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natasha-in-space · 7 months

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would it be alright to request the rfa + saeran with an MC who’s in school to be a veterinary neurologist? basically brain surgeon but for animals^^ tysm!

Yoosung

I think Yoosung will be pleasantly surprised and very inspired by you. He's in college studying veterinary medicine himself, but, at the point of you joining the RFA, he lost the previous fire he held for his degree. Of course, his issues lie way deeper than simply finding his degree uninteresting or useless, but the point still stands: he feels rather apathetic towards his studies. He feels like nothing he's doing in his university makes any difference, and his expectations for his future are bleak, to say the least. So, to learn that you are studying in the same field as him, all while maintaining the goal you are working towards... it's somewhat inspiring to him. But, there might be some insecurity mixed in there as well. He can't help but compare himself to you - a trait he is, unfortunately, very guilty of - and that never ends well for him. It makes him feel somewhat inadequate to realize that he just doesn't share the same drive and passion you seem to possess for your goal. Of course, he only sees the best parts of your experience, overlooking all the struggles and tribulations you have to deal with on a daily basis as well. But, as you two grow closer, you help him realize that his main problem is not as surface level as he thinks. You motivate him to treat himself kinder, with more genuine care to his needs. And, with time, he will find his drive again. You two will definitely have a ton of study dates together. Who knows, maybe you'll end up even working at the same vet clinic? That wouldn't be out of the question for you guys. It's nice to have someone who understands what you're daily life is like, and you can babble to him all about your study life, without having to go into too much detail. It's like you're a team of two. Needless to say, I think this will make you grow even closer to one another in the long run.

Zen

Zen would be very impressed. Having never attended college after running away from home, he has a great deal of admiration for those who are willing to put in the time and effort required to obtain a degree. And, studying to become a veterinary neurologist? That sounds like it takes a whole lot of work! He will immediately feel a good deal of respect towards you once he learns this. He doesn't know much about animals, nor did he ever own a pet of his own (since he spends most of his time at work, and his finances are not as stable as he'd like them to be), but he knows how precious pets can be to people. There is no suspicion in his heart since the first moment you joined the RFA, but even the tiniest bit of it goes out the window with this new fact he learns. Someone who works so hard for such a noble cause cannot be a bad person in his eyes. I think Zen's support will be mostly noticeable on the emotional side of things. He can't understand a word you're speaking most of the time you're sharing some story from your studies, but he does ask you about your day regardless. If you're feeling stressed out or overworked, he's there in a flash. You don't have to worry about a thing when the time comes to study for your exams: he makes sure you're taking breaks, eat tasty and nutritious food, and he keeps your place all neat and clean for you. And, if you're feeling anxious or unsure of yourself? Well, I'm glad to tell you that Zen is the best cheerleader you can get. He's able to put a smile on your face and lift your worries every time you're feeling down. Probably because he knows what's it like to doubt your own abilities, and he knows what you'd like to hear in that moment of vulnerability. Just like he promised you, you two will support one another on your own individual paths in life, giving each other strength when it's needed. And, you bet he'll throw the biggest celebration once you finally graduate. The guy will probably be even more excited for you than you are. He's kind of like a golden retriever in that way.

Jaehee

I don't think she would have much of a reaction initially. It's just yet another piece of information she'll write down about you, as you slowly start getting to know one another. Jaehee's worldview was heavily influenced by her highly unsupportive environment, and she projects that worldview onto everyone else, unless she is explicitly proven wrong. She went to university and got a job because that's what was expected of her, and because that was the only way she wouldn't get looked down upon by her environment. And, she excelled at both of those things, but, at the end of the day, she holds no spiritual nor emotional attachment to her current job or her time studying. I think she'll be a bit taken aback once she sees that you are genuinely passionate about what you are pursuing. What differentiates her from Yoosung, who feels very insecure about his uncertain future, is that Jaehee has long since accepted that this is all that her life is ever going to be. At least, she thinks she did. She'll be a bit envious of your drive, sure, but there are no comparisons or depressing thoughts in her mind. She'll just conclude that you are different from her, that is all. Now, as your bond grows stronger over time, and you help her find that self-love she was lacking all these past years, things will change. Jaehee finds the inner courage to believe in herself and her dreams, despite what everyone around her may think. She is no longer afraid of being perceived in a negative light. And, with that new fire in her eyes, your passion now starts actively motivating her. It's kind of sweet, really. While your tireless work encourages Jaehee to fight for her dream, Jaehee's newfound boldness in what she does inspires you to do the same. It's like you two are each other's source of motivation when things get tough. While you may not end up working side by side, Jaehee will always make sure to treat you to the best coffee and snacks she can find. Her cafe is a perfect place for you to study in peace, with occasional kisses on the cheek as a bonus.

Jumin

Jumin will be impressed. We all know how much genuine love and care he possesses for animals, so, needless to say, he holds a lot of respect for those who dedicate their livelihoods to making sure that no animal has to live in pain. I actually think this will make him come to trust you a little bit quicker! This man has a major soft spot for animals, and he even explicitly states that he believes that a person who loves animals cannot be bad. Especially cats. Overall, this wouldn't affect your relationship with him much, but he will be interested in learning more about your studies in detail. I won't be surprised if he's fairly knowledgeable in a lot of things concerning animal health, so you might gain a new companion to discuss these niche things with. Jumin is no stranger to most of the terminology you use, so you don't have to feel awkward about explaining every other word that slips out of you without thinking. And, what he doesn't know, he's more than willing to learn. I think talking with you about these things will make him come to respect you even more. You are clearly passionate about your goal, and he cannot overlook that. When it comes to the already established relationship with him, I'd say he's the proudest partner you can find. Will definitely talk his father's ears off about how lovely he thinks you are, and how hard you're working to reach your goal, and how admirable that is. Reporters will get the same treatment. Jumin Han is in love, and he is not ashamed of showing it on full display.

Saeyoung

I don't think he'll have much of a reaction at first. He already knows what you are studying before you have a chance to say it yourself, but, at the beginning, it's just another fact he'll record about you, same as with Jaehee. It's not until you start expressing your personal feelings towards your studies that he first gets intrigued and wants to know more. He'll probably joke around and make some silly memes at the start, as he's fully in his 707 persona at the time. Will probably joke about you being a good example for Yoosung to follow, as he has lost all his motivation for his studies. He'll also pretend to be a sick kitty you have to cure, either on a call with you or in the chat. You know, your usual Seven shenanigans. Now, as you two grow closer, he will form a genuine appreciation and admiration towards you. He already views you as a very good person, so you studying to help animals and owners in need is just another testament to that in his point of view. You are way better than him. Your hands are meant to heal and help, while his are caked in blood and sin. These thoughts keep buzzing at the back of his mind, even as he finds himself grinning widely at you celebrating passing another test in the chatroom. He is genuinely so proud of you and all you do. But, as much as his foolish heart wishes he could be there to celebrate with you in person, he's content to remain in the shadows, where he rightfully belongs. This is something that will add to the conflict you'll have to face in the apartment. But, once that is all behind you, Saeyoung will be your biggest supporter. He gives you a ride to university, always asks about your day, prepares silly little sticky notes to encourage you through your study sessions - he does it all. Meowy will also become your study buddy, as he will program it accordingly to help you out with your work. While he used to admire you afar, now he has nothing to hide. So, be prepared to be doted on and happily twirled around after coming home from your exams.

Saeran

Saeran has... a very complicated relationship with anything that has to do with medicine. There are many seemingly obvious things that he doesn't know about, and what he does know is often downright wrong or frightening to him. He grew up without any proper healthcare, and Rika has often used hospitals as a scare tactic to him: a place where you get locked up and treated against your will. So, as Ray, he learns so much new information through his research on you. While you are not studying to become a doctor, you are still planning to tie your life to medicine and helping those in need. I think that's what he will focus on mostly. He doesn't understand a lot of things, but he does understand that you have a compassionate heart and a strong spirit. How could he not fall for you? And, as Suit Saeran, he will mock your pursuit in life instead. It won't be that effective, as, yet again, it'll be very painfully obvious that his knowledge of the topic is very limited. But, he will try to spin it in a way that would make you feel bad about yourself. Of course, he will apologize to you and take accountability for his wrongdoings, as he realizes that, in reality, you were always so much brighter and better than him. All Saeran had on his mind was hate and a desire to hurt those beneath him so that nobody could dare lay a hand on him again, while you've put so much effort into becoming someone who will help those who can't help themselves. As GE Saeran, he is the most loving and gentle supporter you can get. Saeran is a pretty clingy partner, but not in a suffocating way, as it could become with Ray. He just wants to be around you, kind of like an affectionate cat. So, while he won't bother you during your study sessions, he will still sit close to you, touching you in one way or another. It could be just your arms touching, or him silently hugging you from behind. The only way this can become a problem for you is the overwhelming urge to cuddle with him instead of focusing on your studies, to which he will chuckle and sheepishly apologize. Saeran will also make sure you're not overworking yourself. He knows better than anyone what's it like to work yourself down to the bone, and he doesn't want that to ever happen to you. So, he'll bring you food, water, and remind you to rest your eyes every so often. Saeran's support is a comforting and quiet one. It makes you feel safe and unafraid of anything, as long as you know you'll have him waiting for you when you return back home.

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stuckinapril · 1 year

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you said you have a hangout set up with your crush (good luck!) but i’m here wondering how do you get to that stage? rn i just stare longingly at him and hope he makes the first move

honestly it was just the natural progression of things. we're both pre-med, so i was acquainted w him last semester through one of our uni's clubs--but our interactions were pretty superficial. he's the kind of guy who gets along w everyone, so i just thought he was trying to be friendly. & i basically forgot about him.

then he and i volunteered at the same clinic last weekend, he ended up driving me back to my place, and we just had a pretty deep conversation. it would've been weirder to just be like "see you around" after that, so i just popped the question of hanging out and he was like "sure!!"

i'm not really the type of person to wait for guys to make the first move. just not my thing. he also was in the more vulnerable position by opening up to me on the car ride, bc i didn't really open up to him equally--so i guess a way to look at it is i had to even the field by putting myself in the vulnerable position of asking first.

it helped that he and i already had a foundation. in your case, maybe build up the courage to approach your crush ygm? just come up and say hi and make a comment about his shoes or something. idk. but approaching people has never been that hard for me. if they're unpleasant in any form, it lets me know to never talk to them again lol, so it's a win win either way. i think in most cases that perfect "first move" moment only happens so rarely, esp w how passive guys can be. so i take the initiative myself and see where it goes. i'm also at peace w any outcome that comes out of it, so that helps lower the stakes for me. acting on my wants is really the most important thing. as long as i'm true to myself, what follows that is almost secondary

#ask

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discyours · 2 years

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a bad therapist might make your symptoms worse tho. the only okayish therapist I had said from what I described I was retraumatized when I went to a clinic for a month to treat my ptsd. i was constantly belittled by staff, was put in group therapy with men who sexually abused their girlfriends and told I am the problem for refusing to attend groups with these men present. I was also screamed at by a male psychologist when I came late to an appointment, because we weren't allowed electronics so I didn't know what time it was. He claimed he came looking for me at like the "hangout room" but couldn't find me so he accused me of leaving the clinic an avoiding the appointment on purpose. He lied because I was there the entire time chatting with other patients I said he can ask them if he wants, also the accusation made no sense why would I have come at all if I wanted to avoid the appointment? He didn't like my answer and started screaming at me and called me a liar, he became even angrier when I started crying from fear. I had specified when I was there I did not want male doctors or therapists bc I was there due to being abused and assaulted by men, and they disregarded that at every turn and well yeah treated my like I'm crazy when I showed normal stress responses after experiencing such things. This lead to me abusing my medication, so i was either numb or uncoscious while there and finally running away from the clinic.

I'm so sorry you went through that. I've heard of very few inpatient experiences that weren't straight up dehumanising. I feel very strongly about the need for psychiatric wards and group therapy to be sex segregated. I've only ever been on an adolescent ward but even there I remember a girl telling me that a boy had called her into his room while he was masturbating (ie sexual assault) and a 16/17 year old boy who was VERY nice to me when I came in and turned out to be ""having sex with"" another 13 year old female patient. Mental illness does not inherently make people dangerous but vulnerable women and girls need to be kept safe from men.

