#they should have done it anyways but like. imagine.
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𝗛𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱
𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 | alessia russo x mma!fighter
𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | Alessia encounters an unwanted attention and tries her best to hide it from you, knowing that you would absolutely do anything to keep her safe.
𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 | blood, assault, violence, ptsd, cursing, maybe attempt of murder
𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 | ik its been two months almost thre-anyways. this is 9 thousand something words and it took a lot of brain capacity.
The night was young, streetlights lit the city as rowdy adults filled London with joyous laughter. It was like any other Saturday night to most but not to Alessia.
She was leaving you home alone to attend Kyra's birthday party along with the other gunners. Usually, you'd be by her side through it all, but you were still healing from your previous fight.
Patched-up cuts and bruises here and there. None that you deemed bed-rest worthy, yet remained home to steer clear of the scolding you would get from your coaches.
So, here you were sitting with a large bucket of popcorn and the latest season of Love Island. It took a great deal to convince Alessia to leave your side for the night, refusing to go firsthand as the urge to smother you with love and care surged as time went on.
After countless reassurances and kisses, Alessia reluctantly switched out joggers for jeans and a pullover for a top. She stood in front of you, twirling to give you the 360. Deep down, you started to regret inducing her to go. While Alessia had a full blowout, you lounged on the loveseat with shorts and a sports bra. "And to think you didn't want to leave."
Alessia grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it, pointing a non-threatening finger at you. "Do not start teasing me. You were the one who was so adamant about me going. It's your fault I'm in this vest instead of my jumper."
"Love, if it makes you feel any better. I prefer you in nothing at all."
Alessia rolled her eyes, crossing her arms in annoyance. You grinned, beckoning her over, even when you managed to annoy her Alessia could never resist you. She trudged to you, pursing her lip when you patted your lap.
You grunted as she plopped down on you, the unexpected force taking you by surprise. It was Alessia's turn to grin, hooking her arms around your neck, yours to her hips. "I take it you didn't like my joke."
You were unfazed by Alessia's evil eye, more than used to it. "You do not get to make jokes like that. You're forcing me to go to a party I don't want to go to and you're watching Love Island without me. You're being mean." You snorted, and with a click, the game show switched to one of your old fights.
Alessia turned her head away, your fights always made her a bit queasy hence why she never watched them. "Yes, how can I be so cruel to my lovely girlfriend? I should be punished for my crimes." Alessia slapped your chest, not a fan of your mockery.
"Quit the sarcasm. Save that for someone else other than the love of your life."
You pecked her cheek, a quick apology. "You're right. The love of my life only deserves respect and devotion." She nodded her head in agreement, her pride growing as she had the big bad fighter everyone knew lay down the treatment she deserves.
"That is correct but don't think this sucking up made me forget what you've done to me."
You groaned, throwing your head back. "Love, you haven't left my side since my fight, normally I wouldn't mind but you've been cooped up all week. And it's Kyra's birthday, imagine the headaches she'll give you for missing it."
Alessia could already see it, Kyra having a kick at her for not showing up. The Australian was known for her little sister energy that never ran out, much to the unlikes of her teammates. Alessia recalled Kyra's recent mischievous act.
A week ago, Steph forgot to grab Kyra's favorite candy when making a store run and a childlike Kyra took it to offense. She hadn't stopped yapping the entire day, Steph departed training with ringing ears that lasted the next day.
Alessia didn't want to have a similar outcome.
"That rascal hid my boots last time because I refused to prank Katie. A nuisance she is." You smiled, Alessia's annoyance that wasn't targeted towards you was amusing to watch. You slipped a hand under her top, rubbing the warm bare skin a contrast to your cold hands.
"So, what I'm hearing is that I'm right."
Alessia gave you no acknowledgment, gasping when she felt your thumb dip below her waistline. You leaned in for a kiss, though you were met with a flat palm to the face. You pulled back, scrunching your nose. Alessia smiled widely, "No messing up my lip gloss, darling."
For the very first, you scowled at Alessia's bright pink lips. The desire to botch Alessia's perfectly applied lipstick grew by the second. You exhaled sharply, leaning back to put some distance between you and her restricted lips. "That's unfair. You look ravishing and you're saying I can't kiss you? Must you tease me?"
Alessia giggled under her breath; she kissed your neck, unapologetic about her teasing. "Oh, my big baby. Have the consequences of your actions come to play?" You frowned at Alessia's mocking pout, the way she spoke as if she were speaking to a child stirred something within you.
You roughly tugged her closer, inches away from her lips. You removed one hand from her hips, gripping her jaw in a tight-loose hold. Your thumb swiped her bottom lip to the corner. Her once-perfect gloss now smudged and not in the way she would have liked.
You brought your thumb to your lips, putting on a little show, humming at the taste of strawberries on your tongue.
Alessia froze, she didn't expect you to turn the tables on her so fast. You grabbed Alessia's phone out of her back pocket, hearing a ping. You opened her phone, purposely ignoring her. "Vic's here. You should get going if you don't want to be late."
Alessia remained unmoved, stuck in a trance you led her into. You chuckled, no emotion behind it, standing up causing Alessia no choice but to do so as well. You took her chin in between your two fingers, "A little quiet, aren't we? What's the matter, Alessia? Have the consequences of your actions come to play?"
Alessia gulped at the bite in your tone, she shouldn't have baited you. It always ended with her pinned to the bed, a position she loved yet a lesson she never intend to learn. Alessia's phone pinged once again, she paid it no mind too focus on your little stare-down. "Better get going before Vic comes up and knocks down our door."
Alessia hesitantly took her phone, squinting as if she was trying to figure out your plan. "Just like that?" You raised a brow, ignoring the pinch of pain as your stitches stretched.
"I can do worse than a smeared gloss, you of all people should know that. I suggest you leave now before you don't at all." Alessia's finger hovered over her lips, she could feel the slight stickiness at the corners of her lips. You hadn't done much to taint them, but Alessia wished you did.
Your eyes began to soften at Alessia's timid stature, tipping her head up with a finger. Wiping away the small mess you created. "Have fun tonight, okay? I love you."
A smile grew on Alessia, puckering her lips for a kiss. "I thought you didn't want to ruin your makeup" She rolled her eyes at your cockiness, pulling you down to finally bring you into a kiss you both craved.
Alessia was the first to separate, "I love you too. Don't wait up." She gave you one last peck, grabbing her purse on her way out. Swaying her hips side to side, mindful of your wandering eyes.
"Not having the time of your life are you, Less?"
Lia winced as Alessia's head snapped to her, "I am. Why do you ask?" Lia didn't believe the young girl and it showed, Alessia stuck herself at their rented-out booth, doing nothing else other than sipping on her club soda.
"You haven't moved since we got here. What? Are you not used to having your little bloodhound with you?"
That got a laugh out of Alessia, Lia grinned cheekily. You were always a topic used to tease Alessia, two total opposites that fit together like a puzzle. She pushed the national captain as she poked fun at her. You were deemed 'The Bloodhound' early in your career by the media after endless fights where you left the cage a bloodbath.
"You can say that. She's still heal-" The boisterous of their teammates cut Alessia off, stumbling and cackling at whatever their drunk minds thought was funny. Leah threw herself next to Lia, pointing to Katie, her finger unsteadied as a result of her tipsiness. "I got it last time, McCard. It's your turn."
The Irish childishly shook her head, throwing up the bird, "No." Leah huffed, her infamous frown appearing. She turned to the person next to Katie. "Fine. Caitlin, you go."
"She's not going."
The blonde threw her arms up in frustration, so much for being capitan. "Someone had to go, Katie! You've been weaseling your way out of rounds for the last two months!" The said weasel denied it, though the smirk on her lips said otherwise.
Leah's glare intensified, she wasn't a quitter, far from it. Even as a drunk, giving up was never in her dictionary. She stood up, ready to drag the queen of reds to do her go.
Lia, being the only sensible one there, quickly sat the Williamson down, giving her a warning not to start a fight.
"What about our depressed lover over there? She hasn't done anything. No dancing, no drinking. A little mood killer if you ask me." Katie winced as she received slaps from all around, unable to pinpoint who exactly hit her. Alessia cleared her throat, dumbfounded by how she got dragged in.
Lia held out a hand, stopping Katie from going off her rockers and possibly digging her own grave if you were to find out about how she spoke to your fiancé. "Hey, now. Alessia isn't in the mood, we should respect that and be happy she's even here." Alessia squeezed Lia's hand, thanking her for coming to her defense.
However, the people-pleaser side of Alessia won. She moved to stand, but Lia's hand halted her from doing any further. Her concerns made Alessia glad that she had someone in her corner for the wild night. "It's fine. She's sorta right, I've been a killjoy. Maybe this will loosen me up."
"Are you sure?"
Alessia gave Lia the okay, slipping out of her hold, and down to the crowd. Internally gagging at the stench of body odor hitting her unexpectedly. Fresh air welcomed her as she exited the crowd, breathing deeply, the cool air traveled through and around her body.
She rested her arms on the bar, calling the bartender for the round she volunteered to collect. Alessia daydreamed as she waited, snuggling up against you after tonight sounded like the perfect dream to make into a reality.
"Hi."
Alessia didn't flinch at the new voice, too caught up with herself to realize that she was being spoken to. She jumped slightly at the tap on her shoulder, surprised by the close proximity. "Oh, hi." It was small and brief, a simple acknowledgment of him. That's all. At least Alessia thought it was.
"Are you here alone?"
Alessia shook her head uninterested, looking back at the bartender to see if he was preparing her order. He wasn't.
"Who are you here with?"
She sighed, annoyed that he couldn't get the hint. Unbothered to look at him, Alessia answered, hoping the mentioned presence of her team would scare him off. "I'm here with my mates."
"Brilliant. Would your mates mind if I tag along?"
Alessia isn't the type to be easily angered, she grew up with two brothers by force she learned how to have more patience than the average person when it came to men and their small minds.
But something about this stranger irked her. So, she bit her tongue of what she really wanted to say, 'fuck off' and instead said, "They would actually. It's a girl's night and they'll be really upset if it was intruded."
Her saving grave, the bartender came back and he wasn't alone. Alessia quickly picked up the platter, leaving without so much of a goodbye.
There were no cheers or clicking of the shots, as everyone threw their head back to down the hard liquid. Kyra emerged from the crowd, eyes blown and a big smile that stretched cheek to cheek.
She latched onto Alessia's arm, "You're being boring tonight! It's my birthday!" Kyra tugged her to the middle of the room, an area Alessia tried to avoid.
Alessia grabbed onto the nearest person, drawing them along, soon enough a chain of gunners were trailing behind her. Alessia took shot after shot, shortly after, her body relaxed into the rhythmic beats.
She neglected to notice the unexpected hands on her waist as the hands closed around her, squeezing tightly, Alessia instantly knew that these hands weren't a friend of hers.
She roughly pulled away, spinning to see the stranger from the bar. He wore a smirk, smug that he got as close as he did with her. "What the hell are you doing?" He threw his arms to the side, showcasing a little dance of his.
"Dancing, dear. Come back, we were just having some fun."
Alessia shook her head, disgust seeped under her skin. She felt repulsed at some stranger touching her. "No, leave me alone. I am not interested."
"It looked like you were pretty interested. What was that move you did? The one where you were moving your hips side to side. Do you mind doing that again?"
Alessia turned away, thinking it would be best to take her leave rather than speak to him any further. Alas, the stranger couldn't care less. He followed Alessia, shoving bystanders out of his way. "Wait! Do not run off!" She ignored him, scurrying to the booth of gunners.
Just as Alessia was about to reach the table, she was pulled back. She gasped as a huge body engulfed her, Alessia mustered up the strength to push away but the attempt was too futile. "Get off!"
Alessia curled up as much as she could in his hold, his efforts to land a kiss on her neck was challenged by her strong resistance. "I'm a nice lad! Don't be so difficult!" He laughed in disbelief as Alessia struggled, the scene began to gather the attention of nearby clubbers.
"Let me go! Fuckin prick!"
Everything happened in a flash, Alessia was yanked away, bodies meddled between him and her. Mixture of brunettes and blondes filled Alessia's sight.
"You're okay. They're handling it."
Alessia could hardly register Viv's soft voice, the tall Dutch led her out the club, withdrawing from the chaos as the fight got bigger. Viv rubbed circles on her back, trying to calm the shaken girl.
She ignored the security guards that rushed into the building, faint sounds of glass breaking reached her ears. "I'll take you home as soon as Beth is done."
