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The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 4x19 “Who Knows”

It’s time for another twin recap of The Fosters, featuring me (not in italics) on general plot and adoption related things and @tarajean621 (in italics) on Jesus and brain injury representation.

Who Is This? Oh no one, Callie. Just Russell, Diamond’s pimp…

What Was This Letter Doing in Your Pocket? Nothing! You know, Jesus just was telling Brandon what a good brother he was, so Brandon reciprocated and Jesus thought better of frisking him… (Also, it’s so horrifying that now, Brandon, Grandma, Mariana and Moms all know about Emma’s abortion, but Jesus still does not…)

Are You Gonna Tell Jesus?/I Think...That’s Our Choice?/I Think So: I hate that Jesus is being left out of this discussion, but what else is new?

That’s My Department. What Should I Look For?/I Would Say a Hardwood Tree, Right?/Yeah, Like an Oak or a Walnut: So, I love that this project is a thing. But I hate that it is still Jesus’s fake senior project. I am glad that we can still hear that aphasia impacts Jesus’s speech. (I also noticed his prism glasses in his hand - not being worn despite one of the moms saying that he would have to wear them for a bit longer. And while some disabled people do not need or use their glasses/braces/crutches/canes/wheelchairs 24/7, it seems that in this episode, the glasses and cane are nothing but a visual reminder for the audience. They exist as little more than set dressing.)

Also, we get to see how Gabe interacts with Jesus post-injury for the first time. And while Jesus stumbling over words seems to make Gabe momentarily uncomfortable, he is able to keep the conversation going and not make it a huge deal.

Isabella, This Is Gabe/You’ve Never Met Her? How heartbreaking, seeing Jesus and Mariana’s reaction to Ana and Gabe with Isabella. And hearing Ana talk about dropping her off at daycare when the twins know how they were treated by her as babies? It’s all in their eyes as they look at each other. Mariana can’t even hang around after that intro.

Have You Gotten Any Help From a Doctor?/They Put You on Pills...Screw You Up More/Yeah, I See That: Totally a valid choice, Gabe. Not ideal for Jesus to hear, though.

Makeunder: Callie is not having these people tell her what to do with her hair, her body, her face.

If They Find Out How You Got That Toothbrush/I Found It In His Garbage Bin on the Street: That’s kind of like saying you broke into his house, but different, Callie...

Does It Ever Make You Feel Bad? Seeing Ana With Isabella? How Good of a Mom She is to Her?/No, I Don’t Think About It: I’m so glad that Mariana feels like she can talk to Jesus about these feelings, and contrary to what Jesus says here, his face tells a whole different story. It has since they saw Gabe, Ana and Isabella together...seems like, maybe he can’t think about it, or it will hurt too much.

Do You Remember Ana Leaving Us Alone in Our Crib When We Were Babies? For a Whole Day or More?/Yeah...I Had a Dream About It. We Were in Our Crib and You Were Crying. I Was Trying to Take Care of You: How devastating. As much as this is so horrible for both of them I am so glad they have each other to talk to about it with. That they believe each other. They know what happened because they both remember it.

She Never Should Have Had Us/Is That What You Would Have Done? If You Were Gabe - Would You Tell Ana to Get An Abortion?/No. I Would’ve Been a Dad: It struck me last night how Noah’s Jesus really is a completely different character than the first Jesus. Because in season one, he was all about getting that morning after pill for Lexi. Maybe that’s because now the writers can portray Jesus the way they always intended to. I’m not really sure. But I do really find this statement by Jesus in this scene to fit with the way he is now. Very tender, quiet, and driven to do what’s right. Especially after having that conversation with Gabe in season 3 about how Gabe did tell Ana to abort the twins when she was pregnant, and how terribly that sat with Jesus.

So, We Let Her Off The Hook?/They Are Not Us and It Does Us No Good to Get Mad at Them: This is such a twin thing. Mariana is so upset at Ana abandoning them (as she should be. They deserved to be taken care of.) And Jesus is on the other end of the spectrum where it seems he’s trying to put distance between himself and that time because he knows it can’t be changed.

Twins do tend to try to balance each other out, I’ve found.

Nobody Ever Gave Me Nothin’ for It. Now I Got the Power: This reminds me of Jack in season 3, telling Jude and Callie that he had the power after those boys broke his arm. :( It seems like Diamond almost HAS to rationalize this as being okay, because it likely feels like her only option.

It Really Wasn’t His Choice/True. But We’re Adopted, So Maybe You Could Have Considered That: I adored this conversation between Emma and Mariana. I love the honesty. How Mariana didn’t hesitate to tell Emma how Jesus felt about it but also acknowledged that it wasn’t his choice. It also felt really accurate that she would talk about how she and Jesus are adopted and how that’s also a valid option.