I also refuse male therapists (the place that was unwilling to treat me but could've offered "support" only works in teams which include men, so wasn't actually able to offer me anything) and I'm completely familiar with being treated like you're insane for it. As if the need to feel even somewhat safe with your therapist in order for them to be of any help is irrational. The system is broken and loves to blame patients for not being able to heal within it.

#anon #psychiatric abuse #tw

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revolutionarysuicide · 2 years

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If you want someone to pay for your bottom surgery have you considered making a gofundme for it? I'm sure people would donate

i did consider making a gofundme for surgery back in 2020 and got as far as making a draft gofundme that i never made public.

i had a lot of hestitation about it for several reasons. first of all, if you want to get a lot of donations, you have to be very personal and vulnerable. when people seek donations they always list all their marginalisations—i'm trans, i'm chinese, i'm autistic, i'm lesbian, whatever. gfm also makes you attach an image—while you don't have to attach a picture of yourself, it certainly helps for encouraging internet strangers to donate if they can see your face and your humanity, as well as for them to feel more assured that your fundraiser is not a scam. most fundraisers i see do have a picture of the person's face. and, i mean, for all i can overshare online, i do think i genuinely keep an awful lot of my personal life private, and there's a lot of things that i just don't want to put in a fundraiser whose goal is to spread as far and wide as possible. i also don't want to very publicly announce that i'm trans and attach a picture of my face? or even put my full name to the gfm without a picture of myself?

ultimately it came down to the fact that i would never get enough donations. surgery is fucking expensive. bottom surgery is tens of thousands of pounds. what happens if i get, say, £5000? i can't get half a surgery. i would feel bad for all these people donating so much money to me and me still being unable to use that money until i hit an amount which i likely never will.

i also don't have a lot of followers on any website. i have social media accounts on a few sites but i don't link them to each other, & generally keep pretty anonymous on all of them. if i posted a fundraiser it would probably not reach that many people, definitely not so many people that we could collectively raise tens of thousands of pounds. if i wanted to maximise my chances of reaching my goal, i'd have to break anonymity on my social media as well as linking them all together. as in—i have a twitter for instance, but only like, what, 1 person knows that polarisedray on tumblr is [redacted] on twitter? i like keeping all my social media separate & i like not spilling my guts to the world so that i can beg for a sum of money i'll never reach.

so yeah, i was referred to an nhs gender identity clinic in 2017 and will still probably not get surgery for like a decade to come because britain sucks, spread the word. and getting surgery privately is just not gonna happen unless you know of any benevolent individuals with absurd amounts of spare money.

#asks

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psycholojosh · 7 days

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Hi! I want to pursue clinical psychology as well and would like to know what to expect if I decide to take this route.

I have a lot of questions I'm sorry I hope you don't mind 😣

What challenges and difficulties did you face? How did you choose your university? Is it important to consider it it's MA or MSc?

What are the advantages and realities of working as one? How would you describe your work environment and relations? How do you feel about working as a psychologist?

Hey, anon! 😊 Binuhay mo ulit Tumblr ko. Haha! But thank you for this question. This is really one of the reasons why I write what I write here.

To start off, I think I wanna clarify and set expectations that I am NOT a psychologist. At least, not yet. 😏 (And I'm working on it!) Also, my answer to this question may be different from what other psychologists, psychometricians, and other professionals would answer. So, I encourage you to ask them the same things to them for your insights.

For me, I did encounter (and still do) challenges starting out. I once wrote a long post about what started my clinical psychology degree and tips to consider in building one (especially if you're living in the Philippines). But in a gist, paving your way to a clinical psychology degree requires a lot of willingness to go through personal changes, albeit some uncomfortable ones. I think other career tracks also would say the same. But, at least for clinical psychology, the first client you have is... you. So be open to learn, receive feedback, be vulnerable, and adapt. There are other systemic factors that will challenge you too. In the Philippines, bachelor's degree holders may not have many work opportunities within the mental health field without a postgraduate degree (I also described this in my career beginnings post). So your grit, resourcefulness, and drive will be put to the test. For me, to make a practical choice and fund my career path, I worked multiple jobs that are similar in nature and enough to pay for my MA and personal needs. I also tapped into my network to find these (professors, peers, etc.). It wasn't easy, but nothing worth having comes easy, I believe.

Similarly, my choice of pursuing which school or program for my postgraduate clinical psychology training required a lot of pragmatic and value-driven thinking. A misconception we have is that the "school determines the quality of training" - which is only partially true. While looking at a school's credential and excellence is valid, I believe a more helpful approach is to determine what training program suits YOU. So consider these: How soon do you want to finish the training? How much resources do you have (or possibly, surely acquire) to use for training, i.e. money, materials, etc.? How much support (financial, logistic, emotional, etc.) do you require? I personally chose UP, despite the known advantages and tradeoffs, because I didn't have any money (my family cannot fund it) to start with, and the jobs couldn't afford me expensive programs. But I believed that the training there suited my interests.

That said, asking about whether to take an MA or MSc - even MP, or straight to doctorate (PhD/PsyD) - is a matter of preference. It would require you to ask similar questions I did in the previous paragraph. But, on top of them, I would also add the questions of what your personal and professional interests are. With what you know now: What kind of psychologist do you want to be? Is there an approach to therapy and/or assessment that appeals to your curiosity at the moment? Would you be interested to be more of a researcher, practitioner, educator, or a combination of any? Are there certain groups of people you are interested in serving for? What about advocacy or a research interest? You may not need to have all questions answered, or have surefire ones anyway. But, these are relevant in getting to know what values inform the choice you will make.

Lastly, I take the last set of questions as very, very, very, very nuanced ones because the clinical psychology career for me feels like ever evolving thing. Again, it's different for each one, so please keep asking around. When I can, I'll write more posts about my experiences (I'm just neck-deep in MA right now). But personally, I've been blessed to find jobs that have incredible and compassionate supervisors and colleagues. There were also some difficult environments and people to work with too. But I've been inspired, criticized, supported, challenged, and believed on by so many thus far. And I know there's a lot more to come. But I think what makes my career path a net positive experience so far is my passion and sense of purpose. There will be days that I felt awful, incompetent, confused, lost, and fatigued. But there are also days I felt amazing, confident, inspired, connected, and driven. Knowing your "why" will be a north star. But to know that requires a lot of courage to face uncertainties. A lot of faith in yourself helps too.

I hope these things help you think about what career you want, especially if you're considering clinical psychology. Our field's a whole universe in itself, and I find it exciting. I discover you find whatever it is that excites you too. 😊

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tallmantall · 3 months

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James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Help Kids Learn to Fail

Only through trial and error can children become resilient adults Writer: Beth Arky Clinical Expert: Amanda G. Mintzer, PsyD What You'll Learn - Why is it important for kids to fail? - How can you teach your kids to bounce back from failure? - What should you do if your child is anxious about failing? - Quick Read - Full Article - First, show empathy - Make yourself a model - Make it a teachable moment - The minefield of social media - Step back and allow kids to fail - Therapy can help Failure is a part of life. Teaching kids to fail and bounce back makes them stronger and more ready to face life’s challenges. When kids fear failing, they’re at risk for anxiety and meltdowns when things go wrong. But how do parents teach kids to fail well? It’s hard, but parents need to try step back and give kids room to mess up. If you’re always over their shoulder guiding them, they can’t fail and try again. That’s an important experience that they need to learn and grow. When your kid does fail at something, let them know you see how frustrated and disappointed they are. Skipping right to bouncing back doesn’t give kids the time they need to feel their feelings. Then, you can make failing a teachable moment. When your kid is ready, talk about what went wrong and how they might do things differently next time. Or how they might try again. Help them weigh the pros and cons of their choices. You can also talk about your own mistakes or failures. Show them those moments are part of life. It’s okay that things don’t always go our way. If kids have so much fear of failing that they can’t function, therapy can help. Parents tend to see their mission as helping their kids succeed. But there’s a growing realization among teachers and other professionals who work with children that kids increasingly need help learning how to fail. Not learning to tolerate failure leaves kids vulnerable to anxiety. It leads to meltdowns when the inevitable failure does occur, whether it happens in preschool or college. And perhaps even more important, it can make kids give up trying—or trying new things. That’s why Michael Jordan, one of the world’s greatest athletes, has spent years preaching the importance of losing. Jordan has spoken extensively about how perseverance and resilience in the face of challenges on and off the court are what have made him a winner. Unfortunately, as the world puts increased pressure on kids to be winners, and parents feel compelled to enable them in every way possible, we’re seeing more and more kids who become distraught over even the smallest misstep. Take Sara’s son John, who started taking piano lessons at 6. “Every time he played a wrong note he would pick up the music booklet and hit himself on the head with it!” she says. “His piano teacher said she’d never seen a kid who was so hard on himself. I told him when he made a mistake to treat himself the way he’d treat his younger cousin, that no one can learn if someone’s being mean to them, and that he wasn’t allowed to be mean to himself.” When Alicia’s daughter Sara was 14, she became so distraught over not getting into a selective high school, while friends did, she began to self-harm. “It was so terrible: the pressure, the disappointment,” says Alicia. Clearly, distress or frustration tolerance is an important life skill to master. When it comes to school, “the ability to tolerate imperfection—that something is not going exactly your way—is oftentimes more important to learn than whatever the content subject is,” says Amanda Mintzer, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “Building that skill set is necessary for kids to be able to become more independent and succeed in future endeavors, whether it’s personal goals, academic goals, or just learning how to effectively deal with other people.” So how do parents teach kids to fail? Dr. Mintzer offers a multistep process: First, show empathy Empathize with your child; see that she’s in distress. “Don’t just say, ‘It’s okay, you’ll do better next time,’” Dr. Mintzer says. “It’s invalidating to brush off a child’s feelings of frustration and disappointment.” Instead, parents need to change their language: “I see you’re really disappointed, I know you really wanted to do better.” Make yourself a model You can explain that failure is a part of life and happens to everyone, even you. You could share examples of “failures” you’ve had. “Parents can model how to handle their own disappointment,” such as losing out on a promotion at work, Dr. Mintzer says. “Kids aren’t necessarily exposed to the reality that life includes mistakes, missteps, and even failures. As much as everyone likes things to go according to plan, it’s important to teach our children that it is also okay when they don’t.” Make it a teachable moment A child’s failure is a chance for parents to teach acceptance and problem-solving skills. You and your child can try to come up with what she could do the next time for a better chance at success. For instance, could they study differently or talk to the teacher about any problems they’re having before a test? “It’s a balance of acceptance and change,” Dr. Mintzer says. “It’s about accepting that the situation is what it is and building frustration tolerance while also asking, ‘Can we change something in the future. Can we learn from this?’” The minefield of social media At the same time, kids need to know that sometimes when we fail or face disappointment, there’s not a lot we can do about it in that moment; we have to accept it as a part of life and move on. Dr. Mintzer notes as an example the minefield that is social media. Say a girl’s friends tell her they can’t hang out with her and then she sees them together on Instagram or Facebook. “That really hurts,” Dr. Mintzer says. “There are lots of emotions: frustration, disappointment, sadness, anger. How does she deal with that? Calling friends and screaming at them only makes things worse. She could ignore it and pretend she never saw, but that’s not going to make her feel better or change what happens in the future.” So how can a parent help her accept what happened? The girl might be able to get more information to make herself feel better. Perhaps she can talk to these kids in a calm way, telling them that she saw the photos and her feelings were hurt. Maybe she’ll discover a reason behind it. But she may not get an answer she likes, or get one at all. That leads to another life lesson: Sometimes we get left out, sometimes we aren’t liked, and we have to learn to cope with that truth without making the situation worse. Dr. Mintzer notes, “A lot of these skills are needed for interpersonal relationships.” Step back and allow kids to fail It can be very tough to watch your child fall down but they can only learn how to handle disappointment through trial and error. As books like The Blessings of a Skinned Knee and the newly released Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed emphasize, parents must stop hovering. Otherwise, they rob children of the very experiences that require problem-solving and set them on the path to resilience and the confidence to take on new challenges. #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub Therapy can help If a child can’t function because of a fear of failure, therapy may be called for. Even if a child doesn’t have an anxiety diagnosis, they may be frozen with anxiety. When that happens, Dr. Mintzer says, with what’s called exposure therapy, “we slowly expose them to things that aren’t perfect.” For instance, parents will complain that homework takes forever because a child will repeatedly rip it up and start over. “We’re teaching kids that it’s okay to misspell a word and keep going,” she says. “In a session we might have them write a paragraph or two and make as many mistakes as they can, including sloppy handwriting, to get them used to the idea that it ‘s not the end of the world.” “We’re saying,” she adds, “‘We’re going to practice making mistakes. We know, it’s uncomfortable for you, and we also know that with practice, you can learn how tolerate it.’” Parents have more ways to help their kids move beyond failure. When Alicia discovered Sara’s self-harming, she tried to set her up for success by enrolling her in a small, private school. She also got Sara into therapy and tried to give her the time and support to “figure things out,” allowing her the chance to feel proud of herself when she did. Alicia says Sara, now about to start her junior year, “just told me she’s so glad she went there instead of one of the selective enrollments. At the time, it seemed to her like a huge failure to be rejected by those schools. But she’s much happier now, no self-harming and displaying resiliency.” Learning to fail can be painful. But kids will only succeed if they can acquire the skill to handle whatever life throws their way. Read the full article

