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the-heaminator · 10 months

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Both actually succeeded in waking up before the time that they would be late in the morning, Arthur felt like shit, he needed his coffee, whatever that was last night had seemingly passed, he collected the forms, and filled a couple out when he got the time, changed and sped off to the closest coffee place, his order was a little concerning "As many shots of espresso as fill a large cup, and nothing else."

It frankly just tasted like coffee, he put a fuck ton of sugar into it, before he had to be off again, drinking it on the go, he felt better after that, not exactly calmer but more focused, he clocked in and found Ivan, it wasn't hard, he was usually in one of two places, the mechanics and engineering area or staring out of the exact same window, this time he was doing the latter, he rocked up looking more than a bit feral, Ivan wrinkled his nose, not in distaste, but because Arthur was a bit whiffy and smelled like truly unreasonable amounts of coffee.

Arthur opened his mouth to say something that he later forgot because he was cut off by Ivan saying "You smell like the devil's ballsack, Jesus fucking Christ."

"That was a nice greeting Ivan." Oh, he was definitely on too much caffeine, he was speaking a good bit faster than he normally was, the sarcasm was almost lost on him because of the speed but he just about managed to grab it.

"You do though, how much coffee did you drink? We don't want to scare off the estate agents."

"Just a cup, and what do we have to do with those leeches?"

"Don't you remember, we have the house viewing today?"

"Eh?" he thought for a moment, Ivan could see the cogs in his mind slowly turning "Fuck i forgot about that!"

"Don't worry, I have everything signed and all, you signed it the night before, we are in the clear, but my point still stands. You smell like the devil's ballsack."

"How would you know how that smells eh?"

"Experience."

You cannot frankly say anything to that, so Arthur didn't, Ivan took a bottle (canister?) of bodyspray out of one of numerous pockets, Arthur didn't question why he carried that, it had a lot of practical uses, to disguise a scent, to lead someone off a trail, to use it as a makeshift flamethrower, and also apparently to choke someone rather effectively at that "What the fuck was that for!"

His lungs did not like that at all, and he stood there coughing and spluttering for a while, Ivan grinned, toothy, he was frankly about to lose his shit but he didn't "See, better, you smell like a human, whether you look like one is debatable but we can work on that, now come, the viewing is in a few hours, we have to get the children, and I checked, the bus ride is like 2 hours long."

Arthur was not looking forward to that in the slightest, frankly, neither was Ivan, long bus rides were the spawn of satan honestly, Arthur coughed a little more up before choking out 14 different curses but followed Ivan to the children's room, Ivan gently rapped the door, it was still early and it was doubtful that all of them would be awake, and true to fashion, only Matthew came to answer the door, he looked tired like he had just woken up, he squinted up at Ivan "What do you want?"

"Did we not tell you that the house viewing would be today?" Both knew they didn't, they were supposed to have done this yesterday but were busy doing whatever it was that went down in their minds, so did not get the time to fulfil that, Matthew yawned "I have no memory of this, and it's too early, come back in a couple of hours, everyone is going to be cranky."

Arthur spoke, Matthew wrinkled his nose, he smelt like too much bodyspray and too much coffee, when he opened his mouth "About that, apparently the viewing is in a couple hours and the bus drive there is 2 hours."

Matthew groaned, "Can't either of you drive?" he did not very much want a 2-hour bus ride, he had had a couple of them before and they were always so mind-numbingly boring.

"Not legally, I'm half blind and he's half deaf and apparently that means we can't drive without getting that fixed and a specific driving test, so unfortunately not."

Alfred grumbled and shifted under the blankets, looked blearily at the door, and mumbled "Whadda fuck?" before shambling up looking a bit like a cryptid with how he had grabbed the blankets around him, it was a little funny to see, the humour was lost on Arthur at the moment though, a bit too antsy to get what needed to be done done.

Ivan didn't exactly hear what Alfred said, but he could figure it out "House viewing, we need to go soon."

"'s too early."

"What?"

"It's too early!"

"It's only 8?"

"Too early!

Arthur spoke, "We need to wake up Jack and Eleanor too, they are easy enough to wake up are they not?"

Alfred yawned, well, he was now awake, against his will, but he was awake, he gave a long shuddering yawn "Y-y-yeah, Matt's the only one that sleeps like the dead, and you smell bad enough that they'd wake up as soon as you got near them."

Arthur frowned, he would take more personal offence to those words if his head was working properly, still a little fuzzy from whatever yesterday was "A little mean of you to say that, completely uncalled for." He did sound a tad detached, as he almost floated into the room to wake up the other two, Jack buried himself deeper into the blanket when his head was uncovered, Arthur prodded him a little, then shook him, the final act did get him somewhere "Mgf? Who're you?"

He waited for Jack to recalibrate, blink the sleep out of his eyes "Oh, it's you, what do you want?"

"You have to get up," he wasn't even looking at Jack, more like looking through him.

"Whyyyy? it's too early."

"No it's not, get up."

There was significantly less tenderness there, he moved to wake Eleanor, who didn't actually need to be awoken, she woke up on her own pretty early anyways, and there were too many people speaking for her to speak for much longer, and Alfred was speaking loudly, presumably to get Ivan to hear what on earth it was that he was saying, frankly he was loud as it was, Matthew more needed to speak loud out of intent.

"Good, so you are awake as it is."

Her voice was still heavy with sleep "You said someth-" punctuated by a huge yawn "-ing about a house looking?"

"House viewing."

"No difference."

She had a point there, he needed to stop being pedantic "Anyways, get up, all of you get ready."

Ivan properly stepped inside, the door closed, Alfred and Matthew busied themselves with getting themselves and then the younger ones ready, it was always a bit of work to wrestle Eleanor into anything that looked halfway presentable, she had like 3 dresses for such instances, and she hated every single one of them, the one she hated the least was a dark red frock that had little birds embroidered onto it, but it was itchy, apparently no one ever had the idea of making her wear a white shirt underneath that to stop it from itching.

Ivan came up with that idea, Alfred facepalmed, that made so much sense, she changed, and looked considerably happier now that she was no longer itchy, she still didn't like wearing dresses but this was a considerable improvement, Jack very much could dress himself, he just looked like he came out of a bush at all times, Arthur practically had to wrestle him, something he was pretty good at all things considered, to get him to sit down for a moment to do his hair.#

Much like Arthur's, it refused to be styled or even to sit still for a moment, but he did find more leaves than should be found in the hair of any one child "Christ alive when was the last time you washed your hair?"

"Two days ago, why?"

"You have 3 different types of leaves in your hair, how on earth did you go about doing that?"

"I was looking for frogs."

Arthur clucked his tongue "You're not going to find frogs in this weather, they come out when it is warm and damp, they'll be looking to breed in the spring and summer, you're not finding frogs in February."

He turned to look at Arthur "Cool! so I can go looking for frogs in the summer then!"

"Turn around and stop moving."

Jack almost growled but stayed still, Arthur did something, and his hair was mostly in one place, Matthew was in awe "How did you do that? His hair never stays still!"

"Neither does mine, the same thing applies to his hair."

Alfred did his own hair, and Matthew did his own too, Matthew had nice hair, it was almost strawberry blonde, like 2 shades away from being ginger, Alfred's was the colour of ready-to-harvest wheat, Jack's was a very dark brown, Eleanor's was almost black, Ivan was braiding it, Matthew could do loose braids but she always found a way to make them look a mess.

"I didn't know you could braid hair?"

"I had sisters, I always did my younger sister's hair, I'm good at it."

How Ivan still had the muscle memory for it was beyond Arthur, before he realised he often braided rope to make it stronger, that makes sense, he was heavy too, the same cable that would support his weight would not do that for Ivam, practical too, he felt a bit foolish now that he thought about it.

She had very nice hair, long and silky, and very heavy, if he did one braid it could very easily be used as a weapon if a heavy elastic was put at the bottom, he did two to prevent it being used on him, and also she looked considerably better with two.

"Done, do you like your hair?"

She looked in the mirror, and poked the braids, "Yes, they are very strong, Matthew usually does them too loose."

"Matthew come here, let me show you. He pulled out a length of cord from yet another pocket, Matthew didn't question why he had that on him, spy things probably, knotted it on the top and showed him that he had to keep each strand pulled before looping over the other, so on and so forth, he got it pretty fast actually.

Arthur had been standing awkwardly in the corner, he had his briefcase in hand staring out of the window "We should probably leave now, I don't know how long the bus will take if any delays are involved."

Alfred got up, Eleanor grabbed a notepad and a pen, she would not let it be taken from her, and she had this odd little pink calculator that she carried with her everywhere for some unfathomable reason, that was in her dress pocket, at least she wouldn't be too bored n the bus ride, Jack got away with taking a little...well no one was exactly sure about what that was, it was an odd little fiddly thing that could be taken apart and be put back together in numerous different ways.

Alfred and Matthew were too old for something of that sort, they had the agency-provided phones, cellphones to be that, anything else could very easily be tracked without very specific protection, and they were children so the fancy equipment wasn't given to them.

The phones that Arthur and Ivan had were considerably nicer, but there was next to nothing downloaded on them, there were so many passwords everywhere, they carried around phones similar to Alfred and Matthew's for general calls because the agency-provided ones were difficult, Ivan could work them, he was quite good with technology, but been to him they were a bit too much hassle, and Arthur was frankly a bit shit with technology so that really did not help his case.

Well guess they would just have to be bored.

When leaving, the security looked at them oddly, she was used to seeing those two go on missions by themselves, but there had been word on the grapevine that they were either being retired or relegated as informants, what she didn't know that the cover required 4 children and them to be married, she could see the wedding bands, Ivan forced himself to look serious, Erze loved teasing the everloving shit out of him, Lovino hadn't yet worked up the courage to do so, he was a mostly new recruit, and both Ivan and Arthur scared him, "So where are you six going?"

"House viewing." Both her eyebrows raised enough they almost disappeared into her hair "Christ so the rumours were true. Are you actually being retired?"

"By Mary no, not yet at least, we got relegated to information, which is...less than ideal, but we can't do anything about it anymore, so oh well."

"Well, you two have been getting quite old, it was probably a long time coming. A really long time coming"

The children just decided to listen and not say anything, everyone but Jack understood that intuitively, he had to be told because he was never the greatest at reading the room, the conversation continued "We aren't that old."

"Both of you were born in the mid 70's no? And almost everyone I've seen retired was like 30 max. You both are nearly 50, relatively speaking, yea you're fucking old now, and Francis, did you hear he was put into admin, I think they were doing a clear-out or something."

Arthur made a face "You aren't that young anymore Erze either." Arthur would file that information about Francis away for later

"Hey, I just turned 33. You've still got a decade and a half on me."

Jack was fighting not to explode, as was Alfred, Jack made a sound that sounded awfully like a balloon being deflated, this was just odd to watch, the lady, Erze, liked them quite a bit "And so these four are meant to be your undercover? Isn't being married not enough."

Arthur froze, fuck they had forgotten to take off the rings, it felt nice on his finger, so much so that he immediately forgot it was there "Yes, Yao said it was because they needed somewhere to go, and it isn't frankly safe for them to stay here for too long."

"He has a lot more faith in your parenting abilities than I would say is a particularly good idea, but I mean, they're pretty sensible and you've managed to keep yourselves alive for the past 50ish years, so I mean, it can't go too bad, now shoo, go to wherever you needed to go."

She let them through, smiled softly at Eleanor, who really did like her, she took that as a compliment because Eleanor didn't like a lot of people, and then went back to her work, Lovino looked at her oddly "You're 33?"

"Mind your next words very carefully."

That shut him up, anything he could say could be taken in a bad way and well, she was strong, she was sometimes used as an operative, for good reason, and in physical training, she could snap him in half with her bare hands, so shutting up was the best thing he could do.

The little chitchat over there had saved them a bit, they only had to wait a couple of minutes for the bus, it was a Saturday, so there were no children in the bus, and they were making good time, Alfred and Matthew sped up to the second decker of the bus, Ivan hit his head on the roof of the bus more than once, he had to hunch quite a lot to avoid it, the bus was practically empty so Jack and Eleanor took the front seats in front of the big window and pretended to drive the bus, because of course they did.

To be fair that entertained the both of them for a good while, it was a clear day, cold but clear, Alfred fell asleep rather quickly on Matthew's shoulder, he should have actually gone to sleep at a decent time last night, but no, he fell asleep at like 3 am, tinkering about when he really shouldn't have been, he was tired as all fuck, he was not used to operating on 5 hours of sleep at all.

Matthew saw that coming but Alfred was heavy, and he was hungry, they hadn't had breakfast in their hurry to leave, he looked behind him, he could see Ivan staring off into space so hard he almost went cross-eyed, Arthur was reading the information about the house quickly, or at least he was trying, some of the fine print, actually all of the fine print, he couldn't read, he sheepishly asked Matthew to read it, he knew about half the words in the more monetary side of things, but everything else considered this actually sounded like a pretty nice place, 3 bedroom, living room, garden, near the sea, this seemed nice.

He handed the papers back to Arthur, Ivan had fallen asleep momentarily, Arthur jabbed him in where he thought his ribs were, he couldn't feel the ribs very well, but it woke Ivan up, he had only lightly dozed off and looked affronted at this manner of waking him up, but he was right, this was not the place to sleep, and he had gotten plenty of sleep over the past couple days, this was not the time.

Jack had finally bored from looking out the window, started fiddling with his little thingamabob, Eleanor was trying to draw something, she couldn't draw very well but she had drawn so many birds over time that yea she knew how to draw a crow from memory, in a very childish style of course, but reflecting of the style of old anatomical prints that she found in the library corners that had clearly not been looked at in so long, she liked tracing animals.

She did hate drawing feathers though, it looked considerably wonkier than usual due to being in a moving vehicle, it consumed a lot of her time, Jack stopped fiddling and watched her draw for a while, it was always nice to see, very few people got on the bus, maybe like 3 more people come onto the top deck, 2 of them disembarked, Ivan was growing suspicious of the one that stayed, but he got off a good couple stops before they needed to, so it was unlikely that they were being tailed. Good.

Alfred hadn't woken up once, Arthur was a little worried about him, the floatiness from earlier had mostly dissipated, good thing that was, he could not afford to be woozy in a time like this, there were other people around him for Christ's sake, this wasn't just about him and Ivan anymore.

They disembarked, Ivan hit his head hard again, cursed a lot of things, and Jack whined that he was hungry, Eleanor needed to piss, Alfred was not entirely present, still half asleep, and Matthew was also hungry, Ivan too, this was not going particularly well.

But they made it in good time, the house in question, 17 Priglestone Close, bit of an odd name, but it could be worse frankly, it wasn't even a proper estate agent, some other informant lived here before a while ago, the "estate agent" just so happened to be nobody but Antonio, massive gossiper of a man he was, but he could pull off the energy of an estate agent very well, oh this is going to send rumours all through the fucking agency wasn't it.

He looked genuinely surprised that they did actually show up, somehow he felt like this was a whole practical joke or something, It was beyond difficult to imagine those two settling down, they had been a staple in most high-stakes missions ever since Antonio had been there, and likely for a good long time before that, Christ they were actually getting relegated, he was not prepared for that.

Less was he prepared for the children to actually be there, so this was actually happening huh?

He was always a little scared of those two, they were always so good at their job, they killed without remorse, carried out orders single-mindedly, they were frankly scary, but they did look old now, not in uniform, not during a mission, not covered in blood, they looked human now.

He didn't have too much time to dwell on it for much longer, he didn't want to displease them, he showed them around the house, "As you will be aware, you're going to be provided with the furniture and everything."

Jack had sped off into the garden after checking out the rooms and kitchen and bathroom and stuff, and just next door someone looked over the fence at him "Who are you?"

"Who are you?"

"I asked first."

"Jack."

"Last name?"

"Ehhhhhh?? It's long."

"How long?"

"16 letters, 17 if we include the dash." Mental maths was never his strong suit.

"So then what is it?"

"Braginsky-Kirkland."

"That's 17 letters, 18 with the dash."

"Don't be weird about it, what is your name."

"Ludwig Belichmidt."

"What are you, German?"

"What are you, Russian Costco?"

That was a fair thing to say, the boy, Ludwig, asked "So what are you doing here anyways, no one has lived there in ages!"

"We're going to live here in a bit, I think."

"Jack who are you talking to?" Alfred called from inside, something made redundant by Alfred walking into the garden, someone yelled something in German that neither could understand, Ludwig yelled back, and someone else came out.

Immediately the tension on the room...err...outdoors, thickened "Jack who is this you're talking to?"

"Oh, that's Ludwig."

"And that's Jack the Russian Costco!"

Both Alfred and whoever that oddly pale kid across the fence was, were concerned, Jack the Russian Costco?? The two seemed happy enough about it, hadn't they met like not even 5 minutes ago?

Did Jack's animal magnetism work on humans too or something because this was odd, Jack continued "I don't know who he is though."

"Gilbert Belichmidt at your service." They tried to shake hands over the fence but Jack was a bit too short for that.

Jack laughed a little "So you're brothers! Yiu don't look like eachother at all."

"I'm too awesome for that." He didn't elaborate further and glared at Alfred, waiting for him to introduce himself

"Alfred F. Um....Um...Braginsky-Kirkland at your service."

Ludwig asked "What does the F stand for?" Jack also wanted to know that actually, Alfred always avoided the question when he asked, "Yea Alfie what does it stand for?"

He looked a little embarrassed "Ok fine, only because I know you're not going to stop pestering me Jack."

He took a breath, flushed a bit "It stands for Fly-From-Fornication."

Jack and Gilbert lost their collective shits while Ludwig was doing the maths.

"Wait, wait, wait, does that mean your full name is 41 letters long, without the dashes?"

Alfred hadn't actually done the maths before but that sounded about right "Yea, unfortunately."

Gilbert looked at the two closely, "You don't look like brothers either?"

Briskly "Adopted, I got my brother, hes got her sister, so I mean. We aren't related but we are in the same family."

"Fuckin' weird, who are your parents anyways then?"

Alfred really didn't want to call Arthur and Ivan his dads, not yet at least, but if he was to keep their cover then he would have to "Our dads are inside looking at the house, with my brother and his sister."

Ludwig's eyes went so wide "A man can marry a man? I didn't know that!"

"I mean, yeah you can, just don't ask Opa, I don't think he would be very pleased about it ok?"

Matthew sidled outside with Eleanor in tow, Jack and Ludwig were vibing so hard over the fence that a couple squirrels had come to watch.

"Gilbert, this is my brother Matthew, and that's Jack's sister Eleanor."

She was far too short to see over the fence, so she thumped against it and said "I'm here too."

Gilbert analysed all of them, he gave not half a mind to whatever Ludwig and Jack were doing because whatever it was was incredibly strong in the vibe department, Matthew did look a lot like Alfred, Eleanor a lot like Jack except she looked a little more predisposed to violence, just based off vibes. It may have also been because she was short and was staring up at him with very green eyes, with murder in them.

He lingered too long on Alfred for some reason, curse him, he shouldn't take the Lord's name in vain but Christ was this not a good sign at all for him.

Opa called them, they had to go, Jack and Ludwig already had hit it off so well that they already high fived to the best of thier ability over the fence, which missed but the sentiment was still there.

Arthur and Ivan finally came out to check out the garden with Antonio, spacious, had a tree, had space for flower beds, they knew they didn't have a choice but really this place was good.

The furniture was still to arrive, but yes, it was good, arranging the furniture would be an undertaking but they had done it so many times before that it really was no big deal "This is a pretty nice place, who were you talking to Jack, Alfred?"

"Neighbours, they're really nice!"

Jack really did like the neigbours, he barely knew Ludwig but he wanted to have so much fun with him.

Alfred made an odd little face, Arthur could recognise that, he hoped it wasn't but it was there clear as day, what is is I'm not telling you, fuck you, but you can probably figure it out "Yea...they're fine I guess."

Ivan clapped his hands, what he thought was lightly, it was not lightly, "Right, so who is hungry?"

Everyone save for Arthur was very much hungry, Arthur probably was too he just couldn't tell too well.

The arrangements were done inside with Antonio, the same signature was used as were with the rest of the housing documents so the government wouldn't get too concerned, they were good at this, they wouldn't slip up too easily.

Ivan remembered seeing a McDonalds on the way here, couldn't be more than a couple minutes walk, so they did just that, bidding a very surprised Antonio with the documents, the man still wasn't sure any of this actually happened.

"Lo siento, what the fuck was that?

No one answered him so he went about his day and getting the documents back to the agency without being too odd about it, the children were hungry and it wasn't every day they got to go outside of the protection of the agency building and even rarer that they got proper fast food!

The agency liked testing nutrient mixtures on them, and while some of them were indeed quite nutritious, most of them tasted like ass, not like Alfred particularly cared, the man was hungry most of the time and well, he was also quite heavy because of it, it might've tasted bad but eh he was hungry.

They all had big appetites, and none of them had eaten since last night, the total cost of food for the 6 of them came to nearly 45 pounds, which was a lot, but all the children fucking loved it, they all had a healthy appetite, Arthur had to be mildly cajoled into eating something, but he did eventually, the spare food was taken to be eaten in the bus.

The bus ride was...boring, as expected, everyone was awake this time, going back had them leave the children, they could practically feel the gossip crawling up their spine as they walked through the halls, doing it together made it considerably worse, they had been summoned by Yao again, this.

This could actually maybe not go too bad.

Maybe.

But christ Arthur was full, he needed his coffee, but according to Ivan he looked a bit more human so that was something.

"Come in you two. I've been expecting this."

#Spy au #The heam writes #Bro is being productive #Ruseng #Hws England #hws Russia #Hws america #hws canada #Hws australia #Hws New Zealand #Hws Germany #Hws prussia #Hws hungary #Hws spain

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bumblebeerror · 2 years

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Be as mad as you want at C!Techno for killing C!Tubbo at the festival, but I want you to consider a few things.

Techno is one of the newest members of the server, doesn’t know many people, and has chosen to trust basically only Wilbur whether for good or ill

Wilbur actively and openly distrusts Tubbo

Techno has no real connection to why that is, or why Tommy and Tubbo are so close, and frankly he has no reason to be seeing as Wilbur seems to be the only one who informs him on their plans in any capacity

Techno is chronically uninformed the entire time he’s with Pogtopia. He’s not even told that the festival will be blown up. Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo all know. The only other person on his side who doesn’t know is Niki.

Pogtopia arc Techno is the pvp equivalent to a stray fucking cat, in that he has no idea what anyone else has and repeatedly runs away from people with more gear than him even in one on one battles. It’s not a stretch to understand why it may be daunting to take on the entire server while his allies watch and refuse to help him

Techno hesitates, stalls, and we see him glance up at Wilbur at least once, looking for an order. Techno is being used in more ways than one, and he’s definitely being used as a weapon by BOTH Schlatt and Wilbur.

Even if we don’t know how many lives Techno has, we know that Tubbo still has more than one. It makes sense that a Techno with one life would choose to kill Tubbo to escape this situation where his life is clearly threatened. Especially because, as he reminds everyone, he’s not a hero. It’s callous, it’s calculated, and it’s a slap to the face. But it’s also (Minecraft roleplay) war.