Panic swept through Alessia, red eyes going wide at the thought of returning home. "No! If I go home, she'll know something happened. I can't- I can't-" Viv hushed Alessia, hugging the younger as she spiraled.
Alessia didn't have to specify who she was talking about, only one person was waiting at home for Alessia. That person is you.
"Less, are you scared of yn?"
It was a question Viv didn't want to ask but did. Alessia's reaction to going home wasn't normal especially if it held the person who loved you and you, her. It's a red flag that Viv wasn't so quick to brush off.
Alessia flinched, staring at Viv as if she said the most absurd thing known to man. "What? No! No! Never! I'm scared for her! If she finds out what happened tonight-" Alessia suddenly stopped, she didn't want to believe what happened, happened.
How close he was, how his hands were all around her, how she felt his front pressed up against her. It physically and mentally sickened Alessia to the core.
She collected herself the best she could, staring straight into Viv's eyes. "She'll kill him. Viv, those beatings she does in the cages are nothing. That's her having fun. But this will set her off. You have to promise me that yn wouldn't hear a word about this. Viv promise me."
You couldn't find out, not when Alessia knew the lengths you'd go to protect her. Not when she knew how ill-tempered you were and how easily you got lost in your fit of anger. Alessia was your weakness, she knew that you knew that. Which is why you couldn't know, Alessia had no doubt you'd go on a manhunt to track down whoever harmed her.
Viv gazed into the abyss, unable to comprehend the fear Alessia had for you. You were someone with physical power, that Viv knew, you had the skills and scars to prove it. It was what you trained for, nearly two decades you've been building up your skills to hurt people for a living.
The active terror Alessia showed let Viv know that you were lawless by your own rules. "Okay, okay. I promise. And the others will too." That calmed Alessia down a bit, she leaned into Viv's side watching the passing cars as they waited for the rest.
"Fuck off!"
Katie came out first, followed by the rest of the players and security guards. Yelling and cursing lingered in the air, Viv ignored it, guiding Alessia to the car. "Let's wait in the car. It'll be a while before they quiet down."
The unfortunate events replayed in her mind like a broken record, it kept playing and playing. If she was lucky, sometimes it'd short-circuit. Then, all she could see was you, it felt like a dream. Like you weren't real, and that she was simply imagining someone to protect her to the very end.
But you were real.
You were real and Alessia had a tough time believing that. Believing that you her knight in shining armor. Whispers of promises in her ear at night, how you engraved that into her. But, you were nowhere to be seen when Alessia needed you the most. Instead, you were at home resting.
Part of Alessia wanted to blame you, yet she couldn't, she wouldn't. Not when you were her person, especially not when Alessia understood very well that if you were with her, you'd be in a jail cell by the time the sun rose.
You lost the ability of control when it came to Alessia, if someone were to so much as trip her, you'd return the favor tenfold. The more Alessia thought about you, the more she desired to go home.
"Hungry? We can go to Greggs."
Beth peered over at Alessia, the young striker hadn't made a peep since arriving at the couple's flat and that was hours ago. Beth and Viv stayed up the entire night nurturing Alessia to a certain extent, she allowed. Which wasn't much.
She inhabited the couch corner, not even a slight inch off. She hadn't spoken, eaten, or moved, her brain going haywire, and they couldn't do anything about it.
Beth kneeled, placing a comforting hand on Alessia's knee, gaining her attention without spooking her. "Why don't you take a shower? I imagine sticky sweat isn't the best feeling on the body."
Ease rippled through the couple as Alessia finally moved in the last eight hours, though it was short as Alessia's movements were slow and calculated. Beth patiently waited for her, directing Alessia to the awaiting shower that called her.
The shower did more than just cleanse Alessia of sweat, the overwhelming emotions of the night washed down the drain never to be seen or felt again. Alessia preferred it that way, it was better to believe that it was gone rather than it be stuck on her.
She'd rather be numb than feel what she felt in that dreadful encounter.
Alessia avoided looking into the mirror, squeezing the towel around her tight as she exited the warm steam. The coldness of the early morning greeted her, she walked over to the bed, holding up the Arsenal pull-over Beth set out for her.
She quickly put it on, brushing it down only for her eyes to catch the coloring on her hips. Her fingers lightly grazed the finger-print bruises, her breath hitches as flashbacks of his firm grip on her were physically felt in that second.
Alessia wanted to cry, she didn't want to feel as if someone was standing behind her, she didn't want to feel as if she was being touched like some sort of pet.
Alessia pushed down her tears along with anything else rising to the surface. She walked out the room, the conversation hushed as she came into view, and Alessia didn't care to bring it up knowing fully well it was about her. She sat next to Viv barely returning a smile, "Feel better?" Alessia ignored her, that was the better option.
The truth would raise more questions than she could handle right now. "I'm going home. Yn probably stayed up for me and I don't want to keep her waiting any longer." Understatement of the century. Alessia couldn't grasp the fact that time passed, only assuming, too stuck in her void to feel time's existence.
"Don't fret. I called her and told her you were too tired to make it home. She knows you're here."
Stunned, Alessia sent Beth a nod. "Thanks, but I should really get going." Viv and Beth got the obvious hint that Alessia didn't want to be there anymore, she quickly shoved her phone in her pocket, zipping past them.
The couple hastily followed behind, catching Alessia right at the door. "Let us drive you. We can get Greggs on the way." They didn't give Alessia too much room to argue, Viv grabbed her keys as Beth pushed her out the flat.
"You can ride front seat."
Alessia carefully closed the door, releasing a breath now that she was alone. Beth and Viv had been absolutely sweethearts to Alessia during her stay, but she needed time to herself, time away from eyes that were waiting for her to break.
Slowly and quietly, she shuffled to the kitchen, not a single object out of place since she left. Alessia grabbed a water bottle, the first source of intake she allowed her body to have. The Greggs paper bag perched on the counter, dismissing what Viv had gotten her.
In the safety of her own home, Alessia felt her body ease into itself, the familiarity of these four walls secured her protection and well-being. Something Alessia never thought she'd crave so much.
She went in search of the only person wanted, needed. Weights were lifted off of Alessia's chest when she caught you sleeping in bed, looking ever the most peaceful. A state that she wasn't going to ruin with the truth.
Alessia brushed loose strands out your face, laying on her side, snuggling up in your arms absent from the scary world. Her breath hitches as you pull her closer, "You're back." Your voice husky, eyes still shut half-asleep. Alessia's fingers found your dog tag, turning it over to see the engravement of her name and jersey number. A chain you wore proudly. "I'm back."
"Did you have fun?"
Her fiddling stopped, a small shutter of breath escaped her as the haunting hours came back, this is where Alessia was supposed to spew a little white lie. But she couldn't. Never has Alessia lied to you, never thinking she would need to. This would be a lot harder than she thought.
"Less, is everything okay?"
Your eyes barely opened, the bright light peaked through the curtain nerved your sensitivity. Alessia used her finger to soothe your wrinkles, humming as she tried to lull you back to sleep. "Can't remember much of it. I had too much to drink."
Two lies in one.
Alessia remembered everything and frankly, she didn't drink enough to forget.
You patted her back, comforting, "That's alright. You're home now." Your words brought her more comfort than you can imagine. Alessia was home now; she was home with you, within these four walls. She couldn't be more safer than she is right now.
In your upcoming years as a fighter, you were taught to control your emotions going as far as to eliminate them. The human instinct to feel sympathy for beating another wasn't an option when it came down to winning titles.
By default, you suppressed them to the alternatives outside the cage. Thus, you didn't experience the depths of anxiety or stress like many others did.
But, in recent times it seems as if you're experiencing life in a new manner. You've never been more uneased as you have in the past week. Even minutes before your matches were you never this stressed.
And the main reason for it all is Alessia. The only person in the world to cause you to feel things you normally wouldn't. A blessing and a curse.
Alessia wasn't acting like herself lately, a bit distant something she never was before. Alessia, by nature, was clingy. She clung onto you like a koala does a tree, cuddles, hugs, anything to make your bodies become one, she did. Which is why, her being so distant with you was concerning.
It's been a couple of days since her behavior shifted, at first you thought it was due to the rough start of the week, you were back in camp for your next fight thus your time with Alessia was shorten, she as well was dealing with some tension at work, none she was willing to elaborate.
You figured she needed some alone time to get through.
You tried to be there when she seeked you, yet she hardly did. And you didn't want to push her during a tender time, so you let her be until she was ready. Though, that didn't stop you from actively caring about her, little things such as making her breakfast, washing her uniform, nothing excessive in your mind. Still, Alessia appreciated it all.
Curiosity spiked when she began to wear long sleeves as if it were a second skin, typically you'd brush it off, thinking she hopped on some sort of fashion trend, but the summer heat had her drenched in sweat.
Your attempts to get her into your shirts-which she loved to steal and wear-was useless. Refusing constantly, Alessia stuck to her long-sleeves. You didn't push further, despite your worry each time she went out.
The electricity bill was off the charts that month in turn to keep her cool.
Your agitation heightened when Alessia started to spend more time in the guestroom, it was odd at first considering she rarely stepped foot in the room, in the two years you've lived there.
Guests sleeping over wasn't common therefore your guestroom remained unoccupied most of the time. Not anymore now that Alessia had taken the room for herself.
Aside from the guestroom, it appeared as if you were living alone. You were the only one occupying the common spaces, Alessia nowhere to be seen unless you looked for her. Eventually, your small time together doubled down to nil.
It pained you to see Alessia isolate herself, the last time she acted in such a way was when she was coping with body issues. An unpretty chapter in Alessia's life that none of you spoke about. To prevent a defense lock if confronted, you did whatever you could to build Alessia's self-love without addressing the matter upfront.
It was a bit difficult at first since Alessia's determination to avoid you persisted. You were limited to passing compliments, soft touches, and love letters that you laid in the middle of the bed for her to read when she got home.
Your brief time didn't stop you from showering your girl with the love that she needed and deserved.
The rough week passed and Alessia semi-returned to her normal state. She went back to stealing- your shirts, a more fitting attire for the summer- and her time in the guestroom lessened. She still retreated to the room here and there for an hour or two, nothing you were too worried about now that she seemed better.
Everything was going back to place that is up until, the festival incident.
It happened on a Wednesday afternoon, you and Alessia had gotten caught in the middle of a London festival. One you were aware of too late and thanks to your ignorance, Alessia faced the consequences.
You pushed through the busy festive, pulling Alessia by hand. Bodies pressed up against each other tight spaced, trumpets and cheers blaring in your ears. Rising temper balancing on the cliff's edge as you kept trying to find an escape route, the provoking factors placed you and Alessia on the brink of disaster.
You stood at a whopping six feet using the height advantage to look for an outlet, naive to the shifts in Alessia's breathing. Behind you, Alessia felt her mind and body going haywire.
She could feel her heart beating against her chest, head whipping side to side anxiously seeking for an out. Her throat closed up at the multiple touches on her, she shut her eyes to block out her surroundings but that only made it worse as she instinctively focused on her senses.
Alessia's eyes snapped open, feeling you tug on her. She instantly found your figure, taking her all to concentrate on you. Alessia internally struggled to not think about the prying flashbacks at the back of her mind.
It fought so hard to come forward, to torture her in broad daylight, but Alessia fought harder. She tried to pinpoint the difference between then and now.
The sun was the first she identified, the sun gave her clear view of everyone and everything around her, unlike the colored lights in the dark club. Then there was you. You were the major detail that differed to Alessia, you were there to protect and love her, that's all Alessia needed.
Yet, it didn't stop the strength draining from her body, replaced by what Alessia could distinguish as emptiness. It was in her best efforts to push down the vile feelings, but it was all in vain.
You stumbled back as you felt a cease in Alessia's step. You looked over your shoulder to see her head down, her form shaking like a madman. Without thinking, you closed the distance, calling out to her, but she made no sign that she heard you.
You lifted her head, eyes gaping when Alessia's red teary eyes made contact with yours. Less than a second, you wrapped Alessia in your arms, forcibly pulling her through the crowd, recklessly pushing people out of your way.
You sighed in relief as you and Alessia finally broke free of the bustling street ducking into a small alley. You leaned up against the building, Alessia sobbed into your neck as you settled her. Tears flowed nonstop, you ran your fingers through her hair, humming to tune out the festival's band.
"Can we go home please?"
Alessia looked up at you with her big blue puffy eyes, your heart broke. Your thumb wiped away the lone tear, pecking her forehead. The answer was a no-brainer, you pulled down your hood on Alessia's head, guiding her out the alley and to a taxi, keeping her as close as possible through it all.
