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dnp-pet-rectangle · 1 month

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WAD reflection from the perspective of a theatre director

Inspired by @/calvinahobbes who did an amazing job breaking down the show’s metaphors & using her English degree in this post, I wanted to share my perspective on it (even a month later) & get use out of my theatre degree lol. Also, warning, this will be very much a long, long essay with run-ons. I have ADHD & I love when my frequent hyperfixations intersect 🤪 There are major spoilers.

My Background:

I am a semi-professional theatre director, but more broadly, a theatremaker. I have a theatre degree from New York University’s Tisch School on the Arts (NYU Tisch), where I did a conservatory program with one of their studios which focused basically on those who wanted to do a little bit of everything and create new works & was the only studio training directors & playwrights. I originally went into the program as a performer. I did not mean to end up concentrating on being mainly a producer & a director, but that’s a whole other story. I also through that program had to take theatre/performance studies courses, which I loved for the most part & is an interesting interdisciplinary field. But I will try to define terms just in case since anybody reading this may not know any or all the specific terminology I might use. In short, I have a fancy degree that apparently should cost $300k 🤡 & I’m gonna actually use it with doing this lol

Setting the Tone:

While Dan might call this a comedy special or comedy show, and thereby comparing it to other comedians, I actually think he is doing himself and We’re All Doomed (WAD) a disservice. I saw folks compare him a lot to Bo Burnham in the chat (who was actually was accepted and almost went to NYU Tisch for a different studio that focused on solely experimental work), which makes sense considering the theatrical nature of both of them. However, Dan actually goes further into the realm of theatre because of how he utilizes his crowd work (I’ll go into that later). I recognize traditional comedy specials/standup as having jokes or stories, when doing you know like late night talk show interviews, that can be made outside of the context of the show & slip into a conversation. Or with Burnham’s Inside Out, the songs & other parts can be done or understood mainly out of context, as seen through Bo uploading them to his YouTube channel. Comedy specials have the sections of their comedy stand-up thread together, but what Dan has done is weave his sections together. The length along with the intermission/interval being a part of WAD, adds to my point that he is not treating this as different material he tested out at different comedy clubs, but as something cohesive storytelling pieces. I think in terms of testing, Phil was the main sufferer audience member of the initial materials being created.

Anyway, you cannot as easily remove it from the context at certain points, because the transitions & the order of these different sections are treated as equally important, rather than a means to move on to the next section, with some possible space for improv.

Basically, I’m bi. Sorry, my brain started thinking about BIG when I started writing “basically” at the start of that sentence. Actually, what I am trying to say is that I would classify We’re All Doomed as a one-man performance piece/show, so I will be treating it as such in my review/reflection/breakdown. The comedy of it is important and there, but I don’t think it captures what WAD entirely is.

Also, unfortunately due to where I was at mentally at the time & the location it was being performed at, I never saw this live. To be honest, how it got framed marketing-wise did not help me feel connected with the actual purpose of the show, with hope being a key element. So while this was filmed, I am as much as possible trying to remove the cinematography as an element of my analysis. However, some things might be clearer on film, as with theatrical directing, you cannot add a zoom or crop & instead are trying to ensure moments are clear to an audience by what they see and hear through drawing their attention to it. With theatre being mainly about the live output by performers and intake by the audience, at the end of the day, what my job as a director is is to direct not only how the performers share the story, but also direct the audience on what is important to catch for understanding.

Breakdown of Thoughts

Originally, I wanted to rewatch the show again, and started to, but considering I ended up writing about a whole page worth of things for each minute of the show & I was sleepy by the time I was like 5-10 minutes in, I decided to be nice to myself & stay up all night in my comfortable bed instead of staying up all night at my desk trying to take in-depth notes 🙃

I’m gonna breakdown this analysis/reflection into further sections, just to give myself some anchors & break up the blocks of text. Also as a way to just be that pretentious, maybe with an academic flair, as is fitting to be for something about Dan Howell (said affectionately 💕)

The Script/Writing

When considering the text of the show itself, two things came to mind for me:

(1) This is definitely what I would call intertext. Intertext is a piece of writing that relates to another or more other writings through allusions. WAD is an intertext which alludes mainly to other works of Dan’s on his YouTube channel. The ability to get the true impact of the show relies on you knowing Dan (as his internet persona) on some level. And as a theatre maker & longtime fan, I love that it is, it’s what the piece needed to be. As a theatre producer, the hiatus from engaging with his audience and the limited runway given to reactivate interest in him and his creative work I think made it difficult to get that audience in some venues, along with some other funkiness (mainly with promo) I am less knowledgeable on. But I think Dan has already learned/continues to learn from that, which I think may have been valuable for him. (sidenote: I need the tea on all that because I love knowing how presenting venues work with performers, as well as the lack of understanding they have of internet culture as it relates to venue leadership.)

(2) This was a work he made for himself. He mentions this both in the show & in reference to WAD multiple times. But I think what truly came to mind for me was that it is still powerful for him to write for himself. He is writing for what he needs to be hearing or wants to be processing creatively.

I think why it is powerful is that Dan has discussed before how much stress he put on himself regarding danisnotonfire, and later Daniel Howell, videos, focusing on the audience, and how he was presenting a specific style/quality of video to them. Add in the layer of being closeted & actively fighting internalized homophobia, and the anxiety he built up makes sense. And I might personally attribute that more to his need to pass as straight & catering I believe at one point to an audience of cishet men, whether actual or perceived by him. Not all videos, especially the most impactful ones in my opinion, rely on this, but it was a key piece of what he made during his rise in popularity on the platform. This catering slowly decreased with the amount of uploads he was doing, along with a more tangible understanding of his audience thanks to the tours he did with Phil. Basically I’m Gay I think was the true shift where he gave himself permission to write work that had a main audience of himself. That’s where his best work has come from, and I think since then, he’s been able to have the space to process things creatively through his writing.

The Relationship Between Performer & Audience

When I was in theatre school, my directing teacher would constantly talk about not just considering the relationship of the performers on “stage” (I did a lot of more immersive work & we only had black box theatres, which is literally a room that is floor to ceiling black) but also the relationship of the performers & the story with the audience. By Dan knowing mainly who his audience would be, the show can now play with that understanding in mind.

This leads to my point that, overall, Dan does not use the fourth wall, and I think that is what makes We’re All Doomed work. It may also be why he called it a comedy show, idk.

For those who don’t know what the fourth wall is, it is a term from theatre originally that is about the way in which a traditional theatre stage (called a proscenium) has three physical walls around it, while there is no 4th physical wall, so the audience can see the performance. If does exist physically, it is only the curtain that acts as the 4th “wall”. So, in order to keep it as a separation between the performers and the audience, the actors treat the side where the audience is as a fourth wall. When someone breaks the 4th wall, this is when they speak to audience directly, rather than to another character. Examples from English-speaking pop culture would be the asides from Hamlet or Ferris Bueller in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. But when you are the only person on stage, the only way to have a fourth wall is when you don’t reference that you know there’s an audience there. Hence, a monologue where the character is talking to themselves or an entity that is not the audience directly (or assigned to be the audience by the director), it is the closest you can have a fourth wall when alone.

Dan in his videos and in his previous tours with Phil never were without direct engagement of the audience (obvious with the naming of Interactive Introverts). It was never not a variation on him speaking with the audience in any type of dialogue, even if done parasocially.

Some of that is not new to theatre, but I would say is that it has become more of a trend within new theatre starting in the early 2010s to have more interactivity and a more authentic, explicit message that no performance will be the exact same. I definitely saw that in the shows I saw both Off-Broadway (which sidenote, all that means is that there’s fewer seats in that theatre, not about quality of the work or how worth it is to engage with) and larger settings like Broadway and the West End. That’s what I love about theatre, and why my own work is more about immersion and direct audience engagement.

Now Dan’s creative works have never been skit only or interested in telling a story outside of the realm of connecting with an audience as a variation of himself, so again, him not using the fourth wall overall is appropriate and fits in with what I mentioned about intertext. The piece does however start with a fourth wall for the music number, which I will walk through fully sharing why I am saying that about the song & dance opening after establishing some other concepts to help build understanding.