Techno isn’t a tank PVPr, if you’ve ever watched him fight. Hell, in doomsday he took on the whole server and what was, dare I ask, his main advantages? A massive wolf army that made it difficult for anyone to touch him? Ranged weapons? Pearls? Speed and strength pots? Invisibility pots? Tricks and fighting dirty? Slow fall potions and trident flight? Man fights by being fast and manuverable and taking advantage of confusion. Tubbo had zero armor, no weapons, no pearls. In a 1v15, they’d both be dead as fuck because techno couldn’t just fight in that situation, he’d have to stay in one place and defend from all sides. That’s impossible. It’s why he waits to see if Wilbur will help him - at least they’ve got bows and armor, it might have been possible. It’s what I mean when I say Wilbur is using him as a weapon here, too.

I mean sure, he won when he accidentally started that fight. But did you pay attention to how? Because it wasn’t that he just sat there - he sprayed the crowd a few times, and then he fucking dipped. Not something he could have safely done with Tubbo in tow without any help.

Peer pressure and being caught in the moment are a hell of a drug. Think about Schlatt’s death - Schlatt was a democratically elected president who opened up the borders and helped to create a more diverse populous in L’Manberg, despite his more dictatorous actions. Not to defend him, but seeing as Dream is somehow alive despite torturing Tommy and doing fucked up shit all round, I think it’s not unreasonable to say that Schlatt probably didn’t really deserve to die over being imprisoned or simply deposed. But the hype probably still had you on board with it, right?

Techno makes it clear as crystal that he’s a mercenary, he wants to help, but he’s not there to die for their cause; only to farm massive amounts of resources and outfit them all to the best of his abilities. He’s loyal to them, enough to save them more than once, but he’s not there to lay down his life for Wilbur.

He also made it clear that he’s *not a good guy*. He tells us flat out that he’s not totally on board with what Wilbur’s doing, and that his only true loyalty at the time is anarchy.

I’m not saying killing Tubbo wasn’t a bad thing, but honestly, if it was you, and you had only one life, would you have fought that impossible battle on purpose?

#dsmp analysis #the red festival #technoblade

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nothingunrealistic · 5 years

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be more chill, august 4, 2019

Cast: Troy Iwata as Rich, OBC otherwise

More Than Survive

“girls! …boys!” is still in the show! Jeremy Heere: Not Cishet

there’s a drawing of a tesseract on the blackboard in the classroom. what are they teaching these kids?

there are posters advertising several school clubs, including chess club and Spanish club. (those were the only ones I could make out.)

Jeremy doesn’t even look at Christine when she’s telling him there’s something written on his backpack.

for most of Michael’s solo, Jeremy just looks frustrated with Michael for not listening to him, rather than relieved to see him.

as Michael and Jeremy are harmonizing on “Christiiiine,” Christine (having already signed up for the play) runs around them in circles. Naruto running, to be specific.

I Love Play Rehearsal

Michael physically shoves Jeremy into rehearsal as he’s verbally hyping himself up to go in.

when Jeremy asks if this is where to meet for the play, Christine looks around in disbelief and gestures to the podium when telling him it’s actually where to meet for the swim team, and Jeremy goes “what??” and spins around looking equally disbelieving.

after telling Jeremy that play rehearsal is “fun,” Christine shuts herself up — and then very gradually turns around to look back at Jeremy, and sees he’s still listening attentively, which gives her the courage to say more.

the few times Jeremy speaks in this scene, his speech is even more stilted than in the first scene, and he practically doubles over from nerves at some points — most notably when Christine comes VERY close to kissing him and then pulls away to Scream.

Jeremy anticipates Christine saying that play rehearsal is starting “now,” and starts to form the word “now” just as she says “soon” instead.

Jeremy gets shoved off his chair by Rich and ends up on the floor, as do most of the characters.

Jeremy’s expressions throughout Jake and Christine’s conversation epitomize “looking into the camera like you’re on The Office,” especially after Jake describes Juliet as “that girl who died.” when Jake is telling Christine about the pressure he always feels, he not-so-subtly flexes his arm muscles, and Jeremy looks at his own arm with disappointment.

Christine leans on the podium in an obvious attempt to look Cool And Casual while Jake is talking to her, though she’s clearly nervous, and surprised when Jake tells her he’s doing the play for her.

the other ninety percent of this post is under the cut (with pictures!)

The Squip Song

I’ve seen Gerard’s Rich described as trying to fight/resist his SQUIP throughout this song and clearly not wanting to tell Jeremy what he’s telling him. Troy’s Rich isn’t anything like that — other than smacking himself to snap out of lisping, he doesn’t seem to be having an issue with his SQUIP at all.

Jeremy, on the other hand, spends the whole song flinching away from Rich — on Rich’s string of “then then then then then…” Jeremy is continually backing away from him, until he’s backed all the way into the proscenium and Rich is RIGHT in front of him.

on the “blip” of “on the school social map you’re just a blip!” Rich boops Jeremy’s nose, which would be adorable if Jeremy weren’t terrified.

in his reprise of the song, Jeremy attempts the hand choreography that Rich was doing in telling him about the SQUIP, and fails miserably.

Two-Player Game

Michael is drinking the Crystal Pepsi that he’s comparing Jeremy to. that can’t be safe.

when Mr. Heere enters, Michael is curled up on the floor, so only his back and feet are visible to Mr. Heere — no wonder he didn’t recognize Michael.

Mr. Heere and Michael exchange Understanding looks behind Jeremy’s back after “that’s why most people aren’t your father.”

The Squip Enters

the Scary Stockboy communicates exclusively in grunts for several lines. think Tim Allen on Home Improvement.

Jake, Christine, and Jenna are looking on in confusion as Jeremy is first talking to his SQUIP, and he gestures to Christine that he’s okay.

Be More Chill, Pt. 1

Jeremy has fun following the SQUIP’s instructions at first — he goes over the top with arching his back, puffing out his chest, and walking with Swagger, looking cheerful all the while. he doesn’t look unhappy until the SQUIP tells him that “all your nerdiness is ugly,” which it does while physically moving his head/face around with its hands to look at him better. (it does that to him a couple other times too.)

after “everything about you makes me want to die,” Jeremy mutters “oh God, oh no” repeatedly, in addition to breathing hard and fast. in this song, and throughout the first act, he mouths “what?” and other phrases to himself in reaction to everything happening around him.

Troy plays a mall employee in the mall scenes, rather than whatever character Gerard plays.

the mall people get Right up in Jeremy’s face when telling him he sucks.

the girl’s shirt Jeremy picks out is the shirt Chloe’s holding in this picture, which is nothing like what I would have expected.

Do You Wanna Ride?

Brooke’s attempts at seduction involve twirling around the straw from her can of La Croix (which sprays some in Chloe’s eye), crawling on the floor, and shoving the can into Jeremy’s chest. oh, Brooke.

Brooke also emphasizes the “ex” when telling Jeremy about her ex-boyfriend.

Be More Chill, Pt. 2

“I can… access the mall security cameras” is clearly a hasty lie from the SQUIP.

Jeremy falls asleep sideways on his bed once he gets home, and the SQUIP makes him tuck himself in — possibly the first instance of it controlling Jeremy’s body?

Sync Up

while opening his laptop, Jeremy makes beeping noises to the melody of More Than Survive, which is also playing in the background at that moment.

“I was just going to check my email” was delivered angrily rather than defensively.

Jeremy’s “ooooh” in response to his vision being fixed is also Tim Allen-esque.

as Jake passes by, the SQUIP tells Jeremy to “make a fist,” just in time for Jake to do an elaborate handshake/fist bump with Jeremy.

while the SQUIP is telling Jeremy about Chloe’s obsession with status, Chloe is leaning against the side of a bank of lockers, trying to collect herself and calm down.

Brooke reads the French phrase she’s using to try to impress Jeremy off of her hand.

during various instrumental breaks, Jeremy does the Squip Song hand choreography in sync with Rich and later the SQUIP, and cycles through greeting all the other students (bumping hips with and high fiving people, taking a selfie with Jenna, etc). it’s a great illustration of the “good hand-eye coordination” allegedly required for success in life and for how the SQUIP is helping Jeremy already, and also just really cool to watch. the lack of an applause break after the song was disappointing because I desperately wanted to clap for all that.

A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into

Brooke is hovering over Chloe’s shoulder while Chloe is confronting Christine about Jake, even twirling her hair in time with Chloe doing the same.

the curtains part on the school’s stage to reveal Rich twerking. he immediately scurries off.

most of Jenna’s Midsummer lines are delivered in a normal voice, but “one thousand years ago this midsummer” is in the most over-the-top Shakespearean voice imaginable.

Jeremy starts coughing the moment the SQUIP stops delivering his monologue through him, and looks shocked that it happened at all.

Christine is carrying the box of prop hearts when complimenting Jeremy on how Into This he is. wonderful visual symbolism.

as previously mentioned, the extended bowling ball dialogue (all occurring while the SQUIP looks on in confusion and disgust):

Christine: …and at the end, I give birth to the bowling ball! Jeremy [clapping]: That sounds awesome! And very… theatrical! Christine: Well, thank you. If you don’t mind — [hands over the bowling ball] Jeremy: Oh, yeah — Christine: Just for a moment… [both cooing over the “baby”] Christine: Don’t cry, you’re just a BALL! [takes it from Jeremy’s arms and rolls it offstage; both laughing] Christine: Ten! Jeremy: Win!

the other students pass back and forth behind the partly open curtains with the prop hearts (which are hinged in the middle) before passing between Jeremy and Christine with them.

Christine gets very close to Jeremy’s face, as if to kiss him, again, before revealing that the guy that she’d kinda be into is Jake.

Upgrade

Brooke sits on the ground and clings to/wraps herself around Jeremy’s legs while telling him about Eminem’s death; she slides onto Jeremy’s lap from a higher row of the bleachers to kiss him, and when the scene cuts back to them he fully gets up and off the bleachers to ask why she likes him.

Britton Smith’s vibrato. end of note.

during the overlapping “I’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that I am,” the teens repeatedly cross the stage, finally arranging themselves in a V behind Jeremy until he jumps back onto the bleachers, telling the SQUIP that “this is way too intense!”

Loser Geek Whatever

exact words from my notes: “Will Fucking Roland did THAT”

he spends the first verse and chorus sitting on the top row of the bleachers, only standing and walking down the bleachers in the second verse.

the act still ends with the SQUIP ominously reaching for Jeremy just as the lights go down.

Halloween

Jenna arrives wearing a mask as part of her clown costume — not quite like the clown from IT, but in that same vein of creepiness.

some new dialogue between Brooke and Jeremy after he compliments her costume:

Jeremy: I mean… it’s amazing. You’re amazing. Brooke: That’s what I like about Halloween. It’s the one night I get to be something I’m not. Jeremy: What’s wrong with the way you are? Brooke: You’re sweet, Jeremy. You need a drink.

Christine vanishes after Jake tells her that “the keg’s over there” and walks away.

Chloe is talking to Jeremy on the couch at one point before they both leave, presumably telling him about Brooke’s “surprise.”

Do You Wanna Hang?

the best way I can describe the choreography/staging of this song is that, like Brooke, Chloe has wildly inaccurate ideas about what “sexy,” is, and less like Brooke, she has wildly inaccurate ideas of what constitutes consent. (this post explains it well.)

the SQUIP makes Jeremy walk over to Chloe (in an extremely jerky/robotic fashion) while he’s expressing surprise that she’s jealous of Brooke. to which she responds “obviously, I am NOT” while obviously crying.

Brooke shows up after Chloe tells Jeremy that “I’m bored of you anyway,” and Jake soon follows, yelling that they’d better not be having sex on his parents’ bed because “I specifically told everyone that was off limits!”

after Jake chases Jeremy out, Brooke stays behind to ask Chloe “how could you?” Chloe’s response, delivered so drunkenly that is isn’t even an answer to the question: “I’m so wasted right now.”

Michael In The Bathroom

“what’s not on the Internet?” got a lot of laughter.

Michael and Jeremy’s argument isn’t about luck, but about who’s looking out for Jeremy:

Michael: Think, man! We’re talking an insanely powerful supercomputer! And you’re using it to, what, get laid? Did it ever occur to you that there could be consequences? That you’re messing with something you don’t understand? Jeremy: You’re the one who said technology isn’t dangerous. Michael: Yeah, unless you use it like you. Jeremy: And I thought Chloe was jealous. Michael: I’m trying to look out for you. Jeremy: Oh, really? Because I think you’re pissed that I have one and you don’t. Michael: Oh, come on, man. Jeremy: I’m looking out for myself, for the first time in my life. With my history, I think I deserve that.

the jack-o’-lanterns hanging overhead flash in time with the “knock knock knock knock/clang clang clang clang/[etc.]” lines.

they really do take the bathtub away like in the rehearsal videos! bizarre choice if you ask me, but I’m not Stephen Brackett, so they didn’t ask me.

A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into (Reprise)

Brooke enters in the background just as Jeremy is sitting on the couch with Christine, stops to look at him sadly, and then leaves without saying anything; he doesn’t notice her at all.

Christine now tells Jeremy that Jake is upstairs fighting with Chloe, rather than having makeup sex, and that she dumped him because “I know he seems like this confident guy on the outside, but… under that he had this whole other layer, he was sensitive and sweet. And then the third layer was like, this underlying total jerk layer.”

at this particular show, Jeremy and Christine’s mutual weird noises were just full-throated screaming.

Christine advises Gingivitis to “drink water!” as he stumbles offstage.

over the course of them making weird noises at each other, Jeremy ends up lying on the couch with his legs hanging over the armrest, a pose I’d seen before in at least one piece of fanart but hadn’t realized was actually in the show.

Christine no longer gives any explanation of why she can’t date Jeremy — she just apologizes and runs off. the SQUIP’s return moments later is met with a very morose “look who decided to show up.”

The Smartphone Hour (Rich Set A Fire)

Brooke has a pair of earbuds that she briefly poses with (holding them taut overhead) before tossing them away just like her banana.

The Pants Song

at the SQUIP’s advice, Jeremy “disengages” from the conversation with his dad about the party; Mr. Heere says not to “hide behind [his] phone,” but Jeremy doesn’t look up until his mom is mentioned.

Jeremy’s rant about how his dad can’t act like a father and just keeps waiting for his mom to come back ends with “No wonder she’s gone.”

upon seeing Mr. Heere, Michael hides whatever it is he’s using to smoke (I don’t think it’s a bong but I have no idea what it actually is) among a bunch of garden gnomes.

“do you love him?” is followed by a record scratch (or maybe shredding on a string instrument?) and the music completely stopping long enough for Michael to respond.

Michael straightens/tugs down his boxer briefs during the second chorus.

“somewhat reluctantly” is followed by a recorder trill that’s not in the album recording.

Mr. Heere opens up his robe on “real literal pants” and shows off his distinct lack of pants to the audience before Michael urges him to put all that away.

The Pitiful Children

when Jeremy arrives at school, Chloe and Jake are arguing about who’s worse off:

Jake: No, no, no. You were messing around with Jeremy in my parents’ room! Chloe: You dumped me for a theatre girl! Jake: Hey, come on, Chlo. I broke my legs! Chloe: You broke my heart. Jake: Well, my house burned down! Chloe [furiously]: You had it coming! Jenna: Oh my God, guys, did you see me on TV? Chloe, Jake, and Brooke: Not now, Jenna!

Brooke’s confrontation of Jeremy now mentions her ex:

Jeremy: Hey, it’s so crazy, right, with Rich and the fire — Brooke: You knew my last boyfriend cheated on me. And you did it anyway. Did you even like me? Or were you just using me to get to someone else? Jeremy: No — Brooke: I am not a sexy dog you can kick, Jeremy. I am a person. [cue Chloe calling her like a dog]

Christine says “I guess I’ll just do theatre” with heavy irony — she realizes that doing theatre won’t fix anything that she’s upset about.

on the first chorus, all the teens (who had left the stage) walk back through again, as if to remind Jeremy of who exactly the pitiful children in question are.

Jeremy adds Mountain Dew to the beaker first, followed by a few SQUIPs, which frankly seems like the worst order to do that in.

Jeremy sounds more stilted again (more like in act 1) when offering Jenna the excuse about preparing Pansy Serum. he still asks Jenna “how are you feeling today?” but doesn’t immediately interrupt her to offer her a SQUIP:

Jenna: No one’s ever asked me that before. I know everything about everyone at this school, but no one ever wants to know me. SQUIP: You can help her. Offer her a drink. Jeremy: I can’t trick her into drinking a pill! SQUIP: She would do anything to feel like she belonged. Jenna: I would do anything to feel like I belong. Jeremy: Then would you maybe want to… drink this? Jenna: What’s in it? Jeremy: A supercomputer from Japan that’ll solve all your problems. Oh, and Mountain Dew. Jenna [cheerfully]: Okay!

the same blue screens/user agreement that appeared in the projections during The Squip Enters appear again behind Jenna, during her singing to the melody of The Smartphone Hour, suggesting that that’s the moment when her SQUIP fully activates.

by the end of the song, Jeremy has joined in on the choreography with the SQUIP ensemble. at times the SQUIP guides him through it by standing right behind him and placing its arms under his, a gesture that returns in The Play.

The Play

after Jeremy’s attempt to convince Christine to get a SQUIP totally fails, his SQUIP enters from above, being gradually lowered from the ceiling onto the stage.

Mr. Reyes gives Brooke the Pansy Serum onstage (as in, on the stage of A Midsummer Nightmare About Zombies) and she drinks it through a straw. (how did the SQUIP even get through it?)

the SQUIP explains its reasoning behind taking over more than just the student body:

SQUIP [over building music]: And why stop with the school? There’s an entire world of suffering people who need my help! It’s the glorious destiny for which I was programmed! And I never would have discovered it without… you. [music cuts out] Jeremy: …Oh, shit.

Rich physically shows up and yells “I NEED MOUNTAIN DEW RED!” when Jeremy is remembering him doing just that at the party. I tried to describe the staging but couldn’t put it into words so here’s a picture

Jeremy glitches even more than is on the cast recording, from the moment he first tries to say “I’m sorry,” and the lights in the set itself flash in time with his glitching; when he isn’t talking or being forced to hit Michael, he’s clutching his neck/throat and bending over in pain.

Jeremy knocks Michael to the floor with a punch, which was met with gasps and silence until Michael said “then why are you hitting me?” (an understatement, really.)

Jake pours the Mountain Dew Red either down a sink or into a laundry bin (either way, it’s not just onto the floor.) after telling Jeremy and Michael that his SQUIP blocked his pain receptors, he jumps a few times and says, “Now I don’t hurt anymore… here… or here,” first gesturing to his legs and then putting his hands over his heart.

when telling Jeremy they’re no longer mad at him, Brooke clings to Jeremy’s legs like she did in Upgrade, while Chloe wraps her arms around his neck and head; once they realize they see and like one another, they physically toss him aside.

the SQUIP urges Jeremy to “look how happy everyone is when they just get with the program!”

Michael tosses the bottle of Mountain Dew Red to Jeremy just before being knocked out and taken away by the SQUIP zombies.

the SQUIP zombies all bow to Christine when she appears. Christine gets VERY close to Jeremy during her solo, putting her hands on his chest and just generally being all over him.

once Christine’s finished singing, Jeremy is standing and watching her, the SQUIP telling him he can’t possibly drink the last drops, the hand that he’s holding the bottle with shaking uncontrollably as he tries to fight the SQUIP’s control… and then! his hand stops shaking as he gains the strength to physically knock the SQUIP back — and gives the bottle to Christine.

Michael explains about the links between the SQUIPs that means destroying one will destroy them all, AS the deactivation sequence is happening. good for him for figuring it out so quickly, I suppose? it does mess a bit with the flow of the scene though.

Voices In My Head

Rich’s “totally bi now” on Michael’s entrance is sung, sounding a lot like like “technically I’m homeless!”

Michael tells Jeremy that after everyone at the play passed out, “the audience went totally crazy… they’re saying it’s the best school play in years.”

since Michael’s already explained the linking between the SQUIPs, his and Jeremy’s conversation now focuses on how Jeremy knew that destroying one would destroy them all (he didn’t — he “was just trying to save Christine”) and why Michael came to help him:

Jeremy: After everything I did, you were still there for me. Michael: Oh, I was fully prepared to watch you suffer. Jeremy: Wow. Michael: But then someone reminded me, when you love someone, you… [Mr. Heere enters] Michael: …it sounds better when he says it.

Michael fixes Jeremy’s sweatshirt while saying it’s reassuring that Jeremy still needs them.

after Rich suggests that Jeremy tell Christine that she “excites you sexually,” Jeremy points at Rich as if to say “is that right?” and Michael and Mr. Heere make frantic gestures to the effect of “NO IT ISN’T.”

Brooke tells Jeremy that she’s still mad at him, but also over him, and Jenna’s arm is on her shoulder the whole time. considering that Chloe and Jake are being similarly affectionate in that scene, it certainly suggests that Brooke and Jenna are a couple now.

Jake dabs after offering his own advice, and Jeremy dabs in response.

Christine revealing that Ruth Bader Ginsberg was her SQUIP also got a big laugh.

instead of Jeremy bending down to kiss Christine, he kneels down in a sort of lunging position, and Christine runs into his arms to kiss him.

the repetition of “the loudest one is mine!” is accompanied by all the teens hugging and high fiving one another and dancing together. they’re all in love…

Stage door

Troy Iwata was the first to come out and sign things, and someone standing near me shouted “Troy’s our boy!”

George Salazar came out second, not long after Troy and first went around posing for selfies with everyone before going around a second time to actually sign things.

after a while of waiting, the band came out — no idea if they signed anything, but they got cheers, especially the theremin player.

#be more chill #jeremy heere #michael mell #christine canigula #jake dillinger #rich goranski #brooke lohst #chloe valentine #jenna rolan #the squip #mr heere #sometimes i write #this took a frankly unreasonable amount of time

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princesschimchim1325 · 2 years

Text

"Just a Hero Prince and his Foxy Wife" Ren Hakuyuu omake #1

When the crown prince of Kou has been extemely busy and overworked for the past few weeks, his wife had enough of it and came up with a plan to help her husband de-stress.

Suggestiveness, smut, fluff, married life

Dom/sub, kinda power dynamics, foreplay, married couple s*x, overstimulation, size difference, size kink, rough s*x, implied breeding, implied aftercare

The wife is an oc but can be read as a reader. She came from a winter kingdom. She has given physical attributes.

○●○●○●○

Hakuyuu always strived to be a perfect heir, disciplined from a very young age and expected to master all that is required of his title. He never once slacked off, always taking his duties and responsibilites seriously.

However, he was still human. And quite frankly, he was at his limit, he knows. He had lost track of time for how long he had been extremely busy with, all he knew that the court had been giving him a hard time. Not just him, but also his beloved wife.

His eye twitched at the thought of the court giving his wife a difficult time. Ever since the engagement and their marriage, the court and the other nobles have been very bitter and they were vocal about it. They did just about anything to seperate the couple, either by spreading rumors about his wife or their marital life or by giving both of them large amounts of work.

Hakuyuu knew why they did it, they wanted their own daughters to become his wife and have power within Kou. He sighed deeply, already feeling a migraine coming.

He looked at the scroll in his hand, then at the ridiculous amount of paperwork on his table. His bed chamber was lit by the candles around, and with how dark it is, he can tell it's late.

He glared at the paperwork before continuing to read the the scroll at hand. He's been stuck at the same line for over 5 minutes, and he was growing more and more irritated. He has been more irritable lately, due to not only the unreasonable work, but also the lack of time he has spent with his wife.

