#the bau gets one like every fucking season
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Emily: You know what? Let’s give it a go. What’s the worst that could happen?
Spencer: Humiliation, embarrassment, fire, explosions, collisions, tears, nudity and death.
#these all have happened to him !#including nudity when he was like poisoned with anthrax or wtv#heavy on explosions tho#the bau gets one like every fucking season#cm incorrect quotes#criminal minds incorrect quotes#incorrect criminal minds#incorrect criminal minds quotes#criminal minds#spencer reid#emily prentiss
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I CAN SEE YOU | Spencer Reid x FBI!Reader
Request: Congrats on 2k!!! Could you write something based off of ‘I can see you’ by Taylor Swift with Spencer please?
Description: Spencer may or may not have a little thing for the desk jockey on the floor below, and she may or may not have a thing for their silent elevator rides together.
Length: 1.2k
Warnings: fluff?? Season one Spencer in mind when I wrote this (my sweetest boy)
He passed through the lobby at the exact same time every day. Usually with his head dug in an obnoxiously thick book, or fiddling with the strap on his satchel bag, or flicking his long curls out of his sweet, hazelnut eyes. Sometimes with thick round glasses perched on his slender nose, sometimes nothing but a thoughtful, musing frown.
Not that she was obsessed with him.
But it wasn’t hard to acknowledge that whoever the guy on the sixth floor was that seemed to stick to an incredibly tight schedule had the face of a god.
Though she supposed he could say the same about her schedule seeing as they seemed to enter the elevator at nearly the exact same time every single day, never saying a word, a brief nod of hello was about the extent of their interaction. One time he had pressed the button for her floor, number five, for her, and she hadn’t stopped smiling the rest of the day.
Of course there were times he and his team would be away on a case, in which she wouldn’t see him for days on end, while she went to her lonely desk in forensics no matter what case had come up.
In the grand scheme of things, she was a desk jockey, inputting numbers and data and figures, organising files and sheets and loading ink into the printer. She was a nobody and he was part of the BAU.
No one would even notice if she didn’t show up for the day. At least that was what she hoped as she sped walked out of the cab, her hair soaking down her back, her lungs puffing in a crackling wheeze, frantically tucking her tight shirt into her dogtooth pants, limping on her ankle that she’d rolled racing out her apartment building into the raging storm that had overcome Virginia in a matter of hours.
She felt socks wet through as she squelched her way into the elevator, barely noticing the usual passenger that was tracing a bony finger down the page of Pride and Prejudice, quickly flicking over the page in a matter of five seconds.
He looked up when she hopped in beside him, squeezing in as a handful of other people followed her. Trying desperately to even her hair out in the large mirror behind them, it was only then she realised her mascara had smudged down her cheeks entirely, making her look like she’d slept in a pile of charcoal.
“Fuck,” She said loudly, her hand slapping over her mouth when she realise the deadly silent elevator full of federal agents turned to look at her, and she felt her cheeks heat as if her makeup condundrum hadn’t been embarrassing enough, “S-sorry,” She muttered, turning her head to the ground as she frantically wiped beneath her lids with her cardigan sleeve.
Turning to see if he had noticed, she caught him staring right at her, and she could have sworn the heat on her face blazed even harder when she saw he was smiling into his book in amusement.
Fuck. She repeated in her head this time, taking a small sigh of relief when the doors opened on the first floor and half the passengers trickled out onto the finance floor.
She was still fixing her hair by the time they got to the second floor, communications, and even more people got out. By the end of the third floor, it was just the two of them left.
“Bad morning?” He broke the silence, and it was the first time she’d ever actually heard his voice. He was even dreamier than she’d thought, in a boyish kind of way.
“Car battery died, and the bus was full,” She murmured, fiddling with the hem of her sleeves that were entirely sodden, “And then apparently someone up there hates to see pretty girls get to work looking dry and respectable,”
He chuckled properly, and she swore it soothed the ache of the cold rain just the smallest bit.
“Don’t we all,” He mused, though his eyes went back to his book, flicking over the words faster than she figured would be possible.
She figured he didn’t want to be bothered by the drowned rat looking woman that had all but thrown herself into the lift beside him, interrupting his reading with her curses and pitiful glances.
It was only when they reached the fourth floor that he quickly rooted around his bag for something, likely a bookmark since he didn’t seem the type to dog-ear a perfectly neat page. It wasn’t until a soft, moss green sweater was thrust in her face she snapped out of her self loathing daze.
Looking at him wide eyed, he nudged it towards her hands, and it was like Spencer only just realised that offering a stranger your clothes was perhaps not normal, but he didn’t feel like they were strangers.
She was the first person he’d ever met in the building besides Gideon. He remembered the two of them stepping into the elevator, the bashful woman already flicking through files, her lanyard hanging low over her chest as she chirped good morning to Gideon and he did the same, wishing her a good day when she stepped out onto floor five.
He couldn’t help if he was so perceptive he’d clocked her name and position written on her ID, couldn’t help it if he was a huge fan of routine and repetition, that he purposely walked into the lobby at the same time every day knowing she was going to be right behind him just for an excuse to see her.
No, they certainly weren’t strangers, Spencer tried to reason, yet he wasn’t even sure she knew his name.
“T-take it,” He stuttered, watching the doors close and the lift jolt as it ascended to her floor, “You can just bring it back tomorrow,”
“That’s- I couldn’t,” She reasoned, her eyes fretful, “It’s yours,”
“I’m not using it, you must be freezing,” Spencer reiterated it with another nudge towards her, and he saw the longing glance she gave at the promise of warmth.
Number five dinged above them, and the doors slid open.
“Just take it, please,” He said, and it seemed like that was the magic word as she cautiously took it out of his hand, and melted when she realised it was softer than she’d thought, like it was made to feel like a giant hug.
“Thankyou…” She said, heading for the doors with slow steps; she didn’t want to leave whatever moment he’d caught her in.
“Spencer,” He replied, smiling at her with a shy cadence.
“Thankyou, Spencer,” She said, and gave him her own name back. But he already knew it, and he realised he would sound like a complete creepy stalker if he’d said so. So he just nodded, a small wave off as she headed for her office and the doors closed behind her.
He loved how she said his name, he thought blissfully, but he loved even more showing up to work day after to see her waiting by the elevator, his sweater washed and ironed, pressed neatly in her hands and still warm from where she’d tumble dried it.
She handed it back to him with a sheepish smile, and he took it gracefully, catching a whiff of her fabric softener and felt fuzzy inside right there and then.
“Good morning, Spencer,” She said sweetly, and he swore he wanted to kiss her the minute it left her lips, glossed with something rouge and shiny.
But he didn’t, he just said it back, loving how her name rolled over his tongue.
#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid imagine#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds fic#matthew grey gubler x reader
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meant to be
Spencer trying and failing to flirt with you because you are oblivious to his attempts.
spencer reid x reader
i picture this as later seasons spencer maybe sometime around 12-14?
some mature themes mentions of sex at the end so 18+
writing this because i saw something about people who are bad at flirting and that’s literally me. (i hope ppl get the reference w the nickname)
Spencer had tried every day to get your attention romantically. It didn’t work. Nothing did. You were so oblivious to all of his flirting attempts. He figured maybe you had trouble understanding so he worked harder to make you think of him as more than a friend. He tried everything his genius brain could come up with.
He even made up a nickname for you, Bean, because you always had a coffee in your hand, and because he was taller than you.
Today you were getting coffee with him as usual. At your favorite coffee shop and library. You didn’t work at the BAU so you would eventually have to go to your own job so Spencer decided to try again.
Since you lived in the same building, neighbors in the same hall, he picked you up every morning. Drove you to get coffee and you each picked a book for each other and then he drove you to work.
He knocks on your door awaiting anxiously. You come out in your outfit, just a t shirt and jeans. you didn’t have a dress code at your job, you were an author and usually went into a nice office that the publishing company provided to write since you had a hard time focusing in your apartment. Too many distractions.
In Spencer’s car you make small talk as he tries to think of a way to flirt with you. Normally he’d call Morgan but his son was a toddler now so he was busy. He gets so lost in his head he doesn’t realize he just ran a stop sign on accident and almost hit someone.
He hears you yell “Spencer what the fuck!” and slams the brakes. The other car honks and his heart is pounding in his brain. He pulls to the side of the road and stops.
“Spencer. Breathe. It’s ok.” You worry tracing your face at the sight of his extremely fast breathing and you rub his back reassuringly.
“Holy shit.” He barely chokes out. His face is beet red and he looks like he’s about to have a panic attack.
“Switch.” You tell him. He looks at you and feels comforted immediately by your face. “Let’s go, switch.” You get out of the car and switch sides.
‘So much for flirting’ he thinks. Then it hits him. When he picks your book for the day, he’ll give you a romantic story. Something that says ‘I really like you but I’m an idiot so I don’t know how to tell you but i’m not actually an idiot because im technically a genius but my fucked up life has ruined romance for me but i’d love to try it with you if you are okay with that.’
When you take over driving you don’t talk. You just focus on the road. You had even turned the music off. He hopes you’re not upset with him. That thought quickly dissipates when you pull into the parking lot and your face is beaming. You both race to the entrance and he gets there first and opens the door for you. You stick your tongue out at him and he smirks.
You order your usual drinks and he gets himself a breakfast bagel and you get a croissant. He puts the food at a table and you both get up to grab each other a book. You had yours picked since last night, The Godfather. It’s only a little over 400 pages so he’ll probably finish it by lunch time but at least it will be fun for him since it will make him think of you. At least you hope it does.
You have a habit of making funny commentary during movie nights. When you watched ‘The Godfather’ trilogy with Spencer he had laughed so hard he cried.
Meanwhile Spencer is searching rows of books looking for the right one. He moves to poetry but nothing feels right. He feels slightly frustrated so he moves back to classics and picks ‘A Little Princess’ instead. A favorite of yours you had read in elementary school. Not romantic but shows he knows you well.
When he makes his way back to the register to check the book out, you’re already seated munching your croissant. He makes his way to you and hides the book behind his back. You discreetly pull yours out of your bag and hide it the same way.
“1,2,3!” You both count at the same time and then reveal your books. Spencer cracks up when he sees the book you had picked. He had read this before but he enjoyed it because it reminded him of you. You both eat and finish your coffees. You look at each other.
“More?” Spencer asks.
“Obviously.” You answer. You both stand up and order more coffee.
Back in Spencer’s car you open the book and start reading. He’s about to put the key in the ignition when sudden confidence hits him. He doesn’t know if it’s the caffeine but he doesn’t care. He should kiss you right now. He stares at you until you look up.
“You’re going to be late for work if you don’t start that engine up soon Mr. Chauffeur.” You tease him.
He leans closer and puckers his lips slightly. He’s so filled with lust he just can’t wait anymore.
You look at him strangely. Was he trying to kiss you right now? Probably not. Truth was you were always so filled with doubt whenever you liked someone. Especially Spencer. He was just too handsome and sweet and perfect.
He leans in even closer to you and tilts his head. You, however, had gone back to your book and weren’t even looking at him.
“Does this make you uncomfortable” Spencer leans in closer. He closes his eyes and you lean down to reach for something from your bag. He doesn’t feel your soft lips on his and thinks he may have missed your face. He opens his eyes.
“Everything does. I have anxiety Spencer. All the time anywhere day and night. ” You reply while eating a yogurt you had found in your tote.
Spencer pulls away and smacks his forehead. He starts the car and drops you at your work and drives to the BAU feeling defeated. What would it take for you to realize how bad he wants you.
That night he decides to drop by your apartment. You had gotten a ride home from work by a friend tonight. He opens his door and walks the short distance to yours.
When his hand knocks on your door he feels nervous. You open the door and greet him.
“Hi!” You cheer.
“Hey, I was gonna order a pizza. You want?” He lies. He actually wasn’t the biggest fan of pizza. He didn’t eat it too often but it was your favorite food so why not.
“That would be great. I’m starving.” You clutch your belly dramatically. Which makes Spencer laugh.
He picks up the phone, “What would you like on the pizza m’lady.”
You tap your chin and think. “Sausage.” You reply. Spencer thinks of a way to flirt. Kind of.
“How much sausage would you like?” He asks smirking.
“Uhh, 5? I don’t know dude. The normal amount that goes on a pizza?” You answer sarcastically, going to your dvd rack to pick a movie. Spencer sighs. He calls and places the order and helps you pick a movie.
“How about ‘How To Be A Serial Killer?’ That’s a good one. I love Matthew Gray Gubler in this one so much.” You fan girl a little.
“Who the fuck is Matthew Gray Gubler? Also, no, not with my line of work. I need a break from that.” Spencer asks with a hint of jealousy in his voice. You clasp your hand over your heart dramatically.
“Ok, fine. how about a Disney Classic? Sleeping Beauty is my favorite.” You ask. Spencer nods. You put the movie on and grab two root beers from your fridge. Spencer thanks you when you hand him one and you lay a big fluffy blanket over you both. Not far into the movie the pizza arrives and you cheers Spencer with your pizza slice.
After you both eat and are full the movie is still on. You’re starting to feel sleepier by the second. Spencer offers you to lay with him and you take him up on it. He’s basically a giant teddy bear. He’s so warm and comfortable.
“I’ve got a real life sleeping beauty right here.” He whispers to you. You smile with your eyes closed. Too sleepy to open. He gets out from under you, to your dismay. He cleans up the trash from eating. He even washes some dishes you had left sitting. When he comes back, you’re still half awake. He sees you sneak an eye open to look at him and your smile after.
“It seems there’s a fair maiden who has fallen asleep. However can we wake her? What if she sleeps for a hundred years?!” He exclaims. You start giggling softly. He leans closer to observe you.
“I don’t believe it! She’s laughing in her sleep! Must be quite a funny dream. Wonder what it is. Only one way to find out.” He gently leans down and kisses your lips softly. This action puts you in shock and you’re blushing. He starts to pull away because doubts fill his mind. You grab his hair and pull him back in.
You both pull back and he starts to ask you,
“Were you ok with that?”
You cut him off, “Yes.” Then you rip your shirt off. Spencer’s in shock. He follows your lead and starts undressing. He picks you up and carries you to your bedroom. The kiss you’re sharing is deepening by the second.
“Fuck why is it so hot in here.” You complain.
“I can think of a few reasons.” Spencer had been kissing you on your neck sucking the skin softly. He lays you back on the bed. He makes you comfortable. He goes down on you and then fucks you like you’ve never been fucked before.
The next morning you woke up naked next to him flashes of last night replaying. You couldn’t believe it. Spencer was so passionate! You didn’t even imagine he liked you like that.
He groans next to you and turns over. You get up and put on some coffee. When you come back into the bedroom he’s awake and looking for you.
“Hey, coffee’s ready.” You lean over and kiss him. He groans too tired to give an answer. He pulls you into the bed and holds you longer.
With him, this felt so easy and realistic.
Then you realize something.
This was meant to be.
the end ♡
to anyone who read this far: hope u enjoyed reading!! please let me know if u enjoyed! xoxo
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I’d Like to Think That You Would Stick Around | s6
pairing: aaron hotchner x childhood bsf!reader
summary: Hotch and his childhood best friend working together at the BAU: a slow burn across the seasons.
word count: 15.5k
warnings: SMUT, oral (m!receiving), masturbation, canon!typical violence, mentions of abuse, mentions of death, guns, drinking, angst, specific episodes mentioned in this part are 6x06, 6x08, 6x17, and 6x18.
a/n: Sorry for the long wait guys, school has been kicking my ass, but here's the next part! We're getting a lot of angst this chapter, but we're so so close to the good times ;) Hope you enjoy! Title is from Love Song by Lana Del Rey
series masterlist
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
You are talking to Prentiss across the bullpen, laughing about something he can't hear, and he's freaking out. He shouldn't have left that night. He knows that. He just didn't know what else to do.
Never mind the fact that he has no idea how much you remember.
When you bumped into him on the way out of the elevator this morning, he swears you jumped back, but then you smiled at him, and he was able to convince himself that it was all fine. So why does it still feel like you are avoiding him?
He can still picture the dark expanse of your pupils as you leaned in closer after stumbling into him; he can still feel the rush of your breath as your gaze met his and his fingers tightened on your hip.
He walks into his office, before sitting at his desk and dropping his head into his hands. His blinds are just shut enough that no one from down in the bullpen can see into his office, and he welcomes the privacy as he rubs a hand over his face and forces his eyes away from the photograph of the two of you on his desk.
'Aaron...'
Your voice had sounded so soft, so hurt-
He shuts his eyes again and tries to think about anything else (maybe even the paperwork he's supposed to have been doing for an hour now) but every time he blinks, he sees your face again.
He has suspected the shift in your feelings for a little while now, but that night at the bar confirmed something he isn't sure he's ready to handle. He feels it too - of course he does - but he can't think about it. He can't.
He's floundering with Jack, with trying to be there for both him and the team, and he just lost Haley. God, he just lost Haley, and the idea of losing you too because he fucks it up just like he did with her is unimaginable. They were together for decades - they had a child together - and still he couldn't give her what she needed. Your friendship means everything to him, and if he does something to ruin your relationship too, he wouldn't be able to live with himself.
He glances out his window and sees you still talking to Emily, both of your heads now bent down to look at an open case file. She says something to you, and your face lights up as you grin at her. Something that feels like lava pools in his gut and he swallows thickly as he turns back to his paperwork.
***
You head back to your desk and drop the case file down as you resist the urge to glance up at his office window. He hasn't looked at you once today, and you can't help it as your mind goes to the worst case scenario of losing him forever because of one stupid moment.
