BPD parts are a thing?

Long wordy explanation under the cut, but TL;DR:

Yes, but they arent the same as alters. DID & OSDD-1 are the only disorders that include parts that are separate enough to be autonomous. The activation of different parts is what causes splitting (in a BPD sense).

The theory of structural dissociation (from The Haunted Self by Otto van der Hart, Ellert Nijenhuis & Kathy Steele) says that BPD & DID are on a spectrum, from PTSD → CPTSD → BPD → OSDD-1 → DID. These are all trauma disorders, and all involve dissociation to some degree. The TOSD is an explanation of identity fragmentation (parts) in these disorders.

PTSD has primary structural dissociation, CPTSD, BPD & OSDD-1 have secondary SD, and DID (and sometimes OSDD-1) has tertiary SD. Each disorder on the spectrum has what The Haunted Self calls Apparently Normal Parts (ANP) and Emotional Parts (EP). The ANP is numb, dissociated, avoidant of trauma and often can’t remember trauma very well (if at all). The EP is often stuck in the trauma memory, and becomes activated when the person is triggered.

In PTSD (primary SD), there is one ANP and one EP. The EP is the part that is active when someone is having a flashback, trauma nightmare, hypervigilance, or a fight or flight (or freeze, fawn, etc) response, etc.

In CPTSD, OSDD-1 & BPD, (secondary SD), there is one ANP and several EP. The EP hold different aspects of the trauma, and different trauma responses. There may be one EP for a freeze response, one for hypervigilance, one for flashbacks, and so on. In CPTSD, the EP are the same as in PTSD, plus ones that hold CPTSD symptoms like anger, negative self-image, etc. In OSDD-1, there will be EP who are the same as the ones found in PTSD & CPTSD, but there will also be EP who have their own separate sense of self and autonomy (which are alters). If there’s amnesia between the parts, it’s OSDD-1a.

Specific to BPD, EP will hold different attachment disruptions. One will hold idealisation and another devaluation, and conflict between them is what causes [BPD] splitting. There will be other EP that hold other things, like trauma responses, paranoia, and strong emotions, and so on. Conflict between EP is what causes unstable identity.

In DID (tertiary SD) there are more than one ANP and several EP. OSDD-1 would fall into tertiary SD if there is more than one ANP (which is usually the case with OSDD-1b). The EP in DID are the same as in OSDD-1 (mix of secondary SD type EP & alters).

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Some further reading on TOSD & BPD parts if you’re interested:

Mosquera et al., 'Early experience, structural dissociation, and emotional dysregulation in borderline personality disorder: the role of insecure and disorganized attachment', Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation (2014)

Marylène Cloitre, Donn W. Garvert, Brandon Weiss, Eve B. Carlson & Richard A. Bryant, 'Distinguishing PTSD, Complex PTSD, and Borderline Personality Disorder: A latent class analysis', European Journal of Psychotraumatology (2014)

Trauma and Dissociation website

DID Research website on TOSD

A couple of posts by this-is-not-dissociative: one, two, three

Nijenhuis, Steele, van der Hart, 'Trauma-Related Structural Dissociation of the Personality', Activitas Nervosa Superior (2010)

If you can get your hands on The Haunted Self it explains the TOSD (if you're not opposed to piracy, I recommend this site) - here's a pdf & here's an epub)

(sorry if this was way longer and in depth than you were asking... special interest went off!)

if it’s ok to ask a follow up question.. how can u differentiate between anp or ep or a mix of both and can a host be an ep?

Here's what Nijenhuis says from The Trinity of Trauma Volume III (p.17):

"‘Apparently normal parts’ (ANPs) primarily aim to achieve the goals of common life. ‘Fragile emotional parts’ (fragile EPs) primarily defend the basic integrity of life amid a devastating umwelt. ‘Controlling emotional parts’ (controlling EPs) primarily strive to generate and maintain a sense of personal power, of shining autonomy. To achieve their aims ANPs strive to ignore the phenomenal selves and worlds of the EPs. They strive to feel, know, and/or realize it as little as possible. In the attempt to delimit their fragility, ignoring (e.g., mentally avoiding) EPs is a form of control. Although fragile EPs feel and know themselves to be fragile, they long and strive to defend their very existence. Their defensive actions or passions involve a form of control. Stuck in the dreadful past, however, they remain more or less ignorant of the actual present in terms of the third-person’s conception of chronological time, place, and the unity the fragile EPs are a part of. Controlling EPs share this ignorance and try to ignore their fragility. They strive to control their life and their umwelt. Being prototypes, traumatized individuals can encompass both mixtures and variations of these three prototype."

