Jogan Fruit

A/N: The first smut piece I ever wrote, heavily revised by yours truly.

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

Warnings: porn with plot, oral (female receiving), somewhat irresponsible drinking, drinking games, inappropriate use of the word "crime syndicate" (not sexual, just stupid), biting, dubious consent (somewhat drunk sex, consented to by both parties)

Description: You live your life by the book. Rules are good. Rules like don't have sex with your Commander. A friend's meddling seeks to change that.

Word Count: 3.5k

“We should play a drinking game,” Corr suggested as you waved down the bartender for another round of jet juice. She did this, without fail, every fucking time you agreed to go drinking with her. It’s no one’s fault but your own, though, for continuously befriending adrenaline junky pilots who are more afraid of boredom than alcohol poisoning or embarrassment.

“What are you, five?” You, personally, are afraid of plenty of things other than boredom. And Corrinth’s god-awful drinking games are pretty high up on that list.

“I’m sorry, since when do five year olds play drinking games?” Corr argued, not even giving you her full attention as she sent a wink in the direction of the server setting down your cocktails.

“I bet they do in Mos Espa,” You mumbled, taking a sip from the sugary blue drink which Corr had ordered for you. Corr always ordered all around the spectrum of the rainbow of alcohol, especially when it contained a tiny paradisiacal umbrella in the sea of artificial sweetener. You certainly couldn’t complain, though, especially when it meant that Corr was paying. Spending credits on your behalf seemed to be the only fail-proof way to get you to go out the night before a big mission, and she knew it. Somehow her judgements about how you worked too hard never seemed to convince you to follow in the footsteps of her spontaneous lifestyle, but you loved to see her wasting money, so here you were. 

“Well that felt targeted with a touch of classism.” You sighed at her antics. Why you would ever choose to befriend the only person from Tattoine who actually likes the planet is beyond you. What kind of a masochist do you have to be to genuinely like Tattoine?

“It’s a crime syndicate.” You defended your honor against her attacks, but you knew that she wouldn’t let the argument go until you decided to play a drinking game, of all things. Like a seventeen year old rich kid in Canto Bight whose parents are on vacation and has the house to themselves for the weekend. And to be clear, you don’t mean that endearingly. You mean it in the sort of way that implies that you definitely don’t want to play a drinking game and hate rich kids and Canto Bight.

“It’s like, not even that much of a crime syndicate,” Corr disputed, plucking the sugary preserved jogan fruit off of her drink and popping it into her mouth. You could practically taste the over-sweet syrup, just by looking at it. 

“That doesn’t even make sense, how can something be ‘not that much of a crime syndicate’? It is or it isn’t!”

“Okay, well how can a whole city be a crime syndicate, that’s not how that works,” Corr complained.

“Oh, fuck me, it’s literally run by a crime syndicate, it might as well be.”

“The Hutts don’t even run it any more sooo… you're wrong, I’m right, let's play a drinking game,” She grabbed her drink and started chugging as if planning to throw back a shot in vindication, but for lack of any near, she settled for the next best thing.

“Kriff!” You snatched the drink out of her hand before she could get herself beyond the point that would ensure that you would have to spend the end of the night holding her hair back for her. “Okay, I’ll play your stupid drinking game.”

“Yes! Truth or extreme truth,” she decided, rather quickly.

“Please, for the love of all things holy, do not make me play that,” you backtracked. Why did you ever agree to play her games again? Stars, caring about people is way overrated.

You know, caring about people. Like how you care about Corrinth, even though she is positively insufferable whenever given the option. Or Commander Poe Dameron, who for some reason is walking to your table with that intoxicating confidence that you wish wasn’t deserved. Commander Poe Dameron who you should not at all care about, or who you should at least care about in a normal, professional manner, if at all. Not that many resistance fighters followed that rule, but you liked rules. Rules such as not caring about your Commander. The kind of rules that protected you, even if they did lead to your flood of anxiety at the mere idea of drinking with the man.

“Play what?” He asked, leaning against the dingy bar table that you were sitting at. You’d seen him coming, but you still nearly jumped out of your skin when he spoke, dulcet tones voiced right into your ear, a symphony accompanied by the silent echo of his warm breath across your skin. He was wearing his off-duty clothes, linen shirt hugging his biceps, and I’m sure you can use your own imagination about the way his slacks hugged his hips. And the crisp scent that must have been pressed to his pulse point only seemed to set you on edge.

“We’re gonna play truth or extreme truth,” Corr excitedly told him, tossing him one of her winning grins. No one could ever kriffing say no to it. Hell, you could never say no to it.

You crashed your head into your arms on the table in an exaggerated display of annoyance.

“Come off it, Corrinth!” You growled, head raising by the neck just to emphasize your irritation; your desperation to not play this game, especially with Poe.

“Wait wait wait wait–” Poe gestured wildly with the bottle of ambrostine he must have picked up at the bar, as if to signal a pause on the conversation. You guessed that his interruption meant that you hadn’t sufficiently convinced either of them to drop the subject. “What is truth or extreme truth?”

Corr smirked, as if she had been waiting for this question since Dameron stepped foot in your vicinity. Or very possibly since she had planned this kriffing “girls night”. Why Corrinth finds it so absolutely necessary to intervene in your love life when she’s got absolutely no need to live vicariously through anyone is beyond you. She’s got a lovely and fulfilling relationship and she’s got plenty of game, but she only ever seems to be interested in getting you to unearth your secret crush.

It didn’t help that Dameron had to create the perfect setup for Corr to open her mouth and reply, “Fuck around and find out.”

This was problematic for a few reasons. 1, Corr had practically issued him a challenge in bright fucking obvious neon lights to choose extreme truth. And 2, While Poe is not the reckless flyboy that many people seem to think he is, the likelihood that he would turn down this challenge was low. Oh, and there is the fact that extreme truth is just an explicitly sexual truth, and the whole game is honestly just a remarkably uncreative spin on truth or dare, so there’s that too. Needless to say, you were not happy.

The grin which Poe returned shot off so many alarm bells in your head that you thought you might explode. Your eyes met over the table as you stared at him, but you quickly turned away, taking a drink of your ‘Jogan Jumper’. 

“Oh, yay!” Corr turned towards you. “You should go first cause you invented it.” Wow. That was definitely a piece of information that your outranking officer and crush did not need to know. You should have just taught her truth or drink. So much for trying to get out of dares.

You rolled your eyes before bringing your gaze up to Corr. “Corrinth,” You gritted out. “Truth or extreme truth.”

“What?” She chided, playing dumb. “Don’t be rude, it’s Commander Dameron’s first time playing!”

Fuming, you turned to Poe, who looked a little confused but good-spirited. “Truth or extreme truth, Dameron?” You asked, voice dripping with a complete lack of enthusiasm.

He smiled, glancing at Corr who gave him the most mischievous look of encouragement that you have ever seen in your life.

“Extreme truth,” He decided. Wow. What a fucking surprise.  While the rules of the game entitled you to cursing any possibility of friendship with your Commander by asking him a question straight from a holovid title, you deigned instead to turn to Corr and glare at her silently, lips pursed.

“Oh, I have a good one!” She chimed in, twirling a strand of bright blue hair around her finger.

“Let’s hear it,” Poe chuckled. Curse him, for being the type of man who didn’t become a modicum less attractive when intoxicated and covered in a light sheen of sweat. It was pure evil, the way his skin glistened, every curve of his beautiful face emphasized in an unfairly beautiful way.

