”

You stand corrected, you think now his jaw was close enough to the floor to trip on it.

“Did you know I have upgraded from a pill addiction to a full blown opioid addiction in order to not collapse on the floor in excruciating pain because of the way this virus is eating at my insides? Yeah, yeah, that’s right. We’re almost out of a whole vial of morphine after I injected it in my veins every day for a while now.”

He had no words. “That’s about right.”

“I do know one thing you do know, though. You know that Neteyam had his mate announcement ceremony that day I took off. You were there to see the two love birds announce their love and pledge their commitment to each other the one day I was not there. And that’s why you were acting shifty. You know about that. And somehow you forgot to tell me, every day, for weeks. How does that work out, Norm, hmm?”

“I felt so bad for snapping at you a couple of days ago. I felt like a horrible fucking person for hurting your feelings. I should have been watching my back, instead.”

You got up from your bed and started walking towards the door.

“If I were you I would not linger in a room with poisoned blood dripping on the floor for too long.”

You found some paper towels at the side of your bed and wrapped them around your bleeding, pained hand, and with that, you left.

After you upped the morphine you usually took, you went to the lab and prepped a hood for some more experiments. Work was a good way to get your mind off things, to mindlessly do something that had a purpose other than driving you to the brink of insanity.

You heard a loud banging noise coming from the entrance, and you had a sneaking suspicion you knew who it was. You heard Norm open the door.

“Is she here?”

“Yeah, but Neteyam, I think you should go. She’s not in a good place, and I really don’t think doing this will end well for either of you.”

“I don’t care, I have to talk to her, I have been looking for her for 3 fucking days.”

You heard the door to the lab slide open and hissed at the man you knew would be trying to come in, realising hissing in a human body doesn’t have nearly the same effect.

“Get the fuck out, Neteyam. This is a sterile room.”

“I don’t fucking care about the room, Atan. Where the fuck have you been? Please come out so we can talk.”

You threw your head back and laughed, really laughed.

“You really are delusional if you think there is any way in heaven and hell I would want to hear anything you have got to say. The time for talking was a couple months ago, Neteyam. The time for talking was the first day I got my Avatar body, where in addendum to telling me you own my ass now, you could have also sprinkled in the fact your are now mated with someone else.”

“I am not mated with anyone, for fuck’s sake. Just come out so we can talk, please. I will explain everything, please!”

You stopped what you were doing and looked at him, for the first time since that day. He looked exhausted, anguished. Deep purple bags under his eyes, that were burning red where the whites should be. He has been crying. Good, you thought. He looked panicked and miserable and desperate for you to give him the time of day, for you to allow him to explain the unexplainable.

You sighed and your heart constricted in pain. Neteyam will not be happy until there was nothing left of you, until he took everything from you. At the same time, you were curious, morbidly curious as to what has actually happened, what led to this moment. You knew he loved you. You knew that much, but it didn’t seem to matter in this moment, as he broke your heart for what felt like the thousandth time in your short life.

“Go to the clearing, I’ll come when I’m ready.”

You half considered just leaving him there to wait, abandoning him just he did to you. You finished splitting your cells and treating them, and in about an hour, you went into the linkpod and took your Avatar for a walk in the woods. You reached the clearing shortly, as it was close enough that even child you could do it without getting too far away from the building.

You saw him standing there, his back turned to you and his legs submerged in the river that was rushing violently downstream. It was a cold day, and rain was trickling down your body like shivers from a kiss. There was tension in the air, and you knew a storm was coming. You could practically feel the charge in the atmosphere, and were expecting thunder to start any minute now, ready to mirror the agony in your soul.

“I’m here.”

He didn’t speak for a while. Just stood looking at the river, deep in thought.

“So many of our moments throughout the years happened here. Remember when I taught you to swim in the river? Now, in retrospective, that was a bad idea since the water kept taking you away, to the point I had to wait at the end so I could catch you in my arms, like you were a baby.”

You winced at the memory. You thought you could do this. You felt numb in that lab, numb on the way here, but as soon as your eyes focused on him, tears starting pooling in your eyes and pain overtook your body, that you tried to counteract by wrapping your arms tightly around yourself. He’s caused you so much hurt, so much grief in the years he’s known you. But he was also at the forefront of most of your happiest memories. You could fill endless manuscripts with the beauty of his love, that shone so brightly over you your whole life. He was the light in all the darkness and you honestly didn’t think you would have survived this journey without him.