To put this more simply, there can be any variation or mixture of the following:

ANP = Parts that aim to achieve the goals of daily life. They are usually avoidant or ignorant of the trauma and EP.

Fragile EP = Parts that are stuck in trauma-time. The past trauma still feels like the present for them, and they defend this perception and existence. The online community often calls them "trauma-holders."

Controlling EP = Parts that aim to aim to maintain their autonomy and power. They sometimes turn against other parts, or even people outside of the system. The online community often calls them "protectors" or "persecutors."

To help you tell the difference, ANP tend to have more higher processing while EP usually have more lower processing (see chart below):

Also, yes an EP can be a host.

I have been doing some reading lately, and wanted to clarify some common questions and misconceptions people seem to have regarding the TOSD.

I'm also more than willing to answer additional questions or asks people have based off my understanding of the theory. I'm also open to being corrected on anything I got wrong.

My system doesn't have any ANPs, we all remember the trauma?

"ANP" (or "Apparently Normal Part") seems to have gotten its definition mixed up in syscourse somewhere along the way. An ANP is not always a part who does not remember the trauma, though they often are - ANPs are parts focused on daily life, vs. EPs who are focused on defense. ANPs can be hosts, caregivers, parts who manage work or socializing, or parts who do chores such as cleaning or cooking.

Instead of complete amnesia for the trauma, it is common for ANPs to instead feel seperated or distanced from the trauma or to not realize the full extent of it or how it affected them.

There is also such a thing as "Mixed parts" which a lot of people don't seem to know about - These are especially common in systems whose trauma blurred the line between "daily life" and trauma, or those whose "daily life" functions became tangled up in trauma (Such as child sexual abuse victims, whose sexuality functions were stimulated by abuse, turning a function regularly associated with normal daily life into one that is attached to trauma and survival functions).

The TOSD lists OSDD as secondary structural dissociation, but my system has multiple ANPs and EPs?

This is actually accounted for within the TOSD. The authors say that the diagnoses attached to each structural dissociation level are generalized examples and not set in stone, these categories are flexible. They also say that elaboration (The distinctiveness and complexity of each part from each other, including different memories, skills, senses of self, names, appearances, opinions, etc) and emancipation (The seperateness of each part from each other, including autonomy, barriers, amnesia, not seeing each other as sharing the same body, etc) can have a wide range of variation within levels. The levels refer to how seperated each function for navigating life (Such as caretaking, sexuality, eating, socialness, defense, and so on) are, and while this is associated with higher levels of both elaboration and emancipation at each increased level, this is not always the case. The authors describe cases of PTSD where only one ANP and one EP exist, but each have their own distinct identities, for example, as well as cases of DID with only two ANPs and two EPs.

Different functions being seperated from each other can take the form of caregivers, protectors, persecutors, hosts, and any number of different roles.

What about endogenic and non-disordered systems?

The theory is not about endogenic or non-disordered systems. It is about levels of trauma-based dissociation - If you don't experience trauma-based dissociation, it is outside the scope of the TOSD to describe your experiences. It is a theory about trauma-based dissociation, not about the origin of all systems and how they work. DID is only a part of the theory - The theory also covers PTSD, CPTSD, BPD, and other trauma-based stressor and dissociative disorders.

If an OSDD system with secondary structural dissociation developed a tulpa, would they suddenly be a DID system with tertiary structural dissociation?

I would argue this misunderstands the TOSD on several levels, and seeing the diagnosis examples attached to TOSD as much more rigid than they are. If you do not meet the diagnostic criteria for DID, then why would the diagnosis change?

I'd argue that the TOSD is not meant to cover endogenic headmates, at all, and bringing them up in a theory about trauma-based dissociation is not really all that helpful to understanding trauma or dissociation.

It is also very important to note that each level of structural dissociation is not rigid - You can change levels over time. The goal of treatment for disordered systems, even, is decreasing dissociation and increasing the ability to integrate new information and share memories and skills between each other more flexibly. If a system chooses to fuse members, some may even lose their "multiple ANPs, multiple EPs" status. ANPs and EPs under the TOSD are functions for navigating life that have become seperated, and increasing communication and cooperation between these parts is considered a goal of treatment for dissociative patients.