You had considered pretending that you don't remember anything from the bar, but he just left you there. That isn't something you can forget so easily, and even as you're trying to ignore it, you don't want to avoid him. But it isn't that simple.
You're simultaneously hurt and embarrassed, but it isn't even your own feelings that are at the forefront of your mind. You haven't been to his place in over a week, and you miss Jack and you miss him. You haven't gone this long without talking to him in years.
Fuck.
***
Your quest to stay out of trouble results in you staying late at the office to get ahead on all of your work. Most nights you were staying even later than JJ and Aaron, but then JJ got sent to the DoD as a media liaison, and the work started piling up.
You did what you could to intercept some of the paperwork before it landed on his desk, especially since Jack was so close to starting preschool and you know Aaron wants to take any extra moment of face time he can get, but it wasn't a foolproof system.
That's why it's almost midnight after getting back from a case in Ohio, and Aaron's office light is still on. Knowing it's about time you broke the cone of silence you've been under, you walk up the stairs, giving yourself ample time to change your mind.
A minute later, you knock on his door, before pushing it open gently, waiting to see the look on his face.
"Oh, you're still here," he says, his eyes lingering on you for an extra moment before turning back to his work. "Come in."
You shut the door behind you and sit in the chair in front of his desk. It doesn't sink like it usually does, and it takes you a second to realize that he finally replaced it. After all this time...
"Are you heading home soon?" you ask, trying to feign nonchalance. You can't remember the last time you overthought every single thing you said to him.
Yes, you do, your brain mocks you. A film reel of your awkward senior year of high school starts playing in your mind and one lone thought sticks out among the cacophony of memories. You loved him.
"Yeah, I'm almost done," he says with a sigh, his eyes still trained on his paper.
You frown. "Really?"
"No."
That surprises a chuckle out of you and you lean forward in the chair. It's stiffer than you're used to, and it creaks as you slide in closer. "Want any help?"
He shakes his head. "You should head home. It's late."
You don't say anything and when he finally meets your eye, you shoot him a look.
He sighs, begrudgingly handing you a stack of files. "With JJ gone, it's been a little hectic. I have to go through the new cases coming in, as well as completing the post-case paperwork."
"Shit," you whisper, not knowing what else to say. Even as you tried to cut down his workload, it wasn't even scratching the surface. "I didn't realize that was all on you."
"Yeah, for the time being," he shrugs, raking a hand through his hair to push it back, even as it bounces right back into place. "But it'll be easier when they bring us someone new."
That stops you in your tracks. "How new? Because you know I really liked Jordan, but she was too green for the BAU."
"Newer," he says, his voice tinged with amusement. "They're considering some Academy cadets who are finishing up their remedial training."
"Cadets?" you echo, your voice rising an octave. "They're babies."
"They're at least 25," he states, the corner of his lip twitching. "Besides, their remedial training would have been with the BAU, so they'll know what they're getting into."
They'll know what they're getting into.
It's not a dig, but the juvenile corner of your brain hangs onto his words, trying to make out some double meaning.
"That's some relief, I guess." You flip open the first file, trying to pay attention as you scan the brief, but it just reminds you of how much you miss JJ.
"She was so much better at this," you groan, flipping the page. "I'm not sure anyone can replace her."
"I'm definitely sure that no one can," Aaron says simply as he glances up at you, "but we'll take any help we can get at this point."
There's a layer of subtext behind his tone, and you don't know if you're equipped to decipher it right now, after being up for almost 24 hours. Nevertheless, you don't give in as he looks at you, refusing to break eye contact.
Please be okay, your mind begs as the corners of his eyes crinkle. Please say I didn't fuck this all up.
His eyebrows raise slightly, checking in on you for the first time in so so long, and another thought takes over your mind. I love you, I love you, I love you.
Blinking away the thought, you nod, but you can't stop yourself as you clarify, "It's just a temp assignment, right?"
He finishes the sentence he was writing before looking up. "Yes. It's only temporary."
***
"Daddy, don't look at me."
Jack's voice filters out from his bedroom and he looks at Jess with a small laugh as she pretends to lock her lips and toss away the key.
"I'm not looking," he calls out. "Are you almost ready?"
There's a small sound of affirmation from down the hall, so he stands up from the couch and reaches for the little jack-o-lantern bag that Jack wanted to use for trick-or-treating.
When he looks up, his son is emerging from his room, dressed incredibly unlike the comic book character he wanted to be for Halloween.
"Whoa," Aaron says, his voice a low rumble. "That is definitely not Spider-Man."
Jack just shrugs. "He's not a real superhero."
"He's not?" He looks at his son again, trying to discern which superhero wears a suit. "Okay. I give up. Who are you supposed to be?"
The answer is immediate. "I'm you, Daddy."
Jess nudges his shoulder with a laugh before she walks forward and swings Jack into the air. "You look just like him, bud!"
He opens his mouth to add onto that sentiment, but his throat thickens with emotion and he has to clear his throat to get a word out. "You tied my tie so well." It's the best he can do with his eyes burning. All he wanted was for his son to feel safe and loved. Maybe I'm doing something right.
"Alright, buddy," Jess smiles, setting him down. "Grab your coat and shoes and we'll head out."
Jack runs off and she smiles at him again, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're a great dad."
"Thank you," he says simply, his lips curving up into a smile. She says it a lot, but for the first time in a while, he's finally starting to believe it.
Jess opens her mouth to say something, but she pauses for an extra second, piquing his interest. "I haven't seen Y/N around here in a little bit."
There it is. He should've seen it coming. "Yeah, she's just busy."
His words don't sound convincing, even to his own ears, and Jess shoots him a look to match. "I happen to know you quite well, Aaron. So if you're overthinking something you shouldn't be, let me be the first to say, you're being an idiot."
He lets out a surprised snort. "Thanks, Jessica."
"I'm just saying," she shrugs, tucking a strand of curly hair behind her ear. "I see things...and I know both of you, so it's not hard to read into things."
He takes a deep breath, pushing his hair back from his forehead. "It's not like that."
He expects her to push back, but she just presses her lips together and shrugs her coat on. "Either way, Haley saw it too...and she seemed happy about it."
Before he has a chance to fully process her words, Jack rushes out, barreling into him. "I'm ready!"
"Alright, my little G-man," he grins, pushing her words out of his head for the night. "Let's go get some candy."
***
Things have been shifting at the office. Ever since JJ left, the team has felt smaller, and with your unintentional (okay, maybe a little intentional) avoidance of Aaron, the office hasn't felt the same in a long time.
Everyone has been taking on more than they're used to, and when Penelope had to fill in for JJ in a press conference during your last case, you couldn't help but notice how she turned to Aaron for support whenever she felt unprepared.
Your curiosity about their shared secret was eating at you all day, until you received a mass email from him to the whole team. Re: Garcia's play, Tolgate Theater, 8pm
You didn't have any plans tonight anyway, and after long days in a seemingly endless rotation of slacks and blazers, you welcome the chance to dress up a little bit. It's not like you go out often (or at all) unless it's with the team.
Pushing to the back of your closet, you rifle through the longer dresses and gowns you own, before landing on a light green, silk number. It has a halter neckline that drapes loosely around your neck, and you haven't worn it since before Jeff died, because it always felt like too much.
But Emily messaged you after getting home with a photo of her dress too, and even though it may be a lot for a little neighborhood theater, you're excited about something for the first time in a long while.
After putting on the dress and doing your makeup a bit darker than usual, you grab your keys and head out.
~
He got to the theater a bit earlier than the rest of the team, mostly to apologize to Garcia and warn her about the onslaught of support she was going to be getting, but he also wanted to get there before you did, so he could save a seat for you beside him.
From an outsider's perspective, he imagines there wouldn't seem to be anything different or wrong with your relationship, but he has been feeling the frustrating tension between the two of you since that night out.
Speaking with Jess on Halloween felt like a welcome reprieve from his cycle of self-loathing, and he finally feels more free than he has in ages.
Emily, Derek, and Spencer arrive a short while later, and he points them toward the seats he booked out, before heading back to the lobby, where family and friends of the performers are milling around.
When Dave arrives, he's also dressed in a suit. "We certainly clean up nicely."
He coughs out a laugh. "I haven't pulled this suit out in years."
"Well, aside from the cobwebs," Dave jokes, brushing an imaginary piece of dust from his shoulder, "you look classy."
"Thanks," he smiles, patting the older man's arm. "You should head inside. We're sitting about halfway up."
"You coming?" Dave asks as he steps around him.
Aaron shakes his head, glancing back at the door again. "I'm going to wait for...everyone to get here. I'll meet you inside."
He nods, before smacking his shoulder once and walking into the theater. When Dave's out of sight, he turns back around and pulls his phone out, trying to look busy.
He scrolls through a couple of his latest emails before tucking his phone away. The front door of the theater opens then, and when he looks up, all of the air leaves his lungs.
It feels like the world is moving in slow motion as you glide inside, your dress billowing down as the breeze from outside settles. You look incredible, and he feels like a teenager again, when he was so in love with you he couldn't breathe.
He watches you glance around, clearly searching for a familiar face, so he walks up, approaching you slowly to give you time to notice him.
"Oh, hi!" you say, your lips curving up into a smile as he tucks a hand into his pocket. "Am I late?"
"Not at all," he says, hating how strained his voice sounds. "The play starts at the top of the hour."
"Perfect," you smile, removing your shawl from your shoulders and folding it in your hands. "You clean up well, by the way."
There's a slight tinge of humor in your voice, and you're looking at him expectantly, likely waiting for him to lead you to the seats, but he can't move. He's terrified of what he's feeling, but you look amazing, and he's surrounded by people he doesn't know, so he doesn't overthink it as he reaches out and slips a hand onto your waist.
You clearly aren't expecting it as he pulls you in closer, his fingers sliding across the silkiness of your dress. You smell like flowers, and he can't help himself as he leans in to press a kiss to your cheek. "You're beautiful."
Reality doesn't set in until he lets you go. Your cheeks are slightly flushed and he can't think straight, but the moment you step away from him and head to theater doors, the fog clears.
What is he doing?
The rational part of his brain takes over and he mumbles a curse under his breath before jogging forward to follow you inside. At least for the time being, he has the play to cover himself, but when morning comes, and brings with it the harsh light of day, he's fucked.
***
His skin is burning. The temperature in his office feels like it has been turned all the way up, but even as he undoes his cufflinks and rolls his sleeves back, the heat doesn't abate.
He is loosening his tie when his office door opens, revealing you in your rumpled button down and slacks. He opens his mouth to ask why you're still here, but before he can get a word out, you're shutting the door behind you and locking it.
"What are you doing?" he asks as you saunter over to him, stepping around his desk and pressing your hands to the armrests of his chair. "Y/N, it's late-"
"Shut up," you say firmly, twisting his chair toward you with a strong pull. He moves to get up, but you push his shoulder down to keep him in his chair.
He already doesn't know what to say, but every thought leaves his brain as you sink down to your knees before him.
"Don't move," you whisper, your eyes glinting up at him as you deftly undo the buckle of his belt and yank his pants open. "I'm in charge now."
He lets out a gasp as you tug his pants down in one go, and before he can do anything, your fingers are on him. Your lips curve into a smile as his breath hitches, and even with the thin fabric of his boxers between you two, the sensations coursing through him feel so magnified and new.
He is already hard as a rock, and you've barely even touched him. Teasingly slow, you pull his boxers down, watching as his cock springs free from the confines. Without wasting another second, you run your tongue up his length, and he grits his teeth to keep the groans in his throat from spilling out.
Your lips slowly close around his tip and the wet heat makes his head fall back as he tries to calm his breathing down. His chest is heaving like he just went for a run, but when you hollow your cheeks around him, he can't keep the moan inside. He loses control for a moment as he reaches forward to grasp onto your hair, but that only seems to spur you on, as you bob your head even faster.
The wet sounds of your mouth sliding over his cock fill the office, and he clutches his armrest with one hand and uses the other to guide your head.
He's already so close, and the soft grip of your hands on his thighs aren't helping as he tries to hold off, to prolong this feeling. At the last second, you swirl your tongue around the tip, and he chokes out a gasp, but then-
His eyes fly open to the lonely darkness of his bedroom. The room is warmer than it usually is, and his skin feels sticky with sweat under his covers. His mind, on the other hand...
He doesn't remember every moment of the dream, but the message was clear enough. His boxers are still tight from the memory, and he tries as hard as he can to think about anything else, but he keeps going back to the image of you, in front of him, kneeling-
Throwing the covers off, he sits up quickly and climbs out of bed, needing to clear his head in the only effective way he knows of. He shrugs his clothes off on the way to the bathroom, and he turns the shower on, making the water steaming hot, before stepping inside. The steam fogs up the glass around him, but he can still see the bare outline of his shame in the mirror across from the shower.
But now isn't the time, not with his skin burning and his cock pulsing in his hand. He pumps a few times as the hot water cascades over him, trying to set a rhythm, but it doesn't feel right. He keeps nearing the edge before the wave pulls back, and he lets out a soft groan in frustration as he presses his forehead to the glass.
Just once, he thinks as he grips himself again, his mind shifting back to his dream. Only this once.
His brain fills with the images from earlier: you on your knees, your mouth warm and wet over him, the pinpricks of sweat across the swells of your chest where your shirt was unbuttoned. He pictures your mouth as he ruts into his own hand, pretending, wishing, it was you instead.
It only takes a few more pumps before he finishes, spilling onto the white floor of his shower. The energy leaves him as he slumps against the wall, twisting the knob to a cooler setting, before shutting it off completely.
He still has a few more hours of sleep left before he has to get up for work, but he spends all night tossing and turning in the wide, empty expanse of his bed.
***
"What do you think he meant?"
"Maybe it's like a new manual, or guidebook."
"What are you two on about?" You walk up to your desk and slump down into the chair as Emily and Spencer look up with meek smiles.
Spencer is the first to crack. "We were discussing what Hotch might have meant by a 'different tactic' to solve this case in New Mexico."
You frown. "The gated community one? I thought Dave was just flying over ahead of us to get a head start."
"Nope," Emily shakes her head, before turning around. "He's in Hotch's office right now."
You look up just as Aaron and Dave exit the office and begin their descent down the stairs. Dave is ahead of him, with a big smile on his face, as he pushes past all of you.
It's only after you turn around that you realize who he's looking at. The woman he pulls into a hug is young - Academy cadet young - and she's pretty too.
"Ashley!" Rossi exclaims as he lets her go.
Hotch walks up behind them and shakes her hand. "Agent trainee Seaver is on loan to us from the Academy."
He introduces her to each of you, and you reach forward to shake her hand, a big smile on your face. After he told you that the bureau was considering someone new, you have had your guard up, but you don't want to make a bad impression in case she's here to stay.
"It's great to meet all of you," she says with a meek smile.
You pat her shoulder before walking past her to speak with Aaron about whether Seaver was the the new addition he was talking about. But when you lift your hand to get his attention, he turns away without looking at you, and leads Rossi out of the bullpen.
~
In the New Mexico gated community where three women have been murdered so far, Emily and Derek split off to check out the last crime scene, so you stay with the rest of the team and Seaver at one of the model homes to go through the evidence.
You can't help but notice how Spencer's eyes keep flitting over to the new girl, and a grin crosses your lips as you nudge his shoulder later.
"You totally have a thing for the new girl."
"Wha-what, no?!" he sputters, his face twisting into an unconvincing frown. "I don't even know her."
You just shrug. "You can still think she's pretty."
"That's irrelevant," he mutters, nudging you back and grabbing one of the files in front of him. "Do you think we can trust the local police?"
"I don't know," you sigh, letting him change the subject. "We definitely can't rule them out, especially in a community as clustered as this."
You glance across the room to Aaron and Dave, who are standing hunched over a laptop with the local detective. They're brows are all equally furrowed, and Aaron looks so focused you doubt he would hear you if you yelled his name right now.
Dropping the file onto the counter, you step around Reid and walk over to the trio, listening in as they start speaking.
"You interviewed every adult male in the community?"
The detective nods. "More than once. They're all digitized."
Aaron glances up as you approach, but when he realizes who it is, his eyes dart back to the screen. His eyes meet yours for the briefest of seconds, and he sees a frown cross your face out of his periphery. Fuck. He has to be more careful. You're a fucking profiler, for god's sake.
"Were all the interviews confrontational like this?" you ask as you come up beside him. He can feel the warmth of your arm inches away from his, and he leans his weight to the other side, trying not to think about his dream while you're standing this close to him.
"Is that wrong?"
Rossi raises his eyebrow. "You didn't get much out of them, did you?"
The detective shakes his head before skipping to the next interview, and everyone leans in closer to get a better look. With four of you surrounding the screen, it's harder to see, and when you press your hand to his shoulder to balance yourself, he all but flinches back from your touch.
The movement is harsh enough that everyone but the detective notices. His eyes fly to you as shock and confusion cross your face, and before anyone can say anything, he mutters something that sounds like 'sorry' before rushing out of the model home.
~
You're chasing after him the moment he's out of sight. Dave reaches forward to catch your arm but you shake him off, rushing out of the house and onto the street, which has been cleared by the local police since you arrived.
"Aaron!" you call out as he walks ahead of you, his hand raking through his hair. To his credit, he comes to a stop the moment he hears your voice, and you catch up to him quickly, stopping just short of him on the sidewalk. "What is going on? I thought we were okay?"
His eyes close for a beat, before his face hardens into a steely calm. You can no longer pretend like everything's fine. It hasn't been for a long time - not since the bar, and maybe even before - but you've always been good at compartmentalizing what you don't want to feel. With your mom, and Jeff, and Haley, you could push down the hurt until it dissolved into your bloodstream, spreading everywhere. It wore you down and thinned you out, but at least it wasn't overwhelming.
