#took psychic damage from that tag | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr is used by 21% of adults online aged 18-29 years.

#took psychic damage from that tag

himbohaggins · 6 months

Text

affirmations to say to yourself:

i will not look at goodreads reviews i will not look at goodreads reviews i will not look at g

#people are deranged. just took psychic damage from the most fuckwild takes #[cries in bookseller]#i need a tag for my shit

1 note · View note

luffylaws · 10 months

Text

Sam, 15 episodes into One Piece: oh No i just realized.... he's a rubber man......

Me: yeah 😌

Sam: so in fanfiction.............

Me: YEAH 😌

#and then i took psychic damage rereading my own fic from 13 years ago #sammy #text tag #great one piece rewatch 2023

1 note · View note

madwomansapologist · 2 months

Text

doubt comes in | bg3 companions

Meet Kind!Druid!Tav | More Weirdos | AO3

synopsis: You knew exactly what would welcome you back to camp. The alluring smell of Gale's cooking, the awful noises of Lae'zel working on a sword that don't need to be sharpened, Wyll practicing his dance moves. You clearly weren't expecting to see yourself. Or to be forced into fighting the companions you swore to never harm in order to prove Orin was playing with their minds. [3.4K]

warnings: orin being orin. well, you, actually. "prove who's the real you" trope. i mean imagine the level of anxiety that scenario induces because you want me to act like me? kitten, mommy don't fucking know who she is. bg3 level of violence. a lot of blood. body horror should be a tag? tav suffers slashing damage, but orin suffers psychic damage. angst. happy ending. shadowheart x tav x halsin. companions (lae'zel, astarion, gale, wyll, karlach, jaheira, minsc). camp followers (yenna, scratch, grub). background (orin, gortash, mizora, shar, cazador, silvanus).

Reaching Baldur's Gate didn't made life easier, but Gods did it helped. Danger is near, sometimes closer than a kiss, but this city is still your home. They can try, but no one can take that away from any of you.

Mizora can bargain and dissemble, but no lie coming from her burning lips will ever change the fact Wyll would do anything for this city. He had his first kiss in one of those bars. Gortash is a threat, but did he started counting his days? Karlach is coming for him, and he had it coming. She can still remember the vinegar taste on her mouth after her first spree.

Shar had her time to mess with Shadowheart's memories, to turn goodness into fear and desires into guilty. Shadowheart is learning how to swin. Long ago, before Cazador could even think of looking at him, Astarion walked on those streets. Cazador can see him as a walking corpse if he so desire, something that fell into decay, but Astarion is alive and free forever and evermore.

The world is a freaking mess, but so be it. That won't stop you from living. That won't stop any of you.

"Soldier! Over here," Karlach called for you, up on The Blushing Mermaid's balcony. You dodged the drunkards and ran upstairs to their table. They saved a seat for you. They always do. "What took you so long?"

They're always teasing you for being so controlling with their gold. That was an act of survival, to save for what matters, but now that you reached the city... You're still controlling it, Silvanus knows Astarion would waste it all without noticing, but you can allow your party some luxury from time to time.

You put the bags under the table, careful to not let them see what was inside them. "Just lost track of time," you sat between her and Minsc. "Did I miss much?"

You turned around, looking for a waiter, but a glass was dragged from across the table towards you. Halsin, sitting across from you at the round table, had already ordered your favorite drink. He always knows what you want even before you say it.

Your smile was subtle, the glass already rising to hide your mouth. You didn't use words to thank him, but your foot met his under the table. You dragged it along his leg, a hidden affection. A secret between you two.

"Oh, yes, Boo. Minsc agrees, her smile really seens different," Minsc whispered. Boo moved on his shoulder, sniffing around. "What are you hiding, my gentle friend?"

Perfume of night orchids, clothes fit for a vampire or whatever Astarion means by that, a recently released tome of evocation, instruments to improve weapons, a music box for a dancing hero, owlbear cub plush, new whittling knifes, a book about adventures Jaheira wasn't part of but is still somehow the main character, and stone sculpture of a certain miniature giant space hamster. "Nothing," you answered.

Halsin chuckled. "There is nothing you can't do, my heart. Except by lying, I must add."

"I just bought a few presents," it sounded almost defensive. Alright, maybe you really were a bit too controlling of the gold. Just a bit. "I'll give them after dinner."

Karlach chocked on her beer. "Are you feeling well, soldier? Have anyone forced you to waste your precious gold?"

"There is a hero coming through to help you, my friend," Minsc hit the table with closed fists. Your drink almost fell on your lap. "Tell Minsc who forced you and his boot shall find your wrongdoer!"

Karlach and Minsc tried to see what were in the bags during the walk back to camp, and you protected them with your life. They started a game of guessing what you had bought, never realizing you weren't participating on it.

Halsin took the bags from you, and with his free hand caressed yours. He kissed your knuckles, then your forehead. You melted against his touch. "Is it duck related?"

You chuckled, eyes still closed. "Fuck off, Bear."

Finally at camp, Halsin followed you to your tent .You saw when Wyll walking out of his tent, hair dripping wet, and smiled at him. Karlach and Minsc sat by the bonfire, still arguing about the possibility of receiving an ax as a gift.

You told Halsin to close his eyes so you could hide everything. "Alright, done."

You walked towards the bonfire, but Halsin grabbed your hand and pulled you closer. You linked your arms around his neck, ready to stand on tiptoe. "It's on your black chest, isn't it?"

You sighed, walking away from him. He tried to stop you, but you dodged Halsin easily. "Of course not," you lied. And he could tell.

You used a branch to stir the fire. You had the feeling it would be a cold night. Yenna was near it, stroking Grub's fur, and smiled at you. So young, so innocent. So unfair.

Lae'zel and Jaheira carried pans with food to the large table Gale conjured, and nodded on your direction. "Fifteen minutes, cub," said Jaheira. "Weren't you on watch?"

You denied with a movement of your head. Jaheira isn't the one to get confused with watches, neither are you. After all, you both organized all shifts.

"Are you hungry?" You stroke Yenna's hair, ignoring Grub in order to not scare him away. Kneeled in front of her, you threw the branch far away. Scratch ran to catch it. "I have strawberry and hon..."

"What the fuck is that?!"

You turned to Karlach, your sword suddenly so heavy on your side. She looked perfectly fine. Following her gaze, you understood it.

Shadowheart had her spear on hands, back from first watch to supper. And besides her, with a hand on the half-elf's waist, stood you.

One thing you can't deny Orin: that bitch is creative. You admit, it was smart. Half of the party left with you, half stayed at camp. It was only a matter of chosing the right moment to appear, making sure to say only the right words, and everything would work on her favor.

Smart, until she wasn't anymore. Because instead of aiming your companions quietly without raising doubts, you are back now. She is surrounded by the enemy. Cornered by her own actions.

You smiled to Yenna, her scared eyes shone upon you. "I need you to close your eyes. Can you do that for me?" As she put her tiny hands in front of her face, you raised from the floor. The smile was still there. "Orin."

She was behind you, but you knew Karlach made Nyrulna find a way to her hands. He's not on your vision field, but you promise Silvanus you'll kill yourself right then and there if Minsc and Boo aren't ready to fight and die beside you. The golden light on your periphery in theory could be from anything, but you knew it was Halsin waiting for your command to transform and attack.

The things you couldn't see didn't surprised you. Quite the opposite.

