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personalmoshiakh · 3 months

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hey, so— i’ve been ~officially writing a web serial since 2021 (unofficially, since at least 2014). Updates are currently very irregular, but i’m definitely still working on it!

✨🧿 THE BITTER DROP 🧿✨

modern fantasy romance about gay/trans Eastern Bloc Jews, set in a secondary world counterpart of early Soviet communes

The lounge is nearly empty tonight; all the action is downstairs at the grinding workshop — in the basement discotheque; you if I’m to have any hope of pulling, that’s where I ought to go but … ekh, I’m foggy tonight, between the psychosis and the laudanum for the pain what likes to haunt nefilim and the horse pills they made me take at the Mamka — nu okay, I skipped tonight’s dose so I can drink but like, neuroleptics don’t let go that quick — and as the brainfog settles on my thoughts, it turns to hoarfrost and my will seizes up like a rusty hinge.

Lev/Lyubov Morgenshtern, a queeny bigender flamer who’d once been one of the Pale’s youngest-ever ordained rabbonim, has just returned to the Talons Ghetto sovyet — an autonomous workers-and-peasants commune of the kind that directly preceded the Soviet Union (and indeed the thing that the USSR named itself after).

Lev is fresh off a stint on a psych ward that’d followed a far longer stint living in the tzarist-held half of Svet Dmitrin with a bougie respectability-obsessed ex-boyfriend — he’s got nowhere to sleep, no assurance her old friends, Red Guard and civilian both, would want to see them and the only workable plan she’s got is to find someone willing and soft-hearted to take him home for the night …

… and what luck if their rescuer, a medical necromancer by the name of Anzu Menelikov (Nyura to friends and lovers) is a beautiful trans flamer from a prominent rabbinical family! who better to welcome Lyubov home than a fellow hothouse flower and dedicated scholar? and does it matter if Nyura did anything the White Guard might still bear a grudge about? after all, most of the old Ghetto walls are still safely intact, and it’s not like Reb Doktor Menelikov personally set the Winter Palace on fire, right?

i’d say if you liked the Baru Cormorant series, Michael Chabon’s The Yiddish Policemen’s Union and Gentlemen of the Road, Fallen London and its associated games, China Miéville’s oeuvre, and Disco Elysium, this’d probably be your thing!

content warnings

(under the cut)

reclaimed homophobic slurs

the narrator has a history of psychiatric institutionalisation

homophobia, transphobia, transmisogyny and antisemitism are environmental hazards in the setting, though by far not the focus

#the bitter drop #web serial #web fiction #web novel #fiction #tell your friends #and tell me if you read it tbh

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ladyisak · 7 months

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[The Bitter Drop | Story Update] 1-001-06

Upon the worn cobblestones of Feldskver, our shpilkas strike a steady metronome beat. My head swims, with alcohol and with lust, and Nyura’s grip around my wrist, firm as a silver cuff, is mine only tether to Oylam HaZeh. I stumble after him, mine ankles leaden, my head full of haar. The night air cools me not, but the movement sends my blood back to my limbs, back to my head; back to the head what — at least like, in theory — stops to think before I go sticking it anywhere particularly adventurous.

The final scene of Chapter 001 is now up! Chapter 002 will start updating later this month.

#the bitter drop #web novel #web serial #gay literature #fantasy

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rosepompadour · 8 months

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She had a Sweetheart Pink lipstick mouth and a smile like sugar icing.

Eve Babitz, Eve's Hollywood

#just me sitting here waiting for previously unpublished eve books to magically drop from the sky #probably a better chance of that than ever getting more salinger (she said SUPER BITTERLY in a TOTALLY BITTER voice)#eve babitz #literature

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hoofpeet · 3 months

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I'd probably have to read the printed version and web version back to back at some point to note all the differences but... ough

