god forgive me
♡ sub!kaeya, fucking surprise
♡cw: alcohol, god!reader, u are the anemo archon, gn reader, penetrative sex but no parts mentioned on either end, sort of dacryphilia, general cosmic knowledge bullshit
♡a/n: what am i doing. someone take this man away from me
“I think you’ve had a bit too much,” comes a flirtatious voice behind you. Though the first floor of the tavern is always crowded and cheerful, the second stays quiet enough for you to recognize the voice’s owner.
“What makes you say that?” you reply without turning around. The answer was obvious– empty glasses litter the table you’d claimed in the dim corner– but Kaeya wasn’t one for small talk. No, if he’d gone out of his way to find you, there was a more important reason.
Gloved hands press into the faded wood next to you, along with a glass that smells of Death After Noon, as the Captain leans over the table. “Rough day, was it?”
“I didn’t know you cared.”
“Is it so astonishing that I’d care for my God?”
Your hands playing with the splintering wood of the table stilled. There had always been cityfolk that knew your secret, but not many had so shamelessly flaunted their knowledge. It would seem fitting of the Spymaster to keep you on your toes. It wouldn’t be right, though, you decide, to let someone so brazen play games with a god.
“I didn’t take you for the type,” you answer measuredly, turning to meet his eye. “But then, I didn’t think I’d mentioned who I was to you before. Perhaps I’ve just scratched the surface in my perception of you.”
And perhaps the human drink has finally reached your brain, you think, as his visible eye glitters at your words. “Let’s get you home,” are the words that fall from his lips, neatly avoiding your implications. Fitting of the Knights, so good at backing out of impossible corners.
Your thoughts almost distract you from his next question.
“Where do you stay?”
You smile and lean in close, close enough Kaeya can hear you over the music and laughter of the tavern when you speak. “I don’t stay. I move where the winds lead me. And tonight, they’ve led me to you.”
He watches you, always so critical, as you lift his Death After Noon to your lips and let the sweet wine slide down your throat.
“Are you sure?” he asks, almost surprised. The wine hits your blood but does nothing to dull your mind. So difficult, to get drunk on the spirits of mortals. But there are other ways, you reason, to intoxicate oneself. And a new door just opened.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You don’t have any sense of danger? No regard for your safety?”
You shift slowly, leaning in towards the Captain. “You overestimate yourself,” you murmur, slow and sure. “Do you think you know more than me? Do you think I haven’t watched over you since you stumbled into my land? Do you think you would have thrived here without my blessing?”
You move closer, close enough that your lips brush against his ear when you say, “Do you think I don’t know you better than you know yourself?”
Kaeya freezes for a minute, but manages to maintain his façade. “If we’re to continue this conversation, it should be when you’re sober,” he relents.
“Such kindness,” you reply. So much this mortal didn’t know, so much he thought he did. You decide to keep to yourself that the wine had nothing to do with your disposition.
The scenes of the tavern and the streets blur as calloused hands guide you outside and into the night. You smile to yourself quietly– you hadn’t even had to ask– as the lights of the townhouses come into view.
The first thing you notice is that the decoration is sparse. A boy from two broken families would want less to miss, but the reality of it brings you to your senses. The music and blurriness of the city fall away to the quiet understatedness of the apartment.
Wordlessly, you remove your shoes and cross the room to wrap your arms around the Captain’s slender waist from behind.
“Poor lonely boy,” you whisper to him, your voice deep and rasping. “So underappreciated, so hopelessly unaware of the love this city feels for you.” Your grip tightens, sliding down over his hips. “Let me show you how much Mondstadt loves you.”
“You’re Mondstadt itself, are you?” comes his reply, breathless and questioning. Kaeya turns in your hands, tracing the softly glowing veins of your arms from elbow to wrist. The new orientation allows for you to let your fingertips wander, closer to where you wanted them.
“Yes,” is your simple answer. “The city, the lands, the people. I thought you knew.”
His back arches into you at the command of a wandering hand.
“I know your value to my people,” you continue, other hand tugging at his bottom lip, admiring its fullness. “I know what you deserve, outlander. You have the blessing of the Anemo Archon, is that not enough for you?
His stunned silence keeps you talking– you’ve never seen the Cavalry Captain speechless before. “Few can say they’ve caught the attention of a god. Some might consider themselves honored. Some might praise and worship me. But I like you best because you wouldn’t do any of that at all.” You brush a stray lock of hair out of his face carefully. “Beautiful little thing, let me show you how wanted you are.”
