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adelaidedrubman · 2 years

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5 SONG OTP PLAYLIST

was tagged by @bluemojave my beloved to list five songs that fit my ships! (i also added lyric excerpts because i’m an insufferable menace.) sending tags out to @blackreaches @florbelles @henbased @heroofpenamstan @belorage @marivenah @ishwaris @dihardys @strafethesesinners @jackiesarch @shallow-gravy @beautiful-delirium @confidentandgood @purplehairsecretlair @snake-in-the-garden @schoute @poeti-kat @indorilnerevarine and anyone else who wants to play, as usual head empty + on mobile

1. cosmonauts - fiona apple

your face ignites a fuse to my patience / whatever you do, it’s gonna be wrong / there’s no time to interrupt the detonation / be good to me before you’re gone / when i met you, i was fine with my nothing / i grew with you and now i’ve changed / what i’ve become is something i can’t be without your loving / be good to me, it isn’t a game

2. pink steam - sonic youth

i just come by to run you over / i just come by to see you quiver / you can come, you can slip inside, babe / killer eyes and a burnin’ heart, babe / don’t you know you need no other / i’m the man who loves your mother

3. that don’t impress me much - shania twain

i never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket / and a comb up his sleeve — just in case / and all that extra hold gel in your hair oughta lock it / ’cause heaven forbid it should fall outta place

oh-oh, you think you’re special / oh-oh, you think you're something else / okay, so you’re brad pitt

that don’t impress me much / so you got the looks, but have you got the touch? / now, don’t get me wrong — yeah, i think you’re alright / but that won’t keep me warm in the middle of the night / that don’t impress me much

4. in spite of ourselves - john prine ft. iris dement

she thinks all my jokes are corny / convict movies make her horny / she likes ketchup on her scrambled eggs / swears like a sailor when she shaves her legs / she takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’ / i’m never gonna let her go

he’s got more balls than a big brass monkey / he’s a whacked-out weirdo and a lovebug junkie / sly as a fox and crazy as a loon / payday comes and he’s howlin’ at the moon / he’s my baby, i don’t mean maybe / never gonna let him go

in spite of ourselves, we’ll end up a-sittin’ on a rainbow / against all odds, honey, we’re the big door prize / we’re gonna spite our noses right off of our faces / there won’t be nothin’ but big old hearts dancin’ in our eyes

5. you so done - noga erez

touch without leaving traces / scar me in hidden places, inside / don’t get my mom all worried / not now (kids these days) / losers outplay other losers / guess what that makes the two of us? / rooftop, city shines at sunrise / i’ll let you watch while i jump

what a joke, what a joke you made me / what’s a queen to a joker? tell me / what’s a laugh to a self-destructive me? / what’s a prayer to a death wish? / you so / joke, joke, a jo-joke you made me / a queen to a joker, tell me / what’s home to a claustrophobic? / what’s a sea to a dead fish?

1. seasons bloom - kacy hill

and now i’m seeing your face in the moonlight / i swear that i couldn’t love you more if i tried / but now i’m seeing your face in the moonlight / oh, and you’re making me cry

it’s all the world that i could want / you make me feel like i belong / it’s all the world that i could want / seasons blooming in your arms

2. chemicals react - aly & aj

were you right? was i wrong? / were you weak? was i strong? / yeah, both of us broken caught in a moment / we lived and we loved and we hurt and we jumped, yeah / but the planets all aligned / when you looked into my eyes / and just like that, the chemicals react / the chemicals react

3. angels - the xx

and every day / i am learning about you / the things that no one else sees / and the end comes too soon / like dreaming of angels / and leaving without them / and leaving without them

being as in love with you as i am / being as in love with you as i am / being as in love with you as i am / being as in love, love, love / love, love, love / love, love, love

and with words unspoken / a silent devotion / i know you know what i mean / and the end is unknown / but i think i’m ready / as long as you’re with me

4. omg - gryffin & carly rae jepsen

no chemical could recreate our chemistry / got what i need, need, need / i’m technical but i lose sensibility / when you’re next to me / i feel a boom, feel a bang / inside my soul, love / when you lay me down / when you do it that way i lose control of / all my senses now

5. somebody like me - st. vincent

paint yourself white / clip on the wings / climb high to the top of a building / does it make you an angel / or some kind of freak / to believe enough / in somebody like me? / baby

oh, i (oh, i), guess we’ll see / who was the freak

dress up in white / slip on the ring / walk straight down the aisle / to the violin strings / does it make you a genius or / the fool of the week / to believe enough / in somebody like me? / baby

#also tried to do a decent amount of songs my characters would actually listen to here #that don’t impress me much was actually the hardest to pick an excerpt on.#replace car with plane in the third verse and they literally all fit. but ultimately the hair gel roast won out.#otp: stop bothering these nice folks #otp: a neurochemical con job

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bonvoyagenoona · 3 years

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i can’t believe you’re actually interested in checking the chicklit out, i was actually half expecting you to politely decline 😆😆 so thank you very much for being interested!!

regarding plot points and characterizations that i’d like to point out:

(warning: SO MUCH SPOILER and incoherent rambling ahead so please don’t judge 😂😂)

1.) the book mainly focuses on the female lead (that we’re going to refer to as Lexi for the rest of this ask since that’s her name in the book)’s characterization and missing life trajectory, not so much the romance.

2.) i mean, the romance is still there, but i do however feel like we’re not given much about the male lead (that we’re going to refer to as the architect for the rest of this ask) aside from the fact that he: has got a dry humor, tells it how it is, doesn’t give a single fuck about anything but Lexi and architecture, is sexy (hence me saying that’s yoongi lmao)—which is fair bc the book is told from Lexi’s POV and it’s first person too, no less, so we only get scenes of him when she interacts with him.

3.) i guess what im trying to say is that i actually don’t mind how the romance is done in this book despite the infidelity (mind you i do NOT condone infidelity but like i said before, the infidelity is justified… somewhat) because i have to admit that the architect is kind of irresistible and there’s this one scene of them in the second half of the book where Lexi finds out just how much she loved him before she lost her memory—but i just wish we got to know more about the architect, and how the romance blooms between him and Lexi before AND after the amnesia. (but miss cheryl, please know that this isn’t me trying to dictate you what to write!! you can do whatever you want with your yoongi AU of this!!)

4.) i have to admit that im a sucker for amnesia AUs hence me having picked this book up in the first place. but what i really like about the book is the main essence of it.

allow me to show it to you in the form of an excerpt taken from the book:

““One day, really early on, when we were still just friends, it all came out. The whole story. How that day changed your life. How you took on your family's debt, booked a cosmetic dentistry appointment the next day, went on a crash diet, decided to change everything about yourself. Then you went on TV, and everything became even more extreme. You rocketed up the career ladder. You met Eric, and he seemed like the answer. He was solid, rich, stable. A million miles away from..." he breaks off into silence.

"My dad," I say eventually.

"I'm no psychologist. But I would guess."

There's silence. I watch a small plane heading higher and higher into the sky, leaving a double trail of white smoke.

"You know, when I woke up, I thought I'd landed the dream life," I say slowly. "I thought I was Cinderella. I was better than Cinderella. I thought I must be the happiest girl in the world..." I break off as Jon shakes his head.

"You were living your whole life under a strain. You went too far too soon; you didn't know how to handle it; you made mistakes." He hesitates. "You alienated your friends—you found that the hardest of all."

"But I don't understand," I say helplessly. "I don't understand why I became a bitch."

