#the hurt/comfort fics do hit different tho
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every time i write this man’s internal monologue
#like. we need to get him in therapy his whole life is just one traumatizing event after another 😭😭😭😭#BRADLEYYYYYYY ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹#the hurt/comfort fics do hit different tho#bradley rooster bradshaw#bradley bradshaw#top gun maverick#tgm#carolcore
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jaded - chapter 4, carmy berzatto x reader
pairing + fandom: carmen “carmy” berzatto x fem!reader (she/her pronouns used), the bear fx
warnings: smoking mention, minors dni with this story please.
word count: 2k
a/n: ok literally i am the worst ever and i totally didn't finish this fic even tho i started it so im finally posting the last part literally MONTHS later!!! sorry besties but i couldn't have an unfinished fic out there in the world so... if u fuck w this story at all thank u for reading it and all the encouraging and nice things people have said, it literally made me want to complete this fic so thank u <3
summary: tying up loose ends.
and it's a fuckin' shame that it ended like that
you broke your own heart, but you'd never say that
we went to hell, but we never came back
masterlist | chapter 3
It all just feels numb.
Sun coming up over the horizon and a light snowfall onto the street below. Your home is quiet, no pans in the kitchen making French omelettes, no TV playing outside the bedroom door as you sleep. No toothbrushing in the bathroom or running shower water, warm and steamy, inviting you in.
It’s not that you weren’t expecting his answer. Or, lack thereof. It’s that he couldn’t make up his fucking mind. First, he’s cooking you an omelette in your favourite pan with a cup of coffee made exactly the way you like it. He’s spending every evening on the couch with you, your hands splayed out against his stomach, comfortable beneath the waistband of his sweats. You’re in his sweater, baking fresh warm cookies so he can have one before bed, smudges of chocolate against your lips as he pushes you up against the counter, hot skin on cold tile.
Next, he has that look on his face, where he’s somewhere else. Thinking of her, in a dreamland where he can make it right again, and it all feels like it comes crashing down. The sweet nothings don’t exist in this realm, there’s no happiness here.
And when you do have to face him on Monday, it’s back to cold shoulder, nothing different. Yes chef, no chef, thank you chef.
Sydney tries to make conversation, and you feel bad because you won’t bitch about Carmy like you usually would. Richie’s having secret meetings with Natalie, probably more about Claire, but you don’t even think to join in. It hurts, it hurts so fucking much, and it’s hard enough to go outside and take a fucking break from it all, let alone be in the same cramped kitchen with him. There’s no solitude, just aching, just disappointment.
“Did you order me a new cake pan, chef?” It’s directed at Tina, who looks up at you with the same wistful softness as she always does, smiling before nodding in your direction. You don’t hear her slide over to you, but when she suddenly appears at your station, you can tell she just knows something’s wrong.
“What’s up with you?” she asks, clipboard finding it’s way to the counter beside you, where a piping bag lays. “You’re not yourself. Something… wrong. Don’t tell me a boy did this to you.” The tears prick at your eyes and you swallow it all before you can get out a word, because yeah, it all fucking aches and the hurt feels like it’s sitting right behind your eyes, in your throat, ready to come out.
“It’s nothing. It is a boy but, boys are stupid and I’m not gonna cry over one,” you sniffle, before untying your apron and letting it hang loose on your body. “Not worth it.”
“It’s him, isn’t it?”
Your blood runs cold when she gestures just outside to the bright light of the door, where Carmy sits, phone in one hand, cigarette in the other.
Luckily the kitchen is empty when you reply, only so she can hear, “how did you know?”
“I saw the way you looked at him this morning.”
“Does anyone else know?”
“Fuck no. Between you and me, chef.”
You sighed relief, letting your front hit the counter as the stress left your body. “Thank fuck. Yeah, I don’t know, we were-“
“Fuckin’?” Tina’s got a sly smile on her face that makes it impossible not to laugh with her.
“Yeah, I guess. It felt like more than that. But apparently he’s still hung up on Claire so, I guess that ends it.”
She exhales slowly, joining you in a lean against the counter. “Jeff makes mistakes, everyone knows that. He’s moody and sad and he’s got fuckin’ problems, that kid, I tell ya.” She pauses for a second, eyes meeting yours, sincere. “But he’s good. I just don’t think he can handle himself, is all.” She takes a beat, letting her soft hand lay over yours, “He doesn’t let himself have the good shit because it always gets ruined. But you’re good. He’s scared of you.”
“He should be scared of me. I’m gonna fucking kill him,” you mutter, letting your floured hand meet your forehead in annoyance. “I’m not responsible for fixing his shit.”
She nods, agreeing with you, a hand cupping yours on the counter. “No, you’re not. I’m just saying he could use someone like you to bring him back to Earth, is all.”
-
When Carmy does make it back inside, he’s thumbing through paperwork at the desk, hand through his hair stressfully pulling at the strands. He’s trying so hard not to stare at you from where he’s sitting, noticing your cold gaze, somewhere far away. He takes out his phone to scroll through it mindlessly, procrastinating, when he meanders his way to the text icon and opens up your thread. A few texts here and there, mostly just asking about plans to come over, the occasional sexy photo or recipe idea.
[sunday, 10:26] they don't have fresh sourdough. should we just make some this aft?
[saturday, 4:35] i hate when you go in on saturdays
[saturday, 4:36] Photo Recieved
[saturday 4:36] don't you wish you were home with me?
[tuesday, 12:22] is balsamic glaze overdone? lmk. miss u.
It feels a little too domestic, seeing the way he so effortlessly became comfortable with you, a warmth and excitement that was just never there with Claire. It’s raw and it’s guilty and he’ll beat himself up over it forever, but it was never going to be perfect with her, no matter how hard he tried.
“Boss?”
Richie appears in the office, leaning against the door frame before noticing Carmy’s disheveled look. “Yeah?”
“You look worse than usual.”
“Thanks. What do you need?”
“Well, I was gonna ask if you ordered more eggs.”
“I, uh, yeah. Yeah, I think Sydney did.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
It’s like Richie could see right through him.
“Nothin’. Stupid shit.”
Richie steps into the office, leaving the door only slightly ajar.
“Cousin.”
Richie can be sweet when he wants to be, and when he’s got a hand on Carmy’s shoulder and a somber look in his eyes it’s like he already knows how Carmy feels.
“Why do I suck so bad at being a fuckin’ normal person?”
Richie sits next to him, a look of surprise. “Is this about Claire bear?”
“Yes, well - yeah, and also no. Kinda. I don’t know.”
“Is it about Miss Buttercream out there?”
He gestures to you outside the door, zesting some orange on top of the cake you were finishing up. Carmy stifles a laugh.
“We all know you’re porkin’ her.”
“Don’t say that,” Carmy laughs, hand coming up to his face to rub his eyes. “It’s more than that. We’ve been kinda, dating, I guess? I still don’t know what counts as having a girlfriend.”
“So what did you do?”
He gnaws at the skin of his thumb and lets his eyes flicker up to Richie’s. “Fucked it. Last night, I, uh,-“ his hand finds his warm forehead. “I really like her, like a lot. But she asked about Claire and I said the wrong thing, like I always do and uh, she didn’t like it.”
“She’s good,” Richie starts, letting his hands find his aproned thighs as he sits at the corner of the desk. “Claire was good for you too. But she didn’t… get it. Not like she does,” he gestured vaguely to your station outside the door. “Claire was never gonna get the restaurant and the kitchen and the fuck of it all.”
Richie's hand extends to cup Carmy's shoulder.
“Look, do whatever you want, but there isn’t really someone who matches you like she does. Claire’s history now, drunk phone calls don’t mean she’s still in love with you. If that’s what you were thinking.”
Carmy sits back in the creaky chair. “Nah, not that. I just don’t know how to do it right.”
“It’s not about doing it right,” Richie’s got sincerity in his eyes. “It’s about fuckin’… trying shit. Just go and make a move and see.” Carmy watches you hang up your apron on the hook and grab a hoodie before fucking outside. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks Richie.”
“Good luck.”
-
“I’m sorry.”
Carmy’s voice takes you out of your trance as you stare into the back alley of the restaurant. “Hi.”
“Can we talk?”
“You can talk, I’ll listen.”
The crackle of his lighter, orange flame against white snow. You can see his breath slipping from between his lips as he exhales out of the corner of your eye.
“I feel like a fuckin’ asshole,” he starts, plunging his other hand in his pocket. “I don’t know what to say.” A beat. “Can you look at me?” It’s gentle, a question, not a demand.
You turn to look at him. Cold blue eyes, darkened by the brightness around you. “You’re not second best to me. You’re it, this is it. I like this, I, I fuckin’,” he takes a breath, “I love… this. I want this.”
“You hurt my feelings, Carmen,” tears brimming your eyes and coating your lashes. “If you’re not done with Claire, I don’t… I don’t care. If I am your second choice, fine.”
“You’re not.”
“Even if I was. But don’t fuck me around if you don’t want me.”
“I do.”
“Are you sure? You weren’t sure last night.”
“I get it if you don’t trust me. I get it. I haven’t given you a reason to.” He searches for the right words, but chooses to take a tentative step towards you. “I’ll beg for you,” he’s quiet, unlike Carmy. “Anything.”
Your eyes meet his briefly, a soft smile pulling at your lip. “I’m not saying yes, okay?” He nods. “But I am saying I would appreciate a ride home tonight. If you’re serious.”
“I’m serious.”
“Good.”
-
The walk up to your apartment is easy. His heavy steps behind your light ones, hands sliding up the bannister as you unlock your door. He’s on your heels, a little behind. When he steps in your apartment, it’s familiar. Browned butter, vanilla, laundry.
“Do you want dinner?” He’s tentative, letting his shoes sit next to yours on the mat. His jacket goes up on the hooks by the door, together.
“Are you offering?”
“Yes.”
Carmy shows love through food, that’s how he always is. You can tell he’s feeling particularly sorry about it all because he’s bringing out a big pasta pot and a saucepan, pulling the only fresh ingredients left in your place and putting them next to the stove top. Your t-shirt finds its way into the laundry basket, an old sweater thrown over your bare skin.
You hate how normal it all feels, because it’s scary. To think of a domestic life with him, where there’s another girl lingering in the background of his thoughts that he has unfinished business with. Insecurities of who is better, prettier, happier, warmer… if he had the chance, would he leave? Would he jump ship?
He sits next to you while you eat, thighs against thighs, and comfortable silence blanketing your small apartment. He hasn’t gotten into one of the many pairs of pyjamas he’s left at your place, or taken his usual after-work shower, or taken out the frozen cookie dough to thaw. You can tell he’s not sure if he’s welcome here for good, yet.
When your food is done, he pushes the plates away and takes a calloused hand to wrap around yours. There’s sharpie marks small knife cuts on his fingers.
“Are you gonna stay the night?” You ask, still not meeting his gaze.
“Am I welcome to?” He doesn’t sound like himself, and you can feel his warm breath near the top of your head as you turn towards him. Your body collapses a little then, folding slightly at the middle to have your head fall right into the centre of his chest.
“Yes, Carmen,” you nod, letting your eyes flicker up to meet his. “You can stay for as long as you want.”
His hand slipped from yours then, sliding around your side and up your back. He pulled you into his embrace, lips wrapped around yours in a soft capture. Your hands found their way under his t-shirt, only slightly, his warm skin against the palms of your hands, pulling him impossibly closer.
And when you lay in bed with him that night, your face burrowed into the softness of his chest, you know the days of waking up alone are over.
#carmy berzatto fanfiction#carmy x reader#carmy berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto#the bear#the bear fx fanfic#the bear fx fanfiction#the bear fanfic#carmen berzatto x you#carmen berzatto fanfiction#carmen berzatto
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Stop, you’re losing me~ - two
—————————•。・゜ ゜・。_______________
pairing: idol! yoongi x vet!f reader.
Words: 8,5k
genre(s): angst, hurt- comfort, slow burn, fluff, smut (+18) (not this one tho)
au(s): childhood friends - to lovers, idol yoongi, normal vet reader, entertainment industry, denial and resentment.
Episode warnings: complicated relationship with food, description of diseases, curse words, family drama, grief, loss of loved ones, damaged mental health, a LOT of struggling.
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IMPORTANT: this fic contains a lot of sensitive topics touched upon explicitly. Please, if any of the tags trigger something in you, stop reading. You are more important, and there is much more content you can consume here. Take care please! ♡
enjoy!
—————————•。・゜ ゜・。_______________
main masterlist
—————————•。・. two゜・。________________
“Y/N, honey~”
Okay, wait. Here. It was from here where you remembered.
You were at home, in the bed that was almost yours. You cry just for that, under your sheets. Lucky you could remain silent; it was almost an empty cry at that point. Automatically, you were crying because that’s what you have to do.
You were exhausted. And you remembered having a bad feeling about all that situation.
“Not ready~”
“It's been a week.” Your mom closed the door, gently sitting on your bed and touching your back with a care that made you cry more. You were already drowning. “Did you think about a therapist yet?”
No. For a lot of things.
The first and most important is that you were already starting to improve a week ago. You haven't felt this miserable in months now, almost three. You had started to get up, eat better, and cry less. You talked, you walked, you wanted to laugh, to go out, to go back to work. Everything was fine. You didn't need a therapist.
Oh well, you did. At least you thought about going to one when you were already feeling better. You had the energy to want to be well and for this not to happen. Because the second was that now you didn't have the energy to try to lift yourself up in every way possible.
It was too heavy. But why. Why else would you have relapsed?
“How can you all be so… fine about it.” It wasn't retaliation, because everyone in that house was like that at the time, but you seemed to be the only one still there, and that frustrated you so much that it made things worse.
“We’re not.” You know. “We just know how to-“
“Live with the pain.” You end the sentence, revealing your face slowly to your mother. She looked tired and worried, but she still looked at you with love.
She brushed your hair out of your face, sighing and wiping away your tears softly. It was the only look of pity that you didn’t hate. You allowed it because you didn't have the heart to tell her that it bothered you. She was a mother; she couldn't help it.
“Your brother always told me to take care of you once he died.” She nodded, starting to cry. You haven't seen her cry in a long time. “He assured me that even if I were his mother, I would be able to understand it sooner and miss him differently than you. It's questionable, but that’s what he thought.” She took a breath, as if she had suddenly forgotten to breathe. What was he thinking when he said something like that to a mother? Many times you thought that Kija had no brains to boast about.
"'Don't let her die like this too.' " She quoted, “ ‘If I see her, whatever I end up to, I'm gonna hit her until she comes back to life." I’ll never forget how he told me that.” You smile a little. He also told you that in person days before.
“I've been remembering that non-stop all these months, but I realized that in the end, Y/N, I can't help you if you don't. Not because I don't want to; it's because I'm human, and I don't do miracles, honey.” You nodded like that didn’t hurt you, just because it was true. “I came here to let you know that we love you, we understand, and that if maybe I can’t do anything more for you, if you have a plan, I will always be here for you to help. It’s up to you from here, but you’re not alone.”
He prepared you for his death; everybody knows, what you were doing.
Why now. You were starting to make friends with the feeling that you were fine. You were in that stage of grief that isn’t too tragic.
What might have made you remember the loss as a thing in your life?
Of fucking course.
It took three days for you to use your little desire to continue like this and do something about it. Seun opened his eyes when he saw you entering the kitchen at breakfast, watching your movements cautiously.
“Where’s everybody.”
He blinks, chewing the cereal that was left in his mouth.
“All of them are in school; the rest of them are working.”
“What are you doing here, then?”
“What do you mean?”
“You still live at your parent's house without working? At 28?” He smiles. You were making fun of yourself as you said your age instead of his. He continued eating, calmer. “Embarrassing.”
“Guilty.” He says. “I needed the time, though. Things have been complicated lately.”
You looked at each other, and you thanked him for the gesture with your gaze, taking out a cup to make yourself some tea. Seun worked in Seoul. You didn't see him much, but he had been traveling home very often to see how everyone was doing in general after what happened, to see Jae too, and to be with his family more. Paradoxically, he was a lawyer, a very good and serious one, exaggeratedly contrary to what you were seeing right now, who wore a horrible duck shirt that he had worn as pajamas for as long as you can remember and always left at home, eating colored cereals in the bowl of one of your younger brothers.
When you went, nothing really belonged to you; all your things were already in your respective houses, but there was always room for you. Seun, being the second oldest, had left his room empty a long time ago, but he wore clothes that he had left in case he went.
Being there was like going back in time; you had taken your mother's clothes because you didn't go out much, and the ones you had there were no longer to your taste. The noises in the morning, hearing your mother sing from the kitchen, and seeing how they still danced together from time to time
It was nice.
You ended up eating the remains of yesterday's dinner with him at the inn, in silence. It was difficult for you to eat while like this; it was as if something in your chest prevented you from feeling any kind of human need. You left half the plate, and Seun after seeing that, took a breath.
“Eat that, and I’ll give you a prize.”
"Uh~ surprise me.”
You settled into the chair, ready to really listen to whatever it was. Seun was… you know.
“Dad asked me to take care of the garden outside.”
You frowned deeply, and you laughed because he was serious. “Great. Like when you were seventeen. I woke up with you complaining about it.” He made a face. “How would that be a prize?”
“It’s kind of fun, though. How about you come with me, hm? You don't have to do anything; eat that and just get some sun.
You didn’t eat it. But you go out still.
