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preciseprose · 3 years

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From Nightmares to Dreams (Part 1/3)

Fandom: The Owl House

Chapter synopsis: Luz has a horrible morning which Amity helps remedy.

Author’s note: This fic is the first long-form work of fiction I have written in five years and would not have been possible without the encouragement and support of @sterling-jay. This fic was inspired, however, by @notbirdofprey who asked me: “How do you think Luz and Amity will get together?” Please be aware that my answer to this question involves a lot of angst on both Luz’s and Amity’s part; and, as a result, this fic is relatively angsty. I hope you enjoy it.

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Luz jolted awake, feeling dizzy and uncomfortably warm. She threw her blanket off her and sat up to rub her face. It was slick with some sort of wetness. “Oh,” she groaned. She must have been crying in her sleep. Again.

Suddenly aware of herself, she looked down at her feet. King wasn’t there and her door was closed. He must had left at some point during the night. She laid back down. “At least he didn’t see me this time,” she said quietly.

She prodded around her cot for her phone, finding it after a few moments. She sniffled and wiped her eyes again before powering the phone up. The right-top corner of her lock screen stated the obvious: “No Service.” After hesitating for a few seconds, she opened her messages.

She spent a few minutes reading through old conversations with her mom. It didn’t make her feel better. If anything, it made her feel guilty. Her mother’s messages were caring and warm. She asked if she was having a good evening, if she liked that day’s camp activities, if she was enjoying the food, if she was looking forwards to tomorrow, and so on. In contrast, Luz’s replies were generally short and impersonal. A lot of yeahs, yeps, and nopes. An occasional emoji. Few genuine responses.

She put her phone down and looked up to the ceiling. Even with the moonlight streaming in from her window, it was hard to make the beams out. After a few minutes of holding back, she let herself cry.

“I’m sorry, Mami. I’m sorry I can’t tell you that I’m okay. I’m sorry I can’t tell you that I’m safe. That I’m not missing. That I didn’t run away.” Her tears grew heavier. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I’m making you worry. I’m sorry for being a bad daughter. You’ve always tried to be a good mom and you don’t deserve this.”

Luz cried until her eyes burned. When she destroyed the teleporter door, she had thought Eda might be able to send her home using magic or by taking her to some special place on the isles. But several weeks ago, Eda had sat down with her on the roof of the Owl House and explained the gravity of her situation: that the door was the only way she knew of to travel between the human realm and the demon realm, and that without the ability to cast spells she wasn’t sure if she would be able to send her home.

She had only barely stopped herself from breaking down. It helped that Eda had taken her hands and, looking directly into her eyes, promised that she would do everything in her power to try to return her home someday. And she had kept that promise so far, spending several hours every other day pouring over books with Lilith.

She wished Eda’s promise was enough to keep her fears under control, but it just wasn't. She kept a decent face up when around Eda and her friends. But when she was by herself, she couldn’t keep the act up. The idea that she might never see her mother again was overwhelming and terrifying. But even worse was the possibility that her mother might think that she disappeared on purpose.

Eventually, her eyes ran dry. Dawn broke soon after.

“I guess I should get up,” she thought. After a few minutes of sniffling and wiping her eyes, she rose from her cot, activated a few light glyphs, and dressed herself. Once done, a realization hit her: “My eyes! Crying makes your eyes puffy, right?”

The closest mirror was in the bathroom down the hall, but she couldn’t risk running into Lilith or King. If she ran into either of them, they would ask questions, and Eda would find out and start worrying about her again, and she didn’t want that. “What do I do? What do I do?” Luz repeated to herself.

She activated another light glyph to help her think. The light reflected off a small object lying nestled in the blanket on her cot. Her phone. “My phone!” she exclaimed in a hushed voice. She walked over to her cot, snatched her phone, and unlocked it with a swipe.

“Okay, how bad could it be?” She opened the front-facing camera. Her stomach clenched.

Her eyes were bloodshot, and it looked like someone had filed the skin under her eyes with abomination goo. “No, no, no, no, no. This is bad, this is so bad.” She pulled and pushed at the fleshy mounds trying to get them to recede. Her attempts did nothing.

The morning sun was already starting to brighten. She needed to act fast. She would need to leave for Hexside within the hour and there was no way she could avoid everyone on her way out. “What do I do? What do I do!”

Luz had no idea how to do anything involving her face. She had never been very interested in make-up and even she had been she didn’t think she could just slap some concealer on her face (not that she had any) and call it a day. She needed help, fast.

“Okay, okay.” She looked to the phone in her hand. “No that’s not going to help, I don’t have service here.” She tossed the phone on her cot and started pacing around the room. Muffled sounds began to emanate through her bedroom walls. The other residents of the Owl House were out of their rooms.

“Oh, I know!” Luz ran over to her school bag and dredged out the small scroll Eda had given her for her birthday. “Penstagram!” She tapped on the scroll and it bounced out of her hand and into the air, unfurled and glowing faintly purple. She grabbed it, thinking about her next move.

“I can’t ask Gus or Willow for help,” Luz thought, grimacing. They were already worried about her enough. Just yesterday, Willow had pressed her about why she had been especially quiet lately. It took their entire walk home to convince her that she was just stressed about homework and helping Eda learn glyph magic.

She didn’t think she could ask Viney or Skara for help either. She had gotten to know each girl better through classes at Hexside, but she didn’t really know either of them that well. And this was a bit too personal to spring on either of them.

That left Amity.

Luz blinked and took a long breath. She had been spending more and more time with Amity lately. On one of her better days last week, she had convinced Eda to let her, Amity, Gus, and Willow to have a “Azura Movie Night Sleepover Extravaganza!” at the Owl House after Eda found a DVD player in a trash worm. She and Amity had ended up cuddling on the couch under a blanket. And it felt so nice.

Amity was warm, and soft, and her hair smelt like wildflowers and sea salt, and Luz had been terrified that her heart was going to jab through her chest and explode on Amity’s back. But eventually, somehow, she managed to fall asleep with her in her arms. But when she woke up, Amity had already dressed in her day clothes and was eating breakfast with Eda. Every time she had tried to talk to her since then Amity had kept the conversation short or turned her head away and said she had something she needed to do or gave some other reason to leave quickly. Luz didn’t know what to think of it.

But that was then, and this was now. Luz had no one else to turn too, and out of all her friends she figured Amity would be the most likely to know how to deal with her situation. She pulled up Amity’s profile and sent a DM.

@glyphwitch (07:03:51): Amity I need your help!!! IT’S URGENT!!!!

@witchchick128 (07:04:27): Luz, what is it? Are you okay?

@glyphwitch (07:05:11): I don’t have time to explain but I need to get rid of these HUGE bags I have under my eyes (don’t ask please) and I have no idea how to deal with them but I need eda to not find out about them and I don’t know what to do and I thought you might and I just don’t want to worry eda about me so please help me

Luz snaped a picture of her face to Amity and dropped herself onto her cot. One minute passed. Luz heard Eda and Lilith having some sort of argument in the kitchen. They were constantly arguing about one thing or another these days. Another minute passed. The argument was now a three-way shouting match between Eda, Lilith, and Hooty. Based solely on volume, Hooty was winning.

Suddenly, the scroll vibrated against her leg. She snatched it up and tapped it. Again, it sprang to life.

@witchchick128 (07:08:34): I’m so sorry, Luz. Mother pulled me away for a tuft of my hair...

@witchchick128 (07:09:13): So, are they like that because of a magical or non-magical cause?

@witchchick128 (07:09:32): You eyes, I mean. Sorry, I wasn’t clear.

@witchchick128 (07:09:43): Your*

Luz laughed despite her situation.

@glyphwitch (07:10:12): non-magical

@glyphwitch (07:10:39): I was, uhhh. crying. a lot… but I’m okay now! really

@witchchick128 (07:11:16): Okay. Do you have any abrasion ointment from the Healing Coven?

@glyphwitch (07:11:42): no. I can’t leave my room or the others might see me

@witchchick128 (07:12:15): Alright. Let me think.

@witchchick128 (07:12:58): You haven’t discovered any glyphs that cast any illusion spells yet, right?

@glyphwitch (07:13:09): no, not yet

@witchchick128 (07:13:41): Okay, so you can’t conceal your eyes with magic. But I’ve seen you summon columns of ice before. Can you use your glyphs to make a bunch of small ice cubes?

@glyphwitch (07:13:53): yeah, I think so

@witchchick128 (07:14:38): Okay, do that. Then get two of your shirts and use them to make two cold compresses. Hold them under your eyes for five minutes. It should make the swelling disappear. If anyone asks you why your eyes are red, just tell them you were up late reading and only got a few hours of sleep.

@glyphwitch (07:14:56): oh my god, thank you Amity!!!

@glyphwitch (07:15:09): you're the best!

Luz shoved the scroll in her bag, then pulled out a pencil and piece of paper and got to work. After a few-second’s thought, she drew a moderately-sized plant glyph surrounded by three inter-connected tiny ice glyphs. She activated the ice glyphs first, creating three tall but slender pillars of ice. Then, concentrating her intent into her hand, she activated the plant glyph. A thick vine with several stems emerged from the paper and wrapped its tendrils around each ice pillar, crushing them into small pieces.

“Yes, it worked!” she said joyfully, impressed with herself. “What next? Oh right, the shirts.” She dashed over to her dirty clothes pile, grabbed the two least objectionable shirts visible, then dashed back over to her cot. Working quickly, she made two compresses using the ice littering the floor, lied back on her cot, and pressed the compresses onto her eyes.

A minute passed without interruption. Then Luz heard her door handle jiggle, followed by a quiet thud. She heard it a second time, and then a third. The fourth time she understood. King was trying to open the door. Before she could call out, she heard a solid impact with the door, followed by a metallic click and a final small thud.

The door began to open. “Luz, get up! It’s almost time for…”

Acting on pure instinct she streaked out of bed and flew against the door, slamming it shut and screaming, “King, don’t come in! I’m naked!” As she spoke, she heard something hard impact the wall across the hall.

“Ow! Jeez, I get it! Gross! How was I supposed to know!?” King shouted through the door. “I get that you wanted to protect me from a potentially scarring experience, but did you have to slam the door so hard? I can feel my brain spinning around inside of my skull! All I wanted to tell you was that breakfast is almost ready! Sheesh!”

“Sorry, King! I’m uh, just. Really self-conscious! I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She paused and looked behind her. In her panic, she had strewn ice everywhere. She rolled her eyes, sighed, and looked back to the door. “I woke up a little late, okay? I still need to get ready. I’ll be down in like ten minutes.”

“Ten whole minutes! Really!?”

“Yes, really! And if you keep talking to me it’s going to take me even longer!”

“Ugh, fine. Whatever, just hurry up, will you? I’m starving and Lilith cooked today so breakfast actually looks good for once!”

She heard his little footsteps trod away. When she was certain he was gone she locked the door and got to work reassembling the cold compresses.

