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lionheartedmusings · 6 months

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i will never not be endlessly fascinated with pomme and q!bad's dynamic, especially now after the egg disappearance, purgatory, and returning to the island.

because pomme's adoption wasn't this huge emotional moment or him stepping in for someone who wasn't there, their bond was built out of time and care and love, to the point that it was just the next natural step in their relationship. even after that, it took a while for pomme to call q!bad dad because she was nervous and wanted it to be at the right time -- q!bad was aware of it too, because when she did call him dad for the first time he melted, took a photo of the sign, and made it not a big deal per se but acknowledged that it was a meaningful moment between them. then they moved on and kept going as usual.

their time together is cherished and not an afterthought -- yes, when her french parents are on pomme will always do the rounds with them! of course, she wants to spend time with them! q!bad's time with her is after, and they both know that in an inherently healthy and comforting way. it's their schedule, and even if she's with q!bad and one of her other parents log on off stream she'll go to hang out and q!bad only *once* interrupted that time, and it was to ask for her opinion on footage when he thought someone was in his house.

pomme is also both a mini-bad in a lot of ways inherently, and his absolute antithesis. they both share vicious anger when those they love are endangered, are fiercely protective and paranoid, are planners and worries to a fault... i don't think pomme would be surprised to hear what her dad did in purgatory at all, even if it would make her sad. that's where they're not similar at all: pomme is vengeful too, don't get me wrong, she's an eye for an eye girlie *but* she has a level of restraint that q!bad doesn't, and a moral compass that actually sees right and wrong vs. something i care about and something i don't. q!bad has been anchored by pomme before, brought to heel so to speak, in a way that needed no convincing because there's a level of trust there that's inherent.

and yet pomme knows and q!bad has acknowledged that dapper is his priority -- not in terms of love, never that, but still a priority. and that's just okay. pomme knows she's loved, she knows her dad adores her and she also knows that she has other parents that love her whereas ultimately dapper doesn't. she knows her mom q!baghera would prioritise her, and so would q!antoine, and q!aypierre, and q!etoiles -- it's okay that q!bad doesn't because he's looking out for her brother and she loves her brother more than anything.

the one thing that's interesting to me about their dynamic is the fact that pomme is loud and proud about being q!bad's daughter and has expressed frustration that people don't know / acknowledge her as his kid, but q!bad is almost reluctant to say she's his more often than not.

i can count on one hand the times he's corrected someone when they mention only dapper, or added that pomme is his too... and yet in private to him it's always dapper and pomme. he grieved them both in their time away, left pomme a message, checked her room too. he sang her happy birthday and got her the flowers she likes. he lost it when the eggs went missing not at seeing dapper's empty bed, but pomme's. he, in the throes of his memory loss and confusion, proudly said "this has got to be pomme's, this is exactly how my daughter would organise things" about the egg rooms.

there's a duality there that is fascinating and confusing and seems... purposeful on q!bad's behalf in a way i truly can't figure out entirely.

maybe he's trying to protect her, to distance himself from her in the rest of the island's minds so if something goes wrong she can be safe in a way he knows dapper could never be -- after all, elquackity didn't take pomme, he had no idea she was his.

i guess it's all about love, anyway.

#qsmp #q!badboyhalo #qsmp pomme #i will always have the biggest soft spot for their relationship #do discuss if you have thoughts tho pls and thank you

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msfbgraves · 2 months

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The first Godfather movie is on Y*utube for free now! I rewatched it and it was just as great as I remember, so on to Part 2. But then I went on redd*t to check out some Godfather threads, and was disappointed to see so much discourse on who was hotter, Apollonia or Kay. And why there is so much hate against Kay, mainly because she is “too feminist” and “educated”, doesn’t “obey or support” Michael, and that she’s not as beautiful as Apollonia. All in all a disappointing experience. I didn’t see any male characters reduced to how handsome they were or were not : /

Let me help you there, then, Nonnie - of course Michael was destined to become the new Don - he is far prettier than Fredo, Sonny or Connie. And Vito was prettier than Don Fanucci all along! 😎

All this "Kay isn't good enough for Michael" discourse - he pursued her. Both in film 1 and 3. And the only time I felt Kay was weak, was when she said yes when he returned. Imagine, here is your war hero boyfriend who says he wants a clean American life... and then he shoots two people, leaves the country, ghosts you for a year, tells you he has become a career criminal and then proposes marriage. She should have said no, she really isn't open to this, but is this man, who she knows has people killed with no repercussions, a man she can refuse? As little as Vitelli could really refuse Michael's request to court Apollonia. The first thing Michael says to him is: "If you don't do what I want, I will kill you, and what I want is meet your daughter."

But alright maybe love isn't rational. Maybe they loved each other still. Kay really wasn't suited to mob life and that is on Michael. He knew who she was and it didn't matter, he wanted her. He had barely a clue who Apollonia was, her with no English and he with broken Italian. It didn't matter, he wanted her. Kay would have been perfect for Michael Corleone, aspiring senator, which is what he was when they met. But he didn't care Kay was not suited for who he was now. Why didn't he grieve Apollonia and find another mob wife? Why didn't he remarry after their divorce? Even when he proposes Kay is already reluctant and Michael pushes and pushes and pushes. She must represent something he actually does want, still.

But it's always the woman's fault when relationships don't work out, isn't it? No Kay wasn't a good mob wife. She didn't want to be one. She got out with her children - that is something Michael never managed. And Apollonia is something many men imagine they want, but when they have it, they get bored. I am not saying Apollonia wasn't intelligent, but if you get told to completely erase yourself into motherhood, which means you can't offer more than comfort and sex - that's not enough for a lot of people. And it's not like these women wouldn't have had more to offer but everytime they try they get shut down. And what you get then is Carmella, which may have suited Vito - that man who craved domesticity above all else - but even Sonny and Michael needed more input from her than she could give. So Michael fell for the total opposite. And maybe Apollonia was a fierce presence who might have become to Michael what Connie became, but we can't know. We don't know what she and Michael talked about. We know she was very beautiful and made Michael laugh, and she may or may not have had a slight independent streak. That's it.

I feel that they might have worked because they clicked emotionally and Apollonia knew the life. But Michael didn't look for someone like her again. He looked for Kay, again and again and again.

If she doesn't suit him - and no, she doesn't suit a Don - Michael should try to figure out what itch he was trying to scratch with her. Oh, and that obedience shit - in my experience, boys who go on about that are deeply insecure about something. They couldn't get a well trained dog to obey them, let alone a person!

All these men who think they're owed power while being unwilling to do what they'd have to to obtain it, always want women to fawn. Men who have what it takes to gain power, should they aspire to, usually spend time honing a skill. They rarely throw their weight around putting others down. No matter where they start, the bottom or the top - they put the work in. Michael did, Sonny did, and Fredo mostly complained. As much as we see anyway. If Fredo had done a good job with what he was given, or would have found himself an opportunity, he would have won Michael's respect. Not position,but respect, like Tom. Instead Fredo demanded respect for his position as an older brother.

That's the type of man who whines about having women obey him.

#the godfather #michael corleone #kay adams #Apollonia Vitelli #fredo corleone

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luna-rainbow · 1 month

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Thanks again for answering my ask and sorry to bombard you with these.

I absolutely agree with you about Bucky and Zemo on TFatWS. This might be long as I have so many thoughts about this. The series seems to fail to understand T'Calla wasn't just someone who helped Bucky although he was of course. He was his friend. The movies don't get everything right with Bucky but I think Bucky and T'Calla's relationship is one of the high points. We don't see them much but when you do you can tell Bucky respected T'Calla immensely and not just because he's a King. He seems to be really genuinely fond of Shuri as well, asking her to call him Bucky instead of the formal Sargeant Barnes.

