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coweggomelet · 3 years

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volume 5

im so sad please do funny things

i know what’s coming though so

i’ll be crying while i laugh

- i love how qrow walks he looks like he has back problems

- oooo pretty waterfall

- ruby gushing over weapons is my favorite thing

- ahahaaaa frozen background gays that’s representation babey

- oh shit he just wanted to finish the job and go home 😢

- wait are all the academy headmasters characters from the wizard of oz? like ironwood is the tin man, lionheart is the cowardly lion, oz is...oz. who’s the headmaster of shade? the scarecrow? dorothy? i am 100% sure that people have already connected these dots but that just occurred to me

- oh ilia you poor little lesbian

- ahahahaaaa qrow “i did it!”

-uggghh the new intro i need my babies to be back together

- ew watts don’t smile with your teeth like that it’s creepy

- oh yeah cinder can talk now! gimme that fun ominous banter-y dialogue pleeeaase

- floating islands babeeeyyy

- ooooh i love this pilot! he’s so nice and funny and he works well with weiss. so sad he dies in a couple minutes

- adam you are such an asshole siena was SO COOL

- AAAHHHHH he’s got dad reading glasses!! i love ghira

- i would DIE i would lay down my little life for oscar and ruby the BABIES

- fuck yeah yang!! you stand up to her!!

- WE GOT TWO OUT OF FOUR GANG TWO OUT OF FOUR

- awww hugs

- of course you’re more scared than you've ever been, oscar, you are a CHILD who worked on a farm!! it’s okay to be scared!! it’s okay to have to adjust!!

- SHE SURE IS REMARKABLE OZPIN

- uh oh ilia doesn’t wanna kill blake i smell a gay

- hehehe awkward backpedal

- ooohhh man the kid... fuck, all those people are just... gone. and we can guess what happened to them, it’s pretty obvious but we’re never told exactly what happened and it’s so sad and scary

- awkward tea time with mom

- ugh raven shut up you SUUUCK

- THREE OUT OF FOUR BABEEEYYY IM GONNA CRY

- they all love each other SO MUCH this is ILLEGAL

- yesssss arm wrestleeee

- ooooo the ticking clock is so ominous

- she’s gonna come back, yang, don't worry

- weiss i love youuuu you’ve grown so much i’m so proud!!

- oh ilia you poor thing

- oh boyyyy here we gooooo!! the fake out of the century!!

- mercury. shut up. you’re a good fighter and people underestimate you. but. you’re a kid. and there’s some real big players now. no one’s afraid of you. you’re not that scary.

- god this plan is so goddamn smart. raven wears her helmet. vernal keeps her eyes closed the whole time. so fucking clever. jesus. also?? vernal’s subtle showmanship?? amazing. great detail

- aang??!!?

- i really wanna know how oz hid the vault at beacon. there’s gotta be something about it other than he’s just old and powerful, there’s gotta be some shenanigans there

- god i love this theme it’s so good. casey really just gives it her all every time and i’m so grateful to her

- oh boy the fuckin lobby here we go

- siblings amirite

- boys and girls? really cinder? let’s be more inclusive please

- surprise y’all they’re murder teens sorry you had to find out this way

- fuck i forgot how much jaune’s lil speech hurts. he’s still just so sad and he’s breaking down a little cause he’s so good and can’t understand why or how someone could be so bad. god i love my lil sweet boy he’s breaking my heart

- qrow i think the time has passed for everybody to be cool. cinder’s already talking smack. there’s no going back buddy

- “who are you again?” CINDER ILL STAB YOU. but also… good— good line. absolutely devastating

- emerald’s like “gotta protect my mommy girlfriend”

- shut UP mercury

- siblings amirite part 2

- THATS MY BOOYYY GO OSCAARR

- ooooohhhhh this muuuussiiiicccc

- ope there’s an aura break oh FUCK weiss gets stabbed in this episode doesn’t she and JAUNEY BOY DISCOVERS HIS SEMBLANCE i love him

- AHAHAHAAAA fuck her uuuuppp ruby

- ohhhhh shit here it comes oh god oh no

- god with pyrrha’s spear too. cinder’s really got a taste for dramatics doesn’t she

- oh god and the spear dissolving like pyrrha did i CANT

- when i say i LOST MY SHIT i said no fuckin way they kill weiss right now NO FUCKIN WAY and my friend had the AUDACITY to say “just watch”???? RUDE

- oooohh GET HIM oscar

- HES DOING IT MY SWEET BOY I LOVE YOUUU

- ohhh the tree of knowledge! i just got that

- there’s the grimm elastigirl arm

- SIKE CINDER THERES NO POWER TO TAKE FROM HER YOU JUST KILLED HER FOR NO REASON

- GOD WHAT A REVEAL

- again i lost my shit

- the amount of times i lost my shit and my friend had to tell me to be quiet was… a Lot

- NORRAAAA I LOVE YOUUUU

- oh hazel. can’t wait for your Growth

- THERE SHE IIISSS MY GIRL WHAT AN ENTRANCE BLAKE

- uh oh hazel is disheveled that means he’s unhinged

- oh FUCK yeah blake you’ve LEARNED i’m so proud of all my babieeesss

- WEISS what a power stance!

- THE LOOK they’re so GAY

- ooooo i love this fight it’s maiden vs maiden babey

- poor vernal. she spent the last moment of her life helping a woman who probably manipulated her and used her, and she helped her try to kill someone who didn’t even end up dying. vernal deserved better

- OH HERE WE GO RAVEN ITS YOUR DAUGHTER BITCH AND SHES HAD GROWTH

- oooo get him blake

- ooof the shoulder check. raven she fuckin nailed you on the head and did not hold back and knew EXACTLY what to say and you did EXACTLY what she said you were gonna do— run away. she is SO MUCH better than you and you will never recognize that and that is so heartbreaking

- uh oh the clicky orb thing. you’re gonna die lionheart

- oh emerald my baby. she relied on cinder so much, was so dependent on her, that she was powerful enough to make that in like 8 brains at once. that’s grief babey

- it took them. TWO WHOLE VOLUMES. to all get back together. this is illegal. and also i’m crying

- this is not ALLOWED they can’t look at each other like that my heart can’t take it

- awww qrow’s default really is just taking care of kids. good guy

- i’m always so exhausted at the end of a volume

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jtp4nd4 · 4 years

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(LoL, you'd figure I've posted more during quarantine)

Mmmm....

Hello...

Mmph....

You there...

'Wha... The fuc... Wha...' I mumbled. I blink a few times. Shake the cobwebs from my head. I try to move my hair from my face but can't move my hands/arms.

'Well, good morning, sleepy head' He smirked. 'Was wondering when you come around.'

I finally fully aware of the fact that I'm on my back and he's sitting on me, pinning my arms to my side.

He then starts raining punches on my abs.

*Smack 'Mmmph'

*Smack 'Ooof'

*Smack 'Ughh'

*Smack 'Argh'

*Smack 'Fuck'

*Smack 'Oooh'...

He doesn't stop till my whole front is beet red. 'Give again?' He asked, sneering. 'Well this is dissatisfying... I guess all those stories are faults. I was hoping for a tougher challenge...' He yawns as he leans over, choking me.

'Gak. *Gasp* Mmm. Fucker. *Gasp*'

Holy Fucking Shit! How Did I Get Here? My mind races, trying not to pass out and give him a two point advantage.

