‘ i’ve been gettin’ off, thinkin’ about what you’re gonna do to me. ‘ and i oop-

"Have you?" Her hand at his jaw, her thumb brushing his cheek. The boyfriend or husband or whatever he is is out; it's just her and Leo now, as it should be, and with her eyes half shut and her thighs spread across his lap, she leans down to brush their noses together, herald of a kiss.

He tastes good. The frame of the couch creaks as she adjusts her weight and settles herself fully against him, her skirt stretched taut, rucked up nearly to her hips. He could, if he so chose, slide a hand up to find the panties she's worn for him, so negligible they barely exist. The hand not cradling his face drives into his thick, dark hair, releasing the oaky scent of his pomade.

She rocks her hips. He's casual tonight in soft designer joggers, Moncler pour l'homme, eight hundred dollars if they're a cent, and she's going to make him come in them.

"Tell me," she murmurs with their faces close, letting him feel the heat of her breath behind the words. She rolls herself languidly against him as his cock begins to harden for her. She licks her lips. The thought of him flushed and sticky and soft and spent makes her cunt flutter. "Tell me just..." She hitches her breath, closes her eyes, as though he's just pushed inside her. "Just what you imagined."

feed the beast :^)

What's Up With Jack? - A JFK Clone High Character Analysis Written By a Mentally Unwell Highschool Student

I'm gonna start this essay off with 5 words: JFK is an iconic character. He's not as iconic as…Spongebob, sure, but he is the glue that holds together Clone High as a whole because of his character. I've written an essay on him once, and since then I've always loved him and he was so interesting to analyze. Though, I felt as if I had gotten a few things wrong in that one analysis. So, I'm remaking it. In addition, I'm adding some more stuff and correcting what I've gotten wrong.

We know who JFK is. Not the former US president, the cartoon character. The brute, dumb womanizing jock. The one that's used for comedic relief from time to time. The silly himbo that people have grown to love since 2020.

While Clone High is a very satire show that makes fun of various teen tropes, we get ourselves some very interesting characters like Joan, the shadowy board, etc. So in a way, making this analysis is very silly of me but I'm a Clone High obsessed nerd who relates to some of the characters. Most of all, JFK. I want to highlight some elements that most of the fandom doesn't really dig into that much. Good news for JoanFK and Jfabe fans, I can't infodump without mentioning both of these ships.

This is a JFK Clone High essay, and why I care so fucking much. Contains season 2 spoilers.

LGBTQ: THE SEXUAL MINORITY

To state the obvious, JFK has gay foster dads. Something that you don't see in many other 2000s cartoons. Most people would expect the last thing is for a jock to have same sex foster parents. Jack seeks advice from them. He loves them. However, we do get moments where JFK gets confused about his own sexual orientation at times. For instance, he messes up his words and gets flustered around "John Dark", who is actually Joan. In the end, however, he becomes relieved at the thought of not being attracted to the same sex.

This could either mean that he was "intimidated" by his own sexual orientation, or the fact that he's bisexual in a country that many sexual minorities struggle through– even today. Even if this might be a stretch, this is the 2000s, I must remind you. It was a VERY different time for people who identified with their orientations. Since JFK is so popular in the school, he could've become afraid of ruining his own reputation because he was simply bisexual. So what does he do? He goes to his foster parents for advice.

A lot of people in the world aren't very accepting of people who are queer (hell, people shunned Abe for kissing his friend Gandhi. And while Abe isn't attracted to Gandhi in any way, I feel like this could be a good example).

Let's put ourselves in JFK's shoes for a moment. You'd happen to be a kid growing up in the 80s-90s. You have gay foster parents. You'd get made fun of for having gay parents. I think that at some point during Jack's childhood, he was probably ridiculed for having parents of the same sex. It's possible.

His Personality, His Reputation, And His Feelings

JFK loves receiving praise. He pulls constantly, he's the captain of the football team, and he likes making himself look nice. But it's very obvious that he hides his feelings, he wants to make himself look tough SO much that he's almost forgotten the one thing: It's okay to feel human emotions. JFK has mentioned before that the only girl who ever gave him feelings (before Joan came in) was Cleo– and even if she did, the two were in a toxic relationship. They argued with each other constantly, they put each other down.

This could suggest that he's only ever felt way too empty when he was around with other girls, so Cleo coming into his life brought a little color into his world. Just…not for long. He has a deep fear of breaking up with Joan and losing her, because he has abandonment issues. Yes, JFK, the asshole jock, has abandonment issues, and it's been right in front of our eyes. He himself demonstrates a genuine fear of losing someone close to us.

Now to talk about one of my favorite episodes where JFK gets some character development. Litter Kills: Litterally. If you don't know the premise of this episode, JFK loses his best friend, Ponce, due to him being killed by litter. And. That's pretty much it, everyone go home

Seriously though, while the episode itself is pretty stupid and hilarious, it also remains one of the emotional Clone High episodes. When Ponce dies, JFK is devastated, clearly. He lost one of his only best friends, and as the funeral for Ponce went on, JFK didn't care about his reputation, he didn't care how insane he looked to everyone, he only wanted to be with his friend. But even in the current situation he was in, JFK first refused to be comforted by Abe. This is also the moment of one of the first ever times he ever felt a warm embrace. And by his enemy, of all people.

Towards the end of the episode, we can see that JFK is at least starting to move on.

Now, on to season 2 JFK, I do believe that he had some sort of character growth ever since Joan came into his life, which brings me to number 3:

Loneliness And Insecurities

JFK is noticeably happier when he's with Joan, correct. She's the only person he's ever felt comfortable being with compared to Cleo, whereas the two were in a completely toxic relationship back in season 1.

I want to remind you all that Joan is genuinely the only woman JFK has ever loved, so the thought of breaking up with her makes him…anxious. He has an irrational fear of losing her, same as he lost Cleo (though, the two remained friends). In Anxious Times At Clone High, JFK avoids Joan so she wouldn't break up with him. He runs away from his problems in this episode, to be exact. When he's not with Joan, he is prone to overthinking.

Joan and JFK do share something in common, they both struggle in actually making friends. But in season 2 episode 2, Joan makes friends faster than JFK does. He's spent most of his highschool years being a womanizing stud, that he came to the realization that he actually doesn't have any friends. His only friend was his girlfriend.

So, he resorts to crying in the boys restroom. Which is where we see him become friends with Confucius, as he invites him over to his mansion for a boys night. A very convenient thing that caught my eye was: Confucius also struggles in making friends. So he and JFK also share a thing in common. This is one of the first friends he ever made, mind you.

JFK admits to the fact that he's a "loser with zero friends", after getting absolutely demolished in an internet argument against Topher Bus.

So, JFK is a very insecure person, got it. He insults himself over having no friends. He's afraid of losing someone close to him because he fears he's not good enough for her. He's so scared about the thought of her breaking up with him that it pushes him out of his comfort zone. Though, as the episodes progressed, we do see JFK gaining many other friendships, even becoming friends with his former rival, Abe.

JoanFK (And Why It Didn't Work Out)

I will start off with this section by saying that I do not dislike JoanFK, I personally think they are very cute. They have a great ship dynamic. Goth girl x dumb jock. But, and this is a very lukewarm take: I feel like their break up was fair.

Saved By The Knoll was the breaking point, where in one of the scenes, JFK…cheats on Joan by making out with Harriet. And while they both apologized and admitted it to her, it's still treated as cheating by Joan (however forgives them both in the end).

I believe that JFK letting Joan break up with him in Spring Broken was a very responsible thing to do of him, and he goes on about how Joan needs someone with her that's not just sexually. And JFK…makes a lot of sex jokes. He's not a perfect person. He has flaws in relationships, this includes Joan. Even though it was a pretty emotional scene, and Joan was saddened by JFK's suggestion, they are able to work things out in episode 8, Sexy Ed.

You get where I'm going with this. I personally think that JFK and Joan are better off as friends, they have an excellent platonic duo dynamic that could work out so well. The whole entire relationship thing was doomed to fail, and couldn't last long as a result. And while they both look out for each other and care for each other, I don't think I'm the only one who thought that the relationship was quickly gonna sink like the titanic.

Jfabe (And Why It Does Work Out)

I'm not saying JFK and Abe have to be a romantic couple, like JoanFK, they could also form a cool duo dynamic that we pretty much have little to see so far. I can only hope that in season 3, we could have more moments between them where they're just a powerful brotp.

I'd like to point out that these two are complete opposites; Abe is tall and lanky while JFK is short and buff. I like the thought of the tall loser boyfriend x short jock boyfriend ship dynamic. They both influenced each other's goals, Abe was determined to get Cleo to be with him because JFK was competing against him to also get the girl, and JFK wanted to win the presidential election because Abe was getting himself into danger (as said by Joan). In season 2 episode 10 however, they both agreed to the fact that, "Hey, we actually do great as a team!"

I believe that JFK and Abe could work out things if they were to be in a relationship together, such as JFK learning from his previous break up that he needs to improve. I figured that Abe could be his emotional support. The one who's always there for him, willing to help JFK out whenever he needs it. Just wanted to share my thoughts.

Conclusion

For a satirical highschool comedy, JFK is an interesting antagonist to supporting character despite being the stereotypical highschool bully, and that's probably part of why people like him so much. While they have watered him down a bit in season 2 I couldn't be more grateful that we at least got some more JFK content to work with. He has been rotting my brain asides from the show itself i think i need help . Thanks for sticking around

In regards to that post [X]:

We could talk about the same old fallacies - OMG, Dean's siren is a guy! Yeah, a brother. OMG, Dean was supposed to say I love you in the Crypt scene! Yeah, it was removed and replaced with what the writer explicitly said was the less OOC version of what he meant anyway, "We're family". We could talk about the blatant absurdity of statements like "Dean liked men it happened on my screen" which bear no resemblance to the SPN that aired. But we've done that before and others have got this reiteration of it well covered.

