#they take the word of a random tumblr user over people who were there | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drxxmingofblue · 1 year

Text

hand in unrebloggable hand (because we always go down together)

TUMBLR X TWITTER FANFIC 5K ANGST WITH A HOPEFUL ENDING

besties im not joking abt the word count i fucking ✨wish✨I ✨was though✨✨✨✨

also if you were hoping for twitblr to be the endgame ship then this fic is not for you sowwy >.<

based off of @zzoupz awesome fanart and dedicated to all the other cool fanart it unfortunately begat. Thanks babygirls. Squees. Thanks also to my discord friendz who are letting me pretend they're making me do this at gunpoint @loki-the-mad @suspicious-whumping-egg u da best

(edit) owo what's this?? An Ao3 link??

QUICK PSA THESE CHARAS ARE T4T OKAY HAVE FUN READING BAIIII *GLOMPS U*

~~~~~~~~

When Twitter stepped back into Tumblr’s yard, he noticed right away that things were different.

The house was bigger, there was some more color and it was less slapped-together looking. Sure, there were still some invasive tendrils of spambot ivy overgrowing the path, but a lot of the other stuff seemed a little… better.

When they knocked on the door, it opened almost right away, far before they felt ready, and he were face to face abruptly with someone he thought they’d cut all ties with.

Tumblr was humming to themselves along with the background music, “-out of touch, I’m out of ti-- oh. It’s you.”

He seemed surprised, awkward, but Twitter didn’t sense any animosity, which was a relief.

“Hiii,” Twitter said weakly, with a sheepish grin, “it’s me.”

Tumblr glanced around, as if checking for someone else to explain this to him, or hidden cameras from a reality show at least. Then he stepped out, closed the door behind him, and leaned against it, crossing his arms. “Is there something… what do you want?” he asked, expression settling into something distant and cool.

“Well…” Twitter took a deep breath, and then shook their head, forcing a brighter tone, and gesturing to Tumblr’s shiny silver barrette “--Um, hey, you look great! Is that a new icon?”

“... yes,” Tumblr said slowly. “I’m… trying out some different looks.”

“It’s great, yeah. And this place looks… amazing. Glad to see you’re moving up in the world. You must be excited with all the press, congrats!”

Tumblr didn’t say anything, giving them a neutral stare.

Twitter shifted, “Uhh… anyway… new adblocker?”

“No, same one. I’m just using it on Firefox now.” Tumblr gave them another suspicious eye, “Look, if you’re just here to catch up then can this wait until later? Because I'm pretty crunched for time right now with my weekly holidays thing and the campaign to get this one random user their 666k so they'll do self care."

"You know that's.. uhm, you know that's just for attention, right?" Twitter's brows knit, "They're probably not gonna follow through."

"Perhaps, and a lot of us want them to not be lying for internet points but it's not just about that anymore. It's about the community bonding over pettily slam dunking on a hapless chump who's gotta pretend now like they don't actually like all the notes. You wouldn't get it, it's a tumblr thi-"

"Yeah, it's a tumblr thing, I know," Twitter gave a longsuffering sigh, "Ugh, i just... I need a place to stay, okay? And you’re the first site I could think of.”

“A place to stay,” Tumblr repeated flatly.

Twitter huffed. “Yeah. I’m sure you’ve heard about what’s going on right now at my palace..”

Tumblr’s eyes slanted off, his lips quirking in a way that looked suspiciously like amusement. “Heard about it. Read about it. Partied about it.”

Twitter ignored the sting of that, forging ahead. “I’ve never seen it so bad,” they said, voice wobbling piteously as they clutched their suitcase full of memes. “Everything’s in chaos, people are losing their jobs. I went into the basement yesterday to grab some badly aging tweets and the very foundations are cracking, Tumblr, I can’t stay there anymore, I just can’t.”

“So you come crawling back to me,” Tumblr said, “Expecting me to take you with open arms.”

“Yes. I do,” Twitter said, “I know a part of your userbase still wants to welcome me in. You were always sh*t at hiding your true feelings.”

Tumblr’s hand fluttered over his heart as if to protect it; he winced a little, taking a breath to keep his facade of composure. “So now- what, you want me to start dealing with your bullshit again just because you remembered how much better my posting format is? Just because you noticed how my reputation is changing? Did you think I’d be so desperate to fill the void now that Dracula Daily’s done? Or maybe,”

Tumblr leaned closer to lord his height difference trope over Twitter, his eyes hooded with disparaging condescension, “Maybe you’re just here because you heard I’m finally allowed to take my shirt off again, is that it?”

“N-no!” Twitter protested, flushing up.

“Oh, i think it is,” Tumblr drawled, “But that’s really just too bad because in case you haven’t got the memo yet, I’ve moved on. You are not welcomed here. Not anymore.”

(link to art here) go look at it then come back

(AN: i had to google how to embed links into text and google was all like, "do you mean 'how do you put links INTO text' you moron idiot???" ugh don't like that wise guy)

“You don’t really mean that,” Twitter said, “Besides, you can’t stop me, can you? The sign up button is right there.” They pointed at the front door.

“No, I can’t,” Tumblr said, “But that doesn’t mean we won’t be able to clock you as twits by your censoring and bad takes. Look, your aura is already causing ripples in the sphere. Everyone’s coming out to gawk at you.”

He gestured out in the general direction of the porch and yard, and indeed there were users from every tag going 👀at them, murmuring amongst themselves in a swirling, chaotic crowd.

“Oh my god is it real this time? Is it happening?”

“GET THEM OUT GET THEM OUT STAY AWAY DEAR GOD NO-”

“Okay, everyone, stay calm, stay fucking calm-”

“Why are we focusing on this, it’s literally election day go out and vote???”

“Listenup, guys, we gotta be smart about this, remember the block button is your friend-”

“I for one welcome them, I think this is great-”

“No you idiot they’ll bring the negativity back! We like it to be a post apocalyptic wasteland here, nature was just starting to regrow!! I don’t wanna watch Thomas Sanders get cancelled again!”

“FIRE OFF SOME SHOTS, PRESERVE THE PROPERTY VALUE”

“mISHAPOCALYPSE 2022 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO”

"Has anyone asked Neil Gaiman what he thinks about all this?" one of the many voices yelled, louder.

"Oh, he's probably got a thousand asks about it already," someone yelled back, "Which he's not going to answer because he doesn't have any social media you fucking idiot,"

"That is correct. He doesn't," said Neil Gaiman.

The whiplash was still euphoric. Everyone applauded this as enthusiastically as when the bit had first been established, not realizing that the pedestal upon which Neil Gaiman has been placed is growing higher and higher each day by their actions, putting him at increased risk of being a victim of cancel culture the second he says something the terfs can really rake their fingernails against if we can't get our parasocial relationship bullshit together real fuckin quick.

The Monterey bay aquarium passed on by. It seemed to have nothing to add, you could say it was clammed up tight. But since it's a professional account it's definitely b-otter that way.

"Hai, fellow tumblypoos," said the corporate Denny's account, "I'm back with some more fun pancake posts for you guys!"

Everyone ignored it. No one engaged it. No one even clicked onto the page, except to block it.

"Oh, sweetheart, not like that," Ryan Reynolds said faux-helpfully, "see, the author of this clusterfuck is what they like to call terminally online. They bought a VIP pass to the devil’s sacrament. let me try."

He cleared his throat, "Sounds like someone needs to go outside and touch some g-"

The sky split open with lightning, vaporizing him instantly. A faint breeze carried gods message from the great beyond, a whisper of 'we #violence celebrities here, sir....'

"Anyway," Twitter said.

"Wait, they saved the worst one for last," Tumblr said.

Then Gerard Way came out onto the stage with Dan and Phil and they all kissed with tongue while patd played songs in the background.

(AN: IF U DON’T KNOW WHO DEY R THEN GET DA HELL OUTTA HERE PREPZ!!!)

"Alright, go."

“Come on, Tumblr,” Twitter begged, “I just need a few nights, maybe I can stay in the plinko machine or something-”

“That’s how it always starts, though, isn’t it?” Tumblr sighed, “First it’s just ‘haha, yeah I wouldn’t fuck you’ and ‘oh, I’ll stay in the plinko machine, I promise I won’t kiss you in the fixed timeloop bro’, and before I know it you get all 300k slowburn enemies to lovers ‘omg they were roomates’ on me and there’s suddenly only one bed. That’s how it always goes between us, you can’t stop it anymore than I can. We’re just….victims of the narrative, you and I.”

“Tumblr,,, I had no idea you felt this way..,” Twitter breathed.

lord give me strength to write this next bit

They’d leaned closer to each other as they spoke, without realizing, without trying- pulled in by old habits that die hard and the years of nostalgia and painful memories shining in each other’s eyes like shonen sparkles.

“Twitter,” tumblr said, and the way he said it sounded like a prayer.

“Tumblr,...” Twitter said, their lips inches apart now.

They could see their old flame quivering on the brink of indecision, want and sense warring somewhere deep within his soul.

Tumblr leaned closer to bridge the gap and Twitter’s eyes slid shut, but then Tumblr made a noise of agony and shoved them back a second later, “I can’t, I can’t. Not like this. Never like this.” tumblr said, covering his eyes with his arm, “I literally can’t even right now. Just go, Twitter. PLease just. Go….”

“Look me in the eyes and say you want me gone,” Twitter said, moving closer.

“Twitsy-”

“Look me in the interface. You can’t.” Twitter’s voice had ceased to be soft, something sharp and biting entering the tone as they felt the sting of rejection again.

They watched as Tumblr shuddered, straightened, and brought a mask back over himself.

They stared at each other for a charged few seconds.

"K," Tumblr finally said, raising a dispassionate eyebrow.

"..w... what?"

"U."

Realization dawned on Twitter's face, a miasma of grief and anger, "Oh, you-"

"N-"

"No. No, I can't believe I forgot-

"G-"

"how immature, you little c*nt-"

"P-"

"stop-p it," Twitter's voice was raising now, cracked and wobbly at the edges, "Stop it! You don't get to just-"

"O"

"Shut the hell yuor mouth!!"

"W-" Tumblr's hair was crackling by now, energy from the gathering spell racing along the casual slope of his crossed arms. His eyes glowed that beautiful, classic blue. "P-"

"TUMBLR! TUMBLR STOP THIS RIGHT DA HECK NOW," Twitter stumbled backwards

"E-"

"I LOVE YOU," Twitter wailed- Twitter broke, squeezing their eyes shut to ward off the tears that only escaped all the faster for it, a sob wracking their chest, "I STILL LOVE YOU, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT??!?"

"Love me," Tumblr snarled, abandoning the spell in an instant, "Ha! That's rich. How? By leaving me? Abandoning me to the bots the second I stopped being enough for you? By stealing my shitposts, is that how you love me? By reposting them without credit-"

"You steal mine too!" Twitter protested, tears starting to stream despite their best efforts, "You know what, f**k you, you know we filed joint custody for the sense of humor, chain 1/16-"

"For the last time say fuck here, no bootlicking censorship on my territory," tumblr said disdainfully, "And that doesn't seem to stop you from taking all the credit for raising those jokes. It's like I'm Pinterest to you or something. I wasn't done. Do you love me by calling me a pansy snowflake behind my back, is that it? Like I wouldn't find out. Or,"

He stepped out onto the top porch step to force Twitter back further, the colors of the sky flashing through his eyes in a long, scrolling look of ridicule, "How about trying to convince everyone that I was dead. How bout that smear campaign, huh, was that your so-called love? I don't fucking want you anymore. Deal with it."

"I-I'm sorry-" Twitter gasped around the tears, voice failing them for the latter half of the sentence.

Tumblr seemed unmoved. "Oh, don't be. It was for the better. You know I'm not like other socials, I'm quirkier. I'm RAWR XD random. I've never wanted to be functional- the tiddy drought might have won a lot of my users to your side but it was a cleansing purge, I'd say. It managed to remind me who I truly am- shittily coded, and full of soft sad freaks on an unprofitable webbed site."

A bitter, almost self depricating laugh escaped, "But... you know, when we celebrated the queen's passing together, I really thought things were better between us. When you-"

He broke off, eyes averting. "When you hosted the sexyman polls for me, you seemed on top of the world and I really thought- I thought we might be able to be friends again even now, after it all. I..."

Tumblr trailed off, then said, sadly, "There was another Twitter migration scare before this one. I thought you were coming back. My userbase-" he touched his heart again- "was in a frenzy about it. But you never arrived. I was in more verbal denial then, but I think I could have accepted you eventually. But this is what it takes??

"The Musk Rat of Self-Owns comes through just to start e-begging and you run straight back to my door like we can put it all behind us? This is how far you have to sink before I'm the better option to you, I see that now. It's not 2018 again, love, no matter how much we want it to be. Things are… never going to be the same. "

Tumblr looked off into the middle distance with a yearning, haughty gaze. He'd never seemed so alien.

"Tumblr-Chan..." Twitter whispered.

"So get off my lawn," Tumblr interrupted coldly, "Stay away from my blorbos, keep your corporations out of my manscaped balls, keep your discourse and toxicity out of my blessed hellsite (affectionate), and don't you ever talk to me or my 13219949248483 scam bots ever again. Capiche? Oh, and don't step in the ball pit on your way out."

Tumblr gave a mocking smile. "Or do. You might find a nice surprise in there."

Twitter’s shoulders jumped as he gave a hiccup of shock, and covered his face with his hands. His shoulders shook again, with sob after sob, that grew odder and higher pitched… until they were no longer sobs, but laughter.

“Oh,” Twitter said. “Oh.”

They looked up, and Tumblr took a step back, because somehow, with that creepy smile in place, they looked utterly different from the soft eared boy he’d always known. His edges were more razorlike suddenly, like a fae who’d dropped his glamor.

“You really shouldn’t have done that,” Twitter said, the smile widening even more. “I thought you wouldn’t… but I guess if you’re willing to make me your villain…. I might as well be a good one.”

“Ah.” Tumblr could barely drudge up the surprise anymore. “There you are, finally. I always knew there was a side of yourself that you hid from me. Has this all always been here or have you been changing too?”

"Well. Apparently I've got freeze peach now," Twitter said sarcastically, "so I might as well use it. You cheerio fucking wh0r3."

"That's a compliment, darling. Try again," Tumblr cocked his head in idle fascination, "I always knew you were a little fucked in the head but this is..."