“Out of all of the people in the room,” she smiled at him, “Who would you most like to fuck?”

His eyes flicked to yours momentarily, before fixing on his drink. Looking back up at Corr with a furrowed brow, he asked, “That’s what extreme truth is? It’s just a truth about sex?” He seemed flustered, his tan cheeks covered in a smattering of pink. You were surprised, if anything. He never seemed like the type to get shy about this sort of thing. Embarrassment seemed to be more your cup of tea, but you supposed that even you were wrong every once in a while.

“He doesn’t have to answer it,” You muttered. You nodded your head at his drink. “Just take a swig.”

“Yeah, you could chicken out,” Corr agreed, before turning to you. “He’s probably just scared that we’ll find out he wants to fuck Borsk the fish boy.”

You folded your arms over your chest, giving Corr your best ‘I’m disappointed in you’ look. “Corr, be nice, Borsk isn’t that bad.”

“Uh, yeah, I think that not that bad constitutes not having sex with fish, but whatever gets you going, I mean, I’m not one to judge.”

Before you could argue that that was just a mean-hearted rumor, Poe interjected, “No, yeah, nothing against Borsk, but I’d fuck Black 3.” He said it quickly, rushing through his words as if his mouth was running a marathon. He didn’t stumble over a single syllable, though; it was as if the words lived on his tongue. As if they belonged there. Your eyes widened. The breath caught in your throat. That was you. That was your callsign, there is no one he could possibly be talking about other than you.

At that earthbending revelation, Corr decided it was a good time to pull out her com, screen completely blank. 

“Oh shit, it’s Eida.” It wasn’t even a good lie. You could clearly see the black screen of the communicator. Poking it to mimic answering couldn’t change the fact that it hadn’t beeped and no one had called her. “Hey babe, everything okay? Oh stars, that’s crazy.” You cringed. If Corr was going to be such a compulsive liar, she should probably take an acting class sometime. She took the comm away from her ear and poked it again, as if it had done anything the first time. “Girlfriend’s in trouble. You know how it is.”

Poe actually managed to seem genuinely concerned. It was honestly kind of endearing how he actually believed her obvious lie. “Everything okay?”

“Her comm is off and her girlfriend is in the engineering bay patching droids. Everything’s fine,” you seethed as Corr cheerfully skipped out of the crowded bar. To his credit, Poe did not seem put off by your rude demeanor. Honestly, you didn’t know what it meant for his mental health that he wasn’t.

Still, when Poe looked at you with those warm brown eyes that held so much more than you were ready for, you couldn’t help yourself. In one of the most impulsive moments of your life, you grabbed his wrist, the way you might to save someone from falling off a cliff; Like you were afraid to let go. Your lips met the same way; tongues intertwined, starved for something not quite comprehensible, but now that you’d found it you wouldn’t give it up for the world. Your hands were grabbing at each other both delicately and desperately.

Maybe you were making an awful mistake. Maybe you were about to do something that you would regret tenfold in the morning. But you didn’t care. You couldn’t care, not when his warm hands were on you and you couldn’t even begin to comprehend a world in which this wasn’t a good idea.

When your lips parted (a miserable moment, softened only by the quiet peace of the way your breaths intertwined), Poe grabbed what was left of his liquid courage and gulped it down quickly, as if it was the only thing in the way of him and you. His eyes met yours as he licked the sweet syrup off of his lips and set the glass down with a quiet thunk. There was a certain amount of finality in the noise, like a decision made for the both of you.

He grabbed your wrist in the same desperate way that you had only moments ago. Sweet eagerness and a darker need were palpable in the air as you nearly jogged to keep up with Poe’s quick strides. You didn’t know where you were going, mind fuzzy in a cocktail of excitement and nerves. It finally clicked when Poe pulled out his keycard and fumbled to get the door to his quarters open. 

Your heart skipped a beat; your stomach was butterflies. When he finally jammed the card into its keyhole to a green light and cheery ‘beep’, you wanted so desperately to be able to take in your surroundings. You were expecting janitorial closet, and instead got a peephole into Poe’s own heart. He slept here; this is where he came home to after hard missions, where he hung posters for the shitty bands he listened to. And this is where he decided to take you.

Still, with the warmth of Poe’s body pressed against you, there was nothing you could possibly focus on other than the feeling of his lips on your neck and his hands on your waist.

Your head fell back against the wall as Poe’s soft lips sucked at the junction between your neck and shoulder. There was no restraint, you could practically picture the bruises that would bloom shades of purple in the morning. Somehow the idea didn’t make you even remotely anxious. All you could think about was this man, who found it so easy to let go of safety in the face of his desperation for you.

When a whimper escaped your lips, Poe’s head buried itself into the crook of your neck, the rough fabric of his rec clothing grinding against your hips. You delicately slid your hand between your bodies, pressing against where he needed you most—against what you needed most.

The moan which he rewarded you with was utterly sinful, but it soon warped into a groan of aggravation. “No, wait wait wait.” he seemed almost panicked, but in a relaxed way; as if those two feelings didn’t directly contradict each other. You immediately backed away, confused, your mind doing laps around itself from the aftershocks of anticipation and the current worry of rejection.

Dameron was quick to reassure you, though. Not in words, but in the way his hands grabbed your waist. In the way he guided you to his bed. In the way he gently pushed you back until you were displayed underneath him. His eyes didn’t devour you, but gazed at you like you were a beautiful painting that he wanted to sear into the back of his brain, so that he could see it every time he closed his eyes. It was far too intimate for the one night stand you were well on your way to, but you couldn’t help but crave that sort of affection.

“This okay?” He asked, hands moving to his belt buckle.

“Could be a little faster.” You had meant it as a tease, but it came out breathy and hoarse; a beg for him to give you what he knew you so badly needed.

He smirked down at you and slowed the pace with which his deft hands worked at his belt, teasing you. His goal was quickly forgotten, though, when he heard the whine that had pushed through your lips. It was almost immediate, him kneeling on the bed, just to be closer to you; the way he dragged your trousers over your hips and down your legs as if drinking in every inch of newly exposed skin. 

If you’d been planning on fucking Poe fucking Dameron tonight, you would have worn nicer underwear. Poe didn’t seem to care, though. He licked a stripe over your clothed clit, and your hands flew to his curls. To pull him closer or to push him away, you still hadn’t decided. His beautiful brown eyes looked up at you from between your thighs, dark with lust. Surging up, he attached his lips to yours, warm hands pawing his hands at the hem of your shirt. You melted into him. There is no better way to explain it. Your bodies intertwined, your lips on his, your hands cupping his cheeks. Your bodies only separated momentarily for Poe to drag your shirt above your head before immediately reconnecting. His hands were everywhere, as if he couldn’t possibly get enough. Calloused fingertips touching the soft skin of your breast and providing the delicious scrape of skin to skin that you craved.

It took only moments for you to turn the tables on Poe, using all of your strength against him as you flipped yourself on top, grinding onto his lap. He gasped into your mouth, hands fisting into the crisp white sheets beneath him. Your hips pressed against his, your hands working at his buttons while your lips explored his body. Your hands couldn’t seem to meet the pace of your thoughts, though, and when they couldn’t figure out the closures on his shirt, the only plausible option in your pleasure-drunk head was to tear the shirt at its seams and throw it across the room. 

