#this is our scary rapper huh
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‘Butter’ Jacket Shoot Sketch
Day Three - Suga
#bts#min yoongi#suga#bts suga#bangtan#bangtan sonyeondan#bts gifs#btsedit#my gifs#he's so fucking cute#tongue technology amirite#this is our scary rapper huh#with his lacey button down and his pink lips and his soft face and his milky skin and his eyelashes#and his unbridled joy as he runs away from the fucking freezing ocean because it was NOT summer during this shoot lmfao#see you see him like this and instantly understand why jk had a whole ass unprompted crisis over how cute he is#he shows some tummy in the group shots#so you best believe i'm giffing that#because i am SUCH a sucker for a soft pale tummy#his especially
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This is for when you come back. I believe you've shared this guy before, but to me this is this is so musician!Eren x influence!YN. They would do a whole Scream homage to start off one of Eren's new music videos; it would be so hot that they make their own "scary movie" with one of the handheld cameras once the crew starts packing up 🫠
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR7ForeG/
omg babes I definitely saw this and was saving the best for last (just in time to start off spooky szn too!) thank you for this!! 🥹🫶🏾 (side note: I’m so sick of Jordan’s ass! He gets finer and finer every time I see him LMAO 😭)
content warnings: voyeurism, knife play, blood mentions, rough sex, breath play, mask kink go brr 🫠🫠, choking, roleplay, recording, squirting, slapping
we gon call this our lil bonus upload for day one! 🤞🏾or rather the appetizer for day one.
── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─── ── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.──
“Hnghh!—oh my God..”
muffled whimpers seeped from between your lips as a hand lie dormant across it, attempting to cover up your cries. Faint tears streamed down your face as the bright illumination of a camera lens beamed down at your face. It was such a beautiful sight, one too sexy not to capture. Eyes narrowed in a fucked out haze, plump breasts jiggling about from the confines of the latex bustier that had now been torn from your skin and your entire body being jolted around and impaled on that thick cock, thrashing around inside of you..makeup and hair all disheveled. The cause?
“C’mon..smile for the camera, princess. Show me how much you love getting fucked like a little slut.”
the deep voice hissed at you through gritted teeth, in a hushed tone and behind the concealment of a mask. And not just any kind..the infamous Ghostface one worn in the hit movie franchise, Scream. Behind it however, was a very familiar face. One smiling from ear to ear as he bared his weight down and pinned you to the mattress left on set of the music video that had just wrapped up filming. A chiseled six pack, diamond crucifix and perfect physique hovering over you..such a befitting and rather fun end to a day of hard work. It wasn’t often that you got to join your rapper husband when he comes to record music videos but he personally asked that you not only come along but be his co star. Starring as the damsel getting caught by the so called reaper who should by all accounts, be frightened but instead…winds up getting intimate with the masked assailant! Covered in blood and tousling around. When you saw your man in that get up, chest and abs all out with his tattoos slicked in oil and black jeans on, you lost all composure and sense of professionalism. So just as the camera crew was gathering their equipment, he snatched you up, took you back to the bedroom used to shoot the infamous scene, closed the door and continued his work.
“Gotta keep quiet, baby..they might hear us. You’d probably like that, huh? Let everybody watch you get this pussy pounded..right here..is that what you want?”
the words sounding off in your ear, but your mind became so blank, you could barely even concentrate. So for good measure, he’d pat your cheek twice and resume clutching your throat. Whilst letting his thumb rest between your lips for comfort. He’d carefully hold that camera in place, being sure to capture every moment. Honestly, he was committing to the bit quite well. Taunting you, teasing at your clothes with the kitchen knife he was brandishing and eventually popping the strings of your thong and cutting off that corset..even laughing at you as he forced you into another orgasm. Slapping you around a little and all. Especially when he held his hand over your mouth, causing you to grasp at his arm for breath… “yeah, she likes that, huh? You’re squirting, baby..” “..yes! It feels so fucking good.” it was so insanely hot yet so scary! It was that rush, combined with the very likely possibility of someone hearing or catching you guys in the act that had you so fucking turned on! Jolting around whilst getting drilled into the mattress, (y/n) pawed at those abs but it was of no use. So you settled on folding those legs back and occasionally wrapping those arms around his back, digging your nails into it. “I’m bout to come, daddy! Fuck..” “..I know, I know…I can feel how tight that shit is. Get your nut, baby. It’s alright.” Peering down at you with that camera, ready to capture that pretty little O face. Heaving and crying, you’d release a loud shriek as his thumb circulated your clit. You didn’t last another five seconds after that and before he could even pull out, you were drenching him in another puddle of fluids. A mix of your whimpers and his chuckles filled the room as you convulsed.
“Too much, huh?”
teasing whilst tapping that cock against your folds, as a means to drum out more..without so much as a word uttered, you’d push him back and try to feign off the sensation. Needless to say, it was a dangerous game coming to work with your boo! Running a thumb underneath the cloth, he’d finally hoist that mask and underneath was that strikingly handsome face. Tugging him down with your palms pressed to his cheeks, you’d feed him the sweetest kisses you could muster. Because regardless, he always knew how to keep the thrill and excitement alive.
“What do you say we get a couple more angles, baby? I think we need to redo that last shot.” “I think we need to get out of these people’s studio before we get hit with an indecent exposure charge.”
causing an eruption of laughter between the two of you..that was until knocking and faint footsteps could be heard out of the door, prompting you both to turn your heads with the quickness. You’d agree and hop up, scrambling to gather your clothes.
“But that bring that mask with you. I think we need to get more footage.”
#cherry’s asks 🍒#cherry’s sweetpeas 🌷🍒#kinktober day 1#eren x black fem!reader#kinktober#musician x influencer au#aot au#black reader smut#eren x reader smut#eren smut#eren jaeger smut#eren yeager x black reader#black fem reader#aot x black reader#eren jaeger imagine#eren headcanons#aot imagines#musician au#eren yeager#aot smut#snk smut#attack on titan smut#cw smut#cw knife#cw blo0d
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Little Weasel, Big City: Chapter 15
“I’m telling you, Leilani, it’s kinda nice to see a familiar face here. Now I might have one at work!” Travis commented as he pulled away from the curb.
“Oh, right! Thanks!” Leilani, who sat next to him, gave him a quick nod.
“So, Travis, uh, when are we gonna be there? This farm’s gotta be a good deal away from this area, since it’s full of buildin’s and cement and stuff.” Duke picked up an open bag of chips and ate from it.
“I’m gonna drive us to the train station, then we’re gonna take the train to Meadowlands. I’ll call a rideshare service to pick us up after our train ride,” replied Travis.
“Huh, haven’t been on a train in a while,” Duke remarked though a mouth full of chips.
“Really? How come?” Leilani looked back at Duke.
Duke shrugged. “Eh, just haven’t had a reason to. I was busy tryin’ to make it big time.”
“Well, you might succeed this time, Duke. This Daring Do job pays pretty well. Some of the animals there are kinda scary, and I ain’t in love with the commute, but it pays well. Besides, I don’t have to be at the farm very often.”
“I do need money! I’m so glad to hear that!” Leilani exclaimed. Her heart swelled with pride at her acting skills.
“Great!” Travis approached a STOP sign.
“Hey, Travis, do you mind if I turn on the radio?” Leilani asked.
“Yeah, sure. Just don’t change none of my presets.”
“Yeah! Let’s jam out!” Duke threw his fists in the air. “What kind of music are ya into anyway, Lei?”
“Well, usually pop or country; singers like Gazelle and Taylor Sheep.” Leilani began flipping through radio stations.
“Oh, I like those two! I’m partial to rock and rap. My favorite rappers are Lil’ Yakky and Kodak Bear. I kinda like Emu Nem, too.”
“Wait, you don’t know what kind of music each other likes? How long have you two even known each other? I mean, you’re married!”
Leilani stopped pressing the button. “Uh…well…honestly, we haven’t really known each other that long, but, when you know, you know! You know?”
Leilani saw Duke raise his eyebrows.
“Oh, well, I guess I get it. On me and my ex’s first date, we talked about what kind of music we liked. Maybe that’s unusual. I dunno.”
Leilani pressed the button two more times and stayed on a station that played a Gazelle song. A first date. Something she never had with Duke. She liked Duke, and she was pretty sure he liked her too. After all, he liked her enough to marry her, so he must have seen something in her. Despite his shiftiness, he cared enough to tell her that he contributed to the plantings of Daring Do. She suddenly wanted to have a first date with him so much. To just have fun together without her trying to get her new life together or them trying to figure out where some strange plants came from.
“Wow! This is awesome!” Duke, on the train, laughed as he grabbed onto a pole and swung around it. “I should do this more often! I don’t even care how long it’ll take until we get there! This is awesome!”
Leilani, standing at a pole next to him, had a hearty chuckle at his excitement over something nobody else seemed to care about.
“Hey, weasel!”
Leilani and Duke both pricked up their ears. They turned around and saw an elephant sitting down.
“Yeah, you with the black getup! Instead of taking your meds like I suggested, you got yourself a boyfriend to act stupid with!”
Travis dropped his mouth open as he looked back and forth between the weasels and the elephant.
“We just started takin’ our meds but they ain’t gonna take affect for a while. It’s called Get-A-Life-Exitine!” Duke took his toothpick out of his mouth and flicked it at the elephant’s trunk.
The elephant grunted and returned to her phone.
Leilani stared at Duke and slowly smiled. “Wow! That was awesome!” Leilani walked over to him and held onto the same pole.
“Oh, uh, well, thanks!” Duke softly chuckled and scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, he was a jerk, and I ain’t crazy about ableism. I mean, I know you ain’t disabled, not that that’s an insult.”
Leilani continued to smile as she narrowed her eyes. “Well, I appreciate it.”
Duke sighed. “Listen, Lei, I’ve been thinkin’…maybe once we have time and everything, and once I get my first paycheck, I could…take you out somewhere? My boss said the paychecks come every Friday.”
Leilani’s heart jumped. “Oh, uh, yeah! Sure! I mean, we don’t have to wait until you get money; we could do a picnic or go to the beach or something.”
“Well, uh, great! How about a picnic?”
“Great!” Leilani grinned and held a thumb up.
Far away in the meadow, Leilani saw rows of brown and neon green, accompanied by what was either a white tent or house.
“Is that the place?” Leilani asked.
“Yup,” replied Travis, “Come on. I’ll introduce you to the folks.”
Leilani inhaled and exhaled a trembling breath. This is actually happening. We’re actually going through with this. No going back—
She suddenly felt Duke’s paw on her shoulder.
Duke grimaced and gave a small, high-pitched laugh. “We’ll be okay!”
Leilani took a deep breath before they followed Travis down the hill and to the farm.
“Hey y’all! I’m back! Got some prospective coworkers with me.” Travis announced.
The array of animals watering the rows of Daring Do looked up from their watering cans.
“So…how prospective are they?” A deer narrowed his eyes and pointed a hoof at the clearly nervous weasels.
“Oh, pretty prospective. They just got married, and they’re in desperate need of money.”
“Yeah!” Duke put his arm around Leilani and walked ahead of Travis. “You ain’t got no idea how much my wife and I need this job! We’ve really hit upon hard times!” Duke’s anxious demeanor quickly calmed. “So, you got like, a manager we can talk to or somethin’?”
The deer rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. I’ll go take you two to our manager.”
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Behind: SKZ CODE
° Pairing: none
° genre: crack fic
° gender neutral y/n
° words: 1.1k
° warning: mature language
°A/N: So this is officially my first fanfic posted here. I dedicate this to my good gentleman @felixtok for forcing me to do this... Hope you enjoy :)
Today is the day… or should I say tonight’s the night. This is the first time JYP has let me choose the theme for SKZ Code and I think I’ve picked the best one. A scary one at that. The guys would be in groups of two and each group has to find a puzzle to escape the building; however, there will be obstacles, ghosts, and surprises along the way. I know, I know I’m a genius. Ok, I should say that Minho gave me the idea, unknowingly at that. It took me a whole night to come up with all of what they should do and where to hide the pieces. But now as I take a peek into the room the boys start in…. I realize that I should’ve made the games easier.
“Fail!”
“Boom!”
Aaaand they broke the jump ropes. Yeah, I forgot how dumb they are. It’s too late now to go back to the drawing board so we’ll just have to hope they’re smart enough to do the games… I’m putting way too much hope in them. Nonetheless, I ran upstairs to my position in the first room, the science lab. Along with a few other workers, I made sure that everything was set up and that every camera person was hidden. All of a sudden, I hear screaming. HA PUSSIES! I snicker to myself and continue working. Oh the fans will love this!
“Do you think they’ll be able to do the tasks,” one of the crew members asked.
“At first I thought they might, but now I highly doubt it,” I sighed.
“Ah don’t doubt them. I’m sure they’ll figure it out.”
Everyone who was left I’m the room looked towards the cameraman who still had hope in the boys.
“Mmm yeah, you’re right. Nevermind.”
We all laughed until we heard someone in our ear.
“BinBang are exiting the room now.”
“Alright places everyone! Let’s give them a good scare!”
Everyone rushed out and to where they were supposed to be. Luckily, I got to be one of the ghosts that got to scare the guys. I have the best job ever!
“Whoa,” was the first thing I heard when they came up. I’m guessing they ran into Jeff. He’s the zombie guard who’s kind of helping the guys but I don’t think they’ll realize it. Maybe Han… or Minho (I have faith in my bestie).. but besides them yeah they’re not going to realize it.
Next thing I know Changbin is yelling at Chan. I’m trying to hear exactly what he’s saying but at this point he’s hysterical. I’m sure he’s peed his pants. HA WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING THE DARK RAPPER? I figured it’d be easy to scare them but not this easy. I wait a while but I don’t hear or see the two. Did they… did they just go back downstairs? Sigh… we’ll be here all night! I decided to just sit on the ground and sip my little drink I have with me.
“Are you seriously drinking on set y/n?”
“Shut up, you’re supposed to be a dead body! And yes I am. Stay mad..”
Our conversation, if you could call it that, was cut off as we heard the two again coming up the stairs. I got back into my spot and waited for Chan and Changbin to enter the room.
“I love you. We’re really sorry.. I-“ What Chan??? He really just told the guard I love you huh?
As the guys were carefully walking around, one of them stepped on a firecracker and it went off. Changbin started yelling and I had to hold in my laugh.
“Was that a blank?” POP
“That startled me… THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!”
“I can’t hear anything.” Well no shit Chan. You’re literally covering up your ears.
I can’t with these boys. I said this would be the best job ever… I take it back. I’d rather be downstairs than waiting and hearing their dumb remarks. So far, I’ve been waiting for a few minutes and they’ve gotten nowhere. They’ve only noticed the chicken and the dead body.
“We like science. Science is very good.”
…
If the camera was facing me they would have captured my facial expression. Have you ever watched The Office and Jim would give the camera a certain look when someone said or did something stupid… (insert picture) yeah that’s how I look right now.
“We need to find the puzzle.” Yes I agree.
“This is really cruel.” Awww thanks Channie.
They walk around for a while so I just decide to help them a bit. The boys turned around as they felt my presence and jumped.
“Oh! Hello.”
“OOOOOH DON’T DO THAT!”
It was very satisfying to see their scared reaction. I touched the machine that was obviously a clue and left the room. Ah these boys… are lost causes. I made sure I was far enough from the room that no one would hear me, which I’m sure Changbin and Chan wouldn’t notice since they’re occupied with their fright, and went on the radio.
“What are the others doing now?”
“Telling scary stories. And honestly, Yongbok looks like he’s going to piss his pants.”
Oh it’ll be so fun scaring Felix! I go back and peek through the window with the other camera person to see how far the guys have gotten. So far… nothing.
“Your job must be so hard.” Ah, look at Chan. Always caring… but now’s not time for that. I want to hear crying.
“I think it’s a mannequin.”
“No its real”
“Ok you can jump up…. Now,” I told the mummy guy. As he did, the other two also jumped, but in fear. Mainly Changbin, the dark rapper. I held in my laugh. I’m so glad we let those two go first. He kept yelling but it’s not like any of us will touch them. Obviously not. If we were allowed I would’ve done it already. I look back to see that they realized they needed to get the key from the machine. Honestly, I don’t think they’ll get it in time.
“Jeff, you might have to intervene at some point. If they can’t get the key in the next few minutes give them the extra key,” I announced through our earpieces. And now they’re distracted with the food. WHOSE IDEA WAS THAT? Oh wait.. it was mine…. After a lot of screaming and singing and slow walking, Changbin and Chan finally left the second floor and back to the room with the others. Ugh FINALLY! The second floor crew went to the next room to set everything up.
“Is the doll near the stairs ready?”
“All set!”
Oh I can’t wait to see… well hear the next group’s reaction.