In a last ditch effort, I thrust my hips as hard as possible, hoping to free, at least, one of my arms. But instead I almost throw him off.

'Well,' he catches himself, 'Looks like you have some fight,' he sits up, 'Left in yo.... HEY!!!' He yells as I wrap my legs around his head and, lucky, one of his arms. With all my strength, I pull him off, grab/tuck the other arm and before he knows it, I have him trapped.

FIGURE FOUR HEADSCISSORS

'HOLY SHIT!!! FUCK!!! OWW!!! MOTHERFUCK!!! AHHH!!!' He screams

'If you think this hurts, try this.' I pant, and with my free hand, I reach between his legs and grab his ballsack, squeezing it as hard as possible.

He immediately starts slapping the mat, my legs, thighs while screaming like a bitch. 'I GIVE!!! I SUBMIT!!! I SUBMIT!!! OH GOD, I QUIT!!! PLEASE!!! I SUBMIT!!!'

I loosing my hold on his bulge. 'That's what I like to hear, bitch.' I sneer. 'But, THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!' I yell, squeezing his bulge and tighten my legs. 'Now it's time for you to go to sleep.' I whisper as his body begins to go limp...

Grrrr 😈💪🐼

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evotter · 5 years

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jan, march, sept + one of your choice, love. have a great day, u icon

thank u kyra i adore u

january: what was the first fic you posted this year?

the first fic i posted this year TECHNICALLY was the epilogue of a different path. the first standalone was chewbacca (aka my introduction to the jily world once again and i have such a soft spot for it)

march: do you listen to music whilst writing?

yes! pretty much always; if it’s not music, it’s a TV show.

september: share a comment or review which still warms your heart?

quite literally anything you’ve left on any of my fics BUT there are a few that i hold dear to my heart. i’ll post them under the cut cause they are LONG :’)

ancient: the first fic you ever posted online?

hahahaaaaaaa. it was my own version of rick riordan’s the son of neptune before the actual book was published. it was on ff.net, and the first chapter got 7 reviews, and i felt so good about myself after that lmfao. who knew i’d still be writing 8 years later?

ask me questions!

OKAY so i have 3 top favorites:

from a different path:

okay so i had seen this in someone else’s bookmarks the other day, thought it was an interesting concept—especially since i too love slytherin!percy and strongly subscribe to ofswordsandpens’ headcanons about it—but didn’t give it another thought until i was listening to a video about the cursed child and went: wait, there’s a percabeth hogwarts au that i saw somewhere. and immediately i hunted this down and i’m just in awe? i tore through it. belatedly, i realized that i made a mistake: i didn’t write down my thoughts as i was reading, which is definitely a disservice to you. however, here are a generalized list of things that i loved.

first of all, with hogwarts au’s, there are three main aspects that i look for: plot, characterization, and quality of writing. normally, fics of this size lack one or more of these key factors, but i was astonished to find that the plot is tremendously tight and intriguing (my lip bled from biting it so much because i’ve been stressed to the max), you write these characters with such distinct voices i can easily picture them saying everything—except, of course, now in a little british accent—and your writing flows so well, it feels almost like i’m reading an actual harry potter book, just with percy and co. you also do a masterful job of weaving together aspects of the pjo universe with the established canon of hp.

and there are so many specific things that i love. primarily, the way you write the relationships in this story; not just concerning percabeth (though i will get to that in a minute), but also with each of the interactions between all of the characters. i applaud you for how you handled luke/annabeth and rachel/percy, and the friendship among them all is just incredibly well done. i especially love how well you wrote connor and zoë and just, a lot of characters that i don’t often think about when i think of pjo. grover and percy’s friendship especially is heartbreaking, i just. he’s so protective because he loves his friends and holy fuck i also love how you wrote grover in this. but i just adored how you wrote annabeth/percy—the love between them, both platonic in its early stages and the romantic all throughout, was doubly apparent. i ached when they kissed each other’s cheeks, and i inwardly cheered when she kissed him in the locker room. there was just such a natural progression, to me, of their relationship. and man did i dig it. i’m excited (and maybe a little scared) to see where you take their relationship in the future.

boy, this is getting long. sorry. but some more just little quick things: loved the b99 reference, with both of their competitive natures playing out in a similar way to jake and amy’s. i kind of want to go back and see if i can find any other references that i missed because i was just too engaged in the story to catch them. also, zoë’s death killed me all over again, thanks for that. i like how you’re working the kronos plot in, and i can’t wait to see how the Final Battle plays out. what else? oh! professor hestia? beautiful. eventual maybe professor percy? outstanding. percy kissing the top of annabeth’s head? breathtaking. rachel being a quidditch commentator? earth shattering. (truly i cackled when i saw that.) mrs. o’leary being a cat? incredible. how you incorporated percy’s water powers? stunning.

ooh, this exchange was beautiful and had me cackling it was so in-character:

“None of us are dying.” Connor clarifies. “Not you, not me, not Annie, not the rest of us.”

“I might have to dispute that.” Annabeth says, from Percy’s other side. “Call me ‘Annie’ one more time, Stoll, and I’ll kill you myself.”

Connor only grins at her. “Sorry, love. No more ‘Annie’. Can I call you Beth?”

“No.”

“Anna?”

“No.”

okay, so i just finished chapter nine and i am blown away. sorry for how long this comment was, but a fic of this magnitude truly warrants it. i can’t wait to see what happens next.

i leave you with just two words: “holy shit.”

from a different path:

god, oh my god, am i the only dumb bitch who didn’t get what the prophecy was??

anyway, i stumbled on this fic last year, patiently waiting for its completion, and now that i’ve rediscovered it, i’m so glad i finished it all in one go! i couldn’t imagine the tension of waiting for the next chapter, especially since the tension is so well-crafted!! i hardly noticed the tonal shift even as the story got darker and darker as it led up to the war, and in that way i was reminded of how extremely similar it felt to reading the hp books for the first time! you nailed percy very well i might say, and the awkward-yet-caring relationship he has with his dad. i daresay you gave connor and zoe more characterization than rick riordan himself, and the percabeth you wrote is perfect to the nth degree. i appreciate that you didnt bother with all the love triangle and unrequited feelings nonsense as well.

but i have to say, even as i cried at sally and paul’s wedding, or at dionysus’ quiet mourning for castor, what really struck with me most was the way you handled silena. for that, i have no words. that was a job extremely well done. thank you so much for blessing us with this fic.

from chewbacca (a comment from u!):

A girl in a bright yellow hooded raincoat stumbles into the cafe on one of the slowest nights James has ever seen. Her coat is dripping all over the floor he’d just cleaned (but it’s fine) and when he leans over the counter he sees that her boots match the coat.

First of all!!! Thats the best opening line in the world and nobody can convince me otherwise. I want to become a publisher just so that if you ever write a book, I’d be able to publish it. ( like omg, what an honor??? )

She looks like sunshine, standing there with the amount of yellow in her wardrobe. Briefly, James wonders if that’s her favorite color. It’s got to be.

Im going to quote this whole fic but I really love these lines? Like, you have this distinct style of writiting that I aim to acheive and you’re literally such a rolemodel!!! These are my favorite kind of fics to read. Funny story but I was going through a ‘no thanks Jily’ mood ( a horror, i know !! ) but your fics are just,,,,exceptions? You could write about trash and I’d love it and ask for you to sign me up.

