#trans cub | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

convexicalcrow · 15 days

Text

Cub gazed at his reflection in the purity pool, wishing it wasn't showing him what he was currently seeing, which was the face that lived underneath the mask, a face he often refused to acknowledge. An old book, its spine bent open at a particular page, sat by his side. He was surprised he was still able to find it, given he had lost it many years ago. Well, not lost, exactly, misplaced. But it had turned up last week some time, and he couldn't help reading the old spell that had created the mask in the first place, wondering if he would still be able to change it.

He'd been fine. For a long time, he'd been fine. He'd been brave and allowed himself to get closer to Scar, but all it had done was fuel his dysphoria. He had never wanted to look like an old man. In his mind, Scar was the kind of man he'd wanted to look like. But for whatever reason, that had never worked with this magic. He had always wondered if it was because he didn't have a good enough image in his head to form the mask from. Well, he did now. Perhaps now he might look like the man he really saw himself as.

He sat back on his heels. He knew his appearance hadn't actually changed, though. It was just the water showing what was really there. It was just doing what it was designed to do, to reveal the truth about whatever objects touched the water. It had revealed many of the blood diamonds the Logfellas were sending to Scar, and he'd been able to stop Scar getting them. He took the time to cleanse them before passing them on, just so his new friend wasn't short, much as he wished he wasn't taking their bribes at all.

Cub definitely wasn't paranoid, though, definitely not. Iskall might have pulled away from the Birchfellas but that was fine. He knew Ren. He wasn't scared of him. They'd have to try harder if they were going to scare him off from the log trade. If anything, it gave him reasons to keep to himself, and pay more attention to Scar to ensure he wasn't being ripped off. Sure, he needed the leaves and logs for his landscaping shop, but Cub would have provided those for free, or for whatever price Scar offered. No threats required.

It didn't matter, though, not in that moment. The sun was setting, and the pool was starting to glow a little. His chest felt itchy, because of course it did. Cub picked up the book, read through the very familiar words on paged that were wrinkled from water damage. He knew what to do. Had always known what to do. Whether the purity pool would even work for this kind of magic, he didn't know, but he had to try.

He set the book down, and touched the water gently, getting his hands wet. He covered his face with his hands, making sure the water touched his skin. He closed his eyes. Breathed in. Pulled the mask away. Held the energy in his hands as he formed a new mask. Prayed to anyone who might be listening that it would make him who he really hoped to be.

His hands tingled a little as the new mask formed and spread over his skin. Would he look any different? Or had it been too long, and the old mask was just permanently attached to him? The book did say that could happen. He hoped it wasn't the case, but he could still feel his beard, and it made his heart sink. It had definitely been too long. Way too long. His skin was still old and dry and a little wrinkled, his hair was still mostly missing, clinging to the back of his head with thin, grey strands, his body ached the way it had always ached. Not even the purity pool could help. Perhaps he curled into himself, doing his best to hide his tears.

Not that he was crying, no! That wouldn't be manly. And he could hear a couple of zombies approaching. He was not safe out here. Hurriedly wiping his face with his sleeve, he grabbed the book and retreated to his base, hiding underground in bed, wishing the night would pass as quickly as possible.

"Cub? Are you okay? I didn't- I wasn't prying, but I saw you run off, and you seemed upset. Everything okay?" Scar called.

From his bed, Cub curled up. Scar was the last person he wanted to see, but the fact that he had come after him, had even noticed something was wrong, made Cub sit up in bed. "Just a bit of a scare, that's all. Come in."

"Man, you really do love all these secret tunnels, don't you?" Scar said as he entered.

"Down and to the right, Scar," Cub said, sitting on the edge of his bed. There was going to be a conversation, and he was going to have to be okay with that. Besides, he trusted Scar a lot more than he used to, even if the very idea of telling him about the mask terrified him. No one knew about that, not even Iskall.

"Ah! There you are! Hi!" Scar said as he found him, coming to sit beside him on the bed. "So, everything okay? What scared you out there?"

Cub shrugged. "I dunno. Think I saw something out of the corner of my eye or something, you know how it is out there."

"Oh yeah, definitely! But you're alright now, yeah?" Scar said.

"I think so. I mean-"

Cub paused. Scar brought him into a hug, sitting back as he let him go.

"There, that better? I just thought you needed a hug!" Scar said, smiling at him.

"Thanks, yeah, that was nice," Cub said.

"It's something else, I can tell. It's in your face. What don't you want to tell me? Have those Logfellas been getting to you? I'll have to hurt them if they've done anything to you!" Scar said.

Cub looked down, stared at his hands. Didn't even know where to start. So, he pulled out that old, old book, where it fell open at the mask spell, and showed it to him. Magic, maybe magic would help him understand.

