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emberfrostlovesloki · 6 months

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Demons [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left and Right (Google) Center (@hotchs-big-hands [my beloved])

Prompt: The team is forced into very close quarters during a case on an offshore oil rig in Alaska. It’s bitterly cold and there’s nowhere to go, and three men have been beaten and stabbed to death. The team must solve the mystery before it’s too late. A mix-up in rooms also has Aaron and the reader closer than ever. It allows him to learn something new about her.

Category: Angst/comfort

Word Count: 15.6K

Content Warnings: Sleep paralysis, canon typical violence, death (of a victim and unsub), beating (with a blunt object), choking (briefly described), mention of death by stabbing, the threat of death by knife/gun, mention of drowning (unsub), mention of abuse (in the past [Hotch]), slight mention of blood, language, hospitals, slight body image issues (Hotch). Please let me know if I missed any.

A/N: Ahhhh, hi loves. Did anyone ask for something this long? No. Did I expect to write this much? No. But the scenes kept coming, and I kept writing them down. I just love the writing process. It’s so cool. But enough of that. This story’s mostly based on a northern gothic vibe and the age-old, ‘only one bed’ trope. I am very happy with how this turned out and I hope you all like it too. You could read this as a stand-alone or as a prequel to my story, Unwanted Attention (linked). A huge thank you to my top hype woman @sadgirlzluvdilfs (ILY) If you like this story as well, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! I hope you all have a great Friday night! - Love Levi.

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_y/n_ = your name

_y/e/c_ = your eye color

Hotch got a call from Strauss in his office. He had hoped that Monday would be a quiet work day for himself and the team. He was currently drowning in paperwork, and as he glanced down at the bullpen. He could see his team trying to do their best to also catch up on the more clerical side of their jobs as FBI agents. Strauss had told him to meet her in her office immediately. He replied, “Yes, Ma’am. I’m on my way.” He hung up the phone, grabbed his shoulder bag, and moved toward the elevator. It was a short ride up to the twentieth floor of their building, and Aaron wondered what he should prepare for when he arrived at Struas’s office. He walked down the long hallway and knocked twice on his boss’s door before opening it. Aaron was not expecting to see The Federal Energy Regulatory Commission, Frank Ridgewell, seated across from Strauss. Both the Commissioner and Strauss stood when he entered her office. Erin gestured to Ridgewell and said, “Agent Hotchner, I’m sure you know Commissioner Ridgewell.” Aaron nodded. He had never met the man in person before, but he was aware of who he was, and how important he was to the United States. Aaron extended a hand and Mr. Ridgewell took it, giving it a firm shake. Once the quick introduction was done, Strauss said, “Let’s all have a seat.” From Erin’s tone, whatever was happening here was important. Strauss indicated to the other man in the room, and Frank turned toward Aaron asking, “Are you aware of the new offshore drilling operation in Alaska?” Hotch furrowed his brow and replied, “Only tangentially. I understand that the rig was built quickly and there was a land dispute. I’m also aware that there were environmental protests over beginning new drilling so close to a naturally preserved site.” Ridgewell nodded and said, “You’re correct. As of three months ago, the oil rig has been fully operational. The rig employs sixty-seven people in total. Fourty-four of those individuals are employed part-time or have shift work on the operation. The other twenty-three are full-time employees that work one month on-site and three weeks off.” Aaron had his legal pad out and was taking a few notes as the Commissioner spoke. He was waiting for the important information with a bit of impatience. This had to be important if it wasn’t coming from JJ. If it was coming from the top, he needed to be meticulous in his work and the various details being thrown at him.

After another minute of the smaller details about the rig and its crew. Ridgewell’s tone changed. The man said, “Well all that preliminary information is building up to say that within the first three months of operation, three men have been killed. Only one of the twenty-five men working full time on shift could be responsible for the deaths. The three victims were found beaten and stabbed to death at various locations on the job site. The first victim was found by one of the security guards and the next two were found by workmen.” Aaron nodded, finally understanding the gravity of the situation, and asked, “And you believe that the BAU can assist you in finding the unsub on this oil rig?” Frank looked confused as Hotch said, “Unsub,” and Aaron clarified, “The Behavioral Analysis Team calls potential murderers Unknown Subjects, or unsubs for short.” At hearing this, Ridgewell nodded and replied, “Yes, yes I do, but there’s more to it than just the killings.” Aaron raised an eyebrow and Strauss chimed in for the first time during the meeting, saying, “Take a look at these Agent Hotchner.” Strauss pushed a file labeled ‘Classified,” in front of the Unit Chief. Hotch opened the folders and inside found a dozen or so copies of transcripts and pictures of messages that had been unencrypted. The jist of all of them was that the three deaths had been an intentional attack on the U.S. oil and gas industry. After Aaron had carefully examined these pictures, he looked over to Strauss and then Ridgewell. He asked, “So you believe there is credibility to these claims?” Ridgewell gave a half-shrug before answering, “We can’t be sure yet, but if this information got and with the new site already having a negative reputation, there would be dire consequences. The current administration is desperate to keep prices on gas and oil low and even a momentary shutdown of operations would affect the bottom line. And heaven forbid those messages leaked to the public. Half of the States would be in a panic, and there'll be a run on fuel.” Hotch nodded. This case was more complicated than he had first expected. Strauss looked at her Senior Agent and stated, “We need you and the team in Alaska as soon as possible. This is a matter of national security. Agent Hotchner. You and the BAU will need to be extremely careful.” Aaron replied, “Yes, Ma’am.” He then turned to Ridgewell and said, “I’ll need to brief my team. We’ll be headed to the site by the afternoon.” Frank looked relieved and replied, “Thank you, Agent Hotchner. I’ll email you the file with the current crew of the rig and their supervisor. I should warn you that it’s going to be close quarters up there.” Aaron nodded. He didn’t ask for elaboration about the space, he was going to be there by the end of the day anyway, and he didn’t have time to think about it right now. Hotch stood and shook hands with Ridgewell and Strauss before straightening his jacket and moving outside to the hallway again.

Back in the bullpen, he moved to his office, He would need to check his email and do a bit of research before calling the team to the briefing room. He moved toward his office and Rossi passed him. Dave looked over his neutral expression. Though Aaron rarely showed his emotions openly, Rossi knew him well enough to know that something was amiss. David flashed him his, ‘New case?” Look, to which he nodded affirmatively. Aaron could see Rossi’s shoulders fall slightly. Hotch understood that his friend had also wanted a break. The caseload had been extra heavy over the last month and a half, and the team was aching for a break. As the two men passed each other on the stairs, the sound of laughter caught Aaron’s attention. He knew the laugh well. Better than he should. Aaron turned and saw _y/n_ sitting at her desk. She had a file slightly covering her face and her _y/e/c_ eyes were bright and wide. Emily and Derek were standing beside her having made some joke that he hadn’t heard. Looking at her like this, as a casual observer made a small flame in his chest flicker slightly, like a lighter being turned on by an unsteady hand. Aaron had begun to recognize that the small attraction that he had for _y/n_ had grown. Now every time he looked at her, he felt the need to stifle a sigh. For now, he was safe. _y/n_ hadn’t shown any particular interest in him, that he could tell. Or maybe he was just pretending to not notice when _y/n_ looked at him for longer than necessary, or how she checked in on him often, just to make sure he was really doing alright. Hotch turned away as another peal of laughter emerged from the group downstairs. In his office, he turned on his lamps and opened his email inbox for the new information Strauss had CC’d him. It was a good 110 pages of personnel files and maps of the site. More important for the team was when the supply boat schedule which went to the rig in the morning and early evening. It took Hotch a full hour to skim all of the new information. He sent Garcia an SOS to get as much dirt of the Northern Oil and Gas Supply LLC as she could. Particularly the new oil site called Farpoint 52, -153. The name was unassuming, and the first thing Penelope told him was that the numbers were latitude and longitude points in Alaska, but not those of the actual site.

When Aaron was ready, he had seven file folders with all the most important information accumulated including pictures of the victims that the local PD in Anchorage had just sent over. The attacks were brutal. The injuries on the three bodies seemed to be caused by blunt force trauma, and as Ridgewell had said, there were multiple stab wounds on the victims as well. Hotch took a long breath as he got up and moved outside his office. He knocked on JJ and Rossi’s doors and gave them their files. JJ said, “I’ll get Garcia to come and set up the screen in the briefing room.” Aaron thanked her, and she and Rossi moved out of his way. Hotch placed his hands on the railing of the stairs and called out for his agents saying, “BAU team, I need you in the conference room.” As all four members of the team looked up to him, the mood of the room changed, dimming from how lively it had just been. Hotch turned toward the meeting room before he could see their faces fall once more. Sometimes he thought that he couldn’t keep doing this to them. To himself. The isolation he felt when he was home alone left him a breathless aching mess. It was rare when he allowed those feelings to overwhelm him, but sometimes he couldn’t help it. When this happened, he often found himself in a steaming hot shower. So hot that it hurt. When he couldn’t control his emotions, he felt like a kid again after his father had gone on either a verbal or physical diatribe about his perceived shortcomings. The reminders of the abuse he endured for years would flare up and make him feel a different kind of shame and hurt than letting his team down. By the end of the shower, he had normally excised these emotions and feelings of weakness and would fall into a fitful sleep afterward.

_y/n_ watched Aaron turn quickly. She let out a long sigh at the announcement about a new case. Everyone on the team was exhausted, and it seemed that Hotch was the most exhausted of them all. She had watched him closely over the last month. Something about his demeanor had shifted. _y/n_ wondered if it was the two-year anniversary of Hailey leaving him that had initiated the change, or if it was something else personal or professional. She wanted to ask him what was wrong. How she could soothe him from the stress she could sense coming off of him. But she assumed that might be stepping over some personal work line, and she was still relatively new to the team. She didn’t want to risk any consequences for being overly personal. For now, all she could do was watch and wait for a time that seemed appropriate. She was fully aware that that time may never come and would have to be okay with just being near someone as commanding and steady as Aaron.

In the briefing room, everyone but Hotch and JJ sat. Aaron moved to the head of the table and said, “This morning I got a call from Director Strauss. When I got to her office, the Federal Energy Regulatory Commissioner was waiting for me. He has a case for us in Alaska that is a top priority. And…” Hotch paused as seven pairs of eyes waited for more details. Realizing that it might be more efficient to have his agents just read the brief in their files, he said, “Actually, why don’t you just turn to page one in your files and read over the case notes so far? I’ll give you a few moments.” The team opened the files in front of them and read the 1,000-ish word briefing on the first page. They were all aware that this case was different than the rest and that the brief hadn’t been written by JJ. Spencer and _y/n_ could tell it was Hotch’s writing almost immediately. The tense use and wording were very direct and blunt, just as Aaron was. Not that JJ added fluff, just that she took a few more words to make a point than their Unit Chief. Once those seated at the table had read over the first page and taken a look at the victim's pictures, Aaron moved forward and said, “Well as you can see, this latest case doesn’t have a lot of victims, but the timeline is progressing quickly and given that the crew is so small, these deaths have caused issues in the operation of the rig. On top of this, it seems that foreign agents are claiming they are playing a part in these deaths. If this is true or not; we can’t be sure until we find the Unsub.” Rossi tossed in the comment, “If it is foreign agents, they are most likely to come from Russia or the Middle East where much of the oil in the U.S. comes from. We should look at the crew and see if there are any potential ties to those countries.” Hotch inclined his head at the suggestion. It was a good one. With the primary details being said and a long flight ahead of them, Aaron concluded the information session by saying, “I recommend bringing the warmest clothes you have in your go bags, and something waterproof if you have it; I’m sure you can guess that it will be cold and wet where we’re headed.” Aaron looked at his team as they started standing, and he added one last thing that stilled the team and drew their attention to him again. He simply said, “I understand that this team has gone through a lot in the last few cases. I know you’re tired. After this case, I’m going to do my best to find some time for us to be off and recuperate for a bit. Please know that your efforts and work don’t go unnoticed by me. That’s all.” With his mini pep-talk finished, the team moved into action again. Aaron had meant what he said of course, but had also said it for himself too.

As everyone filed out of the room, _y/n_ approached Aaron and just barely touched his forearm to get his attention. Hotch looked down at her and asked, “What is it, _y/n_?” Sometimes when _y/n_ looked at him specifically, intentionally, he thought he saw a flicker of something more in her eyes than just attention and respect. He thought he saw it now, but he cleared his head. Now wasn’t the time for those thoughts. _y/n_ didn’t seem to notice how deeply he was looking at her when she said, “When you spoke to Strauss this morning, did she say anything more about the case? Is there anything else we need to know?” She hoped she wasn’t asking for information he couldn’t give. Hotch continued looking down at her for a moment before replying, “She just said that we needed to be safe. There are a lot of unknowns here. More than usual for a case.” _y/n_ acknowledged his statement and said softly, “Got it. See you in the parking lot.” With that, she quickly left to gather her go-bag and race to get some coffee if she could before the jet left for Anchorage. When _y/n_ had gone, Aaron took another moment to minorly compose himself. Then he moved to catch up with Garcia. He was going to ask her to join the team on this case due to the technical aspects that might be involved. He had a sinking suspicion that getting her on wifi all the way out where they would be might be harder than on the mainland. If foreign assets were involved or there was tampering with the equipment of the rig’s systems, Penelope was the most capable of any of them to lend a hand.

Thirty minutes later, the team piled into the jet with their go bags and files. Garcia was a balm to what seemed to be an already dreary case. As everyone sat, the ideas started flowing about motive and the type of unsub that they were dealing with. Spencer and Morgan were thinking about the physical elements of the unsub. Things like the impact of the wounds, the type of weapon being used to inflict them, and the force that would be needed to cause them. Their top ideas for weapons were a baseball bat or some other blunt object that had lots of fulcrum power. Meanwhile, JJ and Emily were looking through the personnel of the twenty-five full-time employees. Garcia was on every possible legal and illegal site that tracked energy and messages that could possibly correlate with countries like Russia, Iran, or Iraq. Rossi and Aaron were looking deeper into the oil company as a whole. To them, it seemed a little sketchy and the fact that Mr. Ridgewell had asked for the team personally belied that there might be some shady business not only from outside but inside the company as well. Rossi was talking about a possible correlation with BP and their recent legal troubles. As all this was happening, _y/n_ sat and listened to the cacophony of sounds bouncing around the plane. She had her notebook out and was taking her usual annotations on the case and jotting down when someone on the team said something she thought was important. She was feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the chatter happening around her, so she took a moment to grab a coffee from the back of the jet. The team had moved out so quickly that she didn’t get a chance to grab a cup in the office break room. She moved past Hotch and noticed he wasn’t holding a cup either. _y/n_ stopped briefly in front of her boss, and he looked up at her. She made a hand motion to indicate ‘drink?’ Aaron gave her a small, grateful look and nodded his head yes.

At the back of the jet across from the small sink and mirror, was the coffee machine. She put in the water and a capsule for the Keurig. _y/n_ placed a cup under the dispenser and pushed run, on the machine. _y/n_ somehow hated the Keurig coffee more than the office coffee. It managed to always taste burned and flavorless no matter which flavor of pod she picked. But the caffeine was a necessity at the start of a case for her. It was half ritual half desire, and she didn’t fight it. When her cup was finished, she started the process again for Aaron, who no matter what coffee he was drinking, seemed unfazed by the quality of the brew. As Hotch’s cup started filling, _y/n_ doctored her own cup with milk and white sugar. Once both drinks were ready, she placed lids on the cups and moved back to the cabin of the plane. As she passed Hotch, she seamlessly handed his cup to him, as she settled back to her own spot further down the row. Garcia watched as this happened. It was like moving a baton between two runners in a relay. ‘They hardly looked at each other while it happened!’ The technical analyst thought. Penelope hadn’t been on a case since _y/n_ had joined, and this behavior was new and exciting for someone like Hotch. Garcia had taken special care with _y/n_. The newest BAU agent was young, and she knew more about _y/n_’s background than most of the team. Because of this, Garcia had done her best to uplift and support _y/n_But it seems that _y/n_ was supporting the team in small ways too. Penelope knew that _y/n_ was attentive and sharp in her mind and actions if she needed to be. But this was generally hidden beneath her gentle warm exterior. But seeing _y/n_ meet even the smallest needs without even being asked to was such her thing; at least, that was what Penelope thought. Now that she was here seeing this, Garcia was going to have to pay more attention to _y/n_ and Hotch. Because she wanted to know if this was just a them thing, or was _y/n_ acting like this with the whole team?

_y/n_ sat and took a sip of the coffee that was a little too hot. The liquid burned her tongue and she made a small face of pain. Thankfully no one was looking at her at the time. _y/n_ set the cup in the cupholder next to her seat and looked at the picture of the rig itself again. This setting was so bizarre for a crime. Even the photos of the outside of the rig made her feel unnerved. _y/n_ tried to think of any prior cases like this. There had to be some. _y/n_ was fiercely thinking about old cases. Old old cases even. This case was going to require thinking outside the box. Finally, with eyes closed and brows pinched, some ideas started coming to her. With some inspiration, she began writing quickly on a new page of her notepad As this was happening, Aaron looked around the cabin. Everyone was still intensely focused, and he walked around each group to see what they had come up with so far. Spencer and Morgan had surmised that the unsub was probably smaller than they might assume. Given that they used blunt objects to kill the victim. If the unsub had a lot of strength, they should be able to kill their victims without the need for an object. Between JJ and Emily, they had pinpointed a few possible workers who might fit certain profile types and those specifically seemed to be linked to odd organizations or firms that could be linked to terrorist organizations. As Aaron moved to ask Garcia how it was going, she shooed him away with a tut-tut indicating that she was too busy for a check-in at the moment.

The last person he needed to see was _y/n_. As he approached her, she seemed deep in thought, and he sat across from her and sat for a minute or two in silence as he let her wrap up whatever she was writing. When _y/n_’s pen stilled, she looked up at him and he asked, “You seem to be having some ideas overhear. Mind sharing them with me?” _y/n_ nodded, looking down to her notes. She resisted the urge to say, ‘I don’t feel good about this case. I can’t pinpoint it, but something feels off here.’ Instead, she said, “I was thinking about the setting; the rig. Looking at the ariel photographs, the maps of the interior, and the security footage from the main hallways made me think about something. It’s so isolated. If you work there then it’s a tight space, and you work a dangerous job, and you see the same twenty or so people day after day for three to four weeks.” Hotch nodded along, getting a feeling for where she was going. When they made eye contact again, he said, “And?” He was encouraging her to finish her thought. _y/n_ gave a soft sigh as if she was doubting herself. Whether there was doubt or not, _y/n_ continued, saying, “Well those working conditions can’t be good for one’s psyche. I was considering some old cases. I know that Cabin Fever isn’t a diagnosable psychological condition, but there’s a history of those symptoms manifesting in groups of isolated people. I’m thinking as far back as the Donner party in 1846. There was the Highcliff’s in 1980, and more recently the Smith and Wess party in 1992. I know these are ancient cases for the team but it seems to fit to me. I know this case could be way more complex given the terrorism element, but just looking at the brief you wrote, I think this might be a case of insanity due to the location. I could be wrong. I could be totally off here, but it’s what I’ve got so far.” Aaron thought about what _y/n_ had said and replied, “I’m not saying that that train of thought is not out there, but given the novelty of this case, I think we need someone who is thinking with a separate mind frame. Once we’re on site, keep what you have here in the back of your mind. If you see anything that relates to this theory let me know immediately.” _y/n_ nodded at him in agreement as he stood and made his way back to Rossi. Sometimes when Hotch or anyone asked her her thoughts early on, she feared that she sounded unhinged, or worse, stupid. _y/n_was still finding solid footing with the team, but Hotch never dismissed her ideas unless they were fully implausible, and she appreciated that about him.