"You didn't mean to. Lexi, give yourself a break. You were thrust into this boss position. You had a big department to run, you wanted to impress senior management—not be accused of favoritism... and you floundered. You did some things the wrong way. Then you felt trapped. You'd built up this tough persona. It was part of your success."”

oh, look. you don’t have to read the whole book to find out what it’s all about because i basically just spoiled the whole of it to you 😂😂😂

but yeah. although i DO have to mention that there are elements of this book that we could absolutely have done away with (this book was written by a white woman and published way back in 2008), but overall i quite like the book.

LET ME REITERATE THIS TO YOU ONCE AGAIN, MISS CHERYL: THIS IS NOT ME DICTATING YOU WHAT TO WRITE. THIS IS ME MERELY GIVING YOU THE MOTIVATION BEHIND ME SUGGESTING A YOONGI AU OF THIS BOOK TO YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT YOU ARE THE WRITER—YOU DECIDE WHAT TO WRITE AND HOW TO WRITE IT. IF ANYTHING—IF YOU DECIDE TO GO COMPLETELY OFF COURSE OF THIS BOOK THAT ITS BASICALLY AN ENTIRELY NEW STORY? BE MY GUEST!!! JUST AS LONG AS THE OC ENDS UP TOGETHER WITH YOONGI AT THE END LOLOLOLOLOL 😂😂😂😂😂

Ahh, thanks so much for the context and info! I'll check it out and see what pulls me in! Just as a heads-up, I don't really have any set timelines at the moment, and I have a few works in progress, so I don't have an estimate on when I might possibly be able to get this to you.

But!

I absolutely love how much you enjoy this story, and I'm so thankful you shared it with me! The way you shared the idea was intriguing, too. I'm so curious about what happened with Lexi. I'm quite excited to start imagining Yoongi in the architect's / Jon's place. I'm also interested in trying something new as a writer!

Though I pull influence from so much of what I read and watch, I do tend to develop and write my own stories. So, the approach I envision myself taking here would be one where I put my own spin on things. Nevertheless, I do love a Yoongi happy ending! (all kinds 😏)

I hope this is OK, but I've tagged your asks with 📚 Chicklit Anon to make sure I don't lose track of our conversation! Let me know if you'd prefer me to structure my communication with you another way, and I'd be happy to oblige 💜

Thanks for sharing, and I'll keep you posted!

#asks #your asks #📚 chicklit anon #thanks again for sharing and excited to dig in!#📚chicklitanon

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ecthelions · 4 years

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Hey everyone! It’s been a long time, but I finally want to share with you all a project I’ve been working on for the past couple of weeks.

I know there aren’t many of us left, but it’s isolation times, and I lost my job, so I figured it was as good a time as any to rewrite my old tattoo artist/florist AU! (Eden)

Looking back, there were a lot of things wrong with it, and a lot of things I wished I had done differently, so I just went ahead and scrapped it all to rewrite it from the very beginning.

Anyway, I’ve written 20k so far, and officially deleted the original fic from ao3.

Here’s a little excerpt if anyone would like to read it - this part is from chapter 4 and Bard and Thranduil have known each other for a little over a week by this point. Let me know what you think! I plan on writing the whole thing before publishing to make sure it’s perfect, but I’m happy to keep people updated if they’re interested, whether it’s on tumblr, twitter, or the barduil discord ♡

The rain from that morning seemed to be threatening a savage return and Thranduil tugged at the collar of his shirt to stay the cold wind. Bard was already waiting for him at the café.

“How long do you have for lunch?” he asked, opening the door.

“I’ll go back when I’m needed, but I’ve got time,” Thranduil said.

He did not miss Bard’s small smile as they entered.

It was crowded, as usual, but only with passers-by on their usual coffee runs. Bard and Thranduil made an order and then sidled into chairs at one of the many empty tables by the window.

“Do you know if you can come to the art show on Saturday?” Bard queried, grabbing a salt shaker to fiddle with as he spoke.

“Oh, yeah, I can. What time is it again?” Thranduil had left the flyer on the fridge at home.

“Seven-thirty. I’ll pick you up and we can go together,” Bard said.

Outside, the rain arrived. It was warm in the coffee shop, and Bard’s leg stuck out comfortably under the table. Thranduil brushed it with his foot every time he shifted in his chair, but Bard did not move. He was watching the droplets of rain chasing each other down the window, and Thranduil took the moment to observe the little tattoo that was inked just above his right eyebrow. It said ‘hopeless.’

Bard’s eyes flicked to Thranduil suddenly and Thranduil didn’t have time to look away. He hadn’t really been subtle.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“Is it this one?” Bard said, touching his eyebrow, as if trying to feel the tattoo. “It’s the only one I actually regret.”

Their coffees arrived. Mithrellas set them on the table with a clink and lingered just a bit longer than was really necessary.

“You do have… a lot,” Thranduil continued when she was gone. To have only one tattoo to regret was quite an achievement considering Bard was practically more ink than skin.

“Yeah. Can’t say I get used to people staring at me,” Bard said, emptying a sugar packet into his mug. “But that’s okay. I do it for me.”

“What do your kids think?” Thranduil asked.

Bard took a drink before answering. “I don’t think they really see me any other way. Even Sigrid. She’s the oldest, but not by enough to remember me before I had tattoos. My ex-wife doesn’t like it, though. She thinks I look like a criminal.”

Thranduil frowned. He didn’t get that impression from Bard at all, not even when he’d first walked into the flower shop. He was so good-natured and easy-going from the moment you set eyes on him. Thranduil barely even knew Bard, but he thought that judgement was a bit unfair, especially coming from someone who did know him.

“She’s an idiot,” Thranduil finally said.

Bard barked a laugh. “She’s not all bad.”

“Have you been separated long?” Thranduil hoped it was too impertinent a question.

“Nearly two years,” Bard said. His leg bumped against Thranduil’s under the little table. “We did everything young. People weren’t even surprised when we split.”

“How young were you?”

“We were seventeen when Sigrid was born. Got married right out of high school; all that fun stuff. But we called it quits about a year after Tilda was born. It just became too... empty.”

“I’m sorry,” said Thranduil.

Bard shrugged. “It’s no one’s fault. She’s already found someone new, anyway.”

“And you?”

Bard blinked at Thranduil, his brown eyes wandering over him before catching his gaze.

��Not yet.”

A swell of heat rushed to Thranduil’s throat and he picked up his drink to hide his face. He couldn’t tell if Bard was being direct or evasive, and didn’t know which way he would rather have it. Thranduil hadn’t taken a liking to anyone since he was a teenager, and it occurred to him in that moment just how out of practice he was when it came to flirting and picking up other people’s hints.

He decided perhaps he was reading into it too much. There was no need to get his hopes up.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” Bard said, breaking the silence before it became too heavy between them. The coffee shop had mostly emptied now, with only half a dozen other people enjoying lunch around them.

“You can try,” Thranduil said lightly, put back on his guard. He always did keep his cards close to his chest, but he thought he might make an exception for Bard.

“Do you find it hard being a single parent?”

It was a fair enough question, Thranduil thought. He had honestly been expecting something more intrusive, so he appreciated it for what it was.

“I do,” he said, wrapping his hands around his coffee cup. “But it’s not the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

“Okay. I’m glad it’s not just me, then,” Bard said.

Outside, the rain came down in sheets, lashing down the road as people ducked into shops for cover. Thranduil checked his phone, but there was thankfully no message from Haldir.

“So, um, what kind of art do you do?” Thranduil scrambled to keep the conversation going, afraid for Bard to lose interest.

He seemed to perk up at the change of subject. “I mostly do black work at the shop, but I’ve been experimenting with watercolour for the art show. Wanna see?”