That is why this hurt so much, why your body was convulsing on itself in insurmountable grief. And also why you owed him this much. Owed him this conversation, and the right to explain his point of view, that you were still unfamiliar with.

“I remember. I remember even at the time, thinking this was a good metaphor for our relationship. Life kept sweeping me off my feet, but you were always there to catch me, before it could take me away. I had so much faith in you back then, you were a fact of life, like the eclipse. You were the one person in this world I thought would never hurt me.”

“Fuck, Y/N, all I did before I left is hurt you.”

“What are you talking about?” You were confused at the turn this conversation took. What did he mean? You couldn’t recall a single time Neteyam hurt you before you left. Sure, you would fight and bicker sometimes, but it was a normal part of any relationship, you thought. And he always made it up to you, would always come to the lab and sit with you with flowers he collected or trinkets he found in the woods, always holding you and kissing your forehead to make sure you were over it before he had to leave. Fighting with him was ironically one of your favourite things, because you knew the aftermath was the closest you ever felt to being in heaven.

“I almost fucking killed you. Or have you forgotten? Have you forgotten how I manipulated you into getting on top of an ikran when you were just a 13 year old human and almost watched you die? Have you forgotten I took you to the woods and raced you to your dad’s remains? I was a walking magnet for disasters in your life and I was tired, so fucking tired of watching your life fall apart all around me. I had to watch you learn to walk again, limp because of my actions, for years. I had to pull you out of flashbacks and nightmares you developed because of ME. You were always fine in the woods with Lo’ak or Kiri, but everything bad that has happened to you happened around me.”

He was crying, panting and angry, at himself or you or the universe, you couldn’t tell.

“I thought that if I left, you would be ok. I just wanted to protect you. My whole life, all I have wanted was for you to be ok. But it seems no matter what I do, I keep fucking up.”

You had no words to speak as you lay there, listening to him letting you in to a secret you have spent so many months agonising over. The reason for his departure haunted you for a year and a half, even when you refused to think about him, about it, it was there, constantly emerging from the depths of your subconsciousness, taunting you in your dreams. Why? Why? Why?

Because he wanted to protect you?

You didn’t have time to process all of this new information, before he continued.

“The night you found your dad, I was shaken to my core, in a way I have never truly been before. I was so heartbroken, for you and for myself, for knowing this will haunt you for the rest of your life. I went home and mother found me, and told me that maybe I can’t help you in the way I’ve always wanted. That maybe it’s better for you that I remove myself for a while and leave you room to breathe and heal. So I did. It took me a long time to get the strength to do it. Every time I thought today is the day, I would see you and you would smile at me, and we would sit on your bed and you would read to me or play me songs or just be there, just you and me, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. You were everything to me, my light in all the darkness.

A year later, you sang me the song and you were smiling at me singing it, and I knew you were confessing feelings we have both felt for years and couldn’t say out loud. And I knew that if I stayed, whatever we had would escalate past the point of no return. If I stayed, that would be it. And that’s when I decided. I thought I was doing us both a favour. I knew it would hurt you, just as much as it hurt me, but I thought the pain would subside in time.”

You were crying now, you realised, tears falling silently and effortlessly down your face, with no intention to ever stop, instantly washed away by the pouring rain. There were no sounds, no sobs or wails, or panted breaths, just the sounds of rain and hopeless, soft cries and muffled sniffles, for the man in front of you, for all that you have lost, for the past you shared and the future that you would never have.

He got up from where he stood and turned around to face you. He walked towards you until he was so close to you could feel his breath on your face. His stare made goosebumps appear on your entire body, so earnest and desperate, so full of intensity for the words he was trying to convey to you.

“It didn’t.” He said, at the same time you thought the same words in your mind.