Design Can Work With You or Against You

I just want to say out the gate that the design was done really well, and I immediately felt a need to emphasize it after watching the first 10 minutes again.

First, let’s talk about the orange & black aesthetic of the show. Dan may have simply said that the orange just looked cool, but I think I would attribute more meaning to that color. Orange brings to my mind at first instance both a bright happiness/warmth and a sense of caution and warning, like road signs (at least those in America). The themes of the show reflect these two ideas and plays with the tension between them. I don’t know if he or the team meant to have that be a conscious choice, but there’s a joke I’ve had with other directors of when they get complimented on something unexpected, they just nod and say “yes, that was a choice”, even though it was just a random thing that happened or was something that you just thought would be cool to do. Orange runs through the show’s designs and it becomes clear that it is a tool for contrast and emphasis for the points Dan & the director want to make.

Now with the design team of costumes, lights, sound, and media, I can see a clear cohesion. Good theatrical design has the designs act as a character or highlighter in the story. Bad theatrical design can take away/distract from the core intensions of the show. It was so clear to me that the design was a character. And seeing that there were two media designers make complete sense considering the labor lift of both creating the projections displayed, but also creating/filming pieces of the media itself. The music/sound and lighting work well to articulate the manic feelings it means to instill in the audience and seeing it as a director, I assume part of the creative discussion was about parts of the media played they wanted to make sure were heard, and the lights help catch attentions in service of those pulled out moments. For costumes, I think Calvina did well in her post at articulating the elements of the costume and the progression it goes throughout the show. I’d rather not take up space to say the same thing truthfully.

With all the design elements, I think three characters could be defined (not including the audience), two as main characters, and one as a supporting character. I would name the main characters as “the Circle” (the looming set piece throughout hosting the projections used throughout) and “Dan On Stage/Dan performing” (the one in the physical space) with the “voiceover Dan/inner voice Dan” as a supporting character. The voiceover only exists in the beginning, and it is only shared with us to demonstrate the way in which the Dan On Stage singing is not really that aggressively optimistic and wholeheartedly believes the words he is singing. He is not the Dan we know from the Internet, so we can cathartically laugh at the attempt to pretend everything is fine. The voiceover only has one role, and it is to force Dan to confront this breakdown has an audience.

Staging an Opening Sequence: Our First Stage Character is the Circle

In directing classes, often what you focus on is called stage pictures, which is meant to help you consider what the actual imagery you want to ensure the audience absorbs for their understanding of the piece. The first and last stage moment of each act should tell a basic story of what happened, and therefore, are heavily emphasized as important for directors. The Circle (capitalized for reference purposes) being lit up before the show starts and then again in conjunction with the light flashes and sound establishes the importance of the Circle to the show. When the projection comes into play, showing the speech of a 15-year-old Greta Thunberg before beginning to add more, we are then introduced to the purpose of the Circle to be an output/portal for the overstimulation of messages, in this case, I would claim it being what comes from the Internet.

The music/sound and lighting work well to articulate the manic feelings it means to instill in the audience and seeing it as a director, I assume part of the creative discussion was about parts of the media played they wanted to make sure were heard, and the lights help catch attentions in service of those pulled out moments. The Circle also through some of the lighting moments, mimic that of a clock, which again adds to the doomsday, the "end is near" type energy. To have the end of the opening sequence build to an explosion which then shows solid orange at the end while Dan is in silhouette begins the introduction to the orange emphasis & proposes a sort of prophet-like version of him after the apocalyptic imagery disappears as he rises to be seen. What we have opened with is setting the tone to how we should view these two characters of the Circle & the Dan on Stage.

Song Time!

Dan is such a theatre kid & I love that for him. His dramatic side shows through the moment he used a rise to start his show at the top of the stairs, first in a place of seriousness with the sharp lighting and smoke to then bring in a very happy music number. The contrast & switching of expectations is a key of comedic works, and shows through most of the phandom who did not know WAD started with that, as it is indeed funnier if it comes as a shock. The movement & music mimic what folks attribute to as musical theatre, which is campy, happy singing. Knowing he was the one who suggested the song for TATINOF, I am loving Dan clearly wanting to have that opening number of a musical moment, even if it is dripping in irony. The Circle & the lights in this acts as a supporter to the message of it being sunshine and rainbows, with literal rainbow lights included. (Sidenote: I am 99% sure the pigeon coo is Phil, so if anything, I’m disappointed he was not credited as Pigeon sound effect AND remote crisis manager. Idk why I could tell, but both times now, it’s what I immediately thought when hearing that part)

I think of the musical number as the only place where he does have a fourth wall, because the number does not directly reference the audience at the start. It’s a one-man moment and it is about the performance not the audience engagement. It starts falling away when he starts pointing out the “and you”s, but the voiceover is the real break in our understanding of the world. It is emphasized by the color inversion of the sun & sky media of the Circle. The director is saying, this is important to how you now interpret what you’ve seen & will see, this is another shift from what was established of this world.

I should mention “world” is the terminology used to name what the environment the story is being told in with consideration, especially in theatre, of how much of a need there is for suspension of disbelief. I believe this term is also referenced a lot when discussing the fantasy and sci-fi genres, since those also requires some distancing from reality for the audience. This ties into a phrase I will probably end up using a lot of “rules of the space”. When establishing this world for the show you are presenting to an audience, there is a type of logic that must be established in order to understand what is the baseline for what the audience will be engaging with over the span of the show. But the voiceover immediately changes the rules of the space, because it messes with the Dan on stage, and messes with the messaging of the Circle. It adds a new context to the Dan On Stage, as while a fan will know that this song is not in alignment of our knowledge of Dan Howell, we get confirmation that this indeed ironic and outside of the branding that Dan has boxed himself into over his time on YouTube.

But the voiceover is also not in alignment with that “branding”. It expresses concerns related to the Dan On Stage’s mental wellbeing. There is no irony or subtext in that voice, it is the most direct in speaking to Dan On Stage, because it is being said by a variation of Dan in voiceover to himself. These could be seen as questions he knows to ask himself, but as someone who advocates for mental health & shares now about being openly gay, I interpret that he may feel he cannot express that outside of his mind for fear of undermining his advocacy points. The discussion of the “wonders” of the Internet also continue building in the tension that exists throughout WAD of how Dan feels about that space. The voiceover then proposes at first a type of equal extreme, which only sees the Doom, and as someone with clinical Depression myself, I think is only a furtherance of the breakdown, rather than the reality check it started off being. Not that what is listed is wrong by any means, but the barrage of it is meant to expand the drowning feeling, not act as call to action or consideration of the intricacies for engaging in the world. With the Circle’s sun imagery & the music having been inverted and shifted to something more sinister, Dan’s movement up the stairs fits a type of circular moment from the first entry of him, where the image of the prophetic figure is questioned on how he alone will solve the climate emergency. The slap & break of character for the Dan on Stage serves to confirm our understanding of the voiceover as the voice in Dan’s head & indeed there are not two Dans.

Also, the sparklers 🎇 showing up really make the key change for the song, but my producer brain is going, “girl, of course you lost money on this show, was that so VERY NECESSARY?” But the dramatic Gemini theatre bitch in me would 100% want this too. I just don’t have a capita£ester working to get sponsorship money in my life, so I have to be reasonable 😔 Also, the confetti with the high note is peak theatre gay so I again, love that for him. And of course, the confetti is orange.

Hints of Orange

When the song reaches its end & the Circle starts showing squares of orange, rather than a full background, this acts as a seed for the breakdown and waterfall of cubes, which Calvina speaks to the orange cube hint at the beginning in her post. The sudden cut-out with Dan simply lit replicates a moment the Circle is not present. The Internet is not present. To crawl to a microphone, the message is not “hey this guy needs two mics”, because we see one on his face, but that the wired mic (which I will now label as “The Microphone”) is a metaphor. It’s a crawl towards sharing out, not suppression. Only when the voiceover of himself points out the audience does he does a full fourth wall break. The suppression did not work, and neither he nor the audience can believe that it was the Truth.

