#until they outlaw advertising at work
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advertising is fucking insane btw did you know there’s an app that lets you rent out space on your home screen on your phone for ads and they pay you a little money for it. god that’s so evil
#like i am actually#actually so angry about this#like no one would do that except people who have. No money#and to offer them scraps of money#you’re gonna#you’re gonna take up space on their personal device#and show them things they can’t afford#if technology were more personal. on your person in your brain#they would do that#rent ad space on your skin#you and your cashier both blinking with ads for a service neither of you can afford#until they outlaw advertising at work#god#it’s 4 am i gotta go to bed
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one day not too far in the future, i hope, people who work in advertising will be viewed like pirates once were, as enemies of the whole of mankind. except advertisers are worse. at least pirates confined themselves to the sea, raiding merchant shipping and the spoils being sent back to europe from the new world. advertisers insinuate themselves in every corner of human life an existence, seeking to sap your time and attention and thought fifteen seconds at a time.
in seeking to grab your attention, they are brash and annoying, and thus prey on taste; in seeking to interrupt and co-opt your thoughts, they prey on the fabric of a peaceful and contemplative life. in their inability to understand the human condition, except as it pertains to commerce and the commercialization of all things, they are a cultural rot which destroys uniqueness, identity, difference, and delight. if they had their way they would commandeer every screen, every surface, every moment of quiet in existence, until the world was nothing but a gore of color and noise, to be sold in the vain hope some good somewhere might see a fraction of a percent increase in sales.
no, compared to the ad man, a buccaneer is an honorable figure--at least he has a degree of martial virtue, a certain vitality of body and spirit, and charming irreverence for conventional behavior. and he will not try to convince you of the utility of his profession, or try to cast it in benign terms. he needs no such excuses; he will simply kill you and move on. neither he, nor the arsonist, the highwayman, the bank robber, or the plunderer of graves have all together done one tenth the harm to civilization that madison avenue has. the sooner we realize this, the better.
we are not powerless before these barbaric hordes. jurisdictions all over the world have already begun to outlaw outdoor advertising, as a blight on the landscape. why stop there? ban indoor advertising, too. ban it in newspapers and on television. ban it from the internet. ban it from the radio. send an international force of marines to london and new york to arrest each and every one of those bastards. try them before the courts of the hague. spare no pity for them; they have spared none for you.
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A writer’s guide to forests: traveling through the woods
Getting from point A to point B is something that both people in real life and the characters of your story will have to figure out. Whether as a means to get to a plot point, or as a part of the plot itself, travel presents opportunities for the writer.
Hack ‘n slash- Where paths are nonexistent, your characters will literally have to blaze a trail (the ‘blaze’ in this case has nothing to do with fire. Instead it is a trail marker made by carving a mark into a tree. The mark resembles the white patch seen on the forehead of mammals, most often horses.) Being the pioneer is slow going, especially if the undergrowth is thick and requires clearing. Cut bamboo can go through the foot, poison oak and poison ivy can give a nasty rash, and biting insects can make life miserable. And then there is the matter of marking the trail. A character on the run will not want to advertise their location and will do their best to keep their trail hidden. But for others, they will want to mark the trail. Stone cairns, arrows, blaze marks in trees, and even sticks and knotted grass can point out the path to other travelers. This can be helpful to others, but it can also present a danger. Thieves and outlaws can create false trails that lead travelers into a trap or ambush.
Game trails- Animals have their habits. They like to take the same path between places. Over time these develop into trails that crisscross the forest floor. For a character on the run, or those who needs to make haste, these are a tempting choice to follow. But be careful. Some animals are able to traverse terrain too difficult for humans (narrow ledges, near vertical faces, and the gaps underneath fallen trees are not fun places to be). And your characters may encounter more than deer or rabbits. Predator species hang out around game trails as they can be fruitful hunting grounds.
Existing paths and roads- Roads can range from simple dirt paths to paved highways. These will be the most direct routes between the principle settlements in your story. Prosperous areas will have well maintained roads with travelers and patrols using them frequently. Characters may also encounter watchtowers, farms, and inns along the way. Poorer regions, those affected by war, or more remote regions will have less well maintained roads, fewer travelers, and few to no amenities between towns. And if your characters can use the roads, expect hostile armies, outlaws, and highwaymen to use them as well. And where the roads go may be limited to the most populated regions, forcing your characters to leave the path if they want to get to isolated villages, caves, temples, or even a wizard’s tower.
Use the water- Of course, you can have your characters forgo land transportation and use the rivers, lakes, and seas. Rafts, ferry boats, and ocean going ships are all viable options. It should be noted that these are not perfect solutions. Rapids and waterfalls will force characters back onto land until they find gentler waters. Storms can delay or sink vessels, and cold winters will freeze water over. Of course, a frozen river or lake is just an excuse to get out the ice skates. Droughts will dry up streams and small lakes, and recent rains can turn placid waters into unsurvivable whitewater.
Up in the trees- Hate to burst your bubble here, but swinging from vines is something that only exists in fiction. If you try to do this in real life, it will not work out well…provided you can even find sufficient vines or fig roots. Of course, in your story, you are free to do what you want. Nothing is going to stop you…well except maybe for your readers and the critics who will pan you for using what may be considered an overused and unoriginal trope. Other options include bridges, cable cars, or even zip lines.
Taking flight- Of course, the forest will not pose an obstacle if your characters can simply fly. This can be achieved by characters that possess wings of some sort. They could have a winged mount, or they could hitch a ride on a vehicle like a helicopter or ultralight plane.
Underground- If in doubt, take a cue from moles and dwarves. Tunnels can serve the same function as roads, with all the benefits and drawbacks included. Of course your characters will also have to be aware that cave-ins are a real and present danger. These can be natural, or deliberate sabotage. And your characters best hope all the recent tunneling hasn’t awaken any ancient evils from long ago…
#writing#creative writing#writing inspiration#writing guide#writing prompts#writer#writers#writing community#writer on tumblr#writers and poets#writeblr
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@midians-world @dirhwangdaseul
Missing pronouns and double-entendres
Historians have traced the roots of country music at least to the 17th century, but the “big bang” moment for the industry didn’t happen until the 1920s.
In 1927, record producer Ralph Peer traveled from New York City to Bristol, Tennessee to hold recording sessions with “hillbilly” artists from the surrounding areas. The Bristol Sessions, as they came to be known, introduced the world to artists like Jimmie Rodgers and The Carter Family, foundational figures in what we now call country music.
That same year, in New York, an artist named Ewen Hail recorded “Lavender Cowboy,” a story-song about a boyish figure “with only two hairs on his chest” who takes on a group of outlaws and dies a hero’s death. Adapted from a 1923 poem by pulp writer Harold Hersey, “Lavender Cowboy” appeared in the 1930 film Oklahoma Cyclone and has since been covered many times, most notably by Vernon Dalhart in 1939.
A couple years later, the Prairie Ramblers recorded “I Love My Fruit,” a Western swing-style novelty song so ripe with double-entendres that the group recorded it using a pseudonym. Attributed to the Sweet Violet Boys, “I Love My Fruit” is gloriously homoerotic, with lyrics that extol the virtues of (among other things) chewing on banana skin.
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The 1960s saw the emergence of Wilma Burgess, a mainstream star who wasn’t able to be out but also never hid her identity. A protege of prolific producer Owen Bradley — who saw her as a potential successor to Patsy Cline — Burgess insisted on recording songs where the love interest was not referred to by gendered pronouns. When she did occasionally record songs addressed to male lovers, she did so under the agreement with Bradley that her next recording would be a song of her choice. Her songs “Baby” and “Misty Blue” both cracked the top 10, and she still holds the record for the most charted singles by a gay country artist.'
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Burgess left the country music industry in the late 70s, but she remained active in Nashville’s queer scene, opening one of the city’s first lesbian bars in the early 80s.
Queer country music’s “lost pioneer”
No queer country history would be complete without the story of Patrick Haggerty, the man responsible for what’s widely considered the first openly gay country album, Lavender Country.
Haggerty grew up on a dairy farm in rural Washington, the sixth of ten children born to hard-working parents. Despite growing up in the repressive climate of the 50s, Haggerty has said his father was accepting of his sexuality, which was evident from a young age.
After getting kicked out of the Peace Corps for being gay in 1966, Haggerty decided to devote his life to activism, becoming involved with the Gay Liberation Front. His anger over the injustices of the era became the basis for Lavender Country, the 1973 album that would define his legacy.
The album, which Haggerty recorded with his band of the same name, is scathing and often funny, featuring would-be classics like “Back in the Closet Again” and “Cryin’ These C**ksucking Tears” delivered in a loose, folky style.
