#vent kind of i guess
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(crawling out of a burning building all bloodied carrie style) at least it's javid thursday tomorrow
#terrible. absolutely horrible day#vent kind of i guess#you ever have a meltdown in jim class. so embarrassing
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in the state of Bored where i feel all the atoms in my body vibrating and i can feel my skin on my skull
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please don’t be sad little sprout, you are loved 🌱 🖤
🌱
#🌱Thank you<33🌱#I guess my latest vent art post made some of you guys worried. I'm sorry ;;n;; )#but I'm alright. well.. kind of? Like I haven't done anything to myself kind of alright?#maybe I should explain bit about my situation but at the same time I don't feel comfortable to open up too much#but simply said it's about doing art as a job and mental health#Things haven't been going well but I am getting help for my mental health#This is all what I will say for now about my situation#I apologize again that I made you guys worried#but I do warn that I might post more vent art if I get enough energy to draw#this is just one way how I deal with my emotions#but if you don't like vent art I suggest to block the words vent and vent art#I remember tumblr has this option somewhere??#and uhh.. I don't really know how to end this post but thank you everyone who has been sending support<33#I might not know how to reply to them but I have read them all and I'm very thankful for all the support what you guys have given me🌱#Thank you🌱#ask#anon#me talking
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I've never understood the excitement around marriage. I've never understood the 'rush' around the idea of a relationship. I've never understood the heartbreak or annoyance people feel when they're alone for valentine's day, or when their partner doesn't give them a gift for it. I've never understood why someone would like kissing with their tongues or on the lips. I've never understood why naked bodies are sexual. I've never understood why I should feel my world shatter when someone rejects me. I've never understood why I should be expected to 'just give the relationship a try' when someone confesses to me. I've never understood why friends will demean someone by implying they just 'aren't good enough' because their friend got rejected by that person, no matter how gentle or respectful the rejection was.
I've never understood why sex and romance need to be brought up and hyper focused on in every conversation imaginable.
I'll probably never understand.
#aromantic#aro#asexual#ace#aroace#acearo#there's nothing wrong with people who enjoy romance or sex by the way#this is kind of just a vent post#i guess?#im sort of just confused about romance snd sex so thats what this is about#to be clear i dont want to experience either#im not at all ashamed to be aroace
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#im so sad it was such a good ask blog too but my mood has been so severely impacted by it i literally could not handle it anymore#big surprise your favorite character being put through constant and severe turmoil is emotionally damaging. who wouldve guessed#it makes me sad people are so fucking mean too :^(#<- in relation to some of the asks folks send in to guide stories along#like sure cute aggression yeah whatever but some of yall are straight up cruel for no reason. ill never understand it#i really wish i had the heart to keep following this blog bc its such a huge and beautiful passion project... but im sensitive:^(#even if its fictional#sorry to the mutual i had to break </3 wahhhh#late night personal posting. goodnight#laika originals#oh should i tag this as uhhh#vent#? kind of not really im just talking here
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realizing pomni feels infantilized and joked at by the game since it made her room too big and filled it with toddler toys and the fact her avatar is a jester is not the level of relatability I was expecting from this character
shes 25, she probably has a job and some mental issues to deal with irl, considering how anxious she is, at the same time we can tell she doesnt enjoy being pushed around and not being taken seriously by anyone (except maybe ragatha)
that dichotomy of "im not a baby, please take me seriously" and "Im a failure, someone please help me, im overwhelmed" is like... literally me
#kind of a joke but at the same time not really#pomni#analysis#tadc#anxiety#infantilization#the amazing digital circus#character analisys#vent#I guess#relatable
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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I’ve been out as a lesbian for ages, like since I was 11 kind of ages. But lately I’ve been starting to feel really lonely concerning my sexuality. I’ve always felt pretty isolated due to the fact I am a lesbian but for some reason things have started feeling worse as of lately. Which is weird, because I have more lesbian friends than before (even if it is only four compared to swathes of other people), I follow people on here who post really relatable stuff that speaks to me about shit I thought maybe I was only thinking. I feel more connected with my lesbianism than ever before because it’s always been a constant in who I am and the community I am apart of?
Maybe it’s the fact that over the last year or two I’ve only really been able to actually like… Realise that people just don’t like lesbians. Like, realise realise. Like seeing the shit that people just say on the internet and how barely anybody bats a fucking eyelid at it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been exposed to homophobia and more specifically lesbiphobia for as long as I’ve been out, the majority of which has been in person and in some caused caused me real, physical harm. Like that shit has destroyed me as a person. Fuck, growing up in Christian schools and being out was not kind to me. It’s made me angry. But just watching people just say shit, a lot of these people being from the lgbtq+ community itself, comfortably saying the most abhorrent and disgusting shit about specifically lesbians has drained me in a way which I can’t put into words.
Like we lesbians really only have ourselves to rely on, huh? Maybe that’s not exactly the truth in the grand scheme of things but it really does feel that way for me.
#vent kind of thing#vent#yeah I don’t know what else to say#I just thought I’d put this here because it’s been circling my mind#and I’ve been trying to figure out a way to say it in a more structured way but I just like…#can’t#I can’t#so have this I guess#lesbian#wlw#lgbtq#lgbt#sapphic#lesbians#lesbian textpost#nblw#lgbtqia
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I wish I could be like you.
I can't escape my past mistakes.
