#truly if i don't say that when we pass a sign i am doing BAD
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Hey babe, are you okay? You didn't even say "yeah I sure hope it does" when we passed the road work ahead sign
#dumb jokes#road work ahead#yeah i sure hope it does#truly if i don't say that when we pass a sign i am doing BAD#i do it every time without fail
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Day 7: Aphrodisiacs with Jisung
Wordcount — 5,144 words
Includes — Use of aphrodisiacs (their effects might be exaggerated for the fics' purpose, haha). Best friend!Jisung, perv!Jisung, conversation about sexual topics and mentions of sexual fantasies, dirty talk, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, fantasies of free use in the end.
Author's Note — Yeah I don't know what happened with the wordcount. Let's pretend I'm actually not a sucker for Han, but really... This was a special occasion haha. Please remember that english is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any grammar/spelling mistakes!
They weren't supposed to work.
Or at least that much you thought, underestimating the cheap candies once you bought them at a local sex-shop, with no hopes whatsoever that you were spending your money on quality products.
“I can assure you this is a waste of time,” you had told Jisung when you perceived him reluctant to follow your silly plan. “But we have nothing else to do, so we might just give it a try”.
“Can't believe you spent money on this,” he sighed, shaking his head while he saw you going through all the flavors you had bought. “I am telling you, they are a scam”.
“Well I got them already,” you huffed, almost giving up on convincing your best friend to try them out with you. “And I bought so many, so I might as well share them with you”.
“I'll pass,” he rejected you, returning his undivided attention to the screen in front of you. “You don't even know what they are made of, we might as well catch some stomach virus or something”.
“Is that it?” you asked him with a taunting grimace. “Or are you scared about the idea of them actually working?”
“Come on,” he scoffed, avoiding the intense gaze staring at him. “You know they are bullshit”.
“So have one,” you insisted, bringing the citrus flavored candy to him. “If they are bullshit, they won't work”.
He looked at you and then at the candy, intriguingly resting on top of your palm. In reality, he did think those products were a scam —they were nothing but a placebo effect. But in the back of his mind, he knew the possibility of them working was there.
And really, what would he do if the aphrodisiacs actually affected him? Even worse, what would he do if the aphrodisiacs affected him while being with you?
Jisung would never say such things out loud, mostly because he is ashamed of what goes on in his head, but he was truly afraid that the aphrodisiacs unleashed that part of him that he had tried hard to repress.
“What’s in it for me?”
Typical Jisung.
“I’ll do your laundry,” you proposed, but he didn’t seem too invested. “For the rest of the year”.
It was a good deal, he couldn't lie.
“All my laundry?” he asked, cocking eyebrows. “Socks, underwear and everything?”
“All,” you nodded. “Up until December 31st”.
Jisung hesitated, but he finally reached out to grab the cherry flavored sweet.
“How long does it take to kick in?” he asked you, fingers ripping the package open.
“25 minutes?” you replied, turning the candy wrap to see if the back of it had any helpful information. “I’m not too sure, I think that’s what the lady at the sexshop told me”.
He nodded and ate the sweet in one bite, chewing it slowly. “It doesn’t taste as bad as I thought,” he murmured, “I mean, it’s not the best, but it’s savory”.
“Yeah, this isn’t bad either,” you said. “I’m pretty sure the citrus one is going to taste way better though”.
Jisung scoffed. “How many flavors did you buy?”
“All the flavors there were”.
After 30 minutes and no signs of any kind of effects from the aphrodisiacs, fully convinced that they were not going to work, you and Jisung managed to empty the plastic bag full of colorful candy.
At first, you were both hyper-alert to see if you could spot any weird feelings or sensations —a slight chill and a faint tingling sensation on your legs were pretty much all you felt throughout the waiting time, but it wasn’t anything out of this world and, at moments, you and Jisung even believed it was part of the placebo effect.
Fools.
“I’m so pissed,” you exclaimed, chewing on the last peach flavored candy. “I knew they weren’t going to work, but it would’ve been fun if they did”.
For Jisung, it would’ve been everything but fun.
“It’s almost like you have never been aroused, ever,” he mumbled with sarcasm. Why were you so invested in aphrodisiacs, Jisung wonders? It’s not like you haven’t experienced real arousal before.
“Yeah but aphrodisiacs don’t work just for that,” you explained. “Apparently they make you more sensitive, and everything feels ten times more intense. I don’t know, I saw a video a while ago and I haven’t stopped thinking about it ever since”.
Jisung wanted to ask what kind of video you were talking about, but he stopped himself —for his own sake, it was best to not know. Otherwise, if you were to tell him that you actively watch porn in your room, he would have ended up jerking off to that very thought that night.
“Well,” your best friend murmured. “At least they were good”.
“At least,” you sighed.
And that sigh was followed by a comfortable silence that dawned upon the both of you, the only sounds flooding the living room coming from the movie Jisung chose for the night. A comfortable silence that was interrupted by your sudden need to tell your best friend all about that clip you watched.
“The girl in the video came like… 3 times in less than 10 minutes,” you spat, recalling the aphrodisiacs video you found on twitter not too long ago. “It was in another language so I couldn’t understand a thing, but it seemed fun”.
When you said that, Jisung felt a pang on his cock. It was too quick, too faint and almost imperceptible, but he blamed it on your words —there was no way on earth it was anything else but your voice saying such a thing.
“I felt pure envy,” you murmured, laughing. “She was lost in her own world, squirting and coming over and over again until her legs were shaking. I've never experienced that, so I thought about trying aphrodisiacs”.
“What would you do if they had worked?” Jisung asked you, not daring to make eye contact with you.
“Shit,” you sighed, amused by the thought. “I don’t know. Probably lock myself up in my room and just- I don’t have someone in mind who I would call in times like these, if that’s what you are asking”.
“That’s not what I asked,” Jisung shook his head, swallowing thickly when he felt as if you had discovered his intentions. “I was just curious”.
“What would you do if the aphrodisiacs had worked?”
Jisung didn’t really want to know.
Without aphrodisiacs, he was the horniest, neediest and desperate person he had ever met. He was the type to get hard at anything, especially by you.
And that was something that truly haunted him —you could be doing the most trivial, innocent things and his cock would find a way to get hard inside his pants.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I didn’t think about it, I wasn't even hopeful that they would work”.
“Well, think about it,” you told him, tilting your head. “How do you think you would act if you were stupidly aroused?”.
Jisung didn’t need to think about it because he knew the answer.
With or without aphrodisiacs, he jerked off at least 2 times a day —when he woke up or took a shower, and right before going to bed. Not only did he do it to relieve some tension or stress, but because he was always turned on. And it didn’t matter how many times a day he made himself come, it was never enough.
“Uh…” What was it that you wanted to hear? He could tell you were pushing the topic of conversation, but you didn't seem like you wanted to get anywhere with it. “Jerk off?”
“How many times?”
“God, I-” the questions kept getting more and more ridiculous, but a part of him insisted on giving you a proper answer. He could have stopped the conversation at any given time, really, but he didn’t. “I don’t know”.
Question after question, Jisung started to feel his skin getting hotter. It was almost as if the living room was shrinking in size, leaving him trapped in a small space just with you.
“Well, if the aphrodisiacs had work, I would’ve spent the whole night with my hand inside my underwear,” you scoffed, tilting your head. “Would try and make myself come like the girl on that video”.
When he felt another pang on his cock, way more intense than the last one, he couldn’t ignore it.
“You would?”
Tonight, your words were coming out with no filter. Jisung didn’t need to ask about the video for you to fill him in on what it was about, and he definitely didn’t expect for you to answer bluntly honest to any of his questions.
“Yes,” you sighed. “Fuck I- I even purchased a few toys not too long ago. I haven’t tried them all yet, but I’m planning to. Maybe tonight, or during the weekend when you are not around, I don’t know”.
When you said that, Jisung remembered the package that arrived at your doorstep a few days ago. You weren’t home so he texted you to see if you had purchased anything online, and your reaction was rather strange.
“Leave it in my room,” you had told him over the phone, weirdly nervous for such a trivial thing. “Uh, it’s for… it’s a gift, my friend’s birthday is coming up”.
Not only were you a terrible liar, but Jisung was an exceptional lie detector.
“The package you received on monday?”
It didn’t make any sense how hard you tried to prevent him from snooping through your stuff only to end up admitting what the package was about a couple of days later.
“Yep,” you laughed, pushing a few strands of hair away from your face.
“What kind of toys?”
The idea of you noticing how nosy he was being scared him, but you didn't seem to mind. And because you didn’t seem to mind, he didn’t seem to care —the more you answered, the more he questioned you.
“I bought a dildo, a wand, even some nipple clamps…” you couldn’t recall every single item you had bought online, but that was more than enough of an answer for him. “I tried the dildo already, but I haven’t taken my time with the others”.
The image of you, laying on your back with your legs spread and your hand forcing a dildo inside your cunt was something that he couldn’t let go of that easily.
“What color is it?” Jisung asked you, visibly eager to know such a random fact.
It might’ve been random for anyone, but not for him —if you were giving him the opportunity to lore into your deepest secrets, then he was going to get as many details as possible.
He was much more a detail-oriented person rather than one who took into account the bigger picture.
“A clear one,” you replied. “Transparent. It looks cool”.
He unconsciously stared at your thighs, fantasizing about the image you had engraved into his mind —your hand moving roughly against your pussy, burying the toy deep inside you while you desperately tried to hit that one spot that could assure you the pleasure that the girl in the video was feeling.
He felt bad for even thinking about you that way —you, who had been nothing but a sweet, caring best friend. More often than not, Jisung thought it was inappropriate to have such perverse thoughts about you, especially because you had never done anything for him to think them in the first place.
He might’ve been staring at your thighs for too long, because he didn’t even feel your palm resting on his knee, softly stroking it while your eyes were fixed on such a scene.
“Didn’t think they would kick in, huh?”
When you asked him that, he immediately stared at his crotch, noticing what he had been fearing for all the years he had been living with you.
His first instinct must have been to try to hide his erection with a cushion, or perhaps lean over himself to prevent you from seeing his bulge. But, in the midst of things, Jisung did nothing.
“I didn’t think they would kick either,” you continue without taking his eyes off him.
You were shamelessly staring, and he was shamelessly showing himself off —it was a weird dynamic, but none of you bothered to change anything from it. “But I can feel it now”.
