There is something about Ash calling Eiji's sister cute but not seeing any pictures of her just assuming based off Eiji's looks and Eiji calling Ash "such a handsome blond American!" that does something to me.

FINALLY, ive finished 25% of exile, the second book in the kotlc series. here are some thoughts i had :)

tags: @aylin-hijabi, @that-multi-fandom-hijabi, @tastetherainbow290, @nerdy-girl3791 (im tagging everyone who asked to be tagged in my notes for book one, but lmk if you wanna be tagged too / dont wanna be tagged anymore)

first off, why are second books in a series always the ones that take the most time / are harder to start? ig it could be that we've already established the worldbuilding n main characters, but its still that dragging stage between *where you already know mostly everything in the universe* and *where the climax builds up in anticipation of the "final battle" or the beginning of the third act, usually*. nothing to do w the book itself, just an observation

second off, alicorns are so much more important than being just "another species to save", im sure of it. theres wayyy too much of the council getting involved n talk abt how alicorns are sooo important. to anyone whos read percy jackson it kinda reminds me of the ophiortaurus (bessie) from sea of monsters, who seemed to be a recurring animal side character who turned out to have a lot of significance to the very universe they were in. im expecting smth similar, why else would everyone go to such lengths to ensure alicorns dont go extinct? or maybe im overthinking it lmao but what gives it away is the heckses literally tryna kidnap silveny-

speaking of the heckses, who the fuck tries to steal an alicorn. stinas parents are the whiniest bitches ive ever seen, and im a fifteen year old girl. like cmon ive seen some drama queens over the years, but those two- also, fucking stina. i mentioned before that i hope to see some character development w her, so shes not just the boring one-dimensional mean girl thats prevalent in literally every piece of media thats come out since mean girls w regina george. clearly not yet, tho, but im waiting on it (if it does not happen i will be majorly disappointed)

also, delving into theories now. its kinda far-fetched, but, was brant w the black swan ? i mean, it would add up pretty decently. it would explain why his guilt for jolies death runs so deeply (since grady rlly rlly seems to believe that the black swan killed her) because he would be with the literal organization that killed her. it would also explain reeeeaaaaalllllyyyy well why he recognized sophie. the fact that he knew her was wayy too emphasized to mean nothing. idk JUST A THEORY, its not based off of anything other than it would fit nicely w everything else.

but also if grady is so adamant that it was the black swan, and (hypothetically) brant is w the black swan, then would it be improbable to assume that he killed her? which would explain the guilt even MORE. but then again, he does seem to love her, so that last part is added very tentatively. (maybe he killed her by accident... but then would the note to grady three days before her death just be a coincidence? im sure that has some deeper meaning.)

maybe it wasnt the black swan who sent those notes to grady...

to end on a funnier note: alicorn poop. sophie faceplanted into alicorn poop. it happens to all main characters, it always has to be someone walking in at the worst moment. i thought id be the vackers w keefe who show up n embarass her, but who better than the council to get humiliated in front of ? i dont hate sophie i just laugh at her pain

i think thats all for the 25% mark, im gonna keep reading today. im gonna go to my grandmas house so maybe i can get a couple hundred pages in !!!

oc rambling

so i thought that, the creature he meets at the end of the story is the devil in disguise rather than that the arabian was the "predator" all along, and mb even that the devil in disguise ate his arabian too and thats why it didnt come back anymore

but then i thought what if the real black russian arabian was actually still alive

bc yasmine thinks that his arabian died/was eaten by this creature like all the horses that went missing and thats why it doesnt come back anymore

so when he gives birth to the russian arabian again he views it 100% as the russian arabian from before bc he thinks this creature brought it back to him (with the price of his heart)

but actually if the russian arabian from before is still alive it means it's not the same horse

and basically when he met the og russian arabian he didnt actually get to ride it until the last meeting/s but most of their meetings he just attempted to get close to it but wasn't able to ride it, so yasmine doesn't actually know this horse that well, rather than that he's in love with this horse he's in love with the idea/ideal he projects on it

and the new foal he got rather than the actual russian arabian is a physical creation of his idea of this horse and the ideal that he desires

(and thats also why its a good race horse later on in jorvik bc it got such big heart its unnatural its not 100% like a real horse)

and mb at the end of yasmine's story in general (not just what i wrote i mean like.. after he goes down to jorvik and whatever his overall plot would be) he actually meets the og russian arabian again, so he realizes that all along his current horse wasn't the same horse he fell in love with and he also finds out why was it even there in dino valley in the first place even tho it doesnt make sense bc it wasnt wild and horses are herd animals. bc in his mind it was like a lone wild horse that came out of nowhere just for him (bc he didnt know where it came from) but in reality it actually belonged to someone, mb it kept running away all the time. and if it belongs to someone it already takes away parts of the magic of it bc its like yasmine was cheated on lol or it wasnt a horse just for him

and also i thought of the black horse as his soul horse (like, its aman) and i thought in yasmine's case he basically artificially created his soul horse and the connection one has with their soul horse

but then i thought wait what if yasmine's REAL actual soulhorse was the yakut horse he pushed too hard and essentially killed. and this also needs a definition of what it means to have a "soulhorse", so i think a soulhorse means besides the literal thing of "its a horse u can communicate with and have a magical connection with", what it means for you mentally is that its another being youre in perfect harmony with, thats why the yakut horse was always so calm with him bc even if yasmine was aggressive it understood him and they understood one another, so even though yasmine basically had the "perfect relationship"/healthy positive connection with the soulhorse he chose the black horse (the mania and adrenaline rush and excitment and addiction) over it, when he had the chance to bring it back he chose to bring back aman(black horse) instead

so rather than having the real soulhorse that comes from aideen (bc soul riding etc is from aideen/positive god) he gave it up and got/created an artificial soulhorse that comes from garnok(the devil)

come on look at this drawing. this is exactly what being in aba feels like. anyway...