I know I said it before, but the Wakandans are his friends/his protectors/his adoptive family. He is not just some white guy with colonialist arrogance who expects favours from the African State. If anything its the other way around- he fought because he felt he owed T'Calla and his family a debt.

As such- I do not think he would ever have helped the person who killed T'Callas father. Yes he didn't know T'Chaka, but that is his friend's father. Its like if he found out someone killed Steve's mother and worked with them. Like slapping his friend in the face, and I can't see him doing that.

Also, finally can we talk about how the show robbed us of the emotional impact of T'Challa's death on Bucky? He's sad about Steve leaving but I firmly believe would have grieved for T'Calla too. He's lost not one but two of his best friends within a very short space of time, so he's got grief alongside all his other problems to deal with. Don't know how that man managed to stay sane. Well relatively sane and didn't have a complete breakdown.

Thanks for all the asks!

I love the idea that T'Challa and Bucky had a strong bond. I agree I think Ryan Coogler intended in that short post-credit scene to show that Wakandans have accepted Bucky as part of the family.

The kids are peering down curiously at him as he sleeps, and he doesn't startle, nor does he startle them when he wakes. There's a high degree of mutual trust there. He lives in their community, not in a boxed off high tech room like the one where he was put to sleep. They dressed him in their ethnic clothing and colour-coded it to match Steve. Someone tied (and probably combed) his hair for him when he didn't have a prosthesis. Someone has folded a blue shawl and tied it into a pretty sling to protect the stump of his arm. This is the image of a guy that was being well looked after -- not just in an impersonal, we gotta keep him alive kind of way, but in a what can we do to make his life better kind of way, and if that isn't some sort of family I don't know what is.

I mean...compare with this costume...that looks like some random sweatshirt from some sports brand worn backwards with the extra fabric pinned and pulled over tautly over his right shoulder, complete with the soft elastic cuffs and the weird neckline. Coogler put more effort into a 30 second cameo than TFATWS did for one of Bucky's most emotionally poignant scenes in a series where he's the main character. Sorry I'm never going to pass on an opportunity to shit on the series.

And like yeah, while I don't ship T'Challa and Bucky (I really like T'Challa with Nakia in the MCU), I think they're an underrated dynamic. They strike me as somewhat similar in temperament? Both peace-loving, respectful and compassionate guys, who have a strong sense of loyalty and a fierce streak when someone they love is hurt. And both Bucky and T'Challa are older brothers to younger sisters, and they both have that oldest kid sense of weary responsibility. And for someone who was broken out of 70 years of brainwashing by being reminded of a promise he made, Bucky clearly has a strong sense of loyalty and responsibility.

So yeah, it makes no sense to me that Bucky would actively do something so personally hurtful, so disloyal and irresponsible to T'Challa, without adequate justification.

As for the mourning, yeah. At the time they didn't know how Coogler was planning to write T'Challa out of the story, so that might be why the mourning wasn't in there. To be honest, Bucky's feelings about Steve was handled poorly too. As I've mentioned before, the series avoids actually addressing how Steve's departure played out. Sam and Bucky are sad about Steve's absence, but never talk about the hurtful way Endgame!Steve abandoned both of them, which is far more emotionally relevant. They talk about him as though he had died in a noble sacrifice, not dumped the world on them and went to mess up someone else's timeline.

#bucky barnes #t'challa #asks

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the-owl-tree · 1 year

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I know you haven't posted a profile leader of the isekai girls' clan yet, and if you don't have all the details for them ironed out yet (besides Honeypaw and Frostblaze both being the leaders kits) that's all good. But while looking at your latest post about the au, it got me thinking: how do you think the leader feels about 'Honeypaw''s sudden personality change, unnatural (because they're human moves) new fighting style, and tendency to walk on her hind legs? Because I'd imagine even if they weren't particularly close before Honey replaced her, it'd definitely be eyebrow raising to someone who knew her beforehand.

i'll definitely be putting the parents on my to-do list since I have thought of them, mainly because my inspiration is a mix of things that made go oooh yes or pissed me off so badly i stole them JUST to tear them apart in this lol

Honeypaw's relationship with her father, Owlstar, is strained. His relationship with her mother is purely political: he wants an heir, she wanted to join their Clan. In the books (from Frostblaze's perspective), he's written as an aloof but noble cat who can be stern but only because he cares. In the "real" world of the book...he's a standoffish, absent father who cares little about Honeypaw (due to her lack of resemblance to him) and often speaks of his disappointment (despite him having little presence in her life to guide her).

When the real Honeypaw is killed, he is sad and he does grieve...but doesn't stay for the ceremony. When she does come, he's happy! He welcomes her, nuzzles her in greeting, and visits her in the medic's den as she recovers...but it's also stilted, awkward, and suffocating for them both. He says very little and sometimes scolds her for her recklessness (and while in the book this is passed off as him "caring but struggling show it", in practice...it just comes off as apathy to Honey & Honeypaw).

I'd imagine her first few moons of weirdness is him passing it off as a cry for attention until it continues...and not only does she no longer seek his approval, she actively avoids him. Honey would realize his and Honeypaw's relationship is strained pretty early on and, to keep Honeypaw from being in a bad mood and also to avoid having her own father scold her (her body more than her soul), basically stays out of his way.

I can't imagine he'd investigate too much, he's more preoccupied with his successful heir (even if he can't reveal her yet). It's only when Honeypaw continues to poke around, find out more secrets than she's supposed to that he begins to really question what's going on.

Honeypaw's mother, Beesnap, is also different than in her story form. In the book, she's written as a volatile, self-absorbed mother who defends Honeypaw with her fierce temper no matter what her daughter does. When Honey actually meets her? Beesnap is a rogue-born she-cat and her status as truly a member of the Clan is always being questioned. As a result of being isolated and demeaned, she put on a facade of confidence and snootiness, intent on not letting them get to her. When Honeykit was born, her only daughter, she vowed to make sure her child had a better life in the Clan than she'd be given - resulting in her fierce outbursts to defend her child. Owlstar is absent in Honeypaw's life and that only made Beesnap more focused on protecting her.

Beesnap knows something's going on with her kid but doesn't confront her for some reason. She becomes a cat that Honey goes to advice to often when Splashpaw is busy. Eventually I think Honey does try to reveal the truth...but Beesnap probably doesn't take the fact that her beloved daughter's been body snatched very well.

Her unnatural behavior does freak them both out, Beesnap keeps having to whisper for her daughter to stOP WALKING LIKE THAT EVERYONE IS STARING AT YOU-

ty for asking!! i kind of went off topic but your question got me thinking so i ended up rambling lol both of these guys are mainly inspired from how wc and these specific webcomics treat parents and i think that shows

#honey's horrible time #warrior cats #wc isekai au #deer rambles #see worst trope ever is the absent dad who actually cares #because these stories LOOOVVEEE that trope #and it's almost always framed as tho “the previous body was so awful even her dad couldnt love her”#<- like stfu if he wanted to be disappointed in her he COULD'VE TRIED TO BE A DAD FIRST AND FOREMOST #and the mothers almost always get the short end #so many portray them as abusive gold diggers like holy shiiiitt #it's a side effect of having noble blood = super special rare powers #which is always shitty and bad and awful and i hope that trope diieeesss #like even when the villainess comics do this #they always end up looking to the “oh the villainness actually does have super special powers because she's got the ~special blood~”#like i'll maim you i'll maim you i hate it

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keithal · 1 year

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Do you have any supernatural fic recs?