Your nipples were painfully erect underneath your t-shirt, and your cunt was soaking wet to the point that your folds were sticking to your underwear.
“What exactly do you feel?”
Jisung’s question was ambiguous, but it awakened endless responses in you.
“I feel desperate,” you replied, tilting your head at him. “I can’t stop looking at you and wondering how it would feel to have you inside me”.
You didn’t know if it was you or the aphrodisiacs talking, but those were thoughts you already had prior to that day. Maybe the candies gave you the courage to say so out loud, but your attraction towards Jisung was definitely not a product of the whole situation.
“How do you think it would feel?”
Your hand was still on his knee and your eyes were fixed on his crotch, his words looping in your brain while you tried to explain yourself.
“Good,” you barely managed to say, feeling the skin on your palm burning because of the contact. “Feel like- you can fill me up real good. Even better than the dildo I bought”.
“It doesn’t feel as good as the real thing?”
“Nu-huh,” you replied, shaking your head. “Bet you would feel a thousand times better”.
“Me?” he asked you, luring you into saying something else so he could act on it.
“Yeah,” you replied. “When was the last time you fucked?”
The question took him by surprise, but he still answered it.
“3 or 4 months?” He exhaled, licking his lips while feeling your touch going higher and higher on his thigh. “I- don’t know. I’ve been busy these days”.
“That’s a lot of time,” you purred, gripping his thigh softly. “Aren’t you stressed?”
You were practically putting yourself on a silver trail for him, and Jisung liked that as much as he hated it —on one side, his cock was twitching in excitement for the possiblity of being able to fuck you, the main character of his wet dreams; on the other, he hated how shy he was acting. Up until that point, Jisung was sure he was giving you the wrong impression.
“Where are we going with this?” he asked you, out of the blue. It had been minutes of teasing and beating about the bush —you were provoking him to do something, but it seemed as if that was the only initiative you were willing to take.
“The aphrodisiacs worked on us,” you spat, as if the elephant in the room wasn’t obvious. “And we are here, we both need- I think we need each other, and-”.
“You want me to fuck you?” Jisung’s heavy breathing and your loud heartbeats resonated through the living room, even while the movie was still playing in the background. It was a risky move, but he knew you were not going to reject him.
You definitely wouldn’t.
“Yes, but I don’t think we should,” you sighed, followed by a frustrated groan. “Fuck, I can’t- think straight”.
Perfect.
He copied your actions and placed one of his hands against your thigh, the warmth of your skin burning his palm.
“We don’t have to talk about this,” he proposed. “Hm? What do you think?”
“I can’t just not think about it,” you murmured, half-lidded gaze making eye contact with him. “I’m not scared about things getting awkward between us- I’m scared of not being able to stop”.
“What do you mean?”
“Like,” you let out another frustrated groan and shifted your position on the couch to face him. “If we fuck tonight, I’m sure it is going to happen again. And again. And again.”
“And so?”
“We live together” you exhaled, as if the answer wasn’t rather obvious. “It is going to get weird”.
“So you don’t want to, then?” his hand moved from your thigh to your hip, and you melted under his touch.
His hands were big, and somewhat rough, and the fact that he was touching you in places he had never touched before was only making it worse for you to think clearly.
“No, I do want to-” you sighed, hypnotized by his intimidating gaze. “I need you, really need to be fucked”.
“But?”
“But you are my best friend!”
“And you are mine,” he exhaled, murmuring his words with a husky voice. “That doesn’t mean I don’t fantasize about you all the fucking time”.
It was supposed to be a secret but, in the midst of things, Jisung didn’t seem to care about the information going out of his lips.
It was almost as if the aphrodisiacs were some kind of drug that forced you to speak the truth.
“God,” you sighed, pushing your hair back nervously. “You aren’t making this any easier”.
“Why not?” he asked you, dragging his hand from your hip to your waist. “This is kind of your fault”.
The aphrodisiacs.
“What do you suggest, then?” you asked back with a pinch of sarcasm. “You suggest we fuck and then forget all about it?”
“Why not?”
There were a million reasons why that suggestion was anything but right; there were another million other things you two could do to try and ease the aphrodisiac’s effects, yet you knew you needed Jisung more than he needed you. The endless nights of masturbating to the thought of his voice, his hands and him were proof of it.
“Promise we will forget about it?” you queried, melting underneath his touch. “Pretend it never happened and never talk about it?”.
Jisung’s eyes were fixed on your lips, his cock twitching at the idea of getting to feel them against his.
“I can’t promise you that,” he whispered, voice turning deeper the more aroused he got. “I don’t think I could ever forget how it feels to be inside you”.
You closed your eyes in defeat, blaming the aphrodisiacs for not allowing you to think logically.
But really, what else could you do if not give in? The mere touch of his hand was burning against your skin, you felt tingles all over your body and the way he whispered those dirty words got you wondering what he would sound like while fucking you.
“Don’t think I could ever forget how pretty you look while having my cock inside you,” he murmured, lips approaching yours.
Jisung knew it was only the beginning. The more he talked, the more your body reacted, and he couldn’t ignore how you squeezed your thighs together every time he said something dirty.
“Best friends do this kind of stuff all the time, anyways,” he murmured against your lips, too close to feel his breath caressing your face, yet too far to be able to taste him for the first time, ever. “Okay?”
Okay.
You didn’t answer, but you didn’t need to —your lips were already pressed together, parting them ever so slightly so that your tongue could meet his. You've kissed many lips before, yet none of them felt like Jisung's did —they were wet, and bold, and they tasted oh so good that you craved to kiss him more, even when you were already doing so.
It was just a kiss, yet your body reacted as if it was something else. Your hips were grinding unconsciously against his touch, your clit was aching to be played with and your nipples were poking through your shirt, begging for his attention.
“Fuck,” you whispered in between kisses, a few beads of sweat forming on your forehead and nape. “It feels so weird”.
More than feeling weird, Jisung felt pain. His cock was so hard it hurt, and he seemed too desperate to take off his clothes.
“Can’t fucking wait,” he groaned, trembling hands finding the hems of your shorts. “Please let me- Want to know how badly you want me”.
His fingers slipped inside the elastic of your bottoms, guiding them expertly to that one place he was dying to explore. He needed to feel your warmth, to be sure that your body reacted the same way he did.
“Don’t tease me,” you swallowed thickly, eyes fixed on the veins of his hand and arm. The cold rings on his fingers made you shiver, and the anticipation of getting to feel his touch somewhere he hadn’t touched before made your heart skip a beat. “Please”.
“The fact that I’m your best friend doesn’t matter anymore, hm?” he scoffed with cockiness, the tip of his middle and ring fingers pressing against your swollen clit on top of your dampened underwear.
“Shit,” you sighed again, rolling your hips against his hand.
You were much more sensitive than usual, and Jisung wondered if you had always been this way or was it just the aphrodisiacs’ effect.
“So wet,” he groaned, tracing your clothed slit. “Just like I’ve always imagined”.
Perhaps it wasn’t much of a secret that Jisund dreamt about fucking you for as long as he can remember —you clearly recalled a few times you caught him staring at you in an odd way. But the possibility of him being attracted to you wasn’t as arousing as him actually telling you all the filthy and perverse things he thought about you, even while you weren’t aware of it.
“What else have you imagined?” you asked him, desperate to get rid of your clothes. “Want to know all of it”.
Jisung licked his lips while he stared at you undressing for him, exposing yourself completely to him for the very first time.
And definitely not the last one.
He stared at your breasts for what felt like ages, before he caught a glimpse of your glistening, swollen cunt that was asking for him to use it.
“You,” he murmured in awe, his cock leaking precum and staining his pants and underwear. “Sucking me off, letting me come inside your mouth”.
“What else?”
You’ve always been a sucker for dirty talking, but hearing him saying all those things was completely different from what you were used to.
“Fucking you raw,” he continued, feeling his skin burning when your hands desperately reached for the hems of his shirt and helped him get it off. “Getting to come inside you a couple of times a day, watch my cum leaking out of your pussy while you thank me for it”.
When your hands sneaked inside his pants and touched his hard bulge without a warning, Jisung bucked his hips against you.
The aphrodisiacs did wonders on turning you both more sensitive, and you couldn’t figure out if you liked it or hated it.
“Is that what you think when you masturbate?” you asked, stroking his clothed erection. From time to time, Jisung’s hips twitched because of your touch, and he couldn’t help but feel pathetic for being desperate. “Don't think I don't know what you do when you lock yourself in the bathroom for hours”.
“Would that satisfy you?” he panted, breath hitching every time you squeezed his cock a bit too rough. “To know that I jerk off thinking about fucking you at all times?”
“Mhm,” you sighed, feeling your cunt clenching around thin air while you stroke him off. “And I can’t wait for you to actually do it”.
“Are you always this desperate?” he hissed, lowering his pants to reveal his hard, veiny cock. He wrapped his hand around the tip of it and smeared the precum all along it, moaning for you while doing so. “Or are the aphrodisiacs talking?”
“Both,” you admitted, eyes fixed on the way he played with his dick. “I’m always aroused but this- just made it worse”.
“And have you ever thought about me this way?” he asked again, guiding you to sit on his lap with your cunt aligned with the tip of his length.
“Yes,” you bit your lip, rolling your hips against his while your own fluids lubricated his cock. “It’s not- It’s just not the aphrodisiacs, I do want you. I’ve always wanted to feel you”.
Jisung traced your slit with two of his fingers, getting them all wet and slippery while your body trembled on top of him, “Yeah?”.
Before you could reply, Jisung lifted his hips so that his cock could enter you deep; the stretch was so sudden that it made you gasp, and the way your walls clenched around him almost aggressively at the unexpected stimuli made him groan loudly.
“G-god!” you cried, breath getting caught up in your throat the more he bottomed out.
“This is what I feel like,” he hissed with a shaky voice, too lost into watching you falling apart on top of him. “Don’t need to imagine it anymore”.
You bent forward to kiss him while having his cock deep inside you, forcing him to stay like that for a while as you got used to his length. Your lips hungrily attacked his in a sloppy kiss, one who knew neither rhythm nor gentleness —it was like you both were too fucked out now to reciprocate each other’s kiss, but you didn’t care.The messier the kiss was, the more you clenched around him and, although his cock was already inside you, it still hurt.
