#trans dean tuesday
Text
Dean is a trans man and the reason he was so scared to be seen as feminine was one day John said “if you’re gonna be a man, you’re gonna do it right. No more of that girly shit” so Dean tucked away whatever that didn’t fit into his fathers idea of a man, only letting them out after he’d died. It took a very long time, but eventually Dean realized that men can enjoy doing things seem as feminine without it feeling like he was faking who he is.
That’s it. That’s the post.
#dean winchester#supernatural#spn#trans dean winchester#john winchesters a+ parenting#trans dean#trans dean tuesday#trans man Dean#transgender
207 notes
·
View notes
Text
Trick or Treat
Words: 4,489
POV: 3rd Person
Pairing: TFW x Trans!FTM!Reader [Platonic]
Warning(s): Language, Fluff, Castiel is super cute in this but he's not as involved as Sam and Dean, Dean acting like a kid in a candy store, I think that's it?
Summary: Halloween always held a special place in the reader's heart. It was one of his favorite holidays. However, as he got older and started to discover more about himself, he never got to dress up as the characters he wanted when he was younger. When Sam, Dean, and the reader stumble upon an annual Halloween Festival in a small town after a hunt, the reader is reminded of all the things he could have been. When the truth comes to light, Sam and Dean make a plan to give the reader a night he will never forget.
Request:
This might be really specific but I have an idea if you feel like writing it. Something about reader ending up talking about how he used to hate halloween as kid because he never got to dress up the way he wanted, it always had to be something like a princess, a witch, "girl costumes" and then maybe he never dressed up when he got a little older as hunting started happening and there was never a party or something like that and since Sam and Dean know pretty well what a shit childhood feels like, team free will ends up preparing a halloween night with candy and horror movies and most important of all, costumes. So it's the first time he gets to dress up as whatever he wants just for fun.
Anonymous
A/N: I got this out just in the nick of time! I really hope you guys enjoy this story because I had a lot of fun writing it and imagining the boys in the costumes I picked out for them! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated! Happy Halloween!
Much Love!~
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
The diner was bustling, the small space filled with a mix of old and young people. Waitresses were running from one place to another in a frenzy, passing people their drinks and food and anything else they had asked for. (Y/N), Sam, and Dean were lucky to find a table when they did, and they were extremely thankful for it. The hunt had been a tough one - a group of vampires whose lust for blood had been higher than they had ever seen - and what they truly desired was a hot meal in their stomachs and a good night’s sleep. Unfortunately, it seemed that their hot meal would take a little longer than they would've liked.
For a Tuesday evening, the place was uncharacteristically packed. It wasn’t just the diner filled to the brim with customers, however. The entire downtown strip was swamped, each restaurant having a long line of people waiting outside for a table. People were dressed in semi-casual clothing, jackets, and sweaters worn around their torsos to combat the chill Autumn air. Orange, white, and black lights were strung along streetlights, illuminating the roads and sidewalks.
Dean’s leg bounced up and down, fingers laced together on the table, and jaw clenched. Sam was leaning back in the booth beside his brother, hands resting lazily on the tabletop. (Y/N)’s elbow was placed on the table as well, cheek in the palm of his hand. It was evident that all of them were exhausted, and it was even more obvious that Dean was getting impatient.
“Come on, where the hell is the waitress?” Dean huffed.
“It’s packed, Dean,” Sam mumbled. “Give her a break.”
“Packed or not, I’m starving. I need a burger.”
A party of five wandered into the diner. Someone at the counter turned towards the door once the bell rang and called out to them. Dean growled and placed his head into his hands. The group gathered right beside their booth and began to chat loudly. Dean’s eye visibly twitched as he reached inside his jacket, only to be stopped by Sam with a firm hand on his wrist.
“Dean,” Sam said in a warning tone.
Dean mumbled something under his breath and withdrew his hand. “Why the hell is it so busy, anyway?”
“I was thinking the same thing,” (Y/N) said. “It’s not Halloween yet, is it?”
“Halloween’s not for another week.”
“Then what the Hell is going on?”
A waitress shimmied between the boisterous party and their table, a serving tray filled with drinks in one hand. She glanced down at them and gave a small, apologetic smile.
“I am so sorry, you guys. I’ll be with you as soon as I put these drinks down.” She spoke sweetly.
“Take your time,” Sam gave her a wave and a smile.
The waitress let out a huff before she squeezed the rest of the way through and deeper into the building. Dean shook his head and placed his forehead into his hands. (Y/N) rolled his eyes.
“Calm down, Dean, before you have a heart attack.” He chuckled.
Dean lifted his head and glared at him. “I just want my burger.” He replied between clenched teeth.
It wasn’t long before the waitress came back over, stopping in front of their table. The serving tray was tucked underneath her arm and a notepad was in her hand.
“Alright,” she began. “I’m so very sorry for the wait.”
“Don’t worry about it,” (Y/N) waved her off. “We see how busy you are. We get it.”
“Thank you so much,” she let out a breath of relief. “Now, what can I get you guys to eat and drink?”
The three of them ordered their food and beverages and the waitress was quick to depart again. She soon appeared with the drinks and made a promise that the meal would be out as quickly as it could. They weren’t holding their breath on that promise, though. As they waited, there was minimal conversation between them. Conversations that had once surrounded them had begun to settle as some people began to disperse and head down the street in small groups. The diner had transformed into a quiet, peaceful environment once again. By the time their food arrived, there were only a handful of people left.
They dug into their food quicker than they ever had before, the wait taking a toll on their stomachs and, for the first couple of minutes, they didn’t talk. They just ate. The occasional satisfying hum escaped from their mouths but, other than that, nothing was said between them. The irritation that had been so evident on Dean’s face merely minutes prior had seemed to disappear and was replaced by a relaxed, yet tired, expression.
“How is everything over here?” The waitress returned, head tilted to the side. She didn’t seem as distressed as she had been when the building was full.
(Y/N) looked up from his food and swallowed the mouthful he had. He nodded. “Very good, ma’am,” he said.
“That’s great to hear. Do you guys need anything else? Some refills on drinks?”
Dean held up a finger as he finished chewing. “I’ll have some more,” he gestured to his glass. “But I gotta ask. Why in the Hell was it so busy earlier?”
The waitress gave an uneasy smile and let out a shaky breath. “Not from around here, I see. Today’s the first night of our annual Halloween festival. A lot of people like to go out to eat before they head downtown for the events.”
“Isn’t Halloween next week?” Sam asked.
“Yes, it is. They like to host the events a week early so they don’t take away from the trick-or-treating that the kids do that night.”
“What kind of events do you even have at a Halloween festival?”
“Well, there’s lots. They have bobbing for apples, pie eating contests, pie baking contests, hay rides, a petting zoo, crafts for the kids, cider tasting for adults, and loads of entertainment that they hire. It changes every year. Tonight, however, is our-”
“Trick or Treat!” Two in-sync, high-pitched voices accompanied the bell from the entrance.
All heads turned towards the door. A mother with two children walked inside. The waitress gestured towards the family.
“Business Trick or Treat event.” She finished. “I’ll be back in one second,” she held up a finger before she walked towards the front door.
Dean furrowed his brows. “‘Business Trick or Treat’? What’s that?”
