#texture things yaknow
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chapter 3
And there it was. The one true explanation behind everything.
John's not human.
Or maybe he is. Maybe he's a wizard. Maybe he's a scientist checking on his experiment on mankind in a simulation. Or maybe he's a mystical being that can manipulate the existence of time. Or maybe he just has really good reflexes. That must be it right? The most rational, logical reasoning behind what he just witnessed. Unless there's another reason altogether. Like maybe John somehow already knew, in which case the theory of him being some time-travelling dude who wants to rewrite his future comes back into play. Maybe it's some Marty McFly bullshit-
Or maybe Tyler is just in his head again. And he's thinking too much about something that probably no one else overthinks about. Tyler really should be taking his medication on time.
It's not unusual for him to get like this- stuck in his mind with fantasies and unrealites. His doctors say it's a symptom of his ADHD, his psychiatrist says it's a product of his trauma and his friends say it's annoying but they're funny like that so Tyler doesn't really pay them any mind.
Tyler thinks- well Tyler's done enough thinking.
Yet his mind decided otherwise because now Nogla is in his mind. Did he just walk in? Oh, he's talking to John now. And John's pointing him to where Tyler's sitting. Did they agree to meet but Tyler somehow forgot? That seems likely but he wouldn't forget if he planned something with Nogla. He should do something, maybe greet the tall man- and damn is he tall. Like really tall. Maybe because Tyler is sitting down and Nogla is standing but still. Or it could be because of those striped pants. Tyler knows he read somewhere that vertical stripes on clothes makes the person wearing them look taller. Tyler thinks John mentioned it too, everyone knows the guy likes fashion as much as he likes this shop. Oh right, this shop. The one he's in currently. The one that Nogla is also in. The one that both of them are in and Tyler is seated and Nogla is walking towards him and- why does he have that look on him?
Tyler thinks he should stop thinking thoughts because the irishman is sitting down beside him. And he's saying something. Tyler should listen actually-
"-told me you were just sitting here starin' at him. He thinks you might'a been in shock"
It's like his eyes were a camera and his brain finally managed to trigger the focus function. He locked onto Nogla's worried gaze and that brings him back down to the present.
David was still in his home clothes, having rushed over as soon as he hung up the call from John.
"Nogla come quick. It's Tyler."
From what John explained, there was a freak accident with one of the fancy coffee machines with those little flavour pods and something shot out from the machine and almost hit a customer from behind. John thinks whatever happened must have really scared Tyler because he hasn't stopped staring between John and the coffee machine for the past few minutes
And now David is worried because he knows Tyler is aware that he's beside him. But David doesn't think that Tyler actually /sees/ him. He's up in the skies again, and David doesn't know how to bring him back down.
He decides eventually to just start speaking, hoping his voice is enough to drag his friend out of whatever headspace he's in. And- thank fuck- it works. The man in question blinked once, twice. If the circumstances were different, David thinks he might have found it comical how he can see Tyler's eyes go from looking through him, to looking at him. If David wasn't watching so intensely, he would have missed how Tyler's irises shone different shades of blue as they readjusted with the movement of his pupils.
"There he is! God, Tyler, me and John were worried," David sighed.
The softest apology came in reply, but all David did shook his head. It's the number one unwritten rule they have with each other and with the rest of their friends- never apologise for something you can't control.
David pulled off one of his beaded bracelets and handed it to Tyler. "So you wanna tell me what happened?"
The other fiddled with the borrowed accessory for a few moments, rolling it in his palms. An inhale ended his silence, and David watched Tyler carefully while he talked.
"It was just a 'BOOM!' out of nowhere, followed by like glass breaking and next thing I knew John was suddenly behind this one dude with like his hand holding something right behind the guy's head. I don't think he even knew he was about to get headshot by a freakin' coffee maker thing."
David hummed thoughtfully, motioning for Tyler to carry on. The latter was still fiddling with his bracelet, but he moved on to another set of repetitive motions, now going through the whole thing rolling each individual bead between his thumb and index finger.
"Anyways, that wasn't the problem. Sure the sound spooked me a little but what really bothered me was how John was just /there/ in time to catch the tiny thing that the coffee maker shot out. It was like he already knew it was gonna fly at the dude. John didn't even look all that alarmed too. Like he knew it was gonna happen."
Now at this, David raised his eyebrows a little. This wasn't the first time Tyler voiced such ideas to him. Stuff like John knowing when things were about to go wrong before they even happened. Sure, it's a little weird, but David will never say that to Tyler.
"So I sat there trying to figure out how the hell would John be able to do that. And I came up with a few theories too! First one is…"
At least he's okay, David thought. He'd rather Tyler be verbal and excited than silent and scared. David would happily listen to his best friend's tangents any day of the week. Hell, every day of the week, if he could. As long as Tyler is happy, he is too.
#the noose#bbs noose au#noose au#ave remembers how to write#sorry for the late update#but i am out of the hospital#recovering well from that medical emergency#and currently finishing up chapter 4#i hope you like the format of this chapter#made tyler's bit as accurate as i could as someone with adhd#also yes noose hc is that he uses nogla's bead bracelets as stim toys#bc he doesnt like wearing them himself but he likes how they feel inhis palms'#texture things yaknow#ddw my beloved <3
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ok i'll confess i may have cheated a little bit. i actually really really like using textures i just don't render things enough to show it </3
#trousled rambles#honestly the hardest part about that art was the realization that i never actually learned how to draw shoes normally#anyway i only had to make a new brush for the lineart lol everything else i just kinda already had lying around#i like coloring things in a way that lets me change colors later & then the texture comes in with shading if i feel like it#better for spoons yaknow#i am a lying liar who lies. but at least it looks pretty cool 😌
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loove having a favourite colour why is no one talking about this....
#i can look at an arbitrary thing and be like!!! OOH thats the thing i like!!! *pointingpointingpointing*#in other news. the bottle im using has a yellow cap.#it was some pineapple aloe vera drink with. the bits in it yaknow.#i had a terrible time drinking it (bc of the bits. ewwy texture :( ) but now i have a bottle =w=bbb#YAY#sillyposting#slay#yellow so pretty <33
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18+ NSFW Alphabet: Kassandra (Assassin’s Creed)
A: (Aftercare) with Kassandra would almost always end with the two of you bonding over a glass of wine. She would spoil you with kisses and if the two of you decide to take a shower afterwards she would help wash you, sneaking in some kisses and cuddles too. If it's morning sex, Kassandra would most definitely cook you up some breakfast.
B: (Favorite body parts) Starting off on an innocent note, I think Kassandra would admire her partner's neck. Neck kisses are her weakness, anything from that point a little downward like the collarbone or shoulders. I also feel like she’d admire a beautiful back, she’d have a tendency to track that line down the middle of your back. Let's be real here though, I can tell she loves some thighs. She also loves to be smothered in between them.
C: (Cum) Kassandra will put her life on the line just to get you to finish. She takes pride in her work, I don't see her being able to mentally handle it if she knows her partner wasn’t satisfied. As for her, she needs her back scratched equally.
D: (Dirty secret) Kassandra is completely and utterly devoted to her partner, so much that she can't help but to look at naughty pictures you’ve sent her or even just your *cough* selfies. Kassandra admires beauty, and she loves to admire her partner's beauty while touching herself when the two are away from each other. If the two of you are out in public she’ll find herself eyeing you up and down like a meal and thinking of all the things she wants to do to you when you’re home (or not.)