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With the support of the Gay Community Services of Seattle, 1000 copies of Lavender Country were created, advertised in gay periodicals, and sold at gay bookstores. Despite the limited number of copies, the album attracted a fair amount of attention in the gay underground. “Lavender Country” played at Seattle Pride and other gay events in the region.
The band disbanded in 1976, and Haggerty thought his music career was behind him. A self-described “screaming Marxist b***h,” he became further involved in activist circles, later co-founding the Seattle chapter of ACT UP and running for Seattle City Council and the state House of Representatives as an independent.
the article goes into more, like Lang's Shadowland
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Half day of work this morning. Then Sheila and I went to get our taxes done. Normally I never wait until the last minute. I’m more of an early March tax filer. But the woman who does our returns had a pretty full schedule this year.
On the way home we stopped at a bar and grill we’d never been to before. The place was full of regulars. As we walked in a guy, who looked like he’d enjoy a good knife fight with some motorcycle outlaws, came out for a smoke. He nearly bumped into Sheila, who I’m sure has never been in knife fight. The guy beamed a huge smile and sincerely apologized. Can’t judge that book by its cover.
The waitress was busy, but oh man, she did a great job.There were one or two unopened bottles of beer on her tray as she made the rounds. That (a) saved her from going back to the bar for some common orders and (b) was excellent suggestive advertising.
Server: “Would you like another Mich Light?”
Customer: [silently] Mmm, it’s right there in front of me. Oooh, look at that light layer of condensation on the cold bottle. My oh my, I am getting thirsty again. “Heck yes, I’ll have another!”
I would have ordered a Utepils Happy Dog Lager just for the name and also because it’s locally brewed. But I didn’t feel like beer for lunch so I ordered a boring Diet Coke. Coke and Pepsi should come up with some beer-style fun names.
A bar burger, served in a plastic basket lined with checkerboard pattern wax paper, is always a treat. This one didn’t disappoint. When I first saw the modest stack of fries I thought the cook had been a bit stingy.
Then I remembered I always get too full when I eat all (or nearly all!) of the fries (clean plate club forever) most restaurants pile onto plates with sandwiches. Today’s serving of fries was actually perfect, leaving me perfectly satiated.
I still went home and took a nap.
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On August 27th 1784 James Tytler undertook the first balloon ascent in Britain. The flight took place at Carlton Hill in Edinburgh, becoming Scotland’s first aeronaut!
James Tytler was born in 1745, son of the minister at Fearn in Angus, and after a good education at the parish school, and two or three years as a surgeon’s apprentice in Forfar, he made his way to Edinburgh to study medicine at the University. The following summer, 1765, he took service aboard the Royal Bounty, a Leith whaler, as ship’s surgeon. Then came the first of many misfortunes during his life – he got married. The marriage was hasty and he now had to earn enough to support his wife, making the continuance of his studies impossible. He set up business in Leith as a pharmacist. Business was poor, eventually forcing him to flee to England, out of the reach of his creditors.
He returned to Edinburgh, now with five children as well, and set about making a living from what seemed to be his greatest skill - writing. He was a very prolific writer and editor, although the vast majority of his work went anonymously, being employed in the main by other writers and publishers. He is renowned to have had an amazing skill at editing, being able to précis an item as quickly as most people could read it.
After some attempts at his own publications, a spell in the debtors’ sanctuary at Holyrood, and his wife leaving him, he eventually found steady employment in editing the second edition of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, much underpaid at sixteen shillings a week. He spent the next six or seven years at this monumental work while living at Duddingston, using an upturned tub as a writing desk. The Encyclopaedia filled over 9,000 pages and it was during his researches for one of the appendices, covering Air Balloons and their development in the past year, that his interest was sparked.
He set about constructing his Grand Edinburgh Fire Balloon with very little money and probably even less public support. He charged 6d to see a model, and eventually had his balloon ready for a public inflation, though not for a flight. At the time Edinburgh had a building nicknamed “the largest pigeon-house in Europe” - the partly built Register House at the East End of Princes Street. This made an excellent venue for Tytler to test his 40 foot tall balloon, the unfinished dome providing shelter and support.
James Tytler then advertised the public ascent, to be held at Comely Garden (a pleasure garden, now the site of Milton Street, Waverley Park, and the Elsie Inglis Hospital) on 6 August 1784. Needless to say, James had his normal luck - bad luck - all his attempts being dogged by either technical problems or the weather. The press attacked him, and the mob attacked his balloon. Discouraged but not beaten, he was ready again towards the end of the month.
On Wednesday 25 August he inflated the balloon at an early hour in the morning, left the fire burning for another hour, stepped into his basket, and was released. The Grand Edinburgh Fire Balloon rose from the ground, tethered. According to the Edinburgh Evening Courant “the balloon, together with the projector himself, and basket in which he sat, were fairly floated”. Two days later he had even greater success, “navigating the atmosphere” for about half a mile to Restalrig, and on the 31st he made another ascent. Thus were made the first flights from British soil, predating both Lunardi and Sadler. Tytler was famous. A hero. Until another attempt failed and the ignorant press again criticised him.
James Tytler’s life after his ballooning successes was no less interesting, with another stay in the Holyrood sanctuary, further writing and publishing, divorce proceedings, another wife and more children, and eventually an indictment for seditious libel which led to his being outlawed. His last few years were spent in Salem, Massachusetts ., where he died in 1804.
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Two Word Fic Titles Masterlist
part two
Against London (ao3) - ordanary
Summary: ‘Against London weren’t some super small indie pop punk band who had the leisure of making real connections with their fans anymore. Things were changing fast, and Dan would have to learn to adapt quickly if he wanted to keep up.’
Air Hockey (ao3) - philsmeatylegss
Summary: Christmas fic where neko!dan, who has a horrific past, faces his greatest challenge yet: meeting his fiancé’s family…
Back Alley (ao3) - whoops_ima_dannie
Summary: dan fails at being a hooker
Bubblegum Bitch (ao3) - TheUKAmazingDan
Summary: Phil decides that he rather likes Dan with gum in his mouth.
Cinnamon Lips (ao3) - aby55al (abyssa1)
Summary: Phil likes wearing pink and strawberry lip-gloss. Dan wears all black and chews cinnamon gum.
Come Over (ao3) - Phanosaur
Summary: A story about the time when Dan was in uni and they decided to move in together. Dan has some issues. Phil is Phil. Angst, smut, fluff, it's all there!
Company Policy (ao3) - watergator
Summary: Dan works in a bakery-by-day, gay club-by-night bar. Phil owns said bar. Things happen.
Damn Howell - chocolatesaucelester
Summary: Parties and hookups were never really Phil’s thing, but when he gets the opportunity to spend the night in the popular Dan Howell’s bed, he can’t really complain.
Dream Lover (ao3) - howellesterfics
Summary: Dan moves into his new dorm and he and Phil try out the new bed
Faking It (ao3) - pinkfrostedsprinkleddoughnuts
Summary: Dan has been faking orgasms for months, until a bartender called Phil Lester shows him just how good sex can be.
False Hope - placingglaciers
Summary: In which Dan is determined to find a wanted outlaw to bring back honor to his father’s business; Phil, a wanted outlaw, steals from Dan’s father’s business to pay off a debt; the mess of revenge that comes along with it; and why each side of the story matters. (Taken place in 1860 America, if you don’t mind.)
Fool’s Gold - demonphannie
Summary: Fashion designer, or rather fashion student, Dan Howell has just moved to NYC and meets Phil Lester, an aspiring advertising major. Success seems like an easy task but will Dan’s ambition and trips to the other side of the world interrupt his life too much?
Fortune Cookies - oqua12
Summary: Dan goes with Phil to celebrate Father’s Day with the Lesters, and suddenly all his complicated feelings about his own parents come bubbling to the surface. Basically 11k words of Dan being angsty and the Lesters being wonderful.
Keep Breathing - cocktailaunt
Summary: Phil has social anxiety.
Kentucky Roads (ao3) - howellesterfics
Summary: It’s 3 am and Dan is unreasonably turned on. Featuring some light sexting.
Loving Livy (ao3) - dannihowell
Summary: "You fell asleep on the aeroplane and I keep making funny faces at your kid to keep them amused and the steward mistaken us as a couple and for some reason you keep flirting with me now but I don’t really mind."
New Demons - bontanistlester
Summary: Punk!Phil is forced to go to a church youth group where he meets Pastel!Dan.
Sibling Rivalry (ao3) - dannihowell
Summary: The Howell twins both fancy their new neighbor, Phil.
Stag Do (ao3) - geniusphilester (gorgeousnerd)
Summary: Dan gets more than he bargained for when he and Phil go to Las Vegas for a mutual stag do.
Strawberry Shortcake - doomedhowell
Summary: Dan works at a bakery with his friend Louise, where a punk boy comes in every day and orders Strawberry Shortcake.