You Sure You Should Be Lifting Stuff?/Yeah, I’m Fine. It’s Good for Me to Move Around: The thing about brain injuries and disability in general is that you’re always contending with your limitations. And those limitations can shift and change day to day, depending on any number of things. With the visual disturbance plotline pretty much gone, it follows that Jesus probably does feel markedly better than he has.

What Are We Doing?/We’re Moving My Stuff In/Why?/Should I Call Your Mom? And this is why it is not advised to go off medication without a doctor’s knowledge and supervision. Yes, Gabe, please do call Lena. (Also, notice Jesus’s speech being impacted by not feeling well.)

I Can’t Have Sex When I Take My Meds/Well Maybe That’s Okay? For Now? Until You Get Off Them? To recap: Felbamate is a last-resort anti-convulsant with dangerous side effects. Impotence is not one of said side effects. Also? I cannot find any research that supports the arbitrary 5-years-on-anti-convulsants thing.

My House Could Use Some Pretty Flowers: Callie, it’s Russell! Take the girls and run away!

I Folded Your Laundry for You...You’re Welcome? Why are you doing chores while Jude is sitting on his butt playing video games, Mariana?

They’re Trying to Turn Anchor Beach Into a Private School!...You Can Still Plead the Fifth: Hahaha! I love how Jude came in and side-eyed Mariana for instantly telling Mama about Anchor Beach. (Good call, by the way, Mari, Mama needs to know.)

I Think Diamond Took Something Out of the Trash. There Was This Guy Hanging Around and I Think He Left Something for Her: Ooh, I still love seeing Daphne in charge but Callie snooping around makes me nervous - her investigating always leads to so much terribleness…

Call Me on It and Delete the History...Then Put It Back...and Wipe Your Fingerprints Off Of It: I know it’s not supposed to be funny but I love Daphne like buffing the phone with her shirt.

After Everything Ana Put You and Jesus Through!/At Least She Didn’t Get Rid Of Us! God, twist the knife a little more, Brandon! You can’t bring up how badly Mariana and Jesus were neglected as babies as justification for Emma’s abortion. How do you think that makes Mariana feel? Oh right, you’re not thinking of HER feelings…

Jesus, Can I Talk to You for a Sec? When Did You Stop Taking Your Anti-Seizure Meds? I’m frustrated that this conversation is off-page.

If They Want Me to Say That I Think Kyle Killed Martha Johnson, I Need to See Him Again: Sounds totally legit that Moms will let Callie and Brandon drive eight and a half hours to a high security prison. So your 17 year old daughter can visit an inmate there. Sounds totally safe.

We Are Going to Allow You to Drive With Callie to Folsom: We, a police officer and an assistant principal are allowing our 18 year old son and 17 year old daughter to DRIVE TO FOLSOM PRISON TOGETHER. What is happening right now?

Mouth Open. Tongue Up/How Long Are You Gonna Make Me Do This?/Until I Can Trust That You’ll Take Them...So Probably Forever: Okay, so apparently the off-page conversation did not go so well. While I understand the importance of taking the medication until a doctor’s appointment can be scheduled, forcing your kid to take it “forever” despite the (fake) side effects? Not okay. Understandable if there are no other options, but it appears that Lena is not interested in looking into those options.

And I can’t help but entertain the thought that perhaps in Lena’s mind, the impotence might be a blessing in disguise - a way of controlling Jesus? Which is such a gross thought, but the truth is that many disabled girls and women undergo forced sterilization as a matter of convenience even today. Is keeping Jesus on Felbamate despite his objections due to a convenient “side effect” so different?

Your Brain’s Not Right/MY Brain’s Not Right?! You’re So Depressed, You Got Evicted! Maybe YOU Should Take YOUR Meds! Oh my. I know this seems most unfair, Jesus. And it is.

I Wanna Be Here For You, Jesus/No You Don’t. You Almost Left Town Without Telling Us. The Only Reason You’re Here Right Now Is So You Have a Place to Live: Ouch, but Jesus speaks the truth.

I Had a Job Lined Up in Tahoe/Maybe You Should Go! I’m Sure It’s Still Available!/We’ll Talk About This Later: I have to say, as far as adults go, Gabe is actually doing quite well avoiding the whole ableism thing so far. Just the fact that he does not dismiss Jesus’s anger as a “TBI outburst,” and lets him know that they will talk later is huge in light of how the family has been treating him in past episodes.

