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ohtobeleah · 5 months

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Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Two: [Chemo & Charisma]

Summary: Jake arrives in Rhode Island to accompany his three kids back to Houston Texas the next morning. He expects it to be slightly awkward, but something he doesn’t expect is to be cryptically seduced by you—his ex wife.

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of Cancer Diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Separation. Marriage issues. Mentions of death. Minor smut (18+)

Word Count: 4.6k

Author Note: Thank you for all the love and support around this series so far. It truly has been an awesome experience getting to create this storyline with you all. I'm excited to see how you all react as the chapters come out. Your concepts, theories and reactions are truly making my December that much better.

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Turbulence…it can mean anything from a few little bumps to a catastrophic weather system that could knock your flying tin can right out of the air. In Surgery they call it a complication, the surgeons hit a snag, a bump in the road. Turbulence.

In your marriage, you called it Separation. One of the most unpredictable things about encountering turbulence is its aftermath. Everything’s been shaken up, undone, turned on its head. So you ask yourself time and time again, if you had the choice to avoid the plane crash, the turbulence altogether, would you take it? Would you play it safe and cancel the flight? Or would you get onboard and take your chances.

“Dad!” Little Lucy Seresin was just the spitting image of you and your grandmother. She was every bit you except for those big emerald green eyes. “Dad—!” You could see Jake making his way towards you and your three children through the crowd, all standing around your legs waiting for their father. The one who gave all three of your children those piercing emerald eyes that held what seemed like all the secrets in the universe. “Mum! Dads here! Dads here!”

“I see him sweetheart, there’s daddy.” You replied to your six year old, who, before you even had a chance to stop the only daughter of Jake Seresin, took off running across the crowded airport welcoming area towards her dad. You knew it had been far too long since Jake had been able to see his children, but you also knew it wasn't entirely his fault. The Navy was unpredictable as it was reliable.

“Hiya Lulu!” Jake smiled as wild as he could as he dropped to his knee to embrace the six year old human he’d helped create. “Oh I missed you sweetheart.” That much was true, Jake Seresin missed his kids every day that passed him by. You watched on with six year old Lennox by your side and two year old Samuel on your hip as Jake picked his daughter up and carried her back over to where you stood patiently waiting. “Lenny, how you going man?” Jake beamed as he tousled his eldest son's hair. “Far out kid, you shoot up any more and you’ll be taller than your mother.” You smiled at the dig unintentionally, before you knew you were smiling Jake had seen the corners of your lips turn upright into an unmissable smile.

“Mums says I’m growing like an inch a day because I eat all my green beans at dinner.” Jake took a moment to place Lucy back on solid ground before he came up back up to meet your gaze. It had been a few weeks since you had called Jake about your Christmas plans. He still wasn’t sure how to feel about them, deep down he wanted to tell you not to go. Deep down he was screaming at the top of his lungs for you to give him another chance, to come with him and the kids to his mothers for Christmas. But Jake knew better than to make a scene in front of the kids. But that didn't mean he couldn't be petty when he wanted to be just to get a rise out of you.

“Is that so?” Jake beamed that signature Seresin grin you’d fallen for back in college when he was captain of the football team and you were just that meek library dweller. He made you feel so much more than just the shy history buff you’d been back then, Jake Seresin had taught you a lot of things about yourself in the time you’d been his best friend and wife, now ex. Nowadays however you often caught yourself wondering if he’d miss you if you didn’t make it through the battle you were facing. The battle you hadn’t told anyone about except your mum. The battle that took all your strength to keep a secret close to your chest. The battle that was draining you or all your strength and energy. The battle that late at night you wish you could just end early.

Stage three A, triple positive grade three invasive doctoral carcinoma. Triple positive meaning that your specific cancer fed off oestrogen, progesterone and HER2 hormones. Lucky you right? Your first lumpectomy went rather well, but you were facing twelve weeks of chemotherapy treatment. Three oral tablets daily and two full days of IV sessions a week.

However, you were taking measures into your own hands as of tomorrow and were scheduled to be back in hospital for double mastectomy. You didn't want to wait and see if the cancer would spread and wanted every single bit out. But Jake was none the wiser about your medical status and assumed that you were off to Canada with friends for a white Christmas in Banff Alberta.

“Well—“ Jake carefully took little two year old Sammy from your grasp and placed his tied sleeping self on his own jean clad hip. “Mums are always right.” Jake quickly followed up as he looked down at Lenny. “There’s gonna be a ton of green beans at Grandma's house so you might overtake her quicker than anticipated buddy.” Jake gave the youngest of the three Seresin siblings a kiss on the cheek before he fully turned his attention to you. “Hey Hon—“ The way Jake stopped himself from finishing his sentence made your heart sink into the pit in your stomach. “Y/n, hey Y/n.” He corrected himself quickly as he picked up his duffel bag from the ground next to where he stood before you. “You look well.”

Oh if only Jake truly knew what you had to do in order to look well. The countless hours you spent throwing your guts up in the middle of the night. The sleepless nights that turned into days. The loss of appetite that had you dropping weight faster than you could blink. Your diagnosis had been quick but your symptoms had been even quicker to take over your daily life. You kicked yourself every day for not getting yourself to a doctor sooner.

“Yeah, I’ve been doing alright—“ Things used to be so easy with Jake, now he was standing here before you in the middle of the airport bustling with people going to and from for the holiday season and you swore he looked like someone you didn’t even know. “The kiddos keep me busy, don’t you?” You asked Lucy as she reached out for your hand and looked at you like you were telling lies.

“Mums been sick.” She told her father confidently, like you weren’t about to die then and there on the spot from embarrassment. Little Lucy had a bad habit of throwing you and Jake under the bus with one another. “She said it’s just a cold, but she’s been sick for like four whole weeks.” Lucy didn’t know any better than what you had always told her, that you had the flu. A long flu at that. As soon as you’d get the kids off to school you’d head right back to bed and sleep. The medication your doctors had you on was pretty brutal, and chemotherapy didn’t help although you’d only just started that kind of oral treatment. It packed a punch you couldn't handle.

“Oh?” Jake frowned as the five of you all made your way through the airport and out towards the car park. “Mum didn’t tell me she was sick, if I had known I would have come sooner.” Jake looked at you like he was trying to read the lines on your face. He could tell you were tied, more than normal—but despite that knowledge he’d never say it out loud. His grandmother would roll over in her damn grave if Jake ever dared to point out a woman’s under eye bags or her tired expression. So he went with ‘well’.

“That’s why I didn’t tell you.” You didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh, but you knew by the hurt look on Jake’s face that it had struck an exposed nerve. He never wanted to separate. “What I meant was, I’m fine, Lulu here sees a runny nose and thinks it’s the end of days, I would have called you if I needed help.”

“Fair, I mean—you can’t be that sick right? With your big trip to Banff planned and all.” Jake shrugged it off like his heart wasn’t breaking inside his chest. This was about to be his first Christmas separated from the women he loved more than life itself. Being in North Island made it easier to run from his problems, but the minute he got on that flight he was back inside his own head, rewinding and rethinking everything he ever did wrong to drive you away.

“Right—“ You agreed softly beside the man you loved so deeply that it burned. “Yeah, I’m just so thankful you were so happy to take the kids with you to your mothers house this year.” To be perfectly honest you were expecting Jake to push back, ask more questions, be a little standoffish on the idea of you not being there for the kids on Christmas. But he never did, and you didn’t know what hurt more.

“They’re my kids as much as they’re yours—kinda think it’s the least I can do considering you’ve had them all year round.” It was the tone you didn’t appreciate, the almost passive aggressive attitude that made you frown as you walked with Jake and your kids back to your car.

“You can see the kids anytime you like.” You tried to keep your head level, but the way Jake had said it made you question his motives. “I’d never stop you, if you wanna have them more often I’m sure we can—“

“Wasn’t that a big part of the reason you wanted to separate?” Jake interrupted before you had a chance to finish what you were saying. You were about to say perhaps you could come up with a custody agreement. Something on paper that seemed fair to the both of you that took your work schedules into consideration as well as your living conditions, the kids schooling, holidays and extended family. You were happy to discuss it more, but this year that had passed the both of you by had gone in the blink of an eye. “You were stuck with the kids too much? Seems a little counter intuitive considering you’ve become their primary caregiver.”

“Jake—“ You sighed with a longing he’d missed. “Not in front of the kids, alright?” You were trying your best, truly. But here he was in all his glory, the love of your life and father of your children, telling you that you made a mistake just in a different kind of font. “We can talk about it all when we get home.”

“I’m not doing anything in front of the kids—“ Jake shrugged as he watched you unlock the car. “I’m just trying to understand why you can’t just admit why you really left.” Jake knew why you left, because of him. He knew he hadn’t done enough in your marriage to show you how much he loved you. He just wanted to hear you say it. That you didn’t love him anymore. He wanted you to tell him point blank that you had fallen out of love with him.

But you could never say that, because you never stopped loving him.

“You know why—“ You had to bite the inside of your cheek and grit your teeth to stop yourself from yelling, Jake Seresin after all these years still managed to get under your skin with ease. “Again, not in front of the kids, let’s just get home.”

“You seem frustrated.” Jake teased with that award winning grin, he knew exactly what he was doing. You always took the bait.

“Yeah, you’ve been here for five minutes and I’m already over it.” If you had rolled your eyes any harder than you did you would have fallen over.

“Little harsh—“ Jake chuckled as he placed Sammy into his booster seat, the little buckles that used to give him a hard time when the twins were younger were seamlessly clipped up in seconds. Jake made sure his youngest was safe and secure before he stood and turned his full undivided attention back to you. “I’ve missed you.” He said genuinely with a love so strong inside his heart you could nearly feel the warmth as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and drew you in for a hug. “It’s good to see you, even if it’s just for one night before you go jet setting.”

With little hesitation you melted into the man you had married all those years ago with ease. Jake was your home, your guiding light. This past year had been rough without him and you knew deep down it had been rough for him too.

But sometimes love just wasn’t enough to save a marriage.

“Yeah—yeah it’s good to see you.” Jake felt your arms wrap around his torso as you let your cheek rest on his shoulder. “I’ve missed you too.” Jake’s scent had alway brought comfort to you, the overwhelming warmth of cedarwood and notes of vanilla bourbon always calmed you, grounded you in reality. “I’m uh—“ You wanted to tell him the truth about what was going on, but you just couldn’t do that to him. You couldn’t ask that much of him. Not after everything you’d both been through over the last year. “I’m just happy you’re here for the kids.”

“Mum! Lennox won’t let me have the window seat!”

“I’m older than you!” Lennox argued back as Jake groaned into your neck. Oh how he’d missed you, missed the kids, missed his family. North Island was great but without the four of you? Something was always missing. A piece of Jake was always missing.

“I’m not just here for the kids.” Jake pulled away at the sound of Lenny and Lucy arguing in the back seat over who was taking the middle seat. “But they’re a bonus, Honey.” He winked as he switched into dad mode and dropped his voice an octave or two. “Stop arguing, I’ll flip a coin.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

“Oh woah—“ Jake's eyes lit up as he walked through the front door of the home you’d recently finished moving into. He’d only ever seen it over FaceTime. “It’s bigger than it looked.” The little giggle you let out as you passed him by didn’t go unnoticed. Dirty bird, Jake thought to himself as his eyes lingered down to your ass as you walked ahead of him.