So I wanna focus for the moment on this particular even more repulsive gem: "Like he literally doesn't need to verbally tell us he's bisexual we just know. He may not know but we do. This is an unmovable fact sorry."

It tells us a few things. One, this person is a fucking idiot. Two, this person, yet again, thinks that ~*interpreting*~ sexuality from the way someone looks/stands/makes eye contact/eats pastry/whatever numbnuts conspiracy bullshit you like? Is more valid than how a character identifies and is identified by those who created him. People can just look at you and know what your sexuality is better than you do, there's nothing repulsive about that idea at all! I've got a mountain of shiny pennies that says if Dean had literally never interacted with a man for the entire span of the series, they would have insisted it was because he was so afraid of how much he wanted to fuck them. There was no way the writers could have written Dean that someone like that would have accepted as actually heterosexual, because that's not what they personally wanted, so that's not what they were going to see.

I'm not saying there aren't things that might be said about how relatively questionable some of the gay jokes in SPN are, especially in the early years in terms of making queerness a punchline. But if we're going to talk about that? We need to do it not only in the cultural context of 2005 rather than 2023, but in the context of portrayals of real world men - and particularly those in fairly rural settings who aren't going to be particularly conscientious in the way they rib each other. Which becomes a whole other discussion about where to draw lines when you're writing fiction and dealing with things that might be realistic but also potentially offensive.

Furthermore, I'm not saying there aren't things that might be said about how SPN continually used romantic tropes for platonic relationships and how it's not entirely absurd for that to land different with the audience when the characters are not blood-related. Except that discussion needs to include not just how maybe the writers shouldn't have treated it as such a joke that a relationship between two male characters might have been possible, but also how fans should absolutely not have equated a relationship being theoretically possible with any specific relationship they wanted being owed to them. Especially in the context of those romantic tropes being used so so so much more between brothers all the fucking time setting the tone. As well as how it's not just problematic to treat the possibility of homosexual relationships as a joke, but problematic to insist literally any closeness between two male entities is gay, reinforcing all kinds of nasty toxic stereotypes about sexuality and masculinity which underlay a lot of modern adult men's issues with expressing their emotions and having genuinely close and open relationships outside of their romantic partners. I've seen fans wonder how heterosexual dudes can watch this show and love the brothers' relationship without seemingly noticing the weird undertones of how claustrophobically intertwined they are, and I think it's very much that when it comes to wanting a fantasy of platonic closeness, they're looking for realism as much as most women reading trashy romance novels are - but that's a whole other digression and this is already too long.

At the end of the day, not only was SPN not created in the cultural context of Very Online Tumbrites in 2023, convinced that nothing should ever be is heterosexual and every fictional story should be about them and what they want? The fact their ostensible original point misses is the real world and most other media of 2023 aren't like that either! Some of these shippers come across like they've literally never seen two adult male friends interact with each other or any actual love stories in media - and it's not just early 2000's television characters getting this treatment from entitled shippers who want to use representation as a weapon against creators as to why they're owed things they absolutely aren't.

Pride Month Headcanons

It's about time I organized these. Under the readmore bc I have a lot to say

- Salvatore and his wife are bi4bi. More accurately, his wife is bi and Salvatore isn’t putting a label on it because while he thinks he’s bisexual his only real world experiences with men are a single makeout session in a Lumiose club during a language immersion trip and lingering too long on some Instagram models’ posts about their abs. If you ask him about it he will not say he’s bisexual bc doesn't need anyone other than his wife, but he’s pretty sure he’s bi in his heart

- Hassel and Brassius have been together for almost 30 years but aren’t officially married. For a variety of reasons, mostly centering around Hassel’s family being a possible threat to Brassius’ safety, they decided to just keep it on the DL. They live together and are for all intents and purposes married, but never actually signed the paperwork. When people ask, especially strangers, they refer to each other as artistic partners or close friends, but anyone who knows them well is well aware they’re husbands. Most people assume they got officially married, and when the school finds out they beg the two to have a ceremony, even if they don’t sign the paperwork. Tbh I could prolly make a whole post on just them (and prolly will)

- Dendra is a lesbian, she‘s had a crush on Tulip for YEARS. Despite her usual extroverted and confident attitude she never confessed and has no idea if Tulip likes women, nevermind if she reciprocates Dendra's feelings. Tulip figured out Dendra is a lesbian but never realized her crush. Somehow.

- Eri and Carmen are girlfriends. The rest of Team Star admins took a LONG time to come around to this, since they think Eri forgave Carmen too fast and were worried Carmen was trying to take advantage of Eri again. They got over it though, and she’s been invited to their hangouts ever since

- Penny is trans I’ve talked about this like 26 times and have zero intention of stopping. She transitioned a lot over her suspension in Galar and has the most supportive family and friend group imaginable. Her body image is extremely fragile but that’s honestly just anxiety from general past bullying, and her new friends have helped immensely in that regard

- Sada and Turo are bi4bi this is a hill I will die on

- Iono is super tight lipped about her sexuality because of idol streaming stuff. Unlike most, she actually likes to keep people guessing, it’s like a game to her

- Every pride, Larry wears a rainbow tie. No one has ever been able to figure out if he’s LGBT or an ally or what. Rika’s running theory is that his Staraptor is gay and he’s trying to be supportive

- Geeta is a career focused person and never took the time to think about her sexuality. If you ask her about it, she won’t have a good answer and you might just make her short-circuit. I think kissing her would make her explode

- Ryme is aroace. I have nothing to say abt that specifically other than aroace people are the coolest and so is she

- Rika is Butch. She got top surgery and everyone is gay for her, myself included. However she has negative game. Pickup game pathetic. Cringefail, even

- Raifort is a lesbian but is only into really toxic women specifically. Genuinely just the worst taste imaginable. She is always complaining about how much she dislikes men as romantic partners and then is actively running towards red flags like she’s playing flag football

- Jacq is non-binary but is a little worried to ask if he can get his pronouns updated on the academy registrar. He’s sure it’ll be fine, but he’s perpetually stressed out and a liiiiil scared of Clavell. He/they enby king with enough anxiety to put anyone else in the hospital

- The academy is the most accepting place in the world. The GSA (which Hassel runs) is one of the most popular clubs, and cishet students and teachers will often sit in just to learn or support their peers. They go HARD in June, and are the official runners of the Mezagoza Pride Parade ever year

- A big part of the reason people feel so safe in the academy is bc there’s a ton of GNC people, both LGBT and not. Saguaro comes to mind, and is someone that a ton of students look up to. He’s cishet but could prolly crumble the gender binary in one hand. He would too

- [gestures vaguely at Clavell] he got smth going on. Idk what I haven’t thought abt it but something

I've been contemplating where i think succession is going, in this, its final season. Seeing Roman and Gerri's tenuous relationship grow sour, and watching the relationship between Shiv and Tom transform into something we have never seen before, i have lost all confidence i once had that TomGreg would at least be acknowledged as a thing that exists. I think that Roman and Gerri had such an interesting dynamic, and i genuinely believe that love was possible, if it didnt already exist. Roman obviously has mommy and daddy issues, and you can say its unhealthy or weird, but Gerri was the person that he showed the most of his true self to, and Gerri wasn't repulsed by it, but enthralled, intrigued, they matched each others energies perfectly. But now that's been taken away from him, most heartbreakingly so, on the day after his father passed away, where he has to act like he doesnt care about her anymore, but inside, desperate to cling to her for comfort, but alas, no comfort was to be had. So, we've had this relationship of sorts, built up, and in one fell swoop its been destroyed, and treated as if it never happened, back to business as usual.

Which brings me to TomGreg. These two characters have been glued to each other since season one, and now all of a sudden we're supposed to ignore all the not-so-heterosexual conversations and gestures between them? Tom and Shiv are now having a more Tom and Greg type relationship, Tom's able to be openly hostile and upset towards Shiv when he feels that way, rather than hiding it away within himself, or taking it out on Greg. He's able to stand up for himself and what he wants, he's able to offer support to her if she wants it, but when she declines he has the confidence to not worry about it after the fact. He is able to care for her still, but she's not his entire world, he's not relying on her for emotional support or financial gain, its almost like they are back to when they first met and fell in love. Meanwhile she is purposefully trying to make him jealous, and willingly comes to him for emotional support, rather than ignoring him, she's hostile towards him, but in the way a kid lashes out when they are frustrated and dont know how to tell their crush that they like them. All this points to a possible reconnection between the two, and a healthier relationship than it once was, and that would be fine, if Tom and Greg hadnt had the relationship that they've had up to this point. You dont get to set up this dynamic between two weirdos, stuck in a world of apathy, make it seem like they are the only two people in the show that get each other, and have each others backs, and reach for in need of comfort, and then turn them into the disgusting brothers, and pop a baby up in Shiv, kill her father and then fix the marriage, because lets be honest here, if she wasnt pregnant, and especially not pregnant at such a scary, stressful and sad time of her life, there would be no chance that this marriage could be seen as anything close to salvageable. So if that is how this story ends up going, its gotta be seen as bad writing, im sorry, especially the pregnancy aspect, its always such a cop out, like, "oops, she wanted a divorce but now shes trapped in a toxic relationship!" no, im tired of this kind of story. I think we have had enough in this show to actually call the relationship of Tom and Greg canon already, but one of the main reason i want it on screen is for representation. There are plenty of lgbtq romances with teens or young people, and with shows like The Last of Us and Severance, we get representation for older gay couples, and that's beautiful, and i love it, but its not enough, how many mainstream shows or movies have you seen where a middle aged man and younger man fall in love, and its not abusive, its healthy, and its actual love? and how many of those romances are between a man that is bisexual even? its not that common at all, so the idea of a canon romance between two characters that millions of people have grown to know and love, one being a closeted younger man, and the other, an older bisexual man, that just feels really special to me, and i'd be sad if it didn't happen. Of course my desires for Tom and Greg's relationship to become realized are not entirely selfless, i also love the characters and think they both can be happiest with each other at this point in their lives, and since we wont ever see these characters again, i'd like to know they are going to be okay by the time those credits roll for the last time.