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careeralley · 2 years

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Are You an Aspiring Nurse? – Choose From These 4 Lucrative Career Options

There are so many reasons to become a nurse. For starters, it's an extremely rewarding career choice. Nurses help people who are sick or injured get well again, which is something we all want for ourselves and our loved ones. And not only do nurses help make people healthy again, but they also support them emotionally through the difficult process. As a nurse, you're helping people in their most vulnerable moments, and that's something you can't put a price on. Nursing is also an excellent way to earn a living. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, a registered nurse earns an average annual salary of $77,600—which is much higher than many other occupations in the country. It’s double what most Americans earn. There are many different types of nurses that specialize in different areas, such as pediatrics, geriatrics, and emergency medicine. Each type of nurse has its own set of requirements and qualifications that need to be met before you can become one yourself. Family Nurse Practitioners If you're an aspiring nurse and have your sights set on becoming a Family Nurse Practitioner, then you're in luck. There are many programs available to help you achieve your goals. The first option is to pursue dual nurse practitioner programs online. These programs are designed to provide you with the training and education necessary to become a Family Nurse Practitioner. You can earn your MSN degree while completing the clinical hours required to become certified as a Family Nurse Practitioner. The majority of these programs will require you to complete two or three years of study and clinical hours before earning your degree and certification. There are many different types of nurses that specialize in different areas, such as pediatrics, geriatrics, and emergency medicine. Each type of nurse has its own set of requirements and qualifications that need to be met before you can become one yourself.Click To Tweet Another option is taking a non-dual program that offers both MSN and FNP program options. These programs typically take longer than those offered by traditional colleges because they require students to earn their bachelor's degree first before pursuing their master's degree as an RN or LPN/LVN student. Family Nurse Practitioners can specialize in areas, such as pediatrics, geriatrics, women's health, and family planning. Some family nurse practitioners also choose to become certified in one or more specialties, such as emergency medicine or critical care nursing. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), demand for nurse practitioners will continue to increase and is expected to generate 234,690 job opportunities in the coming years. Clinical Nurse Specialist There are many different career options for aspiring nurses. One of the options is to become a clinical nurse specialist. The Nursing World defines a clinical nurse as the specialist who provides diagnosis, treatment, and ongoing management of patients. In addition, these nurses can offer expertise and support to nurses caring for patients and assist in bringing practice changes throughout the organization. Also, they can ensure the utilization of best practices and evidence-based care to achieve the best possible patient outcomes. CNs are registered nurses with advanced education and experience in specialized areas of nursing practice such as critical care, cardiology, or oncology, according to AACN. They receive additional training from their employers to become certified by the American Board of Nursing Specialties (ABNS) or other certifying bodies. Registered Nurse One of the lucrative career options for an aspiring nurse is to become a registered nurse. A registered nurse has completed a nursing program and passed a certification exam. They are qualified to administer medications, provide direct patient care, and take vital signs. Registered nurses also perform many administrative tasks such as maintaining medical records, billing insurance companies, and supervising other staff members. Registered nurses are responsible for the overall health of their patients and their families. There were 3,059,800 registered nurses employed in 2018. With the growing demand for RNs, the BLS predicted that there will be roughly 3,431,300 job opportunities for RNs by the year 2028. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, an RN can earn an average annual salary of $77,600, which is about $37.31 an hour. This salary can vary depending on location and experience level. Certified Nurse Midwife Certified Nurse Midwife is a career option for an aspiring nurse. The Certified Nurse Midwife is a nurse who specializes in caring for women and their newborn babies during pregnancy, labor and delivery, and postpartum. These nurses also provide care after the birth of a child until the mother is able to resume normal activities. Certified Nurse Midwives are advanced practice nurses who have earned a master's degree in nursing and are licensed to practice midwifery. They specialize in providing maternity care and family planning services. Different entities like hospitals, clinics, private practices, or other settings are suitable for working certified nurse midwives. Certified Nurse-Midwives are the primary providers of prenatal care for women. They also provide care during labor and delivery. Some Certified Nurse-Midwives also provide postpartum care for new mothers. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), there are approximately 6,500 nurse midwives working in the country as of 2018. Summing Up The job market is always changing, and so are the career options. The healthcare industry has been experiencing a boom in the past few years, and as a result, there will be massive job opportunities for aspiring nurses. Becoming a nurse in 2022 can be a lucrative career choice. Read the full article

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princess-luma · 2 years

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Interview with a Future Counselor

Hello my dear readers! Jordan here! I recently I interviewed Danielle, who is a 28 year old, female student who is enrolled in the Clinical Mental Health graduate program at Antioch University to become a clinical mental health counselor and eventually wants run her own private practice! She is currently taking a "Counseling and the Professional Identity Class in which she has to create a fake website for her future counseling practice. In this interview, we will talk about what that process was like for her, the challenges, and her hopes and dreams for her future career. Continue to read below for the interview!

Jordan, Interviewer: "Hello! Danielle! I am so glad for this opportunity to interview you about this fun project you are doing. First off, how has graduate school been for you?

Danielle: "Thank you for having me! So far graduate school has been great. I have really learned a lot about myself. It can be quite challenging but I'm excited to see the counselor ill become when I am done with the program."

Jordan, Interviewer: "Graduate school does sound challenging but it sounds like you are making the most of it. Speaking of your future counselor self, lets talk about this project. First thigs first: The name. Where did you come up with that name, "One Step At a Time?"

Danielle: "I came up with the name "One Step At a Time based on the tattoo I have on my wrist. I got this tattoo over my self harm scars as a reminder that there will be ups and downs in my life but to be kind to myself in this process. I think that there is this rush to get through the healing process but we don't-and shouldn't- have to rush through it. We can take one step at a time and I want to be able to be there with my clients as they take their first steps towards healing. I drew the design and gave it to my friend who is a digital artist and she was able to produce the logo. Lavender and Teal are my favorite colors and that looks pretty together. Plus I associate these colors with the relaxing smell of lavender. I find that I am most at peace when I am on the blue waters of lake Chelan. So those were perfect colors for me."

Jordan, interviewer: "What an inspiring message with a lot of personal elements that you have been able to incorporate into this project about your future professional business. I think its important for counselors to put their hearts into their work. What does being a counselor mean to you?"

Danielle: "Its so hard to put it all into words but being a counselor means to be able to help my clients think more openly, feel more deeply, and behave more responsible. As a counselor, I am just a GPS. My clients are the driver. I just lead them where they want to go. Its being able to give them a space to be vulnerable. To cry. To be scared. To feel loved. Accepted. I worked in community mental health for three years and I love connecting with people. Its one of the reasons why I became a counselor in the first place. Plus seeing what my own personal counseling had done for me, I wanted to spread that joy to others too."

Jordan, Interviewer: " You give them a space to be there authentic self. You accept them for who they are. You want to specialize in Adults with ADHD, Schizophrenia, and Trauma. What made you want to do that?"

Danielle: "I have personal experience with ADHD. I look at social media and more and more people are being diagnosed with ADHD and realizing that its so much more then just not being able to pay attention and being hyper. I want to help people navigate their ADHD and use it as a super power.

I have a lot of compassion towards people with psychosis. They are misunderstood and sometimes villainized in our culture. I have worked with people who have psychosis in the past and seeing them get stabilized and live more fulfilling lives has been some of the most rewarding experiences of my career so far. Especially people who experience first episode psychosis. i want to help my clients and their families through these episodes.

Again, I have personal experience with trauma. It can effect your mind, body and emotions in so many different ways. Trauma is at the center of a lot of mental health issues and there is so many different types of trauma that can be so complex and I feel often gets overlooked and unacknowledged in our society. On a Mass scale and individual scale. I'd like to do EMDR because it is interesting. When you hear about it, it doesn't seem like conventional therapy but it does work!

I don't really have an interest in working with children right now because...well to be honest, I don't understand them! Plus I don't have a desire to work in schools. Ill stick with adults for now. Maybe couples therapy in the future for me? "

Jordan, Interviewer: "I noticed on your "About Me" section of your page that talks about people hearing voices. Why did you write it like that? why didn't you flat out say "psychosis?"

Danielle: "There is a lot of stigma with the diagnosis of schizophrenia or psychosis. No one wants to be associated with schizophrenia or psychosis. In my experience, my clients do not want to go to a group for "people with schizophrenia". However, my clients have wanted to attend a group for people who hear voices or may see things that are not there. Again in my experience, it has never gone well telling a client they have schizophrenia or offer treatment for schizophrenia but it has gone well when I have validated their experienced, told them they weren't alone, and trying to establish trust. Destigmatizing and earning trust with my client is a high priority for me and I wanted this section to convey this. Maybe its a bit deceptive but...maybe i could write it better in the future? Id like to have more training about how to talk about serious mental illness to people with serious mental illness."

Jordan, Interviewer: "You have a lot of compassion in your heart and you seem to understand this rise in mental health awareness for ADHD and trauma as well as a need to serve more serious mental illness like psychosis. What treatment methods or approach do you plan on using with your clients?

Danielle: "Right now the answer is "what treatment am I not going to learn how to use?" Haha. I understand that I do have an ethical obligation to only use the appropriate treatment for my clients needs. However, there are so many types of treatment out there that I just can't pick one so ill explore what I can! I do want to become a ADHD professional though. DBT therapy is important for me to learn because it helps with emotional regulation that comes with ADHD. CBTp is helpful for my psychosis clients plus I have experience doing CBTp in group treatment but not individual treatment. EMDR is good for Trauma and there a rise in demand of people seeking this treatment. I am interested in ACT therapy because I like the message of ACT which is to accept and action based therapy. Whatever my clients needs are, I am hoping to be able to provide them with that support. If i can't, i have an ethical responsibility to refer them out. I know i can't learn everything but I do want to find a specialization. We will see what my future holds. Ill have my niche. Sometimes I need help finding a focus. Haha"

Jordan, interviewer: "I can see how you would want to try to learn everything and as much as you can but also you want to avoid being a "jack of all trades, master of none." Another thing I noticed was certain organizations you belong do. Why are you a member of those organizations?" Danielle: "The ACA are the "Big boys" that help with training and I believe will help me establish a more professional identity. I'm not sure if everyone is required to be apart of the ACA but. I figured it would be helpful. I have actually worked with the North America CBT for psychosis Network. I helped them with their group CBTp program and I had such a great experience doing that. Plus I wanted to find a local network to be a part of that was more in my community. Lastly, I wanted to be a member of the American Professional society of ADHD and related disorders because...I love talking to people about ADHD-especially if they have ADHD themselves. I like having joy with my ADHD community and seeing what new things are being talked about. It helps me with my ADHD as well as my clients. Memberships are expensive but they might be worth it in the future."