#sorry i'm going to be excited about this comic for the next month #nofna #okay having finished this now--#and sorry if this doesn't make sense to anyone who's completely unfamiliar with this comic in advance-#the 'popcorn ending' (printed version) is nice to see but i think the web version hits harder. if that makes sense #so i'm kinda tied on which ending i 'prefer'- i think both are good though #also considering i've read the web version a good 4-5 times and the printed version only once- i probably can't make that judgement yet #easy answer- i do like Nutsedge :] so it's nice to see the ending where nothing bad happens to her #but also- NT suddenly becoming a greenie-esque villain out of nowhere felt a little jarring #as well as SV suddenly turning a corner and becoming a 'good guy' (arguable)- considering the first three books are about #/him being too stubborn to change or accept any outside worldviews . Him suddenly coming to his senses felt out of place #<- probably biased because i like characters being bitter to the end and ultimately destroyed by their own hubris #the web version is probably‚ objectively‚ a bit better #but -#(spoilers- if you're planning to drop ~70 bucks on getting these books)#the conceit of SV actually perfecting his style‚ using it once‚ and then immediately getting tooth-brained- was pretty cool #assuming it's meant to parallel him spending months tormented by trying to perfect it while something's still missing-#and then dying before he can narrate it to the audience‚ so that we never know what he figured out.#hard to articulate these thoughts but tl;dr- popcorn ending also had a lot to think about

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carouselcometh · 11 months

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The Glass Coffin Mocktail! In honor of my most beloved and favorite Saw trap 5ever :)

#my recipe #Okay so some tips is the lemon juice will taste less artificial if it is freshly squeezed #But thematically I think the artificial is better and I personally like it more #Sugared rim is optional but fun to sugar a rim you just get the glass wet and turn it around upside down in a little dish of sugad #Sugar but I’m not retyping that #Simple syrup is 1 part water 1 part sugar just boiled together in a pot #Club soda and tonic water are BASICALLY the same. Club soda is more sweet and tonic water is more bitter #They can be used interchangeably most of the time. This is one of those times #If you want to make it a COCKTAIL and not a mocktail it’s pretty much a lemon drop with extra steps so just go with vodka #This recipe image has less flair to it because this is a less. Well the flair is in the drink itself #I’m tagging this as #saw v #but that’s it for theming related tags #The grenadine is the blood going on the glass btw (the glass is the clear liquid base)

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stackslip · 27 days

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actually i do have something to say about this chapter and it's quite critical of it but also i'm tired tonight and i've been talking about it long and hard on discord already and putting it all together in a coherent post feels like too much of a task tonight. all i'm gonna say is that part 2 was very obviously going in a certain direction from the start, and i loved that direction, and to an extent it is still going in that direction but now very obviously missing a huge chunk of what stirred it in that direction. and i'm hesitant to simply say it's fujimoto that's dropped the ball on this (though it might the idealization, who's to say) because from the actual shape of the writing + slump in paneling/art + recent bitter interview by fujimoto + japanese audience is apparently vocally not a fan of asa + my own cursed knowledge of shounen jump and shueisha editors and how they react to a fall in sales = i think the lack of focus on asa has really hurt the themes of part 2 when she was an integral part of it + i think this wasn't entirely fujimoto's doing and it's very likely because she is apparently strongly disliked in japan and there's good reason to believe that fujimoto was told to not focus on her nearly as much bc sales slump and people complain as soon as she shows up. which sucks. becaue what made part 2 work as well as it did was the synergy and parallel between the two protagonists' paths, and the absence of asa's path in the past few months (both in universe and by real time in the comic) feels like a genuine writing and thematic and emotional hole in the comic that to me shows that she WAS supposed to be there. fujimoto had fully intended to write her in there bc there's a hole in the shape of her where she is very obviously supposed to fit. it isn't simply a question of "author forgets his female character" it's a question of "this crucial part of the manga is missing and the author is painfully aware of it and bitter about it too"