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take you on a drive | johnny suh
Headcanon!
pairings: childhood friend!johnny x childhoodfriend!female reader
words: 1.5k
genre: fluffy headcanon with humor uwu
synopsis: I’m pretty sure we all know NCT 127. You know, the 10-member K-Pop group who makes some questionable, but nonetheless amazing music? Then you must know their lead dancer and underrated vocalist/rapper, Johnny Suh. But what was he like before the fame and popularity? What happened in Chicago?
warnings: cursing
a/n: fuck, yall im so sorry for that long ass gif jdlknjdbc,,, anygays ADMIN 1 HERE YER YER. unedited in my angst to post this
disclaimer: This is a work of fiction from our imagination. It is not intended that the plot, theme, original characters, idols, etc. portray any real-life events/people. Plagiarism is NOT tolerated on this blog. If you believe we have copied an existing authors’ work, please message us privately. Thank you and enjoy :)
--
boy oh boy i hope ya’ll saw those pre-debut pictures of johnny cause-
CHILE
but before we get into that;
how’d you meet in the first place?
funny you ask
it was by pure coincidence
you were a rising junior in high school
yikes lol,
you were pretty fucking young
you had just got your drivers license and desperately wanted to drive your parents car
the sad part:
your annoying ass little brothers had to go with you wherever you drove
two of these devils were too much
imagine being in a CAR with them
hell
around august, you being the good sister you are,
offered to take them to the amusement park
with their equally annoying friends lol
12 year olds are just,,,
sigh
but you weren’t the only one chaperoning
one of their friends older brother (you vaguely remember his name being Johnny)tagged along to watch the devil spawns with you
and my my my, you were not expecting him to hop in the back of your moms mini van with all that hair
ya’ll know that hair he had pre-debut when it was super long and shaggy-like? yea that one
but he was cute
in a nerdy way though
you couldn’t help but steal peeks at him a few times-
or what you thought was being discreet
-through the rear view mirror of course
and what you gathered was this:
naturally puckered lips
might still be going through puberty with his voice
muscly arms, probably his whole body too
friendly eyes but intimidating face
in conclusion-
you didn’t know what to think about him
there came a point on the highway when your brothers and their friends wanted snacks
you exited the highway to the nearest gas station and sighed into the steering wheel as you waited for them to come back
“are you always this annoyed?” came a sudden voice.
you damn near banged your head against the car roof with how high you sat up
“shit, i thought you were in there with the boys.”
your hand was clutching your flowery tank top, the hot weather was not playing today
and he sniggered under his breath at obviously startling you
“What’s so funny?” in all honesty, you weren’t even upset
you just wanted him to get that you were not the one to mess with
… with your clear jelly sandals
… and clip on earrings your little sister forced you to wear
… and the flowers on your tank were the icing on the cake
the childish pout on your face was absolutely adorable to him
“You’re blushing. it’s cute.”
You couldn’t keep your front in place for long with that contagious smile he had
“It’s just insanely hot.”
“Pfft and so am I.” He playfully scoffed at your remarks, his bangs shifting along with his movement
the car fell into a comfortable silence after that,
both of you too awkward to continue
when the boys finally got into the car after 902837 years,
you were once again on your way to the esteemed amusement park
once you guys arrived, the boys immediately ran off to the biggest rollercoasters to ride
with you two alone
so much for chaperoning right
at least they said they’ll call if they need you
so there you were;
thinking how the hell you ended up with this sarcastic and sweaty dweeb
you turned towards him in time to see him already looking your way
might as well make the most out of the situation, right?
“I heard the Goliath is pretty scary.” You warily suggest
“Only if you’re a wuss.” He jesters back
“Tch, im pretty sure you’ll be throwing up your intestines by the time we’re done”
“I guess we’ll have to actually get on the ride to see, don’t we?” The cunning smirk was challenging and you were ready for it.
even if you were a little bitch who couldn’t stand heights
sorry to the readers who actually are afraid of heights
but if this guy Johnny was daring you,
something about him made you want to prove him wrong
“Race you to the coaster!”
and he ran off, leaving you in the dust
“I bet $5 he doesn’t know where he’s going.”
about an hour later, you and Johnny rode about 4 roller coasters
laughing until you cried
and screaming at the top of your lungs in absolute joy
but the slightly older teen at your side was having the time of his life too
for a completely different reason
his mind went blank when you held his hand tight as the ride was climbing to the top
he couldn’t contain his smile when you tugged him along to another ride and told him,
“Johnny we have to ride this one, It’s going to be even better than the last.”
you met up with the other boys to eat some of the food you snuck in
ngl y’all every time i went to six flags they don’t allow outside food in?????
none of you were tired yet, and spent another 3 hours at the park
You and Johnny found yourselves near the boardwalk part
It came to a surprise that he was the one tugging you along
you played all of the typical games people play
whack-a-mole
milk bottle
balloon bust
ring toss
roll-a-ball
that game where you have to shoot water in a hole to blow up the balloon
even managed to win your shaggy haired companion a stuffy
“it’s so pretty at night, isn’t it?”
you asked as he carried you on his back,
since you were complaining about your feet hurting
the lights of the carousel and the boardwalk together was so beautiful
you sat down near the big fountain in the middle, waiting for the other to make their way back
you chatted on and on about the amusement park
adored by the way his eyes seem to disappear when he laughed with you
and when you made your way back home, the conversation continued in the car too
you sung songs together and even managed to get on your brothers’ good side
surprise number 826363 of the night;
johnny could sing
You all sang your hearts out to Beyonce’s If I were a Boy, and TVXQ’s Mirotic
He couldn’t remember a time where he had so much fun in one day
so it was absolutely devastating when you pulled up to his house
“I guess this is it huh?”
he was so nervous, omg
he didn’t want to leave like that
shit, he spent the whole day having fun with an amazing person
he couldn’t believe he had to walk back in his house
and go on in life to only have this day as a memory
to lay at night and-
“You want my number, or...?”
you stifled a girlish giggle when he fumbled with his phone in his hand
you quickly opened up his contacts and added your name
with a little “<3″ at the end ‘cause you had to
you handed him back his phone and enjoyed the feeling of his fingers brushing against yours
your initial confidence soon left and all that was left was suffocating awkwardness
god he really wanted to say something
but he just had to be a nervous
even if you both were pressed against each other on those roller coasters
“uh... I had a lot of fun with you- with everyone I mean, today, by the way,” he forced the words out
he could hear how nervous and shaky he was, but you could see his eyes held sincerity
“Yeah, so did I.”
you stared at him with a small smile on your face
shifting in place under the weight of his strong gaze
HONK!
you both jumped at the sound of the car honking obnoxiously
“Damn where is the knife ‘cause this tension is THICK”
“How do you even know what tension is, aren’t you like, 6?”
you snorted at johnny’s comeback and shook your head in amusement
“I should get going before they try and drive the car down the street”
you subconsciously put your hands in your back pockets and slowly back track towards the car
“Hey, y/n!”
just as you were getting in the front seat, you whip your head in his direction looking at him expectantly
“Maybe next time you won’t actually be scared.”
he sent a giddy grin your way before closing the front door
leaving you in the drivers seat with tingles throughout your body
and a grin on your face that you couldn’t wipe away even as you bid your parents good night
you toppled on your bed in a fit of giggles as you hug your phone to your chest
take a shot from every time i type giggles
“omg is he asking me out on a date?” you couldn’t help but ask aloud
suddenly, your phone chimes with a new message
your phone drops on your bed from your excitement
you already knew who it was from
you quickly opened the message and didn’t stop your eyes from rolling all the way to the back of your head
save me in your phone as ‘youngHOE’ ;)
he never failed to make you laugh
#:') cries#johnny#johnny suh#nct#nct127#nct 127#nct imagines#nct fluff#nct headcanons#nct 127 fluff#nct127 fluff#johnny headcanon#johnny fanfic#kpop headcanon#nct fanfic#work by seulgiology#johnny soft hours#johnny be mine juseyo :333
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Day 22
Faith, Namjoon x Reader, 8/8 Chapters, 31k words
After trying to squeeze everything for Beneath the Surface, I think I’m going to split this one into two days. So...today we will be squealing about the first four chapters. Buckle up Buttercup, this about to be a whole damn emotional rollercoaster!
I think it was this story that cemented in me just how much I love your writing style. I love going through it with a story, but please give me a happy ending. I get too emotionally involved and invested in these characters and having a sad or open ended final chapter is too much for me! Give me the warm and fuzzy feels in the end! You really like to give us satisfying stories and happy endings. I was once deeply invested in a Harry Potter fanfic and it ended up having a tragic ending and I swear to Bob, it scarred me! We have enough sadness irl, give me the fairytale!!!
So, in this story, our MC falls in love with Namjoon, who is an underground rapper. You see how you ground the story for the fans? This could have really happened, or maybe it did...wait. Thinking about it now, we’ve all heard the theories that Joon is secretly married with kids. GURL, DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING WE DON'T??? Ok, ok, ok, moving on.
“You weren’t going to leave before your brother even got to the stage.
You MIGHT get kicked out before then though, you thought to yourself, glaring as another random hand smacked your ass as they walked past you.”
AGAIN, you always make your female MCs feisty and I am here for it!!! I know these are reader inserts, but I rarely ever see myself in them, if that makes sense? I still form a mental image of these main characters and I love how you are able to flesh them out so well without giving in depth descriptions (which is not ideal for reader insert fics, you know?) And I love that they stand up for themselves, no doormats here!
“You look up to find an incredibly handsome, and very tall, guy looking down at you, dimples on full display. He was dressed in all black. From the black skinny jeans that encased his long legs, to his black snapback on top of his bleached blonde hair.”
LAAAAWWWDD!!! I have a very clear memory of the rap line doing Cypher Part 1. Hobi looking like he was prepping for Mic Drop with his fit, Yoongi was blond, snapback, ripped jeans, bomber jacket, and his Straigh Outta Daegu attitude. And Joon...he had that undercut, kinda silvery blond hair, a simple beige t shirt, and black shorts. THAT’S THE JOONIE I PICTURE IN THIS FIC!!
“And your rap name is?”...
“It’s Rap monster.”
“Huh. Well, it’s not the WORST I’ve heard. Remember Llama guy? His name was MC McGriddle. I finally convinced him that it would be in his best interests to change his name. He finally did. Now he’s Hilbo Haggins. I don’t think he understands the concept of copyrights.” You smiled over at him.”
HILBO HAGGINS!! I am literally in tears. And is that Hobi??? Is it? Cuz if it is I will hereby stop calling him Hobert and refer to him only as Hilbo! Wait no...Hilbo reminds me of Himbo. Who is the biggest Himbo rapper I know, hmmmm…..OFC, MATTHEW! The big tiddy man himself. Ok, new theory. Hilbo is BM from Kard, and no, you cannot convince me it is not Matthew!
The first time between Joon and our girl is so damn hot and tender at the same time. Joonie is, of course, the perfect gentleman, invested in our girl’s pleasure just as much as his. And then…
“I can hear you overthinking.” He chuckles into your hair. He leans back and tilts your chin up, forcing you to meet his eyes.
“So what’s it going to be? Am I staying the night or do you want me to leave?”
You look at him shyly, and bury your face into his chest, mumbling, “Stay…please.”
“Good, because we obviously really like each other, and I wasn’t ready to leave. Give me twenty minutes to rehydrate and we’re going for round two.”
“I’ll never survive!” You squeak out, as he laughs and picks you up, carrying you to the kitchen.
AAHHHH!!!
“You watch the rise and fall of his chest, letting your mind ponder the situation you’ve found yourself in as you drift off to sleep. The only conclusion your exhausted mind can reach is faith. It’s time to let yourself believe in someone. You’re probably an idiot for it, but you’re going to put your faith in this man named Namjoon.”
This is incredibly romantic and scary at the same time. Putting your faith in someone, being vulnerable with someone, is so damn scary! It is a huge leap of faith. I can feel the angst coming!!!
The little snippets of them together in chapter 2 are so damn cute! I am on the verge of tears! When Joon calls himself a dad because she got a puppy, saying he wouldn't let her be a single parent, omg that was so cute!!! UUggh so fluffy.
And then...
WAIT
WAAAAIIITTTT
I just got it. The foreshadowing. Excuse me, I need to go cry in the corner for a bit, be back in three business days. This is like the tenth time I’ve read this story and I was today years old when I realized. It hurts, thanks! *finger guns*
Anyways, more cuteness please!! The peanut butter in the fridge, his apology, Joon befriending her brother, so freaking domestic. I cannot!!! And then, the emotional whiplash:
“You watch him over dinner, excitedly talking about his plans for the future (with a full mouth), and you slowly start to realize…you could never tell him. This was his chance. With his level of talent, you were sure he would be at the top in no time. You were going to have to set him free, so he could achieve his dreams, without worrying about you or what was soon to come.”
NO GURL NO!!! DON’T DO IT! TELL HIM OR I WILL. TELL HIMMMM!!!!
“Namjoon pulls off your shirt and expertly unhooks your bra (Heh)”
We, as a fandom, have decided to erase all memory of that particular song! Because we have deleted all information stored in our collective memory about that song, I do not understand this reference. Thanks! Lmao
AND THEN YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO NAME THE BABY FAITH??? So, my feelings don’t matter to you? My personal well being is not a priority for you? Noted. Not like I can do anything about it. What am I going to do, stop reading your stories? Bwahahaha that ain’t gonna happen. I guess I’m a masochist cuz here comes chapter 3…
Their reunion was freaking amazing. I thought he'd be mad or that his anger would turn into hate, but it seems our boi is even more in love with our MC than he was before. The looks across the room, toying with her fishnets, the flirting, the back and forth, the ride to Jack-in-the-Box. Talk about foreplay!!! And then the culmination inside the Jack-in-the-Box bathroom! Woooooooo! And she still hasn’t told him about the baby?!?!?
“If the two of you had gotten into a fight, Namjoon would drag you there to sit and talk things out.”
This is so spot on, Joonie would!
“Tell me what happened. Tell me why everything changed. Tell me why you didn’t want me anymore.” Namjoon whispers, his voice laced with pain.”
NO, NOPE, NOT TODAY SATAN. I CAN’T. I’M CRYING. I’M CURRENTLY SITTING IN MY CRYING CORNER ABSOLUTELY BAWLING!!
“You lose yourself in the familiar feel of his soft, plump lips moving tenderly against yours. If there was one thing that Kim Namjoon was better at than rapping, it was kissing. He always kissed you like he was worshipping you with his lips and he could happily do it forever.”
I feel this in my bones!!! Joonie would be the type to take his time too! And with those lips! Dayum…
I think I am done for today, my heart can’t take any more!!!
Tomorrow we will finish this story!
Now that I picture Matthew as that rapper, I can’t get it out of my head! Totally canon lmao.
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imagine taking rapper jake home to meet your parents.
i’m so sorry for the delay, anon! <3 buckle up, it got long and i’m emo!!!!! lil jakey jakes meeting your parents was not something i thought i’d cry about right now but here i am.
i listened to nothing’s gonna hurt you baby by cigarettes after sex if you want to vibe with me!
<3
jake swore he was about to shit his pants when you reminded him of the dinner with your parents.
he ran all over his house, searching for nothing and everything at oncel. one second it was his tie, the next his phone and after that his keys. he was just so terrified. he wanted to leave a good impression.
he dressed up like he was going to the oscars. he put on a suit, a new one he got tailored to his body just for the occasion. he covered all of his tattoos, with those long sleeves. he hid his chain under the color of the shirt you buttoned lovingly. he went to the barbershop too, he got a fresh cut and his beard neat. he looked like a movie star and even if this was not the man with whom you fell in love, you still loved this new persona.
“you’re so stressed that i’m stressed” you’d scream at him while he paced around the bedroom as you put on a simple outfit, some jeans and a button up shirt too. dresses felt too formal. it was your parents, not the pope. “we’re not going. i’m calling them and i’ll say i’m sick”.
jake stopped moving and protested. “if i wanna ask your father for your hand, i better know how he looks like first. if he likes golf, i’m out”.
the joke was unexpected, but it made both of you laugh. he kept bringing up marriage. it was like a running gag, but it felt more and more real. one day you would be called mrs gyllenhaal. and this day would not happen if you died from a heart attack because you couldn’t face the judgement of your parents.
so jake waited for you in the car. he picked a black jaguar, he didn’t want to be too obnoxious. he had the head lights shining bright and blinked them so you pretended to walk like a model and twirl in front of the car before you sat on the passenger seat. “so fuckin’ gorgeous.” jake said and noticed you, too, wore the chain he got you for your birthday. he stretched his arm out to play with it lightly and then proceeded to drive to your parents’ house.
he stopped in the drive way. it was a tiny home, very old with a bunch of flower pots that were wrapped up for the winter. it was lovely already. jake stopped the car and took deep breaths.