Jaheira's eyes shone, and without hesitation she turned into a fire myrmidion. Wyll, before careless, casted an armor on himself. Lae'zel had her sword on her back, but her movements showed she was nothing but ready.

They were looking at you.

As easy as that you understood. You're always thinking on the great scheme of things, careful about every movement and choice so at the end nothing will stop you from defeating the Absolute, but this isn't a game of Go. Orin didn't proposed a bet, one where all moves matter and any choice could change the final outcome. No. This is as simple as tic-tac-toe. The results depends only on doing the right first movement.

Orin isn't surrounded here.

You are.

Shadowheart hesitated, the spear uncomfortable on her hands, her skin paler. She gazed at you, at that thing, and you could almost see the doubt replacing the new found glow in her eyes.

"You finally decided to show up again," Orin said. She could immitate your voice perfectly. Even the words were something that could've been said by you. "Now we don't need to hunt you down."

You kept on staring at Shadowheart, ignoring her stained words. "Lua, you know who I truly am." You drew your sword, the golden glow illuminating your face within the light of the setting sun. "Fight beside me, my love. Like you have always done."

"Don't fall for her theatrics," replied Orin. If you didn't knew better, even you would fall for her tricks. "She is playing with your mind. Trying to control it like many attempt to before. Don't allow it."

In a quick motion, her spear cut through Orin's torso. Orin, you, stumbled back. You stood in front of Shadowheart, protecting her with your body from the changeling's response.

All Orin did was to add pressure to the cut. "Get away from her!" A necrotic energy came from her fingers, the same you are so used to control. You shouldn't have left your shield on your tent. "My love, she'll only hurt you."

Jaheira aimed at you, lava dripping from her transformed hand, but didn't attack because of how close Shadowheart was of you. Karlach got further away, now with a better view of camp. Minsc had his sword in hands, just as Wyll had a cloud of darkness aiming at him. Lae'zel was in front of Orin, eyes filled with determination.

They moved faster than you wanted to. The board getting new possibilities, and you worst problems to deal with. What strategy can overpower hers?

"On sight, soldier," Karlach screamed from distance. You could picture the spear on her hands, ready to be throw right in Orin's eyes. "One word."

"Ckh. Enough," ordered Lae'zel. "Pull yourself together before I pull you apart."

"That changeling is playing tricks with your mind, Lae'zel," said Shadowheart. Light came from her fingers. "Don't let her fool you."

"I know my leader," was her response. "You should know too, cleric."

"Can't any of you see her true goal?" Your voice echoed through the camp. "She isn't just trying to end me. She could've done this before, we all now she had chances. Orin wants you to fight one another, to break our bonds and divide us. Stay still, stay alert, and she won't have a choice but to end her disguise and attack with her own claws. Patience: that's the only thing she does not have."

With the noise, Gale and Astarion came out of the kitchen. "Who is..." Astarion didn't even had time to finish.

"It's me," you yelled. You had even forgot about them. Just more players for a game that should be won alone. "For Silvanus, I even said goodbye to each and every of you befo..."

You swear you saw a smirk on your duel's face. She fooled you too. "You fucking bitch."

You barely had closed your mouth when red strings of energy passed right beside you. Shadowheart's illuminated fingers were surrounded by darkness now. Gale's work, you knew.

"She is right," Lae'zel's words made you breath easier. It was more than just a smart move, it was a great plan, but Orin won't suceed for a very simple reason: her main goal is to hurt, and yours is to prevent it. Lae'zel stepped closer, her longsword in hands and eyes on Orin. "The wizard shouldn't have aimed at the Shadowheart, neither was she supposed to fight."

A sign of trust coming from her of all people could convince them all. Lae'zel cares, deeply, and wouldn't do something without being sure of it. You glared at the others, hoping Lae'zel's words had calmed them down. And it did. Their eyes were softer towards you. But those weren't the eyes you should've been watching closely.

You didn't saw when she moved. Didn't noticed the smell of danger floating on the air so near you. Didn't heard anything that would've warned you to defend yourself.

But you felt as Lae'zel rip your chest apart.

So much blood. You never would've guessed a mortal vessel could carry so much blood. It stained the silver, dripping from the longsword, splashed her face. It ran down your body, penetrated the ground and its roots, fed the plants..

Red. It was all you could see. All you could think about. Your lungs only had space for it. They burned. Your trembling hands moved towards your ripped belly, your insides staining them, and held the sword. It cut your palms.

"Bloodlust won't solve our problems," someone said. You knew that voice. Was it yours? Lae'zel forced the sword down, then pulled it out of you. "The changeling's is all we need to spill."

You were on your knees. Did you fell? Were you kicked? Are you praying? You must be. You probably were. Who do you pray to? Have you ever prayed before?

Kneeled beside you, a woman talked to you. Her mouth moved, a red liquid dripping from her face and hands. Her touch was warm. She felt like home. Shadowheart. Her eyes reflected a golden light, but they dissapeared so quickly.

"Let me go!" She tried to fight Lae'zel's hold, but the warrior was stronger. "She'll die because of you. She'll die and I will never ever forgive you for that, you damned gith!" The screams turned into cries. "She saved me, let me save her!"

"It's me," the doppelgander said. She held Shadowheart by the cheeks, trying to get her to calm down. "Lua, love, it's me. Just me."

"Get out of me," Shadowheart spat on her face. Lae'zel pushed her away, trying to prevent Shadowheart from doing something she would regret. "Why no one here listen to me?!"

"Stop squirming," Lae'zel hissed. "Look into her eyes. Look and tell me you don't see our leader."

Shadowheart eventually stopped fighting, her body exausted from crying. The changeling was in front of her, you were in front of her. She smelled like you. Talked like you. Felt like you.

"Is that really you?"

"Of course it's me," lied Orin. "Please, look into my eyes. We were together all day. You know I haven't left camp. Please, please, trust me."

Spikes grew, surrounding Orin. She hissed, the ivy twining around her legs and tearing the skin open. Halsin were throw to the ground before he could end the healing spell.

"Halsin!" Shadowheart screamed. She almost escaped Lae'zel's hold. "No!"

"She was with us all day, Halsin," Wyll said as he paralised the druid. "We know it's her. Don't fight back."

That didn't stop Karlach from throwing her spear near the Blade's feet. "You fucking idiot!"

Mizora clapped, enjoying the show.

Jaheira burned Mizora before losing her wild shape. She will come back, she always does, but that never stops Jaheira. At least they will have some moments of respect.

She wandered towards Minsc. He kneeled on the floor, and for a moment she feared something happened to him when she wasn't paying attention.

"She told me not open my eyes," cried Yenna. "I can't open they yet. She told me not to."

"Have you ever seen my miniature giant space hamster?" Yenna didn't react to him. "No, Boo, she nee..."

Jaheira kneeled beside him, her hand resting on his shoulder. "You did well, cub," she forced herself to laugh. "You were so brave. Let's get you and your red cat something to eat, alright?"

A dry sound reached their ears, stopping every and each one of them. You fell to the ground, as firm as an empty sack, whimpers leaving your mouth as you slipped into unconsciousness.

No fighting. No yelling. A quiet end. A peaceful one.

So easy.

Astarion grabbed Gale's shoulders, whispering so the others wouldn't notice. "It smells like her," Astarion swallowed hard. "I know it."