“Can I fuck you now?” he whimpered in between kisses, his voice sounding unrecognizable to you —the husky, deep tone was long gone and was replaced by a whimpering, desperate one. “Want you to come around my cock”.
You nodded, still with your hands cupping his face and your lips devouring his. After that, Jisung lost no time in starting to move inside you at a slow pace at first, helping you get used to his cock while he deliciously explored your cunt.
His hands grabbed your arse while he fucked your cunt with rough and deep thrusts, letting you feel all of himself inside you.
“Touch yourself for me,” Jisung asked, half-lidded eyes taking in all of the sight in front of him —his cock was going in and out of you with ease, your wetness providing the most delicious friction while your legs trembled in pleasure. “Want to see you playing with yourself while having my cock fucking you”.
He didn’t need to ask you twice before your digits were already rubbing your clit in circular motions, matching the same pace his thrusts had.
“You feel so- hard inside me,” you moaned, struggling to maintain your position while your body threatened to plop down over his. “So fucking g-good”.
“You think your toys will ever feel as good as I do?” he groaned through gritted teeth, the pace of his thrusts becoming sloppier every second that passed by. “Don’t worry, I can take care of you”.
“Shit,” you whispered, closing your eyes when you felt the knot tightening inside your lower abdomen. “No, they don’t- feel as good, no”.
“It’s okay,” Jisung murmured, forcing you to plop down on him while he continued fucking your pussy. “I can be your toy from now on”.
The filthiness in his words were pushing you to the edge, one of your hands grabbing his shoulder for support while the other continued working on your clit, rubbing it sloppily and carelessly with the sole purpose of getting you to come.
“Ji-” you cried, burying your face on the crook of his neck. “Yes- want to fuck your cock more”.
“Yes?” he queried, “Want my cock to be your toy? To be available for you to use whenever you feel like it?”
The thought he just engraved in your mind was the last push you needed to reach your orgasm —thinking about getting fucked by him every time you wanted, in all the different ways you craved, was more than enough to make you come around his cock.
“Coming,” you cried, increasing the movement of your fingers while he did the same. “C-coming, Ji-”.
He fucked you through your orgasm with rough thrusts, making your legs tremble and your eyes roll to the back of your head while you pathetically resented the effects of aphrodisiacs. It felt all more intense, more long-lasting.
“God,” he groaned, hugging you tightly while you trembled on top of him and managing to keep his cock inside you, even while your body spasmed. “You’re going to make me come”.
“P-please,” you murmured quietly, trying hard to overcome the sensations your body was feeling. “Please come”.
He never stopped moving inside you, not even when he was hugging you and keeping you in place. He was just a few seconds away from his orgasm, but he wanted to keep on fucking you for as long as he was able to.
“You want me to be your toy then, huh?” he queried, licking his lips while he swallowed thickly. You nodded against his chest, moaning and crying in overstimulation every time his pubic bone hit your swollen clit. “Then, it’s only fair you get to be my toy too, let me fuck your tight cunt whenever I want”.
“Yes, yes, yes-” with shortness of breath, you agreed to everything Jisung was saying.
And that was not the aphrodisiacs’ fault, but your own.
“Yeah?” Jisung asked, too far gone to think the whole thing through. “I’m going to fuck you all the time, bend you over any surface and use your cunt as I please,” he hissed, feeling chills all over his body while his cock twitched inside you at the idea. “Gonna make you come as much as you ask me to, make a mess- out of you”.
When you cried and begged for him to do exactly that, Jisung couldn’t hold any longer.
“Fuck I- Where do you-?”
“Inside,” you whimpered, straightening your body so you could see his face. “Want it there”.
With sharp, deep thrusts, Jisung milked himself inside you until the last drop. He could even feel your walls squeezing him harshly, almost as if they were begging for more, and it made him feel dizzy.
It was truly something he had never experienced before.
You stared at him while he filled your pussy to the brim, hazy half-lidded eyes looking at you while he tried to stabilize himself.
You both came hard, but it seemed as if the pleasure was elongated. You were both sensitive, and still aroused, and trying to figure out how to describe the experience you just had.
Trying to figure out what happened in the first place.
But it was safe to say that neither of you regretted it. At all.
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Welcome to Hazbin Vale. 3 [Appleradio, Radioapple]
"Good morning to all our dear listeners. Alastor is here to give you the warmest welcome to your favorite radio station. I know you all have great fun around here, I do too! It's nothing but laughter and joy on these parts.
But as part of this valuable medium that we all appreciate even today, on this age of fasting moving and gaudy technology, we must also remember to stay informed! The right kind of informed, where we seek to the truth of the matter without any biases or red tinted sunglasses.
In order to honor that, I bring you a bunch of exciting news. One of them is so important that I have it all on a little envelope with the words "Here. Happy now?" scribbled on top with… just about one of the most hideous handwriting I have ever seen.
I haven't looked at it's interior yet, but it's sitting right at my desk as we speak and I plan to share with all of you. That is the power of journalism in action, dear listener.
Before any of that, though, I would be remiss if I didn't relay to you something that our dear resident Rosie just told me when we were having our weekly breakfast together.
You all remember Rosie, don't you? The lovely, charismatic and oh so charming owner of the chocolate boutique not that far away from our station. It's a beautiful place, but it has always been dragged down by one small issue, one irritating factor that unfortunately ruined the perfect picture.
Unrelated to that, tonight the co-owner of the Chocolate Boutique has passed away. If you ever paid attention to the name on top of the establishment, then you will know who I am talking about. I never did so I don't. I think Rosie call them Claire, I want to say? That is probably close enough.
It was so gruesome too, isn't that funny? Whatever raccoon must have slipped inside of her house at night was truly having a creative mood because they spared no section to decorate it with the insides of Clara. Just not lungs anywhere. I guess that one must have been too tempting to let it go to waste. I can't say that I blame them, good lungs are hard to come by, especially for women that age.
Such a tragedy, listener. Clarissa for years has been the business partner of Rosie. They started it out ten whole years ago, after Rosie was coming out from a particularly bad divorc that later turned out in a rather joyful funeral. Rosie was so focused in trying to get her things sorted out properly that she didn't realize that the term of their contract was giving Clarinette a portion of their earnings that was far bigger she would have liked. But there was nothing to do about it because Clady was the one with the connections, the one who knew the right people and the right numbers to supply for their wonderful treats.
Oh, if only Rosie had found the notebook that she had hiding under her pillow before. It could have save her so many headaches and frustrating nights! Oh, she will insist that they were the best of friends, but you don't do business with friends. You get screwed by them and they expect you to tolerate it with a smiling face. Which Rosie had to do, as the lady that she is, until that raccoon slipped in through the open window in library of the second floor.
Not that me or her would know anything about that though!
In any case, don't bother picking up all the pieces you find. There is no point for her. Claennis already made her bed, so it's only time for her to lay on it. A devastated Rosie informed me that she will be having a party service this afternoon in order to celebrate the life of her death friend, Clarine, and of course everyone is invited to come in. It will also be a sort of re-opening with a new sign outside that contains just her name.
Come enjoy a discount of the 5% on their macaroons, they are absolutely to die for. I recommend the strawberry ones, those are my favorites.
Oh, well. Farewell, Clarisse. We will manage to find the will to keep going with your absense, I am sure of it. Rosie is already taking care of everything you left behind.
She told me that last night when we were having dinner at my house. That was at 20:30, for anyone who cares, around the same time that ravenous raccoon was satisfying it's hunger. Sinking it's teeth on those meaty lungs. Rosie was just telling me how much she loved and respected her friend. Isn't that a espectacular lady, dear listener?
You all know I am not much for parties. I prefer a nice evening with a book and some jazz at my side if I get to choose. But I might make an exception for this one ocassion in order to support a friend. It could be fun! So if any of my dear listener goes, we might shake hands there.
Rosie, dear, if you are hearing, the best of lucks as always.
Meanwhile, I did promised you more than one news today. Here it is. Just let me get that enveloped. I am going to be honest, it's lighter than what I expected, but I am sure that doesn't mean that is any less interesting.
This source of mine is shy, he doesn't like the attention, so he has kindly ask me to keep his name away from crediting for these foundings. He also told me there is nothing too interesting here, but let us be the judges of that.
As many of you would know, on our last transmission I had very valid and justified concerns regarding the identity of our newest resident. In my humble opinion, anyone with two braincells capable of rubbing together would have them too. A rich inventor of toys coming to a small humble little town? Having a daughter? With that stupid perfect hair and that pretentious name? To revive an old and abandoned toy store nobody cared about?
All very suspicious behavior, indeed. I could almost have shivers running down my spine just thinking about it. What could be behind that white smile of his? Drugs? Trafficking? Dog fights?
Maybe trafficked drugged dogs? Oh, listener, I just couldn't dream of letting such a potential dangerous criminal running around in our precious little town. Causing power outages and unwanted static. Not on my watch, no, sir!
So I had someone do a little research. Just to be safe, of course, I would never use it for anything else. That is for the police to care about it. Although why they haven't take care of it now is a valid point of criticism that we aren't indulging in right now. Waste of tax money if I ever saw one.
Wait, shoot, I forgot my glasses. Oh, yes, they there are. Alrighty, let's see.
Name… still the same. Still that joke of a awful name. I guess that makes sense, considering people can just change it. Fine, I will allow it, but what else?
He is a inventor that made a pool able to detect if a kid is drowning and from there is that his fortune started.
Well! There you have it, first strike! What a spoilsport! If parents are not paying attention to their children while they are on the pool, maybe they don't deserve an alarm at all! And with such obviously neglectful parent, those poor children are clearly only going to suffer more in the future! This is doing nothing but prolongue the inevitable. How evil is that?
But wait! He used to have his own toy store back where he comes from. HA! THERE IT IS, I KNEW IT! What happened there, mmm? Did it mysteriously go up in flammes? Did the ensurance company was immediately called, one hand on the phone and the other on the gasoline tank? Was the business not going that hot so you had to turn it up?
It says here that he closed it himself after his wife died. Mmm? Did you now? What happened there, dear old pal? A mysterious disease no doctor could verify? A stabbing on a cold case no one could solve? Did you do it yourself or you paid someone to do it?
Of… pancreatic cancer.
Huh.
Curious. The same thing that took my mother.
God bless her heart, that was 12 years ago. Has it really been that long already? Yes, 12 years.
I still remember how quickly the disease consumed her like it happened just yesterday.