#eli talks #csm #this is still not coherent i'll make a more coherent version at one point.#anyhow this still worked for me even during the denji megafocus #bc it felt like the boomerang was gonna return and asa was gonna be back in her place #and we were gonna see the counterbalance to denji's focus #her own rise to fame and emotions during this and growth with yoru #her absorption into the church and its horrors; the love bombing and adulation she finally got #the emotions about chainsaw man as a character and growing more reliant on yoru #the bitter and dramatic fall and its immediate aftermath; reacting to losing her arm #instead we get a character who until now had been an intensely emotion-driven and passive character IMMEDIATELY thrust into action #and given v little insight into her thoughts and interiority #something is missing!#it's not like fujimoto had nothing planned for her. she was written so intently and well #and suddenly it's like she dropped out of existence #and suddenly the paneling got worse and the art got worse and the hiatuses worse #and we get an interview from fjmt where he talks bitterly about commercial expectations interfering with artistic intentions #and how he wishes he didn't have to draw aymore #a guy who talked about how he was obsessed with drawing!#idk maybe it's idealization but i feel like it's not hard to put two and two together here

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hanakihan · 2 months

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I like the idea of Corvo executing not physical but psychological torture on his targets

Like for example in Flooded District when Corvo escapes he doesn’t make himself known right away, it’s as if he really vanished. No one suspects anything (mostly expecting him still being around Flooded District ready to reach Daud as expected).

It’s tense, yes, but no one is murdered, choked out or disappeared.

Corvo is a master of observation and blending in. Corvo observes, listens, and changes his mask and behavior. Corvo played a perfect whaler. Corvo blended in with them perfectly, he wormed his way into their circle.

In span of a day Corvo played a perfect whaler, uncovering himself when they all least expected it, and while he’s not aggressive or violent, just standing here peacefully, almost relaxed, with absolutely tired face, they feel he’s dangerous. One wrong word or move and he’ll murder without second thoughts.

So all Corvo does is nicely asks for a key to get out of Flooded District, and pretty much for them to disappear from face of Dunwall, because next time to catches at least one of them at periphery of his eyes he’s personally hunting every single of them.

Corvo doesn’t want more bloodshed for this city his Empress loved, he doesn’t want it to be consumed by plague any more as it is, but he’s just a human, he’s tired, he’s so, so tired and angry and it takes all his willpower to stare in eyes of a murderer and not to become one himself.

Corvo takes the key from Daud’s hand, sends him one last tired warning stare and leaves to save his daughter and a crumbling empire. Corvo’s hands are completely clean unlike Daud’s, and it takes everything not to paint his into same red.

But that doesn’t mean he can’t torture people with their own minds.

#dishonored #corvo attano #daud #whalers #my headcanon for low chaos Corvo is that #he’s so fucking tired and angry and bitter and REALLY wants to murder someone #but he’s still tired and sees the city dying and knows that drowning it in blood isn’t smth Jessamine would’ve wanted #man literally struggles keeping his murdering thoughts in check #it’s like high chaos Corvo mindset in low chaos play style one #let’s be real Corvo ain’t completely sane after what happened that day #losing his love forever his daughter was kidnapped and god knows where and he spend unforgettable 6 months in prison being tortured #corvo doesn’t want or believes in Daud’s excuses and yada yada he wants a fucking key and not to see them ever #/then Daud somehow becomes spymaster and it takes all corvo’s willpower not to strangle him on sight #don’t worry just unhinged Corvo probably having an episode where he attacks Daud because he’s tired of keeping himself in check #and Daud duels him until Corvo just drops tired and barely conscious from adrenaline and mana drain

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grelle-sutcliff-propaganda · 11 months

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#grell sutcliff #kuroshitsuji #black butler #yana toboso #grelle sutcliff #official art #bitter rabbit #vincent phantomhive #this dropped earlier today!!#i have no words im just staring at her #shes so vibrant i love her

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owlyflufff · 3 months

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haikyu's dumpster batte is only going to be around 1 hour and 24 minutes, oh it's genuinely bokuakaover

