#they say you die twice - once when your body dies
Text
The way that Lena accepts the mantle of Storyteller even if it's the opposite of everything she ever wanted. In a way, you could see it was the elephant, the black dog haunting her waking moments, the looming, lurking knowledge that there will be a day where her friends and family are dead and gone and she's there, telling their stories to people who have long forgotten their names. If only to remind herself. If only to remind the world...
#( headcanon. )#lexi and i had this whole plot where Lena was the only one to remember olivia colomar#even tried ( and mostly succeeded ) at making her a dia de los muertos ofrenda every year#( The food was always a Little Too British but she tried )#she was destined to burn up like a supernova and here she is#decades later#still looking 25 ( but maybe a little slower )#murmering stories about her friends who have moved on#they say you die twice - once when your body dies#and then again when someone says your name for the last time.#lena won't let them die again#cowboy beepbop is once again flooding me with muse right when im trying to sleep
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。what if you’re someone i just want around (i’m falling again)
synopsis. somewhere along the line, you started to hate suguru—that doesn’t mean you stopped loving him too
— word count. 9.5k (i am in misery)
— contents. post canon! au — fix it! (we all need a good fix it fic with suguru don't lie), this fic was started before recent manga chapters so the higher ups are still alive—just go with it ok :,), geto survives + lives free of kenjaku, exes to lovers, kind of redemption i suppose, mentions of blood, injuries, and weight loss (geto), mentions of canon character deaths (nanako, mimiko, nanami), mentions of wanting to raise children with geto and have a family, no gendered terms but reader has a personality and actual thoughts and feelings, references to the hunger games (you have movie night lol), BFF satoru (he is babie), there is a kiss y’all !! (scandalous i know :O)
— notes. i started this fic back in march and i had trouble with it and put it on pause for a while. i’m very glad i finished it in the end. i always like fix it! fics and this is self-indulgent and idk if ppl will read it bc it’s sfw but it’s ok if they don’t, i loved writing it. thank you koi for beta-reading this whole bad boy. mwah <333
the day suguru is declared a free man is actually the day he signs away his freedom for good.
you say nothing, but you know it’s the truth. satoru fights tooth and nail to plead suguru’s case—you think it’s perhaps a little too desperate for it to be in the best interest of suguru and not himself. but satoru has suffered enough, and admittedly—although you deny it—a small part of you does not want to lose suguru twice. you watch as satoru argues that suguru has already died once—surely he can’t die again? and losing control of his body and mind is paying for his crimes enough, is it not? he argues that there are no ideals left for a man like geto suguru to chase after losing himself to every principle he had left.
and then satoru wins.
you expect it, but it doesn’t make it any easier. you watch numbly as suguru is assigned under your watch. you should be happy. you love suguru—you never stopped. but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s not a free man, and now he drags your freedom with his. you’ll never break away from him, never cut through the ropes that tie your hands behind your back and bind you to him—and then you wonder for a moment, unsure if it’s selfish or selfless or some cruel in-between to think this way, if geto suguru was better off dead.
whether that’s for your sake, or his, you’re not sure.
and yes, he’s let off alive, and sure, there’s no real punishment for all he’s done, but you know deep down he’s as chained and shackled as he’s ever been. he’s not allowed to leave the house unless you or satoru are there to chaperone, and it’s never to be anywhere near non-sorcerers. he’s not to live in a place of his own until the higher up’s deem him trustworthy. he has to ask you to buy the things he wants from the grocery store. he can’t even step outside for a smoke unless you’re aware.
for a long time, he doesn’t speak much—can hardly muster a barely audible mornin’ back when you force a smile and greet him cheerily for breakfast. slowly, it turns into half-snarky conversations that get cut short by one of you leaving the room. finally, you’re civil—maybe even friendly. you’re not so sure where you stand with him as of now.
it’s not the same suguru you remember falling in love with, it’s not even close to the version of the man you fell for all those years ago. it’s hard having him here—some days you’re angry and want to throw him out, to scream at him for haunting you again just when you think you’ve moved on from the horrors of your past. some days you want to cry and cling to him, bury your face into his neck and thank him for being here again, for finding his way back to you. and some days you wish you never met him at all, that this would all be easier if it didn’t exist in the first place.
he’s not the same geto suguru you loved, but somehow, because life is as bitter as it is ruthless, you fall in love with this version just as hard no matter how much you deny it.
“i made your favorite,” you smile gently, placing a neat plate of french toast with freshly cut strawberries on the side. you even take great care to get the syrup-to-powdered sugar ratio he likes right, but he doesn’t make a move to reach for the plate. instead, suguru sits at the table stiffly, like he has to be here or there are consequences for that too. it almost makes you sad—even here, he’s not free.
“thanks,” he says quietly, “but i’m not hungry.”
“you said that last night, suguru,” you sigh, “and at lunch. and at breakfast. and at dinner the night before—”
“i’ll eat it later,” he cuts you off, playing with the ends of his hair.
it’s a lot shorter now. it’s you who finds his body battered and bruised after the smoke clears. he’s almost unrecognizable, not the same charming and perfect suguru you’re used to seeing. not the same silkened strands and smooth skin, not the same muscled and toned body, not the same chiseled jaw and soft cheeks. instead, he’s a shell of himself. his hair is matted in knots, his body is almost frail, and you notice the sunken hollows of his cheeks and dark undereyes as you lift him from the rubble a little too easily. but his body is his own—that much you can tell from the way the stitches have disappeared.
it takes shoko a long time to nurse him back to health—it takes even longer for him to open his eyes.
you waited day and night by his side, hand over his as he breathed slowly, unconscious and unsuspecting. it would be so easy, you think one night, it would be so easy to kill him and forget and move on.
you’ve already grieved him once before. you’ve felt and conquered the pain of loving geto suguru and losing him first to himself and then to death. but love is as selfish as it is selfless, and it’s under your mercy that you let him live—yet it’s under your cowardice that you keep him close.
“you have to gain back the weight you lost, suguru,” you sigh, “you’re w—”
“weak?” he finishes for you, eyeing you for a second and then grinning. it’s unsettling, a grin that makes your skin crawl and your heart stop for a moment before he’s reaching for the fork and stabbing into his toast. “is that what you wanted to say? that i’m weak?”
“suguru, you know that’s not how i meant—”
“you’re not wrong,” he hums, chewing on the first bite as he speaks, “i suppose i am pretty weak right now, huh? couldn’t even kill you in your sleep if i tried could i?”
your throat is dry as you shrug, “i suppose not,” you whisper.
“ah,” he grins again, “but that doesn’t stop you from locking your door every night, does it?”
suguru is still healing. his body is weak, and sometimes, he leans against the wall as he walks. his arm is healed—you’re not entirely sure how, but you catch him rolling the shoulder out every now and then like it’s sore and stiff. he’s lost a lot of weight—part of it is from being bedridden for as long as he was, injured and half alive, and part of it is from barely eating—save for the few bites you force into him. you never thought there’d be a day when you could say this—but the odds of you beating suguru in hand-to-hand combat are high, and the reality is an everlasting reminder that he is not who you fell for.
you swallow, letting out a shaky breath as he watches you closely, diligently cutting another bite from the french toast sitting on his plate as he stares you down like he can see past your soul. you don’t know what’s scarier—that suguru can still practically see yours, or that you’re unsure he even has one anymore.
“you tried coming in?” you ask, unsure what else to say. he merely shrugs, takes another bite, and sets his fork down.
“thought i’d check on you,” he pops a strawberry half into his mouth as he speaks.
“is that what it really was?” you raise a brow, “or was i right to lock the door?”
you’re not sure why you lock the door at night. maybe it’s because you don’t trust him, or maybe it’s because you don’t want him near you just yet. you’re not sure. you’re not sure how satoru can go back to his cheery self, how he can step through your door and boom a loud yo, suguru! before settling beside suguru on the couch with his feet on the coffee table as he rambles away. maybe it’s not real—maybe it’s satoru desperately pretending that if he tries hard enough, things can go back to how they were.
but you don’t know how he still has the energy to try, and you don’t know if you have it in you to try anymore yourself.
you and suguru stare each other down like that for a bit, the tension rising with every silent second that passes. you’re sure he doesn’t want to be here as much as you don’t want him around—but you’re also sure he’s glad it’s here with you as much as you’re glad it’s with no one else.
“you tell me,” he smirks after a bit, the hint of amusement making your fists clench. how dare he have the audacity to look at you like that in your own home? like he has the upper hand over you without trying? “what do you think i was there for?”
“i think you should stay in your room, suguru,” you say carefully, “i bought a new bed just for that room.”
“how sweet of you,” he hums. he sips the tea before him—it’s cold by now, but it’s just how he likes it, rose with one sugar. “you must have been excited to have me.”
“hardly,” you mumble bitterly—you can’t help it. you want him to feel hurt, even just a little. you want him to know that just because he’s back, it doesn’t mean you’ve waited all this time for him to be. liar, a part of you says, you’ve always waited for him, haven’t you? but suguru doesn’t seem phased—he doesn’t even blink.
“then tell me, why am i here?” suguru asks, his tone is as casual as ever.
i wish i knew, you want to say. i wish i knew but i don’t.
“because satoru asked you to be,” is all you can say.
he nods, pushing back his plate and standing up, offering you that same grin. “you’re right,” he hums, “that’s exactly why i’m here.”
it hits you why his smile is so unsettling once he leaves—it’s almost genuine, like he’s still loved you all this time. impossible, you tell yourself. suguru stopped loving you a long time ago. and you need to stop trying to figure out why.
————————————————
even despite telling yourself you don’t care what suguru thinks, a small part of you needs to prove to him you’re not scared of him. that you don’t fear for your own safety in your home, and that him being here is not some form of him haunting you. you don’t care. he shouldn’t get the luxury of thinking you care. he can come in and watch you sleep like the creep he is if he wants—you couldn’t bother to give it a second thought.
the first night you take a chance and leave the door unlocked, suguru slips into bed beside you. it wakes you up instantly, and before you can question it, his head tucks into your neck, and his hand grasps your shirt tightly. you notice the panting almost instantly—and then you realize, it must be a nightmare.
you fall into old habits, even after all these years, defaulting to care for him like it’s second nature.
“you’re safe, suguru,” is what you settle for saying after a moment of contemplation. it’s all you can really think to say, so you brush your lips over the top of his head as you murmur, “you’re safe,” over and over again.
as difficult as it is to have suguru around, as painful and cruel and aggravating as it is to be reminded of his distant existence even as he’s two doors down, this part feels natural. it’s almost like you’re back in jujutsu high, waking up to him sneaking into your room as he presses his weight over your body and wakes you with soft kisses along your face.
except this time, he’s not annoyingly demanding cuddles or telling you about his weird dream, he’s not stealing your blanket and demanding you play with his hair. this time, it’s not the same suguru—and this time, it’s not jujutsu high.
it’s your room. the one you got on the other side of town to leave the sorcery world behind, somehow still stuck right in the center of it no matter where you go. and yet, just like all those years ago, your legs tangle, and your arms wrap him up, and you murmur, “you’re safe,” while he catches his breath.
“but they’re not,” he mutters in between labored pants, making you pause.
and then you remember.
faintly, you recall the blonde and black hair from a distance, you remember bitterly wondering what’d it be like watching suguru fathering children of your own as you came to the reality that it would never happen. sometimes, you wonder if you hate nanako and mimiko for existing, for living as the dreams you never got to live through with suguru.
it’s selfish—to hate two children because they are what you do not have.
but then you feel something wet hit your neck, and then you wish they were okay—for his sake. and just for a moment, you’re selfless again.
“they’re not safe,” he mutters, making you sigh.
“they are,” you whisper, hesitating for a moment before letting your fingers slip into his hair. you scratch gently at his scalp, feeling his body melt into yours almost instantly—like it’s a response that’s natural to him. “they’re not suffering. not anymore.”
“is that supposed to make me feel better?” he scoffs. you shrug, letting your cheek press against the top of his head as you sigh.
“it helps me feel better,” you say softly, “‘s just how you learn to cope.”
it’s an understanding you both silently come to. loss on both sides. bloodshed on either ground. defeat no matter which ideal you take. to love is to bear the pain of mortality—it’s a lesson that you never cease to learn until the ends of time itself.
“the jujutsu world is one of suffering,” he grits, sniffling into your neck. you hum, pressing a kiss to his head as your eyes close.
“every world is one of suffering, suguru, you can’t erase them all. the sooner you realize that, the easier you’ll find peace.”
you fall into a slumber after that, faintly aware of the way he shuffles closer to you, faintly aware of the soft kiss pressed to your skin as sleep takes over your body and drifts you out of consciousness.
when you wake up the next morning, suguru is gone, and the door is closed. the blanket is tucked up to your chin, and your neck still tingles from last night.
————————————————
“get up,” you throw a pillow at suguru, waking him up with a start as he sits up. his hair is tousled and messy from sleep—it’s now long enough that he can put it in a bun without strands slipping from the bottom anymore. you chuckle as he glares at you, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he groans.