Fated WIP Intro

Genre & POV

High Fantasy, First Person Single

Content Warnings

Graphic violence, gore, severe injury, death/dead bodies, toxic relationships, manipulation, gaslighting, mental/emotional abuse, (fantasy) racism, claustrophobia, bad religion

Synopsis

Childhood friends Wren and Wesley have had an on-again off-again physical relationship for years as the two have continued on their opposite paths through life. While Wesley gains acclaim as one of the greatest warriors of his time and is the prime pick to wield the holy blade of Soluminux, while Wren has made a name in petty crime circles as a con-artist and thief. But after a night spent together and a fight that causes Wren to be at the wrong place at the right time, the holy blade chooses them as its wielder, thrusting them into the spotlight. Tasked with saving the world from a threat only describe in vague prophetic form, Wren has to catch up to the group of elite warriors they're suddenly apart of, once again entangled in Wesley's life. As the pair struggles with themselves and their strained relationship, they race against the clock to figure out what the prophecy means, how to stop it, and why Wren keeps having increasingly horrific dreams.

More info below the cut

Characters

#wren 23; nonbinary, they/them; pansexual; moonkin; chosen one; daggers. A selfish person through and through, Wren uses charm, wit, and deception to get their way. After being told for their entire life that they're scum and will never amount to anything, they decided to fulfill the role others forced them into. Deep down, however, is a deeply hurt person desperate for attention, even if it's not the right sort.

#wesley clark 24; trans man, he/him; bisexual; sunkin/moonkin; second in command; sword and shield. Struggling with himself and his place in the world, Wesley has always found it easy to follow others. Despite his physical prowess, Wesley is a person who cannot stand up for himself or how to be his own person. Being himself had only ever gotten him hurt, so he gave up himself to become what other people wanted.

#tild gerwig 68; trans woman, she/her; heterosexual; moonkin; commander; mace. Her wisdom was hard-earned but she gives it away easily, wanting to foster the next generation of elites to leave behind the most capable fighters possible to protect the people. With a strong sense of justice and tenacity that's gotten her this far, she fully intends to make sure that the prophetic threat meets a grisly end.

#sakina faraj 24; cis woman, she/her; lesbian; sunkin; finisher; battleaxe. A bubbly, ferociously optimistic person, Sakina will always be the first to introduce herself to someone new. She's compassionate and positive because she's fully aware of how bad the world can be, and knows the best way to fight back is by spreading good. But don't mistake her kindness and warmth for weakness; in the heat of battle, there's no one else you'd want at your side.

#yeong-ja kil 23; cis woman, she/her; butch; sunkin; frontliner; dual wielder. A strong person both in body and mind, her spirit is unbreakable. She's had to fight for every opportunity in her life and she refuses to squander a single one. It's with a rare and surprising grace that she helps others in the heat of battle, putting aside her personal qualms in order to do the just and noble thing. Don't tell anyone, though; she has a reputation to keep.

#klaus danner 22; cis man, he/him; demisexual; sunkin; scout; versatile. With a past shrouded in death that he hardly talks about- that is, on the rare occasion he actually speaks -he's a man who's seen far too much far too young. Despite the fact that he always appears to be deeply within himself, his sharp eyes and ears rarely miss a thing. Watch what you say around him, he'll always remember it.

#soheil bashir 25; cis man, he/him; gay; sunkin; backliner; bow & arrows. Reserved, cautious, and shy, Soheil is an unlikely addition to the elite squad. But his measured approach to situations and his knack for staying level-headed even in the most dire of situations, he brings a needed balance to the group. With a strong desire to do good, tempered by his mild attitude, he strives to be more like his friends open himself up to allowing a risk or two into his life.

Ships

#wrestling is Wren/Wesley. While being a fun combination of their names, it's representative of the tumultuous nature of their relationship. There is always some sort of conflict, each of them struggling for control of one another and the world around them. But it takes two to tango, neither one blameless in how their relationship has turned out. Their fight is endless, but deep down, they never want it to stop.

#swordsbians is Sakina/Yeong-ja. A classic case of sunshine and grump, but now they have weapons and they WILL use them.

#hawkeye is Soheil/Klaus. An unsual pairing with a shared love of nature and skills in staying hidden in plain sight. Oh, and sharpshooting.

Other Links

Pinterest

Wren Playlist

Wrestling Playlist

Taglist

@florraisons​ @phantomnations

HIIII

so.

i'm in love with one of my best friends.

to set the whole scene: i'm in a friendgroup which includes me and 4 other people.

there's me, a genderqueer person, who's... idk bout my sexuality, i'm just queer in general

there's A, A is genderfluid, uses all pronouns and is sapphic

there's B, B is a demigirl lesbian

there's C, idk what is C's gender identity or sexuality, but she uses he/she

and there's D, D is a bisexual trans boy/demiboy, i'm not sure, he came out as trans, but when he heard about the term demiboy for the first time he said that it sounds pretty much like him, so... idk. but he uses he/him.

i'm in love with A. i'm so fucking in love with her. they are literally the smartest, prettiest, most perfect person in the whole world. i love him so so so much. and - please be proud of how brave i am - i told them that.

i mean, not the whole thing, that could be a little too much, but in general they knew that i like someone and then i told her that i have a crush on her. yeah. and he likes me back!!!

HE LIKES ME BACK

SHE HAS A CRUSH ON ME

AAAAAAAAAGH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

sorry, i had to scream about it a little.

we aren't together or anything, cos:

we are still kids, at least i am. i feel like i'm still a kid and i'm not quite ready for a relationship

i know that if we would get together now we would probably break up quickly and i don't want to risk our friendship cos we know each other for years and she's really important to me

remember B? B is A's best friend. like, the best of best friends. and B's also my best friend. i don't think that i'm B's best friend, cos her best friend is probably A, but she's really important to me. so, how is B connected to me and my relationship with A? well. B is in love with me. i know. i know. that's not very practical. but unfortunately that's the truth. B is in love with me. and from all the crushes that exist in my friendgroup (C also had some crushes on people in this friendgroup, but that's not the main theme here so i'm not going to focus on that) i think that B's is the most serious one. from what i know she really likes me. i think that she also is the only person from the weird triangle that i, A and B create that is actually ready for a relationship. and both me and A don't want to hurt her, so even if we wanted a relationship it wouldn't be possible because of how much we care about B and her emotions and stuff like that.

ugh.

fuck it.

i kinda wish that me and A could be something more. not a full relationship-we're-together-we-go-on-dates-and-kiss-and-stuff couple, but just... idk. i wish that we would spend more time together, cos we NEVER spend time alone, like, only the two of us. and i hate it so much cos i'd LOVE to spend more time with them. i'd love to. but i just don't know what to do with all this shit.

when we spend time it's usually with our whole friendgroup or with B. since he and B are really close i always feel bad when i spend time with them two cos i feel like i'm a second choice to everyone and then i'm scared that i'm toxic because of the fact that i'm jealous of their relationship.

sorry for the rant. i just don't really have anyone to talk about all of this with.

i hope that this counts as sapphic even though neither me, A or B are actually girls

well that is definitely quite the story anon, the only advice i can give is that, you are all young, it can go everyway imaginable so you can either try to do something about it or let it wither away

this was originally sent to me via an anonymous ask on my old blog hardestgrove and i’m reposting it here pretty much unchanged or editted

i know you are one of few who ship billy/chrissy and i was wondering if you have any hc's of billy helping chrissy through her eating disorder? part of me also believes that billy has issues with his body and possibly has an eating disorder himself to some degree. -- anon

meant to reply to this last night but i went insane and detoured sorry my bad

it’s my sacred duty to champion the cunningrove agenda so happy to get into this shit! I’ll also preface this with saying I don’t really have personal experience with these topics, I’m working off of knowledge from osmosis and research so if anything feels incorrect, off or bullshity that would be why and I apologize for that rip.

first off I think Billy is skirting what would be considered a more clinical issue. He engages in problematic eating habits but ones that are more “acceptable” like strict dieting (as much as he can with Neil dictating the menu and pantry), fasting for weight loss, ignoring certain foods in favor of others because they’re better for bulking up regardless of his nutritional needs etc. I think you’re right that Billy has body issues. I think there’s room on how you want to interpret them though and I pick whichever I think makes the most sense for what I’m working on at the moment. I think the two main options are:

Billy has been put down so much, including comments about his appearance growing up, that he struggles to see himself as attractive as he is and works on himself as a means of gaining control somewhere in his life and making himself feel better.

Billy knows he looks good and is confident in his looks. He is obsessive about his appearance and maintaining it because it’s something he can control and it’s something that cannot be easily taken from him that he can take pride in. It’s a way to both express himself and make himself feel better. His body is the only thing he really has that’s undeniably his.