The wire of the Microphone being orange showcases that it was meant to be seen. I don’t think it even in play in terms of the sound, like it might not even be on, considering the feedback nightmare it would likely cause. And no standard microphone used on stages has orange wires, because that would pull the audience’s eyes to it. But that’s the point here.

The rules of the space are now this: the Circle is not always active, the Microphone has significance, the Dan On Stage knows there is an audience. None of these were true before, even the Circle was on before the start. This draws the audience to know there has been a shift & to have the first words said into the Microphone be “We’re All Doomed” solidifies the song moment was a blip, that this is really where we start at. As an example, in the social media section, Dan does a deliberate wrapping of the wire on his hand at the same time the Circle scrolls to the social media icon. It is how the director & Dan are ensuring that we understand “what he is saying and what is been shown on the screen are in tandem”, so if you’re paying attention to that wire, it signals you should look up too.

Every other prop, except I believe the gavel and wig, is also orange. The bubble gun is mainly what comes to mind for me, since the cubes are not as activated as props necessarily. But if an item is to enter the stage, what I interpret it as is that it must be orange, there must be high contrast, nothing in the physical world on the stage can become blurred, only screens have that privilege(?) to have things blend together.

The Power Struggle Between Dan & the Circle

Once Dan has begun directly conversing with the audience, the rules of the space are:

(1) Dan On Stage acts, the design elements react (not including the Circle)

(2) The Circle and Dan have a symbiotic relationship, as neither have complete control over the other & react to what each other are doing

(3) The icons are our guides in understanding the sectioning done throughout the show

(4) Having “One Good Night” is the goal to reach at the end of the piece

As a person, as well as discussed throughout the show, we know that Dan has a contentious relationship with the Internet. It is what has given him his living but has also caused some of his worst moments mentally (2012? I don’t know her). It is the space in which lets him have an audience who have mainly showed him support, but also the space that has fed the cynicism that fuels his clinical depression. There lies in the way in which the Circle exists on the stage & looms over Dan in the background. It’s a necessary evil of what appears on the screen.

Why do I then say that the design elements are reacting? Well, if we remove the Circle from the equation, the lights, sounds effects, and props are all cued off of something Dan does like the clown honk. However, the Circle sometimes cues off what Dan does, but sometimes instigates what Dan speaks to. That especially is evident when video clips play that invoke what media Dan has been contending with on the Internet and the consequences of those things.

The Circle exists throughout both Act One & Act Two, but only becomes passive to the piece when Dan directly shows vulnerability & the removal of protective irony. Calvina spoke to this when discussing the costume choice of him opening the jumpsuit in Act Two to show the orange tank underneath.

Cubes as Articulators

Oh Creator did I have to dig deep into my brain for this term of articulators. So my directing instructor had some key terms that I think I don’t think are universally used, even by American theatre directors or at least in academic settings. She defined articulators to basically be elements that helped give almost like checkpoints for the progression of a throughline in a show. For WAD, that is easily those orange cubes.

When static is displayed on the Circle’s screen each time we transition to a new section, it is not the typical emulation of TV static, it is that sea of orange squares. It is an articulation of those fear, issues, concerns, all those pinpoints Dan speaks to why he says “We’re All Doomed”.

That’s why there is the culmination of the orange cubes falling on him, when he reaches the top of the stairs at the end of Act One. When he circles back to the same stage picture of him at the top, it can been considered a repetition of the prophetic imagery I pointed out from the opening sequence. What changes is that the orange squares enter the physical world, falling onto Dan. He can no longer say they live in his head. They are here and stay in the space until the end of the show. In Act One, they are the looming issues that signal the Apocalypse. In Act Two, they are the rubble that must be sorted through.

Calvina was the one who named it rubble and the cubes as representations of Dan’s problems. To have the audience actually able to take a cube home, she argued, would be symbolic of the audience helping carry that weight. While I’d love that, I mentioned in my tags on her post that I think mentally, that rubble would still be at his feet, even with taking home that visual metaphor. This is Dan we’re talking about, and with personal responsibility being a topic of the show, while it’s not his burden to bear alone, he does have to recognize it exists.

I think the repetition of the prophetic imagery comes to its climax when in the aftermath found in Act 2, voting who to fire into space can and does end up with him being sent by the audience. It represents an understanding of where he exists now from where he did at 18 in terms of social, political, and economic access and the possibilities of his influence. There is a responsibility there that ties to how he can move in the world now publicly, so why wouldn’t he have an existential crisis?

It is a Comedy Though, Right?

This is hundred percent comedy, and obvious dark humor at that. As a director, I love comedy, especially this type, because when an audience gets to laugh, the armor gets stripped away. They have no built-up resistance that let’s any uncomfortable point be heard effectively. It’s why the end’s vulnerability is effective, because we have already joked and laughed about our pains and our desire for escapism. Now we are able to move on into a place of reflection.

To underline why I say this is not stand-up comedy is that Dan has made it a stage show, just one that has comedy as a vehicle for telling this “story”. His interactions with his audience, through both quips based on audience reactions or “heckling” as well as explicitly asking for input into who to shot to space or what to add as a mad lib (generic brand for law purposes), are about being blended into the loose narrative constructed already, not actually to be reactionary like most crowd work I associate with stand-up comedy.

If anything, I could argue that it could be considered a comedy special that “Dan On Stage” is trying to make, but there is actually conflict being introduced that disrupts his set (both the comedy one and the physical one). There is clearly a showing of meta, as Dan makes sure to share thoughts on the creation of the show, the reactions from his overall show branding & imagery, the use of the lift because it was expensive to have. Dan’s comedy style can never be told without reference to behind the scenes, because if this is a creative means to process feelings, there are things about the show & its making that impact what needs to be processed too. It is also related to how his work is strengthened by acknowledging the two-way street of being in a parasocial relationship with his audience.

Can We Have One Good Night?

Another term central to what my directing teacher spoke of was the “Core”, usually a question, though not always, that motivated what was being explored over the course of a theatre piece. At the top, as Dan on Stage exaggerates that love doesn’t exist (which Dan refutes as being an actual belief of his during the afterparty) and other sardonic phrases, he also states he wants to give his audience one good night, because he recognizes the escapism his audience finds in his solo and joint content. We’re All Doomed’s Core is “can we just have one good night, even in the midst of the horrors we have outside of these theatre doors?”. But I would also say that in terms of where his writing was at the time of WAD’s inception and the naming of his mental health book as You Will Get Through This Night, it feels more like Dan himself has been grappling with a Core of “can I have one good night? Or a full 24 hours where I feel mainly happy when all I am bombarded with about the world is suffering?” I think night can be both literal, since we know he has had sleep issues, and metaphorical, as the night can represent this depressive episode he was writing himself out of.

When the mood tracker gets discussed in the last portion of WAD, to see a sea of neutral or uninterested emojis demonstrates when he took the time to do it, the answer that night was “no, not really” 😕. The main one mentioned is the ritual of “Fry Day” he has with Phil (sidenote: why are these British men not calling it “Chip Day”, since this ritual falls on a Saturday?), which is a rare smiley face. The question he likely has then is “can I ever have a good night again?”

So for him to then turn to his own videos during one of those nights, to a video where he states his famous “embrace the void and have the courage to exist,” that showcases what I mentioned of his best work being written for himself, in this case, a future version of himself.

Ending Sequence: Where Do We Land?

When the Circle does not display any media, it again shows the orange square motif, but after mentioning his own video, he turns to his audience for glimpses of what joy exists even in the face of Doom. The Circle changes into a display of different submitted clips showcasing this joy and hope that Dan was clearly looking for throughout this piece. He walks towards the top of the stairs to witness these clips. I cannot for my life at this point having now been separate from it for about a month, but I believe before the submitted media sequence, he states the famous line again of “Embrace the Void and Have the Courage to Exist”. With this last thing spoken, it gives that emphasis needed to take in the message emotionally and then witness what the Void (in this case the Circle) can offer.