“the fuck was that for?” he grunts, holding the blanket up to cover his exposed chest.
it’s funny that he does that, in a way. it’s not as though you haven’t seen his chest…and then some too. it’s not like you haven’t torn his shirt off to stanch the flow of blood from his injuries before or feel the bare skin with your palm under the pale moonlight as the lingering scent of sex breezes through the room.
but somehow, even though he doesn’t need to cover his chest around you of all people, you’re glad that he does. truthfully, it keeps you slightly comforted to know that he’s aware you’re still technically strangers—no matter how well-versed you are in each other’s pasts. but you don’t ponder on it too much. instead, you grin, shoving aside the visual of the small glance you caught at his pecs, and you clap your hands to motion him to hurry.
“we are going grocery shopping,” you say casually—as though it’s not something to make him raise a brow in shock.
“me?” he points a finger at himself. you roll your eyes, and he challenges you with another raise of his brow. “aren’t i supposed to stay away from civilians?”
“yes, you,” you nod, pointing back at him, “and satoru has worked overtime to get you granted permission to roam around with me. he says you’re welcome, by the way.”
“tell him to go fuck off.”
“that’s ungrateful,” you say flatly, “his feelings will be hurt.”
“his feelings will find a way to cope,” suguru huffs. “i don’t want to be around…them,” he says bitterly.
you suppose it’s wishful thinking to hope suguru has let go of his past beliefs. perhaps he’s long abandoned the possibility of the vision he once planned on bringing to life, but you can’t say you expected him to revert back to the old suguru who fought alongside you and satoru. you yourself certainly have no intention of returning to the sorcery world after all the events, so you can’t say you’re shocked by the lack of change he seems to show. but then again, you suppose suguru has changed. whether he sees it or not.
he stays here and doesn’t put up a fight to leave even though he can now that he’s healed. he eats lunch when you tell him and even washes the dishes. sometimes, when you come home a bit late, dinner is even ready on the table as he sits and stares at you expectantly. his plate is empty like yours—like he’s been waiting for you even though he doesn’t need to. you suppose you can see he’s changed in the way he doesn’t scoff at the tv channels you surf through, he silently sits on the opposite end of the couch now and watches with you, and perhaps if you’re lucky, you’ll hear a light chuckle or a quiet sigh as the scenes roll on the screen.
you suppose this suguru is a step closer to your suguru every day he spends with you, but you don’t know if any suguru is what you need right now. perhaps that name should’ve been buried away as a distant memory, perhaps it should’ve only been something you unlock once every year on his death anniversary—when satoru clambers through your door drunk and unsteady as he clutches the hand that killed his best friend, only to share pancakes with you in the morning and pretend like you don’t notice the dried tears on his cheeks while he acts like he doesn’t catch the way your hand shakes as you cut into your breakfast.
but suguru is here now. whether it’s as geto, one half of the strongest duo in jujutsu high, whether it’s as suguru, the love of your life and the sole reason you exist, or whether it’s as geto suguru, the curse user and mass murderer who haunts your past, present, and everything in between.
so you simply sigh, grab the pillow again, and hit the top of his head before walking over to the door as you call over your shoulder, “i’m gonna wait for you by the door in fifteen minutes. be ready or face the consequences..”
“no thanks. don’t wanna,” suguru grumbles petulantly, frowning at you as you stick your tongue at him, smirking as if you’ve just played your ace.
“too bad,” you sing before swinging the door shut.
he’s at the door in exactly fifteen minutes, like he waited until the last possible second to join you as a move of spite. but you simply gesture him out the door and lock up, taking your sweet time as he stands there with an annoyed face. you stare at the doorknob once you’re done, taking a deep breath before turning to him with your best smile.
“let’s go,” you hum.
“after you,” he mutters.
—
he grimaces as soon as he sees the people going about their business, clearly unhappy with the idea of being around non-sorcerers, but one sharp glare from you has him sighing and trekking along. the grocery store, admittedly, is not as bad as suguru thinks—in fact, there are lots of things he doesn’t realize he misses until he watches you grab a shopping cart.
suddenly, he sees shadows. the silhouette of your figure climbing into the cart, the angry wave of satoru’s hands as he claims it's his turn to be pushed around, the figure of shoko pinching the bridge of her nose in irritation from the back—and then, he sees the dark shadow of baggy pants and a small bun. it’s him. suguru watches himself almost in slow motion through the remnants of his imagination as he gently shoves satoru out of the way and reaches to poke the tip of your nose before he pushes the cart with you in it.
it’s a happy memory—and it’s gone all too soon.
as soon as he blinks, the shadows have disappeared—instead, it’s you waving a hand in his face, concern written on your features as you call his name.
“suguru? hey, hello? are you with me?”
he exhales, pulled from his trance as he gently grabs your wrist from in front of his face and sets it down as he nods, “yeah, i’m fine. just thinking,” he mumbles.
for a second, you hesitate, like you almost mean to say something. but in the end, you only nod before turning to grab the shopping cart. but he stops you—grabs the handle and turns to you with a small smile on his face, making you raise a brow as he gently moves you away.
“what are you—”
“get in,” he grins, making you stare at him in bewilderment.
“what?”
“just get in,” he sighs, “you love it when you get to sit in the cart.”
“i’m not a teenager anymore—”
“get in, will you?” he groans, “always so damn difficult.”
“hey,” you pout, glaring at him with your hands planted at your hips, “that’s rude.” it’s cute. suguru stares at you with amusement in his eyes and a soft look on his face that you don’t think you’ve really seen in years.
“humor me,” he hums, “just get in, okay?”
so you do.
with a huff and a grumble under your breath, you fight back a smile and climb into the damn cart just like old times. you swallow and try not to let it get to you when he reaches over and pokes the tip of your nose and pushes the cart around, letting you name off the things you need from your list while he grabs them. and when he sneaks snacks into the pile, you roll your eyes and glare at him in the way you always did—the one that isn’t actually annoyed. fond. happy to let it slide because it’s him.
“we need candy,” you murmur, “that’s the last thing on the list.”
“okay. what kind?” he asks, turning the cart into the candy aisle and smiling softly down at you.
“doesn’t matter, satoru eats anything as long as it’s sweet. he’s more likely to die from sugar than fighting a curse, i think.”
“you buy candy for satoru?” he asks, making you shrug as you reach over and grab a few bags of candy off the shelves, setting them down beside you.
“he comes over a lot so i learned to keep stuff stocked up for him. you know how he gets when he’s hungry.”
suguru feels something he hasn’t felt since he was a teenager. jealousy—specifically of satoru.
suguru is not foolish. he knows as soon as he meets gojo satoru that of the two, one of them is stronger and it’s definitely not himself. for the longest time, he’s okay with that, okay being the strongest only when alongside satoru—until he’s not. and even if suguru always had a bit more attention in the romance department than satoru, in his head he’s always known that perhaps satoru can keep you safer, more well off, maybe even happier. with smooth smiles and eyes as welcoming as an oasis, gojo satoru would never leave you in the dark pit of misery as suguru once had.
something about the thought of you and satoru keeping each other company through the lonely years, filling that empty spot suguru left behind, sharing moments over candy and empty wrappers makes suguru wonder for a moment if perhaps he’d be happier if he stayed. maybe he could have worn a heartfelt smile in a world that carves them off the faces of sorcerers with bloody knives as long as you were there to wipe the blood.
but before he can dwell on it, you snatch one more bag—this time of his favorite candy, placing it into the cart and grinning gently up at him.
“i haven’t bought this one in years,” you admit, “i almost forget how it tastes.”
“me too,” he says quietly.
“well,” you hum, “we’ll have to have some when we’re home.”
home. you say it as though it belongs to him as much as it does you, and then like you always have, without even meaning to, you wash away the dark stains of his jealousy with no trace left behind.
“yeah,” he chuckles, “we—”
“daddy, look! candy!” suguru is cut off by the gentle pitter-patter of two tiny feet running into the aisle, pointing at a bag of candy as a man follows close behind.
his breath hitches.
she’s small, the girl—she has two pigtails with soft strands of blonde hair falling out of the loosely tied bands. it reminds suguru of the first time he perfected tying up nanako’s hair, the soft giggles behind her tiny hand as she twirled in the mirror.
there’s another girl in the man’s arms—dark hair on her head as she curls into her father’s chest and tucks her head into his neck when she sees you and suguru in the aisle. she’s shy, he realizes, like mimiko, and suddenly he remembers the tiny fingers that used to hook into his pants when she got too overwhelmed by the people around her, waiting for suguru to scoop her into his arms.
perhaps in another life, suguru would redo everything differently—he’d be happy with you and satoru and shoko, and nanami and haibara would be there too, well and alive. but no matter what, he’d never redo nanako and mimiko differently. he’d never change a thing about them, not even the way nanako whines too much about small things or the way mimiko never speaks up even when something is clearly bothering her. he’d never change the way he saved them and took them in at the tender age of eighteen, too lost to be a father but choosing to raise them anyway. he’d never change the feeling of pure joy and unbridled pride when they climbed into his bed for the first time, shushing each other so as not to wake him—even though he’d awoken as soon as the door to his room opened.
because he realized that night that yeah, maybe he’d made mistakes in his lifetime, lots of them too. maybe he’d made a bad choice choosing the path he did, or maybe he didn’t. he’s never been completely sure—just that he had to try at least to make his vision for a different world come to life. but one mistake he never made was his girls. one thing he was always sure about was the soft clutch at his pants and the tiny hands reaching for his own.
suguru wouldn’t change anything about nanako and mimiko—except maybe the fact that they aren’t here, gone because of him.
“suguru?” you ask softly, reaching for his hand as he grips the cart tightly and pulling his gaze away from the family in the distance.
he blinks, meets your eyes, and knows that you know. with one glance at your face, he knows you understand. the world is cruel, one filled with suffering, he thinks. but then he remembers what you said, that every world is full of suffering, not just his—that it’s a truth he has to come face to face with.
but it’s hard. it’s hard when this man has his two little girls and suguru does not—it’s hard to watch someone have what he wants with no worries of losing it, all because of people and their own weaknesses. he thinks for a moment that he’s been right all along—that non-sorcerers are too weak for this life, that the jujutsu world has always suffered so they don’t have to.
but then the man speaks up, catching both of your attention.
“your mother used to love those,” he says quietly to his daughter, a pained smile on his face. instantly, you and suguru both seem to understand the weight of that single sentence.
every world has its own pain, suguru realizes. its own cruelties and unfairness, its own way of bringing suffering in its wake as it rips away the things closest to you from your begging fingertips, leaving them cold and empty and numb from the lost weight underneath them.
“let’s go, suguru,” you whisper, “we have everything we came for.”
“yeah,” he whispers back, clearing his throat so his voice doesn’t crack, “let’s go.”
suguru leaves the grocery store with you after you pay, and for a brief moment, he’s unsure. unsure whether he’s grateful to satoru for fighting for him to be able to come and grateful to you for dragging him along, or if he wishes he died along with the rubble, gone before you could find him and turn him into this.
“before you even think about hiding away in your room,” you say, grabbing the bags from the cart as you put it back where it belongs, “you have to help with putting away the groceries.”
“sure,” he says smoothly. he grabs all the heavy bags from your hand, and you make a move to protest that you don’t need him to take the heavier ones, that you’re fine and can handle them like you’ve always handled them.
but he walks off, and finally, you decide to simply follow.
————————————————
satoru likes to come and visit—you’ve started a routine movie night every week (unless he’s away, of course.) it’s fun, but it also means he makes your veins pop because he’s a headache like that—always makes himself right at home and eats your snacks like this is his place and not yours. he helps himself to your already limited candy and puts his sock-clad feet up on the coffee table no matter how many times you tell him not to.
you try sitting with legs as long as these, he always whines, earning a harsh glare from you as you smack at his shins until he ultimately caves and begrudgingly sets his feet down.
but then they always make their way back up to the coffee table, and you’re too busy enjoying his company to care—although you’ll never admit it.
satoru is endearing like that, swallowing the dark clouds from your shoulders whole and eating up your burdens with that side of responsibility that you don’t think you could ever stomach. satoru is just like that, you realize, taking the brunt of the weight and laughing off every concern until you can’t help but not take them seriously yourself.
it’s hard to remember that sometimes you didn’t just lose suguru, the love of your life, that night. everyone lost something. shoko lost someone to smoke with, yaga lost a student to scold, nanami lost a headache to avoid, and satoru?
well…satoru lost what you think might’ve been the only filled void of his miserably empty life.
it’s hard to remember that satoru lost his best friend—the only best friend he’s ever had (although you like to think of yourself as a close contender)—because he’s so good at letting you forget. he brings you ice cream (that he eats half of because it’s only fair he gets a share), and he sits and hogs your couch (that he argues you don’t really need as much space as him on because your legs aren’t as long), and he watches those stupid sitcoms that are dry with boring jokes (that you used to make suguru watch back in the day).
it’s hard to remember that satoru also lost as much as you because he’s so damn good at making you forget about your own loss, you don’t care to think about anyone else’s for a while. just a short while. just until he’s yawning that obnoxiously loud yawn and stretching those awkwardly long limbs of his before he claims he really should go and that being the world’s best teacher requires as many hours of beauty sleep as you can squeeze in.
and then he’s off. and it’s empty again. and just like that, you’re reminded of why he was there in the first place—to fill in that sick and painful void that geto suguru left in you.
it’s gaping, like he tore a chunk of you right out with sharp teeth, like you’re just a piece of meat for him to get his fill of. if suguru really loved you, would you be so easy to let go of? why couldn’t he smile? because you could—god, you could smile just from the sight of him alone, you realize a long time ago. him with his cigarette tucked between his lips, those death sticks as you called them, hung loosely from his mouth as he gives you a lopsided grin.
geto suguru is enough of a reason to smile. the world could crumble at your feet and leave you with nothing but rubble and dirt, and still, suguru is the core of the earth you’re searching for.
so why couldn’t you be the same? what is it you were missing? what about you was just not enough for him like the way he was enough for you?
it dawns on you one night, through bitter tears and shaky sobs, and that sick, twisted, pleading feeling in your gut that begs the wind to carry him back to you—geto suguru has never loved you the way you loved him.
and for that, you can never forgive him, you don’t think.