“you sound like you’re about to get into labor”
“it’s a neat trick you’ll have to try it”
and you both breathed fast like two freaks in the car while the music was playing in the background. some U2 song. it calmed the two of you down. when you got out of the car, jake immediately grabbed your hand. he needed the comfort.
you were about to ring the door bell when your mother slammed the door open and wrapped you in a tight hug.
jake smiled and looked behind her. he waved at your father.
“mom, dad, this is my boyfriend, jake. jake, this is my mom and dad.”
“hi mom, hi dad” jake replied and it made the two of them laugh.
jake wanted to bring champagne and flowers, but you convinced him to not do too much. your parents were simple people. they would be happy as long as jake didn’t tease you from under the table (the jeans were definitely a good option) or mentioned politics.
“our daughter has told us a lot about you” your mother said “yeah, we heard you are a singer? isn’t that the dream” your father added
“yeah.” jake smiled awkwardly and took a sip from the glass of water you both shared. you were sitting on his lap, on the love seat of the small living room. your parents asked him tons of questions. he answered them genuinely. he asked them questions too. he was relieved to find out your father preferred hockey to golf.
you sat around the table. it was weird that the fourth chair of the dining table was finally used.
none of your previous relationships lasted long enough to reach this level of intimacy. sex was one thing, but meeting your parents? that was a HUGE deal.
jake behaved like the best man in the world. he complimented the food. it was just simple spaghetti and storebought garlic bread. but it tasted like love and home. he asked for two other plates. your mom even reached to wipe his chin from the tomato sauce.
it filled him with joy. he had a tough relationship with his own family and he felt like he fit right in with yours.
you watched jake with heart eyes. he was so happy to explain his art and craft to your father who kept asking him if he had met blake shelton or the backstreet boys. you know, hip people. jake laughed and shook his head. he didn’t bother explaining that he sang about filthy things the two of you did. he was happy they considered his job as valid. he was not a carpenter or a doctor. but he was happy to spoil you nonetheless.
“you’re doing great” you’d whisper to jake.
everything was fine. until your mom pulled out the baby photos albums. THE SHAME.
“look at that tiny baby booty!” jake pointed and melted. “toohtless! that gums only look, can’t wait to see it again when we’re old and grumpy.” he pulled out a photo. you were wearing matching ugly yellow zipped hoodie and plaid pants. you were holding a teddy bear of the same colour as the one he got you for your birthday. behind the photography it was written happy y/n at the park with her best friend. he asked if he could keep it. your parents agreed. (it was his phone home screen from now on, your lock screen being a post sex glow photo when he could see a tiny drop of cum at the corner of your eye, it was still cute to him). “so she’s always been bad at cooking?” he said and laughed when you found a picture of you and your grandparents where you held a plate of burnt cookies. “hey, not cool! i was only seven!” you pushed him gently. “look at you now, you burn bread in the toaster”. your parents were the ones who melted now.
“so, jacob...”
jake insisted that it was fine your father called him by his full name.
the two of you were so stressed out. the tone of your father’s voice was suddenly heavy and scary.
“yeah?”
“does it hurt to get tattoos?”
jake squinted and you coughed loud enough to cover the whispered what the fuck that came out of his open mouth. his sleeves were rolled up and exposing the ink. “i mean, yeah, it hurts a lot. it’s worth it though. i feel like an art collector.”
“in my young days, i’ve always wanted a tattoo. i got the concept. this lovely lady as a pin up girl, quite impressive, huh?.” he winked at your mom who blushed while you tried everything you could not to throw up.
jake rolled his sleeve a little higher and pointed at a spot near the veins of the inside of his arm, close to the elbow. he got the outline of a heart tattooed. you noticed how wobbly the lines were, that’s because it was the heart you always drew at the end of your notes that you left him when you were gone or when he was out working. “that’s my favourite.”
THE WAY YOU JUST BURST INTO TEARS and your mom shouted “time for dessert!”
great timing.
“our daughter told us you loved m&m’s”.
jake turned to look at you. you shrugged.
your mother came back with chocolate cake on which she had sprinked crushed m&m pieces on the frosting.
jake asked to get the biggest slice. “that’s the best fuckin’ cake i’ve had in my whole life.” (which was a lie because the best cake was your ass but details) he said, his mouth full. your mother laughed and your father agreed. they began talking about hockey when your mother asked for your help in the kitchen.
“if we learned anything from you,” she started and handed you a plate to dry. you hated to do the dishes, especially if you were to be lectured like a child. “it’s to never judge people by their covers. we love jake. he’s good to you. you’re good to him.”
you hugged your mom and the two of you cried so loudly that jake dropped his spoon. he thought something bad happened. that you cut yourself with the butter knife or something.
“welcome to the family, jake.” your father squeezed jake’s shoulder as you walked back to him to press a kiss on his cheek.
it was now time to leave, after hours and hours of anecdotes from your childhood or from the time you were convinced you’d marry brad pitt or when you put eyeshadow in your hair to act like you dyed them to be punk but it was raining that day and you came back looking like a sad frosty rainbow.
“you’re my favourite person.” jake told you when he gave you his vest as a coat. it was chilly outside.
you all hugged and shook hands, promising to come back soon for brunch. jake told them he’d make his famous pancakes.
“hold on!” jake exclaimed and pulled you by the arm. you followed him back in the kitchen and he fed you a spoon of the cake. you fed him one in return again. “tastes almost as good as your pussy” he whispered in your ear and kissed your chocolate covered lips.
you finally left the house, waving from the car at your parents who stood on the porch. they seemed satisfied. and you? you had never been more in love.
“can’t wait to rip those tight jeans off your body and fuck you like a bitch.” jake winked and started to drive away. “i’m looking forward to the toothless viagra boosted blowjobs too, that’s gonna feel divine.”
you slapped his thigh and he moaned in pain. you rested your hand there and he brought it to his lips, planting a soft kiss.
“welcome to the family.” you repeated.
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Subtle | 1
Our First Meet:
I do not own the picture, credit to the owner.
This is my first series so please cut me some slack but also I welcome constructive criticisms! This is in Korean so for those of you who can read Korean and English, go ahead! I will post a full English version link to the Wattpad story in the masterlist!
Pairing: baekhyun x reader
Genre: kpop group collaboration!AU
Word Count: 975 words
Description: EXO is meeting BUBBLEGUM to talk about their group collaboration. Little did Baekhyun know, this would just be the beginning of something irreplaceable, it would just take a while to get there...
Masterlist
"Guys, you know you're meeting BUBBLEGUM today to just get to know each other before the performance." Manager Lee said.
"알죠, 그치 얘들아." Suho said. "For dinner, right?"
"얘들아? We're not kids!" I say. "We're grown adults!"
"알았어, 알았어. But we remembered right?"
"Suho-hyung, we're not kids, we remember." Sehun complains.
"Okay, we'll meet here at 6. Okay?" We nod and manager-nim leaves satisfied with our answers. I leave to go to the dorm and play games. After playing games for 4ish hours, I realize it's 5. I quickly change and drive over to SM. By the time I got there, it was 5:45. Chanyeol, Chen, Xiumin, and Suho were already there. The rest of the members came in the remaining 15 minutes. Manager Lee came at 6 and took us to the restaurant. He takes us to a private room and BUBBLEGUM was already inside. As soon as they saw us, they stood up.
"안녕하세요." They all say and bow. We do the same. There are 5 girls. We each introduce ourselves.
"안녕하세요, 엑소의 리더 수호 입니다."
"안녕하세요, 엑소 시우민 입니다. 근데, 민석 보러도 돼."
"안녕하세요. 엑소 백현 입니다." I say. The rest of the others introduce themselves. Each of the 5 girls pay close attention and try to memorize our names.
"아네, 감사합니다. 안녕하십니까, 버불검 리더 보라 입니다." I blank out after Bora introduces herself until there was a silence. "다연아, introduce yourself, 빨리!" Bora nudges her.
"오, 안녕! 버불검 다연 입니다!" She giggles. I hadn't really paid any attention to anyone but Dayeon caught my eye. She didn't have bright colored hair like the rest of them, it was a midnight black and curled to frame her face. She had big eyes with clear framed glasses and a cute little nose. Her bright energy and giggles made me smile, on the inside, and I realized how genuine she was. She was not like everyone else. She, was different.
"Now that we all introduced ourselves, why don't we start the meal?" Suho says. After we all take a seat, we eat and start discussing how we would perform.
"So, why don't we just practice that on Thursday at our practice room, 콜?" Bora says after we had made plans on the dance moves.
"Okay, we'll meet you there at 8:30." Suho says. Our managers take note of that and let us continue the meal. The rest of the meal wasn't awkward and the room was filled with talking and laughter. I tried my best to get along with everyone. Bora, the leader, was very assertive and kind of scary but was still a nice person although she seemed strictly business. Yoona, the dancer, was very expressive but quiet although the dance videos I've seen of her were very good. Suah, the maknae, was really pretty and probably the main visual. She was definitely cutesy and nice but it was like any other pretty girl, not that she was bad but nothing extraordinary. Sunny, the rapper, definitely had a sense of style and was very cool and had a sexy vibe. Lastly, the one who stood out the most, Dayeon, the main singer, who sang really well, and was a cute, giggly, bright bundle of joy. She definitely brightened the mood and her innocent clumsiness made all of us seem like a man. Her unexpected giggles and the jokes she made were hilarious but also cute. She was so easy to get along with and was a natural beauty.
"백현아? 오빠, wait I can call you that, right? 무슨 생각하냐?" Dayeon said.
"Huh? Oh, um... just about the performance."
"완전 멋있어요, 그치?"
"어."
"보라 언니 is scary, huh?"
"Uh well, not scary but kinda intense in like a not bad way." I say.
"It's fine, I know she's scary and she knows it too but once you get to know her, she's a real softie. I'm guessing it's the same with 디오 오빠, right?"
"Uh, yeah. Why does she act scary if she knows she's scary?"
"Because, that's Bora 언니." She smiles.
"Should we get dessert?" Xiumin asks.
"Oh! Can we get dessert? Hyung? Pleaseeeeee..." Sehun pleads.
"그래. Would you guys like to join us?" Suho asks
"언니, can we?" Suah jumps in front of Bora and clings to her until she sighs and agrees.
"어디서 갈거야?"
"How about boba? Everyone likes boba, right?" Chanyeol suggests.
"Yeah, that seems fine, 가자!" We all drive to the nearest boba place. It was a small restaurant so the 13 of us took up the whole place. We would discuss a bit more about the performance and just talk about life overall. After finishing our dessert, we returned to the practice room to practice and we go back home. I didn't really think about BUBBLEGUM or Dayeon until Wednesday, the day before we would practice together.
"Oooo... it seems like Kai has a crush! 여러분! 종인이 has a crush!" Sehun says loudly as they enter the practice room.
"Who is it? 종인 아, who has captured your heart?" I say dramatically.
"No I don't 세훈아! It's just business! I was admiring their talent!"
"That's not what it sounded like." He says.
"So... who is it?" Suho asks.
"No one-" Kai starts.
"다연누나!" Sehun says enthusiastically.
"누구? Dayeon from BUBBLEGUM?" Chen asks.
"Why do you like her?" I ask.
"I already told you! I don'-" Kai tries to speak.
"He said she was different, genuine, and natural." Sehun says excitedly.
"아~~~!!!! Can we just practice?" Kai whines. We all continue to tease him throughout practice but overall, practice went well. I don't know why Kai's announcement about his crush bothered me so much but I decided it was because I didn't want to see Kai get hurt. I was cheering for him otherwise, right?
Masterlist
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Mount Everest Ain't Got Shit On Us, Part 20. (Fezco x fem!reader) - The Aftermath, Part 3. (Ending)
Description: You were always told that your life will be as you wish it to be if you’ll study enough. That it will pay off if you work hard. And some people were given you like a scary example of what will happen when you don’t obey. But sometimes it feels good to disobey.
A/N: Inspired by Cinderella by the man of the greatest, Mac Miller for two reasons (and Talk by Khalid slightly in the end).
He truly is a great rapper in my opinion (and not because his life ended up so soon, sadly). I like the beats of his songs, the energy, they have thoughts in them (like Cinderella or Self Care).
Cinderella is a break-up song, but also, Mac says that he’s waiting for that girl no matter what.
Also, it should end up way different, but I was too sad, so I made it a bit sweeter. Still sad tho.
Warnings: Angst, ending of the series. You're gonna hate me, folks. Also a lot of Khalid mentions. And ma being right once again.
Word count: 4.1 K
Read the rest here, babe: PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 PART 6 PART 7 PART 8 PART 9 PART 10 PART 11 PART 12 PART 13 PART 14 PART 15 PART 16 PART 17 PART 18 PART 19
Masterlist and declaration: H E R E
Tagging: @charmed-asylum, @jeyramarie, @pantherxrogers, @analia-analia-analia
There's no such freedom as letting the bike ride down from the hill on its own, nothing is better than riding down with your ass up just as your hair flies around you and you close your eyes, smiling to the sun as songs rush through your earbuds.
For the first time in forever, you could feel happy and calm, a smile appearing on your lips basically on its own. The last few months were a fucking ride, you couldn't put it in other words. Your heart broke many times as you broke down in tears, sliding down leaning into the wall. There was a lot of screaming at your home, a lot of curse words falling down; from you and Fran, not from your parents.
She needs to go on rehab, your ma said when she saw you for the first time in hospital. There was no such terrible news for Christian parents than knowing that their child is a drug addict. Or a lesbian. They could somehow handle Fran like that problem kid, at least for the first time she got into a rehab, but when you ended up on a hospital bed for the first time as well, they were so disappointed.
Also at that moment, Fran was on the same hospital floor with recovering from cuttings under her neck, her ankles, and her palms. She was out. Sleeping. Fighting for her life. In the end, you couldn't blame your parents for their reactions. One of their kids ended up in the hospital, drugged and almost dead, and when the kid had finally woken up, the other one tried to kill themselves. It was just too much to take in.
Of course, you were forbidden to see Fezco when they learned what actually happened, or what occurred according to the witnesses. If they knew that the man with a red beard just appeared in the same room as you did, they would kill you both. Regardless of what happened, they made Fezco the bad guy, even if the police found him completely innocent. For further restricting the contact between you two, they even took your phone away.
Your man almost couldn't handle that shit - and he didn't even hear the worst part at that time. He sat by your side almost every evening since you were in a coma, holding your hand, sometimes even sleeping by your side - and when his little angel had finally woken up, he was restricted to see her.
Thank God, the teen-agers who were saving his ass have done a really good job - part of that was that Nate had got a good record with manipulating crimes and he was from a well-respected family. And the other part was done thanks to Jules, who took all his drug-dealing junk into her room until the situation got quiet. They were working to save him a good time and they knew that they would be able to manipulate a murder - which didn't mean that they would like to kill for business from that moment on (even if Rue persuaded that idea many times).
But in the end, Fezco wasn't arrested or rotting in jail, which made you happy. But even if he was legally cleansed, that didn't make a difference for your parents at all. He was a criminal - and he could damage your life and well-being.
Of course that as soon as they released you our of the hospital, and they also told that there's no need for rehab since you're not a junkie, you ran off in the night. It was a cold January night, it was snowing and the roads and pavements were covered in a thin layer of ice.
As soon as your lips touched his, your body started to undress before you even realized any of it. There was no need for words. You only needed him and his dick. You slowly realized that you're naked when his warm skin pressed on yours and started to heat it. The truth was that you only barely realized what you were doing as you felt all those things after a few months. You wished for his taste never leaving your lips, for his skin to warm you until the day was over and to smell him when you close your eyes.
Fezco wanted to make you feel love and to make you feel like a princess, yet it didn't end up like that at all. It was passionate, it was almost violent at whiles. You started on the bed and when he was finally naked, you somehow ended up on all fours, ass up for him, yelling to the floor as you felt the skin on your knees burning.
He always told you that you look like a beautiful, tender angel. That night was somehow different - you wanted and needed to be broken by him. Fez basically destroyed you that night - just as you mesmerized him by slow, tender lovemaking - you rode him like he loved to and to feel you after such a long time was like a dream coming true. Unreal.
When it was all done, you laid down in his bed, holding him just as if he belonged to you - your hand around his hips, your leg entwined between his thighs with your forehead on his chest. You felt safe. But you know that it wasn't for too long.
"I heard rumors." - Fez started slowly, drawing circles on your naked shoulder, kissing the top of your head.
"Oh yeah?" - You wondered with a low chuckle, kissing the small sweet spot between his flat breasts. - "What did you hear? Do you want to share with the class?" - You mumbled as you continued up to below the line of his beard, your hand slowly traveling down, thinking of round three.
"About you movin' out of da town." - Fezco whispered, watching you with his blue eyes. He was... Hurt. And about to cry. Which mad you inclined to crying as well. It was like an instant connection.
"I am afraid... That those aren't only rumors, Fez." - You sighed. The man under your body just shifted for a second before he closed his eyes as he smoothed his face with his fingers. - "I need to. My parents want me to. And they wouldn't leave me alone."