The flight moved quickly after this. Although there were five hours left, the team regrouped and shared what they knew before touchdown in Anchorage. When the jet landed, the sun was already setting in the West although it was only 5:30 p.m. It only took a few minutes before they arrived in the SUVs at the dock with the resupply boat that would take them to the rig thirty minutes offshore. The team turned in all three sets of keys to the cars to the police officer waiting for them at the dock. Aaron promised to call the local LEO when the team was ready for their return to the small airstrip. The team pulled their go bags from the back of the cars. Derek was kind enough to carry Garcia’s pink and sparkly duffle on top of his small carry-on suitcase. The team had bundled up in their jackets and they were buffeted by the harsh northern winds beating them from all sides. As they boarded the gangway, Hotch momentarily steadied _y/n_ who he was walking next to. Though she seemed okay, it seemed to him that she could use a steadying hand for a moment as she battled the wind. When she felt Aaron approach her and then place a steadying hand just barely against her back she looked at him. He wore that expression that just said, ‘I’m here.’ _y/n_ gave him a nod, indicating that she appreciated the gesture. Aaron kept his hand where it was until they got on deck. Once they were on a more sturdy surface, Hotch removed his hand but moved to take the handle of _y/n’s small wheeled case in his open left hand. Their hands brushed briefly as they exchanged the weight of her luggage. Neither Aaron nor _y/n_ said anything at the exchange, but she gave him a soft smile as he moved toward the stairway that led to the passenger area of the ship. This had become a little pattern of theirs over the past few months. There was a kind of shared understanding of care between them. Aaron told himself that this was him taking care of his newest agent, and _y/n_ told herself that this was her trying to prove that she noticed the small needs of the team; both of them were lying to themselves.

Once the team was downstairs _y/n_ took charge of her case again, as Aaron and JJ moved to the control room to introduce themselves to the captain and get some relevant information. While the team waited to start moving, they all settled into the uncomfortable benches either in the center of the boat or those near the sides of the room that had a few windows looking out onto the choppy Alaskan Sea. After a few minutes, the boat motors started roaring to life and the resupply vessel moved toward the open water. Garcia moved to sit next to _y/n_ who had slumped down on a bench next to one of the windows. The waves were a dark green and blue, and the clouds had turned a charcoal grey as the sun started to dip below the horizon. Penelope looked over to _y/n_ and asked, “How are you holding up, friend?” _y/n_ looked over to Garcia and said, “I don’t like this Penelope. This feels off to me. This case.” Garcia nodded along and said, “Trust your gut _y/n_. You know yourself better than anyone else. If you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.” _y/n_ nodded and both she and the tech whizz turned to look as Hotch and JJ returned from the bridge. Aaron stepped into the center of the room. The boat listed up and down slightly, but he seemed perfectly stable even as the boat took on a large wave. In his smooth voice, Aaron said, “According to the skipper we should be at the rig in around twenty-five minutes. Apparently, the seas are pretty rough tonight. Once we get there, the boat will take a few minutes to dock. A worker on the rig is going to get our luggage for us, so leave it here by the door when we disembark. Once we’re on the rig the first thing we'll do is meet the foreman. As you saw in the file, his man is Mr. Obermann. Once I’ve introduced us all, we’ll get a tour of the rig. Find rooms and then debrief if that sounds alright?” Everyone agreed and said so in some way or another. _y/n_ always found it interesting that he said things like, ‘If that’s alright with you.’ To the team. It’s not exactly like they had a choice on what happened at the start of a case. _y/n_ hypothesized that he did this to give them an allusion of control. Also, if someone did really have a suggestion that the team do something differently -- like asking to go to a crime scene or the hospital or something like that -- then he would consider it. However, Aaron was usually good at predicting the needs of the team and the case. He was their leader after all.

The resupply boat arrived at the rig and the size of the massive object that was being buffeted by the cold waves was more massive than any of them had imagined. The rig wasn’t the only thing being pushed by the harsh wind. As the team got outside and made it to the short ladder they would need to climb to get to the main platform. Derek helped _y/n_ and Garcia get to the ladder while Aaron helped JJ, and Rossi provided Emily a steadying hand. The whole team pulled their jackets tighter around themselves as they made it to the main door. A worker pulled the heavy metal door open for them. The door led directly to the crew’s rec room. Mr. Obermann was waiting for them and stood as the team entered the room. Aaron moved to the front of the pack and introduced himself and the team quickly. Mr. Obermann looked stressed and worn out which was understandable given the circumstances. The man said, “Well I appreciate you all coming so far. If this doesn’t get fixed it will be hell for the company, but more importantly to me twenty-five good hard-working men. Because you’ve all come I’ve sent all the temp workers home until you find our guy. What did you call him again?” Aaron replied, “The unknown subject, or unsub for short.” Obermann nodded and said, “Yeah. That. The men that are still here are freaked. They all think they’re going to be the next victim. It’s not good for the job as they need to pay full attention to what they are doing. Risk of injury on offshore rigs are thirty three percent more likely than those on land.” Obermann stopped to take a breath before continuing, “Now I’ll give you a tour of the place. I need you all to put on hard hats.

The protective headwear was passed out, and the team put the hats on. JJ, Penelope, and _y/n_ struggled not to laugh at the look of all the men on the team wearing the hats. Particularly Rossi, Morgan, and Aaron. Hotch looked like a midwestern politician trying to get votes from the rustbelt to _y/n_, and she actually had to cough to hide her laugh. She was fully aware that she must also look like a fool, but she just couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. Once they were equipped, the team and Mr. Obermann moved through an internal door that led to a long hallway. The foreman moved through each of the rooms on that floor, including his small office, the mess hall, the laundry room, and some of the sleeping quarters. They moved outside, and the team looked at the helipad, and the derrick that brought the oil up to the surface. The team moved back inside and moved down the steps to the first level of the rig. The lower floor was very dark and close to the water level. The sound of the waves could be heard through the thick steel and concrete which spoke to the power of the water surrounding them. Obermann guided through the more mechanical side of the rigs. The communal showers for the crew were also located on the second level. As they walked through the mechanical room, Obermann said, “This room is generally off limits, but as you know, the first victim was found here. I ask that if you need to be in here, let me know and I’ll send someone to open it for you.” The tour took a long time as the space was cramped and a lot of the rooms required them to be careful. Obermann led them back to the rec room where their luggage was waiting for them. Oberman said, “I’ll give you all a few minutes to pick rooms for yourself. The rooms that are free are downstairs. With all of you here, you’ll have to double up. The keys to the rooms are on the table and are labeled with the number that matches the door. Now I have some paperwork to attend to, but I’ll be in my office for any questions you have.”

As Obermann moved to his office, the team looked at each other. Having to share rooms was never something they enjoyed. Though the team was close, it was an entirely different thing to have to share a room. The team's cases often brought a lot of stress and little sleep, and having the privacy of their own space let them decompress in their own form or fashion was needed. On the rare occasions that the team did share rooms, it was fine, but everyone was far more comfortable alone. But, the work needed to be done, and they needed to start quickly, so no one made a fuss. With that out of the way, the team paired up. Derek, Spencer, and Rossi shared one of the rooms that had three beds, and JJ, Emily, and Garcia took the other room with three beds. Emily offered to share her bed with _y/n_ but _y/n_ said that she was alright being with Hotch in the room with two beds. If it meant having her own bed she would be fine. Aaron overheard _y/n_ and Prentiss’s conversation, and he felt a tug in his chest. He wasn’t sure if the feeling was because _y/n_ seemed so okay with sharing a room with him, or the fact that he was even thinking about it. Hotch had noticed his feelings change toward _y/n_ in the last few months. He wasn’t sure what was pulling him to her, but in some tiny way, things seemed to have shifted in the air for them. And Aaron knew that it wasn’t just him that felt the change. _y/n_ had started to adapt around him. Doing things for him she didn’t need to but that he wanted. He had started reciprocating the gestures and it just kind of clicked in place. Hotch hadn’t given this much thought yet. There hadn’t been time, and he wanted to wait before he did anything more. The fact that he was thinking this now felt like he was breaking some kind of supervisory rule. Even if _y/n_ seemed completely fine with sharing a room with him, he wanted to check in personally. As the rest of the groups moved down the stairs with their suitcases, Hotch stepped toward her.

When Aaron was next to her, he looked down into her eyes and said, “_y/n_, you don’t have to share a room with me. I can make another arraignment or sleep on one of the couches in here if you prefer.” _y/n_ appreciated the gesture, and she looked over what appeared to be the most old, decrepit, and uncomfortable couches she had seen in her life. Not only would Hotch’s sleep be compromised, but he honestly might be unsafe here given that the rec room was open 24/7. With the killings happening, she would never risk him like that. Even if she was uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping in the same room as her boss, she still wouldn’t make him sleep in a space like this. Although _y/n_ didn’t find the idea of sleeping in the same room as Hotch uncomfortable, she did find it a bit awkward. Over the past few months, she had had some less-than-professional thoughts about her Unit Chief. None of them had strayed into the lewd, lurid, or vulgar, but even so, being that close to Aaron made her insides flutter slightly. She told the butterflies just trying to take flight for the first time to slow down. For now, she was just thinking about this situation by internally telling herself, ‘It’s just Hotch.’ _y/n_ didn’t mean this in a demeaning way. Many of her close relationships or intimate moments with men were marred by pain or betrayal. So for her to simply and honestly say, ‘It’s just Hotch,’ meant a great deal. “Alright, but if at any time you feel like you need space during the night, just tell me and I’ll give it to you.” _y/n_ smiled and nodded, saying, “I will, Hotch. Now, maybe we should put our stuff away so we can get to work?” Aaron nodded in agreement and he stood more straight. The pair grabbed the last room key and their cases. The duo moved down the stairs and to the end of the hallway where their room was.

Hotch pulled the door’s key from his pants pocket and fitted it into the lock. There was the pleasant sound of the bolt clicking back. Aaron took the metal handle in his large hand. The door swung outward, and he froze momentarily as he looked into the room. _y/n_ noticed his shift in demeanor and softly asked, “What is it?” She pressed closer to him, and she realized why he had reacted as he had. The room they were supposed to share only had one bed and from the size of it, there was no space for another mattress. Aaron muttered something she couldn’t hear under his breath before he more loudly articulated, “There must be a mistake. I’ll talk to Obermann. Or we can talk to someone on the team. Emily will still let you sleep with her. I’m sure of it.” While he said this, two thoughts were happening simultaneously in _y/n_’s head. The first was that her work phone had vibrated in her pocket about ten times since she and Hotch had been trying to negotiate about the room. _y/n_ took a moment to look through her messages. It seemed the other team members were ready to start building the profile for the unsub and were waiting for her and Hotch. This meant she had little time to think about the second thought running through her head like a fire. Imagining sleeping in the same bed as Aaron, even momentarily pulled a light flush to her face. She pushed the latter thought back for later and said, “Hotch, we can figure it out later. I think the team is waiting for us in the rec room. Em said there’s coffee. Let’s just put our cases inside and you and I can figure this out later.” Aaron turned to _y/n_ with a furrowed brow. For a second he could see the flush on her skin but moved to look away not ready to acknowledge that fact yet. Though he wanted to rectify this situation immediately, _y/n_ was right. He gave a small sigh and said, “You’re right. We can figure it out later." With that Aaron and _y/n_ moved into the small space. Hotch pushed his suitcase under the small space of the bed while _y/n_ placed her smaller case in the only open storage area the room had. When this was done, they both left the room; Aaron switched off the light and locked the door behind him. As they made their way back up to the first floor, Aaron sighed. This wasn’t particularly Obermann’s fault, but it was a unique situation for sure. One that he would resolve to make sure _y/n_ was comfortable. For some reason when he saw her in pain or discomfort, it really ate at him. This had only happened twice, but those were two times he did not want to repeat. And he certainly wasn’t going to be the cause of her discomfort.

The pair moved back to the team and settled into the open spots at one of the tables in the rec room. The darkness outside the windows of the rec room seemed to try and penetrate through and around the lights on the rig, and the howl of the wind crashed with the waves as the team worked late into the night. They bounced ideas off each other and looked at the first three spots where the victims had been found. By 2:40 a.m. the team had a basic profile down. They assumed the unsub was around forty to fifty-five years old, which eliminated a little less than half of the twenty-five workers. They also assumed the man was important and potentially used violence as a substitute for sex and a form of release. _y/n_ kept the idea of cabin fever in the back of her head and suggested acts of hysteria or depression for the profile. She clarified, “We wouldn’t see that behavior here, but while this unsub is not on the rig I think bouts of anger and depression might be a pattern. He might have even lost jobs because of this before.” Rossi agreed and said, “We can ask Mr. Obermann about people with those traits tomorrow morning. We also know the attacks happen at night when most of the crew are asleep and only the night shift workers are awake.” Derek tacked on, “And they happen where there aren’t cameras or the lighting is too dark to see clearly. It’s often near the machinery to drown out any screaming.” Now that the preliminary profile was created, it would give the team a better chance to look over all the workers tomorrow who they were meeting in the morning. They had only met two men officially that night and it was the two security guards. One was a younger man in his thirties named Joe, and the other was in his fifties named Pete. The team had met the two while they changed shifts. Both men had introduced themselves and told the members of the BAU to call them at any time if they needed help. Derek and Aaron both clocked that neither man carried a gun, but did have retractable nightsticks in their belts.

By this point, it was nearly three, and many members of the team decided to call it a night. They needed to wake up at five a.m. to meet the oil workers before their shift started at 6:00 a.m. It was only Rossi, Garcia, Aaron, and _y/n_ left awake. _y/n_ could feel the weight of her exhaustion pulling at her. Her mind was foggy and looking at the files actually hurt her eyes. The lights on the rig at night were a bit dimmed and she longed to get to sleep. She pushed away from the table and Garcia looked up and asked, “Are you going to bed, darling?” _y/n_ nodded. At hearing this, Aaron looked over to her and she approached him. Mr. Obermann had retired hours ago and _y/n_ was sure Emily was out like a light by now. She could see Hotch eyeing the couches again and she just barely touched his shoulder. He looked over to her and she nodded her head toward his phone, which pinged once. Aaron picked up the device and swiped up on _y/n_’s text message. He quickly read it over. The message read: “Hotch. I guarantee that sleeping in the same room, even the same bed as you doesn’t make me uncomfortable. It may be unorthodox by FBI standards, but I’m tired and I don’t to wake JJ or Emily. Please don’t sleep on those couches or stay up all night to try and make tonight better for me. You need rest too. If sleeping with me makes you uncomfortable, I’ll take the couch, just wake me up and let me know.” Hotch turned back to _y/n_ and could see that she was being honest, about all of it. That she wasn’t uncomfortable, and that she would take the couch if he wanted to be alone. Again he had that feeling that he was being cared for by _y/n_. And even though he felt uncertain for some unknown reason, he couldn’t deny he’d rather be on a bed than the couches. Finally, he gave her a small nod letting her know that he would be down at the room later. Silently, _y/n_ mouthed, “Night Aaron.” With that, she slipped into the corridor and out of sight. Garcia had observed whatever that odd interaction was between her two friends and she was sure something was happening. What that was, she couldn’t say yet, but with her snooping and pleading skills, she hoped to find out soon enough.

After another hour, Aaron was the only one still up. He was stalling and he knew it. With a sigh, Hotch put his loose papers in his file. He picked up the manila folder and moved downstairs. The grimy, dim hall lights flickered and the shadows seemed to move as Hotch walked down the small corridor. Hotch stopped outside the showers and considered taking one. Again he was stalling. He didn’t need a shower, he needed sleep. He passed the showers and tried to unlock the door as quietly as he could. It was dark in the room and he felt around the dark space for the edge of the bed. _y/n_’s slow breathing filled the room along with the sound of the wave slapping the sides of the rig. Aaron knelt down and tried to quietly remove his suitcase from under the bed. He stopped once it was out and listened. From her breathing, it seemed that _y/n_ was still asleep. He unzipped the case and at this point, his eyes had adjusted to the darkness. He found his grey sweatpants and a sleeping shirt. He couldn’t tell what color it was in the dark but it didn’t really matter. He wasn’t trying to impress anyone. Once he had the articles of clothing, he pushed his suitcase back under the bed. Once he was standing again, he considered moving back to the showers to change. However, opening the door and letting in the light from the hall might wake _y/n_. He looked over at his agent who was turned away from him facing the wall. She was obviously asleep, and he decided to just quickly change in the room. He placed his pajamas on the empty side of the twin bed. He faced the other direction and quietly undid the buckle of his belt. He slipped it out of his belt loops and when it was free, he silently placed the leather on the bed. With a fast intentional movement, he undid the button and zipper of his pants. He slipped off the fabric and when his legs were free, he grabbed his sweats and slipped them on. Somehow Aaron felt that it would be alright if _y/n_ saw him in his undershirt or even bare-chested, but something about her seeing his legs or worse his groin -- even if it was covered with briefs was too embarrassing to think about.

A tiny voice in his head said mockingly, “And you just thought ‘you weren’t trying to impress someone?’” Hotch grit his teeth, removed his shirt and undershirt, and put on the soft cotton of his sleeping shirt. Aaron folded the clothes that he had put on the bed and set them on top of _y/n_’s case. He would hang them up tomorrow. He slowly sat down on the edge of the mattress and it dipped slightly with his weight. Very slowly he moved his legs onto the bed and it was just long enough to fit his tall frame. He lay on his back. For his sake and _y/n_’s he decided to sleep on top of the covers, while _y/n_ stayed bundled beneath them. This would at least give them a layer of separation between them. Aaron wasn’t sure if it was his was his stirring or even his body heat, but _y/n_ seemed to momentarily wake, and in a sleep-heavy voice asked, “Hotch.” It was hard to tell if she was still asleep or not, but he softly replied, “It’s me.” This answer seemed to soothe her and _y/n_ quickly fell back asleep. The exhaustion Aaron felt nearly made him fall asleep before he turned on his side to face the opposite direction from _y/n_. For once, he was grateful that he was so tired that his mind couldn’t wander to places he shouldn't let it.

An hour or so later Aaron woke when _y/n_ made a small sound in her sleep. It was like a little hum or maybe the softest “yes” he had heard in his life. As he came to a more conscious state he realized that he was warm. Warmer than he had been when he fell asleep. In his sleep, he had managed to get under the covers and he was nestled next to _y/n_. His right arm was around her waist and his face was pressed into the soft smooth skin of her neck. Hotch stilled his body. Apart from the fact that being pressed close to _y/n_ felt good, he realized that he needed to move slowly or he might wake her while he disentangled his body from hers. Hotch pulled his face back first, and in his tired mind, he thought about how he missed _y/n_’s crisp scent. Next, he removed his arm from her waist. _y/n_ made another noise at this retraction but still didn’t wake. Aaron thanked the gods for apparently making _y/n_ a deep sleeper. Finally, Aaron rolled onto his back and then to his original position facing the other wall. He was too drained to try and get out and above the covers again, and anyway the warmth from both the blankets and _y/n_ who was only an inch or so away from him felt good, and he fell back into unconsciousness after a few minutes.

In the morning, neither Aaron nor _y/n_ had the time to reflect that they had ended up in each other's arms again during the night because they were jolted awake by the sound of someone screaming. _y/n_ said, “It’s Garcia.” Both Aaron and _y/n_ quickly put on their shoes and grabbed their guns in case there was any danger. Aaron moved out the door first and _y/n_ followed closely after. The sound had come from the nearby showers. Mr. Obermann had set up for the showers to be open from six to seven a.m. each morning for the BAU women to shower safely and with the guarantee that a man wouldn’t interrupt them. This was something JJ had set up on the flight over to Alaska. JJ had ensured that the same was promised for the men on the team, but their hours were in the evening. As Aaron and _y/n_ arrived outside the showers, Morgan was gently guiding Penelope from outside. The technical analyst was sobbing and Derek sort of passed her over to _y/n_ who put her gun away. Morgan firmly said, “Get her away from here, _y/n_. We have a new victim.” _y/n_ nodded and she tried to comfort Garcia as they moved away from the new scene. Hotch slipped past them and at his point the whole team assembled. Rossi was acting as a guard against the workers who wondered what was going on, and if someone had been killed. As _y/n_ passed JJ, she asked the media liaison to come with her and Garcia to provide another more comforting presence for Penelope. JJ nodded and they moved back to the women’s room.