#the owl house #toh #luz noceda #amity blight #lumity #toh king #my fic #from nightmares to dreams #long post

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thebrotherssalvatore321 · 3 years

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Keeping Secrets Ch. 24

Keeping Secrets Masterlist

Dear Diary,

I thought when I got all of my memories back that I would feel different, that I would be different, like who I was in my first life and who I am in this life would somehow mesh together and create this new person. But I feel…like me, just with more knowledge. It’s weird, I thought my taste in things would change, but I like everything around me as much as I always did. I still love my friends and I still love Damon even though I’m mad at him. The one thing that has changed though, is that now I know that everything I’ve been feeling for Elijah is completely founded and rooted in truth, not magic. The spark that his touch always sent thought me wasn’t Fiona’s spell, it was what I felt before I had her cast it. Her spell just made it so that we would always be able to feel and find each other. Knowing that what I feel for Elijah is real… scares the shit out of me. I hated Damon for loving me and Katherine at the same time. Now I’m no better. It feels like my heart is a hunk of metal stuck between two high powered magnets labeled Elijah and Damon. It’s ripping me apart. I know Elijah is dead and I could just manipulate my way into the boarding house and pull that dagger from his chest, but a part of me wonders if Elijah and I would even make it in this day and age. Back then I was just a lonely housewife with a son to raise. Now I’m a vampire caught in the middle of this business with Klaus trying to kill Elena to unlock his werewolf side. I don’t know how strong my relationship with Elijah would be, but I know how strong mine and Damon’s could be if he would just stop lying to me...and if I could let go of Elijah.”

She had put down her pen and was closing the book when she heard a knock on the door. So she threw on a robe over the comfortable clothes she had put on when she got home from school and headed down stairs. When she pulled the door open the faces of her three friends came into view. Caroline held a small pink igloo cooler with a handle out to her. “I raided Damon’s stash for you.”

“You’re awesome.” Katie laughed and took the cooler from her.

“Get dressed.” Elena told her with a wrinkled nose look at the old robe she was wearing.

“We’re having a girls night at Elena’s.” Bonnie added as Katie stepped aside and let the girls inside.

“We thought about having it here, no adult supervision and all, but we assumed you wouldn’t have any real food in the house.” Elena told her as she went into the kitchen that could be seen from the living room and opened the pantry revealing a bunch of empty shelves and a few canned goods. “Just as we thought. Plus we want to catch Aunt Jenna and real her in for some cheering up.”

Katie scratched the back of her head and frowned. “No.” Caroline told her with her finger pointed at Katie. “Don’t try to back out of this. You have been mopey all week because of Damon and Elijah and we are not going to sit back and watch you spiral.”

Katie deadpanned at her. “I’m not spiraling.”

“Really?” Bonnie asked. “It’s three in the afternoon and you’re wearing pajamas.”

“Go… get dressed.” Caroline barked and pointed to the stairs. Katie rolled her eyes but obeyed. “And put on some make up!” she shook her head.

“Remind me why I let you boss me around all the time?” Katie asked from upstairs.

“Because if I didn’t you would be a hopeless mess.” Caroline answered then Katie heard Elena ask who she was talking to.

“Thanks for the pep talk.” Katie mumbled clearly not thankful.

“Hey, you asked, I answered.” Caroline replied, making Katie laugh.

TVDTVDTVD

“So are you ever going to talk about it?” Caroline asked Katie as they stood in Elena’s kitchen pouring chips into bowls.

“About what?” Katie asked playing stupid.

“The fact that you’re in love with two guys, one of which is a very old original vampire.” Caroline said with a smirk, not looking at Katie.

“I have talked about it and I’m over it.” Katie answered as she wadded up the chip bag and put it in the trash can.

“You’re over it?” Caroline asked with a confused shake of her head. “You don’t just get over something like that Katie.”

“Can we please just…not talk about Elijah? He’s dead, for all intents and purposes, and that chapter of my life is over.” Katie answered, getting aggravated with her friend.

“So what about Damon, are you still mad at him?” Caroline asked, still prying.

Katie let out a stressed sigh and placed her hands on the counter top. “Because I know you won’t stop prying until you get some kind of answer I will tell you that I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him since that disaster of a dinner party.”

“Don’t you think you owe it to him to hear him out?” Caroline asked, making Katie frown because she was right. Thankfully Elena and Bonnie walked into the kitchen saving Katie from the conversation. “So, Chinese food or pizza?” Caroline asked.

“Like you have to ask.” Elena answered as she grabbed one of the bowls of chips.

“I will look it up.” Caroline said as she grabbed her tablet and started to search for the nearest pizza place, but she stopped when she saw the picture of her and Matt from founder’s day that was her background picture.

“I’ll do it.” Bonnie stepped in and gingerly took the tablet from Caroline.

“Do you believe that Jonas is being sincere?” Elena asked Bonnie as she set some cups out on the counter.

“I don’t know what to believe. I think he’s at a loss…not sure who to trust.” Bonnie answered.

“Join the club.” Elena sighed and Katie nodded.

“Well what are we going to do about this movie situation?” Caroline asked to change the subject. “What about the notebook?”

“Caroline, how many times have you seen that movie?” Elena asked, making the other girls laugh.

“That is so not the point.” Caroline argued.

“Well, yeah I mean…” Elena trailed off when Aunt Jenna walked into the room. “Hey…” she drew out the word awkwardly.

“What’s going on?” Jenna asked as she set down the coat that she’d had over her arm.

“Girls night.” Elena answered as she sat down in one of the bar stools.

“More like a pity party. We’ve all pretty much had a crap week.” Katie elaborated.

“You’ve all heard about my fight with Rick.” Jenna observed.

“He feels terrible.” Elena told her.

“Is this some sort of disguised attempt to cheer me up?” Jenna asked.

“No,” Elena answered, “this is about us girls hanging out and you know…we’ll be here if you happen to want to talk or…”

“Because I am a winner at successful relationships.” Caroline chipped in. Jenna and Caroline started talking about whether or not Alaric should tell Jenna about his past with Isobel. When things fell awkwardly quiet between them Caroline broke it. “You know what we need?” they all just looked at her. “Dancing. There is a band at the grill.” She looked at her friends for their thoughts.

They all said they were in then looked at Katie. “When was the last time you let loose and had real fun?” Bonnie asked.

“Fine. I’m in.” Katie answered with a roll of her eyes.

TVDTVDTVD

Katie was sitting at a table that her friends stood around, talking to Caroline about her situation with Matt, when Caroline took off her jacket and headed up on stage where the band had finished up a song. “Caroline can sing?” Katie asked Bonnie and Elena when Caroline said that she was going to sing. Bonnie and Elena watched as Caroline compelled the band to let her sing. “Whoa, she’s really good.” As Katie watched Caroline laying it all out on the table for Matt all she could think about was Damon and Elijah. Feeling on the verge of a panic attack Katie whooshed outside unseen by anyone

She had been bottling it up, not really letting anyone know how screwed up she felt inside. While she had been angry at Damon for his lies and secrets and angry at Elijah for doing this to her she hadn’t let herself feel the grief of losing Elijah or feel the hurt of Damon’s actions. It all came out a wave of tears as she pressed her back against the side of the building in the alley way. She was so wrapped up in her grief that it took a minute for the screams coming from the building to register. She was on her way to the back entrance since people were pouring out of the front one when she heard Elena calling her name. Not knowing what was going on she sped over to where she heard Elena to see that she was with Damon. “What’s going on?”

“I’ll explain later.” Damon told her and she just looked back and forth between him and Elena.

“Jonas is in there and he’s after me.” Elena told her so Katie nodded.

“What can I do to help?” Katie asked Damon with wide eyes.

“Jonas doesn’t know Elena’s out here with me. Katherine’s in there pretending to be her. You need to get in there and make sure he stays off our trail.” He told her in a rush.

“Will do.” Katie nodded then ran into the building to find sparks flying off of the busted stage lights and the bar was on fire.

“Matt no!” Caroline’s scream caught Katie’s attention and she whooshed over to see that Jonas had stabbed him in the neck with a broken bottle. She didn’t bother stopping Jonas when he ran out of the bar. Instead she went to Matt’s side across from Caroline. “Caroline, look at me.” Caroline looked up from her hand that was pressed to Matt’s neck showing the veins that were popping under her reddening eyes that mirrored her own. “Breathe. Can you do it or do I need to?”

“I can do it.” she nodded so Katie jerked her head down to Matt. Caroline made a pained sound as she bit her wrist then pressed it to Matt’s lips. “I’ve got him.”

“Are you sure?” Katie asked with wide eyes and Caroline nodded as the veins disappeared. “I’m going to go make sure the building’s clear.”

“No, the fire’s getting too big. We both need to leave now.” Caroline stopped her as she picked Matt up from the ground.

“Fine, then let’s get out of here.” Katie said with a wave to the door

TVDTVDTVD

After Elena and Katherine were switched back and things calmed down, Elena texted Katie letting her know that Jonas was dead leaving Bonnie without her powers. Katie had gone home, but after thinking about it for a few minutes she decided she could no longer suffer in silence.

So with a deep breath she threw her cell phone into her shoulder bag and headed to the boarding house. She didn’t bother knocking and let herself in to find Damon’s bedroom door open. Katherine, wearing a black negligee and an open black robe was laying on the bed with Damon. Katie watched as Katherine crawled up Damon like a seductress out of a romance novel. Damon grabbed her face as she was attempting to kiss him and a jealous green bubble grew in the pit of Katie’s stomach. “Katherine, there are six other bedrooms in this house. Go find one.” he shoved her face, throwing her off of him.

Damon was about to return to the book he was reading, but his eyes found Katie as she walked into the room glaring at Katherine. “Get out.”

“I turn you, and save your friend and that’s the thanks I get?” Katherine asked as she slid off the bed with a cocky look on her face then crossed her arms.

Katie hadn’t seen Katherine since she killed her and the anger that welled up in her was almost overwhelming. But she decided to be the bigger woman and walked over to her with murderous eyes. “Okay.” Katie put on a fake smile as she said, “Thank you for playing a game of switch-a-roo with Elena tonight.” She let her smile fall and went back to glaring at her. “But no matter how many good deeds you do you will always be the manipulative, skeezy bitch who took my human life and killed my unborn child.” Katherine cocked her head to the side as she glared back at Katie as if she were about to rip her head off. “Now get…out.”

“You’re lucky I like you.” Katherine told her as she pointed at her then dropped her hand as she walked out of the room.

“I like jealous Katie.” Damon told her as he set the book to the side and sat up.

“Do you have any idea how hard it was to not break her freaking neck?” she asked, making a twisting flick motion with her hands as she walked over then flopped down on her back across the foot of his bed.

“I’d pay to see that.” He commented making Katie smirk over at him, but she remembered that she was still mad at him and turned her eyes to the ceiling. “You still mad at me?” he asked, his face turning serious.

“I don’t know. You kept your plan to kill Elijah a secret from me, flat out lied to me, and in doing so caused Elijah to do exactly what he warned you he would do if you crossed him. Now the first, first love is laying in your basement with a dagger in his chest and my second first love hurt me so bad that it took my friend being in danger to even be able to look at him.” she looked over at him to see him frowning with wide eyes. “What do you think?”