#knowing that we're likely not going to get an ova too is painful <//3 #m sorry to go off on a bit of a tangent #but I can't help but feel bitter that an actually good series with coherence and amazing characters just gets treated like this #and series like jjk and demon slayer get to have such good adaptations?#I don't hate both series btw as I watch them myself but even I have more criticisms in their story and charas compared to hq #jjk at this rate is being carried by satosugu shippers and popularity the story honestly is slowly losing substance :'DD #and it's disappointing such a series manages to get to have a consistent adaptation vs a good and inspiring story #which is why I can't help but feel <//3 whenever ppl rant about the jjk animation cause it's better than the hq treatment TvT #don't get me started on demon slayer I have mixed feelings about that series as well but I love it for what it's worth xD #and if people say the hq fandom is being bitter or biased isn't it justifiable?#a consistent and amazing narrative gets butchered me thinks people have a right to feel the way they do #naturally the fandom is not downplaying the efforts of the animators and voice actors but we also have a right to feel the way we do #we feel the way we do out of genuine love for a series that inspired and helped us so much #it's just so unfair TvT #m terribly sorry again for ranting and dropping negativity but I feel really disheartened about this news #and not simply cause ofc we won't get the bokuaka match #but also because my favorite series doesn't deserve this #eli rambles #bokuaka #haikyu #haikyuu #haikyu!!#hq

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ladyisak · 8 months

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[The Bitter Drop | Story Update] 1-001-05

On the tram-stop shelter’s other side, a mere metre from us, a vast concrete pillar rises, an overgrown bollard with charging sockets marching up one side, like the seam on a silk stocking — a Litfaß charging column, a hub to recharge the kitchen batteries, stuck all over with posters bright and informational and sometimes relevant. This one’s out of service: the sockets are muzzled, blindfolded by wooden outlet covers painted a sickening slick yellow-green. The paint is chipped, the bare wood revealed thus weathered; the whitewash peering bleakly in the gaps between poster edges is greying, smog-stained — the column’s been mere decoration for some time.

So, ah. I completely forgot to post about the story update here — so there you go. The next scene is going up soon, hopefully.

#the bitter drop #web serial #web novel #web fiction #writers on tumblr

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m1d-45 · 1 year

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Occasionally I’d play music in the background while playing the game. Now on this fine day, I’ve played ‘The Plagues’ from the prince of Egypt. I have a certain two brothers on my team. One of them being my main, Kaeya. “This seems too familiar,” I said aloud. In SAGAU, what would their reactions be?

plagued

a/n: voidless, words cannot describe the jealousy i feel knowing you are a diluc haver. also, i had kinda a hard time with this one, so let me know if this isn’t what you wanted!

word count: ~2k (the song itself is abt. 300)

-> warnings: major spoilers for kaeya and diluc lore, biblical references (quotes from the song are used, which itself is an interpretation of the bible), the brothers think you’re the ‘lord’ being referenced, heavy angst, this got so sad so quickly—

-> lowercase intended!

< masterlist >

taglist: @samarill || @thenyxsky

i don’t think it would register the first 10 seconds or so. they might be interested from the haunted whispers, or wonder how your device managed to capture a choir. they would pause on ‘this saith the lord’ but would get over it quickly. naturally, they would assume it was referring to you, and everything after carries a bit more weight. what if it was a command of yours?

‘Since you refuse to free my people

All through the land of Egypt’

they’d be curious about where ‘egypt’ was, and whether or not you lived there. why were the people captured? were they prisoners of war? they knew how deadly a fight between gods could be- was your world in the midst of war?

‘I send a pestilence and plague

Into your house, into your bed

Into your streams, into your streets

Into your drink, into your bread’

all of a sudden very worried. they’re gonna assume the worst case scenario and worry that you’re suffering through a plague. diluc’s making plans to offer more food the next time he has dinner at the manor, and kaeya’s concerned you might get sick from the poisoned food. they don’t have the most advanced medicine, and certainly not medicine fit for a god.

‘Upon your cattle, on your sheep

Upon your oxen in your field

Into your dreams, into your sleep

Until you break, until you yield’

this will give them pause, if only until they think it over. cattle? ‘oxen’? how could your world be so advanced as to have a device to peer into theirs and yet rely on these animals? they quickly get ahold of it though, don’t worry: naturally, your device was a holy item, only to be used by you, a god. it made sense that the people you ruled over would rely on cows and sheep to live. but then.. was this song one of warning? warning whoever the other party was of your divine retribution?

it makes more sense to diluc than it does kaeya.