Well, that… is tragic. It says here that after his wife died, he locked himself up on his mansion… did you had to write mansion, couldn't you just say house, who puts mansion in a report… for five months. According to friends of the family, Lucifer just wanted to get out of there as fast as he could before he could do something that he would regret. Maybe getting back to making the toys they both loved would help, he would say to people.
So he picked this town because when pointing at it with eyes closed in a map. It was a complete coincidence that there was a toy store waiting for him at all.
His daughter is named Charlie, is 3 years old and she likes duckies. There is clipping of a picture in which she posed with her dad for an article about some invention of his. I haven't seen her myself yet, but I can see the resemblance. At least we know that we won't ever need a DNA test to prove their relationship.
She has the same big blue eyes. Poor thing.
There is nothing more about her here. I would hope so, with just 3 years on this earth. Not even I would have made a thick report at that age.
There is a picture of the man in front of his new house during moving day. There are surrounded by a bunch of workers moving furniture and boxes. He doesn't look so tiny holding his daughter and smiling to her.
His hair is still so stupid. It's a little messy, some strands are out of place, but still looks… stupidly, ridiculously perfect. I don't trust a man with a hair that can do that.
Not that damn static again. What even is that? Fine, fine! I will put it down now, okay? It's back on the envelope, along with all the completely useless bunch of information. Is it fine now?
Is it?
Good.
But wait, that can't be really it, does it? Just some guy with a tragic backstory? That is it?
Not even a speeding ticket? Some accidental manslaughter? I could even take stealing candy from a baby!
Nothing!
Well, that is no fun! That is just so boring! And here I thought, dear listener, that I was about to make a break through that would be the talk for months to come. But this is so mundane and pathetically sad that now I just feel gross. It's weird, it makes me wish I haven't opened it up at all.
I am so terribly sorry for making you waste your time like this, dear listener. Some gossip has never harmed a fly, but this was maybe a little bit much. I just don't understand why I feel like I want to vomit when seeing this guy. Is my gut wrong? That would be a first.
I guess that goes to show, dear listener: do not trust the media with everything and don't believe everything you hear. Stuff can be a lot more complicated than what they seem at a first glance. Like windows that are opened up at night during pleasant dinners with friends in another house. Or impossibly disgusting shiny hair that doesn't want to keep on place.
My source was the Chief Officer Husk, by the way.
Now, the weather…"
#radioapple#appleradio#duckiedeer#lucifer x alastor#hazbin hotel au#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel lucifer
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I woke up this morning thinking about how,we don't truly know ramuda's lifespan... his metabolism is clearly differdnt than ours because, at this point, eating mostly vandy would get to him in some way. I know health is not always observed in hypmic (i.e. hifumi never realistically having time to sleep, required drinking habits as a host, or how often dostuhon goes out drinking) but with ramuda, it's important, it's aknowledged to some degree
If his body was only meant to sustain itself until he had fulfilled his mission, what would come next? they really wouldn't need him, if the party of words had their way, entirely, if the divisions had torn each other apart and ramuda never diverged from the path they set for him...
So what now? Has loving you really become his purpose?
If he falls in love with somebody, anybody, truly falls in love and let's himself be vulnerable with them... protecting them at all costs would certainly be on his mind. So is this is new mission?
What happens when you die, safely in his arms, maybe of old age. You walked through life hand in hand and he saw to it that you were always safe, always happy. and now you're gone, and now his mission is complete, Maybe he passes away as well.
IS THIS TOO SAD I DON'T KNOW. IS IT EVEN SAD AT ALL IDK. I AM ALSO REALLY NOT VERY ELOQUENT SO SORRY LMAO
NOOOOO THIS IS SO GOOD ANON THIS IS SOOOO GOOOD!!! kicking my feet at the “has loving you really become his purpose” that was so hard ommgmgmgmgmgmggggg. Anon ur brain is so big ur brain is so eloquent I love this.
———
Ramuda, a being born to deceive turning into a man living to love. His whole purpose, his reason for existence turning into making you happy for the rest of your days.
Ramuda wakes up with a smile every morning because it’s a sign he’s doing his job right. He sees you by his side and nothing more than love and relief shapes his smile. Every day he sees the sun is another day he’s going to love you right.
Following the end of Chuoku’s reign, Ramuda takes on a more domestic role. He wakes up first, and after convincing himself to stop staring and get up, he makes breakfast for you to share in bed ;_; Being a fashion designer he spends most of the day at home and in his studio, so he has a lot of time to do whatever errands or chores you ask of him!!
If you’re a homebody too, he’ll make most of the money for your household, don’t worry about it!! If you’re working, Ramuda will send you off with a kiss and greet you back with a hug.
Your routine is perfect, he thinks. Every day he makes it a point to make you smile at least once and he always succeeds. Even if you fight, even if you have a bad day, he’ll always be sure to put a smile on your face at least once.
He thanks you every night before you go to sleep. “Why do you thank me all the time?” you asked him once.
“It’s cause you truly saved me,” he says, kissing your nose before snuggling closer to you.
When it comes time to spend your last day with you, Ramuda asks for more time. After days, months, years of loving you right, Ramuda can’t help but ask for more. He’s greedy and desperate, not wanting to be alone again for the first time since he was made.
But you do pass and he can’t do anything to stop it. But be doesn’t have any regrets, he doesn’t regret anything leading up to this, from his creation to your meeting to the years and years of loving you- he’d do it all over again if it meant another day in your arms.
He may pass, just as you say anon, but maybe he’ll wake up to another sunrise. Maybe he’ll get another lifetime to love you right.
———
;_;
Hypmic plot spoilers under cut so I can talk abt Ramu more KANDKDBDKJS
I was always under the impression that the candies were the actual thing keeping him alive, which is where that whole plot beat of him almost dying (?) and confessing to GenDice and Dice going to his mom to beg for more came from. She says no and I’m unsure of where they got more (maybe from Rei???) but he’s still kicking!!
HUT UGH !!! It’s portrayed that the battle with his clones was LITERALLY life or death for Ramu cause he was so weakened trying to portion out his candies. Like it’s implied he wouldn’t have made it if Dice and Gen didn’t pop in and just ekenkfnkmlmkmk I love him I love Ramu sm my baby
Also I never realized Hifu probably never sleeps LMAO. Maybe Doppo absorbed all the tired energy so Hifu can survive the day.
#hypmic#hypnosis mic#hypnosis microphone#hypmic x reader#hypnosis mic x reader#hypnosis microphone x reader#ramuda#ramuda amemura#hypmic ramuda x reader#ramuda x reader#ramuda amemura x reader#asks are fun uwu#anon u should consider starting a blog if u haven’t already this writing was so good kdbdkdbdkdndk
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~Chaos of the Navigator~
A/N: Did you guys know that I have an ungodly obsession with Law, but I have an excuse though. I have a thing for Jotaro, AND LAW AND JOTARO HAVE THE SAME ENGLISH DUB VOICE ACTOR. Please don't blame me.
Also, I didn't realize that bepo was Law navigator and now I want to cry.
btw guys I take request so feel free to send me some.
Fun Fact: So, I was doing my Duolingo lesson, and I realized that Sanji name.....means three o'clock. I AM NOT KIDDING LOOK IT UP
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Scenario I
This type of situation was rare to happen. The closest they got to this type of situation is having there continuous one-night stands but for some reason. Something about the straw hats awoke something within Law, perhaps he felt like he needed to show his affection more. Maybe he just felt a twinge of jealousy in his chest when the chef of the straw hats tried to make woo the navigator of the heart pirates. Of course, he knew that the navigator would never fall for this. Despite the kind nature of his Navigator, he knew that she was cunning and smart. Yet, it still bothered him, because she never told him out right no!
So that is how the two arrived in the situation, a very annoyed captain along with a very confused navigator. The women smiled weakly, "Captain? May I ask...why you are doing this?" Law didn't answer her, the man remained silent as he laid on her lap. People might be confused, wondering why this 26-year-old man is putting his creditability on the line. The fact that most people don't know is that Law is in fact quite light, so it wasn't bothersome. It was strange on why he was doing this.
So, this sudden attempt of affection was strange. "I always assumed that we were just a fling, signs of affections were not something we would do..." he opened his eyes, looking up at the familiar face. "I'll try to show it more often, Navigator-ya" he said, closing his eyes once more to get some rest. The women smiled at him, the same smile that she wore on her face for years.
"Law..." The man was surprised to hear her say his name. Despite their relationship, they still had some type of professional relationship. The reason why she still called him captain, yet when she called him, Law. He knew that she wasn't talking to her captain, she was talking to Trafalgar Law. Two adults talking to each other, not a captain and his subordinate.
The women moved his hair out of his face. Seeing the familiar grey eyes, she loved seeing. The same at peace look she always displayed on her face. "You don't have to, if you don't want to" she caressed his cheek, a loving embrace he hasn't truly felt in so many years. "I know that you have trouble with it, Law."
Law felt bad for the navigator, he felt like everything about their relationship was wrong. What if they had a really big fight, it could tear the crew apart. He knew better than that, the navigator was grown enough to solve the issue so the crew doesn't suffer. Law lips curled into a frown, he knew deep down,
That he didn't deserve her.
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Scenario II
It was dark, the sky glimmered above her. All of her precious constellations glimmering right about her. It almost seemed like they were dancing above her, the image of a grand ballroom came to mind. Everyone she thought off dressed in beautiful dresses and suits, having a fun time. Causing chaos among each other, smiling. It was beautiful, something that she loved as well as envied.
The navigator drank out of a jug of sake. A faint blush came over her face, everyone passed out from the celebration of their triumph in Dressrosa. Including her captain, the navigator just enjoyed the stars. For now, just being able to sit here and enjoy the stars is enough for her.
Footsteps were heard from behind her. The navigator looked behind her, the infamous Nico Robin was behind her. "Hello Ms. Navigator" Robin smiled at her; the navigator turned her body towards Robin. "Hello Robin" the two met each other's eyes. "Enjoying the peace and quiet while it lasts, am I right?" Robin nodded, "Are you enjoying the view Ms. Navigator?" she nodded, "The stars are quite lovely, they watch as the world changes right below them." the two enjoy the silence, "I'm curious about something, Ms. Navigator" turning her body towards Robin, showing her interest in her question. "What is your relationship with Traffy?" the navigator spit out her drink.