For the next few days, you and Alessia isolated yourselves from the world. Alessia didn't want to speak further about it and as much you wanted to, you knew better than to push. You were just glad she wasn't shutting herself in the other room like before.
And Alessia hated it, she hated that you were walking on eggshells with her. She didn't want you to treat her as if she's fragile. Alessia's strong, she knew that she believed it, so why didn't she feel like it?
Instead, she felt suffocated. Alessia began to loathe herself because of it. The constant looks over her shoulder, checking her body as if bruises will appear, it's been two weeks and she can't move on.
A concern started to brew in Alessia's mind, she feared that your relationship may be the cost of her erratic paranoia.
In attempts to salvage or drag out the inevitable, Alessia spent more time with you, she no longer went on your daily walks, but rather to sit on the balcony for her daily fresh air. You didn't mind, she knew that you only went on those walks because Alessia suggested it first, couples' cardio she said.
In all her years, Alessia didn't know what to do, she didn't know how to save herself.
Too stuck in her head to feel Kyra poking her, the Australian entertained herself jabbing the mindless blonde. Giggling when Alessia didn't flinch at the dirty towel thrown at her face.
The younger picked up her water bottle spraying at Alessia, bursting out laughing when she screeched. "Kyra! Go away!" The mischievous player dodged the towel thrown back at her, running away before Alessia could do worse.
Alessia wiped the wetness with her shirt, thankful for Kyra unintentionally pulling her out of her prisoned thoughts. Leah patted the striker's shoulder, pitiful that Alessia had been chosen to be on the end of Kyra's pranks. "So, is the hound coming next week?" Alessia's lip twitched at your alias.
"What's next week?"
"You forgot? The sporting event remember, Jona told us two months ago."
Alessia racked her brain, trying to remember the said event. Then, it hit her, it was a small thing some organization was having to spread the word of football, gain some investors, nothing Alessia wanted to do with. She shook her head, tying up her laces. "I'll skip out. Not in the mood for socializing."
Leah gave her a look, "Mate, it's mandatory. You can't get out of it." Alessia groaned, her plans to laze around with you was a bust. Alessia liked the small bubble, you and her built in your time together, and she wasn't planning on leaving it so soon. But, it looks like she didn't have a choice.
"I'll ask her."
"Is there really a point to? We all know what she's going to say."
Alessia pushed Leah, the captain grinning cheekily at her, a teasing underlining in her words. Everyone who knew you and Alessia's relationship personally knew that you'd do anything she asked.
If Alessia wanted food from a place a town a way, best be known that you're driving all the way there. If she wanted a new car, you're taking her to the dealership within the next hour. In this case, you'd be attending before you were even made aware of it.
"Okay, I'll stop with the teasing...for now. We'll see you there, oh, and it's a white-themed dress code. So, tell the missus, no black. It's not a funeral." Alessia snorted, waving to Leah as she left the locker room. The drive home was about as peaceful as one can be after a long day at work.
Alessia pulled into the lot, funny enough, catching you as you stepped out of your car with a takeaway bag. She kissed you, your favorite way to be greeted by the love of your life.
You swung her gym bag over your shoulder. "What did you get?"
"A protein bowl from that Japanese restaurant down the street and your usual."
Alessia grinned, pecking you on the cheek. "You're the best." You hummed tiredly, holding the door open for her. "I have to speak to you about something." You perked, thinking that she would finally be open about what's happening these few weeks.
"There's this thing, me and the girls are attending. It's obligated that we go but on the bright side, we can bring a plus one. So, darling will you be my plus one?"
You deflated, disappointed but smiled nonetheless. Setting the bag aside, wrapping an arm around her waist, "I would love nothing more. Now, let's eat up. I'm starving."
"It also has an all-white attire. So, no digging deep in your closet for your black suits, darling."
"Son of a bitch!"
"Damn, mami!"
Alessia fought back a smile as you exclaimed loudly, she placed her hand in your reaching one, unable to fight a growing grin any further. She squealed as you spun her, her dress flowing in the air. "You look so good. Are you trying to put me to shame?"
Alessia rolled her eyes, slapping your chest, passing over to the mirror to put on the finishing touches to her outfit. "You flatter me too much." You looked at your girlfriend through the mirror, clearly offended by her words.
"If this is too much, then I'm not doing a good job. Because my girl deserves all the compliments in the world."
You rested on her shoulder, Alessia applied her red lipstick, in your mind she did it too slowly. "You do an excellent job, my love. I can promise you that." Alessia handed you her necklace, beaming at the sight. It wasn't just any necklace, but a 23-karat diamond necklace. One of its kind, personally designed for her.
You gifted to her on your first anniversary, a token that she belonged to you, an object of your love for her.
You clipped it, staring intently as she stroked the diamonds around her neck. Alessia's eyes flickered up to you, blushing, instantly recognizing the emotion swirling in your eyes. You bowed down to kiss upon it, your gloss sticking to her neck painting it with the outline of your lips.
Alessia tilted her head to the side, eyes closing in bliss. You pulled her closer by the waist, your fingertips resting on the zipper. Alessia pulled away when she felt the dress loosen around her, "We can't." You huffed at her breathless words, drooping your forehead on her uncovered back.
"Why? No one will notice us missing."
"Kim will. She'll have me running laps next practice."
You rezip up Alessia's dress, creating some needed distance. "We can't have that now, can we? Let's get going before I rip that dress off." You led her out of the flat, focusing on the numbers as the elevator went.
Internally fighting the urge to drag Alessia back to bed and have your way with her.
You grunted, feeling the hovers of Alessia's fingers dancing across your chest as she played with the buttons on your shirt. You wore a white pantsuit, two out of five unbuttoned, revealing your cleavage and dog-tag.
You looked too good, the longer Alessia studied you, the more regret bubbled in her stomach. She jumped at the elevator chime, you chuckled removing her hand from your chest, intertwining them.
You opened the car door for her, bending down to match her height as she sat in the passenger seat. The proclaimed passenger princess. "You gone a little quiet, Less." She ignored you, texting whoever was on the other end of the line.
You mockingly pouted, "Don't be bratty with me, love. You're the one who didn't want to take one for the team and run laps." You chuckled at Alessia's silence, walking to the driver side.
You cleared your throat, sipping on a glass of bourbon. Classical music played while businesswomen and men spoke as if they'd do any actual work outside this meaningless gathering. You scanned the room; blinded by the bright white all around. Not an interesting thing in sight.
You concluded that white parties sucked, and parties hosted by old men sucked even more. Them and their greedy ass money, you grimaced as the cheap liquor coated your throat, their inability to buy a good brand irked you.
You hid away in the corner with Alessia and her team, hanging off Alessia's shoulder like a piece of meat. You had no business being there, other than being her eye candy.
Usually, you'd be talking to Katie about her newly collection of red cards that never seemed to stay consistent, but she was too busy sucking up to her girlfriend and there was no way you'll get in the middle of that.
You prepared yourself as your eyes caught Kyra walking over after being shooed off by Leah, the mischievous smirk on her lips let you know that she found her next target, you.
Kyra plopped beside you, instantly ambushing you. You smacked Kyra's prying hands, "Kyra down! Down Kyra!" The little tussle wasn't fair, you refused to remove your arm from Alessia, but even with one hand, you were stronger than Kyra.
The younger girl ignored your demands, continuing her attempts to wrangle your drink out of your possession and into her mouth. "Kyra! I'll buy you a fucking drink! For fuck sakes!" Immediately, like an obedient puppy, Kyra unlatched herself from you, hands intertwined in her lap as she smiled innocently at you.
You whispered your departure to Alessia, well aware that you were doing everyone a favor by taking Kya away. "Follow me, you brat." She trailed behind you, sticking her tongue out at Steph when the older Australian caught her shadowing you to the bar.
As you left with the little troublemaker, the atmosphere in the Arsenal corner became a little calmer. Alessia giggled At Vic's story, the Dutch dodging the slap Alessia delivered, poking fun when she missed.
Vic's laughter died down as her eyes caught on something or someone. Alessia of her own subsided, curiosity knocked on her chest as Vic's body language changed into something Alessia couldn't identify.
"Less, is that the guy from the pub a few weeks back? The one who-"
Vic couldn't bring herself to finish, the effect still remained with Alessia, it was evident to all the girls. Alessia slowly and surely began to act like herself again, but the Arsenal girls knew better. They knew better than what Alessia was leading on.
She squinted as if it would help her see better through the vast crowd, a few bodies shuffled to the side revealing the reason for her all her recent troubles.
London was a big city, the percentage of running into the same people is less than one. The world had to be playing some sick joke on Alessia, as though it wanted blood to be spilled tonight. Something Alessia's been terribly trying to avoid.
Warmth drained out her system, suddenly everything felt chilly yet sweat lingered near her hairline. Alessia struggled to allow oxygen into her lungs, head snapping left and right,desperate to find you.
Vic tried to calm her, speaking in hush tones to get Alessia's attention. But it was useless, Vic called Leah over. Despite yelling for Leah, the entire team heard the urgency in her voice.
They rushed over, huddling over Alessia's shaking figure. Leah kneeled, cupping Alessia's face in her hands, coaching her through her panic. "Less! Alessia! Breath! Mate, breath!"
You shoved Kyra when she blew in your ear, rubbing the ticklish feeling away, never have you met someone so fearless of you. Granted everyone knew you wouldn't hurt Kyra despite her annoying antics. "You little shit, I swear-"
"Are you that MMA fighter? The Bloodhound, right?"
Kyra snickered, you pursed your lips giving her a look, one that meant that you're little fued wasn't over. You turned to the man in suit, he looked like every man in the room...dull. Can no man dress to save their life?
"Yeah, what's up?"
Kyra peeked over your shoulder, wanting a look at who took your attention away from her. Dread, that's all Kyra felt at the sight of him. She couldn't forget him, the bastard that hurt her best friend, someone you didn't know existed until now.
Kyra was aware of Alessia's severe desire to keep what had happened at her birthday celebration a secret.
Steph and Caitlin practically drilled it in her mind, not to slip up when you were around. Kyra didn't expect to see him again, no one did. But, to have him up front and center talking to you freely after what he had done to Alessia, sickened Kyra.
The Aussie searched for her teammates, hoping to catch someone's eye to tell them of the presence of their number one hit list. And Kyra did, however, it wasn't as she had hoped. Laura frenetically waved her over, pointing to you urgently.
"Do you mind if we took a picture?"
Before you could answer, Kyra wasted no time, pulling you away in the direction of her team. You let Kyra do as she pleased, taking in her hurried steps and anxious expression to mind. "Kyra, what-"
"Yn!"
You rushed past those in your way, cupping Alessia's face in your hands. Deja vu hit you like a truck, red teary eyes staring deep into your soul. You placed her on your lap, coaxing her to take deeper breaths. "I'm here, baby. I'm here."
You looked at the Arsenal women for answers, their troubled aura triggered the heap of anger lying underneath your skin. "What the hell happened?"
Some stared at you and Alessia with sorrow, others avoided your eyes, looking at literally anything else.
Out of everyone, the only person who had the galls to look you in the eyes was the captain herself. "Mate, it's not for us to say." Leah glanced over to Alessia, silently telling you that if you wanted answers it would have to come for her.
Leah loved Alessia like her own sister and she couldn't watch her be destroyed by what happened and as your friend, she couldn't allow you to suffer in the dark, clueless.
"Less?"
Alessia's refusal to meet your eyes remained, your jaw clenched. You loved her with all your being, but the anger brewing was too hot to handle. Everyone knew something you didn't, something regarding Alessia, and it didn't take a genius to know that it was serious.
"Alessia." Your voice stern, you were no longer allowing Alessia's excuses to fly over your head. Alessia shook her head, "Please. Please don't make me." Your heart clenched at her pleading, deep down you didn't want to pressure her, but she left you no choice.
"Alessia, what am I missing? What are they hiding? What are you hiding?"
Alessia looked at her friends for help, at the back of her mind, she knew they couldn't. But it was worth a try. Lia nods in encouragement, something so small but so powerful for Alessia.
She cradled your jaw, leaning in your ear, unwilling to see your murderous anger spiral to what she knows will end in crime scene.
The gunners observed as your face hardened, concern switched to rage in seconds. Your brows deepened, jaw and lip tight, what caught their attention was your clenched fists. Veins popped out from your arms to the back of your hand, knuckles ready to take some action.
Alessia pulled back, caressing your pale knuckles. Her lips moved but nothing was coming out of them. You couldn't hear her begging you to not do anything, you couldn't hear her tell you she loved you. You couldn't hear anything but your blood pumping in your ears.