I think it’s also very important to note that with the escalation of the AIDS crisis there were shifts in the queer and straight communities about what was the most attractive look for a man (the shift was more notable in the queer community tho). In the 70s men like Bowie who were thinner and androgynous had much more sway on the mass concept of sex appeal but with AIDS being a wasting disease there was reignited interest in the whole virile macho man look. I see Billy very much as bisexual which would make him sadly one of the most vulnerable groups to hate on all sides. Billy’s father already has a very stunted, toxic and traditional view on masculinity which already emphasizes a malformed version of the virile masculine man. Not to mention the desire to bulk up and get strong so no one else can make him feel weak or helpless ever again.

So it’s all just this big cocktail of shit on his end, a lot of it just simmering there likely never to be directly confronted due to the differences in how these issues are treated between men and women.

I think walking into Hawkins Billy has more aware of eating disorders than most guys his age (or maybe even people in town idk) because he’s from a bigger city and knew more girls. I wrote elsewhere in one cunningrove that one girl at his school got taken away in an ambulance because she’d passed out from starvation at school. Billy used to be more keyed into girl world than the other guys back in San Diego (for dating/sex reasons let’s not give him TOO much credit lol) so it’s something he has this kind of vague passing understanding of eating disorders as it is.

Her eating disorder is frankly one of the reasons he probably started seriously paying attention to her/spending time with her. At first he paid attention to her because she was hot and he was planning out his socio-political moves to cement his place as the new king around town. But then he noticed how she’d bail mysteriously after she had a big/decent sized lunch but didn’t after tiny/nonexistent ones and how when not in her cheer uniform all her clothes are on the baggy and covering end– as much as she can get away with at least.

Billy has no faith in others. He firmly believes that no one will ever come and help you, that you have to do it yourself if you want it done. So he knows that even if someone other than him has noticed she’s probably got a problem here they’re not gonna do shit to help. It doesn’t sit well with him, she’s probably one of the nicest people in town it shouldn’t take her needing to be hospitalized for people to realize she needs help. So he takes it on himself. Because fuck that shit. Billy doesn’t know how to be just friends with girls though, this is literally isn’t a skill or mentality he allowed to develop growing up so he dates her. He woos and seduces her and officially gets her under his wing of protection and into the space he’s socially allowed to like… Feel Anything In.

One of the first things he does (with out her knowledge ofc) is go at look up books on eating disorders. Billy’s smart and knows he’s out of his depth and not interested in talking out his ass and making it worse. There’s likely not a lot on how to like, help your loved ones in those books though, just the technical jargon. So he tries to put himself in her shoes and figure out what he/Chrissy would want– which ofc seeing has he does in fact have a certain amount of body issues himself is uh, easier than anticipated lol.

One of the things he does is just tell her often how pretty she is, in different ways and phrasings so if one doesn’t land the next will. He picks out all her flaws with the seasoned eye of a man with a mean streak and then comments on them positively– how it’s cute that her teeth aren’t perfect etc. He also makes her to comment positively on her other traits like kindness and intelligence and her skills. He works his ASS off to be a safe space for her, to keep his temper at bay and be as gentle as he can physically manage. To you know, not be Billy the Asshole with her at least. It gets easier with time as it becomes more natural for him to allow himself to be open and gentle.

Eventually she feels safe to really open up to him and he shares his own home issues with her so she doesn’t feel alone, so she knows that he gets it. He’s very gentle about urging her to eat just a little more (he kisses her hair and murmurs “just one more carrot for me baby”) but doesn’t get on her case if she can’t manage it. He distracts her from the need to purge or works her through talking about it or helps her find healthy things to do when it hits her. Whatever he can. He lets her know he’s here for her, that he’s not judging, that he gets it and that if she needs him he’s here.

He becomes her backbone until she can finally let herself use her own. Contradicting her mother every time she makes a comment about Chrissy’s looks/weight (because you know she can’t keep her mouth shut even in public/in front of a “guest”). And he does it with the “no nonsense I’m a hardass” tone he has. That’s his fucking girlfriend you’re talking about bitch, no one talks bad about his fucking girlfriend (Billy’s possessive to the point he puts himself higher on the list than his partner’s mother? it’s more likely than you think!). He includes Chrissy in his calculations on what he’s gonna need when he moves out because the second she’s 18 he’s getting her the fuck out of there and he doesn’t take no for an answer on it. Momentarily taking advantage of her doormat nature and his own naturally intimidating vibes? Sure. But even Chrissy admits later she needed the kick in the ass. Her mother was abusive but a known element, leaving home is new and scary and unknown and Chrissy had so little faith in herself she didn’t think she could survive leaving until she was forced to. Then she realized how much better life was.

That’s likely when she really starts to make the most progress because she’s so much freer to make choices and already feels much braver having made such a big step. Plus she has Billy at her back as a safety net, she can take risks and be brave because she knows he’s there to catch her and her increasing confidence helps her believe that she really is good enough as is. If at all possible she’d ideally get professional help as well and he’d help her with that too but that’s all very determined by like, finances and shit.

I could probably go on more but this is already Very Long soooo

i know you are one of few who ship billy/chrissy and i was wondering if you have any hc's of billy helping chrissy through her eating disorder? part of me also believes that billy has issues with his body and possibly has an eating disorder himself to some degree.

meant to reply to this last night but i went insane and detoured sorry my bad

it's my sacred duty to champion the cunningrove agenda so happy to get into this shit! I’ll also preface this with saying I don’t really have personal experience with these topics, I’m working off of knowledge from osmosis and research so if anything feels incorrect, off or bullshity that would be why and I apologize for that rip.

first off I think Billy is skirting what would be considered a more clinical issue. He engages in problematic eating habits but ones that are more "acceptable" like strict dieting (as much as he can with Neil dictating the menu and pantry), fasting for weight loss, ignoring certain foods in favor of others because they're better for bulking up regardless of his nutritional needs etc. I think you're right that Billy has body issues. I think there's room on how you want to interpret them though and I pick whichever I think makes the most sense for what I'm working on at the moment. I think the two main options are:

Billy has been put down so much, including comments about his appearance growing up, that he struggles to see himself as attractive as he is and works on himself as a means of gaining control somewhere in his life and making himself feel better.

Billy knows he looks good and is confident in his looks. He is obsessive about his appearance and maintaining it because it's something he can control and it's something that cannot be easily taken from him that he can take pride in. It's a way to both express himself and make himself feel better. His body is the only thing he really has that’s undeniably his.

I think it's also very important to note that with the escalation of the AIDS crisis there were shifts in the queer and straight communities about what was the most attractive look for a man (the shift was more notable in the queer community tho). In the 70s men like Bowie who were thinner and androgynous had much more sway on the mass concept of sex appeal but with AIDS being a wasting disease there was reignited interest in the whole virile macho man look. I see Billy very much as bisexual which would make him sadly one of the most vulnerable groups to hate on all sides. Billy’s father already has a very stunted, toxic and traditional view on masculinity which already emphasizes a malformed version of the virile masculine man. Not to mention the desire to bulk up and get strong so no one else can make him feel weak or helpless ever again.

So it’s all just this big cocktail of shit on his end, a lot of it just simmering there likely never to be directly confronted due to the differences in how these issues are treated between men and women.

I think walking into Hawkins Billy has more aware of eating disorders than most guys his age (or maybe even people in town idk) because he’s from a bigger city and knew more girls. I wrote elsewhere in one cunningrove that one girl at his school got taken away in an ambulance because she’d passed out from starvation at school. Billy used to be more keyed into girl world than the other guys back in San Diego (for dating/sex reasons let’s not give him TOO much credit lol) so it’s something he has this kind of vague passing understanding of eating disorders as it is.

Her eating disorder is frankly one of the reasons he probably started seriously paying attention to her/spending time with her. At first he paid attention to her because she was hot and he was planning out his socio-political moves to cement his place as the new king around town. But then he noticed how she’d bail mysteriously after she had a big/decent sized lunch but didn’t after tiny/nonexistent ones and how when not in her cheer uniform all her clothes are on the baggy and covering end-- as much as she can get away with at least.

Billy has no faith in others. He firmly believes that no one will ever come and help you, that you have to do it yourself if you want it done. So he knows that even if someone other than him has noticed she’s probably got a problem here they’re not gonna do shit to help. It doesn’t sit well with him, she’s probably one of the nicest people in town it shouldn’t take her needing to be hospitalized for people to realize she needs help. So he takes it on himself. Because fuck that shit. Billy doesn’t know how to be just friends with girls though, this is literally isn’t a skill or mentality he allowed to develop growing up so he dates her. He woos and seduces her and officially gets her under his wing of protection and into the space he’s socially allowed to like... Feel Anything In.

One of the first things he does (with out her knowledge ofc) is go at look up books on eating disorders. Billy’s smart and knows he’s out of his depth and not interested in talking out his ass and making it worse. There’s likely not a lot on how to like, help your loved ones in those books though, just the technical jargon. So he tries to put himself in her shoes and figure out what he/Chrissy would want-- which ofc seeing has he does in fact have a certain amount of body issues himself is uh, easier than anticipated lol.

One of the things he does is just tell her often how pretty she is, in different ways and phrasings so if one doesn’t land the next will. He picks out all her flaws with the seasoned eye of a man with a mean streak and then comments on them positively-- how it’s cute that her teeth aren’t perfect etc. He also makes her to comment positively on her other traits like kindness and intelligence and her skills. He works his ASS off to be a safe space for her, to keep his temper at bay and be as gentle as he can physically manage. To you know, not be Billy the Asshole with her at least. It gets easier with time as it becomes more natural for him to allow himself to be open and gentle.