The Isle (ao3) - waveydnp
Summary: Phil lives alone in a house on a hill. It’s easier to hide himself away than face people looking at him like he’s a freak.
One day he makes the mistake of tripping into a stranger’s arms and he’s forced on a journey of confronting the idea that maybe he deserves - and wants - to be seen.
#phanfictioncatalogue#phan#phanfic#phanfiction#masterlists#fictitles masterlist#fictitles#twowordtitle#twowordtitle masterlist
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Unexpected Treasures Part 1 of 3
Luthen Rael scoured the galaxy for rare items and artifacts for his planned antiquities shop on Coruscant. Both searching and the shop were covers for his Rebel activities. Regardless, the items in his shop had to be genuine. The hardest items to procure were force artifacts. He was lucky to purchase a Jedi holocron from the Jedi Temple ruins on Coruscant in a silent auction.
Having one lone holocron wasn’t enough. His shop needed a Sith holocron. The problem was finding one. He tried three times already with supposed Dark art sellers, which all turned out to be fakes. Luthen had almost given up on it until Rishi. He wasn’t even looking for it at the time.
Rishi had been off and on a pirate outlaw haven for thousands of years. The place was an ideal location for smuggling. The Rebellion could use more and better arms, so he drank with an arm dealer slash spice dealer at a local cantina. Again, he used a cover story to protect his secret agenda. The Empire punished spice dealers, but they executed Rebel weapons deals.
The guy seemed to be on the level, though too relaxed. He constantly got distracted and flirted with the waitress. There was a lot to be distracted by in the cantina with the loud music, revelry, and advertisements. One small dull poster caught Luthen’s attention.
“’Smuggling and tracking,’” he read off and pointed. “They’re not even trying to get customers.”
The arms dealer stopped his flirting and shooed the waitress away. His voice became low and grim. “That’s because they work on referrals only. They don’t give out their name.”
Secretive groups tended to be deadly and occasionally very skilled at their trade. Luthen sipped his ale. “Are they any good at tracking?”
“According to the rumors, they can find anything or anyone. However, they’re very picky about their clients. Don’t get on their bad side.”
“How long have they been in business for?”
The dealer leaned back in his chair. “Hundreds of years or longer if you believe the rumors.”
“Do you believe the rumors?”
“They’ve worked with Mandalorians and scared the Hutts, so yeah, I believe them.”
It was still a long-shot. “Could they procure rare Dark Side artifacts?”
“Don’t know, but probably.”
“Where are they located?”
“Not far, on Trader’s Causeway building 505.”
“You piqued my interest. I might give them a look.” Luthen figured it was nearby and on his way back.
“Just remember to be polite. These guys aren’t afraid to mess with Hutts.”
Luthen chugged the last of his drink and left. He went to pop his head into the shop for a quick glimpse.
Building 505 was a clothing shop with high quality silks and polished leathers for surprisingly low prices. As he purchased six garments, he smiled at the cashier. “I heard that a person could hire tracker here to locate certain items.”
“Depends on what you want found.” He accepted the credits.
“A holocron.”
“Oh.” The cashier signaled to the owner. “He wants a holocron.”
“We have those downstairs as long as he has the credits.” The Mirialan owner called out.
Luthen stepped forward. “I can pay.”
“Good. Follow me.” The owner escorted him downstairs.
This could be a ploy to kill him and steal all his credits, so Luthen kept a grip his blaster. Once they made it downstairs, a large bookcase with four holocrons floored him. Luthen couldn’t believe it. “What kind of holocrons do you have there?”
“These three are datacrons.” The male Mirialan passed Luthen’s test by knowing this. “This is a holocron made by former Jedi Knight Allya, and it isn’t for sell. What kind of holocron are looking to buy?”
“A Sith one?”
“We have those too, but you must speak with Lady Rubina. She’s in charge of Force artifacts. If you don’t mind waiting for her, she’ll be here in about ten to fifteen minutes.” He gestured to the wooden chairs.
“Of course not.” Luthen sat down.
The owner joined him. “May I ask if this holocron is for your personal collection or not?”
“It’s for my future antique shop on Coruscant. Now, may I inquire about this former Jedi Knight? I haven’t heard of her.” Luthen didn’t recall her name among the Lost Twenty.
“Would you like to hear the tale of Alllya?”
“Sure.” It should pass the time for Luthen.
*** Story will be posted on Archive of Our Own on March 1 under Darthchocolate entitled Allya
“You expect me to believe that Allya who the Nightsisters were founded by existed four thousands year ago instead of six hundred years ago.” Luthen rose from his seat. “I’m not some ignorant mark.”
The stairs creaked. A gray skinned woman appeared in front of them. “No one accused you of this.” She removed her hood and revealed her long black hair. “The misunderstanding derived from a miscommunication. Nightsister Allya who was named after our founder had revised the Book of Laws six hundred years ago.”
“You’re a …” Luthen knew them to be all extinct, yet here she stood. “A Nightsister?”
“No, I’m from Ashen Travelers Clan of Dathomir. I am Rubina.” She rubbed the Mirialan man’s shoulder. He bowed to her and left.
“My apologies.” Luthen didn’t want to risk irking her.
“There is no need to apology. The Nightsisters have left the shadows, while we still maintain our presence as a secret. This is something that you understand, Luthen Rael. What are you searching for?”
“A Sith holocron. Credits aren’t issue if you have one.”
“We have one, but credits are an issue for us. We only trade items such as those. Bring five Varpeline crystals for the holocron. You might wish to bring some Thontiin crystals or Dantari crystals as well when you come to Dathomir. We have other things that might interest you.”
“But Dathomir was devastated during the war.”
“The Nightsisters were. They aren’t the only Dathomiran clan nor are they the oldest.” She handed him a datapad. “Go to this precise coordinate. Dathomir is deadly place for visitors.”
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Shrink Toys Reviews
Sex toys > Fetishes > Macrophilia > Shrinking and Growing Tools > Marcus and Johnson’s FAST Shrinking Powder, 500 mg
Reviews
Carl M.
A must-try for macrophiles
177 of 181 users found this useful
Thanks to this I was able to make my dream come true. I tried it with my girlfriend and the next thing I knew I ended up half a cm tall in her hand. I was able to explore her body all night. A few tips: 1) Make sure you get the antidote as well when you buy this. It’s sold separately so unless you want to stay tiny… plan accordingly. A lot of people complain about this. First they shrink and then they have to stay tiny for the next couple of days until they can get a taste of the antidote. Well, that doesn’t sound that bad to me at all! But whatever you wish to do, if you are reading this, you have been warned.
2) Make sure you can really trust the person you’re going to use this with. Horror stories are surfacing about people shrinking and then terrible things happening to them. DON’T use this with someone you just met, no matter how hot that may sound. DON’T use this with prostitutes. DON’T use this without telling your girlfriend/wife/whatever.
3) It’s called FAST because it’s meant to be used fast. Its effect wears off a few seconds after it’s opened. It’s made that way for a reason, otherwise it could be used to shrink unwilling peeps by adding it to their food and drinks. So don’t hesitate and just swallow it as soon as you can once you take it out of the blister. It’s not cheap so you’ll want to make sure you don’t waste it.
4) There are currently four sizes available: M (turns you ten times smaller, so about 17/18 centimeters if you’re average), S (turns you twenty times smaller, so about 8/9 centimeters), XS (about three hundred times smaller, more or less half a centimeter) and XXS (almost two thousand times smaller, more or less a millimeter). Make sure you get the version you would enjoy best. Essentially S means human dildo, XXS microscopic fun. Personally I made sure to try them all and can’t wait for new sizes to be added.
Rating: 10 out of 10
Jack D.
Works as intended, tastes awful
74 of 92 users found this useful
I have no qualms about the functionality of this product. It works just as advertised. I only wish it didn’t taste so bitter. It left a horrible taste in my mouth which almost ruined my playtime with my wife and I was too small to do anything about it. Because of the peculiar way it has to be used, there is no way it can be added to some orange juice or soda. They could make some strawberry or chocolate flavored versions to fix this problem and I really hope they do.
Rating: 7 out of 10
Jenna M. Should be outlawed
44 of 74 users found this useful
I haven’t used this product and I don’t intend to. However, since it was made available to the public, all kinds of freaks and perverts have started using it to sneak into my house and spy on me. Just so you know, everyone I’ve caught has ended up underfoot. I have no reservations about stepping into perverts who have no respect for the privacy of women, and no one should!
Rating: 1 out of 10
Karen E.
Beware of compatibility!
61 of 65 users found this useful
I wish I never agreed to let my (now ex) husband use this thing. Apparently the growth formula in the antidote does not react with his body, so he stayed small. He’s here with me as I write this, sitting on the desk. Five millimeters tall. I’ve spoken with doctors all around the state and no one was able to ultimately find a cure for him. Just do not use this. It’s not worth the risk.