His eyes turned apologetic. “I’m sorry.” Katie pursed her lips and pulled them to the side. “I knew if I told you about the dagger you’d try to stop me from using it.”

“But you didn’t know that.” Katie sat up and leaned back against the sturdy footboard. “You once again just… assumed that I would react a certain way and you once again assumed wrong.”

“So you wouldn’t have tried to stop me from killing Elijah?” he asked doubtfully as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Before that failure of a dinner party?” she asked as she bent her knee up and rested her am on it. “No.”

“And now that you have Hannah’s memories?” he asked.

She dropped her eyes to the plush comforter and started picking at her cuticles, something she noticed she never did as Hannah. “Now I want to go down to that basement, pull the dagger out of him and kiss him.” she looked up at him, fighting her emotions that were so much more powerful now than they were when she was human. She bit her lip and shrugged not knowing what else to say.

“So what’s stopping you?” he asked with a frown and a glance at the door.

“You.” she answered and her voice didn’t waver, but Damon saw tears pooling in her eyes. “I heard Elijah when he told you that I’d forget all about you if he gave me my memories back. Obviously that’s not true…” She looked back down at her hands and started picking at a loose string in the stitching of the comforter, “Because I’m here.”

“But?” he asked and she looked up at him to see that he looked worried about what was about to come out of her mouth.

“But you and I…” she bit her lips closed and shook her head as she shrugged, “We seem to be in this cycle of I trust you…you break it, I forgive you and for about two seconds we’re happy then something happens and you break my trust again. I realize that’s over simplifying it and leaving out the elephant size mistake I made with Elijah, but…we are going to have to be a team, on the same page 24/7 or kiss our relationship goodbye.”

“Fine, then let's get on the same page.” He told her as he slid from the bed and headed for the door. “I’ll go first.”

“Where are you going?” she asked, not moving from the bed.

“I need a drink.” He answered as if it was obvious. “You comin’?”

“Yep.” She hopped off the bed and followed him to the study. He poured two glasses of bourbon then handed her one. Her eyes slid shut at the taste of the amber liquid and when she opened them as she swallowed she saw Damon smirking at her. “What?”

“Have I turned you into a bourbon girl?” he asked with a look at her glass.

“Maybe.” She answered coyly with a look down at her glass then back up at him. “You said you’d go first.”

He had opened his mouth to say something when Katherine walked in and between them to the table of decanters they stood at. “Don’t let me interrupt.” She sighed as she started picking through the crystal containers. Katie gritted her teeth and looked at Damon agitatedly. He jerked his head back toward his room. Katie grabbed the decanter of bourbon out of Katherine’s hand. “Um, hello.” She complained as Katie walked around her.

“Um, goodbye.” Katie mocked her tone. As they headed back to Damon’s room Katie refilled her glass then handed the decanter to him and made herself comfortable on his bed with her back leaned against the headboard and her bare feet crossed at the ankles. “Now…shoot.”

“I didn’t just want Elijah dead because of the whole Elena sacrifice thing. I wanted him dead because you wanted him.” he told her then took a drink.

“I told you that I didn’t want him.” she argued.

“And we both know that was a load of bull.” He argued back, making her look down at her drink. “If you didn’t want him you wouldn’t have kissed him.”

“So when I called you and you said that you weren’t mad at me for kissing him and that you understood because you’d made mistakes too…what was that? Lie number one?” she asked with creased brows.

“No I was never mad at you. I was mad at him for having so much control over you with his stupid linking spell.” He told her and she looked down at the glass in her hands that rested on her outstretched legs. “John came by after you left for the sleepover and gave me the dagger and I knew what I had to do to get you out from under his spell.” He kept placing all the blame on Elijah.

“Damon…there’s something you need to know about the linking spell.” She started, staring at her drink then paused to finish it. She looked up at him as she swallowed. “Elijah isn’t the one that had Fiona do the spell…I did it. He didn’t know that we worked the spell until Klaus killed me. If he did know he never said anything to me about it.” she slipped from the bed and refilled her glass. “So, are you still not mad at me?” she asked as she walked back over to the bed but didn’t sit down.

“I don’t know.” He answered with a far off look in his eyes. She gave him a few minutes to think about it, but when he never said anything she walked over to where the decanter was sitting on his dresser and put her glass down next to it. she was reaching for the doorknob when he whooshed over, wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her into him. “I am not going to lose you because of a decision you made over a hundred years ago.” He told her with a stubborn look on his face as he stared into her green eyes. “You’re not walking out of this room until we are back in a good place and I’ve heard the words I forgive you come out of your mouth.”

“You think we can accomplish that in one night?” she asked knowing it was already really late.

“Yep.” He nodded and let her go.

“Okay.” She grabbed her glass and took a drink. “Then I’ll tell you that I’m sorry I didn’t tell you exactly how much of an effect Elijah had on me before the whole…makeout session behind a building thing.”

“You said you kissed him not made out with him.” he pointed at her with the hand that held his glass. “Which one was it?”

“Now you’re just trying to torture us.” Katie complained but Damon just rolled his eyes and gave her a look that told her to answer the question. “Fine if you want to know specifics…” she set her glass on the dresser and pressed her back against the wall and motioned him over with her finger.

He walked over with a smirk on his face that showed off one side of his smile lines. “What are you doing?”

“Answering your question.” She said with a shrug as she grabbed his shirt and pulled him into her. “In a way that’ll make it a little easier to swallow, so to speak.” Without warning she grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into her, kissing him with the same genuine hunger she had felt when kissing Elijah. After making out with him for a few seconds she jumped and his hands that were already holding her by her hips pressed her harder into the wall holding her up as she wrapped her legs around him. She tilted her head to the side giving him the subtle hint that she wanted him to kiss her neck. He took it and kissed down her jaw line to her neck. If Damon had been wearing a button up shirt she would’ve started unbuttoning it, but he was wearing a black t-shirt. So instead she grabbed it and pulled it over his head. She took her hands off of him and moved her arms out to the side, pressing her palms into the cold wall behind her. "This is when I stopped him, but you are more than welcome to keep going." She whispered as the bourbon and lust mixed together to create a fun cocktail within her bloodstream.

"You're drunk." He told her between kisses.

"I’m tipsy and I've missed you." She confessed as she slid her hands up his torso then held the sides of his neck. "Going a week without sex as a vampire is excruciating."

"We're getting off topic." He sing-songed as he slid his hand down to hold her thighs making her sigh from his touch.

"Or did we find a better one?" She countered and he growled as he stepped back and let her go. "Damon." She drug out his name with whine as she watched him walk over to the bed and flop back on it, laying across the middle of it.

"You made out with him..." he complained.

"And I'm sorry." She told him as she walked over and sat down on the bed next to him. "If it makes you feel any better I hated how out of control and not myself I felt when it was happening." She told him with a hopeful tone and a cringe of a smile. He just cut his eyes over at her. “Oh and I didn’t take his shirt off. I just undid a few buttons.” She added.

“It doesn’t.” he told her then turned his eyes to the ceiling.

“Of course it doesn’t.” she sighed and fell back with her head at the head of the bad and her legs draped over his hips.

“We can’t trust each other.” He said still looking up at the ceiling with a frown on his face.

“No we can’t,” she replied looking up at the ceiling as she crossed her arms over her chest. “but I want to.” Neither of them said anything and thanks to the fact that she had abandoned her bourbon glass she was starting to sober up and she figured he was too. She thought about why Damon killed Elijah and kept the dagger a secret from her. It was selfish of him, killing Elijah so he could keep her for himself, but she was also being selfish for wanting Elijah to stay daggered so that she could be with Damon without the linking spell constantly putting stress on their relationship. “I forgive you.”

Damon looked over at her with furrowed brows. “What?”

“I forgive you.” she repeated herself.

“Are you just saying that so you can leave?” he asked and she shook her head.

“No.” she told him with a small shake of her head. “And I hope you will one day forgive me for what I’m about to say.” Damon sat up and looked at her with wide worried eyes. “This link…will always be there. Even if we get back together…somebody is bound to pull that dagger out and when they do the switch will get flipped and once again old feelings will resurface and we’ll just end up right back where we are right now.”

“So you’re just gonna give up on us?” he asked with a frown.

“No…I’m saving you from a lifetime of misery…from always wondering if I’m going to be drawn back to him.” she argued then slid from the bed and headed for the door.

He whooshed in front of her. “Not happening.”

“Damon.” She sighed and dropped her eyes to the floor.

“We’re stronger than any magic link will ever be and I refuse to let you walk out that door.” He did his eye thing with a flick of his brows as he said the word refuse.

“So what?” she asked with a shrug of her shoulders. “We just forgive each other, get back together and pretend that we trust each other?”

“No. We get back together and learn to trust each other.” he told her with eyes that bore into hers. “Because I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose this.” He grabbed the back of her head and pressed his lips to hers, catching her bottom lip between his.

She knew it would be pointless to try to walk away from Damon. No matter how dysfunctional they were, they kept ending up together. So she jumped and wrapped her legs around him. He held her face in his hands, kissing her as he carried her over to his bed and laid her down.

TVDTVDTVD

“So did I miss anything in my week of moping?” Katie asked from where she laid under the comforter with her head on Damon’s shoulder.

“We figured out how Elijah and his witch buddies were planning on killing Klaus.” He answered and Katie rolled onto her stomach and propped her head up with her elbows and hands to look at him. “He was looking for where a bunch of witches were burned. If he found it he was going to have Jonas absorb all the power they left behind and take Klaus down while he was weak.”

“Do we know where they were burned?” she asked curiously.

He nodded his head yes, but sighed and said, “nope.” He grabbed his phone out of his pants on the floor and typed a message. “I found in a Gilbert journal that Emily was burned where those witches were burned. I know where Emily was burned.”

“Well that sucks.” Katie sighed and rolled back over, playing along because Katherine was probably listening in.

“Yep.”

#damon salvatore #damon salvatore fanfiction #damon salvatore x oc #tyler lockwood #tyler lockwood fanfiction #tyler lockwood x oc #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson fanfiction #an elinity fic sneak peek #Klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson fanfiction #klaus mikaelson x oc #the vampire diaries #the vampire diaries fanfiction #tvd fanfiction #the originals #the originals fanfiction

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whitesparrows97 · 4 years

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Crossroads – Part 2

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of dark thoughts, cheating and therapy sessions

Word Count: 4.8K

Previous / Next

Y/N hadn’t lied, Jungkook was relieved to find out when he looked out the window on Monday morning and saw you sitting behind your desk as usual. He tried to draw attention to himself a few times, but it seemed like you were stressed. He didn’t even see you get up from your seat to take a break or even go to the toilet.

God, he really sounded like a stalker who followed every step of his victim closely. All he needed was a small, black notebook in which he wrote down every detail and dated it with times.

It was just before 12 when he noticed a movement from the corner of his eye. With a frown he turned to the window and almost dropped his coffee cup. You stood at the window and waved to win his attention. When you saw that your plan had worked, you stretched out your hand with the inside of your hand to the front, all five fingers spread. Then you pointed your index finger at him and upwards.

