I'm lost in admiration, could I need you this much?

SOMETHING HAPPENS AND I'M HEAD OVER HEELS.

The Most Important Review of Every Single Marwan Kenzari Film

If you’ve seen this one about Luca, you know the drill.

Now, Marwan’s brand is a little less defined than Luca’s but I managed to find similar tropes in a lot of his films. Also, rather than copy myself and give you a redundant Marwanmeter, I decided instead to recommend which Luca character best pairs with each Marwan character for your crossover pleasure. Let’s see if we ship the same things! Some of them are crack. You’re welcome.

(all gifs again by the awesomely amazing @weardes​ who did not ask to be my gif factory but life’s a bitch)

Het zusje van Katia (2008)

Will you miss him if you blink? Kinda. They talk about him a lot but his actual screen time is like 43.7 seconds. Also can I just say... he’s supposed to be from Italy?? The boy says literally one (1) Italian word, and you’ll never guess what it is. (Obviously, it’s “bella” like there’s a chance he could’ve said anything else.)

Is he hot? Painfully hot.

Is he naked? There’s this one scene where he’s wearing the sluttiest pair of speedos I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Does his hair look great? Actually, yes. Perfect hair, perfect beard, he looks amazing.

Does he fuck? Yes, a lot - off screen, including an M/M/F threesome he presumably, probably, most definitely initiated.

Best paired with? From what I’ve gathered, this hoe ain’t loyal, so the best course of action is to find him a Luca that would benefit from a one night stand with no strings attached and wouldn’t fall in love with him. The obvious choice here is Valerio from Slam - Tutto per una ragazza. They meet, they fuck, then Giac makes his 4-hour drive back to Pisa, and they don’t see each other again until the next time he’s in Rome. Everybody’s happy, especially the two sluts in question.

De laatste dagen van Emma Blank (2009)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, absolutely.

Is he hot? Very.

Is he naked? Almost constantly.

Does his hair look great? He’s got those cute short curls, he looks so good.

Does he fuck? That’s literally why he’s there: to fuck and to die.

Best paired with? Man, I wish I had something to work with here. The only thing we know about him besides his sexual prowess is his affinity for white suits and toy helicopters. And as far as I know, those might be the exact things Fabrizio from Nina finds hot in guys. So like, why not?

Loft (2010)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character.

Is he hot? Yeah, sure.

Is he naked? There’s a scene where he’s wearing underwear and a tank top but it somehow makes him look like a kindergartener.

Does his hair look great? It looks quite nice.

Does he fuck? Yes, though I wish he didn’t.

Best paired with? Tom is a very violent person and a drug addict. He does messed up stuff to his sexual partners I’d rather he didn’t do to any of Luca’s characters. Feel free to use him for your sadistic fantasies or as a villain or whatever.

Rabat (2011)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s one of the three leads.

Is he hot? Oh yes! And cute!

Is he naked? He’s at the beach wearing nothing but boxer shorts.

Does his hair look great? He’s got this extreme undercut thing that would look ridiculous on anyone less pretty, so like no, he doesn’t have great hair, but also like it’s Marwan, you know what I mean?

Does he fuck? Before he embarks on a road trip with his friends, he has an offscreen threesome with two girls he picked up at a wedding. Slut.

Best paired with? Gabriele from Waves. They’re both sweet guys who could meet in some Tunisian port and decide to sail the Mediterranean Sea together.

Black Out (2012)

Will you miss him if you blink? Not unless your blinking is very deliberate.

Is he hot? Not really. He’s a dirty cop with a shitty moustache and oral fixation.

Is he naked? No, but I wish he was: his clothes are awful. Marwan is 29 in this movie and he looks 50!

Does his hair look great? Nope. They took Marwan’s usual short hair and made it not work somehow.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? The one thing Luca’s characters all have in common is that none of them come off as bootlickers. All of them are either too soft for such a relationship or wouldn’t waste their spit on a cop.

Wolf (2013)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? *gestures wildly at the gif*

Is he naked? He’s got quite a few shirtless scenes.

Does his hair look great? It’s nothing special but suits his character well.

Does he fuck? Oh yes.

Best paired with? Hear me out. I know that some people ship him with Fabio, but in my opinion that pair, while hot, doesn’t work. Here’s my pitch: Cesare from Non essere cattivo. The drug connection is still there, but in this case Majid’s problem-solving skills won’t fall on deaf ears. Cesare needs a daddy, ok? Majid can be a daddy when he needs to, especially when he has a soft boyfriend to care for. And Majid needs soft, not psycho.

Hartenstraat (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist once again.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? There’s that iconic scene where he’s wearing nothing but black boxer briefs and boots while carrying a tray...

Does his hair look great? He’s got Joe-like curls and looks like what every male romantic lead should aspire to look like and then cry because they all fail.

Does he fuck? There’s one very unfortunate sex scene played for laughs. I’m pretty sure he’ll need therapy afterwards. I certainly do.

Best paired with? Paolo from Il padre d’Italia. Paolo deserves the best boyfriend, and who’s better than Daan, an extremely hot man who cooks? They both have daughters, so they can talk about that, I guess, and Paolo can finally have a family. Honestly, this is so wholesome I just made myself cry.

Lucia de B. (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? For sure.

Is he hot? He’s a cop. Again. But he looks good.

Is he naked? Fully dressed, but man are his clothes ugly. Is that a cop thing?

Does his hair look great? He has slightly longer curls, which is fine and the best thing about this character.

Does he fuck? ACAB. (I know this doesn’t answer the question, I just wanted to make it clear.)

Best paired with? See my bootlicker comment from earlier. While Detective *checks notes* Ron Leeflang isn’t explicitly corrupt, he’s obviously a dick, so the best I can do here is recommend any Luca character that has ever been in trouble with the law for any fics about power imbalance you want to write but aren’t comfortable with a nice Marwan playing the villain.

Bloedlink (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Oh no, he’s there the entire time.

Is he hot? In a weird way, yes.

Is he naked? So, so, so naked. Like, leave nothing to the imagination naked.

Does his hair look great? I’d say that little rat tail is the exact opposite of great.

Does he fuck? Probably more than is good for him. I should also add that he’s canonically queer in this.

Best paired with? Rico is a pathetic loser in need of someone who’s got his life together and has a lot of experience dealing with fuckups. Enter Loris from Il mondo fino in fondo. He has a stable job and a savior complex, and with his little bro gaying it up in Chile and not needing him anymore, all he wants right now is someone to fix. I should be a fucking matchmaker in real life, for real.

Pak van mijn hart (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Undoubtedly.

Is he hot? No. The whole point of his character is to be the lesser choice compared to a guy who looks like a completely ordinary bland white dude...

Is he naked? ...so of course he isn’t naked! What, are they gonna take this poor woman, show her Marwan Kenzari’s post-Wolf body and expect her to choose her deeply mediocre ex? Please! They’re gonna dress him in the dorkiest clothes possible...

Does his hair look great? ...and make him wear the most awful wig that was clearly run over by a truck.

Does he fuck? No. As you can observe, they tried really hard to make him unfuckable, but honestly, he seems like a perfectly nice guy.

Best paired with? You know what? Mattia from La solitudine dei numeri primi is in desperate need of some sweetness and normalcy. I’m sure Richard will treat him with kindness and respect.

Collide (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character. Out of five.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? Not for a second! What’s up with American movies where people aren’t just casually walking around naked without any plot necessity???

Does his hair look great? His curls are so cute you guys! Look at them!

Does he fuck? Not explicitly.

Best paired with? Fabio from Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot. Again, the drug connection is there, but Matthias is soft enough not to butt heads with Fabio and, by the end of the movie, rich enough to satisfy his cravings for good living and fame. Also look at how good their color coordination is with those dark wine red clothes! Sometimes planets just align, okay?

Ben-Hur (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, especially if you aren’t watching the background.

Is he hot? Your usual Marwan hot.

Is he naked? No.

Does his hair look great? His typical short curls with a twist. I think the forehead area is supposed to invoke the Caesar cut? I don’t know. It looks fine when not hidden under that dumb helmet.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? A better script and a much better director. (Seriously, what is this blocking?)

The Promise (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there a decent amount in the first half of the movie and then almost completely disappears in the second half.

Is he hot? Very much, yes.

Is he naked? Unfortunately, no.

Does his hair look great? He’s got short curls again, but this time they’re fashionably styled, it’s magnificent.

Does he fuck? Oh yeah! And there’s no way he isn’t bi or pan in this. No way.

Best paired with? Roberta from L’ultimo terrestre. Listen, Emre Ogan may be a slut but he’s a gentleman, okay? He’d treat Roberta right and he’s got daddy’s cash to spare on hundreds of gorgeous white dresses for her.

The Mummy (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there, but barely.

Is he hot? Dangerously hot.

Is he naked? Not once! Instead we get a naked Tom Cruise literally no one asked for.

Does his hair look great? It’s your basic professional short hairdo.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Malik is a member of an organization tracking and destroying various monsters and historical artefacts related to them. Guido from Tutti i santi giorni speaks four languages, including Latin, and is a literature and ancient history nerd which makes him a valuable asset. Malik can fight and protect; Guido is bumbling and in need of saving. Guys, this writes itself.

What Happened to Monday (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, especially not in the third act.

Is he hot? He’s okay.

Is he naked? Very naked.

Does his hair look great? They shouldn’t have greased his curls back. He looks like another victim of Fabio Cannizzaro’s stylist. Also I wish he’d either shaved or finished growing out that beard.

Does he fuck? He fucks and he fucks good. He’ll go down on you, he’ll deflower you slowly and gently, he’ll choke you if you want him to, he’ll spoon you all night, he’ll give you emotional support, he’ll murder people for you - he’s down for whatever.

Best paired with? There’s one Luca character who needs a lot of sex and even more emotional support. Alright, most of them do, but I’m thinking of Ettore from Lasciate andare. He needs it, okay? Good dicking, good spooning, a good ear, a fine piece of ass to cry into - you get the gist. Most importantly: someone who’d love him for who he is and with whom he could relax and be himself. (Also, I see you, people comparing him to Fabio. Shame on you for sleeping on this soft boy and judging him based on his appearance.)

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s kinda always present, being very French.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? No, but I’m willing to forgive that because he looks so good in his conductor uniform.

Does his hair look great? He never takes off his hat.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Mickey Miranda. They’re both murderers morally dubious characters who would look hot together. What else do you need? (Again, I see you, people who want Pierre for Roberta because he’s a “nice guy”, and I know for a fact you didn’t watch the movie. Spoilers, I guess.)

The Angel (2018)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? Oh yes.

Is he naked? Not once, but you won’t regret it because he’s wearing excellently stylish 1970s clothes.

Does his hair look great? It looks fantastic. The sideburns (not yet seen here) are a good touch.

Does he fuck? He can definitely get it, but he’s loyal to his wife.

Best paired with? As the most aesthetically coherent and fashionably hot pair in this post, Ashraf and Primo are a no-brainer. Can you imagine Primo calling him “Angel” in different contexts? When he’s being intimidating, not realizing how palpable the sexual tension between them is, and later not even hiding his arousal? Sometimes things just work because they’re hot. That’s all, folks.

Aladdin (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the main villain.

Is he hot? It’s not like he went viral for being the “hot Jafar” or anything.

Is he naked? No! Fucking thanks a lot, Disney.

Does his hair look great? He has a buzz cut under that turban but he looks good in the turban, so that’s something.

Does he fuck? It’s a Disney movie, so he doesn’t fuck - explicitly or otherwise - but he still comes off as a thirsty bitch.

Best paired with? Jafar ends the movie as a genie who’s obligated to grant his master three wishes but is enough of a petty bitch to exploit the hell out of the “gray area” and screw them over Wishmaster style. My unconventional pair for him is Lui from Ricordi? So many scenarios with distorted memories and magic-induced mindfuck. So many possibilities for awesome and messed up crossover gifsets! Don’t say I never give you guys anything.

Instinct (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s very prominent.

Is he hot? I hate myself for finding him hot but I do.

Is he naked? He’s playing basketball shirtless in one scene, shaking his sweaty boobs everywhere.

Does his hair look great? His weird mohawk-like thing is honestly terrible, but if anything can make it work, it’s Marwan’s bone structure.

Does he fuck? Um, I’m pleading the Fifth on this one for the sake of good taste.

Best paired with? Prison. A very lonely, Luca-less prison.

The Old Guard (2020)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, unless blinking in your case means sleeping through the gloriousness that is the first ever canonically gay couple in an American action film.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? Shirtless in one scene.

Does his hair look great? Soft curls courtesy of Luca Marinelli’s tireless lobbying.

Does he fuck? Not on screen, but you can just tell by the way he looks at his husband and reads impromptu poetry right to his face. And everybody knows nothing kindles the fires of passion quite like murdering homophobes together.

Best paired with? If you have to ask, you’re clearly reading this by mistake. In which case, kudos for finishing such a long and confusing post, now go watch The Old Guard and cry at the beauty that is The Immortal Marriage.

You got it the right way around, I just can’t type for shit 😭😭

(oops accidentally wrote you a whole story here my bad I’m so sorry I got excited 😭)

But now I’m having thoughts,,, many thoughts of Steve wearing a Speedo to the pool,,, a speedo that is just a bit too small for him because he hasn’t worn it since his Hawkins High Swim Team days,,, and it rides up in all the right places.

Many thoughts about Billy hoping to god a kid doesn‘t start drowning because he’s way too caught up in Steve’s ass to even begin to notice,,, hoping that this towel is doing it’s job because he definitely has the most awkward, yet justified boner of his life,,, hoping that Steve doesn’t leave before his shift ends so he can pull him into the break room-

And he doesn’t. Steve doesn’t leave, doesn’t even move by the time he’s on break and Billy couldn’t be more happy.

“Lookin’ a little lobster-like, pretty boy,” Billy admires, gently poking at the older boys bright red thigh with the toe of his flip flop.

Steve jolted awake, clearly not expecting the company, or the rude awakening of his sickly sunburn being prodded, “Huh?”

Billy just laughed, borderline cackled at Steve’s drowsy reaction, “I said you’re redder than a stop sign, Princess.” And though his foot was around the brunettes leg, his eyes were anywhere but.

”Shit,” Steve hissed frantically, shifting in every position to look at the back of his sunburned body, “Fuck, man.”

“Y’know, think I might have something for that,” Billy shrugged, “Some aloe or something in the break room.”

Steve groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, still cursing himself for falling asleep in direct sunlight, “’ll be fine,” he assured, letting himself flop back down upon his pool lounger.

“You sure about that?” Billy did a once over of the once pale skin now burnt to a crisp. He didn’t need to look more than a few seconds to know that couldn’t feel good.

”Yeah, yeah,” Steve mumbled lazily, flicking his wrist as if you shoo the blonde off but it only made Billy smirk.

”Alright,” he spoke with an almost comedic shrug, “Suit yourself.”

Pause.

Smack!

”Ow! What the hell, Hargrove!” Billy watched as the red skin of Steve’s left asscheek turned a milky yellow sort of color in the shape of his palm. And, yup, he was definitely chubbing up in his trunks again.

“Want that aloe now?”

LMAO IDK WHAG THIS IS IM SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY BUT DO WITH THIS WHAT YOU WILL DKDNNF

Oh My GOD this is so so so delicious and perfect and I LOVE YOUR BRAIN!!! DO NOT APOLOGISE THIS IS GIVING ME LIFE!

Yes gimme slightly chunkier Steve in his high school Speedo, and he thinks he can get away with it but it rides up with every single movement he makes!!

And imagine Billy not being on shift when Steve walks in, so he has to do his lil walk from the locker room past the lounger where Steve is all stretched out like a damn cat and he does a freakin' TRIPLE take and a cartoon gulp and his usual poolside swagger is definitely more of a shuffle as he tries to hide exactly what's going on beneath his red shorts!!

And then he's up on his lifeguard chair trying so hard to focus on anything else but how CAN he?? Especially when Steve shuffles a little in his sleep and those trunks ride up even more and Billy can see a new strip of pale skin standing out in contrast to the pinker thighs below it.

And you KNOW Billy's thinking of all the possibilities while he's sitting up there. Thinking of kissing all that reddening skin, thinking of taking a long drink of ice water and then soothing Steve with his cool tongue, thinking of rubs with aloe gel and shared cool showers and all the lovely stuff.

But then he realises just HOW dumb Steve's being. How silly to get all burnt like that. How reckless. And how selfish to be all on display when Billy's not allowed to take advantage. And that's when he starts thinking mean .

And then YES YES when it's finally his break time and he goes and wakes up Steve and gets to put part of his plan in action!! And you KNOW he's dragging Steve into that break room with a slightly too firm grip on a pink bicep, and he's gonna be pinching that red ass and thighs 'just to see bad the damage is' and sinking to his knees to teasingly pull Steve's shorts down, just a little, nowhere NEAR enough, 'just to check, pretty boy, make sure you're not too sensitive anywhere else' and maybe he makes Steve sit down on the uncomfortable hard bench, watching in glee as he shifts and winces while Billy reaches into his locker for the aloe.

But oh he's gonna make him ask so very nicely for it first!!

How would Wanda and Vision (and Billy) react to Tommy being taken by that mutant experimentation facility that wanted to turn him into a weapon?

When I saw this, the entire story immediately formed in my head and I had to write it. Thank you for the ask, I had a lot of fun doing it! I hope you enjoy :D.  

Warning: story has some strong language 

------

It took an enormous amount of convincing for them (Vision in particular) to agree to leave the boys alone for the weekend. There were many hours of whining and conversations about how they are sixteen now and how they need to be treated as adults. Surprisingly, it was Tommy who flipped the narrative by presenting them thoroughly researched details of their current private island get-away. In the back of his mind, Vision knows he should be more than just mildly worried about what antics they are getting up to and if they are remembering to eat and sleep, except that would mean ignoring the murmur of the ocean and the wistful smirk on his wife’s face and the way her curls sway in the salty breeze and the adorable wrinkles that have formed by her closing her eyes to fully enjoy the soft caress of their freedom. Though he can efficiently consider all of this at once, he would rather take Wanda’s near constant advice to live in the moment. So he does, scooping up her hand and bringing it to his lips. “Would you care for more sangria?” 

Wanda pops open her left eye to look at him. “That depends.” 

“On?” 

“Whether you deliver it in your speedo.”  

Vision contemplates the request, not in a serious manner, but in a theatrical show of potential uncertainty despite both of them being aware there is no physical way for him to resist the insatiability sending scarlet flares across her iris. “At the Maximoff resort,” her eyebrows perk up at the lathering of poshness and the implication of the direction of their evening, “we do pride ourselves on catering,” a shrug of his shoulders dissolves his prior floral shirt and Bermuda shorts into the little teal number from their honeymoon so many years ago, “to our guest’s every need.” 

“That’s good because I,” before he can grab her glass, Wanda fishes out one of the inebriated peaches, sliding it into her mouth with a saucy wink, “have lots of needs.” 

“I will return momen-” the thought hangs limply in the air as he watches Wanda freeze, her back straightening out and hands gripping the armrest of her beach chair as her lust cracks and gives way to a distant stare. Whatever she sees is not on this beach, may not even be in this universe. “Wanda?” Each passing moment crawls up Vision’s spine, prickling his skin and sending his mind into a whirlwind of unease at his ignorance of the issue. After what feels like five minutes but is actually ten seconds, Vision kneels in the sand beside her chair, haltingly bringing his hand to hers, “Wanda what is it?” 