You didn’t even get dressed; you were still in pajamas, sitting on the grass, watching your brother cut leaves to shape bushes. Your father still took great care of that place; you could see that it was even better than before. He quite enjoyed it. You used to sit and look at him this way when you were younger.
“Didn’t know this could be emotional for you. You’re unbelievable.”
You laughed, wiping away your tears. It was stupid; you felt better, honestly.
“Sorry.”
“Sure.” He reached out to place a flower in your hair. It was small, white, the ones that fell from the tree that was right in the middle of everything. You smiled.
“How are you?”
“Better” you were, at least right now.
"Why did you get up today? What’s the occasion, hm?"
He walked away, beginning to pick up the remains on the floor. He was done.
“I just don’t want to feel terrible today.”
“Exiting.” He says this, stretching his back. “You know how hard it’s to force yourself to do that, kid? I am very happy to see you today. It's so brave of you. I'm serious.” It gave you a chill; you weren't used to hearing him talk like that. You simply nodded. “Here.” He gave you another flower; you play with it in your hands. “I'm going in to make lunch; are you coming with me? I can call you when it’s ready.
"No, I'm going to stay here."
Because it was quiet, you heard birds, and it didn't feel like your bed. You were a little desperate when your mother told you to go outside because you would feel better. The last thing you wanted was to get up, but you also hated that she was right.
You didn't open your eyes until you heard a noise that scared you, and it was almost bizarre to see Yoongi, standing with a garbage bag in his hand, looking at you without knowing what to do, giving all meaning to your search for triggers.
You blink. Maybe you were hallucinating.
Your gardens were together. His family hasn’t moved in all these years. The only thing you knew was that it was their property now, not like yours, which still rented the place. It had more floors than it used to, and instead of having old red wood walls like it used to, it was white and pretty. Yoongi had made sure that his family lived well. Many years ago, the house had been in constant repair; inside, it must have looked different too, but its patios still had no division.
Because they were neighbors, best friends, and family, sometimes they got together right there; why separate it? If they completely trusted each other, they could see each other more that way.
Why was Yoongi still in Daegu.
You couldn't find enough reasons for him to still be there. He must have been very busy doing his things, far, far from there, far from you.
And it was overwhelming to see him in that garden where you once saw him. It was difficult for you to make yourself believe that this person brought back that ugly feeling of looking like a lost cat.
You touch your chest.
He bowed. You had to cover the sun with one hand to be able to look at him better, and respond in the same way.
“You’re still here.” You say it quietly.
Yoongi had those eyes, unkind ones.
That and a sleepy look. He had always had them. If you hadn't known him since forever, you were sure that you would never have spoken to him, and if he did, you wouldn’t feel like speaking to him or maintaining any type of contact with him just because of his look. It was heavy, as if he was constantly having the worst time of his life, but by nature. His father had the same eyes and the same attitude; they communicated nothing with their expressions. At least that was what you knew—what you had stuck with.
But he looked at you in a way you didn't understand right now. That was one thing you didn't understand about the new Yoongi. Before, you used to catch him better because, although he expressed nothing with his eyes, you were the only one who could know how; you could read him in a certain way, and now he was just strange.
Softer. Almost warm but intimidating.
“Hm.” He didn’t move. “What are you doing, Park?" It was a mocking question, almost as if your brother had asked it, but with less emotion and coming from him, of course.
“Sunbathe.” You look dumb trying to look at him. The sun wouldn't let you. “It’s healthy from time to time," he tilted his head. “You need a little bit too. You’re too pale.”
He smirks, looking away, almost like taking the courage to ask. “Can I sit there, then?”
You analyzed the space with your eyes narrowed because you were trying to identify the natural division that existed between his patio and yours. Right on the floor, a few meters from you, there was a fairly thin cement line that divided the two spaces. You pointed your finger at it, moving a little closer so he could see it.
“Don't cross that line, and you'll be fine.”
Yoongi also squinted his eyes, looking at what could barely be seen on the ground. It took him a few seconds, but he managed to spot it and neutralize his gaze, lowering the hand he was using to block the sun coming from above. He snorted before approaching in silence.
You had forgotten what he looked like, and you wanted to say that during the day, with the sun on his face and casual, white clothes, he looked even better. He glows, and you want to punch him in the face.
“You don't fit in here anymore.” You said it simply. He leaned on his hands, leaning his body back, understanding that you didn't mean it with bad intentions. It was simply an observation, but he still didn't quite understand it.
“What do you mean?”
“Here, in Daegu.” He loses his eyes. “You look... expensive.”
You made him laugh unintentionally. Genuinely, he even sat properly so he could look at you. You were facing each other, a considerable distance away, divided by a line of asphalt covered by grass, but there it was.
“What?” That question makes you feel stupid.
“I don’t know, just- you look like you belong to another place. Too handsome and well dressed to be here.
“Ah~ handsome, huh?”
“Yes, Yoongi, too handsome.” It was a fact; he wasn’t stupid. He knows he’s attractive. You played with the flower between your fingers, feeling your heart begin to pound. You didn't even know why; you were sure he knew it wasn't his intention. You heard him laugh again. “You know what I mean.”
At least, you hope so.
“Maybe I don’t belong here anymore.” He says. When you looked up, he was playing with the grass between his fingers. “I don't feel welcome, either.”
“What are you doing here, then.”
He looked at you from there, raised his eyes for a few seconds, then closed them again. “I want to spend time with my family before enlisting. Hyung it’s going on his honeymoon in a few days, and... well, I'm running out of time.”
You had forgotten that.
You had to fight a lot not to ask when he was leaving, because it was two years, and although you hadn't seen him ten years ago, in a way you also had him constantly in your face, always. Now you wouldn't see him at all.
It was none of your business; why would you ask?
“That’s good.”
“You’re still living in he-?”
“Y/N, honey, hello. I thought you had returned to Busan since I didn't see you leave the house. You look tired; are you okay?”
You jumped for that.
“Hello, Mrs. Min. I’m, thank you.”
You had always been surprised by how intimidating that woman seemed to you and how much she loved you. She seemed more loving right now; maybe her age had made her softer, but in her younger days, every time she spoke to you, it was terrible for you. She always spoke to you as if she were making fun of you, with the most beautiful voice you had ever heard and the most studied words there were for a cordial conversation. Over time, you learned that it was genuine happiness, like right now.
“Then why-“
“Mom.” Yoongi stops her, and you realize.
You looked bad, perhaps unstable enough if it was at first glance. You did look tired; you hadn't slept well in months; you were still in your pajamas; and your hair was tied up. You hoped it wouldn't matter to you; you wish it were that way.
You had a flower on your head, at least.
“It's okay.” You told him, more for him than for her, and he looked at you, remaining silent for a few seconds. When you heard the woman's voice again, you were still sharing a look, surprisingly.
“Sorry. I was about to go to your house. I know your mom's working, but Seun it’s at home, isn’t he?” You finally looked at her and nodded, smiling slightly at her.
“Yeah.” It was weird, almost like she was checking to make sure you weren't alone. “Do you want me to leave her a message, Mrs. Min?”
“Oh no! It’s okay. I'll go tonight, but also," you take a deep breath. “It was just to invite you all to dinner tomorrow. Jae will be leaving in a few days, and the rest of his time will be spent with friends, so we can have dinner as a family.”
“I- don’t know. I’ll ask them-“
“I'm telling you, honey.” And you wish she didn’t. “Would you like to come? I know… You've had a tough time, and in the whole year you've been here, I've only seen you twice. We want to help.”
There it is. And just because you wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, you smiled slightly and nodded. You only had those types of reactions at the beginning, when the topic was mentioned. You hate to have them again now. It was directly a discomfort that made you want to sink into the ground because it made you cry instantly and peel off your skin in one go. It was extremely uncomfortable.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want. Just think about it, okay?”
You said your goodbyes; she kissed your forehead and left, leaving you two alone again in an awkward silence. Yoongi didn't have pity in his eyes now, but it was as if he had been reminded of something he had done wrong.
“I can tell them you couldn’t make it.”
“No need to.” You tore up the grass by a handful. Why did everyone think you couldn't do anything for yourself? “I will go. I miss your father's cooking.”
“Okay.” Another silence. “I’m sorry about that. She doesn't have any bad intentions; she cares. She doesn't even treat me the way she treats you."
You smiled a little, and for some reason, your heart started to beat less hard. Just as fast, but it didn't make you want to die. And you didn't like that.
“No problems.” You say, getting up. "It looks like I do fit in here anyway.” You shook yourself for nothing exactly; it was just to feel less uncomfortable as he watched your movements, and you looked at him as you walked to the entrance of your house. He had a lopsided smile, soft eyes, and the flower Seun had given you between his fingers. “you still have twenty minutes left.”
He smiled at you, knowing that you were running away. Still, he didn't stop you.
That was one. The next one was a little less exciting.
—
You weren’t an events' person.
Not because you felt too bad to attend social things; in fact, you had discovered that it was very efficient at not making you think too much. Being alone was the worst thing you could do, but you didn't like going. It felt almost like a charity event since Kija died; at least that's how it felt. Seun told you it wasn't like that at all, but you feel like it.
Like a charity object.
They give you extra food, extra attention, extra compliments, and the comfiest chair. And it was nice sometimes, but today you didn’t want that to happen.
"So... you want the red one or the purple one?” You held them both up, showing them to your sister in the mirror.
“What do you think?”
“I think… I like the purple one.” She didn't seem to like your decision, so you had to convince her. “ Look, it has flowers and sparkles inside. “You’ll look cool, don’t you think?”
“But it doesn't match my outfit~” Hyunji whines, and you smile, pushing away the purple hair tie to comb her hair into a ponytail again. You'd end up convincing her anyway.
“What do you mean? You have purple here.” On her shirt. It was yellow on its own, but it had purple bubbles, and even though the basic style doesn’t work like that, it seemed to make sense to her child's brain.
“You’re right… Okay!” She says, playing with her doll again.
Living with children always makes you wish life was that easy sometimes.
Hyunji has a twin too. It was because your father was a twin of another; the gene was there. They were the youngest in the family, and you had been combing their hair all year. It was complicated because every time they did it, they were together, and they reminded you of the dynamic you had had with Kija your whole life.
At that point, it didn't hurt you so much anymore. The first few times, it had been complicated for you to see, but now the other twin was in the other room, and she had no one else to talk to other than her doll. Nara, your other sister, enters the room.
“You’ll go?” You were dressed.
"Uh-hu,” you responded, checking that everything was in order in the mirror.
“Yoongi will be there.”
"I know." You spoke with the purple garter between your teeth, so your voice came out funny. “Are you going?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Yoongi will be there.” She rolled her eyes as she turned to the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub, leaning against the wall. You laughed softly.
“Not you too.”
Nara wasn't particularly a fan of his group, at least not at first. Since you hadn't been paying much attention, you didn't really know what the story was like, but apparently, she was starting to listen to them recently, and she genuinely didn't believe that this was the Yoongi she remembered. Now all her siblings were bothering her for refusing to do so.
“I didn’t know! Stop. It's almost overwhelming to see him leave the house sometimes. Last week, I met him twice! Here! In this town, Y/N! He looks like-“
“He doesn't belong in here.” You mumbled, and Nara nodded at you, wrinkling her nose.
“Nothing good ever happens here; this is too much for me.”
And for you too. But you didn’t say that out loud.
“Go on, kid. Call your sister.” Hyunji thanked you and ran off to find the other twin. You stretched your back.
“Can you tell me what happened between you two?” You scoff, sorting out the chaos you had made to find the purple ribbon in the box your mother had for them.
“Why do you want to know? It’s not that exciting.”
“There's no way.” She got comfortable, almost as if emphasizing her words. “Everybody in this family knows it's something happening to him and you, but nobody asked because they say you stopped crying about it like yesterday.” You laughed at the exaggeration. "Tell me."
“Well.” You took Ara, the other girl who had already been talking about how she wanted her hair, to sit her in the chair that you had placed on the sink counter, so you could see them better. Your mother always did it, and you didn't understand why. It was too unsafe. "The same thing as your sister?”
"No! I want them... like this.” She held up two fingers to you, and you nodded, wetting his hair and carefully untangling it. Ara liked to wear her hair long, so it took you longer, and you were already starting to get tired.
“We were friends, best friends, and things ended. That's all."
It took a second for the teen to sigh and start complaining about how little information you had given her. But you didn't like to talk about it. Not because you couldn't, but because it was something you already had behind you, very far behind. You didn't feel like it was any use to you to talk to anyone about it.
“Did you two kiss at least?"
“Yeah, we did."
Now, she looks excited.
“So you two date!”
“No. We didn’t.”
“Hm, date, but didn’t formalize anything?”
“No.”
“Friends with benefits?”
“Hm~ no.”
“Fuckbuddys?”
“Jesus Nara. How old are you? Twelve?”
She rolled her eyes, briefly looking at her cell phone”
"Haha. Why are you responding like Seun now? Don't do that; we have more than enough with one.” You responded to something the youngest was telling you, and you handed her a jar of cotton balls that she was asking for. “And I'm seventeen. “So you can tell me if you two were only fu-”
"Well, she, right here it's seven, Nara. So don’t say that ever again.” You saw her grimace in the mirror. “And we were friends. Best friends. Friends don’t- yeah.”
At least that’s what he told you. That you were friends.
“Friends don’t kiss either.”
And you told him that, too.
“I know.”
“Hm.” It seemed as if she didn't want to ask more, perhaps knowing that with the background she had, nothing could end well.
“I’m okay, though. I don't see the need to talk about it now. Yes, I suffered a lot because of it, but that's it; things are the way they are now.”
You had even realized that being around him didn't affect you like you thought. On the day of your wedding, you were sensitive; you knew it; you were predisposed to have a bad time. Now that you are at home with your family, what could go wrong?
“Do you plan to go dressed like that, then?”
“Hm?” You looked at yourself in the mirror in front of you, starting your sister's last ponytail. “What's wrong with it?”
“You’re kidding? You’re literally using mom's clothes.”
Yes, but because yours doesn’t fit in with you like they used to.
“I think it's pretty.” You defend yourself, but not really, finishing your job and taking the creature down from the inn. You heard her say thank you as Nara took your arm. "What-“
“Y/N, I won't allow you to go see your celebrity-famous ex dressed like that, without makeup and wearing ladies' shoes. You even did your hair! Come here.”
“He’s not-“
“Yes, wherever.”
She ended up dressing you in your clothes. Nice clothes of yours that you haven't worn in a while, but they made you feel pretty. Then she tried to do your makeup herself, but you knew how to do it yourself, so you ended up giving in. Your mother scolded them because they were late, and Nara left home with a smile on her face.
And you look beautiful. Yoongi thinks that when he saw you enter the house with one tween in your arms and a baby blue cardigan on you,
Of course, you were wearing baby blue.
“Do you think Seun will hit me in the face tonight if he gets drunk enough?” Yoongi asked his brother, receiving the beer he offered him. They could stop by to say hello later. The Parks had always been a lot of people; they had time to greet their parents first. Eun snorts before Jae can say anything.
“He doesn’t have to get drunk for that. You’re currently hurting the two people who matter most to him just by your existence. What do you think will happen?"
He agreed with a gesture, opening the bottle and taking a long drink. Yoongi didn't really like beer, but he would need it today.
“Well, I think,” Jae emphasized himself, shoving another beer into Yoongi's chest for him to hold. He was pulling out some to offer, he assumed. “that you can always talk to them to make them understand. Just like you did with the two of us.”
Make them understand. The problem was that neither of you seemed open to listening, which was fine, but oh well.
Yoongi had taken it upon himself all those days to fix as much as he could in that stretch of time. He had a different way of thinking and handling things, and he was too old to have unresolved issues. He didn't know if it was because he had time before he left or because Daegu and his house, his parents, and the streets where he walked for so long, dragging a useless dream, brought his emotions to the surface.
With you, it was different because he saw you, and it was difficult for him to remember all that he did wrong.
He had been thinking. Enough to have him overwhelmed in so few days, and while apologizing to Eun, for example, for having been so absent in her and her brother's lives, or to his parents, for... exactly the same thing, he saw you, and he knew that it wasn't just him who had to ask for forgiveness.
“They’re good at listening and apologizing for things they have done before. You're a lucky bastard to have to apologize to the most understanding people on earth.”
Eun had found it difficult to forgive him. She spent maybe a week talking to him, thinking about it, talking about it with Jae, and coming to the conclusion that, in fact, he had changed a lot and had given him an opportunity that he was sure he could fulfill. Yoongi was genuinely in another stage of his life, but having things to take care of was exhausting.
He realized more things that night at dinner as well. He didn't know the youngest members of the family, but they turned out to be quite shy compared to all of you, and talking to your family in general was quite easy. Not only that, but he didn't feel strange, out of place, or treated differently for who he was now; catching up with your parents and siblings was nice. Yoongi felt good”
“I would love to, Mr. Park, but I um, I return to Seoul tomorrow. I have commitments there before I leave for service.”
Nara had her birthday in a few days, and they were going to throw her a party. They were inviting Yoongi. He didn't know why his throat hurt from saying no lately. He was never a complacent person.
“Tomorrow? That soon? Will you enlist soon?”
It was impressive how those had been the first words Seun had spoken to Yoongi all night.
“No, it’s- not about that. I have work stuff. recording and practice.”
After that, he started answering questions about his life, which wasn't necessarily a bother. It was okay; he knew your family didn't have bad intentions either. He noticed it.
He also noticed that you barely touched your food.
“Can we talk?” You asked him when you were clearing up the dishes in the kitchen. ‘Sure’ and you took him outside because there was too much noise inside.