“Say it again, but convincingly this time.”

ooof this dialogue??? let me breathe

This is the longest he’s stood still since he started working. It’s actually a miracle.

and the funniest person award goes to YOU. also, the most talented and cutest but thats neither here nor there.

james taking care of fleamont, switching off the lights gives me just a nice and realistic vibe? its so simple but i love how you added it.

honestly at this point, ive been sucked again by the fanfic. it feels less like a fic and more like a masterpiece that belongs in a museum but anyway.

“James is supposed to be helping.

James is on his phone.”

ugh i love ur mind. im rereading and its so nice and lovely. even if its like 1am and im exhausted, this fic is sustaining me.

“Do it off the clock, would you?”

PEAK HUMOR

have i mentioned how much i love that scene with euphemia? she seems like such a lovely mom. i love ur euphemia the most. and ahh, both of them just rushing to the hospital ? another 100% good scene.

“Euphemia smiles too, but looks at Fleamont rather than at her son. “Yes,” she says. “It really does.””

fic? or shakspeare? HMMM

A girl in a bright yellow hooded raincoat stumbles into the cafe on one of the slowest nights James has ever seen // “Get fucked.”

the fic!! has made a circle!!! i love how it begins and ends along the same lines. I really want to know how??? are you so talented im in love.

i just really love this fic, okay? i love how james is just the kindest, lily is allowed to have feelings, its just so soft and warm. and it makes someone feel loved, want love anyway.

the dynamic between the characters are just so real and great and im astounded, in short.

your sirius is everything. so many fics potray him as a dick??? which is first of all #rude and also, not at all true. you made me love these characters even more so i sincerely hope you never stop writing.

you’re such a beautiful writer and the way you string words together is just poetic and gorgeous and all the other good adjectives you can think of. i read your spiderman x reader too and i was a goner for you. EVERYTHING YOU WRITE IS SO GOOD. i read it so long ago but i can vividly remember peter whipping the mask off and she just going wtf stop on the window ledge. what im trying to say is that you leave this lasting impression on people that make them remember random scenes and words / prose long after they’ve read it which is a remarkable feat, i believe.

and im so sorry im not on tumblr rn bc i cannot keep recing this fic but i have told my friends about your writing and they loved it too. you’ve got like a million fans. when i do get back from my hiatus, im going to keep recing your fics and people will cry because their universe will shift thanks to the newfound joy of your presence in their life.

lastly, im more of a dog person and that, more than anything, should tell you how much i love this fic. i love u. and basee on your writing, i want to hug you, be your best friend and make you cookies bc again

WOW

#thelaziestgeek #answers #friends!#<3

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maryannalush · 5 years

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Rant on Voltron season 8

I dont know how long this will be and im sorry if i ramble.

Okay so i just finish watching Voltron and let me tell you i am not amused. And it is more than just the last episode. I mean that was pretty weak in my opinion. I know some people liked it. Power to them. But not me. I felt like my intelligence had been insulted.

First i will start with Allura. I knew when I first started watching Voltron that she was going to die. And at first i was like "yea okay, last altean, i see where they are going with this". I didnt really like her character at first. She seem to happy, and just to much. But as the seasons when on i felt like she gained something. She wasn't just this hollow, one dimension, self sacrificing character. But at the same time i felt like she was constantly trying to die to save people and that's good and all but it was way overused (not just with her but all the paladins) and i just felt it was really stupid. Like you are the only people who can save the universe (and all realitys) and yet you are willing to throw away your life at the drop of a hat. 💁‍♀️ bitch what. And then with her romance with Lotor. That just rubbed me the wrong way. I get it. She thought he was the last one of her kind. I just felt forced. Like really forced. It felt to me like a plot point and nothing more.

Then we have Lance. Some things with his character were really good. Like he was a ladies man but not in the creepy way that a lot of them are played out to be. He was kind and never tried to really force his was with Allura and i loved that. He respected her and didn't treat her like some object that he could have if he tried hard enough. Everyone knew he liked her but he wasn't constantly showing her with affection and offers and gifts like i have seen over and over again in TV shows. It was really refreshing. But outside of that there wasn't much to his character. He could shoot well, yea. But that's not really a character trait. Just a skill. I think they could have done so much with his character if they tried. But he was literally like a side character the entire time. Nothing about his character really shown through the whole show. He was just sure of himself and sometimes but the team in danger. Plus he was super annoying at times. Don't get me wrong i think hes a good character but just way under done.

Next us Keith's character. I think he went though the most changes thought Voltron. With a few occational backtracks. He started out as this out cast kid who didn't like authority and wanted to be alone (the emo kid) into someone whole led the fight against the Galra. (More about becomig leader later). And i loved his character growth, but we didnt really get to see it happen. One minute he was with his mom outside of the Colony the next he's back with Voltron and hes ready to be a leader. Before he left he was still this kid who was running away from responsiblitly, running g away from being the Black Paladin and then he gets back to the ship and boom hes a leader. I understand he aged and matured and probably learned a thing or two from his mother but we never really see that. Shiro was alway "ill never give up on you" but it didnt make him the leader. Another thing that frustrated me was when Shiro left for space Keith got himself kicked out of the Garrison. Its kinda like all the stiff Shiro did to get him in and keep him in was for nothing. Especially after they thought he died. All those flash back and the time he spent with him added up to nothing. Sure it was used later to show the bond between them and help them a time or two, and that great, but i feel like that could have been achieved though the other things they went through. I also find it weird that no one ever knew that he wasn't fully human, i feel like something would have shown before he activated the Blade. All other half breeds showed outwardly that they were part Galra but he didnt. He looked totally human until then. Once again i think it was a plot point. Especially when Allura was avoiding him because he was part Galra was super stupid, or at least i thought. Mainly because i feel like really had no reason to dislike him, like he never did anything and she was like "thats because your Galra". He wasn't mean or anything. Loner, yes. I dont know it just kinda made me made.

Pidge is next. I feel like Pidges main thing was learning to accept herself and find her brother. I like how they did it and that she didnt start dressing girly once they found out. She was who she wanted to be. And being male or female didnt change that. Even when she got back to earth. I also low key forgot they were looking for her brother and farther like half way through because they never really made way on it until she saw the picture of her brother. I mean yes they hinted at it. But it seemed like she put it on a back burner, then all of a sudden it was all she cared about. And that just doesn't seem very Pidge to me. And even thought she is a girl they didnt make her less of a character than the rest like Allura was for a while. She was always super important and stayed that way.

I dont really have much to say about Hunk. I loved him and he was a good supporting character to the main people but that's just about all her was.

Okay now one of the things i really didnt like about the whole thing. The switching lion. Why, why..... why. To me it felt silly and unessisary. At the time Keith was no where near being ready to pilot the black lion and Allura had been a dull character. Lance was perfect for Blue and Keith for Red. But when they switched it made me feel like they were being forced into role that really didnt belong. I feel like Allura should have piloted the black lion in Shiros absences but given it back when Shiro returned. She had shown.she was a leader and respected by everyone and it was almost a slap in the face to see her in the blue lion. And Lance in the red lion felt wrong too. Shiro should have stayed Black paladin and in his absence Allura. Like a mom and dad duo. (Not ship wise tho) They gave off the vibes of both being the leaders, Shiro being the to and Alloura his second i command. As i srated ealier Keith did eventually step up as a leader but i feel like as the red lion he could have been a leader like Shiros right hand man. I feel like the shift was unessisary and cause more problems then it solved. And then they didnt change out fits either so you have the red paladin wearing a blue outfit and the black paladin wearing a red outfit. It irked me to no end seeing that. Like you change lion you change suit. Boi 😤🙏

And then the last season. Oof. I feel like it was pulling in so many different directions. It was so much confusing, more like info overload. They could have either made another season or took some pointless thing out. Like they kept having to prove their bond with each other every other episode. It got boring. I under stand it happening once or twice but how often i heard Keith saying we have to work together it the power is within was over kill. They already established they were super strong together. I understand they wanting the audience to know that were strong but really. Almost every episode. Come on. Give me a break. It almsot it like their bond before wasn't really a bond so they had to do it again. But whatever.