“You’re awfully confident,” comes his reply, deliberate as he brings your hand on his face to his lips, sucking at the worn, scarred flesh.
The time between the exchange at the front door and arriving in bed seems nonexistent. You hover over the mortal, veins thrumming with magic as you move to rid him of his clothes.
His submission catches you off guard, however, when he melts into your touch, letting his eye flutter shut as your fingers swiftly work open the laces of his corset and belt with an adept familiarity, as if you had put them on the Captain yourself. When the buttons of his shirt come undone, you busy yourself with his chest, and when you finally manage to peel his tight pants down his thighs, your teeth sink into the soft brown skin of his stomach.
Desperate hips rock against your chin, looking for friction. When your exploring touch finds his tight rim, you hear a barely muffled gasp from above you. That’s what I’m looking for.
“Do you have anything to help with this?” you mumble against his skin, biting back a laugh when he clenches tighter at the sound of your voice.
“Bedside table”, he answers, desperately trying to hide the shakiness of his voice. You fish in the drawer until you draw up an oil, one you first remember being used for this purpose hundreds of years ago. You push the Knight’s knees apart.
“Just like that,” you murmur, pouring the shining golden liquid over your fingers. Before the excess can spill over your palms, you press it into him, deliberate and unceremoniously. Try as you might, your eyes never stray from between his thighs as you coax your toying fingers deeper. Deft and smooth as ever, you spread him open before your prying, all-seeing eyes, as if to peel away all his secrets with the display.
Kaeya’s sweet moans brought your attention back to the present, the present where you were feeling and human and vulnerable, where another ached just out of reach of your fingertips. The present, the reality, where you could realize how much you needed to be inside the mortal crying out and stuffed full of your digits as soon as possible.
The show of his hole spreading and twitching for you almost distracted your focus enough to forget your intentions. Almost, but not quite. You stare into his bottomless, starry eye as you slide into him.
Settling your hands around the halo of blue hair, you rolled your hips forward, tender and forgiving. “I love you,” you whisper as you feel his body tremble under yours.
“You’re d-drunk,” he accuses, gasping in time with your soft thrusts. “D-don’t say things like that unless you mean it.”
Your reply comes easily. “You think I don’t?” Your lips graze the soft incline of his cheekbones. “I speak for my city. I speak for my land and all of its people. I am the wind and sky, the lifeblood of the land.”
“I love you, Kaeya.”
“Ahhhh!”
“We are your home. We love you.”
“Don’t say that, I told you–”
“I am your home. I love you.”
It had been so, so long since anyone had told Kaeya that he was loved.
The cruel emotional overstimulation you insisted on putting him through makes tears shine in his eye; that unknowable, sparkling eye. It also makes him tighten around you again.
As Kaeya’s lips part in protest, you press his knees back against his chest and drive yourself in further, reaching down to draw his lips to yours. “I love you,” you repeat, quieter against his lips before tugging his lip into your teeth. You pretend not to notice the tears that wet your cheek.
Kaeya’s fingers dig into your back, pushing you deeper, closer, as if all he wanted was to end up in a world where only you would tell him he was loved, over and over, until he could understand. The sound of his orgasm is carried on the melody of a wordless sob. His tears stream down his face in rivers now, and you lick them off his face one by one, buried deep inside as he clings to you tightly.
Well done, you think to yourself, as the Knight shakes and sobs at your mercy. What better way to welcome a mortal home than to show him his god’s love firsthand?
—nawt betad bc i don’t have one still.
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thanks @introvertedkeni for the tag! you know better than anyone that i'm horrible at checking notifications lol
favorite color:
currently reading: nothing 😫😫 i'm about to scour ao3 for an evelyn hugo fic i liked eons ago though so
last song: doomsday by lizzy mcalpine
last series: midnight mass FUCKING AMAZING
last movie: black adam
currently working on: a hp fic for a friend, two of my marvel series, and dabbling with an original fic from five years ago
share ten different favorite characters from ten different pieces of media in no particular order, then tag ten people:
train heartnet, black cat
theo crain, the haunting of hill house
blair waldorf, gossip girl
lee yoon-sung, cinderella and the four knights
shane mccutcheon, the l word
lee gun, fated to love you
luke patterson, julie and the phantoms
eli navarro, veronica mars
tommy quincy, instant star
john henry "doc" holliday, wynonna earp
tagging: @irisofeden @strangeprincex @cocoamoonmalfoy @musingsinmoonlight @fluffyprettykitty @luveline @lesbians-love-samwilson @melodramama @buckyhoney
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oooo wait could you share any thoughts you have related to kaeya in subspace
“you’re home.”