ANON. i have been waiting since 2019 for someone to ask me this. prepare to regret this decision (FYI: i'm taking all these recs & following notes from my public bookmarks on ao3, which you can find here. i'm cutting the notes short, so if u don't mind spoiler-y drawn-out comments, check that out too if u want!)

deancas focused:

A Reasonable Amount of Trouble by xylodemon -> an spn au where dean is a p.i. and a hunter on the side, cas is still an angel, and they get caught up in a plot that's a mix of seasons 4, 6, 8, and 9. this was my introduction to spn and deancas. the characterization is flawless and the prose is beautiful (very cs pacat-esque). the plot is crafted with close attention to detail and the pacing is perfect

the point of our being by noviembre -> a post-s15 fix-it that takes place immediately after the penultimate episode. noviembre is undoubtedly my favorite spn writer of all time. one of the best dean voices i've ever come across. this ties up the narrative threads into a beautiful, sound, satisfying ending, and both destiel & saileen survive. despite the odds, they're happy.

i projected onto dean winchester when i was twelve years old and now im making it your problem by alittleduck (amidsizedfrog) -> another post-finale fix it. and, to date, the funniest thing i've ever read. every fic in this series has a good balance between scenes that make u laugh so hard u hurt ur throat and Scenes That Make You Want To Gurgle Cement.

So Says The Sword by komodobits -> a s4 au and a fandom classic for a reason. if u haven't read this, i'm of the firm belief it's best to go in as blind as possible. but definitely keep this verse in the back of ur mind while reading: "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father" (matthew 10:29)

sir this is a wendy's by noviembre -> yall remember when misha collins said that a modern au deancas would be like if a wendy's janitor and the president of the usa fell in love? well noviembre took that seriously and now we're here. and u should all be thankful bc it's somehow the single funniest and most romantic thing i've ever read

the pie isn’t a metaphor (it’s just pie) by noviembre -> post-finale s15 domestic deancas fic that's the emotional equivalent of drinking tea and lying under a warm weighted blanket. it makes me so happy and i think abt it every time i eat a pastry. i just sit there chewing like “dean and cas are eating fresh pie in their kitchen” and it puts a smile on my face.

Muscle Memory by komodobits -> a "50 first dates" au that i think abt every single day. i'm not joking. it's so sad and touching and sweet and unexpectedly funny, and no one writes deancas like komodobits. it just FEELS so them and i'm obsessed w it.

Strandlines by aeli_kindara -> au where s4 cas meets stanford-era dean. dean's voice and characterization is incredibly in-character with the early seasons and his voice doesn't falter once. and of course castiel! robotic s4 cas with this tremendous power and this fierce yet wavering loyalty to heaven that eventually focuses solely on dean! likewise, his character is spot-on and i enjoyed reading from his pov immensely.

[podfic] right hand on his rife, swore it on the bible by be_brave13 for quensty, floorsirens -> u can't possibly expect me NOT to include this. YES my friend and i wrote the fic but be_brave13's love and appreciation for it makes it feel like a completely separate work. my favorite podfic (and gift) of all time so i implore u to give it a listen.

something suddenly everywhere by noviembre -> the finest post-s15 fix-it of all time. cas is in the empty, they've defeated god, jack is gone, and all that's left is sam, eileen, dean, a bunker, and trying to move on. i know i already said that but this is the same author so it still counts! i cried, i laughed, i grieved, i jumped from excitement. it's a rollercoaster of emotions. it should be put behind a velvet rope at a museum so we can all gather around and clap.

To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess -> au where dean writes star trek fanfiction. it follows him from the beginning of the show to the older seasons and is told entirely thru his fic summaries, reader commentary, and livejournal dms. warning that it is unfinished, but it's a masterpiece

saileen focused:

Loveletter (Dear Eileen) by voynichs (Xenerik) -> a short and beautiful meditation about love and eileen from sam's pov. it's only 300 words but it feels like 15k. definitely at the top of my fave saileen fics of all time. when i first read it i stayed up until 2 am crying abt it

Livin' on a Prayer by Dredfulhapiness -> EILEEN MEETING EARLY SEASONS DEAN AND SAM I'M SCREAMING. do u understand how this could've changed the timeline but, more importantly, me as a person. eileen there when dean and sam were trying to find a way out of the deal, there when everything happened with ruby, there for dean's resurrection, there before they met cas, there after sam dies and dean retires and cas goes m.i.a. and DEALING with the aftermath of a foiled apocolypse. everyone hates the winchesters but the winchesters are gone and all that's left is eileen to deal with the brunt of it.

With Hands Clasped by Xenerik -> a handful of snippets from the eileen wedding that explores gender and religion and love so beautifully. i haven't been able to read it completely yet, but i can tell this is going to be another saileen fave.

other pairings/no pairings

The Love Story of the Runner Up by Margo_Kim -> told from the perspective of a guy cas had a brief affair with as a semi-drunken story he tells a friend in a bar. it's technically deancas but since cas's relationship with another man takes main focus, i elected to put it here.

Ten Years by Margo_Kim -> a bela talbot character study and the best i've been able to find, no contest. *rowena voice* good girls are pathetic here's to evil skanks <3

The Archangel Gabriel Is Dead by seizethefire -> fics that have half a million kudos in my mind. it's about how and why rafael comes to think that god is dead. it expertly explores the familial relationship between gabriel, lucifer, michael, and rafael. it's devastating and beautiful in equal measure. definitely a personal favorite and one i think everyone should read

put them in a box somewhere by amidsizedfrog -> a mary & dean fic told from mary's pov from before she died. a gut-wrenching story about performative/toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia and mothers.

lastly, if ur interested, i also write spn fic >:) which u can find by clicking here. happy reading!

#i have so much love for all of these i hope u like them anon!#supernatural #spn #supernatural fic #spn fic #fic rec #keith gets a question

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cornertheculprit · 1 year

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thoughts about moe’s (or acro’s I can’t remember) comparison of nick and Franziska in 2-3?

OKAY IT TOOK ME A SECOND BUT I FOUND IT:

Acro: Mr. Wright. I just realized who you remind me of... You're just like this prosecutor.

Phoenix: W-W-W-W-WHAT!?

Acro: You and the prosecutor have the same glint in your eyes.

Phoenix: Y-You're joking, right!? You think I'm like that whip carrying demon!?

Acro: Whoa... No need to get so hostile about it. You two may view things from very different perspectives... for now. But you both see the world through the same color-tinted glasses. I know because when I look at people, their eyes are the only things I can believe in.

Maya: Hmm... Nick and Von Karma, huh...

honestly given the context i think acro's assumption makes perfect sense. you gotta remember that this takes place in aa2 before edgeworth was revealed to be alive—and this was before he even transmitted the message to franziska (presumably through gumshoe?) to do a surprise search on acro's room. at this point in the game, phoenix and franziska are both still incredibly volatile when it comes to edgeworth's disappearance, and they are both people who looked for someone to blame and found it: franziska blamed phoenix, and went after him in edgeworth's name for destroying his perfect record. phoenix blamed edgeworth himself for seemingly being so prideful that he just up and left (i know it's fun for angst purposes in fanon to think that phoenix assumed edgeworth was dead, but phoenix himself says that wasn't the case—both phoenix AND franziska had some idea that edgeworth was alive. they were just angry at him for leaving). more than that, throughout the entirety of jfa so far, phoenix and franziska have been taking it out on each OTHER. if their unusally angry court confrontations (to the point where there was even a scene where the judge asked them to clarify something and neither of them said anything. they just fucking GLARED at each other until the topic moved on) weren't evidence enough, there are some moments where phoenix will deliberately refuse to engage with franziska at all. for example, in turnabout big top, here's what happens if you try to present something to franziska after the Disastrous Conversation About Edgeworth:

Maya: What about this? OWWW!! She hit me again.

