#this was actually difficult as hell im never using this ever again
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challenging myself by drawing wukong every day in a different art program
day 2 - animal jam
#this was actually difficult as hell im never using this ever again#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#sun wukong#my art#animal jam painting#2023
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He won't leave my fucking friends alone.
#tales from diana#sorry this is about that bad friend i have to break up w that ive posted abt on and off the past couple weeks/months maybe#i still have to send him that final 'i dont wanna speak to you ever again'#ive been fucking busy ok. my summer has been full of family events and obligations#i have one brother getting married and the other having a baby!!! i have a LIFE and SHIT TO DO and PPL TO BE THERE FOR other than YOU!!!#i havent spoken to him in over 2 months too and he knows it's bc i don't want to#he's so difficult bc you can't fucking tell him the truth. you can't!!! he can't handle it!!! do you know how hard it is to handle???#the things i have to do to cut him off. because he doesn't respect normal fucking boundaries. make ME feel like im in the wrong#like im the shady person and the liar.#i can't drift from him bc hell pull me back#i can't communicate w him bc he won't hear anything i have to say he'll just turn it around & make it abt himself.#he literally does not understand ppl having motivations to do things that don't relate to him#and he has no sympathy for what he does to other ppl. nothing but self-pity for how they don't like him anymore.#if he dealt w someone who put him through half of what he put ME through. no he couldn't actually.#i only allowed him to manipulate me for so long because i cared abt him. who i thought he was.#and he just point blank period doesn't care about other ppl. so he could never go through what ive gone through w him.#i feel like all this friend breakup has proven to me is that im actually a good person and it can be used against me by ppl who arent#some fucking lesson i needed to learn huh?#i hate feeling as negatively towards anyone as i do towards him. it's so hard for me not to have at least#a little spark of hope deep down for everyone. even ppl ive removed from my life before. i dont HATE them#theyve disappointed me or insulted me or mistreated me but at least their motivations seemed simple and clear#and MOST of them seemed to understand SOMEWHAT that they were in the wrong#even if they don't admit it to me or still find an excuse to hate me. whatever#i can see them as ppl who might feel remorse someday and grow from it#i do not see it in this guy. bc if you have a problem w him he'll only make it 20 times worse.#he's so selfish it genuinely baffles me to think about it. and he's one of the least honest ppl ive ever known.#he'll never see the error of his ways. i do not believe he has that capacity.#and will i say none of this to him? no#im just going to say thanks for leaving me alone these past couple months. it's been good for me.#i don't think i can continue our friendship anymore for my own sake.
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ACFTL Sneak Peak (Well, now I guess it’s a leak) Chapter Thoughts:
Spoilers below!!
This isn’t proofread if something is confusing please ask me in the replies for clarification
- The dedication to “anyone who ever wanted a second chance” is… almost ominous. On one hand it seems it’s like just a normal dedication but on the other it’s almost as if it’s a warning. Like Stephanie’s trying to warn a person who wants a second that it’s not always gonna end well.
- The story from the beginning about doorknobs was told before I believe and I think emphasizing this again is to allude to her ability to open doors with her blood. Will she figure this out again on her own? The doorknobs to what is rumored (The rumor’s probably true) to be the Valor children’s rooms in Wolf Hall spoke to her.
- Evangeline being absolutely lost is actually so sad to me. While I was reading the second page and it said she was feeling as if she couldn’t breathe I actually started to cry a bit. She’s in an unfamiliar location with no clue how she got there, when she got there, why she’s there.
- Her last memory is her father dying. 😭
- She doesn’t remember anything about Apollo but does remember there was something important she needed to say to someone. She doesn’t remember but it’s that she needs to tell Jacks she loves him. She slightly remembers Jacks even though she’s not able to attach a name to it. (I’m latching onto any hope I can)
- “Your memories were stolen by someone who’s been trying to tear us apart” Apollo if you don’t shut your ass up.
- “…and over his heart was a vibrant tattoo of two swords in the shape of a heart with a name in the center: Evangeline.” I CACKLED. THATS SO BAD 😭 IM DYING FROM SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT. She doesn’t really want you Apollo please give up.
- Apollo says that the marks on his back was the price he paid to return from Hell. Also the price Evangeline payed for your stupidity when you decided to get tortured😐 Who even tortured him? Or was it like done on purpose to have a story for why he came back. Doubt it’s the ladder because the curse wasn’t having him thinking right.
- Okay so Apollo’s not lying when he says Jacks put him in a suspended state but, Apollo, PLEASE calm down it’s not that deep. AND STOP LYING JACKS WOULD NEVER INTENTIONALLY HURT EVANGELINE
- Out poor boy Jacks is gonna have a difficult time in acftl 😭
- “You’re looking at me differently” he’s acting like she shouldn’t be…
- No Eva :((((( you didn’t trade your memories to be with him :(((( HE STOLE THEMMMM
- He makes her go back with him and then almost instantly leaves her. She is left as a shadow of herself because of him and he leaves her in her room to go handle matters. Like PLEASE how does Evangeline think this is okay.
- I- Stephanie please stop with mentions of arrows it reminds me of the fact Jacks is the Archer and what he’s been through (this is obviously why she’s doing this and i love and hate her for it)
- Wonder which door handles belong to which of the Valor children’s rooms. If what the rumors say is true. Feel like the one shaped like a dragon is Dane because he was a shifter and the one story LaLa told about him picking her up as a dragon or something. I’m not sure about the fairy wing one or wolf head with crown (maybe Aurora??) because we don’t know a lot about the Valor’s besides the basics. I am very excited to learn more though, they have a very interesting story.
- The fact Evangeline’s having to relive the grief she felt over the death of her parent’s because she doesn’t know it wasn’t very recent (thanks to her memories being stolen) is so tragic. I feel terrible for her :( It’s terrible having both your parents die but to have to deal with the grief twice?
- The door handles speaking to her is crazy because if I remember right known of the others ever did. I wonder why they do that. Probably because they’re old and from a family of people with magical gifts lmao. Plus Eva is literally a part of a prophecy connected to them. It’s gonna have some importance (hopefully)
- Really looking forward to learning again (or hopefully remembering) that she can open doors with her blood.
- Wait crazy theory, what if Stephanie’s making references to things from ouabh and tbona throughout the whole book? Like important things Evangeline forgot? That’s a bit of a stretch but I am writing this at 1 am so
- A few things have happened that are almost like deja vu/repeating history moments. If you think about it, it’s happened a lot throughout the books too. I’ll make a more in depth post on this at a later point.
- The maid Martine seems important. I don’t know what yet but there’s something. How could he just have moved so quickly from the Meridian Empire?? Something isn’t adding up especially her pause in speaking.
- “Her heart still hurt as if it had been broken” This is so sad Stephanie will be expecting many therapy bills after this book.
- It’s so upsetting that Evangeline can’t remember anything like our poor girl :(
- I don’t like this doctor but the helpers are odd
- Wait Evangeline is 17. I guess it makes some sense but like wow that’s crazy.
- I still really hate that reporter guy he’s annoying.
- Who is Yrell really because like why did they shut Telma up? There’s gotta be some reason.
- Okay okay the reporter guy just… disappeared? Like it was super quick too. wtf? How? Probably reading too much into this but how does he just disappear. It’s not like it would take a while to read that card there was nothing on it practically and then he just is gone.
- “He would carry her through more than freezing water” Eva darling that’s not Apollo that’s Jacks please remember 😭😭
- Apollo you are a monster not Jacks so stop lying. You removed Evangeline’s memories, you literally hunted her down and I do not care if you were cursed Jacks got over it before.
- He makes me SO mad. How can he so easily lie??
- APOLLO HAVING DADDY ISSUES
- He’s selfish to think a ton of people would make him monuments and stuff. Apollo you haven’t even done anything grand to help the people (that we know of) why would they do that?
- Who else knows Apollo took her memories? He says that someone does but that he won’t have to worry about them soon. No one else was right there and able to know? Right? I thought they were all in the Valory. It can’t be Jacks because it goes on to talk about Jacks directly after and it’s in a different manner.
