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verdart · 22 days

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I made the unfortunate decision to comment on a tiktok saying

"Blitz has every right to doubt Stolas' intentions and I will di on this hill defending Blitz"

Which made me actually realize in the context of Stolitz how much the fandom vilifies Blitz.

Upon rewatch I realized that he is actually kinda innocent lmao. So here comes the rant hop on in Verda rants at 4am again train.

The thing is first of all we need to work our media literacy muscles. So Stolas stans who think he is a uwu babygirl that dod nothing wrong repeat after me. "Blitz didn't watch "just look my way", "owl in a cage" or any other Stolas longing scene that we cried over"

Now that thats setteled I don't want to hear any "he is trying" bs because as of now (pre full moon s2e8) he hasn't actually done anything that Blitz is aware.

Lets start from the top my initial comment was about how Stolas treated him for so long before actually catching the feelings and how Blitz has a right to think he is not genuine.

Up top lest start with the condescending pet names and I won't be hearing Blitz cant be mad at that Stolas does it bc he thinks he likes it... jesus okay s2e1 when stolas starts the imp dirty talk what does blitz do a) encourage him b) get naked and dtf bc that was hot, c) shuts him up

Ding ding ding C. Stolas can still take this as bedtime play sure but we have a case for Blitz not liking it from day one. Other than that we all know he views Stolas' (perhaps in his mind endearing) pet names as condescention.

Secondly even if we ignore the power imbalance Stolas is the one to suggest the transactional fucking... s1e1 even tho in the forst time it was Blitz's doing, sorta. So don't at me saying well Blitz just uses him for the grimoire, like girly duh that was the premise. But Stolas also uses Blitz. Imo lending a book vs fucking in payment is a bot excessive but for Blitz's case beggars cant be chosers.

Now to the elephant in the room... Ozzie's. Does Blitz invite him (Stolas) purely out of selfish intentions that has nothing to do with him? Yes. Is he a dick? Yes. But Does Stolas hide his fucking face when he has a reality check? Yes. But then y'all be mad bc Blitz pulled his hand back.

That night Stolas was read once, Blitz was like at least 2 times... if we don't count the stuff for Stolas by proxy. He was having a hard night bro. And after Stolas invites him he is like no and Stolas respects that. Which if the show didn't add s2e2 in between it wouldve been a perfect stepping stool to get the Stolitz on healthy communication territory but that didn't happen.

I cannot for the life of me pin point when Stolas genuinely falls for Blitz. If its from day one damn it took him long enough to understand what he was doing was wrong.

Anyways we as fans can't be mad at Stolas because we know he is starting to understand the absolute power imbalance he created and the position he left Blitz in. He has realized that the thing is lets remember and repeat "Blitz is not watching the show with us". Blitz doesn't know of this sudden change of heart.

Now to adress a few meaningful interactions we have after ozzies. The fucking pixelated phone texts from s2 western energy.

Stolas apologizes but in that way that I look down upon. "Sorry if" like girl own it up anyways Blitz brushes it off and Stolas instead just goes hehe I didnt care either. Yall need relationship therapy my god. Important thing is Stolas was trying to reach out. But instead of going anything I said that made you upset etc he could've actually apologize properly for getting ashamed. Tho Blitz should also apologize for inviting him on a date for his own gain but thats another bag of worms I won't open tonight.

Other than that he has put off seeing him and doing the transactional fucking for a while. During those times. And as we know from all the phones Blitz breaks after talking to Stolas and hearing hus dirty talk he isn't too excited about. We don't exactly know if he comes or not on those nights. But he is also showm to be quite comfortable in s2e2 with the "my dick is good but its not that good" comment so maybe they do continue the arrangement... idk. Either way we know they haven't really talked.

All I am saying is that both parties of this ship are guilty af of hurting eachother and taking advantage of eachother. But as the power house of this power imbalance, Stolas needs to be held accountable. And he is doing that now!! Or will, in s2e8 and I can't wait to see how that goes. Overall, I can see totally why Blitz shuts down any signs that Stolas might actually be into him. He has a good bunch of reasons too. And as far as we've seen from the trailer we will get to hear him say it out loud as he should.

#verda rants #helluva boss #stolitz #stolitz discourse #blitzø #stolas

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ariluvsusm · 2 years

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connection- azriel

-description: you and az discover your mating bond on starfall!!

-warnings: I DIDNT EDIT NOR REREAD THIS 😭, wholesome other than a few(…..) lewd comments and… yeah

-a/n: i tried to find a dress that resembled the one i was thinking of while writing this but i couldn’t find one!! so think feyre’s court of nightmares dress but more fabric. ALSO…… i have no FUCKING IDEA how mating bonds work. i don’t really think anyone does. this is just my personal interpretation of them.

—————————————————————————

you delicately pull on the midnight blue dress, trying to figure out which limb goes in which hole. but by the time you’re finished and standing in front of the mirror, you can’t help but let your jaw hit the floor. the dress is like molten night, wrapping around your beautiful body, accentuating your hips before falling into a double slit that exposes both of your legs. it’s off shoulder, too, with a sweetheart neckline that shows off the top of your breasts. stars litter the fabric, beautiful and delicate, matching the body glitter and oil you rubbed all over your skin. you place a delicate, starry pin atop your head, pulling back half of your curled hair, and leaving a few face-framing pieces out. you slip on your matching (surprisingly comfortable) heels and gloves, and then you’re out the door, running down the stairs, and bounding into the dining room. when you arrive, the rest of your friends are getting seated. every face in the room turns towards you, staring for a solid few minutes.

you and the rest of the inner circle are meeting for starfall dinner before the party. it’s your first starfall in the night court, and you didn’t know how to dress, act, or what the customs were. mor,who helped you with preparing, stands up from her seat at the table, practically jumping up and down.

“gods, y/n, you are so damn hot!” she exclaims, among a string of other profanities. “here, sit here!” she says, motioning to a spot beside her. and across from azriel, who is currently staring at you with a look that’s nothing short of predatory. cassian is gaping, apparently already intoxicated, and you can tell he is about to make some lewd comment that he doesn’t mean and will regret in the morning. rhys just smiles at you approvingly from his spot between az and cassian, and amren, who is on the other side of mor, smirks.

“fuck, y/n!” cassian drunkenly exclaims. “you are soooo dammnn hot, i’m sooo jealous of the male that gets to bed you tonight.”

“cassian, stop drooling. if you need to go take care of your massive boner, do it in a different room.” amren says flatly, eliciting laughter from around the room. when you finally get around the table and to your seat, mor pulls out your seat for you.

