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bold-writing · 3 years

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The One With Whiskey Eyes || 9 || Precious Porcelain, Cracked and Broken

Warnings: Violence, Swearing, Threats.

Words: 3600+

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~9~

Iris and Barry emailed back and forth a few more times over Sunday, usually short and sweet since he was at work and Iris didn’t want to distract him from his job. Luke had surprised her with an email later in the day, saying that he’d bugged Barry into giving him her email address with a wink emoji at the end of the sentence. She’d just shaken her head with a smile as she pulled out some food for a simple dinner.

She had started her Monday with a positive outlook, having gotten much better sleeps the past couple of nights and therefore back on her game when she stepped into work. Emailing Barry and Luke had been one of the first things that she had done in the morning, somehow feeling right at home with the new addition to her routine.

The first couple of hours had gone smoothly, and Iris had been relieved to be back in her element with something to do with her time. Her coworkers were especially happy to have her back, thinking that she was going to go back to her usual routine of taking any and all hours that she could get her hands on; instead, she’d called the owner that morning and had discussed getting her schedule changed to allow for more free time on weekends and maybe evenings.

They had happily agreed, since she hadn’t taken voluntary time off since she had started there.

Her day was going smooth and by the book, Iris able to get lost in her thoughts as she priced and scanned the new books they had gotten in while manning the counter. Her coworkers were among the shelves, stocking up the empty spaces and cleaning up the messes that customers left behind.

Unfortunately, that good day didn’t last long.

“Miss, I can’t take this book,” Iris denied as she pushed the worn novel back across the counter. “Not only do you not have your receipt, we do not even sell that here.” They hadn’t gone through the painstaking process of transferring all of their files to computer for nothing, Iris was able to search for any book title and know whether they sold it or not.

“I lost the receipt, sorry! But I bought this book here, just last week!”

“Well it’s in terrible condition for having been bought a week ago,” Iris answered, motioning to the heavily cracked spine, bent front page and stains along the bottom corner. “We have strict rules here; you must return the book, with your receipt, within fourteen days of purchase.” Iris motioned to the taped up sign that was located just over Iris’s right shoulder, stating the rules that Iris had just said.

“I would like to talk to your manager,” the woman finally demanded with a deep scowl. She was several inches taller than Iris on flat ground, and she was now wearing four inch heels that made her absolutely tower over the younger woman.

“Hi,” Iris smiled back, remaining firmly rooted in place as she gave a small wave—almost, but not quiet, mockingly.

The woman’s face morphed into a livid frown before she snatched the book from the counter and turned on heel so fast that Iris was surprised she hadn’t spun right off her heels. She watched the woman leave, allowing Iris the satisfaction of once more having been able to pull the ‘I am the manager’ card. Iris glanced over to the coworker that was stocking just a few feet away from her, hiding a grin as she tucked more books on the shelf.

“You enjoy that too much,” she called over to Iris, amusement colour her features.

“The look on their face is the only thing that makes being the manager worth it,” Iris answered as she resumed her work of unboxing, pricing and scanning the books to put everything in the system. “Makes you glad we put everything on a computer system a couple years ago?” she offered, getting a laugh from the younger woman as she nodded eagerly.

“I don’t know how you stay so calm when you have people like that,” Jessica, the younger girl who had been there for nearly five years, added on as she finished with the box that Iris had given to her and moved over to collect the other one that Iris had priced for her.

“It helps that I go into a situation like that knowing they’ll ask for…well, me.” Jessica snorted at Iris’s explanation before the two women returned to their work. Iris pulled her long braid over her shoulder in nervous habit, her eyes double checking the computer screen to make sure that the correct number of copies had been entered before she opened a new page for the next box.

She was wearing a pair of thin black compression gloves, keeping her hands warm and protecting them from being cut up or dried out by the boxes and books, while also hiding her mark from prying eyes. Those that she worked with had gotten so accustomed to her wearing the gloves; they didn’t usually bring them up anymore. However, now and then they would make bets about whether or not it was a soulmark, and what it might say that would make her hide it.

The next box that Iris opened was a hardcover sketchbook, one of their best-selling sketchbooks; which made her smile as Barry popped into her mind.

She had barely tagged one book when the bell over the door signalled that someone else had entered the store. Having heard the same thing every day since she worked there, Iris didn’t even look up from the counter this time. “Welcome to Pages of the World; if you need any help just let me know!” she called from her place behind the counter while sticking another price-tag on the sketchbook.

“Yea, you can fucking help me, brat!”

Iris flinched while looking up from her work, the booming yell of a man charging up to the counter making her want to tuck tail and run. Women she could deal with, they always came off as less terrifying to her than men did after all these years. Even Jessica flinched behind the display she was setting up, looking between Iris and the irate man wearily.

“Excuse me?” Iris stuttered out in surprise, unable to supress the fear that had her leaning back. There was still a counter between the two of them, but Iris couldn’t find the assurance in it.

“You turned my wife away just because of a receipt? What the hell kinda customer service skills do you have to honestly be a manager?” Oh course it had to be the husband. Somehow, Iris figured that the couple had planned this. They would try to get a free fifteen dollars for a used book that was not from this store; if the wife’s sob story about losing the receipt didn’t work, the husband would come in and try to scare her into doing the non-existent return.

“Ones that do not concede to liars,” Iris snapped back with more bravado than she actually felt. “The rules are clear, and I do not appreciate your immaturity with the situation; I am a grown woman, there is no need to call me a brat, sir.”

“Clearly there is! You’re supposed to please your customers, you think I’ll ever come back here?”

“The best thing about being the manager here is that the owner has assured me that I can refuse service to anyone that I want. I assure you, sir, I do not want you or your wife to ever come back.” Iris’s tone stayed level and calm the entire time she was speaking, not once raising to the point that it could be considered yelling.

Beneath the counter, Iris subtly slipped off the metal bracelet that she wore around her wrist with the keys she needed for the different locks within the store. When unclipped, it was four inches of metal that held four full sized keys on the end of it. She was not opposed to swinging it at the man’s face if he tried anything.

His face was red by the time she finished speaking, his jaw locked tight as he fixed a glare on Iris that she was sure was supposed to scare her into relenting. “Now, I will have to ask that you leave this store before I am forced to call the authorities and have you escorted out.”

Standing behind the display, Jessica was watching the entire thing with wide eyes and a jaw close to dropping. Her manager, tiny little five foot Iris that was about one hundred pounds soaking wet, was holding her ground against a six foot tall man that looked like he could throw her with one hand. Her voice had wavered in the beginning, but then she had successfully collected herself and was able to keep her composure.

“You go ahead and call them, but I am getting my refund!” the man roared, reaching toward the buttons on the register to Iris’s right—which was rather stupid, since none of them would open the register unless Iris actually unlocked it first.

Similar to what she had done with Luke in the grocery store, Iris reached out and swung her chain of keys down onto the back of his hand, the man hadn’t even been able to hit a single button before he was recoiling in shock at the sharp pain that accompanied her attack. “This will be your final warning,” she almost growled out, her free hand poised over the phone.

Majority of the employees here were woman, so the police were on speed-dial just in case ‘911’ would take too long.

“You fucking cun-”

He never got the chance to finish what he was saying before he was suddenly slammed down onto the counter, drawing a startled yelp from both Iris and Jessica as the women leapt backward from the sudden action. A pale hand was holding the wanna-be robber by the back of his neck, pressing his face into the polished counter with considerable force, the other hand keeping the man’s arm tight behind his back in a very uncomfortable looking angle.

“That is not how you speak to a lady, and it’s especially not how you speak to mine.”

Iris damn near choked on air when she heard the familiar voice, this time with a more average American accent, and looked up the pale arms that had the sleeves rolled up to the elbow, a sweatshirt left unzipped to expose an average undershirt and a necklace of some kind dipping down beneath the fabric. She stopped breathing entirely when her familiar handwriting was brought to the forefront of her attention. It was in her cursive, so she couldn’t read it from here, but there were many scattered along his forearms and another that shown at his left pectoral.

“What the fuck, man, get off!” the man snarled, though he was still useless to fight against the newest soulmate for Iris to meet. Had it not been for the lack of accent, she would almost think that it could have been Luke, but that would have been pushing it.

“You don’t talk to people like that, ya hear me?” he demanded while pushing the man’s face down against the counter with more force, getting an uncomfortable groan in response. “Huh?” he pressed again when no verbal response came.

“Alright!”

Nodding in satisfaction, her nameless soulmate hauled the man up from the desk and turned to face him with a hard glare. “You ever come back here and you’ll be dealing with me.” Iris had to strain to hear, but the threat was as clear as day. Then he shoved the man to the side, in the direction of the door he’d come through minutes before, and watched to make sure he left without touching any of the meticulously arranged displays.

Only when he’d ran passed the store windows and disappeared from view did his bark blue eyes turn toward Iris, who had remained silently shocked from the moment he’d first slammed her would-be robber down on the desk. “You alright, doll? He didn’t hurt ya?”

Iris opened her mouth to respond, but no sound came out. She couldn’t even think of forming words as the world suddenly went blurry around her and she could feel the heat in her cheeks as her blood fled from her already pale complexion.

Without a word, she suddenly turned and sat on the nearby desk chair that she used while doing paperwork, the sound of rushing footsteps alerting her to someone behind the desk before Jessica’s terrified face came into view. “Iris!” she called, apparently not for the first time, and reached for the older woman’s face to feel her strikingly cold cheeks.

Another hand against her shoulder, much larger and holding more weight behind it, drew Iris to look to her right with limp neck muscles barely keeping her head up. Barry? No, not Barry. Not Luke.

Who?

“It’s alright, doll, you just take your time,” he assured gently, his tone having changed drastically from when he’d first starting speaking to the other man. Even when he’d addressed Iris, he’d sounded more confident and sure, almost proud of Iris’s defense. Swallowing around a suddenly dry mouth, Iris tipped her head back in an attempt to let some cool air get to her face. She knew that to another it would feel cold with lack of blood, but she felt like she was blushing red as a tomato with how hot her cheeks were.

Suddenly, cool air was blowing against her face gently as Iris took a moment to think through her breaths and bask in the refreshing feeling.

“Iris? You need me to call someone?” a new voice called timidly. It was Sarah, a twenty-one year old woman who had worked for them since she was eighteen. She’d latched onto Iris immediately, since both women were naturally quiet and usually shied away from loud, extraverted situations.

“No,” Iris breathed out softly, beginning to feel better from sitting down a moment. “Thank you, Sarah. I’ll be okay. Do you mind taking over here for a moment, though?” Opening her eyes and looking over to her young coworker, Iris was relieved to see her nodding eagerly and stepping around the counter to take Iris’s spot. “I just need some air. Come get me if you need the keys, alright?” Jessica stopped fanning her with the booklet she’d picked up, stepping back to give Iris room.

“Take your time, okay? We’re perfectly fine on our own for a few minutes.”

Reluctantly agreeing, Iris turned away from the other two and reached out for her new soulmate’s hand to draw him after her, toward the front entrance. The large windows had benches in front of them for the people walking by to sit, so she immediately went for one of those.

Her soulmate followed her willingly, sitting down next to her as Iris settled down on the sun-warmed bench. “You alright, darling?” he asked quietly, keeping his tone gentle as he looked at Iris’s pale, pinched expression.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” she mumbled tiredly, belatedly thinking that she probably should have thought of something better to say to him for first words.

“I’d rather I know what you’re going through than to be somewhere else and left to worry,” he answered easily, reaching out to pull her closer across the small bench. It left her pressed in against his side tightly, the warmth of his body helping her to relax somewhat. “That stuff happen often?”

“No,” she assured immediately, shaking her head before she let it tip to the side and rest her temple against his shoulder. “People don’t usually get so…worked up. When I mention the cops they usually take off running.”

“That guy was an asshole,” he grumbled angrily with a dark expression blanketing his features. It was not an expression she was accustomed to seeing; both Luke and Barry were more upbeat, they didn’t outwardly glare or glower. “You sure you’re alright?”

Her mouth and throat still felt abnormally dry and her heart was racing a bit faster than usual, but she could tell that there was blood returning to her face and her hands weren’t trembling like before. “I’ll be okay. I haven’t had that happen in a long time; just got overwhelmed for a minute.” He nodded in something akin to understanding, reaching up to sooth her hair gently with a gentle, assuring touch. “So, it’d be nice to have a name for my savior?”

He laughed under his breath at her timid tease, nodding in agreement. “That’s true. I’m BT, doll, and I’m damn glad I ignored Barry and came to see you today.”

Iris’s answering smile was shy and she couldn’t help but to silently agree with his words. “I’m glad, too. It scares me to think what might have happened if you hadn’t intervened.” Lowering her eyes, unable to keep looking into the deep blue—they were darker than Luke’s and Barry’s, she hadn’t thought that was possible. Instead, she looked down to where his forearms were left bare from his rolled up sleeves. Her familiar scrawl was looking back at her, especially one mark that was apparently long enough that it wrapped around his wrist three times.

A shorter one on the outside of his forearm was familiar to her; Wow, hello. Her words to Luke made her snort in amusement, reaching forward to trace the black cursive that stood out against BT’s pale skin. “It’s so strange to see my writing on someone else,” she mumbled to herself, aware that he could hear her.

BT leaned away from her suddenly, then proceeded to pull up the side of his sweater and shirt that he was wearing to expose the left side of his torso. I’m sorry you had to see that was written across his side, starting at the base of his ribs and trailing down along to the hem of his pants.

Her lips parted in surprise as she looked at the dark words, repressing the urge to reach out and touch them. Barry and Luke hadn’t outwardly tried to hide their skin or marks from her, but they had worn warmer clothes when she’d met them and therefore had masked any of their marks. BT was the first to wear something that exposed his marks willingly, feeling as though he had nothing to hide.

And to go even further, he had gone ahead and pulled up his shirt to show her the words that she had just spoken to him. She was left trying to not look at the cut of his hip that proved something she’d already assumed—he was incredibly fit.

“I…can’t show you where mine is,” she admitted softly, her cheeks warming with a blush as she remembered where BT’s mark was—curving along her left ribs, following the natural curve that was beneath her left breast.

“Now ya got me curious,” BT teased gently, not wanting to push her too far when she was still clearly shaken from what had happened. His smile softened as he straightened his shirt and shuffled her closer to him again, returning her to her place pressed against his side. “I don’t wanna leave ya here alone; feels wrong after that.”

He motioned with his thumb in the direction that the guy had run off, probably hopping into a car that his wife was still waiting in. “I’m not alone,” Iris argued tiredly. “There’s three other people working today, and it’s just a simple bookstore. Things like that never really happen. I do get the odd person who tries to trick us by bringing in some used book for a return, but that guy was…determined.”

“Is it all girls in there? Because no offense to you all defending yourselves, but I doubt anyone’s gunna be intimidated by four short girls trying not to let him rob the place.”

“We have David in as well,” she assured. “He’s closing today, because I opened the store.”

BT seemed to relax slightly as he nodded in understanding, a thoughtful look on his face as he pondered for a moment. “When do you get off? I’ll come get ya!”

Iris wanted to stop him, to deny him from interrupting his schedule for her, but she already knew that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “I finish at four today; come here around quarter after?”

“You got it, doll.” BT leant forward suddenly to smack a kiss against the side of her head in assurance. “I’ve gotta get going, though. Barry’s already gunna be pissed if he finds out that I came here…well, more like when he finds out. Barry knows freaking everything.”

Iris stood up with BT, already feeling a thousand times better after she’d had some time to get fresh air. “Thanks for your help, BT. I’m definitely glad you came here when you did.” BT grinned broadly before he reached out to snatch her up, pulling her against him abruptly in a near bone-crushing hug. She was jarred for a moment before she returned his embrace and hugged him back, revelling in the warmth that he emitted. “I’ll see you after four.”

She backed away from him reluctantly, smiling shyly as she trailed her hand along the covered mark on his left side. BT smirked back, knowing what she was doing, as he nodded his affirmative. “Sure thing, doll. I’ll be waiting out here for you, a’right?”

“Deal.”