"So... you return to Seoul tomorrow."
You look disturbed, but he doesn’t hurry you.
“Hm.” He responded in affirmation. “My last concert is soon, and I have things to take care of before that.”
“Awesome.”
You look untouched by the situation. By everything. As if you were there by protocol. You hadn't laughed genuinely all night; you just smiled and responded kindly, briefly at that, knowing how much you liked to talk.
He didn't want to say that it had to affect you, but it was as if you had no reaction in your body. Quite the opposite of when he saw you at marriage, where you were with all your feelings on the surface. And he was worried. He has no right to be, though.
“I thought you missed my father’s food.” He tries, and you look confused at him.
“I did it.”
“You barely touch it.”
“Well, that’s none of your business.”
Oh, well.
You covered your face. Yoongi heard you sigh.
“Sorry.” You say.
He nodded, calm. At least trying.
“Didn’t mean to be disrespectful, either. It’s okay.”
Then he waited.
Enough. It was almost ten minutes of pure silence in which you thought about what you would say, and he smoked because you made him nervous and made him want to be doing anything but being aware that you were there.
"Okay," you say. Your words sounded loose. As if you were complaining about something. “Before seeing you that day, at the wedding," you start. “I was fine. I was feeling okay. I was- eating very well, I was starting to go out more, and I had this... silly feeling in my chest that maybe this situation wouldn't mean the end of my days, my life, and that I could do things by myself.”
Yoongi settled back in his place, attentive. It was just that he didn't understand, but he wanted to.
“I knew you would be there.”
“Yeah. Jae, he mentioned something to me.” After the weeding, of course. He would’ve liked to know that, too.
“Yes. So I mentally prepared myself for that, to see you, because it affects me to do so, and I thought I had handled it well that day. It didn't add up to me, because I spent weeks thinking about it and preparing myself for things that didn't happen and would have made everything much worse. I felt bad again, and I started to think a lot about... everything. About Kidja's death and what would happen to me without him in my life. It wasn't even about you. I had gone back to my beginning of grief, Yoongi. And I didn't understand why all the effort I had made to be well was gone so suddenly.”
He blinks. A lot of times.
“I’m- not understanding.“
“I have this theory.” Okay. “When you left, I had this same reaction. I don't really want to compare them because they are different in very big ways, but it reminded me of a lot of things, and seeing you there... I wanted to ask you not to leave. Not again, not like everyone has done it recently, so I can feel better.” His heart was a mess; this information was too much. “And it's stupid, because I don't know you, and I can't trust you, and the fact that you're here does me any good.”
“Y/N.” He insisted.
“I just want to put an end to this.” He could swear you were shaking. “Forever.”
Yoongi's head was going very fast; he felt somewhere else, something surreal. He had lived peacefully for a long time; his heart almost burst out when he heard you say a few more things, like you didn't blame him for anything, but you needed to know that he wouldn't be there anymore, and when you wished him a good life, he went a little crazy because you were leaving.
“Wait!” He was in a rush for some reason. “Just like that? May I… apologize for everything at least?”
He saw how many things went through your head, and he was desperate not to be able to know what. You took your distance before you talked.
“Yoongi, I don’t care.”
Now he was mad. You were acting like a child; resentment was speaking for you. He didn't blame you, at least not entirely, because he knew you were smarter than this. You had more valid, more accurate, and even stronger answers, but you were deciding to run away.
That wasn't what really bothered Yoongi, but the fact that you didn't tell him directly, like you would.
“If you want to live, then do it. But give me a voice too; I'm involved too.”
You snorted and crossed your arms to look at him with a smile on your face.
His blood boiled.
“You know what? Forget it. Have a good night.”
“Oh fantastic.” You move fast, getting closer to his garden but staying on the other side of the small line that divides it. Yoongi stopped, now not willing to listen to anything, nor to say anything constructive, really. “So you’re mad now?”
“It’s just—you're so stubborn! I’m trying to do something here!”
“And what do you want me to do, Yoongi?! Hug you and dry your fucking celebrity tears and tell you that the fact that you broke my heart like it wasn’t a big deal was okay? Oh, so now you want to be involved. You’re living tomorrow! And you want to fix things now? Shut up. You’re doing the exact same thing you did when you left.”
Your voice broke off as you swallowed the lump that had formed in your throat. Yoongi sighed, closing his eyes.
“We both did things wrong; I just wanted to talk about it before… that's all.”
“Everyone suddenly wants to talk about it.” It wasn't cold outside. Daegu wasn't a cold place, but you hugged yourself and cringed as if it were. “Everyone asks me what happened between us and why we stopped talking. Your father apologized to me in your place today too; he told me that whatever happened, he hoped we could fix it.”
Yes, I had told him that too, since it happened years ago, honestly.
“But I don't see any sense in it. Why talk about something that is already broken? Why do you insist? I just want to close this, okay? It was already dead; leave it like this.”
Yoongi took a moment, because it was true. But you look too real in front of him, and that makes him weak.
“So we can heal, can't we? That’s why you are doing this.” Your eyes look at him. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I had no choice.”
"Yes, you did.” You cut him off. “Do things right, or do things wrong. Those were your options. And you chose.”
Because you had always understood that he was leaving and that Yoongi had bigger things to do outside that place, and you were happy about that, but he didn't tell you until one day before he left forever.
He was completely blinded by having signed recently, by having an opportunity, by doing what he liked, and by the promises that were being made to him. Leaving everything behind, his parents, who did not believe in him, his "friends” who constantly told him that he would not make it, in that place that hurt him so much only excited him.
And unfortunately, you found yourself involved just by being part of that place.
“I know. And I’m really sorry.” You closed your eyes, and you denied it slightly. As if you didn't want to hear those words. “I understand that I made a mistake back then; I was young and dumb, and I- didn’t- I’m not the same person right now. I’m really sorry. I mean it.”
So... insignificant.
“Why.” And that was the question he didn’t want to hear. “So you can feel better about yourself, or because you're doing me a favor? Why now, Yoongi. If you hadn't seen me that day at the wedding, would you have traveled all the way here just to apologize before you left?”
No. The answer was no.
It wasn't something Yoongi thought about much. In all those years, he had convinced himself that he had done what he had done because sometimes in life, you have to be selfish to prioritize your well-being as a person. To put himself first over others because he had a dream, and fulfilling it meant sacrifices.
He hadn't done anything wrong, you know?
Now he apologized only because he saw you sick, and he felt guilty because he knew that it had affected you more than him. He was stupid because he blindly believed that the fact that he apologized would mean something less in your life, even if he didn't know how important you were to the whole thing itself. And you were sad and depressed, and you had big dark circles in your eyes, and you weren't eating well. You didn't really smile, you had a hard time getting up, and he hadn't seen you leave the house even once in all the time you had been there.
He felt responsible.
He did it because it left him and only him clean. He was being selfish.
He kept quiet. He wouldn't admit it out loud.
“I spent nine years of my life on pause waiting for you to care enough to come back to this damn city, so we could fix things. To talk about it. But that was nine years ago, and it’s a little too late right now.”
"I'm,” he stops, getting close to you, pressing his words in his throat so as not to have to raise his voice. “apologizing.”
“Well, you’re not forgiven.” He tense.
“For something I made when I was a teen? I don’t know, but you made some dumb shit back then too.
You kept quiet about that. It was true.
“You don’t seem to mind too much, though.”
“And what do you know about how I feel?”
Because maybe the fact that it didn't stop his life completely was something, but ignoring it didn't mean that it didn't hurt him either.
“Nothing.” A whisper. “I just- I don’t know, okay? But that stupid thing you did as a teen still hurts me and haunts me to this day, and you- I continued to believe that you would have the decency to come to my twin’s funeral. it’s- all that, everything, that’s just my fault.” You firmly acknowledged it. “But I would’ve to be so stupid to believe that you are still that person, because people change, and we were very young, and that’s fine, but Yoongi.” You touch his chest, or at least you had the intention because you didn't get to do it. You stopped and backed away a little. “The problem here is that you still don't care enough. You didn't even want to come here of your own free will... And that's fine, but don't come and- try to talk to me as if that were the case.
Your eyes soften, and so do Yoongi’s, because you do that when you want to cry.
When you cry, you’re completely harmless; that’s what he knows. If you cry out of anger, happiness, or even just empathy, any emotion automatically transforms into sadness. You leave yourself vulnerable; that's why you didn't allow it in arguments; it was losing instantly.
So you put yourself back together.
“That's fucked up, Min, and I don't need to forgive you to live in peace; I don’t want this; I don’t need your apologies; I don’t want to have any kind of contact with you because I don’t want you in my life anymore.”
“Then why are you still here?"
He can smell your perfume from how close you two are to each other now.
So he realizes.
It was difficult for him to have you so close. Because he felt the heat of your body, and your breathing was agitated. He remembered the touch from when he touched you at the wedding and squeezed his hand so as not to claim it again. His eyes traveled to your lips accidentally, twice trying to stop them without success, nor to his body as he moved forward, seeking to kiss you directly. He stops himself with all the strength he had and a little more, but you didn't move either.
You were both too dazed, feeling the tension in the air. As Yoongi looked at your lips again, this time closer to you, as you licked yours, trying to feel something. He breathed hard, like a bull, feeling almost dizzy. Yoongi had never wanted something so much in his life, and you weren't helping.
You looked down too, raising big eyes to the level of his before whispering, ever so slightly, to answer his question, and Yoongi couldn't believe you existed, looking like this.
He was fucked up.
“I still have a lot of appreciation for you, Yoongi.” You say. “And I respect you enough to do things right.” He closes his eyes when you distance yourself. There was nothing more to do. “I'm still here, but doing all this, doing things you don't want to do, lying to yourself, lying to me?... you're losing me.”
His eyes were wide open. You looked at him with sadness because you were crying.
“Leave it as it is, and keep the small part of me you still have with you. Because if you keep trying, I’m gone.”
And maybe that was what you both needed. A closure, a proper goodbye.
The problem was that neither of you had said goodbye, technically.
-
Big big brother, lovely and always available, Seun 💪🏻 - 1:32
‘How is it?’
‘Spooky?’
1:40
‘u’re allergic to dust, kid. You need a hand? 👋🏻👋🏻’
There were so many things you regretted in life.
One of them was to regain the closeness you had with Seun having so many brothers to choose from. Because he was sweet, yes. Maybe if you didn't have him there (knowing that you often live in fear of losing the people you love, it was very clear to you), you would miss him a lot, but he could be very annoying at times.
Don't judge yourself by the contact name by the way. He had set himself up that way, and every time you tried to change him, he found a way to make it longer.
You - 1:41
‘Sure, want you here in ten minutes.’
Big big brother, lovely and always available, Seun 💪🏻 - 1:43
‘Don't tempt meee’
‘You know I’m crazy, right?’
You stopped him immediately, telling him that you were fine, that everything looked fine, and that he shouldn't worry.
It was a two-hour trip. And it wasn't a lie that you were okay.
Moving to Busan was your idea; maybe two years before Kija relapsed and got sick, he wouldn't stop getting worse. He followed you with nothing in mind because, unlike you, he hadn’t been able to study anything. His health was weak, and that weakened his mind as well.
You wanted to get him out of that mentality, to meet people, to go out, and perhaps to look for a job that would help him understand that he could do things well. And you did it, or, well, he did. You didn't see much of the many people he had plans with; he worked in a café near your apartment that was still there; they had even remodeled it. He had a boyfriend, money; you two were together, you always laughed.
It was when you began to set up your clinic (because that was what you had gone to Busan for, aside) in the city that he began to cough very lightly, almost like a cold, and when you took him to see the place where you would start to build your first dream, he passed out at night when they were trying to clean the place. After that, he didn't stop coughing until that same cough took his breath away completely.
You thought he would get better, he looked weak but fine. He talked, he ate, and he didn't sleep as much as he does when he gets that sick. The only thing that told you that he was really struggling was the blood in his cough and that sometimes, when he got up to go to the bathroom, he would call you out of breath because just getting out of bed was too much for him. He was in serious condition, but you didn't think you would have him with you for so little time.
“Open that thing, Y/N. You have everything you need. You’re smart, you’re pretty, and your lungs work wonderfully. Sorry you don’t have any excuses.”
He spent the last days of his life there, in that apartment that you didn't want to return to, because now your whole family wasn't sleeping on the floor, nor was your mother's voice singing to him while everyone was sleeping, and he couldn't do it because the pain was killing him slowly, nor was your father offering you help to open that damn clinic.
Kija died two days before opening it, and he swore he would be there when you did. You believed him.
The door to his room was closed now. When you came into the apartment, it smelled musty, and there were many letters on the floor that were passed under the door while you were gone. His shoes were on the shoe rack at the entrance; your mother must have forgotten them when she cleaned, so you sat there when you arrived; you weren't ready.
It was when Seun spoke to you that you decided to enter the things you were missing.
And you clean the place. You dusted, packed your things, and called the clinic to inform that you were going to return to work that week. You were the boss anyway.
Maybe it was you deceiving yourself, but the more you looked for discomfort within yourself, you couldn't find it. You thought that facing that place would be more complicated, but there you were.
In Busan, and in Busan you didn't want to die.
“I trust him.” Kija could barely speak; he was intubated and medicated, sitting right where you were now, waiting for the medication to completely wear off.
You had stopped talking about it hours ago, that was when you understood that your confession had been hanging around in his head.
‘I have been thinking about Yoongi lately. I think I'll- need him when you’re gone.’
“Text him.” He told you.
You had already told him it was impossible. You had even told him possibilities of a schedule of imaginary activities that he would have at that moment.
“Kija, forget it.”
“I trust him.” He repeated. “He’ll come. He cares about you still, I know.”
You had believed him, and you had smiled slightly at the thought of a possibility.
Now you’re disappointed. It was dimly lit, it was starting to get cold, and your hands covered your face because, wrapped in, now, a gray room, you were giving Yoongi tears for the first time in years.
And Yoongi's tears were different from Kija's. They felt old, meaningless, but they weren’t automatic.
You sob, because maybe this way you could do this the last time you cry about it.
—————————•。・. ゜・。_______________
one masterlist
—————————•。・. ゜・。_______________
taglist: @constancelayon @baechugff @wobblewobble822 @honsoolgloss @alienchickenpoop @idkjustlovingbts @jjkluver7 @cuntessaiii @baechugff @junniesoleilkth
#yoongi angst#bts fic#yoongi au#yoongi fic#yoongi smut#yoongi x you#bts yoongi#min yoongi#yoongi fanfic#yoongi series#suga series#yoongi scenarios#min yoongi smut#idol yoongi#bangtang x reader#bts headcanons#bts scenarios#vet reader
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Have some fnaf au DCA guys to break up my original content hehe. I've been sitting on these guys for a long while and wasn't comfortable with drawing the dca for quite some time( if you see my old au no you don't, i tried to make it in a time when I hated how I drew and ended up falling flat on that project) but my Ghost in the Machine by @/venomousqwille (go read that fic btw it's so fucking good and has fundamentally changed my life) rocketed me into hyperfixating and learning how to draw them, so have my own AU guys. More info under the cut!
They were from a fazbears in canada, not actually daycare attendants but performers in the theatre for kids music. Like the music in really young kids shows that teach them simple lessons. They were only in the daycare itself (which had human staff) when bringing kids to and from the theatre.
A virus swept through the whole plex and effected all of the bots, and since these guys weren't on their own nothing extreme happened (though a couple kids did get traumatized from scary performances and a couple parents did get hurt). After that virus was fixed it left the bots, the DCA's especially different, more aware of themselves in a way. Which kinda sucks because they realize dhow shit their existence was, and not long after that Fazco went under. The bots were auctioned off for money and a small record label managed to get their hand on all three of the DCAs in a plan to grow their label and have recognizable, not human performers. They got modifications and fixed up, made new and dropping the clown and child star looks to instead be more rockstar (the piercings and more punk look are entirely on the bots themselves btw,) And a few test songs and albums were made. With the growing synth rights happening they got a but more freedom in what they could do, tho were still owned by the record, and with the massive success of their music decided to change up their style and look to be more punk rock and hard rock. It was a hit, and the bots got a tour gig. With that style change also came the name changes, they chose their own names and fans loved it even more to see their fave synths giving themself identity.
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thank u @zenstrike for the tag <333333333 i see ur mic and i'm elated about it
1. how many works do you have on ao3?
185! but i haven't updated in like a week and a half so we're probably closer to 190
2. what’s your total ao3 word count?