Jordan, Interviewer: "Those sound like good choices. I like that you want to be connected to more professionals that are like you and ones that are local too. It helps build a stronger community. Where do you see your future career going?"

Danielle: "Well, I see myself graduating in 3 or so years with my masters in clinical mental health. I hope to take a clinician position at a community mental health clinic in my county or id like to work with the New Journeys Program, which is a special program for those who are experiencing first episode psychosis. After I get all of my hours needed and pass my exam to become a licensed mental health counselor, I would like to do my own private practice. I have thought about partnering up with shelters to help people find emotional support animals but we will see. Eventually, id like to be able to provide supervision to other counselors. I've thought about working for an inpatient hospital or some sort of crisis center because I like crisis work and working with serious mental illness and then eventually becoming like...some sort of clinical director? We shall see but I think private practice is the ultimate end goal."

Jordan, interviewer: "Lots of avenues to explore! I bet it must be hard making all of these decisions on what you want to do with career. What do you think was the biggest challenge about this assignment?

Danielle: "Oh boy. The biggest challenge was writing my "About me". It was hard for me to write what all I wanted to convey about myself that didn't sound like a copy and paste from another counselors "about me" page. I wanted to stand out from others while also being my authentic self. It was difficult for me to find legit trainings that wasn't a scam or was an actual creditable title. The organizations were hard too cause I wanted to find the right ones that were actually feasible for me in the future. I am still wondering "Am I missing anything?" when I look at my assignment but I'm overall satisfied with it."

Jordan, Interviewer: "Yeah! I can imagine that it would be hard. So many choices! So much to say in so little words and space. My Last question to you is: What did you learn about this experience? What did you get out of it?"

Danielle: "When my friend send me back my official logo for my future private practice I had an "oh shit." moment. Like I caught a glimpse into my future. At the beginning of this program, it was hard for me to even acknowledge that I got accepted in. I thought to myself. "Me? A professional counselor? What? But I'm still a baby." but looking at that logo, I finally was like "holy cow. I am going to be a professional counselor. This could be a real future for me! " and I became filled with excitement but also got a sense of duty. The duty to become this person I wrote an "about me" section for. Of course, that person is still me but will be a more professional me. That will include doing outside reading, research, CEUS, trainings, conferences, and ect. Then I just cried. I was just so happy. Sometimes when you are in school, graduation seems so far away and its easy to lose sight of what you are working towards. To see the future I was working towards. it just put a spark in me. I feel like this is where I belong-at Antioch, in the mental health field. This is what I want to do. I think I have a whole new attitude change after this. This might sound childish but I feel like I'm all grown up!"

Jordan, Interviewer: "I am glad you had the moment to realize that you are working towards something. Something that you are passionate about. Something that will change your life and others. A way to give back to the world. I wish you all the best! You can do it!"

Danielle: "Yeah. Thank you. I know I can."

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doctor360india · 2 years

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All you need to understand regarding allergies

Allergies are often the body’s exuberant response to something harmless, and anything that the body gets exposed to can result in an allergy. Concerning what people are allergic to, most commonly, medicines, those can either be inhaled, consumed, or by vane; foods are typical allergens as well; you can be allergic to things that your skin comes into contact with; as well as aeroallergens, which are allergens that are in the natural environment, most commonly viewed as pollens during the growing seasons or cat dander, dust mites, mild. So, stinging insects can cause allergies likewise.

There isn’t a cure for the majority of allergies. However, treatment options can help alleviate unhealthy symptoms and prevent them from getting more intense. Outlined in this article, we’ll answer some of the most typical queries concerning allergies and hope to put your mind at ease.

1. What conditions are caused by allergies?

Allergic rhinitis, eczema, and anaphylaxis are a few conditions brought on by allergic reactions. Allergic rhinitis impacts about 40% of individuals or more than half of children between four to seventeen years. It’s primarily triggered by dirt, dust mites, mild, or pet dander, leading to sneezing, blocked nasal area, runny nose, and skin rash.

Allergic eczema happens when your skin comes into contact with an allergen, generating an itchy or unpleasant skin rash. It usually does not show up immediately, sometimes taking up to 24 or 48 hours to build up. Typical allergens include specific chemicals, lotions, soaps, nickel, dyes, and fragrances.

Anaphylaxis is a deadly allergic assault that results in the inflammation of air pathways and skin rash. Your blood pressure will drop whenever this happens, and your air passages will narrow, leading to breathing issues, fatigue, and nausea. It happens almost instantly when subjected to the allergen and can be life-threatening if not given emergency healthcare help.

2. What are common allergens?

Watch out for well-known allergens at home, your young one’s school, or playing locations. A list of some common allergens to take into consideration are:

Dust mites

Dust

Meld

Pollen

Pet fur

Cigarette smoke

Stress

Exercise

Certain soaps and cleaning products

Certain medicines

3. What are the risk factors linked to allergies?

Children are more prone to develop allergies than grownups, and those who have a family history of allergies expect to have an even higher risk. Besides genetics, a vulnerable immune system can raise the threat of an allergic invasion. For example, when your body is confronted with an allergen after a viral infection, you may be more susceptible to allergic reactions.

4. What are the symptoms of an allergic assault?

Your symptoms may vary depending on the kind of allergic assault and how intense it is. For example, if you have a skin allergy and your skin is confronted with an allergen, you may get a skin rash. However, you might encounter a runny nose if you have allergic rhinitis. Below are a few prevalent conditions associated with allergic reactions:

Sneezing, runny or clogged nose

Itchy, reddish or watery eyes

Wheezing, coughing, or tightness of the chest

Itchy, red or unpleasant rash

Red, dry or chipped skin

5. What should I do if I encounter the above symptoms?

If you’re suffering from any of the above symptoms, or suspect an allergic attack, make sure you avoid self-medication and seek advice from a doctor to get the appropriate diagnosis and treatment. If left without treatment, allergies can aggravate over time and cause more harm to your system. Conditions like trouble breathing, wheezing, or fainting that may or may not develop with skin rash and tummy pain are symptoms of an anaphylactic shock. Anaphylaxis is a rapidly escalating, serious allergic reaction that requires a clinical emergency and can be deadly if not treated immediately.

#Treatments #First Aid #All you need to understand regarding allergies

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borresmedegaard1 · 2 years

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Pet dogs result in really excellent household pets. They can provide love and joy. The two of you will probably be more joyful in case you have a better understanding of the requirements. This article will give you the commence you want within your journey to dog intelligence.

Consider subsidized medical for your pet if funds are tight. Numerous nearby residential areas, in assistance with organizations like the SPCA provide reduced professional services which have established very helpful to people who own dogs. Look into getting your canine spayed or neutered and vaccinated for a fraction of veterinarian fees at the subsidized occasion probably close up-by to you personally. Just get in touch with the SPCA or perhaps animal shelter in your town. Consider hands impulses together with spoken orders when training your pet. Signals like these aid your pet dog find out points swiftly. noida pet clinic will learn the same, so try different methods along with your canine. When you have a dog, ensure that you provide him with enough water. H2o ought to be provided for your pet constantly throughout the day, particularly in the summertime. Put his drinking water pan someplace in which no-one will getaway over it, otherwise you'll be washing your flooring for hours on end! Take into consideration your lifestyle and then locate a pet breed that will easily fit into nicely together with your habits. If you love to operate, look for a pooch that may love to work along with you. In case you are much more of a homebody, a lesser, significantly less energetic pet who taking pleasure in becoming pampered is the better choice. If you get the perfect match, you'll each be more joyful! It includes a bacterium that may pollute neighborhood supplies if it washes right through to soil drinking water. It is crucial so that you can keep the dog's ears nice and clean. Maintaining the inside of the ear thoroughly clean may help protect against bacterial infections of the hearing. This is an effective time for you to examine the ear canal for ticks, ticks and any other insects that may made your dog's ear house. Ensure that you cut your dog's fingernails or toenails on the reasonably regular basis. You do not would like them to acquire too long since it will make it not comfortable to allow them to walk and so they could produce health concerns. They will be at a span that simply about touches the soil. It is very frequent for things to acquire lodged inside the padding of your respective dogs paws. Verify them on a regular basis to make sure that nothing is in there. If you notice some thing, use caution about taking it all out, or it could come to be lodged even much deeper. This is a best if you use tweezers just for this. Be prepared to have lots of patience along with your pet during potty-training. Similar to youngsters, puppies discover at different rates and grows older as well as your canine can be slow or obstinate. Have excellent resources close at hand to support your efforts and remember to not get mad when your puppy has "incidents" as that may only impede his development. To discourage your puppy from gnawing almost everything inside your home, merge equivalent areas of h2o, white wine vinegar and apple inc-cider white vinegar inside a squirt package. Delicately mist such things as shoes and umbrella handles and also this must push away your pet dog. Otherwise, dab just a little minty muscle cream on the issues he's vulnerable to chomping and this should benefit positive. Bridegroom your pet dog regularly. Keep these clean and lessen the amount of hair they drop by cleaning them often. If the climate heats up up, start checking out them for ticks and fleas everyday. Puppies normally need a couple of baths annually. Before you decide to give your pet a shower, ensure that you lower or comb out mats and tangles. Always rinse their jacket carefully to prevent soil sticking to any cleansing soap residue. Prior to follow your dog, figure out the place your puppy will have access to. Will not wait to maintain your dog from specific bedrooms for those who have valuable items inside them or some completely new flooring. Make the space your pet dog is going to be occupying by taking away wire connections your pet might be inclined to chew. When your puppy continues to be actively playing outside the house, make time to check out its ear and throat for ticks. These harmful bacteria are really frequent and might create your puppy sick unless you make a change immediately. Take your pet to the veterinary clinic if you do not understand how to get rid of the ticks yourself. The reality is that no advice is going to be ideal both. Each and every scenario calls for various side effects, whether it be what you should supply a dog or if you should go ahead and take dog to the vet. Your puppy will likely be pleased so long as you enjoy them, and the good news is, this is the least complicated portion of the career!

#veterinary hospital near me

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itsdanii · 3 years

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Hurting his s/o’s feelings pt.2

genre: slight angst to fluff

ft. tsukishima kei x gn!reader

throughout your 8 months of relationship, you've been nothing but patient to your boyfriend but sometimes, you wish that he'd show you more affection.

ushijima’s part

People often describe your boyfriend as cold and mean but you never minded them. After all, why would you listen to other people's unwanted opinion if you knew Tsukishima better? You were his girlfriend, not them.

You love Kei. In fact, you learned to love him more than you expected. The playful banter between the two of you, the sight of his flushed cheeks everytime he was embarrassed and even the smirk he always had when he was flustering you. Everything about him made your heart flutter.

But sometimes, Kei's lack of affection towards you made you feel sad. No matter how much you tell yourself to be patient because you knew that it's hard for him to open up to other people aside from Yamaguchi, you can't help but crave his touch.

Maybe it was because you kept seeing couples holding each other's hands when they walk, or the sight of other girlfriends wearing their boyfriend's jacket when they're cold. You don't know for sure but it was there - the feeling of insecurity.

Despite the lack of sleep, a smile was present on your face as you made your way to the gymnasium where you knew your boyfriend was currently practicing.

Packed in the bento you were holding is a combination of riceballs and some strawberries, knowing how much your boyfriend loved them. You also brought some fresh strawberry milk that you made yourself to warm him up for the cold weather.

You sneezed as the wind blew, your thin uniform the only thing covering you from the cold. You were quite in a hurry when you left home, making Kei's breakfast and forgetting to set an alarm last night.

The consequence? The dark circles under your eyes that you tried hard to cover with make up. You even forgot to bring your own jacket.

As you entered the gym, Hinata was the first one to spot you, jumping and squealing your name as he rushed towards your direction. You can't help but giggle at the adorable tangerine boy.