You abruptly stood up, bringing Alessia up with you. You passed your fiance to the nearest person, Beth. "Get her out of here." You pecked Alessia's forehead, ignoring her calls for you to come back. You head to Katie, the sole person on the team who supported violence. "Where is he?"
Wordlessly, Katie pointed him out and what do you know? It's the same dude that asked you for a photo, you scoffed at the sheer audacity of men. You pushed past Katie, sidestepping Leah's hand.
You expertly navigated through the crowd, stalking up to him. Even at a distance, you could make out his figure, he was lean and scrawny, nowhere near your built physique.
You sized him up as you approached, just in time, he turned to notice you, overlooking the smoke coming out of your ears. "Hey! Back for that pic-" His words cut with a right hook to the cheek, and in no time, he dropped to the floor.
You climbed on top of him, balling his collar in your fist, the other delivering strike after strike.
The feeling of your knuckles connecting with his jaw was exhilarating, with every punch you imagine his bones cracking. You grunted as he fought against you, but he was weak.
The first blow was enough to knock him on his back, the countless you landed after offered multiple hospitalization conditions.
You yelled as you felt hands pulling you off. You shoved the random men off you, glaring them down as they took in your physical state. "Touch me again! I'll fuck all of you up!" You momentarily forgot that this was a sports event, the people surrounding you most likely knew who you were.
You watched recognition hit them now that you were in your true form. They heed your words standing back to let you do what you were trained to do. They couldn't save a man getting beaten, but they can definitely save themselves from you.
Huffing, you quickly grabbed the bleeding man by the throat, slamming him onto the bar. The sound of glass pierced everyone's ears, but you paid it no mind. Holding his upper body against the bar, smashing his face in.
You were aware that even your worst opponents didn't get this type of treatment, he was different. He touched your girl, he hurt her, and he was going to pay for it with his life. "Why did you touch her?! Huh?!" An answerless question, you didn't want an answer.
And it wasn't like you were going to get one, the amount of blood flooding his mouth limited him aside from his faint pleas for you to stop.
That only angered you further. "I'm gonna fucking kill you!" You let him fall to the floor once again, neglecting the slippery coat on your hands.
Alessia watched from afar as you mounted the stagnant body, repeatedly bashing his face. Beth tried to drag her out of the venue, but Alessia's too stubborn.
You did so much critical damage in a short span period, even from where she stood Alessia could see the blood streaks on the bar and floor. Leah took off first, Katie, Stina, and Steph following behind.
They all knew that you weren't going to let up any time soon and if you weren't stopped now. You were actually going to commit homicide.
Leah and Katie hook their arm around you, yanking you off. "That's enough! He's down!" It was a struggle for the two, you were too strong for them. Steph eventually aided in holding you back, and Stina helped push you four towards the exit.
Alessia quickly ran after you, the rest of the gooners chasing behind, unable to fight the curiosity to check the result of your wrath. When they got outside, they were met with you kicking a poor trash can into the road.
The four that dragged you out stood a safe distance away. The street bustling with dim lights and occasionally passing cars.
Alessia joined the four girls, knowing better than to interfere in your fit of rage when it was at its peak. Alessia studied your new appearance, growing breathless.
Hair ruffled; shirt wrinkled...stained with red patched. It was what Alessia was afraid of, you covered in red. You had blood splattered across your face; blood handprints swiped across your neck, your fists being the most coated.
You rubbed your hands together as if you were moisturizing, the blood quickly drying due to the cold night air. You sighed, a bit calmer now, muttering nonsense to yourself as you paced up and down the sidewalk.
Alessia took it as her cue to walk over, none of the gunners tried to stop Alessia. Wise enough to know that you would never hurt Alessia even in a foot of rage. "Baby. Baby." Her voice was soft, not to startle you.
Your wide eyes darted to her, unexpected by her presence. You were too lost in your fury to be conscious of your surroundings.
She tried to reach for you, but you retreated, shaking your head. "I'm okay, darling. You won't hurt me." You swallowed the lump in your throat, Alessia tried once more, pleased when you didn't move away.
She grabbed your hands, inspecting the cuts on your knuckles, it was hard to see but Alessia managed to pick out the open wounds.
She ignored the blood on her hands, roughly pulling you into a hug. The weighing of all these weeks came crashing down on Alessia, relief flooded her. However that relief was cut short by the sound of sirens, "We have to go! Now!"
Alessia balled the bloodied clothes, throwing them in the trash, it consisted of your entire outfit along with her dress. Its beauty gone as soon as another color tainted it.
Alessia didn't want a reminder of what happened tonight, even though it represented the degree you'd go for her. You nearly beat a man to death for her, guilt tormented Alessia.
The last thing she wanted was for you to run into problems because of her, Alessia roused from her mind upon hearing the water ceasing. Alessia walked into the bathroom, leaning against the doorway.
You sat in the tub, steam rising from the water. You held out your hand, silently offering her to join.
Alessia didn't think twice before she began stripping from her undergarments. She hissed at the heat, lowering herself deeper into the water until it reached her collarbones. Alessia rested back into you, your arms wrapped around her nude waist, burying your face in her neck.
You two sat in silence, embraced by the steam and contents of the hot water. There were no words to explain tonight, Alessia wasn't going to scold you and you weren't going to apologize. You both knew that tonight was needed for both your sanity.
When you passed Alessia over to Beth, the separation that you placed between you and her signified that you were going to do something she wouldn't like. Your attempts to get her out were for her sake, not yours. You weren't keen on her seeing the monster you become.
"I love you, you know that?"
Alessia rested her head back as you peppered kisses on her skin, her eyes fluttered open staring right in yours. Eyes that held love, more than she's ever seen in her life. "I know."
Alessia didn't need to say those three magic words back, you knew, you always knew. What you need to know is that if she knew. If she knew that you loved her more than the world could imagine.
#alessia russo x reader#woso x reader#woso imagine#arsenal x reader#woso fanfics#alessia russo#thehound
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Dark Side of Me || Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: The plan you and your friends had come up with to celebrate your 21st birthday was simple: go to as many bars as you could in one night and stay out of the hospital. You weren't a big fan of it, but everyone had done it and now it was your turn. However, things went off the rails quickly and you ended up being dragged to Heroes, a superhero-themed strip club. You thought it was a bad idea, until you met the cold, piercing blue eyes of the Winter Soldier and simply couldn't look away.
Or the one when reader gets her first lap dance
Warnings: stripper AU, stripper!bucky x innocent!reader, suggestive tones, lap dance (I tried really hard), no actual smut, alcohol consumption, reader giving in to peer pressure, fem reader
English is not my first language
Word count: 4400
Notes: I watched magic mike the other day and apparently I am now obsessed with stripper aus. The movies have a softer side that I wasn't expecting but I loved it and that's the vibe I'm trying to recreate here. If you want to understand some of the dance moves I'm trying to describe here you should watch the movie! I tried really hard with this one (describing dancing is waay harder than I thought so I hope it makes sense)
I’m open to writing more of these two, so let me know if you’d like that and don't hesitate to stop by my asks/messages if you have any ideas!
tagging: @asgards-princess-of-mischief
What had started out as a night of celebrating your 21st birthday quickly went off the rails and turned into something completely different. The plan was to get wasted —legally this time—, visit a couple of bars and get home before you ended up in the hospital. You weren't usually a party and alcohol lover —you just went to have a good time with your friends—, but you recognized that your 21st birthday was an important event that deserved to be celebrated. Besides, your friends had assured you that they would behave themselves and that things would not get out of control -well, not that much at least.
In hindsight, you should have figured that wouldn't happen. Although nothing could have prepared you for ending up at Heroes, a strip club your friends had apparently been to before. You tried to say no at first, but you were a little buzzed and you'd never been good at saying no to your friends anyway, so eventually you agreed. The place was exactly what you imagined and completely different at the same time, if that made sense. Dark, loud and warm, but much nicer than you expected. The dim lights gave it a very intimate feel, highlighting certain spaces with red or purple lights that made it look aesthetically pleasing to the eye. The music played loudly, trying to drown out some of the shouting of the women throwing bills onto the catwalk where the dancers performed their routines, but it wasn't anything you couldn't handle.
From the moment you settled at your table, a sort of strange sisterhood was generated between you and the groups of women seated in your proximity. Similar to bumping into a stranger in the bathroom at a party and reacting as if you were lifelong friends, you quickly engaged in casual conversation with the group of women at a bachelorette party to your right, and the one celebrating a divorce to your left. You complimented each other's outfits, shared a few drinks, and screamed with all your might in unison every time a dancer approached your side of the stage —or made quick eye contact with one of you. It created such a pleasant and fun atmosphere that for a moment you almost forgot where you were.
It stopped being nice and fun though when your friend came up with the idea of paying for a private dance and you had to face the force of a group of women pressuring you to accept. You had made the silly mistake of letting one of your friends know that you really thought the dancer who called himself the Winter Soldier was cute. You hadn't been able to take your eyes off him during his routine. And since that was the most interested you had ever been in any of the dancers, your friend thought it would be a good idea to treat you to a private dance.
“What am I supposed to do locked in a room with him?” You panicked as your friends dragged you to a more private area of the club to wait for your gift.
“I don't know, enjoy, I guess?” She laughed, practically pushing you into the arms of the man waiting to lead you to the Winter Soldier. You wanted to snap at her, but you kept silent, embarrassed by the stranger's presence. The last thing you needed was to make an even bigger fool of yourself by looking like an innocent, prudish fool.
But the problem was just that. You were a silly, innocent, prudish young woman that didn't have the slightest idea of what to do in a situation like that. You could feel the sound of your heartbeat pounding in your ears, drowning out the screaming and the bass of the music that was getting farther and farther away. Your stomach was turning with nerves as you sat waiting in the chair in the center of the room, just as the man had indicated before disappearing behind the door. Your hands rested awkwardly in your lap, your body immobile as you contemplated your options —perhaps if you remained completely still, he wouldn't be able to see you there, it was dark after all.
You thought about running away from there. You were alone, the dancer had not yet appeared and the hallway was dark, you would probably be able to sneak out without even your friends noticing. You would send them a text later explaining everything, when you were out and away from their clutches so they couldn't drag you there again. But when you went to get up, you found that your legs didn't respond. Only this time it didn't feel like it was part of the nerves you were having at the thought of what was about to happen.
You discovered then that a part of you, hidden behind a lot of shame and fear of the unknown, was curious. You wondered what it would feel like to be in a room alone with him, what it would feel like to have him touch you —even in the lightest, most subtle way—, to have him press his body against yours as he had done on stage with a lucky girl in the audience. You'd never experienced anything remotely similar to that, you'd barely shared make-out sessions with your ex-partner that weren't particularly memorable-not in the way the Winter Soldier's dance was for you. You had the movement of his hips burned into your memory, the image of his flexing muscles popping up every time you closed your eyes. You wanted more of him, even if you couldn't bring yourself to admit it.
The sensual rhythm of the music that suddenly began to play brought you out of your thoughts. You looked up and there he was in all his glory. He was wearing a different outfit, a simple tank top and loose-fitting sweatpants. The tactical suit and mask that covered half his face in his routine had probably been left forgotten in some basket behind the stage, but you didn't mind. You could see more of him now, the real him, and you liked that. It felt more intimate, more genuine.
He could sense the nervousness in your voice when you told him your name. You had trouble maintaining eye contact with him, your eyes lingering for a full three seconds on his figure before returning to your hands. Your fingers fiddled with the hem of your flowy dress. It intrigued him. He had worked with flustered women before —it was more common than one might imagine—, but there was something about you that stood out. You looked so out of place there, with your innocent look and shaky breath. Everything about your body expression told him that you wanted to curl up in a ball and pretend you weren't there. Everything except a slight glint in your eyes that he almost missed as quickly as you looked away from him. It would be his challenge to get that side of you to come out.
“That's a beautiful name,” he said in a soft voice. You smiled, but your eyes didn't search his, focusing instead on the red light shining on the wall behind him. So he leaned in front of you, settling down to your eye level so you couldn't escape. “I'm Bucky, by the way, and there's no reason to be nervous around me, princess.”
Your face warmed at that affectionate nickname and a tingle spread through your body. It had been a while since the last time someone had called you that. You liked it, it made you feel special even if it came from a stranger's mouth.
“Why did you come here tonight? You don't seem like the type of woman that frequents these places.”
“I'm not! I'm here because my friends thought it'd be a good idea... a fun way of celebrating my 21st birthday.”