Eventually she feels safe to really open up to him and he shares his own home issues with her so she doesn’t feel alone, so she knows that he gets it. He’s very gentle about urging her to eat just a little more (he kisses her hair and murmurs “just one more carrot for me baby”) but doesn’t get on her case if she can’t manage it. He distracts her from the need to purge or works her through talking about it or helps her find healthy things to do when it hits her. Whatever he can. He lets her know he’s here for her, that he’s not judging, that he gets it and that if she needs him he’s here.

He becomes her backbone until she can finally let herself use her own. Contradicting her mother every time she makes a comment about Chrissy’s looks/weight (because you know she can’t keep her mouth shut even in public/in front of a “guest”). And he does it with the “no nonsense I’m a hardass” tone he has. That’s his fucking girlfriend you’re talking about bitch, no one talks bad about his fucking girlfriend (Billy’s possessive to the point he puts himself higher on the list than his partner’s mother? it’s more likely than you think!). He includes Chrissy in his calculations on what he’s gonna need when he moves out because the second she’s 18 he’s getting her the fuck out of there and he doesn’t take no for an answer on it. Momentarily taking advantage of her doormat nature and his own naturally intimidating vibes? Sure. But even Chrissy admits later she needed the kick in the ass. Her mother was abusive but a known element, leaving home is new and scary and unknown and Chrissy had so little faith in herself she didn’t think she could survive leaving until she was forced to. Then she realized how much better life was.

That’s likely when she really starts to make the most progress because she’s so much freer to make choices and already feels much braver having made such a big step. Plus she has Billy at her back as a safety net, she can take risks and be brave because she knows he’s there to catch her and her increasing confidence helps her believe that she really is good enough as is. If at all possible she’d ideally get professional help as well and he’d help her with that too but that’s all very determined by like, finances and shit.

I could probably go on more but this is already Very Long soooo

it’s southside time with the obsessive amateur philosopher, besties!!!

basic stats !

Full name: Emir Eldar Erdogan

Date of birth: October 23rd, 1976

Zodiac big three: Scorpio sun, Virgo moon, Taurus rising

Gender & pronouns: Cis man & he/him

Sexual orientation: Bisexual

Education: Final year at CCU (Philosophy)

Enneagram: 5w4

MBTIi: INxJ

Temperament: Melancholic

Moral alignment: True Neutral

Various inspirations: ...a character I played in 2020...

background !

triggers: implied abuse, briefly mentioned homicide attempt, a lot of toxic masculinity fahsdlj

Emir was born in Istanbul, Turkey... but you would be hard-pressed to find anyone with that knowledge who wasn’t his own Father (with a capital ‘F’).

Shortly after Emir’s birth, word came in from one of his Father’s associates that a location in the USA, the South Side of Cherry, had become a prime spot for business. Thus, his Father stole him away!

Naturally, Emir grew up with little knowledge of his mother. He connected to her culture through activities such as reading through the Qur’an, the Holy Book of a religion that his Father had abandoned in the name of power long ago. Moreover, this expanded his world. The tragic and clichéd story of ‘the kid raised on the wrong side of the tracks’ would not apply to Emir, a fondness for classical music, Camus, Dostoevsky... 

To back up, it was not long after the move from Istanbul to Cherry’s Southside that his Father had a daughter with another woman. It as as though his Father had been able to predict it, the way he seemed to observe Emir’s protective nature over his sister as something that solidified his worth as a man. Willing to kill or be killed, he would be an excellent leader -- an excellent successor. His Father’s contact had made a wise decision putting him in touch with the seedy underbelly of that sweet California town.

“Don’t life the veil, Emir. Keep them under the illusion of happiness.” What was underneath the veil, what Emir was able to witness while sitting in on meetings between the big dogs, did not trump his own illusion. Happiness anywhere outside of the Southside... he couldn’t picture it.

When his Father began talking about expansion with the other two, all the possibilities changed. Everything they would lose if they were to succeed in their expansion, a community that would cease to exist, love that would disperse... Emir knew, logically, that that was the best way to go. Financially and territorially speaking, it was the next great move. But he was a cursed man: he could never choose between head and heart, and his heart told him that he should do whatever he, in his limited ability, could to put a stop to it.

Rifts between himself and his Father became more common than ever. He had always known he was meant to be a blank slate for him, that some greater purpose was being written out, but he no longer cared for it. He cared for his home. But what could he do? How much could he really accomplish? How much of his life would be fate and how much would be free-will? Who dictated fate? Who chose free-will? Which spell had he fallen under? It became an obsession.

There was a moment that he believed he would do one thing or another: execute free-will, or become the master of fate. The underground slid a small bottle of cyanide into his hands, and he poured just enough cyanide into his Father’s drink at one of the meetings. He had had it with the violence at home, most man when he threw the punch. He had had it with the man’s blatant disregard for everyone but himself. He needed to do something...

But fate caused him to trip, or free-will prevented him from serving it.

Thus, Emir now must grapple with the expansion plans. As he tries to ignore the begging to go against his Father’s wishes, as he prepares to ‘integrate’ into Cherry Proper, he must hope his Father is the designator of fate. Free-will begs him to stop the charade, to sabotage it. Fate tells him there is nothing he can do. What is a man to do when posed an impossible question?

[ @the-gray-maiden asked: ]

3. has your muse been mainly attracted to men, women, non-binary people, another identity not specified, or an even split?

SALEM.

She is at least two hundred million years old and immortal and the original sin and her creators annihilated the last world and shattered the moon to spite her. Her gender no longer exists in any meaningful sense because the Ruakhian conception of "grimm" as a gender category has been erased from the historical record. Ozma is the only lover she's ever had because she is inescapably aware of being older than dirt and one step shy of unknowably eldritch.

OZMA.

Ozma is a hopeless romantic who exists in a perpetual state of being spiritually drawn and quartered by a divine curse and they're coping with not being with Salem by being with Salem but in a "fated enemies" way. They inherited every other romantic partnership they've ever had from their hosts, and also see their ex-wife every time they look at a grimm. They don't know what a gender is and at this point they're too afraid to ask.

SUMMER.

She does not know how to be friends with someone without also being a little in love with them. Summer would tell you that she's never been in love with anyone, and then say the most blindingly romantic shit you've ever heard about her friends. She's confused aromantic bisexual noises all the way down.

OSCAR.

He is fifteen and never felt much in the way of romantic attraction to anybody prior to leaving home, which makes Ruby his first crush—not that he's actually identified that feeling as such yet.

CINDER.

She associates upper-class femininity with power and very much has her wires crossed in regard to envy and attraction, in that she cannot differentiate between the feeling of sexual attraction or romantic interest and the feeling of coveting power, whether real or perceived. Under her myriad layers of toxic femininity and gender anxiety and gender dysphoria, she's attracted to gender-nonconforming women.

WATTS.

His one true love is being left alone to write code in peace.

ELAH.

He prefers women but he isn't especially particular; like Salem, his relationship to gender harkens back to a very different culture—as a human-passing faunus born in Mantle decades before the Great War, Elah was influenced quite strongly by the faunus-separatist movements of the time and regards "human woman" and "faunus woman" as discrete genders. His romantic and sexual interest does not extend to humans.

HENRIETTA.

She is utterly indifferent.

BLAKE.

Gender does not figure into her attraction to people whatsoever; she's attracted to people whose character she admires—to virtue, honesty, and a strong sense of justice.

ADAM.

Blake was his first love and—in part because what drew them together in the first place was a shared love of romantic stories, and in part because his sense of self depended on being perceived as a heroic archetype—he came to believe that she was his only true love. That belief decayed into obsessive hatred after she left him and it became clear that she wouldn't come back.

SIENNA.

She likes men, although romance has always been a distant consideration of hers—not that Sienna is uninterested in the possibility of romantic partnership, but she's comfortable being alone and it isn't something she feels inclined to go out and look for.

ILIA.

Blake was her first serious crush, although she had plenty of fleeting crushes on other girls in her school before the collapse killed her parents. She's never had any interest in boys.

thread count: 3 | drafted: 3 | posted: 0/3 | replies: thursday

The Basics ~

name: tuncay ‘cay’ aslan çelik 

dob: august 21st, 1987

sun&moon: leo&cancer

occupation: interior architect / celik design CEO

birthplace: adana, turkey

legal residence: east haven, vermont

gender identity: cisgender

pronouns: he/him

orientation: bisexual / biromantic

status: openly married

family: mehmet çelik (father), sevda çelik (mother), amman ulusoy (ex-partner - deceased), tbd çelik (husband), mehtap çelik (daughter - 12), ayah çelik (daughter - 3), minnoş (german shepherd).

Possible Connections~

business partners ~ while his best friend is his main business partner, Tuncay likes to dip his toes into promising adventures in many areas of the business world. He mainly focuses on architecture but enjoys the idea of providing affordable and sustainable housing to people. Your character could be a fellow architect, they could be currently working together on a build, they could work for or with him in any capacity. Perhaps, they only know of each other in the business world.

friends ~ Tuncay is career focused and likes to surround himself with like-minded people but he also loves meeting people with different perspectives and opinions than he has. He tends to listen more than speak and grows protective over the people that he harbours fondness for. Most of his friendships have been surface level up until this point in his life, whether they are old friends or new budding ones, your character may find it difficult to delve deeper into a friendship with him or very easy depending on the situation.

childhood friends

ex-partners / current partners

neighbours

pet-sitters / walkers

live-in nanny

assistant

Personality ~

positive traits: driven, philanthropic, kind, respectful, honest, family oriented, open-minded, critical, quick witted, playful.

negative traits: apathetic, blunt, sarcastic, noncommittal, over-protective, judgemental, critical, reckless, closed off, difficult, aggressive.

likes: learning, traveling, reading, music, exercise, health and nutrition, psychology, language, working, dark chocolate.

dislikes: disrespect (towards himself and others), feeling suffocated, itchy fabric, boredom, slow movement, small spaces, dull knives, disorganization, sleep.

hobbies: cooking, writing, pottery, volunteering, drawing, painting.