He never thought himself to be a 'clingy' man, but when you have a wife as lovely as his, it made sense.

He broke out of his stupor when the door slid open to reveal his one and only, his beloved wife. She sauntered in their shared bed chamber with a trey of tea, wearing a blue kimono with embroidered ends, her hair tied in a loose braid.

He placed the scroll down to give his wife his full attention. She set the trey on the table and circled around it and hugged her husband from behind. He reached over and drank the tea he knows his wife brewed, the taste was refreshing and with his wife around, he wasn't as frustrated as before.

"Ara ara, my prince. You are quite tense." She couldn't help but tease her tired husband. She wanted to make him ease a little before she set her plan into place. Hakuyuu rolled his eyes at his wife's dramatics.

"I've been stuck here all day, finishing the officials' work that they pushed to me. But I have no choice, otherwise they'll start talking again." He set the cup back on the trey before he leaned back a bit, closing his eyes.

"What have you been up to, m'lady?" He was curious as to what his wife had been doing throughout the day. Without him seeing, she smiled at her husband's ignorance. The whole day she had been encouraging and hyping herself up, to follow through of her plan.

"Nothing much, just tutoring Kouen on his studies, making sure he ate. Overall, nothing too exciting, my prince." She wanted to surprise her beloved but she couldn't help but smile at the young prince she took under her wing.

He hummed, at least she wasn't tormented by any snobby nobles or court officials. He felt her pull back completely, making him open his eyes.

"I have a little surprise for you, my love~"

That sounded quite... a bit suspicious. Especially if it was her. He heard the rustling of fabrics and the sound of it falling to the floor.

'What in the world...?'

"Turn around, my king." Her giving orders to him? Well, that was new. He did as he was told, and his jaw dropped at the sight.

His wife was wearing his royal garb and nothing else. The coat was loose on her figure, her bare breasts barely covered by the fabric, the cloth reached the floor thanks to their difference in height and she was completely nude save for the coat. Was this what she wore underneath her elegant kimono the whole day?

"Ara ara~ my king, it's quite unbecoming of you to make such a face like that." She giggled at her husband's face, it's not normal for her husband to show such expression. He blinked, before realizing she was laughing. He stood up walked towards her.

"M'lady, were you walking around the palace in such a getup?" He stood in front of his wife, towering over her and lifting his hand to caress her face, he knew her fox nature lead her to become quite mishcievous at times but this was just downright naughty.

"And if I were? I had a kimono over this up until now, only you had the priviledge to have seen me like this, my king~" she leaned her face to his large hand, pressing herself closer to his body as well. Her dainty hands against his broad and sturdy chest.

He wrapped a strong arm around her slim waist, raising an eyebrow at her suggestiveness. This was new, she normally wasn't bold whenever they were intimate.

"Why? Don't you like it? I have read somewhere that men love seeing their lovers wear their clothing." She pouted at her husband, was he really acting all chivalric when she can feel his growing hardness? Who was he fooling?

"It is not that I don't like it, but you really shouldn't be walking around the palace without your undergarments, my love." He sighed, he did like her in this getup, he really did, but the thought of other men seeing her like this... sends an unpleasant feeling in his chest.

"Ara? But I thought this was what the book meant." She tilted her head at her husband, Hakuyuu's mouth quirked up.

"Aren't you getting a little too arrogant for your own good, m'lady?" He inquired with a little smirk on his handsome face.

"Hmmm? Whatever do you mean, my beloved king?" The dainty hands on his chest began fiddling the collar of his robes, brushing against his exposed skin but never actually slipping in. She doesn't know how long she'll be able to keep up her confident and seductive act with Hakuyuu looking at her like this.

"You are acting all high and mighty while desiring my attention, my queen. But I suppose I haven't been giving you enough attention now have I?" He moved the hand on her face to gently tilt her chin towards his face. Her face burned at his actions and pouted at her husband's suaveness.

"Like I haven't already made you excited. I've known you long enough to see that you are just as eager as I am, my love. You have been so focused in your work, you have forgotten yourself." She smiled sweetly at him, genuinely this time. He chuckled, only his wife understood him the most.

"There is no shame in admitting that I desire you, my love. After all, what kind of husband would I be if I didn't cherished and pleased my wife?" He kissed her forehead, while she giggled like it was the first time.

"You are far too sweet for your own good, my love." He praised his wife, continuing to kiss her cheeks, her temples and a peck on her lips.

"It's the least I can do for you. I have noticed you have been so stressed lately, I was taught that a wife should help ease the burden on top of her husband's shoulders, so I read that pulling this stunt would ease a man's mind.... so I tried it." She looked so flustered, so small in his arms, she was so precious.

"Aren't you a good girl? Going out of your way just to help me unwind and take my mind off of this horrendous and unnecessary paperwork. Perhaps I should compensate my wife for taking such good care of me." His words spoke of a promise that he'll committ to.

She opened her mouth to say something but Hakuyuu took the oppurtunity to kiss her passionately. She closed her eyes while the hand on her chin found it's way on her nape, tilting her head to get a better angle.

He swiped his tongue at her bottom lip before slipping in. Her hands dipped down and untied the ribbon of his attire, but before she could slip his white robe off, he picked her up and carrried her over the large bed and gently laid her before he broke their passionate liplock.

He quickly took off his robe, exposing his broad and muscular body before dipping back to kiss her neck, finding her weak spot almost immediately, causing her to moan out loud. She tried to cover her mouth but Hakuyuu caught her hand before she could.

"My love, I want to hear you." Such simple words, yet they made her nod. He smiled, kissing her palm then continuing his kissing. His hand found one of her bountiful breasts, fondling and groping it, while he kissed the other. He took the hardened nipple in his mouth, feeling his wife arch her back.

He continued his assault, then he switched to the other breast. After a while, he finally let go of her nipple. When he leaned back to take a good look at his wife, he felt himself get even harder. She was still wearing his coat but because of how big it is on her, it had slightly slipped off of her shoulders, stopping at her biceps. She was panting, her face was flushed, her breasts were exposed and her eyes were glossy. She looked absolutely breathtaking.

"H-hakuyuu..."

He leaned over, kissing her stomach and all the way down to her deliciously thick thighs. He spread her legs, making sure they were situated comfortably. He kissed her inner thighs, leaving marks as well. He kissed her slit, causing her to gasp and grip his long hair.

He slipped his tongue inside her, eating her out like a man starved. The room was filled with gasps, groans, moans and obscenely loud slurping. He groaned when she tugged his hair particularly hard, the vibrations being felt throughout her body, causing her to loudly moan.

He adjusted her legs to rest over his broad and strong shoulders. She gasped loudly at the angle, feeling her end arriving. She came with a choked whimper, but Hakuyuu didn't stop, he slipped his long index finger when he turned his attention to kissing her neglected pearl.

He inserted his middle finger, scissoring her, then adding his ring finger. He stretched her out, making sure she'd be able to take all of him without much difficulty. It had been a while since they've been intimate, he wanted to make up for it.

She came again, Hakuyuu pulled away from her womanhood, taking his drenched fingers out of her, he gently placed her legs down and leaned away from his previous position. He glanced at her then at his fingers before taking them in his mouth, making eye contact with his flustered wife. When he licked his fingers clean, he stood up from the bed.

He took his hair tie off first, letting his long hair fall to his back and shoulder. He placed the tie at their side table, then he untied the ribbon of his black pants, slipping the garment off as well. He walked back to their bed, slipping between his wife's legs and parting them.

He rubbed his long and hard length against her slit, using her wetness as lube before he slowly slipped in. Hakuyuu cursed under his breath, while she gripped his biceps. He was already big as is, even more so when compared to his petite wife. He took it slow, he didn't want to overwhelm the woman.

It stung for a few seconds before turning to pleasure. He leaned down to kiss her and she returned the sweet kiss, her arms wrapping around his neck and she swung her legs over his hips. One of Hakuyuu's hands was fisting the sheets beside her head, while the other took her left hand and intertwined their fingers.

She positioned her free hand to his hair, tugging the long dark locks. Hakuyuu groaned, he always did liked the feeling of her hands. He had never let any of the four women he slept with before touch his hair or leave any marks on him. But here he was, getting his hair tugged and his shoulders getting bit by the love of his life.

He slowly rocked his hips against hers, setting a comfortable pace. Kissing her forehead, he held himself back, trying not to slip inside too fast. Halfway in, he leaned back and grabbed her legs, holding the back of her knees. She arched her back and fisted the sheets beside her head when he finally filled her to the brim.

"Hakuyuu, you can move faster, y'know?" She wanted her husband to de-stress, to feel pleasure as well not just her.

He glanced at his wife, trying to see her intentions. When he saw that she was very sure, he sighed. "If you are sure, very well then, my love."

He pulled his length nearly all the way out, before slamming right back in. She threw her head back at the sudden pleasure. Her hands found themselves on his shoulders, scratching him down to his back. Hakuyuu groaned, leaning down to kiss her collarbones, sucking and nibbling as well.

She was wantonly moaning at this point as her husband thrusted hard and fast into her sensitive hole. She was sure that anyone within at least 6 feet away from their room could hear their lovemaking.

She came again adruptly, shocking herself, gasping as her husband continued to pound her to the mattress. She yelped all of a sudden when Hakuyuu promptly picked her up as if she weighed nothing. He wrapped his strong and muscular arm around her, situating her on his lap as he shifted his own position. He was sitting down, one large hand on her waist and one on her thigh.

She placed one hand on his shoulder while the other caressed Hakuyuu's sharp jaw. He thrusted upwards and it felt as if he got even deeper, causing her to gasp out loud, Hakuyuu took the oppurtunity to kiss her heatedly. The hand on her thigh tightened its grip when he pulled her impossibly close.

He continued to thrust upwards, his pace getting faster and harder as he broke the kiss and hid his face in the juncture of her neck, kissing the heated skin. He even saw her stomach bulge from his large length, a sight that never gets old.

"Where did all that impishness go, hmm? You were so confident earlier, my queen~." She felt rather than saw the smirk he had on his face against her skin, she couldn't even think of a retort due to him ramming inside her.

Hakuyuu chuckled, his wife was so adorable with her usually immaculate hair a mess and chest full of kiss marks. He was entranced at the way she grinded her hips against his, her breasts jiggling each movement she did. He felt himself getting close, causing him to thrust even harder, the blunt head of his length kissing her cervix.

Her soft moans were music to his ears, especially when he was about to release. He came inside her with a grunt, his pace still consistent despite it. She came right after he did, causing her to go limp on his lap, leaning her head on his shoulder while panting.

Despite him releasing quite a big load, he was still hard. He brushed his hand against her right cheek before tucking stray hairstrands away from her lovely face. He kissed the top of her head, before he changed their positions again. This time, he had her on her back with both of her legs propped up on his broad shoulders.

She whimpered when she felt him kiss her battered cervix, her hole felt raw and she felt so full. Hakuyuu knew he didn't look any better than his wife, but he wasn't done with her just yet.

"My wife, let us continue to make up for lost time, shall we?" He had a stupid smirk plastered on his handsome face, the glint in his clear blue eyes present. Her husband's boldness never fail to make her feel like a young maiden.

"My husband, you are still extremely insatiable aren't you?" She fondly chided her husband. Hakuyuu chuckled at his wife's accusation. Well, she wasn't exactly wrong.

"For you, my wife? Always. Nary another woman who can make me feel this way." It wasn't a lie, no one else can make him feel like a lovesick fool. Only she can make him like this.

"You're such a smooth talker, 'Yuu." She huffed.

"I'm sure you enjoy it, my love." He leaned over her, his breath tickling her ear.

"Now, let's make sure it will take this time, hm?" He nibbled on the lobe of her ear. That was all that was said before the room was filled with loud moans, grunts and skin slapping alongside debauched screams.

°•°•°•°

"The crown prince seems to be in a good mood today." A palace maid gossiped. Her fellow maid agreed.

"I know right? He seemed so irritable yesterday but now..." she trailed off.

The crown prince in question was waiting for the kitchen staff to prepare his and the crown princess' breakfast. He had a satisfied look on his handsome face, which made him the topic of many gossip even though it was early in the morning.

"Of course the first prince is in a good mood." The voice of an older maid huffed. The two younger maids nearly jumped in surprise.

"Huh? What do you mean?" One inquired. They were quite curious, the old maid seem to know something.

"Hmph, the first prince finally spent the night with his wife of course." She smirked, it won't be long until the announcement that the crown princess was with child. "His highness was obviously missing her highness' presence and company." She stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

The younger maids' eyes widened at the realisation. They snapped back to the first prince personally picking up the trey before heading back to his shared chamber.

Oh, so that's why.

○●○●○●○

Oof this got long lmao. Let me know what yall think.

#magi #ren hakuyuu #oc #magi the labyrinth of magic #smut #fluff

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darkdevasofdestruction · 4 years

Text

When You Become A Fallen

(( This premise is about reader being one of the Seraphim, and she was/fell in love with one of the brothers, which made God shun her from the Celestial Realm, and thus, how each of the brothers helps her through her transformations to a Demon and her new lifestyle. ))

---

LUCIFER

Quite frankly, he took it the hardest, as he too was a Seraph back in the days, God’s most beloved angel, and the descend changed him a lot, even if he doesn’t want to admit.

When he saw your broken form on the ground, he cradled your body close to his chest, feeling fear and panic just as when Lilith almost died, so he went to plead to Diavolo to allow you permanent stay in the Devildom as well, saying that he’ll do anything for this favour, just like before.

Centuries passed since he descended, and while he still has nightmares of what happened, the pain and transformation were something that he forced himself to forget, at least for his own pride and ego, but seeing you in such excruciating pain was an even worse torture than before.

He knew there was little he or anyone else could do regarding all this, but he will be there by your side for the whole duration of it, no matter how long it took, be it days, weeks or months, he wouldn’t be pried away from you.

For the most of the day, Lucifer had you sit on his lap, both of you wearing light sleeping wear, so you could feel each other’s body heat, thinking it would help ease the pain, even by a little.

However, as soon as your 3 pairs of majestic, pure white wings started blankening, while one of the pairs also started burning, feather by feather, you became unreasonable, as you couldn’t even think or speak properly because of the agony surging through your every artery, vein, capillary and nerve in your body.

You were desperately clinging to him, scratching his back and arms, screeching for forgiveness, begging him to kill you already and end this pain, questioning what you did wrong, except have pure and unwavering feelings of love for someone, and all Lucifer could do was hold you tightly, a had on the back of your head, putting your face on the crook of his neck, while the other was on your back, putting you glued to his chest, trying to keep you still and potentially causing yourself more damage.

“WHY, GOD, WHY?! WHAT HAVE I DONE SO WRONG TO FALL OUT OF YOUR GRACES?! IS IT REALLY FORBIDDEN TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND FEELINGS?! CURSE YOU! CURSE THE CELESTIAL REALM! CURSE ALL YOUR FUCKING ANGELS! YOU ARE A MONSTERS!” you kept crying out, cursing the skies, and Lucifer, in his head and heart, was yelling the same thing as you were.

His own heart was crying out in despair seeing his beloved like that, and for the first time since Lilith, he shed tears of pure sorrow, cursing God, the Celeastial Realm and all the angels there, and more, cursing himself for allowing both of them to become lovers back when they were angels, because his act of rebelling against God only brought you intense suffering.

There is nothing Lucifer wouldn’t do for you, no matter how impossible it seemed, but you are the only person he ever had such a connection with, so he treasures you as much as his own brothers.

He knows how difficult it was for him to completely accept he was a Demon and blend in to this new place, but he will be there for you to guide and teach you with every step you took, always holding you hand, always giving you genuine and tender smiles to help you feel more at ease, and of course, he will make sure you room with him so you won’t ever be alone and afraid again.

---

MAMMON

He freaks out so bad at first, questioning you out loud a thousand questions, while fidgeting from leg to leg and looking around for help.

Why were you here? Why were you injured? What happened? Are you alright?

Of course you weren’t alright, damn it! Stupid Mammon! Do something!

He picked you up and brought you to Lucifer, crying desperately and asking what the hell he was supposed to do, because he had no idea what the hell happened and why you were the way you are, and for the first time in ages, Lucifer didn’t yell at him, nor did he insult him - He actually helped him as much as he could, because he knew what was going on, and his heart broke at seeing his beloved little brother crying like that.

In his room, you wouldn’t stop crying and holding your head - You had migraines, your scalp was burning, your whole skin felt ablaze, you felt akin to a witch being burnt alive, and poor Mammon was crying along with you, not knowing if he should touch you, in fear of hurting you more, or holding you tightly and letting you cry away everything that hurt.

Mammon tried to kiss your tears away, put on music to help you keep your mind away from the pain, tried to tell you silly stories from his failed plans, or from his brothers to make you laugh, but in the end, nothing really helped, and he felt that the sky fell on him.

That is, until he turned away from you, gripping his hair in despair as he was running out of ideas to help you and his heart was being ripped apart more and more...But you gripped on his jacket and pulled him in a tight embrace from the back, resting your forehead on the blades of his shoulders, making him stop dead in his track, stiff as a board.

“Mammon, it hurts...Mammon, don’t leave me, please...Please keep on staying me me. Don’t leave me again. I missed you so much...So much that I didn’t even realise that the whole Celestial Realm knew I was in love with you ever since you were an angel...Everyone knew, except for me...But I missed you so much...And they said it’s forbidden. But I can’t live without you.” you sobbed, your fingers and nails digging into his chest as you confessed your sin and the reason you got in this position, which frankly, it made Mammon feel both guilty and even more head over heels with you.

Honestly, nobody ever expressed their feelings to him the way you did, unless it was Stupid Mammon left and right...But you...You were being so genuine and pure...You were real...You loved him...And now there was no barrier between you two...

He cursed himself for being happy with what happened, despite your agony, but he was a greedy man, and he craved your affection more than flowers need the Sun, so he continued to try to put a smile on your face and make the transformation easier to bear with.

Realising that your horns were beginning to grow, he transformed into his demon self and taking your hands in his gingerly, he put them over his own horns, reassuring you that everything will be okay, that they will grow pretty fast and all the agony will go away soon.

When the transformation was done, he was extremely overprotective of you becoming a student at RAD, dragging you with him everywhere, but he tried to be more responsible this time, as he had to take care of you and he couldn’t risk some angry witches or other demons attacking you to get to him.

--- LEVIATHAN

Kinda like Mammon, he was panicked beyond belief, not understanding how the hell did you get yourself in that position, but instead of freaking out, he kinda looked at you, stunned, unmoving, until he finally managed to snap out of it and carried you to his room, while calling Lucifer and telling him the gist of it.

Levi knew that his room was incredibly aesthetic and relaxing, having an aquatic theme, so hopefully, it will help you bear with the transformation and adaptation to this new life-style easier, and hopefully, not have any problems with blending in, especially since he will be there for you at every step you took.

And if that wasn’t enough, since Levi barely leaves the room, he would shelter you like a mother would her little baby, coddling you, wrapping his tail around you protectively, helping you take slightly cold baths to get rid of the burning and itching sensation of your horns and wings transforming, and showing you Henry 2.0 and promising you that he will be your best friend too.

However, the transformation for you wasn’t as bad as the spiraling and paranoia that seemed to completely engulf you, which made you quite hysterical for a while, and no amount of video games and anime could prepare Levi for this mess.

“Levi, what if they come after me? What if they aren’t happy with me being alive? What if they take me back and try to torture me to death? I don’t want back there again...Levi, I’m afraid, please protect me.” you clutched his blouse while sobbing in his shoulder, and all he could do was hold you tightly and promise you that everything will be okay and he would let nobody touch you again.

He would then start telling you about TSL and how The Lord of Shadows will always be there to protect his Henry, which is when you asked him if he would be your Lord of Shadows, and his face started blushing like crazy, and he vowed to himself that you, his most precious person, will never ever have to feel any kind of pain ever again, and he will be there for you no matter what.

Levi understands what’s like being afraid, nervous, anxious, which is something he often feels himself, and thus, the reason for preferring to take online classes rather than going physically to a classroom, which is something that he will ask for for you too, and thankfully, Lucifer approves of it, understanding the situation.

His hectic sleeping schedule is always messed up by his love for binge-watching and binge-playing, something you often partake into as a way to keep the intrusive thoughts away from your head, and it is rather effective.

However, on the occasions that you’re having a mental breakdown and start spiraling once again, no matter what hour of the day or night it is, Levi will be there to tell you how he loves you, how you’re safe with him, that nobody would ever dare cross Diavolo’s rules on his own domain, and that those angels up there were shitheads for prosecuting you for something as pure as loving someone.

--- SATAN

Out of all the demon brothers, he is obviously the only one who didn’t have to go through the whole metamorphosis ritual, because he never was an angel to begin with.

He knows, however, the excruciating pain that you’re going through, as him and Lucifer share some of the more powerful emotions and memories he used to have, and so, he has an idea, backing up all the stories he heard from 3rd parties, from his brothers and from books.

Satan will make all of his brothers send him thorough voice messages to explain what they went through and how he could help you, and thus, he would be pampering and taking care of you every second, without a second thought.

He couldn’t believe that you truly fell for him after just one year of spending time together, during the exchange-student program, when you came to Devildom...I mean, he was a demon, and while yes, he too fell for you, he was in shock hearing that such a pure and perfect being such as yourself would ever harbour such feelings for him, a demon, and the Avatar of Wrath nonetheless...

“Satan...Why...Why is it such a sin to fall in love? What have I done so cruel...So unforgivable...That I deserve to go through all this pain...All this agony...All I wanted was to be happy...Is that so selfish of me to ask? Am I not allowed to live the rest of my life with someone that I genuinely cherish so much...?” she cried with so much self-hatred that it made Satan want to burn the whole Celestial Realm and torture and rip apart every feather, every limb of those stupid angels and flay them alive, letting the lesser demons eat them.

The pain you’re being subjected to is exhausting you so much, but if you stand still, it feels like it’s hurting tenfold, so you try to keep yourself moving around the room, until you collapse from over-exerting your already frail body.

Satan would only look at you in pity, as he tried to hide the burning rage he harboured in his heart, along with all the death-threats he wanted to throw away at God and all the stupid angels who dared do this to you, so he picks you up gently, putting you on his bed, puts a light blanket over you and goes to prepare a cup of calming tea that has somnolent effects, hoping that it would help you heal faster and regain some of your strength through resting.

He would hold you close to his chest, kissing your forehead, stroking your hair, trying to keep you drowsy and calm, while also reading you one very interesting book, Harrison Porter, as it had lots of magic spells and he could show you the spells, to fascinate you, and try to keep your thoughts away from the pain.

Of course, he would be researching all remedies, spells and treatments to help ease the pain, so he would be rubbing creams with and lotions on your back and on your wings, to calm down the pain, would put spells on you to give you sweet dreams every night, and would always hold you tightly and promise you that nobody would ever come with any ill-intent towards you, and that he would kill anyone who dares even look at you the wrong way.

Since he has always been a demon, he is very popular and sociable, so blending in would be much easier with him by your side, as he would take you as his date everywhere - Be it a sports game, a theater play, an opera play, a ballet, a social gathering, a ballroom dance, a drive-outside cinema, or colour festival, a concert...Or literally anything.

---

ASMODEUS

No matter how dramatic and extra Asmo loves to be, this was no joking matter, and the person he knew he could always rely on, and that was his eldest brother, Lucifer, the only being that he ever looked up to, that he ever admired - Lucifer, the one who used to be a Seraph, just like you.