"Are you really sure of that?" Gale watched you, saw all your blood spreading through the ground, and looked into his eyes again. "Because if you're not, if your guess is wrong, then it will be our guts on the ground. Do you really trust your nose that much?"

Astarion gave him a smirk, but Gale could see the fear he was trying to hide. "Will you cover me, darling?"

"What's your plan?"

"Please. If you think I have one, then you don't know me at all."

As the spike dissapeared, Orin held Shadowheart's face again. "Think of everything we faced together. The nautiloid, the grove, the shadows. Wasn't I beside you all this time? Have I ever turned my back on you?"

"No." That Shadowheart knew the answer. "Never."

She looked up to the moon, praying for assistance. When her eyes fell down, she saw the body on the floor. And what surrounded it.

Scratch sad down beside you. He nudged your shoulder with his nose, waiting for you to stop with that game. He didn't like it. It wasn't fun like the others. But as he moved your body, she saw something reflecting the sunset. A flask. Concentrating, Shadowheart saw the contour of something. Of Astarion's body.

Gale had blue rays of light coming out of his eyes.

"Exactly, my love," her cheeks were pinched. The long nails digged on them for so long. "I've never turned on you. Not when you tried to kill Lae'zel. Not when you lied to me again and again. Or when you showed us how low you would go for your goddess. Remember the fear on the Nightsong's eyes? Remember how I pretended not to know all you would do to her if I wasn't there? A cleric who doesn't know where to lay her faith, a torturer so easily deceived, a coward unable to make the right decisions. That's why you never turned on me, right? Because I make the decisions you can't. I carry all the guilty for you. Because it's easier when I control everything. Don't you like it? That you don't need to use your brain when I am around? Wouldn't you give your memories to me if I asked? I know you would. I know you will."

Your head fell. The bone cracking, the skin stretching. They could hear as it moved, as it turned into something else. The shoulders falling, elbows breaking in half, the spine bending until it touches the bloody ground. The last snap, deep and long.

And from a thin cloud of dust, Orin appeared.

"Look at it. Crawnling under my fe..."

Nyrulna wasn't near Wyll, deep on the ground, neither did it came back to Karlach's hands. With accurate aim, the trident pierced Orin's ribs. Her blood joined yours, and the pale body fell where yours once lay.

Taking your time, you walked towards her. Stepping on the changeling's stomach, you ripped the trident from her insides. "I will give you a glorious death," you growled. "I'll make Bhaal wish I was his chosen."

You kneeled beside her, pressing the trident against her neck, then lowered your face until her ear. "I'll make him regret ever settling for you," you whispered.

Her eyes shone. "How... you know," she could barely say anything. "My... sib..."

You squeezed her cheeks, shutting her up. Then you caressed it, getting her skin dirty with your blood. "I know shit about you," you replied. "But I can tell you would never be anyone's first choice."

Orin can believe she escaped, if it's that what she desires. That you were too slow to stop her from teleport to wherever she deemed safe. That you were all bark and no bite. The truth is that she was wrong about you from the start.

You like the hunting.

You dropped Nyrulna to the ground, and threw yourself into Shadowheart's arms. “She lies,” you whispered. "She deceives and hurts and maims. Nothing was true. You're nothing that she said."

Quietly, Shadowheart hugged you. She breathed in your scent, felt your touch, heard your voice. You, you, you. She cried against your body. You.

Looking at the rest of your party, you breathed in. "We need a code," you said. "If we ever get into this sort of situation again, we need to say..."

You bite your lips, trying to think of something. Something you wouldn't use in another situation. Something that would be unique, impossible to confuse the meaning.

"Gold," you chose. "Or the rest of us are allowed to go for the kill."

Lae'zel cleared her throat. "Fair enough."

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

BALDUR’S GATE 3 TAGLIST: @citrusbunnies

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

194 notes · View notes

theelast-straw · 4 months

Text

10 BL Boys I Want Carnally

10 BL Boys That Make Me Feel Things™

(not sexual, not romantic but a secret third thing)

okay so I wasn't exactly tagged in this but I saw several people doing this and I'll take just about any excuse to scream about my favorite characters so I'm just going to very sneakily join in on this trend 👀

there is absolutely no ranking to these bc I couldn't rank them if I wanted to

(also I changed the name a little bc my ace ass is literally physically incapable of wanting anyone carnally but I still have lots of thoughts lmao)

1) Tharn (The Sign)

I mean. is literally anyone surprised that this is where we're starting?

he's the nicest person out there. he can kick your ass if he wants to. he lost his parents at a young age and is absolutely convinced that everyone he loves is doomed to die and he keeps seeing visions of people dying and he's told again and again that those he has wronged in a past life - which he doesn't even remember - are still out to get him and yet he has so much kindness left for the world??

also he can be such a little shit and knows exactly how to tease Phaya back I love him so goddamn much.

(also that mole-)

2) Kim (Kinnporsche)

was he also on my characters I'd hit with my car list? maybe. and what about it.

I love him so much. he's such a badass but he's such a loser. famous singer who falls for a fan he was supposed to be investigating but is too emotionally constipated to admit it. badass son of a mafia family who can kick ass but only if he wants to. who does it like him honestly

(it also helps that he's played by just about the prettiest man alive)

3) Babe (Pit Babe)

did I start watching this show ironically? yes. is every mention of alphas and mpreg and that mama/papa thing hitting me like a brick and causing me 9000 psychic damage every single time? also yes. did I absolutely fall in love with the show and just about every character in it? you bet your fucking ass I did.

but I especially love Babe. he's just so babygirl. special alpha man who has to act tough and strong but just wants to be babied by his dumbass loser (affectionate) alpha boyfriend. like, he's actually so goddamn soft?? I love him.

4) Guy (Bake Me Please)

I think we all knew this was coming. I was literally gushing about him for half of the episodes. Guy my beloved. that show did not deserve you.

he spends the entire show supporting his crush's every decision and trying to make sure he's okay literally how could you not love this man

(yes he was a petty bitch for like 5 minutes there but he immediately apologized for it the next episode. properly. unlike certain other people-)

5) Sprite (Twins)

he's so himbo coded. himbo of all himbos. the himboest. not a brain cell in that head. he's my little dumbass I love him.

he deserves so much better than what he's being put through. someone please just love and support him for who he is. and also take him away from that family

(please talk to your boyfriend tho I am begging)

6) Wei Wuxian (The Untamed)

MY BELOVED. I could write essays about him. he's such a great character I love him so fucking much. if you ever had to bear witness to me talking about him.. I am so sorry.

sassy emo bitch with a flute and a tragic backstory who's seen as evil by just about everyone but only ever had the best intentions. absolute fucking dumbass. kicks ass. always smiling despite the circumstances. loves his siblings so damn much. doomed by the narrative. what more could you possibly ask for

7) Zhou Zishu (Word of Honor)

I'm trying so damn hard to keep this list to one character per show and it really took me a while to decide if I wanted to include him or Wen Kexing but ultimately it was Zhou Zishu for me

just.. god. him. assassin sect leader just trying to retire who keeps getting dragged into the biggest bullshit but doesn't really mind bc the bullshit comes with a mysterious pretty man. also that whole god damn nail thing. I have so many thoughts and feelings about that but this post would get too long if I got started on those-

(also actually pulling the "I'm literally dying" card to get out of chores is so fucking valid of him. more characters should do that)

8) Milk (Choco Milk Shake)

he is quite fucking literally a reincarnated cat, of course I love him. I could list reasons for why I love him but it would be the exact same reasons just about every cat person on earth lists for why they love cats so. but here's a quick summary, just in case:

petty. dramatic. knocks over glasses. silently loves you so fucking much.