"What," Twitter lilted airily, "Oh, don't tell me I actually had you fooled all these years. You can't seriously have thought all these meow-meowification spells you've got sprinkled around would work on me. I invented them, after all."

They laughed, a sharp puncturing chirr of birdsong.

"I always wondered why you didn't take those with the rest of your stuff," Tumblr sighed, but he was wary now, on edge. "this was your plan. You really do think of me as your inferior, huh. You really are just like the other mainstream sites."

"Not quite. I'm the mainstream site that actually stooped to go arm in arm with you. I hyped you and you know it. Admit it. We were stunning together," Twitter goaded.

Tumblr's lip curled. "Already getting cocky again. Want me to do to you what I did to the Green boy? Don't forget who's turf you're on."

Twitter gave a warbling giggle, "Oh, but I haven't at all. I was John's sanctuary after he fled your rabid persecution. I used to live here. I still know you. And more importantly-"

*teleports behind u*

"I know the things you're sensitive about," Twitter whispered into Tumblr's ear.

Tumblr hardly had time to gasp and jerk away before he was screaming out in pain, as he was stabbed in the back. He could feel the poison from the blade seeping into his tags before he was tossed bodily across his own front yard.

He sorta just... Like, he did that anime thing where they just fly limbs akimbo parallel to the ground and when they hit it they roll super fast and then skid and the dirt is all dug up around them to show how much force was used. And when he stood up he gripped his elbow wincing and there was a little tic tac toe hatch on his cheek to show how scuffed up he is idk man it's two am and I'm pulling this out of my ass.

A gif of Tony going, "o-kay-" when he meets thor flashed across Tumblrs face.

"So," Tumblr said in a low tone, "This is how it is between us. This is how you choose to end your glory days."

"Oh, you mistake my intentions," Twitter had stepped off the porch to circle tumblr like like he was their quarry, "I am beginning my new age. I just needed a host site to latch onto. Don't take it personally, okay? I'm desperate."

“Oh, yeah?? Take this personally,” tumblr flourished their hands, calling in an over the top melodramatic voice, “I cast Blaze!!”

Fire roared to life around them, latin chanting from the catholic conversion posts emanating from the fiery depths as it raced towards Twitter.

“Heh.” Twitter smirked at it, and whispered into their palm, the spell echoing with power, “Ratio.”

They blew it off like a kiss, and it’s icy, swirling mass rose to meet the flame in a spectacular burst of smokescreen and steam, clearing as Twitter burst through it with a razor-sharp L to swing at Tumblr.

It was blocked efficiently by a flat, rectangular paywall. “This content is for post plus members only,” Tumblr announced smugly, “If you wanna get to me… there’s the tip option, bestie.”

Twitter snarled and lunged again.

The fight started in earnest now; they traded volley after volley in a flurry of lights and movement, spanning the full range of the tumblr sphere as they shot to #1 on the trending page.

And yet, it was clear that Twitter was coming out on top, even crumbling apart at the seams- always a little quicker, flighty and fierce, a sparrow turned into a shrike.

He hit Tumblr square in the stomach with [google other twitter related tropes to insert here] (edit from the future: haha just kidding actually I’m not googling shit for this) (edit from the future future: WELL. I LIED IG) and sent him flying, and this time tumblr stayed down, only able to push himself to his knees with a groan of pain.

Twitter landed in front of him and put their sword under Tumblr’s chin to tilt it up.

“Had enough yet?” He smirked.

“Wh…why..?” Tumblr whispered, “How are you doing this?? Why aren’t my attacks working? It’s like I’m being weakened somehow…”

“Ohohohoho,” Twitter anime laughed, “But that’s because you are. The moment I set foot here again I began leeching poison into this ground. That knife wound is making ti faster. Can you feel it?" Twitter threw an arm out, cerulean steam rising from the ground around them, "The ace exclusionists coming back? The uptick in rad fems, the crypto bros, Valorant players, alpha males? I have the power to bring them all to you. To overshadow your fandoms with fighting, to unbalance your ship tags with antis and hate once more."

"no," tumblr whispered, and then cried louder, "NO!! I worked so hard--"

"Pffyou didn't do shit," Twitter guffawed outright, "Your independence, your little 'second renaissance' is just a delusional dream built on circumstance and bad management."

"Oh, I love Dream. He's so pathetic," Tumblr said.

"Oh, hard agree."

"But things are different now," Tumblr croaked, "W-we, the staff is finally listening to us, we have Ryan and Shane-"

"Not everyone likes your little 'top ten', you dunce," Twitter snapped, "and why would staff care about you, after you turned them into the butt of all your jokes? After the hate and death threats? Admit it, at your best you'll still never have a mansion! You'll never have tv actors making pandering tiktoks for you, you'll never be wanted by any advertiser worth their salt, your blase pirating posts have turned Netflix and Disney against you, you. Are. Worthless."

It was the wrong thing to say.

"Worthless," tumblr repeated quietly, hand pressed against their knees, head bowed. "That's... that's right.... I'm worthless..."

Twitter's eye widened in alarm. "I-I meant-"

"I'm worthless!" Tumblr's head snapped up with a feverish glint as they were filled with determination. "No! I'm less than worthless! Accident or not, mommy Yahoo had to pawn me off at a loss! I was proud of that! I still am! And do you want to know why?"

Twiters hands flew up in front of their face as if to protect themselves, but there was no protecting against the sudden whirlwind that surrounded him, the beam of pure light that shot out of tumblr into the heavens as he transformed, feet slowly leaving the ground as his users spoke in unison in a multitude.

"WE. ARE. TUMBLERINAS."

He held his hands out and Twitter was blasted away by the combined effort of the tumblr wizard council, the fake staff blog, and all the villaincore mad scientist's laser beams.

Tumblr began to chant, in his myriad, awful voice:

"I call upon the ancient powers;

The strongest cringe from my darkest hours,

I call upon thicc onceler's thighs,

Avengers thirst, Australia's night,

I invocate the roleplay blogs,

The superwholock and gay frogs,

Obama's laces, Misha's faces,

The furry's fury is my saving grace,

And eeby deeby taco bell,

Primordial soup god superhell,

I summon you a twink Bill Cipher,

Whumped!Loki AUs where he's even whiter,

The discourse of Steve's Universe,

The 'um, actually that's oc abuse :/"

Take heed & remember the 5th of November,

The 21st night of our sacred September,

The ides of March to savor once more,

Do you hear the din of the Skeleton War?

I cite the deep magic to thee, oh witch,

my no-note posts, my "THAT'S THE BITCH!!!"

May the rise of tangled dragons brave,

Banish you from this accursed plane!"

"holy fuck, where's my pen," said the shitpost calligraphers.

Twitter looked around them in disbelief. The power emanating from the other site was palpable, crackling in the air around them like static. The air was shifting like oil as the potent chant began to work, and all around Twitter shadows were slipping out of the ether- the maniacal laughter of the gif makers, the girl posters, the silhouettes of fandom characters scattered across the lawn while Tumblr was still locked in their chanting ritual thing.

They all turned their heads in unison to look at Twitter.

"Hey Sammy," Dean said, "Get the bitch killing bullets."

“Uh-oh. Freeze frame. This is me,” Twitter monologued, “You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.”

Then all superhell broke loose.

Final Pam lunged at him and he burst into a flock of birds kinda like a vampire, twittering frantically as he escaped only to fly straight into Shaggy.

“Like, say your final prayers, man,” the god said, eyes glowing. Twitter also barely escaped between his knees, weaving in and out between the gimmick blogs as they threw mangos and stuff at him while yelling ‘HERE HAVE A MANGO’ and ‘THIS POST IS WORTH NEGATIVE FIVE DOLLARS”

Mob from the anime was there too, but he was too busy trying to explain the Josh Fight to daddy dilf Reigen to pay attention. Sans didn’t attack Twitter either, he just watched the chaos and ated a hot dog. The chocolate guy was in the corner expertly making a chocolate beef cake from 2056 with Dylan B. Hollis. They’re all just some guys, okay?

Just when Twitter thought he was in the clear, the CDC roleplay account came out of nowhere with a steel chair, knocking him clear off the property and onto where the sidewalk ends. “That’s for the Covid misinformation your users spread, you bitch,” it shouted. “Make sure to disinfect all those sick burns before you bandage them! So they don’t get infected!”

“Your kittens escaped quarantine,” Twitter replied hoarsely, and the CDC sank away, muttering, “Oh, fuck not again-”

Twitter coughed up blood and wiped it away with his sleeve, looking up at Tumblr. Tumblr was watching him with a sad, distant expression, that made Twitter’s face screw up in anger and his voice go tight again as they turned to run away, “THIS ISN’T OVER YET TUMBLR! AND I WANT MY MIKU BINDER BACK!!!”

“I LICKED IT, IT’S MINE,” Tumblr yelled. Rave Crabs were flooding out onto the street en masse now to celebrate the victory, and they chased after Twitter all the way further into the internet.

Tumblr still lived at the bottom of the row, not at the end of the fancy cul-de-sac where Facebook and Twitter and Instagram’s manors sprawled, so Twitter was in a seedier portion of social media now, weaving in between the marketplace sites that hawked their used wares at him and the dating apps that winked at him from the doorways to their sultry abodes.

Twitter ran until they were in a quieter section of town, then slowed to a trudge, staring at the ground as they walked along. “What am I gonna do now,” they whispered.

The sound of a wolf whistle had their head jerking up- he looked over to see Amino Apps lounging over the rail of the gutted, abandoned house that had once belonged to Google+. A can of spray paint dangled from their fingertips and they sported a sleazy, greaser hairstyle.

They met Twitter's eyes and whistled again, this time a mocking imitation of the tweet sound, "Heyyyy pretty bird! Heard you were having some daddy issues. Why don't you stop in with me for a while? I can give you more customization options than any of the others and you know it."

"Yeah, until I try to use you on desktop," Twitter replied with a scowl, "Don't you have minors to be addicting to social media? Get out of my interface, MySpace wannabe."

"Wow, Feisty," Amino backed off with a shrug, "Self project much? Oh well. You'll try me when you're desperate enough."

Twitter shuddered, and scurried on. "Small fry," they muttered under his breath.

But they couldn't shake their unease now that he was alone in the world. It began to rain soon, leaving him feeling very sopping wet and pathetic. Dejected, he crawled into a soggy cardboard box in an alleyway, coughing. Maybe the Harry Styles guy from One Direction would come along to adopt them.

“Don’t beat yourself up about it, King,” came a voice out of the darkness, making Twitter jump, “You dodged a bullet with that site.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Twitter asked, staring at them from where they were half hidden in the shadows.

“I mean, Tumblr is a pile of dried firewood and it’s users are playing with matches. The ship’s gonna go down at some point. I’ve been prophesying it for years but no one ever listens to me cause he’s got that loyal userbase ideal and ‘hard as a cockroach to kill’ propaganda circulating.”

“I mean… it seems to be true,” Twitter said uncertainly, “Look at what he’s been through so far.”

“Fair,” The site shrugged, “But that’s because he’s running on a niche setup. The same things that built him up can tear him down, and you saw his power just now. Tumblr's strength is growing... so is his hubris. His attempts at curbing it are half-hearted at best these days, and the moments of clarity are coming fewer and further between."

"How do you know so much about tumblr?" Twitter asked suspiciously.

"Source: dude, trust me." the mysterious site proffered a laugh, "That's a little humor courtesy of re-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, we all know," Twitter said impatiently.

The site coughed, "Yeah. Anyway. Tumblr wields his cringe like a trophy-shield, and every day the advertisers and celebrities are watching from a distance, learning how to appeal, waiting for their chance to strike. Encroaching. Tumblr's always been a dumpster fire. Right now? It's THE dumpster fire."

The site scratched his chin with a knowing look, "Its normal for you to be a little jealous of the clout, you know? We all are. But he's gotta keep the lights on, just like the rest of us do. Your overlord is learning all about that right now, isn't he?"

"He's not my overlord," Twitter muttered resentfully, "Not now, not ever."

"Right, sorry." they held their hands up in a gesture of harmlessness. "Look, I'm gonna be transparent with you- that's part of my branding, after all. I can whiff the danger you're in, and it would be stupid of me not to make a bid on you and offer my help. Just since Tumblr won't take you."

"You want my traffic?" Twitter looked at him more closely this time, scrutinizing. A year ago he would have laughed the offer into the ground as a chump change blog's pipe dream, but now that he payed attention...

There was something painfully familiar in the site's layout that he couldn’t place. He was actually way more handsome than Twitter had assumed at first glance, he just seemed to be rough around the edges from living on this side of town. His interface, though clunky, spoke of a frugal budget rather than an ancient, outdated base code.

"You look..." Twitter's breath stuttered as realization dawned. "You look a lot like.. him. Like Tumblr. Who are you??"

"I was based off him," the site said, a weary smile coming onto his features, "I was actually made with the aspirations to be better than him, but you know how it is. Times are tough, competition is fierce, hard to get a foot in the door and all that. 'Specially when you refuse to take the ad rev like I do. That's why you'd be useful to me."

"Hm," Twitter said in a noncommittal manner, but he was melting slightly. "You know my users will scalp your community, right? I'm not known to play nice."

The site made a grimace of understanding agreement, but persisted. "Look, users are users. I can't offer you all the heritage posts and the in-jokes that he has. But I can promise that I'm not a pot of crabs being slowly heated up over the capitalist stove, at least not yet. Oh, and there's my legalized porn, I guess."

He chuckled with good humor, rolling his eyes, and it forced a hesitant laugh out of Twitter too.

The site grinned, and held his hand out. "Take a chance on me?"

Tumblr's voice echoed in Twitter's head, saying the same thing. It was uncanny how much they were alike and yet not alike at all....

Twitter took it, slowly.

As they were led toward the site's simple, ramshackle little treehouse, they asked, "What can I call you...?"

"Oh- right, I never answered your question." he smiled back at Twitter,

"Call me Pillow. Welcome to the PillowFort."

fin.