"Oh? What's this?" Scar took the book and read it. "Hmm. Oh! You know, I did think there was something magical about you! I can sense these things, yeah! That explains a lot! Are you- so wait, are you wanting to have a mask, or are you currently wearing a mask? Because I think I'm getting confused now!"

"Both. This-. I didn't want to look like this. But this is what I'm stuck with. I can't change it now, I tried. I've tried so many times to make it more like me, but I can't. I guess I'm just-"

Cub wasn't sure any of this was making sense. There were too many emotions swirling around in his head. Scar touched his cheek, and Cub looked up at him.

"Cub, I don't give a damn what you look like, alright? I care about who you are, and I love that person so much. You could look like, I dunno, some kind of monster and I'd still be your friend! You're going to have to try better than that to push me away!" Scar said.

"I-"

Cub couldn't find the right words, accepted Scar's hug anyway, and figured that was as close as he was ever going to come to telling Scar the truth. The rest of the night brought no more confessions, but Cub did appreciate his company.

"I dunno, I'm not sure this is going to work. The book warned after a while, it just sticks, and you can't change it," Cub said.

Cub was once again staring into the waters of the purity pool, the book once again by his side. This time, Scar was with him. Cub wasn't sure this was going to work, but Scar wanted them to at least try. The sun was slowly setting.

"I know, I know, but hey! I have different magic to you! It might work if I help!" Scar said.

"Yeah, it might, I guess. Only one way to find out though," Cub said.

"True. Now, what do I need to do? I need to touch you, right? Lay my hands on your head? Something like that?" Scar said.

"Yeah, something like that, I think. I'm not really sure how the magic works, if I'm honest," Cub said.

"We'll figure it out," Scar said.

"Hmmhmm," Cub said, unsure how much hope he should have.

He dipped his hands in the water again, and closed his eyes, covering his face as he thought about what he wanted the mask to look like as he withdrew the old one. He could feel Scar's hands on his head, and his magic mixing with his felt- warm. In a good way?

Cub breathed. Heard Scar muttering something under his breath. Cub tried to focus on the mask's appearance. Tried to bring up a face that looked like Scar's. Young, handsome, masculine, the kind of face he'd always longed to have. He was quietly glad he had his face covered too, so Scar couldn't see how obviously feminine it still was after all these years. He didn't want to look at it. Hated how it looked in the water's reflection. It wasn't him. Would never be him. Scar could never know. Would never see that face if Cub could help it.

A swirl of magic flooded his head, and he felt a little dizzy. The mask was returning, Cub could feel it, but what it looked like, he didn't know. As the magic subsided, he sat back on his heels, opening his eyes to the moon rising into the sky.

"It didn't work, did it?" Cub said, feeling his face to find the beard still there.

"No, it didn't work. Now I'm mad! I was so sure that would work!" Scar said.

Cub sighed. "I think the book's right, I'm stuck like this now. I never wanted to look like this. I wanted to look like you!"

"The world only needs one Scar, my friend. You keep being you, Cub. I'll keep searching. One day I'll find a way to fix this, just you wait."

"Nah, you don't have to. I mean, this was my fault. I did this to myself and now I gotta live with it," Cub said. "Thanks for trying though."

"No, I mean it, I'll see what I can find. There must be something out there. Now, come on, let's get to bed before it gets real dangerous out here!" Scar said, dragging Cub up by the arm.

"Sure, sounds good to me," Cub said, just managing to dodge an arrow shot by a skeleton further down the mesa.

His body didn't like running. His body didn't like much, to be fair. But Scar held his hand tightly as he led him back to his base, and slowly, Cub was beginning to feel much less alone. Maybe he'd tell Scar one day, once he'd learned to trust him. Maybe then the mask would fall for good.

#hermitcraft #hermitfic #fanfic #convex #cubfan135 #gtwscar #trans cub #hc4 #the purity pool #magical masks #gender dysporia #learning to trust #yeah i'm back on my s4 trans cub bullshit sorry not sorry

19 notes · View notes

convexicalcrow · 16 days

Text

someone reblogged one of my kingdomcraft trans cub fics and it got me a lil inspired to finish this s4 trans cub fic that's been eluding me for way too long. third draft's a charm ig lol.

It's not that Cub was… no, he wasn't afraid per se. No, that was a different emotion entirely. It was- he'd just eaten a bit too much for breakfast that day, and had heard rumours that a certain neighbour of his was coming over to buy a horse, and maybe he was just excited at the prospect of his first customer. His chestplate felt a little too tight, but that was just nerves, right? Yeah. That was it. Just nerves. Definitely just nerves.

