#u develop this thing called brain rot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ritz-writes · 7 months

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@asleepyy so sorry for tagging u twice in one day and i hope im not bothering u with my brain rot 😅

but yes, i did actually dissect the lyrics. yes, i am actually insane. and yes, i love this au quite a lot.

here are my notes and what i think each song represents, tho its mainly just the vibes i get. i made notes as i listened to them (note: i see songs almost always in animatic form. idk if that will effect how i imagine what each song means, but i thought it might be worth mentioning)

join me as i lose my mind over the course of an hour and a half

say what you think: def making me think of them both in heaven and jophiel wanting to ask questions.

running up that hill: AHH this one hurt. very obvious as well. jophiel seeing that azazel shouldnt be a demon. "And if I only could I'd make a deal with God, and I'd get Him to swap our places." i am sobbingggg

what difference does it make?: at first i was going to say its jophiel wanting to figure out what went wrong but azazel makes them promise not to, but i think its better suited for azazel understanding hes a demon, but he cant help but still have faith in the almighty

please please please let me get what i want: fuckkk is this about azazel being a demon but still wanting to do good 😭 short but still painful

ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've): my first reaction to the title alone was like the second image of the kambucha girl meme. anyway i think this one is about them becoming friends (or more?? 👀) but knowing its seen as wrong. "And if I start a commotion, I run the risk of losing you and that's worse" makes me also think of jophiel talking to the metatron and realizing he shouldnt ask about azazel lest he risk the poor thing being smited.

nothing critical: ohhhh this one gives hella vibes of jophiel not trusting heaven and knowing "something isnt right here" in regards to the fall-- HOLD UP "I know, someone had to go, If not him it'd be me instead" HELLO??? aziraphale asking for jophiel??? is this like after he finds out what azazels name used to be??

flowers never bend with the rainfall: hmm... i feel like this is a plot point song. not sure why. but "And I hide behind the shield of my illusion" makes me think it pertains to azazel

bird in space: oh this ones a bit tricky. i think ive reached the songs that no longer fit the lore we've been given thus far. so the only thing i can think rn is jophiel enjoying earthly pleasures? not rlly sure

angel, won't you call me?: oh fuckkk is this about a fight they have? "I fled at the face of my rival. When I felt his breath at the back of my neck. Angel, won't you call?" theres no way that isnt about azazel saying smth and then leaving, only to be scared he severed his tie to the only person thats been nice to him.

the stranger: first of this is a bop and im loving it. very groovy. the first thing that comes to mind is the "choose your faces wisely" prophecy. ooo is this about jophiel trying to convince azazel hes still meant to be an angel? that he wasnt meant to fall? also, the last verse is sticking out to me... not sure why

all i think about now: fuckkkkk this is giving me the vibes of jophiel finding out azazel Fell cuz of him and feeling guilty about it. "If I'm late, can I thank you now?" FUCKING OW?? oh yeah for sure this is about jophiel finding out and being sucker punched with guilt

ill be your mirror: oh goddd this song. i know crowley listens to this song but i cant remember what its about so lets see. AH SHIT YEAH THATS RIGHT. okay so jophiel reminds azazel that he is inherently good, regardless of if hes a demon. thats what im getting from this (also just tihnking of that ask i sent about the reflective sunglasses bthwjegkrw)

me and my husband: okay all im getting from this is "they r down bad". they r very very very much in love. getting vibes of this being after they stop the apocolypse. or maybe their feelings developing thru the centuries

time in a bottle: oh man this song always gets me. okay so, this and the last song r giving the oh-shit-i-might-be-in-love vibes. but this one is with jophiel's pov, while me and my husband is azazel's

ritz note: the last couple songs have been cute and lovey and i am now terrified of what the next ones r gonna be. cuz i know this fandom. and i am not ready for the pain. i am afraidddd

lonesome town: i fucking called it i knew the happy wouldnt last 😭😭 they had a fight didnt they. yeahhh they had a fight. FUCK why is this so sad but so pretty

across the universe: is this one sad too??? hang on theres a bit thats not in english, what does that mean... "Hail to the Heavenly Teacher." okay so i assume this is an azazel song. this is just making me think of the bookshop fire, but its azazel thinking jophiel died 😭 ....i am staring at the lyircs. i am glaring at the lyrics. this song MEANS something. i just dont know what. but its important. im squinting at it very hard (note: i came back to this song and am STILL glaring at it. its like. its like im seeing it covered in sand but i know theres gold underneath. i cant SEE the gold, but i know its there. this is driving me nuts /pos)

no wonder i: hm.. im not rlly sure with this one. OH?? is this azazel finding out heaven isnt that good?? "Suddenly I'm not so sure. That intentions can be pure." hmmmmmmm

what do they know?: holy shit okay this is a completely different kind of song than the others. im.... glaring at these lyrics too. feels like a plot point but cant tell what it is. i think its about jophiel? maybe heaven too?? idk im grasping at straws with this one

sea of love: oh yay a happy song again 😌 okay this is just short and sweet. gives me forgiveness and/or confession vibes.

who are you, really?: this one sounds important and i am glaring!! makes me think of "we dont need heaven we dont need hell" and also "a demon/angel that goes along with hell/heaven as far as he can". also just makes me think of jophiel speaking.

the moon will sing: i fucking love this song but i dont think ive ever looked at the lyrics so lets goooo. right away i see "I could have been anyone, anyone else. Before you made the choice for me" and think of aziraphale asking and falling for jophiel, and in a way making the choice of jophiel staying an angel. "Instead, I made a bed with apathy" jophiel trying not to care about a random demon. "I shine only with the light you gave me" jophiel giving azazel ideas on how to do "good" while being "bad". also with that line, thinking of azazel saying that to god and being sad about having fallen AUGHH i have a whole animatic in my head with this song and im losing my mind

matephor: hnnnn another important sounding song. jophiel vibes. fight song perhaps?? "Don't look too hard 'cause you won't like the scars he left in me" azazel vibes??? this one is elusive to me but i love it. okay im slowly getting more azazel vibes. like azazel trying to convince jophiel that he is a demon and fell for a reason

providence: right away getting "heaven and hell r bad" vibes. OHH okay okay this is giving me hella jophiel vibes, but specificly snarky and sassy jophiel vibes. of being like "oh yes heaven is oh so great, we kill children! but its for the greater good, of course. gotta beat hell and all that, even at the cost of innocents. all for the almighty and her ineffable plan." (this song is a bop omg)

earth angel: oh i know this one but only with crowley and aziraphale, so im excited to listen to it with an oopsie omens mind set. omg wait why does it hit HARDER. love sick azazel is such a cute image 🥺🥰

what more can i do: hmm.. them being in love but knowing its "forbidden"? cant tell who i imagine with it more

starman: this is just them. classic good omens song, regardless of the au. love to see it 💖

a pearl: AH FUCK ANOTHER SAD ONE. mitski whyy. hm.. azazel song? jophiel?? i think jophiel... tho my mind might be turning to mush at this point so im not sure. one of them is sad

duvet: oh def azazel vibes. oh maybe some jophiel vibes too?? i can see it swaping povs. i think it fits azazel more tho.

ritz note: OKAY the next song is in a different language and for a split second i legit thought i was having a stroke when i pulled up the lyrics ngl bgkewrrkjq

différent de toi: no idea what this song is about but its pretty 😊

oh thats all of them! i think the first half is more coherent observations, while the second half is just... rambling a bit lmao. idk if any of this makes sense. i might also be looking for things that arent there with these songs, but oh well. this was fun!

and now, after looking back at them all, i really does just slowly derail near the end lmao

#kinda hesitant to post this #but i think i put too much work into it not to so #here we go <3 #good omens #good omens au #ritz rambles #long post

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fatuismooches · 8 months

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*kicks door open*

Saw that Dottore post talking in a different language in the middle of class. It will NOT stop me for brain rotting.

God he'd say everything and anything he wants to tell you in the language that attracts you the most and he'd laugh affectionately when you glate at him with a red face. He'd be SO teasing about it, calling you pet names you don't know the meaning of but he says it so sweet and tender that it makes ur heart beat so fast,, you'd see him leaving notes to you with lines of what it seems to be a poem and you dont understand at all, and the segments do it to you as well like!!! CMON 😭😭

They refuse to help you study the language bc it's not a collective thing they do and they all use so many different languages it makes ur head spin

IM IN SHAMBLES MOOCHES... THAT ANON GOT ME ON A FRENZY OF IDEAS IM CRYING GFAHGHGDHGRSAAGGHHHH

But imagine making ur own language just to level with dottore???? After learning it and developing it n becoming fluent, you burned all ur notes and documents of your own language and u watch him and the segments fume when you talk to him in a language he has never heard of

(Now imagine talking to a fellow harbinger with the said language, teaching them to further egg on him 🤭🤭🤭)

HCHKCHDOEHFOSIW this is kaiser and it's time for me to EXPLODE 💥💥💥

AHHUDWDWD THIS IS SO SO CUTE. IM BRAINROTTING SOOO HARD BEFORE CLASS UGHHH I LOVE THESE IDEAS😭😭❤️ He would be SO relentless with teasing you, you would literally have to BEG him to return to speaking in your native language because he is a monster ugh 😒😤 You would have no idea what he's saying no matter how much you try and plead for him to tell you... you eventually hear certain words so many times you just associate them with a pet name that you still have no clue as to what it is. You HATE how much he has you wrapped around his finger and blushing but you also love it because who doesn't love when the Doctor is so outwardly affectionate to you 😔❤️ tHE POEMS BRO. THE POEMS. I think he's also very bad at written affection but since it's in another language he has creative freedom 😭 you'll never know the disgusting sappy things he'll write. The clones being in on it is the funniest part lmao you thought they would be on your side 😭😭💔

oh MY GOD THOUGH READER MAKING THEIR OWN LANGUAGE IS MY FAVORITEEE PART!!!! I love when reader tries to one-up Dottore, like, two can play at that game honey, i'm not your lover for no reason 🤭 LMAO i can just imagine reader grinding out their language verbally and written, day and night, just to spite Dottore and make him feel what you feel >:)

The look on their faces would be PRICELESS. Dottore would ask you to repeat what you said and you would, happily, and then walk away as if what you said is everyday language... they would be scrambling to figure out what is going onnnnn 😭 HELP YESSS Pantalone, Bina, and Childe are the best candidates 🤭 He would be so annoyed at seeing you communicate with these three so jollying... ehehe also teaching his child clone the language too, because the baby would never betray you either and would stick his tongue out at the bribing of other clones.

DEEP BREATHES KAI DONT EXPLODE- 😭

#smooches talks #moots: kai <3 #dottore love notes <3 #zandy bb <3 #i love how we're all reading fanfics during class #actually this takes me back to a time when i was reading one of ur fics in class and my friend was watching me and i had to stop 😭#PLS SEND ANY MORE IDEAS IM BEGGING I LOVE UR WRITING #i cant i love this dynamic sm #how long do u think itll take for him to decipher ur language tho with that brain of his lmfao

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ontheblock · 2 years

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Hey u said you’d post the Orochimaru fic pt 3 may i ask where it is?

hi !! it‘s right here. i won‘t lie but i also won‘t go into details, i had a massive mental health drop and had the hardest time writing something coherent. fingers crossed it didn‘t ruin my writing ability lol. i really thought about not posting this since it‘s not up to my standard but i really can‘t make myself write on this even longer and make people wait. so many reached out to me to finish this LMAO. which makes me happy that so many enjoy it :)

offspring pt iii

warning: animal death, vomit, dubcon, manipulation

offspring pt i . offspring pt ii

The first few weeks after your aborted runaway attempt, you sometimes found yourself wandering the halls way after tucking the baby into bed. You haunted the lair like a ghost, unconsciously searching for something but in the end you never encountered another exit; and maybe you were a ghost. Maybe Orochimaru let his genetic spawn kill and eat you - claw into the abdomen you birthed it from, crawl up into your ribcage to rip into your heart with the skinny fangs that shot from the soft gums - after birth and this was all just your brain producing pictures of how things could’ve been. But wouldn’t those pictures be good? Did you consider this to be good?

You didn’t know. You didn’t know a lot of things. You didn’t know the name for the son you grew inside you. You didn’t know if you could morally call that your son because with every passing week, month, it looked less like something that was a person. You didn’t know what he was capable of. He developed at a rapid pace - walking within a few months and grabbing onto whatever was in reach from the very start, he even grew at an abnormal rate. He barely had to bathe unless he got his hair filthy, those ink black tresses that reached his tailbone and looked just like Orochimaru‘s. It was the only hair he had. Otherwise it was all smooth cold skin, textured with subtle scales.