“you tryin’ to go bug-eyed?” he asks, settling down on the couch next to you, making you snap out of your trance. you shake your head a little, stare back at him for a moment before putting on that look on your face where you roll your eyes and pretend everything is fine.
“no,” you huff, “i’m just thinking.”
“about…?”
“satoru has rarely ever missed a movie night.”
“maybe he’s sick of you,” he shrugs, grinning slyly at you as you narrow your eyes with a glare, “there’s someone here to keep you company now so he’s probably taken his opportunity to run.”
“you’re hardly company,” you scoff, “freeloader.”
“hey,” he defends, shrugging as if it’s not his fault. you suppose it’s not. “i didn’t ask to be rescued. you can’t be high and mighty and petty. ‘s not how that works.”
“says who? you don’t make the rules. i can be graciously kind and a jerk all at once.”
“complexity,” he nods, “i like it.”
“i’m not as complicated as you might think,” you grumble, crossing your arms as you stare at the time. yeah, satoru isn’t making it—which, he told you as much, but he’s strolled in at the last second too many times to count before. you figure today would be the same. “as long as you don’t skip movie nights with me, i’m pretty simple to keep appeased.”
“alright,” he props his feet up on the coffee table—seriously, what is it with asshole men putting their feet on your table? satoru is a terrible influence. “let’s have a movie night.”
“what?” you blink.
“movie night,” he repeats, “you said you don’t like skipping movie night—”
“well, i meant i don’t like satoru skipping movie—”
“well, it was me before satoru, wasn’t it?” he says with a smile. his eyes are closed, crinkled at the corners, but his voice is carefully neutral—like he takes extra care not to let you see any emotion behind it.
but that only means there is an emotion, isn’t there? is he jealous? does he hate the fact that you and satoru have a routine of your own without him? that you don’t need him to continue living your life?
good. he should be. he walked out on you all those years ago. he killed a village. killed his parents. you never even got to meet them—he never even got to take you home and introduce you to them before he ripped away every fantasy you ever had with him.
and now he’s back—he has the audacity to live, to laugh in your face with his existence that yes, geto suguru is here. and he was supposed to be executed, but your stubborn friend didn’t let that happen. he was supposed to be your husband by now with kids and a happy little home, and you were supposed to be his parent’s new addition to their family that they loved so much. but none of that is even close to happening, and it’s suguru’s fault, and the least he can do is show you some regret and maybe feel just the slightest bit bad that you now have to watch shitty movies with his best friend instead of him to feel normal.
ex-best friend? half best friend? you don’t even know—do they still consider each other their best friends? does anyone consider suguru anything? you don’t know what you consider him. but you think the least he can do is act just the slightest bit pathetic after making you feel so pathetic for so long just to even the score.
he should be a stranger. he feels like an old friend. but either is dangerous.
“alright,” you sigh, “let's bring back movie night. don’t fall asleep.”
“i get plenty of sleep nowadays,” he hums, “i have more than enough free time for that now.”
“how lucky of you,” you snort.
—
picking a movie with suguru is difficult. he actually has standards—satoru watches anything so long as he gets snacks, and he can make anything fun to watch with the way he comments from the side like a critic. suguru, on the other hand, actually cares about the quality of a movie, the metrics that make it good.
so you pick the hunger games just to piss him off.
“seriously?” he raises a brow, “this is your pick?”
“yes,” you grin, “i like these movies.”
“of all movies—”
“my house, my rules,” you grin cheekily, “you can pick the movies as soon as you start paying the bills.”
“wow,” he deadpans, “stooping to use my financial status against me? i thought you were better than this.”
“oh suguru,” you sigh dramatically, grabbing a bag of chips from the table, “you don’t know me at all.”
all things considered, you think it’s a rather enjoyable experience. it’s not as fun without satoru’s stupid comments that you pretend to hate, but suguru provides his own commentary that earns a giggle out of you here and there too—although his are not meant to be funny. but that’s the appeal of it, you think.
“she should have picked gale,” he mumbles. you raise a brow.
“peeta was always there for her, did you miss the rain scene?”
“so was gale,” he says smoothly, grabbing a chip from your bag and making you scowl.
“gale killed her sister,” you point out, “and a lot of other people too. he was ruthless. she needed peeta.”
“gale did what he had to do,” suguru mumbles.
suddenly, it doesn’t really feel like you’re discussing the movie anymore. it feels more than that. it feels sickening—the air is heavy, and your throat is dry and god, you just wanted a movie night and not this heaviness as you talk about stuff from the past without actually talking about it.
you blink before turning to your chips, playing around with the bag as you shrug.
“in the end he didn’t get katniss, did he?”
suguru studies you for a moment, stares a little too deep into you that you start to feel the urge to bolt to your room and go to bed.
“guess not,” he says quietly, “guess that’s the one regret he has, huh?”
you think for a second, as suguru stares at your eyes with something you can’t quite read, that you might cry. you might cry and throw that half-empty can of soda in his face for speaking in codes and making you question what he means and remember your past. you might cry because suguru could’ve always gotten you—in fact, he had you.
it’s not fair. nothing is, but you can’t help but dwell on it.
“i’m going to bed. it’s late,” you mumble after a few moments, standing. he only nods, staring at the tv as the credits roll. when you make it to your room and the door shuts behind you, you debate clicking the lock in place.
in the end, you don’t lock the door. suguru climbs into bed with you once more later that night, shaking slightly from his nightmare but calmer than usual. he’s still gone by the time morning comes, and you still never mention it.
it hits you one night that maybe he still has you—maybe you never let him stop having you, no matter what you say.
————————————————
suguru is good at cleaning while you’re away. you have to go out and do adult things like breadwinning and grocery shopping and bill paying. he dusts and cleans and even takes out the trash when you’re home to monitor him as he steps two feet out of your front door. sometimes, because you like to get on his nerves, you accidentally mess up a corner of the house just as he cleans it, laughing as he shoots you an unimpressed look.
“stop getting crumbs on the floor,” he mumbles, “i just vacuumed.”
“you make a good malewife,” you giggle, “vacuuming and everything. how cute.”
“don’t call me that,” he grumbles, sitting down on the couch.
“but you missed a spot,” you point to the crumbs you’ve sprinkled from your fingers as you snack away, making him glare. “failwife.”
“i’m going to divorce you and take everything,” he snaps, making you snort as you put your hands up in surrender.
“you don’t have to, you know,” you murmur, “clean, i mean. i can handle it.”
“i think i should carry my weight around here,” he shrugs, “since you are basically sugar babying me around for now.”
“dangerous curse user to the world, but sugar baby to me,” you tease, pulling a chuckle out of him as he rolls his eyes.
sometimes it’s nice to have his company. suguru is good with banter like that, he’s not annoying like satoru where you run in circles. suguru makes you laugh from your belly, makes the hiccups catch in your throat as you double over. he’s always been like that, always known how to make laughter pour from your lips and trickle down your chin. it’s comforting to know he still knows how. it leaves a small amount of bitterness that he’s still able to make you feel like this.
“by the way, next time you go shopping, take me with you,” he says casually, “i need to buy stuff for my hair. it’s growing.”
“you’ll finally see the sun just for your hair?” you gasp, “who knew that’s all it’d take?”
despite the playfulness in your words, there’s still shock. suguru is willingly stepping foot outside your house. he’s finally choosing to return to life after living like a recluse no matter how many times you and satoru have tried to beg him to get up and go somewhere. the most you can get out of him is a walk around the neighborhood before he goes back to wandering your home and hiding away in his room.
suguru is returning to life, his life, and you can’t help but wonder where that leaves room for you.
“my hair is my charm,” he reasons, “wouldn’t you agree?”
there’s a smirk on his lips when he asks—it’s like he’s seventeen and teasing you again, giving you that unfairly flirty smile that used to make you stutter as a kid. back when you were hopelessly in love. back when it was you, suguru, and the world in your corner. back when you had dreams of your future, practically giggling as you planned it away in a notebook.
suguru was always perfect like that, the kind of guy you could only dream about. he’s always been handsome—he’s always been the center of attention everywhere you went. you used to huff about it, about all the attention he managed to get from walking into a room alone. but then he’d smile, give you that tender look of his as he’d chuckle, and you’d be hopeless again.
he shouldn’t have that effect on you anymore after over a decade. but he does. it’s cruel, the way the universe works. it’s like there’s a magnet that pushes you together no matter how far you try to go, still pulled by gravity straight into his awaiting eyes and devilish smile.
“i cut your hair off once, i can do it again,” you huff. he laughs, it’s good-natured and kind.
“i was a bit heartbroken when i realized it was so short, i have to admit,” he says, “i didn’t look like me.”
“you looked good,” you say quietly, “i think you’d make anything work, to be honest.”
“yeah?” he grins, “any requests? i might consider it if it’s you.”
“oh shut up,” you roll your eyes, “how about shaving your head bald? let's see how much charm you have without all that hair.”
“i could charm you without the hair still, couldn’t i?” he winks.
it’s unfair how he acts like normal. like a few months in your home undoes everything he’s ever committed, all the atrocities he’s caused. the way he flirts with you feels like you’re his again. the way he’s aged and changed feels like you’re meeting someone new. you don’t understand how suguru is so natural with that—with seamlessly falling back into a rhythm with you like nothing has changed at all.
deep down, you know that suguru is just moving on with his life. he’s making the most of what he can. he can’t die, satoru would never let him have a peaceful death after all this. he can’t go back to the way things used to be, whether that’s his sorcery days or his curse user days, and he certainly can’t start over. so he’s making do with what he has—which is very little in reality.
it’s you, your home, and the biweekly visits from satoru and occasionally shoko. so he weaves you seamlessly into his life and treats you with a sense of normalcy you can’t hope to treat him with. maybe it’s because suguru was actually able to move on after he left.
it’s the part you hated him most for. for building a family with new people. for having two girls that he raised as daughters. for finding people to follow him and trust. suguru, after he walked away from everything he ever knew, actually did something with his life—even if it could hardly be considered good.
you? you fell deeper and deeper into a pit of denial until clawing your way back out was too impossible, until you had to leave behind everything you’ve ever known to get away from the remnants of his existence.
it’s easy for him to weave you back into his life because he chose to cut you loose. it feels damn near impossible to let him weave back into yours after he tore himself from the edges and frayed away.
“don’t do that,” you sigh, making him frown.
“do what?”
“you know what, suguru,” you pinch your nose in frustration, “stop acting like things are normal.”
“things are definitely not normal,” he snorts bitterly, “i think needing your approval to take the trash out is not equal to normal.”
“then why are you acting like…” you trail off, unsure.
“like what?” he raises a brow.
“like we never changed,” you slam your hands down on the couch in exasperation.
he stares at you for a minute, blinks once, then twice, and then furrows his brows.
“well, of course we changed,” he mumbles in confusion, “i know that—”
you shouldn’t have said anything. you quickly realize that. suguru is not trying to act like things are normal—he’s trying to be civil, and you’re just a fool. a fool who looks too deeply into everything and assumes what you want to out of things and god, you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of your one and only ex-boyfriend in over a decade who was once dead and somehow came back to the land of the living.
of course, he knows things are not the same. he doesn’t want what you think he does. it’s been years and suguru has moved on—he had already moved on all those years ago, and you’re the only one here that is still focused on the past. and now he knows it too.
you stand before he can finish, nodding as you stare down instead of meeting his eyes, pretending to adjust your clothes.
“right, of course you do,” you nod, “i don’t know why i said that. just ignore me, i’ll be going to my room now. i have…things to do, so i’ll be—”
“hang on,” he frowns, hand grabbing your wrist, “i don’t mean it like that,” he says gently.
fuck geto suguru for being so confusing and fuck him for being nice about it too.
“you can let go, suguru,” you pull at your wrist, “forget what i said, i wasn’t thinking—”
“i still feel the same,” he cuts you off, making your eyes widen, “if that’s what you mean. i never stopped.”
never stopped—that’s almost worse than moving on. how could he have felt the same all those years and still never come back?