Rating: 1 out of 10
Olga S.
Not just for sexy purposes!
79 of 86 users found this useful
I’ve gotten a bottle of this and I’ve started using it to carry my boyfriend around. I can sneak him into a concert then hide in the bathroom and get him back to normal there. Of course, because of its high price, it doesn’t make sense to use it for a $10 movie ticket. Just do your math and make sure the money you’re saving is worth the effort. EDIT: Beware because it can backfire as businesses are starting to wisen up to its use. Airports are a no-go. They have updated their metal detectors so they can sense hidden tiny people. It made the news once when they found a woman who was carrying someone in her panties. Imagine her embarrassment! Trains and buses are still fair game as far as I know.
Rating: 9 out of 10
Sophia T.
SO much fun
110 of 142 users found this helpful
Rating: 10 out of 10
Ivan M.
“Cured” me of size-related fantasies
28 of 30 users found this helpful
I guess this is personal, as many people enjoyed it just fine. For me shrinking down wasn’t a very good experience. My girlfriend at the time was very careless and rough and ended up bruising me and leaving me in pain. When she finally returned me to normal, I ended up with a broken leg. We broke up soon after. I don’t fantasize anymore about that kind of thing. I guess it’s some kind of PTSD, but whenever I check some size related materialnow, I sorta panic. I guess my advice would be: use it if you really want but make sure you really know who you’re getting in bed with.
Rating: 4 out of 10
Laura D.
Me and my husband divorced over this
75 of 100 users found this helpful
Honestly I found this kind of annoying. My husband would come to me and ask me to be his giantess. OK, I said at first, why not. But then he started wanting to do it every night. Regular sex wasn’t on the menu anymore. Instead he would climb up my feet as I sat down on the bed or on the armchair. All he wanted was to be at my feet and sometimes other parts of me while shrunken. Naturally this was boring to me, so I began to object to it. Eventually I told him I didn’t want to do it anymore. It was about that time that he started seeing another woman, I think. Eventually he left with his new mistress. Our daughter is mad at him and says I should have crushed him back when I had the chance. She’s probably right…
Rating: 1 out of 10
Jill F.
Writing this review in place of my boyfriend
80 of 134 users found this helpful I’m writing this because he can’t. He is currently 1 mm tall and licking (I guess? I can barely see or feel him) my feet. Since he shrunk a week ago he hasn’t wanted to return to normal (I’ve given him the antidote a few times, but he refuses to take it). So for him, this thing would be a 10 out of 10. For me, it’s more of a 0 out of 10… I’m getting real bored of having a speck-sized boyfriend hanging out on my toes. To other girls who might be reading this: learn from my mistake and if your boyfriend is that much of a pervert, dump him on the spot and go look for a normal one instead. Rating: 5 out of 10
Katy S.
Ooops! I lost her
20 of 25 users found this useful
My girlfriend had always wanted to be tiny so I let her have her way. Problem is… I can’t find her anymore! I’m not sure where the hell she might be. I’ve searched anywhere, from my clothes to our bedroom. Be really careful what you do once you shrink someone down. I’m leaving a good rating anyway since this thing clearly works.
Rating: 8 out of 10
Susy R.
I squished my brother 99 of 127 users found this helpful
this is maybe too personal to share, but i wanted to warn other people of the dangers of using this “shrinking powder”. one day we couldn’t find my brother anymore. me and my mom thought he had run away from home and wanted tocall the police. that’s when we found the bottle of shrinking powder in his room. we started panicking and searched the whole house. we were very careful of where we were stepping and completely clueless as to why he would use such a thing. i only found out a few hours later, when i was about to do my laundry. he had climbed on the crotch of my dirty panties and was frolicking in there. it grossed me out at first, then i got so mad. he had shrunk himself so he could go into my bedroom and perv on me, his own sister. i could not think straight anymore and squished him on the spot. to this day i don’t really regret it but i never told mom the truth. she thinks he’s just missing and hopes maybe someday we’ll find him on the floor of the living room…
Rating: 3 out of 10
Jim D. Voyeur paradise
55 of 110 users found this helpful
I prepared for this in advance. I started searching for a house with a hot female roommate. I found the perfect apartment and signed a one-year deal. I’m really sorry about this, Sarah (not your real name, of course), but I’ve been spying on you for months now. I make myself small enough that I can sneak under a closed door, then make my way under your desk. That’s the perfect place to look at you undressing. Sometimes when you’re studying at your desk I stare at your beautiful feet and legs for hours. The shape of your toes, every wrinkle in your sole is forever burned into my mind now. You don’t know how many loads I’ve blown under your desk, Sarah… To you, I’m the rommate who’s always outside. I heard you talking on the phone, you’ve said it so many times. You love having me as a roommate since it means having the house for yourself most of the time. Ah, if only you knew the truth…
Rating: 10 out of 10
Mary N.
Great for busy moms
78 of 104 users found this helpful
I realize many people don’t endorse this use of the powder, but who cares. I think it works great for busy moms like me. I just make my kids small, then bring them to the office so I can keep an eye on them all of the time. My co-workers actually find them cute. It’s way cheaper than a nanny when you consider the money you save on food. And if needed, punishing them requires no effort. Just a tiny fickle with your finger and boom! They straighten out. They fear me like I’m some kind of god, which I appreciate. I don’t even need to raise my voice to make them afraid of me. Some people in my family have criticized me for the way I’m raising them. I told them I’m sure my kids will grow up (no pun intended) as better people than most of their peers, we’ll see who gets the last laugh.
Rating: 10 out of 10
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The byrds sweetheart of the rodeo
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Released on elpee on Augin the US Columbia (CS 9670). Album package design by Geller and Butler Advertising. Produced by Gary Usher engineered by Roy Halee and Charlie Bragg.Ĭover illustration by Jo Mora. Huskey (bass on A2/A6), JayDee Maness (steel guitar), Clarence J. Ball (piano), Jon Corneal (drums on unreleased song “Lazy Days”), Lloyd Green (steel guitar), John Hartford (fiddle, banjo, guitar), Roy M. Life In Prison (Merle Haggard/Jelly Sanders)Ĭhris Hillman (vocals, bass guitar, mandolin), Kevin Kelley (drums), Roger McGuinn (vocals, guitar, banjo), Gram Parsons (vocals, guitar) with Earl P. One Hundred Years From Now (Gram Parsons)ī4. Hickory Wind (Gram Parsons, Bob Buchanan)ī2. You’re Still On My Mind (Luke McDaniel)ī1. You Don’t Miss Your Water (William Bell)Ī5. The Christian Life (Charles Louvin/Ira Louvin)Ī4. But be warned: after hearing Rodeo, you may never go back to rock and roll again.Ī2. What awaits are songs of outlaws (“Pretty Boy Floyd,” “Life In Prison”) and natural beauty (“Hickory Wind,” “Blue Canadian Rockies”) sweetened by the pleasure of the pedal steel guitar. Hearing Parsons, McGuinn and Hillman play country music with rock sensibilities is a revelation. It’s not hyperbole to say that the New Riders of the Purple Sage, the Eagles and the entire country-rock genre owe a deep debt of gratiitude to the groundbreaking work of Gram Parsons and The Byrds. In a very real sense, Sweetheart of the Rodeo opened the floodgates for country music to mix with rock and roll ( Jefferson Airplane, Grateful Dead and other psychedelic acts would soon follow suit). It’s the most “normal” album they’ve ever recorded and yet, at the same time, the most daring thing they’ve ever done. The Byrds unplug their instruments, disconnect from the drug scene (musically, not personally) and play country music without a trace of irony. The Dylan parallels are interesting here, as I keep coming back to the shock that listeners felt when Dylan and his band plugged in electric instruments Sweetheart of the Rodeo is the inverse of that. As for Roger McGuinn, who seems to have abdicated the leadership role (I never saw the band as having a leader to begin with), his versions of Bob Dylan’s “You Ain’t Going Nowhere” and “Nothing Was Delivered” may be the album’s most obvious links to the past. Byrds fans, however, were unprepared for an entire album of country classics complete with pedal steel guitar, fiddle, banjo and mandolin. Chris Hillman’s roots were in folk music and, as a Christian, songs such as “I Am A Pilgrim,” “The Christian Life” and Woody Guthrie’s “Pretty Boy Floyd” were likely already familiar to him. Of course, there was always the undercurrent of folk/country in the music of The Byrds, but we never knew how deep those waters ran until Rodeo arrived. By turning their back on their psychedelic past, The Byrds helped to create a new genre of music: country-rock. Calling this album a “complete reinvention” or “radical departure from the past” doesn’t capture the shock of hearing Sweetheart of the Rodeo for the first time. Gram Parsons didn’t join The Byrds, he hijacked them. Think Bob Dylan’s electric revelation, but in reverse.