“m’lady,” she says, giving you an exaggerated bow. the conversation moves on, everyone talking about dancing and festivities, and oh, y/n, how much fun you’re going to have.

but azriel doesn’t speak. he just stares at you, making eye contact, shadows winding up and down his arms and around his hands and fingers. you try to avoid his intense gaze, a light blush coming to your cheeks. out of everyone in the inner circle, azriel is the most… attractive, per se. he’s considerate; he makes you feel comfortable, he respects you and your privacy. he’s also hot. he downs drink after drink, before your elegant dinner is brought out to you. finally, he speaks, making small talk with rhys and amren about some kind of intense training. meanwhile, you and mor excessively flirt, trying to one up eachother with horrible pick up lines.

“is your name winter?” you ask mor, “because you’ll be coming soon.” mor and cass break out in laughter, and rhys groans.

“not this again. please, a different dinner topic. why does it always come to this? please, be mature.” rhys asks tiredly.

“haha, you said come.” cassian says. at this point, he probably has no idea where he is. or who he is.

“hey, y/n,” cassian says, turning towards you. “i don’t usually watch sunsets, but i’d love to watch you go down!”

“oh my god, cass! that is awful!” mor says, breaking out in laughter, while the rest of your friends guffaw. save for az, who is staring daggers at cassian, swishing the remainders of his drink around his glass. you continue to eat, cracking jokes with mor and laughing with rhys about something or another. even amren has a good time.

finally, you and your friends find yourselves walking down to the parties, ready to drink more and and dance. you and mor dance together, singing and laughing and drinking and surely embarrassing yourselves, going from party to party, club to club. finally, it’s time for the real fun to begin. mor runs off and somehow, you find yourself back at the house of wind, on a balcony overlooking the city and the sea. with azriel.

finally, the stars begin to fall, and you haven’t seen anything like it. and you can’t help yourself, you dance around like a child, the little alcohol in your system aiding you in making a fool of yourself. azriel watches you, smiling. you stop dancing, but the stars still fall, enchanting you and captivating your full attention.

“az,” you breathe, “you didn’t tel me it was so…” you trail off.

“magical?” he finishes for you, coming up behind your shoulder, watching both you and the beautiful display.

you nod, turning around with pure joy still etched on your face.

“i couldn’t find the words to describe it.” he says quietly. for the first time that night, you really drink him in. he’s wearing a dark suit, his hair unruly. his dark-gold skin shines in contrast to his outfit and hair. his eyes twinkle, staring into yours with an expression that you’ve never seen before. you break the eye contact shyly, turning back around to watch.

“it’s… wonderful. it’s the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen,” you say truthfully.

“not for me.” he whispers, barely audible, now standing beside you.

you turn your head, looking up at him. he turns his too, making eye contact with you once more. he breaks it first though, looking back at the stars, before doing a double take and staring at you again. suddenly he exhales sharply.

“fuck, y/n. i-i…” he closes his eyes for a few seconds, “i’m… i don’t know if it’s the alcohol but…” he trails off.

“gods, i’m not supposed to tell you this. rhys told me not to but… i can’t keep this from you.” he stars again. this time he turns towards you fully, so you turn towards him.

“y/n, you’re my mate.” he says slowly. “i… i’ve known for a while.”

“your- your mate?” you whisper. he nods his head.

“its been so hard for me to resist and keep from telling you,” he says, taking a step closer, so close now that his shadows ghost your skin. “from touching you, from marking you as mine. gods, y/n, do you know what you do to me?”

he leans down, so close now that you could share a breath. suddenly, everything clicks into place. you feel something forming in your mind, a thread. and then trailing it, a yank. your mind reaches out and yanks back, and he smiles. but for some reason, this smile is different. it makes you feel different, and you’re speechless. your mouth hangs slightly open.

“what was that?” you ask hesitantly.

“our bond.” he answers, unable to hide his happiness. “ y/n, i know this is all new to you, and it can be overwhelming but… i just couldn’t keep this from you. it’s unbearable for me. and watching cassias flirt with you tonight… i just… he’s my best friend. and i wanted to… fight him. to make him stop. and i just couldn’t keep something like this from you. but- if you need a break, or some time, or… i just- i-“ he says, blathering on rather quickly.

“no, az, this is amazing!” you laugh, flinging yourself into his arms, his warm embrace. “i- i have a mate!” you say into his chest.

he laughs. “y/n, every fae has a mate.”

“i mean- i know- but me. and you’re here! i’m…” you say, into his chest still. instead of letting go, you turn your head, watching the stars fall from the sky. down, down, down.

so… you’re happy?

you jump out of his arms

“what- what the-“ you say, looking up at him. his voice was in your head.

“it’s the bond. we can communicate through it.” he says. “try it.”

so you do. you yank on that thread.

wow, you say through the bond.

it’s the most wonderful feeling, knowing that you have a soulmate. someone who you are connected and entwined with, a deeper and more raw feeling than marriage or love. an intimate, real feeling, something you have never felt before. pure, unconditional love. you are important to someone. tears well up in your eyes and then escape down your cheeks. azriel pulls away from your hug, holding your chin between his thumb and pointer finger. he leans down and kisses your cheek, kisses your tears away.

“gods, you’re so beautiful.” he murmurs, making eye contact with you, your chin still between his fingers.

then, he is leaning in to kiss you and it is lips against lips and skin against skin. your hands curiously travel each others bodies, rubbing circles and grabbing and sliding over skin. when he is done kissing your face and lips, his are covered in glitter. when he pulls away, you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him back in and resting your forehead against his. he has to lean down a considerable amount, as he towers over you.

you take his face in your hands, your turn to hold him as the stars behind you plummet. after a considerable around of time, after the stars stop their descent, and after much of the music and dancing have stopped, and and azriel pull away from your embrace.

a new feeling takes over, you don’t say a word as you grab his hand and lead him up to your chambers.

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-a/n (AGAIN): PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me ideas and requests 😭😭😭 I AM BEGGING this is so shitty and i apologize!! i honestly am just currently very busy with school and need some inspiration and ideas 😭

#acotar #a court of thorns and roses #azriel #azriel smut #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #azriel x female!reader #azriel acotar #acotar fanfiction #cassian #rhysand #morrigan #amren #acofas #a court of silver flames #acomaf #acosf

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zeta-in-de-walls · 1 year

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ctommys ending wasnt pointless, like i agree it wasnt the best and couldve been better, but if you really analyze it, there was a lot that worked quite well.

Ctommy got his closure in a way (finally getting his question of why cdream hurt him was answered). Finding out cdreams true motives which is something he always wnated to know

Seeing for himself that cdreams true motivations were true. He knew cdream was not making it up for once as he saw it for himself

Ctommy winning against cdream (and cpunz) , finally getting cdream to break as well as killing both cpunz and cdream. Cdream even feeling alone and betrayed before dying yet giving into ctommy beating him since he didnt try escaping and instead just stayed there and looked at ctommy. (Dying lonely just as what he had done to ctommy.) And yes ctommy died feeling like he had been too foolish and impulsive but both of these instances highlighted both characters flaws. Ctommy being too impulsive + stuck in the past to his downfall, and cdream being too stuck in an ends justify the means long term plans shit + stuck in past lead to his down fall.

it was important for cdiscduo to both die because both were stuck in a loop of this need for simplistic things whilst also having no shot of truley fixing things as things just were too far. Ctommy was planning to make a new country and was still thinking excessively about how cdream treated him in the past(not his fault), and cdream and cpunz were obsessed with that revival book and 'fixing the server'.

ctommy simply killing them after getting his closure and leaving wouldnt of fixed things exactly either cuz by that point it was just too late.