His features didn’t change. Eyes rimmed in lavender, still far apart on the head and overwhelmingly yellow with thin slits as the pupils. The nose was almost nonexistent, just a bump on his sleek face with a single curved slit as the nose hole. And his mouth had no lips, just a thin line stretching into the boys cheeks that he could open wide to expose tiny teeth growing from the fleshy gums. His body was thin but he didn’t seem sickly despite his heartbeat being visible through his chest. His hands had unnaturally long fingers and thickly growing nails you had difficulty clipping, same with his feet.

Despite his fast physical development he didn‘t seem to want any solid food, only hanging off your chest to feed whenever Kabuto brought him back to you. He didn‘t talk, just grabbed for your chest the way he saw his father do all the time. It always made your stomach feel hot and cold with disgust.

So when the boy didn‘t show up one day, it made you pace in your room like a distressed animal in a cage. After months of the same routine you couldn‘t handle the sudden change. You pushed out of your room, into the empty hallway. Your anxiety spiked with each step shooting cold aches up your bare feet. Orochimaru never wavered from his usual schedule but you prayed to whatever power was higher than Orochimaru himself that today was the first day even for that.

You tried every door, checked every corridor and peeked into every room until a wave of cold air hit you in the face upon opening a creaking door. You heard shuffling inside and dared to push the door open wide. The room was big and the floor laid out with rotting hay. In a corner sat a hunched figure, black hair cascading down the back and pooling on the floor. Your words were lodged in your throat as your son craned his neck around at a painful looking angle to catch your eyes. His face was smeared with red, glistening around the mouth and dripping off the jaw as his hands palmed a half skinned rat.

You took a step back as his hands slowly moved the feast back to his face, pushing his open mouth back into the stomach of the rodent. Your back hit resistance, smooth fingers braced against your shoulders to stop you against Orochimaru‘s chest. “Why are you so pale? Didn‘t you voice your concern about him not eating anything despite his fast development?“ There was a smile in the voice and you turned your head to look with a haunted shock in your face. “I thought I should ease your worries by introducing meat to the diet.“

You turned slowly, staring at Orochimaru whose eyes were fixed on the scene in the room. “Why would you-? He‘s-“ You stomach was flipping rapidly and you choked on your words, finally convincing Orochimaru to let you got when you doubled over to retch and heave up your last meal on the filthy floor and the front of your own robe. Your stomach acid burned your nose and throat raw, cotton stuffed your ears and you didn‘t even notice what was going on around you, not even when hands held your hair out your face. All you envisioned was your son pulling the spine from that rat‘s body to spit it back out onto the floor littered with fur and smaller bones.

This was a nightmare.

You didn‘t remember passing out but the next time you blinked, you were tucked into an old leather wing chair like a child, the vile smell of vomit fading into mild soap and dusty parchment paper. The room was dimly lit and turned out to be one of Orochimaru‘s many athenea stacked with all sorts of books and scrolls to collect dust.

You shifted, sitting up on the chair and feeling a damp spot where your hair was resting. You were bathed and changed into fresh cotton robes, hair only half dry and letting the collar of your clothes soak up some moisture.

“And what have you learned?“

You flinched hard, turning towards the desk that was lit up by an oil lamp. Orochimaru loomed above a book, his attention now shifting towards you. “Hopefully to stop looking where your eyes don‘t belong.“

Your hand clenched around the coarse blanket. “How could you make him… do that?“ Orochimaru finally shut the book, tapping his nail onto the hardcover. “The goal was to catch the rat without light or special help of weapons. Anything else was just nature.“ And you swallowed because if that was true, if the only rule was to catch that thing with his bare hands, it meant that he had it in himself to do that - had it in him all along, during all the nights he was with you still.

“So he…“ You didn‘t dare finish that sentence, didn‘t know where it was going anyway. You slumped deeper into the chair instead, just watched as Orochimaru approached. “Yes. It- He was a success. You created a miracle. I never doubted you for a second.“ That was a lie and you knew it. All the old tales you remembered contained deceiving serpents with tongues coated in silver. As a kid you wondered why they chose to use snakes, why they all agreed on snakes being evil by nature. But whoever started it was right.

Orochimaru crooked his finger in a beckoning motion, coxing you to stand. The blanket pooled on the floor with your motions, the leather groaned under you as you pushed yourself out of the seat.

“Can I go now?“ The slight tilt of Orochimaru‘s head made you stare at the floor and lower your voice. “Please?“, you rushed out quietly. Orochimaru seated himself in the leather chair, sinking into the cushion. “Do you want to?“

You were torn between simply leaving or waiting for him to elaborate. He always seemed to read your thoughts before you, so he continued. “You don‘t look eager to leave. Is it because you spend your time alone these days?“ You looked at him, shifting on your feet as if your mind was ready to abandon this conversation but your body hasn‘t caught up to the decision yet. “I do things on my own. I read.“

“Do you?“ Your mouth snapped shut. What was he even trying to say? “What do you-“

“Do you regret not leaving when you had the chance?“

“I don‘t-“

“You wouldn‘t get more attention out there. You already made the right choice by turning back.“ A moment of silence stretched through the room and the distance from the chair to the door felt impossibly big now. “I don‘t want attention.“

“Well, you haven‘t been this talkative in months. Why don‘t you sit down?“ Your brows scrunched together, eyes bouncing between Orochimaru and the forgotten oil lamp on the desk. “I don‘t want to sit.“

“Sit down.“ He hasn‘t used this voice with you in ages - harsh, like a whip on your thighs for being disobedient. The last time he talked to you with a threat in his tone, you were just his underling - he was just your master. Whatever you were now, it wasn‘t the same.

And yet, you sat on his leg gingerly, feeling tossed back in time. His hand found the small of your back and his low body temperature seeped through your clothes. “All you needed was attention.“

“This isn‘t- It‘s about the baby. He‘s not an animal so you-“

His other hand rubbed your leg, pushing beneath the robe to squeeze the skin. “You need to teach them early. I can‘t waste such potential but I can compromise if you‘re feeling neglected.“ It was frustrating when he wouldn‘t listen but the familiar feeling of his hand inching towards your core had your stomach twisting into knots and your senses were overwhelmed.

“You‘re wrong.“ Your thighs locked together as you tried to hold onto coherent thoughts. “Stop trying to- to…“ Orochimaru kept up the lazy caresses. “I‘m not doing anything.“ You let out an irritated huff, refusing to let his hand slip between your legs whenever his fingers tried to snake between them. He didn‘t show any anger at being denied, instead he pinched the skin of your thigh until you relented and released the tension in your muscles.

“You‘re trying to feed me lies.“ You squirmed on his leg as Orochimaru massaged into the inside of your thigh. “Do I? Wouldn‘t you say I‘m more knowledgeable than you?“

“That‘s not-“

“I already assured you to find time for you. Do you really want to be difficult?“ Icy fingers brushed over your pubic mound and the sudden touch made you jerk in your seat. “I‘m not.“

“I think you‘re feeding me lies here. Don‘t you know where that leads you by now?“ Skilled fingers drew figure eights right into your clit, the dry pressure bordering onto painful. You bit back a hiss by holding your breath and dug a hand into his pant leg. “This is what you wanted. You could have gotten it much easier by using your words.“

You shook your head, lips pressed into a thin line as you focused on a particular stack of books. “No? It‘s certainly what you stayed here for, isn‘t it?“ Again, you wanted to deny but the reason why you did stay slipped your mind. You knew he ordered you to but there was no consequence to leaving, was there? He has always been the more intelligent one, always walked away as the winner of an argument even with Kabuto.

Your lack of response was understood as resigning, as always. So Orochimaru manhandled your back against his chest and your legs spread out over his own. “I- I didn‘t come for this“, you tried as Orochimaru fished a vial of amber liquid from one of his pockets. You watched slender fingers unstop the vial, tipping it into his open palm. He spread the oil in his hand, going in to cup your pussy with his slicked hand. The oil was still cold enough to make you suck in your breath but the sensation it left on your skin was like fresh sparkling water. Every bit of skin it touched felt warm and tingly.

“You came here because you felt neglected.“ That wasn‘t how you remembered it like. His fingers smeared the oil through your folds and you had trouble figuring the rest out. Your head dropped with a soft gasp as two long fingers pushed inside. “No, I-“

“Yes.“ His voice was pressing, maybe because his face was right by your ear to peek over your shoulder. “You came here and asked for my time like a stray dog.“ His fingers crooked inside you, dragging and scraping against your walls with every hand movement. You moaned, jerking in his lap as his fingertips passed over your sweet spot every other thrust. You held onto his sleeve like a lifeline. The oil was almost not necessary now that you were dripping down his hand but something told you this burning in your gut and the fog in your head wasn‘t supposed to be there.

Your head fell back against his shoulder, legs shaking and toes flexing. “Can‘t- I can‘t…“ Your robe was sticking to your skin with sweat already. “But you asked for it. So you‘ll take it.“ A third finger slid inside and he pressed in impossibly deep. “Didn‘t… Did I?“

Your eyes fluttered open, unaware you even closed them. His other hand stroked your cheek, pushing strands of hair out your face. “You did.“ You couldn‘t argue anymore, not with his fingers buried deep in your pussy and the aphrodisiac in the oil rushing you to your peak. Your head lulled to the side, hiding your face in his neck and puffing hot gasps and whines against his skin. It was all you could do since you ask for it in the first place.

#tw animal death #tw dubcon #tw manipulation #naruto #naruto imagines #naruto smut #naruto scenarios #orochimaru #orochimaru headcanons #orochimaru smut #orochimaru x reader #I AM BACK LOL #sorry for the delay

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saulocept · 2 years

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and now i’m covered in you

pairing: re2r! leon/reader

rating: t

summary: It’s love at first sight. It has to be. Or else there’s something very wrong with you, your sanity rattled along with every bit of your common sense. Not that it matters at this point. There’s something between you, you think, and you don’t think you’re imagining it.

notes: direct sequel to this, but it’s all vibes & no plot. also i’m uh. taking some requests in? trying to get back into writing so i’ll just mostly do short stuff & anything’s ok :)

for uh. more info, you can go here. and uh. if youve read this far thank u!

Apparently, it’s really easy to form friendships when you’re the only two people left on Earth. Or three, if you count the man lying on the couch in the lobby, though you haven’t even exchanged a single word with him for it to count. But still; you could probably be friends with him if you try, even if all he could manage is a grunt in response.

Scratch that, you could probably do a lot of things if you try. At this point, you wouldn’t even be surprised if it turns out you can shoot spiderwebs out of your hands or if you’ve been a mutant in disguise all along. It feels silly to even think of that, but every thought that comes into your head is almost always silly.

You wonder if it’s just your brain’s way to distract you from your grief. It’s still a little hard to believe what your best friend had turned into. Jen: bright-eyed and cheerful. Loud-mouthed most times, but she’s always known the right thing to say.

It still feels surreal to imagine that she’s just gone, just like that, so quick and with hardly even a sign. Weren’t you just talking to her last week, setting up some plans, making jokes?

And now, you can’t even recognize her among the sea of corpses that litter the streets outside, and you hate it, hate yourself even more for it. Shouldn’t you have done something, anything, tried to save her? That’s what a real friend would’ve done, that’s what she would’ve done if it were you in her shoes. She would’ve tried to get to you. She wouldn’t have simply run, just as you had, wouldn’t have let you get shot, just like you did. Wouldn’t have let you be dead, rotting outside with all the other corpses.

Jesus. Does her family even know what’s happened? Or are they waiting for her to call, expecting her voice from the other side of the phone, not realizing they wouldn’t ever receive one, nothing from her ever again. Even the thought of it makes you nauseous. Guilt washes over you, heavy as a rock, pressing in on you like dirt. You should’ve done something more. Her family would’ve wanted you to do something more. You shouldn’t have let it end just like that. You shouldn’t have—God, you want to throw up.

“Hey,” Leon says from beside you as if sensing where your thoughts are headed. Slowly, you turn your head to the side, catch him staring worriedly at you. When he sees you staring, he gives you a reassuring smile, reaching over to pat you gently on the shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

He’s trying to comfort you in his own way, even if you don’t deserve it. Even if he probably needs it more than you do. God, he’s so nice you feel as if you could cry. “Yeah,” you say, trying to blink back the tears. “Yeah, I know.”

His gaze softens. “We’re going to get out of here, okay? And then we…” he trails off, scratches the back of his neck as if realizing he’s already run out of things to say. He glances at you, gives you a sheepish smile, and you can’t help the way your lips quirk into a smile; he really is so nice, and adorable to boot, too.

If Jen were here, she’d have teased you already, chiding you for developing a crush on a man you met literally just hours ago. But then you shake your head, push the thought away. Nope, no Jen. No bad thoughts.

There’s time for grief later, when everything’s said and done, but for now, there’s something else you need to focus on. “Do you think it’s just this city?”

He hums under his breath, as if thinking your words over. “I don’t know,” he says truthfully. “By the time I arrived here, everyone’s already like that.”