Poe chuckled at you. “Eager?” It didn’t take more than an extra hard grind of your hips to shut him up, leaving him speechless and gasping for air. He gasped, head rolling back and hitting the wall behind him with a thunk. “You–You gotta stop doing that sweetheart. You’ll make me come before I even take my dick out.”

You slowed the grind of your hips in response, attaching your mouth to one of his nipples in answer. He let you do so for a moment before grabbing your thighs and dragging you down the bed while flipping you under him. You groaned at the loss of control, but your eyes widened with lust as he dragged down your underwear, the last remaining sliver of clothing which had remained on your body.

You propped yourself up on your elbows and watched as he attached his mouth to your clit, big brown eyes staring up at you as he sucked and licked at your core. He probed two thick fingers at your entrance as if testing the waters, and when met with absolutely no resistance, started slowly pumping them in and out of you. 

Poe’s ministrations were persistent, and your moans only seemed to be growing louder. You wondered if his neighbors could hear you, and the thought brought a rush of adrenaline through you.

As you grew closer to your climax, Poe’s name became a chant on your lips, accompanied by the wet sounds of his fingers pumping in and out, in and out. If his neighbors weren’t sure of what the two of you were up to before, they would probably be clued in by this point.

He removed his mouth from your clit, a line of saliva connecting his mouth to your core as he instructed, “I want you to come on my mouth, okay baby?” It was hard to focus on his words when all you could feel was the ache of his fingers inside you and the loss of his mouth on you. It was all you could do to nod in affirmation as you gazed into his eyes.

“Say it,” he prompted, slowing his pumping fingers.

“Yes. Yes Poe, I’ll–Just put your mouth back on me, I’ll come, just–” He cut you off by reattaching his mouth and speeding his teasing fingers. It wasn’t very long after that before your stomach tightened and your pussy began to clench around him, hips grinding onto his face as your orgasm tore through you, eyes rolling back, even as Poe’s tongue persisted. There was a cascade of fireworks clouding your vision as your body spasmed from pleasure.

When you finally relaxed into the mattress and Poe removed himself from your core, it was only mere moments before you felt Poe’s lips on yours, tasting yourself on his tongue, plus the sweet remnants of the Jogan Fruit.

When he removed his lips from yours, you opened your eyes to find him grinning down at you.

“You up for round two?”

tagged by @camelliagwerm <3 tysm harps!! this is probs gonna make me sound like a lunatic tho bc im still in my self-made vampire chronicles prison lmao

tagging whoever is reading this and wants to do it :3

1. the last book I read:

i finished blackwood farm (vampire chronicles #9) like a week ago. idk what to say about this one except that it has the first appearance of the word bisexual which is WILD in a series where at least 90% of the characters are in fact bisexual

2. a book I recommend:

have you heard of our lord and saviour babel by r.f. kuang? now you have. no but seriously it is so fucking good and all the ppl saying it's overrated or gets recommended too often are simply wrong lol

3. a book that I couldn’t put down:

also babel tbh. i vividly remember reading the last 150 pages in one sitting and then looking at my phone for the first time in hours only to find out the queen died in the meantime lmaaooo. 10/10 experience

4. a book that I’ve read twice (or more):

honestly i don't think i have? i went from barely reading at all to wanting to read so many books that i haven't really found the time to re-read anything beyond looking up specific passages. i do wanna re-read babel and iron widow tho

5. a book on my TBR:

way too many 💀 i think once i'm free from my vampire chronicles prison i'll tackle what moves the dead by t. kingfisher next

6. a book I’ve put down:

uhh i think leech by hiron ennes? we read it in the book club and it just didn't really grab my attention long enough but i honestly don't remember if i finished it and forgot or if i never actually finished it. i also have like two books on pause bc i forgot about them but i'll pick them up again at some point i hope lmao

7. a book on my wish list:

the gilda stories by jewelle gomez. among other vampire books bc no offense to miss rice but i need to read some that are not Like That lmao

8. a favourite book from childhood:

i really did not read as much as a kid as i should have tbh. i remember reading a series that my aunt got me called abby lynn by a german author. it was about a girl who got arrested and sent to the penal colony in new south wales in the early 19th century and i remember liking it bc it was a lot darker than i assumed was appropriate for my age lmao. but looking at it with an adult brain the colonialism of it all would probably kill me

9. a book you would give to a friend:

i have actively shoved my copy of babel into multiple ppl's hands already lmao. but i also love recommending this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone

10. a book of poetry or lyrics you own:

oh boy i don't think i do. my copy of edgar allan poe short stories might have some of his poems in it as well? but i'm not sure

11. a nonfiction book you own:

one that i recently enjoyed is otherlands by thomas halliday. i passed most of my biology books on to friends but i still have one on immunology and i have a really cute edition of from so simple a beginning

12. what are you currently reading:

prince lestat (vampire chronicles #10). really sad that this one didn't have a signature lestat cringey my immortal type intro :( the showrunners said s2 is gonna include nods/easter eggs for this book which feels wild given how far ahead it is but i'm really curious to find out!!!

13. what are you planning on reading next:

blood canticle (vampire chronicles #11) 🤡 and only 2 more books after that one and then i'm free (to read other books, not mentally tho)

Tag Game: Star Wars. Thanks for tagging me, @thebisexualmandalorian

ride or die ship (your otp): kalluzeb, my boys.

most annoying ship: anyone/jar jar. im sorry but INSTANTLY annoying

second favourite ship: baze/chirrut

favourite platonic relationship: anakin and r2d2

underrated ship: hevy/hardcase yes im promoting my own rarepair

overrated ship: agreeing with jesse on this one: Luxsoka. Why.

one thing i would change in canon: and somehow, palpatine is back. No wait, adding to this. what they did to poe specifically in the third movie made me so bloody angry. i cant believe they did my boy so fucking dirty

something canon did right: also agreeing with jesse on this one, canon isnt THAT bad guys, there is so much good shit

a thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom: the kixystix nickname/the jessix ship name

a character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing): cassian andor

the character i relate to the most and why: i always related to luke, in that im a weird little blonde gay from bumfuck nowhere, that people love to underestimate

character(s) i hate the most and why: zero, that clone that says “oh my god” really just explains it all. (this is all i could think of off the top of my head, im sure there is someone else, but i honestly cannot think of anything atm)

something i've learned from the fandom: ocs are in fact amazing, and you can do whatever you wish with them, and no one can tell you otherwise kind of the same with bg characters that have very few lines cough hevy cough

three tags i seek out on ao3: ngl i rarely search on ao3, solely reading what friends write/rec, but im the biggest slut for h/c

a song i strongly associate with my otp/ favourite character: okay i know i havent mentioned him yet, but i will always associate jd mcpherson’s a gentle awakening with rex because of the fic i wrote for him to that song, and i just. i love it so much, it matches so well

tagging whoever would like to play! and if you dont think i mean you, i do!

What other fandoms do you follow? I mean in movies, series, book etc etc

Hmm.... Actually I don't follow any fandoms. The debates and discourses are so toxic like you can't believe (*cough HotD *cough*). Honestly the Darkling/Darklina fandom is the only one I'm in (because everyone is amazing and sensible here).

But I can tell you which movies/series/books I like. It's also an opportunity for you guys to get to know me a little since I don't talk about myself and my interests much.😊

Favorite movies:

The Lord of the Rings trilogy (I don't like them. I worship them. I grew up with them and I would die for them)

Pirates of the Caribbean 1, 2, 3 (I don't really like the other two movies. Especially the fifth one)

The Dark Knight (2009). But the other two movies were amazing too.