“Oh well happy birthday then!” Bucky gave you a smile and you thought that was the best present you had received all day. “Are you having a good time?
“Yea-yeah, I am.” Your voice was soft, almost inaudible. Bucky got the impression that you were embarrassed to admit that out loud.
“Are you uncomfortable, y/n? Do you want to leave? Cause I can give you a full refund and let you go right now if that's what you want.”
“No!” you were quick to say, big eyes staring at him for the first time since he had introduced himself to you. “I'm just a bit... scared, I guess. I've never done anything like this before. Actually, I've never done anything for that matter.”
You didn't know what prompted you to confess to Bucky —a complete stranger who danced and stripped for a living— your complete inexperience in sexual matters, but you couldn't turn back now. You supposed it was to be transparent, though there was no reason for such a thing. It wasn't like you were there to have sex, he was just going to dance on you for a bit and then you'd go back to your normal, boring life.
“Well, then I have to let you know that you are in full control here.” Bucky spoke in a soft tone full of understanding. His cold, piercing blue eyes softened, showing a warmth that helped calm your nerves a bit. “I do have a routine, but if there's something that I do that you don't like you can just tell me and I'll stop, okay?” You nodded, biting your lip as you felt the tingle of anticipation running through your body. “Good! Are you ready?”
At your nod, Bucky got up from the floor to press play on the music. Suddenly, the silence was filled by a soft, sensual beat similar to others that had echoed through the club throughout the night. He approached you with a slow pace, his eyes never leaving your face, studying your expression. Then he took one of your hands in his and rested it on his chest, still covered by the thin fabric of his white muscle shirt. You couldn't help but notice how much bigger his hands were compared to yours. You could barely see your fingertips as he wrapped his hand around yours, trapping it against his chest. His calloused fingers didn't let go as he slowly guided your hand down, allowing you to caress his chest as he rubbed small circles over your skin. It was such an intimate touch for the situation you were in, that for a moment you forgot he was a stripper who did this for a living.
The air caught in your throat, your heart pounding against your chest as your hand traveled lower and lower. You could feel the firmness of his abs under your fingers and the heat emanating from his skin. It filled you with anticipation, with need. You wanted to feel more of him, more of his body and his touch. More of his warmth and the intoxicating scent of his cologne. But before your hand reached his waist, he pulled it away. Your eyes shot up to his face, waiting patiently for Bucky to give you instructions to proceed.
He removed his shirt and as soon as the fabric touched the floor, his hands were on yours again, trapping them against his chest. Bucky liked the way you let him guide you, closing your eyes as you enjoyed something as simple as the feel of his skin under your fingers. He was used to dealing with more... confident women. They knew what they wanted and weren't afraid to demand it. Their hands were always everywhere, touching his crotch without hesitation every chance they got. But you were different. You didn't know what you wanted —what you were missing— and you were willing to let him show you. He enjoyed the slower pace, it was a nice change that allowed him to try new things. So in a way, you were both experiencing something different there.
Your eyes suddenly widened as you felt the fabric of Bucky's sweatpants brush against your fingers. Your face heated up, embarrassment taking over your expression. But he didn't let your hand slip away, on the contrary, he pushed it a few inches lower and made you cling to the elastic of the pants. He gave you a cheeky smile before he started moving to the rhythm of the music. His hand didn't let go of yours as he positioned himself in your lap, grinding his hips against yours with an experience that shouldn't have surprised you.
Bucky fixed his eyes on you as he danced, keeping you in a kind of hypnotic trance from which you could not wake up. Your eyes followed his, your body responding to his movements without a single complaint. He trapped you between the chair and his body, one of his hands clinging firmly to the back of the chair while the other traveled to your cheek. You leaned into his touch, enjoying the warm caress of his fingers. His face came so close to yours that you could feel his breath mingling against your quickened breathing, his nose brushing against yours. For a moment you thought he was going to kiss you, so you closed your eyes, letting the euphoric sensation of desire consume you.
But suddenly, Bucky rose from your lap. You couldn't contain the whimper that escaped your lips, a protest at his devastating absence. Although he wasn't completely gone, you could feel him at your back, his hands caressing your neck, his nose inhaling the scent of your hair. The ghost of his lips traveling from the sweet spot behind your ear to your collarbone, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. He wasn't even kissing you and you were already experiencing things you had never felt before in your years of relationship.
With a graceful and sensual move, Bucky is once again on your lap, trapping you against the chair. He wasn't putting his full weight on you, but enough for you to feel it as he moved his hips. Your eyes traveled south, curious about the bulge that the sweat pants still hid. You'd never seen one before — well, outside of biology and health classes— and you'd never felt the urge to do so. But the way Bucky was moving on you made you wonder about things. You heard him let out a chuckle and looked away in embarrassment, knowing you'd been caught.
“You can look,” Bucky whispered in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. “That's what I'm here for, doll.” He stroked your arms, his fingers traveling slowly from your shoulders to your wrists. Then he took your hands and placed them back on his bare chest. “You can touch too, I don't mind.”
The desire traveling through your veins made you feel more confident this time, so you didn't need Bucky to guide your hands down his body. They acted at their own accord, fingers slowly tracing the defined muscles of his pecs and abs. You weren't yet comfortable going below his hips, so once you reached the edge of his pants you changed course to his back. Down, up and back down, your nails drew light red marks on his skin as he moved in your lap. You didn't even realize what you were doing, you just knew you liked hearing the sounds that escaped Bucky's lips when you accidentally applied too much pressure.
The lowest your trembling hands dared to go were his thighs. Bucky could see in your eyes the desire to go further —to brush your fingers over his bulge or squeeze his ass—, but shame and fear stopped you. You were trying so hard to keep your composure, to behave like a lady, but you couldn't fool Bucky. He knew what you wanted, even when you weren't ready to admit it. He saw it in the way your eyes darkened with each passing second and in the way your breathing became more and more erratic. The innocent, good girl shell you had when you entered the room was cracking, allowing your dark desires to come out. Bucky probably shouldn't find that so exciting, but he did. He couldn't help it, watching the innocence slowly leave your eyes, knowing that he was the one corrupting you, was a sight to behold.
Your lips curled into a pout of protest as Bucky rose from your lap, already missing the heat of his body pressed against yours. It was only for a moment, but to you it felt like an eternity. And he was counting on it, playing with the anticipation as he made a show of taking off his pants. This time your eyes lingered on his tight boxers for longer, though he could still see a flash of embarrassment as you crossed glances with him. It was driving him crazy, in the best possible way. He wanted to remove that innocence from your expression, to corrupt you past the point of no return. It was his personal goal, the challenge he had quietly accepted the moment he discovered what you were. And he was willing to win it.
Bucky dropped to his knees in front of you, his eyes never leaving yours as his fingers traced your legs. Your chest rose and fell with your quickening breath, your whole body buzzing with anticipation as you felt the gentle caresses moving from your ankles to your knees. To your surprise, his fingers continued their path up your thighs, though they stopped just below the hem of your dress. You resisted the urge to tangle your fingers in his hair as you felt him spread your legs slightly apart —enough for him to fit between them, but not enough to leave you too exposed to his eyes. And then the caresses over your body returned, only this time it was the ghost of Bucky's lips that sent shivers across your skin.
His mouth wasn't actually touching your thighs, but he was so damn close that you could almost feel his lips caressing the soft, sensitive skin on the inside of your leg. A warm tingling spread inside you as he moved further up, getting dangerously close to your trembling center. And at that moment you felt no shame or fear —like you had felt on other occasions with past partners. On the contrary, you wanted more, your legs involuntarily spreading wider to give Bucky more room as the ghost of his lips traveled up your lower tummy and across your abdomen until they reached your breasts. And as your breathy moans became more and more audible, your mind was lost in dark thoughts, wondering how different it would all feel if there was no barrier of clothing separating your bodies or how his wet kisses would feel on the sensitive skin of your thighs.
You didn't have much time to get lost in the fantasy though because in a second Bucky was on his feet again, pressing you against the back of the chair as he pushed your legs up. He settled down on the edge of the chair, resting each of your legs on his thighs. His hands gripped the back of the chair once again, trapping you completely between the cushions and his body —or rather, his crotch. You were practically sitting on his lap as you shared the chair, and you could feel his cock pressing against your center with every thrust of his hips. He was hard and you didn't know how common that was, but you decided to believe it wasn't something that happened often. You liked to imagine that his body was reacting to you and not to the sexual nature of his work. He wanted you just as much as you wanted him.
Bucky's hips moved to the sensual rhythm of the music, thrusting against your center in a way that made you feel like you were losing your virginity at that very moment. It was too much, the fire inside you spreading with the speed of a forest fire. And at the same time, it wasn't enough. Bucky's hip movements, though intense, did little to put out the flames they had started. They were pulling you into a swirl of desire and need, bringing you closer and closer to your limit with no promise of real relief. It was frustrating, in a way, but also incredibly exciting.
Your eyes closed for a moment as you struggled to process the sensations that were taking over your body. You tried to focus on your breathing and the sound of the music, anything to keep yourself grounded. But every time you thought you had managed to gain control of your own body again, Bucky moved his hips and all you could feel was pleasure, all you could think about was him.
A moan escaped your lips. It was involuntary and you didn't even realize what you did until a few seconds later. You were ready to apologize, certain you had crossed some kind of line, but Bucky let out a grunt of approval. One of his hands traveled to the back of your neck, holding your head firmly as he pressed his forehead against yours. His fingers tugged on your hair lightly, but the pain didn't bother you. You were too focused on the shape of his lips to think about anything else. You needed to feel them against yours. You needed to know what it would feel like to be kissed by him. You needed Bucky to take everything from you, to show you everything you'd been missing in these years of loneliness.
“C-can you k-kiss me?” You didn't think before you spoke, you just expressed what your mind was thinking without any kind of filter. Your voice was barely a shy whisper, your lips almost brushing against Bucky's as you spoke.
He should have refused, the number one rule of his job was never to kiss the clients —you never knew what things you might end up catching. But when Bucky saw the desperation in your eyes he couldn't help himself. Your slightly parted lips were highly tempting. You were inviting him, giving him permission to ruin you. You needed it as much as he did, so he gave in, and damned the rules.
Bucky's lips felt soft against yours, though there was nothing soft about the way he kissed you. Just like his dancing, the kiss was intense and unlike anything you had ever experienced before. His lips moved expertly, knowing exactly what to do to turn you completely stupid. You let him guide you, merely reacting to the pleasure that only Bucky seemed capable of giving you.
His tongue caressed your lips and you moaned into his mouth, allowing him immediate access to further deepen the kiss. Your hands clung to him —one digging your nails into his bicep while the other rested on his leg—, desperate to find something to keep you grounded while Bucky showed you sensations you didn't know you were capable of feeling.
You were high on pleasure, trapped under his body, immobilized by his lips, enveloped in his warmth and the scent of his cologne. You didn't want to be separated from him anymore. You didn't want to leave that room. You felt as if Bucky's lips were what kept you breathing, as if you needed them to keep on living. You couldn't pull away. You didn't want to pull away. But unfortunately a knock on the door signaled that your time together was over.
“You're more than welcome to come back anytime.” Bucky winked at you before disappearing behind the door, leaving you alone in the room.
It took you a moment to collect your thoughts and calm your rapid breathing. Your heartbeat was still pounding in your ears, but you figured that would change when you had a chance to get some fresh air. Your legs almost gave out when you stood up, still weak in the knees after the spectacle you had witnessed. You felt a little silly having to take a moment to steady yourself. Bucky had gotten up and left without any trouble, and there you were, clinging to the back of the chair as you struggled to compose yourself so you could leave without your friends realizing the effect their dumb idea had really had on you. You were pathetic.
Gathering your last bit of strength you pushed past the screaming women until you found your friends. They were back at their table, enjoying the routine of a tall, muscular blond who, from what you had heard, called himself Captain America. He was cute, but you couldn't stay in that place a second longer.
“How was it?” one of your friends asked with a smile.
“I need to get some air.”
“That good, huh?” Said the other with a giggle. You rolled your eyes, grabbing both of them by the arm and pulling them up from their seats.
Amidst protests they agreed to leave with you and call it a night. As they made their way through the crowd they didn't miss the opportunity to flood you with questions, insisting that you give them details of what had happened and how it felt to have Bucky dance just for you. You refused to say anything, partly because you were embarrassed to admit the reality of what had happened, and partly because you still needed time to process the night.