Now Alluras death. Let me tell you that made me mad. Like wtf. The was they did it was alomst lien they pulled ut out of their ass. "Hey how should we end this" "i dont know... it had to be something epic" "how about all the paladin combine their strength with all the last paladins and Hagger and fix the universe and channel it thought Allura ( how i thought it should have gone. Because we literally see the past paladins before she goes but idk) " naw lets just kill Allura and make it as unrealistic and simple as possible". I feel like they could have done so much more, something so much more meaningful. It just felt so rushed and almost pointless. Like they didnt know what to do and took out the most useless paladin and called it a day. It just wa ssooo freaking stupid and dull. And then when They were saying goodbye they were all okay with it. Didn't question it. Didn't try to come up with a different solution like they have done ever time in the past that someone tried to sacrifice theirselves. Nope just was like if you say so. Boop. Big freaking ooof. Like ever other time someone tried to sacrafice themselves they found a was to do something else but there they where kind ooc a bit. And lance. Man. I feel like he was under reacted. That was the love of his life. The girl he would never get over a d he barely argued. Like no. No. Just no. All his character development, poof gone. All im saying is they wouldn't have just accepted it. Of all the things they went through i just dont think they would.

Lastly the after credit(?) Thing. There was so much wrong with that. Like lance. I feel like he would have not moved on per say but found someone else to love. Because Allura wouldn't have wanted him to grow up and be alone for the rest of his life. It was sad and kinda pathetic. She would have wanted him to find a nice girl and have little baby lances. Instead he was forever heart broken and unable to move on. Blah. And Chip i wanted more about chip. Why did she build him. Was he supposed to be a son like figure because he looked like a child. Did he even work. I have so many questions. And then Shiro marring some random bimbo. They had no build up, nothing. He just in a few shots aboard the Atlas. It felt like a last minute decision. They could have done so much with them becoming a thing. But nope they show Shiro may or may not have been with Adam and then decided just to give him a random gay marriage. They aaidsomething about him finding happiness but never once did it seem like that was what he was looking for throughout the show. Not like Lance was. He never even seemed interested in anyone thought out the whole thing. Like maybe he traveled the first earth mission thought space or something idk. It made his character feel sallow.

End of rant. If you disagree with me or think i jave something wrong feel free to discuss it with me. Like and adult.

Thanks for your time.

#voltron #shiro #takashi shirogane #lance #allura #hunk #vld s8 #vld spoilers #vld season 8 #vld shitpost #pidge #pidge gunderson #rant #sorry for the rant #ihatedthelastseason

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fullmetal-the-last-alchemist · 5 years

Text

mtmte issue #39: starring...evil decepticon..dinosaur..?

eugh GOD the djd. i really gotta spend the whole issue with these fuckos huh

ahhhh hha aha... thats his brain..his brain, in his mouth there....

lj tells me in the original version of this panel, helex took the brain out of the guy’s mouth with..his own mouth! wow! okay! alright! ok!

and then collectively jro and his ‘Let’s Make Ruth Cry’ squad decided that was Too Much, which, yeah, i can see how they came to that conclusion

emo mask Bitch

haha, oh damn, they don’t Know yet, do they? they don’t Fucking Know. wow.

ohhhmy god tiny new robot. shes so cute. im dying i lvoe her SO much already

she has WHEEL FEET??? ohh my god. my heart. it is tender

im gonna die shes bossing around these big bad djd sadists who are like 10x her size...i LOVE HER

HER NAME IS NICKEL.........

“you think we have a health and safety policy because it’s fun?” djgskKJHSKDHGS THEY’RE PROFESSIONAL MURDERING SADISTS

oooohhh brainstorm DID contact them, then....interesting

wait - this? is the other universe?

????????

ok no it’s just the other LOST LIGHT....that makes sense. not really but whatever, just gotta do like riptide and roll with the punches

“megatron’s defected!” tarn: lol excuse me :) what

ooof tarn on messatine..taking off the mask....the way the snow goes over the text is super cool

gotta do drugs now

tarn: guess i’ll die

oohh that’s skids?? that’s skids....cool......or like not cool probably

lj had to tell me i guessed like 5 other people first. i love skids like so much but hes got. a face that is what i would call distinctly not distinct

“deathsaurus”.....................................

‘thought you’d be wearing an autobot mask’ djkgshdgh DANG

sorry tarn but that was. the most obvious trap ever. “here hold this suspicious box and stand Specifically there”. like are u fuckin stupid

tarn’s voice killing thing. is so cool ngl

thank fuck megatron has those swirly things on his chest otherwise i’d literally never be able to recognize him for shit

ooohhh dang tarn can kill every other living thing in the universe but not his friends...dang

dang it was a test!!! that’s cool, i like that

oh geez tarn please don’t kill megatron or the lost light. again.

‘the dying of the light’ Don’t Like That!

#tf mtmte #ruth reads mtmte #transformers #i love nickel but also? im very scared now

1 note · View note

hesthekingofsomewhere · 6 years

Text

Yet Another Chatfic pt 5

part 1 I 2 I 3 I 4

this is a long chapter! and im posting it ahead of schedule! bc I love yall!

please leave comments! likes! I love feedback!

Also! this chapter has a peek into sarah, finch, and alberts groupchat

Queens of New York

8:15

santagay: say yeet if you made it home alive

DJacobs: Yeet!

SJ420: yeet

richbitch: yeet

Spot8365631: yeet

respecs: yeet

albiehadalittlelamb: yeet

WhereforeArtThou: yeet

noteventhatshort: yeet

SJ420: wheres finchy boy?

littlebirdie: still at their apt

littlebirdie: oh right

littlebirdie added crispycrutch to Queens of New York

PM with albiehadalittlelamb

santagay: al, finch slept over

albiehadalittlelamb: yeah ik?

santagay: i hate to say this and be that guy, but al, he slept in crutchies room

santagay: ik whats its like to be cheated on, and i never thought i would be having this conversation about finch but I dont want you to get hurt.

albiehadalittlelamb: ill ask finch, im sure nothing happened

PM with littlebirdie

albiehadalittlelamb: did my fake bf cheat on me?

littlebirdie: …

albiehadalittlelamb: GET SOME BOIII

littlebirdie: lmao so your not mad?

albiehadalittlelamb: why would I be mad? even if we were dating id be chill about this, ik you have a huge thing for crutchie and lord knows youd never get any action from me

albiehadalittlelamb: the only problem is that jack thinks your cheating on me

littlefinch: ok so should we fake-break up? cuz i kind of dont want to, but if jack thinks im cheating on you…

albiehadlittlelamb: i have a plan

albiehadalittlelamb: does crutchie know that were fake dating?

