she wants me DEAD

a 4-part rec list of my fave drarry fics - the thrillers, dramas, soft bois, and wankbanks getting me through 2020′s shitstorm

[ for my fellow fledgling drarry stans bc im also very new here! like tbh i think the last fic i read pre-pandemic was a 1D ziam series back in 2013?? lmao god. but alas, after reading HP fanfic for the first time during lockdown & subsequently 300+ drarry fics since then, it is time. it’s time to be embarrassing about it online via lengthy rec lists. and if you end up loving any of these fics? follow the authors, leave kudos & comments on their work, send them nice msgs bc they do all this shit for free & that’s wild ]

part 1: thrillers

mood: for when i need something exciting, haunting, immersive, fast-paced

includes: case fics, mystery fics, plotty adventures!! expansive world-building, time warps, magical theory, wizarding politics!! the thrill of a chase!!! you’ll get your drama & spicy sex but mostly it’s the unravelling that hooks you. because for these?? you’re here for the ride, bitch.

Shibboleths by @lol-zeitgeistic​​ - 100k - E Douglas Adams sci-fi fantasy rom-com wet dream. i'm mad about how good it is. the boys are hogwarts professors and something Scary Big is happening in the magical world and the Dursleys are here?? i audibly gasped, i laughed, i remained on the edge of my fucking seat the whole time

Hermione Granger's Hogwarts Crammer for Delinquents on the Run by @waspabi​​ - 93k - T canon divergence excellence!! jkr*wling is punching the air rn. harry doesn’t learn he’s a wizard till he’s 17 and he’s Miffed. voldy is ruining everything, the Order is underground. hermione’s got her own band of rebel teens. also draco’s here and he's very gay for harry and very mad about it. road trips, tent sleeping, hijinks, guerilla warfare, seizing the press, feisty kids out to fuck ur shit uP while flirting a little. this is honestly an all-time fave.

If an Injury Is to Be Inflicted by @shealwaysreads​​ - 45k - E ANARCHIST DRARRY IS GOD TIER and the pacing here is relentless. it’s a post-war hellscape and harry’s missing and draco is scheming. it’s violent, it’s sexy, it’s tightly written, it’s got observations on the cost of survival and revolution, it’s brilliant.

Azoth by @lol-zeitgeistic​ - 88k - E 8th year magical theory time and the boys are Ambitious in a hot-mad-scientist kind of way. harry is a late-bloomer Swot and has a heart-boner for genius!draco and draco tries not to have a gay panic about it?? there’s animagi, alchemy, poetic theories of change!! & lots of bird metaphors. immaculate

The Boy Who Only Lived Twice by @letteredlettered​​ - 54k - E a spy and his handler ohmygoD I'm a hoe for missions of the impossible sort and secret identities!! & the unravelling of said identities!! the need to be seen at war with the need to escape. draco & harry as equals, evenly-matched and whip-smart and terrifying on the battlefield?? incredible

Who We Are in The Shadows by @quicksilvermaid​ - 100k - E an ex-auror. an elusive investigator. boys Gone Rouge. it’s very hot of them in a magical-bourne-identity kind of way. powerful werewolf harry + intelligent draco + outmaneuvering bad guys outside the law?? there’s a reason you’ve seen this specific creature fic in every drarry list bc IT’S FUCKING EXCELLENT IS WHAT IT IS

Turn From Stone by @harryromper​ - 45k - M post-war hogwarts castle-magic turned malevolent as shit and it might be lost forever except!! hermione’s going to save the day and her plan’s seedy as hell but the DA gang + draco are all here. an adventure fic feat. the black lake but even more ominous, haunted common rooms, libraries of death, flying daggers, deception, ancient spells, drarry fighting for their lives but in a hot way.

The Art of Shadow Boxing by @tommylane​ - 178k - E draco’s a professional fighter in Thailand and oh shit harry’s here but he hasn't seen harry in 7years?? and what the fuCK happened during their AU horcrux adventures with the trio that made draco disappear to Thailand?? something is amiss. mafia moms, wrestling sexily, so much pining, flashbacks, pentagrams. draco needs a hug.

The Fall of the Veils by @letteredlettered​​ - 60k - M "muggles find out about wizards, wars are fought, apparition is abolished, political conspiracies abound, draco is asexual, and harry has legilimency sex with him” -- IS THAT SUMMARY NOT FUCKING WILD I WAS HOOKED. the scale of this fic is breathtaking and makes you appreciate the labor of world-building in genre fics bc the political and moral complexities of this fic, bitch??? lives rent free in my head

REVOLVELOVER by @firethesound​ @lol-zeitgeistic​​ - 46k - E hit-wizard harry and anti-government extremist draco!! ethics, political corruption, car chases, subterfuge. and god the mood of this fic. the characterization! weaponized-stoic-hurting harry. obsessive-anarchist-yearning draco. carnal, us-against-the-world kind of love. hmm I would simply die for thEM.

Like Clockwork by agentmoppet - 40k - E curse-breaker draco and unspeakable harry!! they’re both hoes for puzzles. harry has a Secret and broods a lot. draco is pissy about it. they’re both too clever for their own good. featuring mysterious objects with a side of trust issues and wanting to murder your crush.

Burn the Curtains and the Wine by @nerdherderette​​ - 24k - E mr. and mrs. smith but it’s harry and draco and it’s exactly as hot and exciting as it sounds. the secret lives of married assassins feat. car explosions, sexily dueling in the desert, draco wielding muggle weapons!

In The Hand by aideomai - 28k - T HELL YEA DRARRY MULTIVERSE BITCHES LOVE THE DRARRY MULTIVERSE. harry’s been missing for months and now we’re dabbling in other dimensions, messing with time travel, racing against the clock, meeting every version of drarry you’ve ever read about. fics within a fic!! god I love it I would read anything aideomai writes tbh, they invented thrill and they do it with less than 30k words?? the talent

Crossing Lines by ren @alcoholicrevo - 48k - E smuggle rings, undercover investigations, draco being hot, harry being flustered by draco being hot -- all of this taking place on a swank train with themed sections and everything. it’s magical murder on the orient express time, bitch!!

Tales from the Special Branch by @femmequixotic​​ - 1.2m - E a 5-part, multiple pov, behemoth of an auror-fic series worthy of its hype bc you know what? it truly Has It All - murders, drama, sex, treason, spooky magical shit, political conflict, drama-ridden relationships, a truly complex & full-bodied cast featuring the Hot Slytherins. jkr*wling fucking WISHES she had the range

[part 2: dramas | part 3: soft bois | part 4: wankbanks]

songs that make me think of vampy and why

this is for drea and leyla ONLY thank u

daylight- taylor swift "i don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of you" bc vampy loves her so much he only wants her 😔 midnight love- girl in red "I know I'm the last one you try to call but I always give in to give you it all" "your silver is my gold" bc miss chiropractor treated him terribly but he loved her with everything and would have gone back to her no matter what watch you sleep- girl in red this one is obvious: bc vampy watches bloodbag sleep :) also "the scar on your spine, you fell off a roof when you were nine" is all appreciating the tiny details about someone and that is definitely something vampy would do :( paper rings: taylor swift "i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this" line without a hook- ricky montgomery "oh baby i am a wreck when i'm without you" bc vampy loves bloodbag so much he just wants to be with her always 😔 dead girl in the pool- girl in red this one is kinda weird but i feel like bloodbag is gonna die at some point and then vampy will just be like "theres a dead girl in the pool (or wherever her corpse is laying slfjskldfjkldsj) i don't know what to do" and then he's gonna make this face

bad habits- ed sheeran bc he was just slutting around before he met bloodbag demons- imagine dragons dont make fun of me for this I KNOW but fr it's vampy renegade- taylor swift "you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody" he needs bloodbag 😔 starting line- luke hemmings i can't really explain this one but it's like how you always talk about how his happiness is overshadowed by the fact that he's a monster or whatever million dollar bills - lorde "theres nothing i want but money and time" and vampy has literally all the money and time :) solar power- lorde this is harrys hot girl anthem idk happiness- taylor swift "there'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you" this is him reminiscing on miss chiropractor i wanna get better-bleachers "i didn't know i was lonely til i saw your face" "I didn't know i was broken til i wanted to change" come on 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 good 4 u - olivia rodrigo this is his fuck u song for miss chiropractor my tears ricochet- taylor swift "if i'm dead to you why are you at the wake" it's ironic innit 😌 what a feeling- one direction "what a feeling to be right here beside you now, holding you in my arms" please 😔 "everybody needs someone around" 😔😔😔 "but i can't hold you too close now" bc he has severe attachment and commitment issues :) all you had to do was stay- taylor swift "had me in the palm of your hand, then, why'd you have to go and lock me out when i let you in" omg miss chiropractor really hurt him 😔 king of my heart- taylor swift "and all at once you are the one i have been waiting for" bloodbag @ vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 cruel summer- taylor swift "I love you ain't that the worst thing you ever heard" bc he knows getting close to bloodbag will ultimately only lead to pain for everyone involved "i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you" bc he can't tell bloodbag everything about him even tho he probably wants to :( thank u next- arianna grande this is weird BUT if miss chiropractor hadn't fucked him up so much he never would have met bloodbag tear in my heart- 21 pilots again don't make fun of me for this I HAVE AN EXPLANATION "you fell asleep in my car i drove the whole time but that's okay i'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine" if bloodbag fell asleep in his car he would definitely do this :( shape of you-ed sheeran "now my bedsheets smell like you" his room probably smells like honey and lavender all the time now and he's probably foaming at the mouth constantly cowboy in LA "let's skip the club, lets skip the crowd, i wanna take you on a date" bc they both hate clubs!!!!! "I'll hold your hand I'll hold the door bc that's how i was raised" he's a gentleman 😔😔😔😔 & burn- billie eilish "i'll sit and watch your car burn with the fire that you started in me, but you never came back to ask it out" idk for some reason this has vampy and miss chiropractor vibes take me to church- hozier religious trauma babes 🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼 speechless- dan+shay "i'm speechless, staring at you standing there in that dress" love 😔 yours- russel dickerson "i came to life when i first kissed you, the best me has his arms around you, you make me better than i was before, thank god i'm yours" SCREAMING AND CRYING AND SHAKING tolerate it- taylor swift "i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it" MISS ******** DIDN"T APPRECIATE OR CELEBRATE HIS LOVE MIA- anarbor "thinking about my life and everything i did wrong along the way"😔 lay low- josh turner for when bloodbag and vampy go to a cabin in the woods for a week and just love each other 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 who can save me now- anarbor "you stabbed me in the back" this one is pretty literal LSKFJLKSJFLKDSJ "you could have at least been kind enough to let me turn around" ouch 😔 dopamine- anarbor "i'm hooked on your dopamine" vampy and bloodbag ugh lie to me- 5sos this give me vampy and ******** vibes "i wish we never met, cause you're too hard to forget" "while i'm cleaning up your mess i know he's taking

off your dress" bc she probably cheated on him while they were together 😔 and he would have stayed with her if she told him she loved him, even if he knew it was a lie 😔 cotton candy- yungblud it's just a happy song with good vibes like bloodbag and vampy currently have :) small talk- niall horan i don't even have to say anything here pillowtalk- zayn "so we'll piss off the neighbors" chappy 9 vibes dancing with our hands tied- taylor swift "i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us" vampy rn 😔 once in a lifetime- one direction vampy will live a million lifetimes but he will only ever have one bloodbag 😔 holy ground- taylor swift "tonight i'm gonna dance for all that we've been through but I don't wanna dance if i'm not dancing with you" they've come so far omg 😔 since we're alone- niall horan "you can show me your heart, if you put it all in my hands no i swear no i won't break it apart" crying if i could fly- one direction "for your eyes only i'll show you my heart" rollercoaster- bleachers again i can't explain it but it makes me think of him 😔 so long- niall horan "so if we knew all along why did it take so long" good question bestie current location- LANY "i need your current location to be my current location" they're idiots in love and want to be together all the time 😔 why dont we go there- one direction "hey i don't want you to be the one that got away i wanna get addicted to you you're rushing through my mind i wanna feel the high i wanna be addicted" well hes already addicted to her blood so might as well like you lots- LANY bc they both have issues and can't say love lmao too much to ask- niall horan vampy though wanting love was too much to ask of miss chiropractor 😔 walking in the wind- one direction this one just has his vibes man 😔 heartbeat- carrie underwood "dancing to the rhythm of your heartbeat" bc vampy is obsessed with listening to bloodbag's heart (fan behavior if you ask me) idfc- blackbear this is vampy and ******** bc "tell me that you love me even if it's fake" city of angels- 24kgoldn "i sold my soul to the devil for designer" yes this made me laugh the woods- olivver the kid "waking up in the middle of the woods" "don't you wanna get out of here, out of the woods" flashback to when he was dead in the woods oop "you brought me down to the river, and you pushed me in, hoping that the white rapids would challenge my ability to swim" bc... she's a murderer omg this verse is talking about leaves and i'm freaking out it fits 100% this is crazy "You pick up two handfuls You tell me they're all dried up & dead You know that's nothing like us We'll live forever instead" just a little bit of your heart- ariana grande vampy bc he loves so deeply and completely that he will give all of himself to someone even if they won't do the same my strange addiction- billie eilish bc he is addicted to her blood :) cross your mind- niall horan this is vampy and ******** "love the way you hurt me and it doesn't even cross your mind" "leaving me in pieces (literally lmao) but i swear it's worth it every time" everywhere- niall horan that scene where vampy smelled some perfume or soap or something and it made him think of bloodbag 😔 everything makes him think of her now 😔 "swear it's hard to think it's hard to breathe when you're in the air" put a little love on me- niall horan "you're the only one i need" 😔 bend the rules- niall horan VAMPY AND ******** ALL THE WAY "i'm not saying that you're lying but you're leaving out the truth" heartbreak weather- niall horan "all of my life i've been sleepwalk living, running around the same bars i've been in, it can be so lonely in this city, but it feels different when you're with me" bloodbag and vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 mr loverman- ricky montgomery "i miss my lover man" vampy is probably dramatic like this all the time now that they're official 😔 bad blood- taylor swift again, just for the irony 😌 vapor- 5sos "i want to breathe you in like a vapor i want to be the one you remember i want to feel

