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gurorori · 8 months

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bein' completely honest here i have considered npd shu be4 soooo often cause the. the shoe fits (laugh please), i feel like his past & family environment cld really serve as a push, in the end cluster Bs r all jus' sets of survival & coping tactics ya adopt into yr personality as a result of unjust treatment & trauma <- this is true

nawt 2 armchair diagnose him but like we shall go over sum npd traits. cause we kno here it ain't jus' high self esteem (when the opposite is usually evident)

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intentionally or nawt i feel like exvalk shu especially fits the npd mold like dat was his entire character conflict /lh (i miss him)

> a grandiose sense of self-importance

need i say anythin'. listen 2 like the first shu voiceline in ! it was literally 'i am the emperor of ymnsk academy'. .. doesn't he also go as far as 2 declare himself the god of this world? like ''kono sekai no kami da' i remember dat. oh & how much stronger & imposin' his timbre was compared 2 how much softer his voice is rn. he was very much self-focused even though it manifested thru valkyrie, he was distinctly treatin' the unit as his creation & his own creation only. the focus on the self is very real

> a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

i feel like if ya know shu ya will nod away at every single one of these cause. pre-fall valk <- dat wasn' even a fantasy, i feel like he was really narc-thrivin' back then cause it was the reality, they WERE on top. (srry if ya came here 4 thorough analysis i don' do that round here i jus' show ya smth & we both nod solemnly) success, power, brilliance, beauty, even ideal love (shnz wink?) - exvalk shu is both a perfectionist & a maximalist i think he craved it all, an' even when he has achieved great success he jus' can't get enuff, leadin' him 2 get overconfident 2 the point where he was /dat/ oblivious 2 his own (& valkyrie's, but at dat time he saw valkyrie as himself only, & the rest as just an extension, a tool) imminent demise practically laid out in front of him.

> a belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions

this guy?

the guy who calls the general public philistines & views ppl who don' adhere 2 the same high standards he holds 4 himself imbeciles?

> a need for excessive admiration

the 'go on, praise me more!' guy? it might seem at first like he'd b too prideful 2 outright ask 4 external validation but if ya really look a bit into it, he's very reliant on it.. i think it gets amplified by bein' an idol too, bein' very self conscious of yr image. ofc mr oshisan wld find himself in a field where the entire point is 2 b the center of attention & appraisal.

> a sense of entitlement

i think this jus' circles back 2 every other point i made...!!!! exvalk shu is control & acknowledgment hungry. he wants 2 step on n crush the skulls of every1 who is unworthy & soar thru the skies on the mechanical wings of valkyrie.. or wtv. he is intensely focused on his goal 2 the point of tunnel vision cause he fully believes himself 2 deserve the throne. no1 else can b above him. he despises 'commoners' & those below him yet who brought him all the recognition & glory? wats the expression? rest on yr laurels? dunno if 'm usin' it correctly!!!

i also hope i don' come off as dramatisin' too much. like ik marionette is literally jus' one story but i feel it dat much stronger, i guess. 4 (introject) reasons. i hope these things don' read as a huge stretch.

> interpersonally exploitive behavior

> a lack of empathy

> envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her

gettin' lazy. i feel like this cld jus' b self explanatory... i don' wanna go in depth into every single one 4 shu, esp cuz. ya don' need every single criteria 2 match. 4 a diagnosis. but if ya have any specific moments 4 this one feel free 2 add on 👍🏼