E: (Experience) Kassandra is extremely experienced in what she does. I mean, have you played the game? The woman is a sex demon, there's likely nothing that she hasn’t done out of curiosity or spontaneity.
F: (Favorite position) When she’s wielding the strap, she loves to see the expression on your face while she's ramming into you. Whether slow and passionate or rough and hard. Missionary is an intimate position for her, so she definitely treasures it or saves it for when she wants to connect with her partner on a deeper level. However, as we know Kassandra is a pleaser all the way. She loves eating you out, mostly when you’re on top of her and smothering her with your thighs that she can grip on. Kassandra is down for any position though, all of it turns her on. Even more so if she's having sex with someone she loves deeply.
G: (Goofy) She’s always being silly. I could see her taking up with “Dad” jokes. However, she loves being a sarcastic asshole to you and teasing you. All with good intentions, of course. She loves getting her partner riled up.
H: (Hair) Ugh, I love that braid she has but I can imagine a modern Kassandra always having her luscious brown locks well groomed. I think she uses a product in her hair, I could see her having a wavy hair texture when her hair is down. Kassandra with her hair down? *Chefs kiss* But onto down yonder, I think she would likely be well groomed. Her skin looks pretty soft and smooth to the touch in game. However, I don't think she would be completely bald, I think she’d leave a nice patch or simply shave the sides.
I: (Intimacy) She yearns to be intimate, all the time. I could see her being a little clingy and overprotective at times. Nothing overbearing however, she's much too independent and free spirited for that. Kassandra would be the type to kiss you at each stop light if she's driving you around in her car. If you’re out together, she’d hold your hand. If you’re cold she’d give you her jacket. Such a sweetheart.
J: (Jack off/Masturbation) I could see Kassandra masturbating from time to time when she’s not in the company of her lover due to travel/work/business. But, she prefers to get you off.
K: (Kink) She probably has a praise kink due to… yaknow… family trauma. As tough as she is on the exterior, DEFINITELY likes to be babied sometimes. Keen on public sex, likes the risk. I could see her wanting to fuck in a religious place/place of worship (oh so sacred and controversial). Orgasm denial, she likes to see you squirm and beg for her. It feeds her ego. Degradation kink.
L: (Location) Anywhere, everywhere.
M: (Motivation) Loves it when you stroke her ego, anything to inflate it further. For example, compliment her body after a hard day at the gym (She’s definitely a gym girl).
N: (No; Something they wouldn't do/turn offs) There isn’t much that Kassandra wouldn't do but I think she definitely draws the line at anything to do with human excretion/ bodily fluids. However, knife play… She’d be down.
O: (Oral) Likes to give and receive.
P: (Pace) She can be passionate and slow but she will also fuck the shit out of you and leave you in a wheelchair. Then, when you can't walk the next day she’s gonna make fun of you. All jokes of course…
Q: (Quickie) Kass is always down for a quickie.
R: (Risks) I could see Kass definitely taking risks when it comes to sex since she is an experimental person.
S: (Stamina) Endless stamina, she doesn't hit up the gym for no reason. She can go for hours and hours, sometimes she’ll even wear you out. You just can't keep up with this woman.
T: (Toys) Absolutely, she loves to use toys on you and vice versa. She’ll usually just go for the finger blasting but when it’s strap time, it is time. Enjoys vibrators, handcuffs, ropes, whips, ect. Owns a sex swing.
U: (Unfair/How much she likes to tease) Kassandra will tease her partner endlessly, she gets off on it. However, she will give you as many orgasms as you want.
V: (Volume) Kass is LOUUUUUUUUUUUD. So loud, you have to cover her mouth when you’re giving her the strap sometimes. If that's what you enjoy. Her moans are breathy and deep, depending on how hard it is she will whimper and scream.
W: (Wild card) Kassandra once had a business trip coming up and held onto a pair of your panties for safekeeping <3
X: (X ray) She has a toned, muscular body. Thick thighs, strong calfs, protruding biceps. She has a smaller chest, muscular pecks with some scars possibly. Some stretch-marks due to muscle building.
Y: (Yearning) Pretty much anything can trigger Kass’s sexual arousal. However, she can contain it easily if need be.
Z: (Zzz) Kassandra knocks out, actually she snores most of the time so you have to remind her to flip over on her side. However, if you fall asleep before her she will watch you sleep peacefully. She’ll also take pics and vids of you sleeping crazy to laugh at them later.
#alphabet#kassandra#kassandra the eagle bearer#assasinscreed#assassin's creed odyssey#Assassins Creed Odyssey#fanfic writers#ac#misthios
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Thoughts on skulk?
BOY I SURE HAVE EM
hope you're ready for Minecraft Biology Class because you activated my trap card
TO BEGIN; I believe sculk is derived mainly from aquatic plantlife- this means things like kelp and seaweed, but also includes less 'cohesive' plants like duckweed (it is not weed for ducks im very sorry). As a result, any area overgrown with sculk is going to be humid and cold. Also, it does not smell good. It's like if you froze and then thawed rotting seaweed, with a hint of something metallic- not as intense, but you don't wanna get up close and personal with it yaknow.
While it has completely lost the ability to process light, it still has a limited capacity to absorb CO2 and nutrients from soil. It is unknown at this time if this is how it stays alive, or if it isn't alive in the first place.
Sculk carpet growth (the main block) is similar to moss in texture and appearance, but less 'carpet'-y due to the individual stalks being larger. Soft enough that you kind of sink into it a bit when walking, but firm enough that it's never going to steal your shoes about it. Some stalks store 'soul', or EXP, in a liquid state, creating those glowing dots. Don't ask me how that translates into green xp orbs I don't have an answer. bideo james.
Sculk veins look like something between common ivy/vines, and slime mold. The veins are less solid tubes and more like a very wet bundle of threads melding together, with some meeting points of several 'branches' storing EXP similar to the carpet. It isn't very hard to pull apart, and doesn't really seem to care if you do- it doesn't act like a damaged plant. There are some reports of them being capable of autonomous movement, but they have yet to be confirmed.
As previously implied, sculk is of artificial origin- emphasized by their ability to interface with redstone, and the fact that it cannot reproduce without a catalyst, which cannot be crafted.
Though the records of those ancient cities lost to the sculk have long since decayed, the prevailing theory of the reason behind their creation is one of war. Reacting to noise and requiring no eyes makes it a solid counter to Endermen and their ilk, and the proximity of Deep Dark biomes to the Void, as well as the very name of the Warden, suggest an attempt to keep something contained- and it doesn't look like it was us.
Also, the Warden is my dad and I love him thanks for coming to my TEDtalk
#theories#research notes#letters#HI THIS IS FOUR PARAGRAPHS OF SPEC EVOLUTION DESCRIPTIONS OF SCULK. ENJOY#literally real life obsessed with the sculk. I'm like if warden Cubfan didn't even need to get possessed first#ah man havent had a chance to activate my trap card in a while
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does sophie have any hobbies? what things does she like
Heloooo! Sophie likes calm activities, like reading and arts and crafts! Shes frail due to the fact shes a scottish fold, so she cant do many physically strenuous activities, so mostly fibre craft yaknow? She really likes needle felting uwu she loves napping and cuddling, and just kinda existing in the same room with me(like a cat does)
She likes cats a lot! And soft textures uwu and she likes stim toys and stuffed animals ^^ omg she loooves sweets and also seafood ^^
Heres a cute pic of her ^^
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Normal things that I cannot eat:
Peas (no)
Pumpkin (no)
Sweet potato (no)
Corn in any way that isn’t on the cob (no)
Chicken (no)
Fish fingers (no)
Weird things that I can eat and really enjoy:
Tripe (texture yummy)
Chicken feet (I just have to not think about the foot part)
Chilli so hot you can’t taste anything else (masks the flavour ☺️ safe food no. 1 >>>>)
Blue cheese (idk it just tastes Good yaknow)
Everyone with autism is different. We don’t all have plain safe foods, we don’t all like the same things. We’re all valid, no matter how “weird” our safe foods are, how little or how much you can eat.
