#try to keep it together and not have an emotional breakdown about his secret twin in front of these literal children | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

veritas-dolos · 1 year

Text

How to Cope by Leo and Mikey Ch. 5

Leo sat at the counter with a dumb look on his face because, wow, guess the secret’s out!

This could potentially be the end of his self-destructive streak. Donnie could use it against him. He could make him stop, and that wouldn’t be good. But now he had to go talk to Mikey because he thought the poor kid would have a heart attack if he didn’t.

Leo cleaned up his meal, trying to imagine how to explain whatever the hell just went down to his little brother. He didn’t want to be all, hey, so, Donnie knows I cut myself because he thinks I stole his box cutters. How’s your night?

Pizza Supreme, he was so frustrated. Not at Mikey, but at himself. He got caught. He hated the position he was in, and he hated that he had to live with his twin knowing he cut open his arms far more often than people thought. If he was being honest with himself, he just wanted to go relapse.

But whatever. He’d talk to Mikey real quick, and then, as a reward, self harm. He liked to think he worked better on a reward system. That was normal, right?

Leo made his way down the hallway with no idea how to start the conversation. Well, if he wanted to do his favorite hobby, he had to talk to Mikey first. How hard could it be?

Very hard, apparently.

Leo hesitantly knocked on Mikey’s door, and it immediately opened. Mikey pulled him in and slammed the door behind him. “What happened?”

“Uhh, well, Donnie knows. About me,” Leo struggled to get out, beginning to acknowledge what happened. “And I–” He stopped, eyes watering all of a sudden. Why was he tearing up? Why was he so emotional about this?

Mikey pulled him over to his bed and pushed him back so he was sitting on the edge. He then scooted both of them back so their shells were against the wall. Leo sat in silence with his eyes squinted shut, fingers digging into his upper arms. His knees were against his plastron, which he set his forehead on before speaking.

“He… he confronted me. He said that he noticed that– that–” Leo said, trying as hard as he could not to cry. He bit his wobbling lip until he tasted blood. Leo tried to take even breaths, but each breath shook his whole body. “He noticed. He noticed, Mikey, that the box cutters were missing.”

He would not cry here. Crying makes you weak, and he was not going to be weak, especially in front of his brother. He hated crying, and hated himself more because of it.

The first tear slipped across his cheek. It fell onto the tight sheets with an audible splat.

Mikey shook his head. “But– but I was the one who took them. Why does he think you–?”

“I took the fall for you,” Leo said, trying to keep his voice steady. Tears were coming down faster now, and he was so ashamed of it. He hated crying. He felt like his chest was crumpling into a paper ball. “I didn’t want you to get caught.” Leo whispered, voice impossibly thick.

Leo’s eyebrows scrunched together, and he gripped his arms tighter. He felt his body shake, and desperately tried to stop, to no avail. He felt a sob rising in his throat and slapped a hand over his mouth to stop from crying out. He kept his head down, not wanting Mikey to see him like this. He hated feeling so helpless.

Mikey was at a loss. He had no idea what to say. Leo had never acted like this in front of him ever, not even after the whole Krang situation. Not even when gram gram died. He had never seen his brother this emotional before, and doubted he’d see it again.

And Leo took the blame for what he did? This was a serious issue. And for Leo to be this affected by it wasn’t… right. It should be him like this. It didn’t sit right with him that Leo put himself in that situation when Mikey was the one to blame.

Mikey rubbed a hand on the back of Leo’s shell. He realized that he had to get Leo out of his breakdown before anything else. “It’s okay to cry. You know that, right? Showing your emotions isn’t a weakness,” Mikey said softly.

Leo just sat there trembling, tears spilling down his cheeks and over his hand faster than before. He couldn’t– he couldn’t do this. It was too hard. Mikey was telling him these kind things that shouldn’t be spoken to a freak like him. He didn’t deserve it. It only made more tears come to his eyes.

“Leo, you know that, right?” Mikey waited with baited breath. Please say you do.

Leo turned his back to his brother. He hurt, he hurt so much, and it flooded his body with disappointment and hatred for himself. He didn’t want to do it anymore. And in that moment, that moment of hating himself to a degree he never had before, he decided.

He wanted to kill himself. And he was serious this time.

He took a shuddering breath. “Yeah. I know, Angelo,” He said, turning back around. He looked at Mikey with tears in his eyes, but a small smile on his face. Mikey gave a hesitant smile back, but rushed in to hug him. Leo hugged back hard, making Mikey’s heart clench.

They hugged for a long while. Leo eventually reluctantly let go, settling back into his original spot. He took a deep breath, because he supposed they were far from over.

Mikey looked down at his feet. “You shouldn’t have taken the blame for my mistake.” Mikey commented. How could he have been so sloppy?

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” Leo said, wiping his eyes with the palm of his hand. Mikey reached over for the kleenex box and passed it to him, who gratefully took it.

“But why? It was my fault! You should be furious with me!”

“Woah, woah, woah. ‘Furious’? That’s a big word, Mikey. This is a little-word safe space, we don’t use that kind of language here.” Leo said, mask back in place.

“I’m serious, Leo,” Mikey said, exasperated. “Why aren’t you mad at me?”

“You see, that's better word choice,” He said casually, balling up his kleenex and aiming for the garbage. “Kobe,” Leo grinned as he made the shot.

“Leo.”

“What?” He glanced over at Mikey, “You want to know why I’m not mad?”

Mikey made a gesture like, you think?

“Fine, I’ll tell you,” Leo said, settling down. “You’re new at this. Self harm is a big deal, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It’s like… it’s a cycle.” Leo exhaled, gathering his thoughts.

Mikey waited for him to continue.

Leo rolled his eyes. “The thing about self harm is that once you start, you can’t stop. There is no ‘end’. There’s only the time between one relapse and the next. Once someone finds out about your self harm, you can’t take it back. That person knows. They know exactly what you do by yourself at night, when you’re alone and have plenty of time. When you disappear to the bathroom for way too long. When the paper towel supply goes down faster than it should. Self harm will affect you for the rest of your life.”

Mikey looked up at him with wide eyes.

“So, you wanted to know why I’m not mad at you?” Leo said, risking a glance at his younger brother. Mikey sat still, no longer knowing if he wanted to.

“Because I can't be mad at you forever.”

Way to drop a bomb, Leo.

The room was awkwardly quiet. Leo didn’t like it. He started making an airplane with a kleenex, and wondered if it would fly. “So, how’s your night?” Leo said.

“What the FUCK, Leo.”

“And here I thought my baby brother didn’t swear,” He said, picking up his tissue-airplane to test his theory.

Mikey swatted it down. “Why would you say that?”

“Because you wanted to know why I wasn’t mad at you. And before you say, y’know Leo, that’s awfully fatalistic of you, let me just say, yeah, I know. And I do know it does get better for some people, but it hasn’t in my experience.”

Mikey sat there in silence, not quite sure of what to say or how to feel. It was troubling.

“So, anyway, I’m gonna go to my room–” Leo started, moving to sit up.

“Nope,” Mikey said, slinging an arm across his plastron and slamming him down on the bed. “You are staying right here, and we are gonna have a sleepover because I’m not letting you out of my sight tonight. You’re scaring me.” His voice trembled slightly at the end.

Leo didn’t exactly have a choice. “Whatever you say, baby bro,”

Mikey let out a short breath. “Good. Now let’s make this the best sleepover ever. You’re on drinks, I’m on snacks. We’re gonna watch so many movies.” Mikey said, a smile growing on his face.

Something that felt a little too much like hope fluttered in Leo’s chest. Maybe it does get better.

But when Mikey fell asleep on his shoulder halfway through their second movie, something darker in him felt like it was only going to get much, much worse.

Ch. 1 Ch. 4 Ch. 6

#How to Cope by Leo and Mikey #HCLM #fanfiction #rottmnt #tw self harm #tw self harm mention

4 notes · View notes

strawberry-barista · 2 years

Text

{Okay, now that I'm properly awake I'm going to elaborate on this. That thing I woke up at like 1-2 am to type out.}

{I do not know why, but I sort of halfway woke up in the middle of the night and was simply possessed by the thoughts of Hanekoma having to deal with losing Joshua, whom he considers to be, quite literally, his soulmate. And it drove me crazy until I finally broke down and threw something up on the dash.}

{This gets pretty long, so I'm cutting for length.}

{So, basically, he might not have realized it upon their initial meeting, but over time Hanekoma has grown to consider his connection to Joshua to be fate. He's met enough of his counterparts who have had this attachment to Joshua, and just as many that actually ended up being in a romantic relationship or familial relationship with him, that he feels like it is a universal given that they should be together. And for all of Joshua's suffering, he has blamed himself. For what happened to Shibuya, he has blamed himself. Should Shibuya and himself lose the person that he considers to be destined for that place, he will also blame himself entirely. He will heft guilt upon guilt onto his shoulders for that.}

{Additionally, it sounds a little like Joshua won't be able to continue a relationship with Hanekoma. Not only will he be losing the Composer he believes to be destined for that place, he will also completely be losing the only person he has in his life that he can be 100% open with. Joshua knows he's an angel, knows about the Higher Plane, so when it comes to these things Joshua is the only person he can lean on with concern, even if he still has to be careful not to upset him. There are very few secrets between them at this point. Hanekoma still holds all of his other friends at arm's length, even ones like Emi. So he would feel completely isolated after Joshua's departure.}

{The loss would be absolutely devastating. But Hanekoma wouldn't be able to openly express this. Because God forbid the Higher Plane catch wind of it and decide he's too emotional to continue leading Shibuya as it's Producer. He would force those emotions under the surface and do everything in his power to distract himself from feeling them or trying to process them, since doing so could be dangerous. It would become the most creative, productive time of his life. He would cease eating and sleeping and resting entirely to work. He would absolutely get sick from it, and he would push through that illness to keep it up. He would come closer to being an angel than he had ever been in his entire existence as one, relying entirely on his angelic body to hold him up while he crammed every waking second with some kind of work. Be it fashion, tagging, music, the café, reports, anything he can possibly find to do he will do. Because any moment of reprieve will force him to think about how empty his life has become without Joshua in it anymore. And he cannot allow that to happen.}

{This also means that travel to other universes would also cease entirely. He would go MIA from the Twins' life, drop contact with their Composer and with the other visiting Composer of that universe. He would stop his work with them for the foreseeable future. Partially because he won't feel safe leaving a brand new Composer alone to handle things by himself, partially because he won't want any of them to see him teetering on the edge of a breakdown, and partially because he won't want to face those counterparts which didn't break the universe by losing their destined Composer. He would likely isolate himself from everyone, even making contact with his kids and Emi scarce. He wouldn't avoid them entirely, but he would drift out of their lives and stop trying to be so involved. Part because he likely wouldn't be allowed to run into Joshua, and part because he would be far too busy with his other work and keeping himself distracted.}

{He would become severely unhealthy. He would live his life the way no human ever should and rely on his angelic form to keep it barely sustained. He would absolutely need to be given that moment to just break and fall apart, but he definitely wouldn't choose to do it on his own for fear of the Higher Plane finding out.}

{It would be devasting.}

#anonymity annoying me ⤙ooc⤚⚄#mentioned: kingsmedley #mentioned: insightful-mother #mentioned: catncore #mentioned: dandybarista #mentioned: the-composer #mentioned: abstractreign #//whew sorry i just went into it huh #//but yep #//this is what was actually going on #//in my brain last night #few lines of the sentence lie ⤙hc⤚⚄

2 notes · View notes

cherryblossomriot · 3 years

Text

i had a dream the other day that was basically a dinluke cowboy au and it has been HAUNTING me, so just allow me to deposit it upon you like my subconscious drop kicked it onto me:

Luke is a disabled veteran who has returned from war one hand lighter and several scars heavier. When he returns, his family, who are heavily involved in the politics/military of this fictional land, don’t understand his now jaded and melancholic view of both the world, but also the ideologies that they so strongly believe in, leading him to constantly feel like an outcast even among the people that he so dearly loves. They’re all passionate and strong-willed, but they still don’t understand, not his struggles with mental health or his new perspective, and it just makes things worse and worse and worse. Anakin is a general, and though he’s seen the gruesomeness of war firsthand, he’s also become desensitized to it and has anger-management issues, so he often almost finds a sort of refuge within the chaos of battle, so he clearly cannot even fathom the emotions and trauma that Luke is trying to sort through, much less know how to deal with them properly. Padme is a senator and cares deeply about the crimes and seemingly senseless violence occurring during the war, but she’s also a politician and knows how to play the long game, so when Luke comes to her, he leaves feeling misunderstood and pushed aside. Leia is the only one who seemingly understands, as the pair of them have a deep, intrinsic bond, but she doesn’t fully grasp Luke’s moods and doesn’t handle his breakdowns and flashbacks well. So everyone feels a little upset, a little unsettled, and a lot like they don’t understand why and how Luke has changed, which leads to Luke feeling more and more out of place within his own family. The war ends relatively soon after Luke’s return, which leads to parades which leads to awards which leads to balls and banquets, all of which Luke is forced to attend, his heart dragging but his head held high, because he’s an Amidala-Skywalker goddammit, and we have a certain responsibility and image to maintain to the public and everyone who endured so much. So Luke has to sit there through awards and boasts of glory and mentions of battle scars and it goes on and on and on, and he has to smile and bear it and accept the medal that they’re giving him because he did such a great service to his country and-he has a panic attack. A nasty one that leads to him having to flee from a ballroom, and outside to the gardens. Once he’s there, he realizes that he doesn’t want to go back in. At all. So he runs away. He just picks a direction and goes, stealing a car on the way (this is a modern au but also fictional countries because I don’t want to get into real politics, hooo boy no siree). In the middle of nowhere, he gets caught in a storm and basically crashes his car and passes out.

But when he wakes up! That’s when the fun begins.

He’s in this cozy sort of bedroom, and this hot guy is fast asleep in the chair beside his bed, and is that a little kid in his lap? Anyway, the hot guy wakes up, introduces himself as Din Djarin in the softest, most attractive voice Luke has ever heard with his own two ears, and doesn’t ask him where he’s from or what he was doing driving in the middle of bumfuck nowhere at 3 in the morning, so Luke is obligated to have a lil crush on him, even though he’s not sure about the kid. So he asks, and Din introduces him to his son Grogu, who waves at him and signs hello, because, as Din explains, he doesn’t speak much, and the foster system wasn’t too kind to him, so he’s got a little bit of trauma to work through. And Luke just, instantly falls in love with this soft dad and his cute little son who can shift his features from the biggest, most pleading puppy eyes ever to the face of a demented gremlin who will try to eat the frog he caught in the backyard, no matter how slimy it is, or how hard it tries to wriggle out of his hands. Din tells Luke that he can stay for however long he needs, because Luke’s kinda injured from his accident, and anyway, once he’s healed up, they always could use another hand on the farm. So Luke stays, and he meets all of Din’s other farm hands (and shitty friends). There’s Boba, who doesn’t talk much, but when he does it’s always something slightly ominous and menacing, and Luke thinks that his name sounds familiar...hey wasn’t he on the news for robbing a couple banks a few years back?...no, surely not..., Fennec, who speaks even less than Boba, and manages to be far, far more intimidating, but also helps Luke with his prosthetic and gives him fun little tips that always sound more like she’s cut off a lot more limbs than she’s lost. Cara Dune (who is not gina carano but i digress) is also there, and she’s just constantly a harbinger of chaos, but will babysit Grogu whenever Din wants to brood and stare longingly into the distance (or at Luke who’s also brooding as the sun sets but shhh). Bo-Katan and the gang are there, and while Bo-Katan grumbles about how the old ranch boss had different/better methods on how to run things, she still follows Din’s lead and helps him with the finances and taxes. They all take to Luke like a wildfire, because Luke is a sunshine boy who can make friends with literally anyone and somehow manages to make Din not only smile but laugh, but also because they can tell he’s got a lot of trauma and pain bubbling just under the surface, and they all silently but collectively agreed a long time ago that they are the patron saints of troubled and lost souls.

When Luke gets better and starts to help out, he’s constantly upset with himself because he used to help out at his aunt and uncle’s farm in the summers when he was a kid, and he knows how to do this stuff, but his prosthetic is really throwing him off and his body has sustained a lot of other injuries that make doing manual labor a much more different experience than it used to be, but everyone is really patient with him and helps him out, especially Din. At one point, Din is so nice that Luke just loses it, because he doesn’t understand how Din can be so kind and so patient, and care about him so much, and kind of calls himself broken and useless in front of Din, and Din gets super protective and grabs his hands (real and prosthetic) and tells him that he’s not broken or useless, and you’re so sweet and wonderful, and can’t you see? Ever since you’ve been here, everyone’s been so much happier, so much lighter. You’ve brought something precious to us, but most of all to me. And they’re standing really close and for a second Luke thinks Din is going to kiss him, but instead, Luke realizes that he’s crying, and Din just wraps his arms around him and holds him.

After that, time sort of blurs, marked by things like Grogu climbing into Luke’s bed because he sensed that he was having a nightmare, and Din waking up to find the pair of them coloring in a serene silence, Luke getting the hang of ranch life and his prosthetic and dealing with his panic attacks and flashbacks as they come, and Din enduring relentless badgering from his friends because hey, if you don’t marry Luke, I will and Fennec, you’re a lesbian and that doesn’t matter, it’ll be a marriage of twink and butch solidarity. And all the while, Din and Luke are spinning closer and closer towards each other, two suns hurtling in their orbit to the other with an inescapable certainty.

When it finally happens, they’ve just gotten back from one of those cowboy dances (idk what they’re called...hoedowns? yeah okay) (and yes, I wanted to hit all of the cliches in the book, thank you very much), and Grogu’s fallen fast asleep on Luke’s shoulder. After they tuck him up all snug in his bed, they head out to the porch, because it’s raining outside, and the steady thrum of water droplets splattering on the roof and on the grass is the most soothing sound Luke has ever heard (aside from Din’s voice), and he’s a little too afraid to go to sleep and ruin his perfect night with a nightmare. They stand there for a while, silence binding them together, shoulders brushing every now and then, hesitant and questioning. Luke thinks about how Din had asked him to dance earlier, his lips tilted in a teasing, but achingly soft smile, and how his heart had pounded a tattoo to the shape of his ribs when they’d pushed up so close together, the fast, rowdy dances of the beginning of the night having faded to something lasting, something meaningful. Luke remembers the ball he’d run away from, how the dancing had been cold, almost jeering in a way, and Luke realizes how far he’s come, how different it is here. And suddenly, there isn’t a question in his mind anymore. He turns toward Din, who turns toward him, and when he leans forward, Din breathes an uncertain “Luke-”, but he doesn’t get to finish the thought. Luke kisses him, and he kisses back, and it’s just them. There are hands in hair and noses nudged together, and at some point, they move, without either of them releasing the other, into the house and into Din’s bedroom. Buttons are unbuttoned, and whole stretches of skin are kissed, and when it’s over, they curl up together, Din tucking his head into the crook of Luke’s neck and falling asleep there.

When they wake up, Luke explains why he came here, why he ran away, all the while Din looks at him with his beautiful dark eyes and runs his hands through Luke’s hair, which is catching the sunlight filtering in through the window and making him look like he has a halo, all the while never once condemning him for keeping it a secret this whole time. After he’s finished, he expects some sort of shocked reaction-after all, his family’s pretty famous, but all Din does is kiss him and ask, “Wait, so you have a twin?”

It’s so unexpected that Luke throws his head back and bursts into uncontrollable, and very contagious peals of laughter, and when he’s finally able to breathe again, he kisses Din’s forehead and murmurs, “I love you.”

Din, who has been touch starved and lonely for years (no time for relationships when you’ve got a business to run and a toddler to raise), tears up and kisses him, too overwhelmed for words. But Luke understands.

And then Grogu pushes his way into the room holding up a box of Frosted Flakes above his head and shaking it, as if to say, I’d like to eat now, please.

Din and Luke stifle their smiles into the other’s shoulder, and when they get up, Luke can’t help but think that he’s finally where he belongs.

----

It takes approximately .5 seconds for all the others to figure out they’re together now, and Cara and Bo-Katan (of all people) start cheering immediately, to Din and Luke’s shock. Boba and Fennec grumble and begrudgingly hand over a huge wad of cash each to Cara and Bo-Katan because they thought it would take them at least another two weeks to get together. Din’s very done with his friends at this point, but he takes one look at Luke’s flustered but smiling face and decides he won’t kill them all this time.

And if everyone thought Luke was a lot of excitement for a humble ranch in the middle of nowhere, then they are in no way, shape, or form, prepared for when his very angry twin sister shows up with a himbo with a shit-eating grin and his 7 foot tall best friend she hired to track her brother down.

(needless to say, Boba punches Han within two minutes of interaction).

#dinluke #dinluke headcanon #dinluke fic #skydalorian #luke skywalker #din djaren #bo-katan kryze #fennec shand #leia organa #they just love each other a lot #and i am but a conduit of that love #Han takes one look at Boba and decides it's his life mission to just annoy the shit out of him #he stays away from fennec though #she's very scary #and she has no time for his dumbass #leia is even more angry and hard to deal with than she usually would be #because not only has her twin brother been missing for like four months #but she has had to deal with han thee peak dumbass solo for at least a week and its driving her insane #Chewwy fits right in #he hangs out with fennec and they go out and shoot cans together #leia hears that luke and din are together now #and she's like #you saw one (1) dilf and couldn't help yourself could you #and din's like #what's a dilf????#and luke is like #it means you're very hot #and leia rolls her eyes

201 notes · View notes

solomonish · 3 years

Text

you and me, we outlive even demons (solomon x reader)

Pros of being immortal: You have all the time in the world to do whatever you want - and, you can be immortal with Solomon. Cons of being immortal: You have to watch all your friends die, and it's Belphegor's time to go.

WARNING: major character death! all of the demon brothers are dead. belphegor is the only one to die on-screen.

ao3 link: here!

When Belphegor died, it was nighttime.

In the Devildom, it is always night, with varying shades of black painting the sky depending on the time and the weather. Once, a long time ago, you were able to distinguish between the slightest shades. Your time as an exchange student provided you with that sort of interesting skill set. But that was thousands of years ago, when the seven lords were all still young, when their scars still throbbed with the sharp ache of loss. You had been the mouse to pluck the splinter from the lion's paw - and now you were the one to see them off, holding the hand you had relieved of pain so very long ago, and watching as it slowly became limp as the demon you loved disappeared.

Demon death was nothing like human death - according to the others, it was a horrifying ordeal with lots of flames and disintegration during the cleanest affairs. However, with their power and the help of Diavolo, they were able to stave off these effects just enough to give you a final goodbye.

When you got the urgent message just minutes before midnight, your heart dropped to your stomach. Belphie had shown the signs of his death for a while, with his power growing dimmer and his sin nearly consuming all of his soul until he could barely stay awake for five minutes a day. His decline only sped up once Beel had gone without him - you knew he had secretly hoped they'd go out together, but fate had other plans and keeping up with Beel's appetite when he could barely fight through his gluttony under normal circumstances was becoming too big a feat to ignore. You were pretty sure the only reason Belphie hadn't allowed himself to succumb as soon as he could have was to give you a chance to recover from that loss.

That was almost more cruel, however. A fitting departure for Belphegor, all things considered.