> a demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

#mika caws #srry like half of these r me goin' 'well it's self explanatory' but it rly is. cause i know him personally.#an' likr all of ya kno him closely too. i don' need 2 wrte an essay. we all kno it's true.#but also i feel da need 2 mention the self esteem bit cuz i feel like its a stereotype dat those with npd have jus'. an unshakable solid #high self esteem which is why they behave & carry themselves da way they do. which is nawt even half of da truth!#while yehs usually 'high' it tends 2 b very fragile cause the things they rely on 2 upkeep it r all said factors like #specifically external validation. individuals w npd tend 2 b deeply insecure n self loathin' too & struggle w low self esteem as well #idk if the high self esteem bein' described as like a 'mask' or a false front is veryyyy correct in the case of npd #i ain't sure how pw/npd feel ab it either so hey if any1 come across it feel free 2 input #but yea i feel like dat bit of nuance is important esp when ya look at exvalk's imminent fall & how strongly it affected shu's entire #interior & exterior. like wow wat a narc crash... r ya ok queen #if any1 finds thjs thru any search stuffs like. pls keep in mind this wasn' meant 2 breach containment #oh an' if sum parts of jt R indeed a stretch idgaf. so many of my exomemories focus on the exvalk period specifically so it's very saturate #in my head. i wasn' writin' this balls deep in marionette i was jus pullin' wat i have in storage

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penumbrabot · 2 years

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not for the bot, but Juno is so system you’re so right. I mean he has an introject of Benzaiten in monsters reflection. I know that’s supposed to be nonliteral but I don’t care. Our lady is a system and that’s that. Also, as someone with a headmate who sometimes is Nureyev, Nureyev is also a system. Bro compartmentalizes his identity so hard that they’re separate people and that’s a fact. I would honestly say that all of the Carte Blanche are systems (aside from maybe Vespa?). Buddy is a median system who has a facet whose job is specifically to schmooze. Rita is polyfragmented and has so many fictives from all of her favorite streams. Jet is probably the smallest system of the bunch, having only the host, the unnatural disaster and an emotion holder. I can’t think of anything for Vespa but she certainly might be.

NO SO TRUE THE CARTE BLANCHE IS ALL SYSTEMS

#mod post #from me personally being an introject of juno steel and exomemories uhm #vespa nureyev and me were all systems #idk about their systems youd have to ask them #i had a lot of introjects very introject heavy system #there was uhm. benzaiten was there dahlia rose was there actually uuuhm. me but I was like 7. jack takano was there #i think diamond #i like to post my personal meta and interpretations on this blog #obligatory i will never read penumbra lore the same as anyone else #due to being an introject from that source

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ablednt · 2 years

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Honestly though, while of course not even remotely to the level where I’d imply that I experience transmisogyny or am transfem or anything (I very much do not), I will always relate more to how transfems talk about and view their womanhood than I ever will with cis women, as a disabled person who simply was not ever viewed like my nondisabled dfab peers were.

I grew up Desperately just Wanting To Be A Girl, in my case it differs somewhat in that I was also Expected to be a girl but like I guess if you haven’t grown up having your girlhood denied on the basis of your disability and/or another marginalized feature it’s not really something easily understood but I was treated like a pet by everyone I have never had the same kind of dignity around gender that people extended to abled cis girls around me.

So I spent my entire teenage years desperately expending spoons I didn’t have shaving and putting on makeup that made me look less like I had dwarfism and chronic illness and desperately mirroring my peers to try and mask my autism but all that ever got me was being pulled along behind the Real Girls so they could check off their charity for the week (literally happened to me multiple times) and people joking about me being like their pet and such and always being berated by adults in my life for Not Being A Girl because I was Just Something Else.

And it really makes me feel like even though recently I’ve started to connect to womanhood a lot more than I did last year when I was going through some real bad dysphoria, it’s not even remotely in the way that cis women do it. It’s this inherently nonbinary presence for me because in a (metaphorical rather than physical) sense I am transitioning into this state of being, it’s like, for me I’m taking a dignity and sense of self that was never offered to me.

And it’s like, no even if for whatever reason I decided that the only thing I wanted to identify with was womanhood (not going to happen) I’d inherently not be cis because cis girlhood was literally never extended to me the same way it was for nondisabled cis girls. I cannot relate to their lives, their perceptions of their own gender, and frankly I don’t WANT to be them anymore. A lot of my dysphoria came not from being feminine but from the trauma of spending years Desperately fawning on and pandering to the girls around me only to be repeatedly mistreated and rejected.