“It’s enough for me and the kids with a spare room.” You replied as Jake continued to look around. Reminisce of cardboard boxes used in your move still remained scattered around the place. “The kids still wanted to put up the Christmas tree even though they aren’t gonna be here.”

“Mama said Santa will know that we’re spending it with Grandma and Grandpa and will take all our presents there.” Lucy caught Jake's attention as she barreled into the living room where the Christmas tree stood tall and proud, decorated with mismatched decorations that you and Jake had collected over the years either from stores or the kids' school crafts. “She also said I could give this to you when you came to stay the night.” Lucy explained as she dropped to her knees and reached under the tree to where a perfectly wrapped gift labelled with Jake's name on it sat. “It’s from mum.”

“Lucy May—“ You nearly hissed as you padded into the living room. “Don’t tell lie’s please.” You pointed, the deal had been you’d get Jake one present and one present only knowing he probably wouldn’t have gotten you anything, and that you’d tell him it was from the kids until he opened it. “You tell your dad who it’s from.” Jake knew by the smirk that crept across his daughter’s face he recognised as his own, that it was from you. Lucy didn’t have to say another word. But she did regardless.

“It’s from me and Lenny.” She replied as Jake sat on the couch he used to sleep on during those nights the two of you couldn’t sleep in the same bed. Those nights where the two of you needed space and those nights where he thought he was doing the right thing by you and giving it to you. He sat on the couch that felt unfamiliar now and took the present his daughter gave him with grace. “Lenny! Dad’s opening our present!”

“What present?” Lennox frowned as he walked into the living room trying to carry two year old Sam. “Oh! Mums present.”

“Lennox!” You groaned aloud in utter defeat.

All Jake could do was laugh to himself as he looked over at you. You were as beautiful as ever, his one and only love. How the fuck did things get so messy where you had to use your children as scapegoats.

“It’s fine, it’s fine—I know it’s from the kids Honey.” Jake winked as you rolled your eyes and headed on into the kitchen where you were getting organised to cook dinner. You were starting to feel awfully tired–the oral chemotherapy was starting to make you feel sicker than you had been before you knew what was going on. A double edged sword really, you keep taking the pills? You get so sick you die. You stop taking the chemotherapy tablets? You get so sick you die. Either way you were dying or you convinced yourself you were.

But Jake could never know that, your kids could never know that, so you went about your routine as normally as you could without making a fuss.

“I might save this for when we get to Grandmas, I wouldn't wanna not have anything to open on Christmas morning Lulu.” Jake smiled as he brought her in for a hug between his legs. “I love you all so much.”

“We love you too dad.” Lucy replied as she hugged Jake back. “Mum loves you too.”

“Oh does she now?” Jake knew that putting all his faith in a six year old probably wasn't the best thing he could do, but right now as he held her in his arms, the little girl the two of you had created–he did. He trusted her to tell the truth you wouldn't, because you wouldn't lie and tell him you didn't love him either. “Guess I'll just have to take your word for it then, won't I?”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Jake Seresin had always been a good dad, you had never questioned him on his ability to go above and beyond for his children. That was something you never had to worry about. As you plated up dinner, the laughter of your three children coming from the living room made you smile to yourself. They were loved so fiercely.

“Alright, let's get ready for dinner, yeah? Mums been cooking up a storm in here.” Jake rounded the corner with Sam hand in hand. “Smells so damn good in here.” You again smiled to yourself as Jake can to stand beside you at the kitchen counter, watching as you scooped some pasta bake onto five plates.

“When's the last time you had a home cooked meal?” It was a simple question but Jake really had to think about it for a moment as he reached over to steal a cucumber slice from the chopped salad.

“Does food from the bar count?” He asked with a half cocked smile, knowing full well that Penny's burgers and fries wouldn’t be considered home cooked in your opinion.

“No–” You grinned as Jake leaned in from behind you, trapping you between him and the counter with both arms encompassing you. “No, when's the last time it was a home cooked meal?” Jake didn't reply right away, he simply inhaled your scent slowly from behind you and took in the comforting scent of elderberry and juniper. He missed that all encompassing feeling, that safe and warming feeling of your presence.

“Uh—probably the last time you cooked for me.” Jake noticed the moment you paused at his words, the revelation that you were having. “And it was probably pasta bake, with salad and pork chops, like what we’re having right now.”

“It’s always your favourite—“ It was clear from the very beginning that both you and Jake were getting caught in the moment. But as his hands slowly make their way from the counter top to hips, you know you were too far gone to press the pause button. “Jacob—“

“I'm a simple man.” Jake cooed as he brought one of his hands up to move your hair from one side of your neck. “Lucy tells me you love me.”

“She’s got a pretty wild imagination that daughter of ours.” You teased as Jake pressed his lips against your neck in a sweet gesture of gratitude for the woman who gave him three beautiful children. “You need to stop—“ You sighed into Jake's warm embrace as he pulled away and let his chin fall to your shoulder. “I don’t know where or what you've been in recently.”

“I think she said her name was Vanessa.” Jake taunted as he held you tightly from behind. He felt you tense in his embrace at the very idea he’d been with someone other than you. But you couldn’t hold it against him, not now, the pair of you were separated. You held no claim on the man you had left in favour of putting yourself first.

But that didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt.

“Vanessa a name I should remember?” You asked with a little attitude in your tone Jake caught immediately. He couldn’t help but to smirk at the idea you were a little jealous of his very infrequent conquests. He loved you to the end of the world but this was such a frustrating situation to be in. What was a guy supposed to do? Be celebate in hopes his wife came running back?

“Nope—“ Jake reassured you with another kiss to the neck. “I’m not ready to let you go, I thought maybe I could if I just leaned into the whole thing, whatever it is that we’re doing, but I’m just not ready to let you go.”

“Have you?” Jake had to clear his throat when he asked. “Been with anyone, that is?”

“Do you think between work, raising three kids with your DNA and missing you that I’d have time to get laid?” You knew what Jake would latch onto, the part where you said you missed him. You saw the light in his eye as you turned in his embrace to face him with a mischievous smile plastered across your face.

“You miss me?” Yes. Yes you did. With all your might you missed him everyday and every night. But it didn’t change what the two of you became.

“Don’t try your luck—“ You argued, shrugging Jake's query off like the answer was obvious. To him it was, you did miss him. Other sailors tend to recognise other sailors on the sea and Jake missed you tenfold.

“Oh I’m feeling like the luckiest guy in the whole world right now.” You could feel Jake pressing himself against you, silently but not so subtly telling you exactly what this whole encounter was doing to him.

“Really? Is that so?” You asked like you weren’t aware of the rock hard erection pressing against your pelvis. Jake just pressed his lips together in an attempt to hold off the crimson red from creeping up his neck and cheeks. But he wasn’t backing down from a challenge, especially when you were leaving all the right doors unlocked for him to walk right through.

“So lucky that I couldn’t help but to notice the spare bed hasn’t even been made up?”

“Oh so you assumed I’d be your personal chef and the maid tonight?” You countered as you looked around for your three small children, not wanting to expose them to such x-rated content before you slowly but surely sunk your hand into the sweatpants Jake had recently changed into. Damn those grey sweats and damn Jake for going commando. “You are perfectly capable of making your own bed.”

The way your palm wrapped around his length sent sparks through Jake's body like nothing he’d ever felt before. Your touch was so beautiful and elegant, like you knew exactly what he needed and where he wanted it.

“Or I could just sleep in yours, with you.” Jake nearly begged as your fist slid up and down his hardened length, feeling him twitch under your control. “Honey—“ He nearly moaned as he fell forward into you, letting his forehead rest against yours. “You’re killing me here.”

“What don’t you get about the fact we’re separated?” You asked almost teasingly like you weren’t pumping him slowly as dinner cooled on the counter behind you while your kids played in the living room.

“For as long as you have my last name, you’re my wife, end of story.” Butterflies, that’s how you’d describe the feeling inside you when Jake, your somewhat ex husband, told you you were still his. You never wanted to not be his, but you were sure that Vanessa maybe wondered if she’d ever be his too.

“Oh you are so full of yourself.” You slowly but surely pulled your hand out from Jake’s sweats and watched him nearly deflate at the loss of sensation, but he never missed a beat, Jake was quick like that, he always had been.

“You could be full of me too if you just let your guard down a little.”

“Jake!!” You slapped his chest firmly as your kids all rushed in at the smell of food.

“I’ll take my stuff upstairs shall I?” He grinned ear to ear, knowing by the way your jaw remained on the ground he had you hook, line and sinker.

“Yeah, you can, to the spare room you idiot.” You watched as Jake fixed himself up and headed in the direction of the stairs. You were still so in love with this man.

“Lenny! Where’s your mothers room?” Jake turned to your eldest son who always knew that the two of you were going to make it through whatever this rough patch was. He had friends who had divorced parents, and even at the young age of six, Lennox knew his parents didn’t hate each other.

“Upstairs to the left, it’s the messy one.” You gave your son the stink eye as he beamed up at you.

“Perfect.” Jake chuckled and sent you a wink. “I’ll be right back.” He was getting laid tonight and you both knew it.

“I’m—“ You hardly had the energy to keep your whole hard to get act up, so with a sigh, you let your guard down for the man who held your heart in the palm of his hands. “You’re unbelievably.”

“I’ve been told by the youth on base it’s called Rizz now.” Jake yelled back as he jogged up the wooden stairs, you could just barely hear him as his voice faded the higher he climbed. But nevertheless, you still heard him.

“Well I can’t wait to get both you and your ‘rizz’ out of my house!” You shouted back, Lenny just laughed as he watched his Dad pull a funny face at your words from the top of the stairs.

“You don’t mean that.” He smiled up at you. “You and dad love each other.” It made your heart skip a beat, but you had to remember that you were playing a dangerous game here. Letting Jake in now would only break his heart more. You had to do what was best for you, and that was to remain separate. At least while you were fighting for your life.

“Maybe, but he’s still a pain in my ass Lenny.”