“A few years ago, mother and father told me I would one day have to find a mate. They knew and I knew it was expected of me, but I always put it off, so they eventually dropped it. I learnt later they both knew about us, so they didn’t push me into anything until they felt I was ready. A few months after they realised I decided to leave, they started bringing it up again. I didn’t want to hear it, but they said it was time, as I had refused for years longer than what was acceptable in the clan. I met with so many girls, all from good families, all healers in training, all wrong. Beautiful girls, smart girls, skilled healers and singers, and it was like looking at the grey walls of your lab. I felt nothing, I felt sick just thinking about it, like just the thought would be betraying the memory of our bond. Eventually, I told them they can decide. Grandma can decide whatever she thinks is best, and, as Tsahik, I would listen to her voice and wisdom, and do my duty to the clan. She chose Tiongli. I knew her growing up, and we were friendly, so I tried to make an effort. I would go to her tent, and she would show me her training sometimes, I would let her heal my wounds and imagined it was your hands touching me instead. I visited her family and paid my respects, and had dinner with them whenever they invited me. I hoped in time, I could learn to care for her, to lessen the distaste in my mouth whenever my family or the clan talked about the future, about the ceremony, about the life I was supposed to lead that I hated even the thought of.

And then, one day, my dad sent me to get Lo’ak from the lab. I was so scared of knowing I would have to see you again. It had been so long, and so many feelings gnawed at me on the walk there, terror and anxiety, guilt and longing. But then I saw you, and there was only one feeling: love. Like no time had passed at all. I knew then I was going to love you for the rest of my life, and that will never change. That was my fact of life, my eclipse.”

He slowly took your face in his hands, and his thumb was caressing your cheek trying to wipe the tears and raindrops that were falling mercilessly. You saw his face slowly getting closer to yours, and you knew you should pull away, you should remove yourself from his grasp before the kiss was going to remove the last ounce of happiness from you. You knew what you had to do, knew that no matter what information or answers or justifications he would give you today, they wouldn’t matter. You should pull away, because there is no future, no hope. But you couldn’t. You didn’t know what waited for you in the afterlife, but if there was any chance you would have your memories, you wanted this kiss to haunt you forever, to remind you of the life you left behind.

His lips touched yours so gently, it felt like a whisper. Like a hug, tender and warm, it was so different than your first kiss. Tears were still running down your face as your lips moved, entangled with his and begging for more. Your hands went to his chest, to his neck, to his back, just touching him, trying to memorise his body, this feeling. You wanted so much more, you wanted to be his, you wanted to feel him, you wanted him to own you, like he did your heart, which has been his your entire life and will still be his after your death.

You were a mess of wet tangled limbs and panted breaths by the end, and eventually, he broke the kiss to look at you through teary eyes.

“I love you, I will always love you. I am so sorry.”

“I love you, too.”

“But this doesn’t change anything, Neteyam.”

“Thank you, for finally telling me why you left. For giving me some closure for something that has plagued me for so long, it became a constant part of my nightmares. Thank you for having my best interest at heart; it couldn’t have been easy to leave, if you didn’t want to, it took a strong heart to do something that hurt you for what you thought was the lesser evil. But it doesn’t change anything.”

“You left me. You broke me. And you never gave me a chance to make my own decisions. To figure out for myself what was the path forward. I have NEVER blamed you for my misfortunes. The ikran ride is still a beautiful memory to me. You made it a beautiful memory. If it weren’t for your quick thinking, we probably would have both died at the hands of Toruk. You saved my life, Neteyam. You carried me home and stayed with me while I was having surgery, you stayed with me after, while I recovered. You pulled me out of the worst panic attack I have ever had when I found my dad, and you rode out so many of my flashbacks, I have lost count. You weren’t the cause or the common denominator of these events, I was. I am the one plagued by misfortune and hurt and death. Not you. And if you tell me you had to leave to save your own peace of mind, I would respect that. I don’t know anyone in this world who can take this, take me and all the shit that follows me everywhere I go. I don’t blame you.

But if you tell me that you did this for me, that I can’t accept. I didn’t ask for any of this. You gave me no choice, and no say in this relationship, in our shared life. You just left. I deserved better than that. And I deserved better than to find out about a mate after months of lies and manipulation and deceit. I don’t care. I don’t care if you are going to say that you didn’t want it, or you were going to undo it, or that you’ve always loved me and never her. I don’t care. You lied to me, you manipulated me. You accused me of fucking your brother as you were promised to another woman that you hid from me for months. I do blame you for that, and I will never be able to forgive you.”

“Please, Atan…I will tell her no. I will tell her -.” he was sobbing now, his hands still on your face, pleading.

“No.” you slowly took his hands in yours and removed them from your face.

“I think you should do it, Neteyam. She is a good girl, she will make a good Tsahik, and a good mate. Your mother was right, there is no future here - there never was. I love you, so much. But I think you have broken my heart one too many times. I am done.”