(Y/N) turned to look at Dean for a moment before his eyes returned to the family that had entered. The mother was dressed in casual clothing compared to her two children. One child, seemingly the youngest, had a bright pink ballgown on that stopped just before it reached her ankles. A plastic, sparkling wand was in her hand and a tiara rested atop her blonde hair. The other child stood tall in his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle outfit. They both held multi-colored plastic pumpkin buckets with candy already peaking out of the top.
For a moment, (Y/N) found that he couldn’t tear his gaze away from the boy. The smile on his face was almost infectious. Memories of his own Halloweens were brought back to him instantly. All the times he went out with his parents, wandering from house to house, neighborhood to neighborhood, in search of the best candy there was. All the times that he dressed up as a princess, fairy, witch, or even an angel ironically enough. All the times he wished he could have dressed up as Batman, a cowboy, Indiana Jones, or a pirate. Yet every time he asked his parents if he was able to dress as such, the idea was turned down, and he was directed towards the more ‘appropriate’ costumes for a ‘precious little girl’ like he was.
He could remember seeing the other boys at school getting to dress up as who they wanted to be for Halloween while he was stuck in the clothes his parents wanted him to wear. Even as he grew up and ultimately became too old to go Trick or Treating, the want to dress up as some of his favorite characters was strong within him. He got into cosplay when he was an older teenager, but he only felt confident in his work in his early twenties. By then, his hunting career had taken off, and the time for Halloween parties and Comic Cons were off the table, so he never got the opportunity to dress as he wanted. He still cosplayed now and then in the privacy of his room, of course, but there was still that desire to show off his skills, to express himself differently than he already did. He knew it was wishful thinking. Halloween was a laughable holiday in the eyes of hunters, after all.
“(Y/N)!” Dean said.
(Y/N) quickly turned his head and looked at Dean. “What?”
“Dude, you zoned out there for a minute. You okay?”
“Oh, yeah, I was just, um,” (Y/N) turned back to look at the door, only to see that the mother and her children had disappeared, making him wonder just how long he had been out of it. “Just thinking,” he turned back to Sam and Dean.
“About what?” Sam asked as he took a bite of his food.
(Y/N) pursed his lips and looked down. He began to fiddle with his fingers. “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Just thinking about when I was a kid and I used to do Halloween. It’s stupid, I know, but I remember having so much fun,” a smirk played in the corner of his lips. “Thought about how, one year, I wanted to dress up as a pirate with a peg leg, eyepatch, the works. Then another year I wanted to be Batman. Then the next year it was Spiderman. My mom would always tell me ‘That’s not the kind of outfit girls wear’ and then make me wear some stupid dress.”
Sam and Dean gazed at him, a look of sympathy on their face. (Y/N) finally looked up and glanced between the brothers. He inhaled sharply and placed his hands flat on the table.
“Anyway,” he stood up from the booth. “I’m done with my food if the waitress comes by to take them. I’m going to go to the bathroom before we head back to the motel.” With a tight smile, he turned and walked away from the table.
The brothers watched as he vanished into the bathroom. As soon as he was out of sight, they looked at one another, sharing a knowing gaze.
“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Dean asked.
Sam let out a sigh. He was, indeed, thinking exactly what his brother was thinking. “You know how I feel about Halloween.”
“Come on,” Dean shook his head. “You saw how (Y/N) was. Seems like something he missed out on. Let’s do it for him.”
“You’re right…” Sam paused. “Alright, let’s do it.”
*~*
“Alright, we have ground beef, hamburger buns, frozen pizzas, a bunch of veggies, cereal, milk, eggs, butter, and…” (Y/N) narrowed his eyes as he looked down at the paper. “Canned chickpeas?” He furrowed his brows before he looked over at Sam.
Dean deadpanned and looked at his brother. Sam glanced between the two of them, shrugging his shoulders.
“What?” He asked. “Chickpeas are good!”
(Y/N) pressed his lips together and gave a small, curt nod. He patted Sam on the shoulder. “Whatever you say, Sammy,” he smiled before he turned, reached down, and zipped up his jacket. “And you guys are sure you don’t wanna go? You never miss out on a supply run. I always seem to get things wrong.”
“Yeah,” Dean answered quickly. “We’re sure.”
“We’re still pretty tired from the last hunt,” Sam added.
“Yeah, took a lot out of us,”
“A lot.”
(Y/N) stared at them, a look of suspicion on his face as he studied them momentarily. Sam and Dean had always made a point to go on supply runs when they needed food. They were rather picky about some of the ingredients that they bought, mainly the snacks that they would always put on the list. They never stayed home because a hunt ‘took a lot out of them’. Even hunts that had taken them weeks to complete and copious amounts of back-breaking work never seemed to tire them out enough to constitute them staying home. Something was up, but (Y/N) didn’t know what it could have been.
“Right…” (Y/N) drew out. “Well, I’m gonna need the keys.” He held out a hand to Dean.
Dean slowly raised his brows, glanced down at (Y/N)’s open palm, and then looked back up at him. “Keys?” He asked in a small voice.
“Yeah, keys. To Baby.”
“Well, uh…can’t you…can’t you take another car? I mean, you’ve never driven Baby before and I wouldn’t want your first time-”
“There’s more trunk space in the Impala than any other car we have here. There are three fully grown adults I need to shop for. I need the space. Keys.”
“Right, right,” Dean slowly reached into his pocket and hesitantly took out the keys to the Impala. He held them out to (Y/N). He paused before quickly dropping them in his hand.
(Y/N) smiled. “Thanks,” he pocketed the keys. “And, don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.”
With that, (Y/N) placed his hands into his pockets and walked out of the room. Dean watched him leave, a weary look on his face. He opened his mouth repeatedly as he tried to get words out, but they seemed to be caught in his throat. Before he could say anything, the heavy sound of the bunker door echoed throughout the halls. Dean pressed his lips together tightly and ran his fingers stressfully through his hair. Sam couldn’t help the smirk that appeared on his face.
“You know, this was your idea, right?” He quirked.
“Shut up,” Dean grumbled and placed his hands on his hips. “I just gotta think of something else. Do we have everything?”
“Uh, yeah. Decorations, candy, movies, costumes,” Sam grimaced at the last word he spoke.
“Okay, alright,” Dean clapped his hands together. “I’ll give Cas a call then we can get to work.”
“I’ll grab the stuff,” Sam sauntered out of the library.
Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialed Castiel’s number, and placed the phone against his ear. It didn’t take long before he heard Castiel’s voice on the other end.
“Hey, Cas, (Y/N) just left. We’re ready to get set up. How soon can you be here?”
*~*
“Stupid people don’t know how to fucking drive. Stupid cops for not knowing how to block off a goddamn road.” (Y/N) grumbled as he walked into the bunker, slamming the front door shut. As he descended the steps leading to the War Room, he cupped a hand on the side of his mouth. “Dean! Sam! The supply run was a bust! They have half the route to Salina blocked off because of a high-speed chase or some shit, and I’m not about to spend another hour in the car to get to Grand Island. I’d rather wait until you guys are feeling-”
(Y/N) turned the corner into the library and stopped. His eyes widened as he looked around. Strung along the pillars were purple and orange lights shaped like Jack-O-Lanterns. Orange and black balloons tied to weighted bags were strewn about the place with small bats scattered around each balloon. A banner hung across the room, connected to the center pillars, that read HAPPY HALLOWEEN. The wooden tables were covered with cheap tablecloths, alternating between orange, purple, and black. On the first table was a large, clear, plastic bowl filled with liquid, several smaller bowls with various snacks and candies inside, a plate of those cheap Pillsbury Halloween-themed cookies, a plate of caramel apples, plastic cups, and paper plates. A projector was set up on the next table, facing away from (Y/N). One thing he immediately noticed was that the tables had been pushed together, giving more space along the far wall for a hanging projector screen as well as four beanbag chairs that rested side by side on the floor.