- Crazy idea, what if because Apollo knows the Valor’s are out he thinks the one who’s able to see the future (Think his name is Vesper I don’t feel like looking right now) knows what he did 👀 I doubt it but.
- Apollo’s really upset over Jacks being better that he’s making reporter guy make his crimes uglier until he’s caught. He wants his name synonymous with vile, Apollo, you are synonymous with vile please shut the fck up <3
- Was it previously mentioned that the Great Houses have a council? I don’t think so but that makes sense I guess.
- Them talking about Luc attempting to steal the throne and calling him a whelp 💀 Where’d he run to? Back to Chaos’s? Kinda doubt that they have issues because Luc won’t listen to him or something. Wonder where he’s at and if he’s gonna be important this book.
- So funny to me that Wolfric Valor just shows up and is under the house of “Vale” like whose idea was that? It’s like the worst disguise ever Vale and Valor sound the exact same.
- How does Apollo know the Valor’s aren’t really dead? Unless it’s a secret that everyone in the Arcadian family line kept because Wolf Hall used to be the Valor’s.
- Am I the only one who doesn’t like Wolfric that much? I get bad vibes.
- Plus the whole betrothing his daughter to a dude named VENGEANCE
- I know he didn’t exactly know his name before betrothing her but you think he would’ve been like “uhm maybe not” HIS NAMES VENGEANCE I MEAN HE CAN’T BE GOOD
(Sorry had to rant about that because that whole story is absolutely wild to me)
- Who tf is Byron Belleflower. Like I know who he is he’s some lord but like who tf is that??
This whole thing probably doesn’t make sense I’m sleep deprived
#ouabh#tbona#acftl#stephanie garber#evajacks#caraval#evangeline fox#jacks prince of hearts#acftl spoilers#acftl theories#acftl sneak peak#apollo acadian#ew i tagged apollo
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joey give me ravenrock please im dying
- 🧠
🫡🫡
Meeting
Peter is more than a little bit stressed.
They have a potions essay due tomorrow and there’s a lot that he doesn’t remember about the Draught of Living Death. Probably because when Slughorn was explaining the properties of the potion last week, a very loud bang appeared from the direction of a certain two Gryffindors’ cauldron, emanating a smoke that had somehow dyed all their hair red. It’s safe to say the class was fairly disrupted after that. As was Peter’s evening, despite him having nothing to do with that particular incident. Sure, he provided a distraction for them to get away, but that was neither here nor there.
In any case, this evening he’s remove himself from the dorm room and Sirius current attempt to somehow get even further into Remus’ lap because he needs a bit of peace and quiet to remember what the hell a sopophorous bean does.
“It’s actually quite important,” Peter looks up from where he’s death-glaring the textbook that doesn’t give him anywhere near enough useful information, only to meet a pair of unfamiliar blue eyes. “The sopophorous bean is the key ingredient in the Draught of Living Death. It's what makes the potion induce that deep, dreamless slumber. Without it, the potion just wouldn't work the same way.”
The eyes belong to Benjy Fenwick, a Ravenclaw from their year, who is sitting at the table adjacent to him. Peter knows who he is, he knows the names of most people in their classes, but he doesn’t recall ever saying more than two words to him until now. “How did you-”
“You were muttering out loud and I figured I would give you a better answer than your piece of paper.”
Peter frowns. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your…” he looks down at the other boy’s parchment, which is adorned with some of the neatest writing Peter has ever seen.
“Charms homework,” Benjy finishes for him. “There’s no need to apologise, this conversation is far more interesting than learning how to splint an arm.”
“Ferula?”
Benjy nods, his lips stretching into a smile. “It seems you’re better at Charms than you are at Potions.”
Peter furrows his brows. “Rude.”
Benjy’s smile turns into a light laugh, Peter finds it increasingly difficult to maintain his irritated expression. “I’m only joking. You’re actually quite good at both.”
Peter blinks at him. “When have you seen me doing either?”
He raises his eyebrows. “Really? I’ve been in the same classes as you for six years now.”
“Well yeah, of course, but you can’t have paid enough attention to notice how good I am at it, surely?”
It’s Benjy’s turn to frown now. “You don’t think people notice you?”
“Well, sure, when I’m mucking around with the lads, but when I’m occasionally doing work? It’s nothing interesting.”
Benjy looks at him for a moment, the small crease between his eyebrows is far more distracting than it should be. “You really have no idea do you?”
“About what?”
“You’re always interesting.”
A soft smile causes an unexpected fluttering in Peter’s chest.
“I think the word McGonagall used was disruptive.”
He chuckles. “Well yes, that too.”
Peter grimaces. “Sorry.”
Benjy shakes his head. “You apologise a lot.”
Does he? He’s never really noticed.
“I guess it comes with the territory when you have friends like mine.” Peter’s tone isn’t resentful when he says this. He wouldn’t trade them for the world. Even if he does spend far too much time in McGonagall’s office.
“Yes, you are quite the bad boy, aren’t you?”
Peter screws up his face. “I don’t think anyone has said that about me ever.”
“I did, just now.”
“Well clearly you don’t know me well enough.”
Another laugh. It’s not at all mean though, like he’s laughing with Peter rather than at him. He smiles again then, eyes alight with something that Peter can’t quite name. “Maybe we could change that?”
The fluttering transforms into a proper thumping in his chest as Peter feels heat rush to his cheeks. “You want to get to know me?”
“Yes,” Benjy meets Peter’s eyes, captures his gaze. “I really do.”
Peter has no idea what’s happening right now. Doesn’t know how his lamenting over a rather annoying bean has led to what feels suspiciously like flirting.
He doesn’t mind it, though. Doesn’t mind it at all, and so he holds Benjy’s gaze for a second longer before smiling back, his cheeks definitely a shade pinker than they were a minute ago.
“Okay,” he nods.
“Cool,” Benjy nods back. “I guess I have to thank Flitwick for the Charms homework after all.”
“And why’s that?”
“I got to talk to a cute boy.”
Yep, he’s definitely blushing now. And he’s definitely going to fail his essay.
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FANFICTION Its 1:30 am so i wrote this out of no where
PG-13: talk of sexual themes but no sexual acts
TW: character worries about SA
Plot: Asexual Illumi finds himself having a heat unexpectedly after taking suppressants for too long. The closest safe place is Hisoka’s penthouse. Illumi just makes it in time.
PART 1
Hisoka was alarmed when Illumi Zoldyck showed up at his penthouse in full heat.
“Hisoka Im sorry I needed somewhere safe.” Illumi pants holding on to the door frame and shaking from trying to not to collapse.
Hisoka isn’t alarmed easily but right know Illumi seems 10 times more vulnerable then he has ever seen the man.
Illumi stumbles forward and Hisoka catches him. Illumi’s scent is amazing and Hisoka has to mentally slap himself.
Hisoka half caries Illumi to his bedroom. “I almost didn’t make it here,” Illumi starts to cry.
The sobs send chills through Hisoka, Illumi never cries he hardly ever shows emotion. That being said he has never seen Illumi in heat before so maybe this is normal for him?
Illumi is laid down on the bed and Hisoka sits next to him waiting for Illumi to say more.
“I-I almost didn’t make it. I could have died or worse, raped and left pregnant. Hisoka I was so scared. I almost didn’t get away.“ Hisoka hears Illumi’s deep voice break for the first time.
“Illumi you did make it though, you just stay here. You’ll be safe.” Maybe its his alpha instincts but Hisoka has a sudden strong urge to protect Illumi at all cost while he is in heat.
Despite his reputation for being promiscuous and constantly horny, at the age of 26 Hisoka is actually able to control his alpha very well. Yes, Illumi’s heat is effecting him but he respects Illumi enough to push that aside as much as he can.
“Illumi, I’ll be back in a moment I just need to go get some things. Is there anything medicine you usually take?”