#rain world spoilers#five pebbles#rain world#egg art#something a little different i guess.#i had a specific kind of feeling i was attempting to convey with the first one especially.#hopefully it got through#i suppose the angst had to come eventually#maybe perhaps a little bit of a vent
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Sometimes I feel bad about not being motivated to write, but then I remember I had three exams this week, spent four hours doing job training modules on proper lab animal handling, and am two weeks out from finals. If I've learned anything from those 29 goddamn modules, it's that animals under stress try to conserve energy, and writing takes a lot of energy. My stupid brain doesn't want to do words because it's making space to watch for imaginary wolves
#kind of a vent i guess?#i dont have any writer buddies irl so I'm just talking to myself here really#gotta hype that girl up#writing#writerscommunity#writblr
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hey genuine question, i know a lot of us in our youth were told we were gifted, but has anyone been called borderline gifted?
where you're juuust on the cusp on being gifted but didn't quite make it??
#im asking this because i have that seared into my brain cuz i was called that#didnt help that i was tested too early but yea#and i guess this is half a vent post#cuz of it i feel like ill never be good enough at anything i make or do#cuz i feel like im useless since im not drawing anything atm cuz of my wrist#like in school i always almost had passing/ better passing grades but it was never enough#like i get a C on a test but it was 1 point away from being a B kind of thing#sorry for the half vent i think school traumatized me lol
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The audacity of existence.
How dare you be concieved. To be blessed with the touch of angels, you golden haired goddess. How dare you force your reflection upon mine. The audacity to mirror me.
YOU.
I hate you. You are my purgatory, and hell resides within your dastardly light. You are the anthesis to my existance, my purpose, my life. Tormet me by image alone.
Do you know how much you have pained me? How much the mere sight of you, has distorted me? Ruined me? Hurt me? Questions your existance has plauged in my mind?
Look at you, my loathsome copy. You are nothing like me.
So then why?
Why does the universe kiss you gently upon a flushed cheek then heckle and spit on mine? Why are you the beloved golden duckling whilst i remain the unwanted black swan?
Why is it me who must rid myself of my body, blood, and mind. Discarding me of myself to end you? I have done nothing short of effort. I have given myself all to destroying you, to riding the world of you. Yet they love you. They do not love me.
We resemble eachother more than anyone else ever will. It is cruel a fate, to be devoted entirely to destroying a twisted reflection of myself. Burdened by both our images, drowning me in hatred made for both us. Yet you remain free, whilsy i remain prisioner.
It feels, as i seek to destroy you, i destroy myself. So i do. Over and over again. Yet you remain unscathed, bright and beautiful. Whilst i remain broken, left to rot in the mud. Helpless. Afraid. Alone.
Thinking.
What must i do? Who must i be to be kissed by the same light that dared to birth you?
Must i purge myself of all things to simply taste a fraction of it? How will i outshine you? Must I transform my body till there is nothing of me left, just to feel your light crushed beneath mine? Must i erase myself completly? Must i become you? Must i be you? Must i place my hands against your neck? My lifeless material crushing your ugly flesh to finally hear the last of your breath. Must i feel everyones glare peirce through my unending spine, wishing nothing but breaking every metal bone instead of me?
Must i take their love and desire and rip it from their broken hearts, forcing them to kneel before me and drag your dead light upon me? Must i become king of all things, living, dead and unalive, before i get a fraction, a mere TASTE of your life?
Is that what the world desires of me?
Is THAT what it takes?
my loathsome copy. Your existance is what destroys me. You are everything without me but i am nothing without you. Yet i am made to end you. To destroy the only thing, the only purpose i have in life.
You all look down upon me. Even my creator, cant seem to look at me without seeing you. Forever i am compared to you. Forever i think of only you. Forever i am destroyed by you. Forever i am devoted to destroying you. Forever i am afriad. Forever i am chained, cursed to this wretched body, reflecting you.
YOU.
I hate you. I loathe you.
....
What a cruel existance to be born, you and I.
I hope when i choke you death, you'll burn me alive.
#metal sonic#sonic the hedgehog#a mixture of venting#its a vent that works i guess#wrote this in a state of what i can only describe as mania#a mix of my own obession mixed with its#i do not know if i love him or if i want to be him or if i want to kill him.#i do not know what love is#i only know what hatred is#but have experinced kindness#i do not want it but i am told i must have it#i want to die and i want to drag them all down with me#i want to live and i want to kill everyone around me#i relate to this character- metal sonic. or atleast whateber iteration i have concoted from him.#i think i am just as obessed with him as it with sonic.#desire is a fickle thing y'know?#metal sonic is full of desires. i am willing to extract all of it. its the only way i can express myself. through fictiomal characters#its like i am nothing without it. much how it is nothing without sonic#who am i even i dont know anymore#i think im going insane#no no... i have been for a long time. im only just started to realize it now.#dont worry about me. this is a vent. not even a character analysis. take it as you will.
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I will never understand people who are cruel to homeless people. I have been sitting on the floor ugly crying and puking because the homeless man who always sleeps on a bench near my house passed away and I genuinely dont know what to do with myself. I wish all anti homeless infrastructure and billionares a very kill yourself.
#suicide tw#death tw#i have never seen his face because he was always sleepinf#but i always put a like 50 Lira bill on the bench every time i walked past#im actually so so so upset sick and twisted#im just kind of venting i guess#did we as a country not have the resources to provide homeless people any shade at all#did he have so sleep on a bench in 45 degree c weather#and no one bothered to help him
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ROUND THREE EVERYBODY, give it up for ROUND THREE!
#nnstuff#nnart#art#original art#original comic#vent#i guess its a vent but i kind of like it on its own#comic#it feels weird being so sincere but im trying to stop the irony poisoning from killing me#vent art
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I have this overwhelming fear that all of my mutals secretly don’t like me and find me annoying.
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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed
#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant#its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things#we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an#me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could#feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly#accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore#what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back#with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used#to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting#for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our#bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70#yapping#vent
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