556,104. i am very excited to watch it jump up when i finally finish my longfic teehee
3. what fandoms do you write for?
literally just voltron lol. well not counting baby me's wattpad lol. i started writing almost two years ago and just went ham basically. i've been intentionally avoiding things that i know i will get hyperfixated on bc i don't want to stop my writing obsession lol
4. what are your top five fics by kudos?
ooooou i'm excited to check. i know it's changed quite a bit over time. i usually sort them by hits!
i will grind you to sand (beneath my louboutin heels) [voltron, 2573 words]: bamf lance fic where i give him a revolver and let him go ham basically
mr. snuggles [voltron, 1656 words]: one of my very earliest fics! lance, lover of weirdo animals, finds a demonic cat-sized spider and adopts it despite his friend's freakouts
he might not look like he gets bitches (but honey that dick was eleven inches) [voltron, 1136 words]: this one is so dorky lol but it's just secret relationship klance coming to light in the most embarrassing possible way
does anyone know where the love of god goes (when the waves turn the minutes to hours) [voltron, 4283]: a canon divergence au where lance is a seer and convinces the skeptics on his team of his abilities by ending the war
this is the part of me that you're never gonna ever get away) [voltron, 3262 words]: a lance & shiro hurt/comfort with a small autistic lance character study! i'm very proud of this one
5. do you respond to comments?
i definitely do on tumblr! it's one of the first things i do when i wake up actually. on ao3, though...i'm pretty sure i have about eight hundred unanswered comments sitting in my inbox 💀 it's an ongoing issue
6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
i'm almost sure it's this post-game show lance leaving fic, because i got comments and asks for weeks begging me to write a happy ending lol. but this fic from the hana universe, from when keith is little and shiro is fighting for custody and they haven't figured things out yet. that one is sad. this dream pov adashi fic is also sad and has no happy ending bc, you know. shiro is in space and adam thinks he's dead and everything. my loneliest series is also still in progress and as such there is no happy ending. and this is my earliest angsty-ending fic with MCD
7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
oh god pretty much everything i write has a happy ending?? if i’m being serious?? frankly i don’t do a lot of linear plot. i just write Scenes that are vaguely connected. BUT my h2o fic had a plot that ended happily, as did my cowboy fic, but truly i’m more of a slice of life kinda gal. all my active wips are plot-driven, though, and i plan for all of them to end happily.
8. do you get hate on fics?
oh god yeah. i get it on brown eyed lance, autistic lance, adhd keith, allura just in general (are you sensing a pattern), my refusal to use readmores, and lately just some demands for me to write differently/more?? most of it is just funny so i post it to goof on it lol, but some of it i just delete and pout about until i forget about it 💀
9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?
yes and it’s nasty and i will literally never ever post it. although i guess i’ve written some softer stuff that’s more allusion than anything, like in my loneliest series.
10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?
not anymore, but i did when i was a kid?? i think i wrote a pjo/hoo/divergent/the mortal instruments/homestuck/a bunch of other shit fic when i was 13. i’ve successfully blocked that era out of my mind tho so i’m not sure. i do a lot of insane aus, tho. i wrote a fic based off a country song written in the sixties. so.
11. have you ever had a fic stolen?
i’ve had people write continuations of my wips?? which i didn’t rly like. i just ignored it.
12. have you ever had a fic translated?
someone has asked me about translating a fic before! haven’t heard anything since tho.
13. have you ever co-written a fic before?
i have tried. i’m not very good at it. i have very Specific ideas about things and can be very controlling, so it’s honestly better that i don’t lol.
14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?
klance, easy. been in the trenches of this goddamn fandom since i was 13 years of age. it’s been a Journey.
15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
god, the butterfly effect. i get people asking me to update all the time and i genuinely feel bad, because i have absolutely no ideas or plans for it. i might try to come up with an ending of some kind?? but i wrote that like two years ago, so i have changed a LOT about my writing since then.
16. what are your writing strengths?
dialogue and humour, i think. and sometimes writing lack of emotional communication (if that makes sense — i like to try and write around an emotion).
17. what are your writing weaknesses?
i over explain a lot. and i overuse dialog ur tags sometimes. i have a Very Specific scene playing out in my head and i want everyone else to see it like i’m seeing it, which is my downfall a lot. i’ve been trying to work on implicit stage directions.
18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
i think sometimes it’s necessary? it can be a good tool for humour, like with cussing that can’t be achieved in english. but while i understand and read several languages i have always always struggled to speak or write in them. it’s very frustrating so i often avoid the subject entirely lol.
19. first fandom you wrote for?
i’ve been writing fanfic in my head since before i knew what it was, but i started typing things at around 11 when i used to homestuck roleplay with my friends lol. messy messy times.
20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?
oh i am my own target audience. i have several.
i need a man (who’s patient and kind): keith-centric post canon (divergence) fic where lance takes him to his family and keith is good with kids and just keith being loved is the whole point. always.
what if i lose it all: an alternate universe where lance, as a baby, loses both his parents, and then is raised by his oldest siblings. in luis’ pov.
when does a ripple become a tidal wave (when does the reason become the flame): brogane fight & angst canon divergence post season 6; covering shiro’s guilt complex and keith’s unwavering loyalty
he’s into superstitions (black cats and voodoo dolls): halloween verse with witch lance and vampire keith! i have barely spoken about this au on here but rest assured i’m thinking about it all the fucking time
the applebee’s universe: modern au with young keith and lance learning how to love each other
ceilings (plaster): non-linear dream-like fic that’s just so trippy and strange i’m obsessed with it
if the sky comes falling down (for you) there’s nothing in this world i wouldn’t do: a keith character study about how the biggest bleeding heart in the universe loves
the hana universe: brogane-centric universe as their family starts rocky and grows
thank u again for the tag zen <33 open offer for anyone else who would like to hop on!!
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Saw your most recent post and akjcsbakcb I LOVE HIM 😭😭
Also! I was wondering if you have any Jason hurt/comfort fic recs?
nonny, i have so many recs!!! possibly too many lol 🥲 it took a hot second but i narrowed it down to 12! first tho im just gonna recommend everything by @envysparkler (ao3) and @lurkinglurkerwholurks (ao3); ive cried liberally going through their whole works and it's all 👏 so 👏 good 👏👏👏
anyways, onto the rec list! ☀️ these are all batfamily hurt/comfort gen fics centred around jay & his family (usually bruce).
* btw these are in no particular order, and the word count is rounded to the nearest thousand! (ie. 3764 words will be listed as 4k)
If the Sky Comes Falling Down (For You) by lurkinglurkerwholurks | 21k
5 times jay saves his siblings + 1 time they save him. it's got some humour in it but it's also soft and involves the trope of all of them coming to his rescue when he thinks no one will :')
Breathing by lurkinglurkerwholurks | 4k
jay is extremely hurt in this one but he's also the one doing most of the comforting via dark humour while his family freaks out lol. spoiler alert: includes the trope of injury hiding (specifically the one where a character literally holds their guts together lol) so as to not worry anyone further
hellhole by envysparkler | 4k
jason gets caught in an explosion and doesnt know if anyone can hear him call for help bc no one is replying, so he crawls out of the wreckage himself. there is so much angst and it's so good. spoiler alert: ofc they hear him, he just cant hear them. and ofc he narrates everything out loud ;P
grave secrets by envysparkler | 5k
tw suicide attempt. jason decides to return himself to his grave after the joker incident, and starts digging. he is v obviously not in a good headspace; tim shows up to try to stop him, even tho he's still injured from jason attacking him at titans tower. a line that continues to haunt me: “Here Lies Jason Todd,” he recites, and shrugs, “I’m just following directions.”
A Psalm of Grief and Anguish by LeilaSecretSmith (orphan_account) | series: 9k total (4 works)
tw suicide attempt. after jason successfully kills the joker, he realizes there's nothing left for him now that he's achieved what he wants. bruce finds him on a rooftop. (dick, tim and damian are poised for a catch.)
Recollect, re-collect by Ptelea | 94k
jason gets hit with a spell that makes everyone forget about him. the counterspell involves everyone talking about why no one wants to forget him. also heavily about the robin mantle and legacy, so it becomes a very jason & dick family feels fic. my favourite thing about it is that there's this mantra dick teaches his successors: "Robins balance different than Bats."
Stargazer by LemonadeGarden | 48k
jason and bruce go on a road trip cuz they never did that before jay died. there's also a memory jason revisits often throughout the fic of b teaching him constellations and jay feeling safe and the wistfulness and longing surrounding it hurt so much but it's so good. 🥲 this fic makes me ache remembering it.
A GRAVE FILLED WITH BOOKS. by orpheusaki | 5k
sometimes it feels like everyone's grown up and jason's stuck at the age he got murdered. sometimes he doesnt recognize bruce as his dad anymore, with how much jay's death changed him. bruce lost his son, and jason lost his dad, but they still have each other the way they are now. they're still father & son.
World’s Saddest Breakfast Club by motleyfam | 7k
jason's just escaped captivity and needs to eat, so he decides to go to the manor at ass o'clock and cook the lobster that is supposed to be for bruce's bday dinner for himself. his siblings come into the kitchen one by one while he cooks and he cooks for them too. funny, warm, and very food as a metaphor for love.
Aftermath by ivy_and_ivory | 25k
this is a bit more plotty than the rest of them lol. the red hood kills the joker than disappears from gotham. later, batman meets an injured red hood in paris and have to work together for a case. he doesnt know it's jason (yet). this is the fic that made me really understand what bruce means when he says "if i start killing then i cant stop."
life, if well lived by CaptainOzone | 11k
jason accidentally time travels and meets thomas and martha wayne on what turns out to be The Day. jay'a full of complicated feelings about bruce, but at the end of the day, jay's still his son (and those are his grand-parents).
Both Ends of the Candle by Lunette3002 | 5k
jason's been overworking himself and his brothers stop by his apartment to tell him to slow down. ends in couch cuddles. 🥰
there ya go, anon! hope u enjoy :)))
#rei replies#fic recs#jason todd#batfamily#i made the spoiler alerts purple just for steph :'))) and bc it's more effective in another colour lol#jay's my second most bookmarked character on ao3 lol. literally hundreds of fics bookmarked. almost a whole thousand.#second only to bruce bc i spent a good portion of 2020 marathoning superbat fics haha
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HI I HOPE YOU'RE DOING FINE AND U ARE DRINKING ENOUGH WATER TOO AND GETTING REST CUS ILL BE COMING FOR YOUR ANKLES OTHERWISE >:(
So Could you write Mizuki , An and Shiho with an S/O that gets bullied for having Heterochromia eyes pls
If you don't know what Heterochromia is basically us when a person has a different colour in each eyes for example (left eye is blue and the other is yellow kinda like Candice from Genshin if you look at her eyes)
You are free to ignore this btw oh and PLS TAG ME IN NIGHTCORD FICS PLS
Omg no, not my ankles 😱 and I added you to TagList for all Nightcord member hehe~ anyway, of course I can write it! Honestly I absolutely loved the idea so I hope you enjoy this one as well!
Funfact about me: I absolutely adore heterochromia and honestly wish I had it myself-
Shiho, An, Mizuki with heterochromic!reader who gets bullied
TagList: @bleachtheidiot @qxmmi @no1mizukifan
⊱ Shiho will take her guitar and smack the living crap out of the person that dares to make fun of you even slightly
⊱ alright but she literally doesn't understand why they're making fun of you when your eyes are literally so pretty
⊱ like she probably even wrote a song about them but she'll die faster than let anyone hear it
⊱ so when you tell her that you're getting bullied for that, she turns into her protective mode
⊱ I mean... you think all those creepy men aplroaciing Shizuku were going away because they got bored?! Pffft, Shiho secretly gave them a piece of her mind
⊱ she's literally ready to fight if it'll be necessary although looking at how many insults and good arguments she can make, they're most likely to just give up
⊱ she'll try to do it all secretly but if it's really bad then she won't be afraid of protecting your honor in front of you
⊱ but if she actually sowa it secretly and you ask her one day about it, she'll simply say that she has no idea what might be the reason
"Hm? They suddenly stopped making fun of your eyes? Well that's good, isn't it? No, it's not weird. I say you should just ignore them and live your normal life."
⊱ alright but you cannot tell me that An didn't gave you 100 compliments when she first saw you, like you didn't had to be lovers or even friends!
⊱ she thinks they're absolutely adorable and honestly, she's probably the type to stare into your eyes and then go like "Oh, sorry! I guess I got lost again~" or something alongisde that
⊱ so whens he discovers that someoen hates them, she get's hit by a confusion and then by pure annoyance
⊱ and she's up to talk with them now because no one will insult the pretties part of you which are your eyes! Not on her watch!
⊱ she's not really the type to beat up someone so she'll probably just have quite agressive chat with them and if they happen to go to Kamiyama High, then she can make sure they won't like it there anymore
⊱ if they're from another High tho, then she sitll has a lot of friends so she can try her best either way by threatning the person
⊱ if it doesn't work tho, she'll want to teach you how to respond when someone makes a comment like that
⊱ if they go as far as hurting you tho, she'll immidietly report it somewhere and obviously school or wherever she reported you is on your side yay!
⊱ of course she also gives you a lot of comfort after getting any comment and makes sure to throw some compliments here and there
"Don't worry about what they said too much... your eyes are so pretty! Of course they're unique and that's what makes them even more prettier! You think why I like to stare into your eyes so much?"
⊱ so Mizuki is quite similiar to An, they also noticed your eyes immidietly even if you two didn't knew each other but they didn't approached you
⊱ unless you noticed them, then they did just to tell you that they think they're pretty so you won't think they're secretly making fun of that
⊱ they also like to stare into your eyes but not for too long or too often and they don't make cheesy comment but smile and giggle instead
⊱ your heterochromia definitely makes it harder to pick outfit that matches perfectly for you but they also think it makes outfits look even more interesting so they absolutely love them!
⊱ so when they hear that someone maked fun of you for that, they have 3 feelings: confusion - because how can someone not notice how pretty they are?!!, sadness - because they can see how this unwelcomed comment made you feel, and anger - because how someone could insult their lover?!
⊱ they're also not the type to physically hurt someone but they surely won't mind ruining their reputation a little
⊱ and trust me when I say they're good at ruining someone's reputation in real life and even better in online if they put their heart into it
⊱ and once the person who made fun of you is no longer a danger, your lover act like nothing ever happened...
"Oh yeah! I heard some rumors about them! Strange, isn't it? Maybe that's why they were mean to you because they had their own problems! Of course it's not an excuse but I'm glad it's finally over~!"
❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉
#project sekai#colorful stage#project sekai colorful stage#x reader#project sekai x reader#colorful stage x reader#project sekai colorful stage x reader#shiho hinomori#an shiraishi#mizuki akiyama#shiho hinomori x reader#an shiraishi x reader#mizuki akiyama x reader#project sekai shiho hinomori#project sekai an shiraishi#project sekai mizuki akiyama#project sekai shiho x reader#project sekai an x reader#project sekai mizuki x reader#fluff#headcanons#project sekai fluff#project sekai headcanons
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Hey, Carrot!
So some time ago you posted a picture with several genzy sketches and said that they were from an assortment of silly self-indulgent AU ficlet ideas. Could you explain some of them? Or, if it's too long, one of them?👀
OH GOD ASKING ABOUT MY GENZY AU FICLET IDEAS HOW COULD YOU???? /j
/i'm shy
YOU MEAN THIS ONE
t-t-t-tbh i have many many ideas. somehow in my head i half think about my chars as though they're some other piece of media and i'm actively thinking up random fic ideas for them sometimes LOL some of which are actually within the normal canon timeline and that i can potentially use for something, and others that have nothing to do with the canon timeline (or even go against it LKDAJFD) but i don't care, i just enjoy thinking up various scenarios for them because i love them so much sigh...
those four in question were some that were quite visceral in my mind at the time, tho i have many more. i don't mind explaining them tho except that i am very shy
probably my favorite is the one on the bottom left and one i've imagined in many different ways because i'm a sucker for hurt comfort and involves some variation of the two of them out hiking in the snow, whereupon a blizzard hits and they have to seek shelter in this small shed they find, but it's very very cold and iggy starts to get hypothermia so genzou zips him up inside his coat with him to try and keep him warm until the morning... (I'M SO EMBARRASSED WRITING THIS LDKFJALSKDFA) (IT'S VERY SELF-INDULGENT AND SILLY) (I JUST THINK IT WOULD BE SO CUTE... SOB)
the middle one was a kinda different take on what could have happened when iggy was visiting home from college and over at genzou's, involving iggy having a hard time fitting in at college and with some weird semi-relationships that left him feeling hurt and questioning himself and he lets it all out to genzou and starts crying and genzou kisses him LMAOOOOOO (the laugh here being because i'm so embarrassed i'm actively laughing at myself and how ridiculously sappy and cringy these must sound AHHHHHHHH 💦💦💦💦)
the phone one is where iggy calls genzou in the middle of the night because he's feeling so anxious and genzou talks to him until he falls asleep... (LOL THIS IDEA DID ACTUALLY TURN INTO SOMETHING i loved it so much i did a genzou-POV take on it for T2A2G... weep)
and the one on the right was less of a super specific idea and more just me enjoying the thought of them living together and iggy trying to play his switch while genzou bothers him kjkajdfad
i have so many different fic ideas for them sob... i think about them always 💕
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mourning the loss of your boyfriend's beloved childhood pet, he surprises you with an afternoon that helps to mend your broken heart.
➵ pairing ; taehyung x fem reader
➵ genre ; fluff
➵ word count ; 2.3K
➵ warnings ; talking of losing a pet , use of affectionate nicknames , some language , they're v in love w each others
➵ author's note ; first drabble that occurs in the mikrokosmos universe ❥ a lovely friend and moot ( @axialitae ) mentioned that i could write drabbles about this couple, then work on their origin fic. so that's what i'm going to do •ᴗ•
i'm excited to write more drabbles about them and introduce them to everyone. i've seen other authors open their inboxes for people to ask their characters questions, and i would love to do that with them. i'll link it below if you'd like to talk with them •ᴗ•
masterlist | series masterlist | chat w the characters
boyf <3 [4:54]
bad news
miso died
[4:55]
NO
PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE JOKING
boyf <3 [4:55]
babygirl
:|
why wld i joke abt tht
[4:56]
ok ASSHOLE
that’s not what i meant
boyf <3 [4:58]
can’t believe my duck died an ur bullying me
[4:58]
how are you doing?
boyf <3 [4:59]
im ok. he was old an wasn’t eating. kinda expected it
what abt u, tho
eomma was more concerned abt u
[5:00]
i feel like i’m going to be sick
boyf <3 [5:00]
nooooo
deep breaths
[5:01]
i’m just so sad
i love miso so much
and now he’s gone
i can’t feed him anymore
or give him kisses
he’s not going to lay in my lap anymore
boyf <3 [5:03]
:(
u were his fac
fav*
loved him mom. eomma’s boy
[5:04]
eomma’s boy :(
boyf <3 [5:04]
i was his dad but fuck me ig
[5:05]
thank you. that made me laugh
i’m so sad, tae
time to change my lock screen
to that photo of you and miso
the one i love sm :(
boyf <3 [5:06]
what abt the one of u w him?