The s2 start was ok because it had what both cdiscduo wanted (simpler times again) even though past cdiscduo would of never known that things were reset. They never knew that they got what they wanted. And now all that sht is left to interpretation, there were hints that cdream in that new memory wipe thing still had some memories so people just can assume whatever. Since its never happening (which is for the best for obvi reasons), we can just speculate if one wanted too.

Tommy's DSMP ending was really bad.

Character with suicidal thoughts comes up with a plan that involves him dying. As a result, him and eveyrthing he loves dies.

His story had a theme about the importance of attachments and love and Tommy loses everything. Including all his memories. You don't burn memories. Even at his lowest during exile, the photos of Tubbo helped keep him sane.

Tommy's validation comes in the form of him coming to an understanding and literally seeing the one who so cruelly isolated him and deliberately made him think that he was worthless and promised to kill, to see his point of view.

On realising Dreams motives and winning against Dream, as I've said it really serves Dream's character more than Tommy's. Tommy is damaged by Dream and his arc should be about being able to move on from that pain and to make sure Dream can't hurt him again but instead he ends without his memories as Dream's friend.

It's fine that Tommy likes things simple but the comparison with Dream is not satisfying nor does it feel convincing in the stream itself.

What's the point of a character struggling to live and heal and become the best version of themselves if at the end of it they die by their own hand, with their last words being words of regret towards the one who hurt them?

#meta #analysis #replies #please see my other posts on my thoughts about the ending they should be under my tommyinnit tag #sorry but i hate it and believe it is thematiclally unsatisfying

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bathboysblog · 10 months

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skitty, skitty I got a quickie for you!

1: if you had the chance to meet any of the welcome home chararters who would you want to meet.

2: what would you say to them?

3: and have you ever heard about... charlie the cursed phone guy before?

oh jeez, thats a hard one. i think Clown did a really good job with mimicking that warm and cozy feeling of old children's shows (Mister Rogers especially comes to mind). there seems to be a character for everyone to enjoy.

for me personally? its a mix between Barnaby, Sally and Poppy.

i havent listened to all the audios from the update on the website yet (wah! adhd, have at thee!), but from the snippets i have heard, i just adore their personalities.

for one, Sally is so excessive in the way that she speaks, i love her drama kid character (i had always assumed she was a fire cracker chaos maker, but i was pleasantly surprised with this new perspective. hell, i like it even more than the fandom perceived one!). shes the one ive found my attention being drawn to the most on the site. her voice is bold and confident, full of emotion, and i bet shed have some real good stories to tell. sadly, she wouldnt be able to get me out of my hiding spot from behind the curtain. but hey, painting stage props would be fun! maybe i can even learn some sewing while im up there.

Poppy just seems so domestic, im melting. all of her hobbies are calm and relaxing, which is a stark contrast to miss 'camera, lights, action!' above. she seems like the type of person where you can bond over comfortable silence and never have it be awkward. i would either crack my tooth or shred the roof of my mouth on her seed muffins though, so cant really add baker to the list lol. i myself have always wanted to learn how to sew, and i think she would be the perfect kind of mentor for something like that. someone whos very patient and understanding is admirable to me (even if it makes her somewhat of a pushover).

but, ultimately, my choice goes to Barnaby. im ass when it comes with social cues, and from the audios, so is Wally lol. but, using the little blue man as an example, Barnaby takes Wally's ignorance with endearment. Wally didnt feel out of place in the 'Hotdogs' audio, despite clearly being lost in the conversation. its comforting to know that youll always have a friend that welcomes and accepts you, no matter what the situation will bring. Barnaby's jokes never felt like they were trying to break tense atmospheres, they seemed natural and ordinary. the puns would make me cringe inside, but honestly, what else is the point to having friends? i could easily see myself in Wallys position in the audio, so of course my pick would be his best friend.

overall, like i said before, Welcome Home does a damn near perfect execution of its title. no matter who youre around, youll never feel out of place. i think the audios made that concept much more real than the text descriptions did.

and sadly, no, i have not heard Charlie before. but he scares me.

#mail for Soggy? thank you!#asks #Welcome Home #not used to personal talk like this #this was a very sweet thing to ask #yes i know its a horror series but.#i do not see.#i am not looking.#comfort series and ill cry if anything happens to the blorgos

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opal-owl-flight · 1 year

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alright i know it a bit off topic to what you are doing right now. but is angst really necessary for a character. all it does it make me feel so horrible for them. just saying

This is tumblr, the rule for this is to block me/the angst arc tags and move on. If you are who I think you are, Im going to take the step myself for both our sakes.

This is my story. Youre not obligated to read it, youre not obligated to keep up. If the content upsets you, you dont force the writer to change the story they want to write. You leave for the sake of your emotional state. I wont take offense to that as we all have our tolerance for upsetting topics/stories. (God knows I have my own.)

As for angst being necessary?

Have you seen the shit these characters go through in canon?

You can make the argument for everything being cartoon violence but DO REMEMBER that Hal Labs themself has made final bosses scream in pain while youre in the process of giving them a soul-smashing beatdown. And in the case of True Arena for Mags -- you can hear him begging for help in the bg as you fight. (Epilogue also has a lot of angst. Fucks sake one of Mags' "taunt" animations has him crying.)

Im not exactly adding angst where there isnt. It is simply an extension of canon.

Or do you speak of my more painful arcs, like False Paradise or Back to Zero?

Again, they are simply extensions (in my interp) of whats given in canon. I take the canon stuff seriously in my writing, thats just how I do. Those events have lasting effects on the characters. You cant say someone gets possessed and theyre all hunky dory the next time you see em. Wasnt Dedede implied -- no. Straight up SAID by Hal --- to have had trauma from Fecto Forgo? So for my way of writing things, Whos to say the others didnt as well?

In terms of the relationships for those two arcs. (+Nova Incident too what the hell.) Magolor wasnt the best person. He still isnt, sometimes. Healing from what hes done while he was lashing out, for all parties involved, is not going to be smooth sailing. Sometimes things start to look up but and then go nasty in the middle. Thats just the way things are.

BtZ's basis is touching on how puppy love/crushes tend to die the longer you know a person. You find things you dont like about the fellow you admired. And that breaks them apart. Its very fortunate in rhe end of this arc though that both parties see their mistakes/flaws and learn to accept and grow with them, and thats why they got back together.