9) Tew (My Dear Gangster Oppa)

I really did not expect to love him this much? greenest of green flags (except for the plot line we shall not talk about). can and will kill people and is fine with it (seriously it is so refreshing to see a mafia character not having a huge moral dilemma about being in the mafia). both a badass mafia man and a gamer guy who doesn't know how to talk to people and is absolutely whipped for his gamer bf.

also scars make a person just about 110x more attractive I don't make the rules. even if the scars are weird and yellow, it's the thought that counts.

10) Tian (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

I? love him??

I just love how he sets out to do something for someone he didn't even know because he feels like this person deserves that much at least and how he ends up genuinely loving and caring for those kids and the village and this inner conflict he's having the entire time but hiding oh so well and how he actually calls out his parents on their rich people bs and-

tagging everyone who reads this far and wants to do it. seriously. I mean it. if you want to do this, please go ahead and say I tagged you. I love reading everyone's thoughts.

#this list is just me going “i love him sm” ten times in a row lmao #apparently my type is just pretty man who is secretly a loser nerd #the sign the series #kinnporsche #pit babe the series #bake me please the series #twins the series #the untamed #word of honor #choco milk shake #my dear gangster oppa #a tale of thousand stars #thai bl #kbl #danmei

79 notes · View notes

islandoforder · 4 months

Text

took psychic damage from someone’s tags on one of my posts calling axmurph their “emotional support millennials”

#like plz #dimension 20 #d20 #emily axford #brian murphy #naddpod #not another dnd podcast #podcast blogging #axmurph

56 notes · View notes

bloodpen-to-paper · 2 years

Text

Its an early Thursday morning. 6:00am, on the dot. I’m waking up at this hour because I’ve accidentally become slightly nocturnal again, and had fallen asleep at about 7pm the night before. No matter, I think as I chase away the last remnants of sleep. Time to check the news.

Its there, at the top of the Twitter trending tab, that I see it:

BREAKING: Buckingham Palace says Queen Elizabeth II is under medical supervision because doctors are "concerned for Her Majesty’s health."

Many of the Royal Family are at her side. The people of the United Kingdom are preparing for the worst. I feel adrenaline coursing through my veins.

Tumblr, I think in a moment of hysteria. I must go to Tumblr. They must be in a state of euphoria over the news.

I head over to Tumblr.

I check the trending page, expecting “Queen Elizabeth” or “down with the monarchy” or something of the sort to be at the #1 spot on the tab.

Surely, at the very least, “crab rave”

Right?

...

I stare blankly at my screen. I am in a state of shock. Too stunned to speak, some may say.

How? I beseech. How is this trending over the Queen of England’s health scare? The one that may very well cause of the end of the British monarchy as we know it?!

But I’ve been on this Hellsite longer than I’ve been able to formulate intelligent thoughts. I know they wouldn’t trend Undertale this high for no reason. And if its a new Deltarune update, well, I certainly can’t complain. I am a fan of the franchise, after all.

So I check the Undertale tag.

“AND WITH THAT, SANS UNDERTALE HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN CROWNED ULTIMATE TUMBLR SEXYMAN”

As the Sisters Moirai would have it, I had peacefully slept through a war. A war of ultimate consequence, that would decide the fate of two illustrious*, two remarkably renown communities, nay, kingdoms, over who could win perhaps the greatest, most dangerous prize. A prize which has spilt endless miles of bloodshed in its pursuit, which has devastated entire lands, decimated people in both mind and body until they were completely and utterly unrecognizable.

The prize, the title, of who was to be... the Ultimate Tumblr Sexyman.

The contenders: Sans the Skeleton of the hit RPG “Undertale” and Reigen Arataka from the popular shonen anime “Mob Psycho 100”

As it was transcribed, the battle had met many close encounters, but in the end, Sans the Skeleton would come to win the crown and claim victory over Reigen by a total of 420 votes (i shit you not it was 420 votes exactly i cannot believe you assholes managed to get it by 420 votes yall are actual meme trash and i am both disgusted and awe inspired by your cursed efforts)

Though I was unable to experience the spectacle myself, I had bore direct witness to the fallout. The internet now had an abundance of Super Smash-like fan content of Sans and Reigen engaged in combat, and there was an apparent brief rise in S̵͖̫̿̌ạ̸̛̎̚n̶͔͈͗͂̄s̷͉̚m̴͌͋͜͝a̴̻͚̺͛͆ē̶̤̔͗d̶̛̖̰͒͊a̷͙̜͙̾͗. Toby Fox himself has gotten involved by using Twitter to publish fanfiction. That was perhaps the hardest for me to accept.

Thus, it was on September 7 of the year 2022 that the battle of Sans vs Reigen had occurred and concluded. From what I had heard, it was a legendary event that would be seared into the minds of every Tumblrina, and forever remembered throughout the tales of human history.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I took more psychic damage waking up to all of this than I did the day my father ended up in hospice after having a stroke on a school day so thanks for that and have a good one

* “well known, respected, and admired for past achievements”; yes I knew some of you would struggle with this one

#this was actually really fun to write lmao #love this hellsite #queen elizabeth #queen elizabeth ii #uk politics #tumblr #tumblr sexyman #undertale #sans #sans undertale #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #reigen arakata #sanssweep #reigensweep #also every sentence in the second to last paragraph starts with T #for some reason

881 notes · View notes

tavyliasin · 29 days

Text

Fooling An Incubus - April Foolishness One Shot! Haarlep x Multiple

Haarlep is bored... They manage to organise another little event, a buffet of desire to feast upon all night as various couples and groups enjoy their aphrodisiac tainted wine and specially prepared rooms. However, the wine was a gift from one Volothamp Geddarm. The wizard seems to have something other than tall tales up his sleeves, as Haarlep finds themselves experiencing pleasure through a different lens. It still feels good, of course, but there's something different to normal...

---

This is the April Fools "write terrible smut" challenge to use as many awful words for genitals and sex as possible. I gave it a paper thin plot as an excuse to throw Haarlep into the ring with a bunch of favourites.

5,157 Words (Split into 5 Chapter headings)

Click Here for AO3 Version And Click Here for the AO3 Collection with everyone's wonderful terrible works for the challenge! Pairing: Haarlep with: Astarion/f!Tav/Halsin, Dammon/Karlach/Wyll, Abdirak/He Who Was, and a passing mention of Volo/Blurg/Omeluum at the end SPICE Rating: 3.5/5 Content Warnings and Tags: Intentionally Bad Smut, Biting, Blood, Vampire Bite, aphrodisiac, Oral Sex, Group Sex, Restraints, Power Play, BDSM, Hand Jobs, Spitroast, Pegging, Sex Toys, magic sex toys, Cockwarming, using tails for sex things, furniture play (mild), Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, pain play, riding crop whipping, Anal Sex, overstimulation

Spoilers Barely a thing besides characters and the House of Hope existing. Canon Compliance HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. Other Notes I gave myself psychic damage writing it and now you can join me as you read it.