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#Split #Split Movie #Split 2016 #James McAvoy #Barry Split #Barry #Dennis Split #Dennis #Patricia Split #Hedwig Split #Imagine #Fanfiction #Fanfic #Split imagine #Soulmate Imagine #Soulmate AU #Barry/OC #Barry x Reader

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thefandomlesbian · 4 years

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Ship Questions!

Hotch/Reid

Domestic 🥰

(Also, I’m a huge fan of all your writings! Thanks for sharing 💜)

Thank you! ❤️

Sorry, this got pretty long!

1.) If they get married, who proposes?

Aaron does. Spencer is very comfortable not being married ever, and it's Aaron's drive to ensure Jack is in good hands in the event of his death that pushes him toward marriage. Spencer doesn't exactly want a wedding, but he knows Aaron is traditional and it's important to him, so he goes along with it.

2.) What's the wedding like? Who attends?

This could go one of two ways. 1.) They elope to Las Vegas so Diana can attend and invite literally no one else.

Or, more likely, 2.) They throw a BAU wedding in DC. JJ is the maid of honor and Derek is the best man. Rossi walks Spencer down the aisle and Gideon officiates. Rossi cries. Jack is the ring bearer and Henry is the flower girl.

A mostly unfamiliar face shows up, strolling up during the reception after the ceremony while Spencer is talking to Rossi and Derek. Spencer recognizes him first. "I don't want you here."

William is holding a brochure, pointing to where Rossi's name is listed as the father of the groom. "I would've come if you had called."

"I didn't want you to."

"You could've called," he insists. "You didn't have to write me off like this."

Derek goes to intercede, but Rossi catches him by the arm. "Hey, Reid," he says, looking quite mild. "There's one fatherly lesson I haven't taught you yet."

"What's that?" Spencer is confused at this assertion.

"How to throw a right hook."

William is on the floor, Aaron is covering Jack's eyes, Emily is cheering, JJ is trying to drag Spencer away, Gideon is getting Rossi some ice for his hands, and Strauss is pressing the bridge of her nose trying to decide if they can somehow make this a lawsuit for the bureau or if this is going to create more paperwork for her somehow.

Aaron invites a handful of old lawyer friends and Sean, who does reluctantly show up. Spencer invites his professors and teachers and Ethan. Several of them greet him with, "Oh, I haven't seen you in so long! You've gotten so tall!" which yields the question who was that person, and the answer is always, "A professor from my first doctorate."

3.) How many kids do they have?

In most timelines, only Jack. Spencer doesn't have any desire to spread his genes with his sketchy health history, and while Aaron wanted a bigger family with Haley, he knows it wouldn't be fair to do this to another child, the inconsistent hours, the lack of presence, and besides, Jessica wouldn't agree to free childcare for another kid. Spencer is okay with not being a father in the traditional way, and he's still someone who is very important to Jack, not to mention Henry and Hank and (insert baby name because I reject JJ naming her second child Michael).

But there is another timeline where they've discussed it. Spencer wants to be a father, and he tells Aaron that, and they aren't really sure how to proceed—with their line of work and histories, they aren't eligible for adoption. They look into surrogacy, but Spencer again doesn't really care to pass on his genetic material, and Aaron is having a very hard time shaking off his Catholic upbringing that makes him feel super duper icky and weird about something of his growing inside a woman he doesn't actually know that well and then that child being his and not part of her. They're at an impasse when, on a case, there's a break when a woman is found disemboweled in the dumpster while her newborn infant is wrapped in a plastic bag. There is no family after identification. Social services comes to take the baby, and they both feel like maybe this is some sign from the universe and they're missing out. Later that night when neither of them can sleep, Aaron rolls out of bed and calls the social services contact, and the baby is still floating around the office, not having yet found a foster family. So they take her.

It's several years of paperwork as they transition from foster parents to adopted guardians of Haley Diana Hotchner-Reid. Spencer steps down from the BAU to become a research professor full-time, and he finds cures for antibiotic-resistant bacterial illnesses. He invents a vaccine for tuberculosis. He has a routine schedule, so he's available for the kids all the time, and Aaron doesn't have to leave his job to have the family he wants.

4.) Do they have any pets?

Usually, no. Aaron is afraid of dogs. Animals don't like Spencer. Aaron grew up in rural Virginia, so he likes the idea of having horses like he did when he was young, but they don't have anywhere to put a horse or farm animals, and while Spencer fantasizes about having a farm, he thinks horses and cattle up close are terrifying. But occasionally they wind up with a cat, or even two cats if they're adventurous, and Spencer does a lot of research to start appropriate fish husbandry with a giant, well-kept aquarium where he teaches Jack all about how to properly care for fish (ie, goldfish and betas don't go in bowls, no fish go in bowls).

5.) Who's the stricter parent?

Neither of them are all that stern. Aaron doesn't know how to appropriately discipline a child. He knows what not to do, but he isn't sure about alternatives, and whenever Jack acts out of turn, he feels like it's his fault for letting Jack down and letting him experience so much trauma that twisted his ability to process his emotions in a healthy way. Aaron doesn't know how to provide structure and support in a positive way, and he tries, but it's hard.

Spencer also didn't exactly have any good parental role models. He does have the ability to learn everything there is to know about a child's interests through reading, and he does that to make connections. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't and Jack has still graffitied the side of the school building and Aaron is having to pay out damages and is trying very hard not to raise his voice and Spencer is like, "Is this what Ash Ketchum would do?" and Jack responds, "I'm thirteen, I haven't watched Pokemon in five years, grow up." Then they enlist a family counselor.

6.) Who kills the bugs?

Neither have bug fear. Spencer will squish roaches and pest bugs as he finds them. However, he thinks unique bugs are quite interesting, and he doesn't kill ants or spiders or crickets. Instead, he studies them. Spiders he always captures and takes outside. Once, Spencer has a piece of paper and a cup and is working very hard on entrapping a beautiful black widow, and Aaron sees it without realizing what he's doing and mushes it. "Why would you do that? Why would you kill an arachnid? She was protecting our home." After that, Aaron lets Spencer handle all the bugs and doesn't interfere since he never knows which ones deserve to live and which ones don't.

7.) How do they celebrate the holidays?

If someone is hosting a Christmas party, they'll attend, but otherwise, they'll stay inside and decorate the tree as a family. Sean is invited to Christmas dinner; he rarely comes. Jessica and her family go to her parents', and Aaron doesn't want to make Spencer uncomfortable by taking him there, so they avoid such gatherings. They make it special with just the three of them, unless another member or two of the BAU wants to squeeze in. Aaron likes to go to midnight mass, and he usually manages to convince Spencer to sit through it one night of the year.

On Halloween, they all go trick-or-treating together.

Easter is the other day of the year Aaron insists they go to church because, "I am nothing if not a Chreaster Catholic." Aaron takes Jack alone while Spencer stays home and sets up a wild egg hunt somewhere in the city, and when church ends, Aaron brings Jack to look for the eggs. Sometimes the rest of the BAU's kids join in.

For Memorial Day and Fourth of July, Aaron grills. Spencer tries once and they spend Memorial Day in the ER and Aaron has to buy a new grill. Likewise, they agree Spencer should not come within three feet of any firework materials, including benign sparklers and the like.

8.) Who's more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Aaron likes to get up early to brew Spencer's coffee the way he likes it, warm the house up, and start breakfast. Spencer never asks him to come back because he enjoys having the house warm and breakfast ready when he rolls out of bed. But if Aaron isn't feeling well and Spencer gets out of bed to do those things, it only takes a couple petulant grumbles on Aaron's part to convince Spencer to slide back under the covers.

9.) Who's the better cook?

Aaron is a much better cook. Spencer, to his credit, tries sometimes. But Aaron has a better understanding of how palates work and also how not to set things on fire. Spencer knows cooking is technically just a science, but it's a science that baffles him, he'll admit, like paranormal science or theology.

#hotchreid #aaron hotchner #spencer reid #criminal minds #headcanons

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bishakal · 3 years

Text

Writing Prompts Fluff

1. “Hey–what’re you hiding behind your back?”

2. “Your smile doesn’t just light up a room–it lights up the world.”

3. “All I care about is you.”

4. “God, your eyes are so gorgeous.”

5. “Why are you embarrassed? You’re beautiful, don’t you see that?”

6. “I told you not to trust me in the kitchen! Now it’s going to reek of pasta sauce forever.”

7. “Let’s just stay here–I don’t ever want to move.”

8. “Don’t you dare give me those sex eyes right now! This is a serious situation, here!”

9. “Can you please go sit in another room or something? I can’t concentrate with you around.”

10. “Let me in, please.”

11. “I had a nightmare . . . can I stay with you tonight?”

12. “God, I’m so glad you’re alright.”

13. “Please help–there’s a spider on the wall outside my room and it won’t let me leave.”

14. “Dude–why the hell are you in my room?”

15. “Were you watching me sleep? . . . That’s kinda creepy. But, you’re cute, so I’ll forgive you.”

16. “Ohmygod, I’m in love with an adult man-child.”

17. “I get that you’re taller than me, but does that really require you to steal all the blankets? I’m cold.”

18. “I wanna cuddle but if I touch you I might not be able to stop.”

19. “How did someone like me be lucky enough to end up with someone like you?”

20. “Hey–my eyes are up here, you perv. No, I don’t care that we’re dating–it’s still rude.”

21. “Whoever loses this match has to do the dishes.”

22. “Ugh, do you ever even try cleaning up after yourself? You’re such a slob!”

23. “Why do you always smell so good?”

24. “Uh–why am I wearing your shirt? I think it looks good on me?”

25. “Call me as soon as you get home, okay?”

26. “Hold my hand.”

27. “C’mon–I don’t bite. Not unless you want me to, that is.”

28. “Why are you staring at me like that? It’s just a swimsuit, geez.”

29. “Uh . . . how long were you standing there?”

30. “Don’t judge me–you’re the one who sings Disney songs in the shower!”

31. “You make some really cute noises in your sleep, did you know that?”

32. “I heard you say my name in your sleep.”

33. “Here, lay down. I’ll stay until you feel safe enough for me to go.”

34. “Dude–did you really just throw salt at me? I’m not possessed!”

35. “You’re too good for me.”

36. “Hey–it’s okay. I’m here; I’m safe. And fine–see? Everything’s alright now.”

37. “Ow! What did I do this time?!”

38. “You may be a jerk, but you’re my jerk.”

39. “Stop wandering off! I keep thinking you’ve gotten abducted or something. I swear I’ll put you on a kiddie leash. Don’t tempt me.”

40. “It’s 4am . . . why the hell are you in the closet with a butcher knife? … Right. Well, no more scary movie marathons for you.”

41. “I love you and all, but you’re really stretching your luck right now.”

42. “Aw, c’mon! It’ll be fun; I promise!”

43. “Are you seriously still listening to this song? I was gone for four hours!”

44. “Ohmygod, stop! You’re going to make me pee myself!”

45. “I’m sorry I annoy you . . . but at least I’m cute, right?”

46. “Why are you mad at me? You’re the one who almost stabbed me! I don’t care that I snuck up on you; I almost died!”

47. “That’s it–no more Netflix for you.”

48. “But it’s so cute! … So what if I’m allergic–what does that have to do with anything?”

49. “I will murder you… . Softly. With lots of kisses.”

50. “Ack! Dude–your feet are freezing, keep them away from me!”

51. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you, you understand?”

52. “You really think I’m beautiful?”

53. “Are you jealous? That’s cute.”

54. “There’s only a handful of people in this world that I actually like. You may or may not be one of them.”

55. “So–uh, I’m not really good at this, but … I think I like you . . . like you.”

56. “You seriously need to stop watching sad dog commercials at 3am. You’re an absolute mess; this is ridiculous!”

57. “Hey–don’t you sass me! That’s my job around here!”

58. “If you don’t get away from me with that horrid little creature, I will throat punch you.”

59. “You really have to question me? … So what if I lied? That was one time!”

60. “Oh, God. We broke it–dude, he’s gonna be so pissed! This is all your fault–it was your idea!”

61. “… Is that my underwear?”

62. “I overall hate the human race, but you aren’t too horrible; bearable, at least.”

63. “I didn’t mean to scare you–I thought you’d like being surprised!”

64. “You’re cute, I’ll give you that. But not cute enough to get away with that.”

65. “Look–I hate to tell you, but you deserve the truth… . Your cooking almost killed me last night.”

66. “This is the part where you ask me out and I say yes.”

67. “Really? You made me drive all the way back here just to kill a fucking bug?”

68. “We should get matching tattoos–wouldn’t that be cute?”

69. “Oh, God. We’re one of those couples, aren’t we? Ugh–I hate us!”

70. “I got you something! I remember you mentioning it before … I hope you like it.”

71. “Shut up and kiss me, you idiot.”

72. “I get that you were trying to be romantic, but you nearly burned the house down!”

73. “I may be short, but you could at least try to make kissing you easier!”

74. “I’ve never felt safer than I do in your arms.”

75. “We may be soulmates, but that does not mean you can just waltz in here like you own the place! I could have been naked, or something!”

76. “Oh–this is far from over. I’m going to prank you back so hard you won’t even know what hit you!”

77. “Here–can you put sunscreen on my back for me? Don’t be weird about it!”

78. “I need you. Please, stay.”

79. “Promise me you’ll never leave me. I don’t care if you have to lie.”

80. “Dance with me! C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

81. “What? Oh–I’m sorry, does this outfit bother you?”

82. “If you don’t start getting undressed I may just rip your shirt in half.”

83. “Here–let me show you how to hold that thing before you hurt yourself… Like this, see? It’s easy.”

84. “I may love you, but I will kick your ass if you tempt me to.”

85. “Why are you always right? It’s not fair.”

86. “I have no idea what you just said, but I could listen to you all day.”

87. “What? Sorry–I didn’t hear you. I was too busy getting lost in your eyes… Ow! What?! I was just trying to seduce you!”

88. “You know you don’t have to try so hard with me, right?”

89. “Relax–it’s just me! Not an axe murderer, I promise!”

90. “Did you seriously just climb through my window?”

91. “So, I tried making dinner … keyword there is tried. Let’s just say it didn’t end well, so we’re having takeout tonight.”

92. “Yep–no, you’re never touching the laundry again. You ruined my favourite sweater and nearly flooded the house. Never again.”

93. “Hey–I accidentally cut my hand, I think I need to go to the hospital. Can you drive me? … Why are you looking at me like that? There’s not even that much blood!”

94. “I have something to show you; I think you’ll like it.”

95. “I love you. Never forget that, okay?”

96. “You’re so beautiful words can’t even do you justice.”

97. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter how short or long that is.”

98. “Hey–I’m perfectly average height for my age, thank you very much. You’re the one who’s freakishly tall!”

99. “I’ll catch you–trust me! … So I dropped you one time–we don’t have the time to argue about this!”

100. “I won’t forget just how big of a douche you were, but I may just be able to find it within myself to forgive you.”

FROM @just-another-prompt-blog

#writing prompt #readerinsert #fluff

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certainempatheticturkeymuffin · 3 years

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BOTW Challenge Ideas

So, I made a giant list of botw challenges. They’re under the cut, because trust me, it’s looong.

I might add more, I might not. Didn’t do it on a google doc because google docs look horrible on mobile. Please note that challenge runs are for fun and you don’t need to adhere to these exactly, if you have an idea, or like one of these, but want to tweak it slightly, it’s your game, you should have fun with it. I’m not gonna hunt you down or anything. Anyway, I recommend you give it a look over anyway because I added in-universe justifications for Link acting this way and some of them are funny.

The more indents they have, the more difficult I think they are. Then again, I haven’t attempted all of them, so I don’t really know. Italics are the “rules”, Bold is the name, and normal is the in-universe justification. Idk if Tumblr actually did justice to my formatting, so you may have to ignore this entirely.

This took several hours to make, and several more to put into tumblr, because tumblr hates Quotev’s formatting.

Edit: Formatting is fine, but only for the desktop version :(

Limited Teleportation: Purah dared Link to do it, not thinking that he’d take her seriously. You pick 5 shrines, and those are the only ones you can use to fast travel.