You turned your back and walked away from him and the life that was lost - forever.

You were completely soaked when you arrived in the lab, and you went straight to the Avatar laying room and cried. Cried until it felt like no more tears could possibly come out of you. You cried yourself to sleep and then cried in the pod, on the way to your bedroom, and in bed until your human body eventually collapsed from exhaustion. You cried in your dreams, in which Neteyam was kissing you and touching you, doing all the things you were silently begging him to in your mind just a few hours ago.

Eventually, nightfall came, and you had to get up to do the rest of your experiments and top up your analgesic. Ironically enough, you were making real progress on your work. You found a combination therapy that was showing incredible potential in slowing the virus down. It wasn’t enough to stop and eradicate it, but it was enough to give people more time and hopefully give the scientists more time to find a cure. It wouldn’t help you, but maybe you could still help others.

At some paint through the night, as you were making up some reagents, Norm bursts through the door holding a bunch of equipment and some pills, you realise. He puts them down on the bench behind you and speaks.

“Right, stop whatever you are doing, right now.”

“I am in the middle of something.”

“I don’t fucking care. Stop, now.”

You were taken aback at his words and attitude. Norm never got mad, or lost his composure. He was so most well balanced person you knew.

You put the pipette gun down and turned around to face him.

“I still need to adjust the pH on this.”

He ignored you while he prepared the myriad of little gadgets he brought with him. He motioned for you to take off your lab coat, and you rolled your eyes in annoyance, but did as you were told regardless. You were too tired to argue anymore.

He raised the sleeves of your top until they couldn’t go any further up your arm and put a blood pressure monitor on you. You felt tension as its sleeve tightened around you painfully, but eventually it gave out with a puff, and you heard beeping as the machine finished its reading. You looked to your right where the monitor lay, and saw red lights flashing, letting Norm know your blood pressure and pulse were dangerously low. His eyes widened slightly at the sight, but he held his composure, removing the gadget from around your arm and putting it away. He then read your oxygen levels, which you saw were constantly dabbling between 89 and 90%. Not good, you thought. No wonder you could barely breathe anymore. Norm cursed silently under his breath, trying to not let you see him, but if there was one thing you were good at, it’s reading people. Well, you thought you were, at least.

“Did you do any tests on your blood? How is your complete blood count looking?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Why the fuck not, Ace? It’s not like you don’t know how to do it.”

He was angry, really angry. You’ve never seen Norm this angry, you’ve never seen Norm acting this way towards you.

You just shrugged. With a huff of annoyance, he took your arm and prepared a needle and syringe to collect some blood. He gulped and you could see tears forming in his eyes when he looked at the violet bruises and needle holes that were plastered along the length of your brachial vein.

“Just didn’t get around to it.”

“You didn’t - Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“What medicine have you been taking? Did you take the Relenta, or the combination therapy we have been working on?”

“Neither.”

You swear you saw Norm’s entire body enter a catatonic state and he turned so red you were worried he was going to release steam out of his ears.

“You have been sick for a month and did not take anything, none of the treatments we have been working on?”

You couldn’t look him in the eye anymore, finding comfort in the pattern of the tiles on the floor.

“I can’t believe you. I didn’t peg you for someone who would just throw their life away meaninglessly. Your mum had to die because we didn’t have a way to treat her illness, and here we are, with a solution that YOU came up with for your own illness, and you will just not even try?”

You were quiet, not really having a way to rebut his questions.

“Fine. We will start you on the combination treatment tonight and take it from there. There’s other things we haven’t tried yet and I’m sure -“

“NO.”

“I’m not asking you. I’m not letting you fucking die.”

“Why must you always fucking try to fix everything, Norm? Some things can’t be fixed. I don’t want the fucking pills. I am done. I want this to be done.”

“So you’ll just die? Is that what you’re saying? You want to die, and not even fucking TRY to see if there is more to this life. Goddamn it, Y/N. I thought having the Avatar would help you realise life is worth living, there’s beauty in this world beyond the walls of this lab. You got your first kill, you did the Iknimaya, you’re going to become one of the people. Don’t you want to see what your future holds? Don’t you want to live to see yourself grow up? Fall in love, start a family. There are more guys in this world than just Neteyam.”

You gave Norm a dirty look and got out of the lab.