“I don’t know,” Illumi’s breathing is ragged, “haven’t had a heat in years… suppressants.”
“You’re on suppressants? Was this heat expected?”
“No,” Illumi writhes struggle for words.
“Never mind we can talk later let me go get you somethings. I’ll be back as fast as I can.” With that Hisoka leaves the bedroom and heads swiftly for the kitchen. He takes two pill bottles from the cabinet and takes a pill from the first one; a suppressant of his own. He doesn’t usually take them but has them for emergencies like this to prevent him from going into rut. Then he gets a glass of water and a thermometer and heads back to Illumi.
Illumi looks worse than when he left. He is read hot and writhing trying desperately to hold himself back and maintain some dignity.
“Illumi here, something for the pain.” Hisoka helps Illumi take the pain medicine and drink some water.
“Thank you,” Illumi whispers through his ragged breathing.
Hisoka then used the forehead thermometer to check Illumi, 101.3F, he’ll be okay, Hisoka will watch it.
“Do you need anything else?” Hisoka asks then hesitantly adds, “I can help you if you want me to… I’m an alpha you know.”
“No,“ Illumi whispers immediately. “I-I dont like doing that.” Illumi cries harder.
“Hisoka I hate this.” Illumi feels scared and small, like being 17 again locked in his room having his first heat. Illumi doesn’t like to talk about it but he hates the idea of sex or anything sexual. It disgusts him. Heats are the only time he ever has sexual feeling and it is hell for him. This is why he always takes suppressants. He has only had 3 heats prior to this; once that first time at 17 again at 19 and again at 21. He was supposed to let himself have one every other year but last year it had been too difficult to make himself do it so against the advice of his doctor he had stayed on the pill illegally. He had been fine up until a couple hours ago when it had hit him like a freight train and he found himself far from home unable to protect himself.
“Okay okay, it was just an offer.” Hisoka watches Illumi curly up on his side, slick is wetting throw his pants.
“Wanna put something more comfortable on? Im gonna go grab some towels to put under you so you can stay clean.” Its unlike Hisoka to be this serious, especially about something that could warrant many sex jokes however the vulnerability Illumi is showing is enough of a shock to make him grow up for the time being.
Illumi hums is appreciation as Hisoka lays the bed with fresh towels and helps illumi into a nightgown. He leaves Illumi’s underwear on not wanting to make him feel unsafe.
Illumi finally falls asleep and Hisoka takes this opportunity to braid the man’s long raven hair so that it won’t be tangled with all the writhing and thrashing that will occur once he wakes.
#hunter x hunter#illumi zoldyck#hisoka morow#fanfic#omegaverse#asexual illumi#asexual#omega illumi#alpha hisoka#Illumi fanfic#hunter x hunter fanfic#hxh illumi#hisoka#fanfiction#hunter x hunter fanfiction#hxh#hxh fanfic#hxh 2011#pg13
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hi im bored and this is my professional opinion if seventeen r kitty or puppy coded and why because this is very important to me !!!!!!!!!
seungcheol : kitty coded
ok this was actually a really hard choice because he actually does have both kitty and puppy features but ultimately i decided kitty because hes so persian cat.
LOOK AT HIM POUTING.
but laura!!! he has a dog!!! YES I KNOW OKAY!! i LOVE kkuma. and as much as he wants to be a dog dad hes just a cat taking care of a dog beeeee so fr!!!!!
ok in conclusion realistically he can be both but like.. look at these photos and try spot the difference
cheol get well soon i miss u .
if u disagree then u just dont get the vision!
jeonghan : kitty coded
i have previously stated how he is a ragdoll cat. and yes, he really is.
hes so mischievous in like the best way ever, tell me a kitty wouldn't do that. U CANT!!!!
as a cat owner myself.. im just correct.
he 100% knows how to get someone to give him what he wants (treats) and he sits there all day looking fabulous and getting attention for being so cute.
also jeonghan get well soon im losing hair the longer ur gone.
anyway pls agree ive never been so confident in an answer in my life. dont ruin this
joshua : puppy coded
the more i look at shua smiling the more he reminds me of a cute puppy.
pls this man has me breaking down hes literally so cute.
i have no reason apart from the fact im so very sure he would be a puppy. and also hes an extrovert which automatically strikes me as a dog!!!
he looks like a fancy cat on a lot of pictures but dont let him gaslight u.
he told me himself hes a smiley shiba inu.
im a strong believer in puppy shua.
junhui : kitty coded
i feel like this is a very obvious answer but still
0% puppy in him. its all a very feral cat.
when i look at jun i think of a british shorthair kitty. a baby one in specific.
especially because hes playful as hell but also has his moments when he just prefers to be quiet and listen to the others.
he alternatively could just be a white and black cat.. it did occur to me while making this. however i still feel like a british shorthair is more suitable.
jun is so cat coded and even he knows it!
hoshi : kitty coded ?????
okay see my issue is that yes.. tigers are in the cat family. but do u not also ever look at hoshi playing around w the members and think that he could be a puppy if he wasnt so obsessed w tigers..
anyhow, he is kitty coded for the most part I GUESS.
sometimes he really does remind me of a hamster more than anything though, but again this isnt the point of this post.
ill give him this win and say he is a toyger cat.
HE LITERALLY LOOKS SO HAMSTER IN THE FIRST PIC ITS BUGGING ME.
look at him tryna convince everyone in that 2nd pic.. ok wtv he convinced me
wonwoo : kitty coded
so very calm, knows what his boundaries are, likes playing around once in a while.
wonwoo is THE black cat. one of those that are really well taken care of with short yet super soft fur.
same as jun.. u will never find any puppy energy in this man.
he has a dog too, but hes the most cat coded person u will ever see. this is why my cheol point was also correct.
im giggling those photos r so perfect. 3 wonwoos ^^^^^^
bye u legit cant even argue with this one if u wanted to
woozi : kitty coded
SHUT UP U KNOW IM RIGHTTTT!!
WOOZI IS SO KITTY I DONT CARE. I DONT EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN.
just as i know wonus a black cat, i know ujis a white cat.
hes so elegant yet so fun and so cute pls someone tie me down
the fact i already knew what photos im gonna use says enough.
i would also like to say that hes also very bear coded. like if hes not a cat hes a bear.
dokyeom : puppy coded
everyone cheered!!!!
dk has always been very puppy to me, even in interviews where hes speaking to people he doesnt know (which makes it difficult for him (and hoshi)), hes ALWAYS trying his best.
hes so cute!??!?!?! like, im really not good with dog breeds AT ALL, but he clearly is a pomeranian.
is he a grown 5'10 man? yes. is he also a very cute puppy breed? also yes. why? it just makes so much sense.
the 2 glasses photos were a coincidence but they somehow make him look even more puppy coded.
him in curly hair.. dude it doesnt get any better than that!!!
mingyu : puppy coded
DUH!!!! hes the puppiest out of all puppy in seventeen
surprisingly, i always see everyone call him a golden retriever which, personality wise I SO AGREE!!! but something itches my brain when hes compared to a husky. IT MAKES SM MORE SENSE NO??
i lied btw ive never seen anyone compare him to a husky this is me trying to drop my opinion without getting dragged.
theres not much else to say apart from that his emoji rep is litch a puppy so u cant deny it!
no matter what breed u wanna compare him to, itll still always be a dog
i truly wish i could see him as a cat but its just not right!
minghao : kitty coded
kitty coded through and through!!!!
i dont think i cld ever compare hao to a puppy?? his vibes r so cat.