Thranduil nodded eagerly and Bard pulled out his phone. They leaned closer to one another across the table so Bard could pick and choose what pictures to show Thranduil, which was unfortunate because Thranduil could hardly concentrate on what he was looking at due to such proximity. Bard’s shoulder was nearly touching his own, and he could smell the remnants of the cigarette underneath his body spray. Thranduil had to force himself to pay attention to the photos.

“I like that one,” he managed, pointing to a colourful portrait of Bard’s eldest daughter.

“I tried to get her to sit still for that one, but I ended up copying from a photo,” Bard said.

He turned to face Thranduil as he spoke, and their noses almost touched. Thranduil felt Bard’s warm exhale on his mouth and drew back quickly. Perhaps too quickly. Bard looked down sheepishly and straightened himself in his chair.

“I put that one in the art show,” he finished lamely.

“Is there some kind of competition?” Thranduil asked, the back of his neck still hot.

“No, but nearly everything will be for sale.”

“Maybe I’ll buy something,” Thranduil teased lightly.

A hint of colour flushed Bard’s cheeks. “Please don’t. It’s all way overpriced.”

“Taking this town for all it’s worth, then?”

“I hope so,” Bard said with a smirk. “They owe me.”

“Just try telling them that,” Thranduil said, glancing around the café at the other patrons. He didn’t recognise anyone, but Mithrellas was still behind the counter making coffee, and she was worth ten witnesses on her own.

“Here, I’ll give you a sample and maybe you can commission me later,” Bard said.

He took a napkin from the cup of cutlery on the table and slid a pen out of the pocket of his flannel. He bent low over the table and started to draw, making long, steady strokes with the pen so as not to snare the napkin. When he was done, he handed it to Thranduil.

It was a drawing of a fox, curled up asleep with little flowers forming a border around it. Underneath its tail was a banner that said ‘fox this town.’

Thranduil grinned at it, his heart skipping a beat at the gesture. It was by no means a perfect drawing, but it was a shame it was on a napkin, because he wanted to frame it and keep it forever.

He thought he might do that anyway.

#barduil #bard x thranduil #barduil fanfiction #bard bowman #thranduil #eden rewrite

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melodiesofblueroses · 4 years

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Star Boy (Yoosung x Reader) Pt.2

★ ━ 𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 3.2k

Part 1

Part 3

Part 4

Bonus: Alternate ending

It was a rather cloudy night on this particular evening, and Yoosung was engaging in entertaining himself by reading human literature. He had apparently picked up some “shoujo manga,” whatever that was. The young star boy hated to admit it, but amongst the cliche and cheesy romance tropes within these illustrated books, Yoosung found some joy when reading them. Whether it was the sickeningly sweet romance that drove wild fantasies or his imaginations running amok, Yoosung knew for certain that he desperately sought out a relationship. Maybe it stemmed from the many years of lonely nights he had spent putting up stars in the night sky, wondering whether his whole life would be just the same tiring action. It was quite sad in a sense, being so desperate to seek out a relationship. He just wanted any form of affection really. It was embarrassing and brought a bit of shame upon the blonde. Another thing that did embarrass the star boy was the fact that he thought of (MC) whenever the idea of a romantic relationship crossed his mind. Gosh, why couldn’t he get her off of his mind? Was he that into her? Maybe hormones? He was a celestial body for goodness sake, what hormones could he possibly have? Ugh, he had been reading too many human books, hadn’t he?

There she sat though, in the same spot as always, atop the bright white of the moon. His heart beat a bit faster, remembering the other night where she had told him her name. (MC). Ah, such a sweet name. It flowed easily and was quite comfortable to say.

“(MC),” he whispered to himself, a small smile present after. Oh how much he longed to talk to her again. God, snap out of it Yoosung! She’s only talked to you once, and you get butterflies in your stomach from such a tiny interaction! Besides, she probably doesn’t think of you that way! You’re such a tiny celestial being in the grand scheme of things, easily replaceable and unnoticed by everyone. All the other beings talk about the sun, the galaxies, and the planets, the most beloved of them all. A lone star boy doesn’t make a big difference for they just dot the skies in order to allow the other celestial bodies to shine as bright as these stars.

Yet, (MC)’s words from that night stuck to him. Did he really have an important role? Did the humans down below really enjoy his work? Do they really kiss and share intimate moments with one another under these stars? For a few moments in his entire career, Yoosung felt important. He felt needed in these vast skies. Why, Yoosung was the one that created the backdrop of the sky, even if it allowed the other beings to shine even brighter. Yoosung was needed in this universe! That (MC) sure had a way with words, making Yoosung feel proud of his job.

“Yoosung, is that you?” It was that sickly sweet voice again. To others, it might’ve been a bit too much. Maybe it was quite a bit squeaky, or maybe it was just a tinge too irritating, but that voice was a melody to Yoosung’s ears. Why, it’s (MC) of course, the one Yoosung didn’t want to admit that he had fallen for.

“(MC)!” He called out in excitement. “Why aren’t you atop of the moon? You know you can’t abandon your position, or else you’ll get shunned by society!” How adorable of Yoosung to look after (MC). “I’ve finished my duty for tonight, but you are just getting started. The night is still young, and the moon needs its maiden to watch over it.” The last part was a bit embarrassing for inexperienced little Yoosung to say, but it was quite worth it as he saw the cutest little blush on (MC).

“Don’t worry, I just set out on a little walk. Besides, my job is to care for and look after the moon. The moon will keep on shining brightly even without me.” Her eyes glistened when she spoke about her job, which she was quite proud of; to have the honor of guarding the moon at night, when all of its beauty was cast onto the land below, it was quite a respectable position. Yoosung could only dream of that respect for star boys went unnoticed in the society of the celestial beings. “But, thank you for caring. I admit, not many have really looked my way, instead dismissing my job as too easy and unworthy of being a celestial being.”

“But that’s far from the truth!” Yoosung proclaimed a bit too loudly. “The moon is so important to both the Earth and humans. Why, don’t you control the waves of the four oceans? You also create spectacular eclipses for the humans down below. How could anyone think of saying that your job isn’t important!”

“Ah, Yoosung,” she giggled. “Thank you so much for your words. They really do mean a lot to me. As I said before, no one really cares for me.” Yoosung blushed a bit from her words. He didn’t really think that he did all that much, but if (MC) was happy, then so was he. “But, since I’ve stumbled onto you here,” she continued, “why don’t you come with me to the moon and continue chatting there?”

It was the first time Yoosung had step foot onto the moon, and honestly, it was nothing like what he had expected. From what he had picked up, the moon was a rather rocky and dull surface. Everything was rather monotonous and filled with craters. It wasn’t the ideal place to be. But, God, all those excerpts were completely off. The moon was one of the most spectacular things Yoosung had seen. Of course, the physical descriptions he had heard were correct, but the experience was something else entirely.

The stars surrounding the moon shone with such brilliance and almost acted like a spotlight that it put the moon in. The moon was visible from every surface on the Earth, even behind the clouds that tried to cover up the moon. The light prevailed, and it brought a whole new perspective to Yoosung. God, it was his stars that gave a spotlight to the moon. It was his stars that allowed the moon to shine in all its glory. Yes, his stars may have been the backdrops, but it created a gorgeous scenery that perfectly paired with the moon.

Atop the moon, where (MC) usually sat to gaze down below, was a dainty table, decorated with bits of stardust that Yoosung suspected was gifted to (MC) by another being. On the white table sat two cups of tea. (MC) had invited him for some tea! What a dream come true this was for him. He would have the honor to chat the night away with his crush while drinking a beverage the humans so highly valued.