Angst makes good payoff.

And about excessive angst? Thats subjective. And I always resolve them in the end. (Hell, even Legacy has a good ending now...mostly bc I nuked it after the rewrites). Im not really good with ending things badly, so my stuff always wraps up on a happy note. (I should probably post more of the fluff stuff tbh, but its impact is heavily reduced without the angstier context.)

Tldr, in my interp/writing style, angst is indeed necessary for the character. One, a lot of it is already canon anyway. Two, this is my way of exploring/extending the character and their themes (Mags leans heavy on trust and forgiveness). Three, all of this makes for more satisfying closure/payoff.

#jfc get off my case and let me write what I want.#opal owl hoots #also I cant help but say that this entire thing feels so manipulative #it really feels like you want me to change the way I write bc it makes you upset. Im sorry that it does but #Im not obligated to do that. YOU however have the choice to just turn away. So. do. that.

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vazelbeak · 11 months

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Thoughts on Unhappy campers

This will be a longer one

World building: So first things first lets start with world building! On a first run being in the human world there's not much worldbuilding for hell but it is odd Barbie needs a human costume, prior Moxxie and Millie didnt need one in seeing stars and now we're here where kids think their legs and skin are weird, until Millie ends up being seen as attractive (we'll get to that, i promise). But also we have a scene where Moxxie jumps into and stands in a fire but somehow isnt burned. Then when they go to have sex on stage and take clothes off, nobody recognizes them as demons. So...why did they need outfits? They still didnt answer this.

Plot: Personally I feel like we should've had more to connect western energy with this episode because it feels weird to leave off Stolas upset Blitzo might not love him and then Blitzo's breaking into a hospital to look for his sister. Like, a lot of people were under the impression he was going to visit Stolas until it was mentioned. They imply this to be a multiple time thing, but the way they deliver it feels like we should've have some prior build up like of Blitzo saying while theyre in sloth he has some other business to take care of besides Loona's hellbies shot. Viv said these episodes should all be watched together but this doesn't read that way. I think Moxxie deciding Blitzo put him in charge is funny, but Blitzo being so freaked out should've been played up more as at the moment it ends up looking like he's just acting weird. I think they should present the reason hes so worried about Barbie a lot sooner. She's clean, she doesn't want to talk to him, and despite that we get much on why he's worried until he finds out she's just on heroin. It may have worked if we had that implied earlier the full extent why hes worried. With the flip back to Moxxie and Millie my question is why are they deciding to be siblings? Why not just be a couple? I was dreading incest jokes the moment I heard this because now its coming off excessive especially to have it across three episodes two technically speaking being back to back. With Moxxie finding the suspicious behavior circumstantial it feels intended to drag out the plot because we get nothing to indicate him changing his mind from "this is coincidence" to "theyre the culprits". When if he went "holy shit its them!" when Millie pointed out everything it would make sense. I also don't follow why Moxxie is going to the kids for info and not counselors? They would know more about who would've had the means to drill into the boat. Or are kids better because Moxxie is trying to integrate himself into the camp and make sure counselors aren't wondering where an extra kid came from? think it would help to have a line of dialogue to indicate this. Moxxie trying to talk about who he is feels like it could've been a good set up for either 1. lying about being from another country and having a skin condition like how plenty kids go to summer camp and lie to seem cool in which all the other kids fall for because he makes increasingly elaborate lies to cover for himself 2. Making an original OC type joke with the "I like boys, makeup, and hot pink. I dislike people who think theyre better than me, bad make up, and the color green. My catchphrse is-" to imply Moxxie getting into character is him basically making a human oc. Also it feels a bit conflicting to go from "Millie leave out the fucking bitches part because these kids are too young" to "All the boys want me <3" like maybe just leave it at a "Boys fight over me all the time" Yeah kids can be cruel, but I'll just say i presume this is funnier when you weren't the one being bullied in that way. It comes off as just "okay...so is there gonna be a clever joke with this?" Kids being atttacted to Millie and seeing both about a bunch of girls crushing on her and being sent nudes is weird and uncomfortable. I feel like maybe they should've kept it to kids looking up to her and her almost becoming the cool kid/leader of them. I dont really follow the whole "i cant elimante any suspects because theyre too busy swooning over you" wouldn't this be good by giving Moxxie time to investigate while everyone else is distracted like what they had by the end of the episode? I dont really follow the whole "i cant elimante any suspects because theyre too busy swooning over you" wouldn't this be good by giving Moxxie time to investigate while everyone else is distracted like what they had by the end of the episode? ill have to reblog with the rest

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digitalbug999 · 18 days

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okay so i just read a book for the first time in like. a year? i havent even been reading books for classes, so its been a while (having several mental illnesses that reduce focus will do that to you) and it just so happened to be four books and also i read all 4 of them in less than a week. and i dont know how i did that or what im supposed to do now?

i know i havent posted much about how it feels when i fixate on characters, or any of my poetry that uses my favorite metaphors, but hey, i have 4 new people breaking my ribs to make more space in my chest so

anyway read the all for the game series by nora sakavic, its got some heavy topics, and unfortunately theres casual ableism, but honestly it was written in 2013 so thats kind of expected, and its significantly lessened in the fourth book which came out recently (and is the one im specifically losing it about)

trigger warning for excessive metaphor and ig trauma dumping? under the cut

how do you get used to it? reading books. how do you just read something and put all your effort into it, and how do some people not become permanently altered by the media they consume?

im gonna regret this later when im thinking clearer and i remember that im embarrassed to talk about myself online, and i know that not everyone has my specific eccentricities, but. well to be honest how do you live in the real world knowing everything happening in fiction? how do you tolerate it? how do you be okay with the fact that you dont get to know everything about them, that you cant see them, that you dont know what their voice sounds like? how. how do you stay a person after consuming media?

i have always to close friends and in my head likened fixating on a character to finding them a place in my chest, behind my ribs, nestled between my heart and my lungs. it works bc they hurt me like it. sometimes when they hurt i can breathe, or i need to curl up and die bc it feels like my world is ending. ive been running out of room recently, and some characters have moved out, but ive never had a character take up their place so quickly as these ones have. i made it through the first book and realized that 2 of them had been pushing at my ribs from the inside to feel more comfortable, and i didnt know when they got there. i finished the fourth and the other two were stepping over the mess carefully to reach the walls and try to fix something. i dont know how to feel about it

my brain chemistry has been permanently altered by these characters and im not ever going to be okay again, and im almost more afraid of if i will be. im glad to be a different person when i think about them, i dont want to lose this. i dont want to wake up one day and not love them like this, i think it would be scary to go back. i know im probably fine, digimon became a long term special interest and i still check in with some of them every once in a while, but. well digimon changed. ive left behind the homes for taichi and yamato, and ken and daisuke, and in their place have moved in all the characters from digimon survive in one house, and all 10 legendary heroes from digimon frontier in the other. and theyre loud but i love them all. i dont want to lose anything

this is really stupid, but. well how do you talk to someone whos not autistic? how do you relate to them when you dont have a life outside the beating against your heart and the rise and fall of a fictional chest against your lungs? what am i supposed to say?

how do i listen to people when they want to talk to me and im not good at listening right now? how do i play nice when i hate that a conversation is two sided and i have to hold up my side of the friendship? how do i remember not to hate this part of me when im not feeling it?

what does it feel like to not have imposter syndrome?