Looking at him now - your best friend, the man you...love. Your breath catches in your throat and he shakes his head, not looking at you. "What do you mean, Y/N?"
You wish you could keep pretending, like he seems to be able to, but it's just not fair anymore. Not to him, and especially not to you. "No, don't do this. Don't act like I'm the only one who sees how wrong this has been for the last few months. I used to talk to you everyday, Aaron. We've barely spoken in weeks!"
His face cracks for a moment and you see the glimmer of pain in his eyes before the wall comes up again. "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" you yell, your tone more forceful than you expect. "What are you sorry for, Aaron?"
He looks at you then, the facade falling away as your words sink in. The lines of pain and tension settle in and you're almost relieved that he's finally showing you the truth instead of hiding away what he's feeling. But then the despair returns as his lips thin into a line, unable to answer your question.
"What," you repeat, your words tinged with malice, "are you sorry for?"
He whispers your name softly, like it's an apology on it's own, before using his next words to tear you to pieces. "Don't make me say it."
A soft gasp leaves your mouth and you involuntarily take a step back, like he's slapped you in the face. He runs a hand over his neck and a sudden feverish anger rushes through you as you shake your head, blinking back tears. "Don't do that. I know it's not just me, Aaron. It's not-"
"Please," he whispers suddenly, cutting you off. "Please don't do this."
It's almost like he's begging you, and you jerk back, unable to look at him. Men have hurt you before, in so many ways, but nothing has ever cut deeper than this. You don't think your bullet wound hurt this much, and at least then you had him to support you. Now you're all alone.
The aching heartbreak hits you all at once and you brush a loose tear off your cheek before turning around and leaving him out on the sidewalk, watching you walk away.
***
"Something's up."
Penelope bumps Emily's shoulder to grab her attention. After a second, she looks up from her desk. "What was that?"
"Something," Penelope repeats, her eyes darting back and forth between you and Aaron, "is up. Y/N and Hotch haven't looked at each other in like four days. Earlier, she was talking to someone on the stairs and he literally walked out of his office and then back inside again."
Emily looks at her. "Are you sure you aren't reading into anything?"
Penelope shoots her a look that can only mean 'you're kidding, right?' "They're inseparable. Something must have happened in the last few weeks that we don't know about."
Before she can stop her, Penelope stands up and barrels over to you, with Emily on her heels like an owner who just dropped her dog's leash.
"Y/N!" Penelope calls out as she approaches you. You look up from your desk with a frown, before your face breaks into a forced smile that both of them can see through immediately. "We wanted to catch up."
You glance at Emily, who shrugs, earning a look of chagrin from the other agent.
"Okay, what do you want to talk about?" you ask, your forehead crinkling in a manner reminiscent of your boss.
Penelope pauses for a moment, like she's trying to think. "Uhh, I'm not sure. Maybe about...you and Hotch?"
"Subtle," Emily mutters under her breath as your face scrunches into a confused frown. "She just means that you two have seemed kind of off lately, and we were wondering if everything was okay."
You press your lips together, unsure of how to broach this topic, even with some of your closest friends. "It's nothing."
That pulls a frown from both of them, and you sigh, doubling down on your feigned nonchalance. "It's really nothing, guys. I just...can't see him right now."
You turn back to your work and Emily and Penelope share a look, twin realizations clicking in both of their minds. They rush back to Penelope's office, and Emily shuts the door behind them, before they both blurt out something that sounds like: "We all know what's going on here."
"We have to make him jealous," Emily agrees with a nod.
She pulls open her desk drawer and pulls out her address book. "I have just the thing."
***
"I messed up, Haley."
The ground is hard from the chilly December air, and he sits uncomfortably on the familiar granite bench before her grave. There is a bouquet of dried-up flowers leaning against her headstone, and he doesn't have to think too hard to figure out who they're from.
"I'm trying not to," he whispers, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets to warm them up, "but I keep messing up."
A cool breeze wafts over him and the rustle of the nearby trees feels like an acknowledgement. Like she's really listening.
"She hates me," he sighs, his chin dropping to his chest as he shuts his eyes. The wind picks up slightly, and it's like he can hear Haley's voice in his head. She doesn't hate you. She's hurt.
"I know." He runs a gloved hand over his face, the cold sending a small shiver through his body. "It's my fault. I just don't know what to do or how to fix it."
Her reply in his mind is almost immediate.Yes you do.
He shakes his head, feeling like an idiot for talking to himself, even though it's helping him work through his emotions. "I don't. I really don't."
For a few moments, all he can hear is the rustle of tree branches and the low whistle of the wind blowing around the headstones. You have to tell her how you feel.
His chest tightens and he lifts his face, letting the cold air sting his skin, like some kind of penance. "Don't you think I want to? Every time I look at her, I'm terrified it's going to come out, but I can't say it." He takes a deep breath as the words start to flow out. He hasn't said them out loud to anyone, but right here feels like the safest place to let them out. "I love her."
Three simple words and it's like a weight lifts off of his chest. He still doesn't have the answers, but at least he can admit it to himself. "I'm in love with her, Hales. The only person in this world that I love more is Jack."
He can practically see her smile as he glances down at her name etched in stone. Then what's the problem.
"I'm gonna fuck it up. I always do." The words come out before he has a chance to think, almost like they've been sitting on the tip of his tongue for ages. He looks down at the ground again, imagining her sitting in front of him. "I did with you."
This time, his mind doesn't have the answer for him. He's finally in a good place with his son, and with the addition of Seaver to the team, his work load has been marginally cut back, so he doesn't really have an excuse anymore. It's just his fear of losing one of the only good things in his life that keeps holding him back.
But you're already losing her.
It's his own voice berating him this time, instead of Haley's.
You're trying so hard to hold her at arm's length that you haven't even noticed that she has stopped pushing her way in.
The wind rushes over him and he looks at the headstone again, his eyes tracing over Haley's name one more time, before he stands up and walks back down the hill.
***
Dave's annual new year's eve party has always been a fairly large spectacle, but when Aaron leads Jack up his driveway that evening, the sheer number of (expensive) cars lined up outside is nearly staggering.
He knew it wouldn't just be the team here tonight, but he wasn't expecting the sheer scale of the party, especially while his mind has been so pre-occupied with the prospect of seeing you outside of work for the first time in weeks.
The front door is unlocked when they reach the top of the porch, so he carefully pushes it open and leads Jack inside. He's only an hour late, but the hallways are already crowded with groups milling around, having loud conversations with a drink in their hand.
He doesn't recognize anyone until he gets to the kitchen, where he sees the rest of the team (minus Dave) chatting around a small snack table.
"Y/N!" Jack shrieks when he sees you, letting go of his hand immediately and running forward. You turn at the sound of his voice, and your face breaks out into a wide smile as the boy barrels over and throws his arms around you.
"Jack-o-lantern!" you gush, lifting him up and hugging him, your eyes falling shut as you squeeze the boy tightly.
Any onlooker can tell that his son loves you. For a while after Haley's death, Jack was closed off to every female figure in his life - even Jess - but he never shied away from you.
I love you, a voice in the back of his mind whispers as you set Jack down and press a kiss to the top of his head. I love you I love you I love you.
~
After Dave returned from the back patio and whisked away Aaron and Jack to meet some of his other friends, you loitered around the kitchen for a while, chatting with Derek and Spencer about their resolutions for the new year.
You're refilling your glass with some diluted punch when JJ and Emily sneak up behind you with matching mischievous expressions.
"What did you guys do?" you ask, gulping back some punch in preparation for whatever they're about to spring on you.
"There's someone we want you to meet," Emily grins as she reaches forward to loop her arm through yours.
"Oh, no way," you say, already shaking your head before they can elaborate. "You are not setting me up with some random bureau guy again."
"That was only one time," JJ pouts, before beckoning to the hallway across from the kitchen. You glance over her shoulder and spot Will standing with a man you've never seen before. "I had Will bring one of his single friends tonight. He's an architect, and he's super smart and super cute. Totally your type."
You raise an eyebrow as you inspect the man from across the room. He's definitely easy on the eyes, but he's also not your type. There's only one man who fits into that box.
"I don't know," you sigh, setting your glass down on the table behind you. "It's very sudden."
"C'mon," Emily urges, her eyes glinting with amusement. "It'll be good. Just talk and flirt a little, and if you're into it then you have a new year's kiss locked up!"
Kissing someone you just met in front of all of your colleagues sounds like nightmare fuel, but you can't think of another way to get your friends off your back. "Okay, fine, I'll meet him."
~
After leaving Jack with Henry and the other children, he heads back into the main section of the house, hoping to run into you. He doesn't know what he would say if he does, but anything is better than the avoidance game you've been playing.
He sees Penelope and JJ first, but you're not with them, so he continues forward, deftly stepping around throngs of people conversing in little pockets around the house.
"Hotch, over here!"
He whips around to find Derek, Will, and Dave waving him over to join them in the kitchen. He grabs a piece of cheese off a platter on his way over, and Derek pats him on the back when he reaches the three of them.
They return to their prior topic of conversation, and he tunes them out as his eyes dart around the room, still looking for you. He's about to give up when he spots the familiar hue of your hair down the hall. His lips curve up in a small smile as he watches you lean your head back with a big laugh that he swears he can hear even from all the way over here. He's about to excuse himself from the guys when a hand reaches out to gently touch your forearm, and you don't shake it off.
It's only then that he notices the man you're talking to, and how enamored he looks as you burst into another bout of laughter. Something that feels like ice settles in the pit of his stomach and he turns back to the guys just as they notice what he's been looking at.
"They seem to be hitting it off," Will grins, crossing his arms over his chest. "My friend's a good guy, and he mentioned wanting to meet her after they crossed paths at one of me and JJ's dinner parties."
He notices Dave glance at him out of the corner of his eye, but he can't bear to look at the older man, for fear that he'll give something away. Aaron feels the nauseating pit of jealousy in his stomach, but it's not fair. He pushed you away.
He turns away from you and tries to focus on literally anything else, but it's not long before he's unable to fight the urge to look at you from his spot in the kitchen. You can't see him watching you, and it gives him the obscurity he needs to observe you from afar, but it also makes it much more conspicuous to his friends.
You don't leave the company of Will's friend until much later in the night, and soon it's almost midnight. The countdown starts as everyone in the house lifts their glasses and latches onto their significant others.
"Ten, nine, eight..."
He's turning before he knows what he's doing. He can't help it, it's almost magnetic, the pull you have on him.
You're not looking at him, and he can only see your side profile as you glance up at the clock as it ticks down.
"Five, four, three, two..."
He turns away at the last second, unable to stomach the thought of you kissing someone else, but when the crowd erupts into cheers, he looks back to find that you're gone. His heart rates spikes and he pushes through people, ignoring the pats on his back as people wish him a "Happy new year".
He eventually spots you through the back windows, and he steps out into the frigid air to accompany you on the back porch steps. You're sitting on the top step, your bare arms wrapped around your body for some semblance of warmth, and for a moment, he can't move.
He can't decide if he should go to you or let you have the space you so clearly wanted, but then a voice in the back of his skull yells at him through all the noise. She's your best friend in the world. A few months ago, the answer would have been obvious.
A switch flips and he steps forward, sliding off his jacket and draping it over your shoulders. You let out a soft sigh as he sinks down next to you, and he watches as your eyes glisten in the lamplight.
You don't look at him as you press your elbows into your knees and rub a hand over your neck. "How did this get so fucked up?"
He sighs too, a heavy sound. "I don't know."
He's still looking at you, at the tears in your eyes, when you finally take a deep breath and turn to face him. A tear slips down your cheek and his brain fires off sparks again. I love you, I love you, I love you.
He wants to say it so badly, but then the newest factor in all of his confusion jumps back into the forefront. The Pakistan assignment. He has been trying to push it off, but he's getting so much pressure from the brass, and that's just one more thing he's hiding from you.
He breaks your eye contact and you let out a slow breath, almost like you felt him lose his nerve in real time. Without another word, you wipe the tears from your face and stand up, leaving him out in the cold once again.
***
The bureau gives you a week off at the start of the new year, but you can't enjoy any of your alone time. Every second you let your mind wander, your thoughts are invaded by the look on his face as he turned away from you.
You had seen it in his eyes out there, in the freezing cold air as the clock struck midnight. At least a small part of him felt for you the same way you felt for him. But it's not enough.
You've been alone for so many years. When you married Jeff, you were done. You didn't think you'd have to ever feel this kind of heartbreak again, but now that you feel that kind of love again, you refuse to settle for anything less than what you deserve. And what you deserve is someone who can show you how he feels.
Nevertheless, you can't control your subconscious.
That's why you're laying in bed at the end of the week, staring at your nightlight across the room and somehow managing to simultaneously miss him and hate him. It's well past midnight and you can't sleep, but you don't want to give in to the urge that's been tugging at your gut all night.
You're so angry with him, but he's also the only person you want to talk to when you're feeling anything you can't explain. It only takes another minute before you're giving in and snatching your phone off your bedside table.
It rings for a long time before he finally answers.
He whispers your name softly, his voice gravelly as though he just woke up. He sounds confused, but it has to mean something that he answered his phone at this hour.
"Are you okay?" Aaron asks, his voice still a bit gruff from the tiredness. "What's wrong?"
I miss you, you want to say. Instead, you panic and ask the first question that pops into your head: "Why do you think The Beatles broke up?"
The line goes silent for a moment before he sighs quietly. "Everyone blames Yoko but you know I think they just stopped working well together creatively."
"It was probably Lennon deciding to leave the band," you say, unsure where you're going with this. "Yeah, that makes the most sense."
"Maybe," he says, his voice a low hum.
There's no tinge of impatience or irritation in his tone, but you still feel awful for waking him up in the early hours of the morning to chat about a band.
You take a deep breath, trying to prepare yourself for what you're about to say, but the breath catches in your throat as a small sob escapes. "I'm so mad at you."
There's a pause on the other end of the line, before Aaron exhales sharply. "I know."
Your resolve fades almost immediately and you sink back into your pillows. "I'm not mad at you." He quietly huffs out a laugh, but you can tell his heart isn't in it. "I'm hurt, and yeah, I'm kind of mad at you, but the only person I want to talk to is you."
You can hear his breath stutter over the speaker, and he rears up to say something, before thinking better of it. "It's late, Y/N. You should go to bed."
"Yeah," you say eventually, rubbing tears of frustration from your eyes. "I'm sorry, yeah."
"No," he says quickly, his voice hurried as though he's afraid you'll hang up. "Don't apologize. I'm glad you called."
Your heart flutters pathetically. "Okay."
"Why were you up anyway?" he asks after a moment.
You shrug, even though he can't see you, wiping away the last remnants of your tears. "Couldn't sleep."
Something that sounds like a quiet chuckle floats into your ears. "Try turning off that massive nightlight."
Your eyes widen and you inadvertently glance over at the beacon of light plugged in across the room. "What nightlight?"
He hums again. "Goodnight, Y/N." I love you.
"Goodnight, Aaron." I love you too.
***
It started when Emily arrived late to the briefing. She was never late, so that itself was enough to set off your alarms, but then you noticed her fingers. She's biting her nails again.
Aaron finishes briefing you all about the two families murdered in house fires in the DC area, before you disperse and head back to your desks to read up about the evidence.
When you drop your bag down and sink into your chair, you don't miss how Spencer visibly flinches in his seat, his eyes twitching with exhaustion.
"Sorry, Spence," you say earnestly, turning to him with an anxious look. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah," he answers quickly, his eyes darting back down to the case file. "I'm... I'm...I'm sure these victims overlap somehow. Garcia pulled their phone numbers, but so far I can't find anything."
You've been working with him long enough to notice when he's deflecting, especially when he's doing such a bad job of it. "Spencer, you just jumped."
He takes a deep breath and you're suddenly grateful that his shorter haircut allows you to get a better view of his expression, even with his head down. "I've been having these really intense headaches lately."
"Have you seen a doctor?" you ask, sliding your chair in to get a better look at him.
"Yeah, a few. None of them have been able to figure it out."
"I'm sorry," you say genuinely as guilt and shame flood your veins. You've been so preoccupied with your own drama that you haven't been paying any attention to your friends. First Emily, and now Spencer. "Does anyone know?"
His lips press into an adorable line. "You."
"I won't tell anyone," you assure him, your eyebrows scrunching down. "I'm glad you're telling me now."
"I know," he nods. "I just didn't want you to worry."
"I won't make a big deal out of it," you tell him, your lips curving up in a playful smile, "if that's what you were worried about."
"Thanks," he mutters, but you can tell his heart isn't really in it.
It's been so long since you sat down and caught up with your teammates, and given how weird Emily has been acting, you figure it's about time.
~
"Have you noticed anything off with Emily?"
It's Penelope who comes to you first about the change in your teammate's disposition. You had clocked the small jab Emily had thrown at her after the briefing, but didn't want to intrude in case it was personal. You're starting to realize it might be a lot more personal than you originally thought.
"I have," you say simply, glancing back at her across the bullpen. Her head is down and her shoulders are hunched forward as she quickly types something out on her phone.
She waits for another moment before jolting upright and standing up. Before either of you can get a chance to ask what's wrong, she is jetting off to the bathroom.
"I got this one," you tell Penelope before strutting off to follow her.
She's looking at her phone again when the bathroom door shuts behind you, and you approach her slowly so as not to spook her. "Hey, I just wanted to check up on you. You sped out of there."
"I'm fine," she says, trying to brush away your worry with a wave of her hand.