A Good Director Should Go Unnoticed

When someone is not versed in theatrical directing, if the audience cannot tell what was a choice by the director or even consider the director themselves, this is weirdly a good sign. It means that it feels natural to what they are witnessing and to the messages that are meant to be communicated to the audience. As someone who also works in government, it feels very similar, as only bad work is evident to the general public. Obviously that is not true for everyone, but is an overall trait I think impacts both an understanding of public service and directing.

I am not familiar with any of the work of Ed Stambollouian, who through research, looks like he has done work with comedians like Joe Lycett (who I am also not familiar with) and directed TATINOF, but also more stripped down, exploratory theatre. Through a quick review of his portfolio, one, I am not shocked that Dan tapped him to assist with directing since there is a familiarity and two, his background tells me he knows how to direct for writer-performers, which is what comedians really are at the end of the day.

To direct for those who are doing one-person shows that they both wrote and performed, it is especially tricky to have the artist hand the reins over to the director. The director in this case acts as the artist’s eyes, because an artist cannot clone themselves. It is impossible for them to wear multiple hats at once, where they can give quality, objective feedback to themselves while also doing a full out performance. For Ed to be someone Dan has worked with before, there is already an established understanding of each other’s work styles, and a trust that otherwise would have to be built up before the work can truly begin to finalize the piece.

In short, Ed Stambollouian and the creative team on We’re All Doomed did an incredible job bringing what I understand Dan intended when he started writing this down in isolation. And @danielhowell you whole-heartedly deserve to call this your magnum opus. What can I say (sorry I can't help lovingly poking fun at you), your artistry shines throughout the show. I hope this too can be something your future self can turn back to.

🧡

(bonus) Thoughts on Orange Carpet & the Phil element

I didn’t fully rewatch the orange carpet, just to keep myself on task & not bring Phil too much into the main reflection without explicit reference in the show, but hearing Dan go “I’m alive in 3, 2…” made me laugh both times. He understands that we just want to know he has a pulse, ya know? Also them pretending it totally was live, when those fools (affectionate) cannot run a real live broadcast from their home for their lives. It just ran too smoothly, esp. in the transitions, for it to be anything but some very, very light editing on one improvised take they did. But I always support them in their acting, no matter how bad, like with DITL Australia’s opener or pretending there were not two apartments or that Google Feud being back was unplanned or Dil being pregnant with a statistically rare alien child or Phil living in a tiled, cramped bedroom or...

Also, Dan’s little laugh at the end of Phil’s sign-off is so fond it hurts. It also hurt that the VOD was hard to scrub through, so another deduction for the Kiswe platform.

Anyway, I’m glad that Dan was able to find space outside of the Dan & Phil branding of the 2010s as well as the image he was forced to manufacture for his YouTube presence, but also realize that with having a core audience that wants him to simply be happy, he can recognize that Phil is part of the things that make him happy. And can do so openly.

He is his own person, but it has been clearly emphasized now that Dan has no interest in not acknowledging that Phil always is and will be part of his present and future. He has made work like WAD & "Gay and Not Proud" to explore his way of thinking without the support of Phil present in the filmed/performed aspect. Dan acknowledges this intention, which is evident with him shooing away Phil at the beginning of “Gay and Not Proud” to process it alone.

It is also evident with the ending of “Daniel & Depression” and the WAD end credit of remote crisis manager showcasing the caretaking role Phil often plays in Dan’s life. But we know that caretaking is reciprocal, considering Phil's tactics with glue as well as his continuing health issues and anxieties. Dan has seen who he is without Phil by his side everyday in the public eye & has no interest in maintaining that Phil is absent for public projections.

I obviously do not know Dan Howell, or anything about him outside what exists on the internet. But in performance studies, there is a foundational understanding that there is no way to not be performing in some way during your day-to-day. Performing is not inherently a bad thing, as there are different roles you take on in your life, where how I engage at work is different from how I am hanging out with friends. This also has basis in gender studies, such as ideas that you can perform your gender "wrong". What has been so interesting to me in this phandom renaissance is the way Dan and Phil each perform as themselves in front of the camera now. What they share out and the layers they include--or choose to not remove--have been stated by them explicitly to be the most authentic they have ever been, without obviously removing their right to privacy. During the height of the glass closet that was their 2018 content, I remember thinking that it was going to be the most they would show us in the vain of "if you know, you know, and we know who will know". After the coming out videos of 2019, obviously that's not true, but the return of dapg has signaled a message of "we know you know, if you've been in the know" while veiled in a way that is not immediately perceivable by those who are casually engaging with their content. It is an authentic portrayal of themselves without filter, while also providing themselves space to not have to announce everything to the world. When you are in the know, it definitely targeted and causes psychic damage, but I am ready for anything and everything they throw our way.

#we’re all doomed #wad spoilers #daniel howell #danisnotonfire #dnp #dan and phil #dan howell #theatre analysis #performance studies #theatre director

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cosmiccgloom · 4 months

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I love going through phases of not taking any pictures of myself for months at a time or taking ten thousand pictures of myself daily and hyperfixating on how my face and body looks and comparing myself to how I looked the previous day for fun (it’s not fun at all🤪)

#natalia overshares

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onceuponaoneshotfanfic · 20 days

Note

i just binged read i’ll write your name😭😭and im obsessed, i LOVE IT. can we have a little sneak peak😭

Not gonna lie, I was pretty hyperfixated on getting Chelsea!Roy going 🤪 but!!! I'm back on IWYN and I have this little snippet, featuring our lovely assistant and a certain walnut misted Greyhound 👀

“You hungry? I can call April and have her bring us some breakfast. She usually comes over the day after the karaoke party.”

Roy set Sydney down and joined me at the counter. “Sounds great, sunshine.”

Ignoring the nickname, I tapped away on my phone. When it started ringing, I put it on speaker, tapping my foot as I waited for her to answer.

“Hello?” April’s voice was groggy and tired. I felt kind of bad and wondered if I’d woken her up; but she was usually an early riser, I reminded myself.

“Morning, April,” I said. Roy looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Are you coming over, babes? I was hoping you’d bring me and Kent some bagel sandwiches or something.”

She yawned in response. “Um, yeah, yeah.” Something in her voice sounded on edge, as if she was dreading something. “Let me, er, shower and, um, I’ll be there in about thirty-”

“Babe, where d’you keep your kettle?”

While I was still processing the familiar voice that came through the phone, Roy’s eyebrows nearly flew off his face. He grabbed my hand roughly and pulled it close to his face so he could bark into the speaker, “Is that fucking Tartt?”

Oh. Oh. I covered my mouth with my free hand to stifle my giggle. Why was Jamie Tartt at April’s place so early in the morning? The morning after the karaoke party, where they’d been flirting all night?

As if it wasn’t completely obvious.

“Oh shit,” Jamie’s voice came through the phone. “Did I just hear Roy?” His voice was louder, as if he was closer to the phone now. “Mornin’, Coach!”

Roy rolled his eyes with a massive growl. When he caught my eye and noticed the way I was desperately fighting laughter, the corner of his mouth ticked upwards in a little smirk, the kind I was quickly becoming used to. “Yeah, it’s me,” he grumbled, still holding my hand in his. “And you better not get yourself a bagel sandwich, you’re in fucking training, pretty boy.”

#asks ❤️#roy kent iwyn #roy kent i'll write your name

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shyphonics · 1 month

Text

Salad Days - Chapter 1: I Against I Against I Against I

Rodrick Heffley x Reader

Baby-Punk AU ✨ (part 2 here!)

No use of y/n, no physical description of reader, fem pronouns

Put yourself in the shoes of a snarky, hyper-competent punk bartender with a tragic backstory (but it's totally not a big deal! Who needs therapy?? lol lmao 🤪)

Some loser from the ‘burbs comes into your bar, and against your better judgement, you decide to show him the ropes of the scene. Even though his band name totally sucks.

Rodrick is kind of a sad, insecure boy in this. He's on bad terms with everyone back home, and absolutely refuses to fully acknowledge it. He refuses to acknowledge any of his emotions. And his quickly growing crush on his new bartender friend…

Also it's 2005 because I say so. Flip phones and email babey B)

Lightly angsty. Lightly based on my own experiences bullshitting my way into the bar scene. Lightly based on my hyperfixation on punk history lol.