bien and sar as a portrayal of a "troubled teen" with autism/adhd/aspd and an aba therapist: a breadavota analysis

finally blogging about the ending of intermission 1 of @breadavota

gui on the bbs has already noticed most of the stuff from the new update so tbh not much else left to say. thank u once again for the loyal breadposting

not related but i just noticed the bbs has the homestuck colors naur

instead of analyzing every part of the new update im just going to focus on the depiction of sar as being a (pseudo) aba therapist, along with my "bien is so autismcoded" hc

bien as an autistic character (+ adhd and conduct disorder/oppositional defiant disorder/aspd)

first of all altho afaik none of the characters are written intentionally to be autistic and adhd but both sc and bien have traits of it, altho i will just focus on bien here who i feel is autistic, adhd and has cd/odd (which could be aspd now bcuz hes already an adult). i think the aspd hc has more credence bcuz the author has aspd

seen as "stupid" by others, especially because he has issues with working memory and attention, altho i dont think hes particularly "stupid" but more that he has trouble w/ abstract thinking and memories, he takes things literally (like when he messes w/ sars pens after being told not to touch only his books)

inexpressive facial expressions, he usually has a neutral face no matter the situation

seems to get bored easily and needs to do extreme things to stimulate himself, particularly his violent tendencies towards animals

special interests/hyperfixations. he doesnt show an interest in anything except things related to violence (murder, weapons, wars) or sc, and to a lesser extent playing the piano

on top of that some level of social inappropriate behavior, altho its harder to say w/ so few interactions between him and other characters. the one chapter where he talks to the other soldiers he wasnt very friendly towards them, and based on how he talks to ava (hard to tell if he talks like this to everyone tho) he has the tendency to bring up his relationship to sc even in situations where its not appropriate or relevant

"awkwardness" aside he has a disregard for other ppl as a whole and seems unable to emphatize with hurting others

struggles with "basic" tasks and is anxious abt leaving sc and having to live on his own

wants to have "explanations" for everything he does before doing it, seen in how he is frustrated with avas vagueness

some sensory sensitivies since he looks to be bothered by "loud noises", altho its a bit vague bcuz the demons seem to have a synthesia like (?) way of perceiving the world. bon at least has been implied to lash out from these sensitivities which 2 me is similar to meltdowns, and sar shows concern that the brightness outside might bother bien

anyway moving on to sar, this is probably noticed by some ppl from the older updates already but the premack principle (explaining more later) is what made it noticed for me, that sar acts similar to an aba therapist, or at least uses some of the same principles in aba to manipulate bien

focus on eye contact

first of all i agree w/ gui the decision to write only in sars pov and to never directly show what biens dialogue at all is great! i think it highlights that feeling of bien not being allowed his autonomy and makes it feel rly more like some therapy session where ur not allowed to make ur own decisions, it also forces us to rely on sars narration of events even tho hes not a trustworthy person

bcuz we cant see bien we also dont know if anything in the place is distracting or bothering him. the last updates established he finds the way the house "sounds" to be rly disturbing (again poiting to sensory sensitivity), and the way the story focuses not on why he might not be looking at sar and instead only looks at his "problem behavior" reminds me of my own experiences with aba before

sar commands eye contact from bien with the simple repetition of the phrase "look at me". this very first one stands out because of how its inserted right in the middle of his dialogue, showing sars intention to make sure bien "focuses" on what hes currently saying, like he needs bien to be looking at him to "prove" he is listening. reading it in real time the first "look at me" is almost unnoticable until the next ones

i noticed the first one is also early on in the update, and he doesnt say it again until later on where all the "look at mes" are closer together. this happens when bien reads the research paper with the "blocks". i think it implies bien is more uncomfortable or stressed out from this activity and being overwhelmed by it, he looks away more frequently, its a subtle detail that i cant help but noticed!

premack principle/first, then

this is what stood out to me the most, sar pretends to "offer" autonomy to bien sometimes by letting him decide some minor things like what to eat for the break, or to let him make minor adjustments to the overall "daily schedule" but i noticed the entire "lesson" is decided by sar, who makes bien do a "harder" task first before moving on to something bien might want to do (eat cake/listen to the piano) or to "something easier"

some standing out parts:

reading this, especially "of course, i believe you can do it" its clear that bien doesnt necessarily want to move to the "easier" tasks and he wants to keep trying the current task even if hes not doing "well". the desire to move to "something easier" is always something sar decides because of his estimation of biens incompetence, and not out of biens own unwillingness to keep trying.

speaking of the schedule, its interesting, sar doesnt simply say he will make time in biens daily schedule to let him play the piano, he says bien will be allowed to have piano lessons, meaning hes still planning to use even biens hobbies/interests as a opportunity to "educate" him or as "reinforcerment" for him to do "good" behaviors first. i can imagine in the future biens desire to play the piano is going to be used against him, so that hes only allowed to do it if he "studies" first

reinforcements and "safe foods"

in the premack principle/"token economy" a reward is used to motivate the "good behavior" and here we see sar using food as that reinforcement. also sar doesnt punish bien here (also hello bien and his super literal thinking, autistic king), he tells bien to keep reading while sar cleans up.

the idea of not using punishment to be more "humane" is indeed a part of modern aba (traditional aba utilized punishments before this was dropped) but that doesnt account for all the other issues with aba, and again with the lack of autonomy he assumes bien "messing with the pens" is an "accident" (instead of explaining more literally not to touch the pens - its possible bien did it on purpose but is unaware why this is a "big deal" and wouldnt understand why sar is pointing it out to begin with), and he also doesnt ask bien if he wants to help clean up, or why he touched the pens to begin with.

for all we know bien got bored and started stimming with the pens (esp bcuz chewing or clicking pens is a common stim, we dont know what sar means with "messed with" here), sar could of at least asked first why bien did that anyway and like?? let him borrow a pen??? lmao???

anyway, back to the cake, in a previous updates its shown bien likes cake and i think this establishes cake as a sort of "safe food" for bien

this is something gui pointed out that i didnt notice at first, but notably bien asks for just a chocolate cake, and sar gives him a devils food cake that has vanilla in it. its something so "small" that bien will look bad if he complains abt it, but sar ignoring a very specific request bien had is a common autistic experience when it comes to safe foods and being told just to be "picky eater"

assumptions of biens incompetence/struggles

its no secret bien seems to struggle with "intelligent" matters but notably nobody ever stops to ask what he stuggles with, its always assumed for him. while ava is more obviously dismissive, sar also does the exact same thing and just sounds "nicer" about it

lack of proper explanations

despite being an expository character sar notably doesnt explain things in a way that would be useful to bien. my personal observation of bien and why i dont think hes "stupid" (not in the way the others sy he is) is that he asks a lot of logical questions! whenever ava tells him a story abt the history of angels/marginals, or asks him to do a new task, bien makes a lot of sensible observations ("if angels marginals and demons are the immortals and youre not an angel then what are you?")