“How long have you been a star boy?” (MC) started off the conversation, eyes fixated on the figure that lay before her. This was a first for Yoosung. Someone was truly interested in his work, captivated by his presence. Of course, their last encounter wasn’t taken into account. Yoosung had cried in front of this darling, and he tried to forget that. The first time they had actually spoken was when Yoosung was having a bit of a crisis. Perfect. However, second impressions can just be as important as the first, right?

“Twenty or so years, I’m quite new at this as you can tell.” Yoosung tried his hardest to avoid her gazing eyes. He could get lost in them, and quite frankly, it was a bit intimidating. Were people really like this when they listened intently to one another?

“Really? I couldn’t tell since your work is impeccable. The orientation of these stars and the way they dot the skies; I’ve seen many star boys, but no one comes close to this level. Your depictions of the constellations and the timing of them are also perfect. I can tell you’ve studied up quite a bit on these stars.” God, why did she have to compliment him like that? Did she like to see Yoosung as a blushing mess? Maybe it was to boost his confidence since she knew he wasn’t as proud of his job as he could be.

“T-Thank you,” he replied. This was already off to a cringy start. Wonderful. Was this story going in the direction of a cliché romance story where every interaction led to blushing messes? Well, hopefully, the author knows what she’s doing. “What about you? How long have you been a moon girl?”

“Hmm, well, it’s been around a decade or so I believe. I’m still quite new you see. I’ve been a stardust collector for most of my time out in these vast skies.” She paused to take a sip of her tea. “I’ve always been in such a low-class position, just trailing behind those of importance. It was what I was best at, I believe. I never really uttered a word and just followed those beings that made ‘shooting stars’ and meteors, gathering the stardust that was left behind.” (MC) then made a sweeping motion to the table they were seated at. “This is where I got these starbits and stardust. I couldn’t bear to throw such beauties away, so I always collected and stored them somewhere in my room where I spent the sunny days in. I believed that such beauty would be a shame to be discarded.

“Thus, I was mocked a lot of the time, by subordinates and those who I thought cared for me. ‘What a silly girl to collect such trash and debris’ they all said, sneering and looking down with such shame and disgust.”

“But aren’t the starbits and stardust the ones that help decorate the night sky?” Yoosung interrupted, quite taken aback at her story. “If they weren’t so beautiful, then what would their purpose in the night sky be? Didn’t the universe put them there in order to decorate the empty sky? How could they say such a thing?”

(MC) giggled at his innocence. It was a nice change of pace, always being supported no matter what your opinions on certain topics were. Yoosung was a ball of light in her world full of ridicule. “For a moment, I fell for their lies and deception. I truly thought that I was a naive and stupid little girl who didn’t know a thing about the night sky. After all, I was just a lowly servant to those who created masterpieces in the night sky, such as star showers and meteors. I couldn’t begin to understand the true nature of the night sky.

“That was until I met Hyun. Oh! I don’t think you know him.” Yoosung thought that name sounded familiar, then remembered it was that fellow who was a bit too praising of his own looks. And he had the nerve to call Yoosung naive! Yoosung scrunched up his face a bit at the remembrance of such a fellow, and (MC) caught on to that.

“I see you’ve met Hyun. Yes, he can be a bit overbearing at times, but he was the only one that truly believed in me at the time. I remember when I was assigned to pick up the stardust and bits he left in his path. In our first meeting, he flirted with me. God, how tasteless he could be.” She stopped to giggle at the thought. “But he was always kind to me and treated me as if I was his equal. He never once looked down at me.

“One night, I decided to confide in him, reveal to him all of these negative thoughts that were swarming me. He was quite the listener, which took me by surprise. But he gave me such good advice, and bit by bit, he began to help me build my confidence. ‘Don’t listen to those who put you down,’ he once said. ‘You love to collect the stardust, and that’s beyond adorable. If you enjoy it, then why care what anyone else thinks? You live your life the way you want to.’”

“Besides that, there was this one quote that stuck with me ever since, and I always look back on it. ‘What other people think only lasts a second...but how you consider yourself lasts forever.’”

Yoosung was quite taken aback by (MC)’s past. He always thought that everyone loved such a sweet angel like her. And that jerk Hyun helped build her confidence? That was certainly uncalled for, at least in Yoosung’s eyes. He didn’t really know Hyun all too well, but his first impression was something else. To be fair, Yoosung’s first impression to (MC) was him crying about how humans didn’t appreciate his work (which is quite alright. Our dear Yoosung just doesn’t know how to be too confident just yet). He wasn’t really one to say anything.

“So it was Hyun that helped you out? I always thought that you were so confident and proud of your job! You were so helpful to me last time, and I truly do appreciate you! I can’t believe that there were people who tried to belittle you. That’s so awful!” Yoosung pouted after his little rant. He couldn’t really think of anyone in his life who tried to belittle him. Sure Yoosung wasn’t confident in his work, but no one tried to bring him down. Everyone around him was so supportive of him getting a job as a star boy. He couldn’t imagine a situation such as that of (MC). “But, how did you end up as a moon girl if you started out collecting stardust?”

“Apparently, Jihyun, the sun of our solar system, really liked my dedication to my job and basically promoted me to moon girl. Of course, all that hate and negativity came back, and I almost faltered once again, but Hyun was with me this time. He always supported me and basically applauded me for getting a promotion. To be honest, as corny as it sounds, I don’t know where I would be without him. He was one of the first people to ever support me, and I’m so happy to know a guy like him.”

The nightly moon chats became a routine for our star boy and moon girl. Every night, once Yoosung finished his duties as quickly as possible, he would make his way over to the moon, chatting the rest of the night away with (MC). Yoosung would like to think that the two of them grew closer due to this ordeal, often sharing intimate secrets and childhood stories. It was quite peculiar, two strangers bonding over similar experiences. Maybe it was due to the fact that (MC) had first seen Yoosung in quite a vulnerable state. Maybe (MC) just felt comfortable around Yoosung. Whatever it was, Yoosung was pleased to finally have someone by his side. The passing nights were continually growing lonelier, and (MC) was an escape from his duties and the society in which they were apart.

One night, when the sun was just over the horizon, about to give the spotlight over to the sun in order for it to shine, Yoosung came up with an idea. It was directly after one of his nightly chats with (MC), one where Yoosung finally realized his true feelings. He loved (MC). Now, he always knew that he had a crush on her, ever since he first saw her elegant form, but that was different. He thought that it was just a tiny crush, a fleeting feeling. Perhaps he was just a bit too lonely and started imagining what a relationship would be like.

But after endless nights of talking to her, Yoosung realized what his feelings meant. He realized why his heartbeat just a bit faster whenever she was around, what those butterflies in his stomach were, and why he could imagine a future with her. Yoosung truly loved and cared for (MC). She was his escape from reality, from his duties as a star boy, from his frustrations and struggles. (MC) was always there for Yoosung, ready to listen to any vents and give advice. What an angel she truly was. And now, Yoosung wants to do the same for her. He wants to be there for her, similar to how Hyun was always there for (MC). You could say that it was a tinge of jealousy, but Yoosung would rather believe that it was because he truly loved (MC) and wanted her to live a comfortable life.

Therefore, he came up with an idea. Yoosung would give (MC) a gift, maybe confess his love for her in the process. Whatever it was, Yoosung wanted to get across to her that he cared for her and would always be there for her. But the problem was, what would a good gift be? He knew that it had to signify his intentions, but he couldn’t quite think of anything. Mm, maybe a piece of a meteor? Nah, what if that reminded her of her past job. Stardust? She already had plenty. Ugh, this was quite difficult.