your love like the weather all over me" they're so in love like this 😔 catch fire- 5sos "all my life i've been waiting for moments to come" he's been waiting for bloodbag his entire life 😔 beside you-5sos "i wish i was beside you" they want to be together all the time 😔 black and white- niall horan "that first night i was standing at your door fumbling for your keys then i kissed you" ARE YOU KIDDING ME not in the same way- 5sos this is vampy and ******** just bc they were so toxic lkfjskldfjsdlkjf lonely heart-5sos "and i haven't slept in days" lmao ghost of you-5sos "my feet dont dance like they did with you" thinking about when vampy danced for bloodbag and what if they break up 👁️👁️ why wont you love me- 5sos vampy at ******** 😔 he just wanted to be loved 😔😔😔😔😔 fool's gold- one direction "i let you use me from the day that we first met" "i know your love's not real, but that's not the way it feels" STOP IM SAD last first kiss- one direction "let me be your last first kiss" i want them to be together forever 😔 truly madly deeply- one direction "foolishly completely falling and somehow you kicked all my walls in" bloodbag really snuck into his heart huh 😔 fireproof -one direction "nobody saves me baby the way you do" ugh 😔 long story short-taylor swift "clung to the nearest lips long story short it was the wrong guy" (or in vampy's case the wrong vampire) gold rush-taylor swift "and the coastal town we run around has never seen a love as pure as it" bloodbag and vampy are all i want 😔 no judgement- niall horan bc vampy would never judge bloodbag 😔 daddy issues- the neighborhood again im not even gonna say anything here new angel- niall horan "the touch of someone else to save me from myself" this is vampy 😔 god is a woman- ariana grande vampy after he brought bloodbag home the first time something like this- the chainsmokers "just something i can turn to, somebody i can kiss" ALL VAMPY WANTS IS LOVE sweater weather- the neighborhood idk this song makes me think of him all of me- john legend "all of me loves all of you all your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections" KSFLKSDJFKLDJSFLJSDKLFJDSKL i like me better- lauv "i like me better when i'm with you" she makes him a better person 😔 sex- eden "oh no, i think i'm catching feelings" vampy when bloodbag went on a date with someone else half a heart- one direction bc bloodbag completes him 😔 theyre so disgusting 😔 only angel- harry styles "turns out she's a devil in between the sheets" woman- harry styles vampy when she was on a date with someone else bc hes a jealous moron temporary fix- one direction this has chappy 1-2 vibes a.m.-one direction when they first started falling in love and he wanted to be with her more often 😔 something great- one direction "i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i don't have to keep imagining" through the dark- one direction just all of this song 😔 happily- one direction "you know i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep i just want it to be you and i forever" 😔 electric love- borns "i can't let you go now that i got it" canyon moon- harry styles they're just happy like this rn 😔 sunflower vol. 6- harry styles "kiss in the kitchen like it's a dancefloor" "mouth full of toothpaste" when they brushed their teeth together 😔 adore you- harry styles obviously

how would you rank the seasons from least to most favourite?

alright okay right off the bat worst season season 7. for starters i think this season has no staying power i mean like since i’ve been running this blog 4 so long now my knowledge of charmed is encyclopedic and insanely vast more than like it ever need be but for the longest time. i could not remember season 7. like wtf even happened there?? evidently leo became human??? cole returned? the avatars??? like all of it was just. it’s not even necessarily forgettable it’s just i straight up could not remember it for the longest time. and i’ve said it before the concept of utopia was way to advanced for a show like charmed to tackle i am not watching charmed for moral philosophy i am watching bc i love these girls ♥ hee hee hoo hoo magic adventure ✨ tho if i am to offer a single comment on utopia: it’s awfully rich for a show to go on about destiny and fate and then take a stand against utopia in the name of free will. but w/e. i don’t like leo in the avatars i don’t like his dynamic with piper in this season i don’t like whatever phoebe’s doing this season there’s like leslie?? maybe there’s someone else? boring & flavorless they should have been setting up her endgame instead of puttering around. and kyle. zoo wee mama. could have been a great antihero. morally gray. duplicitous. self serving. but no. they gave him all those traits and called him hero/love interest. s7 left a lot to be desired out of the characters and their relationships also gave us phat L’s such as the charmed ones are werewolves don’t worry about it and feminism peaked with naked women. shout out to zankou: demon, dilf, dub & the noir episode.

you know what? fuck it i’ll say it second worse season 5 genuinely fuck season five. this is probably a Very Specific beef 2 me But. i hate what they did to the charmed universe. this was the season that marked the transition of charmed from supernatural drama to campy soap which like. i love camp! i do! but fr. fuck this season and what it did to the worldbuilding. the early season have Such A Vibe to them man with warlocks and witches and just a couple niche monsters from assorted lore that the show took and made their own. season five opens with mermaids goes directly into fairytales then gives us superheros whatever the fuck was going on in that mummy episode the sandman leprechauns and nymphs. and i hate it for that. it takes away from this urban fantasy things that go bump in the night what lurks in the shadows of the back alleys of san francisco in favor of the ugliest cinderella dress ever put to television and an onslaught of horrible irish accents for a full episode. other issues with season five: cole’s still here? why? they don’t know and neither will you! we’re not redeeming him! phoebe’s not getting back together with him! yes he died we just refuse to let him go! the cherry on top of course being a cole-centric 100th episode. shout out to. hmm. lemme think about what i actually liked about this season. i like jason dean as a love interest i don’t remember what he did in s5 but i know he was there. the season finale i’ve talked about how stupid & shitty it was but idc i still love that episode and then shout out to bacarra the only original villain this season that was a proper serve. the crone gets second place.

next on this come on we all saw it coming season 8. it’s a bad season! and i get bts there was a whole lot happening budget cuts missing actor etc. but it goes beyond that. it was a bad season. billie and christie were bad. and i’ve said this before but billie in herself is not an inherently bad character. she was just the literal worst for the show. she was a dollar store buffy blonde confident cocky skilled and ready 2 fight evil But. we are not following her like we followed buffy we are following her mentors. it’s like if we had a show called giles that aired for seven seasons And Then buffy showed up. billie was insanely irritating to watch from our perspective and in general wasn’t like. well written. attempts to humanize her / give her more depth often fell flat. and then christy. oh nelly. oh my god. barely a character. not well acted but hey it would have been a miracle if she was. negatives include dumain who was a mess omg bringing back the triad bringing back the source billie & christy obvi and also involving homeland security. which is season 7′s fault which is why it’s the worst. dubs on the other hand include both coop and henry i really liked them the shoehorned love interests weren’t great but i like their characters i though the way the got rid of leo to save on the budget was really creative and gave us a great piper episode and of course the sugary sweet finale i love it i do what can i say.

yet another controversial choice aptly coming in fourth is season 4. i respect what season 4 set out to do. i think it was a good idea. long form narratives, keeping a darker tone, focusing on character-driven drama and growth. too bad it fucking failed miserably at all of this. cole as the source and phoebe as the queen of hell was just so so botched. they had a very unique opportunity following the death of prue to explore these characters and what it means to them to be charmed, to be witches. they saved the world but the cost is insanely high. they’ve lost an older sister. they’ve gained a new sister. how do you even begin to cope with all this? episodes such as hell hath no fury and brain drain fuck so hard because they work with exactly that. had the whole season been like those episode season four would sit at number one with flying colors absolutely no competition. but alas. we can’t have nice things. the show got so bogged down with phoebe & cole, in a way that was just so, so messy. for starters, whether you loved cole or hated him before, we can all agree source!cole sucked. he was such a strong 180 from what we had seen that the show had to make the source some type of possession to justify half the shit they were trying to pull. and then to pit phoebe and paige against one another over a man was just. disgusting. and the ending of course felt rushed because it was! they wrapped up that entire issue in a nice little bow much faster than they reasonably should have been able to. it could have been a great season. it was definitely not. shout out to the seer an iconic mastermind on barbas levels, as previously stated brain drain and hell hath no fury Specific shout out to piper’s scene at prue’s grave shout out to paige as a character i like what they did with her and um. yeah that’s it.

okay we’re exiting the shit tier in favorite of the good tier welcome to the upper half. kicking us off is season 6. season 6 did what season 4 could not in that it gave us a long form plot that still left plenty of room for like. normal demon of the week episodes. i love phoebe early in this season with her faboo haircut her brand new empathy power and her relationship with jason dean. obvious strikes against for whatever the fuck that baby crazy stint was and also the mata hari episode. yikes. i love paige’s hair color in this season nothing paige as a character necessarily stands out to me however i like how they seem to have hit the blend of work-magic with paige where she wants a life and career outside of magic however she still loves the craft and embraces is with an open heart and mind. season six also gives us chris who was a very fun male lead imo we really didn’t have many like him he’s bitchy. he whines and bitches a lot he’s got an agenda he’s a bit secretive but at the end of the day he just wants a family i like him. i like the character growth we see out of piper i like seeing her try to move on from leo i love seeing her get back together with leo i like her dynamic with chris and her fears about motherhood. i also liked richard but that one takes a lot of justification. L’s are witchstock hyde school reunion used karma off the top of my head also the paige/richard/addiction plotline was so tone deaf. also the girls were mean to darryl : ( he deserved so much better. dubs were chris as a character, tbh the episode little monsters, phoebe with empathy specifically saying i love you too to jason i could write a dissertation on that line alone also the courtship of wyatt’s father and i thought the reveals of evil wyatt and chris being piper and leo’s son were both fun and interesting plot twists.

coming in third is actually season 2 a season i really do love it’s just. it lacks structure. imo there is a lot to love about season 2 morality bites and pardon my past are both delightful time travel episodes we get jack sheridan and bane jessup two of my personal favorite prue love interests we get p3 h2o and a great prue plotline regarding the death of patty we get the super cute cupid episode it’s a great. collection of episodes. it’s not a great season. there’s just imo not a strong enough thread connecting the stories together it’s mainly held together by having the same characters in it over and over again i really liked dan personally but like. i knew we were wasting time there. he was just an obstacle. a super cute loving and caring obstacle who’s great with kids but lbr piper and leo were always endgame. wasting our time on dan was stupid. i do love the sister dynamics in season two “gotta hand it to those pesky little demons they sure have brought us closer together” but again. this season could have benefitted from a rex and hannah type or even like a cole or zankou. this season is less of a season and more of just like a handful of episodes, and while there are some fat dubs, there are also some definite swings & misses. shout out to the time travel episodes the prue centric episodes phoebe’s character growth and maturity throughout this season (e.g. her going back to college) and i also think the fashion got a lot more fun this season.

second place i’m saying season one season one was a really strong start and gave us these really compelling characters with interesting relationships between one another But. a lot of it just kinda falls flat. and credit where credit is due it was a brand new show getting its feet under it but the fourth sister feats of clay which prue is it anyway they just simply aren’t dubs imo. also i don’t like that 70′s episode bc again i am an asshole concerned about The Lore i can’t believe one bitch ass warlock caused the Charmed Ones to grow up without powers. it just really bugs me. all in all the plots as a whole like aren’t great imo they’re nothing to write home about (save for from fear to eternity) it’s really the characters that make this season so goddamn good.

first place congratulations to the one the only season three. this is just because it kinda hits all my requirements in that it has some banger one offs (e.g. all halliwell’s eve, the good, the bad, and the cursed) it has an overarching plot at the exact same time as the source becomes more prominent and obvi cole is also there with murderous intent i like the character growth we see especially from prue i like piper and leo finally get married overall i really like the aesthetic of this season that blends a darker urban fantasy tone with still some charmed fashion and whimsy. strikes against tbh phoebe and cole’s relationship i am insanely picky with my enemies to lovers and the do not come remotely close to cutting the mustard in fact they are almost immediately disqualified however from afar i can see and respect The Drama. shout out to recasting victor prue with pistols death as a character and shannen directing episodes

Imagine going into labor while Casey is away at a conference. Part two!

Warnings: Slight pregnancy issues, if I missed any, let me know. 

Summary: You are pregnant with your first child and your girlfriend, Casey, is away at a conference. You weren’t expecting anything to happen, but the little human inside you had other plans.