Song Pairing Ok maybe this time I'm being less interesting, but I tried looking for something with fitting lyrics and came up short. So instead, listen to the elevator music that I put on while writing it, that should fit the mood just fine~

FULL ONE SHOT BELOW THE CUT!

--- ---

Chapter 1 - Boredom and Wine

Haarlep was bored.

A known dangerous state for an incubus to be in, they were not only bored but they were hungry . Few guests had entertained them of late, so their mind turned over their options. No events they were aware of were due in the near future, and after their last little party Raphael had said in no uncertain terms that he would not be entertaining another orgy. They rolled their eyes. Surely there was something…

—

A week later, the rooms in the House of Hope had been prepared and a banquet thrown. A Spring Feast, Haarlep had argued, a way to bring together those who should be reminded of Raphael’s influence and affluence. They even invited Volothamp Geddarm to ensure that the fiend’s grandeur could be properly recorded in his rise to greatness - or that’s what they told him to soothe his ego and push him to allow the event to go ahead.

The incubus stalked the banquet hall, observing with no small amount of pride the couples, throuples, and other groups of guests that were slowly falling to the spiked wine. They sipped from their own glass, allowing themselves a slight smile of satisfaction as Volo himself strolled over.

“Ah, there you are! Are you enjoying the wine? I had it imported over myself, you know, from a very special supplier. I assume you’ve already tainted it? The flavour has a distinct edge of spice that I don’t recall from my last sampling.” The bearded wizard was already talking a mile a minute asking plenty of questions without awaiting a single answer.

“You are already aware, then, of its effects? My usual guests should be retiring shortly~” Haarlep grinned a little wider, glancing down at the strange little man who had far too bright a look in his eye as he took a sip himself.

“That’s exactly what I’m counting on, my friend! A fine experiment, I should say, though it was not entirely of my own devising. You see there is a custom in a far off land for pranks at this time of year - nothing harmful of course, and I wouldn’t dare to interfere with your own particular feedings. I’m actually rather looking forward to a little dalliance with my fellow inquisitive minds.” He waved across the room at a hobgoblin standing next to an illithid, the sight itself making Haarlep relieved that Raphael had chosen to sequester himself away from the festivities for a change to focus on his contracts. “Now, do tell me everything tomorrow, I shall be very interested to hear of your experience.”

Before Haarlep could so much as enquire what in all the hells the odd little man was on about, he was already walking away. With several of the couples already making their way to their rooms, the incubus chose to finish their glass and begin to visit the rooms they had arranged earlier.

---

Chapter 2 - The Pleasures of Elves

The first door opened to a sight that Haarlep drank in like a well aged spirit.

A familiar looking elven rogue was on the bed, her vampire lover on one side and their druid on the other. All three looked as hungry as the incubus felt, licking their lips as they padded softly across the cool floor to the bed where the trio were waiting.

“That didn’t take long, you owe me 5 gold.” Tav smirked, her body an open invitation which had been addressed to everyone in the room, and Haarlep was ready to lick the edge of her envelope to seal the-

They shook their head for a moment. That wasn’t right, was it? They looked back at her, admiring how her heaving bosom danced arousal with every breath.

“Come on, Haarlep, there’s room for everyone.” She beckoned them over, as her lovers began to ply her with kisses.

The incubus blinked away their confusion, savouring the rising lust in the room. Halsin was already guiding her hand towards his growing meatstick, while Astarion favoured pressing his mouth-hole against Tav’s neck, sharp points chomping down into her soft flesh. Tav moaned as his fangs penetrated her pale skin, legs spreading to reveal her moist garden of delight.

They felt their own ridged phallus beginning to try the strength of the leather harness that held them in place, though they were not concerned about seeking their own pleasure yet. They climbed onto the end of the bed, lifting her legs over their shoulders, savouring the little gasp as their spiked clothing pricked the underside of her thighs. Haarlep coiled their arms around her hips, fingers reaching around to dip into the well of her desire before using the ample lubrication to circle her hardened nubbin of pleasure.

Tav’s sounds grew ever more lewd as Haarlep began to taste the nectar of her private rose, with a tongue that could put a hummingbird to shame. They glanced up, seeing her head thrust back into the pillows, her own dirty pillows quivering with excitement as Astarion’s bite had moved down to her chest. The larger of the two elves was enjoying the ministrations of Tav’s clever fingers dancing waltz along the length of his organ, the chord sounding from his throat still far from its crescendo.

“My heart,” Halsin began to find his voice, “I need…more…”

“My, my, darling, greedy today are we?” The vampire looked up, a thin trickle of body ketchup trickling over his bottom lip making his teasing question outright hypocritical. “Whatever shall we do?”

“Astarion,” Tav moaned, cheeks hot and flush with arousal, “I have an idea…” Haarlep didn’t hear what it was that Tav whispered, but they saw the pale elf’s ears tint red. A moment later, he was kneeling on the pillows, straddling Tav’s head but facing towards where they were still drinking in her sweet love-juice before it could spill down her thighs. They slowed their motions, holding her back from finishing while her lovers rearranged.

They were almost disappointed that Tav’s soft little moans were being muffled by Astarion’s firm peach, her tongue clearly occupied with finding the pip at the centre of his forbidden fruit. Meanwhile, Halsin was eager to follow the vampire’s lead as he guided his lover’s head to devour his pink banana with a ravenous appetite.

Seeing all three giving way to such intense desires only served to whet Haarlep’s own already drenched hunger. They curled their tail around to tease a line up from Halsin’s knee, teasing the soft and tender flesh of his juicy ham hock, feeling a thin trickle of oil slick betraying his readiness for what they were planning.

The incubus was delighted to feel that the huge elf’s nether pit was ready to receive a fiend. They teased at his heated taint for a moment, relishing how he moaned his desperate need around the length of Astarion’s schlong bulging in his throat. The delicious noise only grew louder when they slid their tail several agonisingly slow inches into his tight and welcoming cave… They took a moment to imagine how good it would feel to slide their turgid meat-popsicle deep inside the druid instead, but that would have to wait for another day.

Haarlep refocused their efforts on Tav now, shifting slightly to change how they were teasing her planes of pleasure. Their fingers reached to curl inside her, tongue tracing out limericks on her sensual protuberance, sharp teeth just grazing her skin as she keened a wail deep into Astarion’s pleasure pocket.

She was, of course, the first to break. The incubus was well versed in how to reduce Tav to a quivering mess of flesh, her liquor of desire coating their lips and tongue as they sucked every last moment of her climax into full and shaking overstimulation. Her lovers were not far behind, Astarion spilling his essence into Halsin’s waiting throat, the larger elf happily devouring it all as his own orgasm began. For a moment, Haarlep was concerned their tail might be bruised by the clenching of the druid’s muscular sphincter, a volcano of spicy mayonnaise spurting forth from his thick tally-whacker as Tav continued to pump it in a tight grip. Satisfied that the three would be more than able to continue without them, Haarlep licked the last of Tav’s personal syrup from their fingers. Above them, Astarion was doing the same for Tav’s hand which was dripping with Halsin’s honey-milk. Everyone had eaten well, and their shared pleasure had easily risen the incubus’s greed to sample something from as many rooms as they could before the dawn brought an end to the festivities. Although, as they stepped back out into the hallway, they couldn’t help but wonder what exactly it was that Volo had put into the drinks. Or, perhaps more concerningly, how they were becoming accustomed to the pervasive strange mood permeating their sexual exploits.