No Teleportation: Fast travel makes Link very queasy, so he’s not going to use it. No fast travel.

Only Foot Travel: Link’s allergic to horses, and fast travel makes him want to throw up, so he’ll stick to the tried and true method of walking and running. No horse, fast travel, or bomb launches.

Random Limited Teleportation: Purah dared him to do it. She has the names of each of the shrines and randomized them, she didn’t think he’d actually do it. Input all the Shrines into a randomizer, the top five are the only ones you can use to fast travel to.

Horse Only: Link loves horses very much. They don’t make him want to throw up, and they’re faster than walking. Sure it may be a hassle to drag them up mountains, but he always has a friend, so it’s fine. No fast travel, get a horse as soon as you can, you must have a horse beside you at all times (excluding the desert or other areas where your horse is literally blocked from entry)

My Best Friend!: Link thinks it’s cruel to have a lot of horses and pay very little attention to them, so he decides to keep one horse so they can be best buddies! You get one horse and it needs to be by your side until you defeat Ganon (once again, excluding the desert), try to keep it alive, you only get one horse and I hear the trip to Malanya will take quite a while without your best friend. (Bonus points if you name the horse Epona) If your horse dies, you must go to Malanya IMMEDIATELY and abandon whatever you were doing. No fast travel! (Teleporting horse is yours to decide though.)

Farmboy: Link and his horse have befriended a wolf! Link decides to officially name it Wolfie, and they’re a trio of best friends! The above, except add the Wolf Link Amiibo to it. Same rules apply, keep them with you at all times unless they are forbidden from entry.

I Do What I Want Old Man!: Link is honestly just doing it to spite the old man for leading him on for so long. The Plateau isn’t even that tall, he can climb down! It was only the fog that made it look scary! No paraglider. That's it. Have fun.

Limited Upgrades: Turns out, the Great Fairies have limited magic, even with him supplying the materials. That’s fine though, He doesn’t want them to waste their magic on him when they need it for themselves. You can only upgrade 3 outfits (9 articles of clothing) though you can upgrade them to their maximum.

Restricted Upgrades: Turns out, he can’t find the last two fairies. He feels bad, but it’s fine, he’ll just restrict his upgrades to repay them. It’s not like they’ll ever find out... You can only upgrade 5 articles of clothing, and only half-way.

No Upgrades: What are Fairy Fountains? Link doesn’t know! He’s too busy looking for memories to chase rumors. Fairy Fountains are not to be used for upgrading clothing.

Limited Clothing: Link thinks the clothes are cool, but he doesn't want to waste money on them when he has a perfectly good doublet and perfectly fine pants. He'll have a backup pair, but anything more is just excessive. You get 2 Armor sets and that's it, you can mix and match, but you can only have 2 pieces of headgear, 2 shirts, and 2 pants.

Small Wardrobe: Several travelers have given him the advice to "pack light" and "only bring as many clothes as you need" but a girl also said that "mixing and matching clothes is the worst thing ever" so he'll play it safe and pack lightly but avoid mixing two different outfits together. They’ve been in this world longer than him, so surely they’re right? You get two clothing sets, no mixing and matching

It's My Favorite Outfit: Several travelers have said to pack lightly, and some even said that it was only worth it to bring the pair of clothes that you wear. Smell apparently doesn't matter if you're a wanderer, which is good to know. You only get one clothing set, and if you plan on getting Vah Naboris, you know which one it'll be.

Birthday Suit: Link doesn't like clothes, they chafe and they get in the way. Underwear are the minimum he needs to be decent apparently, so he can't completely get rid of clothes. Someday though, he'll do it anyway. No clothes. Period. I don't recommend combining this with No Meals.

Restricted Clothing: Link figures that "packing light" would mean that he only has one set of clothes. If he plays it smart, one set is all that he'll need anyway. You only get one headpiece, one shirt, and one pair of pants. Mixing and Matching is allowed

I don't like pants: If he's being honest, Link hates pants. He likes the breeze on his legs and the grass, or rocks or sand or snow, beneath his feet. Pants also restrict his movement more than a loose shirt does. He's far more flexible without pants. You can only wear shirts.

This is my favorite shirt: Link doesn't like pants. He also got attached to one specific shirt. He loves it and he's not changing. Sure, he'll take it off to wash it, but he won't put a different shirt on or anything. You can only wear one shirt. Choose wisely

Aren't I beautiful?: Link doesn't like clothes, but headpieces are fine. A lot of them look really interesting too! People keep saying they'll look better with clothes, but his comfort is more important than looking good to other people. He looks good to himself, and that's all he needs. Only headpieces are allowed.

Safety First: Link doesn't like clothes. They're a waste of time and they feel weird. He doesn't really like headpieces either, well, except for one specific piece. Only one headpiece is allowed. (The name is a reference to Hard Hats.)

Shirtless Chad: Link can admit that he likes the attention when he goes shirtless. He isn't particularly muscular, but he's made more than one person blush, and he counts that as a win. If it means he's less restricted when using his bow or a weapon, well that's just a plus. Become that one buff guy that never wears a shirt. Pants only.

I don't smell!: Link doesn't like shirts, and he doesn't like anything on his head that might pull on his hair or block his vision. Pants were a bit of a compromise, until he realized how painful it was to step on a rock barefooted. Still, only one pair of pants is actually comfortable for him, and he rarely takes them off. One pair of pants, choose wisely.

No Shops: Link...doesn’t like asking for things. It makes him feel stupid or greedy, so when he found out that there was a whole profession where people gave things to you if you asked, he didn’t want anything to do with it. Even if it was technically a trade, it made him feel bad. You're not allowed to purchase anything from any shops or wandering merchants.

No Gifts: The king said not to trust strangers too much, and after his first encounter with the Yiga, he understood why. He doesn’t know if they’d try to poison him or use money to lure him into a false sense of security, but he isn’t going to trust it. He’ll be polite, and then immediately throw it away once their back is turned. He isn’t going to let his guard down. If an NPC gives you something, you ain't allowed to keep it or use it. If that thing is rupees, spend them on bugs and set the bugs free.

No Selling: Link didn’t know you could sell things to the shop owners, and even if he did, he’d feel greedy and stupid for trying to sell a shopkeeper bugs and plants, so he’d probably avoid it anyway. You're not allowed to sell anything to get money, if you want money, win it from a mini game.

Wiser the Miser: Link doesn't like spending rupees, so he doesn't. If he can steal or get something for free, he will. Someone gives him rupees? Their loss. Who needs to buy things when there's a world full of resources? Don’t buy anything. If you want exceptions, like getting into Gerudo Town, it’s your call.

No Selling or Shops: Link doesn’t like stores. They make him uneasy. Enclosed spaces where people ask for your stuff? No thanks. You’re not allowed to buy from shops or merchants, and you’re not allowed to sell anything either.

No Selling, Shops, or Gifts: Link doesn’t trust anything that people give him. Maybe it’s paranoia, but it’s entirely justified. Shops are the same, people asking for his stuff when he has more important things to do than barter. Shops are honestly a waste of time when he can get everything for free, except maybe goat butter. If an NPC gives you something, you must drop it, or, in the case of a food item, use it at full hearts/full stamina and if it has an additional effect you will stand in the middle of an inn and wait for the effect to wear off. You’re also not allowed to sell or buy at shops or from merchants.

No Chef Here: Link can make a good elixir, but he can’t cook and he’s not even going to attempt it. He’ll make do with raw apples and meat and whatever else he can find. He’ll be fine. Elixirs are fine, apples and stuff are fine, cooked food is not.

What's a Cooking Pot?: Link doesn’t know what the giant bowl thing is, so he stays away from it. If people give him stuff to eat or drink, he tends to throw it away, because he’s smart enough not to risk being poisoned. If it requires you to use a cooking pot, you ain't allowed to ingest it. This includes gifts from NPCs because we all know not to take candy from nice strangers

Don't Eat Raw Food!: The king warned Link against eating raw food, so he isn’t taking any chances. If you want to eat something, you need to cook it first.

No Meals: Link doesn't understand why people waste time eating. Nor does he understand the whole hunger thing. Maybe it's a Shrine of Resurrection thing? Essentially, you aren't allowed to eat or drink anything, including elixirs.

I Can't Cook: Link thinks his cooking is pretty good. Sure, he thinks it's weird that people eat Moblin guts and wood, but who is he to judge, he doesn't really know anything, and he hasn't died yet, so it's fine! No elixirs or proper food, only Dubious food and Rock-hard food.

Insomniac: Link wants to sleep, but he can't, not when there're so many things he needs to do. He can sleep after he saves Hyrule. No beds, including the one in your own house.

No meals or inns: Link doesn't need to eat, and it's unsafe to sleep in a room full of strangers. Mipha has his back, and Hylia does too, if he rests, he'll do so where there aren't any strangers or wild animals to stab him in the back. You can only heal via Mipha's Grace, Heart Containers, or buying your own home.

No Meals or Beds: Sleeping wastes time, and he doesn't need to eat. He needs to save Hyrule, and he can relax when that's done. You can only heal via Mipha's Grace and Heart Containers.

No Meals, Beds, or Heart Containers: Link uses all of his Spirit Orbs for Stamina, because anything that makes him faster will also help him save Hyrule faster. He does wonder why Purah freaked out and tried to force him to sleep when he admitted that he hadn't slept since he woke up, or eaten for that matter. Eh, maybe Zelda will know, and the only way he can ask her is if he saves her. Only Mipha's Grace and three hearts, have fun!

Ew: Link refuses to drink elixirs when he knows exactly how they're made. It disgusts him, and he's not letting them anywhere near his mouth. No elixirs/tonics.

Normal Hylian: Link isn't some sort of god, he can't just freeze time in the middle of battle to heal or change his clothes or grab a new weapon. He can only heal or change after a battle and if he breaks his weapon, he can take cover and switch out or he can just use bombs. Like a normal person. No changing clothes or healing during battle, no flurry rushes or bullet time. If you break a weapon, take cover and get a new one, or use bombs.

Actual Normal Hylian: Aside from not being a god, Link also needs to eat and sleep. Sure he can go without for a day or two, but eventually he'll just crash. And whether it's five raw apples or a five course meal, he needs something to eat. He also needs to stay hydrated, but that's what rivers are for. Try to make him sleep in a bed once every three days at least, and make him eat one meal a day (it doesn't have to be cooked, but it is generally preferred). Also, let him go for a swim every once in a while to stay hydrated, because I doubt he's carrying around any water. (This one adds on to the one before it, though not combining them is totally your call!)

Carnivore: Link got messed up in the Shrine of Resurrection, and now he can't digest plants. You can eat it raw or cook it, but you can only eat meat. Inclusion of Elixirs is up to you

Herbivore: Link gets queasy when he has to kill innocent animals, so he's doing fine just eating plants. He refuses to drink Elixirs too, knowing what they're made of. No meat or elixirs.

Liquid-Only Diet: The Shrine of Resurrection messed up and now Link can't ingest solid food, he also happens to be lactose intolerant, so no milk for him. Elixirs only.

No Map: Link doesn't want to waste time climbing the towers, he'll figure it out. Don't get the towers (except the Great Plateau), you have to use your surroundings, get a feel for the land. Use of Minimap, Divine Beast Maps, and Teleportation is Allowed (No Hyrule Castle Map though)

No Map PRO: Link doesn't want to waste time climbing the towers and realistically, he doesn't have a HUD in the corner of his vision telling him where North is. No Map+Pro mode, so have fun with that. You'll be very reliant on Death Mountain and Hyrule Castle. Divine Beast Maps are still allowed

I'm Lost: Link promptly forgot about the fast travel function and he really doesn't want to climb the towers. You can get the shrines, which are recommended for the spirit orbs, but you aren't allowed to teleport and you must be on Pro Mode. Divine Beast Maps are allowed. You can get the towers if you want to waste time, but you won't be looking at the map, so it's not recommended

The Legend of Zelda: Link has no idea where he's going, but he figures he'll be able to figure it out the more time he spends awake. He feels like he's forgotten something though... We're going back to the NES days! No teleportation, no horses, no bomb launches, and absolutely no map! Have fun getting lost just like the good old days where tutorials didn't exist and maps were reserved for dungeons. And, like dungeons, Divine Beasts do have maps and you can in fact use them.

No Retreat!: Link isn't a coward and he's stubborn. He isn't running from a fight even when he probably should. If you hear the battle music, you can't run away.

No Rest for Heroes!: Link doesn't need to sleep and he doesn't really care that it's dangerous at night. He'll beat whatever stupid monster picked a fight in the first place. You can't sleep through the night to avoid monsters, and you must stay and fight if you hear the music. You have bombs if you run out of weapons

I'm Not Failing Again: Link is guilty and angry. He is Hylia's hero, Protector of Hyrule, it's high time he did his job. If you happen to be near a monster, attack it. Monster camp? Destroy it. It doesn't matter if they don't see you. If you see them, you kill them. Simple as that. No intentionally avoiding monsters either. Best paired with No Map, but I'm not your minder.

FOR THE FALLEN!: Link is the Hero of Hyrule and he will do his job. Sure, he has a problem with rushing into battle, but really, what hero didn't? It's essentially the same as I'm not failing again, but you aren't allowed to do Stealth Takedowns, you see a monster, you run in and do melee combat, bows are allowed if you're close range and the battle music is playing.

Boss Hunter: Link doesn't like boss monsters. Taluses especially are literal death traps for travelers. He's sure he'll get a reward too, they're called Boss Monsters for a reason, right? Kill every boss monster in the game.

Lynel Hunter: Link knows they pose a threat to the people of Hyrule. At least you can run away from most boss monsters pretty easily. For the safety of Hyrule, he will kill every single lynel.

Limited Weapon Slots: Link never meets Hestu. No Koroks to expand your weapon or bow slots.

Spears Only: Link didn't feel comfortable using a sword because he felt like he didn't live up to who he used to be. But the claymores and other two handed weapons were bulky, and he was horrible with a bow. And then he found a spear, and he's never regretted grabbing it. The only weapons you can use are spears, no bombs either. Have fun getting a spear in the first place. (The Korok Limitation does not apply to the rest of these unless you want it to)

Elemental Spears Only: Link likes spears, but elemental spears are way better, in every way. He's never going back. Spears Only too easy? Well now you can only use spears that have an elemental effect.

One-handed Weapons Only: Link's muscles have atrophied from the time in the Shrine. He'll have to make do. What it says on the tin, only use one-handed weapons.

One-Handed Swords Only: Link would rather not use a stick, he's been trained with a sword so by Hylia he will use a god dang sword! One-handed swords only.

One-handed Elemental Swords Only: Link hates that he can't handle larger swords because these elemental ones are great. They just seem way harder to come by than the bigger ones. These disappear the further you get in the game, so have fun with that I suppose. Rationing is going to be your best friend.

One-Handed Elemental Weapons Only: Link loves elemental weapons, but he still hasn't built up enough strength to use the big ones, and he wasn't great with spears or the bow, but the Wizzrobe rods are fun too. One-handed too easy for you? Have fun with this. Options are the Wizzrobe wands and the small elemental blades, the further you progress, the less of the weak blades that'll pop up, and the stronger ones are two-handed weapons, so you'll be killing a lot of wizzrobes if you want to keep a good supply.

Rods Only: Link doesn't really like swords or bows, or really any other weapon. He couldn't really pinpoint why. Until he grabbed a wizzrobe's rod. Power that he didn't know he had coursed through him, and he decided that he wasn't using anything but rods from now on. Only use wizzrobe rods. If it's easier, use any weapon until you find your first wizzrobe, whatever works for you.

Boomerangs Only: Link didn't like getting in close, but he also sucked at archery. Then he found his first boomerang. His aim was good and it came back! It didn't break upon impact, it was perfect! Boomerangs only

Two-handed Weapons Only: Link feels inferior to his Before-Calamity Self whenever he wields a one-handed weapon. Because BC Link was trained with a sword, so there's no way Post Calamity Link can ever compare. To get rid of that feeling, Link only uses two handed weapons, weapons that he's pretty sure BC Link was never trained in. Use only two-handed weapons

Claymores Only: The king, upon Link's inquiry, said that he used a royal claymore. In an effort to remember him, and an irrational fear that he'll forget everything again, Link decides to wield a claymore. Even when he finds out the less than stellar parts of the King's personality, he's too used to the claymore to give it up. Claymores only.

