#thank you again for letting me bounce my ideas off of you <3 i'm very happy with this one đ
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I thought you had disappeared but instead!! đ congrats on the name change đ
omg you made art? for me???? this is so fuckin sweet how are you real!! i love it i love him đ„ș thank you my friend đ„șđ„ș
now taking guesses as to what crosslinguistic pun my new username is! because of this beautiful artwork you don't even really need to speak french to figure it out. i would say whoever gets it right gets a prize, but i'm not sure what it would be lol. so let's say if you get it right you may or may not get a prize. schrödinger's prize <3
#this is so sweet of you omg i'm losing it !!!#also you must have noticed like an hour after i changed it lol. it is very new!#thank you again for letting me bounce my ideas off of you <3 i'm very happy with this one đ#asks#not anon#crosslinguistic puns#just add#art#these are a few of my favorite things#NICE SHIT#you're so right about the color too. your mind#also WHEN did you make this?? have you had it locked and loaded for weeks or did you make it after noticing the change?#because either way i am emotional abt it
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SUMMARY : In which you let your husband take your virginity on your wedding night.
PAIRINGS: Dilf Taehyung x virgin reader
WORD COUNT :2K
SMUT WARNINGS: Unprotected sex (off course) ,cum eating, oral f. Eating out over panties, fingering, squirting, mention of blood (her cherry popped)! Titty sucking, aftercare ladies <3
A/N: A little something as Iâve reached 1k heheh thank you so much lovelies and i hope you liked this one and thank you my love đ @jj-one who helped me with this one and also @kingofbodyrolls who made this sexy bannerđ
The beach was filled with fragrant blooms, an array of white and pink tulips adorned the set up, a gentle breeze softly tickles the groom's hair and he smiles looking at you walking hand in hand with your father holding a small bouquet of lilies.
Your wedding veil cascades down your back, complementing the silk lace and pearls embroiled on the dress, making you feel like a fairy princess. Nervously walking down the aisle with your father you blush the moment you see your husband, soft music and doting cheers follows in the background the moment you took each step.
Soon reaching upon you face the love of your life Kim Taehyung, your dad places your hand on your husbandâs and some tears brim his eyes, asking him to always protect you and keep you happy forever. He chuckling upon his request, promising to keep you happy for the rest of his life while kissing the back of your palm and whispers "you look so beautiful my love." You visibly chuckle and mutter him a small "thanks, you look handsome as well".
You never thought you would end up with your casual fling that you met from an app, remembering it was one of your friends who had signed you up on the app after you broke up with your toxic ex. On the other side, Taehyung's friend, Jungkook, had signed him up when divorced his wife, thinking it was a good idea to get out of the grief and have some fun.
Your interests he was afraid if he came clean about his son you would leave.
He was sure he had fallen in love with you over the past year from just chatting and calling each other daily. It made him feel like he was a young man again and not a 38-year-old man who had a kid who would depend on for a few more years.
Taehyung was also afraid of the 16-year-old age gap, thinking it was too soon for you to commit to a lifelong relationship which included a child.
He had enough of it when he finally decided to take you on a date and coming clean about it. He came fully prepared to tell you about his son and break this situation you were in, he liked (read: Loves) you, but he didn't want you to live with the pressure of living with a child as you were young, and you had so much to experience.
In the cozy coffee shop, soft jazz played in the background while you nervously fidget on the chair, summing up the courage to tell him that you had started liking him and can see a future together. The man in front of you gave a crooked smile, continuing to surf through the menu.
"What will you have Y/n?" Taehyung asks as he skims each and every item written on the menu, his leg bouncing under the table due to anxiety.
"I love you Taehyung," you say at the same time as he began talking, he goes blank, the menu dropping from his hands while you mentally facepalm at yourselves. "Fuck I shouldn't have dropped this bomb this early.â
"What?" Taehyung gasps and then visibly gulps, and you return a crooked smile back. "Yes tae, I love you I've been loving you for a while now.." you confess once again, and he shutters "We-ll y/n m-e too" he says as if he's exclaiming, and you smile wide.
"But wait y/n, before I properly confess I want to tell you something," Taehyung nervously adds, becoming restless. Observing his moments you grab his spare hand which rested on the table and tell him to calm down.
"Y/n, you know Iâm divorced, right? But I'm sorry I have hidden something very big from you, I have a five-year-old son Yi-hyun" he says, and you gasp "Oh my god, tae why did you hide this for so long?" you question, he fiddles with his fingers and explains his insecurities and chances of you leaving him.
"No tae, I would never, in fact, I love children and I would really love to spend my whole life with you." You blush as those words come out and Taehyung giggles, "I'll be more than glad and feel honored to stay with you for the rest of my life."
Taehyung gazes into your eyes, his eyes full of love and promises, the gentle breeze makes the few whips of your flix fly, and he thinks you look so pretty, soon the calm breeze carries out your wedding vows and seals all the promises of this lifetime commitment.
Yi-hyun stands right in the middle of you and Taehyung's parents, an uproar of cheers and claps filled the atmosphere when you exchange your rings. Glancing at him, you give a flying kiss and he acts to catch it, your husband won't stop at looking you with heart eyes.
It was soon evening while you and your husband basked in the warmth of newly wed love, surrounded by all your supporting family and friends. He occasionally steals a few kisses from you when you both slow danced and enjoyed the dance until it was time to make your grand exit and walk hand in hand till you reached your car.Your parents insisted on keeping your son for a couple of days until you come back from the honeymoon.
"Yi- hyun, don't trouble your grandparents okay baby? Be a good boy for me and your mom okay?" Your husband tells your son and he nods , he kisses yours and his father's and climbs down from his grasp and tells you both a "goodbye".
"Let's go baby been waiting for this day ever since I met you, gonna fuck you hard," Taehyung says with lust-filled eyes, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. He lays a few soft pecks, soliciting a gasp from you, letting out the smallest whimper of his name.
The ride to your house was short, your husband helped to get you out of the car and quickly thanked the driver, not even a minute later your back meets the door of your penthouse as your husband starts to devour your mouth with his, heavy kisses full of spit coats your lips.
You were taken aback for a few seconds until your mind processes his action, kissing your lover back with the same burning passion, you struggle a bit until you get the keys from the back pocket of Taehyung's pants.
"One Sec baby, let me just open this, and we can go inside," you say almost breathlessly in between kisses, turning around. Once inside, both you and his clothes join the ground soon. "I'll go slow baby okay? It's your first time, right? Gonna savour every last moment of this." Taehyung assures you, and you nod.
Never in your twenty-two years of living did you have sex with your boyfriend. Sex was a whole different thing youâve yet to experience but you weren't a saint when it came to it either, the curious teen in you would look up porn and even tried masturbating before, but you just didnât feel anything from it, you thought you were doing something wrong.
Taehyung helped you to get comfortable in the bed whilst he removes the last piece of his clothing, his boxers, while you had kept your panties on, feeling your cunt coating the plumpness of his lips with your slick. You moan at the movement as he hovers above you, "ready baby?" your husband sweetly asks, you nod and voice a simple "yes.â
Soft, gentle kisses are first felt on your neck and the light touch of his fingertips tickles your lower belly, coming dangerously close to your core. His nimble fingers nudge the bow on your lace panties, sucking in your breath when he slowly goes down to explore the rest of your body, sucking on your skin lightly as he trails his way down. Soon purple hues are decorated all over you.
Once he faces your core, his hot breath leaves you tingly inside, whimpering out his name as he slowly licks a wet strip of over the fabric of your panties and sucks on the ball of your clit, repeating his languid motion again and again, his eyes watching you above him. Youâre left nothing short of a moaning mess, "fuck feels so good tae, just like that baby.." you express him how good heâs making you feel when he sucks and licks you over your panties, this new sensation was like no other.
Soon after a while he completely removes them off your body, groaning at the mess you made and his fingers rub over it so he could have some of you on his fingers. "Open baby" he affirms, you ecstatically take them in your mouth sucking off each finger one by one, he chuckles and bites back a moan. He thinks youâre the sexiest woman heâs ever seen.
"Gonna finger you baby, stay calm okay? I promise it's gonna soon feel okay." He assures and slowly inserts one of his fingers, you moan out loud as it feels different from what you felt while playing with yourself.
One finger soon turned into two and you felt something weird coming out, "Taehyung stop-stop, something's coming out," you breathlessly warn but he tells you to go on and doesnât stop fingering you, only upping his pace. Liquid soon gushes out, "fuck baby, pretty girl" never failing to fluster you and make you blush, shying away and looking everywhere but his eyes.
His frame hovers above yours and tells you to rest properly, "Baby, is it okay?" He asks before continuing. His hard cock brushing over your soaked pussy lips, itching to be inside your warm cunt, his fingers part your lips while you involuntarily twitch, feeling weightless as his thumb rubs gentle circles along your sensitive clit. "Ready y/n? Look we don't have to do it tonight you can always back out baby" he says while you whimper at the loss. "N-no want it so bad I can take it" you eagerly said, leaning in to kiss his lips. "It might hurt at first, but then it's going to be okay, I promise my darling." With that, he slowly aligns himself with you and enters inside, causing you to both moan in unison.
Kissing your forehead to calm you down when he sees faint tears brimming your eyes, he pulls out just enough so he can spit in between you two to make the slide much easier. He notices some blood as you were still a virginâ up until now, beads of sweat drip from the sides of him and some of it lands onto your boobs. He attached his lips to suckle them, seeing your pretty mouth open wide and decides to slip his finger in, your body rises a bit when he tells you to see the bloody mess and you whimper while he pets your head with his other hand.
"Calm down baby youâre gripping me so hard.." he groans from the way youâre sucking him up and you try your best to relax your muscles and try to enjoy this feeling while occasionally kissing him, moaning at his touches. He rests his forehead on top of yours and soon he cums inside, gasping from his overwhelming orgasm, he slowly pushes himself up and removes his now softened cock. You feel the cum dripping down to your ass. âWait up baby, I'm gonna get something to clean you up.â He smiles dotingly and you nod back at him.
Soon he cleans you both up and brings you a glass of water to drink, heâs cuddling with you as his fingers lace with yours. Soft kisses resound the room until you both knock down in each other's embrace.
You decide to wake him up with a good, morning blow job but who knew it would be him to be waking you up instead.
#Taehyung smut#kim taehyung#kim Taehyung smut#kim Taehyung fanfiction#Kim Taehyung x reader#taehyung x reader#Taehyung fluff#bts smut#taehyung fanfic#v smut#bts fanfiction#bts fanfic#Dilf Taehyung#Virgin reader#cherry prick#bts v#Bts#bts fanfic bts smut
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(to preface this, i am white. figured i should make that known off the bat) i wanted to come bounce an idea off of you that i've been rolling around in my head for a bit. i have this pet theory that, for the population ill call here "white progressive queers who know very little about poc and racism", a large underpinning of this group's interaction with poc is a Fear of Fucking Up and more generally, moral purity thought. they (maybe even "we"- im still hopefully learning myself) get so paralyzed by this idea and line of thinking that goes something like this: "1) since i know nothing about poc & racism, then 2) clearly in discussions about these topics, i will fuck up and say something wrong or perhaps even Bigoted, which if i did 3) makes me an Irreparable Ontologically Evil Racist, hence 4) i should just be quiet and never ask questions/speak on these topics" which then results in said White Progressive Queer and those around them never learning. i wanted to know what you think abt this and tell me if im on the mark or not
also thank u for the work u do on this blog, ive found so many helpful resources through you
You're right. In my experience that's exactly how it is.
I want to add tho: yes they're uncomfortable that they might fuck up and be considered racists sure, but a huge part of that stems from the massive inability to place the discomfort where it belongs. Which is with their own guilt.
Instead they blame the conversations for making them uncomfortable.
And let's take some worthy notes here: this is not how white people feel all the time. Because white people are not uncomfortable making these fuck ups in front of other white people.
So it's not that the conversation is uncomfortable. They are made uncomfortable. And they are made uncomfortable because even when discussing anti-racism they step into the role of oppressor (the little fuck ups or accidentally bigoted comments) so naturally and God forbid other (not white) people can See how easy it is.
My advice for white people that are like this (that nobody asked for) is
Your fuckups do not define you but how you react to them does
Listen, respect, learn
That's it. That's the whole list. Say something bad? Apologize, but don't over-explain yourself. Ask how to fix it. Google how you fucked up so you understand why it wasn't okay. Google again to get idea of how your fuck up hurts people. Google some more to make sure you don't do it again. Go to some safe space and ask some clarifying questions. Listen, respect, learn.
Maybe the people you fucked up with don't forgive you and that's okay, they don't have to. But YOU won't ever make anyone feel bad or less than in the same way ever again and that's what matters.
Having one less person making racist comments matters even if it's a struggle for that person to get to that point.
I need y'all to understand that none of you are gonna just wake up being suddenly perfect anti-racist allies. And we will literally never ever have allies like that if y'all refuse to even sit with your own discomfort.
âąÂ°âąÂ°âą
This weird morality issue white people have over looking racist is also just such a non-problem. Like if y'all want a PoC perspective: white people are already being racist ÂŻâ \â _â (â ăâ )â _â /â ÂŻ ....we Already see y'all as racists. And also I'm gonna experience racism anyway so I'd rather it be because someone was just being ignorant on the path to anti-racism.
Y'all are so worried about how shit Looks that you can't be bothered how really things are? Like you're so afraid of looking racist you'd allow yourselves to continue being actually ignorant and casually racist. And to avoid what? Being uncomfortable for a minute? Being called-out? A mean comment?
We are trying to stop hate crimes and genocide. Like that's what we are dealing with okay. Accountability for your actions is an acquired taste but I think y'all can handle some discomfort considering.
#every time im confronted with the idea that white feelings are why BIPOC are being killed daily i get umhinged tbh#like i might die if i call the cops cuz YOUD feel bad if you talked about racism? AND YOURE JUST KEEP NOT DOING IT?? WHY#asked#answered#sorry#some asks just like#do this to me#white people like this make me wanna shake them back and forth viscerally#whiteness
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things we donât say: part 5 (kth)
banner credit: @itaeewon
summary: Three years after graduating college, everything seems to be falling into place for you: stable job, cozy apartment, and a long-term boyfriend with a ring box hidden in his desk drawer. But when a mutual friend makes a remark that your best friend of nearly two decades is clearly in love with you, you realize that life may not be as simple as it seems.
pairing: Taehyung x Reader (with some VERY brief Seokjin x Reader and Yoongi x Reader)
rating: 18+
genres: best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slow burn, angst, fluff, eventual smut
word count: 12.1k
chapter warnings: jeon jungkook, seventeen is here because i needed fill-ins (also theyâre not singers but their music still canonically exists in-universe so good luck figuring that one out), a wedding!, tae is WHIPPED, the infamous butt debate, jealousy (plural), jimin has terrible timing, alcohol consumption ft. a drinking game, a mega cliffhanger iâm so sorry
a/n: while not required, i highly recommend reading the prequel drabble if you havenât yet as it has some heavy relevance to this part and the next! special thanks to @btsborahaee and @jeonwiixard for beta-ing this chapter and letting me gush and brainstorm in their inboxes on the regular <3 also, shout outs to @animeniacss and @taegularities for sprinting with me all the time (and a forehead kiss to rid for coming up with the idea for the bathroom scene, mwah)!
PREVIOUS // SERIES MASTERLIST // MASTERLIST
Read on ao3
"After today, I never want to see a ribbon ever again."
Jimin fumbles his fingers over the thin string, throwing his hands up in a huff when the slippery material resists his efforts to tie it. With Hoseok and Sunny's wedding only two weeks away, you'd offered to help out with some of the prep work, and Taehyung suggested hosting a mini prep party at your apartment as part of his efforts to make new memories since you'd moved back. True to his word, heâs been at your place nearly every day the past few weeks, cooking dinner with you and rewatching your favorite shows from high school.
You have to admit itâs been pleasantly domestic.
"It's not that bad," you say, finishing off your own ribbon around one of the tiny boxes of chocolate which will be distributed to each of the two-hundred-plus guests as a wedding favor.
"No, I'm serious. I don't even want to tie my shoes anymore. I'm a Crocs guy now."
"I've heard girls love sport mode," Taehyung quietly teases. "Is that right, Y/N?"
The flirtatiousness of his tone startles you, and your eyes snap up to meet his where he sits across from you at the dining room table. He's smiling one of those mischievous grins that makes your stomach churn, belly lurching when he stuns you with a wink before turning back to his own tiny box.
What the fuâ
"If any of you show up to my wedding in Crocs, I'm kicking you out," Sunny grumbles.
Hoseok smacks his lips as he ties off a ribbon. "Does that also go forâ"
"You as well, yes."
Your group settles into a momentary silence at her declarationânot a sound besides the ripple of ribbon and paper. At least untilâ
âI got laid wearing Crocs once.â
The entire table groans in unison, and you toss a bit of balled up wrapping paper at Jungkook's chest that bounces pathetically to the floor as Jimin boos. âNo one cares about your sexcapades, Kook.â
âWhat, it was impressive!â he argues. âJust be thankful I'm not bringing any of them to the wedding.â
âI almost wish you were,â Hoseok grumbles. âYou'd better not be picking up anyone inappropriate that night. Sisters, cousins, auntsââ
âThat was one time!â
ââand anyone else even remotely close to family are off limits.â
Jungkook is quiet for a long moment, pouting to himself, before he says, âMoms?â
The table boos again, more bits of wrapping paper flying his way.
âI'm kidding! Kidding!â
âActually, Y/N,â Sunny murmurs, leaning towards you. âI hate to bring it up, but are you planning on bringing anyone else in Jaceâs place?â Her expression is one of compassionate regret, with pursed lips and a furrowed brow, but the question still hits you low in your chest, knocking the wind out of you.
âI feel terrible asking,â she continues, âbut one of my friends from high school originally declined a plus-one, and now sheâs asking if thereâs any way we can squeeze in this guy she met two weeks ago, and normally Iâd tell her no, thereâs no way I can change the head count two weeks out and who is this guy anyway, but then I figured that we do technically have an extra spot so we could fit him in, but Iâd definitely give you the option to bring someone else first if you waââ
âItâs fine,â you say, trying to ignore the way everyone else around the table is now looking on in sympathy. âI have no one else to bring. Let her guy come.â
âAre you sure?â
âPositive.â It feels like youâre dying inside, but you try to look unbothered, especially since you can feel Taehyungâs eyes on you. âI donât mind.â
âOkay,â Sunny quietly agrees, just as Hoseok suddenly jumps in at her side.