What secret code did you want to tell him? Five? Five minutes? Maybe on the roof in five minutes?

Jungkook pointed to himself to be on the safe side and then also to the top. You nodded enthusiastically and a short time later disappeared from his field of vision. Immediately Jungkook jumped up and spilled his coffee on the important documents.

“Shit,” he cursed and tried to wipe up the worst with a napkin, which he had already laid out for his meal.

“Oh my, what happened to you?” Namjoon asked as he looked over the room divider to Jungkooks seat at his outcry.

“It’ll have to wait, I have an appointment,” Jungkook mumbled without answering Namjoon’s question and stormed out of the office.

When he got out of the elevator and sprinted up the last few steps to the top floor, his heart pounded up to his throat. He knew you wouldn’t be there yet, your way was too far for that, but he was glad he still had a few minutes to get his breath under control.

Nervously, he looked at his watch when you still hadn’t shown up ten minutes later. Had you only made a joke of him? He wouldn’t be surprised at least. He was about to turn around and go back to his office when you rushed through the door to the roof.

“I’m sorry it took so long!” you shouted to him as you walked towards him. In one hand you held a plastic bag which you cheerfully waved around in the air.

“No problem,” he replied and grinned like a Cheshire cat. You didn’t want to admit it to yourself, but your heart jumped when you saw him.

“I brought us something to eat. I’ve seen the last few weeks that you always take lunch breaks at this hour.” You got your purchase out of the bag and Jungkook wondered when you had the time to buy it all. It was like a little picnic, from fruit to small sandwiches. On closer inspection, he realized that these had to be homemade.

“Wow,” he just said speechless, but then frowned after a short thought. “And who’s spying on whom now?”

You had to laugh. “It is not what you think.”

“They always say that,” Jungkook mumbled smilingly and biting into the first sandwich. Surprised, his eyes widened. “That’s so good!” he exclaimed with a half-full mouth and you couldn’t help grinning.

“I’m glad,” you said satisfied and began to eat too.

Several minutes passed in which you just sat next to each other and happily ate lunch. Every now and then Jungkook gave a satisfied sigh when something tasted particularly good and you felt how the blush didn’t want to disappear from your face.

“Why did you want to meet me,” he broke the silence after some time when you ate up. “And why did you bother to make all of this?”

There they were again; the many questions. You waited a moment with your answer to find the right words before sighing. “I felt a little bad after last Friday.”

Jungkook looked at you confused.

“You just wanted to walk me home and I reacted a little annoyed. That wasn’t fair of me,” you explained to him and he pulled his eyebrows up in surprise.

“Don’t be sorry for that! After all, I wasn’t too nice to you in the supermarket either.”

“Do you ever tell me what this was all about?” you asked him.

You didn’t miss how his eyes were rushing around the roof terrace in search of help, looking for an answer. “I-I don’t know,” he stuttered and a slight blush stretched across his cheeks. “I just had a bad day, I guess.”

You suspiciously pulled up an eyebrow. “That sounds like a very bad excuse for me, Jeon Jungkook.”

“Why do you always call me Jeon Jungkook?” The suddenness of the question made you speechless for a moment. Either that or his big, brown eyes, which looked at you expectantly.

“Does that bother you?”

“That is not the point, I asked you a question first.”

Damn, he wouldn’t let up…

You started collecting the trash in the empty plastic bag so your hands were busy with something. “I’m just afraid if I call you by your first name we’ll go beyond this level of acquaintance and eventually get too close.”

Now it was out and there was no going back. Once the letters stumbled out from the tongue into the world and took their first steps, there was no chance of catching them again and locking them up. They were visible to the whole world.

“Would that be so bad?” He put a hand on yours that had still clasped the handles of the bag. Your gaze fell on them for a second before you lost yourself in his eyes again. Only now did you notice how close you two were.

Had he come closer?

Oh, God, he wasn’t just getting closer, he was getting closer every second. You felt his hot breath on your face and closed your eyes. You could already feel his soft lips slightly touching yours before you pulled yourself together and turned your head to the side.

You could literally hear his heart and expectations falling on the cold, wet floor of the roof terrace. Like a heartlessly crumpled sheet of paper on which a bad idea was scribbled down.

“Sorry,” you whispered, your eyes still closed. You didn’t dare to open them, not after the warm hand on yours and the breath that had lovingly caressed your face had disappeared.

“It’s okay,” Jungkook replied, but you heard in his voice that it wasn’t that at all. “I guess you don’t want to be with some weird guy who almost smashed his forehead on the desk.”

Your heart contracted painfully when you realized it wasn’t just a kiss for Jungkook. There was nothing half-hearted for him. Either completely or not at all and you had just taken that decision away from him.

“That’s not the reason, Jungkook,” you disagreed and looked at him. His gaze was fixed on his feet and he visibly pulled himself together not to look at you.

“No, I understand. Thank you for the food,” he said and quickly walked to the door leading to the stairwell.

“Fuck,” you said as the heavy metal door fell loudly into the lock behind Jungkook. You wanted to let yourself go, just be yourself. But you were sure when Jungkook knew your true self that he wanted nothing more to do with you. All the packages were too big, which you had taped neatly with duct tape and stowed away in the last corner of your being. In the last years a thick layer of dust and several cobwebs had accumulated on them.

And Jungkook would definitely need more than a simple feather duster. And after your action just now you were not sure whether he would want that at all. And you were even less sure if you wanted him to want it.

The heavy stone in your stomach pit, representing your guilty conscience, only grew bigger and heavier as you saw that Jungkook had placed one of the room dividers in front of his seat. Every time you peered across your monitor into the other building, your gaze fell on the yellowed, ugly wall.

You didn’t want to upset Jungkook like that, but to be honest you didn’t expect him to take it one step further so quickly. You thought he was a little more shy. That’s why you noticed him in the first place.

You remembered very well the moment when your eyes met for the first time. Even from a distance you could have seen how he was visibly embarrassed by his little accident and you could have sworn that a red haze had spread over his cheeks.

Again your gaze fell on the yellowed room divider, which you cursed inwardly. If you were honest with yourself, however, it was not the room divider but rather yourself you were angry at. Even if Jungkook had not stormed away directly, you would not have known what to say.

Your last relationship had been difficult, your entire current life situation was difficult. You had taken this job to get into a new, better environment. Getting to know new people wasn’t easy and you didn’t know what had gotten into you a few weeks ago. You had been so motivated to go out, experience new things and just be free.

The old and all too familiar thoughts had come back faster than you had been fond of. They were like a boomerang. No matter how far you threw them away from you, they always came back to you. And if you weren’t careful, they would hit you unprepared.

Nevertheless, one thing was clear to you: you liked Jungkook. Very much so. And that was worth fighting for.

You made your mind up about it and you wanted to do it this time. You would talk to him and after you had talked, everything would be fine between you again.

That was your mantra when you left work on time, took a look over your monitor, which blocked the view of Jungkook like the last hours. But you were lucky and looked over at the right moment. The dark-haired man was just on his way back to his seat, a coffee cup in one hand.

It gave you a little sting that he didn’t even look at you. It was as if the entire building you were in didn’t exist at all. You suppressed this thought and quickly made your way to the train station. You would make up for it, you convinced yourself again.

“Good evening,” a voice unknown to you greeted you and you looked surprised at the cash register, behind which a stranger was sitting.

“Hi,” you said meekly and tried to remember what you wanted to buy. You went straight to the wine department, where you looked at the many different brands and types in a bit of a state of perplexity. You hardly ever drank alcohol, let alone wine, and you were a little overwhelmed.

After a few minutes of thinking you grabbed the wine, of which only two bottles were left on the shelf. When so many people drank these, it meant something good, didn’t it?

The choice for the chips, the ice cream and the two frozen pizzas was fortunately easier for you and a little later you stood relieved at the checkout. Outside, a train arrived at the station and you stretched your neck to see if he got out.

You were glad that this was not the case and that you would have at least ten more minutes left. You didn’t know what you would have done if he had been in that train. With Taehyung at the cash desk you would have risked it and stopped Jungkook. You wouldn’t dare do that with the gloomy looking guy behind the counter. The way he scanned your shopping, he would either have called the police or he wouldn’t have cared at all.

You didn’t want to take that chance.

“Have you only recently started working here?” you asked while you were stowing your purchases in a bag.

The dark-haired guy looked up and seemed surprised if you really meant him. “Yes,” he replied after a short hesitation.

“Probably makes sense where Taehyung fired Michael,” you mumbled and gave the money to the cashier.

“You and Taehyung know each other?” he asked and gave you the change.

You nodded. “I go shopping here more often and he recognized me at some point. So I wouldn’t necessarily speak of knowing. We only know… about our mutual existence,” you tried to find the right words. “Are you friends with him?”

The other one shook his head slightly. “We were at the same college and were at the same parties from time to time, but otherwise…” He shrugged his shoulders. “I’m Yoongi, by the way.”

You smiled at him. “Nice to meet you, Yoongi, I’m Y/N. Then maybe we’ll see each other more often now.” You said goodbye and went to the stop equipped with your bag. It was already cold in the evening, which you noticed shivering when you sat down on the bench. You pulled your thin jacket a little tighter around your shoulders and hoped that Jungkook would be in the next train.

Five minutes later you realized that he wasn’t. Even the next train had no trace of him. Weird. You knew that he often worked overtime like you. Nevertheless, you would have guessed that he would have finished work by now.

You watched your breath coming out of your mouth in a light grey cloud into the cold evening air. After two more trains you thought about how long you would wait for him. Meanwhile you couldn’t feel your toes any longer and you had to press your jaws together so that you didn’t rattle your teeth anymore.

From the last two trains, which retracted, hardly any people had got out. You didn’t believe that you overlooked him and you certainly didn’t miss him either. You had looked carefully. Your eyes fell on the big clock, whose pointers were advancing incessantly. With every minute it seemed to laugh at you and you asked yourself what you were doing here.

Just after eight, you lifted up the bag and couldn’t suppress the sigh. A puddle of melted ice had formed on the bottom of the bag, and when you touched the pizzas you noticed that they had thawed as well. The cardboard was already soaked and arched when you lifted it slightly. Sadly you let them fall back into the bag and didn’t care if the sticky remains of the ice were spread everywhere. You had lost your appetite anyway.

You took that as a sign and stood up. You threw the bag into the nearest garbage can and stuffed it a little angrily into the small opening.

“I always go shopping to throw things away, too,” said a voice and you flinched. Somewhat frightened you turned around and almost put your hand around the pepper spray you always carried with you as you breathed a sigh of relief.

Yoongi came up to you and had a slight smile on his lips, which surprised you. “I’d rather not ask why you didn’t get fifty meters away after more than two hours, would I?”

You gave it up and left the bag stuck half in the trash can and half still out of it. “No, don’t ask,” you said and looked at the floor.

“I’ll do it anyway,” he gave back and elicited a little smile from you. “Did you wait for someone?”

You nodded. “Yes, I did.”

“Then he’s an ass if he just stood you up,” Yoongi said.