Our system doesn't have anyone who just exists to eat or use the bathroom, how can the TOSD still apply to us?

It's actually fairly common to have many generalized roles instead of several extremely specific ones. It depends on to what degree each function of living is seperated to. Some parts may have generalized roles, like everything to do with socializing and eating and work, while others may have very narrow and specific tasks, such as washing the dishes. How many generalized and narrow roles exist in a system will vary a lot, and the elaboration and emancipation (Described above) of each part will also vary heavily between systems and levels.

can I ramble about a system experience I’m having? idk if I’m exactly asking a specific question im not sure how someone could answer this question on what to do abt the situation. idk what any of this means? I guess that’s my questions. can u relate?

there’s these two alters (rutabaga and John for anonymous sake) but sometimes I’m heavily confused on if I’m rutabaga or if I’m John and I don’t even know who “me” is most of the time. I love both names but at different times but sometimes I’m fine with either or don’t know which I rather. don’t know which name is me. I associate certain identity traits with John that I say rutabaga doesn’t have. like let’s say John is more serious, nonfeeling?, and angry while rutabaga is silly. I also attributed John looking a certain way (let’s say emo idk) and being very into that whole Thing while rutabaga is into being a cutesy catboy and also feels like he already is dead. I connect the feeling of dead creature to numbness but at the same time rutabaga comes off as playful and not numb? when I feel numb or chill or just going through my daily life I don’t know who to call myself and idk if I’m attributing their traits to the right alter. like am I John rn just bc I feel kinda bad and not being silly? but it maybe doesn’t feel right to call myself John?? like what if they have more in common than I thought or what if rutabaga is emo and John is cutsey? what if they’re the same alter?? I feel like maybe rutabaga could be an ep and John an anp but then I feel confused and wondering if they’re both mixed parts or somethjng. idk who fronts the most and who is who at this point. what if I’m actually rutabaga yet introduce myself as John? or the other way around even. are there alters that are variations of John and rutabaga I don’t know about? are there other alters in mistaking for them? 🥲

Yeah this is my normal every day experience. I wish I had something more interesting to say but that's it LMFAOFDSKAFNJ

I've been terribly sick with the flu. I'm feeling a bit better today at least but still not great.

I hate being sick, honestly who doesn't? Illness is a trigger for some of my alters though so on top of having to deal with the flu I also have had to deal with sensitive, emotional, child parts. Add a bit of flashbacks in the mix and you get the shitshow I've had to put up with this past week.

The good news is that I've noticed our communication has gotten a lot better and a lot easier to achieve. I'm learning how to take care of and reparent my EPs and the other ANPs are teaching me along with my therapists guidance. It's not been an easy feat that's for sure but while taking care of those child parts during all this, I felt more connected to them than I ever have before. So even though I'm miserable and it's been a terrible week, there's at least a silver lining.

I understand if you are done with the discourse over this topic, feel free to not answer. I am just a bit confused by your stance on OSDD-1A is unable to be teritary dissociation.

OSDD-1A and OSDD-1B are community terms to describe which part of the OSDD-1 diagnostic criteria the person falls into. Either a lack of amnesia or less distinct parts. But parts being less distinct does not mean that they are incapable of being ANPs.

I am just rather confused where the conclusion that OSDD-1A = only one ANP came from. It seems like you kind of have the definition that OSDD-1A cannot have multiple ANPs, and if it does it is actually OSDD-1B. Which does not make much sense to me, as the terms refer to which part of the diagnostic criteria lead to the diagnosis.

I just don't really understand why you define OSDD-1B as more complex than OSDD-1A when those terms do not mean that. It just means what part of the diagnostic criteria they fall under.

I mean, I kind of understand? The idea seems to be based in parts being more distinct = disorder is more complex, but that is not what the terms ANP and EP refer to. Also, does amnesia not indicate that parts are more dissociated from each other more-so than just being more distinct?

Apologies if this does not make sense, and really big apologies if I am missing something. But as far as I can tell, OSDD-1A and OSDD-1B do not appear in medical literature, they community based terms. And the terms refer to what part of the OSDD-1 diagnostic criteria they fall into, not whether or not it is teritary or secondary.