"uhhhh"
______________________________________________________________
Scenario III
The navigator of the heart pirates sat on the bed waiting for the 'Surgeon of death' to exam her back. The women sat there waiting for him to say something. The two sat there for what seemed like hours. "Captain...is something wrong?" she asked in anxious tone. Law sat there for another minute or so, "I can never get used to your tattoo on your back" he said, bluntly.
The women felt a vein pop up in her forehead. ".... You're the one who helped me ink it on my back!" she stated. Law stayed quiet as he looked at her back, "I just wanted to have a cool tattoo" she smirked "If I had the choice...I would rather have it on my che-" the doctor hit her on the head with his sword. "Don't even go there!" she rubbed her head "Ouchie!" she pouted as she slipped the shirt back on. "You didn't need to hit me with your sword!" Law glared at the women, grabbing her by the shirt. "I know, where you going to go with that!" the navigator of the heart pirates turned away trying, sweat beading down her face. "Captain, I think you have a dirty mind. I would never imagine have such a relationship with my captain." the man gripped her shirt even harder, a pissed off look on his face "If the crew ever found out about our relationship-"
The navigator cut him off "Yeah, yeah, it would turn the crew upside down" she sighed "Don't worry, I can keep a secret, Captain" he gripped tigher on to her shirt. An even more pissed off expression on his face "I'm not worried about you not being able to keep a secret. I'm worried about you not being discreet! You're just like straw hat sometimes!" the navigator acted offended "Captain, how dare you think-"
Their conversation was cut short, "Hello!" a voice could be heard from behind the door. "Is everything alright behind there?" The navigator laughed, "Yes, sorry! We are finishing up in here!" Law sighed as he turned away from her.
"Oh, come on, Captain! We would have to come out eventually."
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A Friendly Smile From the Past - 1
A/N: Hi there! Just another wee work in progress. Let me know what you think of it :) I'm new to Tumblr and how it works, so like I don't know how to tag pages together and whatnot heh! So please be patient with me! This is also posted on my Ao3 under the same username!
Pairing: CEO!Bucky Barnes x Reader [with College!Bucky/High School!Bucky in Flashbacks and mentions].
Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist
“You have got to be kidding me! You seriously have got to be kidding me!” I shouted out frustrated and annoyed as I rubbed my hands down my cheeks instead of pulling on my hair because mum always said it would make my hair fall out faster. Not that rubbing on my cheeks helped either. Staring up at me from the desk was the letter I had been dreading. I knew there would be cuts, but I didn’t think I would be one of them. I have always gone above and beyond for this firm. I strove for greatness, and we were recognised more and covered in the media because of the cases I took and won. I glanced at the door where my name had once been etched, now empty. I sighed and bit my bottom lip trying not to cry, ‘do not show any signs of weakness’ my inner voice was screaming at me. ‘You are going to hold your head up high, you know they’ll regret this decision’. Breathing slowly I continued packing up my office, shoving everything into the boxes.
Oh god, how are my parents going to take this? It’s not like I was fired, but dad thinks that being let go and being fired are the same exact thing. I can just imagine it now, the words that would be uttered “Honey, they would have kept you if you were truly as great as the media portrays you to be”. To say my relationship with my dad is complicated is an understatement.
I should have taken that offer from the firm in the city, Johnson & Sloane when I had the chance, but what did I do? I chose to stay, in the small town with no growing career opportunities because dad had gotten sick. Even though our relationship has been difficult since the split, I stayed due to obligation, of trying to be the perfect daughter.
“You know if you stare any harder at that letter you’ll probably remain cross-eyed” Natasha’s voice brings me out of my thoughts. I chuckle softly but it sounds pathetic. “If it helps you’re stuck with me until we find new jobs,” she says walking over and placing her hand on my shoulder as we both stare at the wall. The last item to take down and pack is my law degree. The one I worked my ass off for.
“I’m glad you’re here Nat” I whisper softly as I try to find the courage to take it down. A squeeze of my shoulder is all it takes for me to reach out and take it down, placing it in the box.
Nat and I have been friends since we were in diapers, well technically since the womb. Our mothers are the best of friends and live across from each other. We grew up doing pretty much everything together, we had the same circle of friends. But there were some things that differed. In high school, Nat was the cheerleader and went on to be the captain, she was popular and loved by everyone. I, on the other hand, was involved in the drama club and debate team, I knew everyone and everyone knew me. Where Nat would barely try in classes, I worked twice as hard. Sitting exams was a scary time because I would worry about her not studying. I think that might be one of the reasons we ended up going to the same university because even though we may be different we couldn't live without each other, but also she wouldn’t have been able to pass any of her papers at university without me. We depended on each other because our lives were intertwined.
When I decided to stay where we grew up because dad got sick, she didn’t hesitate one second “If you’re staying so am I, we go through this together”. I couldn’t be more thankful to have her by my side through everything good and bad. I will, however, always feel guilty because she decided to stay here, she broke up with her boyfriend Steve - they dated through high school and through university. They truly were meant for each other, but Steve wanted to play football professionally and had been drafted to play across the country, an opportunity he could not pass.
I remember overhearing the conversation, it was hard not to. A screaming match in her room while the rest of us sat in the living room, it was one of our last hangouts before graduation and we would all move away to our respective job offers that we had lined up.
“Why? Why can you not come with me? Do you not love me anymore is that it? We have talked about this since high school, you said this is what you wanted” Steve had sounded so broken, I knew he must have thought Nat was slipping through his fingers. “I know, we did, but plans change, life doesn’t go to plan” she had said “It’s not my place to say why I’m going back home, just that I am, she needs me” Her voice had remained emotionless but later that night, Clint and I had held her till she had passed out from crying. I had begged and pleaded in tears to her so that she would not tell anyone what had happened, that instead of moving to New York to live out my big lawyer dreams, I was going back home. I begged her to go with Steve but she was so stubborn and knew I would not be able to do this without her. “Please don’t do this to us, we have something so beautiful baby, I can’t see a future that you aren’t in Nat, please” Steve had begged her and I knew it pained her deeply. Steve never knew who Nat had meant by ‘she’, I think he might have thought it was her mother.
“What do you think of Johnson & Sloane?” I ask softly as I pick up my box and follow her to the desk outside my- the office where her box sits but mainly contains office supplies and a photograph. Nat barely personalised her desk, but the one photo she did keep was the university photo of all of us after we had won the football game against our rival university during our final year. All of us girls had been dressed up in our colours to support the boys. Nat, Wanda, Sharon, Pepper and I had our hair in pigtails covered in glitter and ribbons. We had gone the extra mile. Steve, Vis, Tony, Sam, Thor and Bucky had all been playing and were covered in dirt and sweat. Bruce had been on medic duty that night and Clint had injured himself so he had been benched. We were all smiles in that photo, back then we thought we would be friends till the end of time no matter where we would have ended up.
“You should have taken the offer when you first got it,” she said as we walked towards my car after handing in our work ids and office keys to security. After placing the boxes in the trunk and accidentally slamming it shut a little too hard, I don’t think it was accidental. I turned to face the building, leaning on the car.
“I know I should’ve, but,” I said and stopped. But what? Dad had made progress and things had been looking up. I could have gone, made a break for it, and started growing my career. Used the middle-tier firm as a jumping stone to make it to New York as I had dreamed of. But mum would have been disappointed. She had grown used to my presence being back since university. She also depended on me. Since the split with dad, she had been on her own, living her life through me at times.
“Your parents, I know,” she said softly leaning against the car too. I glance over at her “I truly am grateful to you, you know. You didn’t have to come back with me, but you did. You gave up your relationship with Steve and you shouldn’t have. He’s still single you know, it’s the main thing the media will write about him. I think he’s waiting for you, you should go. Take this opportunity and go to him” I say as tears form in my eyes, the guilt eating away.
“Y/N,” she said softly and sighed. She turned her head and met my eyes “I chose to stay, to follow you home. You’re my family, yes I loved Steve, and I still love him, but you mean more to me in the world. Partners will come and go, but you, you’re my family and I would do anything for you. You didn’t even ask me to come with you, you begged me to go with Steve even though your world was crumbling down. You were the brightest law student and you had massive offers to make a name for yourself in New York. How could I just leave you to face demons without support? You are my home. You don’t have to ask, just like I never ask you for anything, yet you’re always by my side.”
I couldn’t meet her stare. I felt ashamed. “As for Steve, he could have reached out, he could have come back home. He could have called, he could have fought harder for us. But” she said a soft crack in her voice, “he remained silent” I finished for her. I reach out and squeeze her arm softly.
“You’re no better though,” she says “What do you mean?” I ask confused as we both start getting into the car. “James Buchanan Barnes,” she says a little too smugly for my liking. The mention of his name makes my heart stop. “What about him?” I ask playing indifferently. “You both were in love with each other and never confessed your feelings. The only other person you have been as close to as I was him,” she said “You just stopped communicating?” she asks raising her perfectly shaped eyebrow. I sigh softly “Oh please, he was not in love with me,” I say rolling my eyes but my heart hurts. Bucky and I were super close growing up, sure he had Steve and I had Nat and the four of us had been close. He was my best friend and one day since moving back home the messages and constant video calls slowly started to fade to one-word messages and 2-minute calls to absolutely nothing from him. I had never told him and he had sensed something was wrong during that last hangout but I never once said a word to him about it. He had also had a job offer in New York and would always ask to meet up and hang out but I would always say I was busy, but the truth was I was miles away from there, too scared to tell him the truth.
“One day the messages stopped coming and he didn’t call anymore,” I say softly which is why I moved on. "Plus we haven’t heard from the rest of the group since graduation, we all fell off the communication wagon. Our entire group has been together since high school, and sure Steve, Bucky, you and I longer than that, I thought we would be in constant contact, us against the world ya know? But it just faded away like those days didn’t mean anything at all” I say softly
“You know that’s not true, it did mean something, I guess we are all just busy with our lives,” she says softly. “But at least we are together”, “forever” I agree with a soft smile as we head back to the apartment.
-> Next Chapter
#bucky x y/n#bucky x female reader#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#natasha romanoff#tony stark#steve rogers#sam wilson#bruce banner#clint barton x y/n#clint barton#clint barton x reader#college!bucky#ceo!bucky#pepper potts#sharon carter#wanda maximoff#thor odinson#the avengers#avengers au#alternative universe
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What are your favourite tlh characters and why?