Songs for this chapter:

(I haven't written anything in YEARS so I'm sorry if this is bad lol. part 2 and 3 are almost finished oops so let me know if you like it)

/////

In a quest for the test to fulfill an achievement

Everybody's only going to pursue themselves

When the fact of the matter is they just don't care

To extend a helping hand to anyone else

“What the fuck are you doing?”

The kid turns around. He looks like a wet rat. His facial expression says he knows he’s in trouble. He's tall and kinda goofy-looking. His dark hair is messy, and his eyes are overlined in black.

“Uh, hi. I'm Rodrick. I'm in a band, I uh, I wanna play a show?” He squeaks out, waving a barely legible flier in the air.

“Have you been in touch with Mike?”

“Mike?”

“You gotta get in touch with Mike.” you cross your arms and lean against the doorframe, one foot kicked over the other.

He stares at you, guilty and confused. Your expression is throwing him off. Raised eyebrow, pursed lips. It’s the face of a disappointed mom, but you’re… young. And pretty?

“Do you want the email, or what?”

You break his thoughts.

“Yes! Email. Mike.”

You retreat to the office, rifling through papers until you retrieve a business card.

“Mike Morello. By the way, you might wanna change that band name.”

He looks at his flier, “Why? What's wrong with it?”

You look at him for a while, raising your eyebrows higher and higher, as high as you can, until he’s frustrated. His lanky figure is bouncing all over the hallway. Like a dog who needs to go outside. A big, dumb dog. You look at him in true disbelief. You can’t believe he doesn’t know. He has to know.

“What? What?! Stop looking at me like that!” His eyes are wide and frantic, begging you to say something.

“It sucks!” you laugh.

“It does not suck!”

“Dude, it totally sucks. It's gross. What kind of music do you even play?”

“Fucking rock n roll, baby!” He’s pissed off. It’s hilarious.

“Uh huh. And what are your influences?”

“Influences?”

“Influences. Motives. Backstory.” You clutch your hand into a self-important fist.

“What's with all the questions?” He nearly screeches.

“I'm preparing you for Mike. He's a cynical old fart who's mentally still in late 70s San Francisco. You need to impress him, get a good story going. He's not gonna put some suburban garage band up there.”

He frowns. That's exactly what they are…

“I-” he starts.

“That's exactly what you are, yeah. I know.” You smile, “I can smell suburbs, dude. You'll figure it out.”

“Can I have your email? Or y'know, your phone number or something?” he looks nervous, “Just for, like, advice.”

You cock an eyebrow, think for a minute, then grab a sticky note. It’s surprising after how riled up you got him, but boys are weird.

“Number’s too risky. What if you're a weirdo or something? Here’s my email.” you finish scribbling down the address and extend your hand.

“Cool. I’ll use it.” He nods, taking it from you very delicately. Weirdly careful not to touch your hand. Again, boys are weird.

“…cool. See you around. Maybe. Diaper boy.” you smirk.

Before he can retort, you shut yourself in the office. He stands there for a while, trying to think of something to say back, but nothing comes to him.

I am a patient boy

I wait, I wait, I wait, I wait

My time’s water down a drain

Everybody's moving

Everybody's moving, moving, moving, moving

“I think she’s saying we need, like, punk cred. It’s a punk bar, after all.” Rodrick leans back on their crappy couch. It was free on the side of the road when they were moving in.

“Pshh, we are so punk!” Chris chimes in. “Ward has a shaved head!”

He points at Ward's head. Ward crosses his arms and nods approvingly.

“She knew I was from the suburbs just by looking at me.” He puts his head in his hands.

“So what are you gonna say to the guy?” Ben asks.

“I dunno, I kinda wanna email the girl first and ask for advice.” Rodrick mumbles.

“Oh, sure. Advice.” Ben rolls his eyes.

“Yes! Just advice!”

“Is she hot?” Ward giggles.

Silence falls upon the room.

“Whatever! What are our influences? Punk influences!”

“Dude, you're, like, totally wearing a Dead Kennedys shirt!” Chris pipes up.

“Okay, yeah, I like Dead Kennedys.” Rodricks sighs, relieved. He knows ‘Police Truck’. Who doesn’t? It was in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater for fuck’s sake!

“Okay! Uhh, shit, what else did she say… motive!”

“Dude, what?” Ben's eyes go wide, “Like murder?”

“No, dumbass, like why did we start the band?” Ward tosses a crushed beer can at him.

“To get girls? To, uhhh…” Chris trails off.

“To rock and roll! To tell everyone to fuck off and prove them all wrong!” Rodrick yells.

The rest of the guys give a resounding yeah! and raise their beers.

Rodrick opens his laptop, making a big show of stretching his hands. He’s gonna write a masterpiece. Löded Diper is gonna take over this town.

He starts typing furiously, ignoring all the little red squiggles appearing among his words. It doesn't take him long to slow down, though, and he gives up and passes the laptop to Ben. Rodrick’s mind is cloudy. He’s thinking about that girl at the bar. You’d been so… mean. But not? Did you like him? He doesn’t get it.

Heather Hills had made it incredibly clear she did not like him. In fact, she hates him.

He remembers the last day of senior year. He’d handed her a Löded Diper CD, masterfully engineered by the man himself in GarageBand, and asked her to sign his yearbook.

Are you being serious right now? You still owe me for my ice sculpture, pleb!

Oh, uh, right, he’d replied, how much is that again?

Four. Thousand. Dollars. And you’ll never make that much in your life, freak.

He grimaces as the memory infects his brain. Four thousand seemed like a lot for just some ice. He remembers fantasizing, though, about getting signed and nailing down a solid deal. Reimbursing Heather for the sculpture and so much more. Maybe she’d marry him. Hot rockstar with a hot, blonde trophy wife. That had been the dream. Until…

Well. Don’t focus on the past. The past sucks. The future is now.

“Rodrick!” Ben’s hand shakes his shoulder.

“Sorry. Um. I don’t know. I think it’s pretty good!”

Between the bones he had put down, and some additions from the guys, they have what they think is a pretty kickass email.

Rodrick’s mind is still elsewhere, though. The thoughts of Heather had kind of messed with him, and now he’s just thinking about home. He hadn't left on great terms. He really wishes everything could be better. The only support system he has is the band, but they don't talk about that kind of stuff. Not more than once in a blue moon.

He’s where he wants to be and everything. He's living his dream. But something still feels wrong. He feels a little empty.

Your emotions make you a monster

#these boys are dumb and I love them #im having a lot of fun with this #hope u like it mwah #rodrick heffley #rodrick heffley x reader #doawk rodrick #rodrick x reader #punk au #salad days #my stuff

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soupkiddo · 3 months

Text

I have officially watched over 100 episodes of case closed. the hyperfixation is powerful and one piece has trained me for getting through long animes. gotta have something fun to cling to while I work myself to death 🤪

#detective conan #case closed

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snow-licity · 5 months

Text

You've heard of keeping up with the Kardashians🤮 but now we have KEEPING UP WITH MY HYPERFIXATION SHIPS!!

I've gone through at least 5 different ships that I've gotten BACK into in the last 2 months alone! First it was Michael and Nikia, then Ben and Leslie, then Barney and Robin, then Hodgins and Angela, then Monica and Chandler, and now I'm right back to Oliver and Felicity!🤪

Snow and Charming will be added to the list by the end of the year when my yearly Once Upon A Time binge comes along!!

I both love this life and hate it, this has CONSUMED my life!!!

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millenialfanfictionaddiction · 2 years

Text

🪶 Being Karasuno's Manager 🪶

Manager with ADHD

Karasuno x GN Manager

Warnings: Swearing, Bokuto

AN: This is an Anon request!