When you arrived in the Devildom, your portal opening right outside the door to Belphegor's room (an exact teleportation spell that had taken you many more years to master than it rightfully should have, you remember), Diavolo and Barbatos were waiting for you. The king and his butler naturally had much longer lives than the brothers, and had taken upon themselves the death rites duties to ensure they were properly cared for. Their faces were stern, solemn, and they nodded wordlessly at you before opening the door for you.

You didn't need to steel yourself for this. It was your seventh round, after all.

The room was dark, but you could see Belphegor's shape underneath his blankets and pillows. Lying on the floor next to his bed was the cow print pillow he always had with him, and that was the first arrow that pierced your heart. The mementos they decided to leave for you would always have that effect, you supposed.

He was sleeping, unsurprisingly, so you sat gingerly on the bed and decided to wait for him to wake up on his own. You didn't want to rush this moment with him anyway - not now that it was the last one. So instead, you watched his steady breathing, smiling softly to yourself as he shifted and murmured just like he used to when you first met.

Death didn't come with old age for demons. Belphegor looked the same as he used to, if not a little more worn, if not with a few more smile lines. All of the brothers had looked almost the same when they parted - that made it harder, to see them smile at you like it was the early days just moments before they left you for good. Even if they made it no secret that their extensively long lives would eventually come to an end, you thought that you would be long gone by that time. Then, years and years after the exchange program ended, you wound up stepping into the world of immortality, taking your place at Solomon’s side to help guide the humans in their lives without ever showing yourself. (You really should have died that time, but having at least seven powerful demons that would tear every dimension apart for you had its perks. The story of your second escape from death was taboo for about a year, until it became a favorite joke at the table when you were all gathered around, Solomon included, for a holiday or just a dinner to reconnect.)

With a gentle groan, Belphegor shifted and turned to his back, bumping his leg into your hip and peeking at you with one half-open eye. He took a moment to pull himself out of his stupor, but the lazy smile he gave you once he finally realized it was you had your stomach twisting in knots. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Without you asking, Belphegor reached out to you and offered his hand. He was there last time, when Beelzebub had specifically requested that the both of you be there with him. He knew how you wanted to do this. You took his hand, rubbing gently over his knuckles. You were past the point where the size of their hands compared to you startled you, but now, it only served to make you feel a little smaller than before.

Some of the brothers had been chatty before they left. Mammon had been trying to cheer you up, a little shaken up at the prospect of death (and leaving you alone with his brothers - who knew what they would do without him to stop them) and talked to distract himself. Levi was quiet with occasional bursts of asking for reassurance, mostly that you would remember him fondly. Asmo wanted to know if he looked as stunning as he used to, a strange vulnerability in his voice when he said he just wanted your last memory of him to be as pretty as all the others. The others were quiet, having already settled their affairs and relishing in the last moments with their beloved human before finally allowing themselves to let go.

Belphie, it seemed, was a quiet one.

You sat there in comfortable silence, running your fingers over the smooth skin on his hand while he stared up at the ceiling. Not for the first time in your life, you found yourself wondering just what he was thinking. His face was still, showing no emotion that might tip you off. Perhaps that was better. You didn’t want his last day to be one filled with stewing over his regrets.

It took a while, but eventually he shifted slightly so he was turned towards you. That was how you knew it was getting closer - he was turning to say goodbye.

"Thank you, MC. If it hadn't been for you..." Neither of you wanted to think about that. If it hadn't been for your stupidity, or your nosy behavior, perhaps you wouldn't still be alive long past your intended lifespan. Perhaps Belphegor wouldn't be remembering his brothers so fondly now. Maybe they wouldn’t have survived all they’ve been through since your arrival. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. With a sigh, he looked at you one last time and squeezed your hand. "Well, let's just say this dreadful existence wasn't so dreadful at all."

You brought his knuckles to your lips and placed a gentle kiss on them, never breaking eye contact. "I love you, Belphie. Be safe wherever you're going next."

"No." That got you to chuckle. Maybe you WOULD miss his bratty side. Just a little.

"Say hi to your brothers for me."

"Now that I can do." He gave you a smug smirk and squeezed your hand one more time, a little weaker than the last. "Goodbye, MC. Thanks for coming. I love you too."

You stayed there on the bed with him until the gentle thrum of his magic now longer settled beneath his past mark, the pact mark you made sure would stay on your skin forever, long after his hand had gone limp. Then, you stayed a few minutes more before gently placing his hand down and covering your face with your hands.

With that, the seven demon lords were gone, and you sat pactless in their empty, too-quiet house.

After a while, Diavolo and Barbatos came in the room and ushered you out, murmuring a few sympathies and trying to comfort you while saying they needed to do their jobs. You nodded, grabbing the cow pillow and stepping outside of the door. They both offered for you to come back any time you needed, saying that the House of Lamentation would remain empty and protected for a while until they sorted out what to do with the Demon Lords’ material belongings. You, of course, would have a say in their decisions. It wasn’t until they said goodbye and the door to the twins’ room shut with a click that the grief threatening to bubble over started to spill.

When you stepped through the portal, back into the living room of the apartment you and Solomon decided to settle in for a while, you were greeted by none other than the sorcerer himself. He was in a formal outfit, having been out discussing something with the Sorcerer’s Society you still didn’t have the clearance to know about. From his messy hair and wrinkled clothing, he looked like he had been through a long day - but even more than that, he looked like he was on the brink of some small-scale breakdown. Once he saw you, his face shifted from panic to relief to understanding. You belatedly realized that the message made you drop everything and leave, not sparing a moment to text Solomon that you’d be gone and barely turning off the heat you were brewing potions over. No wonder he looked so panicked - who knew what he thought had happened to you?

Instead of admonishing you, he cleared off a spot on the couch in front of him. “It was Belphegor, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Asmodeus was the only one who wanted Solomon to be there when he passed, but even then, he asked that he be alone with you in his true final moments. Despite not being personally included in their deaths, Solomon had been aware of the demon’s passing through you if not through his own snooping. Being able to feel your friends fade through their pact marks freaked you out a little, and you, of course, turned to Solomon when you needed to vent about it.

After the couch was cleared of his jacket and papers from the both of you, he approached you slowly. This time, you didn’t open your arms to accept his embrace - you were holding too tightly to the cow pillow, sniffling, worried you might actually fall apart if you dared to let go. Solomon got the message and placed one hand on your shoulder, gently guiding you to sit on the couch. He sat right next to you, so close that there was no space between your thighs, and lifted his arm so you could curl into him. Between the brothers and the people you loved in your original life, he had gotten surprisingly good at comforting you. You had a feeling this unexpected proficiency was only for you - Solomon hadn’t exactly been the best at comfort until you told him what you needed.

You made yourself comfortable, leaning into his chest and letting him gently run his hand up and down your arm. Other than your sniffling, the apartment was quiet. The sun was just barely beginning to rise, shining through the large window to your side. Even if not much was said, Belphegor’s death must have taken a long time, you thought idly.

“I’m sorry for worrying you,” you murmured when it felt like you could speak again. The strain in your voice didn’t go unnoticed by either of you, but Solomon had the wisdom to save any observations for himself.

“It’s alright. I only just got home. I wasn’t worrying for long.”

“They kept you for a while.”

“Yeah,” He started, running his free hand down his face. Honestly, he could fill the day with the ridiculous stories the old masters he had to deal with gave him. Between their obviously exaggerated tales and the stupid hoops Solomon had to jump through to get a straight answer (which never failed to make him wonder how you had the infinite patience to stay with him, though he’d never say it out loud), it was a wonder how he got out of the headquarters in a day. But he’d have those stories in his mind for a while, and distracting you now wouldn’t help anything, so he only repeated himself after his pause. ”Yeah.”

Your gaze fixated on a spot on the carpet, probably an old potion stain. Or maybe it was a wine stain from when the remaining brothers came over for dinner. With another clench in your chest, you realized Lucifer and Mammon never got to see this apartment. It was sleek, and definitely one of the nicer places the two of you picked out to live in - Mammon would have loved it.

“You were right,” You finally murmured. “It never got easier with them.”

“That might be a good thing. The younger brothers would have been jealous if you had been more sad about the older ones.”

You considered that and nodded, clutching the pillow tighter to your chest. “I just...I knew they weren’t immortal like us, but...it was just hard to imagine that they would actually die.”

Beside you, Solomon hummed and nodded as he shifted his free hand so it was placed oh-so-gently over his hip. He, too, decided to keep Asmodeus’ pact mark when he passed. Even with a few thousand years more of experience, it seemed Solomon was just as susceptible to the habits of sentimentality.

“What are we going to do?” Burying your face in the pillow, you fought off a shudder that threatened to shake you with your sudden dread. “The lords are gone. Will there be new ones? How will Diavolo be able to lead with just himself?”

“I doubt there will be any replacements coming anytime soon. Diavolo thinks of them as friends. Besides, Lucifer was really the only one who helped him out. He’s had a few hundred years to get used to doing things without him.” You didn’t lift your face from the pillow for a while, huddling in on yourself until you felt Solomon gently tap the side of your cheek, asking for your attention. Slowly, you lifted your head from the pillow and wiped the tear streaks from your face as Solomon gently tilted your face higher so he could make proper eye contact. “You’re used to fixing things for them, MC, we both know that. But everybody else has it under control. You need to take this time to...sort yourself out.”

You knew he was right - you had been nothing but a fixer since you met the demons (not that it was chore - at least, not in hindsight.) This wasn’t your mess to clean up. If anything, you felt like the mess that needed cleaned up. Sorting yourself out, though, picking up your pieces when you thought they were shattered in different quadrants of the earth...it seemed impossible.You shuffled so you were now sitting cross-legged and facing him, keeping your head up and ignoring the sting in your eyes as more tears threatened to spill.

“I miss them all, Solomon. So much.”

“I know you do.”

“It feels….it feels like I’ll never figure out how to get through this now that they’re all gone.”

“I can imagine.”

His tone was far from unkind, but you could tell he was practiced in his sympathy. Still, you knew that having him around to just tell your woes to was already helping you. At least you felt validated in being wrecked by the fall that was already hundreds of years in the making.

You could tell that Solomon noticed the way your eyebrows furrowed, but you beat him to speaking. “How did you do this on your own? This is terrible. I feel terrible.”

Eyes wide, and stared at you for a moment. Clearly, he hadn’t been expecting you to turn the conversation on him. Even if he was much more open with you now than he’d ever been, even if he was fine with showing you how he felt...now wasn’t the time to let you in on the vulnerabilities of being immortal and alone.

“That...it doesn’t matter now, does it? We’ve got each other now. You’ve got me.” He held his arm out again, offering you to lean back into him. You took the invitation, burying the bottom half of your face back in the pillow. “When you’re feeling a little better, I can make you breakfast in a few hours.”

He could feel you cringe. Was he seriously going to make you supervise your own breakfast when you were this upset? But he knew what he was doing, evident by his gentle chuckle and the feather-light kiss he placed on the crown of your head. “Ah, I misspoke. I can get you breakfast.”

“You’re going to leave me like this?” To prove your point, you did your best to snuggle in closer.

“Only if you’re ready for me to.”

“...you might have to make it lunch, then.”

His thumb went back to gentle stroking your arm, soothing enough to convince you to even your breaths. You didn’t want to sob uncontrollably, but the longer you sat and stewed over your grief, the closer you felt yourself inch to that edge. But Solomon was right. You had him here, and he had been there all the other times. He would be there again, should you need him - and you swore you’d be there for him, too.

Maybe you would be okay after all.

#okay i SWEAR i'm pausing future solomon fics until i can write SOMETHING for someone else #i just have sorcerer brainrot #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me solomon #obey me swd #swd obey me #swd solomon #solomon x reader #obey me solomon x reader #mine #solomon angst #solomon fics

152 notes · View notes

uwuwriting · 4 years

Note

Maybe pregnant hcs for Todoroki, Iida, Shinsou and Amajiki???💓💓💓💓💓

-Ohoho!!!! This right here just melts my hurt. Even thinking about it makes me weak.Plus a little heads up, everyone is having daughters cause I’m weak to the knees with the thought of these four and their babygirls so be prepared. Hope I don’t disappoint.💖💖💖

*All characters are aged up so around the ages of 20-25 and up*

Todoroki Shouto

-You and Shouto have been together since your second year in UA.

-You got married when you both got well acquainted with the hero life and now live a happy , yet busy, life in an apartment near his mom’s house.

-We know that this boy would want his family to be close to him and the fact that you get along with everyone fills his heart with so much love.

-You two never really talked about children.

-Maybe a few suggestions of having a child in the future but nothing serious.

-Que the morning sickness.

-Shouto was really worried about you, I mean look at you.

-You’re emptying your guts in the toilet every single morning.

-You can’t eat most foods that you used to like and have a weird craving for tuna yogurt?!

-He doesn’t want to leave the house, he even convinced you to take some days off and try to relax.

-Give your body rest.

-He promised to get some days off himself to take care of you.

-You had your suspicions, tbh.

-You just didn’t tell him.

-Whether that was to not get his hopes up or to post pone the heartbreak you didn’t really know.

-So what if you were mildly panicking over the fact that the 5 pregnancy tests you just took were all positive.

-It was the first day of your mini ‘vacation’ and thankfully Shouto had been called in today.

-Because you’re panicking and legit losing your shit over this, you call....Rei.

-Okay maybe it wasn’t the best course of action considering you were on the verge of cardiac arrest, but what can you do.

-You asked her if she was home and if you could stop by.

-Of course she said yes, delighted to see you and mentioned that Fuyumi was also going to stop by in around an hour.

-You made your way to her house, arriving just as Fuyumi was pulling into the drive way.

-After greeting each other and going inside, you took your seats in the living room and waited for Rei to make some tea.

-Fuyumi was going on and on about what the kids at the kindergarten were doing and how cute some of them were being.

-Neither of the Todoroki women had missed your puffy eyes or how your smile would constantly waver, but they decided to let you tell them on your own accord.

-Once Rei joined you in the living room, they both turned to you.

- “So how have you been Y/n, dear?” Rei said watching you really closely.

-You looked down, feeling hot tears starting to form in your eyes and your throat tightening painfully.

-Fuyumi moved closer to you while Rei draped an arm around your shoulders which were shacking at the moment.

- “I-I’m p-pregnant.” it was barely a whisper, but they heard it alright.

-Mom mode activated 2x.

-They reassured you that everything was going to be fine and how lucky you are.

-They repeatedly said how excited Shouto will be and what of a push over of a dad he would become.

-After 4 long hours of baby talk, you returned home, collapsing on the sofa before passing out for a good 3 hour nap.

-When you woke up, Shouto was home and sitting next to you weaving his fingers absentmindedly through your hair.

- “Hey there sleepyhead.”

-How could his voice be so soft!?!?

-You buried your face into the blanket, which really confused him, I mean...what did he do?

- “We have a problem...” pause....awkward silence.... “I’m pregnant.”

-*Windows noises*

-After the mild stroke, he lifted you up so you were looking at him and just stared at you.

-Those seconds that he just looked at you felt like eternity.

-The torture ended however, when he lowered his head to your stomach and lifting your shirt, placed a small kiss right under your belly button.

- “Hey there, snowflake. Nice to meet you.”

-And with that, 9 exhausting months started full of mood swings, weird cravings, back rubs and a never ending list of baby names.

-You two learned you were having twins on your fifth appointment, but you decided to keep the gender a surprise.

-On a cold January night your two girls were brought into the world and it was one of the few times you had seen Endeavour and Natsuo in the same room bawling their eyes out.

-Your white haired baby was named Rei *after her grandmother* while your mixed red and h/c babygirl Ren.

-When Shouto held them for the first time, you thought he was going to have a mental breakdown.

-He’s a total push over and your girls are daddy’s girls to the core.

-He’s the best dad they could ask for.

Iida Tenya

-You and Tenya have been married for 6 years now and have been trying endlessly for a baby.

-You both agreed that you were ready for the responsibility and that having a little Tenya running around the house sounded like a great idea.

-Saying that you were exhausted form the attempts was an understatement.

-Tenya had incredible stamina and even more libido, so you can safely assume that during the week long process of baby making you couldn’t walk straight.

-However, your little shenanigans stopped when your doctor delivered you the news.

-You had been hit by a blood related quirk while dealing with a villain and had to get a check up afterwards.

-You were given a scolding the moment you saw your doctor because why aren’t you in desk duty you RASCAL!?

-You were confused beyond belief and it was written all over your face.

- “You don’t know do you?”

-Le sigh.

- “Mrs. Iida I’m happy to announce you that you’re expecting, so that means you are to be put in desk duty for the next 4 months or else I’m making sure you don’t leave the house for a good 9 months.”

-You. Were. Ecstatic.

-You ran to Tenya’s agency, bringing down the damned door to his office giving the man a heart attack.

- “Y/n what’s-”

- “I’M PREGNANT!”

-Que ecstatic air chopping.

-Tenya went into full dad mode during those 9 months.

-Buttt he’s also kinda nervous.

-Nervous like Tamaki in a crowd level nervous.

-You get the image.

-You have anything you want whenever you want it.

-The nursery is done the moment you find out you are having a gilr.

-Unlike Todoroki he isn’t patient enough to keep the gender a secret.

-When the day arrives, you’re just chilling outside with him when you nonchalantly blurt out ‘my waters broke’.

-....oh...oH.....OHSHIIIIIIIT.

- “WHY ARE YOU SO CALM?! GET UP! ARE YOU IN PAIN? CAN YOU WALK!?”

-This goes on until you are screaming and crushing his hand in the delivery room.

-Your little girl is born and she’s a carbon copy of Tenya.

-Same colored hair and eyes.

-The face structure looks like you.

-She has your nose and mouth, along with your eyebrows but apart from that she’s a mini genderbend Tenya.

-Because she was born early in the morning you decided to change her name and so little Asami Tenya was officially a part of this world.

-Tenya cried.

-You cried.

-Asami cried.

-You were one happy crying family.

Shinsou Hitoshi

-You and Hitoshi have been together for two years now, but you haven’t put a ring on it.

-Sure you live together and act like a married couple already but you’re not Mrs.Shinsou.....yet.

-You have been feeling strange for days now and your period was late which never happens.

-You are panicking but unlike Shouto you two aren’t married.

-He can leave with almost no complications.

-You were his girlfriend not his wife.

-The pregnancy tests you had taken were mocking you from the bathroom sink and your poor hormone ridden mind couldn’t handle the stress.

-You cried a river until you heard keys jiggling and HItoshi’s iconic ‘Kitten, I’m home!’

-You couldn’t face him like this.

-In a haste you shoved the tests into the laundry basket along with their packages and covered them with some sheets.

-Fixing your hair and washing your face, you straightened and walked out the door.

-After greeting Hitoshi with a kiss you calmly told him to go get ready while you made him something to eat.

-Your mind was running laps thinking how you could tell him or how you could solve your little problem as quietly as possible.

-That is until he walked in holding what seemed to be a box.

-A pregnancy test box.

-HOW CAN YOU BE BLIND?

- “Y/n, what’s this?”pause “Are you..?”

-Anddd more crying.

-You sobbed about how sorry you were and how you couldn’t explain how it happened.

-Both of you were so careful, how did this happen???

-After a good 15 minutes of you bawling your eyes out on the kitchen floor while Hitoshi was trying to calm you down, you finally stopped at the sound of his chuckle.

- “Well, damn kitten, your surprise definitely beat mine.”

-Then he pulled a small velvet box from his pocket and watched you closely.

-Now you are Mrs.Shinsou.

-These 9 months weren’t as bad as you would expect.

-Hitoshi was really good at giving you everything you wanted and during the whole pregnancy you didn’t lift a finger.

-One October night your waters broke and you found yourself in a long procedure of bringing your child into the world.

-Hitoshi was a wreck and had called Aizawa for emotional support who called Hizashi who called Midnight.

-Once you were finished, Hitoshi rushed into your room and found you utterly exhausted.

-He was the first to hold your baby and you have never seen him cry this much in your life.

- “Hello my little Kei.”

-Kei Shinsou was a happy little girl with an amazing father by her side.

Amajiki Tamaki

-Ah love.

-Something Tamaki found during high school and held onto it ever since.

-Now a well known pro hero, Suneater was more than happy with his life with you.

-He always wanted a little something more but never expressed it.

-He loved the idea of having a mini you running around the living room or waking him up in the morning with little squeals and kisses.

-He loved you to the moon and back, more than life itself but having a kid with you sparked a whole new sensation in him.

-So he tried to be sly about it.

-Forgetting the condoms or to pull out.

-You not being able to find your pills.

-A whole lot of fun.

-You were newly weds and your libidos were high af and with the prospect of children on the table Tamaki became 10x more driven and horny.

-So you weren’t all that surprised when your doctor gave you the news.

-You had gone for a plain old check up when he came into the room with a bright smile on his face and congratulations falling like a waterfall from his mouth.

-Once back home you put your plan in motion.

-You had a feeling Tamaki was trying to knock you up for some time now.

-He couldn’t forget to pull out every time like come on.

-But you were fine with it since you too wanted a kid with him.

-You just would’ve liked a little heads up first.

-You made your little bun and put it in the oven.

-And waited.

-Until finally Tamaki walked through the door, a smile gracing his features as he made his way to you.

- “Hey bunny.”

-Giving him a quick peck you told him to check the oven real quick to make sure the food was all good.

-He obliged, walking to the kitchen and seeing the sole bun sitting in the oven.

-He was beyond confused on why you would only make one bun in the oven and not more, I mean you are two peop- ohhhh.

-OH.

-He did it.

-He let the news settle in before going back to you.

- “Are you sure?” nod “100% sure?” another nod.

-At that he fell to his knees in front of you, attacking your stomach with kisses and I love yous.

-To whom they were directed you couldn’t actually tell but you were happy either way.

-Calls the baby butterfly.

-Makes the whole nursery along with Mirio who is ecstatic.

-Butterfly themed baby room.

-Expect many back and belly rubs along with Tamaki coming home early because Fatgum cannot allow him to stay at work when he’s preparing for a baby.

-When your waters break you are buying some onesies with small octopuses on them.

-You have never been taken to the hospital so fast in your whole hero career.

-After many painful and stressful hours, your baby girl is born and she’s stunning.

-She has Tama’s ears and hair but your eyes and nose.

-She’s a perfect mix.

-The Big 3 cry as a team.

-When she’s given to him, Tamaki just cry laughs at how gorgeous she’s.

-Many thank yous are exchanged.

- Cho Amajiki.

-Tamaki cannot stop repeating the name even after they have taken her away.

-He curls on the chair next to you, holding your hand the whole night, falling into a deep sleep, imaging his new life with his little butterfly.

2K notes · View notes

zigtheeortega · 4 years

Text

out of time

✿ pairing: sienna x danny

✿ word count: 3354

✿ warnings: death, loss

✿ author’s note: well, i thought i’d just flesh out what we didn’t get to see, since i highly doubt they’ll expand on it since it’s off screen. it’s not my best work, but it was written out of spite so hopefully that makes up for the lack of quality LMAO. anyways, i tagged everybody who liked this post and added it to the end since there were quite a few! [sidenote: i wrote this post after i’d started this fic so if you see similarities, that’s why] i really hope you like it and that i did both sienna and danny justice!

•─────────✦✿✦────────•

She sprinted down the hallway, pager still beeping erratically on her hip, the weight of the numbers enough to make her feel like she was slugging through wet concrete.

No, no, not him, please, not him, she chanted to herself, vision blurring with tears before she had the chance to let the negative possibilities set in.

He’s gonna be okay. It’s okay. We’re okay.