Korok Leaves Only: Link doesn't like swords or traditional weapons, and the Wizzrobe's rods are a bit too...hostile? Yeah, hostile. But the Korok Leaf's magic is quieter and more serene. It also seems...familiar, but he can't pinpoint why. It's also pretty hard for him to break, so he's fine with using it to blow opponents away. Korok Leaf Only, have fun beating Ganon, though Dark Beast is impossible with only a Korok Leaf.

Bow Only: Link likes the bow. He likes it very much. Past Link was good with a sword, but Present Link is not Past Link, Past Link is never coming back and Present Link will grow to become his own person. What better way to distance himself from Past Link than to specialize in a weapon that knights rarely use? Bow only

Normal Arrows Only: Link does not like the sensation he gets from using elemental arrows, and really, they are much too expensive, he'll stick to his normal arrows. Bow only, with only normal arrows.

Elemental Arrows Only: Link finds them very effective, and very fun to mess around with. He kind of forgets that boring normal arrows exist. Bow only, only elemental arrows.

Bomb Arrows Only: Link likes explosions, and the ones he gets from bomb arrows are much more satisfying than the ones he gets from plain old bombs. Sure they're expensive, and sure the rain keeps them from exploding, but...really, after being killed and resurrected, he can afford to give into a few whims, right? Bow only, bomb arrows only

Ancient Weapons Only: Robbie said they were more effective, and Link'll be the judge of that. He'll have to scavenge a lot of dead Guardians, but it'll all be worth it for these supposedly more efficient weapons! Ancient Weapons only, go to Robbie's immediately after the Plateau, I don’t think you actually need the quest, until then, all weapons are allowed

Master Sword Only: Fi is calling out to him, and Link will get to her as quickly as possible. Get thirteen hearts without weapons or using bombs as weapons, then go straight to the Great Hyrule Forest to retrieve Fi. Fi is the only weapon you're allowed to use as a weapon. Other weapons can be used to cut down trees and such, but if they damage a living creature or a monster, then you must reload your previous save.

Trial of the Sword: Fi is weak, and Link hates seeing her like that, so he wants to help her as quickly as possible. It shouldn't be hard for a chosen hero, right? It’s essentially the above challenge, but you also do the Trial of the Sword immediately after getting Fi. Weapon rule is obviously exempt for the duration of the Trial.

Wooden Weapons Only: Link doesn't like the sound of clanging metal. He only uses wooden shields, bows, and weapons. He doesn't care if it makes Death Mountain difficult, his poor ears don't like the sound. Only use wooden weapons, shields, and bows, if it attracts lightning, it's not allowed. Korok leaves or other non-metal but still non-wood items are also banned.

Metal Weapons Only: Link doesn't like splinters, he'd rather be a lightning rod. He also doesn't really trust the durability of wooden weapons, so he'll avoid them like the plague and use only metal shields, weapons, and bows. Only metal weapons, shields, and bows are allowed, if it attracts lightning, it's good to go.

Nuzlocke: Turns out, Link forgets how to use weapons once he breaks them. It's an annoying little quirk that means Link can only use each weapon once. You break a stick? You can't use another stick for the rest of the game, same goes for all weapons, bows, and shields.

The Moon's Curse: Every Blood Moon, Link loses all of his weapons, shields, bows, food, elixirs, and items. He only keeps his clothes and the special items. Link thinks it's Ganon trying to stall his inevitable defeat. Every Blood Moon, clean out your inventory, your hands must be empty, whether or not you count clothing is up to you, and you can eat meals to get rid of them.

Tech Mage: Link....has forgotten how to use weapons. It's a bit unfortunate but the king told him to collect the runes for a reason right? And the Wizzrobes' rods just need to be waved around, no training needed, so he'll be fine! Runes and Rods only.

Techie: Link...doesn’t really know how to use weapons, which makes it hard to kill anything. But, he does know how to use the runes. He did just learn how to after all. He doesn’t...really need weapons...right? Runes only, no weapons, shields, or bows. Well, allowance of shields can be personal preference, since Guardians will probably be a nuisance until you get Daruk’s Protection, if you allow use of the DB Powers.

No Shields: Link finds them bulky and useless, he'll just go without. Simple as that, no shields.

Fragile: Link doesn't really find the need for heart containers when he's mostly running around. Besides, it's just more incentive to get better at fighting. No Extra Heart Containers. Divine Beast Heart Containers can either be kept or traded in for stamina at the Hateno statue.

Asthma: Link can deal with not being able to run for long periods of time. What he can't deal with is how fragile he is. If he hadn't had that fairy, the Moblin would've killed him in one hit! No, he needs to be way more durable than he is now. No Extra Stamina Wheels.

I Don’t Need A Goddess’s Help: Link looked at the statue once, and saw it as a waste of time to pray. He's failed once, he doesn't need a goddess's help to do what previous heroes did alone and on their first try. No praying to statues, so no extra Heart Containers or Stamina Wheels.

Zero Deaths: Link isn't immortal, Mipha's magic isn't as powerful, and fairies don't work on him after the Shrine of Resurrection, so Link has to be careful. He won't get a third chance if he dies again. Disable Mipha's Grace and don't collect fairies. If you die, it's over. Ganon wins.

Sorry, Your Gifts are Worthless: Link appreciates the thought behind the champions giving him their powers...but he can't actually use them. He's not a trained medium or anything, and he needs to communicate with them to make the powers work....soooo.... Don't use the divine beast powers.

I'll Be Quick: Link never got the memo that he was supposed to help the Divine Beasts, but, well, Zelda was alive and the champions aren't, and the only one actually causing any immediately dangerous issues was Vah Ruta, but the Zora will be fine, they're fish people. Defeat Ganon without the Divine Beasts.

Time for Fun: Link is bored, then he remembers all the mini-games around Hyrule. Get the best score on all the mini games.

Photogenic: Link likes taking pictures and getting information for things. It's a fun pass-time that also helps out Symin and Purah. Take a picture of everything, it doesn't matter if you fill your compendium, but you must take a picture if you see something new (obviously only starts once you get the camera rune)

Everything Breaks: Link finds breaking things fun, and if it keeps him sane, might as well indulge his urges. Make a list of all the breakable items in the game, and then break every single one. Maybe you'll defeat Ganon, maybe not. Vandalism is more important.

Economist: Link doesn't really know how to hunt, or which fruits are safe, so he collects things, sells them, and proceeds to buy things that he knows are safe. He buys all his clothing and food, weapons are perhaps the only things he can get for himself. He helps out NPCs too, on the off chance that they'll give him something. Once a city boy, always a city boy. If you pick it up in the wild, you can't use it unless it's a weapon. Sell everything you pick up, and instead buy all your food and clothing. Elixirs too. If you have a picture of a recipe from the stables, you can use those, but only those.

Eventide Challenge: Link is a bit of a completionist, but he also hates back-tracking, so, using the towers as a measure of his progress, he decides to do everything he can in one region before going to the next. You do all you can in one region, or as much as you feel like doing anyway, then you collect the next tower and get rid of all your food, weapons, shields, bows, meals, and clothes. You must make your way directly to the tower if you leave the region, collecting shrines or fighting monsters before collecting the tower is sort of cheating. (You can decide for yourself if previous regions are off limits or not. If they are, I recommend planning out which region would leave you in the best position for Ganon. If not, just have fun!)

Reverse Dungeon Order: Link expected the Divine Beasts to get harder as he progressed, but they got...way easier... Vah Naboris, Vah Ruta, Vah Rudania, Vah Medoh (people say Rudania is the easiest, and I can't even get past the puzzles, so...maybe Fireblight is easier, but Rudania kills me via my unintelligence and I did Vah Medoh in less than five minutes, just go for the hardest ones first and the easiest one last, since I guarantee someone found Vah Medoh to be challenging and Vah Naboris easy. This one is probably the most customizable.)

I'm Not A Hoarder!: Link doesn't like using his resources, because he might need them later and it's such a bother to backtrack and get more if he runs out. He collects things because he might need them later. And really, it's better safe than sorry. You see something, you pick it up. Don't sell anything, try to eat or use as little of it as possible, actively seek out more rupees via mini games.

I may have a problem: Link acknowledges that it isn't exactly normal to have so much of everything, and to immediately restock upon using some, but...he can't stop. Max out all your inventory space. 999 of everything. Max out your rupees while you're at it.

I'm Actually Not A Hoarder: Link doesn't see the value in wasting time picking up useless crap. He has bombs, and he doesn't need to eat, he'll be fine. Don't pick something up if you don't intend to use it immediately. Keep your inventory as sparse as possible. Only collect rupees if you intend to use them for something.

Speedrun: Link has a task he needs to get done, and he needs to do it quickly. Pick a speedrun category and do it. Don't compare to the world record, compare your time to your previous times and measure your progress that way. World record doesn't matter, only having fun does.

Where does this go again?: Link is currently in a pickle and has no idea where the blue flame is. He found one in Akkala and decided that it was the one Purah was talking about. He couldn't find it again when Robbie asked, but he did find the one in Hateno, so he used that one. Use the Hateno Blue Flame for the Akkala Lab, and the Akkala Blue Flame for the Hateno lab.

Impaired Senses: There has to be some consequences for resurrecting, and only losing his memories is a very light consequence. A blindfold is the most obvious one, though you can also turn off sound, which still has a little bit of impact, though it isn't as drastic.

Auto Saves Only: Link is subject to the whims of the goddesses. What it says on the tin, no manual saving for you!

Hunger Games: Link has the rules of the game outlined to him by a goddess. He can do nothing but submit, fearing her wrath. Pretend that towns and stables don't exist (avoid them like the plague), Master Mode, Only Foot Travel, the only time you enter a village is if you intend on completing the Divine Beasts and/or Memories for Impa. If you see an NPC don't interact, only wear clothing sets without set bonuses or special effects, if you see a Yiga, kill them, the Yiga are the only NPCs (aside from the Main Story NPCs) that you are allowed to interact with. Interacting with Koroks and Great Fairies is fine. Every blood moon, you choose one tab at random and completely empty it (special items tab doesn't count, Master Sword and Hylian Shield are exempt from this), and every time you collect a tower you can scan an amiibo, try to ration them.

Pacifist: Link doesn't like killing. Never has, never will, and he avoids fights like the plague. There's no need for excessive loss of life, he'll defeat Ganon and save the Champions, but that's it. Only kill the blights and Ganon and any other mandatory fights for the true ending (Like, I think Kohga is mandatory.)

I'll use this until it breaks!: Link doesn't see the need to stockpile weapons, not when almost anything can be used as one. He'll be fine. Essentially, you pick up the first weapon you see, you use only that weapon until it breaks, when it breaks you, again, pick up the first weapon you see, rinse and repeat. Master Sword is allowed, since Ganon’s going to suck without it.

100%: Link is going to do everything. He has no memories, and he's been dropped in this giant world. He's doing everything and nothing will stop him. You know exactly what this entails and I don't recommend it unless you're speedrunning, and even then, it's a bad idea.

Don't get hit: Link's stubborn, he doesn't like getting hurt, so he won't. Take no damage, even a quarter of a heart means you failed. Doesn't matter if it's a golden heart or not.

#botw #breath of the wild #challenge #botw challenges #spice up your game #have fun #just for fun #legend of zelda #loz #loz breath of the wild

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mydorkycreations · 3 years

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hey hey hey, so for that ask game: in pre-relationship, 2, , 5, 6 ; in general, 5 ; in love, 6, 7 ; and in domestic life, 4, 6, 7, 9 for hiroki and aaron? (and / or forest and winter, if you’d rather!)

Hiroki/Aaron

Pre-relationship:

2. What was their first impression of each other?-- Hiroki thought Aaron was a ridiculously cute ginger man, and Aaron thought Hiroki was a pretty (but outrageously drunk) customer who tried to tip him $50 as an apology for being drunk and having a bad hair day, as if that’s the worst thing he’s seen delivering pizzas

5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?-- Not really? Their pre-relationship was practically just two people mutually thinking the other is nice to look at, so there wasn’t a ton to really resist there

6. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?-- I think they’d both be pretty surprised jaklsdfjskl. Like especially since they started out so casually, it would be a shock

General:

5. What’s their height difference? Age difference?-- They have both jskfklsjfs. Hiroki is around 27 and Aaron is around 23, but Aaron’s like 6′ and Hiroki’s like 5′4″

Love:

6. Who’s the big and little spoon?-- Depends on their mood, but Aaron is the big spoon more often

7. What are their favorite things to do together?-- Stargazing, doing quiet/calming things in each others’ presence, try to destroy each other playing video games

Domestic life:

4. Do they have any pets?-- Of course they have the most beautiful princess Peanut Butter! Later on in life they also get dogs

6. Who worries the most?-- Hiroki

7. Who kills the bugs in the house?-- Either (on occasions PB doesn’t hunt the bug and leave its mangled corpse on their bed while they’re sleeping as a present. Bugs are not generally an issue)

9. Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?-- Aaron

Winter/Forest

Pre-relationship:

2. What was their first impression of each other?-- Forest thought that Winter was gorgeous and intriguing, Winter thought that Forest was an ass

5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?-- Winter did ksljfklsdjfskld. Forest was after his man almost immediately though it’s a hilarious thing to watch

6. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?-- Forest would be elated, but I’m pretty sure Winter would laugh in your face. He has ~better taste than that~ (no he doesn’t)

General:

5. What’s their height difference? Age difference?-- Forest is probably a good two feet taller than Winter (unless you count the wings). Age is more of a nebulous thing in the magical realm and doesn’t really matter that much, but Winter is definitely younger in the sense of how long they’ve existed in their current forms

Love:

6. Who’s the big and little spoon?-- Winter is big spoon no contest. He likes to hold the Tall Plant Bastard

7. What are their favorite things to do together?-- Be petty assholes drink wine and judge people just kinda chat with each other and exist together

Domestic life:

4. Do they have any pets?-- No. Well, Candace has a rabbit, but that’s hers not Winter’s

6. Who worries the most?-- Winter

7. Who kills the bugs in the house?-- Winter. Forest will either leave them be or refuse to go near it and have Winter kill it if it’s something that’ll like, you know, eat him because he’s a plant

9. Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?-- Winter, but not for sleeping ifyougetwhatI’msaying ;)

#from ask game #ship things #Winter/Forest #Hiroki/Aaron #i'd almost forgotten how much fun i have with oc ask games jfkslfjksdljfksld

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halcyonmusings · 4 years

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eris x teague for the ship ask, please 💕👽

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

How did they first meet?

Teague gets invited to the Golden Gato by other overseers which LOL but Teague wanted to fit in and not give away anything of his ulterior motives. He literally chose Eris because he thought she was the prettiest girl.

What was their first impression of each other?

Eris was taken aback at an overseer being at the Gato and she thought he looked bored/mildly uncomfortable while he was being pressured into picking a girl. Then when she took him to her room he stayed several feet away from her and didn’t attempt to make any moves on her which she weirdly liked lmao. Teague like I mentioned just thought she was very pretty but beyond that he didn’t think much of her and didn’t really want to talk to her at first until he made small talk with her and thought she was clever/funny.

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

No one really knew.. I mean the girls at the cat had inklings but they didn’t talk about it. They did tease Teague when he’d visit by saying “Let me guess, you’re here for Eris? ;)” Other than that no one had expressed for them to not be together.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

Eris.... dumb hoe. It happened after Teague had been taken to his bdsm trap at the square but of course Eris didn’t know that. When he returned after he’d been rescued, she Knew that there was something more because if it had been anyone else she wouldn’t have cared if they came back, but with Teague, she’d been relieved to see that he returned to her, so from there her feelings for him grew.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Eris did mainly due to her not wanting to get close to any of her clients. Teague just buried the feelings deep down knowing there couldn’t be anything more between them.