“Yeah,” you say, nodding sympathetically. That’s something you can relate to, at least. “Same here. I think we’ve both just got really shitty luck.”

He laughs, mildly amused by your statement, then shakes his head. Silence settles between you, broken quickly when he says your name. “You know, I’ve been wondering. How were you able to survive all this time without a weapon?”

You fish the rock out of your pocket, closing your palm over it and shaking it at him like a toy.

“A rock?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. He seems genuinely impressed. “And it worked?”

“I haven’t really tried using it,” you admit, shrugging. “But I couldn’t find anything else, and I figured that if I throw this really hard at their faces, it’d distract them long enough to forget about me.”

“Really,” he says flatly. He doesn’t look like he believes you, his face all scrunched up like he’s trying really hard not to laugh, and you give him a glare in response, shoving the rock back into your pocket. He shakes his head, snorting, though you can see now that his smile has morphed into a grin.

“Here,” he says after a moment, fishing for something out of his pocket. “Give me your hand.”

Reluctantly, you do as he asks. He presses something into your palm, closes your hand over it. Smooth as steel, cold to the touch, but warmed by his hands. A good kind of warmth, you think, though you won’t say it out loud. Slowly, you turn it over in your hands, trying to see it better, and it takes you a moment to realize that it’s a knife, glinting almost brightly in the moonlight.

“But it’s yours,” you say, frowning. You try to hand it over back to him, but he shakes his head, shoves his hands back into his pockets when it’s clear you aren’t just going to take no for an answer. “What if you need it?”

“I’ve got a gun,” he says, as if that’s enough of an answer. It’s not, you know, and you open your mouth to protest again, but he raises a hand, cuts you off before the words can leave your lips. “And that’s only in case we get separated. You’ve got nothing to worry about while I’m here, I promise.”

He smiles at you again, and it’s almost easy to get lost in it, in everything. For a second, you could almost forget everything terrible that’s already happened. The sea of corpses outside, the countless hordes of zombies still waiting to get a taste of you. Even the greatest poets couldn’t ever recreate a moment as romantic and as hopeful as this – and then as quickly as the thought comes, you push it away, shove it down.

Jesus. What the hell’s wrong with you? You shouldn’t even be thinking of something like this, especially when there are more pressing matters to think about. Like how to get out of this place alive, make it to the other side, get some help, maybe – in that order.

“Now, come on.” Gently, Leon takes your hand in his, pulls you along with him, oblivious to the pounding in your chest or the churning in your gut. “Let’s find a way out of here.”

It’s love at first sight. Or maybe you’ve hit your head against something one too many times. It wouldn’t be odd, considering that you’ve been running away from zombies for more than a few hours now. Or days. Nights. You can’t even tell anymore. But it’s love at first sight. It has to be. That, or just you’re thoroughly fucked in the head.

“Which way did you say it was again?” Leon asks, snapping you out of your reverie. You blink a few times, staring at him blankly in confusion, and he stares back at you, mirroring your own confusion with a furrow in his brow.

God, you want to reach out and smooth the crease out with your fingers, ease him of his worries. You shake your head, snap out of it. Maybe you really have lost it. Maybe you’ve got bitten and you didn’t just know it, and this is one of its symptoms, something that would inevitably get worse later on.

He meets your eyes. There’s worry in his expression now, and even the idea of him being concerned for you makes your stomach twist into knots. What the fuck is going on with you? “Are you okay?” he asks.

“Yep.” It comes out quick, sudden. From the way his eyes narrow, you can tell he doesn’t quite believe you, but you cut him off long before he could press you for more. “Just dandy. What was your question again?”

He blinks, startled that he’s nearly forgot. “Right.” He clears his throat. “Which way do you think we should go first?”

You hum under your breath, thinking. You’re flattered that he values your opinion enough to defer to you when it comes to matters like these. But you know nothing about this place, being just a visitor and all, and you’ve told him as much before, but he’d just been quick to shake it off, giving you that sweet signature smile that makes your heart all aflutter, patting you on the shoulder and telling you there’s no one else whose instincts he’d trust.

And when he says it like that, who are you to refuse? Still, you’re just worried you might just lead you both to the gallows, food for the zombies lurking around. It turns out the station isn’t entirely safe from them as you’d initially thought, but you find that you’re not as nearly worried as before. Maybe it’s because you’ve got Leon with you, whose mere presence is enough to ease your concerns.

Plus, he’s a weapons expert. Or maybe there’s no one else around to compare him to. You’re practically nothing next to him, only cheering him on from the sidelines as he brings down zombie after zombie (it’s still odd to call them that, but you’ve found that there’s no other name that fits), trying not to stare at him too much as he handles the shotgun with more ease than you can ever muster in your life. Okay, enough.

You glance at your surroundings. There are two hallways you can go to from here, split into left and right paths, both too dim for you to assess. As far as you know, these weren’t ever on the map, and it’s either too old that it’s forgotten to be included, or it’s a secret deliberately left out entirely. You bite your lip, chew it between your teeth.

Whichever path you pick, you know you’re in for a surprise. But there’s no getting out of this one. Leon’s still staring at you expectantly, and you hope that you’re leading him on a safe path at least. “Left, I think.”

“Yeah, okay.” He nods thoughtfully. “Left it is.”

He shines the flashlight in front of you. It’s not enough to see what’s waiting for you on the other side, but it’s enough to see whatever’s in front of you. Smooth marble tiles, free of blood and mud. That means no one’s ever been here yet until now, and briefly, you wonder what you’ll both find.

You frown, wrapping your arms around yourself. Suddenly, the idea of knowing what lies ahead seems a little too daunting, and instinctively, you walk a little closer to your companion, pressing against him like you’re desperate for comfort, his assurance.

He stops, turns to look at you. He must’ve seen the look in your eyes, the worry etched in them, and he reaches out with his free hand, squeezing your shoulder as he smiles at you. “It’s okay,” he says, and it’s almost easy to believe when he’s giving you that look again, the kind that seems like a promise that everything will be okay.

If it were anyone else, you would’ve shaken your head, would’ve hesitated. But it isn’t just anyone else; it’s him, it’s Leon, and when has he ever let you down? You nod, smile back at him. “Okay.”

You reach for him with grabby hands, and he laughs, though he takes your hand in his, and his skin is warm against yours, his touch familiar. He’s held your hands a lot of times now, enough that you’ve begun to lose count, but you don’t think you’ll ever get used to the feeling of his hands in yours, or to the way his warmth makes you feel all wiggly inside, your heart beating wildly against your chest, ready to spill out of you any minute. Not that you’d ever tell him that.

He squeezes your hand. “Ready to find out if there’s a big, mean zombie on the other side?” His voice is playful, teasing. He’s trying to get your mind off things, trying to ease your worries – something only he knows how to do.

You laugh, squeeze his hand back. “Yeah.”

Together, the two of you step forward into the dark, and for the first time in your life, you don’t feel completely scared.

There’s only one room in this hallway, and it turns out there’s nothing in here but boxes. Stacks of them, high enough to reach the ceiling. Some old things left behind by people who probably don’t work here anymore, or by people who’ve long since passed away. Either way, there’s nothing for you here except a few supplies: a box of old ammo, a really old gun – something he’s quick to stow away for later use, refusing to hand it over to you even when you’d pouted and glared. There’s also a rusty combat knife placed on top of one of the boxes, but you know that if the zombies don’t get to you first, the infection you get from even using this will, so you’ve mostly left it alone.

“Seems like this is it, huh,” Leon comments from beside you. His voice is soft, quiet, though with how quiet it is, his words echo in the hollow space, bouncing against the walls and then back. You frown, look around you, afraid the noise will wake some ancient being slumbering beneath, but there’s only nothing in here but silence. And dust, lots and lots of dust.

“You think there’s a secret door here somewhere?” you ask, leaning close to whisper. You still don’t like the way your voice seems to echo, so you try your best to keep quiet, afraid that someone really will come crashing against the walls any minute, the way the other zombies seem to do.

He smiles, his eyes twinkling in amusement. Still, he doesn’t dismiss you outright; he shines the light around him, does another brief search with his gaze. He turns to you, shakes his head, still smiling. “I don’t think there’s anything else in here.”

You nod. “We should see what the other hallway holds. Maybe we’ll find a knife we can actually use.”

He hums in agreement, reaches for you with his hand. “Shall we?”

He doesn’t even need to ask twice; you let him take your hand, let him pull you along, out of this place, and into another unknown.

The right hallway is more like a maze than the left one; there are more doors, more rooms lined up side by side, its doors patterned with symbols you couldn’t understand. This place seems like it’s been frequented, visited often before being completely abandoned, forgotten entirely. Broken windows, marble floors littered with cracks, some tiles sticking out like puzzle pieces. Shards of mirror here and there, the edges dark with something akin to rust. Or is it dried blood?

The thought of it makes you shiver, and you shake your head, try not to think about it. Still, you can’t stop the way your stomach churns in fear, how the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. Something’s happened here, once.

Curiosity gets the best of you for the first time. You’re moving before you can think, exploring without a care in the world, your footsteps echoing in the silence as you push on doors, turning the knobs, trying to see which ones would open, which ones wouldn’t. You’re only lucky you’ve got Leon by your side, stopping you each time you attempt to go farther.

“Hey, don’t,” he warns, pulling you back against him before you can move to open another door. He throws you a disapproving glance, pushes you behind him, blocking you with an arm as if to shield you from whatever’s up ahead.

Warmth blooms in the pit of your stomach, and you bite the inside of your cheek, grateful he isn’t looking at you, afraid he’ll see the heat creeping up your cheeks, how flushed you feel all over all of a sudden.

There’s a rumble somewhere in front of you, and all thoughts of him quickly disappear. You look around you, trying to find the source, but there’s only nothing but darkness ahead. It takes you a second to realize that the rumbling’s not coming from in front of you, but beneath you, and you only manage to yell out a quick warning before you’re tumbling down the floor and into another unknown.

It's comical, how quickly things had gone south. He grabs your hand, tries to save you, pulling you back, but he too, loses his footing, the broken floor crumbling with his weight. He tumbles down with you, and ever the hero, he rolls you over, wraps his arms around you as he bears the full brunt of the fall. You land on top of him, your head resting against his chest, completely unharmed. You don’t think you could say the same about him, though, if the little pained noises he makes are of any indication.

“Leon?”

He hisses in response; it takes him a second to fully answer your question. “Still… alive. Mostly.” He tries to laugh it off, but it comes out as a wheeze, and you curse under your breath, wondering if he’s broken a bone trying to cushion your fall.

“Shit.” You scramble away, but it’s hard to move when you can barely see anything around you. “Are you okay? Did you break anything?”

“I don’t think so,” he replies, though it’s not hard to know that he’s lying. He’s probably trying not to worry you too much, and you can’t help but feel a little bad about it. You hear the rustle of a fabric, chalk it up to him sitting up, slowly moving around. You make grabby motions with your hands, trying to reach blindly for him in the dark, and it’s almost second nature by now, how quickly you find his hands, how easily he could guess what you’re thinking, letting you take his hand in yours.

“Leon?” you say again, and he hums under his breath, just to tell you that he’s still there, still listening. He squeezes your hand comfortingly. “Can you turn the light on?”

“Okay.” Gently, he pulls away from your grip, and you hate how quickly you miss the warmth of his hand in yours, the familiarity of his touch. Still, you wait with bated breath, listen to him scrambling in the dark, searching for his things.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath, and you don’t like the way he says it, a little fearful, almost panicky. “I think I dropped it.”

Shit indeed. “Really?”

“It’s not with me,” he says. You hear the sound of fabric rustling again, though the search is quicker this time, yielding the same results. “I think I lost it earlier when we were falling.”

“Oh.” Now you feel doubly bad. If only you hadn’t been too curious; if only you’d heeded his warnings. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Now he’s the one who’s reaching for you, taking your hand in his, and it amazes you how easily your hand fits into his grip, as if it’s meant to be there all along. You bite your lip, shove the thought down. Not the time. “It’s not your fault.”

“I know,” you say, because it’s the only thing you could think of saying. “But still—”

“Hey, no worries,” he says, cuts you off before you could even finish speaking. He squeezes your hand once more, a silent reassurance. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Here’s the secret room you’ve been telling me all along,” he continues after a pause, and you could hear the smile in his voice, that playfulness he tries so hard to affect. God, he’s really trying to cheer you up, isn’t he? And you don’t even deserve it. You think you might just burst into tears. “Maybe we’ll find something here.”

You blink back the tears. “Like a flashlight?” you ask, deciding to play along.

“Yep.” Gently, he pulls you to your feet, refusing to let you go even as you find your balance. “Maybe a whole lot of things, too. A knife for you to use, not rusty, of course.”

You laugh. You feel light all of a sudden, like you’re not even certain what you’re even feeling bad about. “Okay,” you say after a moment, huffing out a breath. “Let’s go.”