Based on this request: “Maybe Casey’s gf is heavily pregnant (7/8 months?) with their baby girl. Casey has a conference in a different state (which she only reluctantly went to bc rn her gf is ever so clingy) R hangs out with Alex (godmother of the baby?) but suddenly has (false) labor contractions Alex panics, calls Casey who freaks out;all flights are heavily delayed. Alex calls Liv for help and R just misses Casey really badly add ur own twist? :)”

AN: Somehow this got to be over 3,000 words. 3,059 to be exact. I hope you like it!

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After having the bombshell of twins dropped on you, you and Casey walked out of the doctor’s office and down the street. You were both pretty silent as you walked without really paying attention to what was around you.

It was Casey that finally stopped you, she had grabbed your arm and gently brought you to a pause. “Y/N, are you ok? I know we weren’t expecting it, but this is great, more to love, right?”

You gave Casey a small smile, “You’re right, I just honestly didn’t think this would happen, we kept putting it off because I asked you to, and then suddenly, bam, twins! And on top of this, we have to plan the wedding!”

Casey ran her hands reassuringly up and down your arms. “We can do this. You’re one of the most organized humans I know, and I have some time off that I’ve saved up. I can take the time off to make sure everything gets ready in time and to make sure you don’t run yourself ragged.”

You smiled at brighter at Casey, “And this is why I love you. You always know how to calm me down. I just know I’ve got you to lean on if I need it.”

Casey gave you a small kiss, “And you always will, even without these rings. I’m not going anywhere.”

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When you got back to work, your entire squad was waiting to hear the news. Liv had a huge smile on her face and had placed a gift bag with balloons on your desk. You let out a laugh and shook your head at the squad.

“You guys are far too good to me, but before I open this, there’s some news!” You explained, lightly pulling on the balloon strings, “We’re having twins!”

There was a moment of complete silence before Liv let out an excited laugh and wrapped you in a hug. “Oh my gosh, this day just got better and better. Congratulations!”

Fin and Elliot came up next and both gave you a hug and offered their congratulations. Looking at everyone, you pulled Liv off to the side.

“So, I feel like this should be obvious, but I was wondering if you would be the godmother of one of the twins? We decided not to know what the genders were, but I just know that if they have you, they’ll have the biggest extended support system a pair of twins could hope for. Casey is asking Alex today at work. We’d be honored if you would say yes.”

Liv nodded, tears slightly coming up in her eyes. “I would love to, Y/N. Thank you.”

“Good,” you smiled, “That means you two are in charge of the gender reveal, which you already knew about. But now it’s official!”

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Your first trimester seemed to be flying by and the day of your gender reveal came before you could even blink. You felt like the days bled into one another, and meanwhile, you felt yourself growing larger and larger.

Casey had been by your side through all the morning sickness and emotions flying all over the place. You honestly weren’t sure how you would have done it without her.

Now, you were standing in front of your mirror, smoothing the floral dress over your bump. You were lost in thought when Casey come up behind you, wrapping her arms and round you and covering your hands with hers.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked with a quiet voice.

You leaned your head back onto her shoulder, “Just wondering about what they’re going to be like. You know? I’m growing two complete humans in here, I just want to know what they’ll be like already. But I’m also incredibly nervous for all of this.”

You turned in Casey’s arms and wrapped your arms around her, nuzzling into her neck. Casey gently stroked your hair and gave you a reassuring squeeze, “I know you’re dealing with a lot, more than I can even fathom, but I hope you know I’m here for you every step of the way, and I can’t wait to figure this all out together.”

The two of you stood like that for a few minutes before Casey pulled away, “We should head downstairs, Liv and Alex are probably ready to get this thing started.”

You laughed and nodded taking Casey’s hand, “Let’s not keep them waiting then. I’m ready to figure out what’s growing inside me!” You paused for a moment before laughing, “That makes it sound like I don’t know they humans, like maybe I’m expecting dinosaurs or something!”

You and Casey shared a laugh as you into the living room and saw your friends and co-workers packed together. There was a mesh of pinks and blues everywhere with each person sporting pink or blue to broadcast their guess to the public. Liv was sporting a nice blue blouse while Alex had on a light pink skirt. Casey had chosen a light pink blouse and when you saw the face painting supplies, she allowed you to paint little pink hearts on her cheeks.

You had made yourself a flower crown to go with your dress and when people asked what you were hoping for, you gestured to the pink and blue flowers on your crown and just said, “It doesn’t matter to me, so long as they’re healthy.”

There were a few games, guessing what items were in the diaper bag, baby bingo, and guessing whose baby pictures belongs to whom. The best one was seeing Elliot’s baby picture, turns out he’s had a permanent from since the day he was born.

Finally it was time to pass you the cupcakes. Liv and Alex warned everyone not to bite into their cupcakes until you and Casey had gone first.

When you were handed your cupcake, you felt a flutter of nerves hit your stomach and you subconsciously rubbed your hand over the little lives in your womb.

Looking at Casey, you both grabbed the handle of a fork and brought it down, making the candies in the center spill out. When you looked down to see them, your face spilt into a happy grin looking at the light blue candy pieces spill out.

“Looks like baby number one is a boy!” Liv called out, letting out a cheer. “Time for cupcake number two!”

You and Casey repeated the process and Liv let out another cheer, “It’s another boy!”

You looked at Casey, worried that she would be upset about not having a little girl. But to your surprise, she was looking at you with a smile to rival your own. “ Y/N, we’re going to have two little rascals running around. I hope we’re ready for it.”

You laughed and looked around, “We might need to get a bigger place. You know, I always wanted boys. I just didn’t want to jinx it!”

The rest of the shower went by with plenty of laughs and congratulations, Elliot offered to give you parenting tips whenever you needed it and Liv and Alex volunteered for babysitting whenever you and Casey needed a moment to yourselves.

After everyone had left, you felt yourself getting overwhelmed with emotion and found yourself wiping away a few happy tears while Casey went around the apartment cleaning and organizing everything. You had offered to help and she had all but put you on the couch herself, saying that you had done enough today and that you needed the rest.

You knew that no matter what would happen, as long as you had your support system, you all would be fine.

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The morning that Casey left for the conference you were a mess. She had told you about it about a month ago and you had been fine with it, but as the conference got closer, so did your due date. You were about eight months along and you were worried that something would happen while Casey was gone.

Casey had assured you that no matter what, she would only be a phone call away. And if you needed anything, she would be on the first flight back to you.

Liv and Alex promised that they would stay with you whenever they could and they were there the morning that Casey left, immediately offering you tea and pastries along with a day of TV binging.

After a few hours of TV with the girls, you got a call from Casey, letting you know that she had made it to the hotel and that she was already missing you and the boys. You let her know that Liv and Casey hadn’t left your side and that they were taking care of you. She laughed and asked you to pass along her thanks to the women.

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That night was the first night you had to sleep in your bed without Casey in at least a year and a half. To say that it wasn’t a peaceful sleep would be a lie, it was simply miserable, you ended up getting one of Casey’s sweaters and wrapped it around you, letting yourself drift off to sleep surrounded by the comfort of Casey’s perfume.

The next day you woke up with an ache in your bones, assuming it was due to the increased weight of the twins, you went about your day like normal. Getting dressed and ready to go into the station, you felt a pull in your back as you were putting on your shoes. Gently rubbing your back, you looked down at the bump that was your twins.

“No, you don’t get to do this today, Momma’s only been gone one day. I miss her too, though.” You rubbed your stomach, hoping to calm the boys.

As you walked out the door, you saw Alex and Liv waiting outside your door, a cup holder holding your usual morning cup of tea.

“You ready to go Y/N?” Alex asked, looping her arm through yours and rubbing her free hand over your stomach, “You ready for desk duty boys? I know it’s your mom’s favorite thing to do.” She shot a wink at you.

Liv laughed next to you and swatted Alex on the arm and then addressed your stomach as well, “Don’t listen to Auntie Alex, your mom is one of the best detectives we have, but she has to stay safe for you two.”

You smiled at the two women, “Thank you, both of you, you all have been lifesavers this whole time, and I know that Casey has only been gone a day, but you two have already made it easier.”

The three of you started your walk down the stairs towards the street. Liv called a cab and the three of you piled in, you in the middle so Liv could help you out when you got to the station.

After Alex had been dropped off and you and Liv had made it to the station, you were at your desk, looking up addresses of potential suspects when you felt it. There was a sharp pain in your back that seemed to wrap its way around to the front of your pelvis.

You let out a sharp gasp and looked up to see who was around. Locking eyes with Liv, she saw the panic and immediately came towards you, “Y/N? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” You managed to get out through gritted teeth, “Something doesn’t feel right Liv.”

Liv was immediately on the phone calling a bus to come get you. “I’ve got you Y/N, Elliot is going to call Casey and Fin is on the phone with Alex already, you’re not alone in this ok?”

You felt the tears pricking at your eyes, “Liv, I’m scared.” You whimpered.

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When the bus got there, you were still in pain, it seemed to come and go, but it was still there.

Liv went with you in the bus and held your hand the whole way. You let the tears fall when you got to the hospital and thought of Casey, you needed her here with you. You knew you had your support system, but the woman you loved was nowhere around.

After being admitted and checked out by the doctor, Liv and Alex were able to come in and see you.

“Hey, the doc said that we could come in for a bit, he said that you were asking for us?” Liv said, using her gentle voice that she saved for the scared victims she spoke with. If you weren’t in the pain you were in, you probably would have called her out on it.

“Liv, Alex, thank God you’re here, please don’t leave the room again, I talked to the doc, he’s ok if you stayed in here. I can’t do this alone, has anyone talked to Casey?” You asked, worry laced in your voice.

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Casey had been in the middle of watching a presentation when she had been told that she had a call, at first she had been annoyed, but when she heard what it was about, her face paled and she all but sprinted out of the conference to the hotel.

Throwing all her items in her suitcase, Casey made it to the airport in record time, completely oblivious to the storm clouds gathering in the sky.

When she got to the airport, Casey practically crumpled when she was told that for the time being, all flights were cancelled due to the storms around them.

“You don’t understand, my fiancé is having an emergency! I have to get back to New York!” She said, slamming her hand on the counter as tears started to fall from her eyes. “I have to be there.”

The woman at the counter offered Casey a sincere apology with a heartfelt smile. She could see how desperate the red haired woman was.

Walking away from the counter, Casey went up to a pay phone and called the hospital, asking to be transferred to Y/N’s room. Liv answered and handed the phone to Y/N.

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“Case? Are you coming home?” You asked, the fear very present in your voice.

There was a sad sigh and a sniffle on the other end of the line, “I tried Y/N, there’s no flight’s going out, there’s a big storm coming in. I’m sorry baby, I’m not making it home tonight.”

You tried to keep the tears at bay, “I’m scared Casey, I don’t know if I can do this without you, Liv and Alex are here, but I need you.”

Casey broke hearing the fear in Y/N’s voice, “Y/N, you can do this, you are strong and when the doctor comes back and tells you what’s going on, you will do whatever you need to do. You have Liv and Alex, and you know I’m always with you, even if I’m stuck far from you.”

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Casey felt a tap on her shoulder, turning, she saw the woman who she had talked to at the counter.

“Ma’am? I was able to get you a ticket on a fight leaving in ten minutes. It’s the last flight out before everything gets grounded, you might have to run to make it.”

Casey looked at this woman in disbelief. And then sprang into action. Giving the woman a quick hug, Casey took the ticket and got to the gate showing them the ticket and getting on the plane with only moments to spare.

As the plane took off, Casey could only hope that she would make it back home before anything happened.

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Y/N listened carefully as the doctor spoke, apparently nothing was seriously wrong, the boys were fine, but the weight of the twins had caused a spasm in your back that you had apparently hadn’t noticed and while you kept working, the spasm had gotten worse until it had caused a serious muscle injury. The doctor explained that this meant you would be on bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy.

You let out a breath that you didn’t realize that you had been holding. Your brain had been preparing you for the worst.

Suddenly, you heard a commotion outside the room, looking at the door cautiously, you couldn’t help but cry out when you saw Casey push through the door.

“Case! What are you doing here?”

Case rushed up to you, cradling your face in her hands. “I had a guardian angel working at the airport, they got me on the last flight out.”

You and Casey remained like that as you explained everything that happened and what the doctors said.

When you were able to be discharged, Casey got you home and into bed. From that moment on, you always had someone in the house with you, Casey, Liv, Alex, Elliot, Fin, and even Cragen all took turns, making sure that you had everything you needed.  

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A month passed without any other scares and one morning you and Casey were relaxing in bed, you were drinking tea and Casey was drinking her coffee when you felt it, a rush pain hit your abdomen and you gasped.

“Casey, I think we need to change the sheets.” You said trying to laugh through the feeling of your water breaking.

Casey was out of bed immediately, calling a bus and then Liv and Alex. Helping you out of bed, Casey grabbed the go bag and helped you down the stairs, making it down to the front as the bus got to the apartment.

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The pain you had felt a month ago was nothing compared to what you felt as you tried to push the little bodies out of you. Casey stood by your side the entire time, coaching you through everything and trying to keep you calm.

When it was all over and done with, you and Casey looked at down at the little boys peacefully dozing in your arms.

The squad crept in, bringing balloons and flowers and a whole mess of other baby items. You introduced the squad to the boys, Travis and Patrick.

As the squad took turns holding and looking at the babies, you felt yourself surrounded by the love and warmth of you family and friends, and you let your eyes slip closed, knowing that your family was complete, safe, and healthy. 