Phoenix: Maybe you should hold off on the wild goose chases.

it's not even phoenix that tries to present anything, it's maya. and also throughout all these cases in jfa, phoenix is snappy and bitey and ANGRY in the same way that franziska is. the amount of people who comment on the "scary look" phoenix wears is NUTS. here's a prime example of it:

Phoenix: Why didn't you say so in your testimony earlier!?

Gumshoe: Uh... You're kinda scary today, you know, pal?

Judge: Come now, Mr. Wright... There is no need for that kind of attitude in my court...

Phoenix: ...

Judge: A-Alright. Just, please stop glaring at me like that...

phoenix may not have a whip, but he DOES have an expression fierce enough to get people quailing where they stand.

overall, i think acro's comparison of phoenix and franziska was pretty damn accurate, especially given what's happening in the game. they're angry because they're both grieving edgeworth's disappearance, and because of that, they ARE kind of viewing the world through the same color-tinted glasses. but honestly i think a case could be argued for aa1 and aa3 and their similarities as well.

#this was interesting to think about! thank you for the ask!#asks

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shrinkthisviolet · 5 months

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🐱 for Morgan!

If they're a light or heavy sleeper:

A little lighter than before but still on the heavy-sleeper side. Barry has never understood how superheroing didn’t drastically change that…but he’s glad that it means she won’t be pulling all-nighters. Probably.

(She totally does, she just doesn’t tell him 😂)

What they would do if they won the lottery right now:

If she had all that money…honestly, she already has so much, so she’d probably put it into her savings with the rest of it. While Barry and Harry both continue to try to educate her on financial literacy 😂 (Eowells, “incidentally”, did not teach her this 💀)

If they have a special item that they couldn't bear to lose:

At the moment, no. But post-s2, Tina will give her things that used to belong to Harritess…including their old camcorder. It’s bittersweet, since they ofc call her “Jesse” in those videos, but…it’s something 🥺

One negative personality trait of theirs:

She has a very hard time trusting people—always, to some degree, but especially post-s1. Even with those she loves, she’ll question how sincere they really are, what the last straw will be to finally drive them away, will often annoy them until she finds their limit. Those who aren’t as attached to her as Team Flash or James (aka newer friends) might be put off by this…and at times, they are! It’s why she doesn’t have a lot of friends outside of Team Flash—just James, Danica, and Yolanda…and for the latter two, she keeps parts of herself hidden to keep from scaring them off and tries to take them at their word even when she’s inclined to say “are you sure” a dozen times.

It’s why Caitlin snapping at Morgan in s2 is particularly rough for Morgan—Caitlin apologizes later, and also post-s2 when she fully acknowledges that Morgan was right about Hunter, but…although she wants to, Morgan can’t forget it. It’s only been a year since Eowells, and she hasn’t even started the therapy necessary to process all of that…and despite not being intentionally malicious, Caitlin still tried to dismiss the signs Morgan saw in Hunter—someone Morgan saw as dangerous.

Their favorite 70s song:

Definitely Dancing Queen by ABBA! I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor is her second-favorite 💞

(ABBA is her favorite 70s artist overall. They’ve made music in other decades ofc but she loves their 70s songs best)

The color(s) associated with their zodiac:

She’s a Libra, so blue, pastel pink, pistachio green, lavender, peach orange. At least from what I’ve been able to find 😅

Their favorite comedy movie:

Megamind! It’s still one of her favorite movies ever

About one person they've lost:

Her biological parents, Harrison and Tess, whom she knows nothing about 😭 that’s two people, but still. It causes a lot of guilt post-s1 when she has to reckon with grieving people she barely knows…wondering if she even has that right.

A quote I associate with them:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

If they're a lover or a fighter:

She’s a fighter by nature who nevertheless loves very deeply and fiercely when trust is solid 💞

oc ask game!

#oc: morgan wells #oc ask game #on the bright side…morgan WILL improve this negative trait over time

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bookwyrminspiration · 10 months

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which is worse, twilight or 50 shades of grey

Oh 100% 50 shades. I might have a bias given the twilight special interest, but I think even without my bias 50 shades is infinitely worse. It's literally like. twilight but without the vampires (and much hornier). like??? why would you not want the vampires!! if you're gonna write something horny vampires are so much fun for that

I will concede perhaps if you read 50 shades without having read twilight, it might fare better in your mind. but I have read twilight, and all I can see when reading 50 shades is how reliant it is on Twilight. It has the same characters (though some of them are a little switched/altered), but it also literally has the same plot.

In both, MC (Bella, Anastasia) meets a man who she's very attracted to (Edward, Christian) but is telling her to stay away from him, turns out he has a dark secret (is a vampire, is a sadist), they fall in love anyways. They break up after one book, leaving everyone shells of themselves until they get back together. They're being stalked by an unstable grieving individual who may hurt them (Victoria, Leila), MC is threatened to do something (come to a location, give money) because an individual important to them has been kidnapped (Renee, Mia). MC accidentally gets pregnant and Love Interest reacts poorly/isn't happy about it, but MC is fiercely protecting of unborn child.

I just. It's like when writing 50 shades EL James had a checklist of twilight plot points she was going through for her own novels. Which is like...yeah, you can do that, but the story doesn't stand on its own then. Like it's a little much at this point

And some of the qualities transferred over from one setting to another just...don't work the same. Like the post I made earlier about how Christian's anger and threats don't hit the same because he's literally just human. Yes, he's struggled with anger, but he's still human. Edward's a vampire. He can make much more important and impactful threats, and the threat of being near him is much more potent than being a sadist.

Anyway, point is I think, even taking into account my bias, that twilight's better. Because the characters and plot used in both were designed for Twilight. Everything fits and flows better, AND it's got vampires and werewolves. But this is only my opinion, so others may disagree :)

#50 shades trilogy #quil's queries #lola-legendary #also I have no clue where/when I saw this #but someone said something to the effect of 'edward would never in his life be a dom he'd start crying immediately'#and like. I think they're right #he's bossy and overbearing sometimes yeah. that does not equate to 'is a dom'#he is not. he is very much at bella's every whim #he could not exercise that kinda control over her he'd break down panicking

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oops-all-teeth · 1 year

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Hey! I am, very curious to your headcannons and story for Adaru. I was wondering, if I could ask, to hear some of them, please? ‐ @classicdeadfan

hey there!

of course! i'd love to tell you about my interpretation of adaru! i'll preface this by saying that he's a character i've been fairly attached to for a hot minute, but part of writing a character for that long does mean that my version isn't maybe. strictly canon compliant. considering the lack of canon in the first place that's probably a reasonable assumption to make, but that's just a forewarning fghfg.

if there's any specific questions you want to ask, please feel free to shoot them my way! love thinking about this guy

i'm putting this under a read more, because this'll probably get pretty long.

so, if you want a good primer of my headcanons and story for adaru, i'd recommend reading the two fics i wrote ages ago on them. while i think my writing has improved since then, they're still a pretty solid summary of the earliest parts of his backstory: root of all evil and all that's golden and green. here's the cliffnotes version:

adaru was once a mortal priest in ancient sumer, and an advisor to a royal court. taken by a mix of frustration and envy, he attempts to murder the king to take his place. this goes badly.