SIAMESE CAT** let me say. dont u agree!!
hes so sassy and i feel like that rlly influences my opinion but also when have u ever looked at minghao and thought he was puppy coded. literally NEVER. i cant name u one time.
give him blue contacts and hes that cat in the middle (pls dont)
i rest my case thank yew!
seungkwan : BOTH?!
seungkwans a really difficult one for me. because he quite literally is both.
he has moments when hes so puppy coded then the next second hes the most kitty coded man ever.
same in selcas.. i cant even decide thru them!!!
if i really had to pick, id lean towards a cat, but again.. its too hard to decide.
therefore, he would be an orange kitty or a samoyed dog! :3
im sorry for cheating my way out of this one but i srsly cant decide.
vernon : kitty coded
chillest cat ever trust me.
vernon said himself he really likes cats and that made this even easier than it was before cause it just makes sm sense!
im aware vernon likes dogs too but him liking cats is so ?? vernon ??????
i always go back to that photo of him holding the baby kitty. hes such a cat person. literally look up vernon being a cat person on twt and theres a whole thread proving it!
this is why vernon is a siberian cat! he looks like it sm and he is chill like that ong
vernon and kitties give me life
dino : puppy coded
surprisingly i originally wanted to say kitty coded but after a think abt it.. hes clearly puppy coded
a very loved puppy by his 12 older brothers lolol
he always loves the attention and enjoys smiling and making others laugh a lot too..
do u guys remember that puppy interview? yeah.
his light brown hair was the prime border collie days!
i found that middle photo and immediately thought dino.
ok i originally didnt even mean to assign them all to breeds or wtv but it just happened... thank u for reading this is what happens when i get too bored!!! anyway i think i did pretty well so!
#laura : mind !#im gonna start a new tag for this...#just incase i get bored again in the future!!#laura : assigns !#yoonsdoll#svt#seventeen
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I absolutely love your content! I read the CNC drabbles and that got me thinking, what would the genshin boys do (zhongli, xiao, and anyone else you would like to add if you wish!) if the reader did call out the safe word?
IM PROBABLY GONNA WRITE DRABBLES FOR THIS BUT UNTIL THEN HEHEHE
xiao would definitely be the type to feel immense guilt right off the bat ): despite the appearance he tried to give of being cold and heartless he really cares so much more than anyone would ever think. and his greatest nightmare would be to unintentionally hurt those he cares for. and if he's in a relationship with u then he u doubtedly cares for you more than anything in the entire world. you're the one who set up the safeword bc let's face it xiao would have no concept of that. but once he understands the point of it he's behind it 1000% !!! he never thought that you'd ever actually have to use it but shit happens. he's a yaksha and he's unpredictable by nature due to the darkness that consumes him — sometimes his emotions go haywire and before he knew it, you were tearfully crying out the word ):
once you do use it he's basically shattered. he doesn't handle it well. he is by no means upset at you for using it but at himself for pushing u to it. he most likely flees in response — he doesn't know what else to do and he views himself as the enemy and that the only way you'll be safe is away from him. it'll be difficult to bring him back at first, he truly is remorseful and he doesn't know how to cope with making the mistake of hurting you ):
but when you do finally get him to return, you have a long talk and xiao lets u cling to him all u want while he apologizes. just let him dote on you while he does his best to make amends and bring peace back to himself <3
////
as for zhongli a safeword was probably a part of some kind of mutual agreement between the two of you. and unlike xiao, zhongli expected that at some point you would end up using it — that's what it's there for.
perhaps he was too rough, didn't prep you well enough, or maybe you just weren't in the right headspace. whatever it is, he's prepared!!
he doesn't feel as broken about it as xiao. while he feels sorry and guilty, he copes with it by making it his responsibility to care for you. he'll hold you and do whatever it is that you need bc that's what he's there for <3 he makes sure that you know he loves you and he is undoubtedly the type to sit down and have an agonizingly long talk about what went wrong. he files everything away to make sure that he can prevent further problems from arising again in the future. a
nd he really does do a great job of never making the same mistakes twice. hell never do the same position you didn't like unless u want to try again, is mindful of how deep and hard he goes, learns your body language to tell when you aren't really in the mood or when you start to dislike something!!!
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Do you have any good YA recommendations that have actually dark themes or depict teenagers in a way that's even remotely realistic? I never read YA bc it always feels so fake but maybe I'm not looking in the right places
OKAY so. please hear me out bc im abt to recommend u a fanfiction series but i swear to god its very far removed from the source material so u can just like. read it on its own. it’s called twin skeletons (here’s the link), and i’m sure i’ve talked abt or at least mentioned it on my blog before but its just very very special to me !! it rlly feels like ur getting in the heads of these Awful teenagers and all of the subjects r dealt w/ in like. such a raw & unfiltered way in my opinion. it doesnt feel fake or preachy or like the reader is being talked down to or anything. the writing can be messy & imperfect bc its a fic from a couple years ago, but i still think its so so good and so worth it. the characters felt so real to me & it was dark & complicated & frustrating & it managed to stick w me years after reading it & i love it so much. i use it as a big inspiration for how i would want to write teenagers if i ever. like. actually got arnd to writing anything. maybe my own sentimental feelings r making me biased but god i just think its such an amazing coming of age story and the writer just Understands how teenagers think and act so well and u should absolutely read it if u want a realistic YA story
for actual published work, i have more trouble bc u r right! finding published YA that doesnt try to water things down can unfortunately be v difficult & most of these r just books i read in my school’s library or in the Teen Section of my local bookstore a long time ago & particularly stuck w/ me & some of them im not even like. That sure counts as YA i just know that im a Young Adult who read & enjoyed it & it was also abt Young Adults. maybe its cheating but i honestly dont think that whether or not its Officially Supposed to Be YA is that important, im assuming ur just trying 2 find good coming of age stories
these arent in any particular order im just listing off whatever i think
speak by laurie halse anderson
allegedly by tiffany d jackson
forgive me, leonard peacock by matthew quick
dare me by megan abbott
perks of being a wallflower by stephen chbosky
catcher in the rye by jd salinger (uve most likely already read this but it wouldn’t feel right to leave this classic out)
my heart & other black holes by jasmine warga (a little rushed at times but felt like a breath of fresh air after trying to read annoyingly pretentious trainwrecks like fault in our stars & all the bright places. does what those novels Tried to do but manages it well in my opinion)
these violent delights by micah nemerever (not considered YA lol but i asked the author personally & the characters r like. 16-17 for majority of it & its an incredible book that i want everyone to read anyway so! why not put it here)
my dark vanessa by kate elizabeth russell (definitely not supposed to be YA but a lot of it is from the perspective of a teenage girl & i can imagine it being in my school’s library & its very good & relatable so!! again why not put it here!!)
black iris by elliot wake (i think this is considered more new adult than YA but whatever)
fault line by christa desir
forbidden by tabitha suzuma
hell followed with us by andrew joseph white (not sure if u can call this realistic considering its fantasy but its dark & definitely YA & it has body horror & i liked it so it’s going in)
house of hollow by krystal sutherland (again, this is a fantasy, but i thought it was pretty good when i read it & its YA so it’s going in)
i’m somewhat delirious after taking a nap so im srry if this is like 97% of me just rambling or not making sense. i know our tastes r probably not the same so some of these (or just YA in general) may not be for u but i rlly hope u enjoy or appreciate any of these if u ever decide to read them <3
#if anyone else has any recs feel free to comment them :]#i havent gotten the chance to read the raven cycle or all for the game but based on how ive seen ppl on here talk abt it they seem good#asks
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(@friendball-irl) OOC: No pressure or anything, especially since we haven't interacted much, but if you'd be willing to write a ficlet about an interaction between Brandy and Gray, I'd be thrilled! It probably could be about purchasing a custom Poke Ball or something, since that's a pretty reasonable excuse for the two of them to get in contact! Preferably the interaction would be digital, seeing as Gray hasn't been to Paldea yet, if that's alright. Again, no pressure, but I thought I'd at least send in the request!
[The following is a transcript of an IM conversation between Brandy Grovehurst and @friendball-irl]
Monday, June 3
Brandy: Hey there, stranger. I know we haven’t ever really met, but I hear you’re the guy to talk to for custom pokeballs.
Gray: Hey! Nice to meet you. You heard correct – what kind of pokeball are you looking for?
Brandy: Great, glad the rumor mill came through on this one. I just hatched a poochyena puppy, and she’s got a lot of health issues that are going to be an ongoing thing for her. She’s a rescue from a very unethical breeder.