littlebirdie: ye, theres no way i would even be allowed into his room if we were actually dating

albiehadalittlelamb: ok but heres the thing, if jack thinks you cheated on me, then race probably thinks the same

littlebirdie: oooHHHHHH

littlebirdie: so now im also fake cheating on you so that race will feel bad and fall for you and your sad situation

albiehadalittlebird: exactly!

littlebirdie: nice! what could possibly go wrong

Queens of New York

respecs: so why is this chat called queens of new york

inyourFACEtrack: well you see…

inyourFACEtrack: twas all hallows eve 2017

inyourFACEtrack: and 7 of us showed up to kaths halloween as drag queens completely independantly

noteventhatshort: and sarah kath jack and i were dressed as disney princesses

respecs: thats beautiful

respecs: and here i thought it was bc ?everyone? here is lbgtq

santagay: well if you think about it, its both

richbitch: when was the last time we even had a straight in this chat?

crispycrutch: i think we had morris in the chat for a week when he was dating romeo

santagay: oh god i forgot about that

SJ420: does he even count as a straight?

inyourFACEtrack: well there was a reason he was only in the chat for a week so…

santagay: true, speaking of which

santagay: specs, if you ever hurt romeo, we will find out where you live and steal all of you soap lest you ever get a date again

respecs: noted?

SJ420: he gave me the same threat when I started dating kath lmao

santagay: it worked didnt it?

SJ420: im hate you

santagay: you loved me once loser

WhereforeArtThou: oh shit he went there

inyourFACEtrack: oooooooooooo

crispycrutch: ??????

SJ420: once upon a time i thought i was a het, and then i dated jack for like 2 months

SJ420: and 90% of our relationship was checking out pretty girls together

SJ420: so i figured i should date those pretty girls

noteventhatshort: BIG MOOD

SJ420: for the record the other 10% of the relationship was jack checking out “cute” boys and me being like eh

santagay: and herre i thought you were just trying to stop me from being jealous

SJ420: jack at one point i kissed another girl in front of you and you did not care

noteventhatshort: AHHH

inyourFACEtrack: OOOF

richbitch: AN ICON

santagay: ok well

SJ420: don’t even try bud

DJacobs: That’s my sister!!!!!

santagay: but at least you didnt hide it

santagay: at least you werent kissing people behind my back like SOME people in this chat

SJ420: ????

Spot8365631: i thought you were over that

santagay: i am i just need to have moral high ground over someone

inyourFACEtrack: wait what

noteventhatshort: is this chat just stories of jack getting cheated on now?

richbitch: im living for this

richbitch: jack cant keep a man nor woman

noteventhatshort: but whats this about spot cheating on jack?

santagay: he BROKE my FRAGILE 15 y/o HEART

santagay: but spottie was too cool, lived too fast, couldnt be tied down to one man

Spot8365631: also david was a much better kisser

SJ420: OH SHIT PLOT TWIST

richbitch: CALLED OUT

inyourFACEtrack: 911? theres been a murder?

DJacobs: This…. is true.

inyourFACEtrack: THE LEGEND HIMSELF SPEAKS

respecs: i am living for the drama in this chat

crispycrutch: were kind of a mess tbh

respecs: i understand and completely respect that

inyourFACEtrack: you reSPECt that?

respecs: haha very funny not like thats my goddamn username or anything

Spot8365631: roasted

inyourFACEtrack: bitch

inyourFACEtrack: YO JACK ROMEO, GOT MY MFN 29TH

santagay: fuck offfffff

WhereforeArtThou: this bet is unfair

WhereforeArtThou: im only attracted to one gender, thats less than half the people to ask

santagay: dude ur still winning

WhereforeArtThou: yeah but its a lot more work

inyourFACEtrack: i only have 1 girls number, i think its p even

santagay: this seems like something you should have considered when we started

WhereforeArtThou: ok but consider this

WhereforeArtThou: i didnt

inyourFACEtrack: ok but consider this

inyourFACEtrack: ur a dumbass

WhereforeArtThou: strong words coming from a guy who threw a wii remote out the window

noteventhatshort: fight fight fight fight

inyourFACEtrack: my embarrassments are not ur entertainment smalls

noteventhatshort: ur embarrassments are my only entertainment what r u talking about

Spot8365631: also everything you do is embarrassing

inyouFACEtrack: i feel betrayed

santagay: you should

santagay: i once saw u put hot chocolate mix in oj

inyourFACEtrack: it tastes like a terrys chocolate orange i stand by my choices

crispycrutch: you snorted mr noodles seasoning bc spot told you to

inyourFACEtrack: and i got 20$ for it

Spot8365631: u didnt “””get”””” 20$ ur debt to me was just slightly reduced

inyourFACEtrack: EITHER WAY

crispycrutch: once i watched u drop a spoon into a pot of boiling water and stick ur hand in to get it

inyourFACEtrack: i think ur point has been made, thnk u crutchie

Spot8365631: please do not stop, hes had it coming

crispycrutch: i will stop only bc i value my safety and so i still have receipts for the future

inyourFACEtrack: oh god

inyourFACEtrack: why did i think it was a good idea to live with you

crispycrutch: bc you love me and i contribute to the rent

inyourFACEtrack: touche

crispycrutch: besides, i would have dirt on you regardless

crispycrutch: i have seen each and every one of you do stupid stuff, no one is safe

inyourFACEtrack: mooooom crutchies being meannnn

DJacobs: Crutchie, please delete your blackmail.

crispycrutch: how can i delete it when its in my brain

santagay: i have never been more scared of crutchie

SJ420: crutchie is my idol

crispycrutch: that does not make you safe my friend

SJ420: honestly at this point you could reveal anything about me and i would not care

SJ420: i have reached a god status where nothing you say could possibly embarrass me

richbitch: im so in love with you

SJ420: love you too babe

PM with SJ420

richbitch: ik youre in the next room but i dont want dave to hear, but I got a dinner reservation for two tomorrow at 7 and was wondering if you would like to join me

SJ420: i mean of course, but why are you asking me like this

richbitch: because

richbitch: also you should wear that dress you got for christmas

SJ420: ok?

More Than Just Cigars

SJ420: kath is acting weird

albiehadalittlelamb: what kind of weird

albiehadalittlelamb: like “i just lost a lot of money” weird

albiehadalittlelamb: “i just took a bunch of acid” weird?

littlebirdie: oh no is it “i just slept with jack” weird?!

SJ420: oh god no

SJ420: she texted me and asked me on a date

SJ420: i asked her why and she said because

littlebirdie: !!!!!!!!!

littlebirdie: DID SHE ASK YOU TO WEAR SOMETHING SPECIFIC

SJ420: ye, a dress from christmas

albiehadalittlelamb: OH MYYYYY GODDDDDDDD

littlebirdie: GIRL

SJ420: what????

littlebirdie: jfc ur blind

albiehadalittlelamb: if u havent caught on yet we cant morally help u srry

SJ420: GUYS PLEASE

littlebirdie: nope

albiehadalittlelamb: have fun on ur date tho

PM with santagay

albiehadalittlelamb: oh yeah finch did not, in fact cheat on me

albiehadalittlelamb: he was just making up with crutchie last night, they had a fight

santagay: and u trust finch in this

albiehadalittlelamb: ofc, ive known finch a long time, he would never

santagay: ok if you insist, i just dont want you to get hurt

albiehadalittlelamb: thanks jack

Queens of New York

littlebirdie: anyone else just, super glad that theyre gay?

littlebirdie: bc thats such an important feeling

DJacobs: Me too, Finch

Spot8365631: rt

SJ420: rt

noteventhatshort: rt

WhereforeArtThou: rt

albiehadalittlelamb: rt

santagay: rt but bi

inyourFACEtrack: rt but bi

richbitch: rt but bi

respecs: rt but bi

crispycrutch: rt but pan

littlebirdie has changed Queens of New York to Queers of New York

inyourFACEtrack: helllllll yeah

Spot8365631: no cussing, my mom checks my phone

inyourFACEtrack: oh my goodness im so sorry spot

inyourFACEtrack: ill delete the message right away

DJacobs: What?