HI! I saw your requests were open so im taking the chance to ask if you could make a headcanon for the boys about dating a mc whomst really needy and clingy who likes being around their s/o 24/7 hugging and kissing them, showing affection in general uwu.

I honestly believe that none of the boys find this an issue, because of how much they love you (and they all have some level of tragic backstory). But all in all I hope you enjoy the headcannons. And I probably don’t say this enough but seriously, if you find any mistakes (factually, not gramatically, bc it it’s grammar based I won’t fix it, bc I will never have perfect grammar, I just do my best), please please please tell me, I would love to learn, especially if it’s a cultural aspect bc I just love to learn about places and cultures and time periods. :)

Victor:

Victor notices that your often right by his side during meetings, you are either sitting next to him at the boardroom table, or if you were standing, you were always so close that your arm brushed his suit jacket.  

He never mentioned it, but he knew for meetings that if he had to leave you be by yourself, he would always squeeze your hand tightly in his, or your upper arm if your hand was unavailable and he would tell you exactly where he was going, and leave with a “I’ll be back soon, wait for me.”  

The fact that you were so clingy actually put Victor’s mind at ease during business trips where he couldn’t take you along with him. You would always call him in the morning and at night before you went to bed, no matter what time you needed to wake up to call Victor, you would do it.  

He remembered his mother, how she left for France one day and never came back, and Victor loved the fact that you were actively waiting for him to come back, and you missing him when he left not only kept him grounded because he was always reminded of how much you loved him, but it also motivated him to finish his work as quickly as possible, so he could fly home to you.

At home, when you shyly asked him to install a chair and desk in his office so you could work in the same room, fidgeting with your sleeves, he had smiled softly at you, and that weekend the two of you had gone shopping for the items.

He liked the fact that when he was working at his desk in his office, he could just look up and see you working hard also. You also liked to sit at the island in the kitchen whilst you watched him cook, and no matter how much he teased you, he liked having you there to taste, or sometimes you even stood behind him, arms around his waist, and your nose nuzzling between his shoulder blades, when you did that his heart skipped a beat.

You often felt a little needy, due to insecurity, and when you finally broke down in front of Victor, telling him your worries and he grumbled about it half-heartedly telling you that you were an idiot for having these issues, but that would never stop him from pulling into his office, the elevator, into his lap and kissing you soundly until all doubts flew from your mind.

So, all in all he loved it, because your presence just became a constant in his life, but you still knew when to stop and how much distance to maintain in serious situations. He would never change you, no matter how much his tsundere personality acts around you. He had found you, fate had given the two of you a second chance, and Victor really didn’t care that you were “needy” or “clingy”, to him those words, when they were attached to you, could never be anything but positive.

Lucien:

Lucien knew you were clingy, and he welcomed it, he lives right next to you, so when even before the two of you lived together, if you mentioned on a date that you “didn’t want him to leave just yet”, he would happily waltz into apartment with you and spend the night with you.  

Lucien tells you all the time to call him if you can’t sleep, and when you do, he always smiles at seeing your name on his phone, before answering, smiles still painted on his lips. He would stay on the phone with you, long after you fall asleep, just listening to you breathe as it clams him knowing that your safe and you trust him enough to fall asleep around him. It’s even better when you video call him (because sometimes you just need to see his face, you told him), because he can just watch you sleep, eyes soft in affection.

He actually finds it funny when you stand, back to his chest, and you draw his lab coat around the two of you, and you tilt your head back to smile at him. So whenever you go to spend your lunch break at the research centre, he often makes you wear his lab coat when you sit on his lap to feed him. He relishes in the fact that you sniff the inside lab coat (because it still has his cologne on it), and then you snuggle yourself in the white fabric, a serene smile on your lips.

Whenever you feel like you need a kiss from Lucien, you squeeze his hand or his arm, and he will pull you into the next available corner or dark space and kiss you deeply, no shame. 

Whenever you go to parties for scientists (lol I don’t know the proper name for them), you will stand both hands on one of his arms the whole evening, and if Lucien notices your anxiety getting the best of you, he will draw you into his embrace, hands on your hips and just stand there whilst you breathe, knowing that his presence is the best remedy for you.

Lucien loves the fact that your neediness causes you to actively seek him out, because he knows when he was Ares and was working with the BSC he hurt you in ways only time can fix, so whenever you can see him withdraw, you pull him back to the present where you love him. Lucien often uses that to ground him to the here and now, you are his anchor in the midst of the storm, and if he will take your clinginess if it means he can have your heart.

Kiro:

Have you seen this sunshine boy, he lights up when you admit you are clingy, literally squeezes you tightly in his arms, saying “Miss Chips, you can be as needy as you want, Superhero Kiro is here for you!”  

Savin has no problem with you hanging around backstage, or in Kiro’s dressing room when you felt a little lonely, but the day you publicly announced your relationship he did have a set list of guidelines for both you and Kiro to follow whilst out in the public eye, “Just to avoid unnecessary scandal”.

You nodded sadly, realising that your behaviour might cause Kiro problems whilst at work, and you spent the whole rest of the evening, arms wrapped around Kiro, knowing the reason why you were sad Kiro held you against his chest and sang to you soothingly, pressing kisses to your hair.

Since that day, you made a tradition with Kiro that at least one evening a week the two of you would spend the night just cuddling together under a mountain of blankets.  

You tended to spoil Kiro with your affectionate nature, and he preened about it, having you be so clingy and affectionate towards him, it made him feel needed, that you needed all of him, not just the part that sings and dances and acts, and that fact often helped quell his insecurities.

Honestly sometimes he’s just as clingy as you, when he’s had a bad day at the studio or he just gets so het up he can’t function, he go looking for you (doesn’t have to look far, you make sure to at the very least always be in the same room as him when you can), and he just wraps his arms around you, burying his face in your hair and just breathes you in, feeling the day just melt away from him until there’s nothing left he can feel but you.

If he’s trying to write a new song, he does like his space to pace and think aloud, so he can be a little short with you if you try and keep him in one place, or you’re doing something noisy that distracts him (although sometimes just your presence is an adequate enough distraction for him), but you know he doesn’t love you any less, and you know when to give him space to work.

Kiro is so the type to kiss you whenever he sees you, the type of casual kissing where he kisses you when he leaves/enters the room, when you leave/enter the room, to say hello, to say goodbye, Kiro kisses you as frequently and as naturally as he breathes, so you never felt like you had be needy to get a kiss because Kiro always made sure you felt loved.

Kiro often joked that fulfilling your “affection-quota”, was just another of his superhero duties, but he loved that you were so comfortable with him that you acted this way, because when he was with you, he wasn’t the perfect Kiro the media wanted him to be where he couldn’t make mistakes, he was the perfect Kiro that made mistakes but you loved all of him anyway. Besides, loving you made every day an adventure, so a little clinginess, wasn’t even an issue to him.

Gavin:

I’ve said this before, Gavin loves you, he breathes for you, but because of his emotional baggage, the cold harsh treatment of his family, how they treated him in high school, it does affect him, on an emotional and mental level, as shown by the fact he doesn’t have preferences for things, and he’s never celebrated his birthday.  

So, when you became clingy, needy and just wanting to be around him, he melted in a puddle of devotion to you, to know you need him is a gift beyond his wildest dreams. Gavin’s smooth with his words, (just look at his dates and his texts for proof), and when you and him got together it was like a dam burst inside him, he poured out all the emotion he had bottled up for you.

Literally as soon as the two of you are at home, Gavin will pick you up, your legs hooked around his waist and he will just carry you around the apartment, only putting you down when absolutely necessary (like to change clothes, or cook dinner, etc), he then will sit of the sofa, you straddling his lap and will bury his head in your chest, unloading his day onto you as you stroked his hair.  

Every time you need something from him affection-wise, the two of you had developed a secret signal, you would tug on his shirt once and he would just look down at you and smile before pulling you into his embrace, no matter where you were (except when he was in uniform, he did have a reputation to protect).  

Whenever he needed to do something, and you were being too clingy, Gavin would press kisses all over your face, before the final one landed solidly on your lips, before he would pull back looking into your glazed eyes and warn you that he needed to do something and he needed some space.

Gavin was only this soft with you, and although he used your clinginess as an excuse to shower you with all the affection he could humanely give. You knew that the reason was truly that Gavin, ever since his mother had passed away, had never been allowed the affection or even companionship from the people who were supposed to love him unconditionally, and now he had you, he was going to make sure you knew just how he needed to be around his love even more than you did.

1/? Hiii!! Okay so I have like a big problem. I’ll start it from the beginning. A few months ago I visited my cousin and we had a party. There was a guy at the party and I’ll call him JJ. So JJ’s pretty cute and sweet and kinda dumb. Big dumb white boys are a weakness🤦🏽‍♀️ anyway, he was there with his gf but he was still checking me out. So whatever I move in with my cousin and we have a party every weekend. JJ is there every weekend. But he’s with his gf -⚡️

(Continued) But then this one time his gf, I’ll call her CC, wasn’t there. And he was more social. He seemed like he was more social when she wasn’t there with him. I decided to finally make my move. Bc we’d both been eyeing each other for awhile. We were both drunk. I rubbed his thigh a little bit, mindlessly. He did the same to me, soon enough, he brought my hand up to touch his bulge. He was hard omg. I rubbed him a little bit and I went inside not too long after. He followed me.

We made out once we got inside. He was like ‘you drive me so crazy, girl’ like he made me so wet🥺 we groped each other n stuff. He told me, while we were listening to music outside, that he missed his girl. He was like ‘y’know that girl I always come over here with?’ And I was like ‘yeah, I know CC, hun’ but he told me how he missed her n stuff. Bc she didn’t wanna be there if he was gonna be there, that’s what she told us. She treats him like shit.

She’s such a bitch to him and he just takes it. Like a puppy :( I really like him. Okay and like about a few weeks before I met him, he got his leg ran over by a forklift at work. So he was due to get a settlement for over 300,000 this month right? Now, bc of that, he was gonna sell us his car for only 500 bucks since he wanted to get a dope ass truck. So, CC told my cousin she was only gonna be staying with him for the money. And I was like broo!!! Wtf!!! I could treat him better!!

So that night where we both made a move. There ended up being a lot of drama unfortunately. At one point I went into the bathroom to cry and when I got out he was standing there waiting for me. He asked me what was wrong and pulled me in for a hug. He let me cry into his chest. I told him that it was just a really fucked up situation and I didn’t know how to deal. And then later, I made myself throw up bc I knew I needed to. So I threw up over the rail of the porch. He held my hair.

So I ended up getting his number, right? We texted a little that night. I slept in my room and he slept in the living room as usual. When I woke up he was already gone. I texted him about it and he said he just had things to do. But he said he’d be back next weekend. I was excited. But he didn’t come. And then he promised me he’d be there the next weekend. He wasn’t. I was getting kinda tired of his shit so I got high and I told him flat out I’m high as shit so I’m gonna be really honest.

So I asked him if I was a rebound from CC. He took awhile to type but ended up saying no. I thought it was a lil weird but I let it fly, I asked him why he chose that night of all the times we drank together to make a move. He told me we would talk on Friday. I said okay. He didn’t come over that Friday. When I asked him when he’d come over to sell the car he said on Monday. He didn’t come over on Monday, but that Friday he finally came over. His truck pulling a trailer with the car.

I was happy that he pulled up with that trailer so that meant CC wasn’t with him. But once he got out and stuff, my cousin gave him the money and he asked if he could stay a little while. Of course she said yeah and he went inside to grab a beer. I was so excited bc that meant if he was drinking, he’d probably stay the night. He didn’t even acknowledge my existence tho. Like, he maybe glanced at me. I know it was because my dad was there and he was scared of him tbh but it still sucked.

And then I saw his lockscreen. It was of him and CC. Again, that kinda stung. We still flirted later on but he left pretty soon unfortunately. I talked to my mom about it and she tells me that maybe he really does like CC. I told her that if he did he wouldn’t continue to make passes at me. She told me that maybe he does it bc they have an open relationship. Even tho we both know she only says that so she can fuck whoever she wants. Bc she doesn’t actually care about him. Any advice?

———

Ok so I think I might have accidentally deleted part 9 but regardless I think I can still help ya!

So I honestly think it’s best to try and distance yourself from him and that whole situation and move on as best you can cause he’s throwing you for a loop in an emotional rollercoaster and as much as you’d love to probably be there for him and show him how good you can treat him, ultimately he’s in a dysfunctional relationship with this girl and you don’t wanna be in that mess.

For him to be making out with you and stuff while talking about missing her it just feels like he’s trying to get what’s he lacking in his relationship with her, with you. And when he stopped following through with things and ignoring your presence I think he probably feels guilty for dragging you into the situation.

It sucks that she treats him that way and what she said about only being with him for the money he’s about to get man that’s trash but yeah he needs to leave that relationship and take some time to heal within himself cause seeking what he’s missing from you or anyone else and stuff is only gonna end up hurting more people.

It’s great that he was sweet to you but he’s got some real deep issues it seems surrounding CC and I think he’s gotta work that out before he can be in a relationship with you or anything like that.

So I would kinda cut ties, maybe still be there as a friend if that’s possible but definitely nothing more than that till she’s either out of the picture and he’s not gonna be ignoring you and not following through on talking to you and keeping promises or he stays with her.