Thankfully she was only one floor away, taking the steps two at a time, shoes squeaking against the waxy floor. Sweat formed on her brow as she shoved through the stair’s exit door, pushing past every intern in her way.

Normally she’d stop to apologize, but not today. She didn’t know how much time she had. It could be minutes, and she wasn’t going to waste even a second apologizing when someone’s life was on the line.

She saw the small crowd forming outside of the room and barrelled towards them without a second thought, tearing her way to the front.

When she saw Spencer’s terrorized gaze, her chest tightened involuntarily. Her body covered the entrance to the room, so she could barely see into the room, but she did catch a glimpse of something that made her blood run cold.

A purple pant leg strewn across the floor, ankle relaxed, unmoving, peeking out behind Spencer’s side.

“Sienna, stop. You can’t go any further,” Ethan murmured, gently holding her in place with his arm.

“But I have to – Danny – he’s –” she struggled against his grip, lip wobbling.

“Please,” he said, more of a statement than a question, like he was holding back, too, the strain in his voice enough to stop her in her tracks.

She watched, helpless, as Spencer and Rafael scrambled to seal the room, Bobby convulsing on the ground, Travis passed out, and Danny getting weaker and weaker by the second.

It was like turning on the news and seeing tragedy after tragedy – she always felt absolutely helpless. Her empathy always felt like a curse in those moments. She couldn’t stop herself from feeling everything, whether she wanted to or not.

She wrapped her arms around herself, digging her fingernails into her side, rocking from foot to foot. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from Danny’s frail form on the ground.

“Hey, I came here as fast as I could,” a voice huffed at her side. She turned, met with Jackie’s concerned gaze, hands on her hips as she panted, tiny sweat stains dotting her teal scrubs.

“It’s… All of them, Jackie, –” she couldn’t find the words to quite describe the soul crushing weight of the situation.

Bobby, Rafael, Spencer, and Danny… people that had been her emotional rocks through the lowest points of her life.

Bobby was her unsung hero. He’d keep guard while she cried in the supply closet so she wasn’t disturbed, in return for a dozen of her chocolate chip cookies. After the first few times, she brought him baked goods weekly regardless of whether she had a breakdown or not.

Rafael was her empath twin, as weird as it sounded. She’d branded them that as a joke, between giggles, on her late night break at the cafeteria. Despite it being stated jokingly, it was true – they found themselves confiding in each other each time they faced a difficult situation, bonding over the fact that their jobs took a lot more out of them than the normal person.

Spencer was her late night confidante, the person who she’d crawl into bed with at 3 a.m. after having another detailed nightmare where she was cursed with endless terminal patients. There weren’t that many people she’d platonically cuddle and sob until she was a snotting mess next to.

And Danny… he was the future. He was a vision of what she’d always wanted.

It took her too long to break away from Wayne’s hold. She knew he was toxic, but she didn’t want to admit it – how was she supposed to admit that she’d been wrong for that long?

With Danny, she was comfortable. He got her in a way no one else did. He had the potential to be every single role that her friends played simultaneously.

God, and she’d told him she needed time. She hadn’t properly healed from Wayne so she needed some time before she moved on and –

Now it’s too late, she thought to herself as she watched them wheel out Travis and Danny in glass cases.

And Bobby in a body bag.

“Holy shit,” Jackie breathed, eyes widening. “Fuck – Oh my god, Sienna –”

The tears were already flowing as she slammed her face into Jackie’s chest, body wracked with inconsolable sobs.

She’d never hugged Jackie like this before, as she hated physical affection unless it was… PG-13.

Jackie stiffened, but wrapped her arms around Sienna’s shoulders, patting her back, slowly melting into the embrace.

“We’ll visit him as soon as we can,” she said in her ear, holding Sienna up as she nearly crumbled.

––––

Danny’s body was still, the only movement his heaving chest as he took shallow, labored breaths, his normally warm skin tone muted, drained of color.

“Hey, it’s me,” she called as she closed the door behind her, voice shaky, tote bag at her side. “I hope you can hear me.”

No response.

“Uh… I brought some of our favs. Secret of Ninradell and some music to play so hopefully it makes your dreams a little sweeter – ” she forced a laugh, trying to keep her brave face. “I brought some cookies that I baked last night – uh, I’m sorry they’re not fresh – I –”

Her voice cracked, and she rolled her lips together to keep her chin from trembling. She dragged a nearby chair closer to the glass box, sliding into it, never taking her eyes from his face.

God, why did it have to be you? She thought to herself, covering her mouth with her hands as she cried, her soft sobs muted by the loud machines monitoring his vitals.

She popped open the cover of the hardback, highlighter in hand. “I’m gonna read this to you, if that’s okay? I’m highlighting passages that remind me of you,” she smiled sadly, watching his eyes roll underneath their lids. He was dreaming.

“I know you hate when I mark up books. That’s the librarian speaking, huh?” She giggled, remembering the time he told her about his job in the campus library, and his deep hatred for the Dewey decimal system.

She began reading, trying her best at different accents, failing miserably, but it distracted her from reality if just momentarily.

Her year had been full of blow after crushing blow, both professionally and personally. Losing Wayne, breaking the news to terminal patients, dealing with the toll it took on her mental health, as well as dealing with an intern that was using her – she wasn’t stupid. She just would rather suck it up than have someone upset with her that was supposed to look up to her. Stupid, but she couldn’t handle the thought of disappointing another person.

Hours later, voice hoarse, pages and pages marked up, her hands stained with neon yellow ink, she was drifting off to sleep where she sat – but a groan startled her awake.

“Uhhhhhh,” he moaned, visibly in pain, writhing uncomfortably.

“Danny? Hey, I’m here,” she rushed forward to the box, pressing her hand up against the side, hoping he could feel the warmth of her hand through the glass.

“Sienna…?” He asked, eyes fluttering open and closed. He couldn’t focus on her face.

“I’m here. I’m not leaving.”

“Good,” he croaked, weakly flopping his hand to touch the glass.

He didn’t know it, but those two words were enough to strengthen her withering resolve. She fell asleep cradling the glass, arm slung over the top.

–––

She was ripped from her sleep by intense beeping from the machines surrounding Danny, and she glanced down, peering through the glass at Danny’s quivering form, switching between violent shakes and gentle shivers.

She slammed the emergency button and quickly went to work trying to find the source of the issue, waiting for the nurses to come as back up.

“Danny. Danny, stay with me. Listen to my voice. Hold on, alright? Nurses are heading here now, and we’re going to take care of you,” she said calmly, betraying her shaking hands.

They set to work immediately, trying to keep him from slipping into unconsciousness, all four nurses working swiftly, nimble fingers and precise movements, never getting into each others’ way.

Sienna watched from outside as they worked, glass box open, desperately wishing she had a hazmat suit. Ethan and Jackie observed, giving calm commands.

“Sienna!”

She turned, eyes red rimmed from crying and lack of sleep, startling Elijah as he rolled to a stop next to her.

“Jackie asked me to send an intern up to bring you a hazmat suit… but I thought I’d bring it myself, to check on you,” he said, eyebrows furrowed, handing the folded hazmat suit from his lap to her arms.

“Don’t feel like you need to talk to me right now, alright? I’ll wait out here, if you need me.” He gave her a sympathetic smile as he patted her arm.

“Thank you,” she mumbled, hastily throwing on the hazmat suit and ripping at the zipper, growing more and more frustrated as it caught on her clothes. “Come on. Come on, come on –”

“Here, let me help,” Elijah offered. “Bend down and I’ll zip it up.”

She followed his instruction and squatted as Elijah glided the zipper upwards, patting her back softly when he was done.

And like before, she had no time to thank him. She didn’t want to miss one second with Danny.

She burst into the room, not disturbing the hive-like efficiency of the nurses.

She watched as they poked and prodded and worked tirelessly to keep him conscious. There was an undeniable tension in the air, stretched so thin it could snap at any moment.

The strained atmosphere of the room didn’t come from the doctors – it came from the nurses. Sienna knew how much Danny meant to his coworkers. He was always the first to resolve conflict and make people feel at ease.

They were tight knit; losing Danny would be a crushing blow.

“Please, Jackie, tell me what’s happening,” she said between panicky breaths, unable to contain her anxiety. “I need to know.”

“We’re trying to stabilize him… but we’re not sure what’s causing him to go into shock in the first place,” Jackie said, brows furrowed.

Three long, painful minutes later, his heart rate returned to normal, his whole body in a feverish sweat.

“That took a lot out of him,” Sienna whispered, watching a nurse press a damp, cool cloth to his forehead and neck.

“You know we have to get rid of your bag, right? It’s contaminated,” Jackie grimaced, motioning to the nurse that was zipping it into a sealed bag, about to throw it away.

“No, you can’t – I didn’t even get to finish reading Ninradell to him last night,” Sienna pleaded, rushing forward to the nurse.

“You can’t take it out of this room,” Ethan shook his head, his statement dismissive, but his tone of voice sympathetic.

“Can I at least finish reading it to him? I promise I’ll dispose of it properly. I just… I need some more time with him.”

“I don’t think –” “I’ll stay with her,” Jackie nodded, holding Ethan’s gaze. “Don’t worry, I’ll page you if anything happens.”

With one firm tilt of his chin, he left the room, presumably towards Spencer and Rafael.

“We think he can hear what’s going on around him, so it’s actually a great idea to read to him,” Jackie said, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “It might help pull him through this.”

Jackie grabbed the bag from the nurse wordlessly, handing it back to Sienna. “You can take a break,” she said to the group of nurses anxiously huddled next to Danny. “We’ll watch over him.”

One of them started sealing the box, but Sienna stopped them with a frantic “Wait.”

“Keep it open. I’ll seal it later,” Jackie ordered gently.

She slipped into the seat next to him, holding firmly onto the edge of the glass.

Jackie must’ve noticed she was debating whether or not she should touch him, so she confirmed it for her. “You can touch him. Don’t be afraid.”

“But I am,” she said, voice cracking, tears threatening to spill. It was tiresome how much she’d cried over the past twelve hours.

She was thankful he’d held on for that long, but she had no idea when it was coming. From his steadily declining health as well as appearance, it was inevitable.

“I’m so scared,” Sienna whispered, refusing to look at her, eyes trained on the rise and fall of his chest.

“You have every right to be, babe. I’m so sorry,” Jackie said, striding over to rest an arm around her shoulders.

“I… told him I needed more time to be me, you know? I needed to figure out more about me because with Wayne and with surviving last year and the stuff with Spencer and Mrs. Martinez and – and –” she cut herself off, trying to regain her composure.

“You lost sight of who you were.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly it. Everything I thought I knew was thrown out the window and it’s like I haven’t even had time to recover,” she said, her voice still wavering.

“I did the same thing last year. But you can’t beat yourself up about it. You never in a million years would’ve guessed that this could happen.”

Sienna took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to unravel the tight coil in her chest. “But he was the only thing making coming to work worth it. I like him a lot and I just… told him to wait.”

“If he had a problem with that, he would’ve moved on.”

She glanced up, met with Jackie’s soft expression, sympathetic and kind – so much different than the tough exterior she was used to. “Don’t blame yourself, Sienna. It’ll break you.”

She knew she was right, but the nagging voice at the back of her mind wouldn’t allow her to let it go.

She cracked the book open, flipping to the last page she’d read from, about two-thirds into it. But before she could start reading, Danny stirred.

His hand twitched, his fingers flexing like he was grabbing for something. Without a second thought she grasped his hand between her glove-clad palms, the book clamoring onto the ground.

“Sienna…” he whispered, trying to open his eyes, but they fluttered shut, like a weight pulling at his lashes.

She wanted desperately to see his bright eyes again, to hear him to reassure her that it’d all work out. That she’d be okay. That he’d be okay.

“Hey, I’m here,” she said, lightly squeezing her hand.

He moaned, presumably in pain, wiggling like he couldn’t stay still.

“How bad is your pain on a scale 1-10? I’m gonna count up and you squeeze my hand to stop me, alright?”

He gave a weak tilt of his chin, a single nod the only thing he could muster.

She began counting. “One… two… three…”

Nothing.

She kept counting, feeling a weak squeeze when she said “Nine.”

“I’ve never felt this bad before,” he whispered, Sienna having to lean in to hear him.

“Danny, if it’s a ten, you need to tell me,” she chewed the inside of her lip, already racking her brain for the best pain medicine that wouldn’t react with the mystery poison.

“It’s not at a ten…” He stirred, wincing, managing a weak smile. “Because you’re here with me.”

He sighed, like it took a lot out of him to say two sentences.

“That was so sweet,” she said, glancing up at Jackie, knowing her haunted expression would ruin the moment if she let him see it.

Jackie looked equally as upset, her jaw set, fists clenched at her side.

“Stop it, Dr. Varma… you’ve done –” he took another deep, shuddering breath. “You’ve done so much for me already.”

“So have you. You’re a trooper,” Jackie nodded, looking up at the ceiling. Sienna couldn’t tell if she was trying to hold back tears or keep herself from thinking about it. “Thanks for holding out for us, Danny.”

“I don’t know how much longer I can, though,” he said, gripping Sienna’s hand, opening his eyes unexpectedly.

She shook her head, holding his hand to her chest. “No, don’t think like that. You can hold on for a while longer. I believe in you.”

“Sienna… You’re my favorite person,” he breathed, looking up at her with a spark of life in his eyes, a contrast from the gaunt look of his face. His dark circles gave the allusion that his eyes were sunken in, a skeleton of who he was less than 24 hours ago.

It scared the hell out of her how quickly he changed – and how content he looked with slipping away.

“You have to let them test on me,” he squeezed her hand. “It’ll help.”

“No, you’re gonna be fine –”

“It’s okay,” he reassured her, a soft smile adorning his lips, pale and cracked. “You’ll be okay.”

He craned his neck, trying to hold his head up. Sienna slipped her hand underneath the nape of his neck, supporting him. He tilted his head forward, lightly pressing his damp forehead against her hazmat suit.

She leaned forward, pressing hers against the loose protective fabric, feeling the warmth of his skin through it.

“You can’t go, I – your family hasn’t even gotten to visit you –” She choked, the warm tears dotting the thick plastic screen, streaking down to fall farther into her suit.

“They couldn’t get here in time,” he said, matter-of-factly.

They sat there like that for a while. Her concept of time was thrown out the window as soon as she got the initial page, so it could’ve been ten seconds or ten minutes.

“Thank you for reading to me.”

She laughed, sniffling. “We spent all night talking about Ninradell, so it was only fitting I stayed up all night to read it to you.”

Another little while passed. Talking took so much out of him, that he had to take a few breaks between his speech so he wouldn’t pass out from exhaustion. “Don’t blame yourself,” he said, cutting through the silence. “You couldn’t have stopped this.”

She stared at her hands, clasped around his own, drained of color. He’d closed his eyes, so thankfully he couldn’t see her pained expression.

“I know. I can’t help but feel responsible for everything, even when it’s out of my control… I’m so sorry,” she said, voice breaking for the millionth time. She could barely form words without choking on them.

She cursed herself for not being stronger. Overwhelming emotion was enough to render her speechless, meanwhile Danny was pushing through searing pain in order to leave her with words she’d carry with her forever.

He’d mustered his last bit of energy to tell her to be kind to herself.

The machine behind him beeped. His heart rate had slowed to a crawl, and he was gone before Jackie could spring to action.

And when his hand went limp in between her palms, she let out an inhuman wail that no one, not even Spencer, had heard before.

––––

tags: @saintniceguy ; @part-of-the-circus ; @vandalasal ; @dudebro-lahela ; @averysheart-raleighsdick ; @cptnvers ; @bringing-back-socks-with-sandals ; @la-huerta ; @ironysyndrome ; @anotordinarygoldfish ; @pumpkinbutt ; @browneyedmissy ; @soo-empty ; @anonymous2094 ; @lumpyspaceprincessismybitch ; @lady-stirling ; @papinaveensbitch ; @writinghereandthere ; @unusualvisionsblog ; @beccadavenport ; @messofakind ; @violinet ; @serafinedupont ; @raleiighcarrera ; @pixeljazzy ; @pixelsandkink ; @altairadtaz

#open heart #sienna trinh #danny cardinal #sienna x danny #danny x sienna #my fic #jade writes choices fics #sorry if i normally tag u and forgot !!!#prob need to make a taglist but i am SO inconsistent im sorry #also im sorry if this isn't great LMAO again i wrote this out of rage and pure spite so #like i said hopefully that makes up for it !!!#very nervous ab this one !!!!#tw death #tw loss

82 notes · View notes

fiftymilehighclub · 3 years

Text

Crash Course: Billy and Tommy

For the uninitiated who just found out about these two via WandaVision, here is the sequence of events that leads to a) why the boys have different last names and b) why Tommy has white hair:

Vision and the Scarlet Witch, 1985: Billy and Tommy are born while Wanda and Vision are living a ‘normal’ life in New Jersey. It is later established that Wanda’s pregnancy was, initially, only a psychosomatic ‘hysterical’ pregnancy due to jealousy over her brother’s marriage to Crystal Amaquelin (Inhuman) and birth of their daughter Luna.

It is also later established (in Young Avengers Presents: Wiccan and Speed) that Billy and Tommy were actually created by Wanda, using her reality-warping powers and the power of an eldritch god which had inhabited her body, using fragments of the soul of Mephisto, lord of Hell.

During a battle, Wanda momentarily loses the focus which keeps the souls attached to the twins’ bodies, and they vanish. However, the fragments of soul which created them were purified by her love, and instead of returning to Mephisto, were instead reborn in the bodies of two boys living in separate parts of New England: Billy Kaplan, in the Upper West Side (later Chelsea), New York, and Tommy Shepherd, in Springfield, New Jersey.

Though it has been considered dubiously canon now, early on it was hinted that both boys were adopted at the same time; Billy also mentions having two brothers who are never named and only mentioned once.

Young Avengers v1 issue 1-6, April 2005: After the events of Disassembled. The Avengers are defunct, due to Wanda’s mental breakdown over the loss of her children caused a causality chain-reaction that led to the deaths of several Avengers (including Jack of Hearts and Ant-Man, Scott Lang). A group of boys, led by a time-displaced youthful version of Kang the Conqueror (Nathaniel Richards, a distant descendant of both Tony Stark and Reed Richards) is determined to change his destiny as a supervillain by reforming the Avengers and being a hero called Iron Lad and leading a team consisting of Patriot (Eli Bradley, nephew of Captain America/Josiah X, America: Red, White and Black), Hulkling (Teddy Altman, son of Captain Marvel [Mar-Vell] and Princess Anelle of the Skrull Empire, who is unaware of his heritage at the start and believes himself to be a mutant), and Asgardian (Billy Kaplan, who aside from being a massive Avengers fanboy doesn’t have an immediately recognized connection to the Avengers). Cassie Lang, daughter of the late Ant-Man, demands to join the team, calling herself Stature (she has stolen Pym particles and can grow and shrink at will) and later, after rescuing her family from a hostage situation, Kate Bishop insinuates herself into the team as well and is, at the end, simply called Hawkeye.

House of M, August 2005: The Young Avengers are too new to be ‘involved’ in the event, but the twins (and their creepy ‘brother’ Tyler) are present as small children in Wanda’s delusion. She re-lives their birth, and re-traumatizes herself in their loss. It’s a whole thing. Her daughter with Nightcrawler (TJ) from another reality shows up. (Nocturne is an actual bean please read up on her).

Decimation, January 2006: “No More Mutants.” 198 mutants out of millions are all that remain after Wanda’s proclamation. Fortuitously, two of those who remain are Billy and Tommy (and TJ)

Young Avengers v1 issue 7-12: Teddy is caught in the middle of an intergalactic power struggle: both the Kree and Skrulls want him, as he has significant positions of power with both races, and his mother (who he discovers was really his nursemaid who spirited him away from the Skrull homeworld to protect him) is murdered by the Super-Skrull. In order to rescue him, the Young Avengers use the Vision’s programming (now stored in Iron Lad’s old suit, now named Jonas) to track down another potential linked mutant. They break Tommy out of a mutant-research facility his mother had remanded him to after a run-in with the law. Tommy is unstable and violent, but it’s immediately clear he and Billy are twins and there is More To The Story. Billy drops the Asgardian name, starts calling himself Wiccan, and accidentally outs himself as gay (and dating Teddy) to his parents.

Young Avengers Special: Wiccan and Speed: Billy and Tommy go back to Vision and Wanda’s home in New Jersey to look for clues to their past. The Mephisto connection is established and it is confirmed that they are, in fact, Wanda’s children.

Civil War, 2006: After the New Warriors cause Nitro to detonate in front of an elementary school, killing hundreds of innocents in the process (known as the Stamford Incident), the government pushes through the Mutant Registration Act, forcing all superpowered individuals to either register with the federal government or else be deemed a risk and placed under arrest. This divides the Young Avengers -- Cassie, Kate and Jonas believe it is for the greater good, since they could still work as superheroes, just with government oversight, but Billy, Tommy, Teddy and Eli join the faction led by Captain America, which deems it unconstitutional and just plain wrong. They have a run-in with the Runaways, where they are captured by a mad scientist using Noh-Varr (Marvel Boy) as a mind-controlled soldier. Wiccan’s ears are covered with sound-dampening devices to prevent him using his powers, and he is forced to watch as the scientist attempts to study Teddy via surgical means. (it’s a little gruesome, fair warning) Later, during a night patrol these four are caught, and though they are quickly rescued, after Wiccan and Cloak transport them to another location, it turns out to be a trap, and Billy is captured and imprisoned in an extra-dimensional prison called 42.

It is speculated that he was imprisoned for anywhere from one to six months. It is also speculated that during this time, due to the verbal component of his powers (he must speak his will into being, at this point) that he was either comatose or muzzled during this time.

After being freed, Billy spends several months in shock, sitting at a window in a near-catatonic state, unable to react as his friends and family try to bring him out of it. Eventually, Teddy approaches him, and lays down an ultimatum. He proposes marriage, on the condition that Billy gets out of that window. In the issue’s last panel, they share their first on-panel kiss.

Tiny queers all over the world rejoiced.

The Children’s Crusade, 2010: The Young Avengers work on the sidelines for a while, until Wiccan accidentally overloads his powers during a fight with the terrorist group Sons of the Serpent. The Avengers want to put him on lockdown until he can control his powers, but he knows that if he can find Wanda, she can teach him all he needs to know. After busting him out of his ‘suite’ at the Tower, the rest of the Young Avengers accompany him to Wanda’s last known location -- Latveria, specifically its capital Doomstadt, ruled by Dr. Doom. There, they meet Magneto, and learn that Wanda has no memory of her past, and is a guest of Dr. Doom in his palace -- in fact, she is his fiance, and they are due to be married! Billy can’t let this rest -- he knows there’s more to it, and sneaks out of the inn they are staying at, leaving an apology note for Teddy and striking out on his own to break her free. It is revealed that Doom was taking advantage of Wanda’s amnesia in order to get access to the Cthonic power she still possessed, but after taking it for himself, Wanda’s memories return, and with the help of Billy, the rest of the Young Avengers (and absolutely no help from the Avengers or X-Men, who both show up to try and fight it out). In the end, Wanda embraces her two sons, promising to be a greater presence in their lives.

Sometime during this time, both Tommy and Teddy have begun permanently residing with the Kaplan household in Chelsea, NY.