You frown, taking a step forward. "Are you sure? I noticed you've been biting your-"
"Don't profile me, Y/N," she snaps, her head turning to level you with a glare that would have scared the shit out of you if you didn't know her so well. It doesn't last long though, and before you can get another word out, she's already apologizing. "I'm sorry. I-I'm gonna be alright. I promise. I'm just having this nightmare."
She details her dream to you, and the profiler in you can't help but relate it to her own lack of trust, but then she looks at you with a genuine smile and you just have to smile back.
"Somehow, you.." she pauses for a beat. "You always make me feel better. I don't think I've ever thanked you for that."
Her words feel so final, like she's saying goodbye, and a bolt of terror shoots through you before you decide you're being dramatic.
She's your friend. She's gonna be alright.
~
Emily's gone. She slipped out during Aaron's multi-agency task force briefing, and none of you noticed.
How could you not have noticed?
You're kicking yourself as Spencer pulls out a sheet of paper from one of Emily's contacts, with a list of undercover names all with the initials L.R.
"Prentiss is the last name on the list," Rossi deduces as you mentally check back into the conversation. Your eyes scan the board with the name 'Lauren Reynolds' written at the top. "That means she's on Doyle's list too."
"Guys," Aaron calls out from Emily's desk, holding up her things in his hands, "she left her badge and gun."
"Why would she do that?" Penelope asks, her voice small like a child's. "We're her family."
That's when you finally find your voice. "She ran to protect us." You turn to Aaron then, your eyes flashing over his like it's the first time you've ever really looked at him. "How do we find her?"
"We need to profile their behavior," he instructs, moving to the front board. "Doyle is our unsub and Prentiss is our victim. We treat it like any other case."
There's the small sound of a door opening and Aaron looks up, beckoning his chin to the back. "Because terrorism isn't an area we specialize in, I've reached out to an expert from the State Department...someone who can also shed light on Prentiss' past."
You whip around to the sight of a familiar head of blonde hair walking into the briefing room. The tension in your shoulders abates for a split second as gratitude cascades over you. God, you missed her.
JJ saunters forward and nods at each of you, her expression already rigid with concentration. "Let's get to work."
~
Profiling Emily takes you all to Boston, where the evidence from the previous victims adds up to the conclusion that Doyle is a family annihilator. When you also find out that he has a secret son, you and Derek lead the team to the warehouse where the son was last taken, in the hopes that Emily would have made the same connection.
The sound of a loud crash sends you running, but Derek is faster and he gets there before you. You enter the back room to find Emily bleeding out on the floor, a large wooden post stuck through her abdomen.
"I got her!" he yells into his comms before pressing his hands onto her wound. "Prentiss. It's me, I'm right here."
She mumbles something that sounds like his name and your chest floods with relief. You step out of the room to call for a medic, but when you get back, she isn't moving.
"Emily!" Derek yells as you sink to your knees beside him. Your pants are wet with her blood, and it feels like ice against your skin. How can there be so much blood in the human body?
"Come on," he pleads, tightening his grip on her hand. "Stay with me!"
"Emily, please," you whisper, your throat hoarse from the unshed tears. You press your fingers to her pulse. "Please."
The medics come eventually, and she is taken to the hospital, where the whole team is holed up in the waiting room. Spencer hasn't stopped pacing since she was taken into surgery and you can't seem to take your face out of your hands, even as people press comforting pats on your shoulders.
You don't notice anything going on around you until JJ comes back from speaking with the doctor with tears in her eyes. No, oh god no.
You barely register her words as she whispers, "She never made it off the table."
It's only then that you stand up. You're not sure what you're planning to do, but as soon as you try to move, your legs start shaking, like you're slipping in quicksand. Aaron steps towards you just as your body gives out and you collapse onto him, quiet sobs bubbling out of your throat.
"She was just here," you cry into his chest while you clutch his shirt as though your life depends on it. "How can she be gone?"
His hands rub comforting circles into your back as his arms tighten around you, keeping you upright, and you can't help but imagine that this picture looks vaguely reminiscent of his home last year when you held him up as he broke down.
Emily's gone.
You can't even remember why you were so angry with him before. Everything outside of this moment feels so trivial, like you've been wasting so much time. You need him now, and you're so thankful he's here to hold you up even though his pain is just as big as yours.
Aaron wraps himself tighter around you, fighting the tears that are rushing forward, because they just aren't fair. His whole team is falling apart in front of him, and he's one of two people here who knows the truth.
You choke out another sob and he tugs you upward, helping you stand again as you wipe the tears from your face. Out of the corner of his periphery, he sees JJ pull Spencer into a hug, and she meets his eye over the younger agent's shoulder. So much pain.
"What are we supposed to do now?" you ask suddenly, your voice so small he's sure he's the only person who can hear you. "How are we supposed to keep going?"
The familiar echoing emptiness of guilt swallows him whole and he sucks in a sharp breath in a futile effort to keep himself from drowning. Your glistening eyes are so wide with despair, and he pulls you back into his arms, mostly for comfort, but also because he can't stand to see you in pain for much longer. When he finally finds his voice, all that comes out is, "I don't know."
***
You can barely remember the funeral.
When you try to think about it, there are flashes of white gloves and red roses and rough, brown dirt, but the only thing that really sticks out is the pressure of Aaron's hand over yours as you stood in front of her casket while they lowered her into the ground.
So many funerals, so many gravestones. The eery familiarity that has made you numb to the loss, even as it threatens to tear you apart each time you let yourself think about her.
It has become a regular passage in the story of your life: meet someone new, learn to love again, and then lose them.
Tears prick your eyes as you settle into the stiff wooden chair in your kitchen. The team has been organizing impromptu get-togethers all month, mostly at the last minute and usually late at night. That's when the loneliness hits the hardest.
You figure you should be used to it by now. Deep down, you know it's not something anyone ever gets used to, but believing that the pain will abate is easier than realizing it'll always be there, buried in your bones.
The pain of your mother's death is still a phantom bruise under your skin, always there, but never at the forefront until you press hard enough. Losing Jeff was a whole other monster, hiding under your bed and within the confines of your mind, ready to pounce the moment you closed your eyes. Haley, on the other hand, was a fresh wound; sometimes, you still aren't sure that the gash has fully closed, but with time it has gotten easier to pretend that things aren't awful all the time.
You wipe a loose tear from your cheek as you check your phone messages and tidy up some of the plates from your table. Aaron came over last night, and you both sat in silence for a long time, until a photo of Emily on your computer brought you to tears again. He held you for hours as you shook in his arms, trying to keep yourself together, but ultimately failing.
The silver lining of his renewed presence in your life doesn't feel as sweet as it should, given the circumstances, but you'll take any win you can get. If nothing else, you missed the feel of his arms around you.
You flinch as the dishes clink together loudly when you set them in the sink, and you watch the water dribble from the faucet for a long time, pretending that all you see isn't her blood.
***
He doesn't know what to do. He wants to be there for you more than anything else in this world, but seeing you break down is like being stabbed all over again, only this time it's his own fault.
When you called last night, he couldn't stay away. He misses you like he's missing a limb, and even if he wanted to stop himself from seeing you, he knows he couldn't. Your grief has brought you back to him, but it feels wretched, even as he shoves aside his guilt for an evening to comfort you at this low.
He had lost count of the number of work-related things he had kept from Haley when they were married, but he always had the excuse that she didn't need to know. That her life would be better without the knowledge of all the horrors that circled them everyday.
He doesn't have the same excuse with you. You are well-acquainted with the tragedies that life brings, and if it was up to him, he would spill every secret he has ever hidden, because he loves you, and you're one of the last people in this world who still trusts him, and he's so scared that after this, he'll lose that too.
But he keeps his mouth shut. And when Garcia invites him to a get-together at your place, he politely declines, because if he knows you all have each other, then he can take one night off from the debilitating guilt he somehow still hasn't learned to shoulder after all these years.
***
"Come on in."
Spencer, Derek, and Penelope shuffle into your house, handing you bottles of wine and bags of assorted snacks, before plopping down on your couch and making themselves at home. They've been over so many times in the last few weeks that you figure it basically is their second home at this point, not that you mind.
None of you want to be alone, and that's why it works.
"What are we watching tonight?" Derek asks, his voice nonchalant, like it's just another movie night with your colleagues. He always starts the night acting like everything's fine, and it really irked you the first time he came over, until you realized it was a front that he just needed time to shed. "Didn't you say last time that you have the original Jaws DVD?"
"What if we watched The Empire Strike Back?" Spencer asks timidly from under a slew of blankets that Penelope has covered both of them with. His nightly ritual involves suggesting one of his favorite movies, even though it always gets immediately shot down.
Derek chuffs, snagging some of the blanket from off your lap. "Maybe another night, kid."
"I don't care what we watch," Penelope sighs as she pulls open a bag of popcorn and chucks a handful into her mouth, "as long as it isn't sad." That's her only request. Nothing sad, please. Your nightly ritual is like a practiced dance. Each of you playing your parts, reciting your lines the same way, keeping it familiar. Establishing a routine.
You stand up, taking your cue, and grab a random DVD from your cabinet. Ten minutes later, you're all watching The Empire Strikes Back, and Spencer cracks something that looks like a smile for the first time since before the funeral.
You watch the movie in silence, and when the credits roll, you watch the names scroll over the screen as you muster up the energy to find the remote. When you finally click the TV off, the silence feels suffocating, and you hear Penelope sniffle from next to you.
Throwing your arm around her shoulder, you all squish yourselves together, like the pressure will keep the emotions in.
After a long pause, Spencer is the first to speak. "It'll get better, right?"
"It has to," Derek sighs, his chin falling to his chest as he takes in a deep breath. You know him well enough to be able to translate his exasperation into anguish, even as he tries to hide it.
"It will get better." You glance around the couch at your friends - the people who have been here for you through all of it - and nod your head, choosing this moment to really believe it. "It will."
***
It doesn't.
A week later, you are storming into Aaron's apartment after he dropped Jack off to stay with Jess, your words already pouring out even before he can shut the door behind you.
"How could you take the assignment?"
Your tone is laced with malice, but he can still hear the hurt underneath.
"How could you leave us here after everything that happened?"
This time the pain is clearer. Your voice breaks at the end and he steps forward to do something, but you twist your body away.
His hands fall hopelessly back to his sides and he doesn't know how to explain this to you, when he can't even explain it to himself.
"Strauss left your brief in the conference room." Your words are stronger now, and he looks up, his eyes squinting with anticipation. "You've known about this since before the new year."
You're right. He's known about the prospect of this assignment for almost a year, and then after, when it became a real possibility, he still chose not to tell you. Maybe before, he had the excuse that you weren't speaking to him, but after Emily...he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
"Why wouldn't you tell us?" you ask, the anguish coming forward in full force. "We need you here. Jack needs you. I need you."
He needs you too. But he also needs to stop hurting you. And he can't see that happening while he's still here.
"I'm sorry," he whispers softly. I love you, I'm sorry.
You let out a sigh and your shoulders fall, like you've lost all of the fight within you. You look so defeated, and it feels worse than when you were yelling at him.
You're right here, but you feel so far away, like he's looking at you through tinted glass.
"Fine," you say after a beat. "Call me when you're leaving."
Your shoulder brushes his as you whip past him, and he doesn't muster up the courage to speak again until you're already gone.
***
The call comes soon. Too soon.
You meet him at his apartment, and Jack immediately gives you a hug before latching himself back onto his father. You don't know what Aaron told him, given how you don't even know how long he's going to be gone, but you can't imagine it was helpful to a six year old boy who only understands that his father is leaving for a long time.
"I called Jess to pick him up," Aaron explains in a hushed whisper as Jack runs out to get his shoes, "but she's busy until the afternoon."
"That's okay," you say, crossing your arms in front of you. It's a defensive maneuver that's about all you can muster up right now. "I can drop him off at her house after we get you out of here."
You try to say it lightly, but your tone sharpens at the end, making him flinch. You sigh, an apology in itself, because you're trying so hard to be supportive. You know you're mad at him - no matter how hard you try not to be - but this isn't the time to show your anger.
Jack comes back into the living room, and you usher the young boy out the door as Aaron lugs his duffel bags behind you and out to the car. The drive is mostly silent, and Jack doesn't say a word until you help him out of his carseat and onto the tarmac at the base.
"I'm gonna miss you, Daddy," he whispers, his little hands reaching up to grab his father's hand. "Come home soon."
Aaron picks him up and squeezes him in a big hug, before setting him back down on the ground. He looks at you then and you shrug, pressing your lips together. "What he said."
"I don't know how long this is going to take," he says, mostly directing his words at Jack, even though he keeps glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. "Probably a few months though."
A few months. That shouldn't feel as long as it does.
"Bye buddy," he says then, kneeling down to hug his son again. "Go sit in Y/N's car so I can talk to her about some grown up stuff for a minute."
Jack bounces back to where your car is parked, and you watch him get in before turning back to look at Aaron. There's a resoluteness in his expression that shouldn't surprise you, given how driven he is by his sense of duty, but it still catches you off guard.
"You'll be okay there?" you ask, needing to get that out of the way before the rest of it.
He nods, before inching his hand forward to brush against yours. It's a small gesture, but you're not ready yet.
"I'm still angry," you whisper, pulling your hand back slightly. "I don't want to be, because you're leaving, and I want you to have a clear head out there, but I can't help it."
"It's okay," he says softly, his brow furrowing.
"No," you sigh, shaking your head. Your throat is thickening with the threat of tears and you don't want to cry in front of him now either, but there are too many emotions swirling around your brain to keep any of them straight. "I'm not really mad, okay. I know you're trying to do the right thing, but she's gone, and the team is not okay right now, and I need to find a way to handle it on my own."
I can't do it by myself, you want to say. I'm in love with you and you're making it seem so easy to leave me here to shoulder the burden of everyone's grief.
"I'm sorry," he says again, his voice softer this time.
You're so much better than me, he thinks as he watches you stand so stoically before him. I love you and I can't bear to see you in pain when I'm part of the reason why.
"It's okay," you repeat after a beat. Then you reach forward and take his hand, like he tried to do earlier. His hand is warm and calloused, and it feels rough against your palm, but it grounds you, tethering you to this moment. "I'll see you when you get back."
He nods, before pulling you forward gently into a hug. Your chin tilts up to sit on his shoulder and he squeezes you to him once before letting you go.
When he lifts his bags and walks toward the loading ramp, Jack leaps out of the car and grabs your hand as you both wave goodbye.
He flashes you both one last smile before waving back and disappearing into the plane.
***
The first month is the easiest. You let the futile anger take over; let yourself pretend that you don't actually miss him.
Seeing Jack and Jess makes it less painful, and you slowly find yourself spending more time with them than at home. Jess tries to spend time with Jack at Aaron's apartment to help him maintain a stable environment, but with his father gone, it doesn't help you notice the absence less.
"He's not eating as much," Jess mentions to you one night after she puts him to bed and joins you out in the living room. At first, being at his place without him felt intrusive, but you've gotten used to being there. "He was picking at his food all through dinner."
"I noticed that," you agree as you pat the spot beside you on the couch. "I'm sure it's just a picky eating phase. Once he settles back into a routine with you it should be fine."
"With us," she corrects with a small smile. "I need all the help I can get, and I really appreciate you being here so often."
"Oh, honey, of course." You give her forearm a squeeze before grabbing both of your empty glasses from the table and taking them to the sink. "I was worried I was becoming more of a burden on you by being here so much, but I'm glad it's welcome company."
"Always," she says, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. You set the glasses down and turn back to see her staring at the tiny picture frame of her and Haley on her counter. "She always made it look so easy."
You nod, not wanting to interrupt her moment. After a beat, Jess releases a heavy sigh and shakes her head. "She was the perfect mother. If I can be half as good of a caretaker for Jack as she was, I'll know I'm doing something right."
You smile unconsciously, remembering a moment from years ago. "I swear Aaron said the exact same thing once. He was upset about leaving work late again when they first had Jack, and I had to assure him that he wouldn't miss every childhood milestone just because he had to work late once in a while."
He was so terrified of being anything like his father. You tried your best to show him how impossible that was, but those are the kinds of things people have to learn on their own.
Jess looks down, deep in thought, and your phone chimes then with a new message. It's from Derek: Hotch sat phone call, 15 mins
"Jess," you whisper, getting her attention again. "Aaron is scheduled to call us over the satellite phone in a little bit. I'm gonna go into the office to see if I can talk to him. Is there anything you want me to tell him?"
She thinks for a moment before shaking her head. "Just that Jack and I are doing well. And we miss him."
You nod and press a kiss to her cheek before grabbing your coat and driving over to the field office. The sky is dark by the time you arrive, and it feels foreign to walk into an empty bullpen. The team has shrunk so much since he left, and lately it's just been you, Spencer, Derek, Rossi, and Penelope around here.
You knock on Aaron's office door once before stepping inside.
"Sounds good," Derek is saying as you shut the door behind you. "Yeah, keep us updated." He sees you then and beckons you closer before turning back to the phone. "Y/N's here. I'll hand it to her."
You take the phone from him and tentatively press it to your ear. There's a slight buzzing sound and when he says "Hello?", his voice sounds far away.
"Hi," you say softly, turning your back to Derek for some semblance of privacy, but he has already pulled out his phone and started typing something. "How are you?"
"I'm okay," he says, sounding slightly distracted. "It's really busy over here. How are yo- you all doing? Jack and Jessica?"
"They're good," you tell him, hoping he can't hear the tightness in your voice over hearing his for the first time in weeks. "They really miss you. We all do."
"I miss you guys too."
You hear some muffled voices on the other end of the line, and you jump in with your questions before he gets called away. "Any updates I can ask about? Like when you'll be done."