[5:06]
noooo. i want you two
my boys <3
boyf <3 [5:07]
cute
i love you, babygirl
[5:08]
i love you too
very, very much <3
Two weeks have passed since losing Miso. A week and a half since Mrs Kim had made the decision to rehome Namjoon’s duck to someone with an entire flock. The first visit to Tae’s house had felt lonely. Your heart aching when you had looked out the back door, hitting hard when realizing there will never be another moment where you can see the duck that had captured your heart.
Never another time where you’ll see him waddle around his enclosure, swimming in his little pond and feasting on his food. No more chances of teasing Tae that he should’ve chosen the name ‘Cow’ instead for Miso’s black and white features. Tae had held you close when you lost it in his room. Quieting you each time you tried to apologize for being so dramatic and telling you that it’s never easy to lose something you love.
Comforting you when you should’ve been comforting him.
He’d been the one to lose his childhood pet. He’d been eight when his parents introduced the idea of getting their sons a pet to help combat the stress of moving to a foreign country and the difficulties of language barriers. But dogs were out of the equation. The high maintenance of providing a good life clashed with their bustling one. And cats didn’t stand a chance for consideration with Mr Kim’s allergy.
The idea of welcoming birds into their home merely falling into their laps on a random afternoon when they’d traveled to the local farming supply store, and Namjoon had been enraptured by the assortment of ducks and chicks for sale.
Miso had been there for Tae through it all. Through his high school graduation, through his romances and heartbreak. Through the heartache that came when Jin and Namjoon moved out to study in prestigious universities in different parts of the country. He’d always been there, and it hurts that now he’s not.
boyf <3 [11:02]
u home?
[11:05]
ya
in my room
boyf <3 [11:06]
im outside
let’s go for a drive pls?
[11:07]
cannot lie. that’s a little concerning
boyf <3 [11:08]
hush. its not bad :|
im trying to be cute n spontaneous
[11:09]
give me like five minutes to change?
boyf <3 [11:09]
ok :)
He’s scrolling through Twitter when you climb into his front seat. His gentle humming to the unfamiliar song from his Spotify is music to your ears. “Hi, Babe.” Tae closes out of the app, dropping his phone into its designated cup holder before leaning across the console to greet you with a kiss.
“Hi,” you smile, buckling yourself in. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.” Showing that he’s serious about being spontaneous. He’s never been one to do surprises, always spoiling it before he can stop himself. “But it’s a bit of a drive. Would you like a silly little beverage for the ride?”
“Of course.”
The neighborhood is quiet. Despite the picturesque sky and the warm, welcoming sun, there’s not a single soul in sight. It’s the perfect weather for a leisurely adventure.
“You’re very serious about being spontaneous,” you comment. He reaches, his hand finding its favorite place upon your thigh. “You’re usually horrible at keeping secrets.” Tae bursts out laughing. His beautiful smile filling his face. “But I love it. I can’t wait to see what you have planned.”
“Trust me,” he snorts. “I almost blew this one too.”
He stops at a small gas station not too far from your house. Gathering a snack and drink each before piling back into his car to begin the adventure he’s so excited about. Road trips with him are fun. From singing along to your favorite songs, forcing him into duets of songs he pretends to hate, to the ridiculous little comments made that send you both into fits of lighthearted giggles. Even with no clear destination in mind, it doesn’t feel like you’re traveling for long, and after an hour, you arrive.
“An industrial park?” You tease. Pretending you don’t notice the sign for a small trail tucked away in a mess of trees. Tae lunges at you, wrapping you in his arms and lifting you off the ground. “I was joking!” You exclaim through giggles.
“No, not an industrial park, you dingus.” His own laughter mingles with yours, and he sets you back onto the ground. “Hobi was talking about this trail. And I found this. Thought it would be fun to get out and explore.”
And so you do.
Following the paved pathway through winding trees. Gentle sounds of rushing water are distant background noise but loud enough to coax you away. You set out to explore, finding dirt paths and stairs, worn down grass and hills to climb. A beautiful little creek hides amongst it all, and you’ve never felt so carefree.
The path is small. A welcoming swing overlooks a hill that peers down onto the water, but after finding a spider hidden within the webs and Tae’s refusal to kill it, you carry on. Going until the path ends in another parking lot and you start making the trek back.
“This was fun. I’m glad we came.” You swing your hand entwined with his, basking in the different sights and noises that surround you. And Tae beams, proud of himself for a successful day. “I bet there are so many more beautiful places to discover.”
“We’re not done yet,” he promises. And when you return to his car, rather than get into it, Tae drags you along, continuing the walk. Following a sidewalk that runs alongside the creek and leads into a busier part of this small town.
“Now city hall? Are we going to pay our property taxes?”
He heaves a sigh. Trying his hardest to seem annoyed but falling victim to a laugh. “Fine, that one was funny,” Tae admits. “But no, we’re not going to city hall.” The sidewalk ends, a marker points in the direction of where the trail reconnects. And after crossing a small street and passing through another parking lot, you’re back on track. Stumbling upon a small pond.
“This is cute,” you smile. Loving what different treasures are hidden about. Even in the midst of the bustle of small town traffic, the cutest little pond offers peace. “I can’t believe this is here, and that you found it.”
“Wait, there’s more!” Tae reaches for your hand. He drags you along, moving a little faster than before. A small red bridge crosses over the creek, and he doesn’t stop until you’re on the opposite side. “Surprise!”
And tears spring to your eyes. A small flock of ducks. All gathered under the tree for shade from the unforgiving sun. A few stragglers even swim in the water. “Taehyung!” He beckons you into his arms. Holding you close and his sweet laugh is music to your ears. “I can’t believe you!”
“I wanted to surprise you.” His hand wraps around the back of your head. Holding you, comforting you while you sob into his chest. “It’s been so heartbreaking seeing how hard you’ve been taking Miso’s death.”
Your heart floods with warmth. The tears that fall are filled with the love that overflows, and you can’t find the words to describe all that he is to you.
“I love you,” you beam. “I love you so much.”
“And I love you even more.” Tae presses a soft kiss to your head, giving you an affectionate squeeze before slipping from your grasp. “Come on, let’s feed them. There’s a machine over here.” And he drags you back across the bridge towards a large stand where two dispensers are filled with pellets.
“I left my wallet in your car.”
He scoffs, “As if I’ll let you pay. I’ve come prepared.” Tae dips into his front pocket, retrieving a handful of quarters. And with the largest, proudest smile upon his face, he thrusts his hand towards you.
“I’m so spoiled.” But he passes a couple to you, holding the rest securely while the dispenser releases a load of pellets into your awaiting hands. “Come on!” You beam. Leaving Tae being as you race back towards the flock.
But he doesn’t speak. Still watching with a loving smile, he allows you the moment to bask in this happiness.
A couple ducks take interest at what’s in your hands. Inching their way towards you when you toss food in their general direction. Tears of utter bliss threaten to spill, and you lower to your knees when others become curious.
“Tae,” you whisper. He stands off to the right, not wanting to risk scaring them off if he were to come closer. “Look at them. Look at the babies.” He digs for his phone. Memorializing the moment with pictures.
He’s unaware that your heart is on the brink of exploding. From the overwhelming love that resides for your second favorite animal to the immense love that your heart possesses for him and only him. A few tears slip through your lashes, the only way you can express the emotions that bubble inside you.
You’ve never had someone care so much for you. And you’re not sure what you’ve done to deserve this.
Tae’s patient as you continue feeding the ducks. His smile not budging each time you return for pellets, and when his stash of change runs dry, it’s your cue to leave. You walk back to his car hand-in-hand. But you cling to him, your arms wrapped around his. Your head against his bicep, desperate to shower him with your love and affection after all he’d done for you. You’re desperate for him to know how in love with him you are.
“Have fun?” He asks.
But he has no idea. You nod. “Best day ever.” And a small tint of red burns in his face. “I love you so much. Thank you for doing this for me.”
He shrugs, as if it were nothing. But his permanent grin gives him away, how proud he is that he’s come up with this idea. “I’m glad. You deserved this,” he replies, and you heart is not safe. Seconds from combusting. You’re impatient to get back to your house and love on him well into the night.
The drive back is peaceful. Exhausting settling in from the heat, you two ride in comfortable silence. Halfway through the drive, his phone buzzes with a message from his mom. He asks you to answer, sneaking the briefest glance at the screen. And when his phone unlocks, opening to their last conversation, one of the numerous photos he’d taken stares back with a message in Korean that you can’t understand.
“She replied with a heart,” you answer. “And something I don’t understand.” Coming to a stop at a green-light-turned-red, he looks at the screen, nodding but not uttering a word. “What did you tell her?”
He starts to smirk. Leaving you to dread whatever’s going to come from his mouth. “It’s right there,” Tae teases. “You can’t read it?” His laughter fills the car when you groan. Delighted in your reaction as he always is.
“No,” you answer. “I’m trying to learn, but my tutor always get distracted during lessons.”
“Can’t help it. Hearing you speak Korean makes me want to kiss you. Is that such a sin?” He scoffs. “If wanting to kiss your girlfriend is a crime, then lock me away.” The light switches to green, the car in front of you hesitating a second before slowly crossing the intersection.
“Charges dropped. But please tell me what you said? Please, Tae Tae. Pretty please.”
He laughs a little more. “All I said was that you have no idea how happy you make me.” The tips of his ears turn a little red at his admission. But your heart is damn near close to exploding again. “I think she said that she loves us. I’m not sure, I didn’t really read it.” His attention remains focused on the road.
But yours is stuck on him.
“I love you.” His lips curl upward, sneaking a glance before turning back to the road. “I wish there was something stronger than love. Because I more than love you.” Tae peels a hand away from the steering wheel to take yours.. “Do you realize how frustrating it is to look at you and not have any words that can tell you how much you mean to me?”
He nods. “Every single time I look at you,” Tae replies. “But actions speak louder, and I can feel how much you love me in everything you do. I am one lucky man.” You want to throw yourself at him, want to shower him in your endless love and affection. But you settle for a squeeze of his hand. One that you hope he knows means you’re lucky too.
And you pray that he’s yours forever.
#bts#bts fic#bts fluff#bts x reader#taehyung fic#taehyung fluff#taehyung x reader#bangtan fic#bangtan fluff#bangtan x reader
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Could i request a comfort fic for Yae Miko or natasha where reader relapses and they find out reader harmed themselves intentionally?
I didnt see anything about it in your rules so i hope that its fine??? I luv ur writing tho hibiscus
(also could i be 🪼anon?)
No worries, that’s a perfectly valid question to ask 🪼 anon ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱
(For anyone, if you’re ever unsure you can always ask! Next time just add a cw. at the top for sensitive subjects)
cw. Mentions of suicid.e & self harm
I’m perfectly fine writing for more general comfort fics. Like if you had a bad day got hurt with minor injuries like scratches and what not!
What im not comfortable with are comfort fics about/for suicide, self harm, anxiety/panic attacks, or other mental health stuff are a ❌ (no, nada, nope) for requests
DO NOT GIVE REQUESTS FOR THESE SENSITIVE TOPICS
For one, people experience things differently and i'm not comfortable portraying that in writing as a request. Quite frankly, I don’t know how to accurately depict the topics i do understand.
I want this to be a safe place for other people but most importantly, myself. This blog is in a way my little safe haven to get away from stuff like that, so i hope you can understand my decision 😣 some of those topics hit too close to home for me and id rather have my blog just be clear of that content entirely
I’ll update the rules to include this information
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🫧So Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want This Time
Pairing: Hanzo Hasashi/Kuai Liang, Sektor/Kuai Liang, Original Male Character/Kuai Liang
Fandom: Mortal Kombat
Length: 6966 Words
Rating: Explicit 🔞
Warnings: Abusive Relationships, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Choking, Rough Sex, Rough Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Gentle Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Controlling Behaviour, Angst, Angst With A Happy Ending, One Night Stands, No Aftercare, Aftercare, Self-Esteem Issues, Nicknames, Kissing, Bathing/Washing, Unhealthy Relationships, Healthy Relationships, Degradation, I know a lot of these contradict each other but they happen in different sections, All sex is consensual but definitely not healthy, None of the bad or unhealthy stuff happens with Hanzo/Kuai tho
@hurtcomfort-bingo: Nickname(s)
Hurt And Comfort Bingo Masterlist
Notes: I wanted to write a fic sort of exploring Kuai’s growth in terms of relationships, and I actually felt the nickname prompt on this bingo card was an interesting way for me to do that. Basically this fic is from various points of Kuai’s life, framed around nicknames he’s received at some point. I really wanted to focus on the transition from unhealthy relationships to healthy ones, and how despite Kuai initially not coping in a healthy way, he eventually finds love and healing. So, head’s up, like it says in the tags, this fic does focus on some of the abuse Kuai’s suffered and it’s somewhat explicit in this one rather than implied or discussed as being in the past like it has in previous fics. I will say that the worst of it is relegated to the first part, so you might be able to skip ahead to the first line break and be fine, but be aware that it’s kind of a big part of the fic. Title is from “Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want” by The Smiths.
“You never learn, Snowstorm.”
Kuai Liang felt himself being thrown against the wall, pain blossomed in his side where hours earlier he’d been struck with a metal pipe. Seconds after he hit the wall, a hand wrapped around his neck and began to squeeze. He choked slightly, hands reaching up to claw at the hand while he stared Sektor straight in the eyes.
Kuai didn’t really remember when Sektor started calling him snowstorm, but now that he thought about it, the nickname really told how Sektor viewed Kuai. He was an oncoming storm, wild and out of control, completely unpredictable and impossible to tame. Unruly. Destructive. Uncooperative. Something that Sektor desperately wanted to get under his control.
“S-Sektor,” Kuai whispered, hoping that wouldn’t cause him to do anything rash. “Please.”
Sektor laughed bitterly, “oh now you want to grovel.” He lent in closer, face practically touching Kuai’s. “You were so mouthy and proud of yourself in front of my father.” Kuai just stilled under Sektor, not really wanting to provoke him further. “You realise that because I was assigned to dish out your punishment, every time you act out like a little bitch, it makes me look bad in turn?”
“Oh no, what a shame,” Kuai sarcastically replied before he could stop himself. The second it slipped from his lips, his eyes widened, watching the way Sektor’s face warped. “I- I- I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry.” Kuai felt the panic rise in his chest when his pathetic apologies were clearly not being accepted. “I am so sorry, I’ll be better next time I promise.”
To his relief, the hand around his throat retreated, only to feel himself being yanked forward. The world spun as he was thrown in a completely different direction, side protesting the action. He fell back onto something soft. Lifting his head, it took him an embarrassing couple of seconds to realise he was on Sektor’s bed, with Sektor himself standing above him.
He looked so god damn pissed, face twisted and teeth bared, his chest heaving from how heavy he was breathing.
“I-I really am sorry.” He didn’t know if this would work. He just didn’t want this to escalate, especially when he was already injured. He scrambled to sit up slightly. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“You’d fucking better,” Sektor hissed between his teeth. “This shit is why you haven’t earned a name yet.”
Kuai flinched at that. Somehow that hurt more than any physical blow Sektor could have delivered to him. Actually at this point Kuai wished it had been a punch. That would be easier to deal with. The fact he still had not received his codename was a very sore point. Most Lin Kuei got theirs in their early to mid teens, and yet Kuai Liang was 19 and had still not done enough in the eyes of the Grandmaster. He really didn’t know how much more he could give.
“Did I hit a nerve?” Sektor asked, voice dripping with poison. “Now you know how I feel every time you do stupid shit that reflects badly on me.”
“I’m sorry,” Kuai whispered, keeping his head low. All he’d done was ask for clarification on an order he didn’t fully understand. He’d just wanted to make sure he got it right, he really wasn’t trying to be disrespectful or disobey. Was that really a crime that justified this screaming and berating?
“Oh, you are always sorry, Snowstorm.” Sektor took a few steps forward, and then there was a hand hooking under Kuai’s chin and forcing his face up. “The problem is you’re never sorry enough to actually make any changes.”
He tried. As the Elder Gods themselves as his witness, he swore he tried. The expectations of him just always seemed to change, they constantly moved the goal posts and he couldn’t keep up. He swore they didn’t seem to do this with anyone but him. They’d already decided he was a failure, and they were determined to make that a self-fulfilling prophecy.
“I know. I’ll do better. I will.” He knew that he couldn’t. He would never be better, and they’d never accept he was even trying to be better. But if saying it would placate Sektor, it was worth lying his ass off about.
Sektor didn’t reply, just pulled away with an annoyed sigh. Thankfully Kuai was well versed at this point in distracting Sektor from his anger. He knew exactly what would turn this situation around.