âYou know, Tae isnât bringing anyone to the wedding either,â he says, looking between the two of you. âWhy donât you just go together?â
âIâm also going aloââ Thereâs a thump under the table and Jungkook immediately shuts his mouth.
You glance at Taehyung, whoâs looking back at you with a dip in his eyebrows and parted lips. It was probably a given that you would spend time at the wedding hanging out already, but wouldnât going together mean something else entirely? A promise of dancing and proximity and a label the two of you have never shared?
Perhaps thatâs the reason why heâs staring at you with a touch of discomfort. Your own skin prickles at the thought, and so you scratch away the itch at your chin and deflect.
âThatâs okay. We donât have to.â Then you stand from the table sharply, hitting your limits with this conversation. âIâll be right back.â
You head for the bathroom, not even needing to do anything in there, but sure that you can busy yourself for a few minutes to get your emotions under control away from your friends. But as youâre about to swing the door shut behind you, a large hand reaches out to stop it with a thud, and Taehyung quickly slips in before closing the door himself.
âTae, what are youââ
âCome with me.â
Youâre practically chest-to-chest, and if not for the fact that youâve stopped breathing with his question, youâd probably be pressed up against him in the tight space.
âWhat?â
He licks his lips, pulls in air through his nose like heâs bracing himself.
âCome to the wedding with me.â
The room is heavy with silence as his request fully sinks in, the air between you thick and hot as you try to get some of it into your lungs. Itâs hard, though, to develop a coherent thought with him standing so closeâhis scent engulfing you and dark, searching eyes fixated on your expression.
âI donât knoââ you begin, but heâs quick to cut you off.
âWhy not? Like Hobi said, neither of us is bringing anyone already.â His fingers brush yoursâan apology for mentioning it again. âSo why not go together andâŠnot be as alone.â
You shift on your feet. âBut you do know that you donât have to do this. Iâm fine without a plus one. Thereâs no shame in it for me.â
âY/N,â he huffs. âYou know that I like being around you, right?â He nudges gently against the underside of your chin, making you look at him directly. âI wouldnât have stuck around this long if I didnât.â
Youâre still skepticalânervous about the implications of what this would look like, especially when you just got out of a relationship. To you, it feels very much like teasing a boundary. But Taehyung is all nerves in front of you, gaze darting up-and-down your face and a tiny pull at the corner of his mouth telling you that heâs chewing on his lip.
And of course, because itâs him, you cave.
âOkay.â
He beams and, not for the first time, you feel your chest lighten at the sight of his boxy smile. âOkay?â
âYeah, okay,â you say, smiling back.
âOkay.â Almost impossibly, his grin gets even wider, and you can see the wheels begin to turn in his head. âDo you have a dress picked out yet? What color is it? I can match you.â
It takes you aback. You wouldnât have even thought about that. âEmerald green.â
âEmerald green,â he repeats, something registering behind his eyes, and he licks his lips again. âOkay. Great.â
He shifts like he's getting ready to leave, but you catch his fingers to reel him back. And you hate to put it out there, hate to even bring it up, but after everything youâve been through, you need the clarity.
âAnd Tae,â you say, âthis isnât a date, right?â
He gives a slow blink, a wave of unknown emotion rippling from forehead to chin before he smiles gently at you, eyes softening at the corners. âOf course not.â
You nod. âOkay.â And a small part of you feelsâŠdisappointed?
But there's no time to dwell on it as he exits the bathroom, and you follow him out in spite of doing exactly zero bathroom things. You return to the dining room together, your friends clearly trying to look nonchalant as they diligently work on their party favors but being way too quiet to not have been trying to eavesdrop on your conversation.
âSunny,â Taehyung says as you take your seats, looking positively brighter. âJust make sure we're sitting next to each other, yeah?â
She snorts. âAs if you were anywhere else to begin with.â
Blue skies stretch endlessly in front of you, wind running through your hair and sunlight filtering in through the sunroof as you and Taehyung make the trip to the lakeside resort where Hoseok and Sunny are to be married. He's the absolute picture of relaxation in the driver's seat, wearing sunglasses and a mindless smile with his fingers wrapped delicately around the steering wheel like vines.
He'd opened the door for you when he picked you up, a seemingly spontaneous gesture that had left you both shy and blushing. But if the afternoon started with a touch of unusual awkwardness between you, the prospect of your ânot a dateâ wedding date making itself known, it has since evaporated in the hot summer air. At this point, youâve spent the past hour chatting, playing road trip games (Taehyung somehow destroying you in the alphabet game in spite of having to focus on driving), and burning through three boxes of Pepero.
âThese are an addiction, I swear,â you say, crunching down on a chocolate-filled stick and clapping your hands in delight. Taehyungâs eyes leave the road for a second as he takes you in and grins.
âWas that the last of it?â
âOh.â You peer into the box. Empty. âYeah. Sorry. Did you want it?â
âNo, itâs fine. You can have it.â
âI sure hope so since I already swallowed it.â
He laughs, whole face lighting up with it, and you feel something turn over behind your ribcage as if someoneâs flipped your heart like a pancake. It makes you think that even though you were supposed to be making this trip with a different person, youâre glad itâs him instead.
My love only amounts to this.
The lyrics ring out through the car, and Taehyung leans forward suddenly, turning up the volume on the stereo.
âWhat are you doing?â
âItâs your favorite song!â he joyfully says. âI know you like to sing along.â
You stare at him blankly, taken aback because you donât think youâve ever mentioned this to him. When did he noticeâŠ?
âCâmon, sing with me. Play a song I know and one step. Hold my hands and put my feet in, two steps.â
His sweet baritone sounds out beside you, and you feel a grin break out across your face. You always forget what a joy it is to hear Taehyung sing.
âThe person to know all my secrets is you,â you sing, joining along. âSo Iâm even more thankful.â
âSometimes when you get tired, and I see you crying with your head down, I don't know what to do. What can I do?â
Youâre both belting it out at the top of your lungs by the time it gets to the chorus, and you think the sun has somehow moved inside the car with how bright and warm you feel.
My love only amounts to this.
But thank you for staying by my side, my baby.
Your car charges down the road, trailing laughter and joy in its wake, and your chest feels light for the first time in weeks.
Even if my love only amounts to this.
I'll be your umbrella in the rain.
I'll protect you on all your days.
Jimin, Maya, and Jungkook meet you in the hotel lobbyâa marble behemoth with wrought iron staircases and sofas that definitely cost more than your rentâand you all line up to check in, gawking at the elaborate chandelier that hangs above your heads.
âHow did they even afford this place?â Jimin wonders.
Maya sucks her teeth. âAt this rate? I think they might have mob ties.â
âFeet pics,â Jungkook says simply.
Once everyone has obtained their key cards, you set off to find your rooms. Youâre all on the same floor since a certain section was booked specifically for the wedding, but with you having a room with only a single queen-sized bed, youâre down the hall and away from the others who booked doubles.
While Jimin, Maya, and Jungkook break off to get acclimated in their own respective rooms, Taehyung follows you into yours with a touch of melancholy, your luggage slung over his shoulder.
âAre you sure youâre fine here alone?â he asks, setting your bag on the ground. âI can room with you if youâd like. Iâm sure Kook wouldnât mind.â
âThereâs only one bed,â you point out, blushing.
Taehyung also goes slightly pink. âWell yeah, but the other week we justâŠor I can take the couch. Or we can ask Kook to swap rooms?â
âItâs okay,â you say. âIâm alone at the apartment all the time anyway.â
He nods, looking oddly shot down. âAlright. But if you change your mind, just ask.â
âUnlikely,â you tease with a wrinkle of your nose. âYou snore.â
He gasps, feigning hurt. âI do not.â
He doesnât. But you still tilt your head solemnly, pressing your lips together as if preparing to deliver bad news. âYou do.â
âShit,â he sighs before the two of you break down in giggles.
A few hours later, the five of you wind up at the resortâs restaurant for dinner, lamenting the exorbitant prices but enjoying an incredible meal. The night dwindles down as you settle in at the bar, figuring you can have a couple drinks before resting up for tomorrowâs big day. With a wall of floor-to-ceiling windows, you have a perfect view of the lake outside and the glow of the sunset spreading out above the trees. It tints the room orange, seeping onto every surface, including Taehyungâs forearms resting atop the bar.
You trace his veins with your eyes, study the way they trail to his hands curled lightly around his low ball glass. Your friends are talking about plans for tomorrow, but youâre not paying much attention; youâre far more interested in trying to figure out when your best friendâs arms started looking like that.
âAnd donât worry, Chim. If I have the chance to get lucky, Iâll make sure not to use our room,â Maya says, placing a hand over her heart in pledge. âNo locking you out because Iâm a good friend.â
But Jungkook has tensed up next to you, and in spite of the cute pout of his lips, the creasing of his forehead suggests that heâs genuinely upset. âHook-up? Youâre going to find a hook-up?â
Maya looks at him incredulously, drink paused halfway to her lips. âPossibly. Arenât you?â
âIâŠâ His teeth bite into his lip. âItâs a wedding.â
She barks out a devilish laugh. âSo? When has that ever stopped you?â A spiteful glare is sent his way that even has you shrinking behind him in secondhand shame. âSince when do you have morals?â
Taehyungâs knee squeezes against yours under the barâa warning, probably, but your brain momentarily becomes fixated on the weight of it, on how nice it feels to have his warmth pressed against you. Itâs not until he taps a finger against your thigh, signaling with his eyes at the sullen man behind you, that you pass on the touch, giving Jungkookâs elbow a gentle nudge in support and encouragement. He takes a quick look at you with sad, vulnerable eyes, and youâre reminded of how flustered heâd been during your conversation a few weeks ago.
âI was actually thinking,â he begins, more serious than youâve ever seen him, âthat maybe we could go together since neither of us have dates.â
Maya snorts, setting her drink down firmly on the countertop. âWhy, so you can ditch me halfway through for the first woman that flutters her eyelashes at you? No thanks.â
Jungkook physically recoils like heâs been slapped, the force sending him back so far that he practically winds up in your lap. âYou really think I would do that?â
His voice is tiny, hurt dripping from every syllable, and it makes Maya finally look up, face dropping as she seems to realize the wounds sheâs inflicted upon him.
Her brows draw together, and she opens her mouth to say something but is interrupted by the bartender popping up to ask if anyone needs a refill. By the time he leaves, the momentâs passed, and Jungkook briskly stands up, throwing some money down on the bar.
âIâm done. See you guys tomorrow.â And he strides out towards the hotel lobby.
You hop to your feet, shaking your head at Maya. âThat was uncalled for.â
She looks guilty but says nothing, rubbing a finger along the rim of her glass, and you follow Jungkook out, calling his name as he approaches the elevators.
âJungkook!â
He spins to face you with a frown, thumbs hooked in his pants pockets like heâs trying to look casual, but his eyes betray his discomfort. âWhat?â
âShe didnât mean that,â you say, slightly breathless from your jog across the lobby. âI know she didnât.â
âSure she did. Thatâs who she is. Always speaks her mind.â He shrugs, shirt rippling over his shoulders. âItâs fine. I donât care.â
âDonât you though?â you ask. âYouâre not a bad guy, Kook. You deserve simple respect at least.â
âMaybe I donât.â The elevator dings, and he steps inside, turning back to you with a final sad smile. âNight, Y/N.â
A sense of dread taps into the back of your skull, fear that your original inkling on this relationship was perhaps correct. Though youâve since warmed up to the idea of Maya and Jungkook as a potential couple, it was this exact tension that you were worried aboutâtheir fire and gasoline dynamic harboring implications that could blow up your entire friend group.
Taehyung strolls up next to you as the doors roll shut, sighing as he comes to a stop. âHe okay?â
âNo, but donât try telling him that.â
He purses his lips. âI had a quick talk with Maya. Reminded her that just because sheâs had bad experiences with guys in the past doesnât give her the right to take it out on him.â
âGood,â you say. âShe probably needed to hear it.â
A nod as he assesses your figure and asks, âAre you coming back to the bar? I already covered your tab.â
âOh, Iâll pay you backââ
âDonât worry about it,â he says. âYou can make it up to me a different time.â
You smirk at him, stepping closer. âHow about I roll it into your Christmas present?â
âDeal.â
You let out a soft laugh, and he offers to walk you up, pressing the button to call the elevator back. The two of you chat about nothing in particular as you make your way to the third floor, commenting on the ridiculously patterned carpet in the halls and laughing about the strangely risqué photos that you noticed hanging in the rooms.
When you arrive at your door, you swipe your key card over the sensor, turning the light from red to green and wishing Taehyung goodnight, but he loops his fingers around your wrist to lightly tug you back.
âY/N.â He curls his bottom lip over his teeth, head dipping towards the ground in a shy smile as he searches for his words. âIâmâŠreally looking forward to tomorrow. Itâs going to be fun.â
Heâs adorable; he truly is. Seventeen years of affection, and he still finds ways to endear you to him even more, bits of gold from the lamps catching on the browns of his eyes as he stands before you.
âIt is,â you say, tongue tied around your own apprehension. He hums and looks like he wants to say moreâtangles his fingers in front of him and chews on his lip as he fidgets. But after a moment passesâyou still stuck on his eyesâhe jerks his chin down in a nod, says goodnight, and leaves you standing at your door in confusion, taking one look back as he swipes his own key card down the hall and disappears into his room.
You enter your own space with your mind whirling, not sure what the hell just happened but also sure that youâre not upset about it. And once youâve gone through your bedtime routine and settled in for the night, you fall asleep thinking about brown eyes and shy smiles, welcoming the most restful sleep youâve had in weeks.
You awake to the sound of Maya knocking on your door promptly at 9am with her suitcase in hand, casually making her way to your bed when you let her in and picking up the hotel menu from the side table while you stare at her.
"What are you doing?"
"We are going to order room service and watch some shitty TV, and then I am going to help you get you ready for your date."
"It's not a date," you say on impulse, though you're internally tamping down the involuntary flutter that's tickling your stomach. "If it's anything, it's a guy taking pity on his unexpectedly-single friend."
"Pity date then." She says it with a nonchalant wave of her hand and doesn't give you the chance to speak when you open your mouth to protest. "Y/N, please, just give me the chance to make his jaw drop. If there really is nothing there like you say there is, then what's the harm?"
The harm, you think to yourself, is the tingling feeling that's been increasing in intensity when you've been around Taehyung recently, warmth flooding your body at just the thought of him. Your brain has been desperately explaining it away, chalking it up to years of familiarity and comfort being stoked by the emotional trauma which (you're quick to remind yourself) you're still working through.
No, Y/N, I donât have feelings for you.
It's these thoughts that, in the end, have you acquiescing as Maya lets out a joyful squeal. At the very least, you make your friend happy and get some well-deserved girl bonding time.
Really, what's the harm?
The idea has barely finished running through your mind when youâre already beginning to regret it and wondering what the hell you just got yourself into. Maya wheels her entire suitcase to the foot of your bed and pulls out no less than seven bags of make-up, a curling iron, hairspray, four different brushes, and a straightener.
âAre you doing the entire wedding party after this?â you ask incredulously. âWhy did you bring so much?â
âNeeded to be ready for anything,â she says, organizing her tools into neat rows. âWhen Iâm done with you, every straight man and half the women will be falling at your feet.â
Your face heats, and you subconsciously rub at your arm. âThatâs really not necessary.â
âOkay, then just one man.â She raises her arms, fingers arranged into a square through which she peers at you like sheâs sizing you up for a photograph. âHmm, where should we start?â
You and Maya make your way to the resort's event hall a little while before the ceremony is scheduled to begin. Seating doesn't seem to have opened yet as guests mill about the entryway, the buzz of conversation filling the space above your heads, and the two of you pause at the top of the stairs to see if you can spot your friends.
"I think Kook's got a purple tie," she says, peering around.
"And you know what he's wearing why?" you ask, but she ignores you.
"Oh, look, there they are."
Maya's goal may have been to get Taehyung's jaw to drop, but you're left stunned when you look over to where he's standing with Jimin and Jungkook, the now-familiar tingle rippling through your veins once again. His black suit is perfectly tailored, accentuating his broad shoulders and narrow waist, emerald green tie wrapped around his neck to match the color of your dress as promised. He's slicked his hair back and away from his eyes so you're able to see how they nervously dart between Jimin and Jungkook, clearly not listening to whatever it is they're enthusiastically saying. Actually, once you look more closely, everything about his body language screams nerves for some reason, his hands moving back and forth to play with the hems of his jacket before smoothing the lapels over and over again.
Maya waves, grabbing Jimin's attention, and you watch as he grins at the two of you before leaning in to say something to Taehyung, pointing at where you're standing.
Maybe, you think, just maybe you appreciate Maya's plan from this morning after Taehyung glances up at you. His incessantly-moving fingers finally stillâhalfway through re-adjusting his tieâand his perfect Cupid's-bow-lips pop open, eyes wide as he soaks you in in your floor-length gown. Mayaâs worked your hair into loose curls cascading over your shoulders and bare back, and while you convinced her to not go wild with the make-up, she strong-armed you into agreeing to a deep red lipstick thatâs only accentuated by the green of your dress.
A smug cough comes from your right (clearly Maya's pleased with her work) as you descend the stairs and approach the trio of men. Jimin and Jungkook greet you brightly while Taehyung still looks mildly concussed, continuing to stare at you with his mouth half-open.
"Alright there, Tae?" you ask, reaching up to adjust and smooth out his tie, messy from where his hands had frozen on it.
The pads of your fingers are hot where they brush against the hard muscle of his chest, and you try not to read too deeply into the pounding of his heart.
Taehyung makes a weird noise akin to what you'd imagine a drowning fish would sound like, and Jungkook gives him a sharp slap on the back, which seems to knock him out of whatever trance he'd fallen into.