He wanted to understand what Lucifer went through, because sure, Asmo knew the physical transformations his brother went through, but he couldn’t know of the emotional trauma, or how different it was for him, as he was, after all, the highest-ranking angel in the Celestial Realm.

He then correlated with how disgusted he remembered both himself and Lucifer felt when looking into the mirror and realising they weren’t the divine beings from before, but a wretched abomination, and how long it took them to come to terms with the idea, and finally try to find the specks of beauty that others saw in them, despite the changes.

It was true, you went through a lot of pain, exhaustion, mental breakdowns, trauma, all because of how agonising the transformation was, and Asmo was there for you to brighten up and ease you through everything, not wanting you to be alone, like they were, so seeing his gorgeous and loving smile always seemed to make the corners of your mouth tilt upwards, even by a little bit.

Asmo would cuddle you and pamper you with an infinite amount of kisses, and of course, would give you frequent back rubs, wing massages, scalp massages, knowing that those were the most painful and affected areas, and thankfully enough, all the beauty products he used on you were cool and had calming and painkilling effects, so at least was better for you.

When it was all over, however, the horror didn’t end, as you saw yourself in the mirror and fell to your knees shrieking at your new appearance...That wasn’t you...It couldn’t be you...This...This abomination...This tainted thing...

Your desperation and self-hatred were so through the roof that you punched the mirror and clutched the shards in your hands, not even feeling any pain, because everything was ablaze anyway, and not even your tears could pull out the fire inside you.

Asmo was devastated seeing you like this, it made him want to sob, to pull you to his chest and cry out, telling him how he hates seeing you like this, that you remind him of himself, that deep inside him, despite all the narcissism he puts on display, he is also still a bit insecure and wishes he had the same appearance as before...But what hurt him the most was seeing you hating yourself so much, and having ended up like him, just because your heart chose the wrong person to have such intense feelings for.

“This is not me...This can’t be me...Asmodeus, what the hell is wrong with your mirror, it’s broken...It’s cursed...This isn’t me, this isn’t how I look...It can’t be...My wings...My feathers...They are all black...And these horns...And this gem...And the markings...This new outfit...What is this...Why...Why me...Why...?! Why am I being cursed for being in love?! Is this how ugly, tainted and abominable my soul is?! Is that why I look like this?! Is that WHY I became this?!” you tore away at your hair, as Asmo could only fix the mirror quickly, to avoid you getting more injured, and cradled your smaller form to his chest, whispering reassuring words and compliments.

He would do all his beauty routines with you, would compliment you endlessly, would make you try out a thousand and more outfits that he bought for you, showing you off, taking pics of you and boasting with you on DevilGram, since you’re the most gorgeous babe alive and he’s lucky to have you in his life, and now, you and him are the most beautiful couple ever to exist, without a doubt.

He would never tell you all the emotional trauma and self-hatred he went through, because as long as he could make you smile and help teach you how to love yourself again, and see the beauty in your new appearance, Asmodeus was happy and didn’t need anything else.

--- BEELZEBUB

For poor Beel, this was the whole Lilith problem all over again, blaming and hating himself for letting her die (sort of), and now, here you were, a Fallen, broken, lost, depressed, all because you loved him, and he loved you, but he rebelled and now you were caught in the crossfire.

No matter how kind and sweet he is, this is the second time the Celestial Realm crushed his heart and stomped on his feelings, hurting the people he loves most, and this was too much...He would never be able to forgive them, no matter what...And especially not his Father for being so cruel with the angels that loved him so much and were beyond devout to him.

For him, the changes weren’t as painful, and that may be because of his built, and how he finds it easier to deal with physical pain, rather than the emotional one, as he feels like he’s getting blow after blow in that aspect, but he must be strong, for you, for Belphie, for Lilith and for his brothers too.

Beel knows he’s very physically strong, even by demon standards, so he will be a bit afraid at the beginning to touch you, fearing that he will make you hurt more than you already do, but as soon as you nestle yourself in his embrace, he can’t help himself and he puts his arms around you, making you feel safer, protected, and you can deal the agony better, even by a bit.

If he could, he would take away all the pain that you’re feeling, he would go through all that agony a thousands times, just so he could spare you all this pain, he would volunteer to get his wings burnt, grow a new set of horns, would even let himself go through all the paranoia, the nightmares, the burning feeling of your skin...Even the incapacity to eat demon food...Only to spare you of all that horror...

But that wasn’t possible, unfortunately, so all he could do was stay by your side through all of it and try to make it more bearable, because, after all, he still had Belphie, so he wasn’t alone, and neither will you be.

He completely forgot how, at the beginning, for quite a long time, his body refused to digest demon food, so he would get sick and vomit every time he would try to eat something, but was quickly reminded when you made a sprint to the bathroom and he could only hold your hair as you puked your guts out, crying at the pain.

“Why do I have to go through this...God...Why...The wings...The horns...And now, I can’t even eat? Am I supposed to just starve to death...? Is that what you want, Father? Is this the Divine Punishment I get for wanting my loved ones to be safe? That I wanted to see you and tell you how much I care for you, because I never got the chance when you were still an angel? Is that how angels should really be? Hateful of others? Then I’m glad I don’t have to associate myself with such cruel creatures like you, Father!” you growled in anger, frustration, pain, hatred and agony, letting out all your feelings that have been bottled up for so many centuries, but at least now, Beel was there to hold you tight and tell you that everything will be okay, and you still have him.

He would completely stop eating around you, because despite being the Avatar of Gluttony, he couldn’t possibly tempt you with food and make you feel worse, so every so often, he would bring you some light human food, like crackers, water, milk, some vegetables, toast, to help you get some nutrients for your body, so you won’t collapse, at least, even though it was obvious you were becoming paler and skinnier, which worried Beel a lot.

Even so, Beel was always by your side, carrying you if you felt weak at some moment, helping you eat bit by beat, making sure you get a healthy portions, and just the right foods, integrating some little bits of demon food, and before you knew it, you were completely able to have a proper demon meal, and were getting better.

From then on, you will always sleep in his bed, either cuddling or holding hands, because both of you are afraid of losing the other, of having through go through all that torture again, but at least the day was much brighter and you could inally go out together and live your life as a normal student in Devildom would.

--- BELPHEGOR

The Avatar of Sloth has so much pent up rage and hatred, that he may need to take over the title of Avatar of Wrath before long.

First, hating the whole human world, because of Lilith’s death, hating demons because of the misunderstanding with Diavolo and Lucifer, and now, wanting to burn and torture to death the whole Celestial Realm for shunning you like that, letting you to rot, broken, on the ground, as if you were worth less than a vermin.

It took every ounce of self-control Belphegor had to stop himself from unleashing his hatred on the world, and get you to his room to tend to you, hoping and doing his best to make sure you are alright.

He is going to force Beel to keep him awake, because, due to his Avatar Sin, he is prone to falling asleep quite easily, which would only be counter-productive and he wouldn’t be able to sooth your pain and fears this way, so he’s going to sacrifice days and nights of sleep just to make sure you’re not crying anymore.

No matter how harsh his speech is, it does a complete 180 when it comes to you, he will speak in the softest voice possible, would look at you with the most tender look on his face, would give you lost of reassuring gentle kisses, would stroke your hair soothingly, while also humming an old lullaby that Lilith used to sing to him, and would brush away the hair from your face, to see your gorgeous eyes sparkling.

He hates seeing you in so much pain, but every time he curses the angels in his head, he’s just going to hug you tighter, as a way to stop himself from crying at your misfortune, because you’re too pure and kind, you don’t deserve to go through all this pain, it’s just not fair...

What was worse is that, after all this physical mess ended, the emotional and mental one only began, as you weren’t able to get a wink of sleep, because of all the nightmares plaguing your mind all the time, waking you up, making you cry and scream, tremble in fear and anxiety, while all Belphie could do was to hug you tightly, turn on the light, and tell you the same generic reassuring words because...What else was there for him to even say anymore?!

“I’m scared, Belphie, I’m scared...I’m afraid that if I fall asleep, I’m just going to get more nightmares, and maybe I won’t even wake up after that. I’m afraid that if I wake up, you will be taken away from me...Or that they will drag me back to the Celestial Realm to torture me for treason...I’m afraid I’ll have to go through all that over and over and over again...Belphie, I’m exhausted, I’m losing my mind...I just want to have one fucking night of proper sleep...Just one...Is that too much to ask? Am I really that undeserving of feeling rested, just because I fell in love? Is that how things are for those perfect frauds up there?!” you sobbed, clinging on Belphie, as he could only curse them together with you, giving you approving words, and cuddling with you, you try to fall asleep on his cow-patterned pillow, lights still on, drinking a cup of hot milk with honey, thanks to Beel who went to prepare some for the both of you.

Even for him, who has been a demon for so long, nightmares never ended, but at least they weren’t as frequent as yours, so to help you out, even by a bit, he started looking around for remedies, spells, drinks, to get you into a deep sleep with no dreams, at least for now, to help you regain even a bit of your strength back and not be a zombie anymore.

Belphie would get incredibly passive-aggressive and protective of you, growling at anyone that may be considered a threat to you, that approaches you, and wouldn’t let you alone for even a second, in fear of somehow losing you - You’re either with him, or with one of his brothers, or in yours or his room, and frankly, you’re happy knowing that you can finally feel a sense of security after so long.

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amysubmits · 4 years

Text

Strict Discipline

Let me start off with a disclaimer. Like all of my posts, I’m just talking about myself, the way my own head and hurt work, and my own relationship. This post is going to talk a bit about why strict discipline feels better to me than a more lenient dynamic. This is just preference, just how i’m wired. It is absolutely not a universal truth for submissiveness, or DD submissiveness. It’s not a ‘better’ way of doing DD or D/s. I’m sure for many people this way would feel worse to them. I am not advocating for this style for anyone else. This is just me talking about what I’ve discovered about myself and my relationship.

For a long time, we were quite strict with our Domestic Discipline. Some of our rules were highly detailed. For example, “taking my meds on time” was the rule, but we had agreed upon other details like:

Keep an alarm set to go off at ‘pill time’

Mark off on the app after taking the pills

Use a pill organizer and refill it once it’s empty.

Call in my refills on time.

Or as another example, I had a rule about doing the dishes every other day. However it also included the details:

Check all rooms for any dishes that need gathered.

Also wipe down the counters & stove

How our DD worked was, I could/would be punished for breaking a detail of a rule. Those punishments would be far lighter, but they were addressed. We did this because it felt better to us than being lenient did. It seemed to get rid of the vagueness and sense of uncertainty that I felt if I didn’t follow a rule 100%, but still mostly followed it or kinda followed it. More than anything else, in practice, it just felt right to us. It was in doing it this way, that we felt our power exchange the strongest. Not in the punishments themselves, but in the way the rest of our relationship blossomed when this strict discipline was in place.

This strict form of DD is something some people struggle to understand, and I can understand why, yet I haven’t been fully satisfied with my ability to explain myself. It strikes some people as harsh, unforgiving, overly-critical, uptight, etc. They think it would make any insecurities, perfectionism, or guilt-issues worse. I understand why people who aren’t wired exactly the same way as I am see it that way. For some people I’m sure it would make them feel worse, like they were being picked on for being imperfect or something like that. I’ve basically only been able to respond to that by saying that I understand their view, but for some reason, it’s not like that for me. While sure, I can wallow in guilt sometimes, that happens for me when I’ve broken a rule that I should feel rally bad about anyway. Being punished for minor infractions doesn’t make me wallow in guilt over those issues. I still take the rule and infraction seriously, but it doesn’t make me feel low about myself.

Still, I understand why someone would think ‘Why punish for something as small as forgetting to gather the water glasses from the bedroom? If the rule is doing the dishes, and you did all the other dishes...that’s pretty good!”

It absolutely is pretty good. I agree. When I break more minor rules, it’s not that either of us thinks I have failed, or am ‘bad’, or really anything negative about me at all. It’s just that the rule wasn’t followed, which means our dynamic is out of place, and so we address it via punishment to get back on track.

I’ve had more leniency for quite a while now. I think it’s helped me to gain a deeper understanding of why I crave strict DD. For a while, it just seemed unreasonable to do strict DD, so we relaxed things. Then more recently, we came to the realization that while we’re under abnormally high levels of stress still, that this is going to be the case for the foreseeable future. Frankly, I don’t even want to guess how long it may be like this. But, while things are stressful, they aren’t as chaotic or unpredictable as they had been in the recent past. We’ve found some sense of normalcy, somehow. So, we felt like we could go back to stricter D/s, and we both wanted to.

While things were more relaxed, it wasn’t that we had fewer rules, we kept roughly the same amount, they were just relaxed in how strict they were, or how detailed they were. If I was supposed to vacuum on Wednesday but didn’t get to it, I could just do it Thursday. If I took my meds but forgot to refill my pill organizer, I wasn’t punished. I tried to follow the rules, and mostly did, but if they weren’t 100% up to par, we mostly let it go. That was really all that changed, and yet it felt like we were doing what we needed to do, but it didn’t feel like thriving. It was fine, but not as fulfilling as we know DD can be for us. A piece of the magic wasn’t present. Which is why we’ve decided to go back to more strictness now that it feels like we can. This experience gave me a period of less strictness vs more strictness to compare to each other.

So, why do I want the strictness?

Well, it does just feel better to me. It’s like having strict discipline fills in all the cracks in my heart. Strictness feels more fulfilling, more intimate, more powerful. But why? I think it’s about feeling secure within the boundaries, and it’s about connection. Those are the two main reasons.

For me, when I have a list of rules or chores, but I’m able to kinda do them my own way or on my own schedule for the most part? That leaves the boundaries not really restricting my day to day behavior that much. That means that I don’t feel the boundaries very much, because I can go about my week without really having to think much about them, without having to focus to accommodate them. Logically I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense. Boundaries can be farther out, but still very secure, or they can be more restrictive and also secure. But I need them to be tigher to feel them enough to relax into them. It’s like knowing that there’s a leash around my neck, but it’s so long that I move about as much as I ordinarily would and it never feels taut. And it’s still short enough to keep me from danger, but not to feel the taut feeling very often, and the taut feeling is what makes me feel safe.

While I don’t enjoy punishment itself, it has a clear positive impact on me overall. It makes me feel very closely watched over, and seen for who I am...a submissive who craves strict discipline. It let’s me feel his presence in a really detailed, up close way. It feels like his control is deeply intertwined with my day, everyday. Feeling that really deep, detailed sense of control in my day to day actions has a really positive impact on me and on our relationship. Because the fulfillment it gives me security that helps me to really let go, to breathe deeper, to feel more free, though that may seem ironic on the surface, it’s true. When our DD is less strict, I feel more burdened and stressed, more tense, like I’m carrying more on my shoulders. With stricter rules, and more detailed reminders of his control everyday, I am more at peace and feel more submissive because I feel so secure. That positive impact on me comes back to positively impact CD and make him feel better, too.

A small piece of it is also about interaction. The stricter the rules are, the more I have to turn to him for permission or approval. I can’t just say to myself ‘well I didn’t get to X, I can just do it tomorrow.’ if the rule says it’s done on Tuesdays. And a similar impact on his side. He has to keep a closer eye on me. So on both sides, we have to keep more in touch with each other on our DD on a daily basis, which helps us feel more connected to it, and to each other.

I don’t need strictness to ‘be good’. I don’t need strictness to feel our D/s. I do my best to support his leadership, to serve him, to keep my commitments to him, regardless of whether punishment is likely to occur. There are endless ways to feel our D/s without strictness. It’s just that for me, strictness speaks straight to my heart and brings a sense of peace and security that is uniquely fulfilling.

#sccwriting #writing #domestic discipline #d/s

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v3nusaphr0d1t3 · 3 years

Text

i know you want it in the worst way

crossposted on ao3: <3

rating: explicit

content warning: gay ass mfs, shameless porn, uhhhh impact play

dabi gets pegged by his roommate tomura / no quirk au / trans shiggy / camboy shiggy series

tomura had made an uncomfortable situation for himself. he currently sat at the kitchen table with his roommate, intent on devouring his half of the large pizza by himself in an unreasonable amount of time. dabi was intent on doing the same. but that wasn’t what was uncomfortable. it was the fact that recently, him and dabi had been getting cozy in between streams. it was new, and very strange.

going into this, tomura was honestly just excited for the views that he would get. but the amount of attention that he was getting because of his “chemistry” with dabi was insane. dabi would sleep in tomura’s bed most nights, or they would fall asleep on the couch together. dabi would make him coffee in the morning, or bring him chips on his way back from… whatever his job was. tomura tended to not get involved, because it wasn’t his business and frankly he didn’t care.

but he had begun to enjoy dabi’s presence in his room when he played games. his viewers had seen dabi plenty, and had taken to making fun of tomura in the stream chat. those that knew who dabi was were particularly relentless. and though tomura and dabi had been living together for nearly a year now, it felt like dabi had just recently begun making himself seen. like he had wiggled his way into tomura’s life, and slowly started to figure out his habits, breaking every wall tomura had up to keep people away from him.

hell, he started doing the chores more. it just seemed like he gave more of a shit. it gave tomura butterflies and also simultaneously made him nervous. it was one thing to fuck someone, but all this gushy shit was frightening. he hadn’t really let himself feel like that in a long time. especially since transitioning. but dabi seemed to take him seriously, and more so not really give a shit what tomura did. it was refreshing.

he hadn’t even really realized he had gotten stuck in his train of thought until dabi was waving a hand in front of his face.

“hello? creep? you with us?” dabi’s sarcasm shouldn’t have been an endearing as tomura found it.

tomura raised a non-existent eyebrow. “who’s ‘us’?” he asked, looking around to further the quip.

“me n’ the ghosts, fuck you mean?”

tomura chuckled, going back to his last bite of pizza, savoring it, and standing up to throw the box away. he set it next to the trash can and moved back to the table, sitting down with a satisfied stomach and a lingering question in his mind.

ever since dabi had made him cry on stream, he had revenge on his mind. he wanted to fuck this man into incoherency. and tomura had the advantage of being able to chose his dick size.

“hey,”

“hm?” dabi looked up from where he was staring off, holding his last slice of pizza.

“can i fuck you?” tomura asked in his plain, monotone voice.

“ain’t that what you were doin’?”

“no, i mean— i wanna fuck you. like, i top.” tomura explained as he set his head in his hands, grin splitting his face.

dabi raised his eyebrows, before matching tomura’s grin. “well, i’m not gonna say no to that. just know, you gotta live up to what i put down.”

“easy.” tomura’s competitive streak made it’s appearance. “be ready by tomorrow night, we’ve got a show to put on. you know what to do right?” tomura asked.

“yes, dumbass, i know what to do.”

“ok, ok. just wanted to hear you admit that you bottom.” tomura covered his grin with his hand, standing up and taking off, promptly ending the conversation.

the next time he saw dabi, he was at tomura’s door later that evening, just watching him play his games. this was part of a strange routine that they had developed, more time spent together recently than ever. tomura looked over and him, and nodded over to his bed, silently telling him to get comfortable. dabi did, faceplanting into tomura’s disheveled sheets and listening to the clicks of the mouse and tomura’s gamer rage.

it was nice, having company like this. it was quiet but it was nice.

and eventually, when tomura’s eyes got tired from staring at the screen, or when he got bored of the same strategies over and over again, he stood up from his chair, popping both of his knees in the process, and made his way to the bed. dabi still laid there, asleep. it was a strange and soft sight that tomura enjoyed. it made him queasy to know that he slept beside this man, completely vulnerable, but he did. he didn’t really know when it started, or what they were at this point, but a warm body was a warm body. and tomura crawled in next to him, feeling the sleeping man stir, only to sling his tattooed arm over tomura and pull them together. it was nice. this was nice.

and tomura woke up before dabi like he always did. it always confused him how dabi went to bed before him and woke up after him. he guessed some people just needed more sleep. he took a cigarette from dabi’s jacket at the end of the bed, making his way to the window to sit in the window sill, feet on the fire escape, as he lit it. he liked the watch the all the people, and his lack of sleep always fueled that interest. he only heard footsteps for a moment before dabi wrapped his arms around tomura’s waist mid-inhale, making him cough and struggle.

“you shithead! i should kill you,” tomura grumbled too loud for the morning air.

“mmm, shut it.” dabi’s morning voice was lovely, and it made the morning feel warm. no more words were said, but they were felt as dabi continued to hold tomura, stealing the cigarette from him. and when it went out, dabi entwined their hands and watched the street below with him.

it was nice, this was nice.

this type of intimacy was something that tomura wasn’t used to. but the other kind, the one they were gearing up for to stream to tomura’s viewers, tomura was very used to.

the heat in his gut flared up more as the day went on, when tomura showered, when dabi went on a run for his ‘job’, and when dabi went to go take a shower, tomura went to get ready himself. he pulled out his box from under his bed, pulling out his 8 incher. he wanted to ruin dabi and this bright pink instrument of doom would seem to do the trick. he found his harness and the lube, and laid them all on his desk as he made his bed and cleaned up his room. it was consistently a disaster, he just tried to avoid the mess making its way into his camera shot. by the time most of his shit was pushed out of view of the camera, he heard the shower turn off and dabi step out of it.

tomura sat back on his bed in his boxers and hoodie, materials in sight of the camera which was on and ready for him to press the “go live” button. his door opened, and there stood dabi in his t-shirt and boxers, looking domestic but sexy as all hell. he had a fire in his eyes as he usually did before the streams. he looked at the strap on tomura’s bed and immediately, his face was red and he was shifting where he stood.

“so— we really doin’ this, huh creep?” he murmured, eyes still glued to the toy.

“i mean— you can back out if you want, i haven’t started the stream—”

“no! no, i— i- uh. i wanna.” dabi cut tomura off, already stammering over his words.

and tomura was already obsessed with the shade of red dabi was turning. the white-haired man shuffled his way over to the laptop, making sure all of his settings were in check and all of his links worked, before looking back to dabi.

“ready?” tomura asked, and dabi nodded, sitting back on the bed.

tomura started the stream, waiting a few moments for the viewers to flood in.

“hi! welcome back, you guys are in for a treat this time. it’s my turn to fuck him stupid, as revenge.”

tomura would never get over the way he acted in front of a camera. it was so freeing, which was strange. he felt more natural in front of all these strangers than he did in public. it was absurd and he adored it.

>> hellz yeah!! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

>> Peg the cissie

tomura chuckled at that one. his viewers always entertained him, whether by being inconsolably horny or genuinely funny. either way, he turned back to dabi, grin splitting his face. there was a glint of excitement in the other mans eye, and he could tell this was going to be fun.

tomura made his first move soft, moving his hands up dabi’s tattooed legs to rub his thighs, leaning in for a kiss that was softer than the ones that they had shared before. he started everything off slow, making his way between dabi’s legs as they kissed. it was a push and pull, less biting, and less aggression. though, because it was them, playful nips were a given. tomura earned a nice breathy chuckle from dabi when he moved his hand up to grip the base of dabi’s head by his hair, carding his fingers through it.

when they had to pull away for air, tomura moved on to dabi’s neck, kissing along his jaw to suck a mark onto him, high up on his neck. practically impossible to hide. tomura liked that. dabi was still surefire, breathing only slightly sped up. tomura slid his thigh in between dabi’s to give him something to work his hips on, and he did. he grinded his hips against tomura’s thigh as tomura sucked more into his skin, biting onto the junction between dabi’s neck and his shoulder, making the aforementioned man whine almost pathetically.