’I send the swarm, I send the horde

Thus saith the Lord’

this only cements in their minds that it’s a song of warning. your people there must call you their lord—it made sense, perhaps they should adopt it?—and you were threatening to send a swarm of… something. they hoped they would never have to know. the haunting beauty of the chant is not something they’re keen on ever experiencing.

‘Once I called you brother

Once I thought the chance to make you laugh

Was all I ever wanted’

this hurts.

badly.

horribly, an ache immediately burning their chests. the tired, saddened voice of the brother will echo inside of kaeya’s head, likely long past whenever the song ends, and diluc’s tripping—literally, if you’re mid-battle his model will freeze in place for a few moments—over the realization that this is a hymn meant for brothers.

they refuse to meet each others eyes, each focused on the task you’ve given them. the other members of your party look away, giving them space even if they’re not the type to usually do so. i ask that you leave the brothers off-field, as they’ll surely be delayed in following your commands and will likely get hurt because of it.

’I send the thunder from the sky

I send the fire raining down’

the eerie enactment of your voice suddenly carries so much more weight. in your world, at some point, two brothers had fought over ‘egypt’, and you had sent down plagues in punishment. surely you knew this, right? was this a warning to them? were you angry with them?

’And even now I wish that god had chose another

Serving as your foe on his behalf

Is the last thing that I wanted’

you can’t see it due to the camera being permanently set behind the character—provided he’s on the field—and diluc certainly can’t, since they’re facing away from each other, but kaeya’s eyes are quickly turning glassy. it hurts, the weight of his promise to khaenri’ah, to his father—to both of his fathers—manifesting as a hollow ache in his chest. it’s getting harder to breathe through the block in his throat, and he wonders if you’re intentionally playing this because of him. it wouldn’t be so surprising; he knows he’s not the best or the most devoted, he knows that you likely look down on his lying and secrecy, he knows, he does, but please don’t remind him of it. it already haunts him when he tries to sleep.

‘I send a hail of burning ice

On every field, on every town’

diluc has a better handle on his expressions—read: he’s better at suppressing them—but anybody who looked could see he was distressed. his jaw is tense, every muscle in his body taught. he didn’t move an inch when he was off-field, and he relied heavily on the binds of your device to move him on-field. he feels like a live wire, buzzing with energy and yet no way to vent it. he can’t cope with these feelings the same way he normally would, he can’t throw himself into paperwork or into battle. he can’t stomp through mondstat’s plains, he can’t call flame to his fingertips and burn out the pain. your presence, the heavy air of divinity around him, barely does anything to soothe the ache. if anything, it only burns brighter.

‘This was my home

All this pain and devastation

How it tortures me inside

All the innocent who suffer

From your stubbornness and pride’

oh.

it’s like the words were handcrafted, bent into a hook and cast on a line that swiftly caught kaeya’s soul. he tries to remind himself that it’s not about him, it’s not about diluc and it’s not about khaenri’ah and it’s not about crepus, it’s about some nation in your world called ‘egypt’-

he can’t. the words resonate with his very essence, the core of his being shaking alongside the swelling music and tragic melodies. he feels like a glass in the hand of an opera singer, quivering in place and unable to move an inch, just waiting for the right frequency to make him shatter.

as he chokes on his own air, he wonders why you played this song specifically. did you know how much it would rip him apart? did you realize how much it hurt, to see himself reflected in its lyrics? did you know that it would send him back to his youth, did you want him to relive that pain?

over the turmoil, he can hear your voice. “this seems too familiar..”

so you were aware.

he supposed he deserved it.