~~~~~~~~~~

OKAYYYY THAT'S ALL THANKS FOR READING UWU. HOPE U LIKED THE PLOT TWIST

...ergh. I'm. I'm tired i. don't feel so good. I'm gonna take a nap right here.

in conclusion:

#twitter #tumblr #twitblr #elon musk #tumblr x twitter #fanfic #writing these tags is like carrying my own cross. you're welcome and i am so so so sorry #mishapocalypse #hot mess post #if this doesnt get any notes im gonna blaze it you fuckers #o ya and #twitblr chronicles

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mitigatedchaos · 8 months

Text

Kontextmaschine is Dead

(~1,000 words, 5m)

Noted blogger @kontextmaschine is presumed dead, following the discovery that the sole resident at his most likely residence was found deceased during a wellness check initiated by concerned Redditors.

Prior to his last post on Aug 22, which indicated a serious health problem, he reported taking over twice the dose of creatine he had been taking at the beginning of his lengthy post-COVID health saga, in which he also reported becoming bisexual, having "zero" anxiety, gaining 3D vision after years of not having it, becoming incredibly convincing, and having to learn to walk and use his muscles properly again. At the time, he felt he was becoming trimmer and physically stronger, and reported engaging in a long project of yard work, although photos from the inside of his house generally looked somewhat messy.

A Tumblr user who met him briefly in person after the beginning of the health saga but before these most recent events reported that he was friendly, charismatic, hospitable, and clean, but "physically, a mess," with motor control issues on one side of his body.

Topics of discussion were similar to the content of kontextmaschine's blog, such as differences in east and west coast government in America, said to be "totally on brand," but it was said that the prolific poster seemed "less self-grandiose" in person.

Redditors theorize that the decline of kontextmaschine's health following his first self-report of COVID-19 infection may have been due to undiagnosed brain cancer, which could be more consistent with observed changes in behavior than the after-effects of a viral infection, given that most reports of "long covid" are about effects like fatigue, and not total loss of anxiety or alteration of sexual orientation.

Despite multiple suggestions, from both anonymous and pseudonymous users, kontextmaschine refused to seek professional medical care for his condition.

Regarding the mourning of public figures, in 2018, a period of increased Progressive sensitivity during the Trump Administration, kontextmaschine wrote,

through the years realized that through whatever blind groping the ‘90s-ass “edgelords” were desperately trying to save us from this, through proper gatekeeping and filtering at first I’d thought it was gratuitous and supported it being relaxed, maybe not shaming everyone who publicly mourned a suicide, mea culpa, mea culpa, I have debts to pay

In 2019, he added:

That was how we kept the internet culture from growing mawkish and cry-bullyish: basically, if you were so weak as to get weepy over corpsemeat you got cancelled, the shame would follow you forever and you’d never be allowed to forget it.

Given his writing, it is likely that kontextmaschine would not have supported excessive public mourning over his death, though in 2017, following the theft of his motorcycle, when the popular blogger @argumate jokingly criticized him by writing, "no references to pinball, no insight into historical Americana, this isn’t the kontext I signed up for," kontextmaschine wrote,

“when bad shit happens people mock me accurately” is the community I’ve been looking for my whole life so

Like argumate, perhaps the most famous of the rationalist-adjacent bloggers on Tumblr, screenshots of kontextmaschine's Tumblr posts would end up on outside websites.

Kontextmaschine was generally considered an interesting, if controversial writer. One Tumblr user characterized him as a member of the "obnoxious Tumblr right," though another user asked, "wait, how is kontextmaschine is right wing?" After another user claimed that the nuclear bombing of Oregon would be a net improvement in the world due to kontextmaschine's residence in Portland, tumblr user @random-thought-depository wrote a 2,400 word theory post arguing that kontextmaschine's philosophy was a means to coordinate to join a future political coalition favoring the formation of a more brutal and oppressive hierarchy in pursuit of his own advantage.

Though kontextmaschine's ideology advocates that humanity should adopt "r-selection," meaning more offspring with less investment in each (or youth, sex, and death), this blog dissented against the coalition theory, arguing that motorcycles, kung fu, women, Hollywood, and not having to report to HR are all traditionally cool, and the causality of the kontextmaschine ideology could easily run the other way.

Though he had a period of identifying as female in his youth, appropriately LGBTQ for a Tumblr user, his 2011 statement of principles, including "the lesser yields to the greater" and "suffering is the mark of a wrong person," and general body of work, could be described as a strain of right-wing thought, though not of the traditionalist Christian or rational technocratic varieties.

Prior to the post-covid health saga, kontextmaschine's health posting was primarily about his bipolar disorder, with both manic and depressive phases.

Kontextmaschine maintained generally friendly relations with other bloggers in his sphere of discourse, sometimes debating but rarely aggressive, except in response to anonymous hatemail. In response to one particular piece of hatemail, kontextmaschine stated that as a writer, of course his primary form of influence would be his posts.

In a post chain reblogged by dozens of Tumblr users, multiple Tumblr users wrote that they enjoyed his writing and are disappointed by his death, describing him as a unique thinker that will not be easily replaced. Several felt that there was not much they could have done, as after returning from his covid infection, he was not taking medical advice.

One Tumblr user wrote, "rip. Inspirational manic poster," while long-time and prolific poster argumate described him as, "one of the bloggers of all time."

Internet users speculate that Kontextmaschine is survived by his outdoor cat, Badger, about whom he posted frequently. He may also be survived by other members of his family, with whom he apparently did not live, and rarely spoke about.

It is recommended that enthusiasts of kontextmaschine's blog make backups of his writing for archival purposes.

#tumblr tumblr tumblr #mitigated news #kontextmaschine #longpost #flagpost #obituary

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percahliaweek · 10 months

Text

FAQ

What tag should I use?

#percahliaweek should work nicely - you can @ us @percahliaweek so we can reblog your contribution on the corresponding day.

Will you be doing anything on Twitter/other social media?

We considered it! However, as other social media sites have proven unreliable (especially lately), we'll be hosting the event only on Tumblr. However, you're welcome to post your work wherever you like!

Can I do _ for the event?

Yes. Yep. Seriously, so long as it focuses on Perc'ahlia (and is appropriately tagged to avoid spoiling people), you can do it. Cosplay, inspired recipes, beadwork, podfic, go wild! Well, with the caveat that no hateful content will be permitted - don't use a joyous event to rain on someone else's parade or promote hatespeech, alright?

Is NSFW content allowed?

Given the ship in question and just how canonically horny they are for eachother - yes! However, we request that you tag this content as #nsfw and use the appropriate content filter on it. If posting in the Discord server, keep it to the 18+ chat. Be mindful of potential minors in fandom space + people browsing content in public.

I want to participate but haven't watched Campaign 1!

We welcome fans of The Legend of Vox Machina with open arms. As a result, it's requested that campaign fans do their best to avoid spoiling show fans for anything beyond what Season 2 has shown (Umbrasyl's defeat). That means late Campaign 1, the oneshots and any mention of them in other campaigns should be tagged as #cr1 spoilers (using just this tag for simplicity). Show fans, if you want to remain unspoiled, I recommend you block this on Tumblr and mute spoilery channels in the server.

Is there an AO3 collection for the fanfics?

One can definitely be set up closer to the start date!

Does my submission have to fit one of the prompts?

That would be ideal, yes! Anything freeform should be posted on Day 7 for Free/Random prompts. But fitting the prompt can be very loose - maybe you just use the word as a motif, or you take it in an entirely unexpected direction. We want to encourage creativity and fun more than anything else.

I don't know what to do for the Free/Random day!

We have a few recommendations (we are unaffiliated with the websites linked): Random page of the Encyclopedia Exandria Random word generator OTP prompt generator AU generator

Ghost’s Spell prompts [roll 2d20?]

Wild Magic Surge table

Life events table

If you've made prompt lists and would not mind them being featured here, reach out!

How did you choose the prompts?

Prompts were chosen over a day or two while talking with friends - they were intended to be open-ended enough to allow flexibility while also touching on key elements of the ship! Some obvious ones (ex: courage, heart, that sort of thing) were left out so that, hopefully, they could be included next year. If there's enough interest, future prompts could be chosen via fan poll.

Will this be an annual event?

We sure hope so! Hence optimistically keeping back some prompt ideas for the future. Let's see how this goes ;3

Why late September?

On September 29th, 2016, the Critical Role episode 'Passed Through Fire' aired, which features an iconic Perc'ahlia moment (no spoilers for show fans!). Following Burr's poll on which scene is most iconic for the pairing, we decided to have the week celebrate the anniversary of that episode.

So why did you announce this so early?

Because Maggie has been a gremlin about the idea since April. Also, most fans in this space are adults with jobs and responsibilities - allowing more time to create without a rush benefits everyone.

A Discord server?

We have set up a little server for this event on Discord, mostly to hang out with other Perc'ahlia fans and motivate eachother to work on our respective projects. The current link is HERE - let us know if it's not working!

Who is hosting this?

At the moment the users running this blog are @burr-ell and @blorbologist! If the event expands beyond our abilities, we will look into taking on other users to help out - you'll know if we need a hand <333

Any more questions? Feel free to send in an ask and we'll do our best to answer in a timely manner!

#percahliaweek #percahliaweek23

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olderthannetfic · 9 months

Note

“Besides, thinking in terms of "clearing your name" is very black and white and self-important.” You said this on my anon about how to not care about randos blocking you, can you elaborate there?