#stickbug speaks #venting #seriously go read all for the game #im breaking down about it isnt that enough?#i might make a long post about all the things im crazy about in it #i might delete this later idk #whatever #autism is a disability

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just-some-random-blogger · 1 year

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Hello, love! long time no messages here, it's so unfamiliar now. but i thought maybe smn wants to read about wfal, basically my advertisment, yes girlies GO READ WAITING FOR A LIFETIME!

first of all, THE DESPERATION OF THE BOBBY. i feel it SO hard. the way he really pleads and is ready to offer anything, i dont dout hed offer his own life for reader to stay. and its so logically that desperate and lost boy starts this desperate and soft part.

TAKE BACK YOUR WORDS HANNAH bc this part may be my most favourite after (or even not) second. it's SO intense and rich in emotions and plot-moving actions!

back to the bobby bc i said so. the only excess detail for me was reader crying. bc it really felt like she's a mature lady who's seen the life and is too tired to have spare emotions for some little boys while bobby is desperate to draw her attention and her any littlest sympathy. “I don’t want someone to love me back! I just want you.” hit hard.

i love how visy and reader are so friendly and respectful with each other TT #mom friends nation!!! she really could just tell him the whole thing and maybe, considering how dae is with her, visy wouldve believed her. dynamics between dae and the calm ones are so good written. and the aemond's pettiness TT he hinted. he's done everything he could.

especially!! i loved how visy tried. he really did. noticing little details about his brother not being his usual self with her. with the one who's 'aemma' for him (I LOVED THIS COMPARISON). although visy always cared for his brother, i think its a new step in their brother conflict. bc now visy ok kinda tries to understand his brother. he 0. was hesitant only bc of the wish to protect dae 1. came to see his bride 2. wasnt prejudiced 3. tried to understand their relationship 4. he can say whatever But he gave dae his permission and the blessing. "the word his baby brother meant to say was blessing." the brother conflict NEVER hit so hard. it's delighting to see daemon still trying to talk to his bro after whatever shit they've told each other.

How dae play along with his 'I can protect her'. whoever can say its toxic but i see him refusing to concede reader as 'protection'. he sees this situation (in the museum) as unsafe, those people and the public setting as unsafe, he also feels this 'magical' need to be sa close to reader as he can and to not let go of her to not be separated for another 2000 years. its only logical that he's lost but trying to survive in this overwhelming situation.

i wanted to talk abt it later but fuck it. ofc it's logical that reader cries during the intimacy with dae. i absolutely feel and understand how this must feel unreal for her bc wow he's HERE with ME he's ALIVE i MISSED him. and i LOVE how desperate this display of the need to be closer is, how this is what they practically had to do to finally understand at some soul-sacral-highest-intangible level that they're here - together, in each other's arms, not leaving. (maybe i think it feels a little out of place bc they didnt have some building up but im not complaining) BUT i do think daemon shouldve actively cried. during and especially after, clining to reader as if trying to break her. hear me up. after the whole first intense impulse of meeting the love of his life he was meant to be with, the first way of the aggressive and unexplainable need to have her, i think he must feel so hollow? just imagine plainly living your life and then having ALL of this chaos happening in your mind and everyday routine? it must feel SO devastating? you never feel the moment your very being becomes different and dont understand what to do with it. so it seems logical to me that he must feel really hollow, conflicted, lost and confused. clining to the only thing he sees, has and knows at the moment as if the child who had to grow up too fast.

AEMMA!!!!!! love her TT my baby TT nothing is right without aemma. i love the way she balances visy AHDHFJ girlboss. real girlboss. as i've said, i really like how interacting with her made visy try to understand dae more.

what about the investigation part!! 1) bobby you f- im interested in what hes going to do. also bobby is a really amusing name to me bc i associate it with a dog's name... 2) poor aemond TT i think i was never so sorry for him before. our poor boy. (but HAHDHJF the way aegon wished him to watch reader make out with dae again out of pettiness HAHD) he has to go through so much. i kinda feel that in the end he should just accept it. heavily and begrudgingly. im VERY intrigued by what hes going to find out, how hes going to react and what hes going to do with it.

i understand that it was a perfect metaphor BUT accelerando?? wtf?? i had to google it. its not a real-real complaint but im petty.

so the ending. its so soft TT its soso soft TT it gives me the feeling that everythings gonna be fine. no matter what, no matter who and how, aemma is going to attending a wedding at Dragonstone!!!!! on the aemma's behalf. and the way they say it in high valyrian makes me so touched((( the babys((( i swear its gonna be fine.

SO im gonna ask and discuss some random shit ive thought of personally. im very proud of you. i cant forget how you sacrificed 'in the keep' for it but its still veryvery perfect and im veryvery in love with it. its so great you had inspiration to write it. its really beautiful. thank you so much for your fics! im already waiting for the next part. hope EVERYONE here does to. take care!! love you<з

HAHAHH HELLO MEOW MEOW

LOVE LETTER TIME (edit: or should i say dissertation time [thus why i added the other pic AHAHAH])

Hello, love! long time no messages here, it's so unfamiliar now.

AHHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHA REALLY? ok if you say so HAHHAH doesnt feel that long to me

but i thought maybe smn wants to read about wfal, basically my advertisment, yes girlies GO READ WAITING FOR A LIFETIME!

thank you love <3

first of all, THE DESPERATION OF THE BOBBY. i feel it SO hard. the way he really pleads and is ready to offer anything, i dont dout hed offer his own life for reader to stay.

WE'LL SEE BOBBY IN THE NEXT CHAPTER ALSO ANOTHER 'GHOST' ME BECOMING HYPED ALL OVER AGAIN ITS GONNA BE MESSY AF LOL. im so glad and honestly relieved you like bobby and enjoyed his introduction.

and its so logically that desperate and lost boy starts this desperate and soft part.

YOU GET ME. YOURE AGAIN ALWAYS SO BIG BRAIN ABOUT THIS UGH. like i didnt even realize how much parrallelism i put unknowningly until i was rereading everything and i was like DAMN I DID THAT? SUBCONSCIOUSLY LASFHASFLHSA IM *THAT* WRITER. like fr. i just wanted to bob.