He doesn’t say anything in response, but he gives your hand another squeeze, warm, familiar, and it’s enough of an answer. You walk ahead, further into the dark.

You can’t see anything in this place. You can’t even tell if there are windows around, or if there are doors, some other rooms aside from this. So far, you haven’t heard any zombies stirring about – which is at least a load off your back, because you wouldn’t know how to fight them off in the dark and you definitely have no intention of trying.

“Hey,” Leon mutters from beside you, and he’s so close that you could feel his breath against your ear, warm, ticklish. You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to fight back a shiver. “I can’t see anything in here.” He pauses, as if looking around, then leans in again, whispering the words against your ear. You can’t tell if he’s doing this on purpose. “Can you?”

You shake your head, too nervous to even say anything out loud. Upon realizing he couldn’t actually see you, however, you clear your throat, voice the word out loud “No,” you say, and you hate how weak your voice is, how breathless it sounds against your ears.

He hums under his breath, thinking. “We should probably keep close,” he suggests, “Stick to the walls, find out if there’s a window somewhere or if there’s a room that has one.”

“Okay.” It’s a sound suggestion, one you can’t even protest to – not that you would, anyway, especially when you trust him with your life, but still. You feel like there’s something missing, even if you can’t bring yourself to say it out loud.

Not that it matters, anyway, especially when you’ve got a mind reader for a companion. Or maybe he just knows you too well. He reaches for your hand, takes it in his, twining your fingers together.

“There,” he says, and you could hear the smile in his voice, that mild trace of amusement he’s not even bothering to hide. “Now you won’t get in trouble.”

You’d scoff if you weren’t so giddy right now.

You don’t even where you are at this point. You’re still lost, that much is clear, but you’ve been lost since the beginning that it doesn’t really make much of a difference. Still, it’s getting tiring only walking around in circles, never reaching any new place, not even a way out.

It shouldn’t be too bad of a journey with Leon as your companion. He’s a careful explorer, not at all like you, keeping you close at all times, tightening his grip on your hand each time he’s convinced that the floors might crumble again a second time.

It should feel romantic, and in a way, it is, especially when he’s so keen on keeping you safe from harm, but you still can’t shake off the feeling of dread, even if you don’t quite know why.

It’s hard to see anything in the dark, and so far, you still haven’t come across any window, which makes exploring extra difficult. You can’t tell if you’re just lost, circling the same place over and over for the hundredth time, or if you’re somewhere new entirely, traversing into new territory. But there’s no other choice but to keep going.

Okay. If you weren’t sure what’s wrong before, then you certainly have an answer now. You’re being watched, and by something you can’t actually see. You’ve mostly ignored it at first, chalked it up to plain paranoia, but the dread becomes more and more prominent the further you walk.

You stop for a second, look around you, trying to see where it comes from, where it could be hiding. You find nothing of note, not an answer, not even anything short of a clue – just a sea of darkness stretching out on all sides. You frown, not quite liking this at all, but you keep your mouth shut and soldier on, knowing you couldn’t worry your companion over something that isn’t entirely concrete, based only on a gut feeling.

You follow after him, gripping his hand tighter, reminding yourself of his presence. He’s still here, still beside you. He squeezes back, a seemingly automatic response, and you exhale a breath, feeling slightly relieved.

You walk forward. The hallways are getting narrower now, and you’re certain you haven’t been to this part before. Still, you can’t shake off the feeling of dread, that prickle at the back of your neck, and briefly, you wonder if you’re being led into a trap or if you’re actually making good progress.

You haven’t noticed you’ve stopped walking until you feel the gentle tug on your arm. “Hey.” His voice snaps you out of your thoughts, and you blink a few times, focusing on the sound of his voice, the warmth of his body beside you. Real, solid. Steady. “Are you okay?”

The concern is clear in his voice, unmistakable, and you can’t stop the way your heart gives a sudden lurch, your chest fluttering as if you’ve swallowed a mouthful of butterflies. “Yeah,” you lie, and from the way he’s humming under his breath, it’s clear that he doesn’t buy it.

“Did you find anything?”

“Not really,” you say, which is a bit of the truth. You glance around you, still feeling slightly on edge, but you don’t want to give him more reason to worry, not when you’re not sure of anything yourself, so you force a smile on your face – as if it’d somehow make him believe you. “I’ll be fine. No need to worry about me, really.”

“Come on,” he says. It sounds chiding, like he can’t believe you’d even say that. “You know I’ll always worry about you.”

You blink, not quite expecting that. You open your mouth, close it again, feeling like you should say something, but not quite sure what. Silence hangs between the two of you, awkward and heavy. He’s the first to break it off, clearing his throat, quickly changing the subject.

“We should get a move on,” he says. He’s careful not to mention anything about earlier, and you can’t tell if you should be grateful or not. “I think we’re making some progress. We’ll just need to find an exit, get somewhere new.”

You’re still too stunned to give a proper response, so all you could do is nod dumbly and follow after him.

You find that it’s good progress, at least. You’ve found a few rooms with a few windows, high up that you can’t climb up and see what’s on the other side, but it allows a sliver of light to spill through so you’re not completely shrouded in the dark. That feeling of dread still hasn’t gone away even now, following you from room to room, haunting you like a ghost no matter how much you try to forget about it.

But it still hasn’t shown itself, which you suppose is good. You’ll have plenty of time to prepare, just in case it’s something you need to fight. You exhale another breath, shifting closer to your companion as if his presence alone would be enough to ease your worries.

He’s poking around the room, trying to find something he can use, and you’re following after him like a lost puppy, not wanting to be alone for a single minute. He doesn’t seem to mind. So far, he’s found very little: just a torch, a box of matches that miraculously still works, another rusty knife, and a flashlight that has no batteries in it. Great.

He stops walking, turns to face you with a furrow on his brow. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” The lie comes quick, easy. Somehow, he’s even harder to convince when you’re no longer in the safety of the dark, your emotions hidden like a veil.

He frowns, looks around him. “Did you find another zombie lurking around?”

You open your mouth, say something in protest, but he’s shaking his head, refuses to let you finish. “Come on,” he says, squeezing your hand and lacing your fingers together. His touch is warm, comforting as is the rest of him. “You know you can tell me anything.”

You close your eyes, open them again, huffing out another breath. “Not a zombie, no,” you say truthfully, pausing as you try to find the right words. Even now, you still can’t explain it. “Just… I don’t know. A gut feeling? I can’t tell what it is yet, but it feels like there’s something watching us.”

He raises an eyebrow. “A ghost?”

You start to shake your head, then stop when you see the look on his face, rolling your eyes and smiling. “I’m not sure there’s a ghost in here, Leon.”

He shrugs. “We’ve seen plenty of things already. What’s one more?”

You laugh. “You’re right. But we can’t fight off a ghost.”

His voice grows quiet then, drops to a whisper. He sounds suddenly serious. “I’d do it for you.”

You blink, unsure if you’ve even heard him correctly. There’s a buzzing in your head, a pounding against your ears. You can’t hear anything but the sound of your heart beating wildly against your chest, ready to spill out. All of a sudden, your throat feels very dry. You can’t find the right words. You lick your lips, try again. “What?”

“Nothing,” he says, just a little too quickly. You open your mouth, wanting to ask more, but he’s not looking at you. He’s turned his head away now, avoiding your gaze. You can’t see his face, his expression. “We should go. We’ve still got an exit to find.”

You wonder if he’s already regretting saying anything at all. But then he reaches out, extends a hand in your direction, like he’s waiting for you to take it. He’s still not looking at you, but he doesn’t grab your hand like he usually does. Instead, he’s hesitating, like he’s testing the waters again, gauging your reaction. The closest thing to admission you’ll ever get. And a question.

You bite the inside of your cheek, trying not to smile. It’s routine now at this point, as natural as breathing; there’s no other course of action to take, no other answer. You place your hand in his, watch as he draws out a breath, his shoulders drooping, all the tension in him suddenly disappearing.

His hand closes in around yours, familiar, comforting. Safe. He’s still not looking at you, still not saying anything, but he’s lacing your fingers together, and your hand fits in his like a puzzle piece, and this too, feels like a confession. An echo.

#renwrites #leon kennedy x reader #leon x reader #resident evil x reader

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byima · 8 months

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it's been a year daddy...

I'm kidding, but truthfully, I've been pretty disappointed this last month that you didn't upload something new.

(I can't believe it's only been a month! This isn't even unusual for you lol, I know how often you update)

But then I actually realized how selfish I was being.

You more than likely have a busy life, either because school's starting again or something else. I'm barely getting enough sleep trying to keep up with school, writing a fanfic would be the last thing on my mind. Which, p.s, I said I'd complete in November myself lol and here I am being hypocritical.

Just know that PLEASE don't worry about fanfics and tumblr, because sometimes that's what I do (as a new fanfic writer). Just in case you're worrying yk.

I'm cheering you on even tho I don't know you, because your writing makes me feel so happy. But priortize YOU first 💐

sorry just wanted to get that off my chest cuz I miss u

xxx

started scary, ended well LOLOL

love this character development for you. the only thing that worries me about this fic is that it might rot in my brain forever and never come out and be stinky and smelly and whatnot.

i will upload the next chapter as soon as i finish begging pleading imploring that you never call me daddy again lol

#ask tag

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m34gs · 10 months

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Hey meags! It’s that one person who keeps commenting on ur idikali fic yup the one with rook pfp but I wanted to ask some idikali questions cause you’re like the ceo of it and you seem to really enjoy talking abt them so how do u think Kalim would treat Ortho once he starts developing feelings for Idia? Would he treat Ortho like a sibling, try to get close to him? How would Idia handle dating a boy with thirty siblings? That’s gotta be a nightmare for an introvert like him, lord… 😭 but yeah just wanted to stop by cause ur fic rotted my brain with them they’re so cute

Hello! It's so nice to talk to you 🥰💜 I want you to know that I just woke up, and your ask made me so happy I decided I wanted to answer it while eating my breakfast and having some tea, before I go to work. I'm also very flattered and honoured that you would think of me as the CEO of Kalim x Idia; that's so very sweet of you! I really do love talking about them, and I am glad it shows.

For how Kalim would treat Ortho:

Kalim's an older brother, with a lot of younger siblings. He also is really cheerful in his disposition and is kind to everyone. He's very sentimental and loves to help others. I think Kalim would easily treat Ortho kindly.

While initially, he treats Ortho with the same kindness and enthusiasm that he treats everyone, I think that will change a bit as he realizes his feelings for Idia. Kalim may be very emotional and openly sentimental, but even he is not immune to the "oh I have a crush oh no what if my crush finds out I'm crushing on them" phenomenon so many people end up going through. He'd be a little bit nervous, and much as he asks Jamil for help, he isn't really reassured. He knows Ortho is very close to Idia, and he knows the brothers are very smart. If anything, I think for a short period of time he would start trying to (politely) avoid interactions with Ortho.

Of course, Ortho would definitely pick up on this. I think he would feel more than a little saddened, and I definitely think he would corner Kalim one day and ask him why. That would break the silence, and Kalim would spill the beans. In my mind, Ortho would end up delighted, and Kalim would feel so relieved because he really enjoys Ortho's presence. I think from that point forward, Kalim and Ortho would start to bond a lot more. Ortho starts helping Kalim woo Idia, because let's be honest, he knows Idia best. I think Kalim would take to treating Ortho much like a younger brother at that point, and Ortho would be thrilled to have someone like Kalim in his life.

For how Idia handles Kalim's siblings:

Oh boy. Ohhhhhhh boy. Have you ever seen a bunch of excited and eager kiddos find a shy cat at a birthday party?

At first, Idia is definitely overwhelmed by the sheer amount of siblings Kalim has. And they're all younger. They're eager to meet him and probably shouting and calling for his attention, maybe even physically coming up and tugging on his arms or clinging to him.

I think it would take several visits before he even comes close to being able to talk with any of them.

But here's the thing: as shy as he is, we also know Idia tries his best to be a good big brother to Ortho, and he has a bit of an ego. All it takes is for one of the kids to proudly show him their video games and beg him to play. Immediately, among the kiddos, he is Kalim's Super Cool Boyfriend who really rocks at video games. And, while I think that would really make Idia feel proud of himself, I think it would also trigger his older brother instincts and make him want to be around the kiddos more.

We know from his interactions with Muscle Red online that he can be a mentor figure in video games when he wants to. I think suddenly Idia is the go-to for the kids when they have a new game, beat their own high scores, or are stuck on a really hard level and need pointers. And Idia is all-too-happy to be involved like this. He's praising them and giving them pointers, and I think he'd be gentler with them than he is with his own peers, because I think he would feel toward them as if they are Ortho.