Young Avengers, vol2, 2013: In an attempt to bring Teddy some happiness, Billy browses all possible realities to find a version of his mother who had not been murdered by the Super-Skrull. He appears to find one, but she turns out to be an extradimensional parasite called Mother, who can influence adults (here meaning anyone over the age of 21). Loki (still in his 10-year-old form due to having died and been reborn it’s a long story) appears, claiming he can help them vanquish Mother if they trust him, but America Chavez also arrives to try to discourage them. Kate and Noh-Varr have some sort of friends-with-benefits thing going and arrive with a spaceship. Tommy works at a tech-assembly company as a temp, where David Alleyne (formerly Prodigy, who lost his powers on M-day) also works. I admit my memory of this series is spotty since I wasn’t a huge fan, but it establishes that Billy is an entity known as the Demiurge, who created the reality America Chavez was born from and may, possibly, be the most powerful entity in the Marvel universe.

New Avengers vol4, 2016: Post-Secret Wars, in which a Cosmic Cube broke the Marvel multiverse and Dr. Doom attempted to put it back together again, with varying degrees of success. Bobby Da Costa (Sunspot, formerly of the New Mutants) has inherited the vast wealth and criminal empire of the organization formerly called Advanced Idea Mechanics -- A.I.M. Now calling it Avengers Idea Mechanics, he gathers a team to protect the Earth from extradimensional foes who are, apparently, spawned from a hyperfuturistic alternate version of Reed Richards. Chimeras with floating crystals for heads are nullifying magic all over the globe, but Wiccan and Songbird figure out how to use her scream to shatter them. Then, a Cthulhu-like entity called Moridun infects Billy, and a future version of the Avengers arrive in the past to kill him, including a beardly, barbarian-looking version of Hulkling. Eventually, Billy figures out that Moridun feeds on negative emotions -- and well, I’ll let Billy’s words speak for him:

“”I know what poisoned thoughts are like, Moridun. I always have. I get anxiety. I don’t think I’m good enough. I don’t like myself, even though I know -- rationally -- I know -- doesn’t matter. I have bad days, bad thoughts. And sometimes... sometimes, yeah, they’re hard to fight. But I don’t let them win every day. And I’m damn sure not going to let you win today. You’re just a cheap little bully who likes breaking toys, Moridun --

and you shouldn’t have let me see you! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!”

I freaking love this comic okay you get to see future Teddy go back home to his husband who’s standing at the sink washing dishes and talking about their daughter Katie and I cried when I first read it.

Bobby also gifts the boys a SUPER SWANKY PENTHOUSE RIGHT OFF CENTRAL PARK.

At this point, there is also a Scarlet Witch solo series, which I highly recommend reading. She is shown owning her mental illness, cutting Pietro out of her life in order to maintain it, and coming to grips with the loss of Vision and reconnecting with her sons.

There is also the Death of Magic run, which establishes a lot of lore about Billy as the Demiurge. Unfortunately, during a lot of this era Tommy is nowhere to be seen.

However, at the start of the latest event, Empyre, we find out why: He’s moved out of the Kaplans’ and in with David, who he has been dating since the events of YAv2. He seems genuinely happy, which makes me happy.

Now: Billy and Teddy have finally gotten married. Billy is still working toward becoming the best damn sorcerer and potential pseudodeity he can be, Teddy has put down his destiny as the Great Unifier, and everybody’s just happy.

I don’t care what Marvel does in the comics anymore my sons are happy.

I’m sure I missed some details but this got WAY LONGER THAN I INTENDED IT TO.

OH YEAH THERE’S A WHOLE COMIC WHERE VISION TRIES TO ‘RECREATE’ THE FEELING OF BEING PART OF A FAMILY AND INSTEAD OF CONSULTING WITH HIS ACTUAL LIVING SONS HE BORROWS WANDA’S MENTAL ENGRAMS AND MAKES HIMSELF A CUTE LITTLE WIFE AND TWO CUTE LITTLE KIDS AND IT ALL GOES TITS-UP IN A HURRY GDI VISION

I don’t like 616 Vision he’s kind of a selfish prick

Viv Vision is a Gift though she doesn’t deserve half of what’s happened to her

#nonsims #uhhhhhh so yeah can y'all tell i'm adhd #all this was FROM MEMORY

16 notes · View notes

sachigram · 4 years

Text

Telescope Now Chapter 4

((click here to read on ao3!!))

When Izaya wakes again, it's dark outside. He jumps, thinking he slept all day, but then he realizes it's just raining again. He feels a bout of nausea from his sudden movement, and he quickly sinks back into the couch with a loud groan.

“You sick?” Shizuo's voice asks. Izaya squints up at him. Shizuo is still here? He's on the other side of the sectional, as if determined to be as far away from Izaya as possible.

“Why're you here?” Izaya asks, letting his head fall. He doesn't remember much of the night before after deciding to go to Sunshine 60. He definitely doesn't remember how he got home.

“Wow. Did you just entirely forget about last night, or are you still waking up?” Shizuo says, and Izaya rolls so he can look at Shizuo without lifting his head.

“We didn't fuck, did we?” Izaya asks, and Shizuo chokes on his own saliva, his face going bright red as he coughs.

“What?! No! What the fuck?!”

“Ah. Then I guess it doesn't matter what happened,” Izaya says. He pulls his coat a little tighter around himself. He wants a blanket, but he doesn't want to move, and he's damn sure not going to ask Shizuo to get him one.

“It matters,” Shizuo says. He's got his feet propped on the coffee table, and Izaya considers berating him for it, but he lets it go. Shizuo must have helped him home.

“How pathetic am I?” Izaya asks, chuckling at his own misfortune. “Reduced to being helped by someone who wants me dead. Is this what rock bottom is like?”

“Stop being dramatic,” Shizuo huffs. “You got drunk. It happens. I'd be wasted all the time if I were you.”

“Ah.”

“I mean— fuck, that came out wrong. It's just that you're, you know, going through stuff, and I'm just saying if it were me, I wouldn't be able to handle it,” Shizuo babbles. Izaya smirks.

“What about any of this makes you think I'm handling it?”

“It just seems like you're the type that can handle anything,” Shizuo says.

“Shizu-chan, you don't know a thing about me. I guess that's commonplace for you, isn't it? Not knowing things.” Izaya tries to glare at Shizuo, but it's more effort than it's worth, being an asshole when he feels this bad. “Why did you stay the night here?”

“It was raining,” Shizuo says. “Also you were...upset. I don't know, I guess I thought it'd make me look even worse to leave before you woke up. I should have, though, since you don't even remember half of what you said.”

Izaya frowns, hating this. What the hell did he say? Surely, even drunk, he wouldn't go professing all his secrets to Shizuo, right? He really doesn't need another reason for anyone to pity him right now, and it's not like he's ever held on to the hope that Shizuo returns his desires. He decided a long time ago that if he couldn't have Shizuo's affesctions, he'd accept all of Shizuo's hatred. This is old news, nothing worth fretting over.

Right?

“What did I say?” Izaya asks.

“Uh.” Shizuo rubs the back of his neck, and Izaya is mortified, on pins and needles as he waits for Shizuo to keep talking. “You cried. Like, a lot. It was kind of concerning. You were even crying while you were asleep.”

“Oh. That's all?”

“That's all?”

“I can live with crying while drunk. Maybe I'm a sad drunk. I don't get drunk often enough to know.” Izaya tilts his head toward the TV and snorts. Shizuo is watching a home renovation show.

“You also passed out in the middle of the sidewalk. I guess you blacked out from the alcohol. I didn't know how drunk you were until we were moving. I should've stopped you from drinking so much,” Shizuo says.

“Stop acting like you're responsible for me. It's annoying.”

“You're annoying,” Shizuo counters maturely.

Izaya is going to tell Shizuo to leave, but it sticks in his mouth, refuses to come out. Shizuo looks nice like this, in the dim light from Izaya's living room, his white sleeves rolled up and his hair tousled from crashing on the couch. Izaya just wishes he could watch Shizuo stuffing his face with food to complete the image. It's like observing a wild animal in its natural habitat after getting used to only seeing images of it hunting. Maybe Shizuo feels the same way about Izaya, because despite his casual demeanor, he doesn't seem very at ease. Maybe he thinks Izaya is about to attack when in actuality, Izaya can barely lift his own head.

“Do you need something?” Shizuo asks suddenly. Izaya realizes he was staring.

“No.” Izaya watches a woman on the TV have a breakdown about her counters being too dark. Everything about this situation is so bizarre that Izaya can't grasp it's actually happening. “Am I still asleep?” he asks, expecting his sisters to emerge from somewhere.

“Stop being weird,” Shizuo says with a grimace, and Izaya laughs.

“I think maybe I've finally gone insane. I don't recognize dreams from reality anymore. They all just blend together.”

“You mentioned that before.”

Izaya grumbles, tries again to remember the night before. He recalls bits and pieces, knows he was an emotional wreck. It's possible he spilled his guts to Shizuo and Shizuo is just being nice about it. Then again, Shizuo has never been nice about anything before, so Izaya doubts it.

“Can you do me a favor?” Izaya asks suddenly, and Shizuo blinks at him. “Well. Multiple favors, actually.”

“What?”

“Can you go to the medicine cabinet and get me some ibuprofen? It's in my bathroom upstairs. Also a glass of water— and a blanket. It's freezing in here.” Izaya shivers in emphasis.

Shizuo narrows his gaze at Izaya before standing and shuffling away. Izaya hugs his coat tighter around himself. It's really too cold, and he wants to adjust the heat, but he doesn't want to move. Asking Shizuo to adjust the thermostat would be like challenging the gods. Izaya has no doubts Shizuo would break the thermostat into something completely unrecognizable, an avant-garde masterpiece.

Shizuo returns with a grunt. He tosses a heavy blanket over Izaya's head, and sets the pills and water on the table. Izaya adjusts, recognizing the fabric of the blanket.

“You brought the duvet from my bed,” he says, amused.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know where you keep extra blankets?” Shizuo asks, defensive.

Izaya hums and lifts up to grab the pills. He pauses, groaning as the room spins around him. Carefully, he sets the pills back down and stands, hurrying to the bathroom where he collapses in front of the toilet and vomits until his stomach is even emptier than it was before.

“Now this is rock bottom,” he murmurs, leaning back and flushing the toilet with his foot. He stays on the floor for a few moments, trying to decide whether he should throw up more, or risk taking the pills now. He stands and leans against the counter, looking at himself in the mirror. His reflection seems to blur around the edges, almost as if he's just an illusion. He sneers at himself. “I don't have time for this today. Not while he's here. Torture me later.”

“Are you talking to yourself?” Shizuo's voice asks, muffled from the wood of the door.

“Does that make you feel left out?” Izaya asks.

“Nah, knock yourself out. I'm gonna order food. You don't have anything here. What do you want?”

Izaya pauses, looking at the door in disbelief. He opens it, and Shizuo stands there, scowling at him.

“Well?” Shizuo barks.

“You're having food delivered here?” Izaya asks, giddy in spite of himself that Shizuo isn't leaving any time soon. “Get whatever you want. I don't think I'll be eating for a while unless I want to keep barfing.”

“Eh, soon enough you'll be craving something greasy. Tom-san always eats a lot after a binger.” Shizuo reaches in his pocket, pulling his phone out. He looks at Izaya closely. “Will you turn your nose up at a burger?”

Izaya grimaces, feeling nauseated at the thought of something so unhealthy. “If I do, you can just eat it yourself.”

“Fair point,” Shizuo says, and then he walks back towards the living room.

“What the fuck is going on?” Izaya asks his reflection. “Shizu-chan is hanging out with me.” He starts brushing his teeth. “Am I still dreaming?”

“Nope!” Mairu hops up on the bathroom counter, kicking her feet out as she watches him. “You've been asleep so long. I'm bored, you know?” She reaches out and pokes him. “I think Shizuo likes you.”

Izaya cuts his eyes at her. This is the first time he's actually seen either of the twins outside of his dreams. He looks around for Kururi, finally sees her hiding slightly behind Mairu.

“He seems worried about you,” Mairu continues. “You're way more popular than we thought.”

“You should've seen how many people came to your funeral,” Izaya says after he spits into the sink. “No one came to support me, aside from maybe Shiki-san. Kine wasn't even there.”

“Shiki-san likes you, too,” Mairu says.

“Different from Shizuo,” Kururi adds, her voice small. She sounds upset, and in contrast Mairu sounds too cheerful, like she's trying to make up for Kururi.

“Yeah, I don't think Shiki-san wants to jump your bones. But he might! Oh wow, that'd be something. We'd be loaded for real!” Mairu giggles and waves her arms around. “Hey, get over Shizuo and try to get with Shiki-san instead. Or Akabayashi-san! They're both executives, right?”

“I regret ever raising you,” Izaya tells them. He grabs his headband and pulls his bangs off his forehead so he can wash his face.

“Maybe this is what it will take to make you and Shizuo stop fighting,” Mairu says. “One big tragedy to bring people closer together! It's like a messed up love story.”

“Shizu-chan hates me,” Izaya says.

“Then why is he visiting you?” Kururi asks.

“I don't know. Why are you visiting me?” Izaya counters.

“We're here every day. You need other people, you know, aside from us.” She bites her lip, a nervous habit of hers, and she adds, quietly, “we miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Izaya says. He looks over at their faces, and his eyes burn. “I don't know how I'm supposed to move on.”

“We aren't going to let you move on,” Mairu says, and she reaches out to take Izaya's hand. He lets go of his facial products in favor of giving them his full attention.

“Is it really you in my dreams?” Izaya asks them. “Sometimes I see memories, but then other times it's like you're both trying to scare me to death.”

“Oh, who knows?” Mairu asks. She grins at him. “Maybe it's your own guilty conscience, or maybe we're just trying to wake you up.”

“You're both rotten. I don't know why I miss you.”

“I wanna talk more about Shizuo!” Mairu says.

“He asks us about you,” Kururi says.

“He does?” Izaya asks.

“Whenever he sees us, he'll mention you. He's kind of obsessed with you, but I guess you know that already,” Mairu says.

“Obsessed,” Izaya repeats, looking at himself in the mirror again. “He probably just feels sorry for me.”

“Would you feel sorry if it was him?” Kururi asks.

“You mean if Kasuka died?” Izaya puts a dollop of soap in his palm and starts his tedious skincare routine. “I don't know. I think I'd be happy if he was in pain. If he was miserable, I'd know he wasn't out forgetting about me.” He rinses his face and looks up to find his sisters aren't there anymore. Izaya takes a deep breath and towels his face dry before applying a moisturizer. Shizuo appears then, his eyebrows rising as he looks at Izaya.

“Wow. Are those cat ears?” Shizuo asks, grinning. He points to the headband.

“My sisters have matching ones,” Izaya says. “Or had, I guess.”

“Food's on the way. Sorry it's more junk, but I can't really cook.”

Izaya pauses and glances over at him. “Shinra told you to babysit me, didn't he?”

“'Babysit' wasn't really what he said,” Shizuo says, and he leans against the door frame. “Look, I liked your sisters. I really think they would've liked for me to...”

“Stop.” Izaya doesn't look at him, doesn't dare. He applies another product to his face and forces his voice into indifference. “Nothing has changed about me, Shizu-chan. So you've seen a glimpse of my personality you don't hate yet, so what? It doesn't mean you and I are going to be chummy.”

“No shit,” Shizuo snaps.

“What exactly do you think you're going to get out of this? My gratitude? Do you think I'm going to stop tormenting you? Allow me to ease your caveman thoughts before you have a meltdown— I'm the same person I always was, and I'm incapable of leaving you in peace.”

“I-za-ya.” When Shizuo says it like that, it's almost like a song, like a prelude to an incoming battle cry. Izaya tenses, can't help it, but at the same time, he's craving for Shizuo to throw a punch. Izaya needs some normalcy, and even if he's enjoying Shizuo's company for some incredibly bizarre reason, a fight would make them both feel so much better. Izaya has a lot of pent up tension, is practically vibrating with it, and Shizuo must be able to tell, because the fury in his eyes evaporates and is replaced with something else, something terrible.

“I don't want your pity, and I don't want your help,” Izaya hisses, glaring at him. He feels such hatred in his body that he thinks he might sink into the ground from the weight of it.

“I don't pity you,” Shizuo says.

“Right. I'm sure some part of you enjoys this. I'm actually proud, Shizu-chan, that's very cruel of you. I didn't think you had the brain power to be so vindictive.”

“I'm tired of hating you, Izaya,” Shizuo says suddenly, his voice rising. He grips the top of the door frame and cracks it. “It's exhausting, and it's stupid. We're too old for this shit.”

“So saving me from myself is going to make me hate you less?” Izaya spits, and Shizuo growls before taking a step forward.

“Where does this end? Tell me that. When you envision your life without me, is it because you've killed me? What do I have to do to get you to leave me the fuck alone?!” Shizuo shouts, and Izaya takes a step back, can't help it. He's cornered, and they both know it. Still, Izaya isn't capable of yielding, and he's even less capable of shutting up, even when it's good for him.

“I don't envision you at all unless it's the idea of you dying in front of me.”

“Bullshit. You're obsessed with me, you won't even let me walk down the street without trying to pick a fight with me. Why the fuck do you hate me so much?” Shizuo asks, and Izaya leers up at him.

“Because you're an idiot, an overgrown toddler who destroys everything in his path the second he doesn't get his way. You spout your incessant drivel about hating violence, but violence is all you are, all you're capable of. You're a hypocrite, Shizu-chan, and I could forgive so many things, but I truly hate hypocrisy.” Izaya slaps another serum on his face and turns back to the mirror. He's well-aware of how strange this scenario is, Shizuo arguing with Izaya while he's grooming and hungover. This is a new one, strange even for them.

“God, just shut up, I'm so tired of arguing with you,” Shizuo says, shoving Izaya a bit. Izaya caches himself on the counter and turns, a knife in his hand.

“Get out,” Izaya says, and Shizuo looks from the knife to Izaya's face.

“No.”

“I mean it, get out. I feel like shit and your questions are idiotic. You're really going to ask me why I hate you? Are you really that stupid?” Izaya lifts the knife to Shizuo's neck, but Shizuo still doesn't back down. Of course he doesn't. “Last time I checked, you hated me just as much as I hate you. Can you tell me why?”

“Because you're a shitty parasite who ruins everyone's lives. You know all the shit you've done to me! You're obsessed, like I said—“

“Stop saying I'm obsessed with you like you aren't equally as hyper-focused on me. Sometimes I don't even do anything! You'd rather blame every problem you have on me than take responsibility for yourself.”

“That's because it is always to do with you, and you fucking know it!” Shizuo shouts, tilting forward. The knife slides a bit, and a trickle of blood flows from Shizuo's neck. Izaya watches it drip down, his lips curling in a snarl.

“If you hate me so much then just leave! I didn't ask for you to help me, I didn't ask for you to save my life, and I'm not asking you to stay now, you fucking monster!”

Shizuo throws a punch, and Izaya moves out of the way before slashing wildly at Shizuo's chest. Shizuo curses and jumps back, and the wall cracks where Shizuo hits it. They glare at each other, hatred clear in their faces, and Izaya can't help but grin wickedly. This is more like it. This is the monster he knows so well.

“God, Iza-nii, do you just have to ruin everything?” Mairu's voice asks from behind him. He whirls to face the mirror, and it's her face he sees instead of his own. She sounds hollow, echoing. Sometimes the twins sound like this, and sometimes they sound clear as day, as if they're really next to him.

“You aren't real,” he tells the mirror. His hand loosens around the knife, and it hits the floor, clattering on the tile. Shizuo looks at it, and then back at Izaya.

“You're really fucked up, aren't you?” Shizuo asks, but Izaya is still looking at Mairu's face. It's so easy to tell she isn't really alive anymore when she looks like this, twisted and contorted. She vanishes, and Izaya sees his own face, hisses and yanks the headband off before he steps past Shizuo and leaves the bathroom.

“Just get away from me, Shizu-chan,” Izaya says, but of course Shizuo follows. He watches with a frown as Izaya marches into the kitchen and fishes a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet.

“Is that really a good idea?” Shizuo asks. “You're already sick.”

“Hair of the dog,” Izaya says, pouring himself a serving. He glances at Shizuo, sighs, and then gets out a glass for him, too.

“You wanna share your fancy shit with me?” Shizuo asks. Izaya shrugs.

“Sure, why not? Give you a taste of things you can't afford on your own. It'll hurt that much more next time you're forced to buy cheap.” Izaya pours it and slides it towards Shizuo, and then he raises his own glass. “To you, monster. May you live a long life full of destruction and torment.”

“Yeah, fuck you, too,” Shizuo growls. He takes a sip, and his eyes widen a bit.

“Smooth, right? This is Shiki-san's brand. I don't break it out very often.” Izaya throws his drink back and shudders. His stomach lurches in protest, and he worries the drink might surge back up, but it doesn't. “This is the weirdest day of my life.”

“I've had weirder,” Shizuo says. He leans on the counter and watches Izaya closely. “You never answered my question.”

“I'm sure I'll die of old age before I answer everything you don't understand,” Izaya says.

“Where do you see this going? I mean it, do you really think we can fight forever?” Shizuo asks, and Izaya gazes down into his empty glass thoughtfully.

“I try not to think about you, Shizu-chan,” Izaya says, and there is truth in that. He tries very hard to think about anything else.

“If you don't think of me, then how the hell do you come up with your batshit crazy schemes to piss me off? Why can't you leave me alone?”

“I don't envision my life without you, either,” Izaya says simply, and he looks up at Shizuo's confused expression.

“We can't keep this up forever.” Shizuo takes another sip of his drink. “One of us is going to die if we keep fighting.”

“A hatred like ours won't just go away. Hate is a strong emotion, one of the strongest we're capable of. If you truly hate someone, you hate them forever.”

“I don't buy that. You can stop being an asshole, and I'll stop chasing you down. It's as easy as that.”

“Is it?” Izaya asks. He pours himself another glass before he tops Shizuo off as well.

“You're the one who won't let this go,” Shizuo says gruffly.

“You're right,” Izaya replies, swirling the whiskey around in his glass. “It's not possible for me to stop hating you.”

“What if I just stop giving you the time of day? Stop rising to it, like everyone's always told me I should?” Shizuo asks, his eyes darkening as he leans closer to Izaya.

“Do you really think you can ignore me?” Izaya asks, and Shizuo throws the rest of his drink back before baring his teeth.

“I think I'll kill you if you don't back the fuck off.”

“So then kill me,” Izaya says. “I always imagined you would.”

“You want me to kill you?” Shizuo asks in disbelief, and Izaya pouts as the familiar ferocity leaves Shizuo's features.

“I'd love it if I could kill you, but I don't think you're human enough to die. I'm sure one day you'll go too far, or I will, and then you won't stop. You'll kill me, and everyone will know what you're capable of.” Izaya smiles, but it's not kind, and it's not happy. “I win either way.”

“You're crazy,” Shizuo snaps. He slams his empty glass on the counter, and it shatters. Neither of them look away from each other. “Something's wrong with you, something with your brain.”

“Pot, kettle,” Izaya says, and he gets out another glass for Shizuo. “You asked me if I'd leave you alone, and now you have your answer.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess I fucking do. You're never gonna stop bothering me.”

“And you'll never stop chasing me. Isn't there a comfort in that?” Izaya asks as he pours Shizuo's glass. Shizuo barks a laugh, and Izaya looks up at him, dazed, taken aback that Shizuo could ever seem so relaxed in his presence.

“God. God. Yeah, there is.” Shizuo lifts his new glass of whiskey to Izaya. “Somehow, you're the most stable thing in my life.”