Mod Robo here. I'll let the other mods answer what they meant about OSDD & tertiary dissociation because I'm not really caught up on that conversation. However, I wanted to say that OSDD-1a & 1b are not just community terms. Yes, our community uses these terms probably more strictly than necessary, but clinicians do use these terms now and again too!

I don't have OSDD/DDNOS so I don't know if these numbers get specified when you're diagnosed or if the clinician just specifies your symptom profile...but the book I'm currently reading literally refers to these specific subtypes in that way! They even throw around the possibility of a 1c and 1d, too. Lol!

Edit: I got a little mixed up about DDNOS & OSDD. My bad! DDNOS is the one where subtypes 1a & 1b were specified, but when it was changed to OSDD it combined them into just subtype 1. So, sometimes people still say OSDD 1a and 1b, but this is because that's how DDNOS used to be referred. The subtypes are no longer divided like this in the DSM-5.

Our take on the current discourse is that. DID and OSDD-1 are CDDs (OSDD-1a included). I feel like we don't have enough research on the other OSDDs to definitely tell where they classify? I can see the argument on why BPD and cPSTD would be considered CDDs but I personally disagree. they definitely both can include derealisation, depersonalisation, amnesia, identity confusion, but neither of them include full identity alteration (aka having autonomous dissociated parts)

I just feel like a lot of people in syscourse use CDD as a short hand and catch all for "trauma system disorder," which is why there's this big debate happening. I also agree that the lines between singlet and system are more blurry than people realise

Also, this is more of a minor and personal opinion (big shoutout to our friend who mainly came up with this take) but hot take, i kinda dont like the "levels" of structural dissociation in the tosd like, idk i think it causes more confusion?? It's never made sense to me. It makes more sense to me when i imagine it like a continuum. Because like, with the levels you end up with this thing where you have to assign traits to the levels so like secondary sd has 1 ANP and multiple EPs and tertiary has multiple ANPs and multiple EPs but then like you place osdd-1 in Just secondary and you end up in this situation where not every osdd-1 system fits into the one anp thing AND ITS LIKE??? I JUST FEEL LIKE GETTING RID OF THE LEVELS WOULD SOLVE A LOT OF CONFUSION 😭. We personally view it as a mix of a venn diagram and a spectrum, but a normal spectrum/continuum works too

Do you ever feel like your splitting at the edges. That the main, and others become a blur. You have a hard time with keeping one person in control, or there are many at once showing all at once? That your getting back in to old habits and you don't feel like you can stop...and you attach yourself to one person but when you don't get the attention, and your background, you are useless and deny yourself of time later on because they don't care or you don't deserve it.

I just feel like I'm going crazy and I need to know that that isn't just a me being crazy thing...

Hello Anon, this is Valentine speaking.

I have a feeling I know who this is, considering you just liked several posts in a row and followed us and asked this question all in the same span of time. The person whose post you primarily seem to be referencing fused a while back, otherwise he would probably be a better person to answer this.

However, if you are talking in the context of DID (which I am assuming you are since you are talking about the "main" and "the others" and "one person in control") I think you should be aware that while there is usually a "main" alter called a host, that alter is not more deserving of being in front than others, nor is that part an "original" or more important. The host is often an ANP which is why they are the host, however, non-ANPs can also be hosts, or folks like myself who are considered a "mix" of an ANP and EP. (Called ANEPs if I am remembering correctly, don't quote me on that.) I am part of the host team despite having some of the worst of our childhood trauma simply because of how emotionally detached I am from it. So I am generally able to go on with daily life without being burdened by the memories I hold. I am saying this because it feels that this message is saying you are trying to hold back other parts of yourself and seem to have the idea that the "main" part is the only part that should be in front, ever, and that all parts are just background noise. Which isn't true. All parts exist for a reason, and you'd be surprised how much better functioning becomes when these parts all begin communicating and working together. Which, of course, takes work.