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cheese and crackers is The Wrong Choice 4 a snack when you've got dry mouth :(
#didnt eat til like 11:30 today i knew low appetite was a potential side effect but damn i didnt think itd be this bad#u know when youve got NO appetite but u can tell ur hungry so u eat anyways but its like.......#the worst thing ever? like the CHEWING.....just fuckign. textures. in ur mouth. gah#ask me 2 tag this if u need it ik this is kinda a delicate topic#kinda like. sad. cause this past yr i had really finally gotten to a much better point with my eating yaknow?#and it was kind of exciting to like. actually feel hungry and eat a good amount and feel satisfied in like. a 'normal' way
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Little hc with autistic mc, but what belphie was being salty while mc was stimming and they just go from
😆 to 😶
Like they just all of a sudden lost their entire energy storage, I do that sometimes I can be happy: 😆 and then just go: 😐
that would definitely happen.
Belphie isn't great with an autistic mc? it kinda depends on what mc does to stim yaknow?
like for me im pretty low energy most of the time and stim from textures like petting things or chewing or shit so hes less likely to say something bratty if its those kinds of quiet stims
but if you’re more of a vocal stimmer or hand claps or shaking your arms or what have you he will probably say something salty/bratty/mean.
hes kinda a dick tbh- and he would have 0 apologies for zapping your energy or mood. welcome to his world. quick changes of mood are pretty normal for us (autistic ppl) anyway so hes probably used to it (dealing w/ Levi for millennia)
#mailbox#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me headcanons#obey me belphie#obey me belphagor#belphie headcanons#belphagor headcannons#autistic mc#autistic leviathan#omen speaks
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can you give me some webtoon recommendations? name some of your favorites! :)
i am here to answer folks 😎
all of these webtoons can be found on webtoons.com! I'm not sure about the whole daily pass thing they've got going on (which sucks tbh) but like,,, you could probably find it online illegally. NOT THAT I CONDONE ILLEGAL ACTIVITY HAHAHAHA ᵖˢˢᵗ ⁱᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ˡᵒᵒᵏ ⁱᵗ'ˢ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ
I'll split these up between completed and in progress :) most are still in progress though
COMPLETED
1) Gourmet Hound (166 chapters)
this is like, my all time favorite webtoon. it follows Lucy and her quest to find all the chefs that left her favorite restaurant, Dimanche! it’s a really heartfelt story and the food illustrations make you really hungry, so make sure you have a snack before you sit down to read it. each character’s name is also food-related, so that’s pretty cool too! and the diversity in this webtoon is AMAZING. it’s the only webtoon i’ve ever read that has a hijabi character in the main cast. the development is done really well and it explores themes of loving and letting go. all in all, it has a bit of everything. i personally love food-related things, and this centers around it, so i was set LOL
(also a bonus is that this webtoon has NOT succumbed to daily pass hell, so you can binge read the whole thing. legally.)
2) Hooky (200 chapters)
if you like stories of witches, this is the one! the summary and beginning chapters are deceptively lighthearted. DO NOT BE FOOLED! the story really develops further on and explores numerous conflicts, a big one being (if i remember correctly) witch vs. nonwitch. if you like to see struggles between two sides, not a good-and-evil but just people-who-want-the-best-for-themselves-and-their-loved-ones type of thing, this is good for that. also, sibling love! the two main characters are Dani and Dorian, and while there is someee romance, i like how this story centers around the siblings first and foremost. ALSO THE ART??? I LOVE HOW THE AUTHOR DRAWS SETTINGS SO MUCH and am unabashedly jealous because i am completely incapable of doing so just like,,,, even if the story doesn’t pull you in, you can at least stare at each panel for long stretches of time.
(unfortunately succumbed to daily pass, but you can read it on mangaowl or manganelo!)
3) Spirit Fingers (167 chapters)
aww, this one is cute. Amy is 18 and lacking in self confidence (her family definitely doesn’t help). but HEY she joins a wacky art club!! without her parents knowing!! HECK YEAH!! unfortunately it takes more than joining an art club for her to learn to love herself (it is a long journey after all!). i love this webtoon because it explores the problems of multiple people, not just amy: her high achieving brothers, her mother who had to give up her dream, the different members in the art club, Amy’s girl friends. the art is unique and has a cool watercolor-y texture! and the main couple is just adorable, too. if you’re an artist especially, i recommend this because that’s a big theme and you get to see these characters expand their art styles! which is very cool!
(you can read this one fully on 1stkissmanga)
now here’s where the majority of my recs are:
IN PROGRESS (all can be read on webtoon.com)
1) The Makeup Remover (currently 71 chapters)
i look forward to this every tuesday and friday because oh man!!!!!!!!! idk about you guys, but i am thinking about beauty standards A Large Amount of the time, especially when i consume media. and this webtoon is all about beauty standards (specifically in Korea, but still applicable like. everywhere). Main character Yeseul ends up having to partake in this beauty competition and, with her experiences through it, she begins seeing makeup and beauty standards for the huge role they play in society. i said it already but i LOVE LOVE LOVE this webtoon because it really challenges you as a reader to think about your own perspectives. why do we find the things/people beautiful that we do? what shapes our perception? how much of it is marketing, and how much of it shows in our daily lives? what assumptions do you make about people based on how they look? AGHH im sounding like an essay prompt instead of a reviewer but man. if you like webtoons that examine society through a critical lens (gosh i sound like an english teacher), this is the one.
2) Odd Girl out (currently 261 chapters; on season 2)
okay, first and foremost: if you’re NOT into long winded drama, this probably isn’t it for you. i will admit im not a fan of long problems that get dragged out, especially in a school setting, but i did keep reading this webtoon and i am glad that i did! the character development here is amazing and ONE CRUCIAL THING is that the whole first season (which is many, many chapters. at least over 100) focuses on the friendship between our main 4 girls. if you don’t wanna wait for a romance storyline (which comes in season 2), then you’ve gotta have the patience of a saint. i loved this though because lots of romance webtoons cast friendships aside or use them to further the romantic plot. platonic relationships are great to read about and this one does it masterfully! main character nari is resilient and emotionally strong, and it’s great to see her ruin her enemies
3) Cursed Princess Club (currently 110 chapters; on break before the final season)
this is another one about beauty and societal expectations, but in a fantasy setting! it’s really funny and the cast of characters is heartwarming. Gwen is a princess, but she doesn’t look like the typical princess. she accidentally stumbles upon the Cursed Princess Club, which is exactly what it sounds like: a club for princesses that have been cursed and are trying to find their self worth despite not being conventional princesses! now that i think about it, this is like a lighthearted mixture of Makeup Remover and Spirit Fingers. although while i do say “lighthearted”, this webtoon has its fair share of mysteries and exploration of deeper topics. but its funny throughout
4) Brass & Sass (currently 83 chapters)
ahh this one is really cute and the art is cute, too! i also like how this has a diverse cast. high schooler Camilla kinda sucks at band, but dangit if she’s not passionate. Victor is some type of musical prodigy but he’s a brass-hole (hahaha get it. no that’s not original i ripped it from the summary). now i KNOW I KNOW, the whole “perky girl and asshole guy” is so overplayed BUT DON’T FRET! this isn’t the type of story where the girl “fixes” the guy, or where the guy is an asshole to everyone except the girl. believe me, the character development and relationship development in this story is SPLENDID. there’s no real antagonist. it’s just a bunch of high schoolers trying their best to make themselves and everyone else happy, and that’s hard! the story is carried more by the characters than by the plot, but it works well in this case since the characters are strong and each one has a presence.