Maybe if you want you could talk to him about leaving her cause that relationship is def NOT a healthy one and it would be for the best if he left. Try and see where he stands with her and with you too like hey do you actually want me or what is going on cause he said no to you being a rebound but also the part you mentioned about him taking awhile to type that out kinda hints that he’s feeling something else. Ultimately he’s gotta open up to you about everything so you get the truth.

I hope this helps you a bit!! 💕 that’s a tough situation but communication is really key in so many things so I hope he’s willing to talk about this with you and you get some answers and can decide what to do next. I’d still distance myself a bit just to guard your heart and not be involved in any more drama you know

5/25/18

[REQUESTED]

“i actually requested this before but maybe it never actually sent bc the app is faulty :-// but maybe you’re a singer as well, music you wouldn’t expect like BANKS or something but Van publicly says he likes you and is a massive fan or whatever? Fans go crazy and start shipping, eventually meeting, lots of cuteness!!?”

- - - - - 

Hope you enjoy! Not my best work but because exams had been stressing me tha fucc out but school is over! So expect better writings in your near future! :)

- - - - - 

It all started with a sentence.

“Yeah she’s great, I love her.”

And ever since those few simple words were spoken. The media had been in a frenzy over making Van and Y/N a ‘thing.’ She didn’t even know who he was at the time. So when Y/N’s PR manager told her about the boost in her ratings and the extreme rise in her popularity on social media platforms due to the interview, she was left completely awestruck.

“Wait, who is this again?” She asked Gwen. Her longtime good friend as well has her PR manager. She didn’t like to consider Gwen, her ‘manager.’ The same way she didn’t like to consider her fans, fans. They were all supportive friends in her eyes. And she valued them all the same.

“His name is Van. . . Lead singer of Catfish and the Bottlemen.” Gwen replied.

“Catfish and the Bottlemen? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of them before.” Y/N said as Gwen handed her a tablet playing the very interview of Van talking about Y/N and her music.

“She’s amazing. Something about her music just really stands out to me. Not something many artists these days do, ya know? I think she shows a certain sort of vulnerability that’s still really mysterious, so people are able to relate to it. I really admire her. So I’d say. . . Yeah, she’s great, I love her.”  

Y/N was taken aback with shock as well as the feeling of fulfillment. In all honesty, she was flattered that someone way better respected in the music industry would say such endearing things.

“Well, he’s definitely heard of you.” Gwen giggled as Y/N handed her back the tablet.

“What happens now?” Y/N questioned.

“I suppose only time will tell. . .”

- - - - -

2 years later.

In two years a lot had changed. And that was putting it lightly. Y/N had come out with her sophomore album that people seemed to love more than the first. Her following had boomed dramatically. And the whole ‘Y/N and Van’ concurrence had still been going on, however, had died down a little bit. The social media platform was practically the birth of their ‘relationship.’ Interviews had even occurred where questions upon questions about either Van or Y/N were mentioned. But even after all this time, the two still hadn’t met. Gwen called it a ‘forbidden romance’ Y/N said she didn’t believe in that.

The fans from both sides either loved the idea of Y/N and Van together or hated it. She didn’t really mind what the fans thought of the situation because they weren’t together. It was all some wild fantasy portrayed by a few simple words. She knew that’s how high-status life was lived. By rumors. Therefore, she tried to act like the whole issue didn’t exist. It wasn’t exactly the healthiest way to deal with it. But it was the easiest.

Van, on the other hand, did mind.

It bothered him more than he liked to admit to. He’d always been a helpless romantic. Anyone who knows him, knew that. But lately he found it hard to feel so intensely. The songwriting and nomadic lifestyle suited him well. He loved it. However, it drained him. Both emotionally and physically. So the fact the he could still even feel this way. Feel so passionately? It was like his heart was on viagra. He didn’t understand it. It frustrated him at times. But in a way, he was glad that he felt this way. He loved the idea of Y/N. He loved the way she smiled, and the music she made. It was nice to think about an idea that maybe, just maybe he could still fall in love. Maybe with her? Maybe with someone who could understand what he’s feeling. It was just a thought. A wild one at best. But it was comforting. So it never really left his mind. The idea of her was always there in the back of his brain. He never let it go.

Y/N had just started her tour for her new album. She had a lot of sleepless nights and didn’t really have time to think about where she was headed, who she was seeing, and what she was doing. After two months, she finally got a break. She got a week to rest up before she had to fly back to the States for the second part of the tour. . . Or at least she thought she did.

“Oh my god!” Gwen screamed from the hotel bed right next to Y/N’s.

Y/N had finally come down from her caffeine high that had been keeping her awake these past few weeks and was finally able to doze off. She was just on the verge of some peaceful rest when she heard Gwen yell.

“Oh my god, what!?” Y/N retorted, a little frustrated from lack of sleep.

“Guess who’s in town?” Gwen blurted, excitedly.

“Gwen, you know I’m no good at guessing stuff.” Y/N sighed heavily.

“It’s your boyfriend!” Gwen squealed.

“My who?” Y/N replied, dumbfounded.

“Catfish and the Bottlemen are playing here! Tomorrow!” Gwen said.

“Oh, not this stuff again. . . He said he liked my music like. . . Two years ago. . . How is that still relevant?”

“Oh, honey, when it comes to celebrity gossip. Rumors never die.” Gwen replied.

“What rumors?” Y/N replied, once again, dumbfounded. She never paid much attention to social media.

“Oh. . . Just how you’re dating. . . or how you’re possibly engaged. . . or that you might be having his baby. . ? It’s absolutely crazy some of the lies people are able to sell to the public.” Gwen said.

Y/N laughed at the absolutely ridiculous situation she now found herself in.

“So what does this mean? I meet up with him? Go out with him? What if he’s an asshole? What if he doesn’t even actually like me?” Y/N questioned with a raised brow.

“I guess we’ll have to find out,” Gwen said.

“Yeah. . . And how is that?”

“In the two minutes we’ve been talking, I already bought tickets to the show and sent an email to their PR manager,” Gwen smirked.

Y/N groaned dramatically. “You know I love you. . .  But right now I think I really really hate you.”

Internally Y/N was screaming with anxiety and nerves. She really didn’t want to meet Van. She felt it would stir up more rumors and give her even more attention than she already gets from just being these days. But she also was relieved. Relieved it might finally all be over. That meeting this ‘Van’ from ‘Catfish and the Bottlemen’ would put the rumors to rest.

She had a lot of faith to test.

- - - - -

The next day

Y/N still hid the fact that she was fearful of the what the night would entail. She sat on her balcony overlooking the beautiful city with a bottle of rum and a glass. She was pre-gaming as well as trying to kill the nerves built up inside of her.

It was around time to leave to go to the show. Gwen had managed VIP access so that they wouldn’t get spotted in the crowd and become trampled. Gwen also managed a private meetup with the band. The thought of that made Y/N’s whiskey glass go bottoms up.

Y/N decided to dress casual. It was warm outside. She settled for a pair of slacks and a cropped blouse. She wore light makeup, trying to remain as natural and as casual as possible. She didn’t want to meet him in full glamor or anything intense. She wanted to be as real as she could manage. Maybe he would see that. . .  and not be interested. Maybe he would see that Y/N’s not all she makes herself out to be. That really everything about her is the media’s facade of who she really is. And that she’s very normal like everyone else.

Gwen and Y/N walked majority of the way. Y/N insisted on fresh foreign air. But Gwen insisted on a taxi after walking for three blocks, because she decided she was going to wear heels on their three-mile walk to the arena just to stand in said heels for the entire concert as well as the private aftershow. Gwen’s priorities weren’t always straight but she tried her best.

When they arrived at the arena, Y/N and Gwen snuck around back. Gwen introduced herself to security and they escorted the both of them to the backstage entrance.

“Wow. I don’t think I’ve performed on a stage this big before.” Y/N mumbled, awestruck.

“You will one day.” Gwen smiled.

Y/N smiled back. Gulping down the nervousness one last time.

By the time they got there the band was halfway through their set. They sat on the side of the stage. Y/N remained cautious about staying out of the way of any potential camera angles that could spot her. She moved along to the rhythm, next to her was Gwen making a whole mess of herself. They both drank about the same amount. Y/N was always better at holding her liquor though. Gwen was a lightweight. She was even more fun and quirky when intoxicated. So the fact that she was doing the robot to Cocoon was no surprise. Y/N occasionally glanced over at Gwen, only to look back on the four lads performing their hearts out on stage. She didn’t expect to get Van’s attention till after the show. But when he saw her, his heart sank. He looked over at the side of the stage where she was standing. Missing a few verses of the song. He almost forgot where he was when he saw her face. In person. Finally. Her.

He knew that she was coming to the show that night. But that still somehow managed to catch him off guard. So he put on his best cologne despite the fact he was just going to sweat it off. He wore a white button up with the top button undone and a pair of skinny jeans.

He tried to look as proper as he could when he first met her. Hoping she’d noticed that he tried on his appearance, just for her.

When the set was over. Y/N and Gwen had disappeared. He said his goodbyes and they all walked off the stage. They all made it back to the dressing room where they were greeted by their PR manager, Y/N, and Gwen.

Gwen went up and introduced herself. Y/N waved a shy ‘hello.’ She stood back as Gwen stated her relationship to Y/N and the situation they had found themselves in. How they just happened to be in the city and knew that after all the media coverage it would be great to finally meet the band. Y/N nodded in agreement. But didn’t say anything.

They all took seats on the dressing room couches. Y/N sat next to Gwen who sat next to Bondy. An instant spark occurred between the two. They were both flirts. He was contempt and casual. She was the total opposite. But opposite in a way that would attract one another. Every in the room took note of that.

The night carried on, everyone drank and drank. The liquor seemed never-ending. She didn’t even realize how much she had to drink until nausea washed over her. It was something that happened when she used substances to avoid her problems. It was like a way of her grief telling her to ‘deal with it the right way.’

“Hey, I think I’m gonna go grab a smoke.” Y/N mumbled.

Van was laid back in his comfy chair when he finally heard her. The whole night she had just been going along with the conversation. She never really put her input on things. When Van talked. Which was a lot less than he usually did. She never gave him direct eye contact. He didn’t expect things to go like this. He always expected her to be very extroverted and confident. Which she didn’t display any signs of at all. She was so reserved and poise. He didn’t need to know her to know that wasn’t her. So when she mentioned going out for a smoke he took his shot.

“Want me to join?” He asked.

“No, it’s alright.” She replied.

“I think the fresh air will be nice.” She spoke getting up abruptly. Leaving. No one seemed to notice. They were all to busy in conversation to really care. But Van did.

Y/N quickly paced through the backstage area of the amphitheater. She found the exit that led her into the alleyway that she came in. She walked towards the street light. It was quiet outside. So quiet she could hear the wind sway. She didn’t even know the time, but it was late enough for even the nightlife to have had died down. She tried to take a deep breath. But was stopped by the rumbling in her stomach. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate, or how much liquor she had consumed. Her nerves were still there. It was all too much. So much that it expelled out of her like vomit. Literally.

This is not how she had planned her night to go. And that only made it worse was the. .  .

“Jesus, are you okay love?”  

Coming from behind her.

“Fuck.” She muttered as she wiped the gunk off her chin.

Her eyes were all watered up and she just felt like taking a nap on the very ground beneath her and wishing this night had never happened.

She felt hands on her shoulders helping her stand still as she slowly stood back up straight.

“Yeah, I’m fine. All good.” She said, shakily.

“I think I’m just going to call a cab.” Y/N spoke to Van as she reached for her phone.

Van just looked at her with this sort of hurt in his eyes. She quickly looked away. She held down the home button on her phone. But it was dead. Of course.

“I’m going to call us a cab, love. Make sure you get home safe.” Van spoke softly.

This what not what Y/N had expected him to be like. So calm and caring. Maybe he wasn’t the hypothetical asshole after all.

Van called a cab and gave them the address. Y/N curled up against the brick wall beside her and tried to calm down.

‘This isn’t really happening.’

‘This is all just some fucked up dream. . . Right?’

Van crouched down beside her. Handing her a half-empty bottle of water.

“Here, I usually bring one with me to put my butts out in. I think you probably need it more than I do though.” He grinned nervously.

Y/N took the kind gesture and shyly took the bottle from Van’s hand. Gulping it down and sighing.

“I’m sorry, this is. . . So, so embarrassing.” Y/N muttered looking at the ground.

“It’s alright. I don’t mind. . . I mean this isn’t what I expected our first time meeting to be like, but. . . well, life is pretty unexpected.” He said.

Y/N chuckled. “Yeah, I guess so. . .” She spoke.

She looked over at Van, making eye contact this time. He looked at her back. She never knew how blue his eyes were until she saw them under a full moon in the early morning hours. A very rare occurrence at best.

“You got a little something.” He mumbled as he slowly moved his hand towards her cheek. He used his thumb to wipe the tear dripping down her face. She hadn’t really been crying. It was more of a physiological reaction to when she became stressed. Or maybe that was her dumb excuse for ‘I’m not crying.’

She gave off a shy laugh and a sniffle. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He replied with a grin.

They sat in a short moment of silence until the taxi pulled up. Van held the door for her as she not-so-agilely, plopped into the seat. Instantly leaning her head against the window.