As for the attaching to one person and not getting their attention, I suppose I can somewhat understand. As we are married, but there is a person we are friends with online that I have very strong feelings for and it is difficult because our system is monogamous. I have to set boundaries with myself so that I don't get carried away with this person, as I love them very dearly. It wasn't even something I thought I could feel for someone--so of course how ironic that I happen to have feelings for someone I can never have. Even if our wife was not monogamous, it's not something that would ever be possible, which is heartbreaking, of course. I drive myself nearly mad just thinking about them. We have a lot of chemistry and to not be able to have them makes me almost not even want to front anymore, as talking to them is nearly painful, as I am constantly holding back. They are also doing very poorly mentally and I want to be there to comfort them, however it is very difficult to do so in the way I would want. It's frustrating, as I became a frequent fronter late in life. I started fronting about 5-6 months ago, last time I fronted before that was when we were 7. I had to learn how to use a smartphone and got the pleasure of showing up during a fucking pandemic. Becoming a frequent fronter later in life means that I get to continue whatever the previous frequent fronters made our life to be. I have had not a single choice in what I would have wanted our life to be. And many others in our system are much the same. The choices were made by previous frequent fronters, namely our host and main system gatekeeper.

This is not to say I don't like our life, I just certainly would've done things differently. But of course, I will simply go with the flow that others have set for me. What else would I do?

I don't think you're cr*zy at all, though I may be interpreting your message completely wrong. You seem like you're in a difficult state of mind right now, and it is hard to parse what you're trying to say to me. I considered not even answering so that we wouldn't misconstrue what you're trying to say into something else. If you see this reply and you see I haven't actually answered your question, feel free to send another ask and I will try to answer it better.

Best of luck to you, anon. It sounds like you're having a hard time right now.

-Valentine (he/him)

Where did you hear that polyfragmentation is DID only? Whoever told you that is wrong, polyfragmentation can definitely happen with OSDD as well, it just means having 100+ parts, nothing more nothing less

Several systems that we trust to have good and reliable information told us about it.

Polyfragmentation is a more complex form of dissociation. OSDD is a “lesser” form of dissociation. It doesn’t make sense for someone to simultaneously have more complex and less complex dissociation. Just like how you can’t have DID/OSDD without C-PTSD. You can’t experience something more severe or complex without also experiencing the lesser form of complexity/severity.

Polyfragmentation is also not just about having 100+ alters. It’s the complexity of how a system functions, if they have layers and complex subsystems. It happens when a person has gone through so much trauma that it’s impossible to develop any coping mechanisms outside of dissociation, therefore splitting several fragments to hold the systems trauma.

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The theory of structural dissociation also follows and supports this. There are three levels of trauma related structural dissociation. These are:

Primary Structural Dissociation : Type I ; Trauma

“[Has] an apparently normal personality (ANP) and a traumatized emotional part of the personality (EP).”

Secondary Structural Dissociation : Type II ; Complex Trauma

“[Has] an apparently normal personality which switches between different traumatized emotional personality states (ANP + EP’s).”

Tertiary Structural Dissociation : Type III ; Very Complex Trauma

“A personality that switches between emotional and daily life tasks (ANP‘s + EP‘s). The tertiary structural dissociation is the only level that is related to Dissociative Identity Disorder.”

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In the case of Primary Structural Dissociation, the personality is integrated early in life as normal, but when a trauma occurs that cannot be integrated then structural dissociation happens, resulting in one ANP and one primitive EP. An example of Primary Structural Dissociation would be PTSD.

In the case of Secondary Structural Dissociation, it is close to Tertiary Structural Dissociation but with key differences. The personality is not fully integrated in early life like normal, resulting in structural dissociation. This results in one, or a handful of ANP’s, and a handful of less elaborate/complex EP’s. An example of Secondary Structural Dissociation would be OSDD-1.

In the case of Tertiary Structural Dissociation, an infant/child is traumatized prior to integration. This is not splitting, but rather a lack of integration. The emotional states stay separate and start to develop as ANPs/EPs.

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It is completely possible for an OSDD system to have more than one ANP, and the number will go up dependent on the number of alters in a OSDD system (e.g. the more alters you have the higher the chance you’ll have more ANPs) but the ratio of ANPs and EPs will ALWAYS be less than the ratio in DID systems. Any number of alters that’s less than 100 and meets the criteria for it is OSDD. Anything more and it’s Polyfragmented DID.

Amnesia is not cut and dry. DID is not “complete blackouts” they’re actually rare. OSDD is not “DID but with little to no amnesia”. OSDD still has amnesia but not between switches/daily tasks. You still have amnesia of traumatic events and emotional amnesia.

To give perspective on a ratio of ANPs and EPs for a very likely DID system (we aren’t comfortable with saying we’re DID yet despite all the evidence), we have 200+ ANPs and between 100-200 EPs. These are out of the ones we know are ANPs/EPs and don’t include mixed parts. Excluding our realization that we have horrible amnesia, the number of ANPs and EPs we have alone qualifies us more for DID than OSDD, as it would for anyone who has 100+ alters.