🌠 Please Like, Reblog and/or Share to help support my writing 🌠

Prayers requested for Daichi's sanity

Honestly tho, if you think about it, this actually works in Karasuno's favor

I mean, Kiyoko is busy with logistics

Yachi is an expert note taker 📝

And that leaves YN to manage Hinata and Kageyama 🤣

Arguably the most fun/stressful job at Karasuno

Let's face it, Kiyoko will probably ask Yachi to monitor all 3 of you 😉

But hey, whatever works

One thing about ADHD is that it can be great when accomplishing tasks

Sometimes you will hyperfixate and just blaze through everything

That's why the towels and water bottles are always expertly filled and folded 💅

Thanks to our amazing YN 👏🏻

Please, you are so fast too

The boys can barely serve or spike before you are ready to receive them

Honestly, you are a huge asset to this team

Because we don't call them Karasuno Chaos for nothing 🤪

Daichi has you managing Hinata and Kags because well, you can actually keep up with them

Your ADHD has taught you to be a planner, to help manage your symptoms

So we set timers ⏲️

Ironically, timers are great for children as well

Aka Hinata and Kageyama 🤣

*timer goes off* "Ok guys, it's time to clean up!"- you

"Awe YN just 5 more minutes?"- Hinata

🎇no🎇- you, ready to just move on

We have tasks to accomplish

Whether tou decide to manage with medication or just on your own, Karasuno will support you

Please there's no way Suga doesn't know everyone's medical history

It's like a weird hobby he has 🤣

"Noya does your arm still bother you from when you broke it in third grade"- Suga

"I actually forgot I broke it"- Noya 😅

Suga will remind you of your medication of you need it and also study up on ADHD

During tournaments, your ADHD can get a little out of hand

I mean, there's so much chaos and noise happening

Even thought you manage a chaotic team, these tournaments take it to a whole other level

So for instance, you might opt to wear headphones to stay focused

Which brings us to our main predicament 👀

You see, when you guys travel to nationals, the stadium is packed

So you decide to put in your headphones, turn up the tunes and go about your tasks

Usually no one bothers you

Unfortunately for you, today is not that day

You are filling g up water bottles when a certain someone approaches

"HEY HEY HEY YN"- Bokuto, screaming behind you

Your earbuds are turned up pretty loud so you don't hear the loud owl boy

"Yn? Hey YN?"- Bokuto, waving his arms frantically behind you

You don't respond...

Bokuto loses his mind 😱

Hinata and Kageyama come around the corner and see Bokuto panicking

Please someone call Akaashi 📞

"Bokuto what's wrong?"- Hinata

Kags is just eating one of those squeeze pouches so his cheeks are all puffed out and he looks so freaking CUTE 🥺

"Can you see me Hinata?"- Bokuto

You 👉🏻 still filling up water bottles, completely oblivious to what's happening

Hinata 👉🏻 so confused

Kageyama 👉🏻 still eating his fuel pouch food thing

Bokuto 👉🏻 convinced his invisible

"I tried to talk to YN but they didn't say anything to me! What if I disappeared?"- Bokuto

Akaashi rolls up and catches the end of the sentence

"Did you just say you disappeared Bokuto?"- Akaashi 😐

Daichi and Suga are now there because their YN senses are tingling

"I SAID HI TO YN AND THEY DIDNT RESPOND TO ME SO WHAT IF I TYRNED INVISIBLE OR WHAT IF YN LOST THEIR EYE SIGHT AND CANT SEE ME ANYMORE"- Bokuto, being totally rational per the usual 🙄

"Yn's not ignoring you Bokuto, they are just concentrating"- Suga

It's too late 😪 we've lost him

Suddenly, you catch sight of flailing arms in your peripherals and you remove your ear buds

"Oh hey guys- BOKUTO WHATS WRONG"- You, now watching Bokuto roll around the floor losing his ever loving mind

"YN YOU CAN SEE ME? OH THANK GOD"- Bokuto, rushing to hug you

"Bokuto, I had my ear buds in. I have ADHD and sometimes it's hard for me to concentrate with all the noise"- you

"Oh I love ADHD! That's like my favorite TV network"- Bokuto

You 👉🏻👁👄👁 whet-

"That's HGTV Bokuto. ADHD is a medical diagnosis"- Akaashi, now pulling Bokuto towards the gym

"Come on Bokuto we need to get you somewhere less complicated"- Akaashi

"BYE YN! GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR USB"- Bokuto

Hinata and Kageyama just watch 👁

"Wait so do you have ADHD or USB?"- Hinata

"A USB is something for your computer you idiot"- Kageyama

"Hey don't call me an idiot, I'm learning!"- Hinata

On second thought, maybe we should be sending our thoughts and prayers to you YN 😅

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genlossneg · 10 months

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ok. i didnt mind genloss, it was ranboos first massive project, theyre only 19 and a streamer, ok. but oh my god would it kill to take an improv class. the first 2 episodes felt like an snl skit. especially when it was branded as original and then was just some sort of frankenstein of different horror tropes from ranboos favourite horror media, that just reminded me of snl stealing joel havers skit lmao.

there were so much issues with it and i feel like i wouldnt mind as much if it was branded as a horror comedy a few months before the show, not 3 days before the show. a few months before and the weeks leading up to may 24th, it was branded as "you arent ready for this. this is groundbreaking, nothing will ever be the same after this show. this is serious." etc and then i think it was like 3 days before may 24th there was that fucking showfall media psa that just felt like ranboo saying "oh btw its a comedy" without warning it caught me so off gaurd lmao.

then he streamed after that sfm psa released and, if i remember right, people were asking about it being a horror comedy in chat and ranboo was like "well yeah obviously did u think id make a project 100% serious? no lol" (dont quote me on that though its been a while) now theyre saying gen 0 and gen 2 are going to be completely horror now, but i dont think thats true bc they also said gen 1 was mostly horror and none of it is

speaking of, the advertising was just lies lol. the whole "little to no filler :D" thing. it wasnt like ranboo didnt expect the improv to last that long bc the expected runtimes (from their tumblr post on may 23rd i think) were sometimes longer than the actual ones. 1st ep was meant to be 1-2 hours, it was 1 and a half, so that much filler and standing around going "what the hell man" was PLANNED. they just lied about no filler to make people excited. just be funny and i wont mind the filler. i like sneegs humour in his streams but here he was just bickering with ranboo. same with ranboo to charlie, charlie was the only one making actual jokes so when ranboo and sneeg were alone it was just "wait so why didnt you just-" "well idk i thought u woul-" "well why would i-" and when i tell you it drained my soul.

ive been a massive ranboo fan for about a year (im recovering dw), and after the game theory episode i got really hyperfixated on genloss (up until the sfm keynote thing i think). i was hyped for it back when T_1 was the only thing released for genloss, and followed it all the way up to the streams. i watched them live and my face was just like 😐 I WAS SO DISSAPPOINTED LMAOOO

the box being 18k pissed me off so much bc an experienced filmmaker/writer/director could make something so much better than genloss with just that 18k. i aspire to make my own live action thing one day, and like, hearing them go "oh yeah the box was 18k and jermas face prosthetics were 10k teehee🤪🤪" was just. AAAAA. and the thing is, like the prosthetics were funny, but spending TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS as a BIT from jerma going "what if i took off the mask and it just doesnt look like me lol" then framing urself as jesus christ and a victim. i am so mad.

idk how to feel about ranboo anymore, i used to watch like every 2nd stream for a while but then the whole "GUYS BUY MY MERCH also racism bad MERCH!!!!! BUY!!!!" thing made me rethink lol. the racist and misogynistic undertones in genloss made me so uncomfy, and while im not poc so i cant speak on that, i have enough sense to know that having the only poc in the entire show play evil rats is so tone deaf.

and niki!! i was worried when the teasers were coming out bc every single person shown in it was a white guy (and a white enby), so i was kind of happier when niki showed up, but then she died within the hour to "commentate on misogyny in media". ranboo thought that he was commentating on misogyny by contributing to it. did they think this through at all. i would have LOVED if they did something special with niki and something powerful, but all that happened was she showed up, cried, then died and now ranboo fans are going "ranboo was so real for this!!!". ik niki had control over her characters writing but im sure ranboo was the one who decided when certain characters died and stuff.

also i hate to say this but the mask flashing to signify if he was in control or not was EXACTLY like a thing in the undertale fanfic (sfw im not weird) i wrote when i was 12 💀💀the characters eyes would flash when they were under control bc edgy. it was so weird watching genloss with that in the back of my mind 💀💀💀💀

in conlusion, genloss had so many flaws and so much easy fixes that it just feels so sososososososo rushed. another year in the oven wouldve been ok i think.