“Tommy.” 

All joy leeches immediately from his mind, replaced only by a frigid shroud of concern. “What’s wrong?” 

To the untrained ear, the whirring and sputter to Vision’s left would be no different from the tropical breeze dancing around them, but Vision’s auditory system is functioning perfectly so he turns expectedly towards the blue portal of their son. “Mom,” Billy rushes through and the fact he’s barefooted and wearing sweatpants with a pajama shirt only unsettles Vision further, “Dad. They took Tommy.” 

Wanda’s head snaps to the side to stare in the general direction of their son, her eyes still miles away despite her voice trembling with rage in the present, “Who?” 

“I don’t, I don’t know.” Nervously he brushes a hand through his hair, “He went out for a run and then I felt,” Billy’s eyes are wild, tinged with blue, much like Wanda’s own get when she struggles with overwhelming emotions, “we were connected, you know, like you say we should be and-” 

Vision has known anger in his own life, whether it is in the way he never hesitates to decimate those who harm Wanda, or in the calculated attacks of logic he uses on politicians and other officials who are being discriminatory and lecherous, or even in the calm, but firm words he uses to discipline the boys, but this feeling now, this dropping of his stomach and the roiling, severe heat that flows through his synthetic veins and the complete and utter single ideation of causing pain to whomever did this...this is new. “Can you track him still?” 

Pinched eyes, a shaky nod, and a prismatic cloud confirms the question. Not wanting to pressure their son more than he, no doubt, is already doing to himself, Vision directs his attention to Wanda, recognizing the same fury in the serious scowl on her face and he does a less than admirable job of remaining calm when he assures her, “We will get him back.” 

 “I think…” Billy’s neck cranes to the right as if he’s trying to peer around a corner, “I found him.” 

The strain in his voice kick starts Wanda out of her seething and into action, “Let me help.” Scarlet twines its way through Billy’s electric blue seeing glass, seeming to clarify the situation even if Vision stands helplessly blind next to them. “Vizh,” he snaps to attention, taking in every piece of information and constructing a mental diagram of the situation, “there’re six armed guards,” Vision’s fingers curl into a tight fist at the number, “two holding him, two flanking those, and two in the back near the door.” The people are added to his schematic. “It’s a small room.” 

“Looks like an operating room.” 

Billy’s addition is helpful and causes Vision’s body to become denser, his feet burying in the sand as his mind churns through the tactical options instead of getting mired in what might befall Tommy if they do not hurry. “Billy, you are going to portal us there. Let your mother and I eradicate the targets.” 

Only the surprised warning in Wanda’s, “Vision” alerts him to his harsh vocabulary. 

“I mean we will subdue and neutralize the targets.”  

Billy doesn’t care about the terminology, still focused on his connection to his twin. “What should I do?” 

It is tempting to tell him to remain here, safe on the beach, but if all Vision feels is a need for retribution, he imagines Billy’s own feelings are similar and being sidelined will only increase his worry. “You get your brother.” With a hand on each of their shoulders, Vision draws them in for a pre-fight huddle. “The most important thing is to get Tommy back safely.” Synchronized nods confirm the obvious goal. “The second most important outcome is that we make these individuals rue the day they decided to target the Maximoff family.” Battle ready smiles meet his words, all of them ready to tear the world apart if that’s what it comes down to. “Let’s get your brother.”

 -------------------------------------- 

 Tommy is pissed. For one thing, mom and dad are never going to trust them alone again and that’s utter crap because it’s not his fault some shady ass organization was apparently creeping on him and waiting for him to be alone. He was even following dad’s stupid running route of highest visibility to cars and he was wearing the even more idiotic reflective vest because he was damned if he ruined their earned freedom. It is going to be so vindicating to inform dad that the vest gave his position away.   

Another point of annoyance is that these assholes used some sort of electrified net to catch him and it hurt like hell and they somehow have restraints that can withstand his powers. This was clearly well planned and that is a little flattering but mainly it’s infuriating. “Do you assholes know who I am?” Of course they do, but clearly they haven’t much thought through what kidnapping him would mean for their own well-being.  

The guard to his right doesn’t directly acknowledge the comment, instead asking her superior, “Can we please gag him?” 

Good, he’s glad his charming banter is annoying them. “You all are so fucked once they get here.” 

The superior also pretends like he’s not talking. “Get him on the table and sedate him.” Great. “He won’t remember anything once we’re done.” Not ominous at all.  

“Do you have to get training for how to be a villain?” He’d really, desperately like to speed away now, but not even vibrating his molecules is working on these shackles, so he needs to take the Stark approved quippy distraction strategy. “Because the delivery of the threat was a bit halfhearted. I’m not even scared.” A lie but they don’t know that (hopefully).  

The two guards gripping his arms drag him to the middle of the room where there’s the stereotypical solitary operating table with leather straps and a blinding fluorescent light above it (does someone make their living doing interior decorating for bad guys? If they do, they suck at it because this is drab and uninspired). Tommy resists as best he can, flopping his body in the opposite direction of their tugging all while sending out a mental SOS. Truthfully he doesn’t really understand Billy or mom’s telepathy, he just knows one of them always shows up eventually when he thinks about wanting company. And he really wants them here right now.  

A taser is rammed into his back and he crumples forward with an irate, “Assholes.”  

Almost giddily they strap him onto the table, the leader grinning down at him through the military grade face shield. “Halfhearted or not, you’re ours now.” 

“What does that even mean?” The man moves away without even the decency to shrug, radioing to someone that the subject is subdued and ready for the procedure which Tommy is most certainly not ready for whatever they plan to do and so he squeezes his eyes shut and sends out a very, he thinks, clear cry for help.  

When he receives an answer in the form of a thought dropped deep into his brain, one that says  We’re almost there , Tommy knows he should play it cool, bemoan the fate he is about to befall and rub the egos of the sadistic bastards around him, but he can’t help himself, turning to the guard tightening the strap across his chest, “You are fucked.” He turns his head towards the other guard, “You’re fucked too.” And then he just channels Oprah herself and spreads it to everyone. “And you’re fucked, and you’re fucked, and you’re fucked.” A shimmering portal opens up on the far wall right next to one of the door guards, to whom he shouts, “And you are most definitely fucked.” Before the promise is fully out the guard is pulled through the portal with a strangled scream, the wall closing up milliseconds before the others in the room turn towards the noise.  

Mr. You’re Ours Now glares at Tommy and then instructs the rest of the room. “Orders are shoot to kill, do you copy?”  

“Affirmative,” answers the guard next to him.  

That’s how this is going to go? Well then a very sarcastic, “Good luck” to them.  

Luck is not on their side because another portal opens and the second door guard is pulled through, dad phasing through the man’s body and solidifying just in time to punch another guard so hard it shatters their visor. Shit.  

The room erupts in chaos, a scarlet mist descending around them, the guards try to shoot but their guns are ripped out of their hands. And then there’s dad’s vibranium gleaming as he phases in and out of mom’s carefully crafted cover, the frantic and pained screams of the guards echoing as they fall, and this, this is how you do drama because if Tommy wasn’t the one being rescued, he’d be praying to whatever god might take mercy on his soul. “You okay?” Billy’s voice cracks with concern which is just really sweet.  

“Took you long enough.” 

And the concern is gone, “I was doing the responsible thing and getting backup.” 

He should be gracious right now because he is actually thankful but, “I don’t think you can call it backup when they’re the ones doing all the work.” 

There’s the steely gaze Billy’s perfected, “Do you want to be rescued or not?” 

“Thomas,” dad hovers beside him now, the transformation of his terrifying rage into fatherly concern contorting his features into a mildly upsetting scowl. “Are you injured?”  

It’s not often he’s the absolute center of attention and if he were to lay it on a bit thick it would be wholly understandable because he was the one who was rudely kidnapped, but he also has never seen his family this worried before so he defers to downplaying the experience. “Just a bit sore,” while also being truthful, “They electrocuted me a few times.” 

Finally, someone removes the straps and then dad breaks the constraints around his ankles, allowing him to blissfully stretch and shake out his muscles. Billy helps him sit up and the sight he’s met with is unexpected. “Why are you in a speedo?” To be fair, mom is in a beach cover and Billy’s in pajamas, but at least they’re clothed.  

“Um,” it seems the choice of clothing skipped dad’s mind, his hands running haltingly over his bare chest, “it was a tactical choice meant to bewilder and divert attention.” 

Scary, rage filled dad is gone and replaced with the normal, dry humored and dorky one, a fact that comforts Tommy far more than he’d ever admit out loud. “Sam’s never taught us about the tactical speedo.” 

Dad’s shoulders rise up a half inch and then fall with grace, “It is an advanced skill meant only for the most stalwart of Avengers.”

Which would be more believable (still not close to it, but marginally more so) if he didn’t instantly morph into his uniform when the door opened and the rest of the Avengers came inside, dressed and ready for battle. 

Mom directs them, “Vision has downloaded the schematics and files and will share them with you.” A chorus of chimes indicates the message has been delivered. “If you don’t mind,” mom wraps her arm around Tommy’s shoulder, easing him off the bed and helping steady him with her powers, “we’re going to leave the rest to you all.” 

Sam’s, “We got it covered,” absolves them of any responsibility in taking down the rest of whatever shady organization this is.

Even though Tommy would love to be part of an actual Avenger’s mission, he’s okay with sitting this one out…for the most part because as they walk towards Billy’s portal, Tommy shimmies free of his family’s helping hands long enough to stare smugly down at the broken nose of the leader of the assholes, “Told you you were fucked.” And then they leave, certain that the message was loudly received: no one messes with the Maximoffs.  

Summary: Raditz loses his mate when Planet Vegeta is destroyed and finds himself working alongside Prince Vegeta. When he comes to Earth to recruit his brother, he’s dealt another devastating blow when Goku refuses to join and leaves him near death. He’s found by a human and attempts to adapt to life on Earth.

Ch.1 - Ch.2

Chapter 3

Raditz

Raditz stared back at you with murderous intent. A human questioning his worth? That was something he could not stand for.

But as you went back to tending to his wounds, not disgusted or berating him further, something occurred to him. Humans were weak, that much was obvious. But the weaker ones weren't cast aside as nothing. In the very short time he spent in West City before tracking down Kakarot, he saw it first hand. The weak were not treated as less and the strong as more.

His eyes trailed down your body, fully taking in your appearance for the first time. He found you pretty, for a weak human, anyway.

He did feel slightly bad about destroying your house but your attitude made him not care as much as he should've.

"Sorry about going off on you," you finally spoke, as if you were reading his mind. His brow furrowed, curious if you really were a mind reader.

He arrived on Earth with very little information about it's inhabitants. For all he knew, that's exactly what you were, a mind reader and all of his deeply guarded secrets were wide open for you to invade.

After you finished patching him up, he watched as you examined all of the damage the crash had caused. Your entire bedroom was gone, replaced by his pod. The bathroom across the hall was salvageable but still a disaster. Half of the kitchen was collapsing but, luckily it was the side opposite the major appliances. Overall, the damage could've been much, much worse.

"Hey, Raditz, can you lend a hand? I need to get this at least partially closed up before the storms start tonight," you called from the kitchen.

Raditz reluctantly agreed, at least it would distract him. He helped close up the open spots in the walls with tarps and plastic sheeting from the shed. It wasn't perfect but it would keep most of the rain out.

"I guess we're leaving the pod here for now," you said, examining what was essentially a UFO.

Raditz watched you take in every detail of the pod you could while you circled around it. For him, there was nothing extraordinary about it because he was used to seeing them and traveling in them only when absolutely necessary. But to you, he imagined it was something quite remarkable based on the childlike wonder you displayed while you ran your fingers along the edge of the door.

He held his hand up to a scanner to the left and the locks disengaged. The door slowly lifted revealing the inside.

"Okay, totally thought that was just a window," you admitted before stepping forward to take a peek inside.

"It's very small compared to the other transports we have... had on our planet," he corrected himself without considering the ramifications. All he could do was hope you didn't catch it.

Right when you turned your attention to him, he braced himself for a marathon of questions. But they never came. You merely looked at him with an expression he wasn't entirely familiar with. You seemed... sad. But that couldn't be right unless you really were a mind reader.

"Do you mind if I check out the inside?" You asked, turning your head back to the pod.

"Don't press any buttons." His tail uncoiled from his waist and moved slowly back and forth behind him while he watched you explore. He tried to keep his mind as clear as possible in case you were listening in.

When you sat down in the plush seat, you looked up at him and immediately screamed when you saw the furry brown appendage. His tail puffed up and whipped around wildly.

"What!?" Raditz looked around for whatever threat nearby that made you let out that god awful sound.

"Is that a tail? I thought it was some kind of ridiculous furry belt." You took a deep breath and calmed your nerves while his tail went back to it's normal amount of floof.

"A furry belt... why would I wear something like that?" He asked, puzzled by the odd assumption.

"Dude, you're wearing a battle speedo, a furry belt is not that far out of the realm of possibility."

"A battle speedo? Are you still speaking this planet's language?" He asked, brow furrowed while his tail darted back and forth.

"It's called English, it’s not the only language here, and yes, I'm still speaking it. That little piece of spandex covering your... " you trailed off and gestured towards the middle of his body, "that whole area is pretty much a speedo and you said you're a warrior. It is, therefore, a battle speedo," you explained.

"Step away from my pod, you can't be trusted if your mind conjures up those sorts of ridiculous things," he chided, ready to close his pod up and ban you from it for making a joke about the remainder of his Saiyan clothing.

"Whatever, big guy. I need to call the insurance company and get screwed over on this claim anyway." You brushed past him to the living room and made yourself comfortable on the couch.

By the time you got off the phone, you were seething. It turned out there was no fine print in your insurance premium about losing part of your house to a space pod. Most of what you were saying went over his head. He had no idea what insurance premiums were and considering the way you were acting about it, he didn’t care to find out.

"This is perfect, I have no idea where I'm going to sleep or how the hell I'm going to fix this." You crouched and leaned against the pod. Fighting off anxiety was a lot more difficult than it should've been. It had a way of swallowing a person whole and plunging them into darkness.

Going against everything his own brain was screaming at him, he sighed, "you can sleep in my pod."

"Thanks, but where are you gonna sleep?" You asked, looking down at the shredded hunk of springs and memory foam that used to be your bed.

"In my pod, obviously. You're not foolish enough to think I'd leave you alone in there, are you?"

"Come again?" You asked, eyebrows raised as you regarded him.

"It's just sleeping, human. What's the problem?"

"Sleeping next to random strangers you found in a field isn't exactly safe for females here."

"It's cowardly to attack while someone is asleep or unable to defend themselves." He felt a twinge of guilt saying that, he wasn't afraid to fight dirty if the situation called for it.

"I guess if you were going to hurt me you would've done it by now. It's not like I could fight you off, even injured." You stood and looked around for something to keep you occupied before the stress did you in.

The sun lowering in the distance turned the sky into a tapestry of pink and orange. Raditz was sore from his rib injury but he was still determined to keep himself distracted by helping you move some of the bigger things in your house. He wasn't sure what compelled him to do it. He had zero interest in befriending humans, you were no exception.

Sometime after midnight, Raditz retired to his pod. You opted to give the couch a try and see if it could work as a bed for the time being.

He climbed in his pod and engaged the locks. It was far too soon to be back in the cramped space but it was at least a piece of home. The only piece he really had left. His armor was broken along with his body and he was stranded on a planet meant to be a quick stop on his journey.

Everything changed so drastically in such a short amount of time that he barely had a moment to process all that he lost when Planet Vegeta was destroyed.

His chest ached when memories of her played through his head. That was the biggest question that needed answering. How was he supposed to continue without his mate? Their bond was stronger than it had ever been last time he saw her. And then she was just gone, dust spread among the space in which his home planet used to reside.

A tap on the door was a welcome reprieve from the thoughts that haunted him. He blindly hit the side panel to open the door for you.

"So, I'm terrified the roof is gonna collapse on my ass," you announced. Without a word, Raditz scooted as far to the left as he could and put his massive hand out to help you climb in. The two of you kept your eyes on one another as he pulled you in to settle next to him.

The same expression from earlier returned to your face. You looked at him as if you could see past all of the bullshit and right into his mind. But it was more than that and it finally clicked in his stubborn head. You weren't reading his mind at all. You recognized his overwhelming sadness because it was in you too.

Hottest Spot South of Havana (Part 2)

A/N #1: Part 2 is here! It’s finally time for the beach! Inspired by the B prompt of this challenge. The song that inspired part of this fic is “Itsi bitsi, petit bikini” by Dalida. You can find Alice’s outfit HERE. (Part 1 is HERE.)

The next morning, the group sat together at the hotel’s restaurant for breakfast. Charlie was sitting next to Alice and giving his cereal bowl all of his attention.

“What’s up with Charlie?” whispered Penny to Andre.

“Eh, he’s angry because I told Diego what he did with Alice last summer. Well, more like confirmed than told, since Charlie’s red face was a pretty big giveaway. Was Alice angry that you talked about it?”

“Mostly embarrassed. Didn’t have time to get angry as we had to figure out who would sleep where. We didn’t want Tulip and Tonks sleeping in the same room, but neither of us wanted to sleep with Tonks because we still have nightmares of that time she transformed into Filch while asleep.”

“What did you do then?”

“Confiscated Tulip’s dungbombs, told them if they did anything stupid, we would send them back to London, and Alice and I took the bedroom.”

“Lucky you, Charlie…” started saying Andre.

“Who gave Tonks coffee?!” said Alice, staring at the pink-haired girl in front of her.

“I ordered it myself,” said Tonks, raising an eyebrow from behind her cup.

“Great. We’ll be dealing with hyper Tonks,” said Penny, letting out a sigh as she rolled her eyes.

“Well, it’s a good thing we are going to the beach today, then,” said Diego, wrapping an arm around Penny’s shoulders.

“Oh! Alice! You can wear that swimsuit I made for you!” exclaimed Andre, clapping his hands together as Penny pushed Diego off his chair.

“I… hum… sure,” said Alice, staring at her pão de queijo crumbs, her cheeks becoming a light shade of pink.

“Andre made you a swimsuit? Oh! I can’t wait to see it! Come on, let’s go and get changed!” exclaimed Penny, dragging her friend by the arm.

“I didn’t have time to finish my orange juice!” Alice was heard saying.

“Wait… If we are going to the beach, that means we’ll get to see the guys in their swim trunks,” said Tulip, wiggling her eyebrows as she looked at the guys around the table.

“Meh, I’ve seen most of them at the Burrows. Not that impressive,” said Tonks, shrugging as she got up. “At least you’ll be able to take Dennis out for a walk.”

Tulip shot up from her chair, “Oh! You’re right!”

The last two girls having left the table, the guys quickly finished eating and headed to their room to change.

About thirty minutes later, they were on the beach of Copacabana, in an area reserved for hotel guests. Charlie and Barnaby were wearing trunks in their house colours, while Andre was wearing a purple one. Diego, on the other hand, was wearing bright yellow Speedo swim briefs.