"Incredible!" he blurts, and you almost want to laugh at the reset-button-like effect Jungkook's smack seems to have on him. He clears his throat, composing himself further. "I, umâyou, I mean. You look incredible."
You thank him, ignoring the second wave of smugness that comes from Maya's direction, just as the event staff open the doors and begin ushering guests into the hall. Taehyung offers you his arm, and you gladly take it as he guides you to sit alongside your friends.
The wedding hall is as grandiose as the rest of the hotel, with columns ornamenting the sides of the room and a massive flower arch constituting the altar. You all talk as you wait for the ceremony to begin, admiring the decor (the bright bouquets of red, purple, and blue flowers pop against the stark white of the venue) and trying to see if you recognize any of the guests.
âOh, thereâs Sunnyâs cousin Chan,â Maya says, peering out over the room. âRemember we met him at that party one time?â
âDidnât the two of you drunkenly make-out?â you ask.
Jimin frowns. âI thought they hooked up.â
âNo, Y/N is right.â She fixes her hair, oblivious to the way Jungkook is now staring at the man in question, hackles raised. âWouldnât say no to that happening again; he was good with his hands. Tae, are you alright? Youâre looking at Y/N like sheâs sprouted four more arms.â
You swivel your head around to see Taehyung next to you, entirely flushed red above the shoulders. He licks his lips as he meets your eyes, blinking furiously like heâs trying to clear his thoughts. âSorry, I spaced out.â
âUh-huh. Sure.â Maya waves a dismissive hand, shuffling her attention to Jimin to ask if he knows about the music choices for the ceremony.
A throat clears on your right. âYou do look nice. Really.â Taehyung looks utterly sheepish, his head tilted low as he softly pays you the compliment, and it reminds you of how shy he was last night as well. A butterfly takes flight in your chest, and now youâre the one blushing.
âThank you. You cleaned up nicely, too,â you reply, and he blinks at you in a way that has you second guessing your words. âNot that you donât always clean up nicely. And not that you donât normally look very handsome. Because you do. Look very handsome, I mean. All the time.â
His bashfulness morphs into amusement, lips quirking up in an affectionate smile. âOh, really?â
Your face heats up even more, mouth opening to respond with you donât even know what, and youâre grateful when a hush falls over the room, the beginning notes of a wedding march signaling the ceremonyâs start.
Hoseok appears first, looking dapper in a full tuxedo and grinning ear-to-ear. He walks down the aisle with long strides like he canât possibly get to the end fast enough, bouncing on his toes as he settles into his spot.
The officiant is next, followed by Iseul and Seokmin, one of Hoseokâs childhood friends. Hana and Namjoon stroll in arm-in-arm after that, then Yumi and Jiho, and finally, everyone rises to their feet as Sunny appears at the entrance and begins her walk in, gaze finding only her groom.
Just as Sunny reaches the head of the aisle, a teary-eyed Hoseok taking her hands in his, another image, one which had once occupied your mind almost constantly but hadn't plagued you in weeks, takes hold: you and Jace in a similar setting, pledging forever to each other in front of your friends and family.
Maybe you had gotten ahead of yourselfâthe discovery of the ring box in his desk along with the natural longevity of your relationship sparking your imaginationâbut in the weeks leading up to your heartbreak, you had allowed your mind to planâwhat kind of dress you'd wear, the colors you'd pick out, what you might say in your vows. It seems stupid now, dwelling on a future that's already evaporated into nothingness, but seeing the echoes of your dreams being played out in front of you, itâs like you can feel the sand physically slipping through your fingers.
Right as it starts to become too much, as you feel your chest tighten and heart ache, there's a brush of skin against the side of your hand, and glancing down, you see that Taehyung's reached over to quietly hook his pinky with yours. You turn to face him, but he keeps his eyes directed on the bride and groom, face neutral and unreadable, and you know he's giving you the chance to pull away, no questions asked.
But the gesture has warmth flooding through you, thawing the ice of your previous thoughts, and so you move to slip your hand under his, lacing your fingers and pressing your palms together tightly.
Taehyung looks at you then, a shy smile crinkling his eyes and twisting up the corners of his mouth, and you grin back, the previous ache in your chest replaced with a steady flutter as he begins to skim his thumb back and forth in a gentle caress.
You stay that way for the rest of the ceremonyâwatching your friends vow eternity to each other, Taehyung's hand tethered with yours.
Classical music drifts from the speakers at the back of the room as you find your seats for the reception. The ballroom is tremendous, with tall, arched ceilings, a gorgeous chandelier, and a wide dance floor that youâre sure will see a ton of action later. With the tables seating eight, you see that youâve been placed in a grouping of you, Taehyung, Maya, Jimin, Jungkook, and three of Hoseokâs medical school friends, who introduce themselves as Wonwoo, Joshua, and Mingyu.
Thankfully, your group hits it off immediately. Wonwoo is rather reserved, more an observer of those around him than anything, but Taehyung and Jimin quickly strike up a conversation with Joshua about college after the latter mentions having gone to the same school as you, albeit never crossing paths. Maya and Mingyu, meanwhile, immediately fall into their own introductions, talking about how they know Hoseok and Mingyuâs studies to become a doctor.
âIf you ever need a headshot or something, let me know,â Maya says, laying a hand on his arm. Across the table, Jungkook's head shoots up. âI do work as a photographer and would be happy to help.â
âOh, really?â Mingyu makes no move to remove her hand; if anything, he shifts even closer. âWhat are your rates?â
âFor you? Free of charge. Any friend of Hoseok is a friend of mine.â They're in their own little bubble now, Jungkook watching wide-eyed. âBesides, you'd be doing me a favor. With a face like that, you're a photographer's dream. Perfect model.ïżœïżœ
Mingyu smirks. âA face like what?â
âDangerously handsome.â
âHEY, WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT TO SPECIALIZE IN?â
Jungkook practically screams it, and not only do Maya and Mingyu turn to look at him in bewilderment, but so does the rest of the table and a few guests in the neighboring seats.
Joshua clears his throat awkwardly, eying Jungkook like he might be rabid. âIâm trying for pediatrics.â
âSurgery,â Wonwoo says.
Maya turns towards her new companion. âWhat about you, Mingyu?â
He leans back in his chair. Gives a light tug on his tie. âI have a residency lined up in obstetrics and gynecology.â
âOh, youâve gotta be fucking kidding meââ
âJungkook,â Taehyung says, cutting him off as he slides his chair back from the table. âWhy donât you help me get a round of drinks?â
âButââ
âCâmon.â He says it gently, like heâs trying to coax a toddler, and rises to his feet, giving you a gentle tap on the shoulder as he goes. âCosmo?â
âYes, please,â you say, and he nods, dropping a quick wink your way as Jungkook joins him, grumbling under his breath.
Joshua watches them walk away in the direction of the bar. âIs he always thisâŠâ
âAnnoying?â Maya scoffs.
âTransparent.â Wonwoo quietly smirks.
A gentle laugh sounds on your left as Jimin hears. âI donât know that anyone has ever described Jungkook as subtle in his life.â
Maya frowns, Mingyu looking downright perplexed at her side. âI donât think I quite understand whatâs going on,â he begins, but Maya soothes him with another press of her hand to his arm.
âDonât worry about him. It doesnât matter,â she says. âTell me more about your residency.â
The reception passes in a swirl of music and drinks and foodâand oh goodness, the food. Plates heaped with calamari, crab legs, and tiny filets wrapped in bacon are placed at the table by wait staff as your group digs in. Even Jungkook is placated, no longer scowling at Maya and Mingyu.
"Ughhh, I am never eating this well again," Jimin groans, stretching back in his chair and giving an exaggerated rub to his belly.
"You'd best get ready to," Taehyung says from your other side. "This isn't even dinner."
"This isn't even dinner?!"
Dinner turns out to be just as delicious and lavish as the appetizers, and it's no surprise that once dancing starts, your friends opt to stay seated for a while longer talking and digesting. As the party climbs to a full swing, Mingyu asks Maya to dance, Jimin and Jungkook start a debate on whether the butt is one body part or two, and Taehyung excuses himself to the restroom.
âItâs one part thatâs split!â Jimin loudly exclaims. âThe top is connected!â
âJimin, go home, stand in front of the mirror, and pull your right ass cheek up. See if your left cheek comes up with it, and then get back to me, you absolute clown.â
âDo they do this a lot?â Joshua asks, the two idiots arguing between you.
âAt least once a month.â You take a sip of your drink as you look on, bored. âIâm pretty sure this one is a rerun from last Halloween.â
âItâs one,â Wonwoo says, amused.
A flash of green catches your eye, and you look up to see Taehyung standing by the side of the bar, speaking with a woman. She's about your age, you think, and pretty, wearing a low-cut dress that certainly accentuates her chest.
She and Taehyung are talking excitedly, and you can tell he's putting the charm onâeyes bright, signature boxy smile lighting up his face. Nausea simmers in the pit of your stomach, and you force your attention back towards Jimin and Jungkook, trying to focus on whatever nonsense they're debating now.
This isn't a âdate-date,â you remind yourself. And Taehyung hasn't had a relationship in a yearânot since he was so torn up after Luna. He deserves to meet someone.
Youâre spaced out next to your friends, still only halfway listening to them jabber on about butt cheeks, when a slow song starts up over the speakers and, within seconds, a hand is being extended over your shoulder.
You look up to find Taehyung's eyes gazing steadily down at you, a small but confident smile playing on his lips.
"Dance with me?"
And in spite of the unease that had plagued you only moments ago, you don't hesitate to let him wrap up your small hand in his large one and lead you to the dance floor. His palm settles on your lower back to pull you in close, and maybe itâs the proximity or the intoxicating smell of his cologne that weakens your resolve, but you find the words spilling out.
"Did you get her number?"
Taehyung looks at you quizzically, brow furrowing in confusion. "Whose?"
"The woman at the bar."
His face relaxes as he realizes. "Oh, yeah. I did."
"Good." You manage a smile. Why does it feel so hard? "It really isâŠgood you're getting back out there. Are you going to ask her on a date?"
He laughs, mischief in his eyes. "I don't think her fiancé would like that." And now it's your turn to look confused.
"Her fiancé?"
"I met the two of them through Hoseok a couple times so we've chatted. Nice people." He nods his head, and you look over to see the woman now dancing with a man not too far from you. "They just got engaged, and she knows I'm a photographer so she asked if I'd be interested in doing the wedding. I said I'd call her this week to talk about it."
"Oh." You can feel your face flush, but there's no doubting the relief that floods through you. And Taehyung surely notices, grinning down at you in amusement.
"Were you jealous?"
"No!" you say, but perhaps a little too quickly because Taehyung laughs, his fingers applying a gentle pressure to your back to pull you closer.
"I'm here with you," he murmurs matter-of-factly.
You shake your head at him. "It's fine, Tae. If someone catches your eyeâŠlike I said, it could be goodâ"
"I'm here with you," he repeats, more firmly this time. He releases your hand for a moment to tuck a stray curl behind your ear, and you have to look away.
You spot Hoseok and Sunny swaying together in the middle of the dance floor, pressed closely together and smiling at each other like they're the only two people in the world. What it must be like to have someone look at you like that, you think, to hold you like you're something precious to be cherished. You had thought Jace made you feel that way, but now, watching your friends gaze at each other so delicately, so in love, you're no longer sure he even came close.
"What are you looking at?" Taehyung's voice rouses you out of your thoughts, and you suddenly notice his hand has drifted a little higher to where the back of your dress dips down low, exposing your bare skin.
Trying to pass off the shiver that involuntarily runs through you as a nod, you gesture at the newly married couple. "They're so good together."
Taehyung follows your line of sight, watching Hoseok lean down to murmur something in Sunny's ear that makes her giggle and press her face into his chest. "They are."
"Can you imagine loving someone like that?" Your voice is a bare whisper as if the words slipped out on their own accord, like a wish you didn't even realize you were making.
Taehyung's fingers splay at your spine, gently tugging you in until your hips are bumping his. Startled, your eyes snap back to him, breath catching in your chest. He's gazing at you intently, but as opposed to the intense fire that you've seen from him at times, there's only a deep warmth to his brown irises that you're not sure you've ever seen before. He looks at you with softness, with both a sense of familiarity and wonder that can only be attributed to your many years of companionship, and you see it all swimming behind his eyesâevery day spent together seeking refuge from your families, every stupid childhood fight, every time you comforted each other through the bad days. And before you can deflect, can explain away the question as a rhetorical slip of the tongue, you hear his answer come out on a breath.
"Yes."
Thereâs a weight to it, the word landing from his lips like a stone into water, and you suddenly forget where you are. The world around you fades away: faces, music, and noise all receding into the background until itâs just him and you, you and him.
Just like itâs always been.
Taehyung's head dips towards you as if pulled by gravity, and your body responds in turn, hand sliding from his shoulder to the hair at the nape of his neck and eyes fluttering shut. Your breaths mingle together, his nose lightly brushing against yours, and you find yourself on the brink of keening forward, on the brink of diving headfirst into a place of no return, whenâ
"Hey, we're going to step outside for some air. Do you guys wannaâoh."
You spring apart. Jimin is staring at the two of you, eyes so wide you're worried they might fall out of his head. His hand is still half-raised, pointing in the direction of the doors behind him, and you use this to make your escape.
"Yeah sounds good I'll come outside definitely," you babble before speeding towards the exit. Glancing back over your shoulder, you see Jimin say something animatedly to Taehyung, but the latter shakes his head and mumbles something back, his face pink.
The night air is cool on your skin, and you could not be more grateful for it because what the fuck was that?
Were you really about to kiss your best friend? Or was he going to kiss you? Things had certainly beenâŠdifferent between you two recently, but this surely would have been an awful idea. If something went wrong or there was a misunderstanding, you'd likely never be able to come back from it.
He said he doesn't have feelings for you.
âŠBut do you have feelings for him?
Maybe yes, his smile has always set your heart alight unlike anything else and yes, your brain seems to have been lingering recently on how damn handsome he is and yes, you'd do anything for him at the drop of a hatâfollow him anywhereâbut given your history, of course you would, right? He's your best friend.
And he deserves to be more than a rebound. Because that's what this must beâlingering heartbreak amplified by the emotions of a wedding. You may have even imagined Taehyung leaning towards you, a desperate fantasy of a mind just wanting to be loved.
That's it, you decide. Your brain must have finally snapped into a world of delusion.
You're so caught up in your thoughts that you don't hear Jungkook approach you, practically jumping out of your skin when he places a gentle hand on your arm.
"Y/Nâshitâyou okay?" He looks at you with his big doe eyes wide and apologetic.
"Yeah," you say, as your racing heart begins to calm. "You just startled me."
"Sorry, I tried to call you, but I don't think you heard. We're back over there if you want to join us." He nods his head in the direction of a patio area behind him, and you spot Namjoon, Joshua, and Wonwoo sitting around a table next to an elegant fountain, its ornamental lights illuminating the magnificent swan sitting atop it. Theyâre all laughing and, for some reason, the sight makes your chest tighten.
"Um, maybe in a little bit. I think I might just need a walk right now."
Jungkook studies you, biting ever so slightly into his bottom lip, and you think you see something in the way of understanding behind his eyes (you wonder if it has anything to do with the notable absence of Maya and Mingyu). "Do you want company?"
When you just give him a small smile and shake your head, he nods.
"Okay, wellâŠyou know where to find us." He moves to rejoin the others, but then turns back towards you, taking easy steps on his heels. "And just shout if you need a friend."
You meander around the outside of the hotel, following the stone path that paves its way around the perimeter. There's a certain kind of peace out here. Though the summer is nearing its close, you can still hear crickets chirping in the grass and spot the occasional firefly dangling in the air. You focus on the swishing of the cars out on the main road and try to let the sound clear your mind, but as you settle on a short brick wall overlooking the property's enormous lake, you realize it's no use.
Your eyes drift closed as you sink into the grief once again, let it slowly overtake you like quicksand until your lungs are crushed and burning. But more than anything, youâre simply exhaustedâperpetually drained by the demons which have once again arrived to feast on your psyche.
At this point, you think most of your frustration lies with yourself. Maybe youâre being overdramatic, maybe you should be over it by nowâif only you were stronger, more resilient. Not the miserable pushover you feel youâve turned out to be. Harsh? Yes. Unfair? Perhaps. This does feel like the breaking point in your lifeâs long line of abandonments, digging up feelings you havenât felt since you were a child.
But that being said, it also makes you feel like you should be used to it by now. Should be used to having to bounce backâwhat else can you expect from the world at this point, really? What a fool you were to even think that this time would be different.
The sound of quiet footsteps has you opening your eyes again, and youâre not sure whether the man in front of you is the first or last person you want to see right now.
Taehyung has his hands in his pockets, watching you with that calculated expression he always has on when heâs trying to gauge your mood. But all you can see in his face on your end is concern, not a hint of awkwardness or trepidation after what just transpired between the two of you in the ballroom.
So it really must have been all in your head.
âAre you okay?â he asks. âKook said you seemed upset.â
âIâm fine.â You try to push out a smile, but he unsurprisingly sees right through it, closing the gap between you and gesturing at the spot to your right.
âMind if I sit?â
Youâre still not entirely in the mood for company but you canât bring yourself to say no to him, so you give the tiniest of nods and Taehyung settles on the wall next to you.
The two of you sit in silence for a bit, the buzz of the surrounding trees continuing its serenade. Taehyung doesnât push, doesnât say anything, only provides a steady presence. On particularly bad days when you were kids, youâd both wander down to the local playground and sit on the swings for a while. Sometimes youâd talkâeither to rant and let it all out or make each other laugh to distract yourselvesâbut most nights, youâd just sit in the quiet and enjoy the feeling of not being alone.
It feels like that now, with Taehyungâs warmth radiating at your shoulder and the stars hanging above, but tonight, youâre compelled to speak.
âIâm really pathetic, huh?â
Taehyungâs eyes flash as he looks over at you, but he doesnât interrupt, sensing you want to say more.
âIâm at my friendsâ wedding, Iâm supposed to be celebrating them and their love for each other, and instead Iâm out here having a pity party.â You scoff. âItâs pathetic and selfish.â
âFirst of all, we are out here having a pity party,â Taehyung begins, and it draws a sudden laugh from you that you think sounds halfway deranged, but he only smiles.