He becomes more and more confident around the siblings, and they really idolize him. At times, it seems they want him around more than they want Kalim. Kalim definitely pouts over this, especially because he just wants time with his boyfriend but his younger siblings stole Idia the moment he walked through the door. Worry not, Kalim, Idia is still an introvert. He will need time to recharge...and you know what that means! Cuddles with the boyfriend!!!!

Thank you again for this lovely ask! Your comments always make my day, and often I find myself rereading them when I need a serotonin boost. Finding this ask in my inbox this morning made me feel so happy💜💜💜 Have a wonderful day!

#asks #twisted wonderland #kalim x idia #kalim/idia #kalim al asim #idia shroud #anonymous #your ask made my day so much brighter and it's not even 8 am yet!#thank you!

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yostresswritinggirl · 1 year

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so idk if u write for scara but i just desperately need to get this out to smn its been stewing in my brain everynight for the past week

u can take this as a req or as js a little discussion abt scara ig? up to u

so what if reader was made to be a doll but when raiden created scara, some of that divine power leaked out by accident and brought reader to life?

readers creator, lets call them r/c, is a dollmaker, who makes different sized dolls for a living, and he makes life sized dolls sometimes

so reader was made by r/c, and when r/c went to bed after completing reader's main body and features, ei's divine power somehow leaked out? and brought reader to life.

idk how r/c would react but i have 2 ideas

no 1: r/c cant support another living bring bc hes barely coping with his meager income, so he lets reader free to fend for themselves

no 2: r/c figures he could get reader to be his maid/servant and mistreats them; doesnt feed them well, no proper living conditions bc hes broke

and the night reader tries to escape, r/c almost catches them, but a gust of wind blew past reader, allowing them to run faster and escape, essentially having freedom. basically, venti gave them an anemo vision, bc reader fought for their freedom kinda?

this is their first betrayal, with their creator abandoning/mistreating them, similar to scara

nect ,reader finds a village and makes a friend, ill call them f/n. so f/n and reader become closer, and reader finds out f/n steals things for the thrill of it. one day, f/n drags reader along on one of their theiving trips, and gets discovered. f/n disregars reader, and escapes without sparing a glance for reader. reader gets caught and takes the blame for the theft. this is the 2nd betrayal, where a friend turns on them

after escaping? finishing the punishment that was met out to them, reader finds a cat maybe? idk abt this one

but they become inseparable. think of tomo and his cat maybe? reader and the cat would chill tgt and cat would sit on readers head or shoulders and nuzzle into their hair or cheek. but one day the cat gets sick and reader goes out to find some medicine/herbs to help

but by the time reader gets back, the cat succumed to its illness and passed

ik these are all pretty similar to scaras backstory but im not creative ok 😪

all i started out with was reader being a doll lol and i came up with these from the timespan of 11pm to 2am

as im writing this its 12.40am lol

reader and scara meet, and scara realises theyre just like him

one is a puppet, the other a doll, and both went through similar experiences

scara and reader open up to each other eventually and fnd company in each other ig idk

another one could be r/c treated reader like his own child, but died of age eventually, and reader is alone, then meets scara after hes gone through his 3 betrayals

scara trusts them bc theyre a doll, similar to him being a puppet. but bc reader was brought up with love, they are a lot more caring and kind, and they cause scara to develop a soft spot idk

this was just rotting in my brain for the past few nights so yea 🧍

love ur work btw 😍

they always make me go awooga in excitement whrn u have a new post

*shakes head* I do write for Scaramouche but I don't have my requests open so please keep that in mind

I'll try to make sense of this with my sleepy mind hhh *cleaning glasses* I don't really have much to say for fear that it might spill over to my puppet fic already and you pretty much got the details down, but a replica of his story with so many side characters doesn't sit right with me

I do very much lean on the creator tending to them - actually the set up is quite complicated and uhhh I honestly thought they'd be a doll made for Kuni or a doll commissioned by Raiden haha. We can say that the thing that made them come to life is archon residue and that the dollmaker either slowly became corrupted while in the presence of the doll or like Teppei and met an early death

From then on it could be that the people they want to get close to or even those that have bad intentions always die in their presence and so they became closed off, viewed as cursed, and scared to be near others. And since Scaramouche is a puppet, he doesn't have to worry about dying in their presence so he's pretty much the only one they can even be close to!

Maybe Scaramouche might go mad down the route from the exposure (angst) or upon acquiring the gnosis, the divine power cleansed the archon residue or exchanged it with the gnosis' power to make them alive (good)

Thank you very much for your support, ah I really need to work on writing, bastard sickness getting in the way

#exile.goblet #erosdevil #scaramouche #exile.reader

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painonthebrain · 1 month

Text

I’m gonna be honest watching everything with @/emmettworld go down is just kinda sad and also makes me. Conflicted?

Idk proship vs anti shit below cut im just . I probably shouldnt be writing anything rn bc my brain isn’t functioning for. Some fucking reason but whatever i do what i want

Like I don’t define myself as proship bc I think the whole pro vs anti thing is like. Ugh I can’t find the words. Idk it’s like.

Like I don’t want to call myself proship because. I have so many friends who will tear me apart for that and itll ruin our relationships and I love them and also I hate like. Having to attribute myself to a “side” but like. I’m completely fine with everything fictional. Yes. I don’t care, as long as it’s properly tagged, warned, etc.

Also I ship stuff like selfcest and clonecest so. Idk I don’t think antis do that.

And anti culture reeks of ew ew ew this (fiction) is gross! It shouldn’t exist AT ALL! And proship culture reeks of oh my god these stupid baby minors this is FICTION. DUH. Youre all beneath me

Anyway I know theres at least one moot i i can think of who has proship dni in their intro and like... if ur reading this. hi. I dont call myself proship but i certainly have some of the beliefs which is why i interact but if you’re uncomfortable u can totally block me like. Im not doing this to be some shady imposter who lurks in the dark i just dont label myself as any of this shit!!

im like. Lowkey terrified of how people are going to react to this post bc im HORRIBLE at using my words rn but like.

Like i just want people to make whatever tf they want to make! It shouldn’t be a person’s problem to “sanitize” themselves! And also fictional characters are quite literally made up people we create to do whatever the fuck we want to them! But also it’s important (in my opinion) to be at least a little critical of what you make. But also you shouldn’t have to file down your expression. But alsO-

Like there are so many factors to well. Factor in when it comes to fiction! And i try so hard to develop my media literacy (even with my underdeveloped baby frontal lobe) every day but even so these topics can be hard to navigate

Anyway yeah no conclusion paragraph because as you can probably tell from my writing. I have no idea what im saying i just feel the need to say something

Idk i just feel like a neurotic prey animal right now like im like.

Ok ok time to get personal guys

I have like MAJOR irrational fears that i am a horrible person like. Almost constantly and pro vs anti discourse makes that shit go fucking WILD. anyway. Yeah i have like this almost fanatic paranoid fear that no matter how hard i try i am a Bad Person and that im like. Metaphorically rotting from the inside and eventually i will expose it to everyone that i am Bad and Awful and Nasty and that even then when everything goes bad ill be completely unaware of my own inherent corruptness and that i will eventually hurt people or whoever i have the capacity to hurt and that things are doomed to fail for me because im such an abhorrent person

Anyway yeah those thoughts are obviously NONSENSICAL because… what??? The fuck????

But then my brain is like ooh yeah lets introduce some fucked up thoughts in here. Intrusive thoughts, if you will. Which all span many nasty awful things that are usually highly morally corrupt and wow I wonder if that ties into all that i said before? Yep it probably does!

Which makes me anxious as hell because then im also convincing myself that those thoughts are real and are my own thoughts and wants. Which FUCKS ME UPPP

So anyway that’s why I don’t label myself as pro or anti because proship makes me feel like im a horrible person who will hurt people and is disgusting and awful (also the intrusive thoughts) and the anti label goes against my very strong beliefs of freedom of creation and expression etc.

Yay rant vent brain barf over!!!!

#elec rambles #rant #vent #i really dont know if it qualifies as either of these but whatever #its like a weird amalgamation of the two #yeah im sorry i kind of dropped into a tangent #anyway if i never acknowledge this again so be it #i was gonna tag this as psa but. i really think i shouldnt

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eitelle · 3 years

Text

Kenma Kozume Headcanons

Genre: fluff, angst if u squint

Warning(s): cursing, mentions of an ED, and slight mentions of a panic attack

Pairing(s): kenma kozume x gn!reader

A/n: hi everyone kinda been a lil mia lately sorry but this is just kenma brain rot to fill my needs and it’s just pure like self indulgent writing so it’s not proofread and is basically things I hc him doing, to make me feel better :)) make sure to drink water and eat food ur body deserves nutrients. And if no ones told u yet, I love you and I’m proud of you!! (Look at u go purr period) ok have a good day loves!! Also my inbox is always open so feel free to flood w requests or just to rant. Damn this was long sorry KAJSBD <3 -Elle 🦶

Alr let’s get into it why don’t we. This is just hcs in general so no particular anything, so it’s very random pls

Pretty boy would have u and him hugging or gaming as his lockscreen and his homescreen

I feel like he def used to compare himself to other people, so if he ever saw u doing that he would fs cuddle you, praise you, and actually show pda bc u deserve it !!

Would drop his games for you.

I HAVE SAID THIS BEFORE AND I WILL SAY IT AGAIN. ALL U MFS WHO SAY HE WOULD CALL U KITTEN ARE WRONG (in my humble opinion ofc) BC THAT MF BULLIES THIS TALL ASS WHITE HAIRED RUSSIAN HYBRID aka lev 24/7. HE WOULD NOT CALL U KITTEN PLS HIS ONLY SOFT SPOT IS FOR SHOYO !!!!

I don’t ship kenhina btw but if u do thats chill, I just mean as besties 😋☝️

Mf is a dry ass texted but beats up kuroo for using cat emojis and only kuroo

If u were nekomas manager he would go just for you. Damn mans is whipped

If u can bake he will propose. And I’m not saying that figuratively. Like kozu will get on one knee and be like “will u make me the happiest man on this earth and MARRY ME SO I CAN HAVE THESE DESSERTS EVERYDAY”

Is secretly vv possesive (ooh kinky 😳🥴) and will mark you (iyk what I mean) (ps I mean like hell make ur gaming tags kenmay/n345 or summ PLSS)

Bby boy will mf drag u places if he rly wants too bc mans is needy for quality time and like hand holding

Vv touch starved but also just wants ur prescience by him

Ok so I hc that at one point of his life, he got so into gaming or summ and then WAIT DID A FUCKING RYAN HIGA COME UP ON MY PLAYLIST I- sorry that was random. Anyways, he stopped eating slowly and accidentally developed an ED

So when y’all started dating, you would share ur plate w him and now even tho his minor ED is gone (thank god I hate that hc bc I hate seeing bub in pain 😔👊 but I still feel like it’s accurate) he can’t eat wo sharing ur plate if ur w him bc it doesn’t feel right

CLINGY ‼️ BOY ‼️

He likes being the little spoon bc he likes when he gets held bc like I said, touch starved bby, but he also loves being big spoon bc that means he gets to hold you 🥺🥺

Tell me why I feel like this man would clown u over liking to read even tho he does too

If u make one spelling mistake, ur done for. That’s ur contact name now until u make a funnier one

Has made matching sweatshirts for u two (sugar daddy kenma 🤑🤑)

When he gets bored he looks at wedding rings PLS

His most used emoji is this one 🥱 bc the gc (w anyone in it tbh 💀) annoys him so he uses it a lot.

His second most used one is 😚 bc he is secretly soft w u

Has and would wear a maid dress (that’s so hot goodbye)

Three words. Sugar daddy kenma.

Three more words. Soft boy kenma.

Those are his two moods 😋🦶

Would hate it if I used the foot emoji randomly even tho I do but he still prob hates it pls-

I FEEL LIKE HES INTO ASTROLOGY IDK WHY

secretly a weeb? secretly a weeb.

He’s a nerd pls

When he’s the ceo of bouncing ball Corp- 🥴😻😋🥺💗💖💕💓. Ew Michelle stop this is hcs not u thirsting over kozu. Stop. Touch grass.

Has and will pick up ur ‘slang’ or how u text (if ur not a dry texter bc that’s already him)

Shows his love wo words if that makes sense. Like ik it does but like idk how to elaborate. Imma just leave that there then 😋

Can we all collectively agree that kenma would spoil u and not him? Like I just feel like his mind is:

You

Video games

Food

Spending time with you

Him

Kuroo

Like I just feel like that’s his mind

Guys I’m so in love w him and I’m still confused as to what his last name or first name is help. Like my friend told me his first name is kozume but then google is confusing me help.

SMART ‼️ BOI ‼️

Def loves study dates

Will act cold but then will also not? Idk mans is just so like half and half. WAIT FUCK DO I HAVE A TYPE? Kenma, kags, todoroki... FUCK.