The biography ~

tw: transmissible disease (hiv), medical issues, partner death, brief mentions of internalized homophobia/toxic masculinity, fertility issues, infidelity, pregnancy/surrogacy, PTSD, Grief, and abandonment issues.

   Affluence by default was the expectation for the first-born and only son of Mehmet and Sevda Çelik, a power couple of the Turkish high society. Mehmet, the heir of a chain of international hotels and Sevda, a fierce fashion designer held preconceived notions about the little boy who had changed their eternity of fertility issues. For a while after his birth, these preconceived notions were their reality, however, the undertone of Sevda’s concern for her son’s late blooming clouded some of the joy that she felt in being a mother. Tuncay didn’t crawl until 10 months, couldn’t stand for long periods of time until 22 months, and when he finally walked, his gait was wobbly and abnormal. Physicians assured them that their son was perfectly healthy, that he was simply a strong-willed boy who didn’t want to follow traditional standards. 

It was late in the afternoon when he was three that things went awry. He had gone to bed early, had slept through the night and into the early hours of the morning but he was difficult to wake, lethargic, his fever so high that after refusing to eat his breakfast, he had start convulsing in the middle of the garden, attended to by one of the landscapers. It was at this moment that all of Sevda’s worries became reality. Her healthy baby boy was reduced to nothing, a consistent patient of the pediatric ward for two more years before her own medical emergency made them understand exactly what was going on with her child. 

She had passed HIV to her son unknowingly. 

Although putting a name to the reason that her son had gotten so sick in a rapid manner was a relief, the guilt that she felt for being the cause of it made it difficult for her to truly enjoy her son’s health when it finally came. After a couple of years of medication therapy and when Tuncay was old enough to understand his condition, Sevda was happy to learn that Tuncay, instead of hating her, started to open up to her more. They became closer than ever, made a routine of their medical upkeep, and in his teenage years, didn’t quite fall out as often as most teenagers and their parents did. 

Moving abroad to Germany for university was harder than he thought. Although he saw his parents more often than most kids, being away from his parents affected him more than he supposed it affected his parents. As difficult as the change in culture, language, and society was, he found it fun and interesting and studying made it easy. What wasn’t easy, however, was meeting Amman Ulusoy, a Turkish-born student from Canada. Their ideas clashed, their cultural morals were vastly different, but their opinions on business, life, and art was where chemistry was born. Tuncay didn’t make it easy, his attitude toward his sexuality screamed internalized homophobia and Amman called him out every time that it came up. 

He worked through it for years before he finally accepted him as a partner. By that time, they had spent so much time together that they decided not to wait - they got married in Canada, moved to Vancouver after graduation, and talked about children. Sevda was glad despite her apprehension, Mehmet became distant so as not to offend his son with his ignorance and even though he struggled, even though in the present day, he still made comments that made the architect internally cringe, his effort in acceptance was the most important thing for Tuncay. 

Mehtap, their first daughter, was the consequence of a slight misalignment between Amman and Tuncay. His infidelity weighed heavily on him for a long time after Amman passed away from an accident on the scene of one of their new constructions. Mehtap’s mother decided that it would be best for their daughter to live with her father, her intention being that having an infant to focus on would help him through the grief that came with the loss of Amman and it worked for the most part; the only issue was the distraction of tending to his daughter kept the grief away. 

He moved back to Istanbul very quickly afterward, hoping that being near his family would help ease some of the pain, he started treating life as if it was normal but once again, he used the distraction of building his own architecture company as a way to prolong dealing with the grief of losing his partner. 

There was something about grief that made his art better.

He gained notoriety, his designs were admired, his opinions were sought after, and when an opportunity to take his work to the U.S came up, he decided that he was ready to face his demons head on; they had always talked about living in the mountains and raising their children there, whether those mountains were in Canada, Turkey, or anywhere else on the planet they felt drawn toward.

And as if the universe was playing with him, while designing the project that he'd been brought in specifically for - he met a man who saw his demons and still took his hand with the excuse that they would face all of them together. The unfortunate bit was that losing his first husband created a lot of problems for him; he'd grown over-protective, anxious, and when their daughter came into the picture, it got even worse.

Okay, this will be probably long and with many errors (my english isn´t very good) But I saw several posts here on Lokius tag, talking about this ship as result of gay fetish, and about non existing chemistry and  how this ship doesn´t make sense etc… And from what I understood there is tagged Lokius because of genuine interest to understand others point of view, so here is mine: I wil try to explain where my frustration comes from, and how I feel about Lokius, Sylkie, AND representation + some other things which I saw here somewhere. But first of all: I like Sylvie, I don´t hate sylkie shipers, and after so many years reading fan fictions, I don´t mind selfcest – I read weirder things. I have some issues with this ship (the mainlythe fact that it isn´t Lokius), but  this is not one of them. Also, I am not about to tell anyone, they shouldn´t ship sylkie.Ship whatever. And I LOVED the show as a whole. 

I just want to defend my standpoint, that Lokius does make sense, people shipping it does make sense and whether it will happen or not, (I don´t have my hopes very high, and I learned to be very skeptical in this regard ) it is more than just about crack ship, or fetish. I´m honestly blown away that people are still surprised that this ship became a thing :D First of all, let´s look at some romantic story telling and tropes: I mean the way they introduced them in the first two episodes set the tone for all series and how the heck this isn´t romantic? Somehow there are all these romantic tropes existing in a show. They´re just there. Just chilling between Loki and Mobius and large portion of audience can´t even see them. (and some of those tropes were used for Sylki as well, so you could actually see them side by side)

For example: 1) traveling to the apocalypsis 2) breaking law/rules for the other 3) literally changing for the better thanks to the other 4) arguing like old married couple 5) saying secrets, personal things to the other 6) sharing glances, touches, visibly being happy around each other - in case of Loki happier then we´ve ever seen him before 7) being completely themselfs around each other 8) One knowing everything (even the worst) about other and still accepting him completely 9) teasing, being comfortable and domestic around each other 10) one being literally enthusiastic FAN of the other 11) Mobius defending Loki whenever he has a chance 12) Freaking amnesia trope that they pulled of in the end??? (It could be different Mobius, but point is he suddenly doesn´t know him - and Loki knows more, in contrast with the beggining) 13) the jealousy in ep4 14) Misunderstanding - when Mobius thought Loki betrayed him and Loki (thanks to Ravonna) thought Mobius betrayed him... 15) witnessing death of the other and being absolutely broken afterwards 16) The goodbye hug with romantic music in the backround 17) Saving life of the one (even when it means problems for the other ) - like Mobius saved Loki´s ass at least three times when he was trying to stop others from pruning him. 18) sharing deep conversations about meanings of life, freedom and how it would be fun to make some chaos and ride that fucking jet ski!!! 19) Inspiring the other 20) looking for each other (Mobius didn´t believe for a second, that Loki would die in the Void and the way how in the last minutes of the series Loki run through all places they were together when he was looking for Mobius... and I could go on. Point is, even if they are not planning to make Lokius canon, all these things are used on a daily basis to describe romance in media and they are used here. On top of that it´s just very poetic and cute, that this drama queen and powerful god of Asgard who looked down on people would find his match in someone, who is so quiet, ordinary on the first sight, and basically is just human from 90s, who loves jet skis. Mobius can´t even fight. But is highly inteligent and he also happen to be as good manipulator, such as Loki himself. - That´s why they work together so well. Mobius sees right through him and once Loki understands that, he drops his evil persona. Almost nobody expected to ship it for real. But story itself and chemistry between them just made it probably the most exciting duo in the whole MCU. And I mean it genuinely. Third episode, even though it was beautiful and Sophie was great in it (and is literally dipped in bisexual colors), is the least favorite for a reason. And that reason being, there is no interaction between Loki and Mobius whatsoever. Lot´s of people though that series slowed down a bit. Even when in fact there was more action, then when we watched Loki and Mobius working at the TVA.

(and let´s just talk about evil!Mobius narative for a bit and how some people say he is manipulative and toxic for Loki: show itself explore heavy themes and one of them is in Loki´s line: no one bad is ever truly bad and no one good is ever truly good. And as a theme in a fictional world, it is working as it should, for the  story. When Loki and Mobius meet, one of them just killed lots of innocent people and destroyed almost whole city. The other one is a part of fascist organization – and in the beginning of the series they both believe what they´re doing is right. They´re both bad, they´re both good, they´re both broken. And they are changing with the help of the other.) From all reactions I watched - and there was many of them, lots of people actually didn´t see dynamic between Loki and Sylvie as romantic in the third episode. So it´s not like Sylvie and Loki had unequivocally love story right from the start.