"Not right now," he says with a sigh. "It's still need-to-know."
"Right," you whisper rigidly, even though it's not fair. He's trying his best, and he's doing what's right, but you keep punishing him. Because of your own feelings, your brain adds at the end.
"It's protocol," he says, even though you're both well aware of how this works.
"I know," you sigh, your fingers gripping the phone tightly. "I have to go back to Jess's."
"Y/N, wait-" he starts, but you are already handing the phone back to Derek.
He takes it uncertainly, but you just shake your head and exit the office.
***
"Did you watch the other movie I gave you?"
You whip your head around to look at Spencer, who is looking at you intently. You had been staring at Aaron's office door for the better part of the last hour.
You frown apologetically. "Not yet, Spence." He had loaned you his DVD of one of his favorite Star Wars movies, and each time you tried watching it, you were just reminded of the immediate aftermath of losing Emily. "I'll find time soon, though."
"That's okay," he shrugs as you inadvertently glance up at the door again. "I know it isn't everyone's thing. I just thought you seemed to enjoy the one we watched at the movie night."
"I did," you assure him, reaching out to pat his hand. "I promise I just haven't found time yet."
He smiles at you, and you return it before your eyes dart up to Aaron's office door at the sight of movement. A small, unrealistic part of you expects Aaron to emerge, but it's Derek instead. Derek took over his office a month after he left to Pakistan, because the secure line was already set up.
"He has a lot on his plate these days," Spencer says, drawing your attention back. He's watching Derek speak to someone at the top of the stairs, his forehead crinkled with stress.
"We're down quite a few hands," you nod, pursing your lips. "Maybe we can convince Derek to bring JJ back permanently."
Spencer lights up and you can't help but grin too. "We definitely should."
***
The cases start piling up, and you welcome the distraction as the passing months begin to weigh on you. The whole team has been under a lot of pressure from the brass, and Strauss has been hinting at a prolonged assignment in Pakistan that may take up even more of his time.
After a particularly grisly case, you invite Penelope over to unwind with some wine and chatting. It doesn't escape your notice that you're missing half of your usual girls' night attendees, but you keep the wine flowing, and soon you aren't focusing on anything other than the new guy Penelope met at her grocery store.
"He's so sweet," she gushes as she leans over the table to grab another chip. You're both sitting on the floor of your living room, and you reach out hastily to steady her glass as it gets precariously close to spilling over. "And I think it says a lot that he shops at such a high quality grocery store."
"Oh, absolutely," you nod, lifting your own glass in a mock salute. "You can tell a lot about a man by how he eats."
"Tell me about it," she sighs, her words starting to slur. Maybe opening the second bottle was too much. "I once dated a guy who only ate protein bars and steak."
Your face twists in disgust, and you set your glass down, feeling the rush of tipsiness hit you. "That's definitely not a balanced diet."
"I tried to tell him," Penelope says, before her face falls into a sad frown. "I really tried."
"Okay, okay," you say, trying to change the subject as her eyes fill with drunk tears. "Back to the grocery store man."
Her face breaks into a wide smile comically fast and you let out a high laugh. "He's so sweet. He really is just the sweetest guy."
"So I've heard," you grin, taking another sip of wine.
Turns out your last glass was one too many, because an hour later, after sending Penelope off in a cab and clearing away your dishes, you're still feeling the buzz from earlier.
Your face feels comfortably warm and you grab your phone from the counter, with the intention to call Emily, when you suddenly remember-
Your smile falls in an instant and tears are rushing forward before you can clearly form a coherent thought. You drop the phone and rush upstairs to take a hot shower to wind down and calm yourself, but even as the burning water washes over you, you still feel wound tight, like your emotions are trapped inside of you.
She was the first person you would always call after a tipsy night, and now she's gone.
Everybody's gone.
JJ, Emily, Aaron. Aaron.
A sob chokes out and you press your hand over your mouth, your body caving forward under the billowing steam fogging up the glass. You miss him so much, it's like you're not even yourself anymore.
You let out another soft sob as the water begins to calm you down, but you can still feel the echoing hollowness inside of you. You wish he was here, holding you, telling you it would all be okay. That you didn't ruin everything by pushing too hard, too fast. That you love him and he loves you, and it can all be perfect again.
"It'll be okay," his voice whispers from behind you, and suddenly he's there. Not really, but with your eyes closed and your mind still foggy, it almost feels real. "I'm sorry I left. I should've been here."
"You should be," you gasp out as his arms close around you from behind, holding you tightly under the soothing warmth of the water. "You left me."
"I know," he says, his breath tingling the sensitive spot behind your ear. "I'll never leave again. I promise."
"You promise," you whisper, mostly to yourself, as you turn around. His lips glide over your shoulder and up your neck, and suddenly his mouth is on yours.
You gasp as his hands slide down your body, his fingers gently caressing the sides of your breasts as he makes his way to your waist. His lips are so soft against yours and when his tongue runs along the seam of your mouth, you moan loudly, letting him swallow up the sounds.
He feels so real under your hands as you trace the jagged scars along his abdomen, and when his tongue glides down your-
You sit up with a gasp, your head pounding with the beginnings of an oncoming wine hangover. Your sheets are messily strewn around you, and your skin is sticky with sweat, but you can't bring yourself to get up. You take a large gulp of water from the glass on your nightstand and check the time: 3:02 AM.
Falling back with a huff, you run a hand over your face and fruitlessly try to sleep through the rest of the night.
***
Summer brings its own set of struggles.
The heat makes each case feel ten times longer than it already is, and with September fast approaching, Jack gets more and more antsy about starting school for the first time.
"He's been shut in his room all day," Jess sighs over the line as you make yourself coffee with your phone pressed between your shoulder and ear. "I think he's sad that he's starting school without either of his parents here."
Your heart breaks as you imagine Jack alone in his room, waiting and wishing for his dad to come back in time for his first day of school. Then an idea pops into your head.
"I think I know what to do."
An hour later, you, Jess, and Jack are waiting in line, under the beating sun, to get into the Smithsonian's zoo. Even tho you can already feel the sweat starting to drip down your back, Jack looks downright giddy, so you take the win.
When you finally get inside, he makes a beeline for the monkey exhibits, and you and Jess meander along behind him, chatting about her new side gig.
"I'm starting the part-time job in the fall," she explains as you stop behind Jack at the front of the chimpanzee enclosure. "It works out with the start of the school year, in case Aaron is gone for a while longer."
"That sounds great," you smile, giving her a small side squeeze. "You deserve something to take your mind off of everything too."
She shrugs, ever the neutral party, before looking at you with a smirk. "I hear there are some changes happening at the BAU as well?"
"Right!" you grin, following Jack to the next exhibit. "JJ was helping out temporarily, but she's officially back on the team. She also mentioned to me that she might be considering enrolling in profiler training so she can be a full-time field agent."
"Good for her," Jess smiles. "Lord knows you guys could use some extra manpower right now."
It's right then that your phone chirps with a text from Derek saying that Aaron is calling in again this afternoon. The urge to speak to him for the first time in weeks tugs at your gut, but then you glance over at Jack, who looks happy for the first time in just as long, and before you know it, you're typing back your response: Not today. Busy with Jack.
***
The next time Aaron calls in, you don't have an excuse.
You're at work, scribbling out the last few lines of your latest case report, when Derek tries to call you into his office. You haven't spoken to him in over a month, and he's asked for you each time he called, but still you refuse.
"Y/N, come on," Derek chuffs, running a hand over his face. "You know he wants to talk to you. He's by himself over there."
That's what gets you. By himself. As though you aren't alone too. As though you hadn't been completely fucking alone when, over the weekend, you found a pair of socks Emily must have forgotten at your place months ago, and had a full body breakdown on the floor of our foyer.
Each time you're close to forgetting that he left you here to fend for yourself, it comes back in full force, and right now, you would rather do just about anything other than put on a neutral face and ask him how he's doing over there.
"Next time," you say, hoping the finality comes across in your tone. It must have worked, because although Derek shakes his head disappointedly, he doesn't ask again.
When you go to Aaron's place after work to see Jack, Jess pulls you aside, a worried look on her face.
"We spoke to Aaron yesterday," she explains, her arms crossed over her chest. The bureau set up a secure line for them so she and Jack could speak to him periodically. "He seemed to be doing well."
"That's great," you say with a nod, unsure of why she's updating you when she thinks you spoke to him today. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, yeah," she says, waving away your concern. "I told him about Jack starting school in a few weeks, and about my new job. Then when I mentioned you - how you've been coming here a lot - he looked really happy that you were involved, but...he sounded off for the rest of the call."
Your shoulders tense up and you try to relax, so as not to give yourself away. "Damn Jess, they should make you a profiler."
She says your name sternly, and you can hear the Haley in her voice. "I'm serious. Have you guys not been speaking?"
"It's okay," you say, shaking your head. "I just need some more time, but I'll talk to him soon."
She twists her lips into a sad frown and you sigh, not knowing what to say, but she beats you to it. "He misses you...and I can tell you miss him."
You don't have an answer that she will want to hear, so you stick with the usual. "I'll talk to him next time."
***
"Do I have to go?"
Jack's bottom lip juts out in a sad pout as you adjust the straps of his little backpack on his shoulders.
"It's your first day of school, bud!" Jess is trying to sound excited, but you can hear the sadness in her voice too, now that she won't have Jack all hours of the day anymore. "It's an exciting time!"
"You got this, baby," you smile, pressing a loud kiss to the top of his head. "Your dad is so proud of you."
"Your mom would be too," Jess adds with a sad smile. "Now go on in, Jack. I'll be right here waiting for you when the last bell rings."
He considers this for a moment, before nodding. Then he looks at you. "What about you?"
"I have to work," you say softly, matching his pout and making him let out a small giggle. "But you can tell me all about your first day when I see you this weekend, okay?"
"Okay," he nods, before grabbing the straps of his backpack and marching toward the front door.
"There he goes," Jess says wistfully, linking her arm through yours.
You let out a small sigh before shooting her a smile. You love him so much, and you're so glad you get to be here as he grows up, but you're so sad that Haley is gone and he's missing out on this moment. "They grow up so fast."
***
The next time Aaron calls in, you're talking to Dave in his office about his latest cabin trip. He is filling you in on the species of fish that live in the lake behind his place when Derek walks in with the notification that Aaron is on the other end of the line in his office.
Dave nods, saying he'll speak with him at the end, and Derek almost skips over you until you follow him out the door.
"You sure?" he asks as you follow him up the stairs.
You nod, bracing yourself for the guilt as you pick up the sat phone. "Hello?"
"Morgan?" Aaron asks, his voice confused over the line.
"No," you say, shaking your head even though he can't see you. "It's me."
There's a moment of silence before he clears his throat. "Oh, I'm glad you could come in."
You say something that sounds like "of course" and suddenly he can hear his heartbeat in his ears. He hasn't heard from you in weeks, and even though he's probably coming home soon, he's so happy to hear your voice he could cry.
"Jess said you were there for Jack's first day," he says slowly, trying to find his voice. "Thank you for doing that. I know it's a lot before coming into work."
"It's not," you say genuinely, momentarily alleviating all of the anxiety he has been having around missing everything in his son's life. "He's the perfect kid. I'm lucky to be a part of his life."
He closes his eyes, wishing with every fiber of his being that he was there with you right now, and not thousands of miles away. "Thank you."
"Any time."
There's silence for a few moments before your breath stutters. "Do you know when you're coming back?"
His heart cracks at the soft sadness in your voice, but he still isn't allowed to share anything that is strictly need-to-know. "I don't."
Your breath catches in your throat and he hears the quiet sob as it breaks over the line. "I miss you, Aaron."
His fingers grip the phone so tightly he's afraid it may shatter in his hands, but there's nothing else tethering him to his life back home. This metal box is the one thing that is keeping him alive out here, and even though he left home so that he could stop lying to you, he's still doing it.
That's why he swallows thickly and says the one thing he knows isn't a lie: "I miss you too."
***
The team got called into the office for an emergency that no one has explained to any of you, and you take a seat in the briefing room as everyone else files in, matching looks of confusion all around you.
"Anyone know what we're doing here?" Dave asks as he leans back in his chair.
You're about to shrug when a figure walks into the room in a dark blue button down and an unfamiliar scruffy beard.
Your eyes widen and your breath leaves your body as you start to stand up, but then he motions for you all to take a seat, so you sink back down. He glances at everyone in the room before his eyes finally land on you. You can't believe he's here. That he knew he was coming back and still didn't tell you.
"What's going on?" Derek asks, breaking your eye contact with a jolt. "Everything all right?"
Aaron ignores him. "Seven months ago, I made a decision that affected this team. As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle."
You don't know why he's bringing this up again but then he continues. "The doctors were able to stabilize her and she was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under covert exfiltration."
Your heart falls. No, there's no way.
"Her identity was strictly need-to-know. And she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to, for her security."
Your teammates break their silence at the same time.
"She's alive?"
"But we buried her..."
You're still unable to suck in a big enough breath to regain the ability to speak, but then another figure walks in and you suddenly understand what people mean when they say their heart skips a beat.
"Oh my god," Penelope whispers from behind you as your feet unconsciously carry you forward and toward her. Toward Emily.
You pull her into your arms, relishing the feeling of your friend hugging you back after you thought you would never see her again. Her arms squeeze you tightly and you suck in a shuddering breath, trying to calm down your heart rate.
She's alive. Emily's alive. Aaron's back and Emily's alive.
The thoughts ping pong around your brain, fighting for dominance, but another one buried deeper in your mind floats to the surface, refusing to be ignored.
He lied.
TAGLIST:@citrusiove, @yiiiikesmish, @mdanon027, @alice-w0rld, @beata1108, @bakugocanstompme, @raely-study, @himboelover, @hermionegalathynius, @rousethemouse, @calif0rniadreamin, @tolerateit13, @delusional-13s-blog, @madesavage05, @littlemisskavities, @love13tter, @domithebomi, @guacam011y, @averyhotchner, @silver-studios, @whosmys, @mimi-sanisanidiot, @chronicallybubbly, @shilphy87
(message me to be added!)
#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x fem!reader#hotch x reader#hotch x female!reader#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner smut#hotch#hotch smut#criminal minds#criminal minds smut#penelope garcia#spencer reid#derek morgan#jennifer jareau#emily prentiss#david rossi#jack hotchner#jessica brooks#aaron hotchner fic#aaron hotchner series#criminal minds series#criminal minds season six#hotch fic#criminal minds fanfiction#anchor series#anchor
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Kinktober day 3 - Spencer Reid
for once keeping under 1k words woho! also i originally forgot i was doing the praise kink so i had to add that after i was already done lmao
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader
Prompt: Praise kink
Warnings: 18+, Sub!spence, praise, pet names (baby boy, bunny), cream pie, unprotected sex, season 3 spencer hair, the mommy kink snuck up on me i-
Words: 700
Can also be read on AO3!
Kinktober masterlist. Regular masterlist.
Being a BAU agent came with a heavy burden, you could see it in Spencer on rough days. He would slump together on the couch and just stare into space, you'd try and comfort him the best you could but sometimes he just needed some time.
You made sure to pamper him when he was home, cooking dinner together, cuddling, and sex. Really just anything you could do together. He craved intimacy and was highly touch-starved, you didn't mind though as touching him was your favorite thing.
You loved how you could get him so riled up with just a couple of words and small touches. Having him on top of you yet you were in charge, making him whimper from your praise.
He would be begging you to let him move once he was inside you. Head resting on your shoulder and barely holding himself up by his forearms. "Please, baby, god, please. Need to fuck you so bad."
Cooing at him and his desperation, "Hold on baby boy, let me just feel you for a second. You're so good for me, bunny." You raked your fingernails over his back and down his sides, leaving red marks in their path. Hearing him groan at the pain made your cunt clench in return. "So big and it's all mine."
Spencer tried to steady his breath, thinking of something else that wasn't his dick in your perfect pussy. He was going through any and all statistics he could remember at the moment in his head, anything to keep still and not just have his way with you.
"Okay, Spence. You can move now, but slow, baby." He whined into your neck as he finally could move his hips. Gently pulling out of you and pushing back in, Spencer was moaning right into your ear at the pleasure.
Your hand pushed away some of his hair that had fallen in his face, putting it behind his ear. "Th- thank you, mommy, God thank you for letting me fuck you." You could feel his hips speed up a little on their own volition and you tugged a few strands signaling to slow down again.
"Doing so good for me, baby. You're my good boy right?" He nodded quickly, keeping the pace slow. Languidly thrusting against you. You're planting kisses on his throat, sucking hickeys onto his collarbone.
"Do you wanna cum, bunny? Wanna fill mommy up like a good boy?" Fingers digging into his cheeks, forcing him to look into your eyes. His gaze was hazy with pleasure and glassy from unshed tears. "Make mommy come first and you can come inside me."
Spencer's eyes widened and in a matter of seconds, he was thrusting into you at full speed. His hand snaking down to play with your clit. "Yes, thank you, I'll be good. I'll make you come."
His hand was making quick work at bringing you right to that delicious edge, feeling it become tighter and tighter in your stomach while he pounded into you like a wild beast. Your legs were wrapped around his waist, the angle making him hit that magical spot inside you every time.
You're moaning unrestrained into his ear, no doubt garnering noise complaints again, but you couldn't care less. "Spence, yes just like that! You fuck me so good, always so good. So big inside me." You're chanting his name like a prayer as he pinched your clit one last time before you fell over the edge, your end bringing his own.
Feeling you clench down on him hard and pulse around him. A strangled "Oh, shit, I-" before you feel him fill you up completely. He pumped into you a few more times before stilling and laying down on you, careful not to put all of his weight on you.
