"I figured hey, if I'm here, I might as well be honest with myself. So I dug into the archives. And I found teenage Dan. Do you remember HELLO INTERNET? There I was, eighteen years old, your average caucasian British boy with your problematic vocabulary, just wanting so desperately to be liked. I then saw myself age twenty, as a student. Not that I was actually studying anything other than the male anatomy. I had no plan. No prospects. I was in desperate need of a haircut. Jesus Christ. No, look, that was not a hairstyle. It was geometry. My hair was a square. I then saw myself age twenty-two as an adult, just trying to make my way in the world, taking any job that I could, no matter how inauthentic or degrading. And look. I don't hate these past versions of myself, alright? Apart from the square one, it can get in the fucking bin. Mainly, I just feel sorry that it took them so long to work out who they are. I then stumbled across the video titled Existential Crisis. In which I utter the optimistic nihilistic epithet: 'embrace the void and have the courage to exist'. Embrace the void and have the courage to exist. It sounded nice when I said it but for some reason it just didn't hit. I had accepted the absurdity of the world but at that time, I hadn't accepted myself. Looking back at it, it finally clicked. Anyone who has suffered with depression or any kind of trauma that seriously affects your self-worth hopes that one day you're going to have this sudden revelation and then everything is fine. I had my revelation alright. I am unapologetically gay! Don't know if you hadn't picked up on that, so far in the show. But just having this revelation did not immediately fix all of my problems, because I still feel that inherent burnt-on brand that I am wrong. And that doesn't just go away. No, I know what my problem is, alright. My problem I am always living for the future. Every day I am thinking about this dream future where all of my dreams have come true and all of my problem have gone and everything's fine. And so, every day in the present of my life can be this joyless unrelenting grind towards that future. But it's okay. It's going to come any day now, right? Learning to look yourself in the mirror and being honest about what you've been through and keep living in spite of that can be hard. It takes a long time and a relentless persistent resistance against the way that you've been trained to feel by the world. But that doesn't just mean you should give up. Because, sure, sometimes in life, you may feel trapped. I felt trapped by my sexuality. You could feel trapped by your culture or your community. Hell, you could be literally trapped in an elevator but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to get out. 'cause, sure, when I look at the state of the world, I am very tempted to just go: You know what - we're all doomed. But that isn't courageous. That is cowardly. It's the easy way out. Even if it is, as I hope you'd all agree, a really fucking cool name for a show. So that's the thing. You can either say to yourself, every day is just a discontent emoji or you can find the courage to force your inner smiling cowboy hat, ye-motherfucking-haw! And just try to find in everyday life. Which is why I made this show. So I'm not living in the future but I'm just right here, right now, with you, just trying to have one good night. And look. Hey. Who knows, huh? We may all be doomed. Death may be inevitable. But first, we get to live. Life might at times be a struggle but just being here, to put one foot in front of the other every day is living. So please, do not let the doom drag you down. You are important. You matter. Please, stay hopeful for the future. Appreciate life. Embrace the void and have the courage to exist." - Dan Howell, closing monologue of his show "we're all doomed" (2022-2024)

Please dont tag as kin!!

The kiddos <3

“we think the legal age for weed should be 25 because that’s when the brain stops developing and also because weed is linked to some people developing schizophrenia”

look I am not someone who thinks cannabis is some panacea but holy fucking shit. one, that is Not How Brain Development Works and two, the relationship between cannabis use and schizophrenia is more complex than “if you smoke weed you will develop schizophrenia.” (The linked article, which is pretty anti-cannabis, states several times that while cannabis use can cause psychosis – which is different than schizophrenia – in some people, development of schizophrenia has a lot to do with other factors, like genetics, besides just “did you smoke weed?” We know that cannabis use is correlated with higher likelihood of developing schizophrenia, but that does not mean cannabis usage causes schizophrenia.)

also I think that if you are saying this shit in a ***policy/legislation position*** you need to show more proof and explain the complexity better than just spouting pseudoscience (the brain development thing) or oversimplifying a very complex topic (the “cannabis is linked to development of schizophrenia” thing). but what would I, a person with a public health background who does policy research as part of my job, know about that? after all, I’m just a crazy schizophrenic person with a schizophrenia-spectrum disorder so clearly anything I say on the issue is ill-informed and a sign I don’t have perspective on my illness! (\heavy sarcasm)

I love it when my mutuals add things in the tags when they reblog from me. My parasocial monkey brain just goes Yes Hello We Are Communicating : ) and then my depressed psyche converts that into social sustenance to get me through the whole winter so i dont have to do the great and terrible thing of actually getting back to people irl

Did I throw up today? Yes

Did I still get that mf WEED though?? Also yes so in the end, W

Jet inna' box, jet inna' box!

They're readin'! do not disturb!!