The decorations weren’t the only thing that (Y/N) noticed, however. Standing in the middle of the library were Sam, Dean, and Castiel. Only, they weren’t in their normal outfits. Sam stood tall - taller than he normally did - in black platform shoes, a brown button-up shirt with shoulder pads placed underneath, and tattered jeans. His face, neck, and arms were painted comically green, and plastic screws were placed on his temples, giving him the classic Frankenstein look. Dean, on the other hand, wore a vintage-looking Ghostbusters uniform with Venkman written on the nametag. A bulky black backpack was placed on his shoulders as a makeshift proton pack, and he paired it with his black combat boots. Castiel had the best outfit of them all. He wore a solid black skin-tight outfit that covered his skin from the base of his neck downward, a black hat with long antennae sticking up, clear rounded wings that stuck out beside him, and a black and yellow striped body suit that was slightly too big for his frame.
(Y/N) stood there, taking in all the detail around him, mouth ajar. Sam, Dean, and Castiel looked at one another. Sam and Dean gave slightly awkward smiles. Dean shrugged his shoulders and gestured around him.
“Surprise!” He said.
The exclamation shook (Y/N) out of the trance he had been in. He let out a breathy laugh. “What’s all this?”
“Well, back at the diner, you said that you had always wanted to dress up for Halloween as what you wanted, but never got the chance to,” Sam began.
“So, Sam and I had the idea that, since you didn’t get to dress up as you wanted to when you were little, we might as well give you a chance to do it now.” Dean finished.
“But…you guys hate Halloween.” (Y/N) couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face, his heart swelling up with warmth and appreciation.
“I don’t hate Halloween. Ebenezer Scrooge over here does,” Dean gestured towards his brother.
“Ebenezer Scrooge hates Christmas, Dean,” Sam deadpanned.
“Eh, toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe.” Dean shrugged. “And since we didn’t want you to dress up by yourself for this, we got costumes of our own. I’m Peter Venkman, the best Ghostbuster, Gigantor is Frankenstein, and then Cas is-”
“I’m a Honey Bee,” Castiel said with a bright, proud smile.
(Y/N) chuckled. “I can see that,” he said and walked closer to them. “Guys, you didn’t have to do this for me.”
“We didn’t have to, but we wanted to,” Sam said. “We saw how much it meant to you and figured that we could forget about hunting for one night if that meant you would have a great time. Oh!” Sam turned and walked over to the table with the projector on it. He pulled out one of the chairs and grabbed a plastic Walmart sack. He held it out to (Y/N). “We got you a couple of costumes as well. We didn’t know what you would have wanted, so we got a variety.”
(Y/N) graciously accepted the bag and brought it close to him. “Thank you, but, I actually had a costume that I’ve been saving for a rainy day. It’ll take me about thirty minutes to get everything ready, but I promise I’ll be quick!”
With a pep in his step, (Y/N) hurried out of the library before any of them could say a word. He jogged down the endless hallways until he got to his room. When he walked inside, he tossed the bag onto the bed and rushed to the other side of his bed. He got down on his knees, reached underneath the frame, and pulled out a storage trunk. He unclipped the locks and revealed the contents, the smile never leaving his face.
As he got ready, he could feel the excitement flooding his body. The idea that he would finally be able to show off the skills that he had gathered from years of practice made him happier than he had been in a while. He was still in a state of shock. He couldn’t believe the extent the boys had gone to to make him happy. To live out a childhood memory that he held so near and dear to his heart. To give him the proper memories that he wished he could have had when he was little. He had to stop now and then to compose himself as he thought about it, but they weren’t sad, regretful tears like he would have normally shed. They were happy tears. Joyous tears. Tears that he didn’t mind shedding, but not while he was getting ready. He would shed them later. Everything had to be perfect.
Forty-five minutes later, (Y/N) was ready. He had given himself a pep-talk, double-checked his references from his past attempts at the makeup style he had chosen, and checked to make sure his outfit was on correctly in the full mirror that was placed in the corner of his room. When everything had been looked over and he felt satisfied with the result, he walked out of his bedroom and headed back towards the library. The sound of his boots echoed throughout the hallway.
“Sorry it took so long,” he said as he rounded the corner. “I just had to get everything right.”
He stopped a little ways away from the group, who sat at one of the tables. Their eyes shifted to him as soon as he walked in. Each of them scanned him up and down, studying his outfit.
(Y/N) wore a short blonde wig that was slicked back neatly so that no strand was out of place, black sunglasses, an earpiece over his left ear with a microphone that stopped at the corner of his lips, a blue button-up with the sleeves rolled halfway up his arms and the S.T.A.R.S logo on his left sleeve, a combat vest equipped with a radio that the earpiece connected to, black pants with a holster strapped to his right thigh, black fingerless gloves, and black boots with laces tied neatly at the top. He had added some definition to his face with the help of makeup, sharpening the edges of his jaw and cheekbones.
Sam raised his brows. “Woah,” he said.
“That’s awesome!” Dean smiled. “Are you that one guy from that videogame you showed me? What was it? Silent Hill or something?”
“Close. Resident Evil. I’m Albert Wesker,” (Y/N) held out his arms.
“How did you get your face to look like that?” Dean narrowed his eyes as he stood to get a better look.
“Makeup.”
“Makeup can change the appearance of your face like that?” Castiel asked with his head slightly tilted to the side, the antennae on top of his head shifting with his movements.
“Yeah! It’s all about placement and what products you use.”
“Where did you learn to do that?” Dean asked.
“I’ve been practicing for years.”
“So, wait,” Sam stood. “You’ve cosplayed before?”
“Well, not out in public I haven’t, but I’ve been working on my cosplays for a couple of years, trying out different styles and techniques. It was the closest thing that I ever came to dressing up for Halloween.”
“Why didn’t you tell us? You’re really good at it!”
“You think so?”
“Yeah! You’re like a whole new person.”
(Y/N) beamed. “Thanks.” He then glanced towards the table and noticed Sam’s laptop had been brought in and hooked up to the projector. He tilted his head. “What’s this?”
Sam looked down at his computer. “Well, what’s a Halloween celebration without horror movies?”
“Yeah! And Cas hasn’t seen Ghostbusters before!” Dean exclaimed, seeming genuinely offended by his own statement. “Ghostbusters! He’s never seen it! Can you believe it?”
“I’ve never understood why people would want to watch a movie based around the idea of being scared.” Castiel shook his head.
“Because, to normal people, it’s make-believe Cas.” (Y/N) answered. “They don’t consider the possibility that there are actual monsters out there killing people. They like to believe that it’s all fictitious plots created by Hollywood. Ghostbusters, though, is more comedy than horror. I think you’ll love it.”
“So are we watching it?” Dean asked.
“Yeah, let’s watch it!”
“Awesome! I’m getting myself some snacks and then we can sit in the beanbag chairs and watch it. My idea, by the way.”
“Oh, it was your idea, really?” (Y/N) asked sarcastically.
“Hey! I wanted us to be comfortable while we watch all these movies!” Dean defended. “Plus, they’re plush! It’s like I’m sitting on a cloud! Sit in one!”