The Mummy (1999)

Sleepy Hollow (1999)

Crimson Peak (2015)

The Ring (2002)

Scream (1996)

The Woman in Black (2012)

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

Amadeus (1984). I recommend it btw. A wonderful movie with incredible performances that got me into classical music.

Schindler's List (1993)

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966). One of the best movies ever created. Period.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

King Kong (2005)

City Lights (1931)

A Christmas Carol (2009)

The Hangover (2009)

The Hangover: Part II (2011)

Due Date (2010)

Favorite series:

Merlin BBC

Peaky Blinders

The Musketeers (2014)

Cold Case (2003)

Charmed (1998)

Game of Thrones

House of the Dragon

Vikings (2013)

Gran Hotel (2011)

North and South (1985)

I'm currently watching "Hannibal" which I really, really like and enjoy and "Breaking Bad" which I cannot say the same here. It bores me and I find it overrated.

Favorite books:

Grishaverse (minus the duology)

Harry Potter (fuck JKR tho)

The Mortal Instruments

A Song of Ice and Fire (all the books that this world includes anyway)

Iliad and Odyssey by Homer

Any work from Edgar Allan Poe and Oscar Wilde's and Sylvia Plath's poetry

(I would put PJO but I no longer have any respect for them. Fuck it and the author)

You can also see my interests on my main blog. Whatever else I like, I post it there.

Being goth is malefic ruled u either mars goth as in u wear lots of red w succubus energy or ur Saturn goth w the all black and ravens and what not. I’m a mars girlie so I’m bias but they’re such better goths than the saturnians and it’s really no shade bc like I got love 4 them no doubt but Edgar Allen Poe wasn’t shit and overrated!!!and y’all are to blame 4 marilyn Manson. If ur born at night/mars ruled/Aries/Scorpio placements don’t try to fit in w the Saturn goths when I was young dabbling in goth fashion I tried to fit in w the Saturn aesthetic and It almost ruined my life. I became extremely pessimistic and sloth it was sooo bad for my soul

Bsd Underrated Moments

Lucy scenes

Fukumori battle

Bowlcut being isekai'd by Truck-kun

Chuuya saying "Son of a bitch" (Dub)

Kunikida's infamous Wereballs line (Dub)

Kajii Motojiro

Yosano butchering the nail guy

Poe's over attatchment to his love I mean his rival

WAN! that one face only Aku makes (Gin makes it once too)

Bsd Overrated Moments

This bitch

As someone who didn't know FUCK ALL about the kind of game PoE is but now loves the series, heres my tips.

1.) Easiest class to play is Monk. You manage very little skills and stats. This means you can manage your party members better and even if you don't understand their classes you'll kick ass as a monk.

2.) The first game is a Kickstarter game. There's a LOT of NPCs who's souls you can see and read into. There were written by Kickstarter backers. If you wanna read em, cool. But you absolutely don't have to and it won't affect your knowledge of the game world. The same goes for some of the signs and posts in the game.

3.) Resolve is the closest this game has to speech.

4.) As a monk you can really overrely on yourself for dps so have fun with your party comp! Just always have a healer.

5.) Live blog somewhere cuz uhhh I wanna read it.

i may liveblog. i *could* stream it but idk if it looks fun to watch

Gonna start sharing my top 10 entries of each ESC year i've ranked so far whenever i feel like it so here's 2023

10th 🇷🇸 Luke Black - Samo Mi Se Spava: Serbia yet again sending an overrated (affectionate) banger, love the gaybop entries and Serbia's is equal parts cozy and intense, adore the dichotomy.

9th 🇪🇪 Alika - Bridges: Sometimes all a guy needs is a simple ballad, and Estonia serves exactly that, with an amazing build-up that's grown on me since it won Eesti Laul.

8th 🇬🇪 Iru - Echo: I always knew Georgia would land in my top 10 for this year, i love when their entries get unique (Three Minutes from Earth is a banger and yall know i'm right) and the "engrish" is just the cherry on top to prove a song doesn't need deep lyrics to be great.

7th 🇨🇿 Vesna - My Sister's Crown: "Sestro krasyva Oy ty syl'na Khorobra yedyna Korona tvoya" will always be stuck in my head, sisterhood all the way 💅💅💅

6th 🇵🇹 Mimicat - Ai Coração: Somehow the opposite energy of Saudade, Saudade, but just as amazing, i'm just so biased towards portuguese entries due to being lusophone, it's always nice to hear your language internationaly (even if it's the lesser version¯\_(ツ)_/¯).

5th 🇲🇹 The Busker - Dance (Our Own Party): Malta sent a party bop instead of a boring-ass entry???? This song is criminally underrated and i genuinely think it has good chances in the final.

4th 🇦🇹 Teya & Salena - Who The Hell Is Edgar?: poe poe poe poe poe poe poe poe poe poe poe poe poe poe poe edgar allan edgar allan

3th 🇫🇷 La Zarra - Évidemment: That woman and the whole of Joker Out shove in my face how bi i am, and who doesn't love some classic french vibes, yass queen you will sing the great France.

2nd 🇧🇪 Gustaph - Because Of You: Probably my most controversial entry in this top 10, but i don't care, since it won Eurosong i'm enamoured with this song, the chorus is catchy as hell and the verses are so. damn. GROOVY. And those backing singers are giving The Mamas the run for their money. Everything about this entry is great and sometimes i'm conflicted if this is my winner or not but oh well, bias will be bias.

1st 🇸🇮 Joker Out - Carpe Diem: Already showed my love for this entry in my blog so MI BOMO CELO NOČ PLESALI, LJUBILI SE IN SE IGRALI, KOT DA NAS JUTRI VEČ NE BO

160 Collective Drabbles

Okay, so posting all of this stuff that was randomly requested to me years ago has turned out to be a lot of fun. I know I have a lot going on, but heck. I planned out every request I got and I’ve still got space, so I’m going to throw this list up here and maybe I’ll play around with what’s left when I’ve got time.

Here’s the thing: You want to request a character? Go wild. I’m not going to post an exhaustive list of everything I’ve ever seen or read, so feel free to ask me for something you’ve never seen me write for. If I have experience with the topic (and it’s not something the creator has banned fanworks for), I’ll give it a shot...with the usual caveat that I won’t touch real person fic with a ten-foot pen.

But you don’t get to pick anything but the character. Not the prompt. Not the story. Just the character. And yes, some of the earlier prompts don’t have characters assigned for various reasons. You get the first open prompt, and I’m still going to go in order. The ones that are crossed out have already been written, just not posted.

I’m not truly expecting anyone to submit anything for this, but if you want to see more, like, Legolas stuff or Yuki Sohma or whatever but you don’t have any ideas for a story, this could be an easy way for you to get that. As for me, this is just a convenient place for me to put this list so I don’t lose it. Heck, if I do wind up getting this filled ever, then I’ll find another list. I just really like doing this sort of thing. 