his knees ache where the press against the creaking floorboards. sixteen minutes feels like sixteen hours he’s been waiting, wrists bound in a poor imitation of your beautiful work. it’s harder when he does it himself, and the dark lines across his chest don’t crisscross the way they usually do when you do it for him, but he’ll let you see his attempts anyway. he hopes you think he looks beautiful. he hopes you like what you see when you look down at him, when he’s as helpless as he feels. he hopes you’ll reach for the blindfold first, laid out like an offering to you in front of him, waiting for your sure and steady and real hands to take his senses from him before he falls apart.
like you’ve read his mind, your first thought is to the soft fabric on the floor. you know him well enough by now, know what he needs without asking, recognize his patterns like the back of your rough hands. “i’m home,” you agree, cloth in hand. he chances a glance up at you and bites back a sob at the look you give him; so caring, so understanding, so loving, why do you care so much? he should stand and face you. he should stand and talk, but his feet are bound to his thighs. that’s right. there was a reason for this.
without thinking, as if by instinct, his chin tilts up towards you as you blot out his vision like a flower towards the sun. in the silence of your room, he can hear his breath hitch when he inhales and chooses to ignore it. that familiar feeling is settling in, warming him from the inside out and relaxing his mind. it feels far away when he hears you speak his name. he loves it when you say that—
“kaeya,” comes the voice he adores so much, piecing the syllables of his name together so intimately with your lips on his neck, hands exploring the messy knots he’s made waiting for you, looking for a part of you he might be able to sloppily recreate in desperation. he grinds his hips up into yours, relishing in the unforgiving pull of the ropes digging into his legs and arms.
his thoughts melt away with every brush of your lips against his skin, every fingertip sliding over the messy knots and broken designs he’d done his best to fix. it’s not good— just like me, he thinks, i’m not good— but you’ve never seemed to mind his flaws and transgressions, brushing away every misgiving he has about himself as if they’re nothing but afterthoughts to you. he goes pliant in your arms.
he can’t see you, but he feels you when you shift, moving your focus between his legs where he’s so nicely bound for you. he likes when you touch him there, he remembers when your hands find their mark. you make everything feel good, like he can rest and let you take care of his every worry. the warmth inside him builds. time passes heavy and stretched.
he’s floating through a sea of calmness, grounded only by your hands and your melodic voice and your mouth on him. you’re real, safe and warm like a beacon of light in kaeya’s mind. the day’s troubles have fallen away from him, replaced by your soothing presence. you’re here, you make him feel so good. he smiles giddily, uncaring of how he looks. yes, when you touch right there—
kaeya’s back arches up into you again with a gasp. it’s the same reaction as the last time you did it, two fingers crooked up towards his navel and the other hand caressing his chest. without words, you’re left to figure out by his body alone what he wants from you. he’s been blunt enough before, almost conversationally instructing you on how to care for himself once you’ve got him like this. images of your previous conversations blur with the patterns of rope in front of you, watching his chest rise and fall, breathing in and out,
in and out. your touch is all that he knows, all that he cares about knowing. tears slip from under the blindfold, leaving streaks down his face. why am i crying? he thinks. everything is wonderful. it’s because of you that the warmth has built up so much, silencing sadness, fear, anger, pain. he can only hear the blood pounding in his ears and your voice he loves so much, coaxing and encouraging. the warm feeling is building up to something, he knows, something good you’ll give to him. he trusts you, you know what’s good for him. how could you be wrong when your body feels so right?
he gives himself up to you willingly and so beautifully, completely enough that he doesn’t hear his own voice when you push him over the edge like he wants, shaking and grabbing blindly at your figure to ground himself in you.
the first thing he notices when he resurfaces is that he’s no longer restrained.
the harsh fluorescent lights are dimmed in the bathroom and the air is humid. a comfortable silence has settled in around you and him, combing the tangles from his wet hair, massaging his sore muscles, kissing the purple marks left behind by the bondage.
“you with me?” are your quiet words murmured into his shoulder. he’s about to respond when the wave of emotions crashes over him. the stress of the day, the agony of waiting, and overwhelming gratitude he doesn’t know what to do with. the gratefulness forms a lump in his throat he tries to swallow down. you know him. you know already what he’s feeling. what’s unsaid can be left unsaid. kaeya holds back the tears beginning to form in his eyes. he’s cried enough for one day. and anyway, you already know that he cares as much as you do.
“i’m with you.”
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