Anyways...

have a panic attack? Kenma is there to help. Cant game? Issok Kenma will help. Shy and touch deprived? So is he. But he’s still there to help. Getting a feel for what I’m saying?

He will and has made playlists for every date y’all go on, even if it’s the same thing, he will still make a new playlist

Makes food terribly. Like he cannot cook for shit.

Ideal date: bullying kids in roblox together/making drama in royale high 🥺😻 wow so romantic 🤠

I’m not joking tho that seems like such a fun date pls-

If you wanna talk shit ab anyone this bitch has dirt on them I just know it-

Has an album of photos of just u 🥺

If he smells food, he will run to it idc what he’s doing he will run to it

*y’all cuddling*

*he smells hot food*

*your boyfriend: gone.* 🤨🤨

LIKE THIS BITCH- I understand tho.

SWEET MF TOOTH

Immediate brownie points if u smell good

If u cant game, that’s like telling a frat boy ur a virgin.

If you don’t LIKE to game tho, that’s like telling a frat boy u don’t wanna hook up

Censors the word k*ss I just know it.

He would be the one to tell u I l*ve you first but u would initiate the first k*ss

Secretly loves it when kuroo ships u two 😚😻

HELP THIS WAS SO LONG- anyways hope u enjoyed !!

General taglist: @babyshoyo

#haikyuu!!#haikyu oneshots #haikyu x reader #PLS HELP I LOVE HIM SM ALSJJEJND #haikyu fanfiction #haikyuu smau #haikyu headcanons #kenmasimpnation #kenma kozume #kenma fanfic #kenma x yn #kenma x reader #kenma x you #kenma x gender neutral reader #kenma headcanons #kenma hcs #kenma oneshot #eitelle writes

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beelspillowpet · 3 years

Note

I saw ur obey me rants and loved them all. I esp love how u said it all with ur whole chest. My thing w Lilith is that she bothered MC about helping her crazy ass brothers when WHO’S GONNA HELP MC? “They need you!” What they need is a family therapist and a foot up they ass. Tf I’m gon do for ur heavily traumatized brothers? And why did EYE have to get traumatized in the process of helping they needy asses? During lesson 16 I just wanted MC to look at the brothers like “fuck off” when they started doting on them when they found out. Especially to belphie. (Sidenote: I saw somebody say that if u hate belphie ur a hypocrite bc all the brothers tried to kill you. Some ppl truly have brain rot from hell. And I actually like the little asshole, but not in an “uwu love u” way but in a “fuck u u little brat ❤️ ur brother is the only good thing about u. ur lucky I have horrible taste” way ). Happy birthday!!!

I honestly, believe it or not, never thought of that too much either. "What about MC?"

Who is going to help us through suddenly being ripped from our lives? No matter how good or bad it is, no matter how good it may become to just stay here where we may be pampered and spoiled by some or all of the guys, we were still kidnapped. There's also the factor of manipulation which they ALL HAVE by thrusting THEIR PROBLEMS unto you the player, and then praising you when you solve them, as basic of communication problems seems to be the root of all agony in that god damned house. That and functioning listening skills from.. ALL OF THEM.

While Belphie was and always will be the hottest topic from the game as far as controversy has it, his section was the best and worst of the "game" so far. And I and many others have poked holes in it so often that it may as well be broken in pieces on the ground.

I've grown to love Belphie, through my main story of the twins. And this is saying a LOT considering Belphie in Jinx and Jin's storyline is arguably the worst development of a character, morally, I have ever created. He makes Jinx relive her trauma- the root of why she was brought there in the first place- and undoes almost a years worth of progress, as well as all the incredible progress made in the mental hospital she had been sent to in the story.

He loves Jinx eventually. He adores her and calls her the best thing to happen to his family. They talk about the stars together, they talk about tattoos and piercings, she even goes with him to get his own and holds his hand through the process. She talks about her scars and how she'll never heal from the pain, but she's learned to be proud that she made it, and it inspires Belphie to think the same. She's taught him to be at peace, to meditate, to let go for a little bit. I've learned to love Belphie through my writing of his character and how to properly "redeem a murderer".

But to simply say "well they all did it" isn't true. Verbal threat and physical harm are two different things. Both are very damaging, absolutely. I can't speak for everyone in their experiences in life, nor do I aim to say that everyone should agree with me when I say that verbal threat isn't worse than physical harm, but in my very personal opinion, and from how I was raised, verbal threats can be taken serious, but not a call to action.

If Asmo threatened to eat my heart, I'd welcome him to try as I firmly plant my foot past the rings of his ass. I wish a mutherfucker would. I'm not all that physically capable, but canon be damned, I'll fuck a mfer up. It feels like people who make this excuse are grasping at straws to justify the lil shit. Just say he's a piece of shit and go bang him. I'D still bang him anyway-

(Thank you btw hun!!! <3)

#yeah i rambled so what LOL #BIRTHDAY #jinx asks #nonna

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radbutsafe · 3 years

Note

ALL FUCKIN 35 OF THEM SKLNWESDJFPXO

I SHOULDVE EXPECTED THIS FROM YOU

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

A three! I think I’m mid range cause I ain’t terrible but there is still shit I gotta improve and grow in my writing

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

to manifest what canon won’t give me and to write more! (though yes it is mainly about the smooching and the— I’ll stop there LOL)

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Hm! My weird research details? I’m that “fun fact, did you know...” in my fics sometimes LOL! I plan on giving a penthouse for erina in a fic and I went through penthouse listings in Japan for floor layouts and locations💀 my research gives me inspo and depth to stuff I think I lack in comparison to others sometimes.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

In terms of fellow fic writers, one of them I can’t name here but she’s an inspiration with her exceptional gift for prose period and her lovely skill at comedy! I want to be as funny as her when I write, I love her ironic situational humor. Other fic writers are @takoyakitenchou, @royaldragonsevgisi15 who I always love sharing ideas with and motivate me to create more! For non-fic writers it would be V.E. Schwab, Leigh Bardugo, Oda, and Horikoshi! The last two may be mangaka, however they are writers as well to create their stories! The depth these creators have given their worlds and interesting characters theyve given life to are all what I aspire to be like!

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

so far uh?? hm everything I’m currently writing are wips lol!! im proud of my wip that has been nicknamed ‘soma panics’ that is a multi-chapter fic that spans like probs 20 plus chapters maybe

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

dialogue! it’s so much fun! and character thoughts. I’ve said to people I may be better suited for script writing

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

I think it’s description, of like setting and showing action. also an expansion of my vocabulary LOL

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

erina! I think it’s because canon has shown us many of her different faces and range of emotion.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

SOMA!! chill ass mofo whos more carefree compared to the common shonen protagonist! for other shokugeki characters I’m not sure just yet because I haven’t flexed my fingers enough for the rest of them.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

I guess I should say romance cause that’s what I mostly write LOL!

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

sorina and I try to get them to smooch eventually KEK and yeah it’s..usually romantic fluff lmao

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

HONESTLY ALL OF THEM but “soma panics” is my brain child

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

pretty sure it’s digimon....

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

currently shokugeki no soma!!!!

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

uhhhh I guess SNS? LMAO fandoms...all have their quirks to them.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

characters cuddling!!!! or getting the urge to smooch!!!!

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

unrequited love GOOD FUCKIN BYEEEEEE

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

I have plot ideas thst can be wild potentially but so far nothing fits this criteria so far that I actually have written.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?

depends on the fandom, but if written well, all of it!

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?

shippy 100% like I said I like smoochin

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

romantic is...*drumroll* SORINA! platonic, soutaku and erina and alice!

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

Sometimes! There are times songs will be on loop and times I just shuffle a playlist. and if I’m writing in random bursts it’ll be with no music but it really does depend lmao I think music is when I’m forcing myself to write?

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

completely independent ideas, I’ve realized in the past prompts shoot me in the foot often unless I luckily figure something out. but I’m often driven by my own sporadic self interest with shitty ping ponging attention

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

multi-chap I guess cause I can post without being finished LOLLL but tbh can I really answer? I haven’t finished anything.....

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

I can’t answer this question imo because I haven’t finished a fic yet so technically stuff could all fit in the one fic?

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

MYSTERY AND CRIME! I love the genre and I have plot ideas once a blue moon but I can’t dive in because I want to make details that work and reduce plot holes where suspension of disbelief isn’t as needed. I need to study it more (I need to study all the details for any of my fics imo to be confident sometimes LOL)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

I don’t think I can say one comment was the nicest because I’ve gotten comments that have given me quite the smiles to my face many times! I know this is a cop out but it’s true!

IS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY UNTIL REINA SENT ME THE FOLLOWING ON DISCORD LIKE TWENTY MINS AGO:

and also rad. i am never this vocal about my emotions like EVER but this needs to be said your fics are obviously far from perfect, as are mine and everyone else's. but the thing about your works is that they're so well-sanded that it's impossible to find any rough edges or faults in them in terms of cohesion to a plot. your cast is never OOC and the amount of effort you devote to developing your takes on the characters as accurately as possible is unimaginably awe-inspiring.

BITCH I WANNA CRY 😭

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

I’d like to believe I take it often well to try and improve because that’s always my goal. if someone is rude lol that’s not constructive snd is unhelpful. If I disagree with criticism I’ll explain why !

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

Not yet, but I have some plot ideas I think will let me test this.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

F L U F F.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

elliott fuji, a japanese-american award winning photographer who is erina’s boyfriend in ‘soma panics’ which..causes soma’s panic LOL he’s 30 with slightly wavy black hair. I still haven’t pinpointed his personality just yet...he kind of humble brags for sure an artsy fucker and flirts maybe I’ll make him a lil shy though. he teaches sometimes, and becomes an adjunct photography professor in Tokyo so he can be with erina.

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

a cook is unfashionably late in realizing his feelings.

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I am a slow. so slow. motivation who is she? I also write out of order, unfortunately a bit too often.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

this should be for the fic ‘soma panics’ it’s either megumi or satoshi talkin to him rn, I’m leaning towards satoshi

“You thought she would always wait for you, didn’t you Soma-kun? To always welcome you home.”

Soma drags his palms down his face and groans. He doesn’t like this at all. He doesn’t shy from confrontation but this is a whole different ballgame. Soma doesn’t play any ball.

“I guess..?” Is his reply, because he thinks he isn’t sure how to answer that.

“You guess?”

Just being questioned again is enough to crack Soma’s pathetic facade as if it was dropped chinaware and he lets out the longest sigh.

“No.”

Coming home means coming home to Nakiri Erina too.

Nakiri Erina is his forever.

this is @takoyakitenchou’s excerpt she’s most proud of that I’ve written, which is also from you guessed it, the long fic soma panics

SOMA: I am, I mean I will be, I swear I will always come home to you, not spend as much time abroad, once I’m done with work I’ll come right back. I’ll make sure to message you. Nakiri, I’m in love you with you. Maybe for a really long time. You know how I say I dedicate my food to you? My dad—my dad said that the key to become a good chef is to find someone to dedicate your cooking to. A special someone. For my dad it was my mom, you know? For me it’s...

(this is a good piece of dialogue tbh so I am also proud of this)

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I’ve mentioned it throughout this but the WIP I’ve nicknamed ‘soma panics’ is something I’m super excited to write, but it’s going on slowly...and almost completely out of order. out of all of my writing it showed off that particular habit of mine, along with “what is this, a shoujo manga?!” though the latter is currently being written chronologically now that I’ve posted chapter one and is pretty solid in direction. it was originally supposed to be a one shot but I got impatient and wanted to post at least something for the sorina / soueri fandom.

however, because ‘soma panics’ (I won’t call it that LOL) is my baby I want to keep true to my rule of refusing to post it until I have a draft of the entire fic finished and I’m satisfied with the main points pretty much. due to my writing out of order, I’m worried I’ll change my mind about scenes or want to reflect things in earlier chapters for later ones etc etc

I joined the SnS fandom extremely late, as season five was airing. I was a fan of the manga five years ago and dropped it because I forgot to check for updates when I caught up 😔 I really want to bang out the different fics and aus for sorina that I have before the fandom fizzles out entirely but tbh I’m writing for myself, I’m manifesting what I want to see and I’ll just share it with all my friends to read if no one else will. cause I’m slow broski I dunno what writing fast even is like LMAO I do really want to write faster though, so I can contribute more and let the words free from the discord dms....

#ask meme #ask rad shit #writing #writing by rad #fanfic #reina girl u put me thru it I swear lol #thank u for sending!!#ur amazing!!!!