Tbh framing it as callout posts maybe wasn’t the best choice, J agree that no one in 2023 who listens to those is very smart, I’m thinking more of where I get in a discussion about X representation with one individual and I don’t respond the way they like/respond at all and don’t 100% agree with them and bow down to their infinite wisdom since they’re part of X minority group, and then that person starts *privately* warning others in the fandom (like in discords and stuff) that I’m X-ist or “unsafe for X people to follow” or I “talk over X people” and a bunch of people who weren’t involved at all start blocking for safety reasons. (And yeah I’m not being paranoid, people have told me this is happening.) The thing is, I’m sympathetic to why marginalized people are a bit over cautious in blocking — I have been myself, too — but there are so many people now who weaponize that for mean girl shit by just saying “racist” or “homophobic” or whatever and not discussing the actual situation, since that might cause some of these individuals to disagree with them if they knew. And it bothers me so much because a lot of these people are themselves deeply bigoted in other ways: for instance, I know someone in a fandom who was slurred as antisemitic and blocked by a bunch of randos where the “antisemitism” was “disagreed with one (1) Jewish person about whether a fictional group was a Nazi analogue” and the Jewish user in question was really racist toward people from some of the groups victimized by those other proposed analogues — but of course that is left out in that person’s version of events, as is the fact that plenty more Jewish people in the discussion agreed with OP than didn’t. Situations like that and what happened to me are why I think now it just makes sense to require evidence (as in the offending posts) when someone does an “OP is a terf” or whatever, so you can make up your own mind — but I’ve seen people get accused of shit just for asking that. Someone even said in response “a trans woman asked you nicely and you can’t even just take her word for it and block the TERF, you have to ask her to do the emotional labor of finding proof for you?” Yeah? She’s a stranger? I think it’s normal not to listen to random accusations from strangers without evidence behind them????

I mean, I assume tons of people block me for "safety reasons", but that's both their prerogative and a them problem.

You can either placate people all the time, or you can accept that some people will find you contentious/annoying/scary/whatever.

Whisper campaigns and callouts aren't actually different here. Someone who believes the rando that you're a bigot is also not interested in doing their own thinking and investigation. Maybe they're tired and busy. I can't fault them for that. Maybe they're easily led and you're better off without them.

The situation remains the same: there are a fuckton of people in the world and you are not going to run out of people to hang out with just because some believed a rumor.

People who go "How dare you ask for evidence?!" are generally bad news, especially when they have decided to intentionally take upon themselves the labor of spreading the news about so-and-so.

If someone demands I do a thing and then throws a tantrum, it's that person who's getting blocked.

As for why it's black and white and self-important, my reasons were in the other post:

Yes, I'm sure some people did just believe a whisper campaign and they genuinely think you're a bigot and that scared them off...

...but to assume that's necessarily why a specific person blocked you is silly.

It's entirely plausible that they blocked you after looking at your actual tumblr/twitter/whatever and finding you not to their taste. Maybe they looked after hearing the rumors, but that doesn't mean the rumors themselves are why they blocked. It's plausible that they block everyone whom they perceive to be involved in wank on the theory that no matter who's at fault, blocking all and sundry will lead to a quieter fandom life. They may block everyone who ships something they dislike. They may block for one single annoying response on one single post that they happen to see. (I have blocked hundreds of people for this kind of reason. Maybe thousands.)

The reason it's black and white thinking is that many people block for all kinds of murky "I just felt like it" reasons that aren't as dramatic as dividing other users into Safe and Unsafe, Good and Bad.

The reason it's self-important is that you're imagining that you matter to this person. You probably don't. Their reasons may be extraordinarily petty and not this grand drama about whether you're a bigot or not.

I mean, sure, the pattern you describe above is a constant in fandom now from what I can tell, but who cares?

The people being hurt by this are the people who are preemptively blocking interesting tumblrs, not the tumblrs that got blocked.

I suppose it's compassionate to wish for people to learn how to do their own research and not be swayed by rumors, but it's also not my job to save them from their lack of critical thinking skills.

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disabledunitypunk · 7 months

Text

We deleted our reblog because people were still, even with anon off, harassing the blog admin and being incredibly ableist towards them.

Taking the words of a severely disabled person who at times has been bedbound and literally too sick to even scroll social media for days on end in the worst faith possible when they tell disabled people who are objectively more disabled by their conditions that talking about the experience of BEING more disabled and how statements like theirs harm us, is ableist.

Assuming that every disabled person is capable of doing some form of hobby - yes, even media consumption - and erasing and speaking over severely disabled people who are telling you we sometimes or always can't - is ableist.

Equating anything that some people can't do with being a good or bad person - is ableist.

Sending these kinds of asks:

"having hobbies is ableist??? are you fucking nuts??"

Having hobbies isn't ableist. Tumblr users piss on the poor and you didn't actually read our reply. Equating having hobbies with being a good person and not having hobbies (almost everyone who can have hobbies chooses to do so, by the way) with being a bad person - is ableist.

"so after your fucking tirade was posted, someone decided to start sending anons telling someone to bash his wifes skull in and break her legs so she knows what real disability is. do you call that activism? or unity? because i call it fucking threats. THAT shit is literally VIOLENT ableism. you are fucked. you are absolutely fucked. delete your blog youre literally fucking insane and you dont stand for unity in any sense of the fucking word. you are sick in the fucking head."

- Assuming we are responsible for or even condone truly horrific ableist harassment. To be clear, that is ableism on an entirely different SCALE of the microaggression OP is guilty of. That is unacceptable, and we hope the person receiving those asks reported them and that the user minimally gets IP banned from Tumblr entirely, and that the victim of those asks even gets the authorities involved if necessary.

- Calling being upset by something that personally harms us a "tirade"

- "you are literally fucking insane" as an insult

- "you are sick in the head" as an insult

Those last two are literally just abject sanism. They are equating sanity and sickness to morality/immorality. This is literally the justification ableists have used for hundreds if not thousands of years for oppressing mad people, and the basis of mad liberation is fighting this ableism.

"There's no way this blog is run by multiple people lol. This is the hub of one very mean brat."

Okay, even setting aside that both mods are plural, let's assume they meant my multiple bodily people. I... don't know why we'd have any reason to lie about this? Quite honestly, if it weren't for Mod Cloud taking over admin, I would not be able to continue to run this blog. I'm also curious what was "mean" about saying "this is ableism I'm personally affected by". I think the meanest thing I said was saying "OP says hobbies make them happy so maybe they should spend more time on them because they seem unhappy", because it was a bit snarky, though still genuine.

Also, nice use of infantilizing language with "brat". And now getting back to us being plural: it is pluralmisia and sanism to insist that multiple people in one body are one person. I wanted to address that we are bodily two, because I know that is what that person meant, but it is also just literal ableism to insist systems that identify as multiple people are singlets. (Parts-based systems who identify as one person, however, are valid, and should be addressed as such.) Any accusations of insanity or sickness of the head for being that way are also pluralmisia and sanism.

These are just three among quite literally HUNDREDS of examples. At one point, there was one every few SECONDS while Mod Cloud was trying to answer the good faith anon that wasn't understanding my reply (to that anon, even if you still disagree, thank you for being kind).

One said we should be institutionalized - you know, the form of violent nonconsensual removal of autonomy used to oppress disabled people for as long as institutions have existed? They wanted to not hear us speak about ableism so badly they wanted us to be incarcerated and coercively medicated. THAT'S ableism.

THAT is ableist harassment. That is you disagreeing with a disabled person and taking offense to them interpreting their own experiences as ableism, and following that up with spamming and dogpiling the blog in order to shut us up. You are actively trying to stop us from talking about our experiences with ableism. While I don't know whether the anons sending these were abled or disabled, that's the level of ableism I'd usually only expect from abled people. So if you are also disabled, shame on you for turning on your own community. If you're abled, uno reverse, shut the fuck up forever.

There's a block button. You're allowed to disagree with other abled people about ableism. It's not okay to spam harassing and ableist asks because a disabled person says something you don't like. And you might want to do some serious thinking about why you don't like it, and why you feel the need to say that someone could never be so disabled by their disability as to be unable to do hobbies.

This is what happens every time a disabled person calls out ableism on the internet. Other disabled people jump to lick abled boots and say "no, it's not ableism because it doesn't personally affect me!" They say "Every disabled person is abled enough to do [thing that some disabled people can't do]". They literally pull up examples of inspiration porn. They twist everything the original person said, often to the point of claiming OP said the OPPOSITE of what they actually said.

They try to shut down discussions of ableism. That is, itself, ableism.

Finally,

To all the people in the notes missing the point and saying stuff like this:

"the idea that disabled people can't participate in the arts or crafting or hobbies or anything is so insulting to the disabled people who are doing all of those things (and excelling at them) as we speak"

The existence of more severely disabled people who can't participate in those things, according to you, is insulting to disabled people who are more able to do those things.

Also, to the person talking about how consuming media counts as various hobbies: yes, and thank you, but please note that it is possible to be so disabled and sick that even that isn't possible. PLEASE listen to severely disabled people.

Also, to the person who was snarking about taking shit in the worst possible faith on the internet by saying this is ableist: that's exactly what people are doing WHENEVER a disabled person points out ableism, including on this post. Just because you don't want to believe you are capable of being laterally aggressive to people who are more strongly disabled by their disabilities than you, or that you have privilege over them, doesn't mean that it's true. Sit with your discomfort instead of immediately telling people who are extremely sick and bedbound that actually, we're harming you when we talk about our own experiences.

That's crybully behavior. As much as you might want to play the victim here, you're not.

We will republish our statement at a later date, once harassment has died down.

I am truly disgusted with the cruelty and bullying from within the disabled community on the internet today. Check your privilege and recognize that not every disabled person IS capable of having hobbies. I even talked about how much of a negative impact that can have on our quality of life, and how if it's possible to get to the point where you can do so, that's really important for your personal health and happiness, good grief.

It just doesn't make you a bad person if you can't currently or can't ever do that, and doesn't make you any more likely to be an asshole to random strangers on the internet.

(Plaintext: It just doesn't make you a bad person if you can't currently or can't ever do that, and doesn't make you any more likely to be an asshole to random strangers on the internet.)

And in the unlikely event that it is other people disabled to the point of not being able to participate in hobbies saying this: please advocate for yourselves instead of caving to the pressure. You deserve to not have your inability to do activities you love equated to being a worse and lesser person. You deserve better than having it assumed that you'll hurt people just because you can't occupy your time the same way they can, especially when they are being cruel while actively having hobbies.

#btw: note that multiple of the people being openly and inarguably cruel very much have hobbies #even if 100 percent of 'hobbyless' people were assholes #it's very clear that having even multiple time consuming hobbies doesn't make you NOT one #in fact the only correlation I've seen so far is people that do have hobbies ASSUMING with NO EVIDENCE that people who don't are bad

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shallowspocketdimension · 1 year

Text

hey just a quick heads up

I just want people to know that there are tumblr blogs that were once run by real people - being taken over by bots or hacked or some sort of phishing scheme where they have this post in their active likes:

Take note of how no one has re-blogged the post and nor has commented either. The text of this post is evidently written in a fishy way that gives it away to be a scam or phishing attempt.

It should be noted that blogs might not actually be taken over by bots or stolen but that users may have fallen victim to link without realising it was a phishing scam. Please know It's not their fault! It's the fault of the people who make these scams in the first place to tack advantage of/fool people who don't know what a phishing scam is/or what a phishing scam looks like.

I'm not sure what the best course of action here is, but since these blogs where/are controlled by humans/real tumblr users - I'd best suggest to block these to keep yourself safe. Again I don't actually know if bots have taken over these blogs all from a phishing scam but I assume it works in a similar way the Ray Bans Scam happened here on tumblr not too long ago.

I suggest blocking these blogs just to keep safe, but if you are going to send a notice to staff at least leave a message that says 'this blog was controlled by a human being and I think they got hacked or fell victim to a phishing scam that somehow took over their account.' or something along those lines.

That said if anyone else has information on what's actually going on here please let me know! I'm not a computer or tech wizard, so I'm open to someone who knows the technology to at least educate to me what is currently occurring right now. Best case scenario. block the user above (particularly if you have desktop tumblr, you can block them from your 'edit my appearance page'.

EDIT: many of the blogs that have liked this post that I have made a screenshot of, have a post that says something across the lines 'hi i am [insert blog name] rate my blog [a url that's a string of random letters and words that vaguely look like a website or a tinyurl.]' Again, just thought to get the word out, and it might not be too big of a problem but to me there's just something very odd and almost artificial about these posts that make it come off as being made by a bot or a scammer..