“Why is Diego in his underwear?” asked Barnaby.

“No, it’s a… style of swimsuit. Doesn’t suit everyone, but Diego pulls it off. Kinda. Anyway, he’s clearly not the only one wearing that kind of swimwear,” explained Andre, looking over his sunglasses at all the men on the beach wearing swim briefs like Diego. 

“Not surprising Diego would leave little to the imagination,” said Tonks as she arrived with Tulip, who was carrying her toad in her hands.

“Hey! Took you long enough,” said Andre, turning around as Tonks and Tulip placed their towels on the sand.

“Not our fault we share a room with the Headgirl and her enforcer,” said Tulip as she carefully placed Dennis on the sand. “They made sure we had put on sunscreen, that we were wearing some clothes over our swimsuits to get to the beach, that I didn’t have any dungbombs… The only reason we were able to get out is that Penny turned her attention to Alice and her bikini.”

“Wait… Alice will be wearing a bikini?” asked Charlie, his eyes wide.

“Don’t make that face, Dragon Boy. You’ve seen her in way less,” said Tonks, smirking as she removed the shorts over her yellow one-piece swimsuit.

“I hate my life,” grumbled Charlie, holding his head.

“Aw, come one, we’re only teasing, mate,” said Andre, patting his friend’s back. “But we’ll stop. It’s a moment that should remain between you and Alice.”

“Thanks,” said Charlie, looking gratefully at Andre.

“Oh! I think I see Penny and Alice!” said Barnaby as he sat on the sand, building a sandcastle.

Penny and Alice made their way to the group. Penny was wearing an orange bandeau bikini, jean shorts hiding the bottom half. She held a t-shirt in one hand, and a beach bag in the other. Following behind her was Alice, wearing denim overall shorts covering her swimsuit, the only part visible being the pastel puff sleeves.

“Wow, Alice really doesn’t want us to see her bikini. She’s wearing a puff-sleeved top over it,” said Tonks.

“Oh, no. Those puff sleeves are part of the swimsuit. It was how I got her to accept to wear a bikini. She told me she would not wear, and I quote, ‘an itsy bitsy teenie weenie tout petit, petit bikini,’” explained Andre as the two girls arrived next to them.

“What is Diego doing?” asked Penny, raising her sunglasses to the top of her head to look at Diego, who was now flexing in front of giggling local girls. 

“He’s just being Diego,” said Alice as she sat next to Charlie on his beach towel, placing her towel, as well as her bag, on it.

“So, are we going to see that bikini of yours? Or are you planning to go swim with your denim overalls?” asked Tonks.

“She looks absolutely adorable in it,” gushed Penny.

“Ugh, fine,” grumbled Alice, undoing the buckle loops holding the straps as she stood up. 

Her overalls pooled at her feet, revealing her bikini. It was made of a fabric with a pastel scenic tropical print. The top was a bandeau with puff sleeves and a tie at the back. The briefs were between low-rise and high-rise. 

“Alice… you look stunning,” said Charlie as he looked up at his girlfriend.

“You really think so?” she asked, lowering her white oval-framed sunglasses down her nose, to which Charlie nodded.

“Ok, you two lovebirds. Cut it out,” said Tulip, holding a little leash. “Unless you want us to remind you that we know what you did last summer.”

“Tulip,” said Andre through gritted teeth.

“I know, I know. But they are so sickenly sweet, I feel like we’re all third-wheeling on their honeymoon or something,” replied Tulip.

“Coming here for your honeymoon would be so romantic,” said Penny, sighing as she laid down on her towel. “Maybe these two will honeymoon here someday.”

At these words, Alice and Charlie stared at Penny before staring at each other. 

“Barnaby, need any help with your sandcastle?” said Charlie as he scooted toward his Slytherin friend.

“Tulip, Tonks, want to take a walk on the beach with Dennis?” suggested Alice as she linked her arms with her two friends’ arms.

“What the hell did I say?” asked Penny as she watched Alice walking away.

“You talked about marriage to two seventeen-year-olds,” said Andre as he laid down next to her.

“Charlie is eighteen and come on! As if Charlie won’t propose by the end of the year.”

“They are teenagers. It’s a bit young to settle into wedded bliss. Not to mention they’ve only been dating for like a year and a half.”

“So? These two are perfect for each other. And even if they don’t marry straight after Hogwarts, they’ll still probably end up marrying each other.”

“Maybe,” said Andre, glancing between Charlie and Alice. “But we don’t know what the future holds.”

“Look at you, being all philosophical.”

“Meh, it’s just the reaction they had tells me they are clearly not at that stage in their relationship. Now, stop meddling in other people’s love life, and look at all the guys in Speedos.”

An hour later, Alice, Tonks, and Tulip returned from their walk. Barnaby and Charlie had completed their sandcastle, which included what looked like a dragon next to it. 

“You were gone for a while,” pointed out Barnaby.

“We went all the way to Leme Beach. Dennis was so happy to breathe in some fresh air finally,” said Tulip.

“I’m starving,” whispered Alice, holding her stomach. “I’m thirsty.”

“I think they sell some food in the kiosks over there,” said Charlie pointing at the kiosks close to the street.

“We can go get lunch for everyone,” suggested Barnaby.

“That would be really nice of you,” said Alice with a gentle smile.

Barnaby blushed before grabbing Charlie by the wrist, “Let’s get the food!”

Alice looked at the two boys walking away, her eyebrows raised, but Diego appeared before she could say anything. “Where the hell were you?”

“Flirting with some chicas,” replied Diego, grinning.

“I will put dungbombs in your shampoo if you say ‘chica’ again,” said Tonks, shivering.

“Sorry, I mean, ladies.”

“You manage even to make that word sound creepy,” replied Tonks.

“Wait, you speak Portuguese now?” asked Alice.

“Hmmm? No, no. The girls were tourists from Argentina. Very charming ladies. They even told me of a place we could eat dinner. An Italian restaurant not too far from the hotel. They also gave me an idea of a place to visit tomorrow. By the way, where’s Charlie?” asked Diego, looking around.

“He went with Barnaby to buy us lunch, why?” replied Alice, pointing toward the kiosk where Barnaby and Charlie could be seen standing in line.

“I’ll go and help them,” simply replied Diego before walking away.

Alice stood there, watching the Hufflepuff boy with her brows furrowed. “Curiouser and curiouser, ” she said, removing her straw fedora to fan herself. “Good grief, it’s hot.”

“Hey, Alice?” said Tulip.

“Mmm?”

“Did Penny forget to put sunscreen on her face?”

Alice looked at Penny and Andre, who had fallen asleep on their towels. Penny’s face was a bright shade of red. 

“It does seem like it. I think she was so gung ho about getting me to wear my bikini, she forgot,” said Alice, before kneeling next to Penny. “Oi! Penny!”

Penny’s eyes flickered open before her face contorted into a grimace. “Ow! My face hurts!”

“You got a big sunburn on your face,” pointed out Andre as he woke up.

“What?!”

“Here, take this,” said Alice, handing her a small jar. “It’s an ointment my grandmother makes. It works against sunburns.”

“Thanks,” said Penny as she started to apply the ointment to her face.

A few moments later, Diego, Charlie, and Barnaby returned with food and water.

“What happened to Penny’s face?” asked Barnaby, holding water bottles, as he saw Penny’s face covered in a white cream.

“The sun made her blush,” said Tulip.

“Huh?” said Barnaby, confused.

“Sunburn. She got a sunburn, and I gave her something to treat it,” explained Alice. “Now, can we eat?”

“Here, I got us a beach umbrella,” said Andre as he planted said umbrella in the sand. “They have some available for hotel guests.”

“We should have thought of that sooner,” said Penny, before taking a bite.

After eating, they picked up their trash and disposed of it in the available trash cans. Alice and Charlie wanted to go straight in the water afterwards but were reminded by Penny that they should wait thirty minutes if they didn’t want to have any cramps. Alice decided to help Tulip cover Tonks in the sand while Charlie joined Barnaby and Andre, who were playing with a beach ball. Penny made sure she remained in the shadow of the umbrella, while Diego had gone back to flirting. Once the thirty minutes had passed, they all ran toward the sea, except for Penny, who refused to leave the safety of the umbrella’s shadow, and Diego. 

Charlie went behind Alice and took her in his arms bridal style and started to run further away from the group. Alice had her arm around his neck as to not fall, but it was in vain. Charlie tripped in the sand and dropped her in the water. 

“Alice?” said Charlie as he looked around, the Ravenclaw still underwater.

Alice emerged behind Charlie, a mischievous grin on her face. She wiggled her bum a bit to gain momentum before jumping on his back, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. Charlie stumbled a bit but managed to maintain his balance just as Alice gave him a small peck on his temple.

“Oi! Get a room, you two!” shouted Tonks as their friends caught up to them.

“You’re just jealous,” said Alice, sticking her tongue out from behind Charlie.

“I repeat: I feel like we are a bunch of third-wheels on your couple’s vacation,” said Tulip as Alice got off Charlie’s back.

“Aww, come on. We’re all here because Alanza invited us,” replied Alice, splashing some water in Tulip’s direction.

“Speaking of Alanza, when are we going to see her?” asked Barnaby.

“Ooooh, Barnaby wants to see Alanza!” said Tonks in a sing-song voice.

“Barnaby and Alanza sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G,” sang Tulip.

“Cut it out, you two,” said Alice, splashing her two friends as Barnaby’s cheek turned pink. “Anyway, she’s supposed to meet up with us tomorrow.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop talking about Barnanza,” said Tonks, raising her hands in defeat.

“Barnanza?” asked Andre.

“Couple’s name we gave Barnaby and Alanza,” explained Tulip.

“We are not even a couple,” protested Barnaby.

“Oh, but, you will…” started saying Tonks before being interrupted by a beach ball thrown at her face. “Beaumont! That’s a declaration of war!”

“Bring it on, Nymphadora!”

And so, they started throwing the ball at each other as hard as they could, trying to make the others lose their balance. It lasted for some time until the girls decided to climb on the guys’ shoulders to fight each other: Alice on Charlie, Tulip on Barnaby, and Tonks on Andre. The Ravenclaw-Slytherin pair fell pretty quickly, probably because the other two teams ganged up on them. Tulip and Barnaby stood in the water, watching their friends face off.

“I’m gonna take you down like I took down your Mario,” said Tonks, arms raised, preparing to strike.

“So you admit it! You killed my Mario on purpose! Murderer! I will avenge him,” exclaimed Alice, reflecting Tonk’s position.

“What are they talking about?” asked Charlie, glancing up at the two girls.

“No idea, but let's see if you are as hot in the water as you are on a broom,” said Andre, tightening his grip on Tonks’ legs.

“Oh! It’s on Egwu!” said Charlie, holding on to Alice’s legs.

The two teams stared at each other, slowly turning as if waiting for the right moment to attack. Tulip observed with excitement, biting her lower lip, while Barnaby hid his face behind his hands, peeking between his fingers.

“Tickle attack!” exclaimed Tonks as her hands quickly reached Alice’s waist and started tickling her.

Alice started to wiggle and kick her legs as she laughed, making Charlie lose his balance. They fell backward into the water with a big splash.

“Cheater!” exclaimed Alice as she emerged.

“Not my fault you’re ticklish, and I know it,” said Tonks as she shook her hands in victory above her head.

“Turns out, you’re not good at everything,” said Andre as he watched Charlie comb back his wet hair.

“I ask for a rematch,” said Charlie as he helped Alice get back on her feet.

“As the song says, ‘We are the champions, no time for losers,’” said Tulip as she followed Barnaby, Tonks, and Andre out of the water.

“I’m pretty sure some seawater went up my nose,” said Alice as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

“Same. Let’s get dried up before we have to head back to the hotel,” said Charlie, holding her hand as they slowly walked to join the others.

Tonks was walking around Penny, flexing and saying how she was invincible for defeating the Curse-Breaker. Tulip accompanied Tonks’ exaggerated tale with well placed oohs and aahs, while Andre frowned every time Tonks referred to him as “her noble steed.”

Alice sat between Charlie’s legs as he wrapped them in a beach towel while listening to Tonks’ story.

“Who knew she could come up with such an elaborate story for something that lasted like five seconds. She makes it sound like she slew a dragon,” said Alice.

“Well, you can be just as fearsome as a dragon,” replied Charlie before kissing the back of her head. 

“Coming from you, I’ll take that as a compliment,” she said, smirking as she leaned back so that her head would rest on his chest.

Andre, who had stopped listening to Tonks’ tall tale, saw someone coming over that made his eyes go wide. “Does Diego have a girl on each arm, or am I having a heatstroke?”

“He does seem to have two girls with him,” said Barnaby, who was back at making a sandcastle.

“And they are holding onto his arms,” observed Tulip.

“Welp, there’s no denying Diego’s got game,” said Penny.

“He still creeps me out,” grumbled Tonks.

“Should we tell him we’re about to head back to the hotel to change before dinner?” asked Charlie.

“Nah, let him enjoy his moment,” said Alice as they all looked at Diego walking past them, proud as a peacock.

A/N #2: Fic #1 of the Brazilian series is done! Hope you liked it! Where is the gang going to go next? Find out in fic #2 (that I still need to write...)! Feel free to leave comments.

Three-Leafed Chaos

Chapter 3/4

Warning: beach shenanigans

"Yami!!! I have bad news!!! Oh- Are you doing something super manly out here?" Magna ran around the corner to see his captain at a blacksmithing iron, pounding metal with a hammer. "Whoa! You are!" He ran up to him. "What are you making!"

"A gift," he said, holding up the short weapon. "It's a traditional Tanto knife from my homeland." He admired how the light was already glinting on the metal. "It's a Tree-Leaf day present."

"Ooh! How awesome!" Magna balled up his fists excitedly. "Who are you giving it to? That girl who got drunk last week?"

"She wasn't just some girl, ya idiot. First of all, she's a Royal official. Second of all..." Yami didn't really know what to say. She's not like other girls? No... that didn't sound right. He hadn't spent enough time with her to know exactly what it was he was feeling. But soon, he would. "Anyway, what's this bad news you mentioned?"

"Oh! Right! It's actually about that girl," Magna began. "I was in town with Luck, and we overheard a conversation with that Lion captain! He was told that the Wizard King and his staff were taking the day off at the beach, so he headed off that way immediately! He's going to go try to steal your girl, Yami!"

Now, that caught his attention. "Shit! That's not good..." The beach was the perfect place to get to know someone better outside of work, and he wasn't going to let Fuegoleon have her all to himself! "Take care of things around here, right?" Yami ordered Magna before turning and running off to find a broom and fly to the beach.

This could actually end very well for me... He thought as he flew. Water, sun, sand... and she'll be frolicking around in a skimpy bathing suit for sure. Yeah, this could actually be really good...

As soon as he got to the beach, Yami realized there was a problem. "...fancy seeing you guys here."

Fuegoleon, Nozel, Jack, and Charlotte were all here already, standing around at the edge of a roped off area of beach. A big sign was posted that said "Authorized renters only." Jack sneered at the sight of Yami. "Ka ka, you decided to come for a dip as well?"

"Obviously, he's here for the same reason as all of us," Nozel corrected, scowling at Yami. "Seriously. As if this wasn't going to be hard enough already."

Charlotte clenched her fists but said nothing. Another competitor... I was looking forward to getting her all to myself.

"I told you, you can't come in," the guard argued with Fuegoleon. "This stretch of the beach has been rented for the day. Maybe you're all captains, but I was told not to let unauthorized guests-"

"Hey! Look who it is!"

They all instantly recognized that angelic voice. Yami braced himself, turning to look onto the beach. There she was, running towards them with a smile on her face and one hand extended in a wave. She was wearing a blue one-piece bathing suit. Despite being decidedly modest... it was almost sexier to leave a lot to the imagination.

"Sir, please let these people in!" she told the guard when she reached them, a little out of breath. "I'm sure the Wizard King won't mind."

The guard couldn't be bothered to argue with her and finally stepped aside, letting the five of them in. "It's great to see you guys again! We've been having a really relaxing time so far, we all needed a break from work," she told them.

Yami gulped, trying to think of what to say. I need to make a compliment... before the others do!

But it was too late. Fuegoleon, being the gentleman he was, swooped in and grabbed her hand. "It's great to see you as well... you look stunning in that suit, I must say." To punctuate the compliment, he leaned down and planted a wet kiss on the back of her hand.

She was obviously shocked at the gesture, but became even more shocked when Nozel grabbed her other hand. "The same goes for me... thank you for allowing us to join you, It's an honor." The words sounded much less natural coming from him, but he still leaned down and kissed the hand he held as well. Yami and Jack rolled their eyes. Royalty was really weird sometimes.

"Oh... thank you both!" she finally replied, blushing a little. "Now... would you like something to drink? Also, you should probably change!"

"Change? Into what?"

A few minutes later, the five captains were standing around awkwardly. Charlotte couldn't remember the last time she wore a bathing suit, but now she was... luckily she found a little slip to wear over it, she couldn't stand the thought of having her crush's eyes all over her. And Yami's too...

"Ooh Charlotte! Your skin is so soft and pretty!" Charlotte tensed up as the other girl rubbed her shoulder enthusiastically. "SO pale, too... can I rub lotion on you!? Please!"

"I-I-I-I suppose so-"

It was too late, she had already moved on. "And Fuegoleon!!! You're so well-built! I thought that all Royals were lazy like the King, but both you and Nozel obviously work out!"

Fuegoleon opened and closed his mouth a couple times, aghast. Nozel pursed his lips together, fighting tooth and nail against an oncoming blush. "Er... thank you?"

"And Captain Jack! You're so tall and lean! Are you really flexible?!"

Jack smirked to himself. "You got it, babe." Yami had never heard the man say anything like that. Jack contorted his arms weirdly. It was kind of gross, but his audience was enamored. "Wow! I've never seen someone's arm do that... and..."

She finally turned and looked at Yami, but froze. Yami tried not to smirk; he knew, in the body department, he had everyone here beat. Hook, line, and sinker... he thought to himself as her eyes wandered over his muscles. "...wow... I've never seen someone with so many muscles!" she finally said, clapping her hands a little. "Can I... touch one?"

There we go! Yami thought victoriously, drinking up the angry expressions from the others. "Sure... go right on ahead." He flexed his bicep, earning a gasp of astonishment. However, just as she was about to touch it, a voice interrupted them.

"What the Hell is going on here?!"

Uh oh. They all turned to see none other than Marx, one of the other advisors, marching up to the group with a sour look on his face. "You five! Don't you have work to do?" he demanded, crossing his arms. It was hard to take him seriously while he was wearing swim trunks, but his voice was still severe. "This is a private event you know!"

"Oh, Marx, it's probably fine!" Marx turned to look at his colleague speak. "After all, I'm sure Lord Julius would be fine with it."

Marx shrugged, looking up and down the beach. "By the way, where did that man go..?"

"Hey! Look what I found!"

The voice came from the water, and everyone instantly recognized it. Yami turned to see none other than Julius running out of the water towards them. He was holding something in his hand, but more importantly...

"JULIUS! WHat on earth are you wearing!?" Marx demanded, his voice higher than normal.

The same question was on everyone's minds. Fuegoleon, Jack, and Nozel couldn't look away, while Charlotte looked pointedly at the ground.