Hi there! ✨
If you have seen my blog the past few weeks, you probably can guess some of them, but here we go:
Grace
I feel like Grace is one of the most complex characters we've ever gotten in TSC and it feels like such a breath of fresh air. Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly aware that these are YA novels, so I generally don't expect the books to be super amazing, I know what I'm signing up for, but that's precisely why I like her so much. Her personality is very unlike other female characters we've gotten in the series and I don't mean that in a "not like other girls" sense but in the sense that it caught my attention immediately, because CC doesn't have the best track of giving her girls gray morality without treating them like they suck for that.
I guess I was always curious about her? Even in CoG she gave the impression she was more than she seemed, and reading her backstory in CoI just made me hurt for her and root for her to have a happy ending after so much misery. There's something really satisfying about characters that have faced so much hardships finally getting a chance to simply be.
Alastair
Oh, boy. When I first read CoG and I read about Alastair, he felt to me so much like my older brother that I loved him immediately. It helped that I found his snark incredibly funny. However... as I kept reading TLH, he actually started reminding me of, well, myself. For many reasons, but let's not get too personal here, haha, let's just say I found his flaws, his struggles, and his stubbornness to go on in spite of that very relatable. How could I not love him deeply and dearly?
Aside from my biased reasons, I also find that his character is written very consistently and I loved his character arc (I stand by how simplistic some things felt in COT, but even so), how he had his highs and his lows, that was very nicely done. He also feels like a complex character because he's allowed to fuck up badly and it doesn't get swept under the rug, though I would say they go the other way with him and Grace by being too harsh, but I'll take my wins where I can.
Christopher
Oh, Kit, sweet Kit, you were the best of them all. Christopher is such a great character because, while mostly ignored the first two books, he's endearing practically without trying. CC's books have this thing where sometimes they try to convince you a character is likable for X reasons and it simply doesn't work for me that they tell me that I should love a character.
Christopher doesn't have that problem, they kinda present him to you as this klutzy nerd, but he's so much more than that. His logic helps him be the most compassionate and kind from the group, no matter what the narrative tries to tell you. He's perceptive, he's fair, he's fun. Who doesn't like Christopher even if he isn't their favorite? He knows what he is and what he wants and he follows through with it, he's such a pillar of the group that passes unnoticed because he's always in the background, but by the gods, he's so good.
Honorary mentions
Thomas and Ari.
I adored Thomas in CoT, though I must admit he doesn't spark my curiosity and excitement quite like the other three did, in the way that I would get immediately engaged the second I saw their names on the page. Nothing wrong with him, just my personal preferences, but he was truly funny and sweet and I quite liked that!
Ari... I do like her, in a way, I wanted to like her so bad, but she's trapped as the love interest in Anna's narrative, and given that I have no love for Anna's character or their pairing, it was hard for me to enjoy her appearances. She didn't have a chance to shine on her own, but when I think of all the ramifications of her story, I swoon a little. She could be so interesting.
#thank you for the ask!#this doesn't feel super coherent but since it's subjective bc it's about my faves that's probably fine#grace blackthorn#alastair carstairs#christopher lightwood#thomas lightwood#arati bridgestock#ari bridgestock#the last hours#tlh#the shadowhunter chronicles#tsc
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The break down.
Carl grimes x GN!reader
Warning: the lineup, cursing, blood, NEGAN.
Summery: you and the people you grow to love go through something life changing. And lose someone more important to you then anything.
Ⱄⱄ. .ⱄⰔ Ⱄⱄ. .ⱄⰔ Ⱄⱄ. .ⱄⰔ Ⱄⱄ. .ⱄⰔ
After losing your parents, your friends you've made and gotten close to along the way of surviving a fucking zombie apocalypse wouldn't you want to cry? To be angry? Wouldn't you want to let go of all your emotions?
Yeah I would to. But I can't. I can't be seen as weak and vulnerable, I need to say strong for everyone.
After losing everyone and everything there has been one person there for me, Glenn Rhee. He was my fathers best friend and my godfather. So after my parents passed he took me and my brothers in.
Glenn was there for me in a way no one ever was, not even my boyfriend Carl Grimes, do t get me wrong he's an amazing boyfriend. But Glenn understands me more than I understand my self.
Now, imagine. Having only one person left that knows you more then your self and has the patience for you? You would love them like no other. That is how it is with Glenn. He's like my dad. And having to sit in a line, watching a guy talk about nonsense, threatening to kill us is nerve-racking.
"You..." he points to someone, I can't even see, everything is blurry from my tears
"Are..." he pointed to Glenn, my tears fell down from my face, scared. But he continued walking.
"..." my hands start shaking. I don't want anyone to die but it looks like we have no choice. One of us will.
"It." I let out a choked sob as he points his stupid fucking bad to Abraham.
"If anybody moves, if anybody says anything. Cut the boys other eye out, and feed it to his father, and then we'll start." He tells us standing there in-front of Abraham.Now not just my hands are shaking my whole body is. "You can breath."
Abraham sticks a peace sign up at Sasha, it was there thing. When she see's it she starts to break down. "You can blink. You can cry." He gets in stance, "hell.." he gets ready to swing.
I want to look away but I can't. As he goes to hit Abraham he says,"You all are bout to be doing that!"
BAM
He hits him. Sasha starts crying more then before, rosita is crying, Carl, we all are. I look down at the grown "Oho! Look at that!" I slowly look up, and Abraham is sitting up. "TAKING IT LIKE A CHAMP!" negan laughs. He's ticking me off.
"S...Suck.." i look at Abraham, he's saying something..? "My.. Nuts." 'That's Abraham.' I thought in my head. He had to get the last word. Then Negan hits him again, and again, and again. Everything went silent slowly.
Next thing I know Negans on the grown, then it hit me. Daryl punched him. 'THAT DUMBASS! Now he's going to get killed. Fuck.. fuck. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!' Everything slowly goes out again, he's standing in-front of me and Glenn, i take a deep breath.
I look up and he winds his arm.. 'what..?' Then it hits me. "WAIT, NO PLEASE NO." I plead and beg then he hits him. He hits glenn.
"NO STOP!" my hands are on my knees, my face is towards the ground, tears pouring out of my eyes. Glenn sits up. One of his eyes are popping out.
I let out a chocked sob. "M-Mngh" i look away wiping my tears with my sleeve.
"Buddy your still there? I just don't know... it seems like your trying to speak! But you just took a hell of a hit! I just popped your skull so hard, your eyeball just popped out!" He chuckles. "AND IT IS GROSS AS SHIT!"
"Girls I'll find you." Maggie starts crying harder, I shake my head trying to have the image leave my head. Negan looks at me and Maggie, "oh.. oh hell. I can see this is hard on you guys. I am sorry. I truly am." He tells us all.
"Then stop." He looks at me. "Excuse me little one?" He bends down to meet my level, "ple-please.. just s-stop. P-Please." I look up at him, begging, tears flowing like steams of a river down my face.
"I'm sorry kid, but I did say it." He stands up straight, "NO EXCEPTIONS!" Then he swings again.
"NO NO NO! FUCKYOU!" He keeps Hitting him BAM BAM BAM "FUCK. FUCK!" I collapse on the ground crying. I lost him. I lost glenn.
"You bunch of pussies. I'm just getting started." BAM, BAM, BAM "Lucille is thirsty!" He chuckles "she is a vampire bat!"
After they all have left, me and Maggie are sitting there next to Glenn, Rosita and Sasha is with abe. I hold on to Maggie, she's laying in my arms crying. I then get up. We lost Abe, Glenn, and Daryl.
"Shit.." I run my hands through my hair. "SHIT!" Everyone looks at me. At this point I don't care. I'm kicking the dirt the rocks on the floor screaming. "FUCKFUCKFUCK!" I'm pacing back and forth.
"THAT FUCKING PICE OF SHIT!" I started crying, tears are flowing down my face again. I look down on my shirt and hands, covered in his blood. "No...no..nonononono!"
"Get off! Get off! GET OFF PLEASE!" I tried so hard to wipe off his blood, but it won't come off "GET FUCKING OFF ME!"
Everyone is staring like I'm a phyco. I fall down on my knees "GETOFFGETOFFGETOFF!" Carl runs over to me. He hold me in his arms rocking me back and forth. "Shhhh" he hold my head in his chest.
He's crying to, "HES GONE! He's gone! He's gone carl! He's gone. Glenn is fucking gone." Maggie comes over and holds me to. "HE PROMISED ME! He fucking promised he wouldn't go. Now he's gone! Just like everyone else." Carl puts his forehead on my head and gives me a kiss. " I know y/n, I know."
I get up and go over to him, i look at him. Tears falling down my face like water droplets on a window. "You promised.." I put my head on his back "you promised me, you promised my dad, my mom. You fucking promised." I lift up my head.
I look over at everyone, "what am I going to tell the boys!? What am i going to say? How am I- I- I can't. They can't know!" Carl gets up and picks me up away from Glenn. "What about carol? What about the Enid?-" carl hugs me.
I hugs him back, crying into his chest. He lifts up my head "we have to go v." I look at him in the eyes. "What about them?" He looks at them. Abe an glenn, "we have to leave them."
I shake my head. "No. No.. no..." he holds my face, "he have to I don't want to either, but he have to." I continue to shake my head, I try to get out his grip. "No. We have to bury them."
He sighs, "let's bring them to hill top. We will bury them there."
Ⱄⱄ. .ⱄⰔ Ⱄⱄ. .ⱄⰔ Ⱄⱄ. .ⱄⰔ Ⱄⱄ. .ⱄⰔ
Sorry it’s actual ass. I made this a while a go and I haven’t proof read it or anything so bear with me.
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For the fanfic author asks do you want to talk about: 6, 30, and/or 42?
Thanks, @palmofafreezinghand
6. How do you come up with ideas?
In fanfic, I write the stories I want to read for which I can't find a version I love. Almost all of my fics come from me basically just wanting to be a voyeur: "The Talk," my first fic, was me reading the line in BD where Edward mentioned he'd talked to Carlisle about having sex and me thinking, "Well now that had to have been an interesting conversation!" So I wrote what I thought happened. They also come from conversations with people--Ithaca Is Gorges came from talking with my bestest bestie about the fact that as you get older, you start realizing that your parents are fallible people, and that one of the biggest problems with the Twilight saga is that Bella is taking Edward at face value when he has not ever managed to get to that point with Carlisle and Esme. So what do the Cullens look like when they're not filtered by Edward?