The only difference is that lots of people won´t see romantic tropes, when it comes to two men in a mainstream show – show that isn´t primarily about relationships and problems that queer people has to face. Because in super hero story and science fiction we have to warn audience, that they´re about to watch two man in love, right? At this point It´s just frustrating really. There were many M/M dynamics that used similar story line, as for example Lucifer, or X-files, or Bone collectors. -  But unlike those M/M pairings, no one was making fun of people for shipping main characters in these shows. But when it comes to two men suddenly you´ll see from all corners of the internet: “why can´t it be just platonic?” “There is not enough platonic relationships” “why can´t two man just be friends?” (They can and they almost ALWAYS are) and “if you think there something romantic between them, you´re delusional” “fetishist“ “And for god´s sake just let them be friends, Loki needs a friend more then....” oh wait, but Sylvie is allowed to kiss him. Sylvie doesn´t have to be just friend. (And I must say, that I love Sylvie, I liked most of the interactions between her and Loki and I think she is a great character ((I hope we learn more about her in the future)) it just doesn´t work for me as well as Loki´s dynamic with Mobius. Maybe partly because of chemistry between actors, partly because combination of characters and they´re personality and also because I had two whole episodes to fall in love with the pair before Sylvie was even introduced.)

First of all: people can be friends and then evolve into lovers. Not only it is common romantic trope, but it is also the most realistic one. And those relationships are usually strongest. second: If people want to see Loki in a platonic friendship so desperately, why can´t it be a woman for a change? They were acting like chaotic siblings for most of the episode three anyway. The age gap aspect is also very funny. Owen is only about 12 years older (That is not that much. But I imagine, some people would get uncomfortable. But If it was man and woman, most of them wouldn´t even blinked. But two men, that has to be somehow automatically son and father figure dynamic) And If you want to dive into age of an actual characters, then good luck with that in a series about gods, variants and time travel. Almost nobody cares about age gap between Lucifer and detective Decker, or Bella and Edward. On top of that, it was heavily implied, that Loki slept with older, silver haired guy in Ragnarok, so it´s not like he would have problem with that.

Different standards are projected in a way how we see romantic dynamics between fictional characters depends on what we are used to, how are we perceiving world around us, what we are expecting to see and ALSO, what we would like to see, that much is true.  When people are used to make no differences between heterosexual and homosexual pairing, then everything what happens to the characters is measured with the same meter. (Even though I experienced queerbaiting many times (( Once upon a time, Sherlock, Supernatural, Good Omens – the last one hopefully is not the case, but I guess we´ll see)) I also saw lots of lgbt shows like Queer as folks and Sense8.) And when we are not used to see it the same way, well… then it looks basically like that one comment under Castiel´s “I love you” scene on youtube, that said  “what a beautiful friendship”.

If we forget about all that chaotic mess behind the scenes (all those articles and contrary messages)  What is happening in a show between Loki and Mobius can be objectively considered romantic and what is happening between Loki and Sylvie in a series can be objectively considered platonic (until the kiss) and vice versa.  And then to see comments about how absurd it is to even think they have chemistry, and about gay fetish - it´s hard to swallow. I read posts about absurdity of a ship and how there is absolutely nothing that would suggests romance.  Well there is, actually. But whether creators are going to work with it or not, that´s something we can only speculate. They already made Loki officially bisexual. So why should it be so absurd to assume, that there is an actual possibility of romantic subplot between Loki and Mobius? Oh right… it´s Disney and Marvel we are talking about.

So on a subject of bisexuality: Bi people can date whoever they want.  But It is a little frustrating, when there is so many heterosexual pairings in the mcu and disney but when there is a promise of lgbt character (speaking of endgame) we get one line about date from a man we´ll never see again. And when there is a promise of lgbt representation you can´t even blink during movie, or you´ll miss it (Star wars, Beauty and the beast). And then Loki said “A bit of both, I suspect the same as you”. And I won´t lie, I was happy. And I think creators made biggest step yet with this one line (which is honestly terrible, that “a bit of both” coming from Loki of all people, is the biggest step forward.) But they played it VERY safe. Obviously, both Loki, and Sylvie are bisexuals, and in three episodes, we had Loki flirting with female flight attendant, Sylvie talking about her relationship with POSTMAN and then they fall for each other. So the only thing that suggests they are really as bi as Lamentis 1 is that little sentence, that can be edited out, or easily overheard. It´s the bare minimum. And I think that frustration with how freaking slowly we´re moving into some progress is understandable. From all those great M/M dynamics I talked about, those, that could make great love story, nothing happened, because too many people “don´t mind gays but don´t need to look at them” or are scared for their children. In 2021.

It is not a fetish to wish for a gay love story in superhero movies/series. (But anyway, I don´t think there is anything bad about it. Some men like to watch lesbian porn, some woman like to read gay porn. AO3 wouldn´t be were it is today, without people reading and writing slash :D – but that has little to do with what we actually see on tv)

I´m not delusional. As much, as I love these two characters together, I know how little chance it has.  I´m not delusional. I´m just in the future, old and tired, waiting hundreds of years for at least one of my OTP to finaly become a fucking canon.

One of the ex radfems i remember is femonade. She ended up doompilled and dropped it because it was too painful and pointless in her eyes. Discyours is another ex radfem, so is femaledirk. Tho the last two still have active blogs unlike femo. I think it's really annoying how many rf bloggers feign igorance over mirroring poor or culty attitudes because they always want to feel superior to tras, and in their eyes, you're bringing them to their level, and it makes em wince

I don't know anything about any of them, but the only active blog that I can see is @femaledirk. (I'm not going to claim that I know all of the background there or all of the beliefs, but I've had a short read through the blog.)

This is basically why I describe myself as a radical bifeminist, a personal and unique branch of feminism without the same built-in toxicity, because unlike what is basically passing as radical feminism in general right now is a mess. It's worrying just how many bullies are attracted to calling themselves "radfems," especially those that are faux-intellectuals who twist and turn to be as cruel as possible.

Other women and I want actual women's liberation, which is complicated and messy and requires a huge amount of nuance and understanding that there's no one-size-fits-all, with spaces needed for actual venting etc, but misogyny, biphobia and ableism run rampant. Racism is just as rampant too, although it's less sneering and slurs but turning individual groups of WOC's issues invisible, or discounting them entirely like they mean nothing to a kind of rigid, US-centric rubbish one second, and the next being, "We need feminism because look at what's happening to WOC in these other parts of the world" as a shield.

I don't think that that was made as apparent to me fully until after two separate incidents. One was an attack when I posted studies that showed evidence of how bisexual women were oppressed in the real world, and the automatic response was this presumption that it's merely a white problem. Suddenly, every bisexual WOC was erased, which was just stunning to me, considering we know about intersectionality, and bisexual WOC are in unique positions because of the intersection of being female, being bisexual, and their specific racial issues. The second was discussing how women showing attraction to men in certain cultures was taboo, which makes it harder for some bisexual WOC to come to terms with their attraction to men and express their attraction to men, which was then immediately dismissed as a non-issue, like it was nothing but some laughable kind of "heterophobia," because of that white, US-centric lens.

The fact that issues like this are so blatantly obvious and no one speaks about it, but instead mostly accept it and then perpetuate it, and then have the audacity to mindlessly repeat "I want liberation for all women" is nothing short of an insult.

Maybe this is unfair of me, I genuinely do not care, but I get the most angry when it comes to women who claim that they're "radfems" because they have the tools and the knowledge and the critical thinking skills to say, "Can we talk about this?" but they choose not to, and would rather hide in the cruel herd instead. There's no excuse.

It's just completely, genuinely fucked, and then there's also the audacity to claim that it's only men stopping women's class consciousness. Well, gee, I wonder what about all the women and the women's experiences that are dismissed as unimportant and then silenced by the one group that's supposed to specifically "love" women and "want women's liberation" constantly shitting on women and enjoying nothing more than being "superior" to other women?

Romance Comics for Adults

I love comics, and lately I’ve enjoyed mature looks on romance and relationships without it being bubbly high school drama with misunderstandings littering the plot and stories that really examine what it means to be in a relationship.

Unlucky in love Edith is strugglin when it comes to her adult life.  She has few friends and is struggling financially as a romance novelist.  Her love problems stem from trying to find Mr. Perfect which she believes comes in the form of Jack, a childhood crush that barely noticed her when she was a child.  Then she meets Phillip, a bad boy model who understands her more than any man ever had.

It’s a love triangle romance, but it really focuses on deep issues like open communication between partners, struggling financially as an adult, and dealing with past trauma like being bullied as a child. 

Status:  Currently ongoing! 

Imagine a society where a dating app which decides your match via the similarities in finger prints decides everything for you.  Your career, success, education, and even health care!  Beatrice ‘Bea’ Torres has ambitions of being of the first scientists to work on a mars colony, however in order to get the money to further her education out of the country, she has to register at LUFF to see how high her match score is.

Much to her surprise and to everyone, not only is her match at a high score of 97%, but has TWO matches with the same score!  

Yes, this is definitely a love triangle set up, but there is much depth to it.  It explores why people rush into romance while having an independent female lead who is more focused on her career goals than falling in love.  It also has a dystopia society where people with low scores struggle with jobs, finances, and healthcare while the lofty high scores who use their numbers for elitism.  

It also has an interesting side story of a lesbian forced into matching with a male partner to get the money for her mother’s healthcare.  

My only comment is that it ends rather quickly.  I think there could have been more story to tell, but it does tie up all loose ends by the last panels.

Status:  Finished!  Had it’s series finale today!

I love this webtoon.  The artwork is beautiful and the characters are third dimensional and endearing.  It’s a modern take of the Greek Myth, Hades’ taking of Persephone.  