"Oh, this ol' thing?" Julius gestured down at the garment. It was basically underwear, leaving nothing to the imagination. "It's a Speedo, apparently they're all the rage these days! Competitive swimmers wear them to reduce drag, and it really helps me move around!" To prove his point (to everyone's horror), he started to do some stretches and lunges, showing off the hideous shorts tan on his thighs. "What do you think?"

Yami let out a loud laugh, thinking it was hilarious. "You really have no shame!"

"I'll say," Marx grumbled. "We're lucky this area is private... what would the public say if they saw their Wizard King running around practically nude?"

"But, what's that creature?" Julius looked over at the girl, who had managed to drag her gaze off of his toned legs and onto the thing in his hand.

He held out his prize with a grin on his face. "I dove underwater and caught it! It's a crab! It keeps pinching me though- YEOUCH!" The crab's claw snapped down on his finger. Julius swore and placed it on the girl's head while he shook off the pain. She simply laughed and pointed at the crab. "Look at that! It's like a crown!"

... what a weird situation.

Still, the objective of the day remained: spend time with this girl and make her fall in love! With the five of them, it wouldn't be easy, especially since Julius kept butting in. His increased maneuverability allowed him to spend ample time bothering everyone, but they did manage to get a few moments alone with the object of their affection. Nozel created a knife out of mercury and cut open a coconut so she could try some of the juice. Fuegoleon created a sand sculpture of her wearing a bikini (which Julius accidentally ended up trampling while he ran around). Jack threw a frisbee around with her for a while, making sure to pause and teach her some of his techniques. Charlotte let her rub lotion on her, and the two collected sea shells while they chatted.

"So... How do you like it? Working in the Castle at Magic Knights HQ?" Charlotte asked.

"Oh! It's more amazing that I ever would have thought." she responded, pausing to pick up a little shell. "I've met so many cool people... and for the first time in my life, I actually feel like I'm doing something important... I've seen for myself how cruel this world can be, but..." She smiled and clasped her hands together, her eyes shining with pride. "I keep getting little reminders that there's still good... even in places you wouldn't expect."

...wow. She's so earnest about all this, it's refreshing. Charlotte was used to nobles talking about their "duty" and their "importance" and whatnot, while they just did what they always did and preyed on those weaker than them. Yet, there was this girl, just a former peasant, who's words dripped with honesty. I like people like this... people who don't try to hide their true selves. The one to win her heart will be me!

"That sounds nice... I'm truly happy that you ended up in such a position. It seems like the perfect place for you," Charlotte responded with a genuine smile. "You got to meet all of the Captains, right? Not just the five of us here... Did you have any favorites?"

"Favorites?" she laughed nervously. "Well, I would like to say you, Charlotte, but I don't want to seem biased, you know!"

A soft blush appeared on Charlotte's cheeks, but her crush kept talking before she could respond. "They were all interesting in their own ways! Captain Unsworth was so sweet and cheery. We were like Kindred spirits!"

Kindred spirits!? That's exactly what Dorothy said! AAAA, maybe they are on the same wavelength!

"And Captain Poizot was so tall and noble! Oh, and Fuegoleon and Nozel! It's hard to guess that they're related, they're so different! But I liked both of them."

Eek! She even liked Gueldre?!? I can't lose her to a man, I just can't!

"And Captain Yami... he was a bit strange, but he's so muscular! I've never seen anyone with a body like that!"

Charlotte was nearly at her limit by now. So, she quickly changed the subject. I need answers... today's my only chance! "Say, I heard that Three-Leaf day is in a week," Charlotte mentioned nonchalantly. "The Kingdom is in a frenzy over it... do you think you'll give anyone a gift? Or, do you think you'll get something from someone?"

Yes!!! This way I can find out if she likes anyone!

"Hmm..." she tapped her chin thoughtfully. ...cute. "Well, I suppose I'll get some gifts for my coworkers. They're all so nice to me even though I was a servant before. Marx deserves something nice, he works so hard! As for me..." she let out a sigh and let her gaze wander. "...I doubt I will receive anything from the person I like."

...."the person I like."

!!!

So she does like someone!! It took everything in Charlotte's power to keep from shaking the poor girl down. Calm down! She probably doesn't mean me after all... but I still want to keep trying! "Oh, I suppose I will get a gift for Lord Julius. He's been so kind to me, after all. I think I'll ask for faith in return... there's nothing better to have than the Wizard King's faith, after all!"

Charlotte wasn't even listening at this point. She opened her mouth, not sure what she was about to say, but was cut off by a scream from the water.

"Help!!! I'm drowning!!"

Their heads snapped to look at the noise. It was one of Julius's staff members, a short man, who was flailing around gulping down water many meters off shore. Charlotte gasped. "Oh no! Is there a lifeguard?"

"We don't need a lifeguard!" Charlotte looked down just in time to see the girl go sprinting off down towards the surf, raising her hands. Instantly, with just a flick of her fingers, a slice of water disappeared from the ocean, a path leading to the drowning man. With an oof, he plopped down onto the sandy seabed, traumatized but alive. She ran down the strip of the parted sea, grabbed him by the wrist, and dragged him up to safety.

Yami let out a low whistle as he stood with the other guys, watching. "Wow... she did that so quickly."

"And without her Grimoire, too," Nozel added. "She's truly... special."

"Ka ka, that's the kind of woman I like," Jack said, pointing at her as she consoled the victim. "Quick to act, and competent... you don't come across them every day."

"I'll say." Fuegoleon crossed his arms. "I like a woman who can take care of herself." He remembered how quickly she defended herself on the mission.

"It's not just that she's strong, she's also... so authentic," Charlotte added timidly, drawing the others' gazes. "I mean... she told me that she used to be a servant in the King's service, until Lord Julius found her. She's seen the worst that we have to offer, yet she still hopes for the best in everyone. She's not trying to pretend. She wants to help everyone, and..." her voice trailed off. "...love everyone."

Yami blinked, impressed. Hmm... that sounds like someone else I know.

"Wow!!! That was amazing!!! You can even dehydrate the sea?!?! I've never seen anything like it!!" Julius had appeared out of nowhere and was practically vibrating with excitement. "Here... you deserve this!" He pulled out a gold star and handed it to his eager advisor.

"Hey! Old man!" Julius turned to see Yami stomping over, angry. "I thought Stars were only for Magic Knights? You can't just hand them out like that!"

"I'm the Wizard King, Yami, I can do what I want. And- er-" Julius laughed nervously. "Old?"

Yami rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Come on." He grabbed the girl's hand. "I'm going to teach you how to fish."

The afternoon was getting to it's end as Yami expertly baited the fishing hook, watched with eager eyes. "That's really cool... are you sure I'll be able to do it?" 

"Sure. Here." Without any warning, Yami placed the pole in her hand and grabbed her by the waist, turning her around to face the sea. She let out a small sound of surprise at his strength, instantly blushing. "Here... just like this..." Yami gently took her wrist, guiding her movements. "Ready... go!"

With his help, she flung the pole forward, letting the hook sail through the air and plop into the water a few meters away. "There... that was a good cast."

"Really?" She beamed with pride. "Thank you, Yami!"

Yami felt his heart clench at the sight of her smile. It almost hurt, seeing her so happy... so happy that he was taking the time to teach her something. Yikes... I need to be careful. Something like this is so easily compromising me? He looked away to gaze at the sea. He still wasn't sure what exactly it was about her that he liked, other than her obvious good looks. She got excited about everything, something Yami couldn't be bothered to do himself. Maybe that was it... she couldn't be more than a few years younger than he was, yet she was so much more lively and optimistic... maybe I don't just want her. I need her.

"Yami! Yami! I got one!" She started to desperately reel in the line as something large tugged at the hook. "Ah! It's strong!"

Yami quickly helped her, letting her do the reeling while he steadied the pole. "That's it... just a little longer..."

With one last harsh tug, she ripped the fish out of the water and sent it sailing onto land, where it flopped around pathetically. She squealed with delight. "Yami! It's a shark! I caught a shark!"

Indeed, it was a shark. Yami winced as she just went ahead and picked it up. It's jaws snapped, but there was no way it could bite her from its position. "Wow... your first time fishing, and you catch a shark? I wonder if that's a good omen..." He raised his gaze back to her face, seeing how she was smiling up at him again. ...maybe I should say something... I'll tell her that seeing her so happy makes me happy? No... just say that she has a beautiful smile-

She spun around gleefully once with the shark before cupping her hand in her mouth. "Lord Julius! Come look at this!!!" she yelled.

Yami winced at her words. "Wait, there's something I wanted to-"

Julius was already sprinting over at the sound of her voice. "Ah! What on earth- you caught that?!" Julius's eyes were nearly bulging out of his head. "That was swimming around out there... when I was?" He eyed the shark's sharp teeth.

"No, they really only come close to shore at night," Yami explained bluntly, a little annoyed that his advances had been snuffed out before they began. "Here, give me the shark, I'll boil it down and make shark soup for dinner tonight."

The girl blinked, taking in his words. "...boil it?" she said slowly. She looked down at the shark, then back up at Yami, then at the shark, then at Yami...

Uh oh.

Then she burst into tears.

"I-I- I'm sorry Yami! I don't want it to die! It's such a b-beautiful shark, and so elegant and strong, I couldn't possibly eat it! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Yami had no idea how to deal with a crying woman and started to panic. "Ah- er- hey, quit crying! It's fine, don't worry about-"

He suddenly realized that Julius was glaring at him uncharacteristically. "Look what you did, Yami! Making her cry? You're not going to make her eat this shark, are you?"

Hey! Stop making this worse! Yami thought to himself. "NO! I mean-" He turned back to her. "Hey, calm down, I was joking, alright? We can release the shark."

She sniffed but stopped crying. "...oh..." She even laughed a little. "A joke? I see... sorry, I didn't mean to break down like that..."

"It's fine. Here." He pointed at the ocean. "Why don't you let it go."

The shark squirmed out of her hands the moment she lowered it into the water, streaking off into the depths. She sighed and straightened up before turning to the two men behind her. "Thanks for teaching me how to fish, Yami! I'm going to go get some ice cream!"

... she looks very beautiful in the sunset.

With one last wave, she ran off down the beach, two pairs of eyes following her. Yami sighed heavily, then heard Julius chuckle. "You really aren't very tactful, Yami."

"Hmm? What would you know about that?" Yami asked, eyeing the older man suspiciously.

Julius just smiled cryptically. "Five people, all going after the same girl..." He shook his head a little. Yami didn't know why Julius knew about that, but then again, Julius knew about everything. Despite being a pain, Yami respected the man, and if he had any advice, he wanted to hear it. "Be careful not to get too caught up in the game. There's no guarantee that she'll pick any of you, come Three-Leaf day." 

... he's right. She might be happier alone than with any of us. "You're going to have to really impress her. But I'm sure you'll do something interesting!" Julius started to walk away, raising his hand in a simple goodbye. "See you, Yami. Or would you like to get some ice cream, too?"

Yami blinked, thinking about his advice. That's right, I need to knock her off of her feet... I don't know if my Tanto knife is enough... "No, I'll pass."

"Your loss!" Julius turned away and took off down the beach, leaving Yami alone with a lot on his weary mind.

Designing Your Melody: Chapter 06 - Cherry

Chapter 01 - Chapter 05

“DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!” Marinette screamed into her headset as she tapped the buttons on her controller as fast as her fingers would let her.

“Dang, girl. Leave some for the rest of us.” Alya’s chuckle filtered though her headphones over the sound of gunfire. Her orange mecha that had been built for speed and precision performed a deadly dance as she picked off the few stragglers that Ladybug’s mecha had left behind. “You’re out for blood tonight, aren’t ya? Tough week?”

‘Tough’ didn’t begin to cover how frenzied the last week had been for Marinette. After hemming and embroidering and sewing THOUSANDS OF FREAKING SEQUINS, Jagged Stone’s new ensemble was finally finished. Why she had agreed to undertake such a herculean task at the last minute, she had no idea. Well, that’s not entirely true. She knew exactly why she accepted the job: she loved Jagged Stone and she loved a challenge.

Still, the fact that she was stressed out and sleep deprived remained. However, she was still too jittery from the numerous cups of coffee she’d sucked down over the past few days to go to sleep yet, so she figured she’d meet up with her clanmates and play for a little while until she finally came down from her caffeine high.

“Rena, I haven’t slept in 36 hours, I’ve stabbed myself a dozens of times sewing on all those stupid sequins that I thought would be such a good idea to add to his design, and I’ve had enough coffee over the past week that Papa could probably use my blood to make some of his famous tiramisu, so even though I’m freaking exhausted, there’s no way I can fall asleep just yet. I need something to relax me, so here I am..”

“Seriously, dude,” Nino added, “When you told us what you were doing, I thought you’d finally fallen off the deep end. I mean, you’ve got to be crazy to try to design and sew a photoshoot ready outfit for one of the biggest rock and roll stars in the world in just a week!” His avatar, a bright green design with black goggles covering the cockpit, threw up a translucent energy shield over his clanmates that glowed with an ethereal green light, easily blocking the incoming attack of an enemy captain.

“Hey!” Marinette yelled at her friend as she rushed toward the mini-boss, swords flashing as her cherry red mecha closed the distance and she engaged with the enemy. “You make it sound like you didn’t think I could do it.”

“It’s not that, my lady,” soothed Adrien, aka Chat Noir. “We all had faith that you’d get the job done purrfectly.” His onyx mecha landed next to Ladybug, his staff whirling, performing a perfectly choreographed combo attack with his partner in battle. “Fur real, we were just concerned that purrhaps you had kitten off more than you could chew and ended up burning yourself out.”

She closed her eyes for a moment to collect herself. She could literally hear how smug Chat Noir was through her headphones. “For the sake of what little sanity I have left after this week, please don’t start with the cat puns, Chat.”

“Why, I’m feline a little offended here, bugaboo,” he teased. “I’m just saying that there’s no one else who clawed pull what you did off.”

“That last one was a bit of a stretch, kitty.” She should just ignore him, she knew that. You’d think she would have learned by now that when she responded to his bad jokes and ridiculous puns, he layed it on even thicker, just to annoy her. “Seriously though, I didn’t have much of a choice! You should have seen what the stylist wanted Jagged to wear. It was just,” she shuddered just thinking about it, “terrible.”

Rena asked, “How bad? Come on, girl, gimme some details!”

“Ugh, it makes me sick just thinking about it. Imagine Jagged Stone, wearing a powder blue, see-through lace romper..” Her three friends howled with laughter at the mental image she conjured, so she continued to describe the nightmare she had seen in full detail. “Just picture it: THE Jagged Stone, clad in skintight lace booty shorts, white fishnet stockings, and silver glitter loafers. They wanted to stuff him into a silver speedo underneath that ridiculous romper. That’s all! Nothing but a silver speedo and translucent baby blue lace!” she snorted with laughter as she remembered how utterly uncomfortable the poor singer had been when he showed her what the record label wanted him to wear for his promotional photo shoot. “Oh my god, it was awful! I wish I could unsee that sight, but it’s now burned into my memory to haunt me until the day I die. I couldn’t very well say no to his pleading after I saw that abomination.”

“Ladybug,” Chat Noir tried to calm down enough to talk, but he was obviously having a hard time since he had let his guard down and had been killed in the battle. He used his respawn time to finally compose himself enough to continue. “As a life long Jagged Stone fan, you have my eternal gratitude for sparing the public from that visual crime against humanity.” He dissolved into another fit of giggles, causing a chain reaction among their friends once again and distracting them from the battle currently underway.

“I know.” Marinette took a deep breath. “And here I thought that they couldn’t possibly come up with a worse marketing strategy after that whole “perfume ad album cover” debacle. Yeah, I was wrong. This was much, MUCH worse,” she scoffed.

They all laughed hysterically for a few more minutes before they were able to calm themselves enough to carry on their conversation.

“By the way, milady, are you going to be participating in Fashion Week next month?” Chat asked.

“Yes,” she replied. “I’ve finally garnered enough of a reputation as a legitimate designer for my collection to be allowed to participate in the newcomer designer showcase on the last day. I’ve got my collection finalized, so all I need to do is sit down at my machine and make the pieces.” Her fingers flew over the buttons of her controller, sowing a path of destruction in her avatar’s wake onscreen as a new wave of enemies arrived to back up their leader. “Now that I’m done with the Jagged Stone’s request, I’ve got the time to work on my showcase designs.” With a final flourish, she and Chat Noir defeated the enemy captain, leaving Rena Rouge and Carapace to deal with the reinforcements.

The gathered the mission rewards and traveled back to their base.

“Hey, Ladybug,” Rena began, “have you selected the models you’d like to walk in your show? I’m sure Kitty Noir over here would be more than happy to help you out if you need.”

While Alya understood that Adrien and Marinette would probably only be “just good friends”, once a shipper, always a shipper. Over the years, she still created opportunities for her two friends to be alone together in the hopes that something would spark between them and her OTP ship could set sail. Was it wrong to ship your friends? She didn’t think so. Nino disapproved of her antics at times, but she just couldn’t help it. She wanted her friends to be happy and in her mind, they were made for each other.

Marinette had tried convincing her friend that she was more than happy with the relationship she had with the handsome, blond model. She was more at ease with him now and he could be himself around her, even if that did include his utterly atrocious sense of humor. Seriously, the guy’s obsession with puns was borderline unhealthy.

“I’d love to wear your designs again, My Lady,” he purred.

“Won’t you be busy walking in your father’s show?”

“The Agreste show is on the first day. I’ll have plenty of free time after that. All you’ll have to do is get me some of your dad’s famous macaroons as payment.”

She was ecstatic. Having a famous model like Adrien Agreste would bring people flocking to her show, even if it was to see him, not her designs. But since he’d be the one wearing her clothes, it’d be like killing two birds with one stone. “You have a deal!” she squealed.

His chuckle echoed in her ears. “Honestly, I’m getting the better end of the deal. Don’t underestimate the power your family’s bakery has.”

“Awesome,” Alya cheered. “You’ve got your male model. Do you need a female model too or have you found one already?”

“Actually, I texted Juleka Couffaine and asked her if she’d be interested and she said that she’d do it,” she said. “I haven’t really spoken to her since high school since we kind of lost touch with each other, but I’ve seen some of the ads she’s sone and I think she’d be a good fit for the theme of my collection. She’s out of the country at the moment on a job, but she should be back sometime next week, so until then I can get started on what you’ll be wearing, Kitty.”

“Sounds good, Bugga-boo. I can’t wait to see what you’ve come up with. Your designs are always so pawsome. I can’t wait to wear them for you on the catwalk.”

She shook her head once more at his antics. “I’ll give you the last one, since that’s a legitimate pun.” Alya and Nino’s laughter rang in her ears as they laughed at their friends’ banter.

“You know, we were wondering if you’d be online tonight, Ladybug, since you’ve been MIA all week.” Alya said. “The others were asking about you since they hadn’t heard from you, but I told them you’d be on when you were done with your work.” There was a brief silence before she teased, “Viperion was especially worried about you. He said how you guys had done some grinding the other night wondered where you had disappeared to since you’re usually on every night..”