***~****~****~***~***~***

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#was it over? // jake seresin #tw: breast cancer #tw: cancer #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x you #jake seresin x y/n #jake hangman imagine #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman fic

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genderqueerdykes · 1 year

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how can someone be a lesbian and a man at the same time? and a traswonan and transman too

hello! thanks for your question!

while people broadly interpret the term lesbian to mean 'woman who loves women', there is a far broader nuance to the identity and label that goes beyond a simple description.

lesbians have a nuanced and complicated experience with gender. butches and femmes both have unique experiences with gender and presentation. nobody likes to talk about us, but some butches *do* identify as men. there are a lot of trans men who start out in lesbian spaces because they are safer, and don't want to leave the community and live as lesbian men. drag kings also are often lesbians. genderfluid lesbians, polygender lesbians, multigender lesbians, genderqueer lesbians, all types of trans lesbians are lesbians regardless of whether or not they are men all the time, or part of the time

lesbians also have a complicated relationship with nonbinary identities and a lot of us find that we fit somewhere under that umbrella. many lesbians find that pushing the boundaries of gender and expression are necessary for survival. i would recommend reading stone butch blues by leslie feinberg to gain a better understanding of lesbians who live this way, or, you are free to visit my lesbian and dyke tags!

as for your second question, i am an intersex person, meaning i was not born with a body that fits into the strict "male" or "female" binary. after i hit puberty i was routinely told i wasn't a "real girl" by someone then told i wasn't a "real boy" by someone else. i was completely stripped of the ability to be gendered correctly by anyone because my body has such a strong mixture of both "masculine" and 'feminine' traits like growing a full beard, having broad shoulders, buff chest, flat breasts, big arms, etc. and an hourglass waist and long shapely legs, high pitched voice, etc.

i am trans "both" or sometimes trans 'everything' as i call myself. my ability to identify as a boy or a girl was completely taken away from me and i am resisting that actively every day. i am a boy and a girl! i'm some type of nonbinary creature, sure, but i am in fact a woman and a man at the same time, but i've had to fight and claw tooth and nail to be seen correctly due to things that weren't under my control.

HRT was kinda my big power move. after i get top surgery and find a good quality packer, i think people will finally understand me and how i identify, but basically, the answer is intersex people, and some other folks can live experiences that make it so they can be both transmasculine and transfeminine at the same time for a multitude of reasons. my experience is just one of many, but it is possible, and we exist!

hope that answers your question! if you need more help, feel free to ask again! take care, stay safe!

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thcfountain · 3 months

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Dating Noah includes:

mdni. smut & fluff. ftm x Noah.

Noah always making sure that no one misgenders you or uses your deadname. (He's buff now so if they try, he can take 'em.)

Working out together and having body goals that you're both aiming towards, which means you encourage and support each other even when it feels hard to work out some days.

"You are looking so buff," you coo at him, admiring his shirtless body after a workout. The two of you have retired to the shower together to wash off the sweat and stink.

He grins and tugs you towards him by the waist of your sweats that you had yet to ditch. "You look handsome too," he tells you before a kiss.

Noah helps you record your voice at intervals after you start t. He's just as excited for the change as you are.

Going to Pride together as a couple.

"Will you do my eyeshadow?" he asks, handing you over the colors of his sexuality flag.

"You're gonna be gorgeous when I'm done," you promise. "or hideous," you add teasingly, "who knows."

The whole band is very anti transphobes and they WILL tell people off in your defence.

"Support trans people or die by the," slight pause as Folio stumbles to repeat the meme, "fishing pole..." he waves the pole menacingly and you laugh.

"It's not by the pole, it's by THE BLADE!" Yells Noah, unsheathing one of his swords.

Noah is a MUNCH. We all know it, okay. And this fact doesn't change for you. Yeah he still loves eating you out but he's also big on sucking t-dick.

Being on testosterone, also, makes you wildly horny. A fact that Noah revels in. The second he catches on that you're needy, he's there.

Your back leans against the wall for support, pants and boxers around your ankles as Noah takes your growth into his mouth, earning whimpers and soft, panting moans from you.

A finger works its way into your core as he pulls back, strings of spit bridging between his lips and your dick. "Fuck," he moans, fingers arching up into you, "I love sucking your cock, baby."

He's got you bent over the kitchen table, a fact that everyone else would surely complain about, but you couldn't care less in this moment. Your cheek presses against cold wood and every thrust into you has you crying out his name, desperate for him to let you cum.

You know it's taking everything in him not be loud, to continue whispering commands on how he wants you to touch yourself, how which sucker or dildo to use. You know that he hates not being able to see all of you, but he's on tour and facetime will have to do.

He's uncomfortably hard in his stage outfit, internally torn between seeing if he can jack off quickly before the opener finishes and he has to on stage, and he knows you timed this purposely. "Brat," he teases when you finally cum. "When I get home, this earned you a few spankings."

he wears pins with the trans pride flag, excitedly points out trans characters in media to you, he's an ally, and he's adorable about it.

You steal his hoodies and sweaters constantly. They give you gender euphoria and they smell like him. He jokingly complains about it but you've caught him spraying his cologne on your favorite hoodies before he leaves for tour.

some times the band has boys night, no girlfriends allowed, and they amend it to no partners because you kept tagging along and being disgustingly cute with Noah. They love you though.

baking cookies for Noah when he comes home from tour and helping him do his stinky laundry.

Coming home and finding Matt holding your packer in confusion.

"What is this?" he asks, holding it up as Noah snickers with laughter at Matt's lack of knowledge.

"Unhand my dick, Dierkes!" You laugh and as it dawns on him, he flings it at Noah.

"I don't wanna touch another dude's dick, no matter what it's made of!" He yells, running to wash his hands of your cooties.

Getting top surgery and being able to walk around shirtless with the guys.

"Your cup size is bigger than your boyfriend's," Jolly jokes to Noah and you grin, striking a pose to show off your chest.

"I'm part of the tiny tittie committee, thank you," Noah replies sarcastically.

He uses you as a pillow or human weighted blanket all the time because you're warm and he demands snuggles.

Gay jokes. All the time. You guys are constantly joking with each other.

"Your tie is straighter than I am," he tells you one day with a chuckle.

You turn to look in the mirror and adjust it. "Now it's gayer than you."

Having two secret snack stashes. The one Noah has found and thinks you don't know he's found, and the real one.

sometimes you two wear matching clothes.

Going fishing with Folio, attempting to rollerblade with Ruffilo, Jolly teaching you how to properly shave. You're officially everyone's adopted brother.

Other fans under the trans umbrella start referring to you both as their dads. Noah's a little overwhelmed by suddenly being dad to hundreds. It's okay though, he's also flattered.

"Post something on Twitter for me," he says, a little out of the blue but not so surprising since he refuses to return to social media yet.

You pull your phone out, ready to shoot off a tweet from your profile for him.

He seems to think about it for a moment, wording himself just so. "The only thing anyone expects of you today, is to survive."

"You're such a good father figure," you tease, sending the post. "I just won't tell them about you setting our bathroom on fire with Yankee candles."

BATHS! Noah loves baths and he abs absolutely adores having you sit in his lap and relax with him. He plays lofi music, makes a charcuterie board, he goes all out.

He doesn't go back to VA much anymore - the South has long since quit being his home. But every once in a while trips are made. Everyone packs up to go hang out with Ruffilo down there or everyone shuffles over to Maryland so Folio can host.

An argument is ensuing between Ruffilo, Jolly, and Noah - it takes place in Ruffilo's backyard on a particularly warm, summer day. It's not often that they're off tour and even less often that everyone's gotten together down here, but here you all are.

You and Folio are splashing each other in a kiddy pool, you've caught Noah checking your swim trunks out a few times earlier but for the moment, he's preoccupied.

"I should be the one to grill. I'm TRANS DAD," announced Noah, puffing his chest out in an exaggerated way. You're pretty sure he could take the other two in a fight if he wanted.

"Yeah but it's my grill," says Nicholas, who's usually the least likely to get into an argument. "Plus, you aren't band dad."

Jolly snaps a pair of tongs their way. "I should be grill dad," he tells them.

As the argument continues on, you watch as Matt goes unnoticed, setting the grill up and you and Folio are quick to help.

The burgers are practically done by the time Noah, Jolly, and Ruffilo actually take notice.

Gaming together for fun. Usually its not too competitive, but every once in a while there's a promise that loser gives the winner a bj.

#noah sebastian smut #noah sebastian imagine #ftm x noah sebastian

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sftly-blooming · 5 days

Text

Trigun (Polygun) Headcanons

warning: not exactly mature or suggestive content, but lots of discussion of bodies, genitals, etc. in terms of transness.

these aren’t like firm headcanons, just some cool ideas that i would love to use in a fic if i wrote one. this is with the idea of these four all dating each other in a closed t4t4t4t polycule.

Vash

- he/him preferred, they/them okay. technically agender but enjoys being seen as a man, so he identifies as a man.

- plant version of intersex, has both types of genitals (but they have like. petals/different color).

- had very slight boobs but never had to worry about top surgery because he got severe chest injuries and lost both tissue and nipples in the process (he would have rather kept the boobs, honestly, healing is too much work).

- he and knives were both originally raised as girls until they talked to each other about it and told rem they would rather be boys. knives will still refer to vash as his sister to purposefully misgender and aggravate him, as a result vash can’t stand being called sister or sis. in retaliation vash refuses to call knives by his real name.

- attraction confuses him because it doesn’t work the same for him as for humans, but overall doesn’t discriminate based on gender, sex, or anything else for that matter.

- doesn’t have body hair at all, very smooth and wolfwood teases him for it.

- autism + ADHD, PTSD, dissociative amnesia, amputee and usually wears a prosthetic, chronic pain from the scarring but it’s usually fairly mild.

- very pale but pretty much just absorbs sunlight. he doesn’t actually know if he can get energy from the sun but he always gets too hungry before he can find out.

- he’s about 150 but appears around 25.

Wolfwood/Nick/Nico

- he/him only. trans man. usually stealth.

- during the medical experimentation he went through rapid puberty and begged the doctor to “change him into a man.” the cross scar is from top surgery + the other experiments, and he has a second version of the vials that are gel, which serve as pain relief (chronic pain) but are also his testosterone therapy.

- muscular with some fat over so he’s squishy, huge chest muscles that he’s rlly proud of. has excellent sensation in his nipples, the surgery he got was well executed and he heals rapidly, so the grafts stuck easily. hairy chest, overall very hairy.

- no need for bottom surgery because his hormone therapy combined with the experiments mean that he had great success with bottom growth. bathrooms are annoying but most of the time there’s only one anyway in the tiny places he stops at, so it’s not a huge deal, and not worth the surgery to him. he does often wear a packer which usually doubles as an STP.

- actually loves drag and dresses, but thinks he can’t pull them off due to his hair (which he also loves). he’s wrong.

- he definitely doesn’t mind a pretty woman or anyone else, but finds himself attracted to men more often than other genders.

- autism + ADHD, cPTSD, full body chronic pain (mostly from rapid growth in his youth and his rapid healing).

- southern drawl + latino but never got to learn spanish due to being an orphan. wants to learn it but hasn’t found a good teacher yet. tans mostly but has been known to burn on occasion.

- he’s actually 21 but looks to be about 40.

Milly

- she/her only. trans woman and proud of it.

- on estrogen for some time. she’s very buff and loves to arm wrestle with wolfwood. she also shows off by carrying around his punisher. she didn’t really start gaining muscle until she was already on estrogen for a good while, because that’s when she felt comfortable enough to work out regularly.

- BOOBS. she never had top surgery, just a combination of estrogen and being buff. she has on occasion forgotten she can’t take her shirt off in public, and then gotten embarrassed when meryl pointed it out.

- her family is accepting of her, partially because they’re good people and partially because milly has a large stun gun and doesn’t take kindly to being misgendered. she won’t hesitate to shoot it at strangers who bother her either.

