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kunikidas-lost-glasses · 1 year

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Kunikida helping Dazai when he's struggling/at his lowest ft. Married!Soukoku

Please be mindful of the TWs

TWS: Dazai typical mentions of SH and suicide, metions of relapse, nightmares, very slight mention of feeling empty, being scared of feelings, mentions of panicking, mentions of grieving after a loved person, very slight mention of dissociation, slight mention of feeling like going crazy

Probably very ooc but idk

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Kunikida is the only one besides Chuuya who is allowed to see Dazai at his lowest, who is allowed to comfort him and who is allowed to change his bandages when Dazai isn't able to do so. He just happened to gain a lot of Dazai's trust over the years of working as partners and now he is always there for Dazai. Especially when Chuuya isn't available.

The first time he saw Dazai being close to breaking down was one night where the latter suddenly stood in front of his apartment, wearing only his pyjamas and a random pair of shoes, looking like he would break down at any moment.

After Dazai married Chuuya and moved in together with him, he really wanted to try to live for his chibi even though he knew how hard it was. He tried not to hurt himself anymore and he tried to stop attempting because he hated how hurt and pained Chuuya looked when Dazai dragged himself home, drenched in water and shivering from trying to drown himself in the river or when his body was covered in new bruises and scars again.

It was hard but he really did his best and Chuuya helped him wherever he could without giving him the feeling that he would baby him bc it really wasn't something one could manage alone. Dazai was far too broken and messed up for doing this completely alone.

He was there for him when the urges to attempt not to harm himself got too much again, he was there for him during relapses and breakdowns and celebrated with him when he managed to fight off the urges.

After a while he really managed to become and stay clean and stopped to attempt but one day where Chuuya had to stay overnight in the Mafia due to a lot of paperwork he nearly attempted again.

Chuuya had been staying at the PM headquarters overnight because he had so much paperwork to do. Some people who were under his command had failed a mission and now there was a lot of paperwork to do. Mori had demanded that Chuuya had to finish them at the end of the week, meaning that he had only two days left. Due to this, Chuuya decided to work overnight even though he absolutely despised it.

He had often asked Dazai if he would be okay with this since the younger had been feeling down lately with Oda's death day approaching but the younger agreed so Chuuya stayed at the headquarters.

Dazai had been fine over the day. He worked at the ADA the whole day like usual, teasing his co-workers and Ranpo even invited him to spend his break with him and Poe at the café (He was sure that Ranpo already knew that he was struggling a bit since the last few weeks) and when he went home he was only a bit tired.

However the longer he was in this big empty house, the more his depression and his dark thoughts started to creep back inside his mind and sleeping was no option.

He had trouble falling asleep like usual and without Chuuya lying next to him it was even worse. Eventually he fell down an overthinking spiral so got up and walked around their home aimlessly, lost in thought. He tried to distract himself with random things but he fell down the spiral deeper and deeper. Ofc he thought about calling Chuuya and about breaking into his office to visit him but he knew that this would only distract his husband from working so he didn’t do it. After all, he didn't want Chuuya to get in trouble with Mori.

Eventually he just turned on the TV. TV usually bored him but sometimes it was nice to have some random talking in the background. Especially if the house seemed so horribly large and empty. Everything was just fine and he even managed to doze off for a bit but since he fell asleep while his mind was still racing and too stuffed with suppressed thoughts about Oda, he ended up having a nightmare about the latter's death. It was rare that Dazai had nightmares but when he had them they were horrible.

When he woke up screaming, he was alone. There was no redhead snoring quietly besides him and there was only the TV talking. His heart was racing and he felt the oh to familiar pain and grief which he always tried to suppress. His mind was filled with memories of the moment he held Oda, his breathing was hitched and his heart was racing which scared him even more. He still wasn't used to feeling a lot and accepting it.

The house seemed suddenly big and empty to him, his breathing became hitched, his chest became terribly tight giving him the feeling as if he couldn't breathe properly anymore and as if he wasn't getting enough air anymore and his body ached. He wasn't wearing his bandages since he stopped wearing them around Chuuya at home so he had to somewhat control himself not to accidentally hurt himself in his sheer panic. In no time everything got too much. He knew these panic attacks but he never tried to deal with them in a healthy way.

He wanted to slam his head against a wall multiple times, hoping to pass out and wanted to attempt to make it stop but the image of a certain redhead wouldn't leave his mind. He was torn between wanting to live for Chuuya and the old urges, making him feel like he would go crazy for sure.