(Y/N) couldn’t help but laugh at Dean’s evident enthusiasm. It seemed like he was just as excited about the Halloween party as (Y/N) had been. “Let me get snacks first and then we can get settled.”
“I’ll get the movie up,” Sam said as he sat down at his computer.
Once the movie was connected, the three of them got their snacks while Castiel went to take a seat in one of the beanbag chairs. They were, soon, all nestled in their own chair, watching various Halloween films on the projector screen. Dean was right, it did feel like he was sitting on a cloud. They talked, laughed, made fun of the cheesy jumpscares, criticized some of the terrible lore, and explained different plot points to Castiel whenever he had a question.
In the end, (Y/N) had the most fun that he had in a long time. It had been years since he was able to feel that way about Halloween, and it brought back some good childhood memories, and the moments that they shared seemingly rewrote the bad ones, replacing them with a core memory he would never forget. He was thankful for Sam, Dean, and Castiel. He was lucky to have them in his life. He was thankful that they took the time to plan their little ‘Halloween Party’. Even though it wasn’t as extravagant as some of the parties (Y/N) had been to when he was younger, nor the ones he had seen on movies and television, he wouldn’t have it any other way. He was able to spend some quality time with the boys, show off his cosplaying skills, and watch those horror movies he had grown to know and love.
That Halloween was the best one he ever had;
And he couldn’t wait to convince the boys to do it again next year.
#Supernatural#supernatural#spn#SPN#supernatural x reader#Supernatural x Reader#SPN x Reader#spn x reader#Halloween#Happy Halloween#Dean Winchester#dean winchester#Sam Winchester#sam winchester#Castiel#castiel#Team Free Will#team free will#Team Free Will x Reader#team free will x reader#trans!reader#ftm!reader#request#Supernatural Imagine#supernatural imagine#Supernatural Scribe#supernatural scribe
41 notes
·
View notes
Note
Alright I’ll be ✨nosy✨ if you’re still willing to talk about it— what’s going on with your roommate?
yeah i’ll talk about it!! i haven’t moved out yet so i guess i’ll update if anyone is curious how that goes. here’s the story because it’s kind of long:
anyway i’m a trans man right, but i’m closeted because it probably wouldn’t be safe to come out to my very republican family, so i basically live my life as a woman. and because it’s not safe for my parents to know this, i keep a list in my notes app of everyone i’ve come out to that i know irl. i made it when i was like sixteen and jokingly called it my “hit list” and never really thought much about it after that except updating it whenever i trusted someone enough to open up to them about my identity
i now attend a university in chicago and i have two roommates and two other suitemates who are all women. i’m not out to them because it just didn’t really come up and i didn’t want to make them uncomfortable rooming with a man yknow? i’m used to being closeted it was okay
anyway about two weeks ago now, on the sunday before halloween, i’m in the common lounge area of the floor we live on talking to a few people i’m out to and i told them about my “hit list”. i was being vague because one of my roommates was there but not really listening and i didn’t want to out myself, but regardless i was saying this in a very jokey and lighthearted way, like, a way that should have made it extremely obvious that i am not going to actually kill anyone. because duh? should be obvious it’s just a joke
fast forward to halloween (tuesday); it’s like 11:30pm and i’m alone in our room almost done with my homework. i get a knock at my door and go to open it to find it’s an RA i’ve never met before, who says we have to have a conversation in the RA office downstairs. he tells me someone who heard me saying this (i have a sneaking suspicion it’s one of my “friends”) reported me and i have to explain myself to a worker on the protocol phone line. so i have to vaguely and very uncomfortably out myself, and i’m really emotional and pissed off, but whatever, i’m told the situation is cleared. (my roommates don’t sleep in our room that night and they told me they just didn’t wanna wake me so they had a sleepover with some of our friends.)
anyway the next morning i’m on the train to come back from a class i have in another part of the city and i get an extremely rude email from a dean of students telling me we have to have a meeting at a specific time; he didn’t even ask for my availability. i think the situation is cleared already but i go anyway, really mad about it. so we meet and he’s SO condescending, talking about how what i did is like yelling “fire” in a crowded theater (not true at all?) but eventually i get through to him and he resolves the situation.
but my roommates don’t sleep in the room that night either, which is when it starts to get weird, so i try to ask but they’re kind of icing me out of our entire friend group. eventually one of them tells me they’ve been told to stay in temp housing and they can’t sleep in our room. they tell me they’re not even supposed to talk to me or know the situation.
so i send an angry email to the dean and he calls me on the phone the next day—patronizing as ever—and i tell my roommates they can come back as soon as they’re back from their weekend trip back to their hometown (because, oh yeah, they’re childhood friends from a small town, and i’m their randomly selected third person)
so they do and everything is normal for a little while, but weirdly they don’t ask about it and don’t want to hear about what happened when i offer to tell them. whatever i just don’t talk about it then and we pretend nothing happened.
until about a week ago when our building’s RD emails all five of us saying we have to have a meeting to “process feelings and impacts” or some shit. none of us can agree on a time until we finally meet two nights ago. and that’s when everything goes to shit, because as soon as i re-explain the situation everyone starts freaking the fuck out
basically they are shaking and/or crying saying shit like “you can never say that in a joking way” “that’s never something to joke about” “i’m just worried l like what if it’s real” “so there is a list” “i’ve had panic attacks” “we all lay awake at night wondering if something will happen” “[other roommate] and i lost a pair of scissors and we were freaking out”
the conclusion of this meeting is that they all want me to leave. over a joke i made one time. and the fucked up part is because the dean cleared me, i don’t have to do anything and nobody from admin can make me leave. but my roommates avoid me at all costs and haven’t even been sleeping in the room or coming in more than like for one second once a day to grab something since that meeting happened. so now i don’t want to stay here anyway, since our whole friend group also lives on this floor of this building and i can’t stand to see them all hanging out without me all the time it’s horrible. but i also live in the best freshman residence hall and we’re all in a living learning community so i don’t want to leave this building
the three options i have right now:
move right now into an open spot on a sophomore-only floor of this building (i want this the most but it is NOT likely admin will let this happen)
move into temp housing in a worse building and then move back into a spot on a freshman floor that will only open up after the semester is over (i want to stay in this building so i’d hate the temp housing plus it’s like moving twice within one school year which sounds like torture)
stay here for the rest of this semester and then move into that spot that will open up after the semester is over (i just want to get out of here atp since half the people that live here are either avoiding me or being avoided by me)
sorry for how long this post is lmfao. i’m having a meeting on monday or tuesday probably to discuss the options and see which one i will go with
3 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Tilly’s Trans Tuesdays episode 19:
Parenthood can be a complicated topic for trans people, be it in relation to our own parents, or in relation to us as parents ourselves. Why are parental roles so gendered, and what's it like when you transition after your kids are already born? Let's find out. We welcome cartoonist Mae Dean back to the show to discuss, and you'll also learn how low necklines help you vent excess heat, and how everything we know about having respectful disagreements we learned from Star Trek.
Hosted by Tilly Bridges and Susan Bridges. Sound mixing by Jillian Morgan. Available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Samsung Podcasts, and more!