the things he questions the most are information that comes out of nowhere (the recursive panopticon, sars first appearance, the margibird that came out of his radio etc), and other people treat him like an idiot for just not automatically knowing these "obvious" things that would make sense for him to know!

honestly viewing bien in this lens it suddenly makes alot more sense why the story jumps around so much and introduces "weird" lore seemingly at random, i think it rly helps simulate the feeling of confusion bien (and also bread) are meant to have

and of course where would we be w/o sars insistence that bien always say thank you even tho he never explains what bien should even be thanking him for.

general infantilization

as a whole sars tone is very infantilizing w/ how he always gives reassurances and goes "do you understand?" "___, okay?"

also he decides to give bien storybooks (probably for kids) and plushies to help with sleeping lmao??? we dont even know yet if hes going to have sleeping problems in anselir.

ofc nothing is inherently wrong with needing things considered "childish" with accomodations, lots of autistic people benefit from simpler talking to them or from sensory aids and similar in their daily life. but again its bad here because bien gives no indication these are the specific accomodations he even needs, sar simply assumes them for him. i think especially knowing bien seems insecure over his incompetence and his ability to "grow up" and be an independent adult living away from his father, it makes treating him like a dependent child even worse in that contexts.

disrespect for personal boundaries/touching

this is definitely the creepiest part and again the lack of biens side of things makes it vague what sar is doing

the way its immersed in the dialogue again is a good choice, just shows sar talking and acting "normally" even when things are decidedly not normal

the comment abt the hair makes it obvious that sar is touching bien, altho to what extent the "touching" goes is obviously deliberately vague. honestly it almost looks like sa :") regardless the pressure to do "affectionate" gestures is so relatable, especially as an autistic kid where adults always pressure you to hug them or show some other form of physical affection, and the way ppl touching u w/o permission is so common.

(i did ask the author abt this, to which they said its supposed to be vague so its not sexual but its also not not sexual. but that they personally wrote it to be them sitting next to each other with sar just condescendingly petting him on the head at some point like he did the last updates, and the "try not to squirm" comment was abt sitting properly, but that this was just how they imagined it and isnt "canon" bcuz its supposed to be open-ended)

bonus:

a subtle thing i almost dont noticed but the last "what blocks" is slightly bigger as if to show a slight raise in voice, rly feels like sitting in a suffocating room with this guy. ily sar but u suck

that is the end of my breadposting thank u and goodbye. ^_^

Stampede and Maximum Spoilers!

Look this is kinda a negative (not totally but I wanna be polite and warn! ) look at Stampede and it's handling of the queer content in the source marital, if ur not in the mood for that, block me or scroll past plz 👌don't wanna be a downer for anyone so ye, thought I'd slap this uptop lol

Gonna be real, idk how I feel abt the last ep... Some of my fears are definitely coming true. The big one being that Wolfwood's role in the manga seems to be played by Meryl in Stampede.

The manga is so important to me because it lacks the typical anime/manga hetrosexual tropes.

They put these tropes back in when they made the 98 anime, and it feels like they're putting them back into Stampede.

Wolfwood is the one who saves Vash in the manga, he is Vash's reason to fight. I know Stampede is pretty much an AU of the manga, but they're hitting the major plot points in their own unique way. Not everything is in order, and it's different, which I don't mind.

What I do mind is the fact that they've cut out all the queer parts of Maximum.

From changing Elendira, the cannon trans woman (who wasn't perfect rep, but goddamn it a cannon transwoman who wasnt a joke at that time?! I fucking love her), to a lab grown loli (before you come at me, I know this is a prequel and that she'll age, but that's not the point, because it doesn't negate the fact that she is no longer trans. They could have updated her rep from the manga, but no.) To subbing in Meryl for Wolfwood in narrative moments he occupied in the manga, like saving Vash from Knives.

Narrative moments that would have been occupied by a female love interest in most manga were occupied by Wolfwood in TriMax, and intentional or not, TriMax is queer coded as shit. By switching him with Meryl in Stampede, that is gone.

This is what happens in the manga, in the Stampede Vash is saved by, and saves, Meryl instead. (Also black coat Vash is a reference to Vash from this fight in Maximum. It is the result of him fighting Legato and killing him to preserve Wolfwood's memory, ((he is taking on Wolfwood's color pallet in this fight, the layers in Maximum are insane)):

This isn't a ship post, not really, it's about stripping the queer aspects from TriMax, which are an integral part of TriMax's narrative, a major part what makes the work unique, especially for it's time, and straight-washing it in Stampede (which is taking a lot from Trimax... just not the queer stuff, hum). However, I'll entertain some ship talk.

People have been calling Vashwood the "yaoi flavor of the season" and in all honesty, to me, that's what Stampede Vashwood feels like. I KNOW it's the first season and this could change, but damn it, I feel like I'm allowed to be a little frustrated and worried about the direction they're going.

Vashwood in the manga is a queer relationship supported by COUNTLESS examples in the text, read as romantic or not,(personally, I think it should be read as romantic based on manga framing ((Wolfwood playing the role narratively reserved for the female love interest in most manga)) and textually (("I wanted to spend my tomorrows with him," just one of many examples of Vash's feeling about Wolfwood)) it is undeniable that they are integral to each other in a bone deep way. To the point where the only person as, or more, important as Wolfwood to Vash is Rem, his mother and guiding light.

This is absent in Stampede.

I'm trying not to be uncharitable, but I have a sinking suspicion that Meryl is going to be the one to find Vash after the timeskip, a role given to Wolfwood in TriMax. I wanna be proven wrong tho!

I DO like how Meryl and Wolfwood are getting more interactions in Stampede! They didn't get many in the manga and I love their dynamic. Honestly him grabbing her like a sack of potatoes and booking it outta there was the best part for me lol, I'm glad Milly is coming back too! Vash getting his spikes back also was rad af!!