He slid off the bed, allowing himself to kneel on the floor before Sektor. His hands reached to Sektor’s hips, loosely clinging to Sektor’s belt. He tried to ignore the throbbing pain in his side from the bruising lacing his ribs.
“Let me make it up to you,” Kuai purred, carefully tugging on Sektor’s trousers.
Sektor huffed, reaching down to slap Kuai’s hand away. Initially, Kuai assumed his advances were being rejected, until Sektor hissed at him “hands behind your back.”
Kuai gave a relieved sigh, putting his hands behind his back like he was told. As he did so, Sektor reached for his belt, undoing it and moving the fabric of his trousers down just enough for his cock to spring free. He was already half hard, clearly Kuai Liang’s pleading had begun to get him fired up. Typical.
“Open your mouth,” Sektor ordered, reaching one hand to stroke his cock slightly, trying to coax it to further harden. Kuai did as he was told, letting his mouth hang open, ready and waiting for what Sektor intended to give him. Sektor tutted. “Of course you can follow these sorts of orders, whore.”
Before Kuai could do or say anything in retaliation, Sektor surged forward, lining his cock up with Kuai’s open mouth and thrusting in. With one swift motion, Sektor’s cock hit the back of his throat, causing Kuai to gag.
There was very little ceremony and certainly no foreplay. Sektor grabbed the back of Kuai’s head, using his hair as an anchor. The thrusts were fast and rough, barely giving Kuai a chance to prepare for the onslaught. He gagged a few more times, something he hadn’t really done in a while.
Sektor didn’t pause, and Kuai was okay with that. He could handle it, actually he rather enjoyed it. Being dominated, being subservient and submissive. It excited him in ways it probably shouldn’t. The fact his own cock was stirring in his pants was a testament to that.
“Fuck. At least there’s one thing you’re good at,” Sektor growled, throwing his head back and shoving himself in as far as he could.
Something about that made Kuai happy. It wasn’t exactly praise, but it was the closest to it he’d had in a long time. He purred around Sektor’s cock, pushing the flat of his tongue against the length as Sektor continued to thrust in and out. The loud groan told Kuai his efforts were appreciated. With Sektor setting the pace so thoroughly, it was the only way he could really contribute.
He wasn’t sure how long they were there for, time seemed to mean nothing when he could feel his knees start to ache from where they rubbed against the stone floor. His jaw painfully locked in place as Sektor used his mouth. The taste of precum smearing across his tongue with every thrust. Kuai desperately kept his hands clasped together, nails digging into the opposite hand in an attempt to stop himself from reaching down for his own cock. He hadn’t been given permission yet, and he knew Sektor would be displeased if he disobeyed now.
Suddenly, Sektor pulled Kuai forwards, until his nose was touching Sektor’s pelvis. Hands kept him still in place, as his mouth was filled with cum. The salty taste hit his tongue and the back of his throat immediately. Sektor rocked his hips back and forth a couple of more times, before finally pulling out with a wet pop. Kuai closed his eyes and swallowed, hearing the unmistakable sound of fabric.
When Kuai reopened his eyes, Sektor was turned away, fiddling with his clothing, replacing his cock in his pants. Kuai gave a happy sigh, and whispered “I love you.”
Sektor stilled, going completely rigid for a few seconds. He then continued to put himself back into place, completely ignoring what Kuai Liang had just said. It was always like this, but that was okay. Sektor didn’t have to say it back, Kuai Liang could vocalise it for the both of them.
“I need to go talk to my father, to fix your mess,” Sektor snarled, finally turning back to Kuai and pointing at his face. “You will stay right here and wait for me to return. I am not done with you. If I find out you have left this room at any point, you will regret it.”
Kuai took the hand in front of him, pulling it to his mouth as he kissed Sektor’s knuckles. “I’ll wait for you.”
Sektor gave a cruel laugh, the sort where it was clear that Kuai was exactly where the other man wanted him. He patted Kuai’s face a couple of times, before straightening himself out, and striding towards the door.
With a slam of the door, Sektor was gone, and Kuai was left still kneeling on the floor. He smiled to himself, letting himself lean back against the bed. He held his hands to his chest, as if his feelings were so large they were about to burst out, and this was the only way to keep them contained.
But… there were no feelings.
There were no butterflies, no heart palpitations, no feelings of breathlessness. All he felt was a deep sinking emptiness. Like his chest was completely void, his entire soul having been carved out of his body. His hand curled up into a fist, taking a deep breath to try and ground himself.
This was fine. Everything was fine. This was just how he felt after every encounter they had, he was used to it by now. He’d wanted it this way. Sure, Sektor wouldn’t say those three simple words back to him, but that was just what Sektor was like. He couldn’t say them, he couldn’t show affection because if anyone found out it would be seen as a weakness. Definitely not something the next Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei should be showing.
Yet Kuai could not deny that he craved it. He craved Sektor telling him he loved him. He craved soft touches and lazy mornings. Just the two of them holding each other close. Maybe if he was lucky, when Sektor became Grandmaster, he’d get what he wanted.
He closed his eyes, ignoring the hollowness and the tears that rolled down his cheeks, and imagined a future where he and Sektor did not have to hide anymore.
“From this day on, you shall be known as Tundra.”
Kuai bowed in respect towards Grandmaster Oniro, despite knowing full well this code name was yet another indication of all his deficiencies.
Tundra. Hardly the most intimidating of names, it sounded like it belonged to a cuddly puppy than a trained assassin. Maybe to some it would bring to mind harsh conditions and barren wilderness, but to Kuai Liang it just sounded… Soft. Like The Lin Kuei’s elders accused him of being far too often. They wanted him to be harsher, yet they gave him a name like that?
And the way Grandmaster Oniro looked at him, sneering and spiteful. As if this name was meant to twist in the knife representing the fact Kuai Liang would never be Sub Zero. He had accepted a long time ago that Bi-Han deserved the title far more than he ever would, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t hurtful to have it thrown in his face. That he’d never be good enough to be Sub Zero, even if something were to happen to Bi-Han.
But what could he say? He couldn’t voice displeasure at the name, that would just earn him even more trouble. They could even take his name away from him. Even if Tundra was given to him as an insult, he’d still worked hard to earn the name, he couldn’t lose it now just because he wanted to be a spoilt brat about it.
And really, he should be thankful that Sektor hadn’t wormed his opinion in and ensured his codename was Snowstorm. As in love as he was with Sektor, sometimes the way the man made every action he took towards Kuai into some weird power play made Kuai’s skin crawl. So, at the very least, for now Sektor didn’t have that kind of control over his life.
What the fuck will it be like when Sektor becomes Grandmaster?
He pushed those feelings aside, straightening up from his bow and stating “I am honoured to be assigned my codename, Grandmaster.”
“As you should be,” the Grandmaster spoke in a condescending tone. “It took you far too long, but I will admit, you actually did a good job on the Benjamin Ward assignment. Maybe there is more to you than we initially thought.”
Kuai fought so fucking hard to not let his surprise show. The fact the Grandmaster even remotely acknowledged that Kuai had actually done something well was shocking. He had to remain passive however, he couldn’t let it show how much the praise actually meant to him. That’d be a good way to ensure he never received any recognition ever again.
“I hope to continue to prove my worth to you, Grandmaster.” He wasn’t stupid. He knew this would likely be the only time he’d ever get that kind of compliment on his work.
“Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves,” the Grandmaster grumbled, and any high Kuai might have been feeling from the compliment went crashing down around him. “You still have a long way to go before I will accept we made the right choice in not executing you a long time ago.” Despite the urge to lower his head at that, Kuai kept it held high, knowing that the Grandmaster was saying these to get a reaction. “But, your bloodline is a prestigious one, and even one such as yourself could pass on your cryomancy genes to the next, and hopefully better, generation.”
Kuai almost bit his lip at that. Passing on my genes. He wondered how the Grandmaster would react if he knew that most likely wasn’t going to happen. Sektor had made it pretty clear to Kuai that once he became Grandmaster, his intent was to keep Kuai as his consort. And well…
Children between them wasn’t exactly possible, biologically speaking.
Though he supposed there were always other ways for him to have children. Not that Sektor would ever let him do those. He was far too possessive for anything like that.
“Regardless. The title is yours,” the Grandmaster continued, blissfully unaware that his son was fucking Kuai senseless most nights. “I do hope that I won’t come to regret giving it to you.”
“You won’t, Grandmaster.” Kuai bowed again, and the Grandmaster gave a rough sigh.
“You are dismissed, Tundra.”
Kuai didn’t stick around to be reprimanded for disobeying such a clear direction. He turned on his heel and made his way to the exit of the throne room. Once he stepped out into the corridor, shutting the large heavy doors behind him, he let out a sigh of relief. He’d made it through that with only a few hurt feelings. Despite his disappointment at himself, it could have gone so much worse.
A grey blur caught his eye, seconds before Tomas' face loomed in front of his own, hands grasping Kuai’s shoulders and eyes wide.
“Well? What happened? Are you okay? What did they want? Can I do anything to help, Kuai Liang?” The questions came at a mile a minute and Kuai almost laughed in poor Tomas face. It was nice though, that someone was concerned about him.
“I think you mean, can I do anything to help, Tundra,” Kuai corrected with a small grin, watching Tomas' face fall in confusion before it lit up in pure delight.
“You got your name?” He asked, and Kuai nodded in response. “Yes!”
Tomas suddenly grabbed Kuai around the waist, hauling him up into the air and spinning him around. Kuai giggled, even knowing that if anyone caught them they’d both get in trouble for it. Tomas seemed to remember himself and his surroundings, and quickly placed Kuai back on the ground.
“Sorry. I was excited,” he explained, reaching to brush his hair out of his face and revealing a bright red blush across his features.
“You seem more excited about it than I am,” Kuai joked, although really, Tomas did seem to be more elated by the news.
“So, how do you feel, Tundra?” Tomas asked gleefully, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet and grinning ear to ear. Kuai gave him a small smile, it was hard not to with the energy that Tomas was radiating.
“I’m proud,” he said shortly, hoping the sweet smile was enough to hide his real thoughts. I’m a failure.
“You should be,” Tomas cheered, throwing his arm around Kuai’s shoulders. He pulled Kuai close and lowered his voice to a whisper. “So, Cyrax and I were thinking about sneaking out later, and now we actually have something to celebrate, if you’re feeling like it.”
“Ah, you mean I get to break my first rule now I’m officially Tundra,” Kuai replied quietly, trying not to giggle too loudly. “You know I can’t resist that.”
“Great.” Tomas pulled Kuai into a small alcove. “We’re gonna slip out about 9pm, separately and then meet at the old watchtower. We’ll wait for about 20 minutes, so try not to be late.”
“Got it,” Kuai claimed with a grin.
Sure, he still felt useless, but at least he could try and put that aside by celebrating this minor achievement with two of his favourite people.
“Fucking take it, you slut!”
Kuai hissed as the man thrust inside him with speed and power. The man was holding Kuai’s wrists above his head with one hand, the other being used to occasionally grope and slap various parts of Kuai’s body. The problem was this man was obviously still holding back somewhat, and Kuai did not want that. He wanted to be absolutely ruined by this man.
He didn’t know the man’s name. He never knew the names of anyone he slept with, and he was just fine with that. In turn, they never knew his name either, in this setting he was exclusively known as either slut, or whore, or bitch. He made sure to find men who just wanted one night of rough no-holds-barred sex. One night where they could be as degrading as they wanted to be, because that’s exactly what Kuai Liang desired. He was tough enough to take anything they could throw at him.
Which is why it was annoying to him that this man was clearly holding back.
“Is this all you’ve got?” Kuai taunted, rolling his hips in time to the man’s thrust. When he saw the way the man’s face warped into displeasure, he knew he was about to get the reaction he wanted. “I can barely feel anything.”
The man responded by slamming the palm on his hand against Kuai’s face, hard enough to make Kuai’s head snap to one side.
Kuai laughed, “that’s more like it.”
“Fuck, you’re a masochist,” the man groaned, grabbing Kuai’s chin and forcing him to look at him again. “You really just want to be used as an object, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Kuai replied with a dreamy sigh, a lewd moan escaping his lips as the man's cock hit his prostate. God he was so close, he just needed a little more.
The man pressed Kuai’s wrists harder against the mattress, free hand roaming Kuai’s body, now with renewed purpose. Feeling at Kuai’s pecs, the touch was far more demanding, hard enough that it could possibly leave marks or bruises. Plucking at Kuai’s nipples and stretching them far longer than he should have. Running his nails down Kuai Liang’s sides, hard enough that Kuai could feel blood bead from where the skin split. Occasionally returning to Kuai’s face to slap him again.
This is what he needed. This is what he deserved.
All it took was one more hard thrust and Kuai Liang was coming. He arched his back off the bed and groaned. The man didn’t stop though, just kept thrusting and chasing his own pleasure. It was only when he gave a loud groan that Kuai knew he’d also reached orgasm. There was no feeling of being filled, the condom made sure of that. He would forever be thankful to Cyrax for pulling him aside as a teenager and teaching him of the dangers sex could present. No one else would have done so.
The man jerked his hips back and forth a couple more times, Kuai could feel him growing soft inside him. Eventually, he released Kuai’s wrists, pulling out and away.
Kuai lowered his arms to cover his face, making a satisfied noise. It had taken some provoking, but he’d gotten what he wanted in the end. He smiled to himself, panting and really soaking in the afterglow. The pleasure was still there, deep in his stomach, even as various parts of him began to ache from the rough treatment. That just amplified the bliss for him.
He was brought out of his stupor when he heard the sound of fabric rustling. He brought his arms down and shifted onto his side, watching as the man collected his clothes off the floor and began to put them back on. Kuai pouted slightly.
“Not going to stay for a second round?” Kuai questioned, resting his head on his hand and giving the most smolderingly lustful look he could give at that moment.
The man gave a tut and replied with “fucking hell, a bit insatiable, aren’t you?”
“So I’ve been told.” And he had. By many of the men he’d brought back here. Thankfully a lot of them were as sexually hungry as he was, and were more than willing to go all night until Kuai just couldn’t physically handle any more.
“I have work in the morning,” the man explained, and Kuai couldn’t help but feel it was a weak excuse. Who goes out to a bar on a night they have to go to work? “So… Yeah.”
“Right. That's… fine.” He tried not to sound disappointed. He was, but he didn’t want it to show. It’d been a while since he found someone up for an all nighter, and he’d hoped this would be one. But hey. When exactly did Kuai ever get what he wanted? “Thanks for the night.”
“Uh. Yeah, you too.” The man finished putting his clothes on, doing an awkward half bow and half wave as he turned to leave out the door. Kuai watched him go, no point in chasing after someone who didn’t want to be there, especially someone Kuai had no intent on ever seeing again after that night.
But now, he was left alone in his room with only his thoughts for company.
And quite frankly, they tended to be fucking awful company.
He pushed himself onto his back, and stared up at the ceiling. The pleasant feeling in his body began to fade, and all that was left was the ache. His sides stung from where the man's nails had dug into his skin, his chest was tender from how hard the man had squeezed it, his wrists were red and starting to bruise, his cheek was throbbing. And god damn, his ass was sore, deep inside as well, not enough that he was concerned there was damage but enough that it was hard to ignore.
But… this was what I wanted right? To be held down and used like a sex toy. To have someone dominate him so completely. To be fucked so hard he couldn’t breathe or walk right for weeks.
So… why was that empty pit in his chest opening again? The same one he used to get with Sektor. Why did he just want one person to stay with him after the fact and make sure he was okay? That was such a selfish wish, wasn’t it? The world didn’t revolve around him, it was unfair of him to ask for more, especially from strangers.
He ran his hand down his chest, wincing slightly when his fingers hit something wet. He brought his hand up to look at the cum now lacing his fingertips. He just stared at it, his previous high coming crashing down around him.
It wasn’t like he didn’t like the sex, he fucking loved it. At least, he loved it when it was happening. Yet somehow, every single time it was over, he was left feeling like this. Used, useless, craving for something more than the harsh hands he sought out. Something no one seemed to be able to give him. Something no one was willing to give him.
Maybe even something he would never receive.
He wanted to be loved. Some days he felt like his chest would burst from how much he wanted to love someone and have them return those feelings. Even now, after everything Sektor had put him through, he still fucking loved that bastard. But did Sektor love him back? Had Sektor ever loved him back?
Or was a sex toy all Kuai Liang could ever be to someone else?
His breathing hitched and his eyes began to sting. When he blinked to clear his eyes, he felt tears rolling down his face. This was so pathetic. He was a grown man crying over the fact no one would ever love him.
“I’m so fucking stupid,” he muttered to himself, placing his palm against his forehead. “So stupid.”
He closed his eyes, chanting the words so stupid to himself like a fucked up lullaby, waiting for sleep to claim him so that maybe in the morning he wouldn’t feel like such a piece of shit.
If love really did exist, it was clear that it was something the Elder Gods did not intend for him to experience.
“Hey! Grandmaster Blueberry Ice!”
Kuai smirked to himself, eyes closed and lying on his back in the middle of The Lin Kuei’s training courtyard. There was only one person foolish enough to call him by that nickname.
“Hello Jonathan,” Kuai greeted, opening his eyes to see, indeed, Johnny standing over him and looking down with a large grin on his face. “Can I help you?”
Johnny was a creature of habit. One of those habits was giving people the most ridiculous nickname’s Kuai Liang had ever heard. He was the only person who could give people those nicknames and walk away alive too. Kuai would never admit out loud that he was beginning to become fond of the Blueberry Ice nickname. Johnny was still the only person he’d allow to call him it, however.