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Teague would ignore it, Eris would believe it.

GENERAL

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

Teague did, but it was kinda funny the way he asked. Mainly due to her being a courtesan, so she did have clients... but he was like “Could you.. ask for clients that don’t sleep with you?” and was like “That’s how I get paid....?” so she had to get clients who asked for massages or like footjobs idk it was pretty funny though

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

They can’t really date, but he did take her out once on a walk around the Cat.. nothing eventful lmao but Eris had a nice time getting to be out of the cat and have a conversation with Teague with their clothes on, so.

What was their first kiss like?

Eris kissed Teague when they first met. He’d been acting standoffish with her and she kept getting close to him and asked him if he’d ever been with a courtesan before. He told her no and that he had no interest. She was gonna give him a kiss on the cheek but when he’d seen her coming close to her he was going to ask what she was doing, but the movement of turning to see her made her kiss him on the lips but she went all in. Teague got a boner from it and ran off rhfkjlfjflf

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

I’d say this was Teague’s first relationship where he genuinely cared for his partner and fell deeply in love with.

What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Eris is 5′8″ and... I’m not sure how tall Teague is... I’ll say 5′11″, so there’s not much of a height difference there. I wanna say Teague’s in his late 30s - early 40s... Eris is 27 or 28 when dh happens so.... go grandpa ig........

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

They never met each other’s families, except for Teague meeting Clara, but they both like each other.

Who takes the lead in social situations?

Teague.......... Eris loses her temper very quickly and she’s not very social. Teague’s the charmer who gets everyone’s attention if he wants it.

Who gets jealous easier?

TEAGUE HJFKLGHJGKLG he tries not to be, but he’ll see someone flirting with Eris or he’ll hear her laugh and he’ll be like >:( HMPH and be passive aggressive towards her when they’re together.

LOVE

Who said “I love you” first?

Eris... she did write it in a letter to him, but when he came to get her, she asked him if he read her letter. He told her no, so she got mad and then just told him right there.

What are their primary love languages?

Just knowing each other’s routines, what ticks the other off, remembering what the other likes.. for example Eris will make him food and be like “I remembered you mentioning you liking this before, so I made it for you.”

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

In the beginning, they wouldn’t be affectionate in public, but once they’re living in Karnaca they’re almost always holding hands or he’ll kiss her at random times when they’re out for their walks around the docks.

What are their favorite things to do together?

Cooking, slow dancing, Teague reading while Eris plays the piano.

Who’s better at comforting the other?

Teague. When she’s upset, he’ll let her vent about her problems, listen to her, sometimes offer advice. Rarer times when she cries, he’ll stay at her side and not leave.

Who’s more protective?

Teague. When he becomes high overseer, he sends a few guards to keep an eye on her and report to him if anyone tries anything on her.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Physical.... Eris is a hoe for it.. literally eheheuheuehueheuhe but yeah, she likes to kiss or be kissed, to be held, holding hands, all that stuff. After meeting Eris, Teague’s become a fan of physical affection, the man cannot get enough of it.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

cinnamon girl by ldr, always forever by the cults, cocoa hooves by glass animals

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

Eris likes to call Teague “darling” and Teague calls her “my love” every so often 🤮

DOMESTIC LIFE

If they get married, who proposes?

Teague proposes. He says it when he comes back for her after the lighthouse event. He rushes in to the cat to see her and he’s like “come with me, let’s get out of dunwall, we’ll get married, have children, grow old and forget about this place” and Eris is like “You wanna marry me? :’)” idiot!!!!!!!!!!! so yeah

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

It’s a private wedding tbh. Clara and Mateo are there though.

How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

They do have two kids, but one is from a previous relationship, so technically they’ve got one together. Funny enough Mateo acts more like Teague. Mateo and Callum are four years apart but they’re really close and are always found together. Mateo uses his charm to get out of trouble, while Callum is a little more chaotic, but at the end of the day he’s a mama’s boy :^)

Do they have any pets?

No.. but Mateo and Callum find a hound who they name “Lux” and sneak out to feed him late at night. Teague knows about it, but he doesn’t tell Eris.

Who’s the stricter parent?

Eris, but she’s not that strict. Teague’s just a little more lax when it comes to either of the boys misbehaving unlike Eris, but she hates getting after them. Callum fortunately listens to her and doesn’t like to upset her. Though he and Mateo know to go to Teague when they want to get away with something.

Who kills the bugs in the house?

Teague, but if he’s not around, she’ll do it. Sometimes she’ll get Callum to do it for her.

How do they celebrate holidays?

Eris likes to go big, she’ll decorate their house very extravagantly. does that universe have holidays? maybe... idr i know there’s the fugue feast but you know.................. yeah. w/e they celebrate whatever holidays there are.

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Eris. Teague is always up earlier than she is, but she’ll reach around to find him in bed and when she doesn’t she’ll get up to look for him and be like “come back to bed :(” and 9 times out of 10, he will.

Who’s the better cook?

Eris, but she doesn’t like to cook unless he or the boys help her out.

#roberthouses #asks #WHEW....#this took a while but i will never tire of talking about my original clowns!#thank you naomi!!

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rebellect-writes · 4 years

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[SIZE=1][b]Name:[/b] Jess. [b]Age:[/b] Old enough that I'm getting tired of answering this. [b]How did you find us?:[/b] I took a trip into Hell and found you.

[b]Name:[/b] Lazarus Donovan [b]Nicknames & Aliases:[/b] Laz will do. [b]Age:[/b] 40. Though he looks 35. [b]Date of Birth:[/b] May 28th 1971. [b]Gender:[/b] Male. [b]Sexual Orientation:[/b] Questionable. [b]Occupation:[/b] Jack of all trades, that, and he's Twist's hound.

[b]Animal Species:[/b] WereDog. [b]Animal Description: [/b] [IMG]http://breederinfocenter.com/images2/20061111213659_074529_1.jpg[/IMG][LIST]For a supposed medium sized breed of dog, Lazarus’ canine half is actually quite big compared to some dogs and still not the biggest mutt on the block. He stands at 26 inches at the withers, and weighs in at 90lbs of streamlined muscle that can make some humans cringe in fear. From the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail; he’s 5 feet and 4 inches so it’s easy to get scared. He’s not a long coated German shepherd dog at all, though the thick black and tan fur would make you think so. Screw your pure blacks and your pure white variations; he loves his dog form the way it is. It makes it easier to blend in with some working dogs as the breed is generally used for labour. [/LIST][b]Do you have a hybrid/alpha form?:[/b] [URL=http://browse.deviantart.com/?q=Weredog&order=9&offset=96#/d2lw0fb]Scooby Snack? Yeah!... You idiot.[/URL][LIST]Of course he has an alpha form; it was practically beaten into him. Standing roughly at 6’11, and weighing in at 250lbs, Lazarus isn’t that much bigger in this form. Of course he’s a bit menacing but that’s a good thing – so he thinks – and isn’t something that anyone should want to meet in a dark alley in the middle of the night. Laz retains his black and tan markings in this form, though his fur is only a little thinner in this form then his full dog form. He looks like he’s a dog that can walk quiet comfortable on his hind legs really, with cone like ears, a muzzle packed full of fangs and hands with curved claws and a brush like tail. [/LIST][b]Rank:[/b] Rogue. [b]How long has your character been a lycanthrope?:[/b] All his life. [b]Mindset:[/b] Dominant. [b]Power level:[/b] Beta by choice (hides his alpha status).

[b]Face Claim:[/b] Josh Holloway. [b]Description:[/b] [IMG]http://i672.photobucket.com/albums/vv90/bloodwillout/app%20pics/600full-josh-holloway.png[/IMG][LIST]Lazarus is 6’1 inches tall in his human form; he’s pretty average in the height department which is fine with him. He’s your average kind of guy in all honesty, he’s used to hard graft so he’s pretty toned, Lazarus only weighs in at a simply 200lbs even if he doesn’t look like it, and most of the weight’s packed away in muscles. With pale green eyes that darken considerably when he’s angry, the shaggy cut of dirty blond hair, and dusting of stubble finish off his rugged look quite nicely. Some day’s he clips his hair back, sometimes he forgets to shave. It’s not something he really pays attention to.

Does a sense of style matter, really? Well if you insist on it. Laz doesn’t like clothes and he doesn’t exactly hate them either. He’d be much more comfortable lounging about in a pair of jeans and a loose shirt than a suit – though that doesn’t mean he doesn’t look smart when he dresses up! He just needs to be poked and prodded hard to do so -, so his style doesn’t differ from torn and shredded jeans, open dress shirts and t-shirts and a pair of boots. Jewellery and tattoos now eh? Well he does wear the odd pendant or handmade wrist band. It’s just a matter of practicality most days. [/LIST][b]Special Skills:[/b][LIST]Gee, you mean all those street smarts have gone for nothing? Shame. Other than that, he's good staying under the radar as a dog. Also, this is pretty important becuase not everyone can be as cool as he is. He’s a full blown animal servant, meaning that from the first mark he became less breakable and susceptible to vampire mind tricks. From the second mark, gave Mordichai the ability to draw power from him and taste food and drink through Lazarus. The third mark gave them both the ability to communicate telepathically with each other but only when his Master is awake. The forth mark gave him immortality by drinking his masters blood, better mental stabilisation/communication with his master and the ability to draw on Mordichai’s strength. Oh the perks of his job! [/LIST][b]Personality:[/b][LIST]Lazarusarus is a firm believer in ‘survival of the fittest’, that being said, he’s got a sort of soft spot for weaker dogs. He won’t actively help them, but he will keep other folks from breaking people even more if he can see that the ‘underdog’ can pull themselves through whatever task it is. What can I say? He likes a challenge and if he sees one, he’ll prod at it but, he’ll likely lose interest and go about his business after awhile. Idiots have little appeal to him. He’s a smart man, intelligent so he won’t rush into things from the word go. He’ll exploit weaknesses that he can find for his (and the his Master’s) own benefit if he can, and if he can’t, he knows when to cut his losses. Sure Lazarus can charm people, smile and joke around, he can also be cocky and egotistical at times, and closed off as well at times.

He loved once, or lusted, he doesn’t know what it was but he thinks its love. Oh sure he’ll deny it if he’s ever asked, but he knows the truth. He won’t open himself up fully to another person again, unless he can help it. Does that mean he’s looking for someone to open up to? Heck no. He’s just going to keep himself apart from people and still be around them. Trust issues is probably what you’d call it, actually, it’s what he’d call it to. The woman that stole his heart earned his trust, but when she left, that hurt him. So, he’s made it a personal mission in life to just not care what people think about him, and as long as they make no trouble that he has to fix, he doesn’t care what people do.

A common thing with Lazarus is, until you can prove yourself to him, you get a nickname. You can bitch and moan and demand that he use your real name, but he’ll stubbornly start making said nicknames worse. It doesn’t mean anything to him really, but dog’s minds are different in some respects. Scents and actions are easier for him to remember then names are. The only acceptation to this rule are the dominants to this dog, he’ll go out of his way to remember their names.

Donovan won’t take an insult lying down; to him that’s like losing an ear or something close to death. Making him sit out of things will make him whine and pout like a toddler deprived of sugar. He may or may not voice his complaints but to people that know him; you’d be able to tell by the tension in the man’s shoulders and the snarky attitude. It’s sort of the same way when he knows he has to submit to someone but doesn’t really want to. He may think he’s bigger and stronger, but if he’s forced into a position that makes him back down, he does it with as little snark as possible and takes off to the pub afterwards, or in the worst case scenario, takes a pocket knife to the inside of his arms to release the tension he feels. He hasn't cut for a long time, since before he was in love even, but it was an old habit and you know how they die don't you?

Lazarus doesn’t think of himself as mad, not in the conventional sense of the term. So he can kill without hesitating, it’s the predator in him, not the human. That and the fact that any good cat is a dead cat, was beaten into him when he was growing up. He’s not afraid to do what must be done to protect what’s his, if it means submitting to someone to get something he wants, he’ll do it. Practicality really when you think about it is something any animal knows. A weakness could get him killed, and he certainly doesn’t want that. He’s not afraid to bleed for a good cause either believe it or not, if a show needs to be put on, he’ll put his name forward and that will be that. Someone called him masochist when he was younger, so maybe that is true.

Marked by the Master vampire, Mordichai, hasn’t changed him much at all. Red (Violent Man) is someone he can relate to in some ways, and he’s pretty fond of that personality when he’s not being a prick trying to scare everyone. Blue (Business Man) is the side that draws out Laz’s more controlled side. He cares when Blue is around. Mordichai’s well being is one that Laz puts before his own. He’ll stop Red at a cost to him if he has to, distracted Blue and anything else that needs doing. The vampire is his master and owner, mind, body and soul. [/LIST][b]Likes:[/b][LIST] [*] Carving figurines and sketching. [*] Reading when he's alone. [*] Playing with his tennis ball when he's in his dog form. [*] When Mordichai isn't bugged by Kiss vampires. [*] Chasing cats in dog form. [*] Sleeping in occasionally. [*] Mordichai's attention. [*] Quiet nights at the Raven. [*] Walking instead of getting in a car or on a bus. [*] A challenge in any form. [/LIST][b]Dislikes:[/b][LIST] [*] Having to suffer idiots on a regular basis. [*] Mordichai's disappointment. [*] Losing his ball. The last time it was under the couch. [*] Kiss vampires poking their noses in where they're not wanted. [*] Humans thinking that they're all that when they aren't. [*] Drunks in the club. [*] Being around other were-dogs for a long time without a reason. [*] A bad horror movie. [*] Rainy nights. [*] Not being able to find someone for Red to kill. [/LIST][b]Strengths:[/b][LIST] [*] Repetitive shifting with little fuss and bother. [*] Doesn't mind being Red's puppet. [*] Partial shifting. [*] Marked all four times. [*] Keeps his eyes and his ears open for anything useful. [/LIST][b]Weaknesses:[/b][LIST] [*] Not catching the change in Mordichai's moods. [*] He's too curious at times. [*] Silver still burns, even if he's a born shapeshifter. [*] He has a bit of a sweet tooth. [*] Won't ever allow his master to hurt a woman under 18. [/LIST][b]History:[/b][LIST]Born back in the cold July of 1971, Lazarus Donovan was pushed into the world by a teenage mother named Aileen in a back alley in East Cork, Ireland. Aileen should’ve told her parents, she should’ve done a lot of things to ensure that the baby would be safe and sound but she didn’t. Instead, she’d hidden it until one day she couldn’t hide any longer, just like she hid that she could shapeshift. Unprepared for everything, the youngster dumped the baby the first she could find that would offer the babe some chance of survival, in the ambulance bay of the CMC (Cork Medical Centre) before fleeing and never looking back. The father was never notified, Aileen didn’t even know his name, didn’t even care about that dog.

The baby was stumbled upon by a human nun of all creatures. The human sister found Lazarus tucked away out of the worst of the cold weather, and heartbroken for the little mite, Sister Magdalena brought him inside to get checked over by one of the clinic doctors. There looked like there was no option for Laz at the time, declared fine by the doctor, the Sister had no choice but to contact the Priest that resided over the parish and go through the appropriate channels to get the baby into a loving home. For some reason Magdalena was protective of the whelp, she wanted to take him home with her and raise him as her own son, but she did not. The only thing she could give him was a name, and that was Lazarus. Lazarus’s earliest childhood memory is that of mean and spiteful nuns with bony fingers prodding and poking. Magda may have given him a name, but she had no say in where he went after she gave him up. During his earlier days in Cork, Lazarus knew one human family in the space of three years. The Donovan’s didn’t have him long, they didn’t even get to call him son and he didn’t get the chance to recognize them as parents before Mrs Donovan’s husband died in a car accident and his ‘mother’ put him back into care before moving to England. Not understanding what was happening around him, the wee lad just carried on like any normal child would.