It was a hectic three hours at the start of the morning as a coroner and the local authorities were called. The oil workers became increasingly restless with all of the authorities and the BAU around. To the men, so far these newcomers hadn’t done anything to protect them yet. Once Penelope had calmed, _y/n_ sat on Emily’s bed and thought to the morning. To Hotch in his sneakers and grey sweatpants and dark blue shirt with his gun drawn. To Rossi in a dressing gown and undershirt, and Morgan in a tank and sweats. In fact, they had all been in sleeping clothes except for Spencer. _y/n_ expected that the young genius had stayed up all night. The sight of all of them with guns in such casual clothing would have been funny if it was in a dream or something. But this wasn’t a dream. They were isolated in the middle of nowhere. So far away from civilization that it took an hour for the coroner to arrive. _y/n_ thought back to her isolation theory. She looked forward to speaking with Obermann when she got the chance to see what he had to say. She could also get JJ to look over the personnel files with her for clues as well. After Emily dropped off a soda for Garcia, _y/n_ asked Garcia if she could describe what had happened in the morning and any clues she might have seen or observed. _y/n_ had her pen and pad ready when her friend began to speak. Finally, the police left, the coroner took the body, and the team changed into their professional clothes and assembled in the rec space. Obermann and all the workers minus the fourth victim were assembled.

Obermann spoke first and said, “Alright, new rule. Teams of three only. No one moves alone, even to piss. No teams of two, teams of three. I’ve called corporate and am waiting for a response. If they tell us to leave today, we will. But until then we can still do our jobs. And if you can’t tell me. Before we get to today’s work, I’ll have Agent Hotchner speak to you. Listen to him and his team without any grumbling or complaints unless you want to be written up.”With that, Oberman stepped aside for Aaron. Hotch tried to make this quick. He could tell the men in front of him were angsty. He cleared his throat and said, “As Mr. Obermann said, I’m Agent Aaron Hotchner. I work for the FBI in the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I and my team are here to find the person who is making this an even more dangerous place to work. I am sincerely sorry for your loss this morning. I and my team standing beside me will do everything we can to try and not allow something like that to happen again while we are here. If any of you see something off or suspicious, don’t hesitate to tell me, our Media Liaison, or anyone on the team. I promise we won’t get in your way. For now, that’s all.” Aaron stepped back and motioned for the team to move further back into the room as Obermann started giving the instructions for the day's labor. Aaron had cut out a lot of the formalities, his title, and the science behind the team's work. It wasn’t needed now. He had been speaking to hardened working men, not cops, and sounding fancy or professional wouldn’t make their opinions of him or the team any higher. As Obermann gave orders, Aaron similarly divvied up tasks for the team. Garcia, who had much recovered from her shocking morning would continue looking at the terror element and online leads. He and Morgan would look at the crime scenes. Rossi volunteered to watch the men at work and see if he saw anything that fit the profile. JJ, _y/n_, and Emily volunteered to look at the files of the employees again, as well as rewatching any relevant footage, and Spencer would work on a geographic profile if that was even possible in a space this small. Hotch, like Obermann, told his team that he wanted them in pairs. The events of the morning were a clear reminder that there was significant danger for everyone on the rig.

The team worked tirelessly through the day. They all even missed breakfast and lunch. They reconvened at mid-day and shared what they had. Rossi had suspicions about two men, Baker and Price. Em, JJ, and _y/n_ had thoughts about three men: Slainfield, Parkins, and Jotenson. _y/n_ also had a bad feeling about Pete. However, Pete was standing by them so she didn’t say anything to the whole team. But once the man was gone, she approached Aaron. He was leaning over his and Rossi’s notes on the table, but he acknowledged her presence by turning his head to her for a moment. _y/n_ said, “I think that there’s something off about Pete. He seems to match the profile well and…” She paused momentarily and Hotch looked at her closely, saying, “And?” _y/n_ swallowed and said, “Maybe this is silly but he gives me a bad feeling.” Hotch nodded and said, “It’s not silly. We’ll keep an eye on him.”

The team worked through the afternoon and into the evening. Every now and then they would update the group as they discovered new things. Morgan and Hotch had looked at the crime scene and the pictures of the victim. It was clear that this murder was faster and more reckless. It had happened in a more public place unlike the last three and there was less bruising which meant the death had been rushed. Hotch and Rossi made two hypotheses: one was that the killer was trying to show dominance to the team. To demonstrate that he could kill even with them watching. The second was that he was getting sloppy. He might be trying to show strength, but it was evident in the victim’s body that he was slipping. In the evening the team met for dinner with the rest of the workers. The BAU members all sat together at a table on the far side of the room. Clear cliques could be seen in the oil men as the group sat and chattered softly. None of the men looked at the team and they clearly didn’t want to be overheard. It was clear that the team's presence and the fact that a killer was among them was altering their behavior. As _y/n_ looked over the group and then to her friends it all suddenly felt like high school. And in a moment that felt like a bad teen romance, _y/n_ thought of the morning, before Garcia had shifted the course of events for the day with her discovery. _y/n_ had woken early. She wanted a shower even if she didn’t really need it. She had not expected to wake up warm and cozily tucked in Aaron’s arms with his face pressed into her hair. The comfort she found in his embrace knocked the senses out of her for a moment before she realized he was her boss and any feeling that might or might not been growing in her would be rejected. Not that she’d ever have the nerve to say or do anything. She liked her job too much to do something stupid. She liked Aaron too. As a colleague and friend, she wouldn’t want to make things awkward between them. _y/n_ came back to herself and wondered how she could navigate out of the small bed and his warm, strong arms to get to the showers. Just then Penelope had screamed and saved her from having to think about it. _y/n_ snapped back to reality as Emily said something to her. _y/n_ looked over at Prentiss and said, “Sorry, come again?” As she picked up her pizza for another bite.

To call the food good would be hyperbole, but the team was so famished the cafeteria-grade food tasted amazing. The workmen moved to finish their tasks for the night before turning in. The team continued working for an hour or so before many members also turned in for the night. Perhaps it was the cramped space or the fact that the daylight faded quickly leaving the rig in darkness much of the time, or just the sounds of the waves that made them all a little more sleepy than usual. Emily, Garcia, _y/n_, and JJ were one of the groups to turn in early. _y/n_ could tell that Garcia was going to start asking her questions about what the night with Aaron had been like. To avoid having that personal conversation right now, _y/n_ faked a yawn to indicate that she was really sleepy, which she was. Her strategy worked and Garcia, who was actively going to ask _y/n_ about her night yesterday stopped herself realizing that her friend was tired. Each of the women moved to their rooms and got ready for bed. When the lights were off and _y/n_ was under the blanket and her breathing was the only sound in the room, she thought she heard a creaking from the corner of the small space. _y/n_ sat up, but there was obviously no one there. She lay back down and pulled the covers over her head like a little girl. The place unnerved her. It was like an isolated haunted British mansion with a vengeful ghost roaming the corridors. Except this ghost was real and would do more than scare you to death. _y/n_ let out a sigh at her silly thoughts. She cleared her head and actually focused on getting some rest.

Aaron was not the last one up this time. That honor went to Derek who was chatting with Garcia about something technical that he wasn’t sure he fully understood. Hotch stood and excused himself. Aaron was smarter the second night, and he had set out a clean pair of pajamas and his toiletries for his shower night. Aaron grabbed the items and moved back to the shower room. Hotch stripped and moved into one of the communal showers. He pulled the frosted plastic curtain back for privacy. He turned on the water and flinched as the ice-cold water hit his skin. It took a moment before the warm water replaced the frigid. When the hot water did come, he let out a little sigh. He didn’t know where it had come from. He assumed it was from being so tired. From the real and present danger his team was in, and also that there had been a dead body in this very space many hours earlier. As he reflected, he thought, ‘These cases certainly make strange bedfellows of places.’ And it was true. Where hadn’t he seen a crime? Churches, dressing rooms, parks, campgrounds, strip clubs, showers, houses, houses, houses… Aaron tried to not focus on the morbidity of his job. He was actually thinking about the ‘bedfellows’ part of his thought. Because this case was making him have a strange bedfellow in _y/n_. In what world would something like this happen? In what twisted world was he so comfortable with it happening? He thought back to when he woke up holding _y/n_. Now Aaron actually stopped himself from groaning. ‘You’re tired,’ Aaron reassured himself. He more quickly worked through his routine of thoroughly cleaning his skin and washing his hair. After drying off with a towel and changing. He moved back into the room and settled into the bed. As he lay down, he looked at the metal ceiling painted an unimaginative hospital beige. He silently said, ‘You won’t hold _y/n_ tonight._’ He repeated it a few times. It was a technique he used with Jack when he had bad dreams. Aaron told his son that if you say something while you’re awake, like, “I won’t have a nightmare tonight,” that it will happen in your sleep too. Hotch softly chuckled at the fact that he was using a comforting technique for his son on himself. As his thoughts shifted to Jack, he slipped into sleep.

It was the middle of the night, Aaron woke when he felt like all the air had been sucked from the room and a heavy weight seemed to press down on him. He shifted up and looked at _y/n_. He was surprised when he saw her eyes wide open apparently looking at the foot of the bed. He could tell something was off. Her body was stiff like a board. Aaron tried to get her to relax by gently shaking her shoulder and calling her name, but this had no response. Hotch swallowed and placed his fingers over her pulse. It was a bit elevated, but he could see her breathing normally. Her condition scared him, and he called her name again. After a moment _y/n_’s eyes shifted from the edge of the bed and up to the ceiling. Aaron knew there was nothing there, but he looked up at the flat surface anyway. He tried shaking her again. He was wondering if she was having a stroke, but the odd symptoms didn’t look like those of a stroke, and _y/n_ was far too young and healthy to have a stroke. He would have seen it in her medical history and not let her on the team. For another agonizing minute, _y/n lay still. _y/n_ seemed to snap out of whatever this episode was. She quite literally collapsed into the mattress, and she took large unsteady breaths like she was panicking or had been unable to breathe over the last few minutes. Aaron’s voice was filled with concern and worry, as he brushed his hand over her arm and said, _y/n_. What was that?” In a strained voice, _y/n_ said, “Lights. Give me a minute.” Hotch nodded, and he felt relieved hearing her voice, even if it did sound distressed. He leaned over to his side of the wall and flipped the light switch on. The low-level fluorescent glow of the overhead made Hotch blink a few times. When his eyes had adjusted, he watched _y/n_. Her eyes were closed and she was clearly doing some breathing techniques to calm herself and her nervous system down. Aaron’s hand briefly ghosted over her upright palm. For a moment he wanted the take it in his own hand, but he stopped himself. He grabbed at the sheets of the bed and made a fist with the fabric instead. After a few minutes, _y/n_ sat up. One of her legs was bent to her chest, and she placed her forehead in her right hand. Aaron cleared his throat and as if she just now remembered he was there, she turned her head to look at him with her forehead still in her hand. She looked so scared. Her eyes shone with it. After a final beat of silence, _y/n_ said, “Do you know what sleep paralysis is?” Her voice was slightly hoarse, lower than its normal register. Hotch thought about what he knew about the condition. He’d heard of it before, but never experienced it himself. Softly, he replied, “I have. Though I don’t know a lot about it.” _y/n_ nodded and then said, “Well now you’ve seen it.” Seeing _y/n_ like this pulled at his insides, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He moved his hand to the small of her back to provide some comfort.

_y/n_ seemed to settle with his touch, and she took her head out of her hand. Aaron wanted, needed some answers. So as kindly as he could, he asked, “What is that like exactly? You were so stiff for about three minutes.” _y/n_’s brow pinched for a moment and she replied, “It’s like locked-in syndrome a bit. You’re aware, awake but there's no moving or being able to snap out of it. You’re trapped until the episode is over. People see, hear, or feel things. One or all of those things can happen.” Hotch’s mind went back to while the episode was happening. She had clearly been looking at something at the foot of the bed and then at the ceiling. He asked, “Do you see things?” _y/n_ nodded and said, “Yeah.” Aaron could see the discomfort as she thought about it. Aaron wasn’t going to press, but he did wonder what she had seen. His unspoken question was answered by _y/n_, who said, “For me, I… I see a man. He’s large and cloaked in a kind of shadow. Like his body is there but not there. He smiles at me but other than his mouth there’s no face.” _y/n_ swallowed thickly and said, “Normally he’s at the foot of my bed, but sometimes he’s near my face. Tonight he crawled up the wall and looked down at me from the ceiling.” While she spoke about the figure, her voice hitched and Aaron noticed the small sob she was trying to hide. Her description of sleep paralysis sounded horrible. His bouts of insomnia felt like nothing compared to what she described. It was an actual living nightmare. Hotch took a breath and started running a gentle circle on her back with his thumb. He wanted to know more. Like how often does this happen? Or if there’s something that causes these events. But right now he was more concerned about making sure _y/n_ was comfortable and felt safe.

Aaron removed his hand from her back, and this made her look at him more intently. He first acknowledged how frightening that sounded, and he said, “I’m sorry you’ve gone through this. It sounds, scary. Is there anything you do that helps you calm down? Is there anything I can do to help? I could grab you a coffee, or give you space if you need.” _y/n_ gave Hotch one of those small half smiles that she flashed him when he was doing something for her that he didn’t need to exactly. She replied, with a more stable voice, “I, um actually think that coffee might make it worse. Trying to stay up and outlast the feelings doesn’t normally help with anything. But maybe some water would be nice.” Hotch nodded and turned toward the small nightstand on his side of the bed. He grabbed the water bottle that he had taken from dinner. He had only taken a sip or two, and he offered it over to _y/n_ saying, “Is this okay? I just had a sip, but I can get you a new one if you prefer.” _y/n_ chuckled lightly as she unscrewed the cap and took a drink. She really wasn’t worried about germs from Aaron. After a few sips, she put the cap back on and Aaron placed it back on the table. Aaron then asked, “Is there anything else?” _y/n_ continued looking at him and said, “Normally I just grab a weighted blanket and and try and get back to sleep and pray it doesn’t happen again.” The idea that something like this would happen more than once in a night was abhorrent to Hotch. He looked around the room for anything that might act like a weighted blanket even though there wasn’t anything of the kind around. Aaron’s brain came up with an idea and his mouth voiced the thought before he could stop himself. He said, “Maybe I can hold you? It’s not a weighted blanket, but maybe it could help?” There was a silence after the offer was out there. Both Aaron and _y/n_ were a bit surprised. Aaron bit the inside of his mouth at what he had said. He feared that he had crossed a line, and _y/n_ looked at him like she was surprised that he had offered. However, much to Hotch’s relief, she said, “I’d like that, actually.” Aaron nodded and softly replied, “Okay. Do you want me to turn off the lights?” _y/n_ nodded and laid back on the mattress.

Aaron switched off the light and lay flush with the mattress as well. He wasn’t exactly sure how to start what he had offered without it being awkward or uncomfortable. So he started by just taking _y/n_’s hand in the darkness. He gave it a gentle squeeze, and she let out a breath at his touch. His hand trailed up her arm to her bicep where he ran his pointer and middle fingers up and down the area gently. He wanted to ensure that she was okay with this. After a minute of this, _y/n_ softly said, “Aaron, please.” Maybe it was the way he said his first name or the fact that he wanted to provide the comfort that gave him the courage to move his body close to hers. He placed a hand on her hip and asked, “Do you want to face my chest or face the wall?” Her comfort was most important to him. _y/n_ thought for a moment and said, “I’d like the face the wall.” Aaron hummed and positioned himself so his chest was against her back as she turned on her side. With his left arm, he wrapped his arm over her. It rested on her waistline. He didn’t add any pressure, but let the weight of his arm rest on the side of her body. _y/n_ could feel that he was tense; he might even be flexing. She didn’t mention this and after a few minutes, he relaxed like her. When he did this she could fully feel him pressed against her. The soft area of this stomach pressed against her lower back. Before she fell asleep she said, “Thanks Hotch.” With that, she slipped into oblivion.

In the morning it wasn’t odd as they got up. Aaron checked in to see how she was, and _y/n_ said, “I’m alright. I rested pretty well thanks to you. I really appreciate it, Hotch.” Aaron nodded and more nonchalantly than he really felt he said, “I’m just happy that I could help.” _y/n_moved to grab her towel, her work clothes, and her toiletries bag. She stepped into the shower and told JJ good morning. The media liaison was humming some county song behind her privacy curtain and told _y/n_ “Good morning,” as well. _y/n_ and JJ moved to the rec room together. The rest of the team was grabbing breakfast. As soon as Garcia saw _y/n_, she knew something had happened the previous night. The technical analyst and Emily approached _y/n_, and Penelope asked her, “Baby, did something happen? You don’t look well.” _y/n_ shook her head and quietly told her friends, “I had another episode last night. It was a lot worse than the recent ones.” Garcia looked at _y/n_ sympathetically and pulled her into a hug saying, “I’m so sorry, _y/n_. It’s gotta be this place. It’s giving me the heebie-jeebies too.” Aaron watched on as Em, Garcia, and _y/n_ had a quiet conversation near the serving table. He could just hear some of their conversation, and for a moment, he felt left out because _y/n_ hadn’t told him about her sleep paralysis but had clearly let Penelope and Prentiss in on the secret. Aaron realized that immediately that was stupid because the conversation about her sleeping habits didn’t normally just pop up around him. What would she possibly say, “Oh yeah, every now and then a literal sleep demon shows up by my bed, and he doesn’t have a face. Also, I can’t move when it happens. And it could happen anytime I sleep.” Aaron chastised himself and stabbed another bite of eggs onto his fork. At least now he knew about one of the challenges that seemed to haunt _y/n_ outside the job, and he now would do what he could to make her life easier while they were on cases.

The day moved quickly as some leads dropped cold and the pressure was on to get results. There hadn’t been a new attack which indicated that either the unsub was getting scared, or the fact that the team and the workmen being in teams of two and three had stopped them from being able to act. If the pattern of the last two killings heald, the unsub was likely to attack again today. During the afternoon, Spencer and _y/n_ were discussing her theory and the idea that the unsub was impotent. Spencer said, “What if he’s not important at all, but has a pain fetish or something?” _y/n_ looked at Spencer with apprehension, and she replied, “But the impotence matches with the profile. The bat or blunt object is clearly a replacement for the phallus. If the unsub has a pain fetish I think he would take much more time with the victim. Granted in a place like this, there can’t be a lot of time spent on each victim. I’m not sure, now it feels off.” Spencer leaned against the wall and said, “Let’s re-examine that part of the profile in a bit. I have some thoughts about your cabin fever theory.” _y/n_ gave the genius a small smile and said, “Shot. I’m all ears.” What both agents were missing about the first subject of discussion was that it was possible that more than one person was influencing the way the victims were being killed.