However, as you were about to leave, one of the waiters who had served your table - a young man who had introduced himself as Spider-Man - grabbed your arm. At first you thought maybe you had forgotten something in your seats and he was being kind enough to catch you before you left. But when you turned to look at him you noticed he had nothing in his hands but a rose and a piece of paper.
“He sends you this.” The boy said, handing you the items and disappearing into the crowd.
He didn't have to tell you who they were from for you to know. A smile immediately graced your lips as you held the flower to your nose and inhaled. Then you turned your attention to the piece of paper and as you unfolded it you discovered that it was a note.
‘Happy birthday!
Call me ;)'
It read, and at the end was written a phone number that was undoubtedly Bucky's. Your smile widened, which finally attracted the attention of your friends. One of them took the paper from you before you could hide it and when you saw the expression on her face you knew you weren't going to escape the interrogation. It was going to be a long night.
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x fem reader#bucky barnes smut#(not really but just in case)#stripper!bucky#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x reader smut
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Come On, Cowgirl (the ghoul x lucy maclean) part 1
word count: 2.6k
after the events of season 1's finale, lucy and the ghoul embark to find lucy's father and finally get some answers (as well as maybe a bit of revenge). on the journey, they find they have more in common than either might have imagined.
"Don't Meet Your Heroes"
The Ghoul didn’t speak a word for more than half a day before Lucy couldn’t take it anymore.
At first, his silence felt like a gift - the first kind thing he’d done for her. It gave her a chance to pick apart all of the things she could and should have said to her Dad before he flew unceremoniously away in that stupid suit.
God, how had she been so blind?
Coming to the surface had meant discovering that everything she’d ever known, the foundation she built her whole life on, was a lie. That much would have broken anyone else from 33 - but Lucy would be different. She may have lost her finger, probably her health, and most of her dignity, but she had her father, and she was determined that once he was freed, he would make things make sense again.
Right. That had worked out well.
After those first few hours of silence, she started catching sideways glances from under the Ghoul’s tattered hat. His eyebrows were lowered and cast a shadow over his sunken eyes - well, they would, if he had any - but he never looked longer than a moment. They’d crossed the ridge of the mountains by now and the settlement where she’d left Max - who was hopefully conscious, by now - had vanished over the horizon.
“Surface trained the chatterbox outta you, huh?” he finally spoke after her knees had started aching from the downhill climb. Despite feeling moreover glad that he wasn’t looking at her anymore, this sparked a hot irritation in her gut.
“What would you do if your mom was a ghoul and your dad turned out to be a megalomaniac?” she retorted hotly, then instantly felt sorry. He didn’t turn around to look at her - he hadn’t even when he first spoke.
“I din’t turn into this by sittin’ on my ass and drinkin’ lemonade, you know,” he replied, and again, his head twitched, but he didn’t look all the way around. Shame blossomed into a warm pool at the base of her chest and she bit the inside of her lip guiltily.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean that,” she replied softly and a grunt answered from ahead of her. She wasn’t sure if it was a laugh or a word lost behind his yellowed teeth.
After a long moment: “You knew my dad.”
At this, he slowed down, allowing her to catch up to him - something she could have done if she really wanted, but was now forced to. He stopped for a moment to examine her, his mouth working like he was chewing imaginary tobacco. Maybe he really was chewing tobacco. She wasn’t sure.
“Yeah,” he nodded. He turned that word into a three-syllable affair. Ye-a-wh. Nobody had accents like that in the vaults. In movies, maybe, but not thick as his. Everything he said was muddled. “I’m guessin’ this’sall new information for you.” he turned away again to keep walking, but this time she kept pace at his shoulder. Well, below his shoulder.
“Yeah,” she echoed dully. “I guess I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did.” he rested a hand on his holster and she flinched back before he turned a bemused eye on her.
“Ain’t gunna hurtcha. Not now, anyway, that wouln’t do me much good.” he took the shotgun from his side and dropped empty casings to the ground to reload it absently.
“Well that’s good to know,” she replied flatly, but he made no sign he’d heard her.
“Wha’d you do with your daddy down in the vaults, hm? Play catch with jello moulds or sum shit?” he was clearly joking, but a heat was creeping up her throat and making it difficult to breathe, let alone speak. She shook her head, even though he wasn’t looking.
“No. I helped him with work, sometimes. We walked. Watched movies,” Lucy hated that he could hear the thickness in her voice, the first hints of tears, even if she wouldn’t let them fall. It had been a rhetorical question anyway. He re-holstered his gun with a snort.
“Walked where? In circles?” he looked up and Lucy quickly turned her face away, feigning interest in the barren waste to her right. “Movies,” he repeated, and she got the feeling he’d caught a glimpse of her flushed face. Was this really better than being waterboarded for bait?
“He liked westerns. So that’s what we watched,” she shrugged, not sure why she was entertaining this conversation when the silence had been so peaceful by comparison.
When she felt composed enough to turn back around, his bare eyebrows had raised, elongating his red, fleshless face.
“Westerns, huh?” one end of his mouth was pulling up as if by an invisible fish hook.
Lucy thought the word ‘smile’ was a little generous in describing whatever his mouth was doing. Not quite a smirk. Not genuine enough to be a smile. She nodded, surprised at his interest. She didn’t know how old he was exactly, but probably old enough to have been to a movie theater, she realized.
“Big cowboy fan. I r’member that about him.” the sentence almost made Lucy flinch.
It seemed impossible to imagine her dad outside of a vault, let alone alive before they ever existed. With him. One thought led to another, and before she realized what she was doing, her eyes were tracing the Ghoul’s jagged profile and trying to imagine hair, skin, a nose. She only had to squint a little to achieve the illusion of skin, but frankly, picturing him with a nose seemed incorrect.
“I got sum’n on my face?” he asked before Lucy could realize he’d caught her eye.
“No. No. Sorry,” she fixed her eyes to the powdery dirt under them. He let out what Lucy thought might be a chuckle, but it quickly turned into a dry, wheezing cough. “Did you like westerns too?” she asked the ground, hoping to steer the conversation away from touchier topics - for both of them. He laughed again.
“Feo, fuerte y formal,” he gave her a wry side glance and she felt herself smile before she could stop it. God, her dad had loved that movie so much - she must have seen it a dozen times, at least. Fallen asleep to it a dozen more.
“You are a fan!” the lightness returning to her face and voice made her feel more like herself than she had in several days. Instead of the exasperation that he’d met her with before, he seemed amused. Maybe still in a slightly derogatory way, but Lucy decided this was better than being waterboarded.
“Doesn’t take a fan to know that line. Couldn’t walk into a theatre without that movie hitt'n you in the nose.” this confirmed Lucy’s suspicion that he had been to a movie theater. She tried not to be a little jealous. And not to imagine him with a nose again. In a theatre. With his wife.
He’d said he had a wife, right? That conversation was a blur that ended with the single clear picture of her father leaving.
“I, well,” Lucy began, her talkative nature kicking back in without help. “I used to have a big crush on one of those actors, when I was younger.” This caught his attention more than she’d expected. He turned his whole head to shoot her an amused stare.
“Really, now? I pit’ured you with some button up prairie boy, but you like an outlaw, don’tcha, sweetheart?” he was needling her now, provoking her, but she couldn’t help but earnestly respond.
“No, no, the good guys,” she insisted, to his greater entertainment. She knew he was making fun of her on some level, but couldn’t bring herself to be truly irritated. “You know, the heroes.” he nodded back slowly.
He was definitely making fun of her.
“Lemme guess… Fred Larson,” he mocked hitting a button like one of those old game show contestants. “Real prim and proper, just like you.” For some reason, this made her cheeks glow again and she shook her head, still smiling.
She wasn’t sure why she was smiling except for the fact that it felt so good. Like it was the only way to crack off the hard exterior these last few weeks had caked onto her. He said he wasn’t going to hurt her, and right now, she believed him. So she was smiling.
“No- that one actor, from that movie- Cooper… Cooper Howard!” she struggled to remember his last name. Sitting on a couch, sitting down to watch a movie, god, that felt like another lifetime. It was hard to imagine being that carefree again.
When she looked back up at him, he wasn’t smiling anymore, so she stopped too. “Feo fuerte y formal. You know,” she repeated stupidly, and he nodded.
“Yeah. Not my fav’rite,” he shrugged, and she frowned. Hadn’t he just quoted that same movie?
“Too heroic for you?” She tried to tease, but his eyes turned sharp and she fell quiet again. Something she’d said had irritated him, and she flipped back through the conversation, but he was as unpredictable as fire. Whatever it was, all she could do was try not to say it again… somehow. “Who did you like, then?” she tried to redirect, but he seemed to have lost the appetite for conversation.
“‘S been a long time.” he replied indifferently, so Lucy let their walk return to silence. They continued that way until sundown.
Lucy didn’t know if the Ghoul slept, but she certainly needed to. Come to think of it, she hadn’t seen him exhaust himself once that first time he’d kidnapped her. Probably all of those drugs.
“Can we stop here?” she finally asked faintly, holding a stitch in her side. Maximus was certainly larger than her, but the Ghoul was taller. Longer legs, longer strides - more effort to keep up with his normal pace. Max had also slowed down for Lucy. The Ghoul didn’t slow down for anything.
He turned to look back at her like he’d forgotten she was there.
“‘Lrght,” he grunted back.
They’d stopped close enough to some wreckage that would make for decent cover, despite being half buried in sand and dust. You couldn’t find much untouched by sand or dust up here, Lucy had learned.
The Ghoul, as she’d predicted, didn’t show signs of sleeping. If he did, she doubted he’d ever fall asleep first anyway. He slid down against a wall and drew out a wad of cigarettes from his coat before lighting one. Another appeared before her as she laid her bag out like a pillow on the floor. An offer. She wrinkled her nose.
“No thanks,” she replied, and they disappeared back into his trenchcoat.
“Suityrself,” he shrugged, taking a long, satisfied draw of smoke and releasing it in lazy curls. Whatever had happened earlier had closed him off, and he was still just as reserved.
“Did I say something wrong?” she asked, knowing that best case scenario, he'd just laugh at her. Granted, she had learned her interpersonal management skills from books, but still.
“Nope,” he replied, not looking up at her from the twisting smoke between his fingers. His hat was low over his eyes, so all she could see of him in the dark was the pulsing glow of the lit cigarette.
“Okay…” she replied, unconvinced. She couldn’t gauge what his ‘normal’ was. Nothing about him was normal. “If it was about the movies-” she began, unable to stop herself. The interpersonal management guides always urged you to fix a conflict before putting it down, and clearly, it had trained her well.
“Wha’d I tell you?” he tilted his head up just enough for the embers to illuminate the bottom half of his face. It almost looked normal in the dim light, where you couldn’t tell his nose was nothing but a cavity, and his skin merely looked blemished, instead of raw. “If y’re worried about this-” he nudged his shotgun with an elbow, but she hurriedly shook her head.
“I’m not. I just…” she couldn’t find a good enough reason.
I just can’t leave things well enough alone? Well, that was true at least. I have a stupid, inexplicable urge to make everyone like me, weirdly - especially - you? She definitely couldn’t say that… even if it were the truth too.
“...I thought you liked westerns,” she finished lamely. He snorted hard enough that it ruffled the clean spirals of smoke leaving his mouth.
“I watched ‘em. Never said I liked ‘em,” he replied simply.
Lucy had been so spoiled, she realized that now. When talking to people from the vault, their tendency was often to over-speak. If you stood still long enough in front of someone from 33, you’d probably walk away with their life story and entire known genealogy.
He was completely the opposite. Simple and blunt, just like his features. Nothing about him was accommodating. Not his stride, not his words, not even his stupid face. She scolded herself inwardly - his face wasn’t stupid. Even if it was, she wouldn’t say something like that.
“Is it… you don’t like Cooper Howard?” Lucy had told herself that whatever button she’d pressed, she wouldn’t press again. This conversation proved that she was failing that completely.
“It’s no wonder you’re such a good girl,” he replied with a lazy sort of meanness. “All those movies fillin’ your head with horseshit about fairness and fuckin’ apple pie.” she was surprised at his response and remained still, arms wrapped around her knees habitually.
“Well, it’s good to have a role model, isn’t it?” she replied weakly and he grunted out a laugh. Half of his communication came in grunts.
“Not up here, sweetheart. When y’re busy chasin fuckin’ fairytales, you can't see when you're about to catch a bullet in your head.” he never seemed to get angry. Irritated, yes. Mean, yes. But after so long, nothing seemed to really ruffle him.
Again, probably the drugs, She reminded herself.
“Well, sorry,” she bit back, the words coming out more pathetically than she was intending. “I just thought we finally had something in common.”