The idea of Viperion worrying about her caused warmth to blossom in her chest. To be honest, she had missed the calming effect his presence had on her. “Speaking of which, where is he? Did he say he was going to be playing tonight?”

Nino told her that he had spoken to him earlier in the day and that he would probably be on much later, if at all because he would be working late on a project that he had to completely redo.

A little disappointed that she wouldn’t get to play with her online friend, Marinette decided to call it a night and logged out, finally ready to get some much needed sleep.

 Chapter 07

*Sorry for the delay on posting. This chapter is just kind of a transition chapter, so unfortunately, not much is going on, but I really wanted cat puns and mental images of hard rockers in blue lace rompers hahaha. Next chapter will pick up and our sweet boi will get some screen time. I might even stop torturing him and throw him a bone ;D Until next time, Lovelies XOXO*

animal ][ s. rogers

so take it easy on me, i’m afraid you’re never satisfied

Paring: steve rogers x agent!reader 

Inspo: animal by neon trees

Word Count: 3000+

Warning(s): SMUT, unprotected sex (wrap it before you pack it), and foul language cause dear lord

Part: part one | part two | part ??

A/N: i stayed up till 3 AM writing this and i’m not sure if i should be proud or ashamed

The two of you arrived in Mykonos that same night, Steve thoroughly impressed with the house you commandeered. It was a gorgeous white penthouse with royal blue accents that overlooked the sea. You opened it up with a key that had always been located under a potted plant on the front stoop and welcomed him inside. “Wow...” He had wide eyes with a stupefied grin, the soldier still not used to any sort of luxury. “Don’t get too excited you haven’t even seen the balcony.” You smirked and pointed towards the glass doors across the foyer while stepping down a hallway to throw your bag in a room. “Who are your ‘contacts’?” He asked out loud and you chuckled from the bedroom. “That’s for me to know and for you to find out.” You bit your lip and pulled a white silk robe from the closet. It only came down to about mid-thigh with a deep neckline, and on your body it hugged every curve it was supposed to. The idea of him seeing you in the thing was exhilarating, but part of you wasn’t sure if it’d be smart to make that first move. You had been out of the game for so long and Steve was not any normal man. But then again, he had come to Mykonos, hadn’t he? You muttered a ‘fuck it’ and threw the thing on, only wearing a baby blue lace bralette and matching panties underneath. You made the platter, but now it would be up get a taste of the sampling. You walked back out and headed towards the open kitchen to see him still admiring the view on the balcony. “I know you can’t get drunk, but I’m having champagne. You want some?” You called out to him and he shouted back a ‘sure thing’ without looking back. You poured two glasses and headed towards the balcony, nearly being taken aback by the view as well. You had seen all the world, but even views like this could make you freeze at times. “Captain,” you greeted with a smile and handed him the glass of champagne while taking a sip of your own. He took the champagne and didn’t even register your outfit at first. 

But when he did? 

That ocean view was a thing of the past. You practically glowed in the white garment and his eyes couldn’t help but explore every inch of you. Sure, the both of you had seen each other in various states of undress but that was under highly different circumstances. Usually post-mission stitches and the such, or quick changes of disguise. But just seeing you on your own in an outfit like that? Steve felt guilty in partaking the view. He nearly swallowed his champagne, a blush on his cheeks. “Beautiful...” the word slipped from his lips but you were too occupied by the sea to notice. “Isn’t it? I can never get over this view-“ “I’m not talking about the water, Doll.” He responded in a soft tone which made your head whip back to him. You both had small smiles on your face and you took a gulp of your drink. “There’s pjs in your room too, I think.” You winked at him and Steve nodded with a chuckle. “Oh? I get a robe too? Might be a little short for me.” You scoffed but were quick to respond to his joke. “Are you saying that’s a bad thing? Mr. Rogers you are doing yourself, and me, a disservice by hiding that tush.” He laughed and stepped off the balcony to go to his room. You gripped the railing on the balcony the second he left with a giddy smile before downing the rest of your champagne like a shot. You then headed back to the kitchen to refill your glass, looking out on the luxurious living room with a sip. This place was practically right out of a magazine and you knew you’d be sending your contact some ‘thank you’ flowers. Upon checking the fridge you found a small fruit platter and decided to take it out, placing the thing on the coffee table in the living room before picking a corner of the couch to nestle in. And almost as if on cue, the super soldier walked in. Your jaw nearly dropped at the sight of him. Steve stepped out in a set of white silk pajamas, but while he wore the pants, he only chose to throw on the robe instead of shirt and left the thing wide open. Under the dim lighting of the penthouse and moonlight pulsing through the windows, his statuesque body and face were dangerously alluring. “The uh shirt didn’t fit.” He awkwardly got out with a lopsided smirk that could be read as nothing but innocently gorgeous. “Come get some fruit, Freak.” You joked and he rolled his eyes but sat down on the couch with you, popping a grape into his mouth. He comfortably stretched out his arms and legs before looking at you with narrowed eyes. “Speaking of your mysterious ‘contact’ that obviously left us fruit... I really don’t know as much about you as I should, do I?” He said and you paused halfway through biting a pineapple chunk. “I guess not... it’s not your fault though, I work for SHIELD, we’re kinda taught to conceal. But if you’re looking for information, I suppose you can do that as long as there’s some give and take. 20 Questions?” You shrugged, but inwardly found yourself shocked at your words. If anyone else so casually would have asked you about yourself you would have fled for the hills. But Steve was genuine in his curiosity in a way that made you feel safe. “Alrighty then,” he chuckled before rubbing his hands together and looking at you with a raised eyebrow, “where’d you grow up?” It was a basic question but the first one you calculatedly avoided in your first night with Steve Rogers back in New York. “Yeah? Alrighty, I grew up in Edgewater, New Jersey actually. Right across the water, Brooklyn Boy.” You laughed as his nose twitched up in disgust. “My Best Girl is from Jersey? I think I might have to re-evaluate our friendship.” He teased making you snort while also being unable to hide the grin that nickname brought you. “Wow! Jerk!” You playfully slapped his arm and nudged a little closer from the couch corner. “Hmm. I know you always talk about Peggy Carter, in the past, but did you guys ever...” You made a face and with your suggestive tone he rolled his eyes. “No. We never even kissed. But she was something else, trust me,” he had this nostalgic look on his features that could soften the heart of a stone man. “Never kissed?! Wait- have you ever kissed anyone-“ “Slow down there, Speedo! It’s my turn now. What about you? First kiss stories?” His arm now rested along the back of the couch on your side and he moved closer upon picking up another grape. “Ugh fine. But yeah, I got one. It’s not glamorous though, trust me... I was fifteen, riddled with acne and probably one of the biggest geeks in my high school. Which you will tell no one! But being a geek made my only options for romance other geeks. Me and this kid Norman Specks made out in the light booth during our school’s production of Romeo and Juliet. He had the biggest braces, it was so gross!” You admitted, drinking your champagne at various points while Steve could not feel any more endeared to you. It had to be one of the most honest confessions you ever told him up to that point and it only made him more attracted to you. The badass SHIELD agent who was also a theater nerd in high school. He laughed at the end of your story and you scrunched up your nose at him. “Don’t laugh at me! I bet yours was worse! Little pre-glowup, 5’4” Skinny Steve,” you shot back at him which made his face turn into a cocky expression that did something to you in a way you couldn’t perceive. “Actually, my first kiss was after the serum. Sure, I was 21, but this was a dame! She made out with me out of nowhere, but it was a pleasant surprise in the moment.” He recalled with a perfect smile. “My turn. Who’s your ‘contact’ for this place?” Your cheeks turned red at his question, but you were never one to back down. “You honestly wanna know? It’s a girl I hooked up with about two years ago when I was on a mission here. Turns out her family is super rich and she offers me the place whenever I’m around.” Now it was Steve’s turn to blush as his mind visualized the scenario. He saw you on top of a gorgeous Greek girl, both of your lips conjoined in a heated make-out session. But with a blink the image was gone as a worrisome blood rush headed below his stomach. “Yes, I like boys and girls. It’s nearly 2014, Mr. Rogers. Get with the times,” you joked, remembering how interested he was in the PRIDE celebration NYC now held every year. “But it’s my turn, and now I’m curious. Have you done anything since the ice? If you were 21 at your first kiss, I can’t imagine you had time to do much after considering the war and Peggy.” He shook his head with a smile and stole your champagne to take a big gulp. He couldn’t believe how observant you had to be to connect those dots, hell he admired it in a way. No wonder you were such a successful agent. “I have not actually. Too busy trying to understand the iPhone to be doing anything else.” He lightheartedly answered and you boldly moved closer to him, close enough to feel the heat radiating from his built torso. “No way! Well if you ever do get around to it, I know that lucky girl will be more than satisfied,” You suggestively quipped and his eyes shot down to your own. And that was when something switched, his precious blue eyes darkened and his voice became low and smooth like whiskey. “How about you? Any recent lovers?” He questioned, vision never leaving your own. “Not since I met you.” The words came out before you could even consider the meaning. “Why not?” His face moves closer to yours, warm breath fanning across your face. “Let’s just say, I’ve been craving something else. Someone else...” you let a finger trail up his torso, drawn to him like a magnet and forgetting your little game. You watched his eyes dip up and down your face, pausing on your lips. Your heart felt like it was about to beat of its chest, the close proximity making your mind and body lose all composure. “And who might that be-“ You cut off his question by grabbing his robe and crashing your lips onto his own. His lips are full and taste of fruit and champagne, and 70 years spent under the ice clearly did nothing to stop his ability. The both of you moved in a rushed rhythm, lips fitting together like puzzle pieces and yet sloppily conjoining in a manner that showed exactly how needy you both were. His warm hands cupped your face and separated the two of you for less than a second but it was enough for him to look you over and bring you back to him once more, this time meeting in more passion than the first. You moved your legs to straddle his waist and one of his hands slipped down your back, bringing your body even closer to him. Your hips instinctively grind against his own which let a moan slip from his lips in a manner that immediately makes you wet. His length is hard underneath the silk and he moves his hand from your cheek to your hair, lightly tugging on it with another moan. He broke away from the kiss again, meeting your face with flushed features, “[Y/n]... you’re okay with this, right?” Your chest warms at his words, oh what a gentleman. “More than okay,” you respond before dipping your lips down to his neck, missing how his eyes immediately closed in pleasure. You sucked at the skin, feeling his hand tighten on your waist as you reached a spot just below his collarbone. Without a second thought, you attacked the area, intending to leave your mark on the man you waited so long for. Though you could still feel his nervous rigidity as he refused himself from moving his hands any lower. You pulled away to reveal a purpling spot on his neck. “Steve...” your voice was breathy and your robe hung off one shoulder from your previously hunched over form which revealed your lacy bralette without even meaning to, “touch me wherever you want, Captain.” You felt his length twitch through the silk garments you both wore and he nodded, eyes dipping down to your nearly exposed chest while his hands slipped away the rest of your robe to only reveal the blue lingerie underneath. Your nipples were hard through the fabric and you watched his vision pinpoint on them. He reached up and grasped one of your breast’s in his hand while the other brought your face back down to his. He palmed your breast in his hand, squeezing and pushing in ways that made more heat spread below your stomach. “You’re...” your lips met in sloppy kisses, tongues swirling around in perfect conjunction, “beautiful...” Steve said through kisses and then slowed moved his hand down to your ass. It tightened around your soft form and guided your grinding against him, the both of you moaning into each other’s kisses and barely taking in oxygen. His hard erection against your clothed pussy nearly sent you over the edge, knowing that you were so close to him. You pulled away from him, standing up and taking off your bra, “take off your clothes.” You ordered and he did as you requested, tossing off the robe and pants to leave him in black boxers while you revealed yourself to him completely. You watched him slowly look you up and down like you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. His brows then furrowed for a second, eyes clouding in thought until he got up and picked you up Bridal style as if you weighed less than a feather. Your arms wrapped around his neck and you let him carry you to his bedroom, nearly soaked by now in anticipation. He carefully placed you on the bed and climbed on top of you, slipping a hand down to your wet core and pushing a finger inside of you. A loud moan broke from your lips and you instantly dragged his head back down to you, but instead of meeting your lips he moved down to your neck. He fingers you while kissing and sucking all over your neck, leaving a hickey on a particular spot below your jawline which made you pull on his hair especially tight. It was like you were intimate with an Adonis, his sculpted body rolling and grinding against yours in shear perfection. He stuck another finger inside of you, thrusting in and out to the rhythm of your now constant sharp intakes of breath. You cried out when he pushed in especially deep and you dragged a hand down his abdomen to his boxers, sticking your hand inside and pumping his length against the cloth. “I want you,” he told you, eyes hooded and voice deep as he pulled his hand out of you too take off his boxers. His large length shot out and hit his stomach, pre-cum already dripping and glistening down his throbbing cock. You nodded up at him and open your legs up even more, he moves down while pumping his dick in his hands. Steve slides over you and slowly starts pushing into you, your hands tightly grabbing the sheets below you as he begins filling you up. You’re practically yelling at this point, the name Steve being heard by any who could be awake at such a late hour. Once he is fully inside of you, he leans down and takes your head in his hands, meeting your eyes and beginning to thrusts in and out of you. His eyes close in pleasure though and your hands reach up his back, scratching down the skin as his thrusts get faster. He whines your name into your ear causing your whole body to tingle underneath him. This goes on until you both orgasm, Steve progressively getting faster and faster while pumping in and out of you until you completely dissolve under his form, yells turning into screams of pleasure. And not after long, you feel him twitch inside of you, an almost inhuman sound leaving his lips when he cums inside of you. He thrusts a few more times before pulling out and plopping down next to you, leaving your body in an exhaustive high you’d never felt before. And sure, it was only missionary and you were by far an experienced girl, but it was Steve. Steve fucking Rogers. And that changed everything. His kisses felt like soft sparks of lighting and his hands were fire against your skin. You wouldn’t trade anything in the world for that. You cuddled up to his tired body, head resting on his chest to feel his rapid yet slowing heartbeat. “Was your first time everything you imagined?” You got out in a breathy manner which made him chuckle. “Doll, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.” His arm wrapped around you and the two of you fell asleep, breaths intermingling in the tropical air like you were in your own little world.

And this was only the beginning.

I miss the summer, so here’s so sex by the pool

Warnings: Too much Daddy and inappropriate use of ice cubes

—•—

Tony enjoys the summertime, maybe a bit too much. He likes to watch Peter prance around his Malibu mansion in tiny jean shorts and ridiculously flamboyant crop tops. He loves the itsy-bitsy excuse of a swimsuit Peter brought with him. He caught himself staring as he lounged by the pool, drink sweating in his hand. Peter sat at the edge, dangling his feet into the water. The speedo barely covers his ass. It leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination and Tony is honestly grateful that Peter hasn’t asked to go to the beach.

Peter stood suddenly, and stretched his arms over her his. Tony hummed softly, appreciative of the way the muscles in Peter’s back ripple just slightly. Peter gently tugged at the hem of his shorts to pull them down, but they snapped right back into place.

“Where did you even get those?” Tony asked.

Peter turned at the sound of his voice, and followed Tony’s gaze to his waist. “My swim shorts?” he asked, coy smile playing on his lips, “I don’t know actually... MJ and I were just out shopping one day when I picked them up.”

“They hardly qualify as shorts,” Tony replied. “Practically a thong.”

Peter faced him and crossed his arms over his chest. Tony tilted his head down, to peek at the boy from over his sunglasses. It was a thong, really. The swimsuit just barely covered Peter’s cock and was loosely held together with small straps at his hips. Tony could easily just rip those straps off, and the suit would be no more.

Peter pivoted to the side just a bit to hide himself. “Stop staring, you dirty old man,” he teased.

“C’mere.” Tony beckoned to Peter and then set his drink down. Peter grinned and sauntered over, hands clasped behind his back. He leaned back, hands on his hips and waited for Tony to speak.

Tony lazily slid his hand up Peter’s thigh, slipping his fingers under the band. “I want to destroy these...” he whispered.

“What, why?” Peter whined, “I thought you’d like them.”

“I do like them,” Tony said, “All I can think about is tearing them off and fucking you out here by the pool.”

He tugged the strap, pulling Peter closer. Peter settled on the pool chair with Tony, straddling his lap.

“You want me?” Peter asked.

He leaned in, like he was about to kiss Tony but just hovered near the man’s lips. He moved a hand between Tony’s legs, not quite touching the man’s obvious hard-on.

“Tease,” Tony groaned. He held Peter’s hips, fingers dancing at the hem of the swimsuit.

“You like it.” Peter pressed his face into Tony’s neck and kissed him there. He wiggled his hips, encouraging Tony to grope him. Tony grabbed Peter’s ass and squeezed. He slipped his hand under the swimsuit, searching for Peter’s hole. His fingers brushed over the round, jeweled end of a plug.

“God, Pete,” he moaned. “You’re killing me.”

“I just wanted to be ready for you Daddy,” Peter hummed.

Tony gently pulled at the plug. He knew exactly which one Peter was wearing; the gold colored, stainless steel with the red jewel - his favorite. He thrust the plug gently in and out of Peter, relishing in his whine.

“Daddy!” he gasped against Tony’s neck.

“Take these off,” Tony ordered, sliding the swim shorts down with his free hand. Peter easily maneuvered himself on the chair, sliding his swimsuit off and tossing it aside. “Show me,” Tony said.

Peter got up, standing next to the chair, and he turned to show Tony the plug. He bent forward and spread his cheeks apart. “Do you like it, Daddy?” he asked.

“Oh, yes,” Tony answered. “Perfect, baby.”

Peter straightened back up. “Are you gonna fuck me now?” He asked, facing Tony and crossing his arms over his chest again. Tony took in the sight; Peter’s hip out to the side, his cock standing against his belly, playful pout on his lips. He had to admit the boy was cute, even if he was a brat.

Tony took his time rising from the chair. He gestured to the open patio where there luxury outdoor sofas shaded under a wooden awning. Peter grinned and strolled over. He laid down on his front, pert little butt raised up by a pillow under his hips. Tony followed him, taking up his drink in his hand.

He watched Peter as he leaned up against an awning post. The boy hasn’t really tanned while they were out here. Peter’s shoulders, back and legs were lightly dusted with the pink hue of sunburn.

Peter glanced over his shoulder at Tony. “C’mon, Daddy!” He groaned.

“Don’t be so impatient, baby boy,” Tony playfully chided.

“Hmph!” Peter turned his head away, nose sticking up into the air.

Tony strode over to the sofa and placed his drink down on the side table in front of Peter. He brought his down with a soft smack on Peter’s ass. He sat down next to the boy and began groping him again.

“You know, naughty boys don’t get to cum, Pete,” he murmured.

Peter poured again, “M’not naughty,” he insisted.

“Sure...” Tony pulled the plug again, this time until it popped free.

Peter moaned softly. He raised his hips expectantly. Tony reached for his glass and pulled an ice cube from it. Peter tracked the man with his eyes. Tony sucked the ice clean and then pressed it against Peter’s hole.

Peter gasped and then whined. He squirmed as it melted against him, dripping ice water over his perineum and to his balls. “Daddy!” He whimpered.