“that does not help even a little,” you swallow the lump in your throat. “that makes this so much worse, do you see that?”
“i know,” he sighs, “i’m sor—”
“don’t say you’re sorry,” you grit your teeth, “we both know you’re not.”
“maybe not,” he admits, “i had to try. and that meant leaving—i’m sorry that’s not what you wanted.”
“it’s not!” you turn around, pulling your arm out of his grasp—suguru, for what it’s worth, takes the shove to his chest like a champ. “of course i didn’t want you to leave and kill a bunch of people and have an execution stamped on your forehead and live your life without me.”
“i know—”
“and now you’re back. back! in my house, eating my food and sleeping in my bed for half the night and i just have to act like this is normal. how is any of this normal?”
“it’s not,” he agrees. he’s calm. so calm, it almost makes you mad. why is he so calm? “nothing about anything in our lives is normal. it never was.”
“you ruined my life,” you blink back tears. he smiles sadly, taking a step closer.
“i guess i can take the blame for that,” he nods, hands finding their way to your hips. against your better judgment, you lean half your weight against his body. this is bad, very bad—but it’s also the best thing ever.
being close to suguru feels like the sun’s heat tearing through your skin—it’s warm. it’s pleasant. it leaves you parched and drained with a dry throat. but still, you need it to survive.
“why did you come back?” you ask tiredly. his hand finds the small of your back, rubbing slow circles.
“i don’t know,” he hums, “i didn’t really get a say. maybe i was always meant to, who knows?”
you look at him at that—tilt your head to get a good look at his features. his eyes are more tired, and his cheeks are a bit more sunken in compared to the youthful flesh you remember him with. his hair isn’t as healthy, and his forehead has the slightest traces of pale marks from the scars. but he’s still suguru—and you have always loved suguru, even if he gives you every reason to hate him.
“you make my life unreasonably difficult,” you mutter.
he hums, smiling. “can i?” he asks breathlessly, pleadingly. you stare at his eyes, he stares at your lips. you know what he wants—but fuck, you can’t let him have it so easy.
“can you what?” you ask, raising a brow slowly.
“are you really gonna make me say it?” he grunts, lips almost curled into a pout. it’s cute, the way he looks longingly at your lips—it’s so cute and beautiful and dangerous all at once, just like suguru.
“yes,” you say, “yes i am. i deserve to hear it suguru, after everything you put me through. you…you left me. i wasn’t enough for you. i mourned you. i grieved a body i never even saw. do you know what that does to a person? to lose them not once but two times? the least you could do is tell me what you want,” your voice wavers just a little.
it shakes for the lost time. for the moments you’ll never have. for the memories you lost. for the past that’s tainted. time is cruel like that. but that’s the beauty of it all—the fragility. it’s like sand falling through the cracks of your fingers, every grain slipping from your reach but still soft and soothing against your skin as it falls. everything fades over time, everything starts to hurt one way or another. but it stops. it heals. it starts over. the sand fills the cup of your palms again, warm and delicate and just as beautiful as before it crumbled.
“can i kiss you?” he asks desperately, “please?”
“kissing me is not a temporary thing,” you shake your head, “not anymore. it’s for good. only for good.”
“i want to kiss you for good,” he nods, hands digging into your hips impatiently. you’re close. you’re too far. he can feel you, smell you, hear your unsteady breaths. but it’s not enough. he needs to devour you, taste you on his tongue, and melt you with his touch. “i won’t stop this time,” he promises.
“you better not,” you sniffle, tears blurring your vision. you hated suguru for leaving you. you hated him for coming back to you like this. you never stopped loving him, never will stop loving him—and maybe that’s what love is. when the darkness is worth trekking through for the afterglow of the light. “if you fucking leave me again, you’re dead to me. i don’t care how many times you come back to life. you’re dead to me.”
“okay,” he agrees through a shaky chuckle, “i suppose i deserve that. let me kiss you, yeah?”
“yeah,” you breathe.
he kisses you—years too late, he kisses you. it feels like you’re teenagers again. it feels different and foreign. you know this feeling like the back of your hand. you don’t understand what this sensation is anymore. it’s new. it’s old. it’s perfect. it hurts. suguru is here. he promised not to leave—you don’t know if you believe him, but you’re going to trust that finally, for once, you are enough.
you’re enough to make him happy. to give him a sense of purpose. to keep him swimming when his limbs start to sink.
finally, for once, you’re enough.
“i love you,” he whispers against your mouth, breathing the words into you like he’s offering you the air from his lungs, “i never stopped. i promise.”
“you don’t deserve to hear it from me,” you murmur back, panting against his lips, “not yet.”
“fair enough,” he chuckles, “you sure know how to leave a guy waiting.”
“i learned from the best,” you shoot back.
he grins—suguru smiles, heartfelt and real. life is full of misery, it’s painful, and nothing fucking makes sense. everything is cruel. everything dies no matter how carefully you water the roots. there’s always something, someone, ready to tear it from the earth. but if you keep planting the seeds, suguru will keep watering.
maybe something kind can bloom from that, something big enough for him to hide under the shade when the scorching heat of tragedy becomes too much.
in this world or in the jujutsu world; in this life or in the next. suguru is yours.
“why am i here?” he asks gently, his face digging into your neck. you hold him, cradling the back of his head as you hum.
“because i need you here. will you stay?”
“yes,” he murmurs, “i think i’ll stay.”
hi. i have been working on this since march. its still not how i envisioned it to be originally but that's okay. i had fun writing it and it means a lot to me even tho its kind of. well....cliche LMAO like everything i write. but. i enjoy the cliches okay ?? i do. kxljchskdf hope u guys didn't hate it </3
also the fic banner is …. not the greatest. just ignore it ok
#teepods.writings#fics.#geto x reader#geto x you#geto fluff#geto angst#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk fluff#jjk angst#geto suguru x reader#geto suguru x you#geto suguru angst#geto suguru fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen angst#jujutsu kaisen fluff
6K notes
·
View notes
Text
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Alastor x GN!Reader
TW: Talks of murder, Alastor being Alastor. Alastor realized a lot of things.
A/N: I want to be buddies with this man. Was I listening to AC/DC….maybe, This started as a headcanon thing but it turned into something else. Enjoy!
Your friendship with Alastor.
You met Alastor when you both were alive! You somehow got his attention and then a year or two of you both annoying one another you’re good friends! Best friends even! He wouldn’t say that but you know it.
Both of you are such fucking menaces, while he is much more of a gentleman and very put together. You are somewhat the opposite. You are put together but it’s like you hate fancy dress clothes and you’d rather be running around with a gun in hand stealing from poor fools who didn’t look twice at you. He will forever chew you out for your thieving and how underdressed you are! Where are your manners and why are you laughing at him? He didn’t say anything funny! But he can’t help to think how your smile and laugh suits you.
You walked in on him while he was killing a poor fool one night and instead of running away and freaking out, you looked around and smirked “Can I steal his shit?” He rolled his eyes and waved his bloody hand towards you, “You can’t find anything else to do?” He snarled out easily killing the man below him, he could easily kill you but why would he need to now? You obviously didn’t care, “You know the saying, old friend. Another man’s trash is another man’s treasure~” You cooed out looking through the stuff on the fireplace mantle.
“Don’t make it so obvious.” He hissed out, looking around. “Were you followed?” He asked, making you stop and turn to him, hand on your chest. “Alastor! Are you doubting me? Here I thought you loved me.” You teased making him send you a half hearted glare, “Love is a strong word.” You rolled your eyes, “Right… No one dared to follow me.”
Another thing is when he had to hide bodies, you happily helped him and stood guard to make sure no one followed. He was grateful but he’d be caught redhanded before he said that to your face.
Once he died, you were inconsolable for weeks on end until you crossed paths with some unfortunate souls who sadly got you good before their death. You bled out in some alley way near his favorite speakeasy, you wouldn’t be found until the morning.
BUT IN HELL-
You were an uncontrollable force to be reckoned with, you still kept your spirits high especially when you got a little tipsy or the money was good enough. It took decades for your ass to find Alastor, you were so caught up in your own adventures you just forgot about finding your best friend. Until it got boring and you saw a flier for the ‘Hazbin Hotel’...it couldn’t hurt to look for him there, besides he was fucked up and he could be there to see everything fall to pieces.
So when you arrived and you saw the tall deer man, his smile stretching wider into the grin you could tell from a mile away. “Oh it’s you,” He hummed, making you roll your eyes. “Oh please, Alastor. Don’t act like you weren’t excited to see me. Who else would be able to deal with your insane ass,” You replied looking around, “You missed me, don’t you dare deny that fact.” He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I’m not denying anything, Old friend. I just simply thought you wouldn’t look for me.” He walked over, circling you to see if anything changed or was he trying to find a weak point? “See you keep thinking that and I keep reminding you that you are stuck with me forever, there is no escaping that.”
He’s happy you found him but he’s got to keep up appearances, later that night you're sitting with him in the parlor sipping on some whiskey he grabbed from the bar as you tell him all of your stories. It goes silent for a while and it’s comfortable for some part. “How did you die?” He asked one moment and it truthfully caught you off guard. “...Like you said, I’ll get too confident and end up dying on the streets.” You whispered the alcohol on your tongue tastes gross now. He didn’t gloat, or if he was he was doing it silently, “Tried to go after a rich fella. He had a gun and got me good in the stomach that was before I killed him, ran off before I could take anything. Died in an alley near your favorite speakeasy. Guess I was looking for you even after all this time.” You looked down at the glass and sighed, he was too silent for your liking but he was always like that. Why did it affect you now?
He didn’t say much the rest of the night or the next morning. Only gave you a nod when you’d left.
Alastor couldn’t control you much like he could with Husk and Nifty, he couldn’t drag you along with his shenanigans. He could try but it would fail. You were a creature of habit and a stubborn one at that. You left by a certain time to get your fill of thieving, killing and messing with people before coming back to him.
Yet, you still wore that smile on your face and laughed as loudly as you could when something was funny enough for you. He wasn’t used to that, people should be miserable down in this cesspool. But you weren’t why weren’t you miserable? It was something that plagued him all night long.
He adored your smile and laughter.
#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel imagine#gn reader#alastor x reader#alastor hazbin hotel#alastor x you#hazbin hotel alastor x reader
172 notes
·
View notes
Text
and a yellow moon glowed bright
Years later, when Ivypool herself is only a memory and before she’s completely lost to time, she’ll look over ThunderClan, wherever they might be, and still look for her daughter in every face.
The stories have it wrong already, and the truth will be dust before long. Bristlefrost isn’t alive in their memories. She’s twice-dead, drowned in black, choking water, a light snuffed out too soon. Bristlefrost was the prodigy — the daughter cats dreamed of, the first to find her voice and her paws, the leader of her siblings, the apprentice who did not graduate even earlier than she did because there was no prey in the forest to be found, not because of any failings on her part.
Cats starved, that long winter. Not Bristlefrost. Never her daughter, her clever, resourceful last-born. And she had once occupied this spot, designated for deputies, even though she’d never had an apprentice of her own. Would never have an apprentice of her own, now, even though she deserved it more than anything. Even though she’d deserved to stay deputy, but had given the role over with a smile, no hint of dark ambition in her gaze.
Ivypool steps into the deputy position under a brand-new leader with a whisper instead of a bang, the pounding of blood in her ears the only reminder that cats had been here before — that cats had died here before, and that Bramblestar’s first deputy becoming leader was a fluke, an odd quirk of fate. It hasn’t been done in living memory, nor long before that. Leaders do not usually step down, and when they do, they rarely stay with their Clan, or even within reach of their territory. First deputies do not often become leaders in turn. Usually this event is a bittersweet one, with a body or bodies laid out in the clearing, their eyes closed swiftly to avoid the rigor of after-death, but this is almost-peaceful, with only the murmurs of those who could not easily accept change as detractors.
Ivypool will die long before Squirrelstar. She’s—surprisingly okay with this, but she thinks she’s been at peace with her death since before Hollyleaf had stepped between her and a deathblow from one of the only friends she’d ever had.
(“You were my friend!” Ivypool screams in her worst nightmares, Hollyleaf’s blood dripping from her pelt.
“I was never anyone’s friend,” Hawkfrost murmurs in return, something aching-sad in his voice, Hollyleaf’s lifeless form pinned under his claws. “I was born to what I am. We’re the same, you and I.” He pushes the black cat away from his paws with disgust — not for the body, but for Ivypool herself. Blood bubbles from the horrible wound at the corpse’s throat. “She should have been the one,” he says sometimes, in the ones that shatter her already pieced-together heart. “She died in your place.”
“I know,” Ivypool says, and she does know — she knows it more than anyone else alive.)
“It should have been Hollyleaf,” she says to Squirrelstar, quietly, at the end of one of their dusk meetings.
Sorrow flashes in Squirrelstar’s gaze, but it’s buried as soon as it comes. “It’s you,” she says. “It has always been you.”
It is not a truth — not in the way Ivypool remembers them from her childhood — but it is not a lie, either. Hollyleaf chose her, in the way dying deputies might choose their successor. She is always an echo of another cat burned by starlight. It is a comfort, sometimes. In others, she begs the spirit who’d saved her life for mercy, for clemency, until she runs out of breath.