He spent the entirety of the next night thinking of a suitable gift for (MC), sitting atop a fluffy cloud that floated throughout the sky. Yoosung had a good idea of what (MC) enjoyed. Maybe he could find a way to harvest some dried flowers from the humans down below. The problem with that, however, is that it was forbidden to go near the human surface. Everything known about humans had been recorded by the ancestors of the celestial beings, those daring enough to go and blend within human society, thus providing many forms of human literature that any celestial being may choose to read. And Yoosung didn’t know of any rebels that could sneak into the human world. Well, that idea was crossed out.

Maybe he could gift her a book from his shoujo manga collection. But did she like shoujo manga? Ugh, another idea crossed off. He should’ve asked her beforehand. Mm, what else would (MC) possibly like. Maybe he could draw her something. After all, don’t handmade gifts signify that one cares for an individual. The only problem with that is Yoosung wasn’t much of an artist, and he didn’t really know anyone that would willingly draw him a portrait or something.

After dwelling on many ideas, Yoosung came up with the perfect gift. Yes, this gift would get across his message to (MC), plus, it would also signify that Yoosung would always be by her side. It was perfect. Now, he just had to start on it. Alright, his plan had gone into action. Yoosung was feeling a bit jittery. Would she even like this gift? Well, he hoped so because that was the only thing he could think of right now.

However, there was a bigger problem dwelling on the surface that Yoosung had completely forgotten about. Yoosung had neglected his duties that night, instead using his time to think of a gift for (MC). That cloudy night, Yoosung had forgotten to put up the stars in the sky.

#mystic messenger #yoosung x mc #yoosung kim #romance #mc #short story #star boy

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leonvld · 4 years

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a playlist of songs representing ryu jiwon and his love for music + his career so far

8 songs, 29 minutes

01 geyser by mitski

you're my number one you're the one i want and i've turned down every hand that has beckoned me to come 'cause you're the one i got you're the one i got so i'll keep turning down the hands that beckon me to come

otp: jiwon x debut ? is living and thriving. mitski wrote this song about her own relationship to music, and has said how she can tell when listening to other artists' songs, who “doesn’t have any other options in their life," and who “could do something else for a living.” according to her, people who don’t have other options have a desperation in their music, and i feel like you could find the same kind of desperation in jiwon's. in his bio, i've mentioned how he feels like he is a trainee first and everything else ( brother, son, friend, lover, etc ) second, and i feel like that applies to him being an artist as well. when you think about how an 11-year-old jiwon was turned down at auditions and told that he just didn't want it enough — it hits different.

02 on the radio by regina spektor

no, this is how it works you peer inside yourself you take the things you like and try to love the things you took and then you take that love you made and stick it into some someone else's heart pumping someone else's blood and walking arm in arm you hope it don't get harmed but even if it does you'll just do it all again

when jiwon writes music, he bares his soul to the listener. his music is really personal to him, and for a long time, it was like his diary. especially when he was a younger trainee, him sharing his music with you meant that he really trusted you. this song also has this air of wisdom and nostalgia to it, and you're convinced when you listen to it that regina spektor has personally witnessed and experienced all the things she's singing about. experience is the one thing jiwon has in spades, especially as one of the oldest ( at the time of writing this ) 4am member. like when asked why he deserved to pass his atlas records audition over the other boys in his audition group, jiwon said that it was because he had "more to say" and in a way he does, not only from being in the industry for so long but also just because he's just lived that much longer. ( and then when he becomes a trainee, he acts all [ insert surprised pikachu meme ] when he realizes that other trainees don't like him as much as they used to, when they've heard him essentially say that their opinions are white noise oops. )

03 dress up in you by belle & sebastian

ack i had a hard time choosing an excerpt for this one since it’s --- more like the essence of this entire song ? jiwon has a reputation for being… a really nice guy. he's a reliable hyung/oppa to look up to, rely on, and go to for advice, and in his 14th year in the industry, his reputation definitely precedes him. he's not usually the type to lose his temper or visibly show anger unless you're someone he's close to… but he's also been in the industry long enough for things to piss him off. everything from how the industry preys about the dreams of children and then uses those dreams to degrade and manipulate them for profit, to people who think they can get away with using him for his generosity, to idols who debut who (in his eyes) don't deserve fame at all, to talented friends who had to drop out of the industry due to politics, to the people he trusted who’ve dropped him like dead weight in order to get ahead. he's one of those people where people are surprised when he gets angry, and there's something about this song where you don't really realize that the singer is upset until you pay attention to the lyrics.

04 graveyard ( acoustic ver. ) by halsey

they say i may be making a mistake i would've followed all the way, no matter how far i know when you go down all your darkest roads i would've followed all the way to the graveyard

yet another song about how much he wants to pursue music (and debut NGNSJAK), but this time in the actual form of a love song because subtlety 👌. i feel like when everest (the first group he was a part of) disbanded in 2013, there were a lot of people in his life who truly cared about him that breathed a sigh of relief. they thought that disbandment meant that he could move on and find another passion. but jiwon — loves music and loves to perform and for all its faults, mirae sound (the first entertainment company he was under) was where he first fell in love with it all. he has conflicted feelings about his original company because it's also where he was verbally degraded and treated awfully by certain staff members, but they gave him a stage and a mic for however short of a timespan it was and he's been trying to return to it ever since. but this time, he's not a naive 11 year old trying to make his parents happy. he's fully aware of the cold, harsh industry he's returning to.

05 i couldn’t be more in love by the 1975

we got it wrong, and you said you had enough but what about these feelings i've got? i couldn't be more in love

which brings us to everest's disbandment — the lowest point of his life. matt healy (the frontman of the 1975) wrote this song about his fans and his fear that a day will come where they will tire of his music and leave him. jiwon trained with some of everest's members for almost six years, and then the group disbanded after only two. having been the leader of said group, it left jiwon in a really fragile place. picking up the pieces again and deciding to audition again — when he still had debt from his first trainee period and his self-esteem was at an all time low after leading a group to disbandment — was probably one of the hardest decisions of his life. i have a headcanon that he originally went back to seoul to apply for jobs as a music composer for other artists — and at the last minute he ended up auditioning to be a trainee again instead.

06 4 o’clock by bts’ v & rm

i collect myself that's shattered beneath the moonlight i call you moonchild we are the children of the moon

wow. the title says it all JAFKLDG. but really --- he loves his 4am members so much. so dearly. tenderly. this song just makes me think of the boys staying up in their dorm late at night, practicing, writing music, and just being there for each other. jiwon is a lot stronger now than he used to be and it's all due to his members. i've talked about this in the ooc chat, but being with 4am is the first time jiwon's felt free in such a long time. after spending a lifetime of being there for others and doing what others want/expect of him, he can trust his members to be there for him in a way that he's never felt comfortable to do with anyone else in his past.

07 btstu by jai paul

i know i've been gone a long time, but i'm back and i want what is mine

don't fuck with him, don't fuck with him !!! it might have been 7 years since everest's disbandment but he's coming back ! and when he does, you'll all be sorry !! also, similarly to "dress up in you", another subliminally passive aggressive track GJSJAKA. his self worth and confidence — is at an all time high in the years since he joined atlas and was added to the lineup of the ceo's “favorite” trainee group. he's not arrogant, but he carries himself differently now. he has less fear and is willing to take more risks. maybe he’s a little arrogant. who knows.