CAUSE YOU KNOW WHY?! I WAS WATCHING HOUSE OF GUCCI cos ya know ive been hyperfixating on kylo ren and his actor adam driver is the main dude in that film. well adam driver's character is SO MAJOR PUPPY IN IT but then he became greedy T_T like everyone and YUCK HUMAN GREED IS THE UGLIEST FOR REAL anyway, i wanted to add a character like that. i was thinking........ do i make a house of gucci fanfic???? T_T HASHFKLASHFASFHASF F but i was like nah no ones gonna read that. then i thought do i make a kylo ren fic? and then i was like NAH ITS NOT THE RIGHT SETTING. then i was like huh i could add [redacted] to the fic AND MAKE HIM MY PUPPY CHARACTER AW YIS

so yeah thats the story of bobby

TAKE BACK YOUR WORDS HANNAH bc this part may be my most favourite after (or even not) second. it's SO intense and rich in emotions and plot-moving actions!

fr no cap omg T_T thank you so much my love my baby my meow meow my dear

HAHAHHAAHHAH FAIR FAIR. no you're so right. she logically would be very hardened and reclusive after all the years of torment and waiting she's been through. in my head though, as much as she was crying for bobby, she was mostly crying for herself and seeing bobby be so desperate for her was making her frustrated because part of her really did care. she knew though that even if she did explain why she could never really love him, and even if he did try to believe her, he wouldn't understand, not fully.

i envisioned this part of her life as one of her lowest, because she's just so fucking tired (and also in my head this is the part where things begin to go in place for her regarding daemon and she just doesn't know it yet, but daemon was now existing in this lifetime and so theres like a pull in her soul or some shit thats telling her this is wrong af) and yeah this is the first time she's come close to loving someone like she loved daemon, but she's realized she's being delusional cause no one is daemon unless its daemon.

HAHHAHAHH SO YEAH that was what was going through my head when i wrote that AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH maybe i should have added that???? HAHAHA but idk its fine, there will be other chances. if you think it was tacky though that's fine. i dont mind (real) HAHHAHHAAHH

OK IDK IF I MADE IT CLEAR ENOUGH but yn told viserys everything. like fr fr everything that has happened between daemon and her now in this life. do YOU WANT A SPOILER? i'll put it in a bracket if you dont want it [if the truth starts coming out, between the 2 bros, viserys would be the one to believe yn first and thats an if because i still stand with the idea of yn just never telling daemon or anyone unless they catch on]

i'm glad you like the dynamic <3 every psycho in the family has a calm stoner counterpart.

also aemond's pettiness ASFLHASHFASF idk if its pettiness to be honest. i thought it was more of protectiveness ALSFHASF AGAIN IDK IF IT WAS CLEAR probably not 95% sure it wasn't because i reread the previous chapter. in p3 where aemond is looking through unstagram, he's looking at the museum's page, at a pic with yns blurry face cos its the only photo of her that he 'has' cos she doesn't like her photo being taken (i took a page from age of adelaide the blake lively movie) cos you know she old and her identity is at risk and stuff yadayadayada. so knowing this, as an observant person aemond is, he's very much concerned for yn. i mean yn dgaf now cos her baby boo boy is w her and she will take all the damn pics she wants but obviously that's not how that would register in aemond's head. he's prolly thinking 'this dude managed to make her change so fucking much in such little time BAD INFLUENCE BAD INFLUENCE I HATE HIM I HATE HIM'

especially!! i loved how visy tried. he really did. noticing little details about his brother not being his usual self with her. with the one who's 'aemma' for him (I LOVED THIS COMPARISON).

you get it 😫😌 viserys is trying for real. he loves his baby boy so much would die for him. and YES the comparison why aemma. idk if you remember but in part 2 daemon uses aemma as the reference for his love cos he knows how much his big bro loves big sis. in a sense, this is also a reality where they would live peacefully <3 i wanted to highlight that ((((:

although visy always cared for his brother, i think its a new step in their brother conflict. bc now visy ok kinda tries to understand his brother. he 0. was hesitant only bc of the wish to protect dae 1. came to see his bride 2. wasnt prejudiced 3. tried to understand their relationship 4. he can say whatever But he gave dae his permission and the blessing.

HAHAHH YES YES key word trying. he trying. he fighting for his life. and all your points form 0-4 (ALSO HAHAHA YOU STARTING FROM 0 T_T) real. valid. but again, like he was telling aemma "I HAVENT FOKIN GAVE THEM MY BLESSING gRRRR BARK BARK"

"the word his baby brother meant to say was blessing." the brother conflict NEVER hit so hard. it's delighting to see daemon still trying to talk to his bro after whatever shit they've told each other.

again im SO GLAD you get it. i feel so glad that at the very least YOU get it. daemon is really conflicted and he may be evil (?) but one of his redeeming qualities is that he loves his fam (: HAHAAH

okay, yeah he's toxic. this is where his rogue prince persona comes into play. he dgaf and will do anything and everything he wants. sure he does want viserys blessing but fuck that shit he's not going to wait for it before doing anything. hes going to do anything then go 'fucking finally' when visy caves. see toxic. he knows he'll come around so he fucks around all the time. T_T i will say the 'i can protect her' part was no so much for yn being in the museum per se, but he meant it in life in general. would literally go to war with a neighboring nation if he had to 0 remorse 0 hesitation. 100% would never concede reader. his past life would come to life and fucking murder him if he did.

HAHAHAHAAHAH YOURE MAD VALID FOR THINKING ITS OUT OF PLACE AHAAHAHH ITS FINE I WILL TAKE IT i didnt feel like writing anymore plot/character dev. i told you it was supposed to be they bang and they love each other very much HAHAHAHHA. im glad that you think her crying is logical and that you feel/understand what's going through her head <3

and this part 'soul-sacral-highest-intangible' HAHHAAAH THATS SO FUNNY AND SLAY AND YAS YOU GET IT

BUT i do think daemon shouldve actively cried. during and especially after, clining to reader as if trying to break her. hear me up. after the whole first intense impulse of meeting the love of his life he was meant to be with, the first way of the aggressive and unexplainable need to have her, i think he must feel so hollow? just imagine plainly living your life and then having ALL of this chaos happening in your mind and everyday routine? it must feel SO devastating? you never feel the moment your very being becomes different and dont understand what to do with it. so it seems logical to me that he must feel really hollow, conflicted, lost and confused. clining to the only thing he sees, has and knows at the moment as if the child who had to grow up too fast.

and that's the tea. who's to say he didn't bawl out crying after. not me. lets say he did! i was too fucking lazy to make any more indication of theyre bow-chika-bow-wow moment that what was in the fic. i will say the reason why i didnt make him just ugly cry mid sexy time was because well, he was leading the love making and that takes a lot of focus no? also men aren't multitaskers /: he can only cry or fuck ya feel me. HAHAHH but yeah sure. 100% canon that he turned into a putty of tears and they maybe the sad fuck for round 2 HAHAHHAHAHAH

aemma supremacy

what about the investigation part!! 1) bobby you f- im interested in what hes going to do. also bobby is a really amusing name to me bc i associate it with a dog's name...