Saving Earth Britannica Presents Earth’s To-Do List for the 21st Century.Episode seven, in which Gram Parsons temporarily takes over the Byrds and singlehandedly invents country-rock.
Britannica Beyond We’ve created a new place where questions are at the center of learning.
100 Women Britannica celebrates the centennial of the Nineteenth Amendment, highlighting suffragists and history-making politicians.
The byrds sweetheart of the rodeo how to#
COVID-19 Portal While this global health crisis continues to evolve, it can be useful to look to past pandemics to better understand how to respond today.Student Portal Britannica is the ultimate student resource for key school subjects like history, government, literature, and more.From tech to household and wellness products. Britannica Explains In these videos, Britannica explains a variety of topics and answers frequently asked questions.This Time in History In these videos, find out what happened this month (or any month!) in history.#WTFact Videos In #WTFact Britannica shares some of the most bizarre facts we can find.Demystified Videos In Demystified, Britannica has all the answers to your burning questions.Britannica Classics Check out these retro videos from Encyclopedia Britannica’s archives.
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Humanity has finally found a way to communicate with crabs, we realize they're smarter than us. Now that they know we know, what are they going to do?
Animal farm this bitch. They know that there’s more of them than humans and, unlike humans, they have claws and carapaces. The crabs come together as one to take over the world. They utilize technology to improve their evolutionary advantage. Like humans, they learn to use bionic technology; to increase the strength of their carapace, their pinch force, and their visibility both on land and underwater. They start to work to flood the world, attempting to ultimately rid themselves of other unwanted species. Anything that hunts crabs, including humans, are outlaws. They are punished just as a crab would be, they are boiled alive and eaten. Hermit PEOPLE are now kept in crowded cages, only given dog food and dirty clothes lying on the ground. The crabs will deconstruct human creations and use their resources to build a main crabtopolis under the ocean. Like Atlantis, but only crabs are allowed. Different crabs take on different jobs. Coconut crabs form the crab militia, hermit crabs form hermit people farms, giant spider crabs form the clean up crew, snow crabs become chefs(always looking for the best human dish), king crabs form the government, Dungeness and Chesapeake blue crabs form a cult who’s purpose is to eradicate humans, etc. The other creatures still alive would be contained using military force. New crab technology would be much sturdier and complicated than anything humans had created. They start to work on a society of bionic crabs that are much stronger than themselves, seeing the technological advancement as superior to any natural crab. They begin advertisement for these biological improvements and they become as common as Botox in human society. Fiddler crabs make up most of normal crab society, as they enjoy their own private homes and daytime activity. Most of the fighting goes on at night, so that the normal society may rest underground, while their nocturnal counterparts work to try and create the perfect crabtopolis. The hope is that Crabtopolis will bring all crabs together into one general home, where they will grow strong enough together to completely take over the world. The more crabs that there are, the more Crabtopolis’ are constructed, and the stronger and more unified the crabs become. Until, the crabs are the superior race that have more than triple the population and evolutionary benefits of any other species alive.
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I couldn’t stop thinking about the western mail order bride au so I made a bit of a soft outline
Jaime advertises for a ranch hand and gets Brienne. But she thinks she’s come to be a mail order bride. And she refuses to go home because with her dad dead she doesn’t have a home to go back to
So Jaime’s like whatever stay I don’t care but I’m not marrying you. Look after the ranch while I take this uber rich dude Bobby B on a wilderness hunt mainly because I wanna fuck his wife(JC ARE NOT RELATED IN THIS cause I just can’t write it). I’ll be back in a month, hope you survive
Brienne has no idea how to run a ranch but she tries her best and then one day she finds this kid on the outskirts of the land and he’s like hey I can help and she’s like I’m gonna be your Mama, tiny boy(it’s pod obvi)
Pod teaches Brienne to ranch and Brienne teaches Pod how to be a crack shot. Cause that’s what she’s really good at but it’s a secret
Until one day some outlaws come into town and try to rob the saloon and take the saloon women with them. And Brienne’s like not on my watch bitch. And she takes them down and then everybody in the town is like okay she might be awkward and shy but she’a a badass so we like her now
Jaime finally comes home from his one month stint of wilderness fuckery and Brienne has his ranch running like a well oiled machine and everywhere he goes in town all he hears about is how great Brienne is(especially from the saloon women who are like a Brienne Tarth fan club now). And he absolutely hates her guts.
So Jaime’s like she thinks she’s hot shit and being a cowboy is so easy Imma take her on this cattle drive
The cattle drive basically turns out to be their riverlands adventure but ya know as cowboys
They grow closer. Way closer. Jaime’s like maybe we could get married.
They make it home and Jaime takes another job taking Bobby B out into the wilderness. No fucking this time cause he’s kinda falling for his ranch hand/possible soon to be wife
While Jaime’s gone Brienne finds out about Jaime and Cersei somehow. She’s pretty devastated cause she thinks he’s off getting laid while she’s sitting at home in love with him. Then an influenza epidemic hits the town and Brienne almost dies
Jaime eventually shows back up and learns in town that hella people died while he was gone. Nobody can tell him much about Brienne and Pod. So he races home.
They’re both alive and well but Brienne’s acting different towards him. Pod lets him know Brienne almost died and it really fucks him up that while he was away she could have died.
Brienne decides he obviously doesn’t feel the same way she does so she’s just gonna work his ranch and take care of her boy and that’s gonna be her life.
Jaime tries hella hard to court her. She’s not having it.
Finally the conflict comes out and and it’s all resolved and feelings are admitted and they bone.
Then they get married and have ten kids+Pod and live happily ever after.
#I probably won’t ever write it but damn I love the idea#brienne of tarth#jaime lannister#jaime x brienne#braime#braime fanfic#Podrick payne
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The Chosen One
Anon: Hey! I saw you did a request for Blackbeard and I know you don’t really like writing for him but would you do a scenario where he and his crew are on an island and in a bar or whatever and there is this dancer and he just needs to have her? Could you make it nsfw and maybe dark? If not it’s okay too! I love your writing ! 💖
I don't know if I should be worried about you for requesting nsfw Blackbeard or worried about me for actually writing OVER 2000 words! On the one hand I'm happy that someone requested something different but on the other hand...it's Blackbeard 😂
Anyways, I will still keep writing for him cause he is just the perfect character for non-con scenarios though I know that it's not everyone's cup of tea. Hope you still enjoy it.
Warning: 18+, nsfw, non-con, blowjob
Paring: Blackbeard x female reader
Word count: 2.6k (please kill me)
On the way to Hachinosu Blackbeard and his crew made a stop at another island known to be a paradise to pirates and outlaws, being completely abandoned by the navy and world government. Drunk men and women were gathering in the streets, liquor spilling out of their mouths while they tried to stay on their feet. Two women immediately staggered over to him and his crew, knowing full well who he was. They pressed their half-naked bodies against his, trying to get him to spend money on them in the form of booze or maybe even jewelry. But he pushed them away quite forcefully, making his way through the crowd and into a bar that advertised with sexy and luxurious ladies. None of them were either – at least in his memory.
Blackbeard let himself fall down on a chair, yelling to the bartender to better hurry up and get him his booze. Part of his crew joined him; the rest was scattered around the island. “I hope Glitter is here today! Can’t wait for her to dance for me! Wiihahahahaha!” Burgess laughed, grabbing the mug filled with beer and emptying it in one go. “That ugly, old hag? You have a terrible taste in women. Zehahahaha!” his captain retorted, letting his eyes wander through the bar and the dancing ladies.
“Better than that annoying brat you tormented last time, captain! At least Glitter knew what she was doing. Yours was just screaming and begging you to stop! I thought you would break her! Wiihahahahaha!” the rest of his crew joined in in Burgess laughter at the memory of their last stay at this island. Blackbeard chuckled darkly, taking a deep slug of his booze.
“She just couldn’t handle an emperor of the sea.” His crew’s laughter grew louder, other costumers eyeing them from the side but too afraid to actually say something.
“Oi! Bartender! Where are all your pretty ladies?!” Blackbeard yelled, making the bartender flinch where he stood. “This is the first shift. The second one will come in about an hour.” He informed them but Blackbeard was having none of it. “Make them come out now!” he demanded. “And tell Glitter to come out!” Burgess added, already drinking his second mug.
“As I said, the next shift wi-“, but he was interrupted by Blackbeard. Dark shadows started surrounding him, a malicious grin formed on his lips, exposing his missing teeth. “Do you really want to argue with us?” he asked. The whole atmosphere had changed in an instant and the air was thick as ice. The bartender shook his head and hurried to the back, not wanting to cause any more trouble. “At least he knows what’s best for him.” Shiryu chimed in, ordering another mug as well. “Let’s see what they have to offer today.”