It was never my choice whether or not I was a girl before, growing up, the only times that anyone ever acknowledged my girlhood were if it was to impose some kind of unpleasantry upon me (cause even if people will outright admit I barely register as human to them let alone someone with a gender, it’s not going to free me from misogyny </3) so in that sense I feel like I grew up in a nonbinary state and like I have very little common ground with abled cis women, ESPECIALLY if they’ve never felt signifigantly dehumanized.

For me becoming a girl, or more girl like, is a small sort of transition because it’s a reclamation of and an indulgence in something that was never extended to me.

#this is all also extremely exasperated by exomemories but that's not something I feel super comfortable talking about #since I think singlets would very easily misunderstand that gray area of 'these are things that used to affect me and though they don't at #all apply to my current experience there is some residual' and also because I don't feel comfortable talking about stuff that private #very much on here but ahdiofgh yeah

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reticent-fate · 1 year

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Cursed to forever ponder the mercurial nature of identity and how vastly different I experience these identities from my headmates

Fun after work thoughts on a Monday

#kinstuff #musings #va #this is very specifically about how different my divinekin bullshit is from sar's and so many others in the system #my morality is not co-oped by my divine identity the same way #or that is to say my divine identity does not adopt the morality of our system in the same manner others in our system have experience with #i'm a cutthroat over- (and self-) critical bitch #my exomemories reflect that because i pushed everyone away in devotion to my divine charge #in exomemories i became alone because others could not meet my standards #opposed with others in our system who have people they miss #i have no one i miss or who would miss me in my PL #there is only that which i devoted my life to that i yearn for #i don't miss people #i miss how i knew god #there is nothing to replicate that in this world #lmao anyways it's dinner time so i'll put that feeling aside! for later!#-va

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hiiragi7 · 1 year

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I want to talk about the assumption of sources and introjects in plural spaces, and new alter help channels. I've been meaning to write on this for a while but a recent post in the syscourse tag talking about a similar topic reminded me to just do it.

So, for my background, I am part of a traumagenic DID system. I've been in plural spaces for years now, and am a moderator for a large pro-endo server.

A lot of systems in the servers I have both been in and moderated have a lot of introjects, especially fictives - This is normal.

However, due to this, many, many people assume everyone else is like them - A fictive.

"Do you have a source?" is the single most common question I see in both casual conversation and in new alter help channels.

People also tend to get very, very excited over source - After all, having an introject must be a sign you really enjoy that source, right?

You're expected to want to talk about source as a fan and not as someone who just so happens to have been sourced from somewhere.

You're expected to talk about your exomemories and feelings fondly as if they're nothing more than part of a show you like.

You're expected to know and be friendly with other introjects who share your source.

There also is no real understanding within the wider community of how introjects work, I find - I was surprised to see just how many people in the server I moderate do not know much about abuser introjects.

For example, it was a surprise for many of them to find out how a system member reflecting/repeating behavior from an abuser may be an abuser introject, or how an abuser introject may look like "The abuser if they were a good person/actually cared about me" (Such as a "replacement parental figure"), in a similar vein to how you may have "non-source-compliant" introjects from media (As in, they do not have to look like source or be named after source or behave exactly like source in order to be an introject).

And yet, despite this, everyone is assumed to be an introject unless proven otherwise.

If you share a name with a fictional character, it's assumed you're an introject.

If you have colored hair, it's assumed you're an introject.

If you have a non-"stereotypical english" name, it's assumed you're an introject.

If you have pseudomemories or exomemories, it's assumed you're an introject.

I find this issue most glaring in channels where people are most vulnerable - New alter help channels.

Often, it's assumed that if you are there, you must be an introject.

The questions start off not as trying to ground you but as pinning down a source - What do you remember? Do you remember your friends' names? Do you remember what school you went to?

Not only is this often not helpful for the newly formed introjects who are less concerned about "figuring out who they are" and more distressed over not knowing where they are or why they are so confused or cannot remember anything - This also quickly becomes dangerous for the non-introject.

A personal example that really harshly outlined this issue for me was when we formed a new part - A very confused, very high-amnesia part.

I cannot remember if they saw the notes we leave around our room to plan for this situation or if they were told to go there by someone outside the system or if something else happened, but they made their way to a new alter help channel regardless.