It was late, again and Em and _y/n_ were calling it a night. _y/n_ had tried to get to bed before Hotch while they shared the bed. She hoped that if she was asleep when he got back, he would be more comfortable because they wouldn’t have to have any potential awkward ‘good nights’ or shifting around in the bed to try and get comfortable. _y/n_ for one, took what felt like half an hour to find a comfy position and actually get to sleep. The hallway to their room was cloaked in oddly long shadows. For a second Emily thought she heard a dripping sound and looked around for the source of the noise, but she couldn’t see anything from the darkened hall. Emily looked over to _y/n_ and said, “I don’t know about you, but I want to get the fuck off this rig.” _y/n_ nodded in agreement and said, “That gets an Amen from me.” As Prentiss approached her door, she fished for her keys and muttered, “Shit,” under her breath. _y/n_ looked over to Emily and asked, “What is it?” Emily said, “I left my keys on the table.” _y/n_ looked to her friend and then to her own door. It was only ten or so feet away and Em said, “You go to bed. I’ll be fine by myself getting my keys. JJ was planning on heading to bed soon too, so I’ll just walk back with her.” _y/n_ said, “You’re sure?” Prentiss nodded and both women headed their separate ways. Emily moved with determination, wanting to get to bed as quickly as possible.

_y/n_ moved down the hallway and passed the showers. Once she was past the site of the latest victim, a figure emerged from the entrance behind her. _y/n_ wasn’t aware of the man’s presence until he spoke, saying, “Ma’am, you shouldn’t be walking alone.” _y/n_ whipped around and saw the security guard, Joe. _y/n_ suddenly felt a dread build in her stomach, and Joe stepped toward her saying, “Let me walk you to your room at least.” Just as _y/n_ was about to say something, the man lunged at her. His strong hands found their grip on her neck and she choked as he restricted her airway and pushed her harshly against the metal wall. _y/n_ tried to fight the unsub, but her lack of air was making it hard. In an act of desperation, she used her right hand to find the man’s groin and she took his manhood in her hand squeezing the area tightly. Joe removed his hands from her body and said, “Bitch,” as he moved back covering his groin with his hands. _y/n_ tried to catch her breath. She pulled for the gun in her holster with shaking fingers, but Joe was quicker with his nightstick. As he extended the weapon it gave a little swishing sound. Before _y/n_ could fully protect her face with her hands the nightstick made painful contact on the side of her head. _y/n_ reeled, and she saw stars for a second. _y/n_ tried to stay upright, but the pain and confusion had her collapse against the wall. As she crumpled, she could hear Joe say, “How fucking dare you say I’m impotent. You’re going to regret that comment you little bitch.” _y/n_ closed her eyes as she saw the man’s hand holding the weapon raise and lower with considerable force.

Hotch moved down the hallway and stairs that led to the first level of the rig. He was in desperate need of a shower and a distraction. The day had been rough on him. He had had to speak to Obermann about the men suddenly acting different, even with hostility toward the team. They were obviously all on edge, but that didn’t give them a right to badmouth his team. He had also had a very choppy call with Strauss and Mr. Ridgewell. Both were disappointed that he hadn’t found anything yet. Aaron had to explain to Ridgewell specifically how unique a case this was. Aaron wondered why Erin hadn’t told the Commissioner this information before. Was his boss angry with him as well? Making him do this sort of soft groveling as a sort of punishment? To prove that he and the team were valuable? Aaron had also had a long conversation with Garcia about more messages that had been shared from the alleged foreign agents. Hotch was beginning to think that this part of the case was all a ruse by the unsub to distract the team’s time and energy. As Hotch got lower on the stairs, he heard a snapping sound and the small moan of pain that came after a particularly loud cracking sound had his hand on his gun in an instant. Aaron quietly moved down the final steps and he saw the younger security guard leaning over a prone figure that he recognized as _y/n_. Aaron authoritatively said, “I have a gun pointed at the back of your skull. Unless you want your brains decorating these walls, I’d put your hands behind your head and slowly stand.” Unfortunately for Aaron, Joe had heard Hotch’s footsteps and had grabbed his knife, which he kept hidden in his back pocket, and pressed it close to _y/n_’s neck. Joe called back, “I wouldn’t if I were you, Agent Hotchner. I have my knife pressed to your agent's neck. So unless you want her bleeding out from her carotid artery, I’d put down your gun, and kick it toward me.” Aaron clenched his jaw but replied, “Alright. I’m doing it now.” Hotch would never jeopardize a member of his team. The fact that he couldn’t see how hurt _y/n_ was and the fact that she wasn’t moving almost made him sick. He slowly moved his center of gravity down and set his handgun on the cold smooth floor. Aaron pushed the weapon toward Joe. The unsub felt behind himself until his hands found the gun. Joe moved to face Aaron, dropped the knife, and grabbed his nightstick instead. Joe commanded Aaron to raise his hands and put them behind his head. Hotch did as told and when the unsub was a foot away from Aaron, Joe quickly raised his nightstick and hit Aaron on the side of the face. The blow wasn’t well aimed, and it didn’t have as much power as he had used with _y/n_, but it was still enough to incapacitate the FBI agent for a moment. As Hotch slumped against the wall, Joe pushed past him and ran to an external door at the end of the hallway.

After a second, Aaron came back to himself and he clicked on his open communication channel with the team and he said, “The unsub is Joe Pabst. He just attacked _y/n_. He exited the southwest door. The channel came to life as Aaron moved toward _y/n_ on unsteady feet. He collapsed next to _y/n_ and checked her breathing and pulse. It was clear that she was unconscious and battered, but her pulse seemed alright. She seemed to be struggling to breathe due to the trauma on her nose. Aaron couldn’t tell if it was broken or not, but the blood leaking from it and the bruising already there told him that it was hard for her to breathe through it. Thankfully Rossi and Garcia came to his side in a second. Rossi motioned that he would stay with _y/n_ and at seeing this, Aaron got to his feet to pursue the unsub. He listened as Derek, Spencer, and Emily approached the man who had harmed _y/n_. Outside on the slick side of the rig, Aaron fought the wind. He moved up to the top platform and saw Derek and Spencer in a stand-off with the unsub who was on the rigging of the derrick itself. A light shone out, highlighting the unsubs form standing high above the waves. Hotch lined up a shot with the second gun he wore on his left ankle. Just as he was preparing to fire an incapacitating shot, Joe moved to the edge of the small platform, and by some twist of fate, or a simple design flaw, the chain railing slipped from one of its posts, and because Joe was leaning his weight on the barrier, he flailed wildly before plummeting into the choppy sea below. Aaron called Morgan on the secure channel and said, “Go see if you can find Joe. I’ll wake Obermann and let him know what’s just happened.” Derek confirmed Hotch’s directions. As much as Aaron would like the unsub to drown, it was still his job to make sure monsters like Joe faced the full weight of justice if possible.

A half-hour later Aaron was back by _y/n_’s side. Rossi had moved _y/n_ to the rec room and the travel medical evacuation team was en route. _y/n_ hadn’t woken yet and Aaron feared a bad concussion or worse, something like a brain bleed from the head trauma she had received. Aaron also couldn’t deny that he was feeling unwell. The lights were a bit bright for him, but he ignored his own pain to be seated next to _y/n_. When the helicopter came, Rossi insisted that Aaron ride with _y/n_ to the nearest hospital because he might also need medical care. Hotch acquiesced and boarded the helicopter with the paramedics and pilot. The sun was just rising above the horizon line as the chopper moved up and over where the Alaskan sea met the cold, hard land. At the hospital Aaron reluctantly submitted himself to an exam, but he only had thoughts for _y/n_ who was seen a few rooms down.

When _y/n_ woke a few hours later, her head pounded in pain. Even though she was hurting, she could sense that she was somewhere new. Her last memories were of Joe approaching her. As someone near her shifted, she opened her eyes and tried to see through the glare of her blurry vision. Aaron sat up as _y/n_ stirred. His head was lightly bandaged to stop the bleeding from his temple. _y/n_ struggled to say, “It was Joe.” Aaron nodded and said, “Yeah. Joe and Pete, but we can talk about that later. I’m going to call the doctor for you.” As Aaron waited for Dr. Ramirez to come and check in on _y/n_ he looked her over again. Her face was deeply bruised. There were other sites of trauma on her body including a fractured wrist and some bruised ribs. The doctors assumed that she had a grade III concussion due to the fact that she had been unconscious for as long as she had. Hotch could see the pain in her eyes, but even so, she said, “It’s nice to have someone one I really like be beside my bad instead of shadow man.” _y/n_ cringed slightly from the pain and how stupid ‘shadow man,’ sounded to her. She had never named her sleep paralysis demon. She refused to give it an identity. She looked at Aaron who was also a bit damaged. She wanted him to hold her again, but due to the fact that they were in a hospital, and he was her boss, that seemed a bit implausable. So she extended her hand out to him. Aaron took it in both of his hands, and his calloused fingers moved gently over her knuckles and palm. Before she closed her eyes against the brightness of the room, she saw a ghost of a smile on Hotch’s face. It always showed up in the crow's feet by his eyes.

A day and a half later, the team was headed back home. Joe’s body still hadn’t been found in the rough sea. It was possible that it may never be recovered. Aaron was fine with this. Pete, who had influenced Joe had been taken into custody and was awaiting a hearing. The doctors had recommended a three-day leave of absence for Aaron and a week-long recovery period for _y/n_ for both of their healing. Aaron was going to insist on a longer break for _y/n_. And if he was medically forced from the office, that should give the team a bit of a reprieve as well. As the team settled on the jet, Aaron found himself seated next to _y/n_. Discretely, his left hand found its place close to her thigh. The tips of his fingers softly touching _y/n_’s upper leg. _y/n_ seemed to be asleep, and Aaron looked over her face which was bandaging on her nose, crown, and temple. At his touch, _y/n_ shifted her body towards his in her sleep. The part of Aaron that was growing fonder and fonder for _y/n_ contentedly filled his chest. He would have to do some self-reflection once he was home about these feelings. Once his hand was a bit more firmly planted on _y/n_’s leg, Hotch thought about how demons really were real. Either those who showed up unwanted in horrifying waking nightmares, or people like Joe, who had been influenced by the older, isolated, and impotent Pete, who had told his protege to enact violence for him. But as Aaron looked over the dimmed jet cabin at his team --all of whom were asleep except for Garcia and Rossi. Aaron thought of them as his gaze returned to _y/n_. Yes, demons were real, but he was there to take care of them, whatever form they took. And that gave him the strength to keep going.

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cannonball5 · 2 years

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My head canons for the Girls post graduation:

Spoilers Obviously

First James and Erin were dating in 3x07 and no one can convince me otherwise. Erin and James dated until the end of summer. They were each other’s firsts for a lot of things. Their first “I love you” happens in the middle of their first real fight as a couple. They were each other’s first time which happened about 5 minutes after their first fight. They both got into different Universities and so agreed to break up before leaving for school so they don’t strain their relationships with their friends since they won’t see them as much now (I imagine a last kiss at the train station as one of them boards).

Erin goes to school and studies English and Literature. She gets a job at a publishing house after graduating from University and continues her writing (she will often try to slip her manuscripts to her bosses). She started to focus on YA fantasy when Harry Potter blew up and Erin frequently calls J.K. Rowling her “Nemesis.”

James goes to school in London for University but also because he finds out his mom’s pregnant by her new husband (James didn’t even know she remarried). He decides to be close by to give his new sibling at least a partially stable “Parental Figure.” He decides to Major in Film but also takes a minor in business. Not long after graduating he goes over to his mom’s to find out she’s packed and gone on a vacation with her new boyfriend and that she’ll be “back in a month, tops.” James realizes almost immediately she’s packed all her stuff and probably isn’t coming back anytime soon. Knowing he can’t care for both himself and his little sister (plot twist his mom’s horrible) James moves back to Derry. When he moves back he buys one of Dennis’s old shops and makes it into a nerd paraphernalia store. It does well even before the Doctor Who revival because it hosts regular movie nights showing films sooner than even theaters thanks to some old film school friends.

Orla decides to travel after graduating. She packs a bag (of mostly sweets) and over the next 5 years travels the world. She steps foot on every continent (when she visited Antarctica she had to be stopped from smuggling penguins in her bags), she learned self defense fighting from multiple sources, discovered she’s a prodigy in Yoga, met Kamal when she was in Africa, fought in underground fight clubs, accidentally started a cult, and at one point assisted MI6 with an operation (she may or may not be an inspiration for a Bond Girl). After getting back home she told her stories to Erin who used them as inspiration for a moderately successful YA series. Also Orla is never hurting for money as she apparently partially owns the rights to several international hit songs and movies. She currently owns a Yoga studio with an Ice Cream/Sweets shop attached.

Clare after being in therapy to help with her grief and anxiety she became fascinated by the human mind and started studying psychology. She eventually becomes a therapist and opens a practice back home. While she deals in all matters of mental health she specializes mostly in anxiety. A few years after opening her practice she also starts a Help Line for LGBTQ+ kids and teens (it’s her proudest accomplishment). Clare also starts dating the manager she hired to run the help line. They’ve been living together since 2011 and were engaged in 2012. They adopted 3 kids (2 girls and a boy) as well as 2 cats before they officially got married in 2020.

Michelle lost focus a bit after graduating. With her friends gone she didn’t know what to do. She became a bartender and was actually pretty good at it (she also likes to joke she’s doing what Clare wants to do without the fancy degree and she gets to drink when she does it). After a few years slinging drinks she realizes she wants more out of life. After spending time with her brother Michelle decides to get involved with the Justice system. She starts taking night classes studying pre-law and while she is struggling to find a law school she has a chat with her mom and decides to change course. Her mom asks her how she wants to help people and tells Michelle that while she doesn’t have a medical degree she believes she makes more of an impact in people’s lives than the doctors. After that Michelle joins Law Enforcement to not only help her community and people but also to hold her fellow officers to a higher standard. Michelle now is a Chief Inspector. She also is divorced and shares custody of her twins with her Ex.

Also Erin and James did eventually get back together. They did date other people (James dated Jenny Joyce for about 2 months, a secret he plans to take to his grave), but they started dating again in 2007, exactly 10 years to the day of their first kiss. They got married on the 10 year anniversary of there breakup (Erin liked the full circle feel of it). They got pregnant about 6 months after their wedding and have a daughter, Josephine Deirdre Maguire (they call her Joey).

Sorry it’s so long. If you made it this far kudos to you.

#derry girls #jerin #james x erin #erin x james #erin quinn #james maguire #michelle mallon #clare devlin #orla mccool

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hothothotch · 2 years

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𝚏𝚒𝚡 𝚢𝚘𝚞 | 𝚊𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚗 𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚗𝚎𝚛 𝚡 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚗𝚎

SUMMARY: for the past five years you’ve been working as a crucial part of the President’s Secret Service, protecting the most powerful woman on the country. But when, after a tragedy happens, you’re requested to replace FBI’s Unit Chief, you have to deal with a team that is not yours, and a skeptic Aaron Hotchner that, amongst other things, wants you to go away. [SET IN SEASON 5]

TW: canon-typical CM content (i’ll put the specific triggers on the chapters :D)

A/N: yeah, i know i promised a cute hotch x babysitter fluff, like, MONTHS ago, but this idea has been plaguing my mind since then and I was like ‘yeaaah, why not?’. also, this is my first try at an enemies to loves kinda story, so don’t hate me if it doesn’t work.

You were never a huge fan of silence — you were taught from a young age that silence predicted disaster, and the mere thought of staying in silence inside a room with someone was enough to set your nerves, hence why you always tried to have full control of the environment (not to say you were a complete control freak).

This time was no different. The silence inside Erin Strauss’ office was deafening, and screamed clearly inside your ears that a disaster was coming soon; your body seemed to have noticed that, too, since your brain had been involuntarily sending anxious messages to your feet (that were stomping non-stop under the fancy wooden table of the FBI’s Section Chief) and to your hands, that had been tapping your legs not as gently as you wanted them to be.

You took a deep breath, expecting that the woman in front of you hadn’t noticed how your chest trembled, or how your breath hitched at the movement. Shit, you thought, when did I become a frightened kitten?

Having worked for the past five years as the head of the Secret Service (the President’s Secret Service), one of the first things you learnt was to keep your anxiety at bay, since (even if you tried your hardest) there was just no way you could control your environment, just keep it as safe as possible so events like President Kennedy’s murder wouldn’t happen again.

Truth be told, it was a terrible experience, the idea of not being able to keep everything perfectly neat or the thought alone that one wrong step could cost the most powerful woman in the country’s life were enough to send anxious synapses all over your body, and for the first month or so you had trouble sleeping, your mind racing as you thought about each and every possible outcome that your irresponsibility could trigger.

You were pretty much a frightened kitten back then, but it had been five years ago. Since then you’ve been to parades, you had made sure that the President was safe, you’ve been in dinners with her — both as her security guard and her friend. You’ve sat personally with the President of the Free World and had talks about security strategies, personal life and how the country still seemed to be against the fact they had a black woman as their President (but that was a talk you never really delve deeper), and the feeling wasn’t quite as intimidating as sitting in front of the FBI’s Section Chief in a heart-stopping silence for 10 minutes.

Silence predicts disaster. And Erin Strauss was a master in keeping silence.

“Well… I have to say your resume is really impressive, Agent”.

You blinked, your mind finding it hard to bring you back from your previous unmoving and anxious state to the present, where Erin Strauss looked straight at you, her glasses on her hand and her unsettling gaze lingering on your face, studying your reactions.

No, she was studying you. Testing you to see if you were what she needed. And even if you were simply not interested in this job, it was instinct the way your body automatically straightened, your head held high as your own gaze met Strauss’; out of sudden, you were not that frightened kitten anymore, looking for a good way out of that place and regretting the moment you told President Amaya that you could deal with an FBI position — you were the woman the Secret Service molded you to be: strong, determined.

A leader.

“Yes, ma’am” you agreed, bobbing your head up and down. You’ve never been one to fake formalities — you knew you had an impressive resume, principally considering your were only 25, and whenever someone acknowledged the fact you were proud, because you have fought foot and tail to be where you were now. Blushing and saying it was nothing would be brush off the years of studying, training and working hard you’ve had all these years, “That was what put me in the Secret Service, they don’t accept anyone there. It’s the President’s life that is at stake”.

“I see” Strauss nodded, putting her glasses back on to look down at the manila folder where your documents were in, “And you have FBI training, too?”.

You nodded again, interlacing your fingers on your legs, “I joined the Academy one year before the Secret Service. I’ve done all the training, and the profiling course, but I received an opportunity to work at the Secret Service before I found an Unit I could fit in, so I took the opportunity”.

Strauss didn’t seem impressed by your statement — she didn’t seem like someone that got easily impressed at all —, instead, kept her judgmental glance on your resume, turning pages every now and again, as if looking for something she could criticize, or something exceptionally special.

You tried to keep the unsatisfied and offended look to appear on your face, your pride speaking louder as you thought that everything in your resume was special.

Suddenly your anxiety had gone off, opening space for your pride — and it had been hurt by Erin Strauss and her skeptical look.

“You know…” the blonde woman placed her glasses on top of her table, crossing one leg on top of the other as she leant against her chair, that emitted a soft ‘creek’ from the woman’s movement. She seemed comfortable, but not less formal than she had been the whole time, “With this resume and a history at the Secret Service, I don’t get why you’d want to join the FBI”.

That was a great question, and it had an even greater answer: you didn’t. You were really happy working with your old colleagues at your old job, being the head of the Secret Service and making sure that every person inside the White House was safe; it was a place you could easily administer, and you were used to your teammates. You loved your job.

But after the incident, well… it had been deemed that it would be best for you to step away from your job for a while, to prevent future accidents and (in the worlds of Madam President), for ‘your own mental healt’; you had the impression that it was merely an excuse to convince you to leave, and it wouldn’t have worked if she hadn’t take the matters at her own hands.

“You need a less stressful job” President Amaya had said, her posture was similar to Strauss’ at that moment, though her voice was soft — she was your friend, after all, “I talked with a friend at the FBI, apparently the BAU is having a hard time with their Unit Chief and looking for someone to replace him. I think you’d do a great job”.

You had no idea of how hunting serial killers was less stressful than taking the risk of being shot in the name of the President (as far as you knew, the BAU captured at least one serial killer per week), but you wouldn’t question her decision. To a certain degree, you knew Amaya wasn’t talking only as the President (someone that had to be concerned over her staff’s health and security), but as your friend; she was worried because everyone was worried, and because she knew you were worried — God, you were freaked out, anxious, going absolutely nuts — but your job always came first, and both of you knew that you were not giving up the job you loved to take care or yourself.