“I do aim to please you, Shizu-chan.” Izaya smirks before he sips his drink. “I bet you're wishing you let me get hit by that truck now, huh?”

Shizuo grimaces as he tosses the entirety of his drink back. “No.”

“Liar. It would've solved all your problems, and it would've been hands-off for you. Hell, you would've had a front-row seat to it! Do you think you would've been in the splash zone?”

“Izaya, fuck, stop. I don't want to think about it, okay? You—“ Shizuo shakes his head, tops off his own glass this time. “Do you really not give a fuck about yourself at all?”

Izaya scoffs, not liking the direction this conversation is going. Shizuo was supposed to like the idea, was supposed to lament saving someone who would never change. He isn't supposed to be looking at Izaya like this, like he actually gives a damn.

“Is that why you were on Sunshine last night?” Shizuo continues, and the implications hang. Izaya snorts.

“You think I was going to jump?”

“Were you?”

“Is that why you're here, Shizu-chan?”

“Answer my question, flea.”

“Answer mine!”

They glower at each other, Shizuo leaning over the shattered glass on the counter, and they both startle when there's a knock at the door. Shizuo grumbles and moves towards it, and Izaya watches him go, considers putting a cleaning product in Shizuo's drink, but thinks better of it.

“How domestic of you to answer my door, Shizu-chan,” Izaya lilts. “Rumors will spread, you know? You can't even blame me for it.”

“Fuck you, it's the—“ Shizuo starts, and then he growls. “Dammit, Shinra, what are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here? What are you doing here?!” Shinra shuffles inside, Celty in tow, and they both look from Shizuo to Izaya. Izaya's head throbs.

“Great, now there are two monsters in my home,” he mutters, sipping more whiskey. He feels like he'd rather be alone with the ghosts and his looming insanity than deal with all this at once.

“Did you stay the night?” Shinra asks Shizuo, ignoring Izaya and his dramatics.

“Well, yeah, I mean... It's storming and he's...” Shizuo jerks his thumb towards Izaya. “He's losing it.”

“That implies there was something left to lose!” Shinra says, laughing, and Izaya sees red. He throws his glass at Shinra, but Celty's shadows catch it before it makes impact. “Izaya-kun! What was that for?!”

Rather than answer, Izaya picks up the entire bottle of whiskey and pads towards his couch. He feels them all looking at him, but he's too tipsy to care. They're murmuring amongst themselves, and Izaya is busy tuning them out when someone jumps onto the couch next to him, startling him.

“Mairu,” he hisses lowly as she shakes his arm. She feels so real, so heavy next to him.

“Iza-nii! I'm bored!” Mairu exclaims, and the entire couch seems to move with the way she's bouncing.

“You're going to hurt him,” Kururi says, appearing at Izaya's other side.

“Look at him, he's already hurt!” Mairu keeps shaking Izaya, who has to fight to put the bottle on the coffee table before she can make him spill it. “IZA-NII!”

“Get off me!” Izaya snaps, shoving at her. It does nothing, as he just seems to phase through her. He looks at his hands, wondering how she can touch him, but he can't touch her. “You can't be here now, I'm not alone,” he whispers vehemently.

Neither of the twins seem to hear him, or more likely, they're ignoring him. They barely listened when they were alive, so Izaya isn't surprised. He feels himself being tugged by them, by something else, and he closes his eyes as a light blinds him and makes his terrible headache even worse.

When he opens his eyes, he's on the roof at Raijin. Izaya would recognize it anywhere. He used to come up here for lunch and for quiet, though Shinra would often find him anyway. He looks down at himself and is surprised to find he's transparent. He can see the tiles below as if he's not really here at all.

Off to the side, he sees a younger version of himself absorbed in a book. Izaya recognizes the title, The Picture of Dorian Gray. He still has the book at home, and he rereads it pretty often. He watches himself for a few moments, and then he hears movement on the stairs, voices carrying. The younger version of himself scoffs before ducking behind the wall, out of sight. The door opens to reveal Shizuo storming out onto the roof, Shinra chasing after him.

“Fucking drop it, Shinra!” Shizuo yells, his hands in fists. He whirls on the younger Shinra, who throws his hands up in surrender. “I'm not being nice to that goddamn bloodsucker! I'm tired of you talking to me about him; it just pisses me off!”

“I'm sorry! It's just that you're both my friends, and...” Shinra rubs at the back of his neck. “It'd be so much easier if we could all hang out together. I really think you two could be great friends.”

“What did I just say?!” Shizuo takes a threatening step forward, and Shinra howls before jumping back. “He's been sending thugs after me! I know it's him, and I'm gonna wring his scrawny neck until his head pops off!”

“Shizuo-kun, please, he's just trying to get a rise out of you! He's still really mad about you hating him on first sight, and—“

“If you say another word, one more word to me about making nice with that bastard, I'm gonna seriously hurt you. I hate him, and I want him dead. If I never saw him again, it'd be too fucking soon.”

Izaya watches them, and then he turns to his younger self, winces at the expression he sees. He remembers this day, remembers overhearing this conversation.

“I just wish you didn't feel that way,” Shinra says, and then he sighs. “C'mon, don't threaten me! I'm your friend, you know?”

“You're his friend, too,” Shizuo spits, and he crosses his arms. “I mean it, Shinra, I'm gonna kill him one day. You might as well get it through your head. I can't be chummy with a guy like that.”

“It boggles the mind that you're even chummy with me,” Shinra says, grinning wryly, and Shizuo shrugs.

“Yeah, don't remind me. You're just one of the only people who isn't scared of me, that's all it is.”

“Liar,” Izaya says, knowing full well no one can hear him. “I wasn't scared of you either, and you hated me for it.”

Shinra and Shizuo leave soon after, and Izaya is left alone with the younger version of himself, who is fingering the corners of his book forlornly. Izaya wishes he could say something to himself, but at the same time, he has no idea what he'd even say. He doesn't have any wisdom to offer, and as for comfort, every version of himself would reject it.

“This is when I decided I'd make him hate me more than anyone else,” he says aloud, watching as the young Izaya goes back to reading, huddled in a corner, tucked into himself. “I thought if it was the only way to get him to look at me, I'd be okay with it.”

“Does it work out?” the younger Izaya asks, suddenly looking right at him, maybe even through him. “Are you happy?”

“Does it matter? He's looking.”

There's a tug on his arm, and Izaya jerks awake, finds he's flat on the floor beside his coffee table. Shinra is hovering over him.

“Izaya-kun? Hey, it's okay.” Shinra puts a calming hand on Izaya's cheek, and Izaya leans into it, needs to know Shinra is really here. “Do you know where you are?”

“I'm home. Shizu-chan was here...” Izaya looks around wildly until his eyes settle on Shizuo, who is standing beside Celty, a worried look on his face. “Weren't we just at school?”

“School?” Shinra asks. “What did you see?”

“My sisters were here...” Izaya groans and tries to sit up. A fresh wave of nausea hits him, and he curls into himself instead. “You think I'm crazy.”

“I don't. I think you're going through too much for anyone to go through alone.” Shinra leans down, closer to Izaya's ear. “I'm here,” Shinra says softly, and Izaya withholds a laugh. If this isn't real, this is the cruelest trick his mind has played on him so far.

“You're heavy,” Izaya mumbles, and Shinra pulls back, offers a hand to help Izaya up.

“What the hell is this? He's seeing ghosts and passing out? And we're gonna act like it's okay?” Shizuo asks, and Shinra sighs as he supports Izaya onto the couch.

“It could be a lot of things. All of this could still be the mind processing grief, it could be sleep-deprivation—“

“I slept fine last night,” Izaya interjects, and Shinra looks between him and Shizuo, his eyebrows raised.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Shizuo says, narrowing his eyes at Shinra. “You asked me to look after him, and he was freaking out. What was I supposed to do, leave him here alone?”

“It's just above and beyond what I asked you to do, that's all,” Shinra says, and then he turns to Izaya. “How are you feeling right now?”

“Hungry,” Izaya says earnestly. “Aren't we having food delivered soon, Shizu-chan?”

“It's here already. You just had to go and pass out.” Shizuo walks towards the couch, a paper bag in his hand, and he sets it on the coffee table in front of Izaya.

“I'm so happy the two of you are finally getting along,” Shinra says happily. He wilts when Shizuo and Izaya both give him a look.

“Can you leave? I was fine till you showed up,” Izaya says.

“So you were fine alone with Shizuo-kun?” Shinra asks.

“Yes,” Izaya snaps as he unwraps his hamburger, which is ridiculously big. “Look at this thing. How the hell do I eat this, Shizu-chan?”

“You eat it, dumbass. Can you even eat real food, or do you exclusively live off the blood of others?” Shizuo asks as he flops onto the couch beside Izaya. He reaches for the bag, and he hums in thanks when Izaya passes it to him.

“Well, Celty, I think we can go! They seem fine!” Shinra says, and he balks when Celty's PDA shoves into his face. “Really, they're doing great! You heard Izaya-kun, he wants us to go!”

“Celty can stay. You're the one on my nerves,” Izaya mumbles through a mouthful of food. Shizuo's lips twitch upwards.

“Celty and I are a package deal!” Shinra wails, and he looks closely at Shizuo. “Call if anything happens, okay?”

“Shinra really should monitor you. You passed out so suddenly.” Celty's PDA floods Izaya's vision, and he squints at the bright screen, his eyes struggling to adjust.

“I'm fine. You can all go,” Izaya says.

“No. You can relent to letting Shizuo-kun stay, or you can come stay with me. You can't be alone, I'm sorry.” Shinra steps forward and puts a hand on Izaya's shoulder, his fingers squeezing.

“As if any of you care what happens to me.” Izaya tries to shrug Shinra's hand off him, but Shinra holds on tight.

“I do care, and so does Celty.” Shinra frowns and shakes Izaya a bit. “I really think you should come stay with us for a while.”

“He's fine, I'm watching him,” Shizuo says. Izaya grimaces at him when he sees Shizuo is already almost done with his own burger, his cheeks full of food like some sort of monstrous rodent. He glares over at Izaya. “What?”

“Watching you disgusts me,” Izaya says, leaning forward to put his burger on the coffee table.

“You watching me disgusts me!” Shizuo shoots back.

“How am I supposed to look at anything else when you're smacking and—“

“Okay!” Shinra says, his hands going up. “Don't kill each other. I don't have other friends to replace you.” He nods at Shizuo, wordlessly conveying his thanks, and then he's tugging Celty towards the door. Izaya tongues at his cheek, and when he hears the door closed, he turns to Shizuo.

“You can leave now, monster. I don't want you here.”

“Tough shit,” Shizuo replies, wadding up the paper his burger was wrapped in. “Shinra's right, you shouldn't be alone.”

“I don't want you here!” Izaya shouts, and Shizuo stiffens. Izaya rarely raises his voice, hates to lose his cool, but the longer Shizuo stays and acts like Izaya is anything other than an enemy, the more Izaya feels himself slipping. “Get out.”

“So you're just gonna sit here feeling sorry for yourself?” Shizuo asks gruffly, his eyes looking from Izaya to the bottle of whiskey still on the table. “Flea—“

“Out, I said! Out, get the fuck out of my apartment!” Izaya stands, wobbles on his feet, and reaches into his pocket, withdrawing his wallet and a few bills. He throws them at Shizuo. “For your junkfood. Leave before I call security.” He makes his way back upstairs and flops into his bed, too hot with anger to even care his duvet is still on the couch. He doesn't relax until he hears the door close below him, and he's honestly surprised when Shizuo doesn't slam it.

***

It only takes a day for Shizuo to come back.

Izaya is curled on the couch, his eyes on the TV, though he doesn't know what he's watching. He barely flinches when his door bursts open, and when Shizuo comes to the couch to hover over him, he keeps his eyes trained on the TV screen.

“Simon said to give this to you,” Shizuo says, putting a bag next to Izaya. “He said it's your favorite.”

Izaya doesn't look at him. Shizuo growls and kicks at the couch.

“Oi, did you hear me? Are you deaf now, flea?”

“I don't want you here,” Izaya says irritably. He sniffs and pulls his blanket up higher, hiding more of his face.

“Tough shit, I don't care what you want.” Shizuo crosses his arms and stands there. “You think you deserve peace and quiet when you never give me the same courtesy? Fuck you.”

“Then do what you want, just shut up.”

Shizuo scrutinzies him, taps his foot on the floor. “What's wrong with you? You look worse than usual.”

“The urns are here,” Izaya says, motioning to the counter. He put them right next to the broken glass he's yet to clean. “Told you they'd liven things up.”

Shizuo hesitates a moment before he sits next to Izaya, closer than he did the day before. Izaya tosses the remote at Shizuo, who catches it and flips through the channels before settling on some cheesy movie. Neither of them speaks for a long time, and it's Izaya who eventually breaks the silence.

“I didn't look in their coffins.”

“Huh?” Shizuo glances at him.

“I didn't want to see their bodies. I didn't want to remember them that way.” Izaya rolls to his back, and he watches Shizuo's face. “I'm actually a coward, you know?”

“I wouldn't have wanted to look either,” Shizuo says.

“Mm. I wish I had've.”

Shizuo keeps staring at him, a frown on his face, and Izaya laughs softly, shaking his head.

“I'm just not really convinced they're actually dead.”

“Flea.” Shizuo sighs and runs a hand through his messy hair. “They are. They're...gone. Don't do this to yourself.”

“Then tell me why those urns are empty.”

#telescope now #Shizaya #halloween fic #drinking #ghosts #head injury #trippy #2 chapters left! :)#>>>>>:)

26 notes · View notes

miguel-manbemel · 3 years

Text

Roman’s True Form

This story is out of the main narrative. It was inspired by an idea by @/ErinTeaNTravel on Twitter. Hope you enjoy it.

Patton rose up in Virgil’s room, he was really worried.

“Virgil, can I speak to you?” “What is it, Patton? You look really worried. What’s the matter?” “You see, I’m worried about Roman.” “About Roman? What has that prince done this time?” “Oh, no, it’s nothing of that sort, kiddo, it’s just that… he’s locked himself in his room and doesn’t want to let me in.” “Well, perhaps he needs some privacy, like we all do from time to time. I wouldn’t worry too much about him…” Virgil looks at Patton’s face of concern “…although I suspect there’s more in this story you’re not telling me. What has happened?” “Well, he had an argument with Janus in the living room just yesterday, and they both spit bitter and hurtful remarks to each other.” “Yeah, Janus is just like that, he… wait a minute, you know his name? He told you his name?” “Um, yes, kiddo, at the end of our conversation he revealed his name to us.” “Why would he do that?” Virgil said, talking to himself “What is this snake plotting now…?” “Kiddo, we were talking about Roman, remember?” “Oh, yes, sorry, Patton. Still, I wouldn’t worry much. Janus is all hiss but no bite, and Roman is strong to cope with whatever he told him.” “Even if he compared Roman with his twin brother Remus and said that Roman was the evil twin?” Over hearing that, Virgil showed a face of shock followed by intense fury and anger. He was almost trembling out of wrath and had his fists well tight. “That fiend… how could he use something so low to hurt Roman like that? How did Roman take it?” “Well, he seemed to believe that Thomas and I agreed with Janus, because it was really hard for him to fight tears and… then he questioned if Thomas thought of him as his hero anymore. I tried to reassure him… but he just left to his room and I haven’t been able to talk to him ever since, he just ignores my knocking at the door.” “If I were him, I’d be devastated too. If I know Roman, and after all these years, I think I do, nothing would scare him more than thinking he’s similar to his brother Remus. I’ve said a lot of slights to him just like he did to me, but I’d never punch him in the guts like that. Even I know there’s a line... Oh, if I put my hands on you, Janus, you... you poisonous viper” “What can we do, Virgil? There has to be a way to get to him.” “Well, I could try to break in into his room. I’m Thomas’ Anxiety, no one can escape from me in the Mind Palace if I put my mind into it. I can break any door open in the Mind Palace if I want… Oh, don’t look at me like that, Patton, don’t worry. I’m not interested in your secrets and I would never enter your rooms without your permission, unless there’s an emergency. And this looks like an emergency to me. If you agree, we could check on Roman right now, if you’re ready.” “Would you do that, Virge? I’m so worried about him.” “Then it’s settled. First, I’ll call Logan, I have the suspicion we’ll need him in this situation.” Virgil rises his hand and Logan rises up. “Why do you always have to rise me up like this, always when I’m busy. I was reading the latest edition of the Trivia book…” “You can do that later, Teach, this is an emergency. Something’s wrong with Roman and we’re all going to his room to check on him.” “What do you mean wrong, Virgil?” “We’ll explain on the way. Now, let’s go.” Virgil, Logan and Patton sank down, then rose up at Roman’s door. Virgil knocked at the door. “Roman? It’s me, Virgil, are you there?” “Leave me alone, emo. I just want to be alone!” Roman said at the other Side of the door. His voice sounded sad and stuttering, as if he was crying. “Please, kiddo, open the door, let us in, we just want to talk to you and make sure you’re okay!” “Oh, you’re there too. Begone, Patton. I don’t want to talk to anyone, especially to Janus and you, not after how you… betrayed me.” “Wha…?” Patton started saying, but Logan interrupted him. “Why do you think Patton betrayed you, Roman? Explain, please.” “Oh, great, you’re all there, aren’t you?” Roman’s voice sounded annoyed between the tears “Why don’t you ask the happy papi puffball what happened?” “He told us already, Roman, but we need to hear your version of the story before getting to any fair judgment. So please, open the door.” “I said no! Leave me alone, all of you!” “Well, enough is enough. We’re not gonna leave you like that when it’s clear you’re dying of pain. You guys helped me when I needed you and now that you need us, even if you don’t see it clearly, you’re gonna get our help, by hook or by crook!” “Don’t you dare, Virgil!” “Yes I dare, Roman!” Virgil kicked the door and broke it open. Then the three of them entered Roman’s room. Roman was there on the bed. But they only recognized him by his face (something Sides could do, even when they all had the same face) because the rest of his appearance didn’t look like him at all. He was wearing a dirty white sweatshirt with red shorts and flip flops. All his hair was disheveled and his makeup was all ruined because of the tears he had been shedding for hours. “How dare you enter my room!” Roman said, covering his face with both hands “Go away! Go away now! I don’t want you to see me like this!” “Roman, we’re sorry, but we can’t go away now,” Patton said, almost in tears “much less when we’ve seen you like this.” “Like what, like this outfit? You don’t like it Patton? What am I saying… You don’t care. No ones cares about my appearance, so why should I care about it? I thought…” Roman sobbed before continuing “… I thought I was your best friend… I thought we would always be sidekicks. I always followed your lead and… you abandoned me…” Roman sobbed again “You abandoned me for that slimy snake!” “That’s not true! I would never abandon you and I’m still your best friend! How can you even doubt it?” “Well, when you had to choose a side, no pun intended, it was clear who you chose first, and it wasn’t me. I… I only wanted you to be proud of me… that’s why I followed all your directions about what was good or bad… but now you suddenly changed course and… you left me lost in the dark… I don’t know my way anymore.” “This sounds familiar… it’s almost the same words Thomas said when I told him that I don’t know the way… Last time I made the mistake of making promises I couldn’t keep, and I’m not making the same mistake again. Listen, Roman, I’m already proud of you, and being Janus’ friend doesn’t mean I can’t be your friend too. And… I know you want to follow me, and want me to guide you out of the dark, but, kiddo… I don’t know the way. I’m as lost in the dark as you are.” “Don’t be silly, Patton. You’re Thomas’ morality. You’re supposed to know right and wrong.” “I… I thought I knew. But I was mistaken, and my mistakes almost led Thomas into a breakdown, remember? How can I be any good to guide anyone, when I don’t know which way to go? I… I’m sorry if I made you think that I had abandoned you, it was never my intention, I would never leave your side as long as you needed me. After all these years of friendship, I think you should know.” Roman looked at Patton. Tears were still running down his cheeks. “If we face this together, perhaps we could get out of the dark all together, like the friends we are. Please, Roman, don’t shut us out of your life. You’re important to us. You’re important to me. We all love you. I told you before and I meant it. We. Love. You. Roman. How wouldn’t we… when for all of us… you are our hero. You have always been and forever will be.” Roman showed an emotional smile and he hugged Patton. As he did so, a shining white light surrounded them, a light so bright that made Virgil close his eyes and Logan look away. After a few moments, the light disappeared. Roman and Patton were still there, hugging each other. But Roman was so different. He looked so handsome that Virgil’s and even Logan’s mouths went ajar. He was wearing a white suit with a red vest, white gloves and a shining golden crown on his head with a huge diamond on top of it and a red ruby, an orange garnet, a yellow citrine, a green emerald, a light blue topaz, an indigo tanzanite and a purple amethyst set all around it. After Roman released Patton and Patton saw the change, he went as ajar as the others. “What is this miracle?” Patton said “You look… majestic.” Roman looked at himself and noticed the change. “Oh… I was thinking I had something heavy on my head…” Roman said smiling, still emotional. “It seems you now know my true form… It’s been so long since the last time I sported it… I think I hadn’t worn this outfit since the split… My insecurities wouldn’t let me… because I didn’t think myself worthy of this appearance… but now that you told me all these words of reassurance, Patton…” Roman shed a tear. “Are you crying again, Roman?” Patton said, concerned. “Oh, don’t worry, padre. It’s happy tears. I’m so happy to have you in my life, and so relieved to know you didn’t abandon me… I love you so much, Patton. You will always be my dearest friend in this Mind Palace.” “I love you too, kiddo.” Roman looked at the others and chuckled. “Close your mouths, please, guys, we are not codfishes.” Virgil smiled. “Again quoting Mary Poppins, aren’t we?” “Of course, you know that July Andrews…” “…is a beautiful goddess, yes I remember, Roman.” “Thank you guys. If it wasn’t for you insisting on entering…” “We’re just glad that we could help. And if you want help into kicking that snake’s butt, I’m willing to help too.” “Now that you mention it… I think I was a bit rude with Janus. True that his answer was disproportionate, but I shouldn’t have made fun of his name in the first place. I’ll talk to him later, if he lets me.” “Oh, it won’t be necessary” Logan said, with a suddenly smooth voice. Roman showed himself surprised, but then he chortled after noticing something on Logan’s shirt.