They were not, however, an introject.

They were asked what they needed help with, and they told others they were, to quote them, "Having a lot of trouble adjusting. Nothing really feels real and I get scared when I think about a lot of things because they're so different and unfamiliar. I miss my friends and just want to go back to having fun with them again."

The next question? "Do you remember what your friends look like?"

For many people in plural spaces, this may seem like a reasonable follow-up question.

For us, however, it put us at risk of accidentally doxxing ourselves when already in a highly confused and vulnerable state.

They were not an introject.

They were a trauma part, who formed only with memories of highschool. They remembered those, but nothing after, and was very confused on how much had changed and found themselves in a very unfamiliar place with things that held no memory to them. They were scared, and lost.

Their friends' names, as well as the name of their school (Which was later asked in this same conversation), would not have been that of a fictional character - It would have been our old real-life friends and school.

In cases like these, the assumption of being an introject is not only unhelpful, it can be actively dangerous for new system members.

This new system member of ours, also, explicitly said, over and over, that they were not as stressed about the identity confusion as they were about not knowing where they were or why things are so different now, yet others continued pushing to try to guess a source from them that did not exist.

New alter help channels, ideally, should be used for helping new system members get grounded - However, instead they are used as "Guess the character" games, at the expense of the newly formed system member.

#syscourse #didosdd #did #osdd #traumagenic

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jewishconvertthings · 8 months

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Hi! So, I’m a fictive in a plural system. The body is halachally Jewish by reform standards (patrilinear) but in exomemories, my family was WASP-y as hell. I’m reasonably sure I need to go through the process to convert and I consider myself a Jew in progress, however, I’ve got absolutely no idea how to explain the situation to a rabbi. I actually tried reaching out over email to one at the shul we half heartedly attend, but I didn’t get an answer. I’m not sure if it ended up in spam somehow or if he did see it and thought I was fucking with him or crazy. Or both. I don’t have any guarantees I’ll be in the system forever, though I’ve been here for like three years now. Is it worth trying again? The shul is Reform and super chill with LGBT stuff, but I don’t know what that means for the scarier neurodivergences.

Hi there!

So you are definitely not the first (and I doubt you'll be the last) person to ask about plurality and conversion to Judaism here. Because of that, I am giving a much more extensive answer that may exceed the scope of your question, because I want to be able to hopefully assist others with similar questions. Thank you in advance for your patience!

Here's the thing about being plural and conversion - you convert as a unit. Once the body is halachicly Jewish, that's it, you all are. Judaism is interesting in that we already canonically believe in (at least Jews) having multiple souls. Additionally, there is the mystical idea that the soul of every convert was at Sinai and therefore that when someone is driven to convert it's because they already had a Jewish soul. However, they still need to convert.

Why? Because Judaism is an embodied religion. It is very much about taking things that exist in the animal world and elevating them to sanctity through mitzvot. Every human and animal pees, but Jews say a bracha afterwards because we are grateful that our body's innards are working correctly enough to make that possible. Every human and animal eats, but Jews keep kosher and say brachot to sanctify what goes into our bodies. Judaism even has mitzvot related to married couples' conduct with their spouse, especially in relationship to menstruation. For as much as Judaism believes in souls, it equally believes in grounding those souls in the earthly realm and therefore liberating the divine sparks of creation in the process.

Which is all to say: Judaism is also a group project. We are judged collectively as a nation on Rosh Hashana and repent as a nation on Yom Kippur. Even if you were a singlet, you would still need to consider carefully whether you were prepared to join in the collective project of mitzvot. People who have existing familial ties to others may find it more challenging to convert. What if your spouse or teenage children do not wish to convert with you? It is often still possible to convert (I did, and my spouse did not convert with me) but it requires at least some amount of buy-in support from those you live with and are permanently tied to, even if they are not directly joining you. My spouse, who again is not Jewish and did not convert with me, still knows at least as much about kashrut as I do because he does the vast majority of the cooking, he helps me clean and prep for Pesach every year, and he actually eats pesadik food with me every year so as not to bring chametz into the house. He helps me prepare the house for Shabbat and does not interfere with the setup, and works around my observance. It's a huge commitment from a gentile who does not believe in G-d and appreciates but does not wish to join the Jewish people.