(“I’ll find her,” whispers a voice Ivypool had almost forgotten, in dreams she forgets as soon as she wakes. “I’ll walk the skies ceaselessly, I promise you.”
But there is no bringing Bristlefrost back, and a part of Ivypool has died with her.)
When Ivypool wakes, her Clanmates breathe around her, steadying her rabbit-quick heart. Fernsong’s tail wraps snugly around her flank, Thriftear curled only one nest behind, and she does not lose her breath at the way Flipclaw’s dark tabby stripes curl over his spine. She hasn’t in a long time, she knows, but the impulse is there, sharp as ice underneath her ribs.
(She’d once thought his brown tabby pelt a punishment from the stars. She loves her son, would give her life for him, but the feeling that StarClan may have meted some punishment down in the shade of his pelt remains long after he’s received his warrior name.
She’d begged Bramblestar to give him a suffix that was as unassumingly kind and silly as her son always was. Instead he’d given him -claw, as if to remind her of her failings. She is not sorry to see his form slip into the elders’ den, bereft of the nine lives he’d once so jealously hoarded.)
#ivypool#thunderclan#bristlefrost#squirrelflight#squirrelstar#brambleclaw#bramblestar#flipclaw#thriftear#fernsong#waca#warrior cats#wc#wc fic#thunder spoilers#ivypool's heart#i wrote this a while back and then the erins punched me through a brick wall with that super edition announcement#and i have to wonder if they're using 'heart' because they're trying to erase the OTHER 'heart'#which. yeah. yeah.#crazy how that works#work in progress#if they fridged a woman to fridge another woman i'm going to riot
329 notes
·
View notes
Text
something crazy that’s just crossed my mind is the whole thing of does zelda miss link while she’s stuck in the past? i know the memories don’t do shit all justice to tell us ANYTHING about zelda’s feelings on this whole situation but it does make you wonder. i personally think she misses him like he’s dead
because imagine this. you’ve been trapped in stasis for literally a century. you’ve watched all of your friends and family die. then your knight, the one you watched die in your arms, finally comes back and frees you. you then move into a small house together, it’s not much but it’s honest living. you spruce it up with decorations until you can both stand back and say, “yeah, this feels like home.” you live the next year or so quaintly, travelling around hyrule to restore it to its former glory as best as you can, all within the company of someone you hold closer than a best friend. he’s still there, even though he doesn’t have to be, and follows you ever loyally. you wonder if he’ll ever go his own way, but his insistence on remaining by your side makes you think otherwise.
you believe in the strength of learning, that the children of hyrule need to be better educated in order to solidify a strong future for the kingdom, so you build a school. you hire teachers and organise the school’s curriculum, taking part so much that you become a teacher yourself. he greets you every evening when you come home and plates up dinner already piping hot so you don’t have to worry about it. life continues this way, simple and non exhaustive, living earnestly beside someone who would extinguish the sun if it meant you’d smile. you love him, realistically, and he loves you too.
something stirs under the castle and, like the good princess you are, you go trundling into the depths below with your loyal knight to solve the problem. it bears endless discoveries, things you know you’ll stay up all night studying; things that bring you so much joy that he holds your torch so you can enjoy it without interruption. instead of the torch, he’s soon holding a shattered blade in his bloody hand, arm eaten and burnt raw by something that smells so vile it’s all you can do not to vomit. you watch the world fall into peril once more, and as you do so, you feel yourself falling to the exact same fate. you see the way he throws away legend and jumps after you, knowing that he is also falling to his demise. you see the fear in his eyes, the way tears cling to the corners of them and feel the burn of your own.
his plan was always to die by your side, and he will do it by any means necessary.
you wake up and he’s gone, your world is gone, and you’re somewhere new. two strange people greet you and quickly take you under their wing, and while a new world means endless discoveries, you can’t help but wonder if link is dead. did he kill himself alongside you, only for you to somehow survive and let him fall alone? the thought makes the bile creep up your throat.
who’s to say that, during the period of time where link is unconscious, she isn’t wracked with guilt at the realisation that he may be dead? she’s thousands upon thousands of years in the past, and his body may be the only one laid cold at the bottom of that chasm. would people even remember him? yes, he was the hero of hyrule, but he’d always kept a low profile. humble to a fault, she’d tell him. and the fault may be that if he’s dead, perhaps only her name would grace the lips of hyrule. the survivor’s guilt would eat her whole knowing that he’s died for her twice now.
so you can imagine her relief when she feels the pull of him and his sword. the relief when she can make her vow to him. the relief in knowing that he’s okay, somehow, and that he’s alive above everything else. but now that she knows he’s okay, what’s there left to do? well, miss him, of course. they’re inseparable and very rarely do things without the company of the other, she’s going to miss him like her right arm.
in the day she’s surrounded by people—sonia, rauru, mineru and her army of constructs, plus the rest of the people of this era of hyrule—but come the night, she’s alone. her bed lacks the warmth it used to hold, doesn’t bear the imprint of where her love has slept beside her. she’s painfully, irrefutably alone. she’ll step out onto the balcony of the castle alone and wish he was by her side, wish that she could just speak to him again even for a little while. for as long as she walks this hyrule, there is an overwhelming, gaping hole in her chest. she finds comfort in the presence of sonia, rauru and mineru but there’s only so much they can do. she talks to sonia about him. she talks to rauru about him. she talks to mineru about him. anyone who will listen to her speak of her talented hero, she will talk to.
she rides a construct and thinks of him. a steward construct explains to her the biodiversity of the land and she thinks of him. she spends her nights at her desk, quill in hand and illuminated by candlelight, and writes in her diary as if she’s speaking to him. it cuts her open over and over with every day she has to wake up alone.
when she decides the only thing fate has left in store for her is to become a dragon to aid link in the future, she weeps for days on end. she knows that this is it, everything she’s ever known will be beyond her forever now. she lives on in the skies, but her soul dies here. all those years they spent together building a life together, growing, all for nothing. they were cursed from the very beginning. ever since they fell to the calamity the first time fate has had it out for them. and so her last thoughts while she can still think are of him. she prays for his safety, for his success, and for him to have a happy and long life without her. she weeps knowing she’ll never grow old with him or get to experience the revival of her kingdom. it tears her from the inside out, and she screams even as a dragon at the loss. it’s overwhelming, devastating beyond any weight words could hold. she’s lost everything, lost everyone, and lost herself. she was doomed from the beginning. she was never meant to be happy.
so yes, the ending of totk should’ve been a HELL of a lot more emotionally charged. seeing someone you thought was dead AND that you worried you’d never see again?? she’d be crying for hours in his arms
#zelink analysis#legend of zelda#loz link#loz zelda#tears of the kingdom#zelda and link#zelda x link#zelink#link#princess zelda#zelda tears of the kingdom#totk zelink#totk link#totk spoilers#totk
235 notes
·
View notes
Note
Time dilation with sibling scara. What’s his reaction to reader sleeping for weeks on end and not sleeping for months?
SAGAU SCARAMOUCHE AND TIME DILATION (SLEEPING + HINT OF DAILY LIFE EDITION)
❀ synopsis: Scaramouche pesters you for the 20th time that you need to take a break. Maybe he's right, you have been overworking yourself for quite a while. Maybe a nap is what you need. Btw this is platonic and Scaramouche is a wanderer in this hcs.
❀ pronouns: they/them
He's confused, you're like a rubix cube to him. No matter how many times he twists and turns you there would still be cubes that don't match the color. And to add to that, rubix cubes don't even exist in Teyvat. It's been what? Two months since he noticed that you haven't slept for even a bit, and how sometimes you would doze off when doing basic tasks. There are also times when you would forget to breathe, despite being human. And times when you don't blink for half a day and just stare at whatever you were reading.
Did he forget to mention you don't eat at all? Your body should've been malnourished for not eating any protein or consuming any calcium. But no, you're in perfect condition. Well, you are God. But your body is human the last time he checked.
He would confront you about this like an Asian mom worrying for their child but the parent doesn't know how to show their concern. He threatened that if you don't sleep he will sedate you just so you can close your eyes for once. Not wanting to continue arguing with Scaramouche you agreed and slept at your shared camp.
It wasn't suspicious at first, he thought you were just oversleeping since you haven't slept for a long time. But when he came back from collecting ingredients for lunch and you were still sleeping he was starting to worry. When lunch was made he shook you to wake up, it turns harsher the longer you didn't even move your arm to push him away.
But as the day goes by he starts to worry when the sun is about to set. Why haven't you woken up yet? Is this some sick joke your playing on him? Nahida is the one reassuring him that you will be alright and that it's nothing life-threatening since it seems like your body is in perfect condition. He hopes she's right, you're the first person who stayed with him for this long. He doesn't know what he's going to do with himself if you leave him.
He spends most of his time at the side of your bed, waiting for you to move or open your eyes. Nahida checks you twice a week to see if anything changed in your state, and he would listen to her report to ease himself from his panic and assure himself that your still here with him.
He has definitely cried at one point after weeks of you sleeping. He wanted you to rest, but not like this! What were you thinking?! Is this supposed to spite him? Did you want him to say sorry for yelling at you? Tell him what he did wrong so he can compensate for it, just please wake up...
The moment you do wake up you will be greeted with a very stressed and emotionally constipated Scaramouche. But the moment he does see you awake he is stuck between hugging you and slapping you in the face because how dare you to leave him for so long?
He probably did both, but he slapped you first before hugging you.
He was also holding back tears-
Do him a favor and don't point out how he's this close to crying.
"Y-you idiot! You're so selfish! Why did you worry me like that? I thought you died. If you do that again I'll kill you myself! S-so please don't die before that..."
#🍒sagau#self aware genshin impact#self aware genshin#genshin x reader#genshin cult au#sagau cult au#cult au#sagau x reader#sagau brainrot#genshin sagau#sagau scaramouche#genshin impact x reader#genshin self aware#scaramouche x you#scaramouche x reader
874 notes
·
View notes
Text
You Make Me Feel Safe
Word count: 1k
Pairings: Simon “Ghost” Riley x reader
Warnings: Mentions of blood, implied pain, fluff
Summary: After years of not seeing Simon, he suddenly shows up with no explanation on why he's injured
A/n: I'm sorry if there are spelling errors, I just got my nails don't and I forgot how hard it is to type on your phone.
The hour was late when you heard a loud banging on your door. You were cautious as you walked to the door, not sure of who could be at your apartment at this hour. You were shocked when you looked through the peephole, Simon. You haven't seen him In years what could he possibly want? When you took a closer look at him, a gasp escaped your lips. He was bleeding, his face looked banged up and he was clutching his stomach. You swung the door open, his eyes immediately catching yours. “I need help.”
You sprung into action, rushing to him and helping him inside. It took longer than you anticipated but he was twice your size and only helping you a little, plus he weighed a ton. Simon fell on your couch the second his legs touched it. You rushed back to the door closing and locking it. You didn’t want to deal with any nosy neighbours.
By the time you got back to Simon, he had passed out, that only made you worry more. Given that you had plenty of medical experience you had no issues patching him up. You knew his line of work was dangerous but you didn’t expect it to be like this. It had been about an hour before you were done, your choice stained with his blood. You hadn’t given yourself much time to understand what was happening, pushing all of your worries and thoughts away to focus on saving him.
———
Three days. It had taken three days for Simon to wake up and three days for you completely terrified that he was going to die. You knew better than to take him to a hospital so there was no way of telling if he was going to get an infection or if you missed part of the bullet.
When Simon did wake up he was no help at all, he is talk tried to leave and it took you 30 minutes to convince him he was safer here than wherever the hell he was trying to go. Now he was sitting up, staring at the wall. You tried talking to him but he refused to say a word. No matter what you tried he kept his mouth shut, even when you threw a pillow at his head. You were currently drawing a bath for him, hoping that might help with the pain. All you had to offer him was Advil and Tylenol, you doubted that was doing much.
He didn’t put up much of a fight when you helped him stand up, he only quietly followed you as you led him into the bathroom. You looked away as Simon pulled down his boxers, giving him at least some privacy. Once he was submerged in the tub you grabbed your loofah, pouring soap on it you started washing his body. “Bubbles?” His rough voice met your ears, relief struck you after hearing him speak.
“I used bubble bath stuff, do you have something against bubbles?” You smiled as you leaned over the tub to look at him. He watched as you ran your loofah down his chest, washing away the blood and dirt. Once his body was clean you moved on to watching his hair, giving him a quick kiss on his cheek before pulling away to grab the shampoo. “I missed you,” you let out a disappointed sigh, “Not a single call or text, you didn’t even write a note when you left all those years ago.” You noticed Simon's fists clench in the sides of the tub where they rested. “I thought you might’ve died.” You bit your lip, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill down your cheeks.
“I didn’t,” That was all he said, you wanted to punch him in the face.
“Yeah no shit, jackass,” You rolled your eyes at him and poured a small amount of shampoo into your hand, his hair was already wet so you didn’t have to worry about that. As you started massaging his scalp he relaxed into you. His head rested against the edge of the tub.