Bounced around allot over the next few years from home to home and foster group to foster group, Laz finally hit a wall. He’d always know that he was different someway, but he didn’t know how different until one day he was kicking a football around in the park on his own and the next, he was a dog. A bloody big dog too, in his thirteen year old mind. It was his thirteen year old mind that passed it off as a dream the first time, and the second time it happened without his control, but everything fell apart when he hit fifteen. Laz was with his foster sister, Olivia. She was a great girl, pure human and also a strict catholic just like her parents. When she saw him shift, at first it was fun and games, but then she began to grow wary, thinking he was the devils hound and that her brother was unclean. When he shifted back, despite what he said and did, she began to panic and ran home leaving Laz to watch her go.

He could’ve followed, he wanted to, but he didn’t. Instead he shifted and went the other way, running for days and days until his paws bled and he couldn’t go any further. He stuck to the minor roads, out of the way, and never once went near humans. They didn’t understand him, he didn’t even understand himself. Eventually he found himself in Dublin, and he still hadn’t shifted. He wanted to be a dog, to forget the look of horror on Olivia’s face. That didn’t last though, it was perfectly logical for the youngster to want to hide and forget everything that was happening, but it just wasn’t meant to be as he found out a year later. Tearaway teenager Mary found him, scavenging on some scrubland that was passing itself off as a parkway. She coaxed him out with food, and he went to her. A year as a dog is a rough time, Laz had lost weight, forgot a lot of things, almost forgot how to shift back. Once the food was gone, so was he for a few days and they played this cat and mouse game for days, until finally Laz decided to stop running away. She’d proven she wasn’t going to hurt him, and he’d had a lot of time to think about things and what he wanted to do.

Eventually, he found his way back to human form. He had learnt a lot, noticed a lot too. Humans weren’t the only things out there. It was probably what brought him back into the world of the living, but with no money or place to stay, the teenager had to do what was necessary to get going. He stole, lied and cheated his way through the supposed conmen and women stalking Dublin’s shady alleys over the next few years. When he managed to get a place to stay for himself and wasn’t reduced to squatting as a dog, Laz found a job in one of the bars. He always kept an eye on Mary, she knew him as a dog, she didn’t know him as a human though and it was one of those things that he wanted to change. Ok, so he supposed he stalked her for a little while, in a platonic kind of way. It was hard at the time to get his emotions straight between human and canine. The pub he worked in was her regular, and he saw her every night coming and going with strangers. Eventually summoned up the courage to talk to her and she blew him off. Obviously, he’d said something wrong but Laz couldn’t work out what it was, pushing twenty one, he really didn’t need the aggravation of dealing with a woman when he was trying to be normal.

Over the next fourteen years Lazarus made a name for himself. He never had a stable partner; he worked and charmed the people around him. Did good things for the people he considered friends and eventually ended up buying the lease for the pub he worked in. The Kings Head became his little kingdom, a place he could control and do with what he wanted as the world changed outside the front door. The biggest thing that happened in his little life was that the supernatural came out of the closet in the late nineties. However in 2006, the supernatural world was very much a part of day to day life for the thirty five year old hound dog, Laz. He often spent time around other shapeshifters and vampires, he just enjoyed their company and that’s when everything turned upside down. A bar fight broke out, some angry vampire that had stopped in to get out of the rain had been assaulted by humans, two from the local church. More religious fanatics than anything else, they’d had that type in the pub before and they’d always punted them out on their backsides. It was complicated and Laz only remembers a little, just stepping in between a priest and the vampire, a blade punching into his side rather than the vampires. He didn’t even know why he did it; it just felt right to him, like he needed to be there. How was he supposed to know that he’d sparked the vampire’s curiosity with one act? Mordichai dispatched the rest of the rabble that was there, it was bloody and violent and by the end of the night the Kings Head was burning down. Laz didn’t care, the knife had done some serious damage that his body was struggling to heal and he was pretty much out of it.

He was dragged back to a house that Mordichai had rented while he was in the city, the vampire poked and prodded at him and Lazarus did the same back. He quickly found out that the vampire wasn’t just one person but three and he came up with names for each personality. Red, Blue and Mordichai. He must’ve done something right because in the last five years, he’s not wandered away from the vampire – actually, scratch that, he wouldn’t leave the vampire he called master – and his master hasn’t killed him. Supposedly, if Mordichai wanted him dead, then Red put his foot down on that buy giving Lazarus the marks of an animal servant binding the dog and master together for all eternity. That still doesn’t stop Mordichai from skinning him, or something really creative but one thing is for sure, they need each other and that’s that...No matter how much they deny it. [/LIST][/SIZE]

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unfortunate-stranger-losers · 5 years

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It’s the Hard-Knock Life - an ATWQ Modern AU [tumblr] [ao3]

ONE - FIRST IMPRESSIONS (or, how Lemony got Annie banned from the Far East Apartment)

Lemony slumped down at the table, glanced up at the empty chair, and said, “So, like, where the hell is our guardian?”

S. Theodora Markson’s seat, which was always occupied at exactly 9:30am for breakfast (she insisted everyone follow schedule, though not a schedule that would interfere with her sleep), was suspiciously missing a large-haired, vaguely annoyed woman.

Jacques, who was in his chair, as he always was, and was salting his scrambled eggs, as he always was, simply said, “She’s out.”

“She has a life?” Lemony gawked, pushing his bangs out of his eyes. “I thought she just yelled at us, fucked off to the police station for eight hours, and then came back and slept for a hundred years.”

“Don’t be rude, Lemony.” Jacques scolded. “Theodora has given us a home out of the goodness of her-”

“She gets paid to watch us, Jacques.”

“Just because foster parents are paid by the state-”

“That’s why she has us, so she can afford alcohol.”

“She’s not-”

“Oh no? What do you think’s in the locked cabinet under her bed?”

“First of all, why would you know-”

“Lockpicking was the first thing Aunt A taught us, Jacques. I could do that before I learned how to read.”

Jacques took a deep breath. “If you’ve drunk alcohol-”

“Don’t fret, Jacques, it tastes like shit.”

“Lem!”

Thankfully for Lemony, Kit arrived late to breakfast- while not usual, per se, there had been some precedence for it before, if she was caught up in a book or project- and as she tied her hair back into its usual bun, she said, “Hey, shitbirds, when are the new kids arriving?”

“Don’t call us shitbirds, we’re your siblings.” Jacques said.

“What new kids?” Lemony asked.

Kit gave him a look. “Do you pay attention to anything Ms Markson says over dinner?”

“No, I tune out and long for death. Or text Beatrice.”

“Same thing.” Jacques muttered.

Lemony flared. “Just because she’s goth doesn’t mean she’s fueling my depression, asshole.”

“Seriously, you two,” Jacques groaned as Kit grabbed a breakfast bar, which had been left at her spot at the table. “What did Theodora say about language?”

“Fuck that.” Kit sat down, smirking. “Anyway, L, she’s got two new foster kids comin up. Congrats! You’re a big brother! Or maybe little brother still. Depends on how old they are.”

“Two new kids?” Lemony looked upset. “Are we gonna have to share beds?”

“We’ll just have to clear all our clothes off the empty bunk bed.”

“But that’s our closet!”

“The closet is the closet, Lem.” Jacques groaned.

“No, that’s the prison for when Kit pisses me off.”

At the same time, Kit said, “That’s his sulking closet.”

Jacques rolled his eyes. “Well, you better get it cleaned up before they arrive. Theodora said she’d be back after noon, but we better make our own lunch, because she’s treating the kids to McDonald’s or something like that.”

“How come she doesn’t treat us to McDonald’s?” Lemony asked sourly.

“Because you’re a little monster.”

“Okay, fair.” Lemony sighed. “But do I have to clean? I was hoping to go to Beatrice’s.”

“Clean it before the new kids get here or I’m gonna hang you from the window like a clothesline.”

“Okay, geez.”

Lemony and Kit did manage to find room for their clothes in the closet, and Jacques made them clean up a little of the rest of the room, too- books in their proper places, socks in the sock drawer, schoolbooks in their backpacks.

“I don’t see the point.” Lemony sighed, picking apart the grilled cheese Jacques had made them. “They’re moving in with us, they should know what they’re getting into from the get-go.”

“We should make a good first impression, Lem.”

“We should make an accurate first impression.”

“And,” Kit said, glancing at the door, just as the lock began to turn, “First impressions start now.”

She tossed the rest of her sandwich in the trash, grabbed Lemony’s and tossed it, too, and hauled her younger brother to his feet. Jacques jumped up, pushing Lemony’s hair back, as if he could make it more presentable that way.

“Stop being dicks!” Lemony hissed.

The apartment door opened, and Jacques led his siblings from the table, over the small border between the “living room” and kitchen- which, really, were only separated by the kitchen having wood floor and the living area having carpeting- and to the doorway, as S Theodora Markson entered, still untangling her driving helmet from her bushy hair, followed by a tall girl with night-black hair, a green duffel bag slung over her shoulder, and a garbage bag in her other hand. She glanced around at the other kids with a detached disinterest, her eyebrows curved a little like question marks, as a boy followed close behind, only carrying his trashbag. The boy was much smaller, with curly ginger hair, normal eyebrows, and hazel eyes, as opposed to the girl’s green. In other words, they didn’t seem to be related at all.

“Right.” Theodora removed her helmet, tossing it into the corner. “Children, allow me to introduce your new siblings.”

“Foster siblings.” Kit corrected. “They probably won’t even stay long.”

“I won’t.” the girl said.

“Now, now, don’t be rude. Be sensible. Be proper.” S Theodora said. She turned to the Snicket siblings. “Children, these are Jacques, Kit and Lemony Snicket. Snickets, these are Ellington Feint and Drumstick… what was your last name again?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Drumstick sighed.

“What kind of a name is Drumstick?” Lemony asked.

“What kind of a nickname is Lemony?” Drumstick snapped.

“Children!” S Theodora shouted, and Lemony begrudgingly went quiet. “Now, I have to return to work, so, Snickets, I expect you to get the new children settled. No troublemaking, no fights, and I also expect you to go over the rules, so that I won’t be bothered to do it.”

“Of course.” Jacques sighed.

“They’ll be going to school with you, and I expect you to stand up for them. People tend to bully orphans.”

“I’m not an orphan.” Ellington snapped.

“Of course you are, you have no parents. Children, I’ll return in time for dinner. Who’s making it tonight?”

“Me.” Kit said. It was Theodora’s night, but nobody liked her cooking.

“Excellent! Ellington, Drumstick, I’ll see you when I return.”

With that, the woman grabbed her driving helmet, and ducked out.

“Isn’t she lovely?” Kit said. “We’ve had her for the past- how long’s it been, L?”

“Fifteen months, twenty-seven days. Don’t call me L.”

“Right.” Kit said. “We’ve been expecting new kids for a while now-”

“Because Theodora gets paid per kid.” Lemony said, gesturing. “Follow me, our room’s this way.”

“We’re sharing a room?” Drumstick asked nervously.

“Not enough space for more than one kids’ room. Don’t worry, we change in the bathroom.”

“Now, Lemony-” Jacques ran to catch up, as the new children followed him, and Kit fell back to walk by Ellington, “Theodora’s fostering us because she cares about us.”

“Yeah. If we die, she doesn’t get paid.”

“Lemony!” Jacques turned to the others. “I’m sorry about him. He’s a pessimist.”

“He’s realistic.” Kit said under her breath.

“It’s fine, we get it.” Ellington said. “Don’t worry about us, though. I’ve been to twelve foster homes in the last two months, so I don’t expect to stay long.”

“Twelve in two months?” Kit whistled. “How’d you manage that?”

“Kept running away. Plan to continue.”

“Please don’t.” Jacques said, holding open the door to their room. “You could get hurt.”

“And we’ll get in trouble for it.” Kit added.

Ellington walked into the room, scanning it slightly. Then she said, “Kid, you’re staying longer. You want top or bottom bunk?”

“Um…” Drumstick adjusted his hold on his bag. “I’m not great with heights.”

“Well, I am, that works out.” Ellington swung her duffel up onto the top bunk, and then sat down, opening the trashbag. “My shit’s in here, but it probably won’t stay long. Might as well set up my record player, though.”

“Why do you still have a record player?” Lemony asked, sitting on his bed and grabbing his laptop.

“Why do you look like a goth Eddie Kaspbrak?”

“Okay, so, first off,” Kit clapped her hands together, as Drumstick dragged his stuff to the bottom bunk and opened his bag, “Um, Rule One is we’re supposed to try to get along.”

“Keyword being ‘try.’” Lemony said, already loading up Discord in order to tell his associates why he was stuck at home that day.

“Kit, I can go over the rules-” Jacques began.

“No, they won’t listen to you, you’re a little bitch.”

“Excuse me?”

Drumstick flinched, pulling some clothes out of his bag. “Where do I put-”

“That dresser’s empty, unless Kit’s adopted cockroaches again.” Lemony gestured.

Jacques groaned, as Kit said, “Yeah, rule number two, Jacques is our designated bug killer, I’m the designated bug freer. Choose wisely which one you want as your ally. Um, let’s see… you have to be home before 10:00pm every night, breakfast is at 9:30am and if you don’t show up you don’t get food, piss off Ms Markson and you get put on probation- don’t ask, we don’t know what it entails, either, but she can ground us from things we like so watch out for that.”

Drumstick pushed his clothes into a single drawer- he didn’t seem to have very many- and Lemony asked, “Why do you have your stuff in trashbags?”

Drumstick flinched again, and so did Ellington, who was pulling black clothes out to stuff somewhere. Kit and Jacques both shot Lemony angry looks, too.

“Um… it’s the only bags the social services workers had for us.” Drumstick muttered.

“It doesn’t matter.” Ellington said again. “I’m leaving soon as I get the chance.”

“Good luck.” Lemony snorted. “We’re on the thirteenth floor and Theodora keeps the doors locked.”

“Yeah,” Jacques said, “Because someone kept picking the locks and going out for root beer floats.”

“I could’ve jumped onto a train. You’re just lucky my need for food outweighs my need to get as far away from Theodora as I possibly can.” He glanced at his Discord. “Oh, uh, new kids on the block? Jake says hi.”

“I don’t know who that is.” Drumstick said.

“Wait, more rules.” Kit said. “No polka, or Lemony will kill you. Frozen sing-a-longs are mandatory. Snitches get stitches, so if you see me sneak someone in and out-”

“Which won’t happen, because nobody wants to hang out with you, let alone date.” Lemony said.

“Uncalled for.” Kit didn’t even flinch. “Long story short, we don’t snitch on each others’ activities to Ms Markson. You’ll get beat up soon as she leaves.”

“That’s not a rule.” Jacques said, confused.

“It is now. Personal property is just that- personal. Don’t steal our shit, we don’t steal yours. We each swap out dinner-making days but you can probably convince Ms Markson to let you skip that if you suck at cooking.”

“I can make vegan stuff.” Drumstick said, pulling a pair of shoes from his bag and settling them under his bed, and then pulling out another pair.

“Good. That’s a start.” Kit said. “If Lemony sends you a secret message, you hand it over to us.”

“Hey!”

“No poison in the sugar bowl, we’ve already tried that. You can’t skip school or we get in trouble. We will not sit in detention with you, either. Embarrassing stories are to be kept to a minimum. Anything told in the Secrets Closet is secret.”

“What’s the Secrets Closet?” Drumstick asked, while Ellington finished putting her dresses away and scampered up the ladder to her top bunk.

“There’s a closet behind the pantry,” Kit said, “Which is hard to find, so obviously Theodora doesn’t know about it. Anything we tell each other in there is not to be told to anyone, or we’re legally allowed to kill each other.”

“That’s what happened to the last kid.” Lemony said.

“That’s a joke!” Jacques clarified quickly, as Drumstick dropped his fourth pair of shoes in shock. “He’s joking!”

“Sure I am.”

“Oh! Also, Annie is banned in this house.”

Ellington paused. “Annie what?”

“Annie.” Kit said seriously. “The musical, the 1982 film, the 1999 film, the 2014 film, the comic strip, the stage musical sequel-”

“There’s a sequel?” Drumstick asked.

“There’s only one good song.” Kit said. “Anyway, it got banned because of our dickfuck of a baby brother.”