And that was exactly what you wanted to tell Strauss, hoping the woman would say you didn’t fit the pattern to work fill the Unit Chief position. But you wouldn’t — not because you were afraid, but because you knew it would be just a matter of time before President Amaya found another Federal Organization to put you in.

So you decided for a half truth instead, nervously running your hand through your hair, “Working for Madam President was — is an honor. But I’ve been doing this for the past five years, and I think I want a…” she sighed, trying to hide the role of her eyes, “Less stressful job”.

Strauss knitted her brows, looking at you through her thick eyelashes, “And you believe that profiling and hunting serial killers is less stressful than being head of the Secret Service?”.

“I think that hunting serial killers is less stressful than taking the risk of being shot in the name of Madam President every single day” you replied, trying to put as much honesty at it, even if it was a thoroughly built lie, “And it’s just a temporary job, for what I’ve heard?”.

“It is” Strauss nodded, crossing her arms in front of her body, “Agent Hotchner is the current Unit Chief, but he had been having some… trouble with the job, and I’ve been concerned about it. So, in order not to have the Board involved, I took the matter in my own hands”.

“He’s not being fired, though?”

“No” the woman shook her head. You noticed when she took a deep breath, her lips parted as a sigh escaped her lips, her chest going up and down slowly… she was impatient, wasted, almost worried. You just didn’t know if this worry was directed to her, to the previous Unit Chief or the whole situation, “He stepped back voluntarily, so we’re keeping him on the team. Agent Hotchner even suggested that one of his Agents, Derek Morgan, should take his place, but the decision wasn’t approved”.

You tilted your head to the side, “May I ask why?”.

“Agent Morgan is a capable Agent, and one of trust” Erin said succinctly, her feet moving nervously as she bounced on the chair, “But Agent Morgan is a member of Agent Hotchner’s team, and I can’t ignore the fact that he may be… biased”.

You nodded slowly, “And you’re also afraid Agent Hotchner’s gonna use him as a way to keep controlling the team behind the curtains”. It wasn’t a question, but the hard look on Strauss’ face was the behavioral answer you needed; the Section Chief certainly didn’t like to be questioned, “Got it”.

“Your position here is gonna be temporary” Erin changed the topic, and the way her body suddenly stiffened only made you even more sure that you’ve gotten in her nerves, “We’re looking for an specific serial killer, and he has threatened not only Agent Hotchner, but the integrity of this team. Your job is to keep them focused on what really matters: do their jobs”.

“So you want them to be neutral?” You clarified, “Not to be affected by something that’s clearing affecting them”.

“Yes” she replied quickly, “They can’t concentrate on their job if they’re constantly with their minds somewhere else. You need to put their minds back where they’re supposed to be”.

“So I’m a babysitter” you commented, finally letting your frustration show, “A filler”.

“You’re an asset to this team” Strauss corrected, passing a file over to you, “With your resume, I can’t risk letting you go. You’re gonna be of great help while you’re here”.

You nodded, your eyes lingering at the name on the file — George Foyet, open case, “And how long is this gonna take?”.

Strauss looked down at the folder she had passed you, and the answer was, once again, clear — it would take as much time as this case lasted.

God, you’d kill Amaya.

“Ok” you agreed in a whisper, grabbing the badge she had handed to you previously, your name and picture strange on that new badge, “It’s gonna be a pleasure to serve the FBI”.

Strauss gave her a small smile, “And it’s gonna be a pleasure to have you for the time being” she stood up, fixing her skirt, “Now come on, I’ll introduce you to the team”.

next —>

#aaron hotchner x reader #criminal minds #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner #bring aaron hotchner back #bau #criminal minds bau #reader #criminal minds season 5 #secret service #the president is a woman #and so is the head of the secret service #aaron hotchner being an ass #hotch #hotch x reader #hotch x you

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everybody-loves-purdy · 2 months

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Since ur blog title says "AVOS is underrated", may I ask which arc in your opinion is OVERrated?

I’m sorry oots fans, it’s nothing personal… but yeah it’s oots for me, for sure.

I went into my reread really excited for oots and after I finished I was disappointed. The first half was honestly fine! I liked it but then for me it all just came apart in the second half as the lack of planning the Erins had for the arc became very unclear. And that isn’t a baseless claim, it is on record that Hollyleaf was originally meant to have a power until outcast was being written and how Cinderpelt’s reincarnation wasn’t entirely thought out at the time it was implicated. Hollyleaf not having a power is a huge deal that probably caused Dovewing and Ivypool to even exist in the first place and the fact that only came halfway through the writing process of power of three isn’t encouraging.

I just think oots is mainly remembered so fondly due to nostalgia, love for the characters, especially the idea of the dark forest trainees, and the way it concluded the Vicky era. Actually reading it (for me) in the latter half it feels taped together with duct tape and a positive attitude.

Don’t get me wrong I like the arc overall but it could have been so much more.

If anyone wants me to expand on these at all please let me know but here’s some of the problems I have with oots specifically

Dovewing’s POV becomes very redundant for the middle of the arc, it doesn’t really add anything and is mainly about Tigerheart

Lionblaze’s POV doesn’t really add anything, apart from Cinderheart stuff mainly but that could have been told through other characters

Ivypool’s entire arc has very little pay off. She never actually learns anything as a spy and it’s all completely undermined by Dovewing just listening into the dark forest anyway in the last book and hearing everything. And it’s not even like Ivypool acknowledges that her sister achieved something on 5 seconds which she never achieved in several moons and killed Antpelt over.

The Three’s powers just don’t do anything particularly special in the end? Apart from Jayfeather who reunified StarClan but even that subplot just felt forced. I guess you could count Dovewing listening into the dark forest and finding out all their plans too but then what was Ivypool for?

The forgotten warrior just painfully feels like “plot points we haven’t gotten to resolving yet: the book” as I read it.

The pacing of the arc is very steady until literally everything is just kind of crammed into the last two books, and even then the pacing still feels both simultaneously slow and fast in those books, it’s weird.

What was the dark forests plan? Were they just going to kill everyone? What then? Was that the point? Why? Why now? It’s just never explained.

Where did all the extra dark forest cats come from in the battle? The clans were overrun by dark forest warriors but we only had a handful named, and it’s not like most of the recruits were helping out. If someone as recent as Mapleshade was already almost faded then it’s not like there should be that many evil cats older than her in this time of canonity where cats faded rather than apparently stick around forever.

I don’t understand how the dark forest cats seriously thought their recruitment drive would work considering they didn’t reveal to most cats that they were evil until right before the battle. Did they seriously not foresee the cats lead there under false pretences would turn on them?

Tigerheart’s behaviour towards Dovepaw/wing

I am so sorry oots fans. That’s just how I felt reading it, it just frustrated me in the latter half. I had a good time for the most part in the first half then it all came apart. I don’t even think that’s all the problems I have with it. And like I say I do like it overall! We just could have had so much more and I do truly think that nostalgia is carrying lots of the positive feelings towards this arc. The lack of conclusiveness would be ripped to shreds if it came out today.

#kajenus

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fighterkimburgess · 1 year

Text

Lover

Summary: work, therapy, home. Kim’s got a routine again. But there’s one thing missing from it all.

Warnings: mentions of Kim’s previous canonical trauma, explicit discussions of the aftermath of a miscarriage.

—

The oversized hoodie Kim kept in the trunk of the car needed to be washed, the scent that calmed her when she was talking about everything that happened two years before nearly gone. But she held the cuffs to her nose and inhaled deeply, a tiny bit of Adam’s aftershave still clinging to it.

“Did anything change when you went back to work after the miscarriage?”

“Everything.” In not so many words she explained what the days in between were like. Her refusal to have a D&C, instead naturally dealing with it. Punishing herself by not taking painkillers because she had killed her child.

Except she hadn’t. She hadn’t killed their baby. She’d fought to protect three lives that night and two had made it out alive. It was awful and tragic but it wasn’t her fault. And that’s what she was learning.

It wasn’t her fault Kent targeted her that night. It was her fault she didn’t have her window up, but if she hadn’t then she’d probably have been dead when Adam arrived at the scene from a bullet to her head. It wasn’t her fault Walton shot her. It was her will to live that kept her alive. It was not letting Makayla lose another mother. It was wanting to live.

It was wanting Adam again.

She could recognise that now. There was enough time and space and she’d lived with Adam for longer than they’d been engaged at this point. She’d lived with him for longer than their entire romantic relationship at this point. Nearly two years of joint bedtime stories, of anguish when Mack was taken and joy when she returned. Of ice skating and bird watching and snowman building.

And somewhere along the way Kim had fallen back in love with him again. Adam had become the man she knew he could be. The man he wanted to be. And he’d done it himself. He’d grown up and bought them a goddamn house so Mack could live the life they wanted for her. He was a dad. He was a damn good cop and if she could take back those words from two years before and make herself ask how he was before what he did she’d do it in a heartbeat.

He made her smile. He made her laugh. He made Makayla laugh, telling her stories about the first time he and Kim did patrol together, wiggling his hips like Kim taught him. He constantly had painted nails and more than once had stared down a suspect who made a comment before saying “my daughter did them for me.” He was a good man and their daughters father and she didn’t know how to tell him she wanted to try again. If he even felt the same way.

In the car on the way home her phone buzzed, Mouse appearing on the car screen. She answered.

“Hey, I’m driving home so I’ll warn you.”

“Home to Mack and Adam?”

“Yeah.” It was quiet for a minute, Kim hearing the older man think. Their friendship was formed through Platt adopting them both, and now that Mouse was stateside again they talked at least once a week. He’d settled in Florida, happy and healthy and working for a tech company down there.

“You’re in love with him.”

“I am. I’m in love with Adam Ruzek.” It was the first time she’d said it out loud since she’d told Erin all those years before.

“Just gotta tell him now. When are you home?”

“Right now.” She pulled up outside the house, Mouse mumbling for a second.

“Tell him, Kimberly. Or Trudy will and we both know how that is. I’ll talk to you next week, tell Mack we’ll FaceTime soon?”

“Of course.”

As soon as she got inside it was the usual evening routine. Makayla greeted her with a hug, Kim hugging her back before sitting down to dinner. Adam’s cooking was improving, today was shrimp pasta with a lemon sauce. Mack wanted just garlic instead and he had her pasta separate to await her approval, garlic bread high on the plate.

“How was skating?” Kim asked, Mack grinning.

“It was so much fun! Jordan taught me to hip check him and I got him! Uncle Kevin and Dad took a video.”

“Yeah?” The Dad didn’t go unnoticed, nor did the way Adam’s eyes shone as Mack continued to talk about doing math homework. “And for science we need to count the birds we see and I told Mrs Young that my dad built us a bird feeder so I’m gonna email a photo so she can see it and maybe we build one in school too.”

She was energetic, an extra story before bed. Soon Makayla would be too old for her parents to read to her each night, but now Kim and Adam were taking full advantage and reading chapters of Percy Jackson to her. It was everything. But Makayla was asleep and she closed the door gently, going out to the living room.

Adam had two glasses of soda on the table waiting for them, a bowl of popcorn in the middle. The tv was waiting to press play on Death in Paradise, and Kim curled up on the couch. Ever since her therapist has advised stopping drinking, Adam had been sober with her. He didn’t have a drink at his poker nights even. It was one of the many ways he showed he loved her.

“Press play?” They watched the familiar scene play out, the dead body found before calypso music played and Adam shimmied around on the couch to the theme tune to make her laugh. He leaned over her to get a handful of popcorn and that’s when she knew.

She sat forward and pressed a kiss to the side of his mouth, not sure what to expect. His head turned and fully kissed her, Kim pulling him to her and deepening the kiss. Finally they separated, but breathing deeply and smiling.

“I love you.” Kim spoke first. “I love you and I love our family and I want us. I want us together. As long as you do?” Her words got softer as she finished speaking.

“I love you too. And yes. All of it.”

The next morning Kim woke to Makayla shaking her arm, Kim blinking rapidly to wake.

“Everything ok?” She asked, Mack shaking her head.

“Dads not in his room!”

“I’m right here, kiddo. What’s up?”

Their daughter crawled into bed with them for Saturday morning cartoons and cuddles before Adam got dressed to get their breakfast, kissing Kim goodbye as he left. Her heart was full, and she couldn’t help but grin as she and Mack got the table ready for the weekend ahead.

She may not be healed, she may not fully heal, but she was happy and in love and what else could she want?

#who knew to make me write Burzek again I just needed spite #have a family fic #well ficlet #Burzek #Kim burgess #adam ruzek

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agent-bash · 10 days

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Have we ever found out Hailey's age? I've a few different answers out there and now I'm just confused.

I think I've broken this down before, but I'm too lazy to find it.

To my recollection, they've never given Hailey or anyone else on the team a specific date of birth other than Erin and Kim.

For Erin, we know they were preparing to celebrate her 30th Birthday in 2x20, which aired in late April 2015. Ergo, Erin was born in April-ish 1985.

Kim, they gave a glimpse of her medical/personnel file or something in an episode in season 4(? I think), which gave her birth year 1988 (and I also believe gave her middle name as Rebecca). But that's it. We got nothing on anyone else.

The only thing to keep in mind when trying to figure out her age on the show is that Hailey could not have become a cop before she turned 21. The minimum age requirement to enter the Police Academy is 21. You can sit the pre-required testing at 20, but you can't start anything else until you are 21.

Under the cut because this got long.

For me—always, but especially after 9x13—Hailey having a birthday later than extremely early 1991 is impossible. And even 1991 honestly is a stretch to me. I tend to go with 1990 as her DOB, I think it just fits all the info that we've been given over the years the best.

Here's my evidence

4x21: We have a firm date here, February 9, 2003. That's when Hailey's family's restaurant got robbed, and that's when she met Trudy; Trudy is why she became a cop. Great! I think this date is what gets retconned later; more on that in a bit.

Chicago Med 5x04 the Infections crossover: When Hailey is in quarantine with Amanda, she talks about the robbery and Trudy being her inspiration for being a cop. She says she was 12 years old when the restaurant was robbed. Since, up to this point, we know this occurred in Feb 2003, 1990 is likely and early 1991 is reasonable but not as probable. Again, we know this age gets retconned later; hold tight on it for a second.

Until 8x11, these things were canon and solidly put Hailey's birthday falling between February 10, 1990, and February 9, 1991 (how much would it have sucked if the robbery was on her birthday?!?). Statistically, it favours her being born in 1990.

From here, we enter retcon territory.

8x11: This episode aired in 2021 and screws up the previous canon. Here, Hailey said she's been a cop for 12 years. This makes a 1990 or later birthday impossible. Because 2021-12+2009. Meaning the latest she could have been born was late March/very early April 1989, and assumes she became a cop right when she was 21 years old. Making 1988 (or earlier) more probable.

However, 9x13 both corrected 8x11 and then screwed more things up. BUT! Because how long Hailey had been on the job is now a plot point in the episode, it's a lot safer from being retconned, and what has to inform her age because we a specific age she has to have been at the start of her career.

9x13: They celebrate Hailey's 10 years of being a cop. This episode aired in 2022. To be a cop for 10 years when this episode aired in late Feb 2022, Hailey can be born no later than late Feb 1991 and again favours 1990 (or earlier) as her year of birth.

9x13 is also where the robbery comes back into play. She told Kevin she was 10 when it happened. Given everything else we get in this episode that firms up that a DOB no later than Feb 1991 is possible one of two things happened with the robbery date:

1) She misspoke (unlikely IMO given how imprinted that event likely is on her.) You can apply the same logic to 8x11 if you want.

2) They've retconned when the robbery happened shifting it earlier (2000/2001 ish). Given that February 2003 hasn't been mentioned again since 4x21 and really wasn't the main point of that scene, this is more likely.

So, if you're looking to give Hailey's age for something that is in line with the current canon of the show, She's 33 to 34 years old. You could go for a couple years older as well fairly easily, but anything younger than 33 doesn't fit the info they've given us.

#asked and answered #Hailey Upton #Don't be mad at me if you don't like the ages #Be mad at math!#Or inconsistent writing #but even then no later feb 1991

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fateheartblog · 1 year

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Welcome to Fateheart: a Starless Seaquel blog

'Fateheart: A Starless Seaquel' is my fan-sequel to Erin Morgenstern's 'The Starless Sea'. You can read it here on Ao3. This blog is building upon both books as part of a unified canon - and I will post about them here as if they are a continuum of the same world.

I already have a blog devoted to Zachary and Dorian (link below), but I wanted a place to collect things which resonate with the imagery and world of Fateheart more widely. So here you will find posts which remind me of the new Harbour, poetry which contains flashes of the world beneath the world, excerpts of Fateheart itself, many, many references to both books, and occasionally headcannons which build upon the story told in Fateheart. I will attempt to avoid spoilers, but can't promise anything.

If you have not read Fateheart but you have read The Starless Sea, some of the leaps might seem strange - but I implore you to give Fateheart a chance if you're curious. If you have not read The Starless Sea either, then really what are you doing here - go treat yourself to the most magnificent novel you'll read this Tuesday.

Here's to seeking, and to finding, and to stories which yield new life in the hands of the people who love them.

We rise, we fall

-BoogleBoot

(My main blog is here, my Zachary/Dorian blog is here. Fateheart itself, once more for the people in the gallery, is here)

#I've stuck with the 'Starless Seaquel' pun this far and I'm not giving it up without a fight #The Starless Sea #Fateheart #Erin Morgenstern #Fanfiction #Fanfic #Headcannons #The Harbor #The Harbour #The Owl King #I'm gonna spell Harbour the English way because I am English #And I'm gonna persist in referring to Zachary and Dorian as the Fateheart-Rawlins #bite me #I love it here

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kim-ruzek · 3 months

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Any headcanons about your fave characters and ships you want to share? 🙂🙂

Why is it ALWAYS the way that whenever I get asked this, I seem to immediately forget all my headcanons? I love talking about my headcanons and I always want to have the opportunity to share them, but each and every time my mind panics and forgets them.

I've thought this over for a couple days and been casually writing up my answer but I don't think I'm going to remember much else that I've already written, or that I don't want to share because I hate feeling like people are Judging me (those headcanons are for Cíara's ears only apparently lol).

I've spent an awful amount of time thinking about Kim, so all of these will be around her. And some of these are ones that are shared/developed with Cíara.

Because I've always got a soft spot for lingess' friendship: Erin and Kim are still friends, and still keep in touch. If they ever see each other in person, it has to be Kim visiting her in New York, which she has, albeit not very much due to both of their works. Kim hasn't managed to go to see her since at least 2019, though. I have more headcanons about this but I'll keep it just as this.

I've talked about this one before and to my ire canon keeps trying to make this seem less and less likely for me to pretend is canon lol - Sylvie and Kim are close friends. They try to have a girls night and they originally bonded over having failed engagements. As an extension of this, which is one that came from Cíara, girls' night usually consists of Sylvie, Kim and Severide.

Zoe, Kim's niece, was born when Kim was 17. As per canon, Kim was kind of a nightmare as a teen, so I headcanon that Zoe's birth is what grounded her more, because Zoe deserved an aunt.

These ones changes occasionally depending how I feel and what works best for my fic usually, but Kim graduated at 17, not 18 and/or for a year or so, she primarily actually lived with her sister and her husband because she didn't want to be at home. Her BIL was never much a fan of this.

Kim knew she wanted to be a cop from when she was at least in her teens, but she then got some doubts when she was waiting to be of the age requirement - and she had always loved flying and being a flight attendant, she really fell in love with it. She had applied for the academy but while she was waiting to get in, she had doubts about whether or not she'll actually do it. Then one day at work, there was trouble and she helped in taking down the troublemaker and the rush she got convinced her being a cop was her calling.