beaten within an inch of his life and exiled, he drags himself away from the city walls and eventually finds a moment of respite in a cave, where a spirit of fate appears to him and gives him a choice: repent here and die honourably, or seek the throne of a god.

he chooses the second one. after a bit of wandering, he finds a temple of a sleeping god whose name at that point had been long forgotten, murders them in their sleep and pretty much bathes and drinks in their blood, leading to a very unpleasant ascension.

when he wakes up again, the other gods have already found him. riding high on the rush of ascending to godliness, he crowns himself as fear.

he is promptly dragged into the forest of the gods, forcefully bound to a cedar tree. after some time, he cuts himself free and staggers away.

there's a fair amount of aimless wandering as he slowly adjusts to feeding on people's fears, and on the way he accrues a gaggle of worshippers which eventually become the heralds. at this point, he is still overly fierce, proud but also very attached to his newfound flock, which he lends his power to, leaving a path of destruction where-ever they go.

unfortunately, because he's New To This, he doesn't realise the impact his power will have on them, and as time progresses they gradually wither and transform into monstrous husks of their former selves. when they lose themselves in his arm, adaru is beset by grief, at his lowest possible point.

or it would be his lowest possible point, if the other gods had not found him and punished him for the chaos he's caused, tearing the still-new wings from his back and binding him in an early version of the lantern, and abandoning him to his fate.

now grieving both the loss of his heralds and a part of himself that'll never grow back, he resolves to become something truly worthy of being called a god of fear, and sets up a few milllennia of horrors to come

these are all the earliest parts of adaru's tenure as a god, but they kind of inform the sort of god he later becomes.

on a pure like, metaphysical level, he's kind of a weak god. his body isn't that ethereal, he's very much a thing of flesh and blood (as immortal as he might be), and he's fundamentally tied to humanity. he feeds on their fear, so if humanity dies out, he'll die out with them. (this becomes a bit of a preoccupation for him.) he's still got a lot of power and knows his craft extremely well, but he's nowhere near as powerful as, say, something like lady luck, who Literally commands people's fates.

instead, he becomes known for his ruthlessness, his willingness to get his hands bloody, and a mix of being very collected and very tenacious. it is very hard to keep this guy down, and he's proud of that. also as a result of being bound to the lantern, he's way more patient than you'd expect him to be. he's not the sort to lash out or act rashly in anger; rather, he pushes down that rage, bides his time and waits for the right moment. he knows his reputation, and he knows how to cultivate it and use it to his advantage.

unfortunately, he's also still kind of a mess. due to his experiences of being widely reviled as a villain (which is, admittedly, something he's willingly cultivated), he does internalise those feelings. there's a lot of spite and grief inside this guy that he doesn't want to address, but he does tend to expect to be blamed when things go wrong, and to some extent figure he probably has deserved it. and also immortality makes it extremely easy to neglect oneself. he despises weakness in himself. and, you know. he's not exactly good at things that involve being reassuring or comforting. god of fear, and all that.

i think the way i write him, the core of his character is like. someone who is walking an uneasy line between monster, god and human, and while he's trying to be the terrifying god-monster way more, there's a humanity in there that he doesn't want to acknowledge.

um. headcanon lightning round:

he's a transgender man. this one may seem minor but i don't know i like projecting and i have a lot of feelings about how it influences his Whole Deal. also we need more big scary monster men who are transgender. special treat for me

can quite literally taste fear, and knows what different fears taste like. i'll need to write more about this but i have ideas. there are some fears he can't stand the taste of. the taste of the fear of love, for example, is far too sickly sweet for his tastes. (this does include his own. it tastes like bile.)

complicated relationship with the lantern. while it was once solely a prison, it has become a form of sanctuary to him now, and he's kind of attached to it. sometimes you need somewhere quiet.

his former wings were mothlike. he wears those false-wings as a prosthetic.

he has a lot more scars than you'd think; some he's proud of, others not so much. the scars where his wings were are a Particularly sore spot (figuratively and literally)

he can do some freaky shapeshifting nonsense. occasionally seen with more limbs, more mouths, more teeth. less often seen in human guises. it makes him uncomfortable.

generally doesn't like possession. it's trying to fit himself into a vessel that is too small, you know? also tends to have bad side effects for everyone involved

probably respects lady luck and mary the most out of everyone here. (i'm still weirded out by the implication they're heralds. doesn't feel right. usually i ignore this)

his scars should've been cuneiform. like come on it feels obvious

manifestations of his presence involve an overwhelming sense of dread and a sudden infestation of moths

occasionally wears blindfolds. usually when he's actually dressing up for more formal affairs.

looks surprisingly cool in armour

#hhn #halloween horror nights #adaru #fear #asks #long post #body horror #sorry about the infodump but this is a character i feel really normal about

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13thwitch · 1 year

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verses

canon verses. new interactions will be put in one of these verses unless otherwise plotted.

Note: I am solely show-based, and while I may read the books, I will only use that information to supplement the show's plot and characterization, rather than to override it. If and when I change the show's plot, it's because it's what Rowan deserves. Let her kill.

PRE-SERIES A strong woman raised by a strong woman, Rowan is certainly aware of her capacity for power, though she feels as though there's something holding her back. The bizarre death of a classmate when she was a child and her sense that she doesn't know herself as a result of her closed adoption leaves her grappling with her sense of identity as time passes and she tries to determine who she is. Her restlessness and fear of abandonment develops into a fierce perfectionism, strong and almost uncanny instincts, and a refusal to put down roots, whether in a relationship (she'll take a stranger over a partner any day) or in a home (she prefers the boat). Despite her deep love for her mother, she struggles with the knowledge that she may never get real answers about her own history.

Shipping: Open.

MAYFAIR WITCHES After the death of her adoptive mother to cancer and a series of terrifying (but powerful) outbursts, Rowan finally discovers a clue as to her past that leads her to New Orleans, and to the Mayfairs. When her birth mother is killed mere moments before she and Rowan find one another, she decides to remain in the city to see her laid to rest, and to investigate the strange presence of a power she knows only as Lasher. Relying on her new alliance with Ciprien Grieve, a psychic working with the secretive Talamasca, she begins to explore the limits of her own power, if those limits even exist. Though she tries to reject Lasher and the Mayfair legacy, she finds that this is an impossible task: both are bound to her in ways she can neither deny nor reverse. Canon compliant through almost all of the first season.

Shipping: Open.

DESIGNÉE When Ciprien asks Rowan to give him the baby, she refuses—not because she doesn't trust him to respect her humanity, her autonomy, her consent, but rather because she doesn't trust the Talamasca to eliminate Lasher by any means necessary. The thought of infanticide is a painful one, but one Rowan commits to wholly. Turning to anyone and everyone who might be able to help her, witches and vampires alike, as she tries to find a way to destroy Lasher for good.

Shipping: Open.

crossovers.

ALL SOULS Most witches know the legacy into which they're born. Though Rowan is aware that something is strange about her—even wrong with her—she cannot understand what. It's only when she travels to New Orleans after the death of her mother that she begins to understand the truth: that she is one of many witches born to the terrifying and powerful Mayfair family, a widespread but insular clan of witches obsessed with the purity of their bloodline and crediting their power to some sort of being only they can see. When Lasher turns his gaze on Rowan, Rowan reaches out to the Congregation, determined to find a way to escape him, and the expectations of her newfound family.

Shipping: Open.