"Hey, Sho. Is Kei there?" You asked, looking behind him to spot your boyfriend.

"He went to the restroom, I think? He was grumpy this morning!" Hinata complained. "Well, he's always grumpy...but extra grumpy today! Like super grumpy grumpy!"

"Grumpy? I wonder what happened," you said with a small pout.

"Oi, Hinata-boke! Stop bothering Tsukishima's s/o and finish your lunch!" Kageyama scolded.

You could only giggle as you watched the two start to bicker among themselves.

When Tsukishima arrived, you immediately stood up and held out your arm, presenting the bento you made for him. "I made you lunch!" you said happily.

"I thought I warned you not to visit me during practice," Tsukishima said while looking at you with a small scowl.

Your confidence immediately deflated at his tone and choice of words. You knew that he often tells you not to visit practice, claiming you as a distraction. "Sorry, Kei. I just wanted to surprise you with some food. I even made strawberry milk for you! It's warm and-"

"I didn't tell you to make me lunch though. I already ate with Yamaguchi."

Yamaguchi's eyes widen at the mention of his name. "O-oh...right. I didn't know you were coming so I invited Tsukki to have lunch with me at the cafeteria. Sorry, y/n."

You gave Yamaguchi a small smile and looked down at the bento you were holding. "Is that so? Then...maybe you can eat this with me? I'll have the food and you can have the milk. I promise it's good," you said hopefully, fingers fiddling with the wrap covering the bento.

You heard your boyfriend sigh and you immediately looked up. "I don't want it. What part of I already ate can you not understand?"

"Oi, Stingyshima! I think that's too much!" Hinata interrupted, "I'll eat it for you, y/n!"

You ignored the orange head and gripped the bento tightly, your lips becoming wobbly and tears starting to gather in your eyes from the humiliation. "I shouldn't have come here."

You turned around and ran out of the gym, ignoring the shouts of the volleyball team.

When the classes ended, you felt like a literal zombie. Maybe you should've just slept more this morning instead of making your boyfriend's bento. After all, your efforts were not appreciated.

You exit your room and made your way to the school clinic, hoping to get some medicine for headache before you go home. Your head was pounding that you think you won't be able to make it home without taking any medicine.

As you entered, you were greeted by the nurse who immediately went to get the medicine you requested.

The door then busted open, revealing your boyfriend who was a bit sweaty and panting. "Y/n, what happened? I was waiting for you but one of your classmates said that you were at the clinic." He made his way to you and cupped your cheeks, his eyes widening at the feeling of hotness enveloped by his hand.

"I'm fine, Kei. It's nothing a medicine can't cure. I was just up all night is all," you mumbled and took his hands away from your face. You took the medicine from the nurse and walked out, leaving your boyfriend.

You knew that you were being petty, but with the way he acted awhile ago, you think that it was only right that you act like this.

As you reached for your water bottle from inside your bag, you felt your surroundings swaying, darkness starting to cloud your vision. You tried stilling yourself by holding on the wall for support but the pounding headache seemed to overcome your senses.

"Y/n!"

The shouts of your boyfriend were the last thing you heard before you completely passed out.

You woke up at the feeling of someone caressing your hair. A cooling sensation could be felt on your forehead as if someone had put a cold towel on it.

When your eyes fluttered open, you let out a small sigh. The headache you were experiencing awhile ago was not as painful but still there. "Kei?" you whispered as you allowed your vision to adjust.

"Take it easy, dumbass. You still have your fever," Tsukishima muttered as he supported your back when you sat up.

Remembering the fight that occurred awhile ago, you averted your gaze from him and looked down on your lap. You started fiddling with your fingers as your eyes started to water once again. "Kei, I'm s-"

"I'm sorry," Tsukishima cut you off. He took your hands in his and rubbed soothing circles at the back of your palm. "I'm sorry for acting hostile on you awhile ago. I knew you were only looking out for me and I took it for granted. I'm not the best boyfriend out there but..." he brought your hand on his lips and gave the back a kiss. "I promise that I'll try. Be more patient with me, love, please?"

The pleading look and vulnerability shown by your boyfriend made your heart ache. You knew that what happened awhile ago isn't something you should forget easily but the reassurance and love you have for your boyfriend was overcoming your insecurity. "No more pushing me away?" you said with a hopeful look.

You brought your hand on his face, cupping his cheek. "Open up to me, Kei. I love you. I don't want to lose you but if you keep pushing me away, you might be the one to lose me."

He gave you a small nod, hand moving on top of yours as he leaned to your touch. "I promise. Thank you for loving me and being patient with me."

Tsukishima scooted closer to you and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Giving your forehead a lingering kiss, he whispered softly against your skin, "Now, let me show you how much I love you."

likes and reblogs are appreciated ❤️

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terrence-silver · 2 years

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If Terry got his partner pregnant, what would he be like during the 9 months of pregnancy?

Health Obsessed ― You get the best doctors, a staff of nurses, helpers, assistants, maids and gynecologists' at your beck and call the very minute he discovers you're in a blessed state --- that is, validly, months before you'll even need any help, least of all 24/7 non stop aid on stand by, imported from from abroad, or commissioned into service from some high end private clinic. Terry won't take any chances. None at all. Dietitians, person trainers and breathing instructors, it's all there for you. You aren't even showing yet and he's already insisting you get prescribed a special eating list with all the vitamins, medications and nutrients you must intake for your own sake and your own immunity. And you will intake them, won't you, honey?

Obsessed in General ― Furthermore, is the air adequate for you? Someone in his staff must maintain and regulate the temperature at a mild gold ratio at all times. Is the natural light of the room good? Can you walk? Rather, should you walk? Maybe you should stay confined within your chambers. Maybe people shouldn't look at you or interact with you in general, except when he's flaunting you and the child in your belly, which he'd rather not do at all, because he's envious of people merely staring. Are you resting enough? Okay, rest more. And more. And more. Are the blankets you're resting on the highest of cashmere cotton quality? Is the room disinfected? Is he a control freak? He doesn't view it like that. He's simply meticulous.

Sexually Frustrated ― Other then being meticulous, Terry also might be aroused with the very idea you're carrying a part of him inside you and that you're swelling with him, good and glowy and rounded. That you're carrying a literal bit of his genetics in your body, as a living testament that you're his and that you'll always be his, connected through your union that is to be brought into this world through blood and pain and placenta. The morbid part of him is infinitely fascinated by that. The power hungry part of him is infinitely fascinated with how vulnerable you are and how easy it is to control you and be in charge of you for these nine months and the subsequent months that come after you give birth.

Horrendously Territorial ― Your pregnancy doesn't mean Terry's innate jealousy will subside, in fact, it's pronounced now, because he gets to be jealous over two people at once. Or three. Or four. Depending how many you're carrying. Irrelevant. Thing is, Terry notices everything. How people choose to congratulate the pregnancy. Who touched your belly. How long they lingered. Now he's wondering why they lingered at all, when that's his belly with his child in it, on his significant other. Of course, he might not show these things up front at all times, hiding it all behind masks of courtesy or simply poignant, intense, angry stares, but it's pretty certain Terry's ready, on the borderline, to get violent with someone who touched your stomach to 'feel it kicking'.

Micromanagement and Doting ― The crib got picked and the nursery room is furnished and a luxurious, branded set of clothes and strollers and baby equipment is ordered and bought over to the mansion post haste, the best hospital is booked months in advance and everything's under control and control and more control and nothing's left to chance. You don't even know when it's all done, it's simply done with expeditious, unbelievable speed, almost to the point you develop a strange, slightly eerie theory that Terry put all these things into motion...before you even got pregnant in the first place. Which is highly possible, knowing him. He's just a great planner like that.

Going the Old Fashioned Way ― You might have all the help in the world at your disposal readily available, but despite being an unimaginably wealthy business tycoon billionaire, I firmly believe he wants his kids raised by none other then him and his significant other. Why? Because he's possessive. He doesn't want to share a minute of the time of those he loves with a nanny, for example, because Terry would legitimately be the type to feel envious of a nanny or any sort of caretaker who usurps too much of his children's time, even though that's their job and now there's hell to pay. No, no. His children are his and yours and his and yours only. Or rather, you're his. And his children are his too. End of.

#terry silver #yandere #kk3 #cobra kai #headcanons #terry silver as a parent

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roger-that-cap · 3 years

Text

cardigan

natasha romanoff x f!reader

word count: 8.9k (haha)

warnings: swearing, cheating!natasha, sad!reader, uhm this is angsty for me, asshole!natasha, sort of asshole!team, more angst, sort of happy ending sort of, secrets™️

this is inspired by taylor swift’s cardigan. folklore and evermore are really getting me through this i swear

obviously i do not own this song, picture, or any of the warped lyrics that i attempted to slide in as creatively possible :) this is also my first one shot and my first reader insert ever- i tried to not go into any physical details about miss y/n but i hope y’all like it!

No editor. All mistakes are 100% mine!

You couldn’t have been any more excited to see Natasha. She had been gone for what felt like forever on a mission with Steve, Bucky, and some agent that was on her first big mission, a girl that you recalled to be named Abigail. Regardless of what her name was, they were all heading home today after so long, nearly two months.

There was no telling how much you were ready for the return of your fiancée. The two of you had promised to get married nine months ago, and you were already deep into planning. You were going to your dress appointment at Kleinfeld’s (your literal childhood wish) in two days. You had the venue picked, the table accessories done, the seating chart already filled out and sitting pretty in laminated sheets in a binder. The day was going to be perfect, and it was what you and Natasha deserved after so long. Especially Natasha, after every single thing that she had been through just to save the world and to help those who weren’t able to help themselves.

Natasha was your angel.

Your heart was racing in your chest as you waited for the quinjet to land, the ring feeling light on your left finger as you rolled back and forth on your feet. You couldn’t hold back a toothy grin as you waited for them to fly back in, and to hug Natasha again. That was the most important part. To have her back in your arms so that you could do things like stay in together for the weekend and stay holed up in their room just doing innocent things, like counting each other’s heartbeats.

You stood with your hands clasped in front of your body as they landed, a dopey grin on your face and the same nervous glint in your eye that was there every time that you waited for your fiancée to come back home. You knew that Natasha would always find her way back to you, but there was no telling what condition she would be in.

The moment the doors opened, Abigail ran through them, and down the ramps nearly knocking you over. You reached your arms out to steady the other girl, who looked like she was about to burst into tears at any second. As much as you wanted to just hug Natasha and go home after you ate and sleep in bed with her, you couldn’t leave a girl in tears like that without checking on her. “Woah, are you okay, sweetie?”

The girl’s bottom lip jutted out, like she was about to cry just because of you asking the question. She didn’t say anything, but she was obviously falling apart from the inside, and it made you more than mildly concerned. You didn’t like to see anyone cry, let alone a girl who had just come back from her first big mission. “I’m fine.” Her voice cracked.

“Are you sure?” You were no medic or super soldier or even assassin-spy, but you were nothing if not rational and sympathetic. You were so in tune to the poor girl that you didn’t feel the palpable awkwardness of everyone else who walked off of the quinjet, almost all of them cringing. “Do you need to talk to someone?”

“I- I’m sorry,” Abigail said, and she was running away from you faster than you had ever seen anyone run before.

You frowned as you watched her run. “I hope she’s alright, poor thing. I can’t imagine how a first mission feels,” you murmured, turning around and seeing the slightly spooked eyes of the rest of the team. You smiled at them cautiously and walked over to Natasha, arms already raised as you went to embrace her tightly. You breathed in and put your face in her neck, nearly crying tears of joy as you smelled her shampoo, a rich scent that meant the safety and comfort of them both. “I’m so glad you’re alright.”

You were so happy to hold your fiancée again that you almost didn’t notice how standoffish she was being, and her lack of enthusiasm. She had never been not enthusiastic to see you, especially after going so long without seeing each other. After too long of her not reacting to your warm embrace by kissing your hair or murmuring her usual missed you, princessa, you pulled away and looked at her, a questioning look on your face. “Are you okay, my love?”