DJacobs: Why does your mom check your messages, Spot?

DJacobs: You’re 23 and moved out?

DJacobs: Also I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you swear in this chat.

DJacobs: This is a meme, isn’t it?

santagay: u got there on ur own!

santagay: im so proud of u!

DJacobs: Thank you, Jack.

inyourFACEtrack: why does it feel like everyone is in loving and healthy relationships except me?

PM with inyourFACEtrack

Spot8365631: wow rude

inyourFACEtrack: were not in a relationship remember?

Queers of New York

DJacobs: Jack and I are not dating.

santagay: dude, were mom and dad, i think that’s close enough

respecs: question, in this mom/dad thing, who is everyone else

santagay: kath and sarah are the aunts obvi

inyourFACEtrack: smalls, romeo, crutchie, al, and i are their kids

inyourFACEtrack: finch used to be one of the kids but now hes dating al so that seems weird

inyourFACEtrack: i guess hes sarahs kid now?

SJ420: awwww i love my new son

respecs: what about spot?

santagay: hes kind of… his own entity… like an estranged uncle or neighbor that spends more time in ur house than his own

Spot8365631: rude but accurate

santagay: thats my name dont wear it out

Spot8365631: i hate you sm

santagay: then y r u always in my house???

Spot8365631: this metaphor has gone to far. blocked deleted and unfollowed.

santagay: honestly? thats fair

santagay: i respect ur choices

Spot8365631: sounds fake but ok

PM with Spot8365631

inyourFACEtrack: in a beautiful twist of fate, crutchie jack are going to see a movie with davey and kath, and im home alone with a meat lovers pizza on its way

Spot8365631: ok?

inyourFACEtrack: would you care to join me?

Spot8365631: no, sounds too much like a date, and were not in a relationship right?

inyourFACEtrack: dude, were friends, sharing a pizza, and maybe having anal sex

inyourFACEtrack: thats not a date its just what we do

Spot8365631: still no, i have to finish a foreign policy essay for tomorrow

inyourFACEtrack: oh ok

20 notes · View notes

through-war-and-at-peace · 5 years

Text

— 1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My Partner 2. Are you outgoing or shy? Little bit of both 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my cat my partner and my best friend also LP 4. Are you easy to get along with? Yes? 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Yes 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? pretty much anyone that is a human being 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Yes 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Pretty much always Michio Kaku 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? nahhhh 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My roomie 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Yeahhh that’s great!” 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? “Oh shit” Nat Lefkoff “The high” Kelela “bitches broken hearts” Billie eilish “unfucktheworld” Angel Olsen “mama said” cat clyde 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? yes but only if they’re good at it 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? ehhh not really more like law of attraction serendipity if thats the same thing then sure? 15. What good thing happened this summer? I started therapy 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Always 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? mhmmm ohhh yeaah 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Sadly, no... 19. Do you like bubble baths? LOVE bubble baths 20. Do you like your neighbors? don’t know them but sure 21. What are you bad habits? anything that falls under the category of my addiction 22. Where would you like to travel? Dream destination is Thai land or Switzerland 23. Do you have trust issues? mmm yeah I guess I do kinda 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Eating.. or picking my cat up and hugging him 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Pretty much the lot of it 26. What do you do when you wake up? snooze my alarm and try like hell to sleep more but it never works 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? nahhh 28. Who are you most comfortable around? Does my cat count? 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yes 30. Do you ever want to get married? Yes 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes it is finally.. tho I wanna chop it all off again 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Blake Lively Ryan Reynolds 33. Spell your name with your chin. assahjnlerdyhuj :) 34. Do you play sports? What sports? lol no... does yoga count? 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? hands down TV please take it away now 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? nope I’m pretty much extremely forward 37. What do you say during awkward silences? Welp this is awkward 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? I pretty much like everyone so.... 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? tattoo shops :) 40. What do you want to do after high school? I long since been out of HS and I guess travel? 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? honestly yes but certainly beware of being taken advantage of which is something I fall into all too often 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? that I’m either concentrating.. or I’m fucking PISSED off and need to just be left the fuck alone and sit in my head 43. Do you smile at strangers? very awkwardly yes 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? I know the ocean should be explored more but fucking SPAAAAACE 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? the basic need to survive and pay for my existence otherwise I rarely can scrape my meat sack of a body out of my bed yay depression 46. What are you paranoid about? failing.. isn’t everyone? 47. Have you ever been high? on pretty much anything you could think of.. yeah 48. Have you ever been drunk? ohhhh yes I have been many moods of intoxicated 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Nope 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black 51. Ever wished you were someone else? ohh fuck yeah all the time don’t we all have Instagram 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? talking myself out of things because I’m afraid to fail 53. Favourite makeup brand? Thrive causemetics 54. Favourite store? Target 55. Favourite blog? My besties blog :) 56. Favourite colour? Green or yellow 57. Favourite food? Vegan sushi or burritos or pizzzzza bc I am trash 58. Last thing you ate? a hersheys kiss 59. First thing you ate this morning? a hersheys kiss... lol 60. Ever won a competition? For what? lol a dance competition when I was 19 at a house party 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? suspended many many many times.. mainly insubordination... or never showing up to class or being mega late to class 62. Been arrested? For what? yes. shoplifting/dui/possession/possession of paraphernalia/underage drinking/truancy 63. Ever been in love? yes :) 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I was living in Georgia I was 4 or 5 years old and my neighborhood friend was chasing me and chasing me and chasing me and I ran around the corner of our apartment complex and was hiding against the wall and he showed up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder and said “wait wait I have a secret to tell you” and then proceeded to kiss me on my lips and I of course responded “ewwwwwwwww” 65. Are you hungry right now? FUCKING STARVING 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? my real friends or on tumblr so.. yes? 67. Facebook or Twitter? I like reading tweets more than fb statuses buuut I browse FB more 68. Twitter or Tumblr? TUMBLR 69. Are you watching tv right now? nahh 70. Names of your bestfriends? Max :) Julie annnd Stanley 71. Craving something? What? success in my new job... and sushi also a fucking back massage 72. What colour are your towels? yellow and grey 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? if my fat cat counts then yes 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? none other than my cats 75. Favourite animal? Obviously my cat... but I’d have to say a Manta Ray 76. What colour is your underwear? tye dye 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate 4 eva 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? I’m boring I like chocolate and peanut butter only for sweets ever 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? black 80. What colour pants? currently wearing my work scrubs so navy blue 81. Favourite tv show? Adventure time 82. Favourite movie? What dreams may come is my go to fav.. but I think that might change soon.. also fav christmas movie is a year without a santa claus and I hate christmas 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Is this even a real question? Is there a mean girls 2? 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean girls 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Kevin G 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? fuckin Marlin of course 87. First person you talked to today? virtually?.. my girlfriend... in person?.. my boss 88. Last person you talked to today? Days not over but also my girlfriend 89. Name a person you hate? Donald Trump 90. Name a person you love? my niece 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Pretty much always donald trump 92. In a fight with someone? nope? 93. How many sweatpants do you have? 3 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? like at least 5? 95. Last movie you watched? Suspiria 96. Favourite actress? ooof I’m awful at names of people and honestly don’t care for pop culture sorry 97. Favourite actor? see above 98. Do you tan a lot? what is sunlight? 99. Have any pets? 3 cats 2 snakes 1 leopard gecko 100. How are you feeling? hungry 101. Do you type fast? on a computer yes.. texting.. nah 102. Do you regret anything from your past? I struggle with this because I am happy where I’m at in my life and if it wasn’t for all of those shitty mistakes I’ve made I wouldn’t be here right now appreciating my existence.. but also yes I do regret a lot of actions and decisions i’ve made and how I’ve treated a lot of people but you live and you learn I guess and I’ve learned to appreciate all of those things 103. Can you spell well? Incredibly well 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? My parents 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? So many and they are some of my favorite kind of parties more parties should be held outside 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? unfortunately yes.. but this is a part of growth for everyone in life 107. Have you ever been on a horse? yes :) 108. What should you be doing? probably my job but I’m sucked into tumblr per usual 109. Is something irritating you right now? my annoying need to be perfect at mostly everything and also i’m irritated with how hungry I am 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? uhhhh I don’t think so? I’ve never really understood someone saying that.. I mean there are things about loving someone or not being able to love someone in a certain way that can be painful sooo if that’s what it means then yes 111. Do you have trust issues? I feel like I was already asked this question sooo yes? 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My partner 113. What was your childhood nickname? peanut or jellybean ash AJ 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes 115. Do you play the Wii? nahh 116. Are you listening to music right now? Yaaa 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? nahh I’m a vegetarian 118. Do you like Chinese food? ehhhh I like fried rice? but I like thai food 119. Favourite book? I guess that would have to be my yoga book “finding balance” only because its the book I most frequent otherwise I like far too many to have a favorite life changing book would be “You are a badass” 120. Are you afraid of the dark? I am if I sense some bad energy in that darkness but nah not usually 121. Are you mean? I always inform everyone upon meeting me that I am indeed an asshole but everyone always insists that that information is false.... but yeah I’m super mean 122. Is cheating ever okay? I have cheated in my relationships and no its never okay 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? nooope I like earth too much 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? nahh 125. Do you believe in true love? ehhh? 126. Are you currently bored? EXTREMELY 127. What makes you happy? Books.. photographing things... music.. my cat.. being with my friends.. eating foooood.. meditating... exercising 128. Would you change your name? totally.. just have no idea to what 129. What your zodiac sign? Aries.. can ya tell? 130. Do you like subway? Honestly... no 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? hug em 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my roomiee stop asking me 133. Favourite lyrics right now? hmm idk? Lost on you by LP I guess? 134. Can you count to one million? probably? 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I mean pretty much all of them have been dumb so I have no idea? 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? open 137. How tall are you? 5 5 ? 5 6? no idea 138. Curly or Straight hair? wavvvvvvvyyyy 139. Brunette or Blonde? Jet black 140. Summer or Winter? Spring 141. Night or Day? Night 142. Favourite month? September 143. Are you a vegetarian? Yes 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? ooooof.. white chocolate 145. Tea or Coffee? Espresso 146. Was today a good day? mediocre but can still find appreciation for it 147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote? If by favorite you mean favorite(s) then...