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queer-crusader · 3 years

Note

(derry girls anon) sometimes i ignore the goblin that lives in the dark recesses of my mind and sometimes i hear it say shit like “black sails but its modern times n they’re all hunters” aka black sails spn au and i go. hmmm 🤔 (also if u got this twice, no u didn’t ❤️)

Ohmygod. Ohmygod anon don't do this to me I have so many au's living in the recesses of my mind don't let the brain rot sink in whY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

Anyway, Flint chasing some demon for revenge for taking Thomas from him (not killing - taking), Miranda being the expert on all things religious and also being low-key buds with a bunch of demons and being like an go-between person ("god wrote that sexual shit too pastor" *cue all the demons going apeshit*)

John is a damsel in distress, Billy is relatively new to it all but surprisingly competent, Gates is looking after him, training him etc. Vane thinks he's the biggest baddest hunter but lmao nah every monster is 100% more scared of Flint

("And they call me a monster. I'll show them the real monster." Flint killing monster after monster to prove there are creatures worse than him in the world, to prove he's the good guy for taking these things out ("do you consider me a monster, Mr Silver?") but to those creatures he's as big if not a bigger monster than them - but at least it's not because of his sexuality. Are the spn angels homophobic? I don't remember. If they are, boy does Flint have beef with them. Again, Miranda is the go-between here too - not just for dealings with hell, but with heaven too)

Max runs the equivalent of the Roadhouse. She provides shelter and peace after the hunts. Jack and Anne always have each others backs (Vane goes off on his own too often to prove himself or whatever like the idiot he is), but Jack still ends up injured too damn often, dragging them back to the inn. Anne doesn't mind. It means she gets to see Max again

Also, I vote Woodes Rogers as the equivalent of Dick Roman. The butt of many jokes (and yes we can make so many dick jokes with a name like Woodes), slimy prick, simple baddy

Anyway thanks for giving me brainrot, i am not gonna develop this further into a fic but if anyone wants to you are so welcome to do so, this is all completely up for grabs

#anon i want u to know i showed ur ask to a friend of mine and they said 'fuck off'#jokingly mind you #we're all suffering from the brainrot #anne speaks #questions answered #derry girls anon #spn #black sails

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cockbiteproductions · 3 years

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6 and 9

nice

6. Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

I thought a lot about this question and I’ve narrowed it down to 3 answers which are posted here in experienced order:

Daredevil 1x10 Nelson v. Murdock - i rewatched all of daredevil with my roommate during the quarantine part of the spring semester and had a blast. foggy finds out matt’s secret (being a superhero, his super senses). the Betrayal of it all. the way they show them ugly crying instead of like letting out a single man tear. fuck. “then again, maybe i would. what the hell do i know about matt murdock?” the cutting back and forth between their present day fallout and their meeting and developing friendship. it’s SOOO much it’s like Specifically Crafted for maximum pain and i eat it right up. foggy: are u even really blind? the show: *immediately cuts to a flashback of them meeting and foggy learning that matt is blind* foggy: was anything ever real between us? the show: *cuts to the two of them thick as thieves and making plans to form their law firm together and matt almost revealing his secret*. matt: this city needs me in that mask, foggy. foggy: maybe you’re right. maybe it does. but i don’t. i only ever needed my friend. the show: *cuts to them starting their law firm together.* also the scene where ben is in the hospital with his wife and we see her forget him on screen. ouch. a lot happens in this episode but tbh i just focus on the Friendship Falling Out. it reads even better if you think they’re in love with each other, as i obviously do. man daredevil Hurts.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars 7x12 Victory and Death (series finale) - the panic in rex and ahsoka as they have to get off this LITERAL sinking ship filled with enemies that used to be their brothers, who had just within the week painted their armor, one of the few things they can customize to express themselves, to resemble her, who they know would never willingly turn against them, and a fucking wackjob killer wildcard. the growing tension and cornering is fantastic. when ahsoka takes off rex’s helmet and he cries because he’s facing killing his brothers. the cute droid squad. i’m always a sucker for non-humans. the fact that they had special orders to kill ahsoka, who was no longer a jedi, from palpatine, meaning he thought she was a threat still and she IS. she’s up there with obi-wan in terms of attachments anakin has. the action is truly epic (though i do have to say the maul ahsoka fight was better). the fact that ahsoka and rex didnt just leave the clones there and they dug graves for them. the shot of ahsoka in her cloak in front of all the helmets painted like her face on sticks will be burned into my brain forever. vader coming down to the planet himself much later and finding and igniting one of the sabers he as anakin LITERALLY remade for her. just the image of vader holding a blue lightsaber is going to be the death of me. a literal representation of who he was. it’s too much. it’s too much for me to deal with. i started crying as i was typing this. also when you look closely you can see his eyes through the helmet lens. it hurts man. (possibly) morai flying away as this happens. man, star wars can be good.

Supernatural 6x20 The Man Who Would Be King - ok so i know the question said year but man has show really defined my like last two months. as for this eps specifically, im predictable is what this says. i like tragedy and unhappy endings. i like gay angel. i like self-aware narration. i like reflection. i like the moment before it all goes wrong. this episode is the literal point of no return for s6 cas and i want to scream. it’s like when anakin cuts off mace windu’s hand. “but cas, youll call right? if you get into real trouble?” “and the worst part was dean, trying so hard to be loyal.” “for a brief moment, i was myself again.” “wonders never cease, they trusted me again.” “of course, i didn’t realize it at the time, but it was all over, right then, just like that.” “the big lie, the winchesters still buy it. the good cas, the righteous cas, and long as they still believe it, you get to believe it.” “it sounds so simple when you say it like that. where were you when i needed to hear it? / i was there. where were you?” “you know the difference between you and me? i know what i am. what are you, castiel? what exactly are you willing to do?” “i believe it’s what you would call a... tragedy from the human perspective... i’m asking you, father, one last time. am i doing the right thing? am i on the right path? you have to tell me. you have to give me a sign, because if you don’t... i’m gonna do whatever i... whatever i must.” like are you kidding me. not to talk about star wars even more but like. when rots novel said “the blurred line between our best and our worst” hhhhh. this makes me crave a 150k fic from cas’ perspective in season 6 where we see all the terrible things he’s doing for his well intentioned plan and how he keeps digging himself in deeper and deeper until it’s too late. and if i had the skill and time i would write it. alas.

runner ups: billions 5x05 contract (the epic lows of hearing taylor say they wanted to fire winston, the epic highs of 4d chess theory. the shitpost memes i immediately made. did not make the list as i made it a requirement that i actually enjoy the content in my winners list). supernatural 15x18 despair (lost out to man who would be king because i Care Cas, but i will never get over cas going out the way he came into this show; calling dean OUT on his bullshit).

9. Best month for you this year?

bro who can even remember the months. ok i just looked at my calendar and i guess i’ll say may. i finished up my spring semester the week before. clone wars finale aired then and billions season 5 started airing which was a “fun” time. had a job. things were alright.

#not rt #teresa answers stuff #nothingunrealistic1

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grlfriends · 3 years

Text

revolutionary girl utena review

ep 1-5

the plot is actually kinda different from what I thought ?? in my mind the plot was: utena was a girl in a princess school who each and every princess would be "conquered" (for a lack of better words rn) in a ceremonial duel by a prince who fancied them, maybe she didnt wanna wanna marry anyone or she liked Anthy already but anyway in my mind utena showed up in the ceremony with duel clothing and then, in a very brave tm like-scene, she would openly declare she refused to be conquered by anyone and tbh I'm not even sure how Anthy would come into the plot... but back into what actually happened in the episodes everything so far is very introductory and just showing what mechanics will be explored further down the line I think?? the op is really good too

also every boy so far reminds me so much of knights of the zodiac?? maybe it's just the design I guess...) and nanami can get these hands, jealousy is a disease and she's the sickest person on earth for all I know

dont ask me why bit I just feel like room of mirrors - gfriend has a very well fitting vibe for it but I'm not exactly sure why hm.... 🤔🤔

ep 6-12

ok so why does this school just have random animals around 😐 I could understand the horse but a bull and a kangaroo?? what ...

touga just says the most random dramatic things and then just casually says anyone who believes in friendship is a fool ?? the guy wouldnt last a day in the naruto universe tbh, he kinda irks me in some way but I'm not sure why so I'll live with this strange feeling for a while I guess

↳ okay so watching ep 10 made me especially kinda creeped out, I know I've watched only 10 eps so far but like can he fall downstairs and break a neck or something already ...

also haha what if I watched that bet on it fmv and gave myself a bunch of spoilers would that be funny or what 😍 this is why i cant have nice things yall.... hope my memory goes to shit when sleep so I dont remember about it this week while I finish it

I feel like the main thing on the episodes are parallels, one way or another I always feel like they're setting up parallels and giving me clues for a bigger picture and a deeper plot arc that is still to come and the bet on it fmv just made this impression stronger, also I wanna say it's done in a good way, one that is both mysterious (??) and "honey you've got a big storm coming" at the same time 🤔🤔 much to think about honestly

↳ just saw ep 11 and even though I already knew this was coming sooner or later it still felt like crap seeing utena lose to dick head, at the end of the episode when he says anthy was always just reflecting utena's own wishes for himemiya (in another way bc I dont remenber the exact words) it felt like 😐 bc yes I knew that (the way she was working her thoughts was simply a copy and paste of what utena was saying) at all time I kept those essays about anthy in my head, I dont think theyll be truly relatable to what I'm seeing rn but yeah anthy rights (even though I know you betray/cheat on utena down the line bc of the bet on it fmv but I'm sure you had your own motivation)

↳ saw ep 12 bc I just couldnt handle being in a cliffhanger and yeah it happened what I absolutely thought it would lmao not that it was that difficult to foresee but yeah, I kinda liked how utena did it for her instead of being like "oh I wanna save anthy from touga" and treating her like a damsel in distress (I know that's kinda her position as the rose bride for what I've been told so far and that this is a subject spoken about in many many essays on tumblr but yeah) bc so far she's been treated as a trophy and a way to get something else, for the green haired guy it was a way to see something eternal, for miki it was a way to hold on into his "shining thing" and for touga it seems (so far) like a way to manipulate (just like he does with nanami) and just mark his position as above everyone else as he seems to view himself?? man I might be saying random stuff rn but it kinda does makes sense in my mind with the information I've had to this point

ep 13-25

honestly 😐😐 through 9 whole episodes I felt like they were trying to make the side characters deeper and show their hidden face and motivations but it felt so shallow...... not even actually shallow, just not deep enough that it would make me care about these characters and the fact there was no actual build to showing us why we're getting to know these characters backgrounds was just kinda meh too, didnt really help that all episodes had all the same formula and the same timing just for the developers made in those episodes be forgotten at the end and also just that pink haired guy could be like "ah failure again", it felt like watching the same episode over and over again, it was really tiring and like?? girl help I do not care about these characters at all, I feel like it could have been done well (like the keiko ep in comparison to the furuba chapter that deals with the yuki appreciation (??) club president graduating.... the way this ep was done and setup didn't really bring me any emotions) overall not to my taste and tbh I feel like I could have skipped all those episodes except for maybe the miki and juri one so 😑

all nanami focused episodes are the worst so far, she's so boring and I cant stand now annoying she is, the diary episode?? the cow episode?? the episode when tsuwabiki fuels with utena?? honestly I know they're trying to show me a better and different side of her but it just doesnt!! work!! bc i feel no sympathy for her, my biggest wish rn is her and touga just disappearing and no more filler episodes🗣🗣

I thought akio was utena's prince?? but apparently he's just anthy's brother and like.. I'm do done with his little talks with utena and yadda yadda, I just wanna see their duel is that too much to ask I'm dying over here (if this lenga lenga continues until ep 25 i will be so mad bc why were so many episodes wasted on such boring and and not necessary side characters backstories?? idc about them at all man aaaaaaaaaa)

↳ ep 25 was good finally we got what we deserve boys 😭😭😭😭😭 can utena just beat up akio already I'm tired of his ass, he exhales both "I'm a feminist I even take women studies classes #herstory" and "if she breathes she's a thot" energy also he has 0 style that mullet is simply horrible I bet there's a hairstylist community who considers him a criminal bc like 😐 it is simply so bad (q bit less when it's tied up but when it's all lose jesus Christ)

also touga thinks he's suuuuch a genius, sooo smart like king, I do not care about you at all can you shut the fuck up please and can we tall about the pink haired guy episode?? wack. honestly thought it would be more emotional or something, I binge watched 12 episodes with his ugly haircut face and did not even feel a thing he can choke I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ANTHY TAKING A SWORD OUT OF UTENA'S CHEST??? OSCAR WORTHY KINGS❗❗❗and then her lame ass brother being like "oh ho ho idk idk" shut up no one cares no one cares I swear to you no one cares shut uuuuup

ep 25-39

first of all, ep 25 was good but kinda reminded me of the nine episodes (13 until 21) where absolutely nothing interesting happened so I hope I'm wrong also can I just say just seeing the preview of the next episode made me roll my eyes so bad I almsot saw my brain?? bc yeah I'm fucking tired of nanami fosuced episodes she's so annoying oh my god nobody cares about a goddamn egg and much less one coming from her let her die or something pls she's so annoying there's nothing I've learned about her that was not against my own will I'm basically rotting over here 🤒

↳ ep 30 has me thinking Akio has a foot fetish or something 😐 bruh leave utena aloooooone I already know your plans and schemes you're not fooling anyone that's embarrassing for u and also... utena you're not very bright are you.... you start seeing every duelist you face with the same exact car and then when you see akio has the same car you didnt even stop to think about it that 1+1 equals 2 ... girl help yourself 😐

↳ yet again another nanami focused ep 😐😐😐😐😐 even though I do understand her better now I still don't find her particularly enjoyable to watch, call me a woman hater but like. idk she's still a bit annoying to me (but touga is straight up evil and is manipulating her so I feel bad for feeling like that tho.....)