Hades, God of the Underworld, lives a lonely life as a social outcast among his peers and is trapped in a toxic relationship with a nymph.  Until he meets bright, bubbly college student Persephone, the young Goddess of Spring.  It’s the most unlikely of matches, but it has the most chemistry out of any romance I’ve seen in comics!  And it’s not just Hades and Persephone stories, other gods have their own stories told about their own relationships.    

It’s an adult take on falling in love between an older man and a younger woman (don’t worry, it’s nothing illegal, Persephone is 19 years old).  Also, it takes on the themes of toxic relationships, sexual assault, trauma, and communication.

Status:  Still ongoing!

Beatrice ‘Bea’ Rosario needs a date for her sister’s wedding pronto!  Her ex-girlfriend is going to be there and she can’t possibly show up without a date of her own!  With no other choice, she summons a demon, makes a deal with him to attend the wedding as her date.  Unfortunately, he tricked her into overlooking a clause in the contract.  He’s her roommate until her heart has been fulfilled.  

What begins as a hilarious romance romp, soon becomes a story of a depressed woman trying to find her way in the world.  There’s some heavy punches in this comic I was no expecting.  And it hits pretty close to home for me sometimes.  

What I love about this webcomic is Bea is a bisexual plus size woman who is NEVER EVER told to lose weight to find happiness.  There is one scene where a date tells her to ‘pick a side’ and he is quickly shut down for his rudeness and shortsighted views.   

Discusses themes of mental health, bisexuality, toxicity from both family and partners.  There’s a love triangle, but it serves as a contrast between a supportive partner and an abusive one.  

Status:  Ongoing! 

Julian Bashir Playlist Time!!

Apple Music playlist (if you're a heathen and subscribe to apple music like me) here

I know that there's plenty of people making playlists, but I really feel like this is an under-utilized brand of fan content. Instead of attempting to create a list of songs that Julian would listen to, or a playlist of songs which were all lyrically directly applicable (though there certainly some of those in here) regardless of genre, I tried to create something which captured, above all, his vibes instead, by choosing songs that balance at least somewhat relevant lyrical content with the energy or feel that I associate with the character. What it means matters, but not as much as how it makes you feel. That said, I signed up for apple music and read a TON of those overwrought iTunes store album review descriptions while I was making this, so I have a whole lot to say about all my choices here. In depth explanation of my symbolism and methodology behind each song under the keep reading. (I love tumblr. I want to write 1,000 words of analysis about why I picked songs to represent Julian Bashir and some of you are gonna read it. This is where I get to pretend to be one of those iTunes music writers. I feel joy.)

Good Morning - Two Door Cinema Club TDCC's Gameshow is high on my favorite albums of all time list for nebulous reasons I myself don't really understand. It was this album, though not this song (but one that will pop up later) that actually inspired me to make this playlist to begin with, as for some reason, from the color scheme of the album cover, to the overall vibe, to the ever-present references to illness, injury, surgery and healers in the lyrics, the whole thing feels inescapably Julian to me. And with an opening like I'm a sinner/I'm the victim/I'm an alien when I'm myself/I'm a healer/I'm a fixer/I'm a present danger to my health/I'm so strong/Doing what I'm supposed to do/ There's something wrong/With somebody like me, it's hard NOT to think about Julian when you hear this song, and I can't think of a better way to start this off.

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood I think there's a joke somewhere about bisexual people all liking Sweater Weather, and yeah, I resemble that remark. Sweater Weather is just good. You'll notice there's a sort of chill-indie-alt-electronic thing going here, and that is very much the vibe I'm sticking with. Sweater Weather slots in beautifully, both sonically and thematically. As the singer looks to warm and protect the person he's with from the cold, you can't help but feel a loving coziness coming off of this one. It always makes me feel cozy, at least, so it's here.

Gooey - Glass Animals I have nothing to analyze here because the artists themselves have said that the lyrics of this song have no meaning, they're just meant to capture a vibe, and capture it they do. Close your eyes and ride the vibes of this one. The energy is right, I love it, it belongs here.

Blue - Mika I could probably write a couple hundred words on Blue alone, in any context. This might be my beloved Mika's magnum Opus. Opening the song with the inherently counterintuitive lyric Blue is a feminine color, Mika manages to pack it ALL into this 3 minute song: questions about gender; concepts of sadness, joy, and their intersections; of the perception of melancholy as a flaw and loving people despite, or maybe because of, those "flaws" and anything else about them; a powerful first person reassurance that made me start weeping in my car the first time I heard it; just the phrase "why are humans cruel to you." And oh boy, ARE there questions of gender. Why is blue NOT considered a feminine color? Is that a good thing, a bad thing? In 3 minutes of artful poetry, Mika manages to wrap up sadness, love, joy, pain, the feminine that exists within the masculine and the masculine that exists within the feminine, in the simple color of blue and then, in one lyric, validates it all. And on a much simpler and more obvious note, this is in fact all a philosophic musing on the symbolic meaning of the color we see Julian wearing almost all the time (when he's not in uniform, almost all his civvies are also shades of blue.) I feel like this is one of those songs that's hard to analyze because it does what music and poetry does best - communicate something that cannot be communicated any other way. With these broad themes of loving others around the things they can't love about themselves, you can decide for yourself if this one is coming FROM Julian or directed AT him, either works. I find myself struggling for exactly the words to explain this one, but listen to it; you'll understand.

Little Dark Age - MGMT Another choice with no obvious lyrical relevance, but the tonal fit was just too good to pass up. The vibes pass.

The City - The 1975 This song is one of several present because it leans on medical symbolism to get its point across, though I would be lying if I said I fully understood what that point was. But the entire second verse, apparently about the song's subject suffering from some kind of illness and reassuring him that the next one's the M.D./You'll be feeling just fine, seems somehow to transmit the discomfort of illness directly to the listener. I don't know how or why, but the effectiveness of the empathy the second half of this song elicits, in me at least, puts it squarely in the "odd medical vibes" category.

Surgery - Two Door Cinema Club THIS is the song that inspired this whole playlist, mostly because of its title and general vibe. Another example (of many) of medical/anatomical references in this album (another of the songs is called Fever, etc), this song just feels like Julian to me.

The Other Side Of Paradise - Glass Animals I really like Glass Animals. That is probably becoming obvious. Aside from its delightfully cohesive vibes, this song opens with what's simultaneously the slyest and most brazen gay lyric I have heard on the radio recently, as the male singer says When I was young and stupid my love left to be a rock and roll star/HE told me... The song seems to be about a man whose male lover left him in pursuit of fame and fortune, and eventually ends up with a woman, leaving the singer behind. It's got simultaneously subtle and obvious gay themes, it's got confused love affairs, it's got so much bisexual energy. I cannot think of anything that could be more Julian.

Sit Next To Me - Foster The People Kind of like Sweater Weather, this whole song is built around a rather cute and sweet "sit next to me," and you can't help but feel a bit warm and cozy when you listen to it. I think it pairs with sweater weather well, and slides in with the rest of the picks very nicely.

Nothing Better - The Postal Service (the original band of the lead singer of Death Cab For Cutie) Another example of heavy surgical symbolism, the very first lyric of this song is Will someone please call a surgeon. This is actually a duet, and the singers speak of their real hearts to represent their emotional ones. Something about Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures always gets me and always will. And it vibes good. It vibes so, so good.

&Run - Sir Sly Sir Sly's &Run is my favorite song for driving too fast. It does an amazing job of musical onomatopoeia, talking about running while making you want to run. It's a song about running out of plans and running as far as you can instead, which is all very "I'm illegal by definition so I went to the farthest possible reaches of space." And like everything else here, it just feels good. It's also one of the only highlights here that I can actually see Julian listening to.

Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine It's no coincidence that it seems like most of us who are invested in Julian Bashir are some flavor of genderqueer, be it trans, nonbinary, questioning, or something else entirely - the man's got a Gender with a capital G, and there's a whole lot going on in there. Between the words that were written for him on the page, and the words that were actually spoken, and the way he carries himself, Julian always seems caught between the white, western, and frequently toxic masculinity that the writers often seemed to want to imbue him with, and the very different, racially and culturally distinct masculinity Sid actually brought. But there's an undeniable element of the feminine in Julian too, at least by a traditional definition. The presence of this part of him at all, much less the fact that, in-universe, it's the more traditionally "feminine" parts of himself - the caregiving and nurturing aspects - that Julian seems proudest of or to like most about himself, is a large part of what makes his character so interesting, at least to me. So there was no way I was getting out of this without acknowledging that somehow, and I can't think of a better way to acknowledge a complicated relationship with the feminine side of one's own gender than with this world's own Celtic divine feminine, Florence Welch. I can't think of any better artist, at least that I know of, to represent femininity as a nonspecific ethereal goddess-concept. I basically spun the wheel of Florence here, as anything would have worked, but Cosmic Love felt very appropriate for a character who does in fact live in space. There could even be some Garashir in here, I think.

Dream Sweet In Sea Major - ミラクルミュージカル, or Miracle Musical, a sister act made up of members of Tally Hall I also couldn't leave off without acknowledging Julian's affection for classic lounge music, especially since it's the only thing about his taste in music that we actually know. But instead of tacking on some rat pack, instead I'm polishing this off with the incredibly chaotic and somehow also perfectly cohesive and calm Dream Sweet in Sea Major. It's got all of the vibes of a lounge singer but gone completely off the rails, which just seems perfect somehow. And it's also a very nice feeling to be left with, so it seems only right to put it at the end.

and if you've read all of this, I love you. Y'all didn't know I was this into music did you. but I am. oh boy. I AM.