"Secondly, you're not pathetic, and you're not selfish. You just went through a traumatic event, you know? You're allowed to have emotions."
"I know, but I just don'tâŠwant to," you sigh. "I just want it all to stop. I'm so tired of feeling weighed down especially on a day like this, but it's like it just doesn't end. The reminders don't end."
"You thought he'd be here," Taehyung says softly, and though his head nods slightly in understanding, his voice is tinged with sadness. "You miss him."
"Iâthat's not exactly it, no," you quickly say, not wanting him to think that you somehow regret being here with him. "Given what he didâŠlike youâve said, it's not forgivable, so it's not like I wish he was here. I mean, sure, are there some days where I reflexively think about him and stuff? Of courseâwe were together for four yearsâbut IâŠstill would prefer to never see him again."
Taehyung lets out a short sigh that you interpret as approval, but he stays quiet, giving you time to work out your thoughts.
"I think it's more the loss of security than anything. Seeing Hoseok and Sunny up at the alterâŠI couldn't help thinking that I was so, so close to thatâto having that one person that I could commit to walking through life with. A partner, a friend, just someone to have day-in and day-out. Forever." You choke up, a fresh wave of tears lodging in your throat that you try to keep down. Taehyung is stiff next to you, staring down at his hands in his lap.
"And I want that, Tae. I want that so bad. But it'sâŠso scary to start from scratch after feeling that close. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm just constantly overwhelmed and feel like I can't outrun it, and then I feel guilty on days like this because I shouldn't be letting it get to me, andâ"
"Hey, hey, Y/N, shhhh." Taehyung finally jumps in as you begin to spiral, reaching out to take your hand in his. "You don't have to worry or feel guilty because you are going to have all of that. Okay? You will."
"You can't know that."
"I do." He slips his pinky around yours briefly before his hand comes up to cup your jaw, guiding your eyes to his. "I promise you. I don't know how far out it'll be, but one day we'll all be together again at a place like this, and it'll be your turn." He gets a faraway look in his eye, seemingly perceiving something that you're struggling to even grab a glimpse of right now. "It'll be everything you've ever dreamed ofâintimate and outdoors, right? I know you always said growing up that you were going to get married at the Spring Day Gardens. If you still want it, it'll be yours."
You let his words draw you in, painting you a picture so beautiful you're afraid to even let your heart believe in it. But his baritone voice presses on.
"And it'll be perfect. Not a cloud in the skyânothing but sunshine. And we'll all be there, and you'll have your favorite lily bouquet and your perfect dressâŠ"
Something stops him, and he blinks at you, dropping his palm from your face and glancing away at the lights from the party before resuming his tale.
"And the guyâŠ" He licks his lips, and you feel the hand that's still holding yours tighten ever so slightly. "He's going to love you so much. Properly love you. He's going to see you come down that aisle and weep because he's just going to know that he's the luckiest guy in the universe. And if he doesn't cry right away, I'll kick him in the shins up there until he does because in spite of what Jimin and Jungkook think, we all know that I'm actually your best man."
You let out a watery giggle, the tears flowing freely now, and Taehyung reaches up to swipe a few off your cheeks, letting out a chuckle of his own.
"I want to believe you," you say quietly. "And hopefully one day I will. I justâŠI need more time."
"Whatever you need, you know I'm here for you," he murmurs, and you nod.
You fall back into silence for a few moments, Taehyung dutifully continuing to hold your hand while you lightly sniffle and wipe at your cheeks.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to go back to the party like thisâI think you ruined my make-up," you joke, trying to lighten the mood.
"Maybe, but you're the prettiest raccoon I've ever seen."
You laugh in earnest now, your shoulders shaking with it, and Taehyung smiles at you before suddenly rising to his feet.
"Wait here," he says, and then he's jogging back up towards the venue.
The silence envelops you again as you continue to mull over Taehyung's vision. Your battered heart is hesitant to dream, all of your imaginings coming in with fuzzy edges and blurry details that you just can't seem to place. But you're sure Taehyung was definitely right about one thingâyou can't imagine a situation where you get married without him standing by your side.
It's a handful of minutes later when the man himself finally reappears with a hand behind his back and a mischievous smile on his face. When you raise your eyebrows at him in question, he comes to a halt in front of you and presents a full fifth of your favorite whiskey.
"What do you say we get out of here?"
The dim hotel lights cast a soft glow about the room as you and Taehyung pass the bottle back and forth, the mood significantly more casual than the extravagant party you just ditched. The decor may be fancyâHoseok and Sunny certainly didnât skimp when it came to locationâbut the two of you are perfectly rumpled, stretched out on the expensive sheets: you having removed your make-up and changed into your pajamas and Taehyung propped up against the headboard with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his jacket and tie tossed over the couch.
Youâve started up a game of Truth or Drink, a somewhat milder version of Truth or Dare, where you get to take turns asking each other questions, and the respondent has the chance to either answer the question or take a mouthful of whiskey. Normally, between you and Taehyung, such a game would be low stakes, with your shared years and few secrets between you making it hard to ask challenging questions. But something about tonight and the need for a distraction seems to have made both of you competitive, going for questions that you know the other wouldnât want to answer.
âWhat was the last thing you cried about?â
âOne thing you donât like about me?â
âFavorite position?â
âDid you really lose your virginity in a tree house?â
âWhatâs your greatest fear?â
"If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?"
"Oh God, one of those cupcakes from Sweet Night Bakery," you groan. It was a place you had passed every day on the way to school, the wafting scents of cookies and cakes playing pied piper to your youthful noses. You had always dreamed of one day being able to afford the expensive pastries but had fled your hometown before having the adult money to do so.
"Seriously? Anything in the world and you want a cupcake?" Taehyung laughs, pink tongue poking out from behind his teeth.
"It's not just anything, it's one of my life's dreams," you counter, playfully shaking a fist at him for emphasis, but Taehyung seems unconvinced. "Fine then, if you have such a good answer. Same question."
He tilts his head at you, a mild haze in his eyes that tells you that while he's not drunk-drunk, he's definitely tipsy. A beat passes and he takes a drink.
"Ooh, mysterious," you slur. "But I win."
"Alright, alright." He grins at you. "I concede to your sugary dreams."
You mirror his smile, observe the way his fingers curl in his lap as you try to think of your next question. Heâs always had nice handsâso delicate and careful with everything he touches. Itâs odd, you think, how such gentleness could emerge from a home and upbringing that was anything but. How someone as bright as Taehyung could come from such darkness.
âDo you want kids one day?â
The question takes him by surprise when you ask it, and he physically startles, turning the bottle in his hands slowly. âI donât know. Why?â He looks at you then, and you feel like you can see a riddle being worked out in his head. âWhere did that question come from?â
âI donât know,â you echo. âYou spent so much time earlier imagining a future for me. I realized that weâve never really talked about what you want for yourself outside of your career.â
Growing up, youâd discussed your dreams for the future, of course. But while you have always skewed towards the romantic, envisioning rings and weddings and vows, Taehyungâs always been much more practical and career-orientedâhis plans always involved degrees and promotions and retirement funds.
A beat passes as he continues to fidget with the whiskey bottle before he again says, âIâm really not sure.â
âWell think about it now,â you challenge. âOr drink up.â
He chuckles to himself, some private joke in his head. âIt would terrify me, I think. But Iâd love them with everything Iâve got. Want to give them everything I didnât have and be better than my parents were.â
You hum in agreement; youâve had the same thoughts on occasion. Some who grew up in your situation may have been turned off the idea of childrenâand the idea does scare you in certain respectsâbut youâve always been stubborn. âItâd be a chance to prove that it doesnât have to be that hard. That you didnât deserve what you went through.â
Fingers graze against yours in a subtle show of kinship. As always, you understand each other. âExactly.â
And he may be struggling to imagine it, but you can see it so clearly: a small boy with big, brown eyes and a boxy smile riding on Taehyungâs shoulders. The two of them playing in the sand at the beach house or walking down the street togetherâthe boyâs tiny hand tucked safely in his fatherâs.
The image chokes you up, fills you with so much warmth you think you might burst.
âYouâd be an amazing father, Tae.â
Thereâs not a single doubt in your mind about itâthat this incredible, thoughtful, selfless man would also be a wonderful dad. He doesnât look so sure, but a flicker of recognition passes through him.
âYouâve said that to me once before,â he murmurs.
âI did?â
A nod. âOne time when you were drunk junior year.â
You donât remember it, the memory lost to the alcohol. âI guess drunk me has flashes of brilliance.â
âMaybe weâll see someday.â
âI hope we will.â
Suddenly nervous, he swallows, Adamâs apple bobbing in the long column of his neck. âBut itâd have to be with the right person.â
âHas there ever been anyone who you thought was close?â
He raises an eyebrow at you. âYouâre asking a disproportionate amount of questions.â
Reaching over, you pull the bottle from his hands, drink down a mouthful of burning liquor, and set it right back in his lap. âAnswer.â
Wide eyes appraise you through the dim light; he looks almost impressed. âNo.â
âNo, thereâs never been someone you could see a future with, or no, you wonât answer?â
âThe first one,â he says. âIâve never been with someone I could imagine having kids with.â
You frown, the blunt despondence in his tone cutting. âNot even Luna?â
A look is thrown your wayâpursed lips and creased brow telling you thatâs a stupid question.
âWhat happened with her?â
He scoffs, lips immediately wrapping around the bottle as he takes a gulp.
âSo something did happen.â
âWe broke up,â he states. âThatâs what happened.â
âYeah, but youâve never said why.â
He shrugs as if itâs no big deal. As if youâve just asked him what he wants for dinner and not why the longest relationship of his life ended. âWe werenât compatible.â
You canât help but sigh, a small part of you hurt that he still refuses to talk about it, that heâs closed this part of himself off to you. âYou donât trust me?â
âY/N, no.â He shakes his head, looking genuinely remorseful to have given you that impression. âThatâs not it. Itâs justâŠimpossibly complicatedââ
âWas it me?â Youâre suddenly reminded of a conversation with Maya from weeks ago, when sheâd suggested that you were the reason all of Taehyungâs relationships had failed.
His lips part, tongue pushing into his cheek like heâs trying to hold words back.
âIt was, wasnât it?â you push, and his teeth dig into his tongue now, chewing. âYou can tell me. I can handle iââ
âYou were part of it, yes.â
In spite of what youâve just said, the words land like a blow. Youâve spent years watching him go through breakup after breakup, and now you find out that you were a source of that anguish all alongâhelped fuel that heartbreak in his life.
It pains you to think youâve been holding him back.
âWhy didnât you tell me before?â you whisper.
âBecause there was nothing to tell. It didnât matter.â
âIt does matter, Tae. If Iâm getting in the way of your relationshipsâŠI want you to be happy.â
âYou make me happy.â
That silences you, the sincerity in his voice leaving you blinking at him, and he continues.
âShe didnât like how close we areâmost of them havenât. But it doesnât matter because at the end of the day, Iâll always choose you. And thatâs the end of it. Nothing left to tell.â
You feel like you should protest this, insist on him putting himself and his future first.
But given similar circumstances, wouldnât you do the same for him?
âDid Jace ever give you shit about us?â he asks, reading your mind.
He had, ranting about Taehyung that night in some fucked up attempt to explain away why youâd found him in bed with another woman. Before then, you hadnât noticed the signs: hadnât picked up on his reluctance to spend time with your friends, hadnât read into the way he stuck close to your side on the rare occasions he did, a possessive arm always tight around your waist.
It all made sense afterwards, and you hate that the vulnerability and anguish of the moment made you question your own actions. You never wouldâve shut Taehyung outânever in a million yearsâbut it initially made you think that maybe if youâd been more attentive towards Jace, had been more sensitive to his feelings, that maybe you wouldnât have wound up in the situation you did.
You recognize now that he didnât deserve it in the end, obviously, but heartbreak is a funny thing.
Not wanting to have to admit to any of that out loud, you whisk the bottle from Taehyungâs hands again and drink. He watches the movement of your throat with heavy, knowing eyes, immediately taking the whiskey back for his own sip once youâve finished.
âI must admit,â he says, the alcohol clearly loosening his tongue as he sags against the headboard. âIâm a little relieved about things ending for you and Jace. Aside from him being a certified douchebag, I mean.â
You frown, not sure where heâs going with this, and the look on your face must come across as offense because heâs quick to clarify.
âNot that I liked seeing you hurt.â He shakes his head, and you can see some anger at the situation still lingering under the surface. âNo, never. But I justâŠnow I get to keep you longer at least.â
âKeep me?â
âYeah, thisâŠâ He wags a finger between you. âYou know this has to end one day, right?â
The whiskey should be warming, but your veins fill with ice at his words. Losing Jace was one thing. Losing Taehyung would be a different matter entirely.
âYouâre always going to have me,â you say, reaching for his pinky.
But he pulls his hand away.
âNot like this.â He smiles with what you assume to be intended comfort, but his entire demeanor is tainted with sadness. âOne day, when you have the dream guy and the family and the white picket fence, there wonât be room for me. Not like this.â
It feels like earlierâhim trying to paint you a picture of a possible future for youâbut unlike earlier, you canât picture this future. You donât want it. Not if heâs not there.
âTaeââ
âItâs okay, Y/N.â He gives another sad smile, takes another drink. âNo husband is going to want a third wheel hanging around. I understand. I want you to be happy, too.â
But you wouldnât be happy without him, and in many ways, youâve always known that to be true. But that knowledge hits you now with such force, such raw truth, that it renders you speechless and leaves you staring at him, drunken eyes laser-focused as if discovering the very center of the universe.
You want to challenge him on his statement, make him see that heâs wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. But the alcohol muddles your thoughts, has your brain dropping half-formed sentences through your mind like Scrabble pieces that you canât quite wrangle into a coherent thought.
Taehyung takes your silence for agreement and, seeming to suddenly realize that some kind of line has just been crossed, takes the quiet opportunity to flip the conversation back to your game.
âThe shoes you gave me for my seventeenth birthday,â he begins, the words tipping out slow and oddly calculated for someone whoâs had as much to drink as he has. âWhere did the money come from?â
You know where heâs going with this. And itâs perhaps the only secret youâve kept from him in the entirety of your friendship. âChristmas money, I told you.â
âNo, really.â
âWhy donât you believe me?â
âI never saw that house decorated for Christmas even once.â
âCouldâve been from an aunt or uncle.â
âBut it wasnât, was it?â
It wasnât. You snuck the money out of your fatherâs desk one day knowing that he wouldnât have even noticed it was missing. Absent-minded in everything aside from work, your father had misplaced things constantly. You drink. And even though itâs supposed to be an avoidance of the question, it gives him his answer.
âI knew it.â
âThey werenât going to miss it, and you needed it more.â
âYou couldâve gotten in so much trouble.â
âI knew I wouldnât. I didnât. And it was worth the risk regardless.â
Looking back, you wish youâd had more of a fear of getting caughtâwish your parents wouldâve scolded you, screamed at you, anything. It wouldâve been better than the indifference youâd been met with day in and day out. As if you were invisible.
Taehyungâs head swings from side-to-side. âYou shouldnât have. I wouldâve been okay.â
âAnd you shouldnât have punched Jace in that club, but you did anyway, didnât you?â
âThatâs different.â
âItâs not. Youâre not the only one who gets to put your ass on the line for the people you care about. You were worth the risk.â
He blinks, regarding you as if youâve presented him with some outlandish concept. Like youâve asked him to explain rocket science or open-heart surgery. âThen you shouldâve told me then.â
âYou wouldâve given them back.â
âMaybe, but then at least we wouldâve been in it together instead of you lying to me.â
âAnd youâve never lied to me?â
He hesitates, tongue tracing his bottom lip. âNo.â
âOkay, then. Truth or drink: whatâs the worst lie youâve ever told?â
You know there must be one, can read it in the way his shoulder is suddenly pressed against yours as he tilts into you. Fingertips skim the bare skin of your knee, tentative in their movements, and you can smell the alcohol on his breath as the distance between you closes to mere centimeters, his gaze roaming your face and snagging on your mouth.
And you feel itâthe pull that youâve always felt towards him, the gravitational force thatâs kept you in the same orbit since you were children. Two souls that intertwined the moment they sensed the otherâs presence with a flash of awareness and said, You, you, you.
Thinking back on the entirety of your life, you donât know how you possibly could have made it through without him: your best friend, your partner, your sanctuary. In such a volatile worldâa turbulent youth marred by uncertainty and sorrowâhe took your hand and held you steady, made sure you didnât go through it alone.
In hindsight, you canât truly regret it. Yes, there will always be a part of you that will resent your parents, wish that they would have loved you enough to spare you the hurt and stress they put you through. But just like the night when he brought you back to your apartmentâheld you close as you fell asleep in his embraceâyour memories with him far outweigh the trauma you endured. When you think of your time spent growing up, he is by far the brightest star, outshining any darkness that may have lingered at the corners. Itâs not the empty house or your parentsâ stony faces that you think of first, but him: blanket forts and starry nights and walks in the park and blurry photographs and sometimes tears, sure, but only with him there to hold you.
Looking at this man in front of you, in every familiar line of his face and body, you know, without a crumb of doubt, that youâd do it all again. Screw Jace and Luna and your parents and anyone else whoâs expressed disdain at your closeness with him. Heâs written into every line of your history, every memory thatâs worth something. And he may fight you on it, but heâs worth every risk youâve ever takenâyou wouldâve stolen a thousand pairs of shoes for him. Youâd move mountains and drain the oceans if he needed you to. Youâd do anything.
You couldnât live without him. You donât want to live without him.
A moment of clarity, a wave of revelation as you lock eyes and are met with your favorite color. And at long last, you find the words.
I love you.
Your heart throws itself off a cliffâŠ
And you lean in to press your lips to his.