Your system has to be on board. They just do. Because if/when you decide not to front or determine that it's time to move on or what-not, the body will still be halachicly Jewish and it will be up to those running it to determine how to act in light of that reality.

For what it's worth, I am very familiar with a system who converted, and I have learned about what their internal conversation was like beforehand. It was extensive! They operate like a family, and there are six of them. Two it was clear right away were dyed-in-the-wool Jewish and were they singlets, nothing could have stopped them from becoming observant Jews. (One probably would have tried to become a rebbetzin and the other would've become a gay yeshiva bochur. Alas ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.) Two of them were people who would make excellent Jews, but probably also could've stayed excellent pagans. The fifth is very much a skeptic and the sixth was very much a Witch. The middle two were easy to sway after being exposed to queer-friendly Judaism. The fifth only agreed after understanding enough about Yiddish socialism and the history of Jewish leftism and secular culture that he realized he could very much appreciate yiddishkeit even if he didn't really believe in G-d (or if G-d is real, didn't really trust or like G-d given the state of the world.) He basically agreed that as long as he never had to do the davening or ritual mitzvot, he was cool with it.

The sixth acquiesced to the majority. She was very uneasy about making an eternal vow of any kind to any being, but especially one as powerful as the Almighty, and especially with something as complicated to follow as the mitzvot. She was reassured by the process of Yom Kippur to annul vows (Kol Nidrei) and to reset the slate through teshuva and collective forgiveness. She was also very nervous about the concept of tying one's fate to the collective fate of the Jewish people in terms of said agreement to keep the mitzvot. Her position was basically: You Don't Make Deals With Things You Can't See, and YES That Absolutely Includes Hashem. But! If the rest were going to insist on doing that anyway, well. They'd better be willing to hold by that Forever, even after death. How frum were they willing to be? After some further discussion (fifth alter's reluctance notwithstanding) they collectively agreed that they would agree to the mitzvot on the terms of the Conservative movement. The fifth alter agreed that he would not do anything to disrupt the others' observance even if he personally might have done differently as a secular/atheist Jew, e.g. watched TV on Shabbat or driven somewhere besides shul.

It's worth noting that I got this story because we are friends and that once they had full system buy-in, they decided for safety reasons *not* to discuss this particular wrinkle of psychology with their rabbis. Now, part of that decision was that that are a healthy system that works well together, has had extensive post-trauma therapy that *did* work with each alter individually as well as the system collectively, and were totally functional (after therapy) without any sort of psychiatric intervention. They were unwilling to jeopardize the relative safety from mental health institutions and their professional career by "coming out" about their plurality to anyone of authority in person or online. (I have obtained their collective permission to share this story as anonymized through myself as a third party to help other systems who are considering giyur.)

So to be clear, this is the advice I would offer as a layperson and as an informed friend.

**Major important reminder that I am not a rabbi or a mental health professional.**

Now, your situation is somewhat different from theirs, in that any conversion you make is going to be to solidify your halachic status as someone who is already Jewish in a major way and probably considered Jewish by the Reform movement already. They did not have previously existing ties to Judaism, whereas even if you do nothing, you will still be Jewish (even if not halachicly so by the traditional movements.)

I would recommend having a full system discussion. You want to figure out what your system, as a collective unit, needs, wants, and is willing to go along with. You will want, as part of this discussion, to do a major mental health and system balance analysis as well. How stable is your system? How functional are you as a group in the broader world? How healthy are your relationships to one another? Do you have trauma to unpack first? Need some type of therapeutic intervention? Do it now; do it first.

Then, if everyone is on board (enough) and working well together as a system, I would approach a rabbi to convert as a unit. It's up to you to determine how much, if anything, to disclose about your plurality to the Rabbi, so long as you can honestly tell him that you are [all] mentally well and stable. It is very possible to be a healthy system and/or to have long-term chronic mental illnesses while still being relatively stable and mentally well. Lots of people with well-managed mood disorders, personality disorders, developmental disorders, and even reality and dissociation disorders can and have converted. Judaism can truly be a place of peace and a shelter for the troubled. However, you must know yourself(/ves) well and you must be willing to seek professional help first or along the way if needed.