Natasha stepped back, not looking you in the eyes and choosing to just smooth out the sleeves of her combat attire, eyes on the floor. That was very unlike her. Something must have gone terribly wrong. “I just want to get home.”

Your vibe visibly deteriorated. It was obvious that Natasha had just popped your bubble and left it as an empty shell, but you were still smiling anyway. Like you always did. “Okay, Nat. We can do that.” You reached out for Natasha’s hand and grabbed it after waving goodbye to the other team members, who all looked either extremely displeased or like they had been caught doing something very awkward.

You walked back to your part of the tower together in silence that wasn’t characteristic of the two of you. You were a known chatterbox, happy and always starting meaningful conversations, but also one of the best listeners to ever grace the earth. Natasha liked to listen, too, and she had the best words and the best voice to listen to. One of them was always talking. The silence between them was almost haunting.

Natasha went straight into the shower. She didn’t offer for you to go in with her, which was what the two of you always did after a mission. You got to see Natasha at her most vulnerable, and Natasha was finally allowed to let down the shroud of strength that only lasted for so long without being damaging. It was the thing that kept you close and often the action that got Natasha to open up about what happened and how she truly felt. Natasha skipping out on that time hurt you and made you expect the worst.

She turned the lights off the minute that she was out of the shower, not speaking to you or even offering any physical assurance, which was something that Natasha knew that you needed after she came home.

You just prayed that she would be ready to talk in the morning.

§§§

Natasha wasn’t there when you woke up. You frowned and patted the empty spot in the bed beside you even though you knew that she was probably at the gym or running around doing errands. You sighed and crawled out of bed, doing the daily routine that you usually did with Natasha, and leaving the room to go make some breakfast.

There were whispers that hissed like snakes when you came around the corner, and they came to a screeching halt when you bounced into the room. You grinned at everyone sitting or standing in the kitchen, ignoring their deer-in-headlights looks and searching for the woman you were set to get married to. You frowned a bit when there was no sign of her.

“Good morning!” You hummed out anyways, going towards the pantry once you saw that no one had made food yet. Because you were staying there and you had no other skills, you had been the one to take up personal chef for the entire team just to pull some weight, even though they insisted that you didn’t need to do a thing. As long as you “kept Nat happy”, they said.

It took a second for any of them to respond. “Good morning,” Steve said, his voice oddly clinical for the way he usual greeted you. He was the morning person of the bunch, and probably your closest friend other than Wanda.

You took the supplies out of the pantry with a thoughtful look on your face. “I’m not trying to pry,” you started softly, back still towards them as you started with the pancake mix. “But, was the mission bad?” No one spoke for a few heavy moments.

“We succeeded,” Bucky finally stated vaguely, his voice floating through the room.

You never the type to spill all of your personal business to people, but these people weren’t just anyone. These were your closest friends, the people who were going to be in the wedding, either in one bridal party or the other’s. “Nat’s not talking to me,” you sighed out, and turned around to see all of them stiff as boards. “Was it hard for her?”

No one said anything.

You pursed your lips and turned your back to them again, looking away from them to gathered your thoughts for a second. You took in a deep breath and told yourself not to pry, not to think about what Natasha would surely tell you when she was ready. You turned your head and gave them your trademark grin. “Who wants blueberries in their pancakes?”

§§§

You sat in your shared room after a full day of Natasha blatantly ignoring and avoiding you. You were patient, because that was what you had to be to date an Avenger, but Natasha had never straight up ignored you before. You learned very quickly that it called for a different type of patience than the one you were used to.

In the kitchen when she was forced to be present after you cooked a huge welcome home meal, she didn’t hug on you or kiss your cheek or even look you in the eyes. It wasn’t like her. You came to the tough conclusion that it wasn’t because of the mission, because she had never done that before, not even after the one where the children were caught in the crossfire. You were always the one that she talked to, no matter what.

The lamp light was the only light on in the room, because you knew that Natasha liked it better that way. Maybe less light would make her open up a bit, and the two of you would finally see eye to eye after the annoying stalemate that felt eternal.

You didn’t know how long Natasha would take come back and speak, but you knew that it wouldn’t be too long. Natasha liked to talk, and she had said multiple times that she liked to talk to you the most. It would be any time, right? That’s what you thought until the hours crept by, and you saw and heard no sign of anything. Not even the ding of an elevator or the shutting of a door, or her soft footsteps that she made on purpose because her natural steps were so quiet that she scared you when she appeared.

When Natasha finally came in, it was late in the night, morning time. Three in the morning, to be exact. You shook off your nerves and smiled at her, and the smile wasn’t returned as much as it should have been. “Hi,” you said, almost a little star struck by finally seeing her. It brought you back to the time you didn’t truly know her.

You had always admired Natasha. Not even because of her being Black Widow, but because she was Natasha Romanoff, an enemy spy and assassin turned good. And it brought you pure joy knowing that you would soon be taking on her last name, which you secretly thought of as your greatest achievement. Natasha was the one you wanted with for life, and you were steps closer.

You waited to hear Natasha’s voice. You waited in anticipation for her to run to you and start to spill immediately. You were waiting to wipe her tears and assure her that it wasn’t her fault, and that she couldn’t have done anything differently. “Hi.”

You frowned. Confusion flooded your senses at the short greeting. “Huh?”

“Why are you up?” Her tone sounded almost accusatory, like she had caught you doing something that you weren’t supposed to do, like you were intruding on her time. The frown on your face turned into a slight scowl, and then you reminded yourself that patience was key with Natasha.

“I’m allowed to wait up for my future wife,” you teased, but the look in your eye was serious. You could see how the red head lingered at the doorway, like she was trying to decide whether to bolt or leave with grace. You weren’t going to give her enough time to make the decision. Come sit, please.” When Natasha didn’t move an inch, your facial expression fell. “Please.”

Natasha walked over to the bed slowly, like she was being forced to move or die. You shook your head side to side, eyeing her up and down like the answer to the problem that you didn’t know yet was written on her body somewhere. “I’m here,” she said quietly, like a distant whisper.

“Are you really?” You asked quietly, and it felt like your voice echoed like the beating of drums in the nearly silent room. “Can you please tell me what’s going on?”

“Nothing happened.”

You knew that you shouldn’t pry. You both hated prying, but you were also both naturally transparent. You two had never truly had to pry with each other before. The truth was, you didn’t know how far you could push until she snapped on you. “Are you sure?”

Like someone had flipped a switch, a small smile lit up on Natasha’s face. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to sate you for a while. “Yes, princessa. I’m very sure. I’m tired.”

That was all it took. All it took was Natasha muttering the sweet nickname to you, and it was all as good as talked about. You could rest for a moment.

“Then we can go to bed, my love.” You reached out to touch Natasha’s face, loving the familiar feeling of her soft skin. “You know, you don’t ever have to be afraid to tell me anything, Nattie.”

You stared at Natasha for a while, just admiring her face and everything about it, almost missing the way that she didn’t do it back. This was something that you two did nearly every night before going to sleep- you just watched each other. A slow, dopey grin slid onto your face, and then you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her nose, then her cheek, and then to her pink lips in a soft yet passionate kiss, as soft as rose petals.

You pulled away and smiled at her with your eyes closed, nuzzling your face into her neck. You took in a deep breath, inhaling her sweet smell and feeling the comfort was over you like waves in the ocean. You could have told her a thousand things in that instant, but they all revolves around one master idea. “I love you so much, Natasha.”

You brushed a red strand of hair out of her face before reaching up to kiss her forehead, and then you were back in her neck, trying to sleep.

There was no response, just Natasha’s arm’s getting tighter around you and squeezing three times, each harder and shakier than the last. That was all it took for you to fall asleep.

When you woke up the next morning, you recalled having a dream that featured a woman crying, the sound distant yet close.

§§§

You had a feeling that Natasha was going to do the exact same thing that she did the first time, and you assumed correctly. You took it in stride this time and went to the flower store to pick out your bouquet that you would walk with, and probably throw. It was something that you wanted to do on your own, anyway. Like most brides, you didn’t want your future spouse seeing anything that you were going to be wearing until the big day. Not even the veil or the flowers that you would be carrying.

“That’s gorgeous!” You grinned at the employee, who mirrored your excited look. “That’s perfect, she’ll love it.”

While you gushed about your flowers, you also wondered if Natasha was doing a bouquet, too. You hoped that she had someone that would help her out with it, maybe Sharon or Wanda. Natasha wasn’t really big on the planning of the wedding. In fact, she wanted it much smaller than it was going to be, but you had convinced her to do it your way. Maybe it was your natural charm that helped you swindle the spy, or perhaps it was because she just secretely wanted the same thing.

As you walked away from the flower shop after placing the order, you walked by the busy donut shop that Natasha loved going to. Usually, it would be Natasha that stopped by and brought you some donuts, but maybe the other way around would be enough to make the red headed woman smile a bit. You stopped for a second and then didn’t hesitate to go in, pulling out a couple dollars for a tip, too.

Natasha loved chocolate donuts, even though she tried to resist eating them. You liked glazed better, but it was alright. You’d buy chocolate for her. You had hope that they would get Natasha to open up just a little, as dumb as it sounded. But a bribe never went wrong, and what was the harm in donuts?

“Thank you, Sarah,” you said after you got the box of donuts, walking out of the sweet smelling shop and down the street towards the tower.

When you got back, it was loud. It usually was pretty loud, with everyone and everything going on, but this was a different type of loud. It wasn’t the tinkering of metal in the lab or the sounds of sparring or elevators going up and down. It was shouting. A full on shouting match that was loud enough to be heard from floors down was happening. You nearly dropped the box of donuts as you hurriedly pressed the level that you and Natasha stayed on, hoping to find her in the room and out of the fight. The ride up the elevator was almost too full of anticipation as you waited in what would have been silence, if not for the yelling.

“No, because you can’t control yourself!” The voice was now obviously Steve’s. You were shocked. You had never heard Steve so riled up, ever. It was out of character for him to be so angry at someone, even if that particular someone fucked up royally. “You did something stupid, and now you’ll own up to it. Simple.”

“I fucking can’t!” You frowned. That was without a doubt Natasha. “I can’t, not right now. So fuck off.”

“I can’t fuck off after you’ve done something like this, Romanoff.” You winced as the elevator doors opened. Steve didn’t use Natasha’s last name anymore, not since they got close. And he certainly didn’t use the f-bomb much. “This is… it’s beyond-”

“What happened?” You shoved the donuts into Sam’s waiting hands, which were open for business when he saw you coming out of the elevator. “What’s all the yelling for?”

Everyone was staring at you like you were a ghost that wasn’t supposed to show up even though they had called on you. No one had an immediate answer, and so you put your hands on your hips. “Is everything okay?”

Tony looked at Natasha with sharp eyes and took a step back, raising his palms. “On you.”

It took a second for Natasha to say anything to you, and it was clear that everyone was waiting for something. It was even more clear that everyone was equally pissed at Natasha, for whatever reason.

“Everything is just fine, princessa.” Natasha’s voice carried over to your ears, smooth as honey, even though she wasn’t looking up into your eyes. “Don’t worry.”

You didn’t really believe it. How could you? She wasn’t talking to you, she wasn’t lying with you, she wasn’t counting your heartbeats like you did with her. There was something wrong, something had to be for Steve to be yelling like that, in front of everyone else. You eyed Natasha for a few extra seconds and then took the donuts back, muttering a thanks to Sam.

“Alright.” As if seeing the box made you remember why you went out in the first place, your trademark grin was back. “I ordered my bouquet today,” you hummed, walking up to Natasha and planting a kiss on her lips. When you pulled away, you murmured the customary I love you under your breath, like you two did every time you kissed. The one who initiated the kiss would say it first, and it would be answered by a quick “always”.

“A-always. Oh?” You realized that Natasha’s voice fluttered when she said it.

“Yeah, you can’t see which one, though.” You winked at her playfully, trying to ignore the way that the others looked mildly uncomfortable. You were used to uncomfortable looks, but never from them. You knew that it wasn’t homophobia, because they were never that way. So their behavior ran deeper than that. What the fuck happened? “My dress appointment is tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

You were too busy getting a donut from the box to see the looks that everyone else shared when you spoke again. “How’s the girl who went on the mission with you? She seemed a little upset when you guys came back.”