"When ya leavin'?" - Fezco gently pushed you on his body, leaning his head down to kiss you.
"On Monday." - You mumbled to his lips and felt, how he tensed. And practically pushed his lips off yours. - "I have already packed everything."
"And when you planned on tellin' me? Huh? A short call at a gas station?" - He got up from the bed, taking some underwear on, leaving you naked between the blankets. Everything inside you strangely hurt, it felt like if you let your man down, because he wasn't even able to look in your direction.
At that moment, he didn't think about loving you like anybody else on the whole planet, he just thought about you being gone from his day-to-day life in just two days from that night. That just wasn't fair - how could someone love somebody else so much only to let them go?
“Fezco, you know that it's not like that.” - You sat, covering your own body with a blanket. You felt as tears slowly crept into your eyes. - “You know how complicated my life is right now. You do.”
“Whatever, man.” - He leaned his palms into one of the cabinets in his room, looking into the mirror as you dressed up. You felt the need to leave immediately. Before knocking on his door, you were willing to give him both the nights that were remaining to you in the town. Now, you just wanted to get away from that place.
And so you did. And didn't come back after that, not hearing a single word from Fez again. You took it as a break-up. He hadn't tried to contact you after that one last passionate night. It felt cold. So you acted cold as well, you didn't stealthy left your room or went to his and Ash’s gas station. And it hurt like hell; it hurt so much that you only laid in your bed and cried until you fell asleep, not leaving your room for food or toilette.
And this time, you hadn't got Fran by your side to tell you that you will do just fine - with Fez or without him.
Rue and Jules came to visit you just before it was your time to leave, both of them were crying like hell. Rue held you for a ridiculous amount of time, so tightly that you giggled. Then you sat at your room, a rap song playing from Jules’ phone.
“We’ll miss ya, idiot.” - Rue said and nuzzled her head into your upper thigh so you could massage her scalp.
“If you can behave and you will stay clean, you can come to visit me to Minnesota on spring break.” - You smoothed her cheek with a small smile. - “Granny has a place for all of us there. It will be fun because Minnesota is beautiful.”
“Yeah, I heard somewhere that its wilderness is great. We can go hiking.” - Jules exclaimed happily, holding your other hand.
“Only if missy here on my lap will stay clean. Can you promise that?” - You asked the beauty on your lap and she nodded lazily with her eyes closed and a sad face, she was smelling you, so she remembered your favorite perfume or antiperspirant.
“Anything new about Fez?” - You mumbled with a sigh.
“He’s still refusing to speak with us. He tries to get me clean again and I think that we are remindin’ his ass of ya. You know that it still means that he loves ya?” - Rue played with your fingers childishly. Of course, he was in love with you - because you still couldn't get him out of your head or heart as well.
The question was if you will be ever able to forgive him. Everything was screaming his name to you - like the small things on your bedside table, an empty frame where your photo used to be, weird hoodies that reminded you of his style, that tone of his voice whispering you dirty little jokes whispered to your ear, him making you laugh whenever he felt you're stressed that you could hear in any song you’ve listened to, his smile and blue eyes in the color of the sky. No. No, you knew you could hardly move on from that intense relationship. And even if you eventually do, there will be a part of you still in love with that man.
No other boy will ever take your panties off, damped as hell, the way Fezco did. Nobody brews coffee the way he did and nobody else will watch you perform concerts only in your lacy bra and bathrobe.
“He will be fine. He always is. Let him take his time.” - You nodded, crying again, but smiling at Rue sadly.
“And about ya?” - Rue asked seriously and you just looked away. After that, Jules changed the topic fast, because she knew that you're about to scream in frustration.
One thing was crossing your mind again and again - why people who are the closest to be actual angels are the most corrupted ones? You took a good look at Rue, the girl with heart of gold - a drug addict, irresponsible woman with OCD, ADD and so many shits to add to the stock. Jules, such an incredible sweet - also a kind of slut for older men. Fezco, literally the best boy you have ever met and basically the love of your life - a dropout highschooler and a dealer who killed a person.
The people around you were the literal angels - and the most fucked up of all people youve ever met and you knew that you will never meet anyone like them in your life.
So naturally, when it came to saying goodbye, there were so many tears that it couldn't be counted. Rue was telling you dumb jokes and promised to send you letters every once a while, Cal couldn't even speak in his terms because he was sobbing so much and Jules... She was just sadly smiling at you and even if she wasn't crying at all, you could feel that she is sad.
But you only laughed when your ma started the engine and Jules and Rue followed you on their bikes until the Hope you'll come to visit you again and you only could laugh because they were yelling stuff at you the whole way while you were leaning from the window and looking at them.
When you left the town, you closed the window, seeing those two still watching your car disappear. You sighed and started to play with the few rings you had on both hands.
“How you're doing?” - Your ma asked silently. You disappointed her really bad, but you were still her daughter and you knew that sooner or later, she will start trusting you again. But you also knew that you needed to take small steps at a time. Same with dad. You fucked up, that was for sure - but there was still a comparison to Fran, so your fucking-up bar wasn't as high, you thought to yourself.
“I'm doing just fine.” - You said quietly, not looking at her. - “Thanks for your concern.”
“Y/N, stop acting like Fran. This is...-” - Your ma gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter. - “For the sake of my own health and well being, I know, I know. How I said, thanks for your concern.”
“Look, I know that this whole attitude thing is about Fez. And I get it, totally.” - She started quietly. That was when you turned off the radio and turned your face to her a bit.
“He isn't a bad person and you know that.” - You mumbled with the breaking of your heart being pressed into every letter of that sentence.
“And if I remember correctly, I and neither your father ever told that. Never. Not even once.” - She sighed and after a long time, she started speaking again. - “He is a wonderful man when we are speaking about his character only. All I needed to know is that he makes my daughter happy and that he is honest and serious with her. And I swear to God that I've never seen anyone looking at someone else like when he watched every move you ever made. I liked having him over for dinner or movie marathons. He was kind to me and nice under any circumstances. Fezco is a good, loyal and loving person.” - She told you. You were sitting there like a hot pile of shit, looking in front of you without any word coming to your tongue.
“And I know you left your room on Friday and I am not dumb. But you two needed to talk to each other for the last time. I needed you to do it, because it doesn't matter if he is a nice guy or not when he shot a guy with a gun, regardless it was self-defense or not. A mother doesn't want to see her child with a man like that.” - She stopped the car on the right side of the road and she watched as your cheeks have filled with tears. But she didn't stop the engine.
“And I know that if you want, you can just be with him again when you are an adult. But I think that now it just isn't your time to be together - things happened to him, thing happened to you and... I know it hurts, baby. I know. But give it some time. Let both your lives settle down, grow up a bit, grow as a person and someday, maybe, if you want, you can save the man you're so blatantly in love with now.” - Your ma took your hand to her palm and kissed it slowly, letting you cry.
She was right, just as always. You’ve done wrong - but just as you did, he did too. And she did even know that if you would want to continue the relationship in the future, you could and she couldn't stop. But this was her way of making you stop for a while, so you could get out of Fezcos drug world she didn't even know about.
“We have broken up... The night I have sneaked out of my window.” - You confessed quietly and she just closed her eyes and exhaled out loud. Your ma was the wisest woman you have ever met. She did antagonize Fezco - but on the other hand, she was able to tell that he has a kind heart and that the relationship you had was an unusually strong one for the first one in your romantical life, at least openly.
She even liked that boy. He helped with the dishes, laughed at her dumb jokes and brought her some nice pieces of dishes and flowers when he had an opportunity. Naturally, she was a little sad that you called your romance off. Or, more likely, he called it off.
“You will be fine, baby. You will do just great.” - She promised and kissed your forehead. She was mad at you most of the time - but the mother does nurse their children when something happens. Plus, you already showed the will to turn the things around.
Even if it was without an internet connection and extremely far away from your own home, you loved your granny’s big house in Minnesota. It was a big and old one and you loved spending time there since you were small. It was kind of a bummer to start school all over again without anybody, but you managed.
Your mom got you a new phone number and made sure to give it to Leslie and to Jules’ dad, so they could call you from time to time when you weren’t doing anything at the moment. The town was pretty small and you knew most of the people - but nobody knew the true reason why you moved there. They were glad for you nonetheless.
You found new friends sooner or later and one day, while you’ve been sitting at a coffee, waiting for your studying partner, you’ve hidden all the photos and stories you had with Fezco on Instagram. It felt strange, yet the memories in photos of you and Rue, Leslie, Gia, Jules, and other girls made you genuinely laugh.
In this town, you had a good reputation - you were a pretty good student, the nice person helping on local events for children. To say at least, you’ve been good.
And just as Rue promised, she wrote you letter every two weeks. She bragged herself about being clean so she could visit you with Jules - she also wrote the number big and colorful, so you couldn't miss it at all.
Over time, small notes were delivered in the letter for you - for example, a polaroid of your and Fezco’s favorite restaurant and when you turned it, there was Do ya remember? written in big letters.
For the first few times, you thought of Rue doing weird Rue shit - but over the time, the photos got more and more intimate - the place where you sat and made love under the stars, the pool where it all has started, a small spot on the counter in his shop which you marked as yours with a heart drawn with a glitter pen. Later, you started a small collection and you were smiling every time youve opened up the book to save another polaroid there. It was like he was speaking to you with small sentences like I remember everything or This place ain't da same without ya singin’ Talk (*by Kalid, author’s notes) and the sweetest was when you received a photo of his bed with This space empty without ya, just like ma heart.
And that’s what got you to that one April afternoon where you drove the hill on your bike, listening to some good old Khalid, as you did with Rue. Thanks to her, you knew a few of his songs by your heart. Rue loved him.
Just as you entered the house, you kissed your grandma on her cheeks and went to your room to clean up your things. The phone was laying on your bed and still playing songs when it started to vibrate and play the ring bell tone.
You were surprised - it was neither Rue or Jules, Fran was calling from rehab every Wednesday, ma called on Friday. When you read the number, your brain recognized it as if someone snapped next to your ear. You got anxious and you almost threw up - you never tried calling him, you weren't seeking photos of him or exactly threw up yourself in self-pity and melancholy, only the first week you’ve been in Minnesota was like that.
Did you want to hear Fezco actually? Wouldn’t it just hurt you more? You knew how cold he was when you told him that you’re leaving... Three months ago. But since then, he was slowly making you fond of those memories you had with him. He was apologizing in his very own way.
But the true question was if you were ready to hear him again. You were nervous, sweaty, shaking like hell. The first call fell into a black screen and you exhaled slowly. No, you weren’t. You definitely weren’t.
Just as you threw the phone back on your bed so you could continue with the stuff you had to have done, it started to ring again. You closed your eyes, leaning into the wall. So Fezco was serious with the call? It made you only more anxious and angry. He was acting like such a douche the last time you’ve seen him and even if he took you cute polaroids, he didn't even apologize.
That evening was mostly Fran’s fault, yes, but he technically shot Mouse down. And he did so for a good reason - Mouse was scared that you will disclose their location to the police. You could be the corpse. But exactly was also a reason why you had to leave. And he didn't exactly have the decency to neither explain himself or say sorry.
You were basically sure that you are done with him - backing up all those photos you had so you still had them, but not in your gallery, archiving every post on socials you had with him. You guessed that you weren't simply a thing anymore.
And you even tried to date a guy in Minnesota. But just the way he held your hand didn't feel right. Fezco always held it like if you were a princess, gently playing with all the ring it had, kissing your knuckles or fingertips while he was bored or listening to what you were saying. And the way Minnesota boy was kissing? N O W A Y. It wasn't right at all. His clothes weren't as cozy as Fezco’s, he didn't smell as good as your former boyfriend did. He didn't touch you so you would feel like a goddess - that was a no-no situation for you.
And you realized that Fez might have set the standard bar for other boys who tried to win you for themselves too high. He truly was spoiling you with every look and every touch.
But that didn't mean you would just run to him when he calls you like a dog. He was doing some fucked-up things and you acknowledged that especially since you weren't mesmerized by him every day.
So you told yourself that if he calls you for the third time in a row, you will pick the phone up no matter what. No matter how angry or nervous you would be. The second ringtone ended and you watched the screen with anticipation. The phone was silent for a minute, then for two, three... You sighed and shook your head.
“Y/N! Dear! Can you come and help me out here with something?” - Your granny screamed at you from the first floor. You slowly went to the door, still glued to the screen of your phone as you held the door in your hand. You almost closed it, but it rang again - and to your surprise, a big smile grew on your lips as you went to pick it up.
“Gimme five minutes, grandma!” - You yelled back at her and sat down on your bed.
And you picked up.
FIN
#mount everest ain't got shit on us#hbo euphoria#rehab#rue bennett#fezco euphoria#fezco x reader#fezco x fem!reader#here we go again#the last part#I will miss it tbh#jules vaughn#drug addition
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I feel like this is to assure myself and no one else.
It has recently come to my attention that real people actually read this blog.
That sounds a little stupid, given that I religiously advertise it on both Snapchat and Instagram, but there was a part of me that assumed it would fly over the heads of most (see: all) people. And it's inherently contradictory, but I did not think a Real Person would take time out of their lives to read my utterly irrelevant musings.
I am terribly grateful to my friends and then some for deeming me important enough to click into this site. I am thankful for their validation when they don't just do it silently, lurking amidst the sans serif. One quoted my own words back at me in ALL CAPS, another sent me a video zooming in on my disgruntled face on the sidebar, and more mention it casually in passing conversation, jolting me into the reality that yes, this is A Thing.
But as I laid in bed and typed up the post two days ago, I'm suddenly reminded of why I rarely made my writing public.
I sound like an ungrateful little shit, and I'm truly happy whenever someone mentions The Thing (i just don't like the word blog), and I want to share The Thing with the world because it's a little scary thinking about how all your time and effort and words and emotion could be lost somewhere in the void, like an unread letter that's wandered off the post-trail, but.
Writing digs into the most vulnerable flesh of your heart and mind. I recently saw a quote, "We are writers, my love. We don't cry, We bleed on paper." And there are variations of this quote from others: "I don't think all writers are sad. I think it's the other way around: all sad people write;" "I didn't write it down to build a poem. I wrote it down because that is what I do with the things that unravel me. I drag them across a page."
I don't mean for this to take a maudlin turn, but writing is a salve for aches in the soul. I'm by no means a writer, but I like to think I write (s/o to my soulmate, jackson wang, who said, "i'm not a rapper...i just rap). And sometimes, sharing what I've "dragged across the page" is turning my skin inside out.
I'm definitely more comfortable with sharing my vulnerability through words on a sheet of paper (or words on a WordPad document) than through words spoken to another Real Person.
In my junior year of high school, I sat in a hotel room in Sacramento with words stuck behind my clenched teeth. It was the most peculiar feeling, like if I loosened my jaw, I would vomit the words from my chest and they would tumble off the bedsheets and onto the floor, staining the hotel carpet. But the tension never snapped, and I scrawled them onto a torn sheet of paper instead.
Even now, I express the deepest parts of my emotions through letters. I think a large part of it is because I don't want to see the emotions unfold on someone's face. It's not that I don't want to see them, but I don't think I--this emotionally constipated individual--am capable of responding to them in a way that's not, "Uh. Yeah. Okay. Lol bye." And I feel like that's just not appropriate or sufficient in some circumstances. Better to just avoid the potentially awkward situation.
(yes this is not the most mature way to deal with emotions but spare me the lecture.)
And so, when I am writing, and not saying words at someone's face, I pull out the most intimate intricacies of my heart and twist them into phrases and sentences. And I like to do it without a filter.
But when I was writing these past few days, I was conscious of an audience. I began crafting sentences through the lens of what would this specific person think of this and oh my god what if this person reads this and fuck it ok just kidding we can't just fuck it sos. It was a dangerous balance between editing and re-editing and declaring, "Fuck the world, I write for me, and I'm going to write recklessly and with abandon."
This the main crux of the problem: there is me, the person that you know and talk to and maybe have grown up with, and then there is me, the person who spits words out onto The Thing. And sometimes the two me's mesh perfectly like a pattern overlaid on another to produce an image, and sometimes they don't.
It's kind of like when you go clubbing with a childhood friend for the first time, and you've only known them as the youth group-going, favorite child of all Asian parents, and then y'all are in the club and damn okay they just took seven shots in a row.
(I'm not speaking from personal experience.)
There is a moment of reckoning when you try to reconcile two facets of a person.
(Or maybe this is a me problem, but bear with me here.)
A few months ago, I took a trip with two of my closest friends to San Diego, to visit the college town where one of them spent four incredibly formative years. It was fun and beautiful and very, very disorienting, because in my egocentric point of view, I had forgotten that we lived these four years separately. Suddenly, he was introducing to me a different life, a different history that I wasn't part of, and I couldn't help but feel like I was sitting in the passenger seat of a stranger's car, listening to a crude imitation of a familiar playlist.