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References & Sources Used:

Structural Dissociation Model :: PDF

Trauma-Related Structural Dissociation of the Personality :: PDF

Summary of Structural Dissociation :: Website

On Polyfragmentation :: Tumblr Post

Misinformation on DID/OSDD :: Google Doc

What are eps and Anps?

To put this in the most simple terms:

ANPs, apparently normal parts, are parts (or alters, in the case of DID/OSDD) that handle everyday life. They tend to be avoidant of trauma memories, if not unaware of trauma entirely. This helps them manage life better, because they're not having breakdowns every five minutes (looking at some people in my system, here)

EPs, emotional parts, are parts that hold, and are fixated on, trauma memories, and they're usually easily triggered, emotional, and reactive.

Parts can also be a mix of the two.

This is a pretty good article to explain it more.

17th Alter

Name: Claire Lefebvre

Type: Apparently Normal Part (ANP) Emotional Part Mix / Teen Alter “Emotional Part & ANP mixture: The abuse began exceptionally early in this type of structure and was so extreme that these children had to alternate rapidly and frequently among emerging defensive and daily life action systems, hence their EP’s and ANP’s, can become mixed in chaotic manifestations. In a low functioning Dissociative Identity Disorder system the two can appear almost indistinguishable. This is only an appearance however. They are indeed distinct.”  x “Teen alter: A part between the ages of 13 and 18. These parts can be thought of as “developmental states that are encapsulated and stored inside the brain. Teenaged or adolescent alters may occur in people who had significant trauma during those years, or they may be child alters who have grown older.” x x

(To learn more about different types of alters and what each one means/does: http://traumadissociation.com/alters )

Front: Mainly from 2012 to 2015; Recognized as an alter March 2017 


Age: 18


Timeline: Shares our timeline but is isolated in the trauma. 


Connection to the body: Unknown


Blended: She was in cocon with a lot of other alters during her main time.

Relationships to others in the system: Had a warm brother/sister-like relationship with Lance

Subsystem: Presence unknown

About:

“The world wanted a mask; what they got was this girl.”

I’m rather unclear on Claire as an alter, but my best guess is that she was an ANP EP mix of mine, but I can’t figure out where she came in fully. She may have always been our ANP and in cocon a lot, and when things became too traumatizing, she took on the EP parts because of what she experienced in the outside world. The fact she didn’t identify with my birth name is a good hint too. She knew she had anxiety and PTSD, but didn’t take in any of the pain from having these things and what they insinuated. There was a time when I was a really soft spoken, kind girl who still thought we’d go to college and marry our high school sweetheart. She loved him dearly and put up with his negligence in the relationship out of love and an insistence everything could work out.

I believe she eventually became an Emotional Part due the breakup, and that’s where Lance stepped up for awhile before integrating (and eventually that collapsed and he separated again) and I came in as a manager. We aren’t really sure what happened to Claire, since I feel like I share a lot of traits with her, but that’s not who I am. That may be due to maturing and transitioning, but I can’t be sure. She may even be blending with me a lot of the time, and less dormant than I think. But we don’t know, so because of what I feel internally at this moment I am considering her an ANP EP mix who is dormant.

She may have also been neo-exiled because she holds a lot of the pain of a relationship we were in for 5 years. Due to living and financial circumstances, we have depended on that exes help since to get by, which he kindly offers after being partially responsible for putting me in this situation in the first place. Because of this, those feelings may have been repressed into her so we can continue to live our life.

In her time of theorized main fronting, she began to look up to Lance like a brother or a guardian once we figured out he could be trusted, even if a bit rough around the edges. I this time, Little Red Riding hood and the big bad wolf became themes in exploring this side of ourselves.

Has a lot of anxiety. We would wake up in panic attacks. Loves Taylor Swift, and associates heavily with Autumn and Taylor’s RED album.

Was the one who started our Pokemon Youtube channel. Associations with Katniss Everdeen of The Hunger Games, since we were obsessed with the series in high school and felt akin to Katniss at times due to the struggle for survival. Associates herself with black and brown hair and red lipstick, which both I had on and off in high school and for awhile after. Was in some sort of denial about being queer, ignorant to the struggles of what this means, and of the trauma. Knew of the trauma, but not what it meant.