160 Collective Drabbles

29. Pyramid [Fran]

59. Seductive [Matt Murdock] 60. Wish [Loki Laufeyson]

61. Entice [Leon Kennedy] 62. Cooties [Young!Thranduil] 63. Flowers [Lance Hunter] 64. Wood [Clark Kent] 65. Own 66. Love 67. Malevolence [Ronan the Accuser] 68. Cliché [Sam Yao] 69. High School Sweethearts [Poe Dameron] 70. Year [Fran]

71. Moment [Tadashi Hamada] 72. Rainbow [Belphegor] 73. Passion [Kyoya Otori] 74. Light  75. Cake [Takashi Morinozuka] 76. Like 77. Imagination [Peter Quill] 78. Eyes  79. Damned [Kylo Ren] 80. Apology [Steve Rogers]

81. Take  82. Dance [Eragon Shadeslayer] 83. Diamond  84. Sugar Rush [Sam Wilson] 85. Repel [Tidus] 86. Scream [Sam Wilson] 87. Chance [James Carstairs] 88. Bottle [Tadashi Hamada] 89. Party [Sheldon Cooper] 90. Clock [Sam Yao]

91. Down  92. Crimson [Aragon] 93. Fatal [Wade Wilson] 94. Doll  [Leo Fitz] 95. Castle [Clint Barton] 96. Sand [Steve Rogers] 97. Porcelain [Rajesh Koothrappali] 98. Poker Face [Matt Murdock] 99. Will [Anakin Skywalker] 100. Run [Phil Coulson]

101. Flat [TYL!Tsuna Sawada] 102. Bones [Phil Coulson] 103. Lovely [Wade Wilson] 104. Costume [Kyoya Otori] 105. Romantic [Steve Rogers] 106. Twilight 107. Hello [Loki Laufeyson] 108. Meteor Shower [Stephen Strange] 109. Vanilla 110. Taste

111. Hotel [Peter Parker] 112. Hate 113. Fire [Riku] 114. Break 115. Pain 116. Burn 117. Over and Over 118. Riot 119. World 120. You

121. Overrated 122. Under 123. Trust 124. Thrive 125. Secret 126. Life 127. Candle 128. Allow 129. Alone 130. Sunset

131. Valentine 132. Animals 133. Cute 134. Cook 135. Candy 136. Fly 137. Wall 138. Catch 139. Balloon 140. Hospital

141. Failure 142. Authentic 143. Cunning 144. Normal 145. Bold 146. Shy 147. Inside 148. Skill 149. Human 150. Joy

151. Birth 152. Morning 153. Bath 154. New 155. I Love You 156. Forever 157. Breathe 158. Peace 159. Movie 160. Midnight

1, 3, 4, 9 for the film asks please!

1.Name a few underrated actors.

Well no. 1 on this list is My Boy Hamish Linklater, obviously. That man is better than 99% of the hollywood faps and none of them could’ve ever played Father Paul with the depth and rawness and nuance that he did and I will love him forever for it and I think he should really start getting more main roles like that actually or I’m gonna go to hollywood and pick off execs one by one personally.

Paul Sun-Hyung Lee is next on my list because I actually NEED him to be in everything now. Kim’s Convenience really is genuinely one of the best and funniest and most heartwarming shows to ever to exist and I’m so happy that Simu Liu has gotten a LOT of jobs as a result- but man I see so many good potential casts for Paul too that I’m gonna go insane beating my head against the wall if they don’t happen. Like it would be a sin not to cast this dude as Uncle Iroh in a live action adaptation of ATLA. He is the best if not the ONLY man for the job and I will die on that hill. He tickles me silly every single time he shows up in The Mandolorian but lets be real: he needs more screen time bc the bit part they have him doing ain’t cutting it. Let him fully replace Cara Dune next season like please I am begging I would like to see more of him in the star wars universe and let him have an actual character to chew on like PLEASE!!!! He’s the fat star wars hero we deserve. Give him all the roles he’s excellent.

For ladies, my choices are these:

First choice for this category for me has gotta be Carla Gugino. I mean especially in the last few years? Her work with Mike Flannagan has been fucking incredible from Hill House to Geralds Game (which I feel like it’s not nearly discussed enough but it should be bc that one still like genuinely haunts me moreso than probably any other Mike Flanagan work or stephen king adaptation) and not to mention she’s a total MILF to boot anyway I just love her and I’m excited to see her and Mike tackle Poe

Stephanie Hsu coming in hot bc I Loved her in Mrs. Maisel and when I figured out she was in Everything Everywhere All At Once too I flipped my shit. She’s perfect in every way and I love her and I am so excited to see where her career takes her bc she’s just got so much and I love her.

And of course Kate Siegel. My girl comes thru for me every single time I see her and never disappoints. Would love to see her branch out from her own damn husband’s projects but honestly even if she doesn’t I don’t think I could complain bc he writes roles for her that are what she deserves. And if that ain’t love idk what is.

3.Most overrated actor(s)?

Just gonna do an mcu lightning round just to get it out of the way (god I am so gonna get fuckin lynched for this): RDJ, Chris Pratt, Sebastian Stan, Benedict Cumberbatch (bonus points for being so annoying that the MCU now inserts him into every movie to try and make me care about him: it’s not working), Evangeline Lily, Paul Rudd, Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner, Elizabeth Olsen, Bradley Cooper(this fucking guy especially I hate how often his films get nominated for oscars he’s not good the best shit he ever did was 1) produce joker and 2) play the douchebag I perceive him to be in Wedding Crashers) Tom Holland, Zendaya.

By vicarious exposure due to his recurrent involvement in projects with Hamish Linklater I must say I don’t think Dan Stevens is that good of an actor either. He can do a lot but I don’t really feel it when he does it… y’know? I just don’t buy.

Also not a big Matt Smith gal. Not really looking forward to see him in the GOT spin off either and frankly if he’s playing Rhaegar that’s an eggregious mis-cast. Like the man has no eyebrows for feck’s sake

As for actresses Jennifer Lawrence hits the top of the list for me (probably just by association with bradley cooper shit) followed closely by Vera Farminga and probably also Nicole Kidman.

4.What’s a movie you watched over and over again as a child that you still love?

God there are so many lmao but one I remember actively seeking out to view is Howl’s Moving Castle. I remember they used to run it on STARZ all the time and I would try to catch it every single time it was on.

9.Name a film you think has some of the best costume and makeup/hair design.

God that’s tough. I mean take about any GDT movie and it ticks all the boxes for me in that category (I mean the fish man suit was about 90% practical. Nobody does that anymore and Doug Jones is a king and a legend for his work as such)… but then also LOTR and The Hobbit really got me good with the visuals also and they also still hold up like insanely well. But also what I re-watched recently is The Fall. And honestly to this day the costume design in that film continues to blow me away… so I guess take all of those for what they’re worth lmao

FILM QUESTIONS

237. Cliché Goth Song

Edgar Allan Poe ain’t got nothing on you,

Because you cry, and you sob, and you drink too much, too –

I want to howl and drink your blood, after midnight,

I want to bury you, and leave you for dead in the moonlight;

I want to do anything in the dark, if it feels right.

Like a ghost ship with a skeleton crew, I want to do everything only if it’s with you,

You’re like an oblong box full of teeth,

Let’s get married and live our lives so happily;

You’re like a mystery that Doyle couldn’t solve, a history of Dupin’s resolve;

You’re like a chess-playing automaton, I’d bet the devil my head that you’re never wrong;

Hop frog

I’d follow you around the world in a balloon, an imp so perverse; but don’t leave me so soon.