I've seen the rise, the fall and the rebirth of DanAndPhilGAMES. Honestly, I cannot believe we have arrived at this day and they obviously had to announce it in the most exaggerated and hilarious way. It's so them, and I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that we're going to get gaming videos by Dan and Phil post coming out.

I had just started watching Dan and Phil properly in the summer of 2014 and just a couple of months later, the very first video on the gaming channel dropped. Since then, the regular gaming channel videos have been such a huge comfort for me and so many others. Then came the hiatus, an indefinitely decision that caught the channel in limbo. It's made sense, in many ways leaving 2018 and entering 2019 spelled an important shift for the boys.

They retired several of their old projects, even pinof, and started to separate the entity of "Dan and Phil" and as such the gaming channel also had to go. I was gutted to see it go, but I trusted the boys were doing what they needed. And in the years that's followed, I've kept a small hope that it was never quite dead until they definitively said so. Hell, Phil had recently mentioned checking to see if Dil on the Sims save was okay, and we knew they still had that cursed Dil Howlter head from TATINOF somewhere in their nostalgia pile.

Today they used that very papier-mâché head again. The motherfucker rose from the grave and called the boys daddies, which honestly had me pausing and just doubling over in laughter at their horrified faces. And let's not even talk about the tweet an hour before the video cordially inviting us, as if it was a fucking wedding we were about to attend!

Dan and Phil are nothing if not extra, and I love them so much for it. It's been over nine years that I've followed along with their content and lives, and tonight just proved that I will never be dragged from the phandom. The instant surge of excitement, anticipation and a little dread upon seeing the invitation tweet and the video thumbnail still got me like I got into the boys yesterday. It's still so palpable in my chest even now, and I cannot stop smiling.

The gaming channel is and has always been full of comfort content for me. Dan and Phil know it too. They put it in the video, they put it in the video description, and just the way they handled this whole announcement all radiates that they're so aware of it. They know we've been here, waiting patiently, until they were ready to come back to it.

I would have accepted it if they had really decided to kill the channel, but man, oh man, I am delighted that it instead has come back from the grave. Risen with static flutter and a menacing Sims character who's story isn't quite over yet.

We get to have the regular banter back, but now with no filter at all. They don't have to conceal parts of themselves that they weren't ready to share, even if the gaming channel always felt more open and intimate.

I am extremely ready to parasocially see two domestic nerds laugh, bicker, scream and make questionable noises. I just know I will be right there besides them. Thank you to Dan and Phil for bringing back our comfort channel. It's a gift and we won't forget it.

my god hes straight chillin

.

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt

I have been making up stories since I was a little kid, and soon it’ll have been nine years that I’ve been writing and posting fic online. In the last three years or so, I’ve been part of an online space full of writers who turned into dear friends.

It is not something I could ever have envisioned. For a while I couldn’t even grasp how people could make online friends in fandom, and now I’ve found myself with a whole hoard of them, many of whom are writers. I have an online space where I go daily to write and hang out.

Writing and fic is such a big part of my life. The fact that I now have people I can talk about it with, and for them to just understand feels like a true gift. I am not forced to explain how it all works and why I spend so much time writing, or what is so magical about it. They just get it.

We can discuss our favourite fanfic sites and features - no surprise that we’re all hoes for AO3 - and our favourite tropes to read and write, despite being in so many different fandoms that I have genuinely lost track. Of course, we share fandoms too, it is inevitable and we’ve definitely influenced each other, but it is never a requirement.

The core parts of the writing experience is universal, even though we have many different ways to go about it. Just now we were talking about editing our own works before posting, and we’ve got as many different approaches to it as we have people. Some write and go back and do very minimal - or even no - editing. Some can spend hours looking just at a few thousand words and fiddling with them to get them right.

Neither approach is more right than the other. It’s all about preferences and we are always supportive of each other. In the end, it is a celebration of the creation. Whether that is hammering out the words, almost too fast for the keys to register it, or to sit and watch the cursor blink while carefully typing out word after word. It could be under-edited, or over-edited, but that doesn’t matter.

I love hearing about how they write, and sharing my own thoughts about writing. We can exchange experiences and tips and just chat about something we love so much. Writing itself, sitting down and pressing the keys on a keyboard is a solitary activity. It’s just you, your brain and the words. But everything around it can be supported by community, and fuel you forward.

The beauty of writing for fun with your friends and to share with people in your fandom is that there are absolutely no rules. Fic is a sandbox with every tool sitting along the ledge. You can pick and use what you like. Or you can simply knock them all down and bury your fingers in the sand. Build whatever you like.

It is such a cool act of creation, and explosion of creativity. It is so fun to be able to sit down side by side and play around in the sandcastles you build.

take some time to care for yourself. youre hurting rn, so take any and all time to yourself you need. dont be afraid to reach out, and try not to isolate yourself if it can be avoided. take care, sending my best

I wasn't expecting such a sweet ask but thank you anon that means a lot 😭❤️

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."