NEXT
a/n: happy holidays to all who celebrate đ
#taehyung x reader#taehyung x you#taehyung fluff#taehyung angst#bts x reader#bts x you#bts imagines#taehyung imagines#taehyung fic#taehyung fanfic#bts fluff#bts angst#taehyung#bts fic#bts fanfic
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my dear! I'm your fan, I love your writing. Thank you for taking us out of our reality and allowing us to enter a world of our own! Could I make a request for a crazy idea I had? An anguished Y/N and Chan fight and he tells her to leave and leave him alone. When Y/N leaves in a daze he doesn't see the car and is run over. In the end I trust you. =) If it doesn't bother you and you can fulfill my request, I would be very happy!
hey! thank you so much that means so much to me :(( this is my first ever request so i'm excited but also super nervous đđI hope it came out okay!! here ya go <3
warnings!: angst, mentions of anxiety, blood, swearing, arguing, chris is kind of mean, reader gets run over by a car
word count: 2,311
you're bleeding.
you're sitting on the bar stool in your kitchen, knee bouncing absently, nails cutting into your cuticles, blood dripping down your thumb. there's a commotion outside. a loud one, and when you peeked through your window earlier, you saw two of your neighbors arguing loudly.
then you saw chan's car pull up through the window and you pulled the curtain shut abruptly. he should be coming in any minute now. and then you'll tell him what you know. what you know about him and what he'd been doing under the guise of "working."
you will. this time, you will.
when he steps through the door, he doesn't even look at you. just kicks off his shoes, and slides into his home slippers.
his evident fatigue almost softens your resolve. he's exhausted. maybe this could wait till the morning... you begin to think, before you shake yourself out of it. no. no this can't wait. not anymore.
You clear your throat, the sound echoing through the quiet kitchen. chan pauses, finally acknowledging your presence with a faint tilt of his head.
"hey," you start. pause. clear your throat again. "We need to talk."
he glances at you, looking mildly annoyed.. "can it wait? I'm beat."
"it can't." the words surge from your lips before you can chicken out and stop them.
he sighs, turning around to full face you, leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. "fine. what is it, then? what do you have to say that's so important that it couldn't wait till the morning?"
his demeaning tone is almost enough to get you to change your mind. but you don't.
"do you realize how late it is?"
"yes." his tone is curt.
"okay," you take a breath. count to three. "okay. so you do realize it."
"that's what I said," he says mockingly, sagging against the wall.
you straighten your back, determined not to let his dismissive attitude deter you. "and do you have any explanation for why you're four hours later than you said you would be?"
chan's eyes narrow, a flicker of annoyance passing over his features. "work ran late, okay? it happens."
"it happens," you repeat. "except it always seems to happen to you. only you. and not the other members."
"the other members aren't responsible for keeping deadlines, y/n." he says through hissed teeth, his back straightening with tension. "i'm leader. it falls on me. i thought you knew that."
you can feel the tension crackling in the air, the weight of unspoken truths hanging heavy between you. you know this conversation could change everything, but you're resolved to see it through.
"I know you're the leader, chan," you reply, your voice steady despite the nerves fluttering in your stomach. "but that doesn't mean you have to shoulder everything alone. we're a team, remember?" with your words, youre begging him to take the excuse youre practically throwing at him. but he doesn't. he just scoffs.
"except we're not a team," he says. "youre not with me in the studio, because you know nothing about it."
"chan, that's not fair," you retort, the frustration bubbling up within you. "just because I'm not physically there doesn't mean I'm not supporting you in every other way I can."
"supporting me? is that what you call it? sitting at home, waiting for me to come back at ungodly hours? that's not support, y/n, that's called being clingy."
you feel a sting at his words, but you push past it, refusing to let him deflect the conversation.
"I'm not being clingy, Chan. I'm concerned. Concerned about you and your well-being. This isn't just about work running late. It's about the pattern, the secrecy, the distance between us," you say, your voice steady but laced with emotion.
he latches onto one word. "secrecy? what're you talking about?"
the words lodge in your throat. you don't want to say them. you don't want to say them because if you do, the truth you have been trying so hard to deny will etch itself into the walls of your shared apartment. if you do, there will be no going back, no more pretending that you don't know.
the only sound between you is the sound of a siren outside. the sound of your neighbors arguing. his eyes are dark, intense. they don't waver from yours. waiting for you to speak. you don't think you can.
you speak.
"i know about her."
the fact that he doesn't even ask who makes you feel dizzy.
"she's just a producer," he says. "she works with us."
you shut your eyes, disgust coiling in your chest. "please don't insult me, chris."
chan's expression shifts from annoyance to something unreadable, his eyes darting away from yours for a fleeting moment before returning with a hard edge.
"what are you trying to say?" he asks, his voice quieter now, a dangerous calm settling over him.
her heart is beating so fast in her chest, she is almost sure it will leave a permanent indent. "i'm saying that i know that you asked her out a month before you met me. that you were in love with her for years and that she rejected you."
his fingers curl into fists, and he's gone slightly pale. "who told you?"
"god, chris, that's what you care about? who told me? it doesn't fucking matter who told me!"
his silence is deafening. the anger that had unfurled in your chest goes out as quickly as it had come. it is replaced by desperation. it disgusts you how much you love him, how much you are desperate for him to deny what you are insinuating, desperate for him to hold you and kiss away the tears that had made an appearance on your cheeks and tell you that you are wrong. but he doesn't. he doesn't.
you're still bleeding from picking at your thumb and his silence speaks volumes, filling the room with tension thicker than any words could. you watch as emotions flicker across his face like shadows dancing in the dim light of the kitchen. you want to take back everything you said, to erase the truth that now hangs heavy in the air between you.
but you can't. because you said it. and now it's out there, impossible to retrieve.
"what am i to you?" you finally ask, your voice barely a whisper. but he hears you. he always does. "what am i to you that you can stay all night alone in the studio with a girl you used to love for years and then come home and turn on me like i'm the one that's done something wrong?"
chan's eyes flicker with a myriad of emotionsâanger, guilt, frustration. he opens his mouth, then closes it, as if grappling for the right words.
finally he says, "don't do this to me, y/n. not now."
a strangled sound leaves your lips before you can stop it. "to you? to you?"
"yes, to me." he hisses, running a hand through his hair, messing up the curls more than it already was. "you know we have a comeback soon. you know how stressed out i get--"
you interrupt him, unable to bear the weight of his excuses any longer. "don't you dare turn this around on me, bangchan."
he looks at you, eyes hard, but there's panic in them. panic and anguish. "don't call me that. you don't call me that."
"you kissed her!" you shriek suddenly.
he freezes. everything seems to freeze, your fingers and toes are numb. youre still bleeding.
the words hang in the air, heavy and charged with emotion. chan's expression tightens, jaw clenched, eyes darkening with a mix of anger and guilt. he takes a step back, as if physically recoiling from the accusation.
"i..." he starts, but the words catch in his throat. He struggles to find the right response, his mind racing with excuses and denials. but there's no denying the truth in your eyes, in the trembling of your voice. "yeah. i did."
there it is. the blow you've been waiting for all night.
tears threaten to spill over as you struggle to comprehend the magnitude of his confession. every moment you shared with him feels tainted, every word spoken now questioned. you thought you knew him, trusted him, loved him. but now, it feels like you're standing on the precipice of a vast unknown, unsure of where to go from here.
chan's gaze flickers, remorse etched into his features as he takes a hesitant step forward, reaching out a hand as if to console you. but you recoil, the pain too raw, too fresh to bear his touch.
"don't," you whisper, your voice barely above a broken sob. "don't touch me."
"y/n-"
"how could you do this to me?" your voice is broken, sailing of several octaves, shrill, because how could he? "how could you come home and lie to me every single fucking night--"
"y/n, please, just listen-"
"i'm so stupid. so fucking stupid. how could i believe you? all this time i was just a fucking rebound, chris. you never loved me, you--"
"y/n, that's not true. i-i made a mistake, i should have told you, spoken to you. i never should've let it get this far, i should've broken up with you before--"
"you said you loved me." you sob. "you said nothing could come between us, that you would marry me, you said that i was the girl of your dreams--"
"well i woke up!" he screams suddenly, chest heaving. you flinch, back hitting the wall. "i woke up, y/n!"
you stare. you're still crying. still bleeding.
"i woke up and realized i made a mistake," he continues. "i thought i could move on, that i could love you the same way i love her, but i can't. i can't, y/n. i can't and it's killing me." the pain in his voice, his eyes, is raw. "i know that that makes me a fucking cunt but i- i don't know...i'm sorry."
your heart shatters into a million jagged pieces at his words, the pain ripping through you like a violent storm. the truth hits you with a force you hadn't anticipated, leaving you gasping for breath amidst the wreckage of your shattered dreams.
for a moment, the world spins around you, and you struggle to find solid ground. how could everything unravel so swiftly? how could the love you believed in so fervently turn out to be nothing but a cruel illusion?
"i'm sorry," he repeats pathetically. "i do care about you, y/n, i swear--"
"stop," you whisper. "stop lying, chris. enough."
chan's shoulders slump, defeated, as if your words have drained him of all remaining strength. he takes a step back, hands falling limply to his sides.
"i understand if you hate me," he says softly, his voice barely audible over the sound of your own ragged breaths.
hate him? the thought seems foreign, inconceivable, despite the searing pain that courses through every fiber of your being. how could you hate the person who once meant everything to you? the person whose name used to bring a smile to your lips, whose touch once ignited a fire within your soul?
"i'm leaving," you say and you hate the small, desperate, pathetic part of you that hopes he'll stop you. he doesn't.
"okay," he says.
you stumble towards the door, your vision blurred by tears, your heart aching with a pain you never imagined possible. each step feels like an eternity, each breath a struggle to hold back the overwhelming flood of emotions threatening to consume you.
as you reach for the doorknob, your hand trembling, you steal one last glance over your shoulder. chan stands there, his silhouette illuminated by the dim light of the kitchen, his gaze fixed on the floor as if unable to meet your eyes.
for a fleeting moment, you wonder if he'll say something, if he'll beg you to stay, to give him another chance. but the silence stretches on, unbroken, and you realize that there are no words left to say, no apologies that can mend the shattered pieces of your heart.
youre outside before you can even comprehend it. your neighbors are now arguing loudly with the police in the middle, trying to break them up. one of them is struggling to escape into their blue car. it looks violent. it looks like the least of your worries.
the chilly night air hits you like a physical force, causing you to shiver involuntarily as you step out onto the deserted street. the echo of your own footsteps feels like a solemn march, a dirge for the love you thought you had.
you don't know where you're going, only that you need to get away, to escape the suffocating weight of betrayal that hangs heavy in the air around you. your mind is a whirlwind of emotions, each thought a jagged edge that cuts deeper into your wounded heart.
then you hear a car door slam. a loud screech. a shout. your name.
then you are hit by a blue car.
the world spins and there is pain everywhere but you can only focus on the sun that is just now rising. on the red and gold. it's very pretty, you realize. it's very pretty and it might just be the last one you see.
__________
chan swears he loves you. swears it with his whole chest, swears it on the tears that run down his cheeks as he holds your hand, swears it on the sun that is only just rising. swears it until his voice becomes hoarse, raw with his declaration.
he wants to believe that you can hear him. but your laying on the pavement, laying there and bleeding like its the only thing your body knows how to do.
you bleed and bleed and bleed.
#bang chan#straykids#straykids fanfic#chan#chris#angst#bangchan fanfic#bangchan fic#bangchan imagines#bangchan imagine#bang chan angst#bangchan headcanons#straykids angst
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Hey friendo can I make a totally self indulgent request for Morpheus being soft and in love with pre-K teacher reader (Iâm Going Through It and need some soft Morpheus) đ„ș
"TEACHER! HE HAS MARKER IN HIS EYES!"
Dream of the Endless x Preschool Teacher!Reader
Summary: (... no, Tim, that's eyeliner.) In which Dream decides if it is inappropriate to come to you in his human form at work, then he will be will have to do so in another.
Word Count: 1k+
Warnings: Kids lol, gender neutral!reader, touch deprived!dream, kitty meow meow dream (real), fluff, typos, etc.
A/N: BESTIEEEEE OMG YOURE HERE ASKING *ME* FOR SOEMTHING AISHFL:AHSFHASLFHASLFHA OMG LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
dang i started to hate what i wrote (because of tim T_T HAHHAH jk) then thought to start over until my brain woke me up with an idea and now its 12am and im finishing this so i hope you like it baby <3
headcanon: the gif is dream waiting for you to finish with work in the playground nearby the school T_T RIP
Previously on: I'm Dating An Endless Being With No Concept of Personal Space or Boundaries
I let out a shriek when I enter my classroom and find a tall man standing there by my desk, just looking at the entrance, waiting for me.
"DREAM!" I quip under my breath, "are you crazy?! What you doing here?"
The pout on his lips intensifies upon hearing my words.
He was not expecting the reaction he merited. Usually, when he came to school, he was received with eager attention, even by people that he did not want attention from. He vividly recalls adults complimenting him to you and some children shouting things about him at you.
Dream knits his brows, "have I done something to upset you?"
I give him an incredulous look as I cringe at the sound of a child crying from outside. I push past him and get what I came here for the first place, a box of tissues.
I feel Dream watch me as I grab the carton and give him an annoyed expression, "you better not be back here when I return, Dream."
"I didn't mean to sound-"
"You hate me."
"I don't hate you! I was flustered I-"
"You don't love me anymore"
"Dream, baby, that's not true."
"You'd rather be with those kids than me."
"I was at work."
"I would never send you away if I was working."
"I know. But that's also because you're your own boss and-"
"I just wanted to visit..."
"I know! I know, and I'm sorry."
"... I forgive you..."
"Thank you."
"... even though you hurt me..."
"..."
"... and love those kids more than me."
"TEACHER TEACHER!"
I take a moment before turning to the caller, just as the boy screams again, "TEACHERRRR!"
"What is it now, Tim?"
"THERE'S A CAT IN THE CLOSET!"
"A what?!"
I grab Tim before he can even think to touch whatever cat managed its way into our classroom. All the children crowd behind me upon hearing after. With the small child in my arm, and my leg fending off the rest of the kids from going any closer to the closet door.
"Ok, Tim, what exactly did you see in the closet."
"A black cat."
I narrow my eyes and hum, "are you sure it wasn't just a sweater."
Tim shakes head, "it," he meows exaggeratedly, "at me."
I release a huff, "alright, it seems we have a cat to save."
The kids fuss as I put Tim down, and he then bounces excitedly at my words with the rest of his classmates.
I place a finger to my lips as I look between my students, "we don't want to scare the kitty, now do we?"
Immediately, the kids start shushing each other.
I ask the kids to move as I slowly open the door, in case the kitty thinks to lunge or run away. Instead, I am met with wide eyes and a meow that leaves the kids squealing.
There is another chorus of shushes and I bend and slowly outstretch my hand out to the cat.
The sweet thing rubs its black face against me, then its black body, and all at once it's very clear to me.
"Dream?"
Hello, my love.
I slap my hand on my face and fall to my butt when I hear the mental reply.
"Teacher!" Heather calls in concern, "are you ok?"
I turn to her as Dream walks out the closet and nuzzles by my ankles.
"Did the bad kitty bite you?" a distance voice calls.
Dream does not take kindly to the accusation and looks at the direction of the child who spoke.
"No, my dear, Dream did not-"
"Who's dream?" I recognize Luca's soft voice.
"Is that the name of the cat?" one blurts.
"OHEMGEE TEACHER IS THAT YOUR CAT?!"
This sparks a heated debate amongst them.
"Children," I finally have the wits to speak, "settle down and go back to your seats," I get to my feet.
There is a public outcry, and instead, the children surround Dream as he retreats under one of the desks. They try to stroke at him, and I wait for him to react the way cats do when they're disgusted, but he does not.
"Children, please, don't touch the cat."
They obviously do not listen.
"Teacher, your kitty is very shy," Libby comes up to my side and grabs my hand, "my kitty is very naughty."
I smile at her and point, "that kitty is very naughty too."
The sound of Dream meowing (in protest) makes the entire class burst into a fit of giggles.
I huff as I bend back and beckon my naughty lover, "come here, pretty boy."
Dream does not waste time and dashes over to me, practically leaping into my arms. He purrs when he is against me, and nuzzles his face in the crook of my neck.
The class lets out a chorus of awws.
"TEACHER CAN I PET YOUR KITTY!"
"I WANT TO PET THE KITTY TOO"
"What's the cat's name again?"
"I don't remember."
"I WANT TO NAME THE CAT OREO!"
"GERALD!"
"Children, please," I interrupt for the nth time, "we have to bring the cat outside."
There is a public outcry.
The clamoring children cry out in protest and I eye the cat dirtily as he continues to snuggle against me. I release a huff and raise Dream in my hand, a la Lion King.
This surely stops the children. They look up at the dangling paws of Dream with wonder.
"Right," I say, "I reckon one cuddle each, then he's going out the window."
"I understand why you like being with those children now."
"Again, I was doing my job."
"Yes. A noble job, with many benefits."
"..."
"They were all surprisingly gentle."
"..."
"I am excited to see them ag-"
"You do know if you cause another frenzy in my class again, I'm locking you up in a cage and sending you to a shelter."
"..."
"..."
"... perhaps then instead of a cat, I-"
"DREAM I SWEAR-"
#dream of the endless#dream of the endless fanfic#dream of the endless fluff#the sandman fanfic#the sandman fluff#the sandman x reader#dream of the endless smut#morpheus fluff#the sandman x you#dream x you#dream fanfic#dream of the endless x reader#dream of the endless x you#morpheus x reader#morpheus x you#cat!dream
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Ok I have an outline for a swap au/curt falls au
I've had this SaF au rotating in my head for a hot minute and I got some details down and I want to write it all down somewhere so here! Fair warning: itâs pretty underdeveloped but as I get suggestions and stuff I hope to develop it more:-)
Quick thanks to @randeeznuts for letting me yell at him about this in Discord <3
Its a Curt Falls au where, of course, Curt is the one to fall instead of Owen. It's still Curt's banana peel, however.
After the incident, Owen retires. Mourning the fact that he and Curt never got to run off together. Instead he picks up what little he has left of that fantasy and tries to pull it together.
A tiny cottage on a lake, a hairless cat named Penelope, a vegetable garden... You get the idea.