- sometimes she’s very loud about personal info due to her not understanding volume control or social cues. this has caused more than a few incidents of the boys + meryl having to deescalate a “why did that woman just say she has a dick” situation. she doesn’t understand why people have a problem with it though.

- she does regularly tuck, but finds it uncomfortable for long distances. in these situations she opts for leggings or compression shorts under her dresses instead.

- takes estrogen in pill form, she has to pack extra before trips and refill at local pharmacies. sometimes she has to get the pills from the black market and deal with outlaws due to lack of supply. she can take care of herself, but wolfwood makes for good scary dog privilege.

- primarily attracted to women, basically the opposite of wolfwood, but pansexual. loves the label sapphic as well, and is often grumpy about being the only woman in the quad. meryl doesn’t mind being her girlfriend for a bit though, usually.

- autistic, ARFID.

- southern accent but less thick than wolfwood. covered in freckles, tans well, has to shave her face because she was hairy before starting estrogen. now her body hair is soft and she likes to stim with it, she doesn’t shave her body hair.

- she’s 28 and the oldest human of the group.

Meryl

- she/he/they + anything used with respect. doesn’t care too much about gender. not really agender, just gender apathetic. most likely would say genderfluid if asked for a specific label due to changing presentation.

- usually gets read as a woman. he has been on a low dose of testosterone and off for years, but can’t stay on consistently due to injection supplies not being easily available. she doesn’t like being off of it because it makes her feel weird and she has bad dysphoria around her voice. it also makes their mood much worse.

- she has major issues with her height and being perceived as a weak, short woman. they carry a megaphone with them and have a deeper voice from the testosterone than they used to. he’s discovered guns and yelling get people’s attention, height aside. he’s become really good at shooting derringers, under the guidance of the other three.

- hasn’t been able to get top surgery yet but does want it, when they can afford the time off work. luckily, she has small boobs so she mostly just wears baggy clothes. sometimes they will wear a binder when they’re dysphoric, but they can’t wear it for long or in the outside heat.

- doesn’t want bottom surgery.

- he used to identify as a lesbian woman due to not liking cis men + past trauma. then they realized they just doesn’t like cis people in general, and is firmly t4t.

- ADHD, OCD, MCAS, was diagnosed with POTS but it has improved quite a bit over time especially with testosterone. she still has episodes every now and then and often has to have one of the others carry her due to lack of desert friendly mobility aids. he has a weak right ankle due to a childhood injury, but no pain. they do have a cane and a foot for it that works on sand for bad days, but that doesn’t always cut it.

- wolfwood is quitting smoking for their sake.

- japanese, pale, and burns very easily.

- 23, second youngest, but usually gets read as the youngest.

#sftly fandom #trigun #trigun 98 #vash #vash the stampede #polygun #meryl stryfe #milly thompson #nicholas d. wolfwood #wolfwood #trigun vash #trigun wolfwood #trigun meryl #trigun milly #trigun headcanons #i have a lot of thoughts about these four

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pennys-thick-thighs · 1 year

Note

Hello would you write for a ftm reader or a buff female reader x rosalie cullen

most definitely :)

—

SCARS | ROSALIE CULLEN/HALE

warnings: mentions of transphobia and neglectful parents, mentions of top surgery scars

—

rosalie sat in her bed, the shower running from the bathroom attached to her bedroom. with light fingers, the vampire turned the page of her book neatly, eyes running across the words of the pages quickly. soon enough, she was turning another page, and then another. everything seemed to go quicker now she was no longer human. everything except for time.

she used to feel complete sorrow and depression when she was first turned and as she lived for decades in the same, dead, cold body. however, after what felt like a millennium, you came into her life and she felt something she hadn’t in so long.

rosalie felt alive.

you and rosalie first met when you moved to forks with your family. soon enough, you knew all about the vampires and werewolves that lived in forks, which came as a brutal shock but explained many things, such as jasper’s constant rigid stance. after a while of shocked noises, which were supposed to be words but they came out more like a confused animal, you got over the shock and accepted rosalie and her family.

needless to say, you were soon part of their odd family. your family never cared for you all that much, so becoming a vampire and spending the rest of eternity with the woman you were so hopelessly in love with definitely didn’t seem like a bad choice.

before making the real commitment of turning, you had to tell rosalie about the fact you were transgender. at first, you were concerned since she was from a different time period that wasn’t necessarily accepting of gay and transgender people. after explaining your feelings about yourself and your body fully, she was supportive, happy that you were finally who you wanted to be.

that brought you to now, getting out of yours and your wife’s shower, a towel around your waist as you walked into your bedroom. your topaz eyes flickered towards rosalie who seemed gripped by the last few pages of her book. smiling to yourself, you moved to grab clothes from your drawers, your wedding ring glinting in the dulling light of the sunset.

rosalie finished the book, sighing, “disappointing ending.”

“what happened?” you asked, pulling boxers and trousers on.

“she forgave him! i mean, it’s pathetic, she should have, i don’t know, blown his house up or something.” rosalie huffed.

“is that a bit dramatic?” you questioned, sitting down beside her.

“no.” rosalie said firmly, laying her head on your chest, your fingers threading through her blonde locks, twirling them softly.

her cool fingers traced the lines of your scars from top surgery and you smiled, kissing her head, knowing she loved you for who you were. the blonde looked up at you and gave you one of her smiles she reserved for just you: her husband. with her fingertips still brushing your firm chest, she leant up and connected your lips in a loving kiss, happier than she ever though possible when she was first bitten all those years ago.

—

i hope this was okay, i wasn’t sure what plot you wanted

#twilight #rosalie hale x reader #rosalie cullen x reader #rosalie hale #rosalie cullen #ftm!reader #transgender!reader #trans!reader #lgbtq+#twilight x reader #jasper hale #jasper cullen #transgender

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gothducky · 1 year

Note

why does butch = top surgery? genuine question

Short answer: It doesn't! Hope this helps <3

Long answer: I'm gonna ignore the fact that this is probably an inflammatory bait question of someone who did not even bother to check my blog and see the diversity in butch bodies that I draw. So far only 2 of the butches I've drawn have top surgery, while the rest don't <3

So! First of all I have never said anything of the sort n_n it's a term of how one identifies, you know? What a butch woman does with their body is no one's business, some butch women take T, some even get top surgery. Butches explore masculinity in their own way and that's just how THEY embody butchness.

I'm a butch woman and I don't take T nor plan on getting top surgery, yet that is how EEEEEYE embody my butch identity and it doesn't invalidate neither mine or another woman's butchness. The way I identify as a butch doesn't mean I won't draw other ways of butchhood, I aim to draw every type of butch woman I can think of! I love butch women! I want them to be loved in every way they choose to present! I want other butches to feel handsome with my art and for femmes to see a dashing handsome woman <333

I want to draw fat butches, thin butches, buff butches, trans butches, butches who go on T, butches who choose not to, non-binary butches, etc!

And before you or anyone else asks because I know they will, no, this has nothing to do with trans men. Butch women can choose to take T and get top surgery and it won't make them men, on the same slot as trans men can choose NOT to get it and it doesn't change the fact they're men. It is an individual way of presenting that at the end of the day doesn't concern you! I hope this helped you a ton!!

I LOOOVE talking about lesbianism and the diversity of butch women! Ask again soon and have a good day!! <333

#ask ducky #if you need any more information on butchhood I def recommend reading some books on it <3 #books on lesbianism and the way that butch women present as well as the way that femme lesbians subvert patriarchal femininity #etc etc etc go crazy!! i'm sure you'll learn a ton #i'm not much of a reader but i assure you that when you find a topic you can sink your teeth into oohhhhhh #it makes my brain tickle #ESPECIALLY when you can find old feminist books that take into account the fact that trans women exist #it's so exciting and fulfilling to read the way that lesbianism intersects and the way cis and trans women can feel about womanhood #and the way that they choose to present in their own identity #I love my sisters!! I love being a lesbian!! I love women!!#lesbian #butch

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swiftfootedachilles · 1 month

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I would love to see more of your trans!mick headcanons

trans mickey is my king i loooove talking about him

OBSESSED with the headcanon of terry being the first homophobic trans ally. i know it doesnt make sense but thats WHY i love it....plus, based off what we know about mandys experience living with terry, i really dont like to think about mickey also being treated that way 😕 so trans ally terry it is! doesnt help him transition or anything, just rolls his eyes and tells him that if hes gonna be a man then he better act like one

i do think canon trans!mickey would want to top for gender euphoria reasons, but i stand by my opinion that ian simply tolerates bottoming and doesnt physically enjoy it. like, he would definitely be willing to bottom for mickey but only because he loves mickey and wants him to experience the gender euphoria he would get from topping

^that being said, plenty of pre-bottom-surgery trans guys dont top because it actually makes them more dysphoria. reminds them they dont have the parts for it, have to use a strap, etc. maybe if he got meta or phallo he would start becoming interested in it. but a trans guy doesnt have to top to be a guy! sexual preferences do not equal gender! fuck gendered stereotypes! the bottom in a gay relationship is not "the girl" (and fuck the 11x03 writers for backpedaling a decade of mickeys character for some stupid misogyny and homophobia jokes) !!!!!!

hhrrrnng i still love any and all trans!mickey roommate and neighbor aus. especially if hes working as a porn star. idk trans guys are so hot sorry for being horny but trans mickey deserved to get sucked and fucked on camera !

emt!ian is also crucial to aus bc he loves giving mick his hormones :')

mickey getting hit on a bunch when he finally starts joining ian at the gym. bc everyone loves how short and buff and mean he is and his tattoos are enticing and his slutty nipple piercings and top surgery scars always slip out his open side muscle tank and the two wolves inside ian (murderously jealous vs proud of his trans king✊) are constantly fighting

i hate the shitty omegaverse cis-guys-get-pregnant biology so every a/b/o fic i read, i imagine trans mickey in my head 😌

if you want to hear more pls tell me what you want me to talk about i LOOOOOOVE discussing plot bunnies. that way i dont have to actually write a cohesive story✨✨

#asks #anonymous #oh yeah i said i would post snippets of my trans mickey wip. i shall do that at some point #i reread it recently snd hated how stupid it was it was so obvious that when i wrote it months ago i was going thru a bad dysphoria time #gallavich #trans!mickey #trans headcanons #shameless

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aprofessionalwithoutstandards · 1 year

Note

dude. Im like 6 months on T now. And my clit gets HARD. and BIG. IT GETS FUCKING HARD. AND IT FEELS FUCKING GREAT.

AS TRANS PEOPLE, WHY WOULD OUR BODIES FEEL SO GOOD IF BEING TRANS WAS AGAINST GODS WISHES??

Like, literally. There have been studies to back it. The clitoris can basically double the amount of nerve endings it has under the influences of Testosterone. That is INSANE.