Scar had a way about him that Cub envied. Sure of himself, charming, tall, handsome, god. Cub was a little smitten, even if the very idea of being smitten terrified him. No, he did not- no. Scar was just- a friend.

But maybe he wished, in his heart, that his mask looked more like him. Like Scar. Not that- he wasn't unhappy with the old man of course. He'd grown so used to it being him that it was comfortable now. But the envy sunk in. Scar was everything he wished he was, and now that he was standing in front of him, talking about horses, well.

Cub was good at seeming unflappable, because if Scar really knew what was going on in his head as he talked him through all the horses he had in stock, and which one would suit Scar's needs the best, Scar might think he was insane. Or at least, much weirder than he came across as. It's not like Cub wanted to expose himself like that so soon. If they had to live next to each other, the least Cub could do was not look like a weirdo to a stranger he actually quite liked.

It was all a bit of a blur in the end. Somehow, he'd sold Scar a horse, and come away richer. Couldn't remember a single thing he'd said, though, but that was fine, right? He was just- He'd been concentrating on the job at hand and not looking like he was trying to hit on him. It was Fine.

Not that he wanted to hit on him, of course. No, he wasn't interested in that kind of thing. That was just-

Cub had given up on company a long time ago. Never assumed it was for him, given how much trust and intimacy it would take. That was for other people. Besides, he was just an old man. Who would want an old man anyway?

But Scar, though. Scar. God. Scar was messing with his head in ways he really didn't like, and it scared him. It was just envy, right? He just wanted to look like him, that's all. It wasn't-

He definitely hadn't dreamed about Scar just touching his jaw and smiling at him. The very idea made him squirm. There's no way Scar would want to touch him. Cub wasn't even sure he wanted to be touched either. There were emotions in turmoil inside him that refused description. Or that he possibly had no words for. He just knew he kept stealing glances at him any time he saw him. Maybe strolled into his base every now and then, just to see how he was and what he'd done so far. Maybe he planned out a secret tunnel that would connect their bases. He hadn't built it, but he had thought about it.

No, he lived underground in a makeshift mineshaft. Out of sight, out of mind. So he could focus. That was definitely why.

"Iskall, you got a moment?" Cub asked, finding Iskall at his base.

"Oh, hallo Mr. Cubfan! Of course I have a moment just for you!" Iskall said, inviting him into his house.

"Cheers, man," Cub said, following him in.

In his head, Cub managed to explain everything clearly and without stumbling over his words. In reality, he was sure he had simply rambled to Iskall about Scar without being entirely sure he knew what he was saying. All he knew was that at the end of it all, Iskall had bundled him up in a big hug, and they stayed there for a while, Cub not really knowing what to do.

"It is difficult, for us, to want those connections. We are afraid, and sometimes for good reason! But sometimes, it is just a fear, and we have to be brave! Tell me, Mr. Cubfan, what do you lose from being friends with him, since you clearly like him and he clearly likes you? Don't even think about anything beyond that. Why can't you be friends?" Iskall said.

"I-I dunno," Cub said eventually. "No reason, I guess."

"Then be friends with him! He's a good man, Mr. Cubfan. I think you'll be good for each other. Go and make a new friend!" Iskall said.

"But what if he-"

Iskall pressed a finger over his lips. "Shush! No what ifs. No. He is a good man, just as you are a good man. That is all that matters. Maybe getting to know him will help you sort out how you feel about him, yes?" Iskall said.

"Yeah, maybe," Cub said.

Iskall hugged him tight and pressed a soft kiss to his temple. "You worry too much, my old friend. Once he gets to know you, he will see the good in you too, just as I do. Then you two will be unstoppable!"

Cub couldn't help laughing. "Well, I have always wanted to take over the world."

Scar hadn't been around for a while. Cub didn't really know why, but he'd heard he hadn't been well, and after that, he hadn't pried. Scar would tell him once he got back, if he felt like it. Cub wasn't going to press him about it if he wasn't willing to share.

Still, it left Cub with his thoughts, and his thoughts were mostly about Scar. He distracted himself with base building. Doing some terraforming. Making plans for a larger base. Figuring out what he might sell in the shopping district. Things that weren't about Scar. Because if he let himself think about Scar, he just ended up tying himself in knots, unable to work out what he was even feeling.

Maybe he left a little gift at his base for when he returned, with a little note that read nothing more than 'Missed you Scar, welcome back - Cub', all he felt brave enough to say. Maybe next time, he'd be braver.

#hermitcraft #hermitfic #fanfic #convex #cubfan135 #gtwscar #iskall85 #hc4 #trans cub #trans iskall #making friends is hard #but cub's gonna try it maybe! D:#once he figures out all his emotions #he's just a lil confused

14 notes · View notes