Some of her pilot friends were sort of disappointed at this because they were trying to convince her to become a pilot/go back to uni and do something in aviation.

Her flight attendant friends never really understood why she wanted to be a cop, and especially after the (first) shooting, they drifted apart because they just weren't the same people.

Kim and her mom no longer talk, and while their relationship had always been rocky, Kim stopped putting in the effort after the engagement fell apart because even though Adam didn't meet her, Kim couldn't get over that her mom only being in town one night made the situation that much worse. Her mother's opinions on the failed engagement, then especially when she made intelligence sealed that.

Kim hates being beholden to her family's money so she, since getting into adulthood, has steadfastly refused to accept any and all money from them.

She had cousins in another state who while didn't have as much money as Kim's side did, had loving parents and Kim growing up was always very envious.

Kim hates talking about her past, even with Adam. As a result, especially now she's more open with him, they'll be little, relatively minor, bits of information that she forgets she never told Adam and some of these will be things she has told Kev and she'll bring these information up around Adam only to learn, no he didn't know that. Kev finds it amusing.

Kim paints.

Kim dreads the day Mack will one day ask about Kim's own parents, especially her father who, after her parents' divorce, none of Kim's family speak to.

Trudy and Kim has bonded together over trashy romance novels and will routinely recommend each other ones. This started after the first engagement fell through.

Kim still keeps somewhat in touch with Meredith and Michelle.

Adam's sister doesn't like Kim, and never has. His mom feels similarly but less confrontational.

Kim feels similar towards them, although she is always a little sad because growing up, she dreamt that one day she'll get the family she wanted in the form of her in-laws.

I think that's all I have for now, but I hope you enjoyed reading them. I have a lot more when they came from!

Thank you for asking! :)

#ree's asks #kim burgess #chicago pd #burzek #thank you for asking #ree's meta

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girlashfur · 3 months

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intersex bi lesbian Sunbeam. Genderfluid transfem bi lesbian Heathertail. Both canon (Erin Hunter told me so)

GET THIS MAN A TRUE

#ashie rambles

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morningmask27 · 7 months

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Thoughts on the new excerpt ?

it seems promising.

the chapters all had their good moments. FrostWhistle is basically becoming canon (sad that Whis isn't the cat that accompanies Frost on the journey), but Whis was so kind and it was so fun to see Whis In the text instead of in my head constantly. I have to admit I squealed in delight when Whis appeared. my little whiw has speaking lines! finally! (ok yeah Whis appeared briefly in River, but that was all)

the lack of buildup was a bit sad. I don't really believe Frost has spent a lot of time with Whis in the books as very little time passes between them atm. but in a magical otherworld (daily whis verse), they're spending a lot of time just having fun! I like that Frost trusts Whis so much, even when she has no reason to do so. She has to Trust Nobody, but Whis is an exception (is Whis Nodoby?) and it's so cute to see

Nightheart is Nightheart, he's ok. it's a bit annoying that the narrative makes it seem like he was actually wronged instead of him being an ass, but whatever, can't change that. but at least the female characters aren't portrayed as vile anymore. honestly my first thoughts when reading his chapter was that Myrtlebloom was going to steal his girl, and then Finchlight had that one line "Finchlight was heading toward Sunbeam. “Don’t worry,” she told Nightheart as she passed him. “I’ll make sure she doesn’t feel lonely.”" like damn girl, you're stealing your brother's gf almost immeditately there.

the rest of that chapter was a bit grating. i liked Myrtlebloom and Bayshine being sillies (and pulling out the Nightheart cringe comp) and Spark, Lily and Finch getting positive spotlight was fun, but the bigger clan stuff was fun to see finally, but annoying. Why Are So Many Cats Against Squirrelflight Becoming Leader? i mean yeah, it could be seen as them being weaker than before, or some other political stuff, but the total dislike of Squirrelflight by a grand part of the clan irks me. Twigbranch is an mvp for truly believing in Squilf. Lionblaze please stfu, you have done enough dumb things.

and i'm not that big a fan of deputy Ivypool. I know why she was chosen, both in a watsonian(in universe) and a doylist(our world) explanation, but it's a bit annoying. If they make the drama between dove and ivy good, While Also portraying Ivy in the wrong (because she is!) then maybe i'll allow it.

and then Sunbeam. it was an interesting chapter to end on, but if the Erins make Sunny fret over Night for a whole book I will riot. it will probably not 100% be the case because Berryheart has very clearly proven herself to be A Problem, but damn hell if she spends all her chapters thinking about her dumb boyfriend. Sun had some great moments in that chapter, being a bit awkward now that she's on her own (kinda) in a camp she barely knows, but luckily she has her two girlfriends Myrtle and Finch (plus Bay and Spark) who love and support her.

Berry's whole spiel was also a sight to beckon. Really well done, and Spark was having her "i'm the mom who steps up" moment and using it like a champ. I also Loved how Finch implied that Berry might be the reason Sun bailed. Finch is right, Berry is excruciating. The worries she planted in Sun's head better develop in Sun discovering she's in a wonderful environment now, surrounded by cats she loves and that love her, romantically or not. that she finds value and joy in living in this clan

just please, Erin Hunter. You made Bristlefrost so bland in the latter half of tbc, that was already enough, please don't do this again.

so yeah, I liked this preview. I can't buy it because i'm not shipping this bastard over from america to read, but maybe i'll grab the pdf and buy it once it gets translated in dutch (in many, many years, we're only at darkest night (avos book 4) atm)

#morningtalks #morninganswers #a starless clan #asc spoilers #a starless clan spoilers

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ariel-seagull-wings · 10 months

Text

KEVIN ‘KEV’ TANAKA (IDW GHOSTBUSTERS COMICS)

@moonbeamelf @bixiebeet @spengnitzed @professorlehnsherr-almashy @angelixgutz @amalthea9

“Kevin Tanaka (also known as Kev) is the latest member of the Ghostbusters' New York branch support staff. Kevin is visually based on Ghostbusters Wiki administrator User:Mrmichaelt and his name name appears to be a nod to the male secretary of the same first name in the 2016 movie Ghostbusters: Answer the Call.”

“It's no secret that you love the ongoing IDW Ghostbusters series. What elements are you looking forward to continuing in the next year or two? What are your feelings on Kevin Tanaka?

It has its moments. I'm really conflicted about what I want to see. On one hand, I'm very eager to see the Ghostbusters go up against these Predators that Tiamat talked about in the Crossing Over maxi-series and will Ray figure out a way to safely remove Jenny Moran from the Containment Unit? I'm wondering if 2021 is finally the year Erik Burnham fulfills a promise to Dan to do a Christmas annual featuring Krampus. Or will Chi-You, Rodefhiri or the Sandman return to exact revenge? Could there be surprise returns by gods like Hel or Aibell, could be. Will Special Agent Holtzmann finally make her debut? And last but not least, there's my, I guess, unhealthy love for the Chicago Ghostbusters. I'm always down to see more of them. Of course, there's the white elephant in the room with Afterlife. I wouldn't object to seeing the comic integrate the gunner seat into Ecto-1. I can see Ray doing it just because it would be fun, not for any strategic reasons during a bust on the go.

On the other hand, I ended up really loving the Year One mini-series after some initial concerns that it could be too revisionist and hurt the movie canon. That anecdote of when Ray and Egon first met was really special and is in my top 3 favorite moments of the overall comic series since Erik took over as the writer. I'd kill to see more of Year One as there's so many other things they could explore in year one. They only explored the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the surge in calls they dealt with after catching Slimer. They could go explore when Peter and Ray first met. They could do a longer Janine story similar to Winston's issue and expanding on that 2 parter in Volume 2. Heck, they could do a Year Six or Seven mini-series set during/after the events of Ghostbusters II. They could do a Year Nine about the IDW canon's version of Ghostbusters: The Video Game. The possibilities are endless. Year One also satisfied my hope to see the series get back to basics so to speak and get away from the crossovers. I get the crossovers are IDW's bread and butter and they've saved the Ghostbusters comics over the years but I was burnt out on them and no real desire to see another one even though it's been almost a year since the finale of the most recent one, the Transformers one (sorry Erik!).

Kevin. Tanaka. Y'know, I still can't believe that happened. I'm just some dude that spends way too much time on a wiki. To be acknowledged like that and become a part of canon is both humbling and mind boggling. I didn't know that was going to happen. It was a complete surprise. Dan just asked me for a reference photo out of the blue. I figured I would be for a hard to see face in a crowd. Then Ghostbusters International #3 was about to come out. You [Devilmanozzy] sent me an email while you were going over the preview pages. I was intrigued and wanted to know what you were being so cryptic about. I got a panel! And Ghostbusters International #4 came out and I think my soul left its body temporarily when it was apparent Kevin would be a recurring character. I love Kevin, but he's an ideal version of me at best. It's scary how close his dialogue is to how I talk. I never told Erik this. But in that issue when he meets the ATC team and Erin flips out on Kevin and Kevin quips he gets by, I had a very similar experience of being mistaken for a different Michael but in a bar really close to when that issue came out in stores and I was weirded out. Or Dan, he only had like two reference photos of me and it was amazing yet again scary how close he got to making Kevin look like me. Not even considering my connection to Kevin, the backstory of his handicap and firefighter family was really intriguing. His love of Boston sports not so much.

(...)

I'd never beg Erik for it, but it would be cool if someday PCOC signs off on letting Kevin use the ghostbusting equipment. More so since Janine is now part of the machine.”

#ghostbusters #idw ghostbusters #comic books

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redheadbigshoes · 2 years

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Hey Steph! It’s been a while since we’ve interacted! I hope you’re doing well. 🥰💖🌈 Just wanted to say that I really appreciate your post about people who call others prejudiced for lesbian headcanons for a character with no canon sexuality. I had someone call me biphobic for headcanoning Ty Lee as a lesbian and it pretty much brought me to tears, as I’m very vocal in my support of bisexual sapphics and advocate for bi/lesbian solidarity.

It’s kinda funny though. Most of my friends are bisexual women and I told them that someone said that to me and their responses were always *uproarious laughter* “In what universe is Erin biphobic?” and/or “What? I see Ty Lee as a lesbian.” It’s just…exhausting…biphobia is a problem, but so is lesbophobia, and lesbophobia is really excused more than it should be.

Thanks for always doing Sappho’s work!

Hi! It’s really been a while! I hope you’re doing well too!

It’s so sad that lesbians and bi women were supposed to show more solidarity for each other, but what we most see is biphobia and lesbophobia coming from both sides.

It seems that people don’t know how to fight biphobia without being lesbophobic and vice versa.

#stephanie answers #dumbcircusbitch #long post

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sixofpomegranates · 2 years

Note

A happy ending for Honey would be much appreciated!! ✨

Honey pt.2

•{One Shot Masterlist}***{Requests/Feedback}***{Guidlines}•

← Previous Part | Next Part →

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Black!Fem!Reader Also, Plus-Size or not, both fit here!

A/N: *sings completely off-key* Stranger to friends, friends into lovers, and strangers agaaain~ I guess I need to write another part since I gave you 0 happy endings. This is set between seasons 10 & 11!

CW: Smut/Angst - 18+ | Mentions of Spencer's Canon Trauma, Hidden Feelings, Consumption of Food and Alcohol, Penetrative Sex (Unprotected, Rough, Creampie), Exhibitionism, Fingering, Heartbreak, Nickname for Reader (Honey/Hun, Baby, Good Girl)

We had continued our friendship like the night between us had never happened. Although, every time I was in a relationship, every time I felt the need, I couldn't help but think about Spencer.

It ruined a fair share of promising relationships but luckily I was in a place in my life where I realized I didn't need a man. Often didn't even want one. I was happy on my own.

Years passing by, I understood that leaving the FBI and moving to London had been one of the best decisions of my life. I was finally happy. I was finally far enough away from home to be myself and nothing else.

I don't like to imagine where life would've taken me if I would've stayed. My former boss Erin Strauss was dead, murdered by an unsub, so was Hotch's ex-wife Haley, leaving him alone with their little boy Jack.

Emily had been "dead" for a while, actually even living with me at one point, and Spencer... Oh, poor Spencer had been deeply in love with a woman who later on was killed before him. Not to mention all those times he had been shot.

Yes, I had only been an assistant but death through this field even caught Gideon, after all those years of having left. Morgan, Penelope, and Emily had kept me updated during that time since Spencer had handled it exactly like somebody who had just lost their father and needed some time to mourn.

As he eventually wrote to me again, my life had been a little more eventful lately. New projects awaited me, and new places were to be seen, and whenever I felt a little overwhelmed, I really wanted to hug Spencer like I used to back in DC.

Sadly, my arms were too short to reach over the Atlantic Ocean.

Having spent the last month moving to Stratford-Upon-Avon, the birthplace of non-other than William Shakespeare himself, I didn't have many vacation days left and since I needed to use them up before my working contract for Interpol ended next month, I used them up for good.

I used them to see my normal-size Spence since travel-size Spence simply didn't have enough rambling facts about Shakespeare for me. That boring guy just set on my bed all day...

From the hotel I had just checked in, I immediately took a taxi to Quantico. I had to hurry and meet all my friends since tomorrow it was already time to say goodbye again.

It was a very nice summer day and as I had finally reached my destination, I quickly corrected the placement of my flower-child clothing and walked into the headquarters. After the tedious task of getting registered as a visitor, I now left the elevator and marched into the bullpen of the BAU.

It was like a time capsule. Nothing had changed. Yet, I had changed enough to have it almost seem absurd to think that this was once my life.

Everyone except Spencer had known that I would come. I mean, I would've told him, but where would've been the fun in that? He would read about it in a couple of days or so when he got my next letter.

Or right now, as I stood behind him and leaned over his shoulder while he was writing into his files.

"Hello, stranger," I whispered, making him look at me startled and take a second to process.

"[y/n]?" he asked, spinning around with his office chair and pulling me onto his lap, hugging me tightly. "What are you doing here?"

He always smelled like old books and coffee. I knew that for years now and it still caught me off-guard every time.

"Took a wrong turn," I giggled, making him stare at me with wide eyes and an even wider smile. "Look at you all grown up..."

My fingers traced his cheekbones, he had become even more handsome than he had been when I left. And those curls. He had a mop of curly hair, no longer brushing it down to look professional.

"And you're just as beautiful as the day you left," he whispered back at me, our eye contact making goosebumps form on my skin while my face grew hot.

He seriously had me flustered. He hadn't even stuttered his words, and it wasn't helping that I still remembered the taste of the lips they were coming from either.

Tightening his grip on me, he asked, "How long are you going to be here?" "Just until tomorrow. So you'll have to share me with our friends."

Spencer pouted a little but then sighed, "God, I missed you." "Missed you too, Spence."

I really had. I hadn't even noticed how badly I had until he held me in his arms. We still stared at each other, our breathing becoming a faint sound in the distance. Just like the people around us, who started to come up and greet me.

"Honey!" Penelope squealed, making me jump out of Reid's arms. She ran up to me and hugged me so eagerly, it felt like she had broken a rip of mine.

"Look at you, pretty girl," a deep voice behind me cackled, and Derek wrapped his arms around me. Pulling away from our hug, he looked at my clothes, raising a single eyebrow. "Have you become a flower-child?"

I nodded proudly, fully aware that this whole cottage core thing seemed a little off in a busy city like DC. I fit better into the small town I had bought a little house in recently.

The quiet life had been all I had ever wanted. In the mornings, I would sit down at my bay window and draw, and draw, and draw all day. My hobby had become a very lucrative job and by now, I had been able to live off of it.

"In fact, I have," I told Derek, swinging my dress. "I even make my own honey out of dandelions nowadays."

"Of course you do," Emily laughed, Rossi approaching us quickly. Hugging me too, he smiled, "At least one of us has found their Zen."

"I'm basically a grandma now. I live in a little cottage, do embroidery – badly – bake my own bread, draw, and read all day." I looked back and forth between them, "So, how about us, going out for dinner?"

Rossi instantly shook his head, "No chance, kid. You all are coming over and I'll cook us something nice." Lifting my arms, I giggled, "Okay. Sorry."

We laughed, everyone wanting to hear stories and asking questions. But every time my gaze caught Spencer's it took my breath away and I forgot what I was saying.

*****

It was strange. There had never been a moment with Spencer that had made me feel uneasy. But when we ate at Rossi's, drinking wine, and catching up, I tried to avoid ever being alone with him.

The way he looked at me hadn't been making me uncomfortable in a hostile way, but it had made me very clearly remember the last time he looked at me like that. The night before I left, when he was taking me in front of a mirror to see just how much he could make me fall apart.

I really didn't trust myself or Spencer. What if I read the signals wrong? What if Spencer did? What if I read them right and acted on them?

That night had been a one-time thing driven by suppressed lust. It had just been to get rid of the tension. It had just been sex. Nothing more, nothing less.

But it had also been the best sex I'd ever had.

When our dinner was over and we said our goodbyes, Spencer and I were the last ones to walk out.

"Do you want me to drive you?" He offered, making me wonder when he had started driving his car. He usually detested having to drive himself.

"Sure. That'd be great," I smiled, not wanting to call another taxi. Spencer escorted me to his car, opening the door for me. Then he walked around to the driver's side and got in as well.

As he started the engine, I realized just how used I had become to my British car. Everything was the other way around. I wouldn't have wondered if I would've tried to hit the breaks at the next stop sign.

"The hotel by the airport?" He asked. I nodded, mumbling, "White Lion."

Driving off, Spencer's gaze stayed focused on the street. Mine didn't. It was really bad, but I was longing for Spencer to touch me.

What was wrong with me?

It had been only one night. One night years ago. We both had agreed that it wouldn't mean a thing, to not let it affect our friendship, no matter if we had been pining for each other or not.

"Honey?" His voice made me realize that I had been staring at him. "Hm?"

"I asked if you enjoyed the evening," he repeated himself. I quickly nodded, moving around in my seat, "Oh, yeah. It was great catching up with everyone and I like Kate, was great meeting her." Spencer chuckled. "Yes. You were pretty busy talking to our friends."

Resting his hand on my thigh, he sighed happily. I tried to ignore the feeling his touch gave me by distracting myself and laying a hand on his. I focused on our skins contrasting each other and how large his hands were compared to mine.

His dark muttering snapped my head back up to him. "I didn't get a chance to have you to myself all night."

"W-Why would you want that?" I asked quickly, nervously, and way too delighted about the dominance in his voice. "Because you're my best friend," he laughed like he hadn't just made me wet with one single sentence. "Is everything okay?"

I nodded frantically, "Y-Yeah." "Don't lie to me. You know I know you and am a profiler," he lectured me sternly, completely catching me off-guard.

Who was that? It was like the little bit of confident dominance I has seen in bed with him was now always part of him.

Where was the genius boy that had blushes asking me for a condom that night all those years ago?

"I'm really okay, Spencer. I- I just missed you... I guess," I mumbled my nonsensical explanation since 'Please pull over and fuck me.' seemed inappropriate.

Squeezing my thigh, he smiled, "I guess, that feeling is very mutual. So you are now your own boss?"

Glad for the new subject, I nodded, starting to blabber excitedly, "Yeah. My art sells really well and since I started taking commissions and designing book covers..." My happy giggles made me stop talking.

"Are you happy?" Spencer now asked like my letters weren't proof enough and he needed to hear it in person just to be sure. "Very happy," I answered, and his hold on my thigh tightened.

Almost silently, he whispered, "I'm glad." Making me reply, "Yeah, me too."

There was a soft silence between us for a while. It was just my hand on his, his hand on my thigh, and almost inaudible music playing quietly on the radio.

"Do you have somebody?" Spencer suddenly asked, making me smile although wondering why he would ask this since I always told him everything. He knew I was painfully single, knew how long ago my last relationship was.