“Just coming to ask a bit of a favour from my favourite Cryomancer,” Johnny claimed and Kuai gave a sly smile.
“I’m your favourite Cryomancer?” He teasingly questioned. “Or are you just trying to butter me up to get me to go through with some stupid plan you’ve come up with?”
“Excuse you, when have I ever come up with a stupid plan and tried to rope you into it?” Johnny asked, placing his hand on his chest in mock offence.
“Do you really want the list?“ Kuai sighed, pushing himself to sit up, before scrambling to try and actually stand. Johnny held out a hand, and Kuai took it, the other man helping haul him off the floor. “What do you need?”
“So, y’know I’ve been putting together a team with Special Forces?” Johnny asked and Kuai hummed in confirmation. From what Johnny had told him, the team consisted of 4 recruits, and while it sounded like they still had a long way to go in terms of working as a team, they did have a lot of promise. “Well, I was thinking about setting up a little test for them. Just to see how they might handle a difficult situation.”
“And I’m guessing you want The Lin Kuei to be their test?” Kuai assumed, with an eyebrow raised.
“Exactly. But I’m thinking of making it look real to them, y’know. Say that we lost contact with you, and need them to investigate.” Something about that caught Kuai Liang’s attention.
“Are you sure this is a test?” Kuai tilted his head slightly, trying to stop himself from laughing. “Because it rather sounds like you’re asking me to help you prank them.”
“Well, it being a prank doesn’t negate it being a test, it can be both those things.” Johnny shrugged dramatically and stuck his tongue out, and Kuai quickly put a hand over his mouth to hide his amusement. “So, what do you say? Wanna help me prank these kids?”
Kuai couldn’t stop himself from chuckling, shaking his head and saying “you son of a bitch, I’m in.”
“Great,” Johnny cheered, pumping his fist in excitement. “I haven’t worked out all the details yet, but it’ll be easier now I have you on board. I’ll let you know more as I know.”
“Well, why don’t we have a cup of tea and at least discuss some ideas.” Kuai gestured towards the temple.
“God that sounds good.” They both turned and began walking towards the temple, with Johnny bringing up his hands to his biceps and making a brring sound. “I always forget how fucking cold it is up here.” Johnny glanced Kuai up and down. “Doesn’t help you’re constantly walking around with your tits out.”
“Yes, well, I don’t feel the cold like you do,” Kuai said with a shrug. “I’ll light a fire for you, if you’d like.”
“Sounds good.” As they stepped inside, Kuai glanced at Johnny to notice an evil grin emerging on his face. “Speaking of fire…” Before Johnny could continue Kuai groaned, knowing exactly what was coming next. “How’s the Alliance with the Shirai Ryu doing?”
“It’s going well.” Kuai rubbed the back of his head, he wasn’t stupid enough to think the alliance was what Johnny was genuinely interested in. “Hanzo still seems a bit skittish around me, but it’s getting easier I suppose.”
“Uh huh,” Johnny drawled, closing his eyelids slightly and placing a hand on his chin. “So… You still haven’t told him yet, huh?”
Kuai choked on the air, face growing hot. Even knowing it was coming, the discussion of that particular topic still managed to get him flustered.
“No,” Kuai squeaked, hoping they wouldn’t run into any of his students. He didn’t exactly need them seeing him acting like a shy school girl over his crush. “I- I mean, it just seems like a bad idea, especially right now.”
“Is it a bad idea because you don’t think Hanzo will be able to handle your feelings, or a bad idea because you still have hang ups on if you deserve to be loved?” God damn, Johnny knew exactly which hard hitting questions to ask, and more importantly, how to ask them in a way that didn’t mean Kuai felt like he wanted to run for the hills rather than answer.
“A little of both, I guess.” He opened the door to his private quarters, stepping aside to let Johnny in first. He followed and shut the door behind him. “If there’s something that’s very clear to me, it’s that Hanzo very much still loves Harumi, and I do not wish to do anything that would get in the way of his grief.” He paused and sighed, “and well… You already know about the second one.”
“Okay. I am going to let you off this once, cause I agree that Grandmaster Grumpy Face is probably not ready for a new relationship.” Johnny reached forward and gently patted his shoulder. “But I do think you need to tell him how you feel at some point. Because otherwise, those feelings are just gonna eat you alive, and it’ll just get harder to say as time goes by.” Johnny gave him a smile. “And despite what you think, you do deserve to be happy, Kuai Liang.”
Kuai nodded, and smiled slightly. Really his feelings for Hanzo were new and, for the first time in his life, terrifying. He wanted love so badly, but he felt so guilty even thinking of asking that of Hanzo. Then there was that scary thought that even if Hanzo did accept his feelings, it would just end up how it did in the past. Mindless sex with little to no emotion. Kuai Liang giving his all and wearing his heart on his sleeve just for it to be stomped all over.
He didn’t truly believe that Hanzo would be so cruel and callous with him, yet there was a traitorous part of his mind that whispered “but what if he is?”
“I will keep that in mind.” He would, he supposed. One day he’d have to get over his fears. But for now, he could push it away. That was something for future Kuai Liang to worry about. “I’ll get the fire started.”
The conversation thankfully returned back to the subject of the test. Still, even as Johnny and he discussed the details, there was a part of Kuai thinking about Hanzo, and wondering if there really was any possibility that he could be with him.
“I love you, Snowflake.”
Kuai did not stifle his moans as Hanzo kissed along his neck. He was on his back, being gently pressed against the mattress by Hanzo’s body. The pressure was just right, he didn’t feel like he was being smothered, it was more reassuring than that.
One of Hanzo’s hands was on the side of Kuai’s face, the other hooked under one of Kuai’s legs, lifting it up. Kuai’s hands were wrapped around Hanzo’s torso, resting on Hanzo’s back and pushing him closer. Holding him like if he didn’t he’d just disappear from his arms. Another kiss, sucked into the skin of Kuai’s neck reassured him that would not happen.
Hanzo thrusted his hips, gently but expertly aimed. Hitting Kuai’s sweet spot exactly and making his toes curl. He whined, rolling his hips a little to meet Hanzo’s own movements. Everything about this felt amazing, the way Hanzo stretched him out, the way he managed to hit that bundle of nerves every time. Hanzo’s lips were still practically glued to Kuai’s neck, showering him with kisses.
“Hanzo,” Kuai breathed out, arching his back and closing his eyes. “Hanzo.” The name came from his lips like he was giving a sermon. This experience was holy, sacred and Kuai Liang never wanted to stop feeling this way.
Their sex could get rough, they had fun figuring out their shared kinks. But even then it was different from the experiences he’d had before. Hanzo cared about his comfort, it was important to him to know exactly how Kuai was feeling throughout. And when everything was over? He never just left Kuai Liang to deal with the aftermath alone. He was there, doting on Kuai, spoiling him and showering him with adoration.
But then there were nights like this. Nights where there were no harsh touches or words. Only softness that frightened Kuai Liang at first for how foreign it was to him. He was so used to roughness that Hanzo being gentle, like Kuai Liang may break in his hands if he weren’t, was something he was genuinely unsure of at first. Could someone like him be gentle? Did he deserve it?
As Hanzo reached down between their torsos, gripping Kuai’s cock firmly and stroking, Kuai decided he no longer cared if he deserved this or not. This was wonderful, everything Hanzo did was wonderful, and he knew that he would be addicted to the other man's touch for the rest of his life. He couldn’t live without him.
“Hanzo,” Kuai gasped out desperately, fingers working his cock so wonderfully. “Please.”
“Let go, Kuai Liang,” Hanzo whispered in his ear, thumb reaching the head of his cock to circle it.
Kuai couldn’t hold back any longer, he gasped loudly as he came, closing his eyes as the pleasure flowed through him in waves. Hanzo continued to stroke him, helping him chase the aftershocks of pleasure. He knew throughout it all, his hole clenched around Hanzo’s cock, and given how snappy his thrusts were getting, it wouldn’t be long before he was coming too.
Hanzo desperately searched for Kuai’s lips, locking with his own, muffling his own loud moan. Kuai Liang could feel himself being filled, and god, it felt so weird how much of a blissful experience it was. Knowing that even once Hanzo pulled out, that part of him was still deep inside. That meant so much to Kuai in a way not even he could comprehend.
Hanzo broke the kiss, only to pepper a few more light pecks across Kuai’s face. Another display of affection that Kuai Liang adored. He giggled, even as he felt Hanzo remove himself. There was a very brief spike of panic, the fear this would be the day that Hanzo just up and left him. It was quickly snuffed out, when Hanzo’s hands cupped his face.
“Are you well, love?” Hanzo asked, and Kuai almost cried that such a small action made his heart sing.
“I am, thank you.” Kuai lent up to give Hanzo another quick kiss. “Thank you.”
Hanzo chuckled, clearly holding back from telling Kuai that he didn’t have to thank him. “Come on, let’s get cleaned up.”
He moved off the bed, before scooping Kuai up in his arms. Kuai wrapped his arms around Hanzo’s neck, partially for stability, and partially because it helped him feel closer. Hanzo navigated the room, quickly reaching the ensuite bathroom. He carefully placed Kuai down in the tub, running the taps.
“I’ll get the soaps.” Hanzo stood up to go and walk over to the cabinet. He called over his shoulder. “Is there anything else you desire?”
“Could I have some mochi ice cream? Chocolate flavour, of course.” He felt a little silly about the clarification. But Hanzo didn’t say anything, just gave a small amused sigh.
“You can have anything you wish for, Snowflake.”
Snowflake. Hanzo had several pet names for Kuai, but Snowflake was the one that always stood out to Kuai. It felt so much more personal than any of the others.
Kuai thought back at the various names he’d been called over the years. He’d always just accepted them, never really thought about it. Most of the time, the reason for the name was obvious. And while he could think of at least one reason for it, the curiosity on if there was more to Snowflake than he realised was all too much.
“Hanzo,” Kuai softly spoke to get his lover's attention. Hanzo looked over his shoulder, still trying to get out the things he wanted for the bath. “Why do you call me Snowflake?”
Hanzo’s face dropped a little, and in a worried tone he asked “do you not like being called that?”
“Oh, I love it,” Kuai assured him, holding his hands up as if to try and reassure Hanzo. “I was just curious if there was a particular reason for it.” He tilted his head. “Other than it being winter related, that is.”
“I see.” Hanzo finished grabbing what he needed from the cabinet, walking over to place them by the side of the bath. “Well, I guess I call you that, because snowflakes remind me of you.” Hanzo knelt down on the floor beside him. “They float through the air so gracefully, like you on the battlefield. They are delicate, and yet so strong in the right circumstance. They have a tendency to bring delight to those who witness them. Your mere presence in the world changes it. Everyone is different and unique, just as you are amongst our peers.” Hanzo looked straight into Kuai Liang’s eyes and smiled softly as he answered with “and most importantly… They are beautiful, as are you.”
Kuai hiccupped. There they were, the butterflies. There were tears in his eyes, but this time, they were good ones. Even now, the way Hanzo talked about him left him feeling like his heart genuinely could beat from his chest. He was not used to it, and he hoped he never would be just so he could never take Hanzo’s love for granted.
“Are you okay?” Hanzo asked, placing his hand on Kuai’s cheek carefully. Obviously the tears were concerning him.
“I’m wonderful.” Kuai smiled, letting Hanzo see that it was just overwhelming happiness flowing through him. He reached forward himself, placing his hand on Hanzo’s cheek in turn. “You are wonderful.” He lent forward, pressing his lips to Hanzo’s. When he felt the other man kiss him back, he couldn’t help the exhale from his nose. He wrapped his hands around Hanzo’s neck, resting his head on Hanzo’s shoulder, and he happily sighed “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Hanzo replied, his own hands now reaching to cradle Kuai gently. “I am so grateful that you are mine.”
Somehow, all those years of dreaming could not prepare Kuai Liang for how this felt. It wasn’t everything he imagined. No. It was better than anything he’d thought possible for him.
To love, and be loved in return.
Maybe the Elder Gods were smiling down on him after all.
#hurtcomfortbingo#mortal kombat#subscorp#seksub#kuai liang#sub zero#scorpion#hanzo hasashi#sektor#mk sektor#🫧hurt and comfort bingo
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Supercorp FicRec P. 28
The next part in my ongoing ficrec series. I go through my bookmarks on AO3 and select the ones I like the best and add a little commentary on why. 5 fics per part. (under the cut)
Masterpost
give me mercy no more by searidings
kara and lena would go, have been, to hell and back for one another. but heaven? that's a whole different ball game.
w: 23,195
r: general audiences
S6 black mercy AU. Lex is there and plotting, they foil the plan of course and finally their feelings come to light. Short, intense, happy ending! Looots of feelings.
We Deserve Only Good Things by ThornedRose44
“Are you Lena?”
The girl jolted in her spot on the sofa, hugging the bear closer to her chest. “Yes.”
Even though Kara had known it from the second she had laid eyes on the child, the confirmation still managed to take her by surprise.
“Who are you?” Lena asked, trying to sound as confident as she could.
“Oh, my name’s Kara.” Kara replied warmly, taking a step forward, eager to move closer to offer reassurance before halting the second she saw the younger version of her once best friend flinch. “It’s okay,” Kara quickly soothed, “It’s okay. I won’t hurt you.”
Lena peered over the top of her bear’s fuzzy head, “Promise?”
Kara knelt down and smiled brightly, “Promise.”
or
Following Lex’s defeat, Kara and Lena are struggling to rebuild their friendship and let go of the hurt caused on both sides when Kara and Lena work together to help an alien return home. To show their gratitude for being saved the alien provides the two of them a chance to close the rift still between them. How? By getting them to meet each other's younger selves.
w: 28,678
r: mature
S6. Reconciliation is hard but they get help. Hits you right in the feels - and hard. SO well done, truly its a gem. Meeting little Kara and Lena was a real treat, wish we'd had more of that in the show. She writes them both so well and just knows how to cut them to the core. Brilliant!
something so precious about this (oh what a sin) by Just_As_Sane
Small folded pieces of paper begin to gather in her wallet. There’s swans, cute puppy faces with tiny noses drawn on them, various sized stars and there’s fish, frogs even a dinosaur.
But mostly there’s hearts.
She tries not to read too much into it.
or
Kara makes little origami creations and gives them to Lena, and Lena being the complete and utter sap that she is, loves them with all her heart.
w: 4,399
r: mature
I adore this one. Its so soft and sweet and comforting. All fluff, no angst. Definitely one of my go-to comfort fics. (and i am absolutely like this Lena when im in love lol)
What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it? by ThornedRose44
If Lena didn’t know any better she would say she was being haunted.
By an actual ghost.
But Lena knew better. She had one of the highest IQ’s in the country. So Lena knew better.
THE JUST LIKE HEAVEN AU
w: 83,635
r: teen and up
This ones a lot funnier than it might sound. It gets a bit sad and sappy later, but that makes the story even better. Very happy ending (Kara is not actually dead). Also if you haven't already do check out all her fics. (tho i probably recd them all by now)
i love that i know you (like no one does) by robie
“Help me understand,” Kara says. “Are you saying everyone falls in love with their best friend?”
“I’m saying that queer women have a special affinity for it,” Lena repeats, fishing the cherry out of the bottom of her drink. “The whole ‘falling for your straight best friend’ is basically a rite of passage.”
“Says who?”
“Everyone.” She puts the cherry in her mouth, bites it off the stem. “The L Word was like, built on the premise that a friend group of queer woman in LA dated each other in some sort of terrible repeating circle for, god, however many seasons that went on. And it’s been my experience that when two people are attracted to each other, and they’re close, feelings are likely to develop.”
“That’s just, I mean, come on.” Kara’s cheeks are a little pink. “A trope and a tv show? That’s your evidence?”
“So you’ve never been in love with your best friend?” Lena looks down at her empty glass.
“No!” Kara sounds affronted. “No, I have never been in love with my best friend.”
or
A love story, told in three acts.
w: 47,367
r: mature
Sooo they totally fall in love of course, it just takes a while - cue jUsT fRiEndS shenanigans. Like so so many of them. Lots of pinging, a little angsty but eventually they stop being dumb. So so so well written.
Don't forget to leave some love for the writers! Happy reading!
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so first off SALS includes the right both to like and hate a ship. it just means be chill. but basically as someone who (sorry) enjoys steddyhands/stizzy (sorry)... man I wish more of people who were into it were normal (sorry again). like dude it sucks having to basically go into fics with a checklist of things that it needs to do or avoid, or suddenly hitting one sentence and going "fuck this shit, I'm out."