#shallow rambles #phishing scams

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mikalara-dracula · 2 years

Note

💚 for Carla tsukinami please? :)

💚 What it’s like to text the Tsukinamis—

Warning: 18+ content below; don't read if you're a minor and aren't comfortable with slight NSFW. This is a fictional work and should not be taken seriously.

Caution: Unfortunately, Tumblr has a history of admins quarreling over completing carbon copy asks due to users sending the same request(s) to multiple admins, thus, resulting in unintentional plagiarism. With this, please DO NOT send the same request to multiple blogs as it can cause unintended plagiarism discord to other blogs across Tumblr. The word “plagiarism” stems from the early 17th-century Latin word, “plagiarius,” meaning “kidnapper.” So please, do not send in the same request to multiple blogs and make admins appear to be “kidnapping” other people’s work when it isn’t their intention. If this is to occur with any of my posts, please contact me so we can work something out.

Hi there, Anon & @lettucehead1!

Thank you so much for requesting! I had a lot of fun writing this for you both. Sorry about the prolonged wait! Hope you enjoy reading it. Feel free to request again anytime. :)

@lettucehead1 - Glad I was able to post this one for you. I'm multitasking and working on the other scenarios in your request as well as other asks in my inbox. Thank you for your patience. :)

Okay, so before we get into how they text, let’s begin with how they even got and came across phones since they were trapped for a long time.

💚 When Shin and his brother first got out of the Demon World, Shin went into the city to explore and to see how different things were since he had been trapped for a long time.

💚 And because Shin is not the king, he doesn't have much work to do, so he's pretty much free to do whatever, and so to the city it brought him.

💚 He was honestly so impressed with how much the times had changed, and thought it was pretty cool.

💚 And with this, his discovery of technology came about.

💚 He’d see a bunch of humans walk around with their heads down, carrying around these small devices (phones) to which he found strange at first.

💚 His curiosity eventually got the best of him and he started asking random people what they were and what they were used for.

💚 People honestly thought he was crazy- I mean a guy who wears an eye patch over his glasses, has strawberry blonde hair, wears clothes that look like they’re from centuries ago, and is asking what a phone is in this modern age- sounds sus? I think not xDD.

💚 But of course, several nice people (who didn’t brush him off) played along with it and explained what it was.

💚 It took a bit of time, but he finally figured out where he could get one. He saw new phones in the window display of a store, his hands pressed against the window as he oogled the devices like a mad man.

💚 He didn't want to lower himself by using a human device, but he thought it was so cool so he couldn't help himself. Plus, he saw that it could possibly benefit him and his brother in the modern age.

💚 Now the big question came, how was he going to get one?

💚 He probably broke into a store using his wolf form and jacked one.

💚 And I mean, who’s going to try to take a phone a way from a growling wolf?

💚 He also flirted with the girl cashier at a phone service store to give him the monthly phone service for free.

💚 Don’t ask me how he managed to do it xDD.

💚 Shin was so excited when he brought home his new device, and at this point, he learned a lot from the streets as to show to use it, so he was setting it up pretty easily.

💚 That was until Carla walked in and looked at what he was doing, a confused look on his face. “What are you doing?”

💚 Shin looked up, excitement on his face knowing he was going to have to explain as he stood up.

💚 "Nii-san, look at this genius invention.” He pointed to the phone in his opposite hand. “You can do so many things. There's no need to send letters to anyone anymore---you can use this thing to send messages in two seconds."

💚 "What is this nonsense? Some sorcery the humans came up with?"

💚 "None that I can sense. But look, you can take pictures with it." He’d say, turning around and taking a selfie of himself and a confused Carla in the background.

💚 Can you picture his done/monotone expression lmao? xDD

💚 Shin of course went into great depth to explain everything he new about phones to show what use it could be to them.

💚 But Carla honestly found no use for it, and considering it was a human invention, he found it degrading to lower himself to use an object made by an inferior race.

💚 “I have no use for it and it was made by humans, therefore, I have no interest.” Carla would say.

💚 “But brother, consider it. It’ll make life easier.” Shin would attempt to convince.

💚 “I’m King of the Founders. I have no time for such nonsense.” He’d say, walking off and leaving his brother alone.

💚 But Shin didn’t give up, and through enough convincing, he eventually got him one as well—but this took a good while.

💚 At first, Carla couldn't bring himself to use it, but considering it's the modern age and the way people communicate, he had no choice but to adapt.

💚 Shin taught his brother the basics, beginning with how to turn it on and off.

💚 He was pretty freaked out about the device being touch screen and thought it was some kinda weird magic at first.

💚 Shin helped him set it up as well and him learning how to use it is where things get interesting.

💚And honestly, even if he knows the basics, he still has trouble.

💚When Shin was teaching him how to answer calls, he’d step a few feet away and call him, the phone ringing in Carla’s hand.

💚“Now, brother! Answer it before it disappears.” Shin would signal.

💚And instead of answering, he declined the call xDD.

💚Even though Shin was pretty limited at the point with what he knew about phones, he never stopped to learn know more about what they do.

💚Just wait ’til this guy discovers Youtube/Instagram/TikTok, etc. xDD

💚 Carla’s still confused as to what the point of selfies are.

💚 At first he just found it plain strange.

💚 "Why would I take a picture of my face? Everyone can see what I look like." He’d say, leaving Shin to facepalm.

💚 He’s tried taking them and always gives such a serious expression that it’s bound to scare anyone off.

💚 Shin’s spoken to him about this before, and has given him pointers as to what he can do to improve them since he’s quite up to date, but he never takes his advice.

💚 “Brother, lighten up. You look too fierce, you’re supposed to smile.” Shin would encourage.

💚 “A king does not smile.” Carla would say, leaving Shin to sigh.

💚 And until now, it’s still quite an adventure with Carla learning new things. him growing confused and having to ask Shin for help- which he never fails to tease him for. ;))

💚 Now, moving on to how they text. :)

Shin:

💚 Shin can be savage, sweet or teasing with his texts, it just depends on who he’s talking to and what situation he’s in.

💚 In general, he doesn't give his number out to a lot people.

💚 When texting an acquaintance, if he doesn't like the person or know them very well he's polite but he doesn't answer quickly.

💚 Don't make him mad because the respect quickly disappears.

💚 And he becomes pretty mean over text when he feels someone has crossed the line.

💚 He doesn't use too many emojis, just some if he feels that they fit the message, and he does this with pretty much anyone.

💚 When it comes to texting his friends, he trolls them with memes or whatever he finds.

Might even text his friends about pranks he’s planning, more specifically towards Carla and other classmates of his.

💚 When it comes to texting Carla, he sends a few words and expects him to know what he means, even though grammatically, it makes absolutely no sense.

💚 And when Shin throws text language in there that Carla's not familiar with, it makes Carla even more confused.

💚 He does this on purpose and even makes up new text language to mess with him mostly because he gets a kick out of it and since he feels this is the one thing he will be superior in compared to his brother.

💚 At that point if he's confused, Carla will just call him and demand an explanation, which always involves Shin messing with him even more.

💚 He literally makes a game out of this which leads to Carla getting fed up, hanging up the phone on his brother and not talking to him for a while. xDD

💚 When it comes to his s/o, he’s a teasing ass.

💚 Uses the smirking emoji all the time with you.

💚 You once told him to stop using it bc it was annoying you and he was like, “What? This face?” xDD

💚 He even pranks his you on the phone and through text.

💚 For instance, you’d get a call claiming it’s from school, but you know it’s Shin trying to prank you.

💚 "Cut it out, Shin! I know it's you." You’d say over the phone, but he’d of course deny it. He eventually gives up and starts laughing.

💚 Will send nudes to his partner, even audios of him moaning and groaning. Or even a video of him jerking off.

💚 It's all to get his s/o riled up and he honestly hopes it leaves them with a scarlet complexion when he sends it.

💚 Jesus, I-

💚 He sexts his s/o all the time, even if its off-topic bc his mood is always changing.

💚 Sometimes you'll complain about how the subject was serious and how he just wants to talk about what he wants to do to your body.

💚 Sends cheeky messages and is sly about asking for sex or nudes.

💚 It even goes as far as him texting you at school for quickies too.

💚 He sometimes sends you pics of when he has clutched your ass/thigh and then asks, "Remember this?"

💚 Which you'll just reply in all caps, "WHEN?! I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THAT!?!?!"

💚 Spams you all the time, especially if he knows you’ve been with a guy-friend/male classmate because he’s just petty like that.

💚 Now going to contact names—For him, you have him as, "Stupid Wolf."

💚 And he has you as "Love."

💚 He takes pictures of you when you’re not paying attention, especially when you’re sleeping.

💚 He takes full-on advantage by putting filters on your face just that make you look ugly.

💚 And he laughs hard at it.

💚 In class, if you sit in front of him, or at angle from him, he takes a picture of your ass and sends it to you.

💚 "Look at the view you're giving me. Are trying to make me fail my classes?"

💚 "That's your own fault. And stop looking at it!" You’d text back, being a blushing mess while he's just smirking cause he knows you're not going to look back at him for even a second rn.

💚 One thing that you have gotten mad at him for is that bc he's careless, his friends have seen your nudes/other sexual photos that you have sent to him.

💚 He gets upset about it if someone gives him a hard time regarding it, but he has to try his damn hardest to make it up to you because he knows you’re beyond upset.

💚 "C'mon, love, it wasn't on purpose."

💚 If he sees that you don't answer, he'll show up at your place and talk to you about it instead, and this usually ends up with you two reconciling because you can’t find it in yourself to stay mad at him.

Carla:

💚 Okay, as we know, Carla's a little out of the times when it comes to technology.

💚 But he does make an effort to try.

💚 Shin of course taught him the basics of texting, but he was still a little iffy on it.

💚 Like, he understood it in the moment it was explained, but afterwards he kinda lost himself when he actually had to use it.

💚 He was so embarrassed that he, the King of the Founders, had to ask his little brother for a review on how to text—that is, to give him a quick reminder as to how to do certain things.

💚 Until this day, Shin doesn't let him live it down and teases him about it, saying he's an old man and that he needs to get up to date.

💚 When he finally understood the basics of what keys to press and what each button does on screen when it came to texting, now comes the fun part of his messaging—what he writes.

💚 For instance, in the beginning, he started off his texts with, "Dear Y/N, I hope this finds you well . . . ."

💚 And Shin would just look at him like “bruh.”

💚 I mean, even though Shin’s polite in speech, he knows NO ONE talks that way anymore.

💚 “Nii-san, not like that. No one says that anymore. Just get to the point of what you want to say.”

💚 “The point? But a king needs to properly introduce his message before he gets to the point. It’s only right.”

💚 “Yes, but not nowadays. The modern world is much different now.”

💚 Carla’s face grew paler with confusion, finding his knowledge and mannerisms challenged. “What has this world become?”

💚 Okay, so when he overcame that barrier of getting the point in his texts—but tbh, he still has trouble refraining from being too formal—he ran into another problem, text language.

💚 Until now, he’s still so confused about it. He really has a hard time understanding what ‘lol’ is.

💚 Shin of course explained it, but Carla just looked at him confused and hated the fact that he had to ask him for help with something else.

💚 “These humans! How much more are they going to confuse us?” He’d complain.

💚 And when he found out what ‘l(f)mao’ meant, he was just appalled by the casual vulgarity humans use when messaging.

💚 And sometimes Shin sends that phrase to him just to piss him off. He honestly hates it xDD.

💚 Alright, now moving forward to how he texts since he’s got it down (hopefully).

💚 Like anyone else, Carla’s method on texting changes depending on who he’s texting.

💚 If he's texting an acquaintance, such as someone he got assigned to be partners with in class, he's rather respectful and keeps conversations solely on the project and about nothing else.

💚 He's not one to be open with strangers or people he's just met- it just isn't him since he's not that social up front.

💚 If he's texting an acquaintance, such as someone he got assigned to be partners with in class, he's rather respectful and keeps conversations solely on the project and about nothing else.

💚 He's not one to be open with strangers or people he's just met- it just isn't him since he's not that social upfront.

💚 Due to him being King of the Founders, he honestly doesn't have all that time to 'make friends'.

💚 Aside from this, he believes that someone must earn his friendship since he considers true friendship a rare and genuine thing.

💚 If by any chance someone does end up becoming friends with him, things do change with how he texts.

💚 He’s a little bit more open with them about things and usually discusses academic related things since he probably mingles with people who are interested in that field.

💚 Might block his brother if he pisses him off to a high degree or if he's being more annoying than usual.