“I’m sorry,” Simon murmured, his eyes closed as he enjoyed your hands on him. You let out a deep breath, that was better than nothing. You made sure to be careful not to get any soap in his eyes as you continued to clean his hair. It was a little longer than what you remembered, the ends curling slightly.
“Why did you come here, Simon?” You asked as you fused the soap out of his hair. It was very soft, and so was his skin, besides the many scars.
“I didn’t have anywhere else to go, you were close by,” He sounded like he was holding something back. You knew better than to pry, that would only make him shut down more. “I feel safe with you.”
That comment threw you off. Simon had never been one to admit something like that, it was confusing, to say the least. “I don’t know why, I’m not very good at protecting people, though I’ve never really tried.”
“You saved me, that’s technically protecting me,” there was a small smile on his lips, you had to double-check to make sure you weren’t seeing things. You scoffed at him as you helped him out of the tub. You handed him a towel and then brought him to your room. You handed him a pair of pants that were his size, and after he got dressed you helped him to bed.
Once he was laying down you brought over a chair and placed it next to the bed. You placed a hand on his cheek gently stroking it, “You make me feel safe too, Simon.” You kissed his forehead and watched him drift off into sleep.
#modern warfare 2#mw2#ghost mw2#modern warfare#cod mw#simon riley#ghost x you#ghost#Simon riley fluff#ghost fluff#reader fluff#simon riley x you
661 notes
·
View notes
Text
Twice Reactions
Requested by : @valeria5uwu
You suddenly doing aegyo in front of them
Nayeon
She was disgusted like really she screamed as the baby voice escaped your mouth, covering her ears at the same time. She'll tell you it was scary and that you were like Annabelle. Yes it wasn't nice but when you frown at the doll's name she added that you were way more cute than her though. Which seemed like a backhanded compliment but it didn't matter.
Jungyeon
Jungyeon will 100% act disgusted but you'd catch her trying to mimick your expressions later on in front of the mirror. She'll say it was to make fun of you but you'll know that she's just mad that she can't do it as well as you. You'll end up teaching her and it will turn against you whenever she'll want you to buy her food.
Sana
She bursted out laughing at your cute aegyo, she pinched your cheeks and gave you a small peck before going to her members to tell them what cute actions you just did. She'll be all happy and bubbly for the rest of the day. It really just boosted her happiness. If she ever felt down she'll ask you for aegyo from now on.
Momo
Momo literally gagged seeing you try to act cute, of course she loves you but she hates how people define cuteness. She likes more unusual things, she doesn't care about baby voice or cute actions. You'll have to find what makes her heart flutter if you want to gain anything from your aegyo.
Jihyo
She was extremely surprised when you suddenly called her unnie in a baby voice. You never did that kind of stuff in front of her, in front of anybody actually. It was just so out of character for you that she couldn't believe her ears.
"What did you say ?"
Since it slipped out of your mouth without noticing you'll turn red from embarrassment pretty fast and try to brush it off but she'll never forget.
Mina
Mina didn't say it but she finds it cute, she wouldn't be as excited as some but it would still bring a smile on her face. After all you being cute was her weakness, she'll try to hide it though. She wouldn't want you to use it against her because if you did you clearly could get anything you want from her.
Dahyun
She literally died right there, her soul leaving her body and all of that. She could die for a good aegyo and you just did one in front of her. She'll request an encore once she'll regain her composure, only to be defeated by your second attempt. It'll become a game between the two of you, she'll ask you to talk in a baby and would pretend to die hearing it every time.
Chaeyoung
Chaeyoung looked at you with wide eyes. Yet when you thought she hated it, she suddenly got super excited about it and would ask you to do it again so she can take a video. If you refuse she'll be so sad, you have to do it again if you don't want the biggest smile you ever saw on her face to disappear.
Tzuyu
Tzuyu hates aegyo on a regular basis but there was something about you doing it that'd make her weak. As much as she tries to keep a straight face and pretend she hates it, it's just not true. She'd turn her face the other way to hide her smile and you'll be able tease her with it for hours.
It's been 3 years but here is your request, hope you like it ❤️ -Ael
#kpop girls#girl group#girl group reactions#sana twice#chou tzuyu#mina twice#twice icons#twice#nayeon twice#dahyun twice#jyp twice#momo twice#time to twice#twice chaeyoung#twice dahyun#twice jeongyeon#twice jihyo#twice mina#twice momo#twice nayeon#twice sana#twice tzuyu#minatozaki sana#hirai momo#jihyo twice#kim dahyun#jungyeon#im nayeon#tzuyu#mina myoui
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
𓆩 ღ 𓆪 𝐨𝐝𝐲𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐲
( we carried a heavy responsibility to clear a bright path for everyone else. )
chara : gojo satoru
fandom : jujutsu kaisen
quote cr : path to nowhere
╭┈ DEATH LOVES YOU :
THE ATTENDANCE OF A FUNERAL IS AN ACT OF CRUELTY TO THE SELF : it is a numbness, a harvesting, a ravaging, consuming and consuming and devouring the soul until you are left a living vessel, treading upon the earth with a bleeding heart that leaves crimson and horror in its wake.
the attendance of a funeral is an act of cruelty to the world : what is it, you wonder-- a celebration of death? an honoring to the sacrifice of those who did not have to die? a mourning apology to a youth meant to flourish and thrive in years cut short?
twice does the deceased die in this ritual : once, when they succumb to the massacre, because in this world, there is simply no other way to die, no peaceful means of passing. twice, when they are lowered into the ground, their burial site yet another number in this land of graves.
once do the attendees die in this ritual : once, when they realize they have lost a friend, a piece of the soul, a part of found family.
how many times have you died? you bow your head, but it is not out of respect, but habit. satoru bows his head as well. perhaps he means it.
you stare at the ground, wonder how many bodies you stand over. how many people do you know here in this moment that lie in the ground, cold and dead? nearly forgotten, only remembered in the nightmares that follow you into slumber.
you do not lift your gaze. not until the funeral is over, not until the crowd has dispersed, not until satoru grabs your hand and gently guides you back to the home you share.
neither of you speak. you cannot bring yourself to, an absence heavy in your heart. he knows this, so he says nothing, only dragging you to bed before lying with you. he tugs the blankets over both of you, the heat of his body against yours a familiar feeling. you have often found comfort in his arms, but today, it brings you a painful, recurring dread that you do not understand -- not because you cannot understand it, but because you don't want to.
because you know what this dread means, because you know that your body is instinctively warning you of the road ahead.
you wonder how many times you have died. you wonder when it will be, the final ending of your life. it would not mean anything, you think-- it would be another funeral, another gloomy day that will be overlooked eventually. but that's alright. it should be that way. your death cannot and should not contribute to a grief that another would carry for a second too long. it is easier to be forgotten in this life, anyway.
but what happens when satoru dies? he has encountered death many times before, died many times before. but what happens when he is erased entirely, both in body and mind? his end would signify the ending to all : the end of him, of you, of everyone.
there would be no funeral for him. it would be too late. his death would bring the collision of everyone's lives-- and how everything would crash and burn until there was nothing left, until there would be no one left.
no one. emptiness. no one to bury him, no one to stand before his grave and weep. not even you.
what a very painful and lonely road that would be, you think.
"i will never go to your funeral, satoru." you whisper, and you feel him freeze at those words, though the blue in his eyes remains clear, the shore untouched by muddled waters.
"why's that?" he asks. his voice is lighthearted, but even you can sense that it is not entirely genuine. he kisses your forehead, continues on. "because you'll be too mad at me for dying? or because i won't die?"
"because you can't die." you murmur, and there's something in the way your voice cracks that makes him hold you even closer. it's selfish, you know-- it's so damn selfish, this weight and burden on his shoulders. the world is already miserable enough, the fight to do good, to be good, a losing battle. you cannot lose him or else everyone will lose. "the road to damnation begins in your death. if you die, then--"
satoru grins.
"who said i was gonna die?" he pinches your cheek softly, almost teasingly, before he kisses your forehead once more. "-- and that's what you're worried about? not you being lonely?"
his grin turns into something a little sadder, something a little unreadable. but it's still there, and so is he. so is he.
"i'm not going anywhere. i'm too hard to kill, you know? too handsome to tragically die." another kiss, but this time, his lips meet yours. "i won't leave you." he murmurs, and he says it over and over again until you almost want to believe him.
-- but all things must end in terrible tragedy, and neither of you are an exception. you have both died a thousand times over, but one day, you will reach finality, meet your ending in heaven or hell, and when that day comes, the end to all things will come, too.
╰┈ DO YOU LOVE ME , TOO?
#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#back again w the abstract writing !! this doesn't make sense but i like it anyway . teehee#.: writing
119 notes
·
View notes
Text
♡ Naga Pauline ♡
(I had so much to say about this but i had to stop myself from making this way too long. Anyways let me know your thoughts, I personally really liked this.)
♡ None of the workers could even remember why it had occurred, anyone who had been there at the time so it wasn't like anyone could gossip about it. The heir to the Rhune family grew a snake tail and scales all over her body over night seemingly and thus was doomed to be locked in her room, kept away from anyone she could potentially hurt and brought her meals once a day when she was supposed to be sleeping. Afterall they only heard her slithering and throwing things at night so surely she must be nocturnal. Except they never really bothered to check, if they had you wouldn't have been in this predicament. ♡
♡ The head maid always told you that when you brought the creature her food you should stay at the edge of the door and not into the room fully even if she is asleep all day. You however felt too bad leaving her food on the ground and decided to see it she had a table there you could set it, she wasn't an animal after all and once her parents died, which personally you were beginning to feel they did deserve to die quickly, she would be your boss so against all rational judgement you stepped into the room and as soon as you stepped in, she caught you. ♡
"Like what the hell are you doing in here! Get out!" Despite saying that she had she tightly held in her coils, like she was afraid to let you go and end the only human contact she'd had in a very long time. She'd started to pretend to be nocturnal anyways just so people would crack the door during the day to give her food. She liked the slight bit of sunlight, it was so cold in her room given her parents had even boarded up the windows to keep people from looking in and although she was supposed to receive lantern oil the other maids were often too focused on skittering out and forgot to give her even the barest of supplies, though who could blame them when her parents told everyone she's extremely dangerous.
"I brought f-food!" You pointed towards the food you'd sent on her nightstand, it was the only thing she hadn't destroyed yet, mostly because it was bolted to the ground and she didn't want to go through that struggle. This was... nice she decided, yes nice was the word for it and while she felt annoyed that her first kindness in years was from a maid, she fought back the urge to lash out.
"Sit down and eat with me or whatever." You looked at her in surprise, this was supposed to be her only serving for the entire day, why was she allowing you to have some. "It's like fine or whatever, just make sure to bring me another helping later today." You nodded and scurried to sit next to her on her mattress.
♡ It became a regular occurence after that, eating food with her twice a day, once when you were sent to give her food and then a secret time on your break when you snuck into her room, sometimes bringing sweets or even a couple cups of tea one time, those had been particularly hard to sneak in but you'd seen how cold she was in her room and figured something warm would be nice. ♡
♡ Most days she forced you to sit in the center of what appeared to be her nest of blankets as she sat on the outskirts like she was guarding it as she ate, only beginning to eat once she'd seen you eat most of yours, as if to prolong the amount of time you spent with her. Other days when she felt more bold she curled her tail and forced you to sit in the spiral, scoffing at you to be grateful for the privilege though you could tell she was quite pleased with the contact. ♡
"Where were you? it's totally not cool to blow me off like that!" You'd been sick for a couple days and were forced to stay in the maid's quarters until you recovered, the head maid insisted, you were the only one brave enough to feed the creature more than once a day and so they had to make sure you recovered. You had wanted to slip out and let her know however they refused to let you leave your bed until you could at least fake it and pretend to feel perfectly fine.
"I'm sorry ma'am I was ill and due to the secret nature of our agreement I couldn't tell anyone to inform you." You bowed your head low in shame, you were supposed to be her personal maid as she had told you countless times before and yet you allowed this to happen.
"It's like not okay, my sleep was disrupted by this, I expect you to make thisssss up." She hissed for emphasize at the end which was actually really cute considering you knew she didn't really hiss unless on purpose. When she acted like that you really did want to do everything for her, screw the others who couldn't see how soft she still was.
♡ After that you napped in the little blanket nest with her everyday, you at the center, surrounded and supported by her coils, it was just to get warm so don't get the wrong impression, she had said but it was still nice all the same. She just felt extremely calming to be around and soon you wanted to sleep in her room whenever you slept even though it wouldn't be appropriate etiquette as her maid but to be honest you felt your etiquette was far more appropriate than any of the other maids. ♡
♡ She has insisted you bring your belongings into her room and just rest there from now on, she'd slip a note under the door pretending she had wrote it at night saying she wanted you to sleep in the room next to hers so she could ring for food and since no one came to that wing no one would even notice you were sleeping in her room, or so you had thought. ♡
You woke up to hissing from Pauline which wasn't super unusual since any time she had a bad dream she would hiss as if trying to scare the dream away, what had been unusual however was the volume of the hissing, it was clear she was fully awake and you were a bit scared to open your eyes since whatever Pauline felt threatened by must be pretty severe. Still you forced them to open and almost shat yourself when you saw her parents standing and smiling in the doorway.