Pinterest Board [Here you can learn more about this alter!]

Meet the rest of us!

Bit of psychoanalysing Piers and what we believe is/will be the best roles for him in the system below the cut...

First and foremost, between what Shad remembers of Dyne’s formation, and now our experience with Piers, we have a much clearer view of how splits and dissociation between us works.  In the case of Piers, he began forming around January or so, in the midst of some family drama that proceeded to get worse in the following months.  At the same time, we were in a damaging friendship that likewise only proceeded to get worse.  In both cases, there were aspects that I could handle, but others that were triggering to the point where I couldn’t handle it, and Leon was very much the same.

So, Leon split, and that piece we believe mixed with a piece of Teddy, and, a new piece that was equipped to handle all of the above.

That said, though, we’ve found that new formations end up unable to communicate with any of us for quite a while.  We think it may be because new splits start as EPs, to get us through the immediate stress.  Some eventually develop further, becoming ANPs, which leads to being able to assist with fronting and day to day life.  Some continue to just be EPs, and usually are dormant until we have need of those specific traits.

The way Piers described the past few months was like being in a heavy fog.  There was no concept of time; the only reason he knows it was 6-ish months since he began to exist is because the rest of us know the timeframe.  He said the memories felt vague, but he also remember exact details, certainly clearer than Leon and I had.  The both of us thought that we were just losing communication between us, and assumed the other had been handling things.  The reality of it, was that Piers was essentially blocking the signal between the rest of us in front, in order to handle what we weren’t.  So, communication, switching, general system life, was thrown a bit into chaos, not because of stress, but because of a third party on a different mental plane.

When we were no longer in a crisis with either of those two big events, he went dormant, and things went back to business as usual for us.  We assumed it was because the stress was over, which was partially true.

So then, why is he back now and able to communicate with us?  Well, we’ve been processing a lot of family trauma this month, as well as trying to process trauma regarding past friends and relationships.  Our big focus this August (which is a huge trauma-associated month) has been on forming solid relationships (platonic or otherwise) and trying to find a good balance among ourselves and our external friends and family.

The biggest issue?  We don’t have anyone as part of the core fronting team that is entirely helpful with positive social situations.  Maria and Leon can help here and there, but they’re intrinsically distrusting of intimate interactions with others, which is exacerbated thanks to trauma month.  Even so, Maria tends to function best as an internal caretaker, and Leon does best with keeping us afloat.  Socialising externally isn’t something either can put a huge emphasis on.  And I don’t socialise, nor does Shadow.

Piers, however, is a mix of both worlds.  He’s very playful and social, but still cautious of forming bonds too quickly.  He likes people.  And, most importantly, he seems to be able to gauge and prioritise relationships based on spoons (in the sense of “this person will require more spoons to respond to, so I’ll handle that by doing x-y-z”; “this person requires no spoons to talk to, so I can talk to them a lot,” etc).

Outside of the social assistance and helping to process the events that he formed to help with, though, he also seems to handle some of our Autistic traits and dependency that... the rest of us have been struggling with thanks to being unable to form close bonds with most others.  He requires a lot of pressure and sensation stimming (hence why we’d like to invest in a weighted blanket with at least one side of minky lining ASAP), as well as a semi-strict schedule that is well organised.  The... latter being something we have been lacking on, and something that we’ve found can quickly stress and overstimulate him (as we found out during the Password Thing).

Overall, I’m grateful to have him as the yin to my ASD handing yang, as it were, and I know Leon’s happy to have Piers as the one to do the social retconning.  It’s, nice to have been able to sit down and be able to map out his formation from start to where we are now, and figure out how to best make use of his presence, while also being able to find ways to keep him as safe as possible, as well.

We’re learning bit by bit about ourselves, and that’s something even 6 months ago we weren’t sure we’d be able to do.  Progress is slow, but it’s good.  I’m, proud of us.

can cptsd have one part that feels disconnected/numb to the trauma and numb in daily life but another part that gets triggered and has emotional responses/thoughts that are always clashing w each other? anp and ep(or maybe a mixed part) wait. if someone has multiple disorders can an anp feel those symptoms or just the eps? does having some kind of emotional response from like bpd mean it must be from an ep or can an anp also feel that? how does someone know if their identities are integrated or if they are unintegrated like alters? what would having multiple identities but have them integrated even look like?

I can't answer these questions and don't know how to, sorry.