Brandy: The vet suggested having a ball custom made for her to help support her. Most of her issues seem to be in her bone and muscle mass, so something to stop her from deteriorating as she gets older.
Brandy: Idk, they said something about a heal ball? I’m not and have never been a trainer, so I’m really kind of out of my depth with this one.
Gray: Oh jeez, I’m sorry to hear that. Caring for a pokemon that has those types of long term health issues can be really difficult. I’ll do what I can to make a supportive pokeball for her. I find a mix of timer ball and heal ball properties are best for these kinds of pokemon, to provide that long-term, low-grade healing effect.
Brandy: That sounds perfect.
Gray: Great. Are you also going to want any sort of visual customization?
Brandy: Visual customization?
Gray: Yeah, like any sort of special designs. I’m going to have to put some sort of design on the ball, so I like to check if there’s any kind of look that you would prefer.
Brandy: Oh, that’s sick actually. Well, I looked up what a heal ball looks like and…definitely not that. No pink please. Red and black are my colours. Um, is that enough?
Gray: Haha, no. But I can go through your blog for a bit of inspiration. Are you alright with me taking some artistic liberties?
Brandy: Yeah man, absolutely go for it.
Gray: Great. Can I grab your email to send you the invoice? I’ll start working on it once I get the deposit.
Brandy: For sure, send it to [email protected].
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Saturday, June 8
Gray: Hey there, just about done with your order. Mind if I send you a picture of the design for your approval before sealing it all in?
Brandy: Oh, great! Yeah man, let’s see it.
<Alt text: a picture of a custom-made pokeball. The bottom is black, and the background of the top half is red. Along the sides of the top half is a jagged black pattern, not unlike the black fur of a mightyena. A black and red band separates the two halves, and circles the button in the middle. The release button is red. A few centimeters above the button is a small, black heart.>
Brandy: Holy shit that’s so COOL
Brandy: Aw you got my little 🖤 on there. I love using 🖤
Brandy: This looks amazing. So glad I don’t have to carry around a pink n yellow ball for my special little lady.
Gray: I’m glad you like it! It should have better specs to support your little poochyena as well. I’ll get the design sealed and sent over to you within the next few days.
Brandy: Hell yeah, I’m excited. Thank you! Would happily recommend to anyone. If ever you need a ranger favour or like…idk, tree advice, just hit me up.
Gray: Ha, will do. Best to you and your puppy!
Brandy: Thanks!
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firewall; byakuya // gn! ultimate hacker s/o pt.3
so i tried something new with this part and tried not to use (y/n), but i feel like it made everything harder for me and i ended up losing motivation for a while. but luckily, i managed to finish it so i hope it hits like the other two parts. link to part 2.
cw; s/o orders a complicated coffee, so if you're a/were a starbucks worker or don't drink coffee, im sorry for the forced trauma.
byakuya had the feeling that they weren't going to make his new forced employment easy.
and he was right.
the first request he received from them was to get them a coffee because, quote, "they couldn't work without caffeine". it didn't seem that bad at first. that was until byakuya heard exactly what they wanted.
the affluent progeny has never heard a more complicated order in his life. he thought they wanted coffee, but with everything they wanted in it, it might as well not be coffee anymore. yes, he only drank black coffee. was it that obvious?
not only that, they wanted him to go to a coffee shop that was all the way across town to receive their sorry excuse of a coffee. when he asked why they wanted him to go there precisely, they replied "they know how to make my coffee correctly". it made him roll his eyes. he was pretty sure any coffee shop could make their… drink, so what's the difference?
byakuya wanted to ask, but they just give him their card and shooed him away to complete the task he was given.
if there was one thing that the ultimate affluent progeny was grateful for, it was the fact he was born into the togami family. and being born into the togami family meant that he was born rich. and being born rich meant he had many advantages commoners didn't have, like sending someone else to do his dirty work… which is what he did.
because there was no way in hell that he was going halfway across town just for a cup of coffee.
it took 30 minutes, but one of byakuya's assistants finally got him the coffee the hacker so graciously asked him for. once he retrieved the… concoction, he went to hand it over to them.
"here." byakuya placed the cup on the desk. the hacker raised an eyebrow. "that's it?" here we go. byakuya just knew they were going to make this difficult, but he didn't think it would be over a cup of coffee.
"yes, that "is it." that's all you asked for." byakuya retaliated. they leaned back in their chair and folded their arms. "well, seeing as i'm basically saving you, i would've at least expected you to at least get me a little something more." the affluent progeny gritted his teeth. a barrage of insults were waiting to fall off of his perfect tongue. but he forced himself to take a deep breath. he just needed to deal with them for a little bit longer, and then he could forget this ever happened.
"what do you want?" byakuya sighed. the hacker proceeded to tell him they wanted a specific thing to eat with their coffee from the same cafe halfway across town. he let out another exasperated sigh before walking out of the classroom, mourning the precious time he was wasting.
30 more minutes passed before he received the snack they wanted from his assistant.
byakuya went back inside the classroom to see the hacker just mindlessly finishing up their coffee. they looked from their phone at him. "took you long enough." they didn't even give him a thank as they took the snack from him. how ungrateful could they be?
they took a bite from their food and then looked up at him again. "do you mind getting me a refill?" the hacker asked, referring to their coffee. yes, he did mind. he very much minded. and so he told them so.
"i do mind, actually. i already got you your coffee." the words fell out of his mouth before he could stop himself, but he didn't take it back because he meant it. he was this close, this close, to just telling them off, but he knew how bad this virus was for the togami corporation. to be honest, that was the only thing that was keeping him sane enough to deal with the hacker for a whole hour at this point.
"togami~." they said in a sing-songy voice. "remember, you don't have all day." no, he didn't. he really didn't. but he really didn't want to wait another thirty minutes for their coffee.
byakuya sighed, giving up for the umpteenth time that day. he said nothing as he headed for the door when he heard a laugh. he turned to the source. the hacker was laughing to the point they were holding their stomach, tears coming out of their eyes.
the affluent progeny was confused and already very irritated. "what's so funny?" he asked in an irritated tone. it took them a moment to calm down before they answered.
"you. man, who knew you could be so willing to follow orders?" byakuya felt himself about to blow a fuse. and the hacker seemed to notice.
"calm down. here i'll get started." the string that was holding his little bit of patience was on its last leg. "ok, done." but it quickly snapped when it only took them a few short minutes to fix his problem.
"are you serious?! that's all?!" byakuya asked out of anger. the hacker had the nerve to nod their head. "yea. that's all you asked for." and they had the audacity to turn his words against him.
"how can i even be sure you even did your job correctly?" the affluent progeny asked as they packed their things up. the hacker cocked their eyebrow at him. "are you doubting my skills?" they questioned. "well, seeing as you were toying around with me for almost two hours while you did nothing but be useless, then suddenly it takes you least than five minutes, to fix the servers, i think i have every right to question your ability." his voice was laced with venom as he spoke. he was really at his limit
he watched as their face hardened. this was the first time he's seen them affected by his words. it momentarily stunned him for once. the hacker always seemed like an impenetrable fortress, so seeing them hurt… hurt.
"well," they said, slinging their bag over their shoulder, their voice slightly cracking, "go see for yourself." with that, they hurriedly walked past him and out of the door.
they left byakuya with a flurry of emotions he couldn't explain.