Natasha’s hair nearly bounced with how high she shot up, her body going straight at the mention of the other girl. She looked away from your eyes for a split second, and then back. “Fine.”

You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, eyes on Natasha. “Is she good with fashion? Maybe seeing dresses and all that would make her feel a little better.”

Natasha looked horrified as she realized what you were insinuating. “No. No, she’s fine. She doesn’t need to be invited anywhere.”

“It’s just to sit and watch me try on dresses. Wanda, Sharon, and Pepper are going, right?” You looked towards Tony to confirm, and he nodded his head firmly before looking at Natasha again, a serious look in his eyes. “Maybe Abigail can go.”

“No. She’s not going.” There was something in Natasha’s tone that sounded so final, so adamant, that you knew in your heart to just drop it. It saved you both in that moment.

That didn’t mean that you weren’t allowed to make a face of disapproval. “That’s not nice at all, Nattie. I hope you weren’t the reason she was crying. You’re known to be a little mean.”

Natasha looked away from you, taking a step back. Her eyebrow was twitching, a sign of stress that you picked up on like it was your own. “I have to go.”

“Wait, I got these for-” Natasha left in a hurry, so fast that you barely even registered that she had left. She left awkwardness in her absence. “Well, she can eat them later. Feel free to have some, guys, just save one or two for her, okay?”

They were all quiet for a few seconds, like they were in the midst of a special moment where they were all feeling the same thing, everyone in the room except for you. Finally, Wanda spoke. “Okay, Y/N.” You smiled at them, gave them all sweet hugs, and left.

§§§

You were bursting at the seams at being seen for a dress appointment at Kleinfeld’s. Wanda was with you, and so were Sharon and Pepper. They were excited for you, but no one matched your energy.

You were a girl finally getting what she had been dreaming of her whole life; to get married in a beautiful dress to the person she loved. You would soon be walking down the isle to see Natasha waiting for you, flanked by everyone else that was ever important to them.

You must have been the luckiest woman in the world.

“You’re really excited,” Sharon mused, but it was more of an observation than a statement.

“I’m so excited,” you confirmed. “I’m marrying the love of my life in what’s going to be my dream dress, I know it.” You grinned as the four of you watched people bustling around the shop. There was a bride near tears, just like on the TV episodes, and you watched fondly. Seeing people get what they wanted made you happy.

The search for the perfect dress went nothing less than perfectly. Within the first two sweeps, you managed to get into a dress that everyone thought was perfect for you, and you loved it, too. It even brought the three out of the haze that they were in, out of focus and minds so far gone that your excited squeals were all that broke them out of their thoughts.

“It’s gorgeous, Y/N.” Pepper said, her voice soft and cautious as they walked up to pay. It was silent as you waited for an attendant to come to the counter and check you out.

“I- I think there’s something you should know.” The other girls’ head whipped Pepper’s way, and she gave them a look that told them that she wasn’t going to back down from whatever she had to say.

You had what felt like a permanent grin on your face as you thought about the dress. It was a dramatic ball gown, blush pink and flowy. You were almost as in love with it as you were with Natasha, and the matching heels that you got and the gorgeous veil that matched topped it all off. You and your soon to be bridal party walked out into the crisp air, and you turned your head towards Pepper. “Sure, what is it?”

There were a few beats of silence. “Let’s go sit in the car,” Pepper insisted, and so they walked back to the car that Happy was driving for them, where he was sitting with the partition rolled down. He gave them a half assed greeting before they all piled in. “Can I start off with saying that… I’m sorry if you feel like any of us betrayed you.”

You trusted them all with your life, but that didn’t stop your heart from starting to race at the words Pepper said. Whatever this announcement was, it wasn’t good at all. “What?” When no one said anything, you laughed a little. “What, is the dress actually ugly and you didn’t say anything while we were in there? Do I need to go back?”

“No, the dress is beautiful.” The other girls nodded, and then you were sure of yourself and your taste again. “It’s just… Abigail.”

You frowned a bit, immediately thinking of the tragic scene where the girl rushed out of the quintet, breaking down by the second. “Oh, poor thing. Is she not doing as well as they say she is? I know a first big mission can be tough.”

There was a thick silence before Sharon blurted it out. “I am so, so sorry.” You leaned forward, heart skipping a few beats while Sharon took in a deep breath. You knew that some kind of blow was coming just by her apology, and you were bracing for it. “Natasha and Abigail had an affair on the mission.”

In the movies, it was like an instant shattering of the heart when news was broken like that. Immediate tears, automatic screaming and cursing and wanting to call up the other person to threaten them. There was lashing out, the breaking of glass, all the cinematic things that made actors on screen look better and less awkward when they broke down. You always thought that they were overreacting.

Now you knew that they weren’t. You felt that way on the inside. Your mind was raging like a hurricane and a tornado all at once, one disaster coming from the east and the other from the west. Your anger was the tornado, whipping around and threatening to destroy everything in your path and lash out at every single damn person in that car. But just like a tornado, you wore out and disbanded, all in your head. All that was left was the hurricane. The sadness. The disappointment. The heartbreak.

You had never even entertained the thought of how you would be after getting betrayed by her, but if you had, you probably would have imagined that the tornado would have acted first. But it didn’t. Unlike in the movies, all you did was tilt your head to the side and ask for the words to be repeated, even though you didn’t even listen for a second. You couldn’t believe it. Not Natasha. Not your Natasha. Not your angel.

“Natasha and Abigail slept with each other on multiple occasions on the mission, by word of Steve,” Sharon pointed out, her voice similar to the way a doctor sounded while delivering bad news, only a little shakier. “Abigail ran out crying because she fell in love with Natasha and knew that it would never really happen, not because she ruined the mission.”

Not only had Natasha slept with another person, but she had somehow convinced the girl that they were going to be together. Natasha didn’t have a ring, and the girl was new. There was no way she would have known that you two were together unless someone explicitly told her, and there were better things to do on a mission. It wasn’t her fault. Even if she had known, it wasn’t Abigail’s fault. Natasha Romanoff knew better. She knew a thousand times better.

“I don’t think either of them meant for it to happen,” Pepper said, immediately trying to calm you down, even though you hadn’t even spoken an angry word yet, and you looked like you weren’t even close to shouting.

The distinct sound of the partition rolling up was what brought you back to the present.

“But it did happen,” you said slowly, not even realizing that your teeth were gritted. “It happened.”

You couldn’t believe it. You didn’t want to, you wanted to believe it was a lie and calmly confront Natasha, but Steve was the one who had said it, and Steve didn’t lie. Why hadn’t he told you before?

Now that you knew what went on during the mission, you could see that everyone was acting weird. Everyone knew, there was no question about it. Which meant that everyone knew, and no one told you. They didn’t even hint toward anything, and they knew that you were supposed to be marrying the woman who went behind your back and did the unforgivable multiple times.

“We- we’re supposed to be getting married.” The pitiful sentence was all that you could string together in a thought as you looked out of the window at the traffic. You wished that the cars would just go, fly around so that you could cry by yourself. “I don’t even know what to say.” There were a million things happening in your mind at once, and trying not to cry in front of everyone was the biggest effort.

“I’m sorry,” Sharon’s voice said, and she really did sound apologetic. But it wasn’t enough in the moment. You wanted to hear Natasha say it, if all was true. But you knew it was. “We’re all sorry. We were waiting for Romanoff to own up to what she did.” Sharon said, obviously trying not to feel the wrath of you that was surely bubbling beneath the surface.

You could have been angry towards them. You knew that you felt betrayed, by everyone that knew and chose not to speak, that was a no-brainer. You could have been a lot of things at the moment, but there were bigger fish to fry. You clenched your fists and looked at the window, blinking rapidly as you grappled for composure. “Don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything.”

“I don’t think you-”

“I get it. It’s alright. I just prefer not to speak right now, ‘s all.” And conversation ended. But that was when the turmoil in your head and heart started to crank up the energy.

Your first instinct was to bust in there and look for the Black Widow herself, to yell until you lost your voice. Your first instinct was to cause a scene and embarrass her as much as Natasha did to you. You couldn’t believe she had gotten everyone to lie for her. You couldn’t believe that she had an obvious affair with a new agent. You couldn’t believe that you walked around thinking that nothing was wrong while everyone else pitied you behind your back.

Unfortunately, you were quite used to not being enough. Not enough to make it into ivy leagues, not enough to make the track team, not having enough to afford to buy all of your clothes without cringing and thinking about putting some items back. But you were never going to be used to not being enough for Natasha Romanov.

The drive back was the most awkward drive that the four of them had ever been on, without question. You had tears streaming down your face but you were still as silent as the night, just like everyone else. You hardly ever cried. You were always the ray of sunshine and rationality in the tower, and now everything positive had been blown out by the darkness that Natasha created.

When everyone got out of the car, it was sluggishly. Everyone knew what was bound to happen, but it was questionable whether or not the end of the blow out was going to result in settlement or people storming and and leaving. You already knew how it would end.

The second that the elevator landed on you and Natasha’s floor, you shakily thanked the girls for their honesty and walked right out, knowing that it was probably the last time that you would ever be going up in Stark Tower. In your angry fantasy about confronting your fiancée, you imagined storming in and shouting her name, getting her attention and then breaking her down into pieces like the words did to you in the car.

But once you were in your room, you found that the fantasies were just that, and you couldn’t say a word or do a thing but find your suitcase and pack, all the fire leaving your body the second that you saw your room.

You were halfway through gathering everything that was yours in the room that you and Natasha shared, tears streaming down steadily, when you registered that it was real. Natasha had really done the unimaginable, and there was no turning back. A small sob escaped your throat when you saw the sweater you had gotten Natasha hanging up in the closet, the same one that she wore when she got down on one knee for you. Did that mean nothing, too? Was the meaning and emotion of that and everything that led up to it blown to smithereens by something as trivial as two months?

The door flung open. “What are you doing?”

“Don’t talk to me.” You blurted, turning your head to not look at Natasha, trying to avoid her blue gaze. If you looked, you had no doubts that you would turn to stone, and that you would never find the strength to leave the woman who you loved the most and hurt you the most, all within three minutes.

Natasha looked bewildered by the suitcase on the bed. “Are you- are you leaving?”

“What the hell else am I supposed to do?” The temper that was kept just below simmering in the car was finally starting to boil over. “I can’t believe you, Natasha!”

“I-” She sputtered, and you gave her a pointed look in response. “Who told you?”

The question brought fire into your veins. She knew that you knew, because she knew that it was the one secret that had the power to make you so emotional. You two kept no secrets, and for this to be the first? That was painful.

You knew that Natasha would sense your lie about who told you and who didn’t, but you told it anyway. There was no use in causing a riff between the team because they wanted to help you. “I figured it out myself. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Natasha held her hands out in front of her body, and the gesture was so similar to the way that she used to hold her hands out in a silent ask for you to hold them. You hated the way that your heart lurched, and the way that you craved the feeling of her hands even more. “It was an accident.”

An accident? A two month escapade with another woman was an accident?

“After that long ass ride home on the quinjet, you could have at least come up with a better lie.”

“Princessa-”

“I- fuck you.” Your voice cracked in the middle of the explicative, tears falling into the suitcase pitifully. It made your raging temper even worse. “Fuck you.”

“My love-”

“I don’t understand why!” You couldn’t contain the waves of emotion you felt anymore as you slammed the top of the unfinished suitcase closed. “I give you everything I have every single day. Every day. I love you with all of my heart and I do everything I can to make you happy and you give me this? I tried so hard to make sure that we were both happy together, and we were. So, why?”

The look on Natasha’s face wasn’t unfamiliar to you. You knew it well, but it had never been used on you before. It was the look of a spy who didn’t want to say a damn word, silent resistance that you knew would be unbroken. That’s when you knew that you may never know the real reason. And it broke you. “There isn’t a reason.”