Tony grabbed more ice from the glass and pushed the melting into Peter’s tight hole. Peter bit back another gasping moan. Tony pushes two more ice cubes into Peter and thrust them in deep with his fingers. Peter arched his back and pleaded, “Its too cold, Daddy!”

“You can take it,” Tony cooed. He thrust his fingers in and out of Peter, feeling the cooling walls of Peter’s heat coated in ice water. Peter writhed under him. Tony’s fingers were sharp heat against the cold inside him.

Tony only stopped finger fucking Peter when the ice was fully melted and leaking steadily out of his boy. He slipped his own swim shorts off and straddled Peter on the sofa. Peter raised his hips up obediently.

Tony took the last of the ice in his drink and pressed it into Peter again, despite the whimper of protest from the boy. Tony lines up his cock, and sank deep into Peter, pushing the ice against the boy’s velvet walls.

Peter keened. “Daddy!” He moaned, “Can I... can I please?”

“Not yet, baby,” Tony replied. He reached under Peter and wrapped a hand around his cock. He gave a tight squeeze. “No cumming yet.”

Peter only whimpered. Tony manhandled the boy into a better position - sitting between Peter’s legs so he could fuck deeper into him. He placed a hand on Peter’s back and started to thrust hard. Peter groaned under him. Tony’s cock burned into him, cutting through the cool feeling of the melting ice. Peter clenched around Tony, wanting more.

Tony set rough pace, pushing Peter into the cushions with each thrust. Peter babbled and moaned under, letting out string after string of, “Yes, Daddy, yes daddy, please, more!”

“Oh, I’m close Peter,” Tony moaned, “Cum with me, baby boy.”

“Yes, Daddy,” Peter diligently replied.

Tony fucked Peter harder, chasing his own orgasm. Peter groaned and arched for Tony again. He clenched down on the man’s cock and came, spilling over the cushions and his stomach. Tony followed, buried to hold inside his boy, and pumping him full. He fell against Peter’s back and kissed his throat.

“You’re so good for me baby,” he praised.

Peter hummed softly. “Thank you, Daddy,” he said.

“I love you baby.” Tony slowly dragged his cock from Peter.

“I love-ahhhn-you too,” Peter moaned.

Tony then eased the plug back into his hole with the other. Peter grunted in mild discomfort, his rim sore from the fucking. Tony sat back and admired the jewel between Peter’s plump cheeks. He then laid down next to the boy. Peter rolled onto his side to cuddle against Tony.

“Next time,” he started, pausing briefly to yawn, “You should fuck me in the pool.”

Tony smiled. “If you wear that thong again, I might.”

Pride Month

I wish I had a talent in drawing. I would love to have drawn the straw hats at a pride parade or just wearing rainbow things in support. I would commission but I get paid on Friday and I don’t have many artist friends. I do have a little writing skills though! Also, I only have a few headcannons for the characters so that’s sprinkled out.

Imagine

Luffy:

The most supportive bean? HELL YEAH. Is so excited to go and support his friends and immediately asks Robin to help him temporarily cover the red strip on his hat with a rainbow one

Rocking the rainbow tank top and jean shorts with an asexual wristband on his right hand and an aromantic one on his left

Seeing Usopp with a rainbow heart on his cheek and wanting one too

Luffy just sitting in front of Usopp on the floor and trying not to smile so that his heart doesn’t get messed up

Getting hyped when the parade passes by him and catching everything that is thrown out to him

His neck being covered with beads by the end of the day 

He gets pissed off when he sees protesters and is one to fight them but gets pulled away

He asks Usopp whenever he sees a flag or colors that he doesn’t recognize and is so lovable and happy that he makes a lot of friends at the parade

No one brought a flag with them but Luffy somehow ends up with one tied around his neck along with the beads

He’s tired but he had a lot of fun and wished the pride parade was every day

Zoro:

He honestly didn’t want to go. It would be crowded, loud, and he wouldn’t be able to nap. 

Once he sees his friends excited, and that there would be free booze, he’s down

Goes in a white tank and black pants but he does wear a rainbow bandana around his bicep

Will be seen drinking with strangers and loosening up as the celebrations get wilder

His drinking buddy that he found in one of the bars, a drag queen, made a bet with him that if she could chug a pint faster than him, she could put some make up on him

Let’s just say, his friends were surprised when he came back with eyeshadow and a killer wing 

She went easy on him but she swore that next year she wouldn’t be so nice

Catches the beads and other things thrown out into the crowd for Chopper and the kids that are there with their parents

Ready to fight once he sees protesters, especially the ones with the speakers, trying to shame people but will back down when Luffy gets pulled away

On the way home, he will be carrying Chopper on his shoulders and will actually be listening to Usopp and Luffy about the parade, even though he was there

Nami

The one that goes all out for her outfit. Wears a rainbow bikini top and bottom but also wears a long skirt that ties in the front so the bottom is hidden when she’s standing straight. She also wears black thigh high boots/heels

When she walks though, the skirt flows behind her and she gets multiple people telling her to make a spin which she happily does so that her skirt sways around her

She wears warm colored eyeshadow on one eye and cool colored eyeshadow on the other and lipstick that she doesn’t usually go for, like black or purple

Will also draw a small rainbow heart on the apple of her cheek and brings make up along to draw on those who compliment her make up

Is in charge of finding a way to get downtown and back so that: a) it’s cheap and b) they’re not all crushed in the crowd

Will spin happily to the music and dance with the others watching the parade

When people compliment her outfit, she’ll excitedly ask if she can take a picture with them (no matter how normal or flamboyant they’re dressed too)

Is the type to let people kiss her cheek for pictures if she’s in high spirits

Will be one of the people that has to push her anger aside to tug the more impulsive people in her friend group away from beating protesters up

When the parade is over, she finally can sense how her feet are dying from wearing her boots all day and will happily take Sanji’s offer to piggyback her back

Usopp

Probably the one who brought up the pride parade and if they wanted to go, to be honest. Even though he wants to be loud and proud, he’ll need some encouragement from Nami to do just that

Is probably one of the few that will let Nami put make up on him 

He actually tried to plan his outfit ahead of time so he bought a white button down shirt and tie dyed it pink, purple, and blue. He wears that shirt but keeps it open and a simple pair of white shorts

He ties his hair back and wears a rainbow bandana. Like before, he takes it upon himself to make the rainbow heart on himself and Luffy

He’s nervous when they get close to the parade but that gets thrown out the window once he actually sees it

He sticks with his friends but he makes sure to stop people and compliment them on their outfits

Finds the best spot to watch the floats and dances goofily and like no one is watching

Visits the bars with Zoro at one point and makes friends with the drag queens who invite him to come by and visit again at night

It breaks his heart seeing the protesters and, once they’re away from that area, his friends (and new friends) have to cheer him back up

Takes the time when they’re walking home to thank his friends for coming along with him and almost cries when Luffy thanks him for telling them about the pride parade

Sanji

Is a bit hesitant to go but will once he sees how much Usopp and Luffy want him to go too

Won’t go over the top but will go casually because of the heat and will let Nami put a rainbow flag on his cheek

When he gets there, it’s like he’s a different person. He puts on all the wristbands that are being handed out and buys rainbow sunglasses from a vendor to put on top of his head

He’s in love with all the outfits there and how much people are rocking those outfits

He also becomes like a hero at the parade because when someone looks uncomfortable from a situation or is being harassed, he’ll swoop in and scold them

He gets hit on a lot by a lot of people for being so princely and he’s flustered about it but also flattered

He wants so badly to send the protesters flying once he sees them but, he knows that if he did anything violent, it would defeat the purpose of the parade. To everyone’s surprise, he’s the one who tells his friends that want to fight that the parade is about love and that fighting will only hurt them

He doesn’t know if he should be flattered that drag queens want to dress him up but he politely declines and awkwardly compliments them. He does promise Usopp that he’ll go with him to a drag show though one night

He finds himself saddening at the end of the parade and tries to be subtle when he asks Usopp on when the next one is happening (P.S. he is shocked and disappointed that it’s only once a year and he wants it always)

He gives Nami a piggyback ride home and he doesn’t have the chance to be perverted because he’s buzzing from all the fun he had

Chopper

Supportive baby bean. It’s a whole new world and he asks a lot of questions before the parade because he doesn’t want to offend anyone

Robin got him a rainbow flower crown and they all melted when he put it on with the rest of his outfit

He wears a black shirt with a rainbow heart on it but his antlers are wrapped with ribbons of all the colors 

He wears all the wristbands, beaded necklaces, and stickers that are handed to him. At one point, Zoro has to say no for him because the little reindeer is barely visible

He got lost the first five minutes they were there and he has to sit on one of their shoulders the whole time

He’s fine with it because getting lost was scary and he gets to see the floats better from the shoulders of his friends anyway

He gets all blush-y and flustered at the more revealing clothing (or lack thereof) that he hides his face behind his hooves but it doesn’t faze him after an hour or so

He gets kind of teary eyed when he sees so many couples holding hands and being together. He can feel the love and positivity the whole time and it makes him emotional

So you can imagine that he’s absolutely heartbroken and angry when he sees protesters but his priority is to cheer up his friends (and the new people he met that day)

He tuckered himself out when the parade is over and falls asleep against Zoro’s head on their way home. He makes sure to put all his pride stuff away carefully so he can go again next year

Robin

She ties her hair up into a high ponytail with a rainbow scrunchie to start with. She wears a rainbow strapless crop top with jean short shorts and some comfortable sneakers that she drew small hearts on with all the colors that she found in sharpie

Mama Robin makes sure that everyone is together and that there isn’t too much wandering around when they’re at the parade

She melts when she sees a couple get out of the train station and latch hands together, the tension leaving their shoulders

She loves how welcoming and accepting everything feels and ends up with some face paint from one of the stalls

She ends up with some flowers going down from her forehead to her jaw and a pink, yellow, and blue heart on the opposite side of her forehead

She actually knows where the protesters are and leads the group certain ways to avoid them

Even though she wants to go off on them, she prefers to keep her friends happy. They do have an encounter but it ends quickly because she is able to lead them away and distract them when a float passes by

Gets some beads when they’re being thrown out but will only keep one, choosing to give most of them to children that are there with their families

She disappears for a little bit but Nami almost bursts out laughing when she comes back and shows that she bought a “Proud Mom” shirt and very seriously said that she’s adopting people with no support

She smiles when Luffy and the others complain about pride only being once a year and she’s already planning for the next one

Franky

A parade? Supporting his friends? Sexuality acceptance? Sign him up. No one knew that he had a rainbow speedo until he took it out from one of the drawers. He ties his hair up in pigtails and wears a Hawaiian shirt that he keeps open 

He felt at home at seeing so many people in revealing clothing but also marveled at everyone’s outfits

He is dancing with everyone! He just starts dancing when he hears music in the distance and, if people join him, he’s gonna have a blast

He cries when he sees people/couples being happy and loving. It’s such a welcoming event that he feels emotional

His friends attract a lot of people so some want to give him a makeover and he is down for it

He’s got killer eyeshadow, winged eyeliner, blue lipstick, and sparkly highlight. He’s having a blast and he feels beautiful

He pulls his friends away from protesters but just the thought of people being hateful towards such a wonderful event makes him upset and angry

He tends to stop people just to tell them that he thinks they look amazing and cool which makes a lot of people’s day. He takes a lot of pictures with random strangers but those are precious for him

Everyone’s tuckered out by the end of the night but his positivity towards the day gets everyone excited again

He ends the night playing his guitar for everyone and it’s just a night way to end such an eventful night

Brook

Robin is the supportive mom, he’s the supportive grandpa. He ordered a shirt that says “Proud Grandpa” on the front and “Free Hugs” on the back. He wears a colorful boa and his afro is rainbow colored as well

He also bedazzled his forehead and his cheeks with sequins and glitter. He won’t reveal to Nami or Robin his talent to bedazzle

He got a lot of hugs during the parade but he loved that people were reading his shirt

Seeing his friends look so happy and excited, makes him all fuzzy inside and he follows them around

He disappears when the parade is starting and his friends are concerned since he was so excited about it

HE ENDS UP ON ONE OF THE FLOATS

He’s singing one of his songs? He’s hyping everyone up? He gets invited to come back the next year

Where did he get a tutu, they ask. He doesn’t know either but the purple matches his aesthetics so he’s keeping it!

He’s one of the ones that keeps things calm and light when protesters show up and leads the more angry members away so that no trouble is caused. No matter how much he wants to get rid of the protesters, he knows there’s nothing they could do at that moment

He actually comes by again that night to watch the drag shows and visit the bars with his new friends

Jinbe

He’s ashamed at how little he knows about the LGBTQ+ community and takes the invitation to go to the parade as the chance to learn more about it

He learns about the history, the significant figures, and how he can support his friends in the community

He doesn’t feel entirely comfortable with going all out for the parade but he somehow finds a rainbow obi and wears it to secure his usual kimono

He’s a bit overwhelmed by it all once they step into the area and he’s flustered at all the people dressed so... freely

He’s torn between wanting to go home and staying to support his friends

After staying close with his group and getting used to the crowd a bit, he decides to stay

He gets flustered when he gets complimented on his outfit since it’s not the most flashy at the parade 

How’d he get a boa? He doesn’t know but he keeps it on to add some pizazz

Since he learned the history, he thought he was prepared for the protesters there but it was a lot more impacting to see them face to face. He was level headed while trying to calm his friends but, after the experience, he really appreciates what the pride parade/month is really about

He doesn’t say much on the way home, choosing to enjoy listening to his friends talk about the day instead, but he had a lot of fun. He observed more than participate this year but he won’t wait until next year to learn and support more. He keeps the boa tucked away too

A Safe Mistake (Part 9)

Summary: Dean takes the reader and Ethan on a camping trip...

Masterlist

Pairing: Nanny!Dean x Single parent!reader

Word Count: 2,300ish

Warnings: language, minor frightening situation

Two Months Later

“Boys, I’m home,” you said, kicking your boot against the door when your hands were full with dinner. You waited for one of them to come around the corner and take it from you. You sighed and set it down on the floor, kicking off your shoes and coat, carrying the bags into the kitchen. It took a moment to realize the house was a bit too quiet. Not a minute later the door to the garage opened, Ethan walking out in the cutest little jumpsuit you’d ever seen. “Well what are you up to handsome?”

“Changing oil,” said Ethan, Dean sticking his head around the door frame with a smile.

“Two more minutes, sweetheart,” he said. He pulled the door shut as you and Ethan washed up, starting to dish everything up by the time Dean was walking in. “Baby needed a change.”

“I helped,” said Ethan, climbing into his chair, Dean sitting down across from him. You snuck a picture of them in their matching outfits, Ethan explaining all of the steps to you as you ate.

“Alright, little dude. Why don’t you go change into your normal clothes so we don’t get the house all dirty,” said Dean. Ethan gave him a thumbs up and headed upstairs.

“I might not know much about cars but I don’t think putting the thing in the other thing is how you change oil, babe,” you teased.

“He’s got time to learn,” said Dean. “I figured better to keep an eye on him out there than leave him in here by himself.”

“Where did you find that adorable jumpsuit?” you asked.

“The garage ordered child sizing accidentally beginning of the year. They were more than happy to give it a good home,” said Dean.

“Got any in my size?” you teased.

“No. Nope. I think a tank top and short shorts will work perfectly for you,” he said, getting a whack on the arm. “You’re right. I’m mistaken. That’s car washing attire.”

“Huh, to think I’ve been doing it in shorts and a bikini top all these years,” you said. “I didn’t realize-”

“No. That is definitely the correct attire,” he said quickly, chuckling as he stood up.

“So you wear a bikini when you wash Baby?” you said, leaning against the counter.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Speedos all the way,” said Dean. You stared at him a full second before he burst out laughing, a hand on your chest.

“You are something else, Winchester,” you said, shaking your head. “You better not be showing that ass and other assets off to the neighbors.”

“Only you?” he teased, grabbing the plates.

“Definitely only me,” you said back. You settled down before Ethan got came back, Dean off to take a shower while you changed. Ethan was tucked away in bed a few hours later when Dean’s phone rang, a call from Sam coming in.

“Hey, Sammy,” said Dean, smirking as he listened. “That’s great news, Sammy. You excited?...I bet...you did...really?...that’s great Sam...we’re good...mhm...yup...okay, go study super dad...yeah, night bitch.”

“What’s up?” you asked, Dean shrugging. “He told you the sex didn’t he!”

“Maybe…” teased Dean.

“Oh come on, dish,” you said.

“It’s a boy,” said Dean.

“Oh that’s great!” you said. “Jess thought it might be one.”

“They’re both beyond excited. Sammy also got some news from a law firm today. If he commits to working for them for five years after he graduates, they’ll cover his last two years of tuition,” said Dean.

“Really? That’s awesome! Is he going to take it?” you asked.

“Yeah. Unfortunately...they’ll have to move back closer to home, you know, to Lawrence,” he said with a smirk.

“They’re moving back here? That’s great,” you said.

“Well it won’t be until he graduates but yeah, Sammy’ll be back home,” said Dean.

“I’m so happy for you, Dean,” you said, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him back into your lap, giving him a big cuddle.

“He did say he and Jess are going to have to ditch on the camping trip with the newborn being around though,” he said.

“Maybe later in the summer once they got their feet under them we can go again,” you said. “First kid is tough.”

“I can’t even imagine raising one by yourself,” said Dean.

“But you pretty much raised Sam. Hell, you changed his diapers and potty trained him,” you said.

“I guess. It felt different, cause he’s my brother,” said Dean.

“Thankfully we are beyond the diaper stage with Ethan,” you said, nuzzling into Dean. A few seconds later you watched the power go out, your head tossing back.

“I think the storm they said might kick the power-”

“Kicked it? Yeah,” you sighed, stretching as you both sat up in the dark room. Dean turned on the flashlight on his phone, pulling you both to your feet. “There’s a few flashlights in the garage.”

Dean went off and grabbed a few of them, offering a bit more light as you moved around downstairs. You headed upstairs to Ethan’s room, the space far darker than he was used to. You opened his shades but it was still dark and you hoped he’d sleep through it until his night light came back.

You called it an early night and climbed into bed, a flurry of light feet in the hall and the push of the door making you laugh quietly.

“Mommy. Dean,” he said. You sat up, Ethan walking to the end of the bed with his bear in tow. “It’s dark.”

“The power went out, kiddo,” said Dean.

“Can I stay?” he asked.

“Yes but you have to go back to sleep,” you said softly. Ethan was up on the bed like that, stepping all over you and Dean until he found his way to the middle and crawled under with his bear. You scooted over a bit, Ethan shoving his bear next to you, turning his face into Dean’s chest, using his arm as a pillow.

“Night,” said Dean, booping your nose with his finger.

“Night boys,” you said, pulling up the covers a bit more.

When you woke up, the sun was just starting to rise, the power thankfully back on. You rolled out of bed and took a quick shower, getting dressed for the day before you made your way back into the bedroom.

Somehow Ethan had managed to splay himself across Dean’s chest, Dean’s arm curled around the bear, both of them snoring lightly. You made sure to get a few pictures before you gently woke up Dean, plucking Ethan off and sending him to get dressed.

“Why does it feel like I slept with forty pounds on top of me?” he asked.

“Probably cause you did,” you said. Dean sat up with the bear, shaking his head at it as he set it aside. “Come on, time for work.”