#danganronpa byakuya x reader#byakuya x reader#byakuya togami x reader#danganronpa byakuya#byakuya#byakuya togami#danganronpa trigger happy havoc#danganronpa thh#danganronpa#writings#writers#writing stuff#writers on tumblr
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this evening was a bit of a :|
a few hours after clare left benno told me that tmr we're gonna have to have a pub lunch w/ his family so i immediately freaked out bc this additional Thing on top of seeing boops & his gf last weekend + having clare this weekend (after like, 3y of nothing, bear in mind, so EVEN THO i was so happy to see them both it also took a decent amount of time to like stop being anxious + come down from that spike. like im still a little keyed up now. they both follow me on here btw + none of this is news to them i hope lol. i love u both im just insane x)
i got so angry (not at ben but at the situation, through fear) that i juts stopped talking and went away upstairs to lie in my bed to try and calm down alone
a few mins later ben came uptsairs + i immediately was like "i really just want to be alone actually" then realised he was crying so i was like ...ok come in (crying trumps general rage in terms of Need i think)
we think it's a long-term mental effect of the pandemic where he gets rly emotional after a social event ends bc it reminds him of like the 3y where it was just us in this tiny little universe + he panics bc i think he goes like straight to that place in his mind where he's just never gonna see anyone again? like every goodbye feels like it's gonna be forever
so anyway he tried to get me to talk about MY feelings during this time + i was just like sry i cant lol. you know when you're hollowed out inside through a combo of rage / general madness / having to remain compos mentis for someone else who needs you. AINT GONNA HAPPEN
so after that settled down i did message him on discord like "love u, not angry, will talk to you later this eve about MY feelings" (+ did stick to this obvs)
think the general sticking point is that while ben seems to have been a bit traumatised by lockdown + the social isolation i found it incredibly incredibly easy + stress-free, + have found the slow transition to normal life v difficult (and still do find it both difficult + incredible to watch in the sense that we're all just pretending covid is over bc like it's easier ig??). ill just c/p what i said to ben here:
"if you found the lockdown unexpectedly traumatic I found it lovely and have found the return to normal really difficult & think people are just pretending we're back to pre COVID times when we aren't and I find that cognitive dissonance very hard to deal with, I also can't stand gatherings based around food anyway as you know and it seems to literally be all that is ever on offer and it struck me in the same way as the pret in Portsmouth or you being invited out for the meal when my sister was here etc
busy couple of weeks that filled me with huge levels of anxiety and stress, thought tomorrow might be a bit more low key but no, got to to do something else I fucking loathe
just very fed up and tired"
he asked me again to talk to him more about my feelings instead of just suddenly crashing when something slightly unexpected happens - i said yes - i think im just confused by how much he wants me to talk to him about LOOOL like if i told him every single anxious thought or w/e id be talking to him 24/7 and it just feels like i dont know which thoughts are the ones to share + which aren't???
anyway w/e it got sorted out w/ solid communication i think tbh like ben says we wont do the lunch. i said that he could do it if he wants but there's not a chance in hell im stepping foot into that pub lmfao like there are so few things he wants to do that i actually refuse (hopefully if u read my blog regularly you will understand that this is true) but i have reached my limit on Events Not In My Comfort Zone, and idc if he wants to do it, he's welcome to, but i will walk around the village during that time
he was like "ok that's not gonna happen sweetie bc they'll think you hate them" so we're just not doing it. i do feel bad but also i literally like cannot do it? like i am just fully comfortable in the knowledge that i cannot do it, will not do it, and am simply not doing it. so if that means ben isnt gonna do it either that's just gonna have to be how it is. like not to be dismissive but ... this is how i am + he picked me knowing that so like.
OK loads more shit happened in the hour i took away from this post, benny thinks it might be worth postponing the woods trip just bc he's worried how to spin the lunch thing (whereas im like if you want to tell them im insane just tellt hem idc) but we had a good chat in bed + i love him a lot lol. i do like how good we are at emotionally comforting each other. i think we should 100% go tmr but he's a bit fragile (see above lol) so ill just defer to him on this one, im not exactly in a position to be like "JUST POWER THROUGH!!" hahahhaha anyway we'll see how he's feeling tmr. he's more cheerful now anyway bc we had a nice chat + committed to making some post-wedding plans as well so he wont feel that giant post-event freakout that seems to be plaguing him atm
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more ramblings
i’ve always hated that I’m so…  loud. I don’t mean the volume that I talk at or anything, I think I mean more so quantity of thoughts. my personal output. The sheer mass of it. I sit with this feeling and I wonder if I think i need to take up space at the chance to be seen in it. if I want to convey to you that there are in fact thoughts in my head, do you see them? have I proven to you that I think as well? or do I just have… A lot on my mind (yeah). I take a moment to think about this thought, if it’s shallow, if I’m not giving everyone else the complexity that I give myself (sometimes I don’t want complexity. sometimes I feel too simple - bunch of half baked thoughts that don’t have conclusions. simplicity as complexity? write that half baked one down. Think about it later when I’m too far from the origin. maybe it’ll make sense maybe it won’t).  anyway, I don’t think that’s it. I think I recognize it’s hard for me to know people. it’s hard for me to let them know me bc it’s hard for me to realize that they can catch the important words a throw into the mix. i’m strategically plotting our conversation (theres not THAT much strategy. its just defense disguised as offense). what you can know about me. what I’d like you to know. what I can’t say it out right. but did you catch it? it’s hard for me to realize you might not catch any of it at all. 
I admire people who don’t say words in excess. very sincere earnest people who don’t feel the need to fill the white space between us. how are you so sure. are you? am I overthinking this again.  and what do you think about me? do you like me (why do I need this so badly? like forgiveness from a priest. if I grew up Catholic, confession would ruin my life One way or another).  maybe it’s not that either. maybe I’ve spent so long estranged from my feelings it’s difficult for me to find my own perspective on them. i’ve spent so long trying to perceive the lens of others, on me, on themselves, on everything else that’s in between us, outside of us, that has nothing to do with us. i’d like to ask you how I should feel. The data intake tells me that’s an inappropriate question.  but I’d like to ask you if you ever feel that way? how nice it would be to let someone take the reins Who knows what to do with them. or in the least knows them better than you. i’d like to ask you if you ever thought God was in your brain and helped you choose your feelings. no real input, but the thought he was always there was looming. stressed you the hell out. I grew up thinking God was constantly in my head, just surveying. I wonder if that feels self important. The idea that God knew me so intimately.  that I didn’t know him at all. (I have The opposite of a god complex? a person complex? thats extremely silly)
im constantly thinking about whales. i limit how much i bring them up in conversation. i’m constantly thinking of the second coming. I don’t even believe in God anymore.  the rapture came in 1874 and we are whats left. it’s a joke. but I think of the possibility that that happened and we didn’t notice. its ironic. i think irony makes me feel smart for a moment (im in on the joke! not the subject of it! im in on the joke that i am the subject of! actually, that is funny. its also other things). I Google what rapture means: A feeling of intense pleasure or joy. is this an unreliable narrative? is the act of God leaving us behind the greatest thing thats happened to us? leaving my brain the best thing that’s ever happened to me? The fact he was never there at all? is it lonely to be in your head by yourself? i’ve been spending too much time dwelling. rambling! i’d like to play more video games.
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Genshin Impact, Hoyoverse and the problems Twitter wont allow you to critique
The Genshin fandom is unique to me. I have been in many fandoms and some of them were incredebly toxic. I watched Netflix´s Voltron and engaged with the fandom.
What makes Genshins fandom so odd to me is how hellbend they are to defend Hoyoverse. Even against reasonable outrage. To the point they demand you echo chamber every single post of any kind and never breathe out a negative opinion ever. And I dont get it.
Now personally I have this quirk where I struggle to talk about the things I like in media I enjoy. I cant meaningfully vocalize why I enjoy something. I just do. I like the look, the feel or the plot and I do just because.
But when it comes to things I dislike in the media I enjoy I can actually go much more in depths and when I talk to people I want to have something to say beyond "Heh this character looks neat." I want to have meaningful conversations. But this fandom doesnt let me do that.
If you like something and enjoy it you can still dislike aspects of it and if its a game or product activly being rolled out you should voice these dislikes in hopes of making a change.
That is how I feel. Of course I take part in surveys but I also post it online or under related posts, assuming people are willing to discuss.