In a world where everything feels so untrue,

Fair as a Pharaoh;

You must be a mummy because I want some words with you —

Because Edgar Allan Poe ain’t got nothing on you,

Because you cry, and you sob, and you love too much, too —

I want kill with you,

and be partners in crime;

You’re a nihilist, in a world so sublime;

I want to soak in and absorb your disease,

Slit your hopes, and disembowel your dreams;

I want to do anything that makes me feel free,

When life is just a dull fantasy, of everything we wish it could be —

Like nothing really matters about our lives,

Like Eiros and Charmion,

Living dead in Paradise…

Because Edgar Allan Poe ain’t got nothing on you,

Because you cry, and you sob, and you’d probably cheat on me, too —

Put a hex on you, if a bullet won’t work,

Draw a knife on you, and then go be berserk;

It’s too easy to kill, and so hard to love;

I want to cast a spell, of love potion nine,

Peel you like a orange, throw away the rind;

Love is dangerous, but I ignore the signs…

I’m like a bird on the wing, flying under these raven skies —

Catching up with you because I’m always behind.

Because Edgar Allan Poe ain’t got nothing on you,

Because you cry, and you sob, and I know you’re crazy, too —

Like a cryptogram and a golden scarab,

You talk like an orangutan, but sing a cherub;

You’re so complicated and overrated, I know it makes you happy but don’t ask me;

How ghosts of your past will always haunt you, your friends and enemies will always want you;

I’m game as long as they never catch us, you’re strange in so many ways but you’re the one I trust.

A portrait hanging above your bed, like waking life hanging by a thin scarlet thread…

Because Edgar Allan Poe ain’t got nothing on you,

Because you cry, and you sob, and I know you’re insane for me, too —

A Mason with the jingling bells, a spade and a black cat hiding behind the walls,

Of your heart, beating beneath the floor;

Don’t let me go, because you know that no matter what I’ll always want more —

Like a cathedral in the forest,

They can hide, but they can’t ignore us;

Run if you can, but adore us —

Because Edgar Allan Poe ain’t got nothing on you,

Because you cry, and you sob, and you’d probably kill me, too —

I never know what you’re gonna do,

It thrills me, and chills me… I know it’s bad for me, too.

Edgar Allan Poe ain’t got nothing on you,

But I have to admit, the way it is, baby –

I’m scared of you.

— A.M. McGee

[Notes & thoughts: I tried to fit as many Edgar Allan Poe references as I could in this cliché goth song. The models I was trying to beat were the Wednesday Addams series, and pretty much anything with Vincent Price in it. All goth songs seem to reference Poe in theme or imagery, but sometimes lack the religious, spiritual, and metaphysical depth that his poems and stories had. This song was also inspired by the Goth versus Emo South Park episode, lol.]

Hmmm idk if you're still on the train but! Any reccomendations or suggestions for books, tv shows, etc?

I'm not anymore but I'm always open to questions! (To anyone reading this please do pop by my inbox)

I do have recs! ...I'm not so sure what you may or may not like, but here are some general recs:

Books:

- Babel by R.F. Kuang - a love letter to languages and a really interesting exploration within them, set in a low AU! (This is my most borrowed book. As soon as I bought it I had 5 people on the waiting list to read it! I think it may be slightly overrated but I found it a useful read and I thought it was interesting and thought-provoking)

- The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams - another one that revolves around language, a fictionalised account around (word choice intentional, it's not *about* but it's definitely a formative element) the creation of the Oxford English Dictionary, and the struggles of cataloguing languages, but mostly an examination of what it meant to be a woman in 1900s-1920s England.

- The Count of Monte-Cristo by Alexandre Dumas - MY FAVOURITE BOOK OF ALL TIME I LOVE IT IT'S SO GREAT I CAN AND WILL TALK ABOUT IT FOR AGES (I read it in French, unfortunately can't guarantee the worth of the translations)

TV shows:

- I WAS going to recommend Doctor Who but that's quite a committment. (Commitment? Committment?). If you are interested but not wanting to see the whole thing I have a list of modern Doctor Who episodes that imo capture the best moments of the show!

- Good Omens - because of course. It's the only fandom I still regularly read fic for (and the only one in which I did fic recs) which means a lot. I prefer season 1 to season 2.

- Also Takin' Over the Asylum because it's genuinely a great series about mental illness (it starts off not that good but it's really great. Also it's free on YouTube)

- Not a TV show but a YouTube channel with fun little projects and AMAZING WEBSERIES: Shipwrecked Comedy! I love them so much especially their literary stuff: Edgar Allan Poe's Murder Mystery Dinner Party which is one of my favourite series and just 2 hours long, and Headless: A Sleepy Hollow Story, an adaptation of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. They've also done some comedy film noirs (well one short and one audio series)

I love all of these so much!! Please do recommend anything YOU liked and enjoyed :D

People still seem to think that TFA - and, gods help me, TROS - are actually better than TLJ.

Okay, we all have different tastes...but TLJ stood out for me because RJ at least tried something different.

TFA was fun, but it was also a rip off of ANH, complete with masked villain, message in droid, hero raised on desert world and planet killing superweapon. TROS was a fanfiction by its overrated writer.

TLJ was a breath of fresh air.

It boasted some of the finest performances I’ve seen in a SW film. The visuals were spectacular. The story had plenty of twists and turns. Most of all, RJ took all of the new characters and developed them beautifully. If he had directed TROS I’m pretty sure that we would have got a battle between two shades of grey military groups...Kylo perhaps trying to do some ‘good’, Poe being willing to get his hands dirty taking him down, Rey and Finn caught in the middle. And just maybe...an ending where the way forward was a ‘grey Jedi’ order and a  new era for SW.

It still saddens me thinking of what might have been....

The Sequel Trilogy Rewatch

I watched all the movies again recently, and here are my insights after getting to experience the trilogy as a whole unit together, separated from the context of the previous two trilogies.

The Force Awakens - As I’ve said recently, it’s overrated and suffers the most from being derivative. Every rehashing of A New Hope is eye-roll inducing and threatens to take me out of the movie; by the time Starkiller Base enters the picture (”It’s another Death Star!”) it’s really grinding my gears. I understand completely why it was done, but with the thrill of the initial theatrical release gone, the movie suffers for it more and more. The Phantom Menace is a worse film by far, but at least Lucas’ stance of “it’s poetry, it rhymes” wasn’t taken to such a literal extreme there as it is here, making it feel like a more unique, if bad, trilogy opener.

But with that said, let’s give this movie the credit it’s due: everything about the new characters and elements and how they interact with the updated old characters and elements is done legitimately brilliantly. Rey, Finn, Poe, BB-8, Kylo Ren, General Hux and Maz Kanata are all just so captivating and interesting and enjoyable to watch on screen, as are the aged Han, Chewie, Leia, C-3PO, R2-D2 and - at the very end - Luke. The actors are giving it their all and the characters come alive as a result; you connect with them and want to follow them. And even though we all know they were made as Mystery Boxes, J.J Abrams truly is a master at making you want to know what’s in those boxes all the same. Who are Rey’s parents and why did they leave her on Jakkuu? Why is Rey so proficient in the Force right away? Is Finn Force-sensitive? Who is Snoke, how did he turn Ben Solo to the Dark Side and what’s his beef with Luke, the Jedi and the Light Side in general? What exactly are the Knights of Ren? Is there some kind of deeper connection between Kylo Ren and Rey? Why did Luke go to Ach-To and split the map that leads there? What’s the deal with Maz? How did she recover Luke’s old lightsaber? What in the fuck was that Force vision Rey experienced when she touched said lightsaber? And just why did C-3PO get a red arm grafted onto him? OK, that last one’s a joke, but you get my point. Questions are raised, and you want to see them answered even if Abrams himself isn’t completely firm on what those answers even are.