You crumbled faster than you ever had before “Natasha, we were- how could you do this to me?” You collapsed into sobs, falling onto the bed and putting your face into your hands. You didn’t know how long you cried for until you felt a hand on your shoulder, very hesitant to even attempt at being comforting. You didn’t have the energy to tell her to fuck off.

“I’m sorry,” Natasha cooed, and for a second, it felt like something was right again. Natasha being gentle was a regular occurrence, a side to the famous ex assassin that only you saw. It was your biggest safety blanket in life. But when she opened her mouth again, you were brought back to why you two were even doing this in the first place. “I didn’t mean for any of it to happen.”

You shook your head out of anger. The fact that the lie was shitty made it worse, made it hurt more. She didn’t even want to come up with a lie that would make you stay?

“Somehow you convinced that poor girl that you were going to be with her. How did you manage to do that on accident? How did you sleep with her multiple times on accident? You lead her on emotionally.”

“No.”

“Yes.” You pushed her hand off of your shoulder. “You told her some pretty little words and she fell for them as most do, right? Like I did, I guess. Just tell me the truth.”

“I didn’t-”

You remembered the way the girl was so distraught. You remembered the amount of tears that she had. You remembered the way that she avoided looking in your eyes, the way that she looked completely heart broken. Just like how you looked. You scoffed. “She told you she loved you, didn’t she?”

Natasha’s light blue eyes were boring into yours as she was silent. For the first time in a while, there was no telling of what Natasha was thinking in your mind. You were disconnected. “Yes.”

The words hurt to get out, but you had to know the answer to them. At any cost. Even at the cost of your own heart and sanity. “And you told her the same.”

There was a thick silence that spanned across multiple frantic heartbeats. “Yes.”

The next words were automatic. “I’m done.” You opened the suitcase again. The tears were coming harder than ever, warping your voice so much that your not Natasha hardly recognized it. “Done.”

“You can’t just-”

“Yes, I can!” You whipped around, eyes nailing Natasha right in her place. “Unless you can give me a good reason for what the hell you did, I’m done.”

Excruciating silence. It struck like lightning on the last tree in a struck down forest.

You turned on your heel, but then, words bubbled up in your throat, and you couldn’t shove them down. “When you miss me after you’re done, don’t come back to me.” Your voice cracked in the middle, but you kept pushing. “When you stop and think about what we could have been, do not come and find me. Because you’ll figure it out one day, and it’ll get through that thick skull.”

Natasha’s eyes were slightly watery as she looked on, taking a few steps forward with on outstretched arm, looking to latch on to you. “Love, please.”

You scoffed and ran out of the door, with nothing but a suitcase and a bag in your hands. You cried all the way to the elevator, ignoring the fact that Wanda and Vision’s room was right there across the hall, and how they without a doubt heard everything. Hell, everyone had heard everything. The argument weren’t exactly quiet.

You cried even harder when the doors of the elevator closed. Your hands shook as you brought them up to your face, remembering far too late that Tony Stark sometimes watched the tapes, especially elevator ones. You couldn’t even bring yourself to care. You turned into yourself and sobbed as your body and head shook, trying to rid herself of everything that happened. You cried more when you realized that you hadn’t meant a word of what you said to Natasha.

Deep down, through all of the emotions, you wanted her to seek you out when she learned her lesson. You didn’t know why, and you knew that you didn’t want it any time soon, but you knew that you wanted it.

It was supposed to be a magical day. The day you got the dress was the day it all became real, the day that solidified the fact that you would be getting married to the woman that you loved. You were heart broken. The familiar sound of the elevator stopping and the doors opening barely snapped you out of your well deserved pity party.

You only took one look at the new arrival, and that was when it was decided that the universe, was indeed, very unkind.

Abigail stood there like a deer in head lights, swallowing and looking with wide eyes, certainly unsure about whether or not she should just leave or apologize and hop in and pretend like she didn’t know what was going on. She looked like she expected confrontation.

Your wobbly smile shocked her. “You don’t have to be scared. Come in.” Your voice was just as shaky as the smile you offered, stepping to the side a bit and giving the other woman enough room.

You felt bad. Abigail was young, even younger than you. There was no way that she knew. No one really resisted the charms of Natasha Romanoff, anyway, and you knew it. Especially not a wide eyed newbie who was desperate to please on her first mission with the big guys, some of the original Avengers. There was no doubt that she felt terrible based on the way that she didn’t look you in the eye, and how she avoided everyone. There was only one person in the wrong, and it wasn’t this poor girl.

The doors dinged as they reached the bottom, and right before they opened, you smiled at her. “It’s okay,” your voice was a strong whisper. “It’s not your fault.” You gave her one look as you wheeled your suitcase out of the elevator, taking long strides to reach the huge front door of the tower, praying for no more interruptions.

“Y/N!”

You didn’t want to stop at all. You knew who’s commanding voice it was, and stopping to talk didn’t seem like an option. You preferred not to talk to anyone on the team, especially not one of the people who went on the mission. You wiped your cheeks and turned around anyway. “Yes?”

Steve stood before you, a sincere expression on his face as he looked you up and down, your obvious and inevitable departure making him wince. “I’m sorry.”

There was nothing that you could really say to him. He wasn’t the point of your anger and he was a friend, even if he had kept something from you. “You’re not the one who did it.”

“I could have told you.”

“No, she should have, a long time before someone else did. You didn’t do anything wrong.” The story of infidelity that happened was Natasha’s story to tell. While you still felt a little more than bitter about being an idiot in the dark about the whole thing, you would have preferred to hear it from her, one hundred percent. “I’m just pissed I found out after buying the perfect dress and veil and all of it. I was so ready.” You felt like a fool.

“I don’t know why she-”

“I don’t know why, either.” You admitted, shaking your head slowly. “But one day, maybe I’ll figure it out.”

“You’re leaving.” Steve saw it as a closed chapter now that you were storming out. Anyone would, but you knew better. You knew how Natasha worked, you knew how you worked, but most importantly, you knew how you two worked together. “You and Natasha- you and Nat are special. I’ve never seen anything like what you two have in my life, no one has. That’s why we’re all so mad. She ruined the one relationship that everyone obviously knows is true love, for no reason.”

“I know.”

He looked guilty for even saying the words. “You’re not going to try and work it out?”

“Don’t you think that I know what we have is special?” You asked him, new tears welling up in your eyes as you spoke. “I’m leaving this to her because I trust her with it. I don’t forgive her, and maybe I never will, but this is for her to decide.”

“What makes you think that she’ll decide right? Or what she’ll even decide at all?”

“She’ll come back.” You stated with certainty, and these were the first words that hadn’t had a crack or wobble in them since you started talking to the red head. “She’ll miss me and she’ll be over the thrill of whatever happened on the mission, and she’ll find me, wherever I decide to go. She’ll come back to me, just like I would come back to her. It could take weeks or years, but she will. That’s how we work.”

Steve was momentarily stunned, but after a few short moments, you knew that you had convinced him. “And you’re willing to wait for her? However long it takes?”

You lifted your lips at him, even more tears building up in your eyes as your answer flew up to your lips without even thinking. “She’ll come and find out.”

You walked away with heavy steps, already feeling her lingering on your skin, and the haunting memories of the two of you as happy as could be swirling around in your head.

You were well aware that removing Natasha from your life would hurt. But you never could have anticipated how much it would hurt.

Natasha was the safety net you never knew you needed. She was the one person on earth who made you feel truly wanted, needed even. She knew everything that you required to feel loved and you knew her just the same, and you both did those things. And that’s what made you two different.

You had been cheated on before. That was how Natasha had met you, actually. Your last boyfriend had cheated on you like the dirty dog he was with nearly every woman he was cute enough to be with for a night, and Natasha met you while you were getting hammered at a bar because you found out. Natasha met you at your lowest point and raised you up with all her might, and still had energy to love you. You felt useless and discarded, thrown under the bed and tossed to the side of the road, but she found you and made you something new. She made you her favorite.

Natasha was everywhere.

She was in the way that you made your coffee, because you hated it before you met her, and she introduced you to a kind that you liked. You got as addicted to it as you were to her.

She was in the way that you walked around the park at night instead of in the morning like you did before you met her, because she liked looking at the stars together.

She was in the way that you searched for her next to you in your sleep and when you first woke up. She was in the ring you still had. She was in the way you wrote your letter ‘n’ now, because you wrote her notes for years and always made the ‘n’ fancy just for her. It stuck. She was somehow related to every show and every movie and every brand of ice cream, and from the second week of suffering without her, you knew that she would linger on you like a faded tattoo.

During the third week, you swore that you could smell her perfume, though it made no sense. You had done laundry many times, and all of a sudden the smell popped up, like she was dropping in to spray the perfume and then leaving as soon as she came. The rich smell was something that you would never forget, and it hung around like thick smoke in your mind. You wanted it to leave.

You cursed her name all throughout the fourth week of being alone in your small apartment in Brooklyn. Everything was her fault. The washer broke, Natasha somehow did it. If you woke up with makeup still on your face from the past night, Natasha was at fault.

You went shopping during the sixth week, and you swore you saw flashes of her red hair in the grocery line, pitifully walking faster with your cart to both flee and go towards it. A part of you knew that she would never shop this far out, but you couldn’t help it. You missed her. You missed her a lot.

But that didn’t change that it stung so, so badly.

It was disgustingly close to what the wedding date would have been when you were lying in bed with a stray cat that you had managed to nurse back to health and call your own about two weeks prior. In a way, it was freeing. Natasha hated animals. They were a responsibility in her mind, nothing more. You loved the cat quickly, and named him Henry.

There were three sharp knocks on the door that you would have taken for strokes of thunder if they weren’t so close. You frowned and stood up, walking to the window to peak outside and see that there was a thunderstorm rolling through, the wind higher than usual and the rain coming down sideways.

You walked to the door with the small cat trailing behind you like a loyal companion. You cracked a smile when he meowed, and you looked through the peep hole, the bright porch light shocking your eye for a second, and then you saw.

Natasha Romanoff was standing there, soaking wet with her arms hanging at her sides, trembling from the cold.

You took two steps back that startled Henry, causing him to meow louder this time. You breathed in, trying to be quiet, but you knew that she knew you were there. She was so trained that you knew she heard you approaching, and when you took your steps away from the door. You both knew each other were there.

You had indirectly told her to seek you out when she was ready, and here she was.

Were you ready?

Like you were a child trying to eavesdrop, you held your breath as you leaned into the door, putting your ear on it as you struggled to hear something, anything, from her. She wasn’t talking. You looked up into the peephole again, and she was looking at her feet, waiting for something to happen. She knew that you were deciding.

You had spent time looking for her in places you knew she would never be, running to and from things that looked like or reminded you of her, and now the real thing stood in your porch light in the rain. She came back to you.

She came back, but that didn’t erase everything that happened. Not at all. Her two months of fun and new experiences acted as the eraser, painting over everything that they had ever done in black paint. The joy of dancing with her under street lights and kissing in Tony’s limos and her hand under your sweatshirt didn’t amount to the pain it felt when she ripped herself from you.

But why did it hurt so much if they weren’t the same amount of emotion, if not more? If you looked at it with a rational mind, was the joy not worth more than the pain?

The pain weighed like bricks. There was one big brick that weighed half a ton on one scale, nearly tipping the other side.

But the joy? It weighed like clouds, because that’s what joy was. It was the feeling of being above the clouds. And you found that every moment of joy that you had Natasha, even though it was the weight of clouds, still outweighed the fat brick.

But were all of the cloud moments enough to possibly take another brick?

Your hand moved before you knew it, and you were undoing the chain and unlocking the door, yanking it open roughly and staring her down.

She was shocked. Her eyes were wide as she stared at you without any barriers, automatic tears welling up. Had she come all that way to not even know whether or not you would answer? Hell, you had done all of that while in limbo with yourself.

But now, without even knowing how Natasha truly felt, without even hearing one word from her mouth, you knew something changed.

“I knew you’d come back.”

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #marvel fanfiction #fem reader #lgbtq #natasha x reader #natasha x you #marvel imagines #my fics

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