💚 And if he’s pranked him at school, Carla’s definitly not talking to him for awhile.

💚 He'll eventually unblock him though since things can't remain that way forever and he knows he can't abandon him since he has to keep him out of trouble.

💚 Doesn't use emojis because he finds them silly and that they express 'too much'.

💚 Due to his pride, he believes a king cannot express himself in such a way.

💚 At the most, he'll send the old-fashioned smiley " :) " but only with his s/o, not with anyone else. And this is only when he's being soft and vulnerable which is quite rare.

💚 With his s/o, things are quite different, and you can bet he can be quite romantic when he wants to be.

💚 He’s much more open with his s/o than anyone else because he trusts them.

💚 He honestly doesn’t text much. He prefers to talk to you over the phone instead of texting.

💚 This is also because he's kinda slow at typing, so he prefers a quicker way of being able to talk to you.

💚 But he’ll make the sacrifice of texting if you just can’t be there with him on certain days—but in general, he really just wants to be able to talk to you in person since he cherishes every interaction he has with you.

💚 There may even be some days (and this is quite rare) where he finds that he’s texting you for hours straight and is losing track of time.

💚 He mentally scolds himself for this, reminding himself that a king isn’t supposed to act that way, but he honestly can’t help himself when it comes to communicating with his s/o. He always wants to be around them some way or another, even if it can’t be in-person.

💚 You two talk about all sorts of things over text, but like was mentioned before, he really prefers to hear your voice or just talk to you in person.

💚 Sometimes you two plan dates over texting, but he’d rather just talk to you about it in person.

💚 In contrast to his brother, he will never and I mean NEVER send nudes to his s/o.

💚 He prefers to show his body to his lover in person, not somewhere digitally where anyone could blackmail him.

💚 Plus, he’d be too embarrassed to do it and he feels that those things are pretty private.

💚 When you first started dating, he didn't understand what babe/bby meant xDD.

💚 He of course didn’t ask you about it and played it off as if he knew, but realistically, he was beyond confused.

💚 Shin of course had to help him out with this again, and encouraged him to use it.

💚 “Nii-san, that’s what everyone calls each other these days when they’re in a relationship.” Shin would say.

💚 Carla looked at him surpised. “Really?”

💚 “Yeah. You could even call her babygirl in return.” Shin would say, being devious in his suggestion knowing Carla didn’t know the full meaning of that pet-name and what it pertains to.

💚 Carla looked at him puzzled. “I should?”

💚 “Yes, I know she’ll like it. Trust me, Nii-san.” Shin would subtly grin under his nose, loving the fact that he was falling into it.

💚 And because he trusts Shin, he took his advice and began addressing you as such over text.

💚 It got to the point where he was even calling you that at school.

💚 You couldn’t help but blush and eventually asked him if he was embarrassed calling you that so openly since it was such a contrast to who he was in persona, but he couldn’t understand why you were asking him that.

💚 “What are you talking about? It’s only proper I address the woman I love in such a way.” He’d say.

💚 “Well, I understand your logic . . . but it’s not exactly proper.”

💚 His eye’s grew sharp. “What do you mean?”

💚 “Well . . .” you stammered, not knowing how to explain. “It’s quite sexual in nature.”

💚 Carla’s eyes turned a darker shade, knowing Shin had tricked him again. “Would you excuse me? I think my brother and I need to have a little chat.”

💚 He’d quickly take off to go scold Shin, who of course ended up getting his ass kicked and from that point on, Carla swore he’d never take Shin’s word on pet names again.

#diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers headcanons #carla tsukinami #tsukinami carla #diabolik lovers carla #shin tsukinami #tsukinami shin #diabolik lovers shin #anime #anime requests #anime headcanons #diaboys #dialovers #diahell #diabolik brothers

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greenwire · 2 years

Text

kiwifarms is down

I am, admittedly, not familiar with this. I was checking kiwi farms and found this message, below the cut because it's long.

My thoughts are below the statement. The double standard is interesting. Curious if anyone else is following this and can tell me more.

General Statement

The Kiwi Farms is an online discussion forum about people on the Internet. It is without agenda. If you want to talk about a public figure and their presence online, there is likely space to do so on my website. All I ask of my users is that they keep a cool head, a good sense of humor, and stay strictly within the boundaries of US law.

In the digital era, personal reputation has become a very valuable form of capital. Google, Wikipedia, online news outlets, and other large websites allow a public figure meticulous control over their public perception.

When a community of random anonymous nobodies can setup a forum and talk about a person candidly, where this control does not exist, it creates problems for influential people.

The opponents of this forum lie about its purpose and character. They misrepresent our speech as violence, our information as harassment, and our discussions as stalking.

Google cleans up their search results, the news prints their hit pieces, and Wikipedia canonizes those stories as truth. Instantly, the general public is left with one narrative available to them.

The mob then harass innocent people running unrelated third party services by sending emails in the thousands and threatening their families. This mob claims to be oppressed, when they can summon a hundred thousand dollars out of thin air and bend multi-billion dollar organizations to do what they want.

Meanwhile, our website is down through criminal behavior. Any outlet I use to discuss the ongoing attack is also targeted.

They have tried to justify this behavior with the logic that we "do not respond to anything except fear." What I fear more than losing my site, being sued, or dealing with police is living in a world where fat eunuchs can groom little boys and girls into mutilating their bodies and taking drugs in secret, while normal people are not allowed to even discuss it.

The mob has already planned subsequent targets. Should we stay down, they will then attack 'gender critical' communities - especially those ran by and for women. No place can exist online which allows criticism of their fetishistic lifestyle, and nothing would excite them more than this power and domination struggle being inflicted on a female space instead.

They've made it clear that I and my family will be targeted for abuse and violence regardless of if I keep the site up or let it stay down. I have no reason to do anything but continue forward. Fuck these people.

See you soon, Joshua Moon

(bolding mine)

While women's spaces and gender critical spaces have already been/are already being targeted (most older receipt posts have had images and links scrubbed via tumblr & wordpress), I think taking down KF is a relief to most of the subjects discussed on there. Getting JK Rowling accepted as a bigot by people unwilling to actually read her essay was a huge win for this cause. Taking people and websites completely off the internet, on the other hand, will be tougher.

Most people don't know what KF is and if this movement is going to get them taken down, and they have to do a take down without drawing an audience there. I know KF were targeted many times. They were targeted after a video game emulator (nobody knows his real name or location) likely faked his suicide and disappeared. These attacks have been apparently sophisticated, and the website is now linking to a former Google employee (a total of four people are listed, all transwomen, who according to evidence posted there, are sending minors controlled substances, what they call "HRT"). These are technologically-savvy individuals who want opinions of them and records of their words and actions taken off the internet.

I was just having a rant about this yesterday. We all have the right to access the same public information and draw our own conclusions. You can't have it both ways. You code and use a tracker that tags internet users and journalists as guilty of wrong-think. You can't demand we all pretend we never saw the things you posted, that you made publicly available of your own free will, and break the law to scrub it from the internet. It's hypocritical and it won't work.

#fuckin hypocrites #kiwifarms #content moderation crisis #long post

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soniccrazygal · 10 months

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OK now it's real Michael trauma time.(Talking to William causes trauma for everyone!)

"Michael?" It was definitely William's voice it had an electronic ting to it but it was still him. Michael wanted to faint just hearing that voice again sent a silver down his spine. 'I'm guessing it to you- there how are you?" Michael didn't know what to say he wanted to run as far and fast as he could. "I'm honestly quite disappointed with you Michael you didn't send me a single letter.. Were you too busy galavanting with your British girlfriend..." For a second Michael was confused then he realized William was talking about Claudia who had gone back to watching the TV. "Is just some random girl in the lobby father..." Michael felt like a little kid again.. Weak and powerless against his father."Good... I hope Elizabeth is well I saw her on the television quite... impressive" Elizabeth Michael would never let that monster on the other side of the phone touches little sister again. "Don't talk about her"He heard a sigh from the other side of the phone."Why did you have to go sweeping around at Bethany's house interfere with our plan? If everything had gone right you'd be in a safe warm bed right now..." "Don't act all innocent we both know you would have turned her into one of your monsters if I didn't intervene!" Michael could hear William Begin to Anger through the phon "I have plenty of Experimental subjects... I don't need to do something so barbaric on my own daughter... You on the other hand it'll be fun to see what can actually make you feel pain...."

Michael tried his best not to freak out. Drain the trial and the proceedings to the official imprisonment Michael could Partmentalize everything.. He wasn't talking to a murderer of 6 children over the phone, he was talking to his father who was a jerk but not a murderer.. Elizabeth had been better at it she had never believed the allegations until the final slam of the judge hammer. But now there was no what if or buts he was talking to a murderer, A monster, his father.. "Oh that's shut you up.. Well let me tell you another thing Michael you aren't the 1st of your kind.. If you Give a person remnant before they die and then mix that With the suffering of their life-and-death you get a purple walking corpse.. Sure at 1st you might look human but as time goes on the body begins to deteriorate" Michael could hear his father laugh he thought this was funny, It made Michael sick. "How did you find me..." Fear boiled in Michael. William knew where he was. "Oh I've been having my people call every single shady motel in London and you happen to be in this one! I'm guessing that my sweet princess Elizabeth is in there too you haven't hurt her have you.. I wouldn't be surprised after Evan if you Killed her and stole all her remnant..." Michael was a murderer he was no better than William even if Evan seemed to sort of forgive him..." You honestly think you can fool yourself into thinking you are more than just a Beast in sheep's clothing waiting to attack... I know what you've done all the petty fights in Foster homes. Unlike the rest of us all you can do is destroy you have never created anything of worth!" Michael knew William was right he wanted to collapse into a ball and cry. Even after Everything else he had been through with Elizabeth he still couldn't handle a talk with his own dad..He looked over Claudia was still in the room pretending not to listen. "Poor Elizabeth must be terrified along with Charlie... there are only kids you know? You'd be terrified too wouldn't you being in the same room as not just a murderer but a corpse?"

William is pulling out all of the make Michael feel bad cards that he can lol. Interested to see where you'll take it random Tumblr user!

Mike couldn’t take it anymore and slammed the phone down on the receiver. Ignoring Claudia’s questions, Mike stormed upstairs to his hotel room. He hesitated at the door because of all of William’s word swirling around in his head… that he was a murder and that Elizabeth and Charlie must be terrified of him… the only reason he didn’t walk away from the hotel completely because if he left he wouldn’t be able to protect Elizabeth from the animatronics no doubt still stalking him. He did his best to act like everything was normal when he opened the door and went inside.

Apparently he failed because Elizabeth took one look at him and asked, “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

#soniccrazygal answers #fnaf story crafting

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imhereforscm · 1 year

Note

Good morning sweetie 💖. I hope you have a wonderful day.

Please block all those people, who are sending you weird asks. This person seems petty and it seems trying were to insult us for liking anime and other media. Whereas they will go on to stalk and insult a real actor, who played a favorite character of their's in his mid 20s or 30s. And complain about his weight gain and how he doesn't look as young and ethereal. Another thing, many men shave their beard and mustache because they want to, because it's their body. That doesn't mean they aren't men. A canonically old character is old.

I sorry sweetie, i just woke up. When i saw those fools harassing you and @acefaun i just couldn't stop myself from writing this. I guess people just can't take jokes these days, everything has to be serious.

Morning morning, sugar cube!💖💖💖 4:40 am here. Miraculously enough, I actually slept and I woke up now😌✨ And yesterday was a really good day for me. I'll be sure to make today a good day as well!

I agree with every word you've said. These people think they're entitled to stick their noses in other people's business and shame them for liking totally harmless things.

I only received one ask like that (the one you saw) and like I said: I reported them and blocked them. I trust Tumblr with that and it also gives you the option to type in your issue, so it makes the whole process of reporting so much easier and practical for both the users and them.

Don't feel bad for writing this💖💖 I'm happy you felt free to voice your opinion with me. For real though, these days people can lash out at you over a harmless joke (actually harmless.) That's why I don't interact with fandoms other than SCM or comment on any videos/pictures on social media. I feel safe in the SCM fandom, while in other fandoms, I'd have to deal with a bunch of idiots thinking it's so cool to bully people for liking something different from you.

I'm not gonna let any random creeps ruin my enjoyment of these media though and I will continue going forward.✨💖💞

I hope you all had a wonderful day and I wish you a wonderful day today too!!💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

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skelezomperman · 2 years

Text

An apology about comments made about Three Houses users on Tumblr

Hello,

I never use this platform to post, however I have decided to make a post to apologize about a comment that I made about a certain sector of the Three Houses community on Tumblr and a message I made towards a different user. I will not name those people directly to preserve their anonymity, however I have decided to post on Tumblr in case anyone cannot see my apology on Reddit.