Instead I get pushed back and told to silence myself or go into a lonely corner where I cant bother anyone and I dont understand why. What makes Hoyoverse so deserving of this kind of protection. Im just one random as hell person. They stock market wont crash when I say their character design after Yelan has become stale, uninspired and down right ugly in Tighnaris case. "I like him." Is not a good argument to disprove my points. Of course you can like him, Im not saying you shouldnt! Or you cant.
But what has Hoyoverse done to deserve the defensive fandom?
-Shit on their fans
-releasing bugged or broken characters (Xinyan is still not fixed)
-41 out of 43 characters are pale with only 1 new tanned character in sight
-6 body models they are stubbornly holding onto (Itto being shafted by the fans obsessing over Ayato who turned out 100 times more boring than Itto)
-A weird fixation on keeping the toddler body type exlcusivly female (Lolicon bait)
-The Anniversary debacle
-Exploititive publicity stunts
-They are stingy with rewards, at least compared to the other gacha games I play. (You get 150 primos for clearing Floor 12 in the Abyss, the worst and most difficult thing to do in this game and you do not get a single pull for it.)
-They make the game a pain/impossible for new players
The laundry list could probably go on if we get really nitpicky. But I personally am mostly concerned about plot and character design. As well as Quality of life. I will rund down my issues.
Plot:
Every big event, usually the big event of the new patch, has a very important plot detail put in it. Recently in the chasm we learned what happened to the lost Yaksha. But any new player joining will not have that information. They cannot experience said cutszenes themselves they need to outsource to you tube, external to Hoyoverse.
You cant even rewatch regular cutszenes without going to random you tube channels.
Character Design:
I think the biggest issue is quite obvious. The skin type diversity does not exist. Neither does body type. Character design is strictly bound to 6 models. Toddler, teenager x2, adult x2 and kinda slightly more buff man. And thats it. Despite enemy models having more unique shapes. So models exist that could be used? Granted Im not a game developer so maybe that would be difficult to pull off. We currently have 43 playable characters with 4 unique skin types. Pale, 1 character with a warmer pale skin tone and 1 character with grey skin and then 2 tanned characters.
Since Im not allowed to argue about representation according to Twitter I will just say that seeing the same stuff over and over again is becoming quite stale. Even for me. A white lady.
We now got the Fatui Harbingers revealed and that seems hype at first until you realize that on one hand they are generic anime villains you have all seen before. And on the other hand Hoyoverses strict 6 model concept made it obvious which of them will die for sure. Which really shouldnt happen.
Dont get attatched to Igor but Genshin, tiny elderly man is not a viable playable model, he is dead meat.
Sumeru in general has no theme to its designs, even excluding leaks (though the official art confirmed the leaks as accurate) while you could tell if a character was from Mondstadt, Inazuma or Liyue you seriously cant with Sumeru. Tighnari and Dori look so unlike each other I would believe you if you told me they were from different games.
Quality of Life:
The most obvious issues is the Artifact RNG, I think its the one thing we can all agree on. But also why cant we safe artifact sets to quick switch between builds?
Most importantly though New Players. If you were to join now and pull Kujo Sara off the standard banner you would get stuck with a completely useless unit until you finish all of Mondstadt and Liyue and some long winding quests in Inazuma. By then you probably already invested in more accessable characters and no longer need a Kujo Sara or you no longer like her because of the hassle. And maybe you think its not that bad. But it wont get better over time. Imagine the last region comes out. And you see the cryo archon deciding thats the character you will start playing for… if you even get her you then have her in Mondstadt. If you´re lucky someone pointed out the test run so you can at least get her to lvl 40. But thats it. Until you do EVERYTHING to get to Sneznaya you will not be able to level her talents. Get her past lvl 40 etc. Making your Archon a brick you have to drag along.
And this needs to be pointed out and complained about or it wont change and lets be real here! Hoyoverse doesnt read our surveys. Its just a front to make us feel heard. Customer Service is so bad you are lucky if you get a hacked account back, though even if you do they dont restore destroyed or wasted currency or items.
The fix isnt even that difficult. Put in a traveling merchant who sells materials like Kujo Saras flowers. Hell put a buying limit of ten each week in and cycle it out each day.
Make a dream solvent type item for regular bosses. So you can transform the loot from the cryo regisvine into that of the electro oceanid. Hoyoverse still forces you to farm for resin but you can level your character at least.
I sincerely like the game despite my rough tone on twitter, but I am frustrated and feel unseen and silenced by a fanbase that rather die on the hill of defending a BILLION dollar company than admit flaws with this game. I just want the game improve and not be milked and lef tin the dust for other games. Because thats what happening. Genshin is financing Star Rail and other Hoyoverse projects and they put in the bare minimum for their cash cow to stay marketable when New Players are truely the ones most fucked over.
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Moodboard for when its barely past 10 am and the horrors.
Also long ass fucking rant under the cut tw for mentions of depression, disordered eating, suicidal thoughts, shitty mom. Its been a bad morning im sorryyyyyyy ♡
Literally why does my mother care so much more about her fiances kids than us. I dont think she actually loves them more, ik she loves us a lot which is weirdly part of what makes her so difficult to be around. But shes has so much more compassion and concern for them.
Two of his kids have been depressed and with the first one she like talked about it with me and described this whole plan they had where they were gonna sit down with her and comfort her and give her space to talk if she wanted and make sure she knew she wasnt in trouble. She was so sympathetic it was fucking unbelievable. And his other daughter is apparently in a bad spot rn so hes taking a day off from work to spend time with her and my mother is planning this whole dinner thing with everyone to get her socializing and out of the house a little bit to help her feel a little better. Like are you FUCKING kidding me lmfao.
When I was 13 and I had to go into treatment because I was gonna kms she spent almost the entire time guilt tripping me and yelling at me and making me feel like shit because it was "so hard for her" and I was "trying to make her feel like a bad mother" and "making people think she was abusive". Nicest thing she did was buy me McDonalds when I got discharged and she brought it up constantly for months afterwards. I was practically never allowed to leave the house already, but she started restricting me even more. She'd get angry at me for not talking to her about my problems (because she believed I was doing it to try to make her feel guilty) but if I ever told her I'd had a panic attack or a flashback shed get annoyed and say "well I dont know what you want me to do about it" OR shed freak the fuck out about how I was only saying that to get attention or make her feel like she wasnt doing a good job as my parent. She found out the people at the facility said there were some changes she could make that might help my mental health, and she got so upset that my grandma took me out for a few hours so I wouldn't have to be around her until she'd cooled down a little.
I've regularly been so suicidal that I had detailed plans written up for how I was going to go through with it and I never sought help for it again because I knew from experience how shed respond. The only things that have kept me alive for years at a time were my little brother and the fear of hell instilled in me by my Christian upbringing lmfao. And here she is planning out social events and spending hours comforting her fiance's kids when they hit a rough patch. Are you fucking serious? You had this in you the whole fucking time?
I could write a whole fucking essay on the role she's played in my disordered eating patterns. I could write an even longer essay about how she handled my sexual abuse. Her accusations that I was sleeping with everyone got even worse whwn she found out lmfao. And this fucking cunt wants to make dinner and get ice cream for her FIANCE'S KIDS because theyre sad. Obviously I'm glad shes treating them better but like christ what makes them so much better? Is it because theyre smart and come from a nicer family? They have an actual future ahead of them because theyre uprbinging didnt traumatize them? Is it that theyre not tainted like I am I dont get it what about me is so horrible that she couldnt even hug me when I was a child and she cares so much about another persons kids
#this should be on my vent blog but i forgot about it when i started typing and im too lazy to copy and paste everything over there#so here you go i hope yall like mommy issues ♡#ask to tag#tw csa mention#csa mention#ed mention#tags are so fucking weird why are there so many options can we just pick one#BAD MORNING SORRY. APOLOGIES#delete later
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back on here entirely so i can scream into a void where i feel like nobody can hear bc nobody looks at these that i know personally
i rlly think. that its like ... absolute bullshit that like. i feel like every single person i have ever dated (bar exactly one) has come at me with bad faith assumptions
like. im SO aware that this breakup was nobody's fault and also both of our faults, but it's just. SO insanely frustrating to be seen as the bad person 24/7. like, yes, i did things wrong in this relationship. but i was NOT the only person who made mistakes and it's just like.... somewhat infuriating to not feel heard out
like ... i'm not going to say anything here that could link back identity-wise to who i dated, because the person doesn't deserve that and i sincerely hope the best for said person moving forward.