It didn’t take long for the women to come out and most of them were the same as last time. Blackbeard was unsatisfied even though he had already suspected as much. And that chick from last time wasn’t here either. How rude!
Sulking, he grabbed Shiryu’s mug he had just ordered and downed in one go, spilling half of it on his beard and chest. “Another one!” he yelled, throwing the empty mug against the wall next to the bartender’s head. The women who had just come out schrieked in surprise and wanted to run to the back again, but Blackbeard stopped them. “Shut up and start dancing, you ugly hags!” he yelled, his mood dropping by the minute.
“Don’t be too harsh with them, captain. It’s not their fault they’re not your type.” Burgess laughed, his eyes already glued to Glitter, one of the blonde dancers. Blackbeard huffed, his eyes skimming the other women once again in the hopes that he might’ve missed one of them.
And apparently, he had! In the furthest back, barely visible, was this one, beautiful young women, starting to sway her hips to the music playing and all of a sudden his anger was blown away. A huge, grin re-appeared in his lips and he leaned back in content, watching her move to the beat. His crew wasn’t stupid; they had noticed their captain’s change in behavior and one look at the dancer in the back gave the answer as to why.
“Seems like captain’s gonna get some fun tonight after all, isn’t that right?” Burgess chuckled in amusement but didn’t say anything beyond that, too occupied with staring at the blonde dancer in the front.
Blackbeard was entranced by her performance; her graceful moves, her soft-looking hair, her glistering lips – oh, how much he wanted to feel them around his dick while he grabbed those perfectly soft locks to guide her to his thrusts. He swallowed hard, his primal instincts taking over the longer he watched her.
It was no surprise he couldn’t wait until the performance was over. He got up from his chair and ambled over, interrupting the other women. “H-hey! What are you doing?” one asked disgusted but she almost immediately shut her mouth when he glared at her over his shoulder. “Did you say anything, tramp?” he asked but the woman backed off already, holding her hands up in defense. “I-it was nothing. I’m sorry.” He apologized and watched him corner the object of his desire against a wall.
“C-can I help you?” she asked, obviously scared shitless. Blackbeard chuckled and held out his hand, showing off the variety of rings on his hand while he did. But she didn’t see it, too occupied with trying to find a way out of this situation. Usually, the bartender and her boss were enough to scare anyone who tried to do anything to them away but he was Blackbeard, Marshall D. Teach, emperor of the seas – he wouldn’t be scared away by two middle-aged men with guns.
“I want you to come with me.” The pirate said and she pressed her body against the cold wall behind her, wishing she could just disappear. But this was impossible. “I-I’m working at the moment. C-could you wait until….until we’re done?” she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to reject him out loud cause an angry Blackbeard was a scary Blackbeard. She didn’t want to agree to go with him either which should be obvious why. So, the best option was to buy some time – if he let her.
Blackbeard’s grin grew wider and he lowered his hand. “Of course. And when you’re done you’re gonna come to me and become my woman, okay?” he asked. Well, it wasn’t a question rather than an order and she knew she couldn’t refuse, couldn’t turn him down. She was trapped. Maye she could try and sneak away somehow but she feared that it would be almost impossible. Meanwhile, the captain of the Blackbeard pirates was walking back to his seat, his crew members laughing at him getting ‘turned down’ again. After a few insults the music started playing again. All the dancers were scared but had to try and look as if nothing happened, giving costumers suggestive glances to get more tips.
Blackbeard’s eyes never left her body and she knew there was no way out. The other women even agreed on dancing more than usual, just for her to maybe find a way out. But when the very last song had ended and tips could be collected from the floor she knew she was screwed (or was about to get screwed).
“Just try and get out the back, Y/n.” one whispered but she had already noticed how one of his crewmembers, the one with the cigar, had left and was probably waiting for her in the back, just in case she chose to make a run for it. So, she did the only thing she could think of – surrender to her fate and slowly walk over to where the feared pirate was sitting.
His crew’s eyes widened when they saw her walking over, everyone expecting her to try and sneak away. “There you are. Haven’t I told you, you bastards? She came!” he yelled excitedly, almost like a little child who got the toy he had wished for for his birthday. She tried to look confident but her trembling body was betraying her.
“Seems like she didn’t come cause she liked you so much, captain! Wiihahahaha!” Burgess laughed. Blackbeard huffed and ignored him, grabbing her wrist instead and pulling her closer until she was pressed against his naked torso. “Do you wanna be my woman?” he asked, his breath reeking of alcohol and she had to crinkle her nose in disgust. “Zehahahaha….I know you want to. Don’t be shy.”
She felt his other hand move over her back and down to her ass, squeezing it in his big palm. She yelped in response, trying to get away from his hand by instinct but pressing her body further against his in the process. “That’s a good girl! Already showing her captain how much she wants him!” Blackbeard raised his hand to the bartender to catch his attention. “Oi! I’m gonna take her with me!” he just announced before he got up, pulling her with him out of the bar much to her dismay. She could faintly hear the bartender try and call him back but she was sure Blackbeard’s crew would stop him from coming after them.
She was brought to his ship of all places; some of his crewmembers who haven’t left the ship were still there and were leering at her with hungry eyes but not daring to make any comments since she was the captain’s. Blackbeard dragged her to his room which was smelling badly. It smelled like alcohol and sweat, mixed with his personal odor.
“Here we are, Y/n.” He announced, closing the door behind him. On the way he was the one mostly talking, asking for her name which she gave him in fear. She looked around the room, intuitively inching closer to the wall next to her. Blackbeard’s eyes were scanning her body, slowly coming closer and cornering her once again against the wall. He looked at her like a hungry dog looking at a piece of fresh meat and she could swear he was almost drooling. She didn’t want to be here. At all. But she couldn’t run away either. He fate had been sealed the moment he had laid his eyes on her.
“Ne, Y/n. Since you’re my woman now why don’t you show me how much you want me?” he suggested. He lifted his hand and gently stroked her cheek, feeling the wet tears that were running down her face. “No need to cry. If you’re good to me I’m gonna be good to you.” A threat no less and she couldn’t help but fall to the floor, burying her face in her hands and sobbing uncontrollably. This was too much for her. Why did he have to choose her? Why did she have to come with him? Why did she have to be his woman?
“Zehahahaha. Don’t cry. You’re gonna have it good with me. I’ll take care of you, Y/n.” she heard him walk away and a soft sound, indicating him sitting down on his huge bed. She didn’t raise her head but when she heard him speak up again she had to. “Come over here, Y/n.” he ordered, his voice sweet as honey but unforgiving like iron.
When she didn’t move, she heard him grumble in annoyance. “Oi, woman! I said come over here!” he repeated himself impatiently. Slowly, she got up and moved closer until she was standing right in front of him. Contently, he grinned again, taking her chin between his fingers, making her look up at him. “Good girl.” His thumb stroked over her jaw, over her lips before pushing between them and into her mouth. She pressed her eyes shut, tasting his salty skin on her tongue.
He moved his finger in and out, watching it in amazement while listening to the queit but wet sounds it was making. His other hand moved down to his pants, opening them and freeing his already erect member. She didn’t dare look down when he started to stroke himself in the same rhythm he was moving his finger, soon adding another one. He pushed them further down her mouth, pressing down on her tongue until her gag reflex kicked in and she made gagging sound, trying to suppress the feeling of throwing up.
“Zehahahaha. This is gonna be fun.” He mused before pushing her to the ground between his legs. She knew what he wanted but she couldn’t bring herself to open her mouth for him. She smelled his dick; at least it wasn’t as bad as she had expected but it was far from the clean smell she had hoped for. He slapped his dick against her cheek and smeared some pre-cum on it before he caressed her lips with his thick mushroom head. “Open up, woman.” He said in a low voice, his eyes glistering in excitement.
Taking her time, she opened her mouth, accepting that he wouldn’t let her get out of this situation either way. At least he wouldn’t have a reason to be mad at her if she obliged – at least she hoped. His dick pushed forward, gliding over her tongue and all the way to the back of her throat, ready to choke her on his dick. She pressed her nails into his thighs, trying to push herself away from his member but his hand was already buried in her lock, pressing her down onto his crotch. “Hngh!” she protested but he didn’t care.
A deep groan left his throat and he threw his head back, eyes closed in pleasure. He didn’t wait for her to adjust to his size and simply started moving her head on his own, pressing her down in him with each thrust, his hot dick filling her mouth out completely. More tears were running down her face and she tried to take a deep breath in every time she got the chance to.
His deep and shameless moans echoed through his room and could probably be heard by his crew outside. But he obviously didn’t care. To her relief, if she wanted to call it that, he didn’t demand of her to show some effort from her side; he was simply mouth fucking her the minute they had started. It wasn’t pleasant whatsoever but at least he did all the work and she just had to let him use her mouth.