DRAGON AGE Born to a mage long suspected to practice blood magic, and almost certainly possessed by a pride demon, Rowan is turned over to a cousin without any magical inclinations, to be raised without knowledge of her family's long history with magic and far from the temptation of demons. When the same demon who possessed her (now Tranquil) birth mother begins to torment Rowan as well, causing bursts of magic to come forth, she's brought to the Circle at Jader, where her natural ability and hunger for knowledge leads her to discover the truth about her family's history, as well as to rise quickly through the ranks. One of the youngest First Enchanters in the Circle's history, she relies heavily on the Templars at the Circle to help protect her from the influence of the pride demon, calling himself Lasher, and to keep the Mayfairs at the Circle under control. Can be adapted for any game, though primarily set in Inquisition, as either a companion or Inquisitor.

Shipping: Open.

DUNGEONS & DRAGONS Unaware of her innate magical ability, Rowan accidentally enters into a pact with a demon, Lasher, after the death of her adoptive and birth mothers mere weeks apart: when she puts on the necklace her birth mother wore, she becomes the next designée: a sorceress who augments her power with the guidance of the family's long-term patron. As the thirteenth Mayfair to make this pact, however unintentionally, Rowan unlocks incredible power, though she is tormented by Lasher's predation and abuse, and constantly seeking ways to destroy him, even at the cost of her own power. Based primarily in Critical Role / TLOVM.

Shipping: Open.

Under construction: Game of Thrones / House of the Dragon, the Witcher, general modern. If you'd like to plot a verse that isn't listed here, message me! We'll figure something out together.

#mobile info.

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sirijanu-redux · 2 years

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so there's a lot to unpack in canon, fanon, and whatever the hell is happening in the comics about Azula Firenation.

It's kinda funny/sad that a lot of people read her self perception as who she Is, whereas....take any comparably abused 14yo girl, maybe not at the scale of literal princess and military general but you get what I mean, and the general consensus of grown ups without american protestant christian brainworms is that. Maybe. The amount she hates herself is not indicative of who or what she is? Azula's portrayed with an ego and arrogance but that's not mutually exclusive with the net negative self esteem she displays both in the breakdown pre coronation, and at the beach, and honestly in how hard she goes on her plans like with the drill into ba sing se.

Anyway.

If she were blonde, people would 100% treat her differently, they would hopefully take her 'sexier' adultified traits such as the lower raspy voice and character art and identify it as a symptom of growing up Too Fast, and being a defense mechanism instead of just Who She Is.

If she were amab, people would more likely see her as driven to survive rather than driven to please her father.

Lots to unpack, but something that shows up in AtLA for me is that character's self perception is a huge part of how they're portrayed (Toph as awesome and fierce in score and setting, Katara's moving back and forth between nurturer and grieving daughter, Aang's light attitude, how Zuko is framed through his own story). And yeah, that's basic storytelling obviously, and that they're literal children has something to do with it so the depth shown is limited that way.

Jet, when we're shown scenes in his point of view, is extraordinarily justice focused and rightfully suspicious of outsiders, and preeeetty age typical re 14yo girls. When we see him from others' perspectives, or the narrator/Aang blend, he's lashing out and scummy and so on. Which is all a pretty standard dichotomy for a western teenage dude.

Azula sees herself as the monster fandom claims she is, but step back and be a grown up for two seconds. She's a fucked up 14yo girl, give her a constructive hobby and understanding peers and she'll be fine*, she's not some evil seductress queen

#atla #saw a post got Thinking #azula meta

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maegfen · 2 years

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jopper + cafune and basorexia from the prompt list

Thanks for the prompts dear anon! They're both in here, and they pretty much follow on from each other - I hope you like them!

basorexia - the overwhelming desire to kiss

She’s imagined the scenario half a hundred times since they left California, Murray tugging eagerly at her sleeve while she rushed goodbyes to the kids, confusion written across their faces one moment and hope flashing over them the next. Joyce has imagined just how the conversation will go [“You stood me up, Hop,” she says, while grinning up at him, the roll of his eyes enough to tell her that it will all be okay], how the pair of them will slot back into old ways, how they will both grow increasingly frustrated with Murray but can’t ever get too angry with him because he brought them back together. She’s imagined the teasing and the quiet talks and the shared cigarettes while Hop tries to recover from whatever the hell they’ve done to him while in that shitty Russian prison. She’s imagined how he’ll fit right in at the new house, how she’d left a spare room available with his things in, couldn’t bear to store them in the garage, had to keep them close (and if she stole one of his shirts to sleep in, what did that matter?) how he’ll embrace El, his (their) daughter, and Will and Jonathan, and slowly, ever so slowly, things will go back to as close to normal as the Hopper-Byers group could ever get.

What she hasn’t imagined, however, is how she feels the instant she sets eyes on him, his back pressed against a wall, shaved head and a week’s worth of stubble adorning his face, a fierce look in his eyes as he faces demogorgon and guards alike, a lit spear in his hand and a trickle of blood running down his cheek from an injury that doesn’t seem to bother him. There’s a tug at her heart, a feeling that she’s taking the first full breath since she stumbled out of Starcourt into Will’s arms all those months ago. There’s the sudden sound of gunfire, of Murray yelling something in Russian as a distraction, and guards screaming and scattering as the monster from the Upside Down chases them down with a violent ferocity. Joyce watches, horrified, as Hop whistles, draws the attention of the demogorgon and neatly skewers it as it rushes at him, the limp corpse falling to the floor in a heap and quickly forgotten.

The fight’s over in seconds. Joyce stands on the far edge of the courtyard, watches as Hopper spins, looking for an exit, spots her and then freezes, a blank, almost dumbstruck expression on his face. She understands, she really does - she wouldn’t expect to see Joyce Byers standing in the courtyard of a Russian prison either.

Joyce doesn’t know what to do, all thoughts of words and conversations pushed from her mind, so she just… waves. A ridiculous wiggle of her fingers, as if she’s seen him outside of the store for the first time in a couple of days, rather than grieved for him over the last four months.

She hears his bark of laughter across the now quiet courtyard and Hop runs, sprints over to her, all long legs and power, with a speed he probably hasn’t achieved since high school.

“Hi,” she utters as he stops in front of her, and the tug at her heart, the desperation to have him close, to relay all the pain and grief and joy and love that she’s feeling, is completely overwhelming. Hop doesn’t reply, and Joyce doesn’t think he’s capable, probably still trying to take everything in. So, rather than confuse him with words, she goes for action instead.

She pulls him down to her, presses her lips to his as one hand rests against his cheek and the other clutches desperately to his arm, afraid to let him go. Joyce feels Hop’s hands rest at her waist, then encircle her, pulling her closer as he deepens the kiss. There’s a sob too, but she’s not sure who it’s from, and nothing matters, nothing else except for keeping this man, this idiotic, boorish, incredible, brave man, close.

“J-Joyce? What the fuck are you doing here?!” he utters into her neck, as he eventually pulls away, breath warm against the cold of the Siberian air. This is not how she imagined the conversation going, so she shrugs and simply says “I missed seeing your stupid face around the place, decided to come and get it back,” before pulling him down for another kiss, the urge to keep doing so overwhelming, the tight grip of his hand in her coat nothing to the feel of his chapped lips against hers.

“Hey lovebirds, now is not the time! As beautiful as this romantic reunion is, we need. To. Leave!”

Murray’s voice penetrates the foggy euphoria of their kisses and Joyce groans as Hop lets her go.

“Carry on this… conversation… later?” he asks, that familiar smile back on his face.

“Absolutely,” Joyce whispers, pressing one more quick kiss to his lips and tugging at his hand to pull him towards the open door to their left, Murray frantically ushering them inside.