“Uh, no it’s not,” said Dean with a laugh.

“Uh, yeah it is,” you said.

“Uh, it’s sort of Saturday, sweetheart,” he teased. You opened your mouth but quickly groaned. “Does this mean I get to tear those work clothes off you?”

“I’m going back to bed,” you said, ripping them off and leaving them in a pile on the ground. You grabbed your pajamas from the hamper and climbed under the covers. Ethan came back a few minutes later, scratching his head.

“Isn’t today-”

“Head on back to bed, Ethan,” said Dean, tossing Ethan his bear. “Everybody’s sleeping in today.”

Three Months Later

“Ethan, hold up,” said Dean. Ethan stopped on his way out of Baby, Dean pulling out a baseball cap and plopping it on his head. “One last birthday present for the big guy.”

“My birthday was two days ago, Dean,” he laughed.

“Oh, so you don’t want more presents?” teased Dean, Ethan shaking his head. “That’s what I thought.”

“What’s camping?” asked Ethan.

“Camping can be a bunch of different stuff but this time, it’s this little cabin over here that we’re going to stay at for a few days. We’re gonna go hiking and fishing and a bunch of other stuff,” said Dean.

“I don’t think mommy knows how to do that stuff,” he whispered.

“I heard that young man,” you said. “I know how to do all of that.”

“You know how to fish?” asked Dean.

“Well...sort of...I went once with my grandpa when I was Ethan’s age and stop trying to laugh, Winchester,” you said. Dean was biting his bottom lip, holding up his hands. “I was five.”

“Little dude’s five. I can give you both a refresher,” said Dean.

“I still can’t believe you’re five,” you said, grabbing a backpack and duffel bag, waiting by the front door of the cabin with Ethan. “Going to kindergarten in the fall-“

“Dean. Mommy’s whining again,” said Ethan.

“Yeah, mom. Let him get bigger so he can start carrying the heavy stuff,” teased Dean.

“True,” you said, Dean slinging a bag over his shoulders before slamming the trunk shut. He pulled the cabin key from his pocket and opened it up, Ethan tilting his head as he looked around the space.

“You want us to stay in there?” asked Ethan.

“Uh huh. Where else would we stay, silly,” said Dean.

“Where’s the TV?” he asked.

“Right over there,” you said, pointing to the floor unit.

“That’s not a TV,” he said.

“It was when we were kids. But we did not just drive for three hours to watch TV, kiddo. Why don’t you go explore?” asked Dean.

“Don’t go too far, Ethan,” you said. Ethan took off down the one hall while you and Dean put away some food in the small kitchen. “So I have a question…”

“One of the couches should be a pullout,” said Dean with a smile.

“Ethan’ll get a kick out of that,” you said.

“I say we change, grab some lunch and head out on a hike,” said Dean.

“Weather said it might rain later on,” you said.

“Eh, we’ll be back before then, promise.”

“You’re telling me neither one of you guys had been properly hiking before?” asked Dean when you were an hour into your hike, deep within the forest if you had to guess.

“We went to the nature center last year in our old town,” said Ethan.

“It was a place on a lake, teaches kids about woods, frogs, that stuff,” you said. “The quarter mile walk next to a parking lot was not a hike.”

“He has a valid excuse. You missy, do not,” said Dean.

“When was I supposed to have gone hiking?” you asked.

“Your parents literally have a house nestled up to the woods,” said Dean.

“Sorry I didn’t go wander around in the woods. I was busy being an overachiever when I was a kid,” you said.

“What’s an overachiever?” asked Ethan, climbing up on a rock and jumping off.

“Basically your mommy worked really hard her whole life but because she worked so hard and just focused on that, she forgot to have fun sometimes. Right, Y/N?” asked Dean.

“Yeah, what Dean said. Hard work is important but you have to enjoy life,” you said.

“Do you?” he asked.

“Of course I do. I got you and I got Dean,” you said, Ethan climbing up on some more rocks.

“Um, I have to go potty,” he said, looking around. You’d been walking for a while and were nowhere near the cabin or anything for that matter. Dean had a map and knew quite a bit about being outdoors so the fact you weren’t on any kind of trail at all hadn’t bothered you.

“Well, let’s find a tree,” said Dean. He pointed out a big one, Ethan frowning. “It’s okay. No one will see.”

“I need privacy,” he said.

“It’s just us three out here, Ethan,” said Dean.

“I think he’s a little stage shy so why don’t you take him over there. I gotta go myself anyways,” you said, heading in the opposite direction.

“Alright. Don’t wander too far,” said Dean.

“I got it,” you said. “Make sure he doesn’t get lost.”

“Dean, I gotta go,” said Ethan. Dean waved him forward, Ethan taking off. You headed the other way until you found some thicker trees, squatting down behind one for a moment. You pulled up your shorts when you finished, glancing around. You headed back the way you came, stopping when you realized you’d been walking too long and the trees weren’t thinning.

“Dean?” you shouted. You heard nothing and called out again, more of the same. “Dean! Ethan!”

It was silent apart from the sounds of the forest. You turned around and started to walk, looking for the tree you stopped at but ten minutes later you had no idea where the hell you were.

“Dean!” you shouted, spinning around, looking for anything familiar. “Oh, fuck me. Seriously?”

You stomped your foot in the ground, determined to find that original tree, knowing if you could just get there, you’d find the right way back.

A/N: Read Part 10 here!

#19: Season 3, Episode 15 - “The Big Splash”

Louis surprises everyone by joining the diving team, but then surprises no one by only doing cannonballs. This eventually leads to Louis reevaluating the future he envisions for himself. Should he remain a class clown forever? Or should he start taking life more seriously? Meanwhile, Ren’s on a mission to win “Best Smile” in the yearbook.

We start our episode with Tawny, Twitty and Tom (oh wow I just realized that all of Louis’ friends names start with the letter T lol) sitting in the stands at a school dive meet. Louis told them to go, yet he’s suspiciously nowhere to be found. Until a mysterious hooded guy walks out with LJH’s team, dramatically takes off the hood and… yeah. It’s Louis. Louis is apparently good at diving according to Twitty and Coach Tugnut (“Stevens, you don’t stink so bad!”) but he decides to squander his talent for laughs instead by doing cannonballs. It’s so cringy. Not only because doing cannonballs at a dive meet and soaking the entire audience & judges is beyond immature -- but, because his cannonballs are so fake lol. There’s the initial surface splash, and then an immediate second one that looks like a freaking nuclear bomb. Unless we’re all watching this from the perspective of Shallow Hal and Louis is actually 600 pounds, it makes no sense. I know it’s just for the lulz... but still. The gang gets a kick out of it.

We cut to the subplot where we see Ruby rushing around and tallying people’s votes for yearbook superlatives. Ren finds out that she’s a lock for “The Big Three” -- Most Likely to Succeed, Most Intelligent, and Best Personality. Is it just me, or is Best Personality a little debatable? (No offense, Ren.) Monique asks who’s in the lead for Best Smile and Ren gets salty when she finds out it’s some random chick Kelly Kerwin. Sooo, now Ren is determined to beat Kelly for Best Smile, as if she doesn’t currently hold the title for literally everything else. Seriously, girl. Let some other people get their time to shine. Dang. 

After school, Ren lets the cat out of the bag to Steve and Eileen about Louis joining the diving team. Steve is beyond excited and tells Louis he’ll try to make it to the next meet. Clearly, Louis does not want his family to attend and witness his latest goofball stunt. 

Next, we get a time-lapse of Ren being her own personal dentist in the bathroom before school because god forbid she doesn’t win Best Smile. It then cuts to Ren having a smile showdown at school with Kelly. This is the second time in the series where we get that annoying sepia, cowboy standoff thing. This cliché never works for me, ever. This goes on for 1 minute and 14 seconds which might seem like a short amount of time, but my god does this scene crawl by. Definitely the lowest point.

Steve decides to attend Louis’ next dive meet and brings his boss, Mr. Kupchack, along with him. Oh, boy. Tugnut compliments Kupchack’s fancy blazer and he responds “Thank you. It’s the finest Italian suede” and all Tugnut can say is “.........too bad.” HAHA. Of course, Louis gets up there and does another massive cannonball, completely soaking the audience... Including Mr. Kupchack and his fancy Italian blazer. Steve is livid and rightfully so. 

Louis’ guilt is starting to sink in... 

At home that night, Steve has a serious talk with Louis. He tells him that he was incredibly proud before the meet, (hence why he brought Kupchack along) only to be disappointed yet again. Louis tries to brush off his immature decisions by saying “I’m a kid. That’s what I do. I have fun.” But, Steve poses the question “It may be fun now… But where are you gonna be 10 years from now?” This really resonates with Louis. It cuts to a dramatic shot of him looking at a crap ton of “Class Clown” trophies later that night. Uh… When did Louis get all those trophies?! Where does he keep them? They don’t really let us see lol. It seems like they have their own private display room! Do schools even give out trophies for prestigious accomplishments such as “Seventh Grade Class Clown”? That’s the real question here. Anyway. This fades into a daydream Louis has of a 10 Year Lawrence Jr. High reunion.

As a kid, I always thought 10 years was too small of a time jump. Especially because Louis imagines Tom married with two kids and another on the way. But, 2017 marked the 10 year anniversary of my own middle school graduation. Now I'm 24 and a recent college graduate. Not to mention a lot of my friends are already getting married, having kids and starting their careers of course. So… Looking back at this as an adult, it's actually pretty accurate.

I love how since Twitty is a musician, they had to give him a ponytail down to his freaking butt.

I’d also like to point out that Tawny is a fashion designer, wearing rope lights as part of her outfit, and talks about spending time in Rome. Was Disney Channel under the assumption that clothes featuring rope lights are a high fashion ~Rome~ thing? Exhibit B:

Louis’ daydream is so depressing... but I absolutely love it. He basically imagines himself as a total screwup man-child. He can’t relate to his accomplished adult friends because he never grew out of being his middle school jokester self. It’s too real. You just cringe the entire time because everyone is trying to have a mature conversation and Louis is literally incapable of doing so. One by one, they all become annoyed by Louis’ antics and make up an excuse to leave. Twitty’s the only one left in the end and asks for Louis’ email to keep in touch. We reach the final straw when Louis says: “It’s [email protected]..... With a K.” OHHHH GODDDDDD IT’S SO BAAAAADDDDD. I just wanna die of embarrassment. Twitty is fed up at this point too and peaces out. Louis snaps out of the daydream and whispers “No...” to himself -- clearly deciding against a future like that. 

The moment Twitty lost all hope. 

That whole sequence is definitely the standout moment of the episode for me. Not because of how funny it is (like you might imagine a standout Even Stevens moment to be), but because of how not funny it is. It’s something we’ve never really seen on the show before. I think taking a peek into Louis’ potential pathetic future was so great. It’s almost like they expanded on what they started in Uncle Chuck. This profound moment segues back into the pointless Best Smile drama. I think it’s kinda interesting how Louis’ plot is very existential here and Ren’s is very superficial. I wonder if that was intentional or not. 

Since Ren was so desperate to win and forced herself to smile non-stop, her facial muscles end up getting stuck in a rather disturbing grin lol oops. She’s scheduled to sing the school song at the dive meet in 5 minutes. This somehow leads to Ruby giving Ren a makeover to “distract from the mouth.” She also gives Ren the brilliant advice to cut through the steam room on her way to the pool. The end result is the long lost sister of Pennywise. Ren, The Singing Clown: 

Hiya, Georgie!! (No, but really. She looks terrifying.) 

Even though he wishes Louis would take it seriously, Steve still goes to the meet to show support. Kupchack also makes another appearance because his first-grader son (Played by Hayden Panettiere’s little brother) wants to see “The Cannonball Kid!”

Louis has built up a name for himself apparently. There’s a massive crowd there to see him! I would imagine these are the same kind of people who stand right next to the log flume ride at amusement parks just to get soaked while fully clothed for whatever unimaginable reason. 

You can see that Louis is under a lot of pressure to either give in to the weirdos in the crowd and give them the cannonball they want -- or to take the first step towards seriousness and do an actual dive. In the end, his decision to do a real dive is so admirable!!! I love it so much. But, naturally, when he emerges from the pool and declares “You know what? From this day forward... Let it be known: I am not a clown” we see that he’s standing there as naked as the day he was born. 

I was going to ask why Louis is the only team member who wears trunks instead of a speedo... but I guess this is the reason why, haha. He needed to wear something flimsy so it could fly right off of him later I guess? lol. I’d also like to point out Tawny’s freaking FACE: 

Um... okay, gurl. I always thought it was weird how she (along with, like.. 50 other people) saw her future boyfriend naked in public like that.

Anyway, Louis scurries off embarrassed and that’s it! The “final minute” bit is Ren coming home from school with a copy of the yearbook already??? She won The Big Three... and the last minute honor of “Best Class Clown.” It’s like Louis and Ren swapped stories in the end. THAT’S WHAT YOU GET, REN! That’s what you get!!! This is also the second time we see Ren wanting to achieve perfection in the yearbook and having it totally blow up in her face. 

I love this episode. It was actually the one I was most excited to rewatch while I was organizing my list. Since Louis is my favorite character, this one obviously gets a lot of “personal favorite” points for me. As I mentioned, it isn't even necessarily funny. As soon as Louis does his first cannonball, I get kinda depressed actually lol. The reason I'm ranking this one higher is because I just really love the plot-line and this more serious side of Louis which is seldom seen this prominently. In contrast to Uncle Chuck though, this episode spins the depressing factor into a positive and leaves you feeling optimistic about Louis’ future. You get the sense that he’s actually going to finally make an effort moving forward.

This episode would be even more effective if they actually aired it in production order!! “The Big Splash” is #320 in production. “Model Principal” is #319 — Ya know, the episode where Louis acts like an actual clown and singlehandedly turns the entire school into a circus??? Yeah. They decided to place that episode 3 episodes after this one. If “Model Principal” aired the episode before “The Big Splash” — LIKE IT WAS MEANT TO — it would’ve been so much better. We would’ve seen the height of Louis’ ridiculousness followed by the sobering episode where he decides to knock it off. The episodes leading up to “The Big Splash” in production order are all next-level zany Louis stuff. The few episodes that follow don’t include too much over the top stuff from him, so it would all make total sense. Instead, we get a really solid episode for Louis’ character development, later followed by a total regression of that development. Curse Disney’s f’d up schedule! WHYYYY?!?!?!

Thanks for reading!!

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hope you all had a nice holiday. I took a break for Christmas, so yeah. I was actually so mad that the Christmas/Hanukkah episode wasn’t next on the list. It would’ve been perfect timing to review it last week. Oh, well. That episode is really good and deserves even higher than #19 ;) 

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Pursuit of Happiness

Genre: Fan Fiction Pairing: Jai Courtney/OFC (Roo) Warnings: Language Rating: PG13 Length: Short Story Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.

A/N: Anon, who asked, here is the update :) Now, shall we find out what all that talk about good news was?

Read:  Little White Lies &  Overextended

"Honey, before you say anything maybe you should think about this carefully." Jai cautioned with a hand on his wife's shoulder.

"What's there to think about?" She smiled meekly with a shrug. "This is good, really. It is."

"Good?" Cora echoed from her side of the screen. "I tell you that Richie and I are engaged and that is all you have to say?"

Nodding, although feeling a little unsure of her reaction, she spoke again. "What did you want me to say? Obviously this is good, it's great, really. How could it not be? You guys are in love and why not?"

She was caught between a rock and a hard place with Cora's news. If she reacted by throwing a tantrum, then she became a hypocrite. If she kept calm and remained quiet, then she risked giving herself and Jai away. They weren't entirely ready to tell people about their marriage.

They had been home from Paris for three days. In those three days, everything remained as normal. Denzi went about his daily routine, while she went to work, and Jai tinkered away around the house while hunting down his next job.

Perfectly normal, absolutely no suspicion to be had.

Something was amiss, Cora wasn't stupid. She knew her daughter too well, this was the very news that would send her only child into a fit of rage and selfish behaviour on any other day. At 33 years old she was an adult, but one didn't change their entire behaviour over night.

If Cora were any other mother, to any other daughter, then a birthday trip as extravagant as Paris would have her Mommy Senses tingling. Seeing as she wasn't any other mother, to any other daughter, a well planned trip was just that.

Birthday trips were common, as common as her daughter going to visit Jai on a filming location. If anything out of the ordinary was playing part in this reaction, the photos that Cora saw would have indicated something.

Trying to pull up the memory of the photos that had been posted to social media, Cora furrowed her brow. Aside from one of the pair standing on a balcony in bad lighting, Cora had nothing.

Scratching her head, Cora narrowed her gaze.

Ah ha!

No.

"Are you...Nevermind, BoC if this is you trying to save face then you may as well let us have it. Jai will only tell us about the fit you throw, later on," Cora replied glancing away from the camera. "Hold on."

In the background, off of the screen, Cora could be heard. Based on the few words that she and Jai had caught; Cora was talking to Richie. When Cora had made the call, she had explained that they wanted to tell them together, but Richie had a business emergency and Cora simply could not wait.

In truth, she knew that Richie had opted out of the announcement, because every time he tried to do something nice for Cora, her daughter threw a fit like a toddler. She couldn't fault him, it was pathetic and yet that hadn't stopped her before.

"Roo, if you have anything to say..." Jai began.

"I don't." She cut him off immediately. "I'm happy for them, really. Why can't you believe that?"

"Well, babe, you didn't exactly cry tears of joy when your mum moved." Jai hated to drag that up and yet, it summed up everything perfectly.

"I know, I know." Running her fingers through her hair, she folded her hands behind her head. "But trust me, I am happy about this. He's perfect for her and mom deserves someone nice."

Whoever the woman on the screen was, Cora was certain it wasn't her daughter. Listening to her daughter insist that this was fantastic, in an odd way, made Cora want to tear up.

"BoC, sweetie," Cora reappeared on the screen, Richie milling around in the back. "Richie wants to know if you're feeling okay?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" She asked leaning over to grab her cup of coffee.

"Well, it isn't like you to take big news this well. He's just checking to make sure there wasn't a body snatching or something." Cora snorted in laughter.

"I didn't say any of that," Richie clarified coming into focus and leaning forward. "For the record, I am glad to hear that you two are happy about all of this. It's big news."

Jai nodded in agreement. This was major news! News that they certainly weren't expecting to get this morning, which made it even more exciting to see that everyone was focused on the positive.

"Yeah, hey listen, congratulations mate." Jai smirked, "You know what this means? We'll have to get together and hash out a buck's night."

"Uh, no." Cora shook her head feverishly. Laughing at the mere idea of Jai taking Richie anywhere for any sort of bachelor party. If that was indeed what he'd just said. "No, I am not letting you get him arrested, or worse."

"Oh come on, Cor." Jai pouted and did his best puppy dog eyes. "It won't be big and I promise, no strippers or coke."

"Okay, maybe some strippers, but no coke." Richie teased, nudging his fiancee with his elbow. "And no cliche all night bender, I know how you feel about cliches."

Everybody knew how Cora felt about cliches.

That comment of truth had even made her to laugh. Her mother was a woman of certain tastes, cliches of any sort did not fly with Cora.