The feeling began somewhere on the 5 freeway, when he navigated the unfamiliar lanes with a practiced ease, and swelled as the sun set and he told stories about Mount Soledad and him and his friends.
And it was weird, because I felt like an intruder, even though I had been invited into his memories, and the unease took shape as silence and stilted words until he asked, "Are you okay? You seem weird." And the feeling was spilling onto the back of my hands as I gripped the skirt of my dress, but I couldn't beat it into words, so I unclenched my fists and fastened my seatbelt and choked out a, "Nah, I'm just tired."
I think I'm still in the process of working through this reckoning. It doesn't happen for all of my friends, and it's not always so discomforting. Sometimes, I scroll through Instagram pages with a sort of curious hunger to fill the years I’ve missed, and other times, I take the new information, file it as: Yeah okay, I could've predicted that. But then, there are the times where I can only search someone's face in silence, lump in my throat as I rewind our histories and try to find where one of them snagged and became out of sync.
The different facets of the self should, all in all, unveil the most authentic self. The more you get to know a person, the more you really know a person. I imagine it like you're building a three-dimensional sculpture, and with each new piece of information, you add another bit of plaster to it. Yet, I sometimes lose sight of what I'm trying to build, and when I see the blueprint again, I realize I've veered wildly off course. It's scary, every time I run into a moment like this, because it's like the person I knew, the friend I've had for a decade, was actually just someone I created in my mind, a person who overlapped at the edges with the Real Person, but ultimately, were not the same. And when the illusion disappears, I'm left with a stranger.
I'm exaggerating, but.
I'm a little scared this is what you will feel as you read this. I'm scared there will be no separation between the writer and the writing, and although writing reveals the deepest, most intimate parts of a person, is it really the authentic self? It's only a slice, a slice I had cut with carefully chosen words.
So I want to assure you, if you are someone like me who thinks they view the world on a wide-angle lens but really, only through a slit, and you are someone like me who reels when the cover is yanked away and you're left staggering through the new vista, that every sentence is a part of me, but who you know and who you talk to and who you message is a larger piece of me. And maybe we will never get to know each other fully, because that kind of privilege is saved for but a few, that doesn't make either of us any less authentic.
I sometimes wonder what character development looks like in the real world. When I was a sophomore in high school, I cringed so hard when my favorite English teacher tried to use my essay as an example in class that he almost immediately pulled it out from underneath the Elmo projector and used someone else's. In freshman year of college, I wanted to join a creative writing club, but after realizing that I wouldn't be able to submit my work for peer-editing anonymously, I banished that notion. Yet, for some reason, in my senior year, I decided I wanted to take a fiction writing course. On the day of my first workshop, my hands shook so much that I had to sit on them to stop trembling.
In the beginning of the class, I, myself, had a very difficult time separating the writing from the writer. I think especially in an intro class, students use facets of their own life to create fiction. I think even advanced writers do the same, because ultimately everything you write is you. And I did my fair share of speculation--why did she write about a sibling rivalry does she have a sister, hey did this guy study abroad in hong kong with you because he wrote about that, and huh i wonder if she grew up in florida this is beautiful.
It's the kind of speculation we do with the Greats. Did Shakespeare write Hamlet for his son, Hamnet? Who was Sonnet 18 written for? Was Shakespeare gay? Because see, in this one bit, he wrote.....
(i was a very bored AP lit student ok)
It's the same kind of speculation my friend did when she finished listening to a new song by Crush and said, "Oh, he must be dating." Or the speculation all the YouTube comments had when Jon Cozart and Dodie Clark released duo songs titled "Tourist: A Love Song from Paris" and "a non love song from nashville." It's the kind of speculation you do when you are given a slice of someone's soul, and suddenly, you want to understand the whole thing.
But that kind of scrutiny is uncomfortable. We're okay with doing it to Shakespeare, because the dude's dead. We're okay with doing it to big name artists because hello, Crush is not going to hear my friend talking about him. We're less okay with doing it in the public realm of YouTube comments because they are read by the content creators who explicitly said, "pls don't speculate." We are even less okay with doing it to our peers, and we are not okay with other people doing it to us. Okay, maybe I should just speak for myself.
My trajectory in that fiction writing class was backward. My first story was about a white male living in New Jersey. My last story was about a Chinese American woman who used to live in the suburbs of Los Angeles.
It wasn't planned.
It's as if my subconsciousness drew up barriers the minute I stepped into that classroom, and wrote a story as far removed from who I am as possible.
Because really, who is going to think that the gas jockey with a hunger for divine power is me?
(sike.)
But I guess character development is becoming okay with vulnerability and with potential speculation, and as I wrote, I began writing closer and closer to the heart, pulling the words from the east coast to the west.
When the last workshop rolled around, I was calm, sitting at one of those awful, plasticky chairs with tiny, useless desks attached to one arm. I was neither defensive nor uncomfortable, like I thought I would be, just at peace and humbled as I listened to my classmates discuss the craft of my writing.
And I think that's the ultimate lesson: once you write something, or create something, and release out into the wild, it no longer belongs to you. It's an argument I used to make in my art history class, but it's an argument that John Green often makes when his readers ask him about the meaning behind his books.
I don't quite mean it like he does, when he says, "Books belong to their readers." I think that before the writing is consumed by the reader, it is its own entity, existing independently of both writers and readers. And when it is eventually taken up by the reader, the writer shouldn't feel a sense of possessiveness or vulnerability or fear about the content.
And shit, that really fucks up my other thing about trees falling in forests but anyways.
There are a load of other things I have to consider when suddenly, the dumb spools of thoughts in my brain become free content for the Internet. Like, privacy rights? Am I allowed to talk about this one thing my unnamed friend said, but wait, you can definitely tell who it is, oh fuuuuuu-. At what point is it oversharing? Do I get to decide the line between okay and TMI, or does me declaring that I am writing this for myself mean there is no line?
But, in the end, I just want to say thank you.
I’m really used to, as I’m sure many people are, presenting just one facet of my whole self to people. Every individual has a number of different roles, and each role comes with its own set of rules and norms. The sociological part of me says that this discomfort I’m feeling has a lot to do with the breaking down of norms. There is a certain playbook people go by when they lower their barriers, but this circumvents that.
And honestly, maybe I’m just thinking too much into it and all of this is for naught, but it was cathartic writing this all out, even if I had to take two very lengthy breaks to get my thoughts in order.
(just kidding, one of them was to watch Kingdom season 1).
There are so many things I am grateful for, and I fear that in the past week, I have been battling bad vibes and have forgotten how incredibly privileged I am.
So, here is List 16 of The 52 List Project (that my friend made me start legit in 2016 and I'm still on list 17)
List 16: List your Essentials
1. Family & Friends ✔
2. Affirmation & Love ✔
3. Achievement ✔
4. Happiness ✔
5. Hope & Dreams ✔
6. Phone ✔
7. ID/Card holder ✔
8. Plush blankets ✔
9. Stuffed animals ✔ (so many!)
10. Inspiration from a boy on skates ✔
(see: hope & legacy)
11. Good music ✔
(i gotchu fam, here's ur r&b fix)
12. Good books ✔
(go check out a book)
13. Good conversations ✔
14. Thoughts ✔
15. Creativity ✔
16. Music ✔
17. Possibilities ✔
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daechwita
#agust d#min yoongi#bts#suga#bts suga#bangtan#bangtan sonyeondan#bts gifs#btsedit#my gifs#don't you wag your finger at me mister man i'm older than you#i'm just kidding whatever you say gorgeous#i love how he moves so much he's so grandpa coded#even when he's being hardcore lol#our 'scary rapper' yuh huh yup absolutely
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Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Part 7
Namjoon x Reader
Author: Admin Mo
Summary: When your soulmate tattoo shows up, an address, you figure it can’t hurt to send a letter, right?
Warnings: Some swears, soulmate fluff
Word Count: 2.1k
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, Epilogue
Namjoon’s letter arrived a few days after your first video call. You read it with a grin. You’d just got back from your classes. Any minute, your phone would ring with your daily call from Namjoon, as soon as he woke up, which meant you got to hear his husky morning voice and see his beautiful bare face.
The sudden buzzing sent your heart racing, and as quickly as your fingers would allow, you picked up the phone.
“You thought I would hate you for being RM?” You asked without so much as a greeting.
“Well good morning to you, too.” Namjoon chuckled. “Got my letter, huh?”
“You’re dodging the question.”
He let out a sleepy sigh that turned into a yawn. You watched the way it stretched his features, his eyes squeezing shut. God, he was so cute sometimes…
“So maybe I was a little afraid you would hate me. But can you blame me? You’re literally the coolest person on the planet, it’s no wonder you took it in stride. Anyone else...someone who had been an ARMY for a while, maybe…”
“I get it. That’s scary.” You nodded, setting him at ease. You weren’t mad at him for being afraid. You didn’t think you had it in you to be mad at him for that. “But, everything happens for a reason. There’s a reason I didn’t hear about BTS until recently. Thanks for the song recommendations, by the way, you dork.”
“Any time, darling.” He grinned. Your heart took a little leap forward. Until recently, pet names were sort of uncharted territory, they still were. So even this little one made in jest was enough to get your blood pumping. “What are your plans for the day?”
“Not much. I already finished classes, so I’ll probably just spend the rest of the night writing your letter.”
“Time zones…” Namjoon lamented. It did look a little dark outside your window…
“Time zones.” You agreed. “You’re living in the future, Joon. Your today is my tomorrow.”
“That’s deep.” He chuckled. “I sent out your Christmas present the other day. I was hoping you and I could do a video call and open them together once they both come in.”
“That’d be perfect. I sent yours out too, so it should be on the way there, but the US Postal Service is weird, so it might not get to you for a while.”
“I’m patient.”
“Good thing, too, or this whole thing wouldn’t have worked out.” You laughed, and so did he. Even though you had only been in immediate contact for a little while now, you couldn’t imagine going back to a world where you barely knew what he looked like. Now, however, you had an abundance of information about him ready at your fingertips.
“Hyunggggg,” whined a voice beside Namjoon. He continued saying something in Korean that you didn’t understand.
“It’s not my fault you stay up late playing video games.”
Oh, that must have been Namjoon’s roommate, Tae, you figured, upset that Namjoon was up so early making noise.
“Sorry about him. What were you saying?”
“It’s fine, Namjoon. Tell Tae I’m sorry for waking him up.”
“It’s okay, (Y/N)...” Tae mumbled from the next bed over, shifting and turning away from their fearless leader.
“So I’ve been watching all of your old music videos.” You grinned at the way his face paled, eyes widening. “It’s kind of fun watching little teenage Namjoon. You were what, like eighteen when you debuted?”
“Jeez, something like that, yeah. Ugh that’s so embarrassing.”
“You were still fine as hell, though.” Your face scrunched as you thought. “Well, after the mini-afro, maybe.”
Namjoon shook his head, making a noise of disbelief. “I still can’t get over the fact that you actually find me attractive.”
“Okay, but I’m not the only one, though. There are entire Facebook pages dedicated to your dimples. I joined like three of them the other day.”
“That’s ridiculous.” He laughed, showing them off. You swore, you almost swooned at the sight. “I’m really not that attractive.”
“Are you kidding me? You’re kidding me. Namjoon...I don’t know how to express this in words. You are the hottest human being I’ve ever laid my eyes on. When you’re performing, there’s just this leader energy about you and it is so sexy. And then there are those videos of you at fansigns and you are so frickin cute. I don’t even know what to do with you. You’re not allowed to be that cute and that hot simultaneously. It’s not fair.”
By the time you finished, your soulmate resembled a very flustered tomato, covering his eyes with his long fingers. “Stop…”
“Not until you realize how fine you are. I could go on and on about how much I like the way you’ve been parting your hair lately or how gorgeous you always look, even in the mornings like this when you don’t have makeup on and-”
“Okay, okay, I get it. It’s just...hard to believe things like that when it’s a literal goddess telling me.”
“Oh hush. I’m not-”
“You are. You are so, so gorgeous. All I can think about is kissing your perfect lips and running my fingers through your pink hair.” It was your turn to blush. “I seriously…” he huffed. “I really just need you in my life. I need to hold you. Like. Now. I need to hold you now. I think I’m going to die of (Y/N) deficiency at this rate.”
“Cheesy-ass dork.” You snickered, shaking your head.
Someone knocked on Namjoon’s door. When he looked up, Yoongi was coming through. “Breakfast is ready.”
“Thanks, hyung. We’ll be out in a second.” Namjoon told the shortest rapper, who nodded and left as quickly as he’d come. Namjoon looked at you, a longing look in his eyes. “I’ve gotta go, baby. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Have a good...right, it’s not morning there. Have a good night. Text me if anything interesting happens.”
“Will do. Have a good day, Joonie.”
And then you hung up, that familiar warm, yet empty feeling settling over your heart. You clicked your pen a few times, looking over the paper sitting in front of you. Recently, you’d purchased some nicer stationary with little crabs and seashells on them. You had yet to send Namjoon one of them, but you figured the purchase would encourage you to write fewer rough drafts.
You lowered the tip of the pen to the paper and the words started flowing.
***
“Dear Namjoon,
I had a very similar dream to yours. I was wrapped up in one of your sweaters. The sleeves hung past my fingers and I was baking Christmas cookies. And then you walked into the kitchen and I woke up. I’ve been trying to get back to that dream, though. It does, however, make me feel a lot better that it won’t stay a dream forever.
As you can see, I have enclosed a picture of myself from a Christmas party last year, something festive to make my Halloween picture a little less lonely. I expect a picture in return, as agreed upon.
I cannot wait to read your book. Send it whenever you’re ready for me to read it. As soon as I get off for break, I’ll have a bunch of time on my hands to work on it. Do you want edits or just feedback? I can do either. Or both. Whatever floats your boat. Ending books isn’t easy. It’s actually really hard. I think the key is to close the doors that make sense to, and leave the rest open. That way, there’s room for a sequel. It helps to read through everything again and make sure you didn’t leave any storylines hanging.
Also, after reading your letter and talking to you face to face every day since the first time, I can’t believe you were so nervous to tell me who you are. I mean, I can believe it. I get it. It’s tricky. You’re a worldwide superstar, a rising American heartthrob, if you will. I’m just a film student with no idea what she’s going to do with the rest of her life. Meanwhile, you’re filming music videos the likes of which I couldn’t even dream of creating. Spring Day’s MV seriously made me cry. The cinematography in it is so beautiful. The lighting, the colors, the song, your face...it seriously blew me away. Not to mention all of your other MVs.
I also watched some of JK’s Golden Closet Films, and I’d just like to ask: HOW? How does this boi...this BOI with no formal film education churn out something as beautiful as he always seems to? The editing, the skill, I just...wow. If you could ask him for some tips for me, I would be super grateful.
Talk to you soon,
-(Y/N)”
***
“Dear (Y/N),
I don’t think you were baking Christmas cookies in my dream. I don’t really remember all of the details. I’ve been trying to get back to it for the past few weeks, but I can’t seem to, unfortunately. I’ll keep you posted, though.
You should have warned me that you were going to send me the cutest picture on the whole planet. I love your Rudolph sweater. Does the nose light up? Also, is that your natural hair color??? You said you’d never had any crazy colors before pink, but I guess that doesn’t really apply to colors that could be deemed ‘natural’.
I have also attached a picture of myself. It was really hard to find one of me that isn’t already online, so I asked the other members for help and they managed to dig up that one that they had been saving to use for my birthday this year, but forgot. Consider it a sneak peek.
As far as my book-to-be goes, I would love edits and feedback. Really, whatever you think needs to be fixed, I will do it without a second question. After so many NaNoWriMos, you have to be a pro, right? I’ll email it to you. Mine is [email protected].
I think you forget that I’ve seen one of your film projects. I have. And it made my cry uncontrollably. It was beautiful and heart-wrenching and every other emotion I can think of. Though, to be fair, I didn’t have much to do with the production of the video. That would be our director, who has tons of experience in the field. All you need is time and then you’ll be cranking out masterpiece after masterpiece. That Oscar is right around the corner, baby, just you wait.
I asked Jungkook for some tips for you, and he said the key is to just keep playing with things until you like how they look. Play with the colors, the music, the speed, the cropping, whatever you want. Granted, he basically grew up in this industry, so it’s no wonder he’s so good at it.
I can’t believe Christmas is coming up so soon. Your last letter put me in a cookie mood, so if I put on weight because of it, I’m blaming you. Jin’s been trying out some recipes at my suggestion, and they’re all really good. His only request was that I stay the hell away from the kitchen. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m clumsy as fuck and I break and/or burn everything I touch. You have that to look forward to. Sorry jagiya.
Hope to hear from you soon,
-Namjoon”
***
Snow drifted down, covering your little city in white fluff, truly transforming it into a winter wonderland. Namjoon’s latest letter was between your fingers as you read it by the fireplace, a mug of cocoa sitting on the table beside you. At long, long last, you were home for Christmas. He’d told you in your phone call about a week ago that his tattoo had changed, and you’d had a mini heart attack before he read off the new one, only for you to discover it was your home address, where your parents lived.