HOWEVER. venting time! bc i have zero friends i can vent to in private so my nonexistent followers on tumblr get to hear abt it
i think the biggest reason the breakup exactly happened is just straight up miscommunication and mental health conflicts. like ... our first argument was because there was a communication conflict, where i was blind-sided by them bringing up directly that they had an issue with how i was behaving, and due to how my apology was worded, they reacted in bad faith. we both ended up apologizing, and agreed that i needed to be more forthcoming with inviting him to do things with me, and he had to communicate clearer.
i did my best to uphold my part of the agreement we made after our talk, and when i tried three different times to spend actual quality time with him, very directly asking if he still wanted to do it and doing my best to be understanding when he kept brushing me off, even though i was incredibly upset about it. he promised me that he'd do it with me, and then never brought it up again, not even to apologize for not being able to follow through. which made me get a bit resentful, probably also due to my own ptsd making me particularly sensitive about the entire thing. so i decided to drop it until he brought it up first, which i'm fully aware is petty and i should've just SAID something, but tbh i just. that singular moment kinda broke my trust in him to a point. the most frustrating thing to me is that it is not his fault in any way, he'd been going through a HELL of a difficult time, which made me feel like my own issues severely paled in comparison and made me want to just ... wait out my own emotions until i felt better.
in combination with his in-built way of communicating not being one i understand whatsoever, as he is very subtle and passive in communication - which i don't pick up, as i mentioned during the initial argument we had, as i need DIRECT comments instead of like... testing the waters type talking. it's why i don't understand flirting whatsoever in a majority of cases, it's WAY too subtle for me to understand. which again, isn't his fault, but he literally said that he'd try to communicate clearer after the argument. and then didn't. which is again, another thing where i'm like. i understand, it can be really difficult when you aren't used to doing it, but it's just ... frustrating. and i feel like i sound really defensive because like. i am also VERY used to people just straight up manipulating me or talking circles around me in that annoying as hell subtle passive way and then claiming i'm the one in the wrong when everything would be solved if they just. actually told me directly that they need something from me. instead of constantly HINTING at wanting or hoping they get something.
so as a result, he ends up feeling like he's communicating and not getting any response from me, and i end up feeling like he isn't communicating whatsoever and get blind-sided when he gets upset enough to be blunt.
tbh i'm also still like ... ???????????? about how the entire break-up happened, because it's like ... ????
i posted on the current social media that i am active on that i was having a psychotic episode (which i may or may not still be having, who knows. it sure does do a fantastic job of ruining my relationships everytime i have one) and was like. generally using a light-hearted "haha wow this sucks lol can't wait for business as usual to happen once i feel better"
and then slept all day bc my hives got dramatically worse as of recently (probably due to stress + the like) bc my hives being super bad (which. yaaaaaaaaaaaay more prednisone to fix me .... and a change in antihistamines) so i just . get sleepy. because that's what happens when i'm sick. i sleep
and apparently he jumped to conclusions??? and got worried that i was dead because i hadn't been online after making a post about having a psychotic episode???????? which i'm like. fair, considering his issues, but also *where on earth did that assumption come from?*
like.... a) my psychosis isn't the violent type, and i'm very careful to keep myself away from sharp objects if i get even the INKLING of self-harm thoughts, and have never self-harmed or harmed anyone else or anything more severe EVER in the first place
and b) ??????????????????? why are you immediately assuming that my psychosis is the violent kind????????????? like ... ??????
like yes, i know he's like. dealing with his own issues in his personal life and mental health but also . //////?????????...........?????????????????????????????? where on earth did that come from .....
tbh i'm also think i'm just like. upset about how combative he was for the breakup also :) like literally saying that "even my *therapist* said we should break up" as if my own therapist literally didn't allude to the exact same thing ... though ig he's never gonna know about that considering yknow. blocking me directly after breaking up with me (which yknow what. fair. i've done the same thing. still annoying tho)
and to a point during all of this i'm like ............ i am VERY aware that i should be feeling like. worse for him during all of this. but like my empathy is so low rn that i just. physically cannot. i was already doing my best with like . not getting upset at him in the first place bc i didn't want to add to the stress he was going through. and isolating myself so that i didn't snap at anyone bc i'm still being INCREDIBLY irritable (if you cant tell lol)
idk i guess i'm just like. neither of us were in the right in this relationship, and perhaps i am simply having ptsd in the sense of "why the fuck am i being villainized when i wasn't the only one in the wrong here". or perhaps i'm simply insane and trying to make myself excuses like how he claimed me explaining myself during the argument was an excuse. who knows
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Have i fucking ever given you a reason to think im a scumbag, think real fucking hard. After everything we went through, all the support, all the "love" and appreciation for eachother. I have been nothing but there for you. I have done nothing but try to be understanding towards you and patient. Sometimes we didnt communicate and it made things difficult, but was i a scumbag? Did i ever do anything to you or anyone to make you think i didnt try my best to be there or helpful or a good fucking person. I dont like drama, i dont hate anyone, i dont want to see anyone upset or angry, especially you. You deserve the fucking world, everyone does. So what the fuck happened man, what makes you think i was actually talking shit about you. Whos twisting my words or your mind and why was it so easy for you to disregard all ive been towards you over the past year. Best manager ive ever had and one of my best friends, you got me my job and ive been slowly recovering and pleased to be there. Now what, you think im so much of an asshole you guys banned me from the stores and were ready to press charges over something i said? What did i say, fucking call me and tell me. Cuz i dont fucking know. If you think i drunk talked to people i havent. I havent been drunk at work since you told me to never do it again, and that was when i was working for you. Drunk now? Drunk texting people at my job now? No, and no. Im about to go to work and be anxious about how everyone there probably thinks im a scumbag now, whole town probably lowkey thinks it because thats the kind of place it is. All regulars, lots of drama. If i wanted to make your life hell i couldve told everyone we fucking slept together, an obvious lie and we both know it but everyone else would question and talk about it. That would be a scumbag move. Would i? No, never, even now being as pissed off as i am. I respected your requests. The "dont text back, delete those posts, etc". I lied to him about kissing you, all of it to help try and keep your mental state okay while mine fucking broke. Ive only ever spoken highly of you at my job. Ive lied so much to the people asking why i quit working for you to save your image because i still fucking care about you. "I left because i didnt enjoy some of the people i worked with and it was just a stressful environment to work in, or just needed to feel like i was moving up in the world or needed a change of pace". You dont think im important anymore or am not a good person? Who are you. What the fuck happened to you man. We were good friends and you were so quick to toss me aside fucking multiple time. Getting past the "relationship" was a good reason to toss me aside. It def helped us both give up on that, but tossing aside our friendship like we didnt have one. Tossing me aside now, thinking ive just became an asshole in the past few weeks and am trying to shit on your life? Are you just saying all this to try and get past me or what idk man, if you are and care about me at all anymore then please fucking stop because youre hurting me even more. Like what the fuck man. Im so pissed off at you right now, and i should hate you but i just fucking cant and thats pissing me off even more. Forgive all my swearing to any christians reading this if anyone reads this at all, but i try to be a man of God and you know that too. So i forgive you for thinking im some cunt now. I forgive you for the emotional rollercoaster waiting for you to change was. You said you ruined my life, you didnt. You damaged me and broke me but i forgive you, im repairable. I still have my whole life ahead of me. I wasnt it, i wasnt enough, i wasnt the one, i wasnt important, everything you said i was, wasnt, even though you said you meant everything you say to me. Its all very clear to me now thank you. I forgive you. Youve really pissed me tf off though. Youve always wondered/wanted to see me get pissed off, well here it is, congrats you did it.
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