5) Surviving Romance (currently 10 chapters)
this one is relatively new compared to my other recs but it’s by the author of the Makeup Remover so yaknow i had to hop on it. BUT IT IS VERY DIFFERENT! first off, it’s a horror, so keep that in mind. the best way i can describe it is a mixture of the standard “girl falls into a story” genre, Groundhog Day, and zombies. Yeah. Bascially, Chaerin is our main girl and she’s in a romance story that’s she’s read a bajillion times, so she knows the day has come for her male lead to confess his love! except he doesn’t! because he becomes a zombie instead! hahaha well that sucks! it’s only got 10 chapters but i am very into it, and it seems to be taking an emphasis on platonic relationships, so i am very closely watching 👁👁
6) The Witch and the Bull (currently 60 chapters)
another witch story! and the art is GORGEOUS. more witch + nonwitch conflict, too! our main dude, Tan, is the royal advisor and he’s hella bigoted against witches. our main girl, Aro, happens to be a witch. and Tan needs her help to make him into a human again (because he got turned into a bull. that is worth mentioning). this is a very barebones summary and there’s a lot more that goes on, but that’s the general gist of the beginning!
ANYWAYS. this got very long, predictably, and i rambled for each title, predictably. i’ve got more that i’m reading, but i really like these 9! i also made comments on the art for a lot of them, which might not matter to some people, but i feel like my art was very impacted by each webtoon i read. if you’re an artist i recommend finding a webtoon you like and studying the art; try implementing parts you like into your own style!
anyways, i am FINALLY done talking. bye yall
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c!fundy but i also want to hear your c!schlatt one
fuck yeah yall r so pog :] !! @axo-fucking-lotls
c!fundy:
-twirls his hair A Lot. increases in frequency when he's lying but it's also just a common stim
-foxes fucking purr so yaknow what? so does fundy. maybe it's more like one of those brr noises that you can do with your lips but it's the same concept
-hand flaps w/ small jumps!! an excited stimmy boy!!!!!!
-i picture fundy with a few bottle cap pins on his jacket so i think he would probably fidget with those when he's nervous, maybe take em off to press his fingertips into the sharper part around the edge?
-spins in circles a lot bc mm tingly arms
-says bonk over and over and over under his breathe bc it Feels Right
-fox tail shimmies. the tail just waggles around, has a mind of its goddamn own
-will chew on anything rubber or plastic til its fucking unidentifiable
c!schlatt:
cw: unintentional self harm mentions bc sometimes that's just How It Is when ur havin a Moment
i feel like i need to preface this by also saying that my "version" of c!schlatt, if you will, is definetly an adhder bc i love to project onto my shitty faves /hj um anyways <3
-rubs his horns (usually only when he's alone tbh) bc mm texture
-shakes his head like a wet fucking dog bc it changes the way things sound and the way ur face/head feels, which he thinks is Epic Fun Times
-chews on his tongue or inside of his cheek when he's thinking
-fiddles with his tie a lot bc it being tight on his neck is a sensory issue but also he is determined to Look Good while being The Worst
-has some like. self destructive (?) stims for when he's having a really hard time, it's usually along the lines of hitting himself on both sides of his face or scratching at his neck until it's all raw :/
-mm echolalia my beloved <3
-gets stuck on very proper words or just the most rancid combination of swears possible and it turns into a stim (ie saying inconsolable over and over again just to turn around and get hooked on the insult slimey fucking leech cunt)
-if he ever heard the word bestie that would be a stim idc idc
-certain voices are stimmy for him too probably?? like ik this is a thing for me and my other adhd friends at least where one of us will say something in a voice and we will all end up using that same voice bc haha funny stim
-^mockingly using nicknames bc it both sounds badass but also it's just oooh the way that rolls off the fuckn tongue babyyyy like it's not exactly the same as The Voices that are stimmy but it's similar enough (if any of this even makes sense lbr)
-cracks his knuckles and neck a lot for the sound and the sound alone
-also whistles a lot!! usually to songs that sound showtuney :]
#shit self#asks#jschlatt#c!jschlatt#c!fundy#fundy#headcanons#dream smp#/dsmp#dsmp#stims#neurodivergent headcanon#spider-shoes#axo-fucking-lotls#jayjay tag 👋#ok 2 rb#bangerz
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i came to request again 🤣, btw can i request minato x fem s/o with baby naruto (baby naruto was 6 months old). it was like family scenarios. thank you 😄
A/N: I got a bit carried away with the last two, I had too much fun. I hope you enjoy them <3 Feel free to request anytime! You’re always welcome on my blog :)
Parenting with Minato
Decorating the nursery (before Naruto is born)
“Babies like colors other than pink and blue yaknow?” You told the lady at the store when she showed you the color swatches from the nursery collection. Minato and you were starting to decorate yours because your due date was almost here. All you needed was a perfect color for the walls, but the ones the lady was showing you were too boring.
“Babe come over here” called Minato a few paces away from you. “I found one you’ll like!” You ran towards him and saw the color he was holding was
“Hokage sama, excuse me but, I don’t think bright orange is an appropriate color for a nursery” said the store attendant.
“It’s perfect! I love it. That’s the one I want, and I’ll bet Naruto will love it too!” You contradicted her.
“Then it’s settled, we’ll be taking this one.” He informed the lady.
You walked out happily with your pots of paint and spent all afternoon listening to music and painting the walls with your husband. The next day he brought home a few plants and placed them under the window of the nursery. You painted little suns and stars all along the walls. Satisfied with your work, you looked around the room and knew, Naruto was going to be the happiest baby here.
Minato and you finally get some sleep
After an evening of crying nonstop and throwing things, food, toys, you name it, you were finally able to put Naruto down for the night. The blond baby looked so angelic while sleeping, however, achieving that was hard with your little monster. You spent an hour on the rocking chair trying to get him to calm down, while Minato finished the household chores you two barely had time to do anymore. When you finally placed Naruto on his crib you quietly got out of the room.
“I think we’re good now” you whispered to your husband.
His face, equally tired as yours, lit up. He immediately dropped everything and went with you to your bedroom. You both fell on the bed between lazy kisses and soft caresses.
“My gorgeous princess, I’ve missed having you to myself”
You two cuddled in bed, trying to get the rest you so desperately needed. Plus, Minato needed it too, he was splitting his time between Hokage duties and dad/husband duties. He was doing amazingly though, you were living a dream.
Cooking for Naruto
“I know it’s not as good as Daddy’s but you have to eat it” you pleaded to your 6 month old baby as if he could understand what you were saying. “He’s running late tonight and you have no choice but to eat my cooking”
It was the fifth time your blond child spit out the applesauce you made him. The worst thing was, you understood him. You couldn’t compete with Minato’s cooking, but he’d been stalled at the Hokage’s office and you had to make dinner for your baby tonight. You’d never thought making baby food would be this hard, all the other moms made it, but honestly you couldn’t get yours to taste good.