Also, this movie has the best pacing in the trilogy. It opens where it needs to, progresses in a natural flow, and ends at exactly the right point it should. Hats off to the editors on this one, and to Lawrence Kasdan, whose experience with writing Star Wars movies helped greatly.

The Last Jedi - I guess this movie is destined to always confound me. Throughout it, I just keep asking “Why?” Why did Rian Johnson do so exceptionally well with the storyline surrounding Luke, Rey, Kylo Ren, the Force, the Jedi, Ach-To and Snoke, only to then do...whatever the Hell he did with everything else in the movie? I love returning characters like Finn, Poe, Maz and Leia, and I love new characters like Paige, Rose, Holdo and DJ. but the story they are a part of and the things they are used to make happen is so dumb. And to quote Rian Johnson’s later (and stronger) work, it’s not “so dumb, it’s brilliant” - it’s just dumb! Seriously, I cannot believe Kathleen Kennedy signed onto what he did with Leia in this movie. If the reasoning was it would be made up for with her in the following film, then...um, whoops. This also creates a huge pacing problem, dragging the movie out longer than usual for Star Wars and having two climaxes. Cutting down on the dumbness would have done wonders.

That’s not to say everything in the better half is perfect, mind you - Luke is way too unlikable before he agrees to teach Rey and I totally agree with Mark Hamill’s concerns about this, some good decisions are marred by bad ones (ex: killing off Snoke so that Kylo Ren can ascend, which is good, without offering the remotest hint as to what his deal even was, which is bad), and God bless Daisy Ridley for keeping Rey an engaging heroine you follow and root for since her writing is a lopsided mess: she fucks up and fails miserably yet is also just perfect as is and needs no real training, she is drawn toward the Dark Side and a big deal is made over it only for her to have zero actual temptation to join Kylo Ren when he offers it, and the revelation of her parents being nobodies who abandoned her for no good reason is meant to be the most devastating thing she can hear yet then her next scene has her happily manning the Falcon’s guns cheering “Woo! I like this!”, and the parents are never brought up again and Rey simply partakes in a happy ending that just feels phony all things considered.

And yeah, doing either nothing with those Mystery Boxes from The Force Awakens or giving them the most purposefully anti-climactic answers possible was...a choice. I can’t entirely blame Johnson, since Lucasfilm didn’t have a firm plan in place and he wasn’t under any obligation to answer anything in any specific way, but it’s still odd that he goes this far in subverting expectations, to the point where it actually shuts off avenues for the subsequent film to explore. He’s treating the middle chapter of a trilogy like a standalone; it’s so bizarre. 

But hey, what’s done right is done so very right. The cinematography is the most gorgeous to ever be in a Star Wars movie, the atmosphere in every scene (particularly the good scenes) is on point, the action in the film’s last hour is amazing, and as I said before the writing for the film’s core narrative is strong. I especially adore Luke’s character arc once it really gets going; him feeling like a failure because he didn’t live up to “the legend” built around him is the kind of development that makes perfect sense both in-universe and out-of-universe, and seeing him finally learn to embrace himself as the failure of a person he is and as the legend he is regarded as because he recognizes that both are valuable to saving the galaxy...it’s perfect.

The Rise of Skywalker - So, watching it again, did I finally see how bad this movie truly is? Am I ready to eat all my words about enjoying it and defending it? Am I ready to accept that the critics and fandom are right in it not sticking the landing and being a bad conclusion?

Seriously; the editing (especially in the first third) is wonky just to fill a mandatory runtime despite the previous film running overlong, the exposition is often laborious and cringy (“Somehow Palpatine returned.”), and what it all amounts to is just so over-the-top stupid and crazy it’s almost hard to believe. It’s a big, bloated, popcorn movie shlockfest and I love it!

There are three huge things to consider with this movie. One: it had the rawest deal of the trilogy production-wise for multiple reasons and you need to take that into account when considering any choppiness; honestly with the situation J.J Abrams and co. were in, it’s amazing the film came out as coherently as it did! Two: is any disappointment you feel really this film’s doing, or is it the whole trilogy’s and Lucasfilm’s lack of an overarching creative vision for it? Because it feels like most detractors are actually experiencing the latter kind of disappointment and then pinning the blame on this movie for making them realize it. When applying logic, The Force Awakens which started the trilogy with a lack of a firm plan in mind and The Last Jedi which tossed aside all set-up and veered off into a wildly different direction that left the following film facing something of a dead-end have more share of the blame.

And three: this movie actually IS “so dumb, it’s brilliant”. If you read any interview with J.J Abrams and/or Chris Terrio, you’ll see they did their homework. They weren’t interested in trying to conform to an endlessly unpleasable fandom’s serious business vision of what Star Wars is / should be, they were just going to work with what Star Wars actually was when conceived: a goofy hodge-podge of film serials, B movies, comic books, fairy tales and ancient myths, given the most basic of spiritual undertones, and packaged as a feel-good entertaining thrill-ride for all audiences, particularly the young and the young-at-heart. Only as this was the conclusion of a nine-film saga, they took it a step further and made it primarily a goofy hodge-podge of previous Star Wars movies and even some other Star Wars projects like TV shows and comics. They deliberately brought Star Wars full circle, because they knew and loved Star Wars as it truly exists, not as the sacred thing so many fans build it up as. George Lucas himself said it: they’re just movies, you’re just meant to have a good time with them and not think too deeply about it, even if the movies do offer you things to think about (which is how/why expanded universe projects are made). You’re just meant to have fun.

That’s why this movie will always by my favorite one in the trilogy, warts and all. It’s so fun.

But on that note, yeah, the Sequel Trilogy is fun. It’s flawed and uneven, but so are the other trilogies, which also received histrionic flak in their days. I find it morbidly laughable that people, whether they be Star Wars fans or professional film critics, have learned nothing after all this time. Those who don’t learn from history truly are doomed to repeat it, I suppose.

SIDE NOTE: There is one consistency in the Sequel Trilogy that I really feel deserves more appreciation, and that’s Kylo Ren. He gets criticized for us not getting to see his backstory compared to Anakin’s three movies and a TV show showing how he became Darth Vader, and for making some wild swings in terms of actions and plot usage depending on the movie, but I believe that Adam Driver’s performance combined with him being one of the few things in the new trilogy that did have something of a road map attached to him from the beginning counteracts that. He truly is Darth Vader in reverse, and that creates an entirely different sort of antagonist: not a cold, machine-like being that used to be human and became this way as a psychological response to his feelings causing him great trauma and tragedy, but a human who desperately wants and is actively trying to be a cold, machine-like being to escape all the pain that his feelings cause him. And as close as he gets to successfully crossing that line, he never fully does. In the end, he not only surpasses Vader by betraying his master and ruling his empire, but he also surpasses Anakin: rather than his mother’s death leading him down a path that ends in a fiery damnation, his mother’s death directly leads to a watery cleansing and salvation, which culminates in him actually saving the woman he loves from dying rather than trying to do so only to end up killing her. He’s a wonderful character and I adore him.

(Also: these skits. How can you not love the guy for these?)

i would love to see a slightly ooc spencer reid fic where they just /really/ lean into the chaotic academia aesthetic for him

30 years since the last critically acclaimed movie, but only like, 50 or 10 since the last one, depending on how time works, skywalkers are fucking shit up in the galaxy once more...