A long silence followed this before a deep sigh. When he inhaled on the cigarette, and the embers burned brighter, she saw he was frowning.
The conversation was over. She turned over to rest her head on her bag.
“C’mere,” a low murmur came from behind her, and she glanced back over her shoulder. The light had completely dwindled now, and the only hint anyone was there was the small circle of light and its trail of smoke.
“What?” She replied hoarsely, her face growing oddly warm.
“C’mere,” he repeated, and raised his canteen to his face so his cigarette would reflect on the metal. She understood now, and shuffled forward, not looking to turn him down. Especially not after whatever had just happened. It had felt like an argument, but she didn’t have the faintest clue what they’d been arguing about.
He waited until her knees were nearly brushing his boots and she was all but inhaling his secondhand smoke to lean forward and motion for her to open her mouth. When she didn’t see it the first time, he brushed her chin with a gloved knuckle and she opened it obediently.
She was too obedient, always.
She tilted her head back and let the warm, metallic water fall into her mouth. It tasted awful, of course, but after several dry days, it was heaven in a bottle. He indulged her for slightly too long before retracting the canteen, forcing her to remember herself.
She closed her mouth hurriedly, feeling exposed so close to him in the dark and crawled back to her spot on the sandy floor.
She watched the glow flicker on the wall while he smoked his cigarette dead, and by the time the light had faded, Lucy was asleep.
AN: this will probably be 4 or 5 parts so look forward to those soon! this is also on ao3 under my same user :]
#ghoulcy#fallout prime#fallout#cooper howard x lucy maclean#the ghoul#cooper howard#lucy maclean#fallout series#fallout amazon#fallout tv series#fallout tv show#the ghoul x lucy#fanfic#canon compliant#fic recs#slow burn#angst with a happy ending#light angst#fluff#smut
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“Hey, Carrots!
No need to look so offended, I’m not here to cause any trouble, you know~. No favors to ask of either. It’s your special day, isn’t it? It is! So I came by to give you a present.
…Yeah, okay, it’s not really much, but it’s a gift nonetheless. Coupon for a special pop for the birthday girl~. You have a favorite flavor or something? I’ll try making it into a pop for you. A dozen for free! I’m real kind, I know.
Oh, and before I forgot. You know Ashi, don’t you? Poor girl couldn’t make it today, so she asked me to hand you a gift bag in her stead. Proves my trustworthiness, doesn’t it? Heh.
No need to worry, I didn’t peek at it… Hold some higher standards for me, would you?”
Niko hands over the bag. It’s a cute, pink, petite bag with cat decorations on it. It holds some resemblance to the feline holding it herself.
Grabbing what’s inside, there’s a little drawing with a note attached. It’s written with words and symbols that seem impossible to verbalize, but somehow it’s easy to imagine a certain brunette bringing life to them…
Clochey! HBD fam!~ Super bummed I couldn’t make it, but I hope this prezzie has enough of my energy baked into it that it feels like I’m there! LMK ASAP ☆
I wanted to send you a cute lil’ message ‘cuz I’m real thankful for us being friends, YK? Even tho we aren’t super buddy buddy, I still totally enjoy your company. Eppy tells me enough about you that it basically feels like I’m hanging with you myself!
Anyway~ I wanted to gift smth more personalized for you, so I drew up a little drawing! It’s kinda like a postcard, but I tried putting one of your fave things on it ♡ I hope you enjoy!~
We should SO get talkin’ again soonsies! Wishin you a happy birthday and many more with a certain huntsman <3
Sincerely, Ashi ♪
Cloche hears a chuckle after she’s done reading the note.
“Wow, Carrots, your face is a little red… Wonder what Ashi stirred up for you to get you, the cold clawed kitty to get lookin’ like that. Well, privacy is privacy. Guess that’s my cue to leave.
Here’s hoping you catch a break from all the trouble around campus, hm? Enjoy your day~.”
HAPPY BDAY CHRIS!!!!!!! I HOPE YOUR DAY AND WEEK AND TBH MONTH IS SO BANGER. ITS SO DESERVED!!!!!!! 🫶 it’s been SO nice being your moot for like?? WHAT??? TWO YEARS OR SMTH??? TIME IS SO CRAZY. it’s been such a treat being able to interact n talk w you since the beginning!!! I GET SUPER HAPPY WHENEVER I SEE YOU IN MY NOTIFS <333 HBD again and I hope life treats you well!!!!! 🙏 blessing your pulls and turning them into pomepulls……….. tehepero
[Cloche’ Birthday Bash] *them referring to our dear freshmen
Okay first of all… ASHIIIIIII YOU’RE GONNA KILL ME I SWEAR !!! THE FACT THAT YOU SENT THIS SO EARLY??!?! THE INTERACTION IS EVERYTHING! I JUST LOVE HOW THIS PLAYS OUT SO NATURALLY- Fr, Niko just waltzing into Ramshackle then dipping- aND THE GORGEOUS GORGEOUS ROOKLOCHE ART- LITERALLY SCREAMING OVER THE POSE AND DETAILS- YOU SERIOUSLY OUT DID YOURSELF FOR THIS ONE! Rook carrying her and Cloche grabbing on to him to get closer- SAVANACLAW ROOK MY BELOVED- Muscle man frrrr- Ashi really caught on to the cat maid’s staring during Chapter 7 huh. AND THE DOODLES ON RHE SIDES ARE TOO CUTE- 😩
Epel yapping on about Cloche and totally not suspiciously asking Ashi about her roommate- Ashi internally sweating bullets when Epel doesn’t realize that everything he describes is the cat maid making up excuses to avoid him-
Also take this… Cloche walking up to Niko days later and asking for a bone marrow pop, and it takes Niko a few seconds to realize it was a joke 😭😭 Slow burn friendship trust-
Really, it’s so wild that it’s been 2 years- So glad to have you here and to celebrate with you again !! I think you really blessed my pome pulls with this one- seriously- man came on the 30th pull twice- Ilyyyyy If makes me super happy to see you in my notifs as well and may we continue to interact in the future!
#crying sobbing thank you#cloche’ birthday bash 🎊#oc: cloche🎊#mutuals 🎊#rookloche#cat scratches 🌸#niko cimarron#ashi tamadai#twisted wonderland#twst#twst oc#twst ocs#others ocs#twst yuu#twst yuusona#oc interactions#mutuals art
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'I should like to save the Shire, if I could - though there have been times when I thought the inhabitants too stupid and dull for words, and have felt that an earthquake or an invasion of dragons might be good for them. But I don't feel like that now. I feel that as long as the Shire lies
behind, safe and comfortable, I shall find wandering more bearable: I shall know that somewhere there is a firm foothold, even if my feet cannot stand there again.
'Of course, I have sometimes thought of going away, but I imagined that as a kind of holiday, a series of adventures like Bilbo's or better, ending
in peace. But this would mean exile, a flight from danger into danger, drawing it after me. And I suppose I must go alone, if I am to do that and
save the Shire. But I feel very small, and very uprooted, and well - desperate. The Enemy is so strong and terrible.'
He did not tell Gandalf, but as he was speaking a great desire to follow Bilbo flamed up in his heart - to follow Bilbo, and even perhaps to
find him again. It was so strong that it overcame his fear: he could almost have run out there and then down the road without his hat, as Bilbo had done on a similar morning long ago.
-The Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R. Tolkien
I was looking through the book to find something else and 'too stupid and dull for words' caught my eye. Then I kept reading and in context this is so incredibly sweet and poignant! But Frodo did also imply that he's wished a dragon would eat his neighbors. He did imply that and it is funny. Bilbo trained him well.
Anyway, it's a good thing there's no one out there who doesn't like frodo baggins! Nope, not on this blog
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I would have been perfectly fine with Spinner (or the League) kneeling in front of Deku, literally begging him to save Shigaraki. In fact, I was kinda hoping for it. That Spinner, out of his strong feelings for Shigaraki, would turn to their enemies for help. Because, in the end, more than the horizon, more than destruction or villainy, Spinner was remembering his friend, and he wanted Shigaraki back, he pleaded with Kurogiri to save Shigaraki and the others. So Spinner would go to the Heroes, he would go to Deku.
Because that should've been the point, right? That the League regains faith in Heroes and society. That the League feels a definite change happening enough they would feel comfortable going to the Heroes for help. That Spinner would regain hope in Heroes enough to entrust Shigaraki's well-being to them.
Way I imagined it, Deku would be vocal and upfront about his desire to save Shigaraki. That he will stop Shigaraki without killing or gravely injuring him, and he will both save Shigaraki from AFO and save Shigaraki's heart. He advocates for treating Villains as human, is unashamed and steadfast in doing so, and this is noticed by the Villains, who sees Deku as different. As a ray of hope, as the promise of change.
And meanwhile, Deku would realize that besides an Inner Innocent Crying Child, there was something more to Shigaraki as he is in the present. That Shigaraki was an unforgivable man who had done terrible things and wants to keep destroying things, but he did so for a reason and not because Evil Mwahaha. That there was a reason the League is so loyal to Shigaraki, that they loved him for his fairness and kindness, twisted as it may be. Deku didn't need to put all his faith in an inner child innocence, because the evidence was right there that Shigaraki has some good in him, even now. Spinner begging Deku to save Shigaraki, because Shigaraki was his friend, Shigaraki was one of the very few people to accept Spinner and not treat him like a lizard freak and not consider him impure and gave him a place to belong even tho he was a weak loser. Shigaraki wasn't a person in spite of the destruction and rage; he was a person because of the destruction and rage, because he wanted to help the Villains. Shigaraki saved the outcasts when no Hero did.
Deku would realize this not because Shigaraki declared it, but because he gleaned it from Shigaraki's actions and effect on the League, and it would fuel his desire to save. "I want to save that Crying Child—whose pain made him grow up to become a Villain that dreamed of being a hero for all the others in pain. I want to help him realize that goal. I want both of us to be Heroes."
But of course none of this happened. As of Midoriya Izuku: Rising, a chapter that should be Deku's heroic peak, no Villain is looking to Deku for the promise of change. No villain believes in Heroes in general. Dabi wondered why no one showed up sooner. Toga, as she prepared to die, wistfully thought that if someone had loved and accepted her, maybe things could've been different; she only believed in Ochako, and still wanted the world the League would create. (Deku in fact went and made Toga give up her final attempt for understanding when he told her "I understand admiration but you do it all wrong and weird.") Spinner believed that if Heroes win the day, nothing still change. The Heteromorphs didn't stop because they knew or were promised change would come - they stopped because of their own goodness, second guessing themselves and ready to give up their demands out of fear of hurting the people that ignored their plight. They were ready to go back to enduring hate crimes, if Shoji hadn't rewarded them for stopping... by saying they should keep enduring hate crimes until the perpetrators learn to feel shame.
And most of all, Shigaraki continued to desire being a Hero for the Villains, because he knows that's still necessary (pre-419 reveal, anyway). None of this is regaining trust in the world as a whole, in the Hero System.
None of the League, the main villains, the main targets of being saved, are looking to Heroes for hope. That's insane??? What was all this saving even for???
#answer: it's so they would feel a little more a peace when they get executed#nalslastworkingbraincell
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Hi!
I noticed you did a Tall!Husband with the Task Force, could I ask for the same prompt with Nikolai, Farah, Alejandro, and Rudy, if you haven't already?
Thanks you! /nf
Hey there! Here you go!
Alejandro, Rodolfo, Farah and Nikolai with a Very Tall Husband
Alejandro: He takes you being this tall in stride. Sure, he would have preferred being the bigger guy among the both of you, but he won’t actively go out of his way to be butthurt about it. That just means he’s finally found someone who can wrap himself around him, and for that he’s grateful. You make for a nice cuddle buddy. Alejandro is quite the cuddler in general, so he’ll often just walk up to you just to cuddle you. He’s not above asking you to get something from a high shelf either, always rewarding you with a kiss to your cheek as well. Overall, there’ll be lots of cuddles, even if he sometimes might try to climb you as well. It’s his way of showing off just how strong he is. However, he will call you things such as “skyscraper”, but he loves it as much as he loves you. You’re just such a sweetheart. Alejandro will invite you to just about anything he does, as long as it’s not related to his job. He’s well aware that you’re super intimidating and scary to everyone else, but all he can see is his lover with the biggest heart imaginable. If you scare Rodolfo too much, though, then he’ll ask you to tone it down by quite a bit. Rodolfo has done nothing wrong, plus the two of them are very close. Ideally, you and Rodolfo would also get along well with each other. But other than that? Alejandro doesn’t really mind you being this scary. It just means that people feel less inclined to walk up to the both of you and bother you while you’re out on a date. He feels a bit torn on PDA, though. Trust me when I say he wants to give you hugs and kisses in public so everyone knows you’re his, but he holds back a bit since he doesn’t wanna endanger you. Secretly dreams of dipping you under the moonlight and giving you a big old kiss. While he can get very heated himself in the right situation, he’s a real sweetheart towards you as well, so the both of you would fit very well with each other.