I feel divine and holy and disgusting and human and beautiful oh my god i love being trans so much. I am rcreating myself

ALSO. I have tits on me. Like, I am one hunk of a man, and by extension my tits are not small. AND THEY'RE BECOMING HAIRY. HAIRY BIG NATURALS. I am absolutely doing a skimpy slutty whore photoshoot of my man tits before top surgery, its going to be great. I feel so powerful. I am looking so masculine, so hairy, even buff, if I do say so myself. And then there's just. tits. THAT IS SO INCREDIBLE OH MY GOD GENDER IS AWESOME

anyways sorry i saw that other ask and couldnt help myself gushing about this

!!!!! Gender is literally so awesome and I love trans people so so so so much I'm not kidding. I love what hrt does to ur body and I love when it makes people this happy. I think it's cool as shit that going on testosterone or estrogen can change your genitals and how you have sex and what feels good and I can't believe that people fearmonger so much about that. I know this is a hat game blog but everyone please feel free to send me stuff like this I always need reminders that trans joy exists it all means so much to me <3

#no joke this kinda thing makes me SO hopeful and optimistic like one day i am going to be able to go on hormones and i can be this happy #ask #anon #mick dicks

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seizethegay420 · 2 years

Text

Miscellaneous Ride The Cyclone headcanons

-they all get brought back to life at the end of it

-they remember the events of canon

-meaning they remember their songs

-the choir performed an "original song" at the next fall fair called sugar cloud

-they won it for the first time

-they did the dance and everything

-Mischa's house is the designated sleep over house

-mischa is trans ftm

-noel is gender fluid

-penny, ocean, and Ricky are autistic

-ocean is aroace

-constance is a demigirl

-mischa gets into fights for the choir a lot

-talia was a catfish

-mischa confided in Noel after finding out

-they fell in love

-talia then became a code name for Noel

-they told the choir abt the code name thing

-noels dad is homophobic but usually never around but just to be safe

-bi Mischa

-Mischa's mama is alive and on the road to recovery

-mischa only got into a few fights pre-canon cause he intimidated everyone

-he starts them now to protect the choir

-mama bird Mischa

-mischa sings Ukrainian lullabies to penny when she's over stimulated

-noel had a small crush on Misch pre-canon that got worse after the "you are man of words Noel Gruber" thing

-constance has two mums

-the choir hang out in Constance's family bakery

- constance learned how to make pirozhki to give to Mischa

-he cried

-Mischa's had top surgery

-ricky is non binary and uses he/him pronouns

-penny is unlabeled and uses she/her pronouns

-the choir like to steal Mischas clothes

-Mischa's shirts look like dresses on ocean

-Ocean is 4'11 and 103lbs of sass and insecurity

-mischa is 6'2 and like 190lbs

-ocean is a snitch

-someone shoves into ocean in the hallway and sees a very angry Ukrainian speeding towards them

-ricky offers Mischa one of his crutches is he's there when Mischas beating the shit out of someone

-everyone was Hella surprised when after almost dying Mischa started actively taking part and enjoying choir

-ricky communicates thru sign language

-mischa, penny and Noel learned sign language for Ricky

-ocean is trying to learn sign language (it's not going well)

-the choir like to sing "what the world needs" to piss off ocean

-mischa taught Noel a little Ukrainian so they could talk shit about people

-2016 cast & script>

-penny has a special interest in animals

-penny walks stiffly likes doll post accident

-ricky is buff from the waist up

-the choir had a betting pool on when nischa would get together

-ricky won

-he was beyond pissed that he was off by like 3 days tho

-noel has one of those crusty white dogs that looks like it has rabies

-birds are attacted to mischa like a disney princess

-i feel like mischa would smell like beer

-penny has a pet frog

-constance volunteers at a pet shelter

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i-may-be-an-emu · 1 year

Note

hiiyyyy!!!

also, trans HCs??

TELLL ME MORE!! :DDDD

HELLOO!

Gladly. (This will be a very long post btw)

(I know I said this at some point but idk when so sorry if im not answering this properly)

My ftm headcannons:

Peter Parker (Marvel Universe)

He knew ever since he was little

The spider bite gave him free testosterone

He also has adhd (hc) and before getting top surgery would hyperfixate and forgert he was binding

Because of this Aunt May would have to check on him and set timers ect

the scene where Tom's spiderman is like "I'm not a girl I'm a BOY- I mean I'm-I'm a MAN" is pure trans-ness

he's also bi (hc) and really terrified of getting a boyfriend and then having him not see him as a man and is actually a straight dudes

So he only dates girls

(mj/the girl Andrew's one was in love with is mtf [but she doesn't really care about her gender but knows its feminin and calls herself mtf] and always reminds him he's a real man and when he goes "but what if-" MJ hits him with a "well then aren't you saying I'm a man then?" or something)

Luke Patterson (from Julie and the phantoms)

Part of the reason his mom and him fought so much

his parents said that the band made him trans and hanging out with boys was turing him into one

But after he died they saw that he was a guy and dedicated the rest of their lives to helping (especially young) trans folk

He wasn't diagnosed as autistic or with adhd (hc) because he was seen as a girl which gave him problems in having to get his parents to listen to him about both his brain and gender

Hates sleeves = trans

The beanie. No I will not elaborate. He wore a beanie. He is trans.

The way his hair is styled is like it was grown long and cut short instead of grown short and cut to stay that way, meaning that he is very likely to have had long hair and probably cut it short himself

When he became a ghost his soul was a guy so his ghost form became a guy, meaning he had a cis guy's appearance and "biological" situation or whatever

My Name Is Luke. He wrote a song called my name is Luke.

Jake peralta (Brooklyn 99)

Gina helped him come out to his mom

Did you SEE how he looked in highschool? The long hair and earring? Litterally in denial. Plus he was best friends with a girl (not saying straight guys can't have female friends but c'mon)

He wears about 3 layers

He met Rosa in the academy and i like to think that it was transohobic and put him in a dorm with her

she didn't care but was really mad about the academy being transphobic

prison was difficult, but Caleb was also trans and it made it easier (they look down in the shower and jake says samsies, I refuse to belive it's about circumcision and think it's trans instead.)

When Jake came out to Holt they had a kinda father-son type moment and Holt said that he understood and if Jake ever needed anything to come to him

He was still wearing a binder in the first few seasons (screw the scenes where he's shirtless) and the pain is unbearable because he's irresponsible (cue Gina and Rosa basically grounding him and everyone finding out he's trans)

Hiccup Haddock The 3rd (How to train Your Dragon)

He's 15 in the first movie. 15. My boy looks like he's 12

He's not as buff as the other guys his age and in one of the episodes where he's 15 bucket does a painting of him and Stowick and makes him extra buff, Stowick likes it more and Hiccup feels like crap (because he's trans)

Everyone sees him as a screw up and won't even let him ououtside

We never see him shirtless

"But he grows a beard eventually!" Yes but how long did that take him? My guy invented a flaming sword i think he'd be able to get testosterone from sosomewhere.

Kids? Sperm doner! (yes i know they're vikings but they could always just like... yk)

He doesn't have a bulge in his pants

He felt like an outsider and seeing toothless be the only nightfury made him just feel really connected to him

He didn't change his name

When he meets his mom she's obviously suprised but understands what's going on

My mtf headcanons:

Carrie (Julie and the phantoms)

Trevor understood fully because of Luke and asked her if she wanted a new name and what pronouns to use

He sometimes messed up with her pronouns at first but he tries really hard to get them right

When she came out he game her his credit card to buy new clothes with and quickly learned that was a very bad idea

She figured out her gender but was still figuring out her sexuality

She started dating nick as a power move to try and gain popularity (it worked)

She went on puberty blockers at 13 and it meant she was able to get a high voice but still does voice training as well (i dont know much about mtf voice stuff im sorry 😭)

After season one the boys were able to become visible to lifers when they want to be and she and Luke become trans bff's

loves pink

(I'm sorry I cant think of anymore mtf ones mainly because im ftm and those hc come from projecting onto charichters)

Nonbinary:

Oh my gosh I forgot their name 🤦 (from jatp)

(The member of dirty candy who Reggie likes)

Idk. But they are. She goes by they/she pronouns too, and I cant really say much else because they're a side character.

And also MJ from the Tom Holland spidermans is a genderfluid girl

Im sorry im too tired to elaborate any further I will think of more tho C:

[Edited]

#Headcannons #transgender #trans headcanons #Peter parker #Trans spiderman #Luke patterson #Carrie Wilson #Hiccup haddock #Jake peralta #mtf #ftm #Im sorry that there's not as many mtf or nb ones as the ftm #nonbinary #lgbtq #Jatp #Httyd #B99

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eyes-of-nine · 8 months

Note

question 17 & 18 for .... ALL of them!! :3 i wanna know more bout them all :'D

(but also of course u can also just choose to answer this question for only some of them that u wanna answer it for)

AHFDGGADFH ELLY!! i'll try to keep the intros really really short bc there's quite a few

17.Are they easily embarrassed?

18.What embarrasses them?

Asher (annoying guy with light powers who thinks he can out manipulate everyone.... he can't) i don't think he's easily embarrassed on most occasions, especially with the shit he pulls off, but there are some exceptions. The biggest thing you could embarrass them with is a big spoiler but let's just say an indirect compliment could make him scream internally.

Mitchell (champion of the Ennoia of Desire, he basically gets to be almost immortal as long as he does the gods' dirty work) easily the most embarrassible (??) one out of the ashmix trio. My man cringes every time he has to hold a conversation with anyone. Pointing out basically anything he does whether positive or negative would do the trick. He is very confused when ppl can perceive him.

Phoenix (is having the worst time bc suddenly and for seemingly no reason she might be able to destroy the world and not a lot of ppl are happy about it) Girl has NO SHAME. It would be impressive to get her to show any sort of embarrassment. ...maybe except for the fact she has like -7 perception or the fact her and Theo met bc she broke his nose after he snitched on her for skipping class.

Theo ( just some guy helping his sister run a cafe, saving up for top surgery and suffering bc he's best friends with Phoenix and that means he doesn't get to know peace...ever) He has a pretty decent grasp on his emotions so it's not THAT EASY to embarrass him. He does tend to put other's needs before his own tho so I think just making him the center of attention for long enough would be enough

Star (Theo's oldest friend and a chaos gremlin who runs around using the fact that nobody suspects a small almost blind guy of smuggling illegal shit to, well, do exactly that) He's not someone who likes to show weakness, thanks to the social circles he tends to deal with, so he hides his embarrassment behind hostility. You could not tell if anything affects him or not. But there are some that tend to hit him hard. Specifically his financial situation or his ability/the reason his eyesight is fucked. He'd dislike you for it tho.

Taru-zai (Ennoia of Time and Space, in charge of running the jail between worlds and hunt down possible dangers to the order of the world) No.

Desiderem (Ennoia of Desire, consists of two incarnations: Rem the previous Ennoia of Desire who well is very dead and Des, the current desire incarnate and Mitchell's patron) almost impossible tho they do have a soft spot for their champions which is very not indifferent higher being of them

Different universe time babey!!

Harlow (girl turned android war machine/bodyguard who after a failed android revolution that she barely escaped alive is forced to pick up pieces of her broken life back together on a desolate planet) Girlie should be happy she can't blush any more bc she would look like a tomato 24/7. If you mention anything about her not being a stoic, cold-blooded get things done no matter the cost war machine, it's over for her which looking at her choice of travel companion, she's fucked.