Luke’s gone, Leia’s still a badass, the heavy metal empire has been replaced with the emo-lite first order, just as much nazi garbage and none of the impressive capes. Instead they have a giant toddler who stomps around and eats shit on a regular basis and jerks off to his grandpa’s dead face, probably. Fucking weeb. This pilot, Poe, who I honestly don’t feel much of a connection to, sorry, is trying to get this old man to give him a map to Luke so he can come kick ass. But the douchelord Kellog’s Frosted Fuckup shows up and shoots everyone, bc uncle issues or something. poe gets captured, but shoves the map into his magic 8 ball, which escapes and finds a random superhuman jedi lady of amazingly ironic ancestry in the middle of, you guessed it, a desert. She’s Rey, and to quote some ghost guy who once got gutted inside a palace’s weird power dungeon murder hole, she’s probably maybe might be the chosen one for real this time, I swear to the force it’s for real this time yoda. Then, this amazeballs stormtrooper, Finn, has morals and courage and heart and all the things they wanted in wizard of oz, and is like, fuck this nazi shit, I’m out, and helps poe escape. Sadly, they crash, and poe apparently dies but really leaves finn to die in a plothole of a scene that someone in the writers room should be really embarassed over. Finn meets rey, and it’s love at first “oh shit”. It’s all meet cute/meet thief for a second, and then shit starts blowing up sideways, there was hand holding and running and “follow me”s and then the girl in white and the guy with the leather jacket get on the falcon and leave the desert planet. Classic. Speaking of classic, being the collector’s machinery that she is, the falcon breaks down and they get caught in a tractor beam of a larger ship, which conveniently Han and Chewie are on. Two gangs show up, the giant squid-tribbles escape, scooby doo mayhem ensues. They get away in the falcon and nope the fuck out. Spooky the gollum wannabe teases Kyle about Han and he acts like a pissbaby, says it’s nothing. Oh, and I guess he surprises everyone because somehow this giant moronic imbecile incompetent failure came from the pure glorious happy love of han and leia. Fuck you jar jar abrams. Fuck you in the eye. With a lensflare. This bullshit. The gang checks the map and realize it’s borked, Han gives the lowdown on “it’s real” and also that some sick asswipe death-murdered the jedi like some moron trilby with anger management issues because his mom cancelled his xbox live account because he wasn’t getting good enough grades at jedi academy due to playing the sith campaign of some shitty remade SW game with a pretty decent plot that every teen boy over analyzes and gets the wrong take away from. Anyways, they go to Takodana and Maz’s epic castle that was never fully explained. For some reason they need her to find the resistance for them, which I’m like, just have Han wave at a holocam for like, 2 seconds and you will find literally almost everyone except luke because he’s pouting over history repeating itself. So naturally while they are all chilling at the castle, the party splits bc Finn is scared and Rey is gonna go home and Han is just like, eyes roll emoji. Who knows where chewie went, they act like he isn’t a character or something. But twist, the big ol space nazis find them. Rey finds a lightsaber (prolly just a family heirloom or smth, nbd) and bolts after having visions of all these epics ass movies and shit. My beloved young padawan super duper force sensitive jedi in training Finn is given the lightsaber, bc even Maz can tell that those two are always gonna watch out for each other and are obvs soulmates and he’s the best bet to get it to Rey, the inheriting granddaughter. (also, didn’t a bunch of little kids get murdered with that at least once, possibly twice???) As they leave, death star 3 and with a much lamer name but really cool lore blows the everloving shit out of coruscant 2.0, killing a few more characters that I was probably more interested in than Kyle’s boring weepy “my parents dont’ accept me for being an edgelord” lame ass backstory. Then the TIE fighters try to wreck my fave dudes with some weak sauce army, but then that same ace pilot who apparently left finn to fucking die, nbd, true love amirite? brings the party to them in an epic callback with improved graphics. Meanwhile, that boring infant Ronald mcdumbass over here shows up and after a let down of a fight (c’mon rey, shoot him!) kidnaps his cousin. Gets all creepy and makes teenagers with poor romance comprehension (not their fault, imo) think it’s love and come up with all this bullshit as to why they aren’t cousins. Sigh. But Rey, light of my life, is stronger than this woobie weeb, and she makes him have to run back to the safety of his darth vader body pillow, while she up and obi wans her way out of this bitch. The theme-swapped leto-joker looking vastly subpar offbrand trashcan may have padme’s hair, but rey has her climb up random shit abilities, which go a lot farther honestly. (they both have her hit and miss fashion taste so at least there’s that in common you goddamned r/los that’s all i will give you) Mr. Hotshot takes everyone back to Resistance HQ and conveniently brings the drama too, since he followed teeny!leias footsteps and lead a superweapon to the not-so-secret-anymore base. Everyone scrambles, finn kinda sorta maybe lies through his teeth a little so he can rescue rey, leia guilts han because apparently no (coughdudecough) director can write a conflicted and damaged woman who also happens to be strong without making her completely subsume to whichever half of the dichotomy is needed for the current scene… They go to death star 3 and prepare to fuck shit up. Specifically by doing things that have never been done before with no guarantee they will survive and sassing each other mercilessly. My babies. They find rey off being her badass self, and then right at the point where everything has to go to shit to make the third act interesting, some motherfucking emo up and kills my geriatric fave. Fuck you, marilyn manson. Fuck you. Chewie takes the logical next step and blows his fucking guts out with a laser crossbow bolt, AND blows the fucking guts out of his fanboy cosplay of the death star, because fuck you that’s why. So that’s how the dramatic “ur up past curfew” conversation goes, because I can never have nice things, no the precious goth boy has to live, apparently my needs aren’t important to multi-trillion dollar entertainment corporations, whatever. The absolute wrench fucker chases my beautiful darlings around the currently imploding fucking doom orb of stupid, and they waste his ass with amazing shows of jedi prowess. Finn fights him first and the bastard cheats with his fucking laser butterfly knife like an ass, and precious finn who has never trained a day in his life for this bullshit can only hold on so long before the cheating bastard takes him down. Then rey, pillar of light and all that is good, curbstomps his ass with the prowling predator walk of her father and grandfather before her. Suck it, ron. She’s the chosen one, bitch. Anyways, so I guess the bombs let fly boy (only) get inside and pew pew up the place enough that it rejoined it’s godforsaken stop-building-death-moons-they-don-t-work ancestors. Old ghastly jazzhands on the demon projector asks the weasley kid to go pick up kyle’s raggedy strung out ass, like I fucking care at this point. Everybody goes home (AKA chewie saves all of your asses because even if you ignore him he’s still a cool dude like that) and they totally gloss over the deaths of characters I care about to give us this arbitrary fucking scene of the golden cock block and ir3cutesty5u the soccerball annoying r2, who magically wakes up and magically doesn’t nuke their inferior asses and instead gives them the stupid fucking map, why do you even need a fucking map, all you need is coordinates, jesus christ it’s space, you can just plug the fucking three axis code into the computer and float ur ass over why is there a goddamn treasure map to safeway just use the damn gps good god. It’s space. With infinite wifi. Rey and chewie go to this bird shit covered island and find luke sulking, probably about getting bird shit on his suede jedi boots or losing his best friend and failing his nephew and sister and and the entire galaxy or something like that and then the movie ends