His love for Chuuya was stronger and like in a trance he dragged himself out his house and went to the only other person besides Chuuya who he trusted and that was Kunikida.

The way to his apartment felt like years and was probably one of the worst times he had experienced before. The urges to just attempt in some way were racing through his head but somehow he managed to arrive at the apartment safely.

It was late at night so of course Kunikida was a bit pissed when opening the door but after he saw how horribly pale, messed up and scared Dazai looked but also how empty his eyes were and that he wasn't wearing any bandages and just his Pyjama he was wide awake, worriedly guiding Dazai inside.

Dazai was like in some trance and was caught up in thoughts. The younger nearly collapsed twice due to exhaustion while they made their way over to Kunikida's comfy living room so Kunikida helped him walk after a while.

He was thinking that Chuuya and Dazai had a horrible fight and was already ready to fight the Mafia executive even though he was pretty scared of the redhead and even though he knew that he would most likely lose against him.

After he sat Dazai down on the couch it took a few tries to get Dazai's attention and to snap him out of his trance. After Dazai seemed to fully realize that he made it to Kunikida's home,that the older was really seeing him in such a shape but after he also realized that he was most likely save from himself right now with his work partner there, he looked at Kunikida and nearly started to cry which startled the older.

He asked Dazai if it was okay to touch him and after the younger nodded his head, Kunikida hugged him tight and waited until Dazai calmed down a bit again. While holding Dazai he took a mental note that the younger luckily seemed to have gained some weight and wasn't as horribly boney anymore but that he was freezing so he had to bring him a bunch of blankets later.

After Dazai calmed down a bit, Kunikida worriedly asked him what happened and Dazai managed to choke out a short explanation. On one hand Kunikida was relieved to hear that he hadn't got in a horrible fight with Chuuya and that he came to him because the executive was still at work and not because he had been hurting him but he was still worried because the situation was still a bad one.

He didn't know how to deal with triggers and especially not how to deal with them when he had to help such an unpredictable person like Dazai. He still couldn't bear it to see his partner like this and he wanted to help desperately so he gently grabbed Dazai's hand and asked him what he could do to help him.

He spoke slowly and calmly the whole time while keeping his voice a bit down so that Dazai could follow his words and wouldn't feel threatened or get a sensory overload on top. He knew from experience that loud noises could easily lead to sensory overloads in such situations and he also knew how shitty they felt.

It took some time for Dazai to form a proper response in his head and to reply but that didn't matter. It was only normal. He told Kunikida anything he remembered, and which Kunikida could do (ofc he couldn't kiss or cuddle Dazai) , which Chuuya always did to help him calm down. Kunikida listened patiently and then did what Dazai told him to do. Most of the things were basic exercises like Dazai having to copy Kunikida's calm and steady breathing or the 5 things you can see method. The whole time, Kunikida didn't let go of Dazai's hand, squeezing it reassuringly whenever the younger's breathing started to get hitched again or when he teared up again. Dazai didn't tell him but it grounded him immensely. Physical touch was often one of the things which could ground him the best.

After Dazai fully calmed down for now and was kind of stable again, Kunikida got up and brought him a glass of water and asked Dazai for Chuuya's phone number, wanting to call the executive and wanting to inform him about what happened.

Dazai wanted to see Chuuya oh so badly. He wanted to get comforted and held by his husband but he also didn't want to worry Chuuya right now with this or distract him from his work. He knew that Chuuya would drop everything and come to him if he called and even though he was thankful for that and really wanted him to come, he also felt somewhat guilty.

After Kunikida gently reassured him that it would be okay and told him that he knew how bad he wanted his husband to be there as well that Chuuya deserved to know, Dazai gave him the number.

Chuuya picked the phone up after no time, asking Kunikida what he wanted from him at such a time, sounding rather annoyed and stressed. Kunikida apologized for the late call and told the executive about what happened. Chuuya's mood changed immediately from pissed to extremely worried, asking Kunikida if Dazai was okay and where he was right now while already getting up from his desk, grabbing his coat and storming out of his office and past some very confused guards.

Kunikida quickly managed to calm the other down a bit, telling him that Dazai was safe, uninjured and kind of okay with him in his apartment. He then told Chuuya his address (hoping that he won’t regret this later when the truce between the ADA and the PM was over) and told Dazai that Chuuya was coming here. Dazai was happy but still felt somewhat guilty.