You could feel his seed trickle out of you, making a mess on the sheets under you. You stroked Spncer's hair and planted big wet kisses all over his face and neck, anywhere you could reach. "I love you so much, baby."
Spencer is smiling down at you, that big goofy smile that you loved so much. "I love you too, and thank you."
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Emily Prentiss x Reader
Season 7 Episode 1 spoilers, Canon divergent, angst, faked death, funeral, fluff, nightmares, comfort.
Requested by @wanhedaskaiprisa and Anonymous
The eggplant painted fingers of Penelope Garcia were wrapped tightly around your back as she guided your steps through the field. On your right Derek Morgan's strong hand was clutched around your forearm, bracing you, prepared to pull you up at the slightest shakes in your knees.
Your eyes were clouded with tears as you glanced around your surroundings, blurs of people who were here for the political capital, conveniently a lack of Emily's mother who never approved of your relationship from the one state dinner you shared, and most importantly the BAU, surrounding you, protecting you, they were truly a family, a broken family who lost a member.
You were supposed to give a eulogy, you were supposed to rattle off the list of her accomplishments, you were supposed to display the correct amount of tears and say you would love her forever. Instead JJ took one look at you and took the notes out of your hands.
She was the better griever between the two of you, she was the one who got over cases quicker, but still there was something uncanny about the way she handled her speech. It didn't phase you, you were frankly a mess, a loss for words, a hopeless case. It's funny how hard it is for the human brain to empathize with loss, because before you had known what it was like to fall for Emily Goddamn Prentiss, you could never feel the victims wives and husbands pain, but with the scorching tears swelling your eyes and burning your skin you appreciated a new understanding for them. Too bad it took you weeks to be back in the field.
The first days were the easiest, you were in shock, you were fine. Penelope came to check on you every morning, you had Sergio, you had Emily's apartment.
On the fourth day you woke up and didn't get out of bed. When Penelope came to check on you Sergio had broken into the bag of cat food, and she decided to take him home with her when you couldn't look her in the eye.
After a month you came back to work, only to help Derek with finding Doyle, to be honest it wasn't work, it was Reid holding back his genius so you could feel like you were helping and Penelope showing you pictures of cats while you hung back from the field in her office.
That was until Hotch decided the team needed a little more help on the Doyle case.
His suited figure stepped away from the door frame and there was Emily Goddamn Prentiss.
She looked around. She mumbled something about how much it killed her. She hugged Spencer and Derek, and finally she made eye contact with you.
Your hands were bitten raw and your eyes were blurred in tears.
"Y/N...."
"Emily."
"I'm so so sorry."
"FUCK YOU. You couldn't give me a single word? A LETTER?? Was it even real, was I just another one of your covers? HOW CAN YOU EVEN PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT ME?!"
"Wait-"
You ran for your life, you didn't even know where you were going. You heard voices yelling back at you, you ignored them. You got coffee, you spilled the cup. You went home and you didn't leave. You didn't eat,
you slept for so long.
Then Emily finally returned, apparently Doyle was dead, apparently she could stay with you now.
It started with cleaning, the apartment was a mess, you two cleaned together, silently. You sang your hearts out to cheesy pop songs and you took care of Sergio after Penelope brought him back.
She slept in the guest room, you slept on her side of the bed.
One night you were dreaming. Dreaming? No, you were screaming and crying in your sleep. You were having a terror, it was the same one as always.
You were woken up by a squeeze in your wrist and a light shake of your torso.
"Y/N. You're okay, you're safe, I'm right here."
You woke up dizzy and exhausted with tears welling your eyes.
"Come here."
She had your head in her lap and your heartbeat rested to line up with hers.
"It helps if you talk about it."
"Ok"
You took a deep breath, you stuttered and your voice shook.
"Me and..
and him we were racing to get to you first, he always won."
"Honey"
"He carved his name into you... And I couldn't do anything."
"It's not your fault."
"I couldn't do anything."
"Hey! I'm right here. I'm okay now. I'm here and you're safe, were safe."
She wrapped her hands around your head, she held you tightly, you had never felt so safe, and you couldn't believe yourself. You were safe in her arms again. You were unbelievably trusting her again. Honestly you wouldn't change a thing.
#criminal minds#aaron hotchner#incorrect criminal minds quotes#emily prentiss#incorrect quotes#behavioral analysis unit#jennifer jareau#david rossi#spencer reid#emily prentiss x reader#emily prentiss fanfiction#fanfiction#fanfic#fanfic request#found family#season 7
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i watched all 15 seasons of criminal minds in 29 days. these were my thoughts
----------
Garcia being normal Garcia: 🤪
Hotch, quietly: remind me to have her drug tested
-
Reid: Kevin and Penelope sitting in a tree? JJ, that's just dangerous, do you know the statistics on-
-
"yeah I'm fine, he wrote me a letter explaining why he left, just like my father did when he left my mother and I" REID LMAO
-
Gideon and Hotch giggling happily over charlie chaplin films <3<3 work dads
-
man with multiple personalities: do I *look* like personality no.2??
Reid [staring directly into the camera]: 👁️👁️
-
Reid making mini rockets and Hotch being a grumpy proud dad about it fhevfhhevdhsgdvsh THEM
-
"If I weren't a lesbian, I would absolutely jump your bones" [aimed at Gideon]
-
psychopath who only wants to talk to Reid: 😚
Reid: why don't i ever get any normal fans :(
-
Random detective [about Reid]: where did you find this kid?
Rossi, whispering: He was left in a basket on the steps of the FBI
-
Hotch: we do not have jurisdiction over this very personal set of cases
The Team: 🥺🥺🥺🥺
Hotch: ......okay just be quIET ABOUT IT
-
Rossi: My wife always said I had a flair for the dramatic
Hotch: Which one?
Rossi: ...all of them 😀
-
Morgan, Reid, Emily, Garcia [staring Hotch down]: we love and care for you
Hotch: im gonna kms
-
Rossi, interrogating a suspect: I fucked your wife (real not fake)
-
Hotch: Son, you're taking over the business
Morgan: Oh! A promotion!?
Hotch [dumping paperwork in front of him]
Morgan: Oh no! A promotion!!
-
[during Hotch's review after The Reaper incident]
Strauss, to the team: 😡😡 Hotch 😡😡
Strauss, to Hotch: 😔😔 Hotch 😔😔
-
Hotch: any word on Prentiss?
JJ: she's arguing with the doctors
Hotch, nodding: Good
-
Hotch: There are lots of ways sons defeat their fathers
Reid, cheerfully: I just keep getting PhD's!
-
[about budget cuts]
Rossi: Let's just hope they don't take the coffee
Reid, very seriously: I'd quit
Rossi: well yeah, that'd save them about 50 bucks a week
-
[looking at a machine gun]
Reid: I don't think I have the qualifications to use that
Hotch & Morgan, in unison: You don't.
-
[the most suspicious man alive, saying something extremely suspicious]
Emily Prentiss: yes sir I will follow you to this dark secluded secondary location
-
Every member of the BAU: ily
Prentiss, with an arsenal of guns: BACK! BACK, STRANGE CREATURES!
-
Strauss holding back the entire BAU by the scruffs of their necks like feral cats: I Wish I Had Dogs
-
Morgan, sending all the press to Reid: 😀
Reid: No more FBI I'm becoming a criminal just to kill you
-
Strauss: Please hire someone normal
Hotch: Here's Doctor Reid, a child who has never passed a field test
Strauss: I'm literally begging you
-
Victim: what are you doing????
Unsub: well this is a *gun*, and inside of it are what we call *bullets*
-
"a member of the team is in jeopardy"
me: is it Reid? I really hope it's Reid.
-
Garcia: altruism is sexy
Hotch, very seriously: yes it is
-
The BAU team's nosiness
VS
Reid's secrecy over a girl
- FIGHT -
-
Random teen: Get fucked old man
Rossi: Gamer on gamer violence. This is so sad.
-
Blake: I don't have any children...except Reid
Reid: I'm not your child though?
Blake: EXCEPT REID
-
Anyone: I love you
Reid, just not like other girls: ....Thomas Merton?
-
Blake: People just need to say what they mean
Reid: Life would be so much easier without chit-chat
[A Tale as Old as Time - Autism Bros™]
-
Reid: I don't like technology
Garcia: Technology doesn't like you, genius
-
Rossi: All of my marriages have failed, I'm not exactly what you would call a family man
Hotch: We literally have 5 kids together
-
[on first meeting]
Hotch: I'm offering you a job hunting psychopaths
Garcia, caught trying to stop animal testing: I *am* a psychopath
-
Rossi, joining the BAU: I have gotten a first husband, fourth wife, and multiple children just by entering this office. I'm the real family speedrunner
-
Reid: My dad leaves and suddenly I've got new contenders lining up like it's the bachelor
Hotch: You're not even that great a son
Reid: You were literally first in line
-
Bomb Squad: You called??
Morgan: Early bird gets the explosive worm, bitch
-
Hotch: How long do you need to do this impossibly long task that no one else could complete?
Reid: Like 30 minutes
Hotch: Awesome. Do it faster
-
Reid: I'm arresting you for murder
Cat: ...are we about to kiss?
-
Cat: You have mommy issues
Reid: L + Ratio. You have daddy issues *worse*
-
Morgan: It's my turn to be kidnapped and tortured
Reid and JJ: nnOOO MY BRAAAANDD
-
Alvez: Why won't you be nice to me
Garcia: I'm always nice. Look, this is my nice face 😒
-
Prentiss: This guy is probably a loner, definitely has commitment issues...
Alvez, just made a full-course meal for his dog: 😤
-
UnSub: I NEED A DOCTOR
Tara, cocking a gun: I'm not taking appointments
-
Reid: I need to take some time off to look after my mom
[is arrested for drug posession and murder in Mexico]
Reid: ........so how's my mom?
-
The Team: We're so worried about Spencer in prison
Reid: I made friend :]
-
Prentiss: Luke is snarky. You are snarky. Please just try to get along
Garcia: You don't understand. We cancel each other out
-
Reid, entering prison: I am going to make So Many enemies
-
Mr Scratch, doing anything: 😏
The Team: It's a trap. Let's go!
-
Alvez: I can tell, you're a cat person
Prentiss: Got the nine lives to go with it, bitch
-
Cat: I'm pregnant. It's yours
Reid, shocked: You mean you're not a virgin?!
Cat:
Cat: I wish I killed you the first time round coME HERE-
-
Prentiss: I need a person I love and trust to relax with
Reid: ....are you gaslighting me into resting?
Prentiss: Yes. And it'll fuckin work.
-
Barnes: Don't you want to be unit chief? Don't you have....ambitions?
JJ: I'm ambitious about killing you. Wanna see?
-
Garcia: I hate newbie. He's terrible and stupid and has a dumb face and dumb thoughts-
Alvez: We literally just took a selfie together
-
Alvez:
Tara: ur mom
Alvez: I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING SAY ANYTHING?
-
JJ, married with 2 kids: I'm a little bit in love with you
Reid, who took her on one date 15 years ago: 😯
-
Rossi: You can't ground me! I'm your dad!!
Prentiss: AND I'M YOUR FUCKING BOSS. GROUNDED!
-
[Luke and Matt go missing]
Prentiss: The boys! They took our boys!!
Reid: I'm.....right here?
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So to recap:
Prentiss's entire character this season is wrapped up in Being the Boss. We never see her outside of work or hear about anything she has going on outside of work. She doesn't really interact with the team in a friend capacity anymore.
JJ's arc this season has been all about her and Will's relationship adjusting to new things, like them aging and things like illness becoming a problem, time and complacency lulling them into forgetting to spend time together, and theor kids growing up and being far more aware of their jobs and what those jobs entail. Frankly this is the only arc this season that doesn't make me want to eat glass.
Rossi has been robbed of all the warmth and mischief that made him so fun as a character. He's a mean old man, and tbh his character feels like it belongs in a far grittier crime procedural than the one he's in. I'll give credit where it's due and admit that at least in his case there's a reason for the change that makes sense, and Joe Mantegna is absolutely killing every scene where they give him more to do than glare at everything. But it's still pretty shitty of them to write him a whole speech about how he has nothing left when he has a wholeass daughter and grandson out there who presumably still love and miss him.
Tara is possibly the second most egregious character assassination by this mess of a season. Gone is the driven, determined woman who takes no shit from anyone, is fiercely dedicated to her work, and will leave a toxic love interest in the dust without flinching. This Tara's spark has been replaced by the glow of new love, but that glow quickly soured for me when the writers had Tara's girlfriend Rebecca issue an ultimatum Tara couldn't comply with even if she wanted to, and then dump her for things she couldn't actually control. Then, instead of Tara telling her to go fuck herself like she should have done, they had Tara pine after her to the point of neglecting her job and apologize for revealing that Rebecca's whole career was built on arresting and imprisoning the wrong man. OG Tara would have shed deadweight Becky like a bad jacket, but "Evolved" Tara? She doesn't even correct the woman when she pronounces her name wrong!
Luke's character is criminally underutilized this season, though given what's been done to the characters who got attention from the writers, I'm beginning to think I ought to be glad of that. We've learned nothing really new about his character this season except that he and Penelope went on their date, and it was awkward, and they never tried again. Adam is doing the most for us with his facial expressions this season, but even that only twists the knife in context. Which brings me to...
Garcia. Oh my god, Penelope, what have these bastards DONE to you? At first I was excited to see how Penelope had changed, having gained a centered assertiveness that she lacked in the original show while still remaining the ultimately caring, compassionate person we all knew and loved. But then the writers decided that "leaving a job that was ultimately a form of self-harm in the name of heroics" meant "pursuing what feels good at the cost of all else," and in the course of a few episode Penelope went from my all-time favorite member of the BAU to someone I can barely stand to watch. From sleeping with a material witness (something she knows is wrong on multiple levels, as she warned Derek about getting too involved with witnesses and victims' families years ago) and putting the entire BAU at risk, to the frankly callous and cruel way she treats Luke like an afterthought with no feelings to hurt at every turn, the "Evolved" Penelope is a selfish, irresponsible, reckless person that I want far away from the rest of the BAU before she can do them any more damage.
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I was rewatching season 5 and I'm sorry but I find the episode immediately after hotch gets his shit wrecked by foyet so funny bc they're all treating him like he's this unhinged psycho like abdjfjds yeah I GET that that's what he was supposed to be like but the way they executed it, he really wasn't that out of order. It's just funny to me when he did like literally anything the other character on screen would look at him like 😧😦🫢
i actually find this soooo interesting for so many reasons.
foyet is the first "big bad" we really get for criminal minds. i've said a lot about whether this was a good directional shift for the show, but it was an interesting move to target the team leader first. hotch has, for the most part, gone largely unrecognized by the drama of the show so far. sure he's had his divorce blah blah, but he doesn't talk about it much. if he doesn't talk about it, the team's curiosity will fade sooner rather than later. that seems to be his strategy whenever something is going on with him. and it tends to work.
but now it's different. this was a serious event that happened. they can't help but recognize the severity of what just happened, and there's a palpable difference in the team dynamic because of it. so when everyone has their eyes on hotch, scrutinizing his every move, i don't think it's necessarily because he's acting different (even tho he is--even if his general risk assessment is the same, he's still initially snappier towards friends and strangers than they're used to seeing from him), but because they're aware of his presence in a way that they're not accustomed: he's vulnerable. he's not the unbreakable monolith of stability the team has believed him to be this whole time. i think a big reason why it hit the team so hard isn't just because of what happened, but the way their relationships have all developed up until now.
morgan and garcia are very clearly the most concerned out of everyone. beyond their closeness, i think that has a lot to do with both of them losing a parent/parents at a young age. seeing their leader--who they have so much respect and love for--severely wounded fucks them up!! hotch more or less holds a father figure role in both of their lives, and it's not something that appeared out of nowhere (and here i'll add reid since he doesn't have the trauma of a parent's death, but he does see hotch as a parental figure). it's the result of years and years of building trust, both in character and as a symbol of strength and security (which is now relevant to jj, whose whole character development is about trying to emulate that mythical strength). their faith is shaken in him--not because of his own actions, but because of their own idealized concept of him that was challenged by hotch's very very human fallibility. even emily, who doesn't rely on him emotionally the way the rest of the team does, is disturbed, but only because she sees him as a protector of the team--as a protector of the new chance of life she has with them. now that that's threatened, she needs to see his safety through with her own eyes (which is why she's the first to notice him missing, and the one who needs to drive him to and from work after this). he's the rock of the team, and no one expects the rock to crack.
i hate when rossi ends up the voice of reason, but in this case it really makes sense. he doesn't have any aggrandized notions of who hotch is: he watched hotch grow within the bau. rossi knows how to push hotch, when to push hotch, because he knows hotch won't break easy. even when hotch hates himself, like the original omnivore episode, rossi doesn't hesitate to shove a gun in hotch's hand and tell him to kill himself because he knows hotch would never. rossi's perfectly aware of the weaknesses hotch refuses to let the rest of the team see. when rossi tries to assuage derek's worries, it's not because he doesn't care, but because he knows not to stifle him. he knows hotch will get through this, he just needs time. i think everyone's reaction to hotch's return is perfectly emblematic of their relationship to him: morgan questions his authority suddenly because the inherent trust is lost. emily is above all worried about his safety because she knows that jeopardizes the team. reid is worried but he doesn't interfere because, as far as he's concerned, hotch can handle it. garcia is worried but doesn't interfere because she doesn't know how to help. jj's concern is more akin to pity because the bastion of strength she's respected for so long ended up being just as human as the rest of them. rossi's concern for hotch is on the back burner because he sees that the team is fracturing around the edges
i love 5x02 because we spend surprisingly little time on hotch dealing with his emotions; instead, we focus on the team dealing with hotch's vulnerability. they're fully aware of him for the first time, and they overreact to everything they would normally accept at face value. they rarely question his judgment before this because they trust him implicitly. he's proven himself, and it's heartbreaking that--through no fault of his own--he has to build that trust back. rossi says to derek "we have to show we have his back." derek interprets that as watching his back, to double check every decision and making sure he's alright based on those decisions. even jj knows that, given the heat he's getting from his superiors, that's the last thing hotch needs.