08 come hang out by ajr

and come hang out don't you leave us behind but i'll be there next time i'll be there next time

listen, all of his relationships that have ended (romantic and platonic) are clearly not just his fault. but he really doesn't --- fight for his relationships as much as he fights for his music. there are more than a few important relationships that have taken a backseat to his pursuit of his dreams. like i said for the first track,, he's a trainee and an artist over anything else. music is his #1 priority. while it's led him to have an impressive work ethic and an enviable passion for his craft, his relationships with his parents, his sister, former friends, and ex-lovers have all suffered because of it. his obsession for his music at the expense of those he loves is definitely one of the, if not the, biggest of his flaws. this song also speaks to how jiwon feels being as close as he is to debut. with only months left before 4am is scheduled to debut, he's working harder than ever. but he's fully aware that he's not racing towards the finish line — he's getting in position to start the race. and this time, he's going to do everything he can to make it last.

#╰ ˟ ✧ ˖ study .#╰ ˟ ✧ ˖ playlist .

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thespeedyreader · 5 years

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The Oxbridge application process

Hey, stxdywarrior here! I’ve recently just applied to Cambridge University to study English, and I wanted to share my tips and experiences to help you if you’re interested in applying. First of all, if you’re applying to Oxford or Cambridge, that’s great! They’re both amazing universities, and applying is going to be challenging but so rewarding. I have no doubt that you’ll excel, whatever you want to do.

Please share this and add to it if you wish to!

A quick note: While this masterpost is general, I have to stress that lots of these tips may only apply to humanities subjects. I don’t have much to say about the sciences, I’m afraid. If you are applying for a science, however, I still hope you can find some great content in here for you.

UCAS application

Okay, first thing’s first: the application itself. Applying to Oxbridge is different because you have to have your UCAS form sent by October 15th (while everyone else has the luxury of waiting until January), and while that sounds stressful, it’s a great feeling to get it done early, trust me. And this means having applied to ALL your chosen universities, not just Oxford or Cambridge.

Another thing that’s different about Oxbridge is that they’re collegiate universities, so you’ll have to choose a college. Or, you can choose to make an open application, meaning you’ll be assigned a college later by the university. Don’t stress too much about this stage - people choose certain colleges for all sorts of reasons, and they’re all good anyway. I chose my college because it was small and had good student wellbeing services.

Because the deadline is so early, I would recommend you start thinking about your personal statement by Summer, so that when you get back in September, you can hit the ground running. Here are a few tips I have for your personal statement:

Get all the help you can. And by this I mean: ask everyone you know who might be helpful to have a look over it. This means teachers, family members, classmates, and anyone you know who’s recently been through the same process you are going through.

That being said, make sure all of the opinions don’t leave you at see. I found it really hard when one person was telling me one thing and another was telling me the opposite, but I learned to balance my OWN judgements with other peoples’.

Don’t worry about the character count until your last drafts. Make sure you nail the content first.

It doesn’t matter how many drafts you have to get through, as long as you save all the drafts. I think I got through like 14 drafts?

Don’t JUST write it for Oxbridge. What I mean is, the other universities on your list matter too. So even though Oxbridge don’t care much about your extracurriculars, that doesn’t mean you should ignore them.

It isn’t about quantity, it’s about quality. Even if you’ve only done a few things, if you write about them well, then they’re still just as impressive.

A tip not everyone hears is that the universities want to hear about your personal response to things. Don’t just say you read a book; say how it made you feel, and why you were interested in it. Use phrases like ‘I was fascinated by’ and ‘this intrigued me’. I’m serious.

Remember that your personal statement is literally the hardest piece of writing you have to do. It’s easy to feel daunted by it, but there are plenty of resources out there to help.

Supplementary Application Questionnaire (Cambridge only)

If you’ve applied to Cambridge, you’ll soon get ask to do the SAQ. This isn’t a big deal, but it’s quite a long form to fill out, so it’s best to do it carefully and start early. You’ll be asked things like what modules you’ve studied in your a levels, and you have to include a profile photo of yourself. At the end, you can also write an additional personal statement. This is optional, but just for reference, my one included some things I’d done that I hadn’t included on my personal statement, and I related them to some of the specific modules on the Cambridge course.

Entrance exams

Depending on which subject you’re applying for, you may be asked to sit an exam. This will be typically registered through your school or college, and it’s important to make sure you sign up before the deadline (which will be set by your school). The exams happen around late October.

As I was applying for English, I took the ELAT (English Literature Admissions Test). In the ELAT I was given six texts (poems or novel excerpts), all linked by a theme, and I had to pick two to ‘compare and contrast’. So there was no set structure, and I couldn’t strictly revise for it. In terms of preparation, you can find past papers, and it also helps to do language analysis of some unseen poetry just so you’re used to it. You will NEVER be tested on things you don’t know; they’re more looking for the way you form and present an argument.

Essay submission

Depending on which subject you’re applying for (mainly humanities), you may be asked by email to submit essays to your chosen college. I was asked to send in two essays that I’d done in a school setting (I got to choose, whew), and I needed to print four copies of each (no idea why) and get my teachers to sign it to prove it was my work. The essays can’t be edited.

One thing to note is that, while Oxford usually let you email them, Cambridge are still in the Dark Ages and will only receive them by post. So if you’re applying to Cambridge and are a confused millennial like me, who literally never uses post, I’d get the essays in early.

Another thing is that my college constantly emailed me reminders about the essay deadline, so unless you live under a rock you can’t miss it.

The interview

As the final stage of the application process, you will (hopefully!) be invited to interview. They’ll let you know by email in late November. Cambridge typically invite about 80% of applicants, whereas Oxford invite less, which I think is about 50%. So if you get an interview, congratulations! And don’t panic. People say it’s the biggest factor in the process, when in reality the universities treat each part of your application equally.

Interviews are done differently by each university. In Oxford, you’ll be asked to stay at your college for a few days, because not only do your college interview you, but your application is sent around other colleges, so you could be invited to interview at another college at any time. (Sorry I can’t shed more light on this, as I didn’t apply to Ox.) In Cambridge, you only get interviewed by one college, and you have the option of staying overnight or just going for the day.

How to prepare:

While you don’t need to go overboard with this one, do read a lot around your subject in the few weeks beforehand, so that if they ask, “so, what have you been reading lately?”, you’ve got a lot to say.

If you have the opportunity to do a practise interview, take it. My school organised one for me, but even if your school doesn’t, find someone - like a teacher - who can do it for you. Even if it’s them just grilling you on your personal statement, at least you’ll be used to articulating your arguments in an interview setting.

If you sent in essays, make sure you read over those essays beforehand. They asked me about one of mine.

Map out some generic questions that they might ask you. For English, for example, I researched questions like, “is it better to read a play or see it in production?” and “what’s the difference between literacy and literature?” and even “what is literature?”

You’ll be notified by email the professors who will be interviewing you. I’d recommend looking them up (they’ll be on your college website) and finding out what they specialise in.

Read over your personal statement as many times as you have to. They’re very likely to ask you about something on there.

This sounds cliche, but PLEASE look after yourself before the interview. It always takes place right at the end of a really busy term, so watch out for colds and things (I’m telling you this because I was recovering from a chest infection when I interviewed, and had only just got my voice back RIP)

The interview itself

If you’re doing a humanities subject, you might be given a source or written extract to look at before one of the interviews, and then they’ll discuss it with you. I’d bring lots of highlighters for you to annotate. (I was expected to just be given a poem for English, but I actually got a poem AND part of a critical essay. Go figure.)

No one cares what you’re wearing. I mean, wear sensible stuff, but there’s no need to try to hard.

This is a bit random, but my teacher told me to make a list of all the things I love about my second choice university the night before, to remind myself that Oxbridge isn’t everything. Believe it or not, it worked.