I feel like I should also say, this isn't a ship hate post or anything. This isn't a Meryl hate post either, I don't kin characters myself but she's as close as they come for me, so I love the little lady. Plus, I've really been enjoying her Stampede design and character development, it's one of the best parts of the show imo!!

It's just the fact that the queer content from the original didn't make it in, while so many other things from TriMax did, that rubs me the wrong way.

I think I'm mostly just frustrated, I'm enjoying Stampede for what it is, but I'm a queer woman, and I can't help but feel cheated out of the faithful Maximum adaptation I've always dreamed of. How come every other manga gets a one for one adaptation, but Maximum, with all it's queer text, doesn't?! I'm frustrated. They always try to make Trigun more appealing, mass marketable, but damnit that's not why I love it. Idk, I just feel sad. With this new adaptation, idk if I'll ever see a faithful Maximum adaptation, which is a depressing thought for me.

Anyway, this became a vent post, sorry. I'm a longtime TriMax shill and I was really (and to be fair, still am to a degree) enjoying Stampede up until these last few eps. In some ways it feels like I'm watching watered down, more marketable Maximum and that just frustrates me.

I'm still holding out hope for season 2 though, I can't help it, even with the things I'm not personally into in Stampedes it's still Trigun, and if I'm not going to bat for Trigun, am I even me?

Top 5 TV shows? ^_^

ty for the ask!!

this is gonna sound crazy bc i have a blog dedicated to 3 tv shows but i dont actually watch a lot of tv + actually ranking the ones i do watch is sooo hard, so instead of doing numbers, im gonna do tiers 🤞

shows that changed my brain chemistry, they’re a part of me, for better or for worse

death note has been a part of my life for soooo long. genuinely i watched it when i was 12, and i’m about to be 22 soon, so almost 10 years now. i still rewatch it frequently, i’ve probably seen it close to 15 times now…i based my whole closet and a lot of other things on mello & misa sksjsk

tokyo ghoul is of course one of my favs, also has been a part of my life for a while, maybe 6 years? i prefer the manga tbh but i still watch the anime a lot bc sometimes im too lazy to read…my comfort show fr tho i always turn to it when i’m feeling down

jujutsu kaisen is the newest addition to this category but i love it just as dearly, as you may have notice lol i wasnt sure about it at first but it quickly made itself out home in my heart and life. tmi but i was in the middle of like a year+ long mental space where i just couldn’t feel things or process emotions, and jujutsu kaisen is what brought my feelings back to me…a lot of sad feelings but feelings nonetheless

other shows i like a relatively normal amount

blind is a kdrama that i never really see that many people talking about but its soooo good and so worth watching. it follows the investigation of brutal serial killer, but it feels like so much more than that. there’s really great psychological horror aspects, as well as commentary on how society fails children, and i literally never saw the end coming. soooo good a bit gory but really worth the watch. watch it when you have a few days off tho bc it’s so hard to look away.

i was torn for what to put as the last show, but i decided to go with another kdrama sweet home. highly recommend for tokyo ghoul lovers, it’s sci fi/thriller and it’s about this disease that turns humans into mindless monsters, and the MC turns into like a half-half…won’t say too much more bc spoilers but the parallels are endless

I think... animes where I dont have ships... are just the overall better written animes...

Like ok, if I start with one of my earliest animes, Death Note. Yeah, Light/L has an appeal. I get it. But the story of the show is so damn good... that I really don't give a hardcore damn about the pairings. Light/L stands out bc the show WANTS you to think about them together (not as a pairing, but as two sides of a coin, etc etc)

Durarara, same. Shizuo/Izaya would be the Light/L of Durarara. But this anime is less so about the story what story and more so about the characters and their journeys. The appeal of Shizuo/Izaya is that its fun. They're both doing their own thing but then cross paths and when they do its like FIREWORKS, and the show knows it. It wants you to feel that way when they bump into each other.

FMAB (I mean c'mon, my pairing of choice was two characters that exchanged a sentence in the second last ep), that show is insanely well written. I couldn't think of ships the whole time.

I could say the same for Attack on Titan. Like I said throughout watching it, that I shipped Levi/Hange from day 1, and not hardcore. But I wasnt hoping and praying for them to be onscreen together, or to have pairing-esque moments. I was enjoying the show for what it was and if they HAPPENED to be onscreen together I was like :))) also I just kinda shipped everyone with Levi bc in my head Levi in relationship scenarios with all these different personalities was hilarious but then he had to go and be a dad to everyone so I then kept him exclusively for his wife Hange

Then take some underrated shows like 91 Days, ACCA, Baccano, Saiki, Ushio, etc. They're just so well written that pairings are so back of your mind, even if you have one or POSSIBLY two.

For me then, if I take HxH... its a weird one cause there's not exactly a lot to choose from pairing wise. But regardless. I went a good portion of the show not caring about any ship. Didn't want to. The writing was just so good. But then Meruem/Komugi entered and didn't become "my ship for that show", but one of my top 5 fave pairings of all time, the pairings I actually legitimately care a lot about. So HxH hit a little different with that one pair.

But its just something I've noticed about myself. If the pairing isn't a ride or die I'm obsessed with it pairing, its usually from a show that's so well written, I probably just have a pairing from it for the fun of it. EXCEPT HxH. The one exception.

Whereas you can take shows like YGO and Inuyasha, and the writing isn't jawdopping, and I have a good few pairs from each, and those pairings are prob my fave parts of those shows, that's just basically how I know I know which shows I consider better written than others, by my pairing quantity lmao Doesn't mean I dont love those shows tho, they're just not exceptional writing

Then you have shows that, if I didn't have pairings to get me through the experience, I'd probably still be watching them to this day, like an episode a year or something Zexal

WAIT I WASNT PAYING ATTENTION WHO THE FUCK IS THE MARRIED COUPLE IN KORTAC AGAIN?!!?!