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style"

"Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, 'You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!' said the straight tree. He said, 'I'm tall and I'm straight.' And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, 'Cut all the straight trees.' And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange." Kneller

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Nope 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“ With each breath may we take refuge in the living truth alone, released from coarse arrogance and subtle pride.”

(via itsgracesdrunkmametown)

0 notes

isaacathom · 6 years

Text

ok this is actually a fun bit of writing here, even if the preceding shit was kinda garbage

tl;dr this bitch has to rant about this stupid book because i naively want to learn something about my family’s history and this is the only fucken way to do it

‘When he discovered he had to work to help provide for this instant family of a large flock of children, ‘Mick’ showed his true self and devotion to the family.

Within a year of the marriage, he left the fold, leaving his wife to fend for herself in the daunting task of raising her children.’

like.aside from just being kinda awkwardly worded (he bangs On and On about how his mum was the 11th of 11 children like fuck i get it its a big family, holy shit) i think thats just. a good concept there. the space really sells the punch. wouldve been better if we hadnt been told beforehand that Mick was a cunt, yknow. but thats nice

also lets keep going. ‘6 step brothers and 4 step sisters’ theyre actually her Half Siblings. they all share the same mother. theyre related. she’d be step if she was adopted, which she was not, because if she were, surely we wouldve been told about those circumstances.

‘[his mother] easily met that high standard as she was a very pretty young lady’ please dont perv out over your fucking mother you pig of a man. also you would hope ‘jock’ (his name is fucking robert but ok, Jock) was interested in more than how pretty Nellie was when they got together, right......... like there had to be more to it. am i naive? perhaps

‘scottish clan gordon’ the what. but we arent gordons???? are you. are you hundred percent sure. are you positive about this. are you sure thats why your name is gordon. alright buddy

‘according to buzzy’s story’ please never refer to yourself in the third person

‘hotels rarely burn down’ ?? i dont buy that at all. my guess is this famous hotel (which.... you didnt name so ok)

ok so theres a picture in here of my dad standing at some random gate, and he says its the same gate as a picture of his dad..... where is THAT picture??? this picture means nothing without that historic context, and it feels hollow if the actual picture isnt there.

granddad you dont. you dont need to wikipedia article dump me information about glasgow??? i mean sure, cool, id rather just be reading the wikipedia article.

jesus christ. so hes talking about his dad, right. who he’d technically set up earlier by saying he came to melbourne at 19. before he launched into a whole thng about his mother and shit. and suddenly hes come back to his dad to explain that his dad (so gordons grandfather) used to beat him! and its like, wOAH, where the fuck did that come from??? shit dude. thats rough. but he just mentions it suddenly out of nowhere. oH JESUS actually. sorry. i misread (yknow, because its written like shit). he means.... his brother??? right, he means his Brother Robert, was beaten by his dad, also named Robert, who was the one who came to melbourne aged 19. ok. ok that makes slightly more structural sense but ooof. ouch. poor robert (the younger). in my uh, defence, this book is written awful and i've never met robert? (my.... understanding is that he probably died before i was born? like with mary, who i dont recall having met either)

ok uhhh ‘most of the gorbal’s tenemenets were eventually demolished by the wise founding fathers many decades later, in the 1980s’ the WHOM. this isnt fucking america, this is scotland, what in the actual fuck are you TALKING about????????????????????????????? ‘modern day replacement improvements and architecture designed to achieve, what?’ fucker they were trying to fix the mistake they made in crowding 90k people into the fucking gorbals. maybe they didnt succeed (they didnt) but they were trying, it was naivete rather than fucking malice, you bitter old fuck. like, you visited in the 1980s.... and published this book in 2007......... without thinking to check back......... like hey maybe theyve gotten better? (newsflash - they fucking have) sooo... fuck

‘could the [my family] be related? [to the mcdonalds]’ yes??? we literally are. theres no question of that. being a sept of clanranald, we are Literally related to the fucking macdonalds. you absolute buffoon. yea its distant, and maybe thats your point, but when combined with you launching into this giant diatribe about rhw Campbells for shit that happened long ago, it seems youre picking and choosing how close ‘related’ is. we are. literally. related to the macdonalds. also it wasnt thought up in glasgow, they were from fucking new hampshire. but sure.