You have to expect to be put on the spot, and this means on-your-feet thinking. I heard they can smell a rehearsed answer from a mile away.

When you’re waiting to interview, you’ll probably meet loads of other applicant like you. It’s up to you whether you chat with them or not - I know some people like to keep themselves to themselves to keep their focus, while I personally loved getting to know people, as chatting helped me stay calm. Either way, everyone’s in the same boat, so don’t worry.

If you’re like me, and easily get distracted by social media, I’d recommend staying off it for the whole day if you can. I did this, and it helped me protect my mental space and keep out negative thoughts.

Some of your interviewers might come across as a bit scary. They might also disagree with everything you say, which can be off-putting. Try not to worry too much if this happens - stand your ground.

When you make an argument, be prepared to justify it, but also, if you want to change your mind, do it. The interviewers are looking for a teachable mind, not someone who’s right all the time and knows everything, so show you have an open mind.

Once the interview’s over, all you have to do is get some well-deserved rest and wait! Try not to overthink how it went, because in reality you have no idea. Some people think they did awfully, but end up getting an offer, so.

The decision

Okay, here’s the truth: Oxbridge is not the be-all and end-all. It just isn’t. Your worth and intelligence cannot be defined by an institution.

For when you’re waiting for a decision: think of Oxbridge as a bonus. This is what I did: I had another university as my ‘first choice’, so that Cambridge was just an extra.

If you don’t get an offer: You will be so happy at wherever you decide to go instead. Think of it as Oxford or Cambridge’s loss, not yours - hundreds of applicants who are very much smart enough to get a place don’t, and that isn’t because they aren’t good enough.

While it’s okay to feel disappointed, it’s best to focus on the amazing learning experience that applying has been. You’ve shown yourself that you can handle all that while still maintaining your priorities and sense of self. So you should STILL be proud.

If you do get an offer: Congratulations! Party time. Except it’s not time to party just yet, because you’ve still got to get the a level grades to secure your spot.

I hope this helped! Don’t hesitate to ask me anything else you want to know.

Just tagging a few people who have been through the same process/have asked about it: @rebeccaravenclaw @littlebitofstudy @lesbianlondongrammar @sectumsempracurse

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blatherkatt · 7 years

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Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Intermission 1

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Mentioned/implied abuse; Pesterlogs, No seriously this entire chapter is just logs, swear the next chapters at least a third finished but in the meantime this bit got way out of hand so here

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

— excerpt of chatlog from group chat “assholes anonymous” 6/13/2015 —

GG: And I’m afraid that’s all Roxy and I know. She got a call from Terezi yesterday saying that she would need to wait a few days before coming down to visit again.

GT: Holy toledo! Christ on a cracker i really picked a bad time to study abroad didnt i. So much happened while i was gone!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is online! —

GT: I feel like a right fool for not checking my messages from anyone while i was away but i was just so overwhelmed by how many there were and so tired out from being in another country and all.

GT: Oh!

TG: DIRK

TG: motherfucker tell me whats goin on!!!!

GG: There you are! Is everything alright?

TT: Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine, give me a minute.

TT: Well. No. That’s wrong.

TT: Everything’s pretty much gone to shit, but everyone’s alive, somehow, and for the time being things have cooled the fuck off.

TG: aaaaaah now im even more scared what happened?!!

GT: Er its good to be back but the girls have been filling me in on whats played out in my absence and im afraid im on roxys side here what in the devilfucking dickens is going on exactly?

GG: Thirded!

TT: I take it you didn’t get around to reading the messages I sent you then, Jake?

TT: Which is fine. I kind of figured. Whatever.

TT: Short version: There was an attempt to reclaim Dave by some of the old man’s lackeys.

TT: An attempt which Dave knew about well in advance.

TG: oh shit

TG: oh shit dave nooooo D:

GG: Oh, goodness.

TT: I caught him having a panic attack in the kitchen, during the middle of the night on the twelfth. He managed to tell me essentially that we had four hours to prepare, and then we’d be under attack.

TT: He was planning on going with the quietly, apparently, but changed his mind at the last minute, I guess.

TT: Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he told us, but…Ugh.

TT: It seemed like he was starting to get a little better, finally, and then this huge fucking setback hits.

TT: It’s frustrating.

GT: I’ll say it is! Gosh dirk im so sorry i missed so much of the leadup to this.

GT: Getting the poor boy back after ten years only for him to be such a mess and to finally get somewhere only to lose so much progress…

TG: aaaaaaaugh

TG: i mean is it really a setback though? he still told you!

TG: ive been having the hardest time getting him to talk about anything that happened to him and i think he n i get on pretty well

TG: he still chose to stay with us!

TT: Yeah, and it only took him two fucking months to do so. I don’t even know if he made that choice because he actually wants to be here.

TT: It’s more like he just decided we’re the lesser of two evils.

GG: Well, that’s better than nothing, right?

TT: Ha.

TT: Sure, I guess. Pardon me if I’m not thrilled, though.

TG: diiiiiirk

TG: dirk chill out a little like i get it but seriously!

TG: trust me dave doesnt want to be mean to anybody

TT: Of course he doesn’t.

TT: I’m not mad at Dave at all, don’t get me wrong.

TT: This is my fault.

GT: Now wait just a moment there strider!

GG: How on Earth is any of this your fault? It sounds to me like you made the best of a bad situation! Dave’s the only one who knew about this!

TT: It all goes back to that first meeting at the police station.

TT: I set the precedent. Made everything a him-versus-us, with Karkat his only ally.

TT: He doesn’t trust us because I somehow said exactly the wrong thing to him back in that interrogation room.

TG: im sure thats not it

TG: dirk hes not one to hold a grudge like you and rose are theres gotta be another reason

TT: I’d be happy to hear it, then, because I’m fucking clueless.

TT: Of all the problems I’ve tried to solve, my own fucking brother is proving the most enigmatic.

TT: He’s the fucking labyrinth at Crete, and I don’t have nearly enough fucking yarn to get through this.

TT: And apparently I’m a fucking outlier in that respect. Roxy’s figured Dave out, the fucking aliens get along with him fine, and apparently even Rose made up with him while my back was turned, because he’s been following her around all day, even though she ripped into him yesterday over Kanaya.

TT: Who, by the way, is a fucking vampire now. I feel like I’m losing brain cells just writing that, but there it is.

TT: I’m sharing the house with a literal alien vampire. I’m officially one of the side characters in my aunt’s trashy books.

TG: dirk dude im telling you dave isnt as complicated as you keep making him out to be!

TG: hes not a puzzle that needs to be solved hes just a scared kid!

TT: Why is he still scared, then? Why?

TT: I believe you, but how do I make him be not scared?

TT: Why the fuck can’t I understand my own brother!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is offline —

GG: Oh no.

GT: Jesus jumping jehosaphat!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is online —

TT: Sorry.

TT: Got a little too worked up, hit my desk hard enough that something came unplugged.

TG: dirk

TG: dirk.

TG: holy shit.

TT: I’m, uh, also sorry that I actually hit enter on those last few posts. That was kind of shitty. I’ll get a lid on it.

GT: You gave us all quite a fright there!

GG: I’ll say.

GG: You shouldn’t feel bad, though! I for one am glad you were honest!

GG: Maybe we can all figure out something! If Rose got things sorted out after the rocky start you mentioned, then I’m sure you can, too!

TG: have you tried talkin to him yet

TT: Oh, yeah, because talking to him went so well last time.

TT: Look, I appreciate the advice. But at this point,

TT: I’m pretty much prepared to just accept that he wants nothing to do with me.