“No, he didn’t stand me up. We hadn’t actually agreed to meet,” you made it clear directly. “And if one is the ass, it’s actually me.”

“Oh?” Yoongi looked at you with his eyebrows up. “Y/N, I know we haven’t known each other long, but if you want to talk about it…”

“Yoongi, that’s super sweet, but… What’s the best way to say this without sounding completely conceited?” You looked at him thinking.

“Just say it, I don’t blame you,” Yoongi reassured you with a short hand gesture.

“I don’t want you to expect anything more than a friendship–”

To your surprise, Yoongi burst out laughing. “Oh God, no. Y/N, don’t get me wrong, you’re very attractive, even I can see that. But I’m already going steady,” he told you, “and besides, what kind of person would I be to hit on you while you’re telling me your man problems?”

You joined his laughter and right away there seemed to be some weight taken from your shoulders which kept pushing you down more and more this day. “Thank you, Yoongi. Maybe I’ll get back to that. Your girlfriend is lucky, by the way. Not everyone would be as courteous as you and offer their help to almost strangers.”

You didn’t know if you were imagining it or if the twilight was playing a trick on you, but you could swear that a light pink glow was spreading on his cheeks. “I’ll tell him,” he replied with a grin and your eyes widened a bit as you noticed your mistake.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that…” you said sheepishly.

“It’s okay, it’s not like I wrote it on my face,” he calmed you and your conscience. “Do you live far from here? Shall I call you a taxi?”

“Not necessary, I live only a few minutes walk away. Actually, just down the street back there and then in a side street.” You pointed in the right direction.

Yoongi nodded. “Then get home safe.”

“You too,” you gave back and finally made your way home.

What you didn’t know was that Yoongi got on the train five minutes later and was almost run over by a tired looking Jungkook. He almost missed his stop because he had dozed off for a moment. When he woke up briefly from his restless half sleep and noticed his mistake, he had jumped up quickly and left the train.

Yoongi was holding back a remark as he entered the train and looked at the other young man before the train had passed him.

It had been two days in which nothing new had happened at work. Jungkook still had the room divider in front of his window and you were disappointed every time. You tried to understand him, a rejection was never great. But he hadn’t even given you the chance to explain yourself. Or your feelings.

You knew that you were not showing your feelings openly. Yet Jungkook seemed to have thought at least in the slightest way that you were interested in him too, didn’t he? Otherwise he wouldn’t have dared to try this approach at all.

You sighed as your gaze fell on the clock and you packed your things together. Another uneventful day that had just passed you by. Now that Jungkook had isolated himself from you, you noticed how much he had previously sweetened your day.

Even before you talked for the first time at the supermarket checkout, you had often looked over to him and sometimes watched him work. In your head it sounded more strange than it had seemed to you at the time. It had simply been nice to watch him do his daily tasks. The fact that he looked incredibly good at the same time was of course a plus. Nevertheless, you had the feeling that he was not aware of his effect at all.

With slightly drooping shoulders you said goodbye to your work colleagues and made your way to the clinic. Normally, you would leave one hour earlier every Tuesday, but your therapist had set the appointment for Thursday at short notice. You were fine with it, or at least you didn’t care.

The clinic was in the opposite direction to your regular route and every time you arrived at the stop you thought for a moment whether you should just take the other stairway down and head home. So far you had always been able to pull yourself together and decided against it.

Until a few weeks ago everything had been halfway okay and you only had an appointment with your therapist every four weeks. But when your ex-boyfriend suddenly stood in front of your door, old emotions and thoughts came up again and she had given you a week’s sick leave.

Butterflies flew inside your belly when you remembered that Jungkook had noticed that you were not at work. However, they died quickly when you remembered that you might have scared him away forever. They now lay at the bottom of the pit of your stomach and began to rot. That would at least explain the nausea that was gradually rising inside you.

The way was unspectacular, even though you were already looking forward to being back in your own four walls. You weren’t sure if it was because it was getting dark again so early, but you’d rather not leave your apartment at all. But you knew that this could quickly become dangerous.

Not for others, just for you. It always began with the isolation, which came creeping, but constant. And one day, mostly in the evening, it came over you and devoured you whole. No wonder you had hardly any friends when you had to hide right back home because of that little darkness.

Most friends had turned away from you when the relationship between you and your ex-boyfriend broke up. Over the years you had more or less built up the same circle of friends and most of your so-called friends had taken his side.

The fact that he had cheated on you several times seemed to be of secondary importance.

You opened the glass door to the clinic and tried to put your thoughts in order. Going into a therapy talk with the ball and jumble of thoughts would make the hour rather counterproductive. But maybe it would at least help to bring some clarity back into your head.

“Good evening, Miss Y/L/N,” Mrs. Rhee greeted you. You weren’t sure whether it was a good or bad sign that she knew you by name. Still, she gave you a good feeling when she smiled at you friendly. “Mrs. Chung is ready any moment. Take a seat in the waiting room for a minute please.”

You thanked and sat down in the empty room. In contrast to other doctors, your therapist was mostly relatively empty and you were very happy about it. You didn’t want people to see you when you came out of the session covered in tears. Even if the people here would probably understand it best. Here everyone was sitting in the same boat. Or were at least on the same ship, only working at different stations. And at some point, you hoped, you would finally reach the land.

A few minutes later Mrs. Chung called you up and the hour that you most feared the whole week began. You never knew beforehand how the hour would go. Sometimes it depended on your mood, but often it didn’t. But fact was that you always felt like shit afterwards. You knew that there was no panacea that would suddenly dissolve all your problems into thin air.

Nevertheless, you had imagined this whole therapy thing to be easier. The fact that it would be hard work on yourself had been kept secret from you.

Nevertheless, it was good to unload all your thoughts and feelings on one person. Without having to worry whether you would pull the other person down with what you said and the mood being at the bottom of their socks. That was Mrs. Chung’s job.

You told her about Jungkook and how you had behaved. She listened to you attentively and took notes from time to time when you had said something interesting to her.

“What are your feelings towards him?” she asked you after you told her about your failed attempt to make it better.

You didn’t have to think long. “He’s the first person I think I can trust since Suk-won.”

“Okay,” Mrs. Chung replied as you made no effort to continue your thoughts. “Are you afraid that Jungkook might lie to you too?”

You tried to suppress the unpleasant feeling that was rising inside you and shook your head. “I think he is unlike others. He is so… different, I can’t express it any other way”. You rubbed your tired eyes, which slowly started to hurt. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think this is going to help. Jungkook made it more than clear to me that I blew my chance with him. Then why are we still talking about him at all?”

Mrs. Chung looked at you over her dark glasses for a moment before she dropped her notepad.

“Y/N.” Oh oh, if she started like that, the next part couldn’t be good. “You first came to me almost a year ago, losing all hope and trust in other people, especially men. You were so introverted and couldn’t let anyone get to you. When you came into the room last week, I immediately noticed a change in your mood. We’re talking about Jungkook because I’m sure he has something to do with it. He is the first male person you have anything good to say about. And even with a smile on your lips.”

Oh.

You let your head sink and had to pull yourself together, not to touch your lips with your fingertips. You didn’t even notice that you smiled. You felt the blush rising in your face, and your therapist’s checking gaze and self-satisfied nod didn’t necessarily make it any better.

“All right, Y/N. I want you to try to have a clarifying conversation with Jungkook by next week. I’m sure you’ll feel better after that,” Mrs. Chung concluded and closed her notebook. She stood up and shook your hand to say goodbye.

“Should I leave the door open or close it?” you asked when you were halfway out the door.

“You can leave it open, my next patient should be here any minute,” she replied.

You nodded and left her office. As you turned the corner of the narrow hallway, you accidentally ran into someone. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t–” The rest of the sentence got stuck in your throat when you looked up and looked into a face you knew well.

“Y/N?” Jungkook looked at you with a questioning expression, as if he wasn’t quite sure that you were really standing in front of him. “What are you doing here?”

“I think it’s relatively obvious what to do at a therapist,” you replied evasively.

“Wow, I mean… I didn’t think I’d meet you here,” Jungkook said, and he also seemed a little embarrassed.

You laughed softly. “The therapist is not exactly the most pleasant place to meet someone.”

Jungkook agreed. “That’s probably true.” His laughter died and he looked at you seriously. “Can we perhaps talk? About… about what happened?”

“Yes! Of course,” you said a little too euphorically and saw the little smile that played around his lips.

“Will that be too late for you tonight? I already know where you live,” Jungkook suggested and you shook your head.

“No, that suits me perfectly,” you smiled. The sooner you would have got that out of the way, the better.

“Well, I’m looking forward to that. Then see you later,” Jungkook said and went in the direction you had come from. You took a quick look at the clock and quickened your walk to the train station.

It was half past six, so you had until about eight to get your apartment in shape. Until you were at home… A good hour remained for you and you accelerated your steps further. Your apartment looked like a medium sized battlefield at the moment and you wouldn’t like to show Jungkook your underwear scattered on the living room floor. At least not on the first date.

Was that even one? A date? He just wanted to talk to you about you stopping his kiss. That wasn’t really a pleasant topic for a date. But what was that on the roof of his office building? You could have called that one. If all your dates were going out like that, you just hoped it wasn’t one.

Hello! As always, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I would love to hear your thoughts about it, so any kind of feedback is really appreciated. Because I probably won’t publish a new chapter till then, I already want to wish you a Merry Christmas and I hope you can enjoy the few days off! ♥️

#bts x reader #bts x you #bts smut #bts imagine #bts fanfic #jungkook x reader #bts #crossroads

82 notes · View notes

daybreak-academy-fanfic · 4 years

Text

Daybreak Academy: Chapter 80

Spooky Scary Reflections

Summary: In which Sabrina wreaks havoc during the Halloween party and Anora’s reflection lies to her. Word Count: 1,681 First | Previous | Next ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆

Even though she recognized everyone in the Dandelions clubroom, Anora got a sudden wave of nausea regardless. There was only, what? Two more people than if she and Ephemer were a part of Pyra's study group? She shouldn't have been this nervous. Maybe she could tell herself that it was the way the clubroom had been decorated. The lights were off, but there were multiple battery-operated candles in bunches around the room. Someone had even put a plasma ball lamp in the center of the round table for extra ambiance. Over by the writing desk was a wireless stereo, playing music that definitely fit the Halloween atmosphere.

“We can leave whenever you want.” Ephemer reminded her, giving her hand a little squeeze. Anora looked at him and offered a smile. She could do this. It's not like this was any different than before. She knew everyone. This wasn't going to be hard at all.

“Gang way!” someone shouted before barreling by Anora and Ephemer. Whoever it was ended up clipping Anora's side, and both parties went staggering backward at the impact.

“Urg; sorry, sorry, sorry.” Anora's bumper quickly apologized. They hurried back to Anora, quickly brushing her off without permission. “I heard there were goodie bags, and I wanted to see what was in them, and I didn't think to look where I was going...”