Caitlyn (buff himbo who sees the best in everyone until they hurt someone she cares about, running around a desert planet scavenging to help out her family and Harlow's great choice of travel companion) Not really. She's a very earnest person and rarely feels like she needs to hide something. She does get embarrassed if you use her full name instead of her super cool definitely didn't think of it in middle school nickname Cai. i love her sm

last character and last universe

Maddy (a young medium who just graduated high school and is, to her annoyance, full-time pinning over the ghost of her best friend's gf while also trying to solve her murder. just think ultimate trio of disaster lesbians) She's a bit awkward, like most teenagers/ just freshly out of high school ppl tend to be. She has a dad who loves to tease her and well looking at the bio, embarrassing her isn't that hard

oc asks

#TYSM FOR THE ASK ILYSM ELLY!!!#afdgdsd this was so fun to think about sorry it took me so long to respond there were a lot of characters ywy #they're all so so silly tho #hope you have fun thinking of the implications :3 #ask game #oc posting

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skyjynxart · 2 years

Text

Mmm sorry.

Ah, the good ol’ readmore yellfest. Seriously no need to read this, I just need to get it off my chest. If you do skim through, big fat TW for transphobia, and like- body image issues? This is a fucked up little diary entry and I’m going to delete it later- this is purely for catharsis & self-reflection after I’ve had some sleep.

And a note to that one very close friend who may read this despite being warned off: I know it’s stupid on some level, I know this started like 2 weeks ago, and I am yelling here so I DON’T yell in your direction again so shoo.

I like to think I’m someone who handles bigotry well. Most of the time, things slide off me like water off a duck. I’m at this point pretty visibly gender non-conforming, because I’ve been on T for like a year and a half, but refuse to cut my hair off. Microaggressions pretty much mean nothing to me at this point, I hear them all the time, and 99% of the time they’re unintentional and from complete strangers in a town I don’t really like anyway.

Sometimes people are deliberately cruel- but then I can just avoid them, and that’s the end of it. Even at work, where I might have to see certain patrons regularly, there’s juuust enough protections in place for me that I can reasonably refuse to interact with them after they’ve said something, and if I were to gather up the energy to go to HR about it, they’d at least probably be talked to about it.

It hits a little different coming from someone I know online who I thought of as friendly, if not a friend.

It especially hits different when it’s about something I’m not- used to.

Specifically, it hits really fucking hard when it’s comments like ‘it makes me want to gag’ and ‘seriously nobody wants to see that’ and ‘Ive never seen this side of trans’ ( grammatical nightmare aside, that IS a direct quote ), and these comments are being made about an OC that I chose to update an old femme design into a transmasc one. One that I chose to keep the old art of around because the whole point is that we trans folx don’t just pop out of the womb with top surgery scars.

And with the bulk of that disgust being directed at the fact that, when drawing a nude body reference of this OC, I drew him with a vagina ( can I still say vagina on tumblr? ). You know. Like... Trans men are typically born with. Like a great majority of trans men have, because bottom surgery is expensive and painful and frankly doesn’t really work as well when it comes to giving you functioning parts as one would assume. They can’t just- graft a dick onto someone.

It’s like people wanna support us until they’re confronted with the reality of what being trans means.

And I guess this just hits hard because I already struggle with feeling-- like I’m wanted on like, a very basic level lmao, but particularly with internalising a lot of rhetoric and frankly narrow representation of transmasc people ( skinny or buff af, white, short hair, no hips, only clockable by voice or height, still hairless somehow, and either wearing a strap in sexytimes or not sexy at all ) that excludes someone who presents the way I do pretty heavily on multiple counts.

So someone making those kinds of comments because they don’t like that I re-designed an OC to reflect parts of my experience- parts of my body that I am struggling to love, but can love more easily on a piece of fiction made out of pixels- I guess it makes sense that it’s circling around in my head even weeks later. And I’ve never really- felt hit by transphobia in this way- I’ve never felt cut directly by it before because I’m usually so fucking prepared, and so used to recognising when there’s a high risk and cutting people off before they have a chance to enact this kind of shit and hurt me with it.

I dunno I’m dealing with a lot of weird things for the first time in my life because my late 20s is a weird as fuck time to exist, and my body is changing from age and a second puberty at the same time, and some of those changes are amazing things that I’m happy about while others are waking a lot of internalised issues I never knew I had until now, and this was just a really fucking inopportune time for something like that to come along, and ever since those screenshots got shared with me I just- haven’t been able to feel right or comfortable. At first I thought okay, I am fueled by 99% spite, so I’m gonna draw SO MUCH transguy smut now, but--

every time I sit down to do it, I freeze up.

I don’t know why- this has never happened to me before. And I hate it. I hate that words not even spoken directly to me- maybe even because they weren’t spoken directly to me, because then I have to wonder how many other people are secretly saying and thinking the same things- can make me question my body, question what I draw, question-- so much about myself. I fucking hate it.

#sky speaks #tw

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korodere · 3 years

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kamukomahina gender/body headcanons

a bit of a ramble about my body, gender, and general appearance headcanons for them bcuz someone sent me a curiouscat prompting this 3k words of hyperfixation nonsense

Komaeda:

- He has a naturally lithe body, with a thin waist, broad shoulders and hips, which give him an hourglass. and a rather andrognyous body, which is "lucky" for him, because I hc him as nonbinary and gender non-conforming

- Gender-wise, as I said, I think he's nonbinary. Usually I do view Nagito as AMAB but I indulge in transmasc Nagito from time to time depending on my preference and how much I wish to uh, well, project, lol. But either way I think he would use he/they pronouns in a western sense. In japanese, however, they don't use third person pronouns that other people refer to them with, and in canon he uses the first person pronoun "boku", which is a "soft" masculine pronoun, in comparison to the "hard" masculine pronoun, “ore” (which Hajime uses btw!) which fits quite nicely, in my opinion! Also, in Japanese, you can be 'fluid' with your first person pronouns depending on the situation, so I think he could use more neutral or feminine pronouns should he desire it, too, to play on his gender non-conformity.

- Komaeda is very secure in his gender, regardless of being AMAB or AFAB. He does not care about stigma, or discrimination, he does not care about being "accepted" by broader society. Broader society is sort of meaningless to him, the average person and their ideas about gender and presentation and effeminity mean NOTHING to him. Whether or not a random person the street genders him correctly or treats him with respect is sort of, pointless? Because to him, most ordinary people are pointless nobodies. Their thoughts do not matter to him. I think he is still prone to insecurity, however, when around his "betters" but I just struggle to think he would degrade himself in regards to gender. to him, it's the least of his problems. what he cares about is hope and talent. He could dress femininely or wear makeup or straight up crossdress and not mind it, really. He thinks people would find a problem with it are the problem, because why does it even matter? It speaks to the way Komaeda is detached from societal norms & "normal" people, he did not grow up in normal circumstances, so he doesn't interact with the world normally by any means. he can mask and act normally to the best of his ability, often unintentionally?, but he simply does not fit into broader society and doesn't seek to.

- Komaeda loses weight really easily, and doesn't gain weight that well. This is mainly due to his many illnesses but also the medications he's been put on. He has a low appetite and burns weight rather easily, even though I headcanon that he eats like garbage (mainly junk food & takeout, since he obviously cannot cook). This makes him overall, health wise, not very healthy, and stick thin because of it. A stiff breeze could knock him over, tbh.

- He has a lot of faded scars, self-inflicted or not.

- Pre-despair (in HPA) he is fairly healthy but still lithe, and progressively his body deteriorates through his 2 years of hopes peak before the Tragedy begins.

- During the Tragedy itself, his body is at it's worst. he is almost nothing but bone at times, barely kept together by a need to live so he can see hope triumph. His weight fluctuates but he's very unhealthy. He's not anorexic or on death's door, but he's not well off, either.

- After being put into the neo world program, right after waking up, he's very, very thin and gaunt. he was in a pod on feeding tubs for an indiscernible but at least probably a month's worth of time? So he's just very weak, like he could collapse if he moves too quickly.

- But a while after waking, he goes into remission, and starts to gain more healthy habits due to being rehabilitated and cared for by Hinata, and gains some weight, finally at a healthy, normal weight. I still think he would struggle with putting on too much weight, but I am slightly fond of the idea that he gets a bit of healthy pudge after a while. To him, it's so foreign being healthy, that he honestly think something's wrong with him at first.

Hinata:

- Hinata has a very... average body, true to form. His hips and waist aren't too pronounced but he has a loosely "hourglass" shape, too, just not as exaggerated as Komaeda's in comparison.

- Gender-wise, I am EXTREMELY fond of transmasc Hinata. While I think I portray AMAB Hinata more than transmasc Hinata (in art and writing), I still firmly prefer transmasc Hinata. The reason I think portray otherwise more is just out of comfortability, but I've been getting better at comfortably portraying FTM Hinata. I have some reasons I prefer it and think you can extrapolate it from canon, but let's get into that

- Hinata, in my eyes, has an arc and story that fits perfectly into him just. Being trans. His desire to be someone else, someone better, someone he can proud of, and the way he overcompensates for himself and has an extreme inferiority complex would easily lend to him having similar feelings about his gender. To me, Hinata is a trans man who overperforms his masculinity out of insecurity and a need to pass. I see him as someone who would strictly use "he/him" in a western sense, which is lended to by his use of the "ore" pronoun in canon, which is almost hypermasculine.

- Even if he were AMAB, I think it still works, I think he's still someone who's insecure and tries to assert himself more strongly and therefore performs masculinity in a way to appear more confident than he is.

(side note: I actually read a bit about queerness in Japan and how it relates to gender performance and the use of pronouns, and read a bit about how queer women in japan tend to use "boku" and "ore" to perform masculinity, which I find neat. “Ore” was also sometimes used exclusively to show anger and dominance, which is why it's categorized as a "rough" pronoun. I think Japanese language, gender, and expression, and how those all relate to one another, are extremely interesting and if you get the time you should read about it lol)

- Body-wise, pre-despair, I think Hinata would. not have top surgery, obviously. I think he has a fairly average but leaning a little on the hefty side chest (pre-op) and binds it, hence the '91 cm' (but also he still has 91 cm post-op because bazongas). I also just think he leans on the "twunk" side of things at this point, not buff but not stick thin or without muscle, just kind of average with average strength and all, though I think Hinata would've tried to do sports and stuff to find his talent so he's in shape :)

- My personal, kind of amusing, but also kind of... thematical? Headcanon, is that during the Kamukura project, he also underwent gender transition. to be honest, while it may not make sense in modern Japan, I think we can suspend our disbelief for fiction, and also make the argument that Hinata's "transition" into Kamukura CAN be read, in some part, as relatable or at least familiar to the trans experience. Iit is not out of the realm of possibility, either, to assume that because many bits of society in Danganronpa are advanced (specifically science, is extremely ahead of our understanding, almost sci-fi like at times) certain attitudes about gender and sexuality can be smoothed over more in a Japanese context.