Also I was trained to write characters first; plot second. So "ideas" for me usually are "okay, in this situation, how would this character logically respond, given all the things they hold dear, are afraid of, think are at stake?" I don't think of plots first. Plots emerge (and frustratingly, keep emerging.)
30. What do you struggle with most when writing?
Perfectionism. So, so much perfectionism. I very often see something that needs to go first before I can write the second thing, and then if I can't write the first thing, it doesn't matter if the second thing is more white hot. It's the main reason I've shifted to fully drafting long fics and only posting fics that consist of what are effectively related one-shots: Cien Años right now has been stuck because there's a chapter with Rose and Esme I need in order to establish something about what Esme thinks of Carlisle before I go to one of Esme and Carlisle 70 years later. But I've been having issues with that one.
I will obsess over pieces of a work and over individual sentences until they truly pass muster, and, if I decide there's something else that belongs in the work, I will edit it later. I appreciated your tag comment btw, and also laughed about it because I revise everything. Sideblog answers? Yep. Headcanon posts? Yep. This post? Yep! I will move beats around in a sentence on a reddit post so that it has the rhythm I want it to have, even though there's absolutely no creative merit in it at all.
I used to be way better at just writing and letting stuff stick but not anymore. The other day one of my collaborators talked about her writing process and described mine as "Oh and then [giselle-lx] just produces these perfect sentences that say exactly what we all mean" and I was like, "No I have just already edited five times before I put them into Overleaf!"
42. How do you get over writers' block?
I...don't? I'm staring at a fic in Scrivener that hasn't been updated since 2019 and which I started drafting in 2010. And like I said above, been stuck on another work for a year.
But the thing which works the most reliably is reading. When I read, whether nonderivative stuff (which is mostly what I read--I am a bad fanfic reader, I confess!) or fic, my brain starts sparking with ideas and then I can get going again. If I'm struggling to get words down, it's usually a sign I need to read more.
Oh and the other thing which reliably creates writing is getting the hell off social media. Every single time I am serious about that practice, my brain just rebels at how bored it is and starts writing. "Ordinary Time" happened after I deprived my brain of social media for a month, and "Drying Up" happened after I deprived it for merely a long weekend. I know this in my soul, and yet... :/ :shakes fist at Mark Zuckerberg:
Ask me things!
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Schoolgirl diary time but. lol. lmao even. Had a lil breakdown today. I'm not going to waste my time and attempt to take this exam tomorrow, I really tried my best to concentrate during these past few days that I felt just a little better but the situation is absolutely tragic. I think it's a little bit funny that despite everything I still have enough pride to think "yeah, there's no point in embarrassing myself in front of others just to try it out". Sad and miserable and suicidal but God Forbid we let out pride be wounded
I really wish that I could blame it all just on university (which is a hellish experience and an hellish environment) and say that my condition is all born out of stress and anxiety, I really do. This is so selfish and insensitive of me but I'm so envious of those people whose mental health problems are "just" tied to academic in/success and stuff, truly. But I'm not, so here I am, dealing year by year with this progressively worsening bullshit. I always have all the time in the world to study, but I often don't take advantage of that because half the time I feel too bad to concentrate, and the other I have to try so hard to concentrate that I end up not doing it then either. -_-. It's easier to manage and make do with certain exams, but with others it's absolute hell, and it's the reason why I struggle so much to find a graduation date. I don't have that many exams left to take, but I need consistency, which I can't reach no matter how much I try... I want to hope that my thesis won't be such a sour subject as well since it's something I was very passionate and excited about (though if you were to ask me now if I feel anything about it... :/ ), but I haven't managed to start looking for sources yet, and the deadline the professor gave me is approaching too... I just so numb and empty. Some days absolutely pass me by, I'll just blink and realise that I've wasted so much time staring at nothing, doing nothing, thinking about nothing. And I want to change, I want it so bad. So often I think to myself "tomorrow I'll go on a run, just to do something", "today I'm definitely going to study that whole chapter", and then I don't, not even if I'm not feeling as bad. I don't even know why, I just don't. And the Situation™ at home truly does not help, but that's a whooole other can of worms and I just. sigh. I personally don't generally feel comfortable with self diagnosis, but honestly without getting into Other Signs thank god that I'm definitely somewhere on the autism spectrum because at least that means that the right stimuli get me to feel things even if only a little even when the feel-like-shit carousel starts lol. "Life sucks, I want to die and I think about it every other day... but at least we have special interests ❤️" akskdkcoggj literally this (and unironically. thank god for them because they're genuinely of help)
This has to be what being stuck in one of Dante's circles of hell has to be like but. There's another exam I'm supposed to take on the 25th, and I really hope that I'll manage to get myself out of this slump and at least get through with that. Loser ass idiot -_-
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on the topic of representation in media, I feel like it's important to consider rep that doesn't include the USA.
ofc, rep that includes ppl in said country should obviously exist. my point is that the focus has been too much on them for so long, it's understandable cuz they have the monopoly of the entertainment industry, but like other ppl (with experiences outside of the US) deserve their time to shine too, idk ???
(warning. after this I start to ramble a LOT and probably exaggerate stuff cuz idk it's one am. TLDR I feel like latin american rep is not living to its potential and that sometimes is just like, overlooked idk)
and now that I'm talking about this, I'll mention the US' latino rep. which by definition, their use if the word "Latino" is kind of wrong already, so it's not a good start and probably an early sign of ignorance towards a large group of people. but maybe I'm being too harsh (and exaggerating) on american media
latino, as a group, is SO broad. iirc, it includes anyone with roots in countries with latin based languages, so it's not limited to Latin America, it includes the latin part of Europe too (Spain, Portugal, France, Italy). I get that Latino is used as a shortened version of latin american, I just don't like how the word is being transformed into something that doesn't define the term in its entirety. anyway.
what we mostly see of us in media is just based on the US, and most of that are characters who are descendants of immigrants.
and that's good! but it shouldn't be the staple of latin american rep. it fits more the rep of latin american immigrants (1st gen, 2nd gen, that'll depend on the characters)
now, about latin american rep, there's so much to cover!!! because there is NOT one way to be latin american. because it's just a piece of land that some ppl happen to be born in and live in.
there's no point in making ambiguously latino characters or having said characters follow one way to be latin american. that just makes no sense.
what shapes the characters into what they are is their environment, which will differ from country to country (it's not the same growing up in Venezuela and growing up in Uruguay), social class, financial situation.. well, y'know, that kinda stuff.
so I believe there should be more focus on the countries inside latin america. ofc, if u don't know about X country's culture and want to start s project related to it, then you'll have to do ur research, that's not a bad thing anyway
maybe it's just me, but I feel like there's has to be more than just stereotypes when it comes to representation. as dumb as what I'm gonna say may sound, it sucks being constantly told in subtle ways that ur not truly X nationality\etc. just because u are not like others think u should be like. just cuz ur not like some of ur peers. it just beats the point of rep, imo.
also bad rep in media can easily make the ppl who don't know about who the rep is about, even more ignorant about said group of ppl (sorry I'm so redundant). see some twitter users act towards argentinians for example. apparently to them, Argentina was not part of latin america (even tho it's in the territory) because some argentinians are white or white passing. yup. it was kinda funny to see tho lol
#nini rambles#should i even tag this to be seen. like.......i just hsd ti put my thiughts in words or else#i cant go to sleep
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And now, the end is near
I graduated Highschool today. It's been a love-hate relationship. Well, more hate than love. More pain than was probably necessary.
I learned a lot about myself. A lot about who I was, how I was different and yet not special. Having to deal with that fact - that my existence isn't necessarily important or meaningful on a larger scale, that there are millions of people just as intelligent as me, that I am not the best at anything, was, well, hard.
I don't know what comes next. I do know it will all pass far too quickly. I hope I look back at this with understanding, but growth. Perhaps a bit too optimistically, I hope this is all a weird faze. Like... Alice falling into wonderland and waking up. I hope I have it all figured out, although I know I won't.
Well, no. Maybe I don't want to figure everything out. Even if I could, it would be comforting, but would leave nothing to be found. And there always should be something left to be found.
But I do want to be okay with it all. With the pain, the good, the bad, the confusion and unknown, the fear and the delight, and most of all, with myself. The world is surreal and bizarre and so is existing, and I'm starting to accept that. The moments when I don't are terrifying.
The more I learn, the worse it gets. It's a curse more than a blessing, but it's an addiction of sorts too. Or perhaps I just don't know how to deal with it all. Maybe one day I will. Those voices, they drive me mad. But they allow me to move closer.
I feel a deep sense of sadness and angst in the Heideggerian sense. Anxiety in the face of the world, of existence. I didn't think the ceremony would... effect me that way. Perhaps it's jealousy that I wasn't the best in my year, even though my grades are good. It's weird, I got a prize for a project, and actual money when the valedictorian didn't, but it still felt... empty. All of it. I probably would have felt the same if I got the prize for best student in our year.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who sees the king is naked. We sit there, and do our silly ceremonies, and all I can think of is why the fuck are we taking ourselves so seriously. It's... well... bizarre. The world is so strange and no one ever talks about it in daily conversation, which just makes it all the more bizarre. We all just, accept it. And that's fine. I don't think I'm better because this is constantly on my mind. I think I'm just more scared.
Anyway. I think I'm just lost, but not? Everything seems so clear, open and conflicting and closed at the same time.
As I got ready for the ceramony, one song started playing in my head. Well, the first line. "And now, the end is near". I didn't even think about the song itself. But it is very fitting. Because I did do it my way. And I always will. Not out of choice or want, but need. Compulsion. For better, and for worse.
Signing off at 4:50, studying for the physics exam I have tomorrow.
And now the end is here
And so I face that final curtain
My friend I'll make it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more
I did it, I did it my way
Regrets, I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
I saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much, much more
I did it, I did it my way
Yes, there were times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself then he has naught
Not to say the things that he truly feels
And not the words of someone who kneels
Let the record shows I took all the blows and did it my way
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Fighting To Survive
This world, it's a mess. I never imagined that in my lifetime I would see the things I've seen come to pass, that I'd go through the things I've gone through.
This is just the beginning. We are so overwhelmed right now but this is just the beginning of what is coming.
Sometimes I look around me and question what I'll do when I'm all alone in this scary world, how will I survive this all alone?