You tried and tried to make it, but somehow you always cut your fingers while chopping vegetables, made it too salty, or too sweet, or without enough flavor, or the texture was weird. But Minato, he worked wonders. He made it seem like it was the easiest thing in the world. Chop, blend, cook, done! And it always tasted good. Naruto ate every last bit, but tonight he was stuck with you, his mother who couldn’t cook.
Naruto cried because he was hungry, and it pierced your heart.
“I’m sorry, i’m sorry I can’t cook better.” Giving up, you gave him a few store bought biscuits for babies, so he would at least have something in his little belly. You sat in front of him, and out of nowhere, tears started running down your face.
Then the front door opened and your husband rushed to your side.
“What’s wrong, beautiful?” He asked picking up your baby with one arm and wiping your tears with the other.
He settled on a chair next to you, and held your hand.
“You can tell me”
“It’s just... I-I” you sobbed “I’m a terrible mother”
“Why would you say such a thing? You’re wonderful, you’re the most caring woman I’ve ever met. That’s one of the reasons why I married you, you can’t possibly think you’re a bad mother”
“B-But I can’t even feed my own child” you cried, reaching to hug Minato and Naruto for comfort. “I tried, but I can’t cook. And he’s hungry. I’m such a failure.”
Minato stroked the top of your head
“Y/N, cooking is a skill, you can only get good with practice, and you barely started doing it. Give yourself a chance. I bet you’ll be amazing when he grows up. Besides, you can’t judge your parenting ability by your cooking skills. You’re still an amazing mother. Now take the baby while I cook you both something good, yeah?”
You wiped your tears and nodded with a weak smile.
“I’ve got your back, remember we’re in this together”
The best babysitter
Your husband sat behind his desk drowning with the day’s work, when he heard a knock on the door. Kakashi “Thank you for coming, it’s good to see you. I have an S-Rank mission for you” said Minato to his student. “It’s utterly important that you do it and I can’t trust anyone else ”
“I’ll do my best, sensei” replied Kakashi
“It’s outside of ANBU, so you can take off your mask” Kakashi did as he was told and Minato flashed him a big grin.
“I need you to babysit Naruto tonight. Y/N has been working nonstop with the baby and I’m going to take her out for a date, she deserves it”
Kakashi’s shock was visible, but Minato knew he’d do the job better than anyone.
Kakashi arrived to your home surprisingly early and told you to dress up because Minato would be picking you up in a few moments.
The evening was perfect, simple, yet beautiful, just how you liked it. Your husband took you then to your favorite restaurant, and afterwards you had a romantic walk through Konoha’s calm streets.
“Do you think they’re alright?” You asked Minato.
“I bet they’re doing just fine”
“I don’t want to get home too late, because Kakashi is a kid too and he needs some sleep.”
You’re so thankful that your husband got you out tonight. It had been a while since you had the chance to enjoy yourselves like that. You wrap up your lovely evening an hour later and head home, still a good enough time for a kid to get sleep.
When you arrive, you see the most heartwarming scene. Kakashi has Naruto in his arms and is singing a lullaby to him. You gently take your baby from Kakashi, and place him in his crib. Then you lead Kakashi to your guest room, and force him to sleep too. You know how much he’s been through, but Minato and you have taken it upon yourselves to be the family he so desperately needs.
#naruto fic#naruto#naruto imagines#minato#minato namikaze#minato headcanons#minato fluff#baby naruto#minato x reader#hatakenosharingan
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*stumbles and trips in thru the door*
✨hot tip✨
if youre lazy and/or you cant cook with a stove for whatever variety of reasons but you want ✨tea eggs✨ and dont mind them looking fucked up/using a bastardized method ive just discovered as follows—
1) poach eggs in a microwave, so far my tester used 3 eggs at once for an eyeballed marinade (side note, i technically accidentally overcooked my eggs in this step a little bc haha im a disaster who has a hard time gauging doneness of things it worked out for me personally bc it did have more of that hard boil yolk texture that normally appears in a traditional tea egg, so…neat! basically this is just to tell you not to stress too hard about poaching perfectly lol, feel free to aim for whatever texture youre looking for personally)
2) the marinade was roughly (bc, again, eyeballed everything): 2 lipton black tea bags (im sure other black teas would work perfectly fine here but, cheap lol) brewed in about 20oz of hot water, 3-4 tablespoons soy sauce, a tablespoon of chinese 5 spice powder (i bought some off amazon, morton and basset brand specifically but like, use whichever if you’ve got some yaknow) **
2.5) let the tea steep for a bit first, then just dump all the marinade ingredients into the container ur gonna use for the egg marinating process (tea bags included) — i used one of those quart sized freezer ziploc bags placed in some tupperware — and mixy mix a little
3) dump your poached eggs in the marinade
4) wait for your eggs to take on flavor; i put the whole marinating container into my fridge like 20-30 mins after i initially introduced the eggs to the marinade; i had my first tester nearly 20hrs later and they were definitely infused lol, since ur working with shell-less poached eggs rather than the more traditional cracked boiled eggs the marinating process should theoretically take less time than the norm, HOWEVER there is the caveat that the eggs are not ever boiled a second time in the marinade like is normally customary so idk, i’d say experiment with time a little depending on batch size and stuff, ive only tested this all once so far haha
**note: ive read/seen variations of marinade mixes that people use when they make tea eggs the normal way, it’s really one of those ‘family recipes that have slightly differing parts’ things, so! if youve got some variant ingredient you wanna use then man, go nuts yaknow? my own sister actually reminded me that way back, our mother actually briefly described how she’d do this and her recipe included brown sugar which as you might note i didnt include bc i’d totally forgotten about this so i might try that on a later batch or smth lol; but if youve got no clue where to start like i did, the marinade i used in this tester recipe should serve just fine as a lazy barebones version, mine certainly turned out tasting correct enough so ψ(｀∇ ´)ψ
#tea eggs#but bastardized for convenience#involving#poached eggs#i guess#im in a college dorm and all ive got is a microwave type recipe here lmao#concept brought to us by my sleep deprived 3AM brain#and tested by my 2AM impulses last night#like bro!!! if i was able to make slightly fucked up looking but still delicious tea eggs in that state???!!!#you too can fuck around and achieve greatness here i prommy uwu#so in conclusion: fuck around!!! find out!!! profit!!!#food
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Also I've seen some people complaining about the DP remakes and the Legends Arceus game not looking good when it comes to lighting and textures and the like, but...they're not done yet! There's still a lot of time for them to polish things up! It's just like when they first showed animal crossing nh vs. the final product, yaknow? Give em time to finish things up, I'm sure that things will look a lot better once the games release!
#pokemon direct#pkmn#pokemon#pokemon legends#diamond and pearl remakes#dp remakes#Brilliant Diamond#Shining Pearl#this isn't at anyone in general these are just some common critiques I've seen#which is valid!!! the lighting in some places isn't great and the framerate drop in Legends is not good!#but theres still almost/over a year for these games to come out!#there's time and I have faith and hope that things will look much more polished in the final product
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I hihi I am!!! A little nervous w/ doing this bc I've never done this b4 so please bear🐻 w// me💦
May I request a match up? A vision, a romantic partner and maybe a friend and/or enemy? If that's too much feel free to just assign me a vision + partner, ehe///
Preferably male for a romantic match-up, but either gender is fine with a friend and enemy match-up^^
I tried to be as detailed as possible but I think I ended up just ranting, so im v v sorry if it's long!