Lemony sighed. “All I did was point at the TV every time Ms Hannigan came onscreen, turn to Theodora and say ‘that’s you.’”

To their surprise, Ellington laughed a little at that. She opened her duffel bag, digging through it. “Good one, Snicket lad. So, why are you here?”

Kit cocked her head to the side. “Pardon?”

“Foster care.” Ellington said. “Is Theodora your aunt or some shit?”

Drumstick paused. “Um, El- Ellington, I don’t know if that’s- is that rude?”

“Don’t care.” she pulled a bag of coffee out of her duffel. “Why you lot here?”

Kit glanced nervously at Jacques, and he cleared his throat. “Well, um, our- our parents died when we were four and Lemony was a baby, and our Grandpa had us for a while, then he went to jail- long story- and we went to our aunt, then her sibling, and then-”

“A lot of places.” Lemony said, glaring down at his screen. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, doesn’t matter.” Kit nodded. “Cause we stick together. We Snicket siblings look after our own.”

“Oh, good for you.” Ellington said, still digging through her bag. “Drum and I aren’t so lucky. Isn’t that right, Drum?”

“Ellington-”

“We’re together in this case cause we were hiding out in the same coffee shop.” Ellington said. “Me from CPS, him from his bastard dad. CPS found us and they just… shoved him with me, I guess.”

“Ellington, we don’t need to go over this.” Drumstick said shakily. “I don’t like being here either, but we need to make the… the best of it.”

“I’m not making the best of anything.” Ellington said. “I’m not an orphan. My Dad’s coming back for me. Or I’ll find him. But he didn’t abandon me and he’s not dead so I’m only here until he comes back.”

They were silent for a good, long while, the four other kids sharing looks.

Then, quietly, Kit said, “Hey, newbs. You wanna see something cool?”

Ellington sighed, while Drumstick slid his last pair of shoes with the rest and said, “What?”

“Come on down here.” Kit said. Hesitantly, Ellington slid down the ladder, and Lemony sighed and shut his laptop. The children grouped in the center of the room, and then Kit stepped back and shut off the lights.

Up, on the ceiling above them, several lights twinkled, sparkling above them; they’d been impossible to see with the lights on, but now they shone down. Drumstick gasped, and even Ellington’s green eyes widened with shock.

“Glow-in-the-dark paint.” Kit smiled. “All of us made some constellations up there. You can add on, if you want. When you want. Gives us a night light.”

“And it’s pretty.” Jacques added.

Ellington hesitated, and then said, “You guys paint?”

“Only a little.” Kit admitted. “But my friend R is an astronomer, so she helped us design the thing. We still need some more stars, though, if you’re up for it.”

Ellington bit her lip and glanced at the ground. Drumstick looked from her to Kit, and then to Lemony and Jacques.

Kit flicked the lights back on, and then said, “Ellie-girl, why don’t you show us some of your records?”

Ellington didn’t meet her eye, but she did shrug. “Sure.”

“And Drum, tell us why you have so many fucking shoes.”

Drumstick smiled a little. “Shoes are an interest of mine.”

“Oh, like my writing.” Lemony said. “And like Jacques’s murder mystery novels and Kit’s engineering, and Theodora’s hair.”

Ellington smiled, and the Snickets were surprised to see that her smile could have meant anything. “Yeah, meant to ask you. What is up with the hair?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.” Lemony smiled. Then, he said, “Oh! Kit, you forgot one more rule.”

“Which one?”

Lemony grinned. “The unlocked liquor cabinet under her bed is totally off-limits.”

Drumstick’s face turned as red as his hair, Ellington let out a real, delighted laugh, and Jacques screamed, “Lemony, you’re thirteen!”

#atwq #all the wrong questions #asoue #a series of unfortunate events #lemony snicket #hard knock life fic #mine #my fanfic #hard knock life au

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trick-and-treaters · 5 years

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An In-Depth Look at Oogie Boogie

Tim Burton has gone on reccord stating that he doesnt think Oogie Boogie is evil, and I’m inclined to believe him. Let me convince you.

So, what are Oogie Boogie’s motivations?

It’s not a silly question, as I’ve found a lot of people seem to miss it. In the extended cut of Oogie Boogie’s song it is expressly stated, and heavily implied everywhere else, that he wants to cook and eat Sandy Claws (and Sally, but that’s incidental)

(The orange stuff is his “snake and spider stew,” and the 8-ball contraption appears to be blender/dicer blades flipped upside down.)

Now here’s an easier question; what is Oogie made of?

“Bugs!” Every person who has ever seen the movie shouts in their head. That’s wrong, but for the sake of simplicity, and me not wanting to write an extra lecture about insects and the like, let’s just say yes. He’s also got some spiders and a snake, and those bats in the rafters could possibly be a part of his hivemind (I don’t have proof of this other than I think it’s weird that they can sing)

So what is he made of, summed up in one word?

Carnivores.

His motivations as presented are fueled by the most basic survival instincts, eating and reproducing.

Yeah.

The thing is, while these things are in his nature, I don’t think “evil” is his nature either.

Let’s compare him to Dr. Finkelstein, the only other character shown to have these traits.

He is the only character we see actively eating (though Barrel licks a lollipop and mentions liking Oogie’s stew), and is also actively seeking a life companion, first in Sally, then in Jewel. He also seems to be the second most organic character to Oogie, with flesh and organs. While he’s mad and a stock evil scientist type, he’s not really evil. He’s antagonistic to Sally through a desire to be less lonely, not just “because.”

So no, I don’t think Oogie is acting out of “evil,” I think he’s just trying to survive in a very difficult situation.

So let’s talk about this “situation.”

Wherever he is, it’s outside of town and buried under a tree. It’s clear he can’t leave, and is imprisoned as a form of punishment for something. Whatever this was, who really knows (not really a fan of the Bug Day thing, but it could apply), but I think he’s suffering more than just imprisonment.

Take a look at the Oogie Boogie puppet from the film;

Notice how much he just sags. Burlap does not naturally fold this way (trust me, I’ve cosplayed 9) unless there’s quite a bit of slack. Also ruling out natural folds is the way his weight falls, specifically his feet— look at how slack and creased they are around the “ankles” compared to his arms. And of course, the floppy part off the top of his head that barely has dimension.

The puppet is 2 feet tall, and the Disney Magic Kingdoms app says he’s about ten feet with 12,000 “bugs” inside. 12,000 bugs... is not a lot, even with the mass that the snake would add.

He’s not full— his “body” is made to hold a lot more than we’re shown.

On top of that, he relies entirely on Lock, Shock and Barrel to bring him food. Who knows how much or how often that is? And while his “bugs” are capable of mass reproducing, you’d think that would be enough to fill him out more.

I think his bugs resort to eating each other. There are spiders in there, and many others will eat other bugs. That’s pretty messed up.

After who knows how long, years, centuries, of this imprisonment, he is desperate. So why does he toy with his victims with torture and gambling? Boredom. Torture devices are just toys to the Halloweentown denizens (the corpse kid and mummy play with a guillotine). He doesn’t know how to really interact with people, so he tries with his gambling games, tortures them because he thinks it’s normal, and eats them because he has to.

So, where does this bring us with how others see him? We don’t have a lot, but I think it’s a lot more complex than at first glance.

The general consensus is that, based on how the Mayor addressed Lock, Shock and Barrel, he and the townspeople are afraid of him. I, however, think he merely meant it about them. Why wouldn’t he? They’re canonically imps (stated in the art book), mischievous fae or demons described as “lively” and of “small stature.” They’re not evil or threatening, they just love to cause chaos and misfortune, which, if you’re in charge of organizing an important event such as a holiday, is the worst possible thing that could befall your tight schedule.

Jack doesn’t even seem to act angry at the thought of him at first, just annoyed. He calls Oogie, in front of several other people with no reaction of the mention, a “no-account;” a person of little importance or use.

Personally, I think this panel from Zero’s Journey says a lot about how the town and Jack sees him;

That’s his grave. Quite the memorium for somebody that is supposedly hated and feared, right? And it’s not even that far away from Zero’s grave!

So, I don’t believe Oogie Boogie is evil or hated, and if the og Nightmare crew ever ever had a hand in content again, I think we’d really see that.

#the nightmare before christmas #oogie boogie #OOC #character analysis

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quicksilversquared · 5 years

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There’s No Camembert in Tibet: Chapter 9

A sequel to Plagg and the Butterfly Costume

With Hawkmoth defeated and school out for the summer, it’s time for Ladybug and Chat Noir plus their newly-assembled team of superheroes to head to Tibet to try to rescue Mrs. Agreste. Hiking, magic, and adventures await them, and hopefully at the end, they’ll be returning to Paris with Mrs. Agreste in tow.

as like normal recently, links will be in the reblog.

Shortly after their early lunch, Chloe heard the most glorious combination of words that ever existed:

"Chloe, I think we should be close enough to the next landmark for you to transform and fly ahead."

(Well, they were the most glorious combination of words on the trip so far, at least. Her standards were a little bit higher- a lot bit higher, actually- at home, where she didn't have to walk until her feet were sore and there wasn't an annoying little floating cat singing some nonsense about Gouda after midnight and cheddar to the dawn.)

Chloe grinned, waving Pollen over. "It's the crack in that cliff way up there, right? I'm on it!"

She transformed in a flash, zipping up and away as fast as she could. Queen Bee let out a happy sigh as her weight lifted off of her poor, abused feet...and as she finally, finally moved out of range of Plagg's awful, awful singing.

How Adrien put up with that kwami, she didn't know. And how he listened to that music- the music that his kwami was clearly creating cheese-themed covers for- well. Hopefully Nino would use the rest of the summer productively to update Adrien's playlists a bit, because otherwise she would have to do that and it would take away time from her hairdresser appointment to even out her haircut and put in a few highlights, and her spa appointments, and the weekly mani-pedis that she was going to have to schedule in order to get off the ugly calluses that she was starting to get from her boots.

Queen Bee peered downwards as she flew forwards, hoping to get a good look at the trail farther ahead. If she could see it from way up above, then it would make it easier to find whatever landmark they were looking for next. But the trail seemed a bit overgrown to start with, and there were oodles of little deer trails all over the place from the herds of antelopes or whatever they were that made it really, really hard to pick out which was the right one.

Well. Maybe she would just go directly to the mountains- they were more like rock fins, really, not mountains at all, not like some of the peaks they had seen over the past however-long-it-had been- and try to find the passage that Mrs. Agreste had described and even tried to illustrate in the notebook. It had worked before, and surely it would work now. All she had to do was some speed sprints along a section of the rocks and she should be able to find the passageway.

Strategy decided, Queen Bee zipped forward, squinting against the wind in her eyes as the once-distant rock features grew closer and closer. It still took a good ten minutes to get there, and then Queen Bee could start her searching. There was just one big problem.

There was a strip of forest at the base of the rocks, thick enough that it was difficult to see down to where the break in the rocks would be most prominent. Queen Bee growled, frustrated.

Why couldn't this ever be easy? Just once, she wanted there to be a landmark that she could see from ages away once she was in the air, so they could just pack up and zip over instead of her having to spend forever searching.

"Maybe I could fly above all of this stuff and find it that way," Queen Bee mused. She flew higher into the air, glad that she could actually fly, unlike Paon, who was stuck with his weird little flutter-leap-glides. The air was maybe getting a little thin as she kept flying higher, but she would get used to it and it would be worth it, Queen Bee was positive.

...as it turned out, the fins of rock turned into an absolute maze behind the rock face. There were little crevices going everywhere, things that might have been the walkway but might not have been, and dead ends and pinch points galore. Queen Bee gave up after a minute of horrified staring and zipped back down to ground level.

Well. So much for that idea. Clearly she would have to actually work for this one. Grumbling a bit, Queen Bee headed back down to search properly.

And search, and search, and search. She couldn't find anything.

Queen Bee zipped back in yet another zig-zag, dipping down between the trees to get closer to the ground and scowling when she didn't spot the crack in the rock that Mrs. Agreste had described in the journal, even after another pass.

That was annoying. Why couldn't Mr. Agreste have just entered the GPS coordinates in his journal like a normal person? Didn't he know that he would have to be able to find the temple again and some ridiculous kiddie treasure hunt instructions- honestly, Queen Bee could remember similar instructions in some of her childhood treasure hunt games (turn to the left; walk twenty steps. Turn to your right and walk ten steps. Face the windows and walk eleven steps. And there's the treasure!)- was not up to the standard she would expect from Mr. Agreste. Or. Mrs. Agreste. Or anyone with the last name Agreste at all.

She would have expected for him to have coordinates for points on the path, at the very least. Maybe even the coordinates for the valley itself, so they could just hire a private helicopter and fly themselves in and out in a matter of only a couple days, or maybe just one day. That would have made for a fun trip.

Grumbling, Queen Bee widened her search. At least she didn't have to hike this. Flying was so much more fun and ages faster. If she turned around, she could see the others still plodding dutifully in a straight line across a meadow, following the faint traces of the trail hidden under long, swaying grass.

A line of shadows caught her eye, and Queen Bee perked up. She headed right for it, dodging between the trees, and let out a little squeal when she saw the crack in the rocks that had eroded into a narrow pass, the trail leading up to it faint but still visible from the air. Smirking just a little (another point for Queen Bee- that had to be a couple hours of hiking, at the VERY least!)- she landed, reaching for her trompado as she did so she could call Master Fu. As soon as she did, though a rustling in the bush made her pause and she turned warily to see what had made the noise, squinting into the gloom of the forest.

A giant rodent face stared back out of the shadows.

Queen Bee screamed, flung her trompo at the face, and took off into the sky without a backwards glance.

Adrien laughed at a joke Nino told, feeling more relaxed and more like himself than he had in weeks as the group of them headed across a field full of tall grass and flowers. Even though he was ages away from home, he wasn't even remotely homesick.

He was among friends, with adults who actually cared about him, and far from the nosy reporters. He had found that he quite liked hiking- and after Chloe's meltdown early on, wasn't he glad that he had spent days clomping up and down the stairs both in his own home and in Marinette's to try to break his boots in a bit before they took off?- and even when his muscles were sore from walking and there were bugs and he was so exhausted that he was falling asleep the moment his head hit the pillow every night, Adrien couldn't make himself hope that the trip would be over too soon. He was just having too much fun.

The field dipped down between several rolling hills and Adrien followed the gentle slope, even as Jade Turtle charted a determinedly straight course along the slide of the hill to follow the proper trail. Marinette's mother sat in the back of his shell among the piled bags, enjoying the gentle breeze and a bit of a break from the walking. Nooroo perched on her head, sunning himself.

Up ahead, they could occasionally spot a flash of yellow as Queen Bee scouted for the crack in the cliffs where they could slip through the rocks to the far side. She didn't seem to be having much luck so far, proving once again why it was a good thing that Jade Turtle was also taking the slower route. It would take longer, but they would make it right to the cliff passage eventually.

"Our legs are going to look amazing after all of this is done," Nino joked, giving his legs a little shake before jogging for a moment to catch up again. After a few days of pain as their legs adjusted to the intense exercise, they were all doing a lot better. "Can we talk about how much I'm looking forward to the being transformed on the way back thing? I can just fly the whole way, practically. Well, jump and glide, at least."

Duusu made an unhappy little noise, shuddering slightly. "Oh, that's going to be awful, being transformed all of the time. It's going to be days of almost nonstop transformation, only eating once per day-!"

"You'll be detransformed at night," Marinette pointed out. "And it'll be two meals, not one. And it'll be faster going back, too, since we can just use the GPS and mostly just take the straightest route back instead of the flattest and most accessible."

"Unless there's a mountain range in the way," Adrien chimed in, because that was definitely a concern in this particular region. "But then we could also just transform and go as fast as we can using the GPS."

The field started giving way to forest as it sloped upwards again, and Plagg zipped away to go scavenge for mushrooms. Adrien couldn't help but let out a small sigh of relief at that- hopefully Plagg would find something he liked, and he would stop nagging Adrien about being hungry all the time and wanting to dip into their stash of cheese. He had been singing cheese-themed covers to popular rock songs for most of the morning, and it was nice to finally have a moment of peace.