Also gajsbxdibdjdjdid now i wanna go on a zoo date, I want my non-existing partner to also look at me with love dovey eyes as I squeal about my fav animals

Oh man oh man THEYRE SO CUTE i ahhhhhhh i love them so much bro

Also the Squid and Tiger part gahhhhh so cute my babies

ALSO I WANNA SCREAM ABOUT THE FACT THAT ROACH MISSES BEING ABLE TO JUST TOUCH HIS BOYFRIENDS AND NOW HE FINALLY CAN, yall give miss therapist A RAISE

Cant wait for the last fic, haha Im in danger of that past! Simon bit tho :D im gonna prepare tissues, yup yup

I don't actually say who's married on KorTac to let people kinda put their own person in their head, but in my brain I was thinking Calypso and Stiletto cause they seem like lesbians to me sjfnfnjfnf

After all the stress I've been putting the boys through, I thought it was high time they got to have a cute little date and that Roach got to be loved on by his boys

And I just had to give Korangi a little cuteness too they deserved a date 😌

Thoughts on how Morgana, Morgause and Merlin killed people

i just realized that it was only in s5 where Morgana really truly absolutely did attempt to finally kill Merlin (not as emrys but as merlin.)

plus it wasnt even an act of revenge, eliminating him was just a necessary step in the destabilization plan to destroy Camelot

whereas merlin already tried to have her killed in fires of idirsholas to save camelot. that was in the first 3 years Merlin and Morgana knew each other btw.

therefore Morgana waited 5 years to finally decide that she has to kill merlin. think about that. Merlin did nothing but try to kill her over and over again, but Morgana didnt want him personally dead YET... for 5 YEARS. FIVE YEARS AFTER HE BETRAYED HER VERY PERSONALLY.

this brings home the point bruh. Morgana doesn't kill recklessly. Tears of Uther Pendragon and the Dorocha incidentwere NOT Morgana-led attacks because those were Morgause's plans. Morgana didnt want to unleash the Dorocha at first because she was afraid and also didnt want to lose her sister. Morgause persuaded her to do it regardless. SO Morgause is the one who plans to kill indiscriminately and just brings Morgana along for the ride.

Notice this, left on her own devices, Morgana's kills were strategic, even from a tyranny/warlord standpoint. If she had her way, she chooses who to kill and who to save for later. Morgana's not a frkn idiot. Her letting the soldiers target the fleeing city folk was to intimidate Leon and the other Knights and force them to submit. In the spirit of historical sieges YES. that was done. actually that was pretty merciful compared to what you read in history. Anyway back to the point. It forced Leon to surrender, which was the goal (tho he immediately defected, which is of course understandable)

How about Merlin, are his kills strategic? I dont think so. Merlin is a reactionary protector of the status quo superhero. Watch video below to understand the trope.

Merlin doesnt think of the consequences when he kills. I think he's more reckless tbh coz he doesnt discriminate either. He just kills as a reaction to danger in the spirit of self-defense. He gets pushed back into a corner and that's when he strikes. Thing is with Merlin is that you shouldn't trap him, because he will strike back like a dangerous wounded animal in defense of his "loved ones" (the government). As a supposed savior of the magic folk that's not really a healthy way to deal with threats, especially since he does nothing to actually not get forced in the trap anyway (ie reconnect with the magic folk at least, find stable alliances, negotiate, bargain, etc.) The problem though was that this turned him into a vigilante. Because he was eliminating treasonous threats without the state's knowledge or permission, that makes him a serious threat to social order himself.

He and Morgause are the "Damn the Consequences" kind of guys. The consequence of Merlin doing that was that he kept proving that he was no ally to the embittered magic folk. Morgause's actions also meant that she really didnt care if nobody lived to run the kingdom as long as she got to overtake it. (see her just killing Cenred)

Morgana, for the most part wasn't like that. Morgana weighed the effect of her kills more than you think. Morgana frkn doesnt kill her own allies right away(unlike morgause). What she does really well is "breaking her adversary's morale." That takes skill and careful maneuvering and planning. Killing is the last resort for Morgana and she doesn't usually take it, especially if she sees value in keeping someone alive. Her "Damn the Consequences" attitude would have taken effect more on the long-term aspects: open riots and insurrections.

It was only after Mordred died that Morgana finally killed every little threat to her life. She has gone mad at this point. She's become the wounded animal. (like merlin)

anyway this is a long essay on how merlin x morgause x morgana killed people.

...............

btw this isnt an essay to justify who was good or bad. I just think they all had different ways to handling their issues.

the ones with the porn name

EDDIE X READER

an: this fic is based on the anime “nana” basically reader and eddie meet the same way nana o. and nobu do. also i am not from the us and i have no idea how schools work there besides very basic level stuff. ALSO i tried not to use y/n too much but i failed, i am sorry. I am not a native english speaker

summary: highschool is a bitch, especially if you are the so called school freak and for what ? liking unpopular music and fantasy games ? needless to say eddie munson had given up on finding like minded people in this hellhole. but what he didnt excpect was the quiet girl from english to be a secret rock fan

it was a well known fact Eddie Munson could not care less about school. About anything actually. Making new friends, grades , society, conformity etc. It was all irrelevant to him. His only goal was to finally graduate senior year and run, far, far, far away from Hawkins High. All the bullyinng, name calling, rumors would finally stop. For the most part atleast. He really wasnt excpecting anything to come out of his -hopefully- last year in high school.

so imagine his surprise when Y/N L/N walked into english clad in a Joan Jett t-shirt. 

as far as he knew Y/N was... he didnt really know how she was. They sat across eachother in one class only exchanging the occasional hello before lessons. All he knew of her was what hed gathered during the year and what he had heard other people say about her. He was dumbfounded upon realising they might have more in common than what he had originally thought. 

as she approached her seat she didnt even bother to spare him a glance, quietly putting down her bag and sitting.

Eddie debated wether or not he should talk to her. What would he even say ? how would he say it ? would she maybe be intimidated ? wait why was he overthinking this so much ?. As he pulled himself from the fog of thought surrounding his brain the teacher stepped in. great he thought. Atlest now he had time to figure out his strategy.

class was as class is; boring. Yet a certain joan jett fans mind was less preocupied with literature and more with a long haired mans gaze not leaving her frame. She did not know why Eddie was starring at her, and she refused to look his way as she couldnt read his expression. Was something wrong with her appearence ? did her hair smell ? what was his problem ?  Her eyes remained on the board; not reading what was on it simply staring into the empty spaces begging for him to look away. In those moments she wished the earth would open up and swallow her whole. He must have been looking at her for more than half of the class. Not that she could tell. She was too busy wishing to die of embarassment.