(side note: I also think that science-wise, we can suspend our disbelief, and assume that top surgery and bottom surgery are much more advanced in this universe, given the almost unbelievable levels of science in Danganronpa, such as memory wipe, mind control, completely realistic virtual simulation, um literally everything about Kamukura which is body modification and brain modification to an extreme, etc. I think it's kind of fitting within these to assume that... Hinata/Kamukura could just, gain a functioning penis, lol)

Kamukura:

- Kamukura would have a. "Perfect" body. it's stated, I'm pretty sure, that they modified not only his brain but his body, because he needs to be able to perform every talent under their belt with ease, and his strength, instincts, technique, are all superhuman. So it's clear to me he'd have a buff body. toned muscles and all. He wouldn't really feel a need to keep it up, though, but I think since they're very... artificial (basically fucking steroids?) they wouldn't fade from a lack of keep-up.

- Kamukura also rarely ever is injured, but when he does, his body heals rather fast and can care for himself adequately, because again, his body is modified to a point of almost inhumanity.

- Gender wise, Kamukura genuinely does not care. however, I am not one to think that Kamukura is "a different person" from Hinata, rather, he is separate from Hinata, but an extension of Hinata as well, proven that he experiences some of his emotions even if subconsciously and without understanding them. he isn't a different personality or person developed in Hinata's body, but a very traumatizing, repressed, and manipulated version of Hinata given a new name, with memories repressed. He's like Theseus's ship in human form---if you get rid of everything that makes someone themselves and replace it, bit by bit, is it the same person? Technically, yes, but... truly? Who knows.

Because of this, I think Kamukura would have a leaning toward masculine gender performance (in canon, in fact, he uses the soft masculine pronoun "boku" in stead of "ore" like Hinata) BUT I think he is still very nonbinary. In a western sense, i think he would use he/they pronouns, but not really care if someone mistook him for a woman, I suppose.

- His appearance, unironically, is very nonbinary or "he/they" to me because he's wearing a suit, the archetypal form of masculinity, but has extremely long hair, which is considered feminine, and speaks softly (dully). Of course, the bishounen "pretty boy" appearance isn't uncommon or considered less masculine in japan, I think, but there is still a different between soft masculinity and rough masculinity in japan, which lends itself to being interpreted sort of gender non-conforming by western audiences :)

- Kamukura, due to his apathy, struggles with self-maintaining, but as we all probably know i am extremely attached to KamuKoma and thus headcanon that Servant helps him, sort of like a royal servant would royalty in the old days, take care of himself by bathing him, brushing his hair out, grooming him, etc. partially out of duty, partially out of appreciation for Kamukura's body, and partially out of maintaining his sort of "perfect" look since Kamukura, especially post-Junko death, is perceived widely by the public as the new leader of the ultimate despair, even if he is ambivalent to such a title.

Post-DR3 Hinata/Kamukura combined:

As I rambled on about previously, I don't think that Kamukura and Hinata are separate people or personality, I really dislike the interpretation that they are like a "split personality" or operate like DID, because they do not "form" like DID, but also in canon, are not portrayed as separate people.

In post-dr3, Hinata instead says that he is both of them, because he is. Kamukura is Hinata, always was, but had been given a new, false identity, had been stripped of his previous self, his memories, his personality, and crafted into something new. but that did not "split" his brain into two people. It simply repressed who he once was, and made him someone he now was. But when Kamukura regains his memories, his past self, through the means of the new world program by restoring his own memories after SDR2 concludes and he wakes up, as well as doing the same for everyone else, he decides to be "Hajime Hinata" who he always was, but carrying and shouldering the weight of what "Izuru Kamukura" had been, become, and done. Hinata *is* Kamukura, he answers for Kamukura's wrongdoings, his crimes, as something he had done as a different person who's mind operated differently, due to being artificially suppressed, modified, into an apathetic tool for the scientists who made him, and later and aimless, bored individual who simply sought meaning he did not have in the unknown of what despair would be at it's climax. And if hope could overcome it.

As such, I think, when Hinata's self is brought back into the mix, and he now deals with Kamukura's apathy and boredom in part, but much less consuming and much less often, I think hinata is less staunchly "masculine", does not overperform it anymore, and is trying to understand what his past means to him, what his present is, and what his future will be. I think that Hinata would still primarily use he/him (or still use "ore" in Japanese, as it's also a means of his personality, which is a bit rough around the edges and blunt), but be more ambivalent to rigid gender expression, still finding comfort and idealness in masculinity, but not be made dysphoric or feel frightened, uncomfortable, with non-comformity or anything like that. being boyish, masculine, is what he enjoys, but he's comfortable in it now, doesn't need to prove himself or overperform it. He can explore nonconformity without feeling like his gender or masculinity is at threat, even if it's not his preference outright.

Body-wise, I think it's safe to say he retains Kamukura's muscle and all, but Kamukura didn't put much effort into the everyday machinations of being a human being in general, and Hinata is much more fond of food than him now, eats more often, and I enjoy the idea that he gains a little pudge and has a kind of "dad bod" almost, post-DR3? lol.

Both for Hinata and Kamukura I don't see their bodies as “bara” or overly buff, masculine, but a kind of comfortable middle ground between twunk and hunk, lmao. I think they're also averagely hairy, not overly so, very lightly. kind of well groomed, and all. Hinata, pre-despair, put not so much effort into his appearance but still some, especially in trying to pass. (In fact I think his hair cut looks like a home job, all choppy and stuff, which fits him in my opinion, something done by his own hands even if messy and imperfect, he still prefers to be in control of it. also fits the trans headcanon tehe).

Izuru put very little if any effort into himself, only the bare minimum necessary to function, but servant helped him upkeep it to a perfect standard. Hinata, post-dr3 now, finds himself putting you know, an average amount of care into himself and his body, enough to be healthy, but not overly critical and conscious of himself.

Komaeda i have always seen as someone who takes a good deal of care about himself, merely if to alleviate the "disgust" of his appearance and body, by practically preening himself. He is someone who is good at cleaning and seems to appreciate clean and well kept spaces, so I think he would have a similar attitude toward himself. even if he is insecure, and of course, struggles with mental health and may slip at times in his routine in keeping himself well-kept, I think he still maintains an appearance for the most part, at least in his later years (teen to young adult). An argument can be made that he cared less in his adolescence because he had much more apathy about the world, but when he gave himself a purpose with hope and talent, I think he would care for himself a little better, even if his was spiralling mentally.

His hair is always washed, it is just very curly and prone to mess, so it often looks like perpetual bedhead, even when he combs and brushes it. His skin is soft even if a little worn by his tendency for accidents & injury, it's still soft and almost luckily so, and he takes pride in moisturizing and cleaning himself. His skin is a little sickly, still, and I think that despite having blemishes, scars, etc. Komaeda manages to look pretty in a strange way, not conventionally beautiful, but almost ethereal? He's just *pretty*, there's no way to explain it, he is nice to look at even with all his "flaws" and imperfections. Even when he's sickly and bony, even when his cheeks are gaunt or his hands shaky and weak, when his hair is a tangled mess or his clothes are dirty, he's nice to look at in a way that's nonconventional, and it's sort of mesmerizing.

Hinata I think is very average but also in a way that's nice to look at it. He's not ground-breaking hot or conventionally attractive, he has a good body, a nice face, and hair you could play with a little if you wanted. I think what's appealing about him is his normalcy, he's not trying too hard or "gifted" gene wise, but he's just kinda nice to look at, he's enjoyable to be around, an understanding person, or at least tries to be even when he fails, and despite having flaws, insecurities, blunt, he is someone you're drawn to because he's one of those people that's just, easy to talk to? An emotional anchor, almost. The kind of guy everyone kind of knows and has talked to at least once, even if you're not friends with him personally, not because he's cool or popular or anything, but because he's a normal dude who's easy to trust and talk to.

Kamukura, on the other hand, is intimidating, appearance wise and personality wise. he looks, strange, anything but normal, his eyes are red and his hair is this dark cloud that envelops him. His face may still be that plain one Hinata has but faces can be changed by the surrounding attributes as well as expression and such is true for him, with his apathetic and cold expression as well as otherwordly characteristics, he comes off as much more beautiful in a dark way, kind of? In a way that's intimidating or a little daunting, but he's still very beautiful. mesmerizing.

okay, thats my ramble. ty.

#nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #izuru kamukura #komahina #kamukoma #headcanons #my headcanons #kota.txt

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

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Hey Goldy,

feel free to disagree but i was thinking about the whole jimin wanting to bulid muscles thing and i remembered blood sweat and tears era....the whole thing back then was that he was pushing himself to look like what an idol is 'supposed' to look like. so right now him trying to bulid muscles might be bcuz he wants to look more like a perfect idol and just have the kind of body that is expected of him as an idol. this is similar to many female idols trying to be really skinny to fit in with the toxic standards of being an idol. so more so than toxic masculinity i guess we should be worried about him conforming to toxic idol body standards.

If you don't mind, I agree with you.

Your point is equally part of the discourse: unrealistic male body standards, strict and toxic beauty standards for idols, toxic masculinity- I think they are all intersectional cousins living on the same continent. It don't mean they are mutually exclusive or that the presence of one excludes the other.

Jimin could very well be grappling with all of these at once we will never know- much like headache. You think it's just your head, next you know you feeling cold too, then you're dizzy, puking, passing out and explaining to your doctor why you're gay but think your period is late. Then you find out you're not pregnant but you wish you were because what you've been diagnosed with is far worse than being pregnant by a phantom Male who probably might have raped you when you were passed out even though you hate men and it's like WHAT ARE WE EVEN HERE ON EARTH FOR?!

Not that any of that happened to me.

As I said in the last post, I think skinny and androgymasculine is the body standard for men in Kpop. Most male idols who get cosmetic surgery or makeup do not do it to enhance their traditional masculine features. They try to look soft and feminine- especially around the jaw so it looks more oval and feminine.

When any of the members gain body weight they are immediately placed on a diet- whether or not that is healthy is another issue to debate on. You know what I think.

Fans and antis alike blatantly call the members fat and complain about their appearance, that they look chubby or fat even though sometimes it's just the bulkiness that comes from building muscles.

Much like Jimin defending Jungkook when a fan called him fat. He explained it was muscle not fat. What's wrong with being fat?

The fatphobia and fat shaming in Kpop is one conversation I sincerely don't think y'all are ready for, given recent events. Didn't Suga, the lady from Twice and one guy from Enhypen come under such vicious attacks for being fat in recent times?

People were making fun of her for being 'fat' and some assumed initially she was pregnant or something of the sorts- allegedly. Can't verify the source or identify how recent this was.

That this piece was written by someone called I love BTS is not ironic, the main irony is that the lady being fat shamed for showing her biceps and belly had just returned from a hiatus during which she had sought psychological treatment for her mental health.

The things these Idols do to maintain the looks we see on screen is outrageous and really worrying- to some of us at least. Jungkook recently saying he didn't eat anything for about 5 days when they filmed the butter MV gave me palpitations. I hope they stop glorifying these things as if it's something to be proud of. It's disconcerting at best. But what do I know, I have to leave people to make their own choices I'm told.

If I choose to harm myself because I feel pressured by my work environment it's not a choice it's oppression. Just saying.

And yes, people can CHOOSE to do bad things to themselves. it don't make those bad choices right and that's the nuance of the conversation we are having.