#i had to open tumblr on my laptop for the first time in years to answer this bc i needed a proper keyboard to express my thoughts#so if anything looks super fucked up thats why#asks
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Do you have any Emily HCs?
my emily Thots aren't as well developed as my jj Thots, but like walk with me here:
emily, possibly moreso than anyone else in the bau, is very concerned with how her appearance impacts her being taken seriously (she lowkey gets really pissed off every time she's used to honey trap an unsub because why is it always her?)
stoner emily is very important to me
her favourite movie is death becomes her, and one halloween she and penelope do a madeline ashton and helen sharp costume together
swiftie emily (she's a speak now-red-evermore-midnights girly)
she really fucks with a seasonal starbucks drink
this one's like especially underdeveloped but i feel like emily had like a preppy-cruel intentions type of phase in like her second year of university when she really didn't know what she wanted to do and was starting to resign herself to the idea that she'd be a bored socialite for the rest of her life, so she started hanging out with all her mom's rich friends kids and kind of living that gossip girl lifestyle. it lasted for around eight months until there was a cia recruitment event held on campus and she was like...wait this could really piss my mom off, let me check this out
#emily prentiss hc#like i said these aren't as developed as my jj thoughts but like#cm#emily prentiss
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I'm going to make some predictions for Criminal Minds: Evolution. It is officially two months til the premiere and here's what I think we're going to get (lots of this will be based on that sneak peek interview):
UPDATED: 26/11 (Ep 1-2) GREEN is correct prediction. RED incorrect. (Subscript is comments)
Emily: She's section chief now. She has grey hair now and there is a 50/50 chance they will write a line that's like 'LOL Wow Prentiss, the job is so hard you went grey!' but also equal odds no one says ANYTHING about it. Emily gets the band back together and she's just a v good badass. I DO NOT for a second believe they're going to make Emily canonically queer. They're probably going to double down and give her a sex scene with some generic dude. But she'll be able to say 'FUCK' and that's great. I love that for her.
JJ: I STG if they give us some wild Willifer sex scene (I had to witness that innuendo and Emily saying people were getting laid so it counts!) ....dksjlahdlksahl. *CRINGE* Henry is *14* now, that's bananas y'all. He's in HIGH SCHOOL. Michael is also in school now?!?!?! HOW???? She'll talk about it but we may not even see her fam bc it's ten episodes and they only ever get brought out of the prop closest like once every three years. She and Will went to NOLA for a while then moved back to DC. She'll talk about how nice it was to be away for a bit but ultimately 'I missed the BAU because this is my family' bc we have seen time and time again how she makes excuses to be at work vs being with Will lmao
Tara: They're going to give Tara a love interest and I honestly doubt it's not gonna be a dude. She and JJ have teamed up to go over every single case request for however long and so there will be JARA, which is delicious. But again, I won't for a single second hold my breath thinking they're going to suddenly make an MC queer just because it's streaming or whatever. Being on network TV was never the issue, so I don't feel like streaming isn't going to flip a magical gay switch in the show runners.(SO FUCKING HAPPY I WAS WRONNNNGGGGG!!!!!) I think we'll get some good Tara storylines though which will be SO SO good because she is the perfect character!
Rossi: I think it's SO obvious they're going to kill his wife. Probably via the pandemic. Because this show is so obsessed with trauma porn. He's unit chief now which is funny considering how much he hated it when he was interim UC before Emily came back. But it's pretty on brand because none of the show runners have ever understood continuity, why start now? I think they're going to use his wife's death to fuel him being like “I know I'm old but I just need something to do and something to make me feel useful and this is all I know. So I'm back!"
Luke: Obviously Luke and Garcia went on a date, that's been confirmed. Again, I dunno if we'll get to see Garvez on screen. At least, not how we want! I think maybe they dated a bit and now that they're back, there will be a moment of adjustment to seeing each other and things being slightly awkward but then they'll go back to their banter and shit. I just don't think this show is going to actually give us an inter-team romance on screen. I will be SO happy if they do, but I'm not holding my breath
Garcia: Obvs what I said about Luke. I think Garcia will be the one that's hardest to convince to come back. She left because those last few seasons were SO hard on her. Like this ray of sunshine had SO much shit happen to her and I think she would very much be hesitant to come back. Someone, (Rossi) (should be Luke but probably will be like JJ) will convince her to come back because the team really needs her. There will be an emotional scene where she talks about her PTSD from the BAU but then she'll just be like 'yeah, okay I'm back'. Because this show never actually addresses trauma (CANNOT BELIEVE THEY TALKED ABOUT GOING TO THERAPY!?!? WHAT A CONCEPT!)
Place your bets guys, gals, nonbinary pals. WHATEVER we get in two months, will be a TRASH FIRE. I don't have any doubts about that part. I do not expect the reboot to be any better than the show, which is an absolute dumpster fire....but it's our dumpster fire. So here we are!
Also, you are allowed to have other opinions. This is mostly a post for me to write my thoughts so I can check back when the show airs to see if I was right or not. This is not an invitation for discourse, my nerds.
#criminal minds#cm reboot#cm evolution#cm meta#emily prentiss#jennifer jareau#tara lewis#david rossi#luke alvez#penelope garcia#cm head!canon
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16x6 - short analyses
So, here my thoughts, as I promised.
First, I have to say that luckily I have considered the "we find Luke" after 1 seconds theory. It was the worst for garvez, because Penelope needed a lot of time of scare to admit her feellings for Luke. Anyway, let's start.
First scene.
Penelope runs to her office to try fix things. She and Rossy see that JJ is good.
She is just so scared, her chin is trembling. She can barely breath. And the, she says: I take back every mean thing I said.
I think we already discussed it, that's a big declaration! She didn't say the same the other times Luke was in trouble.
And also "Please, let him be okay".
When she says "Bring them home, Emily, she looks so tough. She wants them back so hard.
Then... good news: Luke is alive. Bad news: we will not have a hospital love confession etc etc. Another waste chance. We got a Luke-Emily hug and I just can't stop being garvez obsessed and notice the difference between his hugs with others and with Penelope.
Meanwhile, there is another situation under way. Penelope goes to Tyler to inform him they found his sister, not alive.
Penelope is busy with both, the case/Luke in danger then found and safe, but also the Tyler thing. Why? Because she is caring. This is one reason because we love her, don't forget it! She makes it not because she has a crush on Tyler, they won't make me believe it, but just because Penelope is Penelope. She can't see people suffer. She makes everything to feel them better.
My first thought watching this scene was "why are you there? You should be another place. Luke also needs your support, hugs etc! Go on, girl!". She must heard me, because, here we are.
Second scene.
Penelope is waiting at the BAU, running in an anxious way, even if she already knew they are all safe.
Finally, they arrive.
Luke is so happy to see her, I'm crying.
And she says Oh. Oh. Those faces!
My heart!
Thank you, universe, for bringing them back.
Luke face is so sweet here. You can also hear his "aaaah" as he is enjoying the moment, be in the moment, as she said a lot of time ago.
Even Luke.
Penelope finally leans her head on Luke shoulder as I wanted for so much time, even if with JJ in the middle.
And she takes his hand.
Ooh. Ooh, I love this.
She must hugged him to strong, because Luke whines. This time she just doesn't want to break the contact.
Third scene.
Penelope is helping them by home, you know why.
But then, we hear a weird noise.
And Luke too. Emily asks What was that?
And Penelope answers "My cat". But nobody believe her, I swear. They really think we can forget the fact that Emily is a cat person and, especially, in this season we discoverde Luke babysitting Sergio more than once??? And why she has to lie?
Then Luke asks "Are you safe? That sounded like Bigfoot."
And looks at his face and also Emily's.
Penelope replies "Okay, I'll have you know that the reason why I'm working from home for the rest of the day is because I'm trying to get the Black Queen and Sergio to learn to share space, and that...", then she finds something. Luke isn't done yet, thought.
Go feed that cat! It sounds like a joke, but also a provocation, and for me is because he fucking know that the sound was human, male, to be accurate. She smiles.
And then, happens something with Tyler. I don't ship them, but. Yes, there is a but. I can understand why he tries to kiss her. They share a moment of fully comprension, I don't know how to say that. When you share a moment like this with someone, you feel full of love and happiness, because you feel understood, I don't know the exactly adjective in English (for the ones that don't know, I'm Italian). Compreso, capito. Tyler feels in this way, when Penelope tells him about the hole to fill. He looks at her in a weird way, she doesn't look away and then, he tries to kiss her. She runs away.
I bet that she made something similar during her date with Luke. I can so easy imagine it. I already explained my reasons for this behavior, in short: for fear, and because she was in too much changings. Luke should have just kissed her during the damn party. I'm not blaming him, though. It wasn't their right time. But I'm still hope that it will come. Soon.
Then, we see Penelope and Tyler walking and she has a vision. She sees something about the case. She gives him her keys and calls a taxy. He asks her if he can help and she turns back and... yeah, I hate that. She kisses him. She smiles and then goes away. He seems happy and confused.
I saw it more than once and I can't see romantically stuff. It sounds like a thank kiss. It's not fair not only for garvez, for Luke etc, but even for Tyler, because it wasn't the right moment. He just discovered about his sister. He was drunk (maybe now sober) and emotionally unstable. And I think Penelope too. Because she is just like a sponge. You know the emotion sponge theory? You should take a look, if you don't. It's perfect for Penelope.
Fourth scene. The last of this episode.
I have to say a thing, first. The fact that the episode doesn't end with Tyler and Pen together is good. This also should take us hope. I don't want to force anybody, but I will go down with this ship. I'm not surrendering.
Okay, so the team is discussing about the case.
Hey! Hey! Forgive me. I know this is not my area of expertise, but... But I was on a walk with... Never mind that.
Whose is the first reaction we see? Luke. Coincidece? I don't believe that. The editing passes from Penelope rambling directly to his reaction. He smirks and turns to JJ, that is also looking at him. She also smirks. We can't forget that she was so many time the witness of their little moments (little and so most important). She must think "Oh God, we are still there after 7 years!".
There is another little thing to say. Luke notices Alison Green wouldn't fit that pattern. Right Tyler sister, uh? And she replies Alison Green... Alison Green worked at Delilah's, which still exists and is on Oak Street, but in 2007, Oak Street was an extension of Second Street.
Then we see two times Luke reaction while she is explaining the reason why Alison can be included, and I don't think (also don't care if is just my garvez crazy mind) that his expression here is just for the case. For me, is "how the fuck she knows that details?" and he is thinking she didn't found it by home. If so, she could call them by there. She doesn't have to run here. His faces here are just so similar to the ones of the moment before descovering about Penelope stalker. When he was wondering bad, and he was right. Luke is almost unable to take his eyes off her, until Rossi brings him to duty.
-
Conclusion: as I said, I won't give up. I'll wait until the last scene of the show. This doesn't mean that I feel not betrayed, fooled etc by CM writers, socials etc. But I give them a little chance to make this reasonable. Luke asked Penelope out not long after he said broken up with Lisa. He needed Lisa to understand what he really wanted (it happened even in real life, and is as not good as in fictional world). Maybe Penelope needs the same. Hope that it wouldn't last as Luke/Lisa thing, because we have just 4 episodes and even if we will got another season, they have to fix it the situation in this current one, not leave it for the possible next. We deserve it.
Don't know this will serve to show us a new dynamic, i.e. Penelope with someone while Luke is single (I suppose), and not only about jealousy situation...
⛴️I will go down with this ship, anyway. We still can pretend that this CME never existed, you know? 😉
P. s. sorry if I typed wrong, I'm not so good right now as I said (about health stuff, but nothing serious, don't worry) and I just needed to spit this out.
Analysis of garvez scenes
#garvez#criminal minds#cm#penelope garcia#luke alvez#criminal minds evolution#criminal minds reboot#penelope x luke#luke x penelope#garcia x alvez#alvez x garcia#penelope garcia x luke alvez#luke alvez x penelope garcia#tyler green#16x6
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My reactions as I watch 16.9 (I know I'm gonna hate this but here we go)
Also: I realized right before the start of this episode that I get to cross "Penelope calls Luke a nickname" off my Garvez bingo card because of "my liege," so you know what? A win is a win.
One minute in and I'm already on the verge of tears because of Krystall. But at least I'm also crossing "flashback to the missing time between seasons" off my bingo card!
Emily you have no right to look that gorgeous in this sad of a scene
Scratch that I'm not on the verge of tears, I'm actually crying. "I couldn't watch them put the coffin in the ground" GODDAMMIT
"Do you think she'll forgive me?" IT IS TOO FUCKING EARLY IN THE MORNING TO BE CRYING THIS HARD
Have we... ever seen Rossi cry before? Like, I know he was sad when Carolyn died, but did he cry? Because how hard he's crying right now is tearing my heart to absolute shreds.
"His name is agent David Rossi" Elias: FUCK that's not good
How tf is he gonna spin that Rossi is dangerous????
Tara you look stunning and I adore you
OH FUCK VOIT IS RIGHT THERE
Oh god another flashback... am I ready for this?
May 2022... and an Al-Anon meeting? Who????
Oh my god, this is how Tara and Rebecca met? And they have almost identical backstories, that's really heartbreaking.
"I have to work on myself first." Did you do that, Rebecca? How well did it work for you?
Tara and Rebecca's first-ever interaction was kind of adorable ngl
Tara, babes, did YOU of all people automatically assume her ex was a man? You, a pansexual? Who has canonically dated men and women in the past?
Rebecca standing up for the BAU??? I love to see it
Bless you, Emily, for giving Tara and Rebecca the time to talk alone
Rebecca's moving to Sacramento and I'm crying again because I just want Tara to be happy. (Tara please go cry to Luke so I can get some Platonic TarVez moments and then go make out with Emily, please I beg)
"Goodbye, darling." OUCH. WHAT THE FUCK. THAT WAS BRUTAL.
I'm actually really liking this episode so far, I'm sure that won't last though.
Sicarius saying "I've read every single one of your books" is probably going to mess with Rossi for a bit, especially since we know because of the original series that Gideon warned him something like this could happen, that Rossi was essentially writing manuals on how to get away with it.
The way he mentioned acid, which is the stuff in the last kill kit. I wonder if Sicarius is intentionally giving things away or if he doesn't know how much they know
Okay the fact that Sicarius is sometimes pulling inspiration directly from Rossi's books is going to haunt him
"Every time you write one of these books you have to be careful how much detail you include, because if you're not careful... you're giving a wannabe killer rules for killing." DID I NOT JUST SAY
"I'd almost feel sorry for that poor son of a bitch. Almost." Unpopular opinion: I love David Rossi
Sicarius mentioning Rossi's wives is gonna fuck with him
I wanna know what it is that Elias gave Rossi to "prove" he's not Sicarius
Every time Luke and Penelope are together in a frame, even if it's just for 2 seconds, I hold on to it because I need Garvez crumbs in my life
Penelope why did you LOOK OVER AT LUKE when JJ mentioned Tyler Green??????
GARCIA I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU BRING GREEN INTO THIS WHILE YOU ARE STANDING RIGHT BESIDE THE MAN WHO'S BEEN IN LOVE WITH FOR SEVEN YEARS I'M GONNA SCREAM
GODDAMMIT
The fact that Will brought in Tyler Green has me imagining that phone call from JJ, and even though JJ doesn't know everything, it's kinda funny with the context. Kinda.
I am really dreading this scene though.
Ngl that "Alvez and I" both broke my heart (bc she's not calling him "Luke") and made it soar (bc I'm taking CRUMBS)
Well, FUCK. Either Tyler Green can't identify him... or Sicarius has something on him to prevent him from identifying him. Maybe the rest of his family, like Alison's kid... or maybe Garcia? (I really want Green to be a bad dude)
The looks Luke just gave between Garcia and Green... I'm sure he's figuring it out.
Wow, Luke actually getting more than a line at once? I didn't realize the CME writers knew how to do that past the first two episodes (/s)
This little showdown between Luke and Green... I'm kind of here for it
Nooooooooooooooo Garcia do not talk to him alone, I don't want to see this!
Okay, Luke totally knows. The hatred/anger/jealousy is RADIATING off him when he looks at Green. Even when he looked at Garcia as he left. God, I hate this. If the last flashback does actually end up being the Garvez date... I'm gonna cry
"Luke is blunt, but he's not off-target" YES!!! DEFEND YOUR MAN!!!
TYLER GREEN LET GO OF HER HAND I DO NOT WANT YOU HERE
My heart is POUNDING right now, I'm so worried
Okay, I will admit, Elias is spinning a really convincing story
OH GOD DID GARCIA SEND ROSSI A VOICE MEMO MEANT FOR GREEN????
oh god oh god oh god
wait. wait wait. what if Garcia sent that message to Green, who then either made it into a phishing link and sent it to Rossi or he forwarded it to Elias who did that.
TYLER EVIL CANON?????
TYLER GREEN WHAT IN THE EVER-LOVING FUCK ARE YOU DOING WHAT IS HAPPENING?
Wait a goddamn minute... a Tyler flashback?