I've always been a crack-ish multishipper. putting characters into relationships who are not canonically in one and maybe shouldn't be and thinking about what might happen has always been fun for me. relationships are emotionally intense and great for character drama/interactions in general. and these ships only work if you soften izzy. like obviously. I think there are ways to do it that keep him more recognizable, but sometimes people just don't care.
to me, stizzy without steddyhands only works in some kind of au where neither of them know ed, and even then I think you should ask yourself why you are pairing them together and not gentlebeard. I think there are legitimately premises that you could explore with stizzy and not with gentlebeard. on the most basic levels there's the enemies-to-lovers thing, but there's also izzy's toxic masculinity/internalized homophobia issues. how would he deal with being in a relationship with his complete antithesis? how would this force him to confront his inner demons? how would stede react to these struggles? how would he try to help, and when would he get mad at izzy for being an asshole? you can write a story where getting together with stede forces ed to confront his inner demons, but the stizzy version of that and the gentlebeard version of that are not going to be the same story.
in the end, I think this comes down to a very basic disconnect (besides the racism and shitty tropes, and all that). in my mind there are two kinds of fanfiction: fanfiction that exists primarily to be in communication with its source text, and fanfiction that exists primarily to get an emotional response out of the audience (porn, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, any emotion, basically). this isn't a one-or-the-other situation, but every fic and every writer thinks one of these is more important than the other. every fic favors one of those goals. and having the latter goal isn't a bad thing! most bad fics have the latter goal, but not every fic with the latter goal is a bad fic.
stizzy and steddyhands, as ships, do not exist primarily to be in communication with the source text. and if they are, that communication is usually opinions I don't like (izzy deserves to be a protagonist or some shit, yknow). these ships exist for porn, for hurt/comfort, for angst, for fluff, for creating a highly specific emotional experience for the author and readers. "well why are they even writing fanfiction then?"/"why don't they go find other characters who are closer to the dynamic they're writing" because they are attached to these characters and want them involved in these emotions, and because they are okay with their work being very different from the source material.
idk if this makes any sense lol. it's not exactly a defense or anything. it's definitely not a defense of people who think ed needs to be babysat, fuck those guys. I guess I just kinda wanted to give my perspective on why these ship interest me? I think a lot of y'all's posts on the subject come down to: "why would anyone like this? it wouldn't work in canon" and the canyon response to that is "well it does actually *some fucking bullshit, etc etc*" and my response to that is "I know, I'm fine with that, I just like the situations it opens up and I like the emotional catharsis I can experience from some of these fics, even tho they are 'bad fics' in that they are not in any sort of real communication with the source text." and you can think that's bad lol, like it does sound kinda bad when I write it out like that. but you can't get the specific flavors of emotional catharsis from fics from any other medium of art, generally speaking. not in the same way, not easily, and not in 2k words.
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The Fallen Star
AO3 / Commissions / Links /
Warnings: sad with happy ending, hurt/comfort, fallen Angel Crowley
Summary: How did Crowley’s fall went? What did he feel and thought?
Snakes can’t see stars, so what emotions it provoked when he couldn’t see his beloved creation?
a/n: I’m writing this while I’m ill with fever, so I’m sorry for mistakes :’)
A little explanation:
- I used “She” pronoun for the universe. When you see She underlined, it’s to distinguish the universe from God.
This whole fic was inspired by a quote from Romeo and Juliet at first.
I’m really ill, therefor I didn’t have energy to draw, but I’ll might add an illustration later on.
Hope you enjoy 🫶
“ Ha, banishment! Be merciful, say 'death;
For exile hath more terror in his look,
Much more than death. Do not say 'banishment' . “
Romeo and Juliet / Act 3 - Scene 5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don’t think I’ll ever forget,
The fear and pain in my chest,
When I first looked up to My beautiful sky,
From Below ,
And I couldn’t properly see,
Because of these Snake eyes given to me,
All My Stars were Up there,
Above my head,
But I couldn’t make out their twinkling smile,
Nor feel their harmonies from the inside.
The dark sky was a huge canvas,
Which one’s observing without their glasses.
Every detail was there,
Just concealed behind a foggy curtain.
From amongst the clouds of confusion,
I’ve reached out my hand,
In an attempt,
To calm my screaming heart,
And sing a fake lullaby to my concerns,
But to my utter fright,
Instead of light,
I felt the Below’s darkness in my palm.
My hand was the same, yet different,
There were decorated with black, long nails,
And looking around my side,
I saw abandoned, black feathers in the dark,
“What?! How—“
And then,
Everything flooded my mind,
With the force of thousand Nebulas.
“ I wouldn’t worry tho.
What kind of trouble can I get into,
By only asking a few? “
— I asked my new companion,
Called Aziraphale,
While we looked at My Creation, the Universe.
She was so beautiful,
As we looked,
Bathing in Her new light of love,
And laughing colorful.
If I only knew,
What will happen,
Because I had ideas of my own!
The curly haired angel left me,
While I stayed,
Debating what he told me.
Shutting down all of it,
6000 years will be nothing!
She needs more time to bloom,
And grow,
Many cherry blossoms would result,
In the infinity planned by me.
6000 years!
What’s the point?
Creating something,
Let it be small or vast,
If You not let it run?
What’s the point indeed ?!
Why Create something new,
With the intention of Destruction,
From the very Beginning?
Suddenly, there was a change,
However the stars were blinking the same,
But there was a new feeling in the ‘air’,
Which, it looked like,
Only I felt.
I felt a sharp push in my chest,
And started falling into gloominess.
The longer I descended below,
The more torment flushed over me.
My light wings before,
Were now heavy iron balls.
Thus I sank deeper and deeper into the blankness,
Suffocating under invisible burdens.
My shining orbits seemed to get miniature,
And fade,
As if a cloud shielded them from me.
I don’t know how much time had passed,
But I woke up in darkness.
All I felt,
Were harsh Iceness and Pain,
Something new was storming thru my veins,
And instead of light and warm,
It was dark and cool.
Black feathers?
What are they doing here?
I’ve never seen an angel with—
A realisation hit me that moment,
As I looked over my shoulder and saw Them.
My wings!
Which were snowy white and golden,
Light as a gentle breeze and holy,
Were now black and cheerless,
Instead of light,
They were heavy as the orbits in the sky.
Oh how much mourning and agony they caused at first!
Being the cause,
Of a decade lasting soreness in sight.
Nononono!
This can’t be happening!
I did nothing!
“Please Almighty,
Look down your servant and see,
What a misunderstanding happened to me!”
But Answers and the Voice never came,
She abandoned and punished me,
For something tiny.
This is all that it took in the Old Times,
Ask, and then see Her light from Behind.
I became a slave to the Dark,
Destined to never see my beloved Stars.
Why made me fall?
Just so suffer?
Be merciful and say Death,
And don’t leave me in Banishment.
A few years went by,
While I tried to accept my fate,
Existing Downside.
Then came the Task,
That changed everything for Up, Middle and Down.
I became the creature that crawls on the ground,
The tempting Serpent of Eden,
Charged to lure and disturb,
Change lives of all.
And there was I,
Seeing myself for the first time,
In the diamond water of a lake in the innocent night.
My hair became ruby red,
There was a symbol of a snake on the head,
My wings were intimidating and lonely,
And my Eyes were glowing darkly.
Snake like pupils and golden iris,
Which prevents me to see My shining orbits.
I became a Demon,
Doomed to lose,
Everything I did and will adore—
“Crowley dear!
The chocolate is still yummy and cosy!”
— The Serpent was called back to reality,
By his beloved silly,
Him and Aziraphale were a pair,
Living quietly in their store.
The man with the sunglasses started a diary,
Due to the nagging of his darling.
“Comin’ !”
Maybe I don’t lose everything I adore,
He’s always been here and cared,
Whether I’m fine or sad.
They spent the evening lazily,
Drinking in each other merrily.
And for the first time in decades,
Crowley felt Safe.
tagging: @giosnape
let me know if you would like to be tagged<3
#go fic#good omens fic#angel crowley#fallen crowley#good omens#good omens fanwork#good omens fanfiction#good omens fandom#crowley good omens#crowley#poem#poems#poems on tumblr#ao3#good omens crowley#good omens tv#go crowley
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Ep 15 where Hikaru holds Kaoru's hand trembling because he was scared for his safety... that shit fuckin HITS. I love how well Hikaru and Kaoru were able to use their trickster personas to hide the fact that that Wasnt Planned, and how it was silently agreed to do that because anything else would be Too Genuinely Vulnerable.
And how Hikaru is worried too!! How Kaoru has to comfort Hikaru when it really should be the other way around, but Hikaru legit just Cannot handle his own emotions and needs Kaoru to comfort him about his worry. Like!!! Ive been in situations where I've had to comfort somone because they were really worried about me and part of me was a little annoyed, like 'this really should be about me rn', but a much bigger part of me was overwhelmed by the emotions of someone being so worried about me that they Needed to hold my hand to make sure im there and alive and okay. Now I don't think Kaoru was too surprised by Hikarus response given, well, their whole dynamic, but I still like to think its something he secretly likes but knows he shouldnt. Like ofc he doesnt want to get hurt. But like. Idk he cant deny that the very outward worry from someone he loves as much as Hikaru is a bit addicting. So I like to think he hides his injuries from him generally, in part as to not worry Hikaru because he cares about him. But also because he likes his response Too Much. Hope that makes sense lmao
Also as an aside because ive been thinking about it, in episode 16 I love just how much is shown to the audience about the twins dynamic in their tiny interaction where Kaoru follows after Hikaru after his outburst about Arai. Like Kaoru doesnt even really console him, he like. Makes fun of his temper. But his tone of voice is so different than usual, much softer and sincere sounding, at least in the dub. And i just love how they showed that they're very open and honest about their feelings with eachother. Theyre not good communicators (well Hiakru isnt), but they dont have to be with eachother. They just know what the other intends. I also love how Hikaru doesnt redirect his anger to Kaoru, something that would be so easy to do, especially given that he doesnt understand his own emotions. He's just is kinda gruff and open with him. And Kaoru is just as open in that he doesnt agree with Hikarus behavior. But it doesnt come across like a disagreement because they're just. So in sync. Kaoru just wants Hikaru to be better and learn and Hikaru couldnt be actually pissy with him even if he's pissed generally. Idk just those episodes are just so damn good. Episode 16 is a bit hard to watch for me tho, cause of how majorly dickish Hiakru is, which sucks because its one of my favorites
AUGH AGUH IT TRULY IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD...I LOOOOVE Hikaru's overreactions in the show. Being separate from Kaoru, seeing him get hurt, he goes APESHIT. He's so fucking unhealthily codependant it's awesome.......But also, I think it's usually the quick succession or severity of these things. Like, Hikaru CAN be alone as we've seen in episode 16, but I think sudden and forceful separation makes him panic like in ep 21. Same with Kaoru being wounded. I think what scared him the most was how quick it happened, and the fact Kaoru legit could have died or gotten seriously injured if the vase fell on his head. Kaoru seems to be a lot more calm in these situations like in ep 26 where he has every right to fucking panic about Hikaru being flung off of the [REDACTED] bc let's be real....based on the way he fell he should have broke a rib or his neck not his arm. And while Kaoru was super worried obviously he didn't go into panic mode like Hikaru would have. Whether it's simply a better grasp on his emotions (doubtful) or him masking as to not maybe make Hikaru panic more is for debate. I just think it's interesting they both react in their own ways to the other being injured.
That reminds me, I have...2 fics I should prob finish one day about either Hitachiin getting hurt and the other freaking out lol. One is based off that part in ep 26
Now I don't think Kaoru was too surprised by Hikarus response given, well, their whole dynamic, but I still like to think its something he secretly likes but knows he shouldnt. Like ofc he doesnt want to get hurt. But like. Idk he cant deny that the very outward worry from someone he loves as much as Hikaru is a bit addicting. So I like to think he hides his injuries from him generally, in part as to not worry Hikaru because he cares about him. But also because he likes his response Too Much. Hope that makes sense lmao
THIS ^^^^^^^^ I 100% agree. I think considering how unhealthily codependent they are, Kaoru would absolutely get some sort of validation and dopamine over Hikaru worrying about him. It cements to Kaoru that Hikaru still cares, something he worries about a lot. He knows (thinks) they won't be close forever, knows (thinks) that they'll drift apart sometime here, and so getting those reactions from Hikaru is a way of comforting him, by letting him know it's not that time yet and Hikaru still cares.
Like you said, I think Kaoru (unless he was very mentally unwell, which I CAN see in specific settings or instances) wouldn't try to hurt himself or put himself in dangerous situations to get a reaction out of his brother. For the most part he would hide that aspect of himself and by extension any injury he got because he feels really guilty and weird that he gets a sense of euphoria over driving Hikaru up a wall with worry. So it's better to just not engage at all.
ALSO YEAH episode 16 was such a good episode to show case the differences and ways the twins handle individual conflict. I love that scene in the bedroom, showing how the twins can be snappy with each other but you can clearly tell it doesn't mean anything malicious. It's just how they talk, which makes sense. I also really love just....uhhhhghghgh Kaoru. Kaoru who orchestrated a whole date for his brother just to teach him some important life lesson, coming to terms he couldn't teach that to Hikaru himself. Juxtaposed to ep 21 where he's afraid of "losing" HIkaru, there's some bitter irony in the fact it's all Kaoru's own fault Hikaru is as open as he is now, as he directly pushed his brother to be those things, and the fact that even KNOWING he's the reason he still can't let go as he tails his brother around in ep 16, it's so so so fucking good. I think a lot of people forget Kaoru is JUST as emotional as Hikaru, and this episode portrays it well. Kaoru is just very quiet about his emotions, and so his need to always be involved in Hikaru's life, his fear of losing him, translates to, basically, micromanaging and stalking him. Which is Not Healthy and I think a lot of people think just cuz Kaoru doesn't have violent outbursts like Hikaru does that means he's not as emotional which just isn't true at all.
I think it's funny you dislike how much of a petulant brat Hikaru was in that episode. I mean tbf, the show WANTS you to disagree with him because the point of the episode is to teach him that important lesson, but I found it personally hilarious the fact he acted like that. It's very, very Hikaru to get Angry at any emotion and situation you don't understand. I will say tho I do have issues rewatching ep 16 because it is So Much Emotional Baggage for me. I care too much about these paper drawings and so I care Too Much watching the episode.
Also cuz I view the hika/haru stuff in a completely platonic way cuz I think it's better for the story and I know the author and stuff meant for it to be romantic which semi pisses me off. Hikaru could never pull a woman. Don't make me laugh.
However, he SHOULD have gone on an apology date with Arai. That would have been awesome.
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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers
thank you @glasscushion this was really fun!
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
two under various pseuds rn and 1? or 2? orphaned fics from years ago
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
19.6k!! not much but i’m proud of it <3
3. What fandoms do you write for?
hopefully f1 skdjskjd. ive got a ted lasso wip i reeeeally want to finish someday. and a newsies historically accurate magnum opus that may never see the light but that’s fine
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
i only have two non-orphaned fics published rn so:
five times colin cooks for his team (and one time his team cooks for him)
cute lil 5+1 ted lasso fic !! mildly colin/isaac but mostly colin & co being besties. written before season 3 came out
a look never hurt this much
tiny meat gang soulmates au (i refuse to be ashamed abt this). noel/cody lol
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
oh absolutely yes!! i treat comments like dms honestly i love giving a directors commentary type whatever in the comments
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
an orphaned fic in a to-remain unnamed fandom. unrequited love very very angsty stuff but more than a bit silly looking back on it (i was like 14 and really going through it). i tend to write very domestic-y stuff so not much i write has any lasting angst in it!
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
probably my tiny meat gang soulmates au mentioned above i won’t lie 😭 i haven’t read back through it since i wrote it so if it’s bad don’t blame me
8. Do you get hate on fics?
i’ve never gotten hate on fics thank god i would die
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
i’m trying to figure out how to write it lol (ask me about curly girl method lando and blowjobs). unfortunately (fortunately?) my draw to silly domestic stuff shines through so it’s not like molten hot smut, it’s kinda silly sex, i won’t lie
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
ive never published one bc i am occasionally a coward but i have many many notes on them/half written stuff. i like a lot of things and i like mashing those things together like barbie dolls! i think the craziest one i ever conceived of was newsies x music man tbh.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
who knows. as far as i know no
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
nope!
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
no but i would LOVE to omg i feel like there’s so much potential to balance out my weaknesses with other people’s
14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?
i am a multi shipper girlie i can be convinced of the appeal of ANYTHING. in terms of f1. lando/oscar maybe tho. won’t lie pierre/esteban kinda hitting…
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
hm i have some very grandiose far-reaching plots floating around rn (runners au and apartment/roommates au) that will be written and ���completed,” but probably won’t ever fully get expanded to the point i’ve thought about them, if that makes sense
16. What are your writing strengths?
oh i like to think i’m very good at writing like. domestic intimacy/intimate friendships. feeling like home. comfort, and food! ppl tend to describe my writing as cozy and lived in, and i think that’s what i’m good at! (someone once said reading my fic was like eating comfort food and i literally cried)
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
transitioning!! time passing!! i’m so bad at that! also smut as i’ve discovered lol. i tend to stay away from genres i feel like im bad at writing so that’s less of an issue (hence why i haven’t really written any real angst). writing on my own w no feedback is Hard i would die for someone to look over my stuff
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
if it’s like a random line/couple of lines in a different language then usually i’ll put it in english but in italics. if the entire fic is between people who would all be speaking the same (non english) language then i don’t bother. i don’t translate to that language tho bc i don’t trust translation sites and im VERY rusty on my languages (you will not get french or mandarin in a fic from me i would die of fear). throwing in random words in other languages also makes me cringe in my own writing for some reason? but it doesn’t bother me in others’ writing lol
19. First fandom you wrote for?
if we mean published fic, for either 5 seconds of summer (cringes) or the maze runner, i can’t remember. if we mean wrote in general, definitely harry potter when i was like 9 in a little notebook that i sincerely hope has been burned since then.
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
probably the ted lasso fic! i love writing food, and comfort, and that’s like entirety of the fic, so. if i get runners au off the ground any time soon i would bet money on that becoming my fave tho
pretty much every single one of my mutuals has been tagged in this already so. if you see this and you wanna do it do it like i’ve tagged you!!!
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