The bumper paused for a moment, suddenly aware that they were brushing off Anora, before looking up at the older student with curiosity. Their respite allowed both them and Anora to get a good look at each other. This new person didn't seem to be much older than 10 years old- her long black hair tied into a neatly braided bun, and her chocolate brown eyes staring intensely back at Anora. Her skin was so light, that it almost seemed to glow slightly in the darkness. It likely was not helped by the dark purple formal gown she was wearing.

“Sabrina!” a new voice called out. Anora and her bumper broke their glances to see Ventus come up. Wearing an elaborate armored costume, with matching helmet, the boy looked out of breath- like he had been trying to catch up with the younger girl for miles. Which was odd in and of itself; they only had the clubroom to roam around in, after all.

“Ven!” the young girl randomly shouted in return, startling both Ephemer and Anora. “You said there were goody bags!”

The Second Year let out an exhausted sigh as he shook his head. “No, I said there weren't any goody bags. I didn't have time make them.”

“Well, why not?!”

“You ate all the candy.”

Sabrina opened her mouth to retort, but froze. “Oh yeah...” she finally decided. “I remember that now.”

Watching the duo interact made Anora shrink in mild distaste. She clung to Ephemer as if the younger student planned on kidnapping her in a blink.

“But wait!” Sabrina quickly declared as she grabbed the blonde haired boy by the wrist. “I can make it up to you! let's head to my dorm real quick; we're gonna put on better music than this!”

“We are?” was all the boy managed to say before letting out a yelp in surprise as she pulled him away. Ephemer and Anora watched the duo leave in a flurry. The young man gave a small snort at their display, but his amusement was lost when he looked over at Anora.

“You alright?” he carefully asked her, nudging her a bit so she'd ease her grip a little. “I don't think she'll bite you. I mean, Ven doesn’t have any visible bruises on him.”

Suffice to say, he earned the dark glare Anora gave him. The young man let out a nervous laugh as he threw a hand behind his head.

“I see you've met Ventus's princess?” Brain mused as he came over to the couple. The Eighth Year student wasn't dressed much different than usual, spare for the long vampire cape. In one hand he had a cup of blood red punch, and using the other he tipped his fedora to them in greeting. The only reaction he got at first was an equally confused blink from Ephemer and Anora.

“Ven's… what?” Ephemer finally questioned.

Brain gave a small snort before explaining, “Sabrina's name means princess- or, at least, that's what she keeps saying. Along with occasionally referring to herself as Princess Sabi, of course.”

“You sure it's not because she's wearing a princess costume?”

“Oh no, I'm pretty sure she's always like that.” he informed them before taking a rather long sip of punch. “Possibly the last person I'd expect to be one of Ven's friends.”

“What kind of friends do you think Ven would have?” Ephemer then wondered- a small accusatory tone was laced in his voice. He paused when he caught himself and added, “Besides us.”

“A mother figure, for one.” the older student considered. He swirled his cup as he thought over what he'd think Ventus's ideal friends would be like. “And a big brother type. You know the kind; all big and muscular, probably addicted to protein shakes. Not little miss Probably-inhales-an-absurd-amount-of-chocolate.”

Before he could stop himself, Ephemer said, “Are you sure that it's chocolate she's inhaling?” which earned him a small elbow jab from Anora. Brain didn't seem to notice it.

“No.” he admitted. “But I like to be an optimist when time comes down to it.”

“I don't like her.” Anora spoke up. It surprised everyone, including herself. Brain gave her an interested raise of his eyebrow.

“Well, I guess there's a first time for everything.” he mused with a teasing grin. “You guys are allowed to sit, you know. Skuld made the food, so make sure to save some for the rest of us. And there's a lot of drinks to go through. Oh, and Ephemer, you're on the after party clean up duty.”

“Got it.” Ephemer nodded. “Thank you for the reminder.”

Brain gave a smirk as he tipped his fedora at them once more before heading to talk to Lauriam. Ephemer and Anora decided to sit at the loveseats with Skuld and Strelitzia. The four of them went into a very long talk about everything and nothing. It started when Ephemer chastised Skuld for wearing a hospital gown- to which she said she was test subject, not a critically injured invalid, and that he needed to relax a little. It only took one glance between Anora and Strelitzia to quickly change the subject. Strelitzia had made her costume by hand, a very beautiful regency inspired dress with headdress.

After awhile, Anora politely excused herself to get a drink. The snack table had been set up against the same wall as the writing desk. A little smile was on Anora's face. This party wasn't so bad. It was just her and her friends. Because the room had been darkened, she barely saw Sabrina for most of the party. Occasionally, you'd hear the youngest girl laugh or shout for Ventus, but other than that it was rather relaxed.

Anora quietly poured herself a cup of lemonade. She happened to look up and noticed that there was a mirror on the wall. As she gave the reflection a little smile, something about the mirror seemed to change. For a moment, Anora could still see herself in the mirror- but she was older. The expression her reflection made was contemplative. Stern, almost. Her reflection turned its head as if it were talking to someone beside her. Frightened, Anora jumped away from the mirror, landing almost directly into Ephemer's arms. How he was suddenly there was beyond her, she was too surprised that her reflection moved to even react.

“Are you alright?” he worried. “Do we need to go?”

Anora quickly shook her head, pointing a quick finger at the mirror. In a shaking voice she even muttered, “The mirror, it… it had...”

Ephemer looked at her, then looked at the mirror.

“Anora, it's a dollar store frame with aluminum foil in it. It's not a real mirror.”

“It's not a…?” she repeated before looking back at it. Sure enough, he was right.

“Come sit back down,” Ephemer offered, “I'll get us drinks. We'll leave soon, promise.”

Anora recoiled a little. “But I don't want to leave.”

Ephemer look at her with a worried frown. “You're seeing things in a fake mirror that doesn't even have a reflection.” he bluntly told her. “Obviously this is too stressful for you. We'll leave after we tell Skuld good bye and-”

“I don't want to leave yet.”

For a moment, Ephemer blinked at her in bewilderment. She glared back at him with a still expression. The young man opened and closed his mouth in an attempt to say something, but nothing ever came out. Their tense moment was broken when a very loud, very trashy song started to play from the wireless speaker.

“Could someone turn that trash off?” Lauriam demanded from over the song. “There are children at this party!”

“The children are the ones who put in on!” came the mischievous response from Sabrina, which was then followed by a near maniacal laughter.

Anora let out a light shudder at the sound and tried to turn her attention back to Ephemer. But he was gone. The Dandelion leader had gone to Lauriam and Sabrina (the former looking like he was about smack the latter's mouth from talking back) in hopes to stop a fight before it started. Not that he truly needed to- Brain and Ventus were trying to defuse the situation as well. Skuld didn't bother to get up, even though she was keeping a close eye on the events. Strelitzia had gotten up, though, and was carefully making her way over to Anora.

“Should we leave?” the older girl asked the younger. “Just until things have cooled off a bit?”

But Anora shook her head- her gaze still dead set on Ephemer. “I'm not going anywhere.” she said under her breath, not meaning for Strelitzia to hear. “I can wait.”

#daybreak academy #chapter 80 #kingdom hearts fanfiction #Anora #Ephemer #Brain #Sabrina #Strelitzia #Fall 2020 #Season 2

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blissfulparker · 5 years

Text

Give me a feeling ch.3—boxer!roomate!tom

Parings →boxer!roomate!tom x ballerina!reader

Summary →a gentle dancer crosses paths with a rough boxer, they end up living off each other making no rules except one, never fall in love.

Warnings→ cursing

A/n→ hey I know this is late but finals are coming up and I’m really stressed so I haven’t been here much(not gonna lie I only come on during my emotional breakdowns) so I’ll try and post as much as I can but it will be hard until around Christmas.

Tom once told you he hated attention, you thought that was the biggest lie he’s ever told.

Tom had spotlights in him all the time, girls chasing after him left and right, people only dreaming they could talk to him. You talked to him everyday, even rumored that you both were dating. He quickly shut that one down of course but with him being in the spotlight and you coming to fame because of him was hard. Hard for him to be himself sometimes. You knew how hard this was for him, all he wanted to do was box but sometimes he wanted a break from even that. You use to joke that the two of you would take a year break and live in France.

You woke up to the sound of puking in the bathroom, the walls were thin so it wasn’t hard to hear him curse and then vomit. You didn’t hesitate to run to his assistant once you heard him.

“Tom?” You come to rub his back as he let it all out in the toilet. “Tom are you okay?” You ask him and he nods as he grabs toilet paper to wipe his mouth.

“That was fucking disgusting.” He says as he leans back against the bathroom wall.

“Are you okay?” You ask him again and he nods.

“I think I need the day off.” He says, it was early in the morning so you knew Harrison would be awake.

“Okay I’ll call Harrison then my company so I can take the day—“ you start but cuts you off.

“No, I don’t want you taking the day off, I’m serious. You have that dance of yours coming up, I know it means a lot so don’t take a day off for me.” He tells you and you roll your eyes but agree.

“Fine, but I’m calling Harrison to tell him that you aren’t feeling well so you can’t come to work.” You tell Tom and he nods. “Oh and I want you to see a real doctor.” You give him a serious look before walking back to your room.

“There’s Nothing you cant fix love.” He yells before hurling over the toilet again.

When you left tom you were nervous, mostly because the boy never takes sick days and when he does you usually take care of him. He wasn’t exactly sick, you thought he might have a concussion but if you told him then he’d feel the need not to go to the doctors about it. You also knew that he wouldn’t go to the doctors without you, claiming that when he goes with you they don’t try and take his blood as for when he’s alone they try and poke him with a million needles.

“I think the spins were definitely a little—“ Dana was talking before she cut herself off seeing tom at the front desk with a bag of food and the girl drooling over him. “Are you gonna go get him or...” she asked staring at him with heart eyes.

“I told him to stay home.” You groaned as you walked over to him grabbing his arm. “What are you doing here?” You asked him and he looked up from the front desk woman.

“I brought you lunch darling, house got boring without you.” He smirked and handed you the bag. He knew the effect he had on the woman who danced here, he was practically their Greek god.

“Besides, I heard Blair just broke up with her boyfriend.” He says and you step on his foot with your point shoes.

“Leave Blair alone she’s actually very heartbroken.” You tell him. “Thank you for bringing me lunch, is there anything else you need?” You asked him and he nodded.

“I need you to come to the doctors with me.” He says as if he’s a child.

“Tom,” You sigh. “You’re 22 years old. you can go to the doctors without someone with you.” You say and he pouts.

“Please! Everytime I go alone they—“ before he can finish you cut him off.

“Try and stick a million needles in me yeah yeah, I know.” You tell him before you pull him off to the break room so you can sit and eat in private.

“I really love the attention they give me here.” He smirks at one of the girls who waved at him.

“Yeah, they should practically give you a damn staute.” You joked.

The two of you sat in the break room eating where a bunch of the other dancers ate and talked rather than going out or going home.

“Did you throw up again today?” You asked and he shook his head poking at his food with his fork.

“No, took the medicine you left for me and I have an appointment for 4:30 which I need you to be there.” He says and you sigh not wanting to go. “How’s the dance coming along?” He asked curious about the popular ballet Swan Lake where you were one of the back up dancers, not the star of the show.