HAHAHHAAH YES. BE 100% interested in bobby. also yes he is a dog he is yns dog. bobby is a nickname for [redacted]. i wanted to give him a modern nickname cos [redacted] is so game of thrones and i wanted to nickname him bryan but idk bobby was cuter also i feel like it kinda makes less sense if i name him bryan?

2) poor aemond TT i think i was never so sorry for him before. our poor boy. (but HAHDHJF the way aegon wished him to watch reader make out with dae again out of pettiness HAHD) he has to go through so much. i kinda feel that in the end he should just accept it. heavily and begrudgingly. im VERY intrigued by what hes going to find out, how hes going to react and what hes going to do with it.

dang you feel sorry for aemond? HAHAHAH i mean iget it but also??? he was just reading a book T_T NO SUDDENLY MY THOUGHTS OF FEELING LIKE A LOSER WHEN I READ BOOKS ALONE IN THE LIB ARE COMING IN HAHAHHHHA no but idk why you feel bad for him. i spit at aemond AHHAH JK I LOVE AEMOND. if anything i wanted you to feel more bad for aegon HAAHAA

i understand that it was a perfect metaphor BUT accelerando?? wtf?? i had to google it. its not a real-real complaint but im petty.

HAHAHAHAHAHA I WANTED TO PUT MUSIC TERMS FIGHT ME

SLOWLY GOING TO PUT MORE AND MORE MUSIC TERMS IN MY FICS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO GOOGLE THEM HAHHHAAHAH

yeah honestly, ending with the soft smut was really cathartic for me. i was like yes i can end this fic now. maybe i will. when i said they get married i meant they get share a marriage bed. 😌 who cares about anything else. theyre done. they did it. theyre married and i can have peace. them speaking in high valyrian is equivical to their wedding vows HAHAHH. aemma will understand HAHAHH

SO im gonna ask and discuss some random shit ive thought of personally.

SHOOT

im very proud of you.

i cant forget how you sacrificed 'in the keep' for it but its still veryvery perfect and im veryvery in love with it. its so great you had inspiration to write it. its really beautiful.

WELL DANG i still will write in the keep. i mean i started it. its just a matter of time and when i will post it HAHAHH. thank you for loving my fic i love you

thank you so much for your fics!

I LOVE YOU 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

im already waiting for the next part. hope EVERYONE here does to. take care!! love you<з

bobby dies. aemond dies. aegon dies. caraxes randomly respawns and burns everyone. yn dies. daemon dies. viserys dies. aemma dies.

love you <3

xxx

#slavyanskiyahui cutie #waiting for a lifetime #hotd modern au #ghosts

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summonhouse · 2 years

Text

im going to ramble abt art websites for a bit and its maybe going to be disjointed and potentially mean bc 1. i speak for myself im not here to convince anyone of anything so i dont care about sounding nice? and 2. im feeling a little offkilter lately BUT

these are no more good art websites and its a pain to see a new art website crop up every week and everyones like, thisll be the one guys! bc i dont think in this day and age its possible.

first; websites should not be profittable. ive been thinking abt this w like, twitter and tumblr and deviantart too where the problem is that people want to make more profit- they dont want to break even, theyre not trying to cover the cost of hosting and paying employees, they need an excess. it shouldnt be like this bc thats how we get the lower in quality, thats how we get this trying to appeal to third party money providers and not users and its always bad and more than that its just unnecessary. every art website that people love are the ones that remain stagnant because its reliable, people do not want continual updates to the ui of something they depend upon for posting and money. new experimental features esp on art websites are just.. useless unless theyre asked for and the garbage fed to us isnt what we asked for.

what makes a good art website? something you can post images, gifs, perhaps low quality videos on, have larger text posts for pinning and smaller text posts for status updates. id say an important feature is a gallery and featured page- profile customization is also important, at the very least have icons, text around a username, descriptions, and headers.

can you tell im thinking of deviantart? i think deviantart is the premium art website and i am so sad everyone left at eclipse- honestly not even that sad at eclipse. it was bad, it was broken, deviantart now has a fuck ton of little holes in it where pages just dont load right, ill get on the fucking new notification page and user profile later, but the way that, in the old days, it had huge spanning galleries, and it had “post type” search too! and it was annoying at the time, we hated this, trying to pick what kind of art your posts were, but it helped make searching for specific posts so much easier (now trying to find gifs on my old accs without it is impossible..). thumbs were good easy ways for ppl to spread content meant to be spread while immediately linking to the actual post- it stopped people from reposting art or using html linking the image itself without a hyperlink to take back to the post and credit, because the thumb was immediately easy to use and way easier than working around it. there was so much... community. like ok from 14-16 i was harassed hard fucking core by adults on deviantart because i was an annoying whiny kid that used dA as my support platform, because from 11-14 it really was! everyone was nice to me- my art was hot dog shit, but i dont think i EVER got a comment calling it bad. i got a LOT of comments telling me that it was good, and i really did believe that! being a preteen drawing dogs online and getting genuine support, often from other artists of my ilk but not uncommonly by artists who were immediately visually BETTER than me really really helped me get to where i am now- i never doubted myself because i was surrounded by people who were so happy to draw just like me, and people loved to see everyone elses work and characters- the joy for characters and stories is really what propelled popularity even when my art wasnt good enough to uphold this. i remember seeing a post a long time ago mentioning that like... sites like dA remained bc they werent just for visual artists which is a great point too- it hosted lurkers really well, artists were really friendly to people who commented on their stuff even if they didnt post anything, im p sure it did fairly well for people who wrote a lot of content, i know some people got popular just because they commissioned people a lot, not bc they drew anything but bc their characters and name got popular.

i miss the old dA notification page, it was SO GOOODDD the folders for where you could store old notifications, the way it was so perfectly set up to maintain a bunch of different notifications all categorized by type, the way that they took note to stop posts that were submitted in multiple groups from appearing again and again in your notifs, the birthday warnings, it was just.. so sweet! page customization too- it was just so fun finding cute little things to put on your page, and so versatile and useful too because you could get like, boundary or commission status or language stamps on there! and like, when i was 14 i had recoded my page a few times over myself, it got me interested in html coding! and now its all gone- for what? because the sleek look is modern, and modern things get more money from investors, and the platforms dont appeal to users anymore, they appeal to investors, because they want more money- they need more money. its a hole they dug for themselves, kind of- i feel like people down the line hosting THEM want more money and so it dominos.

i loved points too, ik people thought they were useless and the worth was hard for ppl to get but $1=100 points was SO GOOD like i know buying points w usd incures a fee and so ur not getting 2000 points if you spend $20 but trading between people for a lesser fee was SO FUN i got banned for doing this a few times LMAO but it really brings a community together. it encourages younger ppl without paypal to try and do commission artwork without breaking the law, and it wasnt as if points were WORTHLESS, because i know i traded usd for them!