And all things considered, he could be doing so much worse. Penelope is spoiled rotten and the vegetable garden looks gorgeous no matter the time of year. Ignore the thousands of abandoned hobbies scattered across the coffee table and carpet. Ignore how he hasn't cut his hair since he chopped most of it off in some grief-driven rage 3 years ago. Ignore how his back porch reeks of cigarettes as his smoking habit has gotten so much worse. Ignore the fact that all he can think about some days is how efficient the little pronged rake in his hand is just as efficient at tearing up weeds as it is tearing through flesh.
Admittedly, I'm not 1000% sure how or why he decides to go back into the field for this one mission. My best guess is Cynthia finds his ass and is like "Hey bestie, I need a huge favor." I will expand on that later, I swear.
I imagine the main plot points of the show continue. You got Tatiana, the casino, etc. etc. etc. (once again I will expand on specific changes later) I also imagine most of the comedy with Owen comes from him being the sort of straight-man (haha) in most situations.
Being able to bounce off of whatever insane event is happening around him with utter seriousness and sarcasm. Because he just wants to get through this and get back to his cat. (the cat-sitter doesn't even know her favorite food! Much less her routine oh how will she live happily???).
He also never clarifies to anyone if Penelope is an animal or human so people are just consistently arguing about if he's talking about a child or a cat. Tatiana and DMA keep interrupting BVN's speech to debate this. Tatiana claims that its clearly a child, that Owen's eyebags and stubble indicate a stressed-out single father while DMA firmly thinks she is a cat for reasons he will not explain.
SPEAKING OF DMA :-)
I think the guy needs no further introduction. There's still a lot of gaps in development, specifically centered on why Curt would ever join Chimera. I very firmly believe that they didn't torture Owen. But given how loyal and stubborn Curt is, I don't think they'd be exactly gentle while trying to persuade him. This might change later on, who knows.
Curt's version of the DMA is so interesting to me because I think he'd be a lot more reactive than the Owen DMA if that makes sense? Like very quick to explode with anger. Like he acts all smug while insisting Penelope is, in fact, a cat and not a human child. But as soon as he's asked why he thinks this, he fires back with a "Because I can just tell, okay?!?!??!" and then awkwardly trying to redirect the conversation.
I also think Curt's DMA accent would be along the lines of New Jersey or Boston. Mainly because it's an accent he can mimic SUPER well (thanks Ms Mega!). I've always had the headcanon that Curt is really good with languages and accents which sort of contributes to this.
In terms of physical appearance I don't imagine this DMA to look like Joe Walker. But I don't really have a solid grasp on what he does look like. However, I really like the idea of him wearing these black goggles on his head that he finally puts over his eyes during the torture tango.
Just imagine the light of electricity getting reflected in these bad boys during the torture tango. While Curt's got this massive grin that, in any other context, would come off as friendly and dorky (if not a little bit smug). Scary!
Also, because it's Curt, I imagine he fidgets a lot. Maybe in the background of scenes where he's not doing things he'd be practicing tricks with a butterfly knife or cracking his joints.
Ok back to plot stuff.
I like to think Owen figures out the identity of the DMA at some point shortly before the reveal. There's a clear moment where the clues click together (Like those jigsaw puzzles sitting abandoned on his coffee table). But Owen sort of shrugs it off just out of sheer denial. He knows its true, but it's not until the reveal where he's forced to confront it.
I know realistically this would end in only one of them walking out of the staircase scene alive (I couldn't even tell you which one). But my heart really wants for there to be a happy ending. Like most of this, I'll figure it out eventually.
#spies are forever#docktor's note#owen carvour#agent curt mega#swap au#<- i need a better name for this au#I will edit this will better tags as this develops#long post#saf swap au
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Love your Wind as a humming bird comic. Any ideas for what the others would change into?? (I think Time as a kitten or something adorable would be funny)
Thank you! Wind as a hummingbird is such a wonderful idea and I have to thank and give credit to @/winkwonkblog for the prompt! I didn't really do Wind as a hummingbird justice when it came to like, drawing him well, but I had fun playing with the idea of it.
As for dark world forms! The fandom's done a great job exploring this and I really like a lot of (at least what I think are?) the more common takes! My preferences have been influenced by all the pieces of fanart, fic, and discussion I've seen - so many pieces that are tried, true, and tested! - so I don't have much to add! I like what the fandom's come up with and enjoy seeing new interpretations. It's a great big collaboration with a bunch of coexisting ideas and I love that.
These are going to be familiar lol (and I'll include some recs too, as one does!)
Time - I agree that Time being a cat or something cute and fuzzy would be funny because it would clash so much with how he's presented in the comic! Let him be something soft and unassuming so he can use it to his advantage for shenanigans! Like Legend though, I think he'd dislike being so fragile. He needs claws or something. To be honest, the hero of time being a golden wolf has never really felt right to me. I see general oot/mm Link as more of an an owl or fox. However, his characterization in LU makes it fit and I appreciate that. It's gotten me to come around to it some.
Twi - Wolfie, yeah
Wild - coyote or deer
Sky - Remlit, goose, or dove
(Failure and Fortitude by sister_dear and this art by luwyv, and Untitled Goose Fic by theScrap_Witch)
Warriors - Wars as a weasel or ferret! Something with very nice and pretty fur and very sharp teeth. The thought of Legend holding him up and slinkying him around is amusing. (it's much-too-late'o'clock for me so I get to make up words)
Legend - Rabbit (read this if you haven't !!!-> Not half Pawd by SongMina, as well as Tiny Adventures by Lightning of Farosh)
Four - Hummingbird, mouse, or cat
(All of @/chrispy-chimkin's LU Wing AU! Just look at Four!!! Look at him!!! <3 <;3 <3 See also Feline Fatale by Seeking7 and Usagisama68)
Wind - Seagull!
(Again, Chris' wing au, but also @/layraket's creatures gang, and A Pear and a Portal by glowingjellyfishtreelights)
Hyrule - I'm not really sure! My joke answer is an okapi. Maybe a badger! idk! he's a dragonfly-winged fairy idk about an animal form for him. A coyote or gray fox, a brown-colored medium sized bird, something like that. Sorry I don't have the most inspired answers haha. I imagine Hyrule's Hyrule (in Zelda 1) as california chaparral so I think he'd be some kind of creature that lives there. I can tell you what kind of tree he'd be!!! Hyrule would be a ribbonwood tree (aka redshanks)! Ribbonwood bounces back quickly after wildfires, with the leaves sprouting again even after being all burned off. The bark that falls away from the tree comes off in strips or "ribbons" that are soft but scratchy and brittle when dried out. that give the tree a kind of whipsy appearance. It's wild and wiggly (I'm all out of adjectives at the moment) and very much a part of the landscape, a piece that ties it all together. The smooth bark underneath is a deep red and cool to the touch. The earthy red and vivid yellowing-green color is suiting. If you cup the leaves in your hands and breathe on them they release a soft rain-like smell. I'm just really passionate about Hyrule and this tree and ecosystem ahsfdhas do you see the low shrubs and parched dirt and the scrambling rocks and the mountains!!! the dry and hot and high altitude and dense shrubbery impassable to find hidden paths through! so much green no stranger to fire!!!!
#in which Ray loses it over trees#I love ribbonwoods and madrones and manzanita and redwoods AAAAAAAAA#I need to sleep asjhgfsdf#thank you for the ask!#linked universe#ray responds
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Happy Tears - Just Us Chapter 10
Warnings: None
Word Count: 1616
Series List | Chapter 9 | Chapter 11
================================
Y/n: I'm outside. Parked right outside.
Wanda: Coming down, just locking up.
I climb out of the car shutting my door behind me, this was my all time favourite car. I brought it in one of the worst conditions and have spent the past 3 years getting it to this point, it's one of the things I'm most proud of. I make my way to the passenger side, feet planted on the sidewalk as I gently lean against the side of the car, waiting for Wanda to leave the apartment complex: a small smile on my face at the thought of seeing her.
That smile grows as I see her bounce down the steps, a matching smile on her face as she comes down to join me at the car. Wanda leans against my front, pushing me into the car a little, for stability, and wraps her arms around my waist pulling herself closer to me -if that's even possible. I look down at her as she looks up at me, pulling back from me slightly, her hands resting on my chest now as she fiddles with the edge of my overcoat that's hanging over my shoulders. I see her eyes searching mine, then flick down to my lips, I move my hand to poke my lips showing her she can kiss me. So she does. She bounces on her tiptoes trying to match my height as best as she can, giving me a gentle peck on my lips. As she pulls back I pull her face back to mine, my hands on her cheeks, as I peck her lips a few more times causing her to giggle. Ah, that laugh is amazing! I would die happy if that's the last thing I would hear.
"Hi." She says keeping the atmosphere calm.Â
"Hi." I match her tone. "Ready to go?"
"Mhmm. Nice car, I like the color." Wanda moves away from me as her hand travels across the bonnet of the car, following the frame of the car all the way to the back as she admires it. "What year is it? I would say around the late 1960s."Â
Oh so she knows about cars, or at least this car.Â
"Well your guess for this car was better than the guess for my age." She smacks me gently in retaliation. "But, you're right. 1967. Brought her from scrapes, built it up to what it is myself."
"You fixed it up yourself? Is there anything you can't do?"Â Wanda playfully smiles, wiggling here eyebrows up and down a few times.
"I did indeed. And no, I'm just that good at everything." I give her a wink, a small blush growing on her face. "Now, where are we off to Miss Maximoff."Â
"I don't know how I feel about you calling me, that it makes me feel like your older neighbour or some kind of teacher." I laugh at her reasoning as I open the passenger door holding her hand as she shuffles into her seat. "Thank you."Â
"Of course." I make my way back around to the drivers side, clambering in as I set my phone up in the holder opening up waze. "So where am I driving us too?"Â
"It's called the Second Asgard. Nice little cafĂ© owned by some chaotic brothersâŠ"
"Thor and Loki. I know of the place, they are family friends actually." She turns to me, a little shock evident on her face.
"And you said and I quote. I don't have friends. Liar." I laugh out loud as she pouts a little.Â
"Aww, is that baby upset that I have the same friends as her?" I hear her scoff lightly getting another smack to the shoulder. "Oh the baby likes to hit."Â
"Well I don't know. I just thought it would be nice to take you somewhere I love going, it's special to me." I now turn to her, grabbing her hand and giving the back of it a small kiss.
"Well I personally love that idea. So let's get going, it will be nice to see the brothers again. It has been way too long since I have seen them. So, princess, ready to get going."
"I am." She smiles brightly now over her little moment, which in all honesty was very cute and very childish.
I turn the car on, coming to life with the most beautiful sound a car can make. From the corner of my eye I see Wanda wiggle slightly in excitement as her hands reach to the dashboard feeling the vibrations of the car as I pull away. I really didn't think she was a car person, or maybe it's just this particular car. I don't know, but I'm smiling seeing her smiling.
"What are you smiling at?" Her voice is gentle as she pulls one of her legs underneath her bum so she can face me, her shoes on the floor making sure not to mess the seat up.Â
"You." I answer easily.
"Why?" She tilts her head in question.
"You seem to like the car, you have this huge smile on your face to a point where your eyes almost close." As I change gear she rests her hand on top of mine putting her fingers in the gaps between mine and bending hers so the tips rest in my palm.Â
"I really do. My Mama and Papa had one of these cars back in Sokovia. Nowhere near as nice as this, but it was still a beautiful car. I think I have pictures of it somewhere. But they had to sell it when we came to move over here, I was 15 at the time. We couldn't bring it with us and they needed all the money we could get so they sold it for a pretty penny." Her eyes become slightly glassy when retelling the story, so I bring our hands up from the gear shift and plant a kiss on her hands then place them on my thigh.Â
"You okay princess?" I give her a quick look so she knows I am ready to listen before turning back to the road.
"Yeah, just a trip down memory lane. These are happy tears, don't worry. I just haven't thought back to the car in so long and we had so many memories around it, all good ones. It was just nice to think about."Â
"I'm glad they're happy memories. Now are you ready for this cafĂ© date, seeing as we are like 2 minutes away?"Â
"So ready."Â
Once I've parked and we are out 8f the car, I pull her into the cafĂ©. The smell of coffee and pastry filling my nose almost immediately. I take in a deep breath breathing it all in, fond memories filling my mind as I do so. I'm broken from my trance by a loud booming voice.Â
"Lady Maximoff!" I see her face light up as she hears the voice of her friend. His eyes travel to me and his jaw drops slightly.
"Hey Thor." I give him an awkward wave, before I can say anything else he bounds over to me and pulls me into a bone crushing hug, bending backwards slightly so he can lift me off the ground by an inch or so. Yes I'm a few inches taller than Thor, it's always good to see him try and act bigger than me.
"Lady St...Y/n...I've missed you a lot. It has been too long since our last meeting." He drops me gently, and I smooth out my clothes as I look back at Wanda who has an unreadable expression on her face. She snaps out of it when a second voice echoes down the stairs, followed closely by the owner of said voice.Â
"Wanda, darling. Lovely to see you again." He gives her a small hug, planting a peck on her cheeks. "And I see you've brought a friend, a friend of ours they are too. Y/n lovely to see you dear. How are you doing? It has been too long?"Â
"It has been too long indeed, Loki. My apologies for not visiting sooner, but you know how things can get when it comes to business."Â
"Indeed I do."
"So Lady Y/n. How are you holding up nowadays?" I stiffen slightly, and watch as Loki stabs his brother in the side with his pointy elbow. "I mean after you lost that big client."Â
I clear my throat slightly, shuffling with some unease but trying to hide it from them. "I'm doing well, thank you Thor. Now I will have a black coffee and for you Wanda?"Â
"An iced coffee please. You know how I like it." Thor nods as he disappears to go and make out drinks, and I turn to look at Loki.Â
A sad smile appears on his face, but I give him a look that immediately makes him smile. His eyes flicker from me to Wanda, a silent question on his lips. I subtly shake my head at him in answer. Loki gives me a nod in return.
"Sit wherever you like, I will come back with your drinks and then take your food order." Me and Wanda thank him as he turns to join his brother.
"What was that about?" Wanda asks, as she pulls me to a two seater table in front of the large windows, where you can watch the busy street.
"Nothing. Just been awhile since we have seen each other. A lot we need to catch up with." She hums in reply, her eyes not leaving my face. She smiles lightly before she speaks.
"Let's get this date underway."
================================
#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maxmoff x y/n#wanda x reader#wanda x you#just us series
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Hi! I just wanted to drop in and say that I adore your two Nace fics so much to the point that I have probably reread them about 20 millions and if you ever want to write for them again I would be more than WILLING (and to tell my soul) to supply you with a slew of ideas because I have plenty <3 your writing is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!!
hi anon, you have no idea how often i think of your ask and how much i've come back to it since you've written to me. i hope you're still around and still somewhat part of the nd fandom, and that the series finale was something you could enjoy and be satisfied w! truth be told i fell out of the fandom at the end of the third season, it was for a lot of reasons - personal and just the time passing, and with it also came half-baked word docs of nace fics i started but never really got around to finishing. and i never wanted to answer your high compliments with the answer of never considering to write for them again, and in all honesty i forgot my written drabbles in a folder on my laptop for the better part of the last two years. but i went through it on a whim today and actually found something i think is worth sharing, and since your message has stayed with me, i'm going to post it for you and you only, as both a thank you and im sorry i couldnt really give you more. writing for nace was one of my greatest joys in a truthfully very difficult time in my life, and im so glad it was as special for you as it was for me! so here's almost 5k of nace being in their pre-relationship, best friends in tension phase dated to the 21st of dec 2021 - it's certainly not my best work and may seem a bit half-baked, but there is so much love in it, and its happy and sad and hopeful all at once, and reading it again with fresher eyes, it would've been a shame for it to rot in my gdrive with no audience, so yeah thank you for reading this my dear anon. i hope you like it, take care!!
***
Ace let out a soft mumble of a curse under his breath.
âFlorence, this is not the time girl.â
The exasperation in his tone was refreshing to Nancy. Rarely was Ace ever off-centre; he was always the one who held down the fort, who grounded everyone, and especially her, to whatever it was they were working through at any given time. So the fact that car trouble was what got Ace ticking made her chuckle.
And among other things, she had to admit how adorable it was â his brows creased in annoyance, hands resting on his steering wheel, fingers drumming on the small surface in agitation. (Nancy tried to force herself to look away when her mind started to focus on how long and sturdy his fingers were in comparison to the lining of the steering wheel, ignoring the unnatural hike in her pulse).
Nancy observes his leg start to bounce restlessly in its place, his growing frustration rivalling Nancyâs ease. He looks at her through the rear-view mirror, sparkly blue eyes that seem to brace for her remark knowingly, âYouâre not allowed to say I told you so.â
Nancy playfully clicks her tongue, âI told you so.â
He groans in response, but thereâs only levity in his tone. When she looks at him amidst her unhelpful giggle, for the briefest of seconds, she sees a ghost of a smile on his lips.
âOkay Iâve got Earnie on speed-dial, he should be here in like 45 minutes.â
He looks at her readily, waiting for her to take a jab at the fact that heâs on a first-name basis with the Horseshoe Bayâs finest mechanic and tower of cars, but she chooses not to indulge him.
With a small smile, she pulls out a pack of skittles and crinkles it open, offering him a hand-full of carelessly assorted yellow skittles in ceasefire. He looks at her in mocking question, âYou think giving me my favourite colour of skittles is going to convince me into giving you a pass on the next 45 minutes where you tease me about this incessantly?â
Nancy smiles the brightest smile she can manage, teeth barred like a girl scout selling her cookies door to door, âYep.â
He concedes, nonchalantly shaking his head and turning over the skittles from her hand to his, âYou know me too well.â
(Nancy ignores the way he touches the pulse point on her wrist when he transfers the candy onto his own hand, how his fingers ever-so gently wrap around her entire wrist, electrifying the skin under his touch).
They sit there chewing in comfortable silence - on the candy as well as their thoughts; it had been a long day. They were heading back from another dead-end lead on de-tangling Georgeâs soul from Odetteâs, and though it had been a long shot, the sting of failure extinguishing the little hope that had slipped through to everyone in the group at the beginning of the day was subtly unrelenting. Nancy tried to keep the fear at bay, closing her eyes to refocus away from the painful pulses lightly throbbing at her temple. She couldnât even think about reliving Georgeâs death again, but the image of her bloodied body on the floor of the Claw re-emerges without permission, and along with it comes bile up Nancyâs throat.