They’re going home. ~*~*~

cafune - the act of running your fingers through the hair of someone you love

It isn’t until a few minutes have passed that Joyce even realises what she’s doing. She’s leaning against the arm of the couch, head supported by her hand as another infomercial starts; the remote is hidden somewhere under the cushion at her back but Joyce doesn’t have the heart to shift and disturb the man lying on her. Her other hand, the one not not supporting her head, drifts through soft hair, carding slowly through the surprisingly soft texture, her almost blunt nails scratching gently at Hop’s scalp as he twists slightly to make himself more comfortable. She can feel the slight bump of a scar, the one he got in ‘Nam and doesn’t talk about, brushes over it gently as if trying to memorise it, a part of him. There’s a new scar too, above his right ear, where a guard had caught him in that final, brutal fight with the demogorgon three months ago. Her hand continues to drift through Hop’s hair, no sense of pattern or rhythm, just small delicate movements so that she doesn't disturb him. He’d had passed out from exhaustion 20 minutes ago, a long shift at the station and then a short run with El to the edge of town and back enough to cause him to flop on the couch as soon as he’d entered the room. (It was something he’d not been able to shift since Russia, a need to keep moving, keep alert, to breathe in the fresh air and embrace all the wide open spaces he could. El appreciated the chance to get out, spend some one on one time with her Dad.) Joyce peers down at her hand, watches her fingers disappear through the short, brown hair that seemed to be taking an eternity to grow. It had taken a few weeks for it to be more than uncomfortable stubble, and she had frequently observed him in the morning sweeping a hand over his head and frowning at the different feel - he’d confided in her that he’d not had hair this short since he’d shaved it off at boot camp, and he hated the way it felt as it was growing. When Joyce had first seen him in the courtyard of that Russian prison, she’d appreciated his shaved head and stubble - it had given him a different, tougher look - but it hadn’t been her Hop. After their escape and return to California, the hair (or lack of it) had been a strange talisman for their combined trauma surrounding the events at the Starcourt Mall. It had upsetting connotations for them both (trapped, alone, scared, always scared…) and so he’d started to grow it out as soon as he’d planted himself back into the Byers’ house.

His head rests on her lap, his long legs poking off the end of the sofa, the furniture too short for all of the men in her life now, both sons included, and it’s almost farcical how much space Jim Hopper fills, even when dozing. He snores slightly, the sound muffled by his arm over his face; it’s rare to see him so at peace - he’s still jittery and wary in places filled with familiar faces and strangers alike, situates himself in the corner of rooms so he can see all the angles, so he can watch people as they approach (he hasn’t been able to get coffee for the last month, too afraid of his back being open and vulnerable, always waiting for someone, something, to approach him from behind after someone shoved into him by accident at the local cafe…) Joyce, in a moment of clarity at her actions, suddenly stops, realises he probably doesn’t appreciate being touched without permission (they’re taking it a step at a time, the rushed, frantic kisses of their reunion the furthest their relationship has gone in the months following.) The feelings linger, words have been mumbled and shared and taken in (I thought of you, every day. I missed you. I’m sorry. I love you. Me too.) but it’s a slow process; they both have so much baggage that she’s willing to wait.

Joyce draws her hand away from the soft growth of his hair, the slight cowlick that he tries to hide under his hat starting to grow back. It’s still short, but soft, and Hop seems more himself the longer it grows.

“Don’t stop,” she hears him mumble then, his eyes still closed and breathing steady as he drifts back slowly from unconsciousness.

“Sorry,” Joyce mutters, resting a hand on his shoulder, and weaving her hand back through his hair. “Didn’t know if you wanted me…you know… to touch..." She trails off, unsure of what to say, failing to find the words to explain that she's finding it calming and reassuring herself, knowing that he's safe and here.

“‘s comforting… nice,” Hop hums and Joyce smiles as his own hand drifts down over the edge of the couch, traces a slow, ghosting trail up her bare calf, before coming to rest on her knee, not possessive or sexual but comforting, as if he’s making sure she doesn’t leave him. "I'm not going anywhere Hop," Joyce utters, feels his hand squeeze her knee a little and hears him mumble a soft "I know... thanks," under his breath. She smiles, and continues to run her fingers through his hair as she feels him drift off again.

#jopper #prompt fills #lucy writes stuff #lucy talks to anons #fic

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thefallenangelsgang · 3 years

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I think I found the man I would have married if I didn't know I was queer...

There's this feeling I get in my chest when I see him. I've realized it's nostalgia and a painful longing for something I've never known. We have this rapport together. We always have even though I've known him for less than 4 years. He's just so sweet and wonderful. And a great person. We've got the same jokey humor and niche interests (he is way into sword fighting, I was a star wars nerd as a kid and knew all the lightsaber forms. We're both musically inclined, love acting, both know a little too much about FNAF that everyone kinda goes WTF when we talk about it. Him because he took a dumb bet that he has to beat all of the games, me because my brother never stops watching game theory.) We can tease each other and randomly wail on each other with our fists without it triggering any of our collective trauma. Yeah he's a dumbass sometimes. I have to tell at him to do stuff and not to do stuff. But he's a teenaged boy. They're all impulsive dumbasses.

We refer to each other as husband and wife after we did a musical where our characters played parental roles to the Lead Male. And even after almost a year we still joke that we need to get our divorce papers filed. And now we're playing two characters getting engaged in the Senior Class Play. And he's gonna be my first kiss because of it.

And I know for certain if I wasn't very much not into men I would be 100% into him

Who am I kidding! I'd be head over heels for him!

But I'm not. I never will be.

And I keep thinking "Thank God I knew I was ace and gay before I met him." Because if I didn't... Boy if I didn't.

If I was the perfect little small town Christian like my old church and school want me to be. I'd image we would be dating. And I imagine we'd have been already dating for a while by now. And I'd be rethinking my career to stay close to him while he goes to school for surveying. And fuck, maybe we'd end up like our characters from the play. Young and engaged and stuck in our shit hole tiny ass hometown. And I know right then is when it would click.

I don't love him romantically. I don't even find him all that attractive either. I'd realize I'd dread having sex. And I would feel like something is deeply wrong with me. And the church would too.

But there isn't. There never was, never has, never would be anything wrong with me being a Genderqueer Asexual Lesbian. And there isn't anything wrong with me loving him platonically. I'm just sad because I've met someone who would be the love of my life under different circumstances. Because for all I know it could be another 17 years before I actually meet them.

I've always loved and loved fiercely. But now I understand why heartache comes with love. And why loving so flippantly can be dangerous. Will I continue to love everyone in my life frankly? Yes. Will heartache stop me? No.

Just be gentle with your heart and everyone else's. Allow it to grieve. But let it feel joy too. And childlike wonder. Life isn't all that bad. I promise.

#a love letter to everyone

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beelas-bees-art · 4 years

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10% Left AU// Chapter Two

With a fierce squeal, Applefur slashed Snowtuft's belly. He squirmed but succumbed to exhaustion, leading to his death as he left a puddle of black sludge in his absence. She then scanned the horizon, searching for anymore enemies, but all she can see are the bodies of her fallen clanmates. Shrewfoot gives her a silent glance, once they've determined everything safe, they can relax. Shrewfoot checks inside the den they had been guarding "It's safe. You can come out now." Applefur looks back to see her two remaining clanmates emerge, she blinks in surprise. "Cedarheart and Snaketail? Where is everyone else?" Snaketail shook their head but paused as their ears pricked at something. A kit mewling. Cedarheart immediately dived back into the den and, after a couple of heartbeats, he brought out two scraps of fur, one bigger than the other. Applefur's gaze softened at the sight of Mistkit and Spikekit, from two separate litters, Mistkit was about 3 moons but Spikekit still looked newborn.