“Good, tiring I need you to help me roll out my joints when I get home.” You tell him and he nods.

“I can do that.” He says as he takes a bite of his food. “If you come to the doctors.” He smirks and you roll your eyes.

“I’ll go, fine.” You tell him, you knew you let him win this little argument.

“Perfect,” He says as he stands up taking his trash and yours. “We should probably go now. I know you like being there early.” He says, you did like being to the doctors early but it was his appointment not yours.

“No, I know you’re scared and you’re going to try and get out of it at last minute.” You argue with him.

“Yeah sure.”

The two of you sat in the doctors office with you filling out the paper work and tom massaging his temples and enjoying the attention the woman at the front desk gave him there as well.

“Tom? Tom Holland?” A man who looked to be almost the same age as the two of you called out.

The both of you stood up before walking over to the man with you giving him the paperwork. The man gave a warm smile, almost too warm of one.

“You must be his sister—“ the doctor paid less attention to tom for a moment but rather focused on the beauty that you radiated.

“Girlfriend,” he coughed out grabbing your waist. “She’s my girlfriend. Are we going to get this done or...?” He asked and it only made you roll your eyes.

“Right, sorry.” The doctor says before he turns around. “Come with me the room is down here.”

As the three of you entered the room tom had hesitated as he sat down already acting like the child he was. He acted as if he was ready to throw a temper tantrum any second.

“He has a concussion, I think, he threw up this morning and got hit in the head pretty hard last night. He says he feels like his head is swelling.” You say and the doctor writes all of the things you say down and tom rolls his eyes.

“He could possibly, ill take his blood pressure and then do some tests to see where he’s at, I’ll be right back.” He turns out of the room smirking at you before leaving.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You hit Toms arm.

“What?” He asks defensively.

“You acting like I’m your girlfriend! I’m allowed to date too you know! Not everything is about you!” You argue, the truth was, tom didn’t want you to date. He wanted—needed you all to himself.

“Fine you want to flirt with him then go for it! He doesn’t even look like he’s worth it though.” He says before he turns away.

The doctor came back in, the room filled with awkward tension and now you and tom both acting immature. He wasn’t fine just like you had thought, he had a concussion, severe one in fact, the doctor told him he should stay home and rest for about 3 days, 3 days was too long in Toms head though so you knew it was going to be hell, mostly because Harrison would force him to stay home.

“Thank you for your help, we really appreciate it.” You smile at the man before grabbing tom and taking him out of the place into the cold New York air.

“You hear that? No boxing for 3 days.” You tell him and he jerks his arm away.

“I’m not a damn child I understood him.” He pouts before you turn the corner to walk back to the apartment.

“You acted like a damn child.” You bantered at him.

“Stop I’m not in the mood.” He says before you step in front of him.

“Hey hey, look, I’m sorry I know this is like hell for you. I’ll get us Sushi tonight okay?” You offered and he nodded before you swung your arm around his shoulder.

“Don’t do that.” He pushes you off.

“Stop pouting,” You say before you turn into the complex.

“I’m not pouting.” He says before he tries to walk ahead.

You knew that this week was going to be the worst week of both of your lives.

Please leave feedback it helps me out and let’s me know if you want another part

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Give me a feeling tags: @petersunderoos96 @yourwonderbelle @ispiderdudei @lostinlitature @ailenmcmarsman @t-hollandxd-twins @omfgitscindyy @magiclolipopqueen @keithseabrook27 @ilytomholland @tomsmelanin @reblogsfics @highlydisfunctional1 @hansbrak @maddie-laufeyson @roses-hxlland

#tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland x y/n #tom holland au #imagine tom holland #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #tom holland

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pocketofsunshineimagines · 7 years

Text

I’ve got you

Pairing : Rafa x Reader

Warning: Self harm, depression, descriptions of cutting, blood

Word Count: 1861

Tags: @musicalmoriarty @la-frenchiest-frite @parksxo

You never knew exactly when all this started. It was something that came and went. One day you’d be fine, not a problem, then you’d be sitting on your floor crying, ready to give up. Tonight was on of the latter.

Your day had gone horribly. Your boss shouted at you for being four minutes late to work. Most days you could shrug that off, knowing she was most likely stressed. Today it felt very personal. Customers were rude and your shift felt extra long. You just wanted to get home. You wanted to take the stress away. As soon as you got home you threw your bag down and headed straight to the bathroom, your head screaming. You closed the door and opened a drawer, quickly finding the fresh blades you’d bought a few days prior. You’d felt awful buying them but when you were like this old habits came back extremely fast. You pulled up your sleeve and did what you needed to do. You let out a sigh of relief. Your head became clear and you slid down to the floor. You repeated the action a few times over your arm. You closed your eyes and dropped the blade. You titled your head back, feeling at peace for a moment.

“(Y/N)? You here?”

Your eyes shot open. You scrambled to clean yourself up. You weren’t too sure who was in your apartment but you sure as hell didn’t want them seeing you like this. You heard footsteps make their way closer to the bathroom.

“(Y/N)? You in there?”

Rafael. Oh God, you were supposed to meet him after work. You’d given him a key a few weeks before for emergencies or if he needed to borrow something when you weren’t there. He knocked on the door and you took a deep breath.

“Y-Yeah I am, just gimme a sec,” you answered quietly. Your voice was horse.

You didn’t realise that you’d started to cry. Tears were streaming down your cheeks. You tried so hard to keep your sobs silent as you held tissue to your arm. You covered your mouth to muffle the sound. It didn’t work. One sob was released from your throat that was loud enough for him to hear.

“You okay?” He spoke again through the door. You couldn’t answer him.

Rafa knew you’d struggled with stuff in the past but he didn’t know you when it was bad. He slowly turned the door knob after a second when you didn’t answer. Pushing the door open, he poked his head in. His eyes found you on the floor, still bleeding and sobbing. You couldn’t look up at him. You couldn’t believe you’d found yourself here again.

“Oh, sweetie.” He knelt beside you. He rested his hand on your cheek, wiping away tears. You let out another sob, leaning into him a little.

He pulled you to rest against his chest. His arms wrapped around you as he rocked you gently. You held your arm out, careful not to get any blood on him. He just cradled you, letting you cry as much as you needed to. You have no idea how long you stayed there like that. You pushed yourself up after another little bit. You moved to the sink to wash your arm. You pulled out a bandage from the medicine cabinet and wrapped yourself up. Rafa hovered over your shoulder, watching you closely. You still hadn’t said anything to him. You didn't know what you could say. He wasn’t sure what to say either. His instinct was to fix it, he wanted to fix it for you but he knew he couldn’t.

“I’m sorry Rafa,” you spoke locking eyes with him in the mirror.

His face fell a little. He stood forward and wrapped his arms around your waist. He held you tightly to his chest. He ran his nose along the curve of your neck breathing in your scent. To him you smelt like vanilla and cinnamon.

“It’s okay, you’ve nothing to be sorry for. I know it’s hard.” You leaned back into his chest, wiggling around to face him.

He held you close to him, rubbing his arm up and down your back. He carefully took your arm and peaked under the bandage. When you tried to pull it back his grip became slightly tighter keeping your arm where he could look at it. He let your arm go after he was satisfied that you didn’t need stitches. As you let your arm drop you felt tears springing up in your eyes. How could he want this? How could he want you? The thoughts flew around in your head. He took your hand and interlaced your fingers leading you to the bedroom. You sat on the edge of the bed as he pulled out your favourite cardigan from the drawer. He threw it at your head causing you to laugh a little. He smiled at you and kissed your forehead.

“Come on put that on, we’re going to get some food.”

When things went wrong, Rafa’s first response was food. He also had a nagging feeling you hadn’t eaten all day. You shrugged on the cardigan. It was dark green, heavy knit and oversized. It always made you feel cozy wearing it. Rafa had disappeared when you turned around. Walking down the hall, you found him in the bathroom. He had the blade wrapped in tissue. You felt so ashamed. He was everything you could ask for and this felt like slapping him in the face. He got up from the floor. You watched him walk closer to you.

“Is this the only one?” He asked as he hooked his finger under your chin.

You shook your head and pointed to the drawer that housed the other blades. He leaned down and opened it. His breath hitched when he saw the box of blades. You throat tightened. He took the blades and pocketed them. You wondered why he didn’t just throw them in your trash. You hands were still shaking as he came back to you. He brushed hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear. He pressed several soft kisses to your lips.

“I still love you, this isn’t gonna change that,” he reassured you as if he could read your mind. “Now lets go get an inhuman amount of fries”

You walked out of your apartment building. Rafael was walking just head of you. He made a sharp right turn to the alley beside your building. You followed him unsure of that he was doing. He reached into his pocket and took the blades out. You knew he was going to throw them away. You hated the fact that this filled you with anxiety. He threw them in the dumpster and your held your breath. You mind was now racing with where to get more, or how to get them back. He had started waking back to the main street. He turned to you to say something, only to see you weren’t at his side. You were a few paces back, staring at the dumpster. He sighed. He didn’t know you had gotten this bad. Every inch of him was berating him for not seeing the signs. He walked back towards you. You looked up at him when you heard his footsteps stopping. You didn’t say anything, you just looked at him with so much guilt in your eyes. He took you in his arms and squeezed you tight. You knew he had you, that he wouldn’t leave you to fight this alone but you didn’t want to put him through it too.

“I love you Rafael,” you said into his chest. The sound was muffled into his chest. He smiled and squeezed you a little tighter.

You pulled away and started to walk towards the diner you always went to. You both walked in were seated straight away. It wasn’t a busy place but the two of you liked it. Rafa ordered a cheese burger fries and a milkshake, while you ordered bacon cheese fries and a milkshake. You tugged the sleeves of your cardigan down over your hands. He held out his hand out over the table. You slide you hand into his. Your food came quickly and the two of you ate in silence for a bit.

“What happened (Y/N)? He broke the silence then shoving a few fries into his mouth.

You took a deep breath then explained how your day had been awful and that you’d been struggling for a few weeks. Tears pricked up in your eyes as you ate some more. You hadn’t eaten all day and this was just pure comfort food. When you shallowed you explained more.

“It just got hard. I’m not sure why. Some days I just want to throw the towel. I’m fighting so hard against it but I’m scared. I don’t know how long I can fight.” His face dropped at your words. He thought you were so strong and could do anything. You rarely let your anxieties out. It felt kind of good to express the feelings to him but you didn’t want to worry him. He squeezed your hand.

“You’ve got more fight in you darling. I know you have. I'm sorry your finding it so hard right now. You’ll get there, you have before and you will again.”

You smiled at his words. It didn’t made it all better but when he said it, you believed it. You looked at him and he was smiling softly at you. You smiled back and nodded. The two of you finished your food. You both had a small argument over paying, which he won. You both then left and walked back to your apartment. You headed straight to the bedroom. You were exhausted, all the emotion completely draining you. You changed into one of the shirts Rafa left at your place. He came into the bedroom and leaned against the door frame. He knew you’d be okay but you’d need support through it. You looked over your shoulder at him. He smiled

“Can you stay tonight? It’s chill if you can’t.”