↳ ok last 2 eps to go but listen. I thought the akio duel would have happened much sooner, maybe on ep 33 max but well didn't this age well lmao ngl, it did seem a bit too slow paced for my personal taste but also I feel like there's a certain level of drama that comes with slowing the pace down....

↳ aaaaaa yall I'm kinda 😢😭 over the ending omg........... even though it took the best of me to keep going in some parts I still enjoyed the ending aaaaa I thought i wouldnt really like it bc I just usually dont enjoy this type of ending but stil 😢😢😢😢 wait for me utena 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 girl I cried and then anthy walking in the end god utena and anthy holding hands 😭😭😭😭 akio can suck my dick

there's obviously many things I've missed or that I kinda didnt really pay attendance to so please dont take this serious, I was just writing as I watched the episodes so it's more like a thought compilation than anything, still I can see why there's many essays written about it and why it is held as a masterpiece by so many people

#g.txt

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birdlord · 4 years

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Every Book I Read in 2019

This was a heavier reading year for me (heavier culture-consumption year in general) partly because my partner started logging his books read, and then, of course, it’s a competition.

01 Morvern Callar; Alan Warner - One of the starkest books I’ve ever read. What is it about Scotland that breeds writers with such brutal, distant perspectives on life? Must be all the rocks.

02 21 Things You Might Not Know About the Indian Act; Bob Joseph - I haven’t had much education in Canada’s relationship to the Indigenous nations that came before it, so this opened things up for me quite a bit. The first and most fundamental awakening is to the fact that this is not a story of progress from worse to better (which is what a simplistic, grade school understanding of smallpox blankets>residential schools>reserves would tell you), in fact, the nation to nation relationship of early contact was often superior to what we have today. I wish there was more of a call to action, but apparently a sequel is on its way.

03 The Plot Against America; Philip Roth - An alternative history that in some ways mirrors our present. I did feel like I was always waiting for something to happen, but I suppose the point is that, even at the end of the world, disasters proceed incrementally.

04 Sabrina; Nick Drnaso - The blank art style and lack of contrast in the colouring of each page really reinforces the feeling of impersonal vacancy between most of the characters. I wonder how this will read in the future, as it’s very much based in today’s relationship to friends and technology.

05 Perfumes: The Guide; Luca Turn & Tania Sanchez - One of the things I like to do when I need to turn my brain off online is reading perfume reviews. That’s where I found out about this book, which runs through different scent families and reviews specific well-known perfumes. Every topic has its boffins, and these two are particularly witty and readable.

06 Adventures in the Screen Trade; William Goldman - Reading this made me realize how little of the cinema of the 1970s I’ve actually seen, beyond the usual heavy hitters. Ultimately I found this pretty thin, a few peices of advice stitched together with anecdotes about a Hollywood that is barely recognizable today.

07 The Age of Innocence; Edith Wharton - A love triangle in which the fulcrum is a terribly irritating person, someone who thinks himself far more outré than he is. Nonetheless, I was taken in by this story of “rebellion”, such as it was, to be compelling.

08 Boom Town: The Fantastical Saga of Oklahoma City, Its Chaotic Founding, Its Apocalyptic Weather, Its Purloined Basketball Team, and the Dream of Becoming a World-class Metropolis; Sam Anderson - Like a novel that follows various separate characters, this book switches between tales of the founding of Oklahoma City with basketball facts and encounters with various oddball city residents. It’s certainly a fun ride, but you may find, as I did, that some parts of the narrative interest you more than others. Longest subtitle ever?

09 World of Yesterday; Stefan Zweig - A memoir of pre-war Austria and its artistic communities, told by one of its best-known exports. Particularly wrenching with regards to the buildup to WWII, from the perspective of those who had been through this experience before, so recently.

10 Teach us to Sit Still: A Sceptic’s Search for Health and Healing; Tim Parks - A writer finds himself plagued by pain that conventional doctors aren’t able to cure, so he heads further afield to see if he can use stillness-of-mind to ease the pain, all the while complaining as you would expect a sceptic to do. His digressions into literature were a bit hard to take (I’m sure you’re not Coleridge, my man).

11 The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences have Extraordinary Impact; Chip & Dan Heath - I read this for work-related reasons, with the intention of improving my ability to make exhibitions and interpretation. It has a certain sort of self-helpish structure, with anecdotes starting each chapter and a simple lesson drawn from each one. Not a bad read if you work in a public-facing capacity.

12 Against Everything: Essays; Mark Greif - The founder of N+1 collects a disparate selection of essays, written over a period of several years. You won’t love them all, but hey, you can always skip those ones!

13 See What I Have Done; Sarah Schmidt - A retelling of the Lizzie Borden story, which I’d seen a lot of good reviews for. Sadly this didn’t measure up, for me. There’s a lot of stage setting (rotting food plays an important part) but there’s not a lot of substance there.

14 Like a Mother: A Feminist Journey Through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy; Angela Garber - This is another one that came to me very highly recommended. Garber seems to think these topics are not as well-covered as they are, but she does a good job researching and retelling tales of pregnancy, birth, postpartum difficulties and breastfeeding.

15 Rebecca; Daphne du Maurier - This was my favourite book club book of the year. I’d always had an impression of...trashiness I guess? around du Maurier, but this is a classic thriller. Maybe the first time I’ve ever read, rather than watched, a thriller! That’s on me.

16 O’Keefe: The Life of an American Legend; Jeffrey Hogrefe - I went to New Mexico for the first time this spring, and a colleague lent me this Georgia O’Keefe biography after I returned. I hadn’t known much about her personal life before this, aside from what I learned at her museum in Santa Fe. The author has made the decision that much of O’Keefe’s life was determined by childhood incest, but doesn’t have what you might call….evidence?

17 A Lost Lady; Willa Cather - A turn-of-the-20th century story about an upper-class woman and her young admirer Neil. I’ve never read any other Cather, but this felt very similar to the Wharton I also read this year, which I gather isn’t typical of her.

18 The Year of Living Danishly: My Twelve Months of Unearthing the Secrets of the World’s Happiest Country; Helen Russell - A British journalist moves to small-town Denmark with her husband, and although the distances are not long, there’s a considerable culture shock. Made me want to eat pastries in a BIG WAY.

19 How Not to be a Boy; Robert Webb - The title gives a clue to the framing device of this book, which is fundamentally a celebrity memoir, albeit one that largely ignores the celebrity part of his life in favour of an examination of the effects of patriarchy on boys’ development as human beings.

20 The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will be Glad that You Did); Philippa Perry; A psychotherapist’s take on how parents’ own upbringing affects the way they interact with their own kids.

21 The Library Book; Susan Orlean - This book has stuck with me more than I imagined that it would. It covers both the history of libraries in the USA, and the story of the arson of the LA Public Library’s central branch in 1986.

22 We Are Never Meeting in Real Life; Samantha Irby - I’ve been reading Irby’s blog for years, and follow her on social media. So I knew the level of raunch and near body-horror to expect in this essay collection. This did fill in a lot of gaps in terms of her life, which added a lot more blackness (hey) to the humour.

23 State of Wonder; Ann Patchett - A semi-riff on Heart of Darkness involving an OB/GYN who now works for a pharmaceutical company, heading to the jungle to retrieve another researcher who has gone all Colonel Kurtz on them. I found it a bit unsatisfying, but the descriptions were, admittedly, great.

24 Disappearing Earth; Julia Phillips - A story of an abduction of two girls in very remote Russia, each chapter told by another townsperson. The connections between the narrators of each chapter are sometimes obvious, but not always. Ending a little tidy, but plays against expectations for a book like this.

25 Ethan Frome; Edith Wharton - I gather this is a typical high school read, but I’d never got to it. In case you’re in the same boat as me, it’s a short, mildly melodramatic romantic tragedy set in the new england winter. It lacks the focus on class that other Whartons have, but certainly keeps the same strong sense that once you’ve made a choice, you’re stuck with it. FOREVER.

26 Educated; Tara Westover - This memoir of a Mormon fundamentalist-turned-Academic-superstar was huge on everyone’s reading lists a couple of years back, and I finally got to it. It felt similar to me in some ways to the Glass Castle, in terms of the nearly-unbelievable amounts of hell she and her family go through at the hands of her father and his Big Ideas. I found that it lacked real contemplation of the culture shock of moving from the rural mountain west to, say, Cambridge.

27 Dead Wake: The Last Crossing of Lusitania; Erik Larson - I’m a sucker for a story of a passenger liner, any non-Titanic passenger liner, really. Plus Lusitania’s story has interesting resonances for the US entry into WWI, and we see the perspective of the U-boat captain as well as people on land, and Lusitania’s own passengers and crew.

28 The Birds and Other Stories; Daphne du Maurier - The title story is the one that stuck in my head most strongly, which isn’t any surprise. I found it much more harrowing than the film, it had a really effective sense of gradually increasing dread and inevitability.

29 Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Faded Glory; Raphael Bob-Waksberg - Hit or miss in the usual way of short story collections, this book has a real debt to George Saunders.

30 Sex & Rage; Eve Babitz - a sort of pseudo-autobiography of an indolent life in the LA scene of the 1970s. It was sometimes very difficult to see how the protagonist actually felt about anything, which is a frequent, acute symptom of youth.

31 Doctor Fischer of Geneva or The Bomb Party; Graham Greene - Gotta love a book with an alternate title built in. This is a broad (the characters? are, without exception, insane?!) satire about a world I know little about. I don’t have a lot of patience or interest in Greene’s religious allegories, but it’s a fine enough story.

32 Lathe of Heaven; Ursula K LeGuin - Near-future sci-fi that is incredibly prescient about the effects of climate change for a book written over forty years ago. The book has amazing world-building, and the first half has the whirlwind feel of Homer going back in time, killing butterflies and returning to the present to see what changes he has wrought.

33 The Grammarians; Cathleen Schine - Rarely have I read a book whose jacket description of the plot seems so very distant from what actually happens therein.

34 The Boy Kings: A Journey Into the Heart of the Social Network; Katharine Losse - Losse was one of Facebook’s very earliest employees, and she charts her experience with the company in this memoir from 2012. Do you even recall what Facebook was like in 2012? They hadn’t even altered the results of elections yet! Zuck was a mere MULTI-MILLIONAIRE, probably. Were we ever so young?

35 Invisible Women; Caroline Ciado Perez - If you want to read a book that will make you angry, so angry that you repeatedly assail whoever is around with facts taken from it, then this, my friend, is the book for you.

36 The Hidden World of the Fox; Adele Brand - A really charming look at the fox from an ecologist who has studied them around the world. Much of it takes place in the UK, where urban foxes take on a similar ecological niche that raccoons famously do where I live, in Toronto.

37 S; Doug Dorst & JJ Abrams - This is a real mindfuck of a book, consisting of a faux-old novel, with marginalia added by two students which follows its own narrative. A difficult read not because of the density of prose, but the sheer logistics involved: read the page, then the marginalia? Read the marginalia interspersed with the novel text? Go back chapter by chapter? I’m not sure that either story was worth the trouble, in the end.

38 American War; Omar El Akkad - This is not exclusively, but partially a climate-based speculative novel, or, grossly, cli-fi for short. Ugh, what a term! But this book is a really tight, and realistic look at the results of a fossil-fuels-based second US Civil War.

39 Antisocial: Online Extremists, Techno-Utopians, and the Hijacking of the American Conversation; Andrew Marantz - This is the guy you’ll hear on every NPR story talking about his semi-embedding within the Extremely Online alt-right. Most of the figures he profiles come off basically how you’d expect, I found his conclusions about the ways these groups have chosen to use online media tools to achieve their ends the most illuminating part.

40 Wilding: The Return of Nature to a British Farm; Isabella Tree - This is the story of a long process of transitioning a rural acreage (more of an estate than a farm, this is aristocratic shit) from intensive agriculture to something closer to wild land. There are long passages where Tree (ahem) simply lists species which have come back, which I’m sure is fascinating if you are from the area, but I tended to glaze over a bit. Experts from around the UK and other European nations weigh in on how best to rewild the space, which places the project in a wider context.

FICTON: 17 NONFICTION: 23

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