TT: Can’t really blame him. I look like the old man. Probably set off enough bad memories that I’m just going to scare him worse.

TT: I’ll just stay out of his way as best I can.

TG: dirk that is literally the exact opposite of what you should be doing

GT: Well i dont know roxy it might work out better that way.

GT: Give the lad his space and let him settle in on his own time!

GT: Let the air clear a bit before trying anything you know?

TG: jake trust me dave needs a lot of really explicit verbal reassurance

TG: he is the scaredest fucking kid you can imagine okay

TG: he apologizes for things that arent even things that should be apologized for

TG: and says hes sorry again even after you tell him hes done nothing wrong just to be extra sure

TG: and he wont do anything unless you specifically tell him hes allowed

TG: and even then hes super cautious about it

GG: Gosh…

TT: Exactly.

TT: If he’s that scared, me forcing him into a conversation is only going to make things worse. It’s not going to be a productive talk if he’s completely shut down.

TT: I’ll figure it out, alright? Just.

TT: I need to rethink things, maybe. Slow down a little.

TT: It’s just a setback. We’ll recover.

TG: uuuuugh

TG: this whole things such a mess :(

TG: let me know when im allowed to come over and hug on him again will you?

TT: Sure thing.

TG: hug him yourself in the meantime!

TT: Probably not a great idea, Rox.

TG: >:(

— excerpt of chatlog from group chat “who you gonna call” 6/13/2015 —

EB: geez. thats pretty crazy.

EB: i cant believe dave would put you guys all in danger like that.

GG: im sure he didnt mean to!

TT: I agree, actually, Jade.

GG: :0 !!!

EB: really?

TT: I spoke to Dave after all the carnage ended, and I’ve come to realize that I’ve been completely misinterpreting his behavior.

TT: I’ve been viewing everything he does through the lens of my own behavior and Dirk’s, and assuming that everything he did which irritated me was done out of some form of antagonism.

TT: Yesterday, I learned exactly how far off I’ve been, and I’d like to apologize for sharing that mistaken impression with you two.

TT: The problem hasn’t been that Dave is holding some petty grudge. It’s that he’s been scared.

GG: :(

GG: :( :( :(

EB: scared? dave?

TT: Terrified, even.

TT: He was literally so frightened when I confronted him that he could barely move.

GG: oh no! rose!

TT: I apologized, I promise, and I’ve been trying to reign myself in around him now that I know there is fear at foot.

TT: I’m a little horrified myself, frankly, at how bad things must be for him.

EB: but if hes so scared why didn’t he just tell you guys sooner?

TT: He’s scared both ways, essentially. Terrified of what we’ll do to him if he breaks some rule here, terrified of what our father will do to him.

TT: I had expected trauma from the beginning, but when it didn’t present in the ways I expected, I assumed he was just fine.

TT: But this is…

TT: It’s as if his fear responses, even his fight or flight reflex, are just…broken.

TT: Like I said, when I confronted him, his eyes were huge and terrified, but he made no move to defend himself, nor did he try to escape. He just…braced himself. Readying himself for a blow that I had no intention of ever delivering, but which he dreaded more with every second it didn’t come.

TT: Ever since, I’ve been paying attention to his body language, since it’s so hard to read his expressions when he’s got those sunglasses on, and I’ve noticed so many times where he tenses up, so suddenly and to such an extreme that I’m surprised it doesn’t physically hurt him.

TT: And it’s not just for legitimate potential threats, like someone looking angry. He does it for the slightest sounds, for random movements, sometimes seemingly for no reason at all.

TT: Hes like some feral animal, constantly thinking he’s going to be hunted, and yet, he can’t run. He just sits there and waits for the blow to land, hoping that if he simply takes whatever punishment is thrown on him, it will end sooner.

TT: And all I can think is just…

TT: What kind of hell has he been through for these past ten years that he reacts to things as simple as a creaking floorboard or a waving hand makes him think he’s going to be attacked?

TT: What did that son of a bitch do to my brother?

EB: jesus.

GG: D:

EB: i always knew that things were bad for dave but i didnt think it was any where near that bad!

GG: hes not in too much trouble is he??

TT: Not at all.

TT: Terezi let him off with a warning, and there’s not much else we can do to him, besides. He’s already under house arrest.

TT: He knows what he did wrong.

GG: thats good! i wonder why he waited so long to tell the truth though?

TT: I’m pretty sure at this point that he was never intending on telling us.

EB: what! why not!

TT: I don’t think he believes he has a choice. He did tell Dirk what happened while having a panic attack, after all. I suspect it may have been something similar to the sort of terror that strikes when you realize it’s the end of a vacation period from school, and you’re not ready to go back yet.

TT: Except, you know, way worse, on account of it being abuse at the hands of a literal terrorist he would have to return to.

TT: He said something that stuck with me, when I asked, and he seemed very genuinely sad when he said it.

TT: “It doesn’t matter what I want. He’s going to come back for me again.”

TT: He’s so resigned to a fate that he is not actually doomed to.

EB: wow :(

TT: But on the bright side,

TT: I think he’s starting to realize that we really aren’t going to hurt him.

GG: yeah?

TT: He’s been following me around like a lost puppy all day. He jumps whenever I move too quickly, but he’s actually here in the room with Kanaya and I right now. The two of them have been chatting on and off for a while.

TT: I suspect it may be just that he hasn’t worked up the courage to talk to Karkat yet, but even so, he seems like he’s testing a boundary.

TT: Pushing to see if I really am no longer angry with him. It’s certainly a welcome change from his usual habit of hiding in his own bedroom.

GG: oh gosh!! can you tell him i said hi?

EB: holy shit hes right with you? get him online!

TT: John, he’s not allowed to use a computer, remember?

EB: fuck!

EB: tell him i said hi too, then!

GG: looool

TT: Done.

TT: He lit up a little, and mumbled a “Hi” right back.

GG: :D

EB: lol, dork.

TT: He says “This coming from John ‘unironically likes Nick fucking Cage’ Egderp.”

EB: >:B !!!!

— golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] —

GT: Hey, um.

GT: I know this is probably not something you really want to hear just now, but i really do want to apologize.

GT: I just got so distracted and worn out while abroad, and you always send so damned many messages, i didnt have the energy to read them all.

TT: It’s fine.

GT: No it isnt! Dirk i know how hugely important getting dave home has been to you ive known for ages!

GT: And whatever tumultuous relationship status we may currently be sharing youre still my best bro and i feel like a right horse’s arse for not being here for you during such a rollercoaster of a rough time!

TT: It’s alright, really. I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s wholly unnecessary.

GT: I promise ill at least try and check my messages more and keep more up to date on the situation.

GT: Let me know if theres any way i can help alright?

TT: Sure.

TT: Welcome home, by the way. It’s nice to talk to you again.

GT: Likewise!

— twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

TA: TZ told me two me22age you, and by that ii mean 2he woke me up wiith a text 2aying ‘talk two kanaya a2ap a22hole 2hit2 gone down’.

TA: 2o what exactly ii2 goiing on.

GA: Um

GA: Well Im A Rainbow Drinker Now

TA: oh.

TA: you know what actually fuck thii2 iim goiing back two 2leep.

— twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

#dirk strider #rose lalonde #roxy lalonde #jake english #jade harley #longpost//#john egbert #jane crocker #kanaya maryam #sollux captor #dave is mentioned in this one but not actually in it so.#fanfic #fanfiction #katt does a writing #calmvsstormfic #calmvsstormchapter #now for the really fun part: formatting all this on ao3 #and by fun i mean deeply tedious

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