Van got in behind her. And they drove off back to the hotel.

- - - - -

When they arrived he got out and opened the door for her once again. He slung his arm behind her to help as she sloppily walked towards the entrance of her hotel.

“Van, you really don’t have to do this. I got it from here.” She said secretly embarrassed.

“I don’t mean to spook ya, but you’re really drunk Y/N. I don’t know if you’ll be able to find your own room. . . I’ll walk you there, and then we never have to see each other again.”

“Why would you want that?” Y/N retorted.

“Oh- I assumed. . . That’s what you wanted.” Van spoke shyly.

“Of course not. I’d love to see you again. Just. . . on better terms.” She groaned as another wave of nausea hit.

Van smiled. Internally his heart felt like exploding.

“Of course.” He replied.

Van helped Y/N as they stumbled up to her room. Walking up the stairs because the hotel was ‘Rustic’ themed and decided against elevators.

When they made it to her room she fidgeted in her bag for her key card. Once she grabbed it she turned around to face Van, who was really close.

Face to face they stood. After all this time. All the controversy. All the rumors. They stood here. Together. He thought it was just a dream she did too but in a totally different construct.

“Thank you.” She murmured to him. Meeting him in the eye.

“No problem. Anytime.” He chuckled back. Putting his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Y/N said.

“Course.”

“Would you mind hugging me? I feel really weak from all the barf and stuff. Sometimes it helps.” She said in all seriousness.

He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her. He held her tight. Lightly tracing his lips on her forehead.

She slowly inched her arms around his waist and there they stood. In a foreign country.

Together.

After all this time.

She slowly let go. His heart ached a big ‘no’. Knowing that he’d have to get on a plane that afternoon. Not knowing the next time he’d see her face.

“Goodnight, Van.” She spoke softly as she disappeared into her dark room like an apparition in the night light.

“Goodnight.” He replied. As the door slowly shut.

Till next time. . .

Goodnight.

85 Truths Tag

Tagged by @moonseff who i love (from afar like a total weirdo) w/ all m heart 

85 Truths Tag

Tag 20: @gracefully-falling, @taaeeter-tots, @yoongsb, @hobismovingcastle, @beth-is-trash, @lookingforco, @taeonice, @bfjhs, @redheadhobi, @hugsforhobi,  @joonbird, @fly-with-hobi ((and im sorry 20 is too ambitious of a number for the likes of me))

1. Last Drink- Water! bc i got roped into impromptu living room yoga with my roommate

2. Phone call- My roommate (I called her from the living room to get her to come have breakfast with me... definitely don’t have codependency issues!)

3. Text message- Dad! 

4. Song you listened to- Bad Things by Lizzy Land (to get my angst mood on)

5. Time you cried- Friday night, i got super drunk and cried about my mum and more over missing my grandma 😂😂😂

6. Dated someone twice- Noooooo

7. Kissed someone and regretted it- Nope 

8. Been cheated on- Not to my knowledge!

9. Lost someone special- Yeah (aforementioned grandma)

10. Been depressed- For sure

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up- Never thrown up!

Fave colours:

12. Yellow (its so HAPPY!)

13. Purple

14. Blue

In the last year have you:

15. Made new friends- Yes!

16. Fallen out of love- Yes

17. Laughed until you cried- Yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you- Yes! (but in the good way)

19. Met someone who changed you- Yes! IRL and on tumblr too (@gracefully-falling ily)

20. Found out who your true friends are- Kind of?

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list- Nope

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl?- I’d say 85% of them?

23. Do you have any pets- Noooo BUT I WANT A SNAKE SO BAD BUT MY ROOMMATES HATE THEM :(

24. Do you want to change your name- Used to but now I like Emily

25. What did you do for your last birthday- Had a party which doubled as my ‘goodbye im leaving this city’ party with a bunch of my friends, we played boardgames and video games and drank a lot

26. What time did you wake up today- At 8am cause i needed to do laundry :( 

27. What were you doing at midnight last night- WIDE AWAKE and continued to be wide awake till 5AM

28. What is something you can’t wait for- TRAVELLING! I’m going to Iceland and Korea this year!!

30. What are listening to right now-Thief by Ansel Elgort

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom- Yes!! One of my best friends!!

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves- Filling out apartment contracts for next year T.T

33. Most visited website- Tumblr probably but also Netflix (I’m basic)

34. Hair colour- Brown dip dyed blonde at the ends

35. Long or short hair- Loooooong (takes me like an hour to brush it ITS SO ANNOYING BUT ALSO SHORT HAIR LOOKS SO BAD ON ME UGHHH)

36. Do you have a crush on someone- Constantly 😂 i love people

37. What do you like about yourself- I’m loyal and compassionate I like to think. I’m always the first one to stand up for my friends. I have bad social anxioety but the minute my friends are upset i get like ‘friend-mum adrenaline’ and go HAM.

38. Want any piercings- I want to get my secondary piercings on my ears

39. Blood type- Idk I think its O but that just what my mum told me... and she probably didn’t know either so just told me the most common 😂

40. Nicknames- Em, Emmie, Snemily (my roommates and I call each other by our names but with a Sn at the front😂) and some embarrasing family nicknames from my dad: Em the Grem and Squem.

41. Relationship status- single pringle too scared to mingle

42. Zodiac - Virgo

43. Pronouns- she/her


44. Favorite TV Shows: ughh SO MANY but right now it’s probably Jane the Virgin


45. Tattoos- Have 10 but want more :D


46. Right or left handed- Right


47. Ever had a surgery- I’ve had my ears pinned back and my appendix taken out


48. Piercings- just ears


49. Sport- Scuba Diving!/Swimming/Kayaking


50. Vacation- Going to Iceland and Korea this year - next on my bucket list is Fiji!


51. Trainers- Whaaaat?


More general

52. Eating- I just had a pizza :3


53. Drinking- water


54. I’m about to watch- Flower Boy Ramen Shop for the third time 😂


55. Waiting for- ICELAND!


56. Want- Cute dresses pls n thnx


57. Get married- Maybe? i dont really care but if my S/O wants to then I will


58. Career- Want to be a photographer (preferably underwater)


Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses- ALWAYS BOTH THANKS


60. Lips or eyes- ooooooh tough one. BOTH!


61. Shorter or taller- I like girls who are not too much shorter than me and not too much taller than me and I like taller guys.


62. Older or younger- Older!!


63. Nice arms or stomach- Don’t care :)


64. Hookup or relationship- Both? Either or? I love both but put more significance into relationships so FINE! Relationships.


65. Troublemaker or hesitant- Hesitant? mostly?


Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger- haha no!


67. Drank hard liquor- Yes


68. Lost glasses- Ugh always. The bane of my existence.


69. Turned someone down- Yes


70. Sex on first date- Nope


71. Broken someone’s heart- I think so :(


72. Had your heart broken- yeah


73. Been arrested- no


74. Cried when someone died- yes


75. Fallen for a friend- Not fully


Do you believe in

76. Yourself- Yes (and even if i dont i’ll lie to myself until i do believe)


77. Miracles- no


78. Love at first sight- A version of it


79. Santa claus- No


80. Kiss on first date- If its right its right honey


81. Angels- No... but spirits that may or may not choose to watch over people yes.


Other

82. Best friend’s name- (not sure if they want me outing them >.>)


83. Eye colour- Blue


84. Fave movie- The Breakfast Club


85. Fave actor: Lee Min Ho <3

Tim Drake Positivity Week -Day 4: Funny or Serious

Category: Gen

Genre: Humor/Fluff/Angst/Family

Fandoms: DC Comics, Batverse, Superverse

Continuity : Post-Crisis/Pre-Flashpoint referenced. Rebirth

Summary: Family is a tricky matter in those parts and it's especially true for people who were gone from the world for so long. (featuring Jon, Clark and Conner)

Word Count: 4 979

AN: I'm very late because while this piece has been finished for like a month, I didn't have time to write it on my computer so its posting has been delayed and I apologize (I was already late because it got away from me and started getting long. I had to cut some parts).  

This is part of my own version of Tim Drake's come back in the DC Rebirth Plot which I've been working on and planning for, for about a year and a half now. Since I kind of loath Tynion's take on his character...I mean people talk about Lobdell but Tynion worsened everything like 100 times and at least Lobdell admitted to his fault when he created his first Origin Story by saying it wasn't Tim Drake... they literally had everything on a silver platter and they decided to throw it out. It's ridiculous I'm telling you. I still haven't read A Lonely Place of Living, I'm waiting until next Thursday to read it all at once partially because Tynion's writing feels so bland -mostly bc his notion of character development is using timeskips and because he's told a fan he considered Rebirth!Tim to be the same as preboot!Tim and it scared me more than anything because he's exactly the same as N52!Tim- partially because I didn't want to have to wait for a story I had 99% chances of disliking because of the issues I mentioned in the tags and here (or as Shawn Spencer said in Psych, "Just 'cause you put syrup on somethin', don't make it pancakes").

ANYWAY, this happens during my AU which I promise I will start posting some time in November. It kind of gives away a part of it but at the same time, it's something that's so obvious it's not really given away (especially if you've read some of my Tumblr posts). The point of the other fic being "how does it get to this point?".

To read it on AO3

Finally! It was time. Jon had been waiting for this for months (well three months). Which was when Kon-El/Conner had come back to the land of livings...or Earth. True he hadn’t been thrilled to learn about Jon’s existence at first -more the opposite actually- apparently because he and his dad had had issues? And Jon being the new Superboy or something. On top of which there had been the Tim Drake and Bart Allen cases to deal with which prevent any of the older Super’s issues to be solved. But Conner had warmed up to him and now Jon was allowed to spend his Week-End at his place. In Ca.li.for.nia!

Now Jon had gotten used to Metropolis (his self from three months ago would have killed him for it) but the sun of Metropolis wasn’t as agreeable as the one of their old town? And definitely not as nice as the one in California!

He was also finally going to really meet Damian’s “lost” brother whom he had nicknamed the “real” Tim Drake (not to be mean to the other Tim but Witness Protection program and all that Jazz made it his fake name).

So Jon was really excited. His dad was coming down the stairs now, so he could fly him over (Jon still had trouble controlling his power of flight). Jon had just kissed his mom goodbye and was literally jumping to the ceiling in excitement.

“Conner, if you keep pacing like this you’re going to leave a trail on the ground.” Conner stopped. He turned to his right to look at Tim who was reading something on his tablet, comfortably settled on the couch, lounging in jeans and T-shirt, a look Conner was still trying to get used to. Not that Tim had never worn those before, it simply hadn’t been a common sight. He tried to glare at him but the panicked look in his eyes and seemingly emanating from every pore of his skin made him look more like a scared puppy than anything else.

“You don’t get it Tim. You didn’t completely mess up with your younger brother!”

Tim looked up from his Tablet, stared at Conner for a few seconds while raising his eyebrows. It was quite obviously meant to be taken as a “seriously?” and When had Tim learned to do that? And from who? Okay, that question was easily answered. It was probably Alfred.

“I meant as a first meeting! You tried to welcome Damian while I basically just had a small fit like a spoiled brat.”

Great. He was pouting now. Tim sighed and put his tablet on the coffee table next to him. Conner sighed as well and went to sit on it so he could face Tim.

“Look I understand you’re stressed out but it’s quite clear that the kid is ready to forgive you…Plus you had extenuating circumstances…you know with the “mixed memories” and the “having just woken up in a tube” things. And you’re great with kids. Remember Traya, she could make you do anything just by looking at you? You’ll be awkward at first and then you two will be planning my doom”. He paused, seemingly deep in thoughts. “Now that I think about it, I should probably be the one to worry. I mean your little brother or nephew or cousin or whatever is friends with Damian.”

Conner snorted and looked at Tim, now a lot calmer.

“Please. I’m pretty sure you’d be able to tell if he was planning something, he’s not very sneaky”. He paused, breathing deeply. ”Okay, I’m feeling a little better now. Thanks, Wonder Boy.”

He clapped him on the knee as Tim started to smile at him. Both started when the doorbell rang and Tim saw Conner stiffen. Seeing as the meta was starting to panic again, Tim got up first, quickly followed by Conner, and answered the door. He couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face as he saw the new Superboy bouncing on the ball of his feet. He would have smiled anyway (he wasn’t the social butterfly of the Batfam for no reason after all) but at least now it was completely genuine.

“Hey, Clark, Jon, welcome.”

Jon beamed up at him and bit his lower lip as Clark had settled his hands on his shoulders, probably to prevent his son from accidentally showing his powers to their neighbors. Tim moved to his right so they could come in, closed the door and turned to see Conner awkwardly trying to start a conversation. Jon looked at them, in boredom or disbelief, Tim wasn’t sure. So he walked toward him, leaving both “older” Kryptonians (and damn, Conner was younger than his younger brother) trying to avoid the elephant in the room as he addressed Jon.

“Hey, do you want me to show you your room while these two shuffle awkwardly?”

Jon looked at him with pure relief in his eyes and replied with said relief seeping through his words.

“Yes please” He paused “Wait.” He looked between Conner and Tim “I get my own room?”