woah this is long im so sorry i do not think only type oops

- the i feel like i should label what kind of anon i am lmao anon

sorry before i get to anything else the undertale bit caught me so off guard omg.

anyways.

it wasnt like ranboo didnt expect the improv to last that long bc the expected runtimes (from their tumblr post on may 23rd i think) were sometimes longer than the actual ones. 1st ep was meant to be 1-2 hours, it was 1 and a half, so that much filler and standing around going "what the hell man" was PLANNED.

this!! the way the second stream just.. dragged was so rough.

the poc/women diversity discussion is something we had on the blog a bit ago as im sure you've seen so i don't have a ton to add but. yeah there were certainly choices that got made there.

very much enjoying all the essays getting dropped in here (even if i feel like my responses are weak sometimes lmao)

#you guys just say so many smart things and half the time im sitting here nodding like “yep!”#ask #gen loss neg #gen loss crit

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scoups4lyfe · 1 year

Text

Since I finally finished making my powerpoint I decided it was time to share it -- and my way of doing that (of course) is by analyzing my hyperfixation for the last four-ish months

DPR IAN.

Some things to know:

DPR Ian was born Christian Yu on September 6th, 1990. (So rn he's 32.)

He was born and raised in Australia

He has Bipolar Type 1

My Experience With Bipolar Disorder

I think that since I am trying to spread awareness about Bipolar and what it’s like — I believe that I should share my own experience. (Hence my eventual inclusion of personal journal entries.)

What’s hard about Bipolar Disorder or BD / BP -- is that there isn’t a lot of awareness about it. I honestly thought my wacky-a$$ behavior was normal, up until I saw an accurately-represented person going through a Bipolar episode — with the aftermath — in a tv show. Which equated to:

“ö!!” response.

Starting with facts

......

Now, on towards Ian's music.

I’ll only lightly touch on this for now because I know I’ll be going more thoroughly in-depth later about these metaphors/motifs; but some of the big things recurrent in DPR Ian’s music videos, song lyrics — etc., are that of Oceans/Lakes (drowning); Moon cycles and Werewolves; Storms. Other things that frequently pop up: Eyes, colors — aka their distinct and purposeful use of displaying something, isolation, religion, medication, fire/burning, guns / shooting, and finally — Suicidal Ideation.

(Yes, that last one is especially important for the topic we’ll be discussing.)

These metaphors — motifs — images / lyricism — are representative of BP. I think the best of all of them involve the moon and werewolves. But oceans / lakes and storms are also just as good. This is because these things are:

Natural — out of control of human hands

Cyclical — for oceans / lakes it’s the tides; storms — obviously by seasons.

Can leave a decent amount of destruction, no matter how beautiful it is.

[Moving on....]

N E R V E S

above are screenshots from Ian's song "Nerves" -- these shots in particular showcased religious imagery, which I found fascinating, based on how deeply entwined religious themes are in his videos / songs.

Ian often likens himself in the position of the devil, the one banished from heaven. There's a dichotomy in his songs, music, imagery, (etc) ; where he's an "angel" and cherished by the creator, and then (when a mood episode comes on) there's this bitterness of abandonment....though I'll expand on that later.

TLDR; Ian is always questioning "WHY" he must live in a looped cycle of intense a$$ emotional highs and lows- of having that burden of being bipolar.

This is why "And you left" -> the shot cuts away from the cross on the road.

Ian is showing (literally, through imagery / his creative vision <3), that he is at a "crossroads" 🤪.

"I still can't believe I left you alone"

Here, the cross is blurred out. So although Ian is saying this about himself, he's also mirroring it to God. "I still can't believe you left me alone." This is why the cross is blurred. Because his God's image or visage isn't "visible" or fully "clear" to him.

"It tore me down to pieces"

Here, Ian looks (visually) like he's kneeling / praying. This accompanied with the lyrics, "It tore me down to pieces" is another way he subtly shows how when God has blurred himself away, when Ian feels most abandoned in his darkness -- that which was hard, only hurts ten times more.

"Don't worry about me, cause I'm doing fine"

Interestingly, the cross is red, which represents love, but can also represent anger.

Here Ian says he's doing "fine" and now we see a cross that isn't blurred out, it's fully visible and outlined in red. Ian's not alone anymore, hence why you don't need to worry about him.

(I'll expand on the list above more as we go on)

Dude, Ian's interview quote fvcking SLAPS.

Especially because he perfectly described what **I** felt / what it feels like when you enter into a major depressive episode. Often there would be days where that was all I could feel --nothing. Blank. Empty.

Last slide of part (1) .

So I'll go ahead and link the MV here:

youtube

I know I have used a screen recording clip of "Nerves" within these past four months when I was rapid-cycling through manic and depressive episodes like a clown juggling barrels of oil lit on fire.

So YEAH. I think it perfectly (visually) portrays what it feels and looks like when you're going through these episodes.

[Next]

Journal Entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5)

PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6], [7] , [8], [9]

Visual Clips (Depressive Episodes): (1), (2)

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myfriendtheghost · 1 year

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Hi sweet Katie! I hope you’re doing well and life has been kind! I’ve loved going through the starcatcher madness with you🤪 here’s to us and the STRONG drink we’re gonna need on album release day

VANNA MY BABY MY LOVE !!! tbh I am not doing well but I’m getting through it with my dearest Joshua and my oomfies and my hyperfixations and therapy 😌 I hope life is treating u well though !! I have had a solid one (1) drink in my life but I fear I may become an alcoholic by the time we reach the end of this era because they already have me STRESSED

#it’s the way this ask is … so old <3 lmao 😭😭😭#IVE BEEN TIRED OKAYYYY #ANYWAYS ILY AND IM SMOOCHING U #asks #s0livagant

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universalsatan · 2 years

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obligatory introduction post

hi guys i'm mando. (my father and abuelo are nando).

i'm trans in a hyper-macho/repressed way (han solo, dean winchester, indiana jones, you get the picture), bi in a very gay way (i have been pining over the same idiot for the past 5 years, which might make appearances in tags), adhd and autistic in the sexiest way possible (oscillate wildly between golden retriever and spock). i also stream on twitch sometimes, under a pseudonym you totally can't find by snooping through a music link included in this post.

this account is literally whatever i feel like (occasional 18+ humour, follow under your own discretion etc etc). the only thing i properly tag anymore is vid so i can find them again easier, and "personal" if i gotta vent or whatever (for potential tag blocking purposes). i still update the star trek blog, my dean aesthetic blog, and my bfu one (once in a blue moon), but they are products of past hyperfixations (which i may or may not return to on occasion).

i do a lot of writing (give it up for escapism as a coping method 🤪), particularly on my ao3 (+pwp account), of which i'll post updates on my writing blog as well.

fanfic-wise, there is always a lot of variation, so your best bet at prediction (especially considering my chronic exhaustion as a deterrent) is the fandoms list on ao3 or the stuff i've been posting on this blog. original work-wise, i tend to write comedic satire. i currently have one published work, but it is in my university's anthology, and i will not just dox myself so easily lol. once my exhaustion clears up and i start to submit to magazines/contests again, maybe i'll start sharing that too.

i am also an academic (ewwww). i am planning on going to med school and doing research (and have been considering writing papers in the near future too), but am also a huge nerd in both musicology and english related stuff, ESPECIALLY media analysis. (i don't tend to post a lot of media analysis, but i might pop off in tags if my meds freshly kick in)

autism fixation is definitely music (as in, way too much music history—eg. i was obsessed and even crushed over classical composers in elementary school; am always in a handful of music ensembles and own 20+ instruments atm; musicology in the sense of theory and how different songs/genres function and how we as people interpret them; music in cultural anthropology ie how it has affected history in a broader sense and the societal impacts of things such as the western teaching of music (bad), how music has been used as a voice or for protest and to convey different messages, the effect of music in film, my beef against terms like "jazz" or "folk" because (for jazz) like 95% of music can fall under the definition).