‘his sheila wife of his’ excuse me?

‘so the name was related to a buzzing bee i suppose’ ? i still dont get it. like, he then explains that apparently his twin sister had difficulty saying Brother, so she called him Buzzy. that makes sense to me. i can understand that. but the buzzing bee thing? not sure i follow, given the prior context he provided. i dont get it. this is written like garbage. theres no structure. we went from jumping forward in time to the birth of my uncle Dale (my dads older brother) and suddenly we’re talking about Mick’s running career and gordon’s childhood! what the fuck happened.

‘coupled with the bigoted attitudes that were rife during those periods’ says the man who got angry at a black (i THINK, mightve been a separate story) frenchman who couldnt speak english in France because ‘we saved them’. fuck off. youre just like them, you old codger.

also hes decrying his grandfather mick for being ‘no true irishman’ even though micks dad was full irish? by that exact same metric i can call my grandfather no true scotsman, because his dad is full scottish and thats it!!! you fucking fool. no true irishman, holy shit, how little self awareness could this man have.

‘then excessive drinking liquor isnt for me’ but is Is for your wife, is it gordon??? drinking wine when shes on antibiotics??? fucking incredible. god theyre. theyre so stupid.

‘not proceeding as a scholar as i could have’ you literally admitted like 5 pages ago that your twin sister was Far smarter than you, but sure! ~scholar~. if you were meant to be a scholar surely you wouldve bounded back from missing days with a vengeance. youre talking complete tosh.

im confused why theyd be doing bombing drills in South Yarra.... in preparation from a japanese air raid.... like im sorry, if the people north are doing their jobs, theres no physical way they couldve gotten to south yarra....... but ok. thats not his fault i just think thats strange.

im 110 pages in and he hasnt actually gotten to the point where he meets eleanor??? aside from a few time jumps forward and a brief mention of ‘meeting her in a milk bar in south yarra’ so like. hoi vey? the fuck.

oh jesus thats. thats a heavy thing to just chuck in the middle of a sentence??? like ‘oh yea after Skete the next scout leader was a paedophile who abused me and the others’ wwwOooahhh there buddy back up. what???? holy shit. ouch. thats. thats rough.

‘absolutely belted this poofta bastard’ yknow what? fair. id also beat the fuck out of a pedo with my boot. thats Relatable. good going on that, i suppose.

ooh thats full third person, weird.

one thing that is definitely kinda interesting, and very telling about his relationship with his family, is that he only ever refers to Nellie as ‘mum’, but refers to Mick as, well, Mick! rather than ‘granddad’ or anything of the sort. like its just sorta interesting when you get this big family photo and Nellie is the only one not called by her first name.

‘returning to those earlier days’ NO! FUCKING MOVE FORWARD IN TIME YOU GIT!!!! holy shit i just want to read about new fucking shit.

......... so like, at some point while playing footy, an opposing player kicked him in the leg and caused a fractured tibia. so a few weeks later... one of gordons friends took a mark on that player and kneed him straight in the head, with that player never playing again. and he’s PROUD of that!!! he’s proud of his friend for ruining a guys footy career. like yea, the guy was a dick, he broke your leg and it was at least partially malicious, but like........... you fucked him up????? hardcore?????? a straight up ruination. but go off i guess.

its interesting that he doesnt go even remotely into eleanors history beyond the fact (so far) that her father Leo didnt say much but was a good dude. then again the books all about him soooo fuck it i suppose.

‘recognition of our scottish heritage’ eleanor isnt scottish tho. shes irish. shes an o'donoghue. what the fuck. like yea naming them dale and glen is a ‘clever’ nod back to scotland (i actually do think thats cute and clever, joking aside. its the exact sort of ‘clever’ shit i love pulling) but............. shes not scottish. unless we’re waiting for volume 2 all about eleanor.

hE USED TO LIVE OUT HERE??????? IN SPRINGVALE????? fuck me. no fucking wonder we live here, huh, jesus. that. certainly explains something, i suppose. like ‘if you were raised in holbrook and YOU were raised in thomastown, why do we live in knox?’

OHHHHH HERES THE FRENCH THING!!!! OHHHH HERES ONE OF THE FRENCH THINGS. OH BITCH behold

so granddads being a dick, as usual, and he’s on some tour in paris. and the tour guide launches into a long thing about the glory of france, like french history and the fighting record, etc. and granddad calls out and tells him to knock it off, because ‘our australians died by the thousands for your country’

i. eh... uhh............... is he. is he aware? of how many french people died???? for france?????? how many????? il tell you how many - apparently 1.44% of the total population of france. thats 600000 people. how many did we lose? around 35k. thats, uh, a smaller fucking number. than the amount of french people. who died. for fucking france. you fucking idiot.

it kills me. is he gonna include the french speaking one too???

oh hell that sure is a picture of my father. good heavens. holy shit my brother really does look like him. thats uncanny, man.

‘one son Scotty’ his name is Scott, actually. not scotty. but cool, i got a really small shout out, weirdly BEFORE my older cousins did???? oh dear is he gonna talk about my uncles divorce actually. oh god. thats. thats terrifying to consider. oh, cool, he didnt in that small section, hopefully it doesnt come up haha (i can only IMAGINE what sort of vile shit he’d say about cathy)

also, ooh, more nuggets on grandma’s family. her dad was a freemason! thats cool.

ooh! he was the president of holbrook shire council! thats kinda neat actually.

ooh! the glenndale motel actually still exists! thats cool as hell. not that granddad told me that i just googled it

OHHH ITS THE FUCKING FRENCH SPEAKING STORY OH MY GOD

Ok first off ‘i slammed my fist into the counter and said very calmly’ yea no fuck that, youre fucking lying. theres no way you slammed the counter and spoke calmly. you almost definitely abused this poor french metro worker who, being a French Man living in France, is not required to know english. you fucking babboonnnnnnnnnn

apparently he nearly fell off a mountain innnnnn geeermany? austria, austria. and as he mentions my dad pulling him back up, he words it as ‘stopping me from falling to my final destiny’ what fucking wording IS that. my god.

uh well ok thats. about it i suppose. there was a big hullabuloo about like, hotels and shit, and there was probably some racism about Islanders in there (like i find it hard to believe there wasnt but im not gonna go back and double check, because this book reads like absolute garbage). but eh. yea?

uuhhh so that was an Adventure, for sure

#long post #book liveblog #theres no like tags for this its just me reading a stupid fucking memoir my granddad wrote with 0 fucking oversight #half of it is almost definitely inaccurate or straight up incorrect. the rest is just poorly written and structured #ike it was a chore to get through because my eyes just bounce off the page because it reads like how I fucking type on the internet #but without any intent! my shit grammar is at least supposed to convey fuckin. speech patterns or something #his writing is just poorly thought out and hasnt been edited in the slightest and its just Disgusting my guy

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