Conner, who had been glaring at Tim along with Clark, nodded at slowly, taken aback by the kid’s excitement but a smile started to grow because of it. He was definitely a cute kid. Now the point of this Week-End was to find the personality hidden underneath all the cuteness and see if they had a chance of getting along even outside of the vigilante field. Tim had been right when he had told him, a few days after being back, that Conner needed a family outside of the Teen Titans. Something more stable that didn’t rely on a roster and Tim himself was looking for his own place within the Bats or…How had he said it again? “I’d help you by lending you mine but I’m not sure what it entails right now”. And of course they had each other but Conner was sure Tim meant “aside from each other”. He used to have Ma (and Pa for a short time) but he was barely starting acclimating to them when he died and he had finally (relatively) gotten used to it, having a stable family life when those world-changing event happened. There had been that first year in Hawaï with Roxy, Tana, Dubbilex and Rex but “stable” wasn’t the word he’d use to describe that time (still the closest he had for about two years)…And well he did miss Clark and Steel (and Kara and Matrix but…). And Okay, he had never really thought about having siblings. He already had Roxy and Bart and the kids from Cadmus but the idea was appealing even if, technically, Jon would be his nephew? What did you call the child of your cousin? Now that he thought about it was his cover still that of Clark’s cousin? Or was he his brother now? His son? No. He was brought back to that first time of awareness in this new world and shuddered so briefly that only Clark had noticed it. The fact that Tim had apparently lead Jon to his room and left them to their own devices while Conner was daydreaming might have helped in that. Clark who was now lifting an eyebrow, demanding an explanation for Conner’s mind’s wandering. Nice to know Clark was still the king of righteousness. Conner sighed and replied to Clark’s silent probing.

“It’s nothing, something just reminded me of the tube I woke up in. Which got me thinking, are we gonna use the same “I’m your cousin" I.D?”

Clark cleared his throat having been clearly hoping he’d be able to avoid the topic or maybe he was just that awkward with him.

“Actually, Lois and I were thinking that since, uh, you’re not 21 yet, and Ma’s not here anymore”, he paused. Both Kents feeling the weight of her loss in their heart, she was much better at dealing with these family matters than either of them. Conner should have stayed with her. He wanted nothing more than to have stayed with her –with Tim while he sorted through his own family matters of course. But she was gone. And he had to get used to that fact. Apparently, all his parental figures had died while he was “asleep” or whatever had happened to him. Clark’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. “We thought we could be your legal guardians with me being your big brother. It’d be a little hard to explain your existence any other way without making up a whole different family tree.” He paused again. He had started to gain a good rhythm but it seemed like it wasn't easy. Clark was more used to forcing his will on Conner (even if he had gotten better at talking to him over time…Clark still wasn’t Ma Kent and the thought almost had him panicking. He tried to control his breath again -his meeting with Parallax and Sinestro not yet forgotten- and continued. Conner’s little frown didn’t help). “I meant that we would have to create a new mother and where you’d have lived before coming to Smallville -you know how thorough Batman can be when he wants to- and I just thought that me becoming my younger brother’s legal guardian after the death of our Mother made more sense. It allows you to stay here and continue your studies, if you want to. But if you need anything you know my home is yours.” Clark stopped. He was starting to mumble. This situation, with Conner, had never been easy. He had barely started to hit his 30’s when Kon had first appeared. He was too young to have a teenage son (it didn’t help that the child in question was born because a creep stole his DNA to experiment on). Now he was hitting his 40’s and Conner had lost so many years, first with his own death then with the last world-altering nonsense (if only it was only those) and he hadn’t caught up, Conner was barely out of his teens and while Clark could now be a father. Their history got in the way and Conner had a confusing enough track record and putting a little “normalcy” and “stability” in his life had been one of his main reasons to have him live with Ma in the first place. And yet, things had gotten so messed up. He looked at the young man in front of him (because at virtually 19 that’s what he was now and if it that didn’t send a wave of regret…-for Conner’s missed childhood? For not helping him like he should have been helped in his first few years? For everything Conner missed while he was forced to not grow up (and there were too many times it had happened in his life)?- then what could?). Conner seemed startled. Clark didn’t know what exactly had startled him but then he grinned and held out his hand for Clark to shake and said:

“Deal.”

Of course, Clark wasn’t naïve enough to think Conner was perfectly okay with this but being given a chance was all he could ask for. And they smiled awkwardly at each other. Damn.

“Hey Tim, what’s the matter with dad and Conner?”

Jon had just finished putting his clothes in the dresser of his room under Tim’s watchful eyes –he felt lucky he had had to deal with Bart for years and learned to watch out for hyperactive-like kids. The question, while expected was not one Tim was keen on answering.

“It’s not really my place to say at this point. Maybe you try asking him tomorrow morning?”

That pout. Damn. Tim could definitely see the family traits. Though Conner’s always seemed a lot less innocent (to be fair he never looked like an 11 years old and he almost always had terrible ideas fueling them). On a side note, what were the chances Jon had listened in on the other two? Tim didn’t know him enough to actually utter a guess.

“Anyway, due to various time issues we weren’t sure what kids your age like but we thought Video Games was kind of a timeless thing and we’ve got tons of them. Cass has been filling our living room with books if it’s more your thing but Conner and I are more comic books people…There’s also my own training gear in my version of the “Batcave” if you want.”

Apparently, those were the right things to say to divert the child’s attention because he seemed ready to start jumping again (it was probably the mention of video games).

“You’ve got video games? Are they old? ‘Cause you’re old, you’re even older than Conner and you guys haven’t had a lot of time to adjust right?”

Tim felt the urge to cry in protest but had to remind himself of the kid’s age and managed to avoid snapping at him.

“We’ve got all kinds, remember one of us is a speedster so even if Conner and I hadn’t yet, he’s had the time to catch up”

“Cool! By the way, did you mean it when you said I could train in your…what did you call it again? Nest?”

Once again Tim was glad he had had to deal with Bart for a long while otherwise, he’s not sure he could have followed Jon’s babbling. He wondered vaguely if Conner would have acted in a similar way had he been given a chance to be 11. And the bad jokes…Was Superman as bad? He seemed to be from the little times they had interacted and from what Conner had told him (though that one seemed more like unreliable narration).

“I don’t call it anything other than HQ. Conner calls it a nest too though so you can do it.” He paused. “Just please don’t use it outside of this apartment”.

Jon tried to hold in a laugh (and quite obviously failed) before Tim ushered him back downstairs.

“C’mon let’s save those two from an awkwardness overload.”

As Conner closed the door behind his cousin. Wait. Brother. It felt weird. He turned to his best friend and to the kid who apparently was his nephew now.

“So…This is finally over.”

He felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket and he felt his cheeks heat up as he read the message he had just received: “I heard that you know.” Tim and Jon looked at each other questioningly but seemed to decide not to pry (if only because they had already guessed what had happened, Jon himself having been on the receiving hand of his father’s hearing quite a few times). Conner tried to ignore them as he started walking to the kitchen.

“Alright, it’s time to eat!”

Tim’s deadpan voice came from where he and Jon and stayed, making him stop in his track:

“Conner it’s barely 6. How about we spend some downtime together”

Conner’s cheeks turned pink. in his hurry to forget what had happened with Clark he had forgotten pretty much everything else that was going on. He took a sudden turn to the right, toward the living room as he exclaimed:

“Video Games it is.”

Tim sighed and mumbled something about how it was lucky Jon was part of a video games generation and they had already decided it was going to be their next activity or the night would have started badly.

“Right, turn on the Switch, we still have the last sonic game to play and it’s ideal when we have guests”.

Tim snorted as he approached his best friend who had paused in the doorway, patting him on the back as he took his wrist to lead him toward the various video game stations they had. He turned to John.

“C’mon, want to help me destroy his sorry ass?”

“Tim! Don’t talk like that! Clark’s never gonna forgive me if we talk that way in front of his kid!”

Conner was starting to panic, and Tim felt sorry for him. That he was so stressed out about something as simple as…What was wrong exactly with what he had said? He looked at Conner Questioningly.

“You realize you’re not supposed to use words like “ass” in front of a kid, right?”

Tim’s eyes turned slightly vacant. He had, in fact, not known that.

“Oh.”

He turned toward Jon who, annoyed, was grumbling about not being a kid.

“Sorry Jon, I had no idea Conner had become a proper adult. You shall now only refer to him for adult matters. He’s the responsible one”.

Tim had left Conner’s side to set up the console with Jon while his friend was still shell-shocked. Conner was fuming, and he started to raise his arms in frustration.

“It’s not funny Tim! You know how much is riding on this!”

Tim stopped for a second and signed for Jon to keep taking out the console. He got up and walked toward Conner setting his hands gently on his right shoulder and forearm so Conner would drop his arms. He did, forcing Tim to drop his hands and turned to face Tim whose left hand had replaced his right one on Conner’s right shoulder as the other settled on the left side of his neck, hoping he could get his best friend to look him in the eye so he could try to ground him and avoid what he knew was going to turn into a sour mood.

“Hey, it’s okay Conner. Jon’s 11 so I doubt he’s never heard the word before that and he probably knows not to use this kind of language in front of his parents. And you’re stressing yourself too much this is just a mise-en-bouche.”

He stopped for a second, making sure Conner was looking into his eyes “But I promise I’ll make an effort” He patted his friend’s neck and put his hands back to his side and started to walk back toward the consoles. “C’mon let’s get defeated by your brother…Nephew...whichever.”

Conner caught up to him in a few tranquil strokes (being taller than Tim had its advantages and reminding him of the fact was one of them).

“Apparently, it’s Nephew, I’m Clark’s little brother now. Also you might get defeated but that’s because you su- I mean you’re awful at those kinds of Video Games.”

Tim was smiling. He knew it. He may not have been able to see it but he could feel Tim’s wry smile. It was there. Because not two minutes ago he had been pani- no he had been lecturing Tim about his language and he almost had a slip up himself. But Tim seemed to feel magnanimous enough not to mention it…yet.

They had been playing for about an hour and Jon had, in fact, kicked their asses. Conner would probably feel less sulky if Tim hadn’t gotten the best of him too.

He was starting to pout (glare. He was glaring at them) when Tim interrupted the game to say they should prepare their snacks-dinner and to join him once he was done taking the ingredients out. Conner wondered what it could be since they didn’t have much more than pasta ingredients and it wasn’t really “snack-dinner” worthy…Unless…Nah Tim wouldn’t show this side of them to a new guest…Would he?

Anyway, Tim had been in the middle of the couch, between the two Supers and feeling him slip away had Conner almost latching onto his arm and beg him to stay with them when the older teen threw him a look that meant “He’s here so you guys could bond, I’ve been playing the mediator for the past hour and a half, it’s time to deal with your shit”. Okay, so maybe Conner was reading a little more into this and the look just meant “grow a pair”, or “grow up”. The point of the message was still the same.

And damn, it was probably gonna be awkward. What if it was as awkward as when he talked to Clark but this time he would be in Clark’s shoes? This is a terrible ending. What if…

“Tim’s really cool! You’re lucky he was your Robin. I have to deal with Damian. I mean, we get along better (way better) than we did months ago but he’s still a pain. Tim was probably a thousand time more fun to deal with! I mean he’s already much more fun to deal with than most of the other bats even if he’s old.”

Conner looked at the new Superboy, mouth slightly open at having been interrupted in his internal freakout. He couldn’t help but laugh, both at Jon’s conclusion and in relief, startling the kid.

“Oh, Believe me, Tim wasn’t fun or even funny back then. Well…He still isn’t funny. His jokes are awful. He was our leader you know, so he felt responsible for our lives. Plus back then there was the secret identity issue. It frustrated me a lot. Back then we…We didn’t get along actually. In a different way from you and Damian because we wanted to be friends but the circumstances got in the way and pushed us apart. It was quite complicated if I’m being honest. Way more than I realized back then”.

He paused looking at his hands. He had loved that time; when they were all pretty innocent even if some of the most tragic moments of their lives happened during that very period of time : Tana’s death, Guardian’s, Gotham turning into a No Man’s Land, Bruce being accused of murder and going awry, the first time the gap between Tim and Steph really made itself known, Cissie almost killing someone, one of Bart’s clones dying…Apokolips in general…, among others. He really missed the innocence they had before all those events started accumulating. On the other hand, and he knew it was selfish of him considering all the hurt that was needed to get there and how much it caused afterwards, he wouldn’t give up the depth it had given to his and Tim’s friendship for anything in the world, with maybe the exception of Tim having a happy life. He looked up at the kid beside him, hoping he wouldn’t have to go through half as much as he did (but he had Clark and Lois and there was a better support system for young Heroes so he was already off to a better start than Kon had been, and he’d make sure to help keep it that way). He had to take a deep breath as nostalgia took hold of his heart. Because despite everything he had just thought, he wished the evolution of his and Tim’s relationship hadn’t happened at the expense of their innocence and he felt terrible at being responsible for such a big part of Tim’s own. Whether during the war or when he died. He was brought back to reality by Jon hovering next to his arm, looking slightly worried. Conner tried to recompose himself as he continued:

“What I mean is that we had to go through many trials for Tim –and the rest of us really- to learn, and re-learn to have fun and stop being so serious all the time. Now that Tim’s not needed in Gotham, he’s free to be more…at ease I guess…That and he’s trying to make us more...content I guess, so we would have less of a chance to end up like his family.”