ANYWAYS. you can look at my playlists (shoutout to bad taste in music (real, not fake) ), but since a lot of them are messy/outdated and i mostly rely on albums/already-made playlists, feel free to follow my spotify for the sole reason that you can see what i'm listening to (or whether i'm actually having a good taste for once or i'm going insane listening to heinz baked beans the who or megalovania on repeat for 7 hours again)

#sorry if yall see this on your dash #maybe i'll actually format this properly at some point when i care enough

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sugarcain-sims · 2 years

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tagged by @targentis / @king-tower (his sims blog 🤪) who is a DELIGHT in EVERY interaction i have with him

Rules: Tag 9 people you would like to get to know/catch up with

Last Song: my wife made me listen to a fever you can't sweat out this morning but i think the last song i actively chose to listen to was Leave Me Alone by idkhow

Last TV Show: ……… i don't remember… it's been a while…

Currently watching/listening to: working my way through the first arc of NADDPod 😤😤

Currently reading: Kill Creek by Scott Thomas… delving back into horror after i grew disillusioned w stephen king. it is ok so far. cishet men writing horror is always kinda off for me but thats another soapbox

Current obsession hyperfixation: uhhh my family jewels legacy save and wildermyth. rly a toss up on which one i play whenever i retreat to my gamer grotto lmao

i cant tag clovers back but we MUST talk more... so i will tag @samssims @someone-elsa @creamlattedream and @ratboysims even tho i know they're all hella busy 😔👉👈

#im not tagging w the intention of hey you do it so do not feel as if you must in any way #simply tagging bc i would like to get to interact more and know yall better 💗#caintalks #ask meme #kinda

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hongism · 2 years

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i just want you to know. that mists of celeste has been rotting my brain so hard i physically cannot stop thinking abt it like. the way you got my adhd ass hyperfixating on a Fanfic 😭😭😭 my poor bestie had to endure me rambling about it for a week straight as i read it. n now that im up to date part of me wants to go back and reread it now that i'll be able to pick up all the foreshadowing and details i mightve missed the first time in full. honestly still reeling from realising woosang knew mc as kids and still remember it and wooyo was the one who left the blood trail specifically for san to find like my mind is BLOWN. im usually pretty good at predicting plot twists but i never could've possibly saw that one coming till you started hand feeding us the hints. my god you are a mad genius.

anyway i have some questions!!! if you don't mind indulging me. im curious as to what technology is like in the moc universe like usually given the expanse of space travel across multiple galaxies and classes with different powers n such, you'd think they'd have some sort of phone/computer/internet system right?? i mean obviously we got the comms but it seems like that's just for calls and whatever can fit on the tiny screen of a wristband. this part really jumped out at me when mc was talking abt doing dishes but also when she was asking nightingale (or was it hongjoong?) to be able to at least communicate w soojin in the whorehouse somehow. like maybe they're just not allowed personal tech in the whorehouse that'd make sense but like mc also talks abt how there's nothing to do on the ship but spar n chat n play cards n read and im just here like... yall don't got video games?? HDJSHKF like surely if you can have the fastest spaceship in the galaxy yall can have a vr headset or something like. where is the enrichment in this enclosure. this is obviously not like a criticism im just curious and wondering if there's more to it or if it was just kinda like. tryna keep the feel of a good ol pirate au, but space.

my other question was what this universe thinks abt queerness. like is it just a normal thing that no one bats an eye at in comparison to het relationships or does homophobia exist somewhere. if it does, is it different from planet to planet or galaxy to galaxy or is there a general overarching theme like how in our society being cishet is still the "norm" even tho diff countries have varying degrees of acceptance. cause there's been some clear sexism at the start towards mc being a woman, so that implies that bigoted prejudice does exist, but to what extent?

if you can't tell im just. a really big fan of worldbuilding 🤪 feel free to ramble extensively i will read it all 👁👄👁 or don't if u can't be assed that's fine too LOL

YOU’RE TOO KIND PLS!!! im sorry for rotting your brain 😩 i understand the hyperfixation troubles far too well i put my bestie through the ringer when i get my grubby lil gremlin hands on fic ! honestly my fave bits are seeing people go back and be hit with that ‘oh!’ realization of all the pieces falling into place and making sense it’s so so rewarding as a writer and im so glad to see it every time 🤧 and im THRILLED that i was able to catch you by surprise with the plot twists <3

ofc i don’t mind indulging you, i always always ADORE answering questions and talking about the worldbuilding bc worldbuilding is my most favorite part about creating fics!!!

it’s hard to really describe the technology in moc well bc on one hand we have this futuristic reality and universe but there are lots of modern technologies that we have irl that moc doesn’t contain like cellphones. however, things are different from planet to planet. certain planets are more advanced in terms of technology, i think i’ve touched on it a bit but aurum is the most advanced system, and kebos is sorta this futuristic version of ancient rome so it doesn’t have the same kind of technology that eros and aera have. as far as the planets that the crew has visited, there have been only a few that they have really explored in depth so to speak. like where we’re at currently in the story, on garrifax, they’re in a very rural countryside almost so there’s not a ton of technology there. given that there are many planets and systems spread across this universe, some parts are obviously going to be more technologically advanced than others.

there aren’t really ‘cellphones’ or smartphones like we would have but the wristbands go in place of that. what a lot of the scenery and environment is meant to emulate is a sort of call back to past history and things of the past, or a clinging to this old tradition even if it’s not the more forward-thinking type of technology. in that sense, i would say that moc’s universe is certainly not the typical cyberpunk feeling bc in cyberpunk there tends to be this huge emphasis on tech and that’s the driving force behind a lot of the universes in cyberpunk spaces. moc is set in a futuristic space universe but i wanted to play with this idea of a futuristic space au that isn’t supposed focused on these incredible technologies, and rather focus on the people in it and how they make the universe what it is. rather than having this super advanced internet-spaceship system, they have a comms system. but also they’re pirates, criminals, fugitives of the law - if they get too advanced with an internet system, they could be tracked just like criminals in the real world. the idea that ‘big brother is always watching’ is very much present in the universe of moc, and so that’s sort of a subconscious awareness type of thing rather than something i feel i need to go into lots of detail about.

for me personally when i think about the story and when i’m constructing the story, the idea of there being things like video games or vr headsets doesn’t feel like it necessarily fits with the idea and tone of the setting that’s already been constructed, and that was never something i thought i wanted to include from the very beginning of the idea. and that was a conscious decision just because from the start, i’ve wanted the story to be set in this fantastical universe of course but the plot and the characters are meant to be the focal point, and i didn’t feel a need to add all this fictional advanced technology into the mix on top of that. for things like dishwashers, yes those exist in the universe, but that was more of a personal experience thing - there are times where i was dishes by hand bc they can’t go in the washer or bc i feel like washing by hand so i wouldn’t put too much thought into those sorts of utilities!

as for queerness, i would say that aspect is a lot like the world we live in. in some places, it’s far more tolerated but in others it’s severely judged and looked down upon. in the scope of the main characters we have in our crew - i want the crew to feel like a safe space for not only the main character and the other crew members but also to the reader. they are a safe place and they offer understanding and warmth and comfort that’s completely separate from the parts of the universe that aren’t that accepting or understanding. it’s been addressed in the plot before with yeosang and wooyoung in particular, that they could never have been together even if wooyoung weren’t a slave because of gender and because of yeosang’s position as a prince. in the monarchies, there is very much that traditional old-school ancient mindset of a Cishet Male King and Cishet Female Queen. varying degrees of acceptance is the best way to put it, as with sexism, but again, i would say that the sexism is more heavily emphasized on the planets where we see clear regimens and almost archaic governments so to speak.

i will say that we will see a lot more characters come into play, and we will see journeys with the characters we already know, and as it’s a story that’s very character based, those are aspects i love to focus on and so we’ll be getting into more of that and seeing things unfold and manifest over the course of the story as we’ve barely scratched the surface regarding the entirety of the universe and what it holds!

i hope this all makes sense and is more than just my ramblings bc my god did i ramble!

#mists of celeste #moc: spoilers

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