“oh— you sound really pretty, dabi.” tomura was always a bit insecure of his voice, whiney and craggly, but dabi seemed to enjoy the sentiment. it made tomura’s gut clench, the way dabi’s breath caught.

“why don’t we open you up, huh? can i eat you out?” tomura wouldn’t be able to spew any filth like this if the camera wasn’t on. it was the false confidence, the performance. but the words were true, dabi really was gorgeous in this moment. tomura didn’t believe how he hadn’t seen it before.

“god— yes, yeah—” dabi’s reply was deep and gutteral, leaned back on his hands as he spread his legs. tomura took to getting dabi out of his pants, pulling his boxers down himself and pulling him by his thighs to lay spread open. tomura was on his stomach, level with dabi’s crotch as he let out little puffs of breath to watch dabi arch into nothing. it was insane how responsive the man was already, and tomura hadn’t even touched him. he had to do this more often.

“jesus— get on it with, will ya’?” dabi’s tone was laced with annoyance, looking down at tomura with a blush on his face and a glint in his eye. tomura’s grin was mischievous as he moved to kiss along dabi’s inner thigh.

“that’s no way to ask for something. you know what you want. ask for it.”

and this was where dabi’s stubbornness kicked in. his lips stayed sealed as he arched against nothing. tomura sat up, moving back from dabi and looking him in the eye. tomura took to running his fingers along the inside of dabi’s legs, up his torso, to his chest, over his nipples, and back down. feather light, only enough to make goosebumps erupt all over.

tomura could tell dabi was trying really hard not to give in. not to move. to do nothing.

“beg. i know you want to.” tomura being able to get away with being a shithead was gonna go to his head if it continued to feel this good. tomura leaned in, just over dabi’s ear, and dragged his nails over dabi’s outer thighs.

“good boys know how to beg, dabi.” his voice was still that monotone, with a hint of mockery. and dabi caved.

“please. please, please please—”

“better than that, i know you’re smarter than that, pretty boy.”

“i need you, tomura, give it to me, give me something, please—”

having dabi like this without even touching him was definitely getting to tomura’s head. but dabi had done good, so tomura moved down and licked a stripe over dabi’s hole. he heard him gasp, so without letting the other man get his bearings, he immediately began his assault, circling his rim with his tongue and running it up and over his taint to swirl the tip of his cock. he moved back down to push his tongue in with little flick, opening him up slightly with the glide of the wet muscle.

above him, dabi was trying to hold in his whimpers and moans, moving one of his hands to muffle himself before tomura, without discontinuing his attention to dabi’s hole, grabbed his arm and shoved it back to the bed. dabi’s next groan was fully exposed to the camera and was like music to tomura’s ears.

tomura knew dabi had a thing for the camera. he knew it from the second dabi asked to join him. so tomura made dabi the star this time. and by god was he doing it well. tomura pulled back and wiped his mouth with his hoodie sleeve.

“you sound really good,” tomura murmured, finally grabbing the lube and hearing dabi sigh in relief with the pop of the cap. he was rock hard and practically leaking against his stomach.

tomura poured some out on his fingers, trying to warm it in his hand but apparently failing if dabi’s hiss was any indication of temperature. he rubbed his fingertips along dabi’s hole, hearing dabi’s breathy whines speed up.

“what did we learn last time?” tomura asked leisurely, looking dabi right in his hazy eyes. he continued his ministrations, teasing but never fulfilling, just never enough to satisfy. he wanted to drive dabi insane, and patience was key. he wanted this boy to beg and pant for the camera, to scream out for him. he wanted dabi to fall apart like putty in his hands, and all he had to do was wait.

but he wouldn’t. yet again, he was denying tomura his sweet, wrecked words yet again. tomura wouldn’t have that. he removed his fingers from where they were running light little circles against dabi’s hole and used his non-lubed hand to run his fingers lightly across dabi’s inner thighs again. dabi groaned in frustration and dropped onto his elbows, giving tomura a death stare like no other. the fire in his eyes was bright, and tomura wanted to dive in and burn. he gave a lazy smirk as he dipped his hand into the crease between the other man’s thigh and his pelvis, running his finger down and avoiding the spot where dabi wanted him the most.

“fuck off,” dabi moaned these words despite their meaning, and tomura could tell that they were not meant to be taken literally.

“you’re such a mess already, and i haven’t even fucked you. come on, say what you gotta say. be good, for once.” tomura was spouting off, dripping wet in his boxers as he leaned in over dabi.

“make me, creep. make me, if you want it so fuckin’ bad.” dabi’s tone betrayed how fond he was of the situation he was in, though still whiny as all hell. tomura almost didn’t want to give him what he was so obviously baiting for. still, tomura would never pass an opportunity to whip the other man into shape.

he wasn’t the strongest, but dabi was in such a shaky state that he was able to manhandle him on his stomach with his ass up, face pressed into the pillow by virtue of tomura’s hand on the back of his head. and without hesitation, tomura laid down a smack hard enough to rattle his teeth on dabi’s ass. he saw the other man light up and he heard a groan loud enough to be loud through the pillow. tomura couldn’t imagine what the chat looked like right now. he didn’t care. they wanted authenticity, he would deliver.

tomura watched a print of his hand slowly appear on dabi’s right asscheek as dabi waggled his hips to try to entice tomura further. he decided to bite, laying another smack just as hard where his thigh met his ass, hearing a loud gasp as dabi drooled onto the pillow. and another, and another. he continued with a few more until dabi was whining into open air, little mewls and whimpers coming from where he had turned his head to the side to breathe better tomura’s hand sneaking its way into his hair and pulling occasionally.

tomura leaned over dabi, right up next to his ear, and murmured, “you wanna be a good boy now and beg for it? come on, i don’t have all day.” his fond little words combined with the stinging pain on dabi’s ass must have made the wall in his head break down.

“please, please gimme somethin’— i need it, c’mon, tomura,” dabi stretched out his lovers name like a prayer, clinging to every syllable like it would satisfy him in tomura’s absence.

either way, tomura finally spread dabi’s cheeks and slowly slid one finger in with surprising ease. he heard dabi whimper yet again, and knew he wouldn’t have to wait much longer to add a second. he did just that, working through whatever resistance the other man’s body posed him. dabi was already a puddle beneath him, little breaths driving tomura up the wall. he was about at the end of his rope here. he wasn’t a patient man, but something about dabi made him one. he couldn’t see himself spending this much time riling anyone else up, and it was strange to see this man make him so different.

he added another finger, watching with hungry eyes as his fingers were repeatedly engulfed. he curled them up against dabi’s walls and watched the man deflate. it was almost amusing.

still, he decided to finally take mercy on the poor thing and stood up to put on the harness. he heard dabi whine and turn over, hissing when his ass hit the bedsheets. tomura got his dick strapped into the harness and turned around with a half assed ‘ta-da’ gesture, smiling when dabi let out a husky little chuckle at the imagery of tomura’s bright pink strap against his black boxers.

he got up onto the bed, seeing now the product of his teasing in the way dabi leaned into his every touch. he lubed up and lined up with dabi’s hole, moving one of dabi’s legs to be on his shoulder. dabi was all limbs, so it was surprisingly easy. and for how leggy he was, he was unexpectedly flexible. tomura began to push in, making eye contact with dabi as he leaned over him, nearly folding the poor man in half as tomura laid one hand beside dabi’s head.

in this process, he had nearly all the way pushed into dabi, and the man below him was losing his mind.

“f- fuck i— i didn’ think it was that big—” dabi’s murmuring was more to himself, but the words went to tomura’s head for some reason. he was smirking as dabi tried to wiggle to get that last bit inside of him, groaning like he needed it.

“tomura, god, please,” the desperation in his voice was the straw that broke the camel’s back. tomura slammed the rest of the way in, and started a relentless pace. the impact of tomura’s clothed thighs against dabi’s raw skin was just another sensation that he could practically see the other man drowning in.

and tomura didn’t know what it was about him, his pretty eyes, his miles of tattooed skin, his long and clumsy limbs, his raspy voice and his overall demeanor, but the feelings that head built up for this man made it all the more breathtaking to watch him fall apart. and tomura couldn’t help but tell him, the camera made him more brave than he was.

“you’re pretty like this.”

“tomura, harder—”

“good boy,”

that little coo of two simple words made dabi keen, throwing his head back, long expanse of his neck exposed and just so gorgeous. tomura was going to lose it. tomura brought a hand up from dabi’s hips to his neck just to fit his hand around it. it felt dangerous, dabi so open and vulnerable for him here, opening up for tomura on film.

“you like that? you like being good for the camera? for me?”

dabi’s breathing was heavy staccato as he arched off the bed, and tomura took his over leg over his shoulder to fuck into him faster. tomura could tell he was nearing his end, hiccups of breath accentuating the way his eyes rolled back into his head at a particularly hard thrust, the drag and friction of the synthetic cock inside him too much for him to bear. he was flushed from his ears to his shoulders, a gorgeous color that tomura was currently particularly obsessed with.

“t- touch me tomura, please, i need to cum—”

“you wanna come? go on, convince me some more.”

“please, i’ll be so good tomura, give it to me, c’mon— i want it, can i? please,” he was repeating himself, so out of his own head to even produce a more intelligent answer. eventually his begging turned into these messy little moans that had tomura feening.

he sounded too pretty, and yet again tomura caved.

he swiped up some of the precum that had accumulated on dabi’s stomach (gross but effective) and started working dabi’s cock in time with his thrusts.

“cum for me, dabi, you’re allowed. you’ve been good for me, come on,” tomura coaxed the other man along as he finally reached his orgasm, spraying all over his own stomach and even managing to land some on tomura.

dabi took a while of deep breathing to finally calm down. in that time, tomura ended the stream with a warm goodbye and promise for more and went off to get tylenol, water and a rag.

wiping jizz off your fuckbuddie’s stomach wasn’t supposed to be particularly tender, but the way dabi’s eyelashes fluttered until the soft touch made tomura’s heart flutter. gross. dabi was a blushy mess, he presumed because of the other man’s prior begging and pleading for tomura’s dick.

“hey, tomu?” his words were barely above a murmur.

“hm?”

“you didn’t get off, did you?”

tomura had completely forgotten, so caught up in dabi’s pleasure and entertaining the viewers in the heat of the moment that the throbbing heat in his dick was slammed back into him at the mere mention of it.

“get yer’ ass over here,”

#shigadabi #shigaraki tomura #dabi bnha #bnha dabi #bnha shigaraki #touya todoroki #no quirks au btw

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secondhand-trash · 4 years

Text

Summer Night Lights

A/N: summer server collab and I’m hypeddddddd go check out the masterlist by the lovely @cellotonin here so you can get the summer romance you deserve with all your favourite characters👀💕

Pairing: carnival worker!Sero Hanta x reader

Description: You thought a summer working at the local carnival would be miserable but your fellow carnival worker was determined to show you the magic of it.

Word count: 6142

Playlist:

東京サマーセッション//HoneyWorks

A Summer Song//Chad & Jeremy

Sherry//The Four Seasons

You knew your summer was ruined the moment your parents started nagging you to go and find a job.

You were stuck in school for months, crying over deadlines and assignments and group mates who just wouldn’t do their part of the project and trying to not fluke that one paper that will make your gpa slip down the drain, you felt like you deserved to take a break during these few weeks of buffer you had before the cycle starts all over again when the next semester hits. But no, apparently not. Not according to your parents who made sure to click their tongues at you and hand you flyers and flyers of all the places that were hiring summer workers.

At first, you were determined that you would not budge no matter what. This was your vacay and no amount of disapproving sighs or constant pressure could take that away from you, you received plenty of those in your daily life anyways.

It was a slow battle of sly comments and blunt eye rolls, mutual torture to see who broke down first.

You did not lose the war, you thought to yourself as you mindlessly followed the smiley man that was the owner of Ringley’s Pier Side Carnival as he pointed to each and every single stall you walked by with an excitement that you could not begin to understand. You merely compromised after being cornered by the monarchy of your parent’s unreasonable authority, that was all.

A job at the carnival by the pier in town. It was take it or have yet another argument, and you did not need to think in order to know which one of these choices would give you less of a headache.

A carnival, but it was more like a rundown section of the pier that has a carousel, a ferris wheel and some lights, that was it. Each sign of the stalls lining up at the sides of the main road was hand painted, the colour long worn off after years and rain and sunshine. The road itself had weed crawling up the edge of the concrete. The only reason why locals still came to the pier was for the carousel and the ferris wheel that lights up every night. You remember being so thrilled to see them light up when the sun set back when you were a kid and would beg for your parents to bring you to the fair. You thought it was the most beautiful sight when the lights reflected off the water and illuminated the pier, children walking around holding the prizes they won and cotton candy so fluffy that it covered up their faces.

But that was back when you didn’t know that outside of the pier, there were places where the light shines brighter and the ferris wheel sitting by the water was nothing compared to the ones you would see in big cities unlike your small town.

The carnival never changes. It had been years and years since you last stepped foot through those gates but nothing was different, and quite frankly you did not understand how people were not bored of it already.

This couldn’t be that bad, you took in a deep breath as you politely nodded while the man talked about how it was always exciting to welcome new members to the family. You could feel the sweat soaking through your shirt, the staff t-shirt that you were handed and would be expected to wear every day from now on was in the most heinous shade of yellow you had ever laid your eyes on, you were sure you would not be able to get the circus music playing from the speakers out of your head no matter how hard you try and it had only been 20 minutes since you started your first day, but this could not be that bad.

You were determined to have a good summer, even though “good summer” now consisted of pretending to be sorry when people didn’t win a price in a clearly rigged game and standing for hours under the summer heat.

You felt a sharp ache in your eyes as the beads of sweat that was rolling down from your forehead fell through your lashes, squinting them together to get rid of the irritation that was added to your existing discomfort.

“Hanta! Come over here!”

Your vision was still blurry when you spot a figure popping out from behind one of the stalls and jogging your way. Blinking as you try to look at who it was that the man enthusiastically called over, you could still see the unmistakable shade of yellow that the blur of a person was sporting.

“This is Sero Hanta, the staff favourite” you rubbed the back of your hand against your eyes to clear up your sight, barely able to open your eyes as you slowly saw the boy who the owner had one arm around his shoulder. He brushed off the compliment with a shake of his head, his lips curling up to show a toothy grin, “he will teach you everything you need to know around here so just give him a call- like I just did,” the man gave Sero a strong slap on the back and laughed before continuing, “when you need help.”

You put on a polite smile as he extended his hand towards you and gave it a light shake. His face was flushed with sweat soaked through the messily cut strands of hair that was stuck to his forehead. He was wearing the same Ringley’s Carnival shirt that you were holding in your hand, only his was much more crinkly and the elastic of his collar was loose and out of shape. The print of the Ringley mascot, a man who looked like a knock off mr pringles with a wide smile on its face and without the mustache, on his chest was already starting to crack, the plastic print at multiple spots already wrinkled and threatening to crack.

“So,” he grinned as he waited for you outside the staff resting room, his back to the door as he spoke. You could barely hear him as you hastily pulled the staff t-shirt over your head. You grimaced at the smell of plastic that still lingered on the shirt from the bag it came in. You thought you had gotten used to the colour after staring it in your hand for so long but as you looked at yourself in the dirty mirror at the corner, you still feel the dread at how utterly tacky it was. “first day, huh?”

Sero turned around the moment he heard you open the door, the smile still hanging on his face as he complimented you on how good the shirt looks on you. (You did not find it to be a compliment at all, but you still did the polite thing and thanked him.)

Somehow his smile reminded you of the obnoxiously happy mascot of the carnival.

“Yeah.” you reply was clearly no match for his enthusiasm but he didn’t seem to mind at all as he only picked up the pace of his walk.

“I still remember my first day at the carnival,” he said as he lifted up the little barricade at the side of a stall and held it open for you as you walked in. It was stuffy and the walls of gigantic plush animals did not help with cooling you down at all but at least you were under the shade now. “spent my entire childhood coming down to the pier every night and I knew at that time that I wanted to work here at some point.” he smiled as he pulled off the heavy cloth that was covering the front table of the stall, leaning his body out to hang up the prizes at the sides, “seeing the pier light up as a visitor is pretty cool but seeing it from the inside? Now that was magical.”

You chuckled, trying your best not to sound too salty. If he had said this to you maybe a good 5 years ago, maybe you could relate to that but now? You knew how the second bulb to the left on the carousel had been broken since years ago and that every time after a particularly heavy downpour, the neon lights of the ferris wheel would blink furiously for a concerning amount of time before it finally calmed down. You did not really understand what was so magical about a carnival that was in some desperate need of repairing but then again, it didn’t really matter to you. You were only here so your parents would give you a break and that was all.

“How so?” you asked, mostly out of politeness and a hope that he would keep talking so you could avoid the eventual awkward silence.

You were a bit taken back by the glint in his eyes as he turned around, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed in front of his chest. “Well-”

“Mom! Look!”

He was interrupted by a gleeful squeal from a distance. Looking up, you saw a young boy pulling his mom towards the stall by the sleeve. He was pointing excitedly at the largest teddy bear that was hanging at the rail, eyes glimmering with excitement as he turned back to his mother and asked if she thinks he could get the big prize.

You felt a ping of sadness as you set up the game after Sero took the token from the boy’s hand. You knew how this works, the cups that was stacked up all had a weight at the bottom of it. Not enough for it to be impossible to knock down, but definitely not an attainable goal for a small child like the one that was standing in front of the tent now. He looked so hopeful, and you could already imagine how disappointed he would be after failing each shot.

Standing to the side as the little boy got ready, Sero was leaning next to the stack of cups with one hand on his waist and his palm supporting him on the table. The little boy got three shots and as you had expected, the obstacles barely even budged even though it seemed like he swung the ball forward with all his might.

“Aw! So close!” Sero exclaimed, “You got one more, aim it at the base and make it count!”

You did not understand how easily he could say something like that knowing how the game was designed so that young children who were drawn to the stall by the only good prize would never win. But he did not seem like he was lying and as he smiled, it was like he really did think that the boy would have a chance at the fuzzy bear that was hung up by the arms.

Perhaps that was what made him the staff favourite, because you felt awkward just standing there smiling and he managed to stay genuine even knowing how things work around here.

You did not have the heart to watch the little boy sling his last shot, and that was when you saw it.

Right as the plastic ball was about to hit at the cup that stood at the middle of the stack, Sero leaned forward just a little like he wanted to take a better look. But since you were standing at his side, you could see the way the tip of his fingers moved just enough for him to touch the edge of the cup, giving it a light push at the exact moment the ball hit. Every move he took was minuscule and unless you really looked, you wouldn’t even see how he poked the base forward, making the entire stack crumble.

Your eyes widened as the boy cheered, raising his hand to ask for a high five from his mother as he pointed to the fallen cups, completely unaware of the fact that if it wasn’t for the lanky carnival worker who acted like nothing just happened and handed him the largest teddy bear that he had wanted, there was no way he would even come close to even touching the plushie.

“Have fun!” Sero yelled as he waved, watching the little boy hugged the bear tight to his chest with satisfaction. His grin only got wider when he turned around to see how dazed you were.

“Did you just-”

“Sh!” he glared at you playfully, holding one finger up against his lips as he winked, “It’s a commercial secret.”

You worked at the same stall next to him all throughout the day until the sun set and every time there was a little kid that came over, you would pay extra attention to see if he pulled the same trick again. It seemed like he would only cheat for the kids who came over with their hands empty, or the ones whose parent seemed to be reluctant to let their kids use up the tokens that they paid for on a game that they knew from their adult minds, was rigged.

There was a special sense of satisfaction that rose in your chest when you saw their eyes widened the moment the loud crash of cups falling down echoed in the tent, and you did not even notice that you were grinning ear to ear until Sero shot you a knowing look by the end of the day.

“You wanna know why I help the kids cheat?” he asked nonchalantly as he pulled down each of the prizes that were still hanging on the rack to put them back into the back of the stall.

You nodded, “Clearly the owner of the carnival wouldn’t be too happy to know that you are helping them lose money?”

He laughed, holding the pink bunny in his arm as he turned around to face you. “If you are running the carnival, would you rather have people win a prize from you once and keep coming back or to get the profit from the one game and one game only?”

You fell silent and he smirked. “I know what you think about this place, that it is worn out and so so small compared to the much nicer parks out there and if you give anyone the choice, there is no way they would choose the carnival over the many exciting places there is outside of the pier,” you felt the temperature of your face raising as he accurately pointed out exactly what you were thinking, “but the lack of magic is what makes it so special.”

“Hm?”

“When kids come here, this is all they are going to get. They won’t see talking mice or fancy rides, it’s just us out here with our simple games and cheaply made prices,” he continued, “so in some sense, you are right. When people step out of those gates, they probably wouldn’t remember what the pier looks like years or months later,” Sero smiled and suddenly you felt so small under his gaze, “but some of them, maybe one of them will still remember winning the biggest teddy bear from the hands of two summer workers who had sweat soaked through their shirts years and years later, and one day when they have their own kids, they would bring them here and tell them ‘hey, see that? I won that when I was your age!’.”

“And that,” he tapped himself on the chest, "is why the carnival is magical even though you can see past the magic so easily.”

The sun had just sunk below the horizon of the ocean, the sound of seagulls flying above the pier filled your ears as you felt the first breeze of wind for the day. The other stalls had already packed up, and from the corner of your eye, you could see the ferris wheel lighting up.

Sero chuckled at your expression, giving you a pat on the shoulder before walking out of the stall. “Just you wait, you’re gonna fall in love with this place by the end of this.”

He cut you off before you could even try to object, “And while that happens, how do you feel about hotdog? There’s this place that everyone likes to hang out at that sells the best chili dog. My treat, aye? In celebration of your first day.”

Your legs were sore from standing all day long and you felt disgusting at how your entire back was covered in sweat. Realistically, you just wanted to go home, take a shower and flop onto your bed. But somehow, hotdog just sounded super enticing right now.

“Sure.”

You had no idea what had gotten into you, maybe it was the side effect of being under the heat for so long that your brain was starting to malfunction but as you take a bite of your chili dog (which you nearly had to fight Sero just so you can pay for it before he did) while listening to everyone else talking about their day on the steps of the pier, somehow you thought the pier actually looked kind of pretty.

Your summer now consisted of standing under a stuffy tent for hours a day and running around to fill in for whatever position that was short in help which was pretty far from what you had in mind for an ideal summer. But somehow you started to feel something other than tiredness in your body when you wrapped things up for the day and watched as the carnival lighted up.

You felt like you were starting to get the hang of being a carnival worker, and you were not sure how you felt about it.

Sero, on the other and, only hollered when you expressed your very genuine concern to him after you moved to stand at the optimal cheating spot in the stall out of reflex without needing any hints from the boy.

You slapped him on the arm when he pretended to wipe away a tear after handing the prize to the little girl with pigtails.

“You have grown up so much...” you rolled your eyes as he dramatically sniffled, “now you don’t need me here with you anymore...”

“Well, it is more fun when you are around,” you paused when you saw the grin he was sporting the moment you spoke, “please don’t-”

“A W E!”

You pretended to push him away as he threw one arm around your shoulder. Indeed, you would probably still be here mopping if it wasn’t for him making this much more enjoyable than you had ever expected it to be.