I Don’t Wanna Live Like This/Don’t Say That. You’re Gonna Get Better: There definitely is such an adjustment to life with a brain injury - and depression is often a part of that. And while I appreciate that Brandon is trying to make Jesus feel better, telling him that he will “get better” is harmful in the long run. While Jesus will definitely make improvements, he will not return to who he was pre-injury. The promise of this is false hope. (I mean, this is TV, so a “miraculous recovery” might still happen. But in real life? Please avoid the phrase. “You’re going to improve, but I respect your limitations.” holds the same sentiment. And it’s okay to be different post-injury. Life happens. We evolve.

You Can Talk to Your Doctor. They Can Put You on Something Else. Or Give You Something/What? Like Viagra? Like I’m an Old Man? Why is Brandon, of all people, having this conversation with Jesus? This is a conversation Lena should have had with him when she found out he was not taking his medication.

What About Emma? Everybody Knows She’s Not With Me For My Mind. Our Thing, It’s Physical/Jesus, There’s Nothing Wrong With Your Mind. You Have a TBI - But You’re Funny, Smart and a Really Good Guy. She Has to Love You for All That: Brandon, you and I have a love-hate relationship. And lets be real, it’s mostly hate. But this? This was the perfect thing to say. “There is nothing wrong with your mind. You have a TBI.” Please get this engraved on a plaque and place it in the kitchen for all to see.

Are You Sure I’m Gonna Get Better?/I’m Sure: :/

I Wonder Where This Money Is Coming From?/Is That...That’s Craig Stratos. Nick’s Dad. Why Would He Wanna Bankroll This? Do You Think This Is Personal? Well, that was unexpected…

Oh My God, Kyle. Did You Kill Her/What If I Did? This scene. Adam Irigoyen’s complete transformation as Kyle is just amazing and chilling.

You Used Me/YOU Used ME/For What?/For a Cause. To Feel Good About Yourself: I love this so much. I love that Kyle is knowledgeable. I love that he knew, from the start, that he was also being used. I hate that feeling. While I obviously don’t condone murder or theft, I do like the reveal that Kyle was aware the entire time of the bigger picture. That he isn’t just the sweet ‘special needs’ boy that Callie perceived him to be. He is fully aware and he always has been. This scene was easily my favorite part of the episode. What amazing acting. What a stunning reveal.

I Never Did That/Jesus Remembers, Too/I Don’t See How You Could Remember Something Like That When You Were Babies/We Remember Because We Were Scared and Hungry and Our Diapers Were Full. We Were Covered In Our Own--: And runner up for my favorite scene is this one with Mariana and Ana in therapy. I was just thinking how much I hoped we would see some kind of through-line with this. I’ve been wondering how Mari’s coping with her PTSD.

The tweets in Mariana’s secret Twitter account were revealing in that sense because we get to see that she’s still scared. She’s still dealing with things, and obviously she’s been trying to process this memory of her and Jesus as babies for several weeks.

I like that this kind of thing was included because it is fairly common from what I’ve read that kids who’ve known severe abuse or neglect do have memories from the time they’re babies of their experiences of those things. And they’re doubly difficult to process because as babies, Jesus and Mariana were preverbal. They didn’t have the vocabulary to articulate how they were feeling. Which is why it’s so good that Mariana’s able to start working it through now, and figuring out how it did make her feel.

Is It Possible, Ana, That You Don’t Remember If You Were Using Drugs?/I Didn’t Come Here to Be Judged or Ambushed by Memories That She Dreamt Up. I’m Not Doing This: I also really loved the realism in Ana’s reaction. It feels so viscerally true that she, as a mom, and especially with a baby now, to be super defensive and dismissive of the idea that she did neglect Mariana and Jesus so thoroughly. And it is complicated by the fact that she was using at the time so she very well might have zero memories of things she did and/or times that she left them alone.

I feel so much for Mariana, though, and I do hope that her therapist helps her process what happened in the office, so that she can start to realize Ana’s reaction is about Ana and it doesn’t make Mariana and Jesus’s memories of what happened any less valid.

Before Your Daughter Gets on the Stand With That Story. Check That Out: Yeah, Stef, Callie’s story of getting Doug Harvey’s toothbrush out of the trash isn’t really gonna stand up in court when Gray has video evidence of her in his house taking it from there.

We Can Still Do Stuff, You Know, For You?/Hell Yeah: I’m glad Jesus and Emma are still working on their relationship and trying to figure things out. (Check out the cane standing next to his bed.)

Did You Hear About Anchor Beach? There’s a Rumor They’re Turning It Into a Private School/ Where Did You Hear That?/Some Anonymous Twitter Account. I have a hard time believing that Emma would not check out the anonymous Twitter before sharing it with Jesus. The very first thing Jesus did was check out the handle and the tweets. And now, he knows. Finally. Oh crap.

For more: Fosters Recaps

#the fosters #4x19 #who knows #jesus and mariana #jesus adams foster #tbi #brain injury #aphasia #ableism

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