“I was so upset I didn’t notice it. Your logo is on the wrong Side of the shirt. You’ll never learn to make a perfect impersonation of us… will you Janus?” Logan smirked and shaped back into his snake-boy form. “Let it be known that I’m not sorry about anything I said to you.” Janus said. “I meant all these words and you deserved them, each and everyone of them.” “Janus, you can’t fool me. Out of all the things you said, everything are lies… except one thing but you said it thinking it was a lie, when it was true. I did deserve these words, each and everyone of them. I treated you very bad when you were opening to us and I’m sorry.” Roman offered his hand “Could you accept this apology and maybe give me a chance to start over again? Perhaps we could even be friends if you want to.” Janus smirked, trying to act cool, but a tear on his human eye exposed his true feelings. He just kept on smirking and shook Roman’s hand. “I tried to summon Logan” Virgil said coldly “why did you come instead and where is Logan?” “Oh, Logan is fine, Virgil. He’s just doing some clever stuff of his in his room, so I came in his place. We didn’t need to bother him, did we?” “Well, you may have made things up with Roman, and I’m happy for him and his well-being. But you still have a lot to respond to before me. I haven’t forgotten what you did to me, and you’ll need a lot more than a hug to fix that.” Virgil then spoke to the others “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to ruin this mood, but Janus and I have a long story, and it’s not a good one. You are my friends and I won’t mind if you think of him as a friend of yours. But I’m not ready yet to forgive him. I hope you understand. I’m happy to see you’re okay again Roman, I really am. Bye, guys.” Virgil sank down. Janus looked at the empty space, again trying to act cool, but again his human eye betrayed him and showed how upset and sad he was about it. “What did you do to him, Janus?” Roman said. “It’s a long story, Roman, and to be honest for once in my life, I’d rather keep it to myself for the time being.” “As you wish kiddo.” Patton said. “But don’t worry. We are all Sides of Thomas. We are bound to love and understand each other sooner or later, in order to keep Thomas safe and sound. I’m sure you’ll fix your relationship with Virgil someday, you’ll see.” “I don’t care about that. If Virgil doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, it’s his loss, not mine.” Janus said. Roman and Patton’s condescending smiles immediately let him know he didn’t fool them. “Well, guys,” Janus said, nervously “we have wasted enough time already, haven’t we? We have a human to take care of so I propose we start working now.” “You’re right, but first…” Patton said “…a group hug to lift our spirits up.” “Yes, group hug!” Roman said hugging Patton. Then they both looked at Janus. “What? No, I’m not as sappy as you are.” “Yes you are, kiddo, come on…” “We promise not to tell Thomas” Roman said, smirking. “Well, in that case… I suppose I could join you… just because I’m getting cold and I need some body warmth or I’ll catch the flu. Being a cold-blooded snake has its disadvantages, you know...” “Of course, kiddo, of course.” Janus joined the group hug. He tried hard to hide it, but he couldn’t help showing a warm smile when the others wrapped him in their arms.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fic #fanfiction #fanfic #fic

13 notes · View notes

taexual · 4 years

Text

HOLIC - 49 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: angst (ONE LAST TIME, LET’S GO)

words: 4.7k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

prev / next

Jaebum watched you for a while after you asked the question, the echo of your voice ringing inside of his mind. Seeing you after nearly a week was too overwhelming. He couldn’t focus on just one emotion that he was feeling and the urge he had to cross the room and approach you overpowered everything else.

“I don’t—” he tried, resisting his own heart in order to remain true to his mind. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

But even despite what he said, he remained frozen in the same spot, not closing the door and not walking away from you.

“Please,” you said, the stinging pain in your heart translating itself into words, “I need you to know what really happened. I’m not—I don’t want you to immediately forgive me and move on. I just want you to know a-and to understand.”

“Don’t I already know everything I need to know?” he asked but still moved to a side—just slightly but that was enough for you to slip into the lounge room, away from the loud music.

In the brief second that it took for you to walk past him into the room – your shoulder brushing against his chest gently – you thought you were going to suffocate. The smell of his cologne, his side profile and the twin moles above his eye that you’d spent countless mornings staring at, his close proximity and just him, as a whole, brought back every moment of the life that you’ve shared with him and you immediately understood that walking away from this life—away from him—was going to be a task you would never have enough strength to finish.

“No, not everything,” you said as he closed the door. The two of you were back to where you’d been so many times before – in your own lost, broken, and exhausted world that pulsed with pain and sorrow and desperation. “Y-you know about these events I had to do. Well, that was Jiho’s idea. He insisted the gallery couldn’t invest in me if I wasn’t popular enough. It was all about media play. I thought that sort of made sense but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to establish my career by having my pictures taken with him—”

“I get that,” Jaebum interrupted. He’d had enough time to analyze every single one of your cryptic and vague answers to his questions about how your exhibition was going. He managed to put the pieces together himself. “I understand that you were working on your career. It was a way to get your own exhibition, that’s fine. It’s good. But faking a relationship while—”

You protested immediately. “I wasn’t—”

“Please,” Jaebum looked away. The utter lack of emotion in his voice scared you far more than any possible outcome of this conversation could. “He took you to all of these places to stir shit up on purpose. To draw more interest to you because you and him were there together.”

It was starting to become obvious that you wouldn’t have to talk about what happened since you saw Jiho at the gallery out of town. Even despite not giving Jaebum the detailed breakdown – or any sort of details about what you did, really – Jaebum still seemed to know everything. In the time you’ve spent preparing the right words to say to him, you’d forgotten to give him credit for his unrivaled perception skills.

“But there was no relationship,” you said. “There never was.”

“Right,” Jaebum continued, the hollowness behind his eyes taking you back to the night you told him about Jiho. You could feel your hands start to shake just like they did back then. “Except you went along with all that he was feeding the media.”

That was true and that’s why you were unable to find an excuse. “I-I was doing it to get the exhibition—”

He scoffed. “Because there was no other way, right?”

“Yes!” you agreed, your voice growing desperate and borderline manic. “You’d have left me behind, otherwise. I’d have—”

“What?” Jaebum’s voice had risen, too. Your accusation had clearly taken him off guard. “How would I leave you behind? I—”

“Oh, come on, you were already busy with your company dinners with executives and your meetings about the upcoming single…” you said, not trying to sound accusing but feeling like you did anyway. Pausing for a quick moment, you tried to continue in a softer voice, “you’re already working on an album. I was just trying to catch up with you so we could do this together. Like we wanted to.”

He narrowed his eyes and did not find a way to form a sentence for a minute or two.

“Okay,” he finally said then. “Yeah, so that makes it better, right?”

“It—”

“No, no, stop, it’s—” one of his hands squeezed the bridge of his nose as he exhaled slowly. “I just—God. I took you with me to everything that I was going through. I told you about all of it—like you said. I’ve welcomed you into my life and actively tried to include you in every single thing that was going on with me. And not just in terms of my career. I mean every thing. And you—well, fuck, clearly, I don’t mean enough for you to—”

He started to pace around the room – all while avoiding your eyes – but you had a feeling that the creaking sound wasn’t caused by the old floorboards. It was the sound of your heart breaking.

“No, Jaebum,” you stopped him before he could finish the sentence, “t-that’s not it at all. I’m—I’m horribly afraid of hurting you or ruining the things between us and that’s why I didn’t tell you. This fear was—it just took control of all of my decisions. I’m sorry, I—I should have never kept quiet about something that was this big. I never meant to hurt you like that, I just genuinely—stupidly—thought that this was the only way for me to do this. I thought that if I could endure those events with him, it would ensure a future for me. For us. A happy, successful future.”

“That’s built on a lie?”

You blinked, his raw words ricochetting off the walls of the empty room and hitting your chest. “Built on—”

“—on you, selling yourself out to Jiho?” he finished for you.

“I wasn’t—Jaebum, please. I don’t like him, either. I hate him, really. Nothing ever happened between him and me—honestly, just the thought of something happening makes me want to tear my hair out in disgust. It’s just--at first I didn’t tell you about this to spare your feelings. You were in such a good mood, I never wanted to ruin that. And then I-I was scared because you’d started to drift away from me – you were telling me about all of these new opportunities, all of these new people. Imagine how much worse it would have been if you were making it in the world, and I was still scrubbing the walls at my gallery per Eva’s orders.”

You realized that no matter which direction you went in, your words still sounded accusing. But before you could express yourself more clearly, Jaebum was already groaning in exasperation.

“At least, I was telling you about my life!” he snapped. “You are the one who tried to leave me behind, in the end.”

“I—that’s—I didn’t mean to make it sound like you’re the one to blame here,” you said carefully. “I know I fucked up. I genuinely believed that everything would have worked out, eventually. I thought that I could host that exhibition and we could put all of this shit behind us, not having to focus on it at all. I thought I could completely erase the part of my life that involved Jiho while I was still living in it and only now do I realize how big of a reality check I needed. No one can live and attempt not to live at the same time.”

Jaebum didn’t speak but you saw his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed. You took this as your cue to continue and say the words you’ve come to say.

“I just… I couldn’t shake these thoughts that you would have started to feel bad about talking about your achievements to me if I wasn’t achieving anything myself – that’s why I went along with what Jiho offered. Otherwise, y-you would have kept quiet about advancing your career so you wouldn’t upset me and, maybe, you would have found someone else to talk to,” you said and noticed that he opened his mouth – evidently ready to protest – so you continued louder, not letting him cut in, “you’d meet a lot of other people, a lot of similar people – aspiring singers – and they would listen to you. They would understand. You’d feel sorry for me then, maybe even try to help me. We would argue just like we used to, only this time, it would be so much bigger. We would—”

“Alright,” he couldn’t listen anymore. “I get it. Okay? You did this for your career. I get it.”

He didn’t just say that to get you to stop talking about all the hypothetical ways in which your relationship would have reached its end. He truly did understand your reasoning and, in any case, he wasn’t this upset about your choice to pull a publicity stunt with Jiho. What bothered him this whole week was the fact that he didn’t even know about this choice. Your voluntary silence in regards to your career was what hurt him the most and, when he allowed himself to unclench his muscles and finally glance at you, you saw the repercussions it had on him.

He looked exhausted. Vulnerable. Hurt.

“I didn’t want to keep it a secret,” you said slowly, your voice breaking when you needed it to be strong the most, “but there was nothing I feared more than losing you. Every time I was supposed to see Jiho, I felt sick. Every time I had to smile next to him, I was just about ready to die. I regretted it every step of the way and I wanted to tell you about it. I knew you’d tell me that I didn’t have to do this – that I could find a different way – but I feared that the end result would have been the same. My inability to keep up with you would have created a bottomless pit between us. It was already looming in the distance.”

“How long did you think you were going to keep doing this with him?” Jaebum asked but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer. Just this question, however, asked in a sensible tone, let you know that he was now hearing what you were saying and, as the gaps in the puzzle he’d pieced together began to fill, he was beginning to feel the tension in his chest recede.

“It was supposed to be just a few appearances,” you said. “He said it’d be good for me to make a name for myself but no one cared about that. I obviously wasn’t the first person he was dragging to these events and no one gave a shit about me. I was just his plus one.”

“So, why—”

“I finally decided to end this in the car on our way to Jackson’s event,” you began to respond, guessing what he was going to ask, “I knew this wasn’t going to work. I-I mean, it probably would have worked, eventually, but I’ve had enough. I didn’t want it to be like this. And then Jiho and I got into a fight and I got—I don’t know, confused? Distracted?—and I decided to wait until the end of the night before I told him I was done. I figured it’d be good for me to, at least, get to know some more relevant people before I gave up on everything I’ve been trying to work on.”

“But then Jackson ruined everything,” Jaebum pointed out.

You weren’t exactly sure how much Jackson had told Jaebum about your conversation but now didn’t feel like the right time to ask. You weren’t here to testify according to Jackson’s testimony. You were here to tell Jaebum the long-overdue truth.

“He didn’t ruin anything,” you said. “Jiho didn’t hear what Jackson and I talked about at that event.”

“Well, then what happened? How come we’re here?”

You took a deep breath.

“I ended it,” you said simply with a small shrug, “because I finally realized that none of this was ever going to be worth it. I ended it and then I quit my job at the gallery, too. I realized I’d made a mistake: I should have never stomped on all that I thought was right. I should have stuck with my morals. I realized where I was and what I was doing, and I didn’t want to be there anymore. I didn’t want to talk to Jiho anymore, let alone work with him,” you could feel yourself fire up as you talked, the emotions that had taken over you too difficult to control, “I didn’t even want to host a stupid fucking exhibition anymore. I just—I wanted you. And I no longer cared if I would've had to rob a construction site so I could build my own fucking gallery from the ground up and have the damn exhibition there, all on my own terms. I no longer cared if the exhibition would never even happen. I think, for a moment, I was hoping it would never happen because I didn’t think I deserved it. Because it made no sense if I didn’t have you. Nothing made sense if you weren’t with me.”

Jaebum couldn’t find enough air in the room to fill his lungs.

“Y-you—but why?” he asked, breathless and completely distraught. “You could have kept going. Like you said, if you’d have endured him a little more, you could have had your own exhibition just like you wanted. Why tell me and break the deal with Jiho off—”

“Because I love you,” you cut him off and for the next minute, the two of you listened to the heavy silence of the room, hearing how, beat by beat, your hearts returned to the harmonious rhythm.

He didn’t say anything – he was afraid – and you didn’t think you’d manage to find the strength to talk either, but the look on his face pushed you to open your mouth.

“I-I love you so fucking much, I’d rather throw away my only shot at a successful future than lose you,” you said, very uncertain about breaking the silence but gradually growing more confident once you saw the old glimmer in Jaebum’s eyes return, “I love you so much, I can’t pretend to be a different person with a different set of values, because every step along the way, I know that you would never support me like this,” you dared to take a step closer to him and nearly tripped over your feet when he stayed still, not pulling away from you, “I love you so much, I would rather stand behind and quietly watch you drift away from me, further and further every day, than risk drowning our relationship for the sake of something as trivial as ambition.”

You were standing right in front of him now, the two of you breathing each other’s oxygen like you’ve done so many times before.

“That shit means nothing to me in comparison to you,” you said quietly, the corners of your eyes wet with tears. “I don’t want anything else. Not like that. Never like that. And I’m so fucking sorry it took me this long to see this. I’m so sorry I didn’t immediately—I’m really sorry. I’m sorry I hesitated for so long. I-I waited and waited until I started to feel as if I could either have my exhibition or you and, if that was the case, I didn’t care about the fucking exhibition. I wanted you. I’ve only ever wanted you.”

“F-fuck. You didn’t tell me. You kept quiet—”

“I know. Fuck, I know. And I’m sorry, Jaebum,” you kept going, repeating the apologies over and over as tears slid down your cheeks, leaving a glistening path of sorrow in their wake. Ignoring your own feelings, you focused on collecting all of the pain you’ve caused him. You’d have spent the entire night apologizing for every bit of it—no matter how small and irrelevant. “I’m so fucking sorry. I love you and I can’t think straight. I’ve never—you’re the only—fuck, I thought I was keeping it all to myself because I didn’t want to ruin your happiness. I don’t even know why that made sense to me—I-I’m sorry. I should have never kept you in the dark about this. I wanted—I want you next to me through everything I go through. I do, really, and I’m so sorry. I should have—”

“Please stop,” he asked shakily, “don’t apologize anymore. Please, just—l-let me kiss you. I can’t breathe.”

The words seemed heaven-sent -- you could almost hear a grandiose tune crescendo in the background but that could have just been your heart exploding -- and the speed with which your hands wrapped themselves around his neck as his lips found yours, stopped the earth from turning. The feeling of his body pressed against yours and every single touch of his fingers against your skin was filled with emotions so strong, it could have rearranged every star in the Milky Way.

You could hear the stars exploding in the night sky outside and you could taste the supernovas on his lips. You kissed him back, reading every painful memory he kept as your fingertips brushed against the shivering skin on the nape of his neck. You could feel the love for him burst in your chest, extending far into the other galaxies and returning right back, right to this empty room, where one single soul was beginning to patch itself back together again.

You never wanted to pull away and Jaebum held you like he wasn’t ever going to let you. His tongue slid under yours until the kiss was almost as deep as the love in his heart and as strong as his grip on your waist. He kissed you like he was never going to leave. Like everything was going to be okay.

When you pulled away, your lungs were heavy with the air you had both struggled to find in this room and your chests were full of the love you’ve held yourselves back from sharing. You leaned in, kissing him again – not taking the feeling of his lips against yours for granted but still not being able to get enough of him – and he stopped you from pulling away by kissing you harder because the thought of not having kissed you for so long suddenly hurt much more than anything else.

You were laughing when he broke the kiss to inhale, leaning his forehead against yours. His hands were still on your waist as if the only way to make sure that you were really here, was to hold you as close as possible.

“Y-you said you quit your job,” he mentioned after a moment, his eyes scanning every inch of your face to check how much of you has changed while he wasn’t there to see it. “Are you sure about that?”

“Oh. Yeah. It’s okay. I’m looking for a new one,” you said and then could not resist adding, “maybe you can support a poor girl with the money you’ll get when your debut album goes platinum.”

Jaebum laughed and, for a quick moment, it felt like you’ve died and appeared right at the gates to heaven. The thought that you’d risked never hearing the sound of his laughter again was impossible to bear.

“Hey, but what about the bottomless pit, looming in the distance of our relationship?” he asked.

You hated the metaphor when you said it but you wanted to stomp it into the ground when he repeated it. He was probably never going to let the dramatic flair in your speech go but even the possibility of him mocking you for the rest of your life excited you.

“I spit in it,” you said, dead-serious. “And anyone who tries to get to us will be drowned in said spit.”

Jaebum frowned but the smile didn’t leave his lips. “That is disgusting and very violent.”

“Every time I end up almost losing you, I become more aggressive,” you confessed in a humorous tone but you weren’t joking about anything you were saying. “Watch out, I’ll kill a man for you one day.”

He laughed again – and the heavenly gates opened up even wider – shaking his head. “I hope that won’t be necessary.”

You cleared your throat, the moment’s banter broken by the heaviness in your chest that, frankly, might never go away despite how tonight ended.

“I hope so, too,” you said and your hands detached themselves from around his neck, sliding down his chest until you felt him reluctantly release your waist. You needed more distance if you wanted to tell him the things you’ve gotten too overwhelmed to say before. “I truly am sorry, Jaebum. I never ever wanted to keep any secrets from you, I—”

“I know,” he said almost reflexively. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

He nodded, agreeing with your disagreeing eyes. “Yeah, alright. It’s not. But I love you. I don’t know what’s okay anymore when it comes to you.”

The shivers that ran down your body after he said the three words seemed to buzz so loudly, you couldn’t hear your thoughts anymore, let alone think about the power you held over him.

“I… I’m scared of the lengths I might go in order not to lose your love,” you admitted slowly, your stomach clenching and twisting and turning as you said the words that seemed right but felt so terrifying. “I’m scared I might keep proving to be unworthy of it.”

Jaebum lifted his hands to reach yours – still resting on his chest – and he squeezed them, pressing them into his chest harder until you could feel his heartbeat.

“My love isn’t that noble of a thing,” he said.

“It is to me,” you insisted. “I know you don’t give it to just anyone and I hate to think that I almost proved to you that all of your fears about this – about us – were rational.”

You were afraid to look him in the eyes but he refused to speak if you weren’t.

“They weren’t rational,” he said once your gazes finally met.

“W-what?” you frowned. “But—”

“They never were rational,” he said, the beating of his heart accentuating every word. “There was never a legitimate reason for me to be afraid of what would happen to us next. I can’t be afraid of life. And I know that for certain now because you told me you loved me a-and you meant it. You’re the first person who told me that and meant it.”

“Jaebum,” you whispered, scared to talk louder than his heart was beating. “You will probably never meet a person who fucks up more than I do. I make mistakes so stupid, it’s impossible I haven’t accidentally killed myself yet. And I always realize that what I’m doing is wrong when it’s too late.”

He watched you before admitting, “I don’t see your point.”

“I love you but I don’t want you to feel like you owe me to love me back,” you confessed, getting your hands out from under his and dropping them to your sides. The words you were saying to him now were a permission for him to leave and touching him felt too much like holding him back from making a rational, sensible decision. “You deserve a relationship where you wouldn’t have to try so hard. A relationship where you would be treated right and would never have to overcome all of these huge obstacles in order to be happy. A-and I love you enough to leave if you tell me to leave.”

He didn’t respond right away and, for every second that he was quiet, the fear spread faster and faster inside of you. You would certainly go if he told you to but you were scared of how many pieces of yourself you’d leave with him when you walked away.

“God,” Jaebum finally said. “You do make painfully dumb decisions, that part was true.”

“I—” your eyebrows had risen as these weren’t the words you’d expected him to say. “Yeah, alright. I do.”

“If you left me, ever,” Jaebum said, “that would be the mistake you’d realize you’d made too late.”

You tried not to focus on the excited whimpering of your heart. “I-I just don’t want you to feel like—”

“You are indescribably thick—” Jaebum interrupted.

“Okay, now that stung a little—”

“—for ever thinking that I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he finished, taking your hands back into his so you wouldn’t cut him off again.

“Y-you…” your breath hitched, “you’d want that?”

“Of course,” Jaebum said, pulling you back closer to him as final proof that he was absolutely not going to let you leave. “No relationships sail smoothly from beginning to end. There are obstacles everyone has to overcome so they could be together in the end.”

“But these obstacles, they—they’re never this big for others,” you weren’t sure why you kept talking but it still didn’t feel like all was said and done. You’ve already made so many apologies about keeping secrets from him that it didn’t feel right to stop talking before you’ve truly said everything. “We’ve gone through so much and I’ve always been scared that you and I might have an expiration date. I don’t want to put you through any more suffering because of me, and, God knows, I can’t walk away from you but maybe being with someone shouldn’t be so hard.”

His grip on you only tightened.

“Maybe it shouldn’t,” he said. “But if it is, then you’re the only person I want to go through all of those hard times with. Maybe that’s my painfully dumb decision.”

You gave him a look. “Ha.”

“I love you,” Jaebum smiled, his voice sounding far less strained than it did when you first came here tonight as if a thousand pounds have been lifted from the inside of his throat. “And if this love is exactly what kills me, then, at least, I’ll die knowing that you love me, too.”

“I do,” you promised, smiling when he grimaced at his own choice of words. “Always.”

It was what he needed to hear. It was all that he needed to hear and he leaned in to capture your lips with his in a kiss that sealed the promises made here.

Jaebum could recognize his own vulnerability when it came to you – not that it mattered when your lips were against his – and he was partially convinced that he’d already forgiven you long before you came to see him tonight. But the fact that you did come only proved to him that you were worthy of his forgiveness.

You would've had to be extremely naïve to believe that you'd immediately move past the weeks of silence and the days of pain. All of it might still return to haunt you in the future but it was okay because, with every shared kiss, the hurt and the pain would recede until, eventually, it’d turn into a memory. A memory that made you stronger.

You’ve made promises to each other tonight. Promises to fight together, even if sometimes you couldn’t help but return to your very roots and argue with each other instead. However, at the end of every fight, what you would truly be defending would not be your own interest or your own feelings. You’d be defending this relationship. Defending your heart and his heart, permanently tied together with rusty, tortured--and yet unbreakable--chains.

You would have screamed, suffered, and sacrificed the whole world to keep his heart safe and he would have done all of that for you.

chapter directory

256 notes · View notes

lordmegadumb · 4 years

Text

TFP Decepticons as Parents

Well.... I was really dumb and accidentally deleted to request! But hey! I’ll try again (hence the reason it took so long to come out.). Eh... probably won’t be as good as it was the first time but here we go! They didn’t specify what gender they wanted so I’ll try to keep it gender neutral. Hope you enjoy!

Megatron

A protective Sire. Guards are with you at all times outside of the Nemesis.

Soundwave is sometimes one of those guards.

You will know how to fight. No question about it. You’ll learn from Megatron and Soundwave on how to fight like a gladiator. This skill comes in handy when you come into contact with the Autobots (which is very rare), and you’ll easily overwhelm them. Back up always arrives, so you never truly fight alone.

Someone disrespected you? They will pay! No one disrespects Megatron’s sparkling!

Probably won’t even happen since everyone likes you. (Excluding the SIC.)

All though he loves you dearly, he will be strict with you in front of others.

Alone together, “How was your day, (Y/n)?”

“It was great, Sire! Did you hear?...”

Likes telling you stories about your carrier. They are no secret so he’s willing to share, but you can tell his mood dampens a little when he does. He’ll also tell you how it was before the war.

You only go out on patrols. Missions are too risky for you.

Stay away from the Autobots.

The Autobots avoid you at all cost.