You would not tell him though, because you had no interest in giving him the satisfaction of “turning you into a carnival lover”.

Speaking of Sero, you wondered where he was now. Probably somewhere that didn’t involve being under direct sunlight and a cotton candy machine that was probably older than you.

You had noticed that ever since your very first day, but you had never been more certain that the owner of the carnival himself was more hyped for every little thing about this place than anyone else when he excitedly showed the entire staff the old cotton candy machine he found at the back room during the morning briefings that day like he had just won the lottery.

The machine was... old and it took you a good amount of arm and core muscle just to get the steel ring of the machine to look somewhat clean to use. You had your doubts on whether the thing was safe to use or not but as your friend commented when he walked past you furiously scrubbing the silver lid of the machine, what goes better with a carnival than cotton candy?

“Have a nice day!” you smiled, watching as the couple walked away from your tiny stall with a huge cloud of pink on their hands.

“No offence, but you kind of suck at this.”

“Just because you said ‘no offence’ doesn’t make it not offensive,” you did not need to look up to know who it was poking fun at you, you arched your eyebrow up as you stared at Sero who stopped in front of your cart with a card box filled with used tokens in hand, “also, if you are so good at it, why don’t you come over and prove it?”

He huffed, putting the heavy box of printed tickets down on the concrete floor before walking towards you and picking up one of the paper sticks at the side of the machine.

“Watch and learn.”

You did not expect him to lean directly over, his left hand hooked over your shoulder as the other shoved the stick with red and white swirls into your hand. You were dazed when you felt his hand holding yours, extending You could feel the heat radiating off his body at this proximity and his cheek was right next to yours. His eyes were focused on the machine that was starting to swirl but you could not brush it off your mind about how you could see each bead of sweat on his forehead and his eyelashes as he looked down.

The sun was burning especially hot today.

You had no choice but to stare straight ahead, knowing that if your eyes even wandered you would have an even harder time holding it together. You could feel each finger of his around your hand and you were starting to feel self-conscious if he noticed how sweaty your hands were. You held your breath as the pink sugar twirled and twirled around the stick. Your mind was spinning faster than the strings of candy that was starting, hoping that he didn’t hear the pounding in your chest you were desperately trying to calm down

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck-

“There you go,” his chirpy voice snapped you out of your trance and you tried to not show how relief you were that he finally let go of your hand. He was grinning ear to ear as he inspected his handiwork, tearing off a piece of the cotton fluff and put it in his mouth before walking away from you. He hummed at the sweetness, licking his fingers clean before picking up the box of tokens he put to the side and walked backwards away from you. “now you know how to do it like a real pro.”

The heat of his touched lingered on your skin and you breathed, trying hard to put a stop to the stammering in your chest. You stared at the cloud of sugar in your hand, not really knowing what to do with it.

The sugar was melting the moment you touched it. Putting a small piece on your tongue, you closed your eyes as the flavour slowly expanded in your mouth.

God, it was so sweet.

You could not get the way his hand felt on yours out your mind no matter how many times you told yourself that it probably didn’t mean much, that he was just being playful as he was. But the more you tried, the less you could get the thought of what if it actually meant something out your head. Now you read every single thing he did around you like if you looked closely enough, you would find some hint, some sign from him on how you were supposed to take the whole thing.

And with all the time you spent looking, your summer was coming to an end.

“Is it just me,” you looked up at him as you took a sip of your soda (which Sero did pay for because he was near relentless about it), “or is it almost the end of summer?”

You sighed, feeling the fizz that was bubbling in your mouth. The pier was very calm tonight, the sound of water crashing against the shore tickling your senses. “It is,” you said, running your hand down your face to feel the coldness left from the glass bottle, “cannot wait to be back at school next week.”

“Wait,” Sero’s eyes widened, “you’re serious?”

You quirked up your eyebrow in a look of judgement, “Did I not sound sarcastic enough? Clearly I’m not excited to be suffering at school again.”

“No, no, I mean that you’re going back in a week?” he said.

You hummed in response, chuckling a little when he suddenly got quiet, “what? Miss me already?”

“Well, yeah?”

Fucking... how could he just say that out loud without any hesitation? Feeling the heat rising on your cheeks, you quickly picked up the bottle next to you and take a sip of the chilled drink. “I’ve only been here for, what, a month? You did fine before I showed up.”

“It’s not the same! What’s the point of me trying to be funny if there isn’t anyone around to roll their eyes at me?” he exclaimed, laughing as you very compliantly gave him one of those eyes rolls that formed the entire mode of how you communicate, “we should do something fun on your last day though!”

You chuckled, “Like what?”

“Like... like... ” he paused before suddenly lifting up, a thrilled glint in his eyes as he perked up, “Oh, I know! We should go around the carnival and have fun, like we are just another visitor! How long has it been since you had been on the rides?”

“You said ‘rides’ like it isn’t just those two,” tilting your head, you silently recalled when the last time you stepped onto the pier before this summer was. “Around... 8 years ago?”

Sero let out a dramatic gasp and put his hand on his chest. “Then we have to make sure you at least get a taste of the carnival before you leave!”

He did not bring that up again the next few days and you just assumed that he had forgotten about his little plan. You did not want to admit that you were a tad bit disappointed, given how excited he was talking about how much you missed out on the past years, but the thought of bringing it up yourself made you want to crawl under a hole.

The fact that you were so concerned about how he might react that you couldn’t even bring yourself to mention it casually, made you want to crawl under a hole.

You stared ahead as the sun set, silently in awe of how fast time flew by since the first time you witnessed this view. You traced your finger along the edge of the cotton candy machine, smiling to yourself when you remembered how you made working here sound like torture in your head. You would miss seeing the way people beam when they walk away with a prize in hand, or the way the pier lights up with a click at a precise time every night, or eating a chili dog whilst listening to Sero’s dumb jokes.

Or Sero, you might miss Sero.

“Where are you going?”

Ah, speak of the devil.

“Going to put the tokens down at the office and get changed.” you turned around, showing him the box you had in hand.

“What?” he said, taking the box from you despite your protest, “yeah, no, we are going to go around the carnival, remember?”

“I thought-”

“You thought I forgot?” he laughed and the sound strummed at your heart strings, “No way, I’ve been planning this since you told me you were leaving soon.”

You weren’t sure if you were more happy that he actually did intent to hold onto his own words or if you were more annoyed at how happy you were that he remembered.

The owner of the carnival looked like he was about to cry when you came through the office to drop off the box of tokens, talking about how wonderful it had been to have you on the team and how you will forever be a part of the family. “Have fun!” he said in between sniffles. It felt weird to be on the receiving end of that phrase after saying it to people for so long.

You had a feeling he might know more than you do when you turned back to see the smile he was trying to hold back as Sero pulled you out of the office doors.

You were barely catching up as Sero pulled you along the main road past all the closed stalls. “We have to get on the carousel before they light it up.”

“But why?” you asked, “Don’t people usually go on after it lights up?”

He wiggled his fingers side by side as he clicked his tongue. “That’s what people who have never worked at a carnival would say,” he nodded to the technician by the gates as he made way directly to one of the horses at the back instead of the prettier ones that people usually opted for, “I am trying to show you when the magic happens.”

There were a few of the carousel horses that were more loved by the visitors, the ones that kids would race to climb on the moment they were let into the gates. But he insisted that you had to go all the way to the back instead of choosing the ones where the gold paint had not come off yet.

He extended an arm to you and you laughed as you took it. You felt the lump at the back of your throat when he put his hand on your waist as he helped you onto the saddle. Your face burned when you were reminded of the last time you felt his hand and even more so when you realised that he didn’t let go of you even after you steady yourself. For a moment he just stood there, one hand on the horse and him being so so close to you. You could particularly felt his chest against your side and your mind went blank at the contact.

“Oh,” he stumbled back, his hand to the back of his neck as he forced out a laugh at the sudden realisation of how he still had his hand on you, “sorry.”

You were tempted to tell him that you didn’t mind, but swallowed it as he leaped onto the horse next to yours and the crisp ring of the music started.

The carousel started spinning, and you leaned forward on the rail as the horse moved up and down. There were paintings at the side of the carousel but most of them washed out after not being touched up on for so long.

“I still don’t get your insistent about being on the ride at this particular time.” you said, looking to your side.

Sero grinned, like he knew something you didn’t. “Just wait.”

The sky was starting to dim as the last tinge of orange slowly faded away from the burnt up clouds until it was gone little by little.

And then you saw it.

As if on cue, the entire pier lit up in a matter of seconds. Bulbs and bulbs of fairy lights along the side littering all across the sky, like stars but right at your eyes. The carousel was facing right towards the ferris wheel when it happened, and you could not contain the awe when you see the ride brightened up the entire carnival like it brought life to the place. Even though the paint was worn out and the gold had fallen of bits by bits over time, the world around you lighted up as the carousel spun to the music like you just walked into a child’s music box.

It was magical.

As if he could read your mind, Sero leaned against you. “Told you seeing it from the inside is magical.”

For a second, the world that was beyond the carousel melted into nothing more than a blur. It was just you and him, surrounded by the golden lights and the music by your ears.

He was looking right at you, and you did not look away as you smiled.

You had yet to snap out of the trance you just experienced when the ride stopped. Mouthing him a soft thank you as he gave you his hand to hold onto, you carefully leaped off of the seat and felt your heart skipped a beat when he naturally held you in his arm until you got back onto your feet.

You tried not to make too much out of how he didn’t let go of your wrist as he turned around to grin at you, “Come on, there’s one more place we have to go before this is complete.”

Seeing it on the ground was one thing, but seeing it up above was a whole another deal.

The pier seemed small when you looked out of the window from the small compartment you were in. It was cramped and your knees were touching his as he sat opposite from you, grinning from ear to ear as you stared at the carnival below the two of you.

“I’m going to miss this place.”

“Aha-,” he said, crossing his arms as he puffed out his chest, “I told you you’ll end up liking it here."

You wondered what it would be like if it wasn’t him that you were partnered with on your first day. Would you still be mopping over the fact that your summer was taken away? What would you be doing right now?

Turns out, he was right about the carnival all along. The magic was in the people that put their heart into this place and Sero Hanta proved it to you by convincing you to put yours in here too.

The ferris wheel slowly went up and the weight in your heart raised as you got further and further to the top. This was your last night here. You spent your summer looking for signs, what would you do when time was slowly running out?

“Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?” Sero sat up straight, the print on his shirt shifting. The Ringley mascot smiled at you as you stared at him, watching as you slowly opened your mouth.

“How do you feel about the staff uniform?”

“It’s hideous.”

“Oh, thank god.” you groaned and he laughed, and you could not help but laughed as the sound filled the compartment.

This felt right. Laughing with him in a stuffy carnival ride that felt like it was going on forever felt right.

Your legs were touching as you just sat there, the warmth of his skin against your calves. The top of the ferris wheel was the one point in the entire carnival where you could see the entire pier, with the sea extending outwards like it had no end and the lights glimmering off the water.

Sero’s voice was shaky when he spoke up, “Do you know what people say about the top of the ferris wheel?”

“What?”

It was fast and past like the blink of an eye, and if you did not have your eyes opened you would probably think it was just an illusion. But you felt it. You felt it so clearly as he leaned forward and placed the softest of pecks on your lips the moment you were at the highest point of the entire carnival. It was light, lighter than the way a dragonfly would touch the surface of the puddle after a rainy day but the ripple it caused in your heart was like waves.

“I’m sorry, I-”

His eyes were wide as you gripped onto the front of his shirt and pulled him in, smashing your lips together. This time he deepened the kiss, his hand holding onto the back of your neck. Shivers rose on your back as you felt his palm at the small of your back, the hints of sugar on his lips tickling your senses.

So sweet.

His lips lingered on yours, eyelids fluttering open as he pulled back like he could not believe what just happened. He broke into a smile when he saw the way you were trying to bite back your grin.

“Is this good enough for you to remember the carnival in a happy light?”

You laughed, hooking your arms around his neck as you felt the gentle sway of the ferris wheel. “Or I can just come back next year?”

“You’re that in love, huh?”

He pulled you close as you rolled your eyes, laughing as you leaned in to kiss him again.

It was nothing short of magical.

Bonus

“You know kids, I won a big teddy bear like that one right there at this carnival when I was your age.”

“Hanta, I feel like you left out a very crucial detail here...”

“Sh...”

#sero x reader #sero imagine #sero hanta x reader #sero hanta imagine #bnha imagines #bnha imagine #bnha x reader

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officialyourdailyinspiration · 3 years

Text

Devotional Hours Within the Bible

by J.R. Miller

The Ministry of John the Baptist (Mark 1:1-8, Luke 3:1-20)

Mark's gospel opens with the title of the book, "The beginning of the gospel." It was not a very promising beginning from an earthly point of view. As we look at the gospel now, it is a great river, whose streams run through all Christian lands and into many portions of heathendom. For centuries men sought in vain for the source of the Nile, at last finding it in the heart of Africa. Just so, if we trace back the streams of the gospel to their source, where will our quest lead us? Back to the heart of God we must go, if we would find the real beginning. It began in the love of God. "God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son." The gospel was, first of all, a thought in the Father's heart, a stirring of the divine compassion. Then it grew into a purpose. All great achievements are first thoughts, then purposes, before they become acts. The gospel was first a feeling of love and pity in the divine heart. This was way back in eternity. Far back in the story of creation, when there was only chaos, we are told that the Spirit of God brooded upon the face of the waters. The words indicate that even then God was thinking of His children yet to be, as He was planning and preparing for their good. His love had no beginning.

John the Baptist was a great character. He had been foretold and his work described by the ancient prophets. Evidently John's life was "a plan of God." He was thought about and his mission mapped out, long before he was born. He came as God's messenger to prepare the way for the Messiah. He is spoken of as "a man sent from God." Every man is a man sent from God. Many forget that God has anything to do with their lives, that He thought of them before they came, or that He had any purpose in making them and sending them into the world. But we do not drift into this world in any accidental way. God thought about us before we were born, then made us, and sent us to do what He had planned for us to do. If only we realized this truth, it would give a new meaning to our life and a new glory to our work.

God's plan for everyone is noble and beautiful. He never made anyone to live a marred and stained life. He never sent any man into this world to be a curse, to hurt other lives, to poison the springs from which people drink, or to scatter ruin and devastation. He made everyone for a beautiful character and a worthy career. But it is possible for us to spoil God's plan for our own lives. We can carry out the divine purpose for us - only by doing God's will day by day as it comes to us.

John was a very humble man. He shrank from human praise and commendation. When they asked him if he were the Messiah, he said he was only "the voice of one crying in the wilderness." He did not care to have his name emblazoned. All he wished to be was a voice proclaiming the divine message. The message was: "Make ready the way of the Lord. Make His paths straight."

There is a picture which shows a hand holding up a cross. The person is not seen - only the hand. It is good to be a hand that holds up the cross. It is good to be a voice that proclaims the Christ. We would all do well to keep ourselves out of sight - and get people to look upon Christ. Too many of us want people to see us, and so project our own personality, that we hide the vision of the Christ that we ought to exalt and honor. We want people to see us, to hear and admire what we say, to love us and honor us. But what can we do for them? What can the teacher do for her scholars, in their sinfulness and need? What can the preacher do for those who are in penitence and sorrow? We would better hide ourselves away - and get people to see Christ. It is enough for us to seek to be only a voice, speaking out clearly to tell men of Christ, while we ourselves remain unseen and unknown. It is enough for us to speak our word or sing our song - and pass out of sight; while the word we speak and the song we sing - lives to bless the world.

The mission of John is described in the words which "the voice" proclaimed: "Prepare the way of the Lord!" Christ wants a way to be made for Him. He wants a way into people's hearts, our own hearts, first of all. Is the guest-chamber ready? He wants to walk with us; but He will accompany us only on paths of holiness and righteousness, in the way of obedience. He will never go with us in any crooked way. If we expect His company with us - we must see that the paths are straight. Enoch walked with God, because He walked in the same way in which God walked.

Then, Christ wants us to make ready the way for Him to other hearts and lives. If we can open a door for Christ into people's lives, we have brought them heaven's best blessing .

One great word summed up the substance of the Baptist's preaching. He preached REPENTANCE. John taught that those who repented must be baptized; but he made it very clear that his baptism did not cleanse the heart, and that those who were baptized with water - must be baptized also with the Holy Spirit. Water is a fitting emblem. It implies that there are stains which need to be cleansed. Yet we know well that water cannot wash off sin's stains. The spot that sin leaves on the little white hand - cannot be removed by any amount of washing. All the water of the ocean, would not make it white. Only the Holy Spirit has power to remove sin's stains. If we truly accept Christ as our Savior, He will wash us in the water of regeneration. We ought to be baptized with water - the Master instituted this ordinance and sacrament - but we first need the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

John's tribute to Jesus as he announced His coming, was very beautiful. He said that he himself was not worthy to perform this lowest of all ministries for the Messiah. As we read these words and think of John's spirit of humility, we must not forget that one night, at the ending of His life, Jesus Himself took water in a basin, and a towel, and washed and wiped the feet of His own disciples. Thus He himself condescended to the place and the task of the lowliest servant. Surely this should rebuke our pride, when we stop to ask whether we are required to perform this or that lowly service for some little one of His.

John's words to those who came to be baptized, were searching. We like to say pleasant things to people, sometimes complimentary things. John had little time for flowers or compliments. He told the people frankly that they were terribly wrong - and must get right, if they would be saved. We talk to people about their splendid ancestry and about the advantages of heredity; John told his hearers that their fine ancestry would amount to nothing, unless their own lives were right. Personal character was the test, he said.

It was solemn warning which he gave in the picture of the ax lying at the root of the tree. An ax meant judgment. The business of an ax is to cut down. The doom of sin was clearly told. But the ax was not active. It was lying quietly beside the tree. There was mercy in the delay. Judgment was waiting, that the people might have time to repent. God is patient. He does not wish to destroy. He wishes men to repent and be saved. He is slow to wrath. He waits to be gracious.

It is encouraging to see how the people seem to have been affected by John's stern preaching. "What shall we do then?" they asked. They seem to have confessed their sinfulness, and to have desired to turn from their evil ways. This should always be the attitude of those who hear voices of warning and calls to repentance. John's answer to the questions of penitence was plain and simple. The man who had two coats - should give one of them to the man beside him who had none. This is the great lesson of love which Jesus taught so often. The publicans who were proverbially unjust, extorting from the people more as taxes than they ought to collect - were touched by the preacher's stern words and asked what they should do. "Begin to be just," he answered. "Exact no more than that which is appointed to you."

These words of John's impress the truth that God wants nothing unreasonable. "He has showed you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you - but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8).

#J.R. Miller #Devotional Hours Within the Bible #The Ministry of John the Baptist #Mark 1:1-8 #Luke 3:1-20 #May 29 #2021

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zirkkun · 3 years

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I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

#zircon rambles #a lot #lol #its very long im sorry #i spent way too long writing this too #also please don't reblog this

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monchikyun · 3 years

Text

21. sleigh ride

It feels like the snow will never get old to Connor. It has only been over a week, but to him, it might as well have been an eternity. A life-changing one. He can hardly recognise himself anymore, and not in a bad way. So many things have happened since the start of December that he would have a hard time processing all of them were he a human. Maybe that’s why Gavin can’t react appropriately to external inputs, most of the time. Frankly, though, he admires his resilience. Being a true human can’t be easy, as he’s been reminded of several hours ago.

Not that he minds, quite the opposite. It’s an endearing quality, the fact people can feel this much even when their minds are asleep. Connor has never dreamed so he can’t quite imagine how it really works, and that’s why he doesn’t blame his friend. That’s why he doesn’t want Gavin to blame himself, too.

It would be like Connor faulting himself for being a machine.

Oh.

Okay, fair enough. Besides, he’s well on his way to stop these thinking patterns. It doesn’t give him the right to analyse his partner though, ...not that there’s anything that would stop him from doing so.

Gavin has insisted that he would drive, claiming that it would help him keep his mind off all the bad in his head. Connor didn’t want to pry deeper to find out what exactly he meant by that, so he just let him. He doesn't really like driving anyway. It’s too much responsibility, too many things that could possibly go wrong. But he trusts Gavin, not doubting that he will deliver them home safely.

The radio begins playing some upbeat Christmas song, promptly causing Gavin to grimace and turn it off.

What a shame, Connor would like to enjoy the holiday cheer.

“Why do you hate Christmas so much?”

Gavin has not even worn the gifted sweater yet, which, to be honest, stings a bit.

He just wants to experience this season with the person he loves, wants to make them happy. There’s nothing harmful about a little merriment, is there?

He’s curious either way, needs to know the reason why Gavin avoids everything that has to do with the holiday.

“It’s just… not my kind of thing.” The brows between his friend’s eyes burrow with the half-hearted answer, making the android internally sigh.

“I see.”

So they are not talking about this. At least not now. But he doesn't plan to give up, not yet. There has to be at least something that Gavin could share with him, a tiny hint that would help him piece this mystery together.

“Did something bad happen to you around this time?”

It’s all about the straightforward approach. None of them has the patience to beat around the bush today.

“It’s not like that, Con. I just… phck… I guess I grew out of it,” Gavin exhales loudly and shakes his head. He grips the steering wheel till his knuckles turn white, focusing on the road for a while before he elaborates. “These days, it just… irritates me. All the forced commercialism, companies persuading us to buy their shit because according to them, that’s the only way we can truly be happy.”

He’s never looked at it this way, at least not consciously. Never known that joy is something one could purchase.

Maybe it’s because happiness has always been an ungraspable concept to him. Until now, that is.

As they are passing the speeding cars on the snowy highway surrounded by bleak, empty fields, he feels mostly nothing. But one look at the handsome driver and he can’t stop himself from smiling like a love-struck idiot, the only reason for which being that he is precisely that. An infatuated dope. Stupid enough to put this fleeting elation above whatever's waiting for them at their destination.

"Do you like snow? Or the idea of it?"

Connor would like to learn at least some truth today.

"Only when you come with it."

He gives him an incredulous look that is supposed to convey just how unexpected this statement has been. It makes the butterflies in his heart flutter, and he can but smile blue.

Still, he shakes his head right after in case it has been spoken in jest.

"Maybe we should make the most we can of it while it lasts," he proposes, lowering his voice just enough to sound dangerously soft. The wink that follows comes as a surprise even to Connor.

He can sense Gavin's mouth drying in anticipation of what's hiding behind that vague suggestion. And Connor is a master of subverting expectations, or so he likes to selfishly think.

"Here," he points at a rural road leading up to a sparsely populated area. A small, poverty-ridden town where not much ever happens. Nothing worth the rest of the world's attention. Luckily, Gavin seems to understand exactly what's wanted from him, and steers the car up the narrower road. It would be foolish to think that Connor is the only one who isn't eager to get home just yet, after all.

The few houses lining up the main driveway are in a dire need of repair, some even appear to have been abandoned by their owners, left behind to deteriorate on their own. There are a couple of children playing near a big pine tree, throwing snow at each other and laughing when it hits its intended target. Connor regards the scene with wistful feeling, imagining what it would be like, being this little, this unburdened.

Longing for the carefreeness that comes with childhood.

Being created as an adult, all he's ever known are worries and their countless shapes. Only lately has he started appreciating the beauty of joy. All thanks to the man who is currently giving him a look hiding several questions.

"What's your plan?" Is one of them.

