I guess nobody will see this, and it's dumb anyway, but. I've just realized that with the servers burning down in 2021, we lost all the contents of the forum. And since I only thought about that yesterday, I'm currently grieving the loss of all the one-shots that were on the boys' fanclubs pages. This is really stupid, but these pages hosted some of my favourite works of fiction, all subtlety, poetry, amazing writing style, perfect characterization and just the needed amount of angst where it was needed (and way better worldbuilding than the games lmao). I know I'll live without these drabbles (duh), even more so because I hadn't thought about them in a very long time; but damn. We lost some great, great works. What I wouldn't give to read some of them one more time (and save them somewhere on my computer - the worst thing is, I thought I DID, but I could only find one :( )
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okay i love tiny eddie thinking richie is an idiot loser because thats wonderful but i can't stop thinking about the flashback in the clubhouse where richie is like "we aren't afraid of spiders lol" and eddie immediately takes off his shower cap...
like tiny eddie thinking richie is like. so fucking cool. he obviously still thinks he's an idiot because he's definitely seen richie do the coke mentos thing and put his face directly above the opening on the bottle to see whats happening and immediately get sprayed in the face.
but also like,,, richie is funny and smart and he's the best at street fighter out of everyone eddie knows. also he's tall, which eddie is both angered and impressed by. he wants richie to think he's cool too which like. he literally doesn't need to do anything but be himself for richie to think that. richie thinks he's awesome.
(richie never gets over eddie standing up to sonia, and every time eddie says something witty or loud and angry back to him he's nearly stunned into silence. half the time he just has to reply "kaspbrak gets off a good one!" or "OH BURN!" because he's so busy thinking about how cool eddie is)
as much as eddie yells and bitches about health and safety eddie is very much willing to do stupid shit to compete with/beat/impress richie. climbing unstable looking trees? swimming in the barrens? matching richie drink for drink when they're older? eddie is so easily goaded into competition i know it.
i got off track. anyways. eddie definitely thinks richie is awesome (also stupid. but cool). he also spends like ages seven to twelve under the impression that richie is just. universally considered to be the prettiest guy in derry. and is annoyed to learn this isn't the case.
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gog i still can't get over minish cap vaati's Everything. He is So Fucking Stupid (affectionate)
Like. This guy's establishing character moment is, in order:
he's introduced as having won an entire tournament to get to touch a magic chest and get a cool sword, which was the prize for said tournament
turns around and does a goddamn evil soliloquy TEN FEET AWAY FROM THE GUARDS who were about to hand him his macguffin on a platter
(like this man fucks up his own horribly planned daylight heist because he cannot keep a lid on the dramatics for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES, IN PUBLIC)
(THE BAR WAS ON THE FLOOR VAATI, FUCKING GANONDORF PLAYS THE PIPE ORGAN FOR HIS OWN BOSS INTRO AND HE STILL KNOWS BETTER THAN THIS SHIT)
proceeds to fight the guards (it is, admittedly, a curbstomp for him, but it still clearly wasn't his plan, because otherwise why bother with the tournament)
gloats evilly
opens chest, unleashing a whole bunch of monsters
exposits out loud about Zelda's powers like a nerd while she is actively charging up her magic powers to kick his ass
RECOGNIZES and IDENTIFIES said magic as the special power carried by the female royal line
completely fails to recognize it as the light force he is currently trying to get his hands on (he spends like 99% of the game not figuring this out.)
petrifies her
(i have no idea if link could have deflected this spell if he had managed to get the right angle with his shield but i like to think somewhere there is a very short and very funny alternate timeline where it happens)
(more importantly: no part of vaati's original presumed plan would have involved doing this. he 100% created this situation for himself by being an dramatic idiot and picking a fight for no good reason.)
looks in the chest
there's no light force
considering his stated goals he might be as confused as you are about the monsters tbh
uhhh
evil laugh
teleports the fuck out
He then proceeds to spend the rest of the game trying to figure out where the light force is and ends up having to wait for Ezlo and Link to figure it out first because he was, as far as I can tell, GENUINELY stuck on this part. He fucking kidnaps and impersonates the King, not for access to Zelda, but to… send guards to go look for the Light Force, presumably because he was either running out of ideas or genuinely thought that would work.
None of the guards even had any idea what he was talking about. He's not even good at impersonating the King. He's already sent like twenty people to the dungeon by the time you get there and it hasn't even been a week. Somehow the game spins this as a cunning plan and clever manipulation or something.
(Meanwhile the guards are just. Poking around in random bushes and shit hoping to find the light force. One of them asks you what you think it might look like.)
Zelda is literally right next to the throne and Vaati does not figure it out until you find an actual honest-to-goodness LORE TABLET spelling out that the Light Force is Stored in the Zelda, at which point he's like "ahahaha you've done my work for me this was definitely my plan all along" and takes over the castle and throws a bunch of monsters at you to stall for time while he figures out how to extract the force from her. Somehow he still doesn't think to actually lock the fucking door.
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I am going over Murderbot's and ART's first interactions again and it's driving me crazy, so I really need to yell into the void about it.
Alright, so we have ART:
ART, a highly advanced deep space research vessel, who is very attached to its crew and seems to generally do what it's supposed to, especially when not doing so could endanger its mission - but ends up accepting a suspicious looking SecUnit that is lying about being a bot aboard itself. ART is evidently aware that it is directly breaking the rules in doing so. (Aside: How often does ART break the rules?) Why? All for that tempting media package that the SecUnit has to offer?
No.
It was sent off to do some work all alone and got bored and lonely. (I think there are different ways to intepret this, but looking at our super social raised-by-humans loving-its-crew never-shutting-up research vessel, I choose to think that is exactly what it was!)
Anyway, what does ART do now that it has this lying, potentially dangerous rogue SecUnit aboard? It
lets it know that it saw right through its lies and knows exactly what it is
intimidates and threatens it by showing off its own ridiculously extensive superiority (just to be on the safe side ofc)
gets bored after the SecUnit gets too scared to do anything interesting
asks the SecUnit to "stop sulking"
learns that the SecUnit has been through A Lot and seemingly understands how it made it feel and apologizes
gets bored again and starts lurking and harasses convinces the SecUnit to watch media about ships and their crews with it
[gets way too invested and agitated by the media, probably going through its first media-induced emotional crises (but gets through them with the support of the very patient SecUnit)]
tries to have a conversation with the SecUnit to get to know it better
gets offended that the SecUnit is not answering truthfully and won't share sensitive and very private information about itself
lets the SecUnit know it can see through its lies, calling it "inherently inferior" to itself and causing the SecUnit to sulkily shut down for four hours (lol)
immediately calls the SecUnit "unnecessarily childish" upon its awakening four hours later (referring to its own extensive experience with children to really get the point across)
And apparently all of this seemed to be a perfectly pleasant and normal interaction to ART, because:
That's how you make friends, isn't it?!
God, I love ART so so so much and this is SO funny to me! To be fair, I don't think anyone ever really prepared it for an interaction like this. (Probably because its crew did not expect it to pick up a stray rogue SecUnit and try to befriend it).
Bonus:
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