Starscream also avoids you whenever he can. Megatron would have his helm if he every laid a finger on you!

And obviously, you are the heir of the Decepticons.

You two have a close bond, even though it doesn’t seem that way.

He’s such a worry wart sometimes when it comes to your safety.

Makes sure you have good morals, unlike how he does.

You admire his strength and ability to keep pushing forward.

Starscream

A protective sire like Megatron, but not as much.

You have more free reign, however, Starscream does want to keep tabs on you so you’re not getting into any trouble.

Expect lots of bickering between the two of you.

“That was pretty stupid of you to try attacking Lord Megatron like that.”

“Who are you calling stupid?!”

“You, stupid.”

“Hey!”

You actually respect and look up to him for his brilliant mind. You’ve come to learn that while most of his plans fail, they weren’t bad ideas, they just didn’t work.

Long flights together.

Megatron learns you work together better. You will get to join your sire on missions.

Starscream tries to keep you out of danger. The Autobots show up a lot when the Seeker is involved.

Autobots are sketchy of you.

While Starscream lies a lot, he’ll teach you the lying is not the way to get around things. You are his sparkling, and he wants what’s best for you.

He’ll never, and I mean NEVER, bring you into one of his schemes to take down Megatron.

Although Seekers are practically none existent except you two, Starscream will teach you the ways of the Seeker such as, language, fighting style, culture (traditional and modern).

If he sees/hears you using what he has taught you, expect fluttering wings and praises from him.

Soundwave

A silently but deadly sire. Watching from afar, but close by if you need him.

It won’t be surprising if you become a tech expert like he is.

You’ll rarely go on mission, you’re better working beside your sire where you excel greatly.

Fighting is a necessity for you, your sire isn’t always going to be able to protect. Luckily, Lord Megatron is old friends with Soundwave, so he’ll only send you on mission if you are absolutely needed.

Flying together is when you bond together. No talking, just you and him flying together.

“......”

“Smiles at Sire”

“:D”

You don’t talk a lot, like Soundwave. Lord Megatron finds it amusing for some reason.

Laserbeak sometimes hangs around you, not that you mind that much. You know that she’s there to keep a watchful optic on you when Soundwave can’t.

Starscream one time tried convincing you to join one of his endeavors on taking down Megatron; it ended with Soundwave and Megatron kicking his aft.

Autobots avoid you as well.

Soundwave (when he actually talks) would talk about the Golden Age, and how corrupt the system was. How he met Megatron and Orion Pax and your carrier, how the revolt started, to when Cybertron went dead. You always listened intently, intrigued about the world you barely remember.

You have many friends among the Decepticons, such as Dreadwing, Predaking, and ST3V3 (Steve).

You’ll become the strong silent type, just like Soundwave.

Predaking

You’re much like your sire. Strong and brave!

You are Predaking’s light in the darkness! When his creator, Shockwave, made him, he was alone, but when you came into the picture, he finally doesn’t feel as lonely as he had before.

You give him hope that the Predacons will have a future.

Lord Megatron will send you both out to give his soldiers back up when the Autobots start overwhelming them. The Warlord makes a few exceptions for you due to the fact that you’re a sparkling, unlike Predaking.

The King is very grateful for that! And does well to thank the leader of the Decepticons for excluding you from doing frequent missions.

Because Predaking hasn’t lived long enough to learn proper fighting techniques like Megatron and Soundwave, you simply observe how he handles himself. You eventually learn to fight the way a Predacon does, along with a twist of fighting like Knock Out and Breakdown. You easily overpower the Autobots this way.

Predaking is very proud you can handle yourself.

You are the logic to his brute-ness. After Megatron had betrayed Predaking, and Bumblebee offered an alliance, you had convinced him to join forces with the Autobots.

“The Autobots do not deserve our help! They are no better than the Decepticons!”

“Sire, they are better. They have morals and honor. Please, consider working with them. You’re not becoming an Autobot; you’re simply becoming temporary allies. Besides, we can’t restore the Predacon race by ourselves.”

“Hmm... I will... I will think about my sparkling. Thank you for giving me your thoughts.”

The Autobots eventually start liking you once they learn you’re actually pretty nice!

After meeting Skylynx and Darksteel, you three become the best of friends! Pranking the Autobots will become the norm! (Predaking worries they’ll steal you away though! XD)

Long flights in your beast modes will become a weekly routine for you and your Sire. He calls it your bonding time.

Predaking will tell you everything he’s learn so far from the Decepticons, as well as what knowledge he’s gaining from the Autobots.

You’ll obviously become the next ruler of the Predacons. By the time you succeed the title, the Predacon population would’ve increased tremendously with the help of the Well of Sparks.

Dreadwing

Will talk about his departed twin brother and how he’ll get revenge on the Autobots a lot. It can get kinda annoying, but you still love him.

You’ll be his assistant when it comes to making tough decisions. You actually suggested going against Lord Megatron’s order, which ended up saving his life.

“Good morning, little one. Did you rest well?”

“I did, thank you. Do you have to go on patrol today?”

“I will this afternoon, but we will be able to spend time together tonight. How does a story sound?”

Very stubborn about certain things.

After Dreadwing gets murdered by Megatron, the Autobots allow you to join them since Dreadwing had asked them to when giving them the hammer.

Flying together on patrol is a common thing between you two.

Dreadwing would teach you how to fire guns and hand to hand combat. He knows very well that he won’t always be able to protect you from danger.

Will make sure you stay away from Starscream, especially when he learns that he brought his brother’s body from its resting place. You were very angry about that as well.

Skyquake and Dreadwing co-parented whenever your carrier died. They both loved you dearly, and you considered them both as your sires (hence the reason why you got angry with Starscream as well.).

Dreadwing will tell you to never lose yourself in anger for only bad things will happen.

Allowed you a lot of freedom, but always made sure you were safe. You are the only thing he has left and he will not lose you too.

He is very proud is you when he learns you started studying medicine with Knock Out. Later, you’ll become Ratchet’s star pupil.

He will ‘pledge his sword’ to you so you’ll have a bright future.

Shockwave

Like your sire, you’re not one for emotion. You learned this from Shockwave since he’s always used logic for everything. Not that you don’t have any, you’re just more reactant unlike the others.

You are his prodigy! Anything he knows, you’ll most likely know it too.

He has a datapads specifically made for you that has all of the notes and experiments he’s done in the past. Any great scientific discovery made in history will be written down as well.

You have no clue how to fight. You’ve spent pretty much 3/4 of your life inside of a lab. Besides, you can get work done faster if there’s always someone working in the lab while the war goes on.

“Shockwave, shouldn’t you teach your sparkling how to fight?

“No, it’s simply logically for them to stay inside of the lab instead of fighting the Autobots. Their skills will go to waste on the battlefield, Lord Megatron.”

“I see, then, (Y/n) will not be participating in any mission that includes fighting the Autobots.”

Starscream hates you. No question about it. You’ve offered to have him join you many times, but he’s always rejected your offer, adding an insult too.

Knock Out helps though! He finds your wide range of knowledge and experience endearing and impressive.

Shockwave let you help create the Predacons. Yay! Brothers!

The Predacons will be ordered to protect you. They won’t complain because they’ll form a close bond to you.

Like him before the war, you’ll have a fascination for beautiful things. You actually come to find the way the humans dress to be beautiful, in your opinion. The other Decepticons think they’re weird and that you’re weird as well.

After Lord Megatron surrenders, you’ll join the Autobots and help them start rebuilding Cybertron. Shockwave will join as well, seeing it is illogical not to.

Knock Out

You will be squeaky clean! No exceptions!

“Is that a scratch on your window?”

“Oh slag! Is there? Can you fix it, Sire?”

“Yup! Let me grab the buffer first!”

Racing will be a hobby you two do together. Who wins varies.

Breakdown sometimes watches over you when Knock Out is out on patrol.

Knock Out will teach you how to be a medic, with the help of Breakdown of course! You easily catch on and you’re onto helping them repair Decepticons.

You’ll help fix the Vehicons. A lot. At least they like you!

You won’t be that good at fighting since Knock Out isn’t either. You’ll be able to use an electrical no staff like what he uses.

Lots of teasing from Knock Out.

Will make sure you aren’t alone with Autobots. He knows what they can do and doesn’t want anything happen to you.

Missions will be a frequent thing. Lord Megatron had learned that you’re able to keep Knock Out focused. He tends to run off to join human races.

You two are considered the best looking Decepticons.

You both avoid mud like your life depends on it.

Breakdown

Breakdown obviously has a soft spot for you about anything.

You wanna leave the Nemesis? Sure! Just let him know if anything happens. Wanna race Knock Out? Cool! Make sure not to hurt anyone.

You both love to rough house!

Knock Out sometimes has to yell at you two to stop wrestling in the medbay.

You also use a hammer to fight against the Decepticons.

Whenever Airachnid offlines your sire, you are set on revenge! Revenge is also directed towards M.E.C.H.

You join Knock Out on experimenting on Silas.

Breakdown will teach you everything he knows about medicine, and Knock Out will sometimes substitute him when he’s off doing a mission or patrol. When he’s no longer around, Knock out will become your full term mentor until Ratchet takes over.

You both enjoy peaceful drives together. They don’t happen often because of the war but you’ll take any chance you have to do so.

“Hey Sire! Are you busy ‘cause if you aren’t, you wanna go on a drive?”

“A drive does sound nice. Let’s hurry and leave before anyone stops us.”

“Yay! Let’s go!”

Breakdown would always tell you stories about how he fought Bulkhead and his past, involving your carrier. Supposedly, they were related to Knock Out, so he’s your uncle.

You use to have a grudge on Bulkhead since Breakdown had one, but after you join the Autobots, you become great friends!

You become a wrecker with Wheeljack, Bulkhead, and Ultra Magnus! Breakdown would be proud of you being strong like them!

#transformerprime #transformers #breakdown #tfpscenarios #tfp predaking #tfp megatron #tfp soundwave #tfp breakdown #tfp knockout #tfp starscream #headcanon #reader insert #tfpshockwave

137 notes · View notes

crisisengine · 4 years

Text

review: TEENS OF STYLE

Teens of Style was Will Toledo (aka Car Seat Headrest)’s 2015 major label debut. However, rather than being a paradigm shift into new, polished studio-recorded material (which would come on the next record, Teens of Denial), it was instead a laptop-recorded look back at the Will’s lo-fi Bandcamp days, compiling together older songs from different projects (mainly his first non-numbered album My Back is Killing Me Baby and the relentless but captivating breakup record Monomania). Now that Will has a firmly established musical reputation outside of the world of Bandcamp and people are enjoying all his work, both new and old, I thought it would be a good time to explore whether this record holds up in its own right. It is more than just a greatest hits compilation? (short answer: ABSOLUTELY YES!)

I like how the refrain from SUNBURNED SHIRTS closes and opens Car Seat Headrest’s first trilogy of major label albums. It’s cool to see how, on this song and on ‘Twin Fantasy (Those Boys)’, the same words and melodies are used in totally different contexts (though, here, we also get the eargasmic “People here bang on the walls late at night…” part). This one oozes dreamlike, summery vibes. I love the psychedelic sound collage at the start and, from there, it’s a pleasure to watch the song build up into the final rock-out ending.

The opening riff of THE DRUM is perfectly produced. Whenever it appears, sometimes without warning, I get total chills. The guitar tone cuts through like an ice pick. The verses build on this in a muddier fashion but, by the time the vocals come to a head (“The Drum’s in debt!!) I am absolutely won over. Andrew Katz’s spritely drum fills add a fitting contrast to the breakdown and final verse really does give off a bizarre sense of triumph (“he’s got his flag unfurled or something”). I enjoy how, after the opener has gradually drawn us in, this song feels like a decisive overture, a setting of the scene for the album.

SOMETHING SOON is a brilliantly put-together pop song. The verses’ lyrical vignettes of cabin-fever turn into outright desperation in the chorus. It pinpoints these feelings really accurately. The skittering breaks in the verses release themselves into the crashing choruses and outro. Each section is bookended by the same repeating electric piano chord. The explosion from this pared down moment into the final burst of energy just seems so right.

Like ‘The Drum,’ NO PASSION also rests on an exquisite moment of production. In the final chorus when Will sings “I” in his high register, it’s like a shot through the heart. The sarcastic image of failure in the verses compliments this so well – a succession of half-formed images that seem to suck away all feeling. The comparative earnestness of “I just needed more money, more time, more love” hits home. Our generation often try to rationalise things through sarcasm when really there is something more deeply lacking in our lives. The line “All my desires are so poorly drawn” also really resonates with me.

TIMES TO DIE adds to this album’s incredibly strong selection of opening moments of tracks. The wandering bassline interlocks with the chug of a delayed guitar followed by a single note. There’s something incredibly satisfying about it, especially when you are aware of the sound bath you are about to enter. The psychedelic vocal and guitar interplay in the verses is a highlight – in the first, they mirror each other but, in the second, the guitar skirts around the vocals, carving out new crevices. Their two melodies collide at the end of said verse, in a really affecting way (“but he just keeps singing this song”). The use of horns and cut-up vocals enlivens the sound palette. It feels like a series of ancient rooms with each section or lyrics (“and when they took him to the temple…”) leading somewhere new. A light seems to shine through as the melodies cascade upwards. The “most of the time” section provides nice segue into the “divine council” part which feels like an explosion, with the “is it harder to speak?” section as its fallout. The intermingling of imagery or religion and the music business (“got to believe in the one above me, got to believe that [Vince]Lombardi [head of Matador records] loves me”) is playful and dreamlike.

PSST TEENAGERS is a fun interlude that adds some more immediate energy into a generally fairly meditative album.

The opening verses of STRANGERS leave you inquisitive as to where the song is heading. All becomes clear when the tension of the exclamatory chorus is released in the lovely, picked instrumental break that follows (again enhanced by some inventive drum rhythms). The second section is the real stunner though, starting off cocoon-like and vulnerable but leading into a volatile crescendo. The line “I won’t last too much longer” and its raw delivery convey a sense of enigmatic fragility that I find very affecting.

The keyboard riff in MAUD GONE swamps the mix in the best way possible. I love its distorted, wet tones. The sax solo at the song’s crescendo provides the perfect counterpoint to it, too. Its muscular, sinewy texture cuts through emphatically in the context of the album’s drenched sound palette. As the notes reach up, the instrument seems to become an incredible, cathartic pressure valve, leeching out a lot of confused unspoken feelings as the notes reach up. The metaphor of “a full moon every night” is enticingly simple but also utterly apt for the feelings it describes.

LOS BARRACHOS has an infectious opening synth lick. As it bubbles under the verses, I’m just waiting for it to return with its full force. The wry but combative tone of the song’s opening (“let’s […] crush the grapes beneath our feet/ like some heartbroken Bacchus”) reflects Will’s desperate attempt to rekindle this relationship, to change his situation, to turn sadness into hedonism. These illusions can’t last, however. The riff does not return. Instead the song melts into a kind of broken, abject despair. “I miss you.” The disintegration of the song’s subtitle to just “Don’t have any hope left” is heart-breaking. It’s the most visceral portrait of a breakdown I’ve ever heard.

BAD ROLE MODELS, OLD IDOLS EXHUMED is my favourite song title ever. The track (the only new song written for Teens of Style) feels like a self-aware reflection on the nature of this album. The images of a figure from the past who once meant a lot but is now insignificant in the life of the narrator seem to tally somewhat with the way in which the album is made up of songs taken from previous projects. Past relationships, and the hurt they have caused, are dismissed and rationalised into triviality and insignificance. The horns and the final refrain make for a strangely celebratory ending, like a forced annulment of regrets (“You probably looked like an idiot in that hat!”) in the face of a resolve to move forward. This forced, performative break with the past, however, seems only to emphasise how the wounds are still very much open, just as the songs here, despite their pre-dating of the album itself, lose none of their emotional potency.

The chorus of OH, STARVING! is deliberately contradictory but also feels very comprehensible. The boredom of a life that seems superficially better as, opposed to a past delineated by clear highs and lows, is a recognisable feeling. Sometimes things being superficially ‘ok’ just makes you painfully aware of how far away you are from the things you really want in life, while impending pressures can obscure this, making any brief moments of solace much sweeter. In the context of the album, this also seems to imply a sense of nostalgia with regard to the events and feelings laid out in these songs. Even though this album deals with confusion, depression and heartbreak, in hindsight, the potency and simplicity of these feelings (given the separation of time between the writing and re-recording of these tracks) could almost seem preferable to the confused present. Yet, by the end of the song, Will seems to finally be able to let go. Saying “goodbye” to all his “secret files” seems almost ritualistic, like he is purging himself of the confusions of the past and moving on. I like this version of the song best because of the moment, at the very end, when the delicate piano chords and doo-wop harmonies are replaced by raw, shredding guitars and a single voice singing “goodbye” so distortedly the word is almost incomprehensible. The raw power of this moment seems to work up a head of steam, like an exorcism of the kinks and bruises of the past, in favour of something.

There isn’t Car Seat Headrest album I’ve heard that I don’t love. However, I think Teens of Style undoubtedly ranks among the best of them. It might just be one of my favourite albums of all time. It does lack the conceptual charge that powers Twin Fantasy, Monomania, Teens of Denial and even, to some extent, How to Leave Town. However, despite their lack of a heavy overarching theme, these songs flow together really well. The album feels cohesive thanks to its spring-reverbed production aesthetic (which reminds me of being indoors on a hot summer day) and the smaller themes that recur throughout (resentment of the past, confusion in the present, getting signed to a major indie label). The tweaks to the lyrics of many of these songs make the creative intent yet more apparent.

I also think this album definitely does not negate the albums from which these songs are taken. I love Monomania and My Back is Killing Me Baby and, if you haven’t listened to them you should definitely do so right now! There are bunch of essential songs on both albums that are not on this one (‘father, flesh in rags,’ ‘Souls,’ ‘happy news for sadness,’ ‘Sleeping with Strangers,’ I could go on…). However, for me, the songs on this album benefit from being recontextualised and, in certain cases, from being rerecorded. It’s great to be able to experience the stronger standalone songs from these previous records in the context of album that lets them breathe a little more, outside of context.

The most obvious example is ‘Los Barrachos’ which I think works amazingly well as the climactic track for this album. On Monomania, placed somewhere in the middle, it felt more like a just another rung in the downward spiral of heartbreak. On Teens of Style, it has room to breathe and can finally reach its full potential. Similarly, ‘Maud Gone’ benefits hugely from its re-recording. The crisp yet bedraggled sound palette of the new version feels much more fitting than the original and, in the context of a more emotionally diverse album, the catharsis it brings is more powerful (especially coming after ‘Strangers’).

Teens of Style might be made up moments from the past, but it more than proves its worth as a cohesive album that is great in its own right.

#car seat headrest #teens of style #review #will toledo #Andrew katz #1 trait danger #sunburned shirts #the drum #something soon #no passion #times to die #strangers #Maud gone #los barrachos #oh starving!#Jacob bloom #monomania #my back is killing me baby #starving while living

8 notes · View notes

writinginstardust · 5 years

Text

Together

Pairing: Finian de Karran de Seel x reader

Request: anonymous asked for Finian x reader

Warnings: sads, bad thoughts?

A/N: Some emotional hurt/comfort and soft stuff at the end because it’s me. It took me a while to figure out a plot for this but then I was really soft one day and this came to mind and here we are

Word Count: 1189

"You would not believe how fine the Jones twins were looking today. I had both of them, both, on my drill squad today and Maker they-" Finian's voice cut off as he noticed the shaking hunched over figure in the middle of the observatory. The image took a minute to compute and he wondered for a second if someone else had found their little secret haven. (Y/N) wasn't the hunched over type. Not normally anyway.

Finian had been best friends with her for years and he could count on one hand the times he'd seen her visibly upset. She was happy by nature, a sarcastic pain-in-the-ass who loved to joke around and never appeared to take life too seriously. Much like him. Of course, being so similar, he was acutely aware of the layers of insecurity, mild trauma, and self-worth issues that lay beneath, but they seldom spoke of it all seriously. Opening up wasn't something either of them enjoyed. Now though, now Finian was beginning to think that they should. Walking in and finding his best friend crying alone was something that didn't sit right with him.

Finian's knee-jerk reaction to an emotionally charged situation was to flee. That or make poorly-timed jokes until the air cleared. But he forced himself to walk into the room and take a seat on the floor beside his friend. A couple of minutes ticked by in silence as Finian struggled to figure out how to do this. He wasn't practised in comforting others, in truth he wasn't much used to receiving any comfort either so he had very little experience to draw on. He'd try though. For the only person who really got him and cared about him, he'd try.

His presence alone seemed to be going some way to help her. Her body had stopped trembling with sobs now at least. A little while longer in companionable silence and Finian sensed she might be ready to talk about it. He still wasn't entirely sure how. This wasn't what he did - talking about feelings, and he wouldn't for most people. (Y/N) wasn't most people though.

"You want to talk?" He hazarded. She shrugged, not looking at him. He didn't look at her too much either. Somehow it was easier to do this that way. The shrug told him enough. Whatever it was hurt her a lot. She was trying to push it deep down. She didn't particularly feel like sharing.

A year ago Finian might have let her leave it at that. He didn't like conversations like this and would be glad for the excuse not to have one. But he knew it wasn't healthy and over the past year he'd grown to care even more about the girl beside him. Too much really. Seeing her upset hurt something inside of him and he wanted to make it better. Needed to make it better. The thought frightened him but he was in too deep without realising and he wasn't going to back out now.

"I can see you're not okay. Talk to me." She sighed.

"Do you ever feel like you're not good enough? Like you might as well not exist and that you could just disappear and no one would even notice or care." Oh she hit the nail right on the head there.

"Honestly, yeah. All the time,” he admitted. “But if it makes you feel better, I can think of at least one person who would care if you disappeared.” He looked over to her smiling, much softer and more genuine than usual and she tried a small smile back. Finian didn’t need to clarify who he meant.

“Thanks,” she whispered, “It does make me feel a bit better actually.” And she meant it. Fin always managed to make her feel better without trying. Even on the edge of an emotional breakdown, his presence kept her from falling apart. But it had been a rough day and she’d not seen him since breakfast so now they were left picking up the pieces.

Finian's suit whirred and clicked after a couple of minutes sat in silence as he hesitantly lifted his arm to wrap around her shoulders. She leaned into him instinctively, heart hammering. They didn’t usually hug, didn’t usually do the soft comfort thing, didn’t usually let too much emotion into their words or actions. This was a weighted move and she wasn’t sure what it meant for them. She knew what she wanted it to mean.

“I wonder if there’s even any point trying anymore,” (Y/N) sighed after a few more minutes. “It feels like whatever I do, it’s never enough. I want to do something that matters but I’m never going to because even my best isn’t good enough. It doesn’t matter. I don’t matter.”

Finian stilled. It was a stab in the chest to hear those words from her. How could she ever think she didn’t matter? She mattered more than anyone in the entire galaxy, to him at least. Maybe it was about time he told her.

“You matter to me.” It was barely a whisper, his body freaking out and trying to stop the words before they escaped. This went against everything he usually was to say it, the admission tearing through the iron walls he’d built around his heart in an attempt to protect himself. He knew (Y/N) had her own walls, knew they were strong and fortified, but he hoped anyway. Maybe she wouldn’t let the words reach her, maybe she would. Maker, he hoped she would. She deserved to know some sort of love and affection in this messed up life. He looked over to her. She turned towards him, looking up at him with teary eyes.