So, you sat there, as cozy as you had been in a long, long time, wrapped in the softest sweater you owned, a warm blanket draped over your legs. Every once in a while, you would look up and imagine what it would be like to see Namjoon’s tall figure leaning against the doorframe to the den, mistletoe hanging over his head. Everything would be better if he was there, you decided. And yet, because of the miles and miles and miles stretched between you, you’d have to remain separate for at least a little while longer.
Your thoughts were only pulled from your warm thoughts of Namjoon when there was a knock at the door. When you opened it, it was all of your friends standing outside in the snow, wearing the ugliest Christmas sweaters they could find. You let them in with warm hugs and well-wishes.
“Merry Christmas, (Y/N).”
You smiled. “Merry Christmas...”
Tagged: @ffantasylandd, @jooniefluff, @chimchimsauce, @mrs-saeyoung-choi, @theprinceoftheundead, @angyexoxo, @copenhagenspirit, @lovelylittlekittn, @lilgaga98, @iminlovewjjk, @feed-my-geek-soul, @loveandwitch, @recoveringflowerchild, @demonic-meatball, @maddieisaacs, @scissorsandtonfas, @carirosesg, @backtonormalthings, @local-mochi, @faliwi, @spoopyela, @nanie5, @ingenu--e, @undiscovered1personality, @andalos, @calspixie, @filtermono, @fryedshiken, @mikey-girl12, @lilliaflurr, @hypophrenium, @sitkafay, @spiicyari, @andeerwilson
#kpopwonderlandtag#armyofwriters#namjoon#namjoon x reader#namjoon imagine#rm#rm x reader#rm imagine#bts imagines#bts imagine#soulmate au#bts soulmate au#signed sealed delivered
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legacy project: future dreams - bae chaewon’s solo performance. ( & gif source. )
wc: 725, without lyrics & interview.
performing oh my girl’s cupid. < dance practice link for reference, following the true choreography & adjusting to center/highlighted parts for singing lines where it calls for it (e.g following seunghee’s choreo while singing at the side during the first chorus rather than the whole group & mimi alone during the rap)!
outfit.
chaewon’s morale has seen better days. she didn’t expect to be lauded for her skills. her training time is laughable next to some of the others competing in the show, but sitting at the bottom of the pyramid that first day still stung. she’s spent the past couple of weeks attempting to remind herself that the exposure she’ll get from the show will still be good ... if they don’t deem her totally irrelevant. she has to show them something today that will prove she’s better than twelfth place, that she’s worth legacy’s time and money. this is her future, but it’s the company’s too. chaewon decides to perform an old favourite; cupid by oh my girl. it’s really different to adios, but not too far away from bim bam bum.
chaewon’s most comfortable performing a song like this, something more upbeat and playful. she takes her place on the x on the floor and bows to the camera, introducing herself with a cheerful wave. “this is bae chaewon, junior daytime trainee. i’m going to sing and dance for you today, performing cupid by oh my girl.” she’s as happy as can be for someone who’s expecting to see her own ugly crying face on television pretty soon.
the music starts, and chaewon starts to shake her shoulders and step to that familiar opening tune. the first stanza goes as it should, with chaewon shielding her eyes from an imaginary sunbeam and winking to the camera as she straightens out her back.
i see you, a little closer
i hear you, don’t run away
chaewon weighed up for a long time during preparations whether she would perform the move for this part standing up or whether she would sacrifice her vocal stability to drop during the move, and eventually ... she decided to stay upright. after all, that’s how yooa does it, right? by eventually, she’ll go on to explain, she decided it in the moment, and is happy with her decision.
the chorus is a little scary, even after singing it countless times in the last four years since its release. she’s a bit shaky on the first line, thanks to the choreography, but is able to catch her breath for the second, as she steps to center and plays to the camera before going into what she fondly calls the cheer sequence.
hey cupid has shot my heart
turn around now, shot my heart
hey cupid has shot my heart
uh huh, uh huh
hey cupid has shot my heart
turn around now, shot my heart
hey cupid has shot my heart
uh huh, uh huh
chaewon takes this opportunity to take her aegyo to the next level as she shoots imaginary arrows at the camera, smiling big and wide. now that chaewon has settled into the performance, she’s actually able to enjoy it, as she believes people always should when they’re on stage. the next verse and the chorus go as planned, though she’s still not completely stable during the first part of the chorus.
she decided to leave the rap in, despite a lot of deliberation. she’s not the next underground star to break into idoldom by any means, but she is, in her opinion, okay enough to be your next lead idol rapper. she can keep up with the rap easily, knows it like the back of her hand, but this isn’t a time for her to show off any kind of unique flow. chaewon is following the song and emoting as best as she can to the camera, and she thinks she does a decent job, but she’s still glad to transition into the bridge. it’s easy to stand there daintily, looking over her shoulder and giving the camera a dreamy look as she sings.
but then: so be it be in love.
she doesn’t belt it quite like the original, lowering the pitch for her own comfort, making sure she can actually sing it without embarrassing herself. maybe it’ll be a disappointment, maybe they’ll think she’s sensible. either way, she puts her all into the final chorus and cheer sequence.
in the end, chaewon can’t say she isn’t relieved when she juts out her hip and makes a little gun with her fingers, giving the camera a wink on the last beat. she’s still catching her breath as she rights herself. she has a few minutes now before she has to do adios and bimbambum. she’ll change out of her little pink tennis skirt and into a pair of deep red shorts to match the bow in her hair, then the camera will turn back on and she’ll have to settle into another performance.
interview portion:
why did you choose cupid for your solo performance?
“i chose cupid because it’s a song that suits me well! even though it’s different to our main song, adios, i wanted to show a different side of me to the producers and the viewers too. i can be cool on stage, and that’s really fun, but in my real life, i’m definitely not that cool. i wanted to show everyone a look at the personality of bae chaewon.” it’s a plain enough answer, but when chaewon delivers it, she does so with conviction, smiling and nodding, satisfied with herself.
you say it’s a song that suits you well, but you still made an adjustment to the high note. why?
the question makes her stop and think for a moment. are they testing her? do they want her to admit some kind of defeat? she won’t, because she stands by her decision ... she doesn’t have a choice not to now, there’s no way to turn back time. “i wanted to make sure to give my best performance today, and even the best vocalists have to adjust things for live performances, especially when you don’t have a group to back you up. i deliberated over it for a long time during preparations, but i settled on lowering it a little because i ultimately thought it would be better for my performance not to take the risk. i believe cupid’s charm point is its overall energy, and that’s what i wanted to express. like cupid, my charm point is my performance, which my vocals are only one part of. i tried to show you all parts of me today.”
why did you dress up?
“because you have to look good to feel good! my outfits give me energy, and i wanted to look my best for everyone!” chaewon beams as she says this, giving a thumbs up. she’s speaking as candidly as anyone possibly could here. maybe she’ll come across as too naive, too earnest and eager to please - as a foolish try-hard. or maybe she’ll be charming, but honestly? she’s less and less hopeful about that by the day.
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Shawn Mendes // Boundaries Part 12
yoooo im back with a new part!! okay this sounded like im a shitty rapper.. im really losing my shit lately over school but whatever... anyway, enjoy! shower me with your thoughts!
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11
I’m an emotional wreck when I get into the car and Nick greets me with a friendly smile. The silence is comforting, though I miss the country music Shawn used to play every time he was in a good mood.
I’m not a nail biter, but I nibble on them as we are getting closer and closer to Shawn’s place and I’m trying to come up with a plan on how I want to do it. Should I just blurt it out or should I build it up properly like a speech that ends with me telling him that he is going to be a father?
None of the options seem to be right, so after a while I give up and decide to just go with the flow.
When Nick rolls into the garage my nerves are exploding and my hands are shaking when I get out of the car. I take the elevator and I feel like my stomach was left in the garage when the elevator moved up.
The door opens and I walk into the familiar apartment. I hear his singing voice coming from the kitchen even before I could see him and it immediately brings a smile to my lips. I don’t know what I was expecting to see or how I imagined our first meeting after our emotional goodbye, but it feels… normal.
I walk into the kitchen and he looks up at me from the instant soup he is making and a wide smile dances to his beautiful face. He looks just as handsome as I remembered, his hair is now a bit longer, a curl is dancing on his forehead with every movement, but it’s beyond adorable. I have to fight the urge to curl it to my finger.
“Hi!” he greets me and stepping closer he pulls me into a hug, and I feel like I’m finally safe and home.
“Hi,” I whisper against his hoodie as I wrap my arms around his waist. Smelling his scent makes is even harder to peel myself off of him when it’s long over the friendly duration for the hug. “Instant soup, huh?” I ask hoping to make myself forget about the aching pain in my chest that I’m feeling now that he is standing next to me again.
“I don’t have lunch or dinner dates anymore, so I’m more often stuck here alone. And I’m still not a chef,” he chuckles shaking his head.
“Ordering is still an option, you know?”
“I… haven’t been quite in the mood to talk to strangers, not even a delivery guy,” he mumbles anxiously as he puts a spoon into the soup and stirs it. Steam is dancing above the bowl indicating that it’s still pretty hot, so he doesn’t attempt to taste it, just lets it sit on the counter.
I can relate to how he is feeling and I’m surprised he shared this detail with me. I was afraid he would be distant and sullen with me, but his honesty is calming me.
“Do you want a glass of wine or something?” he asks walking over to the fridge. I almost say yes immediately, some alcohol would definitely work for me, but then I realize that I can’t. Because there is a teeny-tiny baby in my stomach now.
“Um, no thank you,” I shake my head and watch him grab a water for both of us.
“So, not that I’m rushing you, but I’m really curious about what you wanted to talk about.”
We make ourselves comfortable on the couch and I feel my anxiety coming over me. I have no idea how to do it, but I can’t just blurt it out. I need time to think.
“I… I’ve been missing you.”
He gives me a doubtful look and I’m afraid he can see through me, but then he doesn’t question if this was my original intention. But I start talking again just to be sure.
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot and I just couldn’t get you off of my mind. I know I was the one who wanted to end everything, but… I guess I can’t do it.”
I feel horrible. I should have told him straight away instead of talking bullshit. Well, okay, it’s not bullshit, it’s true, I’ve been missing him as hell, but this is not why I came here.
He runs his hand through his hair and I think back of the time I used to do this without a second thought. Now I’m sitting next to him with a decent gap between us, so our legs can’t touch.
“I missed you too, Naya. So much. But… what do you want to do? I mean… I’m happy to start seeing you again, but we have to figure this out, how we want to make it work.”
I nod with a blank stare and I don’t know what I can say. If I don’t tell him about the pregnancy test I’m just fucking everything up, making him believe things are turning right and we can start over again, when truth is, everything is about to turn upside down.
For my luck, his phone starts ringing somewhere in his room and he excuses himself rushing into the room to answer the call.
I growl angrily as I reach for my bag and grab the test. I stare at it and can’t help but grimace. What am I doing here? I can’t ruin his life, I was the stupid one who forgot to take the pill, so it’s all my fault. A child would blow up his whole life and I can’t put up with the thought of messing everything up for him. I shouldn’t have come here.
I jump when I realize he is walking out of his room and in my sudden confusion I tug the stick to my coat’s pocket hiding it as I jump to my feet. I have to leave before I fuck something up.
“Where are you going?” he asks with raised eyebrows.
“I-I gotta leave. I’m sorry.” I mumble nervously as I head to the elevator, but he grabs my arm and… and everything happens too fast.
His grip is not too hard, but it’s strong enough to pull my hand out of the pocket and the stick slides out with it as well. It falls to the floor and the clinking makes me jump. I totally freeze right at that moment, giving Shawn the chance to reach for it.
As I watch him pick the test up from the floor I hold my breath and pull my shoulders up, as if I’m afraid he is about to explode. He hold it between his fingers, stares at it for the longest few seconds before his eyes slowly move up to my face. I’m biting my lips, feeling the tears dwelling in my eyes.
Why didn’t I put the damn test back into my bag? Why am I such an idiot?
“Shawn, I-“ I start, but I don’t get to finish, he cuts me off.
“Is this yours?” he asks in a firm voice. I nod.
“I took it this morning. I threw up last night and realized I’ve been late for over a week, so I bought the test and…”
“Did you do it on purpose?” I hear his next question and the words freeze to my tongue.
“What?” I manage to say.
“Did you get pregnant on purpose? Were you planning on it?”
His expressions are hard, he seems mad and it’s scary to see him like this. I didn’t want to upset him and his questions catch me off-guard. I stare at him in disbelief, but it soon turns into anger. How can he think I did this on purpose?
“Sure, I thought it would be fun to mess up my and your life as well!” I snap back angrily. “Of course I didn’t! I forgot to take the damn pills!” I growl as I snatch the test from his hand. Now I’m raging and I’m offended by the accusation.
“You told me not to worry about it! And yet, you have a positive pregnancy test in your bag now!” he retorts just making it even worse.
“I’m sorry, I was too busy trying not to fall apart! I’m sorry I’m human! But if you think I did this on purpose then I’m leaving now. It was a mistake to come here.”
I turn around furiously, but he grabs my arm again holding me back. When I turn back to him his face is completely changed. He doesn’t seem mad anymore, more like… desperate.
“Hey, hey, hey. I’m sorry! I didn’t… I just- I’m in shock, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“And you think I’m not shocked?” I scoff in disbelief. “This morning I found out that I’m pregnant, I came here to find comfort and maybe to find out what we should do now, and then you accuse me of doing it on purpose!” Tears are running down on my cheeks and though I try to push him away, he pulls me to him and closes his arms around me no matter how badly I’m trying to get away from him. “I’m so fucking shook, I’m terrified and I really thought seeing you would make me feel better, but I’m still so afraid.”
Now I’m full on crying, I’m sobbing into his shirt but he doesn’t seem to care. His strong arms hold me tight to his body and I just want to stay like this forever. He is stroking my hair gently, soothing me without letting go of me. I’m glad he is holding me because my knees feel like jelly.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I wasn’t thinking. It’s okay baby,” he whispers into my hair pressing a kiss to my temple.
“I’m sorry for raging so bad. I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster in the last 24 hours,” I mumble wiping my tears off of my face, but I know my eyes has already swelled and as red as a tomato.
“It’s fine. Come on, let’s sit down and talk, okay?”
I nod my head and he pulls me back to the couch. He gently takes my coat off and sitting down he pulls me close, circling an arm around my shoulders. His body’s heat is attracting me like I’m a bug and he is the only light in the room. I cuddle to his side and enjoy the momentary silence as I slowly realize I’m somehow relieved. The secret is out, he knows about the test, now we can focus on figuring out everything else.
“I’m sorry about the pill. I should have been more careful, it’s my fault,” I mumble and looking up at him I my gaze meets his soft eyes. All the anger and doubt is gone by now, I have my soft Shawn back, thanks God.
“Don’t say that. I should have been more persistent about using a condom too. We are in this together. But we really have to figure out the next step.”
“The next step is that I have a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow. These test are pretty reliable, but I need to see a professional as well.”
“Cancel the appointment, I’ll get you one in a private hospital. They are very trustworthy and we can sneak in without getting noticed.”
I don’t protest, I’m more than happy to keep it a secret for as long as possible. The last thing I need is to get recognized as I’m going to the gynecologist with Shawn.
“And we have to tell at least Andrew. He would kill me if something got out without him knowing about it.”
“He is going to hate me for life,” I sigh sadly, shutting my eyes closed. He runs his hand up and down my arm soothingly.
“Hey, don’t worry. Andrew is a smart guy, he doesn’t hold a grudge for nothing. And as I said, I was there too when…” His other hand gently slips under my sweater to my stomach. “When this baby thing happened. You remember?”
His playful smile calms me a bit. I’m suddenly very aware of his warm palm on my stomach and it’s so strange, to think about the tiny baby in my stomach.
“Shawn?” I speak up after a few silent moments.
“Hm?”
“I’m scared.” My voice is just a dying whisper and the damn tears are flowing again from my eyes, I can’t help it. Startled from my sudden mood change he sits straight up so he can look into my eyes, he cups my face in his hands and runs hid thumbs across my cheeks.
“Don’t be. It’s going to be alright. I’m not letting you do this alone, okay?” I nod my head sniffing like a little child. “I know it’s very sudden and scary, but you are not alone. I’m here and we are in this together.”
Now I’m crying because he is the sweetest person alive. His kind and soothing words comfort me like nothing on the world and even though this is a shitty situation I’m still happy I get to do this with him.
“I just… Don’t feel like I’m ready for this,” I choke out shaking my head.
“You will be ready for this when the time comes. I know we can make this work, okay? Just… don’t give up. We have someone else to think about now,” he lets out a small chuckle making me laugh through my tears.