Eddie reached into his backpack, wich was mostly empty, and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. Not to take any notes for the class, no, he had other plans. Better ones.

Y/N couldnt make out his movements but she was glad his stare was giving her a break. After a few seconds she saw something flying on her desk from eddies direction. Looking down she identified the object as a ball of paper. 

“i like your shirt ;)”

Y/N looked at the note. Then at Eddie. Then back at the note. He wasnt scrutinizing her ! thank god she thought.

Oh god she hates me now doesnt she ?

Eddies train of thought was running at 100km an hour, faster than the speed of light, in the time he did not receive a reply he went through all the stages of grief and of regret. He tho-

Then he felt something falling on his hand.

“thank you”

that was it. In his hand had fallen a note, the same note he had sent flying to you was now back in his posession. The content of the paper, right there, underneath his note was her response. It wasnt anything remarcable, it was a normal response. Still, he felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders. He took the paper into his hands thinking of how to continue the conversation. Sadly he didnt get the chance.

⚠️IMPORTANT⚠️ ! A/n: this is shorter than my patience idk if i like it or if its even worth continuing or publishing. I will put this out and if it gains a bit of attention i will commit.

PART 2 IS UP https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/ladyoftheblades/689202000935698432?source=share

VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION: DID WILD RATTS MAKE YOU WANT TO STUDY BIOLOGY

SORT OF YEAH LSJFKAJS

I mean, yes the kratt bros have been very big role models for me since the ripe age of around 3 when my dad showed me zoboomafoo on his busted ass laptop and i was over the moon when wild kratts started

But it's also more of a family thing, just like the artistic stuff was inherited from my mom (who inherited from her mom too), the animals have always been an important part in my fam

My dad's a zootechnician and my mom a vet zootechnician, My dad has always worked on farms and when i spent time with him after they divorced he used to take me n my sis to his job to not leave us alone and also make the most of the little time we had together (only weekends) so yeah, I've always been around farm animals and open spaces, not to mention the house pets!! He wasnt surprised when i told him i wanted to study biology, tho at first i wanted to be a vet but i backed off from it for now cuz im a pussy and the next thing was zoology but there wasnt any zoology on the uni i wanted to go and biology was the next closest thing! Tho i dont wanna see it as a last option, more like idk,, if the universe led me to this after so much questioning then should be the best i could choose✨

if trigger ever makes a promare sequel (i miss galo and lio sm) what would u want out of it?

I GOT RLY BUSY AND TOTALLY FORGOT TO RESPOND TO THIS IM SORRY. god this is a good question tho, i think for me i'd definitely want like a lot MORE focus on character stuff this time! id love more sexy mech fights, more drift compatability stuff w galo and lio and the fact they were literally like mind synced in their mech, PLEASE. and imo id love like a motorcycle race or smth i dunno. 'why' itd be cool. id love a lot more galo and lio, id love a lot more aina (and theyd surely do more with gueira and meis). i just miss them too i want to see them again i think theres so much more they could do w them, so much more worldbuilding too cuz promare didnt focus a lot on that but i think it couldve helped to build up the Fascist Dystopia thing more

i know that trigger is capable of serious and good writing, especially with characters and relationships. they CAN get into the grit of stuff. i wish they would actually have more faith in their ability to do that. while writing wasnt rly a top priority w promare but out of everything galo and lios relationship was always that priority w the movie and it shows that everything else was kind of brushed over, which like, i dont Hate, i GET it and it is very common to point out that promare was definitely the studios obvious first time compressing a series worth of stuff into 1 movie, and i absolutely think focusing on galo and lio since they were literally the main characters and romance and its THEIR movie they carried was the best decision they couldve made when they were cutting around to try and fit everything into 2 hours. and they still cut a little too much from them imo like cutting galo holding lio and them just talking when galo pulled lio from the dragon and aina brought them to the frozen lake that was in the storyboards, and replacing that with the worst animated fight scene in the movie was a bad decision lol. they r the romance they need TALK time

ive talked abt it b4 so i wont get in2 it here its not super relevant but i do think a lot of promare fans were dumb abt things getting brushed over and acted like bcuz things like 'galo being traumatized' wasnt directly stated to their face he actually had no trauma, or whatever, so maybe a little bit more focus on not just keeping everything vague wouldve helped, or could be brought up more in a sequel. even w galo and lios relationship, a huge part of their relationship and dynamic is stuff is in stuff that isnt supplementary exactly its more like a Bonus but like the soundtrack being another whole plot elaborating on their relationship and feelings for each other. again i do think galo and lio being the focus was absolutely a good idea like im not against that at all lol theres a reason ppl remember them the most out of the movie. i want more focus on them now that theyre together and i want more focus on their characters in general- their backstories, their relationships, their traumas since i dont think u can write anything for promare without bringing that into it. like the pre movie experiences AND movie experiences Made the characters esp galo and lio who they r. that stuff IS important for character. and i want this for other side characters too like i want more of ainas stuff, i like her parallels to galo and i want them to keep working on it. first movie was just fucking Going Going Going with the plot and i get why but they skimped out on character relationships but imo they should expand on those in any further content.

i actually wouldnt necessarily need a sequel movie specifically especially bcuz theyd have troubles w both galos va's in japanese and english (galos japanese va was apparently Expensive and as we know billy kametz was the perfect galo va in the english dub and he unfortunately passed away last year) so im not sure how they'd... combat that even in a tv series with less budget or an ova or a video game w voice acting. a manga could work as a good follow up and also not require the extra expenses of animation or have things to deal with w voice actors, tho the director said he wouldnt make one unless it was full color and thats Expensive but also like who gives a fuck imaishi. do it. you spend money on so much bullshit you should make a full color post canon promare manga of your best story. to me :)