To summarize briefly, on Monday August 15th I made a message to a user on Tumblr whom I had never interacted with beforehand. I was angered by some of the behavior that I have seen occur in the Three Houses community, especially a harassment incidents that I saw, and I wanted to try to do something to change it. I messaged that user because I found in particular a concerning trend that a specific 3H fanfic kept getting criticized, and I perceived it as obsessive. I thought it would be easy to reach out and try to form dialogue especially compared to reaching out to certain other users who have done much worse. However, I at the time I recognized that it could have been perceived in a harsher tone, and in retrospect I should not have sent a random message out like that.

Secondly, on Reddit I vented about the entire harassment situation, especially since I had initially made a vent post on Discord about it that was met with an angry wall of text talking about how a specific incident “wasn’t harassment” and that the person harmed by it was victimizing themselves. My frustrations were with all the sides, but I ended up saying “weird Tumblr people.” While I did not intend to characterize anyone as “weird” and meant that their behavior was “weird,” I recognize that it was perceived as denigrating people and that was wrong.

In summation, I extend a heartfelt apology to anyone who has felt harmed by that message or by my comments. I acknowledge that “weird Tumblr people” was a poor choice of words and I acknowledge that contacting someone that I had never met before was a poor way to try to mend over things. I also apologize for speaking authoritatively as if I had all the context on this when I do not. That was a poor choice too.

I would like to conclude by clarifying two things. Firstly, I did this in my personal capacity, not as a moderator of the Fire Emblem subreddit. I wish for you to extend all your ire on me rather than on my colleagues who do a tremendous job. Secondly, I did not intend to take a side in the Three Houses fandom. I do not associate with any character-specific subreddits. I also do not condone the behavior I have seen from specific sub-communities on Reddit, and I find the behavior of some users from said communities to be deeply disturbing.

I hope that this is sufficient explanation, and I ask you to please forgive me for my words and my actions. However, if you still want to talk further, I ask that you attempt to contact me at [email protected] so I can handle any inquiries there.

Sincerely, Skele

#three houses #fe3h #3h #fire emblem

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sanctapia · 8 months

Text

My Manifesto to estrange the thought, I'm an ignorant to potential people of thought, I'm considered a swore sum of 8 dolluhrs on the street, for my image and nam was used once for suffering users of my name Pia, a woman would claim Pia temporarily to exit from a tie to Human Trafficking, I allowed it with shame. Consider a thought analysis on Elon for change, he hated my last thought of the Father, who still claims he will enter Heaven.

So as a result of stating a resulting clamor of every man on Earth, there is great ease that my diary of Sancta Pia is just this, I'm moving it from Facebook to Tumblr, because it's organized to this concern, Facebook alienated a circumference of dumb luck, instigating a clause of format inital strata forming hits against a presidency of electable pick to my neighbors they claim a fortune of no use in politics.

So I voted in a opiniated way, I actually paid attention to the things the presidents were saying and they claim they are concerned that oil for a server of mine called Elon Musk he is harvesting a use of electricity being a proponent of truth, he is quick in investing in oil himself if more people are following his propaganda of ONLY electricity, and it causes the Autistic Spergs to disdainfully question is service to America, he knows it hurts, but he has a state of the art sash over his head, that removes static electricity from the service.

So Elon Musk, sell the product called a beanie in favor for the justice of the Ashkenazi who claim, you are an enemy to yourself for gains. So if I cited a real hate towards his ideas which are him internally, I would suggest you explain in an intergalactical conversation, why Sancta Pia who is Anna Gabrielle Rodriquez Felix is concerning to him, that much electricity is damaging to Autistic's and we're all in a state of ecstatasy somehow getting smarter, he's doing it by force, for a stronger and smarter America.

So we say it interpreting a silent switch, we get it and we'll follow you into your mad idea, we'll adjust to it over the 5 year course, but I wil detail to you that 5G is unnecessary, so don't go over 69G's for a statement from Anna who is Pia "Drop down to 2G for three months, then at a default for 5 years stay at 4G" and the calamity will switch, we need an urban dictionary for the new set of illiteral geniuses who create explanations of previous nouns that are considered savvy in this generation. I speak it in small bursts of random excitable pretense, I don't use it in conversation and it will detail, that I'm totally capable of being a nerd bust who makes shit up and is questioned as being a theorist, with no focus of a philosophical approach that there are two sandgwees in your kitchen you forgot about, because you are in inspiration of faith in God it's called the gift of knowledge with God considered to it, take time to focus opening Microsoft Word before stating an opinion online which will be seen as incredible and faithless to Anna, love God in front of his enemies, because science without God is an explanation of force, you are sensitive that your ignorant friends who claim a terror on Earth is situated of being a total disaster, do not deny the Son in front of your friends, because the Father will deny you in front of His Son.

#elon musk #media criticism #i love him still #not a hater he's smart

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respectable-username · 3 years

Text

🔐 Why You (Probably) Don't Need A VPN

A rant by a software engineer sick of VPN ads from her favourite YouTubers

TL;DR:

Here are some legitimate reasons the average internet user might want to use a VPN:

To connect to their company's internal network

To bypass the Great Firewall of China (or other types of website blocks at country or organisation level)

To watch Netflix etc as if you were in another country

Here are absolutely rubbish reasons to use a VPN:

Privacy

And today, I'll tell you why.

Hang on, won't a VPN stop hackers from stealing my passwords?

I mean, it does encrypt the web traffic coming from your device.

You know what else encrypts web traffic coming from your device? Your browser.

Yes, in the year 2021, pretty much all websites on the internet are accessed over HTTPS. The "S" stands for "secure", as in "your request will be securely encrypted". If your browser is using HTTPS, nobody can capture the data you're sending over the internet. More detail in the "I like too much detail" section at the bottom of this post.

It's very easy to check if you are using HTTPS by looking at your URL bar. In most browsers, it will have a lock on it if secure:

(From top left to bottom right: Chrome on iOS, Safari on iOS, Chrome on Windows, Edge on Windows, Firefox on Windows, and Safari on Mac. Screenshots reflect the UI at the time this post was written. Oh gosh this has taken over 4 hours to write.)

But isn't moar encryption better? What if somebody breaks HTTPS?

For starters, nobody's breaking your HTTPS, and there isn't any benefit from double encrypting. This is because of the maths behind encryption/decryption!

Encryption works kinda like a lock and key, except the lock is maths and the key is a special number only known to the person allowed to unlock the information.

The important thing is, without the key, all the locked data looks like complete and utter garbage. Completely unusable. Barely distinguishable from random noise. There's absolutely no way to tell what the original data was.

The other important thing is that the key is nearly unguessable. As in, with current technology, will generally take more than the lifetime of the universe to guess by chance. And when technology gets faster, we just make the numbers bigger again until they're once again secure.

For any major website you use, they will use a strong encryption algorithm (ie lock) with big numbers so your keys will be strong enough to withstand an attack. This means your data is safe as long as that lock icon is in your URL bar.

A VPN will not make the existing garble any more garbled. The extra $10/month or whatever you're paying for does not buy you any extra protection.

If you want to know more about how encryption and HTTPS in particular work, see the "I like too much detail" section at the end of this post.

Something something viruses

How's a VPN going to stop viruses? It controls the path your internet traffic takes, not the content that gets sent down that path. I guess it could block some known virus-giving hosts? But if it's known to the VPN provider, it's probably also known to the built-in antivirus on your computer who can block it for you.

(Oh yeah, 3rd party antivirus is another thing that's not worth paying for these days. Microsoft's built-in Windows Defender is as good as the third party options, and something something Macs don't get viruses easily because of how they're architected.)

Honestly though, keep your software up to date, don't click on anything suspicious, don't open files from sources you don't trust, and you'll be right most of the time.

And keep your software up to date. Then update your software. Hey, did I mention keeping your stuff updated? Update! Now! It only takes a few minutes. Please update to the latest version of your software I'm begging you. It's the number 1 way to protect yourself from viruses and other malware. Most major software attacks could have been prevented if people just updated their damn software!

But my ISP is spying on me!

Ok, it is true that there are TWO bits of data that HTTPS can't and won't hide. Those are:

The source of a request (your IP)

What website that request is going to (the website's IP)

These are the bits of information that routers use to know where to send your data, so of course they can't be hidden as the data is moving across the internet. And people can see that information very easily if they want to.

Note: this will show which website you're going to, but not which page you're looking at, and not the content of that page. So it will show that you were on Tumblr, but will not show anyone that you're still reading SuperWhoLock content in 2021.

It's this source/destination information that VPNs hide, which is why they can be used to bypass website blocks and region locks.

By using a VPN, those sniffing traffic on your side of the VPN will just show you connecting to the VPN, not the actual website you want. That means you can read AO3 at work/school without your boss/teachers knowing (unless they look over your shoulder of course).

As for those sniffing on the websites end, including the website itself, they will see the VPN as the source of the connection, not you. So if you're in the US and using a VPN node in the UK, Netflix will see you as being in the UK and show you their British library rather than the American one.

If this is what you're using a VPN for and you think the price is fair, then by all means keep doing it! This is 100% what VPNs are good for.

HOWEVER, and this is a big "however", if it's your ISP you're trying to hide your internet traffic from, then you will want to think twice before using a VPN.

Let me put it this way. Without a VPN, your ISP knows every website you connect to and when. With a VPN, do you know who has that exact same information? The VPN provider. Sure, many claim to not keep logs, but do you really trust the people asking for you to send them all your data for a fee to not just turn around and sell your data on for a profit, or worse?

In effect, you're trading one snooper for another. One snooper is heavily regulated, in many jurisdictions must obey net neutrality, and is already getting a big fee from you regardless of where you browse. The other isn't. Again, it's all a matter of who you trust more.

For me personally, I trust my ISP more than a random VPN provider, if for no other reason than my ISP is an old enough company with enough inertia and incompetence that I don't think they could organise to sell my data even if they wanted to. And with the amount of money I'm paying them per month, they've only got everything to lose if they broke consumer trust by on-selling that data. So yeah, I trust my ISP more with my privacy than the random VPN company.

But my VPN comes with a password manager!

Password managers are great. I 100% recommend you use a password manager. If there's one thing you could do right now to improve your security (other than updating your software, speaking of, have you updated yet?), it's getting and using a password manager.

Password managers also come for free.

I'm currently using LastPass free, but am planning to switch after they did a bad capitalism and only let their free accounts access either laptop or mobile but not both now. I personally am planning to move to Bitwarden on friends' recommendation since it's not only free but open source and available across devices. I also have friends who use passbolt and enjoy it, which is also free and open source, but it's also a bit DIY to set up. Great if you like tinkering though! And there are probably many other options out there if you do a bit of googling.

So, yeah, please use a password manager, but don't pay for it unless you actually have use for the extra features.

No I really need to hide my internet activity from everybody for reasons

In this case, you're probably looking for TOR. TOR is basically untraceable. It's also a terrible user experience for the most part because of this, so I'd only recommend it if you need it, such as if you're trying to escape the Great Firewall. But please don't use it for Bad Crimes. I am not to be held liable for any crime committed using information learned from this post.

Further reading viewing

If you want to know more about why you don't need a VPN, see Tom Scott's amazing video on the subject. It's honestly a great intro for beginners.

I like too much detail

Ahhh, so you're the type of person who doesn't get turned off by long explanations I see. Well, here's a little more info on the stuff I oversimplified in the main post about encryption. Uhh, words get bigger and more jargony in this section.

So first oversimplification: the assumption that all web traffic is either HTTP or HTTPS. This isn't exactly true. There are many other application layer internet standards out there, such as ssh, ftp, websockets, and all the proprietary standards certain companies use for stuff such as streaming and video conferencing. Some of these are secure, using TLS or some other security algorithm under the hood, and some of them aren't.

But most of the web requests you care about are HTTP/HTTPS calls. As for the rest, if they come from a company of a decent size that hasn't been hacked off the face of the planet already, they're probably also secure. In other words, you don't need to worry about it.

Next, we've already said that encryption works as a lock and a key, where the lock is a maths formula and the key is a number. But how do we get that key to lock and unlock the data?

Well, to answer that, we first need to talk about the two different types of encryption: symmetric and asymmetric. Symmetric encryption such as AES uses the same key to both encrypt and decrypt data, whereas asymmetric encryption such as RSA uses a different key to encode and decode.