In an attempt for comfort, she reminds herself of what George had to said to them when they regrouped at their cars to drive back to Horseshoe Bay, âIâm a fighter guys, and I live every day with intention, Iâm happy and in love and I have no regrets. Weâll figure this out.â
She recalls Georgeâs soft smile at Nick, her smirk at Bess when Addy asks for the two of them to carpool back alone together, her hugs for Nancy and Ace â she reminds herself how good it feels to relish in the warmth of her best friend. Taking a few deep breaths, Nancy wills for it to make her feel a bit better.
A gentle tap on her shoulder gets her to open her eyes again, and before she can turn to face Ace in question, she finds herself enamoured by the starry night sky looking down on her through the upper windshield. She wonders how she hadnât yet noticed the glimmering specks of silver tattered against a canvas of cloudless navy blue, both beautifully and terrifyingly spanning the expanse of her entire eyeline, nestled between tall, dark oaks and pine trees on either side of the road they were currently grounded to.
âYou have to stop worrying about her, weâll solve this too, we always do.â
That snaps her focus right back onto Ace, and she realises that despite the fairly long drive in darkness, the reason her attention had been obscured from the remarkable night sky was because it had been elsewhere, particularly on a concerning distraction that had been sat next to her this whole time.
She studies him, not rushing her response. She registers the way his lips have come into a fine line in resolve, starkly different to the smile lines that had lifted the plane of his cheeks just a few minutes ago, how the flecks of grey within his clear, sky-blue eyes zap like lightning, reflecting the twinkle of the stars above him â confident, persevering, determined. Her chest expands at how his expression still emanates warmth, a still of comfort when her mind is too convoluted to function, to find the gravity below her. Looking at him, she doesnât necessarily blame herself for not noticing the night sky.
âI hate that you can read me.â
She finds the grin in his eyes before his lips, âYou have to stop being so predictable.â
She mock-scoffs at him, âSays the guy who knew his car was going to break down but was too stubborn to back down from subjecting it to a long road trip anyways.â
He takes his turn feigning hurt, âTouchĂ©.â He chuckles, âNancy â 1, Ace â 0.â
She sobers up at his still subtly insistent stare, he doesnât want her to drop the subject just yet but he doesnât ask again; his delicate push gets her primed enough to voice her thoughts, âI canât watch her die again.â
She hates how her voice fails her, vulnerability and fear lulling her to a whisper, as if sheâs afraid the universe will hear her. Ace responds with a shaky breath, returning to her gaze with the truths sheâs been trying to convince herself with, âWeâre trying our best. Weâll get there, and weâll find what she needs.â
His eyes donât waver from hers, âWe canât live in how her death is something we canât avoid just yet, you heard what she said Nance, sheâs living her best life day after day, and we owe it to her to do the same.â
He says his words with such conviction that Nancy lets out a breath she didnât even know she was holding, (she tries not to melt at how his nickname for her drapes itself so softly on his tongue). âNone of us will ever give up on her, on any of us.â
She lets out a small smile in understanding, a tear escaping to her cheek before sheâs able to get a hold of her glossy eyes. For a spilt-second Nancy sees his fingers reach out for her, possibly to wipe the tear away, but he stops himself, and Nancy tries to ignore the way her stomach hollows out at his reluctance. Instead, he gives a genuine smile in return.Â
Before the slight awkwardness can stew between the two of them, Ace speaks up softly, clearing his throat, âAlright, come on.â
He gestures to the trunk of the car as he gets out of the driverâs seat, and openâs the passenger door for her to follow him; she wordlessly steps out despite her confusion. The cold wind hits her skin immediately, passing through the soft sleeves of her sweater as if they werenât even there. She hugs herself, tracing her hands up and down her upper arms to create some insulation.
Ace opens up the trunk and unzips a large duffel bag, pulling out three blankets and two cushion pillows. Taking the especially woolly chocolate and cream checkered throw, he swings it over Nancyâs back and gently swaddles her, âBetter?â
âBetter.â She responds, warmth immediately encapsulating her. Before she can ask why theyâre outside his car in uncomfortably cold weather, he explains, âThe stars are out tonight,â he says looking up, âI thought we could kill some time while we wait for Earnie, and a distraction wouldnât hurt the both of us. Two birds, one stone.â
Nancy follows his eye-line and stares at the sky, âDefinitely.â
Within five minutes, he lays out the largest blanket he has onto the hood of Florence and sets down the two pillows for them. Forgetting the added weight of the throw, she grabs his hand to get onto the surface, and predictably, loses balance almost immediately, tripping to fall face first right onto Aceâs chest.
Before Nancy settles into how mortifying it is, Aceâs arms instinctually wrap around her waist and secure them in place, his chest reverberating the chuckle he adds to the night air.
Her shoulders loosen, and Ace looks down at her with a smirk, a glint of mischief within those blue eyes Nancy adores, âComfortable?â
âShut up.â Nancy groans, and Ace readily manoeuvres her waist to help her rest next to him, the two of them fully laughing now. (She ignores the way his fingers come into contact with some bare skin on her hips when it happens, a result of her sweater hiking and the blanket falling on top of the both of them when she fell; she tries not to focus on the imperceptible movement of his thumbs against her exposed skin).
As they recover from their laughing fit and Nancy settles more comfortably onto her cushion, shoulder to shoulder with Ace, they both find themselves looking up at the incredible vastness above them. Away from the otherâs gaze, and suddenly incredibly aware of how small they were in this expanse of time and space, Nancy feels almost blindingly comfortable with Ace, willing to tell him anything if he asked.
Ace seems to get the same idea, âOkay, game time. I give you a story and you give me one in return, could be prompted by a question if either of us have something specific to ask, but otherwise itâs free rein.â
Nancy considers the proposition â she supposes it is dangerous territory, and that she would be tiptoeing between everything she wants to disclose and keep hidden, especially because she was already so comfortable leaving her heart at her sleeve with Ace, but ultimately the urge to get to know Ace better wins her over.
âOkay,â she agrees, slightly hesitant, âBut you start, since you clearly have something in mind.â
She sees him nod in her periphery.
âMy mom used to take me star-gazing to help with my anxiety,â Ace says, his eyes focused on the sky. âI couldnât sleep after what happened with my dad, and there were a good few weeks where he was comatose in the hospital, and I couldnât get that image of him out of my head every time I closed my eyes.â
âI stayed up for like four days straight after the accident, hopped up on energy drinks and just gaming or coding night after night, getting by on twenty minute naps that would just happen because my body was so exhausted,â he sighs, seemingly disappointed in his younger self, âIt wasnât long before my mom noticed the bags under my eyes and asked me to explain myself - I just broke down, told her how his limp body was all I could see if I let my mind rest for even a second. Thatâs when she invested in Florence, a seemingly temporary rental at the time,â he chuckles fondly, âand every night my dad stayed in the hospital after that, she took me up to the bluffs so that we could see the stars as clear as they were in Maine.â
She imagines a young Ace, so scared of his father not coming home that he wills himself to become his own problem, shielding himself the only way he knows how, and finding himself unwilling to depend on anyone, even as a child. Even though the irony of how similar they are is not lost on her, it hollows out Nancyâs chest.
She canât also help but find small comfort in the karmic coincidence that the bluffs were somehow similarly significant in both their lives â a place rooted in contentment equally as much as trauma. Nancy wonders why fate sometimes writes in intricately entwining strings so cruel when it comes to her.
âShe pointed out all the constellations, and eventually I learnt them too, and her explaining everything would send me to sleep. It was a lot easier to close my eyes to the stars instead of a dark ceiling, and she always said âItâs okay to be afraid, but when you are, just look up, and youâll be reminded of how vast and complicated this universe is. And if you can believe in that, you can believe that things will work out for the bestâ. And that hope? That hope has weirdly never really left me, no matter whatâs happened since then.â He finishes.
Nancy can tell that his voice is thicker, and she doesnât push to ask him why he thought she should know something so intrinsic about him. She breathes it in nevertheless, savouring a piece of his past that has been delicately placed in her hands, an olive branch for her to know him better.
She decides to take him up on it and share something thatâs been kept in the dustiest shelves of her own heart, âThat day the Aglaeca came to claim us, I actually fell off the bluffs.â
Nancy feels him turn his face to her in surprise, the only thing sheâd told them was that sheâd almost tripped over - sheâd never considered talking about the truth till now; she pushes on, talking at the stars, âI kept screaming for help, but obviously nobody came. I was meant to die there, just like my mother, and for a second, before my survival instinct kicked in, I almost let go⊠almost wanted to let go,â she feels her voice wobble, unable to carry the weight of her words, âI felt my own weight on my fingers, felt them give, and I was so tired, so I almost let go⊠instead of choosing to try and climb up.â
She had never admitted that to anybody, least of all herself, but it felt liberating to do so, to be overwhelmed in how enormous all her trauma seemed at the time, âI think itâs because Iâd felt helpless for a long time, I didnât know how to be somebody that other people couldnât depend on, and I couldnât get the conversation, or fight, we all had out of my head,â she adds quickly, with a hollow, humourless chuckle, âbut I did, I did climb up, and when I looked over at the sea, sitting there, all alone, I wasnât necessarily glad that I had. I still felt empty, even when I knew we survived.â
Verbalising the last admission felt like a tonne of bricks on her shoulders, but it all came out in a few short breaths â like domino after domino falling in a way she couldnât really stop once it started. Sheâd felt so small in the face of everything sheâd been through, and even though she knew that life is always the right choice, and sheâs convicted of that that definitively now more than any other time in her life, it wasnât something that came intuitively to her that day. Her introspection is cut short when she realises that Ace has fully turned to face her now, and she struggles finding the courage to look at him.
When she does, the pain in his glassy eyes knocks the wind out of her, âNance, I-I-, shit. Iâm so fucking sorry Nancy.â
His voice breaks, faltering as he sits upright with his apology. She follows, sitting up cross-legged next to him, âHey, hey,â she insists, resting her arm on his bicep, willing him to look at her, âI wasnât done⊠You know what helped me through that? What made me realise that it had obviously been the right choice?â
Aceâs stormy blue eyes look back at her, and he seems to recognise her desperation for levity, âTherapy?â
They both chuckle, cutting through a little bit of the tension, âYes, of course therapy,â she agrees, âbut unlike therapy, this isnât something Iâve had since I was eight.â
She takes a deep breath, hoping her persistent eye contact conveys the principle she that she grounds herself to, âIt was all of you. Seeing you that day when I walked into the Claw that night? With Bess, and Nick and George? With your relieved smiles, and hugs that were insistent on making sure I knew how glad you all were that I was alive? Thatâs what rushed all that relief into my body. For a spilt second, the Aglaeca highlighted all of my trauma so that I couldnât see through to the love I was given, and yes, it didnât help that we were our worst selves that day, fuelled by fear and regret, but when Iâd gotten back into my car and drove back to the Claw, I knew. I-â she drew another breath, trying to gain coherence; there was so much she had to say about that night, so much sheâd packed away into a tiny little box in her mind, âwhen I walked in that night, I knew that Iâd made the right call, that from then on, whatever near-death experience I was going to get catapulted into, I would always choose to stick around.â
She could feel her throat closing up a little, her voice thickening, âThe love that Iâve gotten from all of you, and now even Ryan, has changed my life, and it has forever changed the trajectory of who I am, and I whoever Iâll be, and thatâs something Iâm only grateful for. I know I donât tell you all that enough, but seriously, I am so, so grateful.â
The tears fall down Aceâs cheeks freely now, and in the vortex of them under a beautiful night sky with their hearts strung out in the open and them alone in between the woods, his reservations seem to lower just enough. His other hand comes over the hand of hers thatâs still resting on his bicep, and he intertwines his fingers with hers, a soft whisper following, âStill, Iâm sorry, what we said was really fucked up, there really isnât an excuse for it. We all made the decisions that got us to being prophesied to die that night, and it wasnât you. Nance, you didnât bring us to our deaths like lambs to slaughter, it was on us, we chose to be there.â
Itâs his turn to pierce right through to her heart through his gaze, conviction steady in his words, âYou are not a cause, and you are not an omen. You are anything but that. And honestly Nancy, I donât even fucking know what Iâd do with myself if we lost you that night.â
Nancy feels relieved in a weird way, the vindication is anything but hollow and ingenuine, it feels good. She laughs lightly, trying to mask a little bit of the subtle discomfort she feels; she knows the sentiment would be undeniably the same the other way around (except Nancy knows thatâs partly also because she canât really comprehend the enormity of what Ace means to her, how he was somehow so much more than a friend), the heaviness in his tone makes the implications of the statement much more intimate that sheâs ready to decrypt. âWell at least George wouldnât have died.â
And there it comes, that exasperated âNancy, using humour to cope with your trauma is not funnyâ face comfortably settling on Aceâs expression before sheâs even done with her sentence. She chooses to laugh it off again (and pretends not to notice how Aceâs fingers tighten around hers perceptibly more).
Neither of them lets go of the otherâs hand, and Nancy eventually lays back down on her cushion, with Ace following suite, âOkay on a lighter note,â she refreshes, âwhere do you see yourself in 10 years?â
He hums in thought, âUh, I donât really know, havenât thought much about it really.â
Thereâs an awkward hitch to his voice, and Nancy knows heâs picked up on her picking up on it, and he concedes into a slightly more nuanced response, âIâd like to have the standard stuff yâknow?â
She looks at him pointedly, âThe standard stuff?â
He avoids her gaze, âYeah, the standard stuff. Iâd like to be in love, and if Iâm lucky, possibly even married. And yeah, eventually something like two kids, a white picket fence, yâknow, the whole thing.â
The response surprises Nancy for some reason; itâs such an open admission of domesticity, and she unintentionally pictures herself with him in his ideal.
âYou think itâs dumb.â
Sheâs frayed from her thoughts, and registers that sheâd been quietly daydreaming for embarrassingly longer than acceptable, and that Ace perceived it as the opposite of what she was currently thinking.
âWhat?â Nancy tries to steady her heart beating frantically in her chest, the enormity of mapping her entire future with Ace now settling swiftly on her shoulders.
âOh my god, you totally think itâs dumb.â
Nancy tries to think through what feels like her brain is melting, âI do not think itâs stupid Ace, come on. Itâs endearing!â
He looks at her unconvinced. She tries to centre herself, refocusing from the image of two toddlers with his wonderful hair and her fiery eyes, she looks up and away from him again, âIâve always wanted at least two kids too, I never had any siblings, and Iâve always thought that companionship is really important when youâre young. A boy and a girl⊠would be nice to have someday.â
When she meets his gaze, thereâs something indecipherable about them. She tries to not to let how intensely heâs looking at her waver her in staring back at him (but itâs hard, she feels her stomach jump to her throat). Â
The finally, he speaks, âAt least two huh? Never pegged Nancy Drew for the big house, big family type.â
Thereâs a hint of an endearing tease that laces his tone, and she knows itâs meant to annoy her; she chooses instead to be honest, âYeah, actually.â
A small smile of satisfaction finds her lips as Aceâs eyes widen for just a second, âYouâre not the only one who wants the standard stuff yâknow,â she says, imitating the tone heâd used, âI would also really like to be in love, married even, and settle down. Maybe here, maybe somewhere else. Either way, I definitely do want a legacy. And what better legacy to leave than to love the people you love, maybe even slip into a life with that one special person I love and work to be with, and hopefully theyâre a best friend and someone I completely depend on, and Iâll get to create a family with them someday.â
She places intentionality in her last sentence, letting Ace know that maybe this person she hopes to have all that with isnât some far away concept, but the wonderful friend and companion sheâs been able to completely trust and depend on these last few months. His eyes seem to darken as he processes her words, blue pushed to the edges of his irises; she gets the feeling that he mightâve picked up on the implication.
There was no doubt that theyâd been recently tip-toeing around what their friendship was evolving into; between Nancy recovering from the Wraith, Ace getting kicked out and Amanda breaking up with him, theyâd both changed into such different people in just a few weeks. Theyâd both seemed to realise that though their entire worlds had shifted axes, the two of them were the same â they were Nancy and Ace, detective and hacker, a mind racing a hundred miles per hour paired with a rational, calm decision maker, a comet free orbiting in space and the sunâs gravity that grounded it, two best friends. They were comfortable here, safe in the boundaries of their friendship that was a little more than friendship, in confessions through glances and grazes, where the fear of having to figure out how they fit with each other, who they were and what they wanted was too scary for them to consider. For now, the implication was enough.
âYeah,â Ace seemed to agree, his voice a little dreamy, âsomeday.â
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do you have any rules/guidelines you go by when designing and creating a site? i love your web design, the way you combine style with accessibility is very inspiring; i really struggle with that balance
First off: thanks very much for your compliments about my site building. I put a lot of effort into what I create, so it's always nice to hear others enjoy my style or formatting of pages, thanks again.
TL:DR; Start simple and expand when the simple stage is done, don't delete that old half-finished page keep it up somewhere (gives you progressive reference AND a paper trail for growing accessibility wise), and don't be afraid to take inspiration from other sites.
Rambled response under the cut.
I took some time to ruminate on a response here lol. Bounced around some advice or input but ultimately I think starting simple is your best friend in coding.
Starting simply can be useful not even strictly from a site-building perspective, anything from inspiration, to pictures you'll use, to a color palette really. If you start with a bunch of concepts you want to utilize or bring to life your code can wind up very messy very fast, and sometimes you'll start disliking what you're making even if you're nowhere near the end goal you originally had in mind.
I see it a lot from the Neocities sites I follow actually. People start on HUGE webpage ideas, total site overhauls, and burn themselves out when the piece isn't coming to life exactly how they panned it out. I'd recommend even scribbling pencil-sketches for base site layouts, leave the flashy graphics people normally plan around out of it until a later stage in coding, and see how that feels. So many of my pages started as "ghdksdfg.png" from ms paint, seriously. Visualizing your layouts is a lifesaver.