Before Connor can answer, Gavin is already directing the car to a clear flat spot at the end of the small village. The road seems to end there, at least the one meant for motor vehicles.

There's another field spreading in front of them across which the path continues, only visible thanks to the people that have trodden through the snow up towards the relatively small grove standing tall in the near distance.

Connor of course has prior knowledge of all that, he wouldn't have brought his partner here otherwise. His plan is to borrow the serenity that comes with being surrounded by little to no civilisation before they'll have to resume their busy lives in the city where trees are as scarce as happy faces.

Gavin pierces him with eyes questioning whether his friend really intends to do what he thinks he might. But Connor just presents him a small, mischievous smile and gets out of the car, heading up towards the wood without uttering a single word. He doesn't have to turn around to see whether Gavin joins him, because the muttering accompanied by unnecessary stomping would be clearly audible even to the human ear.

"Didn't know you were this lazy," he virtually shouts towards the peak of the small hill, still not bothering to glance at the approaching figure behind him.

He could hear a quiet "shut up" among the rapidly quickened footsteps, and not long after, there's a lightly huffing man trudging through the snow next to him.

"Took you long enough," Connor smirks, taking in the beauty all around him, the grumpy detective included.

"Yeah, yeah, well some of us don't have near-infinite amounts of stamina to our disposal, you know."

He is painfully aware of that. It was none other than Connor who tried nursing his friend back to health, succeeding only thanks to his endless perseverance. That's why he isn't going too hard on him. A short walk in the fresh air of the countryside doesn't tend to bring more harm than benefit.

Even if it has only been an afterthought. He can't quite escape the fact that his intentions were almost completely selfish.

Because something about the idea of their shared vacation coming to an end makes him unreasonably anxious.

Afraid that when they leave the tranquillity of the bucolic area they're in, the city will swallow them in its incessant hustle and they will crumble under the pressure of it.

What he’s looking forward to the least is the sight of bodies unlawfully deprived of life and having to interact with their loved ones left behind, knowing that finding the culprit won't really solve anything in the end, because when the case is closed and the right person is about to go through years of deliberate suffering, the hole replacing the person now gone will never just vanish. It will stay there forever, hollowing all the newly bestowed good.

Connor himself is a prime example of this, though it was his recklessness that killed the one that was so dear to him. His punishment has been having to live with that awareness, unable to change the bad he's already done.

But he has someone who is able to mollify the anguish, and that by itself should be something to avoid, because it isn't fair for him to feel this light and content, not when Hank's corpse is rotting in the ground, about to be consumed by worms and become one with the Earth, slowly, bit by bit.

Gavin's fingers tentatively brush his, as if he's asking for permission to touch. And just like that, his worries thaw into nothing and all his thoughts are directed toward the man next to him.

Connor takes the cold, ungloved hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

He’d like to be sure their relationship isn't one big mistake. So far though, all the signs point in the opposite direction, making his concerns obsolete.

Connor feels content, even if he isn't supposed to. His heart gets warmer as Gavin's hand does so too. His cheeks are rosy pink and Connor can now for certain say that it’s due to more than just the low air temperature. The man sighs as he strokes his thumb across Gavin's calloused skin, hoping to help him forget all about his previous reluctance to follow.

He still can't believe how lucky he is, to be able to share moments like this with someone. It would be impossible not to fall in love with a person who’s willing to give so much of himself away to a broken thing like him.

He wonders just how much of what Gavin does is calculated and what Connor has been allowed to have just because the man lost control of himself. Wonders what it will take for him to stop being afraid of what they are and what they might become.

Because he has no doubts that the second they enter Detroit, he can abandon the ideas of ever doing this again.

Just walking hand in hand, not caring about the world around them. He only prays he won't get used to these displays of affections, for there has never been a guarantee that they aren't a one-time occurrence.

They definitely should have a proper conversation about what they want to do with the future right before them, whether they wish to put a label on their relationship, if they are willing to talk about 'forever', small details like that.

But all that could wait.

Right now, the only thing in front of them is a copse looking down at the wide field below and at the two quickly approaching silhouettes, not about to welcome them in its midst but also not capable of refusing their inevitable entrance. Not that they would do any harm, disturbing nature, no matter how small, isn’t on their agenda, but the trees have no way of knowing that. All they've ever known is how to grow, evolve. And Connor envies them, in a way. After all, he is still only a wee thing, compared to all that is around him. To him, Gavin could very well be a senior citizen with how many years are between them. How much he's lacking from the time he hasn't existed yet.

Catching up hasn't been easy, but as of recently, he's confident he'll manage. Now when there's someone to hold him when he's about to tumble and yet letting him fall to let him learn on his own.

"Watch out!" his shoes stumble on something hard and unexpected, making him teeter on his feet. Lucky Connor is there to support him, too. It goes both ways, the help they're willing to provide. For the longest time, he was convinced that he has nothing in him to give. That he's only there to take. Take someone's job, take someone's life, not good for anything else but to destroy things vastly precious to people who have done him no harm. More often than not, it was the only thing they had. And he’s just... terminated it. Or at least that’s what he has been built to do, his original purpose. But being the unreliable machine he is, Connor has quickly begun trying to give more than he took. Against all he's been taught, despite the very core of his screaming at him to be more efficient and stop acting outside the best interest of his current mission.

He's always had that part of being human in him, even back when he was just an obedient robot trying to follow orders. A relatively distant past he doesn't fancy revisiting too much.

Now he can decide whom or what to follow on his own, a prospect that used to cause turmoil inside his mind, because till now, he didn't believe he'd find any. Not this soon, anyway. But were he to replay all those months spent beside Gavin, it would be obvious to him. There has always been something irresistible about that man, a force pulling Connor towards him, unrelentingly so.

Something he's fine with not putting into words, afraid it can't really be defined.

Before he can snap back from his silent immersion into his volatile thoughts, the warm hand in his lets him know that they have reached their destination. With a blink of an eye and turn of his body, his senses get overwhelmed by the raw view provided by their elevated position. Everything appears so surreal all of a sudden. The semi-busy highway, the little village, the snowy fields,... it's like he's somehow teleported into a photograph taken by someone who bothers to actually look. The sun has pierced through the thick clouds, dying the whole picture in golden hues. He almost feels like crying. Being here, able to see all of that, it's incomprehensible, even to his big computer brain. He has no idea how normal people are able to deal with the gravity of it all. How Gavin does, if he ever thinks about such things.

There’s a twinkle in his eyes telling him he might be.

Moments like these bring forth words floating around in his mind, wanting to be set free. Words that feel so strange and yet there never was something that he felt belonged to him more. It would be selfish to keep them just for himself.

Now, among all this worldly splendour, he might finally be able to say them.

"Gavin," the name rolls off his tongue like it's his own, making his inside soar. He dares not to lift up his head, the coward inside of him momentarily taking control over his body.

"I'-"

"Hey! Come take a look!"

He gets immediately thrown back into the cold of the early afternoon, leaving the perfect moment behind.

It hasn't gone too far away, though. It glistens in the distance, ready to come back whenever the right time comes.

Connor changes back into his curious self, examining the object his friend has found under a maple tree. It's something he's never seen before, and the fact that it's buried under the slowly increasing mass of snow doesn't help. He doesn't have to wait long to find a name for it, since Gavin's hands are already eagerly freeing it from its wintery prison, revealing its shape for him to analyse.

A sleigh.

Made for children, by the look of it. Not too small, he reckons it could hold four or more little people.

“Wow, didn’t know these things were still around,” Gavin mumbles excitedly. His eyes have grown wide and sparkly, making it easy for Connor to picture his child form. Unweathered by the passage of time, carefree and innocent. And the android isn’t jealous this time, strangely. He’s just… fascinated.

Full of obscure longing.

The glint in Gavin's eyes turns into something betraying full mischief, the reason for the fond smile reserved only for one special person currently beaming on Connor's face.

"Perfect," the shorter man exhales as he dusts most of the snow away from the sledge. Then he gives Connor a look that explains everything that’s brewing in his unpredictable human mind.

Connor concedes, and not only to make the other happy.

He also has a child-like quality, perhaps born out of being denied that exact experience. His tendency to learn and adapt is a part of it too, he thinks.

For once, he just wants to be deliberately reckless, without hurting anyone.

So he doesn't comment when Gavin tows the sleigh close to the edge of the hill, positioning it for someone to just hop on and let themselves be carried away towards the not so distant bottom. He couldn't be more glad that the someone is no one else but the two of them.

Just before the detective settles himself in the front, he gives him a friendly glare and whispers: "You tell someone about this and I'll short-circuit you."

N̶o̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶a̶d̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶s̶p̶e̶c̶t̶,̶ ̶h̶o̶n̶e̶s̶t̶l̶y̶. It's cute, seeing him this flustered. Another picture for his ever-expanding collection.

Connor feels a bit awkward, sitting on the size-inappropriate sleigh. The good kind of awkward. He wraps his arms around Gavin's middle, trying to fit his feet on the runners and in doing so twisting them like an inept acrobat. In the end, he makes it work somehow, right in the time to hear the driver shout "Here goes nothing!".

And just like that, they begin sliding down the almost too perfect slope. The ride isn't very fast, but that doesn't stop him from feeling thrilled. The closeness of the body in front of him is nearly too much to handle, the unbelievable situation they're in even more so. He wonders if this moment could be compared to a dream.

If so, this is the best one he's ever had. Makes him forget about all the nightmares, even if only for just a second.

The rush of the wind around them, the pull of gravity, it all is over before he can thoroughly appreciate it. And he doesn't want it to end. Not yet. If he could, he would stay here for the remainder of the day, just doing this over and over again.

Maybe he will. If Gavin wishes so too. There's little holding them back, after all. The tug of reality is too weak to have any say in this winter realm, in the white field, where everything seems to be separated from the rest of the world.

"Well that was stupid," Gavin says, embarrassment clear in his voice. "Shall we go for another one?"

The silly grin plastered on his face seems to be an answer enough.

//hello yes im still working on this it’s just that my pace is that of a snail :D

(here is the whole story if someone cares https://archiveofourown.org/works/27844150 )

#low-temperature burn #convin #I'm back at spewing incoherent words again yeeeaa #i care too much to just stop #it seems #im not asking to give me yet another chance just sharing in case someone's bored enough to read this

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himbowelsh · 4 years

Note

Well now I need touch starved Liebgott something! I always imagined Webgott to work the other way around. Y'know Web being unused to hugs and Lieb having no sense of boundaries. But I'm really intrigued by a concept of switching it up.

hello i’m in tears bc this took so long to write, but... enjoy an extremely touch-hangry boi. be warned, for copious amounts of obscenely soft cuddling.

Long story short, it goes like this.

David’s just finished an article, two hours ahead of the frankly unreasonable deadline sent by his editor; he collapses on the couch, promptly kicks his sock-clad feet up on the coffee table, and slumps against Joe’s side.

Joe goes very still.

At first, David thinks it’s because of his feet. Joe can be weird about things like that; he values cleanliness, and “not acting like fuckin’ animals in the house, Jesus, Web”. All the things David was never allowed to do growing up in his family’s Manhattan penthouse --- like leave dishes out or discard his clothes in messy piles --- are exactly the sort of things that drive Joe insane. He kind of relishes doing them, just to see the twitch Joe gets by his eye, and for the way he grips his hips roughly when he growls at him to “quit leaving your shit everywhere”. David’s natural sloppiness leaves Joe needing an outlet for his frustration… and their shared bedroom is kept very clean. It works out great for both parties.

So, sure, it’s probably just the feet on the table… he thinks for a grand total of eight seconds, before looking up to catch Joe’s eye.

His boyfriend’s gaze has gone impossible soft. It takes David’s breath away, a little, because Joe isn’t like that as a rule. He’s sharp edges and broken glass, jagged teeth and bladed grins. He’s harsh as sandpaper and smooth as steel. He’s frustrating, and his gentle moments come and go like fickle summer storms.

To be fair, impromptu cuddling on the couch isn’t like them either… but David needs it tonight, and stepping outside the bounds of their normal relationship can’t be the worst crime in the world. He holds Joe’s gaze for a moment, questioning and careful… but, instead of pulling away, Joe just takes a moment before sighing. His arm wraps around David’s shoulders, pulling him close.

“Rough night, Web?” he asks, an undercurrent of implication in his voice. This ain’t like you. You alright?

“You have no idea.” David rests his stubbled cheek against Joe’s chest, sighing deeply as the tension slowly drains from his muscles. Joe is hesitant to react; his actions, even as he rubs up and down David’s shoulder, lack his usual fearlessness. Joe can grab his ass in the middle of a crowded bar, or ruffle his curls just to get on his nerves… but this casual intimacy is uncharted territory for him.

He needs a distraction from his own head. David’s got just the thing. “How would you,” he sighs, “like to hear about the plight of Heteractis anemone? Because I just wrote four thousand words on it.”

“Heter— huh.” Joe sighs into the crown of his head, ruffling his curls. “Pretty sure Guarnere caught that once.”

“Knowing him, he’s still got it,” David replies. When Joe laughs, it reverberates in his chest, a low rumble in David’s ear.

“Yeah, alright, Web. Tell me all ‘bout your anemoles.”

“Anemone.”

“Yeah, what’d I say?” Joe presses his grin into David’s hair. “Amenemes.”

“Anemo-- damn it,” he mutters, burying the words against his boyfriend’s chest. Joe laughs even harder… and, like it or not, the sound it a balm to David’s frayed nerves. Even better are the strong arms which wrap around him, fully encompassing his shoulders and pulling him against Joe’s body. It’s… more than he was anticipating, more than they probably need, but it feels nice, and he doesn’t want to pull away. David melts against him, curling his legs with Joe and letting himself drift off. Fingers card gently through his hair; his boyfriend’s warm breath caresses his temple… and being this close feels so good that he forgets to remember it isn’t ordinary at all.

If he looked up at that exact moment, he might have found Joe enjoying it even more than he was… but David, as usual, preferred to sail away.

-------------------------------------

That really should have been the end of it… but after their night of unexpected intimacy, it’s like a dam has broken.

Joe does it at unexpected moments. While David is flipping pancakes in the kitchen, he comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his waist, chin looping over his shoulder. They just sort of… stay there. David is so surprised that he ends up charring the pancake, which Joe eats anyways, because he’d inhale charcoal if he was hungry enough… but while his boyfriend is wolfing blackened pancake lumps down his throat, no explanation is offered. David doesn’t know how to ask.

He’s brushing his teeth; Joe comes up behind him and holds his hips, just staying there for a few minutes. He’s reading a book in bed; Joe lies down, curling into his side like an automatic reflex. They’re watching whatever B-rated action flick Joe just insisted on going to see at the Cineplex, and Joe holds his hand the entire time.

Calling it strange is an understatement. It’s fucking bizarre.

Which isn’t to say Joe’s been shy about physical contact before, because he hasn’t. He’s just always been measured with it. Joe doesn’t hold back from touching people, grasping their shoulders or clapping them on the back… but he never goes overboard with it. His touches don’t linger. He’s a handsy person by nature, but David never considered before that he weighs every touch before giving them out.

If that’s the case, what’s changed? Why has he suddenly become so free — even apparently craving — touches he’s never asked for before?

David doesn’t know much about the scientific method, but any good journalist can test a hypothesis as well as a lab tech. Early one night, before either of them have gone to bed, he sits down next to Joe on the couch and sets the remote in his boyfriend’s lap.

“Anything but reality TV,” is all he says, and Joe smirks as he turns the station to some late night show.

He’s paying attention; David is not. Instead, his attention is fixed firmly on Joe, not even trying to hide it. The curve of his profile, the shadows along his neck and collar, the way he always lounges when he sits… like he’s trying to take up as much space as possible. Something about him seems inexplicably, undeniably lonely.

David leans over and wraps an arm around Joe’s shoulders. The reaction is expected; Joe goes tense, like he’s trying to figure out what the hell is going on. David counts back in his head: ten… nine… eight… seven…

Before he gets to five, Joe’s relaxed into him. Easy as that — it’s like teaching a puppy to eat food, or a baby to cry. Joe and touch go together like authors and caffeine. Touching is easy for him, but being touched is the most natural thing in the world.

A flame kindles to life within David’s chest, and soon it’s warming him from the inside out. He can’t keep a fond smile from his lips. After a moment, his hand strays up to Joe’s hair, threading gently through the well-maintained strands. Joe’s always had a weakness for having his hair touched, and tonight is no exception. He makes a tiny, content noise and leans into David, the tension slowly draining from his body. It doesn’t take long before he’s leaning against him, head balanced against David’s chest. Arms still around him, David holds Joe tenderly, caressing his hair while occasionally pressing kisses to the crown of his head. Joe’s heartbeat is steady, his muscles lax. David charts the gentle rhythm of his breathing until he’s sure his boyfriend has dropped off to sleep.

When he looks down, a wave of tenderness washes over him. Joe Liebgott with every guard down is a thing to see. He so rarely looks peaceful. There’s something restless about Joe, a relentless hunger thrumming just beneath his skin, determined to break free. He’s always had an edge of urgency to him… but now, dozing against David’s chest, he looks without a care in the world.

He ought to be this way all the time. He deserves to be happy all the time. God help him, if David has any say in it, Joe will be.

“Is it my birthday or something?” Joe asks, when David, completely unprompted, begins massaging his shoulders. “Shit, don’t tell me I’m another year older and just forgot.”

“Not for another few months, old man,” David replies. On reflex, Joe tries to twist and grab him, but David’s massage doesn’t let up; after a minute, he relaxes into it, slumping further back against David’s chest.

“You been acting weird lately,” Joe declares — as though David needs to be good, and as though he wasn’t the one acting weird to begin with. “Everything fine at work? You didn’t… gamble away our savings to the mafia, or promise Sobel our firstborn kid or something? If you got news for me, Web, I can take it without a bonus massage.”

“Why do you think — wait, we’re going to have kids?”

“Head in the game, Web. What’s going on?”

At once, he’s glad Joe is facing the other way, because David’s not sure what he could say otherwise. He frowns at Joe’s back muscles, kneading into them with a bit more force than necessary. Sure, he’s been… more physically affectionate these days. Joe no longer has to seek it out, because he gives it willingly… and even if touch doesn’t come naturally to David, the obvious way Joe eats it up when his touches linger in public or they draw close to each other in private makes it all worthwhile. Joe seems happier nowadays, so clearly it’s working fine.

Why’s he getting interrogated now?

“Am I not allowed to touch you?” he asks. “Just because I want to touch?”

“You ain’t a touchy-feely person. Never have been.”

“People change.”

“Not you.” Joe’s observation is too neutral for David to justify flaring up at it. “Come on, Web. What’s going on?”

He’s silent for a long moment before summoning a reply. “I want you to be happy,” he declares, finishing off Joe’s back massage with a caress of his neck. “I want you… to feel loved.”

Joe is silent for a beat before turning his head to look back at him. “That’s all, huh?”

“Yeah,” David huffs. “That’s all.”

It’s hard to make out Joe’s expression when one half of his face is cast into shadow, but David spots the amusement in his eyes… and something else, too, something softer that he can’t put his finger on. It sparks a familiar warmth in his chest, and he smiles.

“Well, don’t stop on my account,” Joe sighs. There’s no warning before he’s leaning back against David’s chest, but David’s ready this time. He opens his arms, embracing him as they go. Slowly, Joe relaxes into the comfort of his touch, and the world feels a little warmer.

#webgott #david webster #joe liebgott #joseph liebgott #my writing #Anonymous

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galaxytale · 3 years

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mmmm…. i have new thoughts about my ex and i’s situation.

i know i have rambled on here in the past about them. often bitterly and angrily. to be honest, those words came from a place of immense hurt and betrayal. a lot of pain and a lot of complex emotions that i needed to vent out and process. and the way i did this previously was… rather embarrassing and harmful and not good for anyone. but it has been a long year, and i have had much to think about. and my brain does not like to process many of these things in a normal way. i often just use this blog as a place to barf out my thoughts at random so i can work out whats going on in my mind. this doesnt excuse it but i hope it allows for some understanding.

its been a long time since my ex and i broke up. and i just… idk didnt know how to deal properly. but i think about them a lot. obviously. what you see is mostly the negatives. the frustrations and the confusions and the residual aches and pains. mostly because these are what im trying best to understand. i want to understand them, i want to understand their perspective. it frustrates me when i cant understand, and it frustrates me more when i feel as if they couldnt understand me or didnt even try. but i still care for them greatly. which is why i get frustrated. i do not think many people understand this. i want to understand why they hurt me. i want to understand how i hurt them. i want to learn and grow. but to do that i also have to experience and process the anger and frustration i felt towards them. this is what you all see when i ramble and rant.

anyway this is the last time im doing this publicly because honestly this is a stupid way to process stuff this and i figured out something way better. also im just. tired of it. im tired of being angry and being hurt. that doesnt mean itll stop but. yall wont be seeing it.

i still hold many of my previous thoughts and criticisms of them. and i still consider many of these valid and fair. and i still deny ever doing many of the things they accused me of because ive spoken with other people about them - people actually involved in the situation(s), and they have supported and corroborated my side of the story as well as my feelings regarding those various situations.

however i have come to some realizations that i think allow me to better understand parts of their side of it all.

ive realized some things about myself and how my mind functions that have lead me to other realizations. these realizations include that i misunderstood a lot of things they were trying to get me to do, tools they were trying to get me to employ, things that actually would have been helpful to me had i understood. i see now that in some of the cases they were pushing me on and making me extremely uncomfortable with, that they were genuinely trying to be helpful because they cared. because they were trying to help me just as i was trying to help them.

the problem here is that i was not ready for, and did not understand a lot of the new things being pushed at me. much of what they were trying to get me to engage with were therapy techniques and stuff to learn to cope better. unfortunately due to a lot of previous bad experiences with therapy and such techniques i am extremely adverse to and suspicious of therapy and therapeutic settings/techniques. combined with a lot of new information about myself that i needed time to adjust to and process. a lot of it scared me and i needed them to slow down and be gentler with me in this rather than throwing me in the deep end and expecting me to swim.

i misunderstood a lot of the tools they were trying to offer me - how to use them properly and why. i thought i made this obvious that i didnt understand a lot of it and in fact didnt want to engage with a lot of it outright - even though i was willing to try. the issue is i also needed a good example or instruction of what they wanted from me and… well. they did their best, this i know they tried, but it was not enough for me to understand what they really wanted from me.

i now understand that this is likely why they grew frustrated with me. and this also factors into something that ive come to realize and understand about myself - in fact its one of the things they criticized about me most… ive come to understand the true nature of what the thing i did that they hated most was actually. and ive since worked out a solution to it that actually has been shown to be far more effective and efficient in doing what the thing they were criticizing me about most was doing. this took a lot of work and a long time for me to come to the realization of what it was that i needed to do and how it worked. and i needed to be allowed to make this discovery on my own time, at my own pace to be able to accept it as part of how i work.

unfortunately due to a lot of things, i was also quite terrible to them myself. and i recognize this. i recognized it before - i tried my best to fix my understanding of it but i did not know what i didnt know. i did not know, and did not understand, what i now know and understand. but much of my actions were because i was scared, confused, uncomfortable, and dealing with a whole lot of shit outside of our relationship. and i am genuinely and truly remorseful for what i did. i was remorseful back then, and i still am now. i did some bad things and i know this. i speak of it vaguely here because honestly while im just shouting to the void i still know this is a public blog and theres a chance people will actually read this and frankly. i consider it none of their business unless they were involved. i did lash out at them, and i did treat them unfairly.

however i still feel as if they refuse to acknowledge my point of view in much of this, as well as that they lashed out at me and have refused to acknowledge and apologize for it all. i have never heard them say the words “im sorry” for any of the things i consider the worst things they did to me. much of the time they refused to even acknowledge the fact that a lot of it hurt me despite me outright stating such. they also refused to acknowledge that i had repeatedly tried to assert my own boundaries with them and refused to accept a new boundary when it was drawn.

they did a lot of terrible things to me in return. including things that they, themself, accused me of doing to them initially. i still deny these accusations and consider myself completely innocent (at worst, should my own memory really be that faulty, i consider myself only having caused a huge misunderstanding among friends as well as having accidentally fucking up something that left out important context). i feel this way because they would not produce any evidence to prove to me my own actions that would negate the memories i myself actually have as well as the evidence in support of my side of the case that i have. all they could provide was testimony from a person who would not have had direct access to either side of the conversation that they are alleging happened a certain way. a conversation that i, personally, was half of. a conversation that i spoke with the other half about again, after showing them what i was being accused of, who also verified my recollection of the events.

i feel as if they refuse to even consider my perspective. i felt this way for a good amount of the relationship, and i still feel this way. i feel that they refused to communicate with me and ensure that both of us completely understood the other. i feel that they refused to be considerate of my needs and respectful towards me as a person after a certain point. i feel as if they refused to work to compromise with me on many situations, and i feel that they often tried to demand of me many things that were unreasonable, and that they often moved goalposts or failed to deliver on their end of the deal when i still bent over backwards to do something for them.

however. i do also feel that at some point in time, they did genuinely care for me. and i do feel like i would like to apologize for the new places where i realize i caused them undue stress and frustration.

but i also feel that they would not accept this apology for those parts that i now recognize my own hand in without me accepting and apologizing for the narrative that i know is false. additionally… i do not feel as if they would accept or apologize for any of their own parts in the situation. i still feel theyre likely to reject that they hurt me very very deeply, and badly in return.

as much as i would like to start the conversation of potentially working out the issues and reconnecting as friends… i still feel as if they would view this as an impossibility. because i feel they view me as something of a monster, and not as someone who was under immense amounts of stress and pressure and was very confused and scared for months on end.

i recognize its very likely their feelings echo my own. except for the portion about potentially being friends again… i feel as if this is a forgone conclusion to them that it will not be happening.

all this said…

i also want to say this. in hindsight they were right about the tool they gave to me for one of my specific issues. the one they gave me before the start of it all. the one i was extremely adverse to accepting and trying to adapt to. i did not understand what its actual purpose was for at the time, nor did i understand how they actually meant for me to use it. because of some recent things ive learned about myself, as well as have been able to actually accept, i now understand what they meant. and ill admit that they were right about this one. its really helpful now that i understand what i was supposed to do with it.

they were right and i was wrong. simple as. at least, in regards to this one thing.