He watched Jon grimace and mutter a small “yeah no kidding” and he winked at the kid. He was starting to truly like him. But he felt it was time to join Tim, after all –and despite what Tim himself might think- he needed to bond with Jon almost as much as Conner did.

They both got up as Conner ushered the young hero toward the kitchen which they found filled with recipients and when Conner started smelling it, all he could do was stop abruptly and say:

“Wait a second. Cheese? Potatoes. More cheese?” He paused, his voice going lower as if he had found the answer to the universe because he realized Tim had actually decided on what he had hoped they would be eating. “A deep fryer.”

He shared a look with Tim who smiled at him and they both exclaimed at the same time:

“Cuatro Quesos Dos Fritos!”

Jon started, surprised at their exclamation, staring at them as if they were aliens. Okay, wrong choice of word. Not alien, but something he hadn’t expected. Wondering if they weren’t lunatics –or if they really were adults. He asked in a small voice:

“What’s Quatro Quesos Dos Fritos?”

Tim seemed to remember they had a novice in the delicious art of cheesy food with them and started explaining as he got close to the oven.

“Only the most delicious snack of all time. It’s potatoes filled with a cheese mixture. And when they’re finished, they look a little something like this.”

While he had been distracting both Supers with his little explanation, Tim had taken a plate from within the oven and showed it to them. Conner looked at him, half amazed, half laughing.

“Dude, how did you just fabricate Cuatro Quesos Dos Fritos out of thin air?”

Tim smiled as Jon looked like a fish out of water. Luckily Conner had decided to humor him in his little game.

“C’mon Conner this is how all successful TV chefs do it.” He turned to Jon, his smile threatening to break his face as he took in Jon’s amazed look. “Try one of those, kid, because here’s the best part, they’re very healthy for us."

Jon snorted as he tried one of the Cuatro Quesos dos Fritos then stopped as he was hit by the amazing flavor of the treat, ready to complain to his father for hiding such marvelous food from him all his life. Conner, for his part, rolled his eyes and chose to focus on the delicious taste of the potatoes as he replied:

“I don’t even care that’s not true”

Tim looked affronted as if Conner had said the worse possible thing.

“Are you kidding? All major cheese groups are represented, you’ve got yellow, orange and white!”

Jon grinned as the two almost adults started arguing on the benefits of cheese.

They spent their night making Cuatro Quesos Dos Fritos and playing video Games. Jon complained about Damian (fully supported by Tim) and talked about his adventures in Super Hero-ing while Conner traded him for some of his own. Mostly those back in Hawai (no need for the kid to know about those times he was left to his own device or his Luthor Paranoia) with Roxy, Tana, Dubbilex, Rex and Sam. And while his heart squeezed when he thought about them (Dubbilex was dead and there was nothing he could do about it), they remained at the back of his thoughts. He was starting to truly move on from that part of his life and the various circumstances that had caused him so much grief. He was happy. His relationship with Jon was merely in its early stages, they were merely acquaintances at this point, but he could actually say “early” and believe there would be a follow-up.

He was happily settled against Tim, sharing his family with him because that’s how far they had gotten and he now had a nephew who looked up to him and it both scared him and left him elated (it almost reminded him of Bart when he was Impulse but he had known Kon’s issues better than Jon did and was much less star struck by him).

The best part though was that they were here making jokes and smiling and being happy without thinking about what could go wrong and, really, he couldn’t think of anything he would want more at this point (except having Bart and even Cassie with them).

Bonus:

“Can you believe it Robin? They had so many video games it was amazing! And Cuatro Quesos Dos Fritos had to be made in heaven, it’s hard to believe they exist!”

It was Sunday night and Jon and Damian had gone out for “Patrol” as Damian called it, and Jon had started rambling about his week-end in California the second Damian showed up. He snorted. His relationship with this Drake was more vitriolic than with the other one. Some details were confusing. The merging of the worlds meant that some things didn’t make complete sense as their different sets of memories adjusted to each other and some were just lost. In any case, it didn’t mean he had to be happy to hear about Drake’s “amazingness”.

“I’ve got to say though, I didn’t know what to expect when I got there but they’re so cool. Conner’s so lucky to have a boyfriend as cool as Tim!” He paused. “Wait, does that mean that we’re…kinda officially a family and…”

“They’re not dating”.

The voice cut right through Jon’s monologue like a cold shower would a heat streak gotten on a beach near Ajaccio. Jon was dumbstruck.

“What?”

Damian tried to level his eyes with Jon.

“I said that they’re not dating. As in they’re not together, not in a relationship”

Jon froze and Damian started waving his right hand in front of the younger boy’s eyes until he started blinking again. It was as if his stress levels had risen all at once and so had the pitch of his voice.

“How the hell is that possible ! ? “

Jon was now reviewing his whole Week-End, completely lost and looked at Damian when the boy, coming out of his own shock at Jon’s vocabulary, cleared his throat, trying to regain his snark.

“Now do you understand why I call Drake an idiot?”

AEN: First thing firsts, Conner actually knows what happened to him he just doesn’t want to think about it more than he has to. It was also a fairly important plot point in the real fic so when I thought about it later on I was fairly relieved :p

2nd, in my mind, Tim is about 6-10 months older than Conner. Because Conner was 16 for like a year and a half but when he started aging Tim was 15. So he died when he was 17 and Tim had turned 16 like 3 months before (Tim’s 16th Birthday issue happened around the beginning of Teen Titans). Then Kon was dead for a year and a half going on two years, Tim was 17 almost 18 at the end of Red Robin (we know that if N52 hadn’t happened we would have an issue about Tim’s 18th Birthday fairly soon after) so he was about 17 and a half (probably a little more) when Conner came back to life. Hence Tim being between 6 and 10 months older than Conner.

3. they need hugs. They all do.

4.  the Cuatro Quesos Dos Fritos was shamelessly stolen from the Psych Slumber Party bit on USA today for a Psych Marathon a few years ago. Because Half the time I see Shawn and Gus I can't help but think of Tim and Kon (except I reverse the roles often). I just slightly modified it to fit the story. (but seriously if you haven't, go watch the first four seasons of Psych).

30 years since the last critically acclaimed movie, but only like, 50 or 10 since the last one, depending on how time works, skywalkers are fucking shit up in the galaxy once more...

Luke’s gone, Leia’s still a badass, the heavy metal empire has been replaced with the emo-lite first order, just as much nazi garbage and none of the impressive capes. Instead they have a giant toddler who stomps around and eats shit on a regular basis and jerks off to his grandpa’s dead face, probably. Fucking weeb. This pilot, Poe, who I honestly don’t feel much of a connection to, sorry, is trying to get this old man to give him a map to Luke so he can come kick ass. But the douchelord Kellog’s Frosted Fuckup shows up and shoots everyone, bc uncle issues or something. poe gets captured, but shoves the map into his magic 8 ball, which escapes and finds a random superhuman jedi lady of amazingly ironic ancestry in the middle of, you guessed it, a desert. She’s Rey, and to quote some ghost guy who once got gutted inside a palace’s weird power dungeon murder hole, she’s probably maybe might be the chosen one for real this time, I swear to the force it’s for real this time yoda. Then, this amazeballs stormtrooper, Finn, has morals and courage and heart and all the things they wanted in wizard of oz, and is like, fuck this nazi shit, I’m out, and helps poe escape. Sadly, they crash, and poe apparently dies but really leaves finn to die in a plothole of a scene that someone in the writers room should be really embarassed over. Finn meets rey, and it’s love at first “oh shit”. It’s all meet cute/meet thief for a second, and then shit starts blowing up sideways, there was hand holding and running and “follow me”s and then the girl in white and the guy with the leather jacket get on the falcon and leave the desert planet. Classic. Speaking of classic, being the collector’s machinery that she is, the falcon breaks down and they get caught in a tractor beam of a larger ship, which conveniently Han and Chewie are on. Two gangs show up, the giant squid-tribbles escape, scooby doo mayhem ensues. They get away in the falcon and nope the fuck out. Spooky the gollum wannabe teases Kyle about Han and he acts like a pissbaby, says it’s nothing. Oh, and I guess he surprises everyone because somehow this giant moronic imbecile incompetent failure came from the pure glorious happy love of han and leia. Fuck you jar jar abrams. Fuck you in the eye. With a lensflare. This bullshit. The gang checks the map and realize it’s borked, Han gives the lowdown on “it’s real” and also that some sick asswipe death-murdered the jedi like some moron trilby with anger management issues because his mom cancelled his xbox live account because he wasn’t getting good enough grades at jedi academy due to playing the sith campaign of some shitty remade SW game with a pretty decent plot that every teen boy over analyzes and gets the wrong take away from. Anyways, they go to Takodana and Maz’s epic castle that was never fully explained. For some reason they need her to find the resistance for them, which I’m like, just have Han wave at a holocam for like, 2 seconds and you will find literally almost everyone except luke because he’s pouting over history repeating itself. So naturally while they are all chilling at the castle, the party splits bc Finn is scared and Rey is gonna go home and Han is just like, eyes roll emoji. Who knows where chewie went, they act like he isn’t a character or something. But twist, the big ol space nazis find them. Rey finds a lightsaber (prolly just a family heirloom or smth, nbd) and bolts after having visions of all these epics ass movies and shit. My beloved young padawan super duper force sensitive jedi in training Finn is given the lightsaber, bc even Maz can tell that those two are always gonna watch out for each other and are obvs soulmates and he’s the best bet to get it to Rey, the inheriting granddaughter. (also, didn’t a bunch of little kids get murdered with that at least once, possibly twice???) As they leave, death star 3 and with a much lamer name but really cool lore blows the everloving shit out of coruscant 2.0, killing a few more characters that I was probably more interested in than Kyle’s boring weepy “my parents dont’ accept me for being an edgelord” lame ass backstory. Then the TIE fighters try to wreck my fave dudes with some weak sauce army, but then that same ace pilot who apparently left finn to fucking die, nbd, true love amirite? brings the party to them in an epic callback with improved graphics. Meanwhile, that boring infant Ronald mcdumbass over here shows up and after a let down of a fight (c’mon rey, shoot him!) kidnaps his cousin. Gets all creepy and makes teenagers with poor romance comprehension (not their fault, imo) think it’s love and come up with all this bullshit as to why they aren’t cousins. Sigh. But Rey, light of my life, is stronger than this woobie weeb, and she makes him have to run back to the safety of his darth vader body pillow, while she up and obi wans her way out of this bitch. The theme-swapped leto-joker looking vastly subpar offbrand trashcan may have padme’s hair, but rey has her climb up random shit abilities, which go a lot farther honestly. (they both have her hit and miss fashion taste so at least there’s that in common you goddamned r/los that’s all i will give you) Mr. Hotshot takes everyone back to Resistance HQ and conveniently brings the drama too, since he followed teeny!leias footsteps and lead a superweapon to the not-so-secret-anymore base. Everyone scrambles, finn kinda sorta maybe lies through his teeth a little so he can rescue rey, leia guilts han because apparently no (coughdudecough) director can write a conflicted and damaged woman who also happens to be strong without making her completely subsume to whichever half of the dichotomy is needed for the current scene… They go to death star 3 and prepare to fuck shit up. Specifically by doing things that have never been done before with no guarantee they will survive and sassing each other mercilessly. My babies. They find rey off being her badass self, and then right at the point where everything has to go to shit to make the third act interesting, some motherfucking emo up and kills my geriatric fave. Fuck you, marilyn manson. Fuck you. Chewie takes the logical next step and blows his fucking guts out with a laser crossbow bolt, AND blows the fucking guts out of his fanboy cosplay of the death star, because fuck you that’s why. So that’s how the dramatic “ur up past curfew” conversation goes, because I can never have nice things, no the precious goth boy has to live, apparently my needs aren’t important to multi-trillion dollar entertainment corporations, whatever. The absolute wrench fucker chases my beautiful darlings around the currently imploding fucking doom orb of stupid, and they waste his ass with amazing shows of jedi prowess. Finn fights him first and the bastard cheats with his fucking laser butterfly knife like an ass, and precious finn who has never trained a day in his life for this bullshit can only hold on so long before the cheating bastard takes him down. Then rey, pillar of light and all that is good, curbstomps his ass with the prowling predator walk of her father and grandfather before her. Suck it, ron. She’s the chosen one, bitch. Anyways, so I guess the bombs let fly boy (only) get inside and pew pew up the place enough that it rejoined it’s godforsaken stop-building-death-moons-they-don-t-work ancestors. Old ghastly jazzhands on the demon projector asks the weasley kid to go pick up kyle’s raggedy strung out ass, like I fucking care at this point. Everybody goes home (AKA chewie saves all of your asses because even if you ignore him he’s still a cool dude like that) and they totally gloss over the deaths of characters I care about to give us this arbitrary fucking scene of the golden cock block and ir3cutesty5u the soccerball annoying r2, who magically wakes up and magically doesn’t nuke their inferior asses and instead gives them the stupid fucking map, why do you even need a fucking map, all you need is coordinates, jesus christ it’s space, you can just plug the fucking three axis code into the computer and float ur ass over why is there a goddamn treasure map to safeway just use the damn gps good god. It’s space. With infinite wifi. Rey and chewie go to this bird shit covered island and find luke sulking, probably about getting bird shit on his suede jedi boots or losing his best friend and failing his nephew and sister and and the entire galaxy or something like that and then the movie ends