"Now now, don't be like that Pauline, we're very happy you seem to have found a lover, you may be able to reenter society yet. You'll have to learn to act like a proper heir once again if you want us to allow you to keep this maid of yours." Her father looked over at you and gestured for you to get up and follow him but Pauline coiled her tail around you further.
"Fine keep her for now, you do need to grow up at some point today so we can have a conversation about your futures together. Also you there, you're fired." It did make sense considering how inappropriate this was however it still stung. You didn't think you'd have to actually worry though based on how tightly Pauline was holding you, only relaxing slightly when they left the room.
♡ Things changed almost an hour after they had caught the both of you napping together, although the maids were shaking like a leaf they still opened the door calmly, ignoring Pauline's hisses and screeches for them to get the fuck out and started to replace furniture and bring in new lamps though they dared not venture to the side of the room where the bed was for fear of upsetting her time with her supposed mate. ♡
♡ She had also decided the two of you would be lovers, it would be the best way to show everyone she was a true Rhune, they doubted her now with how monsterous she was but once they saw the fierce overprotectiveness of her lover, they would have to accept that like it or not, she is the heir to her family. Though that did seem made up considering how quickly she dove into kissing you as soon as you had agreed to her agreement. Biting your lip and hissing out all the rules you'd have to follow being hers, she wasn't going to let you serve her anymore, you needed to be treated with all the dignity the wife of the Rhune heir should be treated with. Those asshole maids would serve you from now on. They should consider themselves very privileged for this.♡
"Be still idiot, I need to figure out how these things work." A bold face lie in attempt to pretend this wasn't just an excuse to have sex with you however you knew better than to call her on her bluff. You had pleaded with her to just go with the one but she'd called you a stupid coward and continued with her plans anyways. She kept her face away from your shoulder to avoid nipping you, it would be awful if she poisoned you while her dicks were literally inside of you. She didn't exactly love the idea of having to explain to the family healer what had occured.
"Please be gentle with me?" You stroked her hair gently breathing a sigh of relief as her hips faltered for a moment only for them to quickly pick up speed again, her tail pinning your legs and preventing you from doing anything but take it.
"Dumbass," She huffed, pressing her forehead against your shoulder, still fighting to keep her fangs away, "It's like you want me to hurt you when you say stupid ass things like that."
♡ Now that the both of you had mated she was far more aggressive with everyone who even dared enter your chambers and she had forced her parents out of their room with some subtle threats because as the heir and the heir's lover you deserved the fanciest, nicest room in the house. They were just grateful she wasn't going to kill them in retaliation and relented very quickly. Her aggressive new attitude had lead to what had been her favorite discovery yet. ♡
♡ It had been just a small nip, trying to hurt you for daring to speak to the maids kindly when the only one who had been with you this entire time was her, the only one who deserves any kindness is her, not those dreadful maids. She figured she'd get you healed and then you'd learn your lesson but instead you'd become woozy and all so pliant. ♡
"Paulieeee...." You ran your hands through her hair gentle, pouting because she was too far away for you to kiss. "Pauliee, kissy." She scoffed, enjoying how weak and needy you became any time she ate you out but especially when she happened to give you a small bite of venom before she did so. Her cocks rutted furiously against the bed however it was mealtime so those could be dealt with later.
"It's like you want me to starve. You'll get your stupid 'kissy' later." You scowled at her calling it stupid especially when you knew how much she loved kissing you, especially when you were so tired like this, she did it nearly constantly. Still you sighed and realized your legs allowing her to continue her 'mealtime' as she often put it.
♡ Slowly the maids around the both of your slowly begun to disappear, likely murdered for disrespecting the heir despite her status as heit being unsure only a short time ago but honestly you couldn't really bring yourself to care, your only duty is to keep your master happy and stress free so does it matter what happens to others? ♡
#yandere oc#yandere lesbian#yandere x reader#yandere x y/n#yandere asks#yandere scenarios#my oc pauline
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
UDLTTOM Worldbuilding rambles: UNFORGIVABLE CURSES—Why are the so unforgivable?
This is a thought that’s been bouncing around in my head for awhile. (It’s going to be a little rambling.) You know that saying that a person dies twice, first when they die, and second when the last time someone says their name. Well, this thought is sort of a mix of that and some sort of personal philosophical views on death that I have. I’ve reasoned to myself that there are 3 different sides to death, not just two. Essentially, when I think of death, I separate it into the following 3 parts:
Death of the Body: The most visceral and visible of the three, it’s the physical process of the body wearing out and shutting down. It’s a disconnecting from one’s own flesh, an inability to do what you once could, aches and pains, paralysis, etc.
Death of the Mind: Not as noticeable as the body shutting down, but the mind also shuts downs during death slurred speech, loss of awareness/memories, in ability to distinguish reality from disillusions, etc.
Death of the Soul/Spirit/Will-to-Live: Most common example of this I can think of is chronic depression or someone suffering through extreme, physical, emotional, or psychological trauma. Essentially it’s someone who’s given up on life spiritually, but might still mentally and physically still be able to function.
Over the last year, I’ve been thinking a lot about these 3 facets of death. I’ve watched my mother go through them as she battles terminal cancer. And I guess maybe I had a sort of epiphany when I started thinking about this in relation to the Unforgivables in HP.
Why are they so unforgivable?
At the surface level they seem like kind of basic spells, right? The killing curse kills, the torture curse causes pain, the mind control curse controls peoples’ minds, yada… And I think most people agree that killing, torturing, and controlling people is morally reprehensible and just on that context alone we as the reader can understand why they are illegal. But then you see other spells or potions that kill, and torture, and control people and you wonder why these sort of spells aren’t treated with the same severity as the Unforgivables.
So why? I asked myself: What makes the Unforgivables so Unforgivable? And then I thought about Neville’s parents and the after effects of the Cruciatus and how they had to be held in St. Mungos for the rest of their lives. On the surface my first assumption was that they were obviously driven to madness from the hours of torture, and suffering from severe PTSD, paranoia, etc. But what if the cruciatus has physical symptoms? What if the reason Neville’s parents had to be kept in a wizard equivalent to a psychiatric ward was not only because the trauma but because the spell altered something fundamentally about their bodies in relation to pain?
Which brings me to my first theory. That the cruciatus curse’s intention is not to cause pain. I propose that, in fact, it does the exact opposite under long durations. Cause think about it, the body can only handle so much pain before a person goes into shock or passes out, right? And a person’s tolerance to pain can also increase with repeated exposure to it. So following that logic, I think the cruciatus curse would only hurt for like a few minutes at most before the body would go into shock. And once the body is in shock I think something funny would happen with the pain and pleasure centers in the brain (I’m no neurologist btw, but what little I know of this sounds plausible to me) that the wires could get crossed and the body would start associating pain for pleasure. And afterwards I feel like when your nerves get fried in a fire and it creates a numbness in the body, a detachment from one’s own flesh that can only be relieved by experiencing intense pain. Except the person doesn’t actually associate the pain as being painful, but with pleasure and so they develop a compulsion for self-harm and self-mutilation. Which adds such a horrific context on to this curse. Because this compulsion is incurable. The brain has been irreversible rewired to associate pain in this way, so either you go through life being physically numb unable to feel your own body or chasing some kind of feeling through torturing yourself.
And jumping off of this thought, I then considered if the cruciatus disconnects you from your body, the Imperius curse has to disconnect you from your mind, right? I think you have some sort of awareness when you’re under the imperius to be able to resist it. But again maybe that’s only for the particularly resilient wizards? It makes sense to me that for most it would be like a total blackout, dissociative state. So prolonged exposure I think would not only effect short and long term memory, but also a persons ability to be fully present in their day to day life. I think of the after effects being similar to a dissociative disorder where the person is constantly being disconnected from their own conscious reality.
And finally there’s the Killing curse, which rips the soul from the body causing the person to just drop dead. And obviously because the person dies there’s no real after effect, right? But then I remember that scene with Slughorn and TMR discussing horcruxes:
TMR: And how does one split his soul, sir?
Slughorn: I think you already know the answer to that, Tom.
TMR: Murder.
Slughorn: Yes. Killing rips the soul apart. It’s a violation against nature.
Which my first thought seeing this scene is that if Slughorn thinks killing is a violation against nature, he’s clearly never watched a nature documentary. I mean if Casual Geographic has taught me anything is that the animal kingdom is naturally violent and the kind of shit animals get up to in their spare time is what would put any human in prison on a life sentence, but I digress. So I had to think about this from a different perspective. So then I think about what the purpose of Horcruxes is, to split the soul and place it into object and tether yourself to the physical world. And what curse do we know that severs the soul?
The killing curse. Slughorn says killing rips the soul. But I think Tom misinterprets this to mean murder, when the professors is in fact talking about the killing curse itself. And what we know from the Unforgivables is that you have to mean them to successfully cast them. So following that line of thought, in relation to LV’s horcruxes, Tom would’ve had to cast the killing curse on himself repeatedly. Which means that Tom Riddle had to have an incredible sense of self-loathing, and there had to be something—a personality trait or the like—that he despised so much that he wanted to kill it and cleave it from himself forever. Which in that context, suddenly Slughorn’s words make a bit more sense because suicide is going against that inate survival instinct that all animals have. And for Tom in particular, it squaring up and facing the one thing he is most afraid of (which might explain why it took him so long to make the first horcrux to begin with.)
And the degradation of Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort as he makes more and more horcruxes is the effect of the killing curse & why it is so unforgivable.
I have so many thoughts on this topic of horcruxes & Tom’s deeply ingrained feelings of self-loathing, but I’ll probably save those for another post.
#udlttom#udlttom worldbuilding rambles#tom riddle#lord voldemort#unforgivable curses#horcrux#tomarry#harry potter#tomarrymort#hp fandom#harry potter meta#headcanon
67 notes
·
View notes
Note
Weeping clown and Mike falling for a modern reader? Please i missed you!!
hmmm i love the circus gang so much you have no idea
Character(s): Acrobat, Weeping Clown
Content: modern reader hcs
A/N: I am almost sure that I got this request before I went on summer break because it looked SUPER familiar. However, when I opened my requests again, my inbox was empty. So I think this was either sent in twice or was eaten by Tumblr. Either way, here it is
Mike
You’re from the future?! That’s so cool?!?
Listen, he may be traumatized as hell from having to identify a dozen burned dead bodies, losing his home and all his family, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be excited about literal time travel.
Asks you about everything. Every fucking thing. The villain arc will be temporarily delayed.
Well, once the excitement dies down somewhat you’ll still have to deal with the fact that out of the five stages of grief, this man is stuck in anger. But that’s for later to deal with
Would love to see a spring base cotton candy machine
Would love to have witnessed modern cinema
and all those crazy carnival rides nowadays? How did no one die riding those. From what you describe, everyone in the future must be crazy
He treats the reality you come from much more like a story in a fantasy book rather than an actual possibility
Not to say he doesn't believe you, he just can't quite picture it. It sounds exciting though, certainly does
He listens to you talk about your timeline like a child listening to a bedtime story. Outside of that though, he will ignore it entirely.
This occasionally leads to moments where he just does not understand that you have different views or opinions on things based on the knowledge and standards of your varying times.
This sometimes even extends to scientific discoveries, but not as often because he doesn't care for science much
He also doesn't think about what might be or could be or would be in the future. You're probably never going to leave the manor anyway, so who cares which time you'd end up in
It doesn't matter to him, because he has nothing to go back to in his, and nothing to look forward to in your timeline. He has nothing. No matter where he ends up, he'd have to start over. Start from scratch. As long as he's in the manor, with you, the two of you will at least have that.
That's not so bad, is it?
Weeping Clown
Initially very confused about the fact that you came from literally another century
He’s more hesitant with his questions, more focused on trying to understand you and the world you come from rather than be entertained by all the changes that happened.
Honestly, I could see him at some point just being over the fact that you’re from a different time. Like, once he knows all he needs to know it doesn’t matter to him much anymore. Sure, your circumstances and the ideals and standards you grew up with majorly influenced you, and helped to shape you into the magnificent, amazing human being he loves so much but that’s all that matters to him: Who you are right now.
Would definitely love to see this Youtube thing you keep going on about though. He’s very intrigued
Finds that clowns aren't exactly popular anymore so maybe it's good that he lived in the times when he lived because boy would he have lost his job fast
However, apparently, no one can just go out and buy acid anymore, so that's definitely a plus
Based on what you told him, circus 'culture' changed a lot. Not it's more about performance and tricks than wild animals and laughing at 'grotesque' humans.
He thinks it makes sense then that you are as kind as you are, the time you come from is much kinder as well.
But still, he thinks that, if one day you get out of the manor, and maybe get to leave together to witness your time, then he would feel terribly out of place. Your eyes shine whenever you excitedly talk about the advancements of the future, all the good things in your world. All those are things he wouldn't understand. Perhaps it's better then, that you are trapped here. Because at least you are trapped here together, as opposed to a future where inevitably, he'd end up left behind.