’I send the locusts on a wind

Such as the world has never seen

On every leaf, on every stalk

Until there's nothing left of green’

diluc also caught your little comment, and he might have laughed would it not have come out watery. of course you knew. of course you chose this song specifically. of course you put him on the team with your beloved, of course you made him work with his brother, the one you’ve poured the most of your time and effort into. of course. of course. this was all just a jab at him, wasn’t it? perhaps he was being a touch self-centered in that assessment, but really, it wasn’t that far-fetched. he knew his brother was your favorite. he knew that, despite his own feelings about him, your opinion stood higher than any other. no matter how hard he tried, he would always fall to second place.

it made sense that you wanted to remind him.

’I send my scourge, I send my sword

Thus saith the Lord

You who I called brother

Why must you call down another blow?’

cryo vision or not, kaeya’s skin is burning. his heart is thundering at twice the pace it should, his skin flushed with both blood and embarrassment. he couldn’t help but feel like you were directing this at him specifically, like you had picked this song specifically to get under his skin. he didn’t doubt that diluc was affected as well—time apart didn’t change either of their habits—but didn’t dare to look over. surely, if he saw how disheveled mondstat’s cavalry captain had become after a simple few verses, his words would once more line with fire and flame. he knew his brother resented his position as the one in your favor, but now, with this further context…

it feels like you only picked him to fix him.

‘I send my scourge, I send my sword

Let my people go

Thus saith the Lord

Thus saith the Lord’

dilucs mind is racing, trying to pick out the meaning behind the song. it’s a tale of two brothers, that’s obvious enough, and it’s clear you mean for a parallel to be found between those sung about and him and kaeya. maybe- maybe if he can find it, if he can find the message you want them to learn, he can act on it and maybe he could fix whatever you hated so much about their relationship. he wanted to, desperately, because surely there was a reason you chose to play this with them on your team. there had to be meaning in this, there had to be a reason you insisted on placing him besides his brother even when you made it clear which you favored, there had to be a way to fix whatever he did to anger you. he refused to believe otherwise.

‘You who I called brother

How could you have come to hate me so?

Is this what you wanted?’

no, no, it wasn’t, kaeya never meant for this wedge between them to drive so deep, the chasm that separated the two brothers was never meant to be deeper than his pinky was long. he wanted to reconcile, he wanted to reconnect, this was never what he wanted, he never meant to dissolve his relationship with his brother like this. there were days he spent at the bar, bottle in hand and filled with regret over his decisions, wishing for anything to fix it. he would never want this. but of course, as always, your omnipotent presence dared to accuse what mortal men could never speak.

‘I send the swarm, I send the horde

Then let my heart be hardened

And never mind how high the cost may grow

This will still be so’

diluc’s eyes close, his thoughts a swirling mix of the words he’s hearing and memories of stormy nights. memories of blood on his hands and the glinting light of a fatui insignia burn behind his eyes, the implications of your playing this song knowing that it resonated with the two of them lost in the chaos. his mind echoes words back at him, an apparition only there to eat at him. ‘never mind how high the cost may grow,’ it spits, taunting, and he doesn’t have the energy to retaliate. why would he? hes in no place to protest, not when it’s right.

’I will never let your people go

Thus saith the Lord

I will not-‘

they ask that you never play this song again.

‘Let your (my) people go’

#voidless has EXCELLENT taste by the way. this is a banger #genshin sagau #sagau #genshin #genshin impact #self aware genshin #sagau kaeya #sagau diluc #words cannot describe how much i wish i had a diluc ughhhhh #i have his artifacts i have his talent things i have his boss drops i have a weapon i have everything BUT A DILUC >:(#*sad in jean and C1 mona*#and KAEYA? i have a c1 lisa and c1 amber #neither of which i use. i’ve built my kaeya so well but nope #don’t deserve a constellation. 4blizzard 7-7-7 talents and lvl 90 means nothing ig #bitter.#kaeya angst #diluc angst #what is love but making those you cherish suffer?#cw: religious themes #cw: religion #< tagging that on this one because it explicitly references the christian bible #then again i AM a sagau writer so…..#future me here saying: i have a diluc now!!!!! very cool!!!!#(but at what cost……)

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