Chuuya arrived in no time, he probably violated multiple traffic rules while driving to Kunikida’s house but he couldn’t care less. When Kunikida opened the door, Chuuya looked incredibly worried, asking him where Dazai was while entering the house. Kunikida led him to the living room where Dazai was lying curled up under blankets on the big couch, staring holes in the air with kind of empty eyes. As soon as he saw Chuuya, he sat up a bit and his eyes lit up again a bit but also got a bit teary.

As soon as Chuuya saw him, he rushed to him, kneeled next to the couch and let his shaky hands roam through his hair before hugging him so tight that Dazai thought his bones would crack. (ofc only after asking him if it would be okay to touch him and after Dazai gave his permission)

Dazai returned the hug, apologizing quietly to Chuuya for worrying him and interrupting his work. Chuuya told him to shut up and that he didn’t need to apologize for something like this. They held each other so close as if they were scared that if they let go, the other would disappear. The redhead told Dazai how proud he was of him for resisting and that he was sorry for not being there. Now it was Dazai’s turn to tell his husband that he didn’t need to apologize and quietly told him that he only resisted because of him.

At this point Chuuya couldn’t hide that fact that he was damn close to crying and he hugged Dazai even tighter, burying his face in the crook of Dazai’s neck, trying not to let the tears slip out of his eyes. They didn’t talk for a short while, holding each other close but they didn’t need words to understand each other anyways.

Eventually Chuuya broke the hug, cupping Dazai’s face with one of his hands, telling him how much he loved him and how proud he was of him.

Both still had teary eyes and when a few tears actually escaped Dazai’s eyes, Chuuya wiped them gently away. Of course he noticed Dazai getting a bit scared and uneasy as soon as he noticed the tears falling down his cheeks, so the other calmed him a bit down, telling him that it was completely okay and that it’s just human to cry. That he was allowed to cry. Chuuya knew how scared Dazai felt whenever he felt feelings instead of the emptiness inside of him.

Hearing Chuuya’s soft reassurance and hearing that Chuuya called him human made Dazai’s last bit of his emotional walls crumble down and he actually started to cry. Not out of fear or because he was upset. It was just that too much feelings were currently going on inside of him.

He still missed Oda, the night had been one hell but despite all of this, he still felt loved. His work partner who had always proclaimed that he would hate him had been there for him and saw him at his lowest, his husband was there, holding him, caressing him, calming him and calling him human and he had managed to resist the urge to relapse or try to off himself. Chuuya could only imagine the mess of feelings Dazai felt in the moment.

Feeling himself cry, panic rose up in Dazai and luckily his husband directly noticed. Chuuya had already expected something like this to happen so he sat down on the couch next to Dazai, held him close while Dazai clutched to him as if his life depended on the redhead (which is kinda was) and ran one of his hands through Dazai’s messy locks while softly telling him that everything was alright, that he was safe here and also told him to copy his calm breathing.

After he managed to calm Dazai down, he wiped away the tears before asking him how he felt. Dazai replied that he was sleepy and had quite a headache before quietly thanking Chuuya for being there. Even though he knew that Chuuya always said that he didn’t need to thank him for things like this, he thanked him anyway.

Dazai got sleepier and sleepier after a while and after Chuuya asked Dazai and Kunikida if it would be okay if they stayed here overnight and got the okay from both of them, Chuuya lied down on the couch, dragging the younger with him so that Dazai lied on top of him.

By now Chuuya himself was also quite exhausted, after all he had been overworking himself day and night since the last few days, but he stayed awake until Dazai drifted off into sleep, playing with his hair and peppering the top of Dazai’s head with soft kisses.

After Dazai fell asleep, he quietly mumbled how much he loved his idiot before placing one last kiss on the top of Dazai’s head. Then he looked at Kunikida again who sat down on the armchair, thanking him quietly once again for everything. Kunikida just smiled,telling Chuuya that he didn’t need to thank him and that it was only natural to help Dazai. After all, he cared about his work partner. He then asked the redhead if he needed anything and stayed a bit in the living room, chatting quietly with the mafia executive about everything, about what had happened and about work.

After a while Kunikida excused himself after bringing more blankets and a pillow for Chuuya, since he was really tired too and eventually Chuuya fell asleep too.

In the morning, Kunikida let the pair which soundly slept cuddled together on his couch sleep in and prepared a breakfast with freshly brewed tea for them after they woke up.

Dazai thanked Kunikida again too but also asked him to never tell anyone about last night. Kunikida of course promised him this and told the other that he could always come to him if he felt down when Chuuya wasn’t available. Even at work.

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