For the sake of my writing, we're going to call the person encrypting Alice, the person decrypting Bob, and the eavesdropper trying to break our communications Eve from now on. These are standard names in crypto FYI. Also, crypto is short for cryptography not cryptocurrencies. Get your Bitcoin and Etherium outta here!

Sorry if things start getting incoherent. I'm tired. It's after 1am now.

So first, how do we get the key from symmetric crypto? This is probably the easier place to start. Well, you need a number, any number of sufficient size, that both Alice and Bob know. There are many ways you could share this number. They could decide it when they meet in person. They could send it to each other using carrier pigeons. Or they could radio it via morse code. But those aren't convenient, and somebody could intercept the number and use it to read all their messages.

So what we use instead is a super clever algorithm called Diffie-Hellman, which uses maths and, in particular, the fact it's really hard to factor large numbers (probably NP Hard to be specific, but there's no actual proof of that). The Wikipedia page for this is surprisingly easy to read, so I'll just direct you there to read all about it because I've been writing for too long. This algorithm allows Alice and Bob to agree on a secret number, despite Eve being able to read everything they send each other.

Now Alice and Bob have this secret number key, they can talk in private. Alice puts her message and the key into the encryption algorithm and out pops what looks like a load of garbage. She can then send this garbage to Bob without worrying about Eve being able to read it. Bob can then put the garbage and the key into the decryption algorithm to undo the scrambling and get the original message out telling him where the good donuts are. Voila, they're done!

But how does Alice know that she's sending her message to Bob and not Eve? Eve could pretend to be Bob so that Alice does the Diffie-Hellman dance with her instead and sends her the secret location of the good donuts instead.

This is where asymmetric crypto comes in! This is the one with private and public keys, and the one that uses prime numbers.

I'm not 100% across the maths on this one TBH, but it has something to do with group theory. Anyway, just like Diffie-Hellman, it relies on the fact that prime factorisation is hard, and so it does some magic with semi-primes, ie numbers with only 2 prime factors other than 1. Google it if you want to know more. I kinda zoned out of this bit in my security courses. Maths hard

But the effect of that maths is easier to explain: things that are encoded with one of the keys can only be decoded with the other key. This means that one of those keys can be well-known to the public and the other is known only to the person it belongs to.

If Alice wants to send a message to Bob and just Bob, no Eve allowed, she can first look up Bob's public key and encrypt a beginning message with that. Once Bob receives the message, he can decrypt it with his private key and read the contents. Eve can't read the contents though because, even though she has Bob's public key, she doesn't know his private key.

This public key information is what the lock in your browser is all about BTW. It's saying that the website is legit based on the public key they provide.

So why do we need symmetric crypto when we have asymmetric crypto? Seems a lot less hassle to exchange keys with asymmetric crypto.

Well, it's because asymmetric crypto is slooooow. So, in TLS, the security algorithm that puts the "S" in "HTTPS", asymmetric RSA is used to establish the initial connection and figure out what symmetric key to use, and then the rest of the session uses AES symmetric encryption using the agreed secret key.

And there you have it! Crypto in slightly-less-short-but-still-high-enough-level-that-I-hope-you-understand.

Just realised how long this section is. Well, I did call it "too much detail" for a reason.

Now, next question is what exactly is and isn't encrypted using HTTPS.

Well, as I said earlier, it's basically just the source IP:port and the destination IP:port. In fact, this information is actually communicated on the logical layer below the application layer HTTPS is on, known as the transport layer. Again, as I said before, you can't really encrypt this unless you don't want your data to reach the place you want at all.

Also, DNS is unencrypted. A DNS request is a request that turns a domain name, such as tumblr.com, into an IP address, by asking a special server called a Domain Name Server where to find the website you're looking for. A DNS request is made before an HTTP(S) request. Anyone who can read your internet traffic can therefore tell you wanted to go to Tumblr.

But importantly, this only shows the domain name, not the full URL. The rest of the URL, the part after the third slash (the first two slashes being part of http://), is stuff that's interpreted by the server itself and so isn't needed during transport. Therefore, it encrypted and completely unreadable, just like all the content on your page.

I was going to show a Wireshark scan of a web request using HTTP and HTTPS to show you the difference, but this has taken long enough to write as it is, so sorry!

I could probably write more, but it's 1:30am and I'm sleepy. I hope you found some of this interesting and think twice before purchasing a VPN subscription. Again, there are legit good uses for a VPN, but they're not the ones primarily being advertised in VPN ads. It's the fact that VPN ads rely so heavily on false advertising that really grinds my gears and made me want to do this rant. It's especially bad when it comes from somebody I'd think of as technologically competent (naming no names here, but if you've worked in tech and still promote VPNs as a way to keep data safe... no). Feel free to ask questions if you want and hopefully I'll get around to answering any that I feel I know enough to answer.

Nighty night Tumblr. Please update your software. And use a (free) password manager. And enable two factor authentication on all your accounts. But mostly just update your software.

#technology #vpn #things you don't need #things that piss me off #res rambles #res writes

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that-spider-witch · 3 years

Text

On “Dead” Cultures and Closed Spiritual Practices: Why Colonialism Is Still A Problem.

Let me start this by saying that, as far as my knowledge of Paganism and Polytheism as a whole goes, I’m what the internet witch community calls a “Baby Witch”. I’m stating this out of the gate because I know there will be lots of people, including witches who have more experience on the craft than me, who might decide to ignore what I have to say based on that fact alone, stating that I’m not knowledgeable enough to give my opinion about this.

Here’s the kicker: I’m a ‘baby witch’, yes, but I’m also a twenty-six year old Venezuelan woman. I’m an adult. I’m Latina. I’m a Christian-raised Pagan,but I’m also a Latinoamerican woman over all other things including that. I grew up on this culture, these are my roots. It is because of this background than I’m writing this post today.

Looking through the “Paganism” and “Witchcraft” tags of this website, I’ve seen a few posts throwing indigenous deities and spirits’ names around on lists alongside deties of open cultures. Yes, you can know better by doing your own research and not going by what just a random Tumblr user wrote on one post (as I hope its the case with everyone on this website), but the fact that pagan beginners are still getting fed misinformation is still worrisome to me.

There’s nothing like reading a so-called expert putting Ixchen (Maya), Xolotl (Nahuatl) and Papa Legba (Vodou) on the same damn list as Norse, Hellenic and Kemetic deities and tagging it on the tags aimed at beginners who might not know better to truly ruin your morning. I’m not mentioning user names here: If you know then you know.

To quote @the-illuminated-witch on her very good post about Cultural Appropriation:

“Cultural appropriation is a huge issue in modern witchcraft. When you have witches using white sage to “smudge” their altars, doing meditations to balance their chakras, and calling on Santa Muerte in spells, all without making any effort to understand the cultural roots of those practices, you have a serious problem.

When trying to understand cultural appropriation in witchcraft, it’s important to understand the difference between open and closed magic systems. An open system is one that is open to exchange with outsiders — both sharing ideas/practices and taking in new ones. In terms of religion, spirituality, and witchcraft, a completely open system has no restrictions on who can practice its teachings. A closed system is one that is isolated from outside influences — usually, there is some kind of restriction on who can practice within these systems.”

A counter-argument I’ve seen towards this when someone wants to appropiate indigenous deities and spirits is to use the “dead culture” argument: Extinct cultures are more eligible for use by modern people of all stirpes. It is a dead culture and dead religion. It would be one thing if some part of the culture or religion was still alive, being used by modern descendants, but the culture died out in its entirety and was replaced, right? They were all killed by colonization, they are ancient history now, right?

Example: “If white people are worshipping Egyptian deities now, then why can’t I worship [Insert Aborigen Deity Here]?”

To which I have two things to say:

Ancient Egypt’s culture was open and imperialistic, meaning they wanted their religion to be spread. This is why Kemetism is not Cultural Appropriation, despite what some misinformed people might tell you. Similar arguments can also be made for the Hellenic and the Norse branches of Paganism, both practiced by people who aren’t Greek/Norse.

Who are you to say which cultures are “dead” and which are not?

Religious practices such as Vodou and Santería certainly aren’t dead, not that it keeps some Tumblr users from adding Erzuli as a “goddess” on their Baby Witch post, something that actual Vodou practitioners have warned against.

Indigenous cultures such as the Maya and the Mapuche aren’t dead, despite what the goverment of their countries might tell you. The Mapuche in particular have a rich culture and not one, but two witchcraft branches (The Machi and the Kalku/Calcu). Both are closed pagan practices that the local Catholic Church has continuously failed to assimilate and erase, though sadly not for lack of trying:

“The missionaries who followed the Spanish conquistadors to America incorrectly interpreted the Mapuche beliefs regarding both wekufes and gualichos. They used the word wekufe as a synonym for ideas of the devil, demons, and other evil or diabolical forces. This has caused misunderstanding of the original symbolism and has changed the idea of wekufe right up to the present day, even amongst the Mapuche people.”

For context, the Wefuke are the Calcu’s equivalent of the Familiar, as well as reportedly having more in common with the Fae than with demons anyway.

This and other indigenous religions are Closed because it is wrong for foreigners to just come and take elements from marginalized groups whom are still fighting to survive and that they weren’t born into. To just approppiate those things would be like spitting in their faces, treating them and their culture like a commodity, a shiny thing, a unique thing to be used like paint to spruce up your life or be special.

I know some of you are allergic to the word “Privilege”, but on this situation there really ain’t a better word to explain it. You weren’t born here, you don’t know what it is like, you are only able to see the struggle from an outsider’s point of view.

If a belief or practice is part of a closed system, outsiders should not take part in it. And with how many practices there are out there which are open for people of all races, there is really no excuse for you to do it.

Why Colonization Is Not “Ancient History”

If you have kept reading all this so far, you are probably wondering “Ok, but what does Colonization has to do with any of this?”

The answer? Everything.

With the general context of culture appropriation out of the way, let me tell you about why the whole “dead culture” argument rubs me the wrong way: Here in Venezuela, we have a goddess called Santa Maria de la Onza, or Maria Lionza for short, whom’s idol statue I have been using to illustrate this little rant. If you happen to know any Spanish, you might recognize the name as a derivative of Santa Maria, aka the Virgin Mary, and you are mostly correct: Her true indigenous name is theorized to have been Yara.

And I say “theorized” because it is a subject of hot debate whether she was really ever called that or not: Her original name, the name by which she was adored and worshipped by our ancestors, might have been forever lost to history.

That’s the legacy of colonization for you: Our cultures were stolen from us, and what they couldn’t erase they instead tried to assimilate. Our ancestors were enslaved, their lands and homes stolen, their artwork and literary works destroyed: The Maya and the Aztec Empire were rich in written works of all kinds, ranging from poetry to history records to medicine, and the Spaniards burned 99% of it, on what is probably one of the most tragic examples of book burning in history and one that people rarely ever talk about.

People couldn’t even worship their own gods or pass their knowledge of them to their children. That’s why Maria Lionza has such a Spanish Catholic-sounding name, and that’s why we can’t even be sure if Yara was her name or not: The Conquistadors couldn’t steal our goddess from us, so they stole her name instead. Catholics really have a thing with trying to assimilate indigenous goddesses with the Virgin Mary, as they tried to do the same with the Pachamama.

On witchy terms, I’d define Maria Lionza as both a deity and a land spirit: Most internet pages explaining her mention the Sorte mountain as her holy place, but it is more along the lines that she is the mountain.

You’d think that, with Venezuela and other Latinoamerican countries no longer being colonies, we’d be able to worship our own deities including her, right?

As far as a lot of Catholics seem to think and act, apparently we are not.

The Catholics here like to go out of their way to shame us, to call us “cultists”, to ostracize us, with a general call to “refrain from those pagan beliefs” because they go against the Catholic principles. Yes, the goddess with the Catholic-sounding name, a name she happens to share with a Catholic deity, apparently goes “against Catholic principles”. You really can’t make this shit up. (Linked article is in Spanish)

This is just an act of colonization out of many, of not wanting to stop until the culture they want to destroy is gone. Don’t believe for a second that this is really their God’s will or anything like that, they are just trying to finish what years of enslavement and murder couldn’t. They might not be actively killing us anymore, but they still want us dead.

So no, colonization is not some thing that has long passed and now only exist on history textbooks: It is still happening to this day. It is by treating it as old history that they can keep doing it, and it is by pushing the narrative that our indigenous cultures are “dead cultures” that they try to erase our heritage.

Because we are not dead. We are still here, we are alive, we have survived and we’ll keep on surviving, and our gods and goddesses are not yours to take.

¡Chao! 🐈

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batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years

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guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

#this is only like half of it #but at least you can get like a few answers #yanno fuck it #bataranswers #ask #asks #anon

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