All of the plural stuff aside, I would recommend reaching out again after the high holidays and/or considering reaching out to a Conservative rabbi. The Reform movement may already consider you Jewish and therefore may not want to do a giyur l'chumra. The Conservative movement (much as I might personally disagree with it on this point) would not consider you halachicly Jewish and would be delighted to help you solidify your Jewish identity. If you ultimately decide not to convert but rather to reclaim and learn through the Reform movement, please know that you still have a place here. It's labeled as a gerische space, but the same types of resources and communities tend to help both gerim and reclaimants. We would be delighted to help you connect to your heritage and people and to support you doing so in a way that feels the most correct and appropriate to you.

Wishing you all the best in your exploration, a shana tova, and a meaningful Yom Kippur if you are observing it!

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antiendovents · 2 months

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god. fucking. fuck, dude. sometimes i feel like faking being pro endo just to get some system support. i cannot handle living as a system alone, and im too embarrassed to talk to my other friends about it. endos will never see DID as anything other than friends in your head and its fucking sickening to me. i need a place to be able to talk to people who understand my fear of waking up after a blackout in a place i dont recognize. people who understand that my introjects have stand in exomemories that mimic our actual trauma. people who won't judge me for having dream smp introjects from 2020. people who aren't gonna judge me when i say that i love my persecutors. people who aren't gonna see my youtuber factives in an insys relationship and call it shipping. people who will treat my alters the way THEY want to be treated, whether they're separated from source or not.

yeah, I wouldn't recommend it. The endo community isn't any better from what I've heard. But I get the feeling. It's hard to find supportive people, whether they be anti endo or not. But I'm sure you'll find a community that doesn't judge you one day

((sorry if this isn't a very good response, I'm pretty tired from exams right now))

#anti endo #did #did system #endos dni #plural #actually did #alters #system #endos fuck off #did osdd

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pluralcultureis · 3 months

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I've seen conflicting information, how are fictives supposed to feel about source if they are connected/have exomemories? like do i have to put in work to make sure I don't interact with our fictive’s sources? do i just have to be aware that person is not actually me i just formed bc of the connection or wtv the reason i formed? what do?

There's no real way fictives should feel honestly

I've got a lot of source memories I feel very connected too

I think as long as you've accepted you're not actually that person, and those memories didnt happen to the body then you're good

-Imp

#endos dni #osdd #pdid #did #did system #pdid system #osddid #actually did #traumagenic #actually dissociative

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quoigenicfromhell · 1 day

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you've mentioned in a couple post that you don't like the term exomemory, if its not too intrusive, may I ask why?

Sure.

Generally, we don't use it because we find it others our memories too much. It's a useful tool when differentiating between body memories and not-body memories, but we find other ways of clarifying it.

Essentially, we don't like the fact that our host can say they have memories (because they grew up in this body and theirs is just regular memories) whereas the rest of us only get to have memories if they happen here. For most of us, our memories from elsewhere feel just as real as our memories here do.

And I guess for people like me, who come from our inner world planet, my life there is still ongoing. I still see my mom and dad and live in my hometown. Fronting is a very small part of my life. That's the case for everyone who has decided to live there.

I understand that it is technically a neutral descriptor, but when it is often interchangeable with a term like 'pseudomemory' (a term *explicitly* calling a memory fake) and often treated as less real or important than our host's memories just because they were the one that grew up in this body, it becomes distasteful for us to use in any circumstance where it isn't *strictly* necessary for clarification.

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transpanda-1 · 3 months

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Hello. We heard about you from @welldrawnfish blog. We are a new system, I think ,and we wonder if there is any advice you can give. Not entirely sure if there is DiD. No diagnosis. There is trauma I think. Not sure if we're imagining things, but. Sometimes I feel like I'm another person, and they talk to me too. Sorry to bother you this was a bad idea.