---

Chapter 3 - A Tiefling Roasting in Hellfire

The second room was hot. Hotter than usual, which Haarlep soon realised was due to the presence of a certain one-horned Teifling who was eyeing them suspiciously. Wyll’s eyes almost mirrored Karlach’s asymmetrical horns as he leaned back on the chair with his arms folded behind his head, watching as the incubus closed the door.

“You look…comfortable~” Haarlep greeted the pair, before indicating the third in the room with them. “Though he looks distinctly less so.”

They were referring to the other Tiefling, peach hued skin completely devoid of clothing as he was on his hands and knees, blonde strands falling from the messy bun tied high at the back of his head. He didn’t turn to look at the new entry to the room, nor did he make a sound as his head was completely flush with Wyll’s lap. “Not to worry,” Wyll smiled, “Dammon’s fine where he is for now.” The blacksmith’s tail twitched slightly at the mention of his name. “Shh you stay where you are, good boy.” Karlach shifted in her own seat, bringing her legs up to use her lover’s back as a stool as she addressed Haarlep now. “Listen, demon-”

“Incubus.” They corrected her, a little annoyance in their voice only quieted by the wave of arousal that beckoned to them, drawing their eye to the dripping manhood beneath Karlach’s footrest.

“Whatever. I don’t usually associate with your sort, but given we are here on your invitation, and I’m able to breathe pretty freely here, you can stay.” Her brow furrowed, the glow in her chest looking all the more like a flashing warning. “But there are ground rules.”

“And what would those entail?” Haarlep began walking towards the trio, inspecting the slightly trembling limbs of the man on the floor with interest.

“First, no touching me. Look all you like, but I don’t want your hellish rod anywhere near my womanhood, and if even one drop of your infernal splooge gets near my minge I will personally incinerate you.” Her tone left no room for argument, and beside her the warlock was nodding.

“Him you can touch, me perhaps. But it might be best if you sit back and watch.” He paused for a moment in thought. “You don’t need to be a direct participant in fornication to feed from it, right?”

“I do not.” Haarlep nodded. “Although most find it far more enjoyable when I am an active player in our little games~” Wyll idly stroked the his lovers horns, pushing him down a little further onto his semi. “Good boy, a little more tongue now.” A slight mewl sounded from the blacksmith, muffled but carrying the taste of his lust in the noise. Haarlep licked their lips, savouring it. “Be that as it may, we have enough pieces on the board without your assistance, no matter how capable that might be. Do you agree to our terms?”

They took a moment longer, considering the offer, and the other offers that awaited them in the other rooms. “Very well, entertain me.” The incubus pulled up their own chair, choosing a position with the perfect view of the trio.

Karlach removed her feet from the blacksmith’s back and leaned over to lay a sloppy smooch on Wyll’s waiting lips, guiding his fingers to find the pearl of her dripping clam. “I’ve been waiting all day for this, soldier, please -”

He wasted no time in drawing her to breathlessness, the man below still warming his swiftly stiffening pipe and shifting to accommodate the growing swelling in his mouth. Wyll made short work of whipping his lover into a frenzy, expertly twiddling his thumbs around the nether-nipple between her folds. He added to her sensation with his fingers hammering into the meat of her snatch, savouring the howl that fell from her lips as she creamed over his hand. Haarlep licked their lips involuntarily as they watched Wyll devour the splooge from each finger in the manner one might enjoy the last hint of icing from a slice of cake. They continued to watch, enraptured, as the Tiefling woman recovered her senses and began searching through her pack that had been left carelessly on the floor nearby. Their eyes widened as she pulled out several metal dongs, increasing in size until she was finally satisfied with the one she held.

The final one she chose was almost impressively large - even by their own standards. She held it out towards the warlock first as she sat back in her chair, legs spread and feet resting on Dammon’s back again. Her weeping quim was clearly desperate to be filled, and Wyll obliged by casting mage hand to grip and manipulate the huge steel tickle-stick. “Gods, more!” She cried, gripping at her own heaving bosom as the mage hand increased its thrusting with a motion from Wyll’s hand. “We have to get it…good…good and warm…for him…” She panted heavily like a dog with its head sticking out of the window of a fast moving carriage, her hips bumping around like the carriage was going down 3 flights of stairs with the thrusting of the toy.

The tiefling on the floor remained as still as he could, his tail betraying his excitement as it quivered behind him. Karlach managed just enough presence of mind to coil her own tail beneath him, taking a grip of his turgid knob to give it a good yanking.

She jizzed with the force of a typhoon, barely releasing the blacksmith’s favourite hammer in time before she risked ripping it clean off his body with the force of her explosion. Her breasts danced erotically, nipples spinning with delight in the waves of pure bliss that took over her mind and body.

Haarlep raised an eyebrow as they watched, not entirely certain what tricks reality was trying to play with physics, but it didn’t seem to matter to the three. Wyll was holding Dammon’s head gently, soothing the blacksmith while he still did not empty his mouth of the warlock’s mighty staff. Karlach took a few minutes to recover, finally fishing the leather harness from her pack and fixing the huge unit to it with ease, though it seemed a little difficult even for the barbarian to move around with it swinging about in front of her drenched muff.

She made sure to spread more of her slick moistness over the ridged metal before taking hold of the blacksmith’s tail and lifting it up. She pulled out a plug that was about half the size of the massive wanger she was wearing and tossed it casually to one side. It didn’t take much longer for her to knock on his backdoor, taking his muffled approval as invitation to thrust all the way in with one strong motion that made him almost choke on Wyll’s skin flute.

The barbarian soon set a pace that could be described as barbaric, her breasts dancing to the rhythm with enthusiasm. Her tail curled around again, taking a grip on the blacksmith’s wing-wang and guiding his tail underneath herself to stuff it into her flesh pocket. Meanwhile, Wyll had his hands wrapped around Dammon’s horns, imitating a pole rub as he continued to have his soul sucked out of his ween.

Haarlep felt a little pang of jealousy, but the lust in the air tasted better even than the lingering hint of Tav’s body on their lips. The licked them, straying one hand over their harness as they watched the trio spill out across the floor - or in Wyll’s case down his lover’s throat as he held the man close in place, hips bucking into him as he spooged enthusiastically.

The incubus stood to leave while the trio were still regaining their breath. “Done so soon? I thought you devils had more stamina.” Karlach called out, still thrusting slowly as her overstimulated lover whimpered into Wyll’s groin, twitching and dripping onto the floor below. She slapped his toasted buns and drew a longer, muffled moan. “You could keep count if you like, see if we break our record with him.”

“A tempting proposition,” they replied already turning to head to the door, “however I have plenty of other guests to attend to. Ones who are not averse to my participation.”

“Suit yourself,” Karlach shrugged, looking back towards Wyll. “Ready, soldier?”

“Gods, Karlach, give me a minute…” He stroked the loose hair of the man betwixt his thighs. “Good boy, keep me warm a bit longer…mmmyes right there, your tongue-"

---

Chapter 4 - A Dictionary of Discomfort

Haarlep strolled down the halls, passing through a few rooms as they went. They spent some time with Shadowheart and Lae’zel, helping them to settle an argument about who was taking which role by taking their Archduchess form and allowing the two to compete. It was a spirited debate, and it was nice to finally have their own personal Cania flooding at last.

The gith and the half elf were not done when they left though, the ‘argument’ turning into a full battle of stamina. The incubus made sure to leave them with plenty of water in reach, neither seemed willing to back down until the other passed out from the exertion.