Thanks to the emotional shock we both went through we doze out on the couch soon. When I open my eyes it’s already dark outside, meaning I spent almost half of the day napping with Shawn on his couch. His arms are hugging me protectively as he is spooning me from behind. I don’t want to wake him up, but one, I really have to pee and two, it’s time for me to leave, I don’t intend to spend the night here. Our situation doesn’t mean we are back on track.
I successfully peel myself out of his grip and make it to the bathroom. After quickly taking care of my business I check on him, he is still sleeping, now hugging a pillow to his chest. I take a moment to admire how peaceful he looks right now. No drama, no worries, just his angelic face that I still love so dearly.
As I feel myself getting emotional I turn away and grabbing my stuff I leave. I don’t call for Nick, I get a cab and head home.
I guess my message is clear to Shawn, he doesn’t call me that day. In the morning he texts me that he is picking me up at the café to go to the clinic and he also lets me know we are having a meeting with Andrew and Justin later, though I have no idea who Justin is. Definitely not Bieber.
Elisa is not home when I wake up, I’m thankful I don’t have to face her, she knows me too damn well and I know it would take one look and she would know something is off. I need more time to figure things out.
I have a beanie on and my scarf is covering half my face so I’m not recognizable. From my previous month spent with Shawn I expect him to be distant and moody after I left without a word yesterday, but I guess the situation is different now. I’m welcomed with a bright smile as I sit into the car.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asks me kindly.
“Um, fine. I was a bit nauseous in the morning, but I’m better,” I sigh tiredly. I leave out the part where I spent ten minutes kneeling next to the toilet because I was pretty close to throwing up. “Who is this Justin we are meeting later?” I ask.
“Justin Stirling. He is in my team, he has been doing a lot of marketing stuff for me lately, but he was busy with family stuff last month.”
I nod my head noting the information. The rest of the car ride is spent in silence. I feel so strange, before this whole pregnancy drama Shawn was always the dominant one, especially because he was kind of my boss. But now he looks so lost and confused, my news yesterday must have thrown him over the edge. He is looking out for my every mood and it’s starting to make me feel uncomfortable.
We make it into the clinic without anyone noticing us. This is definitely not how I imagined my first trip to the doctor when I become pregnant. It’s far from idyllic, I’m nervous, my hands are shaking so I hide them in my pocket, Shawn is like a jumpy kid, looking out for everything around us.
“Hello, I’m Dr. Hosier, please, come in,” the doctor greets us. She is a lovely middle-aged woman with a warm smile which is quite calming. We follow her into the room and while I sit up on the white bed Shawn takes place next to me. “So tell me, what do we know so far?” she asks as she is getting ready for my examination.
“Um, I’ve been late for about nine days now, in the past two days I’ve been feeling nauseous and I threw up once. I took a test and it came out positive.” I’m nervous to talk about it with Shawn right next to me, but I try not to think about it.
“Okay. Any pain maybe in the lower stomach?”
“No,” I shake my head.
Soon my pants and underwear comes off and I sit with my legs up while Dr. Hosier is facing my lower half. She keeps asking me questions, I just stare up at the ceiling and answer them like a robot. Shawn looks tensed as he is looking at the doctor.
“I’m going to do an ultrasound quickly,” she informs me she helps me put my legs down. I’m trying to breathe evenly as she pours some jelly on my stomach and starts roaming it with that… something. I don’t even know what these things are, this is how unprepared I am!
All three of us is staring at the screen that is filled with black and white void, I don’t see anything, but the Dr. Hosier freezes the picture and puts a circle around a teeny-tiny dot in the lower part of the image.
“Well, I have news. You are in fact pregnant, Miss Duvall and that little dot is the baby.”
I guess she can sense how unwelcomed the situation is, so she keeps her congrats to herself. She quickly tells me that we need to reserve another appointment soon, she talks about vitamins and useful information while I wipe my stomach clean and get dressed.
“Here, this is for you,” she tells me handing me an envelope. Opening it I see two copies of the ultrasound picture. I just thank her quietly wanting nothing more than to just finally leave the clinic. It is official now, I’m pregnant.
The realization hits me hard across my face as we walk out of the room and head to the car. Neither of us is talking, I’m scared, mad and desperate about the situation and I’m pretty deep in my thoughts when Shawn takes my hand and stops me before I could walk out of the building.
“Naya, let’s… talk for a minute, okay?”
I just nod my head as we sit down in two seats in the corner. No one is batting an eye at us fortunately.
“I, uh- I just wanted to tell you that… I know it’s scary and everything, and Andrew will probably explode when we tell him, but… I’m totally in.”
“In what?” I ask confused.
“In this. In us, in investing in this pregnancy. I want to be part of it, no matter how crazy things will get. And I guess I’m not saying anything new if I say I want us to… continue from where we were before things went downhill.”
“Things didn’t go downhill, our work came to its end and I did the logical thing.”
“But this is not work anymore. I want to give us a chance.”
I stare at him with mixed emotions. I don’t know what I want, I need time to figure out my next step. I have so much to worry about now that my feelings for Shawn must come second… or third…
I’m more worried about what Andrew will say, how I’m going to work and what will people think if it ever gets out.
“I need time. It’s just too messy for me now. I’m sorry, but… I need to figure everything out.”
I can tell my answer doesn’t satisfy him, but he doesn’t protest. Pressing his lips together he nods shortly before we continue our way out of the clinic.
I’m shitting my pants when we reach the office complex where we are supposed to meet Andrew and Justin. I have no idea what to expect, but I’m sure it won’t be too pretty. Shawn tries to calm me telling me that it will be alright, but I know we are in trouble.
Shawn knocks on the door that has Andrew’s name on it and when we get the approval he opens the door.
“Ah, hey! I didn’t know you would be here too,” he immediately says when he sees me, confusion all over his face as he shakes hands with Shawn shooting him a questioning look. But he just ignores it and turns to the other guy in the room.
“Hey man, this is…” he starts gesturing at me, but he is not sure which name to use, so I step ahead and hold a hand out for Justin.
“I’m Naya. Hi.”
This is already over the work relationship I formed previously, my real name is justifiable. I see Andrew’s surprised face from the corner of my eyes and I know he is a smart guy, he must be putting the picture together slowly. But I bet he has no idea about the bomb we are about to drop onto him.
“Hey, Justin. Nice to meet you,” Stirling shakes my hand and soon we all take our places. Andrew is behind the desk, Justin is leaning against the bookshelf in the corner while Shawn and I are sitting in front of them.
“So, what is this meeting about?” Andrew questions. I turn to Shawn and he is already opening his mouth to answer.
“I have something to tell you, but I hope you won’t get mad. I just want you to listen to me.” Andrew nods and Shawn continues. “So… During the one month Naya and I kinda got cozy, if you know what I mean. In the last two weeks things escalated quickly, so it all took a romantic turn. But, um, w-we ended it when the month was over,” he adds and I’m staring at Andrew, trying to read his expressions, but I can’t. He is like a statue.
“Okay, go on, what is the problem?” he asks leaning back in his seat, but I have a feeling he already figured it out, because when he looks at me I can feel his eyes burning into my skin.
“We made a very reckless and immature mistake by… Um, we- we didn’t…” Shawn’s stuttering is getting under my skin, so I take a deep breath and just blurt it out.
“We didn’t use protection and I’m pregnant.”
The room falls silent, Andrew is staring at me, Shawn is staring at Andrew, Justin is staring at Shawn and I’m staring at the floor. The words felt heavy in my mouth and I’m afraid my heart is about to jump out of my chest.
After what feels like eternity, Andrew takes his glasses off pinching the bridge of his nose as he takes a few deep breaths. Once he places the glasses back he leans on the desk and finally speaks.
“Have you been to a doctor or you just did a test?” he asks in a calm, but distant tone.
“We went to the clinic together today. I was there, it’s one hundred percent,” Shawn answers for me.
“How many weeks are you?”
“It’s the fourth,” I mumble ashamed. Andrew’s questions are prim and strict, it all feels like an interrogation.
I look at Justin for the first time since Shawn started talking and his face looks blank, but I can tell his thoughts are racing, trying to figure out what to do with the situation.
“Okay, and what do you want?”
I furrow my eyebrows confused.
“What I want? I don’t understand it…”
“What do you want?” He repeats. “Money? Followers? A job? What do you want?”
“I don’t wa- You think I did this to get stuff from you or Shawn?” I ask realizing what this is about. Shawn’s first reaction was almost the same and now I’m definitely hurt. I never made them believe I’m a scheming bitch, why does everyone think I’m using them?
“Of course the thought crosses my mind, otherwise, how could you be so reckless to have unsafe sex?” he asks as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, but it’s just making my blood boil.
“Andrew, it’s not-“ Shawn starts, but I cut him off.
“How dare you accuse me of being such a horrible person? You know nothing about me! Just because I work as an escort doesn’t mean I have such low life choices as getting myself knocked up by a client! You know what? It was a mistake to come here.” I grab my bag and throwing it on my shoulder I stand up, ready to leave. Everyone moves with me, Andrew and Shawn jump up and Justin takes a step towards me, all three of them to stop me, but the intentions are not the same. While Shawn wants me to stay because he cares about me, Andrew is just afraid is I slip out the door he can’t control the news anymore.
Shawn grabs my wrist and gently pulls me closer to him.
“Please don’t go, let’s talk.”
“You are not leaving without a confidentiality contract, no way you are walking out just like that,” Andrew growls and it’s just making it worse.
“You’re not making me do anything. I don’t need anything from you,” I spat at him and Shawn stands between us, as if he is afraid we would start a fist fight.
“Let’s calm down and talk, okay? Please!” he pleads, but behind him Andrew doesn’t seem too committed.
“I can’t deal with him if he is treating me like a bitch,” I say in a low voice, but the room is small, so everyone can hear it. Though I don’t care.
“Andrew, would you calm down? It was all an accident, she is not trying to ruin me,” he tells his manager turning to face him, but he is still holding my wrist.
I can tell Andrew is boiling inside, holding himself back not to throw the desk at me, and we are staring at each other like two hungry lions over the last piece of meat. Poor Shawn is standing in the middle, hoping he won’t have to pull us out of a fight anytime soon.
Then he takes a deep breath and nods.
“I’m sorry, but this was… quite shocking. I wasn’t expecting this.”
“I get it, it was a shocker for everyone, but let’s just talk about it, okay?” Shawn offers and I’m too tired and emotionally drained out to start a fight, so I nod my head agreeing.
We manage to sit back to our previous places and Justin stands right behind Andrew as we try to start it over again without the accusations and drama.
“I’m sorry for reacting so harshly,” Andrew starts, obviously thinking through his choice of words. “I’m just shocked, but of course, I don’t think you are trying to use Shawn. So… Let’s figure out what to do,” he offers and we all nod agreeing. “Was abortion ever an option?”
“No,” Shawn and I answer at the same time even though we never discussed it. Despite the difficulties of the situation I wouldn’t be able to abort this baby, it’s just impossible for me and I guess Shawn thinks the same way.
“Alright, then we need a strategy,” Andrew tells a bit more like to himself than to us as he is staring down at his desk. “Um… Are you guys…”
“Are you guys together now?” Justin asks speaking up for the first time in a while.
I see Shawn turning to me from the corner of my eyes, and his gaze is burning my temple as he is staring at me.
“It’s… it’s undefined. I have to figure a lot of stuff out.” I say feeling a bit guilty under their examining looks.
“But this is all joint now. Your decisions effect our work as well, I’m sorry, but you can’t just run free. Obviously, Shawn wants to take part in the baby’s life, so we have to work together. What stuff do you need to figure out?”
I feel awkward and anxious as I realize that he is right. I have to worry about myself, the baby and also consider Shawn as a third party, because he has the right to take part in this journey. I owe him honesty.
“I-I have to think about work, I need to talk to Joshua, because as soon as it gets visible I can’t work. But then I need money, because…” I don’t finish the sentence, I’m not ready to share my giant debts with them and listen to their pity. No way.
“Naya, I can support you financially. Let me help you out!” Shawn sighs obviously being over my shit, but I’m just too stubborn.
“No. That’s your money. I have my own problems to solve,” I protest.
“But I told you, we are in this together! I won’t just watch you struggle.”
“I can’t ask you to do me such a huge favor,” I shake my head staring down at my hands. I’m ashamed to admit how much debt I have to pay for every month.
“You’re not asking, I’m offering it.”
“Shawn stop!” I snap at him as I feel myself getting emotional again. “You have no idea how deep I’m in this shit! I inherited 1.2 million dollars of debts after my mom disappeared and left my number to everyone she was owing to, so now I’m paying thousands of dollars every month, because if I don’t, I might end up dead in a dumpster!”
My outburst is followed by total silence and my eyes are tearing up pretty quick. I didn’t mean to say it out loud, I never want people to know how much I struggle because of my own mother. She was a failure, never had a decent job so he paid for her debts by asking for more money from different people. Living this lifestyle for almost ten years can send you down the spiral, and when she disappeared after I moved out from her she left 1.2 million dollars worth of debt, forcing me to start working as an escort since this was the only job that offered me enough money each month to cover everything. I’ve paid back about half of the money by now, but I’m still coughing the rest every damn month. I was once late with paying, the next day two not too friendly guys showed up at my apartment and taught me a lesson with their fists. I never want to experience that. I scared the shit out of Elisa when she saw my black-eye.
“Can we… Can we have this conversation sometime later? I’m really not feeling good,” I say after a long time. I guess I shocked everyone with my outburst, they are all speechless. Shawn is the first one to recover after the scene.
“Um, Andrew how about we all have lunch tomorrow and talk about this? I think we all need some time to adjust the situation.”
I thank God for this offer, because I’m nauseous and anxious to sit here and talk about the future that involves a baby in my belly.
“It’s a great idea. Let’s just think about everything and come prepared the next time,” Justin nods agreeing and Andrew seems to be on the same page as well.
I put on my coat and keeping my gaze down I leave the office while Shawn exchanges a few words. I stop at the hallway waiting for him, chewing on my bottom lip I’m on the verge of crying once again. A few minutes later Shawn appears and seeing my long face he wraps an arm around my shoulders pulling me to his chest and this is exactly what I need right now.
“How about we get some takeaway, go to my place, eat and… just chill. Hm?” He offers mumbling into my hair, running his hands up and down my arms soothingly. I just nod my head, I’m too weak and stressed to talk and though I know I shouldn’t be getting closer to him, I just can’t resist. I need his presence, I want him to tell me it’s going to be okay, I just need somebody.
No.
I need him.
-
I AM SHOOK ARE YOU SHOOK LETS ALL BE SHOOK
no im just kidding I WROTE IT hahaha okay im done here bye
taglist: @damnigotadime @jrock-1987 @dacutiehart @ricchhelle @shar-is-my-name @hollandechart
#shawn mendes#shawn#mendes#shawn mendes imagines#Shawn Mendes Imagine#shawn mendes fanfic#shawn mendes fanfiction#shawn mendes fic#shawn mendes fanfics#shawn mendes fanfictions#shawn mendes x reader#magcon#mendes army#boundaries#boundaries series
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mgas episode three; 2011 classics team a performance, tonight by bigstar
wait... he made it again?
hearing the names called one after the other, so many eliminations, junmyeon was almost certain his name would be called. when it wasn’t, he was shocked. he wasn’t thinking about all the screen time he was getting, or how he’s only showed his charms and his vocals so far, no dancing really, which was his weakness. maybe he was better at this than he thought? come to think of it, he had made katie lee smile earlier before performing his song. if he could make the ceo of kt entertainment smile, then he must be doing something right.
the mission for the next episode is announced, and now he knows his studies are going to suffer if he wants to do well on this show. maybe he should drop a class... ah, he shouldn’t be so presumptuous. he could manage it. it was only a week, and then they’d be performing. in front of an audience. together. as complete strangers. holy crap. that was an incredibly scary thought. he could do it though, he had made it this far, performed in front of other auditioners and a panel of judges, had asked dahye out and she had said yes, had performed in front of the five ceos and made katie lee smile. if he could do all of that, then he could do this too.
he rose from his seat once they were allowed to and went to find his teammates. team a, how fitting for the guy getting the biggest chunk of screen time. all the bad jokes were playing through his head as he found his teammates. once assembled, he looked around, and noticed they were the only mono-gendered team out of everyone. this was an advantage, right? it’d be easier to find a song to do this way.
“hi! i’m junmyeon, call me sparkles dude~” all of his friends were starting to call him that thanks to the editing from the first episode where they focused on his visuals. it was his charm, he supposed. once introductions were made and schedules configured, they parted ways, and soon enough they were all reassembled at the sphere building.
wow... so this was where sehun practiced all the time, huh? it was really cool, and kind of surreal, being inside an actual entertainment company building. this could be his future one day. walking these halls, practicing in these rooms... how crazy would that be? he could barely process an idea like that. one step at a time junmyeon, get through this show you somehow became popular on...