"Nope. I'm an introverted grandma," I giggled, having him look at me shortly and then focus back on the street. "You were serious about that honey thing?" I nodded. "And the embroidery."

His sweet giggles filled the car. This laugh hadn't changed, it was still as beautiful as it had always been, inviting to join its melodic sound. But he was also still that teasing little bitch.

"Stop laughing, you bitch," I snickered. "I know for a fact that you are knitting." "We also both play chess," he added, making me rest my head back and realize something through all my laughing.

"Oh my god. We are like a very old couple." He agreed, "Yeah, some tea, a good book, and lights are out by nine."

"We should go and have a picnic at a park someday, feeding ducks and stuff," I suggested, remembering that tomorrow we would part again. That someday would probably be really far into the future.

"We can go tomorrow," Spencer proposed sweetly, and I sighed. "I can't, Spence. My flight goes at 3 p.m. and I promised my parents to drop by before leaving."

He quickly nodded, taking his hand from my thigh and clearing his throat as if reality had just hit him in the face. "Oh, yeah, sure. Right. I- Makes sense, that was a stupid idea. Sorry."

"It wasn't stupid," I assured him, the car too dark but I believed to have seen him blush. "It would've been really nice. We'll just have to take a rain check on that."

Now the silence around us was filled with the imaginary sound of the cogs in Spencer's head turning. Clearly, he was thinking about something. His face would always get this distinct expression, a mixture of a frown and daydreaming.

I would've loved to know what was going on inside this beautiful mind of his.

Shortly before we arrived at the hotel, he asked, "Do you want me to drive you tomorrow? We could put your suitcase ready to go into my car, and after visiting your parents I'll bring you to the airport."

I knew that this was the only way to still spend some more time with him before leaving again, so I agreed to it thankfully. When he then pulled over by the hotel, he got out of the car hurrying to my side and opening the door for me. Always a gentleman.

He walked me to the glass entry of the hotel and hummed, "There we are. Then I'll see you tomorrow."

The last time we were here, we had spent all night tangled up in each other. Even after the sex, we had cuddled in bed, ate pizza, and watched TV until we fell asleep. In hindsight, it had been too domestic of an aftermath for what we had done.

Flustered by the memories, I nodded, "Uh-huh. Thanks for driving me"

Then Spencer smiled, leaning so close, his lips were only inches away from mine, his hazel eyes as dark as the night he made sure I would never be able to lust after another man ever again.

My whole body tensed up with anticipation, I was so sure he would kiss me that my knees started to become weak and shake like the once of a little fawn.

He didn't close the distance between us though. His face moved to my side, pressing a gentle kiss on my cheek, and he whispered, "Goodnight, Honey."

"Night," I whimpered as an answer, watching him straighten up, and eyeing my reaction to him.

Grinning at me one last time, he made me contemplate if I should invite him upstairs. But he moved too quickly, already in his car again, waving at me before driving off.

*****

Over the years, my parents had come to terms with me living on another continent and no longer working for the FBI, they didn't really like it but couldn't change it since it was my life.

I was very glad to see them again, and the feeling was mutual. They also were happy about seeing Spencer. When they had first met him, they had thought him to be a little weird but once they had really gotten to know him, they loved him.

I mean, how could they not?

Leaning back into my chair, I exclaimed, "I'm stuffed."

Mom had cooked a massive amount of food. It was almost worse than the time she got carried away cooking for Thanksgiving when I was twelfth. Knowing that I would stop by, she seemed to have taken it upon herself that I would take a few more pounds on me home to remember her.

"I hope you have room for dessert," shaking my head at my mother's happy voice, I looked over to Spencer who looked even worse than I.

Mom had refused to let him just drop me off and since she always hated how skinny he was, she decided to be the one who would properly feed him.

Dessert and coffee – mostly coffee – were eaten and my dad pulled Spencer away, having him translate the medical report he had gotten at his latest check-up. Meanwhile, I helped my mom clean up.

"So, Spencer became quite handsome over the last couple of years," she started, making me groan. "Mom."

She shrugged, pursing her lips. "I'm just saying. And he also looks even more charmed by you than the last time I saw him."

"Mom, stop it," I almost hissed at her. Raising an eyebrow, she smacked me with the kitchen towel, making me laugh.

"You are impossible, [y/n]," she lectured me lovingly. "There is a man as precious as him head over heels falling for you and you just make him your best friend."

Friendzone, Mom. I friendzoned him.

"Because I don't need a man. Plus, I live on another continent," I explained objectively, making her debate. "You can always move back here."

"Mom..." I sighed, but she didn't stop with her definitely pre-planned arguments. "I want you to be happy, [y/n], but I also don't want you to marry a man I don't know and have grandchildren I never get to see."

"You're seriously suggesting I should just marry Spence and move back here so you can have grandchildren annoying you all day while I work?" I asked with risen eyebrows.

That whole grandchildren conversation was one I didn't want to think about. I wasn't even sure yet if I wanted children. Maybe I would, with the right man, but for that, I would have to be able to have a working relationship first without daydreaming about a one-night stand I had ages ago.

"A dream," my mother answered happily in thoughts.

"Yeah, a dream. Completely unrealistic," I said, trying not to become emotional and still review my case. "Spencer is my best friend and anything more would ruin our friendship because of the distance between us. No matter if I'd want to be with him or not."

I swallowed roughly, blinking away some tears, and concentrated on cleaning the oily dishes in the sink. It wasn't like I had never fantasized about it. In fact, I had those fantasies even ruin some of my best relationships. But we would forever stay in a long-distance relationship. All those miles between us would never change.

I needed some realism in thinking, and that realism told me, we were better off as friends.

Feeling my mom step beside me and rub my back, she cooed. "Okay, okay, Honey? I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you upset, baby."

Shaking my head, I forced myself to smile. "You didn't. I'm fine." "Don't lie to your mother," she replied, giving me another smack with the towel before hugging me and kissing my temple.

From the living room, we could hear my father exclaim, "What?"

We both looked at each other, beginning to hear Spencer trying to clarify his words, "Y-Your cholesterol is too high. The doctor s-suggests visiting a dietitian and working out a dietary plan."

My father was already cursing the doctor he had gone to. "Oh, no," I giggled, smiling at my mom before walking out to rescue Spencer.

*****

"Your dad almost killed me," Spencer stated calmly as we drove out away from my parents' house, making me giggle. "He didn't. You're just being dramatic."

"My arm still hurts," he said, pulling a face. Nudging him on the same spot my dad had earlier, I snickered, "Maybe you shouldn't have gone on a rant about his weight and eating habits during football seasons being the reason for his high cholesterol."

"I was trying to be helpful. He asked for my opinion." "You could've phrased it better though." Spencer shrugged. "Okay, noted. Next time I'll simply lie to your dad."

"Stop being petty," I cooed. "He was thankful for you explaining it to him. He just doesn't like to be criticist and put on a diet."

Chuckling, he rested his hand on my thigh. "It was great seeing them though. I- I like when your mom treats me like family. She's very nice. Your dad too, except for hitting me, I mean."

Like I did the night before, I laid my hand on his. "They like you, that's why they treat you like this."

"I really envy you, hun," he mumbled, voice growing melancholic. "I never had my parents wait for me to come to visit them and cook for me like it was a holiday."

"Spence, your mom still gets just as excited every time you visit her."

He sucked in some air, grip on my thigh becoming stronger. "I wonder for how much longer." Frowning, I asked, "What do you mean by that?"

Watching the bobbing of his Adam's apple, I got cold shivers running down my spine as he said, "I haven't told anyone yet but... the doctors diagnosed her with having early-onset dementia. It will most likely progress into Alzheimer's disease."

I gasped for air. I loved Diana, she was actually the first one to start calling me Honey as if it was my name. Spencer had been so happy when he introduced us to each other and we had gotten along great, even sharing our love for the same authors.

"Fuck, Reid," I whispered, not knowing what to say. "I- I'm so sorry."

"It is what it is. I'm looking into a lot of studies and programs right now, maybe there is something we can do while it is still in its beginning stages."

He tried sounding so brave and optimistic about it, everyone other than me would've fallen for it without a doubt. He only had his mother, and to think she could forget him must've been terrifying.

"I hope so, Spence. I really do, but if-" He instantly interrupted me. "Let's not talk about it, Honey. Okay? I- I still have some time with you and I don't wanna waste it by crying about my life."

I nodded, returning his fake smile, but strengthening my hold on his hand. As he pulled over, parking near a park, I looked at him confused.

"Surprise," he smiled. "I- I don't get it."

Spencer chuckled, reaching behind him and pulling a blanket from the back of his bar. "We still have a little time before you have to be at the airport and I thought we could use that time to have a picnic."

"That's so sweet of you," I said, taking the blanket while he took some more things from the backseat.

"I originally planned on eating some croissants to this, but your mother made sure that I can't eat for the next couple of days," he laughed, lifting a bottle of champagne and two plastic cups.

"You got us champagne?" I asked excitedly, making him nod. "Only the best for you." "Kiss ass," I giggled, getting out of the car.

Sitting under a tree, close by the small lake, this was definitely more romantic than any of my dates had ever been. It was also very peaceful, since it was a business day, we basically had the park all to ourselves.

We had drunk half the bottle, thanks to my mom feeding us before, not having become tipsy of it but it still made it feel like we were having a lazy afternoon together.

Laying on my back, I let the sun warm up my skin, sighing happily, "This is the life."

Against his germophobic nature, Spencer laid down next to me, staring at the clouds. "It's really nice today. I wish every day would be like this."

"My days are. You should come to visit me. I bet you'd never want to leave," I suggested, having him lay on his side so he could face me.

Our eyes met and his knuckles moved to my cheek, gently stroking it. He looked at me almost in awe and I began to feel the same whirlwind of butterflies in my chest, I had felt years ago.

I watched him closely, noting how at one point we both began looking at each other like we had the last time he had laid next to me.

"Sometimes I still think about our conversation," he whispered, using the same codeword we had used when agreeing to have our one-night stand.

"Spencer..." I whispered in surprise, wondering if I had just misheard him.

He quickly sat up, me following him into a sitting position. His face became redder than a beet. "I- I know we agreed that it was just- just that."

"I think about it too," I admitted, and his eyes went wide while I quickly looked away ashamed, drinking some more champagne and taking in the view.

I didn't know what I had expected, but it hadn't been Spencer's voice becoming raspier and more confident when asking, "Like when you tried not to be alone with me last night?"

Of course, he had noticed. Freaking profilers, seriously.

As I looked at him again, putting my cup aside, I threw all my hesitations aside and told him the truth. With a burning hot face, I told him, "Like when I'm with someone else."

"Why?" He asked in reply, coming closer, looking at me like he wanted to devour me.

"Because they don't make me feel the way you did," was the last thing I could breathe, then his lips were on mine.

Our kiss quickly became hungry, not one second it seemed like one of us had any second thoughts about ruining our friendship right then and there.

"I couldn't keep my eyes from you since the moment you came home," Spencer growled between steamy kisses, his hands moving under my long sundress to the place that desired him the most.

His lips began nipping on my neck, causing me to moan and rock against his hand that was circling over my clothed clit.

"S-Spence..." I whimpered, remembering where we were and beginning to look around.

"Shh. It's okay," he cooed, placing butterfly kisses on my cheeks on lips. "Nobody's here but us."

Letting my head fall back, I let out a risky, loud moan while he pushed my panties aside, entering me with one of his fingers. "That's it. Good girl."

I whimpered at the praise coming from his lips, feeling myself pulse around him as he slowly pumped his finger in and out of me.

"You're still as tight as I remember," Spencer chuckled darkly, withdrew his finger, and took the slick digit into his mouth, sucking it clean from my arousal. "And just as sweet."

I watched him doing so as if it was the most beautiful thing I had ever witnessed. When he let go of his finger with an audible popping sound, my lips instantly crashed on his. Feeling his tongue against my bottom lip I allowed him into my mouth, tasting myself on him.

Groping my breasts through my dress, he shoved me onto the blanked, taking place between my legs as my long dress revealed my thighs. Spencer's hands were everywhere. On my hips, my breasts, my butt, and my stomach. He was digging his nails into my flesh with such lust-driven brutishness that I yelped excitedly.

When his weight left me, I watched him stand up and help me up. "Come here," he said.

An ominous smile was plastered on Spencer's face as he grabbed me by the shoulders and roughly pressed my back against the tree we had been sitting under.

Gasping, I watched him opening his belt and pants, pulling every item of clothing down just far enough to free his erection. I whimpered in excitement as he grabbed my right leg, making it hook around his hip, supporting it with one hand while the other pushed my panties out of the way again.

Slowly having him entering me to the hilt, I cried out. The memory of his size had not been enough to prepare me for reality.

"Fuck, I missed you," Spencer moaned with a dirty grin, resting his forehead against mine.

He began moving, grinding his teeth while I tried my best to swallow my moans. The risk of getting caught had us both on the edge while his animalistic, deep thrust started to make us delirious.

With his free hand, Spencer pulled down my dress, exposing my breasts to the warm summer air. Leaning down, he began sucking on them harshly, moaning into my skin. I was barely able to keep my eyes open, solely focusing on his cock pounding into me and the bark of the tree scratching the skin on my back.

"Keep your eyes on me, Baby," Spencer ordered, straightening his back and starting to rock hard enough against me that with every thrust, my back hit the tree behind us, knocking the air out of my lungs. "Watch me while I fuck you."

I whimpered, feeling tears run down my face, "Sp- Spencer..." I didn't even know what I wanted to say, just felt like I needed to say something, anything, while he was making me his over and over again. All of my senses were on high alert and it was almost too much for me to handle.

Cradling my cheek, his forehead moved to mine again, he had sensed my emotions. "Shh. It's okay, Baby. Just look at me," he cooed with this familiar tenderness in his voice, pecking my lips so gently while pounding my cunt so brutally.

"Can- please- Can I come?" I begged between moans, unaware of what had possessed me to submit to him and seek his permission.

"Of course, [y/n]," he answered, hips snapping forward. "Come for me. Show me how good I make you feel."

Clawing myself into his upper arms, my orgasm washed over me, legs shaking so hard I barely managed to keep standing. Spencer's grip on my thigh and the tree behind me hindering me from sinking to my knees.

I didn't care for much else anymore, only hanging in there and watching Spencer fall into bliss with my name on his lips, head falling back, and exposing his sweat-coated throat while coming deep inside me, hips rocking out his orgasm.

From further away, we could hear people talking, voices becoming louder as they came closer. He quickly let my leg down, pulling out of me and tucking himself away. Pulling my dress back in place it thankfully covered me instantly.

"Here," he said, handing me a tissue and I swiftly cleaned as much of the mess between my thighs as I could before pulling my panties back in place.

I sat back down onto the blanket, drinking some more champagne while Spencer followed me in sitting down but solely stared at me.

"Do- Should we get you some plan b or...?" He asked after a while, sounding a little bothered by our thoughtlessness.

"I'm on the pill," I answered, starting to feel the aftermath of our conversation. It was awkward between us. Nodding he mumbled, "Oh, okay," before taking his own cup and taking a sip.

"These conversations seem to become our goodbye ritual," I whispered jokingly, squishing my cup a little to have it make at least some noise in this awkward silence.

First Spencer didn't answer, only gazing at me, then he exclaimed. "I'm in love with you."

"What?" Was my instant reply, although I had understood every single word. I had known about his feelings, knowing about my own but I had never thought to hear him confess them to me.

"I'm in love with you, Honey. I've loved you since the moment I met you and never felt differently towards you. I know it's really bad timing, but I wanted you to know," he repeated himself more thoroughly.

This put a hold on pretending our sex hadn't meant anything. It filled me with warmth and this giddy contentment. Therefore I answered, "I love you too."

He looked at me stunned, "Really?" I nodded. "For years now."

"That- That is- Wow. That is amazing," he giggled, cupping my face and kissing me with more love and emotion than I had ever been kissed with, even by him.

As he pulled away, he pecked my lip one more time before saying, "Let's be together." "What?" I asked, the giddiness starting to fade.

"Let's be together," he said again, even more determent. "We spent enough time pining."

I sat away from him, "I don't think we can." "Why not?" Taking a deep breath, I said, "I am not moving back here."

Spencer still smiled, nodding understanding, "I- It's okay, we can do this long-distance until you're ready to come home."

Home. I knew this was a mistake.

I shook my head. "No, Spencer. England is my home now. I will not move back here."

His smile dropped, hand running through his hair and bottom lip shivering, "But you said you love me."

I tried to ignore that this was the point where our hearts broke. The desperate whines in his voice felt like a knife to my heart. Of course, I loved him but I had to put myself first. I had spent too much time finding myself and my place in the world to just recant all of it.

"You said you love me too. Are you going to move to England with me?" I asked, making him shake his head and answer bitterly. "You know I can't. I have my work here, and my mother."

The desperately in love part of my brain tried to come up with a solution that would let us be together, but there was only one that came to my mind.

"Are you happy here?" I asked him. "What does that have to do with it?" He replied confused and frustrated.

Swallowing hard while fighting back tears, I said, "Everything. Think about all the bad things that happened to you over the years, working for the FBI. If you want us to be together, you'll have to move to England."

"Not all of us can simply run away," Spencer muttered passive-aggressively, making me answer with the same pettiness. "I didn't run away. I built myself a new, happier life and moved on."

"I will not quit the FBI and move to England," he yelled at me. I echoed the loudness in his voice, "And I won't come back to DC."

Lifting his hands in resignment, he concluded angrily, "I guess we can't be together then." I nodded, "Looks like it."

And then silence. Glass cutting silence. Our eyes were filled with un-cried tears, just staring at the other and hurting. This had been exactly what I had expected, yet, it still hurt.

We would've been better off as friends, but like children, we had naively tried to stretch the boundaries of the word. Had played with it like with a rubber band that lastly snapped.

Checking his watch, Spencer stood up. "We need to leave. Don't want you to miss your flight," he said calmly.

That was it. The damage was done.

"Kay," I mumbled, getting up as well and quietly helping him pack our things.

*****

We sat in Spencer's car in complete silence. It wasn't like there was much left to say. For five minutes, we were at the airport. It was time for me to go home, to let the ocean divide us again.

"What can I do to make you stay?" he asked me calm but desperate. "There's nothing, Spencer," I answered.

He chuckled heartbrokenly, "I guess loving each other isn't enough." At his voice cracking into a sob, I said, "I'm sorry."

"I should've told you sooner." We looked at each other, tears running down our faces. "That wouldn't have changed that I wanted to leave, Spencer."

It wouldn't have. We would've just suffered like this way sooner.

"I don't think we should write to each other anymore," Spencer said, and I wished it would've surprised me. But it didn't. This was the punishment for our carelessness. "I- I don't want to pretend that being your friend is enough for me."

I nodded, licking my lips. "Okay. If you feel that way..."

Opening the car door, I couldn't bring myself to look at Spencer again.

As I swung my legs out of the car, he mumbled, "I love you, [y/n]," through tears, I couldn't turn around.

"I love you too," I replied, getting out of the car and grabbing my luggage from the trunk.

He didn't drive off instantly but waited until I was inside to do so.

The whole flight home, I cried silently to myself, my panties soaked in his cum to remind me of how foolish we'd been to believe that our actions would not drag grisly consequences after them.

*****

"Dear Spencer, It is funny, it feels like we've broken up although we never were a couple.

Every moment we spent together, I always thought that it wasn't the right timing for us, but maybe there just simply is no right time. Maybe we just played with fire, spending those intimate moments together, although knowing what we felt for the other, and by being so daring, we burned ourselves.

You're still my best friend, part of the reason I am who I am today. So, please know that I hold no grudge against you for deciding to end our contact and will always be there if you need me.

Should you ever feel like you are no longer happy in DC, my door is always open for you, just like my heart is, and there will always be a place for you to stay. If not, I wish you all the happiness in the world.