Neteyam felt his whole body reel after your conversation. It didn’t change anything, he thought bitterly. He thought explaining it to you, allowing to see that he had good reasons for his actions would allow you to forgive him, to at least allow him the opportunity to make it up to you through time. You left, just like he had so long ago, but there was a finality to you that he didn’t feel then. Back then, he always had hope that a miracle would still be possible, one in which you got an Avatar, healed and loved him, forever. He wanted to love you forever, but his apology and explanations were not enough.

He lost you, again.

He spent the night flying on his Ikran, just flying and letting the rain soak his thoughts and hurt away. He just wanted to disappear. He wanted the rain to melt his bones until there was nothing left of him but the memory of happier times.

In the early hours of the morning, he made it back to the village, trying to hide his cried out eyes and calamitous grief. He was dreading having to talk to his parents, to explain to them what happened, to have to go through with Tiongli and this future he didn’t want and will have to suffer through for the rest of his life. He didn’t have time to worry about it too much though, because, as he managed to get to the tent’s entrance, he heard Norm’s voice and his dad’s, intertwined with his grandma’s voice rising above them.

“It won’t work. Eywa will not allow her to come back.”

“Why not? She has taken her Iknimaya, she has completed her kills, she has spent her entire life in the village’s service, trying to help the best way she knew how. If she doesn’t deserve this, who does?”

“It’s not that she doesn’t deserve it. It’s that she doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want this, Norm. The Great Mother will not transfer the conscience of someone with no future.”

“But maybe if this happened, she will realise that she wants to live. Once she’s rid herself of her weak body, of this disease, maybe she will -“

“The Great Mother’s word is final. She will die, because she wants to die.”

Mo’at’s voice rang in his ears so hard he thought his eardrums would pop.

She doesn’t want it.

She will die.

What were they talking about? Who would die?

No… it couldn’t be. No, the Great Mother wouldn’t be so cruel.

He didn’t wait to hear the rest of the conversation, running as fast as his feet could carry him back to the lab. He reached soon enough, he was faster than most other people in the village, and started knocking on the door of the lab with all his might.

“Y/N, OPEN UP, I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE!”

Eventually, Max came to the door, through which Neteyam burst without consideration for the tiny human next to him.

“She’s not in, Neteyam. She left before any of us had a chance to say anything.”

“Was she in her Avatar body?”

“No, the body is in the den where they sleep.”

He didn’t bother thanking the man, as he turned on his heel and started running again. She was there, had to be.

It was still raining, the clouds relentless as they released drops that poured gently down his face and body, and Neteyam thought the Great mother was crying, mourning the love being washed away like a pebble in the river of the clearing, just like he was.

You were there, of course you were. A current shocked Neteyam at the sight of you. This was the first time he has seen your human body in months, and he found it hard to reconcile the image of you he has known all his life with this current one. You were incredibly thin, so thin, whereas a few months ago he could trace your muscles, he could now trace your bones. You were pale, almost ashen, and the hair that he once spent so long admiring was now brittle and dull, obvious even as it was, wet and clinging to your back. You looked lifeless. He felt a lump form in his throat and tears pool in his eyes that were still not dry from all the pain this day has brought.

You didn’t notice him yet, your human ears much less sensitive than your Avatar, so you were just sitting on the riverbank with your chin resting on your knees, which were brought to your chest and your arms wrapped tightly around them. You were looking at the water, and it was like you weren’t actually there. You were in your own world, far from here, from this hurt.

“I was going to ask if it was true, what I heard Norm talk about in the tent today, but I think you’ve answered my question.”

Neteyam saw you flinch, and it felt like even that brought your weak frame pain. You were trembling when you looked at him, and your face made his own drop in shock. Your beautiful features, the blush in your cheeks, the glimmer in your eye, the pink of your lips, your animated expressions or raised eyebrows, were all gone. Your eyes looked glossed over and numb, your face looked ghostly and sunken, and Neteyam swore he could trace every blood vessel on your forehead and neck. The sight of you made whatever happiness or hope he had left dissolve and trickle down his bones, until it reached the ground where it was eventually buried, never to be seen again.

“I didn’t think I could make myself any clearer, Neteyam.”

“tell me it isn’t true. Tell me he’s lying; he’s making it up.”

“What part?”

“All of it.” Neteyam was angry now, trying to contain the temper rising in his chest.