“Fuck…what a good girl you are…your throat his so tight…! Fuck!” he praised, his hand grabbing tighter at her hair, pulling it almost violently as he moved her head on his dick. Her nails kept digging into his thighs as some sort of ‘punishment’ for him though she doubted he even noticed. She felt his dick pulse inside her mouth and she was thankful he wouldn’t last much longer.
With a few more thrusts he came deep inside her mouth, his sperm running down her throat, giving her a hard time not to take in a deep breath that was much needed. She didn’t taste a lot of his cum but what she tasted wasn’t nice at all. He was definitely drinking too much and his diet was unhealthy as well.
With an audible ‘plop’ he pulled his dick out of her mouth, saliva dripping down onto her thighs. He was panting in exhaustion, his hand still buried in her hair, making her look up at him again. “That was good, don’t you think, Y/n?” he asked, expecting her to agree. She nodded hesitantly, hoping he wouldn’t want anything else from her. “Later, we’re gonna go for round two so I can see how good your pussy can take me.”
#one piece#op#op imagine#blackbeard#op blackbeard#marshall d teach#Blackbeard x reader#ns.fw#please don't kill me#I'm really sorry#he's such a bad character#can't help but not like him#op x reader#x reader#female reader
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26. giggling while kissing!
Here’s Jaq and Phineas getting themselves into all sorts of trouble aboard Groundbreaker (1300 words, more under the cut to spare you all scrolling):
With most of a bottle of purpleberry wine thrumming through their veins, the lights and noise of Groundbreaker seemed so much more overwhelming than usual and Jaq found Phineas’ arm about their waist a welcome anchor. He was swaying a little beside them, still humming a tune that had been playing in the Chief’s quarters as they had both said their goodbyes to Parvati and Junlei.
“Did you have a good evening?” they asked. Phineas smiled and nodded without interrupting his tune and Jaq gave a quiet laugh. It wasn’t easy to convince him to leave his work on the Hope for the chaos of life elsewhere in the system. They were glad he’d enjoyed himself.
With no night cycle in place, it never truly became quiet aboard Groundbreaker but at this late hour, the crowds were considerably thinner than usual. With their arm about his shoulders, Jaq steered Phineas around a group of freighter crew who stood arguing over tossball results and the two weaved between tourists waiting for food at various greasy smelling stalls. Just as they cleared a noisy group, an ad bot zipped past them, fluorescent green lights flashing away and a mechanical voice extolling the virtues of the latest Cleo’s products.
“It’s better than nature!” it sang in a clunky mechanical tone. On the screen, a young tossball player was carefully coifing his hair and holding up a tin of bright green pomade. The picture fizzled and distorted for a moment as the bot bounced past the flashing neon sign of a vendor and Jaq thought there was something distinctly odd about the image, as if it was laid atop another, though they couldn’t quite make out what. Then the bot swivelled in the air and began drifting back toward them and Jaq almost froze on the spot.
The change in Phineas’ demeanour was immediate. He tensed beneath their arm, his footsteps suddenly faltering as his gaze fixed upon the floating ad bot bearing the ghost of his own image. Where his expression had been bright and content a moment before, now a thunderous scowl had taken its place, deep, wary lines etched into his skin. It seemed his wanted poster had been fixed upon the display for so long that it had become burnt into the screen so that the haunted eyes of an outlaw stared back from beneath the new advertising.
The bot continued to float up and down doing laps of the promenade and Jaq could feel the tension in Phineas’ body as he followed its movements.
“All these blasted lights and ridiculous noises, how can anyone concentrate in a place like this,” he grumbled. “It gives me a splitting headache.”
Jaq was pretty sure it was the wine that was going to leave them with a head as thick as a primal’s hide in the morning, then the Rizzo’s advertising drone went wandering past with its ridiculous slogan that set their teeth on edge and they found themself nodding agreement. They’d always had half a mind to punt that particular drone halfway down the promenade.
Phineas’ furious frown had given way to a sombre look when Jaq glanced over at him and their chest ached at the sight. They’d had a wonderful night together enjoying a lovingly prepared meal in the company of good friends – this wasn’t how things should end, with bitter reminders of his past. They had to do something to ease the melancholy that had fallen over him.
They lent into their partner’s ear. “Want to do something illegal and potentially very stupid?” they muttered, low enough the odd stevedore ambling past wouldn’t hear.
“Oh?” he intoned.
Phineas’ expression turned quizzical, then when Jaq grinned, his lips quirked up in a conspiratorial smile.
“Will you watch my back?” they asked. Phineas nodded without hesitation and Jaq slipped free of him, glancing up and down the promenade.
Most the figures milling about were occupied with eating or haggling over prices and Jaq didn’t spot any of the conspicuous turquoise of the mardet’s uniforms. Besides a couple of stragglers hanging about by the bar at the far end, the walkway was clear – perfect.
They waited until the Rizzo’s bot had just floated into range and then, before it could spin and make its return lap, they struck out with their right foot. Their boot connected with a solid thump that they knew they’d feel in the morning and sent it spinning away, tumbling end over end down the deck until its roll was abruptly halted in a shower of sparks and sputtering lights as it collided with the Cleo’s drone.
The low hum of human conversation suddenly erupted into startled shouts and more than a few cheers, all cut through by garbled electronic phrases as the two drones lay tangled together in a mangled mess of steel and wires. Jaq gave a triumphant whoop as the static overtook the advertising images for a moment and then both drones’ power went out. They turned at the sound of Phineas’ elated laughter, beaming at him as they approached, ready to sweep him up in a hug.
“What in the law forsaken void – ?” A furious voice yelled and when Jaq glanced over their shoulder they saw two young mardet recruits come running out of the Lost Hope. “Who’s responsible for this mess?”
“Shit,” Phineas muttered as the mardets turned back and forth, seeking out the culprits through the crowd of curious onlookers who had gathered around the carnage.
“Hey!” one of the uniforms shouted and before he could yell halt, Jaq grabbed Phineas’ hand and they took off down the promenade together.
Jaq had been fully prepared to slow their pace to allow Phineas to keep up but he didn’t seem to have any trouble as they ducked and weaved through the evening’s revellers and dodged about the cargo being dropped off outside the Med Bay. He ran with the vigour of a man half his age and whether that was powered by the evening’s alcoholic indulgences or the joy of destroying corporate property Jaq wasn’t sure. Either way, they were quite certain he’d have been able to keep up the pace back to the Unreliable if required but that wasn’t going to get the mardets off their tail.
As they approached the customs station, Jaq veered off suddenly, tugging Phineas to the side and into a narrow gap between vendors that lead to a maintenance access point. They halted, tucking in between the thick metal plating, pressing him back against the wall. They had to huddle in tight to avoid being seen, the angular shadows left by the high spotlights here aiding in their concealment. Jaq waited, focusing on their pounding heart, listening out in hope of the sounds of the frustrated mardets racing past.
“That . . .” Phineas managed between pants. “That was . . . a hell of a shot!”
He was grinning even as he struggled to get his breath back, quiet chuckles puffing out of him and his chest jolting against their own. Jaq sniggered, trying desperately to keep the noise down even as laughter bubbled up inside them. Phineas was giggling now and Jaq knew they were both in danger of giving their hiding spot away but they couldn’t contain their own giddy joy at seeing that spark back in his eyes. Rather than suppress it, they found themself pressing their mouth to his in a breathless kiss. Phineas hummed in delight between fits of helpless laughter and Jaq could feel the curve of his lips beneath their own. They forgot all about the pursuing mardets when his hands slipped beneath their jacket, clutching at their waist to tug them ever closer.
Eventually, they got themselves under control and Jaq judged enough time had passed that the mardet’s must have sprinted on past their hiding place whilst they were occupied.
Affecting the casual air of a couple on a stroll back from a night out together, they made their way back to the Unreliable, the picture of innocence. And if they were still a little out of breath, passers-by would surely put it down to the infectious laugher shared by partners caught up in their own private happiness.
Finally getting around to answering some of these! I know it was from so long ago but thank you so much! This was partly inspired by @damejudyhench response ages ago to me saying Jaq hated the Rizzo’s ad bot on Groundbreaker
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13 of the Most Disturbing Last Words from Death Row Prisoners
Before execution, it is usually customary for condemned criminals to take the stage one last time and address the public with his or her final words. Whether it is a chilling statement aimed at shocking or upsetting those in attendance, a light-hearted statement that attempts get few chuckles or a final slap in the face of society, criminals throughout the years have had some pretty interesting things to say in the minutes prior to taking their final breath.
Here are the last words of 13 death row prisoners and the disturbing messages they chose to leave the world.
John Wayne Gacy
Last words: “Kiss my ass.”