#idv x reader#identity v x reader#mike morton x reader#weeping clown x reader#idv acroat x reader#idv weeping clown x reader
142 notes
·
View notes
Text
arc 8 ottosuba and mutually assured destruction (devotion)
basically i wanna talk about this again but more Specifically bc they are gonna fuck each other over so fucking bad. like this is the most disastrous combo of all time. you got natsuki subaru who has rbd AND a suicide pill in his fucking mouth that he can use at any time AND he will die as many times as it takes to save Anyone he cares about. and then you pair him with otto suwen, aka a devoted little freak whos willing to let entire countries and millions of people, including people subaru cares about, die to save subaru. and otto has died for subaru twice now and will gladly do so again on top of that. they are the absolute worst combo of all time bc natsuki "ill save you no matter how many times i die" subaru and otto "i would let anyone and anything die to save you" suwen are inevitably going to come into conflict. otto wont let subaru die at any cost but subaru having rbd means that hes gonna win no matter what. hes gonna get what he wants. hes gonna die and theres nothing otto can do to stop it. and even if otto does stop subaru, its a lose lose bc either subaru dies and uses the info he got to beat otto next time, or subaru and otto end up having more fights with each other anyway, or otto does end up stopping subaru in some way (example: otto wanting louis to die) and subaru gets pissed at him over it, or all the otto permadeath flags end up being real and otto dies permanently and subarus gonna be destroyed and i bet ottos still gonna be like "i told you we shouldve left vollachia when we had the chance" on his literal deathbed bc him permadying proves his literal point this whole arc. and subaru can save otto all he wants but if otto ever figures out this hurts subaru in any way ottos never going to get over it. hes gonna be upset and pissed forever. there is no winning with these two. their devotion is violent and theyve literally found their match in each other. bc their devotion strips the other person of their own free will and choice in the manner bc they keep saying "no. i have to save you no matter what, even if you get upset at what im doing and even if i do all of this behind your back without ever telling you." and if they keep being stubborn theyre just gonna end up dragging each other down - which is the exact opposite of their goals to save each other. they are likely going to kill each other by the end of this, metaphorically or not. and its going to be because of love. do you understand. how do you save someone who wants to save you first. how do you save someone whos devoted themselves to you, body and soul, in the most violent way possible.
also if otto manages to read the tome once its restored... he's gonna figure out rbd.
#rezero#otto suwen#natsuki subaru#arc 8 spoilers#yes i KNOW another ottosuba post but i need u to know this ok. their devotion is so so bad its like theyre looking in a mirror. they found#another person thats just as insane as they are about this. not that the other people subarus close with Arent capable of being like this#but ottos like. the person thats Readily going out of his way to be insane about it. does that make sense. this is what roswaal was telling#otto about. opposing emisuba is a toxin. its gonna kill him. we're already seeing the beginnings of this bc we Know ottos a hypocritical#ass who wants to sacrifice anything for subarus sake but of course subarus not allowed to do the same for him. except subaru wouldnt like#otto doing this and then subaru sacrifices himself for otto bc subaru would do that for all of his loved ones. its a CYCLE its a LOOP...#i have many thoughts on what would happen if only otto specifically figured out rbd but i suppose i could leave that for another post.#bc its one thing if otto finds out abt rbd with a group of people. its another thing if only HE finds out bc then hes gonna handle it#differently. make whole plans. etc etc.#also YES otto of course wants and Will comfort subaru whenever he can but theres no denying he will be upset and pissed about rbd. not just#bc subarus reckless but also bc its Unfair to subaru to have such a horrifying power. but also otto knows that power is why subarus still#here. its complicated.
52 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok my real unpopular jgy opinion is that if i had read the novel first, i would have h a t e d him, specifically because of how the situation with nmj is different. the thing he does in the novel, where he stabs himself to get nmj to drop his guard so he can get away, i fucking hate when people do that shit. my brother used to do that to me when he was mad at me and wanted me to get in trouble. literally would throw himself down the stairs or rip off a scab so he was bleeding, then start bawling his brains out until parents showed up and say i did it, and it always worked.
and then, after that, it makes a lot of sense why nmj doesn’t buy it when jgy is injured, socially, physically, emotionally, and trying to argue for leniency based on his being injured. because the last time this happened, he saw jgy injure himself to make himself more sympathetic, and then took the opening that generated and ran with it. i would not buy someone’s sob story after i watched them do that! it makes sense to look at a similar scenario and think maybe that person is up to something again! and the “oh, but you know How He Is :( he just Won’t Listen :’(” is, again, something I’ve been on the receiving end of, and I hate it when people do that.
however, the cql relationship is immensely sympathetic to me, especially at the time i first watched the show. like. boss who sets you up to fail by putting you in a position of authority that a) makes sense with your skills but b) other people will think is arbitrary and then doing nothing to help you gain the respect of others you need to do your job, and unintentionally undermining you? co-workers blatantly fucking you over because they don’t respect you, and credit for your work and the success you managed to eke out despite everyone else being colossal fuckwads the entire way getting taken by and attributed to others? sometimes the fuckwads in cheif?? and then meanwhile boss is telling you not to complain and occasionally tromping in to make things worse by waving his authority around, instead of doing what you asked which would have actually been helpful?? and when you finally snap and do something about the fuckwads, somehow you are the bad person in this scenario, despite everything that you and your boss both know you have done for him, at great expense to yourself, despite what you both know he owes you?
See that is some good shit. I want to be cql meng yao’s union rep. not only will i buy him a drink and help him hide the body, i will switch his boss’s cologne with poison ivy juice.
And then nmj fixating on him and blaming him for everything for no good reason AFTER JGY SAVES HIS LIFE NOT ONCE BUT TWICE and ALMOST DIES one of those times! and just expecting him to periodically absorb his (very dangerous and painful!) rage like it’s nbd and if jgy has a problem with that it’s further proof it’s all his fault? defending jgy on tumblr is not enough i require a weapon etc.
so like. yeah i know in the novel the music doesn’t start until after the kick and in cql the implication that it does is supposed to make jgy more evil but, a) the implication is weak as shit upon further examination (intentionally? no. but what they did was leave a lot of room for doubt about the whole sequence they present) and more importantly b) because of everything above, i actually think it’s fine and sexy and cool and progressive of jgy to start the evil music before the stairs, because it was clear before that that this was going in that direction, and what nmj puts him through despite everything jgy did for him is enough to drive most people to “ok die then” i think.
#untamed stuff#shameless jiggy apologism#every day i lose more respect for nie mingjue#probably going to spark some posts lamenting how show fans#just dont understand themes and literature#but like. all adaptations give you different versions of characters#because the nature of a character is that who they are in performance#is determined as much by who is playing them as by the text#and i don't think that#how close literally was this adaptation to the text#is the most interesting question when determining an adaptations worth#sorry#it's the shakespeare background what can i say it ruined me for fandom forever
106 notes
·
View notes
Text
BLUE LOCK MEN AS BREAKUP SONGS pt3
📌 barou shoei, karasu tabito, niko ikki, gagamuru gin, raichi jingo, zantetsu tsurugi, tokimitsu aoshi
︶ ︶ ︶ ୨୧ ︶ ︶ ︶ warnings- breakup songs that I think suits the Blue Lock boys. (pt1 here, pt2 here .open requests!)
★BAROU SHOEI- BIGGER THAN WHOLE SKY/ TAYLOR SWIFT
Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness 'Cause it's all over now All out to sea Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye You were bigger than the whole sky You were more than just a short time And I've got a lot to pine about I've got a lot to live without I'm never gonna meet What could've been, would've been What should've been you What could've been, would've been you Did some force take you because I didn't pray?....
❱KARASU TABITO- LIE TO ME/ 5SOS
I saw you looking brand new overnight And I caught you looking too, but you didn't look twice You look happy, oh, Flashing back to New York City Changing flights so you stay with me Remember thinking that I got this right And now I wish we never met 'Cause you're too hard to forget While I'm cleaning up your mess I know he's taking off your dress And I know that you don't But if I ask you if you love me I hope you lie, lie, lie, lie to me It's 3:00 a.m. and the moonlight's testing me (Ah) If I can make it to dawn, then it won't be hard to see (Ah) I ain't happy, oh And I know that you don't But if I ask you if you love me I hope you lie, lie, lie, lie to me....
✦NIKO IKKI- WHAT ONCE WAS/ HER'S
I guess I knew this would happen to you Inside I did, but I refuse to know the truth I'm heading back inside to sit at home with you I think I know what's wrong Baby, I've been there before I was at the point where all I really wanted was someone And now I'm still hanging on I was at the end of every tether waiting for what once was Tell me all important stuff What's your favorite colour? What makes you so tough? Please don't let go when you've had enough I'm on my knees...
✿GAGAMARU GIN- WHEN THE PARTY'S OVER/ BILLIE EILISH
Don't you know I'm no good for you? I've learned to lose, you can't afford to Tore my shirt to stop you bleeding But nothin' ever stops you leaving Quiet when I'm coming home And I'm on my own I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that Don't you know too much already? I'll only hurt you if you let me Call me friend, but keep me closer (Call me back) And I'll call you when the party's over...
𒀭࣪RAICHI JINGO- CIRCLES/ POST MALONE
Seasons change and our love went cold Feed the flame 'cause we can't let it go Run away, but we're running in circles Run away, run away I dare you to do something I'm waiting on you again So I don't take the blame Run away, but we're running in circles Run away, run away, run away Let go I got a feeling that it's time to let go...
♡ZANTETSU TSURUGI- WANT YOU BACK/ 5SOS
Can't help but wondering if this Is the last time that I'll see your face Is it tears or just the fucking rain? Wish I could say something Something that doesn't sound insane But lately, I don't trust my brain You tell me I won't ever change So I just say nothing No matter where I go I'm always gonna want you back No matter how long you're gone I'm always gonna want you back I know you know I will never get over you No matter where I go I'm always gonna want you back Want you back...
✿TOKIMITSU AOSHI- ALL I WANT/ KODALINE
All I want is nothing more To hear you knocking at my door 'Cause if I could see your face once more I could die a happy man, I'm sure When you said your last goodbye I died a little bit inside I lay in tears in bed all night Alone, without you by my side But if you loved me Why'd you leave me? Take my body...
#bllk imagines#blue lock x reader#blue lock headcanons#blue lock#barou shouei#gagamaru gin#karasu tabito#niko ikki#tokimitsu aoshi#raichi jingo#tsurugi zantetsu#bllk
57 notes
·
View notes
Text
Imagine being Sam's twin with abilities of your own: Pt. 5
Your phone begins to buzz. You let it ring. Once, twice, before you worry.
"Y/n?" It's not Deans voice. All the anger rushes out of your body. You picture him beside you. What he'd be wearing, what he'd be doing. Imagining how close your hands are to one another. You say his name, wondering if it's really him. The fantasy ends. All you can see, all you remember, are the claw marks in his chest. The blood ran from the corner of his mouth, staining his teeth. He smiles at you, and his mouth is full of red. A gaping wound. He chokes on it, gurgling. He's trying to talk to you, to say something, but that's all that comes out. Over the phone, he says your name again. He sounds like he's smiling. "I miss you."
You can hear your own voice. It's alien. It's apologizing. Over and over. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. It's the first time you've cried for him after you died. Hysterical. Inconsolable. Like a child. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve to die there. You didn't deserve to die at all. You're screaming into the phone, fists balled, every emotion you've kept bottled up pouring out of you. It's too heavy to hold. The glass is too thin. Andy is gone, and you can't help yourself.
You fall apart.
He tries to console you. He makes his jokes. He laughs like he used to. You missed him. You missed this. Before you know it, you're telling him about the fight. About Dean's deal that saved you and Sammy. He tells you it would be easy. So easy. To be with him, to come to him. You know this isn't really Andy. You know that this demon has been plaguing this town. The dead wife, the dead mother, even your own father was calling Dean. Now Andy.
He's begging you. Please, please. It'd be so easy. You know it would be. You can feel something in you start to stir at the thought. You'd be gone. Gone for good. To disappear and never come back. It's just another demon, but maybe there's some truth to it. Maybe you'd see him again. Maybe you wouldn't have to feel like this anymore. "Y/n, are you still there?" He's crying now. You never heard Andy cry, not even when he was dying. It crushes you.
"I'm sorry," You say again. "I can't. I love you, but I can't."
"Where were you?" Bruises blossom across their skin, the two of them. Your brothers take note of your bloodshot eyes, but they don't say a thing. You shrug. You wait for the phone to ring again. You will it to. It won't, though. Sammy took care of the demon. He took care of everything. You and Dean, you lived in the past for a little while. Sam let you. Foolish. Naive. It wasn't Andy. It wasn't Dad. But you could pretend.
#sam winchester#sam winchester imagine#dean winchester#dean winchester imagine#supernatural#supernatural imagine#series#ennasfavorites
11 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
chasingstarliight
think happy thoughts
wario-speedwagon
a pun a day keeps the world astray
matchandelure
doodle boop boop
alsh3ab
Untitled
goatriponline
Untitled