I sort of fluctuate when it comes to being an introvert/extroverted. W// strangers and irl, I'm very introverted and shy!! Rarely speak and if I do it's just the usual "Hi how are you? That's good. I'm good too, thank you for asking:)" yeayea I'm not too. Keen on social interaction irl. But I always do my best to be very nice!! I never wanna come off as mean bc wow what a bad first impression that would be.
But with friends / ppl ik online?? Whew I am very very friendly n chatty ^^ Either very high energy or very chill, there's rarely any inbetween. Sometimes I like to jokingly tease my friends but I'd never go too far / make them uncomfortable!! And if I do I always apologize right away!!
I like to say that I'm affectionate?? My strongest love language is def physical affection, if not quality time. Idk man there's just something about vibing with someone or hugging them that just aaaaa///
Although I usually display affection w// words of affection bc. Literally most of my friends are online friends so I can't actually hug them, sad times.
Idk if this is needed/important info but I just remembered: I'm 5'6 around??? Need glasses bc. Whew i am blind (near sighted), I'm poc (specifically black) anndd, hm. Actually I think thats it for this section, aha.
As you can see I'm, not really all that organized. Also I don't have the best attention span - while writing this I'm circling between 4 different apps - and I'm a bit of a mess. And also a little stupid. Just a smidge dumb. But I have my moments - I solved like. 2 puzzles in Inazuma by myself so I think that counts for something.
I also find that I tend to talk a whole lot when I have an idea or smthn to say abt a thing I'm super interested in!! That's info-dumping. I info dump. Yes. I also really like to listen to other people talk abt things they like!!!! Its so nice :)
I'm protective over people I care about!! I've never done it but 100% would bark at someone who messed with someone close to be. Arf arf yaknow.
I tend to he impulsive. I'll do something, and be all "YEAH>:D" and then regret it later. And then I'll do it all over again in a fun little cycle :)
I consider myself an optimist, but quickly turn into a pessimist whenever it concerns myself. Fun funfun.
Should probably mention that I am. A very insecure person w/ dangerously low self esteem, which is super fun esp when you mix that with the fact that I'm rarely ever motivated to improve. Yayayay
Also sort of a pushover?? Like most often than not I'll be convinced to do something, even if I'm not too keen on doing it. Also afraid of confrontation when it comes to my friends and strangers (that is, if it's concerning me!! I'll order smthn for my friend but if I need to order for myself?? uhh stutter time aha).
I'm also a mega simp ahah! Srsly though if I fall for someone/get infatuated with someone I. Will be so obvious abt it even though I try very hard not to be. Would gush over that person probably.
I don't really like mean people tbh. Like yes I'll be nice and civil with them but!!! I cannot stand!!! Rude people!!! Esp when they're mean for no reason like sir??? maam??? homie??? chill pls ty<3
People who aren't necessarily mean, but moreso have bastard energy and are just really "hehe>:D" but playfully are p poggers tho!!!
I think I get along with kids!! I have a little sister,, around like. Nine? And we get along really well!! I also try and match a kid's energy whenever I'm tasked with looking after them. I take pride in the fact that kids like me >:].... even if they sometimes scare me--
Ok, interest time!!
I like art!! Quite a bit!! Less of a realistic artist and more of a cartoonist!! Idk there's just something fun abt drawing cartoons, hehe. I also like self ships - I have quite a bit of them, actually ! Idk its comforting drawings your fictional crushes loving you idkidk.
I like writing too! Both original stories, and one-shots or personal fics that are associated with already created media!! Writing character backstories and personalities and stuff is also fun too! I've even made my own fictional world with a full fledged backstory n everything! It's very fun to think about.
I'm a day dreamer!!! Yea remember when I said I write stories? I day dream abt potential stories even more. Mmm daydream world so nice so warm so fun
I read aswell!! Mostly fantasy books, or stories where animals are the protagonists. Think Warrior Cats. But my favorite book series has got to be Guardians of Ga'Hoole. Fantasy owl books, anyway!
X Readers are also things I enjoy reading :) Again, s I m p
Also gaming!!! Is something fun I do sometimes!!! Although it's usually Genshin Impact, or Wii Sports/Resort w// my little sister. Oh, also pokemon! I rlly like Primarina, Vaporeon, Sylveon and Vulpix/Ninetails!
I absolutely adore sweet foods, and baking is smthn I'm def interested in! Don't like foods w// weird textures though, like beans or mashed potatoes.
Also I. Love spice so much. Mmm love it when my mouth burns so bad.
Don't have a favorite animal but I've had three cats in my lifetime (btw not important but my current cat is named Sylvester and. He's my baby boy) so I am. A very big cat fan.
Probably not needed but I really like sword and claymore characters. Literally all of the characters I main are either sword or claymore users. Although I did get Diona, so I miiight start forcing myself to learn how to aimmm.
I see that I tend to like people/characters that are a little more extroverted than me. Upbeat, happy type beat!!! Nice sunshine babies, :)
I think thats it! I hope this was good enough? Again, first time doing this (at 2am nonetheless) so forgive me if I got too rambly or did anything wrong ^^ Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this! And I hope your day is good / you had a good day, depending on when you read this, ehe!
Hey! Sorry if the wait has been long!
I also love Warrior Cats (I promise myself, one day I'll finish it.)
You received... A Pyro vision!
Optimistic, enthusiastic, impulsive, reckless, and a lot of energy are the general characteristics held by the Pyro vision.
• I hesitated between the Pyro and Hydro vision, but your energy distinguishes you from the Hydro vision.
• You said you were impulsive, always doing something you might regret later but still doing it.
• You react quickly: as you said, if somebody hurt someone you love, you won't think twice before barking.
Your partner would be... Xingqiu!
“This feeling was unexpected.”
• At first, you were just friends, and Xingqiu really loved to tease you. Actually, you both teased each other. But eventually, a feeling of love towards you grew into Xingqiu.
And that was reciprocated.
• Your relationship is filled with teases, jokes, and good/funny moments where you mostly share what you commonly appreciate.
• He also knows when to get serious: for example, he does everything to support you during your moments of struggle concerning your self-esteem.
Your friend would be... Childe!
“Luckily, I'm here!”
• You two also share funny moments, especially during situations where your “stupidity” is overtaken by his insight.
• Sometimes, he finds you cute.
• He likes the fact that you get along well with kids. It leads you to great moments with him and his siblings.
• You're quite the opposite in terms of self-esteem. I think it's a good thing because it makes you complementary.
Your enemy would be... Albedo!
A misunderstanding.
• You wouldn't hate each other, but I think Albedo wouldn't like the way you use your energy, and when you're more in a chill mood (meaning you're more available for him to talk), he could get pissed at how much times he'd have to repeat himself for you to understand something.
• He's very patient, but he understood quickly that his interests would maybe not be within your reach.
• You would just be too different.
Worth to mention
• You and Venti are like drama queens in Mondstadt. You are good friends.
But you both know that you can't be more, as it would eventually both drag you down (because of similar problems).
• Klee is also your best friend: both of you share decisions that you definitely will regret later.
Or maybe not.
• Hu tao and you are kinds of silently competing over who's the best tease, and she beats you.
My goal is definitely not achieved. I hope I can catch up tomorrow.
And don't worry, it was surprisingly good for a first description!