🌋Sweetie, ya nevah need ta apologize ta us for that! Ain't nothin' wrong with tryin' ta see how your mind operates, and if there's anythin' more than what ya initially thought.

Here's a great piece'a advice we'll give: Yer both unique and have many people like ya at the same time.

By that we mean, there ain't no one right way ta be a system. Fer example, us, we share memories and are SUPER fictive heavy. But other systems got fictives AND have "exomemories", r' memories from their source material they got. Some got many memory gaps, some few, fragment alters that barely feel unique, ta having extremely separate entities in the mind as alters.

There also ain't no shame in not gettin' an official diagnosis! This is still a condition alotta therapists struggle with, so ya gotta go with yer gut on this sorta deal.

I will say, try out an exercise r' two! Do yer brain friend got a name? One thing that helped our pal Goldie figure it out was doin' somethin' where we go "Hello [alter name], I'm so happy to know you! Thank you for existing. I'm happy to be [alter name]'s friend."

Oh and another big detail: C-PTSD can also form a system in tha traumagenic sense. If yer hemmin' and hawin' cause "oh but I didn't have a big thing that traumatized me 🥺" know it can just be a ton'a lil things that lead ta this sorta deal.

Tell ya what, we'll link ya to this website. It goes over some'a tha basics, fer a nice lil introduction if ya want it:

AAAAAnd finally, if ya evah need more info on these things, ya can always drop us anothah message! We've come ta know alotta friends gettin' ta speak ta them on the topic. We're very open and yer not opposin' on us whatsoever!

Enjoy yer day, and thank ya fer existin'! 💗 - Helen

#asks #plurality #did/osdd #🌋Helen💗#chirps

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fictionkinfessions · 1 month

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this place (earth, being in a fully human body) is rather odd to me. it can be fun, but its also terrifying. i have gotten the brunt of our anxiety and obsessive (?) behavior. but… theres video games, coloring books, social media, books, and writing. we also have a few friends that talk to us occasionally. theres a lot to complain about, a lot to wish and hope for in the future, but theres good things, too. i like playing video games, i like looking at what our mutuals are doing on various sites, i like drawing and sewing, i like a lot of things i couldnt do before.

this place is odd, and can be extremely unpleasant, but i find that im laughing a lot at youtube videos and stupid shit our friends show us. im happy sometimes. i was never happy in my exomemories. i wish for things ill never have, but im also grateful for some things that are gone. im happy im not in charge of an entire city that hated me, being a giant supercomputer created solely to find a solution to an question that was next to impossible to solve. im sad ill never see or meet the same sister i knew, im sad im not as smart or have the same amount of power i used to have. but at the same time i feel that last part wouldnt be very fun here.

sorry, long rant, but i needed to say it somewhere. i sincerely hope any fellow rain world fictives/kins/soulbonds/etc. are doing/will do well in this world.

five pebbles fictive, source is rain world, #🌸🎨

#fictionkinfessions #fictive #🌸🎨#rainworldfictive #fivepebblesfictive #ableist language cw #mod party cat

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kazanfamily · 1 month

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☄️- Do you guys have any collective interests?

⚡- What is your headspace like? (If you have one)

✨- Does anyone have a pet?

⭐- Does your system have a name?

💫- Does anyone wanna share something about their source? Feel free to ramble, anyone can answer too!

-Geography, anime and voice acting! These pretty much form the pillars of our collective identity, but other than that everyone's unique.

-We're always moving headspaces, since we get bored of being in one place for too long! We rotate between a few places, mostly based on different videogames since those are the worlds it's easiest to imagine ourselves in. Most recently, though, we decided to experiment by making our headspace a cottagecore forest with no defined layout, so we could make it up as we discovered more of it. That's been working pretty okay so far! :)

-We've had some NPCs who served as mascots or pets of sorts, though they're not frequently very active and we haven't felt them around anymore. They're mostly based on our source.