Tyler Green, what in the actual goddamn hell are you doing?
Oh god, with everything that Elias told his wife, when she sees Rossi in the grocery store aisle, she's gonna freak out
Going back for the alcohol 😂 valid
Rossi I know what you're trying to do, but laying out Sydney's entire life for her is NOT going to make her trust you, it's just going to make her wary of you
HE DID NOT JUST TELL HER SHE'S THE REASON ELIAS IS A SUCCESSFUL KILLER, ROSSI MY DUDE THAT IS FUCKED UP
Oh god are we about to have Luke confront Garcia about seeing Tyler Green? My heart isn't ready. (wait fuck I just remembered that in one of the Garvez ads of social media the caption was "our hearts aren't ready." IS THIS WHAT THEY MEANT???) My heart is POUNDING
"Yikes, you mean it, mean it." LUKE STOP BEING ADORABLE WHEN I KNOW MY HEART IS ABOUT TO BREAK AND SO IS YOURS
Oh god if Luke didn't know before then he definitely knows now. I'm actually shaking.
"We need to talk, you and me." Hanging on to Garvez crumbs even though I know I will be sobbing in the next five minutes
JEALOUS LUKE CANON??? FINALLY???
"Come on, him?" jealous Luke canon and my heart is breaking
"He is marvelous in bed" DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT TO LUKE??? TO LUKE???
Luke trying desperately not to imagine her in bed
"And I need a friend and you're the only one" YEAH AND HE'S ALSO KIND OF YOUR EX, BABES
"Sounds like I'm the last one." OUCH. OUCH. OUCH.
"I just gotta say one thing, all right?" oh god it's gonna be something about them and I'm not okay
"You sure know how to pick 'em." Okay, not what I expected
GARCIA YOU ACTUALLY NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
That scene was ATROCIOUS. But at the same time... weirdly cathartic? I mean it has effectively ruined any hopes I have of Garvez happening, if there were any remaining at all, but at least now I have closure? Sort of?
"Well maybe I am devolving. My career is over, what the hell have I got to lose?" ROSSI WHAT?????? HUH????
Okay, as much as this episode is killing me a bit, I do actually really like it. Like... it's probably the best writing they can do with the shit storylines they've been set up with
Rossi, HOW could you have thought that this was a good idea?
Ooh, and Elias flashback! This is gonna be interesting.
We still have yet to see the third team member flashback, and I'm almost certain it is in fact going to be the Garvez date and I am not ready, but at least I'll have correctly guessed who the three were.
I have to do a separate block of text now, i've written so many notes😂
Look, I know people aren't the biggest fans of Rossi and were kind of upset that we were getting a Rossi-centric episode, but I do not mind. Yes, I'd like a focus on other characters (Luke and Tara) but I still like Rossi.
Okay, so is Tyler Green evil, or is he just hunting down Sicarius to kill him himself? Because if he is evil... I kinda wanna see what happens to Garcia. Who she turns to. Because right now Luke is the only one who really knows everything, and he understandably does not seem like he's in a very comforting mood
Garcia's about to play the message for the entire team and then they're all going to know but it might reveal if Green is actually bad or not. This is giving me flashbacks though to when Scratch cloned Garcia's phone to lure Morgan out.
Lol watch Emily have to suspend Garcia and then the old character who comes back is KEVIN 😂😂😂
EMILY KNOWSSSSSSSSSS
EVERYBODY KNOWSSSSSSSSSSS
(Please give me a Platonic TarVez scene of Tara comforting Luke PLEASE i beg)
Are we about to get our Missing Character Cameo or is it just going to be Will?
"I have to take a leak" "Too bad" did I laugh out loud at this
Elias roasting Rossi about being old is SENDING ME 😂😂😂
Tyler Green what are you doinggggg
Okay so Will and JJ in the field together, I kind of love, but the fact then that since they're obviously sitting beside each other because they're literally married means that GARVEZ Garcia and Luke are sitting beside each other... the tension in that jet must be palpable
TYLER GREEN EVIL CANON???? FR???
Okay so no, I was right, Green is just trying to get to Voit first.
"He looked me right in my face and he lied to me." Garcia, absolutely no one feels bad for you right now.
"Which is what I get for falling for someone with an avoidant attachment style" GIRL YOU'VE KNOWN HIM FOR LIKE 2 WEEKS AND YOU'RE ALREADY SAYING YOU'VE FALLEN FOR HIM???
At least if Garvez is over then Greencia seems to be pretty over too
Luke comforting her anyway... god he really is still in love with her, huh? I mean, this is now how I thought I'd get to cross "she's crying and he comforts her" off my bingo card, but I'll take it
Okay I keep bouncing back and forth on if Green is a bad guy or not
DID ROSSI JUST SPIT IN SICARIUS'S FACE??????????
TYLER GREEN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
GREEN JUST GOT SHOT GODDAMN
Well Greencia's DEFINITELY over now
IT'S THE GARVEZ DATE FLASHBACK AM I READY I THINK THE FUCK NOT
Although this does allow me to cross off "flashback to the Garvez date" off my CME bingo card and "details about their date" off my Garvez bingo card, both things I thought would never happen
Why is it so awkward 😭
Luke is so dressed up I love him
ohh fuck I knew it was Covid that messed them up. Hey, Luke word of advice, don't talk about weird viruses on a first date
"It's not like the world's gonna shut down." well that aged poorly
I hate this I actually hate this why is this so weird
Luke ordering two more glasses of wine for himself I don't whether to laugh or cry. Probably both.
"It felt so good when you asked me out but I'm finding this to be very clunky" @snailsandpuppy-dogtails HOW IN GOD'S FUCKING NAME DID YOU PREDICT THIS ALMOST ENTIRELY IN YOUR TARVEZ BEER FIC
"What were we thinking?" YOU WERE THINKING THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE AND HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS, GODDAMMIT
"Can I share my truth with you?" "When have you ever not" I'M SORRY THAT'S ADORABLE
"I find it very hard to have a conversation with you when I am not dunking on you" that is a LIE. That is a LIE. I have RECEIPTS.
"With us, there absolutely is something there but not that." LIES. LIES. ALL OF IT.
This is making me so upset because there is not an actual world where they would not work out, this is absolute bullshit
"I know that your person is out there" YEAH AND IT'S YOU STFU
"I know that my person is out there" YEAH AND IT'S HIM STFU
"Where?" He desperately wants this to work out and my heart is breaking
"To finding the right person" NO. YOU FOUND THEM. YOU FOUND EACH OTHER. FIRST DATES ARE AWKWARD. IT HAPPENS. WHY WOULD YOU LET THAT STOP FOUR YEARS OF PINING OVER HER????
Why would they show us that scene out of nowhere? Like, Luke and Garcia weren't present before it started and now we're back in the field, it doesn't make a lot of sense.
I know my Garvez hopes should be crushed... but I can't help but think/hope that maybe this is setting up for them to try again
The audacity this episode has to be the most and least Garvez-y
Luke still looking out for Garcia and Green now... and him calling Green "Lieutenant..." the world does not deserve this man
Noooooooooooooo I thought Greencia was over but she's talking about having a future with him 😭😭😭
REBECCA HOLDING TARA'S HAND 😭😭😭
And now they know Rossi's been kidnapped
Overall thoughts? Not bad. I mean I hate how awkward the Garvez date was, and I don't like Greencia, but overall... this wasn't really that bad of an episode.
#Garvez#Penelope Garcia#Luke Alvez#Tyler Green#Tebecca#Tara Lewis#Rebecca Wilson#David Rossi#Emily Prentiss#Jennifer Jareau#Will Lamontagne#Criminal Minds#Criminal minds reboot#Criminal Minds Evolution#CME spoilers
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i saw your reblog of the Matt gifset and what do you mean by "they ruined both of you for this arc?" I get that they made Barnes more despicable in cm compared to cmbb but what about Matt? Is it that the lack of references to his time in the IRT or his reduced role in the Barnes storyline despite their established history in favor of JJ or something else?
it's two different issues, it was just funnier to say that
my bigger issue is barnes, who was absolutely stripped of any and all actual characteristics she had, including but not limited to her positive sides. and god, you can see kim try to do interesting, non-obvious choices, like the few times where she plays some lines like she might just genuinely confused about the hostility and is trying to understand the team better on some level. they took away not just the nuance in her, but also just the most basic fucking things about her, down to using chess metaphors when she specifically says that she "likes boxing" when asked about her aptitude in understanding internal politics as chess. she even got an even shorter haircut than in cmbb, just so we all know she's an Evil Woman.
as for matt. they actually brought in something from the IRT. they actually had something tying to the other show. they could've actually displayed the emotional impact that barnes on matt, allowed for a character episode that ties into something other than family, and expands on the circumstances that led to him transferring. the set-up had SO MUCH POTENTIAL. in blowback, barnes tried to hammer the IRT down when she had every reason to think they were at fault, but eventually took a risk and arrested someone while knowing full well she would make waves and would need to quiet down some details as soon as the evidence was on the IRT's side. in the finale, she pushes for the rules hard, very clearly emotionally distancing herself in the situation bc there's just nothing that be done until jack's wife gets through her and she tells IRT to break the law to get ryan. and after that, presumably they got caught anyway and the unit is disbanded. that's twice she's been an antagonist, twice that she's been the key to saving the day; once fully by the book (if mismanaged by her temper and desire to get things Done over doing things with care), and once by breaking it, which turned out for the worst.
so here we have matt, whom i see as "compassion within the rules" and needs extreme circumstances to blatantly break from that, against barnes, who is "rules regardless of compassion (so make the compassion fit within the rules or help you god)". the bau has had a string of extremely risky behaviour, some acts that absolutely err on the side of wrong from a bureaucratic perspective, and after multiple already concerning events that have included the team, an agent finally died. it is the perfect storm to introduce her to, matt being the perfect opponent and the reason to care about and fear barnes.
so how in the fuck do you manage to not make matt the main character in the ensemble for a single episode during the entire four episode arc.
HOW DO YOU WRITE A THIRD OF THE SEASON TO REVOLVE AROUND THIS AND AT EVERY POINT, THE MOST OF WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT ITS IMPACT ON MATT IS THROUGH REACTION SHOTS SHARED WITH OTHER PEOPLE
HOW IS MATT A MARGIN MENTION IN AN ARC ABOUT HIS OWN ANTAGONIST. WHY IS IT SPENCER THAT COMPELS EMILY TO STAY AND NOT MATT, WITH WHOM EMILY ALREADY HAD A PRE-BAU DYNAMIC WITH AND WHO OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BE THE ONE GOING "I KNOW WHAT'S AT STAKE, AND YOU SHOULD STILL STAY."
anyway tl:dr; barnes being ruined was about her character, matt about the writing of the episodes
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Watching the new episodes of Criminal Minds: Evolution again.
Under a Read More for those avoiding spoilers.
+ Point of clarification: did they retcon that JJ & Will never moved to New Orleans, or are we to believe they moved away then back at some point? -> answered in Ep 2 Will says "since we got back".
+ Garcia's "I used to be good at that" re: putting on English mannerisms made me smile bc callback to when Emily was at Interpol
+ Luke is a sweet sweet guy. I like him a lot, though to be honest I don't pay that much attention to him (because my attention is elsewhere *cough* Prentiss).
+ something really rubs me the wrong way about those "hers" antidepressant ads. They seem kind of creepy / dystopian?
+ I hope we get to know some of Penelope's new friends a bit.
+ it still really cracks me up that Garcia uses such tricked out GUIs on her computer. That shit takes up RAM and makes everything hard to see. Because computer nerd on (network) TV. But also, good for her.
+ the whole SOAR concept is too funny. No one born before the millennium has access besides PG? Does she code and maintain the whole thing all by herself (obvs not)? Are the engineers also only 22 and younger? (this would become a legal issue of ageism in hiring!) Also "unhackable"...so there's some kind of elaborate and potentially invasive verification system to prevent catfish accounts? Really. And once you age out of SOAR are you just thrown to the 30-50 feral hogs with the rest of us?
+ EMILY PRENTISS YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS SHOWSTOPPING I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
+ second time around I continue to appreciate AJ Cook's well muscled shoulders.
+ I'm very happy they got Zach Gilford for this role. Who knows if the writing will ultimately be good (lmao), but he has the range.
+ Director Noodle at it again, throwing a tantrum because Emily Prentiss did not bow to his will. Section Chief Foxiest Silver Fox does not simply roll over and obey (in her professional life at least).
+ lmao the not-an-Oscar-Wilde-quote quote attribution is so unnecessarily dumb
+ Emily & Tara are a great duo. Friends, crime-fighters, (etc!), they just stand up well to one another. The vibes are fabulous. It's the dynamic closest to what Emily had with Derek, that comfortable teasing and trust.
+ also noting that Tara asks Emily if she knows Rebecca Wilson, and apparently she does - enough to know she's at the DOJ. Perhaps they've worked on case(s) together before. Orrrrr maybe they met at some LGBTQ Feds networking event. 😏 Emily does give her a very warm smile when Rebecca shows her face at the BAU.
+ The way Zach Gilford asked unsub #2 "are you disobeying me?"............I don't know, it made my ears perk.
+ in the Garcia / Rossi scene, there is much to enjoy. The insight into Garcia's mindset. Rossi's resigned "I did. I kept falling asleep." I can't help but laugh at PG fully saying "Licensed Clinical Social Worker." I appreciate the specificity, but it's a whole mouthful!
+ fucked up that Garcia's login credentials still work. Any self respecting agency would make you change your password every 3-6 months at least, not to mention she's No Longer Employed There. But who needs real administrative mess when you can have loony toons (plot-based) administrative mess?!
+ Tara wearing a lot of plaid and window pane patterns. Aside from the obvious, it's just a nice costuming choice that remains kind of conservative but sets her apart from the others.
+ Most of the wardrobe is in blues and browns and grays. I wonder if this will change as time goes on (i.e. will Garcia bring the color back) or if that's going to remain through the whole season.
+ Okay, but did y'all also catch the weird look that Rebecca & Luke exchanged in this briefing room scene? It seemed like more than "close the door". Is there some kind of history there?
+ Oh this show is so silly!!!!! So silly, and it still makes me happy. Incredible.
#cm spoilers#criminal minds spoilers#cme spoilers#criminal minds evolution spoilers#cm16 spoilers#spoilers#so many spoiler tags#cm16#criminal minds#criminal minds evolution
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Good news, everyone! I've finished the binge from hell (Criminal Minds).
What made it hellish was that I just could not stop. I don't know if it was also something about the show or just my out-of-control ADHD using this as an excuse to ignore my to-do list. And so this binge took under 2 months, which - FUN FACT! - is shorter than finding a doc these days to get an ADHD diagnosis from (the German healthcare system has such a good reputation, but honestly, shit's been going down the drain since before Covid - and I say that as a city dweller).
If you're wondering how my fragile mind managed to handle this non-stop input of murder and various forms of torture:
Ignore the cases or try to enjoy them as revenge fantasies.
Focus on the team and all the "Hey, I know you from this/that/everywhere!" guest stars instead.
Crochet while watching. I've made such progress, the first of my cherry-pit socks is nearly finished!
I can't believe how long it's been since I've properly watched TV: The season I'm most familiar with is 2! Since other factors hadn't come into play yet, I suspect what caused this was a deterioration in adhering to a schedule (hm, parallel with rl, so I guess due to not being bound by a rl schedule, I slowly lost the ability to keep up with the TV schedule) and my growing passionate hatred of annoying commercials which had led me to getting stuck on Nickelodeon (their ads were also annoying, iirc, but ... uh, idk, can't remember), a documentary channel and CNN (International, that is - such bearable commercials, they should be the model for all).
I liked all the women on the team, which must have been a first. I couldn't tell you a favorite, because every one of them is great in her own way. Let me point out Garcia though, for giving me back the joy of hair decorations. Huh, I thought not having NCIS's Abby in my life anymore didn't impact me, but Garcia made me realize that without Abby my encouragement was gone. Man, do I hate that I need continual encouragement to be myself! So there's another CM binge and the long-time-coming NCIS rewatch with making caps of my girls in my future. Maybe I'll make myself a motivational collage and hang it on the wall above my monitor.
Anyway, on to the team's men! *sigh* Those were mixed bag for me. I mean, nobody was really bad, but it did span the whole range of chest-thumping type (which ugh - although Morgan's relationship with Garcia remains the best thing, they were close and cute but not a thing and that's the queerplatonic shit I wanna see everywhere, fuck yeah!) to guy who's just, idk, there and the that's-my-boy guy. My boy was and still is Reid *pat pat*. And as a bonus during this binge he functioned as my Peter Maximoff substitute. He did that not only by being my fave, but for example also by having messy lightbrown hair. Which, sure, isn't Peter, but it is Evan Peters (I'd like to take this moment to thank the writers for all the Evans and Peterss they put in and the casting person for that one time we got actual EP), who usually is my PM substitute. Hmph, I didn't talk about Spence as much as I meant to, but where to even begin?
How did everyone feel about the revival? It wasn't bad, but it didn't quite feel like previous seasons. I'm not that good at finding out what is bothering me about stuff, so it might have been more things besides it feeling darker visually and too much swearing (I'm generally not against it, but after 15 seasons of it not being there, it just felt so out of place). I wasn't happy with the lack of my boy, but if there's one thing this revival did right, it was the absence of change in the meantime (except for what they put Rossi through), Reid as well as everyone else still worked at the BAU, we just didn't see him and Simmons because they were on assignment.
I kinda want to talk about ALL the things, but I wouldn't be able to remember all that I want and writing all that I do would take sooo long. So if anyone wants to talk about anything specific, I'm here.
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