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some val nonsense
since yaknow this man is mostly just vague sketches and me calling him an idiot in the tags, rather than a fleshed-out human being. some uh. not game-specific proof, i guess.
idk where the post these questions came from... is? i'll find it and link it later, if i remember.
aptitude
1. what are your ocs natural abilities, things they've been doing since they were young?
reading people - he's hyper-aware of what is expected of him in any situation, can and will play whatever part is asked of him if he's feelin it in that moment. no longer feels like he must fulfill any role, but the ability formed from habit is still there in the background.
also very good at appearing busy.
2. what activities have they participated in?
debate, in school.
3. what abilities do they have that they've worked for?
efficient ghost-writer. can and will (to disastrous effect) mimic voices in writing like a motherfucker.
excellent - trained - poker face.
4. what things are they bad at?
most anything requiring physical endurance. his aim's not great for someone equipped with a firearm. genuinely bad depth perception, which isn't his fault but DOES affect his ability to turn corners efficiently when he's in a hurry.
5. what is their most impressive talent?
bullshitting. can and will lie through his teeth if it will make his life or even just day the slightest bit easier.
basics
1. what is their hair color?
mousey brown, curly and unkempt. absolutely in his eyes at all times.
2. what is their eye color?
hazel
3. how tall are they?
5'8"
4. how old are they?
28
5. how much do they weigh?
150ish - willowy build
comfort
1. how do they sit in a chair?
casually, in public. legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle or one crossed over the other at the ankle or knee. privately, like a pretzel. if he's comfortable around you he's gonna sit like an idiot - legs draped over the arm of a chair or tucked up under him.
2. in what position do they sleep?
curled in a ball, knees to chest. v vulnerable, v bad for his back.
3. what is their ideal comfort day?
just sleepin. maybe reading, maybe a lil questionable background music. maybe MAYBE baking bread, which takes time he doesn't usually have but is something he enjoys.
4. what is their major comfort food? why?
tea isn't food, but it's in having time to make it properly and then having time to sit and drink it that's comfort more than the thing itself.
5. who is the best at comforting them when down?
loaded question - he can be distracted, sure, but comfort isn't really something he's equipped to accept from anyone, even someone he's ostensibly close to. not gonna confront whatever has him upset in a meaningful way, so the comfort is equally meaningless because he's convinced himself he doesn't need it.
decoration
1. how would they decorate their house?
comfortably - textured fabrics in layers, as much natural light when possible, muted artificial light. hardy plants (doesn't have the time for difficult ones) and jewel tones. warm but impersonal - some art, mostly indistinct modern pieces. no photos.
2. how would they decorate their child's room?
he has no interest or plans to have children, and wouldn't consider it.
3. how do they decorate their own room?
it's just a bed. not where he spends the most time, so it's not especially personal. queen-sized bed because he doesn't like to feel lost in it. fluffy comforter + knit and crocheted things for texture variation. three pillows. blackout curtains because he used to be unable to sleep if there was any light, but he's started to struggle with absolute darkness as well so they're usually open.
4. what types of clothes or accessories do they wear?
layers. big fan of loose jackets or cardigans over simple shirts in subdued colors. straight-legged slacks or skinny jeans. he's got one pair of leather brogues that he spent way too much money on like ten years ago. his glasses are understated - narrow silver half-frames. he's recently added a glasses chain to his repertoire, because losing those motherfuckers is a real bitch.
5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?
not especially.
external personality
1. does the way they do things reflect their internal personality?
more than he cares to admit. not quite as stoic as he thinks he his, but you're not gonna hear him admit to experiencing an emotion in a thousand years.
2.do they do things that conform to the norm?
it’s easier that way, but a mother fucker is also stubborn. if he stops feeling like rolling easy you’re gonna know about it.
3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?
he’s not particularly interested in trends such that he’s not gonna be aware that he’s picking up on visual styles that are happening around him, however he does instinctively blend in.
4. are they up-to-date on internet fads?
he’s seen the memes, but does not say them out loud. he’s got like. very few principles, but he’s got principles.
5. do they portray their personality or let people figure it out on their own?
ya boi is just a stack of masks. masks on masks on masks on masks.
fun
1. what do they do for fun?
what in the fuck actually is fun? not sure. maybe open to finding out, though.
2. what is their ideal party?
booze, music, rooms full of people he doesn’t know and can get lost in.
3. who would they have the most fun with?
frankly, folk he doesn’t know and doesn’t expect to know - no expectations, the freedom to behave however the fuck he feels like behaving, with temporary consequences.
4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?
sure? does he? probably not.
5. do they go out a lot?
eh. going out in a small community means a familiarity he’s not real comfortable with.
gorgeous
1. what is their most attractive external feature?
his eyes are v pretty, even though they don’t work. rare laugh lights up his whole face.
2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?
determined (sometimes beyond reason); surprisingly compassionate.
3. what benefits come with being their friend?
ride or die. will blackmail a motherfucker for you in a heartbeat.
4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?
very skeptical of his own motivations - he trusts himself as much as he trusts anyone else, so not at all.
5. what parts of others do they envy?
ease in relationships
heat
1. do they prefer a hot or cold room?
cold
2. do they prefer summer or winter?
winter
3. do they like the snow?
he’s only seen it once, and it was mostly gross and dirty. very much likes the idea of snow.
4. do they have a favorite summer activity?
walking is good - you won’t get him in a car in the summer if he can help it. in uni he played a lot of frisbee.
5. do they have a favorite winter activity?
does wearing big sweaters count as a winter activity? walking while carrying tea.
in the closet
1. what is their sexuality?
bi
2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?
thought he might be strictly gay for a bit; isn’t.
3. have they ever questioned their gender?
no.
4. would/was their family okay with them coming out?
he straight-up has no idea, the conversation hasn’t and, probably won’t, happen.
5. how long did it take for them to come out?
university; there wasn’t much dating before that so he never felt it necessary.
joy
1, what makes them happy?
rain, loose-leaf tea, watching other people enjoy themselves, when someone he doesn’t care for has to change their behavior as a direct result of his petty bullshit.
2. who makes them happy?
people who listen to him for his own merits, lil kid shenanigans.
3. are there any songs that bring them joy?
if it’s a bop he’s down.
4. are they happy often?
he’s not unhappy often?
5. what brings them the most joy in the world?
ten hours of uninterrupted sleep.
kill
1. have they ever thought about suicide?
when he was very young - would tell you he only ever considered it out of spite, but he was also very lonely and confused and afraid and had no real help parsing a world that felt like it was out to get him, personally. that’s a lot on a kid, or anyone.
2. have they ever thought about homicide?
academically, sure - practically couldn’t actually bring himself to do it.
3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?
probably he’s a little afraid that he could kill someone without consequences, and he’s deeply uncomfortable with that.
4. who would miss them, if they died?
his mother would miss the idea of him, which he feels hardly counts. colleagues - he’s easy to work with and mysteriously well-liked for kind of being a little shit.
5. who would be happy if he died?
... possibly the mayor.
lemons
1. what is their favorite fruit?
nectarines, pomegranates - inexplicably fruit you have to work for.
2. what is their least favorite fruit?
bananas. texture b a d.
3. are there any foods they hate?
anything textured like a banana.
4. do they have any food intolerances?
not that he knows
5. what is their favorite food?
fried egg and cheese on the flakiest fucking croissant.
maternal
1. would they want a daughter or a son?
no children at all, thank you very much.
2. how many children do they want?
none.