Lately, I am so overwhelmed with sadness that it is consuming me more than I would normally allow. Whether it be that I'm just so mentally and physically exhausted or because my heart is breaking - I don't know.
I wish I could fix the world. That I could make all of this go away, but it doesn't work that way.
"Fear is not of God." I repeat that to myself so often. Fear has more power than we should allow it to have. If we could fully put our faith in God and rebuke fear then maybe we could overcome this.
I feel like I'm fighting a battle to survive. I don't mean health wise or physically - I mean mentally. I think we all feel like this right now, especially healthcare workers.
As someone that is on the frontline, seeing first hand what's happening: I can honestly say that I wish that I could do more. My everything still isn't enough to ease the suffering of the people right now.
We talk so much about this terrible pandemic but what people are not realizing is that we have another large issue as well. I can't count the people that has attempted suicide within the last few months. Some we have saved and cared for until they could go home but I can't help but wonder about the ones that weren't so lucky.
Something has happened lately. Depression, fear, sadness and anxiety has taken over - especially with the younger people. It makes me wonder if some spiritual entity is the cause of this, if Satan is trying to take as many as he can before Jesus comes back.
My opinion doesn't mean much. After all, I'm just one person in this huge world. However, I truly believe that the end is close. How could it not be? We are seeing so many signs, things are so bad. This world can't stand much more.
In the meantime, while I'm waiting I choose to help others. To set aside my heartbreak and help everyone that I possibly can. I choose to devote my life to making a difference and trying to help others see the light in the darkness.
We have to come together. Even if we all can't come together, then at least some of us has to. We have to fight to survive and to help others TOGETHER. We have to pray and allow God to guide us and be our shield that is protecting us from danger.
Will you join us in the fight? Are you ready to make a difference in this world? Are you ready to help the light shine in the darkness? I hope so, we need you.
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Thank you so much for tagging me @elliecreed! I swear, one day it won't take me five million years to complete a tag 🙃
shuffle on my repeat playlist and post the first 10 tracks
My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words
Alabama Shakes - Hold On
Foo Fighters - Run
Patrick Wolf - Tristan
Donovan - Season of the Witch
Ado - Usseewa
Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of The Heart
Stray Kids - Side Effects
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - There She Goes, My Beautiful World
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Sacrilege
le questionnaire
Tea, coffee, or soda?
Coffee. I'm better with tea now but if I'm not drinking water I'd rather have coffee of some sort, preferably iced
Dogs or cats?
Both! I don't have a cat right now after my old lady Ally passed away, but I really really miss having a cat. The neighborhood cats take some of that sadness away though. My dog Abby, aka Bologna lol, is my everything and I really dont want to imagine life without her nope! Not thinking about it!
Can you play any instrument?
That's like asking if can I sing lol. No, but that doesn't stop me! I like strumming an acoustic guitar or a charango as if I know what I'm doing.
What’s your sun sign?
Sagittarius. Though sometimes I feel as though I'm more of a Pisces since I was supposed to be born in February. I once looked up if being premature has an effect on your zodiac sign. Supposedly it doesn't, but...I just don't know about that. Though I'm sure my brother would say that my temper shows that I truly am every bit of the triple fire sign that I am. I just call that being half Puerto Rican.
First song lyrics that pops into your head?
I don't trust anything or anyone below the sun and I don't feel anything at all
Do you have any tattoos?
No but I have many planned out in my head for the day I have money to spend on them. I want tattoos, dammit!
Favorite place you’ve traveled?
That's hard to choose! I loved being in Germany so much and the few places we were able to travel to because of being there. But...I'd have to say Venice. Cause it was just amazing and I want to go back. But also cause a pigeon tried to take out my brother in a sneak attack and I will forever cherish that memory and love pigeons now even more than I already had.
What’s the last movie you’ve watched?
I honestly have no idea. Probably When Harry Met Sally? I was watching all the romcoms I love one day and I think that was the last one I watched? I'm not sure, I watch shows more than movies these days.
What languages do you speak?
As said so eloquently by Korben Dallas, "Whoa lady, I only speak two languages; English and bad English." And even then I still stumble over my words daily as if I haven't been speaking it my entire life. I also can speak a tiny bit of Spanish though I should really try and fix that seeing as how nearly my entire family speaks Spanish. Duolingo makes me think I can speak some Japanese (I cannot).
Do you have any hobbies?
Writing, drawing, crocheting. All of which I wish I did more of.
You can hang out with one fictional character for an hour, who do you choose?
Totoro....or Wallace Wells
Compliment yourself:
I'm pretty good at decorating cakes. I'm always wanting and willing to help anyway I can.
my lockscreen, the last song i listened to, the last picture i took, and the last picture i saved
This was so much fun lol, and didn't send me into an over thinking downward spiral 🤩 if anyone sees this and feels so inclined to do it, please do! I tag @rikotin and @7nessasaryevils if either of you want 💜
#look at my bologna girl being all photogenic on Halloween 4 years ago lol#chick habit makes me want to go watch Death Proof right this second but my DVR ate the recording and it's not streaming anywhere...bah!
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i don't remember the last time i wrote here
and it was earlier last week haha. it's funny. anxiousness does the funny thing where the world flips upside down in a matter of moments. the last time i wrote, i tried to write myself into a content, relaxed mood. the last few days have been pretty turbulent. i felt very tired and frustrated especially because i was stressing during break.
the nice thing about time is that things come and go. so maybe it was really bad but it passed. and maybe it was wasted time but that time was going to pass anyway.
during breaks i just don't know what to do with myself. i'm started to understand my mom better. she would always yell at us during holidays, when she had no more work left to distract herself. i can relate with that. i'm not yelling at anyone though just to be clear. there's just the sense of being lost, not knowing what to do with your time. forcing your mind to enjoy the relaxation, but failing to force the relaxation. and then just this unimaginable rage builds up. but i get it, my mom didn't have many healthy outlets. i'm lucky to have healthy outlets so even if i'm frustrated, at least i'm not taking it out on anyone directly.
i was hosting jc from wednesday to saturday. that was super tiring. it was fun! i learned that i am not a fan of live comedy. i also learned that movies are getting faster and faster paced (see: puss in boots). i also re-learned to NEVER TRUST THE BLUE LINE!!!
i'm trying to accept that there will always be ups and downs in life. in relationships. part of me thinks that i will always be able to feel happy no matter what because i should live my life and plan and control such that i can be happy. but logically i know this is a bust. my heart still believes that i should be happy because i don't deserve to be truly sad and any sadness comes from lack of foresight and that my friends is side effects of model minority.
but on the idea of ups and downs in relationships, i can fully believe it. my therapist and i had an incredibly nice conversation today. she convinced me to change the way i view conflict! i don't think i've had such a productive therapy session in awhile. i told her about me and ny's weekend. she told me that conflicts/disagreements happen in healthy relationships. apparently, all couples go through the thing where one person repeatedly asks the other person to change something. it's just like slowly breaking out of the habit, and as long as the other person is putting in effort to change, then it's fine.
therapist asked me questions and we talked about how
growing up, my parents would expect me to completely change after telling me something once. any criticism they repeated, they would throw a tantrum.
it made me think that all conflict of any kind of dreadful and a sign of failure, a precursor to a huge falling out. so the idea that it's normal to encounter bumps and repeat the same feedback is compleeeetely new to me. in my mind, conflict/disagreement is so bad and must be avoided at all costs!
this took a huge weight off of my shoulders. if conflict is normal, then i don't feel as bad when i bring up things. if conflict is normal, then i don't get frustrated at myself for being "sensitive" or emotional/sad. if conflict is normal, then i won't take it personally when ny screws up. i won't internalize his mistakes as a sign of intentional lack of care for me.
the only past reference i have is my relationship with ia. the problem with ia is that he would always say that he would change, but towards the end it was all talk, no action. the relationship was going to end anyway, but i think that previous relationship made me really averse to the idea of repeating the same constructive criticism a few times and that being normal.
the difference in my relationship with ny is that i can see a bunch of ways he has changed to make space for me, and he genuinely really likes making me happy (awwwwwwww i know so sweet gross). the revelation for today is that someone can make mistakes to make me sad WHILE ALSO being very devoted to me. because no one is perfect! because it takes some time for someone to break an old habit and adopt a new one!
the weekend was really rough for me, but i can see like a million ways that ny tried to make it better. bless his poor, patient soul. ultimately, the root cause was that i was viewing conflict as this grave terrible ominous thing but it wasn't. it was just routine maintenance, like updating your computer except the software update comes with a little hurt feelings and tears shed. but the software update also comes with a lot of care and devotion :') and that makes me happy.
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After the earthquake in Turkey and Syria, so many things became clear to me, and I want to share them here because I think many can relate to them.
- NEVER take life for granted. You will never know when it’s your time to leave the earth. Always be thankful, even for the little things.
- So many bad things happen in this world every day. You should always be ready to help everyone. No matter how or in what situation. You would want the same for yourself.
- Nothing about what we own is ours. What is there today may be gone tomorrow. Therefore, always be prepared to lose everything you have. Material things do not have much value. Family, friends and people who love you are the true values in life.
- Praying works wonders. It heals more than we think. God is always with us, no matter what religion you belong to or what you believe in, never underestimate the power of prayer. What you prayed for today, you may get answered tomorrow.
- Enjoy the moments with your loved ones, you never know when it can be the last moments together. Therefore, tell them that you love them, be there for them and always treat them with respect and love.
- Do not argue or wish bad on anyone. If there are unresolved issues between you and a person, resolve it and don't leave it open. When that person is gone, you will regret it.
- To feel compassion and to stand up for others, be it in the form of a donation or a simple prayer. These are true signs of humanity and take us much further than we think. Don't think, "What good will it do me if I donate?" or "Participating in the donation won't help anyway." But no matter what your reach, there is ALWAYS someone out there who will pass it on or care. Don't underestimate the impact you can make.
- Always treat those around you in such a way that your last words to each other should never end with a bad word. Also be aware that you have made mistakes. Here I speak for myself as well. If I have ever treated someone badly or made them feel bad, I am truly sorry. I hope people can forgive me.
I would have so much more to say, but it would mean so much to me if you read this. Disasters like this, not only in my home country should take me away, but all over the world. I realized in the last days that we should stand up for every person out there and always help. My profession as a social worker has also encouraged me to think this way and I am glad how strongly this profession has influenced me.
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