ive had a lot of ideas for possible sequels or follow ups over the years and i think whether any more promare was plot based or character based w just slice of life stuff or just focusing on galo and lios relationship, any of it would be rly fun to see. i also think itd be rly likely the promare would come back in some capacity in a sequel lol. they even gave themselves an opening with the promare like taking a piece of lio back to their home dimension/planet. the fires such a huge recognizable part of promare, it would be VERY likely to me that they would bring it back for a post canon story, especially when taking it away was a big source of criticism for the movie (not cuz its Cooler if the fire stays, tho thats true, but also bcuz it just literally doesnt work w the narrative to build up abt how burnish and not burnish ppl cna live peacefully and even be very close, as evidenced by galo and lio, and then just. not do anything w it cuz the run times over so oopsie better just send the aliens back. i could get into this way more but i already have many many times and i dont want to ramble more than i already am lol). but i think trigger burned themselves out a lot on promare bcuz it took so fucking long to make that they werent particularly interested in revisiting it so soon, but since it was SO successful and ppl rly loved it and imo its one of their best properties they absolutely could pick it back up again. however its also like the monkeys paw thing where u want promare to come back but u want it to be GOOD u dont want them to just make it for the sake of making it u want there to be like something they want to do with the characters or story. and the exec staff team have said they told the story they wanted to tell, but i do think they could find interesting ways to bring it back and tell more story. they might be done w galo and lio but im sure not. do it for me <3 ill write you a sequel. anwyay i rambled so much im gonna cut myself off but thank u for asking i could talk so long abt it lol

Mantisdreammantisdreammantisdream

Ight, brainrot au. im just gonna put the text that I send to echo when I talked about it. Its very much based of different media that is making my brainrot cause it is on my insta fyp. Ill post some art of it when I get to it >:)

Theres this anime, based of a game, called cyberpunk:edgerunners, it's the one where I got the mantis dream idea from. The basic plot line of it is that there is this futuristic world that can use like bodily attachments to get stronger/quicker/better at fighting/ etc. And it goes on about how the government sucks and horny teens and bla bla bla, that's not as important for the brainrot. The important thing for the brainrot is the attachment parts, that you can enhance your body with stuff like that, and the fact that my entire fyp on instagram is filled with naruto and MHA, even tho I watch neither of them, and superhero brianrot that is based of another fic caused this au. So, the following brainrot: Similar to MHA, most people have some sort of power/quirk/whatever which they can use. Not everyone, but theres a healthy balance and no form of power imbalance as in the ones with power are above those who dont have powers. They vibe together and work together with no issue. Well, as in mha, there is a form of superhero community that prevents disasters. They more like overpowered fireman that most of the time use their powers to safe people from people who just want to wreck havoc. And alot of people want to be a part of it, but arent allowed to because maybe their powers would be better at another part or it would take too many resource to train them to their fullest potential that they want, so they get the option into another part, stuff like that. Well there are three teens that have tried, but werent allowed in cause one could be replaced with better working attachments, his powers werent special enough (dream), one would have to go into way to intensified training to control his powers and it would be easier if he went in his father footsteps and became a medic (sapnap) and one would take to many resources and tries and errors to really get to his fullest potential, tho it would be easier if he worked in the it part of the commitee and not the fighting part (george). Doesnt mean those three stopped. They became vigilantes, practicing with eachother in abandoned buildings to become stronger and help more people efficiently. But greed is something that controls people. So when snf got a deal, where they rat out dream as vigilante and get him cought, they would be allowed and trained in the hero commitee. Cause being a vigilante was the most illegal thing and would get you 5 years prison and power constraints. Well they rat out dream and he is captured to go into pandoras vault, the last thing he sees is them getting pushed towards the exit by the warden, one of the heroes. What they thought was pandoras, really wasnt pandoras, as it was used to experiment with the limits of a human and with how much shit they can be pumped full fo when it comes to powers and attachments. Cause powers are transferable, people just dont do it caus eit often times ends with agony or death. But who cares about prisoners who at the end of the day will end up just being numbers for datas. They would try out a power on a prisoner first, and depending on the reaction they were either forced into more testing or were used as play pretend to make pandoras seem like a normal prison. And ofcourse, dreams luck, it turns out his body can hold quite a bit. They would pump him full of powers or attachments that either prevented other powers (ei: him gettign an attachment that makes it so that wilbur would not be able to control him, him getting a power similar to foolishs to trick him, him getting a mix of both to be able to resist sapnaps fire if attacked straight on, etc.), only stopping if his body would completely crash or he would disobey, causing him to be punished. Most of those punishments were in some way connected to attachments he got (ie, the mantis arms) and used as pure conditioning. Cause his mind to break at some point, him obeying and listening to the wardens orders. Him and others that were close to his levels were trained to become perfect killing machines basically. But he was the number cause why the fuck not, brainrot demands it. Well, at some point the whole operation comes out, when snf came to pick up dream after five years and they said hat he was never part of pandoras, cause he wasnt, he was part of hell in a box. Them raiding pandoras, dream fighting a bunch of heroes cause the warden told him to, till like he breaks out of it somehow and breaks down and emotional stuff and him getting saved and stuff. The most of the au happens after, him getting money as compensation, getting a job a cafe where foolish and puffy work at, him getting closer to the two that betrayed him, the drunz plot, etc. Etc. Him just getting his life back after losing his teenage years n stuff

Ill bite

For the ask game 2, 18, 21, 25 and 26.

ty for the ask ^^ if anyone wants, here's the link to the ask game!

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even): i dont mind either way, but i default to drawing peple facing my left, 3/4 and all that. idk if its easier tho, its just what i do instinctually xd

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken: i have several brushes that have been brutalized, a few times ive broken very thin fineliners (expensive ones too) and felt bad about it for years, plus i have a tendency to break pastels/pencils/crayons sometimes, cuz i press too hard or hold them too tight lol. also i once broke a marker tip. actually probably more than once.

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways: i love simple cartoony styles, especially ones with cool, exaggerated shapes, but i also love semi-realistic, detailed styles, thus my art ends up in this weird in-between state where i commit to neither :')

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by: anime. so many people (especially art teachers) say its anime. and like. at one point as a kid i did try to draw in an "anime" style but this was pretty recent. i remember one instance four years ago and once literally last month. luckly it wasnt said in a "kids these days" way or "dont draw like that" way, it was just like, an acknowledgement. maybe theyre right tho lmao.