"You know, if we let them have their night then you get one, too." She spoke up amongst the plans for Vegas, or was it Miami? Maybe Daytona Beach Bike Week? Depending on the date of the wedding, of course.

"See, hun, we'll have our weekend and you can take one too. It'll be fine, besides you girls could use a nice spa weekend or how about a nice wine tasting?" Richie grinned.

"Or maybe we'll fly out to Monte Carlo, hit up some hot guys to buy us drinks and spend their money? Oh!" Cora perked up, waving her hands excitedly. "Croatia! I hear they have some great yachting."

"A yacht in the Mediterranean, complete with cute boys in speedos, and lots of coke." She added eagerly, squirming around in her seat.

"The yacht and the boys, I can work with that." Cora laughed in a sheepish manner. "After 1978, I swore I'd never do coke or acid ever again. 'Shrooms, well...hmm, maybe we need to stick with gin and pot?"

Blank faces surrounding her, on screen and off, Cora glanced around the trio who stared at her open mouthed and slightly confused. Laughing and clapping her hands, she leaned back in chair. "What? Oh don't look at me like that, you all know I spent a year in a compound. What did you think hippies did, anyway?"

"It's how she met Keith Richards," She mumbled, leaning over to Jai.

Over the years, Jai had heard the stories, about Cora's time in the compound and her experimental lifestyle. In true Cora fashion, there was always something wacky and wild or so it seemed. One could imagine a long haired, tie-dye wearing Cora, not to forget the big sunglasses and hot pants. She'd heard all of her mother's stories, over time, most of the stories from that particular year included a lot of orgies and too many drugs. Some of the things, nobody ever needed to hear about their mother, but Cora was far from shy.

Only Cora could spend a year in a compound and, some how, make it sound like the most exciting thing in the world.

Quietly laughing about the casual way Cora had moved into the statement and back to the bigger picture, Jai understood full well where his wife had got her spark.

"Now that we have things cleared on that," Richie cleared his throat, chuckling as well. "How was Paris? Your mom seems to think you never left the hotel."

Rolling her eyes, Cora snickered. Based on the photos, aside from the one at a restaurant, there was a chance they didn't leave the hotel.

"We left the hotel," Jai replied, stopping when she interrupted to show off her newly acquired French skills.

"Paris, ç'est fantastique!" She beamed with pride. "And yes, we left the hotel. We saw the Catacombs, and we did one of those walking tours, where they give you a map and let you roam around."

"We only managed to get lost once, during the walking tour." Jai added with a triumphant smile. "Not that Paris is a bad city to be lost in."

"Oh, no!" She jumped to agreement. "It was gorgeous! I can't wait to go back, maybe next time we can stay longer and see a little more."

Jai went on to talk about the few things that took place on their trip, out side of bunking down in the hotel room, drinking too much and barely leaving the bed. It was a short tell, yet he made it seem like every day they'd been away was fast paced, action packed, and never ending. All without having to go outside of the truth once.

Deliberately leaving out any mention of a wedding or marriage, he looked to her, around mouthfuls of a violet crumble, to fill in a few details. Jai would get on her later, about chocolate bars this early. Mostly she smiled and nodded, observing. Half past 9, she glanced at the clock and wrinkled her nose. As much as she would love to sit and talk for the rest of the morning, there was work to do. She had decided to work from home today, giving her some alone time with Jai.

"I hate to break this up, but I have to get some work done. You guys can continue, don't mind me." She spoke above Cora, who was telling Jai about one of her and her later husband's trips to Paris.

"No, no I should be going, too." Cora's voice came back across. "I think we were planning on going out for lunch, if we're doing that then we should go."

On the other side of the screen, her mother and Richie began to move around. Chattering about lunch and how they hadn't meant to keep anyone from their duties.

"You're fine, I'm glad you called. I'm glad you two are engaged. We'll have to talk and work out all of the official details. You know, parties, the wedding, all that." She did her best to sound reassuring.

"Ideally we are thinking Spring, there will be time to work on all of that." Cora replied blowing a kiss. "I love you, tell Denzi that I love him, now go and get your quickie in, before work begins." She winked.

"Mom!" She groaned loudly. Jai laughing at the comment, a quick round between the sheets sounded like a great idea. Much better than his plans for taking Dorito out for a run.

"Sorry, sorry. I love you, seriously, have a great day both of you!" Cora blew another kiss.

"We will, I'm sure." Jai waved at the screen, telling Cora that they would talk soon, making sure to tag on a "Love you, too." he was about to end the call when Cora became mildly frantic.

"One more thing, before I forget," Cora urgently blurted, "Dan said not to worry about checking the house, while he is away next week. He is moving his girlfriend in this week."

"His girlfriend?" She furrowed her brow.

Cora nodded. "Maggie, Morgan, Moira? Something like that, apparently they have been together for a while, she's from Brisbane, too. Anyway, she's a nurse and she managed to snag a job in the US, to be with him."

Dan had a girlfriend? One who was serious enough he was moving her in? Had he discussed another person living in the house, with Cora? Why had he never mentioned this to her, in the few times they had crossed paths? Why did this matter to her?

"Oh, well, everyone is full of good news today." She forced an over the top smile.

Of Casseroles and Carnal Relations (Disabled!Jared 'verse, NC-17, 3/?)

Jared’s phone rings and he grins when he sees that it’s Jensen. He answers the call and puts it on speaker, setting the phone down on the table next to him. “Hey, Jensen.” “Hey! How’s it going?” “Not too bad. How was your meet?” “Well, we won, but only because the other team forfeited three races.” A cat suddenly meows audibly in the background. He hears a shuffling sound and then Jensen says, “Dean, knock it off,” in a muffled voice before he speaks to Jared again. “Sorry, one of my cats decided he wanted to say hello.” “How many cats do you have?” “Three,” answers Jensen. “Dean and Sam were littermates, and then I got Cassie a couple years later.” “So, you knit and you own three cats. Are you sure you’re not my grandmother in disguise?” Jensen laughs. “I wear cardigans, too. If I wasn’t a high school teacher I’m pretty sure I’d have to be a librarian.” “But do you knit the cardigans yourself?” There’s a short pause before Jensen responds. “Not always,” he murmurs sheepishly. “Sometimes people give them to me as gifts, along with ties with math symbols on them.” “Well, at least you teach math and not English,” Jared points out. “You have a tiny bit of masculinity left.” “Masculinity is overrated,” replies Jensen. “Not that I go around wearing lacy panties or anything—well, not since I graduated college, at least. You went to Etown, were they still doing the Rocky Horror midnight show?” Jared grins. “Yeah, they were. I played Dr. Scott all four years. Saved them from having to borrow a wheelchair from the OT department.” Jensen chuckles. “Yeah, I guess it would. The girl who played Riff-Raff when I was there could pop wheelies like nobody’s business. She tried to teach me, but I was hopeless.” “Who did you play?” “I played Brad once and Rocky twice,” answers Jensen. “I got in trouble for wearing an actual Speedo, but I was a swimmer, so I had a ton of them. I didn’t see what the big deal was, when we were allowed to wear them in the pool all the time.” Jared chokes a little at the mental image of Jensen in a Speedo and nothing else. “Do you still swim?” Jensen snorts. “You mean, do I still wear Speedos? Occasionally. You should come to the pool with me sometime. Could you get in a hot tub?” “Depends on how it’s set up,” says Jared. “If there’s steps going down, then yes.” “There are,” says Jensen. “Are you free tomorrow? I could get you a guest pass.” Jared grins. “That sounds like fun. I haven’t been in a pool in forever. I went to hydrotherapy for a couple months after I had my hip replaced, but that was almost three years ago.” “Still got your swim trunks?” “Yeah, I just gotta find them.” Jared glances over at Sadie, who’s taking a nap on her bed. “Sadie can help me look later.” “Why don’t I come help you look?” suggests Jensen. “And maybe cook you dinner?” Jared can’t help but smile. “I would really like that.” “Do you like casseroles? I make this great chicken and broccoli alfredo casserole with whole wheat pasta.” “That sounds amazing,” replies Jared. “I think we’ve got some garlic bread in the freezer, too.” “Great!” Jared hears a door creak in the background. “Let me change and pack up the food and I’ll be right over.” Jared grins. “Can’t wait. See you soon.” He ends the call and pockets his phone. Jensen gets there about half an hour later. Jared’s not sure where he lives, just that he mostly works at home. He doesn’t even know what pool he uses. Sadie opens the door for Jensen and he comes in carrying a giant grocery bag. “Where’s your kitchen?” Jared turns his chair. “Follow me.” Jensen hoists the bag onto Jared’s countertop. “I didn’t know what you’d have, so I kinda brought everything. Except the pans. I hoped you’d have those.” “What do you need?” “I need a big pot to cook the pasta, a bowl to microwave the frozen broccoli, the biggest mixing bowl you have to mix everything, and a small mixing bowl for the topping.” Jensen starts taking jars and bags and boxes out of his grocery bag. Jared wheels into the kitchen. “Sadie, come here.” The wall cabinets in the kitchen are the standard ones, but the lower cabinets have been replaced with large drawers to be more accessible to Jared. He points to one of the drawers. “Open.” Sadie pulls open the drawer with a special strap. Jensen takes the pans he needs out and sets them on the counter. “Close it,” says Jared, and Sadie pushes it closed. She repeats the process until Jensen has collected everything he needs. Jensen starts cooking the pasta and cutting up the chicken with his own knife. Jared wheels back out of the kitchen to let him work, but he sits near the dining room table and watches Jensen’s progress. Once Jensen’s got the casserole assembled and in the oven, he sets a timer and comes out to sit with Jared and Sadie. “I guess you like to cook,” says Jared as Jensen wipes a splotch of alfredo sauce off of his t-shirt. “I’m not the best at it, but I do all right,” replies Jensen. “I know my way around a kitchen, and I haven’t set anything on fire yet that wasn’t supposed to be.” Jared raises an eyebrow at that. “There are things that are supposed to be?” Jensen grins, a hint of mischief sparkling in his eyes. “I like to make alcoholic pan sauces.” “That’s awfully fancy.” Jensen shrugs. “Not really. Not once you know what you’re doing. I used to live with a classically-trained chef, so I picked up a few things here and there.” He stands up. “You got any wine? A Chardonnay or Pinot Grigio would be best.” “I think we have some mini bottle of Pinot Grigio in the pantry.” Jared sends Sadie to open the door and wheels up to it. He locates the four-pack of mini bottles and carefully lifts two out. He sits them in his lap and then carefully sets them on the counter. “There are wine glasses in the big cabinet on the left of the stove.” Jensen retrieves the wine glasses and sets them out. “It’s a proper dinner for two now,” he says, smiling. He glances at the timer. “Oh, shit, I need to put the bread in.” He pulls the bag of garlic bread out of the freezer and hunts around till he finds a baking sheet. He quickly shoves the bread into the oven and adjusts the temperature slightly. “Okay, we’re good.” He comes back to the table and sits down. “You really didn’t have to do this, you know,” says Jared. “Gen would have fixed dinner when she got home.” “Well, I wanted to,” replies Jensen. “I haven’t seen you in three days, so I wanted to do something special for you.” Jared shakes his head, but he’s grinning. “Three days. Imagine if we’d been apart for a week or two.” “If I’d been away for a whole week, I wouldn’t bother stopping to eat,” replies Jensen with a smirk. “I’d have my way with you the second I got in the door.” He sobers. “I mean—can you—?” “My dick works just fine,” says Jared with a small chuckle. “However, it takes a lot of pillows and cushions to maintain certain positions for any length of time. I can’t put weight on my knees or hands, so I’m pretty limited in what I can do.” Jensen nods slowly. “But you can do some things…?” “It’ll make sense when you see it,” Jared assures him. “You’re a young, fit, healthy guy—you’ll do fine.” He reaches out and pats Jensen’s knee. Jensen grins, but the moment is ruined by the shriek of the timer. Jensen takes the pans out of the oven and dishes up the casserole and bread and brings the two plates to the table. He returns to the counter to pour the wine and grab the silverware. Once he sits down, Jared moans out loud at the amazing smell of herby, cheesy, garlicky goodness. “I hope it tastes as good as it smells!” Jensen beams and picks up his glass. “Better, actually.” Jared takes a bite of the casserole. Jensen’s right—it tastes even better than it looks. The crumbly topping is surprisingly flavorful and the cheese mixture is deliciously gooey and thick. The chicken is moist, the broccoli crisp, and Jared’s pretty much ready to marry Jensen if this is what he’s gonna get every night. Jared moans with pleasure again and Jensen blushes in the most adorable way. Jared doesn’t even remember his wine until after he’s cleaned his plate. “Please tell me you’re leaving the leftovers,” he says between sips of wine. “I guess you can have them,” Jensen replies, pretending to begrudgingly agree. “Good, then I’ll put out.” Jared smirks as Jensen nearly spits out his wine. Jensen swallows hard and coughs lightly a couple of times. “Shit, don’t do that!” “Sorry,” says Jared. “Offer still stands, though.” He wheels back from the table and points his chair toward his bedroom. “Come on, Sadie. Time to get ready for ‘bed’.” He trusts that Jensen will hear the air quotes. Once inside his bedroom, Jared pulls off his shirt and Sadie helps him shed his shoes, socks, and jeans, dropping them in the clothes hamper. With just his boxers left, he wheels to the door. “You can come in now,” he calls to Jensen. To Sadie, he says, “Open the clothes closet.” She obeys, pulling open the door of his clothes closet, where he stores his long-neglected sex wedge. Jensen comes in and Jared points to the closet. “Can you please grab the big red pillow and put it down at the foot of the bed?” Jensen nods and complies, even though it’s clear he’s not quite sure what he’s getting into. Jared slowly stands up and Sadie sticks close to his side as he maneuvers himself into place on the wedge cushion. It’s basically a bowtie-shaped cushion that puts his ass in perfect position without him having to support his weight on his legs to do it. Jensen gets the hint and sheds his own clothes, tossing them aside and moving to the end of Jared’s bed. He nods down at Jared’s shorts. “Need a hand with those?” “Definitely.” Jensen carefully slides Jared’s boxers over his hips and then his knees and feet. Sadie comes over and grips them with her teeth, which surprises Jensen, but he lets go. She puts them in the hamper and sits at attention next to the bed. “You’re off duty,” Jared tells her. “Go lie down, pretty girl.” Sadie trots off to her bed in the corner and Jensen turns to Jared. “It’s not gonna scar her for life if we fuck in front of her?” Jared laughs and shakes his head. “She’s seen it before. She’ll be asleep before we really get going, anyway.” He gestures at his nightstand. “There’s lube and condoms in the top drawer. Make yourself useful.” Jensen chuckles and opens the drawer. He grabs a condom and the bottle of lube and raises an eyebrow. “Well, someone’s a little overconfident.” “What can I say? I’m an optimist.” Jensen comes back over and sets the supplies on the mattress next to the cushion. Then he crosses to the doorway and turns out the lights, leaving only the glow of Jared’s alarm clock and the tabletop Christmas tree in the corner he never took down. He steps into the space between Jared’s legs and captures Jared’s lips for a kiss. Jared rests his ankles on Jensen’s hips, taking the pressure off his knees. Jensen’s tongue dances around Jared’s, giving him the barest hint of the sweetness of wine and the slight tang of Italian herbs. Jared’s almost fully hard now, and he can feel Jensen’s hard length pressing against his own. Jensen obviously feels it too, because he reaches down and takes both their cocks in one meaty fist. He swipes the tip of his thumb over Jared’s slit and Jared gasps, breaking the kiss to catch his breath. Jensen jacks them both just roughly enough to make Jared’s pulse pound in his ears. Jensen kisses a trail from Jared’s jaw down to the hollow of his throat, and drops to his knees to take Jared’s substantial cock into his mouth. Jared’s nerves sizzle with electricity as Jensen flicks a bead of precome off the slit and then flutters his tongue over the sensitive spot, eliciting a full-body shiver from Jared. He wraps his legs around Jensen’s shoulders as Jensen laves a thick stripe down Jared’s shaft to the base of his cock. He teases Jared’s balls with the tip of his tongue and Jared’s not sure he’s going to last until the main event. It’s been a long fucking time, okay? Jared throws his head back and tries to remember how to breathe as Jensen does beautifully obscene things to Jared’s cock. with his mouth and tongue. Finally, Jared reaches out and pushes Jensen away. “Enough teasing,” he rasps, voice hoarse from exertion even at this early stage. “Just fuck me already.” “Geez, you’re fuckin’ bossy.” But Jensen tears open the condom packet with his teeth and rolls it on. Then he squeezes a generous amount of lube onto his fingers and slides one cautiously into Jared’s hole. Jared throws his head back and forces himself to relax and breathe through it as Jensen presses further in. He hasn’t done this since college, and it’s long overdue. Jensen presses past the ring of muscle to brush the sweet spot and Jared chokes on a groan of pleasure. “You all right?” Jensen asks in a low, breathy voice. “Peachy.” Jared squeezes his eyes shut. “Keep goin’.” Jensen does as he’s told, adding a second finger and driving Jared nearly to the brink. It’s been way too fucking long. Jared slides his ankles back down to Jensen’s narrow hips. Jensen leans forward and covers Jared’s mouth with his own, swallowing the breathy gasps and bestowing upon Jared’s tongue the sweet essence of white wine. Jensen adds a third finger and Jared nearly loses it right then and there. He breaks the kiss. “Do it,” he gasps, barely audible. Jensen crooks his fingers in a way that makes Jared see starts. Then he draws them back and eases his considerable girth into Jared’s hole. Jensen’s bigger than his compact build would suggest, and Jared has to consciously relax to let him in. Jensen draws back and runs a hand through Jared’s hair. “Relax, babe. I gotcha.” “I know.” Jared curls his fingers around the edge of the cushion as Jensen starts to thrust in earnest. It’s almost too much for Jared’s already overloaded senses. The endorphins have kicked in, and Jared’s floating on a chemical high, completely free of pain for the first time in years. He moans, long and loud, and Jensen redoubles his efforts in response. Jared goes boneless as Jensen plunders his ass in ways Jared has only dreamed about. “So close,” breathes Jared, digging his heels into Jensen’s sides. Jensen hits home once, twice, and that’s it for Jared. He comes with the force of a thunderstorm, lightning singing along his nerves from his cock all the way to his toes. Jensen stutters in his rhythm and Jared feels the warm rush of Jensen’s release soon afterwards. Jensen pulls out with exaggerated care and drops to his knees, pressing his forehead between Jared’s thighs and gasping for breath like a dying man. Jared reaches down and grasps Jensen’s hair to pull him up toward the mattress. Jensen takes the hint and crawls up alongside Jared’s cushion, sprawling out and throwing an arm over Jared’s stomach. “Y’okay?” “Never better,” Jared replies without hesitation. “How ‘bout you?” “Gimme a minute.” Jensen’s panting like a dog in heat, and he curls in on himself and scrubs a hand over his eyes. “Holy fuck, that was hot.” “All thanks to you.” Jared runs a hand through Jensen’s sweat-dampened hair. “You did all the hard work.” Jensen pushes himself up on one elbow and presses his lips to Jared’s. “Don’t sell yourself short.” Jared smirks. “Nothin’ short about me.” “I’ll say,” replies Jensen, and kisses him again.