"That's it then?" Shrewfoot exclaims "We're the last remainin' cats of Shadowclan?" She laughs hysterically, claws scraping at the moss under her.

Applefur is quick to rebuttal this "No! There- there has to be others around."

Applefur cuts herself short as Snaketail approaches her with a hiss. "You!" They jabbed a claw into her chest "Shouldn't be here! You don't deserve to have survived while real, loyal warriors died." Shrewfoot gawked at this.

Cedarheart, after having set down the kits in his mouth added "You should be crowfood with the rest of those Dark Forest cats, like Redwillow!"

The two elders attacked Applefur with their words and she couldn't fault them. They were right, she had been allied with the Dark Forest before the battle. She gazed out over the camp turned battlefield and at all of the dead bodies, every death weighing on her shoulders.

"Oi!" Shrewfoot interrupted, getting in front of Applefur protectively "she fought alongside us, didn't she? I'm sure Apple has payed for whatever crimes she committed but we don't have time for this." Shrewfoot easily reassured the two elders, having them both plop down with a sigh. "Firstly, I see a cat that ain't Shadowclan standing over there, Applefur, go check 'em out."

Applefur considered stammering out a protest but this was a chance to prove her loyalty to Shadowclan, so she padded towards the brown and white dappled molly.

After hearing pawsteps, the molly turned her blue eyes towards Applefur, her hackles raised but she forced them to flatten down.

Applefur stopped a foxlength away "Applefur of Shadowclan, you?" She inquired.

The molly paused a moment, looking down at the cat near her paws, before responding "Poppyfrost of Thunderclan."

Applefur had guessed as much considering her scent, she glanced at the cream-colored cat at her paws. She instantly recognized the problematic Thunderclan tom from gatherings, Berrynose. The once talkative warrior lay silent and dead, his face still contorted in anger.

When Applefur looked back at the Thunderclan cat still standing, she saw the intense sadness in her eyes "That was my mate, Berrynose. We had two kits together, they're apprentices but I haven't seen them."

Applefur barely remembered the announcement at a previous gathering, Cherrypaw and Molepaw. Her heart ached for the grieving cat but she needed to focus "Could you come with me to the rest of Shadowclan?" Poppyfrost stared at Berrynose's body once again before giving a pitiful nod.

Stepping over the forms of dead clanmates, the both of them swiftly made it back to the group. Applefur made to sit down but Shrewfoot prevented her with a swish of her tail.

Noting the motion, Applefur continued to stand at attention, albeit uncomfortable, and turned to face the dappled cat.

"This is Poppyfrost of Thunderclan. She seems to be able to walk and speaks properly." Applefur confirmed.

Poppyfrost laughed nervously "What's with this?" She flattened her fluffy ears against her head, a notion of unease and hesitance.

"Just inspectin' your condition, dear." Shrewfoot stated rather matter-of-factly, she circled around the Thunderclan molly, paws landing with precision and care. One couldn't wonder why she earned the name "-foot".

The wounds on the warrior's coat were not gushing but rather trickling and no care was immediately needed, which was good, the cat narrowed her eyes by instinct at being scrutinized by former enemies.

"Okay... you've had your fun now stop pretending to be better than me, come off it."

Shrewfoot stopped circling and stopped in front of Poppyfrost's face, she examined the molly's stature. "Are ya hungry?"

Poppyfrost blinked in disbelief, so did the elders "Huh?"

"I said what I said didn't I?" Shrewfoot flicked her tail on Poppyfrost's chin, half-apologetically, half-teasing "Well for now you're a guest in our camp, gotta make sure you're keeping healthy." Shrewfoot crossed the camp to check on the prey pile, doing her best to avoid looking at the dead cats, just to find the fresh-kill ruined and flattened.

"Hmm," she twitched an ear, she then turned to look at Applefur "Apple, go get her a frog please?"

Applefur nodded, knowing it was more a command than a request. Feeling uneasy, the mottled brown molly left in search of prey.

Once alone, Applefur could feel the sting of her wounds. She lifted a paw to her right eye to feel the cut, she had been blinded. A great despair clawed at Applefur from inside her chest, a feeling that things weren't right in her little world.

A feeling that I shouldn't be standing...

Applefur shook the grim thought from her mind, but similar ones took its place while she searched for prey. Every corner she looked she found a new body, every time she inhaled she picked up the scent of death instead of food. The feeling only grew stronger once she found the body of her brother, Toadfoot.

Taking the time to reel in her racing mind, Applefur crouched down beside the tom's body. His fur was cold and matted with blood and his face remained strained even through death, but his familiar scent was still there. She gently pushed her face into her brother's usually well-groomed fur, letting out her grief in little sobs. After a few heartbeats, Applefur gathered her wits once more, she muttered a quick prayer.

"Starclan... if you would dare listen to a traitor's plea," she took a breath and lifted her head to the sky "Please guide Toadfoot to your endless wood and let him rest easy in the stars as he deserves."

As expected, receiving no answer from the stars, Applefur continued to search for prey until she heard something suspicious.

A twig snap.

Instinct told her it was danger, that another Dark Forest cat was waiting to kill her, another part of her reassured it was just a mouse.

However when she spotted green eyes staring at her from the bushes, she could deny it no longer.

Like a fox-heart, instead of attacking the hidden cat she let out a wail of fear. Backing up so abruptly that she tripped over the tree roots and fell miserably to the dusty earth.

She heard the bushes rattle and accepted her fate with no fight left in her.

Someone like me... she thought. Shouldn't be around anyway.

But no searing pain followed the rustling, instead the soft, albeit big, paw of a cat rested upon her shoulder.

"Um. Hello?" The voice of a molly piped up from her would be attacker.

Applefur just couldn't seem to gather the courage to look up, let alone reply. Instead she whimpered in agony as feelings of despair and hopelessness flooded her.

"Woah!" The paw quickly released whatever weigh was put on Applefur, the unknown molly jumped back in worry "I'm sorry! I didn't hurt you, did I? I thought the wildcats were supposed to be tough." The last part was more to herself than Applefur but the poor excuse if a warrior paid it no mind.

Applefur, still, couldn't bare to move from her uncomfortable position but managed to speak up "Are you going to kill me?" She hated how her voice sounded weak, she would end up in the Place of No Stars for sure "If so, please do it already."

A startled yelp resounded from the molly "Of course not! Are you hurting that badly hun?" The cat made to help her but thats when Applefur's strength flooded back into her muscles. She fiercely stood to face her attacker.

Applefur was a fool to think the hesitant molly was a Dark Forest warrior, rather if she had used her brain sooner she would have realized that the cat was a mere kittypet, although missing the collar. Her pelt was mostly dark ginger, with a white muzzle, underbelly and tail, black legs, face and rings on the tail. Her green eyes now sparkled with fear now seeing that Applefur was well enough to move.

Applefur thought what to do next, and that was to follow Shadowclan protocol.

"State your name, now." The harsh snap of her tone was enough incentive for the kittypet to reply.

"Panda..."

End of Chapter Two

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#warriors #warriors cats #warriors au #10% left au #poppyfrost #applefur #shrewfoot #cedarheart #snaketail #spikekit #panda #warriors oc #mistkit #YALL THOUGHT I BE SLEEPING #no im not done with this story #enjoy! i wasnt sure how to end it #oh also imma post some stuff about the story that isnt a chapter soon #but it may spoil some stuff *shrug*#ten percent left au

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