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended:

okay this is a bit long, but in my 3rd year of art high school i had the principal as my design teacher for a year (the horror). she's this older lady and tho she acted nice for the most part, she could be rly mean (to this day idk if she said certain things on purpose to make us feel bad, or if she legit didnt know how degrading it sounded). she would often read into every little thing about a piece when it really wasnt that deep. or she would read into it and miss the point and come up with some other, out-there interpretation. she also liked to mention plagarism (asking us if we came up with everything ourselves and whatnot) and she would come up with some wild metaphors and symbols that were not really there. for example once she said that a window i drew made her think of imprisonment, because it looked like the bars of a cell, i guess. so this one time for an assigment i made a piece with four characters representing different emotions (happy, sad, angry and apathetic) and they all had colors assigned (yellow, blue, red and gray). it was only their heads visible and they had no real distinguishing features, just the planes of their face and a mouth to indicate a facial expression. i thought it was pretty straightforward, thought she would say it wasnt rly complex enough as a concept. like you know, emotions are a very simple idea and the colors were pretty basic, "blue for sad" is not exactly innovative. so anyway, she said it really made her think and might be interpreted as racist. didnt even pick up on the "emotions as colors" side of it all, despite it being the only real meaning i intended. she was fun, but only in retrospect.

tysm again for the questions :>

IS PARADOX LIVE THE ANIMATION GOING TO BE THE CATALYST THAT BRINGS ME BACK TO TUMBLR?????

i usually blab about these things with my irl friends but they don’t share my interests and i’m starting to fear i’m being too annoying 💀 SO. i figured i should return to the place where i used to be annoying about the things i like~

i don’t plan on making more ranty posts like this, i’ll just mainly be reblogging and quietly annoying in notes (my beloved feature of this site) i just wanted to give a fair warning and kinda explain myself with a bit of ranting heehee. sorry in advance 🫶

i’ve been a (casual? semi-casual??) fan since the time in-between JUSTICE and PRIDE and just seeing how much this franchise has grown just makes me so EMOTIONAL!!!

episode 1 made me F E R A L .

I REALLY WASNT EXPECTING SUCH GOOD QUALITY. AND 3D MODELS???? I WAS SCREAMING AND CRYING AND PAUSING AND REWINDING SO MUCHHH.

THE SOUNDTRACK. THE REFERENCES. THE FORESHADOWING. THE P A I N . THAT ONE KANATA FRAME LIKE FUCK OFFFF (im far behind in the drama so idk the exact situation bUT STILL.) AND POOR SHIKIIIII :((((((((((((

i couldn’t help but freak out and feel petty with all the BURAIKAN stuff tho, like we knew so little about them and now there’s so many bits about them thrown in episode one 🫠 gahhh

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

quick info about my relationship with the franchise incase whoever reads this is also into it (<-just an excuse to be more annoying since i’m already talking about it and have never done so publicly because i do acknowledge it has its issues)

• i keep up with the music releases but as stated i’m behind in the drama (last thing i listened to was VIBES part 1. i plan to catch up before the anime surpasses that point)

• i don’t vote cause collecting points seems like a hassle really (although i feel regret when the group i’m rooting for looses haha 🥲) (i tend to root for the songs i like better/fits the theme best)

• i’m a seiyuu fan and that highly contributed to me getting into paradox live. also the fact there’s utaite involved of course. (AmBitious!!! was my gateway and slowly realizing Murase Ayumu and 96Neko were singing together blew my MIND!!!) (pararai is also responsible for opening my eyes to Kajiwara Gakuto’s appeal hehehe)

• favorite group: BAE (if you couldn’t tell from the above) but as the groups and characters evolved i’ve come to love them all fairly equally (except a few which you could probably guess💀)

• favorite song by each group:

BAE - EmBlem!!! TCW - Shooting Arrows cozmez - Hit em up (i guess? i dont have a clear czmz fav) AKYR - ROWDIEZ -悪漢奴等 Wanted Vibes- BURAIKAN - BURAIKAN is Back VISTY - BE A STAR AMPRULE - Do as I say 1Nm8 - S∀G∀ (honorable mention: Itsuki’s 2nd part in BOH) GokuLuck - Trigger (Ryoga and Kenta’s parts win me over)

• songs i must mention: F△Bulous, BErmud△ Tri△nglE, Mercy On Me, Life is Beautiful, My Sweetest Love, The Sound of Voltage (stopping myself here before i list the whole discography)

• i watched the 1st stage play to fill the void of the inaccessible first Dope Show and i also watched the BAE & TCW show (for Kiyama Ryu) but that’s it… (maybe i’ll return if Takenaka Ryohei is casted in a 2nd gen group 👀) Fight For The PRIDE and Here We Go are certified bangers though

• i watched Dope Show 2 and 3 but cried hard over 3 i bought the night show but then i found out the matinee setlist had Shooting Arrows 😭😭😭 (if they do a 4th and decide to free stream 3 like they did 2 i PRAY it’s the matinee show 🙏 I WANNA SEE TERASHIMA JUNTA SHINE AS SHIKI. for 4 i’ll wait to see the setlist before buying a ticket)

OKAY BYE.

theres a manager filling in from another location today and he just reminds me of someone i used to know. i mean literally just a small, white, fairly attractive male lol but like theres just similar features and his demeanor idk its random. thinking back to the guy he reminds me of, i wasted so many tears on him lolol but its whatever it wouldnt have worked out anyways. it was just a nice mutual crush while it lasted. / edit: he was like myyy type. like not too masculine and more feminine. he had gauges and tattoos. wore a lot of black. he had greenish eyes and long lashes. liked to dye his hair. got a nose piercing. he liked art/photography and was a cat guy. he was a big weeb which at the time was a new thing for me? i wasnt into anime until we watched some of soul eater together and i was enjoying it. idk we liked each other a lot and flirted a lot but in person i was more reserved bc i was nervous as hell. it was my first date ever lol. but if i was with him now i feel like it still wouldve ended at some point. like first of all, hes a mega car guy. im talking like buying/selling cars all the time. building his own parts and taking it apart. doing races etc. like that doesnt interest me lol. he also told me he has emetophobia which gives him really bad anxiety and would impact what he eats so like i probs wouldnt be the greatest for him with that. so yeah things like that forced me to move on and i honestly had to point out some physical features that were eh, just so i could convince myself i didnt like him anymore lol. i will say tho, he did help me embrace and love myself more. first of all, he super liked me on tinder, which isnt a big deal but it adds to everything. he liked that i was asian and that was something i didnt like about myself until he changed my perspective i guess. it was an eye opening and interesting point of my life // 10.28.22