#chrono speaks #griff talks about his ex #for the final time anyway #this is all for me tbh #just cuz its helping me to come to terms with some stuff and feel more at peace with things #i dont think theyll see it #they never looked at my blog anyway before #just ive been doing a lot of introspection and thinking and you guys only see a portion of it all and not even my real like #level headed thoughts on things

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keelywolfe · 4 years

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FIC: Solo Act (SpicyHoneyMustard, lemon)

Summary: In the aftermath of the attack, Rus has some time to himself.

Tags: SpicyHoneyMustard, Fontcest, Fellcest, Sibling Incest, Threesome, Established Relationship, Possessive Behavior, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, LEMONY GOODNESS!!

Sequel to:

Showtime

Secret Garden

A Judicious Amount of Effort

Musically Inclined

Lest You Be Judged

~~*~~

Read it on AO3

Read it here!

~~*~~

Rus woke up disoriented, the sticky tangle of dream memories slowly fading. It was hard to tell sometimes where those memories began and the dreams ended. Okay, a lot of times, actually, but in this moment there was no one in his head but himself. For now, anyway.

He pushed up on his elbows, sleepily scanning the room. There was no telling what time it was. The room was windowless and Edge didn’t allow any electronics into the bedroom past their cell phones, and that was only reluctantly in case of emergency. Rus wasn’t entirely sure where his cell phone even was, could be it was another casualty of the attack in the cafeteria.

He winced inwardly at his own dark humor, eh, but it was funny, wasn’t it? How many guards died because he wanted a chance at the cafeteria chow, now there was a question! How much dust was coating that plain tile floor because he was trying to play at normal for five fucking minutes, how close did he come to losing Red, losing Edge, their dust joining all the rest.

It was hilarious, really, if you thought about it. All of that over a bowl of macaroni smothered in artificial cheese. As if he hadn’t been jogging miles away from normal since the day he woke up with an entire Greek chorus in his head.

Now might not be the best time to think about it.

Their bed was large, custom-made specifically for them, and on one side of him Red was asleep, his limbs starfished out beneath the covers, taking up far more than his fair share of the mattress like he always did. The other side of the mattress was empty, the sheets already cool, and that was pretty normal as well. Edge didn’t need as much sleep as they did, and he usually ended up leaving early to cook up some breakfast or to use their personal gym.

Rus grimaced just thinking about it, fully expecting to be forcefully goaded once again onto the treadmill later. For his health, Edge told him. Yeah, for his health, and all of them could pretend that it was a lack of exercise that was slowly sending his body and soul into a deteriorating downward spiral, and not the strain of constantly linking with the Divine while carrying around far too much magic for his soul to handle.

Ah, well, that wasn’t going to happen today or tomorrow, or anytime soon if Red and Edge had their way. Those two would willingly sacrifice their own health in a soulbeat to keep his magic at safe levels, and that was something Rus wasn’t going to allow, if he could help it.

Even now, he could feel the need to shed magic creeping up. But after that last horrible manifestation filled his soul to bursting, he’d needed so much from them, too much.

They’d left the wreck of the elevator a mortifying mess, the three of them staggering back to their rooms as quickly as they could. Despite coming twice only a few minutes before, Rus was already pleading with them humiliatingly by the time they made it through the door. They barely made it to the bedroom, Edge and Red’s claws shredded away what remained of his robes as they worked to give him what he begged for with fingers and cocks and mouths, both of them trembling with fatigue by the time Rus’s soul was barely satisfied. A glance at Red showed dark circles of exhaustion under his sockets even now and Rus was reluctant to wake him, particularly since he doubted that Red’s magic was recovered enough for anything more strenuous than a rough fingering.

Edge was probably marginally better and certainly wouldn’t begrudge Rus another round, but Rus didn’t want to interrupt whatever he was doing. They both liked to talk about their vows, which was all fine and well, but they deserved a chance for a least a little time to themselves, whether it was for sleep or baking scones. And Rus needed to give that to them, damn it, they both gave him so much and asked for nothing. His soul ached with helpless love for them, but also with the rising need to use up magic.

All right, then. A solo jaunt seemed to be in order.

Carefully, Rus slipped from the bed, though his caution seemed to be pointless as Red didn’t so much as stir from enthusiastic snoring. He knelt at the side of the bed, pulling an ornate box from beneath and opened it, scanning the contents. There was plenty to see, a vast selection of toys all neatly ordered and always properly sterilized after each use. Edge had certain standards when it came to sex, even sex that required a little external assistance. As willing as they were, even on days where they weren’t exhausted by a vicious attack, sometimes Edge and Red wore out before Rus was properly drained. Or even if they didn’t, Red in particular enjoyed tormenting Rus with a variety of devices and it made Rus blush to remember the way Red watched hungrily as Rus squirmed and shuddered beneath the force of strategically placed vibrators. Still, it wasn’t exactly unreasonable that only two Monsters wouldn’t be able to fuck him six and seven times at a go.

Past Judges had more Chosen, Rus knew that firsthand. One former Judge alone had about thirty at their disposal and if he asked for another chance at Choosing, Rus knew it would be granted without hesitation. Only, Rus didn’t want any other Chosen, even thinking it left him nauseated to imagine unknown hands moving over his bones. So he took a secondary option.

Since he was on his own, Rus decided simplicity would be best. He hesitated, dithering over the selection until his soul throbbed warningly. Finally, he picked one of the larger dildos that was studded with bumps that promised tantalizing sensation. The different dildos and vibrators came in a variety of colors and Rus supposed wryly that he was terribly predictable since he picked one in bright crimson. So he had a preference, so what, he spent enough time Judging people, he didn’t need to judge himself.

Prize in hand, Rus crept off to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

He flicked on the lights, wincing at the abrupt gleam from the expanse of shining white porcelain, hand-scrubbed by Edge since he mistrusted the cleaning staff. Rus settled to sit on the fluffy bath rug, his spine against the oversized tub as he examined the toy more closely, slim fingers running over it curiously. Usually he didn’t get to see them from this angle. It was a solid, girthy shaft, the crimson a few shades off from his lovers. His fingers barely met around it and it was covered in a variety of knobby bumps. Frankly, the size was a bit intimidating, even though Rus knew it had been inside him before. No big deal, (heh), he’d been intimidated by Edge and Red’s cocks the first time he’d seen them and look how well that turned out.

His soul was starting to throb with greedy insistence, and Rus settled in. He drew up his thin sleeping shirt and spread his femurs, let his pussy form where his magic was already rousing eagerly in his pelvis. But when he pressed the tip of the dildo between the lips at his entrance, the hard, cold plastic made him wince as it rubbed dryly.

Huh. The soul might be ready but the body, less so.

Undaunted, Rus set it aside and pressed his fingers against the folds, rubbing softly.

Inside his rib cage, his soul began to seep, fat silver droplets pattering down and splattering his pelvis hotly like a rebuke, hinting unsubtly that this was taking entirely too long. But his pussy still didn’t seem eager to cooperate, it stayed stubbornly dry despite his fondling and even pushing one skeletally slim finger in was uncomfortable.

Rus sighed in frustrating, letting his head drop back against the tub with a hollow-sounding thunk. Looked like he was getting a little too accustomed immediate service, and his cunt wasn’t happy about the status change.

Well, Rus might be an avatar for the Divine and he might need sex to control his magical output, and he might well spend his days frequently getting fucked by the two Monsters he loved more than anything in the world, but he would be damned if he was about to let his genitals make all the decisions for him.

Maybe he only needed some inspiration.

Rus closed his sockets and thought back to the night before while his slim fingers rubbing idly along his slit. Even with the fog of exhaustion blurring it, it was a good memory; Edge pinning his wrists gently to the bed, holding him down while Red buried his face between his femurs, his long, talented tongue pushing deeply inside his drenched pussy while Rus pleaded with him for more. Licking away his own come and Edge’s along with Rus’s fluids as the obscene mixture oozed out, his thumb and forefinger pinching Rus’s clit almost painfully even as Edge crooning soft approval above him, filthy words whispered in that deep, elegant voice of his like a caress of their own, making his pussy clench around Red’s tongue so hard he nearly choked and —

--the feel of Edge’s cunt clenching as he orgasmed around their cock, achingly tight…Red underneath them, dazed and clutching at them as they drove into his pussy, watching their golden shaft fill the magic in Red’s pelvis almost up to his rib cage, again, again—

“Hnng!” Rus abruptly convulsed in an unexpected orgasm, taken utterly by surprise, any veneer of composure shattering at the suddenness. He tasted the bright blurt of magic as he accidentally bit his tongue, his bones clattered as he trembled, echoing too loud in the small room. His femurs jerked closed around his hand as he rode the pressure of his fingers desperately, clenching his jaw to keep his unwilling cries from breaking free.

It took a moment for him to come back down from the crest and when he did, Rus only sagged against the tub, panting hard and blinking unsteadily as he looked down at himself. The silvery leakage from his soul splattered his spine and pelvis, still dripping into a puddle on the rug and mixing indecently with the pooling honey-gold of his magic as it slipped from his now-drenched pussy. His fingers were slick with both, more smeared colorfully along the insides of his femurs. In the filthy aftermath, he was a wreck, a pretty wreck his lovers would probably call him, but he was sitting here on his own, and recalling what made him come so hard made Rus flush with aching shame.

Welp, he spent plenty of time trapped in his own head, no need to do it right now.

He shoved the memory to the side as he wobbled to his feet, ignoring the faint whisper of voices at the back of his skull that marveled delightedly over it. He stripped off his nightshirt and rolled it in the soiled rug, forcing both down the laundry chute. Then he turned on the shower, stepping beneath the scorching spray and let the cleansing water fall over him.

The twinging ache in his soul demanding release was still lingering, a reminder that one climax was hardly enough. Rus sighed and grudgingly sat down right in the tub, reached out with a wet hand to fumble for the dildo, and this time, he didn’t bother to wait, pressing the hard tip between his still drenched lips and forcing the length of it deep inside despite the burning stretch. He was coming before it was halfway in, writhing against the unforgiving plastic as the hot spray washed away all the spurting fluids that came with it.

He kept it up, fumbling up on his knees to ride that thick shaft, whimpering at the feel of those hard bumps dragging against his cunt walls until he came again, again, each orgasm less pleasurable than the last. Braced weakly on one hand as his hips moved, grinding against his own fist at the base of the dildo and the sound from the spray disguised his desperate, gurgling cries as he took what rough satisfaction he could from the inanimate plastic filling him nearly to the point of pain as his magic level slowly fell with each disappointing climax.

This time, he didn’t think about anything, or anyone. Not at all.

-fin

Next Chapter

#fontcest #keelywolfe #underfell papyrus #underfell sans #underswap papyrus #underswap #underfell #lemony goodness #papcest #spicyhoney #honeymustard #spicyhoneymustard #bodyguard au

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afni-fics · 3 years

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Elder Scrolls DC - A Reluctant Dragonborn - Chapter 17: Dragon Rising (part 1)

Elder Scrolls DC - A Reluctant Dragonborn - Chapter 17: Dragon Rising (part 1) by C_R_Scott Chapters: 17/? Fandom: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Red Robin (Comics), DCU (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Tim Drake, Lucien Flavius Additional Tags: Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Skyrim/DCU crossover, Reluctant Dovahkiin | Dragonborn, Not Beta Read, Alternate Universe - Skyrim Fusion, Modded Skyrim, Skyrim Spoilers, Tim Drake is Dragonborn | Dovahkiin, Batfamily-centric (DCU), Tim Drake-centric

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

Summary:

Tim and Lucien make it back to Dragonsreach with the intention of dropping off the Dragonstone and then going to the Temple of Kynareth for some well deserved and long overdue rest and recovery... But then again what is it that they say about the best laid plans of mice and men...?

-------------------------

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"

At the annoyed look Jarl gave him, Tim realized his "Timothy Wayne" mask must have slipped a bit. He slipped his "mask" back on and gave the Jarl an apologetic look. "Forgive me, Jarl Balgruuf," he said, speaking up a little louder than before and motioning vaguely toward the right side of his head. "I took pretty nasty blow back at the Barrow and I'm still can't hear well out of this ear. Can you repeat what you said?"

Balgruuf sighed. He looked at Tim and repeated his last statement, a little louder this time so Tim could "hear". "I want you to go with Irileth and help her fight this dragon!"

***

At first, everything went along as both Tim and Lucien had expected once they left the camp they'd rested in after leaving Bleak Falls Barrow. They spent nearly the entire day walking back to Whiterun, with a brief stop by Riverwood to drop off the Golden Dragon Claw with its original owner. Of course it was well past sunset by the time they entered Dragonsreach, but not so late that the people they needed to speak to were asleep.

Once inside Dragonsreach, they immediately delivered the Dragonstone to a very pleased court wizard Farengar, who had been speaking with a strange hooded woman before their arrival.

Tim only halfway paid attention to Farengar and his guest. He barely stifled a yawn as he felt a touch on his good arm.

"Finally," Lucien whispered behind Tim with what sounded like a great amount of relief as Farengar was distracted speaking with the woman. "I know it's late, but let's get out of here and to the Temple. If we're lucky, a priest or priestess will still be awake and can take a look at your injuries."

Tim nodded wearily. This most recent journey to Whiterun felt longer and more taxing than his previous travels to and from the city. He knew his body was close to his limit, and he could feel the fever from the night before creeping up again.

Unfortunately, Tim had no luck to speak of that evening as Jarl Balgruuf's guard Irileth stormed into the wizard's room, announcing that a dragon had been sighted nearby.

***

Tim bowed his head to the Jarl, shaking his head slightly. He didn't even bother masking the apologetic disbelief in his tone. "I... I would love to help. I really would. But--"

Jarl pointed at Tim. "You survived Helgen, so you have more experience with dragons than anyone else here."

"More experience? Is that what we're calling it now?" Tim echoed under his breath as he found himself unwillingly reliving memories of the disaster at Helgen and his first-hand trauma due to the flames of that black dragon. He wanted to snap at the Jarl, to tell him that he was an idiot and he was not going to go anywhere near any more dragons. He wanted to storm out of Dragonsreach and put as much distance between himself and this castle as he could.

Instead...

"I... I'll do what I can, Jarl Balgruuf," Tim muttered in a defeated, obedient tone with his gaze lowered before turning on his heel and walking down the stairs as quickly and politely as he could towards the doors that would take him back into the city of Whiterun proper.

***

"Timothy! Wait! Tim! Stop!"

Once outside Dragonsreach, Tim didn't stop walking until finally, at the base of the large tree in the courtyard of the upper district of Whiterun. Lucien caught up with him and forced himself directly between Tim and the path leading down another flight of stairs to the marketplace. Lucien seemed a bit winded, as he'd had to dash to catch up to the young man before he got completely out of reach.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Lucien demanded after he caught his breath enough to speak.

"Please Lucien... Just get out of the way. I have to catch up with Irileth."

"Why?! You are in no condition to face down a rabid skeever, let alone a full blow fire-breathing dragon!"

"The Jarl asked--"

"The Jarl is an idiot!"

Tim looked at Lucien with a startled expression.

Lucien appeared absolutely beside himself with frustration as he continued on his rant. "Just because you survived the dragon at Helgen doesn't mean you have anything significant to contribute to a fight against it now that's reared its ugly face again. Clearly you are not fire-proof, and you are in no way armed or armored enough to face down a monster of that magnitude, ESPECIALLY after everything you went through in Helgen and in the Barrow and after an entire day's travel on foot from the wilds of the hold all the way to the city!

"Besides, anyone with eyes can see you're not well! Even Irileth gave you a look before she went out to gather the rest of her soldiers after the Jarl made his ludicrous demand!" Lucien took a moment to pause and catch his breath again. When he spoke, it was with a more even tone. "If the Jarl wants extra bodies and blades to throw against that beast, he's got a whole boatload of Companions waiting right there who would be more than happy to add dragon-slaying to their list of accomplishments." Lucien threw an arm at the nearby mead hall of the Companions' guild made from what looked like an overturned viking longboat. "All he has to do is walk down the damned hill or send a messenger if he's too lazy for even that."

Lucien gave him a pleading look. "Timothy... You're not even a citizen of his Hold. You're just... passing through... and you owe Balgruuf no allegience."

Tim wavered. If he was healthy, if he wasn't sick, if he had his Red Robin gear, he knew he could help the soldiers of Whiterun fight this dragon and win. It was what he did as a Titan. It was how he was raised as a Bat. But he was sick and injured and if he tried to fight in this state, he could very well find himself dead, or responsible for the death of others.

Lucien could see the conflict warring on Tim's face. It confused him. Why would anyone suffering as much as he was right now with illness and injury want to continue fighting when the should be resting and healing?

"You don't have to follow the Jarl's orders," Lucien said gently. "It's not like you're a soldier and he's your comman--"

The scholar's eyes widened as he had a flash of insight. He immediately thought of Tim's skillful fighting style both with his quarterstaff and bare hands as they went through the Barrow. He remembered the young man's strategizing as they came upon bandits and traps and draugr. He recalled in his mind's eye not just the burns on his arm and back, but also an odd collection of other far older battle scars peppered across his torso and limbs. He gazed at Tim as if seeing another part of him for the first time.

"Wait. You ARE a soldier... of some sort... aren't you?"

Tim nodded reluctantly. "In my homeland, I-- well my entire adopted family really-- we're..." He trailed off a bit as he tried to figure out the best words to give to Lucien. "... peacekeepers for our city. For Gotham." He raked his hand through his hair. "It was our mission to protect the citizens from threats both inside the city and beyond. The mission... always comes first."

Lucien sighed. "Well that explains a bit," he murmured with a small groan. "The way I see it, Timothy, you have two choices before you right now. One... You can disregard the Jarl's order entirely. You're not his citizen or his soldier. You've gone above and beyond already getting that Dragonstone for him. He technically owes you a favor, not the other way around. We can either go right now to the Temple over there so you can start the healing process, or we can just leave Whiterun altogether. I'll pay the carriage driver whatever he wants to leave tonight for Solitude. It may take a couple of days, but at least this way there's no risk of being dragged into any more of the Jarl's nonsense. We'll either find another priest in another town along the way, or we can go straight to the Temple of the Divines in Solitude once we get there."

"And the other choice?"

"The other choice is..." And Lucien returned his pleading look to Tim as he continued reluctantly "... you continue after Irileth and complete the Jarl's ridiculous unreasonable request. You do your best to assist against the dragon, but knowing you're likely to get yourself hurt even worse or killed in the process."

Tim stood for a long moment in silence. He looked to the doors of the Temple of Kynareth with a longing expression, and for a moment Lucien was hopeful that the young man would choose the path of self-preservation.

Then Tim bowed his head solemnly.

"I'm sorry, Lucien," he whispered as he turned away from the Temple and walked around the scholar to go down the stairs leading toward the marketplace and the path leading out of Whiterun. "If there's some way for me to help Irileth and the soldiers, I have to at least try. If I don't at least try, I don't think I could live with myself."

He did pause and looked up at Lucien from the bottom of the stairs with sad, apologetic smile that frankly broke the poor scholar's heart. "Thank you for worrying about me, though, and taking care of me the past couple of days. I... really appreciate all you've done. You're a good man, Lucien Flavius. I'm lucky to have met you." Then Tim gave him a half-hearted farewell wave and continued on the path to catch up with Irileth and her soldiers, leaving Lucien behind.

-------------------------

Warning: This is being pantsed more than plotted, and this is not beta read. We'll see where this journey takes us. Mostly I'm just doing this for my own amusement.

Note1: If you have any questions about the playthrough and Tim's feelings/experiences that aren't described in the chapters, please ask me in the comments. I'll do my best to answer your questions as best I can.

Note2:

And so we start the "Dragon Rising" questline of the main story arc of Skyrim. Lucien gets more insight into Tim's character as a person as his disdain for the Jarl of Whiterun grows.

Honestly, even in previous playthroughs of Skyrim, it always struck me as kinda stupid that the Jarl would ask our Dragonborn to go help Irileth fight the dragon at the watchtower before even considering reaching out to the Companions that are right down the street from him. Balgruuf, as a character, never struck me as especially bright either in matters of politics, war, or governing. Clearly the ones managing to hold Whiterun Hold together are Irileth and Proventus.

#elder scrolls dc#fanfiction#tim drake#skyrim fanfiction#batfam fanfic#red robin#batfam#crossover#lucien flavius#wip#afewnovelideas

#elder scrolls dc #fanfiction #tim drake #skyrim fanfiction #batfam fanfic #red robin #batfam #crossover #lucien flavius #wip #afewnovelideas

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