I love you. Always have and always will. – Honey"

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charade4peace · 2 years

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｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

𝐹𝒶𝒾𝓇 𝒢𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒

There's a bit of plot holes in this fic, like Kevin canonically dating Carrie and Ian dating Erin. But this is just a weird scenario of Ian x Kevin.

It was grad night may 13 2005, Wendy Christensen and her friends were all spending time with one another. She was with her boyfriend Jason Wise, her boyfriend's best friend Kevin Fischer and his Ex Girlfriend Carrie Dreyer, who was also Wendy's best friend. They were walking around the park, on the rides and stopping by to talk with friends. After a while they stopped at a food court to grab a bite. Kevin and Jason get up to get their food while the girls stay back at the table. Kevin was feeling strange that night he started to think of one of his friends Ian.

Kevin had feelings for Ian, but he thought it was wrong. The only person he had ever told this to was his best friend Jason Wise. The two guys made it to the counter at the food court and grabbed their food, Kevin padded Jason's back to get his attention and leaned in a bit "Hey man, member when I talked to you about Ian a couple months back? I'm gonna go talk with him when we go sit back down." Kevin had said soft spokenly so only Jason could hear. Jason looked at him dead in the eyes, smiled and teased him about it.

They sat back down and started eating, Kevin looked over to his right, it was Ian McKinley. Ian was playing a shooting game while Erin Ulmer stood beside him cheering him on. "Now that's something worth putting in the year books!" Kevin had shouted while pointing at Ian, Jason and the rest of the group stood up and looked to where Kevin was pointing. Ian didn't know Kevin was talking about him but Erin did, she tugged Ian's sleeve and Ian turned to the table with an annoyed expression.

"What the hell do you want Kev?" Ian had shouted at Kevin, a buzz went off. Ian had lost the game he was playing, making him even more annoyed, then he started to approach their table."I just thought you looked cute enough to be in the year book" Kevin remarked while approaching Ian McKinley, Ian's face went pink with a flustered expression.

"But I actually have to tell you–" Kevin looked over at his best friend, Jason nodded and gave him a thumbs up "Uh, I have to talk to you about something." Ian started to play with his fingers and looked over at Erin "Um, yeah sure what the hell make it quick." The two guys walked off together into the park.

"So, is there anywhere we can talk privately?" Kevin had asked, Ian responded "We're in a theme park, I honestly don't think we're going to find anywhere private." Kevin proposes the idea of going to talk in the back of a carnival game, Ian agreed. They found a random carnival game that wasn't in use and went to the back of it, "SO!" Kevin blurted then started to chuckle.

Kevin: "Yeah! So that, uh THING! I'm supposed to tell you!

Ian: "Uh, yeah hurry up, come on I don't got–"

Kevin: "I LIKE YOU!

Kevin had cut off Ian and shouted at his face, Ian had asked "What? So you like me? Like like like?" Kevin started to respond in a trembling voice " It's so weird alright, I've liked you for a while but I thought it was wrong, but since it's grad night I thought I'd tell you. We can still be–" Kevinwas cut off to Ian pulling him by the jacket and kissing him. Kevin had let it happen for a couple seconds until Ian pulled himself away. "Okay I get it, you don't know how long I've waited for this. Took you long enough to say something." Ian had said softly while desperately trying not to make eye contact.Kevin chuckled and held Ian's cold hands

Kevin: "I like you, I really do, but we're both guys. What if Carrie, Wendy or–"

Ian: "who cares what other people think!"

Ian once again cutting off Kevin, two both stood there holding each other's hands while looking at each other's eyes. Kevin was worrying less and started to calm down. Kevin leaned in and kissed McKinley. After a few minutes passed but what seemed like hours, Kevin leaned back, his face was bright red and had a huge smile.

Kevin: "I feel better, I loved that."

Ian: "wow Kev, went lovey dovey real quick."

Kevin put his hands on Ian's shoulders and started to kiss his cold neck for a bit. The both of them were so comfortable with each other's presence, they were so happy they didn't want this to end. Kevin stopped and said "we should get going, the group is gonna wonder where we are" Kevin grabbed Ian's hand and the both of them started walking close with one another.

#final destination #final destination 3 #ian mckinley #kevin fischer #ship #fanfic

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gojo-satoru-brainrot · 3 years

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I Don’t Want a World Without You. Eren Jaeger x Reader

Request from @shittypaperwork

A/N: This took me forever to write this. I wanted it to be perfect. I really hope it is. Also, my asks are open for AOT smut (Disclaimer I do prefer to write in Canon Au but not opposed to writing Modern AU if I like the idea.) , Jujustu Kaisen smut. But please enjoy!!!!!!

WARNINGS: SMUT!!!, slight breading kink ig, name calling, slight Dom!Eren. Unprotected sex, Canon AU,

WORD COUNT: 3.5k

Your friendship with Eren was unlike any relationship you had experienced before. You both joined the Scouts after the attack on Wall Maria. You both bonded over the losses you both endured that day. Eren sought out revenge on the Titans. His hatred and rage fueled his desire to become a better soldier. You wanted a better understanding of the outside world. Why all the memories came fooling back in the middle of a titan ambush you had no idea why. A giant hand came out from the shadows of the forest directly aiming for you. You didn't have much time to react before Eren swooped in and grabbed you.

"(Y/N) you need to pay more attention," Eren said right before the titan grabbed the wire to his ODM gear causing him to fall to the ground several hundred feet below.

"Eren," you screamed out. Your heart pounding in your chest as you locked eyes with the titan. Suddenly, a red hot burning sensation rushed through your chest and up your face. Tears started to form in your eyes as you maneuvered around the giant trees. Finally finding a vantage point, you zipped over the titan and your blades cutting deep into its nape. It fell to the ground dust and debris flying above its lifeless body. The feeling still stuck in your chest, but it was different something lingered beneath the surface. You located Eren, and you looked at him the feeling became stronger as you watched him lay there, blood dripping from his head on the ground under him.

You were irrevocably in love with him.

There was no time to confess to him your newfound feelings. He needed to get the infirmary. The more you realized your feelings for him, the more you realized it would never work. This world was unfair and unforgiving. There was no room in the world for love let alone a relationship, or that's what you told yourself. The pain you would feel if Eren didn't reciprocate your feelings would tear you apart inside.

Two weeks had passed since the ambush in the forest and your feelings had remained the same, in fact, they had gotten stronger. Your whole squad had made it back alive, which you were grateful for. Eren was rushed to the infirmary due to his extensive injuries. You didn't sleep most nights so you would sneak down to see Eren. You held his hand and changed out his bandages being very careful not to wake him.

"(y/n), you have to let him rest," quickly turning around you saw Armin standing in the doorway.

"It's my fault this happened," the tears started to swell up in your eyes. Armin grabs your hand leads you outside.

"B-but Eren," you stammer looking back at him.

"He's going to be fine while you're gone". You looked up at the night sky, gazing at the stars above you. It was late, you didn't realize until now. How long have you been sitting by Eren? An hour? Maybe five. A cool breeze hits your face as you sit down beside Armin on the bench just outside the infirmary.

"You're so concerned about Eren. If I didn't know any better I'd say you're acting like Mikasa," he laughs. You chuckle slightly. You had been so wrapped up in making sure that Eren was okay that you had forgotten what it feels like to relax. Memories of you and Eren flood your mind.

"Armin there's something I need to tell you. I can only trust you with this information," the blonde turns to look at you.

" I'm in love with Eren". Armin's face gets all red and he turns away.

"So why are you feeling me this? Shouldn't you be telling Eren?"

"Because it would never work out the way I want".

Eren was finally recovered enough to leave the infirmary, but he was strictly prohibited from any training, missions, and extraneous activities. You have been avoiding him for days, unable to come to terms with your feelings you thought it best to stay away.

"You're eventually going to have to tell him you can hide from your feelings forever," Armin said to you quietly.

"Shut up, Armin," you punched his shoulder just a little too rough. He winches in pain, and you touch his arm.

"Sorry." You start to blabber about how you're used to hitting Eren because he can take a hit. You didn't realize Armin was trying to tell you that Eren was right behind you. A slight punch suddenly hits the middle of your back causing you to fall forward into Armin's chest. You turn around quickly to see you hit you. Your eyes lock with Eren's, trying to speak, but nothing comes out of your mouth. His green eyes peer into yours. It feels like your entire being is melting into the palm of his hand.

"Shouldn't you be picking on someone your own size," Eren smirks at you.

"Uhhh," you fumble your words trying to form a comprehensible sentence but fail.

"I gotta go!" You said quickly as you darted off somewhere far away from Erin and Armin.

Finally catching your breath you stood in front of the shower house you are reminded of a prank you pulled on Eren just a few months ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a long day of combat training and Eren was the first to use the shower, like always. Connie dared you to sneak into the men's showers and take Eren's clothes and hide them in a nearby bush.

"Easy! You should come up with a harder one next time," you smirked knowing this was going to be way simple. Quietly you snuck in being extremely careful not to slam any doors. You glanced around trying to find Eren's clothes, the steam from the showers making it hard to see. Stumbling into one of the benches close to the showers.

"Fuck that hurt."

"Hello? Who's there?" You heard Eren call out. Your heartbeat quickened as you heard the water turn off.

shit shit shit where are they?

Finally, you found the clothes tucked away under the bench. You guessed this isn't the first time this happened to him. You balled up his clothes and ran out. The steam made your hair stick to your forehead as you threw his clothes in a bush.

"Nice going (y/n)!" Connie gave you a high-five. Both of you waited for Eren to realize his clothes were missing, but to both of your surprises, Eren walked out of the showers butt-ass naked with only one of his hands covering his goods. Your jaw dropped at the sight of him the sunlight made his wet skin glisten. He shook out his hair causing water droplets to scatter around him. You followed the water as it dripped down his toned chest and pass his carefully carved abs. Your eyes followed the v line just below his abs.

"My eyes are up here! Now, where did you put my clothes, darling?" Eren steps closer to you feeling the heat radiate off him from his shower. Your mouth stayed agape and all you could do was point over to the bush. He made his way over not bothering to cover his ass.

"Well, that was fun," Eren chuckled as he pulled up his pants and let them sit on his hips unbuttoned.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Wetness started to pool in between your thighs, causing you to blush from the intrusive thoughts of Eren. You looked around to make sure no one would follow you. After stepping into the shower, you took your clothes off, and neatly folded them, and placed them on the bench. You pulled the curtain closed in hopes of having a sliver of privacy. The cold water rushed over your body and hair. Your nipples became hard as the cold water ran over them. Your mind began to imagine Eren behind you and what his hands would feel like as he rubbed your shoulders and softly caressing your breasts. Maybe he would snake one of his hands down your waist and tease your folds as the other would grip your neck pulling you back into his bare chest.

"Mmm. Eren," you moaned teasing yourself closer and closer to orgasm. Your finger moved faster in circles around your clit. A tightness started building up in your core and just about as you were going to come undone the door to showers swung open. FUCK! Disappointed in your attempt to relieve some stress you quickly got dressed.

"Hey (y/n)," Sasha greeted you, but you bolted past her "okay, bye!"

You didn't want to be rude to Sasha, but you had other things on your mind. All of them were Eren. Your body ached for his. You wondered want it would feel like on top of yours. Your mind kept racing all these thoughts about him and what he looked like under his clothes.

"(Y/N)! Instead of daydreaming why don't you help in the kitchen?" You were quickly drawn away from your thoughts as Levi approached you.

"Sorry Captain, I-" you tried to explain yourself before Levi shut you down.

"You're almost as bad as Eren." Eren? You clung to his name.

"What's wrong with Eren?" You ask.

"Well, since he's been released from the infirmary he's been zoning out. But enough chit-chat go help get dinner ready."

You made your way to the kitchen. Both Connie and Sasha were slacking off and having a baguette battle.

"Guys, let's do what needs to be done. I'm tired and want to go to sleep." You announce. It took about an hour to get prepped and cooked. By the time you were done cooking, you wanted to go to your room and finish what you couldn't in the showers.

After finally arriving at your room. You quickly shut your door. The rooms weren't big, but none the less you were grateful to have your own after spending a year in the barracks. The rooms were massive, but they were a decent size for one person. A desk with a wooden chair sat in the far corner and a closet just big enough to hold a few scout uniforms and a full-size bed. Still, a layer of dust covered everything although you didn't mind. It wasn't like you were going to be staying in your room all day.

You rubbed your eyes and sat at the edge of your bed, taking off your boots and jacket, neatly putting them away in the closet. You always hated taking off your harness there were so many buckles and straps, you got confused so easily. The only light to work with was an oil lamp fixed to the wall. You sighed heavily as you finished folding up your clothes and getting into your pajamas.

As you laid down in your bed thoughts of Eren came back to you. Softly you moaned as you pawed at your breast and teased your nipple. Woefully imagining it was Eren's instead of yours. You felt a wetness start to pool between your legs. Slipping your hands down your shorts your finger circled your clit. You were a virgin, but you still knew what happened you just never found anyone worthy enough. Expect for Eren.

You moaned as you came closer and closer to climax, but it was cut short again. "(Y/N)..." You had sworn you heard someone moan your name. Quickly you pulled your covers over your body as you listen to the room next to you and you heard it again. You were sure someone was moaning your name. In the room next to yours you heard the bed squeak as someone got up from it. Your heart beated faster as you heard footsteps approached your door. You closed your eyes and pretended to be asleep. The door to your room slowly creaked open. "(Y/N)... Are you awake?" It was Eren. You still didn't open your eyes as the door shut and Eren sat on the edge of your bed. He took your hand and held it and pressed it to his chest.

"I know you're asleep but I wanted to tell you, thank you for saving me, I know everyone told you to leave me but you didn't and I'm grateful. I don't know why you've been avoiding me, but I probably deserve it somehow." You heard his voice crack and you could tell he was about to cry.

"I just don't know how to tell you this but here does nothing, I love you (Y/N)." You opened your eyes and saw Eren crying.

"I love you too." You said sitting up in your bed. Your hands cupped his cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss. His lips were soft and perfectly fit in between yours. It was sweet and soft but your core ached for him. He pulled you onto his lap and brushed your hair behind your ear.

"I can't tell you how many nights I wished for this, to be here with you." Eren buried his face into your chest.

"You don't have to wish anymore," you told him as you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him again this time softly biting on his lower lips. He moaned into the kiss sending chills down your spine. He gripped your hips, his callused fingers dug into your sides almost as if he was scared you were fall through his hands if he didn't hold you tight enough.

Your hips ground into his causing a deep moan to escape from his lips. His erection grew quickly underneath you. Eren flipped you over on your back onto the mattress. He stood up and began removing his shirt. Your eyes followed the skin on his stomach as more of it was exposed. Moonlight peaked in through the window, shining on his torso. It was beautiful, hours and hours of training had paid off.

"My eyes are up here, darling" he chuckled as he climbed on top of you. You couldn't help but feel his chest and abs. His piercing green eyes looked into yours. His lips crashed into yours, it was sloppy and wet and hot. Your clothes limited his access to your perfect body. He slowly took off your shirt and kissed up your stomach and in between your breasts before he took one in each hand and massaged them. His thumb rubbing your nipples before he took it in his mouth and circled it with his tongue. Your fingers ran through his hair as you leaned your head back and moaned. He made his way up to your neck kissing and sucking on it. You knew for sure there was going to be a hickey tomorrow but you didn't care. You wanted everyone to know that you were Eren's and that he was yours too.

"Eren, I need you." You begged him to touch you. He leaned back on his calves and pulled your legs up to his chest, slowly removing your shorts.

"You're so wet for me already, have you been expecting me?" He chuckled and smirked as he pushed your legs apart. His hot breath hit your folds making you beg for him even more.

"Please please Eren!" Your cries for his touch were desperate. Him seeing how much you needed him turned him on. He was throbbing in his jeans. His finger slid up your folds and collected your wetness before he put it in his mouth and sucked on his finger.

"Open your mouth," he commanded and you did as he stuck his finger in your mouth. "Suck." His voice was deep and demanding making you want him even more. Your tongue danced around his finger you tasted yourself on his finger. His mouth attached itself to your clit and you threw your head back moaning. His tongue circling your clit making you bite down on your lip to keep from moaning too loud. Your hands found their way to his beautiful brawn locks, your fingers entangled themselves pulling slightly. Eren groaned and gripped your thighs tighter, maybe enough to leave bruises. The idea of having Eren's fingerprints lingering on your skin turned you on even more.

Eren's erection grew harder and slightly painful. He stood up from the bed and a whine came from your mouth in protest.

"Don't worry we aren't done yet. Do you know how much my hand hurts by now? I'm so glad you accepted my feelings so I can fuck you now."

"All you had to do was ask" you teased back at him "but you should know I'm a virgin." You weren't shy about it, it was just how you were.

"Well, I am too, if that makes you feel better." You sat up on your knees and began to undo Eren's pants. You could hear his moan that he held back. Your fingers slipped between his skin and underwear slowly teasing it down before releasing the waistband and having it snap back to his skin. A low hiss rolled out of his mouth as he smirked at you and his eye went darker with lust.

In a fit of lust Eren quickly removed his pants and pulled his cock out. Your eyes widen at the sight, you always thought Eren was big but never this big.

"Suck now." His tone cold and demanding. You took it in one hand and started to suck on the tip of his cock. You could taste the precum from the tip. His hand placed at the back of your head slowly pushing you further and further down. Your hands gripped his thighs as he drove his cock deeper into your face. You looked up at him, he looked so hot his eyes were rolled back and beautiful moans escaped his mouth.

"Ahhh fuck (Y/N) your so warm. I'm so close, will you be a good girl and swallow for me?" He looked down, locking his eyes with yours, you nod.

"Mmmm that's my girl." He continued to fuck your face, his hands cupping your checks. A warm salty liquid flowed into your mouth. You swallowed it and sucked the rest off his cock before opening your math to show him.

"Fuck... You're such a good slut for me." He crawled on top of you. "I'm gonna take such good care of you," he kissed your stomach right below your navel. He slowly slid two fingers inside of you making you arch your back and grip the sheets. He took his time moving his fingers in and out of you taking care to make sure you never felt any pain.

"More Eren, please..." you begged for him, bringing him closer for a kiss. He lined himself up at your entrance wetting his tip on your folds. He steadied himself by placing his hand next to your head. He looked into your eyes. "Ready, darling?" You nodded. He slowly pushed his tip in both of you letting out moans of each other's names. You momentarily adjusted to his size before he added another inch. You wrapped your legs around his hips allowing him to fully enter you.

"Oh fuck, you're so tight I could cum right now," Eren moaned into your chest. Your breath was heavy as you fully adjusted to his massive size. Eren pressed his forehead to yours as he thrust in and out of you at a good pace. You moaned and softly bit into his shoulder careful not to hurt him and activate his Titan.

His thrust because faster and faster. You moaned his name over and over again. Sweat started to drip from his forehead, you could tell he was holding back his orgasm. The tip of his cock hitting your cervix. Eren let out a chuckle.

"What's so funny?" You asked.

"I can it inside you. Look." You glanced at your stomach and saw the tip pressing the skin up. "Fuck I can't wait to fill you up with my seed." He pounded harder into you as your orgasm started to build.

"Eren I'm getting close," you mewled in his ear. His thrust becomes sloppy as his thumb played with clit and that sent you over the edge. Eren watched as your body twitched underneath him. It felt like your entire body was on ice and fire at the same time. Eren was not long after you as he slammed one last time into you and let out the most beautiful moan you ever heard.

"Ahhh fuckkkkk (Y/N). You were such a good girl for me." He pulled out and laid down next to you pulling you close to him.

"I love you. I always have. I don't care if this world is unfair and unforgiving. A world that doesn't have you isn't where I want to be." You pressed your face into his chest and slowly fell asleep.

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