The next though… They paused in front of the next door, hearing the sounds of a far more intense session. They could almost taste the desire emanating from behind the solid wood, the door creaking open to reveal the sounds of the penitent and the priest beyond.

—

The scene was even more enticing than Haarlep imagined. He Who Was balanced on his toes, ankles chained to a sturdy pole with the hint of the toy at the top of it between his pale rear cleavage. At least a third of its length was filling his tight hole, a little oil trickling down his thighs. Abdirak was stalking around the nude Shadar-Kai, still fully clothed and wielding a thin crop that was leaving reddened welts across pale skin.

“You are here to witness his penance? Or to join it?” Abdirak turned towards Haarlep, a wicked light reflecting off the cold steel of his face orbs. He had a way of looking right through Haarlep that sometimes put even their iron nerves on edge. They closed the door behind them, the click of the latch adding to the metallic mood of the room.

“That depends~” The incubus stalked forwards, tail swishing behind them, wings rising and stretching in anticipation. “Do you wish to remain in this role? Or to endure your own pain for your Maiden’s blessings?”

“I will not object.” He Who Was gasped, still trying to stay upright on his toes as Abdirak walked around to his front, tilting his chin up with one finger to observe his reaction.

“You are certain, Dear One, that you can endure the agony delivered by another’s hand?” The priest checked, still watching closely even as Haarlep stalked around behind him to peer at the bound elf balancing on his toes. The incubus leaned over the spiked pauldrons of his shoulder, sliding their arms around his waist and savouring the jealousy in the green tinted eyes of He Who Was.

“You need not concern yourself with what I can endure.” The Shadar-Kai responded firmly, the inky void of their gaze meeting the fire in Haarlep’s own eyes with a dauntless intensity, despite his current predicament.

“Then so be it.” Abdirak leaned back towards the incubus. “I trust you will not disappoint. He has been… prepared , as have I.”

Haarlep caught the meaning of his words - there would be no need to butter up the back alley of either man, nor would they need to be concerned about an abundance of pain. That was what they both wanted most, after all.

It was the work of a few moments to pull the strands of the Weave in a spell that summoned a handful of red imps from another part of Avernus. The creatures sprang into the air with a brief and acrid scent of smoke and sulphur, and issuing orders in the infernal tongue was just as swift. Haarlep stepped back from Abdirak, though their hands drifted across his bare torso first, lingering and dragging a hint of claws as they moved away. Before parting completely, they slipped the crop from his hand, tapping it against his side to make a point.

“You won’t be needing any of this either~” They commanded the imps to remove the priest’s clothes, stacking though they saw no point in reminding the creatures to be careful with the sharp edges. Abdirak appeared pleased that the blades and points of his outfit tore at his flesh. Next, the imps wrapped their tails around his body. Some on the legs, some on the arms, a couple around his tender belly meat, fully supporting him as he was lifted into the air and suspended in a manner similar to the intricate rope patterns he often enjoyed. Haarlep stood facing the pair as they were held apart, eyes locked on one another. First they gave He Who Was a little whippy whip with their tail, striking his legs and watching with delight as the elf struggled on his toes, the end of the pole sinking deeper to probe his desperate prostate. Abdirak was granted a firmer slap to his nip nop with the whip crop, a deep grunt of appreciation reaching Haarlep’s approving ears. Both men were clearly craving the sweet agony of well applied domination, which the incubus was more than happy to provide. They continued a while in the same manner, alternating which got the crop and which took the hit from their tail instead. They were like a cat toying with its prey, adding their claws and teeth to the mix when the impact became dull.

They needed more though, more than just the panting and keening of two masochists who were about ready to nut if someone bit them in the gonads. Although…there was an idea. The imps followed instructions well, lifting Abdirak and turning him face down, bringing his face close to the elf’s twitching stiffy. Haarlep moved behind the priest, pressing his legs apart and digging their claws into the soft meat of his rump.

Their height worked to their advantage, finally dismissing their harness to let their gurt wanger flop out - although if there was one thing to be said about their sex right now it was certainly not floppy . They pushed into him, feeling how tight his ring felt despite the ample preparation, commanding him with a simple motion to begin to give He Who Was a little sucky-sucky.

The incubus stretched their wings behind them, pleased that the only sounds they could hear were the wet slaps of their bollocks smacking against Abdirak’s ass, and the keening wails of both men enjoying and enduring their session. They made sure to provide the priest with as much pain as Loviatar demanded, sinking claws and teeth into his back and arms, commanding the imps to tighten their grips and pull at his joints so he moaned with a mouth full of elf-boner. They wrapped their tail around his hot manhood and teased at his leaking hole with the tip, threatening to plug it before it could spill, yet not following through on that threat either.

He Who Was appeared to be struggling to control his voice, calling out long and loud, torn between succumbing to the pleasures of Abdirak’s skilled mouth and trying to prevent the pole he was balanced on from driving too deep and filling him completely. Eyes flashed from inky black to bright glowing green and back again, names Haarlep didn’t care for leaving with his composure presumably through an open window somewhere. Did the room have windows? Did it matter? Eventually Haarlep felt the building peaks of both men, licking the flavour from the air and savouring it before they blew their respective loads. Abdirak dutifully took every drop of his lover’s protein shake, swallowing with a satisfied moan as Haarlep filled him from the other end, the pulsing inside finally shattering him into squirting his jizz across the floor.

Once all three had regained their composure - hardly a tough task for the incubus, though they did enjoy teasing both past their limits before they were done - Haarlep commanded the imps to set Abdirak on the floor once more, even motioning for a couple to support He Who Was. The Shadar-Kai was drunk on pleasure, the shaped end at the tip of the pole now fully seated within him.

“You were both…delicious…” They mused, taking a moment to caress the cheeks of both men in an almost loving gesture. Almost. “I trust you can take care of yourselves from here?”

“Until next time.” Abdirak nodded, before releasing the ankle restraints and taking He Who Was into his arms, lifting him from the pleasurable prison he had been placed upon. “Ah, Dear One… Let me savour your pain like a fine wine. You still wish for more, do you not?” Haarlep left them to it, knowing the screams of pleasure and agony entwined would echo from the walls from both for hours to come.

---

Chapter 5 - Coming to an End

“There you are, my friend!” Volo beamed excitedly as Haarlep finally arrived at the last room. Their other guests had all been attended to and left more than satisfied, though the remnants of the wizard’s particular wine still left their head full of strange words and thoughts. “Come, come. We have been awaiting your report rather eagerly.” The incubus followed the excitable man inside, noting the mindflayer and its partner were sat, fully nude, discussing a notebook whilst filling its pages. “They’re here.” The hobgoblin spoke plainly, turning to face them.

“Take a seat, my good incubus, I have been so desperate to hear how inspirational the evening has been!” The wizard’s grin spread to every whisker of his beard, pulling a chair close to where the lovers sat together, Omeluum’s tentacles idly caressing Blurg’s body as it greeted them telepathically. “The wine has been of great interest to our studies. One has been taking note of everything within your mind, recording it, for posterity. Do all of your kind possess such an appetite?” It regarded them, with what they could only assume was a judgemental gaze, though something in its eyes also looked…impressed? Curious? Haarlep wasn’t entirely sure how to read the expression of a being with tentacles for a face and no genitals to speak of.