"I hope Chloe finds the pass soon," Alya commented a few minutes later, glancing up as the flash of yellow appeared again, dipping in and out of sight along the tops of the trees. "I could use a turtle shell ride break about now."

"You could just join Mrs. Cheng," Adrien pointed out. "We don't need to be speeding ahead for you to ride in the shell. And you've taken advantage of that before."

"I know, but-"

Alya abruptly cut off her words as a faint scream echoed through the valley. Adrien's eyes flew open and his head jerked up, finding the blur of yellow streaking towards them. Queen Bee was flying flat-out, as fast as she could possibly could, right back at them. It only took her a couple minutes to reach them, and she didn't even try to slow as she came in for a landing. Her feet ripped long trenches into the ground, sending dirt and grass everywhere. They all dove out of the way, arms flying up to keep the flying dirt from hitting their faces.

"Chloe? What's wrong?"

"G-giant rat!" Queen Bee spluttered as she finally tripped and somersaulted to a stop. She sat up, pointing back in the direction she had come. She was pale under the mask, her eyes wide. "It was just lurking, and then it was staring at me when I landed! Who knows if it was trying to attack me, or- or kill me, or-"

"A giant rat, you said?" Jade Turtle inquired, sitting up straighter and looking intrigued instead of alarmed. "Or was it the Rat superhero?"

"There's a rat superhero?! Whose bright idea was that?"

"Chloe, we talked about the Rat before, remember?" Alya pointed out. "They're related to someone Adrien's mom knew."

"Or they were related," Adrien corrected automatically. "The new Rat might not be."

Then he froze. The Rat that had attacked his parents was nearby. Who had threatened his parents and, by extension, him. That could be bad. Really bad.

He didn't want to be detransformed for this.

Jade Turtle seemed to have the same idea. "Kwamis, power up," he ordered. "We want to transform as soon as possible. I doubt that he would attack us outright, but we want to make it clear that we're superheroes on a mission, not lost tourists or people looking to plunder the temple."

The kwamis zipped towards the bag of food, diving in. Adrien looked around frantically- he had been glad when Plagg flew off to forage, but now he didn't know how to find his kwami. There was no sign of Plagg, though, and Adrien wondered if he could get away with just hiding behind Marinette when the Rat came to investigate.

Tikki emerged first, making a beeline towards Marinette. The other kwamis didn't take long to follow, and the area lit up with the flashes of light as they transformed. Adrien edged closer to Ladybug, twining his fingers with hers for comfort. He really didn't like not being able to transform right now.

Out of all the times for Plagg to scurry off...

Adrien was just starting to consider trying to transform even without Plagg in sight when a familiar black shape appeared among the trees. Plagg glanced around at them curiously as he munched on one of the mushrooms he had gathered up in his arms.

"What are we transforming for?"

"Queen Bee spotted the Rat and we wanted to be prepared," Jade Turtle explained. "Finish your snack, and then Adrien can transform too."

For once in his life, Plagg listened. He inhaled the whole pile of mushrooms in one gulp (Adrien cringed- seriously, his kwami had no manners, and it was just gruesome when Plagg's mouth stretched like that) and then zipped over to Adrien. In a flash of green, Chat Noir joined the other superheroes in the field. They headed forward like they had before, this time as a much more tightly-packed group. It was almost ten tense minutes later before they spotted the grey-clad man heading across the field towards them.

His outfit wasn't like the that of the younger superheroes. It was more like a simple grey suit, with the only out-of-place things being the thin tail snaking out the rear of the pants and the ratlike mask covering the upper portion of his face. He didn't look particularly friendly- even at a distance, they could see the pinched expression on his face.

So this was the man who had threatened his parents and drove them into installing fortress-style levels of security in their home. Adrien honestly couldn't blame them. While the seven of them all looked fun and friendly while transformed, this man's outfit screamed business. If he were trying to look threatening, then Adrien wouldn't blame anyone who decided to run.

"Remember, only use our superhero names around others," Jade Turtle reminded them as the Rat drew closer. "Just in case this Rat is suspicious of us as well. It will be good practice anyway for once we do the ritual."

Chat Noir nodded stiffly, doing his best not to hide behind Ladybug. Her fingers gave his a light squeeze and her hip bumped into his, a reminder that she was there with him. The group came to a halt, and Jade Turtle gestured for them to stand behind him in a group.

"Try not to look aggressive," Jade Turtle instructed. "We don't want to force a confrontation if he's just here to see what we're doing. He's a local, so he could be an invaluable source of information for helping us find the temple."

Chat Noir's ears flattened, just a little. He didn't really want to travel with the Rat. He just- maybe they hadn't actually talked to the Rat yet, but he wasn't comfortable with being anywhere near the man, just based on the notes his parents had made. Maybe the Rat would be different with actual superheroes.

The Rat kept approaching, and Chat Noir was pleased to see that there was a slight wariness to his expression. He stopped a good twenty or thirty meters away from them, calling something to the group.

Tibetan, Chat Noir was willing to bet. He couldn't catch anything that was being said, which was frustrating. Jade Turtle responded, and the Rat nodded and stepped forward a little closer. Their back-and-forth continued for a few minutes, the Rat's expression relaxing and pinching in turns as they conversed. At one point, Adrien could tell that the Rat was repeating something insistently. Jade Turtle frowned, shaking his head, and then sighed and nodded. With that, the Rat nodded, satisfied, and Master Fu turned back to the group, a not particularly happy expression on his face.

"He says that if we want to get to the temple, we will have to follow him."

The silent way that the Rat led them through several valleys and around a lake was frankly eerie. He walked quickly, only occasionally glancing back to make sure that they were following.

Ladybug was just glad that Queen Bee hadn't tried to throw a fit about getting her father involved or anything. They didn't need to get on the Rat's bad side, not without learning more about him first.

Next to her, Chat Noir's hand was wrapped securely around her own. Paon walked on Chat's other side, only centimeters between their shoulders. Queen Bee lagged behind them, still clearly not sold on the whole Rat superhero thing. Their entire group was silent, and it made the entire walk seem like it was taking hours longer.

Ladybug didn't know how the Rat could patrol the area by himself. She would be fine for a day alone, maybe two, but after that the lack of human company would get to her. She had to imagine that most other people would be the same.

They headed around another bend and started up a steep slope. Ladybug could see Paon stretching impatiently, clearly wanting to fly up the slope instead of walk it. But they didn't want to upset their guide.

It wasn't as though him abandoning them in the middle of the wilderness would make them lost, not at all. Jade Turtle had marked where they had gone off of their trail on his GPS, so that they would be able to find it again with no trouble, and Ladybug had seen him marking waypoints as they went along. But they did want to learn what the Rat knew about the entire situation, and he might be able to get them closer to the temple area faster than they could get there themselves.

"We aren't going to go all the way back, are we?" Queen Bee asked in a loud whisper an hour later. She had clearly recovered at least a little from her earlier scare. "Mast- er, Jade Turtle, did he tell you...?"

"His home is half a day's journey away from our path, according to him," Jade Turtle replied. He patted his shell, and Queen Bee flitted over to perch on the edge. "There are small villages this far out, remote and hard to get to. I'm guessing that his home is near one of those. And, hopefully, the previous Rat will be there as well."

Queen Bee didn't look particularly mollified.

Another hour in, the Rat called something back to Jade Turtle, and he gestured for him to come forward. Queen Bee hopped off of the shell and he sped forward, stopping by the Rat to let him hop in. The two of them had a brief conversation, and then Jade Turtle nodded and turned around.

"We were a little further out than he remembered, so we'll be going faster for a bit," Jade Turtle called back to the rest of the group. "Anyone else for the shell?"

There were head shakes all around.

"Wanna ride on my back again?" Chat Noir asked Ladybug as they all started forward again, this time at a much quicker pace. "Since your yo-yos aren't super-helpful out here?"

"That would be great."

What followed was probably the strangest procession that the valley had ever seen. Jade Turtle and the Rat sat in the shell, moving across the grass at a fast clip. Lycaena and Queen Bee flew behind them, staying a little higher. Paon's flights were shorter, long glides before he had to leap and take off again. Rena Rouge had given up on running almost straight off the bat and was sticking to long jumps.

And then there was Ladybug and Chat Noir bringing up the rear, vaulting into the sky and coming down in long arcs.

"Wait, no one told us we were going to cut across the lake!" Rena Rouge yelled several minutes later, when the turtle shell took an abrupt turn across the giant lake. "Wait up, Ma- er, Jade Turtle!"

"I wonder how deep that lake is," Ladybug said as Rena took a running jump and landed squarely in the middle of Jade Turtle's shell. Paon jumped and glided and would have missed the shell had Jade Turtle not expanded it just in time.

"Well, we'll find out," Chat Noir said cheerfully, extending his baton again. "Don't worry, I don't think there's a limit to how long I can make this."

"Is there a limit to how fast you can retract it, though?"

"Yeah, why?"

Ladybug clung to Chat Noir's back as his baton plunged into the water for the first time. It splashed on the way in, but the rapidly growing length more than made up for the sudden drop in the ground level. They shot up into the air, then tipped forward. Chat Noir's baton retracted and he spun it to slow their fall before extending it again. This time, it had to extend more to make up for the lake's depth. The time after that, it had to extend even more, so much that Chat Noir only barely managed to catch them before they hit the water's surface.

"Well, maybe I'll just put us higher up so I have more time to catch us," Chat Noir suggested as they shot up again. "Ready?"

Ladybug readjusted her grip on Chat Noir and nodded. "Ready!"

They tipped forward, and just like always, Chat Noir started retracting his baton as fast as he could. But this time, there was too much baton in the water for him to get it all out in time to helicopter down. They shot downwards like a rock, and Chat Noir's expression turned slightly panicked as he glanced backwards at his baton, which still hadn't emerged from the water. Ladybug's stomach dropped, and she scrambled to grab her yo-yo before they could hit the water. Her fingers had just closed around it when the water rushed up to meet them and she and Chat Noir went under with an almighty splash.

It was cold.

Ladybug brought her yo-yo to her lips immediately, latching on and taking a deep breath in of the magically-made air. It would have been way easier to panic had she and Chat Noir not used their weapons as a source of air before.

No matter how exhausting and disruptive and all-around annoying as the akuma fights had been, at least they had given her a cool head during emergencies.

Next to her, Chat Noir was still struggling with his staff, pulling it back towards him with a tight-lipped grimace on his face. Ladybug took one last deep breath and then pushed her yo-yo into his face so he could get some air as well. He shot her a grateful look, taking several deep breaths before passing it back.

Several seconds later, their heads broke the surface and they both gasped and spluttered. Queen Bee and Lycaena had stopped and were staring down at the water at them, while the occupants of the turtle shell far up ahead apparently hadn't noticed the splash.

"C-c-cold," Ladybug spluttered as Queen Bee swooped down to haul Chat Noir out. Lycaena came down as well, pulling Ladybug up and out of the water. "T-thanks."

"We're not going to be able to fly like this, though," Queen Bee told them as she struggled upwards. At long last, the end of Chat Noir's baton came out of the water and snapped back into its original size. "You're going to have to figure something else out."

Ladybug frowned as her mom nodded. She glanced around, trying to draw inspiration from their surroundings like she always did during akuma fights.

She didn't turn much up. There was lake, lake, and more lake, with some distant mountain peaks. The far side of the lake was a ways across, but it almost looked like the shore was a bit craggy-

-and that was it. Craggy rocks could provide a spot for her yo-yo to latch on. Sure, it wasn't high, but it would work. She looked around again, and spotted a flat-ish piece of wood floating around just a short distance away.

Perfect.

"Well, as long as we're already wet, you might as well put us back down," Ladybug said, trying not to grin at the way Queen Bee was holding Chat Noir. Her hands were under his arms and she was holding him as far away from her as she could, like he was a wet, smelly cat that she was trying to keep away from herself. "Then Mom, can you get that piece of wood over there? Chat Noir and I can use that."

Queen Bee dropped Chat Noir right away. He yelped as he went under again, spluttering as he came up seconds later. Once he had shoved his hair out of his eyes, he shot Queen Bee a betrayed look.

"What was that for?"

"Ladybug said I could put you back down," Queen Bee said with a small shrug. "So I did."

"A little warning would have been nice!"

Ladybug giggled at the look on Chat Noir's face as Lycaena let her down much more gently and then flitted over to grab the piece of wood. "Such a pouty kitten."

"I'm wet," Chat Noir complained. "And what's the plan, anyway?"

Ladybug only grinned.

"I'm reserving the right now to laugh at you if this all goes sideways," Queen Bee said two minutes later as Ladybug cast her yo-yos out, securing them on the far bank. "You're going to wipe out, I can tell now."

"Or this is going to be the coolest thing ever and you have to promise to take pictures of us," Chat Noir shot back.

"I'm going to take pictures of you failing spectacularly and spend the rest of the trip laughing at you about it."

Ladybug poked Chat Noir's side. "Focus. Are you ready?"

Chat Noir tightened his hold around her waist and dug his feet into the wood. "Ready!"

"Scoot back as soon as I tell you to. We're going to tip backwards for a second before we start going forwards." Ladybug racked her brain for everything she knew about water-skiing, which...wasn't much, honestly. And on top of that, they didn't have skis, they had a board. Still, she figured that as long as the front of their piece of wood pointed up out of the water and they didn't get yanked off straight away, it should work. Maybe. Hopefully. "All right. In three, two, one- go!"

For one heart-stopping second, they tipped backwards, nearly falling off into the water. Then Ladybug's yo-yo strings tightened, and they were skimming across the top of the water, half-standing and half-crouching on top of the piece of wood.

It actually worked. It actually worked. Ladybug was thrilled.

"THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER!" Chat Noir yelled in her ear as they pelted across the water. They were fast catching up to the group in Master Fu's shell, which was still somehow oblivious to the commotion behind them. "THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WORKED!" Ladybug yelled back, spluttering a little as some of the spray of water that the board was kicking up got in her mouth.

"DO YOU THINK TIKKI COULD CREATE A PROPER BOARD FOR US TO USE?" Chat Noir bellowed. "WE COULD DO THIS ON ALL OF THE LAKES WE HAVE TO PASS OVER!"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

They whipped forward, past a shell full of wide-eyed superheroes who had finally noticed that something was going on behind them. Paon looked like he was laughing and Rena Rouge yelled something, but the sound of the wind in their ears drowned their friends out.

Chat Noir adjusted his grip on Ladybug to wave cheerfully at his friends as they whipped past, sending water spraying in their wake. As soon as they had passed, he clapped his arms back around her waist before he could fall off.

Ladybug adjusted her grip and bent her knees a bit more as they drew steadily closer to the far shore. The shoreline swelled up on the horizon, all dark rocks and green moss with grass and flowers growing behind.

And it was then that Ladybug spotted one critical problem with her plan.

"We're going to hit the rocks!" Ladybug yelped as her yo-yo strings grew shorter and shorter. "Chat Noir-!"

"Let go!" Chat Noir yelled, winding an arm around her waist and extending his baton out in front of them as they closed in on the shore. "I'll vault us over! In three, two-"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Their board hit the rocks and sent both of them flying into the air, aided by Chat Noir's baton as it dug into the soft ground near shore, pole-vaulting them into the sky. They tumbled through the air, screeching loudly as they did, before falling to a mercifully rock-free patch of ground. They lay there for a few seconds, breathing hard.

"We could have managed that better," Chat Noir admitted after a minute. He pushed himself partway up, then flopped back down bonelessly. "I think my heart stopped for a moment there. Wow."

Ladybug just nodded, staring up at the sky. After a few seconds, the view was interrupted by a howling Queen Bee.

"That was fabulous," she managed, waving her trompo at them as she tried to catch her breath between guffaws. "Your screaming? That flying up into the air ass-over-teakettle? Absolutely priceless. I got that all on camera, and I'm gonna frame it and hang it up in my bedroom as soon as we get home."

Ladybug could only groan.

#Miraculous Ladybug #My writing #There's No Camembert in Tibet #Adrien Agreste #Marinette Dupain-Cheng

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