And I hope people who fat shame the boys know and understand the risks they take and how hard they work to meet these beauty and body standards- IT'S RIDICULOUS.

Jimin calling himself fat is not a choice. It's him cracking under the pressure of Idolhood. Like I said, he is prone to these things. And saying he is mature now and so he cannot be affected by these pressures is obtuse and toxically positive.

If you've been paying attention to Jimin for sometime now since On Era last year, he's not been talking positively about his body especially whenever they talk about his early days and when they've reacted to their debut.

He's talked about how his body looked so great then as compared to now- even though it was ON ERA and he looked pretty buffed- relatively speaking.

RM felt his biceps and told him his body now was ok. Seems to me whatever is going on with him and his view of his body now didn't just begin. Something is just acting as catalyst and bringing it all up to the surface.

He's comparing himself to his debut days and thinking that masculine aesthetics- which he himself said was a trap for him and was glad he had overcome that, "hurry up and be me now" - he's backpedaling to say that looks better than his present look.

Towards the end of 2020 we saw him proudly sporting Illucebra Arcanus- male and female adjectives, the bigender symbol, and proudly comparing his body to a flower because he says it was delicate.

But it seems to me he is struggling internally with identifying himself or trying to fit into these labels external to him. Not to be psychoanalytic or anything. I think I talked about this in one of my blogs. A florist described him as delicate during Run and he's since been using that word to describe his features. I think he wears his internal struggles on his identity on his sleeves which is very typical of people with dual like gender identities or identities that exist on a spectrum ranging from one form to the other rather than being gender A or B- sometimes those identities conflict.

He's on a journey to self discovery I'd say and that includes deciding for himself what he is rather than bending to the labels of what people think he is or should be.

Androgyny can be attained by make up, or clothes- it can be fashion or trend but it is also a valid form of identity.

All these songs they write about persona, ego, map of the soul... these are very Carl Jung in nature and it's not far fetched to assume they dabble in these things and learn from it to shape their own understanding of who they are- Jimin pays attention to these things and if you are a huge fan of his you'd know which moments I'm referring to.

Non of these however exempts him or preclude him from having toxic notions of masculinity I'm afraid.

It's like assuming gay people can't be homophobic or black people can't be racist.

I don't know why people are struggling to wrap around that Jimin struggles with toxic masculinity tendencies when he has addressed that very issue himself on several occasions- I'm simply putting a name to it. Toxic masculinity don't mean he is a toxic person or man. A toxic man can have toxic masculinity on top of his toxicity.

A woman can be a perpetrator of toxic masculinity if they are prone to expecting men to behave in a certain way that is harmful to men and other women.

These are the people who call skinny, effeminate men weak and gay and expect or encourage men to be heroes, and violent and aggressive and even nurture those traits in their men.

I do agree with Jimin pushing himself to look like the perfect idol in the past- I did, have and will continue to condemn that choice he makes from time to time just as I condemn the toxic masculinity now.

It's interesting how you see him bending to the pressures to look as an idol in kpop as a problem and articulate it well but fail to see that an ad which is pro manly men would have a similar effect on him to push him to look a certain way which is opposite of how he looks naturally- especially when he's been questioning himself for quite some time now.

If fat shaming causes idols to loose weight, there's a shaming that causes effeminate men to want to bulk up. And if the former is fatphobia and can be internalized, the later is toxic masculinity and can be internalized too.

If an idol loosing weight to meet a strict standard is not about their choice and personal body preference, skinny men gyming to bulk up isn't so much about choice either. It's nuanced in that way and those two can be happening together at the same time.

I'm ok if he is not feeling pressured to look a certain way- whether skinny or buff. If it's his choice and his alone it is not toxic masculinity or internalized fatphobia.

I loved reading your POV. Thank you.

Signed,

GOLDY

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potatotrash0 · 3 years

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Hey idk if youve done this alreadh but im curious about your body headcanons for the sdr2 cast!! An anon sent some in for characters previously (the one where they said things like angie has vitiligo and stuff-i love them and they really stuck with me haha) and i wanna know your headcanons!! :D

Hmhmm this one I might be listing off the spot lmao. I feel like my hcs are mostly just. Common hcs but hey I never said I wasn’t basic skdjksjdks

cw for. Everyone. Yeah kdjfksjdks

Hajime…..I like to think he’s slightly buff? Maybe that’s not the right word. Toned? Idk, I hc that he jumps around hobbies a lot because he wants to find something he’s good at, so that includes sports. I like the idea that a few stick with him, like swimming and basketball. I imagine he also has light scrapes and scars on his legs from falling, both with skateboarding and general Clumsy Shit.

Also this one switches a lot but with Trans Hajime, I can see him with top surgery scars.

Oh ah, I like freckled Hajime!! It’s cute. This one goes with the sports hc, but I like the idea that he’s kinda tanned. Entirely unrelated but I also like the idea that he has calluses from playing guitar.

Chiakiii!! She’s soft bc I said so. Specifically her thighs, arms and stomach + some stretch marks. And moles all over. Projecting big time onto a cute fictional girl, call that self care <333 /j

uhh other than that, I imagine she has bags under her eyes from staying up late gaming. Also tan Chiaki my love. Shh I know she probably doesn’t go outside for days on end. In my defense I tan easily and I imagine she does too. Again with the projection. Shhhh

Oh oh!!!! I forgot to mention but!!!! Chiaki gets a ton of moles. I saw the boob mole and went !!!!!! fellow mole haver!!!!!! and went nuts. This is the one weird niche entirely irrelevant thing that can get me to like a character, just. Being able to point at them and jump up and down with joy over them also having moles. Idk why it’s just therapeutic <33

Nagito’s bony. Skinny mf. Could probably cut cheese with his elbows. Maybe grate it on his collarbones. Cuddling with him would be a fight to see if you can find a position that doesn’t end with something poking you in the gut. I mean this affectionately, he’s bony as shit but he’s my bony fucker <3

Pale asf, sunburns if he’s in the sun for more than two minutes. His eye bags could hold the entirety of his life’s trauma. Sharpest features ever. Sometimes I hc that he looks greasy, and other times I hc that he looks ethereally pretty in a ghostly way. Either way he always looks like he’s had the soul sucked out of him by a Dementor.

You can probably definitely see the veins in his hands. They’re. Very There. Also I’ve brought this up before but he definitely has big ass hands. L a r g e hands, all the better to head pat you with. This was originally so much more pining but I decided no I’ve exposed myself enough on this blog skfjksjdkd

Oh last minute thing, I think he’d be tall as fuck. Specifically 6’0 or taller. Also he probably (definitely) has at least a few scars from his childhood, particularly that plane crash. And I like to think he has glasses when he’s older. I’m so sorry that his section is so long I have so many thoughts about him ;;;;;

Okay uhh Imposter? Mmm. Idk actually. I do think they’d have callused fingers but soft hands. Probably from having to adapt to using a ton of different talents for their Imposter Agenda. Also stretch marks probably, all over their body.

Teruteru uhhhhh. God. Can you tell I don’t think about some characters ;;;;; Idk I don’t have much that differs from canon. I like him. Oh but he probably has cook hands? Chef hands, whatever you wanna call them. Probably faint scars from cuts and burns from when he was still learning how to cook from his mama.

Mahiru……hmm well freckles obviously dkjfksjd. I think she’s tanned as well since I feel like she likes sunlit shots. Idk I don’t have much. I like to think she’s got a stockier body type though.

Also not necessarily her body but I like her with an undercut!

Peko’s buff <3 it’s canon <333 /j

N ee way yeah. Buff Peko my love. Also she probably has a few scars from handling her sword when she was younger and less experienced. I also feel like she would have contacts she wears when she trains bc fuck exercising with glasses

I don’t really have anything for Hiyoko until she gets her growth spurt. Afterwards, I imagine she’s tall and kinda thin? Mainly bc of fast metabolism probably, though when she’s older maybe she’d be a little less spindly.

I don’t know if her hair would be bleached or not, but if it were, I like the idea of her letting her actual hair color grow in. If not, I think Ibuki might help her try a few sections of dyed hair? Idk I just like the thought

Ibuki is a fellow bony bitch. I mean this lovingly. She’s skin and bone. Skeleton rocker lady

Probably tan, I imagine she spends a lot of time in the sun. She strikes me as a summer person. Oh, I also saw some art of Black Ibuki with vitiligo and loved that!! Also calluses from shredding guitar, obviously

Hmmm I like the idea that she rollerskates? So possibly some bruises or scars on her arms or legs from falling on concrete when she was still learning. Oh oh I imagine she has a ton of piercings!!! On her ears, nose, lips, brows, tongue, belly button…….maybe she has a split tongue too idk. Also she totally gets a ton of tattoos when she’s outta Hope’s Peak, prove me wrong.

Mikan uhhh. I like tall Mikan. She deserves the height. 5’8 to 6’0 Mikan good 👍

Hmm she probably has scars all over, particularly on her arms and legs. Uh. Idk I imagine she’s curvy probably. What do I say for her I don’t have anything skjdksjdks

I’m not even gonna lie I don’t have a damn thing for Nekomaru. Or. Wait nevermind here’s a concept: buff Nekomaru but like. If you’ve seen those wrestlers who have fat on them that hides some fucking crazy strength? Yeah that’s him. Also hairy asf.

Gundham……tall vampire vibes. I’d say he’s a stick but also I feel like he’s the slim type of muscular. Idk how to describe it. Shigaraki type muscle? Male gymnast. No nevermind those guys have visible muscle. Shigaraki type it is

Hmmm I think this is canon but probably a few scratches from his pets. His arms and legs mainly but I’m sure the Devas have scratched up his neck at some point or another. Just a little though. Also piercing fiend Gundham my beloved. I also like him having a couple tattoos when he’s older. Ibuki probably helped him heheh

I’m torn between Fuyuhiko being skinny as shit and Fuyuhiko being tiny and buff. I like both………hhh

His hair is probably bleached. Peko probably helps him re-dye it when his roots start growing in. I also like him having glasses

Uhhh tooth gap Fuyu’s cute. I used to have a super small one before I got my braces, I imagine it’s the same for him. Him, Ibuki, and Gundham are probably Tattoo Buds.

Kazuichi…..I want so bad to say he’s a weakling just to make fun of him but he’s a mechanic that probably works with heavy machine parts a lot and he probably has some sick biceps. But he probably also smells like hair dye, oil, metal, and Monster Energy. Win lose situation I guess.

I like to think he has a couple piercings? Not as many as Ibuki, but maybe he’s got like. Second or third place in the class. Also he totally filed his teeth to be sharp like that

Akane!! Buff lady, could probably deadlift me or something. She’s definitely got some scars from running around, especially when she was first learning parkour. Ummm oh, I like to think she has a chipped tooth or smth like that from falling roughly as a kid.

Soniaa <33 in my heart she will always be tall and have at least some muscle. Novoselic is a war country if I remember correctly, she’s definitely got some military training in her.

Idk why but her with heterochromia just popped into my head. That pretty greenish blue gray that she has + maybe brown or hazel? I think that’d be cool. And hip dips.

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