Rodolfo: On the one hand, he’s not happy at all with you being such a giant. On the other hand he loves it. He wanted to be the taller guy among the two of you so he can make you feel protected. At least that’s what he’ll sometimes say to you, feigning hurt. In reality he’s going wild on the inside because his lovely husband can wrap himself entirely around him and give him the best hugs imaginable. Rodolfo gets to feel calm and at ease whenever you do that. Although he normally wouldn’t be as willing to do such a thing, he’d also have an easier time walking up to you and asking you for some cuddles. Especially with him being the one to be held. It’s a huge thing for him, but you’re a guy, his husband, so it should be quite alright. Is also a lot more affectionate with you in private than he normally would be. Lots of kisses, rubbing your noses together, pressing your foreheads together, all that stuff. He actually quite likes you being this scary towards other people, that just means he doesn’t have to deal with as many people when going out, so he likely will take you with him as much as possible. Scare everyone all you want, aside from Alejandro. That’s his best friend, you really shouldn’t be scaring that guy. Not that you properly could anyway, but still. If anything, you should be getting along with him so that the three of you can hang out together more often. Everyone else is fair game, though. One thing you can definitely count on is that he’ll, without using any words, ask you to run your fingers through his hair. All Rodolfo wants is to lie on his husband, have him run his fingers through his hair, and then fall asleep. He’s such a sucker for being on the receiving end of physical affection, and lucky for him, you’re willing to give it to him. If you want to talk to him while he’s falling asleep, then you may. Your voice calms him down greatly and lulls him to sleep. In order to show his gratitude, he’ll learn how to become the best cook out there. You will be well fed under your shared roof.
Farah: She’s of average height for a woman, so roughly 1,65m. You being taller than 2,10m is quite the height difference between the both of you. However, that doesn’t stop her from sassing you out of love from time to time. She’s not intimidated by you at all. She doesn’t really care about you being this tall, but sometimes she thinks about going to the sea with you and just messing around in the water together. You’re such a sweetheart, surely you’d be on board for such a thing. She could always just ask you to lean down for a kiss, but that would be boring. She climbs you like a tree and kisses you then as she holds onto you. Farah needs to show off just how strong she is, to everyone around you too. Not that anyone would ever doubt her strength, she’s the commander, after all, but it’s the thought that counts. Because of your height difference, she loves just walking up to you and giving you a big hug. Either from the front or behind is fine by her. If she’s hugging you from behind then that means she’s asserting dominance. You may be the taller one out of the both of you, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be the dominant one. You being this scary sometimes bothers her, though, especially when children are around. The adults likely can handle themselves, especially once she tells them that you’re, for the most part, not going to hurt them. But children will start crying upon seeing you, so she asks you to tone it down around them. She knows you wouldn’t hurt anyone, but still. You can be as scary as you want to be, as long as you don’t hurt anyone. You don’t need to glare daggers at everyone, though, since no one is going to take her from you. Farah’s loyal like that. Something that Farah would have definitely loved to do with you would be to have you lie on top of her, with her running her hands over your back and telling you how much she loves you. Unfortunately, you’d likely crush her. That doesn’t mean she won’t hold you close while standing, though. Again, she needs to assert her dominance in some way. You being such a sweetheart towards her really motivates her to keep fighting the good fight, though. She wants to fight for a future in which the both of you can live together in a nice home without the fear of war. A future in which the both of you can just go out and look at the scenery as the sun rises. Either way, that future isn’t as far away as it used to be.
Nikolai: He’s a very tall lad himself, standing proud at 1,98m. However, the first time he saw you, someone even taller than him, he had to chuckle a bit. It was a rarity for someone to be much taller than him, but he doesn’t mind. Nikolai isn’t sensitive. Nothing can stop him from proving himself to you, though, and picking you up. He does it with quite ease too since he’s such a strong lad. If you’re quite the cuddler, then so is he. He’s a chameleon in that regard, he can be whatever you want or need him to be. Either way, he’ll still mostly have you lying on top of him. Although he could go either way, it’s still a pride thing for him. Having someone as tall as you be vulnerable with him, lying on top of him while not fighting him at all, it feeds his ego. Yes, he’s strong. You better know that as well. Besides, he’s pretty sure he can make you feel protected like this as well. Won’t fight you if you want to hold him for once, though. He just loves having his husband in his arms as well, holding him close and giving him a few kisses to the crown of his head. He doesn’t mind you being this scary towards other people. It just shows you that you really don’t want anyone but him, so to some degree it’s even very sweet to him. You can scare anyone you want, aside from the important people. He also likes it because that means less people will come up to him and ask him stuff. He likes being left alone with you quite a lot. Besides, as long as you don’t scare people like Price or Laswell, not that you could anyway, they’re both tough cookies, you’re all good. Anyone else isn’t as important anyway. Because you’re such a sweetheart towards him, he’ll often take you just about anywhere. To his little home in Siberia, to St. Petersburg, anywhere he knows you won’t be in too much danger. Showing you around Russia is one of his favorite things to do. He’s a patriot, so he loves combining his love for his country with his love for you. You’ll get to see a lot of places that way.
#cod#cod x reader#alejandro vargas#alejandro vargas x reader#rodolfo parra#rodolfo parra x reader#farah karim#farah karim x reader#cod nikolai#nikolai x reader
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they didn't give suga takamasa evil eyeliner for ryuga because that would have been TOO MUCH
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Data in Gold <3
Expand for higher qualityy
#everyone is obsessed with his profile and so am i#i should have made his lips golden too#you'll have to imagine it#it was so hard to take pics of glittery watercolour ;-;#i hope its ok#i actually had most of this sketch done since last week but i'm unstable and stressed so i forgot to post it :D#anyway i love data and i cant stop thinking about him#and data does not look like mark zuckerberg#those people need to be stopped fr lol#i dont want to hear it#brent spiner#data soong#star trek tng#thinking about drawing lore too...
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at last....yakumo with CHIKEN
#i have finally achieved Goal. i drew yakumo with a happy chickcen#legitimately there were several moments of me redrawing yakumo's eyes and yelling#nO! THEY'RE NOT UWU ENOUGH (makes the irises bigger) WAIT . TOO UWU (makes irises more oblong)#WAIT!! NOT MONSTROUS ENOUGH (narrows the pupils) SHOULD NOT HAVE MORE EYELINER THAN FOXY GRANDPA (shrinks the lashes)#did u know that chickens like to sleep on tall things? the higher they are the safer they feel? (according to my cursory internet search)#so i imagine when yakumo finally grew taller than the chickens' roosting spots#some of them started just napping on yakumo any time he came to clean the coop#and he'd be so scared of waking them up that he'd try to do his chores in the tiniest movements ever#several hours later grandma checks in on him bc hmmm! he's taking longer than usual!#sees him covered in birds+bird poop and he's aaaallllmost done cleaning with his restrained broom sweeps#(birds don't stop pooping just cuz they're sleeping u see. how productive)#that's a cue for grandparents to move the roosts higher . bc yakumo doesn't have the heart to shoo the birds off him#he needs to get things done! becoming impromptu bird bed for 3 hours a day is not sustainable!#it's all for the good of chiken anyway. happy chicken happy life#yakumo
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Love Bites~💗
Original sketch
#rottmnt#baron draxum#rottmnt draxum#isyris draxum#suggestive#holopossums#holopossum after dark#sorta implied baronjitsu but like. y'know. you can imagine anything#i had an idea and my hands obeyed#first traditional sketch/line art i've done in way too long tbh#should do that more#colored with my touch pen....took forever. never again.#anyway enjoy my fellow draxum lovers#we don't have nearly enough spicy art and it's sad#especially not trans draxum
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setting off for a long journey
#dnf#oblivion au#sketchbook#ert#do I even tag this? should I tag this absolute mess of an au with any of the participants?#this was simply me wanting to draw the view of white gold tower after like a 5h obliv sesh#yes I know that theres only two towers at the side shut up#this isnt even a real location I imagine this would be in jerall mountains but it doesnt make sense#this is like. cheydinhal view at best. probably more south idk I made it up#just needed to have these two kiss in the early morning hours before dream has to leave for a mission#Ive been playing more obliv so there Might be more idk#done with like 10 colouring pencils cause yeah#the blue looks eyestrainy but trust me its worse irl I love that colour#wish I could get the colours more true to life#anyways thank you for reading this rant I am here to talk about this silly au that I am very normal about
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i Need to take up embroidery now rIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#walmart didnt have a starter kit and hobby lobby is closed RRRRUHHUERHRHRRRR#i was always like i love it but its simply somebody elses thing my whole life until like 1 am last night my brain unlocked#the things i could make with practice and patience i need to seeeE CONSARNIT shit would be SOOO COOL#i want to just have fun with it and be jovially shitty at it for a while until i pick up on things#ive forgotten everything ive learned throughout my life when it comes to sewing & that of the like but i feel like itll click after a while#itll definitely be a lil side hobby bc holy FUCK i dont have time to really sit down and invest atm but still#maybe my small new years resolution is get better at embroidery and see my progress bc i lov that shit#plus when im like 60+ yrs old imagine what crazy shit i could do if i start now#ANYWAY ill get to those asks eventually theres some that i simply want to draw for but brother im sniper focused on getting this damn comic#done and DONE so i might have to answer them way later tbh unless its super easy and quick to answer imma have to put off asks cause im#hellbent the comic should be done by early february
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my hope for the pokemon presents that i know will not happen is gates to infinity remake ok bye
#listen i knowwwwwwww explorers is more popular and its got more fans and itd sell well and itd be good to see it in the spotlight#i agree with all that it makes sense. but i cant help but view it as a bowsers inside story remake scenario#where its just like. kinda pointless bc the original is functionally fine#meanwhile my soul hurts when i think about how gti was kinda screwed over by its development and time#it came out during that time all 3ds games felt really janky to play so it feels awkward#and like. just compare the environments in gti compared to psmd#psmd doessss have more diverse environments to be fair but environments that should feel more grand just feel off in gti#like glacier palace doesnt look AWFUL but it hurts to see it compared to the animated version from the commercials#and like. imagine the glow up if it got the dx treatment. if the environments were all fixed and the job system was updated#and we got a larger starter pool and maybe even a postgame. ik they didnt add much to pmd dx#but that game had a fairly beefy postgame and all that while gti has.... pretty much nothing besides dlc#anyways it wont happen bc gti is the most hated pmd game by a fairly wide margin and itd piss ppl off and itd probably get a bullshit $60#price tag#but like. i want it. i want it ok. i want to see them fix gti and bring out its full potential. i love its story sm#ik theres the demake but theyre also changing the pokemon choices there (which ik they cant help. repository doesnt have timburr and gurdur#but still) so i kinda wanna wait to see when thats done or its got all the assets
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got the posting anxiety bad tonight
#click clack#ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go#ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog#BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me#because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art#like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public#and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot#a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement…#so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury#the original posts I put here#but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication#my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵💫#all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen#dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄#anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍#I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself#and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences#maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog…#I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔#idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art#just a slow drip until they are in the forefront#bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º＿º )#I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨#or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out#I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad#post order compulsion????#the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts…#if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃
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anyone else feel all consuming dread the day before something they've been looking forward to is happening or is that just me?
#in other news - I'm getting my first tattoo tomorrow and im this 👌 close to losing my mind lol#like ive wanted a tattoo for YEARS#i always knew this motive would be the one i wanna get#and now im second guessing everything bc i fundamentally distrust myself with my decisions#like what if it turns out not how i imagined#or what if it does and turns out the way i imagined it was always dumb and wrong#whenever i change my appearance in any way im gripped with terror bc i imagine people going “this is what she thinks looks good? okaayyy...”#and this is such a permanent change so im really freaking out lol#i know its very irrational#and that i have one wild and precious life and should use it to do what makes me happy#but sometimes my life long anxieties really come through strongly lol#anyway done ranting into The Void now#if anyone relates to these feelings and has some calming words that would be amazing#at the same time i really hope no one can relate bc this is so silly and annoying :(#mina mumbles
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