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tillys-trans-tuesdays/id1661980695
#Pendant#Pendant Productions#pendant audio#tilly's trans tuesdays#transgender#trans#audio#internet radio#podcast#podcasting
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Answering Why: An Analysis of the March 27th, 2023 Nashville Shooting
I’ve been following talk around the Nashville shooting since the evening of March 27th. It seems that one of the biggest questions that has been left unanswered is why. The police have Hale’s Manifesto and Hale reportedly left clues in regards to the motivations behind the incident. However, detailed information in regards to the motivation has yet to been released to the public in a manner that I can read them.
Therefore, I have decided to put on my Detective cap on and have listed out minor details about the incident.
The shooter, 28-year-old Hale, left writings pertaining to the shooting and had scouted a second possible attack location in Nashville, “but because of a threat assessment by the suspect – there’s too much security – decided not to,” Drake said on Monday.
The investigation all found maps that suggested that Hale made plans to attack a local mall and family members. I’m unsure if the mall was the primary target or a tertiary target.
Hale was a former student at The Covenant School, the school that suffered the tragedy. While it would have been around 17 years since attendance, this gives Hale prior knowledge of the grounds.
Speaking to NBC News, Drake suggested that “resentment for having to go to that school” may have been a factor in the attack.
Hale has been identified as a high functioning autistic individual. (Hale also identifies as transgender; that has been circulated throughout the media.)
One source claimed that Hale came out to her parents as gay twenty years ago. Not sure if the timing is credible, however no counterclaims exist.
Hale, had legally bought seven firearms -- including an AR-15 and two others used in Monday's attack -- and hidden them at home, Metro Nashville Police Chief John Drake said Tuesday. The guns were purchased between October 2020 and June 2022, police spokesman Don Aaron said. Hale had been purchasing guns more than three years prior to the shooting.
In an Instagram message to Averianna Patton, a Nashville radio host, just before 10 a.m. Monday, the shooter said “I’m planning to die today” and that it would be on the news. “One day this will make more sense,” Hale wrote. “I’ve left more than enough evidence behind. But something bad is about to happen.”
Some reports note Hale going through the lost of a romantic partner. Hale wrote about missing the partner and posted photos of the two playing basketball together, said Maria Colomy, who taught Hale in 2017 at the Nossi College of Art & Design in Nashville. "She had been openly grieving about that on social media, and during the grieving is when she announced that she wanted to be addressed as a male," Colomy told the Times on Tuesday.
The guns were decorated with stickers, while one of the rifles had the word “hell” written on it. Image of a rifle revealed the name “Aiden”.
Her work that she submitted under AH Illustrations have been taken notice due to the event. Hale artwork covers a wide range where two extremes are represented: the disturbing and the childlike.
One artwork contained the phrase, “To be a kid, forever and ever.” Hale’s bio contained the phrase “on a mission to change the world.” Hale wrote that aside from art, video games movies and playing sports were additional hobbies. Hale also noted a love for animals, having two cats.
The Trans Resistance Network (TRN), a far-left transgender "collective," released an inflammatory statement on Monday in the wake of the Covenant School shooting by transgender woman Audrey Hale in Nashville that killed three 9-year-olds and three adults.
Possible theories:
Dr. Katherine Koonce held the highest position of the six victims. If Hale was taking a chess like mindset, Koonce could have been the main target. Koonce was involved with the school system since 2000. Koonce worked as the the academic dean at CPA before she left to lead Covenant School in 2016. If Hale had to attend that highschool, the two would have had the opportunity to associate during Hale’s highschool career. However, this is a whole lot of ifs.
The theory that I am most interested lies in the relationship between Hale and the romantic interest (who I believe was referred to as Syd cannot confirm at this time). However, if Hale chose to wipe his Facebook profile, then perhaps Syd doesn’t play as large a factor as Facebook would have guided leads to want-to-be-detectives.
Hale’s actions could be a response to the legislation of Tennessee that hinders trans rights. The state was reported to consider bathroom restrictions in 2016 and caught movement during the time that Hale began to stockpile weapons.
It would appear that a major goal was Hale’s own death. Hale seemed to believe that this event would lead to demise through the sent Instagram message.
More so, Hale seemed to want to send a message while departing the world. See, would Hale have simply committed suicide, Hale’s death would not be national news. Yet as an aspiring artist, Hale wanted the final hour to bare a message.
A fair amount of mass shooters could sum up as “hurt the world as much as possible before it destroys you rather than let the world slowly chip at you.” Based on Hale’s gender identity, family upbringing and societal environment, this could be part of the motive.
The death of a romantic interest might add upon the motive: ‘Why continue to live in this world when the only one who accepted the real me is gone from it?’
Hale’s obsession with childlike concepts prompts splitting theories. A (super dark) outlook could reason that Hale saw adulthood as something to flee from. Externally, Hale could have reasoned that killing the children would be merciful than to allow them to turn into adults. Internally, Hale’s inner battle to hold onto childhood as the world seems to want to force them to change results in a loss of innocence that violently lashes out.
Finally, Hale decorated rifle lends itself to a combination of influences: the stickers symbolizing the loss of childlike innocence and the cruelty of adulthood, the inscription of Hell as a damning exclamation to the Christian based community in which Hale takes Hell’s side or condemns the victim, and the imprint of Aiden as a final cry of identification to a world that refused to acknowledged.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
fic recs 2.0!
hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest
Canonverse
I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)
I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.
Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.
"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.
a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it
on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)
“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”
hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible
dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)
Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.
dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh
Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)
Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.
hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !
walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)
Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.
S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god
the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)
Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."
MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god
Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)
Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.
Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs
JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS.
hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)
Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.
they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah
Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)
In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.
sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...
an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)
Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.
The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.
hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life
Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)
This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny.
ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...
love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)
ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!
These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.
for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot
the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)
“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”
“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.
And it used to belong to someone else.
this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out
Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)
Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.
cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much
Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)
The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.
written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3
sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)
"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.
very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good
Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)
“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”
Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.
early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please
Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)
Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.
Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.
oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot
all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)
“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”
Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.
“I mean it,” Dean insisted.
“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”
hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good
The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)
He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.
this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading
till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)
Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.
hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3
First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)
“We should go on a date. You and me.”
Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.
“I’m asking you out, Cas.”
this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together
Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)
Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”
op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible
the shape you take by noviembre (10k)
“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”
And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”
Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:
Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.
Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”
--
Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.
dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you
Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)
Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).
yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?
you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)
Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.
Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.
love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean
The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)
While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.
a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible
No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)
“We should fuck,” Dean says.
Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.
There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.
Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”
literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex
Bodies by Speary (18k)
It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.
i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality
it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)
So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.
“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”
“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.
Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.
“What do you remember, Cas?”
“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."
or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?
BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.
More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)
Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.
He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.
Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.
this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!
Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)
"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."
Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.
Dean was done with this shit.
***
Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.
it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease
I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)
His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.
His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.
this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this
To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)
Title: Just One of Those Things
Author: Impala67
Series: TOS
Rating: M
Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.
In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.
mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this
where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)
“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”
this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot
Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)
After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.
Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.
yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3
Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)
In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.
(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)
cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much
Emergence by ellispark (58k)
Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.
A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.
another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god
a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)
Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.
Frigging fantastic.
(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)
cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved
Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)
Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds
Or
An ethics lesson from Hell
Or
The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.
deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended
Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)
Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.
There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.
Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.
With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.
saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read
Casefic/Roadtrip Fic
Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)
Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.
He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.
Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.
Castiel stills.
“Dean?”
the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much
before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)
The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.
chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now
we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)
Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.
fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.
thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)
After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.
OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.
this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good
Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)
It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.
actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this
best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)
It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.
the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this
the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)
This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.
alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times
Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)
Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.
Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.
Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.
hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much
Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)
Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.
Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?
one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3
Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial
Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)
Based on the tumblr textpost:
jellydeans:
so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time
katebushstandean:
#jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store
this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face
Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)
“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.
Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.
“What is it, Cas?”
“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.
“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”
There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.
dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.
tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)
Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.
It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.
Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.
Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.
Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.
i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much
Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)
Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.
Dean will tell him—
Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.
cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3
dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)
Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.
Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.
obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny
Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)
The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.
Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.
the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good
Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)
When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:
Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.
The reality of the moment is this:
It’s fucking cold.
dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences
my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)
“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.
The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.
--
In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.
one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am
killing time by orestespdf (11k)
It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.
(A character study of Castiel.)
perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.
and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)
Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.
--
aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.
a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah
for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)
'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken
"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "
Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.
mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD
swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)
Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.
Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.
this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through
looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)
"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."
Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.
EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal
what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)
It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.
~~~
"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"
"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."
deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic
Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)
Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.
So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.
And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.
"Hello, Dean."
oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this
break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)
The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.
SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss
ascend by quiettewandering (53k)
Something in the world is wrong.
Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.
But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.
Or can it?
SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should
oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)
Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.
~~~
"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"
Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.
Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.
"What?" Dean grits out.
"I love you, too."
the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying
Endverse
final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)
“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”
"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."
endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god
The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)
The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."
this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds
to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)
cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.
oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao
the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)
The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.
this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach
Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)
There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.
The outcome's known. Why try?
Return your rusty sword to battered sheath,
bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why
take the field when you cannot win the war?
But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.
PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.
Non Supernatural AUS
Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)
Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”
Reflexively, Dean laughs.
Castiel does not.
“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”
look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it
One White Lie by komodobits (11k)
Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.
He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”
do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.
separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)
Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.
~~~
For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.
God, he's so fucking stupid.
Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.
"Three years ago," Cas prompts.
Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."
this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please
Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)
The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.
(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).
this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him
Non Destiel Centric
gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)
sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want?
HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god.
the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)
Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.
required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good
Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)
In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)
for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3
Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)
Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."
this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this
472 notes
·
View notes
Text
Listen, while I’m a huge fan of the: “Dean transitioned when he was young as he was shown to have short hair and go by Dean in flashbacks-John being so unsupportive he’s actually an accidental ally by getting Dean hormones and shit”
I wanna go off to the side a bit and say: “Dean didn’t actually transition until after both Sam and John left (maybe John left because Dean came out to him?) and while he was mainly able to wear what he wanted when he was younger because boy clothes were more practical, John would make him dress hyperfeminine when he needed to get information off of suspects or witnesses. Dean hated it, but he was a good soldier and did it for the mission. He probably realized pretty early on he’s a boy, but was too scared to say anything until Sam left.”
#supernatural#dean winchester#spn#sam winchester#john winchester#john winchesters a+ parenting#trans dean winchester#trans dean tuesday
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
The (Incomplete) List of Queer Movies With Actual Happy Endings
Disclaimer- I am a white lesbian, so while I have seen and enjoyed all of these movies, I do not have capital knowledge on what is and isn’t problematic or inaccurate
Gods Own Country (mlm)
A young farmer numbs his frustrations with drinking and casual sex until a Romanian migrant worker sets him on a new path.
Laurence Anyways (trans mtf, wlw)
In the '90s, Laurence tells his girlfriend, Fred, that he wants to become a woman; they confront the prejudices of their friends, ignore the council of their families and brave the phobias of the society they offend.
Were The World Mine (mlm)
A gay teen (Tanner Cohen) uses a love potion to turn close-minded townspeople into homosexuals, including the handsome jock with whom he is secretly in love.
The Birdcage (mlm)
In this remake of the classic French farce "La Cage aux Folles," engaged couple Val Goldman (Dan Futterman) and Barbara Keeley (Calista Flockhart) shakily introduce their future in-laws. Val's father, Armand (Robin Williams), a gay Miami drag club owner, pretends to be straight and attempts to hide his relationship with Albert (Nathan Lane), his life partner and the club's flamboyant star attraction, so as to please Barbara's father, controversial Republican Sen. Kevin Keeley (Gene Hackman).
Kiss Me (wlw)
A young woman engaged to be married finds herself in an affair with her soon-to-be stepmother's lesbian daughter.
Handsome Devil (mlm)
Two opposites, a loner and the top athlete become friends at a rugby-obsessed boarding school, and the authorities test their friendship.
Pride (mixed)
Realising that they share common foes in Margaret Thatcher, the police and the conservative press, London-based gay and lesbian activists lend their support to striking miners in 1984 Wales.
Boy Meets Girl (trans mtf)
Ricky, a 21-year-old transgender young woman living in Virginia, dreams of becoming a designer in New York.
Moonlight (mlm, poc)
A look at three defining chapters in the life of Chiron, a young black man growing up in Miami. His epic journey to manhood is guided by the kindness, support and love of the community that helps raise him.
The Handmaiden (wlw, poc)
With help from an orphaned pickpocket (Kim Tae-ri), a Korean con man (Ha Jung-woo) devises an elaborate plot to seduce and bilk a Japanese woman (Kim Min-hee) out of her inheritance.
North Sea Texas (mlm)
A teenager searching for love finds it in the boy next door.
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (poc)
Three drag queens travel cross-country until their car breaks down, leaving them stranded in a small town.
Saving Face (wlw, poc)
Wil (Michelle Krusiec) is a lesbian, but she not dare tell her widowed mother, Hwei-lan (Joan Chen), or her very traditional grandparents. She's shocked, however, to find out she's not the only one in her family with romantic secrets when she learns that her 48-year-old mother is pregnant. Unwilling to reveal who the father is, Hwei-lan is kicked out of her parents' home and must move in with Wil, which puts a strain on Wil's budding relationship with openly gay Vivian (Lynn Chen).
4th Man Out (mlm)
After celebrating his 24th birthday, a mechanic (Evan Todd) decides to tell his three buddies (Parker Young, Chord Overstreet) that he is gay.
The Danish Girl (trans mtf, wlw)
With support from his loving wife Gerda (Alicia Vikander), artist Einar Wegener (Eddie Redmayne) prepares to undergo one of the first sex-change operations.
The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert (trans mtf)
When drag queen Anthony (Hugo Weaving) agrees to take his act on the road, he invites fellow cross-dresser Adam (Guy Pearce) and transsexual Bernadette (Terence Stamp) to come along. In their colorful bus, named Priscilla, the three performers travel across the Australian desert performing for enthusiastic crowds and homophobic locals. But when the other two performers learn the truth about why Anthony took the job, it threatens their act and their friendship.
Romeos (trans ftm, mlm)
Lucas, a transgendered woman becoming a man, is stuck in a female residential hall.
52 Tuesdays (trans ftm)
A teenage girl's road to adulthood and independence is accelerated when her mum says he wants to become a man, and limits their time together to Tuesday afternoons.
Esteros (mlm, poc)
Matias and Jeronimo's friendship takes a new turn during the holiday before starting high school, when they both experience their sexual awakening.
The Half of It (wlw, poc)
A shy, introverted student helps the school jock woo a girl whom, secretly, they both want.
Pariah (wlw, poc)
Teenage Alike (Adepero Oduye) lives in Brooklyn's Fort Greene neighborhood with her parents (Charles Parnell, Kim Wayans) and younger sister (Sahra Mellesse). A lesbian, Alike quietly embraces her identity and is looking for her first lover, but she wonders how much she can truly confide in her family, especially with her parents' marriage already strained. When Alike's mother presses her to befriend a colleague's daughter (Aasha Davis), Alike finds the gal to be a pleasant companion.