He nodded. You smiled and crawled into bed. He stripped down to his boxers and slid in beside you. You rested your head on his shoulder. He kisses your forehead, then your nose and finally he kisses your lips firmly. You smile into the kiss and sigh. As you pull away from each other, you begin to yawn. He chuckles, wrapping his arm around you. You twist around and he shuffles closer. He holds you close to his torso. You fall asleep quickly. He leans up on his elbow, watching you sleep over his shoulder. His eyes trail down to the bandage on your arm. He leans down and kisses the top of your head, careful not to wake you

“I’ve got you,” he breathes against your head.

He lays back down and makes a silent promise that he’ll be there for you through everything, even if it got really bad again. He wasn’t going to let you fall.

#rafael casal x reader #rafa x reader

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cosmosogler · 7 years

Text

;_;

i woke up on time, actually. after a kind of, a kind of horrifying dream? i was just hanging out in the big boat, the huge one with red carpet and it’s usually in the harbor so there’s white buildings and birds along the horizon when you go on deck. there was a door to a building where it should have led into the boat- just kind of an old building on top of the boat. it was my high school theater. ALWAYS A GOOD SIGN.

there was something going onnn... when the Big Plot got resolved we were all standing on deck milling around directly after the big finale. i don’t know if it was a big finale but it was definitely after something. my old roommate maranda was up by the building. she got hooked on the door somehow and it flipped around trap-bookcase style and pulled her inside. except the door was half-covered by a wall so when she got pushed inside it kind of... clipped her at the waist. i don’t know it was a very non-euclidean motion.

i didn’t see any blood but i frowned at the door for a second. only a few people must have seen it because no one stopped talking. then the screaming started!!! it went on!!!!!!!!! wailing and sobbing like a person just realized they’d gotten cut in half. you know.

i was very afraid of going inside and seeing what was in there. i ended up on the other side of the building eventually... my sister and classmates were putting on a play. i took one look at the script and said “nope, no, i’m outta here, bye” and turned around and walked away, waving my hand behind me. i got a look at the Big Door on my way out; i kind of collapsed with relief when i didn’t see any blood or stray body parts. it seemed like she had just fallen a lot of feet somehow and broken something. there wasn’t anyone by the wall or door when i looked. then i woke up.

it kinda rattled me, you know? periodically throughout the day i had to just kind of take a minute and put my head in my hands.

anyway when i woke up snoopy had pooped all over the house. i got fed up with wasting all of my laundry detergent on washing the blanket on the couch every single morning so i put trash bags over the couch instead. i also had to clean up the floor. it wasn’t like she’d been sick, more like she’d just decided to camp out there. but there was twice as much as usual.

when i was brushing my teeth i threw up again. i’m gonna get cavities if this keeps happening.

i made eggs for breakfast. used too much butter but that’s ok. i made 2 eggs and i managed to eat more than half of it so i count that as a win. felt real sick though.

i went to the gym to work out for 20 minutes and then i staggered back home and stood in the shower for a long time. longer than i’d wanted, but also, i just felt hot and cold and sore all over and i was so tired. i wanted to stand in room-temperature water for a while. when i got out i cleaned my ears with the water blaster. that always makes me super dizzy but it helped with my headache just a little.

i actually didn’t waste a lot of time this morning. just showered longer than usual. i packed a pbj and some guac and a banana and fruit strips and a granola bar and super awesome chocolate raisins and headed out. the bus schedule said the next ride would be in like 40 minutes and i huffed. when i checked it again five minutes later (right before i was going to walk all the way to school), the bus was 15 minutes away. so i went down to wait. 25 minutes after that the bus showed up.

i got to my office at about 10:45. i sat down and started working at 11. i went until 8:30.

the last 2-hour stretch i didn’t even take any breaks. i was kinda miserable. i gave up on the very last problem.

anyway at about noon i broke out the pbj. i think i’m used to old trash bread because this fresh bread i’d just bought yesterday and sealed well was too rich i guess. i felt real bad trying to eat it. it was confusing. i wanted to cut off the crust or something, but i haven’t done that in like 16 years.

i forced down the guac and the raisins and went back to work. suzanne and jake showed up so i went in her office and got back to work at 12:30. during my little 10-minute breaks to round out each hour i’d go over by the window at the far corner of the building and look out at the sky for a few minutes. i stretched a little but nothing too taxing. i think it helped me keep up the pace but i’m not sure now that the day is over.

at like 2:40 i had my banana. it actually didn’t make me super sick for once. i felt bad... maybe it’s because i was too stressed but even after diligently reading the textbook all the way through i felt like i didn’t understand what to do for the homework. i was doing most of it by myself but again i felt the need to get step-by-step directions from suzanne. i told her i really needed to practice with lagrangian equations... we only did it for 2 weeks in undergrad and i didn’t really get it very well then either.

i would love to practice with lagrangians! if the homework didn’t eat up 7 hours every week, not counting reading the textbook, not counting doing that for my other two classes. also not counting lab prep, teaching the lab, and grading 54 reports every week.

i feel... overwhelmed. all my free time the last two days (on the WEEKEND) has gone toward homework but i only got one assignment done out of three that are due monday... and i worked all thursday, and between classes on friday. i don’t know what else i’m supposed to do. it’s so hard to keep up that i can’t put in the work i need to do if i want to get in enough physics-shape to start pulling my own weight.

jennica came in, and ioannis, and taylor, and keegan. there was another student around i think but i didn’t see him after he came in and he didn’t come out of his office. i didn’t talk to them much honestly. i’m real frustrated with myself, that i don’t understand constraints and how to examine a physical system and just pop equations out of it. how i don’t notice stuff in the textbook that looks like a footnote but is actually how you solve the problem. i feel bad looking up basic geometry terms just to refresh my memory. it shouldn’t need to be refreshed.

i don’t feel too bad about looking up all the new terms all the time though. i desperately need to hear the definition of “hermitian” in as many different words as possible.

anyway after 3:30-ish i was out of food i wanted to eat today and that meant trouble. at 6:30 i started skipping my assigned break periods to keep working. poor suzanne. she was so tired and frazzled from doing the homework due this week that she basically sent me her work for the last three problems (out of five. i work slowly). i didn’t copy so much as i looked at her first step and worked forward from there. when i got stuck that’s when i noticed she would use trig identities that i just straight up didn’t know.

it’s that first step that’s the hardest though. turning the words into a concept that the question wants me to learn, and then turning that concept into the right equation. and you gotta improvise a lot. i feel so helpless.

though, when i do the problems wrong and just follow along with the book, i find i understand the math a WHOLE LOT better. i would copy all the equations in order if i could and work through the proofs with the book. but that would turn my 3/4-hour reading project (for each individual chapter) into a 7/9-hour reading project (again, for a single chapter out of the 35+ i need to get through this semester, basically 2 and a half a week).

and also that’s 8 hours i didn’t spend doing the actual homework.

my classmates told me that they just don’t have enough time to read the textbook. but i don’t understand how they do the homework without reading the text and taking note of literally everything in the lecture (which ALSO exhausts me). i guess it’s because they know something i don’t, or just remember everything better.

i do feel very helpless. not even just in physics though. it’s so bizarre and scary to be buying my own food. thinking about buying my own bike, and transporting my own self to school and back, and figuring out on my own where everything is and the best shortcuts to take, feels like vertigo. doing my own banking and organizing my own budget feels like walking across a rickety bridge over a canyon.

and i’ve been doing this for TEN YEARS already!!! i did my own laundry in high school! i got myself to class! i made sure i got enough to eat!

and i’m still not used to it for some reason!!!!!!!!!!

and it feels like that every day. doing physics work on top of that when i feel so not confident and scared is near impossible.

jennica was talking about funeral styles earlier today when she was asking suzanne about how it went. she said that when suzanne died she should just have her funeral at a “baptist” church. jake corrected her to evangelical, i think? jennica said it’s because funerals are a big party since they prefer to celebrate your life over mourn your death. and she said it’s not a bad thing to die because you go to a better place and stuff.

i put my head down in my book to prevent myself from saying “if i believed in a better place i’d just kill myself now.” too dark.

i do feel... pinned about that though. on one hand, thinking everything gets better when you die does not help me. i cannot think that way or... well.

but on the other hand what happens to the people i love when they die? my pets? whatever happens to me when i die would surely happen to them too? do i want a “good” afterlife or not.

i don’t know. thinking about it makes me uncomfortable right now.

at 8:30 jennica and i took off for chipotle. the line was criminally long and slow. i may as well have just gone home and cooked the pasta and “meat”balls i wanted to make. she was talking very loudly and it hurt my ears, and she kept gesturing and almost touching me. she’d reach out erratically and i’d have to actually lean away from her.

i know she was probably as tired as i am. and i was wiped. that’s probably why i didn’t have as much patience as usual.

so i got home at 9:20 and slapped my burrito down on my table and ate it and i ate the stuff that fell out with my hands like a filthy animal. i was starving. i ate with the desperation of someone who had been working too hard all day and not had any opportunity to eat. i knew i was eating too fast but i didn’t care because i had to sit down and start writing basically as soon as i finished if i wanted to go to bed on time (i’m already 15 minutes late now). so about two minutes after i finished i nearly puked. i had to stop in my hallway and take deep breaths.

my stomach still hurts. it doesn’t hurt as bad as my, i guess, solar plexus? it feels like the muscles are getting shoved around by my ribs every time i lean over or straighten my back. like i’ll stretch my back and when i put my head back down to keep reading something between my ribs will just kinda slide and pop in and it hurts but i can’t figure out how to describe the pain. it feels like scar tissue i guess. but i don’t got no scars there.

it’s not as bad as yesterday but it’s still hella unpleasant and it makes it hard to sleep because it’s got that gnarly pinching feeling when i lay down too, no matter what position.

we’ll see. tomorrow i need to try to do the entire quantum assignment (that was due last friday) and also i need to grade the entire first lab section. it’s too much. i wanted to do the full classical assignment AND half of one of those other things today. took too long.

i don’t want to quit. i don’t want to quit. i can do it. i just need more time. or more energy. or more fudging power i guess. i don’t know how my classmates do it. it seems like they don’t sleep but i don’t really have that option. i don’t have much option to skip ANY part of my routine actually.

that sounds like i got a bad work ethic but my depression gets so much worse when i don’t take care of everything every day and then i end up getting no work done at all.

like i gotta eat, preferably three times. i gotta clean myself up. i gotta get outside for a little bit. i gotta drink enough water. i gotta interact with someone and also my cat or any dog at all. i gotta get some form of exercise. i gotta go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning. or else it all goes to hell! that’s not fair. for everyone else most of that stuff is optional and it’s just not for me.

anyway it’s 10:58 and if i don’t stop now i won’t have time to meditate for a few minutes. i’m already late getting to bed anyway. might not have enough time to get in 8 hours of sleep. being out of the apartment until literally my “get ready for bed” time threw me off... might have to get used to that over the next few days. just got too much to do.

#tw suicide #i just talk a little bit about it because of a conversation

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