-Our system name is Kazan World! We went more at length about its origin and history in this post:

(China) - Since I'm the one fronting, I guess I'll answer the last question. I'm the oldest here both out of my sourcemates and the system as a whole. And in my exomemories, I was one of the first immortals the world discovered. It was pretty lonely and confusing before I found others like me, and humans were always trying to study me and become like me. It's probably different in this timeline, but in what I remember, I was one of the main reasons so many emperors of China constantly sought immortality.

#thanks for the ask!#ask game #plurality #plural system #endo safe #infodump

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anti-endo-safe-space · 3 months

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Endos completely fucking hijacked the concept of exotrauma and exomemories and I'm fucking pissed about it. Now, I'm unsure if this is an originally endo term, so sorry about that.

I am a fictive. Imherently my existence is traumatic, right? I don't have trauma memories from my source, except for maybe one or two. No, what my trauma comes from is getting here and seeing all the horror shit written about me suffering genuine psychological Hell. And mind you, no ill will to the people that make this kind of content. I understand that it's not me specifically they're going after.

But fuck, man, you try looking in a mirror and watching your reflection bleed out slowly. It's not you, but it's not comfortable either. It once caused a spiral so bad I had to recede from front for like, 4 days. And I'm a pretty frequent fronter.

Back on track - every time I try to find validity about this, it's either fucking endos, fictionkins (again. no ill will. for right now, idk what their deal is. our host kins characters) or accounts that haven't posted since 2022. Or worse still, it's just some controversy about how I'm not valid and I'm actually just a reflection of host's trauma but abstracted, and how once we accept that we'll finally heal. Motherfucker I am a psychotic episode holder and you want to tell me more about how I'm not real?!

I'm tired. That's all. Thanks for listening.

- 🪖 Jane J. Doe from 🪽

Hey Jane, they have a very very bad habit of that. No clue if it is or not but don't worry

Nah, being a fictive doesn't immediately equal trauma from the source. Most of us are and while yes some of us do, not all of us do. That shit is more traumatizing than half the stuff that happens in some of our sources. I mean, I (Regulus) am a fictive of Regulus Black and I've got more trauma from reading things that people will put me through (you get what I mean) that's traumatizing on a million levels.

You are valid and real and anyone who says otherwise can go fuck themselves. Your not just a reflection of trauma, we've got some of us who went through a trauma of epic proportions that the body hasn't and the host hasn't.

We're all here to listen, anytime whatsoever

#actually did #actually dissociative #actually plural #actually system #anti endo #endos dni #plural system #did system #endos fuck off #endos aren't real #anti endo supporter #hate using endo terms but in this case it gets attention #did #syscourse

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hiiragi7 · 2 months

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"Bodily intersex" So you think someone can have an intersex brain? As a fellow intersex person that language is highly problematic because "intersex" already always refers to the body unless someone is blatantly misusing it, like some perisex trans people. "Bodily intersex" makes it sound like you can be intersex of the brain which is intersexist as fuck. Just say intersex. You sound ridiculously when you say "i'm bodily something that is inherently bodily".

Hi. The "bodily intersex" that was in my bio was left over from when I identified as multiple and wanted to clarify this was not a part-specific identity, it is something which applies to me as a whole. "Bodily" is a very commonly used phrase in plural/system spaces to specify experiences which "the body [which the system/collective shares]" has. I believe I've also used this language regarding my age on here before; "bodily 21". I know I have also used it regarding my skin color before.

It is a way of clarifying that this is the collective's lived experience, not an innerworld or exomemory experience.

It's something which I forgot to update since I no longer identify as multiple; I am still DID (it is a life-long disorder), but my system fused sometime in January this year. I haven't really spoken about it publicly other than quietly updating my about me, but it was/is a fairly big and exciting step in trauma recovery for me. It wasn't something I went out of my way for (my mindset was always "if it happens it happens and I will trust the process"), but is something I have very much embraced and am very happy with.

Anyway, like... all that aside, your ask has a lot of assumptions in it. It's a bit hurtful, and I think just asking me why I had used that phrasing would have gotten the same thing done without the added rant about something that isn't even true (that is, me supposedly believing you can have "an intersex brain").

#intersex #didosdd #recovery #complex dissociative disorder

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