and like, everyones like.. twitter is better. twitter is chock full of algorithm nonesense, theres ads between every post, video audio doesnt really work right (if you click on a video on mobile it just decides you will hear every video you pass now. which will be in between every normal post in the form of a fucking ad), images get compressed to hell and ive never heard any information as to how to avoid this, gifs turn into bad videos, you still cant post multiple gifs (i think youre supposed to but well it doesnt fucking work!), just fucking try and host pixel art on here, theres on way to say long form things to people easily- “use threads” real talk, as a user, if i see a thread i do not click it, its too much work if not offered to me. i am 1 person and i represent hundreds who see your tweets. if you scroll down onto any featured popular post you will see nsfw or violent bigotry. i used to report every bit of bigotry i saw and got fast reception, near immediate banning- since owner turn over, a post disparagingly saying faggot has not been responded to in the past 48 hours. the community is fucking insane and i cant blame them, its how twitter is built- there is no separation between official posts and casual posts, like on deviantart wher ethere was differences between journals and statuses- everything youd post as a status that would have gone under the radar is a big proper real post, every comment you make is a big real post as well, it forces a lot of passing commentary to the forefront of peoples attention which of course incurs drama. and ofc its an ALGORITHM BASED PLATFORM which means it REWARDS RECEPTION, inlcuding NEGATIVE- any of your posts that you intended to have as private and only for your 5 followers if it gets enough traction gets blown out of proportion and every single other user will see it only as the post itself, as a big number post which means its open for ridicule. i feel like it was host to more psyops than dA ever was? dA had a bunch of trolls but never any govt psyops like that drug minor one

anyways new art platforms dont work out bc they dont have enough people or draw- if you just are allowing people to post images and text posts, even if you have better page customization id just use twitter because despite its cons it has the major pro of, you know, having people using it- if you make a new art platform every week, theres no real point to pursue any of them, id just wait and see which one flourished- and because i dont participate, they dont get clicks, they dont continue to grow, and they ALL die. anyways moderation is impossible in the way people like- i know everyone wants to believe their niche discourse is clean cut and actually go to show deeper oppression but moderators on websites do not care- discourse is ever evolving and so heated that they cannot afford to throw out a guess and likely no one ever explains themselves, just say This ideology is something or other. and we all want it to be so simple that everyone has the Right opinion on pro/antiship, or fetishes, or terfisms, or mogai, but i promise no matter how easy it seems to you there are thousands who violently refuse and will make up their own buzzwords about how their side is right and the other is something or other. like aside from banning slurs or cruelty they really cannot do much and likely would not ban people who have a special word in their description that you and you alone recognize as a dogwhistle for x ideology. this is the problem i know a few art websites had where they had to say clearly what they would and wouldnt allow and NO ONE was happy. also to revisit that point on hosting a lot of people, an art website that is JUST an art website is like.. its not going to get community or that response i mention from other ppl. if i get on a website just to post art, why would i comment on anyone elses?

and like, dA i know it has like front page or new algorithm which spotlights a LOT of fetish content, but honestly like. you just have to accept that theres going to be fetish content, its an art website, if you want new unseen artists spotlighted you have to acccept that in the fallout of that theres going to be fetish content.

so uhmmm theres nowhere to go and nothing to do. get your asses back on dA eclipse was glitchy and sucked and showed dA didnt respect user opinion but it has not been that bad. its functional at the very least and its only ever dysfunctional because YOU all left. i cant get reception not bc dA is broken but because theres no one left to see it

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rubyatarah · 2 years

Text

Rant // TW for car accident, feeling down, minor injury,

excessive whining, vlogbrothers youtube video reference, beautiful old tacoma met its untimely end and i’m being ridiculous, should just be grateful everyone was alright but thats not enough i must ruminate all night even though sleep would be very good

i am sad and upset because someone not paying attention totaled my truck that i was very attached to and now my independence feels like its been stolen from me but i feel bad for being upset because the person who pulled out in front of me was very stressed and they didnt mean to hurt anybody. not sure if their rear driver side door ripped off when they rolled or when i hit them but their dog ran away scared and it took a whole group of folks half an hour to find it. kind people passing by stopped to help, an old high school friend came and gave me a hug, my ex boyfriend up the rode came to pick me up, it was all so hopeful. a sad day and a very reassuring one. but it seems i’d only just forgotten about old wounds that made me terrified of driving or being in a car and now i think they’re back for some more torment. this is so cute for me. just being dramatic because everyone is okay. my foot is hurt from braking before smashing my front end in and being trapped there but mostly i’m actually mourning in earnest the loss of my dearest most reliable and nonjudgemental friend, a white 2001 toyota tacoma. extended cab. with a winch and an arb bumper and a matching canopy and stupidly big tires for such a little truck. haha still laugh about that and not be sad soon hopefully. little things break my happiness and that is a personal failure sure but my happiness is still broken and no one can take that away from me. jokes aside im suicidal lol and survivor’s guilt over a vehicle you accidentally personified that’s 1 year older than you is not something they tell you about in high school health class. can you tell it was my first? worked 6 days a week for a year at the closest full service restaurant i could ride my bike to to save up enough for such a beautiful thing and it took just about 3000000000 times shorter of an amount of time for it to all be over. i always felt a little sad when i put a sticker on the topper window in case it didnt live on forever with the truck. dang it dude. makes me think of when hank green said something like: “its much more difficult to build than it is to destroy,” but thats not what thats supposed to mean i dont think. anyway was that him or somebody else and he was quoting them? sorry if i love hank and john. i don’t have a dad ok let me have this one thing! ok its just that i couldn’t escape when i was dealing with a lot of not awesomeness at home or otherwise before i had the ability to drive myself wherever i needed to be and now that’s over for a bit and its not a good time of year to do that. alaska is very cold in the winter and my mountain bike does not suffice in the snow and ice. also fat biking sounds miserable no offense fat bikers you are valid. also south central alaska is not a very walking friendly place! also also, i just love that truck like a person. so stupid that i couldnt protect it and give it the long happy life it was entitled to. it has been in my very dramatic opinion the only stability i have had ever had and it’s comforting that i made that happen for myself but just as opposite of comforting that someone could unintentionally just take that away in the span of some seconds. hope none of you read this and hope youre all well and wearing your seatbelts always. <3 love and hugs. not sure if adding the pictures is a good idea or not since i know anything i see about a car accident makes me sick and i dont want any of you to feel the same❤️ :/ if you have questions or want to see pictures dms are open 🦦

#any happy things or warm advice welcome #i love you #please wear your seatbelts always.#and buy a fire extinguisher if you dont already have one #keep a spare around just in case!#that reminds me carry bear spray when its recommended too!#alaska is actually weirdly scary a little boy got mauled last week in my town #baby’s first car accident

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