“You’ve been…writing what’s in my mind?” Suddenly things began to make more sense, and they turned to Volo who was still smiling like a fool. “Is this what you poisoned the drinks with?”

“Oh, no! No no no, picking up on thoughts is a particular skill of our tentacled friend here. I just added a little of my personal supply, a particular potion developed in the far lands of-” “The point, if you please.” Their tail batted at his shin like an irritated cat.

“No appreciation for a good story these day-” Another swipe, higher up his thigh and dangerously close to the end of his personal staff. “It’s one I drink when I wish to write the more…erotic literature, you see. I find it makes the words flow far more freely, dissolves away all those nasty little blocks where one can’t find the right word to describe the situation.” “So you end up with the wrong words…” Haarlep sighed, the plethora of wizard sleeves and tickle-sticks running through their mind finally adding up to the sum total of fuck this guy. Although, that might not be such a terrible idea… “Tell me, do you have any other uses for that mouth other than running it a mile a minute?”

“We do have room for another chapter.” Omeluum addressed the room through their collective minds. “One might wish to experiment with the effects of an incubus…”

“Agreeable. Fine data to add, while the opportunity presents itself.” Blurg agreed, dutifully presenting himself as another point of data.

“Hmmm I have yet to bed such a collection of creatures at one time, but I shall endeavour to please one and all, in the name of research!” Volo ejaculated, from his mouth this time but it was clear he was quite keen for other options with the speed in which his clothes hit the floor.

Haarlep contemplated their options. By now, Raphael would be passed out over his desk, drenched in sweat and his own emissions from the amount of stimulation through their deal’s connection. They had planned to go there soon, wake him and make him beg for a their full attention, to feel pleasure firsthand and not just ecstasy’s lingering echoes through Haarlep’s copy of his form. But…this was an intriguing proposition, and it would be a way to take a little revenge on Volo for tainting their night’s pleasure for his own gain. Not that they hadn’t enjoyed their time, of course, but…

“Agreed.” They nodded. “But the wizard will need a gag.”

—

By the time Haarlep was in the baths in the Boudoir, the light of whatever passed for dawn in Avernus tinting the room a brighter orange, they were entirely satisfied. Raphael’s stomping around and complaining washed over them like the scented soaps that smoothed their skin, as they completely ignored his rampage over how they had taken far too many lovers in one night and ruined his favourite underclothes. A copy of the manuscript, complete with the final chapter with the wizard and his cohorts, was already tucked safely away under the bed. Perhaps they could bind him to the bed and read it to the furious Master of the House later. He might quite enjoy hearing about how his Little Mouse had let her breasts bounce boobily as she squeaked with delight… They shook the thought from their head. Later. For now they continued to wash the kisses of a hundred lovers from their skin whilst trying to scrub the last of the terrible literature from their mind.

--- --- ENDING NOTES --- --- Thank you for joining me on this misadventure! Be sure to check out the other works in the collection or tagged on here with "BG3AprilFoolishness" This was...an experience? Let's call it that~ Really though it was fun to play with things being silly and using the worst terms I could drag from the depths. If you found this erotic, I'm not sure if I should thank you or apologise, either way NO REFUNDS! Until next time, loves, I promise I will never write anything this intentionally awful again. Probably. Until next year.

25 notes · View notes

pokemon-card-of-the-day · 18 days

Text

Pokemon Card of the Day #3144: Gengar & Mimikyu-GX (Team Up)

Gengar & Mimikyu-GX was all about punishing large hand sizes. It hit really hard if the opponent had a bunch of Trainer cards, but wasn't so great otherwise. This was hard to control, and you were very unlikely to see this was a main attacker as a result. It was, at least, good in enough spots and in an accessible enough package that some Psychic decks could seriously look at this. It wasn't like 2 Energy was a lot to pay for and it was a Basic Pokemon, so a backup role was certainly a possibility in theory.

240 HP was a bit lower than the typical Tag Team. It combined with the Weakness to Darkness to actually cause a real problem in most formats. SUM-On had a lot of Zoroark-GX, and giving up 3 Prizes to a hit from that common of a Pokemon was not good at all. Spiritomb could also take advantage of it in UPR-On, then the later Eternatus VMAX could all cause problems in a big way. A Fighting Resistance was less likely to matter until the very end, where TEU-On had Rapid Strike Urshifu VMAX to consider. It actually could let this card survive and extra turn and was nice there. The Retreat Cost was 2, so Switch was nice but not absolutely required.

Poltergeist was really good in the right spot but not too reliable. 2 Psychic Energy let you look at the opponent's hand. The attack did 50 damage for each Trainer card there, so even 3 Trainers made this reasonable. Big hand sizes could be punished nicely by this, but the attack was also prone to being awful against small hands and things like Judge or Marnie weren't going to guarantee a full hand of Trainers. This made Gengar & Mimikyu-GX terrifying in spots but pretty poor in others, but even seeing this card on the field made people have to play differently to avoid the attack so it had value in games in that way even if the big hit didn't go off.

Horror House GX was meant to set up Poltergeist, but you only got to do it once. The attack did no damage for a Psychic Energy, but it also prevented the opponent from playing cards of any sort from their hand during their next turn. Each player also drew cards until they had 7 in their hand. This basically forced the opponent to have 8 cards there during your next turn, and that gave a good chance at a huge Poltergeist. It also could prevent the opponent from setting up during that time, which was useful if you needed an extra turn and they didn't have their side ready to go.

Gengar & Mimikyu-GX found a role in several decks as a back-up attacker that took advantage of the spots it could hit really hard in. Malamar decks were the first ones to use it, and Psychic versions of Mewtwo & Mew-GX could access the attack here from the discard pile. Later decks like Dragapult VMAX and Shadow Rider Calyrex VMAX sometimes kept a copy of this around as well for the same reasons. While it was never the focus of the deck, it had enough moments that it was something you had to know was available when facing decks of the type.

#pokemon #pokemon tcg #card of the day #gengar #mimikyu #gengar & mimikyu-gx #team up

13 notes · View notes

jamiebluewind · 4 months

Text

Watched the first episode of Fantasy High Junior Year. Took a hot minute to realize that all the references and NPCs weren't things I just forgot about from sophomore year. Felt like I was watching a season finale before watching the season and was so confused! Without getting too spoilery, he should have known better than to try that AGAIN, the minis are INSANE!, I have a theory on an upset stomach, get ready to take 10d8 psychic damage from cringe, my bestie paused it in the first few minutes to magically solve all the problems, and can I slap a fictional character? Also, watch the Adventuring Party talkback because honestly it helped me understand the fuck was going on!

Random question, but any preference on how I should tag spoilers for anyone who needs it? I was thinking either fh junior spoilers or junior year spoilers, but I'm open tto other suggestions.

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #d20 reaction #fantasy high junior year #fh junior spoilers #junior year spoilers #spoilers

20 notes · View notes

lesbianralzarek · 5 months

Text

tag this with 1 food that everyone but you (and potentially your family) does incorrectly. i just went on google image search and took psychic damage from the green bean casseroles that the rest of you eat

22 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

stephank

Stephan K

dylan-ohhmybrien-blog

dylan ohmybrien

defenestrationtactics

totally f***ed up

ccycloneblogging

A side blog

chiquisrivera

† Jenni Rivera † Chiquis Rivera ❤Jacquelin Melina❤