“hey guys! team a, assemble!” he clapped above his head, trying to make an avengers joke, but he was pretty sure it flopped, and he ended up sheepishly laughing at himself before joining the others. after some discussion it was revealed that the only person entered as a singer in there group was junmyeon himself. did that mean he was... the main vocal? WHAT? how did this happen!?! three rappers and two vocalists (thank god juyeon sang too), and somehow junmyeon was one of the two vocalists, which meant lines upon lines. ho boy... that was a lot of pressure. focus junmyeon, you can do this, just work hard at it.
“we should do a song that has a lot of rapping then, right? and maybe something with simpler choreography...” junmyeon didn’t want to outright admit it, but his dancing was lacking, and would be quite the obstacle to overcome. turns out he wasn’t the only one in the group with dancing skills that lacked, and it lead to jonghyun not only becoming their leader (yay jonghyun!) but also teaching a dance class for them to get a grasp on the basics. it was really helpful, and junmyeon couldn’t have been more grateful for the help, doing his best to be encouraging for jonghyun who did seem a little on the quieter side. he was exhibiting good leadership, so he should be encouraged and supported!
their song was selected, tonight by bigstar. junmyeon felt a bit better about having a lot of singing parts now, since the vocal parts in this song weren’t extremely difficult, and his softer toned voice suited the song. it gave him a bit of a confidence boost, so when it came to practicing the choreography, he was able to really focus on it and hammer it down until it was to an acceptable level. but of course... that took a very long time. he was surprised that they were all staying so late to practice this as much as possible. they really were a team, weren’t they? helping each other as much as possible so they could put on a good performance. heck, junmyeon even helped juyeon with the vocals a little bit, which was kind of crazy to him. he had never helped someone with singing before, heck he felt like he needed the help with singing. it was nice though, working on a team with other people who wanted this as much as he did, to perform well and to help each other do that. maybe there really was something to this whole idol thing, and this show was more than just a means to an end of becoming an actor. maybe a part of him really did want to be an idol.
the week was a little grueling, with all of this practice, but every time he glanced in the mirror there was one of his teammates there, and he couldn’t help but smile in spite of them. when performance day rolled around, junmyeon was feeling a different brand of nervousness. now people were depending on him with this performance, so if he messed up, it reflected on four other people, not just him. he had people counting on him now, which was a whole other kind of pressure to be facing with.
so... he did what he knew best, and went around on the day of the performance checking everyone’s appearances and making sure all four of his teammates looked perfect. “team little star, we’re a team of beautiful men, we’re going to shine prettily~” he cupped taehyung’s cheeks before looking to a camera, posing with a soft smile. “look at how pretty our taehyung is, he just needs to stand on that stage and people will love him.” a bashful laugh escaped him at his own commentary, he was just trying to be supportive and encouraging. this continued as he spoke to the camera about each of his team members while in the waiting area for their performance just off stage. “our leader, jonghyun, has done a good job taking care of us. he’s the north star in our group of little stars, leading us on the path we have taken together. guanlin has worked hard, he shows a lot of promise as a performer, and juyeon is our skilled dancer, please look forward to his performance.” he gives the camera a thumbs up before heading out on stage.
the group introduces themselves, “twinkle twinkle little star! hello, we are little star!” it was a cute introduction, which was a little unexpected what with their song choice and all. after the intro was when the nerves really sunk in. it was time to perform, and for the first time junmyeon was going to be part of a group performing a song onstage, as if they were actually idols. this whole this was just so crazy to him, he felt like he was in a dream.
[ song , line distribution ]
the beginning was okay, since the choreography was simple enough and there weren’t any vocal parts for a while. for that first chunk, he was able to just focus on the choreography and do his best to support the other members as he performed. when the chorus finally hit, it was fight or flight, time seemingly slowing down as juyeon sang his part. then came the tonights that were sung together, and finally, junmyeon’s first solo part. he... actually sounded pretty good. his voice suited the part. he sort of nailed it. it was a new confidence boost, which would carry him through the rest of the performance.
the second verse began, with juyeon’s part, and soon it was junmyeon’s part, which was a more difficult vocal line. he tackled it with more confidence, focusing on his expressions now as well, singing right out to the audience. from there, the most nerve-wrecking thing were the riffing lines over the last chorus he had to sing. he tried to remember what wendy had been teaching him; use your diaphragm, take breaths, support the high notes. as long as he remembered wendy’s teachings (since she was drilling him like a soldier) he should be fine, and the notes came out nicely. his voice wasn’t as powerful as sunghak’s voice was, but he managed to sing the parts well enough that it wasn’t a mess up or anything bad.
and finally, the part he had been waiting for, the ending, where a round of voting and attempting the last pose had been done among the groups members prior to the performance, during practice. the ending consisted of the action of blowing a kiss, which was right up junmyeon’s alley. as jonghyun rapped the last little bit, junmyeon looked out to the camera, bringing his two fingers to his lips and blowing the kiss, maintaining an intense gaze as the camera panned over them.
he did it... he actually did it...
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[TRANS] [Interview with male friend] NCT Taeyong “SM street casting and striving to become a “soobagsang”!
Today, we share a truthful story of Taeyong that you have not heard before.
- The concept of this interview was having a casual talk with a friend -
[Interview with male friend Part 1] NCT Taeyong “SM street casting and striving to become a “soobagsang”.
Q: Taeyong! Do you usually enjoy cooking?
A: I used to cook a lot but I don’t do it frequently anymore since we switched dorms.
Q: You suddenly went “euheuheu” (laughing) when you were cooking just now.
A I was trying to break the awkward atmosphere. I was just making a toast so I wondered why everyone was staring at me (euheuheu)
Q: Have you always been shy around strangers?
A: I’m extremely shy. So even when people approach me to become friends, I can’t get close to them. I have a pretty strong image, so people don’t approach me easily either. Actually, to be honest, my emotions have a lot of ups and downs. One moment I’m non-stop chattering but when something comes to mind, I can suddenly just fall silent.
Q: However, isn’t Taeyongi’s strong gaze his charming point?
A: Sometimes, my gaze can be pretty scary. Not nowadays, but when I used to look in the mirror of the practice room I couldn’t even look at myself. My gaze was too strong.
Q: Isn’t because your eyes are dazzling (laughs). You yourself know that you are handsome, right?
A: It seems like most people are attracted to somebody who has an opposite face from themselves though. I don’t really like my face shape and my gaze is too scary. I even had staring contests with myself in the mirror to overcome that. I think a person’s thoughts reflect on a person’s eyes, so when I was a trainee, I thought “NCT will definitely debut” and had that strong/venomous gaze. But now, I get to be more relaxed and my gaze has become a lot softer.
Q: You are a typical “Watermelon face (soobagsang)”. You can have pride in that..
(t/n: it’s a slang made by netizens, it means “a face that would make Lee Sooman clap his hands”, but it can directly be translated to “watermelon face”. Taeyong doesn’t know this slang and mistakes it for “watermelon prize” instead of “watermelon face” since they are similarly pronounced.)
A: Watermelon face/prize (soobagsang)?
Q: A face/prize that would make SM’s Lee Sooman clap his hands.
A: I didn’t know that word. I am a watermelon face/prize? But since you brought up teacher Lee Sooman, I suddenly thought of a story I remember. After the SMTOWN concert in Tokyo was over, we had a company dinner and I felt quite intimidated being around many artists. Teacher Lee Sooman said at that time “A-ah, it’s been hard on you right?”. As soon as I heard those words, I felt like a new bond was formed between us. I was so moved that I cried my eyes out in the SMTown Tokyo bathroom stalls. I felt like he had been watching me going through everything. But I’m not a watermelon face/prize yet. I will work harder so that teacher Lee Sooman can happily clap his hands for me.
Q: Huh? “Watermelon face” actually refers to the unique visuals SM likes, but you added a new interpretation to the phrase. Let’s work hard so you can actually receive an applause!
A: Ah, that’s what it means (laughs). I not only want him to clap for my outer appearance, I want him to clap for my inner growth too.
Q: How did you get into SM Entertainment?
A: I entered through a street casting.
Q: Have you dreamed of becoming a singer since you were a child?
A: I was just someone who liked K-Pop, and I did not know exactly which artists belonged to which agency. Frankly, when I was casted on the street, I thought SM was one of the big three like KBS, SBS and MBC.
Q: So you were like a blank paper. From what age did you start the trainee-life?
A: From when I was 18 years old. Compared to the average age, I started a little late. Back then, I was in a blank state. Should I say I was detached from the usual life. My parents cared a lot for me because I’m the youngest. My sister and I have a seven years age difference.
Q: You must have been pampered since you are the youngest. Still, your parents allowed you to follow this path?
A: My parents actively supported me. Even so, when I had to move in the dorms they asked me “can you not go?” but I later received a scolding from the dorm-manager for this.
Q: So, living in the dorms was your first experience of being independent?
A: Yes. As expected, I was also a little scared of the dorm life. But now, the dorms are more comfortable than my family house and the practice room is more familiar.
Q: Every time I see you on stage I realize that you are really good at dancing. How were your skills when you first started?
A: I really wasn’t good. The hyung who taught me how to dance even told the company representative “I don’t think this kid can do it”.
Q: I see it was rather your hard work than your natural talent. Did you ever receive casting offers from other agencies when you were a trainee?
A: When I walked around Apgujeong I was asked if I was already with a company. Also, back then when Cyworld was still popular, I uploaded a picture and received a message that said “come join, I’m debuting a group”. It was scary (laughs).
Q: What if you were never casted on the street and never became a singer?
A: I would have felt sorry towards my parents because I didn’t really have anything else I knew how to do. When I became a trainee, they were very happy. If I did not follow this path, our household would not have become better. Every household has their difficulties. But everyone was happy when I became a singer.
[Interview with male friend Part 2] NCT Taeyong “Yunho sunbaenim monitored NCT while he was in the army”.
Q: It’s good to hear that you got happier when you became a dinger~ But, how did you become NCT’s leader while you were the youngest (at that time)?
A: When I first entered the company, I was the youngest. I was streetcasted, so there wasn’t anyone who also started at the same time as me. However somehow, I became the sunbae. From then on, I started realizing things and that got me really fired/powered up.
Q: What things do you realize?
A: The realization that it won’t turn out well if I don’t work hard and that I should lead my hoobaes well. I was under a lot of pressure. Just to get recognition, I practiced so much till the ground was swaying. So, at first, I was really strict towards the hoobaes. It’s a memory I can confidently recall.
Q: It seems like you are a strict leader.
A: Yes. The NCT members may still resent me for it. Through NCT, I started my first experience as a leader. I would probably really hate it if I had a leader like myself. It’s something I also tell the members and then they make fun of me and say “Yes, that’s right” (laughs).
Q: Through NCT, you promote through various acts: NCT127, NCT DREAM and NCT U. Was it difficult to understand that system at first?
A: I definitely understood the group system. However, not only me, the members have these concerns too. As a team.. you would want to stay as one. But, I don’t want to seem anxious in front of the members so I tell them “Let’s not mind the other teams. We are 127 and let’s just only look at our direction”.
Q: That’s right. 127, DREAM and U, they are all NCT. It seems like you have a lot of burdens as a leader.
A: There is a certain amount of burden. I always strive to build trust with my members. Of course, we are colleagues and teammates before I’m the leader so it would be nice if everyone can happily walk this path together.
Q: NCT is slightly different from the SM’s usual music style.
A: It does have this new vibe to it since it’s from SM, right. In our team, there’s Mark and me who are rappers. There are still things we need to learn, but we’re working on trying to find a way to make the rap look more stylish and stand out.
Q: What kind of content is there in your rap lyrics notebook?
A: I wrote about a lot of stories from the past, but weirdly, the lyrics are very depressing. Nowadays I have changed the topic the stories of the present.
Q: Are there any diss raps that would be difficult to release through NCT?
A: Of course there are. I too, sometimes want to write strong rap lyrics. There are also profanities. It’s fun to write about this and that. No matter, NCT has members who are still minors so you will have to adjust the level of the lyrics.
Q: In the future, I want to listen to a strong solo rap song by you~ The performances of your team are usually very strong too. Isn’t it tiring?
A: When I perform on the stage, my body aches not the next day, but actually on that day. (ㅜㅜ) I can’t control my strength, that’s what could make my body hurt. Even when you dance, you should control yourself.
Q: Do you have an artist you want to resemble performance-wise?
A: I really like Rain sunbaenim. I still look up his videos. In SM, I want to resemble the performances of DBSK’s sunbaenims. I heard they had a 2.5 hour rehearsal for a fanmeeting. There are many reasons to respect them.
Q: I can imagine that you communicated with your sunbaes since you were a SMROOKIE. Are there any memorable events?
A: Since SMROOKIES, DBSK Yunho sunbaenim has showed a lot of interest in us and gave us a lot of advice. Even when he was in the army, he monitored NCT. He really knows everything in detail. It’s really touching.
Q: Of course! A reliable sunbae!
A: Yes. He always takes care of us and teaches us earnestly. Also Super Junior Yesung hyung and Heechul hyung. Especially, Heechul hyung, I play games with him. He recently gave me a really great computer as a present.
Q: So you can play better?
A: Can I say it’s as a gaming computer? LED light comes out of the mouse and keyboard. It must have been very expensive so I really want to thank him for it
Q: What games do you enjoy?
A: Overwatch or LOL (League of Legends)… I play almost everything that is popular these days. Still, I play games that require teamwork. So it can also help in NCT’s teamwork (laughs).
Q: You must be good at gaming.
A: I can proudly say that I’m in the upper middle class.
[Interview with male friend Part 3] NCT Taeyong “I don’t even have one female friend, it’s not the time to be dating”
Q: You release stress through playing game!
A: Yes. I release my stress by gaming or by tidying up. When I’m cleaning up, it also feels like my head is getting tidied. Living in dorms suits me pretty well. I’m normally the cleaner type of person.
Q: I personally relieve my stress in the karaoke bar. Perhaps, do you not like the karaoke bar?
A: I think it’s been like 5 years since I went to a karaoke bar.
Q: What about alcohol? How much can you drink?
A: Half glass of wine is enough for me to feel tipsy~~ I get drunk easily. Alcohol doesn’t suit me.
Q: We’ve been listening to you the whole time now.. when will you date?
A: Really, I have not had any dating experiences during my school days. The members even make fun of me for it.
Q: Really? It is possible to have no interest in dating yet. However, I think you must have been famous around for being ‘shinlim-dong’s handsome guy’ during your school days. (t/n: shinlimdong was his neighborhood)
A: That never happened. (laughs) I went to an all-boys school before I transferred to SOPA. At that time, I was not interested in the opposite sex, and rather felt more comfortable with the guys? Since I could fool around with them. Anyways, there’s no such thing as being ‘shinlim-dong’s handsome guy.’
Q: So you must be shy about your appearance! But still, isn’t your fashion style that of a handsome boy?
A: I like the comfortable style. Actually, I just came out of the house wearing a t-shirt today.
Q: What kind of style do you like recently?
A: Recently, I really like the clothes the stylists make me wear.
Q: But didn’t NCT have a controversy about outfits that are out of season? The clothes seemed hard to understand.
A: Honestly, it’s hard for me to say that the clothes were not hard to understand. But, NCT stands for ‘Neo Culture Technology’ and also holds the meaning of being in the forefront of trends. Unique costumes show our identity.
Q: So confidence is what completes the fashion?
A: Yes. Maybe the controversy came up because we have not been able to pull off the clothes perfectly yet. Even though we try to act naturally, we are rookies so it can’t be helped that we must have looked awkward. But I think we are slowly getting better at it. Rather, we were able to challenge ourselves because we are rookies. Me and the members are trying to gain interest in fashion itself, too.
Q: You have started to open your eyes to fashion!
A: Is that so? I suppose confidence is what completes the fashion.
Q: Let’s talk about 'shinlim-dong’s handsome guy’ again. If you are not interested in the opposite sex, it seems like you don’t have any female friends.
A: Someone I can introduce you to as female friend.. I don’t think I have any.
Q: So then, what’s your ideal type?
A: As for an ideal type, since I don’t have any experience it would be nice if the other one could lead me. People are usually attracted to the opposite style. Contrary to my outer appearance, I’m soft on the inside. So I like somebody who’s a bit more on the strong side.
Q: Is there a dating ban?
A: The contract didn’t have that. In the 20s, it’s natural to think about dating… but I think dating is not something I should be doing now, I think that’s a given. Now is not the time to date.
Q: Your determination is amazing~ As NCT’s A, the goal you want to achieve must be firm.
A: Yes… they tell you to dream big right? I want to receive a daesang. We received the rookies award in 2016, but with the heart of receiving a daesang we will work so much harder. We want to become idols who receive recognition and are loved by many people.
Translation: Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: Sports Donga [1], [2], [3]
Please take out with full credit!
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