Big Eden (mlm)
Henry Hart (Arye Gross) is a young gay artist living in New York City. When his grandfather has a stroke, Henry puts his career on hold and returns home to the small town of Big Eden, Montana, to care for him. While there, Henry hopes to strike up a romance with Dean Stewart (Tim DeKay), his high-school best friend for whom he still has feelings. But he's surprised when he finds that Pike (Eric Schweig), a quiet Native American who owns the local general store, may have a crush on him.
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
some stuff that would be different in my version of hbo supernatural (season 3)
season 1 season 2
THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN
sam searches about the faustian pact both in goethe’s and thomas mann’s faust
“who the hell are you?” “i’m the girl who just saved your ass” “well, me too”
THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT
“why are you following me?” “i’m interested in you” “why?” “because youre tall and tall women are sexy as fuck” sam’s brain was short circuited for a sec because her height usually makes her dysphoric
ben is dean’s son idc!!! i’ll elaborate on that more on the s5 post
BAD DAY IN BLACK ROCK
“thats my division championship soccer trophy, can’t believe dad kept this” “yeah probably the closest you ever came to being a boy… shit, was it too much?” “yep” “oh fuck sammy i’m so sorry you know i didn’t mean it, it really wasn’t my intention to-” “dean i know i’m just fucking with you lol”
SIN CITY
richie's meeting the winchesters would yield the terrible dialogue “this is my sister uhn… cheryl. well, you know, stepsister” “sure, this is my sister sam” “oh sure she is!”
also samruby weirdass flirting (“if you don’t want my help, fine! give me the gun and i’ll pass it on to someone who will use it” “maybe i’ll just use it on you” “oooh that would be so fucking hot.”)
A VERY SUPERNATURAL CHRISTMAS
the trans panic moment! (“barbie sapphire?" “dad probably thinks you’re a girl” “whywouldhethinkthat???” “dude relax, i’m just kidding” “oh… right…”)
also their christmas on present day!!! (“woo-hoo, a very huge bottle of ranch dressing and a concealer that’s about three shades lighter than my skin” “like it? “love it”)
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM OF ME
jeremy had full access of sam’s head while she was asleep (which explains his curious choice of all the ways to immobilize sam he chose precisely crucify her)
that being said, he starts to throw all of sam’s paranoia on her face (“you’re calling me a psycho? c’mon samantha, even though your visions have stopped, both you and i know how unclean you are. headaches after praying, nose bleeding when talking in latin, what’s your next step? burn in holy ground? it’s only a matter of time for your brother find out the freak you are”)
MYSTERY SPOT
don’t get me wrong, i love asia - heat of the moment but considering that this is a sam’s episode, would make much more sense if the song playing in the radio in the morning were a song that sam liked, which, of course, after the thousands of tuesdays, she started to hate
and the song in question is scissor sisters - i can’t decide because yes, my hbo sam loves scissor sisters
*the first notes of the song playing* “oh fuck off sammy, did you change the radio station last night?" "no i didn't" "so why the hell is it playing your gay music?"
gabriel did it but anyway
*in unison* “sam winchester makes up like a toddler, sam winchester drools while she sleeps, sam winchester doesn’t know how to do a proper braid, sam winchester cries during the sexOKAY ENOUGH”
*nirvana - dumb starts playing on wednesday* “sammy did you change the radio station again?” “OH GOD IT’S NOT PLAYING SCISSOR SISTERS” “at least that, nirvana can be emo but scissors scissors looks like a cat swallowed a banjo”
IN MY TIME OF DYING
some sibling hostility!! (“silk used to be the suture of choice back in early 19th century but it was problematic, patients would get massive infections, death rate was insane” “uhum” “doctors had to do whatever they could to keep infections from spreading, one way was maggots” “sam, i’m eating” “it actually worked because maggots eat bad tissue and leave good tissue” “again, i’m still eating” “get this, when they found our guy, his body cavity was stuffed full of maggots” “SAMANTHA, I’M SERIOUS!”)
And more!! (“alright, where’s he doing the deed?” “benton likes dense forest with access to a river or some kind of fresh water” “why?” “because that’s where he likes to dump the bile and intestines, and the fecal matter” “stop smiling” “what? lost your appetite yet?” “nope and i gonna piss your backpack later”
NO REST FOR THE WICKED
when sam summons ruby, her nose doesn't bleed, unlike practically every time she does an exorcism
“i can’t save your brother but you can” “what?” “sam, you’ve got some god-given talent. well, not god-given but you understand” “the psychic crap? its gone since the yellow eyes died” “not gone, dormant. and not just the visions either” “what do you mean?” “c’mon, you know you’re different and you always thought you were wrong because of it but you’re not, you just have to embrace it.”
#supernatural#trans sam winchester#hbo supernatural#samruby#spn season 3#lesbian sam winchester#transfem sam#kripke era#mine
56 notes
·
View notes
Text
wait its tuesday i had my top surgery 3 weeks ago today. happy tits off tuesday my trans dean brethren
39 notes
·
View notes
Note
hey asshole gaysie whatare some of ur fav fics? you led me to dta so hand out some reads bonch...
oh wow im no longer homophobic gaysie ive graduated to asshole gaysie good for me! i was going to be like i actually haven’t read that many but then i started making a list and oh that’s a lot actually
and this your living kiss. obviously poet dean is THE classic i literally spent a whole afternoon printing it out on a public printer because i love it that much and wanted to hold it
empty spaces. legally im sorry for reccomending this but this is the only fic that sent me full on sobbing like i started reading on the tuesday of finals week at midnight and could not stop until 3am and the last chapter is genuinely one of the best emotional payoffs ive ever read. AU but feels more true to canon than half the canon compliants i’ve read the characterwork is insane and it’s my favorite cas to ever
so says the sword by komodobits. instructions unclear dick stuck in the michael sword!
Bron-Yr-Aur aka wtf gay little jack by ezra!!!!!!!
where the weeds take root by deathbanjo - aka the chicken fic. post canon domesticity but it’s not like boring or shitty it’s sooooo good
like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers - remember when jensen said dean turned tricks. yeah
crazy diamonds by pantheon_of_discord - late season dean who is married to cas and season 4 dean swap places and it’s everything you want from that. stream long story short!
no resting place by domesticadventures - i dont want to spoil it
all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers - trans dean fic
four letter word for intercourse - technically a phonesex hotline bdsm au but really i lived for the dramatic irony of dean and cas sitting at the library doing work together for MONTHS and NEVER KNOWING
the way back by rainylemons - canon divergent after s5, cas works at taco bell while he and dean take care of a traumatized sam. really loved this one for how good it was at showing dean’s kindness
well everybody’s got a secret, sonny - dean and sam both think the other is being homophobic but turns out they’re gay brothers solidarity
muscle memory by komodobits. anterograde amnesia fluff au but it like made me tear up GOD HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH
Stupid with a Flare Gun by remmyme nsfw 5x03 free to be you and me scene.