“Tell me you’re not dying.”

“Norm has a big fucking mouth.”

“Can you for once in your fucking life just answer a question? This is fucking serious!”

You winced at his words, then struggled to get up, but did eventually and fully face him. The state of you hit him like bullets, piercing and scraping at his every organ, leaving bleeding wounds behind.

“It’s true”.

Crack, crack, crack.

“When?”

“The night you gave me the guitar. I was so busy being in love with you I forgot to put the proper protection on, and I smashed a bottle of infected blood. It got in my mouth, in my nose.”

“I thought you were working on a cure.”

“Haven’t found it yet.”

“But you said you have something that kind of works, something to give people more time.”

“I’m human, it doesn’t work that way for us.”

“So, you’ve tried.”

You weren’t looking at him anymore, just staring at the ground in front of you, somewhere next to Neteyam’s feet.

“Tell me you have fucking tried.”

It thundered aggressively as Neteyam said that, and he saw you once again tremble at the loud sound. You have never been a jumpy person. You were the bravest person he knew. You were the strongest person he knew. It was unspeakable having to watch you now, sitting meekly in front of him, when just a few days ago you took the Iknimaya, taking the climb to the toughest tests known to the Omatikaya, doing it like it was nothing, just another day for you. To know that this is what was hiding underneath, this is what you hid from all of them, made him both impossibly miserable and strikingly enraged at the same time.

“TELL ME YOU HAVE TRIED.”

“NO, OKAY?? NO, I HAVEN’T FUCKING TRIED.” You were sobbing now, your tears washed away by the rain and wind as soon as they fell down your cheeks.

“Why?”

“Because I am tired. I want this to end.”

“I thought you were happy. I thought you were better. You seemed better in the Avatar.”

“I was better… in the Avatar. Because that wasn’t my life. That was just a beautiful dream, while my life was the never-ending nightmare. It was easy to pretend in that body. It was easy to be the version of myself everybody wanted me to be. But I have to live with the real me every night. And I don’t want to do it anymore.” The more you cried, the more Neteyam’s blood boiled in his veins.

“That’s such fucking bullshit.”

“You know what I think?”

“I think dying is fucking easy. It’s your easy way out.”

You looked up at his much larger frame incredulously, and he saw how your mood was starting to mirror his own.

“What did you just say? You think this is fucking easy for me?”

“Yes, I think it is. I think all you’ve done since your mum has died is take the easy way out. Put everything and everyone in your little bottom desk drawer, keeping everyone at a distance. Do you know how much mother and father suffered every time you refused to come out, to come to the village? My mother cried herself to sleep at the thought of you alone in that lab, at the thought that you preferred that soulless, empty place to her, to us. Did you know that?

You have not once opened that drawer, not once dealt with anything. All you do is numb yourself down, pretend you are fine and the issues you have suffered through do not exist. Well guess fucking what, Atan? They exist. And until you deal with that pain and let it pass over you and through you, you will always take the easy way out.

You have made me feel like the worst person in the world, for leaving, for lying to you. But what the fuck have you done, huh? You lied to me about dying, for weeks! About dying! What, was I supposed to find you dead one day and that was it? That was what I deserved from you, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you? You said I took your choice away. You wouldn’t have even given me a choice to say goodbye to the love of my life before you fucking died!

I left you for a year because I wanted to protect you, you are leaving permanently because you refuse to fucking deal with the pain and hurt I know you feel deep down inside. You had a choice. You could have come to the many people who love you, love you unconditionally, and told us, and let us in, and let us help you. You could have gotten help, taken the pills, fight your damn hardest to make this work, to find a cure, for the life your mum gave you, the life she would have to watch you throw away. You have a choice now. To want to live, to want to fight through this and come out the other side a new, better person. To let me love you, let people love you. To do the consciousness transfer and be with me, and be happy, forever. And you’re choosing this.

You are a coward.”

Neteyam turned on his heel and walked away, before he got a chance to see you collapse on the ground, giving your last few breaths in the place he used to imagine both of your children laying in his arms peacefully while you sang them to sleep.

Tag list (I hope I didn't miss anyone, thank you so much for asking to be tagged <3): @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @inomoikawa @jackiehollanderr @jaysarchiv3 @meivap @dakotali @hlhl99 @eskamybeloved @erenjaegerwifee @winchestertitties

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