The second point, which I emphasize a lot to people looking to really start up a Neocities or even just get into misc. coding is: keep your old code. Do it. I don't care how messy and shitty and unstable it is- same with keeping old art, you'll notice your progression AND it will be ten thousand times easier to reflect on things like accessibility if you have an old reference point. I've looked back on old code and gone "shit, I forgot (feature)" which more times than not is a QOL (quality of life) implement for the whole page. You're giving yourself a paper trail for improvement AND mistake catching. Big bonus.
Last: everybody has done everything before. Everybody. No matter what your site looks like someone can done that combination of div placements or used that graphic or ETC ETC ETC. Comparison kills. Grab a layout idea you like from some old 2000s cartoon site. See someone use a custom border? Take a look at it and figure out how to do it yourself. Want someone's code for a music player or calendar or gallery? Ask them for it or replicate it. Using inspiration isn't something you should be wary of and sometimes it leads to overthinking in web design.
I could ramble a lot more about design especially in the current Neocities sphere, but I'll try to stick to these 3 points which I think could be helpful.
If you want me to expand on any points or specify anything else let me know. If you also had any further questions I'll try my best to answer them in a more coherent way LOL. I've been on a schoolwork grind, so I hope I'm cohesive enough here.
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Hello Lunette! I saw your post about needing advice on how to reconnect with your writing after an absence due to chronic illness, and while I donât have a chronic illness, I do have chronic depression. Here are 5 tips Iâve learned over the years that have helped me when it comes to feeling disconnected from your writing. Hopefully they help!
Read a book or watch a movie that is similar to what youâre trying to write. Pay attention to how you feel as you read/watch, how the story draws you in, and what kind of imagery/language is used. In what ways is your writing similar to these stories? In what ways is it different?
Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite! Donât even look at the old scene- just rewrite it from memory. See if anything changes in tone or verbiage.
Bounce ideas off of friends. Sometimes we just need somebody to sort through the weeds with us. Ask for their honest (but kind and constructive) feedback, and see if they have any insights that can help.
Take a notebook with you everywhere you go and jot down your ideas. Whether itâs snippets of prose or dialogue, words that evoke feeling or even journaling! Any writing is better than no writing! Plus keeping all of your thoughts in one spot will help you connect your ideas.
Get excited!!! Make writing fun! Make playlists for your story and/or characters! Make niche memes about your story only a you will understand! Be your own number one fan! Sometimes you just have to let yourself get funky with it!
I hope this helps! If you ever want to talk about your writing or get feedback on something your stuck with my messages are always open! đ
Thank you so much for the advice!! I saw this ask when it first arrived into my inbox, but didn't get around to answering it until now; I figured other people might also be able to take something useful away from this ask so I wanted to share it :,) Luckily, I have gotten back into the swing of writing, although I'm (evidently) very far behind on tumblr. With some more experience being a chronically ill writer under my belt, these tips have been very helpful for me, particularly the 4th one. Being chronically ill (physically in my case, but this applies to other forms as well!) means you pretty much never know what your physical/mental state is going to be on any given day, so I've given up on planning my writing sessions and embraced writing more sporadically in my notes whenever I feel up for it, and then assemble it into a doc later.
I really appreciate you and everyone else who's reached out ever since I've spoken up about my health problems. Needless to say, it's been a rough (and lonely!) past year as I'm not really surrounded by other people who have any experience with chronic illness. It's a very alienating experience, but that's what makes online spaces like these very helpful; even if I mostly just lurk nowadays until I can manage to be consistent again. I hope you (and anyone else reading this) have a good writing year in 2024! :D <3
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Now to the more important thing! First of all, hello! How are you doing? I hope youâre doing good. And secondly, please donât mind me while I freak out a little bit.
YOUR NEW FIC!!!!! I am absolutely losing my mind over it! I read the first chapter while on a break at work a few days ago and I wanted to scream, run around like a crazy toddler and bounce off the walls all at the same time. How I managed to finish work that day is beyond me. Older Brian? Nonbinary Gus? Gus and Brian living together? Brian with a beard? Once again Older Brian?!?! And once again Brian with a beard?? I couldnât decide on which of those to focus on more because I absolutely love it so much! And then the second chapter! This will sound ridiculous because i swear whenever i get a notification about an update, i RUN to check but because of the excitement, i sometimes take my time to read the new chapter cause I want to save it for as long as possible (so during that time i just read the previous chapter like crazy). And let me tell you something, I am a few pain meds away from being just like my brother is with qaf but about your fic. I absolutely loved the second chapter. The emotion! The feelings! The excitement of them being together again! The pain of it all at the same time! Brian still not kissing anyone made me want to jump off a building while screaming about it. But the most important thing I would like to say is: The way you write is so fucking amazing, i am genuinely obsessed with how you paint the picture for the scene. I swear you can see the characters and the rooms theyâre in and everything happening between them, right there in front of you. You really know how to bring it all to life. Itâs almost as if Iâm either watching it happen on a TV or as if Iâm in the room with them. I donât know how else to explain it but I am obsessed with it. And the way you write the characters is so freaking spot on. I was already impressed by that with the AU fic you wrote which I feel like is way harder to nail their personalities but you did a terrific job. I am so excited to see where you take this story and what more you have planned for in the future because even with only 2 chapters so far, you managed to make me feel every emotion possible for them. All while also making me theorize about what will happen next and what happened in the first place for them to get here. Bottom line is: the fic is absolutely amazing. The only other way i could describe how it made me feel, is with a 3 page keyboard smash but I feel like you deserve proper words :) oh! I also very much loved our boys having an experience with PrEP/U=U so that was a really nice thing to see in the fic. So props to your friend for suggesting that idea. Anyway, Iâm gonna go now because I could legitimately go on and on about everything i loved in the fic and whyâŠ(damn, maybe i really am related to my brother..)
please donât mind me while I freak out a little bit
Please, I do not know a fic writer who MINDS if someone freaks out.
THANK YOU!! I'm so glad you like older Britin (I aged them up to around my age lol) and the beard and that Brian hasn't kissed anyone (how could I possibly write that he had kissed someone? WHO WOULD HE HAVE KISSED?)
Itâs almost as if Iâm either watching it happen on a TV or as if Iâm in the room with them. I donât know how else to explain it but I am obsessed with it. And the way you write the characters is so freaking spot on.
Excuse me while I sob. Thank you!!!! This is such a huge compliment. I'm blushing, I'm pulling my hoodie over my face, I'm giggling.
Also, yes... I can see the family resemblance. But I adore your brother's ramblings and I adore yours. So please don't be embarrassed by the similarity ;)
#ask winderlylandchime#dear sweet anon#queer as folk#my fanfiction#a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023#beautiful like the darkness between the fireflies
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Idk if and when you'll start answering benophie asks again but I cant help but notice how all the đŒ that shit on aofag by saying its classist and elitist are also the same people who don't want to see that story played out on screen. It's such textbook virtue signaling and I'm tired of it. Like just say that you don't relate to to sophie or her story of trauma and abuse, just say that you want a story about two rich people going to balls and falling in love. There's nothing wrong with that. (1)
Related Ask I got about a week after(?):Â
First off hii anon thank you for sending this in and waiting a while!Â
Just a lot of shit happened on this blog and then when you sent this in I was trying to keep my blog âneutralâ because some people took offence to my post calling you-know-whos after a old timey disease and decided that we wouldnât be impartial with our poll results which btw I apologise to everyone who is still waiting for it - Iâve been depressed (Iâm fine donât worry it just be like that sometimes) and my friends all have started school/work so life has happened weâre going to try to compile everything starting this weekend hopefully! Will come back with more updates when weâre ready to post.Â
That tangent aside, thatâs why I couldnât answer right away and then everything on my blog happened but now itâs free rein, The Petty Viscountess is here and ready to answer all your anons venting and calling shit out on you know which fandom. Not even gonna bother giving them a cute nickname, theyâll whine.Â
Letâs get into your ask, shall we! I donât have more points to add to be honest - you said it all!Â
Sophie saved their book!! And also we have Luke T to thank for making Ben even more likeable! Ben has his charming moments in the books but we all - even those of us who love him - gotta admit he was so creepy at times being so pushy. I think its good for us Benophines to accept that part of him in Book Canon and engage critically with that aspect of him.Â
However that being said, youâre absolutely right about the way other subfandom fans can be so annoying about our ships by acting all high and mighty about their ship both being virgins. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that inherently and it can be romantic - but to act like that somehow makes their racist faves a morally better couple??? Do they realise they sound super puritan and like Church Pastors and Nuns who scared us former Christian kids into not having sex cos it was supposedly a sin??Â
Itâs funny when you realise now most of them are trying to their couple out to be Kathony 2.0 in order to generate the hype for S3 its pretty sad that they donât even believe in their own ship to let them be their own people.
To end this ask off I do wanna reiterate two very poignant points you made in your ask:Â
I'm disinterested in half the bridgerton ships but I don't go around pretending to have a good reason why. Â
They're already getting their season a year early, just leave us to our misery and they enjoy the content you get instead of constantly rubbing it in our faces. Every single ship is annoying but *god* their egos have inflated to the size of a bounce house lately.Â
I have no idea why That Subfandom is so hellbent on everyone liking them and their ship so damn much. Like just accept that the show version have shitty versions of those characters and that majority of your fandom are racist assholes so the rest of us want nothing to do with you!! Be secure in yourselves and accept that you donât need anyone elseâs validation - yall have shown yourselves that youâre are deluded enough anyway.Â
[I always say this but just a reminder: the only valid ones are most of the time Book Polins who hate the show version and are upset their fave chars have been character assassinated - I actually have a Polin who sent me an ask about this! I didnât forget you - Iâm just putting tgt a list of positive rep for you anon so hang in there <3. Also there is ONE rare person Iâve talked to who does critically engage with Show Pen so theyâre okay - I just wish they would be more confrontational with their fandom tho.]
Back to you Benophie Anon: Your last line made me LAUGH OUT LOUD and LOUDER FOR THE RACISTS AT THE BACK:Â
They're already getting their season a year early,... enjoy the content you get instead of constantly rubbing it in our face. *god* their egos have inflated to the size of a bounce house lately.
Check yourselves @ you-know-whos!! Another season why we donât like you, no one likes gloater and we get it Production Loves You so just stay in your corner! Leave us the fuck alone and stop being so self-righteous and trying to make your ship Kathony 2.0, theyâll never be Lord and Lady Bridgerton. Only Mr. and Miss for you.Â
Anyways last thing: @ both anons who sent in their asks if youâre anti-racist/homophobia/sexist Benophies who donât send doxxing threats, please hit up my friends Belle aka sophiamariabeckett and Michaela aka minim236 they need more sane Benophie mutuals/friends! Weâre tired of finding out some Benophies here and/or Twitters are secret racists or homophobes [this ask got long so Iâll put the red flags in the comments]Â
#Bridgerton#Ik I said I'd stop tagging Bridgerton but I am in a petty mood kdjhkad#Also anons are off and most of them are cowards to actually comment on my posts#The Bee Show#Any follow up asks you guys are dying to send - you can send off anon and ask to be anon đ#Bridgerton Asks#The Viscountess Answers
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2, 9, & 13 for balls your gay 3 ocâs :3
2. How loosely or strictly do they use the word âfriendâ?
dak-wai answer is over here ^_^
lemming calls people his friends pretty liberally, but he means it. he loves getting to know people and it doesn't take all that much for him to consider someone a new friend. he doesn't like calling someone his friend in a manipulative or deceptive way, but he's also not above it in a potentially thorny situation
ephros is more selective about who he considers a friend and when he says it, to really gesture to a meaningful relationship. he doesn't say it if he doesn't mean it, but there's a definite awareness of and investment in the emotional pull that gives him. trying to convince gale it's totally cool that they led minthara to the grove where she killed everybody like i thought we were friends and you trusted my judgment... i'm sorry i failed you but i won't let you down again :( [he will]
9. Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?
lemming is gentle and forgiving almost to a fault, he's extremely conflict avoidant and not great at setting personal boundaries. he's tougher on himself and used to a pretty high amount of friendly ribbing but if you are nice to and compliment him he'll go đ„ș
dak-wai isn't necessarily 'tough' but they are pretty blunt and not used to verbal or physical affection. they don't really know how to process kindness and concern except for standing there awkwardly, mumbling 'thanks,' and then immediately removing themself from the situation. they do appreciate the gesture though. while they're technically more comfortable with 'tough love' in the form of criticism that gives them a clear idea of what to do better, other people's judgment really bothers them. they'll remember a throwaway negative statement for months
ephros has a very gentle and polite demeanor overall. he always seems very supportive and understanding, but he also thinks he knows what's best for other people better than they do 90% of the time. any 'tough love' or criticism just kind of bounces off of him without impact because he has total confidence in his own actions. he wants to be told he's doing the best job he could even after inadvertently killing dozens of people
13. When do they fake a smile? How often?
lemming: he's almost always smiling because he's a cheerful guy, but he also instinctually smiles/laughs when he's nervous or trying to defuse a tense situation. it's hard for him to distinguish what a 'fake' smile is which is to say he fakes smiles a lot of the time.
dak-wai: if they try to fake a smile it looks like this. they basically never do it, and if they do it's kind of intentionally bad to go Fuck you you want me to smile this is all you're getting
ephros: a polite looking young man who always seems to be mildly amused. that's kind of just how his face is. he's not as inclined to fake smiles as lemming is to cover for nervousness or tension, but he also doesn't tend to let any negative emotions show unless he's really distressed or caught off guard. at most he looks mildly perturbed while giving you an unsettlingly intense stare with those big green lizard eyes
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911 Lone Star Season 4 - My Thoughts
[Long Post Warning]
đ
Oh hey tumblr, it's me! I've had this idea in my head for a while and thought that since most of my tumblr following is Spam-bots and inactive/deleted accounts (There's a few of you who are still active, so heyyy thanks for still following me!) that I would do my first one on Tumblr. I would love to start Youtube channel, but I still feel a bit shy.
I used to write a lot! If you have been following my blog since, geez, 2012 you know that. Unfortunately, I have been in a very long period of writers block. I'm hoping getting creative ideas on the page will help me start to write again.
The idea I have is to explain what I would want to see happen, or what I would do if I was one of the story writers of some of my favorite shows upcoming seasons. Or even what I think will be happening in these upcoming seasons. I hope this makes sense lol!
The first show I want to deep dive into has been my hyper-fixation show for the past several months (thanks @iboatedhere đ€Ł). I mean, I have watched the first three seasons of this show maybe 15 times at this point! I just found out a couple weeks ago that they have started production for season 4, and I am so excited to see what is in store! Of course the show I am talking about is 911 Lone Star!
Let's begin:
What I think will happen/What I want to happen
Sectioned by character:
Owen
This man annoys me 10/10 so I hope we see him continue to go to therapy.
I really enjoyed the storyline they gave us at the end of season 3 with Owen returning to California to say goodbye to his father.
I could see the half-brother doing the same thing, coming to Austin trying to connect to his father's past. I also love that irl the actor playing Owen's half-brother is Rob Lowe's brother. That is cool!
Owen telling TK about his past. Does TK know he's named after Owen's brother?
I want Owen and Catherine back together - I know they're toxic af, but I love two type-A characters bouncing off each other!
TK/Carlos (they're together because their relationship is a main storyline)
Jesus....
If they injure this man again...*clenches fist*
Role reverse with Carlos? Carlos gets injured, and TK is at the bedside.
Here's how I would do it: Carlos takes his detective test, passes. Gets put on this high profile case. While investigating, gets kidnapped. Not just for several hours like TK/Tommy/Nancy is that one episode, but for weeks. Then the TK sobriety storyline could tie into this as well. Obviously, when he is found he's relatively okay. They could also tie this into the Judd PTSD storyline too.
Tarlos wedding
less fade to black scenes...this is why I wish that this show wasn't on cable TV. They do fade to black for all the romance aspects. Nancy and Mateo, TK and Carlos, Owen and Catherine.
Paul
I just want this man to be HAPPY! Please đ
I would love to see the sister come back in some way, that would be a cool idea
Judd
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Wyatt storyline! I think it saved his character tbh
I would love to see more from this storyline, but from the season 3 finale it made it seem like Wyatt is going off to college and won't be around.
More about the accident at the beginning of the show. PTSD doesn't just go away like they portrayed.
Maybe during a BBQ the grill does that thing that grills do where the flame
Marjan
Much like Paul, I want Marjan to be on a call and click with someone they are saving.
Maybe she gets hurt on a call. Nothing big, but needs to be out for a couple weeks.
She bumps into this person during that time and starts to secretly date them.
OF COURSE Paul is the first to sniff that shit out! He is her BFF, obviously!
Nancy
GIVE ME A NANCY BACKSTORY!
I want to know why she decided to become an EMT. In the O.G. 911 they did this for Hen and it was a really cool concept.
Similar, there is an episode where she talks about her sister, show me the family!!!
More scenes between her and Mateo. I STG is the writers make them break up I will do something detrimental...
Mateo
(similar to Nancy) GIVE ME A BACKSTORY!!
They hinted at a backstory several times: Dad being in Guadalajara, and being a DREAMER. That is great bones for a backstory! Just saying.
You can tell that Mateo and Nancy's characters were never meant to be apart of the ensemble, but the audience loved their characters so much that they now have storylines. I am excited to see where the writers take them.
Tommy
One of the twins starts getting in trouble at school
Maybe series finale, or series middle finale the twin sets a fire in the school? Or does that seem too much?
Tommy embracing the single Mom life, finally feeling steady in her routine.
It also would be a good idea for Tommy to think that she see's her late husband at one of their scenes. Starts seeing him everywhere. It's not him though, just a man that looks like him.
đ
What I would write
đ Judd goes to surprise visit Wyatt, only to find out that he dropped out of college. He can't get a hold of him, and goes to work. On a call, a new firehouse shows up with fancy gear, tech, truck and their new tech guy...Wyatt.
đ Add a single season character, who's exit at the end of the season makes for good drama! AKA this character gets k!lled off. My initial thoughts would be a untamable, young firefighter with survivors guilt, like Judd, gets sent to Owens team
#Thishasbeeninmydraftsforawhile#911 lone star#owen strand#tk strand#judd x grace#wyatt harris#tommy vega#nancy gillian#mateo chavez#marjan marwani#paul strickland#carlos reyes#tarlos#let me know your predictions
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