45 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi for the love of 🍓
Ohhhh Gene! You're literally so fucking funny. Every time you leave tags on either my post or one you've reblogged from me I always end up laughing like an idiot. You coming up with days of the week like titty fuck Tuesday and trans Dean Thursday lmao literally iconic. Also your theory that there are actually 5 Misha's all running around doing different things still makes me fucking insane lmaooo. That it wasn't the bad lighting in spn, one of the clones just looks like that. Oh and we're literally birthday twins???? How can you not immediately be one of my favorite people???
~
mutuals send me a 🍓 and I'll compliment you
#I went back and looked at our messages for the Misha thing cuz I couldn't quite remember what it was#I remembered you had a funny Misha theory#anyway I laughed all over again#you're literally iconic#ask elliot#sundryvillains#strawberry ask 🍓
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
What happened with Kora @princesshamlet: A start at contextualizing the events of the past week
While I am writing this because Kora expressed that they would like it if someone would post something contextualizing what happened, I do not speak for them; my opinions and perspective are my own. I think the general response has been wildly disproportionate to their actual words and actions. Let me know if you have questions about anything or if my writing style is hard to read and I’ll do my best to clarify.
Tl;dr: Last fall, Kora, a new Supernatural fan, started rewriting Supernatural to be more racially diverse and to more overtly address social issues such as homophobia and misogyny. They continually asked for feedback, particularly from POC, and received overwhelmingly positive responses.
Earlier this week, Kora posted something that unintentionally played into ideas that harm trans men. They were horrified to have hurt people, immediately apologized and made an effort to learn more about the issues involved.
Yesterday, some of Kora’s friends cut them off, presumably over the abovementioned. Some people read Kora’s Supernatural rewrite and were offended by portrayals of various ethnicities; Kora tried to learn from these criticisms and apologize for them. People organized to spread bad-faith, extremely hostile claims and Kora left Tumblr.
Background:
- last fall, Kora started watching Supernatural, and posting about it, including making some popular reaction videos and an elaborate summary of the events of season 16 as of mid-November. They got really attached to Cas as a character and DeanCas as a ship.
- Kora made a post along the lines of “what if I drew Castiel as Indian?” and got encouraging responses, so they made a drawing. A lot of Desi people left comments saying that they really liked the drawing and that the representation was meaningful to them, so Kora started posting and reblogging a lot more about recasting Supernatural to be racially diverse.
- Kora accumulates a lot of ideas around how they wish Supernatural had been, and starts casually writing it up into a story. It didn’t even have a title for the first few chapters, but it quickly amassed a small, enthusiastic following.
- I started reading it at first mostly as a way of getting to know Kora, who was at the time a new friend irl (they didn’t mean to give me their Tumblr; I had followed them for Hamlet and Star Trek posts and then recognized them when they posted a selfie) but wound up getting pretty invested. I started watching Supernatural despite the fact that I can pretty much never commit to finishing a TV show.
- Kora’s general strategy was to post ideas on Tumblr and get input before including them in the fic, particularly regarding race and ethnicity. Plenty of people gave them feedback -- I remember one really long conversation where people swapped headcanons about what music a Mexican-American Dean Winchester would have liked growing up.
- iirc, they actively collaborated with multiple Latine fans of the fic on one chapter that foregrounded Mexican-American culture. These fans are credited in an author’s note.
- they received substantial encouragement from Supernatural fans of color for how they were writing the fic, and afaik no negative feedback.
- they also used the fic as a way to discuss and joke about their personal experiences with misogyny, repression, and homophobia, including writing Dean Winchester as undergoing a character arc involving working through and overcoming severe homophobia. When we called recently, they described going from homophobic to not homophobic as “the best character arc a man can have.”
- afaik they had beta readers or at least people to run ideas by for most chapters.
First incident:
- earlier this week, Kora posted a somewhat poorly-worded vent post about Dean Winchester’s misogyny in Supernatural canon.
- I think I reblogged it because I don’t have super high standards for my SPN blog and yeah, afaict Dean said some pretty gross things in canon? I’d seen a lot of people talk about it, particularly Asian women, it’s clearly a thing.
- several people expressed hurt at the post’s wording, which could be read as bigoted against trans men.
- Kora immediately apologized and started looking for ways to learn more about trans men’s issues (afaict, mostly asking friends and going through the trans dean tag)
- they messaged me about it (Tuesday 4/13/2021), and I took a closer look at the post and explained how in isolation it looked harmless, but some of the rhetoric fit into wider patterns of transandrophobia, i.e. part of the impetus for this post was Kora being surprised that some of their trans male friends project onto Dean, since he’s a pretty bad role model for gender -- I pointed out that one way trans men are marginalized within queer movements is by people perpetuating the idea that we’re more misogynistic than cis men (which makes no sense), and their post could be read as playing into that trope (that reading had occurred to me when I first saw the post, but I had initially dismissed it because Kora and I had been spending a lot of time talking about gender and I never felt that they distrusted me or saw me as a threat).
- they made another hasty apology post, quoting my message to them.
- I encouraged them not to worry too much about what strangers online thought about them, but they were very insistent that they had hurt people and needed to learn and make amends.
- I think what happened next was that the conversation sparked a larger discussion about transandrophobia in the Supernatural fandom? I’m not sure about this though, I was off Tumblr most of Tuesday and Wednesday. I saw a few well-written posts refuting the idea that it was misogynistic to headcanon Dean as trans. I did not see anyone claim it was misogynistic to headcanon Dean as trans, but again, I wasn’t looking.
The Discourse™:
- yesterday, Kora started getting a lot more and a lot meaner messages.
- a large part of their social circle cut them off all at once, saying they felt unsafe and that Kora was transphobic. Kora did not/was unable to receive further clarification, while actively seeking the chance to learn more and repair harm done.
- someone made a dedicated hate tag for them.
- a new group of people read their Supernatural rewrite, and were offended by their portrayals of race and their writing about homophobia, and additionally mocking their writing style. The tone was often extremely mean-spirited.
- Kora responded to and apologized for some of the concerns around their portrayal of race, and refuted some of the bad-faith readings of their depictions of homophobia.
- Kora made an effort to understand what they had done wrong but a lot of the posts weren’t very specific.
- some of the claims got fucking wild. A lot of them involved taking stuff out of context. I think w*ncest got brought up at one point???
- Kora wrote another apology and took a break from Tumblr, on the advice of another friend.
- I spent like a day gearing up to write this because I vastly underestimated the speed at which Tumblr discourse moves.
#i know this would be a stronger post if I linked to posts addressing the issues in question#but I kinda just need to post Something at this point#supernatural#spn#princesshamlet discourse#discourse cw#ask to tag#tooth speech#lore
15 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Tilly’s Trans Tuesdays episode 18:
Internalized transphobia is something we all have (yes, ALL of us), and we've got to deal with it if we ever want to get beyond it. And cis friends, how would wearing a trans pride flag make you feel? Let's examine that. Cartoonist creator Mae Dean joins us to discuss our shared experience of coming out VERY publicly, coming to terms with our old selves, and how lesbians sound fantastic. Who wants to hear me yearn for cleavage?
Hosted by Tilly Bridges and Susan Bridges. Sound mixing by Jillian Morgan. Available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Samsung Podcasts, and more!
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tillys-trans-tuesdays/id1661980695
#Pendant#Pendant Productions#pendant audio#tilly's trans tuesdays#transgender#trans#audio#podcast#podcasting#internet radio
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
toadsrbutch
keep your cat indoors or Else
crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington
crumblet
spiderwarden
noamuth
ask-megamind-blue-defender
Megamind: The Blue Defender
slgraywords
S.L. Gray