There was a weak smile on her face and Finian was transfixed. A soft glow drenched her skin, starlight twinkling in the reflection of her eyes. Objectively she was a mess. Tears coating her cheeks, nose threatening to run, hair mussed by her hands. Still, face open and raw with emotion, Finian thought she was beautiful. He might regret his next move but he was off-balance in the wake of their heart-to-heart and the tight hold he usually kept on the impulse loosened. He kissed her. She kissed him back. Lips moved softly, tentatively, adoringly, the kiss completely unexpected but wondrous. She pulled back, eyes shut, lips lingering near his as she spoke.

“Thank you.” It was choked, forced, the words catching in her throat on a bubble of emotion she usually fought back, “for everything.” She tucked her head into his shoulder, flicking her eyes back to the stars outside the window. There was nothing left to say, everything they needed to know easily read from each other’s bodies, so they sat and watched the stars in silence. Things were changing between them but fundamentally everything was the same. Without the walls keeping their emotions in check they were confronted with a truth so basic and solid it seemed ridiculous they’d never noticed it before. They loved each other. They needed each other. Together they could face anything.

Tag Lists: (send an ask if you want to be added!)

Everything: @wonderfilledness @writingbychelle @ad-astraaaa

Aurora Cycle: @aurising

#aurora rising #aurora cycle #finian de karran de seel #finian de karran de seel x reader #finian de karran de seel x you #finian de karran de seel imagine #finian de karran de seel fanfic #aurora rising imagine #aurora rising fanfic #aurora cycle imagine #aurora cycle fanfic #reader insert

34 notes · View notes

greatfay · 4 years

Note

The fosters 😏

Ohhhhhh my godddddddd I’m gonna diiiiiie. Ok let the memories resurface, this may take a minute.

my all-time ultimate fave character:

Stef. I just really liked her arcs, how straight forward she is, etc. Classic ISTJ tbh... cautious, reserved, protective, methodical, quietly affectionate. Like at the end of the day, I think she’s my fave. The kids go through so much ups and downs and Dumbass Moments that none of them can be my fave, and Lena is a close second but the writers only gave her one strong arc, and that’s when she tried to have a baby and that was so painful.

For several seasons I used to say my fave was Mike because he was Prime Dad Material. Like in the very first episode, he comes off as this douchey, entitled, deadbeat asshole who oversteps boundaries, right? Classic switcheroo. You find out this man is a saint, this man oozes emotional sensitivity and communication and affection, this man is also a dilf with eyelashes longer than should be legal. When he fostered AJ (I’m crying right now). Getting Ana through rehab??? Fighting his own alcohol addiction and not breaking once. Like the only time he ever let me down was his reaction to Dani MOLESTING Brandon, but he realized like whoa wait a minute... Brandon’s been taken advantage of and if Brandon were a girl he would see it different... Like all of Mike’s mistakes were temporary mistakes, he recovered quick and tried to do the right thing. If only his son was as quick on the uptake 😒

a character I didn’t used to like but now do:

Brandon. It took five seasons for me to like Brandon. You know how many seasons this show had? Five. And it’s because he’s pulled through the ringer of Suffering™ and it’s almost ALL his fault so that by the end when he’s doing the right thing again and again for the first time ever... and meets that super sweet girl... and then she DIES

a character I used to like but now don’t:

Jude. He was such an intuitive, intense child, with wisdom earned from awful trauma, and watching him slowly assert himself was a wonder to watch. I do think the writers got lost with him, because his second love interest was a bore, his pothead thing was awful to watch, and when he became a twitch streamer with Taylor—WHAAACK. By the time of Good Trouble (which takes place years after The Fosters, so Jude is a sophomore/junior in college) Jude is drinking a LOT, partying a LOT, and fucking!!! a LOT!! Makes me concerned. Idk, it just felt like he lost his intuition halfway through the show and kept doing dumb stuff.

a character I’m indifferent about:

Every ex of the family lmao, idr them and I was not too fired up about any of them except maybe Emma. Like all of Jesus’ and Brandon’s exes I can’t remember.

a character who deserved better:

I’m just gonna make a list

AJ. Literally just him and Mike are just the cutest because of how earnestly the actor plays AJ, you know I love found family tropes and stuff.

Mat. Such a sweetheart, the most accommodating and supportive boyfriend. So talented. Gorgeous hair. Mariana didn’t deserve him.

Cole. This boy fought SO HARD to be recognized for his gender, organized an LGBTQA prom for all his classmates who were rejected from their school’s prom, had to get hormones off the black market, and was so intuitive and loyal... honestly I loved Cole.

Aaron. SUCH a confusing end. Out of all the love interests, he and Callie popped with the most chemistry. The shared quest, the rides on the motorcycle, pictures at the beach, his great college advice. Their fight at her prom was so left-field and upsetting, and we know it’s because they wanted Callie to be single when the series ended so she could be free to date in Good Trouble. If I’m not mistaken, theirs is the first trans/cis relationship portrayed on network television... ever? And I mean a relationship, not a hook up.

Wyatt. Another sweetheart, what happened between him and Callie wasn’t really about him, it was about her and it was definitely about legal issues, and she was right to set her boundaries, but ouch that hurt. Gorgeous hair.

Notice how most of this list either dated Callie or crushed on her lmao except for Mat. Also

Rita. The woman lives and breathes childcare and youth advocacy. Let her win.

DAPHNE KEENE. She had her daughter with her in the series finale but I haven’t heard mention of her yet in Good Trouble, she’d better have custody and a job salary over 70k for what this show put her through.

EMMA. This poor girl was practically torn in two between the twins, from Jesus’ messy/horny ass to Mariana’s bossy controlling ass. She should be president.

a ship I’ve never been able to get into:

Most of Jesus’ relationships. He’s a fuck up so all of them are basically waiting for a train wreck. His most healthy one was with Emma, who was too good for him, and the one with most chemistry was with Lexi, but she was messy af too so that wasn’t going to work.

a ship I’ve never been able to get over:

Jude/Connor. It sailed and sunk in two minutes. So apparently, Jude/Connor have the youngest LGBT kiss shown on television. This show really made history, huh. They were adorable, they literally struggled to be a couple (since Connor’s dad is homophobic) and then after being a couple for like 2 episodes, Connor’s dad walking in on them kissing and basically blowing up was so traumatizing for the kid that he moved in with his mom in LA to get away from him. They try to do the long distance thing but they're middle schoolers... and it’s their first relationship each... and both of them are just now figuring out that they’re gay. it doesn’t work out. Would love for Connor to come back in Good Trouble and try to woo Jude or something (cuz Jude...???? he’s just FUCKING... ALL the time. Like one second he’s the adorable 12-year-old you just want to shield from the world, and then it’s like TIME SKIP, he’s a college frat boy now and he fucks “straight” boys every weekend).

a cute, low-key ship:

Lol this show didn’t do low-key ships, everything was loud.

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it:

Stef/Lena; because they’re the main couple on the show and yet we as the audience forget that they’re even an option as an OTP. These two are marriage goals. They fight, they argue, they have conflicting viewpoints, but they always sit down and talk at the end of the day, and they pull it together because of their love for the kids and each other. I live for them, I seriously wanted them to adopt me. I’d cook for the family so they would be an ounce less stressed. They’re such great moms and they try SO hard to be there for the kids, who each come with truckloads of baggage and problems all befitting network TV teen drama protagonists.

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened:

BRALLIE. They’re SIBLINGSSSS AHHHH. “But they’re foster siblings” I DON’T CARE. This is not a damn Victorian novel, it’s gross. Maybe in season 1 it wasn’t as bad since Callie had zero intentions of staying with the Adams-Fosters family and was used to being bounced around in foster care, but after bonding with them all and truly believing they wanted her, season 2 onward Brallie disgusts me.

Mariana/Nick. Let’s talk about his actor for a second. Louis Hunter played a teenager in The Secret Circle back in 2011 (don’t @ me but I loved that show) and guess what, friends, he was TOO FUCKING OLD to play a teenager THEN. That opinion stands 7 years later. An absolute creep who traumatized Mariana, the girl had to go to THERAPY. She went to THERAPY because of him.

Lena/Monte. UGHHHHHHHHh this made me so mad. Monte was being so gross and inappropriate, like not only is Lena her employee/subordinate... but Lena is a WOMAN. She’s grown as hell and confident in her identity and has a whole ass wife (a WIFE) and a family to take care of, and here comes Monte with her weird ass flirtations and stuff. She could NEVER. Lena is a goddess and Monte but an ant crawling on the sidewalk outside her temple.

my favourite storyline/moment:

When Stef confronted her internalized homophobia and misogyny during his breast cancer scare and she cut her hair to symbolize her ownership of her femininity. That was POWERFUL. Stef actually had so many great emotional arcs throughout the show; losing her father (who never really “got” her “lesbianism”), her mother’s breast cancer scare, HER breast cancer scare, her fight to become a detective, maybe it’s Teri Polo but Stef is such a stand-up, rigid character with such a strong moral center that watching her trudge through emotional trauma every gd episode was riveting.

Jude’s selective mutism. I remember this out of nowhere, but Jude went mute?? And he had to see a therapist, who deduced his problem and attributed it to an anxiety disorder and advised the family not to stress him out or pressure him to talk, and he went like this for a couple episodes. Like this boy went through so much trauma that it took like one thing, one little thing, to make him shut down. And Callie like patiently waiting for him to speak, and then her seeing her rapist and the only person she wanted to talk to about it was her little brother and he still wouldn’t talk, he just sits there playing video games, and she sends him a message on Xbox Live saying ‘Please talk to me’ and he ignores it then she sends another message “I saw Liam today” and he just looks at her as tears are falling down her face and places his hand on her arm in support. I. CRIED. Even after that moment, like in the next episode he’s still mute and Callie reminds him again that he’s been so strong compared to her that he’s “due for a breakdown” and not to feel any pressure to talk before he’s ready, and they fucking plant flowers together for Lena (I’m covering my mouth with one hand to keep from crying, I’m getting old feels. Remember when we used to say ‘feels’?). Ok I’m done.

Ok the storyline where Brandon is caught cheating for people on the SATs and won’t be able to go to Juilliard was POWERFUL. I loved that Brandon and Lena had a lot of bonding moments, and Lena was honest with Brandon in a way no one else was, she was like these are the consequences of your actions. You had decisions to make and you made the bad decisions every time, and now you’re here. Remember when you selling fake IDs for that dealer ended with your hand getting smashed so you can’t play classical music any more? Did you learn from that? Clearly not. POWERFUL. Lena scalped me on that day.

a storyline that never should have been written:

Most of Brandon’s storylines lmao. Him selling the fake IDs, him taking SATs for other students, him dating that 21+ woman with a kid and deciding he has to drop out of school and get a full time job to take care of her??? I love how Stef had to pull him aside and tell him “You’re Captain Save-A-Ho! And I know this because you got your Save-A-Ho gene from me!!” Brandon was MESSY. Despite being the typically “boring” of the kids in that he didn’t party or drink, he had interest in typical teen stuff, he was also impulsive in the worst way with his relationships and would get tunnel vision. Remember when Stef and Lena had to pull a restraining on Brandon for Callie??? My godddddd, a MESS. We’re not going to talk about how he finally fell in love with the right girl and she fucking dies.

BRALLIE. That bit where Callie didn’t think she was getting adopted so she FUCKS BRANDON, I’M NOT OVER IT. AHHHH.

Jude becoming a pothead. It was really dumb. I’d have been happier if the focus was on his anxiety and how it helped him.

Everything Monte related.

The time Jude downloaded Grindr and met up with a guy in his motel room?? And the guy was a grown man?? And of course he freaks out because Jude is a kid and tells him to gtfo??? That made me SOOOOO uncomfortable, which is why I hated it. BUT, I liked how the moms handled it, because obviously he’s a boy who’s curious and he’s surrounded by other kids—especially his four siblings with their tumultuous whirlwind of relationships—who are constantly making out with this person and hooking up with that person, and because he’s gay... and has this limited dating pool... and his first love moved to another fucking city to escape his homophobic dad... how does he get to explore his sexuality? who does he get to kiss at a party? This was so relatable, so many lgbtqa youth deal with this everyday, this sort of social pressure and FOMO as the cis straight kids around us are hitting all these romantic and sexual milestones while we’re sitting on an island. And obviously Stef and Lena sympathize, but then empathize how incredibly dangerous it was because Jude could’ve gotten hurt, there are guys out there who could do terrible things to him and he has to think these things through, not to mention the guy in question could’ve been just a normal dude trying to get it on and that he was put in danger—and this was the same season that explores how Jesus and Mariana’s birth father ended up on the sex offenders’ registry. It was handled well but remembering this storyline gives me anxiety.

The Jack storyline. I forgot this kid’s name and what happened to him so I had to peruse the wiki and I fell down a rabbit hole. Basically, this is a kid who was in a privatized group home, during a season in which Callie does volunteer work with a woman, Justina Marks, who is trying to pass a bill to reform child social services—only to discover that she wants to privatized the foster system to make money off of them, which of course makes Callie like do a BUNCH of risky stupid shit to take her down. So Jack gets temporarily moved into the Adams-Fosters home, proving to be a very quirky, quiet, sensitive boy, he kisses Jude after Jude’s breakup with Connor? Then reveals he’s not actually gay, he just wanted Jude to be happy? And it’s really fucking sad because he has this bleeding heart and this need to make everyone around him happy because he sees himself as this burden. Then he gets placed into a new foster home, despite Stef and Lena wanting to keep him around... and he gets put in the same foster home with the same man who abused Jude in the show’s pilot—and like the inciting incident for the show itself (Callie destroying his car to distract him from beating her brother > her going to juvie > her getting beat up in juvie > Lena seeing this poor bruised up girl and thinking “she’s my daughter now”). So Jack ends up being fostered by the horrible, abusive man who should never have been allowed to be within feet of a child again, and Stef just so happens to be one of the officers nearby when a domestic disturbance is called in, and when she arrives at the house with her partner she’s like “bruh I know this house” and when she goes into the kitchen she steps on something: a pair of glasses. Whose glasses???

JACK’S. And she quietly lays a sheet over his dead body. His foster father, who’d already been arrested once for beating Jude, shot him in a drunken rage. And CALLIE LATER FINDS OUT JuSTINA MARKS SET IT UP TO USE AS HER FACE CASE IN SUPPORT OF HER BILL.

my first thoughts on the show:

Literally the first time I heard the theme song when I randomly decided to watch it on Netflix in like 2014 (2015? I can’t remember, I don’t think season 3 was out at that point so it might’ve been 2014) I was like oh this is going to be the crying show.

my thoughts now:

I was right. I would not rewatch this show lmao, but I’m fond of it. I did randomly decide to start watching Good Trouble and surprisingly I like it and I missed the characters. I can look back and appreciate how this show handled a lot of tender topics as tastefully as they could, and examine them from a lot of different angles.

Ask me about a tv show/movie/franchise/book!

#the fosters #i might've misremembered some things so correct me if i'm wrong #whatlovelybooks

4 notes · View notes

kaiju-z · 5 years

Text

Seon Adventures - Episode 4, “The Road to Rorum”

We continue our adventure a little early, (last night, the 12th of December, 2018)

Quick Flashback to the first night in Victrum:

Following the moderately peaceful first evening in Victrum, the party went to get their sleep on. Luck had a dream. A Secret Chat level dream.

The following day, the party reconvenes over breakfast, skillfully made by Belli, in The Merry Flutist Tavern. SHE NAT 20 CRITS ON CLEANING THE KITCHEN, OK?! BELLI RULES THE KITCHEN WITH A BARDIC FIST OF AWESOME! And gets some copper for her work from Nelatha, the Half-Elven woman Amelia spent some time with.

“If you’re going to eat somewhere, you’ll eat there too.” – Words to live by, from Belli.

After finishing his conversation with Gorruk, Mournimar finds out that Peppery Peter’s got a shop in Victrum, as well as in Bavorum and visits said shop. (We all stan one (1) Gnome artificer(?!)) And Mournimar gets himself a coke. He also learns about a potion of “All kind”, which gives the user some attributes of a different race. As well as of a Purple potion, that can make someone dance until they tire out and fall asleep.

Meanwhile, Belli is performing with her new kazoo atop a box, having gathered a crowd. An Half-Orc man and two halflings are giving her the stink eye. The HOM claims that Belli is stealing their show and I do believe this is when a rivalry is born between Belli and the performers, who we later learn are part of an acting troupe.

Luck and Amelia, in the crowd, hold a bit of a conversation and Luck is surprised that Mournimar had a nervous breakdown in Bavorum, when he and Belli seperated. Amelia is taken aback by Luck referring to Mournimar as a “demon” and with a good amount of insight can tell that Luck isn’t doing so well, emotionally.

Mournimar and Burk, who had been going around town in the meanwhile, soon join the crowd and Mournimar is proud of Belli’s performance (Belli, slowly getting distressed over her attempts with the new kazoo)!

Now, together again, the party decides to ultimately continue on their journey to Menum. They have a cult to stop, after all. Before they can go, however, Mournimar leaves a note for a sleeping Gorruk in his little brother Darrok’s keep, while Luck gets free milk and pays for it anyways (He wanted to give a confidence boost to Darrok).

Amelia and Burk pick flowers. It’s nice.

Then everyone goes to the Merry Flutist again and Burk has a snack, while Belli starts making her way towards the trio from earlier.

Amelia and Nelatha share a moment, Amelia giving Nelatha flowers, before getting a kiss from the half-elven woman. (AWWWWWWWWW!)

Belli gets into an argument with the performers, with Luck and Mournimar at her sides. They only now notice more people at the table. An Water Genasi and an Elven woman.

- Half-Orc’s name is Saruk.

- Luck commits a fo-pa again.

- Water Genasi is Aecor.

- Halflings are Odyn and Sanys.

- Elven woman is named Keythora.

After some shenanigans and misunderstandings, we learn about the acting gig.

The Water Genasi is a director and his people are doing a play about the worshipped gods in the continent. But they have no experience with fight scenes and he wants to hire the party to train them for their show.

After more shenanigans, as well as one hell of a kazoo performance by Belli, thanks to a pep talk by Mournimar, which earns Belli a round of applause, (Belli does not appreciate the people, who cut off her show earlier) everyone agrees and after a merciful training session with advantage (God, the first halfo f the session I was rolling so low ; u ; ) our 5 heroes get 5 gold coins each for their work.

The party, except Belli, make friends with the actors and headfor the stables, so they can continue their journey. Belli made Kevin and Killer suits. But Killer is not amused. Burk feeds his flowers to Killer. Luck is just smirking at the horses.

Mournimar and Luck take the to the coachman’s seat. And Mournimar nat 19′s his animal check. Way to go MarMar <3

Amelia keeps a careful eye out, while they travel, but on the evening of their travel, they decide to make camp and sadly, don’t hide their carriage well.

Burk takes the first 3 hour shift and finds a stone structure. After his watch is done, he wakes Luck up to take the 2nd shift and, instead of going to bed immediatelly, finds a shrine to a forbidden god. He makes an offering of the minotaur’s horn and prays for revenge. Then sleeps and has a flashback to his backstory, which has evident discomfort.

Nothing interesting happens during Luck’s shift. Amelia’s shift has her feel watched. “Whack.” As Amelia put it the following day, when everyone was awake and breakfasting. She heard crunching of leaves, someone moving away from them that night.

Belli makes killer pbj sandwiches.

After asking about Amelia’s night watch, Luck investigates and finds a purse with two gold coins. He keeps the coins, but hands Belli the pouch and once they’re done eating, they continue on their journey.

Over the next day of watches, Amelia and Luck feel something watching the party and they hear it leave. During Luck’s watch, he can see the grass press in and keeps his sword unsheathed, in case they end up in danger.

The following morning, Burk leads Mournimar and Luck on a search through the forest for the owner of said tracks and they find a campfire. And a rock with a smiley face drawn on it, which Luck picks up). Thanks to Mournimar, they learn that the camp’s fire was magical, when it was aflame.

The trio head back to their camp, as that is where the tracks are leading.

Amelia gets that familiar feeling from the past two nights and tries to shield a shaking Belli. Someone drops a rock with a note, in Orcish, to the girls’ feet as the boys rejoin them.

Belli reads the note: “Go home. F. N.” and that triggers negative emotions in Belli, who has to be restrained from hurting her knuckles on the carriage.She shouts the name “Ficus”, from atop the carriage, demanding he show himself, to no avail.

We learn of Belli’s connection to Ficus. Belli’s older brother, who abandoned the family long ago. Burk makes a wise saying happen.

The party learns that Belli can’t even go home, because something had happened.

Then, Belli runs away, going invisible, followed by Luck and Mournimar, who chase after her, trying to stop her.

They eventually catch up to her and Belli shares her backstory with Mournimar, while Luck pretends he’s not hearing their conversation. (Seeing as this doesn’t unfold in the Secret Room, i think I can revela it here???)

When Belli was 12, the family was in the forest. Their wagon broke, Belli was sent to town, on the way someone needed help. She helped. She returned the next morning…. – Her family turned to stone. She broke the stone by accident, while trying to move them. She broke her mom.

Mournimar gives the ultimate pep talk to a distraught Belli and the two hug it out. Ficus is unaware of what happened to their family. Once everyone is back together again, Burk asks about Ficus’ profession, since he is a practitioner of magic, clearly from how things went. But Belli doesn’t know.

Everyone finally arrives in Rorum, port town in the country of Erelmia. There are three taverns n the town. “The Busty Wench”, an Hooters-esque establishment; “The Honorable Crow”, a more sailor-friendly place; and the “Port Bow”, a more swanky establishment, where Burk is not allowed to go.

The boys end up going to The Honorable Crow, while the girls go to The Busty Wench.

Belli gets harrassed, mistaken for a working girl, by an older man. The girls leave.

Meanwhile, Mournimar pulls Luck aside and shares with him his own tragic backstory. (This one happened in Secret chat, so my word is my boon, sorry yo).

After an awkward hug by Luck, the duo sit with Burk and are greeted by the twin Goliaths “Stan and Stan”. Together they STAN!!! (This broke Burk’s player).

The girls join the boys in the Crow, right after they ordered their respective drinks (a glass of whiskey for Luck and a bottle of brandy for Mournimar). MarMar then learns about what happened with Belli and dashes off towards The Busty Wench with Amelia, having downed the whole bottle of brandy like a champ.

While they put the fear of god in the old man (Amelia even collects one of his teeth, holy shit!), Belli gets drunk, downing a whole bottle of whiskey, barfs and goes down for the count. There is some Orc solidarity between her and another patron in the tavern. “Vive la Orcs!” indeed.

Once everyone is back together again, Luck helps Belli up and they rent two rooms, one for the girls, one for the boys.

After Luck writes down the past few days in his journal, everyone but Amelia goes to sleep, with Luck and Burk each having dreams about their backstories. Marmar is tired af and is starting to regred his decision to share his backstory with Luck. Belli sleep kazoos.

Amelia goes to the Port Bow and does a backstory Secret Chat thing, which earns everyone a chance to travel by sea to cut down their travel days some. Kevin and Killer included!

The girls cuddle, once Amelia returns to the room. Sweethearts ; u ;

Belli wakes up in the morning, hella hangover, but otherwise, ok.

And that is how the session ends. Again, no fighting, but we did get to explore the character dynamic and relationships, as well as get some tasty backstory stuff, accidental and otherwise. I am excited for next session, which I guess will be in the start of 2019 /o/

Previous Episode / Next Episode

10 notes · View notes