3. would they be a good parent?
no. mostly because he would be absolutely paralyzed by the prospect of ruining a child’s life. if he could pull his head out of his ass long enough to get over the fear, maybe. knows enough of what it means to be a bad parent that he’d do the most possible to Not Be That Thing.
4. what would they name a son? daughter?
moot point.
5. would they adopt?
no.
never have i ever
1. what would they never do?
never is a permanent sort of word he prefers not to use. however. forgiving his mothing in a meaningful sort of way is pretty far down the list of things he’s interested in doing.
2. what have they never done that they want to do?
just fuckin. disappear into the aether, no forwarding address. can’t be controlled if the controllers can’t find you.
3. is there anything they can’t believe people do?
trust implicitly.
4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?
can’t be embarrassed in you don’t give a shit. he is, however, starting to give a shit, and THAT’S embarrassing as fuck.
5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?
the uh. policing side of law enforcement wasn’t really on his radar until he was forced into it.
optimism
1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?
neither, particularly. tends to take things as they come, ‘cause they’re gonna come one way or another.
2. are they openly optimistic, thrusting it on others?
no.
3. are they good at giving advice?
he’s good at sounding like he’s giving good advice. take it with a grain of salt.
4. is there anyone in their life that throws their optimism on them?
too many, probably, but he’s not fussed.
5. were they always optimistic?
as a child the world felt very unsafe, unsure, and hostile, so he learned not to trust before he learned that not everything was out to get him.
personality
1. what is their best personality trait?
adaptability; it’s not that he adjusts to adapt to the world so much as he’s so skilled at code-shifting in any situation that even drastic change is just one more step - maybe forward, maybe sideways, but as long as you’re still standing and moving it’s fine.
2. what is their worst personality trait?
can he adjust to any situation in a way that benefits him? yes. does he? often, no. one stubborn, petty bitch, and often in ways you won’t realize until they crop up later to bite you in the ass.
3. what of their personality do others love?
capacity for unexpected empathy and compassion.
4. what of their personality do others envy?
being unmoved by a world that seems determined to kick his ass on the regular. whether that’s stubbornness or determination or actually a weird twisted sort of optimism, outwardly he appears resilient af.
5. do they hate anything about their/others’ personalities?
quite frustrated by folk who use their/other’s positions to get out of the consequences of their actions - irony certainly not lost on him.
questions
1. do they ask for help?
no. very much to his detriment.
2. do they ask questions in class?
yes, might as well take advantage of expertise while you’ve got the opportunity.
3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?
nah. took like eight levels in deflection.
4. do they ask weird questions?
if it feels necessary.
5. are they curious?
not especially. takes everything at face value, because digging tends to get you nothing but trouble.
rules
1. do they follow rules?
ish. when not doing so will hurt someone he gives half a shit about. otherwise the rules are pretty bendy.
2. would they e a strict or laid-back parent?
laid-back. couldn’t imagine imposing order on a tiny agent of chaos when he’s at best an average-sized agent of chaos.
3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking the rules?
their entire life is currently the consequence of (mostly academic) rule-breaking.
4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?
only personal rules. mixing your business relationship with your personal relationships probably not the best. regret, yes, but whether he’s learned from his mistakes is another thing entirely. (he has not.)
5. do they find any rules they/others follow ridiculous?
most of them, frankly.
streets
1. are they street-smart?
yes. he wasn’t like a big-time criminal, but he flew under the radar for a stupidly long time for someone as public about plagiarism (... and drug sales) as he was.
2. would they give money to someone on the streets?
sure
3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?
not on purpose, but you know. shit happens when you have a big mouth and little to no self-preservation.
4. has anything happened to them on the streets?
apart from getting kicked in alleys behind clubs a few times, not really.
5. are they cautious when out?
more than he used to be, for sure.
truth
1. are they honest?
when it benefits him.
2. can they tell when someone is lying?
takes one to know one, and he spends a fair amount of time lying through his teeth. can have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to people he likes, though, less in that he can’t tell when they’re lying and more that he thinks he’s not that hurt by it because he expects everyone to lie. if he genuinely cares for someone, though, he doesn’t guard against it.
3. is it obvious when he’s lying?
depends on who he’s lying to and what he’s lying about. lies constantly, but if he really cares about something his poker face dies and goes straight to hell.
4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?
no. shit happens and regret gets you nowhere.
5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?
almost went to prison for it.
underdog
1. have they been bullied?
yes. he was a shy, under-socialized child, and an easy target til he got wise. and petty. very quickly developed thick skin and a bit of a nasty, stubborn streak when it comes to folk who are cruel just for the sake of being cruel.
2. have they bullied anyone?
prone to bullying bullies.
3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?
he’s mouthy, and not great at shutting up. so yes.
4. have they ever been doubted?
for good reason. tendency toward unscrupulous behavior - mostly when it comes to risking himself, but no man’s an island etc. possibly too smart for his own good.
5. have they surprised people with being good at something?
police work, and literally everyone is a bit shocked by this fact.
vomit
1. do they vomit often?
only if he’s drinking. if he drinks at all he gets smashed - not because he’s a lightweight, but because he has very little self-control. like. blackout drunk, wakes up in a bathroom somewhere (ideally his, sometimes just a bar somewhere) with his head in a toilet. otherwise not if at all possible.
2. do they get a lot of stomach aches?
stress makes him nauseous, but otherwise not particularly.
3. are they good at comforting someone ill?
no. mysteriously he’s much better with emotional comfort - he’s the kind of person who will be ill sympathetically.
4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?
touch, company, but on god do n o t ask him how he’s feeling.
water
1. do they drink enough water?
probably not - when he remembers. he does not remember.
2. have they learned to swim?
enough that he probably wouldn’t drown if he fell in a lake. no guarantees in sketchy water, though.
3. do they like to swim?
enjoys the sensation of floating. eyes closed, listening to his heart beat in his ears, just feeling the weight of his blood forging through his body. active swimming, though, not so much.
4. can they dive?
yes - has good form for someone who doesn’t spend that much time in the water.
5. can they swim without holding their nose?
yes
xylophone
1. what is their favorite genre of music?
he’s one of those people who can (and will) listen to anything - one-hundred percent will listen to genuinely bad music out of spite if and when someone gives him shit about something he’s listening to on accident. will just listen to the radio, or put all of his music on shuffle and go.
2. do they have a favorite song?
no, but if pressed will list the first abba song he can think of off the top of his head.
3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?
no
4. can they sing well?
can carry a tune and doesn’t have a bad voice, but he’s definitely prone to singing badly to make a point.
5. can they rap?
god no.
zebra
1. what’s their favorite animal?
aesthetically, snakes. practically animals are weird and confusing and if he were ever confronted by an actual snake he may very well climb the nearest wall.
2. do they like animals?
in theory, sure. in practice? what is this? what is it doing? should not be trusted with your pets for extended periods of time. comfortable around cats and most dogs, but if an animal is unpredictable it’ll make him nervous.
3. cats or dogs?
probably cats, but it’s a lot of staring uncomfortably.
4. what’s their dream pet?
maybe a fish. a few lil schooling mofos, but he doesn’t really have the time or the patience or the fortitude? to regularly care for a tank.
5. do they have any pets at the moment?
no
#give me the opportunity i WILL make a dumbass#i will!#valentine langford#this is mostly pre-book one val#w some vague references#ok i can finish commissions now#i TYPED#... where'd y go#farewell y i never knew u#oh i was gonna slap some art on this wasn't i#oh well
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