John Wayne Gacy was convicted of the rape and murder of 33 men between 1972 and his arrest in 1978. The former children’s party entertainer became known as the “Killer Clown” because of the all the parties he attended in his clown suit and full-face makeup.
Gacy was executed by lethal injection just after midnight on May 10, 1994. When asked if he had any last words, Gacy is said to have snarled these three simple words.
Aileen Wuornos
Last words: ���I’d just like to say I’m sailing with the rock, and I’ll be back like Independence Day, with Jesus June 6. Like the movie, big mother ship and all, I’ll be back.”
Aileen Wuornos, abandoned by her parents at a young age was working as a prostitute and robbing people to support herself by the time she became a teenager. In 1989 and 1990, Wuornos shot, killed and robbed at least six men. Arrested and tried in 1991 she received a total of six death sentences, earning her the inaccurate label by the press of being the first female American serial killer.
George Appel
Last words: “Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel.”
Clearly keeping his sense of humor right until the last moment, this pun was to be the final words of convicted murderer George Appel before he was executed in the electric chair in New York in 1928 for the murder of a New York City police officer.
Peter Kürten
Last words: “Tell me. After my head has been chopped off, will I still be able to hear, at least for a moment, the sound of my own blood gushing from the stump of my neck? That would be a pleasure to end all pleasures.”
Peter Kürten, or more commonly known as the “The Vampire of Dusseldorf,” is believed to have killed nearly 60 people in Germany. He beat, raped, and drank the blood of at least one of his victims. Kürten was executed by guillotine on July 2, 1931.
John Spenkelink
Last words: “Capital punishment: them without the capital get the punishment.”
John Spenkelink was a drifter convicted of killing a traveling companion which he claimed was done in self-defense. Incidentally, he was also the first man put to be put to death in Florida after the U.S. Supreme Court reinstated capital punishment in 1976.
Barbara “Bloody Babs” Graham
Last words: “Good people are always so sure they’re right.”
Barbara “Bloody Babs” Graham was a prostitute, drug addict and a murderess who was executed in the gas chamber at San Quentin in 1955 along with two accomplices. Graham beat an elderly woman to death when a robbery went bad. When she was strapped into the gas chamber by Joe Feretti, the man in charge of her execution, he told her, “Now take a deep breath and it won’t bother you” to which she responded, “How would you know?”
Gary Gilmore
Last words: “Let’s do it!”
Convicted of killing a motel manager, Gary Gilmore’s was put to death in Utah on January 17, 1977, by a volunteer firing squad. He became the first person to be executed after the U.S. reinstated the death penalty in 1976, ending a 10-year lapse. Gilmore donated his organs and shortly after he was executed, two people received his corneas.
Notably, Gilmore gained further fame posthumously when advertising executive Dan Wieden credited Gilmore’s parting words as the inspiration for Nike’s tagline.
Carl Panzram
Last words: “In my lifetime I have murdered 21 human beings, I have committed thousands of burglaries, robberies, larcenies, arsons and last but not least I have committed sodomy on more than 1,000 male human beings. For all these things, I am not in the least bit sorry.”
Carl Panzram was a serial killer, rapist, arsonist, and burglar who was hanged on September 5, 1930. Without ever showing any sign of remorse for his crimes, he refused to appeal his sentence, he even threatening to kill members of human rights groups who attempted to appeal on his behalf.
Defiant until the end, Panzram went on to tell his own executioner, “Hurry it up you Hoosier bastard! I could hang a dozen men while you’re screwing around.”
Timothy McVeigh
Last words: “I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.”
Timothy McVeigh is best known as the Oklahoma City bomber and was convicted of setting the bomb which killed 149 adults and 19 children at the federal building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma on April 19, 1995. McVeigh had no final words before being executed by lethal injection on June 11, 2001, in Indiana. Although he did leave a handwritten statement quoting the last lines of the poem called Invictus by Sir William Ernest Henley.
James French
Last words: “How’s this for a headline? ‘French Fries.’”
James French was the last person to be executed by electric chair under Oklahoma’s death penalty on August 10, 1966. Already in prison for life, but allegedly afraid to commit suicide, French murdered his cellmate, apparently to compel the state to execute him.
Thomas J. Grasso
Last words: “I did not get my spaghettiOs, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.”
Thomas J. Grasso was executed by lethal injection in Oklahoma for strangling an 87 year-old woman to death on Christmas Eve with her own Christmas lights, while stealing a television and $12. In the US, prisoners on death row are traditionally allowed anything they would like to eat for their last meal before they are executed. Grasso took this right very seriously. His last meal request was for two dozen steamed mussels, two dozen steamed clams (flavoured by a wedge of lemon), a double cheeseburger from Burger King, a half-dozen barbecued spare ribs, two strawberry milkshakes, one-half of a pumpkin pie with whipped cream, diced strawberries, and a 16-ounce can of SpaghettiOs with meatballs, served at room temperature.
Unfortunately for him, the length or complexity of his list seemed to confuse kitchen staff who made one crucial mistake and served him spaghetti instead of his SpaghettiOs.
Robert Alton Harris
Last words: “You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everyone dances with the grim reaper.”
Robert Alton Harris was responsible for the murder of two teenage boys. In 1992, he was the first person to be executed in the state of California in decades. His last words were a misquote from the film Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey.
Tom “Black Jack” Ketchum
Last words: “I’ll be in hell before you start breakfast, boys. Let her rip!”
Tom “Black Jack” Ketchum, the infamous outlaw was finally caught after a failed train robbery. Sentenced to hang, Ketchum’s uttered these now famous words before his execution was horribly botched, and the noose cut his head clean off his body.
#13 of the Most Disturbing Last Words from Death Row Prisoners#serial killers#paranormal#ghost and hauntings#ghost and spirits
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August 27th 1784 saw the first balloon ascent in the British Isles by James Tytler, Edinburgh.
James Tytler was born in 1745, son of the minister at Fearn in Angus, and after a good education at the parish school, and two or three years as a surgeon’s apprentice in Forfar, he made his way to Edinburgh to study medicine at the University. The following summer, 1765, he took service aboard the Royal Bounty, a Leith whaler, as ship’s surgeon. Then came the first of many misfortunes during his life – he got married. The marriage was hasty and he now had to earn enough to support his wife, making the continuance of his studies impossible. He set up business in Leith as a pharmacist. Business was poor, eventually forcing him to flee to England, out of the reach of his creditors.
He returned to Edinburgh, now with five children as well, and set about making a living from what seemed to be his greatest skill - writing. He was a very prolific writer and editor, although the vast majority of his work went anonymously, being employed in the main by other writers and publishers. He is renowned to have had an amazing skill at editing, being able to précis an item as quickly as most people could read it.
After some attempts at his own publications, a spell in the debtors' sanctuary at Holyrood, and his wife leaving him, he eventually found steady employment in editing the second edition of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, much underpaid at sixteen shillings a week. He spent the next six or seven years at this monumental work while living at Duddingston, using an upturned tub as a writing desk. The Encyclopaedia filled over 9,000 pages and it was during his researches for one of the appendices, covering Air Balloons and their development in the past year, that his interest was sparked.
He set about constructing his Grand Edinburgh Fire Balloon with very little money and probably even less public support. He charged 6d to see a model, and eventually had his balloon ready for a public inflation, though not for a flight. At the time Edinburgh had a building nicknamed "the largest pigeon-house in Europe" - the partly built Register House at the East End of Princes Street. This made an excellent venue for Tytler to test his 40 foot tall balloon, the unfinished dome providing shelter and support.
James Tytler then advertised the public ascent, to be held at Comely Garden (a pleasure garden, now the site of Milton Street, Waverley Park, and the Elsie Inglis Hospital) on 6 August 1784. Needless to say, James had his normal luck - bad luck - all his attempts being dogged by either technical problems or the weather. The press attacked him, and the mob attacked his balloon. Discouraged but not beaten, he was ready again towards the end of the month.
On Wednesday 25 August he inflated the balloon at an early hour in the morning, left the fire burning for another hour, stepped into his basket, and was released. The Grand Edinburgh Fire Balloon rose from the ground, tethered. According to the Edinburgh Evening Courant "the balloon, together with the projector himself, and basket in which he sat, were fairly floated". Two days later he had even greater success, "navigating the atmosphere" for about half a mile to Restalrig, and on the 31st he made another ascent. Thus were made the first flights from British soil, predating both Lunardi and Sadler. Tytler was famous. A hero. Until another attempt failed and the ignorant press again criticised him.
James Tytler's life after his ballooning successes was no less interesting, with another stay in the Holyrood sanctuary, further writing and publishing, divorce proceedings, another wife and more children, and eventually an indictment for seditious libel which led to his being outlawed. His last few years were spent in Salem, Massachusetts ., where he died in 1804
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